TigerBelly - Episode 114: Jesus Trejo is a Serial Doodler

Episode Date: October 25, 2017

Jesus has special teeth and loose fingers. We talk window crimes, elevator injustice, canine phobias, and how to convince your face that you're doing alright.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. What are those? What are those? Chicanos, bro. Oh, shit, man. Fuck, bro. Fuck, man. Chicanos, bro.

Chicanos. Yo, dude. You know what, dude? What do, bro? Yeah, man. Raiders, eh? Oh. The Oakland Raiders.

Yeah. What about them? Oakland. Okay. What else? What else? That's it, bro. Okay, bro.

Bye. Yo. Yo, dude. Yo, yo. But for real, dude. Oh. Shut up. I love you, I mean.

Yo, dude, we haven't had a lot of Chicanos on the show. Mexicans. We had Al magical, but he doesn't count. Really, does it count? He speaks Spanish? Did he speak Spanish? I don't know, but he doesn't look like. He's married to Karen one day.

He's like a nerd Hispanic. Right? He's still Mexican. I don't know. He is Mexican. I don't know. Because he penetrates Asian. You know what I mean?

He's like it. He's Mexican. Okay. Let's go. Let's go. Very good comic, though. And, uh, but we haven't had a full, full blooded one in ever really, to be honest with you. And we got one today.

Well, let me introduce everyone in the room first up. We got George. God, George. You know what? I made a mistake of that fucking George is a pink dick because whenever I'm on stage now, somebody yells it out in the audience. George is a pink dick. And then I had to explain to the crowd that who he is.

And I don't like doing that, but, um, we got my fucking girlfriend here. Kalyla and my partner here. We got here. Gilbo. And then we got a very special guest. Um, he's just trail. Give him a round of applause. Hey, dude.

What's up? Thanks for having me. Real boys. Real boys. Bro, I'm going to say something right now. What's going on? Do I make fun of your look? Do you make fun of my look?

Yeah. All the time. Yeah. Great. You don't look human at all. Bro. Really? I mean, you're, when you smile, you have little chicklet teeth.

Yeah. Has nothing to do with your husband. No, no, no. It's not good. And then you see a lot of gums. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I want to get sponsored by ringleys. That's what I want to get to. Yeah. Yeah. And you look like, um, remember back in the fifties, forties circus, they used to have those pinheads. I know what the disease is.

You know, you kind of have half of a pinhead. Yeah. You know what I mean? Like if you were in like a circus in the 1950s in Mexico city, killing it. Oh my God. The lines would be just all around the corner. You have a piece of it even get in to watch you. I should have went into that instead of comedy.

What? I should have went into that instead of comedy. No, dude. Because it's a problem. Here's the great thing about you, dude. Not only do you have a funny look, you're a funny guy. You really are a funny guy. You know how to write a joke.

Oh, thanks, man. Yeah. You know who you are. But dude, your face, bro. Fuck. Dude. Yeah. I get it all the time.

I mean. What do they say? What do people say? Tear drops out. This is the best roast joke I've ever heard about me. I was, we were going back and forth with Ian Edwards and Ian Edwards said, he's like, tell me why do you have the complexion of a hot black girl? You do.

Yeah, you do. You do. Yeah. But it's like, you could always tell how happy I am by the gum to teeth ratio. Yeah. Yeah. The more gums you see, it's like, oh, he's happy. Yeah.

You got a lot of gum, dude. But I'm like a dog. The more wet you see my gums, it's like, okay, he's hydrated. See, that's what I like because here's the thing, dude. I look at myself in the mirror, right? And I can make fun of myself. Oh, okay. I've always been like that.

I'm very self deprecating. I don't give a, I really don't give a fuck what I look like. Right. You know what I did when you're in high school, when you're like, you look at the mirror and go, oh, I don't look like Brad Pitt, you know, it's never going to have, it's never, you know, you realize the amount of pussy you're going to get throughout your life. And it's really depressing because when you're ethnic, you're living in America, you're weird looking, you think to yourself, I'm not, I'm going to, I'm unfuckable.

Well, you don't know that there are other ways you pay, you get famous or whatever. You know what I mean? Yeah. The things that I've done, you know, but my point is, is that, but I'm like that too. So I know what I look like. I like with the way I look. Self deprecating took me a while to get into, but I feel like comedy is the only business. It's like, look, if you were a model, you start losing your hair, careers over, but

in comedy, it becomes an asset, whatever's wrong. Like, like my, like, I can talk about my fucked up teeth. I say that my bottom teeth a little like downtown LA from far away. Holy shit. It's like a skyline. It's like a skyline. Wow. Wow.

Wow. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. There's a Bank of America. Yeah. Yeah. Like now I can't fix it because I have a joke.

If I fix it, I lose five minutes of material. Yeah. Yeah. Don't ever fix it. Kind of like my comover. Once it started falling off. Yeah. Oh, like I literally shaved off 20 minutes.

And then I have this hologram. I remember your comover. Yeah. The comover. Oh yeah. Pablo Francisco got his teeth fixed. Really? Yeah.

But one day he just showed up with like, you know, the mask of teeth or the movie the mask. The perfect. Yeah. Yeah. Purely teeth. You know. I don't like that.

Yeah. I like. Real. Real. You know what? It's like I remember reading this thing. ODB. When he got money, he got the grill.

He didn't fix his teeth. He put the like grill over the fucked up teeth. Yeah. I'm like, I want to do that shit. I want to get a grill and just put it over my fucked up skyline teeth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

No. Yeah. Yeah. I just don't keep it. Keep them. Thank you. Keep your teeth dude. Yeah.

You went to Montreal Comedy Festival. Third year in a row. Yeah. Third year. You did new faces this year or no? No. Last year. The year before that I went with Jeff Frost for the Rose Battle.

Right. Then new faces last year and then I went this year. Did you do the Minority Show or the Gala Show? I did a variety magazine. Top 10 comics to watch. Who's fucking fancy in this town right now. That made my heart so happy. I texted you immediately.

Yeah. I remember that. I didn't text you at all. Fuck it. No, I get it. I don't give a fuck. No, congratulations. Thank you.

But Kaleila's always been super sweet. Kaleila is fine. Kaleila. Jesus. My teeth get in the way bro. Kaleila man. Kaleila bro. Kaleila bro.

Kaleila bro. You motherfuckers. That's how you want me to say it. Thank you so much. But you've always been very supportive and I appreciate it. That means the world to me. I mean this business is hard as fuck. What about me bro?

You too. Of course. I mean shit. The more me right. The more Kaleila loves you. The more Kaleila loves you bro. Tiger Belly staff. How's that?

Thank you. Yeah. Good enough. So you did that and then you have a, you're still doing that thing with Sasha Baron Cohen. That little, you have a little TV thing. Yeah. Yeah. We're developing a project at four by two.

Sasha signed them. And they're, we're in the midst of meeting with show runners, which is nice. Yeah. And it's a, it's a path I've never been down, you know, before and it's great. It's a good experience. Whether it happens or not. I'm just happy to be in the room. You know what I love most about you.

And that's why when I see you doing so well, it makes me so happy. When I go to the comedy store with Bobby, you, there's always a sense of playing politics. I think everyone always generally, generally plays that game. You are the only person that I've ever met who doesn't play by those rules at all. You are just so genuinely yourself and just genuinely. No, just genuinely nice. Yeah. I mean, I mean, I've never heard anyone say a bad word about you.

Really? Yeah. I mean, I've never seen anyone go, people can make fun of your look, but like, in terms of your like, you know, in terms of you as a person, you just very soft and kind. You've always been like that ever since I've known you. I mean, even since I used to sell dope and I'm playing. Yeah. You never did that.

No. I mean, here's another thing that people don't know about. Hazel's trail is that you, your parents, you live with your parents, right? Yeah. Your parents are how old are they? 72, 73. Oh, and you're basically their caretaker, right? I'm not only child of my mom and dad.

And he lives in Long Beach and for you guys who don't know LA very well, that's about an hour. Two hours. Two hours in traffic to travel and you travel to LA every day to the comedy. Yeah, sometimes they're like, why are you up here so early? And you're up here every day. I'm like, I just drive to quote unquote work. You know, I just go to a Starbucks and free load off their Wi-Fi and yeah.

But they're because I just did a documentary that you had me on about you. It's a document about you caretaking your parents, right? Yeah. Your parents are old school Hispanic, right? Yeah. Yeah. I got to show you a picture of my dad. Yeah.

Because they're, they're asking for photos of my dad. When I tell you my dad looks like, you just tell me who he looks like. I'm not even going to say it. It's very obvious who you look like. Can I just guess before I even say it? Yes. Edward Jen's almost. No, that's me in eighth grade.

Oh, God. That's Selena's dad. So you watch Netflix, right? Yeah. Okay. Oh my God. That's like Pablo Escobar. Pablo Escobar.

That's what your dad looks like. It's crazy. Your dad looks, I mean, he looks like a hard worker just on that photo. The definition of hard work, like my dad's picture should come up. Like this dude, like I, like when the whole shit went down with my dad, like he got sick or whatever, like I took over the landscaping business, so I've been like mowing lawns during the day and then doing comedy at night and going home taking care of my mom. And I mean, look at my farmer's tent.

It's like through the roof. Yeah. Yeah. So when my dad came back, you know, he went out there to help me with, with the, with the landscaping and I didn't want him to work too much. So he was kind of hanging out and I had one of those days where like every, like, I was just having a bad day. You know what I mean?

And I told my dad, I broke, I'm like, you know what, gardening couldn't have been your dream. What was your dream? This fucking wasn't it. Yeah. And he told me that it's like, I always had two to three jobs. I never had time to sleep. People have dreams if they sleep.

He's like, I sacrifice so you can sleep and have a dream. And I said, and I said it worked and I'm like, you're about to make me cry right now. Oh my God. No shit. Yeah. I mean, and he's funny as hell. He's funny as hell, man. He didn't have no dreams.

Huh? He didn't dream because he couldn't sleep. He wanted you to have dreams. That's the punchline of that joke, Bobby. It's funny. I'm loving it. I'm loving it. I'm loving it.

Sorry. Look at my teeth again. Okay, we're back. We're back. That is very poignant and really just a sweet thing. You know, I guess immigrants come to this country like my parents did. My dad worked a lot. Yeah.

They worked their asses off so that we can, I mean, that's primarily the reason why I got sober at such a young age is because if I was, my parents were white or whatever and they were, they were Asian, but they just lived here for a very long time. But I know how hard my parents work. And just so when you're doing drugs and stealing money from them and acting like, like a crazy person, there are times where you look at them and you go, even as a kid, I understood that like, oh, there's something really fundamentally wrong with what I'm doing. Yeah.

Because they're doing everything for me, you know, and my brother providing for us. They want us to be out of a future and I'm just fucking it, wasting, wasting it, you know, but when did your parents come here? They came here. Yeah, I don't know exactly when they came here, but when they came in, like my mom was a nanny, you know, living nanny. My dad did gardening and construction. Ever since I was a kid, he's worked those two jobs.

Construction during the week. So as soon as he clocked out of that, he mow a couple lawns, but Friday and Saturday, like Friday, sometimes he wouldn't go to construction. So therefore it was Friday and Saturday landscaping all day, you know, and then Sunday, if he didn't finish Sunday, he would go back and finish out of like a house or two that, you know, What do they think of where of, of you doing comedy in the beginning? They hate it.

They still hate it. They still hate it. They still hate it. I don't think they come around. They've seen me a couple of times. Like, I remember they came a couple of times and my dad's like, he didn't say nothing. It was just like, why did I come here? Oh, yeah.

And then I was like, I get it, you know, and like, I used to work at Robinson's May. Like, and I used to sell kids clothes. Yeah. I wore a tie. My dad still brings up that fucking job. He's like, man, remember when you wore a fucking tie? I'm like, I was selling kids clothes. What a tie, man.

A tie. Yeah. And then he's like, you went to college. He's like, and you, you stopped doing it. So you graduated, didn't get it really a job just to park cars at the comedy store. He's like, bad to him. It's like, fuck that. Insane.

Yeah. Yeah. It's insanity, but I'm like, you do that in hopes of catching a big fish. I mean, it's like, you let all these little fish go. You bought a lottery ticket. You know, you buy the ticket. I bought it a long time ago. I know you did.

I bought one too. And I've, I've been scratching out the numbers as we speak and I almost have them lined up. You know what I mean? I got them, bro. I'm just saying that you, we bought, you have to buy one. Anyone listening right now, you're not, you can't win if you don't buy. You don't play. Make a lot of fucking play.

Play to win. Powerball. You know, my parents, when I did the tonight show, they, my dad goes, how much did you pay them? My dad thought that I paid the tonight show to get on the tonight show. That's how little they know. Yeah. But what happens is what's going to happen with you is one day they're going to see

you. I'm going to buy a house. You know, and they're going to, you know, I'm, I'm sending you guys money, you know, and then they're going to go, Oh, yeah. When did it start for you? When did you start doing comedy or going to open mics? Or when did it actually occur to you that, Hey, I want to do this? Been a fan of it for a long time, you know, but I think after high school is like, like

end of high school and like beginning colleges were like, I'm going to go for it. And I went to an open mic and I were in Long Beach off of Anaheim Street. It was a bar. Alex's bar. No, it was a, I think at the time it was called liquid lounge. I think it's still there. Is it still there? No, I don't think so.

Yeah. It's on Anaheim Street. Like it was right by my high school and it was just the worst bar and I snuck in. I was 20 and I asked the comic who was running it, his name's a coachino, you know, and I asked him, I said, Hey, can I go up? He's like, dude, you're 20. Get out of here. They're going to shut the place down.

I'm like, well, if I come back next week, can I get on? He's like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Yeah. So I got past the bouncer. Yeah. I mean, I've waited in the car as soon as he like stepped out, I was in there and I hung out in the back that a little ping pong table. So I just kind of like sat there, people were drinking.

I just pretend to be friends, you know, laughing at their jokes. And then finally, I'm like, Hey, you said I could go up, he's like, dude, just go up. So I go up and do three minutes. I bomb my ass off. I dropped the mic. I tipped over the mic stand. It was so bad. It was bad.

So I didn't do comedy for a full year. I'm like, this is not for me. So I go back at 21, do it again. I bomb harder than the first time. Wow. Harder. Yeah. I'm like, this is definitely not it.

So I stay in school. But doesn't it feel good to bomb? I mean, now it does. No, but even back then, if you, in retrospect. Yeah. Even when I bombed, right? I was still impressed in the fact that I did it when I went up there. Yeah.

That was terrible. But the one thing that I was impressed, because I never thought I could do it, is that you did that. Yeah. And then you're choosing to do it again. That's fucking crazy. So you should. I mean, there was not a feeling like that.

Oh, no. No, I mean, I had some weird ass jokes. I remember the first joke I wrote is because I read the newspaper and there was like something with the death penalty and there was something like saying how tax dollars are not going to pay for the last meal. So I said, oh, if I'm ever about to get killed or whatever, get the death penalty for the last meal, I'll ask for a Red Bull because I heard it gives you wings. And I just looked around the room.

That was a joke. That was a joke. That was so far. Oh, I love it. I'm going to write it down. I love it. You should have been there. Fuck her.

What? I opened and closed with that. I said it twice and it didn't work. Try it again. I got that fired, man. I had one of my first jokes was I don't know why, but I said, Vietnamese is such an unromantic language. You got a beautiful girl in your arm, right?

You're looking right on their eyes, right? You're open your mouth and you go, you know, just do it and it was so hacky. But I think I got a laugh because of the just doing the Asian accent thing, right? And like in the beginning, that's what you write because you don't know, especially, you know, that what I mean, I'm sure you had who do you look up to, Paul Rodriguez, maybe or no Lopez? Early on, yes. George Lopez, Paul Rodriguez, because they were like, as a comic, you're like, who do

I resemble or like what path do I take? So it's like these guys. And then the more I got into it, the cartoons on Saturday was a life with Louie, Louie Anderson. Yeah. Bobby's world, which was how he Mandel, so I'm like, oh man, so you just started getting exposed down the line. Don Rickles, I remember was like, Don Rickles stood out because he roasted. And I love that so much.

And it was very much like immigrant culture, you know, barbecues, man, grandma star, you know, making fun of you, your uncles, your cousins, and you just have to hold your own defending yourself or making fun of them. So that's what stuck out about Don Rickles. And I just started getting more and more enamored. And now, I mean, my two favorite comics are JV smooth and Brian Regan. Wow. If I could be one eighteenth of what Brian Regan or JV smooth has, yeah, like I've made

it. Have you met Regan? No. He would love you, I think. No, I'm going to go watch him in November. He's playing in Long Beach at the theater. Like I can't wait. You're going to go?

Yeah, I'm going. They'll go with you. Yeah, really? I'll call him. I know him. Get out. Right now. What?

What? You know him? Yeah. He's the best. He's one of my favorites, too. Growing up, even when I was in my early 20s, when he was headlining like the improvs and stuff. What happened?

Are you scared of dogs? What just happened? Yeah. Oh, yeah, you are scared of dogs. You have a dog phobia? Yeah, but I'm way better. You just did that was fucking weird, bro. Well, I saw the dog.

He actually talks about it in his ag. Yeah. Could we not have a guest dog? But what you just did, that was fucking crazy. That's real. I feel bad now. No, no, it's fine. It's fine.

I'm a lot better than I used to be around dogs. What happened to you as a kid with a dog? I got bit a bunch of times. It's happened a lot. A dog that small, though? Yeah. A pit bull. A dog that one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What frees you want to talk about? Wait, wait, you've never loved a dog that much. Yes, I used to have a dog, but then I got attacked and it was all bad. Oh, shit. I'll tell you what. When I walked in, did you guys see how he barked at me? They sense fear.

Yeah. And the more I backed off, the more he barked until I got close and then they walked away. So now I'm learning these tricks. Don't make eye contact with the dog. Just ball up in a ball and cry like that works. Wow, that's interesting because I just saw something new. The way you did that, that was really weird. I saw fear.

That was real. She's like that with cockroaches. Really? They're cockroaches. I used to have pet cockroaches. I used to collect them on Gerber jars. Wait, hold on. I thought Mexicans did the June bug.

Oh, yeah, yeah. The water beetles? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I collected roaches that were more readily available. Did you really? I was a weird kid. Oh, my God. I wrote just a little bit.

Let me ask you this. Yeah. Did you fuck in high school? Not really. No, no. Just say no. Yes or no. No.

I know. I already know that. Yeah. I never even asked you that. I just based on my gut instinct. You didn't. When did you fuck first? And we're back.

And we're back. What is that? Jesus. Is that you? Yeah. Let me see. So this is a picture I wanted to show you at the comedy store when I was little. I found this one because of documentaries.

So this is the one you told me. Look. I shaved my eyebrows when I was a kid. I saw my dad shave and I shaved him off so my mom grew out this bow cut and gave me what she calls a girl haircut so they can not see my eyebrows. You look so different. I feel like that's... You're so wide.

Your face looks wider and wider. Yeah. I'm trying to tell you guys. It's two-tone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The two-tone. You're chunky, too, huh? Chucky guy.

We a little fat? Yeah, yeah. What, a cute little kid? Yeah. Look at these kids, babies. Aww. I love this kid. That picture gets way better.

Check this out. Yeah, yeah. Oh, man. Oh, man. Me and the homie. Get out of here right now. What is that right there? It's a teddy bear.

Oh, my God, dude. Talk about un-fuckable. Look at that. That kid, if I... Based on those photos, like, no, no, no future, but you have one. This is so cute, dude. Send it to me. I will.

I'm going to send it to me. One of the things that always inspired me about you, Bobby, that you didn't give a fuck when you were on stage, like you said, what was on your mind, and I've always... There we go. ...aimed to do... Oh. Yeah, yeah. You're not supposed to cuss?

No, yeah, I swear. I don't give a fuck, yeah. Okay. I swear again. But yeah, just seeing you at the store, you were always very welcoming. Do you remember the... I'll never forget the kind gesture. What?

I got banned from the store for drawing a dick on the car. Do you remember this? Whose car? Wait, what? It was a manager. Yeah. It was a manager. I don't remember that.

It was a manager at the time. Why did you do that? Because it was a dirty car, so I went and drew a dick. We've all done it. Oh, like the dust. Yeah, yeah, the dust. What manager banned you? So I draw the dick, and the guy comes back and he says, hey, I went to go get it buffed

out, the thing's not coming out, so when you saw it in the sun, kind of did this. You could see it kind of holographic. It's just the holographic dick. And I was like, okay, I mean, I'm a door guy there. I don't have a lot of money, but I said, hey, I'll give you the hundred bucks that you paid. I remember. It was like an older car, like a teabird. Like a teabird.

Yeah, that's what it was. I remember now, yeah. Yeah, and I said, I'll give you the hundred bucks that you paid, and wait the next check, and I'll start giving you money towards another one. I mean, I fucked up. I'll man up to my shit. Let me guess who it is. Let me guess who it is.

He's not there no more. I know he is not. I know who he is. He was kind of a younger guy. He would go by Jutt. Yeah, I know him. I didn't like him. He was a nice guy.

Fuck him. Okay, go ahead. So, so I draw the dick. He gets mad, goes over everyone's head emails like Peter or something like that. And shit hits a fan. Like now they're like, what's up with this? And at the time I was, if anyone doesn't know, just stop. Peter Shore is Paulie's brother who is basically, he owns the comedy store.

And this piece of shit manager went to the top. Wait for a dick drawing on a car? In a comedy parking lot too? I know. Yeah, but you know, I didn't mean it at first. Shit on my fucking car. And that's what used to happen. Like people started saying is like, why is Jesus getting banned over drawing a dick?

You know, they used to wipe shit on the car. You know, Bobby and Harry for fun. And so I was with Paulie at the time. I was working when he was doing that, the Polytech special. And so at that time I think, yeah, I was already passed and I was on the road with him. So there, so a manager was there that was kind of doing a consulting work. And I got banned. Like, like, like I got banned for that month and they're like, you know, Paulie shouldn't take you on the road.

I'm like, so I don't work here. So there's no money coming in. The road is the only money I'm going to get through Polly. I'm fucked. And then they're like, you know, maybe your name won't go up on the wall. You fucked up. So now I'm crying. I'm literally, I cry very easy. So it doesn't say much, but yeah. And they get an estimate. They say this thing's going to be $3,000.

Right. So you hear about it and you're like, dude, right now I'll give you the money done deal. And I remember telling you, it's like, hey, man, they're trying to teach me a lesson. Don't pay the 3,000. Like, they're trying to teach me a lesson and I understand what this is. I appreciate the gesture, but no, thank you. You know, and a long story short, nothing came of it. But Polly still took me on the road and I'll never forget this.

So he takes me on the road. He gave me this long talk. He's like, look, you got to stop fucking around because when you do stupid shit like this, the industry starts fucking with you because, hey, this guy's a problem. This guy does pranks. This guy, people don't like that. And he gave me this long, sincere talk. I soaked it in. So we get to Boise, right? Yeah. And I love going to radio like that.

I love going on morning radio. He would let me tag along. So he's like, hey, tomorrow, 5am, let's meet in the lobby. Let's go. So I wake up really early. I'm waiting in the lobby, just chilling. And the windows of the hotel are like sweaty. You know that morning sweat? Yeah. So I go over there and I start. You did?

He misses? It was a teddy bear and a dog. So I'm doing this and I'm just waiting for Pauly to get there. And I hear behind me here. It's Pauly. Jew breathing. And I make eye contact with him. He's like, dude, what did I say?

I fucked up. He's like, I'm going to go to radio alone. You stay here. I'm like, fuck me. He just told me about this. He just told me about it. Jesus, it's window doodling. When is that a fucking crime window doodling?

Here's where it gets crazy. What lesson are they trying to teach you? Don't window doodle? I'm siding with Paul on this one. I'm siding with you. No, this is stupid. Let me say something right now, dude. Think about the last four.

Have you ever fucking window doodle again? Wow. All right. Let's see what fucking comes around. Fuck not. I'll do it right there, bro. So then what happens? So as if I don't learn my lesson.

Window doodle. So if I don't learn my lesson, we ended up in Cincinnati, right? And we go to radio, right? We come back. Polly's really like, he has to take a number two. Like he really, really has to go. And like one of these, like in the car, like I'm not going to make it. Oh yeah.

I wish I was there. Busting his balls. We're all laughing, you know? Yeah. And so we get in. I was staying like on floor. I was staying like on the third floor, right? And Polly was staying like on the 27th floor or whatever.

So we're walking. We're running in. We get in the elevator. He's like, all right, man. I'll catch up with you later for lunch. So when I get off, I grab all the buttons. I go, I push all the buttons. I'm like, and I wave at him and the doors closing slowly as he's holding this side.

He's like, you fucked up, bro. Okay. Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. I thought we were. No, no, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. So a man has to take a shit. Let me get this right. Let me get, let me get this right.

He's on the verge. His turtle head is sticking out of his butt hole. Turtle, turtle. Right. Yeah. And you get off on the third floor and you press all the elevator buttons. So it takes him longer to get to his room to take a shit. How is that?

Let me ask you that. Is that, is that Mexican thinking? What is that? I mean, what is the, what is the end game there? Stupid thinking. Yeah, it's not good. Well, that's why I don't fuck around like that anymore. I learned my lesson.

That definitely is more of a crime than a doodle. Yeah, yeah. That's a little bit more serious. Yeah, I fuck that. It's very funny though. Yeah. I fuck that. What did Polly say to you after?

Well, I go to my room and I'm like in anxiety mode, just sweating out my shirt. So you just do things without thinking it through and then you feel guilt afterwards? Is that who you are? I fucked that. I was just joking. It was like in the moment, joking. Oh, right, right, right. We were joking.

If Polly was, was really struggling, I would have gotten off on the third floor and shit in your bathroom. That's what I would have done. That's what I would have done. Oh, yeah. I never thought about that. You know what? You know, you get shit in your bed.

Right. Now, opening for him, was it a pleasant experience? Yeah. Any bad experiences or? No. Look at me right now. What are you doing? What?

There's no bad experiences, not one. I mean, he would get upset sometimes because I didn't know what I was doing. On stage, you mean? No, like, like merch, running the merch line and stuff like that. Oh, yeah, I remember I had to do that one time. Yeah, the merch line is difficult. It's very specific. He has a lot of fans.

So it's like, you know, making sure you're taking pictures and selling the shirts. But there's just me and him, you know? Yeah. So I got to set everything up and I'm a slow learner. So it took me so long to figure out how to really sell his merch and. I could tell you, you used to get in trouble a lot by the way I saw you and Bobby, the way I saw you treat Bobby and the airport when you went on the road with him. Really?

The way you would carry his bags. Oh, that's right. He basically rolled out the red carpet for him. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember that. Yeah. You were like really being extra. Like I didn't say that you're not, you know, you're not in my eyes and open mic or anything.

I look at you like a Fihim Anwar. No. I like Jade a lot. She's someone like Jade, somebody that now is on the brink of possibly really making it, you know? So I don't really look at you that way. I mean, in fact, the one last time. Where did you open for me last?

San Jose? No, it was San Antonio. No, San Jose. Yeah. That was literally the last time I, in my head, it was pandemonium for you. I could not. But I honestly, I'm going to be real with you rarely. And I've, I bring him.

I brought hard hitters. I couldn't. I struggled every show. I think after. Yeah. That's how good you were. That's how good you were. I told her.

I can't. I was there. And I thought I was actually worried. I was like, oh shit. I can't fucking do it. And I'm like, oh my God, that's just, that's just a big, you know, theater too. And that audience laughed for a straight 30 minutes. I mean, you crushed.

Boom. And that's when I knew I went, oh my God, there's just this guys is, is there. You're there now. Now all you need to do is just get a name and then now you can headline, you know? Are you doing what? Kimmo, what are you doing? I'm doing the Lately Show with James Corden. Oh my God.

What's that? Uh, tomorrow. Tomorrow night. Yeah. Tomorrow night. During the day, during the day. It's during the day. Are you nervous?

I I know I am but not as much as I was because I ran this set so much. How does it work? Do they let you do it over if you make a mistake? No, I'm not sure. I don't think that that's the case It's a tight ship that they run because it's not how it was yours four to five Listen in the I saw Regan one time on a late show. Yeah, not do well But I think was tonight show I've seen him do great But one time I saw him he wasn't and they don't edit it. They that's it. You have one shot one shot Yeah, so it's a lot of pressure. It's a lot of pressure, but But you've done TV before right?

Yeah, like you know, here's how many sense of the the trick. Here's the trick sweating for you. This is the trick Anyone listening your comic you're doing TV The trick is Regardless of how you're doing you just in your face pretend you're killing. Yeah, cuz they can edit it somehow Yeah, I mean literally like if you can just convince your face Yeah, yeah that you're like Killing even though you don't the timings off or the jokes are coming out weird, right? Yeah You can still survive that but if you let if you let them affect you, right and they can see the bomb

Oh my god, don't do that. Yeah, that's why I could never pass for looking calm and cool Cuz I always get the sweat mustache and it's just it just shines. It just reflects all this light So on camera, it's just like oh that bitch is in trouble. She's dying on the inside But you're in a point where your ego won't allow it What do you mean? Because here's what happens is is that I mean, I don't I don't hate talking about like this But the other day I was shooting, you know the sitcom that I'm on right and there was a couple of lines that were that were really just difficult the first when I rehearsed I couldn't get it out clean and

You know they did a couple of takes and it couldn't get it out clean and Then I could feel a little tension and thing like we got to go come on, right? Yeah, and I could I remembered I could succumb to the pressure and fear and just unravel But I said to myself no You're gonna fucking do it right now Because it's just the consequences. You don't want that Right and your ego just kind of pulls you through it I think that you're at that level when you go up on the court. Have you ever unraveled on

On stage like unraveled meaning like Bobby like ran out after two minutes and then blacked out type of on yeah I mean that that used to be the case. I actually I was doing like a long set, you know, and I Panicked and I threw in the closer where it wasn't and then the other thing and then it was like I literally I had this list I wrote out my set list. Oh my napkin. Yeah, and I'm like it was bad I ran behind the thing and I grabbed it and I came back. I'm like, that's it guys and that got a laugh I'm like, at least I ended with a laugh, but it was fucking terrible Like I wanted to make a 90 degree turn on the freeway You know, yeah, I've ever done like I've done that where like I was at post the headline and

I Rearranged the jokes in a way Where I don't know what else to do, you know, like I forget because some jokes go with other jokes, right? And in chunks. Oh, yeah, so when you switch it around sometimes you get lost in it and then you forget Jug gigantic chunks. So if you're supposed to do 45 minutes, you're 20 in and you're like, I'm out Yeah, I have nothing else. Yeah, and then I do, you know the trick of like crowd play. What do you do? Yeah, and then it doesn't work and then you know, you have no out and you're fucked. Oh Yeah, I mean where you're fucked. I did Houston improv the first time I headlined there. I did 17 minutes

Yeah, because I you know, you know, you're supposed to do 45. Yeah, I did 17 minutes I got off stage and fans were like talking to like the manager going Can we get our money? You know, I mean and then like a man is coming going on. Is that all you can do? Right, you know, I rearranged it in a way in a fashion, but they don't want to hear I want to hear it because they're they're there to sell drinks. Yeah, so they need that 45 minutes to sell the drinks In 17, there's drinks that aren't even at the table yet Chucks checks on our you know aren't out. It's a nightmare. And then people want their money back. It's like a fucking nightmare, dude Yeah, it's hard. It's hard

You know, you're trying to find tricks, but it's like the whole thing of like crowd work It's like it's like almost like Houdini with like locks like that stray jacket with locks You're trying to find the combination and get out of there before you drown and sometimes you end up drowning It's just how it goes. Yeah. Oh, it's it's the worst feeling and you see some of these like so a lot of these clubs now because People want people want to see celebrities I'm not gonna name names. Okay, I'm not gonna name I really I refuse to name names But there have been clubs where they've had, you know, a pretty big star Who isn't a stand-up?

That headline because they can draw But what they go when they go up on stage. It's a disaster So they have to figure out ways to help this celebrity come up with the time So they'll do like why don't you do? Just why don't you bring everyone in the audience on stage and interview them? Like little tricks like that. Oh improv. Yeah, like a hug hug everyone in the audience They do stuff like that to kill the time, right? Yeah I mean, I don't want to name names, but there's some big ones that I know that Had to do tricks up there when that happened. I would have loved to hug everyone in the audience

I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry Yeah, yeah, visually apologize. We're gonna take another second to plug our sponsors. Yeah Yeah, stand up is fucking hard in that way, you know, but um, but once you Figure it out, you know, it's good. Yeah Once you start putting pieces together like it starts to fit like a narrative which is fun start to talk about what happened in your day Like one of the tricks I do now when I do like long sets is that I in the beginning I try to improvise, you know That that way I hold my material as long as possible. That's I do that too. Really? I I do you know what sometimes I do I go I want to see how long you can go without saying without saying a joke and

See how long sometimes you can last five minutes. Yeah, but sometimes 10 seconds right to material and then you go right into material. Yeah, it's really weird Wait, you were there the first time he did stand up. Oh, yeah, I blacked out, too. That's when I You know what so impressive you were supposed to like eight minutes. You ended up doing like That was his very first time cuz he forced them out there. Yeah, I remember bro you Decimated talk about being scared to go up after I was scared to go up after you it was in Brea Oh, yeah, I was like, oh boy like what do I do now? But bro you decimated the room It was something I act out act out voices. I was so nervous, too

I was like, he's gonna eat it. He's gonna eat it. So I just watched old Bobby Lee YouTube videos Yeah, but you know what dude? It's like It's I mean I you can do what you want But that's the key to you. I cannot believe you didn't keep up with stand. Yeah, I don't know why you don't do it It's so dumb. I'll tell you what happened after that. I decided I came with all that hot confidence I decided to hit the open mics for a week. Yeah, and that whoo, that just like I destroyed that made me go Oh, I'm not funny. I need to learn how to write jokes and not beg on charisma. Yeah, but how yeah, but how are you funny? How can you be funny in front of just a bunch of comics and no audience exactly in the morning that?

The open mic seat isn't about you getting laughs. Mm-hmm. It's about going through bootcamp. Yeah memory Right. It's that yeah, you're you're training, right? Mm-hmm. It's not about you know You can go in front of a crowd and kill. Yeah, but that's not what that's there for That's for paying your dues on all that other stuff And if you're not willing to do that then don't do it but my point is is that I really believe that You're missing out on a gigantic opportunity. Fuck now pumps. Yeah, man You know when Bobby said earlier is like on the tonight Well on the late late shows like if you're bobbing act like you're doing well, that's something you learn on an open mic

No one's laughing comics are just waiting to go up So you're just like and you know set a punch and set a punch and then you get off. You're like fuck me But it's an exercise and worst-case scenario if you say that joke and no one laughs Can you still go on to the next one and not get off in 60 minutes or go back and behind the stage and look at my list and Be like that's all I have Elevator, yeah Like I saw Rogan once like years ago 15 years ago when I first moved to LA It was a rowdy show in the OR or whatever and

People were just talking and whatnot and he did something interesting. He started pulling back His vocals to the point where he was almost whispering. He was still talking in a normal voice and then the room Quieted down. Oh Just to hear them, you know, I mean they wanted to hear them You know that your gut instinct is to like talk over them. That makes it worse a lot of times you if you just pull back But you learn all those little tricks From just doing it, you know, but also just in terms of opportunity if I didn't have stand-up I Wouldn't be in the position. I'm in right now. I wouldn't have anything

I'm not strong enough and as I can as a comedic actor, you know Everything that I get is through my reputation and all the things I've done and what I bring to it But all of that is based on the route, which is calm stand-up I mean they put my name up at the comedy store every night for the last 20 years That just subliminally You know people drive by that, you know, it's it's it's all a part of I just think that I Would not make it if I didn't have it

It's like having the muscle but not using it for anything you have the muscle It's there and then you're just letting it atrophy for no good reason. Why not flex it, you know? Yeah, but also I want you to feel the pain Okay George is laughing because he goes to open my every day. I know I want you to feel the pain of like Years of like nothing happening. I'm ready for you know. I'm ready feeling it and And I want you to go. Okay. I have to try everything Yeah, I still head up open mics all the time. I mean I can't tell you how many like

You can do two or three like on Wednesday this one if you're not doing anything, you know There's a run that you can do three open mics within like 50 yards of one another you start off at South comedy hall you go to Dunke's art gallery and then you do the coffee shop Right next door all within, you know walking distance. So if you want to do it, you know, let's do it on Wednesday I do it all the time when it also here's another thing when I first Came to LA the 97 Hollywood Boulevard was dangerous. It wasn't it what it was there was prostitutes there. They were a drug I mean it was not what it is now. They didn't have the fucking Academy Awards

They didn't have that what is that would that whatever that fucking theater they have the Academy Awards the pantages Yes, they didn't have any of that. It was fucking a disaster So there was this fucking alleyway where there was this like fucking club. They did open mic and I remember going there all every week and there was no one in the audience and it was dingy It reminded me of the movie seven. It was just like always is kind of Dark and you're gonna find a fucking dead body or something and I remember meeting this guy There he was this fat Redheaded kid that did open mics with me and he wore a white shirt and he wore a gigantic green tie

That was like thick Right, and he would go up and just scream at people What he's now an executive at Comedy Central Jordy Oh, it's so crazy. Yeah, but back then Jordy and I and let me say this Like every like all the like, you know, every job I get for Comedy Central is all through Jordy Jordy will just text me. Do you want to do this? But that relationship is only there because we went to boot camp together forged it there. Yeah, and that's that's why that's also

Important, you know is is that you meet even guys that like I don't hang out with that I like, you know when I see like when I saw Zach Afrenakis at that movie I did that keeping up with the Joneses, yeah, he was there and I remember him looking at me I hadn't seen him in years since hangover. I hadn't seen him see blue-bop early And he looked at me and he gave me like a like a war buddy a war buddy hug Like hey, there we you know, you weren't there man. No, I mean like it was that kind of like trenches Yeah, and he treated me so nice like we're brothers And I think I equated to just going growing up with these guys, you know, you're missing out on that too

But you know what you did do sketch you are from you know You do live shows and that's a part of it too and that's great But I just you can do it, you know, I've seen you do it. You're so Unbelievably amazing for the little amount of time that you did do it But you're you live in fear and a little bit of delusion. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god. You do. Yeah, you know Did you ever at one point in your life? Like why am I doing this or it's not moving in the direction or the speed? Yeah, I need it to go. Do I quit now? Did you ever think you ever consider quitting?

All the time. I mean cuz it's so hard it like the Unpredictability of this business, you know, it's like and I haven't done it as long as Bobby I mean, but in my short little 10 years, I'm like the unpredictability is like, I don't know whether the next checks coming I mean, it's starting to get a little better But still you're just like what the fuck do I do is like if I mean it's like you start looking ahead in the Calendars kind of blank. You're like am I gonna have to apply for a McDonald's job just to get through this for the next gig? No, dude. Lift bro. Lift. Yeah. Yeah, you're at a point now. You're fine. I Listen to me right now

Slowly, no, I'm telling you right now. I this is this is real This is really I predicted it two years ago. Remember? Yeah. Yeah, we had a long She had a list bro you there was two people at night. I'm not you said it right if he is one of them Literally where I'm not kidding you bro. I have no worry Mm-hmm, right now to shred a worry. Give me a name. That's at your level Your friends DeMar Randy never heard of him funny dude. He's great. He's great. That's my point in my point That's a fun game, huh?

I don't even know the rules of that game, but it was fun Yeah, it's um But yeah, like you made me think when you were saying that it's like I wish I can give credit to who said this but I remember either hearing a reading is like It almost seems like in this business You're not trying to impress a casting director or producer or whatever It's your friends that you're coming up with because when they get something it's like hey Jesus Go do that thing you did at the parking lot where you drew a dick on the windows like do that

Yeah, and they call on that because you're showcasing for your friends You know, I know my friends this range of what they can do and it's like And and that reminded me of that. So do you think that I did Chelsea lately? I did like 80 of them when I needed to because I'm a good panelist. I'm terrible There were many times where I don't we we dating then. Yeah, you made me write like Yeah, my point is that I would scramble for an hour to get here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, my point is is that I needed it at the time because and Chelsea and I started together. So it was just an outlet, you know, it's like So I'm just saying that that's important anyone listening guys

You get you can't you got you just gotta fucking buy the ticket, huh? A lot of ticket and wait Wait to see what happens Ticket might not let me ask you this though when you got on a variety list. Yeah, how did that feel? It felt really good man. It mantra was a different Yeah, go be pure tiger, but I guess you're uncomfortable JFL was a different experience like the the festival going with the variety thing was a different experience It was just you know, I could feel people talking to me a little different. Yeah, never had happened before Yeah, I was I did a panel which was nice people were like listening the people are nodding and listen

What do I have to say to these people? There's like execs and managers agents Yeah, my managers were there, which was awesome. But you know all these other people like you just see I'm like nodding and stuff Like what the fuck is happening? Like what do I have to bring to the table? Bobby and I always we have a running list of people who are Either open micers or comics now who we when we predict whether or not they're gonna change and turn into divas So we play this game a lot and he's always like that person. No monster monster monster We don't think our bet is you will never change. You'll never change. Oh wait till I get money. Fuck. No Yeah, but gold on my fucked up teeth. I don't know about Jack Knight. I can't read them yet I know but I feel like I won't change. You'll make no no, but for him for sure not no

He'll never change Candice will never change That one but yeah, none of those guys guys and girls. I don't think they'll change You see how genuine they are and people love them because of that like they're real, you know How long you've been dating your girl? Long time. How long nine years? Wow? She's been with you nine years on she live with you too with the kid with their parents No, no, she she's similar situation taking care of her mom and stuff like that. Hispanics are so good with Such good people. No, they are they are. Yeah, that's it's a family

That's why if you go into Convalescent home old people home, you'll never see Latino people there and if they do it's under a very weird circumstance Yeah, no Filipinos either just the nurses the nurses. Yeah, is that like that in the Korean fuck? Yeah, bro But here's the thing like I don't have an article ones about gang members. Yeah, and like African-American gangs are Territorial mm-hmm. It is our street. Yeah, right Hispanic games are more family-driven you hurt my cousin correct her whatever you hurt my cousin We're gonna get you you know, my brother got hurt by you. You know, I mean, okay Cambodian gangs. Yeah, this this scientific thing of that. I read there was no

Reason for their violence the tiny rascals. Just just violent. No Long Beach is a Joel. Yeah, happy birthday Like it whatever it is. We have a gang in Long Beach. It's the tiny rascals Yeah, they go crazy for no reason, but isn't Long Beach has the biggest population of Cambodian So we have Cambodia town. Yeah. Yeah, I love steam reap is the best rest. I love pull pot No, dude, that's not good. That's not good Come on No, I was there's a soup couple pot

Okay What's the soup made of Bobby what a coconut juice and and leaves. Okay, what else mint? Okay, you're a curry carrot and lemongrass Are those are those things that just popped into your head as you went along fuck you bro No, I'm in terms of dude. Let me say something right now. Okay. You don't have a list of your favorite like bad people No, you don't have your list of favorite serial killers No, definitely not I do Number one Dahmer

Why cuz he he liked to eat blacks and Asians He ate two Asians and eight black guys. It's like vitamins, you know, aside from the riots, you know You know the blacks and the Koreans we gotten those tension in the riots, right? Yeah, but then if you look back, we were all all on Jeffrey Dahmer's menu. So that's a way to bond Okay, and then you have rush hour the movie. That's another way to bond Right. So, you know the riots the tension and now it's like relieved a little bit like in terms of Jeffrey Dahmer was good I liked Ed Gein without Ed Gein. There would be no silence of the lambs the movie So in many ways, you can see, you know

The good also you guys should watch Mindhunter on Netflix if you haven't Very good, and I watch porn pussy hunter, bro Sounds bro. Yeah. Yeah I'm hopeful vice with Bobby Kalala and the skyline of LA That's you. That's me. Yeah, that's a Well, someone already asked the industry question here, so you guys answered it pretty well already so like those You know what though people like it. Yeah, so I on Twitter a couple of guys said we like it when you talk about Hollywood So we're gonna we're not gonna stop doing a lot of our unhelpful advice are those so you guys we're ready to answer that

So we'll go to the very bottom one get a Jesus's take on this. Hi Tiger belly There's a cute Asian girl in my chem class, but I want to talk to but I only see her Tuesdays and Thursdays I'd sit next to her But she has a close group of friends that box her into the corner seat. I'm an Asian guy 23 And I'm a big fan of the show. How do I approach her any techniques? Hey Zeus? To pull I don't know exactly how you know you what you do is you go up, right? And you compliment all the girls the friends the friends Like let's say the girl's name is Sally so you go to the friend Sabrina Sabrina like your hair

Hey Katie, I like your eyes your great eyes. Then you look at the one you like and you go. You're all right. Yeah, I You hurt them a little classic nagging. It's nagging. I mean yeah a little you hurt them a little And then you get into their mind. Yeah, there's books written about it Bobby next you and you're in love with him. Yeah, yeah That's not what he does is not nagging. That's domestic abuse Oh, I've been second on her titties are like forcing it No guys, it's so consensual What do you do I want to do that right now? I'm gonna eat it and I'll just grab her tittie like aggressively Consensual I let him do it. Yeah, but like a little in a claw

Oh, yeah, so your take oh my take on that. Let's see. Why wait. I have before before you answer that Yeah, they just say one thing. What's going on Bobby? I have a question real quick Yeast that I wanted to bring this up so very don't forget So just real quick. I was at work today and every day I go to work There's a little kid. That's on the show. Okay, it's a family show and this little kid sander. Just listen He punches me in the butt Yeah That's cool from behind. He'll just start punching me in the butt, right?

And I you know everyone's around the people are laughing so I'll laugh a lot, right? But I get angry Nothing I could do about it All right, you I said stop and he just keeps he's like eight. He's very talented. Yeah, but he just loves it It's fine. Yeah, but it's like what do you do? You can't do nothing on so unhelpful advice for Bobby What should Bobby do in this unhelpful advice? I think you should run. Oh, I'm sorry. I got you right. What do I do? Just run don't I do run away a little bit and her mom goes stop it sander stop it Every time he does it run to the mom and all right, right, right? That's great. That's great. What about where she's aware? Oh, yeah, I in my head. I imagine you laughing and pretending you're enjoying it

Can't back but he can't you can't right you can't punch her just scold him No, he's so cute. He wants to be the fun. You know the fun guy. All right. Anyways, so answer the question of the lady Or the guy how does he get how does he talk to the girl? How does he talk to the girl? He should walk by but like hey, I got the answers to the test right here and they're on this table So if you want to sit, I don't know good real good. Yeah, I like how did you get your lady? We we met at bedbath and beyond that's a classic. We worked there and then she you work out which which department the beyond part Patronizing where did you what department? Did you work in towels? Do you mean real? Yeah. Oh, we're full of towels. Yeah, well, just you know, I had this

Supplies, huh? Wow. That's where you be real what cleaning supplies is towels. I'll clean supplies. Come on. Let's be real towels All right, so you guys are folding. Yeah, we were just folding towels and stuff and yeah, and then and then what happened Well, I met her in the break room and like hi, and she's like you're a weirdo. I'm like, all right. I'll leave and then we just Hang out, but she wasn't really into me to begin with. He was like who the fuck says weird guy. Yeah. Yeah, and I was just like It's pronounced asus, you know So cute, yeah, and then you guys meet I don't think I've ever Oh, really? That's not yeah, it's like such it's like the contemporary way. Yeah

I tried in the beginning I used to try and tell people like I would lie and be like Oh, we met at a coffee shop because that's where we went on our first date via tender, but then he would be like, no We didn't bitch. It's tinder. Yeah But yeah, you technically you could say coffee shop because that's where you officially met met I wouldn't ever matter unless it was tender Okay, why aren't they giving us money to keep plugging them every every you need anything else to plug. Yeah plug your shows. Um, I Will be doing a one-nighter at Ontario improv November 12 you got to go guys Ontario check out my friend. Hey, this is a trail. How much is it? Probably not that much, right?

Just sign up for the email list. I'm sure you get a thing. No paper the room for sure You're good. It's Jesus trejo performing there. What's your handle? Uh, Twitter at Jesus trejo And then Instagram at Jesus trejo in the number one and then Jesus trejo dot-com Facebook fan page comedy But yeah, I will be at the On terry improv November 12th Great go see him guys. Listen, dude. Um, we needed a guest today and you came through I really appreciate it

I've always loved you and um, thank you for coming here. Thank you guys. Love you guys This is great. I've all yeah, this is huge. I love the pretty big fan base. Yeah, no, I Thank you for letting me million downloads a month. When did you break your lenses a little while ago wait But not like today than just happen today. Well, you don't have money to fix it. I do No, how much does that cost? I I have another pair that I use how much to cause a fix that prop probably not a lot I'm asking you a fucking question. You fucking it bean. I don't know. I can't call him bean. What's your lens crafters? Go for it

Why did the refry the bean it's a refried walks. Oh Yeah, that's a good question though. Maybe they forgot. They forgot the first time. Hey, do it again. Yeah, I already fried it Well, just do it again. Don't see what happens. What accent is that? I'm curious do an agent accent. I Don't try your best. I don't know. No, I try try try Bobby Jesus everyone Okay, yeah, she just we need to come back later. Okay. Yeah, I'm gonna stop calling it house cleaning cuz someone's like why are you saying house cleaning?

It's housekeeping. I'm like, well, that's ours is different from everyone else. It's house cleaning. We'll be right back. Okay. Yeah, be right back Okay, we'll be back. Hello. We are back for some house cleaning slash Housekeeping cleaning cleaning because we're cleaning Also, what is the problem guys house cleaning housekeeping same fucking meeting? What's in it? Well, how do you say it to Galogue? Let's see if we can rebrand this this ending thing. I don't know what like the cleaning it twice Like

It's the same as Spanish when you say like limpio like to clean so Limpio limpio limpio. I'm gonna say Sige Sige. I'll be back with some Sige Sige I don't know what is it in Tagalog? I don't speak Tagalog Okay, but I yeah, it's limpio is a verb so we'll be back with some limpio limpios. But I Limpio. Yeah, let me oh, but I in Spanish George Limpiando Limpiando. Well, we don't have handles in the casa So George anything A quick shout out to Rebecca Nonde on

YouTube comments I know it was just it warmed my soul. She just said it's insane how much this podcast means to me and you know Maybe compared to the other the other comments that would that would I liked it. So thank you Rebecca It's what I needed and Yeah, thanks to our sponsors so Mm-hmm. Check out a movement.com slash belly blue apron.com slash belly and meaning me undies.com slash belly Hashtag George Clooney Chris Hansen Anderson Cooper hashtag AC 360, right?

Tweet us if you think the Russians are spying Fucking Sienna. I I went to Trader Joe's right before we recorded this podcast and I want to do a shout out to the Girl who came up to me at the cash register Who had to see me in all of my crusty ass glory? You know when you go to the store and you're like, oh, I'm gonna I'm not gonna run into anyone and just gonna go in and out of there

Usually in my head. I'm like, I'm I don't want to run into anyone from my past. I never actually fear I think everyone thinks about that once in a while You're like on the day that I look like dog shit the likelihood of meeting, you know, my ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend is very high That's just how life works So shout out to her for having to I was extra crusty at Trader Joe's Muta Probably some Muta Just like seriously my yeah, and you know the really bright white lights

So shout out to you and sorry that I That my face was but also shout out to the cash The cashier who asked Kalilah. Are you do what do you make a YouTube makeup videos? No, because when she said hi and she's like hi Kalilah, and then I turned around and I was like, I'm so sorry You have to see me like this. I'm so sorry. And so the cashier was like, are you a makeup blogger? Because she just assumed that I'm apologizing for not having makeup because I usually have it I was like, um, I guess if it was up to Gilbert. Yes. Yes Once again tweet us if you think Kalilah's sort of make up

Even though she doesn't really use it, but I I mean I do I just don't know how to put it on correctly. Oh my god, boogie I'll do a shout out to her. Let's just go random one this guy on my Instagram David iron 97 who texted me a picture and said, sorry, bro. I know you wanted it. It is they casted Beast Boy and He's a picture of a handsome Asian guy. So thank you for reminding me that David iron 97 Any reverse shout outs? Who are my enemies of this week Um, George, you've never done a reverse shout out. Yeah, George. Come on. He's too positive. Also. I think I'm too positive

So am I the only one who does reverse shout outs? Yeah Negativity towards me is humorous. So I don't care. I I don't think you're being true to yourself. I see you crying the corner I See those tears fall George reverse shout out to your outfit We're all on you. We're all not on board then we all got on board and now yeah I think this is bullshit what you're doing, right? So you this is what I don't like about what you're doing You come in and you're like, you know what? I'm doing an all-white thing and we were resistant But after a while after the third week, you're like, you know what George? This works and then all of a sudden

I don't remember hearing that but keep going last week. Then Bobby say, you know what this works Yeah Second half at the head. Yeah, and then here you are Reintroducing Collar back into your life. And now I'm thinking that you're not a consistent person stick with a white You can't do brown leather boots. You can't do leather belt. You could certainly can't do a rainbow fucking scar Say no rainbow. That's some rainbow ass shit. You cannot you do white you do white. It's very bohemian. Let's be honest Also, my birthday present to you involves a lot of white and I'm thinking you're not gonna stick to it Oh, I'm sticking to it. No, this isn't this is a uniform. I've just I like a long time ago

I thought like I should have a uniform and Then like I don't know month ago. I was thinking like why don't I have one yet? Yeah, why not just do something? So Because you it eliminates the thought when you wake up in the morning. You just wake up put on whatever is clean Today, I finally did laundry for the first time in a month and a half So you can go that long without doing laundry. Wow. Do you have that many clothes and panty? You have I wear like, you know, if you I wear you do you side a side B? No, today. I finally had to like go commando and I was like, okay, I am completely out of underwear Really a month and a half so much clothes

Like in three weeks, maybe well, I'm wearing the same outfit every day I got like five five button-ups and one pair of jeans Okay, but how can you last if you go a month and a half then that would mean you would need flip-flops some of the time No, I'm talking your your clothes Clothes or underwear your your shirts and stuff. Well, you don't need to wash your jeans, I guess. Yeah, they're great Yeah, but you got to wash your tops and stuff. It's gonna be you know, I'm way Powies By the way, this is a to-go look lesson one conversational for anyone that's interested in learning the Filipino language. Um, I I can't go a week without laundry just because I don't have that many panties

Panties. Yeah, I need panties. Can you guys send me panties? Me on this. Okay. If you guys send me panties, I don't like lace I like full coverage granny five thousand and the the the vagina part has to be cotton or I will not wear it for seven days Yeah, it's true. Also. I like me on these also me on these but in general if like those those old-school Haines ones the men's briefs you like those those are my favorite small it doesn't do anything for my sex life But it does a lot for my soul small medium a small small and a thick band as long as it's just really like ugly and Now you're being demanding. That's true. Just accept the band for what it is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Anything else? Um, you like to share I'd like to share

That I think that Cowboys Seroni should not be fighting every three months. Oh quick. I'm a minute with Kaleila. Oh Yeah, that's what Ten seconds with Kaleila. That's just think we should always try to do ten seconds have a thought I mean you do what you want with your career in your body, but I think that he's He needs to rest. I think don't you even that but I mean he's 33 now The guy has so many fights. He could be hitting that point now where he's leaving that that prime that he can still fight obviously But I'm saying like, you know, the age is getting there Maybe he's not as motivated. I mean if you're fighting every three months, you're motivated or he just

likes the money to pick up the paycheck really doesn't care about getting a belt, you know Yeah, but I also think that you know, he's putting he's potentially putting himself in like harm's way, you know Double the amount than other fighters are by taking fight after fight after fight, you know You need to recover and rest just even mentally But he also is a badass. I mean like if there's Yeah, and props to him. I just I just want him to like take a nap or something take a rest also Yeah, I could really take your time for sure because that's three losses in a row. That's crazy Yeah, but he'll forever be he's I think that he'll always gain the respect of everybody because he's you know

Cowboy, he's paid his dues and he's like shown us the best fights ever shout out to Darren Till though Yeah, I like he looked really loose. He looked great That was it almost looked easy. Yeah, I know that's why I was like And he's so big Is he going up to middleweight? No, he's just a true 170 Remember Cowboys 155 going up to 170. So that's why it looked like that. But also Darren Till is he looked thick Yeah, he's he's a big boy and that's our enemy minute Just one fight. Oh wait. Did you did you watch a Carolina fight? I saw the highlights, but those knees

I saw the knees in the highlights. Yeah, it was pretty lopsided. She destroyed us Cabell I for sure would rather take a punch in the face and a knee. I Don't want any I will take nothing. Yeah, I don't even want to thwack from any of those guys But that's all we have for this week guys You can follow me on all forms of social media at calamity K and George Kimmel at George under sore Kimmel And you can follow tiger belly at tiger belly Oh, Twitter at that tiger belly and email city questions at that tiger belly at gmail.com Oh one more announcement in honor of George's birthday, which is the day that this podcast is gonna air

I'm gonna ask all my wonderful friends and family of the slept Kingdom know what you're gonna stop We're gonna put an end. We're gonna let the whole George and Jessica die Die a permanent death through off a cliff, but you have to give them something to replace it with you got it Like idle hand to the devil's uh, you could do guilt. It's forever Or follow the fan page on Instagram Gilnits It's actually hey someone made an Instagram dedicated to me in knitting. I don't know what it means Have they have they posted anything? I love it. I loved it. I love the concept. I don't know what it is Like what do you post? It's me and Gilbert Nits. It's just Gilnits post something. Yeah post something like maybe it's just Photoshop pictures of old

Ladies with my face on yeah, there you go. Follow that. Yeah hashtag guilt it So we're replacing that and if I I need it I think to die I think what happened was I initially thought it was really funny, but then after a while I was like Okay, I'm over it. Hashtag. I take that back. No hashtag guilt it's put hashtag George and Jessica forever on my stuff Do you want to punch? Do you want to punch the frog out of that throat? Wow is my real My favorite when people get a bubble in their throat What is that they'd persevere and they just keep talking like it's just gonna fucking I actually didn't I usually noticed

I didn't notice at that time until you said it and I realized just flab jammed in my throat. Well a frog lives in George's throat. So I love Jessica No, so no more hashtags you guys way to way to keep it going there Gilbert You're right in the middle of let's let it die Gilbert's like no, I can't let it die. Oh, no die Yeah, yeah, let's put her here. Yeah, yeah as of today. It dies a permanent death say eulogy right now Wait, hold on you guys you're making me look bad just by sticking my arm out like this Well, it's gonna look bad. Okay, put a finger. I'll do eulogy go eulogy to the you you you

Oh, dear friends and family dear friends and family gathered here today to honor the death of a love that will never be RIP hashtag George and Jessica forever boom go team go team. Yeah That's our chef who won We know you love it with us three talk at the end We could change it to our No, cuz you can't do RIP George and Jessica that they died. Oh shit. What if George's mom saw that? Oh my god, my son died That's our show guys, but it is George's birthday

So if you do want to start a new hashtag it's hashtag happy birthday George Oh and send him panties because apparently he only does laundry every month and a half and yeah This was the longest I've gone in a while But yeah, where can we send George birthday gifts Galila to 1626? North Wilcox Avenue number 161 Hollywood, California 90028 boom have a good day everyone Oh Oh Hey

Prime members you can listen to Tiger barely ad-free on Amazon music Download the Amazon music app today or you can listen ad-free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry comm slash survey