Threedom - Threevisiting: What's Morning
Episode Date: November 14, 2023Threevisiting on the Tues: On the season 3 finale, Dem Threedom Boys discuss more stories from the CBB tour, what memes the queen is aware of and play Hot Seat. Follow us on social media @threedomusa.... Send Threetures and emails to threedomusa@gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail at 424-252-4678 (HAG-CLAIMS-8).
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3DOM! M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M-M- Read on where three them were three them. That's all with you. Just say hi. We're that's all we're going to say hi three
I feel it's so dark in here. Hi three to friends. So dark. I'm so scared. Hi three to friends. We're three to where your friends. We are your friends. We are DJs
We are definitely DJs. We're club DJs and we are your friends
We specialize in mashups. We love to do mashups like happy birthday in the alphabet. Happy birthday.
E-E-E-E-F-G. My name goes Paul F. Tumpkins.
My name goes Lauren Lappkin. My name is you guys. Scott Alchemy.
You're so boring and conventional. Oh don don't judge me, man. That's my lifestyle.
That's the slam.
That's just who that's just who I am.
And that's the way it is.
That's the way it is.
What song is that?
Selene D'Alm.
Oh, I don't know.
When you want it the most, there's a easy way.
Okay, I do know that.
Yeah, yeah.
I've heard that twice.
That's the word is.
I would see her in concert.
Yeah, you know that'd be good.
I bet it would be a great show.
You should go to Vegas and go see her.
All I want to do is go to Vegas and see a crazy big show.
Let's do it.
We'll just fly in and show.
No, I haven't.
I haven't either.
I only go to trash shithole.
Trash shitholes.
I'm sick of them. I'm honestly a good showman. You know what? I really go to trash shit holes. Trash shittles. I'm sick of them.
I'm gonna say a good show man.
You know what I really want to see is share.
I want to see share bad.
Lee.
I love share.
I just was listening yesterday to a wonderful cover
of walking in Memphis by share.
Oh yeah.
Was it like.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I am never even walking in Memphis. Scott, come on. Well, walk in in Memphis. She does a great cover of it. Was it like
She does a great cover of it play it I saw a great cover of it on this commercial It was like ten different singers it was so good wow what I feel like you're lying
I can't place it I can't place there's a new commercial. I where people are just see you met some a walking a Memphis. Yeah
There's a new conversal I word people are just seeing it's a walk in a Memphis. Yeah
Special thanks to DJ Scorpio dot com
Liz comes to us from DJ Scorpio dot com. This is the official music video
Remember for your videos looks like it's DJ Scorp Scorpio this is from a few years back I guess
Then falls Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, pick it up, SK18 and you said it's pronounced Scott. It's Scott. It's Scott.
I love Scott music.
My name is Scott.
My name is Scott.
Today's again, it was funny.
Happened on the tour that we forgot to talk about.
We talked about that goddamn cookie cake.
We talked about, we did not talk about Paul.
Okay, here's a post script to our
Saint Paul episodes.
So the Wicked Child who is across from Paul.
That's right.
Was bothering Paul. Oh, yes, I did not. Yes, this is perfect. And so the so matter our second show, may I tell the story, Scott? Oh, you may not. No, all right, go ahead. Please tell it.
So we're leaving, we're going, we finished our second show in St. Paul. Uh-huh. The next day we are flying back home to Chicago.
Yeah, sweet home Chicago. Sweet home.
We say, okay, we're going to walk 930 in the morning to go 930 was our lobby call.
To the area. We all all get into the cabs and go to the error.
I said, okay, now one of the things that I love in an hotel is when they have the card
where you can fill out your breakfast order and hang on the door for a specific time.
Yes.
Love it.
I've done it.
I will do it every time it's available, every time.
And do you not wake up until it gets there or do I usually will send no alarm 10 minutes
before?
Sometimes you'll send a alarm? Because I don't want to be nude when I sometimes I open the door. I'll bring
I sleep in the buff baby. I bring sleep in the nude. I bring pajamas. So you you're fine
opening the door in pajamas to a stretch. Yeah, I feel like I don't live there. Here's my question.
Here's my question. We're all strangers about your plan.
Yeah.
Having them awake you up.
Hold on.
So sometimes I will send an alarm.
But if I, if it's late as it was that night, I'm going to, my plan is to get as much sleep
as possible because you have a half hour window for that delivery.
And so I feel like if you're setting your alarm 10 minutes before the half hour and they
don't show up for until the end of the half hour
I'm wasted 40 minutes exactly so I let them wake me up and then I crawl in a bed and I open the door
How many times have they said oh you were not awake sir? Sorry never
How intense they said
Because my time so I said you were because I'm opening the door
My time's to be said because I'm opening the door
There are no way times if they said whoa, I'll come back. They're not like jimmying the lock Well, sorry, by the way, I have to say in sweet home Chicago. Mm-hmm. I'm in the room for approximately 15 minutes
Suddenly the the housekeeper bursts in. No knock, nothing say just like Monica Lewinsky.
Just like Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby Clinton.
I did not have sexual release with a woman.
It depends on the definition of his.
So I am awakened in the morning, not by, not not not.
Breakfast is here, Mr. Tomkins.
I love you, but they say I love you every time.
That's so sweet.
Why?
You check that in the card.
I say, please, so you'll not accept this unless you tell me.
That's how I know it's really my breakfast.
Okay, because it could be an assassin.
Exactly.
I'm awakened not by, I love you Mr. Tomkins,
but by the fucking old lady across from me,
this is where the Wicked Child was running in and out.
The domicile of the Wicked Child.
The Wicked Child, but we'd also do not talk about
the elderly people who had a huge conversation
about everything in the hallway
when they came or went anywhere.
I just can't believe, I missed all of that in my room
and I was only a few doors to.
I know, they were right across the hall for me.
And I believe they were closer to chef, chef, chef, chef.
So I go and I look through the people and they're leaving,
they got a luggage rack, they're having this big discussion
about whatever, it's so irritating. When people leave hotels, they should be quiet because people are sleeping,
but everyone just thinks when they walk out of a hotel room, they're like, well, I no longer
am a human being anymore. I don't see anyone around here. So I'll just yell. Yeah, everyone else is
on the same schedule I am. Yeah. There are no one's in these rooms. Exactly. So I go up to the people
look out and I'm like, bang on the door. I'm so mad.
Because I think they're waking me up early. Yes. Before my breakfast has come before breakfast has come. And then I'm not sure
what time it is and I think well, where's that breakfast? And I look I open the door crack
to see you're in your neck. Yeah, is it my night shirt when I kept double of candle?
I think we made this joke two episodes ago.
Sure.
And then I see that the breakfast card is still on the door.
Amazing.
And now I'm like, oh, now I do not know what time it is.
I don't know how long I've slept.
And I go pick up, I look at the clock
and I see what time it is.
I pick up the phone.
That's classic scene.
I see what time it is procedure.
I see missed calls.
I see, you know, texts, what did not happen and what had happened earlier.
What had happened was was that no one called up to my room.
So I did.
And they didn't put the call.
They didn't put the, but, but I heard it rings.
See, this is what's so odd to me.
Well, here's the other side of what happened,
which was we were all down there at 9.30
and no answer from Paul.
I sent one cab off and I'm like, okay, well,
another one still is taking 15 minutes to arrive.
So Paul will just get in this one.
Nothing, I went up to the desk.
I had them call your room, all sorts of stuff.
I bet they called the wrong room.
Yeah, they might have.
And I was, and I was, I was really mad at that
because that of course would have woken me up.
And, and your cell phone would not have woken you up
because it was on the silent.
Exactly.
It would possibly be time.
It would possibly be time.
So the Wicked Child saved the day.
The Wicked Child's family
because you just made it to the airport for our two hour delay.
That's right. Well, you got there right before we're going to start boarding.
Yeah, literally two, two minutes before you're boarding. And you said,
do I have time to get some of the eat? And I said, no, they're boarding. And then immediately they said,
oh, by the way, you have time to get some of your eat, Paul. So then I was able to get an extremely, I love you, Mr. Tomkins.
We love you, Mr. Tomkins.
But yeah, I, I, I guess I'll never do that again, which sucks because I really liked it
as a plan.
Well, I could work again.
Here's, here's a question that I have.
I can't trust it again.
Maybe you need to like leave your phone.
Here's the question I have.
Was there something on the menu card that said you have to leave it before this time or
else you will not pick it up? Because sometimes they have that or it's that's on the card that said you have to leave it before this time or else you will not pick it up.
Because sometimes they have that where it's on the card.
If you put it on before, you know.
No, no, no, I had it on because they didn't pick it up the night before and I thought like,
oh, because I had the do not disturb sign over it.
So I used the same card that same day.
So it was absolutely.
So we was out there for 24 hours.
Yeah.
All day long.
Okay. Yeah. All day long. Okay.
Yeah.
Okay.
If they didn't pick it up the night before,
I maybe would have sat in a alarm.
Well, but I thought the problem was they couldn't see it.
Right.
Because I either do not disturb sign over it.
Right.
Still.
Well, then that's probably what it was.
No, this time that thing was out front.
Like, like, like, like. Like, this was their fault.
This was their fault.
By the way, the other thing Shephan,
or Chef Shephan reminds me of is that
there was a big problem with getting the rooms
and there was like an additional form
that I needed to fill out once we got there
with the credit card that was not my credit card.
It was my assistance credit card
and they're like, well, if you don't have this form,
then we can't accept payment.
Scott has been stealing his assistance.
Yeah.
And I was like, but the rooms are paid for all right.
You know, all sorts of stuff.
And then at a certain point, I was getting so frustrated.
And I said, why is this more complicated than any other hotel we've been to?
And the woman said, we're downtown.
Huh.
She did.
That was no sense.
It all happens here. Yeah, we're downtown. That was no sense. It all happens here. We're downtown. So I guess downtown is the excuse
for why they don't pick up the menu cards or anything. I tell you what happened to me in Chicago
where I went to speak again. No, I went to sweet green. I told you. I'm a few monster. Okay, you know
Oh, projectile patio over here. It was the next day.
I went to sweet green and had-
Sweet green and great restaurant.
Love it, sweet sound.
If you haven't, there's one over here by Earwolf.
I just had it today.
This year, so I was in line.
I, you know, someone was checking out when I was there.
Then I get, I go to the end of the counter,
start ordering my process.
You know, we don't know how this works.
I go, I get to the front and they say $25.
No.
Oh, yeah, this is it.
And I thought, that's a lot, but I guess I'm in a car.
Maybe it's airport prices.
Yeah, I was like, I don't even know why.
I just keep going with it and I was like, okay,
like they know what they're not.
Sure, $25 versus salad.
Yeah, whatever.
It doesn't make sense, but I was just like,
not thinking that hard.
Right, you're traveling and so you're just like,
this is the culture here.
And also shit is so expensive in LA.
Yeah, it's not crazy. Yeah, well, yeah, it is $14. This is the culture here. And also shit is so expensive in LA. You get used to paying too much for things.
Yeah, so then, yeah, it is $14.
See, other woman who made my salad said,
know which she only got that one thing.
And then the woman checking me out goes,
no, your friend said you were paying for her.
And I was like, what?
And she goes, that girl who just left, she said you.
What?
She got this.
This is insane.
And I was like, I don't know who that was.
And I don't, I'm not with anyone.
And then they're like, what?
And they were freaking out.
And they were like, oh my God.
The perfect crowd.
Yeah.
Oh my God, I just like, let her go.
I believe that she was with you.
And I didn't charge her.
And she's going to, and then I came back
for the next day.
And they remembered me.
And I thought that was nice.
And what did they say when they remembered you?
She said, go, this is the girl that happened to you yesterday.
I told you guys, I was so crazy.
They thought it was a good story.
It's a great story and even better in the telling.
You are, look, I know we're all storytellers,
you are exceptional at it.
You know what?
I can't wait to try it.
I actually, I know you're kidding
and I also think I'm a horrible storyteller.
Really? Do you really think you're good? I think that I'm getting better, but I think I know you're kidding, and I also think I'm a horrible storyteller. Really? Do you really think you're good?
I think that I'm getting better,
but I think I used to just go,
here's what happened at the end.
Now let me walk you through.
Oh, but that's actually sometimes I prefer that
because I'll tell you that the way,
and this comes up in pitches when you pitch shows.
A lot of people like to never tell you what you're about to hear.
They just started the beginning,
and then
and that leaves the listener sitting there going like, what is this story? What is the point?
What is what and then suddenly something happens that you can latch onto where it's like they get
to the subject matter and the listener perks up and goes, oh, okay, so this is a story about a birthday
cake? No, it's about treasure. Yeah. getting to the treasure. He's into birthday cake, a form of treasure.
Oh no, mine.
I have to say.
You're both very dumb.
The Pentel Pens that were sent to us by our listener are absolutely amazing.
You're loving them.
And I actually think it might be my new brand.
Pentel's your new brand, look Pentel.
Oh, where a jacket that says Pentel all over it, every day the rest of my life.
And you'll drive a race car. This is Pentel. Pentel get at us these we want you to advertise.
NASCAR sponsors are great. Jill pens and yeah, remember how I asked you guys what brand you would wear
all over you. I don't remember that. I remember it, but I don't remember what I said. I don't remember
either. Go back and listen to previous episodes of three of us.
Obviously it would be sense of dying truth based.
I think mine was, mine was Driscoll strawberries.
Look, we can sit here rehashing old episodes.
They're so fun.
Okay.
We don't remember anything.
Do you remember episode one?
No.
Do you remember your president Nixon?
That's a song.
It's song.'s a song.
It's song.
I saw a meme that was like that picture of Bjork where she has her hands in front of her mouth.
It's like an iconic kind of picture.
Oh, from the, it's so so quiet.
It's maybe album cover or single cover.
But it, but maybe, yeah, maybe it's her first.
It's just like a picture, I don't know, but someone wrote on it like someone wrote a meme
that was like, I don't know who this is,
but she is vibing or whatever. And I was like, like, who is this woman? What's her deal? She's
vibing or something. I was like, just maddening to think that like there are like, like, you're the
famous person. And you're just like thinking it's like a cool picture of someone. Like, I don't know,
it's just weird. Sorry to this woman. I love that interview.
Did you watch the Kiki Palmer did what is it called a lie detector test for vanity fair. And then they show her picture object matter. Anything is they have a bunch of celebrities doing
lie detectors horrifying. It's actually pretty fun to watch. Okay. But she sees a picture of
Dick Cheney and she's like, I don't know who this man is. Oh yeah, wait, let's see if there's that part.
I mean, they might have actually made it separate.
It's, she's right behind me, isn't she?
Yeah.
Underarms prone to irritation.
What a disgusting ad.
Yeah, it's an extreme close-up of an underarm.
Okay.
We're gonna get there.
I'm just doing this.
Oh yeah. Did I do that? Oh no, it's too long they didn't cut it
Point being it's a meme now. I also watched a really great thing. I don't know what you're talking about
So she's she's hooked up to a lie detector
She's looking at a picture of Dick Cheney. She says I don't know who this is right. I'm I don't know who this man is. Here it is. Here it is.
I'll say that true Jackson VP was a better VP than Dick
Cheney.
What the hell is?
Oh, y'all are really testing me on some stuff that I I hate to say it.
I hope I don't sound ridiculous.
I don't know who this man is.
I mean, he could be walking down the street.
I wouldn't I wouldn't know a thing.
Sorry to this man.
Is she telling the truth about it?
So now everyone sings sorry to this man.
I love it.
She's also like, she's so young,
but she's saying it like she's an elderly person.
Yes.
Like she's very proper about it.
I, I hope I don't sound ridiculous.
Sorry to this man.
I love it.
I did an episode of True Jackson V.
You did?
Yeah, she was fucking great.
I knew that because of Andy Gordon, who works on Big Bang, or worked on Big Bang.
I don't know who Kiki Palmer is, sorry to that woman.
Oh, well, she was True Jackson V.P.
She's now actually a host of a morning show.
What's morning?
Really?
Yes.
She's not a good morning America or something.
Oh, wow.
What's morning?
He was doing some scots.
What's morning? That's the truth. He What's morning? He was doing some scotch. What's morning?
That's the last two, three, two, three, two, three, two, so.
We call that doing scotch.
Yeah, she's a good morning America.
Yeah, when you text your,
in our side text show.
Oh, host, good morning America with Michael Strahan
and Sarah Hain.
Oh wow.
Which I think is a great boost of energy
and youthfulness in the show.
It vibrancy.
It brings a lifeblood.
That's it.
It was bringing it to for missing.
Okay, if you had to host or be one of the personalities on a morning show, would you want
it to be like Ryan and Kelly, whether like two people in chairs, like, and they just talk
about their lives and kind of like bring on guests?
Or would you want it to be like the view where you like talk about hot topics and share opinions?
Or would you want it to be like, good morning America, where you like do activities with
like random people like cooking this now and we're doing this.
I want to be like this show,
where it's the three of us.
But in the morning,
we're really early.
I would like it to be,
I actually did a pilot that was ostensibly a comedy show
but also kind of a real thing for a morning show.
And the gimmick was,
it would happen very late at night
so it could be called the first morning show.
So it would come on like 12-0-1.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
And it was a weird experience.
It was not, they were trying to find a co-host and they for some reason
like asked me for a list of people that I would like to co-host with.
They completely ignored that. Amazing. They said, what about this one person list of people that I would like to coast with.
They completely ignored that.
Amazing.
They said, what about this one person?
I said, I don't think she's like great.
And they're like, okay, great.
It's going to be her.
It's going to be her.
Then the, the, and I kept asking these were guys that I knew that we're doing it.
And I kept asking like, are we going to bring in any of the people that I had suggested
to like do a test or whatever?
And they just wouldn't respond to me.
It was so weird.
That's maddening.
And then, so then we did the pilot
and it didn't get picked up.
Then they tried to sell it to another network,
did not mention it to me at all,
and try to sell it with somebody else.
The network didn't like.
Somebody else in place of you.
Yes, the network didn't like that guy,
but they had already said no to me
because they saw the original pilot.
The one dude still called me up,
still asked if I would audition again for this new network
that already said they didn't want me.
What?
It was the weirdest, it was like the most funky request I ever got.
That sucks.
Like, what do you think is going to happen?
What happens except I'm humiliated?
Now in this show was it real or scripted?
There were real interviews.
So like there are scripted bits,
but then the interviews were real.
We're very much like a more show interview.
So.
But yeah, would.
I still wanna know your answer.
The show was a mess.
Well, but I still don't know.
But I would do, I would do a show like that.
Yeah, that's the type of show that I would do.
I think it'd be fun.
Would you ever do that Scott?
I look, my potential job prospects are few and far between.
Scott, you're seeing Scott.
You're being very self deprecating lately.
What is this about?
You're anxious.
You're anxious about the film, maybe?
Maybe.
I don't know.
But I think doing a morning show, I was thinking about this the other day because I was
like, you know, when I first started doing comedy vanguang,
I was sort of thinking like, because my friend had the morning show at Indie 103, I was like,
it would be fun to do the morning show at Indie 103. And I think just like, it would
maybe be fun for a week. I think it would be like a fun thing to do to guest for a week,
but to do it every day, I just can't imagine doing the Kelly Lee or whatever.
No, me neither, but the question was,
if you had to do a type of show like that.
For a gunpoint, which type would you want to do?
Okay, I would probably like to do,
I do a mixture of talking to people in hot topics.
The view.
Is that what, okay, that's the view.
Okay, great, I do that.
But do I have to do it with like,
yes, I have to do it with what be gold.
No, it's funny, it's a need for men.
Yeah, it would just be you on the view.
For men.
It's just.
For men with varying personalities and opinions.
Ah, that seems dicey to me, I wouldn't like them.
Dice will be there.
Dice will be there, I'm in.
Yes.
The dice man, come with. I'm in the Dice man.
Come with.
I always think I would enjoy being a host on the view.
Are you jingling?
I absolutely.
Absolutely.
I have to mind I was jingling.
Michelle Collins did it.
Joe Michelle.
Yeah.
I loved her on it, but she was almost too funny for it.
It's like people can't.
Yeah, they can't deal with it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Whereas, although I will say that Kathy, no, Kelly Ripa, Kathy Ripa, the Kelly
Ripa show, that seems a little more like you can have your personality and it's a little
more singular. And they talk about their own lives a lot. Like they'll be like, I just
was watching history in the hotel, I was getting ready and it was like, she's like telling
this long story that was really boring. And I was like, I know the feeling.
But luckily, Brian's secrets saved the day.
It just was so weird.
So I was like, wow, she just has this platform.
She can just talk about anything.
And like they have to fill hours.
So obviously it's not all gonna be gold.
And I also know the feeling.
You know what?
No, I'm not this is slam on you.
This is slam on.
Everything we do.
Yeah.
It's true.
It's true. It's true. Oh, still like them all. And I, it's a Lam on. Everything we do. Yeah. It's true, it's true, it's true, it's true.
Oh, he's still like them all and I think it's a fun,
it takes a lot of energy and a lot of personality.
Lauren, if you could, I think you would have to choose
one or the other, either having a show like that.
Life or death or being like an actress.
Oh, I'd be an actress.
You'd be an actress, why is that?
Way more fun, I want to be other. Acting's more fun, I'd be an actress. You'd be an actress. Why is that? Way more fun.
I want to be a little bit more fun than you'd been.
Yeah.
But I mean, this is a form of that, is it not?
It is, but don't you prefer, I mean,
I prefer to play a character.
I'll be a Paul.
I like playing characters.
I do like interviewing people,
but it can get tedious.
Yeah.
It can get tedious to, because not every constantly
interested in other people.
Well, yeah, because not everyone meets you halfway.
And so Kenny Lackin's would,
he would always meet you halfway,
but then he'll take you to the danger zone.
That's true, that's the price you pay.
But it's true, like when you're doing a podcast
and someone like doesn't really hold up
their end of the conversation,
you're like, this isn't fun anymore.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, it did drag.
I think that doing a late night talk show,
it used to be something that I really wanted to do,
but then it just seems boring to me now.
Having to talk to all these randos.
Yeah, I think that's definitely something that I used
to want to do, but I don't think I want to do that anymore.
I think it was just I wanted to be a comedian because that's where comedy was back then. Yeah, yeah. I was somewhere who was that variety show, man. That's what I that I used to want to do, but I don't think I want to do that anymore. I think it was just I wanted to be a comedian
because that's where comedy was,
back then, you know.
I was somewhere who was that variety show, man.
That's what I want to do.
Yeah, man, variety of things.
That is what you should do,
and that is what would be amazing.
That is what you will do.
And that is what we'll have in tomorrow.
Tomorrow.
Why don't executives listen to our show
and give us more than one?
What?
Do you think, do you think,
like anyone in the industry listens to this?
Do you think executives, like people in charge of like networks and stuff, like even care
about entertainment?
Like they would listen to their favorite podcasts and I think they might be so inundated
with stuff all the time that they're like not then seeking it out in their free time.
I think every time I go into any kind of meeting someone says,
I love the REM show.
It's really, yeah.
So I think that people do listen to podcasts.
Wow.
Not this one, because we're the high that they were.
We are outside of it as well.
And people do listen to the show.
And you can't, if you should on yourself,
you're shitting on me, bro.
And I don't want that.
Right, I'll just shut it.
It's okay if you should on me.
Yeah. No. Right. I'll just. It's okay if you should on me. Yeah.
No.
No.
I'm like a snake saying don't shit on me.
Does a snake get shit on a lot?
If you're going to try it on, you're probably going to shit on it.
Yeah.
I wonder if a snake does get shit on a lot.
Like a snake is down in there on the ground.
Slitting around under like like shit is gonna drop.
Not everyone shits in toilets at a certain point.
That is true.
At a certain point, someone's gonna shit and a snake will be underneath.
What do you mean someone?
Someone, something, somewhere, somehow.
Are you talking about birds?
I'm talking about birds.
I'm talking about wolves.
I'm talking about people.
I'm talking about anything that shit is gonna eventually shit on a snake and a snake's
gonna be like, hey, what about me?
I think I would bet that snakes do not get shit on as much as you think they do.
Okay, they're long and thin, so I will give you that it would be easy to miss them.
Hard target.
I also think that they're not. I also think that they're not about so much
about sneaking up on animals that are larger than themselves.
Yeah.
So that to catch an animal unawares in that way,
where the animal is just like,
dude, dude, dude, dude, dude,
this is a good place to shit.
No snakes around.
I think it's very rare.
I think that they're not looking at each other.
I think the thing shitting, the human, the mammal, whatever it is shitting is not thinking
about a snake is just merely shitting.
Then the snake is merely going about its business and boom.
Collide collision time.
You're saying it's like a person walking in front of a building and then somebody dump
something out of the building.
Yes, exactly.
Which is, I don't know.
Well, you've been shit on by a bird, have you not?
Of course I have.
How many times in your life?
Once, just once.
Yeah, that seems.
I think I've heard of it.
Whoa, that I know.
You do have it dripping down your back right now,
but I wasn't even telling you.
I wasn't remembering.
Maybe I've just been shit on by birds more
because where I went to.
You're all, yeah, it's easier to reach me. You've been
on you've been shit on a bunch. I don't even know if I have one. Growing up, not not not.
Not. I think my elementary school. I think there were a lot of seagulls or what are they
pigeons. I don't know, but always like hanging around. Are they dancer? Hold on a second.
You know, but what do you mean you don't know?
You know the difference between pigeon seals.
They're both white.
They both, no, they're not.
They both speak bird tag.
Bird tongue.
The not the dance.
This is one's by the sea.
We weren't by the sea.
So it couldn't have been probably a pigeon that is probably the sea.
So were you by the,-so it couldn't have been. Probably a pigeon then. It was probably the C-so. Where you buy the-
This was in C-so.
I'm just saying there were a lot of birds
who were constantly shitting
and so people would get shit on.
All right.
Fair.
Yeah, that makes sense.
I mean, if you're in a concentrated bird area,
yeah, I guess you would get shit on.
But that's, I would think that everyone's elementary school
there would be a lot of birds.
What are you supposed to say? Because there would be a lot of birds. What are you?
Because there's so much food lunch by the lunch table.
What?
What?
First of all, we eat lunch inside because of season.
Well, this is the difference.
I'm saying I grew up in California and everyone ate it outside.
There's more time to be outside, equally more time to get shit on.
Well, why wouldn't you eat inside?
Because no one eats.
They had lockers outside too. You should have eaten inside. You wouldn't get shit on. Well, why wouldn't you eat inside? Because no one eat. They had lockers outside too.
You should have eaten inside. You wouldn't get shit on my bird so much. Why don't you think of that?
Twice in six years. I thought it was all the time. Yeah, the story's changing people. He wants the
birds to shit on him. He did that interview on Playboy where he was like yes my wife and I have an understanding
Guys I went to a party everyone's wearing masks and shitting on each other
Well, it was birds with birds is a party full of birds
They're wearing people masks.
I was once a bird shit upon my very bare head
and some people called me shit head for a while. They always nod because of that.
You're just a shit head, my dude.
You're simply a shit head.
Hey, my dude, you're just a shithead.
What could I say?
Yeah, shithead.
Yeah, shithead.
No, I'm not.
Oh my daughter's wife, you're being a shithead?
You're half shit, you're half head.
You come to me, you're a shithead.
Like I tell you.
Make him rough that I shithead, I can't refuse.
Cause you're shit in the hood.
Take a look at all cut only shit head.
So it holds for that.
It's not as best.
I swallowed a bug.
I swallowed the bug and my shit head.
The bug made a shit in my head.
The bug made a shit in my head.
It did it did.
We gotta take a break.
Oh, okay.
I think that's been proven.
All right.
We'll be right back with more of this.
More of this.
You know you.
More of this.
More of this.
Now.
We're back and we are in the present corner.
They part of the day that has to be in the middle of the show for various reasons.
We received artwork from an amazing artist.
I don't have the name because it wasn't attached to this portrait, but they did tag us on Instagram
as well. That's 3Dum Big Dog got a bark, a really but they did tag us on Instagram as well. And that's 3DumBigDog got a bark,
a really beautiful art of three wolves howling as well.
I think it's absolutely.
There's one, it depicts us as the mythical Cerberus,
the three-headed dog.
Now, here's some personalized bibs
that came from Richard Bachelor.
They each have our name, and the name we said we are on the episode.
So Scott has Paul on parentheses.
Lauren Scott of Freedom of Fame.
And we'll wear them in the photo.
So you'll see that in this episode.
Walk me through this.
I know where these are the photos.
Okay.
No, we can do it.
Explain it to me.
Lauren.
I guess on an episode we said this.
And I said I was Kevin.
Yeah.
Okay. Well, these are good presents.
It happened in episode 25, cactus,
who's so that's what it happened.
Thank you.
And we also received some,
some shocking pens,
and I'm certainly shocked.
And we received a chicken in the corn.
This is like gibberish to me.
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, the shocking pens.
It's a joke pen.
Yes, you want to try it?
This is gonna shock me.
Yeah.
Is it like a joy buzzer?
Yeah.
So you press.
And then somebody made us three to hat.
These are from Anna Kofflin, that was so sweet.
And...
Jesus.
It's really bad.
That's all they need to see.
Someone that has had to eat the game,
which I'm really into, and too.
And I think we should.
There should be a legal.
The packaging on here is amazing.
We also received a whole pouch full of bibs from another person.
I'm honestly sitting as bibs.
Did we say something about bibs?
Scott begged for bibs, I guess.
I'm honestly serious.
So thank you,
Sean Mayko. How is this legal to do this? Sean works at a custom print party supply.
I shall call sand scripts party bibs.com. Most popular. We sell their custom print party bib.
I often print these bibs while working at the end of the episode. Party bibs. God said,
send us bibs. So if you're showing my boss
and laughing, we collected all of our weirdest orders
from real bachelor parties, weddings, birthdays,
and other events, pack them up and send them to you.
Hope you enjoy.
It's, I don't know how they can,
this can be a real thing.
I'm so scared to touch it.
Wow.
You put the plastic pack over.
That's how the package is.
Yeah, look at this one.
It's like daring you.
Press me.
This one looks like a man's tits.
Oh, man.
And there are all the people's marriages and stuff
and that's pretty cool.
They're all about people's marriages.
Like people, I guess they got bids for their wedding.
These are bids, why are there so many of them?
If you had love started, you're wedding and they're like,
Marriage is messy.
Okay, this is what I want people to send us bids.
This is like any sentence.
I don't know, I think it's insane that we received these.
They're so interesting.
Marriage is messy as well.
This one says as well, must be common.
They had a barbecue.
I can see if you're gonna have like a big lobster fry.
Okay, I tell you.
We got bibs.
What can I tell you?
Okay, take it.
Hey, we're gonna tell you.
We got bibs.
And I also want to thank. And you know, people said the bibs for the nice card
and gift, and thank you everyone
and that wraps up the present corner.
Yes, that was very nice of all of you.
Thank you so much.
Great present corner, Lauren.
That's right.
It's a lot for me to present these gifts
with a great explanation,
in a succinct fashion, just leave me alone.
We, everyone's saying good things, Lauren. Everyone said it's a great present corner twisting this into your
twisted sick individual. You're a twisted sister and we're not gonna take it.
No, we're not gonna take it.
So what else is up in your life?
Well, we also got invited to Eric and Clayton's wedding, which we missed.
We got the invitation too late.
Oh, sorry guys.
Eric and Clayton, hope you are still married.
Happy.
I hope so too.
Happy returns to you on this your wedding day.
Do you know, I ran into a friend that I had not seen
in a really long time.
We ran into each other at the supermarket parking lot.
Really?
Yeah.
And have you not seen each other because of distance
or because of just...
There's a lot of people in Los Angeles.
There's a circumstance, yeah.
We haven't been in the same circles in a while.
Okay.
Very nice.
And yet the supermarket brings everyone
from all walks of life together.
Can I tell you who it was?
Sure.
Fred Belford.
Fred Belford.
I've seen him relatively recently,
but very funny comedian.
And so we were just catching up very briefly. I've seen him relatively recently, but very funny comedian and
So we were just catching up very briefly and he as a he's married now. He has a a stepchild and a normal child
a redhead And he's and I said oh congratulations
He said and how is jane and I said she's good and
There was like a moment like there was like a moment,
like there was like a moment of hesitation
that we talked about how it is,
if you haven't seen someone in a while.
It's a weird question now.
It's a weird question now to say,
how is the person you're married to?
I don't ask it to people who've been married for a week.
I mean, a year, you know, something short.
I don't ask anyone about anything about their lives.
If I haven't seen the significant other in a while,
they have been posting or something,
and they're not with them,
you better believe that name's not gonna come on my mouth.
But it's technically, it's not rude to ask
because the last time you saw someone, they were married.
So it used to be a very normal question.
Yeah, and technically, and even if the person is divorced,
the person should be able to say,
oh no, we're not together anymore.
It wouldn't be all that we're gonna be able.
They should be ashamed. It's as if no, we're not together anymore. It wouldn't be all that we're going to be able to.
They changed.
It's as they failed.
Yes, it's a sin.
They broke the Holy Compact.
Yeah, I don't know.
You failed at being miserable for the rest of your life.
Did I ever tell you this story?
Yeah.
When I ran to this guy on the train to Comic Con?
No.
Oh, wait, it's a little, it's scratching an inch, but go ahead.
Yeah, it's along these lines.
Yeah.
I had not, I worked with this guy on a pilot.
Well, no, we did the series together.
I don't know, I animated series for MTV years ago,
hadn't seen him in forever.
And I ran into him on the train to Comic Con
a few years ago, and he was, it was, you know, like 11 a.m.
And he was drunk.
Okay.
And I was like, oh, maybe he's just partying because
fun is beyond the training.
This is like, yeah, whatever.
I love how just drinking in the middle of the day is partying.
Like you're alone on a train.
He's just partying.
Was he alone on the train?
Or was I think he was with other people and he was coming back
from the bathroom?
Okay.
And he saw me and he's like, hey, Paul Tomkins.
I mean, that I will say that is one of the good things about being on a train is like,
hey, I'm not driving.
I can drink absolutely planes too.
Tuts.
But drunk.
There was on one of those flights that we took for the tour, the woman sitting next to
me had three gin and tonics, but seemed to be perfectly normal.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was not doing anything to her.
She was not like, oh, I'm terrified of flying. She's like, you know what, I'm not gonna have another gen of time.
She was very casual.
I went on a, I went on a, I went on a, it was the morning.
I went on a plane with someone, I'll tell you later,
who like ordered four jack and coaks immediately.
He was like, I'm gonna order four jack and coaks if that's okay.
You can just bring them to the world.
The same time, yeah.
Was this because of being nervous about flying?
No, just like this is day to day life.
This is my dependency.
For at one.
Yeah.
Can I, I'm an alcoholic.
I need for Jack and it feels like.
It seemed like it was almost an admission of like,
this is what I need to get back.
Yeah, yeah.
So he sits down and talking with me and I'm like,
oh, he's kind of drunk.
And so he's not able to hold up a conversation very well.
And so at one point we just had this lull,
where he's just like staring at me and smiling.
And I went, I've never asked this question of anyone.
And will you sign my dick?
As soon as you've never asked that.
So, but I say please Come on, I've asked that. Hill.
So, but I say please, please, I beg them.
If you're not busy.
Please.
I'm so cured.
Will you?
I said, how's your personal life?
Oh, that was like, can I have a word?
As soon as I asked the question,
I was like, this guy's drunk at 11 a.
Oh, what's he gonna tell me?
He's like, well, I got divorced.
And I was like, I'm sorry.
He's like, no, it's good, it's good.
But he kept miming like I shot him right in the heart.
Oh, you got me.
Copper.
Then he went back in the bathroom
and then all of a sudden it smelled like cigarettes
in the train.
And then he ran back up where his seats were.
And then there was a announcement that came on very big and saying,
you may not smoke on the train.
Wow.
Oh my God.
He was having a day.
I know what it is, I bet.
I would be very surprised.
Okay, but you guess who mine is and all guess who yours is,
when we take a break.
All right, how recent was yours?
Uh, three years. Hmm, okay. It's not someone that you know personally. Mine is and I'll guess who yours is when we take a break. All right. How recent was yours?
Three years. Hmm. Okay. It's not someone that you know personally. Oh, but then I should have fun guessing. Okay
Why are you yawning right in the mic? I haven't talked in a while
Focus not on me
Story about Paul
Paul. Lauren, are you doing anything for Christmas occasion?
I'm going away for Thanksgiving.
Where are you going?
We're going.
Oh, I don't want to tell you guys.
Why?
Okay.
Do you mind it?
I want to tell you guys, but yeah, I know.
You know, I don't trust anyone.
Yeah, I get it.
I get it.
Well, we have in depth during the break conversation
about lots of things.
About lots of things.
I'll tell you everything you wanna know.
We'll tell you everything you wanna know.
But let's start with like a facility.
What's the silliest thing you can think of?
Okay.
The Philly Phenatic riding riding a cow that has two heads with streamers for a tail, and it
is jumping over the moon, which is made of cheese, but it actually looks like Scott's butt.
Very silly.
Can I change one thing?
So silly.
Yeah.
Because the two heads makes me scared.
Yeah, that's very frightening in the middle of the story.
Okay, but the heads are like emojis and they're like, well.
All right, yeah.
I'm back on board.
I'm back on board.
There's 3D emojis.
3D emojis of a cow's head.
I guess the only silly thing I can think of would be a couch,
which has real human legs instead of couch legs and is shaving those legs and collects the hair and eats the hair by putting it underneath the couch cushion.
It's not silly.
I think that's actually it's not while it's happening. He's like, oh, all right.
I hate it.
Do you want to come sit on my face?
Hated.
For me, it would be the silliest thing, safe comedy.
Oh, thank you for saying that.
And finally, it's been said, yes, yes, queen.
Yes, queen.
Yes, queen.
Yes, queen.
Do you think anyone has said to the Queen of England? Yes queen?
Oh, I hope Cardi B or someone says it to her. It would be so funny. That would be so funny
So
We didn't even get it
What what a broad city met the queen. I wish they would oh
Man, what memes do you think the queen is aware of?
Bond James Bond.
The original meme.
Everyone just decided that was a thing everyone was gonna say.
Ah!
The original meme.
I mean they decided.
The original meme probably was some fucked up,
like Amos and Andy shit.
Yeah.
Probably. What are some memes? Lauren, you're jacked into the memes. I can have cheeseburger. probably with some fucked up like Amos and Andy shit. Yeah, probably.
What are some memes?
Lauren, you're jacked into the memes.
I can have cheeseburger.
I can have cheeseburger.
Do you think the Queen of England is aware of
I can have cheeseburger?
No.
Do you think the queen is aware of?
Keyboard cat, maybe.
Maybe keyboard cat, maybe, maybe.
But they don't really use social media, right?
So like, they don't have like the, the royals. Do you think the Queen has a father? No, but, maybe, maybe. But they don't really use social media, right? So like, they don't have, like the, the royals.
Do you think the queen has a phone?
No, but she is a grandma.
And probably when those kids were,
the kids that are married now.
No, but I'm saying they don't, they don't,
they don't, they don't, they don't.
It would be no, but they would be online.
They would be like,
they would be looking at shit.
It would be boring to be the queen
because you wouldn't have a phone.
You wouldn't have Twitter.
Seriously, I'm playing video games.
I'm on Twitter, I'm so bored.
And actually, I hate my brain.
Like, I feel like I'm constantly trying to use my phone less and failing miserably.
And I'll give myself excuses.
Like when we're going on tour, I'm like, well, I don't want to set limits on it because
I'm going to be like bored a lot.
So we're like on planes and trains and on meds.
And then I should be thinking,
no, how about you just set the timer
and you don't go on that anymore
and you have to read or think
or just listen to a podcast.
What would you read?
Books, I read books.
You read books.
You don't read books?
I bet you read like a nice fat book every eight months.
I got it. Why do you have a boner fat book every eight months? What?
Why do you have a boner?
Does that feel accurate?
I beg you, you need this fat book every eight months.
I'll get, when I go on vacation, I like to read.
Yeah, I remember you reading on vacation.
It's fun.
Yeah, what did I read?
Do you remember?
It was about Twin Peaks, I think.
Oh, that Twin Peaks book, yeah.
I did read that.
I read a different book.
It was fun. Look reading is fundamental
It when you pair it with writing and arithmetic
You're covered, baby. Yeah
I'm gonna ask you guys a question of this hot seat box. Oh, Lee. Please
But this is not kind of a feature
If you had a mating call, what would it be? I think it would be please
Please, oh'll suck you dick.
Please, I suck the dick.
Okay, what would, okay, wait, but you know what,
you know what's interesting about this game?
I actually changed it.
It said, if I had a mating call, what would it be?
I made it if you did.
Oh, okay.
But I guess it's, I guess I'm supposed to.
It's always about you.
I don't know, because they're always directed
at the reader.
I don't know what you like.
Just read one out loud.
How would I spend my life
if I were given two weeks to live?
Two weeks to live,
you would eat a bunch of garbage
and wash reality television.
You definitely,
I'll know.
Damn it.
What?
This is a real,
that's a weird,
I think if I were given two weeks to live.
Would you spend it with your loved ones
or would you say immediately within the first minute?
Goodbye, loved ones.
I have other stuff I have to do.
I would spend it with them just talking.
Just talking about what?
About life and meaning.
Life, their lives, meaning.
Of what I've learned and what I have to do.
Would you record everything that you in podcast form
while you were doing it?
In order to pass it down.
Do you hope should you ever have children
and we're not saying if that's something that you want
or whether it's something that you don't want?
Uh huh.
But do you hope that they listen to this show in particular
and I guess this episode or any episode,
and say, wow, I really got to know mom.
You know, I think it'd be kind of neat
at some point for them to listen,
but I imagine that would only become interesting to them
once they're in their like 20s or 30s.
I don't think young kids would care about that,
or I think like it's cool that you do this.
I mean, I do wonder about the children of people who have a,
who have art that's out there for the public consumption, whether they
legitimately are interested in, uh, for instance, I was talking to someone
yesterday who told me that they were on a, uh, they had one acting job in their
life when they were in, in high school and they were on like a teen soap opera
And that's the only thing they've ever done
This was like I've known this person for a while and it was like shocking to me
That they did two seasons on a teen soap opera and I was like well do your children know and it's like no
They don't know yet, but I think it would be interesting to know that about you know
Yeah, well that'd be a crazy reveal if I found out my mom had been on a teen soap opera,
but she didn't tell me until I was like in my teens,
right?
I'd be like, why don't I know this?
Well, you just said that this show shouldn't be listened
to until, no, I just invented, they won't care to hear
this until they were all different.
They're mom talking about like stuff that, yeah.
That is relevant to them at that age.
Right.
Maybe that would be more interesting.
I think young kids don't really care what their parents do for a living.
I would lie to my children and tell them that I did a really cool thing for them to do.
I would tell them I was the first man to walk on the moon and see how long it would take
and they would go to school and they would be like, my dad is an astronaut and was the first
man to walk on the moon and people would be like, no, I don't think so.
And just see how long I could get away with it.
This is what I would do.
Have you heard of my children up for pain and failure?
Have you heard of Greta Thunberg that 16 year old activists for climate change?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
She's really awesome.
And she there was this great interview with her on the daily show recently,
which I think everyone should watch.
But she, um, she is in the middle of well, yeah,
but it's more about what she's saying. It's what I'm more of a John Stuart down. In the middle of, well, yeah, but it's more about what she's saying.
It's what I'm more of a still Mar guy.
Boo.
But she says she's doing the flying strike because I guess that is one of the biggest contributors
to climate change.
So she's not flying.
She just took a no emissions boat ride from, I believe, Sweden to New York or something. And she's only 16. And her
mom is an opera singer and her mom had also was doing this flight strike and now changed her career
to be doing musical theater instead of opera. And Trevor Noah was like, because she wouldn't
have to fly for it. And Trevor Noah was like, oh, how do you feel about your mom changing her job
for you know, this belief? And she was like, I don't really care about my mom's job or it's on the big deal.
But she's Asperger's.
It's also kind of in her own home.
Right.
So she gets, but that's how we all really feel.
But I think it's true.
That when you're like a teen, you're like, I don't care.
But if you were, yeah, if you had a, I guess if you had a famous parent, would you care?
I think, I think half the kids would be like, that's so awesome.
I want to be like my parent and half of them would be like, oh god, and so embarrassed by my parents. Yeah.
Yeah, I think about that a lot, like what it's like to be the child of a famous person and
how you would resist that pull to want to do what they'd do. I mean, because it probably looks
to want to do what they'd, I mean, because it probably looks great, you know?
I mean, it probably looks really cool.
Yeah.
Maybe they would, and maybe the parents are only showing
the perks and they're trying to hide the bad stuff,
you know, from the kids.
I would bet that most of you're trying to show them
the bad stuff and it's not working.
Oh, right.
All they see is the perks.
It's like, yeah, you seem to combine a lot,
but your life seems pretty great to me.
Yeah, fucking ass, aha. I guess being a kid is, perks. It's like, yeah, you seem to combine a lot, but your life seems pretty great to me. Yeah, fucking ass.
I guess being a kid is, is your constantly like,
in so much fear and worried about judgment and stuff.
And then to see people coming up.
That's true for everyone.
Well, children are a cowardly, superstitious thing.
But seeing people come up to your parents
and saying like, hey, your great is something
that maybe wouldn't happen for a lot of kids.
Like, you know, the constant, hey, you're great.
You're great, you know, I mean, you had a very happy childhood, Lauren, but I was also full
of worry and fear.
Yeah, I was.
I related to you, but I was just saying I bet there are kids who would be like, I wasn't
thinking, I don't need that stuff.
Right.
But just to see people, and even if it just seems surface level, constantly, you know, giving people praise
and adulation. Yeah, it must seem very alluring to kids, but they, you know, the downside of it,
you guys are both. Well, I can't think of one. Yeah.
Thank you. I'm peeling off the sticker. I'm listening to you. I'm just drawing a little
doodle. You have the spotlight, Scott. Let's hear what you want to say.
You want to direct eye contact, the whole podcast time.
How do you like this, huh?
Look at her.
Right, that's it.
Look away.
Look away.
Oh, yeah.
We need a second break.
MUSIC
Welcome back to Freedom and it's time for the creature.
It's time for a creature and what is this one going to be?
Paul because Lauren's mouth is still full.
Well, I'm going to tell you, I'm back to soon.
We were sent this game hot seat that we mentioned earlier and we decided to sit and write the fuck here
Yeah, let's play it. Let's play hot seat. It's a party game. Okay. I don't know the rules are the way it works
As each round right and answer to the question pertain to be the player in the hot seat
Points are awarded to the players who guessed the hot seat players answer correctly
And that's essentially full players into guessing their answer.
What?
What?
What?
What?
What is this hot seat?
Hot seat?
What is this hot seat?
Give each player an answer.
Give each player an answer.
Give each player an answer.
Thiago is my name.
Please don't fight me.
For many more voice over jobs. It's all I got
That was not a good. I did not do a good Gilbert
Please don't fire me from any
Tough are you able to do it? I know okay?
The problem with this game is that we need more people but we're gonna have Kevin participate. Oh
more people, but we're going to have Kevin participate. Oh, no. Okay. All right. Allow this one, but it's not for them. It's more like boredom.
Mom said we have to let Kevin play our game with us. So the player in the hot seat
draws three cards and reads them privately. The player in the hot seat chooses one
card to play, one to give to another player, and one to discard. If given a card, the player keeps it face down and must play it on their next
turn. Okay. There's so many rules. Everyone including the player in the hot seat writes
an answer to the card in play on their answer pad from the perspective of the player in
the hot seat. Does Kevin know how to play already? The player in the hot seat collects the answers
and reads all them out loud. Moving clockwise, each player guesses which answer was written
by their player in the hot scene. Okay.
It's too obvious if we only have two people.
I think we need all three.
I mean four.
Okay.
Yes.
Everyone gets a beautiful pen tell pen.
I want blue.
Um, too hard to find right now.
How it purple?
I know.
How dare you.
Too hard to.
Oh, we know, but everyone has a color we have.
Got to be tank color.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no knows what color we have. Gotta be tank color. No, that doesn't matter because the person reading it
knows which one they made.
Like the hot seat person, you'll understand what happens.
But we can also see what color the other people have.
No, but it doesn't matter because they're gonna read all the
questions, they're gonna read all the responses
and you have to get, okay, I'm in the hot seat.
Okay, you're in that seat.
I read the question, everyone answers it as me and then I'll read all responses and you're like, okay, I'm in the hot seat. Okay, you're in the hot seat. I read the question, everyone answers it as me
and then I'll read all four responses
and I won't show you.
She's the only person I'll know.
I was right anyway.
You know what I mean?
Okay, here we go.
I'm pink.
It doesn't matter.
Mr. Pink.
What is historical event?
At least you're Mr. Brown.
Mr. Shit.
What is historical event?
Would I have loved to be a part of?
To be a weird movie. I do love a movie. What historical event would I have loved to be a part of? I do.
What historical event would you, Lauren Lapkuss, have loved to have been a part of?
And we're trying to guess what you would actually say.
We'll probably pull up these silences.
Oh, this is like the dictionary game and all that.
Yeah.
And yeah, you might make a joke or two.
Okay.
Oh, I don't know about that.
That's a lot of pressure
All right, I'm just trying to fill the time
But as we're writing, but I have to say that I have written
My answer and I
Taren it off and I'm giving it over to little Miss Lauren Lapkes.
Okay.
And she's going to read it out loud.
And are you ready?
And are you ready?
And are you ready?
All right.
All right.
Now I'm going to, don't look, please everyone.
Now I'm going to don't look.
Okay.
These are, what is the historical event when I have left to be a part of? Woodstock.
A assassination of JFK.
Princess dies wedding.
Woodstock.
Okay.
Okay.
We all know this.
I think I see what's going on here.
We all know what it is.
It's Princess dies wedding.
It's got to be Princess dies wedding.
Chef?
What do you think? Yes, I think itrincess dies waiting. Chef? What do you think?
Yeah, I think it's Princess dies waiting.
The answer was Woodstock and Paul got it right.
Yes!
Yes!
Holy shit.
But the other answers were great.
I would have loved to do a Cabe Test.
That was mine.
Yeah, yeah, I was right.
I was right.
So Paul, the weird part is, is you wrote Woodstock,
and you still thought one of us wrote Woodstock
that odds of that are so astronomical.
That's astronomical, bless you.
Crazy.
Okay, Paul, pick a card.
I'm Paul, I pick a card.
Should I, is this, I guess?
They all flipped over.
Oh, okay, stuff, the box.
Yeah, if I were a car,
interesting, interesting.
What model would I be if I were a car?
I'm already a Radikowski.
If I were a car.
Claudia Schiffer,
if I were a car,
what model would I be?
This is a fun game.
Okay.
Anita Eckberg.
Anita Hill and Joe Biden.
Clarence Thomas. Oh, I have to write one down too, right? Yes.
Yes.
Queen.
There's a right answer, Queen.
Yes.
Queen. You must write one down, Queen.
I like this game.
Okay. I like this game.
Okay.
Now, mix them all up.
However you like, Paul, look, this is your time to shine.
Didn't we play something like this in Palm Springs?
Anyway, here we go.
Oh, no, we did the, we, we wrote, yeah, you weren't invited.
Fuck you.
Okay, here we go.
Hot seat.
Okay.
If I were a car, what model would I be? T-bird.
Model T.
T-theme.
Model T.
And rolls Royce.
Okay, so do I vote first or what?
Are we going clockwise?
Let's go clockwise. I think that'll be easier to do.
In the ways of the clock.
Okay, so the chances are that you said T-Bird,
it's a 50-50 chance that you said T-Bird,
but I actually think you're a Rolls Royce guy,
so I'm gonna say Rolls Royce.
All right.
T-Bird.
Model T.
Answer was Rolls Royce.
Yes!
Who's the Valtese?
I don't know, but fuck y'all.
I did. Sorry, I guess I meant Model a bottle team? I don't know, but fuck y'all. I did.
Sorry, I guess I met Model T.
Yeah.
But you also meant Model T?
You also meant Model T?
No, I meant because it's a 50, 50 chance
of its Model T because you said Model T twice.
Oh, he did say Model T.
No, no, I said T.
Okay, great.
Pick a card.
So are we scoring points?
Model T is like the original.
It's like classic. It's like it's like cool and has a hard. Are we scoring points? Model T is like, it's like the original. It's like classic.
It's like, it's like, it's like cool and has a hard point.
Are we scoring in the game?
There's nothing cooler than a model to be good at.
And do I see other points?
I mean, the coolest car.
I'm even driving it.
Paul has a point, right?
How do we score it?
Paul has a point.
Is it a scoring game or is it?
Yeah, I guess it is.
Paul has a point.
And I have a point.
Okay, because I guess? I guess it is. Paul has a point. And I have a point. Okay.
Cause I guess,
great.
I guess fuck.
Wait, could I have had two points if I said Woodstock
because I wrote it and it was the crazy.
Yeah, isn't it that you are tricking people
into thinking that your answer is not it?
I don't know.
Anyways,
Kevin, look it up while we're playing.
I don't know if you're trying to trick anyone.
I'm playing.
I don't know.
Are you?
That was to be tricking people. Lauren read that in the rules of it.
Okay.
What would my parents be referring to
if they texted me saying,
I know what you did when you were younger?
That's great.
I know what you did.
I know what you did.
I know what you did when you were younger.
I feel like I've told every embarrassing story about myself.
Yeah, I'm just going to pick one.
One of my faves.
Okay, Ray. Uh, yes.
Okay, thank you.
This is from chef and great. I'm going to tear mine good. Read the question again.
Okay, the question is, what would my parents be referring to
if they texted me saying, I know what you did
when you were younger?
All right.
We have, wrote a bike with sunglasses on.
Classic story.
Drew, chickenpox dots on my forehead. Another classic story. Drew chickenpox dots on my forehead.
Another classic story. Jack off in the pool. I mean, that's a classic sort of
everyone. Not cool up. All right. Okay. And so the answer. So we're going clockwise. as we go to Shevin chicken pox. I think you wrote chicken pox.
I think you wrote chicken pox.
I wrote chicken pox.
Yeah.
Did you write not Kool-Up Paul?
No, I did.
Oh, nice.
Yeah, I don't even understand that one.
Well, that's what you didn't do when you were younger
because she didn't exist.
It was there, yeah. Fuck about you Rojack off in the pool. Yeah, of course. I knew that I
Guess we got to do Kevin get one
All right, what kind of weird shit has Kevin been up to we don't talk he doesn't talk a lot in the show
So people don't know that much about him, but he does talk a lot of maybe don't if you want to know
Yeah, yes, his own show okay, what would be the mission statement of a cult that I started?
The mission statement of a cult that Kevin started. We all got one point on the last one, right? Yes.
All right. All right.
I'm not.
I think.
You have yours.
Okay.
All right.
We're turning them into Kevin who is wrapping up his answer as well.
And he could grab these from me at any time,
and I wouldn't be sitting here with my arm stuck out.
That'd be cool.
All right.
I got right mine, sorry.
I got right mine.
I got right mine, I sorry.
I got right mine, I sorry.
I got right mine.
You could just say it.
You don't have to write it.
That's a good point.
Well, but it's more believable.
It's more believable.
It is more believable.
Although I didn't write mine down.
You fucking sneak.
You moved your pen for like 10 minutes.
You sneak, I know we could've all out.
But I was miming my dear.
All right.
Get me more mic time.
Yeah, I miss my mommy.
The culture statement.
Stay hydrated.
And to listen to more podcasts.
Wow.
These are all exactly what you would say.
So it's hard to pick.
I guess I would say. So it's hard to pick. I guess I would say
to listen to more podcasts.
I would also say to listen to more podcasts. I will say stay hydrated.
Okay. So I said stay hydrated.
Yes.
Yes. Oh, wait.
And but do I get points because they picked my thing?
Oh my God.
Who cares?
We're not scoring this, but I'm obviously the winner.
And that's how we play hot seat.
That was fun.
Yeah.
That was fun.
Listen, thank you all for listening to the show.
Thanks for the people to the people that sent nice gifts.
That's very sweet.
That was so kind.
Look, we're going to roll on out of here.
You won't be hearing from us for a while.
But we're gonna come back someday.
I hope.
Someday, I hope we come back.
Look, here's the deal.
The last time that the show ended,
we asked you to send postcards to Colin.
And he got very mad at us and punished us.
Because it was too many postcards.
It was a deluge of postcards that he didn't know what to do with.
And he was very upset with us.
We didn't get any sticky toffee pudding for a solid month.
Yes.
So this time, what should they do if they want to hear more of the show?
Because we have no plans to make any more shows.
They should tweet a call and take an ad out in the LA Times.
Yes.
A full page ad.
Tweeted call. Tweeted call and Anderson. Tweet a call and take an ad out in the LA times. Yes. A full page ad, tweet at Colin.
Colin Anderson, tweet at Colin Anderson.
Tell him you want more show or tell him, hey, look, I think that's good.
That's enough.
Sure.
You know, Colin and her.
Colin and her is how you made a tweet at big Grande tweets.
Yeah.
Big Grande tweets, big Grande tweets.
Tell them you want more freedom and less of what they do.
Well, no, you can like what they do,
but you want more of what we do.
Right.
So then what they do.
Tweet at, yes.
Tweet at, that's great.
Tweet at Big Grande Tweets and say, hey guys.
Hey guys.
Can you talk to Colin Anderson about getting more freedom on the books?
Please, they wanna hear from you.
They wanna hear from you.
They wanna know so bad.
They wanna know daddy.
We gotta go, they wanna know.
We gotta go, but we should thank Shab over here.
Thank you, Shab and we should thank you.
And we should thank you, Sam.
Sam over here.
I'm sorry.
And all the people who were with the book.
Thank you, Engineer Zigg, producer Zigg. Right. He was here the first were talking about this. Thank you, Engineer Zig, producer Zig.
Right.
He was here the first episode.
I've never seen him again.
I know, but he, man, he really cares about the show.
That's the first episode.
He plugs it.
He plugs it.
I would like for everyone to follow all of us on Twitter and Instagram.
For everyone to follow.
And all our individuals, because we are all going to be doing other things that we would
like for you to check out.
And so that's the best way to know about them.
Yes.
And thank you so much for listening. We really do appreciate it. And we love you.
But I love you too. But this is not us kissing each other. Oh, should we end on this song?
Yes. And before we go, let's hear a song that was sent to us. Who sent us this?
Tyler Beckwith. Tyler Beckwith sent us this. This is
based on a previous episode. This is a beautiful remix. Here we go. This will take us out. Goodbye, everyone. The street signs are missing the teens are to blame
In a mysterious town, in a movie, Tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tru, tr Hey watch it! It starts right now!