TigerBelly - Ep 340: Trevor Wallace & The Verified Bro
Episode Date: March 23, 2022Bobby advises American Idols. Trevor is beef dick. Khalyla dates Miss Swan. We talk positive Portland graffiti, TLC shows, pick knuckles, and Range Rover Evoque.New Merch: www.sleptkingdom.co...mSupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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I
Want everyone to know that
Papa the king, you know, it's a small kingdom
Yeah, right, but it's all it's mighty, you know, I I'm gonna buy a brand new car
And I want to get you know arranged over equinox. That's not it. That's not even what it's called. What's it called?
It's an evoke evoke evoke
You what's equinox? It's a gym. Oh
Hi, and Jim. What's that?
Song Oh Zana do
It's that's different, right? Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry my bad
But so I want to get a new car and so I've been going to lots. I went to Toyota
And I just realized
Can each one, you know, I've done it. Oh, baby. What's up? Can each one? I've done it
I've done Toyota's all my life. Have you done all Toyota models though? What Toyota models have you had?
I've had a station wagon. I don't know models. Here's the deal guys and I before you get into your cold car culture fucking
Judgment I'm not into car culture when I rent a car. I go to the lot and they go what kind of car I go
I don't give a thick does it move?
Yes, then I'll get it and in terms of like when I'm in a car and somebody goes, isn't it smooth?
I go, I don't know and get a Corolla. It's reliable. I know but I would rather your hundred
But you're not listening. Okay, that I want to get something outside of the Japanese family
I love the Japanese, right? So I'm thinking I
Range rather sounds American to me. Why never Korean? Why not Hyundai? I couldn't find a lot
I went to Pasadena. I went over to the Sherman Oaks. There was no Hyundai
You know how that you go to there's like that one street, you know, and I walk up and down
I act like a fucking asshole too. What do you do? I because I don't wear my beanie because I want people to think I have money
Because when I go into Cadillac, right? It's just when you go in there, it's like uncomfortable. So I do this thing with my hair
Alright, so you're you're on the law. I'm in there and I'll just I don't know why I'll just do this
They're like that guy's got money. It's very that's very blue blood of you. Yeah, Korean royalty does I think it's very royal
The way I do it young bang and they go hello, hello, and I go hello. What car? How much is this?
You know, what's the GPA drive shift? I don't know what the fuck
But I've never even seen a fucking Fast and Furious fucking movie. That's why that's how little I know about cars
I don't give a shit. So I based cars on the way I look so this
Range Rover
Evoke right it looks like a giant giant pill bug
Like a tank
Yeah, but that Malibu Barbie would drive you want to be Malibu Barbie. Yeah, I love Malibu Barbie out of all the Barbie
She's my favorite
The black bar is okay. Yeah, I mean, but now I love black Barbie as well. Is there an Asian Barbie?
They just came out with one. I think yeah, just yeah as a 20-20. You're right because growing up
I only had white Barbies in Asia. Yeah, they call it Bobby. Okay, don't do it bar. They call Paul
I just don't call you Barbie bar
Malibu Bobby, so I want so then you were suggested the BMW MX x6 x6 and here's your evoke for people
Yeah, I understand why it's look at that one good car
Sweetie silhouette the silhouettes nice and the back is nice and look at that one. That's the one
That's the one. I want to guess what's gonna hurt my heart
What I know what you want to do in in terms of like putting a rap like customizing your whatever dream car
You're gonna spend a hundred fifty thousand dollars on like a twenty dollar car
And that's what's gonna hurt my feelings because ultimately it's I mean Range Rover is a great brand for like some of their models
But just not this one
It doesn't even have a good Edmunds rating. All right. What's the one above it then?
What's the one above it? What do you mean above it? Get a real Range Rover a Range Rover?
That's like a little bigger than that one that you know, I mean, yeah, don't get the sport get the real Range Rover then
They're so big though. It's huge. They look like Chappelle AC
Yeah, this is too big what about the self-driving Tesla the X I don't do Teslas why I just don't what they
My friend Jean has one I go in I don't like it. It's just got a screen
And then that's it but then I like little gadgets and things like gas prices are like eight dollars like a gas plus
It's you're saying fuck. I don't know where to electrify. No car
George tell him where
Yeah, at home
At home
You just plug it in at home. You never have to
Okay, what if I go to like what if I go to like um, um Wyoming I drive to Wyoming never well
No, I'm just saying what if let's just scenario wise apocalypse. They have charging station
You do have to play there is no charging stations from on the on the 10 and Laramie when you go out into the desert
Oh, yeah, yeah, they love charging stations in the desert. That's exactly where they have it
You can just route your whole like your whole travels through America
You can see charging stations. It's charging station. You're taking nappy naps and they got like the doors that go up like wings
Yeah, come on. They're so expensive, too
Yeah, yeah, I mean you're talking about like a hundred thousand dollars. Yeah, you know, I mean and I'm not you know
I was gonna name a comic. I'm not
Anthony Jesle neck
What is he drive?
I've probably something so fancy
Yeah, he seems like someone who would choose something very functional and reliable. Yeah, what a functional guy, huh?
I love him. I love him, too
He's a little snooty
Cut that out cut that part out cut that part out
Do you want a kaibai ball cover by what if if I win I get to choose what car
You get to buy your little Bart Malibu. No, I'm not doing no cover
I'm not fit now. I'm being real kaibai ball with a come on. You're being up
What I don't even know what this game you guys explain the rules you do them on three. This is rock. This is paper on three
Okay, ready? Yeah
Oh, wow
I
Okay, you're one zero
Range Rover you've over
Baby, let's go. I love it. Thank you Lord. I believe in God now. I really do believe in God now and I think he did that
I'm getting one. You know what? I'm gonna do it in spite. You could buy it. I honestly think I
Honestly would love to see you in an evoke. I think there's such a perfect car for you. What is she doing Bobby?
What is she doing? She's doing mind manipulations, and I don't like it. No, honestly, sweetie
There is no better match for you. I think for the last two days. You've been saying are you I changed my mind
I think it's so perfect for you
Please get it tomorrow. You know the last couple that you've been calling me that word that you're not allowed to say in Florida anymore
All right, so I'm just gonna let you know you've been using that word
No, if you can't evoke you say you're gonna be you're that word and I use that word anymore
Please buy it tonight. Yeah. See don't I'm not doing that. What do you think George? I?
Think it's a bad car. It'll break down all the time. Mm-hmm. Gilbert. It's not even four-wheel drive Gilbert
It's not even four wheel if you put a 50k on customization. I'm okay with it
Okay with it. Wait, can he customize a four-wheel drive into that? Yeah, you got a four-wheel drive. All right
I'm not gonna wait in terms of customization. What do you mean? I was gonna get up. No, I'm gonna get out
I'm gonna get a I'm gonna get a matte
Wrap yeah, right probably a dark gray or midnight purple
And in the rims what can I do more of a goldie kind of thing? I'm not into gold you look like a fucking
Laker on wheels
A pimp. Maybe like a little reddish hue. Are you trying to run a harem?
I mean, I do have a human trafficking business
Is that the color scheme you like it's like yeah, yeah, there is how dope does that look?
Purple or the yellow look at the purple in the yellow. How good how dope does that look? Oh, that's gonna be on your driveway
That's Lakers. I love Lakers. I like baby. I love Kareem
I just honestly think you should stick to the Toyota family. Okay. No, I'm not
Yeah, no offense to the Japanese great people great bit. How about a Honda Honda? Yeah, Honda's are great
I went in there. They were kind of rude. Hey, why don't you do this? Yeah, get like a old school 90-something Honda?
Hatchback and then soup it up and then put a spoiler in it. I want a brand new car, bitch
No, you can look like hot import nights. I don't want to look like that because I grew up with that in Miramesa in San Diego
All those Asians those Vietnamese had rice rockets that they used to call I'm not doing right back. What about Lexus? I
Think it's a bit. It's a kind of AG car. It's a G. It's a little AG. Yeah, it's a G
I went in there was like a little weird. Oh, so when you go in there
I based it on the reason why I want to get the Land Rover the equinox
If I evoke once I buy it, I'll know it because I'm gonna read it all you'll learn. Yeah, I'll learn it
I promise but I went in there in Pasadena and the dude
That was there is a huge. Tiger Billy fan. That's what sold you
That's what it is. Exactly. Yeah. He's like amen. Hey, make sure you come to me, dude
When you come right and I go I promise and then the hair flip. Yeah, and I did the hair flip promise, right?
So I think that's also when I went into the other lines
They were standoffish a little like judgy maybe 20 20, you know, I mean, but I bet the Tiger Billy fan drives a Toyota
Even if he works at Range Rover. Yeah, what do you drive? That's interesting. Um, I'm not gonna make assumptions. We should call him
What's his name?
Mohammed love it already. I think I hold on. I have his card
Well, how much would you drive a Subaru? Oh, I like the Subaru. I love super is a good great. Hey, those are the wilderness
Should I get that then? You know, what's really good the new volvos? Oh?
Yeah, those are they look so pretty. Have you seen them are
I like volvos
Len oh, he's not. He's not Mohammed Sam. Okay
Why do you always get Arabic? Yeah
Oh
No, don't call him. He's not Mohammed. Hi Sam. Yeah. Oh, did he really know who you were? Oh, you're lying
No, he's not a Tiger Billy fan. He's a Bobby Lee. He's a Bobby Lee fan. I got it. Hi stories. This is Bobby Lee's assistant. Yeah
But don't punk him because I don't know. No, I'm gonna
Leave a message
When you finished recording, you may hang up or print one for more options to send a fax press four
Hi Sam, my name is Kalilah, this is Bobby Lee's assistant. Can I start over?
Oh my god, oh my god
Hi Sam, this is Kalilah Bobby Lee's assistant
He came to see you over the weekend and was interested in the Range Rover evoke
Um, but he wanted to know what car you personally drive. Um, so if you could give me a call
That's not what I said. That's not what I said. That's not what I said
You're supposed to hit star to erase, not hang up
Because that message is gonna go through
Really?
Oh my god, Bobby
You didn't send it. You didn't send it. It went through
You didn't send it. Oh my god
You know, it goes through automatically if you don't hit star to erase
Oh, no, I can't get one of you fucking sabotage me bitch
No, I can never fucking call him again. Oh my god, give me the fucking car
Oh my god, I cannot get a fucking, you just fucking sabotage me
There are other
You got your Audi, did I go to the Audi guy and fuck you up?
You know what, you've been driving my Audi more than me
Okay, good
Because your niece has my car, she has to go to college every day
That's the problem, right, is because the reason for the new car is
Right, and so, uh, Jules just is just gone and she takes the car all day
All day
But I think that we should have her buy the car from us, but you don't believe in that
No
Because I'll tell you why, Jules is like my daughter
I don't have any kids, so all my fatherly instincts go to her
And when I was a kid, my parents got me anything I wanted
So
Keep that
So I do that too
Yeah
Is that scary to have kids? No, because here's the deal, dude
I don't want spoiled little shit
You won't, because if we have kids, you're going to be the mother
And if they pass away, our kids are fucked
They're all going to have MTA bus passes, and that's a fact
Yeah, but they're also going to have Audi's in the garages for the weekend
Just for the weekend
Yeah, yeah, okay
I'm going to give them like
They have to learn a little bit of grit, sweetie
You can't just give them everything
When I was 17 years old, I went to rehab
And when I left the rehab, I go
Well, since I went to rehab, can you send me to Hawaii with my friends?
Nice, nice
And my parents are like, ugh
It's going to be good, because I believe in God
And I think, you know, when I'm out in nature, you know what I mean?
I kind of manipulated it, and they bought it
They bought it, you know what I mean? So that's my point
And look at me now
I came out, I came out okay?
He's getting in a vogue
He's getting in a vogue, or, you know what I mean?
M6, at BMW
What's the matter?
Tongue tied?
Shocked?
Tuck out your tongue?
Goddamn
What?
I mean, look, that's how you want to raise children, that's fine
No, listen
Very good
There's other skill sets that I have
I can teach them how to do time
Oh, that's true
I just learned that, that's fresh, right?
I can teach them about, um
I'll teach them about more pop-cultury kind of stuff
Yeah
And you can do mathematics and biology, whatever you need
I can do that
Yeah, yeah, history, I know some history, you know
But you're like, if the little girl's like, dad, I want a pony
You're going to give her the pony at like eight years old?
I'm not going to buy her a rent one
Oh
What, Joe Rogan rents ponies?
He does
I assume, he's got kids
I assume
Or llamas, I know dude, I know dudes that do llama
Well, yeah, if you bring over, you like rent the little farm
Right, I mean, for their birthday, like when Sebastian, his kids
He has Mario Lopez come over, why can't I?
Right?
Yeah, rent some Mario Lopez
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm going to rent a Mario Lopez, right?
It's not that bad
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Right?
Maria Munoz, those types, you know what I mean?
They'll come over to the house, right?
And they can do like
Extra
What celebrity could you pull for your daughter?
At this point in my career?
Yeah, who do you think you will actually know in?
Well, I could probably get Keegan
Daddy, who's that?
Yeah, Keegan Keys
I would show her Kean Peele
Oh, you prep her with stuff?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
She's going to like what I like, so it's like
She's going to like the pixies, so I'll have Joyce Santiago come over
Right?
I'm going to let her, I'm going to, she's going to fall in love with the people that I know
You want to see Modern Family?
Yeah
Then Eric Stone, you know what I mean?
I'm not going to show her fucking Mission Impossible
I don't know Tom Cruise
Yeah
Right, so it's smart, right?
Yeah
Why do you keep making me watch Bill Burr?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
So dad is going to be the hero then
Dad knows all the cool people
All the cool people, right?
And mom's, she's disciplined
She's no fun
I have a feeling you're actually going to be the disciplinarian
Yeah, because
You rage out a lot quicker
Your patience is very
Give what we call short to bull
Yeah, but I wouldn't know violence
Yeah, no violence
You're not violent
I'm not violent
Number two, I would be pretty mindful about it because I remember it fucked me up as a kid
So I don't know, I don't think so
I think you're wrong and I want you to apologize
I'm sorry
Alright
But I would probably, like if my kid, do something as a kid
Talk back to me
Fuck
Can we turn it down a bit?
It caught me off guard
Dad
Turn it down, yeah
Fuck
Mom's saying
Fuck
I have two kids
Yeah, you have two kids
Yeah
You have two Filipino twins
Interesting, that's what it's saying
Yeah
Interesting
Alright, I would back away
Right
How many steps
How many steps?
About a hundred steps
Yeah, go interesting
Walk backwards
He'd make a Molotov cocktail, I know it
Yeah, I'd have a bottle of whiskey, right?
I'd put some fucking cloth in it
And then I'd fire and throw it
No, I would back away to interesting
And I would go outside
And I would probably call my sponsor
Oh, interesting
And go, yeah, one of my kids
And then he'd be like, wow, she's four
She can't even speak yet
Yeah
Well, who taught her that language?
Kalayla
Oh
They could have only come from you
I don't say that word
You just said it
I haven't said that word in years, you said it
Yeah, but that's me in the context of being a child
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Now, would you be into, like, if your kid was like
Can I get an iPad?
Yeah, what is your response to that?
How old is the kid?
She's eight
Yeah, what do you need it for?
Yeah, you can borrow mine
Oh
Yeah, no, but I need it for school
We don't need it for school
Your teacher tells me what you need
And that's not on the list
See, already?
Very
A terrible parent
Already?
I just had a sore throat
Papa, can I get an iPad?
Yeah, I will get you
But there's some ground rules
Okay, what are the rules?
There's only certain times that you can watch it, right?
On the weekends, we'll give you four hours or whatever
But during the school week, we're going to hold on to it
And if you need it for school and this and that
For homework and whatnot, we'll give it to you
But it's pretty much for the weekend
Yeah, but then why does it have to belong to her?
Why can't it be mine?
Because I'm watching mine
And you're watching yours
You don't have an iPad
That's all we watch is our iPad
You don't watch anything on the TV
Okay, isn't that the better way to do it?
Maybe
It really is
I've never raised a kid, so I don't know
I might be terrible at it
I would say both those answers are feasible
Yeah, but she's going to be strict
Can you tell?
Can you fucking tell?
Look, when Jules asks to go out
Who says yes and who says no?
You don't really love her, though
Yeah, her own
I'm going to call her right now
Oh, there we go
I think he's here
I've got to go
Aw, man, we're just about to get to Jules' call
Where's the Jules? Where's my phone?
Jules called while we're waiting
It's Tiger Valley
Oh, Sam called us back
He called you back?
Yeah, he did
What do you say?
Here, let's call
No, no, no, no, no
A voicemail, voicemail
Okay
All right, guys, here's a voicemail of the dealer
This is Sam
I am answering your call back
Give me a call to speak
Thank you so much
Okay, well
Yeah, how bad do you feel?
How bad do you feel?
I'm buying one from him
That's it
Guilt buy?
Yeah, that's it
We're buying one from him
We've got to find out what he drives, though
I'm going to call Clinton tomorrow
I'm going to buy one tomorrow
All right
Yes, please, please
Whatever you're doing, it's not going to work
I'm buying it
How about right after this podcast?
I will call him after
Please
Rip me
Here, call him right now
Call Sam right now and say
I'm absolutely buying it
No, no, no, no
Don't do that yet
I'm going to call, I'm going to tell him
Sam, we're buying from you
We have a guest, man
What the fuck are you doing?
I'm going to say
Hey, he's definitely going to come in
Trevor Wallace is here
Sit down
Congratulations, how are you?
Where is he?
God, I'm buying one for sure, though
Black
And people make fun of me
I'm going to like, oh, fuck it
Because I'm at the comedy store
I know what people drive
They drive crazy cars sometimes
Yes, like Santino
All these guys bring
No, I'm going to
Santino
Starts with an M, that's all I want to say
Is it?
A Maserati?
Yeah
What?
I love Maserates
I'm going to ask Trevor
See, I'm curious what he drives
We should guess
If he's more like me, like who gives a shit
It's going to go a long way with him and I
If he's more like you guys about like
Being snooty about it
I might not be able to hang out with him ever again
I'm just like a quiet guy, you know
I don't give a fuck about your fucking
Earsensitivity
I drive my mom's Corolla a lot
I'm so impressed
I also drive a Rob-4
I know, but it's just like
Everyone has a fucking Toyota
Everyone has one
I have a Corolla
Trevor, we're fighting
We're fighting, just sit down
Can you help us, Trevor?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Your dogs are fighting too
Your dogs are beefing up there
They're going off
Well, if we let them out the kennel
They'll beef with your dick real fast
Because they're dick biters
Oh, wow
A guy or girl, dogs
They're combo
You have a long dick?
Average
Good
But Jewish Jews like you have thick ones
Are you Jewish?
Yeah, I'm Jewish
But I'm half
Mom's Jewish dad's Christian
Oh, right, right
If you're Jewish, if your mom is Jewish
Yeah, in the Jewish tradition
If the mom's Jewish, everybody's Jewish
But their dick, if they're mixed like that
Their dick is mid-level
We got to be careful with that hand
You're throwing this up?
I don't know
So much for my people, right?
But yeah
So technically Jewish, full Jewish
29 years old?
29 years old
Yeah, here's how I know about you
I didn't know anything about you
And I was at the improv a couple of months ago
When I was using
And it was like, I don't know what night it was
But I looked at the lineup
And I never read
Just hear me out, all right
By all means
I read your name
I go, oh, who's that?
And I was upstairs
And you were crushing so hard
Right?
I started asking around
Who the fuck is that?
Yeah
I hate him
Because I had to follow him, right?
I went up there
And I didn't struggle
But it wasn't like
Your level of laughs
And it bummed me out for like two days
That's bullshit
There's no way
Yeah, I swear to God, dude
That's bullshit
That's how I fuck
I told Andy?
Because somebody sent me the Bad Friends clip
Where it said you shit yourself
Yeah
Oh, yeah, that was the night
That was the night I shit myself
That was the night
Oh
Unrelated to my set, he shit himself
No, no, no
Or was it related?
I think it was related
Oh, wow
When do I shit in a green room
Five times in my lifetime?
Right?
That was one of them
Those Brussels sprouts of improv will get you
You gotta watch it
Yeah, dude
I mean
Very good
I thought you were like fucking with me on that clip
I was like
I thought you were just like
Being like, hey, these kids
He was so good
No, no, no
I don't
Because I don't even bother to
Memorize people's names
It takes me a while, right?
And, you know
And that's also your name comes up so much
In the community
The ecosystem
Yeah, that
I want to say congratulations
Also, I asked around
Are you a nice guy?
Because this is the first time
You and I have ever really talked
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Right, so
The city's a nice guy
And I just think that
You know, you potentially could be the future
Thank you
Yeah, yeah, yeah
That'd be sick
Get the fuck out now
That's all I needed
I'm just gonna run that
I'm just gonna run that clip right there
If you're praising me
Put my tour dates on it
And put it out there
Yeah, yeah
Somebody told me I should take that
I'm just gonna put my tour dates
On the end of the post
Yeah, which
Yeah, you should, I think
It works
That's what I'm doing this podcast for
And tour dates
This weekend I will be in New York, Boston
Yeah, yeah, yeah
You just got off the road, right?
Yeah, I just got back today from Seattle
Yeah
Gloomy as hell city
I know, but it's still beautiful
Yo, go ahead, Dan
Go ahead
You don't like it?
Yeah, no, I liked
Honestly, I thought Portland
Was gonna be very like
You gotta, like, watch what you say
Portland was reckless
I loved them
Oh, no
They were great
They are wild
Portland was awesome
Portland's wild
I loved it
I think Seattle's wild
Seattle's wild
A little bit
Yeah, we did two shows
One of them was at 7
Then there was a 10 o'clock on a Sunday
Late night on a Sunday
Mixed for just a disaster
Yeah, yeah
But why is Seattle not beautiful?
You just can't see anything
It's just
Cause it's so rainy and foggy
Yeah, well I said that there was smog
It's not smog, it's clouds
I was like, are you really breaking about
Yeah, yeah
Cloud right now
They call it the inversion layer
Yeah, it just feels like
The inversion layer
You know the morning after you take an edible
And you still feel hazy?
That's how the whole city feels like
Everybody still feels like they're easing into it
Like a fourth cup of coffee
And they haven't smiled once
Yeah, but I think Seattle's cool
When you're younger and depressed
Yeah, exactly
It feeds into the like
I wanna write some fucking morbid poetry
It's one of the places I've only ever seen
Positive graffiti
I saw it on the wall and it said your love
And I was like
But it was the wrong your
Yeah, yeah
Oh no
Yeah, it was just Y-O
Y-O-U-R
Seattle's the one where they kinda had their own
Remember when the BLM stuff started happening
They had their own like little society
Chat, what is it called?
Chattanooga?
Chat, that's a tennis
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Chat, what did you say, chat?
There's a name, they named it though, you're right
I want you to resolve this fight
I'm having with my girlfriend
What's going on?
What do you drive and what are your thoughts on?
Let me ask
Okay
That's a little too direct
All right
You know what I just
That was rude of me
You're gonna lead the witness
No, I'm just saying that
Because Joe Scarborough
When he does it with his girlfriend Mika
He does that a lot
What does he do?
He'll like stop her from talking
Oh, that's okay
No, he'll just interrupt
I don't wanna do that
Because I think it's
Now I'm so mindful about it
And I was like
Joe, don't do that
You know what I mean?
Mika has a brain, you know?
So it's like
That you're the best, okay?
Go ahead
Go ahead
Go ahead
Okay, anyway
I'm excited
I started going to therapy recently
So I'm gonna try
With people like me
But with you guys
But yeah, what's going on?
So, um
Why is there a beef?
What's going on again?
The beef is this
The beef is this, okay?
That, um, you know
You haven't seen my Prius
But it's, you know
It's three doors
Three?
Yeah, it's broken eggs
The fourth one has
What?
Yeah, it has perished
I rammed it into Sam Tripoli's car once
On purpose
I can see that
You're right
And he had a brand new car
I just rammed it in there
Because I was so mad at him
And I just used it
Yeah, I always had shitty cars
And so for once
I went, you know what?
I'm sober again
I'm gonna get a nice car
Uh-huh
Right, so
I wanna get a Range Rover
Evoke
There you go
My girlfriend
That's the car I drove here
My girlfriend just got that car
I swear to God, it's out front
Do you wanna see it?
Dude, my girlfriend has a nicer car than me
I have a 2017 BMW
That's hilarious
Used
Are we ready, dude?
You and I are gonna be
Do you wanna see it?
It's out front
What do you drive?
I have a 2017 BMW
I got it
I got it used
Yeah
Because like for me
I think all this is gonna go away eventually
Like it should be like
Oh, you're not funny
Boo, you suck
Ah, you're broke
Yeah, yeah
So I like, I bought like a cheat
I bought a used car
With like 10,000 miles on it
Because I like
I want a nice car
But I wanna like
Humble myself
Yeah
But you know
Well, my girlfriend's in finance
She has a lot of stability
At her job
And I'm like, I don't
Am I gonna do ha-ha tonight
Or am I doing
Yeah, yeah
So
So what you're saying to me is
Is that her car is better than your car
It's nicer
Yeah, nicer
She just got it yesterday
I drove her here
Oh, and is the Range Rover
Evoke nice?
It's
Which way should I go for it?
No, no, no
I need to know
Don't look at Mika
I'm Joe Scarborough
Simple question
Should Bobby Lee, in his career
Be driving a Range Rover
I think Lamborghini Urus
That's the Lamborghini SUV
There we go
Right
There we go
How much is it?
200K
It's such a good car
It's such a good car
Yeah, I can't
I'm not
I know that you guys are
Oh, I'm not at that level
Oh, why, why?
I'm in the podcast space
I know what y'all are pulling in
On bad friends
I know you're pulling on on this
Trevor, keep in mind
He cannot have nice things
He will destroy it in about a week
How long did you have the Prius for?
A decade
Decade
Wow
So, walking through the Range Rover
You're like, it's nice
But it's not too crazy
Well, here's what happens
I told him, why don't you go to Range Rover
To get the Range Rover
Yeah
Right
And then he went over there
And he was like, oh, I like this little
Toy-licking thing
It is a smaller one
Oh, you want the bigger one
Do you know Chappelle Lacey?
Yes
The bigger ones look like him
And I don't want to go inside him
All right
I want to go inside like
You don't know Doc Willis
I know Doc Willis
Yeah, a little or one
Oh, so you want to Doc
I want to Doc Willis Range Rover
Rather than a Chappelle Lacey
Yeah, you want like the Boston Terrier
Of course
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I feel that
So, is your girlfriend Asian?
No
She white?
Yeah
Okay, and she's in finance?
In finance
Right
Perchance, does she look like Malibu Barbie?
No
Blond hair?
No, Bernat
Yeah
So, she has one
And you think it's nice
And you think it's nicer than yours
Do you think that if I drove around it
Would you tease me?
No
I think it would honestly fit you
I think because
You don't want to make me cry
No, it's like
It feels like a big car on the inside
But from the outside
It's like a little like peanut
Like a peanut M&M on wheels
That's what I wanted
I want to keep it
I read that in your interview
A couple years ago
That you always wanted
Yeah, I always wanted
So you want him to get the bigger one
I just want him to know
Even if it were up to me
I'd want him to get a Corolla
Oh
He just doesn't know
He's going to destroy whatever he gets
I'm like, Corolla, good
Safety rating
Toyota, reliable
Dude, when you see an Asian driving a Toyota
What do you really feel, my Jewish friend?
I feel good
Ever since
That's somebody who believes in their own product
You know, it's crazy
Since my mom's Jewish
And I told her I was getting a BMW
She's like, don't do that
It's a German car
Yeah, but like
Hitler did one thing
But the BMW was
You know, it's like, I
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Huh
So, honestly
I think God spoke through
Trevor Wallace, right
And I think I'm definitely going to get one
I'm going to call Sam now
Saying we're going to buy the car, right?
No, but I'll call him on his own
How do you feel about a weekend car
Versus weekday car?
Like your spots car, Corolla
People do that?
Yeah
I mean, Brandon Shaw has a dealership at his house
I don't know what's going on over there
He does?
Yeah
I don't have Brandon Shaw's box
What about we just like beef up the Prius a little bit
Add shin guards to it
That, if he got a brand new Prius
And actually put a wrap on it
My dad has a brand new Prius
Oh, y'all
Ready to sell?
Y'all
Is he a hippie?
Yeah, he's retired
Smoking the place golf
Love the crap
All right, yeah, yeah
Great guy
You look like you had a good upbringing
Yeah, I was pretty straightforward
Yeah, yeah
My mom would like have like weird rules in the house
Like I couldn't have cereal
With more than seven grams of sugar
It's just like white people trying to make rules
They're like, you can't have cereal with sugar
All right, raising brand it is
Yeah, yeah, yeah
It's pretty solid, yeah
They're still together to this day
That's amazing
Yeah, I grew up in Southern California
So I feel like this is just
I'm like an hour away from here, really
Yeah, because usually comics are
I don't want to say
Like come from a dark place
Yeah, they're damn it
You know, there's some like me
That come from a darker place
Right, but then I
When I look at guys like you
Al Magical feels that way too
Just a nice guy
Who's super funny, warm, you know
Knows which side like the knife and the spoon go
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Haces Trejo
Haces Trejo
Yeah
You like Mexicans?
Great, he's hilarious
Yeah, he's so funny
He's so funny
But also, I have to say that
Your generation
29, right?
29
Yeah, how you have hair down there?
Not yet
Working on it
Yeah, it's promo code
No fuzz, no fuzz, peach fuzz or nothing?
No, it's down there
Okay, go, go, go, go
You know, I just, you know
What generation are you technically a part of?
You're not mine, but you're not Gen-Z
Millennial
Millennial
Is it 29 is Millennial?
Yeah, Millennial oddly goes up to like
33 I think
It goes up pretty, I think even more
Really?
Yeah, let me check
Wait, am I not Millennial anymore?
Have I passed that?
With Gen-Z is the one before
Gen-Z is
Younger
Yeah, Jules
Jules?
There's one before?
No, Jules is the girl that lives upstairs
We have a teenager living upstairs
Oh, I have a human trafficking business
Okay
Now the Range Rover makes sense
I see flashy car, old movie producer
Oh, we've been down that road, okay
Millennials ages 23 to 38
Yeah, 38 being a Millennial is wild
I'm a Millennial, you work at H&R Block
What am I?
Your generation X
Generation X, baby
It just sounds better
That's cool
Yeah, Generation X, like, fuck you
You know what I mean?
I want to spit in your pussy
You know what I mean?
Classic generation
We're just not in an aggressive thing
Classic
That's a shirt you see in a kiosk
Richard and Palm Beach, Florida
Gen X, let me spit in your cooter
But it's not mean, it's like
It's lube
What are you, evil?
No, spit in your pussy
It sounded very aggressive and mean
It doesn't, it's a nice thing for men to do
Thank you, that's all
Who wants the dry bang a chick?
Well, you could just lick it
No, you could just very nicely moisturize it
That's the same thing as spitting it
I know, but would you rather...
Like, just look at me, right?
Oh, we're looking
Just look at me, right?
I'm in
Why do you think I'm crossing my legs?
Would you rather...
You know what I mean, lick, right?
Or...
I would also
Oh, okay
It ups the...
It's like the NOS button
You're, like, fucking straight clear
NOS, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
In fact, when I first...
So, licking was like De La Soul
And then, like, spitting is NOS
Yeah
Yeah
If I were to, you know, be on a first date with a guy
And I saw him, like, spit on the sidewalk
But it was a very weak spit
The likelihood of me finding him attractive is very low
I need some, you know, some force behind that
Yeah, I always thought in the movies
When they spit into the tans, they're like, ting
I was like, those guys could fuck my girlfriend
I'll be a cuck for that guy, anything
Because they make that noise, the ting
Yeah, that's dope
So good
I had a kid spit in my face as a kid
Just...
Not as an adult
You were, oh, you were a kid or no?
No, I was a kid as well
Okay
If it happened as an adult and a kid spit in my face, we'd have problems
Like, if a kid walked up to you as your age, 29, what would you do?
And spit in my face?
And he's just spitting it
Hey, fuck you, Trevor
If you knew who I was, I'd be stoked
Yeah, that's my demo right there
Yeah, yeah, yeah
But if he didn't, like, ran him, like, what do you do?
You can't hit the kid
I wouldn't hit him, but I would just, like, yell something
That, like, he'll find out later in life, you know
Right, like, I don't know what to do
Something so mean
Yeah, something that'll stick with him
Right, it would depend on what he looks like
Yeah
You can't just, you know what I mean, if he's a good-looking kid, but if he had some things
I'm not gonna get into it
I would just, like, try to break their family down, like, psychologically
Yeah, psychologically
Your dad doesn't actually love your mom, and that's why he comes home at 3 to keep him
banging hookers out in Portland
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, like, or your mom wanted to abort you, she told me herself
Yeah, like, one of those, that way he's, like, yeah, whatever
Then he's, like, at the dinner table, and he's, like, oh, liver again
Maybe she did want to abort me
Wait, you're not, is liver not good?
Is liver not something we like?
I wouldn't say it's great
Liver, like, the organ?
Yeah, are you Asian or are you not Asian?
What do you mean liver? Why do you, is liver not good?
Like, chicken liver, to eat
Do you eat livers?
No
You eat liver?
Yeah
Yeah, liver and...
Gizzards, kidney, what is it?
I've had chicken foot before
Yeah, chicken feet, like, that's very easy
We call it Adidas
You just did one foot, not the feet?
Yeah, I don't, you know, I have a foot fetish
So I'm like, I can't go down
Yeah
No, it was, it was, yeah, it was just in the soup
Yeah
Were you in Asia?
No, Minnesota
Yeah, it was for a cooking show
Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah
What about, would you eat, can you eat a pig's claw, and a claw, hoof?
Yeah, I called my dad's, our family night
Yeah
My dad would cook this thing called pig knuckles
And it was our favorite thing
And all the kids would be like, pig knuckles
And then...
I swear, it was, it was such a treat for us
It's like pig trot
I didn't know pigs had knuckles early
How does that work?
Technically, it's just the foot, the feet
Yeah, the hooves, yeah
Yeah, I don't think they have...
So...
They have...
A knuckle, this is the knuckle
It's a joint, it's a joint
Alright, that's fine, I don't want to get, I'm not a fucking biologist
Yeah, yeah, but, is it crunchy?
No, you put it, it's like a stew
Do you eat everything of the pig?
The butthole
If you're gonna kill it, you better eat all of it
The blood
What about the eyes?
We eat the blood, it's called dinuguan, and we eat the entrails as well
How do you eat the blood?
Like a beer banger
We make it into, cause all cultures have their own version of blood sausage, I think
Oh, they had, I had blood cubes
Yes, it's the same
The same day as the chicken foot
But we eat it as a soup
Wow
How do you feel about the eyes?
Cause I see people get the eyes
I eat fish eyes
But I don't think I've eaten, like, I don't think I've ever eaten pig eyes
Like, we eat lanshao, which is the dick
The beef dick
The cow's dick
Beef dick, that's actually what they call me in high school
Oh, beef dick
Let's go beef dick
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Eat knuckles
That's what they used to call me
So, you never eat in a dick?
No
Not on camera
No, no, no, not in a sexual way
No
Yeah, yeah
I feel like that was 80% of fear factor in the prime
It was like, here's a pig's cock
How do you guys have your hands on this so easily?
Yeah, yeah
How much money would they win on fear factor?
Really for like $500
Nothing
It wasn't a lot
Just give a college kid some Adderall and he'll do it for free
Yeah, yeah
But it's also, you wouldn't do it in your private life
It's only on the show
Oh, right
It was a hot show, national TV
You don't look like a fucking pussy
Joe Rogan was hosting it
Yeah, yeah, yeah
He's like the man's man
Right, so yeah
That's my chance
Yeah, so he could say anything
Like, suck off that blue whale
That sucked me off
Yeah
Yeah
Yeah, so um
Anything on camera I'll do
If it's like, not at YouTube
Okay
If a kid went, hey, I have a YouTube channel
I'll be a fuck you
Got to make a network thing
National television
SAG
SAG after
SAG after
Right
I'm not cutting it
How about in a movie?
Do you act?
I auditioned, I haven't booked anything
I've done like 50 self tapes, bombed all of them
I don't know what's going on
Like, I, in my head I was like
I'm gonna make all these videos and the casting director
would be like, this guy's perfect for that role
Yeah
And then I auditioned and then I crumbled in the room
Just cause it's too, I don't know
I'll tell you the secret
What?
Thank you
Hi
Hi
Hello
Is that the secret?
That's your ASMR?
Say hi
Oh, hey, what's up?
Hi, good
Thanks for having me
So, here's the deal
I promise you this
I was gonna do my tour today
I promise you, this is what happens
You're gonna, you're on your way
I promise you, right?
And one day, once people know who you are
I'm talking about the gatekeepers, like what I call them
Once they know who you are, you're gonna book
Right
And then it's just a snowball effect
It's like a snowball effect
You're gonna be in what they call the mix
You'll be on a board of like ten dudes, your type
And you'll just be one of those guys
Just kind of the reoccurring type
Because the auditions you're doing now, I mean
This is what I heard from a casting director
We don't watch 70% of them
Oh, I bet
And which is bullshit
Imagine like, you know, you've helped me
Like, I don't know what you do
But, you know, these guys have helped me with my auditions
It takes me days to read, you know what I mean?
To make choices, memorize it
And then we do it a couple hours
To get the right, you know what I mean?
And then it's like, if they're not gonna see it
It's fucking terrible
You're doing a new takes, a helicopter flew by
That's the most LA thing right there
You're trying to work under a craft
And all of a sudden you live by LAX and it's just
Yeah, yeah
But you always send them in
Always, really?
Yes
Even if they're bad?
No, I mean, try
I mean, if they call and go
Hey, there's this audition
Do you sometimes go, I don't want to do it?
Sometimes
Yeah, I want you to do one
But they're like, do you want to play a toaster?
I'm like, how the fuck?
I mean, yes, I'll do it
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Is it voiceover or have to dress up as a toaster?
I auditioned for Peter Jackson's King Kong
Oh, yeah
And if you watch Peter Jackson's King Kong
There's just one Chinese guy just screaming
In the movie
He'll just run past the screen
You know what I mean?
We 50 guys read for that part
And this is when we had to go in
Nuts
So I'd be in the lobby
And I'd just hear my friends
Like John Cho, these types of guys
Back then
You know, just real actors going
Ah!
You know what I mean?
And walk out just so defeated
But you just do it for the story
Right
The audition room is sad
It's so sad
Because you look around and you go
Oh, that guy was on Disney Channel
None of us are getting this
Yeah, right, right, right
Yeah
Oh, yo, you go in
There's Seth Green for my part
Yeah, you're like, oh, these are hot people
Yeah
You know, I'm not
Yeah, I ain't bookin' this
I read against
It was beat
I'm not even kidding you
Me and
I think I've said this
Brandon Roth
Ruth
Superman
Wow
And we were sitting there in the lobby
And I looked at his sides
It was the same sides I had
He highlighted the same characters
And I'm like, wow
Who's writing this?
A two-year-old kid?
You know what I mean?
It's like, whatever!
Whoever
Yeah
Did he get it?
I don't know
I don't remember what it was
He might not know
We gotta see somebody else
Probably one
And probably Kevin Harkas
He gets everything
Everything, yeah
So I've tried
But I mean, I don't know
I just like what I do now
I just like the touring
And the making my videos, I think
But if the offers come, great
I'll play that toaster any day
Yeah
Is it SAG?
I'm in
If it's a remake of my
Brave little toaster
You have to do it
Please do
I forgot about that
That's a great
Sad
That's one of the best ones
I'll do it
I'll do it
I take back everything I've ever said
I'll play a futon
I don't give a fuck
Put me in
But you know what also will happen
Who do you hang out with?
Do you have friends
At your level
That you started with
That are still doing it?
Mm-hmm
You have probably what
10, 15 people you know?
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah
Men and women, right?
Yeah, yeah
One day
Those people
Either you first or them
Will also be big
And will get shit
Right, then they're just
Casting their friends
Yeah, it's like
When I, you know
After mad TV
There was a couple of years
Where I couldn't get
An audition to save my life
Mm-hmm
And I was just not hot
Like nobody wanted me
And it hurt
But you know
Chelsea Handler
Who I started with
Go just do my show
It'll help you with the numbers
So I was just panel on her show
But it's like
It's not something that I've ever
I'm grateful for the opportunity
But you know
She just did me a favor
Mm-hmm
You know what I mean
And you're gonna get
Those as well
Yeah, it's a lot of just
Friendships
And it's the whole like
Longevity of this
You know
It's being patient
Cause it is true
What you said
It's like
Everyone kind of just rises up
And then those people
Start just picking their friends
Mm-hmm
So
Yeah
Yeah, I mean
It all makes sense
When you think about it
But you're like
Why not fucking now
Book me
Then you're like
I don't know
Yeah
You like your manager?
Uh
He's a great guy
Andy Farog?
Wait
Did you
He just left the company
You guys
Still work together?
I don't say leave
He um
Sabotaged it
Oh no
Yeah
Yeah
Classic agent move
No, I just was bummed
Because he was like
A guy that I was like
I wanna
He's
He reps me
I like this kid
Mm-hmm
Right
And then he's just like
I'm moving on
Right
Yeah
And then you know
He leveled up
He leveled up
Should I let him go?
He can't hear us
You whisper
Yeah
You know
Just keep on his toes
No
Maybe at like
Daily savings
Just let him know
You're fired
And then let the clock
Skip a couple hours
He's really great
And also
The reason why
Um
Because
I mean obviously
You're on the show
But he
You know
You could tell
He really believes in you
Yeah
He really does
And he's just like
My boy, my boy, my boy
Oh yeah
Yeah, I mean that's what you need
Like my fucking manager
Has never been to a comedy
Hasn't been to a comedy club
He doesn't even know
You do stand up, right?
No, she
She's not
She lives in a house in Venice
She doesn't come out
No one knows her
You know what I mean?
And it's like
You know
To have a kid like Andy
Always at the clubs
Always at the clubs
Good track suit
He's always wearing a track suit
Right
Andy gets girls
Well
He knows that
He is now
Because he's being talked about on the show
So I think
His DMs will start popping
Ladies, email my manager
Say what's up
No, but it's not that because
It's like
Is he's Persian, right?
I believe so
What is he?
Mexican?
What is he?
Mexican or Persian?
I think Farag is Persian
I want to say Egyptian
He's Egyptian
I want to say Egyptian
Right
But it's like
So
Andy and Fihim Anwar
Fihim's so funny
One of the best
So good
So fucking good
Yeah
He's making out new bits
I want to strangle him sometimes
You just want to take that premise
Give me that
Yeah
Give me that
It'll give you a Prius
Yeah
Or he'll do jokes
Where like I thought
The premise where I'll go
For years
I just
I don't know how to
The angle
And he'll do it
And you go
Oh, that was it
And there's like no fat on the bit
It's just like
Boom, boom, boom
Yeah
Do you have fat in your bits?
Oh, so much
While I was fine
I add so much fat for no reason
And like segues
For some reason
I'll like try to be smooth
Because I've seen guys
That are like so smooth
With their whole act
And it's a whole
A to Z
It's this whole storyline
And then I'm like
I try to do that
But I'm not great with words anyway
So I'm just
Yeah
Hyperbolically
Throwing out words
That I heard twice
Yeah
You know, I don't
You know
I'll do
Like I have my set
Do your set
From beginning to end
You kind of know what jokes
Work better up front
And toward the end of your act
Yeah
Ideal, I hope
I just have stronger shit
At the end
That I just hope to close with
Yeah, yeah
You know, the stuff in the middle
Is either new
Or it's old
Or it's like whatever
See, that's what I want
Because you're a young gun
And I need help
So I'm not
Asking you to help me
Right
What I'm saying is
Is that
So you do your new stuff
In the middle
Yeah
On the road
Yeah
Because I feel like
Everybody remembers
The beginning
How you came out
And then how you ended
The middle is this whole fuckery
Like
Like asking anybody out to a show
What your favorite joke was
Like if they're like
Yo, I love the show
What's your favorite joke
They'll be like
Honestly, man
I did a bunch of whippets
Before the show
Yeah
But it's more just like
The experience
So there's some that'll stick out
And there's ones that just
Level the room with energy-wise
But I think for the most part
People just
Remember how you came out
And how you ended
Was it funny?
Yes
But also I find that
Because for ten years
I didn't write a new joke
You know that
All the comics
Make fun of me
I have my set
Right
And I just did it
Every
I would go to Chicago
Every year
For ten years in a row
The same people would come out
Yeah
And they just didn't care
Uh-huh
I'm being real
They're like
Hey
Love the old act
It's like Free Bird
That's like
When you go to
They want to hear Free Bird
Right
You know what's weird
It's like
You do it a second time
They're like
Yeah, he has it written
But you do it a third time
They're like
The machine
Yeah
So when you're doing that
Are you
Because what I always have
Is like the bit doesn't change
I just lose energy
Over the years
Yeah
Excitement I think
So did you ever feel that
During those ten years
Where you're like
Or you just really
Planned out to it
Obviously there are jokes
That like I told the joke
That I'm not
Where I'm like
Let me just dig this one
Out of the vault, right
And I literally said it
The way I did it
On the Tonight Show back in
2000
What was the joke?
I don't want to say it
It was Bill Clinton guys
Crazy
No
It was just like
You know my dad
But the family stuff is timeless
Yeah, but this one
Got
It was I mean
It was a packed main room show
It literally got crickets
No
Where I had to
Where I had to go
Yeah
I should have dug that one out
You know what I mean
Like I had to say something
Right
But it was like
Every time
When I told my dad
I want to do stand up
He goes
But you're not funny
You know
Every time I would see him
He'd see my show
You're not funny though
Why'd he laugh
You know
And then one day he goes
I have a joke
I go knock knock
I go who's there
He goes
You're not funny
That was the joke
What
It doesn't
What
When you tell that on stage
I think you're lying
That is a joke
That does well
I think you underestimate
I mean I think you play it down
I think you probably did
Well
And
I fuck
You know what
Fuck you
You were doing the voice
And you can't be doing voices
In 2022
We don't know
What's going on
You're from San Diego
What's under that beanie Bobby
Alright
Are you allowed to laugh
At an accent
Probably not
Yeah
I defined it to be
No
I will keep doing it
All I'm saying about you
Is that if it's an absolute
Pandemonium
You think you failed
But I think a lot of comedians
Do that
Same thing
The whole show was great
But one part was weird
Or the awkward moment
I had that last night
Literally in Seattle
The late show
There was like 30 seconds
Of like weirdness
Because somebody yelled
Something out
And then I couldn't get back
On track for a second
And then I got off
And I was all
Fucking in the mood
I was like
Whatever
But the whole show was great
And I got messages
Being like
That was awesome
But you're like
In your head over the one thing
Don't you
I hate
I don't know what it is
Fucked up interruptions
You know what I mean
Yeah
You got red nose reindeer
And you're like
What
So
People yell out a certain thing
Because since I do videos
People often times will yell out
A quote from the video
Yeah
And I had that
I think in Portland
It was like
I just build up
Where there's this moment of silence
And then I say the joke
And then right in between
I did this video about white claw
It's dead silence
She goes
Ain't no lives in your drinking class
And took all the momentum out of it
Yeah
And I was so mad
I was just like
Out of all the fucking
That's what it goes to show
Yeah
That somebody in the audience
Is like
They're just having a good time
Yeah
It's you know
They're not really pacing along
With the fact that you're like
Here's the build up
And the punchline
Like it's silent
Let me turn this bitch up
Or not
Oh
Yeah
Yeah
I used to get like
Do Connie Chung
Because they
You know
There was certain
Because mad TV was like
Everyone did impressions
And you know
You have guys like
Frank Caliendo
It was one of the best
Impressions ever
Aries Spears is a great impressionist
So they're like
Can you do impressions
And I'm like
I can do Connie Chung
I guess
There's drunk Bobby
Yeah
Yeah
So I like
I would like
You know
Mike would play Mori Povic
And I would just go
Good evening
I'm Connie Chung
You know what I mean
Just kind of some weird
Solid
Yeah
Can you admit something
What
And this is gonna sound
I don't know if this is racist
Or the opposite of racist
But when
I first started
Dating you
And Gardo asked me
Wait
Bobby Lee from
Mad TV
I was like
Yeah
The guy who played
No comment
Guys no comment
I'm trying to keep a clean record
Here
You fucking said that
I swear on my life
I thought
You played Miss Wan
Oh
Because I know you played
Connie Chung
I know you played a lot of characters
But I also thought
You were
Get the Range Rover
Get the Range Rover
Exactly
Whatever it's called
Oh my god
And then he corrected me
And he was like
That was Alex Borstein
Oh man
But wasn't Miss Wan
Supposed to be Asian
Oh thanks for doing this man
I appreciate you guys
Good job
Not only
Stay here man
Thank you for being here man
I really like you man
I really do a lot
Hey thanks man
Oh jeez
So um
That hurts me
You might as well just said
Here's
Was he on Last Comic Standing?
No here's
Here's how my
My brain worked in that moment
It was more like
Of course he would play
All the Asian characters
He's the only Asian guy on the show
Miss Wan is Asian
Of course that's Bobby Lee
But Miss Wan was an Asian
She wasn't?
No
Can we see a photo?
No I know Alex Borstein is not
But the character is
The character was more Bjorky
Oh like Icelandic
Icelandic
Icelandic
That's what I would have said
Yeah thank you so much
No because
When I got on the show
Because she had left
Come on
That's so Asian
I thought he was New Age
No that's Bjork
Duh
Duh
Honestly?
Yeah
You know?
Yeah
Oh no
Turn it
Sorry
What's happening?
The fucking heater water
It's our water thing
Oh my god
Nothing's gonna explode
Have you guys always recorded here?
Um no
I used to live in a smaller like
Condo
Mmm
I used to live like 10 minutes away from here
Just right up the street
And then I moved
I'm sorry but you look exactly like
Both Miss Wan and Connie Chung
Okay who is that other lady?
Connie Chung
Oh is that Connie Chung?
Yeah
That's you
To the left?
You're on the right Connie
This is your first headshot
Pretty dead on
Yeah
As good
Yeah
Look at me
That was so scared
That was the first time
That was the second sketch
I ever did at Matt TV
That's for you
For sure you on the left
Yes 100%
Honestly
If I was a couple of Nickel Lobes deep
That might not be your husband
No
Oh really?
Yeah
And I remember
Lauren Dombrowski the producer
She
Because it was in front of a live audience
Yeah
And I could
It was like a monologue
And I'd never
How much was it scripted versus rift?
It was pretty much scripted
And then the second pass
You can do whatever you want
Okay that makes sense
Wait Gilbert not to be
Accused of you being racist
But I don't think the woman on the right
Is Connie Chung
I just realized that
Someone on the reddit started a whole form
Saying this was Connie Chung
But it's not
No it's not Connie Chung at all
Yeah yeah that's not Connie Chung
Who is that?
I'm the one to the left
That's some random
That's Connie
Connie Chung
Pretty still pretty close though
Yeah
Pretty damn close
But anyway I remember
The producer coming to me and going
She grabbed my hand
She goes
Breathe
Breathe
Because I was like
Hyperventilating
Just nervous?
Oh my it was like
I'd never been on a TV set before
Yeah
Too many people
And from that
And the cameras
Yeah
I think Green Day
Was also playing that
They were there
And I was just caught up
And I had a panic attack
And I remember her going
You gotta breathe
Because you know
You and I
We started in these
Shitty comedy clubs
Right
Right and we signed up
You did open mics right
Oh yeah
Yeah and
And that's where we
That's not a school
It is a school
But it's like
It's not like the
Groundlings or Second City
Where you know what I mean
There's trains
There's gibbons
Yeah
Yeah yeah
You and I are pretty much like
Warriors
Warriors
Fighting more drunk people
At a very narrow bar
Yeah
But
There's a set
When you first did it
Did you
Were you proud of yourself?
Uh yeah
The first time I did it
I was 17
And
Oh my god
So I actually did
A comedy class
Because I'm a hack
But when I was
When I was 17
I did a class in Ventura
The Ventura Harbor Comedy Club
Who taught it?
Randy Lubis
Do you know him?
No
He booked
I don't know
He was a road guy
Yeah yeah
And then he opened up
That club down there
And then there was like
A six week class
At the very end
You'd write a tight five
And then you would perform
In front of like an audience
And that first like pop
That I got
That was like
I never felt something
Like that
Yeah was it
Endorphins?
The Rush I guess
Like I'd never felt that before
And I was like oh shit
This is
Like I almost like blacked out
That five minutes flew by
Yeah anyone listening to
Right now
What Trevor is
I'm saying
People live in fear
Right
And people get scared
To try things
What I'm saying is
That you should try
Whatever it is
That you want to do
Try it because that's sensation
Yeah
Even if it's not good
Even if it's terrible
Just the attempt to do it
Yeah get a finger in your ass
Yeah
Yeah
It makes you feel
You get a finger in your ass
You know that's where
The male G spot is
Yeah
Talked about this
Extensively
We talked about that
I just know people listening
Are like
What is he implying here
But try something new
Yeah yeah
Whether it's stand up
I think there's a G stop
G stop
Yeah
There's a fucking roundabout
Up in that pitch
Cold to sack
Alright
G spot
Yeah
Right
G spot
In your anus
Yeah
I think that should be the title
This episode
I know but have you stuck
Your finger in your anus
Not my own
Right
Not my own
I don't want to talk about
Because we talked about
Assholes with Dominic last week
Right
Like four hours
Yeah for four hours
What do you
As a you know
As a comic young gun
What do you watch
For entertainment
Do you play video game
What do you do
It's tiktok like an idiot
I just scroll tiktok
Until my thumbs are
That's what she does
Same
Yeah I don't really watch
A lot of shows
My girlfriend watches a lot of TV
But I don't know
I just like the impulse
And kind of just keep busy
Because I can't sit still
For too long
I start fidgeting
And that's what's great about tiktok
You're constantly doing something
But like TV
I'm just sitting there
Yeah
And it just
But do you have ADHD
I don't know what it is
I just
I feel like I'm always just
I need to be doing something
If you're watching television
Or a show with your girlfriend
Do you feel the need to scroll
At this time
Something yeah
I mean it's like a slow scene
And somebody's crying
And like
Alright Instagram stories it is
You know
You got bad grades in high school
Yeah it wasn't great
Yeah
2.7 GPA
Yeah so
I think you
I mean I'm not a psychologist
Because that's what I have
I cannot sit still
But I've been trying to do
I don't know
But Tetris now
You and I
Tetris
For some reason decided that
Tetris was back in the mix
And we're both
What
Just really hardcore into Tetris
And it's just like
It takes up like 16 hours
Of our days
Yeah
Like the classic one
Or is it a new app
The classic
Just on our iPad
Yeah
But there's like a 3 minute one
Where you
You know what I mean
And it's like
It'll say
You're ranked number 10
In Los Angeles
Wow
And in your head
You're like
I gotta get 5
And you're going down to Craig's
Let me get a table
Yeah
Last night
Since you don't watch this
I want to recommend something
I've been watching
I watched
Long Lost Family
Again
Again
You know what it is
No I don't
I just love this one
Again
Yeah it was a show on TLC
TLC's got great shows
Thank you
I like shitty TV
90 day fiance is my jam
Yeah
Oh good
Married at first sight
Married at first sight
Yes all those are great
Love is blind
Love is blind
I don't really watch
It's like I watch shows
That are on flights
You know
Cause you fly so much
You're like
Oh great
This is on here
But every once in a while
I'll go through like a phase
Where I gotta watch it
90 day fiance was that for me
I became so invested in that
Show
Right
And I used to
Like in high school
My parents both went to
Work during the summer
So I would just watch
Like Jerry Spinger and Marry
Just sitting on the couch
Just a piece of shit
Just drinking Mountain Dew
Watching it
So you didn't watch
Squid games
Or anything that's pop
No I didn't
Because honestly
It got too much hype
Like all the spoilers
Were already out
There's too much going on
But that's why
Like 90 day fiance
You can flip on any given channel
Any given episode
And be like
Oh this is good
Very easy to follow
Easy to follow
Who's your favorite
Couple lately
On 90 day?
I haven't watched
The newest episode
But I will say
The necklace guy
What's the one we had on
Ed?
Dude you know who it was
The head grows
That one's good
But there's this guy
He had like
He had really intense
Like
He's from Canada
He had really intense
Like bags under his eyes
And he was like
A men's coach
How do I not know him?
And he was like
They didn't go on like
Washington
If you type it in
But this guy was like
He taught like mail
Like strength seminars
This guy?
Yes
Oh my god
The guy from Australia
This dude crushes
So he's like
So he does like
You could have just said
Indian dude
No I don't think
You don't have to do the fucking
You know the raccoon eyes
They have
I thought he was Canadian
No he's not
He's from Australia
And I think he's actually
From Mauritius
Yeah
And he had the girl
But yeah the girl on the right
But like he's like
A men's guru
And the best episode
In the history
Is he's talking to like
Nine women on like
Why women are dumb
Right
And how they edit it
It's all these dramatic zooms
On these ladies being like
There's no dudes here
You're bombing right now
That's because his entire
Identity was a fraud
I mean the whole show's like
Right
But the whole time
I was watching this season
I was like
Somebody get his thyroid checked
Because clearly that's
Except Falmas
This thing that bulging of his eyes
Yeah
And then the girl
Like called him out
He's just Indian
Anyway
No he was great
I did watch
Tinder Swindler recently though
We saw that
We loved that
I just like how he calls everybody
The enemies
That's great
Just really
The lady taking your order
In and out enemies
I like that
That's fun
But long let me
Pitch the long lost family
Okay
Basically
You know
You won't be for long
No
If it's on TLC
TLC is
Gossip Ray shows
So it's like
Either somebody was
Given up for adoption
Either the mom
Or dad
Looking for their son
Or vice versa
Who is it
Through adoption
Like when parents
Give their kid away
Or a mother
Gives their kid away
At birth
And then you know
40 years down the road
The mom goes
I'm trying to look for my kid
So they find the kid for them
And they reunite
Right
Oh, I'm in
Yeah, I'm in
It makes me cry
Right
But let me ask you something
If you were
If you
Because there was one where
Some guy
Found out his mom was still homeless
Oh
Yeah
Would you
I don't even want to go down this line
I'm just saying that
If
If I
Just hear my
I'm going to go in a different direction
Right
I like the first one
What was the first one
What was the first one
I will
In a second, okay
But I think this will clear it up
If I was like
Given up for adoption
And I looked for
And my parents were
Rockefellers
I'd be like
Yeah
Mommy
Right
Right
But it's like
If the reverse happened
Would you
I don't know
Excited
So if you're looking to
Find your mom
You find out your mom's homeless
Yeah
I mean, I would definitely try to help her
Yeah
I know, but there's
We don't know
Because you're a guy who's only looking
At what he can get from people
Whoa
Not what he can give
Get the Range Rover, Bobby
Get that Range Rover
Get that Range Rover
And this time I only want one door on it
For you and you only
Yeah, maybe you're right
You know what
You're right
I would be excited
Because I can give them a sandwich
And they'd be happy and stuff
Yeah
Yeah, yeah
That'd be cool
But this is like
I don't want
The constant calling
Like to mom again
You think she has a phone?
There's no call
Yeah
Yeah
Okay, all right
Wow
Maybe I am shallow
You think I'm shallow
And that
Yeah, sometimes
In that way I am
Yeah
Like if you had said something else
Like I'm just afraid
That she's gonna
Continually hit me up for like
Like let's say
She had a
A drug problem, right?
I'd be afraid to
You know
I don't want to be the enabler
She's always gonna want to
Hit me up and then
I'm always gonna want to give her money
That's a long
What I was thinking
That was not
That's a long time
I could feel it
George, right?
Could you feel it, right?
Is that thought
Where you're a month in
And then all of a sudden
She's just like
You got any more aluminum foil
You're like
You didn't make any food
What are you doing with that foil?
Yeah
And she made a hat
Or whatever
Yeah, my point is that
You know
I feel like they're gonna
Hit you up a lot
And it's gonna become
Like a co-dependent relationship
It just seems like more
Just added problems almost
What?
Argue
It's not an arque
You just
That's the assumption that all
Homeless people become
You know, homeless
Because of one thing
But it could be many things
That's true
We live in a tough, tough country
We live in a tough society
I saw a homeless guy
Recently going up
And he had a sign
And at the bottom
He had his Instagram handle on it
And I wanted to hate
But I was like
Honestly, why not?
Why not?
Yeah
And I
You remember it?
Let's shout him out
No, no, no, this was over
This was like three months ago
My biggest thought was like
What if he doesn't follow you back?
That's devastating
That would
Yeah, you're right
Yeah
That's what he gets
That's how he gets
Because he's really obsessed
With American Idol
So what he does is
Like, last week
He was just on the couch
Just going through
Every single contestant's Instagram
See if they follow him
And then being like
Dude, I love you
You did so great
If you need tips
Hit me back up
And I'm like
Bobby, what tips are you going to give him?
No, that's not true
That's a lie
And then if they don't
I said
I'm not done
And then if they don't follow him
Back within two days
He unfollows them
And then there's some message
But I know that sounds like crazy
But I've definitely
Thought that before
I'll be like
Oh, this person is cool
I'm cool
I'm verified
You're verified
Let's hang out
And then they don't get back to you
And you're like
Well
It looks like a relationship ends here
I have before
But I don't try to do that
No, what I do is
If they're just a regular person
That's not verified
I've had that
Where I follow them
And they haven't followed me
In years
And then I'll just start
Unfollowing them
I've been getting
Pure pressure a lot lately
Like at the Laugh Factory
Just like other people
Coming up
Be like, yo man
You got Instagram
I'm like, yes
I'm like, so what's your name
But then they go to type in
Your name
But they've already searched
Your name
But then they do that
Where they kind of like
They show them following you
Like, yeah
I just follow you
And then you're like
Uh-uh
You silence
That's what I've been doing
I've been scrolling through
The people that I'm following
And what do you call it
When you mute them
Mute them
I've been muting them
It's been very helpful
I'm not being rude
I'm just trying to find
The video of you scrolling
Through Instagram people
I mean, I'm sorry
American Idol contestants
Okay
Can I back up this
American Idol thing?
Yeah
I didn't fucking do that
By the way, okay
There's four videos here
I'm looking at
Oh, stop
Stop
Let me just explain myself
Alright, I'm sorry
Trevor
I want to be
We're new friends, right?
Yeah
Alright, so
I love American Idol
Okay
So I admit it
I love any show
Where people can conquer
Their fear
Right
When they get nervous
And they're able to pull it off
It's inspirational to me
100%
Right
When people do that
And it makes me
Want to go out in the world
And try it
I don't have a problem with that
I'm not done
I'm not fucking done, alright
I'm not done
Nice framing
Thank you, buddy
My beautiful lady
Thank you, Joe
So what I did was
There was two dudes
On American Idol
That I liked their auditions
So what I did was
Oh, you're DMing off auditions?
I thought you were talking about like
Final round
No, no, no, no, no
But like, you're like DMing them
Like, welcome to Hollywood
I'm the gatekeeper
Got the fuck up, George
I love you
So, I love it
No, that laugh was good
Do you ever DM people who bomb?
No
Okay, sorry to interrupt
So anyway, I fucking follow them, right?
Yeah
And if I don't get around
Yeah, but their activities pop in
Because they're on the show that week
I know, but the dude
But the two dudes
They go, holy shit
Bobby Lee's following me
Directly, they say that
Right, so the DM, right?
Uh-huh
And then I can read you the fucking exchange
I just don't like how you're like
Bro, if you need tips
I know, I'm gonna show you
I'm gonna read you the fucking exchange I had
I'm gonna plug these guys
Because I think they're fucking great guys
Let me guess
Can we just make sure they get to like
Top 24 before you plug them?
Is it Christian Gordino, that guy?
No, I don't know, hold on
Well, Christian Gordino just gotta plug
So, here we go
There was one guy named Noah Thompson
How many followers you got?
Noah Thompson?
Yeah
Has 7,000 followers
Alright, well, let's change the subject
No, what did you do to him?
So I go, great job
He goes, thank you dude
I go, this is so gross
This is so gross
He just said thank you dude, that's it
No, because I said
Great job on the, you know what I mean
On your audition
Read everything, read everything
Right, so this is so embarrassing though
Oh, I mean
Alright, so I go
I thought you were watching American Idol
This kid was really good though
Yeah, yeah, so I go
Which kid?
Yeah, this kid
So I go, honestly, just be yourself
Oh my god
No!
Just let me finish
Let me finish
Stop, stop this for a second, alright
Honestly, just be yourself
They say never meet your hero dude
I go, you've got it
Right
Hollywood and show business is bullshit
Oh my god
Dude, these guys probably think you're trying to fuck
Yes, it's a little weird
It's a little weird
Alright, I'm gonna delete it
I'm gonna delete it a whole lot
It's so predatory
No, no, no, no, no, it's so bad
I gotta forget the pressure and have fun
And enjoy the experience
It keeps going
What if he had no idea who you were
And he's like, this guy's just really going off right now
That's weird
He's like, how do you know dude?
So he goes, for sure
LOL, appreciate that a lot man
Coming from you
Feels good, right?
So he knows you
I have to double down now, right?
If you have any questions
Like I don't know anything about music
Or how
Like I'm telling you
This boy half expects to see a dick pic next
Right, yeah
So just send me a message
I'm a comedian, but I know things
Oh my god
You said that
Oh my god
This is literally like
You know what they do to catch a predator
And they're reading the text?
That's what it sounds like
It's like you said you are a
50 year old comedian
Is that right?
You know?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Bone town, 69
So
Alright
That's not the only one
That's not the only one
There's another, there's another guy
So what did he say back to that?
He goes
I watch yourself all the time bro
Love everything you do
Definitely will, thanks so much man
But did he follow you back?
Yes
Okay, I thought it was going to end
There's another guy now
Cole Hallman
He's from San Diego
Nice
He goes, is this actually Bobby Lee?
Feels good
Did you just comment on my Instagram?
Haha, what the hell
That's what he said
Yeah
I just watched podcast clips of you yesterday
Haha, right?
Alright
Now here's a little monologue I do
Oh no
Yeah man
I'm fucking verified bro
Who said I'm fucking verified bro?
You know why he went through it?
You just lost phone for a little while
He put it on the counter
I said kidding
I said kidding
You know why you were rude?
Because he was already praising you
too much up front
You don't react well to people praising you
Alright people, don't analyze it
Don't analyze it
He's reading the fucking thing
You were thirsty for Noah's love
You weren't thirsty for him
So I go dude, American Idol is my favorite show
and my girlfriend and I loved you and Noah
Oh you threw me in there?
I had to
Make it sound like he's not as creepy
Right
You are authentic
Girlfriend
I go you are authentic and super talented
Good luck brother
If you need anything, we're here
We
He probably followed you
He's gonna see you as a super mark and be like
I could actually use some help right now
I don't have any spare change
I'm sorry
But the reason why
Because here's what I don't like about American Idol
Whenever somebody has a sad story
I fast forward it
Like when they go
You know my godmother just died a month ago
I don't give a shit
But whenever they do the sad
Whenever they do the sad story
You know their audition is gonna go well
I want them to show the sad story
And then they bomb
Yes
And then the pressure of saying no to someone
Who just had a tragedy in their life
But it's like they show this whole thing
They're building it up
So when they do give the golden buzzer
It's this whole big ordeal
The golden buzzer I'll tear up a little
I'll tear up a little
Here's another thing
That's a different show though
So there's three ways they cheat
Contestants
In any of these variety shows
They either have a sad story
You're a kid
That's cheating
Because you have a leg up
And then if you have some sort of disability
Don't say I'm sorry
Or if you have all three of them
You're going to haunt everybody
You don't even have to audition
They just do the golden buzzer
You're like hey my name is
You're in
But one day I wish I had a good voice
So I would pretend
I would go audition
I'd have like
You know what I mean
I would do like Freddie Krueger makeup
With the crutches
I'd give you a golden buzzer
I was in a fire and sing
And then once I got the fucking
You know what I mean
The golden buzzer
I'd rip off my mask
Take the fucking
It's like fuck you
You know what I mean
And now people are DMing you
Just be yourself
Bobby you got this
Yeah
I have those fantasies
You know
But I love American Idol
And that was creepy
And I should not do that again
Have you gotten
Not messaged back from anyone
You sent a message to
Because that would hurt
Oh yeah he talked about it to this day
There was a girl on the voice
Named Mariah
She's so talented
She was this rocker
But there was a girl named Katie
On the voice
Oh yeah Katie
And we're going to go to Katie
And we're going to go to her show
In three weeks
Yeah I told you about it
You don't go to anything anyway
Every time I invite you to shit
You don't go
My point is that it does work
Right
But there's been like
Just shut
But um
And that's you know
Chloe Kohanski was another one
We've got Noah
Another voice guy
A lot of plugs tonight
Noah did our podcast
And we love it
So that's how you do it
You go hey
And if they don't respond
They don't like you
It does feel good
If somebody hires up
Like when I heard the shout
On bad friends
I was like
Like I got
That's the most message I got
From a lot of people in a while
About like
Oh did you see
That you were on this or that
So that felt cool
Yeah because
You know
I don't want to toot
Your little fucking horn
Yeah how'd you text me
What you said on bad friends
A little different
I would have been
I'm weird
If I DMM'd you
Oh yeah that would be weird
Yeah you're right
Your self Trevor
Your self Trevor
I had Bobby Lee
It's a checkmark
You pussy bitch
Okay it's embarrassing
Alright it's embarrassing
But you know what
I'm okay with it
I thought that story was
Hilarious
Yeah it's funny
And it's weird
And I feel like
I'm going to change
Yeah
Yeah I'm not going to do that
So is that the thing
Alright so
Look can I just say this too
Trevor
We really had a good time
With you here on the show
That has been great
Honestly
It's been awesome
We really had a good time
With you
I can't believe I'm a resident member
Yeah yeah
And we would love to formally
Ask you back one day
Being the rotation
Am I paid regular?
Yeah you're paid regular
At Tiger Belly
I would love to
I really like you
Thank you
So at the end of our podcast
We do a thing called
Unhelpful Advice
Awesome
And people email us
Problems and we'll try
To answer them
Let's do it
Unhelpful Advice
With Trevor Wallace
That's your voice
Yeah
Yeah
That was great
Thanks man
Hey guys
My birthday is 42093
There are times when people ask me
What my birthday is
And when I tell them
Sometimes the response is
Hey you have the same birthday
As Hitler
Or oh 420
The day Columbine was shot up
And of course the response
That every person has had
A puff of weed says
Cool B day
What should I say in response
To the Hitler Columbine
Massacre scenarios
Or should I
Can I get past
The small pet peeve of mine
Or how do I get past
The small pet peeve of mine
Your birthday is 421
Yeah
Live
Yeah exactly
It's that
Do you have another one
Okay
Just live
Just go to Cheesecake Factory
Oh it's tomorrow
Not today
Hey guys
The weird question
Also no one has ever asked me
What's your birthday
Have you
No I think more so
What's your sign
Is more common
Yeah
Yeah
I mean it's Los Angeles
That's how they get your drink order
Like and your sign is
Capricorn will spit in it
There you go
Alright the next question
Is from H.S.
When I'm eating
I lick food off my fingers
They get a little messy
I don't even think about it
And I've never had anyone say anything
My husband recently got back
From being away
From the military for over a year
And he immediately had
A problem with it
And has mentioned it
A couple of times
Asking me to stop
A guy he worked with
In the last year
Who he didn't like
Licked his fingers while eating too
And he said
Me doing it
Reminds me of him
I'm a bit over sensitive right now
Because I'm dealing with a lot of anxiety
But it really bothers me
That he's selling dislikes it so much
It makes me feel less comfortable
Around him
And I feel like I have to watch
The little move I do
Am I being unreasonable to be upset
What should I do
Well coming from a finger licker
I mean I fist my mouth
If I eat with my hands number one
And I lick every one of my fingers
So the husband essentially
Just doesn't like that
Right
So coming from
This is why I don't break bread
With anyone
Just anybody
You know the skill
I don't go out with
Be like oh let's have lunch
I don't do casual lunches
Brunches none of that
It's only with people I know
And only because
I have a way of eating
And that is with whole like
Yeah
Yeah I do it with conviction
Your eyes sometimes go
Across that too
Right
I do it with conviction
And full enjoyment
And I don't want the judgment
Okay
So
Can you give me an example
Like what a meal
Like for instance
Cause I know
Yeah I think I've done the same
Or like I've seen it
Like it's a
For instance like I eat
We have
Right we're Asians
There's always rice
In a lot of our meals
I don't use a spoon
I don't use a fork
Or if I use a spoon
It's gonna be in my right hand
And I scoop it in this way
Yeah
But I like to get messy
I like to use my hands
I like to break the chicken
I like to do
It's just
Okay
We were in
Cebu in the Philippines
She's half Filipino right
That's where she grew up
And we went on an island
And they had this gigantic table
With a gigantic fish on it
With a bunch of just
Rice
On top of the fish
Yeah
There's no utensils
You just grab it with your fingers
Okay
Yeah
And this lady
Yeah
What?
What?
That's her husband
It doesn't matter
Leave
I think there's a combination
Where you can kind of make it sexy
Like if you get hot keto dust
Off your finger
You know you gotta get the dust
But then do it a little quickly
I think
Like there's a way to like
Yeah
It's a weird thing to hate
Yeah but it's like
There are certain things
That she does
That kind of annoy me
Can you please name a couple
Yeah
Say them right now
Well sometimes
At four in the morning
I'll look over
Be careful
I have my mouth open
I have to or else I'll die
I know
I still bother
It still bothers me
I have collapsed nasal
You know what I mean
I think this is what you do
What?
Because I have collapsed nasal valve
So I can't breathe through my nose
If I don't sleep with my mouth
Slightly open
If I accidentally sleep with my mouth closed
I wake up in an episode
And my heart kicks off
Oh
I think this is what you do
But do you make a noise
If your mouth is open?
I don't snore
I don't do anything
It's just the fact that
Your mouth is open at all
But it's open like this
It's not even like that
And that's enough for Bob
To be like fucking close
Are you?
What?
Name me something that I do
That bothers you
Your mouth isn't just open
You look like you should be unplugged
From a ventilator
You're like
Why is it so open?
Yeah
It's so wide
Like six dicks could fit in there
Do you snore?
No
Yes
That's funny
That's how he sleeps
You're one to fucking talk
I just gave an example
Okay name another
I didn't get slammed
Name another
This is great
No I don't want to fight
You know
If I name something
You promise not to get mad
Yeah
All right
I just feel like
When I'm playing Tetris and stuff
Right
And you know I'm playing Tetris
I'm playing Tetris with you
I know
But you're like
Kick the dogs out
And I'm in a game
Yeah
That bothers me too
All right
Well that's fair
Trevor
Does your lady do anything that bothers you?
Yeah
Yeah
So she
And this doesn't sound great
But she's a wonderful woman
She drools a little bit
Yeah
So
Like when you're talking?
No like she's like laying down
Yeah
Like we're like an angry one
Yeah
Um
Yeah
But to get it up
Like in a mouth she's just like a little soy like
Oh that noise
But I'm not a big fan of it
But what am I
What am I gonna say like
Fuck it hey
Yeah
Stop drooling all right
Yeah
My dad had this thing where
If you drank water
And if you did a
Ah
It would drive him crazy
Really
I see for me
The slurping thing drives me nuts
Like when people have their cereal
And they hit the slurp on it
Or like when they crack a soda
And do a slurp
Like that's
My biggest pet peeve ever
So when I found out
She did that kind of slurp thing
I was like baby
I love you
We gotta work through this
But I'm wearing earplugs around the house
Yeah
Like a pet peeve
Why
When I'm in a Korean spa
We gotta go to this Korean spa
And Korean men will abruptly
Make a certain noise
And it just irritates me
Like I'll be in the steam room
And I'll hear it just
It'd be completely silent
And I'll be still here
I go I go I go I go I go
But all older Koreans say that
I know but just out of nowhere
But is it like from pain
Or is it
No it's like a stretching
I go I go I go I go
It's always I go I go I go I go
Because when your mom gets in the car
She does the I go I go too
Yeah and I go
No what the fuck is I go
You know what I mean
I think
Just go ow ow
What is it from
It's just like
I don't know what it
Yeah it's like that
It's like oh I'm stretching
But it's more I go I go I go I go I go
You know I don't like it
Wow
It just bothers me
Wow
About the licking
Here's the thing
I don't like utensils hitting
The back of the teeth
Okay
Like if you're spooning something
And it goes clank
I don't hear it
Or when you do it
Oh
It's like metal chopsticks
Oh
How do you feel about chopsticks
With the rubber bands
And it was like the
Oh the trainer ones
Oh yeah
Aw that makes me so mad
Dude that's my whole childhood
I mean like look at me
Alright alright
Look at me
Okay okay
Can you do chopsticks now
Yeah yeah I'm good
Go with it yeah
You just stab the
Yeah yeah
No I can do it
Yeah
So what I do is
So she likes to lick her fingers right
Yeah he hates it
This is what I do
Raw denim
You know raw denim
You don't wash
But to make raw denim look good
You smear food on it
Really?
Yeah he's looking at me shaking
Right so this is what I do
When I'm eating like
I purposely eat stuff with my hand
And I'll just wipe it
And it just has a cool sheen
Wow
It smells like shit
Right it's super dirty
But it looks dope
You kind of just smell like
Whataburger
You know what
That's another thing
I have a pet peeve
With the smell of scalp
Scalp
Yeah
How's my scalp?
When you don't wash your hair every day
It bothers me
Don't look at me man
I don't know how to get you out of that one
Do you wash your hair every day?
Not every day
Thank you
But I'm six feet
So not a lot of people are near my scalp
That's a good point
That's a good point
No because my girlfriend's shorter than me
And if I hug her
And you know
I'm nose level
If I wanted I could get some scalp
If I wanted a quick little sniff
But you know
Maybe just smell the hair part
Not the scalp
But scalp is a very thick aroma to me
Oh
Well okay
You know what I don't like?
The dirty pussies
The pussies are pretty dirty
Anywho
Anywho
I hope that answers your question
You have any plugs?
I also have a podcast called
Stiff Socks
And then I'm on tour right now
I'm so jealous of that name
Stiff Socks
Yeah
You do it with
Michael Blouson
And he's a foot expert
He's a foot fetish guy
Yes we want
I have so many questions for him
He's
No I thought it was like a bit
I thought he was leaning into it
He's like for real
You guys have guests?
Yeah we'd love to have
See Bokey
See this is one
Because you're up here Bobby
I feel like I have one shot to be like
Would you do my podcast?
And then like this fucking kid
But now we're friends
And you're booked for tomorrow
Bobby you're booked for tomorrow
I could do it this week
Or next week
You want to do it tomorrow?
I'll do it next week
I promise I'll do it next week
You just called it
I'll do it next week
I did what the people do to me
To be like follow me on Instagram
Yeah
What were you saying?
I'll do it next week
But I want to say this
You're a part of our family
And every time
You have my number now
If you ever need anything
You know what I mean
If you ever need any advice
I'm gonna just
You know
Oh yeah
Read you what I told
Let him plug his dates first
Yeah go ahead
Oh yeah we got a bunch of dates
When is this air by the way?
Next week
Next week
Awesome yeah so the next week
That Thursday on the 24th of March
I'm in New York City
The town hall
Boston the Wilbur two shows
And then North Carolina
Atlanta Buffalo Toronto
Huntington not selling
Long Island's not moving
So if you guys got a big Long Island base
Turn up
Yeah Philadelphia Baltimore
San Diego San Diego
Which one
Which one
American Comedy Company
Or are you doing the
Theater
It's a theater out there
And then
Finishing off in Los Angeles
May 20th
So
Trevor Wall's Comedy
So guys
Anyone listening to me right now
I'm telling you right now
Go see him
Because
He'll get to a point one day
Where he's gonna do
Gigantic places
And
You know
You might have to get tickets
So
Go see him now
This kid on the rise
He's so good
Alright
Give him a round of applause
Yeah
Very nice
What happened
What happened
I want to know everything
What?
Wait
Hang on
Tell me when
I saw the car
And it seemed cheap
Sweetie honestly
Yeah
Now seeing it in the world
I only saw it in the like
Because when you go on a lot
They're all next to each other
You have nothing to compare it to
But now
I looked at it
There's cars around
You know other people's cars parked
I looked at my car
Your car
Hang on
Yeah
No honestly Sweetie
I think you should get it
This one
You know what
I'm gonna get it in spite of you
You just fucked up
You don't think I'm gonna get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it
I've never wanted you to get
A car so bad in my life
I'm gonna get that car
Thank you
Please
Call the guy
Please
Alright anyway
I'm gonna get it in spite of you
You don't think I'm gonna get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it
I'm gonna fucking get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it now
I'm gonna fucking get it now
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