TigerBelly - Ep 374: Ari Shaffir, Blame the Poo Manufacturer

Episode Date: November 16, 2022

Bobby coulda been somebody. Ari eats ducks that don't quack. Khalyla swims on Rick Rubin island. We talk Bobby's love for Kobe, ribbit bunnies, video game porn breaks, and beardy two-towers. Support us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. I think that's what they call it. What is that? How many tattoos do you have? I got this one. I got my dad's. And then I got this on the side. Keep on truckin'.

And when did you get that? I think I got a new one, dude. Temporary long-term tattoos. Nine to 15 months. Ephemeral tattoos. Ephemeral. So you have those? No, I want to get a lot.

Let's get some. I want to get a sleeve. Can I say something though? No, because you asked. The answer is no. Okay. Let me know when you're ready. Don't condescend my fucking girl here, baby.

She asked a question. I'm your girl? Well, I'm the podcast... Ardner? Okay, go ahead. Yeah, I love the girl. I love the girl. So little pal of ours, Esther Pavitsky, got my name tattooed on her.

Ephemeral? With two years ago. A year and a half ago now, and it's only getting darker. So be careful. What? It's still there? It's still very much there. It's a new company.

What do you mean? It's getting darker. It's nine to 15 months. It's way past 15 months, two years. Way past. Oh, so it's... It's like... It's real.

Yeah, I don't think... I think she lied about that. What about the Hanna, the hippie? Hanna. A couple of days. That's quick. I love to grow on Hanna. On Hanna?

Oh, on Hanna? Yeah. I don't think I've fucked any girl with Hanna. Really? Yeah, yeah. Girls with Hanna, fuck. I didn't know. I did not know that.

Girl, wait, wait. Stop, stop. Girls with Hanna, fuck. But I've never fucked once. They don't fuck Asians. Girls with Hanna, fuck, but not Asians. Maybe not your kind. Wait, wait, wait.

Stop. That's offensive. What? What kind of Asian am I? Round-faced. Excuse me? You know which kind? Face Asian?

Korea. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then the what? There's long-faced? There's long-faced. Who are the long-faced? Japan? Yeah.

They're long-faced? Yeah. You know what you're at? You're a big nose. You're the big nose Jew. All right? Long nose is what we call them. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Long nose is like a good pirate name for Jews. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, anyway, that's so offensive. But you know what? Koreans were the first ones because I saw you talking to Margaret once. And I was like... Wait, wait, wait, wait. I saw you and Margaret show talk.

Didn't look like two moons in the sky. So it was the first one I was able to like, oh, I know one. I can name one. Yeah. Korean. I can name Korean. Wait, wait, wait. Was I the first Asian that was your friend?

Yeah. Are you going to be kidding me? No. Where would I have met one? In D.C., wherever you're from? Oh, that's not true. Yeah, in college, I met a lot. Well, then what the fuck?

In college, I met a lot. Actually, we had three different ways in my dorm. W.E.I., way one, way two, way three. Yeah, and I went... What's a way? W.E.I. Oh, that's our... In the dining hall, I was like, hey, what's up, W.E.I.?

And then he turned and I was like, ah, shit, it wasn't W.E.I. It was this other guy, Shu. Shu W.E.I. And I was like, shit. But, you know, we're all friends. So I was like, sorry, I thought you were W.E.I. because you guys all, you know, you look alike. Whatever.

It was a joke. And then he turned further and it just was another guy. I just didn't know at all. Yeah, yeah. He was very... You honestly think we look alike? No. You don't look any...

No, you don't. What word is that? That's a good thing. Yeah. You've crossed the stereotypical patterns, you've lived your life in such a way. Oh, really? I've done some damage. Yeah, you're...

To the face. And my body. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm like Korean Rick Rubin. Yeah, Rick Rubin fucked up white people's bodies. Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Rick Rubin was talented, though.

He's got talent. Yeah. You ever see him in the store? Oh, I remember you watching him. Yeah. I saw him at a beach once. Really? Yeah.

He didn't think it was a... He looked magical. Oh. You didn't think it was a dead whale? He's not that big. Oh, when we saw him back in the day, he used to be big. Yeah. He took up a table.

No, no, no. Really? Did he stand out? I think so. We knew about Rick Rubin. We knew about Rick Rubin. You might just think of Richard Rubin as a producer. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, Rick Rubin. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is Rick for sure. Are you sure? You know who Rick Rubin is? Yep, because he lives on a certain island and I saw him there. Lives on a certain island. Whoa.

What a fucking hot chick thing to say. She's a fucking influencer. Oh, my God. That's influencer talk. That's influencer talk. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Whoa, babe. Do the pose.

Do the walk and look back pose. Yeah. You got that down? You know what it is. What is it? Show me your eyes. You explained it earlier. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's this, it's this. Photo. Oh, I hate it. I hate it. Photo. I hate it. Here's another thing I see on... Because I'm on dating apps.

Yeah. This. If I see this... Really? Stung it. I'm out. Like the duck face, so they have to like... I'm trying to look ugly, but they doll themselves up to look ugliest.

Oh, is that what it is? Them looking ugly? Yeah. But it's in the hottest way possible. Billie Eilish kind of ruined it. Oh. I thought it was a sexual thing they were doing. Like sticking it in my mouth.

Oh, maybe. Did it seem like that? It's not. It's not. It's not? And he's right. We're always dolled up when we do that look. Really?

It's never when we're crusty in the morning. Right. It was like, no, let's not go hot. That's our parents. That's our aunts. You know, fuck millennial shit. We don't want to do that anymore. Let's go gross.

It's not baggy clothes. But then they couldn't help it to be like, let's do that as hot as possible. Yeah. You know, that's when I want a freeze machine. Like I would love to go to a beach, have a freeze machine, right? Yeah. Freeze time machine. I can move them up about, right?

So when they do that, I just want to put shit in it. I thought you meant like just a freezer. Like... Put shit in their mouths? Yeah. Nice. When you do that? They can't move.

And then you unfreeze and then they got like fucking M&M's and... Yeah, true. The way you treated my car. Oh. The way I treated your car. Yeah, yeah. Painter treated it. I just handed...

We've been always... I handed him the poop. I don't want to talk about it again. I handed him the poop. So like... The focal... Is it the gun manufacturers to blame? That's true.

All right. That's true. That's true. Right. But you're the one that painted it. I painted it. No, no. With a spatula.

No, I gave him the spatula and the poop. But whose poop was it again? It was my poop. That's it. That's fine. You figured out the possibility. I figured out the possibility. Out of all the moves though, I feel like that one you would respect the most because you're

kind of a poo guy. Yeah, for sure. He respected it. I respected it. He didn't like it. You cannot like it and so respect it. Yeah, yeah. But you know, we've talked about this.

The next thing I was going to do was come. Oh, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come's not as gross as poo. No, you don't know what I was going to do with it. Disagree. Disagree. Really?

Were we going to do a dip in poo? No, I was... I think I did a couple of loads and put it in the freezer and I was going to thaw them out and somehow stick it in your drink. Oh, God. That's... My drink? It's vile.

Yeah, at the store, if you had a drink, I was going to take my cum, two months' worth of cum. With a dropper? With a dropper and stick it in a drink. The problem is at some point you have to go, well, is this going to end it or is this not going to end it? I think death was the next one. That's why I didn't do it.

So you're like, let me... Yeah, it's like nuclear wet. It's like, where is this going to end? Am I finishing it or am I not finishing it? Why couldn't cum be the last thing? It might have been. Okay, all right. You know, there's always a chance where I was like, I'm out, but if I'm not out, then

I'm... And if I live through your next thing, then the next thing, it'll be so bad. Even in a harsher. Oh, my God. You're going to fuck my mom. Sometimes I'll fuck your mom. I'll fuck your mom. Oh, my God.

Would she fuck me? No. All right. Yeah. It's a simple question. Is she single? Is she with her dad? She's not single.

She's with my dad. All right, well, that's fine. I won't then. If you threw like really good game out, I'd still... I don't think I would. I have nothing I could do to pry them away. Okay. That's Ari.

Ari's going to play his mom. You play you. What? Hit on Ari's mom. What's your mom's name? Ethel? I think it's Ethel. Ethel Shafir.

Yeah. What would you be? It's Ethel Shafir. It is, yeah. Ethel? Hi. It's Ethel. Ethel.

You can call me Ethel if you want. I like that. I didn't say Ethel. Oh, I thought you did. It's already gone. That argument right there. She's not fucking you. She's not fucking you.

Is it hard for real? I don't know what Ethel looks like. Could you get hard for anyone's mom? Mitzy. You got hard for Mitzy when you fucked her. When you used to fuck her all the time. Whoa. You could fuck Mitzy all the time.

And so that must have been hard. Yeah? You shove it in. How'd you do it? You shove it in? Did you feel sad when your boy died? Bud Friedman? When you fucked him?

When you fucked him? My boy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You fucked him in the ass. I was fucked by him. Nobody respects the top and bottom anymore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How dare you?

How dare you? You popped me. But I do know, I do know guys that ate Mitzy out. Oh. I've probably been, I'll be a big man. You told me this. I told you. Who ate Mitzy out?

The problem, people were like, when she was younger, she was hot. I can't say names because. But I was like, she took over the store when she was 43. She wasn't, she was never younger. Then 43? Yeah, she was never younger. She was pretty hot though in some photos.

She kept it together. Yeah, in her 40s. I think if we were around in her 40s, were we around? No, we weren't. No. That was in the fucking 80s. Early 80s. Yeah, early.

Early 80s. Yeah. Yeah. I think maybe we would have done it. What are you going? Wow. It's a strong one. Yeah.

It's so fun. That's my thing. That's your thing? I try to come on the podcast. I try to come on the podcast with respect. I try to respect. Remember I used to fuck this. Take my style.

Yeah. Do you remember that? Big influence. I would get a fucking armband. You would get an armband. Yeah, but you never called poser. What? I had to be where I went.

People were like, poser under their breath. Oh, really? Yeah. And I had to be like, correct. Oh, really? I don't even know. So I had pretty good style back then. You had great style.

You've always had good style. Oh, my God. That's so great. Toy machine. You want to just be like, be fuck. Yeah, toy machine. Oh, I'm so good. The cool thing about skate artists, you don't have to skate.

You can just buy the shirts. That's true. I realized that long ago. Yeah. Yeah, you can, fucker. What are you wearing under that? What? What style are you wearing?

This is like, I have a jersey underneath. What? I don't know. Jersey, that's posing too. You think this is? Yeah. You motherfucker. You know I hate the like. You know I hate the like. Oh.

Hey, who's jersey is that? I don't know. I don't know. I've never seen Bobby wear a basketball jersey. Yeah. I love jerseys, man. I love this team. And I love this guy.

How's he doing this year? Pretty. I don't know if he's on the team anymore. You know what I mean? But yeah. Yeah. Anyway. Fucking.

What a fucking cop. What me? What do you mean? I love this guy. Do you really? Yeah. I love the team. I'm LA for live, bro.

For life, dog. Yeah. Yeah. So anyway. Fun, right? Yeah. Forever a good time. Forever a good time, right?

Yeah. Forever a really good time. I got a poop in the car. Yeah. We don't, you know, it's like, you know, we don't have to talk about it, but my point is, is that I love this team and rest in peace and that's cool. Yeah. Whatever.

They made a monument out of the fucking site. Are they dead? No. Oh. Oh. They suck now. It's pretty great. Yeah.

They're not that good. But he's going to leave, right? James LeBron. There's Mitzi. There she is. There we go. You fucked her probably 10 years after that. I never fucked.

Stop. Let's tell them. I never be honest. I never had sex. I never had fucking Mitzi. Shut the fuck up. Look at her. You're right under the table.

Right under the table. That was in the early 80s. I never did that. Pauly. I never did that. That's fucking crazy. I barely talked to her, bitch. What?

You just went in and just boned and left? No. Take a move. Take a move. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Take a move. Take a move. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The people that did eat her out, did it help their careers or did it get passed? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. No, she was cool about it. I feel like I would have done it if I was a young con. Yeah. A lot of times that's maybe people's main problem with wine scene is that he just sometimes didn't fucking give the promise. Yeah. Maybe.

Right, right, right. Maybe. Yeah. Or he was just not just a scumbag in general. Like if he just treated them nicely. Yeah. First of all, number one, I'm also going to now, when this comes out, I'm going to get a call from Paul.

Yeah. Yeah. And he doesn't like it. They do him. Never. Once I never fuck, I never fucking I meant to go, Bobby. And you go, huh. Call me dad.

Wow. Dude, you're so good. You're so confrontational. I love it. I love it. In the heat. You know what I mean? What is this place?

It's my bunk. It's my fucking garage. Back yard. My jerked off in here. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm here. Oh, my many times.

There. I'm not sure they're a bunch of times I used to mess right here when I watch play video games I don't play anymore right now, but we should have break into video games We're just this porn for like ten minutes get just get back into the video game. Well, leave it You know, yeah, yeah on the video game. Well, you know or just incorporated into the game Maybe gears of war that's suddenly hard to fucking or you're you're doing um, you know war zone with your buddies Where's Bobby? He's you know where he is? Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I'm in there and there's like stuff in there that you've been to a strip club where they fucking

Make you come in your pants. Oh, yeah Like happy ending yeah, just like the jerk they're like rubbing you you get hard and they just kind of like do the Pants just like and then oh, it's so good. You're gonna come. It's so good. Um, I that recently happened to me really I'm sorry. It's okay. All right. It's okay. That really happened to me at a strip club, or yeah at the um I Was just one we broke up. Yeah, right and I was just kind of like and I wasn't on a dating I wasn't no one was in my life and I'm like, I just have to figure it out Yeah, let me get it the machine going and I don't feel uncomfortable talking about this. I went in there

I would have tried to pick it's it's the first of the smell gets you right away. Okay. It's bad I went in there with it with a girlfriend once she was like, I want to work as a waitress here and she I was like, okay She walked in yeah, yeah walked out a minute later. Yeah, you know in the Philippines You have that sewage smell sometimes and the Korea you do too you go to certain streets and there's that got smell of sewage Yeah, that's where the pussy smell like Like a Filipino like a like a belute shit The place that they know you walked in they had that smell of little bit of sewage I mean it also cleaning supplies. Oh, right? Like like

Bleachy kind of smell and then there's also like Sticky ground the whole fucking thing, right? It's double bleach. Yeah, and I walked in there and I was like This is cool. You know me welcome back. I heard the place say welcome back Yeah, and the mission the walls are welcome back, right? Yeah, my toky the dumb one. Thank you Yeah, you're old no toky. They're talking my dick, right? Yeah, I was thrilling to be back No, my dick was like inside my body. I was like scared to but I had like eight hundred dollars. Yeah, that's enough. Oh, yeah That'll that'll do. Yeah. Yeah, and then I don't want to make fun of this person and I like shaming people So let me just try to do this as

Political and tasteful. It was a retunned Cambodian lady you come though when you said roots. I was like, please. What is a different way? Oh You thought I was gonna go read. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, right. Well, that's what I wanted to say. Yeah, I want to read you Rotund They overlap to yeah, they overlapped. Yeah, I'm done. It's fat and and she goes odian Yeah, and she goes she said something that was so startling. She goes. I don't care if I live or die Oh, she goes, I don't care about that. I'll do anything. I'll got you hard. Oh my god. When that's involved I'm like, whoa

Yeah, I felt like I was in a jungle somewhere far away. Yeah, right and I go, oh Well, you should live or something, you know, because I'm positive you're not counseling her. Yeah, I'm positive I'm positive. Yeah, I mean I don't do that. She what I'm willing to say what I'm saying is that I'm willing to do anything Right now I'm hard Yeah, right and I go, how is it done? How is it the dance? I don't know. It's a private room. Where are we going? You know, I mean and she goes well follow me and went over there and I don't want to get too into detail But she started making out with me. Oh, I know wrong wrong move. Don't do that

Bet you liked it. I didn't like it. You think she just got there. What do you mean? Do you think she's just like showed up for the first person she kissed? Yeah It was fucking too. That's when they're that's when their shift starts, right? Three in the morning, that's where they start, right? I Don't know what Maybe you're right. I don't know. I don't know. It could have been 15. You know, I mean what's in the version Do you think that fucking thing Dahmer? Why do you have all that? Oh, oh, no, sorry. Let's get back to that. Let's go back. Wait a second. Yeah, but

You made out. I bet you went all in though. Like you know, she started making out and I was I held back You're like I can give you a new life. Oh, yeah, because it was weird. I was like I was doing one of those Like you didn't like it. You didn't like it at first. I didn't like the breath Yeah, I mean, I don't like the breath. I didn't like her mustache You know, I mean, I don't like any of it, right? I wasn't even that attracted to her at all You know, I mean, but it was just the thing of like this is weird Also, you can't say no once you're in you can't be like it's so insulting. You'd be like, I'm not interested in you Yeah, yeah, you're like, all right. Yeah, it's like you like when I go to a McDonald's

Right. Mm-hmm. You're my point, right? I'm here and it's like here. Yeah, if it's one time I went as a kid. I went to a McDonald's and they forgot the meat in it So I had just had the buns and the cheese And I remember I remember just eating that and not going to the front because there's no meat too much conflict. It's too much conflict I'm not I don't like conflict. Yeah, so you know, I mean, I'm gonna go with it because it's like, you know, I mean I'm not gonna complain Right. I was about the comments you go stop. I go why she goes you don't want to edge

That's what I learned. That's when I learned the new word edge. I love edging. What is edging? Just saying almost coming. Yeah The best yeah, it's like just getting to the edge and then holding back and then doing that over and over and over again So when you finally do go, it's a big calm, but it sucks because I spent all eight hundred dollars Right. He's I was there for an hour. Oh, that's right So if I would have knotted right then and there that would have cost of $20 the edging is yeah Yeah, yeah, that's how you keep fucking going. I think we listened to all the fucking the white album I don't know what we went through fucking circles

Yeah, I mean Floyd, you know, I mean dark side of the moon all the albums and I just did it and then um, I Felt so much shame. Yeah, you feel shame after. Oh my god, so much shit I promise to after you come and you like still have half a song left. You're like, can we just Oh, so you've come in a lap dance before yeah, yeah, yeah, just did it Normans bachelor party It was just like all right. How was it? You know like and like well your girlfriend does not care about that I'm gonna fucking bachelor party. Oh, there's different rules. No rules in Tampa. Oh, that's right. That's right I forgot there were different rules in Turkey. Yeah. Yeah Tampa. There's a I went yeah I went so when I was shot that movie in December

With will I went to a strip club in Tampa. It was too wild. It's wild. It's pretty wild there Yeah, yeah, yeah, and I she goes I promise you for a thousand dollars You know, I mean come to me into this room and you'll you won't be sorry and I had like a five in the morning call time Right, and it was like one and I was like I was like weighing it. Wow, and I just I was left smart I didn't do it. I left. Yeah. Yeah. I did get a laptop anyway That's not cheating but anyway, um, yeah, it's fine even if you come it's not and especially not in Tampa Those are the rules. It's fucking she went to Tampa. That's what I'm saying. That's why I mentioned it. All right Yeah, right Tampa. No rules, right? It's a different land. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

That was that would that mean that like let me just say if massage parlors that's a no It Matt Damon in the movie, you know that Mars movie he did right if there was just like a brothel there Oh, and he was married on earth and he fucked a girl in Mars. That doesn't count doesn't wait He's he was gonna be faithful while he was never gonna survive on fucking right All right, no, it's over. She's like, ah shit. What if you fucking alien? Is that something a love Mars? You can do anything. You're not coming back. The breakup is immediate. Yeah, right. Okay. Good assumed. All right Good. Hey, we didn't pick your husband up. I can't hear you. I've got a cock in me. I Like it. Yeah, and also if you do go back, you're like, I thought I was dying

Yeah, remember when Tom Hanks was like, hey, I'm your husband. She's like, here's my new husband. He's like, oh Here's your goddamn volleyball. Oh Dude, that always pissed me off was didn't that piss you off that same cuz he was like, oh, he's been waiting He waited all that time and then he's got to be like How about this you don't move on until you see a body see a body you guys see a body. That's why that's why I said Fucking what's his name from the you know the people? What are you talking about beardy old beardy old beardy two towers? What are you talking about, man? Oh, um, Osama Beardy two towers

Osama's more direct. Yeah Yeah, his wife has to keep going and they never had a body. It's out to see she's wife can't move on But then you have like 23 wives a couple in the Philippines as well They all have to be faithful while they're waiting. You had a couple in the Philippines. Yeah Yeah, I think it's the Philippines. Wow. How does this guy have a cool life than I have and the south of the Philippines is Muslim. Oh, that's right. So you win. Oh, he went over. Well, he should have just stayed there I think they would have never found him there. The Philippines great scuba diving. Yeah, what a beautiful place that probably tropical. Oh, yeah I loved it. Yeah, it's very two tires

And they would probably take photos, they don't give a fuck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I cook for you with some terrible food? First of all Asia Wow, that's amazing. So yeah beardy two towers a wife probably they can't move on You can't move on because what if he shows up? He will too. Oh, you don't think he's dead. Why not show the body? You know, I've always thought about why not show the body. Yeah, the Most hated man in the world you killed them. Oh, but all of a sudden we threw him in the ocean We're gonna respect his fucking religion when throw him in the ocean. Yeah, they never made a fucking sense Something's fishy there. It's fishy. And then you're like government. Oh, they never lie, right?

Yeah, something's fishy, but he's probably in Guantanamo. You think yeah, maybe they'd be torturing him for a while Yeah, they don't want anybody trying to rescue him. He's gonna like the fly The liberals would complain. They'd be like he's Muslim. You have to respect. Yeah. Yeah. No, no. Give him a sex change Well, then he died for he died. Yeah. Yeah, that's what they did and then now they're fucking having their way Oh, they would probably fuck him up. They probably fuck him up If you know if people they go we can do whatever now. Yeah, every day at two o'clock. We're gonna pry your eyeballs open. We're just gonna Yeah, how do you like that? Yeah thousand times a day and what if Hitler's next to him? Oh Yeah, alive. They're keeping him alive on the lecture. He has no eyeballs. I like he's all fucked up. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

Really makes you yeah Watch my new special always So, you know people have been talking about your special and Um, especially your set design the candles in the background people are loving that I'm helping. Yeah, we're getting a lot of views on on on YouTube. Millions millions of views. That's great Yeah, and you're making money off of the YouTube numbers, right a little bit I asked for donations because I'm out all shitload of money. We're at three point two million views. Well, it's amazing Incredible 13 days 13 days so much. That's so much. Yeah, people really sponsored the show on their fucking parents

Yeah, so what do you mean? You're running out of money? I had my use half my money fucking paying for this thing. It's beautiful It's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, thanks. I don't have kids Have you made your money back from it? No, there are people are donating like they're pay I have a paypal and a Venmo on there and you can like give money right on the fucking YouTube But it's about like 45% now. Oh, I'm getting there. I'm creeping back. Yeah. Yeah, and then everything else It will be profit if it gets there. Yeah I mean, I you know, why did you do it this way because of what I mean, I mean, why would you do? I mean, did you not want to go candle Netflix? Oh, no, I did my last one there

I just want more people to see it. So this was like the more the better platform. Let me that's curious Let me ask you some questions. Yeah, sure. Do you think that that's so you think that from now on that's the way to do a special I don't know about now on but now. Yes, YouTube is really good at not censoring their comedians Ah, YouTube is really understands more than anyone I've ever seen in the business of oh, hey, he said that on stage He doesn't mean that Ah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah So if you say anything and they go well, this is flagged and they go look he's on a stage. They go. Oh, okay. No

Yeah, means the opposite. Yeah Yeah, it could because I mean I'm sure the notes are because I know what Andrew went through with fucking Netflix and stuff Amazon It was that was Amazon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and they go. Well, we don't want you to make trans jokes or whatever Yeah, and he said I'm not making a trans joke. I said all trans people should die and and then they said They said well certain jokes might be because it's not a joke He goes, I want them all to die. My name is Andrew Schultz

And I want all trans people to die. Yeah, and they go it could be a problem It goes to fuck you. I'm out of your this business. I thought it was an abortion joke He wanted to abort all trans people. He wanted all No, that was an abortion. Listen, I gotta look at it. I'm not exactly sure Yeah, he didn't say it. Yeah, but like, uh, but uh, yeah, it was like Guys get out of here. It's like the store. We said dark shit You're gonna have some fucking nobody from the seventh veil coming in going. I don't like that. Yeah. Yeah bowed out of them Right, right, right, right, right. Yeah. So this is the best way to like just like

You don't worry about it. Yeah, you know, I look at your lifestyle and you know, I've known you for a very long time We have similar lifestyles. I don't think so. We do what we want Excuse me. We're free. You're more free now that you got rid of your anchor You're more free than I you live like a nomad. Yeah And I don't do that I've always anchored in town and I like being here. Yeah, I like being in LA my routines And I've I've been watching you observing you and you're just very like you're all over the world and sometimes you're just kind of Hiking places and you mean you have ways of just kind of detaching from is that a spiritual thing you're doing?

Yeah, it's just too much online and everything you got to get lost a little right. I went to fucking After the Kobe thing you know, but before No, before that though, I went to like Asia and it was just I I locked myself out of all my um Social media and email. Yeah a long way out there for four months. Wow. Wow. Where? started me and mar and then went to I'm gonna go Thailand Cambodia Indonesia and where do would you stay in hotels or hostels?

Yeah, I met people. It was a nobody for a while. It was great. I got recognized here or there on a beach at Cambodia in the middle Of nowhere. I'm just what some guys like what the fuck are you sure? It's like, what's up, dude? I just keep walking. Oh really. Yeah. He's like, what do you? That's intro. That's so interesting. You know what? There's a part of me that wants to do that. You could do it I can't you disappear. It's so fun. I can't do it It really is so fun to just fuck off. Yeah, fuck off I put my I called it uber then I threw my phone in my drawer and I just left with no Well, maybe you can help me. Maybe you can help me because I um

I feel like especially, you know, you know how long I've been around. Yeah, right for what since before anything was happening What do you mean? Yeah before time. Yeah before time. Yeah. Yeah, and um And I feel like now is when things are slowly really happening for me in my career It was always that way. Okay. Let me fucking finish. Okay. All right. Yeah, I feel like in the last two or three years No, actually, no, let me interrupt you along the way. Why not? Why this makes for better conversations instead of going back Just take it over All right, what can I let me start my thing over again? Okay, and then you interject I feel like I've been around for a very long time

Right, and I feel like now in the last three or four years things are You could you could have said this at any point of the last 20 years. What do you mean mad tv? If I can't leave now, I just started getting stuff About tv Res dogs it keeps going up and up and up. No, no, that's completely. Oh my god. You're so stupid. There's no point Yes, if there was where you could be like Well, you could be like, hey stuff isn't happening. It was always happening the movies

Well, it was when I met you was low low. That's what I'm saying There was a five or six gap seven year gap commercials before yeah, but there was nothing happening I do remember that when I met her. How are you making money? Just doing really terrible road dates getting like yeah, you hated the road. Yeah the guarantee You're like I would fill half the room Right, so I would just get the guarantee. I remember when a good weekend was like seven eight k Remember that? Yeah, that was a good weekend Like I would call and go. Oh my god. I can't believe I made this. You know what I mean?

85 percent of your listeners like Yeah All your listeners like I know I know yeah, but comparatively speaking to that would have been your time to take off during that I could have done it then, but I feel like if I do it now Since the momentum's going, you know, let me let me counteroff. It's all Theo. It's all Whitney. All you fuckers are losing your lives Oh, there's tremendous stress. I have no idea You do three episodes a week of each year podcasts

You bank three months worth in no time and then you fucking fuck off You still have the ads coming in And you just you're free and you don't have to you're not gone. Yeah, but you but that's so funny Do it from a beach hut and fucking You seem to think that this is gonna last forever. It's not what do you mean this meaning you're fucking life? No No, I'm what I mean is record ahead of time. You can still record ahead of time Just pre-record a book what I'm saying is is that I have like 10 things going outside of the podcast Oh, yeah, uh, it's important to do sex in the city

Fucking dumb fuck. What a terrible project you put yourself a part of what a terrible fucking show Literally call me a Santino I was with Santino and he was like hey, I got it off for for sex in the city He goes Ari's here goes. Oh, and we're both like don't don't do that. Why would you do that? He goes, well, it's sex in the city like the show that's been done for a while. Why would you do? Oh, it's because you wanted to remember what it's like to fuck mitzi so you hang around with these old Yeah, shit like that you don't need to do shit like that. Yeah Make some money on the podcast you can fucking Skype in if you need to for the little Cambodia

So you have all of December and early January off. Okay. I want to say what is that true? Yes, I want to say something while you're standing up. I need to stand up for a second. Okay, then all the way right So I'm gonna tell you something right Brother man, right All right, is is that some of us have different dreams you have no kids Yeah, but some of us have different dreams and What I'm saying is this okay. Yeah that the reasons behind doing sex in the city is it's like I want to be a part. I don't know what I want to get accepted. You know what I mean?

From them What they're dying I know they're dying you want acceptance on the way out. I'm saying goodbye. Yeah I'm going. I'm going. Hello. Hello. I'm going. You know, I've been watching I've been always wanted to be a part of this world You guys are all dying. Goodbye. Yeah, right at the edge. It's I get it where it's like the father Like I never loved you and it's all his death, but it's like you're actually pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I just want that's what I've always wanted a validation from hollywood. You've gone to the you've been in movies When you mean though, I would do one movie every five years. You're in herald and kumar. I know that was fucking one day at work

It's cool though. That was a cool project. That was a cool fucking role. Yeah, but my point though is is that yeah If I look back in my life, I go. Yeah, I did do all these things but still in my mind. I'm like, you know, you look at like All right I You're right. Let's get you in the new joker You do you do a week on that and then the deal is after that you go straight off Okay If I can get in the new joker, could you read some cool show like re though and just unplugged they you know leave everything

Not check social media. I think I think I need to I think you can you I feel like he has that like chip of being like Fuck all of this. He's a fucking hippie Jew this guy I do you have that in you? I don't have it The fucking bullshit that he says out loud, right? I don't have that kind of confidence and that kind of like guile You do I've seen you say on stage. You're great live I know but I'm just saying I don't I know but that's some of the things that you've said on you mean out loud It's like stuff. That's wow. That's fucking really ballsy and you know what I mean?

And I'll have that because I don't like confrontation and yeah, but you don't have to have confrontation to go off and just You're right though, but that part of it. You're right. I think that There is something about watching him. You're agent will be mad, but fuck them. They're all Jews Well, you heard me today, they'll get they'll get the money from another source I yeah, yeah, yeah, I just heard screaming for an whole hour from downstairs or he was upstairs What you're frosty. Who's your agent? No, it's like people people people. Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, my bad And I was screaming screaming saying I don't want to do this. No They were screaming at you. No, I was screaming at them. What were you saying?

I just um I asked for flaming hot cheetos in my face I'm like, I got a puffy guy. No, no, no, no, I didn't do that. I didn't want to have a pet you No, no, no, I said flaming. I'm gonna fucking get who I am. That's not who I am. I don't complain about shit like that You know me you real cheese sandwich. No, you ask any of the club people Yeah, I don't ask for anything I never write her who's adiva and your name never comes up. Are you being real bring real because that's true

It is true. I'm not a diva. Yeah, okay. So that's wrong Yeah, when I go to a club you can put me in a fucking outside. I don't give a fuck right drinks I don't care a salami plate. Go fuck yourself. I don't care, right? Yeah, any of that stuff. I'm not you know, I mean, can I can I be in a t-shirt salami plate? Go fuck yourself. Yeah But yeah, I have had so this is something that's happened in the last Couple of weeks. I've been at the store and I've had prominent. I'm unnamed names Asian Actors and and actresses. Yeah, they're gigantic. Yeah. I'm just come to me and basically say

What's going on because you know, I mean you should be In all the shit that we're all doing. Yeah, and your name never comes up. Oh, yeah, you're the funniest one Thank you Yeah, I mean, thank you Eddie can act sort of I don't I don't believe that's true, but thank you Close his eyes a little more for I need that mental stuff that mental stuff the actresses. Yeah, yeah, but um

And they were like what the fuck is it dude? There's so many things going on. Your name is not even in the fucking who was it? John Woo. I'm not gonna talk about Bobby to John Woo Bobby, you know, you love my you know, man Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, my point is that I've had people go, you know, yeah, why aren't you bigger? Yeah. Yeah, why? No, it's just why isn't your name, you know, I mean coming up talking about in these projects That everyone else is doing and I'm like, I don't know why and that's what I was kind of yelling at my what did they say? What was the response?

They go we're doing everything we can You know, I mean, and so it's like at that point. It's like do I leave or go I'd say but when they go we're doing everything we can it's like well Do you see that it's not enough? I mean, I mean, you know, here's what makes me mad about my situation You should be like we're doing everything. We gotta find someone else to do this. I can't figure it out Yeah, I mean, I I'm working but it's all from me Right, so I'll get emails from pretty big people And going hey, I wrote this thing for you and so I have been working like sex in the sea all these things

It's not cAA. Who was that guy in uh in that Crouching Tiger? What was his name? Chayun fat. Chayun fat. Was that him? Was it him? You're gonna get they're younger. Oh Oh, yeah, if you want to play this game, I'll play this game from SNL. Well, got from SNL the gay guy from SNL No, and yang. No, no, he wasn't here. I never met him. Who else is asian? Chayun fat. Yeah. Yeah. That's where you go. There's bigger ones, dude. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah You're not gonna hit me with some indian on a technicality Fuck that I talked about asian. Yeah, no asian my point being is is that Chiang

Is it him? No, but when I was in new york, I know he is and but I was in new york three weeks So with him hanging out with him. Yeah, super nice. That's in that right, right? And I was kind of thinking like, you know, um I feel like he's in a more elevated position than I is. I know he at least show he's like smart. You're stupid You know what when you talk that, you know, it's so funny when you just said that right now It just reminded me of when we didn't like each other and that's you that was always your angle with me stupid Yeah, I would be so I would walk down the hallway at the comedy storm. We didn't like each other And this is a decade, right? And he would go a look at the stupid asian. He's so stupid He's fucking retarded like he would just and I would just walk just walk

Speed pass walk by him every time I was saying like I don't even know how he fucking exists This fucking dumb dumb And you would keep that was your thing that was my thing. Yeah, why I thought it might bother you it did bother it does It does bother me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there sorry. Is there some truth to that? Well, yeah, be honest with me. No, I know it might I know you're stupid. So I thought Yeah, you know If you said about marin he'd be like, what are you talking about? Yeah. Yeah. I don't get it. Let me let me ask you something Let me ask you something. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

So you think on the dumbest asian you've ever met who ever met. Yeah I've been through southeast asia. I'm bobby. Yeah met a lot of villagers and I would say yes All right, so you think that all right. Well, maybe I am dumb. I mean no, but you're Words you try to I love this. I love it. I love it. I love it No, you're great. No, no, no, no, don't do that. Okay, but because I can handle myself You're not I mean, yeah, you're not I don't I don't know literally I was doing to make funny But now that I think about it. I don't know how you live How do you survive? Yeah, you went through that seven-year period and it's like

How did you even get I remember we were like bobby got started podcast like But but that's not stupidity. That's lazy. That's lazy. That's another thing Bobby got a ticket on his car and then he was like, oh shit And then he got another ticket on his car a brand new car They've been see it bought for him brand new car And then he was like, uh, and then they like toad it Yeah, they had like six tickets and they go, hey, you got to pay the six tickets off. He goes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah I definitely gotta

Fuck definitely gotta do that before Uber. There's no other way to get around. Yeah. Yeah. I'm eventually like, hey It's impounded. So like we're accruing more and more debt on this. Yeah, and for the fucking 200 dollars with the tickets His car was totaled. Yeah, just it started It's eventually go 10 grand on it and he was like keep the car I guess one time he didn't want to return a rental car and I think he must have racked up like 19,000 You didn't want to return it but it's always worked out for a year. Yeah, but that's not stupidity. No, it's laziness That's laziness. Those are bad examples and being aloof. Yeah, a smart person. I think being aloof is maybe more my thing You know, yeah, ladies for sure. No, but yeah, I mean, you're not stupid

You're not stupid. It's like I can have a conversation with you That level shut up, George. You're having way too loud Yeah, right. I mean, I understand what you're saying. It's also in terms of comedy No, in terms of comedy, I can latch on to certain things that you get it, right? I get it, right? Yeah So how is that stupidity? I think it's just lack of education is what I was Right, yeah, right, but I still know things that your chang is Educated, I understand that but I'm privy. I understand that but I'm privy to things that he's not aware of either

Like what like if what I will I'll go first I know so much about Star Trek the next generation Now, I know that to you, right? Not not to you, right? That doesn't Mean much. I think I think what it is is that you know, I had data fucked hard He did fuck. He fucked. Um, but would he have the emotional? He fucked Tasha Yarr in season one What do you have the emotional wherewithal to when they were all going nuts?

Yeah, they were no, yeah, they were all being sexual. Yeah. There was like a sexual thing on the enterprise and he's okay But it was just like a fucking vibrator He was just no, he's fully. He's fully. He has all the tools. I know but like he can't but then she died that season So it doesn't matter But he's still hold he still has a little tasha yarr thing that he put what sometimes looks at So I don't think you have traditional classroom like IQ, but you're really bright like artistically. You're brilliant You could have been somebody If they also let me just say politically. I'm not that political but I but I follow like, you know

Certain races and stuff like that's going on in the midterm elections blacks No, like katie hobs and carry leg I was interested in that, you know what the numbers are what districts? So there's just things that I'm curious about right things I care about that I put my attention on but things that I'm not what are you looking at the toys? I'm looking a lot of bookshelves and no books I hope that's true. It's true. I don't read a lot of books. I love that you're here I love that you're here because I tell you why because you really you really might make my throat sore And you make you get me going dude. You really get me going. I love picking out little things

I know and I fucking did it perfect and they get in Yeah, but you know, you're right. I'm traditionally in terms of education. It's like I don't know anything about biology Yeah, but that's because you have ADHD you have trouble retaining and sitting, you know down and being patient But that's not your fault. Yeah, I'm now on medication and it's changed. Yeah, you don't know much about history Don't know much biology Yeah, yeah, or science. You know me that's science. Yeah. Yeah, but things that I'm interested in I'm interested in and I learned those things. I do know that I love you Fuck you dude. I don't love you dude. All right. Kobe forever did

Kobe forever did well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, um Yeah, um, you know, I was just like, I knew I could get at you Right. That's why I said it. But it's funny, you know, out of anyone I've ever met in showbiz in comedy, right? You're the I don't know what it is You I think rogan does it to a little bit. What get get at you. He can get at me Yeah, there's a third person too. Who you took care of him. Nice. Who? Who? Frederick

Freddie Soto. Yeah, I got it. Yeah him and I he got me. He got me good Yeah, he got he because you wanted to support so much And he would just fucking needle at you. Oh, what a thing. Listen, you know what that's called. You know what that's called I like beauty doing this new fucking phase of woke Wokeness. Yeah, it's called bullying bud. It's calling bullying. Yeah. Yeah, you guys bullied me But luckily I got the punch up I got the quality on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah But you know, we we we've we've passed. Yeah, it's just like it's so funny when we're doing yoga up here

It was like, you know, those times are so fucking shitty But it it as a memory with no the hate behind it. It is funny That was a strange memory for me because I didn't even know you were coming and then I look out the window and I'm like, is that hurry doing yoga? Yeah You didn't tell me anything about I was like, wait, that is sorry and you guys are just doing yoga Yeah, and I remember doing it going and I think it was the first thing you and I've done That was like creative outside of stand-up. You know, I mean almost podcast. Yeah, and we were kind of like

Giggling almost as kids. It was fun. You and I have always had that even when we first met when you were young, you know, I mean and But then we've had, you know times of So I guess in in in in many ways if I was to write a book about my life You would be in many times. I'd be in it. You'd be in my mini chapter. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Interesting. Would I be in your book? Yeah, you're a giant influence on my career. We're not done without you. Yeah. Yeah. I'd be quitted already. Yeah And I think that you're bright obviously

I think back that i'm done. There's a second language. I hate the fuck that i'm done, but let's move past it. Okay, right, right My specials on youtube right now. Go click on it. Okay Wait, so what are we talking about? Oh, you getting lost in the world taking some time off. Oh, yeah So bobby if you're in a sitcom you're working 22 weeks a year and you're off for I don't know 30 That'd be an easy one. You know, that'd be an easy one. No, it's not And but we make our own sitcom so no one's gonna be like, well, I'll take time off I'll just not do a sitcom this week

You gotta plant in some fucking vacation time for yourself. Yeah, I've never taken a vacation of my life Donna, do you know how to buy a plane ticket? I know I'll call my own So you don't know how to do it yourself. Yeah, I I think I figure it out You just pre-record some shit. You're bad friends. You can do a you can you can intersperse with occasional guests here or there Pre-record some of those and then have like every once in a while someone just come in. We may never see him again I think that this like him going off on his own really terrifies me actually I think that I would because there is a part of me that the reason why I have interest In when you do it, right? Is that there is a part of me that feels like I will find

Something different out there by myself Yeah, which is a piece and then I'll I'll go. Oh, this is what I've been longing for all my life And then I'll wander in a village and I'll see Ding Long Right. Yeah, and Ding Long will let me have like, you know, I mean little kiwi titties Yeah, I mean, but she's in her 30s. Don't worry. Don't worry, right? Yeah, yeah, and she has like a fucking Jean-Luc Bacard shirt Right, right. She's the long Jean-Luc Bacard shirt. She's like, you know, I mean a vevin underground banana tattoo Oh, right. And then like

No bananas No, but she's like into like, you know, I mean some of the music that I'm into right And all of a sudden I'm there for 10 years. Oh, and we have kids terrible to find happiness. What? Yeah, that's happiness. And you're like, what'd you do back home? You're like Making millions by sticking the candy bars up my butt Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah millions of what coconuts We'd miss you. Yeah. Yeah. Here's the deal There is a freedom a legit a freedom of mind that you get when you're gone for 12 or so days

It starts around there maybe two weeks And then you're not coming home Then you're still going so you go to some country and you go to another country And you just you're not tethered to where you came from. It's just this like free your mind just starts blossoming Nothing's holding you down Right no emails to return no text to return and it's just like you find out what you actually like and what you don't like And and and your brain just shoots off in all these weird directions And it's just like it helps you creatively a hundred percent even though right at the time

You're not like writing bits and stuff But like you're free to like when you get back like what does interest you right? And it's just like it's just like it's like you've let the field go fallow For a little bit and then you come back like rejuvenated and like It's just better. I've never really been able to express it It's it's it's a freedom on a level that I didn't think was possible And then as soon as I got back I was just figured out how much sheer responsibility there is every single day here in America But then were you able to cope better with those responsibilities?

Yeah, yeah able to like so I went to Ecuador for six months after the pandemic and it was like And it was like oh sure. I got to keep that vibe. I got to keep that Ecuador vibe Oh, and so you fight it and try to try to say hi to people and be pleasant like and like you feel a fading away and it eventually fades away, but like It makes you appreciate some stuff you have here. Do you feel like you need to re-up? Yeah, I'm gonna get lost In december, but you're going with your girl. No, are you going by yourself? Yeah And how does she feel about it?

She understands really. How long are you gonna be gone for? This will be like three weeks. Nothing major. Right. All right, but that's got you. Oh, what about that? Well, I can do three weeks. Yeah, you can do three weeks. Can you you and I what whatever you and I do or something? What no tell me what that is What that face you made. Well, it's like well then Well, I wouldn't be as free Oh with me there. Yeah. All right. You have to be alone in this what I would do is I would go with you for a couple weeks Then we'd separate for a month and then meet back up. Where would I go?

Right, that's for you. Oh, that's what it is. Where would I go? Don't know. Yeah It's so free when you're like, okay, I'm gonna from this city I'm gonna go east to the west to that city after this and then somebody's like, hey, there's a fucking tomato festival over there You're like, oh a tomato or whatever. I love those or like, okay. Well, fuck. I'll go east. Yeah And then you go that way. Like, Hey, did you hear there's a a a Vipassana meditation thing that's starting on tuesday, like All right, I'll try it and then you meet a surgeon some german surgeon, and all of a sudden you're freaking Your mouth is being attached to somebody's asshole That's what that's how that leads, dude

Tomato festival to fucking your mouth has sewn on to somebody's asshole. Yeah, right and all of a sudden You're gonna have to cut my throat You know how many podcasts you would do about the fucking sewing on the asshole. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But tell us more about the first poop to one of your mouth. But aren't those hostile and those kind of things

happen out there? No. It doesn't happen out there. An occasional someone will get stabbed to death in the middle of the night. But that just keeps everyone else on their toes. Oh, I see. Generally the worst thing that happens

is some Germans fucking on the fucking bunk bed next to you. And you gotta, and they're like, shh, quiet, quiet, quiet. And you're like, come on, you have a fucking masturbated in a week and you're so pent up and you're hearing this guy, shh, shh, shh. And the fucking thing's shaking. Wait, wait, wait, wait, there's no porn out there because there's no Wi-Fi and stuff.

I don't have a fucking phone. Oh, you don't have a phone? Yeah. Where do you put your phone? I put it in my drawer. And then I went to the airport. He didn't take any phone with him. He went to Alexander Supertramp.

Wait, wait, wait, what's that? You put your phone in your apartment. I called Uber and then I threw my phone in my, I printed out my ticket. In New York? Or DC? In New York. In New York?

Yeah, Duncan was going to stay at my place. Right, and then you just get on, so then when you go. Yeah, I use a credit card. That's what I did, so I got my ticket with a credit card. You get a credit card. So you have your credit, you've been cash? I put a few grand into a credit card. I brought 1,000 in cash, just in case.

Right, right. Hundreds inside like a book. Right. And then you just go. I just go, yeah. Were there some nights where you're like, fuck, I'm tired of this. Early on, early, first week, I was like,

I made a huge mistake. If Duncan wasn't staying at my place in New York, I would have turned right around. Wait, what happened, what happened, what happened? It was just like, I don't know anybody. I'm so out of my comfort zone. I'm so out of my comfort zone. Right, right.

And I'm an overwhelming loneliness, plus the dopamine withdrawal from not having fucking social media. Oh, wow. It was like. What is it saying? Yeah, like I could feel like, fuck, deep depression setting in with not having likes.

And then like met a guy, one of those hostile breakfasts. This guy, Big Red, from New Zealand or England, I forget now, and then somebody was like, what's there to do here in Yangon, Myanmar? And somebody's like, there's a circle train around the city. Takes you all the way up to villages and back again. And I was like, oh, cool. And he goes, I'm going to be going.

I was like, yeah, sure, let's go. And so you spent with this guy, Big Red, and you're just on a day, we talked, where are you from? Where, oh, you played rugby. That's cool. And then like got something to eat off and then came back. And then the next day, you met some more hostilers. And then it was just like, you're off to the races.

Do you ever fuck anybody or no? Yeah, I fucked one person out there. Okay, tell me what it, tell me that, tell me that. That was already set up. How? Yeah, I knew some chicken. She was like, I'm going to be out there. And I was like, okay.

Well, Amitya in, was it Panampen? No, it was Bali. I was like, Amitya on Bali on March 6th. Wow. At this place. Sweet, okay. And did you think about it? You were like.

Leading up to it? Oh, I bet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you come quick or? So quick. I bet. No condom? No.

No condom, right? I was like, how many times have you used a condom? Over like 10. You? Well over 10, maybe 11. No, I used them. How many times in your lifetime though? Not more than 100.

Oh really? Yeah. Interesting. Yeah. Me too. Not more than 100. I don't remember the last time I used them. They're not the best.

They're not the best. They're not the best. They're not. Even for the girl, it's such an irritant for me. You know what I heard a girl say it? She said it's like getting a massage with a t-shirt on. Oh, it's so true. Oh, right, that's true.

Yeah, it's so true. So you met this girl on March 6th, and then it was over. We hung out for a week, her friend, she was there with her friend, and then some guy who worked at a tech company that they met in San Francisco. And so the guy was like from Indonesia, from Jakarta originally.

So he had all the ends. So we lived like a local. He got like a villa. So I lived, I was like going from hostel to hostel to a villa, doing all the nicest spots. That guy had fucking cash. Cash, really? And I had money.

I had more money than I've ever had to hang out with, but I just lived like them, like hostlers. Wow. I would just like defer to them. And you don't care about food. There was such good food out there. Yeah, but it's not Indonesia. Yeah, the street food is great.

You'd love it. Occasionally you'd be like, what is that? And they'd say something, and you're like, I don't know. I had some duck in either Indonesia or Timor Leste. And I was like, because it's not like there's a wall room. It's like pizza, you know, like pizza windows point, but it's just like beefs and stuff. And like, I don't know, what's that?

It's like duck. And I'm like, oh, okay. Like duck, no duck. You know where it's going already. No, I don't. And I'm like, duck. She goes, no, R.W. was the term that I used for there. I was like, duck, like quack, quack, quack.

No, duck. Roof, roof. I was like, oh, nah. You did it? No, I did have the mixed beef stew, the mixed meat stew, and looking back, there was definitely dog in that. Really?

Of everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also the duck. I mean, I think that's the best way. That language is probably good, the sound effects of the animal. Yeah, yeah, you can find. It's fun.

Can I tube meow, meow, right? No, roof, roof. No roof for me. Yeah. No moo, moo. Yeah, but the animal sounds differ from country to country. In the Philippines, we don't say woof, woof. We say ow, ow.

Ow, ow. I've never heard a dog go ow, ow. In Israel, they call chicken, cocorico. Co-cre, ours is tuk-tuk-owl. Tuk-tuk-owl. Oh, we should have an international language for animal noises. That's crazy.

Yeah. In Israel, what's ribbit, ribbit? I don't know. We don't have rabbits in the Philippines. Well, ribbit, ribbit, is it frog? It's frog. There's no, there's no. No, it's not.

It's frog. It's frog. It's frog. Oh, it's frog. So that's why, you don't have bunnies. We don't have bunnies, Bobby. Wait. Ribbit, ribbit.

What is frog? Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. I've never heard a bunny go ribbit, ribbit. Bunny, don't do anything. There's no noise we're having. Ribbit, ribbit, ribbit. There's no noise for the bunny. We don't have bunnies in the fucking,

what the fuck, crazy. But also, I'm wrong because we do have bunnies in the Philippines. Oh my God. But then, now that I said ribbit, ribbit, how the fuck do frogs sound in the fucking the Philippines? Fuck, fuck, fuck. That's what they do?

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. What do your turkeys sound like here? No, wait. Gabba, gabba, gabba, gabba, gabba, gabba. Ours is a look, a look. But it's so weird. Maybe, is it, no, do animals have different, they might have accents, they might have accents.

Maybe they do. Yeah, yeah, we didn't put that in the fucking place. Yeah, accents. Yeah, they have accents. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So maybe your bunnies go ribbit, ribbit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, what's a gecko sound like?

I don't know, that's fucking specific. Gecko? What a weird one. That's a deep cut. That's a very, no, that's not a deep cut in Asia. You have to know what different geckos sound like. It's either a tocko or a tock-mmm. So there's two different lines.

Oh, wow, wow. Tock-mmm, tock-mmm. You have to know your geckos. Why? What happens if you don't? Because one is bigger and then, and one is a smaller one and the bigger one, they have a really sticky adhesive. So if they get on you, it's painful to rip them off.

Oh, no. Wow. That's amazing. I don't know if anyone lived there. What? In fucking gecko land. I know. I'd never have to deal with adhesive animals.

Anyway, it's fun. I would love to travel with you one day. I'd then be fun, but we bring some video cameras. We bring some... Vlog, we'll vlog. Like Sony, like FX, not FX9s, G7X. Just small ones that go, and they fit in your pockets. And just the disposable cameras, maybe.

Why can't we, I mean, there's got to be a way to document it, but still kind of get that same. So I think what you got to do is, you got to like take some pictures and then I figured this out. Because if you bring a film crew, you're not getting into the experience. Okay, okay.

You know? You're not meeting people. You're not getting this thing. I was in Vietnam. I was just walking through the Hutongs in like Shanghai. Way outside. I was sick of white people. I just went way outside like District One.

And then this random, like, they were just this family outside singing karaoke. And they're like, but they don't want to wave this way. They go like this. Yeah, yeah. But they mean like come this way. No, they were doing this.

That was a Hitler thing. Hi, Hitler. Yeah, that's why I sang karaoke with them for a while. We were all cooking and shit, drinking beers. And then like, it was just fun, but then, wait, was I saying, oh, you can't do a film crew. Oh, right.

You can't like take a picture. They change. Yeah. So maybe take a picture or two. And then you're like, you'd like get in a box like they do for like reality shows and like talk about it. And then like pop pictures up on the screen.

Oh, wow. You know, something like that. That's interesting. Every few days like, hey, let's go in the booth and like talk about what we've seen, journal a little bit. And then they go over it. But let me say something.

I've learned, what did we learn today? Number one. I'll tell you what I learned. I know what we learned, right? But number one, I learned that I should fight for my intelligence. Right? I'm not dumb.

You're not dumb. I really am not. You're not dumb. I'm very bright. Yeah. You're all right. So that's number one. Number one.

Everybody. Bobby is bright. I have to be. Yeah. To build this world. Yeah. You just have to know the number for Mexicans. What?

You just have to know the number for Mexicans. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Give it up. Otherwise I gonna knock me out again or something. All right. Number two, I learned is that maybe... Mexicans did paint these all.

Yeah. Maybe I do need to do go on a retreat, which is sort of lost. You all, especially in this city, you all gotta get lost. You gotta get lost. I told Whitney to do it. She was going a little nuts and I told her to do it.

She goes I can't. I'm about to start a podcast. I'm like perfect timing. And then Didn't, she dies her hair every fuckin three days. Yeah. Yeah. There's something going on. It's like you guys all just gonna take some time off...

I am feeling it myself I do it don't winehouse yourself. What's that mean? What not winehouse? What does that mean? I'm house Amy wine. Oh winehouse Yeah, all I said why what she died. Yeah, she worked herself too much. You think what you don't think was drug addiction helped Yeah, that helped. Yeah, but her Jews are always like let's get you back on the road. All right Yeah, yeah, let's get you working. You're not a product. You're a person. Yeah, right? I just talked with Theo and all the comments like yeah, Theo take a month off. We'll be here for you. Oh, really? Yeah, I think I'm gonna do it I'm gonna do it. You know what terrible acting That's who loo level acting

Shut the fuck up, right? Every you laugh at him every fucking time. Let me say something. Okay. Yeah, is it about my special Irish for Jew on you know, right now It's not click on it right now. We're gonna load it up later. You're gonna watch it, right? But I do want it to go on a Voyage it's gonna happen in 2023 next year. Perfect after my tour with Andrew. You doing a podcast or no We're doing a stand-up tour. When does it start? When does it end March and April? We're doing it March and April. Yeah, so in June I'll go. Yeah. Yeah That's if Theo and I show we it's sold so two weeks Bobby Tell him tell him. Hey, just so you know for all of June July. I'm not gonna be available. So ink the deal, but I can't start till August

Okay, doing on your terms. Well, but in the field starting to sort will tell him I can't start till August This shit's not that important. He should also go On a different journey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah We have an unhelpful advice. Yeah, we got a couple of rapid-fire questions from fans This is from DD Daniels favorite memory together Bobby and Ari. I remember when we loaded up my special Irish for Jew on your TV over There and it may be a lot of people watch it because I worked so hard on it for five and a half years And then and then it's like my gift to the world that I'm gonna lose half my income on it You are smart favorite one was it memory between you and Bobby positive memory

I have one when we got a that those sketch portraits made of our Hollywood Boulevard Yeah, I do remember that. Yeah, and even when I hated you I saw it like up in the top corner of the green room of this of the store. I was like, oh, that's right I don't take that down. Is it still there? I hope so I used to go to the manager's office and find your checks and tear them up and throw them away But I would never take that picture down because I still Love for you. I don't know a few grand. That makes me so mad That makes me so fucking mad. You did that. Um, my favorite memory. I think was I have another one

I have another one too. Okay. My favorite memory was We were at that hotel The Grand Colonial Hotel in La Jolla. Yeah, right and we met those two girls on the bikes Yeah, right and one of them wanted to fuck you. Yeah, and the other one didn't want to fuck me true So me and the other one were in the closet first Bobby's on his side trying to make out and I'm trying I'm kissing and I just hear I just touch your shoulder. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, she did not. All right, man And I remember being in a closet. You made me go in a closet with the girl and we watched you fuck through the little fucking closet What was the angle?

Well, you know how they they're kind of slanted so I had to do a little angle like But I remember and I remember being like So demoralized but still a fun memory you chose wrong. I know you were the charge you had the money So obviously you got first pick you got right. Yeah. Yeah, I picked the prettier one. That's the wrong move It was a lesson. Well learned. Yeah, I learned that never picked the prettiest one. Yeah, which is the other memory We were on Hollywood Boulevard. I think Maybe Vine, but I think Hollywood Boulevard. No, it's a side-to-side street and it was is around like man's Chinese Sitting at a cafe outside eating and Bobby's paying for it. He's always paid for it. Very very generous always and

We just saw this guy running and we heard this like Arab kind of Armenian guy going stop him He stole shoes. Stop that man. This black guy's just fucking running and this Arab guy shop owners Shop owners just right behind him like keeping up like 20 yards behind him. Stop that guy and we saw him and we're like this We're both like all we have to do is trip this fucking thief. Yeah, we caught and we both just cowardly Watch this guy run right past us and then our uncle got killed and we've turned into spider-man I don't remember that at all that never fucking happened. It was the day we got the portraits made I never fucking had a guy got we let it this fucking guy Could have been our origin that was our origin story. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right

We get another question from John underscore kung Who has jacked off his real name underscore underscore kung Who has jacked off more in one day ari or bobbing claula feel the jump feel free to jump in I know my record What's your record in one day seven? Three is my top. I beat all of you. It's so easy to come as a girl Yeah, it's like especially just like back-to-back to back. All you gotta do is think about bobbing immediately Yeah, more than seven You did more than three three. Yeah girls three is my top three. Yeah. Yeah, all right. Do you think I'm sexy?

No, no, I want it from him. Do you think I'm sexy? You're okay, I would say you be sexy in a way that like All right, that's enough Like for for an unsexy person that's so fun. It's crazy. No, you're still not sexy for those No, man, you know what you are smart But no, you're you're you're you're disgusting the ugliest you I've ever seen you're fat without having fat You're a caricature of what a Jewish artist would fucking draw as a Jew fair Your face

It's round in the way that in total recall that face that comes out of the guy's chest You have a fat round face like that. Yeah. No, I don't find you sexy in any way In fact, yeah, yeah, I would say more disgusting That's crazy because you know and it's people like you, right? Yeah That's been saying that to me all my life. Yeah, and I realized that I am sexy Wow, and you're wrong. You would think that eventually you would go. I'll show you and get in some sort of shape But instead you've chosen just to redefine what sexy I'd rather redefine it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That is smart. You are smart. Thank you

Next question Uh, for both of you guys propaganda face. I think I got propaganda face When Quinlan Lally, uh Fuck mary kill tom joe burt and why I'll fuck mary kill mary joe for the money. No, no, there's no way. I'd never marry him. Wow So, what's your three? What's your mary tom mary? Nice guy. Nice guy, too. Nice guy. I could like see his Beautiful face every day. He's on the road a lot too. So you have the house to yourself. Yeah, I kill burt. Why would you kill burt? I tried. We're too similar. I know you did

Yeah That's why his kids hate you. His kids hate you. His kids hate you. We talk all the time mean as kids. Oh, really? They can't tell burt. Okay. But yeah, but his wife. She's not a fan. Yeah, I know I hate you but my point is um It's so funny. I don't know since you've been out since you've been out. I've been in. You're in It's so great, you know, I mean and then whenever I go to the house I go I'm never gonna fucking drug anybody Yeah, because I'm a good guy. Anyway, my point is this is over. Yeah, not evil. Anyway, um, we had a good time. Yeah

That's fine. Um, so I would kill burt because we're so much alike Fuck and you fuck rogan. I know it's hard. He fucked so hard. He'd split your asshole open in a way that you didn't think was possible Yeah, he just fucking my ass would look like the joker's smile Yeah, yeah, you'd be like stitched at the end. It'd be weird. He'd just be spraying blood I know let me ask you about joe. Does he like me? I think he does Okay, he called me said you can't you can't you can't be hitting bobby anymore I was at commerce casino Well, when you were hitting me he called you back then. Yeah, he goes. No, dude. You can't don't do that

Bob was a good guy Okay, can't do that. You got it out of your system. Whatever you did it three times. I didn't listen to him Oh, I see. He wasn't he didn't say it like I was wrong enough, but But yeah, no, I think he loves you. You've never been on his podcast, huh? Huh? What since his new version I haven't the old back in the day when there was like at his house everyone was doing No, even when they were doing the ice house. Oh, yeah, I used to stop by and do it then. Have you done it? You don't want to I want to do it. I just people but I just don't know flying to austin to do it is something I don't know. You don't really go on the road. Yeah, if I was in austin

It is fun. No, I want to do it. I just you know, yeah, I think it's the number one thing people say on online like it's right. It's kind of cool to not do it because they keep saying that Yeah, I feel like that about specials Oh, I talked to peter about your special. He's like, I think I can do it I can we know how to do it. I'm like peter bobby doesn't want to do a special peter who sure. Oh, yeah You're trying to talk him into thinking he has no interest in. Yeah. Yeah Anyway, it's it's not okay. Yeah, let's move on any question any that's it. Fuck mary kill kalala Oh, oh, Tom Bertjo. Um, definitely mary tom definitely mary tom. Um, I would

Bert would be a lot of fun to be married to I think Bert for I think he'd have he'd have we'd have whimsical sex Bert would yeah And I would probably unfortunately kill joe Yeah, sorry Killing joe would hurt all of comedy I do too. Believe that go ahead I might I might kill I would want to marry Bert because he'd be the most fun and also he's the soonest to die So he would leave me with

I never thought that way But also if I got to kill one of them my friends with all of them Why not kill the guy who only has tops 11 months left? As it is right. So kill Bert I'd want to marry him and kill him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That would be a tough one I I um, I might fuck Bert also because there's no way he's gonna hurt. Yeah, it's all Bert. Yeah, yeah Sweetie pie and he's got the big cheeks that would take if I was atop on that and I think I would be I think it'd be softest you're really contemplating this yeah, so

Fuck or I assume if I if I marry you also get to fuck. Yeah, that's the yeah. Yeah, of course And kill who you could fuck, right? You can also kill who you marry on your own. Can you kill by fucking? Oh, that's what I would Kill by fucking Ruru. Ruru. Yeah. Yeah. Is that the sound it makes in the film? Die by fucking Yeah, I'd fuck Bert and kill him Bert and kill him. Yeah. Yeah by my fucking. Wow. I fuck him so hard Yeah

Anyway, anyway, so another exciting edition of uh tiger bell watch Ari's thing Can you put a link to it up on this button? We're gonna do everything. We're gonna fucking promote it, dude. How? George you gotta take care of Yeah How about this? Oh my god, when I get to my six millionth view You do a video saying the holocaust. We're done now We don't want to hear about it anymore Ari got six million views. We're now done with the holocaust

Okay, yeah, okay, I'll do that. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. So everybody Oh, look who you put makeup on your face. No. Yeah, there's makeup dent. Oh, yeah, for sure Look at you, dude. Yeah, it's filtered. You look great But you have good skin even without it I do it's recently just started to age But how many times did you do it one time four all you did for you edit it all together Yeah, did you have to keep relighting the candles? Yeah overnight because we tested them They were 80 hour candles

Then we put them up and the air conditioning came on and they were in a big five hour candle So we had to source 6,000 candles. Oh my god. Oh my god. Jesus Christ. Yeah. Anyway, give a round of applause Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music Download the amazon music app today or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey