TigerBelly - Ep 373: If Bobby Was Putin

Episode Date: November 10, 2022

Bobby goes out as a strawberry. Khalyla keeps the foot massager. We talk FU money windows, ketamine cuddles, pizza food rage, and we answer your fan questions.Please support our sponsors.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today What like what look at look at how cute I look right now your face or your body You have to question what is cute about yeah, aren't I like so cute. What about you? I don't know what to focus on Okay I'll tell you I just want to tell you what's cute about me I'll start. Do you want tow first or head first? I? I guess start from the top down bottom up, but stop down. Okay. What I find cute about myself right now Is that my hair is?

Kind of like this shoveled and wet from the shower, but like I'm like, oh, I don't want to blow dry it So I'm just gonna tuck it in this cute hoodie this camel hoodie Right from this store Fukushima store And what I find cute about my face right now Mm-hmm are my lips are kind of juicy and What I find cute about my lower half are these pants from all saints Who's our love? hours mine

hours You guys have clothes that you consider hours hours. Yeah, this is the hours Tell me about the cute part though and then Let's go to look closer to the cute and then like okay But most are you saying from top? Are you saying from top to bottom you're cute all around or are there place are there spots in your body? That's not as cute as others or just stop some stuff. That's sort of straight up ugly. I think my I want to know My aura is really cute right now. Okay. Oh spiritual. Okay. Okay. Okay, well now

Okay, we're now we're doing like fourth-dimensional stuff and auras and spirits and stuff. Yeah, so your spirits cute Thank you. What do you find if the physical shell is you know what I mean? It's damaged, but okay Yeah, the aura I can't see that right now I'm not just the physical shell the insides are pretty damn pretty damaged too. So they're melting But just spiritually and aura wise pretty damn good man. That's what I wasn't looking at. Yeah Thank you. Yeah, but um you seem post-apocalyptic Clothing wise like you know I mean like you're smuggling stuff You know I mean back into the camp, but how cute is this contrast of this orange necklace with this camera?

I didn't see it, but now do I look cute or not? I pull this out. No, absolutely not I got worse for some reason. It kind of got worse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Um you I mean Do you feel cute? No, I feel um Like a Smurf Oh, yeah, but yeah, yeah, yeah, Bobby went on a date with with the girl and he was like, what should I wear and I kind of He was like, should I wear this should I wear that and then I was like, yeah

I think those two things look good together and I swear to you guys he walked out of the door looking like a full-blown strawberry Classic I don't that look and I don't know if that was internal sabotage on my part But it was so funny because he ran into Sosie at the pharmacy and she sent me a picture and she she was like Did you dress what does he look like a strawberry? Was there sabotage involved back to the strawberry what? You look like a cute strawberry. So what you're telling me is Sosie bacon. Yeah, she took a picture of you No, let me get let me get this straight lay it out. May I get this straight? Mm-hmm. I

Run into Sosie bacon and her boyfriend at a pharmacy She taped me Talking to her boyfriend and then she slams the way I looked And the only reason I'm looking like that is because I got the okay from you to look like that And then you guys are now shaming me behind my back if I'm if I'm dressed like a fruit Tell me I'm dressed like a fruit and I'll change it. She actually didn't say if I went out like this Would you say oh, he's dressed like a blueberry? So you're saying that I look like a blueberry now you look honestly

You're a little blue bright now. Yeah, all right, but I'm gonna say this. I'm into what is this mono? Chromatic. Yeah monochromatic. I like being monochromatic I like the same color but different shades of that one color as a clothing thing. I think so, too, you know, I see European male models do that like black dudes. They'll wear like peach from the top bottom And I go I want to look like that but when I look like it I look like a fruit That's what you're so I think everyone knows you are the style icon in a male Comedians was I now when I went to the fucking out was I a style icon that day as a strawberry you looked you looked How do I say like you were you're pushing the

The boundary and Russian. Yeah, you were really pushed And I really respected it also the fact that you wore these really cute pink socks under your slides My god, I was a fool that day, huh? You know, there's a there's a nice way of doing this and I don't know if this was it wait Were you wearing that shirt? Because that's strawberry. I don't think you were doing that on the date. I was like that but different like with longer sleeve Prefernellia Probably yeah, yeah, so um, there's a nice way to do it

Okay, I think the next time if I'm full-blown doing with the fruit thing Right, you should just tell me you look like a cantaloupe or whatever And then I'll go. Oh, I should take all this, you know, I mean orange stuff off Right instead of like letting me go out in the world like that having people shame me and then you guys laughing behind my back I think that's the wrong actually I should So see didn't say you look like a strawberry. She said you just smelled like vapes hmm We went through all that it's better. We went through all that just to get to there. Yeah, the truth

Yeah, yeah, or let's I think I know I understand what's going on now. Okay in the beginning of the podcast, right? I Didn't say that you looked beautiful, right? And then you had a defense mechanism So you had a shame, you know me my clothing style and then now you're trying to do this whole vape thing I don't know what that's all about that angle, but I want to let's go let's go back to the beginning. I apologize for that Can we just move on from there then? Yeah, and the reason why but the vape thing doesn't bother me because I'll show you what it is It's not in my pocket. It's upstairs her boyfriend

Smokes the same exact vape flavor and in brand and I smoke and so when she smelled me She goes, oh my god, I know that smells so well and then we that's how we talked That's how we grouped together. I would have never talked. I never met him before, right? I've never met so she's boyfriend, but that was the connection there. So anyway, okay? Anyway, let's start five four three two Welcome to another episode of I'm sorry. I'm dressed like a blueberry. Oh, you said that's so cute. I'm so we oh I'm so we Oh, that's a cool name. So we Zoe is a name. No, so we oh with an S. Yes, that is so cute. I'm so we

I'm so I sussu Yeah, all right. Anyway, welcome to another episode. I don't like that sweatshirt. I Love it. I know she does and you she complimented earlier, but you know, I just thought what the Bears is a football team Yeah, the refrigerator plays for them. Yes. Yes, we talked about that already Mm-hmm. Maybe not. I love your random football knowledge. Tell me You got a lot of sport and sports knowledge revered refrigerator Perry. Wow. He was a linebacker or defensive linebacker Yeah, defensive linebacker, man. Do you know what the position is called? He wasn't defensive in yeah, it was defensive line defensive tackle. Yeah, he's the wall. Yep defensively and he was good at sacking

That's all I know. Okay. Okay He doesn't do the passing interference all that kind of stuff, but my point is is that it's a refrigerator Perry That's all the only one. Oh Luke Dukas. What's what was it? I don't know that podcast Lucas Was I close close enough for me to get that look Lucas Can we look at look can we see if there's anyone named Luke Lucas? Oh

My god, there's a football there is a football player named Luke Lucas. That's what I was thinking about baby That's how I was thinking about that's Luke Lucas Yeah, that's my man Yeah It's football photos and football photos, but how did I know that? Oh, how do I know Luke Dukas? I No idea, but good job. Thank you So very hard to shame me isn't it? It's so hard so difficult because you know my trickery goes beyond your comprehension

Okay, so anyway, I love football, but um, I don't know the Bears They're pretty good. Well, they were good at one point. Right. Are they good now? Oh, no, they stink now It's a rebuilding year. They were good in 85 and every year that they they play badly I think I should just I should just rewatch the whole 85 season so I can be happy every Sunday You know how I know I've already explained to you why I know refrigerator Perry. Were you in a commercial commercial with him? No Can I can I please do okay, so I um have you ever heard of tech mobile? Oh, yes Yes, yes, I do know this story. You do know what's the story? No, but then you you didn't say it on the podcast you just told it to me so to repeat it

I know you've played that game, but that's all so I I didn't know anything about football and I played tech mobile and I know I know how the games played, you know, you know kind of Well ask me questions What's it down? It's after the first scrimmage of play and then you know you go forward and it depends how many yards is the down Right how many and then how many downs do you get before the other team gets the ball and it's turnover how many or four? Yeah How many they usually don't do the fourth they use the after the third down the user do the kick thing Okay, this guy knows. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you. Try to trick me, huh? How many points does it touch down seven six and six

And then the field goes seven or whatever. Yeah, I can't get you. Yeah, you fucking idiots man Yeah, I'm a mind-boggler did who's the quarterback for the San Jose Sharks That's hockey team Fuck this guy's good. Do ask me more sportsy. Can someone else help me? I can't Yeah, I asked me another sporty dude. I challenge you Toot is the tricky this is to do it. This is tricky. What yeah two point conversion How many points do you actually get?

And a two point conversion two point two points. I can't try to trick you. That's not good. That's so dumb That's a good one. You have a cell for that. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, I had tech mobile So I didn't know I didn't know anything about football and but I for some reason I played would play with the Chicago Bull the Bears and There would be There's like what and it's I tell me what the what the characters look like on it. Mm-hmm. Just what generally so So generally that's what it looked like right old school. Yeah, old school like that, right? And then but one of the characters when you played the Bears was gigantic

Oh, and it was a he was a little faster than everyone So I had to go I had to ask around like who's that big black gigantic character You know, I mean, that's the defensive and then like, you know, my friends would be that's fucking refrigerator Perry And that's how I know the name. That's all I went through all that just to do that. But yeah, but yeah, that's why You know, I wish football was that they just kept playing if they kept playing I would be a huge fan of it You know, I mean, what do you mean by keep playing? He doesn't like to stop. I don't like to stop it Okay, and then people discussing things on the side. You know, I mean, I don't like it You know, I mean, I don't like cheering. I don't like

Why is there a halftime thing you like the pace of soccer where it's continuous like any sport that's continuous You know, I mean, it's just good. Maybe it's because of my ADD or whatever But it's like, you know, do you think basketball is continuous? Yes. Okay, if there was a Korean football player, would you be more interested? No What would he play though? He's actually one of the best in the league. He plays for Atlanta Falcons. That's why there is one Yeah, young ho ho, but he's a kicker Oh, he's a handsome guy too. He's a handsome guy. Wait, does his I would love to have his jersey. Yeah, let's get his jersey. Yeah, we'll have it. Yeah But is he good? He's good. He actually was a handsome guy. He's a really good kicker, too

Oh, he all that's all he does is kick. It's an important part of the game But that's what he touched on his six points But is that the guy is that the guy that was like that he got founded from tiktok or whatever? No, there was a guy that was like they saw found him on the internet Like he's good at kicking at the internet and then they put him on the NFL. Oh, shoot. I don't know that's what I heard Maybe it's my dream. You know what that it sounds maybe I dreamed it you get seen on tiktok No, but I imagine that's how all of like the singing all the talent show are like they're recruiting everyone from tiktok Yeah for everything so that actually makes sense. I mean the guy from Journey

Mm-hmm, you know that's from YouTube. Yeah, that's that's a band right journey Journey the band Recurred the lead singer of a Filipino band called the zoo or something like that and his name is Arnell Pineda Yeah, Arnell Pineda when I was in Hawaii last yeah, the journey played there and they sold out every show I mean it was like people were like it was almost as if like it was the Beatles I mean they are I think Arne Pineda really reinvented that band. I think congratulations guy Um, but you know footballs are pretty good. Arsenal is really just I don't know. Are you so proud? We won again today. They're incredible right now. What's this? What are we doing?

They're at the top of the of the table. Yeah, right? Yeah, for sure What do you mean for sure? Why are you looking? He wants you to keep saying it because no I know I know because I want to just tell you how proud I am of my football club and how our test reinvented the fucking thing and You know, we went away to Chelsea today and won We beat Liverpool last week. We beat Tottenham two weeks three weeks before that. I mean, we're killing it 11 wins one draw one loss And we're at the top of the league. That's all I want to be proud of my team, you know If if a team usually starts this strong

Is it that like do they usually maintain all the way to the end of the season or has a team started this strong and then fallen off like? Strangely like midway through the season arsenals on that arsenals like start, but not as strong as now Yeah, but we've started that we've had like two or three game streak and we're like, oh my god And then we'll lose the next five. Yeah, but we're on like we're 11 now. We've never been here I mean that the closest that we were is the year that we were the Invincibles Who's who's next who's second right now and how man city man city by two points? Oh, and they have a you know, you know They have on they have probably one of the greatest soccer players To ever live right now on their team

They have a fucking Viking. Oh, yeah, a straight up fucking White night, I'll suck it Like this guy is bro, bro What we see from Norway or Denmark one of those two Wait, who we talking about all I know is they're not going to the world his his country is not going to the World Cup So we're not gonna get to see him in the World Cup Wow, but what in a world cup game In a in a qualifying game when you play for what country is that Denmark or Norway Norway when he was playing for Norway He one time scored that guy

That's the one time scored Nine goals in a World Cup game. That's insane in one game This dude got like three hat-tricks three games in a room for man city this year. It's incredible. This guy's incredible dude This guy is incredible. So you can't decide about his face though. I know right? It's got like it's I'm intrigued by it I don't know if that's considered handsome or just no, it's it's you know, the guy that was in the Northman Yeah, Alexander scars guard. It's like a combination between Alexander scars Dar and Judy Dench Come on. You know Yeah, if you put them together, they're here she he is

Yeah, right there, but this dude right here is he's also tall and big. Yeah, he's incredible Anyway, people don't like to listen to soccer when I you know, but you know, it is a part of one of my passions You should go are you gonna go to wait? We wanted to maybe try going to an LAFC game because Gareth Bale, please. Yeah, I Should pick a team galaxy or fucking go LAFC. Why do those games are like crazy? Yeah, a lot of your fans there, too Well, I think the reason why I would do is because Vela still plays for them And he used to play for Arsenal when he was a kid and I like Gareth Bale and I also you know Will Ferrell I think is an investor and Timberlake and Timberlake. Yeah, so maybe

Damn, you should have been an investor for that team. That would be crazy. Oh, here's $10. What the fuck are you talking about exactly? What do I get for $10? I don't know shoelaces. You got you want you got one soccer player shoelaces. I have a question I have a question. Yeah, if you had If tomorrow you had fuck you money, what would be your first big obnoxious purchase football team? Not by land. Oh, that's not an obnoxious purchase. That's like, oh, you don't know what I'm gonna do That's responsible. You don't even know what the fuck I'm gonna do. Oh, you're gonna do fallout on it, right? What do you mean fallout? Like, you know the things you build on on there like all the like crazy structures

He's doing stardew. You don't even know. No. No, not not even that dude. This is what I'm gonna do I'm gonna dig a mile underneath not a mile. Maybe half a mile underneath the ground okay, and What I'm gonna do is I'm gonna have 15 floors Going down. Sounds like fallout. Sounds like fallout. I knew it. It sounds like the iPad fallout Yeah, I play that game the one the iPad version. You're not fit. I'm not done. Chachi. He's gonna switch it. It goes off No, it doesn't go up. Okay, right What it does is this and what I'll do for windows and stuff is I'll have like because I've been on like

Sets and stuff before I will I'll have real windows and yeah at Magnum PI when I do Magnum PI You know in that bar scene it looks like there's an ocean and boats and stuff But I'm gonna have all that put I'm gonna put in breezes. What is your beef with actual windows though? Give I didn't know you had beef. Oh, yeah windows and doors at beef with windows and any openings with windows No, I hate windows for what reason I don't like light. He has beef with the Sun. So that's it That's not the windows fault. That's the core. That's not the windows fault. It's the Sun's fault. That's too shiny You know me chill out. Yes chill out chill out son, right? So you're like anti-ventilation in general I like air. I don't think you do

You're building down Bunker bro. Yeah, but why would I build the windows downstairs and have you know, I mean a thing But they're not real windows if it doesn't matter. I'm it's gonna look real I'm gonna have real a machine that puts in real breezes Right and I'm gonna have a real like, you know, I mean UV Sun thing going on So it's gonna it's gonna look exactly like you would if you were like outside like you know, you know normal house So you would basically just be making like a massive bunker But ask yourself why why why thank you

That's all I want you to do is ask No, no, what I'm saying is this but how do you get your vitamin D? Can I pump that through the window? Or can you take vitamins? Oh Yeah, there's what I can have one of those little dispensers vitamin D tablets. Yeah tablets. Thank you Okay, but but but check it out. All right When you go to the house, it's gonna be a little hill. You're not gonna even know like an anthill No, you don't even know there's gonna there's house there

Right. Yeah, and on the side of this like little tiny hill that I make right is a little like wood like rock area What's like protruding out and then when you when you lift over one of the rock things There's a little door handle and you open it and then there's an elevator I want to ask what your what your fascination is with being like alone. That's it deep underground Like why do you love the idea of being so like isolated and away from everything? Like you always talk about this and I wonder where it comes from. Well, I feel like um, I Think I'm just a loner. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Maybe I'm just like half, you know, I mean Mole, I don't know. Are we invited to this place? No

No, you have to find it. You don't have to find it. Okay. There's no address You know only I know how to get there. Hey door dash, bro. Yeah. Oh fuck. I didn't think of that Hey, why is that door dash guy walking to a middle of a field? Yeah, that's right. Wait, maybe maybe there's a you can build something where yeah question me. Yeah, I like this Okay, so how does there has to be a way where he can lift something to deposit the food and you can bring it down Oh, I know mailbox Okay, what do you mean just a random-looking mailbox above ground open field one mailbox? Yeah, there's a just a blue old-school mailbox there, right? And you just stick the food in there and

There's like a little you know, I mean mechanism that brings it brings it down or it could be one of the old-school laundry shoots I like that, right? But oh, yeah, I know I know I know but your food's gonna get beat up I knew you were gonna ask that I knew you were gonna ask that and I have a solution, right? Go it right So next just fluke, right is a box with padding in it Right stick it in the box close it and then drop it send it down smooth. Well, that still doesn't guarantee a smooth delivery I'm sorry You're gonna get some shit smashed up. I'll get stuff unbreakable and I've seen you I'll get food That's unbreakable. I've seen you throw like rage fits when your food gets like smashed up

Right, what was the last food situation rage? Oh my god last week with the pizza I don't think we know that story. I order a pizza from a pizza place. They brought me everything I order except the pizza You remember that I remember that Hey, we can't pot could we delay the podcast I got everything except the pizza Yeah, yeah, how do you order a fucking pizza from a pizza place and they they get the Diet Coke? Yeah, they got chips the Parmesan packet the party had the Parmesan packets and it's out there And there's no fucking pizza and then I asked her how do I do a refund? Yeah, did you call the guy?

No, he left his several messages. Yo, um folks might be where the fuck's my pizza, man I tip to $30 Yeah, it's bullshit. Yeah, so it happened that stuff happens all the time Oh, that's why you have to know what to order. Like I think uncle Vinny's they never forget shit But it's not necessarily the place sometimes it is the courier It's occurred. I say you say it courier courier. Yeah, I think that sometimes they Bring you they forget stuff in their car or they like mix up the orders with somebody else Well, that's why I do the priority thing now the priority still doesn't guarantee it

I know I know or what sometimes it because our address is a little weird. They'll drop it off in another house I hate when that happens to yeah, that happened to me yesterday. Yeah, I hate it, but yeah, um forget my Can you can I just erase all that stuff? I'm gonna do with all that money. Did it underground thing? Yeah, what's another thing you want to spend that's a lot of work. That's a lot of work It doesn't make any sense and thank you for questioning it. That's ridiculous Okay, I what I would do is with the money is Is You're not a yacht guy

What's a yacht a yacht? Yeah, like you wouldn't be like a carpet fiber It's like basically what's the first thing you buy that you do a selfie with and you post in your IG stories to show people like Oh, can you make a I've asked myself this question late at night. Can you? Make a man-made island. Oh Yeah, in the Middle East in in Dubai I do it all the time, but but not near any continent Like in the middle of the ocean. Yeah, okay where what ocean Indian Pacific Atlantic? Do you have ideas? Is the Bay of Pigs something?

Ocean what yeah, yeah the Bay of Pigs I just like the wood that I don't know where it is I've just heard it before there was a war something that's happened back in the 60s But I want to build it in the Bay of Pigs and how would you build this or under the bridge of the River Kwai Or is there a River Kwai? I need to go to the River Kwai and build something but my point is wait You can just purchase like Guantanamo Bay. Is there an actual Bay in Guantanamo? Maybe there. You know me anyway, go ahead

No, nothing cuz sometimes like you very good question though. Where I say you want a man-made island You don't want to have like maybe an atoll that is forming and it will be an island someday in a couple of years Maybe you can purchase that instead. Well, I would do ocean surveys to see where That's happening. Can you do that or no? Yeah, I think you can where the ocean level is not as hot But it but let me ask you something. I don't know much about islands, but I assume islands are volcanic You know, I mean, I mean unless it's Dubai You can just make whatever shape. Yeah, look at that. That's Dubai. That's all yeah, but it's near attached to a fucking By road

It's yeah, it's by another since it's not a shattered the waters shallower there, right? Yeah, but I want to build a fucking island in the middle of the ocean. Is that possible So super freaking deep it would have to be like a floating island because it would be hard to anchor something into Marianas trench Bobby Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So can you float an island You could float away back over here Yeah, why don't you just buy a boat? That's a floating island. No, I want a fucking island with beaches by a cruise ship No, I want something just to float not let me see if you have a that's a you if you have an island

That's not anchored to anything, right? Would it float? Maybe that's cool. It's like you go to sleep. You wake up I'm like, oh, we're near Hawaii. Yeah, open your eyes again. Oh, I'm in Singapore. I'm in Singapore, right? It could just go wherever you want it to go. How do you park your island? You're gonna cause like, you know, that's all right, right shifts But it's gonna be like a five mile islands all the way around. It's huge. Who's gonna captain this island? Captain. I'm the mayor. No Yeah, I mean, who's going to steer this island? There's no steering mechanism. It's a fucking island just floats where it wants to flow It collides where it wants to yeah, exactly. I don't like it at all. What else are you gonna buy that'd be crazy

How much money do what happens floats to Russia? You have them. Let's say you have 80 billion. No, the power ball Let's make it realistic the power ball right now is at 1.9 billion 1.9 billion billion. That's a power ball right now. I bought tickets last night. I gotta buy tickets I how do you do it? You just go to a gas station pay cash. I bought $50 worth. Okay. I might do this We should all do that's after this. Let's go get a power. Yeah. Is it a ball? It's no, that's what you win Bobby a power ball. No, but how do you buy? Is it a ball by opening? Lottery number lottery tickets and they draw balls With numbers on it. Are they blue? They're what they're white. All right. I want to know you look like a

All right, let's get back on track. All right. Oh my god. Is that what you are? I know blue balls Halloween man guys Oh god, man, what's better blue balls or blueberry blue balls are a myth. They're a myth. Have you ever I'm sorry your horniness pains you boo-hoo. No, it really no, it's real when I was younger. I couldn't walk PMS is a myth. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think blue balls. It's not you don't know the kind of pain It's what kind where does that tell me where it's it's probably worse than your period cramps. Yeah, I would agree I would agree. Thank you. I'll vote with that as well. Like what's that three to one right now? Yeah, yeah It's very painful. It feels like your skin, especially if you have a bone or nothing comes

It feels your skin's about to rip really it's like giving probably the same as childbirth honestly Um for how much was it a billion dollars then a 1.9 billion? Okay, so taxes you'd probably get Well, what I would try to do is probably do something good for the world and um probably clone and try to revive Um Species of animals that are extinct. So Bobby a year ago. Um bought this foot massager and it's a really really fancy one and um A year ago. He bought it, but it only arrived like two weeks ago. Yeah Well, I kept calling they're like well, there's a backlog and we have you know, I mean, it's like and I had my um assistant do it

And you know, it took eight months or seven months to get it here And then you but it's great when you do that because it's like you forget about it And then when it was actually when I actually got into town in the house. I mean, I got really excited I just want to know who has custody over it because I know that it was a gift for me a year ago But then since we broke up. Yeah, how do you guys split all this like how is that mine or is it yours? It's yours It's it's that you know, it's not um It I have wider feet than you it crunches my feet Oh, it crunches mine too. It crunches all of my football. I thought it's supposed to feel good

It doesn't feel good. It's only yeah, you have to really be able to take the pain take the pain of it. Yeah, it's it's it's It's Painful guild. It's painful, but it does work. It does really work. Yeah. Yeah, my feet feel good pretty good, but um Yeah, um You can have it Thank you. Wow. Wow Thank you. That means a lot, but you know that same company does the chair thing too. Maybe shea is that should I get the chair? But they're talking about like five six seven thousand dollars

Geez, you know, I mean for a chair thing like a full-blown chair thing I thought about getting one of those. Yeah, why not? Yeah, yeah But if I billions of dollars I would hire humans to do it Yeah, they see that is one of my so if I were to become stinkin rich tomorrow I would power a ball The one of my splurges for myself would be a live-in masseur or masseuse No, my son is the worst these days because like at night he always like He always wakes up around midnight demanding water and his water bottle is right next to the bed

So he could just learn I haven't taught him how to figure out how to get his water bottle, but then He forces me he you have to like put your hand like arm over him like a seat belt And if you try to lift it off when you think he's sleeping, he just grabs up with both hands like grabs it back down And you just have to sit there for like 30 minutes until you think he's probably asleep To like even yank it away Then he'll cry and wake you and cry Do you want to know something really sad about when I took ketamine? What's the I had my therapist

Just hold me for 90 minutes like not even like oh keep an arm on me or anything like that like I pulled her in she was like full mounted on me. I remember that you were crying like this Like we were in like a full like I was like hanging on to her frightened for 90 minutes the poor lady which is stuck Oh my god, how embarrassing She was probably like this isn't going the way I thought I can promise you she's never had a patient like me Required that much like I needed to be held tight At any time she would kind of move or breathe. I would pull her back in. Oh so sad I mean touch is so important to you. It's my number one physical touches. That's everyone's every every woman wants it

You think so? Oh, yeah, everyone wants not sure my best friend jessica does not like being touched Huh, she's korean too. Yeah, maybe that's korean thing Yeah, she just doesn't like being touches like the bottom of her list It's just boring It is. I mean, let's just be honest. It's just a real boring activity I just like laying down touching and making out Yeah, that's good in the first couple of two or three years all the time I love it. It's boring. It's there's got to be other things involved

Like an el mariachi thing or like, you know, I mean there's got to be involved like, you know, I mean Some CGI. I don't know man. I don't want to do but it's like I I don't like it It's just a lot of just laying there and just Yeah, you're right. I don't like it. It's like what the fuck because he likes to wrestle and he likes to engage like physically So if if touching for him is like he has to either like punch me in the pussy No, no, no has to like if fighting for position. I'll do that. Yes. You always you're into that Yeah, I'll fight for position or he does this thing in terms of do a little game. Yeah, that's quality. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah That's quality time. That's why he likes like if I can get my right hand closest to her

I armpit before she makes You know what I mean? It's like stop that like that's a game. We do torture tech Yeah, I mean, you know, I mean if I can I get put her in a leg lock You know what I mean and see how far I can squeeze. Did you just love challenges? Yeah, I love little challenges and things so if you know if You want to hug and you want to cuddle Those things are involved, baby. Maybe you can do it on a mat To my jiu-jitsu gym

Dude, that's it. I should have a fucking wrestling mat or jiu-jitsu gym in my bed next to my bed Right, so that that you want to cuddle let's put on your gi You got to put on a gi to cuddle me Choo-choo ship station coming to you The most wonderful time of the year is also the most heck time of the year. Can we not agree with that? Everyone puts off shopping until the last minute and if you have an online store like we do You know the feeling of getting hit with a ton of orders at once. Hey guys tiger belly. We have a online store We have great merch and we use ship station. It's the best

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And it's really affordable. For example, it's four dollars a dose Yep, so that's like less than a cup of coffee couple coffee. Yeah, right now roman has a special offer for our listeners Use this link to get 20 off your first order. Just go to ro.co slash belly today. That's ro.co slash belly for 20 off I think in that it's interesting because I think in the beginning of a relationship you do certain things that are against I can't even believe i'm saying this but This is gonna throw 90 percent of women listening to this. I'm gonna date this guy, but um a lot of it is you know, um Because you want them to like you

You know, and um, you're you're trying to get in you're more pleasing. Yeah, and you're trying you do things that are against your nature wait, so um Would you say you are not? Well, I guess no one is but like are you at like 80 percent yourself? Like what i'm trying to ask is how much of who you present in the beginning is truly you? I think essentially it is truly me in terms of my humor Yeah, in terms of like what I like and what I don't like because I'll say this you definitely fooled me about the physical touch Oh my god in the beginning. Yeah

You could not get your hands like off of me Right every step I took you were snapping pictures of me awake asleep in the bathroom Anytime like you were obsessed with my body You could not like anytime that I would be away or even i'm like i'm going home to long beach You'd be like no you're not You're gonna stay right here and then you just always and when we were in public you always wanted to hold So I was like oh, he is such a like I used to tell people he is so affectionate I can't get enough of his affection

And then it's just all went away. It's through time though. Now. It wasn't an overnight thing Uh, no, it was pretty drastic. It was like after a year you were like, all right got her baited her Like now it's like it went from like that to no cuddles at all. It's funny that you say that because now i'm not doing it You're not you've learned I think I've learned well were your ex-girlfriends Did they say that about you as well? We were like you were very affectionate and then it went away. No But also my I had only been in a relationship for two years Right, right. Yeah, but um, but in terms of like, um I think right now i'm setting different kind of boundaries so that that doesn't happen again

So I think i'm more essentially myself, you know, that's good. Yeah. Yeah Like in terms of like cuddling. I'll do it but like, um I mean I the well, there's this one girl that I really like that I'm kind of dating and she um She took an eye booger out of my eye You liked it. No, and then I go and she got up went to her kitchen and threw it in the trash can Right, how big was this she wasn't even that big and I'm in my head. I'm like, that's weird, right walk to the trash And then

I think our first date I scraped like at the coffee shop I was like, did you just wake up and I scraped it off your eye. Yeah And then um, she did it again like every couple hours. I don't know there. It was a hair Wow, it's a hair on on her couch and she she went to the and I go And that this is gonna stop so I plucked a hair out of my head and put it on and I put on her bed And I go this has to be here As long as you had out of that challenge go I don't know That sounds more like a compulsion on her part, right? Like she it's like no, she's just cleanly

Her house is very cleanly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, but to throw someone's eye booger in the trash can It's a little extreme. Yeah, I just you just flick it in the air and let it like, you know Well, you find it a cute. I think it's cute. Yeah, it's a little I think you're you have similar quirks like that Yeah, I like quirks. I got a poo. Okay. Sorry. Sorry guys All right, we're back from Bobby's poo. How was it? It's pretty good. Um I have to like, um entice it to come out sometimes. How do you entice it at one of the water? Oh, you used to bidet first. Yeah

Wait, so you sat down not knowing for sure if it was going to come out or not. My stomach my stomach My stomach my stomach is um a little achy and so um And you can feel like I'm about to poo but nothing was coming out So sometimes you need to knock on the door like when Gandalf knocked on Frodo The billbows door for the first time You know for the party, you know, whatever you mean sometimes you have to do that Knock knock knock. I'm in town, right? And then sometimes, you know, the door opens and he goes, I'm coming out to play That's exactly what happened just now outside. Oh, so you're knocking. Okay

You turn on the bidet and it tickles your butthole stimulates it this bidet It's pretty good. But um, you know the one that we that was sponsored sponsored us. What was the one? Toshi Toshi that spray It's not even just a knock What is it like a Toshi's like an entry like a SWAT team. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah that we know you're in there I think You know, you I think you might be a bidet expert because when you stayed at my place Um, you were like what but what brand bidet is that because it's my favorite one. Oh, that was a very good brand

Is it the total? Yeah, it's a total one. Yeah Yeah, that's a very good because I can adjust the strength of the spray temperature temperature all that stuff I mean the one we have now right now is the most Intricate the Kohler. I think it's the best one The one we have upstairs is a great one and I don't want to downplay that one I'm just saying that like the Toshi one is just a spray If I lived like, you know in the mountaintops or you know, we're wherever in a place That's not in the city. You know what I mean and I had that that would do

Well, it doesn't have the precision It doesn't have the heat temper like the temperature options and it doesn't have like the Kohler one has the Do you want a spiral or do you want a straight shot or do you want a more like coverage? I like the pulsating one Oh when I need the one that goes that's so pinpoint right into my asshole. That's the one I love It's like a laser. It's a laser right into the asshole. It's like what they use on star trek It's it's not water. It's yeah, it's an asshole. Yeah, but it's a really good one But anyway, um

The door was closed and the water opened it. Wow. And then what did it look like was it? I don't look at it. I don't like, you know, I don't do a show and that really is not good for survival hardstool soft Soft for sure because I told you it's not good You know, but um, oh, I've had some not good hard where you're in pain. We're screaming. They call that tubul I got tubul all day. You don't want a tubul baby tubul really hurts. You have like like blood streaks on it Good of the questions. Okay. Uh, this are some fan questions. Uh, people submitted on our tiger belly instagram We'll start with this first one. This is Menul de Silva. He asks what's on bobby's current music playlist and same question for you

He asked bobby No, yes you first same to you. How about you guys alternate songs? Don't be anything you can't to be honest. You can't just be like make it sound cool Like what have you actually been listening to? I mean The new albums I've been listening. I've been listening to tom o'dell's new album Which is like kind of more piano based simple some of the what I like about that album It's like some of the music doesn't really it's it's weird. It sounds like more Like they'd be more instrumental piano pieces, but then he sings over it's just interesting

There's two songs in there. I kind of like one of them. It's called monday. It's a good song Tom o'dell is a stud. He's a pretty good guy. I don't know personally But I assume, you know, um, what else am I listening to? Um I'm listening to I'm going back a little bit last weekend I had I wanted to listen to the weezer blue album and pinkerton again So I did that for two straight days. I really like this new band and not just new band It's not she's been around for a while, but she's incredible. She goes by way as blood So freaking good and then I really love I hate to say it the chris brown song under the influence

I haven't heard that one yet Oh, is that good? I just find it like it's kind of sexy. So my mine is all over the place I mean 15 hours ago. You did listen to never really over by katie parry Wait, no, that was last night with the girls in the car with jewels and and my knees um, but Will you subscribe do you listen to my I love your playlist more weird this album right here by ol rick snouse He's like a kind of like a on biancai strange a strangely isolated place is the album

From beginning to the end. It's just it's my jam. And it's like the soundtrack to my life right now Oh, fyi and there's another one too. Um, if you may if we may, um Here's another soundtrack to my life is nils You like you like nils from yeah, but this album guys listen If you want sad and like just simple. No, no not even sad. I think nils from is Genius. No, he is but this specific album I'm saying You know this because this specific album. It's called. Um screws

You know and let me just play a little bit. Can we or no? No, you can't okay But it's sad. It's super sad and nice and moody, but you know, but that's what I've been listening to. Um And then we oh, there's another one called. Um, it's um, it's by dijon. It's called the dress I'm obsessed. Oh and I thought that was a mustard. I also I was a mustard No, and then another song by on dara called saying goodbye. I listened to on repeat. That's like my emo cry song though Yeah, there's really like a lot of emo songs. I do. I know I hop all over the place I don't like when people are like, I don't like Cool music types. I I want to like have the freedom to listen to the spice girls and

And I want to also have the freedom to like whatever the hell I want to without like shame around whether or not like I have cool taste in music Um, this is we have a question from mike cables underscore cables If you could take over anyone's life in the whole world, who would you be? Putin interesting I don't know. I think he has a lot of power. You just like I like his hairstyle. You know what I mean? Tell the truth the hairstyle. Yeah the hairstyle. Um, I love palaces. I love palaces

no, um, he I would probably take over a job where like A place like russia and try to like reinvent it You know, I mean and just pull I would have pulled I'd probably pull out of ukraine if I was putin Right and I would like just do a complete Turnaround that's an interesting scenario. Yeah, it's you're still bobby. You're just in the body of putin Imagine me in the body like that'd be like so cool. Is putin at like a comedy club right now do you stand? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh that I don't know my friends. I know my friends. Yeah, I'm a fat Pikachu

No, I know because I would have my own accent. Yeah, I would sound like me right now It's still your voice but his yeah, I would just be inside him, right? And they're like, whoa The kremlin's now a comedy store Since the the ukrainian president was a comedian Oh, right a comedy off. No, what what I do is I would turn the kremlin into the comedy store Russia, right and the my opening weekend The headliner is Zelensky So that's how you night. Yeah. Yeah, I don't think he would do it though

I think I imagine he'd be like you were just bombing you killed so many of my people like a month ago I'm not gonna head on your club It's a bit you're gonna give something about how now it's time to heal the divide and you know, right? You're gonna say all the right things, but if not him If not, then who would I like you know what? Also, I would I would have George as my poker We're so for your comedy store Russia. Yes comedy store. Well, I have to call Peter shore and stuff It's like if I can you know franchise it franchise it out in Moscow Yeah, yeah, but if we can right I would go I'm looking I'm thinking about George as my booker

So I can just get you out of here But but you'll be there with me and you'll live with in a palace with your wife and your kids Oh, wow, you know, you're gonna get like I'm gonna stoke you out then you you might even get a province You know what I mean like what the hell do Gilbert and I yet? You're here We got to hold on the podcast you hold on the podcast man But so well who would be booked if I call you I go Yeah, man Zelensky's out. He just doesn't trust me. I'm sorry. It's just you're this voice with poody

On a horse. You're on a horse. It's calling George Maybe I should try to do an accent right try your best Did you say Mayway Mayway Mayweather Yeah Book him book Floyd Mayweather do a Russian accent see if I could I like Evelyn salt you a russian spy You're a russian spy. All right, george You know with Zelensky Zelensky. He he pulled out Yeah, who do we get?

Uh, well, we get everybody from uh From this full because that was my kind of my class of uh open micers except I'm not sure any of them remember You know, that's what we get What else do we get across the strada kiss the strada? Okay, we've got it So that would be our first week. Mexicans to open the first Moscow. You crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy They're the great uniders Oh, that's true, but I wouldn't fly them. They can they can hop up borders They can sneak through

Wouldn't they be able to do that? Yeah, they're resourceful. Yeah, but I would probably do that as as uh, Uh, Putin, what else would I do? Um, you know how they love mcdonald's? Yeah in russia Well everywhere, right, but what I would do is I would just open it up to I get I would call in-and-out burger Because it's it's a superior burger I would have some like hi-ho or some like, you know, I mean upper, you know, echelons in terms of hamburgers I would open up. Um pretty cool restaurants there, man. But there's no more mcdonald's in russia, right? They close it down. Yeah, okay Yeah, yeah, and people are bummed

Like mcdonald's in russia is like a high-end thing Like you save your money and you look forward to going yeah That's like in the philippines when like kenny rogers roasters. Yeah made it to manila And I lived in saboo like when we would fly over to manila. It was always like kenny rogers Yes, yeah, and like when I came here to america. I was like, where's like Where's the kenny rogers and like there was never a kenny rogers here? You mean this country singer? No, kenny rogers roasters. He had a restaurant in philippine. Does he own it? Kenny rogers the fucking country singer or you know, what's really big in the philippines like ggi fridays

Like that is like, you know fine dining. That is I mean like yeah, like when I it's just like it's an american thing It's an american staple. So people view it differently the way as opposed to how we see it over here over here We're like oh tgi fridays. Yeah, right. It's like mcdonald's here is like I've peed on so many mcdonalds Like I laid at night when I'm like, I gotta pee and that's like a place where I just pee on the building You know, I don't give a fuck It's like it's not like it's the bottom of the barrel Right in terms of food in america. No What's the bottom of the barrel in terms of out going out to eat like fast food places any restaurant

So I guess Tiquitos at at 7-eleven like but that's not a restaurant. I'm saying in terms of restaurants What's the box fast food probably would be mcdonalds? Yeah, I would put like carls jr. Under that. Oh really? I don't know. Yeah egg rolls. Who's had the most salmonella? Jack in the box in the box. Dude. I got the worst food poisoning from wendy's Wendy's delicious. Wendy's is so good though. What do you get at wendy's the chili and also they have chili at wendy's That's what that dude bro, bro the fries in the bro bro, bro Bro, that's the craziest thing I've ever heard of my life. Do they have fucking chili?

Yeah, they do have the best chili at wendy's. That's what they're known for their chicken edge and their frosties Oh frosties and fries frosties and fries and chili. That's a me frosties. Yes. Yeah, but I would do they have taco bell in russia? Uh, I don't think Mexican food is big overseas because yeah My friend tried to like start the first Mexican restaurant in uh, taiwan when he was over teaching english there and it didn't go anywhere Yeah, it's so funny because I had a remember I went to a place called chimichangas and in um Hungary And it's called chimichangas. Yeah, and I'm like, oh a little taste from home

Well, mexico I was walking by and I got all you hear And I and I got like they're traditional. That's what it says. I didn't read what was in it And I opened it up and it was ground beef and french fries Oh, you mean they took a tortilla fried it with ground beef And then also the cheese that you would get at like, you know Vans for dipping like government cheese government cheese. Yeah. Yeah, it was terrible I have um, but isn't the chimichanga an american made thing say the chimini the chimichanga is Gotta be from mexico. No, it's not. I think I'm pretty sure it's american made

All it is. All the best mexican food is american Mexican food. Yeah, all it is the fucking burrito fried You know, you don't think the fucking mexicans at one point went what we have the burrito boom one guy didn't go Let's fucking fry it chimichang is a deep-fried burrito that is common in texmex and other southwestern u.s. Cuisine Where was it original? Where was the original Mexico the original fusion food the first chimichanga was made in mexico when i'm sure Or I always just thought certain things like like burritos and like bigger things like bigger serving things were like

That's an americanized mexican food like the nachos bug ronde delicious. Yeah, that's definitely american So I think the burrito is mexican. I think the tacos mexican burrito. Yeah. Yeah, so let's just get put that day Let's put that the rest. Yeah, that's not yet crazy Um, but that's what I would do what else in I also probably put out disneyland or like a magic mountain russia They do they have any amusement parks? I doubt it doesn't seem like there is. I mean would he allow that? Yeah, you'd amusement parks We didn't grow up with amusement parks So roller coasters was such a novel thing when you first came here So I didn't grow up at this one. I'm like terrified of them

But there was one like there was like a traveling circus Came to my island and they would bring like like a makeshift pool and put these sad dolphins in there And you could like pet the dolphins, but there was this one ride. They called the octopus Yeah And I swear to you like this is the most unsafe thing it was just like fling you in all directions out of the water No, no none the water. It was like a roller coaster ride called the octopus the octopus And then like if you hear my mom like her one of her biggest traumas like core wounds in her life Like ask her like what is a terrible memory for you? She'll be like, I never want to ride the octopus

Really? That's funny. It's always the octopus. Yeah, like she it was so traumatizing for all of us It's like the indian roller coaster. I showed you do you see that? It's gonna call you so much trauma It just happened. What do you mean? Yeah, the indian. Oh god, just saw the news articles No, watch play the video. I don't want to see it. I want to put the guys on. Okay, you guys. No one dies Oh, no, I was just gonna ask about uh, yeah, that's it that look at this. Look at this shit right here I don't I don't know. Can you go um, you gotta get the sound

It's that thing go go big screen Oh Yeah, he made me watch this shit. Did not like yo, yo, what? Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo Yo, dude, dude, that how does no one die? I know but That would have been the greatest ride If you survived it Like like you would think about it. Maybe was it traumatic or like that was a great ride

I almost died are two ways to that. Yeah. What would you feel? Would you never what we're not the right ride another roller coaster again is a part of me? Look, that's traumatized and that's terrible Yeah, I would say that's kind of like survive that shit. Yeah, and you have a story Yeah, that's a story and you can always go to youtube and go look at look. I was on that dude That's that's fucking crazy though. Yeah, I would never ride anything. You're smiling so much I feel you you kind of want to be in one of those situations, huh? Like you're that guy that wanted the roller coaster to get stuck in a loop so you can talk about it No, dude me. I'm so sensitive

Are you crazy? You're smiling so much watching that thing fall. My words. You're just like, yeah. Oh, yeah, that's like he Disaster porn. That's his thing. That's horrifying. It is horrifying. It's a horrifying event. That's a horrifying It's a horrifying terrible. One of the most terrible things I was Kind of close to was I was at Long Beach or Long Beach date at this time. I was taking a biology class there class there and all of a sudden you heard like a bunch of fire trucks come through and then they

You you found out later that there was a girl who got stuck between two Floors on the elevator and she panicked and she could see a little like sliver of space Between each floor where she was like, oh, I'm just going to crawl Into that space. So she tried to but then the elevator started moving. Oh my god, and it like cut her body No, everyone in that building like heard the scream. Did she die? She died and I was right in the build I was like just a couple The building right next door Yeah, even witnessing something like that like if I was like a elevator, you know, I mean

Uh, what do you call them attendant attendant like in those old school like uh, 1950s. What floor sir? Yeah, that guy. Yeah, I mean, what do you call those guys a bell bell hop? That's the guy that takes the luggage up. Yeah. Um I just elevator elevator Like then like then the royal tendon bombs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Pagoda. Pagoda. Yeah. Yeah If I if I witnessed that even a woman being sliced in half I would probably have to go away for like a year same. Yeah, that would fuck me up Oh my god, what do you know about me and elevators Bobby? You love them. I don't take them. That's right

I don't care if it's I guessed wrong That's right. You hate them. I hate them. Yeah. What do you hate about them? I have to be on like when I if it's like a sketchy elevator I have to be on my phone with somebody just became an elevator in case anything goes wrong I've been stuck in I just terrified of them if there's nine flights Well, you've been stuck in elevator. We had to call that little at Kaiser Permanente on sunset. Yes. Well, you're in hospital That's cool. How long are you stuck? You know what I mean if I get hurt what not even that long like honestly five minutes

Probably but I was freaking the fuck out because I always think that something is gonna happen When I was younger I went to a swim meet in Jakarta, Indonesia And it was hotel. I think it was like Muli or something like that and it was a very high building and we were I the elevator dropped suddenly because like a new construction and the elevator dropped suddenly like five Floors and then the lights went out and I that was a childhood Thing that happened to me and ever since then I'm like, oh nine flights. I'll take those stairs I'm not gonna take that ride. So I'm terrified of elevators Yeah, me too. No, you're not you have no fear in life. I have a fear of that

What are you afraid of Bobby in an elevator? You know that hatchet above? I'm always afraid of that thing the door The door why because I feel like if that opens Someone dressed like Hannibal Lecter is gonna Come down. Do you remember that? Yeah. Yeah that hatchet But you know what? That hatchet also if you've seen action movies, sometimes the hero will climb up that thing saves the person Right. Yeah, how do you even I because whenever I see that hatchet that there's no way I can reach I'm so small. You can never I can't be a hero if you're a hero in a movie. I can't be here in that way

Yeah, yeah, there's no way unless somebody was there a boost you boost you would boost me. Yeah, no, you're taller. You go up I don't want to go up. I don't even want it. I'm not even in there. Right. She's walking. Yeah, I'm walking I'm taking those stairs like even in diehard like when he had to walk barefoot through that broken glass Like I would have never done that ridiculous. I'm not a hero You know, I mean, I would have been like, ah, it's not worth it Yeah, but you're kind of a thrill seeker. You are not somebody who's afraid of a lot of things Like I fear a lot of things, but you you have no fears at all like what I have so many fears No, like you're so bold when you drive like you just you just

You have a reckless abandon about here. I wish I had more typical things. Are you gonna would you skydive? No, no, no, okay. So then no, but I don't I think it's just because you're the one that jumped off cliffs in the Philippines and stuff I don't go to the cliff jumping thing. Oh, I'm terrified of those things. But you still do it I I do it because am I ever there with you? No, but that's just lazy. No, it's because I don't want to do it No, I don't think you want to walk. No, I I I don't even want the fucking scenario of somebody challenging me to do it That's why I don't do it. Oh, because then you will do it. I'll have to do it Yeah, because you'll challenge my ego and then like, you know, I'll hit a fucking coral reef

But here I'll tell about this scenario But if I were to let's say airlift you to that spot of Of where where I jumped. Yeah, there was no effort involved. There's no hike You know, you had all the food you wanted you would jump the hiking part. I like I just want the option of I don't like that option Of jumping up of jumping off a thing. I just can't imagine you're afraid of heights or anything. Yeah, I don't like it Oh, really? I mean I'll go on to the the tallest building in the world and look over

Yeah, but you're not afraid of roller coasters like any of them Yeah, because nothing's gonna happen the odds of a roller coaster that happen see the India Yeah, I'm not gonna go to India. I don't go to India to do the fucking roller coasters. I don't do any I don't know ride their horses. Yeah I wouldn't do anything there. Do I wouldn't like you mean do any of it skateboard nothing I just doesn't seem safe to me there horses. Yeah, the raw the roads are too bumpy You know, I mean, it just doesn't I look at my environment, you know Like I've done that like thing at you don't even look at your own poo

Yeah, that's honestly that that is a weird thing You look at your poo every fucking time every time. What is there to see? poo You cut the peanut Yeah, okay I like to know the shape. I like to know the density. I like to know like there's certain things I can deduce from How you know about my body based on poo

If I felt something metallic How do you feel like oh, I'm bleeding or something coming out like a Matchbox car or you know something coming out that felt unnatural. I would take a gander Right, I would be like that didn't feel right. Let me yeah, I mean that felt like a marble I mean, I would look at it and go. Oh, there's a marble in my fucking poo, right? But it felt like if it felt like traditional Old school. Oh, yeah roundabout classic classic poo. I'm not gonna look he has he does have a point then I guess Thank you so much. You look at your poo every time not every time. Yeah, sometimes. I just know what it is right, you know

Yeah, if I feel like maybe the odds of there being blood I'll look But other than that no, not really Do you put look at your own poo? No, I usually do a courtesy flush and then uh, what's a courtesy for you bow or something while it's coming down Plop flush. Oh, I see. Thank you for leaving. Yeah. Thank you. You did like a courtesy or something My wife is a super smeller. I gotta be I gotta be careful, you know plop flush And use the guest bathroom. I have she gets the poop in the regular bathroom the master bathroom

I have to get poop in the guest bathroom. I you know what I was talking to So see last night and I think I'm ready to enter my filthy girl era Like I've always prioritized hygiene my whole life in the way. I smell how I present myself during sex I always have to be like fully showered and I think I've I've fucked myself out of fun experiences because I'm always so conscious about Like my cleanliness And I really want to learn to let that all go and just be a filthy girl and trust that whoever is attracted to me is going to Gobble me up regardless if there's you know specks of shit in my asshole No

No, no Wait, have you always liked like, you know, do you like girls to be clean or do you not care? Like when you're in it and you're attracted to somebody like it doesn't matter, right? You're saying gobble up like I'm not like A smell will throw me off. I agree a smell will determine a lot of things You know, it's like Your hair it depends on how hot you are. That's what I'm saying. So if there's full attraction, I don't think it matters Yeah, I want to be that fully attractive person dirty or clean and for him to be like fuck

Yeah, like let me just get up. You know what I mean? Like I want that Right because Esther she makes such a good point Esther is like no, I want to be with a person who I want to eat Like the the most disgusting burger like come off of a 12 hour flight and him just be like You know hungry for me Like he just wants to be filthy and I'm like, oh shit like that is kind of hot But I've never that I'm never that why I'm so like rigid about cleanliness like who's the most beautiful like gal godot Oh, yeah, come on gal godot. Like if I was like, oh my god, she's gonna let me eat her vagina Say she's not a good wiper

Right and if I looked at her vagina and there was an actual poo in her vagina. I would eat it Okay, just the poo. This is helpful. No because it's like it's like You know, I just wonder woman. I would even do this with my hands You know me beautiful vagina, you know what I mean and vagina would win Right. Yeah, but if it was like, I don't want to shame anybody but like Rosie O'Donnell beautiful lady Great, she's funny. I think very talented That's things better be as clean as a fucking Yeah, you know brand new car whistle. Yeah. Yeah

It I'm just gonna be yeah, I have to smell new car smell. You gotta That's gotta be there. Yeah, that's a brand new Subaru Gil like what about you if you really like love someone you're just fully attracted to them like do you care? I'm okay. You know that smell like you're going down to a girl and it's like that kind of urine taste I'm okay with that, but it's a year I've never tasted urine. Thank you. It described that to me. You mean is it the copper taste? It's like copper, but then sometimes, you know, p is on the pubic hair sometimes from wiping that I'm okay

Let's just say this Let me just say if I smell you know, let me say if there's if you can see droplets of p on the pubic hair Bye. Bye. Uh hydration. Look what I don't want. Hydration. What I don't want is I just cannot do poo Like he said one smell can shift it. I don't care if you're a gal. Good. Oh, but here's what you're saying Here's what you're telling me is like, yeah, there are times where I don't have access to a shower And maybe I just peed and maybe there's still a little bit of like P I don't mind that. I love you for that. See that's what I want But you want us to gobble up your poo. I don't want to do that. No, I'm not intentionally

I don't want you to eat my poo But if like let's say there was a sloppy day and I'm like he really wants to fuck And I'm like, I am so like, you know, I just you know the wipe wasn't and he's gonna be like, yeah Fuck yeah, babe. I don't give a fuck. I want to just have you regardless. Like that's what I want I'm gonna be like, yeah, let's just kiss And then you'll clean yourself disgusting or what about you? I'm fine with any vagina smell, but not poo smells. That's uh, give me all the vagina smells. Yeah, all of them Any of them are fine

All of it may be at least four vaginas urine Because I think there's one or two, but like let's see if all of them it seems to indicate Urine, but what are all of them the ones urine, copper Sometimes nickel. I know it sounds weird, but no, yeah when we're on our periods. It smells metallic. That's what I meant the copper So that's under one umbrella. Okay, so slightly sweaty. That's fine. Hell. Yeah, he's fine with me kind of hot Yeah, because I like sweaty balls I love like I like man stink if I'm attracted to you. I like all of the smells

Interesting like why can't you Like because I'm like, why don't I offer myself that same? Like like I love when I'm attracted to someone and they're stinky. I'm like, fuck yeah, I like it But I feel not that way about myself Anyway, he's the third pussy smell I don't know. I don't even I don't classify him because I don't mind. Yeah, I'm very good. Very good But Clalette clean your butt My butt is squeaky fucking clean always, but I would I would I'm trying to not keep it squeaky clean anymore

This just gave me the I I don't know why this popped into my head, but I read like there was a Thoreau book like he's the travel writer I forget which Thoreau it was He was at an island in the like near the Samoan Islands where the women women would rape the men And they would get the men hard. They'd be like five women. What island is that? I don't know We're not necessarily attractive women. They don't care what it was They would tackle the man hold him down to be like five women

And then if he didn't get hard one of them would just get on top of him put it Put a vagina right in his face until he got hard And that that wouldn't get that wouldn't get me hard. They said it worked Vagina no matter what no matter what the smell these women probably didn't worry about their smell. They were like I'm just gonna get it there and tell it until it gets hard. It is hot If that was is that a thing women raping men I it was in a book. Yes, of course Was it paul thoreau? Which is the travel writer volume nine? Oh, hold on I don't know, but it's one of the it's definitely popping up occasionally. That's interesting

Yeah, I don't know. I mean if a woman raped me. I don't think I would say play the context It's an island full of women raping you. I love it. Vagina smashing in your face. Oh, I love it Yeah, I don't think you would carry there. I wouldn't have a whistle or anything I wouldn't as soon as you jump with the alley you throw the whistle in the ocean. Yeah, let's go I wouldn't yell fire or nothing. Yeah, yeah That'd be amazing It's not working on this guy. He's just Yeah, just wait wait

Now I'm wondering, you know, I'm I'm a married man, but like could I get away with it? Like just go to this island Hey, I was I was just a tourist They held me down. It was I couldn't help it at all. Is that could could your spouse get mad at that? Yeah, that's what I mean. He bought the ticket to go there. It's the world's the beautiful island the world's famous rape island Rape island is beautiful majestic waterfalls, you know There I'm going for this snorkeling. I promise Rape is bad on every level. Let's let him joke about it. No, it's not us. All right, final one. This is from

Epitiado 91 What is your least favorite area in San Diego? why What is your least? I have an answer. You go first Probably PB What's PB for people? Pacific Beach why it's ecology drinky kind of beach town. You know me at night a lot of bros a lot of bros skateboards

I've had some trauma happening in PB. Oh, yeah, I imagine you of all people would give me a PB story All right, the worst trauma ever had was um There was this kid that I went to high school with and his name was Chris I want to get a says last time Anyway at the time like I turned them on to like pretty good feel cool music Mm-hmm. I turned them on to like Roxy music and some stuff like that And so later like in his 20s. He became like one of the main guys at 91 X which is The cool alternative station there. Mm-hmm, and then when I was 23 I

We we would have to make tickets to sell shows So I would I convinced the comedy store to make the tickets look like real professional tickets So that and put money on like a value on the ticket. So people would get more excited To see if it works better than flyer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you go Here's a free ticket and it says $10 on it. So you came up with that. Yeah, you're so smart Well, because I couldn't get stage time was only way to do it So me and my friend Jonathan every Wednesday at the store. We would sell it out, but we would have to like Go to like at the time there was a thing called Jack Murphy Stadium

I think it's something else now where the Padres played and we would do tailgating when people would tailgate I would just we would just go through the whole parking lot and pass out these flyers. I mean these tickets But oh, so anyway, I was at the PB some sort of street fair and 91 X had a booth, right? And I wanted tickets and I saw Chris there and I go could I put my tickets on your 91 X table? And he goes no one's gonna watch that stupid show or some some Condescending thing like that. And then he goes no It wouldn't help me, you know, that's a stupid story, but See wait, it's like maybe you got beat up by some bros. No that no that hurt the most. Oh, wow

They if you if when it comes to my dream Damn, that's the one thing. I was talking to somebody about this the other day I go I've done so many scandalous things in defense of my dream like I'm willing to cheat Lie fuck over for stage time Not I mean anything that revolves around my That I will do anything. That's your number one. I wouldn't kill anybody But I come close to it And I've seen other comics like, you know, I mean like when when comics bump other comics and that thing comes out like I

Know I understand what that is. It's like this is my thing man. This is the only thing I'm living for is it because they're you You feel the most amount of love when you're up there and adoration Like is it such a? It's my only hope for survival Like this you're defending right like you so you're almost defending this one thing, which is stage time But what is it about stage time that you feel like I need? Like you cannot come between me and stage time. Is it the feeling that you have when you're up there?

Or is it the fact that this is your livelihood and that money is going to be on it? It's not just yeah, it's two things. Yeah, all right. That's closely related to it And this is sounds so fucking primitive Money, it's a security and pussy Just security right all that stuff is wrapped around that whole idea of a dream And so I feel like I have to protect it at all costs and I have to do anything. I can to do it like I'm not gonna name any names but this weekend

a bigger comedian, right? You know what I mean was at the store and some guy that works there just works there was talking shit And this bigger comedian took action, right? There were some physicalities that involved was involved, but I side with the bigger comedian because I understand what that is You know, I mean you have someone talking shit ruining your reputation. You know, I mean and if it carves into that dream You know, I mean and it's like I when they when it turns I've seen George Lopez Strangle out Carlos Mencia

That's all a part of that dream. George is not a violent man. Yeah, I mean, but you're you're stealing jokes. You know, I mean, that's like Yeah, and this is before George was George Lopez. I mean, he was a Up-and-coming guy, you know, and I seen that all the time. So I just feel like um, I'm not saying it's justified And I'm not even saying that it's a good thing. You know, I mean, it's just an honest truth and then here's a fun one I'm just out of curiosity. This is a philosophical question This is from Hale 75 Underscore, how many holes does a straw have? Think about it A straw a straw one two two

Oh, yeah, how many holes is that's it's that's that's it. Yeah. Yeah. There's two holes Kalyla, I don't understand the question How many holes does the straw have I can see the argument for one and I'd like to I would like to see you guys I mean, of course, I'm gonna say two But it is Two but it is technically just one tunnel Right. So it's one hole. I think it's one hole. It's one hole with two entries

Like your is it your mouth and your asshole? Is that one hole or two? It's just one hole digestive tract That's well now that will you say that but see they do two different they do connect, right? You're gonna fuck my mind up right now. Think about that. Do you have one hole? It's one tube when someone's But you're doing a blow job. Are they also? It's multiple holes, um, but I don't know if the hole of the fucking pee hole is connected to the butthole It well, I'll tell you, you know, I mean if I knew the signs behind it Then I could answer that question right now. I have two holes. I think I I think bobby's right

I think a straw has two holes. There's an exit and an entry hole along one tube That's the way to look at it. You're right. It's two holes my original thing Wow, but it's something I'm gonna think about for the rest of my life But if you look at it down this way if you flip the straw and you're looking down perspective It's just one hole But they're these if you look through one hole like if you're looking down to up. It's just one. Yeah, but the hole Is the actual entry? Is it it? Yes. Yes. So there's two holes

How do you I mean, I don't know Well, I was trying to think if you squished it then it looks like a donut is that then one hole Is it just exactly so a long gated donut is a donut two holes or one hole? um, that's why it's like Oh my god, that's interesting now. We're yeah In a donut situation probably one hole but also a donut is not a tube Yeah, but there is still a little bit of a division there where there is a tube Not it's a short tube from what you guys are saying philosophically you're saying a tube is what defines a hole

it's Just saying I think of a hole as an entryway You know or an exit Right, that's how I think of holes Okay, right. So it like an orifice say for instance an orifice a mouth an ear Um an asshole. Those are all holes to me along one continuous Tunnel maybe yeah, and also when you say black holes in space You don't see hole. There's a black holes up there. It's a black hole, but there is another end

I saw interstellar Right or no, is there when you go through a black hole, is there an exit point? Yes, so in reverse there would be another black hole going the other way But it is called black holes not but they don't call black holes. That's something different. That's something different Black holes is something different. I think the answer. I love that website It's a beautiful website take up black holes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I think um it The answer is not gonna it's not gonna come from a philosopher or a scientist

It's gonna be the person who defines the word hole like someone who is Like a word person. What do you call that? I honestly it's one of those questions. You can never there's no way to win the argument Yeah, that go in circles. You can go in circles Right. Do you think we can a circle makes a hole a hole. You're right. This is great. A circle is not a hole I can draw a circle on a paper That doesn't make it a hole Well, see now you're adding a layer that you're now defining a hole to have a purpose. No a hole is something that's 3d Something that you can yeah, like it's real life. It's not a drawing on paper

Like if I I see a dirt field and I you know, I mean I dig a hole That's a hole Right, but if I dig so deep and it ends up in the china Right Then the third two holes I gotta watch the movie holes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, right man to dig a hole from here and end up in china What if that was a thing? I mean, it's theoretically possible. Why hasn't someone tried that with technology like Elon Musk

Like could we not try that but you'd have to go to the core through the core though It's super hot. I heard say you avoid the core Yeah, there's like metallic fluid going in a circle at a million miles per hour. There's just no way There's no way Yeah, I don't think it's even theoretically possible. Is it theoretically possible. Do you think there's no way? To what like if super there was a superman who wants to know can you dig a hole from here? Yeah, it's the other side of the world and end up in china I'm sure you could no you can't

I'm she's not well. I'm not Okay, if we're talking about like I mean people are like mining the seabed, right? There's no fucking way to do it There's no way because the center of the it's not like the center of the fucking earth is solid Oh Because of the ocean is what gets makes it complicated You can no one's thinking of the fucking ocean how you're gonna dig a hole through an ocean No, if you're in the middle of montana. Yeah, there's no ocean there

Okay, so where are we starting and where are we ending montana or we're not crossing the pacific this way What do you tell what you're gonna do a side hole? Wait a second. You think it we're just one giant landmass. No, what I'm saying is are you a flat earth or callila? No, yeah, that's what you're I think that's what you're doing. Tell me. I'm in montana. Okay. All right. Just a regular guy Let's call me red red johnson, right? Right, and I have a fucking shovel Okay, red johnson, right and I'm digging in the earth right if I dig straight down into the earth

The other side is probably china Oh straight down What you've never heard this before you've never heard this before I have to know I want to know what her thing is. I want to know what your thing is. Let me just get it's like I'm thinking in like el chapo escape right like when el chapo built dog a hole from prison all the way out into the forest And he rode away in his motorcycle. That's what I'm thinking like a tunnel You're building a tunnel from one end like from montana to california like an underground tunnel I I I missed I could do that. Okay, because I was like no you can't because you would have to cross seas

But if you're saying if you go straight just poke a hole straight from montana down to the other side of the earth Yes, that's what we're talking. I didn't understand it and that's I don't think I don't think in the philippines You had the phrase you'll dig a hole so deep. You end up in china. Yeah, you probably That's a real saying Saying oh, yeah, I didn't never heard that Yeah, like you'll dig a hole so deep. You'll end up in sweden and the philippines like do you have any I have never thought about this. Yeah, what's directly on the other side of the planet earth from the philippine? Well, let's look at a globe Okay, go look at a globe

No, I have to know I have to know But anyway, what I'm saying is from montana to fucking china It's impossible. Okay, you're right. I thought we were digging tunnels. Yeah. Yeah, we are building digging a tunnel still a tunnel I mean sideways not straight down, but that's still a tunnel though. Yeah, it's a tunnel. It's a tunnel My god, I want to know what's on your brain. What you've taken this whole time. That was insane what you're thinking I was thinking el chapo What something else Yeah

Do you have a photo of the globe? I have to know Wait, I'm being real. Yeah, just a regular globe. Yeah, okay. I think I can figure it out just by looking at a map. Okay. Let's see. All right I'm sorry you guys I really didn't understand the task at hand here. Yeah But you understand how if you go straight down. Yeah, okay, so that's the globe Well, can you uh zoom in on one? All right, zoom in on that I'm gonna open a different tab

Okay, zoom in All right, the philippines Is bobby's pointing all the way to the right right right here up north north up up there. Yeah, that's a philippine. Yeah So you would end up somewhere in south america, right? No, probably mexico In the ocean in the ocean So it'd be like

At land and somewhere in the atlantic. Oh, if you dig that keep digging that hole in the philippines Kalala, you'll end up in the middle of the atlantic ocean. That's not a phrase. We border the mariana's trench And so which is like the deepest part of the world, right? The technically there's a giant hole there. Okay, anyway, let's stop stop talking about holes. Give me another question All right here final one. We'll end on uh We'll end on this this is hannah lee peat is asking who is your current for everyone because I know what it changes Who is your current celebrity crush and why who you are you guys obsessed with right now? I need a moment. I think I wrote this down on a list. I'll chapeau

I've never heard anyone say I'll chapeau that much Who is your current celebrity crush? You know, I don't really I my honest thing is I don't have one There's no celebrity where I look and I go. Oh, I'd love to date her No, can be a guy like in terms of just no no no no guy Why so defensive? I'm not being defensive. No guy. No, no, no, no, no, because I already because we every week It's some guy and then they do memes about me with Ben Affleck Yeah, I'm not doing no guy. Well, the memes are because you said you'd want to fuck him. Yeah. Well, then I already answered it

Oh, so Ben Affleck, so your celebrity crush. Okay Got it. Yeah. I don't want to say it again What about you? Yeah, a lot of people have Elon Musk men and women. Is there celebrity crush? Really? Yeah Um, I yeah, I think I'm with Bobby. I I don't have one currently off the top of my head. Oh, oh, oh, that's not true The Spagliato ladies. Who's that? Um Prosecco with The freaking tiktok viral. I would love to have

Yeah, maybe them Oh, no, I do have a celebrity crush, but maybe he's not a huge celebrity yet. He's like this guy. He's like a pleasure dom His name is Yini But he seems he's like really hot to me I mean, you're just doing youtubers now or what? No, I mean, I think when we when we fucking say celebrity, we mean like a movie star or something, man Yeah, there are people on tiktok. I'll fuck that girl on tiktok Yeah, but we're talking about you ruined my celebrity crush for me

Edgar Ramirez. Edgar Ramirez. Yeah. Oh, yeah. He's like off limits now because he's your friend. Yeah So yeah, I can't have a crush on him anymore. You know Oh Give me another question. I didn't like that one this one. Um, your favorite, uh, underground hip-hop group and your favorite mexican food All in the same question. No, let's do mexican food Favorite and really think about you can have one mexican food served to you over and over again Can't do a combo platter has to be a dish think about it taste it smell it Let me see yesterday. I had posole and I had chile

Oh, I know what you're gonna say. You're gonna say posole. You love a soup It's gotta be for the rest of your life though. Yeah, it's gotta you have to think about this because you're not talking about contents within Oh, I have one Oh, I see you're talking about preparation of like this stuff Yeah, so it's like if you're saying I would probably go taco because I could pick millions of Toppings I do a breakfast taco. I can do like meat whatever so Also with the taco if you put melted cheese in it, it does turn into a quesadilla. Yeah, right? So there's different, you know, I mean the taco is something taco is much very much an open burrito

Right In many ways if you take a flour tortilla, you don't wrap it all the way around. It's a fucking taco, right? Yeah So I say taco I would say because I I love stews and soups probably like beatia forever Beatia beatia what the fuck is a beatia bro? You'd love it But really it's oh my we should take him to the truck. It's basically a taco dipped in like beef consomme But beatia itself is just like stewed meat, right? Yeah. Yeah Let me ask you another question though. Are you excited about avatar? What I don't know. I'm not up to watch the trailer this morning

No, and I feel bad Because I why because I feel the same way but why they spent why I'm not feel excited Yeah, I feel like he was working on something a sequel to something Amazing, but technology and story has kind of caught up to that It's kind of like that's exactly what everyone does it on streaming now with that kind of like tech really Yeah, when avatar first came out, we had never seen anything like it and 3d 3d were like, oh, this is and now All the movies look like that a lot of movies look like all the marvel movies look like look like that And yeah, because you had 10 years of marvel that came out, right? And now when you look at it

It looks like like an average kind of fucking, you know, I mean, yeah, what are they gonna do different? Not it's just a different story. It's yeah, they should have done that fucking movie Two years or three years after the original thing What the fuck but those actors have been working on that for like more than a decade. Wow, really? I don't know why you why it took that long with their tech apparently It took 10 years to make that fucking movie Oh My god, imagine that imagine working on that job. Yeah, there's no way

You can't work on anything else. That's it. Yeah Well, james cameron Good job. Good job. Good job. James any closing statements I gotta find medication I don't feel well I'll help you. I'm not gonna get another I'm not gonna work on anything else for the rest of the year after this Take a break. I'll help you find me. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Thank you Thank you everyone. Thank you for listening. I don't know if this is a good is a good one. I think it's a good one

Yeah, it was fun. We'll talk to you later. Bye. Bye guys. Bye Hey prime members, you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey