TigerBelly - Ep 278: Bobby is Set Free

Episode Date: January 6, 2021

We read Bobby's diary and learn why he wrote "Mother said I don't have valor."Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today Hey You When you're sad and depressed shoot your gun When you're sad and depressed shoot your face with the gun When you're sad and you're depressed and there's nothing going on you guys I woke up in such a depressed. I'm not really suicidal by the way. That was just a game a song I just also please don't shoot your face with a gun

Yeah, because knowing my luck, I'll still live and then I'm that guy Just like yeah, I mean I'm that weird guy at the party You know me with the Diet Coke in the corner of the fucking party, right? Have new explain why half my face isn't there. Yeah, but anyway enjoy and welcome to it That's what Brody used to say and welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I've been um Wait, wait, hang on. That was our 2021 opening Cuz it can we just can we just be in a place where um we're honest and That we're being I don't want to pretend to be anything that I'm not

Okay, and I'm gonna tell you that I have a deep set a deep depression a set in I woke up today I'm like should I shoot heroin today? No, and luckily some magical things happened All right, I got these listen What is it front front here? It's on it's so got tigers. I order these tigers online Like and I forgot I ordered them and I got them today and it made me happy and then You know how your friend of me your friend of me, you know how a friend of me gives you a gift wait

What would you? What would you how would you define a friend of me? I know but many people define it different ways Yeah, my a friend of me for me is somebody that for me. I want I don't want to like I Don't want to be friends with why wouldn't you want to be friends? Just everything about them ideologically Ethically, you know, I mean it's just you're opposed to their whole being their whole being in essence You know what I mean on on paper and on you know on paper is like if I wrote read it Yeah, yeah in a magazine Somebody's characteristics. I would be like nah, right?

but for some reason because of Happiest dance and like life, you know, I mean you you meet them in a certain, you know a venue or light and You become friends with them, but you don't know why But you love them, but you don't want to And but I do I love them. Do you have loyalty towards a friend of me? Oh, yeah, I die for him Okay, so love that I would die for him. I would die for my friend of a friend than a me No, and I'm still war brothers. Oh That's a good one. That's a very good one. So you and I are on the same team or yeah, or no, I look at it this way

It's like enemy mine Do you ever see that movie? What is that? No, it was a movie. It was about I forgot who it was, but it was a White dude and the alien trapped on an island and I'm not planet. There's no planet. It's a real movie It's a real movie. I better not be the alien. Yeah, you're the alien, right? And and they're I guess, you know humans and this alien race. I don't forget the premise I'm sure that's what it is and they were at war and then these two Get just trapped on an island a deserted island and they have to become friends to survive Do they become friends? Yeah, these are sucking each other's dicks. It's fucking weird. Not really, but you know

But so that that's what it is. I think it's is there a movie called enemy mine Uh enemy it would bring me so much joy if you just made that up. Yes. Yes, and is there is Luke gossip, Jr. in it He is he's the alien, right? Yes, they made the black eye the alien Which is wrong and who's the white guy Dennis Quaid Dennis Quaid Dennis Quaid looks so yeah Yeah, yeah, so yeah, so Dennis Quaid and Luke's gossip, Jr. On an island an island. Why do you keep saying island it planet? It's a planet. It's a planet my bad, right? So that's me and George. So George got me these shoes these, you know, I've been you know

Sometimes he wears pretty cool shoes and I always go would you get those shoes and He goes he tells me and then just too lazy to forget and so he bought me these and they're pretty nice So thank you so much. And you know, it's it's you know, normally It would be very difficult for me to accept them But I will accept them because I'm changing my attitude toward the people around me and that's what growth is all about Fibrin bottoms. Yeah, these are fibrin bottoms, but thank you so much because it was a surprise I never thought that you would ever do this, but I feel like you you did this

You know, I mean for you you're expecting something in return. Is it be honest with me? No Because what you said when you gave it to me goes you then I go well, that's weird you got me this What do you want? He goes well, I did write a script. I have a movie script Is that what it you so you wrote a movie script? I've always got a movie script I said it as a joke and then you then you asked me like do you yeah, of course I do let me say something Yeah, George is an amazing writer. I know he's like he's a legitimate amazing writer I've read so much of so many of his stuff. I'm like my in terms of writers. It goes Aaron Sorkin

And then George Kimmel. Where's always what about Andres? What Andres? Andres is third for sure. Yeah I one of the days that you helped him out with Theo and Jay He came back upstairs and he was like, babe, you can never ever repeat this to anyone Never never would they don't say this don't talk if I said that don't say it now. She has to be nine It's not gonna it might ruin me. No, it won't it may but it won't oh, yeah, I think it's okay

Go ahead because you can never tell anybody this I was like, okay fine. What is it? I was the edge of my seat He was like, I really really really love George. I never said that I never said that I believe it I never why would I say that because you're you're smiling angry. You're doing angry smile No, I'm not angry smile. This is how I'm really angry. Why are you smirking a little bit because I'm depressed. You're happy He's never not there for me Wow Yeah, okay. Why are you frustrated? It's great. It's not great

I hate it. I hate it. It's like having it's like having rape juice on me Yeah, I don't like Your mind imagine what rape juices I don't try to yeah, yeah, it's like, you know the residual effects of rape Yeah, so enemy mind came out in So, um, you know, I might have said that right But I might I might have said that but the things that you're reading from me George, yeah, where you you think because there are times where I know you think oh He's in a bad movies. Does he not like me? Do you ever think that?

Do I think are you in a bad mood or a lot of the time I know I know but I know but do you ever think that's But do you ever think do you ever think that I don't like you? Not genuinely. No damn it It's not coming through the hatred. Yeah, I want to I want to ask you guys this Who do you think is in a bad mood more often Bobby or me? hmm I would

It's tough. Thank you. It's tough. God bless you. I have to be honest though. Yeah, I Like today you're in a good mood even though you're depressed. I don't know why yeah I think mood and depression is different But we base how to maneuver in this room based more on if you're in a good mood or not I'll tell you why Is he rude when he's in a bad mood? Listen, am I rude when I'm in a bad list? Listen to this. Okay, close up if I'm I close off, but I'm not rude Okay, if I'm right if I'm working in the White House, right? Let's say I'm press secretary. Yeah, all right, right?

what I would I Be more affected by President Trump being in a bad mood or Mike Pence Are you trying to quit the you are dropping pets? Yeah, we're trumping pants. Who's who though? Yeah, I don't want to I get it I think you can do it. You understand Bobby is more up and down and Kalyla is a lot slower like she's like so yeah the difference between our moods though and Even Jules will tell you that no matter if I'm having the worst day possible if it has nothing to do with you

I will not project that on to you I really try to be conscious about not projector not showing not like you don't deserve that like I mean That's my own shit So I'm not going to try to be an asshole right here projector him on the other hand He wants you to everyone to feel what he's feeling. I'll feel it absorb it, but thank God you guys aren't co-dependent So you don't take it personally. All right. All right. That's who I am. I'm so sorry That's who I am. You know be honest with you, you know if he loses his car keys. Stay for instance. Oh God Does this happen?

Shut up. I don't speaking of which what did I get you for Christmas to solve this big issue in the house? Oh, she gave me a A car key What's that called? It's like a tile tile and a credit card tile and a credit card He doesn't lose his wallet in his car. He said this is one of the biggest fights We have in the house is when he loses either of those things. Yeah, and then in therapy I've learned that no you just let him find it on you know what I you know, but you know what I lost the tiles the tiles So I need a tile tiles for the tiles for the tiles. I literally don't know where they are

I know I don't know either. I don't know where they are, but um, thank you for getting me those We'll never see them again Deep it from an app or no, will he never even set up the apps? So you're supposed to the tiles are unregistered Yeah, we need to get the tiles for the tiles for the tiles, you know Um, yeah, you're right. It's weird. Um, I should have immediately when I opened up that package And said, oh my god, I got tiles. I should do it right now You didn't I then I told you babe put it in now put it in now You did you kept saying that and how many times have you lost your key since?

Five or six times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And my wallet too Yeah, my wallet and if you don't help him find it He will make sure he paces around you with heavy footsteps breathing like this. It's unlikeable. It's unlike it's unlikable behavior It's a very unlikable behavior and I did that's not came out. I know it's very unlikeable edit that out and I apologize Um, that's who I am But you know what? I'm not you don't think that I've been better about it About what the car the car. I think I've been a little better about it I don't the car keys. No, there are a lot of things you are better about tell them

I'm telling one to balance it out to balance it out to make me feel a little better. Um, what am I better about? um I think you're better about um Being told what you know to help around the house without you having a meltdown about it Like when jules and I ask you now like hey, do you think you can help us or do you think you can throw that in the trash? Like you have a tendency to whatever you eat Let's say if it's like take out you just leave it scattered everywhere And then we always have to clean up after you but now her and I have so I've been doing it on my own

Like this I don't you didn't realize it and I wasn't going to mention it Yeah, but today because there was all these cans on these things on yeah, and they're gone Yeah, I threw them out right I emptied a lot of the trash because it was piling over, right? There's just certain things that where I just go and I'm not gonna I wasn't gonna say I swear to God. I wasn't gonna ever say anything But there are things that I do that I don't ever brag about or say I know you're done. That's why I don't do it. I threw away the cans every time That's why I don't do it

That's why I don't do it. True. True. All right. All right. So I apologize but um Um, but so, you know, I've been doing things on my and I don't think that men get credit for that You know, I think I know you needed a fucking gold medal to to throw trash trash a person that didn't do it No, baby. You don't get rewarded for if you're I'm trying to defend it Let me give me give me an opportunity. All right. If you're a guy, right that never did something right because it just never Um, it's just not a part of your nature to do it. Okay, right?

It never dawns on you to do it, right? Because you know, um, You've been a spoiled brat your whole life. Okay. Okay. Let's no. Well, first of all, yes And first of all second, but can I just defend this? Okay. Here's my other ink. Okay. So you're right So when I was growing up, okay, my mother did everything for me. Okay Okay So it's like, um, if I But she there was one thing that she never did was wipe the wall

so I had a I obviously had a bedroom and had a um In the back the back wall where the bed was against it was full of like The it looked like yellow tears, but dried Yeah, your cum wall. Yeah, my cum wall, right? And for some reason And I don't know if she ever knew what it was. Yeah, she does. She knows better. That woman's lived through wars She knows what a cum wall Yeah, but she never cleaned it

But that was the one thing she would never clean and this is years of it So it just became like this just like, you know, it was an art exhibition. Yeah, you know, I mean And so, um, but she used to clean everything up. Okay. I don't know why, you know, I mean throwing things away That's how this conversation started. Yeah, right. You asked for another angle. I don't know We went from You know, I mean I have been throwing things away. I did it to this gigantic, you know I think it all stems from that though. I think it's the the idea that you are Responsible for more than just yourself the content the idea that there is there are people around you that need to be considered besides

yourself Yeah, well, I've never been a I've you know before you right I the last roommate I had was um Back in the dumpster days when I lived with all those guys, right? So then I always lived by myself Uh, and I always had house cleaners Okay, and so I've never lived with anybody to be you know to be considered. I mean, I lived with one girl

Sarah, what did she think but she's just like I am She's free in that way. You know, I mean You know, I mean, she's like kind of she disappears. Oh, yeah, she's one of those girls. It's like All right, I'm gonna just go to my friend's house and then you won't see her for two weeks What about like what did she know about your timeliness and stuff? She was like that too She's very like there's paint all over the place because she painted Right and just tubes of paint on the ground and what about with poo and stuff. What did she think of like poo smears? Where poo where are you mean in the toilet? Like there's no poos me. I'm not the bed. I don't live in a

How many times he's had to scrub the bathroom over here? I know it's in the toilet though, right? It's fair game fair game. That's a fair game is in the toilet Then why do you complain when I fart into a toilet? I don't I think it's cute. My point is wait. He does that. Yeah, it's yeah He's like, what was that? I'm like In a fart into the toilet. So I've never lived in a situation right where you know, I lived with, you know regular, you know, I mean cleanly people Yeah, I mean who um like things certain way right and it's like and I'm just a messy kind of a guy

I mean, you know that about me and so I'm trying to improve myself But if this is not I know I'm almost 50 and this is it sounds ridiculous that I'm learning these things But I'm just one of those. I'm just a dirty chaotic messy guy Right and I'm trying to like I should throw this out now or you know, I mean I never even knew what the blue and the green and the black containers meant You know, I mean, I used to put the fucking cans in the you know, I mean green one, you know, I mean Yeah, and then I used to put like, you know a hamburger in the blue one, you know, I mean, it's like I don't know where

I've learned all that here You know, so it's just you know, yeah Different different stroke for different folks. You know how they say, do you know, uh, you have saying you're depressed today I'm a little bit more depressed now because of this conversation It's not I think the way to solve that is to go deep into your past and While George and I were cleaning up the old podcast room We found none of us have read this a little book that says mr. Bobby Lee written in 94 95 96 97

Oh, yeah, that's my that's my journal. So I'm gonna hand us to call out There's bookmark pages that we did not bookmark But I believe those are I think I've read those before have you you read some of it. Yeah on this podcast But I don't I think we just do some fair. I think we just did one page or two about a girl, but Oh It's babe, you know, I'm gonna say this for someone who's very chaotic and free and messy and dirty very orderly You've never been able to keep a journal that Very neatly. I write in diagonals like I can't follow. This is gonna be embarrassing. I don't I don't know

I mean, we'll cut it out if you don't want it. Okay. Maybe go farther back in the book. Okay further back Why did you guys fucking bookmark that we didn't we didn't bookmarked we did I didn't bookmarked. Oh, it came bookmarked I didn't read any of these. That's not my journal to read Okay, I got another low April april 19th 1995 these stand-up gigs are bringing me down. I hit a new low tonight I stripped naked stuff shit up my nose balance an astray on my head and stuck a microphone up my ass just to get a laugh What the fuck this paying your Do's mean anyway, who the fuck do I have to pay and why I hate this? I can't do it anymore

I've really only been doing it since mid-January and yet I'm sick and tired of it all I was doing so well about a couple of weeks ago. I did two smoking smoking sets Two smoking sets at the comedy store and the last two have been shitty Fuck I need more material and I need to move to be more consistent. Will I ever get good? Who knows at least I'm trying Wow, that's actually some good insight. Do you remember that? No Oh, you don't I don't believe I never used smoking You smoking here. Why don't you just read all the pages? Why do you have to keep skip?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah Wow, so there was that's almost the start of when you started doing more of the crazy stuff then. No, I started that way Yeah, okay. Here we go. This is a loved one. Oh, this is gonna break my heart. Why can't you be this sweet again? I wish he would write about me this way. He cleaned up cans today. I think that's uh, that's a new love letter. Yeah, okay March 15 1996 I love Anna I love her enough to accept the fact that we are just Good friends

Dude, you're a poet, bro Fuck you. I love it Oh, sweetie We spent the night driving around trying to find juvenile hall for one of the kids that Anna tutors After Anna gave me a hug that hug was intimate and it felt comfortable I realized at that moment that she isn't like the others. That's more the reason that I'm lucky to be her friend Dude, that's good. I'm 24 Old enough to know that sex romance and all the other pressures that my peers throw at me are not that important

I'm set free Who are you? Wow Do you feel that way now? I don't know why I'm crying I get it. Why is that? I'm crying a little bit inside. I think I don't believe any like all of these stories that you say you are About being like this dirtbag this this and that I know you like in your heart This is who you are. Well, you were 24 and you were this sensitive loving tender man who would never

Who would just look at a girl and be like, okay, I'll take the friendship Yeah That shit made me cry and broke me babe. Keep breathing. Okay. Okay I guess it's a different tone. What happened after that? I'm set free After that, I'm set free. There's a little tagline underneath. There's a tag underneath that says when she said we are close personal friends I knew it was over I March 24th 1996

I've changed my attitude I can't live my life by what others think of me. I'm gonna concentrate on what I need to do There you go. Okay. May 9th 1996 seven years of sobriety And growing if I died tomorrow, I will have no regrets damn bro Wow, February 2nd February 2nd 1997. Wow a whole year after you didn't write for a year I am a paid regular at the Hollywood comedy store and I just got back from Vegas opening for polyshore. That's crazy. That's in that book. Yeah Okay, here's your five-year plan here. I have a manager worthy Patterson who happens to manage Who happens to manage Carlos Mancia lots of things have happened in the last couple months, but I need to stay focused

I can hardly Care if I do good or bad on stage because I know I'm funny and I'm becoming a lot more original I'm still hooked on Anna The whole after the whole year after a whole year after I'm still hooked on Anna and it is scaring me I hope that I meet somebody else. Yeah, even if I'm able to even if I am able to date Anna It's still an impossible situation since I'm so focused on my career now as a comic I'll give this comedy comedy thing my best for the next five years. This is my five-year plan number one tv show Number two movies. Yeah, number three HBO special overall plan enough money number two a wife number three kids

Just need half of them Wow March 23rd 1998 this is two years after Oh, no a whole year after today. I'm auditioning for a movie that has Nicholas Cage in it Who is that? What movie is that? I've been in the main room six times since I've moved to LA. I've done two more tv shows I just need to focus on my act and stay humble finances are low and I don't think I can maintain this kind of living for much longer So he's thinking about it

Wow, you got cocky real quick. Yeah, go ahead now. I want to well fast forward to where my true self comes out Is this the turn? I want to see the turn. Oh, I want to see the turn into the real 2002 is when you turn Yeah This is this is four years later, um april 28th 2002 I make $7,000 a week and I have $40,000 in investments That's all you wrote for that thing What happened to the I'm in love with anna This is my this is my financial portfolio

It gets worse I think after that I think it's worse. What was the switch? What the fuck happened to you? That's when it that's when I that's when I changed That's when you became probably incorrigible to other people. I was really bad then I was really bad then but um, let's see if you get better at all. Oh, oh, let me tell you something Four years five years have passed. Yeah, but you're still hooked on anna Really? Yeah, let me see. Let me see. Let me is this 2002 april 28th Last night I did my first tonight show appearance Jay Leno talked to me in my dressing room for 20 minutes

I didn't hear a word. He said because I'm like fuck Jay Leno is talking to me. He's got a huge chin Currently I'm on a sketch show on fox called mad tv and I hate it but I'm But I I make more money than I have ever had And the pussy potential is out there It's out there The pussy potential I'm oh god, I'm seeing a hot model type

And I'm gonna keep it blank What and she costs a lot of money I might have hired somebody let me see the name Let me see the name or maybe she just caught like clothes and stuff like that. Oh, yeah Yeah, she's crazy. Wait, but she she wanted you to buy a lot of things for her. Yeah. Yeah I'm seeing a hot model type and she costs a lot of money I have a great agency behind me gersh and my manager is the best abby. Oh I'm pretty fucking happy side note. Anna is married and she's pregnant

Oh, you've been following her but i'm truly happy for her things happen when they happen and nothing matters but god So shut the fuck up bobby because you're driving yourself crazy Dude, I feel like I shouldn't be sitting here in the anna should be here instead. Why no You've I I feel like I want to see how this love story could have panned out It never would a pen it would never can just turn into a movie. That was the last thing you wrote. Yep. Wow You held a candle for anna for a really long time and my heart breaks for this This is the little boy that that couldn't ever feel You know the love in return

You know, um The honest truth is If she if she hadn't It's like it's like I something drove me into Pursuing comedy as hard as I did You know, I mean and it was two things. I think it was You know my fear of my future or how I'm gonna survive and also heartbreak You know and those are the two things

So I always looked at it as I mean obviously I don't even think about her or Know what she looks. I don't care, right? But your friends Yeah, I mean, I guess I mean, I do I mean if she if her and her family came up here and wanted to have dinner I guess we'd have dinner, but yeah, we keep like anytime she sends you a christmas card with her family We put on yeah, yeah, and and I appreciate it and um But without that heartache. I don't think that I would have it would have driven me into

You know comedy. I mean it was like depression and desperation and all those things Motivated me, you know That's why it's like even now when things are good You know, I try to find things to um Put me kind of back in that desperation spot to motivate me and to get me, you know, it's just I don't know if that's healthy or not, but um You know, it's a great motivator for me. You know

fear You know and loss You know, I'm not one of those guys that like when things go bad You know, I mean I go I disappear into the night When things go really bad I fight And I and I I'm a scrapper You know, I'm a little bitch and I'm complaining

I become a complainer and I'm I'm messy and you know, and I know I'm all those things as well I'm all those things that was well if there's anything that Like there is you know, like we we've been doing this for so long and there is that I this idea of you just being this you know Kind of chaotic human being kind of just does what he wants There is one thing that I wish people or a side of you that I wish people knew more of And that is you are by far the most

Tenderest the most tender Loving unabusive person I've ever met Like I grew up in a in a household where there was always like screaming and name calling and anytime there would be a fight We'd always go for the jugular that even for me like when I'm back against the corner I try to go for like the most cutting angle um With him even when he needed he's not nasty like that I'm not nasty towards you because I love you so much. I would never if something about you

And my feelings towards you and my relationship toward with you Um makes me not want to it just it's not I don't want to go there Because it's like I love you that much But you've broken the cycle is what I'm saying like you grew up Watching I'm no I'm like that with other people though cutting yeah I'm very cutting I mean you should listen to the shit that I say

in warzone to strangers I yeah, but I say really crazy shit. I hope you do because they deserve it. Yeah. Yeah, but my point is is that and I you know I am still that guy, you know, but um There are things that I have in my gun with toward andro santino I do I have a gun And I have three or four bullets in there that will completely that would completely evaporate

Our friendship and our relationship that we so dark And cutting right that's going to make me the champion of it, you know, but it'll also destroy I have that with everyone Wow, I have things that I can say or do right that is going to cut to the fucking, you know root of it I think we all do those sweetie. Yeah. No, I know we do right. So my point though is is that um But with you specifically, you know, I mean I don't do that, you know, and I've done that in other relationship where I've Said things right like I remember one girlfriend. I go I said something I knew it was because it would be cutting And very hurtful. Well, hold on one second. Let me I just looking at your face. Can I guess what you said?

What can I just guess what you said? What did you say something along the lines of That's why your dad abandoned you Something like that. Yeah. Yeah. How did you guess that? I just saw it in his face. Yeah Because that's to me that would be the most painful thing you could say to somebody I've said things like that right toward a girl And they go Oh, you know me and then cry and turn around and run away and then when they run away I go Like I have that, you know, yeah, but I'm not like that with her. I would never be like that with her because I love her too much. It's you know

Also, it's like, um Also, you're also you're also gonna be if I'm gonna go for her jugular, right? My jugular is exposed, right? And I know what she has in her arsenal. And so, you know, I'm just gonna Also, I'm gonna play, you know, I mean, it's a truce for life You know, let me tell you something. She's she's fucking deadly. He can never betray me. She can yeah He knows about me. She knows things about me, right? That no one knows so she has me by the fucking testicles, right? And and it's like, you know, I allowed that to happen because I love her so much

But she has, you know, I mean she has the information and I I'm fucked It's a weird way of both of you saying we're both vulnerable towards each other. No, we're both basically tethered so tightly to one another. Yeah Like we cannot it won't be an easy break It's gonna be like god. He has all my secrets. He has all of my secrets Does he know the most secrets out of anyone in your life? No other than your sister, maybe? No, he doesn't I those he's dumb I know all his secrets. He doesn't know

You better get them Yeah, it's just that he is somebody who Like for his thoughts like I I do like this about him He always needs a place for his thoughts and ideas like certain things I keep very close to my chest So I don't need a place for them. They can stay inside me Mm-hmm. I fucked up I fucked up, but you know what? Um It's fine. I'm I'm fine with it, you know

But in terms of like it's it was so interesting To hear, you know, I mean you didn't get like in do you ever read the the mule shit in the beginning? I didn't do that. What is what read the beginning? I don't want you to take it away from me. Yeah Oh god, this is so mule. It's so mule, right? What? Okay, here we go. Here we go. This is true. Oh my god. He doesn't know how to spell Alan Ginsberg Oh, it's about Alan the chest. Yeah, remember I told you about Alan Ginsberg. It's real and I thought we I thought you said Ellen Yeah, and but you you did spell it out because I know the guy Yeah, you've already said that many times

Guys this this entry is not dated because it is evergreen Alan Ginsberg said to me What the fuck were you writing a novel? It is the fucking you know what I mean Ginsberg said to me Alan Alan Ginsberg said to me if I watch too much tv that I might fry my head I was hoping for something way more prophetic than that

But okay, if I want if I watch too much tv that I might fry my head I wanted to say that I have nothing else to do with my time I will not talk about the woman in my life and their effects on me. No more power to the evil What while you're the original men that go their own way Wow No more I will not talk about the woman in my life and their effects on me. Okay No more power to the evil time and time and fucking time again

I go through a fucking phase in my life where I mind fuck myself I don't know. People like me I get suspicious of their judgment And character It goes straight into A bus was bombed in Israel the other day And people dead on the street and I complain about my life Conflict and turmoil globally and I complain. I don't vote. I rarely help others and I complain I fucking like to complain. Damn. It makes me feel good. God. I should bring this to work couples therapy because you always say I don't complain

Like this is proof. Hold on one more one more place. Just one more paragraph, please Work work work and more fucking work. This minimum wage drudgery is monotonous and it will kill me mother said Mother mother mother mother said that I don't have any valor Where did you talk like this? Mother said I don't have any valor This is 1970 maybe she's right. Oh my god. It's such a great line. I have to take a picture of that Okay, sad songs really bring me down But why I don't identify with them the lyrics usually contain material or experiences that are foreign to me I have never had a lover to lose and my life has been pretty uneventful. The chords are basic open chords

Which is usually major and key. I'll never know why sad songs bring me down, but they do I have seen so many attractive people today male and female Told you you were fluid. I wonder what people think of me What a self sent what a self-centered thought I need to face and walk through my fear I'm so close and yet so far away I lit up a cigarette in front of a non-smoking person and she started to complain Don't you know that that secondhand smoke can kill me you selfish bastard You know, I don't like when people break out hard drugs like cocaine crack

It's just a personal thing. So I developed a technique when I find myself in those situations. What I do is what I Do is I leave? Okay, there's a lot of good advice to yourself. Yeah, babe Anyway, what a weird episode Let's let's let's let's retract. I really want to do a recap of what everyone's done in the holidays before we wrap up No, no, I'm not wrapping up. Yeah, I'm just don't want to talk about this anymore I think it's it's it's like it's so is it we're emotionally training for me

It gets weird. I was scared, you know, and that's also it's like I was a little a lot more like introspective I think And and and and I you know just a journal I think you you seem a lot more focused Like not as kind of all over the place Yeah, but there was always like this um notes from the underground the reason why I had a journal is because you know, I just wanted to like, you know um

Because I was so alone all the time, right? I didn't really have a lot of friends and you're and so depressed and just walking around and being very like You know, when you're at that age, you're so very philosophical I I guess you know me and try to find the meaning of life or whatnot And I would just write, you know in an introspective kind of a way, but I Maybe I should start journaling again. I think they should. Yeah I mean, I started journaling during the pandemic You did bring that next time you've been journaling your whole life though, right?

Oh, yeah, I journaled a lot, but again very similar to hit super emo Like I would cut myself and then put the blood on my journal. What? Oh, yeah Yeah, I would listen to fucking Fiona apples rendition of across the universe. Love that song Um, but her rendition is like super depressed. I know that I know love that version Yeah, and then I would always just you know, yeah, we're the same baby cut cut cut him and I would have gotten along We would have probably what short is that? Red scare it's a great show red scare. Yeah, what's red scare? It's a podcast on patreon Are they good very good

Yeah, real good. Is it comedy? No, it's uh I don't know political ish modern issues. Yeah They take on they don't ever try to be right. They're they just try to be interesting. So is there the comics that do it though? Or just political people um Mostly political people. Yeah, they're uh, they're really in the zeitgeist like they couldn't Get anybody they want almost they've got a lot of big people just by being Interesting red scare. Yeah. Oh, you could I'm gonna listen to it. Um, okay. So what did you get for Christmas?

Oh besides your tile So for Christmas I got um Some cool things I got pills Pills Yeah, I got vitamins or pills. I got a tenon all beta blockers and um Right. I'm I'm load of pain. I'm load of pain. Yeah, I like uh, I got a video game plaque with my name on it Which is really cool from my sister your sister. That's why she asked me I got what she did ask you Yeah, I got slippers from your sister. I got um also, um

What else did I get? Oh, yeah, I got I Uh sleeping eye mask. Yeah, but that's you know, to be honest with you. I think I'm gonna go blind. That's why I can't use it It's what do you mean? So it's like if this weighted eye mask Juliana got it and they this really cool like they but then they sit on your eyes And then I had this fear that the next time I open them I'm gonna go completely blind because I can feel so much pressure on my eye. So I don't know I have to do some research on that

And then we took jewels. Um, well, you know, he got me for Christmas. He got me like Eight different sets of silk pajamas I've never worn silk pajamas in my life. I didn't even know that I would like them Because she you know, what what I've been trying to do for guys listening is what I've been trying to do is Because this is what I usually this is what usually happens During christmas's and and her birthdays right

The date will come up in two days And I'll panic And I'll go I'll just get her some random thing. You know what I mean? And so what I've been doing lately is Months and months in advance. I try to listen to the little clues of things that she says Right. So at one point maybe three or four months ago. She had said I don't have any pajamas I should get some pajamas what I wear at this sleep is usually a really big t-shirt and then just underwear so I noted that

right and then I bought her I don't see I've never bought pajamas before so I don't know what the fuck what brands are good So I just went for a price and silk I think I thought silk Like what would Kate Blanchett wear silk, right? And you know and this is probably I like the some floral company floral thing Right in terms of patterns or whatever and I also got her some traditional looking ones, right?

And so that's what I got her. I really like him. It turns out. I really like silk pajamas So pajamas didn't know I always thought I was like a cotton girl But turns out I feel like a royal like I like it like freaking Buckingham Palace Thank you We took jewels to the snow for the first time. Oh, yeah, where was that? That was in big bear We went the day after the and I'm gonna say this um You know, I grew up in snow, baby No, no, no, I in Minnesota. I was you know from from two to ten. I lived in Minnesota. Yeah, so um, but and I never thought

So juliana grew up in on an island, you know, and they had no snow there. So you never think that Snow looking at snow would be like impactful or an amazing thing, right? Because this is some like snow. I've you know It's like ocean the ocean, but I guess a lot of people never seen the ocean as well And then I also get astonished when people go like this kid arena. Raimi goes, you know, when he flew for the first time It's like, you know, he just recently flew for the first time on a plane So I guess these things are you know new to people and they're in a traumatic or sometimes, you know It's a big experience for people joyful. Yeah, and so, you know, we decided to go to big bear and I

Didn't think there was snow at this time You know, I mean, but we start driving up and we have to put chains on our Tire got that bad. He's like, we don't need to bring chains. Those like chains are Um required like you can't because it was right after a snow day So we put the but the chains were putting the chains on Well, how was that experience? It was an ordeal because I've never done it before neither have I I don't live in snow No, not yet. Yeah, I don't know what tire it goes on. I don't know how it's put on And it's like, um, we did it though, you know, here's what happened. So here's juliana never seen snow in her life

Don't even know why the fuck we need chains for like that's not a concept that she would even understand I've Literally only seen snow three times in my life The first time when I was 19 one time in vancouver And like the third time in big bear. Wow, that's I just don't I've never snowboarded in my life I've just never really had those opportunities. So I was equally as excited really don't know what the fuck chains are Or either I just know that I needed to buy them So I bought them got the tire size of three numbers got the correct chains and I was really

Banking on him. I was like, probably knows he's american. He knows snow Right So you see like a whole row of cars just you know stopping to put on their chains Yeah, and we're I could start to see that he's starting to like look at how other people are putting it on Yeah, I'm just You know look at the sun You know what I mean? And then like just I don't even I don't even know the concept But we put them on I don't even get how you put it on it. It's a wheel

We put it on like fucking formula one drivers. Yeah, it was quick. We were so fast. Yeah, it was me juliana and bobby Back it up back it up back it up. Yeah, man And we were the first ones out and we got it right. Yeah, and it worked It was and then there were other people who put, you know, it says tire up tire down or else you destroy your tires We could see so many people kind of just not being able to move and then kind of like their tires starting to smoke And we were just out of there. That's funny And however Did it fall off we could put chains on really well. It turns out we don't know how to take them off

They're the worst taken off. But um, so then jewels, you know when we started seeing snow to see her face You know, I mean to see this uh winter wonderland It was um well worth it To see somebody go it's beautiful, you know, and it's like It's it also, you know, you can see it through their eyes and then you then you realize, you know, me how beautiful it really is You know, like normally if I went up there on my own, I'd be just be like because of fuck, right? But by for her seeing it through her eyes and made me Realize how beautiful it was. It's weird. You know, I mean, and then I'm like, this is beautiful. What a

shocking, you know, I mean Beauty this is, you know Sometimes you I should you should do that more often to look at things through some somebody else's eyes You know and um, that's what she and then she went out. We had a great breakfast as well She went out in the snow. They did some slidings And then they just their boogie board. Yeah, I stayed in the car. I don't do slidings And then um, you know what he told us the day before because I was like trying to pack up warm clothes I was like jewels. You need like snow pants. You need things. He's like, you don't need any of that

He's like, you don't even need a beanie You don't need gloves. You don't need nothing and like he basically convinced her that she could just roll up in like thin sweatpants Well, because I did she no, but she froze or fun. Yeah, but I I was I never thought you were gonna leave the car He brought boogie boards. I know but for me, it's like I'm dressed like this because I'm not leaving the car You know, I'm not gonna go out there Handles the chains, but it was fun. It was fun. And then um, the chain was a nightmare coming to get off coming back down Oh my god him and jewels it took us like 30 minutes to rip those we had to go underneath the car next to a freeway and just like

In the in the chains had entangled into the You know what? Yeah, and it was like and imagine that now it's like freezing. Yeah ice puddles right mud Jules and I are underneath the car Pulling, you know, I mean metal through, you know, I mean and it's just entangled in there and then cars whipping by And then Miko is screaming Look out for me. I don't want to die. You know me. I was in I was blocking him. Yeah. Yeah from from from cars coming

It was like and just ripping and and and I fucked up by because once we finally did it Right. Jules kind of laughed, you know, I mean that was a crazy experience and I acted like a bitch Now the whole time he was so angry. I was so angry. He he almost ruined because I was in drenched in rain Like ice water Right. It was like scary Because why you drenched a little And I was scared, you know

And then um my mood it affected my mood a little bit. I was a little angry But you know, I told color that I said, um, you know, I'm not like my dad and my brother Where I stay in rage for an hour or two and I also don't get violent. Okay I do when I get I do get into rage But my rage is lasts for about three to five minutes I mean And I just need to calm down Right, but I promise you it'll never go into violence like like my dad

And it'll it'll never it'll just be that it'll just be I'll just be really really angry For about three to five minutes. I might say ridiculous things, you know, man, but I will calm myself down Okay, and I apologize and you did and I did and thank you for listening Do we have a question this week? We do but did you guys you guys added a new family member? Oh, that's right. Oh, yeah, people were wondering we're not adding we didn't we're we'll bring her in Well, we we fostered a puppy I had a broken leg and we found her a good home an amazing home and now we have a new um German shepherd who was the nicest dog. I've ever met my beautiful sweetest dog. She's nine months old. Hold on. Let's let's have

Let's call Jules. She's her name is um coran. I think she's maybe 10 11 months. Yeah, and she is um A sweet very sweet How long do you have to hold her for? Oh, what was that Jules? Can you bring coran here? I did. Yeah, wear your mask. Okay. Hey, bye Cora! You can let the leash off Jules Jules, I heard you didn't put the chains on the tires, right? She did She's gonna go go go go to papa. Cora, come here. Come here, Cora Wow, Cora say hi to the camera

Oh my gosh, what a beautiful dog. She's She's a sweet heart. Wow She's so sweet. I think she she will be available for adoption um In a month in about a couple weeks because she is um on she's on her period right now and can't spay her and Jules's heart is gonna break in half. Jules, adopt her Julio is not good with um with new dogs. Yeah Oh my god. Okay. All right. Isn't she sweet girl? Yeah, she's just looking. Try to find my eggs. No, not my eggs

Cora, come here. Cora, come here. You're smart Come here, Cora. So friendly. She's the best. Come here, sweetie Are German shepherds the dogs you can train to bark intruders? She doesn't bark at all. She like greets. She greets the um The mailman, but yeah dogs if obviously if there's a real intruder But these gods, uh, these dogs are well trained for like commands type of stuff for commands if I told her to sick them They'd suck she'd suck them Sick them

Hi, baby girl. Okay. Gil. What's the question this week? Yeah, what's the good? Okay? No, you can leave her here. You can leave her there Or leave it open at least Okay, just take her Hello guys. I am a 19 year old student from Eastern Europe who has been having sex from the age of 12. Whoa, baby This affects me negatively as I'm constantly looking to have sex with new people Sex has become unsatisfactory for me too. My parents cheated on each other when I was a child and that broke my heart This was very traumatic to me. Now. I'm not able to build relationships with girls that are interesting to me

As I start to neglect them and search for other girls I see it as a self-defense mechanism to prevent myself from being cheated on I want to ask if that's anything you guys have ever struggled with and if so, could you tell me how to get a hold of traumas like this? Wait, so can you repeat the last part gill? What did he say? I'm not able to build relationships with girls that are interesting to me as I start to neglect them and search for other girls I see it as a self-defense mechanism to prevent myself from being cheated on Because of his well, you're self aware of it, right? That's the most important thing You know, a lot of people, you know, we do these actions and then they don't even think about it, right?

You're completely aware of what the issue is. So that's a good thing and number two is you also Know the answer Since you are aware of it, right? And so, um You know that there is a problem, right and you know that eventually your young guy eventually what you'll do is You'll probably get a therapist or someone that will help you Right and then you will um, you will change or If you don't get a therapist and you just decide one day, I'm gonna absolutely

um be vulnerable with this person that I like and I'm going to um allow myself to feel all the things good and bad and You know feel the whole spectrum of emotions with this person that You know, I have a deep affection for and then the reward might be so great that you're going to learn that it's so worth your time to open up like that to somebody and instead of protect that sounds so boring to me to continually protect yourself from being cheated on get cheated on Feel all of it. It sucks. It hurts, but the next one won't be as bad

And if the next one is bad the next one might be better. It's just it's a small price to pay for feeling love Like for feeling for being love For you know what I mean love love love love story love story time This podcast was a little weird, huh? It was like introspective and also, um Not really the funniest one we've done. It's the way to kick off 2021 But it's it was still pretty good. I thought what are your um wishes for this year I just need to get out of the funk that I'm in now. I can't think outside this week to be honest with you

I need to Get out of the funk that I'm in now. I think this helped. I think getting the shoes helped I think doing this podcast and talking helped, but I'm still in a funk And very negative. Are you still it seemed to have directly correlated with you? Being really angry at Santino yesterday You know what he did was um, uh To me, you know, he it's one of those things where he knows I'm sensitive about something and he did it anywhere And basically what it was, you know, I was not I was just telling them we were talking about casting directors

And we're talking about um The ones that we like and I go this specific one. I like a lot. I just don't ever Look through her Thinking that that would be the end of it And what he does he calls her Oh Right in front. Yeah on on and then she picks up And he's like, oh bobby says that, you know

He loves you a lot, but you know that you know, he doesn't book through you Oh, right and it's like dude No, that's not cool because it's like Number one. I have to be honest with you. There were some auditions. I've done with her through her. That was terrible So it's not her fault. Yeah, I was just, you know, it's I was doing podcast fodder. Yeah, you mean I wasn't really, you know For you to put it in in that light to put a spotlight on it, right? He's embarrassing And it's and it's something That I'm sensitive about

Yeah, and you know, I could throw him I could put him on blast right now, too That's why you guys are bad friends and no, I could put her on blast. I could say one thing right now I will I won't I won't I I'm just saying I could say some things that would destroy him Yeah, well, that's why he was successful That's what that's what that's what that's what the human I only know right I could put a fucking spotlight on his shit as well. Check out bad friends. What you want. I got bad friends Yeah, I'm not going to but I'm just saying it's a warning shot

You know, I'll let this one slide. There you go. All right, but you want to fuck around let's fuck around Right you want to get personal anyway, I love you. Thanks for listening. Bye Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely ad-free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen ad-free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com.