TigerBelly - Ep 354: We Sold Out The Ace w/ Fahim Anwar

Episode Date: June 29, 2022

Bobby is shark fin soup. Fahim's dick is a secret. Khalyla has an encounter. We talk our live show recap, scheduled sex, perfect Michael Jackson, robot distressed denim, and how our fans are magical poos (just like us). Watch Fahim's Special 'Hat Trick': https://youtu.be/HaTA-HVCo4wPlease support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. So guys, Saturday night was a hit. Success. What do you think? Man, that was fun. That was so fun. Honestly, that was probably one of my favorite live shows of all time. Even stand-up? Even like the arenas and shit?

Did I just say all time, man? Yeah, he did. Oh, I'm just saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Arenas? What arena? I thought you did like arenas in those like huge like shows, like the festivals. What arena? You mean the chuckle fuck factory in Idaho? What do you mean?

I played 200 seat fucking venues. What the fuck are you talking about? You're a legend. I'm not Sebastian Monoscalco dog. Oh, I was thinking here. Yeah, that's Sebastian. That's my bed. Oh, you mistake.

I get that a lot. Yeah. So yeah, man, you think I'm fluffy, bro? He's talking about when you do those stacked lineups in those massive theaters. Like, well. Oh, yeah. Like, okay. Well, now, yeah, those are nightmares.

Really? Those are absolute nightmares. Yeah. This is this was different. This was the perfect amount. So Saturday night guys, we played the ace theater in LA and it was how many seats was it? Do you think 1600?

1600 sold out or no? I think sold out. Say it again. Fuck yeah, man. And did we promote it? No, sold out. Yeah. Without Bobby's promotion.

Without me. I didn't even know about it until day of I really didn't have no idea because all week I've been from 10 11 at night till 10 in the morning or six of them or sometimes seven in the morning. I've been shooting that short film. So every night I've been just sleeping during that. I mean, it's been so hard. So you guys did everything and I showed up Saturday.

We did a rehearsal and I know that Freaky over here was so nervous. Very anxious. Dude. Leading up. I was dying. Well, I'll say this. I think that, you know, I'm like terrified of just generally being around people, even like one or two people.

So you can imagine the fear of me just walking in front of like a whole theater. But I think we did a VIP experience before the show. That was I think that was where we just sat with in our sweatpants with, you know, the VIP fans, 25 people, like 50. Yeah. About 50. And that was 25 or 50 so intimate and so fun that it took the nerves out. So it actually helped a lot for me to like meet everyone.

Well, that was emotional. Yeah. I cried a couple of times because, you know, you you walk around going, I'm a piece of shit all the time. That's what I do at least in my head is like, you're a piece of shit, you're a piece of shit. And then when you're when you hear people go and you never know really why anyone listens to you, you know, it's like, and when they kind of express the reasons why it really hit

home with me in my heart, like, oh, they're pieces of shit, too. And when you put, you know what I mean, a bunch of pieces of shit in a, in a theory, you get a gigantic lump of shit. Yeah. But it's a magical lump of shit. It's a magical glistening lump of shit. So it's like, no longer sleepers, no longer papayas, just piles of shit. I mean, and so that was emotional.

And then, you know, we want to think some way we had people guest starring, not guest starring, but doing cameos surprises. So we had Sarah Highland and Rudy doing your cameo. We had Esther and Andrew Santino doing a cameo. We had Megan trainer. Thank you so much, Joshua Peck. Thank you so much for showing up and helping us. They were in the audience and we pulled them up on stage.

It was fun. I was like, how like you kissed Megan trainer. I did. You understand that? That's because Bobby kissed Josh Peck. And I was like, wait a second. And so here's how it went down after Megan saw that you had kissed Josh. She looked at me.

She's like, you better kiss me. Yeah. I was like, wow. Yeah. Say no more. Yeah. I'll give you. Josh and I didn't do a tongue kiss.

We did tongue tickles. I know you did. Yeah. She said I was one of the best. She told me that two or three times afterwards. It turns out I'm a great kisser. I'm pretty good myself. My point is, so Josh, yeah, I kissed him and then it was just a great night.

I want to do probably more in the future. The suits showed up though. The suits. Wow. The men. Analyzing, you know, my reps, analyzing the show, you know what I mean? I think that there are ways to cut costs and there are ways to, you know. I'm angry right now.

You are? Yeah. That's the opposite of my pitch to you guys was, we know there's ways to cut costs. We wouldn't have had a $2,000. You would like to know the percentages of what you're giving out here. Well, here's the thing. It's like, we could just go on the road and do these like one sit down, one hour podcasts, but it's like, they watch us do that every week.

Why would we not put on an actual different show for these hardworking, paying. Well, the $3,000 Bobby, but ceramics worth it, worth it. I mean, how are you going to travel that? Oh, the but will travel. We'll travel. They, they, our other team figured out, we'll get it to Hawaii. That's yeah, that's how confident a $3,000. We've already discussed how to get to Hawaii, yeah, UK, Australia, UK.

We already discussed it. The but is traveling to Australia. We should do Australia. That was, we should do. Instead of our pre-pro meetings, just talking about the but you can't wear in Canada, Toronto, anywhere. Yeah. We can get, we can pull up Drake for a Bobbita goes to the market town, town.

Okay. That's, that's interesting. If the but travels, Bobby will go, but I would love to go to London. I would love to go to Australia. That'd be nice. That'd be dope. Can we tell people what it is or no? Yeah.

Well, I mean, you could talk about, I mean, you 69 Andrew, that's what it is. Well, he's 69 me. Oh, yeah. Because his dick was on my face. I was on the bottom, right? So he climbed up and he started rubbing his dick on my face. And I thought it was a joke. And you know, it was really sad.

Well, what's sad is that Bobby, like the night before had hurt his nose on set and he had a really bad, bloody nose the day before. So Andrew's like a heavy dick was just bruising, like rebruising it over and over again. So I could see Bobby grimacing each time like Santino dropped his dick on his face. Yeah. I think it was. Yeah. I think it was this one.

There it is. Yeah. There we are on top. And then. Oh, he actually like thrust it in you. He thrust it. Yeah. What?

Dude, it was not. It's assault. He's cheating. He even put his hand. It was assault. And then after giving me tongue tickles as well. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah. Um, we also want to thank Jen Rosenstein and all the people that work behind the scenes taking photos. Dude, Andrew Lopez, the opener. Oh my God. That fucking Filipino bastard. I love him.

My mom like couldn't breathe. She spilled wine on her crotch because of Andrew Lopez. Yeah. Yeah. Andrew Lopez. And it's so funny. It's like we took him from somewhere. No, but we took him.

But we did steal him. Let's be real. We stole him from Jocor. We stole. Fuck you, Joe. You owe me. Right. I stole one of your boys.

Okay. But it was so funny because Andrew Lopez used to work at CAA, right? And so Matt was like, what's he doing here? You know what I mean? I go, oh, he's open to the show. And then when he was killing, because Andrew Lopez was what assistant? Yeah. He was like mailroom assistant.

Mailroom assistant. Yeah. And then Matt, I could see Matt watching him going, ah, pretty good, pretty good. You know what I mean? And I'm like, oh, dude, come on, man. But maybe the suits shouldn't come from now on. Wait, but I think that adds to the layers of fun is that the suits do come to like a shit show that like.

What's a shit show? No, it was a beautiful shit show. It's not even a shit show. You said it was a lump of shit, Bobby. The people are. Oh, the people. The product is great. We are.

We're all lumps of shit. But the product was, you know, the company that did it. Real good story. And Stella and everybody, you know, and Brent and everybody, they really did a good job of it. But there was a point, though, when once we came out, and then we sat on the throne, there was a point in my mind. I'm like, I think we could be bombing.

We're going to bomb here. Really? Yeah. There was a thought because. You thought so? Yeah. Because it was before the first game. So basically essentially what it was.

I was getting laughs before that. I don't think you hear us. I was getting laughs, too, when we were out there, right? It's only is how is this going to play the games in front of a live audience? I can talk and get laughs. I can figure that out, right? But I'm like, when I was sitting there and go, OK, here's the first game is going to happen.

And what's that going to be like in terms of their reaction? What can they can see? How is it going to read? You guys, this was a test show. That's basically what. But it worked. Yeah. It totally worked.

I don't know if we were going to bomb or if it was going to actually work out, but I think it worked out. And the first game started so hot, both your contestants got the answer right in the first guess. And the audience. Oh, can we discuss who won the whole thing? Well, so it was a competition between Kalyla and I. And I obviously won. I'm going to win every one.

I'll tell you why. Because I'm. You know what sucks is that I won every time in rehearsal. She really did. She beat you every time in rehearsal. Yeah, but I didn't give so differently than yeah, but I didn't give my hand. You know, until you don't give your hand until show time, baby. You just had great people.

You know, I did have great people on my team. Shout out to Manuel. Manuel. Dude, Manuel. He in that first game, he got two of the answers correct after one clue and his story was amazing. Oh, I love him. I love him so much.

What was my girl's name? Um, not Alicia. Oh, yeah. Stella. Stella. I see it. I'm Alicia. I forget she was a speech pathologist.

She was great. She was great. Did I win that round or no? I did. But but I did. I did. I went around kind of peeking a bit. She did.

Oh, wow. Here we go. Here we go. What the fuck are you talking about? Here it is. What the fuck are you talking about? And I have a couple of people who kind of will like corroborate and say there was. Wow.

Collusion. Some. There was collusion. She was great. She was great. And she doesn't cheat. You know who didn't cheat? Manuel.

Yeah. What is Velcro? What is Velcro? Yeah. He didn't know what Velcro was. That's a suspect. But what else came? So that after that game, it was, I thought the thing that bombed the most was your stand

up. Well, it was meant to know, but what I loved about it, I thought I heard laughs. I heard laughs. I didn't. It was all canned, Gilbert. That was in the end. Oh, yeah. It was what I that's what I call it was, you'd put that laughs in.

No, I was feeling so good. And then I was like, oh, yeah, the editor added all of these. I don't. Yeah. What I call that little segment is called the piss break. I mean, so next time I go, if you guys want to go to the bathroom, this is the right time by some popcorn. So basically, essentially what we put out videos between sketch sketch, but games.

And so one of the videos that we put out was George doing stand up comedy. And they put in they put in canned laughter in the video. That's the only laughter you could hear people and because I looked at the audience and their audience, they were just kind of like, like, like almost as like they, you know, an alien landed and they're just kind of like, what's going on here? You know, like curiosity, but also like, you know, I could report a gripe. There's a Reddit user who said, like, hey, guys, those, the videos were so funny that you need to put them on YouTube, the, the Korean drama and the Pringles commercial.

You guys need to put those out. So I asked him if he was forgetting one and he said, no, um, those two are the ones. Yeah. Those two were great. So those two were also, he went to the show. Yes. And I still got mad at him and argued with him about it, even though he paid money to watch us.

Did you think that was good? What? You're stand up. Oh, it's great. No, you know what we do next time is you actually do it. Oh, glad. Glad. Yeah, we do it live, right?

And I, I'll bring you up, right? And I'm going to go legitimately guys, do not laugh if it's not funny. Honestly, if it's funny, laugh, but don't do, don't do, I don't do gift. I feel uncomfortable. I have a sweat mustache. Just thinking about it. Yes. I'm going to tell the audience, do not, you know, just what Bobby, since it's a live

show, I'm going to have our sound guy add canned laughter to it just to screw you for this. That would actually be funny. That would be fine. If you have a button, that's funny. You control the button. When laughter could happen. Oh, I would do, I would do the laughter during setups.

I would do the laughter when it's not supposed to be you guys like buses and then he does the punchline silence. Oh, no. I would crickets. Yes. I wanted a cricket. We'll give you a sound. We'll give you a sound effects box.

Yeah. Yeah. That'll be fun. Cool. But that was a failure. I thought the hit though was the Korean drama. We should put that online. Immediately.

Should we tour it? Should we tour it first? Yeah. It's got to be special. It's a gift. They got to see it live first. Dude, I was going to send you a video later of an audience member perspective of watching it.

It is not so much people are laughing at it. Yeah. There was a photo if you saw online of us watching it, you know, and, yeah, and Andrew turns to me and goes, who the fuck directed that? And I go, our boy, me. No, Andreas. Fancy. But Gilbert wrote that.

Yeah. And the actors. Yeah. Dude, those. They were all there. Yeah. They were all there. They were all there.

They killed it. You were amazing. I hope you someday do some kind of Asian sketch show and get those people in audition. Oh, no, they're not. They're hired. What are you talking about? In fact, I want to do, here's the thing. We should do a series of those.

We should do a series. Yeah. We should do a Korean drama series with those guys. We should pay them. Yeah. Three months. And we should be, we'll guest star in it and stuff. Maybe.

I don't know. But they were that good. Yeah. I mean, it was so good. Like I want David so to play Eric Griffin. Dude. Dude. Yeah.

We'll get a actor to play Santino. Santino. Yeah. We'll get a Korean actor to play. Who else? You know, it'd be funny. A guest star, a Korean actor to play doc. Would John Cho do it?

No. We, how did we find a little weird guy like that? I don't know. Korean. Yeah. That's hard. But anyway, thank you so much for coming out with success and any gripes about it? That was fun.

No. I thought that even the things that didn't work as, as well, like we're still fun. Bobby was right. The chaos as part of the show. The fun was, yeah, I think the chaos was the fun part of it all. Yeah. I have one more gripe. There was afterwards I was chatting with the suits for like 15 minutes and then I walked

downstairs and nobody had told me I still had lipstick on. Oh, I told you. So the whole, no, no, right before, right as soon as I was outside and then like right, once I came downstairs, you were like, yeah, you have lipstick on. And I was like, oh. The nose down. You look like the Joker. I was chatting with the suits.

I mean, that's how much you had on. That's the most I've ever gotten to chat with suits. Yeah. And it was just smeared lipstick all over my mouth. It didn't even hit my lips. It was a whole bottom half of my face. It was over-lined like up to his nose. Oh, and I also, I got, I'm not kidding you, I had a bruise the next day on my cheek.

Do you know why? What? Joe Rogan kissed me. When? Joe Rogan. At our show? Or did you guys go? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I have a bruise on my armpit. Yeah, yeah, don't. Because Joe Rogan kissed me there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Joe Rogan. So we went to Christina P's birthday party afterwards. And Segura, first of all, Tom Segura, what a fucking idiot. Why idiot?

Why? Because I show up there and he goes, hey, I want to introduce you to the Asians. So he would, like people that work there is like, this is my Asian friend. Oh my God. I don't, I'm not lacking Asian. He's like, no, you know, this is important. He went all throughout the fucking thing and people that were working there, hey, you know my Asian.

So I don't know why he does that. So funny. He did that. And then the second thing is I see Ali Wong and I want to say hi to her, but then I saw that shadowy figure there. It was Joe. And he just, I thought he was going to headbutt me, but he came in for a kiss and I swear to God, I had a bruise right here.

He's a really strong kiss, but it was really nice to see Joe. It was nice to see everyone there at the party, but I was only there for a second. The armpit kiss. Yeah, yeah. No, he just came to say hi. But he did give you an underhook. He was more like, I think it was an attempt at a hug, but then event, it was really just an underhook and then a fireman's carrier.

And so, and then I put him in a clinch like Anderson Silva, Rich Franklin kind of clink. The most awkward hug. It was like a weird, like how it wasn't, it was like, it was a clinch and we got into a clinch is what happened. But it was. He loves us. Yeah. He was sweet.

He was sweet. Yeah, it was fun. I love him. And we had, we had a blast. Yeah. It was fun. We had a blast. Went to Korean barbecue.

You guys left. Me and Santino were so pissed because I, all of a sudden you were gone and I was like, hi, where's Bobby? We're the losers. Well, I have two in-cell friends that they're not in-cells, but they're like my type. One of them is Esther Pavitsky's fiance. He's not an in-cell. I know.

And Gene Hong. He said that we're in-cells. I'm just saying that if Dave King, me and Gene Hong lived in, are you going to cut the song? No, no, no. I know we're alpha, but if we were lived in Dayton, Ohio, and we were all like working at a lab, right? I would go to war with all those people.

It's just that we, we decided that we are going to do showbiz and we're talented. Well, I'm not saying me. I'm just saying, yeah, I have a talent. And you know, we, we are able to get girls, but, but we were all at, uh, August C, Bokchang, Bokchang. And just eating food. It was great. Yeah.

In-cell nation. In-cell nation. It's a good band name. Yeah. Yeah. It's funny because Gene, I was like, Hey Gene, do you need a plus one for anything? He says, I don't need a plus one. I'm going to die alone, Gilbert.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. That's my thing. He's so handsome. That's why I love him. I, he's like one of my best friends. I love him because we have the same thing of like, you know, we're losers, but winners too.

You know, he has more confidence. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. His crew, the people he hangs with is next level. I don't want to talk about it, but anyway, even David King's next level, you know what I mean? But, so thank you for everyone.

Thanks guys. So we have a guest coming today. His name is Anwar Faham and Fihim Anwar. Is he here yet? Your style is so clean cut. It's like everything's just like, you know what I mean? Like standard Midwest, but like a little extra. Like fashion is so much brain power.

I'm so bad at it. I just want to take that guesswork out. You know, I just want to look good enough to figure out what to wear and be stylish to be on the bleeding edge of fashion. Yeah. It's so time consuming. I want you to be the bleeding edge of fashion, please. Yeah.

Like, you know, Rod Denham, you know, these T-shirts for me just, all right, is it clean? Does it fit well? Right. But can you step it? What's your priority? Is it comfort or is it like a clean look? Uh, fit, comfort, and yeah, probably fit and comfort. For me, comfort is number one.

Like I have weird little, um, stimulus kind of issues. Like I can't wear wool. I can't wear certain things. Like, like tight denim can never be my thing. So comfort is number one for Bobby. I think look is number one or like, uh, because Rod Denham, you would never like, that's terrible to wear just feeling wise. No, but what you don't get there, my fucking Eastern friend.

Yeah. Right. Eastern friend. What you don't get is, is that at first Rod Denham is stiff, right? And it's like, um, cardboard, right? But once you wear it for a while, not number one, you never watch them. They start softening and they start kind of contouring to your body, right? And they just look legit, right?

Those fucking pieces of shit you're wearing right now, right? Yeah. It's clean. They're good to brand. Yeah. Right. But you, but do you watch them? Some?

Yeah, of course. Yeah. No. You say Levi's? Yeah, they're forever. That's like, but there's no stain on them. It's so standardized though. What I like about Levi's, okay.

I know your cut, your number, you go to Macy's or anywhere. You go to Macy's? Dude, I'll go to JC Penney's dude. You go to JC Penney. Bro. They have that still. Don't bro me after JC Penney. Bro.

Here's the thing. Yeah. Like if you're just look, people don't know brands, like you can find some pretty cool shit. Like a thrift store elevated because a thrift store, you have to find a cool thing, JC Penney. They just print so much shit that if you don't care if that is JC Penney, you could find some dope shit. Can you really tell the difference?

I can. A $200 white tee. I can. And a high Sierra. Bingo. White. You can. Tell us.

He can tell the difference between like when something is distressed, say for instance, when it's an intentional distressing or if it's a natural distressing. For example, he bought these chucks from Italy that had been worn by someone for three years and he spent $600 on them. Oh, okay. And so when you look at the shoe, I, and then I bought into this idea because he, he sold it to me when I looked at the shoe. I was like, Oh my God, Luigi has been wearing this.

Yeah. Luigi. Yeah. Does it have a Polaroid of Luigi in them? Yeah. Yeah. That's probably I got my foot from guy. It's like sponsoring a child.

Like this is Luigi. Yeah. He's wearing your shoes for the last five years. But if it's obviously distressed and on like, let's say a foot locker, he's going to be like, no, that was distressed in the factory and I'm not down with that. Yeah. Whoa. Like APC, which is a, they do, it's a clothing company at the store and they have, um, Rod

Denham, Dunham, Dunham as well. They used to take their Rod Denham and pay people to wear them and a year later they would return them and then they would sell the Rod Denham and I would buy those. The problem has Kevin Christie. Is that a real person or a mannequin? That's a real person. That's a real person. Or is that how advanced mannequin technology is getting?

Yeah. Those aren't it. That's not it. Yeah. Pre-worn APC soldiers. I don't know something like that. Those aren't it. Yeah.

I have a shark tank idea. It's like a Boston Dynamics robot that wears Rod Denham. Yeah. Yeah. That's really cool. Yeah. It goes to like fake indie concerts. Yeah.

Yeah. Coachella. It's got to go to Coachella because of the dirt. You have to give it a list of all the things that you would do so that it's distressed exactly if you're like, yeah. Right. I would because that's really good. So there's a Boston Dynamics robot at Coffee Bean?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But that one's for Nick Yousaf. I have a question. Yeah. So for me, I think Denham really absorbs farts.

Yeah. You know, the smell of Denham and fart is a very distinct, very, it's something that I can recognize very clearly. I think he wants his Denham farted on. I don't think you want a robot. Yeah. That's what the robots are. No.

The robot can. They're trying to work the kinks out. It's hard to get the human fart technology. Like AI hasn't reached that point because it'll do pens oil and stuff, but that's like we don't do that. Yeah. Yeah. They'll get there though.

What about the ball sweat? Isn't that important for Rod Denham? We'll figure that out, man. Yeah. Elon. He and I are doing this. Elon will figure it out. Yeah.

How great would it be if we actually went on Shark Tank and there's the music and we're like, Rod Denham, you want it to be broken in, but humans have to eat and have families. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We would do that with shirts too. Like Rock Tees.

Mm-hmm. Yeah. We'll force them to go to like, you know, let Def Leppard concerts, you know, and, and the Rod Denham. We could do both. The upper body as well. Yeah. And you'll know it's ready.

Yeah. When AI becomes so much that it can like slam other people like their earlier stuff was better. Yeah. Yeah. Name me one song from that band. Oh my God. This robot's so pretentious.

It's ready for you to wear. Yeah. Do you, does your girlfriend look at your clothes and like it? Oh, yeah. It's not an, it's not an issue. You should see his place too. Oh my God. It's like,

Get a loft. Shut up. Let me fucking finish. All right. All right. You walk into his house and you go, how long have you been in the house? Like three years. Right.

House. It's like, did you just move in here with no, I paid a decorator. So I feel so bad. I feel so bland and like, and so just almost like a serial killer lives there. Well, I, like somebody kills people in this, that lives here. Yeah. So like studies actually show that like a home is where you're not supposed to have bright colors and big, bold art.

It's supposed to be a place of rest and relaxation. Yeah. I feel so relaxed. Look at this place. I feel so relaxed. You're like chilies. You just have all this shit. Do you slap anything against the wall?

Yeah. I want to understand, like I, living with him, it's just an explosion of color everywhere I go. So I think I'm always in a state of anxiety looking at like my bedroom walls, but, but I think that you're onto something. It's an expression of who I am. The planer, the better. No, that's who he is.

Yeah. Plane. He's plain. I'm minimalist. Like. All right. That's a good term. Kind of.

Yeah. Yeah. I care more about ideas and like comedy. Whoa. No, no, no. I'm not slamming you. No, no, no, no. You're saying to me right now is that shut the fuck up.

I care about writing jokes. This is what you're saying to me right now that I, my expression is being filtered through my house. Right. But I don't do it through my comedy. No. And what you're saying is that. No, this is what you're saying.

This is what you're saying. You're saying, well, Bobby, you know, I'm more prolific. No. Right. And I am more dynamic. I mean, and I'm opening the envelope so that I'm channeling it the right way. Is that what you're saying? No, I think this fuels you.

This fuels your creativity. Like the stuff you have on the walls, fashion, that makes you, you, and that fuels your comedy. For me, that feels like time. I was like, oh, I just want to get to this thing. Like this seems not important to me for me and I don't have an eye for it. Like I don't know what to put on the wall. You do. I had to hire a girl to.

You have the eye. Can I tell you why you do? Why? Because you have specific tastes in music. Uh huh. Right. If you were a guy like my dad, who's never heard, like you could literally play. He's dead now, but you can literally play the most popular song, like let's say, let

it be. Everyone knows what let it be is. I mean, you play in front of like, you know, an autistic five year old girl knows that that's the Beatles, right? Or whatever. Or I heard that song before, right? My dad would not know. He just doesn't know music, right?

You do. You're not only, you have a specific style that you like, you're like, electronica. Yeah. Right? Right. But very specific too. Like sometimes at the store, you'll go, oh, that's, I know that's, that's Marky Moon. Marky.

I don't know. I love Marky Moon. That's Marky Moon. I mean, when he was Danny Pluto. Yeah. That's LMX. Yeah. That's LMX 33,000.

And I'm like, I don't know. He's like, oh yeah, he's great. You know, all synth, you know, I mean, dark, dark ways. Like I like classics. They're an electronic band and, uh, yeah, yeah, they came, right? Or that guy. Yeah. I mean, so why can't your fucking place look like a retro kind of like cool electronica

store? I don't know. My brain doesn't work that way. It's, it's sort of like, you're a creative guy, but you, you do stand up. Like that's, that's your genius sound. Like you like music, but you can't play it. Right? I can.

Oh yeah. You play piano. Fuck. I can pick up any instrument and do a little. Okay. My point. Here's another thing. Right.

I do your podcast up in your house. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's great. I love them. Right. And it's like, you get uncomfortable when I bring up weird things. Yeah.

Cause we, I don't know. We just grew up different, you know? I know, but still. And I've had to break, I've made progress, but it's been, cause you raise a certain way and to be conservative and like even doing stand up is something that you're not like, I shouldn't be doing what I'm doing technically. Yeah. But your stand up is the most fucked up things I've ever heard in my fucking life.

Yeah. Thanks. I mean, like the Nike shoe with the guy in the wheelchair. It's like really weird. Well, the stage is kind of the safe space for some reason. Like mentally, once I'm on stage, no thought is too depraved or if you do the work logic wise, I can, I can get away with these thoughts. I always felt like I've had a little like holding coffee old syndrome, but I'm good

at conforming. So I wouldn't read. I don't read as someone who thinks this way or thinks that some things are bullshit because I can be very proper. Well, yeah, just like you're good at like, I think you're code switcher. I guess so. Yeah. You're an engineer, but you're someone who's just had to do that probably.

Yeah. Your whole life. That's sort of especially if you're raised conservative, like I totally understand that. I had to get A's and B's and yeah, yeah, there was a way to kind of, I ran into, I'm not going to say who, but I ran into one of your ex-girlfriends at the improv and I literally wanted to go seriously, what was it like fucking for him? I can only imagine, why don't I show you, Bobby? I can always imagine it's a very proper, like I say T-mines.

I go mission control, there's certain days, there's a window, the weather's right. Yeah. If you get her, Houston, we have a problem. Houston, we have a problem. You know, I knew a guy who broke up with his girl and they had only been dating a couple months because she would ask to schedule sex. She would be like, can we, as he grew frustrated and she would sense this frustration, she would be like, what about next Saturday at this time, does that work for you?

You schedule, right? No, no, no, no, no. Come on. But I will say the difference between guys and girls, I'm even doing a bit about this, like how women just like sex to organically happen, like a magic trick, I don't want it like to know it just happened, like they don't want to know that it's going to happen. Whereas with a guy, you could schedule sex three years from now and you'd be like, yeah, I'll be there.

I'll be there. It's already in my eye, Cal. You don't even have to put it in your cow. You know it. Yeah. And they go, are you sure three years is a long time? Yeah. What about your emotional state?

No, I want to. I'll be ready to fuck. I think, yes, in theory, the whole let's happen, it's nice to think that it's going to organically happen. But that's if, for me, I have to pretend like I want it to organically happen because I got to put a brillo pad down there. Like there's a lot of prep involved. Yeah.

It's like nipple hairs, brillo pad. Babe, I've seen hairs sticking out your nipples. Exactly. Because we've been together a long time and it's like, and I don't need to do the prep anymore. Do I? I love it. It's so good.

It's something to do. Also, the prep that girls think they need to do is for them, like the guy, no, no, it's for him because I could prep for him. He will do this. What the hell? In the middle. What the fuck is that? Like you're in a five-star restaurant, you're like, this garnished in the wrong place.

You got to see a dermatologist. I'll say stuff like, we'll make an appointment. Romantic. Yeah. So you don't schedule? I don't schedule. Yeah, yeah. No.

Okay. What are you so mad about? No, I'm not mad. Please don't get angry. No, I'm not. How long ago was it? I'm curious. What?

When did you see her bump into her? Oh, two weeks ago. Oh, wow. And for you guys, when you date a girl and obviously, you know, you take her, she sees you go up at the comedy store, improv, laugh factory, date her for a couple of years, say for instance, what are your thoughts when after you break up, you see him still coming around? Like, is that?

I hate that. Oh, it's the work. Because it's your place of work, right? It's your place of... I'm a big proponent of not mixing worlds. Yeah. Whenever I date someone, obviously I want it to work out, but I take solace in knowing that if it doesn't work out, it's like eternal sunshine.

I don't have to see or think about them. They're not in my life visually and I have to think about it mentally. So that's why I never dated comics and stuff. Yeah, but what if like, I see what she's saying, like, you're doing, you know, you break up with a girl and then you're at the comedy store and she's in the audience. Like once every... No, like all the time. How would fucking suck?

That's almost like... I wouldn't go up. Oh, you wouldn't? I would ban her from the room. Oh. No, I'm not kidding you. I would go to Emily. Listen, you have to ban her.

I have another question, a follow-up question. I have something else that I would ban. She has sort of made friends with your friends and her excuses. Well, I'm friends with this open migrant, this open migrant, that's why I'm here hanging out. My God. That is nails on a chalkboard. That's my worst nightmare.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. To infiltrate your life and just become friends with all your other friends and doesn't have their own and just sort of like leeches on. I need her to have her own life. Yeah. Hi. Good to see you here for him. I didn't know you were going up tonight.

Oh, really? That's weird. Because this has happened maybe like 10 times. My name is on the fucking marquee. Yeah, you don't look at the IG line-up stuff for the... Yeah, I had a girlfriend that after we broke up, it was a bad breakup. I treated her poorly. But a month later, I was talking to my agent and my agent was like, yeah, we hired her.

And I go, what? Huh? Yeah. She's an accountant. And so for a year, she was looking at my checks, right? And that felt so weird. She's writing notes like maybe it'll be bigger next time. Yeah, yeah.

Why are they taking 40% out of my... But so the one day I went over there just to visit her and just to clear things up. I don't know why I did that, but I missed her, I mean, she was a good girl, but it was still weird. Yeah. It's like, don't do that. I had this other girl that I broke her heart. I always break people's hearts.

You do. That's your MMO. And then she started dating another comic and he started hating me, right? And so I remember one time I was at the improv sitting there like having a coke or whatever. And they both came in, like gave me stink eye. And I was just like, okay, you won a war. And third question I have is if a girl, if you're really into a girl, say for instance, but you find out that she has previously dated not a comedy friend of yours, but a comedy

acquaintance, what are the rules? There are no rules. It's just preference. If it's pretty close to my circle, I don't like that. Yeah. If it's a satellite, you still got to evaluate it. It is weird though, when a girl is into one genre, like all she dates is skaters or all she dates is comedians or all she dates is musicians.

That's like, I'm like an Asian chip or something. It's a fetish. It's a fetish. Yeah. Then like it's not even about me. She just sees a silhouette with a microphone. Yeah. You know?

I see what you're saying. So there was a girl that, I don't know if I probably talked about this, but there was a girl that, like any girl that fucks me from a comedy club, right, has fucked everyone else. Basically, it's essentially what I want to say. Like, yeah. So I met this girl. She was in the parking lot at the store.

I pull up and she's a stitch beautiful girl. And she comes up to me. She goes, I'm just a huge fan. I go, oh, thank you. Because, you know, when there was a hot chick, I, I, I use an Asian accent. Oh, thank you. Thank you. She goes, um, she does this, she goes, I live in Bakersfield, but I have problems with

my car. So I'm just going with my car. Like that scam. Yeah. That scam. Right. That good old scam. So I go, I go, oh.

Oh. Oh. She goes, English is tough for me. Yeah. And she goes, is there any way I just can spend the night? Right? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Oh, you're right. So she, you broke a board for something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. So, um, she comes over to my house and we're sitting there watching TV in the condo. The blue couch. Yeah. The blue couch. Anyway, we, we hook up and then obviously three days later, um, a comic calls me and he basically goes, um, are you with that girl? I go, how do you know?

And he goes, oh, everyone's fucked her. Oh. And now it, my heart broke. It's like the usual suspects, just the coffee mug drop. Yeah. You're piecing it up. But here's how, how, why, why it's heartbreaking. Years later, Russell Peters comes up to me.

Oh yeah. And he goes, um, hey, you know this girl? I go, yeah, yeah. And I go, yeah, she fucked me and everyone. And she's like, she never mentioned you. Oh. She admitted to every single person that she had fucked, except for me. She denies me.

Wow. No. For a week I did, but she's like, no, gross. That's like not making a festival lineup. Why am I not on the poster? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is my font so small? Yeah.

It felt like I didn't, wasn't invited new faces again, you know what I mean, like again, you know what I mean? Like it felt like it's, yeah, like not being picked for the team. You know what I mean? It was like really hurtful. That is hurtful. But that happens, that happened to me many times. Another thing was a girl in Dallas, she was a waitress at the Addison and Prague.

Nice girl. But she, Pablo Francis came up to me and said, oh yeah, I hooked up with that girl. Me too. He said, no, she never mentioned you. Oh. This happened twice. Yeah. Maybe I'm like, am I, I don't know, am I ugly?

What is it? No, tell me what it is. No, it's not. Let's be real though. Oh, okay. I can handle. Girls were probably raised with a certain idea of what they think an attractive man is, and they haven't elevated to appreciating, appreciating how hot Asian men are.

I equate it to, I think I'm like ordering bone marrow at a restaurant. Or shark fin soup. Because you got to try it, but it's pretty good. I'm shark fin soup. Don't give me those looks. It's good. Yeah. Yeah.

But also, it's like my, my, my most proudest badges of honor is when I fuck uggos. Yeah. Like fucking uggos. Thanks, babe. I'm not YouTube. Fuck shark fin soup. No, no, you're hot compared to some uggos I've been with. Thank you.

I think when girls get older, or just people in general, when you're younger, you adhere to these traditional stats of beauty. And then as you get older, you kind of become more in tune with what you like. Yeah. And then when girls, and they're like, they're like, I like guys with big noses or something. Oh my God. I have a friend who just sends me pictures of dudes with big noses all day. But then I feel like a fetish again, you know, it's like, it's nice, everything's a

fetish. But you know why it is for her? So her thing is when a guy goes down on her and he has, it's like a dildo. Yes. So it touches an inadvertent dildo like he doesn't even want to, but by nature, it's basically like when you're down on the lips, your nose is touching the clit. It's even more hurtful. Like it's not, it's just mechanic.

It's not even like, I think it's visually stunning. Your big schnoz stimulates my clit. It kind of kills two birds with one stone, so your face is very effective at cunniling. So it's almost like evolutionary, like the Afghan developed a larger nose to stimulate the clitoris. I mean, do you smell better? Or what? What do you mean?

You think you smell more than I do? Yeah. You guys get bigger noses. Yeah. Maybe. Yeah. I don't know. Cause every, every white person with a button nose was like adjusting their mask and mine

was fucking anchored on there the whole pandemic. Like I had one mask the whole pandemic. Dude. Cause it didn't budge. Mine was like hermetically sealed. It was fucking airtight on his face. Yeah. Yeah.

But like Neil Brennan was adjusting his at every show, mine is just hanging on for dear life. I'm gonna flip off my face. Yeah. I have just no anchor. So that's what you're saying. You have an anchor. I have a good anchor.

Yeah. That's pretty cool dude. Yeah. Yeah. I'm waiting for the next pandemic. That's my time. Yeah. Athletic greens.

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I had these dreams out of Time Machine and like two years before the pandemic, just come up with a business that would have been like Zoom, like create Zoom. That's cool. Yeah. Create Zoom. Or just even like medical supplies that they were like lacking, like, you know, ventilators. But like if I had Time Machine, I would like five years, like I would travel five years from now and whisper to my old self, build ventilators.

But then I wouldn't know like, you know what I mean? What to do with them? Yeah. Yeah. I had this joke. I was like, man, can you guys, when you think about it, Michael Jackson was just so ahead of his time. He was ahead of everybody else.

He was wearing masks before all of them. He was fucking kids before Epstein. Just like really ahead of him. Yeah, he was ahead of his time. He kind of was, right, because you would see Michael with the mask and you'd be like, oh, what a weirdo. Or that was so strange visually, remember? But did he wear the mask tonight because he didn't want to get sick?

I don't know. I wonder if it was part of it was like a way to disguise the plastic surgery on the nose. I wonder if it was that or part of it was germs too. But he popularized the mask, but it was so strange. But now it's normalized. After this, no one, some people still travel with a mask on and it's not weird. Oh, yeah. Do you think that?

Everywhere. Yeah. Do you think honestly, because obviously he started looking very, he started looking very bizarre. Yeah. You think after each surgery, he literally looked in the mirror and went, that's it. That's a good point. That's a good point.

He's getting better. I'm curious. I like to ask this question. Yeah. What era, Michael Jackson, do you believe he was perfect and should have stopped? Off the wall. I think so too. In terms of look.

In the look. I think they're. I will go as far as thriller. I think thriller, Mike is still good. That's bordering, but it's still bordering on the middle. You're right. I would pass that. Like if that was my husband, I'd be like, that's, this is it.

Enough. Enough's enough. You're not going to go, you know what I mean? I think we've progressed so far as society in accepting all forms of racial beauty that off the wall, Mike, probably would have been acceptable and he would have felt more comfortable in his skin in 2022. Mike in the 90s or 80s. Yeah. That is appropriate for that period, I would say. Oh, here we go. So is 83 thriller? No. Yeah, I think 83 is filler. I think 79 is off the wall. I like 79, Mike,

actually. 79. Yeah, that's off the wall. That's what I'm saying. But I mean, 77 Mike is good too. Yeah, 77 Mike is great. Yeah. 91 is already too far. 91 is crazy. Yeah. 95 though is getting to fun. When do you think people like tweaked or like twigged on what's going on? Do you think they saw bad and they're like, what's going on here? Or not because he's because look at the generally over. It's like a slow burn, right? You just kind of go over the years. It just slowly happens. How he'd have looked kind of like Cosby Cosby and George Clooney. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think that's not the way he would look. I don't think there's no way. Well, we don't know. You would be completely invisible, I think in my head. No, if he hadn't like translucent almost, right? Yeah. He's like,

I'm there. My final form. Thanks, doc. You nailed it. You just put a picture of Casper. I'm ethereal. I'm ethereal. I'm energy now. You're all over the house. I'm pure energy now. I'm pure energy. I'm never dead. Yeah. Yeah. Like you watch his music videos. He says, no one on screen. It's just like a, you know what I mean? Like, you know what I mean? Like a flare or something. Yeah. That'd be funny. Poor Mike, though. I just heard some audio of him. It was really sad. I think he might have been in his twenties and telling somebody, I don't know if he was saying it to basically saying like, I've never been with a woman. I've never been in a relationship. This is when he was obsessed. After he was obsessed with Diana Ross, apparently, like he was wildly

obsessed with her for a long time. But after that, he was asking either his management team, like, how can it, how can this happen for me? How can we make this happen for me? I want to be with somebody. If I was Jermaine Jackson, I would have just went to the family. I'm taking Mike on a world tour, but not music. No, I would, I would just push out like a pussy tour. Here's the crazy dichotomy, though, like because of his upbringing and the way he was raised, he was deficient in this area and he never got to progress. But his fame in stardom was so huge and exponential that when he was with the girl acting the way he does, if he wasn't famous, every girl would be like peace. But it's fucking Michael Jackson. Even if it's like,

you want to have popcorn or you can play video games with like a supermodel. Yeah. They'd be like, yeah, whatever, whatever, Mike, because his talent is that great. Yeah. But if he worked at Best Buy or something, it was like, you want to play N64? No way. Yeah. There's no way. He was totally like arrested development. Like, I'm not trying to defend the pedophilia, but like, I don't know. I don't know. What do you feel? What do you feel? I don't know. You don't know? Yeah. I mean, anyway, you slice it. What did your gut say? Because this is where he doesn't like to, he doesn't like to put it to put plant a flag. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He doesn't like doing this. So I want to make him plant a flag. Oh, here's what I will say.

No, no, no. Hold on. What do you know? What the fuck? Sorry, babe. Something. Yeah. Some stuff. Some stuff. Oh, okay. Good. Good. Good. Good. That's and that's a flag because let me paint this. Let me paint this picture. This is a testament again to Michael's talent where you there was allegations of childhood, you know, the kids and stuff and people be like, look, man, he didn't have a childhood. Just that people would even say that as a defense. Imagine he can't sing or dance and the same, the same facts are there. Yeah. It's just some neighborhood guy that you hear about maybe touching kids. Yeah. Like, look, that guy never had a child. Yeah. Yeah. They'd be like, let's kill him. Yeah, they would be a different hang-up. Yeah,

you're right. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, obviously talent and all that stuff. Yeah, it's, it's really fucked up. Psychological. I don't know. He was kept in a childlike state because everyone did everything for him. That's still no excuse. It's not an excuse. No, I'm not saying that, but it's, for me, it's easy to wrap my head around why someone would then want the company of children because they themselves feel like children. It's fucked up, of course, but then there's a very clear understanding of why that something like that would happen to a guy like him. We understand why it's like, you know, the Uvaldi shooter, you know, he had problems mentally, right? But just it's not okay. And he should go to prison for life. What do they evaluate him? They're like,

he's actually checks out. He was totally fine. He passed all the tests and was totally a normal guy. It's unfortunate what he did, but yeah. But it like caused me, there's no excuse there. Cosmious is like, that just, I don't know what the fuck, man. It's terrible. Is it uncomfortable now? Like everyone's weird right now. What the fuck? You planted a flag, everything's fine. You know what I mean? I planted my flag. Yeah. Did you like Michael grown up? Because he was my entry point to like music and dancing. I loved him, man. There's no way to not. I mean, here's the magical thing about his music is if it's playing in a mall, you'll dance. Yeah. I mean, you're in your walk. You can just see it. You know what I mean?

Like beat it comes out. And I was like, even now, beat it comes out. I'm in the escalator. Oh, and I'll get all fucked. You'll start knife fighting again. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's thriller, I think it's just in terms of a pop album. Oh, yeah. It's so flawless. I mean, it's got three songs on that album that are that if you play it in some tribe in the Amazonia, like people that don't have television or a radio, they would not that beat it. You know what I mean? They would know what it is. That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's certain people like that. Like if you show a photo of Arnold Schwarzenegger in some like, you know, in Mongolia, you know what I mean? Or the jungle where they film Predator. They'd be like, oh, yeah. My dad

worked with him. Yeah. He was a grip. Yeah. They would know that's how that's what Thriller was. Thriller is that kind of album. It just reaches everyone. Yeah. And there will, you think there'll be anything like that ever again? Just everything is so fractured and segmented that because before there was only a few channels and there was a radio so you could have something as bright as Michael. Yeah. Is Harry Styles the closest thing? Yeah. I think Harry Styles, like true, like big, big stars. Yeah. Hardly. Yeah. Harry Styles. No, not even close. But then he's not close to the Beatles. He's not even remotely close to Thriller. I mean, I want to know your thoughts on everybody turning on Justin Timberlake. Oh, here's my theory on Justin Timberlake.

What happened? Tell me what's going on. No, I just think. Tell me what happened. So in short, you know, he's very beloved and saying that a solo thing, everyone's always rallied behind Justin Timberlake. But as of lately, like, I think the general feeling is that, like, we hate this guy. Okay. My theory, I think he took too much time off. He was on top. He was, remember, he was the biggest guy in R&B artists? Like he was the dude. And then he took some time off. And then Bruno Mars came in. And then Bruno Mars kind of dethroned him as the R&B song and dance guy. And then I think he tried to come back with Man of the Woods or something. And it wasn't as big as where he was before he took the time off. And so he's been playing from behind. He had the

Troll soundtrack song or whatever. But that's like one song and it's from Trolls. But I literally do not know a single song. Yes, you do. Cry me a river, babe. Yeah. No, I don't know that song. I swear to God. Rock your body. Rock your body to me. Never heard it. He ruined Janet Jackson's career. I know who he is. If I saw Justin Timberlake at a Starbucks, I'd be like, oh, that's Justin Timberlake. You'd be like, Joey Fatone? Yeah. But I literally don't know. I mean, it doesn't register. It's like, you know, Gene's friend, Adam, who, Maroon 5, you would have to go, oh, that's a Maroon 5 song. And I'd be like, oh, okay, I think I heard that in a mall somewhere, right? But it doesn't register me as something

that's either something that I like. It's like, you know, I was shooting this short film and we were at some guy's warehouse. And this guy downtown, he must have in the 70s just been like, had his own rock club or whatever, because he had like vintage rocks, music. I mean, there's just certain things that I gravitate to. But and even Harry Styles, I know I like him. I think he's a talented guy. But Justin Timberlake or some of these other people, I just, it doesn't register me in my head as good. It's too pop for you. It's too pop. It's not good to me. Yeah. So I don't memorize it or I don't know anything about it. And he's there nowhere near, you know, a thriller or the white album. This is not even close. You'll never,

you know, not only is that fractured, have you noticed this whole planet now, especially this country is so fractured. And there are things happening that it's just, it's just, I honestly think something's going to happen. That's gonna, you don't think like aliens, aliens have to invade for us to rally behind something again. That's independence. That's exactly. Yeah. I mean, like in independence, say what happened? The Israel and the Palestinian or the military, they're like planning together. There was that little cut scene. What if the aliens come and they choose side? Yeah, that's those are that's the juice man. Like we've been following from afar. Finally, we're intervening. It's like Lord of the Rings where the cavalry comes and just

stays there. Yeah. Right. So what's the point? It's interesting. The biggest protests happen in the place where we don't need the support. Like it's a slam dunk here. Like the way it's going to swing. Yeah. You need that in the places that is kind of 50 50. Yeah. Bobby and I got stuck in in the middle of an interesting protest the other day. Can I show it to you for him? Yeah. Yeah. Gilda, I sent it to you. Will you play that? It's on your phone. Sure. Give me a second. Find it. Was that in the group text? It's to you and Stella. Okay. I don't think if you I think if you meet if he if he saw what we saw, he would literally sped up. I don't know. Well, let's not be the judge. Yeah. We have video of it. Once I let me pull it up. Yeah. Here we go.

The duck's always been naked, Joe. What is the cause? I feel like it's less about the cause and more like, let's just get naked. Yeah. This is like against peanut allergies. They just want to get naked. There's audio. There's audio. Bobby's talking about things. This is a very difficult day. Even the most. What is the cause? Your thoughts about this? For a route? Am I a route? Turn it off now, baby. It's the. Yeah. It was after the row. That's their protest. Yeah. Is that the group? We'll do that for anything, though, right? I think there were a group of nudists that like, no, you'll look for any type of moment to protest. They're getting rid of jewels. Get naked. Get naked. 20% off at Foot Locker.

Because they look like professional nudists. Like, I know when someone is getting naked for the first time publicly, you can tell where they're kind of like slouched a little bit. They're like, why am I, but these guys were like pros. They were like, here we are. There was an old man that with a hammer deck. Oh, I know. Good for him. Yeah. It was so big. What do you think of this? What are we talking big? Like, sick, like beer can thick. Yeah, it was beer can thick. Yeah, it was incredible. Like Tall Boy or Tall Boy? Tall Boy? Liquid death camp? Liquid death is big, yeah. Was it more male heavy than female heavy with the force lines? It's old force lines. It always is, right? Yeah. I just, but you know, it's like, I'm a nudist. You know that, right? Yes. What is it

about you that you're not? Upbringing. Like, let's say you and I. You've never mooned anyone before? No. No, no one's ever seen his ass. No one's ever seen his ass. Yeah, bare ass. Oh, so let's say you and I were in Europe, right? We're doing something. We're shooting moving Europe. Okay. And I go, Hey, Fihim, you know, there's a beach, Normandy, Normandy Beach, where they fought the war. Uh huh. Women, women, Sergeant, Private Ryan, an opening scene, but now it's a nudist beach. Yeah, they reenacted naked. Yeah. Yeah. Um, you want to go? Would you go? No. Well, you wouldn't go even everyone's naked. Yeah, I just, that's so weird for me. Like it makes my skin crawl. Okay. Here's what

I'm in a cream spot. No, this is what, this is what needs to happen. Do you want to, um, strengthen our friendship? Yeah. Do you? Sure. Okay. The only way, because I'm going to say this, Ian Edwards, a bunch of people, Santino, everyone, they've all gone to spas with me, right? Would you go to a Korean spot with me? It's, it's co-ed. My heart. No, we're going to, now we're going to, we're not going to go to the ghetto one that I like to go to. We're going to go to Weespot, which is like, Oh, I used to live by there. You never been there. I was right. No, I don't hear about it. Right. Paulie goes all the time too, right? He goes to the, my shitty one. That's my favorite one. But would you go to Weespot with me? Maybe. Can I think about it? No, it is one of

those things. But what, what, what is it? What, okay. What's the worst thing that can happen? Play out the scenario right now. What it is. I just don't like being naked in front of other people. Okay. You have to respect that. I respect it. I respect it. Right. But it's also, it's like one of those things. It's like, if you're at a restaurant and you're not allergic to a food, but you don't want to eat it because I just, that's not my thing. I mean, you got to try it. It sounds dumb, but it's like jumping off a cliff for me. Yeah. No, that's, that's a really weird thing. Like I feel the same way oftentimes. Like even for you going to the spot and being naked is a very comfortable thing. I go to Weespot and I'm not comfortable with full nudity. Can you

believe that? You can't believe it. Yes. I'm not comfortable. But you do it. I do it, but I walk around with my boobs like this and a little towel underneath and I'm not as comfortable as the other ladies. Yeah, but can I just, I want to know why though. What is the fundamental reason because it's like, it feels like a secret for like, it feels private and, and then your dick is a secret. A little bit. Yeah. It's a secret. No, that's kind of cool. That's cool. It's a mystery. Yeah. It's like, you know, the riddler down there. I like having a piece that nobody knows. Oh, we know. I don't mean in the regard, but like, no, we know though. Sure. You're not into like sunning your genitals. No. Right. So if we went to Weespot and we got, you would, so they, I go to the steam room

and there are white dudes there that wear just shorts. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah. So you can do that there, right? Is that what you do? Yeah, maybe. Would you be uncomfortable if I was naked? I would get over it like, because that's your choice. I shouldn't be. Right. It'd be something different, you know? What do you mean? What do you mean? Different from me. Different from me. I'm around a lot of naked dudes, you know? Right. There's a lot of naked dudes there. Yeah. That's kind of the jam. Jam. Yeah. But like, you know, but it's not sexual in nature. I know. Right. Right. Yeah. It's interesting. Is there, is it, is it something that we can like, can you get over it eventually? You think in life? Like I show one ball just eventually.

Yeah. Over time. It's like a 90s photo loading. Just one ball, then two balls. The shaft. And then the shaft. Yeah. What I'm saying, yeah. And then over time. I'll never touch it, and I won't even look at it. I will never, I'll go, you know what it's like. That's a lie. Yo, it's almost like some weird comedy kid experiment. You always look at it. Yeah. Even if you're not looking at it, your peripheral vision is like, try to figure out what I'm looking at here. Would I look at yours? Bro, we walk, we, okay, we went to, we spot went, I don't think the comic Andrew Lopez, we took him out for the first time. And, uh, I was like, everyone get naked. We're going to we spa. I'm like, hey, cool. He's like,

relax. Wait, hang on. Everyone get naked. We're going to we spa. You come out of the car, just butt naked. Like, here's my car. Like Bobby's a regular. He's like, we're getting naked. Get over it. Look, I won't even look at you guys. We are like, cool. We get into the first thing he does is like, start commenting on our dick. You're like the Don Rickles of dick. Over it. Why are you shaving your fucking butt? No, no, it's not, it's not ripping, right? He's just commenting. It's just commenting because it's like, because it's not something that I see often. It's a rare thing. It gives me that opportunity to just, to just to give my opinion and my point of view. You're being so innocent here. I'm giving my Seinfeldian observation over your penises.

Yeah. Yeah. There's no malice. Yeah. So I go nice head or I'll say like, he'll compliment or yeah, I'll, it's all compliment. I'm not ripping it apart. All right. So I'm curious. What are some nice features of a penis that you would like give a compliment to? Like what? What's your type? Yeah. What's your type of penis? I don't have, I'll be honest with you. I didn't like yours. I don't use that. Yeah. I did not like your cut or not cut. No, no. Oh, I'm uncut. Yeah. He's uncut. So I don't like anything about yours. Right. He also doesn't like that. I don't shave. Yeah. So for me, it was just like, instead of focusing on the things that I think are disgusting, which is a lot, right? Um, as a penis, even like, um, I just try to be more, um, positive.

So I was just like, maybe like, oh, that's right. Yeah. Maybe you should, maybe you should try trimming. You know what I mean? Trying to get him there on it. Yeah. Trying to get to that. Yeah. Maybe you could trim. I'm like, yeah, scissors. They're pretty cheap these days. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're sponsored by some of the hair and the day. So, you know, maybe you could use their products, right? Yeah. You completely shave? I do. Yeah. Um, with like a bick or just no, he doesn't make it. Okay. It's just a trimmer. No, I do it. No, I go to last night. I went to after before I had that little break between shooting and shooting something. And I went to the Korean spa, the one on six, three.

Oh, and they have these. You start speaking in tongue. Yeah. And I, and I got, they're just shitty dry razors. I take, you know what I mean? I go to the steam room and I take, um, they have, um, shaving, um, cream. And I just, and I just shave when I sit down. Yeah. But you have like rhino hide for skin. You wouldn't forget in groans, huh? Yeah. Because if I were to just pick it. Oh my God. Like the regrowth on that would be so painful. Really? Oh, yeah. That's why I don't shave. Like a lot of girls don't shave. It's because we have, it's just the, when it starts to grow back, you get ingrowns, the bumps, it looks like a fucking, you can't tell if it's like a fucking herpes. Is yours curly or? Okay. No, my pubes are straight. Not that straight.

They're not? No, no, no. Okay. No one's pubes are very straight unless you're straight. What's yours curly, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let me ask you something. I don't want to want to see it, but do you look at your own penis in the mirror? I'm going to take a shower. You kind of have to. Yeah. But do you, do you, are you shamed? Is there shame involved or? No, when I'm by me, it's like part of me. Right. You're used to it, right? I don't look at it. I'm like. Oh, you don't do that. Yeah. Not like terrifying my girl. You again conjuring up these thoughts. Like I have underwear on just all the time. Right. No. All right. So let's just try to do it one night. So what is your type? A penis? Yeah. Cut. Yeah. What are good features? What are the ideal penis? I mean,

there are ones that are magnificent. You know what I mean? And there are like. Is that a size thing? Or is that a look? It's just in terms of like, um, like Paulie Shor's one is, I've talked about it very big, but I don't like anything about it. I don't like the color. I don't like the way it rotates. Sorry. I like the way it rotates. What direction does it rotate? It just kind of, you know what I mean? Is it like upside down? It's like Magic Mountain Ride. You know what I mean? It's got an invert. Yeah. Like, oh, that's a new one. That looks interesting. You know what I mean? Like it doesn't, you know what I mean? Like you don't know how, you know, when you see like X2 at Magic Mountain, you go, how does that work? Like, what does that kind of do feel like? It's

like you don't know. You ask. There's more questions than answers. More questions than answers. Yeah. Right? There's more questions than answers, right? Are you more thrilled by girth or length? Or color? I think I like, you know, I saw Black Man at We Spa a month ago and I literally went, oh, that's like the best one I've ever seen. You tell him? No. He'll say right now. But it was like a wreck but not. Like the size of it was like a wreck but not, right? Oh, it was laying low, but a wreck. Shower. Yeah. Right. It was perfectly straight. There was no like, like the guy doesn't jerk off. Not I. What? Not yours. No. He doesn't have a dominant hand. He's ambidextrous. He's double handed, I think. I mean, so he can use his bow. Alternate stroking. Alternate stroking, right?

Or I probably one night, Thursday is right. The Friday is left. You know, I don't know how he does it. Just the even. His system, right? The color was once black, right? But one solid black whereas like my tricolor, you know, we talked about it a million times, right? And he was also a handsome guy. So the face affects how you feel about the penis? She's trying to make you. Yeah. Oh, okay. Because if he looked like, I would just want to be nice about it, but if he looked like Jeff Ross, right? A black Jeff Ross, it would affect the way. The scoring system. The scoring system. Yeah. So there's you have a technical difficulty then. Like, you know, when you judge an Olympic dive, say for instance, judging the fetuses, like there is there is a criteria for

how you judge to dive before they even dive, right? Yeah. And I try not to have the handicap is the is what they look like. And I try as a judge, I'm trying not to use that, but it's just subconscious. It's like when I see a Korean dude, there are times where I want to give him extra points because of the race, the race and stuff, right? But I have to kind of detach myself from the race. I just picture you at Weespa and then walking over and putting a blue ribbon on the tip. Like you are best in show or across the room at 9.7. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, it's interesting. This also depends on how I feel that day. You know, like sometimes if I'm in a bad mood, scores will be lower. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It affects if I, you know, you're like, you can be like a grumpy

judge. Yeah. If I, if I got a call saying your deal went through, you just got this, I'll go to Weespa and everyone gets nine. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, so we're going to go soon. What? Yeah. We'll talk. We'll talk. We're doing it. I promise you. I promise you we're doing it. Okay. Okay. Okay. Good. Or sweet in the pot. What else could you throw in there? Like a meal before? Oh, that's obvious. Right. So he always, him, glassman sometimes, but Eric Griffin, they're always like, you want to eat? Yeah. Craig Condon's like that too. Yeah. You're my eat buddy. Yeah. Whenever you're at the store, right? You always ask. Yeah. And we always sometimes do it. But I'm going to squeeze in a wee too. Yeah. Yeah. I go,

yeah, but let's compromise. I'll go where you, because you're also very picky. You too though. No, I'm not. I'm always like, let's go get, what was the newest thing? A hamburger and you're like, no. You wanted to go to Carnies. And sometimes that's a gut bomb. Like you have to be in the mood for gut bombs, chili fries and a burger and all that. Right. Right. Right. The Korean place you took me to was great. Did you really like it? It was awesome. Sunungdan. Oh, western. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're like, you're already famous, but there you're like extra famous. Thank you. Yeah. You're like Bradley Cooper in there. Appreciate it. What you want to promote that we're going to do on helpful advice, but what's your promoting the special? I did the stand-up special

at the comedy store called hat trick. How's it going? Pretty good. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Great response. Yeah, man. I was overwhelmed because like YouTube can be kind of, you know, that's the thing when you do a special like on Netflix or something you don't know, but you have the comment section on YouTube. Right. So that's like throwing yourself to the wolves. And it's been really like great. The outpouring and people are like Venmoing money and stuff. And that's so cool. That's awesome. Well, you're one of the best comics in the country. I really believe that. That's nice. So that's your YouTube. So that's what I'm saying, George. See how are you verified? Yeah. On YouTube? Yeah. How come I can't be? You can. But how come I'm not, George?

Just have one of the people or your rep. I want to do a channel like this. Wait, you haven't posted anything in like years. I know. I don't know the codes or any of the passwords or nothing. You don't even code. We'll do it later. But anyway, so the it's doing going well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you make money through the views. No, it's not even a money play, man. I know. Like I just wanted people to be able to see it. I wanted the least amount of friction between the special and people getting to it because my first one was on CISO and nobody knows what the fuck CISO is. Yeah. And no one really got to see it even though that one's on YouTube now because Comedy Central licensed it. But I didn't want it to be, I didn't

want to sell it to like a 2B or something and I make a little bit of money, but no one ever sees it. Like I do fine financially. Yeah. I just wanted people to be able to access it super easy. You know, it really, I just have to say this, this is my point of view, but I really believe it. Um, you know, there are certain gatekeepers in terms of comedy, right? And I don't want to name companies, right? But to me, and I really believe this is you're a no brainer and there are certain like streaming companies that will checkmark this person, this person, this person and I literally go not even remotely on the same level as Fihim Anwar. I mean, you're the type of guy that performs and Bill Byrd and Mark Merritt and people will come in and watch and go, wow, that was a great

bit. Or I've seen it, right? You know, people leave during mine, right? But you, people, like a moth threw a flame to it. I mean, they're there. I mean, you're so highly respected. And it's like, it really makes me angry that you didn't get like an HBO or a Netflix big deal. You know what I mean? It's like, are you out of your mind? Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I've been everywhere. New York, LA. I know everybody. I watch. I know the vibes. I know something. It's like, what the fuck? How is this happening? It makes me so angry. It's like, who the fuck do you think you are? Right? The suits. Yeah. I'm just honestly, I'm fucking tired of it. It's like, you know, you're fucking mine. The people that they put on there are people that

aren't even fucking funny at all. People that can't even survive in any environment. Any environment. Yeah. Anyway, I mean, that is nice. I mean, I appreciate it. I'm sorry. I just like, you know what I mean? You can only do so much though, you know, like, at the end of the day, I get up, I'm past the store, I'm past the improv. I get to go up everywhere and do stand up. I'm like, I have that outlet artistically and everything and you have no control over whatever the taste of the month is at Netflix or HBO. There should be no taste of the month. Sure. The best people should get it. But at least YouTube is opening it up. It's more democratic now. That's what I like and yeah. So people can vote with their views and their clicks. There isn't this throttling of

or choosing who the certain, like I'm not brown in the way they want me to be brown. I'm just funny first and Afghan is like so down the line of what I talk about. Not me. Well, number one. No, I love that. Yeah. No, I'm Afghan. Anyway, cool. I'm sorry. I vented because it's just, I appreciate it because you took me on the road and stuff. So you've seen me. You've seen the journey. Not just you. Here's what I have. Okay. I can look at you. I look at the crowd response, right? I look at the amount of spots you get and I look at other people, very open. I want to laugh and I go, not even in the same dimension as Fihman war. And yet they get it, right? They get the stuff and I just don't understand why. So anyway,

I'd hope advice with Faheem. Hey guys, my name is Gabe. I'm 26 years old and I live in Tucson, Arizona. I have a real problem. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it due to how personal it is to my girlfriend, but I can't hold it anymore. For the past year, my girlfriend's down below has smelled worse than anything I've ever smelled before. BB. BB. It's turned me off to the point where we haven't had sex. It will talk. Okay. The point where it happened. It turned me off to the point where we haven't had sex in months. The other day her dog was kissing me and his breath smelled exactly the same like her cooter. I'm scared to say anything because I don't want to compare her to my dog's breath, but they really do smell exactly the same. She's pregnant

with my child, but she's doing what we are all thinking. What do I do? Maybe the baby smells. Help me out. How do I approach this situation? Do you think the dog was cheating with the girlfriend? That's why the mouth smelled like you've been cheating with the dog. Yeah. Yeah. Why is this breath smell like your cooter? Yeah. And why is there peanut butter in your cooter? Yeah. Anyway, how does one bring up something very sensitive? How do you, how would you, okay, let's say, um, I, my big nose is not working and I happen to miss the, you know, disastrous scent that's emanating from my pussy. You don't know my idea. My pussy is pristine and you know that. I would be, I would tell you, but actually do it. Your pussy stinks. That's how you would

say it. Your pussy stinks. I would, I would do like a ransom note, just cut out different letters from a magazine and then slide it under the door and be like, I don't know how they know. That's crazy. I guess this like ransom person thinks you have a smelly pussy. I'm trying to think of one of those glyphs like the riddler did with the glyphs. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the code you have to crack? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Code you have to crack. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And this is, is it like it says six months pussy stinks. Oh, right. It's like, so now it's like, you know what I mean? I figured it out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah. I guess it's not something he should figure out, but how do you tell your part? Like

if you had to tell Bobby, is there a, I've had to tell him like, did you wipe back to front because your dick smells like shit? Yeah. You go just straight. Straight. Yeah. But I, that's cause I know it's, I can tell it's a hygiene thing in that moment. I'm like, okay, there was some mechanical issue in the bathroom where I think he had a freaking lapse in judgment and he wiped the wrong direction. So I have told him before, like, Hey, can you like, like shower up real quick? And then he doesn't take it personally. It's fine. Um, it depends how long they've been together, but it seems like they're having a child. I would be like, Hey, um, your pH seems like it's a little bit off. Like what's going on? I, I would just be honest. There's no way to do it. I'm sorry.

Like you're, you obviously are feeling certain to feel disgusted, but there's a solution to that. Is he eating her out while she's pregnant? Can you do that? You could totally do that. I wouldn't do that. Would you do that? I wouldn't do that. Why not? What if the pussy blinked? You see an eyeball? Yeah. Yeah. I was just watching you the whole time. No, it's just your, you know what I mean? Hey dad. Hey dad. Yeah. I just couldn't do it. Anyway. Um, so yeah, I think there's no really right way other than just saying like, Hey, something seems a little off down there. Like you feeling okay? That's how I would say it. If you approach it gently and how would you do it? How would you do it? Do it in an engineer way. And I'm her faheem. What's your name again?

You want to have sex? Yeah. Yeah. I totally do. And I, you know, I love it. Just, um, I don't know if you've noticed or just something that I've noticed. Like it's, uh, it's already, I don't know. It smells a little off. Like, I don't know. What do you mean? Like, what is it smelling? Just different than it normally does. I'm just wondering. It might be a medical thing or whatever. Like, uh, I just, I just want to be honest with you. I haven't noticed anything myself. Well, it's hard to smell your own cooter. I don't smell anything. Yeah. I do though. Like you have allergies and stuff. You take a suit of it or something. You might smell what I'm smelling. Well, can you do a sniff test right now? I, I'm smelling it. It's like a cartoon with the pies on the windowsill. Yeah.

That's the, I think that right there. That's the way. It's funny, right? It's kind of cute the way you're doing it. But I think generally that's what the conversations will be like. Yeah. A lot more reassurance, I think, just be like, babe, you know, I think you're really hot and whatnot. Like I really want to have sex with you. It seems like something's a little off. But if you're sad already, I would probably backtrack. So let me try it. Okay. Hang on. Be real sad. So sweetie, I'm just having a really bad day. No, no, no, you, well, you don't know about the meat. Then it's fine. No, get set. No, I'm sad already. And then you're about to tell me, we're just having a really hard day. But the point of the point, the bit, bit is, is that

I have to do the, I have to do the, you know what I mean? Okay. Yeah. So you have to be happy. And then, okay, go ahead. I think it's the, I think the bit's not going to work now. All right, go ahead. Because we did a rehearsal, you know, I cannot do it. That's right. I feel like it's going to bomb though. It's going to bomb. It's going to bomb. I feel like I'm a director right now. It's like a chemistry test. And I'm looking at you. Bobby, thanks for coming in. I just love what you guys do on the pod. Yeah, but her choice, right. You know, because I had choice. Here we go. I have it. You guys are in it. Here we go.

So I just got back from the ultrasound and our baby girl is really healthy and she's kicking really hard. And babe, I'm feeling super horny right now. The bit's already fucked up. No, I'm feeling super horny. Don't forget the baby either. What kind of bit? What is your bit set up? You do the worst improv partner. Don't mention the baby this time. My intention is this, right? So just go right. Just basically like, hey, you want to, that, that, right?

I can't do it. I can't do the bit. It's not going to fucking work. No, you have to try. You have to try. I want to see the bit. Okay, here we go. I want to see it. But I know, but I know what I do it. I know when I do it, it's not going to work. And I can't, I can't live through the fucking silence of pain. Okay, here we go. I don't need it right now. I'll give you a lot. I'll try. All right. Somebody say action and action. Babe. Yeah.

I'm feeling really horny right now. Yeah, I wanted to mention to you that, you know, I've had some concerns. Oh, yeah, yeah. The last time I went down, it's not the last of the last 20 times I've been down there. Your vaginal area, right? It smells really bad. Like, what does it smell like? It smells like an Okinawa fish market. I don't know how to, like, What the fuck? Are you fucking kidding me? You're supposed to cry now.

My pussy smells like fish to you. Are you crying now? Yeah, I'm crying. There's tears in my eyes. It didn't seem, it seems angry. It's okay. Be more sad. Let's do it again. Let's start from the top. Yeah, let it crush you. Yeah, okay. Let it crush you.

Let it crush you. Okay, say it's my Okinawa fish market. No, no, no. We have stuff from the beginning because I cannot start. Back to one. I said back to one. Your pussy stinks. Excuse me. I know that you have the camera set up as a wide, right? But for me, we have to start from the beginning of the scene. Okay.

Okay. Is that cool? Sure. It's for me. Do you want us to punch in? You know, I just want to say for me to react is again, anyway, okay. And go ahead. Action. Hey, babe.

Yeah. Do you want to maybe chuck chuck a little bit? Yeah, yeah. I meant to mention, like, you know, for the last couple of times, last 20 times, when I've been down there and it's your vaginal area, it smells. What? Yeah, it smells like a... What do you mean? I'm kidding.

That's what the bit. All that set up. All that stop. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying. I see what you were saying. See what I'm saying? That was the build up.

It was eight minutes peeled up to that piece of shit. That's like the aristocrat. Yeah, I know. I said, that's what I'm saying. The whole time was like, I should have, we should have cut the whole thing out, but I'm just, that was the build up. So, and so I needed that turn, but you like, you fucked it up a couple of times, but that's okay.

You just have too many rules. Yeah, for that scenario, it was a lot, but I'm just saying, I'm sorry about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, yeah guys. Anyway, so congratulations on the YouTube show. This person that you have to be, you have to be upfront and honest, right? And gentle, but honest. And honest.

And I thought you killed it today. Oh, thanks. Yeah, we loved you. Love you guys. Thanks for all the opportunities you gave me coming up and shit and being able to plug the special on this means a lot. Of course, we did with Bad Friends as well. Because we love you and we know where what you are.

We know what you are. Thanks, thanks. God bless you. God bless you. And God, Allah bless you. Hey, thank you. Yeah, Allah bless you. Thank you.

What, that's your thing, right? Oh, I like it. Yeah, yeah, Allah bless you. And thank you. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Barely Ad Free on Amazon Music. Download the Amazon Music app today. Or you can listen to Ad Free with Wondry Plus in Apple Podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself

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