Threedom - Threevisiting: You're So Plane

Episode Date: April 23, 2024

Threevisiting on the Tues: Scott, Paul & Lauren discuss going to the moon, The Littlest Hobo, and official state songs before playing Rated Scenes. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail at HAGCLAIMS8.com. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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We did it. We're outside. Can you believe that we are doing the podcast again? Can you believe it? We're about two and a half Scots apart from each other. Yeah. And but a half Scots apart from each other. Yeah. And, but not- Maybe three Scots. We might be three Scots from each other.

Maybe three Scots. We might be three Scots away. I say I'm three Scots away, Paul's three Scots away, and I'm three Scots away from Paul. You're more than three Scots away from Paul. We're at an equal lateral triangle. No, I believe the Udapal is a little longer. Udapal. The longest side.

Udapal dow dog. Udapal dow dog. What is that from, Finding Forester? Yeah, of course it is. Udapol. Udapol now, dog! Udapol now, dog! What is that from? Finding Forester? Yeah, of course it is. Oh, of course. Udaman now, dog! What else is from Finding Forester? Can you name some other details?

I cannot. Well, I think they were on a baseball field at some point. Is that right? Maybe? It could be. I saw it. I don't remember any of it other than Udaman now, dog! That's the only line I know ever.

From any movie. Or any dog. now dog. That's the only line. I know ever Okay movie or any dog and does Robin Williams say it no But he did say it though at some point in his life thought he said that Connor Sean Connery said it He died right oh he said yeah, he was on the cover of People Mag. Along with Mia Farrow. Every time a person dies, they gotta put the picture on the cover. Well, people.

Look, this is the beat me cover. You know what I fucking hate? I follow People Magazine on Instagram. And it's like- Coming in hot. Oh my God, I just love to have a strong- This is what Lauren hates, by the way. This is Lauren, and this is what she hates.

New segments, new segments. Okay, I don't know if it's new. I actually think we've done it before. I think I have something on every episode. But the People Magazine, I enjoy following it. It's just random little stories. Sometimes they're about- About various people, right?

Sometimes they're about celebrities, and sometimes they're about regular people and something remarkable, or just cute that happened. When it is a celebrity that people haven't heard of, the comments are like, who the fuck is this? Why do you post all this shit? And I go, do you not understand that they post from someone walking down the street

to someone on the red carpet? Yeah. All every day, every day. From the street to the carpet. Because you don't know who this one country star is. You're gonna rip them a new one. And it's like, you can just predict it every time. Like, okay, I don't know who this. And it's like, you just predict it every time. Like, okay, I don't know who this is,

let's see, the comments are gonna go off. And it's like, who gives a shit, they had a baby, who cares, nah. And it's like, well, you liked it when that little baby got a cochlear implant, you didn't know who that was. Ah! Are you just? That would be so funny if people were scared.

Who the fuck is this? Who the fuck is this baby? Get a cochlear implant. But that's the same. This baby isn't famous. That's what the account is. It is everyone. Of course, yeah. So why are you mad that you don't know

who that celebrity is? You're just preemptively trying to protect yourself when they do something about you. I've already had that happen to me, where people go, who the hell is that? You used to be a babysitter, and now you're a movie star. I don't care.

I just find it weird. I do love that trajectory from me. I forgot. Next astronaut. I mean, there were a lot more steps in between, but yeah. Would you go in space? Have we talked about this before? I don't think we, let's talk about it right now.

I don't want to go to space. Janie doesn't either. I would go to space. You want to go to space? I don't, I don't like want to, you know, go to Mars and never come back, but if they said you could go to the moon, I would go to the moon Well, we're in the jungle by the way

They we were gonna go back to the moon We were gonna go back to the moon for some Wasn't he trying to go to the moon? Jackie Gleason talked about it at one point. I think he did. Jackie Gleason. Oh god. I don't think he did go.

Motherfucker. But um. I think he, no I think he eventually did get to go. Not like part of NASA but yeah. He didn't go. I'm googling. He wanted to go. I know he wanted to go.

I thought he got to go eventually. No, he didn't get to go. He was certified. All the people like who are gonna go the Brady Bunch house and then HGTV snatched it. Yeah, HGTV outbid him. Bass has stated that he believes young people becoming more interested in space exploration will help the future of our planet. From 2003 to 2005- Disagree.

He spent World Space School traveling to American high school speaking with students about space exploration. And then he's a member of the Space Society, Space Advocacy. We're all members of the Space Society. Space advocacy. We're all members of the Space Society. He absolute in 2007, he told GQ he absolutely still intends on going to space and that he hopes to work on a space documentary. Let me just say something right here on freedom. This is a promise to our listeners.

Lance Pass will never go to space. And he also retained fluency in Russian, which he was required to learn during his training. Holy shit, that's intense. Wow. Now that's intense, and yet he didn't get to go. Let's focus back on ourselves though, because I wanna hear about Paul's reasons

for wanting to go to the moon. Okay, I wanna hear what you're gonna do up there, kick rocks? Bitch. Pfft. I'm gonna collect all the golf clubs and sell them. I would I okay here are my reasons I think it would be an amazing experience to go into space. Do you get sick in that kind of environment on roller coaster? No I don't I don't I don't really have motion sickness I'm

pretty good with stuff like that. Okay what about emotional motion sickness I'm pretty good with stuff like that okay what about emotional motion sickness it is true that if I'm not I'm not driving the car I do get sad roller coasters I'm always crying I ruin everyone when they have the photo at the end I wanted to drive it daddy I wanted to drive that's This guy's whooping! Daddy! I wanted to drive the roller coaster! That's what I say if I ever get in the front car I'm driving the roller coaster! We're all screaming shut up kid! I would kill to go on the roller coaster with you guys right now at Disneyland Oh I would love it!

Well it's going to open back up in April 1, let's go! That's the fucking weirdest thing I've ever heard Why are they doing that? I don't know Mainly it's outside That's the fucking weirdest thing I've ever heard. Why are they doing that? Oh no. Well, it's mainly it's outside. Did Backstreet Boys do the, they did the monster video, right? Yeah, everybody.

And which monster in Lance Batch was in that? No, he was in N'Sync? He was in N'Sync. Yeah, and they did, they did. Mack straight back, all right. They did not do that. No, N'Sync did. N'Sync did Backstreet's back all right. Tearing up my heart. No, that's Backst All right. They did not do that. No, Nsync did. Nsync did Backstreet's Back All Right.

Tearing up my heart. No, that's Backstreet Boys. Oh yeah. We can't name a single Nsync song. No, no. I know them. I know them. Gone. Gone. That's not them. Straight up, now, tell me. No, it's not.

That's Nsync. Oh yeah, it's just Nsync. Oh, say can you see. Was that Nsync? I'm sure they did that. Happy birthday Bye, bye, bye Bye, I would love for NSYNC to sing me happy birthday.

No, they did do Tear It Out My Heart. But what's the chorus in the bye, bye, bye song? Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye I'm never gonna feel you I'm never gonna feel you And that's when they were puppets, right? No, that's Is that Backstreet Boys?

No, I think, no, no, NSYNC were puppets. You're right, I think they were puppets right no, that's Wanted to say no strings attached but that was the name of the album to be fair they were marionettes. Yes I'm never gonna be I'm never gonna pee and poo I'm never gonna pee and poo I'm never gonna pee and poo Okay. Pees and poos have got no pee-pee I'm gonna hold it all inside myself Till I die of septic Yeah, something

Okay. I'm gonna die of poo disease That'll do pigs. The poo is going to my knees Jesus H Christ. Well back to Paul going up in space. Back to Paul in space. You'd have to train, wouldn't you?

You'd have to learn Russian apparently. Not me, man. You would just go up. Well, okay. I don't believe that. I just believe that everyone had to learn Russian for that. What's the cutoff for you? If you had to learn Russian, would you go up in space?

Yeah, you know what? Yeah, you would. Okay. So when do you think you want to go? If you had to go through space camp for... I'm not doing anything right now. I'm trying to narrow it down a little bit. If you had to go to space camp for two years of training, would you go? Yeah. On your own dime? I don't know. It depends how much it costs, I guess. Remember when COVID was really popping off and then they took off in that space shuttle? And everyone was like jealous? Yeah. You know, here's the thing.

I haven't thought about it in those terms of like, what would be necessary to do. I'm just saying if I had the opportunity... Step onto a space shuttle like you were going on a do. Right. I'm just saying if I could just step onto the opportunity, step onto a space shuttle like you like you were going on a plane. Yes. If I had the opportunity to do it, I absolutely would do it. You walked into the space shuttle like you was walking up to a plane.

I am interested. You're so plain. You probably think the spaceship's about you. You're so plain. This is terrible. Well, OK, how long does it take to get to the moon and back? Well, I know it's between here and New York City. Getting to the moon?

I don't know how long it takes. I'll Google it. I'm a resident Google. Yeah, Google that since you're not interested. I'm going to keep asking questions. I am interested. You got to Google that. Google that.

You got to Google how long it takes. I'm going to die, no disease. No, it's three days to get to the moon Three days. Yeah, you probably have six days. Why aren't they going there more? Six to what I don't even get to get out Turn right back around Five minutes to walk around gift shop. What was the movie I saw recently where they're on the moon and they're like

having the chase. Moon men. Moon chase. It was pretty- Pretty moon chase. It made me not wanna go to the moon. Bad, pretty moon chase bad. Pretty moon chase bad. They went to the moon? Well, they got on the moon and they were like,

oh fuck, what was it? And then they had like a chase between two cars where like- He made you not want to go. Well, no, because he was like- Like you were so interested, you're like, you know what, actually I want to cancel my trip. This clearly made up thing. Like, well, if that's what it's going to be like, forget it.

Well, no, I have to say there's been a couple of that George Clooney movie that just came out and the Cloverfield movie and stuff like that. More like George Mooney. There are certain- More like Clovermoon. There are certain spaceship movies that have made me not wanna go out in space. In the same way that I don't wanna be out on a ship

in the middle of nowhere and I don't wanna be underneath like in the abyss. Don't you feel like we got a new space movie every four months? Yeah, that's about right. How about a movie about- Three a year. Indiana.

Well, there were four that I can think of, yes. Oh, I know. But we need to talk to you. I know you are now him, the man. That George Clooney movie was two different types of I'm trapped in a terrible situation type movie was one. I'm trapped in a spaceship that's breaking. Gravity. And I have to go, yeah, gravity is another one

where I like have to go fix the ship and all this shit can go wrong. Gravity is scary. And I saw that in the theaters. And that was a good one to see in the theaters cause you're like, feel like you're really there. They should have called it gravity cause it got a hold of me.

Oh yeah. And that part of the end with Sandra Book's falling into the water, walking out. Yeah. But then the other part of the George Clooney thing is he's wandering around in the snow in a blizzard and like he falls asleep in a shelter that suddenly is flooding and sinking into the ice

and shit like just all of my worst nightmares, claustrophobic nightmares, other than like being drowning. Maybe it's just George Clooney you have a problem with. Yeah, that's true. He's a silver fox though. How many have you seen? How many are his twins now? 50? We don't hear about them. Wait, that's true. He's a silver fox, though. Have you ever seen twins now? We don't we don't hear about them.

Wait, he has twins. Twins. He and him. So he says I thought him and Danny Devito were twins. I literally thought you were saying that. And I don't know. Oh, no, that's an espresso commercial. Never mind. Oh, my God.

I know. Oh, my God. You're exasperated. Let's erase this one. No! We will never erase one. Well so Paul, so... So, it's not that far, which is good, cause I was thinking,

oh wow, if you had to be away from Janey for four months, would you do it? Well yeah, you'd do that for a job. Yeah. Would you be away from Janey for four months for a job? Yeah, if I had to, yeah. Would you be away from Janey for five months for a job? Yes.

Would you be away from Janey for six months for a job? Yes. Would you be away from Janey for seven months for not a job? No. What would that... I want to know though what those circumstances would be. How many months? They aren't going to be gone for seven months. It is not for a job. No. What would that, I wanna know though, what those circumstances would be. How many months?

They aren't gonna be gone for seven months. It is not for a job. Scott, would you go away from cool out for four months for a job? I, I don't know. It would depend on the job. What's your literal problem? It would just depend on the job.

I mean, it's- What's your major malfunction? It's the same thing when I was younger and people were like, Hey, do you wanna go ride on SNL or whatever? And I was like, I don't really want to go move to New York. I'm happy here.

So you just don't want to go away. I have roots here. But you're not moving. You're going to Hawaii for four months to shoot a movie without Coolop. Wait, would I star in The Wrong Missy? Yes. As The Wrong Missy? Yes, they're doing a reboot.

A male reboot. A male Missy. It's all male. The Wrong Mister-ry. No, I probably- We can get gay panic back into comedy. If it was a good enough part, yeah, I probably would do anything for like a good four months.

But I- I'd go away for four months, five months. It's too long, it's hard. I have a friend who moved away for four months, five months. It's long, it's hard. I have a friend who moved away for nine months though, and it's tough. Well, you know, I think that kind of sucks when you're on like a TV show and you're like. It was a baby, right?

It was a baby, yeah. It was a sperm. It was a boss baby. It moved away. My friend was a sperm, he moved away for nine months. He came back and it's like a baby. He came back and he was totally different. He couldn't even recognize him.

So much bigger. Big head. So less sperm-y. He had such a big head when he came So much bigger. Big head. So less sperm-y. He had such a big head when he came back. No, but when you're people, the thing I don't, I'm not jealous of is when people are cast on a show that shoots in like Canada or something or another place. That's so tough.

And then they live there for like, yeah, but like not fully. Like they kind of still have their place here. I have a friend who got cast in a Canadian show and once it became pretty clear that it was gonna keep going they bought a house in Canada and moved their partner up to Canada with them But their partner had to essentially agree to like not do anything themselves they had to just like live in Canada and not work themselves. And that show was the Little AtoBo. Yeah, that's right.

It's such a little... Such a cute show. I mean, I've seen Little Hobos before, but the littlest? He's smaller than anyone and it was proven. Did you know that that's an actual show? Oh, no. I didn't.

It's one of my favorite references to Canadiana. It is, it was a show from the 80s, I want to say early 80s, maybe late 70s, early 80s. That was a sort of incredible Hulk, highway to heaven sort of show where this character moves from town to town. But you might be surprised to know that a little Lillestopa was a German Shepherd. That's what I just discovered. Oh, catch! So somehow this dog is going from town to town.

By itself? By itself. Starring London as Hopa. Ha ha ha ha. Call it London. That's a show. The littlest London? No, just London.

It literally has a- Hey, I'm gonna watch London. What's that show about? There's a title card from a sitcom starring London in- It's not a sitcom. Or whatever, they really gave the dog a title card This to he was the star What do we give it saying so you would help treat you would help someone with some kind of problem

I bet if you ask the dog over a dog good I bet if you ask the dog, what would you rather have a title card or a treat one treat? One tree. It's like the marshmallow experiment. You understand. You're gonna be a famous dog. I'll take the one tree. Now dogs don't know they're in movies, but they do know they're on a set.

They do know they're in a workplace. Because they're with their trainer, not their owner. Yes, and so they go to a place and they're like, okay This is I've been in places like this before I know what is expected of me to do But they don't know half the time. I won't do it. They don't know the concept of cameras though. No, they don't they just see them They see them as big things shadowy things, but some dogs can watch TV Mm-hmm, so they know what TV is so wouldn wouldn't it, couldn't they just extrapolate that, oh, cameras must film?

But hold on a second. Just because they watch TV, that doesn't mean they know that it's TV. My dog. They might think it's a window. My dog will bark at doorbells on the TV that we've never had. Yes. A sound that she's never heard as a doorbell.

My dog will too. But my dog will not bark at voices on TV because they know it's TV. Yeah, but isn't it weird that they know that it's... If you have a doorbell on the show that's like ding-dong, but you never had a doorbell like that in your house, why do they know... Well, we change up our doorbell songs. It's gotta be the pitch, right?

Every two weeks. Okay, well, I don't do that because I'm not a fucking freak. Do you really? We stick with the Westminster chimes. Can't get enough. Bing-dong, ding-dong. Bing-dong, ding-dong. Bing-dong, ding-dong. Ding-dong, ding- enough. Bing dong, ding dong. Bing dong, ding dong.

Ding dong, ding dong. Goes on for 15 minutes. Cool. Cool. No, but I- That's what I grew up with. Do you think dogs know what TV is? They know it's a thing that's broadcasting a thing?

No. No. My dogs do know- How could they know that? They know it's broadcasting. They know phones. They now know phones because anytime we pick up the phone to answer a phone call, they think it's us using our front door cam to talk to someone who's delivering something.

So they will immediately start barking anytime we pick up the phone. So they don't know what phones are. That's like a Pavlovian response. No, they know it's communicating between us and the person outside. Yes, they know that. But that doesn't mean they know phones. That's like saying when you say sit and you get a treat, it's communicating between us and the person outside. Yes, they know that. But that doesn't mean they know phones. That's like saying when you say sit and you get a treat, it's connected. Dogs know phones.

That's the same thing. Both those phones. Dog knows phones. Dogs are smarter than you think. I think they know what TV is. Hey man, even if they're smarter than I think. So they know when they're on a set, they know what cameras are. Is this Scott justifying why he are. His dog as his therapist.

This is why I take all my dog's advice. Me and my dog talk about TV shows. I do most of the talking granted. But boy, what have you seen recently? Let me start. Tops know what TV is. So Paul, would you go away for a year? Would you go away right now?

Well, we had a situation where I did, I was offered a job. She moved there. And she came with me, yes. And this was, we had just moved in together, so it was a real turning point for us. You moved in in LA and then you got the job in New York? Yes. And we lived together for about six months, something like that.

The old six-month special. But it was a discussion of what is the best way to do this. Do we do visits, you know, like every month, or like how do we work this, you know? But I feel like that's the kind of best-case scenario in that you're both actors. New York is a great place to live. It feels like it seems like it would be.

It feels like a treat to get to move there for a job. I was very excited. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But but what if what if she couldn't what if she was working here? And would you take a five year gig where you worked nine months out of the year? If it was a good gig, yes, I would. And we would figure it out. What is a good gig to you? A job that I would like to do that pays me good money. Yeah.

I mean, if it's honestly, those are considerations sometimes. I don't think it's I don't think I've ever had to turn down something. I've never had I've never been put in that position where it was like, this is very good money, but this job will clearly be miserable, you know, because of the project it is, the character, the role, the people, whatever. But you're always like kind of prepared for that. Like there could come a situation like that where it's like,

here are the upsides to this but the downsides are many. And is it worth sacrificing this much time of your life to do it? It's like the Bob Odenkirk conundrum of like having to move to San Antonio or wherever they shoot that. In New Mexico, right?

New Mexico, yeah. Yeah, yeah, right. And just being away from your family for so long and then like trying to figure out exactly how to navigate that. Yeah, but then right. And just being away from your family for so long and then like trying to figure out exactly how to navigate that. Yeah, but then you work it out. You figure out the best possible plan you can come up with. And it makes it not as bad.

You know? And it's also like, it depends on, you know, New Mexico, it's probably not that, you know, like flight wise, how long of a flight is that? Yeah, I think it's probably two hours. Yeah. But I also think Yeah, I think it's probably two hours at the most. But I also think like, I find it exciting to get to live somewhere else for a period of time.

Yeah, you went to England for that. Yeah, I was like there for four months. And I mean, that was really cool. I did that too, it was a great experience. Like I never would get to do that in my life. And then I know where I never would choose to. And I wouldn't even know how to figure out how to move somewhere for a period of time like that

Like legally with like visas or whatever. I don't know how that shit works So it's great to get the opportunity to go somewhere and then I also think like it just Opens up your life in this interesting way. Like you just don't know what's coming. So it's kind of fun. Yeah There is something to the experience of living in another Country for long enough where you can feel like you get a sense of what life is like there. You're not there as a tourist, you're having to buy groceries,

you're having to do the normal shit you do in life in another place, and getting a feel for that is exciting and fun. Yeah. So say you had to move to the moon for a job. Move? You have to live on the moon for a job. Move? You have to live on the moon and it's all, and then let me tell you. The first moon TV show?

Yes. It's all gray, the rocks. There's not like a house. It's like you're in your suit, but you're, you can piss in the suit. Wait, no, you have a house. You have a house, but you still have to piss in the suit. There's no structure. I'm just out on the surface of the moon, the end.

Here's my question about the moon. How big is it really? Because I feel like in that video of them walking on it. You could probably, if you just started- You feel like it's like the little prince? It's not that big. If you started in one place and tried to walk around the whole thing,

you could probably do it in like five hours Like workout video game maps where they say in real in real life it would be this How I want to know like the comparison like how big is the moon? I bet it's a limit Can we both guess before you say what it is? I don't even know, like are we talking about diameter? Is that what we're gonna guess? As compared to the earth, I would say. Well, I can't do it.

Let's figure out a fraction. I'm gonna say it's one third of the earth. Well, okay, I'll do that first, but I'm gonna do it compared to the US, because I feel like we need like a sort of something we can grab whatever has around. So we need to visualize hands across America from the 1986

Third the width of Earth, that's what I said. Yeah, that is what you said nice nice Okay, and compared to the USA Okay, so the surface area of the moon to the USA Actually, thanks for getting into that. I love that song Find that song moving God bless the USA Wow, and I proudly stand And I stand up next to you. Have you seen the Millennials? Clapping back at Gen Z with parodies of God bless the USA. I haven't seen this, but oh my God.

It's terrible. Okay, well, I just want to say that the moon is the same size as Russia, Canada and the US combined. So it's pretty- Oh, that's big. Well, big, but also small. Wow, that's deep. You couldn't walk across it in five steps,

like I kind of thought. Five steps? But it's pretty big. If they said, hey, we're gonna go film the first television show on the moon. I don't want anything to do with that. You don't want anything to do with it, but Paul, would you do it? You would do it.

That would be tough because Janie does not want to go into space. But... And so that is a way that we can't, how are we gonna work that out? Yeah. Let me let me let me soften the deal. Please soften the deal. We're doing we're doing location shooting on the moon

and we're doing it for six months. And we're going to we're going to do like three seasons worth of a show. Do all of our location shooting on the moon. Yes. You would do it. The answer is yes. Nice. Really? I want to do this now. You want to go to the moon that freaking bad You would do it? The answer is yes. Nice. Really? I wanna do this now.

You wanna go to the moon that freaking bad? I think, I mean, that, I think that's just a priceless experience. Yeah. Now, now- I mean, that's why it's cost so much when they do these space shells. It's like, oh yeah, it's gonna cost $7 million.

Cause like, it is in a way priceless. I think I would go to the moon when I'm 90. You're gonna die on the moon when you're 90. That's fine though, because then I could die there, it'd be really cool. And then they could put me in a tombstone. If you could die on the moon, how would you? Breathing the air.

I just think, it's just not, it's not what I foresee. I'm not going there. As my death. I'm not going there. Just so everyone knows, I'm not going there. Just so everyone knows, I wanna die peacefully in my bed when I'm 99. That's the only good way to die I don't 100. I don't want to die falling downstairs. Please don't let me fall downstairs Hmm alone or in Paris. Honestly, I think about that every time I walk downstairs

Yeah, like just the idea of like I'm what if I just flew down these fuckers These fuckers. Why did I just flew down these fuckers? Why did I fly down these fuckers and see what I break my neck with? I mean, that's terrifying. When I was a kid, I was obsessed with throwing myself down carpeted stairs. Oh yeah. I loved it.

Well, the funnest thing was to make like get in your sleeping bag and go down the carpeted stairs. Wee! Or on a cardboard box. Why aren't you a stunt person? Cause I don't actually want to hurt. I wanted to be when I was a box. Why aren't you a stunt person? Cause I don't want it to be when I was a kid. I want to be a person. Yeah. Oh no. I got, anytime I've tried to do stunts, it's, it's really not good. I remember when I was a kid, my, my dad was painting the church and I had to hang out there as a prank. You know, he was, he was a Deacon. So he would, you

know, would do. He would do all these things. Dickon. He had a good dick and. Oh, my God. Wait, what is a deacon compared to a priest? I actually it's just like the I don't even know how to describe it. It's like you can also fall. Yeah, you could have your cake and eat the two. It's like all the behind the scenes shit of like the deacons would meet and decide,

you know, what should everyone be allowed to do? At one point, they excommunicated someone from our church. It was very exciting. They basically that we went to the normal, boring church on a Sunday. And then they said, hey, everyone, stick around afterwards because we're going to have an important meeting. It was like, what? And then then they said hey everyone stick around afterwards because we're gonna have an important meeting and was like what and then they They said everyone meaning like the congregation not just yeah, holy shit So like you're out cuz what the normal the normal like regulars? Hey all the normal regulars stick around

And so then I hope you brought some big rocks. Then everyone stuck around and they're like, okay, so here's what's going on. There is one of the members of the church wants a divorce and is not sorry about it and doesn't want forgiveness for it, thinks it's the right thing to do if you can imagine and so we have no other choice but to excommunicate this person because the person is not saying like hey I got a divorce it was a oh sorry was there a helicopter there was a helicopter just under my breath I wanted to get the helicopter song in there.

I didn't want to disturb the flow. But yeah, it was so bizarre. It was like, it's not like the person got a divorce and felt bad about it and asked for forgiveness. It's this person is planning on getting a divorce, sees there's, thinks there's nothing wrong with it. And therefore we need to punish them and show that they are not walking God's path.

I would honestly be so glad to be excommunicated at that point. You go, okay. Yeah, it's crazy. And I can bet that nowadays... Oh, you guys. Yeah, sure. You have an opinion about this? You can bet that nowadays the church is like, divorce people, married people, whatever,

come on in. Please, please. Yeah, please. No one wants to be religious anymore. Please, this is starting to make less sense to us. But at the time it was just such a like major what? It was so crazy. And then I think I waited on the person at all of Garden Way. Is this restaurant Roundup?

Or was it Marie Callender's or was it Cafe Cordiale or was it... But I think I waited on the person and their family. And I felt embarrassed because like I was part like my dad was a deacon and I was like hey How's it going? Sorry about all that. I guess your life is crumbled into sin. Yeah, too bad for all the things that are bad I'm just a teen Yes, I'm only a teen and I'm sitting here in coffee and bean Well now I try to rhyme Never gonna poop again Never gonna poop again I'm trying to do a mashup.

The ultimate mashup. The ultimate mashup? Poop and pee. All right, we have to take a break. So Mother's Day gifts. Let's talk about them. They're so, there's, it's, when you've been on this earth as long as we have, it's so predictable.

It's so boring. Here, mom, here's a new car. Here's a second house for you. You know, it's just like, come on guys, this is boring, right? Well, that is why an Aura frame is the perfect gift to mix things up this year. Quite honestly, my mother, I think it's the favorite,

her favorite gift that she's ever received and she would like it better than those other gifts that I mentioned. It gives her more pleasure. It is named the best digital photo frame by Wirecutter. Aura frames are guaranteed to bring joy to moms of all ages. Aura frames are wifi connected

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You could even do a little photo shoot with the grandkids and those will be exclusive to your Aura frame. This is an Aura frame exclusive. My mom talks about hers all the time. We send her pictures of our kid and my sister. She talks about how she gets home and she just turns it on and just sits there watching it and it like relaxes her after a hard day at work. Not only is she gonna be grateful,

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Oh guys, guess what? What? Chicken butt? Oh yeah, I was going to say chicken butt. Then I have two things. Oh, okay. What's the first one? Chicken butt? Oh yeah, I was gonna say chicken butt. Then I have two things. Oh okay, what's the first one? Chicken butt. Okay. Second one is this show is sponsored by Better Help. You're kidding me. No, I wouldn't joke about it. That's so cool. Well this is interesting because I was wanting to ask our listeners, how is your social battery doing these days? Are you feeling drained or a little burnt out?

Well Lauren, it's so weird that you would ask our listeners that because I was going to say it can be easy to ignore our social battery and spread ourselves thin. It's really important to step back and figure out the right amount of socializing for us. That's weird because what I was going to say was therapy can give you the self-awareness to build a social life that doesn't drain your battery. Well, that's really crazy because I was going to say a good therapist shows you how to set boundaries, strengthening that muscle so you're much less likely to agree to things you maybe don't have the energy for. That's so odd because what I was going to say next kind of relates to what you were saying which is if you're thinking of starting therapy give better

help a try. It is super convenient, flexible, and fits right into your schedule. Are you ready to get goosebumps, and fits right into your schedule. Are you ready to get goosebumps? Okay. Because R.L. Stein time. I was going to say you can do it all from the comfort of your own home. You just fill out a brief questionnaire to get match with a licensed therapist and switch therapists anytime for no additional charge. This is going to sound crazy, but I actually have a code that would help people for this. What? What? Tell us. So you can find your social sweet spot with Better help you just visit better help comm slash freedom today to get 10% off your first month. Okay, that's better

Help comm slash freedom. Oh, that's how you spell help Everyone it's David Duchovny. Do you ever feel like a failure? Trust me, I get it. Hell, I've spent my whole life almost feeling like a failure. It's appropriate though, because on Fail Better, my new podcast with Lemonado Media, exploring the world of failure, how it holds us back, propels us forward, and ultimately shapes our lives is the whole point. Each week I'll chat with artists, athletes, actors, and experts about how our perceived failures have actually been our biggest catalysts for growth, revelation, and even healing. Through these conversations, I hope we can learn how to embrace the opportunity of failure

and Fail better together. Fail Better is out on May 7th, wherever you get your podcasts. We're back. We're back. I'm never gonna poop again. No. I give you guys a lot of leeway. Okay, fine.

This is where you draw the line. That one? Well, it's just like, you got it out there. Are you happy? Do you have to keep repeating it? It's fine, I'm done. Paul's in his Star Trek uniform. I'll never do it again, except for when I'm home.

I'm wearing a track suit, like Star Trek. Yep. Track suit top. What's your patch? Two minutes later. Two minutes later. It's for the Sullivan's Island Fire Department in South Carolina.

Oh no, this is not the fire department. This is just this is the seal, the seal of Sullivan's Island, South Carolina. It's a seal of the city or a seal of South Carolina. Seal of the city of South Carolina. Got to go. That clears it up. Thank you. South Carolina way. I appreciate the info.

You're welcome. The song will help you remember. Yes, of course. Does California have a song? California, here I come, right back where I started from. You got it. You shot it every two waves. Every state has a state song, I think. Really? I think so.

I believe so, yeah. Yeah, let's look up California's state song. Illinois is the place that we're from. I don't even think they're like popular songs like Chicago. I think they're like all written to be the state songs. I think so. Do you hear that we do something? Did your high school have a song?

Yes. What was it? I can vaguely. Centurions, we honor thee. Something like that. Hours? I remember hours. I remember a lot of hours. E-T-H-S, we will fight for you, live and die for you, do what's right for you. Something like that. That was part of it. Was that the fight song for the sports teams?

Yeah, we didn't get up and sing it in the morning. Guys, this is the state song of California called, I Love You, California. Here we go. This is bad that it's silent. Really? Well, it's going to take 10 minutes. Not what I expected.

L. I. F. Oh! This can't be the real one. No. I like that. I like it. I love it. I want some more of it. Wait, Country Roads now is the official state song?

What? No, the West Virginia one? No, I Love You California is the official state song. That's just a version of it. C-A-L-I-F-O-R-N-I-A. California. Will you look up? Oh, that's California.

That's the state song. Will you look up Pennsylvania? Yeah, of course I will, Paul. Did you think that was Pennsylvania? C-A-L- Pennsylvania. state song. Oh, do you look at Pennsylvania? Yeah, of course I will Paul. Did you think that was Pennsylvania? C, A, L. Pennsylvania. All of them. It's like the company that makes the jingles for radio. Hale, Pennsylvania.

Let's hear a little bit of Hale, Pennsylvania. I want to put it on. Hale. Here we go. This is Hale, Pennsylvania. H,A-I-L-P-E-N-N Oh no. Oh, this is like from a skit. God, it's like a school. Pennsylvania, my AD is your name.

Get the lyrics on there. Steeped in glory and tradition Object of a claim Brave men fought the foe of freedom Tyranny decried I'm gonna learn this song till the bell of independence Filled the countryside, side, side, side. Pennsylvania, Pennsylvania, may your future be filled with honor everlasting as your history.

It can't be more than one verse. I really hope it's not. Pennsylvania! You should maybe stop now. Now we gotta hear Illinois! Yeah, you have to. You know when Sufjan was gonna do 50 States albums? Yeah.

And he did Illinois and then he stopped. No, he did Michigan too. No, I know. But I liked that he did Illinois because that's where I'm from, so that's the only one I really cared about anyway. And you were like, shoo, got that one where I'm from, so it's the only one I really cared about anyway. But I was- And you were like, shoot, got that one out of the way. I was like, good.

All right, here's the- Isn't it funny, and I'm just realizing now that we represent the East, the West, and the middle of the country. Wow. Isn't it funny? Wow. This is me.

Is this Judy Garland? Illinois, Illinois. Is this Judy Garland? comes an echo on the breeze Damn! rustling through the leafy trees Okay, you nailed that one. and its mellow tones of the years Tones? Illinois, Illinois

Okay. and its mellow to Jaliche Illinois Can you play Old Man River just because it made me think of that? Old Man River My old man river My old man river. My old man river. He just keeps rolling.

He don't say nothing. But old man river, he just keeps rolling along. Now that is the hallmark of a great song is if three people can sing three different parts of it at the same time. All these state songs I have to say that like it makes it sound like it's easy to write a song. It sounded great. It sounded perfect.

Illinois was the best. I think Illinois was the best. It started out a little bit weird and I really liked it by the end. And I thought, you know what? I could really see this in a musical and I really want to. I love that it was sung by a lady Sean Connery. There's probably, there's all sorts of different versions

of it online, but we don't need to hear it. My school song was, I went to Bishop McDevitt High School, which is about to close apparently. Oh no! Cause you're not there anymore? Yeah. They looked around. Is he coming back? They looked around and they're like, which is about to close apparently. Oh, no, because you're not there anymore. Yeah. They looked around.

They looked around like the life of the party is gone. The past 35 years. They've been like, where is this guy? I think it's not coming to school. It probably is, though. Our song went like this. The challenge of a marching world. We meet accent bold of a marching world, we meet. A bunch of our marching girls.

Accent bold, while cherishing a standard ever new as ever old. Dun, dun, dun. Something. That's all I remember. Yeah. I've lost the rest. All I remember is, oh, Cypress High, we honor thee. That's nice.

That's the most important part. I think we held up our hands like seas. Oh, wait. We bear our banner gold and white, our sign of royalty. What's the first line? The challenge of a marching world we meet with accent bold. What does that mean? Here, wait.

This is my school song. We will fight for you. We will fight for you. Anything for you. We are the best. We are amazing. We are amazing. We will bring you fame, rah, rah, rah, rah.

Orange and all blue, we will proudly wear. May our colors ever fly. Victory comes when we sing many trophies we will bring. So cheer, cheer, cheer, cheer. We will win the game our colors ever fly. Okay. Victory comes when we sing many trophies we will bring. So cheer, cheer, cheer, cheer. We will win the game for Evanston Hut. I found my song. We don't have another song like that.

I found my song from Cyprus. Let's hear it. Whoops. This is an X commercial. I'm like wow, they really updated it. All right, here we go. This is from Cyprus. The fuck? Sounds like shit.

Is this the sugar cubes? I think it's just getting going. Are you going to Rickroll us? Audio Rickroll. Wow, you guys know Cypress Hill, you idiot. I wanna get high. I want to get high. I want to get high.

All right, wait, I found mine. By the way, speaking of Rick Rolling, have you seen the video recently? Oh no, what did he do now? Whom has he rolled lately they re-released the video no no week ago two weeks ago in ultra high-definition 4k why I don't know to make rolls better but it looks ridiculous that's horrible don't you remember when TV started doing that and then it was like everything looked like it was a play?

Yeah, exactly. That's what it looks like. We didn't have so much. Like all the stuff of him dancing around and all the dancers and stuff like that, you can see the set now. That's so bad. It looks so... That's like watching Star Trek The Next Generation on high-def.

By the way, you know what I saw on Star Trek Next Generation, which was really funny? Yeah, I was doing good. I thought you were was Clearly was what you said is just like watching Star Trek no You said it's just like watching Star Trek And then he literally said the K of Star Trek you done You can always just go I'm not done? Did you say that K again? You can always just go, I'm not done, and then keep talking. That's true.

Instead of just sniping at me like a bitch. You know what? I was the rude one and I apologize. You can see like on the holodeck, when they go to the holodeck, have you seen it in those episodes? It's just tape on the wall. And you can really see it. No. Yes, it's just like they put yellow tape on the wall.

Well, I might have told you when I watched, I have the Beverly Hills Now 2-0 seasons one and two on DVD. And the boom mics would just drop in all the time, but I think the TV frame was different than my DVD frame. But they're just dipping in. It looks just so insane. That's pretty common. Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry. in it looks it's so pretty common yeah Our alma mater, may faith and courage be our guide. God, our final goal. Oh, jeez. It's terrifying. Is that bringing you back? To become gods? Yeah, to do, my high school had a plan to attack and dethrone God.

God, that's awesome. And they still have that to this day. Well, that's why they're closing. They weren't able to do it. You have to eventually admit defeat. Good for everyone who follows God, but bad for. And they still have that to this day. Well, that's why they're closing. They weren't able to do it. You have to eventually admit defeat. Good for everyone who follows God, but bad for your school, I guess. Yeah, yeah, we gave it a shot. What I saw on...

We gave it a shot. What I saw on Star Trek was Picard and Wesley are walking down... P-Card. P-Card. Hey, y'all seen that Star Trek? P-Card! Captain Picard! Y'all ever seen that Captain Picard?

They're walking through the ship and Picard turns to Wesley and gives him some sort of piece of advice and then he moves past camera and Wesley stays there. And then you immediately see like Picard moving back to get back into position. It was... What do you mean?

Like he walks back into frame? Oh, like it's blocking? He walks back into frame. Yeah, it's so funny. Ah, that's so funny. I don't know how it kept, how it stayed in. That's so funny. It's not like one of those things where like,

like say Tasha Yar like waving in her final episode that's way in the background that like people have to point out. It literally, the first time I watched it, it was like, wait, he just moved back into frame. What happened? And I rewound it three times. I think it was, I just saw something,

I think it was from Seinfeld where there was like a stand-in for one part, or maybe it was, no, it's times. I think it was, I just saw something, I think it was from Seinfeld, where there was like a stand-in for one part, or maybe, no, it was friends, I think, friends. There's a stand-in who like, they basically cut away for a second, and then there's a stand-in in the scene, and then it's back to being the guy.

Oh. I wonder if it's Matt LeBlanc's stand-in who looks a lot like Matt LeBlanc. No, he was playing the dad of someone. Oh, okay. Yeah. Look at this little leaf boat. Look at the leaf boat. Wow, that really is like the, that's the start of a Pixar movie. Gotta get a picture of someone. Oh, okay. Yeah. Look at this little leaf boat. Look at the leaf boat.

Wow, that really is like the, that's the start of a Pixar movie. Gotta get a picture of it. Maybe I'll post it. If I feel like it. Maybe you will. But you know, the big famous one, the Star Wars like stormtrooper hitting his head when he walks in.

I never saw that when I was a kid. I don't know that. It's great. It took, it took like, you know, it being a thing. It took me out of it. Honestly, I was like, is this even real? That's why I've dismissed know that. It's great. It took like, you know, it being a thing. It took me out of it. Honestly, I was like, is this even real? That's why I've dismissed those films. Donk.

Donk. Donk-ay. Donk-ay. Donk-ay show. Also Shrek, that's another one. Donk-ay show. Donk-ay show. Donk-ay show. Donk-ay show.

Donk-ay show. Donk-ay show. Princess Fiona, let's go to a Donk-ay show. Donk-ay, Donk-ay show. Princess Fiona, let's go to a donkey show. Thank you for going out your hole. Out your vagina walls. Maybe not true. But it might be true to some.

What's the not true part? Because I feel like I know people who have seen the ping pong ball part. Oh, that the shows are popular. Not the ping pong balls. The donkey show is when a woman defox a donkey and they said that might be a myth. The ping pong ball part. Oh, that the shows are popular. Not the ping pong balls. The donkey show is when a woman defox a donkey and they said that might be a myth. The ping pong balls part is true

because I once saw a video at UCB of that happening. Was that in a... That was the F'd Up in a Legal Video Show. It was during COVID. I made a trip. I broke in, no one was there. Except that was playing. There was a mysterious video showing.

I was drawn to it. I woke up at home, I heard the sound of... And I followed it until I found the video. I'm realizing there's a palm tree thing right above that's like hanging precipitously. Above me? No, above, right up here. Oh, it's gonna fall? On one of the windy days though, I will say like,

ba-boom, I heard one and it just came down. Wow, what a good story. Ba-boom! Did they ever climb up and trim, trim, trim? That's a very dangerous job. Trim, trim, tree? It seems very dangerous. Chim-chim the tree.

Trim, triminy? It's, I heard that's one of the most dangerous jobs in LA because- Well, it's a bendy tree, it's not stable. Well, it's not even the falling is the dangerous part. It's the cutting the palm tree down and it hitting you in the head and killing. Can I tell you that I recently I've been I was telling Scott earlier off by sorry.

I bring her off my conversation into this. I've been well, I think it's time we did. OK, finally, I've been what? I've been digitizing old VHS tapes. Oh yeah, that's fun. Found my high school shows. Oh God. Started with Mary Poppins,

where I played the role of Bert the Chimney Sweep. You were Bert, oh wonderful. I was the old banker. Oh, of course. Would you invest your toppings Oh, wouldn't you, in a bank account? In the bank account.

And I thought, in my mind, I did a very good accent. Ah. And when I saw it, I cannot believe, I cannot, I thought, I had an expectation in my mind of like, well, like, I don't expect I'm gonna be great in these shows. You're a kid. I'm a kid or whatever. Yeah. I'm so much worse than I remember.

Wow, that's awesome. But I remember But still not good I remember certain high school shows as being like just as good as Broadway things Absolutely, yeah, but it's just the magic of like filling in all the details. Yeah. Yeah It's also leave it's it's you having these experiences for the, you have nothing to compare it to really. I would love to see any play right now. Oh, I'd love to put on one for you. I miss the theater. One man show.

Oh, wow. It all started at a cold July day. A one man production of hair. A cold July day. Up was down and black was white. That's when I was born, pop. I woke up in Tarpsey Terry World. But yeah, the My Fair Lady, I'd never seen white. That's when I was born. I woke up in Terpsie Terriworld. But yeah, the My Fair Lady, I'd never seen it.

That probably also helped. It was the first time ever seeing this story. So it was like, I was taken in by the story. And then the lead guy, I remember him being so amazing. And he was like a legend. He graduated right as I came into high school. And he was such a legend of like he got every good part He was so amazing and I bet if I were to actually watch that show again, like as an adult I'd be like

Little hammy. I know I'd love to watch some old thing like that. It's it's wild. I really I Were you getting applause and stuff like that? No, I was doing well. Yes. Is this all your shot to be on Disney's encore? Oh my god, I keep forgetting I want to watch that. I watched a few episodes of it. I feel like I got the idea. I want to get the idea. I like episode 10 actually. I can tell you the three to watch. Oh great. I, when I first heard about that idea I was like I would, I would do that in a heartbeat. We should explain it. It's basically, it's basically people who were all in high school together

in a play, in a musical, usually. They get back together decades later to redo the play. Now, when when we first heard the idea, Jamie thought they did it like on fucking Broadway, like they mounted like no, they do like a full professional, like for one night, obviously, but like it was that they were gonna do a full professional version of it.

And what do they do? They do it in the actual high school. Yeah. Well, that's what I expected. Yeah. But I felt like, but they try, they do the best. Oh yeah, for real. They bring in like Broadway performers as ringers

to be like the chorus sometimes. Oh. And they do a full set, and they do a major production out of it. Oh, I can't wait to watch this today. They track down all the speaking, whoever had a speaking role, essentially. There are really interesting things of, oh, this guy was

one of the leads of Oklahoma and was a great dancer, but now he's in a wheelchair, and so how is he going to adapt? You know, it like delves into the beef spine performers or like the people who used to be in a romance who broke up and why did they break up and all that kind of stuff. It's really good.

And I was like, oh yeah, would I do it? You know, I went to like- Oh, that's your dream. I went to the school of the arts. What would you say? You would love to do that. Well, the Mary Poppins, the girl who played Mary Poppins, she like went to Broadway and got a Tony nomination from it.

And it's like, it's wild how many of them did not pursue. I guess it's not that wild, but hardly any of them actually pursued showbiz after that. Yeah. Yeah. Well, they're all also in different states, which I think is another impediment of like, there are certain people who were like, I decided to do it, I moved to New York, I tried and and you know, I, it just didn't work out after five or eight years. There are some people who are still trying to do it, which are really interesting. And they're the people, they're the people who come in and they're sort of like, like, oh, I'm going to be really good in this. And sometimes they're not. It's really interesting.

So would you do it? I would probably do it. I mean, if it were the right show, I mean, like, if it were, like I said, the Mary Poppins was fun. I would do that. And that had like a guy who was on a Nickelodeon show was Burt. And, but even the ones from-

He was from the high school? Yeah, he was in, yeah, yeah. So that one is like, those guys were really good. Like, it was the ones from the high school yeah he was in yeah yeah so that one is like those guys were really good like the like it was the school of the arts so like Susan Egan is who I'm talking about she she like voiced Disney cartoons and she was like she was Mary Poppins and she was like professional grade yeah like great you know and this was high school, professional grade. Yeah. Like, great, you know? But this was high school age. This was high school. Yeah, so we were all 17, and Bert was this guy,

David Sidoni, who was also, like, the best, and, you know, like, went into a Nickelodeon show out of that. Right. And so, like, yeah, I don't think it would be that different, you know? Like, they would all be just as good as they were back then. I mean, having seen it, I would do Mario Hoppins again. Of all the shows that we did, that was the most fun, I think. And also the one I could bear to do again,

because we did Carousel, which is a weird show. We did the same shows. Yeah. Did you do South Pacific? No, no, but we did Godspell. Were we talking about Godspell? I've never done Godspell, but it was a big deal when I was a kid. I did, yeah, I was Luther Billis. I was Jigger, Jigger Cragan in...

Oklahoma. Oh, no, in Carousel. Who is like, he's a criminal. He's basically the same dude in Oklahoma. As Judd? As Judd, yeah. like he's a criminal. He's a villain. He's basically the same dude in Oklahoma who... As Judd? As Judd, yeah. And I was shocked. I walked into the... as I'm digitizing these, I can't like sit and watch them as it's happening. So I will like check on... So you're doing it yourself? Yeah, I just got like a fucking... I bought a while ago. I bought a VCR for this purpose.

That's great. And then it's just been sitting in the garage. And so I finally doing it. And I sent all mine to that company and we talked about this though. Yeah. And I was like, I can just do it. I know, I was nervous about sending them away. Cause I was like, what if I never get them back? But you did. I did, it all worked out.

Now I have to figure out a way to dispose of these VHS tapes. Cause you can't just throw them away. You can't just throw them away. No, they're not. They're not. They're not trash and they're not recyclable. Well, how do you do it? Do you have to drive to the dump?

Just to shut them and keep them. No, there's places that take them. So I have to like old blockbusters. Please. We just want to say they won't send us any more tapes. They're not on the shelves. Do you think if someone dropped off, if you were a person who disposed of them and someone dropped off someone, would you watch them?

I would. Yeah, probably. I'd flip around. If I was bored enough. I'd flip around and see what's on there. Yeah. Yeah. I, in, so in Carousel-

I digitized all my porn so I wanted to donate to this show. I finally digitized all my porn. I walked into the room and it was a scene where I had like this huge laugh line where the camera was not on me because I was on the other side of the stage. Oh damn. So they're on this other guy, the guy playing Billy Bigelow for his setup to my line. And then I do the line, huge laugh and and the camera fucking slowly crawling back over to me. So who made the video, the school? Usually, yeah, somebody that offered or said,

I'll do it for this fee or whatever. The recordings are terrible. It's one camera. Yeah, it's always from the back of the room, and it's always just like, Random zooming in and out. No one knows the play, and they're trying to figure out what's happening.

It's terrible. And this one, what's amazing is we paid money for this. It cuts off before the end. No, because it was longer than two hours. Yes, it's crazy. They were doing in high quality. Yeah, oh yeah, the highest. But I was, so I walk in the room, my laugh line is missed.

And then next I have a scene with this young lady named Grace, Grace McGuire, and we have this exchange where we don't like each other, we're trading insults. I one point call her a wobbly, hip old slut. Wow. That's a line though, isn't it? That's a line. But it was shocking to me. I hope you didn't go off script. And there's people in the audience, it's a mixed reaction from the crowd. Right. Because there was probably sluts in the audience.

Yeah, they're excited. Hey, he's talking about us! You wobbly hip to all the sides. You wobbly sluts in the crowd. There are gasps, there are laughs, and then you get her whippers and applaud! Whoa! Like think something's just, oh, oh, oh. Well, and then you can hear one person applaud. Whoa! Like think something's just, oh, let me stop.

Well, she was also in someone's business a lot in the play, right? She was, look, she was a wobbly, hip old slut. A wobbly, hip old slut. My friends, when we were in- Title of that. Did you say I like it? Yeah, I like it.

Well, I've never heard it before. When we were in Jesus Christ Superstar, it was one of the better productions I've ever done. This was when I was- Oh, I thought you were gonna say Of All Time. Of All Time. This was when I was 19. It was honestly incredible.

But it was, it got raves. Like anyone who came to it was like in tears the entire time and it was- Oh yeah, I have not experienced that. It was one of the better shows I'd ever done. And my friend who was in it ended up filming every night of it with closeups and stuff, and then was gonna edit it together.

Wow. And he did the most amazing, you know in the overture of Jesus Christ Superstars, he did the most amazing montage of people getting ready for the show, like backstage stuff. So that's great. It was amazing.

And then he got up to like song two and gave up on the project. Oh no! So the rest of the video is all just a one camera shoot. That is so amazing. He did finish it, but he stopped finishing it good. He only finished like two or three songs of it. And then it was like, this is just too much fucking work.

It's so funny. But that would be so amazing for everyone now. Yeah, it was cool. Having the behind the scenes stuff is really the best. I mean, I don't have anything like that. It's crazy like now with your having your phone, I feel like anyone who does a school play must have so much footage of everything. But we just had like, I have photos of behind the scenes kind of stuff a little bit.

We did a concert in this band that I was in for one night only. We were rehearsed over and over and over and we only did one performance. And were you nervous? No. And I, in fact, overslept and barely made it to it because it was a midnight performance because it was on the no, it was on this stage after a performance of the normal heart. So it was at midnight or something, and I, like, went to sleep accidentally, and then they had to call me and wake me up and get me there.

But the guy who shot that did all the backstage stuff and, like, edited it together, and it was like, that's one of the few videotapes I have. That's cool, where it's like, oh, wow, this is, like, almost a professional-grade thing of a dumb show that I did, you know? If you need it digitized, I'm your man. Hey! If you need one thing digitized, I'll do it.

I might take you up on that. That's a good offer actually, if I find an old tape. Oh wait, hold on a second. One thing before we go to break, Paul has a thing. I am remembering... I'm gonna go to break. I'll get it. OK, we'll be right back. ["Wiser Than Me"]

Hi there. It's Julia Louis-Dreyfus. You may know me from my podcast called Wiser Than Me, where I talk to older women and get their wisdom from the front lines of life. After season one aired, I was amazed by how many people told me our show made them look forward to getting older, which is why I'm here to talk about season

two of the show. Sally Field, Billie Jean Kane, Beverly Johnson, Ina Garten, Bonnie Ray, just to name a few, and of course, my 90-year-old mom, Judy. All hail old women. Wiser Than Me season two is out now from Lemonado Media. Two young fathers are shot to death outside an iconic Utah restaurant. I said, your dad has been hurt really bad. The grief was disorienting for those left behind until one choice changed everything.

I just remember writing this letter and it wasn't me writing it. Can a personal decision shape generations? We're all falling for this guy's trick. I'm Amy Donaldson. Season two of The Letter, Ripple Effect, is available now. Follow us at TheLetterPodcast.com or wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back to Freedom. I remembered what I was going to talk about. Okay, say it.

At the end of Mary Poppins, which I guess was, that was our, we did, we would do a fall show and we would do a, or I should say a winter show, a spring show. And the winter show was always children's theater. And so when we did Mary Poppins, at the very end of the tape, I completely forgot about this and I have no recollection of it whatsoever. We sang a couple Christmas songs in, like we all leave the stage, we go somewhere, wherever we go the camera does not follow us. So in pitch black we're singing, you know, I'll Come All You Faithful or something. And then at the end of, this is how the tape ends.

At the end of I'll Come All You Faithful, the camera which has still been locked off on the stage, Santa Claus appears and says Merry Christmas everybody. He walks down into the audience, goes over to these people. Sluts were in a different show. Wait, they only went to shows they were mentioned in? The only winter show they were mentioned in? Yes! Was it Wobbly Hipped Old Sluts? Wobbly Hipped Old Sluts.

They're not having sex. They're not going to stupid high school plays. That's true. But if they hear they're talked about. Yes, they hear they're like, I hear they mentioned sluts and carousel. So Santa comes out and says, Merry Christmas! Everybody applauds. He walks off stage into the audience.

He goes to the second row. He leans over and starts talking to some people in the second row. The rest of the cast comes in in the background in front of the stage, and we start singing some other Christmas carol. While Santa has a conversation with his back to the camera with these people we finish the song and then the show is over. Who's he having a conversation with? I have no idea! You have no recollection of what this was. No! It's so weird. No! It's so strange! I wonder if he was like gonna do something right after the show like he like walks out and gives a present to a little boy and then comes on stage goes and like does a little speech but they didn't put it in yeah I don't know it looks like he's giving them news by the way your grandma

all right it's the Reacher time. This is something called Rated Scenes. Oh yeah. This is submitted by Kristen Kelly. Hello Kristen. Hi Kristen. Thanks for submitting this. Thank you. All right.

First we improvise a two minute scene. Oh no. It has to be G-rated. Oh come on. Hold on. I think I see where this is going Lauren. And I think you're gonna be surprised. Then we do the same scene over again.

We make a PG. Okay. Then we do it again. We all have an understanding what that is. We make a PG-13, one F word, in a non-sexual sense. And then we finally do it as R rated. Okay. We don't do NC-17?

We don't do X. We could do X. We could do X. We could do X. All right, hold on a second. So G, of course, is very sweet and nice. I get that. Yeah. PG, you can say damn and hell and have things happen that are a little more adult. Okay.

All right. But PG 13, for instance, a person who is 13. With their parents present 13 you can say a bunch of curse words but you can only say the effort f-word once in a non-sexual in a non-sexual context and then are you can say the f-word you can be whatever you want but there's no sex so actual sex you 13 you could say fuck you on a stick my dick in your pussy Yeah, I don't think you think pussy, but I said fucking a non-sexual yes that does count and then Then are you can't show a male erect penis, but you can show I wasn't going

We show what Floppy dick see ya all right here. We go two minutes Do we need a suggestion? No okay, here we go. Are you timing? I'm timing. Okay. Dad, dad. Yes. What is it? Sweetheart? Yes. We're your two dads. The dog got out. Oh no. Is that why the cops are here? Did you call the police? I called the police because you always told me if anything bad ever happened, I should call 9-1-1. It's not really a 911 issue.

It's more of a let's go out ourselves and look and then call, who do we call? But we're glad you're ghostbusters. Oh, that's right. But we're glad you were listening to us, honey. Thanks, good dad. Wait, I'm bad dad? That makes you the bad dad, I won.

Why? Because you were scolding me while good dad said I'm still a good person. I didn't go that far. I said thanks for listening to us. I never said you were a good person. I think you're a good person, but I do not thank you for listening to us. I thank you for listening to us? I think you could be a better person. Wow. Well anyways, do we...

Now go to bed. The dog! Oh, that's right, the dog! I think you could be a better person. Wow. Well, anyways. Now go to bed. Do we care? The dog! Oh, we forgot! Oh, that's right, the dog! Listen, can I tell you a secret and you can't tell bad dad? Okay.

I'll just go over here. The dog's not coming back, honey. What do you mean? He doesn't like it here. This is rated G? Yeah. What are you guys talking about? Huh?

Nothing. Good Dad said the dog doesn't like it here and he's not coming back. The dog's coming back. What? Sweetheart. I'm sorry I had to tell. It felt right. Why would you lie to me about the dog?

The dog doesn't like you. Are you sure the dog didn't just die and is in heaven and you're- Shut up! Oh shit. Is this feeling PG? Oops, I said shit! Oh no. We got canceled.

Okay my pitch. Nancy, wow. We could not even get through two minutes. Two minutes is too long. My pitch is. Agreed. My pitch is that it gets shorter at each time you do a new thing because it's like,

you're just getting to the point. All right, minute 30 for the PG. Let's just go right to PG-13. Yeah, we already said shit. Cause I said shit, unfortunately. So that was the Bad News Bears era PG. Yeah, that's true. So you get one F word?

You only get one F word. Oh yes. Yeah, and it has to be non-sexual. All right, ready and go. Fuck! What happened? The dog got out. Oh no.

God, I wanna say something so bad bad but I can't I wish I could express my feelings about that dad dad stop making out we need to find the dog honey I love him very much and I want to shove my tongue down his throat I want to receive his tongue Wait, this is turning NC-17 suddenly. My penis is not erect though, don't worry. Well mine is! Slam dunk! Wait, we can't see it! You can talk about it though. It's blue and veiny.

Put your penis away! Okay, alright. Okay. I think we've messed this whole thing up. You know what, Kelly? Is this what you wanted? I think it's Kristen. Kristen Kelly? Uh, okay, let's do... Do you want to go the other way?

Uh, sure. Okay, minute 30, we start R. Okay. And then we'll go PG-13 then G. I like turning it on its head. Alright, minute 30, here we go. Hey fuckers, what's up? Hey, can you stop sucking my dick long enough for us to talk to our child?

No I can't. Wait, this is a new scene! We have a child in this too! Oh, I'm sorry! Why do I have to suck you dick in every scene we do Let's try it again, okay, okay, okay, do see you see okay here we go and go Hey guys The fuck do you want? What is it? I'm sorry to disturb you The fuck do you want? What is it? I'm sorry to disturb you

I know I'm supposed to be on guard duty, but I think I saw something suspicious Goddamn piece of shit. You're talking liar These two fucking assholes come up to me on the street and they're like, hey Do you got a cigarette and I'm like get the fuck? Yeah, they probably thought your limp dick was a cigarette Skinny and little and I'm pure white with a brown tip All right PG 13 version ready go hey guys Hey, what's wrong? I? PG-13 version. Ready, go. Fuck. Hey guys. Hey, what's wrong?

I heard that guy ask you for a cigarette. Yeah, well I wanted to say there's something suspicious out there. These guys came up to me and they were like, do you have a light or do you have a cigarette? And I was like, get the hell out of here. They probably thought you're, oh what? Yeah, his presumably limp dick. Yeah. Don't talk about my ding dong.

But describe it please. Well, it shriveled. And Z. Alright, G version. Oh no. And go. That was BG. Hey no. And go. That was me G. Hey guys.

What's up? I was, you know how I was playing outside? Yeah. These kids came up and asked if I had candy. Why don't you put your little cigarette in the way? And scene. All right. I think we did it. I mean, no one wants us to play the games correctly, right?

No one wants that. Guys, thanks for listening. That was fun. See you later. That was fun. The Lord's done. Join us on Archetypes, a dynamic podcast hosted by the Lord of the Rings. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about.

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That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. That's what I'm talking about. Marina Williams, Mariah Carey, Paris Hilton, Issa Rae, and Trevor Noah as they delve into the roots of countless common descriptors of women like diva, crazy, dumb blonde, and the B word and redefine and reclaim each identity along the way. The complete season of Archetypes is out now wherever you get your podcasts. Hey friends, it's Meghan Trainor. And her big bro Ryan Trainor. And her big bro, Ryan Trainor. And her husband, Darryl Sabara.

Each week on our podcast, Working On It, we share behind the scenes stories and bring you into our hilarious and heartfelt conversations, and sometimes with amazing guests. We tackle everything from navigating Hollywood to mental health, to Meghan becoming a mother, Darryl becoming a father, and so much more. We'll get into the nitty gritty of our lives and leave no detail behind.

Prepare to laugh, cry, and hopefully learn something new. Listen to new episodes out every Wednesday wherever you get your podcasts.