TigerBelly - Episode 115: Two Truths and a Lie

Episode Date: November 1, 2017

Bobo is the shadow of all shadows. Khaloko gets pricked. Giltits fakes a crotch shot. George is Forrest. We talk cassava plants, rumspringas, and going down with the sun.See Privacy Policy at... https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Hey You Five four three three two one Whoa I don't know if you guys know this, but I'm deathly ill right now, man. I have been that's Calucka I have been sick so bad And I throw out my mind hurts on my heart and my body aches and I don't know what's going on
Starting point is 00:00:57 But it was it was George's birthday. We got a bunch a couple of cards and I Also got this cool slept king Costume to somebody sent me for Halloween. She got a crown, but George got a Letter and I think this is very poignant. Mm-hmm. It's well first of all the card it has press here and you press here And then this happens on a card look at the technology Unbelievable the technology is unbelievable huge and it says let's the good let the good times roll Happy birthday dear. Mr. Kimmel. I wish you a very happy birthday Love
Starting point is 00:01:35 Connor Carlson. I can see that. Thank you so much Connor, but this is the best part. Mm-hmm PS always wear a condom even on your birthday AIDS is everywhere. Whoa, and you know what? That's so fucking true It's everywhere you look Damn, I know some guys at the Congress are full of it. Interesting. They're filled with it But they have the they take the cocktail so it puts it in remission. Mm-hmm. Is that how it works when you have HIV? I think so come on come on doctor Yeah, it's levels technically you're not in full-blown AIDS as long as you maintain certain levels of like your let me ask you something So HIV I don't know much about it. Yeah, okay, so I want to know how you get it
Starting point is 00:02:18 Can you get up by tongue kissing a man? I'm not unless you're both Bleeding profusely out of your mouth. Oh, so we have to be bleeding to be some blood exchange fluid exchange not fluid I mean like seminal fluid. Let me ask you this. I have no sores inside my mouth And I'm blowing a guy with AIDS. He comes inside my mouth. Yeah, but there's blood in his come No, you can get it from like sexual like in my mouth flu any fluids. Yeah, I thought you were just tongue kissing a dude Now you're so big. Well, how did you go from tongue kissing a guy to blown his dick so fast? Well, because we already got the answer with the tongue kissing. Why does it have to be a dude? You can also get it from all right. Let's put up with the calm
Starting point is 00:02:57 I'm saying the calm if there's blood in the calm. Yeah from calm. Yes, but there's no sores in my mouth No, but actually just come in general. Oh come in itself. You know, it's not just blood and that's a weapon That's a weapon. That's a fucking weapon. So if you have then if you have blood and calm, that's whoo, that's Whoo-hoo, but AIDS is actually not the most like I remember when I was in nursing school I made you know, you make some errors and I finished giving a woman a heparin shot on her abdomen And she was completely uptunded. She had like a C diff infection. She had erectile tube everything Yeah, and I didn't fully close when you're supposed to dispose of the needle and throw it into the hazards You're supposed to the cap goes up like this and it covers the needle
Starting point is 00:03:40 But you know it when you're doing things so fast. You're not really paying attention. So I was when I met you remember I pricked myself. Oh, no, no, no. This was years before I met you. I pricked myself. No, I did not remember Yeah, and I had to get up So this is a woman who was like in her fifties We didn't know like really her history of like her sexual history or whatever So I had to get fully like tested. Yeah for everything because basically we exchange stuff and thank God. I didn't and you I Have everything See how I was conditioned to with that story. Well, I didn't remember her story
Starting point is 00:04:14 But what she said when she said you remember and I go, uh-huh And then she goes no that was before and then I went, uh-huh So now I'm conditioned to just do shit when I'm lying. I'm lying Wow Because I want to get in trouble. I want to I want I want to pretend that I remember everything all of our moments But I only I remember seven things maybe well, let's play two truths and a lie Okay, so you're gonna say two truths and one lie and Bobby has to decide which one is the lie because he doesn't even know anymore Okay, you do the same
Starting point is 00:04:44 Yeah, and you have two truths and a lie for her two truths and a lie and one lie. Okay. Make it cloud. I have to make it All right. I don't know your first three. I don't play this game before but okay. Okay. My first three My grandmother's name is Ramona, okay, that's my first one um I I've I've eaten out three posties in my life. It's two. Okay. It's the fun one. Yeah, and um His face
Starting point is 00:05:18 I Third one second. Um, I'm trying to think of like facts for my life. All right. All right. All right. Don't make you got two Keep it fast. Yeah. Yeah. Um, and then my um, best friend's name growing up was Um, Teresa may okay, so let's recap all right. So Ramona is the mom of grandmother Teresa may And three plus eight three plus. Yeah, so you can the lie is this Teresa may Yeah, wow
Starting point is 00:05:50 He remembers. No, I don't remember I'll tell you Out of all my experiences with her, right? I have never heard of Teresa may I'd have nowhere Your best friend best friend in high school Teresa may is a prime minister of england for starters. So you should know that to lie Could I just say this you fucking idiot? All right? I'm pretty sure there's more than one Teresa may is on planet earth. Yeah Okay, you also took a long time with me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you never wait till the last one for I don't know how to play this game Well, okay, Bob is now Bob is gonna try to stump you. Okay two truths and a lie, right?
Starting point is 00:06:28 um All right, here we go My grandmother and her side of the family are part of the royal family of korea. Okay Number two my dad used to work at the ups And number three My brother Had an infection in his mouth Where he had a had a
Starting point is 00:06:53 Like surgical not surgically, but they had to put it like a mouth thing to close it up so he couldn't open his mouth Interesting. There's some tricks in here. I can't tell at what age? He was 16. No follow-up questions. Okay. No follow-up questions. So break down those three. Yeah, use your logic What do you know? But maybe for a month. He had to have it in though. Oh, he keeps adding information. Um, his dad never worked ups Uh, okay. Good. So what what's the lie? That's a lie. No, my dad. You work for the ups He had three jobs he worked the ups He was like working for like some ice cream fucking company or whatever delivering shit and he worked for the mail He had like your brother never had a mouth infection. No, I feel like your brother
Starting point is 00:07:35 I've taken your brother to the dentist for a mouth infection. Let me just say something right now. Who won that game King did I did. Do you know why because I'm the deceiver Because they were all lies I'm the king of all deception I'm the shadow of all shadows. You cannot see within me. I'm there and I'm not I'm between the edges All right. I'm beneath. I'm above I'm not around but I'm here. Happy halloween. Happy halloween I can't just say something else. My dad did work for the ups. What is real?
Starting point is 00:08:11 That's what it is. That's what life is. No, it's not life is deception life is shadow play And I'm and now you no one knows what the truth is what is it because I'm a wizard I'm going to find out from your brother. Did your dad work for the ups? All right. I'm going to call him actually Yeah, call him right now live Okay, call him live But anyway, um, my brother did not have an infection this month In fact, do you didn't know I was lying because I was making up like a like mouth He had a head shut with the device, you know, I mean that could have gave it away
Starting point is 00:08:40 No, you kept lying but then you would add a little later. I know that's only so we can like, you know Strengthen the line with adhesive Like all that stuff. Yeah It's closer closer speaker. Hey, um Did your dad ever work for the ups? Yeah Yeah, he did Yeah, when he first he was there, I remember him telling me he used to um
Starting point is 00:09:08 Because he was so small he used to like load the trucks like on his ass and he like got a bunch of boxes in that way Yeah, yeah, he had an ass system. All right. Okay. Thanks, Steve. Thank you Yeah, I went there was lying No, no, he did. He actually did. Yeah. Thank you. Okay. I love you. Thank you See you fucking assholes. What the fuck do you try to do the ass system the ass system You don't know what the ass system is the ass system He used to like I don't know like because he did he is so small. I guess he used to scoot I don't know what the system was but I don't know what the time but my point is is this is that my dad used to work for the ups
Starting point is 00:09:49 And I went wow deception. Okay. It's just complete deception. There's no Theresa May There is no Theresa May as a friend. Are you say you said that you won the loss that game? No, I'm I I feel good about not being the better liar Oh, I'm a really good liar. He is he can look you dead in the eye. Yeah And tell you I did not do that. Like he says I'm fucking like, yeah, you know movie Yeah, and then I don't know how in his mind he can convince himself that he didn't do it I think he believes his lie so much that it's his truth Yeah, some guy once at seven lemon goes
Starting point is 00:10:24 Hey, you did that youtube video with I forgot who it was And I didn't remember I I got no He goes, yeah, and I got mad. I'm like fuck no Fuck you man. No Oh, I use a motion. Yeah, Harry. Yeah, where you're confused, but then I remembered it, but then I kept lying So I could just get out of it. You know what I mean? Yeah, I go no way What's the biggest lie and life altering lie you've ever told life altering there is no life It had real consequences good or bad. We're like you lied into a good position. I literally while bill burr. I lied to
Starting point is 00:11:03 I told you by the already when you guys played poker. No way before that. What was so when bill burr first moved into LA He came to the comedy store and he just kind of looks at me. He goes Oh, yeah, you're french steeper and I go. Yeah, and he goes and we talked We'd see each other and then he invited me to his house for his birthday or Christmas or something And I brought over old boy The Korean version I gave him as a gift and he played the drums, right? And I go, oh my god, I'm gonna be friends with this guy And then
Starting point is 00:11:34 Right away a month later Um They could the cover at the comedy store and the Jeff the guy that works at the comedy store goes bill burrs here He wants to go up before you and I go, there's no fucking way he's going up before me Fuck you You know what I mean? And Jeff's like what just tell him he has to go up after me So then when bill walks up to me goes, I ain't built you going up Oh
Starting point is 00:12:00 Like I didn't have the conversation Yeah, and he goes I saw you talk to that guy. What did you say? I go, oh, fuck Oh, and he goes, you're a Hollywood scumbag And I go, yeah, yeah Greed yeah, and then And now I think I because I've done some stuff with them now. I think it's I took a couple years repaired it Yeah, but I you know, I've done my I've done a lot of lying. Yeah, but it's not just survival lying What is the other one fun line
Starting point is 00:12:27 There's survival on this fun line and there's also just what the fuck you're lying for lying Oh, what is an example of that? What the fuck you're lying for? Yeah. Hey, Bob. Did you see this movie? Yeah When I didn't I could just said no, but why could you just say no? Because he wants to be because I don't want to get in the I don't know. That's not what it is All right, George, ask me if I saw a movie and I didn't see it. Go ahead. Uh, did you see uh The 400 blows Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Good. Good. Do you like a french new way? No, no, that's it. That's it. So you that's I walk away then Or was no after they engage. You just fucking walk away because now now now now here's the truth
Starting point is 00:13:05 Go ahead. Ask me the same question. Hey, Bobby. You've seen the 400 blows. No It's like truffles now. I guess put this part right here. I do not want to listen to you Don't want to be in conversation. I don't want to get involved. I don't want to know about truffles I don't want to know about you trying to sell me on the fucking movie. I want to move on with my fucking life That's why the lie is appropriate. What about you? Have you ever told the lie so big that that maybe you've either gotten away with or that's Altered your life in one way or another Do you want to like give up the lie now? I think I said it but I don't on here already. What is which one is it? What I lied about uh where the EMTs came to me in the martial arts competition. You remember that? Oh, yeah
Starting point is 00:13:42 Yeah, yeah, remind us. So I've done something similar to that where in karate class like when I was in high school Uh, I don't know why I just wanted attention or something. Yeah, I we were sparring and when the girl I was paired up with a girl Oh, yeah, yeah, you totally we're fighting. We're fighting. That's not the competition. It's different It's just a normal class. We're fighting and then the girl like everyone's watching this like all-star fighter next to us In our class, but no one was watching our fight. So the girl happens to kick my inner thigh Instead of my crotch, right? She's my inner thigh, but I pretend I get hit in the crotch. So I go Oh, fuck. Are you kidding me? So now everyone's like coming over to me patting my back. Are you okay? Are you okay? Yeah I didn't get hit in the crotch. I just wanted attention. Oh my goodness. Did you get caught? No
Starting point is 00:14:22 Wait, did EMTs come? No, that was the competition with the EMTs came When I pretended to hyperventilate because my lungs weren't working because it was fat But that was just because I didn't want to lose to a girl who was beating me in a competition for a man That's sad line. Yeah, that's that's sad. Yeah, you do a lot of sad. I do a lot of sad life. Yeah, yeah That's survival lying though, too. You know what? I mean, you know, look, I mean, I don't want to get into politics We're not going to get into politics, but Look at our president. He lies every day Survival and he does it out of survival. He's learned
Starting point is 00:14:54 He's done a lot of things that I've learned from actually Like when you're in the hot seat, you just accuse other people of things using the you're using Trump is using the bobby technique. He's learned from you Maybe maybe but there's certain things I learned from him that I go that's fucked up. That's wrong, but I You know, I'm gonna use that I'm gonna use that I don't like you but I like the technique Like he just like you you get accused and then you just kind of accuse You deflect it, you know, or you just make up some random lie and you just you keep repeating it
Starting point is 00:15:30 You know, oh and people start going. Yeah Yeah You know, and then you're like, oh my god, I'm a liar Holy shit, because I'm winning. I'm winning. Yeah, like the guy's winning. Yes The muller stuff today with the man of fort and all that stuff, but you know He could survive it Yeah, he could survive all of this stuff and his deceptions and his lies Can carry him through this first four years. I think doesn't it carry every single politician like every single term?
Starting point is 00:16:01 Yeah, but not to the degree that he lies He lies every day 10 times a day There's no trying to like over and then he's got other people around him like Sarah Huckabee that lies That make up he they they're encouraged to make up lies So they're all good at it The best though and deflecting though. It's so good at it Kelly Oh, she's very good. I just watched the compilation of her. She can just do anything But we've already caught on to her though, but she's she has a specific technique. She keeps face where she repeats your question
Starting point is 00:16:33 And then just goes to her talking point. So it sounds like she's answering your question Yeah, but she's not but then uh, but then just goes to what she wanted to talk about anyway That's why they won't let her out anymore. George. Did you lie a lot growing up? Oh, no I did not know how to lie at all. It's the worst Ask that you can already tell that he can't fucking lie this guy. Yeah, no, but they're what do you mean? No, he's a good hearted guy this guy. This guy you can fucking like he gets fucking robbed in Colombia Oh, I thought you were trying to like equate religion with like honesty. No, he's just He's the horror scum of the show
Starting point is 00:17:08 This guy's unable to lie I'm jealous of my cousins because like they weren't even like supposed to have Snickers bars or any like any sweets at all Yeah, so whenever I'd visit them in Minnesota, I'd go and like The whole day we'd like our goal was to like bike five miles into town to get a Snickers bar and bike back Yeah, and then their dad would like say where have you guys been? And they'd be like they just do bald-faced lies like we were biking around the woods And then he'd like look at me and I'd just be like my face would be red and I'd be like Woods bike uh pedaled you can't even
Starting point is 00:17:40 Well, I hadn't had to lie before, you know, that's the problem. You'd be dead. My parents didn't teach me a lie It's one of the greatest. He's the biggest rat in the business I would keep whenever I visit him now. I'm like, why didn't you tell me to lie? It's a valuable skill guys You you didn't prepare me for the world George told us something very interesting last week because we were getting our merchandise made in downtown LA at the factory And then I said, oh tiger belly should sponsor a prom next year where we should invite like 80 people And we should go we should have just a prom theme You know and just have this like adult prom, right? And then George was like, yeah, yeah, we should do that because um
Starting point is 00:18:17 Oh, I never had one And I was like, what do you mean? You never had one and because he was a seven-day Adventist They weren't even allowed to dancing was not allowed. They have banquets. They have junior senior banquet a banquet That's your senior banquet. It's like you live in footloose. My whole religion is footloose Honestly, so So dancing is the is the devil's way uh pretty much dancing. Well, it leads to uh, you know carnal desires Wow, tell the job. I like that because they don't believe that Jabba walkies don't for sure. So like what did you guys do?
Starting point is 00:18:51 Ellen DeGeneres doesn't she dances all the time. Yeah, what is what do you do at these banquets? We would get bust into some uh, do you say we get roast beef? Some food or some food or some restaurant that had a good of good vegetarian options. We'd all sit down Wait, they were all vegetarian. Yeah, you they don't eat meat. Yeah, then we'd sit. Oh my god We'd sit at large communal tables You'd like hope you had like some friends and not the nerds in your table You're no Amber alert, you're all nerds
Starting point is 00:19:19 Excuse me newsflash. There's no new new flash. There's no good people. You know, why did you just amber alert? That's like a child being kidnapped Amber alert, I'm sick. I'm sick guys. I'm just trying to figure it out. You know what I mean, but you're all nerds by the way Yeah, so you can't be cool. Do you did all that restriction make your childhood memories fond? Oh, I didn't know what I was missing at the time So it's only later on that I kind of wished I'd gone to like a big high school with like the You know like have the football experience or other things that I missed out on because we didn't even have like sports We didn't have sports against other schools aren't allowed either. Um, we did intramurals
Starting point is 00:20:00 So it's like five on five flag football. Yeah, I mean a flag football too. So no contact. So nothing against other teams We didn't have competition against other like schools. Oh, so everyone's a winner in life Yeah, except we I did play like Optimus soccer. What is that? It's just like a local soccer league that's not affiliated with the school But we had all of our oh, I thought like other teams I thought it was like a transformer And we'd play the local like high school like the team that had most of the advertising it would play the local high school Optimus soccer it's always lose
Starting point is 00:20:29 Of course. So we had like so many forwarders on our team. We were like head good individual players But they weren't good over we didn't play as a team because we didn't like play outside Was there any hot chicks at your church growing up like seven for sure there was oh, yeah, I'd go to rebellious ones Um, not too many Well, I can I can I have I have a little confession and don't take an offense to it Okay, baby, but there's a documentary called the devil's playground. Okay. It's about the Amish and then they have that what What what is that the little room springer? Yeah, where they can party crazy crazy, right? But there's this one girl that's in that document. It's really pretty right
Starting point is 00:21:05 And then she just leaves the church and she moves to florida and I used to have this fantasy This is way back she was fine. You know that I would like I'm the first guy I'm the first guy that she runs into And I show I show all these tricks, you know You show the real room spring. So I remember seeing watching that documentary and thinking I'm just a few years too old to go down because I was like that's like 20 miles away from me I was like, I need to go find these Amish parties, man. That looks better than what I'm doing Can you go to those parties, baby as a non-armish Amish person? I would have tried
Starting point is 00:21:36 Oh, we gotta go to those. I think you can. No, I used to like my dad sold uh, she's like no Everyone's have you seen those parties? There's yes, of course. I used to watch the the the show the not turning Amish the the one where they Rebellion yeah where they try to see they live in LA for a little while and they try to see whether that was based from this Document or this documentary came out. You got to see the documentary. It's amazing. Okay. That was because you go. Oh my god They're going hard They're doing like, you know drugs hard drugs and all kinds of stuff and then some of them go Okay, I got out of my system. I'm gonna be a fucking Amish. So many of them go back. That's the interesting thing about Amish Oh, I thought they all just leave after the no
Starting point is 00:22:13 No, the whole point is is to get it out of your system and but how how long do they have to get it out of their system? Uh, it's usually like two to four years. It's like, uh, what is it your 16th? Oh, it's like the show then where they come here and tell you like go back into the church Okay, it's not like just a not one nighter No, it's a month, right? Imagine that you're like, you know, you're you're you're on the one of those excursions and you're like On the iPad and playing games and you're doing drugs drinking getting pussy and then one day just going, okay Back to the horse and back to no electricity
Starting point is 00:22:46 Back to no Diet Coke making cheese from hand. Yeah, I I will say though that there is something to that what to just not having too many Things inside your body too much stimulus too much like just Unnecessary stuff first of all go back to basics. You got to wake up When the sun does that's fine or in the rooster crows. No, thank you rooster crows go up with the sun go down with the sun All right. Number two at night. So what do I do? What does one do you sleep because you're up with the sun, dude
Starting point is 00:23:20 You've been up since 5 a.m. It's time to sleep. Yeah, but do you play like board games like hey, sweetie? Let's play. I don't think they even have chica. Chica. I love chica. Oh my god. I miss playing chica with you So you and I let's say we were on this we would play chica. That would be still in it Mm-hmm. You still play games. What is that is competition too fucking too much already too much Is that is that I don't know with the omelette. I just remember I had dinner with them every summer Yeah, I couldn't grow a beard out. So that's I'm out there. You're outcast Yeah, I'd have to grow like one of those foo man chew mustaches. Yeah, and they're like is that a guy homage and I'd be like Yeah, I am dude. Like I'm trying
Starting point is 00:23:55 I'm so hard. Yeah. Yeah, I haven't shaved in fucking 15 years. Give me a break I'm just ethnically this way All right, and then So then I would it could so I would look weird, right? I imagine a black. I'm wearing the black hat Like I'm dressed like Abraham Lincoln, but I have a foo man chew. Yeah, I think it's pretty hot I actually you'd be a town leader because they'd be like, oh she's the oracle Like they would they would put you the oracle now. You're the oracle because I'm asian Give a fucking foo man a foo man chew. Yeah, maybe how'd you get that black eye?
Starting point is 00:24:26 Oh my god. Do you see what I have a black eye right here? You can't really see it on the bottom left. Yeah Yeah, you gotta fight. No, I was um Beat the shit out of him. No saturday night. So we had a big ordeal saturday night Number one wasn't an ordeal. No, but I had a lot of pressure Number one So the people that I'm on the sitcom with they want to come they wanted to come see me perform Okay, so we had dinner at Lindsay Price's husband's restaurant. Oh gwen Gwenn
Starting point is 00:24:56 Curtis Stone Curtis Stone the guy's amazing. Yeah, so Lindsay meets us there with Oliver Hudson and um Diane for far far and Curtis is there. He's he's our waiter. That's ridiculous and Curtis Stone is Just going there's what I'm gonna do for you guys, you know, I mean this in the Australian. Yeah, and then he We just had the best meal you could possibly have customized amazing. It was off the menu, too
Starting point is 00:25:23 He was just like any food restrictions and like nope. He was like, okay. I'll just cook for you Yeah, here's white white wagya beef steak. And it was like a plate of it lamb shank just lame shank just like Just the best food you could ever have that's crazy and you had like a pre-desert before a real dessert. Yeah to cleanse your palate Yeah It was some like citrusy like just yeah amazing amazing shit
Starting point is 00:25:51 And then so she takes off because she wants to go to this halloween party that michael rosa bombs doing Oh, well, he said if we flake, he'll never speak to us again. Whatever He was because he said that to me before and I flake nine times. He's too nice though. He'll never and he'll always he always accepts me back He calls you christian bale. I am He calls him bobby leave Really bobby leave. That's funny. That's good. Spread that around shout out rosa bomb. Yeah But anyway, so dinner. Yeah, so then they come to my show Right and I'm back there
Starting point is 00:26:21 And I'm so excited to get up on stage It's so dark back there And I run into a speaker And it hits my eye right here And then my eye starts vibrating You know what I mean? And I know it's going to turn into a black eye And also on top of it. I started feeling sick It was just a and then
Starting point is 00:26:41 And then I get up there. The show was okay I give them the tour of the club But then fucking it's now midnight and this bitch is like you gotta I put the yoko ono Uh yoko ono outfit in your car. You gotta go out. So I'm frantically putting the yoko ono outfit in the car I was wearing I didn't have Time to buy the wig the whole John Lennon mustache thing So I was like, I'm just gonna bring you know wear white stuff out of my closet, right? But it's not gonna make sense if yoko doesn't show up
Starting point is 00:27:13 The only thing I had going for me was like the 70s glasses So I was like, okay, no one's gonna fucking know that I am supposed to be John Lennon unless my wife shows up When you showed up you look like a tall yoko ono You say two yoko ono? So I get there um with Jessica and Jenna and I call Bobby and I was like, where are you? He's like, I've had some random parking lot trying to put this shit on because he didn't want to let me down Because I had like, you know
Starting point is 00:27:40 I had a bad attitude earlier that night. I show up into the thing. It's like a fucking dive bar Right. Oh, it's not his house. It's a bunch of comedians. I know a lot of people there Yeah, I I literally just walk through it. I do a circle around it. I do a little quick dance moves Documented and I just left Oh, you didn't even stay at all. No, what's the point? Yeah, he doesn't drink. I don't drink. You know, I'm not single I'm in a relationship. There's no point Okay, yeah So I left and uh, I know I'm deathly ill
Starting point is 00:28:11 But it was a pretty okay night. Yeah, that is the funniest costume I've ever seen in my entire life. You saw it I saw it. Yeah, I think you're funny because I live with you. I mean we laugh at little things here and there But I was on the floor For 20 minutes in tears. I was screaming. I thought it was the he just if you had to have seen him in person It was 50 times better than the picture Because the way he was moving too and his ass crack was out. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's how I do it You know, I know I don't work. I don't work a Halloween room Yeah, but he did this whole like different stance where he was like kind of like this delicate
Starting point is 00:28:44 He was like moving kind different too You seem very turned on. I was yeah, it was it was fun. Yeah But the sickness is like it's it's fucking this is the worst kind. Is that because of the party? I don't know what happened No, well last week Um Jenna Fisher was sick and she said kept saying I'm sick And I was always like real close to her something into my face and then I'm not gonna get I'm not gonna end it just it overwhelmed me
Starting point is 00:29:11 And of coughs and head and body ache and sore throat And dizziness and I lightheadedness and I just don't feel good. You know I feel bad, you know, and then it's like People keep canceling us on this fucking podcast guesting We're tearing killin bail out Russell Peters was due tonight Russell. Come on Russell. I didn't try because today Okay, well because today I woke up. I'm like all these people keep canceling that. I did it They cancelled on me not asking them. What is it today? I could have called somebody deception But I'm like, you know what? I'm too sick to even deal with it really, you know, so fact check. They did not cancel
Starting point is 00:29:53 They did not cancel they didn't cancel And then I have to be I have to be there at 6 30 in the morning. So I'm fault, but But I want everyone to know that it's Kalila's birthday Wednesday. Whoo, and um Um, you know sin gifts We had some great gifts today. Yeah, we got this costume A nice tiger bellies slept king uh beanie People kept saying just keep sending me these uh dream waters and it's like the greatest gift I get so excited This is from Roxy. Thank you Roxy for these dream waters
Starting point is 00:30:22 and um Yeah I don't know. I don't know about you guys, but one of my favorite shows right now is um And I've always watched it. It's called snapped. It's on oxygen. I buy them in bulk now I buy them seasoned bulk damn and I'll just roll through it and what I realized that is in women Women listen to me if you're gonna kill your husband or your boyfriend think it through Wait, what?
Starting point is 00:30:49 What do you mean? What's this? What do you mean? What what's this show about? Hold on? It's not what it's about No, snapped. You don't know what snapped is. No. What is it? It's all it's all like it's like these one hour episodes of like Women who snap and kill Either like scorned women like don girl kind of but it's not really scorned women It's basically just fucking female criminals who they're not always the ones who kill Though sometimes they have another guy who's in love with them do the job for them like yesterday with the pastor Yeah So so one late so one lady let one lady, right? She's she lives in a small town. She married
Starting point is 00:31:25 Her high school sweetheart. They have two kids And then they start to go to this church, right? The woman meets up the pastor who's charismatic. First of all, there's no such thing As a as a sexy charismatic pastor like a sexy one. You know what I mean? I don't I can't imagine Ever being in church and goes I want to fuck that guy There are those types now the young like like supposedly like cool pastors who are like oh, it's sad Suck my dick. Yeah, no. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I have a I have a story about what happens. Well, what happens though is is that
Starting point is 00:32:03 she She tells the pastor like And he says and he goes okay Okay, so I guess they own an insurance business or whatever and the guy and the wife and the And the husband are like working. She goes I'm going to go do some errands. She leaves the insurance business The pastor sneaks into the fucking thing shoots him in the head Right, and then they show photos of his body
Starting point is 00:32:34 Which is really sad. But what I say yesterday What did I say yesterday? What that they're rookies. No No, what he probably got shot because of the jeans he was wearing. Oh, yeah It's just these these gaps like old navy flares. Oh the flares. I mean, I couldn't it's come on. Yeah, get real If you're you you have a insurance company. Yeah You can you can you know get some tapered. I thought his jeans skinny jeans or skinny jeans But there were these like baggy, you know and these white
Starting point is 00:33:06 Rebox, you know, I mean step it up if you and collider on an episode. Yeah, so like you would die What would you want that's a what would our snap story your snap story? Like what would she do set it up would you would you be my lover accomplice or would you be the guy that I kill? You would kill me Tell us how how oh you would definitely kill. How do you think I would kill you? Okay, so this is what I end up. Um um actor comedian Podcaster of tiger valley
Starting point is 00:33:32 was found Right dead. Yeah in his house. Okay house in his condom Well, you want to make fun of me now? That's already They're small apartment. Oh, she's a little drops. Okay, and he for four days He hasn't been showing up to work. I whatnot And you are in vegas girlfriends in vegas alibi. Thank you. I was alibi and I was poisoned to death
Starting point is 00:33:58 Oh with what what kind some sort of Philippine route. Uh, let me think let me think let me think something No, something that she goes. Hey my uncle, you know, it's a book a book. Yeah, book a book Yeah, and then I go and she makes me try shit. Yeah, I go. What is it? She's like it's good. It's healthy. It's healthy Bobby, so I chew on it. I die Then she goes off with coinda Jessica jenna and they go to fucking. Oh, I could kill you with the poisonous part of the cassava plant. There we go There we go. See what it is so quick to answer that as well. Mm-hmm And then um, is it because of another lover or it was like an insurance thing? No, I don't think it's any of that
Starting point is 00:34:34 I think she just had enough That's my motive She hates my smell lately. What do I smell lately? Everything you smell like everything. Yeah She hates my smells like you smell it's like a combination of like foot and cat piss. Yeah She just does not like my smell. Look at this foot. It's always in my face Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She doesn't like anything about my fucking. I try to sniff his dick earlier. That's not fine. Your dick smells fine Well, it's pure that's why it's the only it's pure it is. It's pure. Yeah, it's purity life. It's amish. He's amish dick Yeah, you have a very clean amish dick. Would you ever?
Starting point is 00:35:09 How I want to tell you this right now. Yeah, tell me what I did just I'm gonna say this right now I'd write if you were gonna kill me and it was anything it was about money Or anything like that. Just come up to me and go. Hey, I'm gonna. I think I'm gonna kill you Yeah, but for your money, but if you just give me like 30 grand I'll give you a running start the 30 second running start and then you know, I won't kill you. I'll just leave Yeah, then I'd be like, all right. That's legit. I won't go to the police And because she has some sort of like resentment or whatever sure And but just don't kill me. That's not a good motive because I don't like the way you smell
Starting point is 00:35:46 I'm gonna fucking kill you. Yeah store you and then still give him the ginger root or whatever kisaba How to go how to make chloroform? Yeah, I'm just gonna give you the kisaba plan Okay, so you know how a couple episodes ago you were shitting on me because you said I had made up a story about the submarine The dutch I did get uh two pieces of information wrong The guy was not dutch He was danish and how I found out was because I got eight mess eight hate mail messages about from dutch people who were like We're really proud to be dutch. Don't you ever get that shit wrong? He's danish
Starting point is 00:36:19 I was like, okay apologies and her name is not kim halts kim wall but You know how you're like, it's not not in the news. It's not in the news. It's in the front page of everything today No, it's not yes today why today for I literally do I woke up today? I was sick because I wanted to know about this paul man. I forked shit like yeah And I did not read anything about a fucking submarine and I add google news And I go down 10 fucking stories. There's nothing about he just admitted to How fucking dismembering her? Give me your phone
Starting point is 00:36:50 Give me your fucking phone What about the egyptian cobbler? All right, let's go let's go to safari, okay And okay, first of all when you go to safari and when you just hit safari. This is what comes up. She's clothes shopping I've never seen you wear clothes like that ever. Yeah, I like those reformation pants All right, new never worn up news right like that news go News top campaign official new trump advisors outreach to russia tech companies find more signs of russian election election activity
Starting point is 00:37:28 kelly reignites feud with rep wilson South korea china steven killed as israel destroys cattle catamonia One dead and shooting near university federal judge in dc bow burger They're gonna go japan soft background trump expat united new 18 hour flight apple could drop qualcom the 10 biggest announcements from playstation's paris games I'm going to keep going boy. Apple made bad bad on face id House of hearts cancels as fallout continues for spacey. Oh by way harvey winstein gets a lifetime ban from unfolded man's backward b. Okay, really? do me cruposo trade all right all right
Starting point is 00:38:06 There's nothing there, bitch on page 500. Yeah dutch There's no duck. There's no day. There's no submarine. There's nothing. Alright, so next time you bring up a fucking bullshit story Make it be real bullshit. I like bullshit The submarine was a bullshit. So why do you lie? That's your lie. You're a deceptor. You're a deceiver, too We're living in the shadows. My eyes are seeing an illusion of so they cancel fucking The cars the cars because of that I think they were gonna wrap up anyway six seasons in oh still Listen, everyone knows about the Game Mafia. Oh
Starting point is 00:38:45 In in hip-hop and in all over Hollywood Hollywood Ryan singer runs that yeah, yeah singer Singers the cap spacey all these guys right. He's a hard war. Everyone knows that you have to do what they say The game mafia. Yeah, and as long as you know the rules you survive by the rules You know, that's why I saw fucking Brian Singer at a fucking eye hop once I sort of fucking got okay, but in in in West Hollywood He's with a bunch of like fancy gays, right? And they're just laughing it up like how we got all this money, you know, whatever And I was sitting there by myself and I wanted to get up and go
Starting point is 00:39:19 Hey, I just a big fan of usual suspects and your work, but I just didn't want to fuck with the game mafia They're all deep because the next thing you know, you're I mean something's inside you But here's how I know Kevin Spacey is not part of the game mafia because he's been hiding under the rain But he had he didn't he hadn't come out officially until yesterday Twitter Everyone knew that he was gay. I know but he had never I've got at least three friends who he play here say he's hit on them But yeah, I know but it's it's it's well known that he is but he's never outwardly said hey guys I'm out the closet. I'm I live my life as a gay man But he hasn't raped anybody, right?
Starting point is 00:39:58 No, but he he sexually apparently harassed a 14-year-old Way too young just think that it was just a little bit convenient for him to finally You know come out of the closet to he did a Kellyanne Conway. He tried to the fly. Yeah deter from that News by offering new news which is hey, I'm gay and it's like we knew that the gay community hated that Who's a great balls of fire? Who's that singer Jerry Lee Louie? Who did he marry his cousin who was how old 14?
Starting point is 00:40:33 It was Winona Ryder and I just think no no in the movie But why was it okay then what year was that? 1940 they made a movie out of it, too. Yeah Yeah, why was it okay then? It was the American South, you know, that was the culture back then. I have no idea cuz he He was I'm not I'm saying it's wrong. He should have been wrong back then, but I was asking I'm not a big star at the time. I'm sure like Kevin spaces another big star Not as big as Jerry Lee Lewis at the time, you know, that's really he was that big. Oh, yeah, great balls of fire
Starting point is 00:41:07 That was a pretty good song. Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty good. Really good. So yeah. Yeah, oh shit I feel like dancing right now by my point is this is that things just change right people's evolution Yeah, evolution of like morality and it's like I always wonder if I talked to this about them about the age limits and all that So yeah, we talked about it extensively We talked about age being arbitrary all that stuff. Yeah, but anyway, that's out there, you know But Kevin you so Kevin you think he's gonna live through it Yeah, because it's just it's not one of those. Hey, like he harassed like that guy that till back guy Three hundred and ten women. That's a lot and he has you know, I I don't suspect that this other actor is lying
Starting point is 00:41:51 But that was 30 years ago in some like drunken stupor some shit like that Here's what it is. Is is that doesn't excuse it and that's what I want everyone to listen up now Okay, is is that you can achieve your dreams and you can be the top of your game. Okay, because I'm pretty sure Kevin Spacey as a young actor who was gay. He always knew he was gay Probably legitimately went to like bars to meet other guys and they did hooked up in the traditional ways, right? But you you know, you get you get your movie and they become a big star and then you give it given everything You know and you it's like I think at some point. It just doesn't end your hunger And I think during that hunger
Starting point is 00:42:34 Right, it's when all these little weird things come up hunger for what famer. It's not just fame. It's adrenaline You know, it's like that's power then that's just abusing But I'm just saying that I think it's you know, people just get drunk with it With with the power, right? It's like, you know, people my brother always goes How come you're so depressed like your life is going so good right now and when he my brother says that to me I was go. Yeah, you are my life is great. I should be grateful and Then Mike, oh, I always question myself like why do you get depressed? I mean your life is pretty good right now, you know, and I have to check myself my point is is that I
Starting point is 00:43:11 Can't imagine being the number one in everything and having everything and then what happens to me, you know And I think that In many ways, I thank God for not getting me all the things that I always wanted Are you happiest when you've achieved something or are you happiest when you're on the climb up? You said something to me that like a couple years ago that I still tell people like Jenna and others It's like the most fun you ever had in your life was getting there And those are the memories are very very vivid in your mind. Yeah of the road the journey not the actual destination I mean, I feel I even now
Starting point is 00:43:53 Because I feel like I've been through so much That now I approach these things with different a point of view or perspective Like when I when I show up to the show, you know, there's a set and you know I have a dressing room and you know, there's other actors and you know And you have craft service and people going, you know wondering how you are in this and that It's it to me now. It's not like I'm not entitled I'm like, oh, yeah, this is what I it's like. Oh my god. I'm so lucky to be here
Starting point is 00:44:26 Mm-hmm. I really believe that I show up and I just look at the sets and I go This is fuck I was laying there with Lindsay and I was we had this bedroom scene We're we're laying there in one of the studios and I was laying there And I was looking up because you have the walls, but then when you look on the ceiling empty It's not empty. It's just it goes to the you know, it's studio, right? There's nothing there about lights And I just go isn't this insane like they shot what north by we're Northwest or whatever movie they shot in here and And one day pretty soon this studio system is gonna be gone You know, they're gonna be it's gonna get to the point where it's gonna be irrelevant
Starting point is 00:45:05 Studio system just be you know shooting these kind of shows in these gigantic studio movie lots There's just it's gonna evolve and change and We're just lucky Just because you know getting on a sitcom now on a network show is so hard and they're not if there's not as many That like that we should really be like going wow This is amazing that we're at the end of this thing and we can still and she's like, oh, that's a good You know, and we kind of like Sad in it, you know, I hate talking about this kind of stuff, but you know
Starting point is 00:45:40 Being sick and all you know, I'd say whatever I want to but um It really is you know the end of it, you know, because with YouTube and all this stuff We don't know what's gonna happen. Well one day. I'll just have locations and no Studio, I mean because they built a house inside this thing, you know, you know And one day they're just gonna what's gonna do about this house, you know, and we don't need this, you know But it's kind of cool. Can you see like remnants? Like when we shot Matt TV, we shot it in the I love Lucy Studio Gower. Yeah, no, it was um Hollywood Center
Starting point is 00:46:15 And they shot um, I live Lucy there and so when we and but back then I would piss on it I would like take a shit in it like I don't give a fuck right that kind of mentally. I'm punk rock. I'm young I'm hungry, but then it's like you realize you're not the shit that you could be replaced, you know, I mean and You just kind of change your eye, you know, I wish I had it back. I wish I could go. Wow, this is amazing You know And you see it a lot of these young guys, you at least young guys that I mean I can't name names But you see them at the comedy store. They're just they get their first thing and they their eyes just get all crazy And their mind gets twisted. You didn't have that. What was your first big purchase?
Starting point is 00:46:56 Where you were like, I'm gonna this I have a car right away. Yeah Volkswagen and then after you because you have just Thousands upon thousands of toy boxes in the bedroom. Yeah, I would buy toys, too I mean, I just would buy things but the thing is is that that stuff came after because of being sober When I got sober, I'm like one of my kind of spend on so I found other addictions Like I went on a toy addiction and then you said you would get like facials every day. Yeah Would you get a brick Williams to get facials every day? Yeah, no IBM IBM money. Yeah, but you know Now it's just being in the moment with my beautiful girlfriend In our little castle here. It is a castle
Starting point is 00:47:40 What's when you think about your you becoming successful Gilbert, what do you think is gonna be your first big purchase? It's gonna sound set. I mean before what I said something in materialistic Probably get a really nice car. Yeah, but I think as I get older and I think about my parents and my grandparents And I'm very old in age where they're you know, I feel I realized like man, they're still working So it's like I'd like to just maybe pay off mortgages for them. Just not tell them. I think that would be like damn Same that's the greatest thing. I was able to do for my parents. It's a care of them financially, right? Yeah, I've been sending them every month. Yeah, you just they don't have to worry about it And I I just it's just a part of my expenses, you know
Starting point is 00:48:19 Yeah, because of all the fucking bullshit. I put them through. I mean a lot of fucking bullshit. Yeah, you know, yeah and Who knows what's gonna happen with us? But we're here now and we're a family and we're doing this fucking podcast and maybe this will end one day I know when do you think I? Think we'll get to about 500 500 and we have a lot of time then that's about what two and a half years three years five No, no, no, that's like three years over three years. Yeah, it's over three years
Starting point is 00:48:48 Then I'll be like 37 I mean, I would hope that I would have like progressed and done Something else in my life, but this is not this has been this is nice. It's a journey Are you kidding me when I look back when I when I'm older and I look back at this time I'm probably gonna get very weepy. It's very cool. Yeah, cool. We don't know what it is I like everybody. I generally just you know, I get annoyed at people very quickly and you guys have never annoyed me Lies, I swear to God. You give Georgia Raja. Oh Oh, oh, sometimes we we squabble, but you know beyond I think that I squabble with my sister
Starting point is 00:49:23 That's doesn't mean she annoys me. I don't shower with George and But yeah, what if you were to start with George and Bobby walked it. Yeah, that'd be so weird Maybe one day we can all shower as a family. Oh my god. We should do that. We should do that's a vlog. Yeah, wait No, I'm not in it. I don't want to I'll do it. I'll do it. I will video. I will do that as a vlog. At 500 episodes, we're gonna take a shower together. Yeah Yeah, we're going to put soap on our bodies It'll be crazy. Hold on who puts soap on who? Oh, we do all on everyone So everyone gets a shot at two people. I feel like my natural instinct is to go for George first
Starting point is 00:49:58 I don't know why. You wanna soap up George first? Wait, what do you mean go for George first? That's offensive. I feel like me, no going for you is like that seems so like normal or Asian Like oh, well, it's clean each other, but George is like ooh exotic. Oh, yeah, you're a novelty George Novel yeah, I'm on the Asian grab your butt cheek. You're a good white dude, man I like your Gw Gw all day. You're our Schindler You said that about Vanderbilt, too. You guys are you're one of the Schindler whites and I like that's a new one SW's yeah, and they're white you would help. Yeah, you'd help the cause. Yeah, you would have to cause but anyway, um Big fight Saturday. Oh
Starting point is 00:50:33 Yeah, really big really big one three big ones you guys even if you're not UFC fans or MMA fans You guys have to watch this weekend's fights. It's amazing. It's uh, we have a legend coming back George St. Pierre Chubby George St. Pierre Chubby. He's gonna fight Michael Bisping who is older, but Bisping knocked Luke Rockhold out the Anderson Silva. Yeah, and He he's he's the ultimate journeyman. He's good. Yeah, it's okay strong on those two not that much not that much Mm-hmm, but Michael Bisping has been fighting. Yeah for what like for a long time and GSP is coming back. I don't know. It should be interesting number two is the Johanna Rose Nama Eunice fight and
Starting point is 00:51:21 Rose Nama Eunice Although I'm a huge fan. I think that she has in terms of that division skills Unlike any other person on the thing she can do Groundwork she's aggressive. She's strong creative determined. She's creative and She's gonna that lose who rose. Yeah, there's all the great things and she lose I just think that she is so Atypical and I think you're right. She is very creative. So I think there could
Starting point is 00:51:52 Potentially be some trouble spots for you on it because she is so technical. No She's very like by the book and perfect in every way. She's like good. She's good on the ground. She's good sprawl She's amazing Carolina beat your rose Pretty with those knees. Yeah, it wasn't close. Okay, and Johanna killed Carolina I thought Carolina. Yeah, and um, it's not gonna be close, but I do love Rose. Hopefully Hopefully she's gonna bring something to the fucking octagon that we don't even expect. I think that that's a possibility That's a possibility. Yeah. Yeah, and then my favorite fight. It's gonna be Cody versus TJ who you're going for TJ I I'm a huge tg deletion. I really you know, it's unlike me. I mean because I you know, I don't like that
Starting point is 00:52:40 He left alpha male, you know, he He's kind of like just a Lonely average dumb white dude, you know, I know but he's just an average. He has average like DW He doesn't like you know me arty shit. You know, I mean, how do you know I could I listen to his interviews You know, but he doesn't let those mind games affect him and I think pound for pound. He's the best guy in that division He he he barely lost to Dominic Cruz. Do a lot lose the Twice that was and then the two matches he's had after the Dominic Cruz. He's won
Starting point is 00:53:19 Mm-hmm. He's he deserves a shot and I think I don't like Cody garbara Yeah, Cody's personality it runs me there. It runs me the wrong way. He's so bro. He's a good fighter But he's so bro. Yeah, I think he's amazing. I just don't like there. You're right. There's something about He is a very marketable. That's a dumb. That's a dumb guy. He has a very marketable look He's handsome. He's got cool tattoos on his neck. He's a beautiful fiance And the look is there and I get why he's marketable, but you're right There's something about him that like just doesn't you know, he's not my guy. He's not my Robert Whitaker Like just like a ball and like I wish I knew him
Starting point is 00:54:08 That's old people. Yeah, Cody garbrand even when like Robert won the last fight and and Michael Bisbee was trying to start shit He was just smiling and just like he gets what it is You know and he's he's he's no fool. Do you think it's because like Cody is you know, he's he's a handsome guy He's got nothing to do with his face. He's from Ohio. That's why he's got no Maybe we're reading it wrong. I'm not reading it wrong. He's a I bet we'd like him in real life Be careful be careful. Be careful. Yeah. No, let's not go down that road because he may be a guest. No, it's something I feel like we would like him. I I just I just love TJ his movement and and I just think it's gonna be fun
Starting point is 00:54:51 It's gonna be a good fight for sure. Yeah, it's gonna be a good fight interesting So you guys watch it so you you know, you know, what the fuck we're talking about. Yeah, and the Dodgers By the time you guys by the time this episode airs. It's either we die or we've on the world series So there were we'll find out on my birthday. What do you mean? It's a Tuesday. This airs Wednesday night Wednesday. Yeah So by Wednesday, it's either we've already won or lost game six or we're gonna we're about to play game game seven Yeah, on my birthday is is game seven if we don't lose tomorrow. Well, I think we're gonna lose tomorrow shut up You know, it's a good possibility because of Verlander's pitching
Starting point is 00:55:31 But I have faith. Let me ask you something. Yeah, if we lose tomorrow, how sad would you be? I would be Pretty devastated. Yeah, you cry because her mom last night here. I had to leave. Why I Just couldn't deal with it. It was Wait, your mom too. My mom is more obsessed with baseball and me just screaming and I'm like I gotta go I didn't have a spot. I pretended I had a spot. I would do the spa and then I went to um Crab, what's it called the boiling crab boiling crab. I love that place by yourself. Yeah by myself Two pounds of shrimp whole pound of shrimp at the table and sausage and corn and I'm sitting there by myself Watching the game, you know, maybe because it was just it too crazy. It's pretty close as ridiculous
Starting point is 00:56:17 It was a great game though. It was it's gonna go down in history as one of the greatest games so many scores You know the pitching was off. I think that's why they scored a lot But a lot of runs him I also I also because of the Cubs last year and because of this is the first baseball games I've ever seen really, you know, which has made me a little bit sad because someone wrote me like oh all of a sudden You're into baseball and it's like anyone who's known me at all Dodger's gal like I've gone She just hopped on a bike with the white guys. That's the true look at look at our anger. Look at our anger She gets she's gonna pitch a degree for four years. I've asked Bobby to go to any never brought out any game
Starting point is 00:56:53 To truth in a lie. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't know why it's so you you're so resistant to the idea of going to a ball game with me Oh my god He has to sit there for five. I can teach you everything seventh inning stretch I can say I can you know, I don't do I just don't do things like that I you know, I can't I can't tell you how many times not because I'm not just an unfun guy I guess you like you wouldn't go to a live arsenal game, right? I don't know. I wouldn't unless it was like someone picked me up and forced me to go even arsenal game Dude, I literally like, you know, the only event I've ever gone to is when the pixies got together
Starting point is 00:57:29 It's a band and that was like They were my favorite band in high school So I In my head I was like there's there's they're never gonna do this again. I have to go I went to the Greek theater and it was fun, right? Yeah, my point is is this is that that's the only thing that I've ever wanted to go see Like even that fucking Halloween costume thing I only did it not because I wanted to go because I wanted to please you Yeah, and then we have children. We're gonna be like look at this time. I dragged your father out to Halloween party and he was Yoko
Starting point is 00:58:02 That's good. I'm gonna be like it's just memory building. That's all I know baby That's why I go to the middle of memories. I'm a memory builder and I was screaming. I'm a memory builder Yeah, come on. I just want you to go to some ball games with me next season It depends if I'm singing maybe if the pixies are there No, if I do the ant national what if I guarantee you that the camera will pan to you at some point and you get to wave at the crowd You know, let's all your credits. Yeah, I'm like, oh Bobby Lee I get to wave to the crowd. Yeah, I bet you they will you know, they won't yeah, they they sigh I'll just go bitch. Have a fucking go. Can we not sit in left field pavilion though?
Starting point is 00:58:39 He doesn't he doesn't he doesn't give a fuck what's the question on helpful advice with Bobby and Kalilah This is to Bobby and Kalilah. I'm a queen. Did I add that maybe I'm a Korean-American base in LA And I feel like I connect to you because we're both Korean of course and I love Filipinos But also that I've been having some struggles with sobriety. I went to rehab for six months and about two years ago for my addiction to meth and Xanax when I got out I had a clear mind and told myself that I was straightened up. I put my family through so much I knew that I needed to make things right again after all the bullshit I put them through I Overdose numerous times on meth and Xanax on separate occasions and would always find my family next to my hospital bed
Starting point is 00:59:20 That's what made me want to change my life for good. However about a year ago. I started drinking pretty heavily I thought that was okay until I started getting urges to drink by myself I feel like I hit rock bottom in the past But I always find myself going back to an escape which involves a drug of some sorts alcohol My mom came into my room last week and she started tearing up telling me how she doesn't want me to go back to how I was Because she noticed that I drink every day and I don't know how to tell my parents that I'm an addict again My mom's health has been very bad lately with numerous surgeries. She's going through a lot I don't know what to do. His name is Joe. Yee. Joe. You're always an addict
Starting point is 00:59:56 And it's it's something you're born with you're never gonna shake it. You're an alcoholic. Okay, that drug addict So that's forever. Okay. The only way is to put your disease in remission And the only way to do that is complete abstinence All from all drugs Okay, so you you know, I don't know how many times I have to tell you this but You just have to Surrender go. I cannot control this now. There's nothing that I can do willpower has nothing to do with it. All right, I Joe cannot control
Starting point is 01:00:35 It's beating me drugs and alcohol are my fucking masters. All right, so you have to fucking succumb to it get on your knees and and pray and Then you got to go to a meeting and you got to go to a meeting every single fucking day for a fucking year And then get a sponsor and all that stuff, but that that's the only way I know how to do it You know, I mean there are other ways where you can capture somebody and put them in a room like you did with You know your sister But we live in America I know but we didn't capture her aboriginal. Yeah, actually we kind of did. Yeah, they shaved her head. It was like G. I. J. Well
Starting point is 01:01:16 We didn't want she was like a She also just wasn't doing, you know, Xanax another thing. She had gotten very very deep With she was already like way gone. So you're gonna listen. It's captured her Did the for drug addicts and alcoholics if you are one the only ending is jails institutions or death That's the that's the end of the road Okay, once you realize that You can stop that from happening by
Starting point is 01:01:51 Doing what I said, but it's you know what it's there's only a 5% you know Chance that you're gonna stay sober Yeah, I guess those are the stats. I guess he also wants to know I guess thematically with this podcast He wants to know if he should tell his sick mom it can make her worse or he should he just lie I The way to do it is is by your actions. I think I Mean, you don't have to sit there and go I'm gonna try and just go to a meeting and get sober you know because
Starting point is 01:02:26 Whatever you think you're doing is not you you're gonna make everything worse By now, you know if you continue to use and do drugs either you're gonna die or your your sick mother is gonna see you die Or she's gonna die before you can get better and you can't even show her your real sober self you know, this is some serious shit dude and That's just How I was raised, you know doing it. It works for my brother. It's worked for me and I'm just telling you To get immersed into AA and 12-step groups
Starting point is 01:03:06 You know, but don't don't yeah, there's a captured the capturing thrown a room doesn't work If there's other ways to do it, I don't know about him. I can't fucking speak on on their behalf But you know what I don't like about where my sister in the Philippines lives You know how Bobby can sit here and be like hey I've been 15 years sober and he can talk about all you know His life as an addict and still have a certain like pride about him about get being the sober individual, right? Over there. There's this like looming cloud over her head where people are always gonna stigmatize her. She's she owns a business She's married to a lawyer. She does great for herself. She has a family of four
Starting point is 01:03:45 She's a well-to-do woman, but forever no matter where she goes. It's always gonna be people whispering Yeah, but but that's but see that's right there. That's nothing to do with her. That's like small talic small I get the same thing. You don't think that I did. Yeah, not from drug addiction, but the way I do my comedy I mean people talk about me. It's I don't let any of that seep into I don't give a fuck what they think All right, I come from a Korean family. They fucking would say all kinds of shit behind my back, you know My uncle's an answer like he's a drug addict. This and that he's a worthless piece of shit or whatever It might be, you know, that's nothing to do with anything What I'm saying is is that I went to Thailand and I went to meetings there every fucking day
Starting point is 01:04:26 And there was a lot of Thai people sober damn even in time. Yeah, and there are places that you can go everywhere around the world There are places like in North Korea. There aren't meetings Right. Yeah, some places in the Middle East. It's hard. Mm-hmm, but other than that You can go to a meeting, you know, and they're there So You know Good luck. Good luck. Joe. Look Joe Joe Anyway, that was a weird there's a good lot that I liked fine. It's fine. Thanks guys. Have a be safe at Halloween
Starting point is 01:05:04 Don't take apples. They put razor blades in a good dodgers. Good Dodgers Uh, any shows for any shows from baby? Yeah, San Diego. Hey, hey Hey Bad news San Francisco Bobby shows this weekend at the punchline were canceled Because it turns out Bobby has to be on set and film throughout the week and throughout the weekend. Sorry about that Well, why am I apologizing? It wasn't me. It's your fault. It's your fault, but next weekend this November 9th through the 11th Bobby will be at the American Comedy Company in San Diego and
Starting point is 01:05:44 at the end of this month For people in Edmonton Apologies because initially we thought that Bobby was gonna go to Edmonton at Yuck Yuck's there But he's actually going to be at Yuck Yuck's in Vancouver So opposite sides Of the yeah, so yeah, that's November 30th to December second, I believe Bobby will be in Vancouver and then after that he will be at In Oxnard at levity live two weeks after that
Starting point is 01:06:17 So go to Bobby Lee live comm for more information and ticket links. Cool. Oh Oh, any announcements George anything any shout outs got any shout outs. Oh none this week Shouts not even for your Dodgers. You're wearing a hat. I want to say I want to say congratulations to Tanya and Jerry They're Tiger Belly listeners, and they're gonna get married on November 9th So congratulations to them both and they're from I believe Downey, California any reverse shout outs Maybe two astros. I would like to do a reverse shout out to Gouriel who is an astros Shot rider who did the whole ching-chong I think to you Darvish who is our starting pitcher and I Think you should pay for that bastard, babe. What do you think about that?
Starting point is 01:07:10 Quick question is China is China man considered offensive. Yes, okay, cuz I'm gonna say this No, listen, this is why this is why I'm asking because I fucking watch the new movie The Foreigner with Jackie Chan Yeah, and these fucking Irish people and English people they say China man like 30 times in one time They say Asian male so it's so normal But are the characters supposed to be like small towns small-minded a couple of mafia people But then there's like the police precinct. They're like, yeah, we got a note from the China man Then you see Jackie Chan. Oh my god I'm like everyone in the theater is laughing because we're like
Starting point is 01:07:48 Happening now this is not said in like the 1800s No, so after everyone just gives you like China man in the theater is ridiculous Maybe it's like a character thing where there's supposed to be just like me not educated You know the lieutenant. Oh the precinct. Maybe there's just like the China man has information Departments slang what so I don't know if that's normal maybe in London. I Don't know you guys answer that question for us. Is it normal to say China man in UK the UK? Please let us know I doubt I doubt China man Sure you're working to Chinese if anyone call me a China man
Starting point is 01:08:29 Yo China man, you're hilarious China man. What I said you're calm No, no, the China man part. Yeah, you're China man. No, I'm not That's I call me the n-word dude. Oh, I was black, but I'm from London You don't sound like you're from London. I'm not done. Oh, hi But China man, yeah, China man is a um rich. It's an old racial term, but there it is And I think hooligans say it in England like that the you know, the underclass Okay, yeah, but I don't think like the Queen would say it Or Simon Cowell
Starting point is 01:09:12 Get this China man off the stage. Yeah x-factor. Do you guys watch the crown on Netflix? No, but I do know the actress Claire Ford was touched by Adam Standler. I saw on her knee and yeah And she did not like that. Yeah, I seen that too Um, but it's a really good show love. Hey, um, I gotta get to bed soon. But um, good night I know but not that I don't what are we gonna do for food? I Have to sleep but I need to eat. Um, what do you want? Did you eat my last bibimbap? No, there's still one left Yeah, I'll eat that then. Oh, that was easy. Are you sure? Yeah, I can order something. That's fine. This one our stove is broken I haven't been able to cook anything. Oh, okay. Oh, all right. Bye. Bye guys
Starting point is 01:09:53 I make sure you follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly on Twitter at that Tiger Belly and emails any questions or concerns at The Tiger Belly at gmail.com you can like follow Colilo and all social media at calamity K and George at George underscore Camel and all Bobby's tour dates at Bobby Lee live.com. Bye. Good. Good. Dodgers. Good. Dodgers. Good. Dodgers I'm the seventh game. Oh, no, six at least. Let's fucking win the six first. Oh, yeah. Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondry.com slash survey

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.