TigerBelly - Best of 2022
Episode Date: January 4, 2023Nosostros Papaya to you my friend! 2022 was a wild year for TigerBelly and the gang. We laughed, we cried, and we apparently had a Reddit scandal. Please enjoy some of the best moments of 202...2!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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We want you on the podcast. You're one of the biggest guys.
But also, I look at you like a professor.
Just to hear me out, you look like a professor to me.
You're right. I look up to you.
And there are certain things that people know that I don't know how to do.
And I want you to teach me.
Like what?
Well, that's where we have the thing.
So, honestly, I refuse to learn how to read that type of clock.
You just gotta do it.
I don't know how to do it.
You just gotta read time.
I refuse. Yeah, I'm digital, baby.
I'm digital.
That's all digital for me.
Are you dyslexic?
I'm not dyslexic. It's like, no.
We don't know.
You don't know?
We don't know.
I have a lot of problems.
I could have a mood disorder.
You have, for sure, adult ADHD.
Yeah, for sure.
I might have bipolar too, maybe.
Maybe.
We don't know yet.
But there are certain things that I refuse to learn,
but I'm willing to learn now.
Okay.
And so, the only one that I feel I can teach me is you.
I refuse for these guys.
We've tried for years.
We've tried for years.
I won't even listen.
What do you mean it's like...
That's why you're fucking here!
To teach you how to read a clock?
I have different things I don't know about.
That's why you're here.
That's why you're here.
Okay, let me hold it.
Let me hold it.
But isn't it just basically the...
I don't know any of it, man.
All right.
Is that old Bob?
That's old Bob.
I'm so sorry.
That was Relab's Bob.
No, it wasn't because there was a vulnerability to the screaming.
That is true.
It wasn't...
I was trying for help.
I was trying for help.
It wasn't defensive.
It wasn't...
All right.
Usually it's defensive.
Is this supposed to be like this?
Is this supposed to go ahead of it?
No.
Like...
That's...
It's bent.
Okay.
All right.
So, let me just say something.
So, what time is it right now?
Look at your digital.
It sounds good.
It's 4.45.
Okay.
So, put the little hand on the four.
I feel like I'm watching...
This one right here?
Yeah.
No, the little one.
This one?
Yeah.
Put that on the four.
Uh-huh.
There you go.
Now, put the big one...
Hey, would you say 4.45?
Yeah.
Put it on the nine.
Okay.
Yeah.
Now, you know why that's like that?
You know why that's like that?
Why?
Well, the four is self-explanatory, right?
It's four.
It's four o'clock.
Right.
Now, the nine is because...
Do you see how the clock has little dots all around it?
Yeah.
There's 60 minutes in an hour.
Yeah, I know.
Yeah.
Okay.
By the way, I know that.
Okay.
Good.
I know that.
Okay.
So, at what minute...
So, minute one starts at the 12.
Don't give up.
Don't give up, Bobby.
Look.
I think I got it.
Look, minute one starts at the 12.
So, if it's on nine, what minute is that?
All right.
So, 9.45.
There you go.
Oh, you should make a few.
So, 4.45.
So, if...
Okay, let's see.
This is three...
45.
This is 3.30.
That's right.
This is 3.40.
Yes.
Let me test you.
All right.
Turn around.
Mark's voice.
Yeah, that's right.
Yeah.
It's fucking easy.
Why are you digital for so long?
Pretty fucking easy.
Yeah.
Oh.
So, what time is it?
Wait, so this is...
Wait, why is this...
So, this is at a...
Yeah.
Here.
Yeah, so, yeah.
At 12?
Yes, yes.
And this is here?
12.10.
Right.
There you go.
But what happens if this is...
Okay, what about this?
What if this is here in the middle of 12 and 1?
Well, it won't be there unless it's 12.30.
Oh.
Okay, okay.
How about this?
How about this, buddy?
How about this?
What?
That is 12, right?
Yeah.
54.
Yeah.
Congratulations.
12.54.
Yeah.
Wow.
Digital is so much easier.
Sure.
So much easier.
Can we admit that?
Yeah, yeah.
But like, you know, we...
I didn't have digital.
I grew up...
I learned from that.
That's so easy.
You really did the first time that you...
I swear to God, that's so...
50 years, man.
Dom Monaghan, episode 339.
I love it.
That's on me, and I apologize.
Imagine how I had to finger my own ass.
Are you not sad that it's me?
Stop, stop, stop, stop.
I don't know what you're saying right now.
I'm just saying.
You want her on the podcast?
I don't know.
It's really wild.
No, but I know, like, here's the thing is, is that...
It's nine years of fisting my own ass.
Baby, baby, baby, baby, baby.
He's making eye contact.
Baby, baby, baby.
Don't talk like that, baby.
Okay?
What I'm saying to you is that I feel like a male's asshole is far more grisly.
Grisly.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, you know, even an Englishman like this young man right here, right?
I feel like his asshole is still on the grisly side.
Yeah, I mean...
Yeah.
Go ahead.
Well...
I had a grisly asshole.
Trying to get away from my own asshole.
I feel like as soon as you move into the bedroom arena and two consenting adults getting naked,
I feel like whatever the girl asks for, you should be able to at least have a conversation
about it, like, oh, I've never done that before.
Maybe you can give me some pointers, but I'd be happy to.
As long as you're not hurting someone and they don't want it, I think you should be
able to say, I want this and I want that.
Everyone has their own...
Right.
...references.
I would agree.
I think most guys...
Yeah.
...feel like that's an area of their body that's probably a little kind of private and maybe
not...
Grisly, here's the thing.
I have to say that 95% of all the men I've been with enjoy some type of, you know, ass
play.
Oh, really?
It's a very stimulating, erogenous zone.
All I'm saying is...
Who comes in?
Right, but I don't have to eat your ass after, you know, you've sat in a car for six hours.
Sarah Hyland, episode 346, The Dance Off.
But it's okay.
I was like, it's purple.
It's the aubergine?
Yeah.
Yeah, it was like a purplish.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was, yeah.
I'm not bad.
Yeah.
Prince would, well, don't warn it like the color.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Made it into a hat or whatever.
Or a jacket.
Yeah, a jacket.
So on Netflix these past two nights, I've been watching this documentary called Dancing
with Birds.
Yeah.
And it's basically these birds that have very specific mating calls and go through like
lengths to attract the mate, some of them like build like palaces made like of sticks
and some of them do these really cool dance and some of them mimic humans, right?
Yeah, there's this one bird that he, a bowlery, is that what he makes?
That, yeah.
A bowlery, you know, and he spends eight years building this twig, you know what I mean?
Monument almost.
Yeah.
Right?
Like the birds don't mate in it or whatever to impress women.
But he adorns it like he'll hang little like moss on the tips like you would like Christmas
balls in the Christmas tree.
Spends every day of his life.
To attract a female.
One female.
One.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, but then that's not it.
Mm-hmm.
The bird, a female bird hangs out, comes and goes, hmm, let me see your little thing, right?
And then he has to do other things like he does a thing where he sings, but he sings
like, first like a bird, but then he sings, he mimics things that he's heard.
So he's, he wood chopping, humans chopping wood.
He does that, right?
Then he does humans talking, yeah, then he, he does a mimic children playing.
It's insane.
Whoa.
I have a question for you guys is love Bobby, if you had to, if you were a bird, he does
that like that.
If you had to attract the mate right this second, I want to see what dance you would
put out.
Okay.
Well, doing children playing sounds.
Just the dance or like song, I would have to do, no, that's over and over and over.
I don't like why is it such a noncy?
What if, what if that's not working?
What would you do next?
Oh, that's a good one.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
That's a good one.
Circle circle.
Damelo.
Damelo.
Damelo.
That's a good one.
Give it to me.
I'm doing this.
And then I would have, is it working Sarah?
Yeah.
Even though you didn't get her, you would do the same thing.
Yeah.
Because they do, they always, because if you watch this documentary, they always come
back sometimes.
The girl always comes back.
Yeah, sometimes they'll do their thing and they're like, huh, and they'll fly away and
they go, wait a second.
That was actually pretty good.
That was pretty good.
And he'll fly.
But it, but it made me realize that humans do the same thing, man.
That's why we were alone.
That's why we get the shoes.
That's why you wear that awful shirt.
You know what I mean?
Because the bird that you want to attract would like that piece of shit.
I'm kidding.
It's a nice shirt.
And also, there are shoes that, you know, I like your shoes.
You bought me shoes before, and I like your style.
Okay.
So that was an attack and I apologize.
All right.
Wow.
But you know, why do we, you know, why did I do stand up?
Same reason.
I did it initially to impress women, to get women, because I couldn't get any, right?
So that was me showing my wings, you know what I mean, and my, and my thing.
You know, I do, men do things, you know what I mean, to attract women.
What do you think as women we do?
We do the same thing.
We do the same thing, right?
Yeah.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
If not more, maybe.
Oh my God.
So much more.
With your bird dance.
Yeah, Colette.
I love hobbies.
I appreciate it.
Yeah.
Yeah.
With your bird dance.
Yeah.
The only bird dance is after the bird dance.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
It's not so much a bird dance.
Yeah.
And it's just this bird motion.
Oh, I see.
It does.
There we go.
That works every time.
Yeah.
It doesn't take as much work for girls to get guys.
Oh, I'm a throat goat.
So what happens is I just want the, the circumference of how wide my mouth can get.
Yeah.
And how they can see into the back, into my uvula.
And it's never not worked.
Yeah.
I feel like if I was, you know how that bird built that brewery for eight years.
Yeah.
I feel like day one, that bird would take a stick and start building it.
And then you would just show up and go.
Oh.
Oh, no.
And I'd be like, it's that easy?
Yeah.
I just have a twig.
Yeah.
Yeah.
This is easy.
What a whore bird.
What's your, what's your bird move?
Oh boy.
Yeah.
Mine, but mine's more physical.
I'm more like, I want to see.
I want to see the dance.
Yeah.
Please Sarah.
Yeah.
You do it with me.
No, I already did mine, man.
I already did mine.
I'm a bird, you do it with me.
Come here, bird.
Yeah.
Oh, I love it.
White people mating.
White people mating.
White people mating.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, how about a bear?
A little similar move.
Yeah, yeah.
That's so funny.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's just white people at a club.
Yeah.
This is just.
Yeah.
This is just a rave 1994.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Where are your glow sticks?
They're a Molly.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
That's a good one.
I like that.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Okay.
This bird is never going to get laid.
Yeah.
Hey, guys.
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Anyone?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Oh, that's so funny.
Hello?
Good job.
Wow.
Very good.
Yeah.
Good.
That's how white people dance, huh?
That's really what they do.
Yeah.
My favorite is there's a meme.
I don't know.
I'm sure you can find it, but it's like a bunch of like goth white kids under a bridge.
I've seen that.
Yeah.
Have you seen that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's like my favorite.
Yeah.
Timeless.
If you can find it's the funniest thing because everybody puts different captions to it,
but it's a bunch of like goth white kids.
Yeah.
And like big raver pants that are like literally their heads don't move, but they just have.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
There's this funniest thing to me.
This one?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because people put different memes.
I'll be so disappointed.
This is the one without music.
Yeah.
That guy.
That guy.
That guy.
Oh my God.
That's what you and George were just doing just now.
That's what you guys were doing.
Oh my God.
That's like they have parents that are like crying right now.
But they're so upset.
They're supposed to be a doctor.
Dude, that guy's special.
I like that one.
Look at that guy.
I can't take it.
Oh my God.
I can't take it.
Oh my God.
Sometimes people put to like Christmas music during the holidays.
It's the funniest thing to me on the planet.
Oh my God.
It's so crazy to me that they just, he has blood on his shirt.
There's self-induced blood.
What's happening?
Let me ask you something.
If that was your child, right?
Yeah.
Do you say something?
Would you say something or do you just kind of, they're living in your house.
Yeah.
You're listening to this horrendous music.
You know what I mean?
All your fish net stocking clothing is gone.
Yeah.
Yeah.
What would you say to them?
You just let them be.
But they're 23.
They're 23.
They don't have a job.
They work at Subway.
That guy was balding already.
He looked a lot older.
Yeah.
They're 30.
They're still getting home.
What do you say?
Follow your dreams, babe.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
If they were, if they were 37.
Oh, and they were still.
And living in my fucking house.
And ripped clothes.
Ripped clothes and listened to nothing but death metal.
Yeah.
And they're going under the bridge.
Definitely be like, you got to get up.
You have to go.
What age though?
How long?
How old?
I said 37, but I would, I would cut.
No, I would cut.
Be real.
I would say 18.
Get the fuck.
Get out.
Get it out.
18.
Get out.
Get out.
They're still doing that, but they didn't do anything.
They had no job.
No Starbucks.
No, when I was 18, I lived at home until I was 20 or 19.
Okay.
20, right?
But I, um, number one had a job.
Sold corn.
Number two, I was sober.
So I was going to a lot of meetings back then and, um, I was trying to do self-improvement
and I was showing my parents that I was trying to change and this and that.
That's one thing.
Yeah.
But I wasn't going underneath the bridge and doing that.
Yeah, that's what.
Yeah, yeah.
It's maybe it's their way of like their equivalent of stand up.
It's what gives them this artist.
That's just like stand up.
That is exactly like stand up.
No, no, no.
That's basically you.
Your bridge.
It's like your stand up.
That's not like stand up.
That's not like stand up.
It's not.
Bobby was doing 68.
You know how scary stand up is?
That's not scary.
These are kids that you fucking went to school, right?
With, right?
You guys have the same shitty interests and that's, you know, I mean, there's no fear
or anything that you're walking through, right?
Yes.
It's not the same thing, but you just got me so angry.
I'm so sorry.
I apologize.
I apologize.
I deserve that.
Yeah.
Sorry.
Sorry.
It's not stand up.
Okay.
Yeah.
I get so when I get excited and happy, I sweat.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Brandon Shaw, episode 347.
Is that nice?
There was a guy.
He was on funny.
I came back with, oh, that's a big clue.
And that's something about a peach emoji and then.
But my thing with that guy, do you think that's nice?
Oh, no.
But I didn't say your name, but it's, it's, hang on one second, Brendan.
Let me tell, let me ask you this.
If we're having this discussion about something that happened in the past and we're having
a giggly little girl talk, where is the crime in that?
There's no crime.
You can do whatever you want.
Right.
I've no issue with that.
Okay.
Yeah.
No issue with it.
All right.
I'm just saying, is that, is that nice?
That's all.
I have gone to you and said, if I could go back, if I had known that a tiny little giggly girl
talk was going to spiral into this, I would have wired my mouth shut.
But in my heart of hearts, while you may think it's not nice and now I admit, not the nicest
thing to say, it was just an anecdote.
Sure.
I think much of it on saying that because hitting on someone is just simply not a cancelable
offense.
That was my justification for it.
Who the fuck cares who hits on who seven years ago had fake tits.
Then they were shiny.
You liked them.
You DM'd me.
You said, sorry.
Fuck it.
Right.
I'm with you.
Okay.
I own that.
Yeah.
Good.
You're special when you're special, when the flyer week, I want to do, I want to plug
your special.
Hey, go watch my special.
Everyone watch.
See me in Philadelphia next week.
Next week in Philadelphia.
What helium?
Yeah.
At the Philadelphia Mark Harman.
What's his name?
The owner.
Mark.
Mark.
Cute.
What?
No, the owner.
Mark.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Great guy.
We don't have.
Yeah.
Check out his special.
Actually Tiger, but like a fighter of the kid, fighter of the kid and Kings, Kings wings.
And make sure you get your thick boy merch.
Thick boy merch.
Okay.
Give him one more question.
Oh God.
We're fucking out of this.
I have no.
I have no.
I wish I could say the same thing.
Um, well, I love you, man.
I wish I could.
I wish I could.
You know what I mean?
Um, Oliver Tree, episode 353.
Oliver Tree walks off.
I think that we should hard reset with a real hug this time.
A real hug.
A real hug.
No, you're hugging.
I'm not hugging him right now.
I'm not hugging him right now.
I will not.
I'm not hugging you, man.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That was amazing.
See, here's a dude.
Here's a dude.
First of all, I can press charges for you.
Push me.
Bro.
Right.
For what?
For what?
For pushing me.
That's a solid.
I didn't touch you.
Anyway, um, one of my best friends, Ethan, was just on the line.
Stop.
And, uh, so here's the deal, dude.
You didn't even know his number, dude.
Stop playing.
Who are you fucking kidding?
He picked up from me, didn't he, not?
I don't know.
Was that even Ethan?
I don't know.
Was that another one of your guys you pay?
Whoa.
See what I mean?
Gilbert.
You know what he's calling you?
A paid bitch.
No, he's calling me a paid chink.
Yeah.
Change.
Oh, no.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
All right.
All right.
All right.
I am a chump fucking push.
I'll fuck you.
Fuck you.
You hurt me, dude.
I'll fuck you up like I did to Logan Paul.
All right.
Don't leave me though.
Don't leave, though.
All right?
Because every time you fucking leave, dude, I'm going to do that.
All right.
Fucking hurt me, dude.
Fucking my hair up, bro.
You're gonna bruise my arm, dude.
Yeah.
You do probably bruise like a banana, dude.
Oh, banana.
What's a banana?
Yellow.
I
Can do a guy who took Logan Paul guys double myself. Oh fuck you
All right, dude, all right, so every time you leave that you're gonna assault me don't leave all right
You're why do you want me here? It's about because your fucking ratings are literally non-existent. Do you want me to help you?
I would love
No, if you go over there, we have a very big
All right, so you're not going over there. No, no shut the fuck up side the light fucking weasel
It's just some hair. All right. She's just gonna help with the hair and then so here's the deal
All right, dude, you assaulted me three times. I didn't do shit. Okay, all right
I literally didn't do your hair is dumb, dude
It's the yeah, yeah, it's like people love it. Yeah, it's like
Guess what? Everyone's gonna have this care. Everyone's gonna care
Learn how to speak English, bro. All right. No, I'm gonna worked up. All right. Sorry. My bad. Let's start from a new
Yeah, all right
Apologize for assaulting me. I'm not apologizing for shit only thing I'll apologize about is I misspoke
Okay, you said a couple of racist thing you called me egg yolk stop. Yeah, you call me a banana, right?
Yeah, I'm he was white for the record, but inside he was you didn't have an egg inside
No, he didn't he was just was he not yellow in the inside. It's a shell
Right people put all my life though people have been saying that I'm like, you know me you're shaped like a boiled egg
Yeah, you you're very you're fighting with him. No, no, I've always she's right
She brings up a great point. You look like a big boiled egg. I
Actually a small boiled egg
You're a leg quail egg. Yeah quail egg. She's right. You you're amazing. Yeah, you big-ass fucking weird ears
Excuse me. Yeah, these beautiful things. These are multi-million dollar ears. Okay. I hear everything. All right
I got my ear to the ground. So I have my pulse on the culture. What do you have? You?
Fell the fuck off, bro
Is that fucking funny? Yeah
Yeah, you wish you had hair like this. Yeah, I wish it. This is the hair of a fucking
Multi-million. Look at that dude. You look like a homeless man. Oh, okay. That's pretty cool
Not gonna lie
That's way cooler than your stupid little hat with holes in it. How would you pay for that hat? It's a teddy fresh. Oh my god
Looks like shit. Yeah high quality. I love you, but high quality. We can do better
I bet that's one of the designs Ethan threw at it. He threw like three different designs. Yeah, all stuff that literally is falling apart. Yeah
Interesting. Yeah, interesting. Good stuff, man
Yeah, where were we before all the drama Chrissy D episode 356 team Calyla
Because you guys just publicly announced your breakup. Yeah, the last time I was here was when history hyenas had just broken up
Right, yeah, it's a breakup thing and it's interesting because
I know it's interesting. Yeah, because I just like oh well like how like poetic now
Because remember when I came in remember when I came in member. Yeah, what what did you put on?
Team yonny on a show. Oh, whoa. Oh, whoa. Oh
Yo, it's the same shirt
Chris the Stephano
So he has won the whites have beat the Asians once again just like World War two
This is my favorite day of any podcast I've ever done
That is so funny. Thank you for that cuz I did I not wear the team yonny shirt. I didn't know you didn't you work
They're not I didn't only Bobby didn't only Bobby. Thank you for that. He's gonna need a second to recover
I need thoughts on why I team Kalyla
Um, really the only thought of truthfully is doing cuz I know you guys broke up that said I suck
The only reason I did is cuz he put on the team yonny shirt
I just thought it'd be funny to put on team Kalyla then team cuz you know, I just thought it'd be
But you would be team Kalyla. No, no, no, yeah in real life. You know my team. Oh, hundred percent
No, I
Together like so, that's a brotherhood. No, that's what it is. Yeah, but this see like something like this doing this
Just shitting on having fun. I love how comics heal where like some other podcasts might be like
That's offensive. I'm gonna shoot you
I have no idea what you're talking about, but I like it. We're doing comedy. You do comedy. This is the show
I know we're doing the show. You see D. Why I'm in hot today. I think we don't edit shit today. Wow
Put that down
Yeah, you know what but you know what I what I wanted to help people though is because I've talked to a lot of like
Podcasts going I'm getting a lot of hate. Oh, I'm getting a lot of this and that and it's like what they don't understand
Is is that it's still money in your pocket or the worst thing that someone can say about you online, right?
It's them thinking about you. Yeah, and once they're thinking about you in one way or another
It's money in your fucking pocket. Yeah
Thank God you'd rather from a troll online than than being in person with Patrice O'Neill or somebody like thank God
He's dead. Thank God, you know, thank God Jim Noor and Keith Roberts and those old-school guys
You don't want them to fucking because they nicked Apollo. Yeah, Nick. The Apollo will hurt you with his words
Yeah, yeah, some Twitter troll asshole. He's done comedy once in his life. What they're saying is bullshit. Nick will hurt you
Yeah, yeah with great jokes Colin Quinn
They will come out and they will get you to where you know, you can't the pain never goes away
You know what I mean, yeah, yeah, I'm Twitter idiots. I just block them
I'm these things to me where I've like talked about in therapy. Yes. You're like that was personal. Yes
I mean, that's you know, I they talk about your acting how bad the actor you are
They don't give a shit on you. I'm just a shit on you. Yeah, yeah, these guys you get what I love, but it's beautiful
That's why I do comedy. Yeah, I like but you know, kind of I'm gonna say something controversial
I have more of an affinity and a love for I think East Coast
Okay, in terms of the cause because Whitney Cummings episode 358 breakup reaction
look, I it's I was thinking about it because I I was like catching up on everything
yesterday and
It's I'm sad. I mean, I'm sad because I know how sad
Y'all are and I think for me I have the and how do it's heartbreak
I mean life's it's like getting an animal that you know, it's gonna die at some point, you know what I mean
It's just that like they're not gonna die. There's no there you know, there's no way around it
It's like no one gets out alive
And I think that when you know someone is going through something that you've either gone through or you know
It's just like there's no way out but through unless you want to anesthetize yourself and do you know
Yeah, there's no way you notice and there's nothing anyone can do to take your pain
That's what's the most frustrating. Yeah when people that you love are in some kind of pain
in a fraught situation where the only thing they can do is feel it and then heal it and like with an animal dying or that
There's nothing you can do whereas if you were like, uh, we got our podcast and pull down from you to about here
Okay, here's why it's gonna be good. Here's why the thing that's ever happened you work stuff
Here's why you just dodged a bullet, you know, I mean
Um, you didn't get to work with Alec Baldwin. Um, and
And uh, and but when I heard you guys like talk about it, it was you know
My personal point of view as someone who my best friend and sort of business partner is an ex of mine that I dated when I was much
Younger and he's like very much like my soulmate my brother
And I believe that there is a type of intimacy that I I want Craig more than anything, which is
You know, someone that you've been in a romantic relationship with and now your family
That to me is the most life-affirming the the most proud relationship I I have and the most intimacy I have
so
Like I'm happy that you guys like have that
Yeah, you know like that in the way that you guys all are you articulated it and also because it didn't happen overnight
Right, this has been on the table for an entire year. Do we stay together? Do we not so it's just it isn't
I think that I'm able to talk about it
Objectively now because it we didn't have one giant fight and then say fuck off. You know, it's been something like slow burn
but it also was like
10 years is such a giant success and Helena Bonham Carter
Said it when her and tim Burton broke up. She's just because it ended doesn't mean it wasn't a success
Yes, and half of her family died in a plane crash. Oh my god. Let's think about that
Yeah, that's pretty good. Thanks. So she was definitely
Did you know that? Yeah, I know what does one have anything to do with the other man because dude, how many people do you know?
There's something fascinating to it when you really start like doing the math on how many entertainers have had like really horrendous shit happen to them
Yeah, uh, like I remember one time I was like, um
Stephen Colbert was on the daily show or something and I remember being like
Look at this guy
Nicest guy doesn't have any trauma. You don't have to be traumatized to be a comedian the funniest written
So I was like, you know what his parents? Yeah, like three of his family members just like died in plane crash when he was 10
We got it. Um
But uh, but yeah, I mean I just I think that for
I I could not think of a way that
A more elegant way that y'all have ostensibly navigated this in such a mature way and I think that like, you know
Not to bring up
So I made a movie uh about this, you know in this movie that I made the female brain
There was one whole storyline that was about this couple
It was Sophia Vargar and Deon Cole and they had been together for seven eight years and it's like
Our brain is wired to kind of our brain is savage, you know
It's like we're kind of wired to be madly obsessed and attracted to each other for like two years
The amount of time it would take to make a baby and then make sure the guy sticks around to care for it
And then we're wired to kind of move it's the fact that y'all have like overcome
Despite of our despite our most. Is that a true thing you just said? Yeah
We don't make as much oxytocin and dopamine for someone after like two years
But it's but you guys know I'm saying you have beat the
You're so you're love for each other and you're care for each other like you've built this despite
Biology like you've over, you know what I'm saying
Is that why every relationship I've ever had only lasted two years or even less?
But yeah, you stop producing dopamine oxytocin for the person but then you go look
Yes, I want to fuck everything that moves. That's what I'm wired to do, but I'm choosing
This I think I think that's the thing about relationships is Ethan Klein episode 359
Ethan wants credit for saving Bobby's life. I thought
You know was an alarming
shaped and sized mole
Okay, now as a friend as someone who cares about you has someone who could have potentially saved your life
I felt it was my duty to say something to you and not only that
I showed it to ab now. I didn't show it to a doctor. You misrepresented that a little bit when you were ranting about me
I said I showed it to ab now who the fuck is ab he works on our show of him. He's great and he's he was in premed
also, he showed it to
A doctor in his family
And they all said he should get it checked out so even so I I cross checked it with a few people
And then when I was like, okay, so I should really push this and I texted I said Bobby you're gonna fucking die
I would say I sent the text message
They're like, yo, that's cancer is because I wanted to scare you because I really wanted you to go see the dermatologist
And you did okay, can I and and and and by the way when I told this story
May I you said my name
I know but you take over you said it too early you said it too early
But go ahead, but I just want to say my piece and then you can go because this is a hit piece. I knew this would be
Is that a hit piece?
I don't even know what that means. I'm not that kind of a guy. You know what I mean?
Wait, let me normally if without the fucking most incident I'd be like Ethan clients can't remember. I'm yippie. Hooray. Oh, I know
But so when I told this story on my show
Everyone said, you know what even though it was a minor inconvenience to Bobby
We and you love him so much. It's important that you say something because you never know
You always hear these stories about like there's people on the tv
They've got a lump on their neck or something and then someone writes them an email and they go to doctor check it out
Saves their life same thing with you know, uh moles and stuff. Thank you. You're welcome. Thanks for saying thank you
What a good friend, but you got it removed, right?
Yeah, thank you. What a good friend. Why'd you remove it?
To prove you're wrong
How does that prove me wrong may I tell my side now and did they get a biopsy might tell my side now
May I tell my side did they biopsy it?
Yeah, and did we get the results back? Yeah, not yet
They did you did. Yeah, nothing nothing. Okay. Good. May sound good. Okay. Good. May I say mine? Yes. Okay, so
You know, um
If I had a friend who had a mole that looked first of all, it's none of my business
Because yeah, number one is I don't know what they're doing creatively with their body
Uh, you know what I'm saying what people do creatively with their body is the mind none of my business creatively
Whatever they if they want to grow a skin tag or whatever they want to do
You know with your own body. Okay. Let me finish. I got the top you I didn't interrupt you
I didn't interrupt you
Okay, all right, you'll be rude. Oh, please show. Okay. I'm sorry. All right, please
Right, you have unresolved problems with me though. It seems like that's why I'm getting it not now, man
But it's like I can't okay god
What is your problem? Why can't why can't you just listen?
I've listened to everything. You said you said you said you're freestyling with your body. What am I saying?
How am I just all right? All right, so I'm saying if I saw a mole
I would say at one time. I just look at a guy do you'll bro that mole looks I like it
But it cool art, but um get it checked out, right?
I would let it go at that. That's not what you did though. Mm-hmm during that day
You probably said it eight to ten times. No on your yourself
Yeah, you kept going. Yeah, man. You should go to get that checked out real concern. Let me just say something
Okay, let me finish that's what I right, but it wasn't eight and I am
Okay, what what number do you think it is? Are you talking about when I when you were there in person?
Yes, I definitely said it to a few times. Okay, and I followed up in text message. All right
So you did that. Yeah, and then I would say it one time anyway
Yeah, um and then
Literally, I got in my car. You you literally went you should really get that checked out
Mm-hmm like it's it's cancer like you said it was cancer
No, I can read it right now. Yeah, you can read it. Okay
You fuck I didn't say it's cancer. How would I know that right? So I just said it could be I don't I'll hear
Let me pull up my phone too. Yeah. Yeah, so um
You can see
Let me pull this up. Here's where's Bobby and ultimate. All right, so let me pull this up
I had to pay the price of eating the scabs. Dude. What though? You didn't eat the scab. I can show you the scab
All right. I got it right here. All right
Yeah, go ahead. I first I set you an image of
Okay, wait. Okay. Wait here here here. You want to read it or you want me to read it? I'll read it first
Yeah, all right. You go see a dermatologist. Is that where you're starting? No, you can start with the nice message that I said you first
I don't want to I said, thank you, bro. It was so nice seeing you. You added so much to the show today
It was fun. Love hanging out. Then you say all right. So all right. All right
You used to ask me. Let me okay. Let me go right you go. Thank you, bro. It was nice seeing you
You added a lot to the show today, right? And I said
It was fun. Love hanging out. Mm-hmm. It should have ended there. Okay, but it did not
You then say see a dermatologist. Yeah, then I go
Then you go
And then what was the
Because I want you to live forever. Yeah
Yeah, all right. It wasn't like see I wasn't like commanding you. All right. So I wasn't that that could have been to me
That's the limit. So I'm like, okay. That could have been right. So I go like a normal human being
Okay, yeah, right so far. This is a accurate. It should end there
It should have ended there, right? But if it Gilbert it did not there was more. Yeah
So A.B. told me he didn't want to scare you, but he thinks it looks cancerous
Okay, then I go. Are you fucking serious question mark? No, I'm
Scared
Right, but it didn't end there, right? You sent me this
I sent you a screenshot of a screenshot of what A.B. said to me. He said to me. He said
By the way, Ethan, I didn't want to scare Bobby, but that 100% looks cancer. Okay. Good. That's what he told me
So we get the facts out but but so so I'm like, yo, I really want to make sure he's now now
I'm literally from that moment on until I went to the doctor
It's what was in my thoughts. But you know what? Let me kind of just the good news is you're gonna live
So let me just say why I'm angry
Okay
From that moment on until the doctors appointment and listen people are probably listening going
Siding with Ethan. That's fine
Like Ethan's a good friend because I'm gonna tell you something
When I went I drove all the way to Beverly Hills where your guy is, right? I don't want to say his name
There are dermatologists in the valley just FYI
Because bob I took because I was watching you talk about it. You're like, I drove three hours to Beverly Hills
Yeah, yeah, and I was like first of all, it doesn't take three hours. It was a traffic a day of Friday. It was a Friday
I know it didn't take traffic a day not three hours. All right, so I go
But then I go well, he goes there's bobby. There's a there's a you live in a very affluent part of town
You don't have to go to Beverly Hills for some posh
Dermatologists to look at your mom. Well, she's partly the brother lame for that
Don't throw me under the bus. That's her recommendation. That's her dermatologist and I trust her don't run with this
That's okay. All right. That's all I'm saying
Okay, but don't play me for the far drive because you chose to drive to fucking Kansas
That's a that's a point to him. So yeah, that's a good point. Okay on my fault. You took a damn road trip
That's not the point. But anyway, I go all right. I go there. I park right paid paid valley
And uh went up there waited 30 minutes. I did they don't read they didn't read
They didn't validate you. Yeah, well
So anyway, I go I go and he goes what's the problem?
I go I have cancer on my neck
That's what you yeah. Yeah, I'm dying. I have cancer on my neck. Okay, and he goes. Let me look
And he looks at my neck and he goes. Yeah, there's I don't know. What do you mean? What are you even referring to?
You know
That's an exaggeration. That's an exaggeration. Can I ask you a question at this point? That's not I said you weren't there
I know but like I'm sure he knows what you're referring to because is that mole was very giant fucking crazy
Yes, listen, that's what he said in texas
Like the shape is not sanity. It's pure insanity. What you're saying. It's not I go the mole and he goes. Oh, it's a mole
and I go
cancer
And he goes no, it's the mole
I go, are you sure he goes?
I'm 90. I go he goes. I'm 90.999999
90 90 no, I'm 99.9. Okay. Because you said I'm 99.999999
He did 15 or 16 9. Yeah, but he's saying there's a percent
It's not he goes so he goes thanks for the visit and I go um
No
Remove it
He goes why?
and I go
Bring it to the labs get it checked out. He's like I it's not cancer. Did it's a mole
I go, I don't care. I drove all the way over here. You're doing something
Okay, so he removes it and now it's been itchy as fuck. I lost a friend. You want to see kind of I do actually? Yeah
So that's interesting. Did he he had to do a like a little surgery there? Yeah, he surgery
He took a but he was just like I don't need to do it. It's just gonna grow you might grow back. I go no
No, yeah, sometimes they do they sometimes they do I'm just saying that I want to get a close look at the
No, you're not even getting close just turn your turn. Yeah
So, yeah, you got some redness there. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm just gonna say right
It was just a I don't know why a friend would make another friend do such inconvenience activities
It was inconvenient
It was a lot of headspace wouldn't have been inconvenient if he was right, dude
If you I saved your life, how fucking epic would that be? But that's what you want to be the hero? Yes
Yes, and this whole thing is about you being a hero. Yes, but you're not you're a coward like I am wasn't
Yeah, yeah, you're a coward like I am your treacher, but I couldn't do it wasn't cancer. Oh, I admit that and disapologize
I genuinely thought you should get it checked out. Okay, but but so you did a buy so you did a biopsy
Gilbert who's in the wrong? Obviously, Ethan
Right, but honestly look at me right now. Gilbert. Are you doing that? Are you do you think no?
No, Gilbert. No Gilbert. Look at this. No, you're looking at him like in a comedy way, dude
And all I'm saying and I want you to be real all right. I'm sorry. So sweetie. Maybe I'm being a child about this
Right, but let me know. I just want to hear my friend here's my real point
Right and just be real about it
And maybe you could sway me on his side and then we could just move on and talk about
Other things think about any other friends in the industry
Okay, he had to go on a limb and say this is gonna be so embarrassing if I'm wrong, but I'm worried about Bobby
Yeah, that could be so but then bravery, but so
Yes, point to that bravery Bobby
But the idea I will say saying all the extra stuff like hey my friend's doctor
He's he's went to med school. I think he's a hundred percent cancer. I want to
I want to interject and say
You um employed the only strategy that could have worked
That was why I did it
Because I knew and you said it yourself when I watched you talking about earlier. You said it's unbelievable
No, listen what I'm saying Bobby. It's unbelievable what you just did, babe. No, I was gonna make that point
He knows you he knows you is what you don't know him. He's a fucking mental trickster, man
You know what Bobby you guys are dating anymore, and she doesn't owe you anything and now she can finally speak the truth to you
There's something to listen. All right
All right, George. What do you think turn his mic off wait? I got him
I'm gonna make a point and you will you could talk all you want, but I just know but it's something to do with what
Kalilah said. Okay, go ahead
I knew and you said it yourself when you left
You said I forgot about it, and I didn't care about it anymore. You said that
And I knew that that would be the case and I says that's not enough
He this is important
And that's why I did what I did. Okay made George suck
Did you feel good getting out go ahead? What do you think George?
Well before the podcast started you cut it cut Ethan off what I thought he was going to give me a compliment
So I really want to know what that if that was going to be a compliment before I answer
But I think I side with you Bobby. I think I'll never get this compliment that I feel I missed out on now
Sorry, turn his mic off, but I was just saying I don't know
That the mold is looking good dude. You look healthy and good. All right. You know what dude?
You're no no keep it keep his mic off. All right. You're done. You had your chance, right?
I want to say this right. How's the mold it working for you?
Great. I love it. Uh fans hate it, but I don't care. Oh the fans hate it really
It's fashionable now notice that it's pretty hot
I want to move on from this. Oh
I want to move on from this. Okay, so thank you. All right. See the back
See what he's doing. Oh dang. I've been around you're right. It's it's it's wow. You look a Jedi with this. Yeah
That's yeah, Ethan Klein episode 359. Ethan doesn't believe the breakup
And I can tell you guys you what's going on here because you guys are traveling together. You're still living
You're doing a show. I mean this is not this is we're we're just you're working on it
But not lovers. I think that we're like deeply we're mindfully and lovingly breaking up
Breaking up doesn't have to be this thing like fuck that bitch or all this stuff. There's no chance of a reunion
We I don't know. I don't I mean, it's not my
It's not on my plan right now, but no like if it's if it's
You know in the books for us down the future then then great, but if not like
One way or the other is it not difficult to spend so much time together? No
You guys don't have any resentment between the two of you. I don't know
Wow, and you guys are comfortable like doing these long drives together like as platonic friend apparently we are we did it
Well, that's very interesting. Well, is it?
I don't know. We spend whole days together. We spend whole days together. And is there any physical intimacy still no
That's a lie. What do you mean? We're not having sex, but we're still like some, you know, would there's no we don't do this holding
We do he can we show him the friendship? Yeah, I do. I don't hold hands in public, but we will do it like this
It doesn't seem like a breakup it is you guys are holding hands in public
But she was on a ketamine fucking with well, is that was that ketamine associated or like she was like I can't walk
She goes, well, that's fine. Can you hold me and I'm like
Fucking this bitch needs to be
After ketamine, you know what I mean? So I did it not true
We accidentally held hands. We forgot that we were holding hands and then we broke it
We broke away when we realized like why are we holding hands?
If it was ketamine related I understand but you made it sound like you guys just go cruise around holding hands
No, we don't
Accidentally sometimes and you and you guys sleep in different rooms now. I'm assuming no same bed. No, same bed. Okay. That's a little odd
It really isn't you guys sleep in the same bed
Yeah, and we watch movies together at night. And do you guys ever like cuddle on it? No, we stay side by side
Ask us
No, but we're what let me watch a movie on his ipad. We're about like we're pretty close
Wow
In the same bed
What's the problem pal? I don't think that's normal after a breakup. Yeah, maybe in your twisted little world
I just think there's still something happening. No, because in I've talked to my therapist
The one that I canceled today for you
Which now I exactly now
And now it's just another thing that we're throwing the resentment bucket weeks ago just two weeks ago, bro
Okay, I didn't these guys did and did I let you the other day? Oh, so you weren't even happy about it
No, because normally
Normally, I would I don't know why you bring this out of me
But normally I would normally I would cancel it, right?
But you keep bringing it up this time. I did it obviously anyway, let's go. Let's go back
It's not like a compliment like you think it is. It's like another thing in the resentment bucket against tricky jew ethan
right
so
to answer your stupid question, right is
We're mindfully doing it within a loving way, you know, eventually she's gonna find her own place. Okay, right?
Preferably somewhere near me so I can see the dogs easier. Mm-hmm, right?
Um, we we're gonna work together, right?
And I like hanging out her family is like my family. So that's never gonna change. Okay
Um, and you know, but you by you prying with your little no tricky mind. Oh, you know what I mean?
And you I don't know anything about it. I know you guys broke up and I was I'm naturally curious
But if you're uncomfortable, I won't push it anymore
And I just want to say this but I'm not you brought up the the other thing that the gotcha thing
Let's just go what like we're gonna go. Let's go to a career
episode 360
Do you get jealous?
No, I get mad at myself like why didn't I do better to get that or whatever
I'm not really jealous like
Ah, I could come up with a different spin on it or whatever. Yeah, but it's it's not of your control. No, no hollywood rivals
To the ranks. It's gosh. I mean
I don't you know, I always see the same people in the auditions or you know, whatever
It's like they get one. I'll get one, you know, everybody gets a job and I'm gonna continue to work till I'm you know
A hundred years old. So there's gonna be more jobs in my future. I'm gonna be like betty white except I'll be betty brown
Yeah, yes, why I should be more like you. Yeah, you should now come on
I aspire to do this. Of course. I go like, oh man, why'd they get that job?
I wish I could have gone to do that. But you know, I did this. Okay, you know, so just
Do your as opposed to just a litany of way woes. I would be like
Do the count your blessings list also at the same time. God damn it, man
I start wars with people. I know attitude of gratitude. Bobby. Come on. I have so many people
They hate me because I start wars and you know, I mean, it does. Yeah, I have so many enemies and it's like
What do you mean? You're so adorable
Thank you. I feel great
Have real life enemies. He just has enemies in his mind. He thinks that but they outwardly come out and then it becomes a thing
Not really, I wouldn't say but you're beloved. That guy blocked me from fucking
Instagram chat and jt episode 361 butthole getting sun
Do and it's really funny that you say that because what you're being is rude and condescending and not even true
These boys. No, I'll show you. So where's the sun?
Up top. Who we pointed to. It's high noon. It's high noon. I know, I know, I know, but we're all just excited to see
Yeah, we're all you don't have to be wherever you want to look. It doesn't have to be sun exact chat and jt
Doesn't matter what time of day sunset or sunrise. What's a more like effective blast of vitamin b
You want that high?
Right there, that's where the sun is. No, no, no, no, it's got to be high noon because they said full blast
How about this? Can the sun be there where that light is?
Okay, it works for me too. Right. So should I demonstrate? I can be the sun for you
All right, you be the sun. All right. So stand for a second and be the sun
right
so
You're the sun right there. Okay. Yeah, just give me rays, right?
So I'm going to be like
Well, I should talk in the mic to stay there. Oh, what a beautiful sunny day. What should I do today?
Go to the park. Nah
hiking
Nah
Wait a second get creative my butthole
All right, so then I'll go
The sun's there and I'll just kind of go like this, right?
Oh, shit. You're actually doing oh
Whoa, did not know that was happening
Yeah, I thought we're doing this
I'm staring dude. You can't pull your dick out of there and not expect me to stay
Dude, I'm getting kind of horny legit. I'm legit getting horny. It's not hitting this. It's not Bobby
You got a nice asshole, bro. You have to go
Wait, how is your asshole so nice?
You know what I mean? Do you have like one of the nicest assholes I've ever seen?
So that's in your fucking face. No three seconds. You'd be able to last in that position
I could last it for one hour right now if you gave me a hundred dollars. Yeah, go ahead
Why a hundred dollars more than that?
You do that for an hour
A downward dog for an hour, Bobby
One-handed
Okay, then spread your cheeks spread your cheek. You can tell you were a high school wrestler. Look at that head stability
Oh, you know what we can put the butt tape it it it's a tape that opens up your asshole
It used to be one of our sponsors. Oh, really? We can get that my point is is that I can do go ahead
Yeah, can I press pause real quick? I just want to
Say this sincerely
Don't make me cry
Honestly, I think I know where the direction you're going right now. I know but let's just
I want I'm going to accept it from you
But let me just let me just get in the moment lock eyes with you and then really just retain
You know what I mean and really be here for that. Yeah, I'll save the
The cheaper compliments for the end, but okay
It meant so much to me for you to just pull your dick out and your asshole out because we were nervous
And now I feel so much more at ease and I feel so much more connected to you
After you pulled all that out. So thank you
For flash and cock and b-hole because it really did make me feel
Just safe. So thank you. Okay, and you do have a beautiful butthole. Like your butthole is really nice, man
It's not a lot of hair. There's none miracle. It's incredible. Any poo residue. No, it had like a nice
Coloration to it. It was really lovely dude. Do you bidet?
I do bidet. I bidet today
But now I wear now I wear this movies this podcast is like the movie flight where like the most incredible scene in it
Happens right at the beginning
Downhill yeah after that you're like, well, how they're gonna do the plane crash. Yeah. Yeah. We already got the plane crash
Yeah, but sometimes, you know, we'll have to close strong. Right. We'll have to yeah, we'll have to know what that means
Yeah, no, hey, no, we'll have to do you know what we'll have to do a shaman on twist
Oh, right. Right and we'll figure that out at the end, you know, it'll pop
Sometimes it feels like when you're watching a shaman movie, you don't even know that he knows what's going on until the end
Right, right, and I feel like he shoots it and he's like
He wakes up. This is how I'm gonna end it today. Yeah, he doesn't know he doesn't even know at the end
It might have been my behold the whole time
Oh
Shit, that's a great switch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Um
It's a really good one. Um, I bet I bet our buttholes
I don't like to talk about this stuff because you know, I'm becoming more religious and more christian
I'm getting more prudish too. Yeah. Yeah as I get older. So, you know, I mean it makes me feel uncomfortable talking about
So I like this but since we're here, uh, I feel like, you know, you and I JT
You know, if we compared buttholes, you mean and we showed it to just random people, you know, people coming from a different country
Imagine there's a little room at LAX the international, right?
And they bring us them into this room foreigners and they compared to our buttholes
They would go. Yes. They're from the same
family
Right. I hope so, right? But if they showed yours and mine, they're definitely different
family
Do you think or no?
I think so. I mean we've
We kind of yeah, I guess so
Hard to tell. What do you mean? I wish my butthole looked like you're yeah, how do you why do you think yours would compare to his more than
Yeah, because I'm harry. I know, but you have more of an olive-y vibe to you
Oh, I've always said you would like a more of a billy jewel and you're more like, you know, um
The guy from the eagles. Oh don henley. Yeah
Don henley be whole you're more like billy joe be whole
Oh, you have sort of uh, yeah, yeah
Don't you think yeah, you know, I think I've just I've always been disappointed in mine if I'm completely candid
Why what about it? I don't know. I think
um
I think it just I think I don't have I think it just doesn't really shine
I feel the same way about mine. Really? Yeah. I think mine is so
So heart-breakingly mediocre, right? Yeah, it doesn't have it doesn't stand out like his it's got a very like
There's some sparse hair growth that I often wax out right, but can I say something? Yeah
It doesn't shine
But yeah, your vag is fantastic
So it's like when you you write so when you compare
When you compare the two you're mean and what's the most important that's nice, right?
What's the most important, you know and with yours? I've never seen it. I'm just making working with assumptions
Okay, that if you bent over I would like oh, that's don henley's butthole pass
But when I saw right yeah pass on that right I would pass on that right, but if I saw your sacks, right?
I'd like that's
You know what I mean?
Tom Hardy's sack
Are you for real right now?
Yeah
I'll even take it. I'll take it a little a step further further. I'll look at the butthole don henley pass, right?
Dude sacks
Paul Walker
Whoa, he hit you at the heart
He does heart
Paul Walker did damn sacks so
And that that comes from my heart and that's belief and truism
Okay, so how do you feel?
Bobby, I just want to say
I owe you a 10 second car
What's a 10 second car? What's that? That's a car that goes a quarter mile in under 10 seconds
That was like what paul owed to
Wait, have you never seen fast enough? I've never seen any of those movies. I've never seen any of those movies
That's totally true in the moment
I threw me off
But you don't want to that's a lesson to be learned from me, right? Yeah. Yeah, but can I say this even without watching those movies?
I I understand his greatness and that's the power of paul walker. Yeah. Right. So excuse me. He's inspiration
What I said, yeah, I did three letters. I know because I got nervous
Yes, excuse me
Yeah, may have that over again. Yeah may have that moment over reclaim your time reclaim your time. Yeah, excuse me
inspirational
Wow, thank you. I mean paul walker
I forgot. I forgot what even we were talking about. He's inspirational in that way. Yeah. Yeah chatting jt episode
361 breakup reaction. Yeah, it made me sad
Uh, because I like both of you guys a lot and I like you guys together, but I know you guys will
Both be solid, but I kind of think you guys are gonna get back together. I guess is what I oh
You think that's what the show is gonna happen
Is this show if this was a movie you think that's how the movie's gonna go. What's the third act? Yeah, yeah
Yeah, I don't know someone asked me they were like
I told someone I was doing this today and they were like, oh, did they break up and I was like, yeah
And then I was like I kind of thought about I was like, I think they're gonna get back together. Yeah. Okay. How do you feel?
I was really sad too. You were listening to the episode. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah
But I I really love the fact that you guys are still doing the podcast together and you still you still have a deep love for each other
Yeah, you have nice rapport. Yeah, so I
I'm glad that there's still a connection. Yeah
good
Why didn't you even ask that question it's so awkward it's not awkward to me
I like these boys and I was like every guest that we've had
He's been like, do you guys he asked them? How do you feel about us breaking up?
Well, I guess it is kind of like the elephant in the room and your forte is kind of, you know
Saying what's up to it? Exactly
I respect it. Hey, I exactly wear less armor. You move faster
Yeah, no more armor, but I just want to see how you guys felt about it
I don't want I didn't want it's like, you know, here's what it is. It's like when you have kids
Right and you tell your kids that mommy and dad are having a divorce and how are you feeling about it?
You know, I feel like you need to know we know how people feel about it, right?
And to make sure everything's okay. I think that's what I'm doing
I feel like, you know, the people that come to our podcast are friends and people that I
You know, I mean respect and I love in a weird way, you know
I mean, I'm not in love with you guys, but there is a if like if you had died, you know, I mean like anhash
Rest in peace, right? Um, it would devastate me. So, you know, I'm just asking
That I'm telling you mommy and daddy are okay. Mommy and daddy mommy and daddy are okay, right?
And we're still gonna be here for you guys. Okay, we're gonna live next door. Yeah, we're gonna live next door, right?
Are you really?
I want to I want her close so that I can see the animals we can yeah, I mean also
It's like, you know, we we're gonna continue to do this podcast
Um, but um, I kind of want her a little far too. You know what I mean far enough that not within like
I just so he can like not across the street so that he can still like, you know
Have his privacy
Because he'll need it
Why?
Because you're a dog
You know, I do you feel an increased sensitivity from you like, uh, there's something in you that's different than the last time
We're medication
Is that what it is? That's what it is. Yeah, it's nice though. It's really sweet. He's present, right? Yeah
Like when I look into your eyes, you always do good eye contact and I always feel you but I can really
sense like that your
feelings are integrated near the surface
yeah, I um
Before I don't even remember the last time I even did yours or I had to ask them
Did they even do ours?
Is this the first time and then she had to send me the clip. That's how out of it. I was
You're like, I don't even know like like I didn't know that harland had done it until he did it. You know what I mean?
so
Now that I'm on medication, I'm like more
present and I could just
Were you worried about getting on it? Getting on I want medication
as a comic yeah, because there's
For years people have been telling me like I've had psychiatrists tell me for years even in my early 20s
I saw somebody said I think we you need to be on medication. I'm like no because I'm a comic and
It's gonna affect the comedy, right?
um
Even if it did I would still be on it because it's like I'd rather be happy and then also, um, it's made it better
right
Yeah, it's uh when I'm on stage like
Edmonton usually
I would have been
Petrified daylight
At all the performers before me. We're kind of eating it
People are like eating hot dogs walking around and I would have been pacing like what the fuck and you mean how come that?
I can't hear the monitor. You know, I mean, but this time was just like me back there just going
See how this goes. Hmm. And on stage. I was like, it's fine
You know what I mean? Yeah, it's nice. Yeah
It's just
Established how small and cute your tongue is the last time. Is that what we thought we talked about is done when I
My top lip
But could I say something don't do that
For the last hour, I've been wanting to say something and I've been mindful
Saying don't do this to him, dude. Harlan Williams episode 362 cinnamon angels fly fly away
Can I uh drop a little thing about my charity? I ever
Followed as a charity. Yeah, go ahead. Um, this is
It's tough to talk about but it's uh, it's uh, it's about a allergy
It's called cinnamon angels fly fly away and it's for children that have cinnamon allergies and uh, it's all the money goes to
Okay, well
I it's I don't know if that's a real thing and it made me look it made me laugh because I'm so sorry
It made me laugh. Is that a real thing? I like yeah, you can google. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry
Can we just cut that off? Dude, there's probably a child right now with swollen ankle. All right. All right. All right
Can we just start over and say it again? And I'm so sorry. That's the fucking my bad. I'm so sorry
No worries. No, thank you. Thank you. So cinnamon angels fly fly away and it's for children with cinnamon allergies and
We take the money and if you want to just send it to I have a
PO box and if you can just uh, send check certified checks to uh, my PO box will give the address later and uh
The money all goes to these kids. They get cinnamon and they they're ankles
What the fuck for all these children are suffering ankles their ankles pop out
Is that a real is that a real is it a real? Are you allergic to anything? No
Okay, then you shouldn't laugh. There's so many other just can I just ask a couple of course?
There's just so many other charities that seem like that should be on the forefront like cancer
And other things, you know me. Yeah, but that's what
I'm sorry, dude. Oh, fuck. I know my bad. My bad did my bad
So just say the PO box thing again. So it's cinnamon angels fly fly away PO
It's a ridiculous name cinnamon angels fly fly away
I'll tell you how I'll tell you how to tell me how that yet tell me how I fly fly fly away
Tell me how I'm getting a little mad here, but I was at lax at the airport
And they have a cinnabon
That they say the cinnabon thing and his mother was walking along with her child
And you know how you can smell those
Cinnabons in the airport and this kid collapsed on the ground right in front of
the cinnabon and was convulsing and fucking having a seizure
And uh, I was like, I'll be god damned if I ever have that happen on my watch. So I started uh, cinnamon angel
Cinnamon angels fly fly away
You know
No, I don't know so maybe change the name
Really like my way doesn't make any sense because it was an airport. Yeah. Oh, that's not why I didn't know and when they die
They fly fly away on a cloud of cinnamon
Okay
So check that out
Stay tuned to that
How do you how do you say stay tuned or what do you say check it out? Check it out. No, no, um
Get involved get involved get involved cinnamon cinnamon two cinnabons one
One cinnamon one cinnamon girls
Cinnamon angels fly fly away. All right, so go check that out. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Any other charities are good
Rick Glassman episode 365
Are you two in a relationship? Oh, no, but by far no mean
Rick Glassman episode 365 Bobby confronts rick
So we were in the main room in the lobby out in the front
Do you remember and you you came up to me you go
Hey, I just want to I feel uncomfortable about this and I go don't watch you can say anything to me
You remember? Yeah, and you go. Yeah, I do one of your shows and you owe me four hundred dollars
And I go
Oh, fuck my bad because I usually you know, of course. I want to be the guy then you know that pays, you know
We know and I was so so I go. What's your Venmo? Doesn't that I pull out your Venmo
What you're telling the story wrong like you're telling the story the way my mom does and I'm thinking like tell it
But now it's just it's getting off. It's okay. You're gonna enrage me. Uh-oh
You remember you remember for sure pulling up my Venmo that you were about to send it to me
Okay
No, but when somebody's telling a story, right, you know, you just you agree. Okay. I'm just sensitive to your lies, but go ahead
all right
Because they've gotten me into like in trouble. I get I get it
So basically you said that look can I start over the story then? Yeah, can I take it from you raise me up?
Yeah, go ahead. No
Wait that back that far back. No, I'm just joking
God, I love you and hate you
But my point is uh, you told me that I owed and I felt bad about it and then was I gonna give you cash?
I don't forget how it worked. Oh
Well, can you finish it? Uh, yeah
I don't know if I would call it a prank is so much a joke that lasted 15 seconds
I said hey, bobby. Good to see you. We dabbed what's good
Yeah, and then I said, um
I said, uh, you still owe me, uh, $400 from the last I did the bobby and frencho and you went
Oh, like what exactly what you said because body wants to be known as a person who pays
We know thank you. And I go, um
And you go, uh, what's your Venmo? I go, I don't have I don't have Venmo and then something happened
You were pulled away to take some pictures with somebody because they loved you
And then you came back and you like and then you go, um, oh, yeah, and you were like reaching like wanting to pay me
I go. I was just joking. You don't want me any money. Yeah, that was it. But can I say something when you?
Yeah, that's God
On an airplane. Yeah. No, that's God's dick. He just his dick across LH
Whoa, whoa, dude, you're getting confident. I love it. I love this version. It feels different over glass and very cocky
Did you just call him upperclassmen? Yeah, you're upperclassmen. That's that's when I take a pee upstairs
You because you know, you got some awards and some acknowledgments from your show
You have another show that you're doing a pilot for another show
Oh god this guy
Right and I feel like you there's a confidence about you that I don't like your energy's fucked up ender back
We're starting over. Sure. Actually, I yeah start over bring it coming out. We want the old rick
I want the old we want the old rick. I would like to acknowledge one thing and they're gonna start over
Yeah, I'm not that surprised that somebody feeling positive and confident makes you uncomfortable. Let's start on over. Oh, oh, wow
Yeah, yeah
But can we do the same exact things that we said like I like what was said the script was good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right
I hope he doesn't come show back up
Ari Shafir episode 374 bobby red zones. I just heard screaming for an whole hour from
Downstairs or he was upstairs. What you're frosty. Who's your agent? No, it's like people people people. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah
Yeah, my bad. My bad. Yeah, and I was screaming screaming saying I don't want to hear that
No, they were screaming at you. No, I was screaming at them. What were you saying? I just um
Um, I asked for flaming hot chinos in my bedroom
I'm like, I got a bobby guy. No, no, no, no. I didn't do that. I didn't want to have a pet you
I said flamie. I'm out of fucking dipskin. That's not who I am. That's not who I am. I don't complain about shit like that
No, you know me. You would grill cheese sandwich. No, you ask any of the club people
Yeah, I don't ask for anything. Trust me. I don't have a writer for who's a diva and your name never comes up. Are you being real?
Bring real because that's true. It is true. I'm not a diva. Yeah, okay. Ari Shafir episode 374
Ari thinks bobby is dumb. You know what when you talked up, you know, it's so funny
When you just said that right now
It just reminded me
Of when we didn't like each other and that's you that was always your angle with me stupid
Yeah, I would be so I would walk down the hallway at the comedy storm. We didn't like each other
And this is a decade, right? And he would go a look at the stupid asian. He's so stupid
He's fucking retarded like he would just and I would just walk just be past walked by him
Every time I would say him like I don't even know how he fucking exists this fucking dumb dumb
And you would keep that was your thing. That was my thing. Yeah, why I thought it might bother you. It did bother
It does bother me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there is there some truth to that? Well, yeah, be honest with me. No, I know it might
I know you're stupid. So I thought
I don't know
Yeah, you know
If you said about marin he'd be like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I don't get it. So let me let me ask you something
Let me ask you something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you think I'm the dumbest asian you've ever met who ever met
Yeah, I've been through southeast asia. I'm bobby. Yeah. I've met a lot of villagers and I would say yes
You all right. So you think that all right. Well, maybe I am dumb. I mean, no, but you're
Words you try to I love this. I love it. I love it. I love it
No, you're great. No, no, no, no, don't do that. Okay, but because I can handle myself
You're not I mean, yeah, you're not I don't I don't know literally I was doing to make funny
But now that I think about it. Yeah, I don't know how you live
How do you survive? Yeah, you went through that seven-year period and it's like
How did you even get I remember we were like, Bob, you gotta start podcast like
But but that's not stupidity. That's lazy. That's lazy. That's another thing
That's two things Bobby got a ticket on his car and then he was like, oh shit
And then he got another ticket on his car a brand new car
That medsia bought for him brand new car and then he was like, uh, and then they like towed it
Yeah, like six tickets and they go, hey, you gotta pay the six tickets off. He goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I definitely gotta
Fuck definitely gotta do that before over there's no other way to get around. Yeah
I'm eventually like, hey, it's impounded. So like we're accruing more and more debt on this
Yeah, and for the fucking $200 with the tickets his car was totaled. Yeah, just it started
It's eventually no 10 grand on it and he was like keep the car
I guess one time he didn't want to return a rental car and I think he must have racked up like 19 000
You just didn't want to return it but it's always worked out for a year. Yeah, but that's not stupidity. No, it's laziness
That's laziness. Those are bad examples and being aloof. Yeah, a smart person
I think being aloof is maybe more my thing. You know, yeah, ladies for sure. No, but yeah, I mean, you're not stupid
You're not stupid. It like
I can have a conversation with you
That level cut off george. You're having way too long
Yeah, right. I mean, I understand what you're saying. It's also in terms of comedy
No, in terms of comedy, I can latch on to certain things that you get it, right? I get it, right? Yeah
So, how is that stupidity? I think it's just lack of education is what I was right. Yeah, right
But I still know things that your chang is
Educated I understand that but I'm privy
I understand that but I'm privy to things that he's not aware of either
Like what like if what I will I'll go first
I know so much about
Star Trek the next generation
No, I know that to you, right? Not not to you, right? That doesn't
Mean much. I think I think what it is is that I had data fucked hard
He did fuck he fucked. Um
But would he have the emotional he fucked kasha yarr in season one
What do you have the emotional wherewithal to when they were all going nuts?
Yeah, there were no, yeah, they were all being sexual. Yeah. Yeah. There was like a sexual thing on the enterprise
And he's like, but it was just like a fucking vibrator
He was just all no, he's fully he's fully he has all the tools. I know but like he can't but then she died that season
So it doesn't matter
But he's still holds he still has a little kasha yarr thing that he sometimes looks at
So I don't think you have traditional classroom like IQ, but you're really bright like artistically. You're brilliant. You could have been somebody
If also, let me just say politically. I'm not that political, but I but I follow like, you know
Certain races and stuff like that's going on in the midterm elections blacks. No, like katie hobs and carry leg
I was interested in that, you know, I mean with the numbers are what districts
So there's just things that I'm curious about, right?
Things I care about that I put my attention on but things that I'm not what are you looking at the toys?
I'm looking a lot of bookshelves and no books
Just true. It's true. I don't read a lot of books. I love that you're here
I love that you're here because I tell you why
But because you really you really might make my throat sore and you make you get me going dude
You really get me going. I love picking out little things. I know
And you fucking get it perfect and they dig it in
Yeah, but you know, you're right. I'm traditionally in terms of education. It's like I don't know anything about biology
Yeah, but that's because you have ADHD you have trouble retaining and sitting, you know down and being patient
But that's not your fault. Yeah, I'm now on medication and it's changed. Yeah, you don't know much about history don't know much biology
Yeah, yeah, or science. You know what I mean? That's science. Yeah. Yeah, but things that I'm interested in
I'm interested in and I learned those things. I do know that I love you
Fuck you dude. I don't love you dude. All right. Kobe forever did
Kobe forever did well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, um
Yeah
I was just like I knew I could get at you
Right, I said it, but it's funny. You know, you out of anyone I've ever met in showbiz in comedy, right?
You're the I don't know what it is
You I think rogan does it to a little bit. What get get at you. He can get at me
Yeah, there's a third person too. Who you took care of him. Nice. Who?
Frederick
Freddy Soto. Yeah, I got it. Yeah him and I he got me. He got me good. Yeah, he got he did you wanted his support so much?
And he would just fucking needle at you. Oh, what a thing. Listen, you know what that's called?
You know what that's called? I like beauty doing this new fucking phase of woke
Wokeness. Yeah, it's called bullying bud. It's calling bullying. Yeah. Yeah, you guys bullied me
But luckily I got the punch up
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but you know, we we've passed. Yeah, it's just like it's so funny when we're doing yoga up here
It was like, you know, those times are so fucking shitty
But it as a memory with no other hate behind it. It is funny
That was a strange memory for me because I didn't even know you were coming and then
I look out the window and I'm like, is that hurry doing yoga?
You didn't tell me anything about it. I was like, wait, that is sorry and you guys are just doing yoga
Yeah, and I remember doing it going
And I think it was the first thing you and I've done that was like creative outside of stand-up
You know what I mean? Almost or podcast. Yeah, and we were kind of like
Giggling almost as kids. It was funny. You and I have always had that even when we first met when you were young, you know
I mean, and um
But then we've had, you know times of so I guess in in in in many ways
If I was to write a book about my life, you would be in many times. I'd be in it. You'd be in many times
Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, interesting. Would I be in your book? Yeah, you're a giant influence on my career
We've not done it without you. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be quit it already. Yeah
And I think that you're bright
obviously
I hate the second language. I hate the fuck that I'm done, but let's move past it. Okay, right, right my specials on youtube right now
Go click on it. Logan Paul episode 376
Bobby confronts george. Yeah. Yeah, what's this? Just showing the audience. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just see you want to skip to the end
He is. Oh, you did. Yeah. Yeah. I know george has been under a tremendous amount of abuse. No, no, no, no, stop george
I want you over here with me george. I want you over here and chase him down
You find him george. No, go get him. Go get him. He I try I said
Wait, can we keep playing it just for one second? Yeah, yeah
I'm gonna have to deal with the fallout of this episode because I hate my fucking months
I swear to god, bobby Lee. You fucking pissed off my co-host. He's probably crying in the drive. Oh, Mike was yeah
You know the Beatles could have lost Ringo
That's good. That's good. Oh
That's a funny joke. It was hilarious
It was so fucking funny. Yeah, you're so funny. If you walked out if you had walked out, right
It would have been like, oh, it's over
Right if you had walked out, right, but him walking out was just kind of like let's keep going
We didn't stop did we we did another 20 minutes, right? He actually went home
That was that was the the thing that was kind of actually a big deal. I thought it was a bit
No, it wasn't a bit ubered out. We chased him after that like seconds later. We left he never came back. Never let me tell you something
Yeah, he apologized on the episode of impulsor that's coming out tomorrow. He was he was he was
That's interesting. He was he was never really apologized to me though. That's interesting shocks me because I told him to reach out
I said you should reach out to Bobby. Can you give me his number? We FaceTime I can give you I can
Can you give me his number? You want to settle this right now? Yeah, I'm gonna call him right now
No, I'll I'll FaceTime him. Okay, and then hand it over. What are you guys what are you expecting apology?
No, we'll figure it out. How about it's just like a like a double knockout just like both apologized at the same time
And I didn't do anything wrong. I didn't do anything wrong. He was just making I'm not apologizing for something
I didn't do his job. Yeah, yeah
But I'll make it right. There we go. Okay, I'll make it right like that. Yeah. Yeah
Let me talk to him bro, just someone wants to talk to you, bro
Ah, he knew from the mic hi George
Hi
Hi, um
I want to let's talk for a second. Are you driving? Okay?
No, I'm not driving. Okay
um
I want to apologize
for my behavior
on your podcast
I feel like I was a little
Bobby Lee you shut your mouth. I'm apologizing to you. I left you you were our guest
And I left you Bobby. This is good. I will forever regret that for the rest of my fucking life
There's not a day. Well, I will lay my head on that pillow and not know that I disappointed a prince
That does stand up like you. Do you have any idea how ashamed of myself? I am. Wow. Wow. Oh my god
of you
Well, I'm gonna. Sorry. Thank you. Please. Thank you for saying that to me
But I want to pull back my apology then
Because
I too because I literally did not feel sorry
I pulled out of the apology. I don't feel sorry, but I will accept yours, right?
Um, and hopefully you know when I come back to your podcast we can make it right
Absolutely, but can I can I ask you a question though? Why did you do that?
Because Logan was gaslighting me. He's an asshole
Oh, exactly
Exactly. I told you it was my fault. I told you it was my fault. It was your fault. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, good
I feel like the war is done
Is the war over absolutely right there's no war over guys. Wow. It was never a war
Yeah, yeah, if you would have came and punched me in the face, I would have said thank you
Yeah, and I gave you compliments. I called you a fat oscar isaac. That was good
Oh my god, oh my god, my life right like if they do a fat dune you could be in that
All right, that's right. That's what I said. I said, yeah oscar ate all the sand and dune and then all of a sudden you're in it
Yeah, yeah, that's what I said
I'm the fat isaac oscar. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But um, and let's have a relationship where we can rip on each other
I would I would love that. All right, so you can see whatever you want to me and I'm gonna be good. Okay
Absolutely. All right. I love you again. I know we're doing a bit but I from my heart
I do apologize and and from my heart. I don't apologize to you, but I accept yours
Okay, thank you very much. I love you buddy. Wow
That was great. We did it. We did it. We did it. You know what dude? It was your fault
It was you fucked up
Yeah, yeah, you got to be a better leader
What do you mean? What do you mean? What do you mean? It's just like uh
What what what I don't I don't know if I do
Oh, really? Yeah, I changed my mind. Yeah, you changed your mind. I saw some comments
Uh, I did see some comments. Yeah saying like, you know, Logan, you're the you're the glue of this show
You got to keep it together
Yeah, but some about people walking off podcasts is it's good media, dude. Yeah, that's true. It's good media
Like that's that's what we just dedicated 15 minutes to that to that. Yeah. Yeah, you know, like it's
It's juicy. It's pretty juicy. Yeah, but you know, there was you know
You know, but I'm I'm glad we addressed it because
I just realized just now
That it was weighing on my heart. No. Yeah for weeks
It really did because he did tiger belly right after that and he was like, did I fuck up?
Like what did I do? He felt really bad. Yeah, I felt really bad
Oh, and I've been carrying that with me for weeks
And I just realized right now. I just feel free. Yeah, and I kind of want to see him right now
Almost in a weird way. He's a he's a great guy. Yeah, he seems like a great guy. You know, I mean, he's also very good looking
I don't know why he keeps calling. I'm ripping on him. He's a very good looking guy. You know what I mean?
He's got a good body. He's christian, but he looks the other one
Coran
Corani
Right. It looks the other one. It looks like the other one. You know what I mean? And and he
Right. He's such a good dude. He's got a beautiful girlfriend now. Yeah. Do you think he fucks good? I know he does
That's fair. See that's what a great host. No, I know he does. Oh, how do you know? He uh,
He tells you. No, he well. Yeah. Yeah, he's one of those guys that will tell you exactly where it gets around pretty fast
About who fucks good. Oh, really? Yeah, it's but not from not from not from a women's perspective
It's no no girl has told me that actually maybe I should be concerned
Oh god, it's only him. It's only him. Bruh, I put it the word class
That's weird. Oh fuck. I should ask the girl who cares what he says female reviews there to really do you last a long time in the
Pesach? It's a good question
I know are you gonna answer? There's there's there's two answers. Yeah. Well the answers. Yeah, the answers. Yeah are
When I'm in love. Yes. Oh, I see. Oh, I love that. That makes sense. Yeah
I found this is so odd and I thought this would work the opposite
When I'm when I care about the person that I'm having sex with yeah, I
Pretty much last however long I want, you know, it's like I'm here to please where it's like new very mutual
Right, but yeah, but you know my fuckboy phase like I didn't give a fuck. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Sometimes it's just you just want to nut and get out. I don't know things are high like right. Right. I'm less I'm less concerned
You know, I'm I'm not always selfish. How much time do I have? You know, what are we working with? What's the all right?
Right. Right. Right. Who are you?
Where am I?
Are you love now? Yeah. Yeah. Oh cool, man. I'm deeply in love. I'm deep in love. Oh you are
How long has that been?
We just uh did our six month anniversary. Oh
Which is so which is rubbish. I know it's it's short. It sounds short
Especially you guys like you you come from long-term relationships. I don't dude my life. My life moves at
250 miles an hour
No, much faster. Yeah, you're all over the place. Um, but her and I um before her Neil Brennan episode 377
Bobby and Theo script. Yeah, I'm ready. All right rolling background and action
Interior house Bobby sits on a couch smoking playing video games watching 4k porn trying to pretend. He's not a clinical narcissist
Theo enters sweaty. What's wrong? A lot man. A lot cool
I'm nervous about what the people are gonna find out
Find out what that my whole persona is made up man. I'm not even from the south
I
Wig don't read that. Don't read that
Yeah, my persona is made up too. I'm basically a sociopath who tries to act like I'm vulnerable, but really I'm just incredibly selfish
I'm a narcissist
You know what my favorite part of self-doubt is the self part
This mullet I have it's a fucking wig
I got a bunch of them my bedroom looks like a serial killer's hair salon
Why just have a bunch of those mannequin heads with my beautiful flowing mullet wigs on them
When I say I have to go all the time
And it feels sketchy and desperate
I'm going home to brush my wigs
I blow dry them and talk to them and shit. It's kind of weird
You know what I got into that thing with brendan shop
I was in on it. I basically paid him to yell at kalayla. I didn't pay him a lot. I paid him his haircare products
But yeah, I was in on it. I was mad at kalayla
What for for everything bro? I'm furious at everyone all the time. If I were bigger, I'd be in jail
I
Do a thing where I pretend to be self-depreciating
deprecating my son
Line read I do a thing where I pretend to be self-deprecating then when people do it back to me
I remember and I never forgive them for it
Kalayla said that something on our second date shopped to yell wait, sorry
Kalayla said something on our second date that I didn't like so I paid shopped to yell at her seven years later
Go on I know
You know the Asian stereotype of the shy giggling geisha
That's me
I'm giggling but I'm fuming inside. I'm a furious geisha
You know how I'll be like in my town there was a kid who could fart nickel
It's all made up. I grew up in Manhattan on central park east for real. Yeah when I wasn't at prep school
Is any of your persona true was your dad old my dad isn't old at all. He's alive
He's a finance guy. His name is elrich corner
He's the CEO of credit suites
I've never even been to Missouri or whatever bumfuck place I say I'm from
State's direction, babe. He takes his mullet wig off and throws it. Yeah
I lie about my past too. You know how I say I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome
Some of it's true. I was molested, but I was an adult
And he didn't have Down syndrome necessarily it was printed shop
Printed shop, baby trickle
You are a good writer
You are show show on our show check out get over there. You fuck check out blocks on that piece of shit
Check out blocks. Oh, you piece of shit. Oh, I hate you so much
God, you're never coming back to this podcast. Don't need to. Yeah. Yeah. I don't need to come back. This is it
Don't want to come back. Yeah. Yeah. This is said what I needed to say
Just wanted you on the record really good clinical narcissist twice really good
It was fun when it all came together for an inch. It was nice
Yeah
Theo I had to go easy on we have why because it's because he's so harsh on me
Because it's because you can take I can take thank you
And I know that you're already mad because
I'm not mad. I'm you're a furious geisha. I'm not
I'm not, you know, and it's so funny by reading that
There's certain tropes that I do as a podcast or a persona and you know, it's very glaring to me
And thank you so much for that
Did you guys feel the fucking barely contained? No, I really appreciate it
You know, it was like looking in the mirror. Great. I really enjoyed it. So that's what the best writing is. It's really good
Bobby, um, let's do some um, no, we're not doing that. I think that's a good way to close
I don't disagree. What do you think you want? Maybe do one question do it? Okay preach from abin preach episode 378
Bobby has power. I just want to tell people is and I've never done this before I'm literally
Setting boundaries up front. That's good. You know, I mean like I I could see myself
You know what my so what's my mo back in the day?
What is it with what we're but promising thing, you know, oh
Yeah, she rolled her eyes. I'm not good
I'm I'm so mindful about that
I mean, I'm mindful about it like a guy in like in your position of power especially like
It was so just rampant every like that's how dudes like let me get you something
I'm gonna I'm gonna make you want to do stand up and try open marks. I'll take you on the road
Wait, wait, wait his position of power. That's okay. It's a whole conversation him and I have but he like position of power
Hey, fuck you man. No
Back back up back up
With you, you know with your your hand thing. Fuck you dude. All right. Let me say something right now, dude
All right, so it's a to you. Maybe not Bobby to you. Maybe not you're this half. Oh
chic black guy from
Oh, you know, man with the fringe the croissant Bobby. I mean, Bobby. What are you doing bear with me, right?
And you have your
Abba
You still do stand up
So I'll chose you got it too, but I'm saying in some fuck no in some no shut up
In some look at price nothing dude, this guy's like price is out price is out
Dude, are you working for this company right now?
Get involved. Anyway, my point is this I love this
I love what I'm saying is the guy that did not want confrontation is confident. Yeah. Yeah, you got me going
Well, I'm saying
Don't talk right now. All right, you're back. You're black little again
Black little listen
You gotta be jing jung whatever jing jung jing jung is talking so in certain circles. I do have power
That's it
The reason that I use the term
The reason that I use the term of
The age of power of power
Yeah, is because
He likes he has out
He has talked about not being attracted to a woman who is
Um equally as wealthy
um
I never said that
But I never said that but Bobby Bobby Bobby that is
Is most of us. Yeah, it's it's it's thank you blacklid. I told you I was on your
I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I didn't know I'm on your side. I don't know my side
Most of us is that I get it and it's not so much that we we're not turned on by is that we don't we don't care
It doesn't matter. Yeah in 92 la rides. I would loot with with you
Well, he's in my yeah, I know Bobby's taking that context, you know, I mean, I'm not against I'm with we're gonna do it together
It's my uncle's store
All right, so I'm with you two dogs are thank you. I'm right here. I know I'm here too, bro. Go ahead. I forgot the original
Okay, the thing that happened is that you were talking about position of power and I said, what do you mean by position of power?
Right, and he flipped the script the reason why I said, why do you mean by position of power? The only reason I said that is because
I
Feel like women have a tendency to use and over abuse of that term of position of power
And that's the only reason why I want to specify. Does it mean you ain't got power?
Does it mean you ain't great? You are who you are Bobby Lee?
Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean like but I just want to know what do you mean by position of power?
Yeah, I I think that it's more something that he's defined for himself not necessarily like because even when I got with him
I never felt like he was in a position
of power. See who's not on your side now?
Look at me, Bobby. I'm nationwide. Nationwide
That's me. That's me. I know
What no power nothing not in the beginning. No, okay. No interesting. Wow. Do you want me to leave you? No. No. No. No. That's right. I love it.
My point is this. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, like you, right? You think the girl that you're with now, right? Beautiful white girl from Pekovac
is if you were working at
Papa John's Pizza, you think you'd be able to get her the same girl? Yeah, I was that guy
I've only been a I've only been making money for the past six months to a year
But I've been with my girl 23 years
Oh my god. No, no, don't clap. It's like I like it
Nationwide
Like you know what I mean? I've been right it wrong. I've been the guy from Papa John's. I've been that dude
I love Papa John's by the way. If you work there that's good
Sponsor
She been like making three times what I was doing
But because she was doing three times what I was doing. I had to pull I had to pull my weight some other way
Right, whatever she was doing work and I was doing work or at least she's working until eight
She started at six in the morning working till eight. Yeah, let me just make sure the dinner is ready when she gets on
My business do my thing. Yeah
Not I'm doing my like I'm pulling my weight and stuff like I've always pulled my weight but in different ways
You know what I mean? Well, you're doing well now because you have flash Gordon boots on. I love
He's waiting
My
Solo pod episode 345 George roast Bobby
I think you're the worst producer in podcasting. No, you don't but that would hurt me if you did
No, I really do believe that
What
You want to know why young james better because he has rogan
No, oh, he went to you that the talent wasn't big enough. Oh, that was a pretty deep cut. Oh
Very good. That's what I wanted and you you get a green light on that
You know what neck? That's the next part of the final form. Yeah. Yeah, okay. That was real nice. Yeah. Oh
Whoa, that was quick. That was quick. So what did he say?
He was so he was so fast. The reason the reason that young jamey is a better producer is because he has a better
Podcaster to work with. Yeah, that's true
That's a bigger podcaster. Yeah, but the thing is is that um, oh, here we go. You're doing the eyes
You gave me the green light. This is the not green light. This is the real ant. This is the this is the this is the
Okay, oh my god, George, you got him. Oh
I'll tell you why I'll tell you why you got him you got him because that is his final resort
He resorts to the this is a this is a
Yo make a t-shirt make a t-shirt
That's exactly what he does. He does the stutter thing when he has nothing. He has when he has no comeback. So I do a
I do have a comeback, right
I'm just saying
I'm just saying if
If George was, you know, me rogans, you know, I forget it. You're right. This is a this is a
This is a this is a this is a this is you're right. All right. You got me. I'm gonna let that I'm gonna you're paying for the dinner tonight
With the fucking credit card not the company card my personal card this time
Yeah, all right
Wow, you're right worth it. That was worth it kind of like my heart hurts for you. Why?
Because as soon as you went for the this is uh, I was like, oh, no, he has nothing
Her body language. I saw her shoulders go. I know it's disappointing. That was very disappointing. Yeah
Now I'm gonna feel bad for a week. This is like why?
Why? Why because it's like, uh, I know I'm doing the best I can
I like that that's the little audience
But the audience that I do have
Is I'd rather have my audience than rogans audience. Can I say something really quick?
I like that see I think that's another skill you have is to reverse rows and make people feel empathy for you right away
No matter what the situation. Yeah, because then you can just go to the truth
Then you yeah, and the truth is right that no, no, there's nothing wrong with rogan fans
I mean, I've I've I've friends with them. I've met them, you know
But I love the people that really love me. Yeah, george
You know and there's no and the people that really love you. I love you guys too
He's doing that thing he does this
She does everything you do like it's over. It's over. Yeah. We have about 10 minutes left in this podcast
I'll I'll be honest with you. I told you you had a green light, right? I'm just saying that you did did
unreparable damage
You forced him though. I know I did force you and that's my bad, but you fucked up
Okay, I don't give a fuck
Anyway episode 355
breakup announcement
Oh god, this is hard
All right, I just want to announce everybody that kalilah and I are no longer together
Um, it's been oh not over. It's not over. I mean in the sense that you know
We
I want to say that kalilah is
the love of my life
my best friend
Um, if there was a book about my life, she would be
If there was 10 chapters, she'd be four of them at least five of them. Give me half
I'll give you half of the chapter. Yeah, we're happy book. Um
She changed my life in so many different ways
she
Reinvented who I was
and um
Yeah, um, and the reason why we're announcing that is because um, there are things that people
believe online
that aren't true
and I want to address those things because um,
It's causing a lot of pain in our house. Um
And I'm gonna start with
My part in it
And my part is this
You know years ago kalilah, um
Had this heart condition
And it started in the philippines
And she we were in the philippines and I had to carry her into a taxi and we thought she was gonna die
and um
You know after that, you know at home
We just would have the ambulance at our house two or three times a week. We'd always constantly go to the hospital at five in the morning
um, and
At that point in my relationship with her. I changed a bit and it became
um
I was just worried about her keeping her alive
And I think that it shifted the relationship, you know me
um
You know, so a lot of the sexual stuff
That I felt before that had diminished
and it became more of a
Caretaker not caretaker. I just like the terrible word to use but like I was
Extremely worried about her and when you're in that kind of situation, you know
Um, a lot of that energy and it changes the relationship at least, you know
and then um, I began to um
fantasize about
other women I would watch porn every single night
and you know
And this is over years of this and she
I just distinctly remember there were moments where we would sit down and she would be crying going what happened with us
Um, there's no intimacy. Um, I feel like you don't know me anymore. I want you to get to know me again
And a lot of times I would do false promises like trust me. I'm just going through a phase or I'm working on it or whatever
and I would um
you know, basically
shrug it off and
Tell her that I was we're going to deal with it in the future or whatever it might be
But this is years of this. I mean in fact, there were times where she would
plan vacations so that she could rekindle some of the magic that we had lost, you know, um
One time we were in
Hawaii to do that. It was the first time I went to Hawaii
that wasn't a work related thing and um
I think we we tried, you know, um
And it it looked optimistic maybe sometimes but um
I don't know, you know, I I I have to say that, you know, a lot of it was my fault, you know, um
And you know, I was in therapy talking about it. We did couples therapy and stuff
and um
So eventually got to the point where obviously people have needs, you know, and she had needs and we didn't know what to do because
Of many things number one, like I said, you know, we
Literally are best friends. We spend 24 hours a day together
We created Tiger Belly together. We have other things that we want to do
We have seven animals. We live together. Her niece lives with us
We're a family and there's a, you know, a warmth in the house and um
It feels like a family, like I said, but um
But it got to the point where, you know, it's like what else if I'm not going to change
And I'm not, you know, and I trust me. I tried. Um
So it got to the point where I was like, you know, we threw out suggestions and things that, um
Would, you know
I was mindful about how
Kalilah can
maybe, you know, um
Get her needs fulfilled, right? And I threw out suggestions. Maybe you should see somebody else, you know, I mean
And you know, I said it a couple of times. Um, I also want to address something that happened with, um
My brother
And this is a very sensitive thing for me, um
You know
anyone listening to
Tiger Belly and are familiar with our podcast knows
The things that have been going on, you know, I mean, it's been a nightmare, you know, um
So essentially my brother said some things to a random person. Um that we're not true. Um
He has
to me personally
Apologized, you know, I mean for me, you know, I mean, um
Um, and I think he knows
His mistake, but I don't know fully, you know, I mean how he feels but, um
Essentially, you know, he said things like, you know, Kalilah was a gold digger. Um
I have to say that
To people listening, um that, you know, when I met Kalilah, I had no money
You know, I was making
I could tell you what I was making on the road
I had no other prospects of cash. The only amount of money I was making is through doing
a b room sometimes
and getting not a door deal but getting like, you know
um
A guarantee, you know
So it's that's all it's not I mean compared to to all my peers and stuff really and when I met her
You know, she kind of reinvented my thing. I made my money
with her
She has her own money, right
The all the things that I have
In my life, right is a direct result of meeting her and her her and I building a business together
um
Other things have
Grown out of that like, you know, my it rekindled my acting career
Um, you know, I've I've done well when it comes to
The selling things and whatnot. It's been very good. But um, you know without her
I don't know where I'd be, you know, um
So him saying that she's a gold digger is not true. She's not she's never asked for anything. Um
And she he um said um things like he's
She's keeping
you know, I mean
me from other people or right or something like that or you know
and um
You know during the pandemic
We didn't see anybody, you know, you know, I'm tired of people thinking that I don't make my own decisions
You know everything that I do. I make my own decisions. I'm bobby lee. I do what I want, right
And during the pandemic I was super fucking scared. I didn't know anything about this virus
I didn't leave the house for a year and a half. I didn't even go to the grocery store for a year and a half, right
And and and I didn't see my brother
You know, I mean, I didn't see my mom, right? I didn't see anybody, right? Um
And you know, I think that my brother thought that that was you know, I mean me disappearing
Or you know, I mean or you know, I mean something was going on. You know, I mean that was like, you know, um
I don't know. I don't know what he was thinking but um
and um
Yeah, with all that stuff that he said, I don't I don't know if you got even if people even listening knows but
You know, he had texted some random person his gripes that were absolutely unfounded and not true
and people have taken that and ran with it online and it's really hurtful to call I let's hurtful to me. Um
And I just wanted to address it. So, you know
just
And uh, you know, another thing that I want to add is
You know, I
was blatantly
Flirting with other people and there was things that she caught me in that were like, you know, I mean kind of, um
You know
It took her a buck that I did some lying, you know, I mean
And there were things that you know, none of this was like an anomaly or is that the right word or
You know, I mean out of nowhere, you know, I mean, it's a reaction
Right to my behavior
um
I've done a lot of
growth in the last six months and and changes
um, I've put some hard boundaries down and um, I don't really give a shit
To be honest with you what people think
um
I I don't give a fuck
um
And the people that are that are saying shit about me in this fuck go fuck yourself
I mean because you don't know my this is my personal life
And this is our life and it's like, you know, they're being being very mean toward kalayla
And I've had enough of it, you know, um, it's unfounded not true
um
And um, she's a good girl
And I love her very much
And um, I wish people would stop, you know
I really do um
So that's pretty much everything in a nutshell for me. I um
Like I mean, I love kalayla. I love my brother as well, you know, um, he hurt me
He hurt me
It was painful
um
That being said, um
I know through time things will heal
and I
But here's the good news
I I'm we're not stopping tiger valley
We're not, um
We're good
We're good
We're not stopping. Um, I'm never gonna see anybody else in my life
I just know I just I have no interest. Well, you're a priest
I have no interest. I really have no interest, you know, I mean, we just need time to heal. You don't know that. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, um
That's how I feel, you know, I'm not compromising
You know, I mean, I'm not gonna watch your movies
You know, I'm just telling the future if there was a future. Yeah, I'm not gonna go to your restaurant
I'm gonna eat what I want to eat. Oh, you know, I mean, I'm not gonna listen
I don't you know, I mean, I'm gonna play 20 hours of video games if I want to
And whatnot and so that's that but if you have a real interest
No, I have no interest. I have no interest in any of that. No, I'm just telling any girl
I'm not listening. I will not listen. I will not cuddle
I will not cuddle. I will not listen and I don't give a fuck
All right, I'm not doing any of it. It's it's not who I am
So that's that it's this has nothing to do with
You know, I mean anybody else or my desires or whatever it has to do with preserving
Tiger Valley
Kalila and I work great together. We have great ideas. We're producing another thing together
We're gonna do a book, you know, I mean and you know, um, I'm super excited about the future of my business here
Um, we have a great family. Um
And uh
That's it. That's all I wanted to say episode 355
The breakup song
Or how about a new song?
Because you didn't sing you didn't sing a song at the beginning. So just we'll fade out a song
Really a melancholy one
Made up or hopeful
Yeah, I will not
Compromise
I'll play video games as long as I want to
You want to cuddle cuddle the pillow
If you want to watch your show watch your fucking show without me
You can eat at that restaurant because I'm going to Morton's
Yeah, yeah, I don't give a shit
Right, uh
How was your date? I'm how was your day? I'm kidding. I don't want to know
All the way from the Philippines episode 369 the legend uncle carlo
Have uncle carlo sit here, okay
Okay
Uncle carlo
I want to see gilbert chill. It's a gilbert. See george
Good to see you again, uncle carlo
I forgot the words already. Hey first one first one. Thank you. Thank you uncle carlo
Chill just talk on the mic, huh?
Okay
Talk on the mic if you want talk on the mic if you want do whatever you want
Okay, no need to be nervous uncle carlo. You're a legend
Okay, Mike Joe Mike Joe
So uncle carlo could introduce the audience first, okay ladies and gentlemen ladies and gentlemen
Uh, I you know in life, you know, I'm a pretty
Dynamic person, you know, I mean, I've done a lot of things in my life
You could write probably maybe write a book about me, right? But this next guest is sort of like, uh
The steve mcqueen of sababoo. Wow. Yeah, this this dude is I'm intimidated by him
I I want to I want to live like him. I want to be like as strong as him
Um, and he's uh coli lives uncle
Okay, he just said some sort of life affirmation or something
Yeah, some sort of wisdom thing and that's what I love. He gives little wisdoms and um, let's give him a round of applause
Uncle carlo
See it like he gets don't do raise the roof with him. Okay
Because he's another raise it down. Raise it down. How are you uncle carlo? It's fine fine
Do you remember me from last time? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask you a simple question. Do you like me?
Yeah, yes. Yes. I like you
Thank you. Good
Oh
Oh, you think that I'm handsome? Yeah. Yeah
He's telling the truth. I know I know but my butthole just did a little move
Oh, when he said that yeah, that's not a sexual way. Yeah, it just released itself my my my bad. So uncle carlo, um
How are you feeling today?
It's good. I feel I feel good looking for you. I will see you see you and it feels good to looking forward to you and seeing you as well
So when I was growing up of all of my uncles, I was actually closest to uncle carlo when I was younger
And so my uncle I have a lot of my mom has a total of 10 siblings
But of all of them, I would have to say uncle carlo is the one uncle that always went to my swim meets
Oh
Member Joe Sabaliana. Yeah. He always he never missed them every time we had like a big race
He was always there before and after
Oh, and he was a really really really big part of my life. Okay, right?
Come on
Mug story
Mug ask me a story about your emun kinabuhi sa prizohan. Okay, I'll care. Okay, right?
You can ask him about his time in prison. He says are you sure? Yeah. Yeah
Uncle Carlos, how long were you in prison for?
I'm maybe it's 14 years 14 years. You were in prison for 14 years. Yeah, and
How's the food?
Before it's very
It's not good the food. Yeah
Once I stood under two maybe like uh, mongo mongo mongo bean. I love mongo beans. Also you eat some mongo bean. Yeah, but it's not good
Oh poking. Yeah. Yeah
is uh
It's called it in the Philippines
Engine engine coke not no good
Well, let me engine coke engine coke. We call it no good, but it's got kankong kankong is like
Greens also you had greens greens the beans and then mongo mongo beans and supper. What else?
other
Nothing. It's all right. Oh, just mongo beans
Milk
Did you ever have a last good immortalized milk?
Not good. Yeah, I think prison milk is
Not gonna be good. Yeah, it doesn't seem like it's gonna be fresh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Ease. Do you have any questions about what it's?
I have some more questions. Yeah. Yeah, so in
In of in prison, did you have your own cell or did you sleep with a bunch of guys you can translate these?
We have uh, we have no
The one cell is
one
300 people one once a one room 200 people one room one room
300 people. Yeah
Holy, how do you sleep like this? You can sleep and uh
Yeah, like this. Yeah, and then like this if you if you like this you can
You can see the face
Yeah
Yeah, all people cough. Yeah. Wow. I would probably sleep
No, I mean just on my back. Yeah with my hand over my asshole. Okay
Just in case
Just in case just in case. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I mean you have to cover the asshole spiders
With spiders. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Spiders one of those geckos. Yeah, right
Dick that too. Yeah, dick. You know what I mean?
In the
Going to the inside
then
Respect that. Oh, yeah
Yes, you want to
because not uh
Just at the Filipino
So the foreigners they go in and there's just to kind of like see what it's like in the prison. It's almost like that's so weird. It's almost like um
A form of like weird like sick tourism
Yeah, like like weird
Is that what it is?
Yeah, it's like poverty porn or something like that. Wait, wait, wait. So what you're saying to me is that I'm a foreigner and you want to just see the
So I haven't you know, what do you want to see today, honey? Yeah, right? I'm with my wife. Yeah, let's go to the prison
Is that what it is? Yeah, and then I can go look inside the prison at how like horrible it is
And then that way they can just tell their friends like oh, I saw what it's like to be it's like poverty
According to that. That's fucking sad, man. Yeah
Um, so 14. Were you happy when you got out of prison?
No
No, um, when you um easy want to ask
Ah, yes, I'm gonna have to pay
Good. Yeah, happy the fresh air the fresh air. Oh, so you don't get fresh air when you're in prison
No, oh, so you never go outside
You go outside you're working. You're working while you work. I see are they put you to work. Wow plant the rice
Yeah, yeah, they plant rice
Have no carabao
Use your hands and then you have those for well. Yeah
Oh, wow, usually they use like carabao, which is like an animal
It's like the Filipino tractor to work the rice fields and whatnot, but they don't have the carabao there they use
Um, the the prisoners instead to kind of work the fields. Did they pay you?
No, I have
But
Very little
One peso and 25 centavos a day one peso and 25 centavos a day, which is a penny like two pennies
Two pennies. Can you say fuck you? I'm not working
Yeah, I'm because that because uh, yeah, so basically you can save that up and then you can buy things like coffee and
You know, oh, I see. Yeah, I see
How did you get out? I mean, would did you do your like you had a 14 year sentence and you got out or did they just one day say you
Maybe translate that was a sentence. Yeah, it was 14 years. Yeah, um, maybe we'll hop into more about what you did
But I'm just I want to last one's good. Were you there when he was released or were you in America?
Um, I was in America. Yeah
Um, but then I came home a couple years after I think. Yeah
um
But you know, like life life is weird, right? Because it's like
I still have so much like love and affection because like
My childhood memories is of my uncle taking really good care of
I don't know me and my sister. I don't know that makes me super emotional. But like, yeah, he is like a big part of my life
So I know like life's weird in that way where like you're supposed to
Feel some type of way and society tells you that someone is like bad, but then
He never missed any of my meets and sometimes when my dad couldn't make it like he was that person for me
In fact, he's my sister's godfather. So
You know, it's just uh, I love you
I love you too
So much, you know, I really do. Oh my god. That was really emotional
Um, but yeah, um, but we can get off that now. But thank you so much show
Thank you. So it was a pleasure having you on my show our show
It's mostly mine, but
And um, I hopefully we can get closer as time goes on. Yeah
Thank you
Oh
That was great, that was great
Thank you
Okay, you're my you're my new sidekick. Thank you. We're a team now
All the way from the Philippines 369 bobby scares off driver. Oh, that's my driver nelson. Hi nelson. Hi nelson
Hey, nelson. What's up, doc? Should we enter you?
You know
Nelson sit here
Yeah, he has he has a daughter in school right now and he has a wife nelson sit right here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Nelson how the fuck
You put that around his eyes. I mean
Nelson just walked in
I think he's supposed to pick us up at 14
Yeah, yeah, we're 30. So let me can I ask you gilbert a question? Yeah, why the fuck do I not have a driver and you have a driver?
We have a driver. What's my driver?
But that's everyone's driver you have your own personal driver nelson nelson. Can you tell them where you what city you live in?
I live here in the la po la po city
Guy's the best. I love this guy, right? Yeah, you live in la po la po city. Yeah
Yeah, yeah, how long have we been living la po la po 30 years 30 years
Yeah, he's also former military. You're former military. Yeah, I remember the piliper air force before
Oh, so you know to fly a plane? No, I'm only in aircraft maintenance
Oh, so you know how to make them but you don't know how to fly them. Yeah. All right. See
I'll teach you that
You've been in a plane before though
You you forget me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. How long have you been in the military?
I've been in uh 20 years and uh 20 years and six months
Wow, and then now nelson you work as a driver for Shangri-La. Yeah. Oh wow
That's wow. Did you see any combat?
Uh in mind now in mind now mind now is the south. Um, and it's uh
But it's different. So like while the philippines is mostly catholic mind now is heavy with um,
Islam is long and mind now we have uh 30 percent islam. Wow
Wow, there are 30 percent then catholic is 70 percent. Yeah. Hmm. And you went on the war with them
Okay, I'm uh gunner up on mirror of the uh, you uh, you it's one. It's a helicopter. Oh, wow
Then uh, I'm uh, also uh aircraft maintenance, you know, uh c-130
Oh, yeah, I love c-130s. Yeah. It's a cargo plane. Yeah, philippine air force. Really?
Yeah, c-130s. It's a big big plane big plane. Yeah, it's a cargo. It's a cargo cargo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
What would you transport in that?
transports
The military transport from manila to uh, mind now. Yeah. Do you ever transport?
I transport
You got him scared. All right. All right. Yeah, cocaine you scared. I scared him
Wow, thank you very much. There was some truth to that maybe. Yeah, we're not gonna report you man. Everything's good
solo part in the philippines episode 369 the gang eats balot
You have to eat the balot. I know but Gilbert has to sit next to me and eat it
Do you want to show them how to eat it?
Ease, you've never eaten balot either. You want to try?
Yes, yes. Eesa, Eesa too.
All right, wait, wait, we should sit here. Let kalala get up and give it to us and we'll eat at the same time.
No, wait, you sit here. But what about Eesa? No, you Gil, sit here. Eesa will stay there. I'll feed it to you.
All right, so I'm gonna watch the audio.
Isi la mosapilion. Isi la mosapilion. Isi la... I'm improvising like Mozart. Isi la mosapilion. Isi la mosapilion.
All right, I'm gonna vomit. How many days is this joke?
What does pinoy mean? I want pinoy.
The X has the one with the X.
The X is nice.
Take a shot. You get to the shot of this too. What is that? Don't worry about it. It's a vinaigar.
Is a vinaigar? Yeah.
Oh, thank you. It's warm.
It's okay. I have my wet towel.
Thank you. Salamat. Salamat. That's you. That's yours. Feel it. Feel it though.
Is it warm? Yeah. Mine's warm too. It's the same fucking thing, man.
I'm gonna try it again.
Yes.
All right, so is X... Is that where you open it?
What if mine's already open?
I really wanted to get into this too.
All right, so...
Babe, I think Andreas needs one.
Andreas. Andreas.
Andreas.
Kurt, yeah, Andreas.
Okay.
I've always just tried to avoid this. No, I actually have to try it.
How have you avoided this? This is... It's all from here.
I just... I just don't like it.
How have you avoided this your whole life?
I'm kind of a ninja.
Sit here, please.
Oh, yeah, he's on camera.
He's so nervous.
Because I'll tell you why.
Fancy can't eat mayonnaise on a hamburger.
Or so.
You ordered a chicken sandwich.
Imagine him eating one of these. It'll be great.
And you have to eat it? I have to see you swallow it?
Yeah, you do. Yeah, you do, bud.
Where's yours?
All right.
Can I make an assumption?
Can I make an assumption?
Here, so Bobby, there's a correct way to do it.
Right, so you're going to get the rounder part of the egg.
Which one? That's it?
This part.
I think the X part.
George, are you on this?
And you're going to pound it...
Where's yours, Andreas?
All right.
You're going to ever so lightly break it up top.
And then you're going to peel the top off.
And there's going to be juice up top.
Okay, that's enough.
I like to tap it.
Okay.
And then peel it.
No, there's going to be juice up top.
So you're going to suck the juice.
Be careful.
There's a soft part.
Where's the salt?
Wait, why does yours look...
Oh, my God.
All right.
There's the liquid up top.
Here, you want to show the camera?
Okay.
I see veins.
I see veins.
And I see the top of somebody's head.
What's that?
It's a salt, right?
I think so.
That doesn't look like salt.
Honey, is this salt?
Why do you need salt?
Okay, so now you're going to take a pinch of salt.
Yeah, yeah.
But if you want, I put a little more.
Okay, now we're taking the salt.
I'm just going to do it now.
I can't think about it.
Do you have to drink it?
I'm going to suck the juice first.
Fancy?
He's not doing it.
Where's my salt?
No, it's egg yolk.
It's egg yolk.
It's good, right?
You like it.
It's good. It's not that bad.
All right.
All right, suck it.
You don't need the soft part.
You need the soft part first.
Why?
Okay, so this right here,
what I see.
Okay, look at Issa.
Issa, you got to suck it.
So what I see here is I see a little feather.
Can you eat the feather part?
Yes.
Okay.
You do?
Do you like it, Issa?
Yes.
Did you drink it?
He's done it.
Andreas?
How are you feeling?
Not good.
Yeah, yeah.
Wait, that has a shell in it.
I need you to eat feather, too.
A little feather?
Eat a little feather.
He's mad. Look at him.
Eat it, Gil.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you can, you can.
How come he doesn't have any feather?
Oh, you have inside feather.
Where is the vinegar?
The vinegar is here.
All right, there I go.
Here we go, guys.
Ready?
Where are you?
Get ready, Issa.
He's already doing it.
Remember, there's a hard part underneath.
What?
I know, I know.
It's just egg.
I don't know, I have more hair than fucking egg.
Close your eyes and think of the queen.
George is already working his way through it.
Ready, guys?
Ready?
One, two, three.
Oh, you're eating the...
You're not supposed to eat all of it?
I have to tell.
I've had this so many times,
but this is way more fresh than the States.
It tastes way much...
so much better.
It's egg yolk.
Oh, look, you hit the face.
I hit the face of it, I know.
The kids are laughing at me.
Because I just crunched into a skull.
This is delicious.
You doing okay, George?
I got some brain, dude.
Do I eat the bottom part that's hard?
Oh, look at that.
Hey, camera left, please.
Oh, look at that.
Do you eat all of it?
You eat all of it, yeah.
All right, let's close this out.
All right, ready?
Let me eat another chunk of it.
See, he likes it.
It's pretty good.
Oh, thank you for saying that, Bobby.
Oh!
Oh, yeah?
Fuck you.
I see la moca de leon.
I see la moca de leon.
I see la moca de leon.
I see la moca de leon.
I see la moca de leon.
La la la la la la la la la la la.
What's up? This is Gilbo,
AKA Gilbert, AKA Flatface.
On behalf of the entire Tiger Belly family and team,
we love you guys.
Nosotras papaya to you, my friends.
And we love this lap of the kingdom.
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