TigerBelly - Ep 329: 7 Days on a Deathbed w/ Rick Ingraham
Episode Date: December 29, 2021Bobby starts a triple X GoFundMe. Rick reads for Breaking Bad. Khalyla heckles. We talk Warlock the bodyguard, double dragon diabetes, Milli Vanilli jokes, fecal smearers, and the Pete Davids...on Vortex. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Rick's here. Rick's here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Is that how you soundcheck? Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Levels. Don't say anything until I bring your name up. Okay, Rick. That's the rules of this fucking thing. Yeah, I hear you
I'm here to follow rules. I know. I know you don't like to follow rules, but do you follow that rule?
Yeah, I can do that. All right. Do you break rules often?
I
I tend to make my own rules and then break them. Yeah, I take it as far as I can go
Yeah, that's the ultimate God move. Yeah. Yeah, it's just you know, I created I destroy exactly right
Yeah, I'm a bit of a you know
Keep my power
Type of person in house. It is it's made me feel great and held me back in every way
Yeah, I don't like this Clark Kent thing you're doing with your leg for I don't do that. It's very yeah, Dean
I like it. What do you think?
Actually like it looks pretty good. I don't know. Oh, yeah, there we go. All right, so start don't say anything until I say your name
Go ahead
Four three two and a one negative one negative two
Three four negative five no one ever does that no they go to the ground zero, but not me
Can I beg you? Yeah, keep going? All right, so go five four three two one zero negative one negative two negative three negative four
negative five negative six negative seven negative eight negative nine negative ten keep going eleven negative twelve
negative twelve thirty fourteen negative fifteen
You guys welcome we got George, you know, you know, you know, you know, I you know
I said to you a year ago, you know, no more plain old white guy gasses
I go no more these plain old white guy fucking white bread fucking wonder bread fucking guests, right?
I love wonder bro. I know I love them too. And that's what I thought this week
I'm like, I love wonder when I first came from the Philippines wonder bread was my favorite
I would eat a whole loaf would just butter right and then people would say would you have a breakfast?
And I would probably say wonder bread and they'd be like, that's it. Yeah
I didn't know it was a bad thing. But anyways, wonder bread's great. Wonder bread's great. It's plain. It's wonderful
You're not getting a lot of nutrients. Hmm. Not a lot of bag to differ champion swimmer. It is
Wonder bread is okay. So anyway, um over the years. I've been like, you know
You know, these regular white guys. Who is the top of them?
You're me here's who's on the list. There's a cream of the crop crop when it comes to regular white dudes
Plain plain old white dudes. Yeah. Yeah. And in my head, I'm like, which one would I, you know
If I was like the emperor of the universe sure and I get to deem leaders
You are the emperor, right? I would probably this next guest be you're now the new leader of
The whites, but the regular whites plain whites plain whites, right? You get to lead, you know
Ian bag
You get to lead, you know, Daniel Tosh, right? I mean, you're leading a lot of white people and you have a lot of on your shoulders
I also want to say this before I say your name is and this you know, this is true. I
Honestly think you're so talented. I
Think all of the guys and you know, this is my podcast and I don't give compliments
But I'm just saying all the guys that were store bread guys
like me you
Sebastian maybe was he was store bread. You worked a little bit, right?
But I think that you're one of the best and I think and when you get spots you get spots a lot
I I look at Emily every time and I go keep doing that because that guy
Deserves it give him a round of applause Rick Ingram. Wow. What an intro pretty good, right? God. Yeah
Yeah, do you like being white? Yeah
It's you know, it's worked for me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean, there's a lot of plain whites
And there's what's interesting now is for the first time the plain whites are really up in arms about how things are becoming more fair
George is nodding. Yeah. Yeah. They're very angry about it
There's a lot of people who'll be like dude
You probably would be famous by now if you weren't a straight white guy. I'm like, I've been unfamous and straight and white for 20
Years, I don't think that's it. Yeah
But our eyes you're the Lord of the white. You're the white. Yeah, that's the best. I'm excited about that
But can I I want to say that you're
Kind of an anomaly in the sense that
You're one of those guys that we all have talked about over the years. Yeah, like I've had conversations with Paul a shore
About you. I've had talked about a talk talk with Sarah Tiana
And it's like you're just a mystery because I just think that you should be
50 times bigger than you are, you know
Do you feel that or no? Yeah, I mean I do but I I'm I'm absolutely
Horrible at playing the game. So yeah. Yeah, I can't have I can't have you know
Our long fake conversations with Hollywood types where I have to pretend like I think what they're doing is great or
Whatever that is, you know, I'm just really bad at it. There's a
For me, I try and keep an element of being genuine. That is I feel frowned upon in
Hollywood in general. I think that's what it is. Yeah, you just seem like a normal
It's not a weasel like you. I always say the truth shall set you back. Stop stop stop
He's not a what? He's not a weasel like you. I am whizzily, huh?
But I can't help it because I was raised with the weasel. That's the Pauly effect. Thank you. Yeah, there is a Pauly effect
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's why I got fired from touring with Pauly. I think was my oh my body was rejecting weaseling
Really what did you do anything strange on the road or no the Pauly? Yeah, he was always just like he would try and just be little me
It was always like did come come clean up my room and pack my bag so that we're ready
Yeah, I was like 23 years old. I'm like, I'm not doing that. Yeah. Yeah, they'd always throw everyone under the bus
Did Simone does it bro? Yeah, no, he tried to do it to me, too
And I just wouldn't show up at the table. Yeah, because for me, it's like I'm not getting a lot of money
Yeah, I'm opening for Paul, which is great. He's a legend and you know in the circles that we run in, right?
So you just go but also when you're single and back then
you're going I
Think I want to get some play here. Yeah, that is what you think. He never happens. Never
So much played it never works. I mean, I have zero game in general. Yeah, like he stacks it up to help like I'm sure you probably got your own hotel room
I had to share a hotel room with the bodyguard
Tea with Tarell. Yeah. Oh, yeah
He used to have this guy T. You don't know Tarell. He's like the seven foot giant giant black eye pride of Chicago pride of Chicago
His name was T. Yeah, right. You don't fuck with T, dude. One of the best dudes. We're the best. Yeah strong as
Fuck yeah, also very genuine human being. Yeah, he like tours now with like well-known R&B hip-hop
Yeah, I saw me. Yeah, so I was in I was shooting. What was I shooting? I was shooting a movie called
Keeping Up with the Joneses
With in Atlanta, right with Zach and those guys I just a couple scene that scene but um, I remember being in the hotel and
What's the long-haired magical DJ?
Yoki one day you'll get it
I know I text him every day. I just like pretending. I don't know who he is. Who are you?
Of course, I know who he is. He's one of the biggest
But I remember he was there and I was talking to fucking Steve Aoki and all of a sudden I was levitating
So I see Steve Aoki in the fucking lobby. I go, what's up, dude? Where I go and I started levitating
T was there was working for Ioki. He picks me up by the neck
And he lifted me off the ground like this and I talked to Steve Aoki like this
Fucking T is strong as fuck. Good man. Good man. Yeah. So back then you did it with T. How about Warlock?
I know I knew Warlock from the comedy store from just smoking cigs and drinking Budweiser's on the front patio
If you were to describe Warlock's body
You don't know what Warlock started Warlock Rick and I go from the medieval
Yeah, Warlock the warlords. We had a different time man. Warlock was like
He was the accountant for the house of blues
I would have never I would have never guessed a warlock would be the accountant. That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah, real name
I'm not sure
Cigarettes Roger imagine that's name cigarette smoke in human form. Yeah. Oh, that's warlock. Yes
It's ash. He's made of ash. Yeah, it's a good way of describing. Yeah, ash and cigs also a great dude
But just definitely where you just like I'm getting cancer right now. Yeah
Also, you know, the all those terms like you're greasy did you know, I mean, that's all drive from warlock
No, just like all those words. I feel like he came up with by hanging out with warlock. So warlock Holly. Yeah, yeah, Paulie
Yeah, so warlock was this greasy dude, but back then it's like about one time
I'm Paulie guys. I was this girl was blowing me
Mm-hmm and Paulie guys after she was done and I felt this I've never had my heart break
So hard
Yeah, yeah, it broke it breaks my heart. So she's pure poor girl. She's 22
Junior in college. No, I must have been at the time 28 27
And she's done and she's you know, she's wiping the come off. Oh, she blew it to completion
Oh, yeah, yeah, I've never successfully done that. Yeah, but I was younger the gun was new
I feel like the gun was way newer. Yeah. Yeah
Loser causing
Issues now with this. No, yeah, I tried so hard on his birthday
I understand that I understand that and I said I would jerk off the rest
I was like, I'll take it from here, but she hurt she took an hour. Oh
After 20 minutes on your 50th birthday, I know you were sweating your hands were wet. It was terrible
Yeah, so anyway, it's dedication. So she's full group. She blows me and she's done and I want to go
You want to go have breakfast or whatever because I always like to do that. You're so sweet. So sweet and she goes
Blow him did
She looks at her to blow warlock
Yeah, right and my heart went and did she yeah
And I had breakfast on my own
That's the real sad
That's a sad part. Yeah, yeah, still I'm still getting back
Yeah, yeah, and so she did that broke my heart
But so you never got any back then. No, I never got any and then there's like one time I was in I think I was in like
Dayton, Ohio or something and
Caparillo was with us and
That's friends after the show someone goes
Some girls were talking to cap and the cap was like hey these girls want to go
Want us to meet him at this club and I'm like, oh, all right
Thinking like hey, maybe this will work me and cap just the two biggest players out
Two of the most regular white dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
And so we go to this club and we get there and it's the girls and their boy friends and I'm like
Oh, this makes way more sense that they were just like on the road friends owning us
Yeah, and so we hung out for like 10 minutes. I'm like dude. We got to get the fuck out of here
I don't want to just hang out with normal people. Yeah, and so then we went back and I
Walked up to my hotel room and I opened the door and Tarell was just slaying it
All right. Oh, you're working. I just share a room with them. Oh my god. It just goes. Oh, man
I forgot to lock it. Sorry, bro, and I'm just like
Wow, yeah, and then I walked over to Caparillo's room. I'm like, hey, can I hang out in here?
Tarell's with that chick and he was like big dick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I mean frightening. Maybe I shouldn't stay in the room
Bigger dick than Leslie Jones. Way big
When Tarell hit me up later to tell me that he was done. He was like the text he sent me was like
Bro, I'm finished up. Sorry. You had to see me lay in a yard and a half a dick. Oh
Oh, wow, that's a cool thing to say. Yeah. Yeah, I've never said that out loud before. No
We've talked about on you on the comedy store podcast, but I apologize
About New York. No apology. No. I know what happened
Well
Freddy's Freddy Lockhart, you know Freddy Lockhart. I'm familiar. Yes. He's a friend of yours. Yeah, he is Freddy goes dude
Can Rick host for you in New York?
And I go alright and Freddy by the way, Freddy's playing every every angle of this
He hits me up and he's like dude Bobby wants you to open for
Wow, and I'm like really that's clever. Yeah, and he's like, yeah, it's great. We're we got to set up
We're gonna go. It's like six nights or something. I'm just like sweet six nights in New York
I go, what are we doing? Where are we staying? Oh, we got a room and I'm like, oh, okay
Yeah, but what was that room? He was just renting a basement room in a brownstone in Harlem and
Terrible, right? It was terrifying cold. It was cold. There was just a communal shower
I mean, it was literally like a dungeon and some brownstone and it was so at that time his stomach hurt bad
Yeah, like how bad I?
I was
vomiting
Four to ten times every day double dragon. Yeah, well not quite, but it was more just a double-drag
That's where you're shitting and shitting and throwing I wasn't shitting because I do I couldn't get a double dragon
Yeah, nothing would process that for him for it double drag double drag. I've done it
Right, so you were double dragging it sure you show up at the club. Yep, and I see you
I don't know you that well. This is 15 years ago
Yeah, about 15 and I go get up you little pussy. Yeah, I
Was he was on the ground. I was so sick. I was laying on a concrete floor
Backstage at a comedy club. There was just filthy filthy, but my body was overheating so much
I needed the coolness of the concrete
He were dieting you were dying of hepatitis and you were basically and you told him to get up
Yeah, but I didn't fuck fuck man. I didn't know nothing. Yeah, but no hepatitis or no nothing man
I just thought he had a bad bad burrito. Yeah, but
Still I know that's what I did was wrong and
This is the last time I apologize for he's apologized. I apologize for a thousand times
Yeah, I'm doing it again. Right. Yeah, your little belly had the diabetes. There's no there's no reason to apologize
I'm a little baby where you were sick like a little baby, huh? What I kicked you a couple times. What happened, baby?
listen, it's
This is a very I reversed it. I reversed it. I reversed it. Yeah, you did. I'm gonna. I'm not going down on this one
Yeah, right little baby. Yeah, you're tom-tom
our relationship at that point
Was basically just you harassing me. Yeah, I know I'm sorry, but I mean that it wasn't like it's so when so you got so
That then I what did I do for you though? Uh, so what while when I'm sick like that?
Uh, I had unchecked diabetes. I didn't know I was dying. Oh
My body was going through ketoacidosis. Yes, and I was
Really dangerous by the way if you go into DKA
That is a very that is like a critical thing someone goes through. You can that was a game
We used to play as a kid. What ketoacidosis ketoacidosis. Yeah, real fun. That is dangerous
I didn't know the information. You didn't know I didn't even I didn't know so I just was sick a lot and
So the only thing that would make my stomach would start spasming real bad
And so if I took a sip of water, I'd throw up a sip of water. Oh, and so
The only thing that would calm it down was if I took like a scalding hot bath or shower
And it would make my muscles relax enough to where I would at least stop vomiting
And so I'm telling Bobby and he's like, well, why didn't you do that? I'm like because we're staying in a basement in Harlem
And there's a communal shower and I can't just what am I what did I do for a little baby, baby?
Poppy
What a puppy. I think you pop
gave me his hotel key and said
Skip the rest of the show go do what you need to do take care of yourself because I care
Is he care about people? Yeah, I work with that's right and my employees
So what I did for this guy was I go go to my nice fancy hotel room and take a nice bath
Yeah, and I found little tiny brown pubic hairs all over that bathtub. I don't know if that's true or not
It's not no
It's not true at all
Because I don't shed them. I keep I know they stay right where they are. So how long after?
New York did you find out that you legit at me had?
It was probably
I don't know six months to a year after that. I finally was diagnosed correctly. I just been misdiagnosed for years
Oh my so I I didn't develop. I have type 1 diabetes. I didn't develop it till I was older
So I think the doctors I was seeing thought I was too old to have type one is type one
Is usually a kid. Yeah, it's juvenile diabetes. What they used to call it. That's hilarious. So yeah
I developed juvenile diabetes at 25. That's hilarious. Yeah, and and then I was I wasn't fat enough
For them to think I had type 2 basically. Mm-hmm. So
yeah, so I finally went into diabetic shock and
Spent seven days the ICU and that's how I found out
You died pretty close. Are you being real? Yeah? Yeah
That is so dangerous. So you were in a hospital for seven days on a deathbed
I was in the ICU for four and a half days and then two more days in the shitty part of the
Hospital in Burbank, and I mean people must have been so concerned
I mean like the people who like I was close to just had basically accepted that I was just sick all the time
It was probably three or four years just being sick always
Yeah, and it would come in ways or sometimes it was way worse than other times and I'm sure it was all based on diet
And you know, I didn't know how they misdiagnosed that for so long. Couldn't they just do like a
They could routine they checked your sugar. They could have just literally done a blood test
Yeah, they could have done any of those things, but they didn't and I was going to doctors
I didn't have insurance. So I was paying out of pocket and
Going to specialists for the wrong things basically
That's kind of when I learned like if if you go to the wrong doctor
Then they're probably going to diagnose you with something and it's probably not going to be right
Oh, so like since I had stomach problems was my main issue
I went and saw a gastrointestinologist. Yeah, and he gave me a bunch of bullshit about oh, this is what I have and started
Listing them off. I'm like damn and then I was scary
I googled it and like half of them were like, this is not a real condition. I'm like, does he not know I have Google?
But oh really? Yeah, you have that little apparatus to get out of your stomach, too. What does that do? Yeah, this is my
Dexcom it just tells me my blood sugar
Well, you know what dude? I'm so glad that you discovered that I think I told you you might have diabetes in Caroline's but it's it's possible
Yeah, yeah, I don't recall anything else. What's the pain? That's fine. You predicted it. Yeah, I think I said you know it's coming
Yeah, it's a rocker. It's the only diagnosis, you know, how do I say that again kid's a racerosis. Well, you know, I said, oh
I
Before we continue I have to figure out how to pronounce this word keto keto
acid acid
Osis
Kitto acidosis. Yes. That's what you had. Yeah, that's bad. Can I ask you a little side note, too?
Yeah, I've always wanted to ask you you don't seem like you fuck that girl probably not I bet yeah
I mean, I've never had anyone make to differ guys shape like Rick always have the biggest six
That's not what I said though, but but I
Oh, he's a I believe you're you're arguing that you're both right
We're both right. Yeah, we're both right when it's so big you kind of don't have to do a lot of work
I know but I think I'm just saying that yeah privately, right?
We if with his wife, I'm sure it's great time. I'm just saying that as an ex that tempo
That's that was a great time. I'm just saying a lot of slapping. I wouldn't pay to watch it is what I'm saying
Yeah, he's not a good performer. Do you think people would pay to watch you 100%?
I think I'd be the number one on go fund me
I'm starting to go fun me to put that out
Yeah, I'm gonna say this about you. Yeah, and please don't take offense to this
I probably this is huge. Congratulations. I probably won't someone for someone with such an average size penis
You do not do a lot of work
You should be doing a lot more
What's for how average your penis size is effort would be you know appreciated it sounds like
Like you should be eating pussy
Okay, can I say this? Yeah
If a magical man showed up my door, right and
He's wearing a blue suit. He has a little tag that says NFL
Okay, right. He shows up at my door. I'm a commissioner for the NFL. Okay. I don't know how it works
Yeah, I go. Thanks. You need you lost. No, I'm here for you. What is it?
We we want you to be the new running back
Right for the LA Rams. Okay, right from the Commission. I got all right. I'll do it
Now I'm at starting right. Yeah, my size. You know me big guys. I
Take the ball
Did they hand it off to me? Yeah, and before I do that the quarterback goes to the back. Just do it
Try your best, you know, I mean fuck good
basic is what he said
I'm never I'm gonna go two feet and I'm dead, right? So it's like it was sex. I don't there's no
I try to figure it out
Shut the fuck up. I want to make this analogy work. So
I want him to give us his interpretation of what you just said and we'll keep continuing. All right. All right
So that's far. Yeah. Yeah, just to be clear
All right, well when you're trying to fuck there's 11 giant do
Preventing you from
succeeding at
It's very confused
It's so funny. That's I didn't go hot hike. There's no everybody else there
All right, it's not a fucking get my point is that are you doing okay? Go ahead. Keep on go ahead
You're doing tryouts. You're just tryouts right now. No, what I'm saying is is that even what I'm saying is I'm gonna get to
The clear right here. Don't make that face. I just I don't like your face right now
Sorry, sorry, sorry because I know I'm not gonna be able to clear this up clear it
But I'm gonna give a shot right what I'm saying is is that even if I know how to play be running back
This is not and I do the best I can I show them all my moves ice. There's nothing I can do, right?
That's just what God gave me. There's nothing you can do in sex too, right? It's the same thing
It's like I'm doing the best I can right for what God gave me
But it's still not good enough for you. Do you think that fame has made you a
Worst lover 100%
Yeah, why it's just you don't have you feel like you don't have to do a lot of work
You're out there with that star dick. Yes. It's start it. Oh
Dilemma. Yeah, it's a stardick. Yeah, to you mentally. It's an honor
Anytime someone else gets to play the game. No, no, that's not it
You you're telling you're basically looking me in the eyes and you should be so thankful you're mounting me
No, that's not it. He's a starting running back of the LA around
No, when I was younger, right
When you don't have comedy a dream when you have you don't make a lot of money
You know me you don't know what you do with what I want to do with your life
You're in your early 20s and then you have that, you know, I mean that early 20s horniness, right?
It's all you think about. Yeah, right. So back then it's like
It was my I was also sober, right for at that time 12 years of my 20s all through my 20s
I was sober
so when you don't have a drug when you don't have and
Sex and being we being with women becomes your number one thing, right?
So when I went when I was in bed with women, it was almost as like it was like a God like
a experiment almost like I'm I want to
Make them think that I'm the biggest Casanova. It's all about them not me and as you get older
It becomes more about you because you have other things. I don't know what I'm talking about today. I like it
Why sex is just not the number one thing for you. It used to be the number one thing. It's no longer the number one thing
I think that's what you're reading
Do you still fuck a lot?
All I do 24 hours a day. It's fuck. Let's just get out there
With your wife two kids. Yeah, you know, I just say hey, you're one now go play
It's time to me because it's like I never thought of you being a father or having kids and you did all that
Yeah, that's amazing. I hear you're a good father. Yeah, I try to be yeah, you're there all the time
Yeah, I watch the kids all day and she works. Uh-huh Wow
Oh, yeah, so you know everything about your kids. I do. Yeah
And they must you love you so much. I think they enjoy me. You know, they definitely see me as like the
The one that's gonna, you know
My one-year-old for instance wakes up in the morning and he just screams dad-ah
Until I go and take him out like he knows I'm gonna be the one that's gonna come get him. Oh
What a wonderful human experience
Do you ever do what Rick does excuse me? Could you ever do that 100% if I'm in a room and I hear anyone
No, saying daddy, right? Even if it wasn't my kid. I'm there. Okay, cuz you're you're a comic, right?
So you don't go up until the nighttime. Yeah, so let's suppose I
I'm working during the day which is like Bobby
You have to care for the kids during from these out this hour, you know from 9 a.m. To 5 p.m.
Yeah, I come home. Yeah, and then I take over. Uh-huh. Would you be able to that and I'll call Samantha?
Who's Samantha my night nurse? It's not nighttime day nurse
I have a day nurse and Bobby's on the right plan when I told people I have kids they go
Can can you afford a nanny? I got I don't have a nanny. I just take care of them. They're like look at me like oh
Wow, this is Los Angeles. You don't have kids until someone else can take care of them. Oh, wow. Yeah, you're doing it old school
Yeah, I'm old school. Yeah, but necessity, but yeah, you hit you don't hit them. Do you? No
My parents didn't even hit me. That's how I wanted you want to you want to I don't okay good. No other people's kids for sure
Yeah, yeah, no my kids are cool. Oh, so you never were hit never
Yeah, I mean, you know people I definitely think feel I could have used a few wax from time to time
I don't think so dude. That's how you raise a person with integrity. Yeah, I think you have it could be I do
Here's another thing people don't know about you. I think that you're one of the best rifers out there
And I want to learn
You want to learn how to rip? Yeah, because I've never learned how to rip, right? Let's play it out. So let's play it out
How do you riff? So
Let's say I'm in the audience. Okay, right. You're on stage
Yeah, and I go
You suck
Uh-huh. What would you say? I'd go
Go get this guy the fuck out of here. Oh
No, that's not true. Take him out of the room. Yeah. Um, no, you just if someone is aggressive like that
Then you just you go twice as aggressive right adam because you're so good at that. You're so mean in in a good way
Yeah, you gotta you know
I look at performing comedy like it's joining the military and that's you sacrifice
one
For the good of many
So if you have to attack one or you find two or three
Enemies in the crowd and then you make it about how the rest of us are against them
And that way people don't take their side ever. Yeah, and you can't you can't attack women
Unless the woman starts shouting or acting intoxicated and then everyone in the world hates them and then you
Extra hard at them, right, but you can't go after someone that doesn't say anything
I mean you can it just depends if people think you're truly being a bully
You'll lose some of the crowd, but if they think you're
Being mean to someone who's probably a piece of shit, then they go
I'm glad someone's finally saying it. Yeah, because what I've done on stage is I'll see somebody in the front row
And I did this last week, which is not good
And I go there was this guy with you know, he's big face in the front row
And I go look at your fat cheeks and I poked his cheek. Yeah, right and as I
Took my finger away. You could feel the skin go back. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah, right. So I made a little thing one like that and I backed up and looked his face and he was like
Oh
Sad face
And I kind of looked away
That's the that's the key. That's not good. Once once you do something that's mean or the crowd is an NT
You just got to move on as quickly as possible
I know but one of my pointers is that you when you're an audience member you should understand that like anything goes, right?
If I poke your you mean
And then then if anything goes then okay, let's suppose I'm in the crowd. You're doing a set, right? Yeah
Yeah, like you're a fat cunt Bobby. Yeah, what would you say now? Do I know you or no? No, it's galila
Yeah, you live with me
She has to be fucked up
Yeah, don't do that
Don't ever do that. That would make me so mad if you did that
Really? Yeah, there's my girlfriend again. I don't know what I think if it was a normal person
I would just be like I think I would just agree. Yeah, okay. You're just like, I know
Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Thank someone says something really insulting. Yeah, just take it with pride
I think because I know I'm a piece of shit
Do you feel like a piece of shit? Yeah. Yeah
I think deep down the stage on when I'm on stage deep down the side. I mean
I feel like I'm a piece of shit, right? And so I attack people
You know, I mean as a defense mechanism to keep people away, right?
But when somebody actually does say something personal on stage like a comics can really get me
You know, I mean, there's a two or three things that a comic can say to me that will ruin my week
Like I won't I'll lose sleep over it. Yeah. Yeah, no no reason for that. No, but I have
Sense that you do you have sensitive spots?
I maybe I don't know. I think you do people don't say anything to me though
like people in general
They either don't say anything at all or you know, they they'll just bring up one thing that they liked that I said
You're beloved. No, he's an anomaly in the sense that like in terms of fashion, too
Obviously very stylish. I have a closet full of mossy moe
I'm not
I don't want to brag. I've got I probably have eight or nine mossy moe teas
Various v. Please wear one one night. I I think I wore one two nights ago. Did you really fuck? Yeah, all right
I didn't know that. Yeah, people but so this is Rick. So I'm gonna write
Just you know, if you
30 years from now if no one ever
Mentioned your name again. Never saw you again and somebody goes what impression am I doing?
I go that's ricking around. That's it
Yeah, I just see you standing there
Yeah, I mean mind your own business. Yeah, right. You don't say much sometimes. Yeah, you're quiet
But then you go on stage
And you rip it. Yeah
You're like a fucking
Ripper dude people have told me it's very unassuming when I get on stage like that's not what I thought
No, it's gonna be at all. Did you know this too people call
In and they go, I don't want to follow him. Yeah, no, I've done that on a monday work
You know, I'll all week. I don't want to follow Rick
And then they do it. But my point is that other comics did that too. Yeah, they used to screw me pretty bad
In uh, like the tommy era. Yeah
There was six or seven comics who
Just put out there. They won't go up after me
And so my spots just kept getting later later
Like everyone else as they got better their spots got better
mine just started slowly dwindling towards the back of the lineup
And then eventually got to the point that I he would just put me on the side
Oh, it would just say pop in
And I would be like, why do I have a pop in because it was it was basically only used like if you're working on a tonight show set
Yeah, you'd put you in a poppin. So I go, why am I doing a pop in and you'd be like, wow
I had too many people complaining. So I had to put you on the side. So I know the right time to fit you in
And so it was like even though the lineup was set
That half the comics would show up late
And so he didn't want there to be a chance that I would get up earlier
And then caparillo or someone would show up
You know 30 minutes later than they're supposed to but then have to go up after me
Yeah, there's all these like internal little squabbles
Especially with lineups. It's such an interesting little
Thing where there are people bitch and complain and it's only like
Especially when you're a regular and you call in week by week and you don't get any spots. I don't know
were you ever there
Was I ever in the last 10 years were you ever like months go by and you didn't get a spot? No, yeah
I've always gotten spots. Yeah, I could imagine not getting them. Yeah, I think I I don't know what I would do
I remember when it switched from Tommy to Adam
The amount of times that you harass poor Adam Egett because he wouldn't let you double dip
Oh, yeah
I mean poor guy what he what kind of phone calls he has to field on on a daily basis
I mean
It's probably the most thankless job. Yeah, just gotta be terrible
Imagine being I would be great at it. But I know because you you're okay with saying no to people. Yeah
Yeah, I'm constantly telling I told Emily a couple weeks ago
I used to tell Adam all the time just get me on the payroll as assistant talent coordinator
And I'll handle just the negative calls
Really, I don't want to call anyone to say here your spots. I don't want to call anyone to say, you know, great job
I just want to call people and go
Stop calling. We don't have stage time for you
Let me ask you this. Okay. Let's say I'm let's say my name is bruce mcfizzans
Legend
Legendary bruce mcfizzans. Yeah bruce mcfizzans from corpus christi. Sure, right in the early 80s, right bruce mcfizzans, right?
Yeah, co-hosted the late late late show. Yeah, right, which it was on three in the morning. Yep. He was after tom snider
Right after tom snider, right?
bruce mcfizzans
bruce mcfizzans, what
What the worst fake name of all time. No, there's a vnz in it. Yeah, fuck you man. He's fucking foreign
It's tough. He's from europe, dude. Yeah, he's from bruce mcfizzans, right? He's scottish. Yeah, and so he you know
Signed with a big agency was on a sitcom now. It's rolling into the early 90s. Okay late 90s
He's not getting that much very still very funny on stage. Yeah, you have to call him
To say you can't perform ever again at the store. Yeah
You'll be able to do that. Yeah make the call
Ring ring bruce. Hey, it's rick at the comedy store. Hey dawdick
Uh, hey dawdick, is that you? Yeah, it's me man. Listen. Oh my god. It's the other night when you're on stage
Yeah, listen, hold on. Let me say something right bruce. I don't got time for this
I just want to say when you're on stage. Yeah, I suck. Oh, you got this rich a prior white guy. Very good. Yeah, listen
We all agree. I love you. Me and my family love it when we break we we break none. Yeah, we break none
You break non bread non bread. Yeah, I'm Indian. Oh, okay first McPherson from india
You can't tell I'm doing an indian accent. I thought it was scottish. Yeah, I didn't know. Anyway, he's from scotland too as well
Yeah, okay, any
Anyway, so why you call it? Listen, man. I'm calling because it's been a hell of a run, man
And you very good run. Yeah, you've done very run run run like the olympic
And I just want to let you know. I think the laugh factory is the place for you. We're done here
We don't have time for it anymore, man. No one wants this this crazy foreigner act, man
What about my bid take a cue for what about my bid about a bomb buy? Yeah, take a cue from yakov schmirnoff, man
Branson is buying
Like when yakov show showed up. Yeah again
I like it. Yeah, don't you like it? Yeah, yakov's like a super nice dude
Most of the dudes from the 80s that were around when I showed up were all huge douches
And they all still had that mentality like it's 1988 and I just did a
Evening at the improv and I'm still doing the same jokes from evening at the improv in 88. Yeah
And like it was baffling when I started working there
I couldn't believe one like the lineups. I'm like, I knew two or three of the people and the other people
I'm like, who the fuck are these people? Yeah, and then I watched them
And I mean, I knew enough about comedy, but I didn't realize that they were going to all do
the exact same act
Every night you're talking about my act
You don't have any jokes that are from the 1980s that don't translate to make sense
Like all right. So if I'm talking about uh, how it's a diana died. Yeah
Oh, I see. Yeah, that's how I should where you're just like what like argus was doing oj jokes in 2005
That's right. And it was like really good oj jokes
Top notch. Yeah, just so confusing where I'm like, what the fuck is he? Well, oj's in the news
No, he isn't do you remember
Do you know an argus hamilton oj joke?
God, I can't even remember it now
And I've thought about this and I love him too. Do you love him? Yeah argus is great. Yeah, anyone that can
Hang around that long is all right by me. And he's a nice guy. He saved my life a couple of times. Yeah, I love him, but um
At least he's writing jokes. Yeah, he is writing jokes
So they're not always great, but at least he's writing him
But is there something that can happen in your career where you went? Okay, that's enough. I'm done
I mean
It's hard to say. I don't know. I like I feel like I'll always want to perform
But at the same time, you don't want to be the sad dude that everyone talks about but that's our destiny
It probably is
I mean, I think at the end of the day, that's our destiny. At least you get to perform elsewhere if you choose
I mean, I legitimately can't get a spot at a single other club
That's why that's why that's why you're here. I know. Okay. That's why you're here. I'm that's
How long have I told you about this? I love I want this guy on this show
You know a long time. Yeah, people will send me clips and be like bobby lee talked about you
And it's always nice. It's always nice. I never say anything because I was ready to start a war
No, no, you wouldn't I think you would I think you would I think you would absorb it
Oh, yeah, I'd be like, okay
If I said something negative you would absorb it it would turn into like some sort of weird disease later
It'd be most likely. Yeah, I would I would get type 3 diabetes
Yeah, but I want to get that bobby
I want to say that like, you know, in I know that bill burr
Me saratiana
There's just a bunch of us that look at you and I go and go and this is the last time I'm going to say it
But go why isn't this guy?
Bigger the biggest thing. I honestly think that you have that skill level
As a yeah, your point of view is right for me
um, anyway
Yeah, I just I think you should be able to mock whatever
Needs to be mocked and I don't know that that's something that
The current climate is comfortable with. Yeah. So like people will always talk about like
I'll be talking to a black dude in the audience and I'll say stuff that you can see like
26 year old white women get very uncomfortable. Yeah, and then the black dude and I are having a great time
He's laughing everyone's having fun and then afterwards people will be like, dude, weren't you scared? I'm like, no
Yeah, I wasn't making fun of the guy for being black. I was making fun of the black guy because he's an asshole
And that should be okay. I've never had actually a black person be offended. No, they very rarely are
Like I've said the most fucked up things and looked at black people and they're just into it
Because they get it. It's just these
It's the whites. It's the people that I'm uh, I'm now in charge of that's to you. Yeah. Yeah, you're in charge of it now
So I'm gonna tell him cut this shit out like Thanksgiving at the at in the main room. Yeah was just
Well Thanksgiving white hair. Yeah old people like what are we Thanksgiving is a horrible time for stand-up comedy at the comedy store
It is the worst because it was so hard crowds are
mostly people who are visiting and
it's uh
It's usually one person that lives here and then family that's come out to visit them
And so they have different senses of humor and people are very uncomfortable being true to what makes them laugh
So normally on a random day in July, you're gonna have
You know group of four come in their friends. They're watching you perform
You say something that's inappropriate. They're gonna laugh because it's funny
But they come in Thanksgiving weekend with their mom and dad and their uncle Larry and a couple of their cousins
Now they can't laugh because if they laugh at something fucked up, you say, yeah
Now they're gonna go. Oh my dad saw me laugh at Bobby Lee say this or that
Yeah, so everyone's just no one's being true to themselves, but it's not just not laughing. It's
of visceral hatred
Like I was on stage and there was an old white man who looked like
He should have pins like metals
Right, and he and a caller that has like little
What do you call it? You know how John Luke Picard has it?
Like a purple heart. Yeah little metals on their neck
Oh metals
What'd I say?
I thought you I thought like a metal piece like a fucking shrapnel
You know when they see the ID and it explodes, you know, they have shrapnel on their faces, you know
A piece of a grenade
Yeah, and lodged in their eye
No, I was thinking like maybe like
You know, I think maybe like a pick line
You know when someone's really sick, you said an old white man. So I was like, oh, no, maybe it's
One of his pick line Bobby
Yeah, anyway, it's these Christian
Oh, fuck it man. I mean, it's like what are you saying?
You absolutely should make fun of old white men with cancer treatment. I think that's 100% on the board
Let's do what they've done to this country. What to this world. Yeah, these old whites. Yeah, yeah
The olds the whites they got to go. I'm a down with that
You know, but the but the new but you have a problem with new whites as well
Yeah
Yeah, the new age whites. Yeah, I don't like the new age the younger new age whites
Listen the problem with young young people in general anyone who's 35 or younger
So 35 to 21 because otherwise they can't really get into comedy clubs
They have spent their whole life with this false morality based completely on their social media appearance
And so people aren't true to themselves
At all
It used to be you'd say fucked up things to like your seven or eight friends and your friends would know you're kind of fucked up
But it would be fine
But now everyone just wants to appear to be something
So, you know every time a celebrity dies
Every person on earth was so inspired by that person
And it'll be like the strangest
like
When prince died and prince was an amazing musician
But I never heard anyone talking about how influential prince was in their life
Yeah, until the moment he died. Yeah, and then everyone is just like my god
I could still think of the first time I heard a prince song. You're like, yeah, it was an hour ago when you got out of his debt
Yeah, you're so full of shit. Yeah
But it's like prince is a bad example. I guess because he was actually beloved, but yeah, you somebody else maybe
Yeah, there's just a lot of this house. You can talk about how about um, milley from milly vanillie. Yeah
People will people will just did they both inspired? I think one of them's alive. Yeah, he was doing gyco commercials or something
Oh, no, really? Oh, that's so sad, but happy for him. Good for him. Yeah, good for him. Yeah
I mean he was being mocked in it, but it was like how did one of them die?
I
Think I think jumped off of
He jumped off a building. I think I mean that's my mom would call it sweet side
Yeah, I like and there was an old joke when he did that right where people in the audience like people were down there
Yelling are you gonna get are you gonna jump or are you gonna get somebody to jump for you? Damn
Cold
No, but a good joke. Well, I didn't say it right number one. I fucked it up
I didn't number one. I didn't say it right number two. It just sounded mean
And it's not it was like the poking the cheek. Not only that it's like I didn't even say the words right like I fumbled it
So I fucked up the joke. Can I get another shot at it? Yeah. Yeah
um
No, I'll fuck it. I'm gonna look that up nilly vanillie. Did he dad are you gonna jump or you got someone else?
See, I fucked up
Hey, are you gonna jump are you gonna get someone else to jump for you? Yeah, that's better. That's better. Thank you
Uh, politis was found dead of a suspected alcohol and prescription drug overdose in a hotel room. Oh, well, the joke doesn't even fucking
Yeah, it doesn't even work. It doesn't even fuck it. What there was no job
But I guarantee the name on that pill bottle was someone else's
Too far. Yeah, no, that's a too far. Oh, perfect amount. Yeah, perfect perfect amount. Yeah, um
So from now, so you you don't do the road at all either
Wait, I just read that the real millie vanillie singer died of coveted like this week
The one who actually sang on the on the song was prescription. Yeah
Oh, you died. Yes, the real
He died of covet. Yes. He died of covet. Mm-hmm. You never got it, right? His name was john davis
You never got the coves. I never got I never got the vids
Yeah, I just I literally went in my house and I would go to the grocery store
Or early in the morning and then I'd go home and I didn't go do anything
I don't have anything to do. You know what dude? I want to get to the point our bar relationship where
If there's another pandemic
And you have nothing going on
That you and I should have go get a coffee or something. Yeah, I'd never done that with you. No
If I could never called you about anything. Nope
Yeah, I think I want to you know, you've always been very nice to me to my face
But I feel like you keep me afar
That's everybody. Yeah, I feel like he has a you know what dude, and I'm okay. Yeah, you know what you're right
You're absolutely right. Yeah, I do keep people afar
And I think I'm a changed man. You think so. I don't think I'm gonna do it anymore
I don't think you're gonna like people once you know, I think I'm gonna like you
I think there's a I think it was a 20 year analysis. Yeah about your demeanor. Sure that I've analyzed over the years
And consensus is what does the data say a minus a minus not bad b plus. Yeah, let's go b plus that b. Yeah, let's go strong b
Feel better. Yeah
Yeah, listen people who get a's those people are pretentious. They are b's are really the way to go
I'd like people know you're a real human, but you're smarter than most people
Can't you go on the road with Eleanor and do a comedy store?
I don't think we have a popular enough
Following or let's you know my next goal. Let's let's just come on man. Let's this next year. Yeah, let it be the rick ingram
year 2022
Can we help rick ingram get to that place where I would because as a comic I don't feel
Comfortable with you not killing it. Yeah, I think you should I want you to get the shit. Thanks. Yeah
That would be nice. Can we start with the social media push? Yeah, go ahead like right now. He's at four
Let's get him at 10k
All right, so we'll follow him back as well. Well, let's follow him back
Start there, right? I'm gonna. Yeah. Yeah, so um, there's me with Harvey Weinstein. Yeah
Harvey Weinstein is a good one. Yeah, you want that one up top, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
All right, so let's get rick to 10 grand
10,000 followers. Yeah, right and if you're listening from instagram, let's verify him
Yeah, I'm unverified on everything. Yeah. Yeah, people go. Why are you not verified? I go
Am I supposed to call someone? I don't know. Yeah
I think you're I think you're supposed to have management that handles that for you rick. You have
a thing that
um, I have
Which is I don't like asking for things. Yeah, I won't do it
I know
I know you won't
but
I think you should
That's what people are telling me more people are saying you got to start asking for stuff because I ask for stuff all the time
Yeah, right and
It sucks to do it
like I've
Like I'll hear about a movie people are doing and I'll call and go
Is there anything there for me?
And my agent will go we already asked they said no, right? But you have to make those sometimes
You get it. Yeah, but sometimes I get it. Yeah, sometimes I make the call and I go, you know what?
Yeah, I think you're in the mix now and you know, yes, I don't but I don't I don't have I've never had a manager
I've never had an eight. Oh, I had a manager for about three weeks and uh, what happened?
He he was an assistant to a manager at Prince Apato and young and uh, I remember just being like this is cool
I was like 24 25 or something at the time
And uh, he was like, yeah, we're gonna start sending you out and this and that I'm like great
So he he didn't call me for like two weeks. I called him every couple days just being like, hey, what's the deal?
And they be like, we'll have him call you. It's brutal. Yeah
And uh, so then he calls me and he said, uh, we got an audition for you. You're perfect for it. It's for a drug addict
I'm like, oh, okay
I'll do drug addict. Yeah
He said it's uh, it's in somewhere in the somewhere in the valley is an Encino or something
And uh, it's for the pilot for this new tv show. I'm just like, okay, whatever. That's cool. Cool
So I said, you know, do you have
Sides for me?
um, I've been doing commercial auditions for a few years at that point, but I was excited this is going to be my first tv show audition
and uh, so I show up at the audition I walk in the room and I look around and it's me and
I want to say 12
very Hispanic men
And I'm like, what do you mean? How Hispanic?
Like they just they look very legitimately blue collar Mexican
And I'm like Johnny Sanchez. Yeah, and I'm like, okay, this is weird and they're all larger than me. I'm just like whatever. Okay
Give it a little glaceous. The lady goes
That's my that's my demographic. That's who I'm always up against
They go, uh, I go
I'm here. I'm playing a drug addict and she goes. I don't think you're supposed to be here for this and I go
Oh, this is what I was told
and she goes
I'm not sure what your manager told you, but um, this part is for a 35 year old Hispanic crystal meth addict
And I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah, I guess that's not really me
Oh, man. Um, and I go, well, should I read it anyway? And she goes if I send you into that room
They're gonna laugh in your and my face. I cannot send you in there. I'm like, all right
So I'm looking at the script just like I feel like an asshole because I drove all the way over there
And it was to play the part of crazy eight on the Breaking Bad pilot
Oh
That was the part and like a dude who was a legitimate
Crystal meth feeling gangster. All right, let me let's stop there. Yeah, okay
What a cross of all that manager whoever that person did that right she should be fired
Well, I called them to to read them the riot act because you know, I felt personally
Slighted and I'm like fuck this guy. Yeah, so I call him and I go I need to talk to him
They said he's not in right now. I go. He's never in
Have him call me. I need to talk to him. So week goes by. I don't hear from him
So I call back. I'm just like I go. What the fuck is the deal? I need to talk to him and they go
I'm gonna patch you through to
I think his name is like
Joel Zadik or something. Yeah
And uh, and that was the guy he worked under and so I go. Yeah, what's the deal man? He goes
Yeah, he's uh, he's not with us anymore
And uh, so that's why he didn't call you back because we know we didn't keep him on board and I go
Oh, well that makes sense because that's the role he auditioned. Yeah, that's that's the guy
Same demo
Just same archetype and honestly, that's so fucking funny
I'm pretty confident about my acting that I would have crushed that part for sure
But that's my point though. It's like in situations if they would have let you read. Yeah
That's when you in your head go, right?
You think I'm not gonna get this
I might as well go crazy
Nothing to lose. Yeah, nothing to lose. Yeah, maybe they'll put me in for something else
Right. There was plenty of you squirrelly white guys in that show. Yeah, right. So whenever you're in that situation
You have to go in. Yeah, and go crazy. Yeah, that's what Ed Norton did for that one movie primal fear. Oh, yeah
Really? Yeah, so they couldn't find anybody for that part
So they went to New York and they did an opening casting
Like you could they just did it on fucking buildings and telephone poles. He shows up. He waits eight hours
In like a there's a thousand people audition. Yeah, and he's sitting there going
I'm not gonna get this obviously. No one knows who I am. I'm gonna go
I'm gonna make hard choices
Like distinct hard choices and he fucking booked it. Wow. Yeah. Yeah
It's just this theater actor
Yeah, kid. You know what I mean? So make sure you go in. So at the end of our podcast by the way
Thank you so much. You were great at the end of our podcast
We do a thing called unhelpful advice. Nice. And so they ask us questions
Okay, and then we answer them or not
Or give them bad answers. Whatever you want. Who's who's asking us
email
Okay
email
What's up
Yeah, I have I have two podcasts. I have a new podcast
I'm doing called Rick Ingram talks to strangers that I talked to just random people who
Send us direct messages on Twitter or Instagram
And if you want to be a guest, you can send us a message there. Tell us why you're interesting. It's great. Forget it
And yeah, so we get a lot of fun people because people on social media are
Interesting to say the least and then I also host the comedy store podcast
The comedy store podcast I do. I've done 10 times. Maybe I love it. Yeah, I love you and Eleanor together. Yeah
Couple of shit talkers. Yeah, I was glad to referee your guys's friendship
Bearing the hatchet. I know the very first time me and Eleanor squashed it out
Rick was there. I'm so glad you did because I couldn't love Eleanor more. Yeah, she's great. I love her
I honestly had never seen two adults just be like
Let's just talk about it in a more like healthy way. Yeah, it was very healthy and Bobby was very defensive
He kept standing up the first time we did the thing we'd be like well, hold on
I stand up a lot. Yeah, it's like when a bear approaches you they they say you have to appear bigger smart
So that's why I'm doing big bear moves. Yeah. Yeah
So yeah, that was an interesting thing because I you know, I hadn't talked to her in many in probably 20 years
And I hate it or more than Stalin. Yeah. Damn
By the way, Stalin one of my comedy influence. That's why I knew that so people respect fear more than love
My number one pulpot. Sure. Sure. Let me vlog the impaler and then Stalin. Yeah
Those are all good ones. They're really good. But yeah, that was a very
Um, I love big ol L. Yeah, that's what I call her big ol L big. Oh, it's like a little moose
Yeah, I mean, yeah, when I seek big ol L at the Congress for parking lot, I go moo moo to you L
I've never seen you do that. I know I'm not one anyway to the unhelpful of us
Unhelpful advice with Rick Ingram
Hey guys, my name is Rachel. I'm 21 years old
I wouldn't say necessarily need advice but today I found out that my boyfriend of five years has been cheating on me
For around the last year, give or take. I watched his podcast because of him
So I know he'll probably see this if it makes the cut
If you guys would be so obliged to help me shit on him and remind him what an awful no good son of a bitch he is
What would make my heart smile? I held this man down while he went to jail my junior year of high school
He went to jail her junior year of high school? Yeah
And I found out he was cheating after returning home from a Thanksgiving family vacation that I invited him on with my grandmother
He also got his other girlfriend pregnant multiple times while being with me at the same time
I think he may be a psychopath so feel free to rip into him. I'm sure it won't hurt him
Kalilah you my main bitch. Thank you for your help
Wow
I assume this guy looks like machine machine gun Kelly
Why?
I just in my head machine gun Kelly
That vibe?
Yeah that vibe. So he has tattoos on his neck
Pete Davidson style
Just unbelievable
You want to go on a Pete Davidson rant or no?
I don't have a rant
I just know that he could get away with anything it seems like
He really does
There is Pete Davidson has a like I've seen him at the store
Yeah
And I've wanted to say hi to him but I've opened my mouth and nothing's come out
Interesting
I think because he's always in the center of some sort of social circle
Vortex
Like a vortex of people so it's either I have to pop in
Yeah
Or my little thing you know what I mean? Or I'll go
Anna
I bet you he'd do this podcast
I bet you he would
I don't think so
I think he would
I would love to he's nice we're nice you know what I mean
And Milindy's nice I mean guys like John Milindy's guys show up you know what I mean
Yeah
But this lady has fucked this guy
Hold on she hasn't fucked this guy you're saying fucked this guy
She already fucked this guy
You're dating right
Five years
For five years fuck this guy let him go cut him loose
Yeah
He's a piece of shit
So loose
I'm fine
Mike
Yeah you're fine
Yeah
I would say you know turn the other cheek you know give him another five years
Yeah there we go
Maybe
I think maybe this is what he needed to grow into being a great person
Yeah
You know worst case scenario five years down the road you know you just you cut your losses and murder the guy
That's not a big deal
That's a pretty good idea
This is good advice
Pretty good advice
Yeah
Or what you do is you fuck his best friend
Yeah
His best friend's Tony right and you get a tattoo you shave all your pubes
Yeah
You get a tattoo of
I like that she has a full bush
She has a full bush
Scenario
70's bush right she shaves it alright
70's yeah
And she puts Tony's toy
And an arrow to the vagina
Yeah
So now this guy's eating around pulls her pants down
Right
And also do the face of Tony
Be careful because he's been institutionalized and locked up before so we don't know what he could do
Money and honoring nothing far
Okay
Yeah he didn't kill anybody
Alright well like you know just
Tony's fucking Tony
You know for a second I thought you were saying she that he cheated on her while he was incarcerated
And I'm like he might not have had a choice in that
Oh yeah
Yeah that doesn't count
Yeah
Poor guy
Poor dude man
Yeah yeah
But dude man get your shit together
Yeah
What the hell
Just don't be a coward that's really what it boils down to
If you're gonna be with someone then just be with them
And if you're gonna fuck everyone then just be the guy who fucks everyone
Also I heard
Yes I heard this new term there's something called
Ethical non-monogamy
You could also just agree to fuck other people you don't need to like do it behind her back
And like hurt her
Yeah
You can find someone for that I'm sure
Yeah
I feel like if I was in prison you're too plain to fuck
That's
You know someone once told me that
I think everyone would do a hard pass on you
Someone said you know if you were in jail they'd put you in turquoise
And I go what the fuck does that mean because it means that people would think you're nuts
And so they would put you in a special section
Oh
That's what I'm saying
Interesting
Yeah
You're one of those guys that could have shit on their face
What do you mean
You know in prison you know how they act crazier
Oh my head's okay
They'll put poo on their face
Oh and fecal smears is what the term is
Yeah
What's the difference
So the poo
The fecal smears
Yeah one of those
When you said put shit on my face all you meant like you know teardrop tattoos
You're talking about actual shit on my face
My head took me somewhere else
I thought that it's because he was like the bottom and somehow
He had to blow the guy after he got fucked in the ass
My head took it completely
What a visual
What a visual
Wow
What are you thinking about
Wow no
We were all thinking about that
Rick's not a bottom
No
No you're not a bottom
You have like big top energy
No you know what you are
You're the gimp
Thank you
Like in pulp fiction when you take the fucking mask off
Right
It could be Rick Ingram
I mean I'm on all sides of the gimp equation
Yeah
Same body type
You know what I mean
Kind of like gimpy
Thank you
Yeah you have a gimpy vibe
I mean
Alright anyway
It's nice to have someone say something like that finally after all these years
People have been so scared
So Rick I want to say to everyone listening
I want to say number one is a pleasure
Number two we should have had John wait earlier
Number three
I feel good things for you in 2022
Thanks
We should make Rick 2022 shirts
I think so
Those will sell like hotcakes
They would
And I think they will
And also you have a lot of people that are legitimate people in the business
Not just myself a lot that are rooting for you
So give Rick Ingram a huge round of applause
I love him so much
Wow thanks buddy
Thank you
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