TigerBelly - Ben Schwartz & Notoriously Wild

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

Actor Ben Schwartz (Sonic, Parks & Rec) stops by the studio & Jamie fangirls.    Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly Spring Savings Event April 1, 2025 → April 30, 202520% Off Sitewide Draftkings -- Just sign up with code TIGERBELLY and wager a minimum of five dollars to receive FIVE HUNDRED CASINO SPINS ON A FEATURED GAME.  Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to www.rocketmoney.com/belly today. Start your free online visit today at www.him.com/belly. www.him.com/belly for your personalized hair loss treatment options. www.hims.com/belly 

["Sukulukumala"] Hey, don't look at me. You can look at me like, yeah. You can look at me like, yeah. Hey. Six. What's his absolute number? But I told people May 5th, so they can laugh. Kind of like ironic, Mexican. Cinco de Mayo. Yeah, yeah, Cinco de Mayo.

Guess what? Nobody laughs. So, what do you want to do? Hi. Oh. Hey. Oh my gosh. Sweet.

Hell yeah. Why are you shooting? Hi, dude. How you doing, man? Why are you shooting? Good, man. Why are you shooting? This guy is the fucking guy. Hell yeah Then you have to work the bed their employees you have to meet everybody, you know, yeah Yeah, they're employees Bro

You play music in this? A little bit. Oh, put those headphones on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, Henry, please don't sing. You want to have the opening line or what?

Yeah, can I introduce him? Oh, you do? Big fan. Big fan. You're a fan of mine? Yeah. Oh, we'll see what happens. By the song, by the intro, we'll see.

We'll see. Okay. Can I do a character reverse? Are you doing a song or a character reverse? Can you do the song as my character? Yeah. Holy shit, I can't wait for this. Ready? I'm John Ruffio. Okay.

He's the worst. You stopped the music. I know because it wasn't, let me do a couple of bars. You can just, it's gonna also be in tune and it's also gonna be in the rhythm. But he already blew it, you know what he's gonna do in today. I know, you have to come up with something else now. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, that's called the improv guy. Okay. He said you're big fans, this should be easy, right? It's not just that one famous character, you know like other things. I know, uh, Milkman. All right, take your time. Okay.

A couple bars, you tell him when, Bobby. Tell me when. Now. Okay, I'm gonna drop a couple. Yeah, you can start from the beginning. Bro, bro, do you know how music works? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And that was an incredible intro, too. The music was unbelievable. But Ben, I was in the fucking zone, dude. I felt it. You felt it, right? A connection and you fucked it up. My ad. What? My my ad?

My ad. My pad. My my ad. Ben, I wanna say something to you before we get into the song. We found this kid. Oh, where'd you find him? Here in this garage.

He came with a guy named Ralph Barboza. Okay. You know him? No, but the name is great. It's a really good name. It's a great name. For Hispanic, that's a top notch. Oh my God, okay.

I'll let you make those jokes, but I'll be. What do you mean? You gotta keep going. Well, you think Ralph Barbosa is not a good Hispanic name? Is it? I met a Jose and I'm not really, I'm not digging it. When I meet a Jose, I don't dig it. It's like, come on, I've been there, done that.

Okay. You know what I mean? It's like, you know. Be more original. Right. How are you not playing piano under this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah there, done that. Okay. You know what I mean? It's like, you know. Be more original. Right. How are you not playing piano under this? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like meeting a Japanese guy named Yoshi. I don't like it.

Don't like it, don't like it. It's like meeting a white guy named Craig. Oh. Big? Ben. Oh, Ben. Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay, good. So can we

How about not how about not everyone do a line in this we're gonna do a line you two is this what the show is You sing every show does everybody sing every show this is a new thing. Oh great. I love it. I can't wait What are we singing about you start it's a. It's a new, it's a new, it's a new thing. Okay. What are we singing about? You start it. It's a new, it's a new, it's a new, it's a new thing. My name is, it's an intro. My name is Bobby Lee. When it's erect it's four inches long.

But it's thick. No, you can do, this is my talent. Yeah, keep going. It's my talent. Don't ever stop. Yeah. It's like a spam can. The thickness of it.

Yeah, I get it. I get it. Not the smell of it. You know what I mean? Yeah. Thickness. God, you're good. You're so good, yeah. Thickness. You're so good. Yeah.

Thickness. High-make up. My name is Hyman. Yeah. But sometimes I go by Ernie. It's a character of mine. It's in the works. It's not doing so good.

Good. Jules. My name is Jules. Wow. This is every episode? Yeah, let her cook, let her cook, let her cook, let her cook. You can call me Rudy.

I'm from the Philippines. I have monkey feet. Wow. Wow, that was, that's a shocker. I know you do have them. What does that mean? Monkey feet? Is that a...

Syntometry really quickly. Yeah. Oh, can you grip on a thing? Yeah. Ben? Ben? My name is Ben. I'm sitting next to a spam can.

And we're all just trying our very best. So good. Okay. So let's try our best together. Today. Today. Wow. Very excited great. Ben Schwartz everybody. Wow. Very excited to be here. Ben. Are you sponsored by one of these beverages? No, no, but they're for you. We get them for you.

Thank you very much. And what a pleasure to have you on the program today. My name is Bob. I'm the captain of the ship. This is my podcast. You know, people think it's other people's, like it's, you know what I mean? It's mine. This is your party

Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does that make you two feel? I'm grateful. I'm grateful Yeah, yeah, and I want to give you some of your credits if I may If I may you want to give me my own credit, I mean the audience, you know, okay great audience wants to know Okay, although they probably do already know no probably not. Yeah, yeah. I never assume anybody knows who I am. Really? Yep, never. Can I do it? Okay, all right, you can do it. All right guys, we have the one and only Ben Schwartz

from College Humor, Parks and Recreation. My first credit is College Humor. Oh, yeah. All right, we're going into, we're going into, we're going into date. Go big first, go big and then, okay. Oh, I like this. Okay. College Humor, Parks and Rec. Parks and Recs. Alright, we're going in it. We're going in it. We're going in it. Go big first. Go big and then...

No, I like this. College humor, Parks and Recs. Parks and Recs, the House of Cards. House of Lies. House of Cards. House of Cards. House of Cards. And the franchise that saved my relationship with my stepkids, Sonic the Hedgehog.

Yeah, okay, great. Wow, amazing. Three Sonic. Write three Sonics. How many step kids do you have? Two. Two, and how old are they? 10 and 11.

10 and 11, okay, we can give them a Sonic voice note. Do you want that before it's over? Yeah. You don't want it? Oh, you don't want it? I'm not with her no more, so. Pfft. So if they're listening, or if she's listening to this podcast,

you could have for free and easily said yes and given her something her kids would have loved. But instead, so the world knows who listening to this podcast, you could have for free and easily said yes and given her something her kids would have loved. But instead, so the world knows who listens to this, you're saying, I don't want them to have that joy. Not right now. Okay, all right. Wow. Ben Schwartz, everybody.

Thank you. Clap, clap, clap, very good, very good. Very excited to be here. Jaime, what happened to them? Are you still in contact with your stepkids? No. Okay. Maybe not the shout out maybe though.

Yeah, not a good shout out. They're out of your life, you know? At the time. Yeah, but go ahead. So Ben, you do improv still, we talked outside a little bit. I do long form improv. Yeah.

Do you guys, has anybody here ever done long form improv? Nope. Yes, there you go. No. Hey, there you go. It's boring. Oh, you think it's boring? I mean, it's a lot.

Okay. I've seen Ike do it. Have you seen? Oh, Ike's good. He's very good at it. I've seen Keegan and Jordan do it. They're both incredible. I think you've seen Mike McDonald do it,

and a bunch of people do it. You're naming some of the people who are the best at it. The best in the world. Well, I didn't say it like that. All right. They're great, yeah! I don't think. Wow, masters of the second city and the groundlings.

They done it all. And UCB, and UCB. UCB too. What school do you come from? It's UCB? Upright Citizens Brigade Theater in New York. I was a page. Ooh, ooh la la.

I was an intern there so I can afford classes. You know Amy Poehler? Yeah, sure. I was an intern for her show, sure. We had that bald guy on. What's his, I love him. The bald, Barack Obama? Yeah, we. I was an intern for her show. Sure. We had that bald guy on. What's his? I love him The ball Barack Obama Yeah, we had Brock. No the redhead. We love I did the movies with him

You don't guess he was in VP Veebs Veeb. Oh Matt Walls. He's not from he's not bald Oh, he's all right. He's right. I'm right here. Yeah, he's the best. He's so funny. That's what you see He is Oh, he also red. He's red hair? He's red hair, yeah, he's the best. He's so funny. Is that from UC? Yeah, he is from Upright City. And Redhead, because we're trying to figure out which one of those is real. Well, how many people started fucking- If he's bald, you can't see him. Matt Walsh, you're right.

How many people started UCB? How many people started UCB? This is what it is. Four. Amy Poehler, right? They came from Chicago. And who has red hair amongst all of them? Amy Poehler, Matt Walsh.

There we go, look at- Matt Besser. He's not bald? Maybe he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, he's the best, I love him. He's so good.h. There we go, look at that. Matt Besser. He's not bald? Maybe he is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. God, he's the best, I love him. He's so good. When I was an intern, I helped him move

into his apartment in New York. That was one of the things I had to do as an intern. Whoa. I remember that. He was the best. Was he cool then or no? He was the coolest then. Sorry.

And I was just an intern. I was very much the lowest of the low and he was so, all of them were. Were you nervous in the run room a little bit? Around him? Yeah. At the beginning, all of them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. so, all of them were. Amy. Were you nervous in the run room a little bit? Around him? Yeah. At the beginning, all of them. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're all heroes, yeah. Heroes. I hadn't been on stage yet. They had created the theater that taught me how to do stuff. Wait, you didn't take any classes by then, or no? I was taking, you intern so you can get free classes. So once you intern, they allow you to take classes for free. Well, so then you're a pro at improv,

and these two kids here, they don't know much about it. So maybe we could do like a mini class. Do you guys just stand up? He does, yeah. How about yourself? No, never. No. But they don't know the rules.

Let me throw some- Can I tell you something that'll be so fun and really not boring? Talking about the rules of improv. Can I tell you something that's really gonna hit your demographic perfect? Me really breaking down step by step the rules of the long-term. Man, fuck you!

Hit the song, new song, got to be a new beat. I'll give you the rules, it's got to be a new beat. Yeah, yeah. I only do slow music, but... No. Oh, that works? No, it doesn't. You can't make a mistake, anything is great.

No, I don't like it. I'm so nervous. That works? You can't make a mistake, anything is great. No, I don't like it. I'm so nervous. What? Okay, I'll just talk. No, no, no, please give me a shot. Of course. Okay, give me back to the beginning, we can get there.

Okay. Changes chords. Okay, I'm gonna keep going. Oh man, that's a tough progression. Keep going. Give me. Here are the rules of improv. I'm gonna sing to you nice and slow. You gotta yes and. Yes and. Yes and. Everybody's eye. See, tough corporate. No, that's not it's really not right.

You gotta add information. Yeah, that's right. You gotta always agree. That's yes, which is yes and that's well. Don't say no to the scene. You wanna build it together. Together. Tough progression. Jose. Right, you're going back to your joke. Jose. I don't know what else to say. Yeah, you always agree, right? You have an agree. You're trying to, you want me to keep going? Yeah, you always agree right you have a degree. Yeah, you're trying to you want me to keep going Thing is not saying no to anybody's idea when something comes up you're building it together and you're creating it together Yeah, for instance if I said to you hi, May, right? Oh, you're doing a TED talk

Okay, and we're gonna give you some all arbitrary that the the right word? Arbitrary job, right? You have to be professional. Even though you don't know the job, I have speech impediments. Do you? No. Oh. And, but you gotta commit to it.

And you gotta convince us. What would be Jaime's profession, you think? Okay, so what you're doing is short form improv. Oh, we have to do long form now? Short form improv is when you kind of give everybody everything and say go. Oh, I see. What we do, which I think you'll love.

Give me long form. Okay, so what I do is I tour with a show called Ben Schwartz and Friends. This week when we're playing The Beacon, we're playing Sydney Opera House, we're playing these big fun venues which long form improv has never gotten to play before. Sydney Opera House.

I know, it's all very silly. How many people go? I think you probably played at Beacon before. Beacon's probably 2,600 or we do Chicago Theater. We did Radio City Music Hall, first time for Improv, which was very exciting. Wow. Very exciting.

Me and Andrew sold 14,000 seats in Sydney. Whoa! Which venues did you play in? I mean, if we're gonna do this game. Do you guys play together? Do you guys go on stage together? Does one go out, the other one go out? No, I do it in 2023, and then he does it three years later

at the same place, but at the same time. What are you talking about, dude? That's amazing. Yeah, we do it together! Do you do it at the same time, or one person does their set, the other person does their set, then you come on together, like a jam band or something?

No, we just kind of absorb each other, and we become one person. Anyway, my guys, no, we do. Wait, I have a question. Now, I want to ask a question about this. That was so rude. Who cares? I have a question. I want to know when you guys go up though because your your podcast is very much in the moment right yeah so

when you're on stage is everything written or no well Ben you know we're not as talented as you so we have I'm sorry no we're not from these institutions you do the same show at every city or it changes? We do 20 minutes of standup each. That's what I just asked. That's what you acted like. I was crazy. I know, but I didn't like your toes.

You're like, what are you insane? I didn't like your toes. Okay, all right. 20 minutes each. I bet. Do you switch off who opens? Well, sometimes, yeah, we get mad about each other. Of course.

We kind of fight about it in the back. Of course. I mean, sometimes he goes, you know what? The next four shows, you're closing. Okay. you know what? The next four shows you're closing. You know what I mean? But then you have to- What would you prefer? I'd prefer going before him.

You prefer going close? Because we're both good standups, so it's like, it's hard. Like, you know, when he goes up, you could just hear Andrew Santino, and then the, you know what I mean? The wall, you know what I mean? Yeah.

And I'm sitting there back there, I was like, oh, you got it. You got it, you got it, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I'm sitting there back there, I was like, oh you got it, you got it, you got it, you know what I mean? And then you go up there and then the first joke isn't as raucous as any of his stuff. Okay. So then you're like, oh no, my ego. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's hard, he's a great stand up.

So you said you were too. I am. What? This is what happens at our show. I had a bug on my lip, sorry. We start the show by, I ask the audience about what the most exciting day or night of their life is, and then I interview an audience member.

So it's basically a crowd work off the beginning for 15 minutes. We take that information and we make up a whole play or a whole show. Wow. And that's what the show is. Wow. And Katie does it sometimes.

Dipple does it. Katie Dipple to work on ManTV. I know all these guys. That's Eugene Cordero, Filipino. does it sometimes. Dipple does it, Katie Dipple, the work on ManTV. I know all these guys. That's Eugene Cordero, Filipino, Eugene Cordero. I know him. Drew Tarver. Drew, he's great. And Mary Holland. How do I know Drew?

I know Drew, he's from UCB here. Yes, he- I think I met him through Betsy Sadaro. Yes, he's close friends with Betsy, and he is in that show, Running Point, right now on Netflix, and he was in a great show called- It's not about him. Say it called... It's not about him. Say it again? It's not about him.

Oh right, it's about him. I'm bad at talking about myself. It wasn't even on that MTV show, not an MTV show, it was like a show about him being a celebrity or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it was an HBO Max show. I can't believe, literally when I bring him out, not The Last of Us, my God, the other two, the other two. The other two, yeah, he was good on that.

It's great, but that was like The Beacon, so that's... And what's her name? Again, I know her. Mary Holland. Yeah, she's great. But that was like the beacon. So that's, it's four of us. And what's her name? Again, I know her. Mary Holland. Yeah, she's great. Unbelievable improv. They're all, everybody I bring is I think some of the best

improvisers in the universe. Well, can I tell you what Katie Dippel did to me? I can't wait. I love, should we get her on the podcast? Should we call her up? If you came over here, if she came over here. We can call her up, no? Yeah, we can call her.

But let me hear what you did first. I've talked about this on this podcast years ago. You're saying she did this to you? She fucked me. Okay. So she was a writer at MADtv. Okay. Oh, this story was her?

This is her. I already know. Do you know this story? No, I don't know. All right, so check this out. So back then, you know, when you do a table read, now the email you the table read, right? Email you the script.

The script, I mean. Yeah. I'm just trying to help you. I'm just trying to make it work. I'm just here to make it work. Yeah, yeah, thank you, Ben. So they email you the script, and, but back in the day, they would have a guy deliver the script.

Yeah. On a Monday night, and this poor guy would have to go to a fucking, what, 40 houses. Oh. It's terrible, right? And so you would get it and so this is the last table read for mad TV and I've been the last ever one Yeah, oh wow, and I've been on the show for eight years the final table read and so what you do is you

Rifle through because it's not like a sitcom You're not in every sketch. And sometimes you're only in like four out of 20 sketches you're gonna write. Are you writing some of the sketches too or performers didn't really write them? No, I just, at that point I was just like, oh, they're not gonna write for me anyway

so I just might as well just accept what they give me. You know what I mean? They usually gave me a showcase, one showcase one where I started it. Okay, great. Anyway, but there was one sketch, it was called Cottage Life or something. was with um either Christopher Flanagan, Arden Marie, you know Arden? No oh yeah yeah yeah I do. Yeah yeah yeah and so I'm never in this sketch. For the last four years

they've been doing this sketch, never been in it, but I found my my character in it right and I'm like oh interesting but my character in the sketch didn't make any sense. Oh, Katie told me this story. Keep going. This amazing story. Go, go, go. This amazing story. Go, go, go. I told you. No, no, Katie told me. Go, go. Yeah, right.

If people don't know, this is a great story. It's a great story, right? So it's like... This is a great story. I know. So, so... Helix for your back. Helix for your back. You guys, Helix is fantasy stuff.

It's where dreams come from. And I love sleeping on dreams, dude. You know what? I have Helix mattresses all over my house. Whoa. And you know, when a guest come over, they go, hey dude, I slept like the best night of my life. And I go, what do you mean?

And they go, I have, is that the Helix? I go, yeah, that's right. And then they get it themselves and it goes on and on and on. Oh, you're an ambassador. Yeah. The reason why I partner with Helix Jaime is because it's the great aid the best. Yeah. Helix mattresses. You can take a quiz Jaime and it matches with your perfect mattress. What do you sleep on

Jaime? A floor mat. You do? Yeah. Well you know who also sleeps on floor mats? Who? People that don't sleep on Helix's. Oh. Yeah and and I'm gonna say that I bet you money dude that people on Helix mattresses sleep ten times better than floor mats. Well I have sleep amulet so that will help me. Yeah yeah and I think it will help you dude. Yeah? Yeah you just take a quiz and it will help you. Okay. Okay. I'll take it.

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168 hours. C terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos ends for 2725 at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time go do it. So in the sketch he this character is just interrupting these people and there are the lines don't make any sense like I gotta go to the bathroom or like you know what I mean? But toward the end of the sketch, it gets crazier. Like, I'm gonna kill everybody in this room. You know what I mean? I'm a bird. You know what I mean? Quack, quack, quack, quack.

Right? And it does not, it's in between lines, right? And at the end, it's, I'm losing my mind, fuck this place. You know, everyone dies. Stuff like that, right? And so we show up at the table, we now, everyone in, the network, everyone in person, the network of Fox, the network, the network of Fox,

the network, right? The producers of the show, all the writers, all the actors, no one knows, they don't have a copy of what I'm saying. And you are the longest running cast member? No, I mean, Mike McDonald was. But you were up there as top five. I was up there, right?

And so no one knows that I'm in the sketch, right? So when they're hearing it, so now when you go to the table read, it's probably 10 people from Fox, a bunch of producers. So you have a hundred people in the room, okay, with staff and everybody, right? And I'm reading it, and every time I say my line, you can hear chairs squeak or back up.

Like, you know what I mean? Like, just fuck this place, man. Fuck this, you know what I mean? And people just, or leaning back. And as it goes on, like, I'm gonna shoot everybody. You know what I mean? I'm gonna go out of my mind. I would look up to everybody,

and people were like sweating. Cast members too, right? Oh yeah, people are like, email, you know what I mean? Email, like, what the fuck is going on? Somebody's leaving the room to get security. I don't know. And at the end I'm going, walk, walk! Walk, walk, do do do do do do!

And doing bird noises, do do do do do do do! Right, right? And people think I'm losing my mind. And the only one laughing is Katie. Katie's buckled over, laughing, because no one knows except for her. What, you gotta explain. She only in your script is your lines like that.

He was not in the sketch at all. So you didn't explain that, Bart. Oh, I didn't, yeah, yeah. Everyone has a different script. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically everybody has the same script except for Bobby, and it just looks like Bobby is ruining every moment of it. And the only person that knows that you have that script

is Katie, the writer. And you think this is what everybody has. I think everyone has it. And in my mind I'm like, oh, it's not working. And I'm ruining this long lasting sketch. You know what I mean? And I read it wrong. I should have asked before. Like, hey, I should have went to Katie and go, so how do I, you know what I mean? And I read it wrong, I should have asked before.

Like hey, I should have went to Kada and go, so how do I, does this make any sense? Why would I even be there? There's no description. There's no- Why don't you kill people? Why don't you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There's no description of why I'm there. And like an idiot, I didn't like ask her. So the whole place, even the cast member was like, this fucking asshole quacking like a dog, like a duck. Yeah, exactly. Oh, great bit. dog, like a duck. Yeah, exactly. Great bit. Call her. Great bit.

Yeah. Let's see if we can get her on the phone. Oh my God, it'd be great if she. Although she's really busy. So Katie ended up, she's a great writer and she wrote Ghostbusters, the female version. Yeah. She writes, she's incredible.

She wrote The Heat, she's incredible. Oh, The Heat, yeah, that's right, with Adam Ray's in it, Mike McDonald's in it. And then heat. She wrote the heat. She's incredible. Yeah, that's right, with Adam Rays in it. Mike McDonald's in it. And then Sunder Bullock, obviously. And Minnesota McCartney. Yeah, yeah. I love her.

Wait, what happened after that? Did she tell the entire thing? So then what happened was there's dead silence when the sketch is over. I'll text her. Maybe a three second dead silence. You can't see my screen, right, with all the cameras? It's fine. Who cares? No one no, no, there's no one.

It's casual. And then, if you did, we would blur it out. Yeah, but, and then Katie stands up and she explains to the room what it is, and then everyone starts laughing, but I'm sitting there with tears in my eyes, shaking, I'm shaking, right? Like, I'm gonna kill this bitch. I'm gonna shoot this place up. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, qu, I'm shaking. Right, like, I'm gonna kill this bitch.

I'm gonna shoot this place up. Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack. Wait, did she come clean during the thing? No, after the sketch was done, there was a dead silence. Because the sketch bombed, right? And there's like a five to seven silence. Okay, here she comes. You wanna finish your story?

Here she comes. Okay, cool. Dibbled, you're on the podcast, is that okay? Oh my God, I guess so, yes. Okay. Katie! Oh, can you hear Bobby or no? Hi Bobby. Hi Katie, so explain to Ben what you did to me

at Matt TV with that sketch. Okay. What was the sketch called? Oh. Cottage, it was like, it was art. Cottage Life, she knows it, by the way, she knows everything about it. I can't remember.

So there's a lot of nuance, there's a lot of nuance to the story, okay? Now, first of all, someone came in and they wanted to do a prank on Bobby and they wanted to just send like. Do you not know this part? No. Oh, Bobby doesn't know this part.

I don't know this part. Okay, this was, oh God. Someone wanted to do a prank where they just sent Bobby like a fake bad sketch and that was just that. I fucking hate it. And I just came alive. And I just came alive. Every creative muscle I could use towards the show went to this. I said, hold on.

What if we send Bobby a sketch that's like an existing sketch everyone has, only his is different and so okay yeah this is really scary for me because I was so excited about this but then for the first time ever I love Bobby Bobby you know I love you so much too much too much I was so much fun like the time of my life he's a scoundrel but in in the best. I was always delighted. But for some reason on this one day, he never did this before. But before the table read, he came up to me and he was like. Oh, I did.

Yes. Oh, I thought I didn't, okay. He's like, how do you think I should read this? And I suddenly felt so guilty to make this work. And I'm like, oh God, this is terrible. I shouldn't have done this. And now I'm like shaking. And it's also like a table read.

It's like the network is there. Everyone. He said it was the final, was it the final one of this? Okay, great. So at least we were already getting canceled. So you had that. And it's so it's Krista and Arden and Keegan. And so I specifically changed Bobby's lines.

I added Bobby's lines so that it seems like he's commenting on the sketch, if that makes sense. So like when Krista's character is in love with Arden and Arden doesn't realize it, I had Bobby say, fool, she's in love with you. Oh, like he's on the outside commenting on it. Yes. Oh, that's what it was.

Yes. I forgot, it's years ago. Kind of like, okay, all right, sure Bobby, yes. You're pulling out the funny part. And so the first time it happened, to be honest, I didn't know how far it would go. The first time it happened, I kind of thought everyone would figure it out quickly.

But no one did. No one knew what was happening. Bobby just committed to this part. And I'm like, oh my god, this is working too well. What have I done? What was it like? Katie, what was my face like? You're you were like you had your kind of head. You know, when you kind of put your head in your hands

and you're reading a sketch sometimes. Yeah. I think you've seen you're going along with it. Like, OK, let's see what happens. He was committing. He was committing to committing. Yeah. And so that was killing me. And so the lines are like, there's so someone with Keegan made a joke. There's some moment of Keegan, and Bobby goes, oh, here we go. And so he's just consistently commenting on the sketch.

And then finally it's just. At the end, I start losing my mind now. Yes, and I never thought we'd get that far. Oh, I see. I was like, I was sweating. Okay, but also Katie, what's the room like? Like are you looking at the executives or? Yes.

What are they doing? I feel like, because I also, I didn't really tell, like I mentioned to our head writer, Jim Wise, like a second before, Wise like a second before like hey just so you know I did a little prank. Oh so Jim knew. It's a crazy thing to do. Yeah. On the very last one where everybody's just trying to like get out and be happy. Yes and so then um he has this whole monologue at the end which it's like okay enough of enough of this you know it's my time to shine like I'll have something to say. Oh I see that's what it was. Did you do that? I think so yeah so there was no violence in my mind that there was some sort of violence or they thought I was gonna do something in the room but maybe that... Oh sorry to answer your question yes I was looking around the room and it was just people looked confused, stressed out, kind of like snickering to each other, like,

what the fuck is Bobby doing? That was the vibe. Wow, OK. And he delivers this monologue to the level commitment I've never seen before. Wow. Just like, and it reaches the very end, and everyone is quiet, like laughing.

Like, what is happening? Wow. And it's, I finally just, I just muttered out, that was only in your script. Did people go crazy? Then they went crazy, everyone finally got what was happening. What was I like?

It took you a couple moments to process what it mean. Do you remember what the black outline was, that like his last one after the end of his monologue, what he ended on? I remember there was a bird part And then I ran over to like hug you but then you just lay down on the floor That's it. Thank you. I love you. I appreciate it. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you.

I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. because it's like, I just relived it. You must have been mortified. I was mortified, yeah.

Mortified. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's, and also you don't know what's going on, like when even, when she's trying to explain it, in my mind I'm like, oh, I don't, like you're not fully grasping what it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Until it finally hits you and then you're like, I mean, it's a networked, regular TV show with real, like,

you know, execs and people's suits, and you know what I mean, the whole fucking thing, you know what I mean? And you don't wanna embarrass yourself, it's also stressful. You like table reads, you like them? I think it's like when it goes well, they're fucking great. When it goes well, it's the most exciting thing

in the world, or if you find like a bit that works, or like, you know what I mean? And if you can make the writer's words look awesome, then the writer's like so thankful. But if it goes poorly and like the episode's going a little bit slow, you're like, it feels like it's taking forever. Sometimes you're drowning them all.

I feel like a burp. I mean, I've done table reads where I looked at the writer and I went, I'm so sorry. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've done all kinds of weird things. That's so funny. I mean, I was on a sitcom called,

sorry, I have Ozempic burps. Yeah. Are you on Ozempic? Yeah, yeah. What does it feel like? We go-vee, so I feel great. Oh, that's a candle. Wait, so how much weight have you lost?

Probably 20 pounds now. Really? Oh yeah. Do you feel different? I feel great. It doesn't get any more women. I did it for women, but it seems to go against, yeah. Is there a certain weight that you're trying to cap at?

I wanna dwindle down to Ken Jeong. Okay. The person, not the weight. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, the person. Okay. I wanna, you know, cause he has like a golem-esque body. Yeah, yeah. He does?

Yeah, skinny arms, but a belly, a little bit. Yeah, mythological. Yeah, I wanna go mythological. Love Ken Jeong. Yeah, yeah, great guy. Great guy. Although want to go mythological love Ken. Yeah. Yeah, he great guy great Although you try to punch me once but they got a fist fight really well he's swing I didn't All this is like weird story I've no I've had a tumultuous Ken Jeong is like the nicest person. I know that's the problem. This is my space day What else who else yeah, do you said what my space Who else, you said what? This is my space days.

What, you had a fight because of my space days? Oh yeah, yeah. I've been in fights with everybody. I'm gonna give you an example. This is, oh, I don't know if I should show this. Maybe we can blur it out or we can cut it out. Can you show me? I can show you, yeah.

So a writer from Mad, right, goes, this is what you did to me every day. And if I, well, hold on, let me, I'd walk into his office like this every day. Oh yeah, you'd be done. That's it. Yeah, now, right? It's a wrap.

In today's, in today's, yeah, I know, I know. 100%. It's a wrap. It's a wrap, you're done. But back in the day, you could do this. Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't show the camera, you're done. Yeah.

No, I used to walk into people's office naked. Really? Go, hey, what are you writing for me today? Cock, cock. Cock, cock, cock, cock. I mean, it was like, you know, I think that a lot of the reasons why I don't work as much as I think I should or whatever

is because of my reputation a little bit. Although. If you think you're a very different person now, then you're. Oh yeah, so you know, in the last three or four years, you know, I did Sex and the City, Reservation Dogs, Borderland. As a person. He's talking about your character.

No, what I'm saying is, no, you're a human being. You're the care of my credit. Yeah, I was like, what are you pitching right now? No, Ben, no, Ben. You kept saying IMDB, my star meter is fucking changing. No, Ben, that's not what I was. You said you made a lot of mistakes when you were a kid. Are you different now?

You're like, well, you know, I have a three episode Arkansas in the city. What? No, no, Ben, Ben, Ben. Ben, fuck you for a second. Three ads for a second. But what I'm saying is that when I'm on sets now, right? Okay.

I'm the complete opposite guy. I show up an hour before. Oh, okay, good. I know my lines, I'm dressed, I don't complain. I know everyone's names. I play it completely different. But in the beginning, in 2000 is when I booked MAD. I was straight from the open mics at the comedy store. I was a standup, never done sketch.

I don't know how TV works. I know how anything works. I've never been in front of a camera. So I had to learn how to do what a mark is. I had to learn what a jib camera is.? So I had to learn how to like do what a mark is. I had to learn what a jib camera is. It's gonna be years to learn how to do it. And I was very wild, like, you know what I mean? I was crazy.

Notoriously so, I feel like a lot of stories that I've heard, I've never met you before, but a lot of the stories that I hear are that. But also they are always followed up with, he's the funniest fucking dude. Yeah, I mean, I learned how to, you know, I'm an, you know, through therapy and dealing with my trauma and all that stuff, what?

AA. AIA. AA. AA, bro, is that Hispanic? Oh, you're saying AA? AA. Oh, I mean AA. Yeah.

Oh, okay. Alcoholic. I think you got it. People know what AA is, you have it? Yeah, but I think that, you know, anyway, I don't want to talk about me, but yeah, I was a little wild. Let's talk about Ben.

Let's get to know Ben. Let's get to know Ben. I don't want to get to know Ben. Okay, let's... I'm fanboying. I know, but Jaime? Can I just say something? I can talk to just Jaime.

Wait, the thing is that... No, no, no, but let me just finish. I know, but... Are you going to explain what AA is? No, no, no. It's a long pod, right? Long port. Yeah, it's me just finish. I know, but it's- Are you gonna explain what AA is?

No, no, no. It's a long pod, right? Long form? Yeah, it's long form pod. Improv. It's long form pod, all right? And he still hasn't even taught us about long form yet. So we're gonna get there in a second.

No. So do you have some questions? Yes! I've mostly just been listening. Yeah, so do you have any questions for Ben then that you're curious about? Bobby, does this mean that you have none prepared? I never prepare.

I mean, but you know nothing. Well, I know your credits. Give me two. Parks and Rec. Nope, you already said it. Give me two. I think you were in that Renfield. Okay, all right.

Okay, here we go. Hi, man, let's go. No, fuck you, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I can give you one. No, no, you did a Lego movie, I think. I did do a Lego movie. I think because I was in a Lego movie. I think I Googled it, I don't know. Were we in the same Lego movie? No,, I can give you one. No, no, you did a Lego movie, I think. Remember? I did do a Lego movie.

I think I was in a Lego movie, I think I Googled it, I don't know. Were we in the same Lego movie? No, I was in the ninja one. Oh yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the bad one. That's a great one. I was in the one that no one watched.

Yeah, I didn't watch. Yeah, I was in that too. What else have you done? You've done a lot of animation, I know. Oh, I can give you one. I know, but my point is that you wanted to ask me if I knew you. Yeah.

And I'm just saying that you were being rude. Go ahead, I'm gonna. I thought I was gonna catch you in you. No, no, no, go ahead, I'm gonna. I don't know who the fuck you are Go ahead, I'm gonna- I thought I was gonna catch you and you- No, no, no, go ahead. I don't know who the fuck you are. I'm a huge fan. I've been trying to get you on this for years. You're so nice.

I'll go. You forgot one, DuckTales? No, you don't have to talk about Chris. I'm sorry. But I do wanna talk. Tell me what you got. DuckTales, really? Yeah.

What did you play in DuckTales? I played Dewey in DuckTales. Go ahead, other questions? Yeah, man. Are you an animation friend? Somewhat, but more live action. Well, live action, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go ahead, go ahead, questions, man. Are you an animation friend? Um, somewhat, but more live action. Well, live action, okay. Go ahead, go ahead, questions, come on Larry King.

It's because I never thought I would meet you, that's why. Okay, go ahead. This is your time. So I was watching Parks and Rec and I was like flipping through the channels. I was like in high school when it came out. You know what episode caught me? Was the, I love the episode of when Andy and April get married. Yeah, great episode. I remember it.

And I was like, what is this? Well, he was on the show. Yeah, yeah, no, I know. But I'm like, because I never watch shows like that. And I was like, what is this show? And I just got hooked on because it was so fun to you and Aziz and like improv. He's getting nervous. I am getting nervous because like, you know, I was I'm watching this show I don't think I'll ever meet this guy but yeah I'm here with you now

No so like You don't have to be nervous at all who cares look at me It's like so your scenes were the improvise or scripted? Oh all the scenes were scripted and then we would do something called fun run You ever have one of these where you do- I'm kink fun run. Hell yeah. So you do, there's literally-

I invented it. Yeah, there's literally takes after we have it in the bag where they're like, all right, we got it, do whatever you want. And we would all go nuts. And that's kind of like, that's where I get to really improvise, stuff like that. On most of your scenes, like-

There's a bunch of fun runs in there. That's a great question. There's a bunch of fun runs in there. And also, as we get it more more I'd like you could see my character kind of comes becomes a cartoon a little bit because I get more comfortable and stuff like that And then I just kept going and they just let me keep going So if you look at the beginning of parks and the end of parks, I'm like a normal person. I'm a straight-up cartoon Yeah, yeah, but I enjoyed it. Thank you, man. I appreciate it. Don't be suspicious

Great. No, I just And it's just there's a lot of things to remember This is like Vince Wong. Let's do a Fred Kloss for the wedding Just I remember my bad Bobby. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it.

I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it.

I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play it. I'm gonna play Game subscriptions I don't even play. They charge you monthly fees, right?

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See website for full details and important safety information. HIMns for your life This is great this guy's good And I like I watch it and I like I want to the podcast because it was going so well you and I were vibing I know everybody doesn't like each other. It's the piss prank. Go ahead. What's the piss prank?

Piss prank. Oh, this is the piss prank. Sometimes when... People got to take a piss. When you're doing a stand up with 20 people and there's always one comic people just walk out to go to the bathroom. Oh my God. And the comic?

Yeah. Is that a phrase that you like on that comic? It's a piss prank. Oh my God. that's brutal. Oh, the other night I was on stage. 20 comics, is there ever a lineup where 20 people go on? Is that a real number? That's probably 12, I exaggerated a minute, 12 to 15.

So three hours. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, the comedy star goes from like eight to two in the morning. Wow, man. It's a constant show, but sometimes it's a piss break and it feel bad for the guy.

I've been pissed many times Really? One time I followed Sebastian Maniscalco. This is when he first found his voice Because he was a bad comic in the beginning. Okay, and then once he found his voice I remember him being in the OR and I followed him. I was so cocky. I'm like, I'm gonna follow me, right? Wait, what's the OR? Original room at the comic store. And then I remember people just getting up and then other people going bring back Sebastian and I remember oh he's improved I took him lightly Wow anyway any other questions what advice would you oh my god oh my god I kind of want to try improv. I like.

Oh yeah, if you want it for improv. Yeah, I take classes and go do it. I think get on stage. The only way, same, you're going to say the same thing for stand up, I assume. The only way to get better at that stuff is to do it and fail. Like I failed so much.

I feel like you go up there, you take a risk, you fail, you learn from that mistake and then you get up again. You keep trying to get up and taking classes the way you kind of learn the form and then you kind of go and go and go. But that's probably the same with stand up. It's like you just gotta fail so much. And you gotta love it so much

that you're okay with it being hard for a while. Here's what I say to young people that are starting. I go, don't live in the results, which means don't be doing stand up because I'm gonna get this, this, and this, and that. You gotta do it for the love of the thing. That's a great line. Yeah, yeah.

So just do it, not expect anything, and do it because of the craft, okay? And secondly, it is a, I can't believe we're getting into this fucking. You're doing really well. I feel like I've never seen you do this before. So Ramsey, you know, the guy that, you know, he was on the part.

Gordon Ramsey. Yeah. Gordon Ramsey. Yeah, Gordon Ramsey. So Ramsey, who opens for me, he did Long Beach with me and Andrew, and it was, we talked about when he was on it, and it was like 23,000 people, I don't know, and his last joke, the mic fell off. The bottom, so nobody heard what he was saying?

So he struggled to put the thing back into the mic thing and he kind of bombed at the end. Cause it let it affect him. But I told him afterwards, I go, dude, you gotta come up with a bit, right? When that happens, cause you know it's gonna happen. We all have bits when that happens. Is that true?

Yeah. What's yours, can we hear it? Don't worry about it, my people made this shit. I don't, whatever, you know what I mean, whatever it might be, you know what I mean? Got it, got it, got it. But, or I'll do acapella jokes. I don't need a mic! Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I'll go into the audience and do, whatever it might be. Yeah. But it's like, there are ways around, so improv is the same way, I mean, you trial and error. You know? And so, long form. Can we go back to long form real quick? Cause I wanna know.

So you do one premise and then you just. A series of scenes. So we talked to somebody. So like, I just posted one on Instagram, which is we talked to someone and they're like, I say, what's the most exciting night or day of your life? And they said, we snuck into a John Legend concert. And I was like, amazing, tell me how you did it.

And we found out, and the whole show was kind of like a play where we'll do a bunch of different scenes in a row and they all call back to each other. And in the end, if we do it right, it feels like one complete piece. Wow, that's incredible. Yeah. When it's done right, yeah.

When it's done perfect, it feels like a magic trick. It feels like, how the hell did they do that? How do they call that? But it feels like everything was exactly where it should be for the whole show. Wow. When it felt random at the beginning and then we tied it all together.

Yeah, even you saying it made me super nervous. You gotta come see his show. I've seen, I already told you I've seen fucking long before. How long ago? And I get, 20 years ago. Yeah, come to his show. I used to go to improv Olympic and see all those guys do. Oh, they're the legends.

Like, you know, Jordan and then Keeg. I used to hang out with those guys every night. Yeah. And I used to go and watch them do it. And it's like, wow, what a career they've had. Wait, Ben, have you done stand-up? I tried stand-up at the very beginning. So at the very beginning, I tried stand-up

and improv and sketch at the same time to see which one I wanted to do. So I went up at Boston Comedy Club in New York a couple times. Good room, yeah. I think it's probably gone by now. But then, stand-up New York I went up at. Ben did bringer shows,

and then I did well enough in a bringer show that they let me come up, not get paid, but come up without bringing people. And I was like, oh my God. So I went up and I bombed, and it was the worst feeling in the world. I mean, I bombed an improv before starting up, and it's different because I'm with my friends

and we're bombing together and we can talk about it afterwards, how bad that felt and what we could do better. But I was like, these are the things that I find funny. I'm going to say them and see what happens. And this time, nobody I know is in the audience, because it wasn't a bringer show. And so it was just like, I was excited that I got there quick, but then I was like, and then I learned

that I just love creating with people. I love being in a scene with someone and we create something out of nothing. I love not knowing what's gonna happen and then we create a whole fucking show. So that stuff was exciting to me. But Ben. I think stand-up is harder.

It's not. I think it's easier. I think because you have to write, you have to rewrite a thousand times. It's a different muscle. It's a different muscle, but it's also going into a thing where you don't know at all

what the fucking topic topics gonna be or anything It seems very scary to me. Yeah, you know I mean, it's like you know, right? Yeah No, I just had a thought in my head. Yeah, what was the scene were you thinking? That's insane yeah, I was referencing the scene from him referencing the scene from him. I knew it! What are you doing? He's in love with him. Are you uncomfortable? No, I'm fine. It's so weird. I was trying to do a bit like you didn't know anything and I felt bad from there and I didn't know what the fuck was going on. I thought you really took offense. I was like oh no I don't know well enough to really make you unhappy. That's what I'm thinking. No, no, no. You're fine. I'm me? We're great. You and I are great. Great, okay. So it's Jaime. I feel like a connection. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We can do this. Are we great?

It's getting weird now, I think. No, we are great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I would love to answer it. Oh, so he opened for me in Houston, and so I had some ladies come in the back. Who did? Jaime did.

You did? I was just there this weekend. How'd you do? I don't know. How'd you do? He did great. Oh, come on, man. And one day he went, between shoes he goes, hey, can I go longer? Oh, that doesn't sound like him

I was like, hey, I was like, can I go 12 minutes? I was like, can I go 12 minutes? It's a little different I think I think we do it again. Maybe we do go with say the same sentence. It'll be easier I mean, no, no, hold on. I think you're being rude. Okay, I might be. I might be. I just want to hear your impression of him. I just want to hear your impression. I know. I just want to hear your impression. Yeah, yeah. Okay, so just say, I love it!

Okay, go ahead. Just say one sentence. Hey, Bobby, can I do 12 minutes? Okay, great. Now you. Hey, Bobby, can I do 12 minutes? Why do you make this sound insane? He's getting closer. I think what you're doing is you're being a little racial

because I think you're looking at my little Asian face. No, I'm not. Yeah, I think that's what you're doing. I think I was, no, no, no, no. I'm not looking at your LAF. I'm not looking at your LAF. I'm not looking at your LAF. I'm not looking at your LAF. I'm not looking at your LAF. I'm not looking at your AEs.

I'm not looking at your AEs. It just seems like you were really pushing his ass. Can I be honest with you? Since you've been here, you've been looking at my AEs and I'm like... I'm not looking at your AEs. I'm not looking at your LAF. But you crushed. You had a great set. He did very good, but he's not good socially. He won't shut the fuck up.

You mean afterwards? So these four girls come backstage, and I wanted to get them out, but this guy becomes Larry King again. I'm like, shut the fuck up, and you're like, so you like your jobs? Yeah, different accent. Well you know what, Ben? You fucking do it. Sure, go.

Just say any sentence. Say any sentence. Say, so what line of work do you guys do? So what line of work do you guys do? I see that's pretty good. Right? Oh. That's what you sound like.

Do you want to hear it? Now you do it. Do that line. You say it again. Yeah, go. Okay, great. One line of work. And really try to, really try to hear how he speaks. This is the last time we do this, Ben.

Yeah. Go ahead. One line of work are you guys in? One line of work are you guys in? That's great. That's great. You've become a perfect impersonation. Now do Morgan Freeman and Shawshank.

You do it first and I'll do it. No, no. Andy Frame. Oh, no. Andy Frame. Oh, hey! That's actually pretty good. What's his last name? Andy Du Frame. Oh, I said Frame.

Andy Du Frame. Has Morgan Freeman been on the? No, no, we don't get, you know what I mean, that. Who's the biggest thing we've had? That as in celebrity. Yeah, yeah, wait, wait, wait. Who's the biggest thing we've had? It would be so funny if Morgan Freeman was here,

he's like, yeah, so, driving Miss Daisy, there's a couple scenes. Oh my God. I wanna talk to you about a couple scenes of driving Miss Daisy. You wouldn't be there that day, there's no way. I couldn't have you and Morgan on the same. First name basis.

Yeah, there's no way. You and Morgan. Yeah, I think the biggest one is, we've had pretty big people. I'm sure you've had a billion big people. You're pretty big, though. Yeah, you're pretty big. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm small potatoes, I a billion big people. You're pretty big though. Yeah, you're pretty big.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm small potatoes, I'm small potatoes. But you're one of those guys though that are like everyone knows you. Oh yeah. I think Lisa Gilroy talked about you once. I mean, people talk. She's very funny.

Yeah, people talk about you all the time. She'd crush on this pocket. She'd probably crush. She's done it, she's done it. Yeah, she's done it. Yeah, I feel like, you know, I was talking to Jenna Fischer. I had dinner with Jenna and Angela from the office Lady last week.

And you know. Oh, you would have so many questions for them. And there was no way that's ever gonna happen. Yeah, come on. Yeah, but we treat it like we're on a TV show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what it feels like. Mm-hmm.

You know, the numbers are as good as a lot of TV shows even more, so it's like. It's so exciting. You have influence now, Bobby. What are you gonna do with it? You have a podcast? No, I haven't done a podcast yet. I've guested in many of them.

Why? It's a lot of work, isn't it? Not really. It seems like a ton of work. 52 episodes a year, that seems like so much 52 hours. Yeah, but like, if we first started... Not for the talent, you can just show up for one hour a week, you're good.

Yeah, you get people to do it. One hour a week is still 52 hours. I know, but I wake up, walk downstairs, they're all set up, everything's going. It's here, it's in your house. Right, and then I do it, and I go back upstairs, and that's it. Your setup is pretty incredible.

It was always like that, no? Yeah. In the beginning, we've been doing this for 10 years. Wow. 10 years. Yeah, yeah. Wow, that's amazing. Yeah, so you could do it, but if you don't wanna don't, there's a lot of people in the game too.

There's a lot of people now. Right? A lot of people. So because I do Ben Schwartz and Friends, I have control of that. I get to figure out where I'm gonna tour. I get to pick who I wanna perform. And then I'm like, I feel like a lot of stuff

in our industry, we don't have control of. Like I don't get to control what auditions come in. I can write movies and I can sell them, but I don't get control if they get made. And this is, I control my tour, and then I control what I do with the audio. What you're doing is you have complete control of your career now.

You can make your money through that. You can do ads through that. I feel like more and more people are learning that we can kind of take control of our careers a little bit more. Bingo, right on. That's what I'm trying to say. Instead of it just being up to everybody else.

What I'm saying is, this is back to what I was gonna say. You're right. Is that I feel like I was, and Andrew and I felt like this, we were forced into doing it. Oh, interesting. Like where it's like, you know, like where you get probably,

how many auditions a year do you get? Auditions are so weird now. Let's say before. Before the pandemic. Quite a bit, yeah. How many a year, you think? I don't even know. Offers and auditions, I don't know.

They kind of like- 100? No, less than that. 60? Sure, in a year, let's say 60. I would get three. Okay, let's say I get five. Do you know what I mean?

I think five. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Five. So I would get three to four, right? Five. Yeah, no, no, yeah, yeah, yeah. Five. So I would get three to four, right? Five. Yeah, no, no, no. And so, and everyone else was getting, you know what I mean, because I have a lot of friends.

Baron. It's very different now. There's very few audition, the industry is injured. I get zero now, you know what I mean? But it's like- Yeah, the industry is very injured. Yeah, I get one or two now, right? So my point though being is,

is that me and Andrew are in the same boat, so we're like, what do we do? Cause we just do stand-up. Yes. So we were forced into the space boat, so we're like, what do we do? Because we just do stand-up. Yes. So we're forced into the space. Sometimes now people are like high level actors and stuff like that, that are already working, you know what I mean, in every fucking thing.

They do it too. So that kind of makes me, because we were like forced into the situation, man. Well, you took control of your career. I think that's what it is. Out of desperation. You don't think that I want to be like Ken Jung flying first class? I think it's out of you seeing that you have a skill set.

I fly first class, I know. That works. I know, I know, I know. Only let on scenes, only let on scenes. Yeah, yeah. No, but I think it's you saw that you guys could do this and so you did it. You have the skill set and you'd be good at this. So you do it because of that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because a lot of people would love to be able to do this. I don't want to talk about me. All we've done is fucked by you. I know, and it feels weird. This entire thing. So Ben, let's go back to you. Jules, you haven't said shit.

Hello. How are you? How are you? How's everything? Good. Good. So let me explain Jules real quick. So then Jules is my ex-girlfriend's,

Kaila's niece. Okay, cool. Now Jules is- How old are you? 23. 23, wow. But when she was in high school- How old are you?

53. Oh my God, okay, great. Yeah, so when she was in high school- 28. 28, good. We really didn't ask. And I wanna hear what your closing joke is before we're done.

Okay. But in high school, she moved here from the Philippines and she went to high school here. You know what I mean? And so she doesn't like podcasts, she moved here from the Philippines, and she went to high school here. You know what I mean? And so she doesn't like podcasts, she doesn't wanna do them, but people seem to really love her. Because you don't wanna be here.

I guess. Yeah, yeah. Over 100,000 now, how many followers you have on Instagram? Hundreds of thousands? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

She does not wanna be here. She doesn't post, she doesn't give a shit about it, she doesn't want... What are you passionate about? Like if someone gave you a microphone and let. She doesn't want, she's- What are you passionate about? Like if someone gave you a microphone and let you talk about whatever you want to talk about, what would you talk about? Surfing.

Maybe anime. Anime? Which anime are you into? Right now, One Piece. One Piece, I thought you were gonna say One Punch Man. One Piece. You watch One Punch Man? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You like anime? I am not, I learn who people, people who are into anime are really into anime. And I am not that. I wish I put the hours in, but my hours are put into like Simpsons and all my cartoons when I was a kid to start anime from where I was and to like start Dragon.

There's so much stuff, but I watched, like I've seen that, but I don't know the one that you're talking about. You should try it, it's really good. But there's like a thousand episodes. Yeah, that's why I'm scared of it, because there's a thousand episodes. That's what I can't do. Yeah, I can't do it one that you're talking about. You should try it, it's really good. But there's like a thousand episodes. Yeah, that's why I'm scared of it, because there's a thousand episodes. That's what I can't do. Yeah, I can't do it.

A thousand? I like completing things too. Yeah, me too. So I'm like, if I have to keep going, I'd lose my mind. Me too. But you're not gonna die anytime soon, so you have time. Oh, thank you. Thanks.

Thank you, Dr. Jules. Thank God for presenting, right? Thank God, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you play video games, Ben? Love video games. What do you love? Oh, wait, we're probably, I'm 43, you're, oh, yeah. Do you play video games, Ben? Love video games. What do you play? Oh, wait, we're probably, I'm 43, you're, oh, okay.

So what did you grow up with? Oh, I can talk video games. We'll get rid of it. Don't do this unless you really want to do this. No, I'm already doing it. What were your consoles growing up? Growing up? Yeah.

Well, you want to go back? In television. Oh, yeah. Were you playing Pitfall? Yeah, yeah, in the 70s. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started with Pong. Pong, and yeah, you ever play Zork, that word?

Oh yeah, Zork was fun, yeah. I played that when I was a kid. And so, and then, you know, in my 20s I was poor, so I didn't play at all. Okay. I couldn't afford anything. But then when I started making money, you know, when Halo started happening,

we used to like hook up all our. So you missed all Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Genesis, N64, PlayStation, and you only came back when Xbox came out. Yeah, but is that okay? That's great. Thank you. You're just missing my golden years. I know, but in the last 10 years,

what's your favorite games? Okay, Inside, you ever play Inside? No. Oh my God, it's so good. What is Inside? Inside is developed, one person I believe made the whole thing or two people made the whole thing. It's a side scroller, it's so interesting and dark and you beat it in four hours,

so you can finish it in a night and it has the weirdest ending of any video game ever made The guy who made it also made a game called a limbo, which is I love limbo dude. I play limbo This is better than limbo. It's not it is I don't like side scrolls off. It looks like dude It's a bit you're gonna go crazy. It's such a good game It's oh my god, and it's so weird and unique and it's scary and it's spooky I just played one like this where I'm in a yellow rain jacket and I couldn't do it. I was so scared Oh, yeah, that's more like I know you're talking about that's a it is a scary one. Yeah, you have to like do puzzles and stuff

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I was time you can change time a little bit. Yeah. Yeah, it was too scary. But this looks seems great Dude, it's great. This is a side scroller still though. Yeah, I love side scrollers. This is a side scroll. Yeah, okay It is and there's, there must be puzzles. Kinda, yeah, it's more like figuring it out. Do you ever play Stardew Valley? No, what's that? I don't play PC games. What kind of games do you play?

He loves a good farming simulation. Oh, is it just a farming simulation? It's not just man. I'm sorry. God, I didn't grow up man. Is it like the, what's the game where you cook over cooked? Do you love that too? No, man. No, sorry, you don't know. So I wanna. Yeah, but it like the, what's the game where you cook overcooked? Do you love that too? No.

No, sorry, you don't know. So I want it. Yeah, but get it out, tell me. I'm gonna. This is great. Take your time, take your time. So I think Stardew Valley is as- Can we see that?

I think Stardew Valley is as good as Red Dead 2. Oh wow. Yeah, I think Stardew Valley- Do you play RPGs? You play role playing games? Yeah, I got Skyrim, any Bethesda game, I think- But you never played Chrono Trigger or any of those ones? No.

Oh, Chrono Trigger I think is maybe the best game ever. You have to text me these. I will, and then Final Fantasy, American Title III, you do any Final Fantasies? Seven, when it's on PlayStation? Are they turn-based? I don't like turn-based fighting. Yeah, where it's four people and you choose attack map.

No, I don't like that. I want one guy fighting. The whole time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I have to see what you're doing. So this is Stardew Valley. I know, okay. The whole time? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wait, I have to see what you're doing. So this is Stardew Valley. I know, okay. It's what's up.

Is it like SimCity or ActRaiser? Okay. Do you guys know what ActRaiser is or no? No. Push pause for a second. Okay. Is this so boring to you guys? No, I like it. Yeah, yeah.

Okay, this game on surface, it looks weird, all right? Right. But it's really an RPG okay because this is it's yeah what it's it is a farming simulation where you have a farm it is that right but it's all that's only 10% of the game that's all I've ever seen there's fighting there's there's a lot of grime me if I wanted to see what the fighting yeah that you there's you could upgrade weapon you ever play link to the Past?

No. Oh God, Jesus, Bobby. So this game, right? Okay, so this looks like a game called Actraiser. I don't know if you've ever seen Actraiser. Actraiser is you get a plot of land, you have to use lightning and everything to make it so you can farm. You farm, you build houses.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then once you get enough people that follow you, then you go and fight people as this big warrior and you're like their god. So anyway, this game is so in-depth. I get it, I get go and fight people as this big warrior. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you're like their god. So anyway, this game is so in depth. There's so much to it. I get it. I get this. I totally get this. And today, after the second, this podcast, the creator's coming.

Oh, how cool. Yeah, yeah. But anyway, so what else do you like? Hey, you ever seen that movie? Oh, here we go. This is good. Here we go. I love it.

I think it's called The Wizard. Oh my God, I love that game. They intro Mario 3 on that. Yeah. Yeah. This is good. Here we go. I love things called the Wizard. Oh my god I love that game. They intro Mario 3 on that. Yeah. Yeah. What is that? And they also intro the Power Glove Yeah, what's that? Maybe I'm not as big as you. No, but I'm in the years that you didn't play Oh you are? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I'm in the years because I got a console. I got Nintendo and Super Nintendo My friend had Genesis. Yeah, so I did all the Bethesda games, like you know me, Morrowind and on and on and on. So I've done all the rock star games, you know me, like Red Dead and-

You did Grand Theft Auto. Yeah, Grand Theft Auto, right? So I do all the big ones. I've never played Red Dead, I heard it's amazing. I get addicted to games now, so if I start one, like I just played the new Zelda, which was like, it took like 150 hours. Yeah.

Breath of the Wind? No, the. Yeah, so no the next one That's the first one. The next one is not twice. It's what is it called? I? Forget what it is, but I beat it, but it's like I put so much time into it that it was amazing Yeah, yeah, it was amazing same with those Final Fantasy games Chrono Trigger is also I think the better sure right dude If you find days, I don't like turnbys. It is but you'll love it. It's em you get an emulator Do you have any you have any like nerdy little I have so when I travel I have I have a little Dude, if you can find it. But is it turn-based? I don't like turn-based. It is, but you'll love it. Really? You get an emulator. Do you have any nerdy little? No.

So when I travel, I have a little handheld console that I can put everything on it. So I have PlayStation, Genesis, Super Nintendo, Nintendo. What's it called? I'll send you the link. I'll send you the link. And then I got a friend to put every single thing on it. So every game for everything is on it.

So you could play Skyrim on it. I wonder if you play PC, can you? Probably. It matters how big the file is. But Skyrim is a Xbox game. You could probably put that. Oh yeah, because you have something like this. Yeah, I have like a different version of that.

It's like a thousand games. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. But then I also got like, you know the Game Grumps? Do you guys know who they are? Yeah. They're a big YouTube guy.

They play video games. They know everything about video games and they helped me put like everything on there and change the system of it and like all that you I don't know do I know do we know people? You must you're nerd We're on flights all the time and sometimes like I try to write on flights But I'm like that's how I unplug and relax by playing those video games Oh my god, we gotta figure all that out man. I can tell you what games to play. You'll have the best time

Oh, yeah, I want to change my life with that And I can tell you what games to play, you'll have the best time. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I wanna change my, I gotta change my life with that. I'm so excited about it. You deserve it. I deserve all of it. You deserve it.

I love it, I love it, I love it, I love it, yeah, yeah. Celeste was good, Celeste is a new game. I'm trying to think of a new game. Celeste or Celeste? Celeste, okay. And it talks about depression and like, you're like this character that's fighting but then also gets into deep conversations, it's amazing.

Oh my God. I know, there's one good thing. You gotta do all that stuff. I can afford it, right? Yeah, I wanna be able to afford all of stuff. I can afford it, right? I want to be able to afford all of it. What's the craziest thing you bought with your money that you made? You made enough money now. What's the silliest thing you bought? You bought a cat, a whole cat entertainment console outside, like a little... A cat? What do you

mean? $20,000 a cat, yeah, catio. A cat, a cat, cat, catio. What does that mean? So I have an outside, you know, I have an outside part, right? And I drill the hole, not me, but an engineer. What do you call them? Construction people. Something like that. Right? And it's out, it goes outside, but it's great. You have one of these? Yeah, I do. Oh, I love it. And they've never been out there. Tools, how many times have you seen the people, the cats in the catio? I think the last time was like two years ago. Yeah. They will not go out there. That's so funny. It's a waste of money. That's such a funny bit. Yeah, yeah. Also, I buy them beds.

They don't sleep in there. I caught Bojo sleeping inside. They never come inside? No, I saw my cat Bojo slept inside of a rolled yoga mat once. What if it's raining or something? They will not go out there. They won't go to the catio.

Unless I open the backyard, they'll go out there. Okay. Yeah, they don't like the fencing system. Unless I open the backyard, they'll go out there. Okay. Yeah, they don't like the fencing system. Do you have animals? I have a dog. Oh. What's this right here? I was a page at Letterman.

Yeah, what were you doing in? Oh yeah, they cut that part on top. So I was a page in the bottom. So I worked at Letterman. And what I did in Letterman was I showed people to their seats and like I helped them to the bathroom. Wow. How old were you here?

2003, so I was right out of college. So it was probably 20, 22. Damn. What was he like? I barely got to talk to him. You don't get to talk to him. But then before he retired, I was a guest on it. In my head, I was like, man,

if one day I get to actually be in that thing. So right before he retired retired I was on a show called House of Lies with Cheadle and Kristen Bell. And I got to be a guest on it, and so it was like one of my bucket list things. So although I put so much pressure in my head to get to that show that when it happened, it was just not as, I thought I was gonna feel different.

Like I was just like, oh my God, I did it, I did this thing. I've always wanted to be a guest on the show. I was a page here, and when I was on stage, and when it was over, it just didn't feel like I thought it was gonna feel. But it was one of my things. And then since then, since Colbert is hosted, I've done it twice, but Colbert is like an improviser. He's from Second City.

Did you know him from Second City? No, I didn't know him until I did his show. And then we had such a good first episode and then he invited me to interview him for Paley Fest. And we basically just did an hour and a half long show of me playing around with him. And then, so when I did his show last time, we just went bananas.

Now anytime I go on the show, it's just we get to go bananas. Which is like a dream for any comedian when you go on a talk show because it's very much regimented. You're trying to get the person comfortably enough to let you go like the people that I love, like Robin Williams coming on the air when I was a kid,

or like Farley or Bill Murray. Those are the people that when they went on, I was like, oh my God, I can't wait. I have no idea what's gonna happen. This is gonna be amazing. I've only done one talk show. Really? In 2000.

What did you do? I did stand up on Leno and no one's ever asked me back on any of them. You did stand up on the Tonight Show. That's insane that you're only one. Ben, don't do this, all right? Why can't we do this? Why can't I be not, why can't I not have things going on? Why can't I just go, I was not doing it? Jaime, do you wish you went on the Tonight Show and did stand up?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. One day. One day. Yeah, one day you will. Yeah, yeah. I did that, right? What's that impression? What are you doing right now? Tell me that joke. I bet you know. I'll go, Oh, yo, hum-gu-duh-duh! It's some Asian thing, probably. Actually, that's probably what it is. Yeah, probably. For real? Hum-gu-duh-duh-duh-duh!

Or something like that. A version of that. Yeah, yeah. Is that? Is that? Do that once. Do that once. I'll do it as Morgan Freeman. Very fast. You must remember your five minutes in that, because if that's the only time you did it, you must have been so nervous. I remember them going, you can't do that,

you can't do that, and then me fighting for some, so one was like- What you killed, do you remember? Yeah, I don't know how it goes. Wait, and you said that your first special's coming out, so that's probably one of the only times people can see you- I've done a couple of five minute sets

on a variety of like- Or like Premium Blend. Yes, I did Premium Blend, I did all those, but yeah, I've never done. So the special is very stressful because it's like, there's a lot of expectation. Is Kim's a comedy probably the longest? Kim's a comedy maybe.

Yeah, I did a thing with Ken and, Ken Jeong, who you punch in the face? No, he punched me. Okay, but I love, we're good. Did you deserve it? Yeah. Yeah. And yeah, you know what, dude?

I deserve a lot of things. Hey, there you go man. You never been punched in the face? No. Not to me? No, maybe playing basketball I've gotten headbutted. Yeah, yeah, but not like, hey Ben, come over here, you owe me money.

I'm terrified of that. Have you been in a lot of fights? I've been beaten up a lot, yeah. Really? In showbiz, yeah. But you know, it's calm down. Oh, when I play characters, I always get beat up. Oh, yeah, that was good.

Whenever I'm in a scene, like my character is usually the one that gets his ass kicked. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Wow, so you've done it all then. I mean, look at your life. If you look back at your life from fucking being a page. Oh, it's insane.

I would not be able to comprehend, I truly. And then the Matt Walsh, you see me? My parents had no money growing up Like I was lucky enough. We grew up middle class, but we knew nobody in the industry. This is If I look back it is ludicrous even any monochrome of success, but it's like the things I've done I love video games. I get to play Sonic. I love cartoon DuckTales is my favorite show when I was a kid I got to play Dewey. I got to play Leonardo and Teenage Mutant Turtles I got to do all these things that as a kid,

I would never in a million years. And then Improv, there I am. Oh my God. In the Bronx. And then me. Are you Jewish? No. Okay.

No, I'm very Jewish. What did you speak to me about? I'm literally, you can see there's like a. Are you Puerto Rican? There's a dreidel in my mouth. I'm literally sucking on a dreidel right there. But there's, for Improv, the biggest thing for me for Improv was that we only performed for 90 people

at UCB, that's what it was. Nobody ever really went beyond that. And then we, I built it out and then different people, we all did these things, and if you told me that I was playing any of the venues I'm playing now, it would not even make sense because Long Form Improv never got to play those venues. So we are the first people to break into 90% of the venues I'm playing now, it would not even make sense because Long Form Improv never got to play those venues. So we are the first people to break into 90%

of these venues. So for me, that's the biggest thing where it's like, this is insane, I can't believe, none of it is real. I was not expecting any of this. I just always worked really hard. You didn't live in the results. I lived in the moment. I think this should be the title of this episode.

You did it because you loved it. Yes. And there's another thing to it too is that- You have to be willing to fail, right? You have to be willing to- Willing to fail. To not make money on it. But also I was walking down the street, I saw an old-

Congrats by the way. You usually take a moped, right? Isn't that your thing? That was so funny. Yeah. You still got it, Ken. Thank God. Yeah, but still got it, kid. Thank God. Yeah, but I was walking down the street in La Jolla,

and I walked by the comedy store, La Jolla. There was a help wanted sign, and I got a job there as a bar back. This is the beginning? Yeah, and I just crawled from open mics. My parents are immigrants. They had no, obviously no connections to, you know what I mean, even America really, you know what I mean?

They only spoke Korean. And I kinda just crawled my way up. I mean, I did a lot of backstabbing and cockroachy behavior. Did you? Yeah, to climb up. Oh my God, so many cockroachy behaviors of like sabotage. Really? Oh yeah, yeah, and like, people turn their back on,

fff, fff, f on, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not literally, but like. Oh, I get it. He's used this podcast. I'm a big fan. And then that kind of thing. But it's like, I got here, you know what I mean?

Without any connections at all. You worked your ass off. Yeah, I just, you know, I remember my agent, I met at the comedy store in the patio. He was a mail room guy at O'Gersh, right? And now he's the head of the comedy department at CAA. Wow. Right, but I remember meeting him in the 90s,

and he's like, he's a kid from Bakersfield, and I kinda got in that way with, I grew up with people. Yeah, dude. You know what I mean? And so I look back at my life and I go, yeah, even though you're a scoundrel, I've done some good things too. I help a bunch of people get sober.

It seems like you've grown is the biggest thing of all this. Thank you, thank you so much. I don't think you're backstabbing people now. And I think I exaggerate, like for instance, that Kitty Dipple thing, I don't think, I think I exaggerated that. I don't think there was any of like, I'm gonna shoot up the room or anything like that.

Right. You know what I mean? So it's like, there's a lot of exaggeration going on. I think at the end of the day, I'm gonna shoot up the room or anything like that. You know what I mean? So it's like there's a lot of exaggeration going on. I think at the end of the day, I'm a decent dude and I did it the right way. And I feel there's a sense of pride with that. I'm sure you feel the same way. There is the, and also it's the same thing.

I couldn't afford class at UCB, so I asked to be an intern. I did the garbage there and recycling there and gave out tickets. And that's how I got classes. And then I took the classes, you know what I mean? And Amy was a part of, like, I took class at UCB because I loved SNL and I loved Amy on SNL. And I was like, okay, and I took class

at Second City New York and that at the same time. And UCB really made sense to me. And when I was doing standup, I was still like, ah, standup, I wish I was amazing at this, but I really love this. This is what I'm better at, I think. So I leaned towards improv, but same thing. I didn't know, I was amazing at this, but I really love this. This is what I'm better at, I think. So I will lean towards improv, but same thing. I didn't know, I was doing the garbage

and the recycling to get classes, and then you slowly build, dying to get a commercial agent, dying, finally took a class that they forced commercial agents to come at the end, and then they saw me, I didn't get an agent, I had to do it again, I finally got a commercial agent, I started booking commercials, but they never aired, but I made just enough money to just have enough money.

I would eat plain pizza slices, but take all the free toppings, like the red peppers and the Parmesan, and pile of months, they felt like they were special. I went to Wendy's, I knew the dollar menu by heart. You learn, but it was the best time. The beginning is always the best time. What are the items in the Wendy's dollar menu?

Oh, you get a burger. Well, by the way, also, if you do McDonald's, there's two things. If I had enough money, I'd get the two burger, the two cheeseburger meal at McDonald's. And then, but Burger King would also get like the 99 cent pies. Remember they had chocolate, they had different pies.

But Wendy's, it would be chicken nuggets, a burger by itself, and a fry by itself. Wow. Yeah, and then I would have tap water at home. Yeah, I used to eat that. Really? Yeah, of course. Me and my roommate Kalista, we live in Silver Lake and we used to split a BRC burrito at El Pollo Loco. Oh. Bean rice and cheese burrito and we would argue about who got more beans. Oh And that's how poor we were. But I think about that time as maybe my favorite time in comedy of my life. Yeah. For real.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. the stuff when I had nothing and we were just, nobody was watching us, we'd be so excited if anybody came, it was me, Adam Pally and Gil Ozzeri, we were a team called Hot Sauce. And nobody knew who we were and nobody would come to our fucking shows. Come on, you were in a cage match.

Say oh yeah, you didn't see that. Did you see, you saw that? Yeah, I was in New York at the time. Oh my God. I remember yeah, there was one where you guys didn't even stand on stage once. You like went into the audience. How many people were there?

How many people were there, George? I was there for that one. How many people were there, George? That's when we were selling out. Not probably 40. That's when we were selling out. Oh yeah. That was 100, yeah.

Wait, so wait, that's amazing they're saying that. Wow. So I'm gonna tell you this, the beginning of that was, I was still an intern and then I became a bartender at UCB because I needed money. Yeah. And then there's a show on Sundays called Ask Cat, and that's where Amy and all those guys perform,

the best people. They would get off stage, and we would beg the manager of the theater, because it's over, the show's over, we cleaned up, I mopped the stage, I mopped the stage, and I said, can me, Gil, and Adam just get on stage in front of nobody and just do scenes?

And the manager's like, come on, we gotta go home. I go, please, please, please. And for 15, 20 minutes, the three of us, nobody would come see us perform, so we just performed for nobody when the theater's like, come on, we gotta go home. I go, please, please, please. And for 15, 20 minutes, the three of us, nobody would come see us perform, so we just performed for nobody when the theater was closed, and we would laugh, and it was the best time, and then we started doing more shit together, and then we started, we did a cage match,

which is one team shows up, another team shows up, you both perform, whoever has the best, the audience decides who comes back. Wow. And we won, and we kept winning, and that's how people started to notice us, because we were so, we did scenes that were like 10 seconds long sometimes. We were really quick and then we wanted to make it unique

so every show we invented a new form. So the form you're talking about was we never went on stage, all three of us stayed in the audience and pretended that we were heckling different things. Like 30 minutes. Wow. For 30 minutes, were you at that or no?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so good. Nobody's seen that or no? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so good. Nobody's seen that. I cannot believe. Straight from like a baseball stadium. That's exactly right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. Dude, I can't, I almost want to talk to you because I don't remember it and I can't wait to hear about it. But it was like, literally that we were at baseball stadium and then like we would sometimes would know each other. Hey John, but we sat on, the audience was three pieces, one and two here. Yeah.

Someone sat there, someone sat there, someone sat there and we would yell at each other or yell at whatever we would pretend is happening Wow, that's your that's a very unique show and we're all Jewish We all have a little hummantash Yeah, but yeah, yeah, they're all doing to a Jewish a Jewish accent right now All your accents have a little hint of Asian yeah Yeah, I think you're looking at my AEs again. Oh sorry. I can't believe you're at that show.

That means, I can't believe it. Because for improv, once it's over, it's over. For you, you could do jokes from that set and take it to other sets. We never do the same shit. That's bullshit. You had to be there. I'll tell you why that's bullshit. Tell me.

Right, because you know. Because you haven't seen the show in 20 years, tell me. No, no, no. What I'm saying is, I know how it works. Tell me. So what I'm saying is, you're telling me that something you did in LA four years later, let's say you're in like Oklahoma City or whatever,

that you don't say the same lines. Never. Ever. No, you might see me playing same characters. Exactly, but there's some nuances you might. I like being an asshole character, or like I'll be a waiter, but that waiter's gonna, if you were at that show,

it means you went to see a lot of shows. Yeah. So never you're like, oh, I, I, I, I. We might say, let me say. There's a line from six years ago in Fort Lauderdale I can do right now, you don't do that? Never, never. Oh, really?

No, but sometimes like if a troll appears, he'll ask you to answer his riddles, but it won't be like, even if I'm playing a wizard or a magician, I make sure that is a totally different thing. Kind of wizard. I'll never try to do the same exact lines, yeah, never. Be a wizard now, be a wizard.

What would you like me to do, go. Talk about. You should improvise with him, just be a person talking to a wizard. Great, I'm a wizard, go. What am I then? Don't say anything, just do it, go. Go.

Oh here, I'll help you out. No, I don't need your help. I don't need your help. Bobby, you play yourself. You play yourself. What's the music? What the fuck? Yeah, I don't need your help.

It's crutch. A hat on a hat on a hat on a hat. I don't need your help. You're not allowed. Do a scene with me, you're not allowed. I'm not allowed? Okay, okay. Okay, ready?

You can even be yourself. You're coming to... No, I can do character. I was on a sketch for eight years. Okay. Oh! Here comes an Asian guy yelling at me. All right. No, don't. No.

His mouth. I'll be the crazy part. No, no, no, no, no. Let's see you be the straight man. Master. Oh, God. It works, it works. Yeah, master. Yes, yes, Bobby.

Good to see you, Bobby. I can't find your orb, master. Okay, well, you know where my orbs are. I got one in my pocket. Can you reach your hand in there for me, please? Okay, Master. Again, Master? Yes, please, yes.

For the last time, Master, I wasn't touching your orb. Now, Bobby. Now, Bobby. All right, here we go. Okay, the pocket's very deep. Keep going, Bobby. Oh! See, we're already halfway.

We're good. That's good. What'd you think of my character? Tell me what you think he looks like. He seems like Igor. Yeah, well he's got a big yellow face. Yeah. Squinty eyes, you know?

Oh, okay. Why? I'm the one that's saying it, Ben. I thought it was Igor. I thought it was like a big hump. Yeah, yeah, he does have a hump. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But, yeah, wow, that was good, that was fun yeah, he does have a hump. Oh, okay, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, yeah, wow, so that was good, that was fun. So that's how improv works. Is there a hype, man? Yeah. Are you confident you could just get on stage and do it now? Yeah, now you do one with Ben. I may?

Yeah, do it for him. Great, okay. We don't even know what the premise is. Give me a suggestion, at least give me something so you know I'm making it up. Give me a- A suggestion. Not a suggestion, just anything. Tell me-

Oh, I know how to do it, okay? So you're- I don't know, don't tell me what anything. Tell me- Oh, no, no, no, I know how to do it, okay? So you're- No, no, no, don't tell me what I am. Okay. Okay, how about this? Tell me something funny that happened to you yesterday. Really? Okay.

I was on stage and some guy in my second show, this really happened, some 500 pound man passed out in the middle of my act. There's like 500 people in the audience. He's face down, right? And I think he died. And now in my mind, I'm like, people in the audience, he's face down, right, and I think he died, and now in my mind I'm like, do I stop the show or do I keep going? Did he die?

No. No, but I got a text this morning, or yesterday, last night, a DM from a girl, she goes, that guy, he died. So then I had to call, yeah, so then I frantically called. I'm of course not gonna do an improv show. Hey, yo! Well you asked me, what happened? So then I kept calling. I said, say something frantically called. I'm of course not gonna do an improv. Hey, you! Well, you asked me what happened.

So then I kept calling. I said, say something funny that happened. I know, so I kept calling the Houston improv going, you know what I mean? Did the guy die? Did the guy die? And they're like, no. You know what happened?

He passes out on my show, 500 pound man, right? They gurney him outside, right? So do you stop the show when that's happening? I stop, yeah, it was terrible. 10 minutes, right? It's a nightmare, literally a nightmare. 10 minutes, it's a outside, right? So do you stop the show when that's happening? I stop, yeah, it was terrible. 10 minutes, right? It's a nightmare, literally a nightmare. 10 minutes, it's a nightmare, right? They gurneyed him out, right?

Don't worry about that guy. He stands up and he goes, where does he go? Straight to a pizza shop. Oh no. Wait, so he passed out then? In my show. I understand that, I'm saying he passed out, then he came to him and went to a pizza shop.

How do you know he went to a pizza shop? In my mind he does. Oh, improv. Improv, bud. So that's not a real story. No, he did pass out. Okay, but you don't know if he went to a pizza shop. Yeah, and then he did, yeah.

And then I did get the, the truth of it, I did get a direct message from a lady. That he's fine. That he died. And then I did call the club, and then he just got up and went home. Oh my god. I know.

So do it and... And sing. I could but I don't want to. All right, all right, all right. So what happened, what else happened yesterday? Wait, that's a crazy story. I have a crazy story too, kind of. I went out last week.

Wait, do your closer, do your closer. Has he done it on the air? Is this great? First time you're hearing? Stand up closer? Yeah. Yeah, it's a bullshit story, go ahead. Do you need any context from the previous

four minutes of the act or no? No. Okay, great. Wait, has he ever done this? Is this exclusive? He's gonna eat it, but let's go. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

All right. Do you need to be standing up? No, I can sit down. Bobby's heard this probably 20 times, this joke. I've never seen this act. Here's what I do. When anyone's opening for me, I just listen for laughs. I don't listen to jokes.

And he got laughs, so I'm just like, I just let it go. Oh, and you're just making sure that he's making people laugh? I just want him to be happy, and I also want the room to be getting warmed up. Okay, got it. They're doing their job, what their job, I don't care. We don't have a warm up actually,

I don't even know what that process feels like. Yeah, it's a good process. So do you, if someone gets too many laughs, are you like, that's too much or no? So Ramsey this weekend was crushing, right? And I would whisper to him, because he gets off stage and I'm up to go on, I'm headlining, right?

So I'd go, too much dude. Really? Oh yeah, never outshine your your master I would say stuff like that and would you talk about it on stage is it no no I would go up there and crush so you're any ending joke my closer from my scent yeah yeah hey thanks for watching me guys if you guys want to watch me no that's the very end go right before that no this is a joke oh there's a joke, right? Yeah. Oh, yeah that I thought you're doing a bit being like Yeah, good night. Ladies and gentlemen. No, not that I literally thought you do That's like that's like me being like, okay. Tell me about the end of the movie. Okay, so the credits are rolling and

Sorry buddy, no my bad go Yeah, you guys want to watch me, I'm on this podcast with Bobby Lee. I was with Bobby Lee a couple days ago and he gifted me a pocket pussy and he's like you need this more than I do. And I was like can I get a new one? And then they just laugh and I'm like alright thank you guys. That's your closer? I like it.

Yeah, it gets laughs. That's your closer? Yeah, you didn't hear it? Oh no, you didn't thank you guys. That's your closer? I like it. Yeah, it gets laughs. That's your closer? Yeah, you didn't hear it? Oh, no, you didn't hear it, right? That's your closer. Yeah. What's your first joke? What's your first joke?

I have lower back arthritis. No, because I have a pocket pussy joke that I stopped doing. There was at least some jokes in there. Wait, wait, wait. Give me your first one. Give me your first one. My lower back arthritis? Are you in it?

Is this it? No. All right, do it, do it, do it. So let's say that I'm getting old. You were asking me like I know you're old for it. Go ahead, go ahead. I'm getting old that I have lower back arthritis on my lower left and one of the causes leading up to it, it's a lot of masturbating, standing up and people just laugh. So, do you say and people just laugh? No, people do.

I should watch. I think this is the fucking lesson here. I bet you're open. Yeah, I bet people laugh at it. And then I'd be like, so any fellas out here masturbate standing up, you might want to lay down next time. Oh, OK, there we go. That's kind of funny. There we go.

I like that. Yeah, I don't have to lay down next time. Oh, okay, there we go. That's kind of funny. That's a laugh. There we go. I like that a lot. Yeah, yeah. I don't have lower back arthritis. It's a real thing, but one of my uncles has it. Oh, so it's not real for you. Is this still part of the act or no? No, no, he has it. He was telling me and I was like,

oh, that's pretty funny. Okay, okay. But he's a hard, he's an old man. You're developing, you're developing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so Ben, you want to promote anything? I want to say, by the way, I had just the best time with you. Oh the best. The time went by so quickly. Oh yeah. You're so nice and I would like to exchange numbers

with you afterwards so you can give me some suggestions. I'm gonna text Katie and see if it's a bad idea to change numbers with you and then I'm gonna exchange numbers. Well you know I've had Katie's number for 20 years and I've never texted her. So basically our text would be like you know give me the thing and then you give me the thing and then we'll probably never see each other again. No. Anyway I'm good at keeping things going. You are? If it's okay okay. Oh by the way I just typed in recreate Igor is an Asian man. That's the character was doing. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, very good. All right good. Okay good on April 21st I'm announcing the rest of the tour. Okay, but for now you go to rejected jokes comm backslash tour

I think probably would be up is we have those Australia dates are doing Sydney Opera House. Wow, that's how many seats is that? um, I Don't know. I'm not sure. I don't think it's- 3,000? No, it's less, it's less. Oh really? Yeah. Okay.

We're all sold out for all three of those. Yeah. And then you're gonna see a bunch, we're doing Florida, April 21st, I have, I'm doing 29 shows this year, so it'll be the rest of the tour. Amazing. And I don't think I'll tour this much ever again,

because it's a lot. I know you guys do way more dates. Is there any way to like do a show for Netflix, a live show or something? So I have a I have a special called Middle Ditch and Schwartz that I did with Thomas Middle Ditch. I have three of them on Netflix and then I have something brewing with Ben Schwartz and Friends Now that is unique that I'll tell you about later. Wow okay okay okay that was super fun what I thought you gonna close it you wouldn't you want to do the closer that was super fun well let's let's music it hey you have great hair by the way you're

great too I feel bad you didn't get to say anything. Do you want to talk about anything? No, okay No way unplugging it Oh little Donkey Kong theme Oh You're gonna sing it hey this was so much fun We had Bobby Lee in Ben Schwartz You can catch him on tour for 29 shows and The franchise Sonic the Hedgehog give him one more time a round of applause everybody Was that good very good you sure yeah, it was great. Oh, what's that wasn't laughing. Ben. Thanks for having me, guys. What happened? After. After. After.

After. After. After.