TigerBelly - Episode 11: The Issue with the Tissue

Episode Date: October 30, 2015

Bonus Belly! Bobby rejects the science of eating poop. Khalyla confronts a mortifying possibility of sibling love. We fan out out old flames, show you how to exercise your penis in a crossfi...t kinda way, and teach you how to deflect the teachings of L. Ron Hubbard.    Recorded October 29, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbellySee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today I'm Bobby Lee and you're listening to Tiger Belly and this is our 11th episode and I'm here alongside with Coloco and Gilby and This is our 11th episode like I said, I'm very excited The reason why we're doing an extra one this week is because Coloco was depressed today And I just can't stand it when she's sad So I decided because she when we do podcast she feels better and it's not making her feel any better I don't feel like it is. You're speaking on my behalf. That's not that's actually untrue. I apologize that you're not wrong
Starting point is 00:01:04 I am depressed, but that's because I suffer from depression. There's There's nothing you can do to There's nothing you can do to make me feel better. It just has to pass on its own Okay, well, I mean I can do things to cope. I can you know, I cannot put myself and you know shitty situations But it's like the best way I always describe it to people It's like being in Disneyland with everyone that you love listening to your favorite music and still feeling like you have a
Starting point is 00:01:34 Dark cloud over your head. Well, if I was at Disneyland with everyone I loved I want to kill myself because I fucking hate Disneyland, but no you don't You I remember when we first started dating you were like, let's go to Disney because that's what chicks like and that's I was Trying to get in your pants. So where do they like they like fantasy shit, right? So we went to Disney. I asked if you want to go to Disneyland and I said no you want to fuck though Yeah, and we did and I'm so grateful and Also on top of that the person that should be the most depressed is Gilbert because I saw a video of him online When he was fat and dancing for some fucking commercial and it was so sad to look at it
Starting point is 00:02:12 I literally looked at it. I want if I was that person I would probably offer myself poor gg boy You look like a brown pinto bean dancing for corp corporate money. Yeah, it was so sad And that's another video. It was a bad mime. You see you're you're Last name Gilbert stop it. Why is what's your last name? Why is the emphasis on the word fat? Who cares if he was fat? I'll tell you why what's embarrassing is the fact that he was Body rolling in a in an auto insurance commercial. Yeah, if fat or skinny, that's just embarrassing Shouldn't you guys be happy for me that I was fat and still booking hang on But you know what sweetie? You were in a El Poy logo commercial doing a chicken dance. How is that any different?
Starting point is 00:02:57 You cannot find it online. Oh, that's right. I hide all my horrific shit You know, I haven't learned that yet. It's like when Robert didn't know about the rights to I think Frankenstein Uh, remember he played Frankenstein. Yeah, it was one of the worst movies ever made You can still see it though, right? I don't think you'll find it. No. Oh, yeah I mean it was really that bad But um, yeah, I'm sorry that I I saw those videos because it really put me in a bad mood now. I'm depressed My acting depressed you and also he was also in an Asian sketch group and I asked him sincerely I go, why can't I be in it because you're being sarcastic now?
Starting point is 00:03:32 I want to be in your Asian sketch. Okay. Look at me right now and ask me you want to be in it without a smirk or a Glint in your eye. Okay May I please be in your Asian sketch group already used it? May I please you're fucking with me? What are you talking about? Did I score or squint? Yeah, you're squinting all the time. Okay? Well, whatever you realize that Bobby has been He's been an outcast in the Asian community for a very long time He just wants to be a part of something gg boy Well, we did send an email to his manager three years ago when he was in Chicago and he never responded. That was you guys Oh, yeah, was that really you guys? We wanted to cameo one of our videos. We're about to launch
Starting point is 00:04:09 You were busy packing the house at Up Comedy Club. Oh, was that dirty? Oh, that was up. Yeah Why don't you come down and say and you know what I respond to when people come up to me and they go Hey, can you be on my sketch video actually Bobby has a problem because he doesn't know how to say no So he'll always say yes, and he'll leave it up to me to say no are there Well, you don't say that out loud because now people are gonna ask me for shit Let's listen to this and then I have to fucking say yes No, what well we planned what I told you to do was say I don't know I have to check because my girlfriend handles my schedule. Yeah, and then you send them to me and I say no
Starting point is 00:04:46 Mm-hmm. Is there embarrassing stuff of you online? Oh, yeah, I've done a lot of bear embarrassing thing in my career embarrassing things in my career But they're not online for some reason. Hmm. Yeah, but I've done like maybe 50 things that I'm like I wish no one sees that but this was before the internet age really I mean internet was there, but it's just not it's not the YouTube age. What about you? Oh, Absolutely, nothing on the MMA thing online. Nope. We have to put that online. Please do what thing so the thing that you hosted Oh, Koleila hosted a MMA video Long Beach and it looked like a train was about to hit her Going a thousand miles per hour. I mean she looked like a deer in the headlights. Welcome to battle
Starting point is 00:05:25 Long Beach where the fiercest competitors are going to fight The camera We listen we really have to put that on Yeah, we do you realize that I was doing a friend of favor. Yeah, that's all it's always in that case He actually works. He did the Evan Tanner documentary And he also works for the UFC. He's one of the I think he's one of the I don't know actually, but he works on the ultimate fighter. It was a fucking favor and it was a sizzle reel Oh fucking big deal, but three minutes long. Can we put that on the Bobby Tiger belly dot-com?
Starting point is 00:06:03 No, thank you website. No, thank you. We were going to listen right now. I was This is years ago. I don't care. We're gonna put listening listen right now. Okay, we're gonna put Gilbert's fat dancing video on the web the website our website's not even up yet I know but when it comes up put on Instagram We'll put our stuff on and then we're gonna put her hosting on on the website We have to do it and then I'll find something that I'm embarrassed about Because it's so embarrassing for you. You're you're never embarrassed Yeah, that's would you be embarrassed by the El Pollo? No, and that's how you should be in life
Starting point is 00:06:38 I don't give a fuck. Yeah, but I was literally a frozen deer in head. I know and I love it And also it's like why were you embarrassed with that sketch group or whatever? I saw it who cares because you said you literally just said a few seconds ago that you were about to fire him for Being fat and dancing in an auto insurance commercial. True. Yeah, but you know now you're telling him He shouldn't be embarrassed. You were embarrassed for him while I would be more. I would be more inclined to You know respect you if you said I don't give a fuck No, but I do give a fuck why if a manager at this day if a manager agency is that they'd be like, oh my god It's what this kid. Yeah, but the thing is is that it's like listen to me right now, okay?
Starting point is 00:07:19 They everyone has their own, you know, I mean tonal vision that they live in right and you're not gonna be on anyone's radar through a fucking YouTube video You're right. That's true. There's just yeah. Yeah, it's just listen YouTube is so oversaturated with just Billions of videos that it's damn near impossible to really like big up any awful things about I tell young kids It's like, you know, I mean the day will come when they'll all come after you. Yeah, but that day, you know, I mean will happen After you do it yourself Like for instance, I tell this story, which is true where I couldn't get an agent for the life of me until I got mad TV But I got mad TV with no agent. Yeah, your manager there, right the yeah
Starting point is 00:08:02 But I had this lady Abby who's still my manager today, you know manage the one of the producers of the show That's yeah, but the thing is is I was with Abby for a very long time and nothing happened and it was a fluke You know, it was just like one of those things where Lauren Dombrovsky who was managed by my manager just after my manager asked a thousand times can Bobby audition for Matt TV She went all right, you know, and so then Nicole Garcia saw me and I think it was one of those situations where who's Nicole Garcia She's now a manager. She manages a bunch of comics, but at the time she was a casting director and she I came in and You know, I mean, I really didn't expect anything and I
Starting point is 00:08:44 She's like that was actually pretty good. And then I went back again. I went back nine times Oh damn two months like I went in all the time. Was your audition stand-up or no, I just did I'd never done sketches before So I just wrote a bunch of stupid characters. I think I did at Yoko Ono. I did Chaoyun fat and then I did I Forgot the Dalai Lama or whatever and they were all the same character Yeah, and basically I went in but I you know, I was able to figure it out, but you have to do it on your own you know, and it's like Delia, you know, people go all his dad helped him. No, Delia
Starting point is 00:09:20 Hit went up three times a week a night. You know, I mean Yeah, open mics You know, he signed up. He waited in line. He did all the things that you needed to do You can't do it, you know without that, you know, I mean, so it's like that's why I encourage you to do stand-up Do everything you can yeah, you know Because there are kids out there like I remember when I was when I didn't know Steve Byrne like personally I we had talked on the phone a couple of times He lived in New York and he called me out of the blue because I had did the tonight show in the late
Starting point is 00:09:54 Like in 2000 he saw it. He called me out of the blue He got my number from Barry Katz who was a manager and and then I you know I asked him like how many times you go up. He went up one time 18 times in one night Jesus in New York. Yeah, I mean, this is like and he's and you have to respect that, you know You know, you know guide the guys that put in the work and they you know, which makes me even thinks all the more of Quincy that that an open mic or that guy who has cancer right now He did he did a thousand and it's all documented a thousand open mics in one year. Whoo Yeah, that's commitment. That's somebody who wants to make it
Starting point is 00:10:35 That's somebody who's putting in the work the daily grind and you know what he deserves God gave him cancer is it as a reward Sucks it does suck. Yeah, it was so sucks my stomach hurts so fucking bad right now Jenna made me go to Gelsons by this Stupid little concoction of just coconut meat and coconut water And I think I'm on the verge of shitting my pants. Don't listen to a hippie. Yeah, it's I fucking told you about hippies, baby Okay, it's just coconut water. I think hippie about coconut water hippie bastard comes in with her long fucking armpit hairs In her gypsy ways, I don't lock eyes with her because if I do I'll fucking, you know, I mean Transform into a fucking. I don't know. Oh, man, you're going somewhere. Yeah, but you know what I'm saying
Starting point is 00:11:23 Yeah, we felt there's just something about her and her whimsical ways that I tried to fucking. I'm not gonna let her get me Gilbert just trying to possess me. I'm not gonna let it happen. Gilbert said that I should he's like Oh, be a Filipino white and drink seven ups and so you have a stomach ache and I told him I was like, no I'm gonna eat my poop. That's the Kaleila method. I thought you were joking and no, I'm being serious Eat you know, you know that oh, so you don't know this. No You guys don't know this. I don't eat Fuck, Bobby doesn't know this is so weird. No, no, no, I personally Listen, no, no, listen, I'm gonna say right now before you say what you say
Starting point is 00:11:58 And I'm gonna give you the time to say what you're gonna say But if you tell me right now that you've eaten poop before we have We're gonna have a very fucking big problem No, what I said was what I was telling Gilbert was that people actually eat frozen poop pills For severe diarrhea and diarrhea caused by this thing called C difficile what people the mud people
Starting point is 00:12:22 I mean, who the fuck are we talking about? This is what they do in hospitals So like when people are like really really really sick in the hospitals and they're on usually what happens is that they're on A lot or like a long treatment of different types of antibiotics So those antibiotics kill off the bacteria in their stomach And so they have an overpopulation of like this one type of bacteria called C difficile Mm-hmm, and it it releases all these toxins and it ruins like their intestinal lining So they get extreme just like literally the worst and I'm telling you from experience
Starting point is 00:12:54 You have not quite smelled anything like C difficile It smells like toad jam And shit see smell those times 100 Okay, okay. Well, yeah, it's it's a very very very Very distinct smell. So what they do is because these people can't go on antibiotics anymore Is that they've created these little frozen poop pills? What what animal or what is a human poop? Oh human poop. So people
Starting point is 00:13:22 They usually it is legal I'm telling you guys now that this exists before they used to do fecal transplants where they will take actual shit And do through a colonoscopy or through one way or the other put it either through your nose But then people would gag, right? So then they were like, oh, we don't want people accidentally inhaling the shit And it doesn't you don't want that in your lungs because you don't want it in your body No, are you kidding me? You do want it in your body Your gut is full of health beneficial bacteria. Most of the bacteria in your gut is beneficial Yes, I'm being serious you guys. Have you ever eaten poop pills? No, but I would if I had if I was that sick with diarrhea
Starting point is 00:14:04 All right, well Look, obviously like for instance, if I had it right now, you could lie to me all you want because I don't fucking know nothing You can it just sounds really crazy. That's all it sounds, but it actually sounds smart It's like you're going back to basics. Look you want to repopulate your gut with good bacteria Where do you find good bacteria in your gut? So if your gut has already lost all its own natural bacteria, I'm going to ask my friend Bobby or you gg boy to be like Hey, I need to repopulate my gut
Starting point is 00:14:38 Give me your good bacteria. But how are you going to give that to me? Through your feces So it has I have to it has to go back into me in Korea. We have a pill where you put calm Oh, shut the fuck up. Bobby and let me talk and zichu's Okay, and we freeze it too, right? And then when you have a bifyllic Lee No, don't laugh. That's what I heard this before Angorian, you know, I mean gory. Yeah, and gory and deep tissue issue. Yep. Did you rhymes? You know, I mean, yeah, you did tissue issue. You take this pill, right? What it does is it cohabitates to your
Starting point is 00:15:15 Spinal rhythms. Absolutely. Yeah, and then it ingests within itself, right? And it creates an abundance of antibiotics. Wow, that helps with the body. Could you be more eloquent like Bobby, please? I'm sorry. I just don't have it in me. You know, I Spinal but do you understand that like that's what I heard when you talked That what eating poop is a real thing and that it makes it treats diuretics chronic and you know what Zichu's and my own cum. You know what I mean does the same thing. Why do you? Why do you reject science? Why do you reject anything that might sound remotely? Like intelligent deal with every day. It's like this mind. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:15:56 I mean in my 20s. I used to date dum-dums. You know what I mean? What's the Vietnam War? I had a girlfriend say that to me. Yeah. Yeah, I swear to God. Come on. Yeah, Jennifer. What's the Vietnam War? Don't say names Bobby. Okay. Don't say Jennifer Jen. Don't say Jen. All right. I had another one that says um is Beatles really a band? You're joking. I swear to God. And I go. Yeah. Don't say her name. I'm not gonna say it. I'm not gonna say it because she's I still know her. But my point is is that and so you you know, you you go. Oh, I gotta date somebody that's smart But then you date this right and then you just get all these fucking factual shit. No, but here's the misconception about me
Starting point is 00:16:36 I'm not smart. I'm actually Pretty stupid most of the time. It's just that I read a lot and I absorb a lot. So I'm like, you know, you call them like Absorbatrons. Yeah, so I'm a generalist. I know little tidbits of a lot of things But I I'm actually just inherently. I don't feel like I'm I I'm I'm intelligent. I just female Joe Rogan. You know a lot Yeah, but see Joe actually Delves deep into like philosophical things because he actually has taken DMT, which I want to try You can't do it because you're you're I want to argue with Joe, but like there's something about it too good
Starting point is 00:17:14 Well, he's it's not he is very good. It's not it's that he is very good. Okay But he's scary. I know but what it is is that because he looks like you know, I mean a human muscle That is right like his face. You could just see all the muscles beneath his eyes Yeah, you mean his cheeks are muscular, you know, I mean and his fists are like, you know, I mean the thing Yeah, right like they're just perfectly like look at hammers. They look like hammers. No neck. No neck. So you just kind of go Yeah, I agree. I'm not gonna disagree But I think a lot of that has to do with please don't hurt me Yeah, you know, so it's like I can't have an argument with him. You know, I mean because I feel like he's gonna crush me
Starting point is 00:17:54 Yeah, I he's he would never touch me. You know, I mean no matter what I said, you know, because he's a nice guy But I'm just saying You know that he's intimidating in that way He is really intimidating and also because he's a really well-read guy. It's like no matter How you how you look at it and even if you say well, he's not a doctor. He's not this but it's like, you know what? He's actually got a hell of a lot more sense than a lot of doctors that I know He thinks outside the box, which is something which is a trait that like most people even Professionals don't have people who are working in a medical field don't have because they went to school
Starting point is 00:18:25 Then they're considered smarter than him. No, it's actually not true. He's so much more You know, he's also wise in many ways like about four months ago. I was like really depressed I was in the comments. Can we stop sucking his dick now? Is our podcast not the drill? The last thing I want to say though is is that I um, I go I'm really depressed and he goes Just look at life like you're in a movie It was like a weird thing like dude, everything's a set. You know what I mean? You're an actor in a movie, you know, I mean and for some reason at the time
Starting point is 00:18:50 It just really made sense to me. You know, I mean it doesn't help right now But my point is it's not helping right now But um, you know, but he's you know, he's a nice guy and I was at 7-Eleven last night with Kalayla and I saw um You know, they should they had they sell DVDs there. Yeah shitty stuff. Yeah, I saw every season of mind of mincea One through five like all of them And they were you know how much they were like you're talking about 12 discs in a fucking season, right? Five bucks a piece. No five bucks all of it for one season for the whole yeah
Starting point is 00:19:28 No, but there was like all the seasons you can't get five bucks. It's not a dollar a season It's five dollars for one. I thought it was five dollars for like all the seasons. No, no, but still bad No, that's very bad. That's really bad a box set of a fucking tv show of a season five dollars We're doing a podcast for free guys. Yeah, but that's different. This is not a friend's cost like 200 dollars 300 dollars for the whole thing Yeah for one box. Yeah Yeah, like my star trek ones were not cheap. They're like 50 bucks for a season Five dollars and it's like oh, there was a bunch of them I guess maybe for the mexicans. You just lesson learned. Don't piss off Joe Rogan. No, I just feel I feel no
Starting point is 00:20:08 It's not that. I mean, I think Carlos maybe did it to himself He did do it did it to himself. He didn't you don't think he did it to himself. I know he did do it I know he did it to himself, but it's like very difficult To see Somebody that you love essentially, you know, I mean not do great and then there's nothing I can do to defend him because he Did it to himself. You did you made that video? That was because he cornered me. I don't want to talk about that Yeah, you talked about it
Starting point is 00:20:38 Wait, yeah, I'm just saying I just want to just say it's just a sad thing, you know that I want to talk about something a little bit more heartfelt so Steve Lee Bobby's brother Celebrated his seven-year sobriety yesterday and Bobby and I Went to his AA meeting and gave him a cake And um, we're not supposed to talk about this, babe. Oh, we're not but you know what let's do it Anyway, so we're already in I don't know the rules. See this is also the problem that you you you the mistakes you guys made
Starting point is 00:21:07 Yeah, they invited me to go to a closed meeting. You're not allowed to do that, right? Bring family. No, well, you're allowed to bring family, right, but open meetings. No, you can bring family for cakes Right, but they leave like we did Yeah, but what the point of my story was Bobby and I cried A lot because my brother was very heartfelt in his in his speech That's awesome. I mean, here's a guy who seven years. He's been sober, you know, and he was you can't tell Even with me people can't believe that I was A full-blown 24 hour a day drug addict. You can't really people. I can't you know, I mean
Starting point is 00:21:45 So people also can't believe you're still not on drugs just based on the way you act Yeah, people think yeah, but no people give me drugs after shows and stuff But like But it's you know, it's a difficult thing to do, you know, I mean, but he I'm proud of my brother Yeah, because I didn't do it. He just one day just says I can't do it again or I'm gonna die and he just When he went he goes to his own meetings. He goes to his he has his own group of people In fact, if sometimes I want to go to his meeting, he won't kind of he'd be like, can you just go to your meeting? You know, I mean he different circles. Yeah, because he wants it to be his own
Starting point is 00:22:15 It's meaningful for him. Yeah, it's very meaningful for him and um, I didn't I didn't expect to go there because I've given Bobby a cake before and it's always like give a cake blow. You know, you sit down. I didn't I didn't expect Um to Cry the way I did. Yeah. I just looked at him and it was just sincere and like heart felt and like I had never seen Steve he's such a jovial guy all the time. You know, we see him laughing being playful He gets serious like we get into spats all of us once in a while, but it's never he's never looked vulnerable He's always been this, you know, a happy go lucky dude, right? Yeah, and so to see him, you know Just be emotional like that. Yeah, like really like I couldn't all I wanted to do was like hug him for five minutes
Starting point is 00:22:59 And I did like it was just He started getting his using up to the point where he was hallucinating Like he I took him to hawaii ones and this is back when you know, we didn't have like smartphones And we still had cell phones But so we I had this digital camera when they first came out, right not first came out, but And this is years ago and he and he he took my camera and he left for like eight hours into the night in hawaii And he came home and he goes, hey, dude, I got him on camera I go what?
Starting point is 00:23:32 He goes hawaii ghosts I swear to god I go, let me see Every single photo was complete black Oh, man, that's but he goes. Do you see them? And I was really fucking worried Because I think there was obviously nothing there, you know, I mean, but he was like losing his fucking mind You were sober at the time, right? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Yeah
Starting point is 00:23:53 What nothing that's that's really funny, which reminds me I was in hawaii once and I I one time I had a prostitute there and she made me wear two condoms That's a double bag. Yeah, I double bagged it. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I don't want to say that but that didn't happen It ripped. I just why are you always telling stories that break my heart boo? How does that bother you? How does that bother you? You guys don't even know what bothers me. Okay in the last episode I said I was oh, yeah, I was not bulletproof guys Things hurt me and I'm depressed right now. You don't think I fucking get hurt when I say Saul Okay, should we rehash old relationships your favorite ones to tell you tell me four of your most memorable ones
Starting point is 00:24:31 Is that the Ronaldo looking dude? He looks like Ronaldo. Yeah. Yeah She's the dead of soccer player right before me. Maybe you always we've said this to people You've said this to people 6,000 times already. Okay, I'm just saying I get threatened too, babe You don't get threatened by him. He doesn't even speak English. Hi, babe How was our love ever going to happen? I know. Anyway, um, give me your top four best or worst No, you tell me first. Well, not best or worst just memorable
Starting point is 00:25:00 Well, I I I remember all of them Problem I feel like no memorable in not a good way I feel like the difference between you and I is that you didn't have traumatizing relationships I've had traumatizing relationships. I've always been in relationships where it's been 60 40 Who's giving 60? I'm 60 But you're giving 60 and someone else gives you 40 inches of just the power, you know what I mean of it Oh power giving into the relationship. No every relationship. There's a somebody has more power in the relationship What do you mean? Is it based on who loves who more because they always say like yeah, sometimes women have more power
Starting point is 00:25:38 You know, I mean like the guy is like I'll do anything for you and they have all the Women have 80 of the power in a relationship. I know guys that are like you guys agree when people say that um in or um in order for a really Someone always has to love one person more than the other Like it's not like I believe that I think actually I believe that That makes me really sad. So in between you and I I love you more I don't think so. Yeah, I love you more. I don't think so. I think people believe that I am way more obsessed about No, I love you more. Well, let's play the newlywed game and see if they have the same answers
Starting point is 00:26:14 What was the first location you guys kissed in the count of three one two three living room living room at the Bobby why are you copping me bro? At her house in Long Beach. Oh, he's not gonna forget that because he tried a kamikaze pilot my vagina. Yeah. Yeah, okay, you know And then the first one the first time we had sex She wouldn't let me stick it all the way in So remember that times you just stick the tip. Oh, no, I was doing this like drill work. It was like, um, yeah It was really weird. It was like, um, it was during the day. I remember that So like, you know how in when you work out at the gym like when you do crossfit there are stations
Starting point is 00:26:50 Yeah, so that's basically what it was. You do push-ups here. You do like 60 jumping jacks here You do, um, you know, try set pull downs here or whatever you do squats over there That's I wanted him to do a circuit like an exercise circuit. Yeah So that's what he would have to do So we'd have to put five pumps in just the tip though And then he would back out and then do like four like jumping jack Yeah, yeah, it was really really weird and then and then come back and then we would make out for 10 seconds It was like getting Richard Simmons or something and then he would like and he would finger me for 15 seconds
Starting point is 00:27:21 Then I'd be like stand back go back. Yeah, and then I'll put it in again for, you know, five pumps Remember, listen, we'll post this workout You could try the tiger belly sex workout. It's a sex circuit and the second time or third time But he pre he he he produced he pre-nutted so much. He I got pregnant for that from the sexual circuit Why only five pumps? Yeah, because it's like He's like pre come was literally all over and I kept asking him. Are you sure you haven't you didn't come and he was like, yeah, I'm sure And I was like, well, it's everywhere. It's like a horse trying to catch the carrot, right? And then when he finally catches the carrot, he nuts, you know what I mean? Yeah
Starting point is 00:27:59 But you kept saying you didn't nut I don't fucking remember. Did you did you enjoy this? Yeah, well, it was weird. Yeah, I like weird shit. Okay. And then the third time I swore to fucking god She goes she punches me in the face Right as hard as you can right off the bat right when we're like having sex. Yeah, and she goes Are you gonna kill me now? And I my heart I got scared You got turned on. Oh, no. No, I know. Oh, it's amazing. Okay. Yeah, and then I would I choked her
Starting point is 00:28:30 Yeah, and then you know, so far right right mom and it's so sad because now he can't even get it up for me. Okay I'm gonna I don't need to rehash that are we gonna rehash old relationships now because I have a pretty interesting story. Okay, go you start So I should I start with just interesting not like horrendous or traumatic. I'll do I'll do traumatic after Okay, you're gonna say names though, right? No, I'm not gotta say names. You gotta say names. I'm not at least first I'll but you tall it. I'll say the name this guy is a That makes a way more. Actually, you don't know the name of this one. You have met him though Oh, you have met him. He's a very he's gonna try to figure it out right now. He doesn't know the name
Starting point is 00:29:03 He probably has the worst memory with names. Okay. If you don't say names, right? I've told you this story So it doesn't fucking matter. It's not gonna hurt you. I go ahead. He's gonna power fuck if you don't say name so when um, my father, um, went to the philippines and befriended this Guy that he was in the military with right who also ended up having a family in the philippines, right? And so his kid or his that guy's grandkid along with me and my the rest of my family We all sort of grew up together, right? And later on in our lives. We reconnected. I was now 19 years old We reconnected I reconnected with this guy who I grew up with and we ended up having like a little love affair um
Starting point is 00:29:43 and We hooked up in the philippines for a long time and then we came back to the us and my friends started to Say comments like hey, you guys really look alike And I used to think yeah, you know people who date each other after a while start to look like each other right there We say that right? But then my best friend Jessica Straight up pulled me to the side and he was she was like, you know dude like I'm not kidding Like is there a possibility that you guys could be related?
Starting point is 00:30:11 And I was like no fucking way like I know his grandfather whatever whatever like the lineage is completely separate, right? And so I Just because I was just being you know Almost in a joking way. I asked this guy I said, hey, like you know everyone says like we look alike like jokingly. I was like, could we be related and he was like I gotta tell you something kalayla And I said, what the fuck are you gonna tell me right now? he's like, you know
Starting point is 00:30:42 grandma Never liked the idea of me dating you, but she could never tell me why And then I said what what the fuck are you talking about? Are you hard like I am right now? Come on guys. Yeah, tell him more just lower As it turns out there is I asked my mom this is like look is there any way that I could be related to him? She's like no no no and I was like well, is there any way that papa Got into an orgy with with his mom or whatever and because everyone was so close in the philippines. They had the same circle of friends
Starting point is 00:31:14 So what I'm saying guys is I could have possibly fucked my brother There was we have never done dna tests and I basically don't want to know and Um, you fucked your brother I'm well, is it say do I need to fight this out? Like is it my should I find this out? You 100% should he has a family now? He just had a kid. I don't give a shit could be you have to know that you fucked your brother Is the intervention because I have always wanted you to have a brother so I can do stuff right You'd fuck my brother
Starting point is 00:31:48 Play video games and stuff, but um, should I show you a picture of him and you tell me yeah, yeah I'll show you afterwards. Yeah, it's a show afterwards on the website, too Yeah, but I try to put this memory in the back of my mind. Sorry Bobby's playing with his dick like he's a monkey. No, I'm not Stop I just told you I could have fucked my brother and you're fucking jerking off. I'm not even touching it. Oh, yeah Gigi boy, look away. No, it's hard not to look away. Gigi boy. Why are you looking right at it? I won't look at it Oh god, I was doing the tongue thing while looking at your turn one one traumatic relationship I don't really have that. I wasn't even traumatic for me. Talk about fucking your mom. Yeah, uh, I fucked my mom one summer and bobby with
Starting point is 00:32:28 He has way worse stories than that. What which one talked about or never We said we'd say it on the 50th episode on the first episode. You almost told the worst story ever told We're gonna say that for the 50th. No, we can never tell that one. Okay. Let's not um, well I dated a Scientologist. Okay. Tell us that story So I was at I was opening for martin lorenz in the main room at the comedy store And it was a cute white chick in the audience. I go can I buy you a drink? She said yes And we got numb each other's number and I can't say her name Obviously, I don't want to fuck over. I also I'm afraid of Scientologists. We live right next to the fucking
Starting point is 00:33:04 Yeah, and also I just I wanted to say if our cats are killed. It's their fault. No, no, no, no I want no, I want to say I want to say that whatever religion That you want to you know practice. Why are you so afraid of them? Whatever religion you want to practice. That's your is america. You're a pussy That's your baby because it's not how you really feel. So he's just saying that's no, no, that's what you Anyway, it's being serious. Okay. So she was the nanny of a big Scientologist actor Okay, all right, and so she lived underneath him, you know, I mean his house And he was really hot at the times. He was never home
Starting point is 00:33:43 So basically I just stayed hung out at that house, right and he she babysat at his youngest daughter beautiful girl and um and she um She just started going hey, you should come to the celebrity center So I went over there once and I did the can machines, you know, I mean And what do they call those? I forgot what those are called those little meters that you know, yeah like Measure your um emotions and your sadness Yeah, sorry dick almost hit my face. That's all right, and then um And then what happened was I could just feel that they
Starting point is 00:34:20 I needed to join You felt the pressure. Yeah a little bit. Yeah and so and because we go to these parties and And like parties were they were all there like a list, you know, I mean just at this guy's house Can you say who some of the celebrities are? No, but it's I mean, you know who the celebrities are Whatever the celebrities you think that they are they're there. Yeah Not the huge ones not the Travolta's or the Tom Cruise's okay, but all the young ones, you know, I mean And then I was this is when the whole Vince Vaughn thing happened
Starting point is 00:34:51 If you listen to our podcast, you know what about it and I needed to go to rehab And what you know, I mean, I just was I knew I had to go you're an addict I was an addict and one day I'm at my house in Silver Lake. I got a knock on the door Her mom some other white old man that was there in a suit And she came in and they gave me this intervention But they told me to go to some facility that they had Like, you know, I mean that wasn't even in the state because they don't believe in any type of like Like 12-step psychiatry or anything like that. They say that basically your your body is invaded by
Starting point is 00:35:22 um, Theatons, right or like yeah, like an out for like a out of um, the alien like basically aliens alien souls and basically you have to get rid of these body Theatons in order to be absolved of all your misery, right? So anyway, she um I said, yeah, I'll do it I lied So I can just get them out, right? Oh because they cornered you they cornered me in my fucking apartment. I go, I'll do it. They left, right?
Starting point is 00:35:53 And then jasmine stayed and I broke up with her How did you say her name dumb dumb? Oh, fuck it. You didn't say jasmine. Oh, okay. It doesn't matter That's your most traumatic story is that you almost became a Scientologist He didn't say it was most traumatic. I fucked my brother Say it one more time like you mean it You guys, I fucked my brother Maybe I fucked man Well, I don't have sorry. I don't have a story like that. That is not even remotely traumatizing
Starting point is 00:36:19 So what you almost became a Scientologist and possibly a great, I don't know. I don't know I could be I could be on Mars right now. You know, you could have been a really rich movie star digging a hole for somebody You could have been travolta Locked in his secrets of Gayhood, I don't have stories like that man. Can I tell you another um relationship story of mine? That's my memorable fucked another brother go ahead Oh Bobby go ahead then So this is actually a traumatic one and I I
Starting point is 00:36:51 Um, it took me a long long long long long time to get over this because I feel like I was so emotionally traumatized And a lot of the a lot of the issues that we had earlier in a relationship Bobby and I was basically Stuff that I carried over from this one traumatic relationship. His name is alex. I stop it It's okay. We'll beep out because you fucked up and said I know I had to fuck up your story It's because I fucked up mine. Yeah alex. Yeah, he's a tattoo artist out of Long Beach. Anyway Yeah, it's not a big deal. Don't worry about it guys. Yeah Now I'm not gonna tell you the story. I'll tell it. He used to beat her
Starting point is 00:37:27 Whoa, you need to tell it now and he cheated on her. He beat her cheated on her treated like shit You know, I mean one time he had some tattoo thing that he had to do in San Francisco They stayed in a hovel. You know what I mean? He treated her like shit Okay, so go ahead, baby. This is a guy and yeah alex if you're listening I know about it Yeah, I don't think it's news to anybody like my entire family and like his friends basically all know that he You know, he he treated me like shit, right? But basically, um Um, you know, I think that the guy has I actually think he's a closeted homosexual And I think that the reason I forgive him now and I'm not so upset about it
Starting point is 00:38:05 Is because I think he has a lot of like repressed emotions and I think he hasn't reconciled with his own sexuality and I think that he is in fact one of the truest forms of Narcissists I have ever seen in my life and he's one of these guys you always see the narcissist from from they're full of declarations Right, and they always have a lot of great buddha quotes They always have great quotes by the Dalai Lama or buddha and they post it usually all over their instagram And they have a lot of like like what's his name? Um, um that guy that white guy he does like motivational speeches tim robbie Um, anthony robbins, he listens to him all day a lot of like like life affirming statements
Starting point is 00:38:44 And they always repeat it repeat it repeat it as if to almost try to convince themselves Of whatever they're trying to like, you know, whatever. I didn't that didn't make any sense But in any case this was a guy who seemingly looked perfect from a distance. He was poetic He was a published poet. He said that he was a surfer My god No, he was actually half mexican half Filipino He was a salsero. So he danced really well. He was charismatic. Everyone loved him the first It's like like all narcissists. They just seem so perfect the first 10 minutes that you meet them
Starting point is 00:39:17 So I was 22 years old. So I got sucked in pretty quickly, you know, I he was 40 I was 22 And he had he had perfected his craft of conning people Perfected it to to the because I thought that even for 22 that I was a fairly smart girl I I didn't see it I didn't see it and I don't know why I didn't see it. I don't think maybe I wanted to see it He he seemed just like somebody who would just interest me to no end and I liked artists. I like the artist types, you know Eventually, um, he cheated on me
Starting point is 00:39:55 And I didn't know how I didn't know how to cope at that time. So I ended up like writing the girl because I I used to book his tattoo appointments So I I used to call the clients and and they would call me back and we I always been correspondents with them So there was this one woman from Oakland and she was always really friendly with me on the phone I was always really polite and She knew that I was his girlfriend, but she ended up fucking him anyways. It's not her fault. She wasn't in the relationship But I got sick That's how I found out he cheated on me was he came home had sex with me and I ended up getting it wasn't an STD But it was like a pretty bad bacterial infection
Starting point is 00:40:31 And I was like, whoa, I didn't just I didn't just get this out of the blue. This isn't a yeast infection and so I confronted him And um after I confronted him, I tried to like, you know, be forgiving I was like, you know, everything's on the mend We we took a little trip to Vegas or whatever to try to like get things on the mend get things on the mend And he got upset over something ended up full mounting me on the bed And just like basically being the shit out of my face and I didn't fight back
Starting point is 00:41:00 I put my hands consciously around the back. This is making me feel sick. I'm sick to my fucking stomach, man I put my hands Consciously behind my back Because I didn't want to hit him back because I knew that I wanted Him to see me in that state. I wanted to see his own destruction. I wanted him to be like, look, you did this I didn't I I felt I almost there's something empowering about not even fighting back because I knew that after he was done hitting me that it was officially over So he I'm so angry right now. He hits me. He leaves drives back. I have no way back to Los Angeles He goes back to our home that we share changes all the locks to our home
Starting point is 00:41:44 Calls my mom at two in the morning And says all your daughter's stuff is waiting outside my home pick it up I was about to call the cops press charges. I called his best friend. I said you need to help your friend Like he's an abusive guy. He's like he's gonna be in trouble You need to bail him out because I'm about to call the cops and press charges And his best friend of 16 years said Calyla
Starting point is 00:42:10 Don't call the cops. Don't press charges. Fuck. Why? It's listen. Is it David? Listen, don't don't we're not gonna put anything out there. Is it David? But okay, it is David. There was a reason for this his best friend of 16 years, right? Anyways, I didn't press charges. I was young. I thought to not bother with it. I was okay I wasn't like so harmed to the point where I last time David comes to my show. No, are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? He had my back throat But he was the one because he didn't want to call the cops because he wanted to physically retaliate
Starting point is 00:42:44 He thought that you can do both. No beat him up. Then call. He wanted to To destroy his friend, but he said let's do it without calling the cops. Why the cops involved. Did it happen? Listen, oh my god, it didn't even happen. It didn't even happen. This is what I'm calling the cops right now. Yeah, I'm calling the cops too. No, it's already fucking statute of limitations. This was already So what did David said? Just let me just let me just get this straight. That's his best friend He doesn't want to fucking have to bail him out break it down. Yeah, so David That's not saying David. It wasn't David It was one David to company. No, it was 100%
Starting point is 00:43:20 David and so I already know so it's this okay, so he goes hey Don't call the cops on alex because you know, I'm gonna beat the shit out of them No, that's not what he said or we're gonna get him back in some way, right? It's not what he said and it wasn't David retaliate He wanted to do with mafia style. I'm sorry, but it never happened But it almost did But it I can't get into the details of it because I feel like someone could get in trouble Okay, well, yeah, that's okay. I'm not saying it did happen or it didn't happen. I don't want to throw that out there You don't know that it didn't happen. Okay. By the way, this might be a make-believe story just for legal purposes
Starting point is 00:43:59 Yeah, the legal purposes this was no because statute of limitations. Honestly, I can say this out loud now I'm not pressing charges, right? So it's like there's no proof. I yeah, like maybe there are pictures around But like as far as anyone knows it's only my sister and my direct family who know about the situation, right? But um, but um Yeah, uh, you know after that, you know That guy his friend never spoke to him afterwards and I've been friends with him for 10 years Oh, no, okay. Not not my ex but but the guy basically said don't press who wanted to go mafia style on him I just want to say this out loud. Okay. If you if jasmine if you're so if you're listening to me
Starting point is 00:44:37 Scientologists the Scientologists. All right. I believe in aliens Okay, and I believe in your cause and I had a really good seven months with you It was great. All right, and you're married now. Congratulations And david I forgive you He didn't do anything wrong. I know and I forgive you I'm just just trying to get that get it out there. All right, and we're all one happy family Is this not responsible broadcasting? It's responsible. Very responsible. I feel like it's really irresponsible because I I I was very intent on not saying names and I didn't want you to say names
Starting point is 00:45:11 But then now I feel like Like this is my problem, right because I'm so new To any type of like media with an audience. I've never done podcasting You guys have done like, you know things in in in the public eye You've been in the public eye for so long So you know the rules of what not to say what to say and I've always just been an open book because there are no rules There are no rules. Yeah, but I could I could I potentially be like Harming someone let's say for instance like my ex like what if he's not in like psychologically like a good place?
Starting point is 00:45:41 He beat the shit out of you. What the fuck are you talking about? I mean, I'm not necessarily like hung up on it anymore because it's I don't give a fuck whatever he deserves He deserves we were just supposed to rehash and make it funny. I don't give a fuck man Alex what you did was fucked up It was fucked up Right and it's like if I ever fuck it's I can't do anything. I'm small and fat But my point is is that you know, I mean if if I ever make enough money and I have enough connections I will get my revenge. You don't need to I'm going to you guys
Starting point is 00:46:09 Let me just say this how I did my how I revenge. I didn't I didn't beat it. No, you didn't get it revenge There is no equal the only revenge, right? That's equal to what you do God is if like Gilbert fucked him in the ass god dammit. Don't tell you're gonna fire me if I don't you know what he is He is I really truly feel that there is a very close correlation with narcissism and um the way that the the kind of behavior that he exhibited and closeted Homosexuality I was just talking to another girl about this almost an exact same experience and how they were treated by certain men this way And she has a suspicion that he's a closeted homosexual. So I'm saying Gilbert. You have a chance. Have you ever beaten a girl up? I would never do that. Okay. Well, then he is not gay
Starting point is 00:46:56 I mean I don't understand what you're saying. So you're basically saying that if somebody is closeted homosexual They're repressed any type of like when people can't reconcile with their sexuality. I think we're not saying on this podcast If just homosexuals in general, no, no, no, no. I'm not saying that. Yeah. Yeah repressed emotions repressed I just want to be clear Request repressed emotions regarding their childhood regarding their their parents regarding their sexuality regarding their any type of repressed emotions Always comes out in an ugly way is what I'm saying And also I actually this is this is an interesting thing
Starting point is 00:47:30 You and I are here rehashing relationships because we've been in multiple relationships Gilbert over here is actually not that much younger than us but how many Relationships have relationships. Have you been in? Oh one, but I don't even count it because it was in high school So zero you've never been in a relationship. Never Why? It's
Starting point is 00:47:51 No, look at me right now We talked about options. Can we have an emotional moment? Yeah, I want to have an emotional moment Gilbert. You're not gay, right? No, I'm not. Okay. Are you not look at me if you were would you tell us? Yeah, why would we even try to out someone right now? That's so rude. No I mean, why are the mics always on? Fuck. No, but okay, so you're not gay. No Okay, 90 10 I'm 60 40 who cares
Starting point is 00:48:18 Bobby 60 42. We're all a little bit gay. Yeah, so um And have you you don't want to be in a committed relationship? So girls ask me all the time when I'm like seeing girls or dating girls They're like, why you know, why haven't you been in a relationship? Why don't you want to be in one with me or whatever? My thing is I feel like I can't provide for a girl financially In the same way. It's an Asian thing. I feel like I'm worthless. Yeah, if I like if I stop making money Coila, I don't know if I could be able to date you. Well, I have to make way more money then and then I have to support No, but I don't think I could do it
Starting point is 00:48:50 You know, you're not down for us then because I'm down for us. All right. I would take on three jobs Just to continue to be with you, Bobby I'm down Even if I hate nursing I hate nursing, but I'll fucking work every day I have a confession to make. Oh god, you fuck. How many brothers have you fucked honestly? No, but I still check the email of my college boyfriend up until today. Well, Bobby get really angry right now for dramatic Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, stop stop. I've never said this out loud. You check his emails because he emails you every day
Starting point is 00:49:20 No, I check I go into his account Bobby's penis got really hard for some weird reason. He doesn't know that you have his account. So I dated him like a like 13 years ago now, baby. That's illegal. I know, but it's not like I care. It's become like almost like a habit It's like I literally don't care about this person right like zero But because I just he hasn't changed his password in 13 years So I just like knowing what's happened in his life. If you're listening right now change your password All ex-boyfriends of yeah, he's had like Like any ex-boyfriend of Kalila's change your passwords. In fact, I'm going to change my password
Starting point is 00:49:57 What is wrong with me? No, but I don't check anybody else's right at all. That's not true because you looked at Bobby's No, no, no, older's for younger He gave me his email and he said hey, can you he gave me but don't tap on the thing and read it? I mean, it's like I'm sorry. I was curious. Yeah Older's for younger's is a is a very, you know, it piqued my my interest. It piqued my curiosity and just fyi I want to let you know since the day I couldn't get it hard. I haven't masturbated or anything So we're gonna try it out tonight. See you want you want to try see if the reloaded gun works, baby. Yeah, let's try Not in front of gg boy
Starting point is 00:50:33 Four days. Yeah, four days. Yeah It's gonna be a total of like an eighth of a teaspoon because Hey, man, that's enough. That's enough to make it. Yeah But it's so weird because he has a lot of pre-com like I'm telling you the guy has like a cup full of pre-com But when it comes time to actually like not it's like a fucking drama imagine imagine if there was a tsunami warning, right? They go tsunami is coming right? They see one initial wave. Maybe 10 foot high. Yeah, it's gonna be a big one and then nothing happens You just have a lot of initial ways. Yeah All right, what do you want to do it? How do you want to end it? Um, I think that we have a question. No question. Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:08 I Also dated I used to date this gangster from El Monte named puppet. Oh Is he but you can see from the dangerous land of Pasadena? No, I said El Monte, bro. Jesus. The name was puppet. I'm helpful advice with bobo and colloco Uh, this is an email from a guy or a don't don't don't name her just a girl from a female named jasmine My question having been in a similar relationship like yours where I was the slim girl and the boyfriend not so slim We frequently got negative comments and how I could do better and he was out of his league Guys would hit on me in front of him and everybody had an opinion in our relationship
Starting point is 00:51:51 We tried to preserve for six years, but the negative severe We tried to persevere for six years, but the negativity eventually got to him And I was tired of constantly reminding him that he's his looks doesn't matter So questions are so how do you guys do it? Do people frequently ask bobby? What is callila doing with him? And how does callila respond when people say that she might be dating down? Thanks guys You know, it's it's funny. That's a it's a um, you know, for me, I don't I literally I'm gonna be 100 honest I go up on stage. I do a lot of self-deprecating jokes and I you know, I make fun of the way I look
Starting point is 00:52:27 But I seriously like the way I look He does I really do like I look in the mirror. I go. That's it That's what I've always wanted to look like. You know what I mean? I have never met a guy that oozed as much Confidence about his physical appearance and then would then bobby. Yeah, and I told you this I used to date I I dated a guy the australian bane who had a perfect physique basically Yeah, but it turned me off Every time he would get naked and try to cover his body. That's not bobby like when I was watching narco, right?
Starting point is 00:52:57 The show an Arcos on Netflix and um, I saw Pablo Escobar the guy after the place and he gained weight You know what I mean? Yeah, and he looks that's what I want to look like Yeah, I want to have a mustache. I want to be kind of fat. I want to wear military fatigues and I want to um, you know smoke a cocaine my my my answer to this girl is like Why was it something that you had? Why was his physical appearance and how people treated him something that you had to persevere through? Because with me and bobby, it's not something that we as a couple ever think about or talk about I mean, it's brought to our attention often say for instance
Starting point is 00:53:35 I mean we were in san francisco and you know some guys are very vocal about it Like what the fuck like they're doing the whole like what the fuck bro? Like life is unfair in arizona I would literally I was with kalayla in arizona right and I'm holding hands with her We're like in tampi or whatever and I see a white dude at an ATM. He looks over at me Blonde hair. He had physique good physique and he you could tell that he was legitimately angry Oh, wow Furious that I was holding his hand. Yeah, and I just and I do one of the smiles like what's that?
Starting point is 00:54:09 You know what I mean? What now bitch? Yeah, but it's like I don't I mean I find it baffling that people would like even be shocked by it Because it's like well also on top of it. It's like yeah, she's hot, but it's like I'm not a loser. You know what I mean? That's why I'm saying like if if it's something that you might have to Get over in the first three to six months of a relationship also this guy your boyfriend might not have had the confidence To back up his look so I'm saying what that's that's my question is was his possible We're not where this is an assumption possible lack of confidence Maybe eating away or causing him to be insecure and insecurity causing into turning into jealousy and then
Starting point is 00:54:52 Getting in the way of the relationship loss of attraction. Yeah, because that's not the case Bobby is the least jealous guy I've ever dated like he says he gets jealous of all like the fucking guys I used to date He's not he lets me I go out often with my girlfriends. I don't need to ask him That I ask him to I don't need to ask permission ever to start asking permission though. Shut the fuck up Yilder He doesn't check my because I'll tell you why I'll tell you why because of the fact that If she cheats on me, all right, then it's over. Yeah, I'll get hurt I'll go through the thing and then I'll be reborn like a phoenix Like a phoenix, you know, it's a funny thing and we just laugh about it
Starting point is 00:55:28 We don't we don't there for instance at coffee being some place like far away some guy at some like he looked like a fucking guy who obviously wasn't from LA and And he he saw me outside a coffee bean with Bobby But in his mind, he sincerely thought that Bobby was probably just like a bystander who wasn't affiliated with me whatsoever So he gets his camera his camera phone. He puts it. He gives it to Bobby. He says hey, bro Can you take a picture? Bobby then thinks that oh this guy wants a picture with me Bobby Lee Yeah, so Bobby then turns the camera towards himself the guy then then walks over to me He holds puts his arm around my shoulder and he's like, okay, we're ready. Yeah, and then I actually wanted
Starting point is 00:56:12 The guy wanted a picture now. I'm frantically going. How do I flip it? You know because I have it to the selfie thing, right? And then and then Bobby as like a fucking trooper that he is takes a picture of me with a stranger because and then the guy goes Yo, dude, like she's really hot, bro Like we don't see those type of girls like where I'm from and that's why he wanted a photograph with me And how do you handle a reaction? We laughed I don't know what the fuck about that Gilby I'm trying to help her. What? Yeah, the thing is lady. It's like you should
Starting point is 00:56:40 Don't call any girl lady. It's so derogatory. I don't like that. Say amigo Amiga. Amiga listen Listen, okay He didn't have the confidence to back up his fatness and his ugliness And so that was the problem. I think you know, I mean so, you know, and you there's nothing you can You can change in a man to get confidence really, you know I get my confidence from You know what I do for a living and also just
Starting point is 00:57:10 My age and after a while you beat, you know, you Just stop giving a fuck and I think that's a great thing about Evolving and getting better with age is that just like I've I've gotten I've dated white chicks that have literally said to me I've never thought that I'd ever even You know, I mean hug an Asian guy I can't believe that I just had sex with one Right and I have a twinkle in my eye and I do a little wink. That's right. I love when that happens. Yeah
Starting point is 00:57:41 So the takeaway message essentially for Um, this girl Jasmine Um, she was with him for six years, right, which is a really long relationship. So it's like look they made it work You guys bitched out. Yeah, they made it work for six years. That's a great number Um, I think that You know, the takeaway message is that all of us not just her and this dude All of us really just need to fucking evolve past the shallowness of anyone's physicality
Starting point is 00:58:10 Being hot is so 90s. That's so fucking, you know, Beverly Hills 90210. That's 90s What's in right now is ugly fine Bobby's ugly. I don't I don't love Kalilah because of her looks like she When I went brought her to phoenix and she took care of my father Who had a stroke a couple years ago? He's a sick man, right? And he's never like ever even talked to any of my girlfriends like he'll say two words But he doesn't know how to do it But he you could tell that my dad and my mom loved her like a daughter
Starting point is 00:58:44 They would laugh and my dad would ask her a million questions and they had conversations And I thought to myself, this is it. Holy shit. Yeah, this is you mean the first time this has ever happened And I was like, this is good. This is gonna work. You know, I mean So it's like, you know, anyway, the cats are yelling and I can't deal with it anymore So, um, wow, you're you went from an almost super romantic Just really quick really quick follow up to that from a twitter question is when's the wedding bro? uh, we don't Bobby and I don't We're so
Starting point is 00:59:19 Not into marriages or marriage as a sign of any like True unification that would you guys will never get married. Is that what it's not that? It's just that it's not a priority And I I I've always I always told my mom since age 12 that I was actually never gonna get married And I might stick by that and it doesn't mean that I it doesn't mean anything other than the fact that we just don't want to get the law involved, you know It's the love is there. I mean, it's enough. I mean basically the only thing that I I I If something should happen to Bobby, I get nothing. I'm not in his will
Starting point is 00:59:57 Which is fine. I don't want his money anyways. Look what I'm getting at is can I please emcee the reception? Yes, if Bobby and I ever get married it was for the sole purpose of just having a party party. Yeah What am I gonna do for food? I'm so hungry right now. You're hungry again. I need to fucking check your sugar, dude Come on Bobby. Maybe most people have three meals a fucking day I'm going to plug your shows because no one can hear you screaming at me right now. That was a great bonus belly That was a bonus belly. Did we even hit an hour? We did hit you guys time it perfectly at 50. Okay. Ah, that's not an hour, but it's okay. It's a bonus belly anyways Bobby will be at American Comedy Company in San Diego November 5th through 7th. That's next week
Starting point is 01:00:41 November 14th to 15th. I think I think yeah, just in time for UFC 94. We're gonna be in Vancouver at Yuck Yucks. Am I going with you sweetheart? Okay, I'll be there too and The following weekend November 20 to the 22nd. He will be at La Brea improv You can go get tickets at bobbyleelive.com find us on twitter at the tiger belly on instagram at at tiger belly email us any questions at thetigerbellyatgmail.com
Starting point is 01:01:15 We're gonna we really need to start doing those um Thumb thumb what a glue thumb giveaway soon. We could also give away those dolls that oh, yeah, we could we could Oh another thing too gg boy that I want to confront you about. I don't need that. I don't not really that anyway about it Everyone's been tweeting me that you don't know how to fucking fact check because that girl Yolanda Selena's killer is in fact alive. So get your shit together. Okay. Well, Bobby had his ipad too that he Fact-checked himself. Did you feel you were the one to fact-check that? Anyways, Yolanda still alive sweetie. So if you want to write her letters and like propose a conjugal visit I wouldn't be opposed to that
Starting point is 01:01:54 Okay, and I get anyways guys. Um We will see you next week, and I hope you enjoy this bonus belly. She's alive. She's alive Podcast not done apparently She's alive conjugal All right guys, thanks. See you next week Oh Hey prime members you can listen to tiger barely ad free on amazon music
Starting point is 01:02:44 Download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey

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