TigerBelly - Ep 349: Josh Peck Is Chris Hemsworth's Cub
Episode Date: May 25, 2022Bobby goes fast but sweet. Josh is gonna save us all... but only if we meet at the rally point. Khalyla asks about Dayton. We talk about the older lady with the Zenith, knight in shining armo...r fantasies, and fart microaggressions.Please support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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He has he's unlike he's unlike the photos
We're talking to it. Yeah, okay, even his skinny photos. He's unlike it
Oh, Bobby is obsessed with body transformations. I mean, I love transformations me too. Um, so he is going to probably no, I'm not
Don't tell me why I'm gonna be right. Yeah. Am I gonna be I'm not mean no
No, but he does is a lot with Gilbert because Gilbert also I also go up and down
He really just
You know, I don't he just recently went through his own body transformation, but I'm getting it back
I don't know and I said all mouse fatty, right? Yeah. Oh my god. That's really that was mean. We're already here. We're already done with it
Yeah, don't worry. Don't be worried. So it's the language. So it's she's a fouled mouth big person big
We admonished him
If I were her PR person or someone in her ear, I'd be like if you came out with a podcast called fouled mouth
Fatty crush it crush it. It would crush it. Yeah, yeah, you know, let's start
Very good, Josh Peck. Um, very nice. Do it again. You know the rules of trying to like yeah, yeah, yeah, very nice. So, um,
You did it already. Yeah. Welcome to
Oh
Josh Peck, um, very nice
You know the rules of trying to like yeah, yeah, yeah, very nice. So, um, you did it already. Yeah. Welcome to
another episode
of
TB
I'll show you where your hole is, baby. Yeah
Now such a creep. No, no
Show me where my hole is for real. Use your nose. Honestly find my clitoris right now, right? Find it in front of my eyes
Close my eyes and find it. Okay, bore meat and pineapple
Why bore meat? I don't know. She's an islander. Okay, you know the cyan warty hog. Yeah, close your eyes. It's fine
My dick. What does it smell like?
Close your eyes. Okay. Okay
Honestly, yeah
I want to say
Um, what's that wild mushroom you find in the Pacific Northwest with the wild mushrooms? Sean. Yeah, Sean Terrell. Thank you
Sean Terrell's very good mushroom. And what's that mushroom you find on an athlete having itch on their feet?
Athlete's foot. Yeah, it's a cross between mushrooms. Okay. All right. Anyway
Welcome to another episode. We have a very fabulous guest
We've been chatting before the podcast and um
You know, you know, I've been looking at his photo. I've never met him in physical reality
Um, but um, I'd say, you know, you fantasize through
Photographs and images because he's done a lot of work
Um, you know, he's done some of my favorite remakes of all time tuner tuner turner and hooch
Um, and the red dawn I thought was the better red dawn
But my point is is this top he's also had his own show on Nickelodeon
And he was in the Amanda Bynes show on Nickelodeon, I think right and he's done so much work
It's unbelievable, but he's also a podcaster and a friend. He was a um
You know a circular he was heavy and he was
No, what I'm saying is is that as a kid he was chubbo
Can you say that? Yeah fat fuck
No, he knows a show. Yeah, he knows a show. He was a chubby guy huge and then through but then he transferred and now
His legs are like Rogan's legs
He does he has two Rogan's legs
His neck. Yeah, yeah
His body is really nice. Um, and um, he's just all around really, you know
He's got you got a Tom Hanksy vibe about you. Oh, you know what I mean?
About just kind of like a wholesome, you know, boy next door, you know, I mean kind of a guy
Um, Josh Peck give him a round of applause
Thank you so much
Thank you Josh. Thanks for coming
What an honor
Um, let me ask you something
Bless you
Thank you
Oh good, let's start here
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So who's the guy to the left?
Echo Unlimited
So good
Well, when you're that big you've got to embrace hip-hop streetwear
The oldest, yeah, it's the only thing you can do
How old are you in that photo?
Uh, 15, maybe 15
Were you smashing then or no?
No
Why? You're a TV star
Doesn't matter
You can't, is there a contract?
No, no
A Nickelodeon contract
Can't smash?
No, you can't smash
No, just my idea was too insecure
Really?
Oh, yeah, I would sit home and just alphabetize my DVD
It's so funny because when I was a kid
And I would see other kids on TV
I always thought, oh, they're smashing and cocaine
And you did none of that
That came later, like two and a half years later
Oh, really?
Yeah, both, smashing and the cocaine
Oh, so you're 15 there at 17, you start smashing?
Uh, I lost my virginity at 18
To a woman who was like 15 years older than me
Who lived in my apartment complex
Oh, wow
Within a mile of here
Oh, Michael, how did that transfer fire?
Okay, so I live...
Well, I guess I can give it sort of location-wise
I grew up at an Avalon apartment complex, you can tell
I know exactly where that is
Okay, so it's not too far
And it's like the Oak Woods where everyone moves
When they come down
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I stayed for 15 years, all right?
Yeah, yeah
That's how highly I think of myself
So I'm 18, I just have lost like...
I'm in that weird spot, right?
I'm not 300 pounds anymore
But I'm 220
But I'm on my way down
It's looking good
Mmm
So my mom, still living with mom
We decide to do a little, you know, refurbishment
Of the living room
Get nicer TV
Yeah
A hutch
So, we sell the TV
Like you do in an apartment building
You put up an ad in the elevator
Right
Selling a TV, Zenith, 37 inch
We're doing well
You remember how much you were selling it for?
150
Wow
Okay
TV's back then, we're still high value
And very expensive
Yeah
Okay
So this lovely woman buys the TV
I go and deliver the TV to her apartment
Oh my God
This is a fantasy, dude
This is a porn
This is a porn
This is a porn movie
Is it in the valley too?
And I swear to God, I have erousals right now
Erousals, not arousals
No, no, no, no
Don't see, don't see, don't see
You won't be able to see it
Anyway
If when you want to see it, he don't show
Bear
Yeah, yeah
I don't want it
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm that guy
So you have a TV with you
Mm-hmm
Right, does she know
Let me, I have this question
So does she know who you are
In terms of the television
And all the things you've done?
I don't know
She was a nurse
So she, you know, first responder
Right, right
Good person
Yeah
Good person
But it doesn't
So I drop it off
And it doesn't happen the first time
But I get this feeling
The first time it could only come from
A woman of maturity
Right
Right, I said
I could do stuff with that girl
In your mind, you thought that
Yeah, I just got a vibe from her
That was very clearly like
Was she flirting?
I think that must be what it is
Yeah, yeah, she was flirting
But I was like, you know, any other flirting
You're so excited
I'm so excited
Well, this is like, I feel like
Every young boy
Yes
Like dream come true scenario
Yeah, it's also funny because it seems like
The kind of work he's done
It seems like a sitcom scenario
On the flip side
This is every young girl's nightmare scenario
Why?
If it were the other way
And I was delivering TV to an older man
And he was, and I got the vibe that he was like
Dr. Drew
Yeah, Dr. Drew
It was Dr. Drew
You know what?
What?
Are you okay?
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying
So it depends
I watched the pod, Anthony Bourdain
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Then you would
So that's not a nightmare
Okay
So don't lie
Don't lie
Don't ever lie again
To me
Go ahead
So I leave
And I just remember thinking
If I ever hear from this woman again
I'm going for it
Oh my God, please
I'm gonna raise my hand
And if you don't have to answer it
But every time I raise my hand
Just if you can, give me that
If you jerk off to her afterwards
Probably
Okay, great
Go ahead
So you found her extremely attractive
No, I just
I remember she was a very cute girl
Probably 30, 40
LBs overweight
Which was like perfect
I'm like same
Right
Like this is very doable
A cute face
Very lovely
Okay
Yeah, like an Akron 8
I was more imagining a Kelly Clarkson
Oh, yeah
Kelly Clarkson
I like Kelly Clarkson
What are some other thick queens?
If Eric Stone was trans
Yes
A younger Eric Stone
Those three but trans
Maybe
Yeah, yeah, maybe
Okay, good
I'm getting the picture
Yeah
Different picture but you can get in it
Yeah
So
Move on
So
One week later
My mom calls me into her room
She goes
You know that lady we saw the TV to?
Yeah
She doesn't know how to use the remote
It's a porn
It's a porn, dude
It's a porn
It's a porn, it's a porn
Yeah
So will you go over there
And show her I go
Wow
No problem
How did you say it?
One more time
Yeah, like dice
No problem
No problem
Yeah, yeah, yeah
An issue
So at this point I've just started smoking weed, right?
Right
How old are you now at this point?
18
Okay, okay
Don't go down my neck
Totally, dude
My language is my name
Totally, right
So go ahead
So like on social hierarchy
I'm like weed is fucking cool
Right
So I'm like I'm gonna roll a joint
Bring it over
Yeah, he's about
He's a fashion right now
I like
So I go to her apartment
I'm showing her how to, you know
Work the remote
And I go, hey
Smoke weed?
She's like
Got milk?
Same tone
Same thing
She's like, indeed I do smoke weed
I'm like
Joint right here
Yeah
So we smoke the joint
Right
Start kissing
Wait
Back up, back up
Back up, back up, back up
Build the tension some more
My bad, my bad
Okay
All right, so I need
There's gaps in there, okay
Okay
So you smoke the weed on a
I just don't know why I need to know that
Couch?
Casting couch?
On a couch, yeah
On a couch
It's inside the apartment
In the apartment
Okay, good
So you smoke weed
It's an Avalon community
Right, and then now
Is there small talk?
You're smoking it?
Is there any kind of dial?
There must have been
I'm not sure
All right, sure
What do you do for a living, young man?
Well, I'm an actor
I'm on Drake and Josh
I'm the Josh part
Did she know that?
You know what that sound is?
Before the sex
Did she know that?
I would imagine so
It was internet back then, right?
Well, yeah
There was the internet
Okay
I don't know what year it was
Al Gore created it
That year, that year
Oh, yeah, that year, okay
I don't know
You know, I don't know
She probably did
Because she had met my mom when she bought the TV
And there's no one who meets my mom
That doesn't know that I'm an actor
All right
You know, my son
My mom was at the ENT today
Your nose is a throw-down
And she's like, the receptionist loves you
I'm like, how did I come up?
Right, right, right
So, yeah, I don't know
I just knew that I had to make a move
I needed to go in for a kiss
Yeah, yeah
And then we're kissing, right?
Tongue and everything
You had kissed previous to this time
A little bit
Very little
Like maybe one aggressive game
Of spin the bottle
Where a girl
No, like with tongs
Make out, okay
But that was like a girl taking mercy
On my life
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And so we were kissing
And I'll never forget this
And my pants come off, right?
At my ankles
You pull them down, she pulls them down
She's like pulling
I'm pulling
I'm like, I know where this goes
You know
Oh, my God
I'm so happy
Listen to the story
So she excuses herself
To the bathroom
And me, new to this
Not knowing that that's like
Sometimes a thing people do
I leave
And I'm at the door
Why are you leaving?
Because I'm like, oh, we're done
He doesn't know that she's over there
To either pee or wash
Or clean up
She's washing her vag
Well, I didn't
Or pee before sex
Right, it's so weird that you would
All I did was play Dreamcast
But what I'm saying is that
In your mind, what do you think she's doing?
I'm like, it's over
We had a nice time
Right
I'm going to make this easy for her
Right
Yeah, imagine if she left
He left
And she comes in in a lingerie
Yeah
And she's like, what the fuck
Oil Lube
She keeps her lingerie in the bathroom
Yeah
On the tower
All right, so you're at the door
She comes out and goes, where are you going, probably
Yeah
And I go, you want to be her?
Yeah
Let's try to play it out here
Yeah
I'm so excited
All right, so you're at the door, right?
Yeah
I have to do sound effects
Hold on, let's start from when you excuse yourself
To the bathroom
Excuse me
Yeah, I got to go to the bathroom
Of course
Okay, sure
So now I'm in the bathroom
Man
Lucky, how do we wash?
Show me
Oh, I have to do physical?
Yeah, yeah
Yeah, slap that
Oh, you spit wash
Yeah, yeah
Right
Yeah
Right
And then probably my asshole too, right?
Yeah
Oh, got to
Right, because they're connected
No, fuck the hair, right?
Put the asshole in the faucet
Yeah, yeah
Right
Hyper
And now, here, tap, tap, tap, tap, he's walking
You know what I mean?
Right, tap, tap, tap, tap
I open the door
Where are you going?
Oh, I thought we're done
Oh, no, I was just, you know
Just, I was in the bathroom
Oh
Oh, yeah
And then she said, come to my room
Okay
Wow
Well, I don't know the script
So send me the
Listen, listen
First of all, I don't like your tone
Right, because number one
I told you the email besides
Right before last night, right?
So it's like, you know, so I had time to memorize
I know
Right, so it's like, it's just, anyway
Let's just live in the moment
Let's be free
All right, let's be free
Okay, all right
Oh, this is a curb
The film's free
Don't you hate when they say that with digital?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
We can keep filming, it's free
I'm like, fucking give me a break
All right, so
Come to my room
Okay, great
Okay
I don't know what happens now
I didn't read the script
We proceeded to do everything that I'd ever seen
Wow
Amazing
Like, I literally went down my list
Because I didn't know if we would ever do this again
Wow
Or if I would ever do it
Wow
So I checked every box in like eight minutes
What were the boxes?
Every position, every, just, I just wanted
I just want to know your variety of positions
So can we meet?
I'll ask you
I'll ask you
I'll ask you then
Cowgirl
Yep
Reverse?
No, I didn't say reverse yet, right?
Reverse cowgirl
Okay
I don't think so
Okay
That was a little too exotic
All right, right
Doggy
Oh, yes
Classic
Yeah, yeah
Did you go European, 69?
Yeah
Yeah, yeah
Did you
Did you go 33?
What's 33, babe?
What does that look like?
From the sides
Yeah, yeah
Probably mid-transit
I was like, let's knock this out for a couple seconds
Did you go dirty?
Like, these are like specialty moves
Yeah
So did you do the dirty Sanchez?
What did you shit on?
Yeah, how about a blumpy?
Boston steamer
Do you know what a blumpy is?
I think there's shit involved
I think it's like a blow job while you shit
Yeah, while you're shitting, she gives you a blow job
It's not professional
You're not going extreme professional
No, no, no
This is just like
What about the paranormal?
Did you do the paranormal?
Were we summoned spirit?
No
Houdini
Did you do the Ouija board while we're mid-coitus?
No, the paranormal is when you turn off all the lights, right?
You do her from behind, right?
And then what you do is
You switch out with your friend, right?
And then you walk by the window
Say hi
So she sees you walk by the window
It's illegal
That's right, that's illegal
You're right, that's illegal
You can call it anything fun you want
Yeah, yeah, that's illegal
Yeah, but she doesn't know, but my point is
All sorts
Yeah, these are all, right, so did you do any of these?
No
Those are all
Right, so you did
Does anyone do that?
Who's ever done
The mission impossible
Mission impossible
Yeah, right
You have to put your leg between the man's leg
I don't have that much muscles
Yeah, yeah, there's no
That's only for like acro yoga people
Bro, the bridge of Madison County
Yeah
We've all been in relations
Everyone in this room has been in multi-year relationships
At this point
Is anyone doing that shit?
No, because I'm not in Cirque du Soleil
Like, you're right
I'm sure I'm not French Canadian
Yeah, these are insane
What about dirty dancing? Have you tried that?
That's pretty common
Gilbert, have you tried that?
Yes, I have
I've never done dirty dancing
Yeah, but it's also not great, right?
It's more for fun
It's good for photography
Yeah
Not great for feeling
Dirty dancing, I just kind of imagine
Just the woman's arm shaking
It's like burning
Yeah, yeah, yeah
She's doing a handstand
Yeah, I don't know how anyone's getting anything out of Stargate
Is that a TV show?
Yeah, yeah, yeah
What if a portal opens when you do that?
Stargate's not flattering for the midsection
Yeah
Right
It's a little insecure
What's the top...
You're right, because the tips hang weird
in sitting up like that, too
Mine, too
Top gun is interesting
I can't wait for Maverick
Is that true?
I heard it's good
No, I heard it's really good
Is it? I believe it
Yeah, and, you know, I'm excited for it
Anyway, so you didn't do any of these
So you did the traditional Christian...
Yeah, knocked it out
Knocked it out
Congratulations
Did you come good?
Yeah, quick, standard
Right, did you wear protection?
Yes
Did you have it or did she?
I had it
But I was ready
Oh, you were ready?
Okay
I was ready, and I was like...
I was a kid actor, so I knew the pitfalls of some of it
Yeah
Like, allowed me to properly prepare for this
And I wound up leaving
And then she got sprung on your boy
What do you mean?
She got liked
She ended up liking him hard
Like me hard
Oh, she started liking you?
Yeah, and then she started threatening me
What?
Here's what I think
I think she knew exactly who you were from the get-go
And bought the TV just to get to me?
Well, no, I mean, as soon as she realized
Oh, this is the person I know he is
I'm gonna hatch a plan
Wow
Let me ask you this
Did you have sex with her after that?
Yeah
How many times a lot?
One more time when it was all cool, cool
And then I fell in love with a girl that was age-appropriate
Who was like 19, also lived at the Avalon
Great dating pool
And so, of course, I fell head over heels for her
And so then this girl is starting to call me once a week
A couple times a week
Wow
So much so that she finally starts going
I'm sure your mother would hate to hear what you've been up to
Oh, god
I'm like, you're gonna tell my mom?
Oh, fuck
Meanwhile, she now knows from this podcast
Sorry, mom
You've never told the story before?
No, I have, but not with the sex position change
So after that, you lost her virginity to her
Whatever happened to her, do you know?
No, I don't know
I mean
You moved out of
I'm 35, she's in her 50s now
Oh, wow, that's interesting
Yeah, good for her
She might have a kids and a family
Probably not, not alone
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Right now listening to this podcast
You're just angry at this podcast, you think?
Maybe
Yeah
Then you know what, I'll correct it
Ma'am, I think, I'm not gonna say her name
Thank you
Thank you so much
I needed it, I needed it bad
Good, yeah
Right, like I needed someone to shepherd me through this
Just a public service, I think
I think so too
There's many women in my past that I wanted to thank
You know what I mean?
Totally
The girl in the closet, after the comedy show
We love that story
See, you know, so you know a lot
Yeah, you know a lot where I cried and looked at Jesus
Of course
Nesotros, baby
Nesotros to you, my friend
And I really appreciate that
Hey, anytime
So you told me earlier that
I never saw Red Dead, the remake of Red Dead
No, Red Dead, Red Dawn
Red Dawn
Yeah
Right, but I would, now you
I hadn't seen the original Red Dawn in many, many years
Probably since in my early 20s
Right
And you were telling me that Red Dawn isn't good
Why?
Well, I did the remake
Which is, the movie's fine
I'm just terrible at it
The original, I didn't see till we finished the movie
Because I was like, I don't want to be infiltrated
By any, you know
I want to make sure my performance is pristine
So I watch it like a week after a week at home from filming
And by the way, at this time, it's 2008
So it's been so, or nine
It's been so hyped to me by everyone who worked on the film
Because they're all 40 and 50 year old dudes
Right
Who like, watched it at a time where it felt so real
Let me see
Chris Hemsworth
Hemsworth
That's huge
Dude, I play his brother
What a mistake
That was worth broking
Amazing
What was the casting director thinking?
Yeah, yeah
Josh Hutcherson
Hutcherson, yeah
Wow, who else?
That's it
That's it
Yeah
Chris Hemsworth
Everyone's great
But what was he like?
The best
Yeah, he seems so nice
Oh man, it's not fair
Yeah, yeah
This is, so he had booked Thor
But he didn't go to shoot it for six months after
Oh wow
So this is pre-Thor working out, eating protein
Being super Australian
He used to call me and Josh Hutcherson his cubs
So like we'd be hanging out in the middle of scenes
Like resting
He'd be like, oh, he'd be at the lunch lot
And he'd be like, oh, hungry cubs
That's great
He was the best, he's the nicest
And I spent that, I was so intimidated
Because here I am, right, I lost 120 pounds
I had dreamed of being in a movie like this
Which one are you doing though, right?
Yeah, the stoic one and the beanie
Yeah, that's you
Wow, okay
And I just shank it from day one
Because I tried to be Chris Hemsworth
When all they needed me to be was Josh Beck
So what do you mean, your performances
Like the director would be like, hey, what are you doing?
No, I wish he had said that
They just let me shank it
I wish someone had said, what are you doing?
Oh, right
I wish someone had been like, less
Yeah, oh, less
Yeah, it's funny, it's like, you know
A lot of times when they don't give you notes
And you're going through your good instinct
I always think to myself, I know I'm doing it wrong
But no one's saying anything
And you know what I mean, I don't know what to do
I guess I just keep doing what I'm doing
Because I'm happy
But I think instinctually it's wrong
But don't you feel equally, I know that
On the days where you get a lot of notes
You're also not happy
But you know, it generally turns out that they're right
You know, when you watch it later, you know
It's frustrating, you know, when they
Especially when they don't give you the right
Like, they're not clear about it
Fast but sweet
And you're like, fast but sweet
How do you do fast but sweet?
Show me fast but sweet
Sorry, I really think that I love really like you
That was fast
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't know
Like, you know, I don't know what
A lot of people's notes are like slower or faster
Right?
Those I find are good notes
You think so? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, because it's just like very direct
It's direct, yeah
What's a difficult note you think?
Ah, there's just too much talking
Like, imagine a time in your life, fuck off
Aww
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Enough, just like
Yeah, I like things
I got a note once, it was just like more gravitas
I'm like, I think I know what that word is
Alright, right, right
But like, or my friend
He was a great director, he always says like
I try to give actionable notes, like
So I'll say like, take care of her
Like, in the scene
Ah, yeah, I can understand that
You know, the other day I did
The history of the world, I don't know if it's a movie
Or a TV show, but it was Ike Bernholz
And Nick Kroll, and on paper
It was only a couple of lines
And they were like
Alright, so say this
And they would give me like, I'm not kidding you
30 things to say
Alright, action
Like, specific things, right
It was just so hard to like, you know what I mean
At one point I had to go
Guys, stop the cameras, right
Let's go off to the side
And just tell me exactly, and let me say it first
But it's like, sometimes it's like super stressful
And you know what I mean
Anyway, I don't know why I went out on the tangent
I apologize, my point is that
Red Dawn, right?
That's what it's called
The first one, it was Russians attacking
Do you guys know the premise?
Okay, so basically
I don't know, it's Kansas or some mid-western town
Am I right?
I think so, the new one it was Washington State
I don't know if that's in the original
Okay, so it's somewhere
Somewhere in mid-America
Colorado, right?
And all of a sudden
The Russians just take over America
Like, imagine
How many, they can't even take over Ukraine
Right
Like, they have a problem with Kiev
Imagine New York City
Imagine Compton, right?
Like, good luck
You're dead, you know what I mean
I mean, it's like
They parachute in
There's basically all these parachutes
I remember, yeah, I think I remember seeing where
The kids are in school
And one kid just looks out and goes
Look at all the people in the parachutes
And all these Russians are parachuting
In, right?
And then I remember
Harry Dean Stanton was in it
I think that's one of the reasons why I like it
Swayzee
Jennifer Gray
They had to work together again
Yeah
Before
Maybe that's why they hated each other
Than on Dirty Dance
Oh, did they hate each other?
She played a high school person
In the show
It must have been before
And I just remember
Harry Dean Stanton was
Yeah, there they are
See Thomas Howell
Leah Thompson, what a cast
And I remember
There was a scene where Harry Dean Stanton
Is in some sort of
Interment camp
What do you call it?
Prisoner of war
And he's behind these bars
And he's telling Patrick Swayzee
What to do
It was a heartbreaking thing
But in retrospect, the whole premise is absurd
So now in yours
Is it the same Russians?
No, originally it was China
And then they changed it to North Korea
Oh
So North Koreans just come in parachutes?
Yeah
Wait, let me ask you something
They changed it to North Korea after you shot it?
I think like
They just had Asians on set
Who cares? It doesn't matter
They changed it to whatever
Cambodia, whatever
Halfway through, they made a big
We were halfway through filming
And they were like, I was like
It's a lot of new pages
Because they wanted this movie
To be distributed in China
I imagine that was a consideration
Oh wow, that's interesting to me
So
Did they shot Asians
Halfway during the movie or was it just
Before the attack?
I mean, I don't know
How many Asians were in this movie
And why didn't you get a call?
How about that, right?
How about that?
Wow
You would think
In a North Korean
A Korean, right
Because it's not just
Ken Jeong and Daniel Day came flying down
They need thousands, right?
Why didn't I get a call?
In 09, were you just working for Joe Pitka?
What was this?
In 09
I was
I was on Matt TV
I think
No, I had just gone off Matt TV
And I was unhirable
Because of that shitting
In the office? I don't know
I just was unhirable
Can we see the Asians that were cast on that red dawn?
Please, yeah
Was it
Was the movie bad?
I shanked it
I equated to being
A pyromaniac
Hanging out outside of a lighter shop
I was like, I'm going to fucking burn this
And I did
From day one
But isn't that your perception?
Stop it
I got a lot of that for the next
So I get a lot of that for the months
The editing does wonders
You actors, you're all in your head
Yeah
It wasn't as if I finished the test
You read articles that are saying that you were terrible
Oh, yeah
Oh, yeah
Dude, I'm really bad at it
William Lee was the main Korean
Yeah, William Lee was the main bad dude
It's a one
He was the captain, everyone was extras
We'll just CGI him a thousand times
It's a bunch of William Lee's
Yeah
Who's gonna
Alright, so
So I finished the movie
And so typically a movie finishes
You have one year until it comes out
And then they're like, okay, fine
I'll face the executioner and I'll move on
The movie, MGM made it
And they went out of business the day we finished
So now they can't distribute it
So it sat on the shelf for three years
So it doesn't come out
The words getting around
The peck shanked it
So I'm going into auditions, they're like
Hi, how's everything?
I'm like, not good
This is bad
It was three years of like hanging my head
Wow, really?
This has happened, yeah, it's character building
I think
Let me go back to your
Don't look at a review
I'm not gonna look at a review, but I'm gonna look at what you've done
So you did
Turner and Hooch in 2021
Oh, yeah, I did that last year
So you love a good remake
Yeah, yeah
And that's you're obviously
That's you on the cover
That's me
So you're the star of the movie
So did that go well?
Yeah, it went great
We all recover
Was that the word you shank it?
No, no, no, that was just one
Because I was my buddy
The character like me who's like a non-traditional
leading man type
I can punch someone in the face
on screen, but I gotta go like this after
You know, like I can't do it
without any irony
In that movie
I was like, Chris Hemsworth
can deliver a line like, I'm gonna save you
Let's meet at the rally point
I can't deliver that line
So was it go to the line?
I'm gonna save us all
Let's meet at the rally point
Don't make me laugh though
Okay baby
I'm gonna save us all
What's so funny?
You can't laugh
More calm addiction
It was fast but sweet
You're a leader
Can I just give like the smallest note?
You're triggering him dude
You are triggering him
It's just like small
Because I do this, look at me
We're doing the same thing
How about no forward energy?
How about you sit back on your hips
What's the line again?
You're so nervous
I'm so nervous right now
I've never been more nervous in my life
What's the line again?
I'm gonna save us all
Let's meet at the rally point
Fuck you dude
This is so hard
I'm not gonna be able to do it
I can't do it
I can't do it
Caesar Milan
Is he an acting coach?
For dogs right?
You're a leader
You can get us there
You got it
I can't do it
You do it first
I don't need a line
I want you to do it first
I want you to do it
What is the line?
We're all forgetting to eat
I'm looking at you
I'm gonna save us all
Let's meet at the rally point
Very good
Very good
Not you
Fuck you
What?
The nostrils are just doing this
I know
So how did you do it in the movie?
I'm watching it tonight
A lot of forward energy
A lot of attention
Attention is fucking bad for an actor
That's the one thing I know for sure
It was just like a lot of
I'm gonna save us all
To meet at the rally point
It's bad
Always crying
Some beta cuck shit
You say beta cuck shit?
Cuck shit?
You have to imagine
You're in a movie
With these big people
You think it's gonna be a big thing
You think this is my chance
You do all this work
And choices you make before
I sympathize with it
I used to move on until you say
Let's get to the rally point
You're gonna save us all, Bobby
Alright
I'm gonna save us all
Let's meet at the rally point
Beautiful
So good
The tears in your eyes too
Cause I'm laughing
Those aren't tears
Laughing, that was really hard
You did a movie with Ben Kingsley too?
Yeah, called The Whackness
It was 2008
Before Red Dawn
Yeah, like I extinguished all that goodwill
I had occurred
But that's how you got Red Dawn is probably The Whackness
Yeah, straight off her
Wow, yeah, yeah, yeah
Do you think things are going?
Things are happening
So you think that if you did
Red Dawn in The Whackness
So if you think you did
Who's the other guy in it?
Kingsley, that's me
Okay, that's you, amazing
I worked with him too
Yeah, on The Dictator
I found him to be
The sweetest man
The best
Did you call him Sir Ben?
Yeah, I did call him Sir Ben and I remember
One day we were shooting and he sat on a couch
Next to me
And he started asking questions about my life
Which is really unusual because
At that time in my career
I don't know what year that was
Really just desperate
I was in a bad spot
I couldn't get anything going
Like you
For Red Dawn
I don't think I shanked it
But
I thought I was fine in the movie
But I just remember feeling like
This is my only opportunity
I got to kill this and the movie has to be a success
And it wasn't
But I just found that experience to be
Really cool, man
I remember
I asked him for advice on the last day
Of filming because
I never met my dad so I was probably
Trying to accrue father figures
You're a single mom
Yeah, never met my pops
I think we're of the same
Old daddy sperm club
Yeah, really old
How old?
62 when he hooked up with my mom
She was 42, my mom
My mom was 22
That makes
A little more sense
You had older
Parents
I have hope for us
So he passed?
When?
Eight years ago
And you never met him?
How did you find out that he died?
Google
Is he somebody that was an actor or whatever?
No, but he
Regular people have obituaries
I had no idea
What was the
Do you know if he ever
Wanted to be a part of your life?
I don't think so
My mom sent him photos of me
In a letter when I was five
I guess I wasn't like a fetching
Five-year-old because he basically said
I'm going to keep
On the path that I've been on
And stay out of this kid's life
Were you cute at five?
I was awesome
Who's weirded?
Who knows if he was cute or not
He made it seem like the dad
Saw the picture and was like, pass
That's what I imagined
He was old
He had three kids and a wife
And he was taking this victory
March into convalescence
And then he fucked up
I'm sure he probably was a guy who had had affairs before
But
He had a well-timed separation of six hours
Just long enough to
Be up with my mom and get her pregnant
Wow
You're 62
I remember once someone said this to me
When I was telling them about my family
And they go, well, majority rules
I was like
He had a family, he had three kids
And then you come out of nowhere
And this woman that he doesn't know that well
So you have three half-biological siblings out there?
Have you met them?
What?
I imagine not
Because I have sisters and there's like
It's a whole gang of them
And I'm not exactly hiding
I feel like they would have found me
Yeah
Have you tried to make this step?
You don't care
I've got enough friends
You have siblings?
No, I don't have any 100% siblings
Oh, okay
So the three that's out there, your siblings
They're probably much older than you
They're like in their 50s
Yeah
My dad was 62
My mom was 42
They went out for Deli after
Years later I found out
My mom and him hooked up again that night
Which was new information
But yeah, it was either the first or the second time
This is why
Fertility is such a thing, huh?
You have a 62-year-old
And what they tell you
Past 35
You're a geriatric
You're a geriatric
Reproducer as a woman
She's 42, your dad is 62
And they just hook up twice
And then boom
They have a fucking star
A fucking star, Red Dawn
Turner Hooch
That's amazing
What a story
It doesn't really make sense
It doesn't really make sense that I'm here
But somehow, I mean, my mom's 77
Wow
It does make sense that you're here
Thanks, Bobby
Because, you know, I mean
The little I know of you
I already feel like I know you a lot more
And I just can tell many things
Because when you meet new people
Sometimes there's just a lot of things
You just can't tell, they hide a lot
And you just can't read it
They could be evil, you know what I mean?
I don't know, but with you
There's just certain things that I know for a fact
You know what I mean?
You have a magical aura
Like a nice guy, very funny
You know, open
You get the
Timing of everything, you know what I mean?
You're in tune
Because you have to be listening, right?
To be able to, you know what I mean?
React
Maybe that's the acting side
Maybe
Or you're just authentically that
I think it's a combination
He's authentically a nice guy
But also, you know, he's been acting
Since he was, you know what I mean?
A kid
But I'm also a big fan of the show
Of all you guys
And I've seen you before
Out at our secret meetings
And I don't
But I don't approach
Because that's weird
And I also don't want to betray the higher calling
Of what that is
How much
Are you willing to talk about that?
I just wrote a book about all of it
All right
When you see the secret group
Can we talk about what that group is?
Yeah
I've been
Hanging around at the LA
A scene for
Over 20 years
And so you'd seen me
At an A meeting
And you never said
I just felt weird
I just felt weird because I knew
I would listen to the show
And I also like whenever anyone's public
I make sure to stay far away
Because I see how much they're getting hit up
And so I just want to be like
At all I can be of help
Sometime down the road, it'll happen
The thing I noticed about you
You have a quick little get up when you walk
What do you mean?
I know he already means
What do you mean?
You don't want to talk to Eddie
Oh the meeting's done
What's your thought process behind that
When you get up
Oh my god that's so funny
It makes me laugh so much
Because it is what something that I do
Head down, going
Quick gate
Quick gate
There's a million
I'll just give you an example
Saturday
Janina Gavankar
Who I did a movie with last year
Right?
She keeps inviting me to things
I'm in town for a couple of days
I'm always busy
So she goes
Three weeks ago
There's a congressman
Something Tanaka
Mark Tanaka
He's doing some sort of
Event in Silver Lake
Do you want to go?
Read it
Yeah
Two days before the event
She texts me
And now I have to go
And I read on it
And I have to donate money to even go
So there's a platinum ticket
And another thing
And the platinum ticket is like 500 bucks
I gotta go
You help me buy the ticket
And I show up
And it's literally
30 people
In a small little courtyard
And I'm sitting there
I don't know anything about him
I don't know anything about politics
I don't know why I'm there
With rich people
With suits
And I'm sitting there
And people are asking
Everyone's asking questions
So congressman
When you propose that
That article
And I'm like
I don't know if he's a Republican
I don't know what the fuck is going on here
And so I gotta go
And I ran out while he's talking
You crossed him?
I crossed him
And I did that walk
How long were you there?
A couple hours
Oh, okay
Because I saw other people leaving too
So I'm like, oh you can leave?
I don't know
So I did that in two
I had a great time
Your exits, even though you're
With a quick gate as you say
They're never that discreet
He thinks he's moving fast
Like the wind
I feel like I'm being like the wind
But you make yourself the most visible
What do you mean?
You took the route
Where you knew you had to cross him
In front of the whole crowd
Can you go to the back?
Alright
People have to know I'm leaving
Alright
Why be there?
It's the anti-Irish goodbye
He's like bye
But I'm not going to say anything
So I left for two
I was uncomfortable
I learned a lot
And then also secondly
There's a valet
Only one guy working
Somebody's house
And you think to yourself
There's 35 people here
All by valet
If I go with the group
I'm there for another hour
But sweetie, you know fun things
Always happen in the ninth inning of baseball
Everyone who leaves in the
You know
Would you go?
You're out
You and I both would be
Oh please
And I don't say goodbye
If I go to any sporting event
In the last two minutes
I'm at the top of the staircase
Let me ask you this
In a meeting if there's a speaker
Because my sponsor always says
You always have to congratulate the speaker
Or thank him
Do you do it?
At a 45 minute speaker meeting
When someone really puts in
It's basically a one act
If it's a 200 seat meeting
Would you?
And I don't like it
Because he has to say
Thank you to so many people
So his interaction with you
Is so quick
Something they didn't look at it
And then I was like
I waited
Luck eyes
I waited
I'll probably leave
You crossed the congressman
To leave
At the crowd
I didn't look at the crowd
Because they were all show business people
Just listen to what I'm saying
All right
Because I know this
Thank you for this industry
I know there's a lot of screen actors
And director
And there were people that I kind of
Recognized some actors
I kind of recognized some producers
And this and that
So it's like you can't go
Normal
So if this is the crowd
Josh you're the crowd
This is congressman
And you're walking this way
Do you tilt your head a little bit
To the crowd so that they know
You leaving
Don't get mad
I'm going to say something
And I don't want you to get mad
So there was a beautiful woman
Oh why would I get mad
Maybe you crank a neck for that
Standing against like this
Not a fence but a wall
Like a wooden wall
Outside wall right
And she had looked at me a bunch of times
During the thing right
I started getting a little jealous for real
You being real?
I focused on her
And then she smiled at me
And I went
No you kidding
And then I left
The wink
I knew it
I knew it
I don't wink
Well now
Let's dissect the wink
Was it like
You know me crazy Bobby
Gotta go or was it like
You looked at me a few times
I think this is what it is
Because I've never had
She was a little older
And she was
Sophisticated looking
What's older mask
Because you're in your late 40s
So she was early 40s
But she was
To the nine
Like it's Gucci shoes
The whole thing right
And she was wearing like these
Tan
Bell Bonimi
Really nice pants
He's very into fashion
That's the first thing he will notice
And normally
I'm invisible
But lately because I've been on sex in the city
Different audience
I'm being real
Sometimes I'll see older women
Fancy ones
Look at me or go
They'll even say like I love you
I have an honest question and don't be mad
If you and I
If you had free reign
And you could just go out into
The dating pool again
Do you think that the caliber
Of women now
Would be so much better
Than it was when you first met me
You're smirking
What do you mean the caliber
Okay you told me that
When we first started dating
It was Slim Pickens
Slim Pickens a little bit
There were some cuties for sure
But I mean like there were
I wasn't un-fuckable
I mean I had
Okay
Here's what
I would back then
Before I met you
Roadgash
What's roadgash
Right when you go on the road
That's what we used to call them
That's not my term
Highway honey
I would smash roadgash
And that's anyone at the club
And I had been in relationships
We know Sarah
That's a comic right
And so you're asking me if I was single now
No
You're not going to hurt my feelings
Okay are you sure
Answer changes
But I'm going to preface this though
I'm so happy to be here
I'm going to preface this though right
You're never
Allowed to bring this back up
You have my word
You're never it right
Don't do it
You're never going to use it against me
Or bring it back up
There is a knight in shining armor
Element to it
What do you mean
What does that mean
Expound
We might have to cut this out
I might have to cut this out
Flag this
Now forget it
I don't want to expand
You have to now
Try your best
You know there is a fantasy
Of going out with somebody that's like
Not at all from LA
Right someone
Someone who's
Scottsdale
More like Dayton
Like a farm girl
Like Dayton Ohio
Who would be so in awe of LA and the actors
That's what we're looking for
Wow, Paquito Mas
Yes
What is this Paquito Mas
Like where they would eat Paquito Mas
And go is this a Michelin star restaurant
That I read about in the books
The Grove is like a small city
Within a city
Yes
They basically sum up with stars
In their eyes
They have caramelized popcorn
Caramelized
I've only seen this in the movies
Stuff like that
And I could teach them about golden goose
Oh my
500 dollars Bobby
Really
Yeah
That you mean?
Night and shining on
So that
You're not allowed to bring this back up
Look I have a dad who probably
Did that with my mother and produced two children
So there's hope for you my friend
Alright I feel hostility
I feel some hostility coming out
And some anger
You asked me a question
I was being real
Naturally though
That was not the answer to my question
You willingly
Gave that information that is not related
To the question I asked
You asked me would I go
The caliber and then you said I want
Caramelized popcorn
Yeah
I know I'm just saying
I'm refuting because
I'm not going to go
Which I don't think is ever going to happen
Because I love you so much
But in an alternate reality
Because I just saw Doctor Strange
In a multiverse situation
When I'm shooting
A show like Sex and the City
Even the background
People are fancy on the show
And
It's like
That show portrays a lifestyle
That I'm not
Privy to
I just can't
Measure up
To fancy in that way
I don't drink wine
I like truffle
But I don't know the varieties of truffle
I don't know how it's made
You like caviar but you don't know the different types
When I went to the Bull in the Alley in Tulsa
I would go yeah the caviar
And a little thing like this
And I go I think this is fancy
It tasted great
What would Dayton Girl think of glue thumbs?
Wow
That's interesting
Interesting
I've never seen that much Elmer's
In rum form
How impressed would she be of that?
Look your glue wall
Yeah right
Where show me
That's a whole wall of glue
We used to have all the glue but I used them all
But
You're right you know what
Here's the thing
If you ask
Any of my girlfriends before
About Elmer's glue
They don't know anything about it
Do you know why?
You're the most comfortable person that I can show
All that stuff to
I'm being real
I wish I wasn't though you know what I mean
I get it
You can't get too comfortable
Yeah it's like
Babe look at this
Ball of fucking fungus
Let's slice it open together
I'm like nah
You openly fart?
He does and I don't in front of him
You can't either?
No you can't do it
I could but I don't
I did once when I got my wisdom teeth out
And we were together
For three years but we were still pretty pristine
Good Irish Catholic girl
Held it together
And then I was laying in bed
Watching Ridiculousness
It's a show I watch when I'm sick
And I looked at her
And I was like I farted
And she's like yeah
We break up now
And she's like no I have a brother
It's okay these things happen
But when I'm not on narcotics
You really do hold it?
Yeah I'll go to another room
I'm sure she can hear it from the other room
My son and I get a big kick out of
Farting in front of each other
But I just think the mere act of that
I try to be more than 15 feet away from her
Means a lot
Let me ask you this
If she farted in front of you has she ever?
Yeah
And does it turn you off?
No
What's the problem?
Because it's a microaggression
I feel heard
It is a microaggression
Because I do believe in total openness
And wanting to just
I want to know every single
I want to know all your juices or whatever
But to me that kills
The sexual
Feeling
And that's just me I'm not saying that's for everybody
But it does chip away
At that sexual
Hunger I have for you
Because I'm constantly thinking of your
Wet juicy farts
And
You don't have to use the adjective
Juicy
I'm thinking about it now I'm a little turned off
Yeah
You know what it's an interesting point and
I think you're right
And I will be more mindful about that
But it's almost too late because
You've seen, you've listened to all the
Varieties of farts
Every dry, wet
You've heard all of them
You leave town and you come back
It's always a new slate for me
And I kind of get a little excited
You come in with your suitcase I look at you
I'm like I like the way he dresses
I'm attracted to that person
And it's like
You know what you're right
I think you're right
So thank you so much
Any time
You mad about the
No not at all
But will I remember it forever
Yeah
You will?
That's just
Tomonota I always take notes
I always say that
Tomonota
I knew I should have said it then
No I'm never going to use it again
I know but it's in your head now
Look that is also just a fantasy
That's just a fantasy
Do you know what I fantasize about?
My fantasies go crazy
Being cummed into by 10 men
Different than a wink
A lot different than a wink
Different than a wink
Different than dating
It's a little different
Call the episode different than dating
That's a little different
That is such a natural
Normal thought process
To have if you didn't have
Do you have fantasies?
Sure I mean I'm normal
Just give me one normal one
Yeah
It's like when people get super kinky
It's like cool whatever your thing is
The thing is I had sex with myself
For so long
I practiced for so long by myself
The fact that there's just someone there
Who wants to engage in it
With me that's novelty enough
Yeah
I think I have
I was raised with a skewed
Sense of sex
You mean not because
Of the Lamala station but because
To defend you
Most people are
And were especially most people are
Right
But I had a friend named
Still my friend I still talk to him
And his dad had
Porn stashed around his
House
He had kids
And me and
At the ages of 13-14 years old
Would just scour through
When his dad was at work to find the porn
And we would jerk off to it
But it's like
I don't know if that was like
And this is a lot
I don't think that was healthy
Our friend Asa Kira
She's a beautiful
Porn star
But she has a really good
Point about
Kids, young kids coming across
Porn
You as a parent have that responsibility
To explain what porn is
For kids watch it
Without any guidance as to
That's actually not real life
That's actually not how sex goes
That's actually not how intimacy goes
Because if you don't do that
You will have kids with a very worked idea
About sex
I don't know why we're going in this direction
But that's like an interesting thing
We were having fun and it was light
And now we're talking about like
Real stuff
I wish my wife got more jealous
But we were in Paris
At Paris Fashion Week
I was doing social media for L'Oreal
And I just
Proposed to my wife the day before
So we're in France
I'm like we're going to do it up
And I don't know whether one of the super models
Thought I was handsome
Or like had some six warp sense
That I was newly engaged
And so she wanted me
Were you wearing a suit?
I looked nice
On Stamos' son on a TV show that got cancelled
I was crushing it
And so
I remember and like she made a bit of a show
Of it that she thought
Joshy Boy was cute
And I'm like looking at my wife being like
Right, stuck in crazy
Like take your rings off, show this girl what's up
She loved it
She thought it was hilarious
Because she knows your heart
It's securely attached
It's healthy
She's the lady of that actually going through
Like Josh, you're not going to date some international supermodel
I'm not going to lose you to her
Like maybe a really cute like
Pharmacy Tech at CBN
But not
Let's go to that direction
Even if you and I were single
We're at Paris Fashion Week
Wearing suits
You're doing a show with John Stamos
You got Gluethoms
I got Gluethoms but I'm also like maybe doing
Like I'm the lead of a Southwest
Airlines industrial commercial
Sure
That's very popular on YouTube
And we'd be two supermodels
They're on their own way
And they're like they're a little drunk
They have to be and they're like hitting on us
I don't know what to do after that
Me either
What would we do?
We would talk for too long
And the night would get too long
You and I would talk too long
We would talk to them too long
We would talk for too long
I would have to whisper to you
Let's get more aggressive
We're talking too long
This is four hours of talking about Skyrim
Skyrim?
What Skyrim is
The difference between BS3 and 4 is
It's the CPU core
I have a question for you both
If you were
If you didn't know your wife
For the very first time
Running errands at Gelsons
Would you feel
That same feeling?
If you met me today
Today? Am I single?
You're single, you're both single
And you're both at Gelsons so you're rich
Yeah
She didn't say Erwan
Gelsons pretty nice
Gelsons is not cheap
But have you been to that new Erwan on cold water?
Yeah, it's insane
Erwan is nowhere
Spell backwards, you know this
Oh my god
You're welcome
George Clippet
Wow
I did not know that
Erwan is nowhere
How did it take me that long
To catch on to that?
I would have never known but I have a lot of rich friends
Yeah
Wow
You really derailed it with this knowledge
You just threw me off anyway
If I saw you at Gelsons
Am I with Josh?
No, you're by yourself
You're just getting your sugar free red bulls
I'll just tell you right now
I would probably look at you and go wow she's pretty
But I'm not
I've never
Seen a pretty girl
Anywhere and said can I get your number
I'm just not that guy
So you would have to make the move
Would I be like Bobby Ling I love you
Oh thank you
Bye
I just don't have the moves
I'm not good at it
Are you?
Yeah
Because
I had a realization
At a certain time in my life
I think it was like somewhere
Like nine or ten years of sobriety
You know those interactions you have
With people especially during your teens
Where it just feels like
It's something or why was that not quite right
I realized now all this time later
That it's probably them
Like I'm a
I'm a fun hang
Like I'm a nice time
So if it's awkward it might be you
That's so good
You should think that in most of your interactions
Yeah
It's their issues
To me it's always racism
I don't know why it always goes there
They just don't like Asian guys
Racism
Everything right
What do you mean the french fries
Everything is racism
Every issue you have
No
I don't
First of all when I go to In-N-Out
If they say they're out of fries
They only have three things on the menu
So I would be like
How are you out of fries
That's all you do burger and fries
There's no chicken sandwich
That's number one
Is that what you're saying
Yeah I wouldn't think
Now if they were like
Here's fries for you Mr. Smith
But we're out of fries to me
Then that would be racism
Of all the white people got fries
None of the minorities got any fries
What if they said they're out of burgers too
It's just milkshakes
And everyone else was getting burgers and milkshakes
We don't know because there's no one else in there
It's pretty late
In-N-Out
When there's no one in there
It's a new one
Is it in Dayton
It's in Dayton
I'm trying to see what scenarios
You would switch the racism
In Dayton you're finally dating
This
Blonde cutie farm girl
With stars in her eyes
She's never even been to In-N-Out
Never heard of it
She's like Gronk but female style
Dream
And you're like I'm taking you to In-N-Out
But like no one in that area
Is interested in In-N-Out
You're the only ones there
I would say it was Morton's but just bring her to In-N-Out
He wouldn't know the difference
What's your name?
Layla?
I like when the parents were hippies
Or something
Jemima
Juniper
Like Aunt Jemima
Yeah let's see Jemima
I like Jemima Kirk
Okay so Jemima
You're like let's go to In-N-Out
It's a really cool place to be in LA
And then you take her there
So we walk in
No let me do the dialogue
Jemima this is Morton's
Oh really
Just like the movies
Yeah just like the movies
Right
And there's no one here
Jemima
You'll get a number 2
I'll order for you
You don't want to read
He doesn't want to read
Jemima
She'll get a number 2
Regular or
Animal style
Regular onions or sauteed
Grilled
Grilled or sauteed
Grilled
Regular then
She's not gonna do the difference
You're loving this dude
You're loving this
I'll have a number 1
Regular onions please
We've actually ran out of fries and burgers
We only have milkshakes tonight
What
That would be my first response
Yeah
But I'm looking back and forth between you and Jemima
And it's not adding up
In my little brain
Hmm
You're looking at who
I'm on the counter I'm taking your order
Right but in that center
I would just leave
You'd be like but you wouldn't call racism
No I would go to McDonald's and say it was boa
Can we just go to fast food
Yeah
Yeah
What do you and Jemima watch when you get home
Does she love
She loves Chuck Lorre
Chuck Lorre
Oh yeah she loves Chuck Lorre
She's like sad Mike and Molly stuff
Network
I mean she doesn't understand Big Bang Theory
That's just nerds
She's like I like the Jewish skinny one
No I'd probably watch Ridiculousness
That's what I do
I watch it whatever I'm saying
Gives me a lot of relief
I'd probably watch what she wants to watch
Like what do you want to watch
Now this pisses me off
You let her watch
What she wants to watch
Never giving me the choice of what to watch
Okay stop for a second
I'm sorry Josh
Number one
You've influenced me on a lot of things
Music
TV and film
There's a lot of things that I would never watch
Because and I've watched it because of you
Okay
And you know that's true so that's unfair
Yeah but you don't watch them with me
Number two that's true
If you look back
In the beginning of a relationship
I was willing to do anything
Because that's the
That's what you do
Long Beach
LBE Long Beach Energy
Long Beach Energy
I did all the things that you wanted to do
It's just through time
You just kind of go I don't want to watch that
Okay fair enough
In the beginning it's different
We all know that
I wish he watched with you
Right now
I wish he would watch the show
Called Old Enough
Because I think that he would get a kick out of it
And he is being really resistant
What's Old Enough
Oh my god
It's a show about little
Like Japanese kids running
Their first errand ever
It's really cute
I'm not explaining it well
But it's just a very cute
Show
There was a 50 year
Time in Korea where Japan
Oppressed us
It all ties into that
To me even the kids selling
Dumplings at a restaurant
I just imagined them getting in a plane
And flying into Pearl Harbor
For me I have
Deep resentments
Okay I'll have to take that as a valid reason
Is that a valid reason?
I mean my dad used to tell me
They used to hang us upside down
And get us in boiling water
And whenever I see
It just gives me trauma
So you want to traumatize me?
No I don't
Anyway, unhelpful advice
By the way, can I just say this
I had a blast
I think this is so good
Do you have your own podcast? What's it called?
Mail Models
You're not coming on, stop it
I know you
Let me ask you something
Did I do
The boys
Chad
Who are they?
Exactly
I did Trevor Wallace
And the other guy Mike
I did
Lex Friedman
These are huge podcasts
You're going on futurist podcasts
Who do you do mail model with?
My friend Joe Vulpis
Yeah, I'm doing it
When am I doing it?
Anytime, we record down the street
But just know that if you don't do it
I'm doing it!
You know what? You're banned
This is how Adam and I are
This is how Adam and I
This is how Adam and I
You get me a date
You lock in a date today
No, I don't believe it
Give me a date
Is this the new poppy?
It's going to be a movie next week
It can't be then
But that will sass a movie
In Florida
Aside from that
If I'm not conflicting
Give me a date
Get a date from me
I'm going to do mail models
I'd love to
What an honor
With Prioritize
With George
With Prioritize
With George
Wait
With a woman
How did the video go viral?
I'm confused
Not enough
It does change
It changes it because she's a girl
If it was a guy, who cares
But when you're a girl it's a little bit different
Yeah, but I've never seen it
Yeah
It seems a little
Like who gives a shit
Right
Your friends saw it
People that know you saw it
But if you're in a Starbucks
And even if somebody had seen it a month before
They're not going to go, oh that's that girl
From the video that I saw
There's just no way that happens
Because I've done a lot of things
And people don't recognize
No one cares
I feel like she has an addiction maybe
Oh there's consequences
There's consequences and
Josh and I can testify
Like, you know for me
I have three sets of friends
I have the people I grew up with
I have
My industry friends
That's including actors and comedians
And whatnot and podcasters
But then I also have a whole chunk
Of a section of friends
That are all sober friends
And my sober friends
Go from some actors
Some comedians but
Mostly lawyers
Mostly people that work at coffee shops
It doesn't matter
We have a connection that goes
Way beyond any of the other relationships
I have
One time I was at a
I was at a bar
This is when I was sober
In the 17 years
And I remember
I was in the bathroom having a bad day
And there was two guys there
Talking about
A step
They were talking about the force
I wrote it down but I don't want to
And I just turned to them and I go
Well you guys friend of Bill W's
And they're like, yeah
And I go how much time
And we talked there for like 15 minutes
Outside of the bathroom
My point is that there's an instant
Connection
Yeah it's a language of the heart
I mean have you met strangers
That you just met that are in the program
And there's an instant
Thing right? Oh yeah
I was recently working with a guy
And we were talking about someone and I was like
Ah that guy's an untreated alcoholic
And he looked at me and was like
You know about untreated alcoholics
Because normal people don't use that vernacular
Like oh he's a drunk
And immediately
We hit it off
But when I was listening
Like the first 100 pods
I had to hold myself back listening to Tiger Ballet
Because I was like Bobby's gonna drink
Oh wow
And I was like
Don't be that guy
Like you know obviously I didn't know you
Why didn't you reach out?
Because I didn't know you
You were moving so quickly from the meeting
No because remember you weren't going
You were pretty publicly like
I haven't been with me I speak at meetings
When asked but I don't really go
And then it was like
The sleep in 05
And I was like ah he's gonna drink
It's weird because
He almost announced it
To everyone in a certain way
Like a whole year before
He actually relapsed
He had already talked about
Possibly relapsing
He was almost planting seeds in everyone's heads
And I remember like a couple weeks
Before you actually relapsed
You had said hey I'm gonna
I haven't chosen a date but I'm gonna
So all of us were sort of just like
Holding our breath
But what I did though was
I knew I was gonna
But I was scared
So I went to a men's meeting
In Santa Monica
On 26th Street or whatever
And packed, not packed
But there's like 40 guys there
I raised my hand to share
I raised my hand and went up there
And I announced to me it was so strange
I go I'm gonna relapse Thursday guys
And I'm sharing right now
Because I'm just hoping
That someone can talk me out of it
Or God can intervene or something
Happened
And after the meeting I had a line
Of people talk to me
But it just I had already made the decision
It was crazy
It was so weird
I actually relapsed
I said just like
Call your sponsor one more time
Call this like I was saying
Can you just anyone at all
And nothing could convince him out of it
Because for a whole year
He was already sort of
He knew he was gonna get there
But you also don't like you can't do
You can't do like a spot fix
When the dam's about to break
Like you can't fix a couple small
Wow that's interesting
Like people will accuse me of this
And like I have a kid I have a wife
I'm pretty square
And people will say that to me
And I'm like I'm not doing it for you
Or for me I'm doing it because
I can't be uncomfortable
Like I can't lie cheat and steal
Because it makes me thoroughly uncomfortable
And the best way I know to combat that feeling
Is drinking
I gotta be really careful about getting uncomfortable
Yeah yeah
That's very interesting
So back to this lady
You know
If you
I don't know what this dbt or whatever
The things she's doing
I'm sure it's great
But if you want
An instant family
And you want to change your life
I've just been
Ever since I was a kid
A huge supporter of 12 step groups
I really have
I've been in them all my life
From them
Just one last story
Oh my god this is gonna be so
I think I talked about this already
But
The first meeting I ever went to
I was 17 years old
And it was on a Monday night in La Jolla
In San Diego
And obviously that was in
1988
Were you born then?
86
When you were 2 years old
I was going to my first meeting
And
So a couple of weeks ago
I did Tony Hawk's podcast
Did I talk about this?
Yeah I did Tony Hawk's podcast
Which is in San Diego
It was a great time and I went
It's a Monday
I might as well wait
To tonight and I'm gonna go to that meeting
So I went to one of my favorite coffee shops
The Panic Inn
Encinitas
Area
And I sat there for hours and drank coffee
And played Tetris on my phone
And then I went to that same exact meeting
And I walked in
And the first guy I see
This old man walks directly to me
It's me
He was older
But I remember
When I was 17 and I used to set up chairs
This dude was so cool
To me
And we instantly hugged
And I ran into 4 people that night
That I remember from 1989
On your first day?
On my first time going to that meeting
I kept going to that meeting for years
I had relationships with them
All these other guys
And me and this guy sat next to each other
At the meeting
We exchanged numbers obviously
But I remember
Feeling
Like I was at home
It's really
I can't explain it
It's like running into
Your grandparents that died
Or something
It was a feeling of
Emotional
And the way I
Hugged them
I would look at their hair
Look at all these white hairs
You know what I mean?
And looking at his wrinkles
And just looking at his body
Like it would be an old
Seabuddy or war friend
Or whatever you were in a war with
It was just that kind of feeling
And then
A kid came up and wanted a photo
Ruin that both
He was a huge
Tiger Belly fan
And I told him
Another magical thing
Because the reason why I went to that
Meeting was because the rehab that I went to
Would bring us there in a van
This same kid was
A Tiger Belly fan
He found out about the rehab that I went to
Through the podcast
And he was now being delivered to the meeting
From the same treatment that I went to
And he was just like
That's how I knew how to go to this rehab
And now I see you
What the fuck
I have a photo I got
Listen we don't do that because I want to be your friend
This is no longer
A fan
Kind of a thing
I want to help you
So no photo
Keep going to meeting
But it was just
Such a weird cosmic
Circular
Thing
Different generations
And it gave you
That feeling of
What I have always longed
For a connection
You know
And so this lady talking
It's like you really are missing out on
Something that's like
You know unexplainable
It's otherworldly
Cosmic
If I can
Spiritual obviously
But there's something that
I wish you could
Please try to explore
You know go
To one see how you feel
Because what you'll find there is
Something that
I can't even describe
Would you agree
Oh yeah I remember the first time
The first meeting I went to I heard that it said
Best you didn't tell me what was wrong with me
You told me what was wrong with you
And I identified
Cos I was like I'm reasonably
Articulate and like I've walked around
My whole life not being able to diagnose myself
And I was like
And you could throw some psycho terms at it
Like did I have depression? Sure I guess
Like I had a little anxiety
But that didn't really encapsulate it
But these people drank like me
Thought like me
Treated other people like me
But they weren't like a glum lot
They were like these people who were
Abiding by the social contract
They weren't shattered like I was
They had families and careers
And you know all the cash and prizes
That come with a good life
And I remember I went to like an all men's meeting
Early on I was 21 and I used to go pick up
I was tasked with picking up this guy in his
80s from his nursing home
And he would get in the car and he had like so much time
Sober and he would go turn off the radio
And listen to God
And he would go
And he would say you're here because
Of your mother's prayers
Right yeah
There was a guy who used to get
I don't know how he would get your number
But he would find new guys
Get their number and then he would call you
And then if you didn't call him back
He would come up to you at the meeting
And go a man calls people back
Oh I love that
They called you to do accountable
Yeah and it was like
Yeah
I mean that's exactly what it is dude
I learned everything from it
You know and
Here's the last thing I want to say about it
Is
Somebody said if you continue
As a kid when I was 17
You'll have
A life you know what I mean
Beyond your wildest dreams and
A big life right
And
And boy was he right
You know I've traveled the world
You know I've met all kinds of people
I've done things I could even
Never imagine
Like doing a movie with Ben Kingsley
Like we talked about earlier
Like never was that as a young guy
Even a concept
Because I remember watching Gandhi
As you know going to blockbuster
Renting it
When you're watching a movie you never think
You know what I mean but it's like
You know whatever spirituality is
Or whatever that guy said big life
It just sort of kind of came true for me
You know what I mean so
I just want to tell that to somebody
That's in pain and suffering
You know but
I just want to tell this young lady
I don't know who she is but
That it really is real
You know it does work
And I've seen it
You know what I mean not only in my own life
But in other people's lives
I really have you know so
But wouldn't you say Bobby like pain and suffering
Is a great place to start
Like I never learned anything on a good day
It's a great motivator
It's the only thing
Alcoholics react great
To catastrophe
Because it wakes us up
But like you just can't wait too long
Because eventually time will make us feel like
Man it wasn't that bad
Pain is a great motivator
It happened to me today
I was on Instagram and I saw John Mulaney
Alley Wong, Neil Brent
All these fancy comedians together
It hurt me I'm not even a comedian
Together the elites
With Kevin Hart the elites
It caused me so much pain
I'm gonna get him
Is that the lesson?
That's the lesson I got again
Anyway give him a round of applause
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