TigerBelly - Ep 340: Trevor Wallace & The Verified Bro

Episode Date: March 23, 2022

Bobby advises American Idols. Trevor is beef dick. Khalyla dates Miss Swan. We talk positive Portland graffiti, TLC shows, pick knuckles, and Range Rover Evoque.New Merch: www.sleptkingdom.co...mSupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today I Want everyone to know that Papa the king, you know, it's a small kingdom Yeah, right, but it's all it's mighty, you know, I I'm gonna buy a brand new car And I want to get you know arranged over equinox. That's not it. That's not even what it's called. What's it called? It's an evoke evoke evoke You what's equinox? It's a gym. Oh
Starting point is 00:00:51 Hi, and Jim. What's that? Song Oh Zana do It's that's different, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry my bad But so I want to get a new car and so I've been going to lots. I went to Toyota And I just realized Can each one, you know, I've done it. Oh, baby. What's up? Can each one? I've done it I've done Toyota's all my life. Have you done all Toyota models though? What Toyota models have you had? I've had a station wagon. I don't know models. Here's the deal guys and I before you get into your cold car culture fucking
Starting point is 00:01:21 Judgment I'm not into car culture when I rent a car. I go to the lot and they go what kind of car I go I don't give a thick does it move? Yes, then I'll get it and in terms of like when I'm in a car and somebody goes, isn't it smooth? I go, I don't know and get a Corolla. It's reliable. I know but I would rather your hundred But you're not listening. Okay, that I want to get something outside of the Japanese family I love the Japanese, right? So I'm thinking I Range rather sounds American to me. Why never Korean? Why not Hyundai? I couldn't find a lot I went to Pasadena. I went over to the Sherman Oaks. There was no Hyundai
Starting point is 00:02:01 You know how that you go to there's like that one street, you know, and I walk up and down I act like a fucking asshole too. What do you do? I because I don't wear my beanie because I want people to think I have money Because when I go into Cadillac, right? It's just when you go in there, it's like uncomfortable. So I do this thing with my hair Alright, so you're you're on the law. I'm in there and I'll just I don't know why I'll just do this They're like that guy's got money. It's very that's very blue blood of you. Yeah, Korean royalty does I think it's very royal The way I do it young bang and they go hello, hello, and I go hello. What car? How much is this? You know, what's the GPA drive shift? I don't know what the fuck But I've never even seen a fucking Fast and Furious fucking movie. That's why that's how little I know about cars
Starting point is 00:02:49 I don't give a shit. So I based cars on the way I look so this Range Rover Evoke right it looks like a giant giant pill bug Like a tank Yeah, but that Malibu Barbie would drive you want to be Malibu Barbie. Yeah, I love Malibu Barbie out of all the Barbie She's my favorite The black bar is okay. Yeah, I mean, but now I love black Barbie as well. Is there an Asian Barbie? They just came out with one. I think yeah, just yeah as a 20-20. You're right because growing up
Starting point is 00:03:25 I only had white Barbies in Asia. Yeah, they call it Bobby. Okay, don't do it bar. They call Paul I just don't call you Barbie bar Malibu Bobby, so I want so then you were suggested the BMW MX x6 x6 and here's your evoke for people Yeah, I understand why it's look at that one good car Sweetie silhouette the silhouettes nice and the back is nice and look at that one. That's the one That's the one. I want to guess what's gonna hurt my heart What I know what you want to do in in terms of like putting a rap like customizing your whatever dream car You're gonna spend a hundred fifty thousand dollars on like a twenty dollar car
Starting point is 00:04:03 And that's what's gonna hurt my feelings because ultimately it's I mean Range Rover is a great brand for like some of their models But just not this one It doesn't even have a good Edmunds rating. All right. What's the one above it then? What's the one above it? What do you mean above it? Get a real Range Rover a Range Rover? That's like a little bigger than that one that you know, I mean, yeah, don't get the sport get the real Range Rover then They're so big though. It's huge. They look like Chappelle AC Yeah, this is too big what about the self-driving Tesla the X I don't do Teslas why I just don't what they My friend Jean has one I go in I don't like it. It's just got a screen
Starting point is 00:04:42 And then that's it but then I like little gadgets and things like gas prices are like eight dollars like a gas plus It's you're saying fuck. I don't know where to electrify. No car George tell him where Yeah, at home At home You just plug it in at home. You never have to Okay, what if I go to like what if I go to like um, um Wyoming I drive to Wyoming never well No, I'm just saying what if let's just scenario wise apocalypse. They have charging station
Starting point is 00:05:13 You do have to play there is no charging stations from on the on the 10 and Laramie when you go out into the desert Oh, yeah, yeah, they love charging stations in the desert. That's exactly where they have it You can just route your whole like your whole travels through America You can see charging stations. It's charging station. You're taking nappy naps and they got like the doors that go up like wings Yeah, come on. They're so expensive, too Yeah, yeah, I mean you're talking about like a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, you know, I mean and I'm not you know I was gonna name a comic. I'm not Anthony Jesle neck
Starting point is 00:05:48 What is he drive? I've probably something so fancy Yeah, he seems like someone who would choose something very functional and reliable. Yeah, what a functional guy, huh? I love him. I love him, too He's a little snooty Cut that out cut that part out cut that part out Do you want a kaibai ball cover by what if if I win I get to choose what car You get to buy your little Bart Malibu. No, I'm not doing no cover
Starting point is 00:06:18 I'm not fit now. I'm being real kaibai ball with a come on. You're being up What I don't even know what this game you guys explain the rules you do them on three. This is rock. This is paper on three Okay, ready? Yeah Oh, wow I Okay, you're one zero Range Rover you've over Baby, let's go. I love it. Thank you Lord. I believe in God now. I really do believe in God now and I think he did that
Starting point is 00:06:59 I'm getting one. You know what? I'm gonna do it in spite. You could buy it. I honestly think I Honestly would love to see you in an evoke. I think there's such a perfect car for you. What is she doing Bobby? What is she doing? She's doing mind manipulations, and I don't like it. No, honestly, sweetie There is no better match for you. I think for the last two days. You've been saying are you I changed my mind I think it's so perfect for you Please get it tomorrow. You know the last couple that you've been calling me that word that you're not allowed to say in Florida anymore All right, so I'm just gonna let you know you've been using that word No, if you can't evoke you say you're gonna be you're that word and I use that word anymore
Starting point is 00:07:42 Please buy it tonight. Yeah. See don't I'm not doing that. What do you think George? I? Think it's a bad car. It'll break down all the time. Mm-hmm. Gilbert. It's not even four-wheel drive Gilbert It's not even four wheel if you put a 50k on customization. I'm okay with it Okay with it. Wait, can he customize a four-wheel drive into that? Yeah, you got a four-wheel drive. All right I'm not gonna wait in terms of customization. What do you mean? I was gonna get up. No, I'm gonna get out I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a matte Wrap yeah, right probably a dark gray or midnight purple And in the rims what can I do more of a goldie kind of thing? I'm not into gold you look like a fucking
Starting point is 00:08:25 Laker on wheels A pimp. Maybe like a little reddish hue. Are you trying to run a harem? I mean, I do have a human trafficking business Is that the color scheme you like it's like yeah, yeah, there is how dope does that look? Purple or the yellow look at the purple in the yellow. How good how dope does that look? Oh, that's gonna be on your driveway That's Lakers. I love Lakers. I like baby. I love Kareem I just honestly think you should stick to the Toyota family. Okay. No, I'm not Yeah, no offense to the Japanese great people great bit. How about a Honda Honda? Yeah, Honda's are great
Starting point is 00:09:05 I went in there. They were kind of rude. Hey, why don't you do this? Yeah, get like a old school 90-something Honda? Hatchback and then soup it up and then put a spoiler in it. I want a brand new car, bitch No, you can look like hot import nights. I don't want to look like that because I grew up with that in Miramesa in San Diego All those Asians those Vietnamese had rice rockets that they used to call I'm not doing right back. What about Lexus? I Think it's a bit. It's a kind of AG car. It's a G. It's a little AG. Yeah, it's a G I went in there was like a little weird. Oh, so when you go in there I based it on the reason why I want to get the Land Rover the equinox If I evoke once I buy it, I'll know it because I'm gonna read it all you'll learn. Yeah, I'll learn it
Starting point is 00:09:51 I promise but I went in there in Pasadena and the dude That was there is a huge. Tiger Billy fan. That's what sold you That's what it is. Exactly. Yeah. He's like amen. Hey, make sure you come to me, dude When you come right and I go I promise and then the hair flip. Yeah, and I did the hair flip promise, right? So I think that's also when I went into the other lines They were standoffish a little like judgy maybe 20 20, you know, I mean, but I bet the Tiger Billy fan drives a Toyota Even if he works at Range Rover. Yeah, what do you drive? That's interesting. Um, I'm not gonna make assumptions. We should call him What's his name?
Starting point is 00:10:31 Mohammed love it already. I think I hold on. I have his card Well, how much would you drive a Subaru? Oh, I like the Subaru. I love super is a good great. Hey, those are the wilderness Should I get that then? You know, what's really good the new volvos? Oh? Yeah, those are they look so pretty. Have you seen them are I like volvos Len oh, he's not. He's not Mohammed Sam. Okay Why do you always get Arabic? Yeah Oh
Starting point is 00:11:04 No, don't call him. He's not Mohammed. Hi Sam. Yeah. Oh, did he really know who you were? Oh, you're lying No, he's not a Tiger Billy fan. He's a Bobby Lee. He's a Bobby Lee fan. I got it. Hi stories. This is Bobby Lee's assistant. Yeah But don't punk him because I don't know. No, I'm gonna Leave a message When you finished recording, you may hang up or print one for more options to send a fax press four Hi Sam, my name is Kalilah, this is Bobby Lee's assistant. Can I start over? Oh my god, oh my god Hi Sam, this is Kalilah Bobby Lee's assistant
Starting point is 00:12:06 He came to see you over the weekend and was interested in the Range Rover evoke Um, but he wanted to know what car you personally drive. Um, so if you could give me a call That's not what I said. That's not what I said. That's not what I said You're supposed to hit star to erase, not hang up Because that message is gonna go through Really? Oh my god, Bobby You didn't send it. You didn't send it. It went through
Starting point is 00:12:31 You didn't send it. Oh my god You know, it goes through automatically if you don't hit star to erase Oh, no, I can't get one of you fucking sabotage me bitch No, I can never fucking call him again. Oh my god, give me the fucking car Oh my god, I cannot get a fucking, you just fucking sabotage me There are other You got your Audi, did I go to the Audi guy and fuck you up? You know what, you've been driving my Audi more than me
Starting point is 00:12:55 Okay, good Because your niece has my car, she has to go to college every day That's the problem, right, is because the reason for the new car is Right, and so, uh, Jules just is just gone and she takes the car all day All day But I think that we should have her buy the car from us, but you don't believe in that No Because I'll tell you why, Jules is like my daughter
Starting point is 00:13:20 I don't have any kids, so all my fatherly instincts go to her And when I was a kid, my parents got me anything I wanted So Keep that So I do that too Yeah Is that scary to have kids? No, because here's the deal, dude I don't want spoiled little shit
Starting point is 00:13:41 You won't, because if we have kids, you're going to be the mother And if they pass away, our kids are fucked They're all going to have MTA bus passes, and that's a fact Yeah, but they're also going to have Audi's in the garages for the weekend Just for the weekend Yeah, yeah, okay I'm going to give them like They have to learn a little bit of grit, sweetie
Starting point is 00:14:01 You can't just give them everything When I was 17 years old, I went to rehab And when I left the rehab, I go Well, since I went to rehab, can you send me to Hawaii with my friends? Nice, nice And my parents are like, ugh It's going to be good, because I believe in God And I think, you know, when I'm out in nature, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:14:21 I kind of manipulated it, and they bought it They bought it, you know what I mean? So that's my point And look at me now I came out, I came out okay? He's getting in a vogue He's getting in a vogue, or, you know what I mean? M6, at BMW What's the matter?
Starting point is 00:14:37 Tongue tied? Shocked? Tuck out your tongue? Goddamn What? I mean, look, that's how you want to raise children, that's fine No, listen Very good
Starting point is 00:14:52 There's other skill sets that I have I can teach them how to do time Oh, that's true I just learned that, that's fresh, right? I can teach them about, um I'll teach them about more pop-cultury kind of stuff Yeah And you can do mathematics and biology, whatever you need
Starting point is 00:15:07 I can do that Yeah, yeah, history, I know some history, you know But you're like, if the little girl's like, dad, I want a pony You're going to give her the pony at like eight years old? I'm not going to buy her a rent one Oh What, Joe Rogan rents ponies? He does
Starting point is 00:15:24 I assume, he's got kids I assume Or llamas, I know dude, I know dudes that do llama Well, yeah, if you bring over, you like rent the little farm Right, I mean, for their birthday, like when Sebastian, his kids He has Mario Lopez come over, why can't I? Right? Yeah, rent some Mario Lopez
Starting point is 00:15:43 Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to rent a Mario Lopez, right? It's not that bad Yeah, yeah, yeah Right? Maria Munoz, those types, you know what I mean? They'll come over to the house, right? And they can do like Extra
Starting point is 00:15:56 What celebrity could you pull for your daughter? At this point in my career? Yeah, who do you think you will actually know in? Well, I could probably get Keegan Daddy, who's that? Yeah, Keegan Keys I would show her Kean Peele Oh, you prep her with stuff?
Starting point is 00:16:12 Yeah, yeah, yeah She's going to like what I like, so it's like She's going to like the pixies, so I'll have Joyce Santiago come over Right? I'm going to let her, I'm going to, she's going to fall in love with the people that I know You want to see Modern Family? Yeah Then Eric Stone, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:16:27 I'm not going to show her fucking Mission Impossible I don't know Tom Cruise Yeah Right, so it's smart, right? Yeah Why do you keep making me watch Bill Burr? Yeah, yeah, yeah So dad is going to be the hero then
Starting point is 00:16:38 Dad knows all the cool people All the cool people, right? And mom's, she's disciplined She's no fun I have a feeling you're actually going to be the disciplinarian Yeah, because You rage out a lot quicker Your patience is very
Starting point is 00:16:53 Give what we call short to bull Yeah, but I wouldn't know violence Yeah, no violence You're not violent I'm not violent Number two, I would be pretty mindful about it because I remember it fucked me up as a kid So I don't know, I don't think so I think you're wrong and I want you to apologize
Starting point is 00:17:10 I'm sorry Alright But I would probably, like if my kid, do something as a kid Talk back to me Fuck Can we turn it down a bit? It caught me off guard Dad
Starting point is 00:17:30 Turn it down, yeah Fuck Mom's saying Fuck I have two kids Yeah, you have two kids Yeah You have two Filipino twins
Starting point is 00:17:41 Interesting, that's what it's saying Yeah Interesting Alright, I would back away Right How many steps How many steps? About a hundred steps
Starting point is 00:17:50 Yeah, go interesting Walk backwards He'd make a Molotov cocktail, I know it Yeah, I'd have a bottle of whiskey, right? I'd put some fucking cloth in it And then I'd fire and throw it No, I would back away to interesting And I would go outside
Starting point is 00:18:05 And I would probably call my sponsor Oh, interesting And go, yeah, one of my kids And then he'd be like, wow, she's four She can't even speak yet Yeah Well, who taught her that language? Kalayla
Starting point is 00:18:23 Oh They could have only come from you I don't say that word You just said it I haven't said that word in years, you said it Yeah, but that's me in the context of being a child Yeah, yeah, yeah Now, would you be into, like, if your kid was like
Starting point is 00:18:38 Can I get an iPad? Yeah, what is your response to that? How old is the kid? She's eight Yeah, what do you need it for? Yeah, you can borrow mine Oh Yeah, no, but I need it for school
Starting point is 00:18:50 We don't need it for school Your teacher tells me what you need And that's not on the list See, already? Very A terrible parent Already? I just had a sore throat
Starting point is 00:18:59 Papa, can I get an iPad? Yeah, I will get you But there's some ground rules Okay, what are the rules? There's only certain times that you can watch it, right? On the weekends, we'll give you four hours or whatever But during the school week, we're going to hold on to it And if you need it for school and this and that
Starting point is 00:19:16 For homework and whatnot, we'll give it to you But it's pretty much for the weekend Yeah, but then why does it have to belong to her? Why can't it be mine? Because I'm watching mine And you're watching yours You don't have an iPad That's all we watch is our iPad
Starting point is 00:19:30 You don't watch anything on the TV Okay, isn't that the better way to do it? Maybe It really is I've never raised a kid, so I don't know I might be terrible at it I would say both those answers are feasible Yeah, but she's going to be strict
Starting point is 00:19:42 Can you tell? Can you fucking tell? Look, when Jules asks to go out Who says yes and who says no? You don't really love her, though Yeah, her own I'm going to call her right now Oh, there we go
Starting point is 00:19:56 I think he's here I've got to go Aw, man, we're just about to get to Jules' call Where's the Jules? Where's my phone? Jules called while we're waiting It's Tiger Valley Oh, Sam called us back He called you back?
Starting point is 00:20:11 Yeah, he did What do you say? Here, let's call No, no, no, no, no A voicemail, voicemail Okay All right, guys, here's a voicemail of the dealer This is Sam
Starting point is 00:20:21 I am answering your call back Give me a call to speak Thank you so much Okay, well Yeah, how bad do you feel? How bad do you feel? I'm buying one from him That's it
Starting point is 00:20:36 Guilt buy? Yeah, that's it We're buying one from him We've got to find out what he drives, though I'm going to call Clinton tomorrow I'm going to buy one tomorrow All right Yes, please, please
Starting point is 00:20:48 Whatever you're doing, it's not going to work I'm buying it How about right after this podcast? I will call him after Please Rip me Here, call him right now Call Sam right now and say
Starting point is 00:20:58 I'm absolutely buying it No, no, no, no Don't do that yet I'm going to call, I'm going to tell him Sam, we're buying from you We have a guest, man What the fuck are you doing? I'm going to say
Starting point is 00:21:06 Hey, he's definitely going to come in Trevor Wallace is here Sit down Congratulations, how are you? Where is he? God, I'm buying one for sure, though Black And people make fun of me
Starting point is 00:21:18 I'm going to like, oh, fuck it Because I'm at the comedy store I know what people drive They drive crazy cars sometimes Yes, like Santino All these guys bring No, I'm going to Santino
Starting point is 00:21:30 Starts with an M, that's all I want to say Is it? A Maserati? Yeah What? I love Maserates I'm going to ask Trevor See, I'm curious what he drives
Starting point is 00:21:41 We should guess If he's more like me, like who gives a shit It's going to go a long way with him and I If he's more like you guys about like Being snooty about it I might not be able to hang out with him ever again I'm just like a quiet guy, you know I don't give a fuck about your fucking
Starting point is 00:22:00 Earsensitivity I drive my mom's Corolla a lot I'm so impressed I also drive a Rob-4 I know, but it's just like Everyone has a fucking Toyota Everyone has one I have a Corolla
Starting point is 00:22:15 Trevor, we're fighting We're fighting, just sit down Can you help us, Trevor? Yeah, yeah, yeah Your dogs are fighting too Your dogs are beefing up there They're going off Well, if we let them out the kennel
Starting point is 00:22:25 They'll beef with your dick real fast Because they're dick biters Oh, wow A guy or girl, dogs They're combo You have a long dick? Average Good
Starting point is 00:22:36 But Jewish Jews like you have thick ones Are you Jewish? Yeah, I'm Jewish But I'm half Mom's Jewish dad's Christian Oh, right, right If you're Jewish, if your mom is Jewish Yeah, in the Jewish tradition
Starting point is 00:22:48 If the mom's Jewish, everybody's Jewish But their dick, if they're mixed like that Their dick is mid-level We got to be careful with that hand You're throwing this up? I don't know So much for my people, right? But yeah
Starting point is 00:23:00 So technically Jewish, full Jewish 29 years old? 29 years old Yeah, here's how I know about you I didn't know anything about you And I was at the improv a couple of months ago When I was using And it was like, I don't know what night it was
Starting point is 00:23:13 But I looked at the lineup And I never read Just hear me out, all right By all means I read your name I go, oh, who's that? And I was upstairs And you were crushing so hard
Starting point is 00:23:24 Right? I started asking around Who the fuck is that? Yeah I hate him Because I had to follow him, right? I went up there And I didn't struggle
Starting point is 00:23:34 But it wasn't like Your level of laughs And it bummed me out for like two days That's bullshit There's no way Yeah, I swear to God, dude That's bullshit That's how I fuck
Starting point is 00:23:44 I told Andy? Because somebody sent me the Bad Friends clip Where it said you shit yourself Yeah Oh, yeah, that was the night That was the night I shit myself That was the night Oh
Starting point is 00:23:52 Unrelated to my set, he shit himself No, no, no Or was it related? I think it was related Oh, wow When do I shit in a green room Five times in my lifetime? Right?
Starting point is 00:24:00 That was one of them Those Brussels sprouts of improv will get you You gotta watch it Yeah, dude I mean Very good I thought you were like fucking with me on that clip I was like
Starting point is 00:24:09 I thought you were just like Being like, hey, these kids He was so good No, no, no I don't Because I don't even bother to Memorize people's names It takes me a while, right?
Starting point is 00:24:18 And, you know And that's also your name comes up so much In the community The ecosystem Yeah, that I want to say congratulations Also, I asked around Are you a nice guy?
Starting point is 00:24:30 Because this is the first time You and I have ever really talked Yeah, yeah, yeah Right, so The city's a nice guy And I just think that You know, you potentially could be the future Thank you
Starting point is 00:24:39 Yeah, yeah, yeah That'd be sick Get the fuck out now That's all I needed I'm just gonna run that I'm just gonna run that clip right there If you're praising me Put my tour dates on it
Starting point is 00:24:47 And put it out there Yeah, yeah Somebody told me I should take that I'm just gonna put my tour dates On the end of the post Yeah, which Yeah, you should, I think It works
Starting point is 00:24:55 That's what I'm doing this podcast for And tour dates This weekend I will be in New York, Boston Yeah, yeah, yeah You just got off the road, right? Yeah, I just got back today from Seattle Yeah Gloomy as hell city
Starting point is 00:25:06 I know, but it's still beautiful Yo, go ahead, Dan Go ahead You don't like it? Yeah, no, I liked Honestly, I thought Portland Was gonna be very like You gotta, like, watch what you say
Starting point is 00:25:18 Portland was reckless I loved them Oh, no They were great They are wild Portland was awesome Portland's wild I loved it
Starting point is 00:25:26 I think Seattle's wild Seattle's wild A little bit Yeah, we did two shows One of them was at 7 Then there was a 10 o'clock on a Sunday Late night on a Sunday Mixed for just a disaster
Starting point is 00:25:35 Yeah, yeah But why is Seattle not beautiful? You just can't see anything It's just Cause it's so rainy and foggy Yeah, well I said that there was smog It's not smog, it's clouds I was like, are you really breaking about
Starting point is 00:25:47 Yeah, yeah Cloud right now They call it the inversion layer Yeah, it just feels like The inversion layer You know the morning after you take an edible And you still feel hazy? That's how the whole city feels like
Starting point is 00:25:57 Everybody still feels like they're easing into it Like a fourth cup of coffee And they haven't smiled once Yeah, but I think Seattle's cool When you're younger and depressed Yeah, exactly It feeds into the like I wanna write some fucking morbid poetry
Starting point is 00:26:13 It's one of the places I've only ever seen Positive graffiti I saw it on the wall and it said your love And I was like But it was the wrong your Yeah, yeah Oh no Yeah, it was just Y-O
Starting point is 00:26:25 Y-O-U-R Seattle's the one where they kinda had their own Remember when the BLM stuff started happening They had their own like little society Chat, what is it called? Chattanooga? Chat, that's a tennis Yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:26:39 Chat, what did you say, chat? There's a name, they named it though, you're right I want you to resolve this fight I'm having with my girlfriend What's going on? What do you drive and what are your thoughts on? Let me ask Okay
Starting point is 00:26:51 That's a little too direct All right You know what I just That was rude of me You're gonna lead the witness No, I'm just saying that Because Joe Scarborough When he does it with his girlfriend Mika
Starting point is 00:27:01 He does that a lot What does he do? He'll like stop her from talking Oh, that's okay No, he'll just interrupt I don't wanna do that Because I think it's Now I'm so mindful about it
Starting point is 00:27:10 And I was like Joe, don't do that You know what I mean? Mika has a brain, you know? So it's like That you're the best, okay? Go ahead Go ahead
Starting point is 00:27:20 Go ahead Okay, anyway I'm excited I started going to therapy recently So I'm gonna try With people like me But with you guys But yeah, what's going on?
Starting point is 00:27:28 So, um Why is there a beef? What's going on again? The beef is this The beef is this, okay? That, um, you know You haven't seen my Prius But it's, you know
Starting point is 00:27:40 It's three doors Three? Yeah, it's broken eggs The fourth one has What? Yeah, it has perished I rammed it into Sam Tripoli's car once On purpose
Starting point is 00:27:49 I can see that You're right And he had a brand new car I just rammed it in there Because I was so mad at him And I just used it Yeah, I always had shitty cars And so for once
Starting point is 00:27:58 I went, you know what? I'm sober again I'm gonna get a nice car Uh-huh Right, so I wanna get a Range Rover Evoke There you go
Starting point is 00:28:10 My girlfriend That's the car I drove here My girlfriend just got that car I swear to God, it's out front Do you wanna see it? Dude, my girlfriend has a nicer car than me I have a 2017 BMW That's hilarious
Starting point is 00:28:20 Used Are we ready, dude? You and I are gonna be Do you wanna see it? It's out front What do you drive? I have a 2017 BMW I got it
Starting point is 00:28:28 I got it used Yeah Because like for me I think all this is gonna go away eventually Like it should be like Oh, you're not funny Boo, you suck Ah, you're broke
Starting point is 00:28:36 Yeah, yeah So I like, I bought like a cheat I bought a used car With like 10,000 miles on it Because I like I want a nice car But I wanna like Humble myself
Starting point is 00:28:44 Yeah But you know Well, my girlfriend's in finance She has a lot of stability At her job And I'm like, I don't Am I gonna do ha-ha tonight Or am I doing
Starting point is 00:28:52 Yeah, yeah So So what you're saying to me is Is that her car is better than your car It's nicer Yeah, nicer She just got it yesterday I drove her here
Starting point is 00:29:01 Oh, and is the Range Rover Evoke nice? It's Which way should I go for it? No, no, no I need to know Don't look at Mika I'm Joe Scarborough
Starting point is 00:29:12 Simple question Should Bobby Lee, in his career Be driving a Range Rover I think Lamborghini Urus That's the Lamborghini SUV There we go Right There we go
Starting point is 00:29:21 How much is it? 200K It's such a good car It's such a good car Yeah, I can't I'm not I know that you guys are Oh, I'm not at that level
Starting point is 00:29:29 Oh, why, why? I'm in the podcast space I know what y'all are pulling in On bad friends I know you're pulling on on this Trevor, keep in mind He cannot have nice things He will destroy it in about a week
Starting point is 00:29:40 How long did you have the Prius for? A decade Decade Wow So, walking through the Range Rover You're like, it's nice But it's not too crazy Well, here's what happens
Starting point is 00:29:49 I told him, why don't you go to Range Rover To get the Range Rover Yeah Right And then he went over there And he was like, oh, I like this little Toy-licking thing It is a smaller one
Starting point is 00:29:59 Oh, you want the bigger one Do you know Chappelle Lacey? Yes The bigger ones look like him And I don't want to go inside him All right I want to go inside like You don't know Doc Willis
Starting point is 00:30:10 I know Doc Willis Yeah, a little or one Oh, so you want to Doc I want to Doc Willis Range Rover Rather than a Chappelle Lacey Yeah, you want like the Boston Terrier Of course Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:30:19 I feel that So, is your girlfriend Asian? No She white? Yeah Okay, and she's in finance? In finance Right
Starting point is 00:30:29 Perchance, does she look like Malibu Barbie? No Blond hair? No, Bernat Yeah So, she has one And you think it's nice And you think it's nicer than yours
Starting point is 00:30:41 Do you think that if I drove around it Would you tease me? No I think it would honestly fit you I think because You don't want to make me cry No, it's like It feels like a big car on the inside
Starting point is 00:30:53 But from the outside It's like a little like peanut Like a peanut M&M on wheels That's what I wanted I want to keep it I read that in your interview A couple years ago That you always wanted
Starting point is 00:31:03 Yeah, I always wanted So you want him to get the bigger one I just want him to know Even if it were up to me I'd want him to get a Corolla Oh He just doesn't know He's going to destroy whatever he gets
Starting point is 00:31:14 I'm like, Corolla, good Safety rating Toyota, reliable Dude, when you see an Asian driving a Toyota What do you really feel, my Jewish friend? I feel good Ever since That's somebody who believes in their own product
Starting point is 00:31:28 You know, it's crazy Since my mom's Jewish And I told her I was getting a BMW She's like, don't do that It's a German car Yeah, but like Hitler did one thing But the BMW was
Starting point is 00:31:38 You know, it's like, I Yeah, yeah, yeah Huh So, honestly I think God spoke through Trevor Wallace, right And I think I'm definitely going to get one I'm going to call Sam now
Starting point is 00:31:51 Saying we're going to buy the car, right? No, but I'll call him on his own How do you feel about a weekend car Versus weekday car? Like your spots car, Corolla People do that? Yeah I mean, Brandon Shaw has a dealership at his house
Starting point is 00:32:02 I don't know what's going on over there He does? Yeah I don't have Brandon Shaw's box What about we just like beef up the Prius a little bit Add shin guards to it That, if he got a brand new Prius And actually put a wrap on it
Starting point is 00:32:16 My dad has a brand new Prius Oh, y'all Ready to sell? Y'all Is he a hippie? Yeah, he's retired Smoking the place golf Love the crap
Starting point is 00:32:26 All right, yeah, yeah Great guy You look like you had a good upbringing Yeah, I was pretty straightforward Yeah, yeah My mom would like have like weird rules in the house Like I couldn't have cereal With more than seven grams of sugar
Starting point is 00:32:37 It's just like white people trying to make rules They're like, you can't have cereal with sugar All right, raising brand it is Yeah, yeah, yeah It's pretty solid, yeah They're still together to this day That's amazing Yeah, I grew up in Southern California
Starting point is 00:32:51 So I feel like this is just I'm like an hour away from here, really Yeah, because usually comics are I don't want to say Like come from a dark place Yeah, they're damn it You know, there's some like me That come from a darker place
Starting point is 00:33:04 Right, but then I When I look at guys like you Al Magical feels that way too Just a nice guy Who's super funny, warm, you know Knows which side like the knife and the spoon go Yeah, yeah, yeah Haces Trejo
Starting point is 00:33:16 Haces Trejo Yeah You like Mexicans? Great, he's hilarious Yeah, he's so funny He's so funny But also, I have to say that Your generation
Starting point is 00:33:26 29, right? 29 Yeah, how you have hair down there? Not yet Working on it Yeah, it's promo code No fuzz, no fuzz, peach fuzz or nothing? No, it's down there
Starting point is 00:33:36 Okay, go, go, go, go You know, I just, you know What generation are you technically a part of? You're not mine, but you're not Gen-Z Millennial Millennial Is it 29 is Millennial? Yeah, Millennial oddly goes up to like
Starting point is 00:33:47 33 I think It goes up pretty, I think even more Really? Yeah, let me check Wait, am I not Millennial anymore? Have I passed that? With Gen-Z is the one before Gen-Z is
Starting point is 00:33:56 Younger Yeah, Jules Jules? There's one before? No, Jules is the girl that lives upstairs We have a teenager living upstairs Oh, I have a human trafficking business Okay
Starting point is 00:34:08 Now the Range Rover makes sense I see flashy car, old movie producer Oh, we've been down that road, okay Millennials ages 23 to 38 Yeah, 38 being a Millennial is wild I'm a Millennial, you work at H&R Block What am I? Your generation X
Starting point is 00:34:26 Generation X, baby It just sounds better That's cool Yeah, Generation X, like, fuck you You know what I mean? I want to spit in your pussy You know what I mean? Classic generation
Starting point is 00:34:37 We're just not in an aggressive thing Classic That's a shirt you see in a kiosk Richard and Palm Beach, Florida Gen X, let me spit in your cooter But it's not mean, it's like It's lube What are you, evil?
Starting point is 00:34:52 No, spit in your pussy It sounded very aggressive and mean It doesn't, it's a nice thing for men to do Thank you, that's all Who wants the dry bang a chick? Well, you could just lick it No, you could just very nicely moisturize it That's the same thing as spitting it
Starting point is 00:35:05 I know, but would you rather... Like, just look at me, right? Oh, we're looking Just look at me, right? I'm in Why do you think I'm crossing my legs? Would you rather... You know what I mean, lick, right?
Starting point is 00:35:16 Or... I would also Oh, okay It ups the... It's like the NOS button You're, like, fucking straight clear NOS, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:35:25 In fact, when I first... So, licking was like De La Soul And then, like, spitting is NOS Yeah Yeah If I were to, you know, be on a first date with a guy And I saw him, like, spit on the sidewalk But it was a very weak spit
Starting point is 00:35:38 The likelihood of me finding him attractive is very low I need some, you know, some force behind that Yeah, I always thought in the movies When they spit into the tans, they're like, ting I was like, those guys could fuck my girlfriend I'll be a cuck for that guy, anything Because they make that noise, the ting Yeah, that's dope
Starting point is 00:35:55 So good I had a kid spit in my face as a kid Just... Not as an adult You were, oh, you were a kid or no? No, I was a kid as well Okay If it happened as an adult and a kid spit in my face, we'd have problems
Starting point is 00:36:07 Like, if a kid walked up to you as your age, 29, what would you do? And spit in my face? And he's just spitting it Hey, fuck you, Trevor If you knew who I was, I'd be stoked Yeah, that's my demo right there Yeah, yeah, yeah But if he didn't, like, ran him, like, what do you do?
Starting point is 00:36:21 You can't hit the kid I wouldn't hit him, but I would just, like, yell something That, like, he'll find out later in life, you know Right, like, I don't know what to do Something so mean Yeah, something that'll stick with him Right, it would depend on what he looks like Yeah
Starting point is 00:36:34 You can't just, you know what I mean, if he's a good-looking kid, but if he had some things I'm not gonna get into it I would just, like, try to break their family down, like, psychologically Yeah, psychologically Your dad doesn't actually love your mom, and that's why he comes home at 3 to keep him banging hookers out in Portland Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, like, or your mom wanted to abort you, she told me herself
Starting point is 00:36:50 Yeah, like, one of those, that way he's, like, yeah, whatever Then he's, like, at the dinner table, and he's, like, oh, liver again Maybe she did want to abort me Wait, you're not, is liver not good? Is liver not something we like? I wouldn't say it's great Liver, like, the organ? Yeah, are you Asian or are you not Asian?
Starting point is 00:37:08 What do you mean liver? Why do you, is liver not good? Like, chicken liver, to eat Do you eat livers? No You eat liver? Yeah Yeah, liver and... Gizzards, kidney, what is it?
Starting point is 00:37:20 I've had chicken foot before Yeah, chicken feet, like, that's very easy We call it Adidas You just did one foot, not the feet? Yeah, I don't, you know, I have a foot fetish So I'm like, I can't go down Yeah No, it was, it was, yeah, it was just in the soup
Starting point is 00:37:33 Yeah Were you in Asia? No, Minnesota Yeah, it was for a cooking show Oh, really? Yeah, yeah What about, would you eat, can you eat a pig's claw, and a claw, hoof? Yeah, I called my dad's, our family night
Starting point is 00:37:49 Yeah My dad would cook this thing called pig knuckles And it was our favorite thing And all the kids would be like, pig knuckles And then... I swear, it was, it was such a treat for us It's like pig trot I didn't know pigs had knuckles early
Starting point is 00:38:06 How does that work? Technically, it's just the foot, the feet Yeah, the hooves, yeah Yeah, I don't think they have... So... They have... A knuckle, this is the knuckle It's a joint, it's a joint
Starting point is 00:38:17 Alright, that's fine, I don't want to get, I'm not a fucking biologist Yeah, yeah, but, is it crunchy? No, you put it, it's like a stew Do you eat everything of the pig? The butthole If you're gonna kill it, you better eat all of it The blood What about the eyes?
Starting point is 00:38:29 We eat the blood, it's called dinuguan, and we eat the entrails as well How do you eat the blood? Like a beer banger We make it into, cause all cultures have their own version of blood sausage, I think Oh, they had, I had blood cubes Yes, it's the same The same day as the chicken foot But we eat it as a soup
Starting point is 00:38:42 Wow How do you feel about the eyes? Cause I see people get the eyes I eat fish eyes But I don't think I've eaten, like, I don't think I've ever eaten pig eyes Like, we eat lanshao, which is the dick The beef dick The cow's dick
Starting point is 00:38:56 Beef dick, that's actually what they call me in high school Oh, beef dick Let's go beef dick Yeah, yeah, yeah Eat knuckles That's what they used to call me So, you never eat in a dick? No
Starting point is 00:39:12 Not on camera No, no, no, not in a sexual way No Yeah, yeah I feel like that was 80% of fear factor in the prime It was like, here's a pig's cock How do you guys have your hands on this so easily? Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:39:25 How much money would they win on fear factor? Really for like $500 Nothing It wasn't a lot Just give a college kid some Adderall and he'll do it for free Yeah, yeah But it's also, you wouldn't do it in your private life It's only on the show
Starting point is 00:39:37 Oh, right It was a hot show, national TV You don't look like a fucking pussy Joe Rogan was hosting it Yeah, yeah, yeah He's like the man's man Right, so yeah That's my chance
Starting point is 00:39:47 Yeah, so he could say anything Like, suck off that blue whale That sucked me off Yeah Yeah Yeah, so um Anything on camera I'll do If it's like, not at YouTube
Starting point is 00:39:58 Okay If a kid went, hey, I have a YouTube channel I'll be a fuck you Got to make a network thing National television SAG SAG after SAG after
Starting point is 00:40:08 Right I'm not cutting it How about in a movie? Do you act? I auditioned, I haven't booked anything I've done like 50 self tapes, bombed all of them I don't know what's going on Like, I, in my head I was like
Starting point is 00:40:19 I'm gonna make all these videos and the casting director would be like, this guy's perfect for that role Yeah And then I auditioned and then I crumbled in the room Just cause it's too, I don't know I'll tell you the secret What? Thank you
Starting point is 00:40:33 Hi Hi Hello Is that the secret? That's your ASMR? Say hi Oh, hey, what's up? Hi, good
Starting point is 00:40:41 Thanks for having me So, here's the deal I promise you this I was gonna do my tour today I promise you, this is what happens You're gonna, you're on your way I promise you, right? And one day, once people know who you are
Starting point is 00:40:58 I'm talking about the gatekeepers, like what I call them Once they know who you are, you're gonna book Right And then it's just a snowball effect It's like a snowball effect You're gonna be in what they call the mix You'll be on a board of like ten dudes, your type And you'll just be one of those guys
Starting point is 00:41:14 Just kind of the reoccurring type Because the auditions you're doing now, I mean This is what I heard from a casting director We don't watch 70% of them Oh, I bet And which is bullshit Imagine like, you know, you've helped me Like, I don't know what you do
Starting point is 00:41:29 But, you know, these guys have helped me with my auditions It takes me days to read, you know what I mean? To make choices, memorize it And then we do it a couple hours To get the right, you know what I mean? And then it's like, if they're not gonna see it It's fucking terrible You're doing a new takes, a helicopter flew by
Starting point is 00:41:46 That's the most LA thing right there You're trying to work under a craft And all of a sudden you live by LAX and it's just Yeah, yeah But you always send them in Always, really? Yes Even if they're bad?
Starting point is 00:41:58 No, I mean, try I mean, if they call and go Hey, there's this audition Do you sometimes go, I don't want to do it? Sometimes Yeah, I want you to do one But they're like, do you want to play a toaster? I'm like, how the fuck?
Starting point is 00:42:12 I mean, yes, I'll do it Yeah, yeah, yeah Is it voiceover or have to dress up as a toaster? I auditioned for Peter Jackson's King Kong Oh, yeah And if you watch Peter Jackson's King Kong There's just one Chinese guy just screaming In the movie
Starting point is 00:42:28 He'll just run past the screen You know what I mean? We 50 guys read for that part And this is when we had to go in Nuts So I'd be in the lobby And I'd just hear my friends Like John Cho, these types of guys
Starting point is 00:42:39 Back then You know, just real actors going Ah! You know what I mean? And walk out just so defeated But you just do it for the story Right The audition room is sad
Starting point is 00:42:49 It's so sad Because you look around and you go Oh, that guy was on Disney Channel None of us are getting this Yeah, right, right, right Yeah Oh, yo, you go in There's Seth Green for my part
Starting point is 00:42:58 Yeah, you're like, oh, these are hot people Yeah You know, I'm not Yeah, I ain't bookin' this I read against It was beat I'm not even kidding you Me and
Starting point is 00:43:08 I think I've said this Brandon Roth Ruth Superman Wow And we were sitting there in the lobby And I looked at his sides It was the same sides I had
Starting point is 00:43:18 He highlighted the same characters And I'm like, wow Who's writing this? A two-year-old kid? You know what I mean? It's like, whatever! Whoever Yeah
Starting point is 00:43:28 Did he get it? I don't know I don't remember what it was He might not know We gotta see somebody else Probably one And probably Kevin Harkas He gets everything
Starting point is 00:43:37 Everything, yeah So I've tried But I mean, I don't know I just like what I do now I just like the touring And the making my videos, I think But if the offers come, great I'll play that toaster any day
Starting point is 00:43:46 Yeah Is it SAG? I'm in If it's a remake of my Brave little toaster You have to do it Please do I forgot about that
Starting point is 00:43:54 That's a great Sad That's one of the best ones I'll do it I'll do it I take back everything I've ever said I'll play a futon I don't give a fuck
Starting point is 00:44:02 Put me in But you know what also will happen Who do you hang out with? Do you have friends At your level That you started with That are still doing it? Mm-hmm
Starting point is 00:44:10 You have probably what 10, 15 people you know? Yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah Men and women, right? Yeah, yeah One day Those people
Starting point is 00:44:19 Either you first or them Will also be big And will get shit Right, then they're just Casting their friends Yeah, it's like When I, you know After mad TV
Starting point is 00:44:29 There was a couple of years Where I couldn't get An audition to save my life Mm-hmm And I was just not hot Like nobody wanted me And it hurt But you know
Starting point is 00:44:39 Chelsea Handler Who I started with Go just do my show It'll help you with the numbers So I was just panel on her show But it's like It's not something that I've ever I'm grateful for the opportunity
Starting point is 00:44:50 But you know She just did me a favor Mm-hmm You know what I mean And you're gonna get Those as well Yeah, it's a lot of just Friendships
Starting point is 00:44:58 And it's the whole like Longevity of this You know It's being patient Cause it is true What you said It's like Everyone kind of just rises up
Starting point is 00:45:06 And then those people Start just picking their friends Mm-hmm So Yeah Yeah, I mean It all makes sense When you think about it
Starting point is 00:45:14 But you're like Why not fucking now Book me Then you're like I don't know Yeah You like your manager? Uh
Starting point is 00:45:22 He's a great guy Andy Farog? Wait Did you He just left the company You guys Still work together? I don't say leave
Starting point is 00:45:30 He um Sabotaged it Oh no Yeah Yeah Classic agent move No, I just was bummed Because he was like
Starting point is 00:45:39 A guy that I was like I wanna He's He reps me I like this kid Mm-hmm Right And then he's just like
Starting point is 00:45:47 I'm moving on Right Yeah And then you know He leveled up He leveled up Should I let him go? He can't hear us
Starting point is 00:45:55 You whisper Yeah You know Just keep on his toes No Maybe at like Daily savings Just let him know
Starting point is 00:46:03 You're fired And then let the clock Skip a couple hours He's really great And also The reason why Um Because
Starting point is 00:46:11 I mean obviously You're on the show But he You know You could tell He really believes in you Yeah He really does
Starting point is 00:46:19 And he's just like My boy, my boy, my boy Oh yeah Yeah, I mean that's what you need Like my fucking manager Has never been to a comedy Hasn't been to a comedy club He doesn't even know
Starting point is 00:46:28 You do stand up, right? No, she She's not She lives in a house in Venice She doesn't come out No one knows her You know what I mean? And it's like
Starting point is 00:46:36 You know To have a kid like Andy Always at the clubs Always at the clubs Good track suit He's always wearing a track suit Right Andy gets girls
Starting point is 00:46:44 Well He knows that He is now Because he's being talked about on the show So I think His DMs will start popping Ladies, email my manager Say what's up
Starting point is 00:46:57 No, but it's not that because It's like Is he's Persian, right? I believe so What is he? Mexican? What is he? Mexican or Persian?
Starting point is 00:47:05 I think Farag is Persian I want to say Egyptian He's Egyptian I want to say Egyptian Right But it's like So Andy and Fihim Anwar
Starting point is 00:47:14 Fihim's so funny One of the best So good So fucking good Yeah He's making out new bits I want to strangle him sometimes You just want to take that premise
Starting point is 00:47:23 Give me that Yeah Give me that It'll give you a Prius Yeah Or he'll do jokes Where like I thought The premise where I'll go
Starting point is 00:47:31 For years I just I don't know how to The angle And he'll do it And you go Oh, that was it And there's like no fat on the bit
Starting point is 00:47:39 It's just like Boom, boom, boom Yeah Do you have fat in your bits? Oh, so much While I was fine I add so much fat for no reason And like segues
Starting point is 00:47:48 For some reason I'll like try to be smooth Because I've seen guys That are like so smooth With their whole act And it's a whole A to Z It's this whole storyline
Starting point is 00:47:56 And then I'm like I try to do that But I'm not great with words anyway So I'm just Yeah Hyperbolically Throwing out words That I heard twice
Starting point is 00:48:05 Yeah You know, I don't You know I'll do Like I have my set Do your set From beginning to end You kind of know what jokes
Starting point is 00:48:14 Work better up front And toward the end of your act Yeah Ideal, I hope I just have stronger shit At the end That I just hope to close with Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:48:23 You know, the stuff in the middle Is either new Or it's old Or it's like whatever See, that's what I want Because you're a young gun And I need help So I'm not
Starting point is 00:48:31 Asking you to help me Right What I'm saying is Is that So you do your new stuff In the middle Yeah On the road
Starting point is 00:48:39 Yeah Because I feel like Everybody remembers The beginning How you came out And then how you ended The middle is this whole fuckery Like
Starting point is 00:48:47 Like asking anybody out to a show What your favorite joke was Like if they're like Yo, I love the show What's your favorite joke They'll be like Honestly, man I did a bunch of whippets
Starting point is 00:48:55 Before the show Yeah But it's more just like The experience So there's some that'll stick out And there's ones that just Level the room with energy-wise But I think for the most part
Starting point is 00:49:04 People just Remember how you came out And how you ended Was it funny? Yes But also I find that Because for ten years I didn't write a new joke
Starting point is 00:49:14 You know that All the comics Make fun of me I have my set Right And I just did it Every I would go to Chicago
Starting point is 00:49:22 Every year For ten years in a row The same people would come out Yeah And they just didn't care Uh-huh I'm being real They're like
Starting point is 00:49:30 Hey Love the old act It's like Free Bird That's like When you go to They want to hear Free Bird Right You know what's weird
Starting point is 00:49:38 It's like You do it a second time They're like Yeah, he has it written But you do it a third time They're like The machine Yeah
Starting point is 00:49:46 So when you're doing that Are you Because what I always have Is like the bit doesn't change I just lose energy Over the years Yeah Excitement I think
Starting point is 00:49:55 So did you ever feel that During those ten years Where you're like Or you just really Planned out to it Obviously there are jokes That like I told the joke That I'm not
Starting point is 00:50:03 Where I'm like Let me just dig this one Out of the vault, right And I literally said it The way I did it On the Tonight Show back in 2000 What was the joke?
Starting point is 00:50:12 I don't want to say it It was Bill Clinton guys Crazy No It was just like You know my dad But the family stuff is timeless Yeah, but this one
Starting point is 00:50:22 Got It was I mean It was a packed main room show It literally got crickets No Where I had to Where I had to go Yeah
Starting point is 00:50:31 I should have dug that one out You know what I mean Like I had to say something Right But it was like Every time When I told my dad I want to do stand up
Starting point is 00:50:39 He goes But you're not funny You know Every time I would see him He'd see my show You're not funny though Why'd he laugh You know
Starting point is 00:50:49 And then one day he goes I have a joke I go knock knock I go who's there He goes You're not funny That was the joke What
Starting point is 00:50:57 It doesn't What When you tell that on stage I think you're lying That is a joke That does well I think you underestimate I mean I think you play it down
Starting point is 00:51:05 I think you probably did Well And I fuck You know what Fuck you You were doing the voice And you can't be doing voices
Starting point is 00:51:13 In 2022 We don't know What's going on You're from San Diego What's under that beanie Bobby Alright Are you allowed to laugh At an accent
Starting point is 00:51:21 Probably not Yeah I defined it to be No I will keep doing it All I'm saying about you Is that if it's an absolute Pandemonium
Starting point is 00:51:31 You think you failed But I think a lot of comedians Do that Same thing The whole show was great But one part was weird Or the awkward moment I had that last night
Starting point is 00:51:40 Literally in Seattle The late show There was like 30 seconds Of like weirdness Because somebody yelled Something out And then I couldn't get back On track for a second
Starting point is 00:51:48 And then I got off And I was all Fucking in the mood I was like Whatever But the whole show was great And I got messages Being like
Starting point is 00:51:56 That was awesome But you're like In your head over the one thing Don't you I hate I don't know what it is Fucked up interruptions You know what I mean
Starting point is 00:52:04 Yeah You got red nose reindeer And you're like What So People yell out a certain thing Because since I do videos People often times will yell out
Starting point is 00:52:12 A quote from the video Yeah And I had that I think in Portland It was like I just build up Where there's this moment of silence And then I say the joke
Starting point is 00:52:20 And then right in between I did this video about white claw It's dead silence She goes Ain't no lives in your drinking class And took all the momentum out of it Yeah And I was so mad
Starting point is 00:52:29 I was just like Out of all the fucking That's what it goes to show Yeah That somebody in the audience Is like They're just having a good time Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:37 It's you know They're not really pacing along With the fact that you're like Here's the build up And the punchline Like it's silent Let me turn this bitch up Or not
Starting point is 00:52:45 Oh Yeah Yeah I used to get like Do Connie Chung Because they You know There was certain
Starting point is 00:52:53 Because mad TV was like Everyone did impressions And you know You have guys like Frank Caliendo It was one of the best Impressions ever Aries Spears is a great impressionist
Starting point is 00:53:02 So they're like Can you do impressions And I'm like I can do Connie Chung I guess There's drunk Bobby Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:53:10 So I like I would like You know Mike would play Mori Povic And I would just go Good evening I'm Connie Chung You know what I mean
Starting point is 00:53:18 Just kind of some weird Solid Yeah Can you admit something What And this is gonna sound I don't know if this is racist Or the opposite of racist
Starting point is 00:53:26 But when I first started Dating you And Gardo asked me Wait Bobby Lee from Mad TV I was like
Starting point is 00:53:34 Yeah The guy who played No comment Guys no comment I'm trying to keep a clean record Here You fucking said that I swear on my life
Starting point is 00:53:43 I thought You played Miss Wan Oh Because I know you played Connie Chung I know you played a lot of characters But I also thought You were
Starting point is 00:53:51 Get the Range Rover Get the Range Rover Exactly Whatever it's called Oh my god And then he corrected me And he was like That was Alex Borstein
Starting point is 00:53:59 Oh man But wasn't Miss Wan Supposed to be Asian Oh thanks for doing this man I appreciate you guys Good job Not only Stay here man
Starting point is 00:54:08 Thank you for being here man I really like you man I really do a lot Hey thanks man Oh jeez So um That hurts me You might as well just said
Starting point is 00:54:19 Here's Was he on Last Comic Standing? No here's Here's how my My brain worked in that moment It was more like Of course he would play All the Asian characters
Starting point is 00:54:27 He's the only Asian guy on the show Miss Wan is Asian Of course that's Bobby Lee But Miss Wan was an Asian She wasn't? No Can we see a photo? No I know Alex Borstein is not
Starting point is 00:54:37 But the character is The character was more Bjorky Oh like Icelandic Icelandic Icelandic That's what I would have said Yeah thank you so much No because
Starting point is 00:54:46 When I got on the show Because she had left Come on That's so Asian I thought he was New Age No that's Bjork Duh Duh
Starting point is 00:54:56 Honestly? Yeah You know? Yeah Oh no Turn it Sorry What's happening?
Starting point is 00:55:05 The fucking heater water It's our water thing Oh my god Nothing's gonna explode Have you guys always recorded here? Um no I used to live in a smaller like Condo
Starting point is 00:55:19 Mmm I used to live like 10 minutes away from here Just right up the street And then I moved I'm sorry but you look exactly like Both Miss Wan and Connie Chung Okay who is that other lady? Connie Chung
Starting point is 00:55:29 Oh is that Connie Chung? Yeah That's you To the left? You're on the right Connie This is your first headshot Pretty dead on Yeah
Starting point is 00:55:37 As good Yeah Look at me That was so scared That was the first time That was the second sketch I ever did at Matt TV That's for you
Starting point is 00:55:45 For sure you on the left Yes 100% Honestly If I was a couple of Nickel Lobes deep That might not be your husband No Oh really? Yeah
Starting point is 00:55:55 And I remember Lauren Dombrowski the producer She Because it was in front of a live audience Yeah And I could It was like a monologue And I'd never
Starting point is 00:56:04 How much was it scripted versus rift? It was pretty much scripted And then the second pass You can do whatever you want Okay that makes sense Wait Gilbert not to be Accused of you being racist But I don't think the woman on the right
Starting point is 00:56:16 Is Connie Chung I just realized that Someone on the reddit started a whole form Saying this was Connie Chung But it's not No it's not Connie Chung at all Yeah yeah that's not Connie Chung Who is that?
Starting point is 00:56:26 I'm the one to the left That's some random That's Connie Connie Chung Pretty still pretty close though Yeah Pretty damn close But anyway I remember
Starting point is 00:56:35 The producer coming to me and going She grabbed my hand She goes Breathe Breathe Because I was like Hyperventilating Just nervous?
Starting point is 00:56:45 Oh my it was like I'd never been on a TV set before Yeah Too many people And from that And the cameras Yeah I think Green Day
Starting point is 00:56:54 Was also playing that They were there And I was just caught up And I had a panic attack And I remember her going You gotta breathe Because you know You and I
Starting point is 00:57:02 We started in these Shitty comedy clubs Right Right and we signed up You did open mics right Oh yeah Yeah and And that's where we
Starting point is 00:57:10 That's not a school It is a school But it's like It's not like the Groundlings or Second City Where you know what I mean There's trains There's gibbons
Starting point is 00:57:18 Yeah Yeah yeah You and I are pretty much like Warriors Warriors Fighting more drunk people At a very narrow bar Yeah
Starting point is 00:57:27 But There's a set When you first did it Did you Were you proud of yourself? Uh yeah The first time I did it I was 17
Starting point is 00:57:35 And Oh my god So I actually did A comedy class Because I'm a hack But when I was When I was 17 I did a class in Ventura
Starting point is 00:57:43 The Ventura Harbor Comedy Club Who taught it? Randy Lubis Do you know him? No He booked I don't know He was a road guy
Starting point is 00:57:51 Yeah yeah And then he opened up That club down there And then there was like A six week class At the very end You'd write a tight five And then you would perform
Starting point is 00:58:00 In front of like an audience And that first like pop That I got That was like I never felt something Like that Yeah was it Endorphins?
Starting point is 00:58:08 The Rush I guess Like I'd never felt that before And I was like oh shit This is Like I almost like blacked out That five minutes flew by Yeah anyone listening to Right now
Starting point is 00:58:16 What Trevor is I'm saying People live in fear Right And people get scared To try things What I'm saying is That you should try
Starting point is 00:58:26 Whatever it is That you want to do Try it because that's sensation Yeah Even if it's not good Even if it's terrible Just the attempt to do it Yeah get a finger in your ass
Starting point is 00:58:38 Yeah Yeah It makes you feel You get a finger in your ass You know that's where The male G spot is Yeah Talked about this
Starting point is 00:58:46 Extensively We talked about that I just know people listening Are like What is he implying here But try something new Yeah yeah Whether it's stand up
Starting point is 00:58:54 I think there's a G stop G stop Yeah There's a fucking roundabout Up in that pitch Cold to sack Alright G spot
Starting point is 00:59:05 Yeah Right G spot In your anus Yeah I think that should be the title This episode I know but have you stuck
Starting point is 00:59:13 Your finger in your anus Not my own Right Not my own I don't want to talk about Because we talked about Assholes with Dominic last week Right
Starting point is 00:59:21 Like four hours Yeah for four hours What do you As a you know As a comic young gun What do you watch For entertainment Do you play video game
Starting point is 00:59:29 What do you do It's tiktok like an idiot I just scroll tiktok Until my thumbs are That's what she does Same Yeah I don't really watch A lot of shows
Starting point is 00:59:37 My girlfriend watches a lot of TV But I don't know I just like the impulse And kind of just keep busy Because I can't sit still For too long I start fidgeting And that's what's great about tiktok
Starting point is 00:59:46 You're constantly doing something But like TV I'm just sitting there Yeah And it just But do you have ADHD I don't know what it is I just
Starting point is 00:59:54 I feel like I'm always just I need to be doing something If you're watching television Or a show with your girlfriend Do you feel the need to scroll At this time Something yeah I mean it's like a slow scene
Starting point is 01:00:03 And somebody's crying And like Alright Instagram stories it is You know You got bad grades in high school Yeah it wasn't great Yeah 2.7 GPA
Starting point is 01:00:11 Yeah so I think you I mean I'm not a psychologist Because that's what I have I cannot sit still But I've been trying to do I don't know But Tetris now
Starting point is 01:00:21 You and I Tetris For some reason decided that Tetris was back in the mix And we're both What Just really hardcore into Tetris And it's just like
Starting point is 01:00:30 It takes up like 16 hours Of our days Yeah Like the classic one Or is it a new app The classic Just on our iPad Yeah
Starting point is 01:00:38 But there's like a 3 minute one Where you You know what I mean And it's like It'll say You're ranked number 10 In Los Angeles Wow
Starting point is 01:00:46 And in your head You're like I gotta get 5 And you're going down to Craig's Let me get a table Yeah Last night Since you don't watch this
Starting point is 01:00:54 I want to recommend something I've been watching I watched Long Lost Family Again Again You know what it is No I don't
Starting point is 01:01:02 I just love this one Again Yeah it was a show on TLC TLC's got great shows Thank you I like shitty TV 90 day fiance is my jam Yeah
Starting point is 01:01:11 Oh good Married at first sight Married at first sight Yes all those are great Love is blind Love is blind I don't really watch It's like I watch shows
Starting point is 01:01:19 That are on flights You know Cause you fly so much You're like Oh great This is on here But every once in a while I'll go through like a phase
Starting point is 01:01:27 Where I gotta watch it 90 day fiance was that for me I became so invested in that Show Right And I used to Like in high school My parents both went to
Starting point is 01:01:35 Work during the summer So I would just watch Like Jerry Spinger and Marry Just sitting on the couch Just a piece of shit Just drinking Mountain Dew Watching it So you didn't watch
Starting point is 01:01:43 Squid games Or anything that's pop No I didn't Because honestly It got too much hype Like all the spoilers Were already out There's too much going on
Starting point is 01:01:51 But that's why Like 90 day fiance You can flip on any given channel Any given episode And be like Oh this is good Very easy to follow Easy to follow
Starting point is 01:01:59 Who's your favorite Couple lately On 90 day? I haven't watched The newest episode But I will say The necklace guy What's the one we had on
Starting point is 01:02:10 Ed? Dude you know who it was The head grows That one's good But there's this guy He had like He had really intense Like
Starting point is 01:02:18 He's from Canada He had really intense Like bags under his eyes And he was like A men's coach How do I not know him? And he was like They didn't go on like
Starting point is 01:02:27 Washington If you type it in But this guy was like He taught like mail Like strength seminars This guy? Yes Oh my god
Starting point is 01:02:36 The guy from Australia This dude crushes So he's like So he does like You could have just said Indian dude No I don't think You don't have to do the fucking
Starting point is 01:02:44 You know the raccoon eyes They have I thought he was Canadian No he's not He's from Australia And I think he's actually From Mauritius Yeah
Starting point is 01:02:53 And he had the girl But yeah the girl on the right But like he's like A men's guru And the best episode In the history Is he's talking to like Nine women on like
Starting point is 01:03:02 Why women are dumb Right And how they edit it It's all these dramatic zooms On these ladies being like There's no dudes here You're bombing right now That's because his entire
Starting point is 01:03:12 Identity was a fraud I mean the whole show's like Right But the whole time I was watching this season I was like Somebody get his thyroid checked Because clearly that's
Starting point is 01:03:21 Except Falmas This thing that bulging of his eyes Yeah And then the girl Like called him out He's just Indian Anyway No he was great
Starting point is 01:03:29 I did watch Tinder Swindler recently though We saw that We loved that I just like how he calls everybody The enemies That's great Just really
Starting point is 01:03:37 The lady taking your order In and out enemies I like that That's fun But long let me Pitch the long lost family Okay Basically
Starting point is 01:03:45 You know You won't be for long No If it's on TLC TLC is Gossip Ray shows So it's like Either somebody was
Starting point is 01:03:54 Given up for adoption Either the mom Or dad Looking for their son Or vice versa Who is it Through adoption Like when parents
Starting point is 01:04:03 Give their kid away Or a mother Gives their kid away At birth And then you know 40 years down the road The mom goes I'm trying to look for my kid
Starting point is 01:04:12 So they find the kid for them And they reunite Right Oh, I'm in Yeah, I'm in It makes me cry Right But let me ask you something
Starting point is 01:04:22 If you were If you Because there was one where Some guy Found out his mom was still homeless Oh Yeah Would you
Starting point is 01:04:33 I don't even want to go down this line I'm just saying that If If I Just hear my I'm going to go in a different direction Right I like the first one
Starting point is 01:04:45 What was the first one What was the first one I will In a second, okay But I think this will clear it up If I was like Given up for adoption And I looked for
Starting point is 01:04:54 And my parents were Rockefellers I'd be like Yeah Mommy Right Right But it's like
Starting point is 01:05:02 If the reverse happened Would you I don't know Excited So if you're looking to Find your mom You find out your mom's homeless Yeah
Starting point is 01:05:12 I mean, I would definitely try to help her Yeah I know, but there's We don't know Because you're a guy who's only looking At what he can get from people Whoa Not what he can give
Starting point is 01:05:24 Get the Range Rover, Bobby Get that Range Rover Get that Range Rover And this time I only want one door on it For you and you only Yeah, maybe you're right You know what You're right
Starting point is 01:05:38 I would be excited Because I can give them a sandwich And they'd be happy and stuff Yeah Yeah, yeah That'd be cool But this is like I don't want
Starting point is 01:05:47 The constant calling Like to mom again You think she has a phone? There's no call Yeah Yeah Okay, all right Wow
Starting point is 01:05:56 Maybe I am shallow You think I'm shallow And that Yeah, sometimes In that way I am Yeah Like if you had said something else Like I'm just afraid
Starting point is 01:06:04 That she's gonna Continually hit me up for like Like let's say She had a A drug problem, right? I'd be afraid to You know I don't want to be the enabler
Starting point is 01:06:14 She's always gonna want to Hit me up and then I'm always gonna want to give her money That's a long What I was thinking That was not That's a long time I could feel it
Starting point is 01:06:22 George, right? Could you feel it, right? Is that thought Where you're a month in And then all of a sudden She's just like You got any more aluminum foil You're like
Starting point is 01:06:30 You didn't make any food What are you doing with that foil? Yeah And she made a hat Or whatever Yeah, my point is that You know I feel like they're gonna
Starting point is 01:06:38 Hit you up a lot And it's gonna become Like a co-dependent relationship It just seems like more Just added problems almost What? Argue It's not an arque
Starting point is 01:06:51 You just That's the assumption that all Homeless people become You know, homeless Because of one thing But it could be many things That's true We live in a tough, tough country
Starting point is 01:07:01 We live in a tough society I saw a homeless guy Recently going up And he had a sign And at the bottom He had his Instagram handle on it And I wanted to hate But I was like
Starting point is 01:07:12 Honestly, why not? Why not? Yeah And I You remember it? Let's shout him out No, no, no, this was over This was like three months ago
Starting point is 01:07:20 My biggest thought was like What if he doesn't follow you back? That's devastating That would Yeah, you're right Yeah That's what he gets That's how he gets
Starting point is 01:07:30 Because he's really obsessed With American Idol So what he does is Like, last week He was just on the couch Just going through Every single contestant's Instagram See if they follow him
Starting point is 01:07:40 And then being like Dude, I love you You did so great If you need tips Hit me back up And I'm like Bobby, what tips are you going to give him? No, that's not true
Starting point is 01:07:48 That's a lie And then if they don't I said I'm not done And then if they don't follow him Back within two days He unfollows them And then there's some message
Starting point is 01:07:56 But I know that sounds like crazy But I've definitely Thought that before I'll be like Oh, this person is cool I'm cool I'm verified You're verified
Starting point is 01:08:05 Let's hang out And then they don't get back to you And you're like Well It looks like a relationship ends here I have before But I don't try to do that No, what I do is
Starting point is 01:08:13 If they're just a regular person That's not verified I've had that Where I follow them And they haven't followed me In years And then I'll just start Unfollowing them
Starting point is 01:08:22 I've been getting Pure pressure a lot lately Like at the Laugh Factory Just like other people Coming up Be like, yo man You got Instagram I'm like, yes
Starting point is 01:08:30 I'm like, so what's your name But then they go to type in Your name But they've already searched Your name But then they do that Where they kind of like They show them following you
Starting point is 01:08:41 Like, yeah I just follow you And then you're like Uh-uh You silence That's what I've been doing I've been scrolling through The people that I'm following
Starting point is 01:08:50 And what do you call it When you mute them Mute them I've been muting them It's been very helpful I'm not being rude I'm just trying to find The video of you scrolling
Starting point is 01:08:58 Through Instagram people I mean, I'm sorry American Idol contestants Okay Can I back up this American Idol thing? Yeah I didn't fucking do that
Starting point is 01:09:06 By the way, okay There's four videos here I'm looking at Oh, stop Stop Let me just explain myself Alright, I'm sorry Trevor
Starting point is 01:09:14 I want to be We're new friends, right? Yeah Alright, so I love American Idol Okay So I admit it I love any show
Starting point is 01:09:24 Where people can conquer Their fear Right When they get nervous And they're able to pull it off It's inspirational to me 100% Right
Starting point is 01:09:33 When people do that And it makes me Want to go out in the world And try it I don't have a problem with that I'm not done I'm not fucking done, alright I'm not done
Starting point is 01:09:42 Nice framing Thank you, buddy My beautiful lady Thank you, Joe So what I did was There was two dudes On American Idol That I liked their auditions
Starting point is 01:09:54 So what I did was Oh, you're DMing off auditions? I thought you were talking about like Final round No, no, no, no, no But like, you're like DMing them Like, welcome to Hollywood I'm the gatekeeper
Starting point is 01:10:07 Got the fuck up, George I love you So, I love it No, that laugh was good Do you ever DM people who bomb? No Okay, sorry to interrupt So anyway, I fucking follow them, right?
Starting point is 01:10:18 Yeah And if I don't get around Yeah, but their activities pop in Because they're on the show that week I know, but the dude But the two dudes They go, holy shit Bobby Lee's following me
Starting point is 01:10:30 Directly, they say that Right, so the DM, right? Uh-huh And then I can read you the fucking exchange I just don't like how you're like Bro, if you need tips I know, I'm gonna show you I'm gonna read you the fucking exchange I had
Starting point is 01:10:40 I'm gonna plug these guys Because I think they're fucking great guys Let me guess Can we just make sure they get to like Top 24 before you plug them? Is it Christian Gordino, that guy? No, I don't know, hold on Well, Christian Gordino just gotta plug
Starting point is 01:10:51 So, here we go There was one guy named Noah Thompson How many followers you got? Noah Thompson? Yeah Has 7,000 followers Alright, well, let's change the subject No, what did you do to him?
Starting point is 01:11:06 So I go, great job He goes, thank you dude I go, this is so gross This is so gross He just said thank you dude, that's it No, because I said Great job on the, you know what I mean On your audition
Starting point is 01:11:15 Read everything, read everything Right, so this is so embarrassing though Oh, I mean Alright, so I go I thought you were watching American Idol This kid was really good though Yeah, yeah, so I go Which kid?
Starting point is 01:11:25 Yeah, this kid So I go, honestly, just be yourself Oh my god No! Just let me finish Let me finish Stop, stop this for a second, alright Honestly, just be yourself
Starting point is 01:11:36 They say never meet your hero dude I go, you've got it Right Hollywood and show business is bullshit Oh my god Dude, these guys probably think you're trying to fuck Yes, it's a little weird It's a little weird
Starting point is 01:11:52 Alright, I'm gonna delete it I'm gonna delete it a whole lot It's so predatory No, no, no, no, no, it's so bad I gotta forget the pressure and have fun And enjoy the experience It keeps going What if he had no idea who you were
Starting point is 01:12:04 And he's like, this guy's just really going off right now That's weird He's like, how do you know dude? So he goes, for sure LOL, appreciate that a lot man Coming from you Feels good, right? So he knows you
Starting point is 01:12:16 I have to double down now, right? If you have any questions Like I don't know anything about music Or how Like I'm telling you This boy half expects to see a dick pic next Right, yeah So just send me a message
Starting point is 01:12:29 I'm a comedian, but I know things Oh my god You said that Oh my god This is literally like You know what they do to catch a predator And they're reading the text? That's what it sounds like
Starting point is 01:12:40 It's like you said you are a 50 year old comedian Is that right? You know? Yeah, yeah, yeah Bone town, 69 So Alright
Starting point is 01:12:50 That's not the only one That's not the only one There's another, there's another guy So what did he say back to that? He goes I watch yourself all the time bro Love everything you do Definitely will, thanks so much man
Starting point is 01:13:00 But did he follow you back? Yes Okay, I thought it was going to end There's another guy now Cole Hallman He's from San Diego Nice He goes, is this actually Bobby Lee?
Starting point is 01:13:11 Feels good Did you just comment on my Instagram? Haha, what the hell That's what he said Yeah I just watched podcast clips of you yesterday Haha, right? Alright
Starting point is 01:13:22 Now here's a little monologue I do Oh no Yeah man I'm fucking verified bro Who said I'm fucking verified bro? You know why he went through it? You just lost phone for a little while He put it on the counter
Starting point is 01:13:41 I said kidding I said kidding You know why you were rude? Because he was already praising you too much up front You don't react well to people praising you Alright people, don't analyze it Don't analyze it
Starting point is 01:13:53 He's reading the fucking thing You were thirsty for Noah's love You weren't thirsty for him So I go dude, American Idol is my favorite show and my girlfriend and I loved you and Noah Oh you threw me in there? I had to Make it sound like he's not as creepy
Starting point is 01:14:06 Right You are authentic Girlfriend I go you are authentic and super talented Good luck brother If you need anything, we're here We He probably followed you
Starting point is 01:14:20 He's gonna see you as a super mark and be like I could actually use some help right now I don't have any spare change I'm sorry But the reason why Because here's what I don't like about American Idol Whenever somebody has a sad story I fast forward it
Starting point is 01:14:34 Like when they go You know my godmother just died a month ago I don't give a shit But whenever they do the sad Whenever they do the sad story You know their audition is gonna go well I want them to show the sad story And then they bomb
Starting point is 01:14:47 Yes And then the pressure of saying no to someone Who just had a tragedy in their life But it's like they show this whole thing They're building it up So when they do give the golden buzzer It's this whole big ordeal The golden buzzer I'll tear up a little
Starting point is 01:14:59 I'll tear up a little Here's another thing That's a different show though So there's three ways they cheat Contestants In any of these variety shows They either have a sad story You're a kid
Starting point is 01:15:10 That's cheating Because you have a leg up And then if you have some sort of disability Don't say I'm sorry Or if you have all three of them You're going to haunt everybody You don't even have to audition They just do the golden buzzer
Starting point is 01:15:25 You're like hey my name is You're in But one day I wish I had a good voice So I would pretend I would go audition I'd have like You know what I mean I would do like Freddie Krueger makeup
Starting point is 01:15:36 With the crutches I'd give you a golden buzzer I was in a fire and sing And then once I got the fucking You know what I mean The golden buzzer I'd rip off my mask Take the fucking
Starting point is 01:15:46 It's like fuck you You know what I mean And now people are DMing you Just be yourself Bobby you got this Yeah I have those fantasies You know
Starting point is 01:15:55 But I love American Idol And that was creepy And I should not do that again Have you gotten Not messaged back from anyone You sent a message to Because that would hurt Oh yeah he talked about it to this day
Starting point is 01:16:05 There was a girl on the voice Named Mariah She's so talented She was this rocker But there was a girl named Katie On the voice Oh yeah Katie And we're going to go to Katie
Starting point is 01:16:14 And we're going to go to her show In three weeks Yeah I told you about it You don't go to anything anyway Every time I invite you to shit You don't go My point is that it does work Right
Starting point is 01:16:25 But there's been like Just shut But um And that's you know Chloe Kohanski was another one We've got Noah Another voice guy A lot of plugs tonight
Starting point is 01:16:34 Noah did our podcast And we love it So that's how you do it You go hey And if they don't respond They don't like you It does feel good If somebody hires up
Starting point is 01:16:43 Like when I heard the shout On bad friends I was like Like I got That's the most message I got From a lot of people in a while About like Oh did you see
Starting point is 01:16:51 That you were on this or that So that felt cool Yeah because You know I don't want to toot Your little fucking horn Yeah how'd you text me What you said on bad friends
Starting point is 01:16:59 A little different I would have been I'm weird If I DMM'd you Oh yeah that would be weird Yeah you're right Your self Trevor Your self Trevor
Starting point is 01:17:07 I had Bobby Lee It's a checkmark You pussy bitch Okay it's embarrassing Alright it's embarrassing But you know what I'm okay with it I thought that story was
Starting point is 01:17:15 Hilarious Yeah it's funny And it's weird And I feel like I'm going to change Yeah Yeah I'm not going to do that So is that the thing
Starting point is 01:17:23 Alright so Look can I just say this too Trevor We really had a good time With you here on the show That has been great Honestly It's been awesome
Starting point is 01:17:33 We really had a good time With you I can't believe I'm a resident member Yeah yeah And we would love to formally Ask you back one day Being the rotation Am I paid regular?
Starting point is 01:17:43 Yeah you're paid regular At Tiger Belly I would love to I really like you Thank you So at the end of our podcast We do a thing called Unhelpful Advice
Starting point is 01:17:52 Awesome And people email us Problems and we'll try To answer them Let's do it Unhelpful Advice With Trevor Wallace That's your voice
Starting point is 01:18:00 Yeah Yeah That was great Thanks man Hey guys My birthday is 42093 There are times when people ask me What my birthday is
Starting point is 01:18:09 And when I tell them Sometimes the response is Hey you have the same birthday As Hitler Or oh 420 The day Columbine was shot up And of course the response That every person has had
Starting point is 01:18:18 A puff of weed says Cool B day What should I say in response To the Hitler Columbine Massacre scenarios Or should I Can I get past The small pet peeve of mine
Starting point is 01:18:27 Or how do I get past The small pet peeve of mine Your birthday is 421 Yeah Live Yeah exactly It's that Do you have another one
Starting point is 01:18:36 Okay Just live Just go to Cheesecake Factory Oh it's tomorrow Not today Hey guys The weird question Also no one has ever asked me
Starting point is 01:18:44 What's your birthday Have you No I think more so What's your sign Is more common Yeah Yeah I mean it's Los Angeles
Starting point is 01:18:52 That's how they get your drink order Like and your sign is Capricorn will spit in it There you go Alright the next question Is from H.S. When I'm eating I lick food off my fingers
Starting point is 01:19:03 They get a little messy I don't even think about it And I've never had anyone say anything My husband recently got back From being away From the military for over a year And he immediately had A problem with it
Starting point is 01:19:13 And has mentioned it A couple of times Asking me to stop A guy he worked with In the last year Who he didn't like Licked his fingers while eating too And he said
Starting point is 01:19:21 Me doing it Reminds me of him I'm a bit over sensitive right now Because I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety But it really bothers me That he's selling dislikes it so much It makes me feel less comfortable Around him
Starting point is 01:19:31 And I feel like I have to watch The little move I do Am I being unreasonable to be upset What should I do Well coming from a finger licker I mean I fist my mouth If I eat with my hands number one And I lick every one of my fingers
Starting point is 01:19:46 So the husband essentially Just doesn't like that Right So coming from This is why I don't break bread With anyone Just anybody You know the skill
Starting point is 01:19:54 I don't go out with Be like oh let's have lunch I don't do casual lunches Brunches none of that It's only with people I know And only because I have a way of eating And that is with whole like
Starting point is 01:20:04 Yeah Yeah I do it with conviction Your eyes sometimes go Across that too Right I do it with conviction And full enjoyment And I don't want the judgment
Starting point is 01:20:12 Okay So Can you give me an example Like what a meal Like for instance Cause I know Yeah I think I've done the same Or like I've seen it
Starting point is 01:20:20 Like it's a For instance like I eat We have Right we're Asians There's always rice In a lot of our meals I don't use a spoon I don't use a fork
Starting point is 01:20:28 Or if I use a spoon It's gonna be in my right hand And I scoop it in this way Yeah But I like to get messy I like to use my hands I like to break the chicken I like to do
Starting point is 01:20:36 It's just Okay We were in Cebu in the Philippines She's half Filipino right That's where she grew up And we went on an island And they had this gigantic table
Starting point is 01:20:46 With a gigantic fish on it With a bunch of just Rice On top of the fish Yeah There's no utensils You just grab it with your fingers Okay
Starting point is 01:20:56 Yeah And this lady Yeah What? What? That's her husband It doesn't matter Leave
Starting point is 01:21:04 I think there's a combination Where you can kind of make it sexy Like if you get hot keto dust Off your finger You know you gotta get the dust But then do it a little quickly I think Like there's a way to like
Starting point is 01:21:12 Yeah It's a weird thing to hate Yeah but it's like There are certain things That she does That kind of annoy me Can you please name a couple Yeah
Starting point is 01:21:21 Say them right now Well sometimes At four in the morning I'll look over Be careful I have my mouth open I have to or else I'll die I know
Starting point is 01:21:31 I still bother It still bothers me I have collapsed nasal You know what I mean I think this is what you do What? Because I have collapsed nasal valve So I can't breathe through my nose
Starting point is 01:21:40 If I don't sleep with my mouth Slightly open If I accidentally sleep with my mouth closed I wake up in an episode And my heart kicks off Oh I think this is what you do But do you make a noise
Starting point is 01:21:50 If your mouth is open? I don't snore I don't do anything It's just the fact that Your mouth is open at all But it's open like this It's not even like that And that's enough for Bob
Starting point is 01:21:59 To be like fucking close Are you? What? Name me something that I do That bothers you Your mouth isn't just open You look like you should be unplugged From a ventilator
Starting point is 01:22:08 You're like Why is it so open? Yeah It's so wide Like six dicks could fit in there Do you snore? No Yes
Starting point is 01:22:19 That's funny That's how he sleeps You're one to fucking talk I just gave an example Okay name another I didn't get slammed Name another This is great
Starting point is 01:22:30 No I don't want to fight You know If I name something You promise not to get mad Yeah All right I just feel like When I'm playing Tetris and stuff
Starting point is 01:22:41 Right And you know I'm playing Tetris I'm playing Tetris with you I know But you're like Kick the dogs out And I'm in a game Yeah
Starting point is 01:22:51 That bothers me too All right Well that's fair Trevor Does your lady do anything that bothers you? Yeah Yeah So she
Starting point is 01:23:00 And this doesn't sound great But she's a wonderful woman She drools a little bit Yeah So Like when you're talking? No like she's like laying down Yeah
Starting point is 01:23:12 Like we're like an angry one Yeah Um Yeah But to get it up Like in a mouth she's just like a little soy like Oh that noise But I'm not a big fan of it
Starting point is 01:23:24 But what am I What am I gonna say like Fuck it hey Yeah Stop drooling all right Yeah My dad had this thing where If you drank water
Starting point is 01:23:32 And if you did a Ah It would drive him crazy Really I see for me The slurping thing drives me nuts Like when people have their cereal And they hit the slurp on it
Starting point is 01:23:41 Or like when they crack a soda And do a slurp Like that's My biggest pet peeve ever So when I found out She did that kind of slurp thing I was like baby I love you
Starting point is 01:23:49 We gotta work through this But I'm wearing earplugs around the house Yeah Like a pet peeve Why When I'm in a Korean spa We gotta go to this Korean spa And Korean men will abruptly
Starting point is 01:24:00 Make a certain noise And it just irritates me Like I'll be in the steam room And I'll hear it just It'd be completely silent And I'll be still here I go I go I go I go I go But all older Koreans say that
Starting point is 01:24:12 I know but just out of nowhere But is it like from pain Or is it No it's like a stretching I go I go I go I go It's always I go I go I go I go Because when your mom gets in the car She does the I go I go too
Starting point is 01:24:22 Yeah and I go No what the fuck is I go You know what I mean I think Just go ow ow What is it from It's just like I don't know what it
Starting point is 01:24:31 Yeah it's like that It's like oh I'm stretching But it's more I go I go I go I go I go You know I don't like it Wow It just bothers me Wow About the licking
Starting point is 01:24:40 Here's the thing I don't like utensils hitting The back of the teeth Okay Like if you're spooning something And it goes clank I don't hear it Or when you do it
Starting point is 01:24:49 Oh It's like metal chopsticks Oh How do you feel about chopsticks With the rubber bands And it was like the Oh the trainer ones Oh yeah
Starting point is 01:24:58 Aw that makes me so mad Dude that's my whole childhood I mean like look at me Alright alright Look at me Okay okay Can you do chopsticks now Yeah yeah I'm good
Starting point is 01:25:07 Go with it yeah You just stab the Yeah yeah No I can do it Yeah So what I do is So she likes to lick her fingers right Yeah he hates it
Starting point is 01:25:18 This is what I do Raw denim You know raw denim You don't wash But to make raw denim look good You smear food on it Really? Yeah he's looking at me shaking
Starting point is 01:25:27 Right so this is what I do When I'm eating like I purposely eat stuff with my hand And I'll just wipe it And it just has a cool sheen Wow It smells like shit Right it's super dirty
Starting point is 01:25:38 But it looks dope You kind of just smell like Whataburger You know what That's another thing I have a pet peeve With the smell of scalp Scalp
Starting point is 01:25:48 Yeah How's my scalp? When you don't wash your hair every day It bothers me Don't look at me man I don't know how to get you out of that one Do you wash your hair every day? Not every day
Starting point is 01:26:01 Thank you But I'm six feet So not a lot of people are near my scalp That's a good point That's a good point No because my girlfriend's shorter than me And if I hug her And you know
Starting point is 01:26:09 I'm nose level If I wanted I could get some scalp If I wanted a quick little sniff But you know Maybe just smell the hair part Not the scalp But scalp is a very thick aroma to me Oh
Starting point is 01:26:21 Well okay You know what I don't like? The dirty pussies The pussies are pretty dirty Anywho Anywho I hope that answers your question You have any plugs?
Starting point is 01:26:45 I also have a podcast called Stiff Socks And then I'm on tour right now I'm so jealous of that name Stiff Socks Yeah You do it with Michael Blouson
Starting point is 01:26:55 And he's a foot expert He's a foot fetish guy Yes we want I have so many questions for him He's No I thought it was like a bit I thought he was leaning into it He's like for real
Starting point is 01:27:04 You guys have guests? Yeah we'd love to have See Bokey See this is one Because you're up here Bobby I feel like I have one shot to be like Would you do my podcast? And then like this fucking kid
Starting point is 01:27:16 But now we're friends And you're booked for tomorrow Bobby you're booked for tomorrow I could do it this week Or next week You want to do it tomorrow? I'll do it next week I promise I'll do it next week
Starting point is 01:27:28 You just called it I'll do it next week I did what the people do to me To be like follow me on Instagram Yeah What were you saying? I'll do it next week But I want to say this
Starting point is 01:27:36 You're a part of our family And every time You have my number now If you ever need anything You know what I mean If you ever need any advice I'm gonna just You know
Starting point is 01:27:47 Oh yeah Read you what I told Let him plug his dates first Yeah go ahead Oh yeah we got a bunch of dates When is this air by the way? Next week Next week
Starting point is 01:27:56 Awesome yeah so the next week That Thursday on the 24th of March I'm in New York City The town hall Boston the Wilbur two shows And then North Carolina Atlanta Buffalo Toronto Huntington not selling
Starting point is 01:28:07 Long Island's not moving So if you guys got a big Long Island base Turn up Yeah Philadelphia Baltimore San Diego San Diego Which one Which one American Comedy Company
Starting point is 01:28:17 Or are you doing the Theater It's a theater out there And then Finishing off in Los Angeles May 20th So Trevor Wall's Comedy
Starting point is 01:28:25 So guys Anyone listening to me right now I'm telling you right now Go see him Because He'll get to a point one day Where he's gonna do Gigantic places
Starting point is 01:28:34 And You know You might have to get tickets So Go see him now This kid on the rise He's so good Alright
Starting point is 01:28:42 Give him a round of applause Yeah Very nice What happened What happened I want to know everything What? Wait
Starting point is 01:28:58 Hang on Tell me when I saw the car And it seemed cheap Sweetie honestly Yeah Now seeing it in the world I only saw it in the like
Starting point is 01:29:08 Because when you go on a lot They're all next to each other You have nothing to compare it to But now I looked at it There's cars around You know other people's cars parked I looked at my car
Starting point is 01:29:18 Your car Hang on Yeah No honestly Sweetie I think you should get it This one You know what I'm gonna get it in spite of you
Starting point is 01:29:30 You just fucked up You don't think I'm gonna get it now I'm gonna fucking get it I've never wanted you to get A car so bad in my life I'm gonna get that car Thank you Please
Starting point is 01:29:38 Call the guy Please Alright anyway I'm gonna get it in spite of you You don't think I'm gonna get it now I'm gonna fucking get it now I'm gonna fucking get it I'm gonna fucking get it now
Starting point is 01:29:53 I'm gonna fucking get it now I'm gonna fucking get it now I'm gonna fucking get it now I'm gonna fucking get it now I'm gonna fucking get it now Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely Ad-Free on Amazon Music, download the Amazon Music app today, or you can listen to Ad-Free with Wondri Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondri.com.

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