TigerBelly - Ari Schaffir & Adrienne Lapalucci

Episode Date: February 12, 2025

Comedians Ari Schaffir & Adrienne Lapalucci join us. We chat Asian sameness, Maya Angelou quotes, dried squid, being free, Helen Keller bit, and 5-dollar pancake smells. Get 5 dollars off your next order at www.magicspoon.com/belly. Or look for Magic Spoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery store. That’s www.magicspoon.com/belly for five dollars off. Start your free online visit today at www.hims.com/belly. That’s www.hims.com/belly for your personalized hair loss treatment options.  The new gold standard is here with Robinhood Gold. To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at www.robinhood.com/gold  Sign up for your one-dollar-per-month trial period at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly

If I call you and Ralph, Ralph picking up is just like you picking up is what I'm saying? Yeah, because he's more closer to you. Whoa, interesting. That's not true at all. Why do you believe that? I'm way more closer to you. Because like the comedy level. Oh, so you so comedy level.

You don't think you're high enough comedy level to call me back? No, I'm still an open mic'er. What? I'm still an open mic'er. I don't think you're a... really? I got open mics, bar mics. We're in Sacramento. Ooh!

You're wrong all the time, you're wrong all the time to me. Your face is so big. So big. It covers the screen. The screen. Can we zoom out just a little teeny bit? Steve Aoki's coming. Is he coming? Yeah, just a second. What you've seen and hearing. Have you heard of him?

It's not real right now. You know Steve Aoki? Yeah, no, that's your uncle. Is he an open mic'er still? He's getting quick. Wow, that's that's open micers don't say that to headliners. Oh okay. Yeah so. Try it again. Okay. You know Steve Aoki? Yeah. Who is he? He's a good DJ and a good comedian. Cause he's not a comedian. Oh he's pretty funny to me. You think you can get more girls than him?

No, of course not. You can't? No. I know, I said it myself right now. Your attitude lately... Oh. Did you read it? No, not yet. You bought it for him?

No, my girl. My Filipino girlfriend got it for me. Really? Yeah. Wait, there's an audiobook, I think that'd be easier for you, no? I can read. So offended. I'm just saying, dude, that it's easier to listen to audio. I listen to audiobooks all the time.

You don't want to hear yourself? My Filipino girlfriend, she's like, What are you doing? What you doing? Oh, she has an accent, dog? Yeah, she does. Do you have one? Oh, it's because I was hanging out. Yes, he does.

Yeah, he does. I was hanging out with her, she's like, she called her Lola. What'd she look like, dog? I can't show you. Show me a photo, dog. I can't. Why? Because you're gonna take her away from me.

No, I'm not. Yes, you can. I'm not, give me a photo. I've seen the girls you take. Oh, you think she's hot enough that I'm gonna take her away from me. No, I'm not. Yes, you can. I'm not. Give me a photo. I've seen the girls you take. Oh, you think she's hot enough that I'm gonna take her? Yeah. Wow. She knows me because of you.

Like she watches TigerBand. Okay, I want to say something. I'm not an emperor and she's not a concubine. I mean, this is a free market situation, my friend. He's making you sound crazy. Yeah, I'm not crazy, dude. Give me a photo, dude. I'm not gonna take her she's not a concubine. I mean, this is a free market situation my friend. He's making you sound crazy Yeah, i'm not crazy dude. Give me a photo dude. I'm not gonna take her. I promise. No, I'm my aunt scouts honor Yeah, yeah, you know you remind me of the monkey man I was just watching my tiktok, but I can't

It's like a like it's a man dressed as a monkey, but could it be a monkey dressed as a man? It's a monkey man. Okay Let me ask you something. What's up? Is it a superhero or a movie called monkey man? Oh, it's like a game Oh, it's a game called monkey man. No, it's not called monkey man. Oh my god, dude Oh my god, I can't be you can't be what can't even you can't even what I can't even man Do you with me right now? I can't I can't deal with you right now, dude I called you back. You never come back. No. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I heard that move games fun. Yeah, did you play it? No, I Have it. Yeah Because it's a short game. I heard right but you see the tick-tock, right? Yeah, I've seen a tick-tock. Yeah

He looks cuter than you Because he has hair right? No, you have hair too. Yeah, we wish you can grow a beard. Oh God, here we go Like a man child you think I'm gonna be cuz I was in Sacramento and they were like, hey, you're young Bobby Lee Dan he's the young Bobby Lee after they said about you. Yeah who? People what you play and the punchline you wait Ralph played the punchline? Yeah, he's a yeah. He sold out every- I know of course. It's a small room though. No, it's not. Oh, yeah, it is kind of yeah. It's 200 seats. But he sold out every week. I mean every day. Yeah

I know you if you don't it's a problem. Yeah, it's a hard it's a hard crowd. It was hard. It was hard for you. Yeah What happened to like? It was scattered laughs like I didn't get no pops, but like the right side was like dead It's tough man, but they love you under Ralph do oh he did amazing like always I'm not trying to glaze him but You know, he does well Well, you know why? He's not a donut. He's a donut? He's not a donut.

That's why he wouldn't glaze him. I don't know, but the glazing, the term glazing in TikTok is like you glazing your friend. No, no, explain it to me. Okay, like Gilbert, you know who Gilbert, right? Yeah, I do know Gilbert. So like, if he wasn't here, I'll be glazing him right now.

Oh yeah, but what is the definition of glazing? You gotta give the definition. Yeah, yeah. Less examples, more definition. Like the glazing is like hyping your friend up. Oh, you're hyping him up. Like, yeah, yeah. Like suck his dick already.

Oh, right. Yeah, so I don't, you know. Andrew sold out two shows this weekend. I'm not glazing him. You're not, yeah, you're not glazing them. You're not yeah, you're not So um I thought I okay said for that everybody I thought it was coming at one that was prepared for Ioki So well got this is better. I'm more relaxed now. Hold on, will this help you?

Will this help? This is my Ioki impression. That's really good, dude. Thanks. So dope. Do you guys, are you guys on the road together or? We are a lot, we're going to Nashville together today, tomorrow, the next day.

Thursday. Thursday. I'm gonna pee, I'll be right back. Okay, I'll hold the fort down. Or you're a lot of going to Nashville together today tomorrow the next day Thursday I'm gonna get I'm gonna pee I'll be right back. Okay. I'll hold the fort down Yeah, hey, what's up? Oh? No, go ahead introduce both our guests, please. Okay. Okay. What's up guys? I can't start with an uh, okay What's up guys? Uh It's tiger belly What's up,? It's Tiger Belly. What's up man? No, no. You got him so mad.

I'm not telling you what to do. You're right, he's not my dad. Don't let him tell you. Yeah, he's just funny. I'm not your dad. Do you even know who your dad is though? No. Okay, so I could be.

Very duffel. I don't have the same. Well, we do have the same. If I knocked up a black chick, it'd be you. I know, but like halfway. No, I'm Mexican. I know, but me with a black chick makes you. Definitely not.

Definitely not. Me with a light black chick. He's very Mexican. A light black chick. No. A light skinned black chick. Like a Boricua. That's Puerto Rican.

Yeah, but I'm saying we could have produced that. How old are you? Me, 28. You could be. How old are you? Enough to be your dad. You're 58. Not your actual dad,

but I'm old enough that I could be your dad. It's not whether I am, that's not what I'm talking about. Do your intro. You're 58? Not your actual dad, but I'm old enough that I could be your dad. It's not whether I am, that's not what I'm talking about. Do your intro. Oh, what's up Tiger Belly people? Papaya Bros, we're here with Ari Shafir. Nice. Right? He could be my dad.

I could be his dad. I could be a Mexican Jew one day. Okay. We have Adriana Luciiano. That's close. That's, wow. Lugiano. I don't know, man. Adriano Lugiano.

That's actually not a bad name. Try to get high. Adriano Lugiano. Adriano Lugiano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She shot a security agent. That wasn't around, so my reading skills is off. Don't blame my dad.

Okay. Who's this, new Stevie? I don't know. We picked him up from the streets. I don't know if it's working out. He's like, hey, 50 bucks is 50 bucks. Let me ask you something. Back in the 90s, Ari, if Pauly Short called you,

and you called Pauly Short, and you never called him back, would you get shit never called him back. Would you get shit for it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I called him last week, he never called me back. What's going on, buddy?

It's a new school. Yes, new, is it, Adrian, is it new school, you think? I think so. Me too. Where it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. He doesn't respect you, actually. I know, I know, that's what it is. He's been like, I can't make it more obvious.

I don't respect you. This Gen Z doesn't care about their jobs. He didn't even learn my name. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You made up a name that's not even a name of anyone. I know. Agee-anna. Yeah, yeah.

He didn't even know your name too. That's fine. That's, Adrian Lobbaloochee, what are you talking about? It's his show. Oh, yeah. What the fuck are you talking about? Adrian Lobbaloochee. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lodjooloojee, Lobbaloojee, what are you talking about? It's his show. Adrian Lobbaloochee. Adrian Lobbaloochee. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Lobbaloochee, Lobbaloochee. I love it. Joint lob, Mike. I'm not upset. Yeah. You don't know my name? No. No.

It's a cool name. Well, the vibe is already good. I love it. It's on fire. So let's start. Hello? Yeah, funny? It's here.

Hello. Hello. So. These are fake. So, um. These are fake. Yeah, I know they are. So, that's what happened. It's the new school. I'm over it.

Why didn't you call him? Why didn't you ask him? You tell him something? What I wanted to say is, dude, I'm so sorry about the loss of Ken Flores. Do you know him or do you just assume you do him? No, I know him. He actually looks like him.

I know. Dude, you could be Gallagher too No, I know him. He actually looks like him. I know. Dude, you could be Gallagher too. The same kind of Mexican. You could be Gallagher too for 10 tours. Were you a little happy when he died so you could? No, I'm sad. There's a pause, that was a long pause.

There's one more spot open. So I was gonna give you, you know. A notice. Love. Well, I never called you before. So I'm like, this is a good opportunity to call a guy. The first time your boss ever called you. Right, and then it was over like a death, and I was gonna be like a human for a second,

and bond with you on that level, and you never called me back. And the reason why he didn't, this is his excuse, is because he's Ralph Barbo's guy. They grew up on the same street together. Oh really? They're best friends. Dallas? Yeah. That's why he's here because Ralph was here guy. They grew up on the same street together. Oh really? Their best friend. Dallas?

Yeah. That's why he's here because Ralph was here and then he was over there and then. Cause you're trying to get Barboza in here and you. No, no, I've had him on ever since I met him. We fly him out here. You live here now? Oh, what?

Yeah, every week we fly him out here. Wow, he flies around here and you don't call him back? I know, I know, dude, I know. He could have been telling you that the flight was canceled. I know, I know, I know. You could have just been like you're fired. I know, I know, I know, dude, I know. He could have been telling you that the flight was canceled. I know, I know, I know, I know. You could have just been like, you're fired. I know, I know, I know.

I was just asleep and I woke up, I went to Ralph's room and he's like, hey, Bobby called me. I was like, oh, okay, I guess he called me for the same reason, so I just don't need to call him back. Oh, he assumed. He assumed. He's nervous around you, probably.

I think that, is that what it is? I'm gonna give him the benefit of the doubt. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So let's start from the beginning. I mean, we're gonna keep all that in. You know what I mean? You got this now?

You got this going? It's fine. Yeah, yeah. Can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, wait, wait. Can I ask for something? Can I ask for a bit?

Nothing matters. Later. Go ahead. Okay. It's my favorite Bobby Lee bits. Please, stand up? Yeah. No, I'm gonna do my stand up on my podcast.

I've never done that before. It's not stand up, it's hosting. It's a bit, it's a hosting bit. I'll remind you in 10 minutes. Let's get the show started. No, no, no, no, wait. Rock to the race. No, no, no, no, no, no.

Ari, we're not doing this. What? We're not doing sneaker bucks, sneaks, sneaks, sneaks. No, we're not doing fucking. I forgot Snickers. Yeah, Snickers, candies in the butthole. Dude, I was helping you. We're not doing any of that. I didn't do mounds bar. I could've done mounds. We're not doing fucking. I forgot Snickers. Yeah, Snickers candy's in the butthole. Dude, I was helping you. We're not doing any of that.

I didn't do Mounds Bar, I could've done Mounds. We're not doing any of that, it's a different Bobby Lee, man. All right, it's a different brand. You know what you said last time when you couldn't do the candy bar up the butt? Even though you did, you're like, I work for ABC, I can't be doing this stuff.

You don't work for anybody now. Hey. Maybe he's grown up. Who's the biggest intern? Exactly, the highest level intern here. I have a deal at NBC. What kind of deal? A TV show. Clean it up and we can use you?

Let me tell you this. The hottest level intern here. Go get some candy bars. Go get a zero bar. No, EJ. EJ. Twix at minimum. EJ, anyone in the room, I'm gonna show you power.

Adrian's never seen this. I'm gonna show you power. I can imagine. Yeah, she can imagine. I can imagine. Yeah, she can imagine. I can imagine. She's seen it online. So anyone in the room that works for me, if you get a candy bar, I will never see you again.

You will. E.J., no I won't. You will, you know he's full of shit. No, E.J., E.J., I'm telling you right now, you wanna test me? I do believe you. Yeah, believe me, Alex, believe me. Believe me, guys.

What does E.J. stand for? Extreme EJ Sam? We're extreme Jew. No He's Filipino. Oh, that's like not white at all. Yeah So, um, let's start from the beginning. Okay. Yeah, I'm not doing that. Why that's okay Oh, you know, just do it the candy in the butt thing. Yeah. Yeah, cuz look at He made me oh, oh, it was in the old house. Was my nose bigger then? Yeah, yeah. How many years ago was that? I showed this to Howie Mandel and he almost threw up. Yeah, yeah.

He goes, what do you mean? Why would you do this? Yeah, yeah. And his daughter's dying laughing, I'm like, for that. Okay, turn it off. It's too much, I'm not doing that again. How is this up on YouTube? Six years ago.

Six years ago, wow. 1000 views, that's it? We did that for 1000 views? I know, that's what I'm saying. No one000 views, that's it? We did that for 1,000 views? I know, that's what I'm saying. No one cares. You guys could, you could beat it today though. Put that back. We could beat it today, Adrian's right.

I don't want to be, we could beat 1,000. He's a marketing genius. We could beat 1,000. You could get a million. Okay, stop. So. Do you have a steak or anything we could do? We could up it?

We're not doing anything, we're not doing butthole with play. Caviar. No caviar. Okay. Can I have this? You can have whatever you want, Adrian, okay? Thank you, oh my God, I up it. Now that you have more money. We're not doing butthole play. Caviar. No caviar. Okay. Can I have this? You can have whatever you want, Adrian, okay? Thank you, oh my God, I love it. Yeah, we have all kinds of stuff.

Water there for you, the Mountain Valley. We have any coffee that you want. Let's start from the beginning. We're gonna keep all that in. Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and gentlemen. Wait, wait, wait. Now's the time for my question. What, go ahead. Helen the time for my question. Go ahead.

Helen Keller playing the Beatles. Oh no, no, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. What is this? I used to do that. How do you remember that? I remember the great bits. Helen Keller playing a cover of the Beatles. Yes, I used to play the piano live.

You know what I mean? And then Zach did it on a special. Zach does it. Oh, that same way? Well, he doesn't do that? And then Zach did it on a special, like Zach does it. Of that same way? Well, he doesn't do that bit, but he plays the piano and stuff. In my mind I was always too hacky, so I stopped doing it.

Do it. Yeah, yeah. So this is Helen Keller. Oh my God. I'm excited. Here we go. Yeah. ["Hellen Keller, Op. 3, No. 1, Op. 4, No. 5, Op. 6, Op. 7, Op. 8, Op. 9, Op. 11, Op. 11, Op. 12, Op. 13, Op. 14, Op. 14, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op. 15, Op That's what I did. That's what I did. That was really good.

Yeah, yeah. You've never heard that before. You never heard that? Yeah, and it would crush. It would crush, but then like, you know. What are you doing for your Hulu special? That's a wrap up. Dude, that's a wrap up. That's a wrap up, bro.

That's a wrap up, yeah, yeah. End of the credits? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Magic Spoon protein cereal. And treats. And treats. You guys, um, Magic Spoon, you knowereal and treats and treats. You guys, um, Magic Spoon, you know, as a kid, what Coco, all these ones, you know, frosted, frosted, you know, there's so much sugar, dude.

Yeah. Have you ever had frosted, frosted, dude? Too sweet for me. It's too sweet for Papa, dude. Too much sugar. It's not good for you, right? But guess what? Magic spoon did they made the same cereal but with less and with more protein and worth more health in mind All right, every serving of magic spoon high protein cereal has crazy macros dude as a kid, dude I was like, where's the macros dog?

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It's gonna be great. Oh really? I'll help guide you a little bit. I did for her. He did, yeah. Oh did you really? I went over material for months and months and months. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I went and saw her a bunch. Okay. We talked about like. Oh, I think that's what I need. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you don't have to do it today, but like, you know, but anyway,

thank you so much. But anyway, we have Ari Shaffir and Adrian Lapaluchi. Apaluchi. Apaluchi. It says L on the thing. I know, it looks like an L. It's an I. It's an I.

Hard I. I'm gonna change it to what you said. Apaluchi, the Dark Queen on Netflix. I heard it's great, oh, it's special. It's great, it's the best special of 2024. Yeah, is that coming from you or Netflix? It's kind of, yeah. It's definitely not coming from Netflix. Yeah, yeah that coming from you or Netflix? It's kind of, yeah. It's definitely not coming from Netflix.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So are you, so Adrienne, do you see an effect on that special on your ticket tickets? Yeah, I'm selling like 10 tickets a show now. No. This is supposed to do. No, you're doing, we're better, be honest. She sold out in Irvine?

No, I sold out. I did sell a decent amount in Irvine. Yeah, Cleveland, I sold one show out. So it's like, I did sell a decent amount of Irvine. Yeah, Cleveland I sold one show out. So it's like I'm definitely seeing an increase. So you played the Hilarities? Hilarities, yeah. Oh, don't you love that club? I love that club.

Nick. It's amazing, Nick. One of the greatest guys on planet Earth. Did you get a baseball bat? Yep, I have it in my car. Did you shove it off your pussy? Not yet. Okay, guys.

It's in my car. Is this a clean show? No, no, no. Are we not allowed to? Actually, I think. I forgot, I forgot. The bat's made of wood. I shouldn't shove it up my pussy.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, because of the splinters? Oh, I see. Also, don't think, isn't there like a glaze on the bat? I'm very wet, though. Oh, you are? I'll wash the laser off. Do you still get wet, or?

Yeah. Oh, yeah. How wet? Like very wet though. I'll wash the laser off. Do you still get wet? Yeah. How wet? Like very wet. Well, now since we're going down this road, I want to know how wet. Can I just say about the wetness though? Because I'm not a scientist or a doctor or anything. Do you think it's overrated?

No, no, I love it. It's my favorite thing. We should bottle it. But my point is what? You think wet is a myth? No, it's a real thing. I've had it happen. You know what I mean?

Sure. But what I'm saying is that sometimes it's like clear and sometimes it's like milky looking. Yeah. That's not good. What is that? No, it's good. The milky. You like the milk?

Yeah, like a little bit. That's usually yeast. No, that's yellow. No. Like when they're fucking on camera? On camera. It's like. Oh, you mean, okay, I thought you meant

when you just start out. No, no, no, no, not start out. You don't open milk. You don't open with the milk. I would hope not. Yeah, you mean, okay, I thought you meant we'd just start out. No, no, no, not start out. You don't open milk. You don't open with the milk. I would hope not. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, colors of vaginal discharge. Where we go?

What's yellow, green? Or yeast infection. Sexually transmitted infection. That's right, yellow's not good. White is healthy. Well, white could also be yeast infection. Oh, that could be. That's if you're right.

Hey, cervical bleeding, that's what I give girls. I do gray, bacterial, that's fun. That's always fun. Vaginosis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't spell vaginosis without vag. Yeah. Red bacterial, that's fun. That's always fun. Vaginosis. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can't spell vaginosis without vag. Yeah. Red is, that's a fun color.

Because it could also be cancer. It's like are you a theater or is that cancer? That's fun, that's fun. That's always fun. Yeah, you fuck a girl, she's like, I must be like. Can you get vagina cancer? I've never heard of that. Can you what?

Vagina cancer. Yeah. What? Cervical cancer, right there. But can you get dick cancer? Yeah, but heard of that. Can you what? Vagina cancer. Yeah. What? Cervical cancer, right there. But can you get dick cancer? Yeah, but it's called something else. Yeah, yeah. But it's not, it's, no, it's, I can, the nut sack, yeah.

The sack, yeah. Yeah. But not the dick part. Shaft cancer. Is there a shaft cancer? Hush your mouth. Ah. Don't talk my shaft.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's really good. All right. Really good reference. We're gonna cut that out. Anyway. But, Adrian, are you seeing anybody? I am. Oh.

Who? It's a TikTok star. No. Yeah. And how did you meet this person? Go to his boxing match? Yeah. Like it's kind of a big deal.

He gave me his dick pills. No, so you met him on TikTok? Met him on TikTok, yeah. Wow, and he hit on you first? He hit on me first dick pills. No, so you met him on TikTok? Met him on TikTok, yeah. Wow, and he hit on you first? He hit on me first, yeah. Wow, and how did he do it? He just sent me a DM. It was so easy.

And he goes, let's say. He's like, I bet you get a ton of these, and I was like, this is my first one. Wow. Now we're in love. That's your first one? It's my first DM ever. I've never gotten a DM, Ari.

Like a sexual DM? Never. You're lying. Yeah. Oh, okay. I was like, what? You have, right? Yeah. She's a woman. How many?

A lot? Yeah, someone told me that they watched my special three times, the first time they watched it, because they thought it was funny, and then the third time they stopped it to jerk off. That's a good compliment. I know. Yeah.

I don't think anyone's ever jerked off to me. But you haven't put a special out yet. Yeah, but that's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah, but way too pointy. That's a good compliment. I know. Yeah. I don't think anyone's ever jerked off to me. But you haven't put a special out yet. Yeah, but that's a good point. That's a good point. Yeah, but way to your special comes out. Yeah, it's gotta be through your art. Everyone's gonna be jerking off.

This is art too. What? This is an art form as well. Amy, Amy. Amy. Amy. Okay, anyway. When your special comes out,

girls are gonna be fucking touching themselves. Really? Yes. Why, because I'm wearing gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie.

I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie. I'm not gonna lie going to be a heterosexual. Yeah, nobody's going to jerk themselves off to a fucking sexist. No one masturbates to me on Magnum PI. You're on Magnum PI? Yeah. The original? No, the new one. You think I would work with Tom Selleck, you asshole? I would love that.

That'd be cool. That would be very cool. No, man. I'd jerk off to that. Anyway, I did 12 episodes. What was my favorite show to do? You going to Hawaii for that? Yeah.

Those are the good days. Wasn't it canceled? That's you? Wow, you were playing a Hawaiian, huh? You're versatile. You could play Hawaiian. You could play Mexican. You could play Down Syndrome.

You could play Adrian. Adrian, Adrian. Yes. You know, because Ari is not fascinated by Hollywood at all. I know he's not fascinated by Hollywood at all. I know he's not. That's one of the things I like about him. Yeah.

He has no respect. He has no respect of it. He thinks that when I do this kind of stuff that it's like dumb. I'm pretty sure it's a lot of fun. But he's on your show, so he's like using your Hollywoodness. But I knew him before he was accepted in Hollywood. Exactly.

He broke me on a rehab. I knew him because he was this sketch actor who was shitting his pants on TV. I literally learned a lot from you. I actually learned more than I knew. I know. Do you respect people that have done stuff or no? Yeah, why not?

See, that doesn't sound like it. But like respect them how? I'm not fascinated by famous people. When I opened for Louis in Israel, what's his name, I did Pulp Fiction, was there. Tarantino. I was so turned off by him I left. Oh really?

Yeah. Wait, wait, Louie. CK. Uh huh. He directed her special. Oh he did? And he produced it. You did?

Amazing. He put out all the money, I didn't even know if he was gonna get it back. He put up all the money. I wasn't even gonna pay him back. Yeah. You didn't know that. Wow.

Yeah, I believed in her. So Louie and the Tarantino, why didn't you say hi to him? He was just like talking and I found him annoying and I just walked away. Oh. She's the greatest director of all time. But I don't care. I'd rather talk to someone that's nice.

You still gotta be good in conversation. Yeah, I found him annoying. Oh no, it could be a baboon, I would try. No, no, he was talking about like. What's your next movie? Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. I would try to do it. Yeah, that's him. No, he was talking about like. What's your next movie? Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo. I would try to do it. No, he's talking about.

What do you mean that's me? You're a suck up to Hollywood. Fuck you. Even when someone's being like dumb, you're like, oh, I love you. Yeah, like Michael Bay comes. He came a couple weeks ago. And I brought him in.

When Carrie Mitchell calls, you answer the call. He was referring to what? Tell him. Sex and the City, the reboot. Yeah, he saw me in that. He's been saying that. Honestly, I liked you in that. Thank you so much. You were the only thing I liked in it.

What's her name, Carrie what? Carrie Mitchell? No, not Carrie Mitchell. Carrie Bradshaw. Carrie Bradshaw, yeah. I'll do it again. Yeah. Thanks for meeting me.

When Carrie Bradshaw calls, you accept the call. Is that your line? Is that close to it? It's similar to that, but the way you say it, dude, but the way you say it though, dude, it burns a fucking hole in my soul. Straight, legitimate impression of what you did. Yeah, yeah, okay, can I say this though?

Sure. You think that was my first take? You don't think that they're like, say it like this? You had the worst takes that they cut out You put a guy I hate you dude, I love you so that's a testament to acting though. Thank you so much Yeah, let's go back down there. I'd be able to do it. Yeah, I think you yeah I don't think you would because if you walked out of Tarantino I'm actually here giving a nose story was so off-putting to me He's talking about porn and how he liked this girl

and porn and how he got to fuck her. And I was like, who cares? You're like a millionaire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Millionaire, he gives a shit. Yeah, but if I said that story. But he wanted us to be like impressive. I was like, I'm so impressed.

If I said that story, would that impress you or no? No. Okay, but I would never tell that story. No, but that's what I mean. Like I was not impressed by him at all. He was talking about something that was like unimpressive. But if I said that I did that to AOC, would that be impressive?

Yes, that would be impressive. Let me name some women to see if that would be impressive. Did you? No. You could get her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's cute. Yeah.

You should, you should. Oh yeah, yeah, I would, I would, but there's no way she would. Why? More like A-O-Lee. I think, I mean, I don't think I'm too, I'm not, what? A-O-Lee?

That's good. I think I'm too in the middle for her. What do you mean, like politically? Like I kinda maybe lean right in her opinion or whatever. She was a bartender. Oh that's true. She fucked clients. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What about if I said that I had sex with, Ooh yeah. What? I'm excited about this. Helen Mirren. Yes. Now? Yes, now.

No, no, no, no, now. Now, Yes, now. No, no, no, no. Now, now, now. Her bones. Yeah, now. Yeah. If I jammed her bones, is that a body? She's still alive. Is Helen Mirren still alive?

She's just old. Oh yeah, okay, yeah, yeah, now. I wonder if you went down on her. Oh, I thought she had died. No. What are we looking at? The claw game. Wait, wait, going down on older women like that. Hey, Ari, is then who's what Helen Helen Keller? No, no, no, yeah

She's some fucking old bitch actress. Don't say that dude. She was she's a dame. She could play the Queen of England now Yeah, she's a game and she's talented and go fuck yourself there. She's a dame. Yeah, does that mean woman? No I thought a woman of night get knight the night. Don't people get knighted? Knighted? When some people get knighted, women is the knighted, female knighted. Isn't that what? Oh! Back in the day though. So you'd be impressed if I did that. Yeah, that's a pull, bro.

That's a pull. Now I've never done eight older, you know what I mean, private parts. Do you think they taste the same? I think as long as it's clean. I think it does. I think it probably tastes the same. Yeah, it's a bit curdled, but like a good blue cheese.

No, no, no, no, that's not curdled. No, do you remember stickers that used to smell back in the day and then you go back years later and has like less of a smell? I think that's what it probably is. You still have to scratch it? You still scratch it. I smell a little bit, but it's faint.

I think it's a fainter smell. You both just seem like people that don't wear perfume or cologne. I do. Okay, what are you wearing? Juliet has a gun or something. Oh, that's not cool. You don't wear anything.

Do you? Oh yeah, what? All I do is collect. I have thousands of bottles of perfume and cologne upstairs. That's all I spend my money on. Yeah, I wear white rice. I gave you the white rice? Wait, that's really a cologne? It's a real cologne. No, I gave him white rice. Can I put some on right now? It just. I gave you the white rice? Yeah. Wait, that's really a clone.

It's a real clone. No, I gave him white rice. Can I put some on right now? It just rolls around. Do you have white rice on you? No. Oh, yeah. Can you go get some from his room?

I wonder what it smells like. Yeah, well, go upstairs and by the kitchen. And if there's a candy bar, just grab it. By the kitchen. If you go by this kitchen, the table, there's a few in the middle of the table. And get about four or five. Yeah, and if you see a candy bar. Yeah, I gave him white rice.

A tribute to Vietnam's cultural symbol of livelihood. Yeah, you know how I feel about the Vietnamese. Sorry, I had to give it away. I hate them, does it wait? Yeah. Okay, I love them. Well, dude. You're the first, you helped me realize what an Asian was.

What do you mean? Korean, I could never pick out the Asians. Yeah. But I saw you and Margaret Cho and I saw the similarities in your faces. What are the similarities? This is so unfair. Wait, are you Korean?

I don't like the way you said that, but yes. I think of them all the same. I know, but there's not. I went like that because I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure which one you were. It wasn't like I'm- Maybe change your unsure face. No, my unsure face is always that.

No, no, change your unsure face because it's a little- That's also my rape face. I'm not sure. I can't change it. I can't change it. So because it's a little. That's also my rape face. Because I'm unsure. I can't change it. So when you see a Filipino pants and a Korean, right?

It looks Mexican. Yeah, right, but do you feel the same when you look at a Korean and a Filipino? I don't know. You don't have any opinion about it? I don't care either way. I'm not like upset. You're not upset about it? Would you penetrate somebody that? Yeah, I like't know. You don't have any opinion about it? I don't care either way. I'm not upset. You're not upset about it?

Would you penetrate somebody that? Yeah, I like browns. That's great. That's amazing. You don't like brown. I don't mind him. I just could help. He doesn't mind it, which is like saying.

With any kind of brown? I've never seen you with brown. Do you count with brown? Yeah, yeah, I'm brown. That's one of the reasons I'm with New York. Yellow. Oh, hey. That's one of the reasons I moved to New York. What am I? Yellow. Oh, hey.

Nice, that's Dallas coming at you. Damn. No, Ari had sex with a black girl that was like British and very white-ish. Remember that girl? Mulatto. They call them mulattos? Yeah, Allison.

She had that makeup here. She had the makeup here. She had like gauges in her face. Ooh, she had a ponytail. Yeah, have you done full? Full lot. Black. Yeah, of course. Bro, that's all she dates. That's not all I date. She had a ponytail. Do you have you done full? Full lot. Black. Yeah, of course.

Bro, that's all she dates. That's not all I date. She never dates whites. That's not true. Traitor. That's not true. Traitor. I'm dating a white now.

It's of note. What did you say to me? It's like interracial dating. It is like interracial dating. It's like when you dated a Korean and everyone felt like this is interracial. That's what I felt like? Yeah.

Why? It's just like I've never seen you with one. Yeah, but I did. Well, that's proof. Hence, you know what I mean,racial. That's what I felt like? Yeah. Why? It's just like I've never seen you with one. Yeah, but I did, well that's proof. Hence, you know what I mean, he knows, I had dated a Korean. You know her name. Yeah, Patti Lee. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Might have been related. There's no way to tell. Yeah, and that was- Might have been the same person, to be honest. Do you find that Korean girls like you or white girls are more attracted to you? Which girls like you the most? I feel white girls like me more than Korean girls. Yeah. Yeah. So here we go

So that was called the woody office of daddy. Yeah There we go. We got a Store a scuggin Oh moon milk moon milk. Yeah. Yeah, this is a W hotel no This is soul. Yeah. CEO. Wait, where's the white rice? He has the white rice.

Tokyo. I gave it to him, I didn't like it. On my body. And that's not like, that's like a. Dead cool. That's a bullshit one, but anyway. Yeah, so do you wanna spray one on? Yeah, what do you think, what is my personality?

I think Moon Milk. That's Moon Milk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think these two right here are too Asian for you. Ooh. Too Asian for me? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Too Yeah, yeah. I think these two right here are too Asian for you. Too Asian for me? No, the two bottles there are too Asian for you. What would Lawrence wear? Who the fuck's Lawrence?

Lawrence Hart, number one commercial agent in Los Angeles. I can't believe it. He's the best. I heard that name. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Lawrence Hart is the number one commercial agent in Los Angeles. You're doing another one.

Yeah. He still technically reps me, Lawrence Hart. Me too. I love him. What's his agency again? Aqua. Aqua Talent. Aqua Talent.

You know how many fucking clients I brought him? A lot. You bring him a lot of money. I probably have his rosters from me probably. I used to just go, you want a commercial agent? Just randoms. Any of the weirdos at the comedy store? Oh yeah.

Guess what? You're never gonna work in acting. But there is a lane for you. And it is IT guy in his Coca-Cola commercial. Like Kevin Christie. Yeah, yeah. But he can act. He can act, yeah.

He's been in stuff. But all the freaks and the weirdos. Yeah. It was like, oh, commercials is all your thing. Yep. I didn't spray on any today. You work cologne. do chicks like it? If it smells good.

It smells good, it worked. It's also, it's like my natural scent. What is it? It's strong. Yeah, yeah. My natural. Yeah. You're autistic too, so you're really smelling it.

Yeah, I'm really smelling it. Well, I go to a place called the Scent Room on Larchmont, and I like to experiment, go down there. Do you ever make your own scent? I wanted to make one called the Bird Flu. And have the bottle be- You could make billions of dollars off that. What would the bottle be?

Have the bottle be just a blue bird that's dead, and the smell, it's just my own unique smell, but I call it bird flu. What do you think? I like it. You think so? Yeah, I'm like it. Maybe two versions of it and they just sell that.

Man and woman? What's the one version? Maybe a male, you know how they have angel for men, angel for women? Maybe the same similar smell, but make the female one a little sweeter, maybe. Yeah. Yeah. And then they make the male version a little bit more oakier and Yeah, yeah. And then to make the male version

a little bit more oakier and woodsy. Do it opposite, reverse. You think I should do reverse? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, I don't like my natural scent. I never have. Cover it up.

Yeah. What do you feel like you smell like? I think I smell like squid. Not because of Squid Games. Not because of Squid Games, but I think. That's racist. I'll tell you why. That's super racist. Yeah, that's very racist. You think of squid games, but I think. That's racist. I'll tell you why. That's super racist.

Yeah, that's very racist. You think I'm racist against Koreans? Yeah. No, I'm saying I. I'm not saying all Koreans smell like squid. Whoa. What the fuck? No.

I'm seeing the Koreans. Yeah, yeah, what I'm fucking saying is this, okay? Yeah. This is what I'm saying, dude. Okay. Growing up, right, I didn't spit on you, dude. That's offensive. Oh, but I'm smelling squid now.

Okay, yeah, yeah. When I was growing up, my mom would. I'm smelling squid now. Okay, yeah, yeah. When I was growing up, my mom would hang squid all over the house. Okay. Okay. And so it's like, and I know that smell, I'd wake up with it. Squid are very smart, very intelligent. They're dried.

They're dried, it's not. They're not alive squid, just like in the house. Oh no, I'm just saying, I was saying in general. Yeah, yeah. So they would dry squid, so it's like, get it like that. That was my fucking house. Wow.

So you would like, and I would wake up with it, so I always thought that I smelled like that. Gotcha. So I would go get, back in the day, like, Drakkar. Drakkar, that's what I was. Ooh, my dad was. Cool water. Cool water, that's the best man's clock. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I thought Drakkar was the best, and cool water was number two, and that's it. That's it. What about Curve? Old Spice. Curve for men. Curve was good. Now Curve. Angel for men was okay, it. That's it. What about Curve? Old Spice. Curve was good. Angel for Men was okay too. That came around, oh you know.

I don't know any of those. Issey Miyake, do you remember that? No. That's when like maybe 15 years ago, when you know like the Japanese were getting into the game or whatever, they're like, I'm gonna get Issey Miyake, dude. You know what I mean? Yeah.

You know what you smell like? You know what he smells like? You ever been around like five day old pancakes? The greatest interjection ever in a conversation. That's actually better than squid. I would take pancakes with squid. Who's around five day old pancakes? Who at day two doesn't go,

oh, these gotta be thrown out. You never smell five day old pancakes? I have not. I have not. That's what you smell five day old pancakes? I have not. That's why you smell like sweet, but you know not. Pancakes can be sweet, that's actually not bad. It's better than squid. Anyway. Wow.

Adrienne, I wanna say, I never, so the first time I met you, do you remember? We had a conversation. At the Comedy Cellar? At the Cellar. Yes. And yeah, I was a little nervous. I know, and I was like, why?

Everyone loves you. I know, but it's not my room. Yeah, I know. But that's how I feel about rooms in LA. It's not my room either. Yeah, it's both nervous. It's not familiar. It's not familiar.

The crowds are a little different, maybe, we think. Yeah. Less actors in the audience. Excuse me? Less actors in the audience. More like tough guys. In New York. It depends, a comedy cellar now can be pretty European.

It depends, it can be a mix of stuff. Wait, so you're there, you meet her, and what? We're at the bar. We're at the bar, and... What do you drink? Was it the night where Louis and Chris Rock were there, or no? Yes, I think it was.

Yeah, yeah. So there was the, you know that main table back in the, Yeah, the comics table. The big, yeah. But you were so shy. So I went up to it, because in my mind I was like, oh, I wanna go hang out with the big comics table.

And I went up and I see Mark Marin, and I'm like, oh, I can do it. He's a friend. But then I see that Louis and Chris are there. And Mark looked at me as if, don't come. He played the saddest card. I think Mark did this. Really?

I think in my mind. Louis would have been really nice to me. So I went eee and I went the other way. Too nerve wracking. Right, so I sat next to you I think. Yeah, right at the bar. And you were so nice to me. Yeah, I'm pretty nice.

But no, nicer than, what? Beside her prickly demeanor and... I think I also could tell you felt uncomfortable there and I've been there before and I know what that feels like. Right, I think that you did. When I was new there, instead of going up straight through the... I would go downstairs through the hallway and then upstairs so I could come out right by the comics table

so I could quickly glance and pretend to go the other way. Because it's too embarrassing to go right there and then turn around. Right, if you walk there. Wow, you have a system. Yeah. Student people I didn't know. Yeah. They're comfortable. and pretend to go the other way. Because it's too embarrassing to go right there and then turn around. You can come up right there and then like. Wow, you have a system. Yeah, student people I didn't know. Yeah. They're comfortable.

And I would think you would never be uncomfortable anywhere. I was so uncomfortable, always. Wait, now is there a table there that you would be uncomfortable going? Where, the cellar? No, the cellar, like the people. I know one of the cellar. Where?

The black table. Oh, I like the black table. Where Monroe and Derek hang out. No, I like hanging out with them. black table. Oh, I like the black table. Remember when Ro and Derek hang out? No, I like hanging out with them. They're loud, but I like them. Yeah. Mm. I also, for some reason, and this is wrong of me,

and I feel, the last time I did it, it was, I felt ashamed. At the cellar? Yeah, can I tell you what I did? Oh, yeah, what'd you do? For some reason, when I'm there, I feel like I have to bow, do a slight bow in a double handshake Michael Shea

Why I don't know why I for some reason I don't even think he would like that I do it every time you show us on our yeah So what I do is I'll be talking to everyone in the right and then I'll be like, you know I mean, you know people that I know and whatever and then I'd like in my prif. He's at another table I'll be Michael, you know, people that I know and whatever, and then I'll be like, in my Prif, he's at another table. I'll be Michael Che. Yeah, yeah, right there. There's a hoodie. Yeah, there's a hoodie.

Right. So then I'll do, and I'll kind of walk in and go, I don't think you should do it. And every time I walk by, I go, I always say something like, put your hand, I gotta say hi to you. Oh my God, that's so embarrassing, Bobby. Don't do that.

You don't have to do that. Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure? You don't have to do that. Be more respectful. You should not do that. Unless you're fucking with him and keep doing it.

Right. No, no, no, I'm not fucking with him. You have to keep doing it now to make it seem like you are fucking with him. No, I gotta stop doing it because, and then he came to the comedy store. But Steve Coley doesn't like it. And he came to the comedy store

and I did something even weirder. What did you do? I did something even weirder. What did you do? I did something even weirder. Here we go, one more time. So yeah, yeah, so he was in a circle by the kitchen, and I waited patiently. What are you looking at, dude?

Looking at you. If you slam me right, no, you're not in this scene. You're not in the sketch, dude. I'm watching. Close your eyes. You're the bartender. Yeah, you're the bartender. Bar back. Right, so I waited patiently until he was done

with his conversation and go, excuse me, Mr. Shay, you can go up whenever you want to. You know, the club's open to you. You said that? Yeah. Oh. And he goes, no, man, I'm just hanging out. I go, okay.

And I walked away. If I'm Michael Shay, I'm like, wait, do you still work here? Why did you do that? Did you buy the still work here? Why did you do that? Did you buy the club? What? Why did you do that? Why did you do that? Because in my mind, you know what I mean?

Because every time I see clips, you know, he's doing the weekend update on SNL, and I'm trained as being a mad TV person to be their bitch. Right? So every time I'm around any of them, I go, excuse me, Amy Poehler. Stop doing it. as being a mad TV person to be their bitch. So every time I'm around any of them, I go, excuse me, Amy Poehler. Stop doing it. Would you like to, you know what I mean?

Oh, right. Yeah, I was conditioned to do that. So when I see Michael Che, I go, should I? So I think I'm gonna change it by going, I'll change it, go ahead, Michael Che again. Ready? Wait, am I talking now? Yeah, you're Che, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. What up? Is that better? I mean, it is better. It is actually better. It's horrible, but it's better. That's all I wanna know, is it better? Is it better?

Is it better? You've started the progress. So there's no one that you give respect like that to? That I bow to? Not bow, but I'm Korean. So it's not like a full, it's more of a, you know what I mean respect like that to. That I bow to? Not bow, but I'm Korean. So it's not like a full, it's more of a, you know what I mean, like a courtesy. It's our wave.

I don't know. I walked away from Quince and Tarantino. Yeah, yeah, you're right, you have no but. I would just say hi, but like, yeah, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

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at Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly, all lowercase. Go to Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly to upgrade your selling today. Shopify.com slash Tiger Belly. Yeah, I don't know. Yeah. I met George Carlin and I had to get him a sandwich from Greenblatt's. Yeah. And he's doing the store. And I was like, here's your sandwich, Mr. Carlin and I had to get him a sandwich from Greenblatt's. He's in the store.

I was like, here's your sandwich, Mr. Carlin. He goes, first of all, it's George. Relax. That's cool. That's cool. And he gave me 20 bucks. I'm like, no, the store paid for it. He goes, I know. I'm so glad you said that. I was working the back door when he used to come. And one year he goes, what's your name? And I go, well, I'll be Lee. And then like he didn't say anything for the next week. But the next year I was working the back door again.

And he came up to me and he doesn't stop. He goes, Mr. Lee and he's walked by. And he remembers his last name. What a respectful, I always remember that. Also, I mean, Lee is like a pretty good shot anyway. Like even if he's wrong. It's a gamble. It's a gamble, but like.

It's a gamble, yeah. He might not have known he was just being racist. Yeah, all right, right, right. He was trying to insult you and he accidentally got it right. Right, right. Well, in my mind, he remembered, okay? I'm sure he did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's cool. Yeah. And then, do you remember when- It's like going Mr. Sanchez for fucking any Latino. Yeah, do you remember when Priors to come in back in the day? No, he was gone before I got there. Oh really?

Yeah, yeah. He was in his wheelchair and he'd go up, he would bomb so bad. You know what I mean? What did the audience do? I mean, he gave him respect, obviously. Richard Pryor, you know what I mean? But it's like, wow, he had a booger on his nose once.

I remember Freddie like wiping the booger on stage. You know what I mean? That's respectful. Yeah, very respectful. To eat it, that would be respectful. He's like, he must be a prior. You don't respect prior? No, I do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You gotta respect people like that. Yeah, but also at the same time, what a chance to fuck with somebody, put a spoke in his wheel. Right, right. Or stick dirt in his mouth. Stick dirt in his mouth.

Yeah. Put a booger on his nose. Yeah. It's not even his booger. Maybe that's what Freddy did. He goes, let me wipe it off, it really stuck one in there. In middle school, there was a guy that had, It's like dirt in his mouth. It's like dirt in his mouth. Yeah. Put a booger on his nose. Yeah. It's not even his booger. Maybe that's what Freddy did. He goes, I'm gonna wipe it off, it really stuck one in there.

In middle school, there was a guy that had, in a wheelchair, and his mouth was constantly open, right? And he was like, I don't know what the disability is, but kids used to put fucking dirt in his mouth, right? Yeah. And I used to dig it out with my fingers. That's actually very nice of you. But then I would put Skittles in it.

That's nice. Yeah, it's better. It's better. It's like same it. That's nice. That's better Michael chay thing bad, but better Yeah, yeah, so it's like, you know, um, do you guys think that you're as you get older you're improving in sex I Think you kind of just become more who you are. You care a little bit less. I would say maybe yeah There's not a move that you do that.'re like, oh that's pretty good or whatever. Not every move works on everyone.

You could have a move that works on one guy and then you do it and he's just like, oh that does nothing for me. That's true. As you get older you're better at reading it. You're better at reading it. Yeah, so you're like, I don't have just one move, I have like 30.

You have 30 moves? Well, yeah maybe not. Yes, 30 moves. Yeah, there's when I watch porn I take notes. That's a lot of moves dude., yeah, maybe not. Yes, 30 moves. Yeah, because when I watch porn, I think, no. That's a lot of moves, dude. It might have been 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah, maybe 10 moves. Maybe, you fucking bullshit, 30 moves.

Maybe 10, dude. Maybe five moves. Give me five moves, Ari. All right, number one, missionary. Missionary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Number two, cowgirl. Number three, reverse cowgirl. Number two, cowgirl. Number three, reverse cowgirl. Number four, doggy.

Standing up, holding them up while I'm standing. Okay, I'll give you that, standing. One leg up standing. That's still standing. That's still standing. They're both laying. Oh yeah, when you're waving standing, is that a different move?

A waving standing, pointing up standing, right? Thumbs up standing, all moves. You're standing standing, is that a different move? A waving standing, morning up standing, right? Thumbs up standing, are they all moves? You're standing, asshole. How about this, I'm above, spit in the eye, spit in the eye. That's not a move, dude. You're making it up. That's cold fucking. It is a move, I think, it's not a good one.

I like him dry. I think it's illegal. I like him dry. Okay, all right. Punched him in the rib. Punch him in the rib, there you go, Mr. Sanchez. Garcia. Garcia.

Let you slide this time. You know those things. Like 70 sex relationships. Yeah, so you know 50 of them. Bobby, are you dating? Nobody. Nobody. Yeah, yeah.

You know, I find, um, what? Go ahead. No, you go, you were gonna say something rude. Go ahead. No. I can tell.'re gonna say something rude, go ahead. No. I can tell. It's gonna be serious. Be serious with me, dude.

We've been friends for over 30 years. Over 25 years. 25 years, let's be friends. Yeah, I think you need a girlfriend. I know, me too. I want you to have a girlfriend. Yeah, me too. So kind of being just like hot young chick.

I know, me too. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's be serious. Let's be serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you turned into a joke, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's be serious. Let's be serious. Let's be serious, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You turned into a joke, dude. Okay, yeah. I don't do comics. How are you gonna get a girlfriend? What do you mean how? I've done it before. You did it a decade ago. But you still did it.

I still did it, and also, I've been seeing women since, you try it out, right? It's a trial period, and you kind of go, ah, you know, it's not gonna work. Okay, you try it out, right? It's a trial period and you kinda go, ah, you know, it's not gonna work. Okay, can I give you some advice? Oh my God. From a chick.

Well hold on, let me drink this, let me finish it. Okay, and I mean this sincerely and not her fault. Let me finish this please, thank you. Okay. Could this advice help me too? No. No, damn it. Because he's aged and I'm'm still young oh what is wrong with you today you know you're so confrontational with me no I'm saying

she's gonna give you advice but I don't know that you can apply it to you too though just apply to you listen back in yeah by the way I have a new Netflix special out called America's Sweetheart Thank you so much for promoting it. Okay, go ahead. Okay, can you stop taking girls to Hawaii? No, and take them to Ohio. Offer to take them somewhere undesirable to see if they really like you. That's a good idea. If we're gonna do that, let's go somewhere even worse then.

Pittsburgh. Yeah, Pittsburgh's pretty bad. Dayton, Ohio's pretty bad though. Yeah, yeah. How about... Will you come with me to Dayton? Corpus Christi, it's so muggy and thin. Absolutely, I want you to take girls there. All right, yeah, if they're willing to go with you there.

That means they really like you. Okay, it's not a free trip, it's responsibility, and they're willing to do it. That's a good idea. They wanna spend time with you. So, hey baby, what's up? Are you good? What you doing?

No, what? Are we good? What you doing? No, what? Are we good? What did you, are you Mark Maron? Hold on, this is not how I talk. Okay. Fuck you, dude. I'm sorry, start over. Let me get in the mood.

Fuck you, dude, that's how I talk. Wow, confrontational. Yeah, dude. This is not the way to endear yourself to chicks. No. Yeah. What's up, baby, baby? No, it's better. It wasn't, though. It wasn't. It was a lot better. endear yourself to chicks. No. Yeah. What's up baby, baby? No, it's better.

It wasn't though. It wasn't. It was a lot better. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I'm just trying to figure out how you bring, you wanna go, have you been to Corpus? You just say, hey, you wanna come away with me this weekend and then you take them to all the places.

And then they're like. You don't tell them where they're going? You don't tell them where they're going. No, you gotta. They have to know where they're going. They're gonna ask. Otherwise they go, oh, I would not have. The outfits that they bring.

Okay, fine. Don't they bring outfits? They can bring one outfit. Otherwise they go, oh, I would not have. The outfits that they bring. Okay, fine. Don't they bring outfits? They can bring one out. Yeah, how about that, like, hey, I'm going to Corpus Christi this weekend. Do you wanna come? Why are you going there?

I'm working, I'm doing a show. You wanna come there? No. I wouldn't play Corpus Christi. Okay, you just wanna go there then. No, it should be not working. It's gotta be like, this is a vacation. So would you like to go on vacation with me?

Can't you just say, let's go there? Let's go to Corpus Christi. And they go, why? And then what do you say? I wanna test you. I wanna spend time with you. I wanna spend time with you. Yeah, then she goes, why can't we go to Hawaii?

Who wants to go to Hawaii? Too many distractions. Oh, that's right. Everyone wants to go there, that's why. Hey, go ahead. There's a Korean restaurant I heard about there that I wanna try. That's what that fucking...

Something like that. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Find out all cool things you do in corporate and then make that, that's why you're here. You like eating crawdads? Sure. Yeah, yeah, they have a crawdad bowl. I've never eaten one, but I've heard about it.

I've never eaten a crawdad bowl there, dude. And it's raw and vegan. Say there's a protest going on, you want a protest. Oh yeah. Yeah, we're staying at a suite in the residence inn. All right, oh, even do all of it low. Yeah, yeah, I didn't even say that really nicely. And the food, like canes, we're just gonna eat at canes.

I don't know, whatever, yeah, regular food. Let's get you a girl that likes you for you. And then take her to Hawaii after. Yeah, when she proves it. When she likes you, and you guys are having a nice time together and you're in a relationship. It's funny that you brought that up

because you listened to a private story that I told you guys, and you guys brought that up. Oh God. I would not have brought it up. I was like, It's very interesting that I was intimate with you. I was not gonna bring it. In an intimate space and I go,

this is what's going on with me. Wait, you're actually not who told you. I'm not who told you? No. Yeah, yes! I would never share something like that. Who was it? It had to be you. I don't think it was

It would have what they'd tell me who it was can't all fair Well, we'll bleep it will bleep it but tell me what is did the mouth thing just yeah because now you kids I want to see if you're lying. Yeah, yeah, they betrayed. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So who was it? I wouldn't have said it on air. I know what I'm saying. I was like, he's going to cut it out. No, no, we're not cutting that out. We're not cutting that out.

We didn't say enough. That's it. So what I'm saying is, I tell you, you fucking cocksucker. I was like, ah, about to talk to it. No, no, no, an intimate story that happened to me, and then you share it with, I'm sharing an intimate story about my friend who's going through it, and I was like,

I just feel bad for him. He didn't say it in a bad way, he genuinely cared about you. I know, but what I'm sharing an intimate story about my friend who's going through it and I was like, I just feel bad for him. He didn't say it in a bad way, he genuinely cared about you. I know, but what I'm saying is that, but here's what you did. Yeah, yeah, you brought it into the atmosphere. Honestly, I thought everyone knew. No, not everyone.

So, Luis Gomez brings everyone to Jamaica and I thought that was your thing. Okay, let me ask you about, let me ask about Luis Gomez, okay? He texted me today. Oh, whoa. I know, is that bad? I could go on him today.

All right, so he- I thought that was a known thing. I've never even, I've talked to him once in my life. Did he say, what's up with Hawaii? And it goes. He's like, do you have a good place I could start bringing my chicks to? It could all be cooler.

That'd be so cool, dude. He goes, hey dude. Sounds so good, sounds like Louis so far. Pretty good? Yeah. You available? That always scares me. Oh, Skankfest, you want to do Skankfest?

No. Oh. To do mine and Big J's podcast, Story Wars, at the Comedy Store. Oh, it's fun, yeah. You should do that. What is it? Oh, so you come with like,

It's like a game show. They give you a topic, like Halloween, and then you like have a few, like one minute stories about Halloween and then they take out all the details and they say it and then you have to guess whose story it is. And then everyone just on it. So if it'd be like, so if it was fun,

yeah, if it was like I was walking along walls, I don't know, like I was in a museum, then everyone gets rude, like it would never be her, she's uncultured, she'll never go to a museum. Oh, that's a fun, that's fun, that's fun. Even if it is, you're like, what the fuck's that supposed to mean? If he wanted to do his own podcast, I'd say no, but that's fun. You look like you've been doing a museum. Oh, that's a fun, that's fun. Even if it is, you're like, what the fuck's that supposed to mean? If he wanted you to do his own podcast,

I'd say no, but that's fun. You look like you've been doing a museum, by the way. I could do, yeah. You look like you've been to a museum. We've been to museums together. He doesn't look like he's been doing a museum. Yes, I have. Which one?

Doing landscaping? Yeah. That's fine. Yeah, also, why are you working today? I know I'm supposed to be off, but he called me in. You know what today is? A day without immigration. Black History Month? No, no, day without, a day without a Mexican? No, yeah, day without a immigration. Immigrants. Immigrants. What? A day without immigrants? Yeah, so today everyone is not working.

You're not an immigrant. Even Hispanics that are helping, you know what I mean? Where were you born? I support the cause. What, I can't say that? No, you can say whatever you want. Viva la raza. You were born in Mexico. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Were you born in Mexico? No.

You were born in America? Yeah. You're not an immigrant? I know. So you're abiding, day without an immigrant. You don't have any. Oh, that's right. Yeah, good.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Where to abide? So it's like, oh, so I thought it was all Hispanics, but I guess it's not. I mean, you gotta support your people. That's what I'm saying. I think people are doing it to support their brothers. What about the Chinese immigrants?

Too many of those, am I right? Yeah. I'll give you that one. We don't get enough credit for fucking up this place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are there a lot of Chinese? How about, wait till I get off the elevator before you get on?

How about that? Yeah. That's also black people, though. That's also black people. No, when black people do it, well, not on speakerphone, on their phone. Yeah. I'm about to get on the elevator.

This white bitch trying to get off. Get back out of my fucking way. So I want to say something about you guys that's a little observation of mine. Okay. And I think me and Andrew Santino are, I don't think that we're as free as you guys and I'm going to tell you why. And it's changed, let me finish.

It's changing the way I perceive, you know what I mean, my own life and I want to change my ways and my behavior and the way I look at life based on you guys. Okay. All right. So am I clear about this? Okay. So I think what the cause of my pain in my business is my deep link with Hollywood. I've talked to you about that.

And I would look at you guys and there's more of a freedom, right? And whenever I think, you know what, fuck Hollywood, if I don't work again, I don't work again. It makes me so relaxed and my shoulders get loose and I just feel more bouncy and free. But when I think about, when I'm watching a trailer and I see Josh Peck on it or somebody that I know, I go, oh.

I don't know who that is. You don't know? Josh Peck? You don't know Josh Peck? Is that you? or somebody that I know, I go, oh, oh, oh. I don't know who that is. You don't know? Josh Peck. You don't know Josh Peck? Is that you? No. No.

How do you not know Josh Peck? I don't know Josh Peck either. Anderson Peck? He's a Disney star. Anderson Peck? No, Nickelodeon. Nick. Nick.

Fucking pedo. No, no, you don't know Josh Peck? No. He's a podcaster here in L.A. too. Of course he is. He's done our podcast. What's he wearing in his teeth, those fangs? Those are real. Oh, that guy from Josh, oh? No. He's a podcaster here in LA too. Of course he is. He's done our podcast. What's he wearing in his teeth, those fangs? Those are real.

Oh that guy from Josh, oh my gosh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, okay. He was also an Oppenheimer, he's killing it right now. He's doing different things. He'll never do anything as good as Josh and Drake. Let's be honest. Josh and Drake was great.

Yeah. Josh and Drake. Anyway, anyway, so. Look at that fat piece of shit. Hey, if you tell that guy, you're gonna have a long career. You're not gonna have a long life. You put the air off now, yeah.

Josh, I'm sorry, but let me give you the exact, I'm watching TV or a movie or something, and then I get back into like, what about my shit, right? But I look at you guys and I go, you know what? I think that's probably the path that I should be taking. I think you should do that, do what you're doing, and then just create your own stuff. You're a big enough person where you can create

your own project. Yeah, I have been doing that. You know, what Theo and Dave Spade are doing is fucking great. Here's what you should do. They've funded their own movie. Here's what you should do. You could do that.

Do your own stuff. You should do. Santino has got Business Sense. You've got Panache. You should do. Santino, he's got business sense. You've got panache. You know comedians. Make your own sketches of some point. You can star them, you can be just in them. You can just make something crazy out of the box

with no rules, not trying to please some housewife from Arkansas. Right, just do what you wanna do. You're just doing your own shit. You should also have a cartoon. Hollywood come to you, yeah, it's a cartoon. Do a cartoon. Yeah. Make a lot of money. Yeah, fuck that, yeah it's a cartoon. Do a cartoon. Yeah.

Make a lot of money. Yeah, fuck that dude. You're making a fun of me. Just do your own stuff. You're a big enough name or people will come to you. But I listened to an audio book last night. I didn't finish it. Maybe 30 pages in.

Who cares about that? I'm gonna tell you about it. Oh, okay. Now it's all about problems. Yeah. I listened to self help, but Braving the New World. self-help book, Braving the New World. Wait, hold on. Braving the New World?

Yeah, you heard of that? I've heard of it, but I never listened to it. Yeah, well, I want to see if I got it right here. Hold on, sorry. And so what does it tell you to be less concerned with like? Hollywood. No, I think it's called, yeah, it's called Braving the Wilderness.

Okay. Yeah, and. Um. Is your dick out bro Is he peeing? Yeah, his dick is out. He's peeing in the thing. I like Ari. The head of your dick is so big That's a good thing right? Yeah, it looks very healthy. I just I don't know what that Look I'm not looking but yeah, yeah It doesn't make you gay. No, I know

Cuz he's white if you looked at like a brown one you you gay. No, I know. Because he's white. If you looked at like a brown one, you're gay. Oh, yeah. I like Ari. The bathroom's right here. I like you too, buddy. You hear me, Bobby? What? I like Ari.

OK. He said he's not a pussy. He's a pussy. Oh, shit. Yeah. Ari? He's a pussy in Hollywood. Oh, shit.

I like this guy, too. Oh, it's Brene Brown. Yeah, yeah. Brene Brown. Go up to. I do love Brene Brown. Go up to. They're gone. Yeah, Brene Brown. Yeah, go up to, I do love Brene Brown. Go up to, They're not home. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Go up to Jaime right now with your penis out and just walk toward him please. No, no. Because he's being, his attitude's out of control. Oh my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hey, no, Jaime? There's always a dick out.

You wanna fuck with my friends, dude? You wanna fuck with me, dude? There's always a dick out. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not gay because he's white. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, he. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh my. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh my god. Anyway, zip that up. Come on, man. Come on, Jaime. That's when we're in Nashville, his ass is bleeding so bad.

Immigrant protest day, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Today's episode is brought to you by Mountain Valley Spring Water. If you're looking for something to piss into, the head of the thing is really fucking wide. Mountain Valley, look no further. Can you turn that off?

Yeah, it's off. All right. Let me say something. That kind of behavior though, why do you do that? Because we all reacted. If we stop reacting. Yeah, stop reacting. Because it's, you've been doing that for years.

I have been doing it for years. Yeah, yeah, pooing on my car, all that kind of stuff. Come on, guys. You shit on his car? No, I shit in a bag and gave it to someone to spread on his car. Oh, spread on his car. Who spread it?

Jim Painter. Yeah, Jim Painter, yeah. Justified. How much did you pay him? Nothing. Nothing. Oh. It was one of the worst nights of my life.

I have to be honest, your friendship is scary. Dude, I've just realized, I've learned a lot. My sense of humor has really developed from you. Pooping on stage, pissing in bottles. I don't poop on stage. Dude, you piss on cars. I'm trying to change my ways too, dude. Just be free.

I wanna be free, you're right, be free. Just be free. Like when you were pooping, I had that photo of you pooping on stage. We see it. What? At Skankfest? Yeah, at Skankfest, I have that photo.

How'd you get it? You weren't there. I was there that night. You don't know what? I was on Skank We see it. What? At Skank Fest? Yeah, at Skank Fest. I have that photo. How'd you get it? You weren't there. I was there that night. I was on Skank Fest that weekend. Yeah, you was. Really?

Yeah, I was there. Yeah, I didn't run into you. That room was so hot too. And everyone was like, you just smell like shit the whole fucking night. And what was there with Bargazzi? Oh yeah. Bargazzi brought me there.

Bargazzi is the only guy probably in history ever that has done Skank Fest and hosted S&L on the same week. That's insane. I'm not as free as I want to be. This reminds me of the time in private parts, the Howard Stern movie where he tells his wife, like, I think I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife.

I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife.

I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife.

I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. I'm going to be a good wife. seem like you do whatever you wanna do. I'm not as free as I wanna be free. This reminds me of the time in Private Parts, the Howard Stern movie, where he tells his wife, I think I'm gonna start going for it more. And she's like, you've not been going for it? What do you wanna do? I do feel like you do whatever you want. Yeah, I think-

You should definitely do a cartoon. No, we are doing one. You are? Yeah, me and Andrew sold one to Hulu. Amazing. It's hilarious. Yeah, let's move on from that, fuck that. I don't wanna, yeah, yeah. You shouldn't do it. Yeah, me and Andrew sold one to Hulu. Amazing. It's hilarious. Let's move on from that, fuck that. I don't wanna, yeah, yeah.

You shouldn't do it. Yeah, yeah. Because I know that you're going to London, what's your ultimate dream? I just wanna have a fan base and tour. That's all you want. Yeah. To be able to play places, pack it out, and that's it.

Total freedom, stand up, mic, stool, crowd, do whatever else you want. Fuck the stool. Fuck the stool if you want. I think that's it. Total freedom, stand up, mic, stool, crowd, do whatever else you want. You know what, do it. Fuck the stool. Fuck the stool if you want. I think that's what it is. But that's what you have. I know I have it.

Right. Yeah, I have it. You gotta focus on what you have. Maybe add like a G. Yeah, I think that's what it is. I think that's what it is. Focus on being grateful for what I do right now, listening to the Wilderness book.

Yeah. Tell me about the book, cause I love her. I love her background, tell mene Brown. Tell me about it. Well, there was a Maya, Maya Angelou told Brene Brown, be a tree planted by a river, do not move ever. Ooh, I love that. Yeah. What the fuck does that mean?

Black women have the best quotes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do not move. What? How's that? I kind of just beat the best quotes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do not move. What? How's anybody just don't move? I kinda just be who you are. Maybe I said it wrong. I got what you said though.

Yeah, yeah, I think, maybe I said it wrong. I don't know how this possible, you made Maya Angelou sound dumb. I know. I know. But you find out what the actual quote is. I'm starting to find it. But I got what he was saying.

She got it, you fucking asshole. What do you mean don't move? It means just be who you are. Just commit to it. Yeah, like, what? Like a tree planted by the river. I shall not be moved. It's the same shit.

So I said it wrong? Let anyone else move you. Let me say, like a tree planted by the river, I shall not be moved. That's better. But does that, now do you get it? Yeah. How is it my version different?

It's word choice. I know, but it you get it? Yeah. How is it my version different? It's word choice. I know, but it was the first time I heard it last night. Give me a fucking break, dude. Yeah. You're really hard on Bobby. Yeah, no, he really is. I am.

We razzed each other. Oh, I know, but you used to say things to me that was so out of bounds. It's insane, but anyway. We fucked. You're not talented and you're dumb. You know that, you're dumb, right? Wow, boring.

We were fighting, we were fighting. You're really dumb, you know that, right? Go fuck yourself, and you're dumb. You know that, you're dumb, right? Wow, sorry. We were fighting, we were fighting. You're really dumb, you know that, right? Go fuck yourself and you would walk away and I would like to think about it for like a week. Because if I'm fighting with you, I'm gonna say stuff, not even if I believe it, I'm gonna say what will hurt you the most. I know, you were like that.

That's how me and my family are. Really, you say the meanest things. Yeah. So you grew up with a lot of trauma and some hostility? Yeah. My mom was a standup. What. Your mom was a stand up. What? My mom was a stand up.

Your mom does stand up? Kind of, yeah. Wow. Wow. Which one are you drinking? This one. Okay. There's your computers.

Oh my. I find that there's two, I find that there's two, I feel like you're not in our camp. What? I think you and I suffered a mass amounts of trauma. He's really autistic though. I don't think you developed,

had trauma. I think he also had really loving parents and stuff too. I have trauma, I just moved past it. What's your trauma? Yeah, what's your trauma? I'm not a fucking bitch. The fucking holocaust? What?

I just don't bring it up. Just move past it. Yeah, but sometimes if you grew up around a lot of trauma, you just kind of internalize it and that kind of forms who You are as a person like give me one little ditty So we don't know about nothing. I think it always involves other people I didn't get raped like a fucking bitch, but even getting raped is nothing. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't get molested

No, I didn't say like a bitch, but like it nothing like that happened. Okay All right, like what's it something bad to you, like, do, do, do, do, do. No, one time I was making one of those make your own pizzas, and they give you the ingredients, you gotta put it all in there, spread the cheese, and then I got distracted, I left it in the oven too long, and it burned.

Right. Oh, that's what it was. I remember being a kid and telling my mother to drop dead, and then she said, you first. That's how I grew up. Oh, that's cool. You're trash. Yeah.

Oh, that's pretty cool. I was like eight. Yeah. I was so young. That's where I learned to be like that. I one time was looking for like something in the fridge, and my dad was like, it's right there. I'm like, you're crazy, it's not there.

He goes, don't ever say your father's crazy. Don't you ever say that. I was like, okay. Yeah. One time I went. Different upbringing. Yeah, different upbringing. A little bit Yeah. One time I went. Different upbringing. Yeah, different upbringing. A little bit different. One time I went, good morning daddy.

He goes, don't look at me. Ta, ta, ta, ta. That kind of stuff. That's worse. That's pretty worse. How about you? Me, one time I accidentally say, no wait, he had a supine traumatic,

which means like son of a bitch to your mom. And then what happened? Oh, because your dad wasn't around. Yeah, my mom was around. Aw. And my mom hit me. What does that mean though? Her dad of a bitch to your mom. And then what happened? Oh, cause your dad wasn't around. Yeah, my mom was around. Aw. And my mom hit me. What does that mean though? Her dad's a bitch.

Yeah, mom a bitch. You called her a bitch. No, her dad's a bitch. My mom's, oh wait, my mom's not a bitch, but I said. Her dad was a bitch. You called your own father a bitch. My dad was a bitch. Oh my God, dude.

Oh my God, dude. You flew him out here for this? I can't. Did you put him up in a hotel? We put him up in a hotel. Motel. Motel. Motel. That's not that bad though.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, it is. It's bad. She said don't tell. Don't tell. Yeah. Adrienne, do you like LA or no? Yeah, I don't mind it.

Could you live here? Maybe. She thought about it. She thought about moving here. I don't know if I'm gonna move here. You thought about it. I don't mind it. I think it's an easier lifestyle.

I think it is easier. You have to be, yeah. Like New York City, it's just like, you're just mad all the time. It's just disgusting. Your apartment's always breaking down and they're not doing anything about it. Yeah, there's, I mean, there's traffic here too,

but like New York City is just, you're constantly mad. You get hit in the foot by a rat on the way home and you're like, touch my fucking foot. It's just like. You get into a fight at like 7-Eleven. It's just you're fighting all, especially in the Bronx where I live, everyone's just mad all the time because you live in the Bronx.

But everyone's like, I mean, I don't, why do you live there because of stage time? I grew up there, I kinda don't know better. Oh, I see. I've lived there like, I'm like institution, what is it when you're institutionalized? You just like have been in there too long? Yeah, it's a hard way.

I come here and I have to like control my anger. I have to not act like an animal. Really? I have to not act like a god damn animal. You seemed pleasant even then when I talked to you. Yeah, I was probably acting. She just went to Portugal and everybody there was like, hi, what, what?

It was just weird. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you drink? No. Are you a sober person? Mm-hmm. I got her high one time. In the program? Are you a program sober or not?

I'm a program person. You are? Yeah, I go to multiple program things. You've drank? Yeah, but there's a lot of different stuff. I go for food, I go for shopping. There's so many different things I could be addicted to. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. I got a high one time in Somewhere.

Well, we've had a good couple of times that we've smoked and then. And she was just, because then we were in a diner talking and I was like, you know how. In New York or? Somewhere in Texas. Texas, awesome.

And I was like, this was before all the motherships, it was like 10 years ago. And I was like, who would you not kill in comedy, but who would you have never have existed? Oh yeah, the Seth McDonald., it was like 10 years ago. And I was like, who would you not kill in comedy, but who would you have never have existed? So you could like wipe them away. So no one misses them, no one goes, or you did this.

Well, I like this game. Does it have to be a personal thing or just in your? Whoever. Yeah, sometimes they're just like, ah, they're just lame. Oh God, okay. You have one? It would have been you at some point,

during our fighting times, I would have been like, Bobby, get rid of him. Even some people are just annoying in conversation. I'm like, ugh, beat it. Why, because I did nothing? Yeah, you did nothing. But I'm saying, it's not now anymore. Now I'd fight against it.

I did nothing. Fair, fair. What do you mean? You still, see, that's the thing. That's what I see. There's still 2% in there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You still believe that I had a hand of line.

I was way out of line. Way out of line! Yes. I'm not denying that. You assaulted me! I'm not denying that. There's no excuse for that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

For nothing! But it's not nothing. Yeah, yeah, what is the thing? I wasn't just Travis Bickle walking on the street beating people up. Close enough, though. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this over your ex-girlfriend still?

Yeah, yeah. You can't let it go. I let it go, I'm just saying it was not nothing. It's just a detail. It's like not nothing. A detail that you want me to break into Ron Peterson's fucking office. No, no, no, no. Steal emails. No, no, no, no. Like I'm Ethan Hunt or something.

That's the way to sell the password. What? You sell the password. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying. 3.1 million views. That got 3.1 million views and there's poop got a thousand. Yeah. Yeah. Come on. Anyway. 3.1. Okay, let's got a thousand. Yeah. Yeah. Come on.

Anyway, okay, let's, yeah, anyway, so who would you wipe off? Okay, so anyway, so she got in her head that I was gonna wipe her out. No, that wasn't it. What'd you get? I thought you wanted me to say stuff and you were gonna like tell people.

I thought it was like a big thing like that. That sounds like me. Yeah, and then I just like got really into my head about it. And then I also thought you were gonna rate me, but I had to say murder, because I know you don't like fat chicks. It was like a whole thing. So I kept saying the whole night you were gonna murder me,

even though I felt like you were gonna rate me, but I couldn't tell you that. I would convince her that I'm not gonna murder, but then it would like wash over that I was, so she was in a good mood, and she'd be like, oh, we're gonna. Remember when we were going back the wrong, like a different way?

I missed a turn, and she was like. Why are we were going back the wrong, like a different way? I missed a turn. I go, why are we going this way? Are you gonna kill me in that hotel? I'm like, no, I'm not. I'm gonna jump out of the car. I'm not gonna kill you, she goes, of course you'd say that. I'm like, no, I would say that.

Yeah, that is true, yeah. That is true. I'm gonna jump out of the car. Please do not jump out of the car. Who is it? Who's the dead guy you're gonna kill? I locked my, we were staying in Airbnb, I locked my door that night.

I locked my door too. Really? Because I could see her coming in and just stab me. I thought that was real. Because she's like gonna be like, it's gonna be you, not kill. I locked my, we were staying in an Airbnb, I locked my door that night. I locked my door too. Really? Because I could see her coming in and just stab me. I thought that was real. Because she's gonna be like, it's gonna be you, not me. I would never do that. I would have just taken a stab. I don't think either one of them would kill each other.

We just locked the doors. We just locked the doors. So who's the person you want wiped out? Um, oh man, there's so many. There are even people I like, but I'm like, they're annoying, get rid of them. Because they're not dead. That's why I'm afraid to say the one I wanna say.

Right. Because I don't want them to be wiped out. But it would be. You just don't want them in comedy? I just don't want them to exist. Okay, you want them dead. Yeah, it'd be like people who hog conversations in the green room.

I'd be like, get rid of them. Yeah, or they sit like this, you know what I mean, with their foot up. Beat it, never existed. And all the comics sit around them. Yeah, I mean. What's up? Yeah, like they're like, oh, oh yeah, who's like that? You throw it out, you throw it out.

It's a bad game we're going at. Yeah, it's a fun game. It's a fun game. Because everyone else has a way bigger following than me. We can bleep it out. Yeah, that's fun, you can put this like this and bleep it out. One time we were in the Vulcan green room,

the precursor of the mothership, and we went in there, and Rogan always has these big guests in, and they come late night. We're like, why are they in the green room? They're not coming. And we saw one of the Weinstein brothers, one of the smart ones,

and he was sitting on the floor on his side like this. Like a model? Yeah, with his feet up, like Tom Stehlik and that whatever. All right. And then me and Shane and Tony were in there, and we're like, oh, talking like, why is this homosexual sitting on his side? And they were talking about like journeys

and fucking smart stuff. And then we were just testing each other like pictures of like herpes. Yeah, yeah. It'd be like, Shane, Shane, Shane. And he'd be like. As they're talking about like quantum physics. And then he'd be like, Shane, be like, Tony, Tony, Tony.

Okay, I got one. Yeah. Is a pet peeve and I might go crazy next time. I hate it when you're a comic, you don't have a spot somewhere, but you're in the green room, just hanging out. What if it's someone you like though? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

You didn't say anything. You didn't say anything. No, I wouldn't know. You didn't say anything. I'm not done, no, I'm not done. Okay, go ahead. I'm not done, no. You didn't say anything. You didn't say anything. You didn't say anything, you mother fuckers. I'm not done, no, I'm not done. I'm not done, I'm not done, all right? Here's a comic, a comic that hasn't done spots

in that room for 20 years. And they say what? Right, a comic that just sits there all night long, they're not good enough to get spots, and they're just there, you know what I mean? It drives me crazy. They just show up. Yeah, yeah.

Where are you going up? I'm gonna throw, people leave this name up. I have no idea who that is. Do you know who that is? Yeah. Yeah, she goes to the comedy store, she sits in the green room all night long. The green room.

Wait, can you bring a picture up of her? I just wanna see her face. Yeah, she never has gotten a spot there in 25 years. She got a few spots when I was started. Oh, maybe, yeah, yeah, yeah. So 18 years. But she would never get spots, no one wants her there. And she's sitting there writing

and just being a part of it in the green room. Like why'd she come here to write? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But she wants to be a part of it. It's sad, it's really sad. She got into a fight with Dice once. She goes, you're a has-been. He goes, you're a never-was.

Ooh. Whoa! That's a good one, dude. That is a good one. You can't even find a photo online, right? We don't know how to spell her last name. Yeah, she's never made it. She doesn't have a following, and she'll just be in the green room,

in the main room, just writing. I was embarrassed to go to the comic store if I didn't have a spot that night, either there or at least I had done a spot somewhere else. Exactly, dude. I know, but now we're being cocky because we do get spots now. But even Bonapour is a regular.

I had at least had to do an open mic and then go there. I feel bad about it, but you know. Another one is, there she is again. Oh, wow, that's a. She looks like Madonna now. Yeah, Madonna could actually stop doing standup. Madonna could stop doing standup. If Madonna was talking about standup. She's at the comedy set. Yeah, I'd be stop doing stand-up. I'd agree with that. Madonna could stop doing stand-up. If Madonna was talking about stand-up.

She's at the comedy set. Yeah, I'd be like, you don't belong here. She was, she was at the comedy set like two months ago. Bleep, there's another one. I don't know who that is. You don't know who that is. Bleep, look up Bleep. You'll go like, honey, I'm here.

I go, what's up? He's like, can you try to help me get on? And I go, Steve, I want to say, why can't I be real and go. Just no chance. Just don't come here again? Yeah, it's embarrassing, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Will you guys know when it's done? That's the problem, you never know.

No, you do know. I think I would know. You would know? Would you know? When I was on the road with Louis, he was like, you have to tell me when I should quit. If it's like, if people are like. I was like, don't you want like Chris Rock to tell you?

He goes, no, because I want you to tell me. The lowest people will tell you. like Chris Rock to tell you goes no There's no never a time for him I know he's he's passed though I think he's passed the line we can do forever, but what if he stops making sense and he's just But that's not what I mean what I mean is like it's not gonna happen anymore, oh that's different. That's different Well, you're still telling jokes, you're still there. I thought you didn't like your, you lost it. Somebody asked me, I was doing like a screening of my new special America Sweetheart on Netflix. Which is very good.

I was doing Q and A's afterwards. Some guys like, hey, is there an age where it's too late to start stand up? And I was like, how old are you? You just started? He goes, yeah. And he goes, how old is he? 38.

And I go, yeah, buddy, there's no chance. That's not true. I'm like, you can do it as a hobby. No, that's not true. That's not true. Ari hates it. That's not true at all. How about just someone past the 80s

and tell me who you think? What do you mean? Go ahead, if you're gonna use an example. Of somebody that. 80s and beyond, not before the 80s, go ahead. That somebody started later? Dean Del Rey. I already know what he's thinking.

Dean Del Rey. Yeah. No, let's have a response. He makes a living. He makes a living. He does make a living. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is the goal.

Exactly. Okay, yeah, it happened once. I win. Yep. Okay, thank you. Yep, you're right. Let me see if I can think of another one. Someone that started later in life.

Because, yeah, you can't say Rodney DeGeneres, that's what everybody says. Yeah, I'm not gonna use him. What I'm saying is, here's what I'm saying, is that you still don't know. Right. Right, it's possible. It's just very...

It's possible. There's like a hot chicken in LA that's also cool. Yeah, that's a possibility. It's a possibility. Yeah, it's possible. Anything's possible, right? And I encourage people to do it all the time. Really? Comedy.

Oh, you're ruining stuff for everybody. Oh, God. No, it's not. You're bringing these people in. Tell them all to quit. No, I'll tell you why no. This is, this is- Argus told me to quit. This is dark stuff right here.

I love it, I love it. You know how hard it is, right? Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like,

I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, mean? That is dark. Yeah, we're like start a life. Yeah, yeah, not you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're not a kid. No, you have a great gray life. You deal with it. You have a gray life. Wow. You're Sauron.

What do you think, Jaime? Keep doing it, Jaime. Wait. Oh. Oh, it's trouble. Keep going, Jaime. You're gonna make it, Jaime. Thank you, man.

Yeah. You probably will. You're young. How old Jaime. Thank you, man. Yeah. You're gonna. You probably will, you're young. How old are you? 28. Yeah, still young. Yeah, still pretty young, yeah. I'm only a year in.

I saw Jaime go up, bad friends did a show in the main room, and I honestly thought you were gonna bomb, and everyone was like, oh no, he's good. You did well. Oh, thank you. So I was impressed. Where do you grow up in Dallas? Mesquite. Mesquite?

Yeah. The city. Is that the name of a place? Yeah, it's like. Dude, imagine. Mesquite comedy? Were you asking where? Where do you go up on stage?

Oh, the Dallas Comedy Club, or Hyenas. Hyenas, yeah, that's a good one. Like him and Ralph grew up on the same street, best friends as kids, they had factory jobs together, and then when Ralph got into comedy, he decided to do it right after him. Would you have followed him into anything? Yeah.

That's what's cool about that. Like they worked at a tire shop. That's where they worked. We worked at a tire shop, yeah. No, not a tire shop, just like an engine. So if he was break dancing, you would be a brain cancer? Yeah. That's so funny.

Those are boys. I love that. I love that. That's very cute. You love Ralph more than you oh that's obvious that's obvious you know I mean I will I've only been nice to you and you treat me like shit yeah I mean Bobby but I'll call you back call him right now it's's okay. It's okay. I was being vulnerable to that. You know, when I, when Ken died, it, um, Ken Jones?

No, Ken Flores. Oh, thank you. God, you're so good. I'm good at that, buddy. That was good. So, when Ken Flores died, when Ken died, I was in a fog, a haze. I needed someone to talk to, you know? And I called, you were the first person I called. And you didn't pick up, so then Ralph picked up, and I needed somebody to connect with and stuff,

because it was shocking. Because two weeks before that, I had done a show with him in the main room and we talked. I heard he was really funny, I never met him. He was a beast. It's pretty sad. I feel so sad that like everyone talks about how funny he is but you don't do it until someone's like gone.

That's what, you know what? No one told me about him until afterwards. People like, did you hear about him? Like, I don't know who that is. I never heard about him until he passed away and then I looked some of the stuff up, he's really funny. Well, I had two shows at the store and so they had to do a filler in the main room

and so they used him as a filler for me, right? And then when I went into the main room, I did something cowardly. I saw him on stage and I go, you gotta put somebody else between us. That's a Bobby Lee special. Yeah, it's a Bobby Lee special. And they go, why?

I go, I'm not doing that tonight. That's how good he was. Bobby is one of the funniest people of all time and the weakest mentality. Yeah, why? Shut up! You're like, I can't doing that tonight. That's how good he was. Bobby is one of the funniest people of all time and the weakest mentality. Shut up! You're like, I can't follow that. I know I won't be the mentality, I'm the tree by the river, dude, I will not be moved!

But are you one of those trees that- I will not be moved! Whatever, you're one of those trees that burns in the LA fire. Oh, that's true, wow, yeah, I gotta move then. You gotta move. I gotta move then, I'll be one of those Lord of the Rings trees that will walk away. Wow, yeah, I gotta move then. I gotta move then. I'll be one of those Lord of the Rings trees

that will walk away. Bobby, you need more self-esteem. No, here's another thing I realized last night in the book is that I don't know if I got this quote right, but right. Sorry. I belong nowhere and I belong everywhere. Ooh. Okay.

And what I realized is that I do belong in all the places that I feel like I don't belong. You know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm gonna, so cheesy, because these are little revelations I had last night, right, and I'm going to, why do you want to wipe your face like that? I'm sorry. Okay.

I think he's being emotional. I think you're being like, No, no, it's just like itching. Okay, you're itching your face? I believe that I do belong everywhere that I think I don't belong because, last night, no, no, the night before Saturday, Andrew did two shows in San Diego,

and one of the shows I went and did a guest spot, what is it, look, what, I fucked it up. You are only free when you realize you belong no place. You belong every place, no place at all. The price is high, the reward is great. Yeah. I gotta be honest, I don't know what the fuck that means. Either do I really?

Either do I really. It sounds like one of those smart sounding things. I know, but I- This is one step above live, laugh, love. I know, but- Live, laugh, love is pretty good. Yeah. But I lock into you belong every place.

Right, like if you went to the cellar and sat down at the table, everyone would have embraced you. Everyone loved you. And you know, at the end of the day, it's like, you know, when I bow to Michael Che and stuff like that, like he's giggling, right? And he's being so cool to me.

Because I think he thinks you're being so cool. I'm doing a bit. At the end of the day, I'm doing a bit. You are doing a bit. You know what I mean? Like, excuse me sir, you know what I mean? That's the thing, you're one of the people in comedy that everyone loves, except Ari.

But like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, he loves me. I love Ari. I love Ari like family. I know he loves you. But it's like, you're right, I do belong everywhere. And I. Oh, this is good, the meaning of freedom.

I like this. What's it, read it to me. I'm a big freedom guy. By saying you belong nowhere and everywhere, the quote implies you're not limited by the need to fit into a specific place or group. That allows for a greater personal freedom. Yes.

I think you're like that. I really do. I think you got, New York comics are more like that than LA comics maybe Maybe because we don't really have the industry there Like I never came up thinking like I'm gonna be in Hollywood. I just wanted to do comedy I would love but maybe if I grew up here, I would have had that in my head Yeah, we're like, I don't mind but dude, I reckon I don't wanna. I could put you in a TV show right now, I already know who you'd play.

A dumb cunt. No. I mean, she'd be like the, she'd be like the- She'd play your mom in a movie. The mean, the mean principal. Ooh, the mean principal. Don't you, you're in like a- Smoking instead of like-

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, like a Malcolm in the Middle kind of a show where she's the mean, and they're afraid of her. The cashier that doesn't make eye contact with you? Yeah, yeah, I mean, there's so many things you could play. Just texting the whole time. You know what I mean? Yeah, but I guess I never came up thinking that.

I just wanted to do stand up. But you know what's so funny about you is I think it's gonna happen. She was about to do a show with Louie before everything happened. I think it's gonna happen. Well. I do. That would be nice.

I just want money. I know, but you don't get into a Netflix special and then all of a sudden then get nothing. People of Hollywood. You kind of do. People of Hollywood should. Really, is that true? I don't know.

Yeah, you kind of get nothing after it. It's nominal, okay. People of Hollywood should put Adrian in something. If you're like making something, you should be funny. I promise you right now, I'm telling you something. When I was on the had or TV, I got so many people on that show, Randall Park, Ken Jeong, before they even got things, you know what I mean?

I will put you in something. If I have to. All right, Bobby. Yeah, yeah, I will. And then I will leave Ari for you. Now if there was a comedy war between New York and LA, who would win? I'm in New York.

New York, are we talking about physical? No, comedy wise. Oh, New York. Also New York. We got No, comedy wise. New York. Also New York. We got good guys out here. Yeah, yeah, for sure. You do have good guys out here. There's also way more comics in New York too. But no, I'm saying you can't, it's not going to be 300 versus 80. I'm just saying.

We're putting like 50 against 50. You're top 20, top 20 versus our top 20. Top 100 versus top 100. No, top 20. Why top 20? You're saying top, like top two, it's like shut up. Well then why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why,

why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why,

why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, David Tell. That's David Tell. Howling, Colin Quinn. The rest of you guys here can suck a dick. David Tell. He's the best. Colin Quinn. Okay, good. Mark Normand.

Louis. Normand. That's good. Soder. Sam Marill. Stav. All right, you win then. Who do you guys have, the people we just talked about?

Bill Burr. Burr's not good? Burr's great. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Yeah, all right. Chappelle, I guess. You guys got Chappelle? Who got Chappelle? I don't, yeah. He lives in Springfield. He lives in Ohio. Big. Yeah. All right. Chappelle I guess, you guys got Chappelle?

Who got Chappelle? LA. He lives in Springfield. He lives in Ohio. Springfield. Yeah. He lives in Ohio, he's a New York guy more than LA guy. He's a New York guy, he's more New York.

I would say he's more New York. He's neither probably. We have Arsenio Hall. Nice. I guess we just lost Shane. We would have had Shane. Yeah, yeah, you lost Shane. But he's nowhere now.

Yeah, I love Arsenio Hall. Do you know him? I don't know him personally.io Hall. You know him? I don't know him personally. No? You know him? Who, who, who? Stop doing that, dude.

Anyway, so they got two specials. I don't like that, sir, what you're doing. They have two specials. Is that racist? I heard Arsenio Hall, you wanna hear a story? Yeah. I don't know if it's true or not, this is what I heard. No, no, I know what the story's gonna be.

Oh. A long time ago. We can't air it, because it's true or not, but this is what I heard. No, no, no, I know what the story's gonna be. Oh. And we can't air it because it's something Mitzi said. Nope. It's not something Mitzi said because she said something crazy about him. Nope. Nope, but I want you, I wanna hear that one. I'm not gonna tell you that.

I wanna hear that one. I'm not gonna tell you that one. Okay, I heard, I heard, you can believe this later if you want. But I don't think it's real. I heard he had a heckler, he was in his day when he was coming up before he had the show. But he was still like, he had some heat.

And some heckler, he goes, you better shut the fuck up. And the guy wouldn't shut up. And he goes, shut the fuck up or I'm gonna do something about it. And you know, the door guys are like me and you. We're like, I don't know, powerless. And eventually he got so mad he fucking cracked a bottle and ran at the guy.

And Harris Pete had to hold him back from fucking stabbing the dude. That's not a bad story. It's not a bad story. I love that. Yeah, I'm not gonna tell my story then. Wait, I wanna hear your story. Mine was bad. I wanna hear it.

Ooh, I wanna hear it. Did he fuck Mitzi? No. He's so good, that's crazy. He is that strong. That's crazy. Yeah, he's so strong. Anyway, let's plug your specials.

Also, we're going on the road together. We're going on the road, Nashville. We're going to Nashville, won't be up by then, but Atlanta and Portland are going together. Schaumburg, Illinois, we're going together. We're in Portland and you're playing. Portland, it's at a theater somewhere. Okay.

Didn't you sell one of your, the Revolution Hall. You got like a second show, right? Yeah, we added a second show there. Oh, you added a second show. San Jose. San Jose, what? Where's it said San Jose? Improv or? Improv, I love a second show there. Oh, you added a second show. San Jose. San Jose, what? Improv or?

Improv. I love that room. That's great. That's a great one. Florida, Seattle, Vancouver, Calgary. Look at all those states. Wow. And I'm done for a year and a half.

And then you're going to be gone? He's working a lot right now. He's going to go to New York. I mean, London. But first I'm going to go travel. Oh, backpacking and then London. Yeah. Okay. Adrian's got a bunch, side splitters.

Yep. Also Chicago. Mm-hmm. That's with you. Portland, that's with me. House of Comedy, Rally Improv, Levity Live, Jukebox, Pittsburgh Improv. Yeah, Edmondon, oh, that's me too. But she's got a new special out.

That's great. Called The Dark Queen. Produced by you. Produced by me. This guy is. Directed by Louis C.K. This guy is believed to be the most out of anyone in common. I love it, don't you love him?

If you can't take me and Louis CK putting our stamp of approval on it enough to fucking press play on Netflix and watch it to the end, then I don't know what'll get you. No, I've heard only great things about you. Well, thank you. Bobby, be my agent.

You gotta do a versus deal, this is insane. Do you have an agent yet? No. You gotta get a versus deal. Well, insane. Do you have an agent yet? No. You gotta get a versus deal. Well, I'm not getting a versus deal. No, this is what you do, it's simple. You get guaranteed a certain amount of money. Yeah, but I'm not getting enough people in the seats,

I don't think. She's defeatist. I am a defeatist. She's looking for a reason why she can't. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what you're doing. That's gotta be the case. You're doing a Bobby Lee, you're doing a Bobby Lee. Yeah, you're doing a Bobby Lee, yeah.

I also need to work on myself. Here's why it won't work, here's why it won't work, here's why it won't work, it's like maybe it will. You're doing a Bobby Lee, you're doing a Bobby Lee. Yeah, you're doing a Bobby Lee, yeah. I also need to work on myself. Here's where I won't work, here's where I won't work, here's where I won't work. Maybe when Louie came to see her, he goes, let me see the set so I'll know how to direct it. She goes, if I do that, he's not gonna wanna do it anymore. And it's like, why do you go to that immediately? Because that's how I grew up.

Yeah, that's how I am too. My family is so negative and awful. Negative. That's how I grew up. You ever see a positive person and you're like, what the fuck are you doing? They'd be like, Louie's gonna see me, he's gonna wanna direct two specials. And you're like, what the fuck are you doing? They'd be like, Lou's gonna see me and he's gonna want to direct two specials. And you're like, who?

Yeah, yeah, who's that guy? It's crazy, yeah. I hate that guy. I hate that guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate that guy, yeah. Just to close it off. That's right.

Like a tree planted by the river, I shall not be moved. Give them a round of applause. Go watch our special. Watch yours. No, watch Ari's too. I seen him work it out. Best specials of 2024 and 2025. Yeah, that's what's gonna be here. I seen him work it out. Watch the best specials of 2024 and 2025. Yeah, that's what's gonna be here.

I watched him work it out and it's so fucking funny, man. Bobby, you'll be the best of 2026. Yeah, baby. I'm going to be a good boy. I'm going to be a good boy. I'm going to be a good boy. I'm going to be a good boy. I'm going to be a good boy. I'm going to be a good boy. I'm going to be a good boy.