Threedom - Today's Gross: You!

Episode Date: August 1, 2024

Lauren, Scott, and Paul discuss cheerleading, apartments, and snooping before playing Bad Rap. Get Threedom merch at comedybangbangworld.com/merch. Follow us on Instagram @ThreedomUSA. Send Threetures and emails to [e-mail]. Leave us a voicemail asking us a question at hagclaims8.com.See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Weight Watchers, founded over 60 years ago, has continually evolved alongside our understanding of weight, health, and nutrition. Recognizing that every body is unique, they have rejected the idea that there might be a one-size-fits-all solution. With decades of experience and ongoing research in science and behavior, Weight Watchers remains a trusted authority helping millions of members worldwide. Weight Watchers fits your needs whether it's through their clinically proven points program or for those that medically qualify access to doctor prescribed weight loss medications and registered dietitians in Weight Watchers Clinic. See how Weight Watchers fits you at WeightWatchers.com.

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Freedom! Up! Up! Freedom! Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, welcome to 3Dim, everyone. Can you think of a song that would make that noise?

Can you think of a song that would make that noise? A yodel? It's not a yodel, dear. Something by the Tom Tom Club? Yeah. What was like his song that is like it then if it's not the yodeling, which is what he was doing? What is like his song if it is not the like it then?

Something like doing your voice like that, dude. The yodeling aspect of it, maybe? Yeah, yes, yeah. The part that's like a Ricola. Remember in the eighties when all those songs were sampling yodels? Yes. And remember when the yodels, the snack food,

had their own group, like the California raisins? What? Remember when bugles- You remember this? No, what? Remember when bugles became witch fingers for real? Yes. A witch grew out of them. This is crazy.

Why don't I remember all this? Cause you were asleep, bitch. Remember when the Bernistan bears were real and they walked around? What is that, there's like a Mandela effect or something that it's spelled differently than it is. Because it's Berenstain bears. Yes, and people are like, no,

I remember it was the Berenstein bears. Yeah, me too. I always said Berenstein bears. But it's Berenstain. I probably said that, but it's Berenstain bears. It always has been. I love those little bears. I loved those bears so much. You know what, I have a whole box of those books

I gotta pull out for Holly. That's what I got. Oh, you got to do it. How big is this box? 50 bear and stain bears. 50? I don't know, but I'm sure it's a lot. They're very thin. But I have so many. They're thin, they're crispy. You can never be too thin as a book. No. One page. That's the dream.

The sexier. Size zero, zero. The sexiest book. I wish it were a pamphlet. The sexiest book is a book that has the dream. The sexier. Size zero, zero. The sexiest book. I wish there were a pamphlet. The sexiest book is a book that has one page that says sex. Yeah, oh my God. It's so thin.

We gotta put that out in our store. That's hard to argue with. That's hard to argue with. The cover says, world's sexiest book. It's by freedom. Yeah. It says sex. In red letters.

Hardback? Gotta be hardback. Gotta be hardback, yeah. And then we put that in. I'm bringing hardback back, woo. Yeah. Hardback? Gotta be hardback. Gotta be hardback, yeah. And then we go back and- I'm bringing hardback back, woo. Woo. Woo. Is that what you were thinking of?

You sounded like that- It just made me think that that's what it was. Instagram noise. And I said woo. I said wee. What's that? What's the, oh, the- It's like audio you're talking about.

It's like audio you're talking about. You didn't get me started. Hi guys. Hi. Are you saying hi to us? You're looking at your phone. I'm looking at my phone. Hi guys.

Time with a group. I had a thought I was, I was parking here today. By the way. Yeah. Very limited parking these days. Well, we have, we have swimming lessons going on. So we have. Are there a lot of children?

And you have, you invited the SEAL team six to do this? Yeah. They're out there with their rifles. How many kids are there? There's another kid and then the instructor. That's our spot. And they all take separate cars. That's our spot right there.

That's two cars. Then we have our nanny is the third car. So there you go. I mean, there's cars. I'd go all the way around the corner. I mean, there's cars. Oh, that fudge is made? There's cars all the way up there.

I bought some fudge while I was there. Oh, good. Did you bring any back for us? Well, but milk lemonade, I assume cars like all that fudge is made. There's cars all the way up there. They can get all about some fudge while I was there. Oh, good. Did you bring any back for us? Well, but milk lemonade, I assume you already had that. I don't like mixing those because I think it's disgusting. They shouldn't be made in the same place. Look, the lemonade be good with cream in it like lemonade. It's disgusting. And sugar. No, I'll have lemonade cream and sugar.

Can I have lemonade black? That's so gross. That's disgusting. So as I was parking and making my way down here, I was thinking, isn't it weird that we're still doing this show? Oh, there's something so crazy about that, isn't there? What, should we stop? But it's still fun. I didn't feel that way.

You just thought it was strange. I guess I was just kind of super nice. Well, because you know what they say? That like 99% of podcasts that are started don't go past like five episodes. Yeah. People go like, hey gang, I've started a podcast and you can get it here, here, here. So I did a thing. Then they look at their numbers and they go, oh, this wasn't worth my time.

Fuck this. I thought I never looked at our numbers. So that's why we're so good. We never will. We never will. What if it turns out we have 10 fans? You know, I love them. We love them.

I'd love that so deeply. If we only had 10 listeners? But they listen a ton and they buy a lot of shirts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Hard to argue with that. Oh, I gotta get my shirts.

I forgot to email about that. Oh, you have to. What shirts? From Kinship Goods. Oh, from Kinship Goods. We have our own beautiful merch. It's so true. That is merch I can get away with wearing

because it's not our faces. It's subtle. It's subtle. It's subtle. Yeah, like wearing your own face on a shirt is obnoxious. Just, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, right now you're wearing a shirt by Manon. I'm wearing a big tongue on a shirt.

That's somebody's face. You have a tongue. Yeah, could be anyone's. You like this shirt because of the tongue? Yeah, cause it's like, I don't have it, I don't have it, I don't have it. It's the Rolling Stones. It's the Rolling Stones t-shirt from Tarjay.

Is it based on Mick Jagger's mouth? I don't think so because it seems... It looks like a woman's. Although his mouth looks like a woman's too. Clump and luscious. With those DSL's. And his mouth looks like a woman's. Yes it does!

That was recently about Mick Jagger. Wow. They were all gay. All those people from the 70s, they all fucked each other and they all had gallons of semen pump from their stomach. Wow. And hamsters up their butts. Yes.

What a time. Wow. Everyone walking around with gallons of semen in their stomach and hamsters in their asses. Everyone must have been very distended. And then Richard Gere gets singled out. Yeah, it's like we were all doing it. He's the new host of Singled Out? Yeah. I wouldled Out? Yeah.

I would watch that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would watch it for one episode just to see the train wreck. That probably is gonna happen at some point because we've already got- What if he's great at it? We have Dealer No Deal Island,

they're gonna do Singled Out like- Singled Out train station. Senior Citizens Edition. Lauren, Lauren, over here. That you just step forward on the steps. Lauren, Lauren, over here. Hold on, I'm doing my press conference, I'm in the middle of a point.

We were talking about the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders doc. We were. This is a Netflix show. Okay. Yeah. I haven't finished it. I've only seen a couple of episodes. We watched it all yesterday.

We spent a Sunday watching the entire thing. Seven. Okay. I've seen like one and a half to two episodes. Oh, okay. At one point, one of the gals is uh, is talking to a friend of hers. She's one of the DCCs is talking to a friend of hers and she's, uh, applying for a reality show to be on a reality show.

And she has to disclose like her medical history. It's like, yeah, my body's fucked up, but the show dealer, no deal Island. Oh, cause you're my body's fucked up. But the show, Deal or No Deal Island. You have to give your, oh, cause that's a physical show. And Cool Off was like, is she on? I said, no. Yeah, her body is too destroyed. That's a bummer. Yeah, and she's 22 years old. I'm crippled for life.

That is crazy. They all are talking about how like, yeah, every time we have to do that jump split, it just fucks our bodies up and then we're, you know, but it's all worth it. They all love it. I haven't gotten to that part yet. And I find that interesting because as I'm watching it,

I'm thinking, wow, they're so physically fit and agile. Yeah. Yeah. It's the, did you see the jump split? Probably. I think that's pretty much all they do, isn't it? Can you do one for us right now, Paul? Yeah, sure. Here we go.

Isn't it crazy? Ow! When you see something like that that looks so effortless, but then if you were to try it, you would look like the dumbest person alive. If we were to try it for real, like really try to do it. You would look insane. It doesn't look effortless to me. Well, it looks like, oh wow.

It looks like, oh wow, a human could do that if you practice for a half hour. I'm saying they make it look possible. If I did it for wow, a human could do that if you practice for a half hour. Yeah, yeah. I'm joking, they make it look possible. If I did it for 10 seconds, I could probably get it. I'm not gonna try. Welcome to 3Dim, I'm Paul. Hi, I'm Scott. My name is Lauren.

And if you're a cheerleader, we wanna hear from you. Yep. We want you to call in right now. We wanna ask about your fucked up bod. I'm watching that, I'm watching Owning Manhattan also on that. Owning Manhattan. Which is a reality show with one of the real estate guys from Million Dollar Listing New York.

Oh, which guy? Ryan Serhant. Oh, Ryan, yeah. He has his own show, his own company. Good for him. And- It's always crazy to me when like, remember that season where he was building his own house?

Yeah. And it was like eight stories. where he was building his own house? Yeah. And it was like eight stories. Yeah, here we go. Yeah. And- Yeah, the New York house. Yeah. And it's like, these guys make so much money.

He's rich as- Their commission should be less. Fuck. Well- Fewer. Their commission is based on- Lower. These are huge properties they're selling. I know, but they, but someone who just sells people

who's like the middle man between these huge negotiations should not be buying or making a house that's even bigger than any one they've ever sold. I disagree. You know what I was thinking of? I think I disagree. I was thinking of the one year that we lived in New York. Yeah.

And the Sydney that never sleeps. The Sydney that never sleeps. The Sydney. Love Sydney that never sleeps. The Sydney that never sleeps. That we needed a real estate broker to get an apartment. Yeah. Yeah, I remember that when I got my first apartment

and it was so crazy because I'm like, I have $2. Yeah. Why do I have to? Now I also have to pay you? Yeah, but then there's a thing called Craigslist where I could just do it like that. What's that? It's where you get your hookups. Craig who?

Paul's pretending not to know what Craigslist is. It's where you get your faceless hookups. I'm pretending. Because that's where I get my faceless hookups. I lucked out in my first apartment. If you have a face, don't bother applying. I lucked out in my first apartment because If you have a face, don't bother applying. I lucked out in my first apartment because I had a kind woman who was like,

well, I'm supposed to fill out this credit check thing, but you seem cool. Wow. The woman was kind. She was kind and I paid my rent on time and everything was okay, so. The woman was kind, paid my rent on time. That's the story of apartment.

Wow. Great song, right? It's a hit. Yep. Print it, press it, get it on vinyl. Paul, what was your first apartment in Philly? My first apartment was, oh, I moved in with my girlfriend. Naughty.

When I was very young. You should have been married. It should have been, should have been. You should have been. Did you see the water just squirt out of my straw? I did. It like whooped between my teeth. It should have been, should have been. You should have been. You should have been. Did you see the water just squirt out of my straw? I did.

It like whooped between my teeth. It whooped between my teeth. It was crazy. You would think that we're recording at 6 a.m. with the trouble that we're having speaking, but no. It is the first time I've maybe talked today. Wow. I've talked a lot.

You know what, me too. I gave a cursory nod to Koolhaas. Oh no, I did have to talk to my wife when she woke me up to ask me if I'd set an alarm and I had to say yes I have. Wow. I almost, no she's, I have to say, Janie is very good with making sure I don't like miss something because I can get very, it really sucks guys. I get like fucking, I get in my head that the thing starts at 11.30, but it actually starts at 11. And because I look glanced on my calendar and it like the default is to make it a half hour. So it says 11 to 11.30, I'm like, great, 11.30.

And then she'll like knock on my office door or she'll come into the bedroom and say, I don't know. And she'll say, hey, are you gonna be late for that thing? And then sometimes I'll say, oh shit, I am gonna be late for that thing. Sometimes I'll say, no, the time got changed or whatever. And that's a lie as well.

Oh, I'm always lying to her. All the time. But she's very helpful in that way. You guys share this calendar, right? Do you think you have ADD? I think about that sometimes. I talked to my psychiatrist, my pill person, and she-

Doctor feel good. She, doctor, everything's gonna be all right. And she said, she started asking me questions that made me think I don't have it. Because she was like, do you have any kind of history of this in school or blah, blah, blah? And I'm like, not that I remember.

It's like, would your older siblings- How about this? Be able to say anything like this? And I'm like, I don't think so. I was thinking about this. Do you think the last 15 years of having an iPhone has made you- Well, that I think has to do something to us.

Yes, for sure. Cause I feel like now- Don't you want a dumb phone? I think about it a lot. I want one. Now I feel like everyone sort of has it where their attention is just like split all the time. Not Janie though.

She's, you know what I mean? Like it can be done that you can- She's not like that? No. time, you know? Not Janie though. She's, you know what I mean? Like it can be done that you can. She's not like that. No, what do you mean? I'm being serious. Like I'm like, like I'm sort of like, I feel like everyone is. No, she is.

No, she's not. She is good at keeping appointments, being on time, like all that shit. She's not, she's not scattered like I am. I feel like I'm, I'm, I'm at everything I need to be at, but I really have this thing of, I think I have a lot of time, then I suddenly have no time.

Exactly. And that is very- Because an hour seems like, oh yeah, I can shower, I can do this, I can get so much done, and I can finish this thing, and then suddenly like 25 minutes later, you're like, oh no, I've just been doing a crossword.

Well, even like I was driving to my Pilates class this morning, not to brag. Oh my God. You have a really great body. Thank you so much for noticing. It does make me sick, but thank you. But I was like doing great on time. And I was like, oh, I have like eight minutes.

And it's usually kind of hard to find parking. So I was like, great, I have like eight minutes. And then I went around the block. I said, oh, I missed a spot, I'll go back that way. I'm kind of like, and then suddenly I'm late. I was like, what? I was feeling so comfortable. I just like kind of like check the time

and then I go, I'm good. And then I completely forget that I have like a reason to rush. Maybe you need to double all of- You look down, you have an ice cream cone in your hand. Yeah, and it's melting. You need to double all your time. Like when you say like, oh, it takes 10 minutes to get there, takes 20.

Right. When you say, oh, I can hop in the shower and do this. I wanna eat a take two and a five. I wanna eat a take five. You eat a take 10. I wanna eat a take five, I wanna eat a take 10. I wanna eat a take two and a half bar. You need to take five.

Yeah. Yeah. That's what a tragedy. I want a 69, no I want a 138. Wow, that was fast math. And that's what we pay him a big bucks for. Scott makes more money than we do for this podcast because he's so fast at math.

We just go, you deserve more. No, I just, I say, this is how much we're getting paid. Yeah, that's probably where you're stealing from us. We're gonna find out like years from now that you've been embezzling from 3Dim. Yes, all the money we make on 3Dim. Skimming off the top. Well, I want my share, even if it's nothing.

No, but I- There's gotta be a test you can take, right? To see if you have ADD. Isn't there a question there? I've done some of these things online and then I don't remember what it said. Yeah, suddenly you're just on a different website. I don't think I finished it.

Close the laptop. Wait, do I have it or not? Yeah, what did it say? Fuck it, I'll do that again later. Yeah, I don't know. It feels like I feel, and I'm relatively good about being focused about appointments and stuff like that, but it just sometimes feels like I'm scattered everywhere

and I don't know what, you know, it's. It's also, I mean, keeping track of a lot of things at once is really, I'm not great at it. Well, I feel like part of my thing is that I do keep track of a lot of things, like I keep the calendar for the family. Of course, you gotta keep track of the family. Everybody's appointments, everybody's things. Oh my God, I'm doing that for your family too.

Maybe I shouldn't do that. Okay, that's probably causing you a lot of distress. Really, I'm freaked out. Because you can't tell anyone what to do. We don't even hear from you. You never say anything about it. I always just tell people what to do. But I'm aware of everyone's schedule all day

and I'm like, okay, this person's coming at this time, then this is gonna happen. You have to go here, you have to be back by this time. I have to be back by this time. We have to... It's like Ocean's Climb. Which honestly is, Mike is very responsible and involved in all these things, but I do think women... We have to... It's like Ocean's Maybe he's playing three dimensional chess with you, making you do everything. He's huck finning you via chess. But don't you think Kuloff does the mental load

of the family planning and that? No, but mainly because I have so many jobs I have to do. What a brag. No, but you know like how doing three pocket. You have so many jobs. You know how my employment history is. Can I got, by the way. My employment history. Can I see that by the way? Yeah. Here you go.

I've been asking for your resume for- Coricolum? Italiano. Oh, duolingo. Coricolum vitae. CC. CC. CC.

CC. What were you gonna say? I once got shamed for saying that I had a bunch of jobs because I was doing a voiceover job and I honestly got to it and didn't know what show it was. And, or I confused it with something else and there was a famous person who does a voice on the show. Gotta know who this is.

And I said, I'm sorry. This is killing me. I was got to know who this is. And I said, I'm sorry, I don't, I, I, I was not sure which show this was. And the guy went, Oh, what a brag. Look at this guy's working all the time or whatever. And I wanted to say, fuck you, Al Pacino. I'm making this tiny amount of money for each of these jobs. Right. That's why I have to do that.

Right. That's why I have so many. No, that's the thing is you are having fun. Yeah. You show up here every day forever and get paid a lot more. That's why I have to do them. Right, that's why I have so many. No, that's the thing is just like- You are having fun. Yeah. You show up here every day, forever, and get paid a lot more. And this is like one of,

this is like a tiny little thing for you compared to like your film career. Oh, right. Yeah. This is Pacino. It has to be. It was Al Pacino. It has to be.

Al Bride. Look at this guy. Works all the time. And he's got a great ass. He did say I have a great ass, which was nice. Now you feel that you have so many jobs. Well, that's the thing is, is like none of our jobs are Monday through Friday, nine to five.

There are all these random things that you have to fill up your week with. So it's like, you know, I have to write this thing. I also have to write that other thing over there, but then I have three different podcasts I'm in charge of. And then I have to write this thing, I also have to write that other thing over there, but then I have three different podcasts I'm in charge of, and then I have to, you know, it's like all that kind of stuff. That's a lot. Well that's why, like, the dream in showbiz is to get on.

Just be on a sitcom like Press. To be on a show, yes. Yeah, where that's all you have to do all day. Yes. But then all those people go like, how do I parlay this into a film career? Fools. Fools!

Enjoy where you're at. Yes! The grass is always greener, as they say. Mm-hmm. That's a good point, boy. Yeah. Well, they do say. You keep us grounded.

Touch grass, bitch. You're the heart of this podcast, I've always said. Well, the women are. The boobs, I'm sorry, the boobs at this podcast. Ew. You're the mammary glands of this podcast. You guys are disgusting. Why am I disgusting?

I made it scientific. All right, we have to be right back. We're gonna take a break. We have to be right back. We have to come back at some point, bye. I'm gonna tell you something that's important and I need you to trust me on this and also look in where you realize it's true. Finding ways to unwind.

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Well, we are as good as our word. fits you at WeightWatchers.com. That's WeightWatchers.com. Well, we were as good as our word. We have to come back and here we are. Yeah, we were forced to come back. I was ready to end the show after the first segment. People don't realize that we're in a saw situation with this show. There is a little guy and he's got us in a chokehold and he says, figurative chokehold. To me, he's literally doing it. Really? When you guys are. He in a chokehold. And he says... Figurative chokehold. To me, he's literally doing it.

Really? When you guys are... He's a literal guy. He gets off the tricycle? Yeah, he gets off that tricycle. No, I have to go close to it. If you were in that situation, I would do whatever he says.

That little doll came riding in a mansion. No, I'd kick his face over and knock him over. I would just think it was so cute. Yeah. I would kick this shit out of him. I mean, I know I'm supposed to be scared, but this is adorable. And I think that's how I would defeat Jigsaw.

Yeah. Is I would just be so in love with him. He would get so frustrated. And he'd be like, can we cuddle? You have to be scared. Can you get in my bed, Jigsaw? Well, you know, he's just the avatar for Jigsaw. Yeah, I know.

Jigsaw's a guy. Yeah, but if I kill the doll, Jigsaw can't do anything. Jigsaw's watching all of this. Sure. So he's watching me play with the doll. Wait, so it's called Saw? I'm the guy behind the doll. You're scared of me, not the doll. I know I'm a hundred years late. It's called Saw. He wants me to be scared of the doll. Because the guy is called Jigsaw. He doesn't care how you react to the doll. What's that? It's called Saw because the guy is called Jigsaw. He doesn't care how you react to the doll. What's that? It's called Saw because the guy is called Jigsaw. Well, no, it's called Saw because they give you a saw. In the first movie.

I don't know if I even, I maybe saw one. They give you your handcuff to a thing and you can either die or saw your arm off. Okay. Okay. And he's called Jigsaw because he named himself after this unique predicament. Pfft. Did you know that the Jigsaw puzzle and the Jigsaw

have nothing to do with each other? Lies. Isn't that crazy? No, what do you mean? Yeah. They just call it that because it's like what a Jigsaw does. I guess, yeah. That's annoying.

But it's not made with a Jigsaw. It is annoying. That is annoying. I think I made a puzzle, a Jigsaw puzzle in my woodworking class. Cause I bought a jigsaw just expressly to make puzzles. Yeah. And then they tell you, you can't even make a puzzle with this. I think I did do that.

It's morally wrong. Well, I did it. Lock me up and throw away the key. I'm gonna look this up. Jigsaw? Jigsaw. I'll saw my arm off. What would you do?

Obviously saw your arm off. It was foot, I saw your foot off. Or foot or whatever, who cares? If the options are saw it or die? Saw it or seen it. Well, how are you dying? Painfully? I don't know.

Maybe if it's asphyxiation, that's a euphoric way to die. It's so amazing. Maybe autoerotic asphyxiation, that's how you die? You get to jerk off to death. It's actually perfect. It's fine. It's great. I'm not going to saw my leg. That would hurt. I'll just jerk myself off to death. Either way. If I was in that situation, I'd be like fashioning a noose right away and just go, I'm just going to jerk myself off. And then Jigsaw's way, wait, wait, wait, wait, no, you have to choose between the way I kill you.

He's like, wait, no, you didn't hear the options. The options were cut your arm off or I'll let you go over free and you just walk out. No, no, I'll drink up till I die. One of the search when I'm looking for this, one of the things that comes up is what's the appeal behind jigsaw puzzles? What don't you get? What puzzles in general? You have to enjoy testing your mind. I'm seeing two men on their phones. Yeah, and then the podcast. Oh, this is Lawrence a psychic by the way She's looking into the beyond the veil. I'm seeing two men on their phones

Nobody nobody hand cuts cardboard with a jigsaw Nobody does this Oh cuz it's cardboard, but didn't they originally make wooden puzzles out of it using a jigsaw? How do they make puzzles, though? If they're not using, or is it just like a big, like, machine that goes, wha-boom, and everything's cut? Every jigsaw puzzle's the same. Yeah, with the exact same pieces.

I was really into jigsaw puzzles. They just changed the picture. Leading up to the pandemic. Into the pandemic. And then I- Out of the pandemic. And the pandemic, and then I- Out of the pandemic, and continued on. I still love the one I'm doing right now. And to the next pandemic.

I completely stopped my interest. The next one. But honestly, having a kid will really fuck up your puzzle interests. Yeah, because they just wanna go like, whoop-pash. Yeah. They don't understand puzzles yet. They don't understand.

They don't understand that I need all the pieces. I was trying to remember when I understood games and played games. Cause I was playing games pretty young. Yeah. Mind games? Mind games. I know like Monopoly and Scrabble and stuff like that.

We got Holly some games for her birthday. I think three. Three is they understand like competition and games. Well like Candyland. I don't know if she's gonna understand it, but we're gonna try to play Candyland. The name Jigsaw Puzzle didn't appear until 1906 and the modern portable Jigsaw wasn't introduced until 1947.

So they named the Jigsaw after the way that puzzles were cut? I guess? I can't believe we're still wondering. Talking about Jigsaws? Well you guys had a whole side corn bow. But I thought I was in the library looking at microfiche. I feel like they still have microfiche at libraries. They should, man. It was so fun.

They better. You're like turning that dial. Wait a second. You always have to go back. Yeah. Hold on. Hold on. Yeah. Well, go back. No, go on, hold on. Hold on. Yeah. Hold on, go back. No, go back again. Enhance this. No, keep going back. I'd like to see that scene.

Have you seen, oh, here's where Scott hasn't seen. I'm not gonna do it, but have you seen Now and Then? You gotta do this. No. What is Now and Then? It's a great movie, I loved it when I was growing up. You gotta do it. It's a coming of age story about girls,

and now is present day adult version of the kids. And then they flashed, they're talking about when they were teens and they kind of go back and forth. Rosie O'Donnell is in it. She plays Christina Ricci grown up. Right, right, right, right. Melanie Griffith plays. What's her name?

The Girl from Ghost World. Olivia Thirlby? No. Scarlett Johansson? I know who you're talking about. From American Beauty. Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor, Thor. There we go.

Anyway, there's more. Demi Moore plays. Whoa. Olivia Thirlby. I can't remember anyone's name right now, even though I know them all. She was just in a great show called Eric on Netflix, which I really loved.

Eric? Have we run out of show names? I did not like it. Suddenly it's Eric. You didn't like Eric? I didn't like it. I loved it. Suddenly we're like, hey, let's name a show Eric,

and no one is named Eric in this show. Oh, Gabby, what's your name? Gabby Hoffman. From Transparency. Yeah, I love her. Saw her at Erawan recently. What was she buying? $15,man. From Transparency. Yeah, I love her. I saw her at Arowan recently. What was she buying? $15,000? She was walking in, I was walking to my car.

I know. Honestly, that place is annoying because- How much do you have to spend? $30,000. I go there for very specific items, but if you don't look, it's like things are, fruit is $20. No, it's crazy.

Now they're literally doing it on purpose. Everything is labeled $21. Let's make an apple $20. The smoothie is $20, I, it's crazy. Now they're literally doing it on purpose. Everything is labeled at $21. Let's make an apple $20. The smoothie is $20. I've never had it. I'm not going to, I don't want to have a $20 smoothie. I don't want you to have that. That bothers me. How much are apples? Although, although I'm kind of like, kind of want to try it as I'm talking about it. How much are apples? Apples, some of the things are normal. No, no, I'm just, no I'm asking like what's the normal price for an apple? Oh, what's a going rate for an apple?

Let's guess. I think a pound of apples, that's how they- No, no, no, no. Let's do one. Well, that's how they sell it. One apple? Yeah, one apple. You sell it by the pound. Have I ever bought one apple?

You can go in and buy one apple and they would like pro-rate it. The price is based, they'll pro-rate it. Yes, they do, but the price is based on per pound. And then you're like, okay, so that means if I get one, it's 50 cents, but it's like, I- 50 cents seems like too high. No, it's not.

For one apple? I think a pound of apples is 289. But what, how much is one? Like, a pound is like five apples. Okay, so divide that by five. I want to say $2.89 for a pound of apples. You? I don't know.

And look, maybe this is a brag, but I don't have to worry about it. I don't have to look at the price of my five apples. Well I will say I was very obsessed with my grocery bill when I was babysitting. And I was very aware of every dollar I spent. And then when I was able to buy groceries, do you think I'm looking at someone? Yeah. Because it looked like he turned as well.

And I thought somebody's sneaking up on me. I felt successful when I was able to buy groceries without really considering. Yes, absolutely. When I could go, I'll just get that. Yes. That feeling when you realize I can, I no longer have to panic when I go into a supermarket.

Yeah. There's somewhere where I can find today's prices of apples. Oh, I have to sign up for it. No, thank you. But here's a- Just go to fucking- It's a dollar 50. It's between a dollar 55-

We created an account to find out how much apples are. Between a dollar 55 and $2.94. I said $2.89. If's between $1.55. We created an account to find out how much apples are. Between $1.55 and $2.94. I said $2.89. If I'm getting my Whole Foods. That's on the highest. If I'm getting my Whole Foods, babe. Whole Foods is more expensive than Vons. More like Whole Paycheck.

Yeah. That's true. I said $1.50. I was too low. Or maybe I said $1.60 and I was right on. I don't know. I wasn't listening. Is that cool to say? That's fine. I expect it. Well, I don't know. I wasn't listening. Is that cool to say? That's fine. I expect it.

Well, I guess we're out of touch. You know how there always is a gallon of milk, like you don't even know how much a gallon of milk is. How often am I buying fucking milk? I'm not drinking milk. I buy milk so much. Well, we have to now for the kid, but it's like, but I just Instacart that anyway.

So how am I supposed to know? I order my food online, but I also was like, was this a pandemic? I don't, I, before the pandemic, I never ever would have ordered my groceries delivered because I was like, that's a crazy luxury. And then the pandemic made it like, you should do that basically. Or you know, you don't want to. It's still a rarity for us. But now I do it all the time because I'm like,

it's much easier. We only do it when suddenly we're out of something that Emmy needs and it's like, oh no, we woke up this morning and we have a packed schedule. And now. She needs that Playboy magazine. She needs that now. Because she has a lot of jobs

that she has to do in her office. I believe Playboy's not a thing anymore. I think it folded. I don't think that's true. And remember when it unfolded? I feel, ooh. Man, I once went over to someone on vacation. We went over to like a family friend's house

and they were like, go play in the basement. Oh boy. And then just boxes of Playboys. Boxes! Yeah. Oh my God. I remember one time digging in the parents drawer, not my parents, it was at my friend's house.

We were just doing, I don't know why. And we found spermicide and a diaphragm. And we were like, huh? That's so hot. There's been a murder. Sperm are dead. No, but would you tell like if, if family friends were coming over and they had kids,

would you say like, oh yeah, go down and play in the basement when you knew there were boxes of Playboys down there? No, I wouldn't do that. Stay away from the Playboys maybe I would say. Whatever you do, don't look at pornography. If a basement is somewhere where they would play, the Playboys shouldn't be there.

Yeah. Unless you don't know what the Playboys are about and you think it's a play toy. Yeah, I've been meaning to get to these magazines. I can't, my subscribers, it's like the New Yorker. It's like they pile up, I tell myself I'm gonna read it. I'm gonna read all these jazz articles. It's apparently a popular magazine.

No, I'm gonna spend a month jerking off these next year. I feel like I will. I found a porn mag in my dad's bedroom once. Hot. Did you go like, I guess he's into jugs. Was he in it? I guess he's into weed. I guess my dad likes naked ladies.

And this is how I find out. It was very, it was a very weird moment. No, that is really weird. Don't want to think about that. Cause of course all I wanted to do was find pornographic magazines. That's not where I wanted to find it. Yeah, you don't want to have a common. I remember, I remember not looking at it

because I was like, I don't want us to have the same vision. Right, that's gross. He's dead. I'm so sorry. Yeah. I did, we didn't know that. You've never told us that.

No, you've never talked about this. Oh yeah, my dad's dead. And how long has that been? Oh my God, 2011? Did he die from that magazine? Yeah. What? Or was it because you told him you found it

and he went, gross. Oh my heart. He knows my secret place. Hey, dad, about 40 years ago, I found this magazine. I'm so embarrassed. 40 years. He died of shame. 40 years ago. What could it have been? Let's see. How old was I?

I probably would have been like, well, I'm good. His final word was goodbye. I hope that's my final word. It would just be nice just to kind of close it out. No question. Just to be like that's, and I think, and like if you die on your birthday and you say goodbye,

it's perfect, it's like. There's never any question about how old was he? Yeah, how old he's about to be, no. Yeah, yeah. I hope my final word is either goodbye or let me tell you something. Come here, I want to tell you something. I have to tell you something.

Oh my God, my biggest secret is. My biggest secret? The person I murdered was. I was probably like between, let's say 10 and 12, 11. Okay. That's, yep. That's the number. Have you grown your first hair? Ew. You're so disgusting.

You're disgusting. You're being gross today. You're being gross. You are being gross today. Every other day. Yeah. Well, that's true, but Scott, today's your day. Today's gross you.

Yeah. Today's gross you. Today's gross you, yeah. Today's gross you. Today's gross you. Oh my god. So you were 11. What were you searching for? Christmas presents? What the fuck was I searching for?

Maybe I was searching for that, and then I found it and I regretted it. Well, that does happen. Well, I don't know what I was searching for. I think you probably just wanna know things. Like what grownups have. What does my dad keep in here? I remember doing that and I remember finding like

Articles that my father had written. He was like I think one of my son sucks My personal newspaper, I think he like had a dream of having a newspaper column like a whimsical These are my thoughts of like I saw this the other day, you know, when the LA times would have that kind of stuff. So I saw a few examples of it and I was like, oh man, this is never gonna happen. But. Can I say, this is not an ad,

even though we have done ads for this company. I gave my parents both Storyworth. That's right. And it's been really cool. Oh, wow. That's nice. The things that they're writing. I'm like, this is interesting.

I like the idea of it a lot, and it feels like a thing that I would not actually do. It's like, yeah, just people who don't know. Because you are only care about yourself. If you give it as a gift, it sends questions automatically to the person every week. And then they write an answer from their life. Like, what was your favorite show growing up or something?

And they write a whole thing about it. And then it makes it a book at the end of the year. But now I'm like, you got to get writing because the year is going to have one story. My dad wrote this really, really long story, and I couldn't believe how long it was. But it was really good. It was like this. This question was like this question was like, what was your dream car? And like the story was like-

What was your dream car? 20 hours long. I was like, what? It was so long and it went all these twists and turns, but it- And then I was nude. And then it connected. It was actually very well done and very,

it had very funny moments. But I was like, this is the whole book, you know, you need to write more. It's like that was. You can't just write one thing. You can make one, the next one can be a paragraph. It's fine. And instead he writes 20 hour long stories

every single time. Yeah, but then I'm like, I'm glad for that, but it did take him a while. Can you customize the questions? Like, do you remember hitting me in the supermarket? Yeah, you actually, so you can select the questions. I never did that. I don't know if you can make,

I don't know if you can make one up. That's a really good question. I never said that to you. I need to see if you can make them up because I would totally put one in. Not that. Yeah, it's funny. Isn't that funny that that's a parent thing

that you guys will eventually be doing? That your child will say something and you'll say, I never said that. It's always, I never did that. Oh, you're already pre-blaming them. Yeah, of course, I'm perfect. I mean, I am perfect, but I feel like if she says I said something,

I'm gonna have to go with, okay, I guess I said that. I don't remember what I said yesterday. So like, good luck. Like, good luck I have to go with, okay, I guess I said that. I don't remember what I said yesterday. So like, good luck. Like good luck gave me to admit it. But yeah. I guess we'll say things we regret. I don't know, I haven't yet. No.

You're mean, but you don't regret it. I say a lot of fucked up shit. I regret nothing. Hey, I'm not PC. That's just how I am. You can't say anything anymore. I can, and I do. Yeah, I don't know.

I wonder about these regrets. I mean, I'm more worried about regrets of not paying attention to something going wrong, physically or something, you know what I mean? More than, because I think we're pretty good with her. Oh shit, guys, I'm sorry. I just got this text. Oh no.

We all have to look at our phone. Oh no, I got one too, Paul. Your voter pledge card is blank? Will you vote for Dems no matter what? And then there's a link. Your pledge, your voter pledge card is blank, Paul? Come on, man. I didn't realize I had one. And I, I, I feel-

We all have it. It's our right and our duty as citizens I'm mortified. To have a voter pledge card. It's a privilege and it's compensatory. It's compulsory. I got a text, listen to this. Abandoning Joseph Robinette Biden Jr.

The 500% match on all gifts to stop Trump is expiring. Donate $10 worth $15. Why is it expiring? Yeah, just give, I don't know. Do you have a text for you, Lauren? I didn't get a text. I'm probably not on that list. I'm on more of a different sort. Why are we on it so much? I'm just kidding.

Take us off. I actually was getting so many, I was getting so many Biden emails. Yesterday, I was looking at my email and I noticed there were like 10, like within a day. And I was like, he's getting really email-y. So then I'm like, let me tone this down a little bit. So I go unsubscribe. And then it's like, please don't go.

And I felt kind of bad. So you're like, resubscribe. Whatever. And then it goes, how about we, I didn't even, I didn't even get to, cause you had to type in your name and email to unsubscribe. And I go, that feels like you're putting me on another list.

I don't want to do my whole name and my email. Then they go. Then you get a mass email like, hello, unsubscribers. How about this? They go, how about this? Like somebody was like, just get, what if you just get our most important emails? And then so I go, sure. Click to only get our most important emails. And then so I go, sure. Click to only get the most important emails.

It goes, okay, thanks so much, Lauren. You're going to get only our most important and best emails. I go, your best emails? Like the ones that they really worked on. Some of these are like, that was not that good. This is our best one. Yeah, these are gonna be coherent.

Have you received one since then? Let's see if I've gotten any since this was yesterday. Because I wanna hear what they consider to be the important ones and the best one. Yeah, these are gonna be like, have you received one? Let's see if I've gotten any since this was yesterday. Because I want to hear what they consider to be the ones in the best ones. I typed in Budan, but it worked. Biden HQ. Wait, I've already gotten three this morning. These are their best. We really need $1 as much as you can give before midnight. That's the for midnight. Come on. And then the first line is $1. This is a fake. That is the for midnight. Come on. And then the first line is $1. This is a fake.

That is the donation President Biden asked him. Then the next one says, let me be clear. I'm running. Okay, important. That one I would say like considering what's going on. Yeah, I can understand receiving that one. Okay. But do you think that's best? Then a couple hours later, this is actually amazing build. So 655 was we really need $1 by midnight. 938, let me be clear, I'm running. 1141, $25, one time folks. I think the middle one you're fine with, but cut out those other two.

Those other two in the same day? This can't be considered the best. That was all before noon. That means what, there's 10 shitty ones they didn't send you? So many things are gonna be coming at me this day. You gotta unsubscribe. I literally love, we need one dollar and then, just 25.

Just 25 dollars. Just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just, just I wonder how many more I'll get. That was literally three before noon. Geez. You're gonna get them all day long. Yeah. Maybe I didn't officially get on that list. You know what? We have to take a break. No. Yeah. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Is it Paul, really?

I've made the pronouncement. You said that so seriously. Because therapy is a serious business. That's right. In our busy lives, mental health often takes a back seat. What I'm saying. That's right. Without a car seat. You know what I mean. Whether it's work, family or personal commitments, finding time for yourself can be tough. Yeah. Therapy though, I tell you, it can make a big difference. It's self care, but it's non-negotiable. It's a self care non-negotiable. Exactly, it's non-negotiable for your self care.

When your schedule's packed with kids activities, big work projects and more, it's easy to let your priorities slip, but then you feel like you have no time for yourself. You need non-negotiables like therapy. It's more important than ever in a time like that. Can I give a personal experience? Sure. Yeah, I guess.

In therapy- Tell us everything you've told your therapist. Okay, you ready? Yeah. In therapy, I've learned so much about coping skills and setting boundaries, and I definitely am a huge fan and recommend it to everyone, and that is true. Very good, all right.

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That's 50% off your first week by using code threedom or go to cookunity.com slash threedom. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back. And we're back. And guess what? It's time for a threacher.

Why do you sound like that? I'm excited. So excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. I'm excited. Itrue. I'm excited.

Why do you sound like that? I'm excited. So I made that noise. You're weird. I have one of those things. You have one of these? That's bigger. I haven't used it. Oh man, we gotta do a duet. I got this for my birthday.

Oh, happy birthday. Yeah, I was so excited to get this. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah How could you be familiar with what this is from that noise? Lauren? I'm about to explain it. If you're not familiar with how about everyone? What's happening is because some people because I've seen this thing before and some other people might know what it is. I guess you go, that's that thing. Yes.

OK, so it's, it looks like three dimensional musical note and you sort of play it like a theremin. Almost you, you just jerking this thing off and nothing's happening. Well, you got to turn it on. Idiot. That's also what she said, But it has like a little mouth and you squeeze the sides of the mouth. No, there's two things. And you move your fingers up and down the shaft of the note.

Now you're being gross. And then it makes an irritating noise. Here, give it to me and I'll do it. He's got the touch. This guy. It wasn't turned on? It wasn't turned on? There you go. You gotta press it. Press.

Press what? God damn it, Lauren. The gray part. There you go, Lauren. That thing sucks. It doesn't even work. You suck. Oh, it's horny. Perfect.

Oh yeah, no, I got that. Box to kind of fugue in D minor. As played on, what is that thing called? I don't even know. Note mouth. Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Otter, Ot, massage, funeral, ice cream, and we play it here. If you'd like to submit a feature for us to play, why don't you send us an email? Three to the USA at gmail.com. We love getting emails.

We do love getting emails. We sort through them every single day. Do you remember how you used to love getting emails when email was brand new? Ooh, I got one. And now it's the bane of your existence? Well, you would only get like one, you would go out for the night and you'd come home

and you turn on AOL and there'd be nothing there. It would be like amazing. And then just suddenly like one day there'd be one there. I feel like I'm unsubscribing all goddamn day and it just doesn't make a difference. Report junk doesn't work either. Give us 50. And my question is, I've heard of those websites

where it takes you off all the lists and stuff, but then I was Googling one of them the other day, I don't wanna throw them under the bus, but it said, not safe. Like it's like, if you actually wanna protect your email, that's not really a safe thing. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Cause they'll do, they'll fuck you over some other way. Right. This world sucks. And guess what? I can't wait till it's over. Wow. Okay. There was a time when-

That being said, let's play a silly little game. There was a time where what? Where email was good and then it just turned into, now you can't trust a single email. Right. Can't trust a single email? And phone calls too. You can't trust any phone call. Oh, I never answer my phone.

Janie still asks me, like if my phone rings and I silence it, she's like, who's calling you? I'm like, I don't fucking know. Who fucking knows? Anybody I know would not be calling me. By the way, there's so many calls or texts I get that I assume are scams when they're saying like, hey, this package has arrived or whatever.

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. But I've been getting over the past week, I've been getting calls and texts saying, your Lexus is ready for pickup. And then a guy will be like, hey, this is whoever at the Lexus dealership. Your Lexus is here. I'm assuming they have the wrong number

and this is a real one, but- You gotta go get that car. That's crazy. Someone else paid for a car. I should go get it, right? You should go get it. That's crazy to not be aware. I think someone just like wrote down the wrong number.

It's a great rom-com idea. Yes. You have to find the person- You've got Lexus. No, it's called sexus and a Lexus. Yes. You have to find the person. You've got Lexus. No, it's called Sexus and Alexis. Yes. That's rude. Is it? Have you ever had sexus and Alexis? Um, hmm. This game is called Bad Rap and it was submitted by Emma Bradshaw. And here's what happens. We clap on a beat and we chant bad rap, bad rap, bad rap. Then someone says a line, then we chant bad rap, bad rap again. And then

the next person says another line that seems like it's going to rhyme with the previous line but doesn't at the very last second. Each line generally takes up two claps. This is great for us because- Do you want to hear a basic example? Yeah, just the most basic one you can have. All. What? Why is this happening? I what in the world is going on? Something that we said people are going to that's going to confuse people something that we said triggered Apple music to play the freedom people are going to think that the episodes beginning beginning and it already has begun a while ago why would

that happen because you said all or something bad rap bad rap bad rap Lauren my favorite shirt is blue and red I literally did not by the way have my finger on the computer or anything. It was something, but because it's hooked into this, it was something that was said. All right, you seem a little defensive. I, you look scared. Me thinks thou dost protest too much.

Wow, that should be a movie. It should be a movie, you're right. Isn't it Doth? Me thinks the lady doth protest too much. Wow. That should be a movie. It should be a movie. You're off Me thinks the lady duff protest too much. He said dust There's a dust. Yeah dust do yes, DUSD. Yeah. Okay. Let's play this game ashes ashes so then the Well, I was in the middle of the example and you can remember. Yeah. Yeah. And then you. It's weird that three played.

By the way, it's weird that the freedom song played out of any song. Yeah. Because it was coming out of Apple Music. Yeah. So like, as Scott says, pumpkin pie is a tasty treat. We all say bad rap, bad rap, bad rap. Then Lauren says, I am sitting in a chair because you think she was going to say. Car seat. Yeah. You think you're going to say car seat. Yeah, you think she was gonna say car seat Because also we're little babies

We have heads of baby body rap from the point of view of a little baby. Okay. Yeah Let's try it. All right Bad rap bad rap bad rap Bad rap, bad rap, bad rap. How many times did we say bad rap? Three times. Why three? I think you should clap lower. I feel like we don't need to clap as loud.

Bad rap, bad rap, bad rap, bad rap. Well, my name is Paul and I'm here to say bad rap, bad rap. It's such a beautiful sunny sky, bad rap, bad rap. It's such a beautiful sunny sky. Bad rap, bad rap. One day I was walking down the street. Bad rap, bad rap. And who do you think I made the acquaintance of? Bad rap, bad rap.

But don't you start a new one? No, because here's what we're doing wrong. No, you start a new one at that point. Shit, okay. Bad rap, bad rap. Bad rap, bad rap. Bad rap, bad rap. Mm, mm. Mm, mm.

Mm, mm. Mm, mm. I love to have a glass of milk. Bad rap, bad rap. There once was someone I conned and I got some money out of it. Bad rap, bad rap. I like to eat apple pie.

Bad rap, bad rap. I'm so happy I could touch the floor. Bad rap, bad rap. I'm so happy I could touch the floor. Bad rap, bad rap. Hey, my pants are really low. Bad rap, bad rap. I'm going to the beach, would you like to come? Bad rap, bad rap. My name's Lauren and I like to ski.

Bad rap, bad rap. This is gonna be great on that person over there. Bad rap, bad rap. This is gonna be great on that person over there. Bad rap. Bad rap. Me? Me? Me? Me?

Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me?

Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me?

Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Me? Bazlerman? Yeah. Oh. Is that a poem or a graduation commencing? That was an epic song when I was in middle school. Epic song. They put it to music. Yeah. Who's married to? Where's Mary's screen?

Isn't it Bazlerman? Is it him himself? I don't know. Interesting guy. Interesting guy? Should we? Interesting guy, should we do a little rap? Yeah, here we go.

Mm. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Bad rap. Bad rap. Bad rap. Bad rap. Bad rap, bad rap, bad rap. I went to the store and I bought a hat.

Bad rap, bad rap. Don't look over there, there's a scary black dog. Bad rap, bad rap. I think I'll go to a concert today. Bad rap, bad rap. Then I'll go to the barn and bale some straw. Bad rap, bad rap. Then I'll go to the barn and bail some straw. Bad rap, bad rap. I like to go and pet the animals. Bad rap, bad rap. I'll go down to the beach and see some birds. You literally don't have to make any sense when the word doesn't rhyme with anything. Bad rap, bad rap.

Oscar the Grouch lives in a can. Bad rap, bad rap. I like to get a sunny brown skin. Bad rap, bad rap. I think I'll put on my headphones. Bad rap, bad rap. And then I'll say, hello, Mrs. Smith. Bad rap, bad rap.

My favorite band's the Counting Crows. Bad rap, bad rap. Bad rap. Ah! My favorite band's the Counting Crows. Bad rap, bad rap. I listen to them through my ears. Bad rap, bad rap. I, I, I was flying in a plane. Bad rap, bad rap. My name's Dick and her name's Sally. Bad rap, bad rap.

I'm gonna sit down in my window seat. Bad rap, bad rap. I'm gonna sit down in my window seat. Bad rap, bad rap. On a plane. Bad rap. A window seat. Window seat. On a plane. So which should I try to not ride with?

Window seat. You look to be so confused when I said a window seat. Because it's, because, window seat. Window seat. So what's the thing that sounds like window seat, but like what would lead me- It should be window seat. Thank you.

Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't get the canes correct for you, Mr. Paul. That's the game, dear. Rap has evolved, Paul. Not bad rap, Scott. Bad rap, bad rap, bad rap, bad rap. I also have heard it done. Bad rap, bad rap, bad rap, bad rap, bad rap.

Too hard, too hard. By the way, we're all babies. Okay. Yeah, I forgot. I'm gonna grab my little rattle. Bad rap, bad rap, and I'm gonna go and do some war. Bad rap, bad rap, Somebody please come change my diaper.

Bad rap, bad rap, Boy, I'm feeling so excited. Bad rap, bad rap, Hyper rap, bad rap, You are looking at me so confused, everything I say. No, no, no, stop, stop, stop, You gotta trust I say, you gotta trust the audience. You gotta trust the audience. Don't explain it to me.

Then you make up a new one. Yes, I know. I know, but you're looking at me like this. Sorry that you don't understand. I know, but don't explain it to me. It's the explaining it to me that holds it up more than anything. Sure. Bad rap.

But I don't like the look. He's allowed to give you the look. Yeah, don't look at me. Bad rap. Bad rap. I need to come back. Bad rap. Bad rap. Bad rap. Bad than anything. Sure. Bad rap. But I don't like the look.

He's allowed to give you the look. Yeah, don't look at me. Bad rap, bad rap. I need to close my fontanelle. Bad rap, bad rap. I don't like you, go to heaven. Bad rap, bad rap. When I'm up there, I'll get some wings.

Bad rap, bad rap. Do you think that you like to sing? Oh, you did it! Good rap, good rap. Good rap think that you like to sing? Bad rap. Oh, you did it! Good rap, good rap. Good rap, good rap. You rhymed. You said wings.

Wings. You said wings? I thought you said wang. He did say wang. I kind of put a spin on where I was like wangs. So you were- This time I tried not looking at you. I know, and you should have looked at him

because you would have understood his tone. You're out to sabotage me at every turn. Let's go the other way. Okay, other way. Let's go the other way. Yeah, let's go counterclockwise if you know what that means. Oh, that was a low blow.

That's low. That was a low blow. That's low. I apologize. Bad rap, bad rap. I'll start it. Okay. Bad rap, bad rap. Hey, there is a hairy bush. Bad rap, bad rap. I'll start it. Okay. Bad rap, bad rap.

Hey, there is a hairy bush. Bad rap, bad rap. I put a diaper on my ass. Bad rap, bad rap. I think that I might have a rash. Bad rap, bad rap. Check out my big gaping hole. Bad rap, bad rap.

I think you are pretty nice. I think I'll eat some cream in my coffee. I don't want to go to school. But I don't want to be a dummy. School is where I go to learn. I don't want to have someone. I guess it is me. Corn kernels.

It also would have rhymed and you not looking at anyone was making me laugh. It was so hard. Cause you look like you're in a quarter playing alone. My ghost friend. You don't see him. I don't. Timothy. I'm playing with my ghost friend over here. You don't see him? I don't. Timothy? Oh, I put my bag on him.

I'm so sorry. Timothy doesn't mind. Okay. He's holding it for you. That's nice. Timothy McVeigh. Timothy McVeigh, my invisible friend. Your ghost friend.

Timothy. Well, that was bad rap. That was fun. That was fun. That's a good one. That was a good time. It's hard to rap poorly. I'm such a good rapper. I'm such a good rapper. I'm such a That was fun. That's a good one. That was a good time.

It's hard to rap poorly. I'm such a good rapper. It's hard to rap well and poorly. What a weird art form. It's hard to do it good, hard to do it bad. I love to do it though. You love it. You love rap.

You love hip hop. I like to do a little hip hop. This is real hip hop. I like to do a little hip hop. I think next time we should do bad diss tracks. Oh yeah. We should come up with another podcast that we're dissing like Hollywood Handbook or something. That would be great. Or The Daily. Everyone would like that. Oh yeah. Oh let's diss the Dough Boys. I've always wanted to diss the Dough Boys. Dough Boys. Should we have a feud with a podcast? Should it be the Dough Boys? Yeahoughboys. Should we have a feud with the podcast?

Should it be the Doughboys? Yeah, we should. Is that fair, three on two? Let's start it now. Doughboys, more like the solid bodies. We're coming for you. Hmm. Yeah.

That's about all we got. Hey, why aren't you guys dead yet? I feel like- For eating all that garbage. That's too hard. Is that too hard? That's too hard, Paul. Really? We don't want him to die. Well, we want to win this battle, don't you why aren't you guys dead yet? I think for me to go back garbage It's too hard. That's too hard. Really? I don't want to die. Well, we want to win this That's no way to win. I don't want them to die. I never said I wanted them to die. Oh my I just expressed surprise that they're not dead yet Okay. Wow. I mean everyone should be in the scope of history The fact that we're here right now, it's just a blip.

Isn't it amazing? Yeah, so what's the deal then? Isn't it all amazing? Shouldn't it be blipped out? Isn't it so weird that the three of us, that we found each other in this world? Like you should be from Elizabethan times. You should be from the future.

I should be right now. That actually all makes sense. You should be in the past. Ha ha ha ha. Meaning die. Ha ha ha. You should be in the past. Ha ha ha. The world's past.

Well guys, that's it for us. Listen, write to us at 3dmusa.gmail.com. Leave us a voicemail for our 3dm episodes, which we do every other week. Did I say all the- I think you said episodes. I was letting it go. The way you contact us is to either write to us

at 3dmusa.gmail or you can call us at hagclaims8.com. Yeah, you go to a website and leave a voicemail? It's so crazy. And then on Tuesday, look, if you don't have, if you're not listening to the ad free episodes and all the back catalog, which you can get on CBB World or somewhere else, maybe. Just listen to Three Visiting on the Two's, which is we release old episodes every Tuesday. Yeah, we do. We do. And those are fun. And, you know, subscribe to Lemonada on Apple podcast or something, and you'll get the three memes.

I don't know how it works. Will we ever know, do you think? I don't know. They've tried to explain it. And you don't doubt. I think it's pretty easy to explain. Yet I can't do it I need to have it printed lemon out of a look at is how you get lemon out of bring yes is it that simple it is that simple so go to lemon out of dot com are

you a professor yes I am it is that simple and everyone should be paying attention because it is that simple you get get Lemonade Premium or CBB World, and you get Ed Free. Do you remember Einstein and Hoppenheimer? Yeah. No, do you remember Einstein in that movie with Meg Ryan? Yeah, he was bad. Oh yeah, what was that called? They were riding a bicycle?

Yeah, what the fuck was that movie? That's the dream is to have a boyfriend who wants to ride around on a bicycle with you. If you could have a boyfriend like Einstein, ugh, it would be so awesome. He'd always be in his lab probably, but. Yeah. Oh my God, you could borrow a sweater.

Yeah. Just wear only the sweater. And he can use his brush because he never does. Ooh, ooh, ooh. You know that poster of him sticking out his tongue? That was so funny. You know what I mean? That was so funny when he did that.

That movie, I think the word relativity was in there somewhere. Oh yeah. It was one of those movies that I think was out when I was working at That movie, I think the word relativity was in there somewhere. Oh yeah. It's one of those movies that I think was out when I was working at Tower Video, along with Now and Then. Who played Einstein in that?

No one knows. It was called IQ. IQ! It was her and Tim Robbins, and then Walter Mathau was. I was gonna say Tim Robbins as Einstein. Whoa, I feel like I should watch this. Catherine Boyd is a highly intelligent doctoral student at Princeton University and is engaged

to stuffy professor James Moreland, Stephen Fry. Ed Walters, Tim Robbins, a mechanic and all around regular guy, falls for Catherine and searches for a way to impress her. Believing that the key to Catherine's heart is his IQ, Ed passes himself off as a physicist with the help of Catherine's uncle who just happens to be Albert Einstein.

This is like a modern day Cyrano de Bergerac. You know, when you say it, it sounds less complicated. That sounded crazy. I hope it did. I'll ask her uncle to help me. Yeah, like if I were Einstein, I'd be like, I'm working on this theory. Does the uncle Einstein, does he know that he's helping him deceive his niece?

Or does he think he's just, is he just going in saying like, hey, give me some, what are some things about physics? I think Einstein is not street smart. So he's very gullible when it comes to things like this. He's very book smart, yeah. I love Einstein. I feel like he's one of the greats. Good bye.

No, wait, wait, wait. We have merch. We have t-shirts. We have buttons. Yes. You got to go over to CBBworld.com slash merch. Get all of our merch because the t-shirts are great. And Lauren really wants one.

They're really good. And I can't wait for everyone to be wearing them. I can't wait. Tag us and we'll retweet you! Tag us and back us! What if that was the message from the aliens? Goodbye. Goodbye.

Hi, I'm June Diane Raphael. And I'm Jessica St. Clair. And we would like to invite you on a hilarious and heartfelt journey each week on the Deep Dive. From navigating the chaos of motherhood and family to exploring the depths of grief and loss, we are just two best friends who process life together and with you guys. Discover our secrets to finding joy amidst the madness and get ready for unfiltered conversations about life, love and everything in between.

And nails, we talk a lot about nails. Now, community is everything to us at the Deep Dive. We believe in the power of connection and the strength that comes from supporting one another and we would love to have you with us. So be sure to join us every Wednesday on the Deep Dive from Lemonade Media, wherever you get your podcasts. -♪ Be your podcast.

What do weddings, Instagram, and toxic relationships all have in common? They take your money and you can't get it back. 16 grand, somewhere in there. Gone. There's no legal solution for the fact that you married an asshole. Welcome to The Dough. I'm ex-Mayo.

We're diving into the stories surrounding the moolah baby. The good, the bad, and the unexpected. Yeah, we talking about it all. The Dough is out now wherever you get your podcasts.