TigerBelly - Ep 371: Nikki Glaser, Never Date A Comic

Episode Date: October 26, 2022

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You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Did you see Barbarian yet? No. It just came out. I'm going to watch it. I finished Severance. Love it. Wait, save it.

Save it. I finished Severance. What a great show. I finished Severance. You love it? It's a great show. Honestly? Yeah.

Honestly? Yeah. No better finale of any show I've ever watched. Agreed. Agreed. I mean, I couldn't believe they stopped at nine episodes. I was pissed. I got pissed, too.

And here's the deal. They haven't even started shooting the next season. You're kidding. No. So it's going to be a two-year wait. It's going to be, it went away forever for it. What a fucking amazing show. What it's an amazing show.

The music, everything. That black guy is so good. I'm trying to find his name. What's his name, that guy? What was his name? When he was dancing during the show. What was his name on the show? Not Virgil.

Virgil is John Turturro. Virgil. That's not Virgil. Dylan. No, the black guy with the mustache. He's great. Oh, no. Irv is John Turturro.

Miss... No, it's not Miss Casey. Miss Casey is the redhead. Harmony, no. Burt. Is it Burt? No. Milchick.

Milchick. His actor's name is Tramel Tillman. Tramel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What a great fucking show.

I mean... Severance. I know. Well, we can't talk about it. We cannot. But we highly recommend it. Watch Severance on... Give him the premise.

The premise of it at least. No, you can't give him the premise. No, you cannot. Because no one told me anything about it. Yeah. So when I discovered the premise in the first episode, I was like, oh, I'm in. Yeah. I'm fucking in.

Yeah. But don't you just think like, man, what if we came into this room and the premise happened? We just don't know. Okay. Well, I guess we can talk about the premise. That's crazy. Think about it.

You walk in this premise. The premise is the first five minutes of the first one. What do you mean? You can always talk about episode one up until... Wait. The trailer has the premise. Yeah. I understand that.

But the thing... That would make no sense here because I would walk out that door and then Kalyla would be there. And then I'd be like, didn't you just come out of that room? And then she'd be like, yeah. Just space it out, though. You and I would? Yeah.

Question. Before they space out their departure. Okay. The premise is, before we go into this any further... I'm not doing it. It doesn't make any sense. There's no way. The premise is...

I would figure it out. You... Oh, shit. I'll tell the premise. Okay. Oh, my God, dude. Let me tell the premise. Oh, my God.

Right? So, basically, the show opens with a woman and she's wearing a business suit. She's laying on top of a table, right? And there's a little monitor there that says, what's your name? She doesn't know her name. Who are you? She doesn't know who she is. She answers one of the questions, right?

I forgot what it was. Delaware. Delaware. Essentially, what it is, is, you know, it's imagine a corporation, right? And there's a department, you know what I mean, that, you know, there's so many dark secrets and things they don't want people to know about. So they created this thing called severance, where the people that work down in that department gets a surgery where once they get down to that level, they forget who they are on top

of, on real life. And when they're down there, they just, you know, they know who they are down there, but they have two identities, essentially. Correct. Right. And so they have the premise. Did I say that right or not? Yes.

They have an inny and an outy. The inny is who they are inside that workplace and an outy is who they are outside of that workplace, but they don't have recollections of either life. That's right. So for instance, like if you're in an inny working in that basement, it seems like you're working one continuous, like... Here's the thing. I think they come into work at different times because if you kept running into people, right?

So I'm sure there's different elevators and different ways they get in or whatever, but so that's why I don't think it would work here at Tiger Valley, because there's only one way to get in here, right? And also the two people that currently live together upstairs, it just wouldn't work. But there is a world where you guys, previously as a couple, were together, but then you come in here, break up on the podcast of something, come back out and still think you're a couple. Oh my God. That could happen, but also think of this.

I like that. But also... I don't. I think of this though, right? There's a world where you're out there. But imagine this. And we fucking fear you don't know that. If we come down here and this changes and we only know what we talk about, nothing.

Because everything that we know is from the outside world. Yeah, it's white. So we were like, oh, wow, let's talk about this room for a while. You know what I mean? And what we're like in this room for a while. And then... Let's say episode one, we walked in and there's a militia just standing here. Maybe it's just al-magical, but you don't know it's al-magical.

And he's just standing. Oh, so I walk... The militia is the black guy. The black dude. He's the guy that explains everything. It's al-magical. But we don't know it's al-magical. Bill Burr.

It's better. Okay. It's Bill Burr physically, but his name is like Terence. Terence Burr. That ball. Terence Ball. Terence Ball is his name, right? You walk?

I walk it. I don't know who I am. That door's locked. That door's locked. Yeah. Right? I don't know who I am. So you be the guy in the...

Terence Ball? Well, whoever that's... I don't know who Terence Ball is yet. Hello? I can't get through that door. Where am I? Well... Are you through?

No, I'm already in here. I woke up in here. He's trying to get out, Guild. Oh. Welcome. Welcome to what? What? What?

Who are you? This is the Kyberian network. Kyberian network? Okay. Kyberian network. You see all things comedy, man. Why would I... No.

This is the Kyberian network. All right. All right. All right. What am I doing in here? Why is there microphones and a camera and stuff? Oh, we're doing a podcast. I know what that is.

You do? Well, you would know what that is. You wouldn't know that you had one. So, yeah, I know what that is. Oh, so I'm a podcaster? Yeah. Cool. What's my name?

By the way, your name is... What is my name? Carrie. I'm Carrie. Bradshaw? Melligan. Oh, that was Carrie Bradshaw. From Sex and the City.

Carrie Bradshaw. Who's the door? The door just opened. The door just opened. The door just knocked. Oh, God, that was stolen. Is she here? She might be here.

Should I check? George, should you check? Her Uber isn't here yet. Okay, okay. Anyway, she took an Uber. We got it? Yeah. By the way, just so you know, this is a political podcast.

Oh, cool. And I would like to give you a list of topics that you will be discussing once a week when you're in here. So, I come in here once a week and I do a podcast about politics. Yeah. I really don't know much about it. I think. You do here?

I do. I mean, I do. Oh, by the way. Who is this? Oh, I am. She's been here for already three months. Three months. Narlene.

Narlene. Her name is Narlene Narwhal. Hi, Narlene. Hi. So, Narlene, you do this podcast with me, this political podcast? I will be starting tomorrow. So, what were you doing before when I was like not here for the last three months? You're a new employee.

But you were here in this fucking room as Narlene. What did you do before I got here? Well, PD, my ex-co-host must have been terminated. All right. So, there was a guy named PD that had a podcast. Oh, yes. That's the actual guy. Jesus, cool.

That's fine. So, there was a guy named PD. Yeah. All right. I think people are so confused. It doesn't matter. I don't care. Let's keep going.

We're going. We're going. All right. It's happening. All right. Okay. Love her soon. Oh, that's fuckboy Johnny.

Fuckboy Johnny. But it is his birthday. Whose? Fuckboy Johnny's birthday. Oh, happy birthday, fuckboy. Thank you. Thank you. Should we start a slow jazz party?

We should give him the dance party for his birthday. Well, everyone. All right. People have to watch this. This is way too fucking exciting. This is so mad. It's so fucking exciting. Can you be Mila Chick, please?

All right. It's waffle party. Anyway, watch the fucking show. It's really good. It's a waffle party. Yeah. Should I? Happy birthday, George.

Is it your birthday? Really? Yeah. Actually today. Today. Yeah. Happy birthday, George. I got you something.

I know that. I think you said it was my birthday that we didn't do it. What do you mean? Well, I got you your present. I was going to come bring it down on Friday, but. And then what's that? Why are they having that? Well, I got George.

Why did they have that? What is that? I got George a pinata of your face. Yeah. You can unleash some pent up aggression towards the pinata. Can I say this for real? I love that. I know you don't want to break it.

I don't want to break it as a backdrop. We got to keep that. So you're not going to break that. Wait a second. That's so fucking dope. That's so good. That's so good. It's by her handle on Instagram is illustration diaries.

Her name is Wendy Plata Acevedo. Yeah, Wendy. We're not breaking that. Do not break that. I'm being real. Sweetie, I got this for him. I know, but you can't break. It's a beautiful.

It's a beautiful pinata. Very good. We got to keep that. Should we never like hit the pinata then? No, we never hit the pinata. We just keep it there. I'm sorry, George. I'm sorry, George.

My rage just boil up just to. Is there stuff? I'm just pushing it back down. I know. But is there stuff in there? Yes. What? Why don't you drill a hole in the bottom and grab all the

fucking candy from it? George, unhappy birthday to you. Happy birthday. We'll get you a second one. Is that for George too? The red one? No, no. That one's Calyla's.

Calyla's to who? You forgot to do. There's so many birthdays. September 17th. Yeah. And you got it for me. I got that about two to three weeks ago, Calyla. Just so you know.

My birthday is next week. The guest is Dodgers. Well, George, would you like to just pose really quick with your birthday for the camera? Just hold on, you man. 40 fucking three. Oh my God. It's not good.

40. You look good though, George boy. Look great. I mean, oh, this is great. What is it? Oh, this is a real thing here. I want to know which one's more expensive. Mine are yours.

Is that who to who? That's for George. No, that's to both of you. We'll get Nicky. I'll get Nicky. I mean, hold on. Open the gift first. Tell the camera.

Oh, it's knives. Thank you. Let me get Nicky. It's the only. Right. I think I'm never going to use them, but thank you. Can I have them? She really wants them.

You live far? I don't. Yeah. St. Louis. Is that where you live? Yeah. Everyone comes to her for podcasts. I've noticed that.

Really? People have flown out. Jason Nash did. I think he's the one. He's the only one. Yeah. Wait, wait, wait. I live in St. Louis.

Missouri? Yeah. I'm just out here. What other St. Louis? Is that why I don't see you ever? Yeah. Why? You live with your parents?

You thought I was just, like, leaning into self-care or something? I know. But let me ask you, though. I would never. I would never. This is very interesting. Get whatever beverage you want. You can have all of it if you want.

Room temp, just like I was thinking. Yeah. Why don't you chill them for a while? The Red Bull is chilled. Oh, okay. The water is. Yeah, but she wants to sleep tonight. I might do a sip of this.

Yeah, a little sip of room. Okay, good. Is the old milk chilled, George? Oh, is this? Oh, look. This is a great lock alone. I just felt like you would put it between your legs before you put it. Just sat with it for a while.

But I like it that way. It's great. I mean, do you live with St. Louis because you have a boy? You're seeing somebody there? Or because your parents live there? Well, I went there for the pandemic because I was out here with them. I was in New York. And then when everything went down, I was here doing Conan.

And I flew my parents out to, like, hang out with me for that because they're just huge Conan fans. And then the world shut down and I was, like, scared to go back to New York. And I was just like, I'll just go to St. Louis to be with my parents. I'm already with them. We're already, like, infected if we're together. And then it just turned into 10 months of being there. And I lived in my childhood bedroom.

Oh. I know. Is that a pity or a sweet? No, I would. It was sweet. I would love that. It was awesome. Because is it the same as you were in school?

Yeah. I mean, I went right back to being, you know, a brat. Yeah. Yeah. Just screaming at my parents and slamming doors and sleeping till two. And I didn't want to leave. It was so good. And you usually only go back to live with your parents if they're, like, sick or something.

Something bad happens. So it was nice that they're both healthy and, you know, and it was, you know, it was, like, so weird to take a break from stand-up. Like, what do you do with yourself? I didn't. What did you do? I stayed in this house for years. Yeah.

For years. We had just moved into this house before the pandemic. Yeah. And then we were here for a year and a half. But what did you do with your, like, nights? I played video games all night long to 15 hours a day. I would jerk off to weird porn. Yeah.

I mean, and it was just, like, very lonely and sad. But no, it was good to see you. It was good to see you. It was good to see you. That's, like, a run-in at Trader Joe's. It was good to see you. Good to see you. It was good to see you here at the fucking...

Also the kitchen? Frozen food aisle. For two years. It was good to see you. I remember just constantly having to order things from Chicago. Like, foods from Chicago. Because that's what you wanted. For me.

Deep dish. And I remember cooking every night. Yeah. And after six months, I was like, I quit. Yeah. I'm tired. And then postmates. And then postmates.

Then postmates. But what a... I haven't even thought about that year and a half. What a weird... It was, like, a while ago now. Yeah. But it was fun at first. At first it was.

You didn't know what was going on? Yeah. Because it just... The only time I feel like we allow ourselves to take a break, I think everyone in this room is probably a workaholic on some level. And the only way would be a forced way. It's like the way I feel about being tied up in bed. Because I'm like, I like it because it's forced laziness.

I can't relax and take a break and not think about other people or... Right. Unless someone forces me to. And I felt like COVID was like... I didn't... You know, if you get sick, you still go online and you see other people are doing stand-up and they're going to be better than you. And they're working hard and you compare yourself.

And you're like, oh, I wish I could get out there. But when the whole world is sick, you're just like, no one's getting better. That was... Yeah. That's motivation for you to not do anything. Yeah. Do you get tied up in bed? What do you mean?

I don't know why she even said that. I just mean like... No, I mean, I'm asking that. No, when you said that, I got panicky almost. No, I don't like that. You wouldn't ever agree to being tied up? No. I got tied up once.

Oh, tell me about it. For real, though. Wait, what? So I opened for Pauly. It's always tied to that. That's how I got into it, too. And this is a fucking terrible story. In fact, I've never shared it before.

Oh, good. It's a fucking terrible story. So I met Pauly and Pauly goes, dude, open for me in Vegas. And I only had like three minutes. I had just started doing stand-up. And I couldn't get laid. That was an incel. Right?

So I couldn't fuck. Nobody wanted to fuck me. Wait. Even prostitutes. Oh, not the incel, like the kind we know that... No, those kind. That kind. Yes.

She took up a school. Yeah, that kind. Okay. Yeah. I had drawings and plans. Yeah, yeah. I was angry. Okay.

You know, because I just thought I just, there's no way I can't get it. Yeah. You know, I've asked girls out and they, nothing. Anyway. Were you a virgin? Or just you just couldn't... I wasn't a virgin. No, but like, you know, I was like, trust me, I couldn't get normal women.

Even with stand-up, was it not going well? No, that's when... Okay. So, yeah, well, Pauly met me when right before I could get it. Got it. Right? And so... He saw your potential.

Yeah, he saw my potential. Bro, you're not an insult. You're a male or whatever. I was like, I think I am. You know what I mean? That was that kind of conversation. So anyway, so we, I opened for them in Vegas and I'm, so all the La Jolla comedy store waitresses put all their stuff in my room.

Why? Because they are like, Bobby's open. Yeah. Because all the La Jolla comedy store waitresses were like, let's go to Vegas to support Bobby. Oh. Right? Yeah. So they, like three of them or four of them drove up there and they didn't have

a room. So they're all staying in my room. Right? But I kept telling them like, this is my opportunity to get laid. Right? And they're like, you're not going to get laid. You have all these women staying in your room supporting you going to Vegas to support you.

Yeah, yeah. None of them wanted to fuck you. Oh, no, no, no, no. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. There's no way. But they had all my shit in my room and they're all partying and stuff.

Right? So I mean, obviously they have some things, but like their boots are anyway, watch this story. So after the show, Paulie show, I meet these other two girls and they were at the show and they're like, we think you're funny. And I go, this is my opportunity to two, right? And then they go, they brought, eventually we went to my room and they go, can we tie you up?

Oh, yes. They asked. Yeah. Yeah. And I go, uh-huh. So they tied me up with a belt, a towel, a bunch of different things. The waitresses' bags, they were just going through, looking for scarves. They stole.

Wait, did they tie you to the bed? Yeah. And your legs. And they stole some of the waitresses' stuff and they ran out of the room and then by the time I got free, no, yeah, I would have just stayed stuck so they know, hey, I didn't do anything. Oh, that is a good point. It looks like, you know, you don't send the panic that I felt.

It was like, how, how quickly did you know from, like, did it turn from sexy to a little alarm of, like, I'm not getting laid? No, there was no sexy. I mean, they tied me up and they would just rummage and then they just ran out. Oh, was it aggressive? Yeah, very aggressive. Was there any making out before you? No, not nothing.

Why did you agree to being tied up? Because I don't know what tied up, I think, because when you're an in-sell, right, and a girl goes, let me tie you up, you don't know the rules. Please do. What? Like, there was no manual. There was no internet back then. There was a scam that these girls run.

Yeah. They knew. I wanted to Google, if I could Google, like, you know what I mean, what are the procedures of tied up, meeting a stranger. Maybe Google would teach me. Yeah, you got to get your safe words out there. I remember going to Pauly then afterwards and then explaining, the one of the waitresses cried because they stole her boots and she cried and it was like, I remember the whole

thing. Wait, how did you get out? I just forced one of them out and then untied something. I forgot how they tied me up, but they tied me up in a way where it was like really tight and I remember it hurting. And I remember- Chris Angel came by his room and tied me up. It was down in the storeroom down there. Mine freak.

Yeah, and I remember, like, the elevator closing and I almost got to them, but then it went down. Yeah, like, it was like that. I got out fast. You know what I mean? But it was... Your dating stories are really next level. How has that not come out before?

I know. I never even told that story before. I don't know how I never told that story before. Well, his next date might be another story he tells us, another story. Oh, I have something to say. I'm going to ask you something and I've never brought this up because this just happened and I can even prove to you that it happened. God, what happened?

I can't show it, but you know, we broke up. Yeah. Okay. How do you feel about that? I was sad. Okay. You did? It was kind of like the comedy community was, I at least was bummed to hear it, but then

I was happy to see... I checked in on you guys afterwards, it's still getting along, still cohabitating, kind of still sleeping in the same bed. Is that still going on? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, okay. God, no. I think that was less of a check.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Last time we... All right. So anyway, I'm on the dating apps and do you know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Crushing. Yeah. Crushing it.

Yeah. Not crushing it, but I've met a couple of people. This is a big turnaround. I listened to the Harlan Williams episode today and that was when you go, I'm never. You're never going to have a girlfriend. You're never going to go on a date. That was only five weeks ago. It wasn't that long ago.

Yeah. Three weeks ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So never. Okay. So which one are you? Raya, obviously. Oh, no, that's dead zone.

Why? I've never matched with... I matched with one girl and I like her, right? And she... And I don't know if this is real or not, but I set up a date for her this Sunday, but then she says she's sick today. She texted me she's sick and she says I might have to pass on Sunday. So I don't...

Yeah. I think that's... That's fair. No, is that fair or am I being bamboozled? No one gets sick. I'm sorry. This... Thank you.

Thank you. No one gets sick. Like... So I'm being bamboozled. Sick is 70% of the time I lie. I would go even 80. Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow! I... You don't want to sabotage the date. This is already going to sabotage me even talking about it but… So every once in a while I'll get like, somebody that like will match I guess on Hing, Co.

They'll like you. And I have that thing where they'll just show you all the people that like you, right, Right? And then you go if you like them.. You pay extra to like see. I see. Who are you like to see. All the waiting apps, at dating apps, Isaey.

Yeah. You know what I mean. And I'll spend the booster of all you. Okay. There's booster. Yeah. and it's bullshit what does it do like on Tinder there's a booster where you won't get a match for days and then you do the booster and then you'll get to

I'll get 200 matches it's so rigged it's so it's rigged that's so rigged it's so rigged it's basically your profile is seen more but I feel like your profile is never seen otherwise I it feels like it feels like that because why they can't just generate matches for you out of nowhere it's just it's getting seen more yeah it's getting so you're seeing a lot more okay I mean it's literally from one a week to 200 a day so you you know I mean and they're a hundred fifty dollars for like a 24 150 for like a 24 cycle good business yeah it's a good business model in fact I can even prove to you now let's try it now so I haven't

done all right so check this out so let's try it now this is fun so this is Tinder right and I have literally no likes right now so I'm gonna go boost me right no I'm gonna do that I'm gonna do boost me yeah I'm gonna do oh and the real people they're not like bots I don't trust Tinder to not have bought I know I feel like Tinder I just haven't gotten over thinking it's the dirty app it's the one that's like it was the first one it's the one where you but it's how him and I met yeah ten years ago when Tinder was before Tinder got that reputation right it got sullied and now I feel like that's crazy was meant on

Tinder yeah yeah so I just got a boost okay and I had nothing I all day I've had one I haven't had any matches and I think it's being boosted hold on let me just give a quick my boo how do you feel about this I feel so good about where we're at and I like that he is you know he hit the ground running at first I was like do I want to hear about this do I want to hear about this but then he told me one story and it turns out like I do want to be a part of his life in in all ways and if this is part of it then this is part of it does it go both ways yeah I don't tell him well I mean there's I'm gonna say one thing there's

one piece of shit comic I'm sorry I'm not gonna say his name he's a loser right and he texted me today do you do you mind if I asked Kaila out on a date which is a fuck a bullshit that he isn't the only comic was asked by the way who who who who just just say listen comics listen to me right now off off that's not cool man it's not I don't get a sailor you so you're good at like saying no comics no one that Bob I would not know more remotely in his circle I'm not interested in because of him or just because dating a comic is not what you want to do again it's something I never even want to come close to doing

like any lifetime why good job Bobby I love that I know I'm very like I think it's absolutely traumatizing mm-hmm I think it is one if it's not for the faint of heart and you will get dragged through the no no no because now the women that are by the fans I'm being matched right now are listening to my every this is not good all angles no not me though you're a different guy but it's the kind of like if they're fuck you guys yeah yeah go ahead I deem Bobby safe a long time ago thank you only because like the payoff of like a really like you are so fucking cute and funny it's hard to resist thank you but

never again okay never alright what what let's what's like the breaking point what's the what's the thing that you could tell girls that are like I want to date a comic like what you what are they what's in what do you mean drag through them like what is it fuck you Nikki I don't know what I think you're the exception Bobby are you being real I'm being real okay thank you I think there are exceptions to this clearly give me another exception give me another exception Sebastian absolutely Sebastian Montescalco Louis I'm just kidding good Tom Segura absolutely absolutely Sandino Bert Kreischer yeah Bert yes

Bert yeah okay good I mean not easy to be they're not easy but they're good men who are not gonna drag right right yeah but I would date maybe like a female comic yeah that I would because I have all the women I've met in comedy have been solid bitches mm-hmm everyone why is it different I don't know you guys are just so switched on and grounded it's so different it's not different I think Bobby I do think it's different you don't think that we're different I mean I like hearing this that you see us exactly the same I mean I'll be honest we're motivated dating Whitney Cummings seems like a nightmare well she's a dude

okay that's okay okay Whitney's like a dude yeah but she is grounded no she's grounded and she's a nice lady and I love her and I'm all my but I just would never be able to do it I couldn't date myself I mean I don't know that I could date a female comic but I do think there's something different about them than male comics the person you're dating is a normal person yes okay good I think that's what I want a topography a topographer I want to know me cuz you're not a normie now I'm not pulled into it you've been dragged into it and now you're I would love someone who works in like a utility company maybe like a

longshoreman somebody yeah I like that I like that yeah oh you like that now it makes me not he's off on no I want or maybe like a writer that's maybe as close to this industry but not that scripts and stuff like a novelist no like a like a maybe I would what do you mean like like the showrunner of Severance maybe just someone that doesn't want the spotlight right it doesn't want all eyes on them that doesn't crave strangers attention and approval I don't know that's what I warn women about and for female comics to I don't crave that you crave that yes you crave it no no I don't crave it

anymore I've never craved it why are you comic I'm a comic because I love expressing myself okay right well what write a movie then be a writer okay paint something okay be an actor so that that actually does fit into it so okay okay so comic you need to be your approval okay can I just say I'll tell you why no tell me I'm gonna tell you right now I'm not like that I'm gonna tell you right now okay so there are some like myself that felt invisible when I walked into a bar right in my early 20s before I just end up no one would look at me right I wasn't no one would start conversation with me I just literally

felt like I didn't exist right and I had things to say and I there was parts of my personality that I thought you mean we're interesting you know what not right and I tried stand up as a dare almost and it made me feel better about myself and it made me feel like I was alive and a part of the world yeah no approval is that what it is approval yeah I mean I feel the same way I felt the same way like growing up invisible no one saw me everyone else got attention craving desperately wanting to be loved we weren't loved enough as kids whether our parents gave us love or not we did not they didn't speak our love

language because sometimes my parents get mad they're like you you always say we didn't love you enough and I'm like you didn't give me what I I needed more than what you gave and so we want it from strangers now and strangers and we get it right away like every time we speak there's a laugh and we're like validation it feels so good and it becomes addictive otherwise I don't think we do it I did something gross last week what that now that you said that so I opened for Tom Segura in Canada yeah and the reason why I did because he does like 15,000 seat venues right and I did good you know I mean and

I after the show he didn't want to go out and see anybody but I went we did one stadium and I went to like to the side right well people were like and I and I went there specifically I knew that was gonna get you yeah and I took photos with like a gigantic good I know but it felt gross to me like why do I need this if you were just well the fact that you just admitted it is not gross but if you were to deny it and be like no I was just hanging out there I just happened to be checking my phone and stopped on that corner all right admitting it I am admitting it I don't like when people pretend that they don't like it do you

like it to an extent I think that the healthier I become and the more I like myself the more I don't crave it but it that goes I can like myself one week a lot I mean I was like meditating on the way here to have better self-esteem it's every day it's a battle okay so let's go to this now yes look at the hinge all right so I matched with this girl it's very attractive and I don't want to give away anything but there was a photo in there that I could go oh I can Google that okay like Google something in it or there was something about the photo prompted him to be like oh this is a Google Bowl per Google

Bowl person Google Bowl person right specific yeah right and I can't get right so I googled her right and a bunch of articles came out about this person most of them was about her stabbing somebody oh my god right a bunch of time her ex boyfriend her ex-boyfriend right and a mugshot that was the Google thing no there were literally oracles written about it Jesus Christ I got a rat I got a rat I literally like my my dick went right and like juices squirt out of the tip yeah I mean I was just like are you serious it really didn't yeah I was like what is going on here like my dick started pulsating like communicating the

it was like I don't know what it was it was just like I gotta go out with this girl you know and um what do you think you think I should go on a date with absolutely we need and you know she's free so she's probably right but there's another there's two articles should she go out with you as a comedian why didn't you go to the details it just you just got hard and then you jerked off and you forgot about the three-inch stabbing he just read brutal well I mean because I always thought that I could survive a stabbing and guys are so you know like you know for us it's like pussy stabbing yeah it's like equal you know

I mean it's a good fair exchange it seems like a fair exchange yeah yeah there's two stabbings going on at the same time yeah yeah I actually think your skin is like rhino hide it might well that's rude yeah like you cuz you don't have pores and it's very very yeah I'm gonna I'm gonna unmatch with her don't do it I have to what if you're looking on a real love and what if you piss her off with this move that's the thing I'm scared about oh don't do that right Nikki's right you're gonna listen to this we're too much fucking we're gonna cut out the main detail you're gonna cut out all of it not the main details and like if I

stab someone I would I would kind of want them to tell me they knew like a flex that is a good point I think she is not trying to hide this I think she is putting enough information out there so should you know like she wants to be accepted and if anyone's gonna accept her Bobby Lee will accept you know what I think but I think that the arousal of that you felt when you found out about this is too much to deny yourself why did you learn something about yourself in getting turned on by hearing about that she's a she brutally stabbed so the deal is this what is that why did that turn you on and I think I think that the

danger of like me dying yeah right also something I don't know I don't know what that's about the rush but that put it to the tilt it's so interesting you got to get the whole story go out on a date I think so I think she's honest about this I think she had a bad pet like it just was seven years ago you can really recover nice girl seems like she's so excited to meet you that that enthusiasm too of like is this really you does that do something for you yeah because when guys have that for me I'm like oh god on a pedestal like you're gonna I'm not gonna live up to this is this really Nikki oh my god like I'm

just well initially there's been some matches I've had where they've said I know I only said yes to this because I think I'm being catfished right and I go well then I'll message you on Instagram where I'm verified and then they'll unmatch with me well it's happened three times they just want to know that they can get it yeah they're too scared yeah yeah it's that girls do this a lot I want to say that the canceling because you're feeling sick or all these things it's not because they're like I don't like that guy I'm not attracted to that guy I've done it before cuz I'm just so nervous of

intimacy with someone honestly like pursuing a new relationship starting over you don't know what that girl's getting out of so I I always would like to tell guys I could cancel a lot cuz I know that happens on these apps you get unmatched it's not that the girl isn't into you because I have been before but I'm just too scared is that what it is also it's the idea for me what's really daunting is when a guy is like hey let's go do this and I've never met him before I don't know what his voice sounds like remember when I first met you I was like we got to talk on the phone cuz I'm not forever it took forever right

but that's that's only because like I get really nervous so like I'm better in a group setting so how I've done it historically it's like my friends and I are out at this place why don't you know so you stop I did that karaoke night that's great yeah she had a carrier and I went there for her to get to know you and it was like in a friend environment right no pressure the pressure of a date where it's like we're gonna meet we never met before and we're gonna decide based on this dinner if we're gonna have sex and maybe get married someday is an immense amount of pressure even the sex part even if I want to have sex or it's

just like I want to start as friends and then I want to decide what it should escalate to sex feelings you know but I don't like sitting down with someone being like are we gonna have sex or not let's just be like can we be friends or not and then where can it go right but I also think that people should invite their dates to be in a to be around their friends pretty early on because I think your friends can also catch red flags that maybe you're not catching and I also think it's a great way to observe them and without the pressure of being face-to-face constantly so they're kind of in this like room like rotating

around people and you're like sitting back and like watching I prefer that I feel safer in that setting but I did go out on a date with a girl you did in Hawaii but recently yeah yes and it was wait have you dated women before I've been sexual with women but never date date women wow so I went on it was so different it was like you know the whole like are we gonna have sex or not the conversation like happened really quickly she was like I was like I'm not really looking for anything long-term I'd really just got out of relationships like oh neither do I and it was almost established really early on that there

was like okay like we're both on the same page it was no fuss but is there a sexual tension or is that just hanging out with a girl but it did feel at the end like my I felt at the end of it all I think it could have been you never hooked up with yeah but I don't think I'm ready to I think I'm pretty my body's still pretty close to off to that whole thing so you just wanted to see where I was at a date with a woman with no expectations of sex or a relationship and she was perfect she was a gorgeous she was it was a dirty was a dirty but it was fun I just don't think that I'm ready to just have like full blown

casual sex yes that was I can't guys do that what look at why can't guys just like meet a guy and go you know let's just let me see wait other wait other guys meeting other guys other guys why not I feel like like a like I feel like you know there are a lot of men that in a different society right that they would like you know explore that if there wasn't the social you know I mean absolutely thing attached to it like I like if Brad Pitt for instance if I was on Raya I've imagined this and Brad Pitt was what just Brad Pitt on yeah well because I've seen other celebrities on right why not Brad Pitt I know that

Ben Affleck was on it at one point right so Ben Ben Affleck let's say you is that happier yeah Ben Affleck Ben Affleck all right more reasonable is that more reasonable you worry Ben Affleck right mm like to me because in Raya they can say that he likes right yeah and if I saw a purple thing because it turns purple right if they like you yeah so I so um it and like you right in a I would love to live in a society where I can go you know well let's try I'll just have dinner right we do but I wouldn't do it why because I'm not gay dog okay but yo dog I love pussy dog you still wouldn't just do that just to meet Ben

Affleck wouldn't it it would just be so valid I would to get to know that Ben would want to fuck you yeah okay like that's so much currency right there for you yeah I don't know you okay I want to say something okay I want to see something as real as I can say it and as honest I can in today's society no but in a alternative universe multiverse multiverse yes let me tell you something if Ben Affleck left JLo for you like I could I'd be happy I'd be instantly happy would I be instantly famous I'll be instantly famous the most the most famous person that has ever been and he's like Google going for you and you're

like dude I'm not gay but he just keeps following the amount of power you have and that situation right dude I'm not gay so so cute oh my god with the height difference it would be honest it would this is the only arrangement I would do he would be like protect no anal okay no anal only BJ I'll blow him you would blow a 69 would you and I would have to relapse would you I would have to get drunk only situation I would relapse beyond drugs okay so you're you're not really cognizant for any of it I am I am but I think that you would have to fall the wagon again and he would be too let's face like you know that photo

wouldn't be penetrated you would not want to be penetrated by him would you penetrate him if he yes yeah for sure I guess you know that meme where he's standing outside a door and he's smoking it's miserable I can see myself next to him smoking you want the paparazzi photo yeah and then that being a beam I could handle that tracing his awful tattoo in the moonlight yeah so I would do that but only in that circumstance I think only that guy yeah there's like a there's like 30 guys I would do that way no they have to be super famous all the Chris's Chris pine yeah I mean yeah yeah I mean it's high level that list is

there one where like would surprise us out of the 30 guys maybe what about the rock no there's no way how about older actor maybe what you would be a spinner like maybe if Sam Shepard was still alive maybe but then we'll be on a ranch and no one would you know I mean you need the publicity from this little bit it would happen yeah that yeah exactly it would have to be involved fame alice alice alice it would have to elevate me in some way yeah I mean which sounds gross right but that's you know I'm not really gay I don't think right I know yeah you know honestly just don't have a 30 I think that in like I don't

think you're gay like you could have a relationship with a gay man no in a gay relationship but I think you can have gay experiences no it's not even fair no okay let me say that it's not even fame like if Steve I don't get there's no way you I mean any DJ no way there is a part of it that is about being attracted to the man like it it wouldn't just be about fame yeah it would be something in it no no Steve I think Steve I okay is an attractive guy but it's something about him that I just know way it's the DJ what's the matter right Kalyla the DJ aspect can I ask you something her being with a woman make

you feel more safe than her being with a man that's a great question yes wait say that again is her is Kalyla being with a what was you being with a woman in a relationship more feel better to him and easier to handle than being with a man and would you want to hear about it at all I mean it probably would not even I would I would probably want to hear those stories if she gets a boyfriend though and like it's live-in and you guys have still like is she just gonna pretend like that doesn't exist to you no no no Nicky check it out right yeah if he's a topographer you really love this topographer I just found out what it

is that's why we already mapped yeah he's a topographer and he does the tundra somewhere upper Alaska right and you're living in a cabin so I don't give a fuck that guy doesn't threaten me right he's a topographer you know I mean but if he's like has it been hard to turn down any of the comedians that have slid in no I the reason I was laughing earlier is because like I don't tell him who right and I don't think he would like it yeah because they're not topographers right I know he wants me to be with a normie and I think that's honestly that's probably what I need right and I what I truly want that's

what I need but you are attracted to not normie I'm attracted to chaos yes and magnetized you're really really disturbing creatures magnetic people actually right like you can't help it shiny shiny thing yeah I get it yeah things that could possibly hurt me real bad but you know what's interesting I'm not attracted to that thinking about going on a girl what are you talking about of course you love chaos I don't like chaos yeah but those are those are like circumstances that are very like you know anomalies hmm right that's not like that's like winning the lottery almost getting what

do you want in a relationship what's like the ideal kind of situation having come out of this one like what what do you picture for yourself do you guys do like um do you ever like um what's it like vision board manifest it like think about what that looks like for you um no not yet I'm not there yet yeah I think I'm just putting back the pieces together now there's like a there's okay I can say can I say this yeah there's a power I don't want her but there's a porn star or I don't want chaos no not her okay tonight did you just hear me I heard you not the one that I mean like the character she played

yeah um no there's a porn star I like the her face okay okay starting with a face yeah her face you right I like her body I don't like her behaviors or personality yeah and some guys are into that right but like you know but her face and her body if if that was in a Christian girl right or like a goody two-shoes girl I think that's the right oh you want like a real like do-gooder I do yeah I need poll poll or opposite of me I see yeah I see I need polar opposite yeah I mean I need somebody that's like we both need that's right it's it's probably it's maybe perhaps not work what we're gonna why why can't we

dream I think I just what I'm sad for like I still I feel the love between you two still I've just like just the pain don't touch me I think it's one of I think between us it's like we truly could have stayed together forever like I always wonder it's like when do people choose to divorce or end the relationship is it because there I it's like the friendship is there everything is there maybe we're not like as romantically like you know like today we got our nails done together nails mm-hmm but good it's like there are people in our situation who would have just chosen to stay together forever I

think about that all the time when people say they're getting divorced or they're breaking up I'm always like congratulations because you did the hard thing it's easy to just stay in it I think it's so scary yeah you're like it was the right thing to do yet you're months out and you're still piecing together things right how that's signing up for that when you know that's on the back end of it and and if you're ever gonna find someone that's so scary to do most people listening right now have felt the way if you both have felt in a relationship and are still in a relationship I also want to defend

Kalai a little bit sometimes I think it's better yeah it does I want to defend Kalai love it because you know you read things comments and from dudes online and this and that and I just want to kind of defend our relationship is you know and I said this on bad friends a couple of weeks ago you know but Andrew and I did and you know I you know Kalai is just a complex beautiful creature that's so original I've never met anyone like her and she's so special and I love her so very much and I love everything about her and I it kills me to think that she won't be in my life that that causes me so much pain and such deep sadness that

I might not even be able to move on all right so it's like our relationship just didn't work right but there's a way to do it in a loving healthy way and I feel like we are trying that and we are doing that but I we're family and that's never gonna change and that's it so sweet you have to give me a hug for that I know you don't want to be touched but you have that is yeah that's like the what you just said is is that's the feeling of like a breakup when you still love the person it's so easy if they like hit you or stab you I think it's like when you're younger it's always just you can point to one thing always yeah and you

just can't point to one thing here because I think that the friendship never wavered not even a little bit the friendship part the love never wavered it was just the romantic partner part that wavered and you know it's just some people might have chosen to stay in our situation we chose not to because we feel as maybe our our needs can be met with somebody else can I add you can totally tell me to fuck off with these questions but you're from what I'm grasping I'm sure you've covered it before the sex part the romance part kind of dwindled it was there was there an attempt to put that back together to go

see someone to get that and it just didn't reignite yeah we were in there years years could not it's me what is it um there was a time where I think well you can tell your part and I can tell my part I just don't want to focus on this the whole time though because it's like it's gonna bring people down I think no it's fucking fascinating are you kidding if you haven't talked about this and gone into it yeah trust me yeah it's fascinating and people everyone deals with the stuff I'm listening you know empathizing as well yeah with my own situation um so what's the question the sex yeah what happened and why couldn't

you get there like why didn't the therapy work well for me it's like and I think it has to do with my addictions and I think it has to do with being a stand-up is is that you know as you know you know I just have receptors in my brain where something like the stabbing thing where I got hard right I mean I know that was a joke right but there is some truth to that Jason where it's a danger and like all that stuff yeah and it's like I remember like you know when I was younger scoring math and this and that and being in areas when I was a young kid where it was kind of dangerous and I just kind of got off on all that

right and it's like and I being single now there is an addiction to meeting new women and that mystery and it's gonna happen not and then when you see them naked for the first time like oh my god it's unbelievable it's all we're hitting these dopamine receptors in my brain and stuff and it's all about you know I mean it's it's more like feeding into my drug addiction of alcoholism and all those things right but stand-up is the same way where it's like you know it's a scary thing like I did seven shows at the cellar last weekend yeah why did I need to do so much because it's an addiction and I did four shows one night

just room-to-room-to-room and like you needing that you know I mean yeah fix almost right and do you feel I mean do I relate to all that I did 19 sets last week in six day it's five day I mean it was it was insane I and yeah I completely relate and that's my sphere of commitment is never having a crush on someone again never having that moment of like I like this person so much oh my god our arms just touch oh my god our first kiss like all those things like the idea that I'll never have that again and he'll never have it again like sometimes I'm like to my boyfriend like me forever really yeah this is it like

you are okay with just only fucking me the rest of your life and he really is and it's not that I'm not I don't really when I'm single I don't fuck other people I'm not really someone who goes out and does a lot of stuff but I do like crushes I do like having like you know about like I'm about to go on stage yeah nervous yeah and and finding out if that person likes me as soon as I find out they like me look it's over and I want to start over with someone yeah yeah but I mean that is the thing that I want to chase forever and I'm really scared of commitment to have that to say goodbye to that forever but I also said I

think about quitting alcohol and I remember being like I've never had anything a better feeling than drinking in my life the feeling of getting buzz the first time I remember in high school saying why doesn't everyone do this all the time yeah the greatest feeling I've ever felt in my life I chased it for years and years I quit 11 years ago and I remember quitting and being like I'm gonna go forever without it and I'm okay with it because I'm like you had your fun you had your fun it's over things have to come to an end I never want the party to end and I think that for me at some point crushes will have to end and

then I don't do they if they're just crushes and you don't go but man if it doesn't if you know that you can never if you can only smell alcohol never take a sip what is the fucking point or if I can have one glass of wine I don't need to I can't do one glass of wine I'd rather just have none so I know women are like oh I have crushes all the time don't worry about it I'm like but you don't get to act on it you can like flirt at the grocery store and yeah but maybe it is that maybe it is enough to know that I could fuck that guy or that guy does want to fuck me because generally I don't I don't really hook up

when I think you're also in a different level as the average woman because you are very visible you are a public figure you are somebody that like men could only wish you know to have so it's like maybe more shots are like more people shoot their shot with you than just say like the average woman so you have the option you almost have option paralysis really at this point it's like you could I don't feel that way at all and I'm not trying to be modest and like no I know what you're saying I I always develop crushes on people that don't see it coming they're always people like I'm generally friends with for a while and

they have no idea and I have to one night just be like I like you and they're like what like it's always yeah that's what I'm talking about those long term things where I'm like I'm in love with him he walks out of the room and I fall on the floor and I'm like I love him and my friends are like tell him and I'm like I can't I'm I want my whole life to be Ross and Rachel one Ross and that guy's Rachel that is what Jim and Pam like I stopped watching the office after they got together I stopped caring about friends after they got I want my life to be that yeah do you is that kind of something that resonates I think that's

what it is I think that's it's the chase and it's like but it's a movie role when you're auditioning when you get it aren't you just kind of like okay yeah but then it's great but then when you go yeah but then there's also this thing that I discovered yesterday because I was in New York yesterday and you know I'm on I did some sex in the cities and for some reason that show makes me so nervous and it's so scary and because all my scenes are worth SJ right Sarah Jessica and you know she's such a professional and she's so good at what she does and I'm a comic I literally don't know what the fuck I'm doing I

really don't it's so funny because at this point you do I mean like you've proven it that people you're not tricking anyone no no no no people are smart they're giving you I know what you're saying no Nikki I know I'm Bobby Lee I know I have talent you know I know that you know there's something about I know all those things okay but still there is a challenge to it that's scared I still get nervous that's good and that's it's still like but the ones I do it you don't mean I like I did the scene with her and I'm like I think that turned out wow that in itself is a fix how many takes are you doing on this

show like how I would just want to because I feel like I've never really acted that much but I feel like you get it by like the last take and then you're like can we do more because I just found it is do you feel that way well I mean this is probably because I'm unhealthy I never feel like I can move on yeah that's why you have a self-tape audition yeah you take some yet we've done how many we've set hours doing a one-page scene like we had to do it again directors don't know what they're doing to people's lives it's something that would take you two minutes when you walk in person yes yes but I still prefer you prefer in or

you prefer tape I would prefer in because I know what tape is gonna ruin my whole evening and I'm never gonna it's never gonna get right in I just to get it over okay for me tapes no I because I could still look at and go that sucked let's do it again yeah but you are so shiny in person yeah your aura everything you exude in person is just so your star you really are okay anyway um okay so on the set with SJP so anyway that in itself I'm calling her yeah I mean like she like I don't know like there's something about like being able to be in a scary situation you I mean you know outside my comfort zone being able to

pull it off and then itself is a fix to me I remember feeling high from it I used to go I was getting so used to going on stage doing stand-up and it doesn't give me the adrenaline it used to yeah I used to get high beforehand and it would make me forget a joke in the middle of a sentence I would forget what I was talking about and the thrill of it is like I mean I was doing this on like theater shows I don't smoke pot anymore but I was sabotaging because I wanted that fear of like I'm talking right now I'm in the middle of the joke and I don't remember how this joke ends and I truly don't even know what I'm

talking like you ever do that where you just oh my god I mean you're on stage you know pulling out your dick like you're doing my chances up there oh no I I do that for the thrill I've repeated jokes I've opened with a joke and right and at the end did the same joke on two show nights sometimes yeah and I go did I just tell that joke like yeah the audience goes you know right away yeah they're still silent in an eerie way of like it's not that embarrassing no it's not that I've had to ask like what was I just talking about and I'm like it's always gonna be child molestation just always I can always find my way back to

my act you say yeah I mean do you still have bad shows or no um no I mean like I'm not saying like it's I've had mediocre shows yeah but ever since I stopped smoking pot no oh wow that was happening a little bit I that's why I just stopped because it was just getting messy really tangential so ADD not finishing a thought but no but sometimes I you need to it feels good to it doesn't feel good just reminds you or you're alive when you bomb because it was Friday I did what you do the seller at all yeah so do you do the village underground the big one it's great right so fun so right so I did the

first show packed Ronnie Chang went up and I went up it was great I closed the show and I couldn't believe it because it was a great lineup I was like oh I'm killing it I belong here the second show though was so fucking hard I opened with a joke that I as soon as I said it would you open with I opened with Down Syndrome people making love I know but I did it's my favorite joke that's like going on stage hi that's like taking a risk yeah I got I'm gonna do I think I could do it right and how they touch butts for three minutes and you and all the moves all the moves they do I remember you know there's a piano guy to

the left oh yeah and I look at it and he went he went he went and I go I was already in the middle of it so I got I gotta finish it I can't and you won them over though by the end no no no the Asian manager he goes hey buddy not not good huh the text you sent me after that said I don't know I did it was that bad oh and then I especially at that club because you're just so scared you don't feel like you even belong there yeah you right yeah always I me too yeah and then they give me a swads and I'm around all the way we go where you go you're famous comedian I had a rough show at the seller I'm okay I'm okay but

man that hurt okay also here I said why tough crowd you said I don't know they just didn't like me I'm doing that you knew why Bobby oh yeah I don't want to get into like did you just see what happened there you read his text they didn't like me so that confirms why we do this we want to be liked and when we bomb it's not they didn't like our jokes they didn't like me and that's what hurts so much they don't like me yeah they don't like you they don't yeah how we mendel so I did Mount Trail like three years ago and I I was on stage how I could see how we mendel walk and sit in the balcony booth I could see his bald

head right and I'm friends with them right but in the other balcony booth there was a guy that just kept yelling after every joke next next you're not funny next and I remember seeing Howie right because he had just you know bought like a chunk of you know just for laughs and I love him you know I mean and then me arguing with this guy going you know hey dude I this is the first time I've ever been to watch real why are you fucking it up right in front of a packed theater audience and going sorry how everyone knows that guy's a jerk yeah right and I'm doing and doing it and I could see how he bulkily laughs oh good

because he's seen me struggling was arguing with this guy then doing jokes and this and afterwards he was just like you know um dude that was great and I go what do you mean the guy keeps saying next I'm not good and this and that and in my head and it and everyone in that theater could say that was the best set but because that guy did that it was that was a terrible set yes and because you were thrown you felt uncomfortable I felt uncomfortable the whole time I had to be on my wits you know I mean I had to be in my full material yeah yeah I had a segue into different things and it wasn't you know at the end people

probably went well that was probably your night it ruined my year yeah like like the text that you sent like a bad set and when you ask me if I have bad sets yes I've had those of like it just doesn't go my way I think I'd really block them out in such a way because they're just so devastating yeah but you need to get on stage right away to make that's about it what they think I had two more sets after that right yeah there's this one girl I don't want to fuck up her name Camisha Camisha Camisha she's a black comic she does every room there and everyone there goes because I had a follower twice Saturday

night and every comic goes on she's gonna be a tough one for you bud Yamanica Yamanica yes Yamanica so hard to follow how do you not know Yamanica canisha yeah I know Yamanica Yamanica yeah yeah yeah yeah I mean yeah it hurt your barns are the hardest to follow yeah yeah Yamanica yeah village underground had a follower right and then the little room yeah right and you bro I was like no you don't even know bro you don't eat don't have me but your neck is getting so tight yeah you don't even know I was doing honestly I was doing this like jumping up and down the back just to get the energy and that

level because I had I had to do it yeah well I think that now like I I don't allow myself to have I will fight to have it'll I'll put the pressure on to have better sets because I have to do meet and greets afterwards I cannot look at those people I cannot meet people when I used to feature in bomb regularly and I knew that they would walk past me and go straight to the headliner or if I if I sometimes when I was headlining clubs and I would have my feature act selling stuff I knew if I didn't do well I would hear you should have been the headliner like that telling the feature act I couldn't deal with that so now I

feel like with meet and greets afterwards it makes it forces me I gotta put on a good show because I can't look these people that's exactly what happened I literally went I cannot I have to overcome this yeah and I I did great after her oh good right but I had to but I was on like high alert like I was put I came out going but how rarely do you get like that like when you're at the comedy store are you like in the back like overthinking yourself like I got him but the agents are here like you're not like no prepare you're not because the store is I had it the other night Patton Oswald was sitting next to me

I'm like if he's gonna be here watching my set I gotta I gotta try a little bit of heart and it made it made me so much better oh yeah yeah to have that that do a comedy young comic I care the comics are in the back watching what Chappelle did that once yeah he walked into the OR and I saw his head and I was like well I have to now yes yeah yeah yes yes we can't do that just without sorry with you I want to talk about fuck boy island is that what it's called yeah f-boy island yeah it's called fuck yeah it's fuck right and I've never said I'm sorry I've never said because it's not I know but I want to you

should you would like it I would like it yeah because of me like I liked the show aside of my like I was watching the show and those didn't know what it's gonna be because I don't see the reality being taped I just see my parts like the eliminations and like I've been through the games and stuff but the show itself is so entertaining as a reality show I was wrapped up in it when I watched it have you ever watched anything of yourself and been like this is actually really good like I should yeah I have done in my most the time you're like I'm promoting something I don't really yeah so you love my alley I love it yeah it's

so fun and the second season is even better it's but my connections say I want to say something a compliment to you and the and I haven't seen it but I've seen a lot of like you all these kind of posters and stuff right based on you seeing me on posters what would you like to say no but yeah I want to be um you're more attracted than the girls on it that's so nice and that's something that no that's real I need to hear what you know for being you know 10 years older than them I hold my own for sure yeah they are next level like it's it's embarrassing sometimes I go to the you know it would be the elimination round

and it would be these three girls decked out and these guys come up and I'm standing right next to them it's like four of us yeah and I'm saying right next to him and the guys come up and are like ladies you look so beautiful the three of you look so beautiful I can't even believe it you're stunning and I would just go you're here too like yeah I just always felt like really I feel invisible I felt like you growing up really invisible yeah a lot of just based on the promotional stuff I haven't seen it right yeah maybe if I watch a show oh yeah it's Nikki yeah I mean but but also I have to be so asexual on

that show because I don't I don't want ever be accused of trying to like woo one of the guys or like take some of the attention like it's it's it's a natural instinct as a woman next to beautiful women with a bunch of hot guys in front of you who are like just chomping at the bit to try to get some of their attention and I just have to I have to completely go into like sister mode and like I'm just goof and one of the boys and so I don't get any attention from any of the guys and it's it can feel sad sometimes really that you just feel invisible now that's where is that shot that was in Cayman Islands that one but

we shot the second season in Mexico all right so you're on a beautiful beach yes what where do you stay I stayed at a resort in the Cayman Islands we say we stated a resort and then on but you get a nicer room than I have to know the logistics of it yes so you list Dana sweet yes beautiful well the first season no I was just like with everyone else and then the first season was shot during the pandemic yeah it was in 2021 it was awesome because it was still masked up here like it was COVID and we go out in February and we quarantine for three weeks and then the island did not have COVID so we were mask-free like it

was spitting in each other's mouths like it was down there it was awesome wow but we had to quarantine for two weeks as soon as we got in there and then it was it was the best and then when we did second season it was in Mexico and we were getting tests every day masks all the time so it felt worse actually yeah year later but it was so fun yeah yeah but I I was I was on I was with all the cast and crew like on the same kind of resort the first time and then they put me away like they put me far away based they just didn't want me like fraternizing with people wow it's really weird like they don't want

talent and crew on reality shows there's no talking between them like I did not know like I would I would pass like cameraman on the beach just like on a day off and like wave and they would act like they didn't see me like wait wait there's no that's supposed to treat the talent that are in the competition I'm like I'm not in the competition I'm not gonna be infiltrated if you say hi to me but like I just it was why can't you go up to the cameraman and go what's up my name is Nikki it what they would get awkward because they're so because if I have a problem here's the problem talent is a

problem and you know this you've worked with people all the time if we because if I have a problem with one of the cameraman they're replaceable I'm not replaceable so they're gone if they look at me the wrong way if I if I start talking to them and they become friends with me and suddenly I don't know I snap because I'm a crazy narcissist person who you know talent can be insane so they don't trust us to be friends with they just keep it very is that on reality shows I think it's on everywhere every every cameraman I know on any show I'm doing three shows right now reoccurring right I know their names

I kiss him on the cheek I do too but it takes a really long time to warm up to them because they're so scared because even with your friendly you got they they've seen it happen where you can we can be hanging out me and the crew smoking weed after the show in the trailer and they say one thing wrong way like well my aunt died of that and then suddenly the next day knows these yeah yeah talent is crazy and they're so entitled so I found that um you know and then you hear rumors about certain people you can't look in the eyes or you just you've heard the stories about I like I want these people

to be called out I mean the Ellen thing we all knew about that yeah so many years before it became widely known there's so many people like that that we just know are terrorizing well fame hits people in different ways what do you think happened in that particular scenario with Ellen like the don't look mean I like what do you think happened how does one get there um well I've never met her but I either I would so go down on her like I fear her she's in my dreams and I like literally one of my favorite movies to this day is that movie she played a straight woman yes Bill Pullman so mr. Wright mr. Wright

yes I mean I love Ellen I saw her half-hour comedy special when I was younger right and her stand-up was insane the type of her style had never seen before there was a cruelty in her stand-up you go back and watch her stand-up there is a dark side yeah see the meanness yeah I love in the stand-up but the stories you we all heard them yeah I don't know how does one get there I just think that fame hits people in different ways like I I know dudes at my level right and they think they're like they can walk on water right where when it hits me I come from a from a different maybe it's because I've been

kind of famous for a very long time is that weird to say no I was on mad TV in 2000 it was my first show you said mad man I was like I play the janitor hey China man clean the windows but when I look at a girl like for instance our friend so see bacon yeah oh yeah I love hi she is like as we see it yeah she is change proof to me is that because she just grew up with famous I think it's good parents I think that what you're that's what it is what happened Ellen I think I think she was always like I mean I've heard stories of her on the road being very myopic about like stand-up like not really being friends with

anyone I don't I mean I don't I want again Ellen I want to be friends with you I'm sorry to even say this you still have so much power in this world and I'm terrified of you but I think she's I don't think you change necessary I think it just amplifies the person I've already that's what it is I think that's what it is yeah right because when I was on I did a softball movie a couple of months ago and there's this kid talent kid he's in the new Hellraiser movie his name is Adam Faizon and he listens up Tiger brother I love you buddy but we were sitting there and so see had called them right because they had done a show

years ago together that Alan Ball shall and they were just chatting about live how are you this and that and I just kept saying hi to so see through his you know phone like I love you so see but I'm just saying like you know there's just something about her she's just a normal person and she has connections regular connections with people and this you know when you meet her she's just a loving people and then there's some people that we know there are certain comics that once fame hits they completely change yeah but you've never been like that you're a good person cuz I cuz I don't think I don't have good

self-esteem is that a nice person I like your sweetheart like care about other people too I don't know what it is but I don't and I don't think it's necessarily self-esteem that that person has that makes them feel like they're better than everyone else in fact it's actually very low self-esteem that makes someone an insane selfish narcissist who thinks that they are the smartest person alive and that they are the only comedian worth seeing and that they deserve yeah that actually you know you look into it and that's the most insecure person but doesn't come off that way anyway but you know it's some of

the worst people and some of the best people are comedians like some of the people that just go I know we'll all kill ourselves too so eventually I know all the best people are the ones that are like suicidal and depressed like died tragically and all the ones that are young I know I know I know I know I know I'm supposed to get a laugh when I said well because I mean like a month ago a friend of three weeks ago another friend of mine died I'm so sorry David Arnold oh wait I don't know who that is yeah he died fuck he's a good one no no good you know he helped me get sober oh he finally got a Netflix special fuck oh yeah so it his

Netflix special aired a month and a half ago two weeks later you get a spot at the laugh factory when home and he died he killed himself heart attack oh heart attack yeah yeah it was terrible yeah anyway it's um keep that in he was a great guy yeah my life you good guy oh that's so sweet anyway so oh wait I'm Nikki are you dating a normie then yes I love that we've been together off and on for nine years wait is he the guy on your show yeah so we broke up get back together break up get back together he is hot what show what show I had a show on he called welcome home Nikki Glaser yeah that was like kind of the love

story of us I love your parents thank you yeah I had really good parents your normal person man yeah yeah yeah I don't know you're so cool oh thank you likewise so thank you so much for doing our podcast we love you and I'm having a round of applause for Nikki Glaser well let me see if Tinder anyone from Tinder all right so I had none right okay and I have now how much is the boost on Tinder this one was only 699 and I have 19 likes whoa hot chick they're not hot I'm gonna say I'm no no all these no they're not I mean why wait I want to see this I'm Nikki go through them can I yeah okay but you can't approve and

do not approve because I have to hurt their feelings by unmatching with them okay okay I won't approve but I want to know why you wouldn't approve some of these here let me just okay go okay to heavily filtered I just don't think that that's yeah yeah that's not she looks like I will she's too young yeah well what's your age limit on here okay well where does it start um that girl's cute which one let me see I don't know no no why not no no Bobby are you she's so pretty I know yeah okay that's oh like supermodels like I hope you get stabbed I hope can you get up can you get them on F boy Island I would oh my god in fact

you know what I'll do also want to do F man Island I think we should pitch you to be the next bachelor yes the first Asian male yeah why don't why don't they do a bachelor or any for average looking people they do now have you seen it's like a little bit rougher than it has been yeah oh really yeah but still not like you know regular like me I completely agree with you I would it's called love is blind actually yeah though that's average people yeah it's so good if ABC came up to you and said hey we're giving you this amount of money yeah for one season for you to be the bachelor oh yeah 100% I but the but the

women are gonna look like me right so yeah you're gonna yeah you're gonna have like a girl girls want to be on TV and you're great and also when they meet you it's hard not to fall for you how could you not choose Bobby as the bachelor I know you guys are never funny they're boring they're so bland you would be oh and you're insane can I come in on like the 10th episode and be like I want you back oh my god well you come back to help you know yes like help and then you end up falling back in love and messing the whole thing up like you see I mean you as a bachelorette I'm actually into no no no no no no no no no but all girls only oh yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah there's no way there's no way

I'm gonna go teela tequila with it and have men and women oh that show every had a double shot I'd be down to do the bachelorette yeah I'd be like the Claire though cuz I'm pushing 40 I know we're too old yeah when Claire was a bachelorette that's when COVID happened I think it like I coincidence I don't think so they're like she's too old and she knew right away that was the thing that they show you to like pretend like you don't these girls always know right away who they're gonna pick like we know who we're attracted to and she she Dale got out of the thing and she goes that's my husband and they're like yeah

pretend 20 more episodes to do a bitch I also want to do a proposal live keep this in okay I don't cuz you know Natasha Legerro did Family Feud all these guys did Family Feud they've never asked me to do found few yeah I think that my choice of my family with you on it I would put other family members and people on it I think we would crush it it would be amazing they need to get you on there's someone who knows someone at casting okay so listen the Bobby Lee family please ask me to be on Family Feud we won't win but it'll be hilarious so funny why they don't put us comedians on everything I know or how about what

if they did a Family Feud East Coast comics West Coast comics right comedy store of seller because no one really knows that's no one cares besides us about let's be honest imagine like Bill Burr me on a team of incredible dude that'd be incredible anyway hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey