TigerBelly - Aries Spears confronts Bobby Lee
Episode Date: July 12, 2023Aries and Bobby hash it out. A decade in the making... Get your TigerBelly Live Show Tickets...
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Well, I'm nervous because I haven't seen it this guy since very spirit sense.
I don't think Matt TV maybe. No, I saw Matt. No, I saw Matt the
um, Matt TV Center reunion that we did. Are you mad at me that I said it out?
A little bit. Yeah.
A little bit. I loved it.
But I got a second.
But I did give you another surprise. Don't say his name though.
That kind of countered this.
And then I was like, because Erie's hit me up,
and I was like, hey, yo.
He hit me up, dude.
He hit, he, sorry.
He said you didn't respond to him.
Yeah, but he hit me up too.
So I'm saying, he said.
It's not like he just went to you.
He said, glad that Bobby's not responding.
Like, can you set this up?
I was like, gladly.
Yeah, yeah, cause you're evil.
I'm your terrible person.
My point is this is,
he could have gone,
you know, he could have gone to like, you know,
was it landmark for him?
What's the thing that people treat him?
Landmark.
Landmark.
Oh, yeah.
He could have gone to lawn on the landmarks.
The landmarks, Coltty too.
Well, anything, you know, I mean,
some, the thing that, um,
Paulie sure went through life spring.
Okay.
That's one.
Paulie went to life spring once
and it would have made me laugh so hard
because I went to his house and he had posters
that he had written, you know what I mean?
You know what I mean?
You're the best, and I go to a different room, right?
You can do it.
Like, he was-
Those are his affirmations?
Well, I didn't memorize the affirmations.
I just saw the Nike slogan.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, just do it.
I know.
And it's like, you know, I mean, be happy.
I think every room, and I was just like,
I wonder how long this is gonna last.
It lasts like a year.
What are some affirmations you tell yourself?
Like today, right?
And you were nervous about today.
It's like, how did you wake up and what did you tell yourself
to like really prep for this experience?
Like flinch.
You say, wake up.
They say, Bobby flinch.
You're gonna flinch a lot say, you say Bobby flinch.
You're gonna flinch a lot.
Flinch a lot.
So when I woke up, I, right?
Say, good, come at me.
See, I'm off.
It's so good though.
See, I'm off.
What?
You see here?
One minute away, he said.
Oh my god.
Can you get it out a lot?
No.
So anyway, so, you know, I talked a lot of shit behind this guy's back.
Probably a thousand times in every radio show, in every podcast.
So not more than that.
Lawrence hit or not warranted, you feel?
Probably not warranted.
How about what's the percentage of warranted to not warranted?
90% not warranted.
Pffft.
Maybe, I don't know.
I just, I guess in my mind, I was like, you know,
because we were never like that good friend,
so I was like, I'm never gonna see him again.
Let's talk shit.
You think you'll never see another comedian again?
Like the world is small.
I mean, it's your voice.
No, look at my friend Gary Owen, you know Gary Owen?
Mm-hmm.
So Gary Owen, I haven't seen since he was an
inavian in the 90s, he's a big comic,
but he only plays specific places.
So I know I'm not gonna run into him.
I know, but they're social media.
I have to go outside.
The internet.
That's what's in the freedom.
I can go get him. I'll get him. I think just sit down and... No, no, I gotta go get him. I think you have to sit social media. The internet. The internet. The content.
I can go get them.
I'll get them.
I think just sit down and relax.
I think you have to sit down and relax.
Is he here?
Are you scratching your nuts right now?
My nuts get really antsy.
They get flinchy.
They have ants on them?
Yeah, they get really antsy.
Anyway, we have security here, so we're fine. You brought the pit bowl though? Look on them. Yeah, yeah, they get really antsy. So anyway, we have security here, so we're fine.
Yeah, you brought the pit bull though.
Look at them.
From my we don't need security.
Erie said yesterday on the DM, he was like,
please tell Bobby I only have love for him.
I know that's what he's saying.
That's what the devil says when he tries to slip into the house.
I love the red then the Bible.
I love you.
I love you. The devil will slip into your house. I love it. You never read the Bible? I love it. I love you.
The devil will slip into your house.
You like it?
In the backside.
What?
I like it.
So, is he here?
I've never been this-
Wow, I've always been like that, dude.
I've always been like that, dude.
Dude, he's like, oh god.
No hugs.
No hugs right now, afterwards.
I will say your bucket hat has turned into a different type of hat.
What is it? Because it's pressing on the sides. It just looks like you're working on Army hat.
Good. Goody's here. Goody get gooner. Be careful.
Who's the ledger? You bring him upstairs. There is my belich to cats. Good.
Is he here? Can you pick up that cat? How do I get it?
Hey. Oh. Is he here? Do you pick up that cat? How do I get it? I don't worry about it.
Hey.
Oh, there we go.
What's my show? I get it. You run this. I also can just not let it.
Absolutely.
If you lost a way to wait, baby funny.
I don't think you did.
Okay.
I just leave his leave Bobby by me.
What are you doing?
What are you doing by yourself?
No!
You're kidding!
What's this?
What are you doing?
Bro!
Bro, why?
Fuck you, man.
I just feel for you.
I just want to know,
because here's the thing, Alex, here's the content.
He does this all the time and ends up being the best episode
every time he says it's a bodyguest.
But the reason why it becomes the best,
it's because I'm like this.
Yeah, because I'm ready for anything, you know.
God, you don't even know how it works, huh?
Oh my God.
How many years has it been since you've seen him?
Probably a decade.
Damn.
But, um, but Elden Ring,
I'm at the last chunk of the map,
but man, it is the hardest game, man.
I played this game more than I played any other game, I think.
More than Skyrim?
I played it.
More than Skyrim?
Oh yeah.
I've only looked at the Abel in the other kind of school.
I heard Diablo is good too.
But this game is so fucking hot. What?
No, nothing. I was just the apple of what for?
Nice. I like that. You should actually you should
Are you gonna replay Elden ring now? It's too long. You're not gonna reply it. No
I'm not gonna replay it. I don't ever wanna go back there again.
What a God for a second place.
Also, I don't know what's going on.
You don't, I don't know if I've done a mission or not.
There's no, there's no thing where it says,
you know what I mean, you have to go here.
Or you have to talk to this person.
You talk to like an NPC.
And they're like, the dimensions are closing in.
You gotta see a feudal, but the theater is dead. And then you're like, bye. And then you gotta see fear to but the theater is dead and then you're like
Bye, and then there's no where the man. You don't know where to go. You're just
grinding to improve
You know man, is he here?
Where is it?
Holy shit, there is a hug hug or should you lose weight?
Yeah, yeah, you lost weight I can hardly recognize you
You were head food sir. Yeah, I can't follow why the towel cuz big nigga sweat
Do you wear headphones or yeah, I can't find why the towel cuz big nigga sweat
That's the slogan yeah, yeah, I should put that on the t-shirt
Yeah, you bought it you want to use a headphone. Oh, no, yes, I don't get
Thanks for doing this
Come on, man. This was 50 years in the making
Yeah, what prop to do to like just hit her up or what
I've been hitting him up to no response for years right and what's crazy is the light it be one thing if I can't We're gonna be going be crazy if I came out to gate like mother fucker, which I
I was pissed at one thing so I did do that
I was pissed at one thing, so I did do that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But since then, I know before this message,
I sent something I thought I was like,
yo man love, put in the love emojis,
and then I came on in, then this last one I did it again,
and I saw underneath, scene.
And I'm like, and still he says nothing.
No, because I text you, got nothing.
So, no, no, no, because, but here's what happened. A lot of people were like, uh,
Yo, man, you need to tag your belly, tag your belly. And I kept telling them, you know, me and Bobby, we got a thing right now.
And then Bill Bellamy, who's my guy from Jersey, he just did it. And he told me, a somebody told me they saw him on here. And he was like, like yo he told Bobby Erie's is in a different place. Yasha blah blah blah. So okay cool. So then after I hit you up and got nothing
Another dude hit me up and goes yo you should hit up her
Yeah, I hit up her and it's what is it a clyla?
So I hit her up and she got it done man. She was like the conciliaries
She got it done, man. She was like the conciliary.
Yeah.
But dude, you have to realize that nobody goes through me.
I don't know who, you know, I just, that's my, you think.
Well, I heard that, but I'm also thinking,
the more you know somebody, you put in work with them,
you've been in the trenches with them.
We were warned.
What trenches?
Oh, baby.
Matt TV was
All right, I'll tell you why I didn't hit you up. Okay, let's start from the very
Let's start from the big no, I want it. Oh, okay. Well before we start. Let me we should intro for it. No, all right missing intro. Okay
I
Because now I've been clubs where they go I go the fuck is liquid death and it's's it's can water if I didn't know that and I saw this I'd be like this
Nigger. Yeah, well you set this n word what it's nigger you know me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you think um any any anyway is is
Is my smell? Are you real?
Oh grab something. Go get some ice. Go get some ice. She does everything man. Yeah, yeah, I do
Go get some ice, go get some ice. She does everything, man.
Yeah, yeah.
I do.
Do we have, I don't even know if we have ice here.
Are you gonna grab it?
Or do you want me to?
If there is none, that's cool.
I'll go grab some.
Do we have ice?
I don't think we do.
He's never, he's, I say no.
I look at, there's no ice.
I sort of got this on.
Do you have a cold one?
Do you have a cold one?
Wait, wait.
Mine's not cold.
Let me touch yours.
Let me touch yours.
Let me touch yours. Yeah, this one's this all these other ones are cold
This one's not let's put one in the fridge. Oh, is this dude is this like your Alfred?
That's that one
Rose guys working work. You know, I got to want to be that dude
Let's put one in the fridge and give him another. No, no, this is good. Yeah, we got freeze that one
What happened to our freezer? It's gone.
That was my freezer.
I took it in the breakup.
Y'all go together, right?
Not anymore.
We broke up.
Ten years ago.
Yeah.
You left out freezer?
You know what?
Your pool would still be green if it wasn't for me.
All right, let's, all right.
I changed the filter every.
Okay, let's start.
I'll put a pin in this,
but I'm going to know why y'all broke up.
But let's put a pin in that.
Let's, let's, let's, all the issues we have to talk about.
You're gonna put a fucking relationship. Absolutely absolutely. Okay. All right. So here's why all right. I'm a little nervous today. Is that right? You and you Ryan. Yeah, it's good. Anyway, welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly.
I'm a little nervous today.
Yeah, you shouldn't be. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I am.
I'll tell you why I am, but let's introduce it, all right.
So long time ago, from far away, for a long time, long ago,
and a different land, I used to be on a TV show called The Mad TV.
Wow. It was a sketchy.
It was called The Mad TV. Not The Mad TV.
It was Mad TV. Yeah, Mad TV.
It was just David Caron. It was a sketch TV not the Matt TV was Matt. Yeah, yeah, Matt TV. It was just David Caron.
It was a sketch show. Yeah, you're back in the day and I think that it was a good sketch show and it was great sketch show
It was on television. I thought we were
We did some fucking crazy things on the show and this next gentleman is somebody that I was on the show with when I was new and
I've been seen since the last Mad TV reunion
or something, we did that anyway.
Eric Spears giving her out of one, everybody.
Woo!
Woo!
Anyway, okay, let's start from the very,
I don't know, we're gonna,
this is gonna be chopped up like Paul Fiction.
Is it really? Yeah, we have to chop it up like, no, because I'm gonna go here. So let's go from the very, I don't know, we're gonna, this is gonna be chopped up like Pulp Fiction. Is it really?
Yeah, we have to chop it up like,
no, because I'm gonna go here.
So let's go to the last,
that last thing I saw you.
I know me now, okay.
So the last thing I saw you, right,
you said, yo, N word, right?
And you had recordings,
you had saved recordings of things
that I had said on radio shows in podcasts,
a couple of clips,
and you played them in front of me.
Right?
And I was just like, I've never seen this happen before.
It was very, because-
Receipts.
Very confrontational.
Yeah, receipts.
No, I mean, yeah, you had receipts.
That's what they call receipts, right?
Which was, at the time I thought it was on a pocket,
I just learned that, right?
Right.
But now I don't, I think it was pretty, you know,
in the pocket, right?
So my point is, but let me see this, too, right?
When you, you came up to me in a,
not in a violent way, but in a very confrontational way,
like, yo, man, what the fuck is this shit?
That's not, let me just real quick.
So when Bobby, when I first walked in, Bobby said,
man, I didn't recognize you.
He didn't recognize me because I was smiling.
If I was smiling, I was like, ice cube.
He didn't went in a destiny, God no, but go ahead.
What do you mean?
Just when I came in, you were smiling when you came in right and you said oh my god
I recognize you right but you did you learn out of smile in the last 10 years you saw me
I have my magic
You learn how to smile when you're a kid. Wait. What did you say in the radio shows and all the clips? Yes, well
We'll go back particular but go ahead
I was going, particular, but go ahead. I was like, did I remember?
I remember.
Okay.
Okay.
Okay.
It's calm, ever calm down, right?
So check this out.
But then with that, then I remember going, then I said, bye bye.
I don't know what it was.
How did that interaction end?
Just like, oh, I'm sorry.
No, we had to shoot, I think, because we were shooting a show.
Okay.
I think it was the second version of Matt TV, or did you do that? Yes.
Yeah, I think that was when it was.
Yes.
And since we were on set,
and Jen Espanoza, all our old crew was there,
we didn't want to do a whole, who, who, and Annie.
Okay, so you just basically said, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I gotta go, I gotta go play Kung Fu Master,
whatever one.
Again, again, again.
So then we left, and then after that,
I remember people saying, showing clips of you
on other radio shows where it got kind of wild, right?
Right, wait, somebody punched you one time?
Yeah, the fit, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, do you remember that?
Yes.
And then there was a couple of other radio shows
where you went off, I don't remember, really.
But I just remember seeing it going,
oh shit, I should be be really scared for my life.
Why?
Because I saw your confrontation with me
and then I saw the radio things
and then my head I'm like, oh shit,
this is like mafia shit.
But more like, what's that movie with Denzel
was in the American House on it?
American Gangsta.
Yeah, that kind of mafia.
Right, you have a little.
If you're gonna use a mafia reference,
go with the sopranos so I can break out my amazing
James Gandal Fini.
I'm not gonna set you up for impressions.
This is not this kind of show.
It's not this kind of show.
Man, we're gonna be a show.
I'm gonna fuck a bitch.
I'm gonna fuck a bitch.
I should do one of my fucker guys.
I'm gonna come from me.
It's gonna be a crazy show.
He's a great guy. And she's gonna fucker guys. I'm gonna come from me, it's gonna come from a Christian.
Paul, she'll, he's a fucking Johnny, she gonna gun shit.
Fucker, I don't gonna do it.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Okay, is that the last impression you're gonna do this time?
I'm gonna have to do it again,
cause you interrupted me, but I'm gonna,
I'm gonna put it at some point.
But I ask you this, go ahead.
I'll give you one chance,
you can't do it with Ken Delphy, but no more impressions.
Okay, I know you can do it with me, so you're so good.
But no, no, I've never done James Gandalfini,
I just just rather knew.
Oh, I remember. Remember your first, that's it. You're so good. But no, no, I've never done James Gammalfini. This is rather new. Oh, I remember.
So you heard him say first.
James Gammalfini.
Remember when Will Sasso did James Gammalfini
for the soprano skit on Matt TV?
I couldn't even dream of being able to do that.
And I thought he was phenomenal.
I've mastered it.
So that's why I wanted to.
Well, I have to say, and here's a compliment to you.
And this is a true thing for my heart.
I think you could be one of the greatest, one of the greatest impressionists on planet Earth.
Well, I never just wanted to be the greatest impressed.
I'm not just saying it just by the way, I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest.
I'm just saying it's one of the greatest. I'm just saying it's one of the greatest. I'm just saying it's one of the greatest. I'm just saying it's one of the greatest. I'm just saying it wasn't even good enough. All right, hold up. Let me, all right. I was not even good enough.
Let me Tarantino this shit to a little bit.
Other people have said to me,
oh, you're one of the funniest Asian guys on planet Earth.
That's not a compliment.
I mean, it's a compliment.
I understand what they're saying.
Yes.
Let it go, but not you.
Yeah, but you go home and you're like,
I don't like.
Why go home and do it?
Don't do it here.
No, but then, wait, wait.
No, but he's being honest about about it in the moment in real time.
Oh, yeah.
You know what?
I don't know what you're doing right now,
but I like it.
Oh, what?
Yeah, yeah, I like it.
Yeah, I don't know what your English right now,
but I really like it.
So stop doing it.
Okay.
So that happened, okay?
Okay.
And then, so let's get your little beef out
and then I'm going to tell you what I had a problem with.
Okay, well before we get to that,
let me just say to you, let me say this to you.
And I mean, sincerely from the bottom of my heart, man.
Bobby, I need you to look at me.
No, this is important.
You have to.
One eye.
Okay.
One eye when you had both eyes opened,
because you Asian.
So it was one eye then.
Racist, but let's move on.
But funny, very funny.
I sincerely apologize to you, man.
For ever, if making you feel some kind of way,
and for any discomfort, I may have caused you
during our tenure together over a man.
And thank you for allowing me
to finally come here so we could hash this out,
and we could, you know, make everything right, man.
You know, some Jackie Chan, Chris Tucker shit.
I love that.
We could do rush hour four if Chris falls out of place.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Okay, you're really nice.
You're a turn.
You know, can I say this? When you walked in here, I did not recognize you. It're really nice your turn. You know I can I say this when you walked in here
I did not recognize you it wasn't just your way there's something just about your energy. Okay, that's complete
I don't know what you did landmort forums, you know, live spring or something
You're gonna fuck or something, but I've been rehearsing this for two weeks, man
It's pretty good, you memorized it. Yeah, yeah.
So, and I accept that, right?
And honestly, I don't have a problem.
It's just that I like talking shit.
It's how I make a living.
So it's just say things and then backfires, you're going to run into people and stuff.
So, but I really don't, never really had an issue.
So let's, well, let me just say,
here's the issue that I had.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I forget what station it was,
but it was like, whoa, shit, what was that?
Oh, it was like a gay radio station in San Francisco
that anytime I would do cops,
I used to go to pretty often to promote the shows.
Hadn't been there in God knows how long.
But yeah, I saw the clip where you were talking to these guys.
And it sound like for the most part,
you were being complimentary, but at the same time,
it felt obvious you were taking a shot at me.
And I was going, in my mind, I'm like,
why is he doing that?
Like, why is he going there? And then I think through in my mind, I'm like, why is he doing that? Like, why is he going there?
And then I think through the grapevine as time went on,
there were moments where I think you elaborated even further
as to why we had such a relationship over at Mad.
And as we hash this out, I'm gonna wait for you to say,
but I think you're gonna say, and then I'm going to wait for you to say, what I think you're going to say.
And then I'm going to tell you why I responded to you in that way,
or why it may have been that way at the time.
Are you referring to the last time we started,
or during Matt TV?
Just Matt TV, but why don't you tell me what it is,
because you said earlier that you said you had a problem
with what the issue was.
Tell me what the issue was.
Okay.
Where do I begin?
I remember one thing, I remember one thing
you said specifically was.
Yeah, I never talk to you.
You said, Erwin's never talk to me.
Can I just let me get it out?
Right, let me get it out and then let me,
and it's not a lot.
Okay.
It's like 15th in our beginning.
It's not a lot, it's a couple of things.
Okay.
And this is my honest feeling, okay.
So when I, like, do you remember when I was on Mad,
how terrible I was at table read?
That's one of my biggest issues.
Yes.
What do you mean?
Go ahead, get in here.
So when I would do table reads,
I would be so nervous,
because I'd never done one before,
and I never really acted before.
I'd done commercials.
But I mean, there was so much pressure
that every time I would do a table read,
I was fine when I was on set.
He's also dyslexic.
So like reading stuff off of papers,
really, really hard for him.
So like, but no one knew that, right?
So I'd be at table reads,
and I wouldn't sleep all night because I would try to memorize it.
And then once I was there at the network thing and I saw all the fucking actors, the first
couple of years, it was rough.
And I remember like going, oh, fuck, like, it's so embarrassing.
You said to have PTSD from them, right?
So that, so when I first got on there, I was scared.
Table reads were bad. You know, I'll be honest with you.
I got on it when Alex was still there.
So you and Alex and Deborah were going through
some sort of law thing.
It wasn't, it didn't get to that point, right?
But you guys were talking.
Yes.
So there was like a civil war going on at Mad TV
between areas and Deborah Wilson. Not between us,. So there was like a civil war going on at Mad TV between areas in Deborah Wilson.
Not between us, me and Deborah was like,
no, no, you were the sister.
Yeah, you were two together and Alex forced me at the time.
Right.
And it was because of a coal joke with the fingers.
Yes.
Right, I remember.
Right.
I don't want to get into that what it is,
but there's coal on the fingers.
And so in my head, I was like,
oh, there's some sort of thing going on.
And then I think there was a thing I might be wrong
between David Salisman, the owner of the show,
and Alex as well, about merchandise or something.
So now, I'm coming into a show where there's a civil war,
you can feel it, like, whoa, this is weird.
And then, and also I'm terrible
So people don't think that I'm gonna just so you know David Salisman and Alex Borenstein two Jews arguing over money
That's just
I know
So um so I come on and then that's going on in the show right so people don't think I'm gonna last right
So why would anyone need to be nice to me, right?
And also, I'm feeling the energy guys.
I'm just feeling this weird fucking energy on the show, right?
So then I meet Aries, and just by,
just, I just think that you were very standoffish.
I like to wear a loof, but go ahead.
Okay, you're a loof, right?
And then, and we didn't even have a conversation
for a couple of years.
Right.
Like two or three years, I remember,
because I'll tell you how I remember.
My third year, when I saw you once,
like the beginning of the season,
you said hi to me my third year,
and I remember it going, being going, wow, that's weird.
I think you wrote it in your journal.
I had a journal from back then where I wrote,
like, every spirit said hi to me today, right?
And this is like your is just third year
on a TV show together.
It's like strange to me, right?
So that's the number one thing.
And the second thing is this, then let me stop there.
Because let me address that. Listen, let me address that.
Well, you can't write it down all three and then it's all, you got where I see
partner.
Okay, okay.
I'll just, just fucking address.
I'll dress.
I'll dress.
I'll dress.
I can think.
All right.
Here's, here was my issue with you from gate.
And later on, you revealed to us more so that you have issue like substance abuse
problems, right?
Okay.
One, I didn't know that.
Had I known that, I would have taken that into account.
That being said, here was my problem.
You know, if you remember,
we had, you could count all the black writers
in more than Matt TV on three fingers.
We had three black writers.
So yes, other writers would write for us,
meaning me and Deborah, the black folks,
but really, the people that were assigned to us
and to me specifically, was Devarne Shepard.
And when he was loving his man, Xavier.
Xavier Cook.
I love those for guys.
But Devarne was my main guy.
If he was like my Georgia or Amani,
if I needed to suit, he knew my measurements.
Yeah, yeah.
Comedically we would like that.
Yeah.
So I'm saying that to say we know that this business is political.
We know that it's racist and a lot of times Devon and I would have to fight for sketch time.
Everybody's fighting for sketch time.
But really as a black person you're really, you know, we could sit there and read a whole table read,
work the sketches, and you might be lucky some weeks if you're in one.
There would be times when you'd be in none.
And so you fight for sketch time, and the concern was,
because you were maybe, you know, dyslexic.
Yeah, you substance abuse problems.
I'm not dyslexic.
I don't know why you're putting that out there.
Are you kidding me?
Come on, dude.
Give me a book right now.
I can read the whole thing in front of you.
Okay, I'm going with her.
She right now, she's three and a half.
Give me a pair, give me a book right now.
She told you you didn't have a face
and you thought you had eyes.
Oh yeah, okay, go, just, she hooked up.
She hooked up.
Talk about later, go ahead.
I didn't say you were illiterate.
I said you were dyslexic, you would flip things around and when under the pressure, you mix things up. Talk about later. Of course. I didn't say you were illiterate. I said you were dyslexic.
You would flip things down and when under the pressure,
you mix things up.
All right, let me say this.
Because of dyslexia, because of the substance abuse,
which I get, I don't have dyslexia.
I don't have dyslexia.
Just say you do.
It helps your case.
You're so unaware.
Most men are, but this one, it's special.
Anyway, so, and the fact. Free that again. Most men are, but this one, this special.
Anyway, so, and the fact,
read that again.
Naps are awesome.
Oh no, I'm about to prove your point.
Bobby, wait, let me talk to her for a minute.
Because Bobby wasn't great at reading at the table.
Read, he would often tank sketches, not on purpose,
but because he was so awful, without looking at each other,
we would know like telepathy.
Well, that's a sketch I'm not going to be in. It's not going to get picked.
Nika, you once pronounced opinion Buick.
It was in the script a word opinion. This nigga said Buick.
You're not this like saying that.
So, so my thing was, my thing was, for a long time,
it was a respecting, not that I didn't respect him,
but I was just like, God damn it.
And so, but prior to you, I'm, listen,
I'm working with Deborah, Mo, Michael, Will, Alex,
Phil, Nicole, heavy weights.
Everybody's bringing the thunder comedically. We know we are a well
Oh, she broke we are the Lakers when Pat Riley was winning
But on game day wait wait, but every sketch I did we not talk about practice
Let me ask the game. Let me ask the talk about. All right, game day, I brought it. But if I didn't bring it on game day, I would've been fired.
But Michael Jordan brings it just in hard and prep,
just as hard and prep as he's in the game.
All right, I'm Michael Jordan.
No, not me.
That's what you're trying.
Get out, get out.
You're a big joy.
My point is, is that, but let me find a spot.
How do you think I lasted?
Bobby, you let me get to it.
Okay, bye.
So to answer your question, yes, for three years,
I was aloof towards you,
because I was just going,
and here's, wait a minute,
got this, it takes a month,
fuck a time.
I'm going, everybody else is pulling their weight
and showing their metal.
Yeah.
So, yes, he's on the team,
but until he shows me his metal,
and he can pull his own weight,
I'm a little skeptical, I'm a little skeptical.
Okay.
Now, now, now, was that the best thing to do?
Could I have handled that better?
Of course, but you gotta remember how old I am.
I'm young.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm learning.
I'm a little wet behind the ears,
but I'm also, and I'm not trying to be cocky,
but I'm nice with it, man.
I'm nice with it.
I've been doing it since I was 14.
Yeah.
So let me say something.
That's the first thing, but go to the next.
Oh, let me do a real bottle, okay.
But I remember at season three,
we were taking a shit on the floor in your dressing room.
I was like, where's the comedy in that?
There's no camera.
There's no cameras in your dressing room.
Are you kidding?
On your floor.
I know, that's just my way.
Yeah, that's the way.
Let me take some.
Samurai's way.
Hey, listen.
Samurai.
Black people in do-do don't mix.
I get it.
You can look at MTV.
I do this.
This is a suit you're talking to.
White people shit.
Niggas don't do do-do.
Oh.
You look at MTV's ridiculousness.
White boys be shit everywhere. Niggas don't play with do-do. My boys, we shit everywhere.
Miggas don't play with dudes.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
And Rhett just pick I know.
I don't know the N word way, okay?
Let me say something.
Let me say something.
I'm gonna learn now.
I don't know if you were there, but in my third or fourth season,
I started killing it at Tabouries.
Yeah, I didn't get nervous anymore.
Yes, and when I'm nervous, I can't read.
And I'm not nervous, I kill it.
And you started killing it on the floor
Yeah, which finally started making me go I
Yeah, okay, I accept that here's a second thing. Oh
What there's more that part squash that that one point. Okay, that's one point all right
Well just to wrap up that that's what I have two other things so yeah, so let's wrap that
You respect you have to earn it you have's wrap that up your respect. Yeah,
I'm gonna earn it. You have your your this. Oh, you're right. I think in retrospect, you're right.
But you know, you would think that after the second year, you'd be like, well, he's you still had
training with all men. Okay, except that one. You want you? What didn't you kind of like understand
where Areas is coming from because you feel as though younger comics really need
to earn their shit these days
and you feel a lot of resentment
when you see younger people sort of just make their way
to certain things and you're like,
she said that, I didn't know that.
You feel very...
I didn't feel you felt that way.
Fuck, I don't know what you're doing.
I don't know what size you are.
You're a Sith Lord boy.
We're not.
You're a Sith Lord boy.
You're fucking,
Ma-Ma-Ma-Oh, whatever the fucking name is, man. This is the Sith Lord. You're not. You're a Sith Lord. You're fucking momo, whatever the fucking name is man.
This is the Sith Lord fucking side man.
You're momo, the Sith Lord.
I tried to defend you and say you were just lexic.
I said you were just lexic.
I'm not.
I'm not.
Right?
But pitch it behind Bobby right there.
He would be laying like that in the dress room
on lunch breaks.
Yeah.
I have to.
Wow.
Because I'm weird.
I don't do it anymore.
Dude, since then, I've been on network shows,
all movies, this is that.
You've been doing your thing?
And I don't act like that anymore,
because I realize it's not a good thing.
So we caught you at your worst.
Yeah, you saw, you know, it's like, what caterpillar?
If you saw a retarded cat, like I say,
I mean, a deformed caterpillar, right?
Sorry, I don't know.
Put it out there now.
It's already out there. I don't know, I didn't tell. If a caterpillar, right? Sorry, I don't know about it now. It's a giant dinosaur.
I don't know if a caterpillar has, you know,
I mean, the little sounds, but, right.
Anyway, if you see like a weird caterpillar, right?
Sometimes that caterpillar blossoms into something else.
And not so, you know, me, our word, fucking butterfly.
Let's move on.
So let's, okay, so I got better.
And, you know what, that first thing?
Yes. I 100% agree with you. I And you know what, that first thing? Yes.
I 100% agree with you.
I mean, in retrospect, that's what it was.
And I put in Dick Plussucci's office.
I put in Ike's dressing room.
And notice all the people in that room.
They're always like, thank you!
Yeah, I put in my thing.
But I used to do other weird things,
but we can get into that later. So here's the second thing.
One time I was in, I noticed at a table read,
because now you have to understand,
I'm nervous at table reads, right?
And during one of my, a couple of times this happened,
a couple of my sketches, you were listening to music.
Yeah, you had headphones on.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's take that picture first, let's paint it, yeah.
I've never done that, buddy.
You never had headphones on the fucking tiger with table read.
Never, never.
Why would I do that?
I thought you had this, like I visually,
nigga.
I said, you, why would I do that?
That is the most rude shit ever.
And I could get in trouble for doing that.
Maybe use it in my mind, maybe take my mind.
Yeah, it was absolutely my
Yeah, let me take some you go on yeah, just so you know for the record. Yeah, I was just as scared as you at table reads
I was nervous too, but you know, but go ahead, but I was okay, so that wasn't a thing. Okay, so let that go
Please here's the third thing. I'm not a made up white woman. I'd be getting a rape charge
Remember you rate me and the kitchen,
and then what did this happen?
All right, here's the third thing, okay.
And this one was, it cut deep.
Why are you smiling?
Because I can't wait to eat it.
Yeah, and this is the only one.
Okay, this is literally the last one.
Okay, and I'm over it now, but this happens.
So one day I will seize it.
Wait, so how long was I on it?
Because you left at some point, at one point, right?
I was on it season three or four and then you left.
I left.
I was there for eight years.
Yeah, okay.
And I came in season three.
Yeah, so the last, oh, so my third or fourth year,
there was a sketch where I had to play Japanese business man number two.
Just share me out.
Okay.
So the writers would put in Japanese business that number two.
And I think my argument was, yo, I'm tired of playing Japanese business man.
Why can't I be number one?
Right?
Japanese business man number one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know, they would do it as a joke.
But I'm like, I have no-
Was this a skit?
Well, we did the fucked up commercials
and the Japanese men started almost raping the waitress.
No, okay, go.
Yeah, yeah.
What is-
I think that was in your mind.
No, we did that skit.
We're gonna fucked up international commercials.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I remember going, yo, I don't wanna play this.
And then you were like, you were like,
fuck a poet, man, who gives a shit?
Right? Okay.
And then you and I got an screaming match.
I kinda remember the screaming.
Yeah, and then Lauren Debrowski,
she remember she was going through chemo
because she was sick, right?
And I remember her having to separate us, right?
Because you and I were, I mean, you would have been
destroying me physically, you know what I mean?
I knew that you couldn't physically assault me on set.
But we were screaming to the point where if we had knives
or guns, we'd be both dead.
I mean, it was that bad, right?
And I remember Lauren having to separate us.
And I remember things on myself.
It wasn't the fact that she had the strength to do it.
Is it when she got up because she was so sick
that we killed because we're like, oh fuck,
Lauren's, you know what I mean?
We loved her so much, you know what I mean?
So it's like, Lauren stood up,
and I remember thinking to myself like,
and I was mad at you because for some reason,
like if you didn't, like in my mind,
I was like, if you hadn't said that,
right, then we wouldn't be in this thing, but then in retrospect, like if you didn't, like in my mind I was like, if you hadn't said that, right,
then we wouldn't be in this thing,
but then in retrospect, like why did I complain?
But I was tired of playing those parts.
I don't know, but I just remember being mad at you
because we had to even get Lauren to intervene
in the fight that we had.
I think that there had just been so much tension brewing
that is, because that doesn't sound that bad,
but it was a tipping point between you and I.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So that just might have been the leaf that
would a little win, blew over.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But that's it, you know what I mean?
I mean, those are the three things that I can recall.
Do you guys ever like reconcile or like figure?
This is it.
No, so I've never talked since.
No, Chris is it.
Creatively, I mean, if we had to do do something we did it. Yeah, yeah, but as far as an honest real
This is it so yeah, this is we've never talked about this before in fact
I've only seen aries maybe two or three times since it and we would I would and he is what would bother me when I did see you in public
It felt to me like a, listen man,
I'm a real estate come, I'm an alpha male,
I'm an arizodiac sign, I'm from New York,
so I just come with a certain amount of,
I would love to be Michael Jordan,
but I'm more like Charles Barkley.
I say what the fuck is on my mind,
and I'm not talking a lovable fat Charles
because when niggas get fat, they no longer threaten,
when they get fat.
But when niggas get fat they no longer threat when they get fat
But when niggas is young and robust you
Throwing my fuckers out windows, so then they fear you so I'm I'm more of a lovable guy now, but you know
Just I wanted you to be honest with me and whenever I would talk to you you would go a
Bobby let me do your podcast so Bobby let me hollage you go. Yeah, man call me do your podcast. So Bobby, let me hollage you. And you go, yeah, man, call me. Do this, do that.
And I do it.
And I get no response from you.
And I'm like, I feel like this thing is playing me.
Like, why are you making me chase you?
And you know me.
Here's where I can defend him.
It's not a you thing.
I've been hearing that.
Yeah, it's an everyone thing because I'm dead.
That's the way it's so weird to me.
He just started getting, he's now medicated
for his like extreme ADHD. But prior to getting, he's now medicated for his extreme ADHD,
but prior to this, he wouldn't call his agents back,
his manager back.
The only person in the world he would call back was me.
So you call him pussy back?
You call him pussy back?
I like pussy.
I like pussy so much you call me.
I don't call a vagal.
He really turned into an agent of Barnum.
I don't know. I don't know.
Like, everyone's grievance with him for years
was that he'd get better.
But I do it now.
Listen, listen.
I do it now.
In fact, I've read all your,
texted, I've read all your,
that feels good, right?
Yeah, right.
Yeah, I read it.
You've read it.
You've read it.
It's about my point is, is that,
but I'm getting better at it.
But today, dude, I'm glad. I mean, because you think that you did it.
Last week, I started, a couple of weeks,
I started bringing his name up,
and we should have him.
Was I not, is that not true?
How many, it don't matter how many times you bring it up,
my fuck, I make the move.
She made the move.
I air-set the, but my intention was pure.
My heart was, I was a spirit, a positive spirit.
That's a force.
I went to my friend here, man.
I was like, low.
Right.
We got to put areas on the book.
Is this a sport?
No, he's the producer of the show.
Oh, can't.
Why would an assistant trust like that?
I don't know.
All right.
Does he feel like a producer?
What does he feel like?
I just, I don't know.
Is he the widest guy you've ever seen?
No, not at all.
But I just was like, what is this relationship?
Yeah, yeah, he's my producer. I've known him for a year. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Anyway widest guy you've ever seen? No, not at all. But I just was like, what is this relationship? Yeah, yeah, he's my producer.
I've known him for a year.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Anyway, so do you have,
do you have anything, he couldn't approach me
at a dark club at night somewhere in Santa Monica
because this nigga got Vap,
Dumber vibes.
Thank you so much.
I know he's so much better.
Dude, finally, honestly dude,
I don't, I would never go camping with him. Yeah. I either mind. I'm finally so much headed. You're so, finally, honestly, dude, I don't, I would never go camping with them.
Yeah.
I just want to take some pictures.
I just want to take some pictures.
I just want to take some pictures.
So do you have any issues right now about me?
No, listen, here's the thing, you know,
this business is the blessing and so the curse.
It's like, I love what I do, not trying to be cliche or corny,
but I love what I do.
I love interacting with the people.
This is my dream and I'm doing it.
I've been doing it for 33 years.
But I also know, again, this business comes with such bullshit.
And I'm a straight shooter.
And I wanted to think, I had one of the things I hate about
this business is the amount of phoniness.
Like if you look me in my eye and you tell me you're going
to hollet me, you give me your number,
you tell me, call you, I'm gonna hold you to that.
If you say, let's break bread, let's break bread.
But I hate the chase.
And I got a three chase limit.
I call you once, twice, three times,
text once, twice, three times,
whatever form of communication.
If you don't respond to me, you're out.
I'm not gonna be that guy.
I'm not chasing you. I'm not chasing you.
Yeah. I'm not sweating you. And it seems like so many people in this business, they get off on the
chase. Like, why are you making me chase you? You gave me your number. Yeah. You told me,
call you. Niggas. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's just, you know, so, and I've dealt
with that for 33 years. So sometimes it comes a point where you just go,
ugh, enough is enough.
And maybe somebody got to catch a straight bullet, man.
Like you're innocent, but I'm taking my shit out on you
just because not because as you or you did something,
but because I'm just so tired of it.
And you just caught me at a bad moment where, Nick,
I'm lashing out, you happen to be in the way.
Right.
Yeah, I mean, I've never been the Asian flavor of the year,
you know, like Ken Jung had.
Let me put this in perspective, what Bobby just said.
There's a totem pole in this business.
White people are at the top.
Black people for a long time had to fight to be second.
And listen, thank God for the Tyler Perry's
and certain people, but let's be honest.
This is white folk, white folk shit.
We're second in the pecking order.
Anybody else in minority is below that.
Yeah.
Asians, Indians, Hispanics, I think a third.
Yeah.
Asian and Asians and Indians.
I think Asians are fourth and Indians are fifth. so I'm saying that to say we're third now
It might be I know you're spanner great. I don't think I surpassed spattix man. I don't think I have
What you do? Yeah, what you think we were for still I think you fourth man
I know but look at the international stuff like with the fucking squid games all these fucking great movies coming out of there And you know, I know bar. I all right well for America
We're for we're for but I'm just saying it as frustrating as it is for me to deal with some of the racism in this game
Yeah, I go god. I can only imagine what it's like Asian
Yeah, like when you think of the top Indian comedians whose first name pops first name pops in your head? Russell Peter's the only, yeah.
And then you might go as he's sensory.
Yeah, yeah.
And then who's after that?
When you think of the top Asians,
comedically, and I'm not saying this to Kish As,
but I know the name Bobby Lee,
I can't think of another Asian thing though.
Margot Cho.
That was a struggle.
I mean, a thick of Margot show. That was a struggle. I mean, a thick of Margaret.
Joe, that's why.
Okay, Ali Wong.
Okay, Annie Chang.
Well, this your favorite.
I'm not saying.
Never know.
Never know.
But what I'm saying in terms of movies, who's the biggest Asian movie saw?
Ken John.
Who has a,
Ronnie Chang's killing it now.
Okay, now.
Yeah, yeah. Who has the, who's the Asian with. Okay, now. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Who has the Asian with their own late night talk show?
Oh, never.
What Asian shows are on TV other than, was it...
Beef.
Fresh off the boat.
Fresh off the boat.
I didn't even heard it. I never heard a beef.
Wow.
That's Ollie Wong, right?
Yeah.
Netflix.
That just came out.
I know it.
That just came out.
So that's what I'm saying, like when you wanna talk about black people in film,
television, late night talk show, comedians,
we can reel them off all day.
As you go to each race, it gets less and less and less.
Yeah, but you have to, I think I found myself not,
I got to a point where it's like, I don't care.
That's a beautiful place.
Yeah, I really don't care now.
It's like, you know, so I get so many,
I get great calls, but you get so many bad ones
and you know, it got to the point
where I was reacting to every single, no.
But look at you honest, be honest with me.
Do you really not care?
Yeah.
I do, I don't care.
I did for years dude.
I like, I would relapse over it or I would think of like, you know what I mean.
I'm trying not to care.
Trying.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't care because I have paved my own road, you know what I mean with the podcasting
and the stand up and stuff like that.
So for me it's like, you know what this is my lane.
If anything else happens outside of that, then so be it.
And it's a gift.
I mean, I just booked an independent movie, you know,
in a couple of months, but it's like,
and when I got that call, it was like, cool.
But it's like, what, go ahead.
Go ahead.
Here is my hand.
I know you say you don't care.
Oh, here we go.
Deep down, I think we all do.
We might have to cut this out.
Go ahead.
Don't cut it out.
Put it in.
But you called me really upset the other day and you're like, I'm so
different. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, it's my fucking show. No, but people need to hear these stories,
especially people that look like you.
No, not this guy, not this story.
Really?
You hear it, when you hear it,
you know, there's certain things right there.
I tell you what, let me hear it.
How about you judge it?
I tell you what, no, let me hear it.
And then I'll say whether it should be cut out.
Okay.
No, because I'm friends with the guy,
and it was, here's, let me get a person's name out.
Listen, you're the only one that I would call to share
certain grievances, right?
Of course.
And the thing is that we're not seeing each other.
It doesn't matter.
Right, right.
So like for me to be vulnerable in front of you
to have that, right?
And for you to bring it up, it might be.
You said put it in earlier.
Let me hear the story, please.
And then we'll cut it up. Okay.
So you call me really upset and I was like, what's going on? And he says, stop. Here's why I think
you should leave it in because this is part of honesty that people need to know because people
have less than less than listen, unless they know the specifics about your story or a story.
People tend to think I'm the only one.
And nobody wants to feel alone.
Listen, I've been called bitter, angry.
And if times have I been angry, yes.
Deservately so, yes.
But as I'm trying to mature and navigate through this land
mind, called Hollywood, I'm going,
you gotta pick your battles better.
You gotta be careful about what you voice
in terms of your anger or your disappointment.
And there are things that I look at,
and I go, we know life ain't fair,
but sometimes it feels like life goes on
if it's way to be fucking cruel.
And you just go, I've worked hard for this,
I put into blood, the sweat, the tears,
and that's going to happen.
Yeah.
That feels fucked up.
And when you're trying to, when you're trying to hold on
the hope, you're trying not to give up,
you're having crying sessions,
you're having anger, punching holes in walls,
you're cursing yourself out, you're cursing at the stars,
you're just trying to make sense of it all.
And there are times when shit happens to me in life, and in this business where I go,
I'm not only one, we're cutting it out.
We're cutting it out.
We're cutting it out.
Beautiful speech though.
We can keep the speech in.
We're cutting it out.
And I'll tell you why because you don't have to say his name.
You don't have to say his name.
If that's what you were worried about, This is the reality that we have to accept.
That that's the way to cookie crumbles.
But let me tell you, it used to irritate me.
It still does.
When I see rappers in comedies,
T.I. and a comedy,
fucking ludicrous and a comedy,
because I'm sitting here going,
this is what we do.
We live, sleep, breathe, eat this shit.
This is our blood sweat and tears.
It runs to our veins
And I'm not saying they can't do well
But I know in terms of what I bring to the table. It's a muscle flex. It's an instinct. We don't think about it It happens so we can take what's on paper and go how do I make that funny?
How do I elevate what's already funny? Where's those guys?
Because that's not a muscle for them.
They just go, I'm strictly dependent on what is written.
Outside of what is written, I can't flex a muscle.
It'll be funny.
It's like when you look at Eddie Murphy on Bebwey O's Cup 2,
we don't know for sure, but it's comics and stink the Louie.
We go when he does the part where he goes,
yes, I want to see Victor Madeleine.
Tell him I have herbic simplexed here.
At home moment, you don't write that.
That's the genius of Eddie.
Yeah, yeah.
Now, you look at Ice Cube in a, are we there yet?
Seeing dad climbs to roof to fix roof, falls off ladder.
Cut to him in the bush with the sky view camera.
Look and goofy. That's written shit. Yeah, anybody could do that
That is direction. Look goofy. You just
That's slapstick bullshit. Yeah, yeah, but to be able to bring something this outside of what's written
That's what we do. So it's a little insulting to go word
Yeah, you're in you're in what I do. So it's a little insulting to go word. You're in what I do.
Yeah, yeah.
I get that.
And that's when you say that,
because you ain't supposed to,
always better, always angry.
Am I, I don't have the right to,
I mean, because everyone goes through it,
that's a problem.
If it was just you and I,
but it's an issue for everybody.
I mean, even at the top.
I just learned a phrase from one of my favorite shows
real time with Bill Mar.
I didn't know what a nipple baby was.
Oh.
You know what that was?
Yeah.
Okay, famous kids of big time iconic actors and celebrities
who go on to be in the business.
And it's like, listen man, one of my favorite actors,
my dream for me.
I love the work with Denzel.
I think he's the coldest, greatest actor right up there with
Pichino D'Anero. He's an icon.
Do an impression.
You don't want to let you do it.
Yeah, go ahead.
But, but, um,
Hey man, I don't know.
His son,
well, fans, his fans, I don't know what a, go, fans, his, his son I don't know. His son. Well, fences, fences, I don't know what I'm going to do.
Fences, fences.
His son, John David Washington,
and I've known Denzel for a long time,
because my manager, once upon a time ago,
was Norm Nixon, formerly of the Lakers,
married to Debbie Allen, and they're like best friends.
So Denzel will come over to the house, I will see Denzel.
I've known John David since he was a kid,
but cut to, you know, he's Denzel son.
So he gets to skip the line.
He gets to skip the process.
He gets to skip all the people
to drive the auditions,
talking in their cars,
going over it in the head a thousand times.
He gets to skip being in the room
with five other actors waiting to go in
and he's hearing their auditions making him go
Oh, I was gonna say it that way now. I got to quickly switch it up
You he skips the process of after the audition going home talking to yourself nervous
How am I gonna get it? It's a call coming fucking with what I should have did. How could I made it better?
You I got my rent. I got my fucking baby mama if I don't make this bitch happy I ain't gonna get no pussy
I got to buy my kids fucking put food on the table, clothes.
So he has to skip all of that.
Cause he's dense, that's so.
Can I make an argument?
May I argue?
Yeah.
Okay.
So, and I agree, right?
It is a little easier, but I know actors and stuff
that have famous parents, right?
And I know that they still had to audition, right?
Now, they still had to buy to get an agent, right?
What are you winking?
Because he definitely agrees with you.
Yeah, I mean, I also have to say that,
because I've worked with them, you know what I mean,
they kill it.
There's some of them do.
I know, but the ones that don't, you don't know,
like for instance, do you know who Francesca Hilton is?
Love her.
Oh yeah.
Right, Paris Hilton's on.
She was doing, trying to do standup for years.
She's terrible.
She never became a regular and she's passed away by the way.
You know, God rest your soul.
But my point is that Eric Douglas,
we're Kirk Douglas's son, Eric Douglas.
He started doing stand-up.
No one gave him stage time because it's terrible, right?
So if you're good and you're the son of whatever,
whatever, right, you're gonna make it.
It's a little easier.
But when you say that little easier is important,
because for a lot of us, a lot of people who aren't nipple babies say that little easier is important because for a lot of us a lot of people who aren't nipple babies that little easier
Almost never comes. Yeah, it's hard to accomplish little easier
Getting your foot in the doors almost impossible. I know but so that little easier helps
Listen if Michael Jordan's son could have made it in an NBA. He wouldn't be fucking larsopipit
son could have made it in NBA, he wouldn't be fucking Larson Pippin.
But that's his greatest accomplishment. And when your dad is the greatest fucking basketball player in the whole time, you know, it's pressure you got when you rain prior. Yeah. Come on.
I thought she was not good. Right. So fucking Larson Pippin. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So
it's it's it's it's no guarantee. It's not a birthright birthright? But again, that easier is huge.
That's what's so fair.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
That's so fair about sports.
Are there politics in sports?
Yes, but you ain't getting a hundred million dollar contract
if you can't warrant it.
If your talent doesn't warrant a hundred million,
they're not giving it to you
because of who your uncle was.
You still have to have the goods.
Yeah. Like stand up, like rain prior, rain prior did stand up, right?
And yeah, she might be able to get a showcase easier, right?
She might be able to get seen easier,
but she still has to deliver.
On the game, right?
Like that, Bobby?
But no, but these guys that I know, right,
that are, that have, you know what I mean, famous parents,
they, when they, I've seen them on set,
and they knock it out of the park.
Thank you guys, you're actually both agreeing,
not realizing you're agreeing on that.
No, no, I, I'm realizing, I'm realizing.
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing,
I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I'm realizing, I. Yes, I love a lot. But there's a slight difference that I think is more important than he's not understanding.
Let me say, let me say, man, okay, thank you.
So check it out, okay.
But the road that I took to get to this moment right here,
I wouldn't change any of it, right?
You wouldn't change it in the night?
No, no, I wouldn't.
All right.
The way I signed up for Open Mike in 1995,
the way I hit Mike's every night and the rejection
and the pain and the suffering, it was hard.
I just remember it being hard, but I am proud of myself
that I'm resilient enough.
And it's the only thing in the world that I've ever done
right, right?
It's the only thing in the world where I can look back and go Right? It's the only thing in the world where I can look back
and go, you know what, dude?
I'm so proud of you because, you know what I mean?
You went through all that shit and you never gave up.
And now I have a killer, I love my life, I love it.
I love everything about my life, right?
And I'm just, you know, I don't know what it's like
to be a nipple baby, you know what I mean?
But I know that they don't essentially feel the way I feel about my own career, you know.
And my parents were immigrants.
They didn't speak English, right?
And no connections to Hollywood.
When I came to LA, I lived in the parking lot at the comedy store for a month in my truck.
I slept there.
And Jimmy Schubert used to buy me lunches and this and that to survive.
And I just remember doing all those things
and I got on TV a bunch of times.
I did the Tennitio, I did movies.
You know what I mean?
I sell tickets, you know, it's incredible in my life.
And I did that.
And also being an Asian guy back then,
some of these Asian people are here,
they're killing it, it's fine.
But I did it when it was almost impossible
Marker tonight we were she was here last week Mark and show and I and we talked about it was so hard for us back then and I look back and I go you know what dude?
Wow how amazing is it that you're strong enough to get there and I got there and I survived it
I'm proud of myself. Listen in my personal Buick, I mean opinion
I don't you know what you I don't think I said you did
What was the context of this guy?
Maddenica
You don't sound like Buick the only word I remember fucking up right was
Was Shataki and what did you say?
Shatek.
You know what?
And listen, there's a lot of black bitch Asian
who's names and what an Isha who say that.
Oh really?
Oh my god, how much of these shatek in my throne?
Yeah, yeah.
Okay, so you had a black moment.
But listen, what I'm saying is this.
And all of a sudden-
Isn't shatekian Asian word?
It's an Asian mushroom.
It's Japanese mushroom, yeah, yeah.
Oh, that's it.
But wait, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know,
I forget my point.
Here's the other thing, back to the NEPO babies.
Here's the other thing that's kind of crazy is,
okay, I got it, you still have to be able to deliver.
But even if you fail, you're gonna be homeless.
You wonder where your next meal is coming from.
Denzel's son, whoever's son, daughter, they straight.
Parents ain't gonna let their kids live in a cardboard box
under the freeway.
So even if they fail, they still rich for life,
they still ain't got to worry about
what your next meal is coming from.
For a lot of struggling actors who sleep in their cars
and who struggle, if they don't make it,
they still live in that life.
So on top of the fact that nipple babies get to skip the line,
you also live comfortably even in failure.
Where's the people that are struggling with talent?
When does that existence cease?
So, you know, and again, I know violin,
Crimea, river, boohoo, unfair, unfair,
and it's easy for people to say that when they're not in this life.
When you're in this life and you wear these shoes and you're the one struggling,
you're the one worrying about your next meal,
paying your rent, taking care of your kids and all that other shit,
talk to me then.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think most Nepo babies would probably agree that they absolutely had a leg up
and for a couple legs up, you know, so.
Yeah, but, you know, I put it in a broader sense.
How many NEPO baby friends do you have
because you're really going to bat for them?
And don't, I have a lot and I've worked with them
and some of them are real good friends of mine
and I know how many of them help you.
They do help me a lot.
They owe you. They do help me a lot. They owe you.
They do help me a lot.
In fact, NEPO babies have helped me more
than regular babies.
NEPO babies have helped me a lot, right?
And also it's like, and I know that they've helped me.
Like I did a TV show, a network show,
where a NEPO baby pulled me aside, right?
Angos just breathed, I've been there, you know,
because there was like a, there was a, Oh, I love that NEPO baby. Yeah, I love that NEPO aside, right? Angos, just breathe, I've been there, you know, because there was like a, there was a,
Oh, I love that NEPO baby.
Yeah, I love that NEPO baby, right?
There was a section of, all right,
but there was a section of this thing
in the, some sort of model I was doing,
where I couldn't get my head around it
and this NEPO baby pulled me aside.
It was very generous and it was like,
I've been through this, breath,
this is what you need to do.
And they've been very, very helpful in my life.
Now, but I wanna have a broader point though, if I may.
Go ahead.
So I'm watching, I've just finished Ken Burns documentary,
The War.
The World War II.
But World War II.
Ken Burns.
He's one of the greatest documentary filmmakers
of all time, and he did documentaries about the Vietnam war
But I just saw the one with World War 2, right?
And it's like, you know millions of Americans died, right?
You and I in the 40s, right, would have been shipped to
Normandy or North Africa or you know, I mean some
Pacific islands somewhere seeing and fighting the worst fucking war, right and death and violence and I mean, we were born in the right time. We weren't born in the 1800s. We were born, you know what I mean?
We were born, we were born.
We live in an America that's,
it's never been like this in America, right?
So it's like, we have this opportunity to go up and perform
and do the things we were free.
There's no death and violence.
And we were born in the right time.
We weren't born in the 1800s.
We were born, you know what I mean?
We were born, we were born, we live in an America that's it's never been like this in America, right? So it's like we have this opportunity to go up and perform and do the things we were free
There's no death and violence. So it's like, you know, you know, we should just be grateful and happy. That's a great outlook
It's a great outlook. It's hard to have that outlook when your winners do and you two months behind
Oh, yeah, I'm kind of hard to have that outlook when your baby mother like nigga, you're most pussy.
You know what I mean?
80s bills.
That's true.
You get the shrapnel on the bills.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
That's why I know, listen, and that's part of what I am working on for myself.
Did you read a book or something?
What the fuck happened to you?
You went to therapy?
Like what the fuck happened?
Now man, I'm just something happened.
I'm getting older man. I'm getting older, man.
I'm just trying to, you know,
smarten up a little bit, you know?
I like it.
I like it.
You know that.
And, you know, like I said, man,
I wanted to, you know, understand,
prior to what, before I got here,
five minutes, I saw on my Instagram,
a skit that I had posted, and Mo commented,
nothing beloved, you know, I love Mo,
that's my sister. So I hit her back love and I love Mo, that's my sister.
So I hit her back and I'm chiseling like a little more
fuck I said, I am five minutes away from doing Bobby Lee.
Yeah.
Because I remember when she, when you had her on
and she kind of alluded to something
and she knows what the history with me and you.
So it just, as a maturity thing,
it feels good to kind of go.
You know what I mean?
I want to say something nice.
Go ahead.
And I just had this feeling and this is real.
Uh-oh.
Like, I know about you, but, and I don't say this out loud, but I have this feeling about
Mad TV.
First of all, number one, it's like, it's my family.
Okay, yeah.
Like, when I, you know, I just did a movie, I think seven or eight months ago
with Will Sassa, we were in Florida
shooting a couple of scenes in a movie.
And there's just a feeling that I have when I'm around you,
even you, when I think about you, yeah, even you,
when I think about you, you're sort of like,
this brother that I don't really get along with,
but still I love because I feel like,
you know, this
business looked at Matt TV during that time as SNL's bitch.
Okay.
Right.
Fair.
And, you know, I remember, you know, when other people would leave that show back then,
they would get deals and all these things, right?
And we left and we had to go back in line.
We really did, right? And we left and we had to go back in line. We really did, right? And so,
you know, I was, I looked back at Matt TV and the people that were on it with just love
and fun memories. And, you know, I ran into, I was walking down large mat, maybe a couple
of months ago. Do you remember this? And I hear Bobby and it was Michael Hitchcock. And Hitchcock goes, me, Jennifer Joyce, and Jim Wise are eating at this pace to come.
So I went and I sat there and ate with them.
And we're talking to shit.
And because they were all writers and producers on Mat TV.
And I just have this feeling when I'm,
and then while you were on this show,
just now, this last hour, I was like,
why I love this guy? Why did, you know, I really do. Like why did we even have this thing? And I'm glad you were on the show just now, this last hour, I was like, why, I love this guy, why did, you know, I really do.
Like, why did we even have this thing?
And I'm glad we, you came on.
You should never turn our calls, Nick.
I know, I know, I know, I know.
Oh my God.
I almost hit the end word.
I don't see it anymore.
Like I get trouble, right?
And where, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
My point is that, what, I know,
it's like the Asian Joe Pesci from Lito West.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Lito West. Yeah, I am like that.
But my point is, is that I am from now on,
from now on, from this day fourth, right?
You and I are at a different place.
From this day fourth, there is no more shit talking.
From this day fourth, you are my brother, my comrade.
We were in the platoon, we were in World War II together.
We were fighting the shit, right?
We're in the shit, okay?
So I promise you, no more, right?
But we had to do this because, you know,
there were just some things in the past
and I think we've-
Right, yeah.
When you say in the shit, I got to pause
because you might mean me and you
Listen man, you actually actually saw you on one of my favorite shows man sex in the city
And I was oh shit, probably yeah, so you know, I was bad. No, you're great Okay, but it was one of that's truly one of my favorite shows. Why why do you like this new version of it? I can't fucking stand
Okay, and I've been with them for the whole six seasons
I can't fucking stand. Okay.
And I've been with him for the whole six seasons.
Yeah, the two movies after.
I even own the pink velvet six season DVD case.
What is it?
Why would you love that?
Why are you writing?
Oh, the writing's good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Here's why I don't like the new book, the reboot.
One year ain't got Samantha.
So the band's not really there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Two, you killed off my nigga big
So that bothering yeah, and now here's the third thing. We isn't eight and back now
Yeah, being big. Oh, I was always an eight and Stan. Yeah, but big was the dude
But listen, here's here's the other thing
It's just a shocky that you like oh
Random Samantha I don't be racist. I thought maybe the wire you would have said
I've all of that.
And you know what?
I think that's one of the overrated TV shows.
Wow.
I love it.
Wow.
I love it.
I fell off after season two.
Yeah, yeah.
But that's interesting.
The third thing that I don't like is it feels like an
engendit to me.
Cynthia Nixon, who's gay in real life.
On the show was the straight as an arrow.
Her character Miranda was always business.
She would be the character of the four
that would be most likely to go.
Not saying she's hating on gay people,
but that ain't my lane.
But now it feels like they made her girlfriend.
She gave her a girlfriend and all of a sudden she's gay. And I'm just going, this to me feels like they made her girlfriend, she gave her a girlfriend, and all of a sudden she's gay.
And I'm just going, this to me feels like an agenda.
If you had established within the show, during its run,
I love it.
That she was bisexual, then I can't, I can't, I can't. I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can't, I can, I can, I Samantha had a girlfriend. But that's Samantha's character. You're right. Samantha would do that.
You're right.
Samantha was all over the place.
That was her energy.
Oh my God.
I'm a little bit...
You're so passionate.
Miranda got married to Steve at Brady.
Right.
They moved to Brooklyn.
Yeah.
I don't know anyone's name.
I show up on set.
I don't know who's who.
Wait, why don't you tell your Samantha's story.
Kim Kattrell.
You're your best friend. Uh Katroule, your best friend.
Are your friends with Kim Katroule?
No.
I don't know.
I'm not friends with her.
She was just, I know I've already told the story
too many times upon guys, but just,
if for the records, I don't want to get in trouble.
Gay people, muzzle tough, have added baby.
Yes.
Yes.
I'm just saying like, you feel like you're doing this to be, hey, we're part of the times, we're hip, we're treadmill,
we're at her, it feels forced.
Because that wasn't her character.
So that's model four.
Anyway, wow.
Anyway, I did a commercial and she wasn't really not like,
but I'm gonna be honest with you.
And this is exactly from what he was saying.
I wasn't good that day. And this is exactly from what he was saying.
I wasn't good that day.
And during the commercial.
So I did a commercial even before I did Matt TV
with Kim Kertrell, and I just wasn't good.
She was nice to you.
And as soon, like I did five or six takes,
Michael Bay directed it.
Oh shit!
And I did five or six takes on something.
What commercial was this?
Pepsi.
With me, Eric Stone Street
were towel guys for Kim Katerl.
Wow.
Right, and I wasn't good that day,
and in retrospect, why would anyone be nice to a guy
that's just like so nervous and fumbling the ball?
You just proved my, why I was,
I know, that's what I'm saying.
She, what she did was, she walked up to me
and Eric stones at the end of the day,
we're standing together.
She looks at, because Eric stones were killed it.
You know Stone Street, right?
No, modern family.
He's on modern families, the Fat Gag I am, modern family.
Okay, okay, okay.
Stone Street killed it.
And she walks right up to Eric
and goes, you have a bright future.
And then she looks at me and she just walked away.
But was it one of those looks where it was like,
so she letting you know what I was saying.
I think so, yeah.
And I just remember my heart shattered
and my inside of my body, right?
But in retrospect, I was terrible.
I remember I did Conan.
I don't forget what time it was.
I had done Conan like seven times.
I forget which time I had done it.
But Sarah Jessica Parker was on before me.
So I saw her in the dressing room and I fucking melted.
It's like you are one of my favorite show.
Oh my god, Carrie.
I don't know.
I don't think you should be with Petroski.
You think you're your guy.
I like Aiden.
Berger was a loser.
But yeah.
Yeah.
Wait, are you a carry?
Like, carry was your girl of all of them?
Of all of them Samantha.
Okay.
But, carry's relationship was big.
I tell you, I really love Charlotte.
Them legs, man.
Charlotte, he heals, oh my God.
She was a bit prudy, but bitch has some legs.
Yeah, she's a country club bitch.
Yeah, but the legs got damn it. Oh
You're boggling me fucking my right now. I'm telling you my favorite shows of all time
So pranos and then sex in the city
I'm telling you
proudly right now I would be on the plane to pull out my pink velvet case
Yeah, man, no shame baby no
Insane that's unbelievable to me. Yes, so are you on the road or what do you let's talk about now? Yeah, okay?
Do you have a podcast? Yes? What's it called spears and Steinberg and you do it by yourself. No, my feature comedian Andy Steinberg.
Like I? Yes. Jewish. Berg. Nigger. We do it on the road. Week to week. Yeah.
It's been out for about going on five years now. Oh, good, good. And to all the people,
this is my camera, right? Yeah, right. To all the people, please subscribe. Also, go to our YouTube
channel, Spearsburg Pod.
But we didn't get on YouTube until probably two years in.
So if you really wanna follow the podcast,
and I know 400 plus episodes is a lot,
but I suggest you listen from the beginning
and go in order because of the callbacks,
the jokes, certain things you'll understand.
Binge, baby.
Yeah, binge.
Spears of Steinberg.
We crack cocaine, man. Oncears of Steinberg. I mean, we crack cocaine, man.
Once you get a hit, you know,
you in your dressing room shitting on the floor.
I think, dude, honestly, I think my fans
are gonna go to see it.
I hope they do, man.
And check it out.
I'm telling you, so many people was like,
yo, you need to do Tiger Belly, yo, yo.
So I was just, I know they're gonna like this,
cause they, this is-
I'm glad you came.
And also, I'm gonna say something else, bold.
Uh-oh.
I want you back on.
Now be fun.
You should have me back on.
You know what I do?
Once a year we should do it.
Yeah.
Because he's such a great impressionist too.
And so, right, maybe you can teach him
how to do impressions and stuff.
This is where the war will start again though.
Why?
Cause you just promised something?
Oh no, no, listen, I know, no, no, no, no,
talking to your boss. Like Will Smith said in suicide talk. Oh, you no, listen. I know. No, a long, it's just a long thing.
Give me cliff notes.
Can you give me a cliff note?
Listen, just at the end of the day, we decided that we should, you know, love each other,
be best friends, which we are.
I love ourselves.
Still do the pod.
We do the pod together.
I was at her house a couple days ago.
I mean, we see each other often.
See that that's part of my growth because I can't once we break up
No, I can't be around spussy that I've been in and we just laughing
Yeah, yeah, have you been in something a decade long? Yes, okay?
It was like I can't know I'm not live by Taliban rules
I was like, I can't know you. I'm not live by Taliban rules.
Oh.
Yeah, what's your mind, bitch, you mind.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't have Taliban.
How people go, Catholic.
Don't we're broken up.
But we're still free.
Now, he's a little Taliban still,
because the other day, he came over for dinner,
and I was like, hey, what if I start getting serious
with somebody, and he was like, no.
And also, bitch, you can't get married, bitch. And I was like, well, what if I start getting serious with somebody and he was like no and also
bitch you can't get married bitch and I was like well what if I want to you
know kind of like I wanted I was considering doing motherhood alone like
getting like a sperm donor and he was like no no do that do that you just
know you can do that or you don't want just a real dude you want a
spring I'm just I was kidding by by the way. So wait a minute.
If she has, you have male friends?
Yeah.
He's dated a lot more than me.
I've dated like two guys since our break up.
Would you, you not wanted him dudes who would be like,
you know, we could all hang out.
You her and her male.
No, no.
No, but I would have been,
I would have been okay with him,
like bringing another girl in.
But women y'all don't feel as good as you.
I mean, I know, like we do.
That's true.
I know two dudes, right?
Their names and what they look like that she is, you know what I mean?
Right.
That I've dated?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't want to say their names.
You don't have to.
And their names are on the list.
I have a list.
Oh, and what was that list?
It's my own list.
Listen, real male friendship don't get tested to you helping Nick Abarri somebody.
Keep your names, dog. I'll give them that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Nick is at the beach. If they black, they can't say anything.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you married? What's going on with you? Anything?
You know, I got my baby mother. I got two baby mothers, but the one who I'm
really trying to reconcile with got two kids with you know
We working on it. You have two kids. Yeah, I got three kids and they live with you. No, baby mama baby mom
Yeah, but you guys were broken up and now you're trying to like work it work out again
We've been broken up back together so many times, but now we trying to really make it you know happily ever after the end
Yeah, cuz I'm too old to date. I'm 48.
I don't have the energy.
I don't have the time, you know,
dating is for young people, man.
Yeah, it's, you know, when you said you were 48,
it's crazy because I remember you,
what, what, how old were you when you did Dev Jam?
The first time.
He was 16.
Imagine being 16 years old doing Dev Jam.
And then show time at the Apollo 17.
Yeah.
And then how old were you when you got mad? 22. Wow. Wow.
So you just, you know, I didn't do stand up until it was 23.
Right. Yeah.
That's amazing. I forget how young you were.
Yeah. When you scared, when you did,
Deft Jammer, no.
I'm still terrified to this day when I do stand up.
Yeah, it's brother, it's 16.
Mark is right there. Take this out.
Look at him. Look at how he looks. That's you? Shit, they do stand up. Yeah, this brother is 16 months right there. Take this out, look at him, look at how he looks.
That's you!
You shit, they do the most.
Watch cartoons.
Your voice is just-
Pitch you coming down to steps one more
and your little kids watching a favorite set of one.
Yeah, yeah.
You hate a banana, yeah, yeah.
Oh my God.
So incredible.
So, that look is like in now.
You just, I had a flat top perm.
That's in incredible.
And champion sneakers.
Yeah.
And now what you could tell that was my Eddie Murphy phase
because I had leather gloves on.
I was such an Eddie Murphy fanatic that when I saw a raw,
I was like, yeah, I got a weird black leather gloves.
Yeah, yeah.
I was going, well, all of the soup,
but I thought that might be too much.
That's amazing.
Yeah. So listen, we're done because we only do an hour. Yeah, yeah, I was going way out all of the soup, but I thought that might be too much. That's amazing. Yeah
so listen We're done because we did we only do an hour look at you guys
How long how long we on how long look at over an hour? Do we really yeah look at that?
where are you at oh?
So that was when okay Keegan was on run by the honest with you. Yeah, those weren't even the best years
Is it this one because there's only two photos of the full cast from.
That was that was my first year.
Yeah, that was it.
I think once you know, when we got Will,
Oh, so what I came on it was the bad years.
No, no, you added to the bulls.
We were already the championship bulls.
Is he right?
I know, I know.
Yeah, right, right, right.
He Rodman, who is he?
No, I'm not Rodman, I'm not.
I think he's a strong Judd Bushler. Look lonely. Yeah, I remember that was you're right, you're right. She Rodman, who is he? No, I'm not Rodman, I'm not saying that. She's a strong Judd Bushler.
Look, long.
Yeah, I remember, that was the, yeah, that was it.
Yes.
This podcast is about what we just did.
Yes.
About grievances and being real.
Right.
And history and all that stuff.
Yes.
That's not fucking put icing on this cake.
Yeah, absolutely.
Let's put icing on it.
No, no, no.
You're not putting a pressure.
You can't do one. It's too hard.
It's coming. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let me just do three, man.
I'll give you one impression.
I can't believe it.
I think you got to do one.
I don't do impression.
After tried.
No, no, no.
All right, all right.
Let's see if we can guess who it is.
Let's play that game.
It'll be easy to guess who it is.
No, I don't know people.
He doesn't know.
You really don't know people.
As soon as I make the facial no.
Okay, go, go.
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby.
Bill Cosby, Bill Cosby.
Okay.
Are you Spanish?
I'm Filipino.
Really?
Yeah.
You know, I thought you was Spanish.
You see?
I was Spanish to see
To make you a drink by me called the penis Kalana
Okay, do another face if I can guess it oh
Shit, you know what I
Don't know I think so I think is it not chat you're doing Chad right? Yeah. Okay, that's not scored 28. That's incredible.
It's incredible.
You another one.
Fucking Shmeji Shaiber.
You wanna do that the fuck a fuck?
Go get it.
But that one's streaming fucking platforms.
Oh my gosh, listen to it.
Quistar was so pussy.
Yeah, I'm gonna do that.
You fucking check.
Wow.
That's incredible.
Thank you, sir.
Do another one.
Well, I'm done.
No, no, no.
End work.
End work.
I like this game.
That's the face.
I don't know.
Go do the evergreen ones that are like, let's start difficult first.
I mean, that's easy for me.
But nobody else has a face.
But Erro does.
Yeah, but I don't do the Nero.
Do the Nero.
No. See, you do the N do denero. Do denero. No.
See, you do denero.
All right, jeez.
You do denero.
Everyone does it walking, can you do a walking?
It's terrible.
Why?
I can't do that.
That's deno.
It's pretty good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Jeff Goldblum, can you?
Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.
That's it, that's it.
I can feel like it does.
This guy is so sick.
He's like a special Olympics kid. He just sees McDonald's in balloon. This balloon's in balloon's. Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, Who gives a fuck Reggie Ridge me a fee not a f you're God free a Dean and
We're free. Yeah. Um, there's a brother out of Brooklyn named Seeking. Uh-huh. When I tell you he does Denzel like Frank does Madden
It puts us to shame. Oh, I see. So I stop. I was like I do it
Bobby you making me laugh at do it damn nigga. Huh. Don't say that go all right. All right. All right. I can't do that
That was great. That's all I want is one word
Yeah, are you missing? Let's go. Let's go Kim Jong uniform. Let's go different. I'm gonna go more difficult
No, Robin can you drop the William? No, I'm oh my god
So good uh tennis robin uh, Dennis Robman.
I don't know what he sounds like, but.
I was about to add only one sub of the balls.
But Michael Jordan, Michael Jordan is the best player.
It's really good.
Oh, thanks.
You don't even know.
That's very good.
Like I said, you're one of the best
impressionists I've ever seen.
But I just, I've always, I don't want to be known for just that.
I'm not a one trick poet.
And, and during this fucking podcast, you got huge laughs
with just being you, dude.
Okay.
So we fucking know already, bro.
All right.
We already know it, dude.
All right, chill, bro.
I really like this podcast.
I really, this was a great one.
I think you both really just grew up.
We grew up here.
Yeah, never, we're never gonna do this again.
We're never gonna talk shit.
We're not.
Right out the honor.
My dick is as big as Bobby Lee.
My dick, at home, my butt.
My shit has the girl.
I love my dick.
My dick is good.
His dick's actually average.
Really?
Yeah, shut the shit out of me.
How many inches?
I would say like a solid five.
Okay, I got you beat by two.
Six.
You're not a six.
You are not a six.
Five point five.
You're most women, five point five.
Women say that big shit, not-
Yeah, it's not husband dick is where it's at.
Husband dick, okay.
I have husband dick.
Yeah, you actually do.
Like when I saw Ken's dick on hangover, I was like,
oh, that's not what it looks like.
Because you're real small soft,
but you actually, you're a grower.
Oh, it does look like that.
You're a grower.
It does look like that.
But when it grows, it grows.
It's like the incredible hope.
I'm about to lose my black eye.
Why, why?
Because black men don't discuss shit like this openly.
Yeah, man.
Mary, what's your line for comedy then?
What would you...
I don't really have a line, but I will quote three of the greatest comics ever. Dave should be. Yeah, man Mary's what's your line for like comedy then like what so what would you
What I don't really have a line, but I will quote three of the greatest comics ever Dave should tell you should know where the line is in comedy
That way you know I'm paraphrasing you should know where the line is in comedy
To decide whether or not you you can cross it
George Carlin you should know where the line is in comedy and deliberately cross it. And let me go back, Dave's was,
you don't know where the line is in comedy
until you cross it.
Carlin, you should know where the line is,
deliberate cross it.
Patrice O'Neill, good comedy should leave the audience,
50% laughing and the other 50% horrified.
Yeah.
And I think Patrice is one of the great,
right next to Dave.
I agree. I think elephant in the room is one of the great right next to Dave.
I agree.
I think elephant in the room is one of the greatest
specials ever see his all this stuff.
I still watch it.
And he makes me still after he's one.
But I agree with all three of those statements.
So what's, you know, and you know, I'm born 75.
I'm an 80s baby.
So this whole woke political sit, I don't play that.
My comic cocaine uncut
Yeah, you know, you know, I think that if we had to do it over again, maybe we could I think maybe we would and we would do it
We absolutely are giving areas appears around the applause. That was amazing مقابلولي رولوها يا مادة رولوها رولوها
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