TigerBelly - Episode 116: Taran Killam & Little Whale Teeth

Episode Date: November 8, 2017

Taran is Yoda. Bobo has baleen. We talk dial up internet, debilitating paranoias, blurry lines of comedy, and Toki on sabbatical. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Califo...rnia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Transcript
Discussion (0)
Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Prime members you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Five four three, two, one Let's be going. What is that wormhole? Oh, yeah. Yeah Through Well, no, that's enough Fucking flat face fuck. Thank you so much. So my bad. Um, you fucking filipino for the flag Everybody welcome to the tagging barely podcast and I'm so excited today because um
Starting point is 00:01:07 We have a guest but I want to introduce the people in the room before we introduce the guests we have um I'm so sorry for saving saying that which one calling you flat-face. That was rude up front. I can open that way It's accurate. You're a human Thank you. You don't look it, but you are I'm pretty sure. Okay. We got Kalyla my girlfriend. Yeah All day every day Hollywood nights 2017 We got Georgetown USA's AKA she's fucking carve your skin make lampshades. Oh
Starting point is 00:01:40 Okay, right here we got skin skin and then when I oh this nose Poking my fucking brain right now. I'm behind the shit. Yo, dude His nose poking my shit from behind. Oh, it's not poking his shit Kinetically in shit, bro, and we got dude. We got Terran kill him. Give him a round of applause everybody Oh That's so nice, thank you Ali Madrigal goes would you have Terran kill him on your podcast? I didn't think we could even Come on, but could we know each other? Yeah, I consider you a bud. Do you not is that not nice?
Starting point is 00:02:27 Not even a bud though. You know what I consider you. Yeah, like you and I went to nom together sure Yeah, like you know like when you don't see somebody from nom for a while. Uh-huh, right? Well, I mean Yeah, yeah, I mean, I know you do have never been to nom in the war situation not nice I have a lot of Canadian friends who vacation there now. All right. Yeah. Yeah. They love it. That's what it's become You can you my wife is oh That's good. Oh, no, they're great. Oh, no, they are you and I I know
Starting point is 00:03:00 People don't know this and if you do you don't but let me tell you Learn and unlearn okay is is that when I my first show was at some people a lot of people know was mad TV and I tested To get on the show with Terran. It was just you and I right just us. Yeah Oh, they're like, which one would we want gook or regular white? You know, whatever. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that's not what they say said in the room. How old were you 19 day? 30 No, we hung out because we met they brought us in for rehearsals to and we met there
Starting point is 00:03:49 We went to Hollywood Center studios and did that whole like studio session thing. Yeah, it was either you or him. No, no Oh, it was not like a we tested we auditioned Rehearsed and then tested together. We played video games afterwards. That's right at the lot It's Fox at the time. They had like two or three like upright video. You know, yeah We want to be a watch out games. Yeah. Yeah, and we just played in the lobby after after testing Oh, and then saw Nicole in the parking lot. Yeah, she was like you guys both the great Oh my god, and then I got called that day. I did too. Yeah So but I didn't see you again until Virgin Megastore. Do you remember that? No, I ran into you
Starting point is 00:04:29 But like a week maybe two later at Virgin Megastore at Crescent Heights and Sunset, and I didn't know if you got it And I was like, hey Yeah, oh, you didn't even all right. You're like and I was like, hey Um, so I got it. Oh, wow And and I was like, oh, and then the first thing you said is have you used it to get laid yet? And I said no, yeah, well, yeah, I think I probably my voice crack Oh my god, oh my god, some people do It's so perfect this guy
Starting point is 00:05:16 Yeah, wow. Oh my god. You almost fucking killed me just now, but bro Don't ever do that again Get it. No, you're so good. But and then so there was no internet by that back then so you couldn't Research you couldn't Google like yeah Yeah, yeah, and and and the first thing I read was TV guide They'd like announced it in TV guide and it was like what like a hard medium Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like a three-quarters rectangle. Did they have internet? I don't remember they did but it was like diet. Yeah, it was dial-up. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well And oh that's something out of there and then I'm talking about Amanda Bynes at the time. That is true. Yeah
Starting point is 00:05:59 But this is a you don't talk to her anymore. I know no, we're Dating a little over two years and then she wisely broke up with me. Wow. We were very young as you know But that did that destroy you or no, I was very sad very sad. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god Very very because I remember her because she would show up to her like she came and would hang out and stopped and I'd be like Oh, she's so in fact every time I would run into her after that. Yeah, so sweet She's just the nice nice loveliest. Yeah, charming and imagine them Yeah, at that age Her show yeah, I did it was sort of my first job out of high school was like I did like ended up doing seven episodes of her show
Starting point is 00:06:48 It's a testament I'm standing. Yeah, look at this is getting serious Yeah, it's getting serious. It's a testament to your talent that you're able to go from Nickelodeon and also do two sketch shows But the only two really that was on at the time really, you know, it really is a it's it's amazing Thanks, buddy. How do you feel about this? Good Accomplished in the mirror and you go. I'm the shit or no. No, I would never do I would I look and I go Sit down with it again. Okay. I said the wrong answer. Yeah, I'm the shit I'm the shit. No, I go that's that's pretty cool. That's impressive
Starting point is 00:07:30 So we did a year and it was it wasn't but we did like like 13 right hired for four and Then and they and you me and Catherine Catherine got hired a little bit later than us last day Fiori Fiori That's right. And and and it was like in the first the first 13 episodes We would overlap so you and I only did like two episodes together And then you do it too with Catherine and then you do too by yourself. It was so weird Yeah, it was so weird and also it was like almost Like they weren't you know, you think that you were you're inviting to this family and
Starting point is 00:08:06 Then you know because there's guys that have been on the show for a very long time And it doesn't feel warm sure Yeah, like some people are like, no Yeah, like hi you go. Good morning. They go. No. Yeah Okay, for sure and then there's some people a gay K. A. Will Sasso the best is the best Here's a guy who is warm Canadian Canadian and and in you know, my opinion, I'm sure I'm biased now liking him so but the funniest too Oh, yeah, yeah, one of the funniest one of the funniest. Yeah
Starting point is 00:08:43 Effective when we was I was there and like like a month in he was like just come to my house It's a barbecue and like that kind of thing. It was out of that Gesture. Yeah, I might have not survived totally. Yeah I there was there like I can count on one hand the people who went out of their way Mike Hitchcock was one for me. Oh, he's the best the best. Yeah, he really looked out for me But I sold the show after Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jennifer Joyce was very kind one of the best Yeah, Scott King one of the best
Starting point is 00:09:17 Yeah, I mean the all those guys even like Lauren Dombrovsky was mine. Yeah. Yeah, same same I loved Lauren me too. But so then you did 13 and then that was it I did 13 and they asked me back But wanted to ask me back for 17 of 22 They're like trying to renegotiate because you know if you got picked up it was supposed to be the full 22 or whatever and My reps at the time were like, you don't need it. Forget them. That's insulting and I Listened to them. Was that regrettable or no? Probably not at the time. It was tough. Yeah, because even 17 is like a
Starting point is 00:09:53 Serious salary for a 20 year old. Yeah I'd left college to do the show and couldn't really get back in so like my parents were a little bit like what the fuck Why are you saying no to work? Yeah? Long term it worked out good. Oh amazing. Yeah, yeah, because when you left then they brought Ike and Josh Myers, right? And that's where my pain started Yeah, because these two kids like if you don't know Josh is Seth Meyers's younger brother Ike Bernholtz is on the Mindy project and on everything right now and they work together They were a duo they all did together, right? Yeah, you're so smart, you know everything
Starting point is 00:10:34 You just know the facts on about that stuff. Yeah And they and the writers knew them to as well, right sure and I was a stand-up And I didn't know how to do it yet. I still might not know how I couldn't even you know how they say that the old term Fake it to you make it. Yeah. Yeah, do that. Well, I mean like we attempted a couple of times I remember us trying to like write a snowboard sketch together Also, because we didn't have real dressing rooms. We were in a trailer outside of the building We're in like that were the new kids. Yeah
Starting point is 00:11:20 Everybody else had like D's and and again Sasso it was the year that the tenacious D album came out So I would go into his dressing room and he'd play the songs and we'd sing him again He's oh, wow. Yeah, he's the best. Yes, and that was That was the year where I remember my first sketch was I played Jackie Chan, of course of ever Wilson played Chris Tucker, right? Okay, and Will Sasso was Lance Bass and we were on See what happens and I remember he's on the cover of people right now It's a sketch. Oh really? I feel like those
Starting point is 00:12:01 Amazing yeah, we've been amazing. They should do that movie or whatever But I should so they had me on they had me in early. I was the earliest guy for the call sheet But I was the last sketch This is back, you know, they could have to put the prosthetic nose. Yes, this is back in the day when you otherwise You wouldn't have looked like Jackie Chan What is that a racial dig their character? No, no listen, I was just saying I had a killer champ But they had me early but that I was the last sketch wouldn't it like if I had to do it now I'm last I'm gonna come in last right, but they could just like put me in at five in the morning
Starting point is 00:12:41 Totally had me sit there all day, you know, I mean But anyway, you get the Pat you get the print out the email So obviously there's internet the night before of the list and you'd tear like I would go through and like Which parts am I gonna read in the stress of oh my oh my the tail those are the yeah Were they the worst they were tricky they were tricky in what way because you didn't get them emailed They would drop it off at your house. That's right right by mail right somebody would literally drive your house Yes, and right packets were like this thing huge. Yeah They would read like 45 sketches and they would pick six and you sit at like a last supper table
Starting point is 00:13:21 With all the cast right so you're all like side-by-side with everybody. You can't really Yeah, actor relate and it's just all the producers and writers across from the network across from you Yeah fired at these table reads Like if you're doing so terribly Not not in my time. They're not in my experience. Well, I mean not on our show, but you've heard of it and other pilots Frequently, yeah, yeah, yeah, but here's the problem. All right, so you're there's 43 three sketches that you get But you might be in four. Yeah, yeah, right and if they're only gonna pick six Out of 43 that would mean nothing
Starting point is 00:14:01 Mm-hmm, and I remember going that's what was hard for me is I would go through the thing your names And I would be Japanese businessman number one. I have no line You know, I mean, oh, I'm a fucking tree Yeah I'm a tree not me. I'm not like a fucking tree. Yeah, and if there's no it had nothing to do with the sketch It was like, right, you don't know what else to do with them, right? We got to put them in it, you know, and I remember I Just didn't know how to do it and I remember like
Starting point is 00:14:30 Even just stuttering were you know what they did to me Taryn when you left Karen, this is what they did to me when I left. Yeah, I was gonna hear They made a um, there was a tape passed around to all the riders of all my flub lines And I was like a joke real kind of a thing and they were passing around for a year It was like not You know for it was like one of those things like you know how you like read watch YouTube videos of like a lady Slipping on grapes and breaking her back. It's my favorite. Yeah Yeah, but that was like me and yeah when I and then I saw the tape and it said Bobby
Starting point is 00:15:16 And I don't know what it's Bobby's a fucking idiot or whatever No, they're like, oh, that's every scene you do right God and I was just like you guys made that It's a cruel. Did you ever find out who the source was? It's tricky because there's also such power And I found this true at SNL as well that the riders have this weird power where they are determining the material for the most parts and with no Vocal risk right like no no no Perceptible risk because you know 40 sketches and you can barely remember
Starting point is 00:15:56 But if you're the one who has to read it in front of all of your peers, yeah It's a real unfair pressure and I'm sure like that was put together Sort of like, you know ha ha ha comedy people razzing and roasting but but without the empathy of like what you have to go To yeah through every week. Yeah yourself out asking Everybody on the show out to the dance basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was the pressure on SNL worse Um, well, I knew what I was doing at SNL after Matt TV all the people most of the people who were nice came from groundlings So I started taking classes there after I left Matt TV and I started know that classic groundlings Yeah, so I felt more prepared and I did feel Matt TV in some way prepared me for an environment for a harsh environment and for critical
Starting point is 00:16:44 and and and for Disposable creative effort. Yeah Um But then you also feel the status of it and that's a different kind of pressure to of the institution that it is and what it means To be there. Yeah, just alone the guest stars. I mean, I must be just sure. I mean you're getting the cream of yeah Yeah, I was more excited and giddy probably mostly because of my youth but also Because the year I was there blink 182 hosted one of my favorite bands at that point tenacious D and Jack Black were there Lost my damn mind. Oh my god. I believe it
Starting point is 00:17:25 So I got was more of a narrative about that because it was also my first experience with that Yeah, and you learn pretty quickly at SNL to kind of get over the The fame element, right? Yeah, it's only gonna serve you to treat them like a right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean were you Lauren was it scary was he Certainly intimidating. Yeah, absolutely intimidating and and overall over my whole time it's weird because I saw both very good and very kind and very Complementary and supportive and human moments. Yeah, and then and then opposite very dismissive very cold very What felt like, you know passive punishment type moments as well. Yeah, yeah, but you ever get like even on like a man
Starting point is 00:18:16 I mean, I'm dick with sushi is not even the same element, right? But she was our Right producer, but they were got to the point where I could call him sure and go. What's up? You know, I mean, yeah, but is that you can't do that with it? I got email like that's the closest they got I got email, right, but certainly like David Salzman's much more accessible Yeah, yeah, Rita here. I read her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can you can approach them and come to their house show up Yeah, just show up. What's up? I'm in for yeah, I'm in for that thing. Yeah. Um, so yeah, because I everyone I've talked to you know
Starting point is 00:18:53 And if you read live from New York and just some of these it's just I wouldn't I honestly When I found out you were on the show, I'm like good for you him. He's so talented But I just know for me, I just wouldn't be able to do it It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, you are a sensitive little bird. Yeah. Yeah Paranoid of so paranoid. Yeah, still paranoid. Oh, yeah, then it would it would destroy I know what I mean, I Could destroy it now in the simplest things, you know, I mean like video village. I can't I hate it Yeah, you do a tick and you're like your peripherals on video village
Starting point is 00:19:37 Mm-hmm, and then you just imagine what they're saying about you. I do right, right, right, right, but you see you have the job See all those little things you're doing right now. You're a little like crafty fucking doing up fucking director tactics Yeah, it's great. No, it's no, you're right cash the check. Yeah, but I know I know but cash the check Let me just say something to you great. Did you learn that? Yeah, certainly over time. I in that What are you gonna benefit from being paranoid or are you gonna catch them like is that is that the ideal of that? Is your paranoia gonna lead you to catching them and then you're not made a fool
Starting point is 00:20:16 They're the fool because they're caught red-handed and you were you have the upper hand for being so insightful and observant observant Is that that's the best scenario, right? That's exhausting and who cares? That's true. Whoa. I this is exactly what I needed right now Holy fuck, but yeah, because because their shit isn't your shit, right? People who make a tape about you and put it around and laugh and it makes you feel bad. That's there. That's on them That's not that's not a judgment. That's not right reflection of who you are as a performer as a human now Okay, because I brought the tape up though, right? Uh-huh. You could understand though when you experience something like that Yes, right you think in your head. It's you get PTSD from it
Starting point is 00:20:56 Sure, I believe it so then I carry that into every job now I don't I don't behave in an erratic way. They don't think oh my god Bobby's paranoid I keep it to myself. I come home and she gets it. I Mean just poor girl. I mean, it's like yeah, they hate me I can you know, I mean, but even after last week's rap party It was like he was there for an hour and he came back just sobbing. No one likes me Yeah, it's I know it's part of it I think I think you have not you the royal you either have a tendency towards that or don't you know your chemical makeup
Starting point is 00:21:32 but I definitely If you're nice and you're a good person and your intention is good Fuck everybody else, right? Yeah, and you you may have made a good point beforehand. It's like If they're saying we're moving on yeah, you know, it's basically them saying we got what we needed Yes, you've done your job. Did your job. Thank you and we're leaving. I just want them to suck my dick every once in a while But they're not gonna do that. I hear you. Yeah, that's not in the current It's crazy
Starting point is 00:22:07 Yeah, no exactly especially especially on a scripted show where your character is locked you're hired For a weekly episodic. Yeah, if they only need two takes and they say great moving on you did your job. Wow, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's their job to say to you We need something different and if they don't do that then either They're bad at their job or they have what they want and that's on them. That's not on you Wow, I Needed him fucking. I Needed him fucking two months ago, baby. Oh
Starting point is 00:22:39 That was not a wet man. What I was wet. That was wet. It's a shallow wipe day. I'm yeah, I'm I'm At my age now. Hmm. I really believe it's not I'm breaking down 46. Yeah, no I mean, I'm almost 50. That's not that's fine. What? That's fine. I understand about that, but I don't live well Okay, well, yeah, that's an issue with donuts, right? And I mean, there's some healthy snacks. What are we? Oh, we got a jug of brittle Okay, we have to a toffee brittle. I hate that's these dried mangoes these chocolate sugar Laquaw Cucumber Laquaw You ever let me ask you something about Laquaw. I know our sponsors. No
Starting point is 00:23:26 What what all of a sudden yeah overnight for sure it is a zero calorie It's the flavoring But it's still not necessarily great for you because of the carbonation right for your teeth in particular What does that do? What does it do with your car? But now what here's a new paranoia now What does fucking carbonation do to your teeth? It it it erodes the enamel and it and yeah If you if you are constantly doing it if you you know, they had there's videos online You can see if you leave a tooth in so oh my god, well Bobby doesn't have enamel you want to tell him Oh dear. He has four enamels total
Starting point is 00:24:04 Actually have maintained and the rest are just raw nerves Just exposed nerves just like it's like whale teeth Oh, you see the whale teeth look like it's feeling it's like little straw They're just certain things. I've learned over time. You can chew meat with gums You can you've adapted takes a while. Yeah, it hurts But you guys just it better to maybe yeah, but you know back in the day when you would see like homeless people I'm trying to help you. How do they eat? God you come guns, you know. Yeah, all those back as you look at my I look fine, right?
Starting point is 00:24:42 You're great when you like my teeth, right? You look the same as when we met and I thank you No, you look exactly the same. You're like more of a man. Yeah, boyish back then. I was very young Yeah, but all the teeth that you see are the ones that exist All right, the back there's no okay. Yeah, there is no back. Okay, because I don't floss Yeah, yeah, I brush but once a day. Okay, and I didn't go to dentist for like 15 years, right? But you go now. Yeah, so do you have super teeth in the back? Nothing. You're not you haven't done that yet Just gum just raw gums. I wonder if they could put just one giant molar. Yeah, that's very no instead of putting multiple molars Sort of like a Bond villain tooth
Starting point is 00:25:28 There's column chopper He's got like two giant metal like stimpy stimpy from the stimpy like a gigantic lock of tooth. Yeah back there I read Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, would I have to suggest it to them? Well, they already have it they do that sometimes when they don't they don't put the proper tooth in the right place when they implant The teeth because they don't want to create gaps where things can get in between sure so the cosmetic dentist will usually say hey We'll put a bigger one here just so there aren't any gaps between your teeth So you can tell them instead of making a molar make a giant molar that's dope
Starting point is 00:26:04 Whoa, or like have like just one long curved like Just a mouth guard to yeah, exactly like a mouth guard. Yeah, just one giant one Yeah, like the grills like mask teeth like Jim Carrey's the mask. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I want That's what I want. That's what I want But do what they did they? Is that the time where they shave down the tooth and then they put it on top of it drill it in and they have to like Or do they drill those are veneers when they shave it down to like a stupid years all the way to the back but your front teeth are fine Those are actually those have to be implanted. No what you did you shave down the front teeth, right?
Starting point is 00:26:41 Then you put the veneers on top of it, but make the whole thing Extend we can ask I can truly inquire for you Contact a dentist. Let's ask that you have two kids. No, I have two children. Yeah, yeah I know what their names Shailen and Joelle. Oh Joelle's a boy. They're both female girl. Joelle is a girl's name joy Joel. Yeah, Joly that song Joly To die are the twins no eight and three years old you have a fucking eight year old. Yeah, yeah, bro Wait, wait, so when I am when I am your age, she will have spent a year at college. Oh Fucking god, this is blowing my fucking mind out of the water right now. Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:27:33 A little behind on the game, but that's we aborted to Literally clean the game You lost again, but my point is is that so before you got SNL you had your first daughter, correct? So how would how did that so you knew you were living in LA? Yeah, and then my wife was on a TV show here Yes, exactly and so for the first four seasons. I was flying back and forth between every hiatus week I'd come back to LA. Oh my fucking god four years. Yeah, there's a ton Wow Yeah, yeah, you come back for a week, correct You wait wait you so you would shoot three weeks and then or how it does it mixed it up
Starting point is 00:28:20 Yeah, like three on one off two on two off. It's all choppy. All right, right, right And then you come back. Yeah, and then spend a week correct. I think I have to go back the worst Yeah, the worst and did they pay I don't know how much you made but like in the beginning was a you this What the you can say it if you want I made starting on SNL? Yeah $3,000 less a week than we initially got paid on Matt TV Ten years and I know that number really. Yeah, that's insane way, huh? Yeah See that's and do they put you up? They give you a relocation fee. Okay one time and if you have kids It's a little bit bigger. Oh wow. That's insane. Yeah, and they can do that. They do it. Yeah
Starting point is 00:29:03 You say people go to the comedy store and they go, wow, look at this lineup, right? How much are you getting paid? 15 bucks, right and people can't believe it. Why do you do it? It's just you have to do it to compete. Yeah, they're just certain things you do and you go This is gonna be beneficial to my life because in the long run You're gonna make so much more. I mean, that's just the beginning, right? It did so much for you Yeah, the opportunities that have come right it changed your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you became like the guy Yeah, the funny white dude on SNL. Yeah, and you know get so funny because you know, you and I
Starting point is 00:29:44 It's whisper you know, I haven't you know running each other and then like you then you got on that and then I was just like Maybe he'll forget about me No, you think that in your head like oh, they're in a different club. Remember when we were to that CAA party I'm like, this is the clubhouse Like now I'm starting getting invited to like the club again, okay, because I was out for years So I was holding her hand and we're walking and the music was playing and you get the little foods, you know, yeah Whoa, I gotta invite it back into the club, right? And so you think that when people go to the clubhouse they forget, but they don't
Starting point is 00:30:19 Yeah, no. Why are you not looking at me, babe? You're just a difficult face to forget altogether. Just your shape your overall shape very it was an intimate experience I think us getting hired on that show to get like and I and I would go and see you perform at the comedy store And I like done that and watching you Do your thing and then hanging out in the parking lot after work, you know, like yeah It was so many firsts so intense so exciting. Yeah. Yeah, you know when we This was I'm not gonna name the name, but you wouldn't you and I were at that's testing for the show Yeah, we had the studio at Hollywood Center studios and there was an actress there
Starting point is 00:30:57 Who when we left I go are you gonna touch you guys nah, I'm asking for 10 grand Well, that's what she said. Well At the time it was about $6,500. Yeah, I think $5,500. I think 75 is what I remember. That's what you got. Oh, okay This has been Right, I need 10 grand right and she never tested she's asked for the money and they said no, right? 12 years later. I'm at a restaurant and she was my waitress And the first thing that she said to me
Starting point is 00:31:36 Not even high was I shouldn't taken it. I should have taken it. Wow damn and I go it made me want to cry sure because it's like One just one ego decision like that You know, he was when you know, he didn't go back to Matt. I would I think we were all fine. He's a young guy He's talented And you'd already done stuff before that but with her it was her first thing I just don't think that you can make those kind of decisions, especially now
Starting point is 00:32:08 Now it's so difficult. You think so. There's so much more to do now Yeah, but you know, it's harder to make it you to read. I think it's harder to make it But like you look at like what are the the brothers that do videos on YouTube the Paul Logan Paul Logan for the polls Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. You won Yeah, you won that one Yeah, you won that one. I know it's ambition. It's always ambition, right? It has been hard work and ambition always but it but Paul I don't know the two you're talking about but that's lightening the bottle shit, right?
Starting point is 00:32:44 They don't I mean like everyone here's the thing is Well, what it is is you two guys YouTube guys and and the and that sort of celebrity is all about access, right? They're real willing to give all of themselves to their fans welcome my house. Here's my bathroom here This is my ad like you they give the address and like crazy up and hang out. Yeah inside their house Yeah, and that's a different kind of thing, but they make a very decent living very good living. Yeah. Yeah, and then But I prefer this style now as soon as mad happened. Did that help stand up? Didn't that help like your your booking? Yeah, but what happened was I after mad I had a deal a couple of deals and I did a couple of pilots didn't work out and then I just slowly
Starting point is 00:33:31 Started not being invited to getting out additions, you know, I couldn't get back in the room and then I Just was talking to my agent. He was just like I go. I don't know how I'm gonna make money It's been a couple years now and he goes you got to do the road and so I started doing the road and I stayed on the road for a while and I would headline and it's fun. You make great money But it gets to the point. I love meeting people and I love You know the experience some of the experiences, but it gets to the point where it's really Dreadfully depressing. Yeah, because you're in the woods like some club clubs. You're in a woods for like a week
Starting point is 00:34:09 Yeah, you turn on the TV and you see your friends doing shit, you know, I mean I don't know why you're laughing you like my pain Remember being in Like my friend I remember being in the brass or something and I remember like my friend was on TV and I was on in the shitty hotel room and Just tears Yeah, during the day coming. It was so hot. It was coming down my face. Yeah. Yeah and going I'm never and Then what happened was I just you just let it go. Yeah, you just go. That's not my life now
Starting point is 00:34:45 I had to figure it out and Then once I accepted my situation, I Started doing Chelsea lately and then And they got then that one year I got animal practice the dictator a bunch of shit You know I mean and then it's been fine since then but my point though Is is that you know there I believe that that was good for me. Yeah Anyone listening now? Everyone listening now. Let me just say something right now, right to back in, you know, the bad times are good
Starting point is 00:35:15 You learn so much from the way you laughing you fuck not you all fucking whip your mic I can't work my dick out anymore It was like I know everyone's seen it. I've only seen it in a performance. That's what I'm saying Like she was saying even in performance Well, just to be just to err on the safe side since everything's really you know dangerous right now I'm just saying you're you're seen already by a lot as like someone who's sexually deviant because that's the image you You put out so let's just err on the safe side and don't
Starting point is 00:35:50 Arm on stage and don't show your pews and Tokyo the dumb dumb wants to come out. I can't bring Tokyo the dumb No, you can't What's the play though? Yeah, but toky's going on sabbatical But he likes to Put toky on a cruise Okay, toky you're gonna go to cruise but The Rhine yeah, but let me say something though in a before I'll give you an example. All right a stripper Let's just listen great. Oh sure a stripper goes up you rest your case and shows a teddy and a vagina
Starting point is 00:36:23 That's one thing. She's performing, right? People are there to see that but if people already know that I'm over I'm kind of a stripper And I don't touch them in a sexual way, right and a sack falls out I mean one of toky's like like limbs Now where was it what was it in before what do you mean? Why did where did the sack fall out of from the cruise ship the cruise ship? No, gotta gotta gotta I have The sack was in the buffet. Yeah, that's exactly the way to put it was in the buffet, right? Toky comes out the sack is up inside of something. What do you mean?
Starting point is 00:37:02 Exactly. Yeah. No, this is the sack. I have I wear clothing where right toky can breathe. Got it, right? They're like windows. Uh-huh. Okay. My jeans have windows. It's great And every once in a while toky will stick on a limb and go Uh-huh, yeah, it's hot and a breeze. I need a breeze through like through like the the potty hole Yeah, yeah, you're pulling him out of there. Yes, and he brings a friend along. Yeah Well, it's a part of him. Yeah, you can say friend. I get what you're saying. Yeah So if All right, so toky picks his little eye out right of the little window
Starting point is 00:37:34 Yeah, yeah, yeah, and humans see it sure in a show environment. Okay. Could that get me in trouble? I Don't know. I don't know. He's that toky's I don't think it should but I don't talk. He's not going. I want to I want to go inside you That's not what toky's doing. That's not yeah, he's character He would never do that How do you know so well ten? Listen first job We did share out to be Michael McDonald won't talk to you
Starting point is 00:38:04 I didn't talk to me for a while, bro. Yeah, and then one day could I tell you the most hurtful thing he did? Yeah So the second year I was there and I was friends with Ike and Josh And I was one weekend and I called Ike and I go what are you doing? Let's go watch a movie or something Because we're all out in Sonoma Yeah, who? Everybody and Mike had invited everyone there and I wasn't invited that's rough And so for years, you know, I would be scared of them and stuff
Starting point is 00:38:40 But because I eight years and then like year four or five. Yeah, really good friends like yeah, exactly He's been he's lovely to me now. Yes, exactly You know what? I like you know what? I like guys where I have to earn their friendship. I agree sometimes in some situations I agree because it's like, you know, if You know, you look at guys like Like back in the day when I was a young guy like dice You know, you can say think what you want, but as a stand-up dice wasn't inviting in the beginning
Starting point is 00:39:15 And then once you years go by and he could tell that you're not gonna go away You know, you're a kid that's like in it. Then one day is like a Ching you used to call me Ching Hey, Ching how you doing? And you go, oh my god, you know, if you had done that right away And he still doesn't know my name He still calls me Ching but it you got so you on fucking YouTube. You don't know whatever But like I'm glad that I had to earn his you know, I mean respect. Yeah I prefer when people are just nice I'll go that's you know, I mean, yeah
Starting point is 00:39:50 Yeah, you know, yeah, that's always that's always a little bit better But don't sometimes people don't turn. No, this is true. Some people just stay dicks. Yes. That's true. And I've had to learn that too. Mm-hmm You're not gonna like everybody and not everybody's gonna like you and but in this world, that's just fucking assholes. That is true Yeah, I think there are Because you've always been a nice guy. Mm-hmm, but you also have the talent Hear me out. Okay You're nice. Okay, so
Starting point is 00:40:22 You're cute as fuck. That's cool. What? Thanks. Cool You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. Okay. Am I all right? You're great. Thank you You're adorable. That's all I wanted. I your hair is phenomenal. Okay. Let's move on too much. Yeah, push it now You're cute as fuck. You're super funny, dude. I really legitimately when I'm about to cry. I legit me I legitimately would think that thanks to I and number three Um You're sweet. You're a sweet guy. Okay, so when somebody like you works. I go, okay, I get it He has all of it. Right. You have the same thing. You're not cute. Oh, but you're a nice guy
Starting point is 00:41:03 It sounds to beat down inside dude. You've done things George. You're a good dude You do things for me and I really like it. What about skin skin? Ah Ah, oh, you know what everything but your nose is great I love you. I love you. I you know what good to say this What I just did you're a god you're a child of God and you are who you are and I enjoy everything about No, but but back to the tape people made where they made fun of you and it hurt your feelings Um, do you ever worry that maybe you do that to other people? Oh I do do it now. I do do it ingest. I think you probably justified like I'm in ingest. Yeah, I do do it
Starting point is 00:41:54 I know should I stop doing it? Only you can answer that Oh, you guys great 15 years. I have to see you fucking Shit, it's a bit really 15. I haven't seen him in a while It hasn't been I mean I like it they're feeling we've crossed paths either at the store or yeah, yeah functions Yeah, I've seen you. Yeah, we've whenever I see you. It's nice. Yeah Yeah, but I didn't see him in a while and maybe you do do that you do that with all of us Yeah
Starting point is 00:42:28 You do you are you able to tell the difference when you're giving somebody a hard time because your joke because you're doing bit You're in bit mode and when you're doing it because there's really some truth to it Can you do can I just say this 99.9% of the time? There's never truth to it, right? I never I'm never a harsh on anybody if it's not a joke. I do it just strictly on joke. Yeah on that level I don't even remember the last time where I was really berating somebody because I was so angry That's true. That's true, right? I mean I and so um, I used to tackle guys and just like tickle and stuff Right, you know in a in a head in a pro way in a pro way heterosexual way. Yeah, right cool. A bro ticker Sometimes I wouldn't tickle their cool way
Starting point is 00:43:13 Have you seen the tickling documentary? I know and then Paulie goes Paulie sure Paulie sure goes You know you learned that from me did right and I remember yeah because for years He used to pin me down. Oh, wow and tickle me and so You know, I've learned all this bad behavior for you remember that like like pot commercial Where the dad standing over the bed is like, where did you get this? And the kid goes Oh, yeah, that's me and Paulie but with tickling. Yeah, marijuana Maybe the tape thing sparked something in me
Starting point is 00:43:53 Maybe all these little things that I'm speaking more to because I have always found you to be very kind and very jovial Very joyful in my experience with you limited as it may be you've never got super personal but always very pleasant and and comedy in itself has a cynicism and has a negativity and has Especially comedians with comedians. I have found you remove tacked or or or manners or you know, you can get to truths faster because you take you take for granted sometimes for good and sometimes for bad that
Starting point is 00:44:33 We're here. We're here to laugh. We're on the same page There's an unspoken rule that what we're doing is we're getting to the laugh by any means necessary and You know with an audience you have to find the line but with comedians you I at least speaking for myself feel more safe Breaking the liner or pushing it around or crossing, you know, yeah, and it's and it's a very different thing that someone who isn't Existing in comedy would hear some of the things said and be horrified like truly mortified Right, and you have to then like backtrack and go. No, no, no understand this is not who I it's kind of a character And we kind of say it because it's not the appropriate thing to say because that's funny and it's taboo and we're trying to shock each other
Starting point is 00:45:18 Yeah, and it's tricky. It is tricky and sometimes it bleeds over by accident into exactly, right? And you'll say something and they'll be like what right? Oh fuck. Yeah, my bad. Yeah, you know like when I first met Crystallia two meals in he goes bring a toky. So I took out my penis and I did a little show for him, right? Yeah, yeah, like and I on the Kind of talk about this or not. Yeah. Yeah, and I would have put the little sacks on with the hand You know, I mean you sing, you know, it's very talented. Sure. Well focus focus Style It's like a baby or an animal
Starting point is 00:45:58 But you're like kindred to when I met you, you know, just like a child like thing that you that you but then you You do that like, you know, like I'll go to all on the road and some like doorman will pick me up to bring me to Press right and I'll poke him in the belly. You fat fuck. You know, I mean, you know, like, what? Yeah, I'll be like Yeah But hello, good morning, you know, yeah, like all through high school and college like dead baby jokes was a thing Yeah, my friends. All right, and like now I'm a father of two There's no way I can get away with doing a dead baby joke at like their potluck
Starting point is 00:46:34 I've never heard a dead baby. Give me a dead baby joke. Um, what what's what's grosser than gross? What trash canful of dead babies What's grosser than that? What one's alive eating its way to the top? That's dark I got one yeah But then I I'm gonna get in trouble I'll just say it and then you guys you could delete it. Okay, I didn't write it Another comic Love What's the best thing about making love to a 12-year-old girl
Starting point is 00:47:30 Nothing. All right, nothing about boy. I'll just go boy. Okay Daughters, right? What is it I believe if I'm recalling correctly for memory. Yeah, your penis so it looks so big in their little Yeah Because that's the worst that you could do yeah, but imagine doing it like you know, but anyway, um, did you guys read the New Yorker? No, well not that much of a seg because it still has to do with well sort of not pedophilia but Weinstein you hear about read about his army of spies on the New Yorker today So it turns out this guy hired actual like Israeli intelligence to go after the women who were making allegations about him to suppress them
Starting point is 00:48:43 journalists who are about to Journalists who are gonna out him Rose McGowan and a lot of other women he would he he basically had it's a company called Blackcube and It's a great name. It's so cool I love that app. It's pretty good name. Good app. Have you played Blackcube? The new Call of Duty on Blackcube has the best graphics. Yeah That is crazy. That's the world. So he how much so could I as a civilian hire Blackcube? If you had the money I'm sure. Oh boy. Don't do that. Come on
Starting point is 00:49:16 Pick up But you know at the at the end of the day, I don't know if I've said this before and I'm gonna tread lightly I love all of this so much. It's that Harvey Weinstein has a disease He has a mental disease. It's sex addiction. No, it's it's abuse of power is not a mental disease No, it's there's he is a bad guy. I mean he's he's got all that other stuff, too But at the end of the day, it's also a treatable thing that you don't think it's treatable I mean, it's treatable
Starting point is 00:49:52 But you know by way of fire. Yeah by putting the guy away Otherwise he could if he would have done this for the rest of his life Even if he was actively getting treatment My belief is when you're so drunk on that power as he was and he's going through you know going going as far as to hire In like Israeli yeah, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, you're right. You're 100% right. That's beyond there's nothing to defend him about I'm just trying to look at it in a way of if he was my uncle If Harvey was my uncle, what would I have to do Bobby forgot about the uncle rule This has been addressing sex
Starting point is 00:50:31 Yeah, with Bobby Lee and then spacey to spacey, too. It's like yeah I mean the people that are on the set of House of Cards. Yeah are saying yeah, I was telling her in the car I've been on many sets. All right. Mm-hmm not to brag Where's the camera? That's dope No kidding and um, I don't know like I show I try I show up. Uh-huh You know, I I They go go to the dressing room go to makeup. I do it Uh-huh, we need you on set I go do it and I I don't know how you get away with like
Starting point is 00:51:07 Squeezing a guy's dick, you know, like why what what? Yeah, it's a job Right, right, and then they let him do it. They I mean for years people just kind of go. I know. Oh, it's Kevin spacey That's what he does insane Thank goodness. It's coming to light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, I can't imagine but do you think there's big guys like that at Home Depot? Oh, you mean that's a manager at Home Depot and he Everywhere
Starting point is 00:51:37 That guy would get fired right away It's because Kevin spacey is talented and he's a movie star and all that stuff, right? I think people go. I'm afraid Yes, right. I'm afraid that I'll never work again. This is my dream like other actors are like, yeah That's what's fucked up about it. It's like he's taking advantages of people's dreams Mm-hmm, right like a young actor who's 14. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life This is amazing. This guy just fucking grabbed my dick, right? He's a man. He has a lot of power, right? If I say anything I can get it I'm never gonna work again. So they they get surprised. It's fucked up, bro
Starting point is 00:52:13 It is Right and at the end of the day, here's the message of the end of the show. Here's the message. Don't do it Brace could be gay. You could jerk off or to pour away. This is masturbation. That's allowable. Yeah Yeah, just put your dick in the cruise ship. Let it sail away. You really understand the complexity Yeah, I don't like your tone there What are we doing at time an hour? We are close to it. It's amazing Wow, this is what we do at the end term. Yeah, we do this thing called unhelpful advice Okay, and people email us questions. I just wanted to say this too like I've had I
Starting point is 00:52:57 We've had guests, but You're in like echelons up the top. Oh, buddy You stone street Jordan it's that same kind of like I just so glad that you did it. Thanks, man. I appreciate it I need to but ask the question now. Okay, got it on hopeful advice with Bobby Kalila in Terran kill him All right, this question is from sorry. It's from what just happened Second city, bro Derek second city. Oh natural. Is that a filter? Is that just oh, that's just low. That's amazing Do you did you ever watch mr. Show? I can't I'm we're at the end. I know you can do whatever you want
Starting point is 00:53:37 Yeah, mr. Show. What's your show David Cross with the character and it but you don't even need the hand Michael Clark Duncan. That's awesome. That's a great Michael Back to Derek needs Sorry, I have a girlfriend that I've been with for almost five years and I have three kids with her Recently she started doing drugs math and drinking and the next time I seen her She had hickeys all over her neck the side of this made me angry But more than anything I was deeply hurt should I work it out because we have children together Or should I cut her off?
Starting point is 00:54:09 Yep, read it again It's so crazy. You got to read it again. I have a girlfriend Okay, I have a girlfriend that I had been with for almost five years five years and I and have three kids with her They went fast three kids Recently she started doing drugs math math and drinking Fuck that drinking math and the next time I seen her she had hickeys all over her neck Either meth scars or brew that meth bruises or she's fucking other guys the side of this with hickeys Let's go with hickeys the side of this
Starting point is 00:54:46 The side of this made me angry but more than anything I was deeply hurt Should I work it out because we have children together or should I cut off all connection with her? I am lost right now. Help me your fan Now this is called unhelpful advice, right? Is this usually how I do how we do helpful okay, but you can also give unhelp real well Well, I mean the real is you got to contact a lawyer You got to you got to keep track of everything that's happening get a journal get a little moleskin keep track of Let's do a plug for moleskin
Starting point is 00:55:22 They got they got unlined lying storyboard squares And also they have a little like a string where you can keep your place Yeah, it keeps its place right keep your place with a moleskin string Right, it's leather and also. It's like what Edgar Allen Poe used. Wow. All right. I like celebrity endorsement Go ahead. So what well you just got to keep track and you and you have to contact because you need to protect the kids Yes, first and foremost, that's the real right reality if you've been together five you have three none of them are Older than two years to to and change maybe so you're saying you can't work it out
Starting point is 00:55:57 You can't work it out. No, I'm not saying that but I'm saying like order of business is we need to protect these children We need to contact either, you know child services if you need help or or legal representation or family If you have that even if it's extended Bobby will pay to have your children Taken to family member. Yeah, right travel even if they're out of state. Yeah, Bobby will pay I'll pay for taxes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, but but protect the kids first and foremost number one. Yeah, and then Begin the dialogue of is she willing to get help is she willing to you know address the certain issues? But God if there's three kids get them. I mean, I I read an article This is not to be funny, but this meth couple
Starting point is 00:56:41 They had a newborn and they boiled it. Yeah, they boiled a baby alive in their stove. Okay, that's how delusional and crazy I would have had a baby joke. I would have believed that it wasn't meant to be funny without the Funny at all I haven't worked at the punchline yet, but they boil the baby Switches to this bit Yeah, yeah, you gotta listen some things amok some things problematic From your short email, how can we possibly know the specifics and detail and backstory and history of your relationship? But that is not the priority. The priority is not the relationship. It's the children Yeah, exactly and fuck your own feelings if you're hurt. That's not the priority, right? It's the kids. Yes
Starting point is 00:57:30 Yeah, it methods a dangerous drug and we don't know how much she's doing it on whatnot But also at the end of the day, it's like if she has a Drug addiction. Yeah, and she's fucking around behind your back. She's Nick Obviously, just she doesn't sound like she's neglecting the children right unfit mother. You got to get out of the situation You got to protect the kids. Yeah, right Now the funny answer is this right the unhelpful was what? Recipe for boiled baby It's like met pussy is the best pussy. Okay. Yeah, because it lasts for a while. Great. It's dry pussy lasts for a while
Starting point is 00:58:06 I don't know what happens to pussy clearly you don't understand It's just a cavernous thing My thing and I'm gonna defend it what it is is this is that if you okay, I was I have the job that I'm on right Okay, so that I'm all right where you were children. So yeah I'm here, but the make my makeup artist is this gigantic bear of a man. Okay, and he's up. He's a He's here My butthole. Oh My god, I'm so sorry
Starting point is 00:58:45 It's a rough one. Yeah, it's rough here in here. All right. He's an old friend. He's yeah, you know, but um Anyway, he told me that he was sober Mm-hmm, and that he used to do math and then we talked about because I was I done math, right? And as a guy when you do that you jerk off for like 24 hours watching porn But you it's not the fact of jerking off or coming It's a fact that you just want to keep doing to feel yeah That's what I mean about meth pussy is that she might not like it, but she's gonna want to keep doing it You know I mean where's a regular girl? That's not on math. I'm boring once they take a nap
Starting point is 00:59:21 not doing Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all my point was the so bees I'm just not feeling it. Let's focus on you Helpful one you fucking asshole Matthew Matthew pussy is the greatest guys. I'm sorry. I doubted you. Oh, so I just want to say this to you Yeah, you probably not into the UFC But we need to talk about real quick. Yeah. Yeah, dude I'm sure Callan. Do you hang with Callan? Yeah?
Starting point is 00:59:55 My most of my UFC Viewing Experiences are through Brian Brian Callan. Yeah, Brian's one of my brother. Yeah. Yeah, you know you've done fighting on the kid yet Uh-huh. Yeah, me too. It's among my favorites. Yeah recent. You did a lot. Nice. Yeah, there's a nice baby We could go to a nicer place. We want to stay at home lower overhead lower overhead Right, right, right, right, but last Saturday's fights The I honestly three really good one. Yes. Yes, the greatest card they've ever made. I believe and
Starting point is 01:00:28 The biggest upset in the history of UFC in my opinion Yo, you want a young che cheque getting knocked up by Rose Novinunus in the first round Who is what did I do, babe? You were there? You know we both collapse on the ground and stay there crying you ran around for a while A good while who she did you I did I read a circle. I fell on the ground did jumping jack I did jump rejects at one point your brother started like hugging each other and flailing. Yeah, we did that but old move Yeah, the old move. This is a Korean way. Why is it an upset? Our favorite fighter is a woman Okay, so there's a scar. I'll tell you why my friend. Yeah, I'm glad you asked me. Yeah
Starting point is 01:01:07 She was 14 and now undefeated yeah, that's tough and and she was Just true. I mean, I mean, it's like when she won the belt, right? Mm-hmm. It was like an adult fighting a five-year-old kid I mean, that's the difference of her skill level her 14th fight of no No, no, no, no, no, no when so Johanna is 14 and oh, okay, but when she got Fought for the belt. Yeah championship belt. Yeah, she was like seven and oh, okay, okay? And when she fought the champion she destroyed her the path That point where it's like, oh my god
Starting point is 01:01:44 She's levels above everyone right and the screw that she fought last Saturday Rose was seven and four was the record She had lost a bunch. Yeah, she was young. Yeah, and There was a what was it 99 to one chance percent chance that she was a wow Yeah, she was a crazy upset a plus 400 and the and the way they said the only way she could win is to choke her out if she got We're super creative. Yeah. Yeah, is the only way to be one down No, we did that one minute within one minute. Yeah knocked her out Yeah champion out right girl that everyone thought was one of the pound-for-pound best fighters on planet earth Yeah with men including it. Yeah. Yeah, not just man in general
Starting point is 01:02:26 Yeah, she's one of the greatest Wow, and this girl from Denver just walked in there and she fucking took care of business and it was shocking You know, it's like, you know It's insane Ronda Rousey hosted after she lost that fight. Oh wow And it was interesting to hear her talk about it because she said what happened was very early on one of the hits Mm-hmm knocked out her vision. So she had no depth perception. Damn. So it's like sometimes it's just something like that Yeah, she got she got a fist to just the brow and it and it she was just seeing white in this eye And then had no depth perception so she couldn't gauge my gosh is what you know how she told it and and that was why you know
Starting point is 01:03:12 It was it was over so fast for her to wow So it feels like when you're kicking and punching and hitting in the face. Yeah, it's really anybody's game Yeah, but you know what that's exactly Yeah, yeah, because and that proved it Saturday because I was obsessed with you Hanna. I'm fact I I'm still am but I was just like she defended her title seven times Yeah, yeah, and she was This girl did it and it was a saw-shocking and then like GSP coming back after four years pretty good another Canadian We love okay. Yeah, okay, and then um, you know tg dillo shot doing what he did care business
Starting point is 01:03:50 Yeah, it was just a great night of bonding cool, and it was nice It feels very close to the McGregor fight, right? Is it does it feel like a big event close to big you have What's up? There's a little bits a little bit of this guy right here right here is one of those kinds of white dudes, right? I'm sorry ZGW. That's yeah. Yeah, that is just can survive in any situation This motherfucker could be like in the polar ice caps Yeah, I mean yeah, like talking with a scientist and can talk about shell like shelving We want to focus you want to focus on warming your chest, right because your arms will take you can hang out with MS 13
Starting point is 01:04:31 And they're like, oh I mean like man the Dodgers should have had it Come on, come on, I'm still wearing it. You know what? You know what kind of white he is GD. I've said it before What's GW good? Why no a chintler white? Oh boy, yeah, oh shindler. Okay, savior. That's a good dude. Okay. Okay. Thanks man. Back in the day when that happened. Yeah, oh man. You put a couple of them in your trunk and drive across the border, man. You're a good dude, man. Thanks buddy. Give Taren kill him a round of applause everybody. Thank you so much for doing it. Check out. You have anything to plug. His movie. Yeah, I directed a movie And wrote and acted in it with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I saw the trailer. It's on iTunes, right? Yeah, it looks so funny. It really does. It's really fun
Starting point is 01:05:23 It's really dumb and I'm proud. What was huge. Let's just real quick. Sure. Amazing. Amazing. Such a pro You're direct. You directed it. Yeah, grab. So quick. Let me ask you this. Yeah, how did did you? How did you get him? I I had offered it to a different actor and that actor's agent is Arnold's agent, too And the other actors maybe I don't want to I don't want to know who it is. Okay. Yeah I was gonna guess but oh, sorry and he said we gave you Arnold Bruce thought about it for two weeks And they said would you consider Arnold and I was like, yeah, of course Yes, and no only in that like I couldn't have before you said that yeah
Starting point is 01:06:06 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he said they just said he's doing smaller interesting stuff and looking to do a comedy And and so he read the script and we talked about it Wait, what did you eat with him? We faced time together. Oh Oh my god, it was awesome. It was awesome first time always faced time and The first time he was like at Sun Valley. He has like a big Sun Valley home in Idaho and And his one of his assistants picks up first, you know, I mean case they called the wrong number whatever He's like, hey town. I'm gonna hand you over to Arnold and I was like great And then Arnold grabs he's smoking a cigar. Yeah, yeah, yeah sitting in this huge desk like just lean it back
Starting point is 01:06:44 Yeah, and he's in front of a six foot tall oil painting of himself from the He's like That's the before this is the after Oh, wow, I'm best amazing every interaction has just been like wow and then like because what I would be scared of is Yeah, he's such a big star. Yes. Did you give him notes? Yeah, yeah, and he and he was like just tell me what you want. Yeah, let's get it. Let's do wow That's fucking great. He was such a congratulations. That's amazing. What's a movie called killing Gunther killing Gunther check it out guys and Then you just did a movie with Kevin Hart. Yep, and those guys Tiffany Haddish Kevin Hart
Starting point is 01:07:27 Al-Madrigal did us and Rob Riggle. Yeah, that's amazing cast. It's a really what's that called? It's called night school night school next September amazing. Yeah, and you're doing some other shit, too We'll talk about later. Okay. Thank you so much, Jared. I really appreciate it. I love you, and I'm happy to see you Will we be back? Well, yes, we will be right back guys Hello guys, and we are back Taryn Killam is awesome. Yeah So nice I'm surprised we didn't ask about his movie to the very end. I know I was like, uh, I want to hear more about the movie I was like killing Gunther. We should talk about the dog Putin Pete. Good. Yeah. Do you want to sit down and talk with us?
Starting point is 01:08:07 Yeah, um I wanted to expand on the the fights a little bit more as we couldn't it's hard I Mean I have guilt when we talk about UFC when there's somebody who's like, you know, not People do all the time Yeah, the coding till TJ Well, Bobby was happy about that. I was very happy about that. I'll tell you why I guess correctly too because If you look at if you look at the way T.J. Dismantled
Starting point is 01:08:39 Hennan Borough twice. Okay. You have to remember Hennan Borough was pound per pound when the most dangerous men on planet earth people at that time We especially before the first fight. No one thought that they they could beat that he would lose and And he just he picked him apart him in Dwayne Ludwig when Ludwig was first training him and and also it's like You know when he lost the belt to
Starting point is 01:09:07 Dominic Cruz it was people a lot of people thought that he won that fight. Yeah, it was very close They say was close 50-50. That was his only loss in a while, right? And then Dominic went all five rounds with Cody, right? Garber and went to decision. Mm-hmm. And in my head, I'm like Yeah, it's a death five rounds in my head. I'm like, you know what I find I I mean, I love Dominic Cruz San Diego guy, whatever, but I think he is better at angles better at movement. He's got a he's a he looks You know, like when Dominic does it it looks loopy and you know, his body kind of goes in a you know I mean like a but like I think TJ is a little more crisp crisp, right?
Starting point is 01:09:49 I just never I didn't think that he could lose and also I don't give a fuck that he was an alpha male guy and Then he wanted to move on let him move on. He's he's a fucking American citizen could do whatever he wants to he's Uh, I think it could have gone either way and if they were to rematch I still think it can go either way I think those guys are so equally matched and you know, he TJ was hurt in the first round. Yeah, really hurt. I I'm sorry Cody Garbratt is good. He's amazing. He's amazing, right? But in terms of skill, I think they're equally matching. I think she does more tools more tools Because he kick I feel like his comments to kicks. I've never seen a punch or kick once
Starting point is 01:10:27 Yeah, I think they're still pretty evenly matched up and co I don't think Cody is wrong in saying that he feels like he's he's a better fighter. I I I do think that he moves Extremely well and it could go I it's one of those fights that it can go either way You're not wrong in picking or in predicting either fighter to win. Mm-hmm. And then the championship fight Uh, I guess GSP has to fight Robert Whitaker now. I hope he doesn't die. I don't think he should. I Have you seen Robert Whitaker? Not lately. We don't even know who he is. He's new. He's like, bro. He good Yeah, he's in a minute. Stop. Nope. I was keeping the conversation going Bobby. He said why though? Who's Robert Whitaker? Where's he from? Who cares? Why are you trying to test?
Starting point is 01:11:11 Not very well known yet, but he's a he's interim champion. I'm sorry You know what? You're right. You're right. I was keeping the conversation going. All right. I'm sorry I was expounding sorry. All right. Yeah, say what you said again Tell us more about He used to be he used to be a 170. Yeah far Stephen Wonderboy Thompson would then do didn't fair as well there He went up in 185. He's he's amazing and he's our he's one of my favorite fighters and I think he's just so I I look GSP at his peak peak peak younger. I think that would be a pretty fun matchup Very fun, but you know, he's he looked amazing. He looked great and he actually
Starting point is 01:11:53 Exceeded my expectations of him a lot more aggressive in the past But I think what Robert Whitaker is one of those guys where he's in the he's in the octagon and you can see him thinking He be his IQ is so high. What's it? Soza? What's his name? Soza? Yeah, Jacker a Jacker a soja Soja soza whatever his name is Who in itself? Who in itself is a feat, but then he beat what's his name your Romero your your Romero Right, which is like a demigod a demigod. So it's like Because you your Romero was oh my god. This guy's the next champion
Starting point is 01:12:30 Whitaker went through him. I mean Whitaker was broke his foot and he He just is amazing this kid He's a future. He's a future. Right. Yeah, that's the feeling I have when John when I first saw John Jones I feel the same way about Whitaker. Hmm. Yeah But we talked about the Johanna fight so yeah That was honestly and I'm glad that happened I'll tell you why because number one it's gonna make Johanna So much better. Mm-hmm
Starting point is 01:13:04 It's like if you ever watch the Bones Brigade documentary about Tony Hawk Tony Hawk and how He was getting really depressed. He wanted to quit skateboarding at a time at one point when he was young And then Rodney and then Rodney Mullen Tony and Rodney were talking. He's like you seem happier Rodney and Rodney goes Yeah, I just don't compete, you know, I don't do those competitions anymore. I don't I just skate, you know like Tony Hawk as soon as he stopped wanting to take first place at tournaments, he would still do them. Yeah, but it's okay to take fifth
Starting point is 01:13:40 Then the fun and joy came back into skateboarding for him. I Think the same is gonna be with Johanna. It's like, okay. I'm not undefeated. I can lose I'm gonna have fun that pressure of being champion that pressure of being perfect and undefeated is a lot It's a lot to handle for somebody and I think that we're gonna see a Johanna young che cheque. That's gonna be much more gruesome yeah, and beasts like I was just very much annoyed with people who had never who don't know Yoana, this is the first time that they're seeing her They don't know what she's done for the sport and they see because of things like hood clips or you know on Instagram
Starting point is 01:14:22 They see snippets of this girl who is staring down and you know acting You know selling selling the fight basically that's not her character and yeah And then they they're like oh she deserved to lose, you know, she's she like she she didn't have humility So she deserved to get knocked out. It's like these are the people that have never watched a fucking Strawweight fight in their lives. They see it on Instagram now. They have an opinion and she deserved to get knocked out I hate that anyone that does that. I have a message to you boom Put your face in a fucking cows fucking dickhole I'm sure I could have come up with something even better than that that was interesting
Starting point is 01:15:07 But I that's what happened. Okay, this chick has been instrumental for the sport and weight division. There is no Better example of a great champion than you want to you J. If you think that chop your fucking dick off and send it to Mars And I think It's better and rose we've always loved Rose. I've loved her since the ultimate fighter and I am Excited for her. I didn't think that she was going to end it in that fashion But the fact that she did means that she's serious. She's at the top of the game and now it's exciting But it but it's not that it's also what you think about it It's why I watch why I love the sport because you don't know
Starting point is 01:15:51 Yeah, it's unpredictable you watch boxing and you know fucking, you know, Mayweather can do he what he does for 512 rounds of a the rings large He knows that he can you know, but with fucking mixed martial arts There's so many different ways that you can go down, right? that No one will ever stay undefeated forever It's just too many elements against you, you know, that's why I love watching it. So That that fight was literally a life-altering experience for me all those fights were yeah, no, especially Johanna one
Starting point is 01:16:28 I want to really got to me. I was that one made me realize this do anything That anything's possible your heroes are not safe, right? I love you on and I can't wait to see her come back. Thank you Her reaction has been so good to afterwards like this very she's you know what here's She was gracious. She was emotional about her thing But she was like look this is the risk that I take being a fighter and there's no shame in that Rhonda lost to Holly you couldn't see her She didn't do any interviews. She got snuck onto a plane. She snuck out of Australia severely injured to she broke her jaw
Starting point is 01:17:05 Okay, but still straight to the hospital. That's why GSB wasn't at the post-fight conference Okay, but after Amanda Nunez you couldn't see her after that, right? No, but as you see what you hear what you want to said Yeah, because the the the guy was like, why are you here usually when you lose? You're not obligated to come to these post-fights. She's like bullshit She's like, you know what you're gonna get the best and the worst of me on my uptimes You're gonna have me on my down times. You're gonna have me cuz I'm a professional. That's what made me I was like, wow or even more. I love her. I love her. Yeah, and I rose but rose deserve that win
Starting point is 01:17:39 I know but I'm gonna say this. Yeah, I swear to God That rematch if there is one I feel I'm gonna feel bad for Rose. Oh, you think roses that I think that you want it's gonna come back Hey, I think Rose is going Every fight that I've seen her since her each one is exponentially better I think that she's gonna be a freak of nature She's so agile that girl. She's very bright. Yeah, she's evolved and she's finally gotten she's able to Harness all that motion. Yeah, because when she was on the ultimate fighter That was her main thing when she fought like Carlos Carlos bars up championship
Starting point is 01:18:17 She she was a little weak or just not mature minded where little elements outside elements like got to her She's very sensitive, but now she's like no, she's a total boss now. Yeah, she came in her eyes Look so dead. Yeah, you know, she like she said she prepared for everything She knew everything you want was gonna do to try to get into her head and she came prepared for it stone face Yeah, now now the challenge is this because you know when you're when you're a champion you the your media obligations go up Everything else goes up and if she's a sensitive bird You know that can affect her that can't and I think it affects everybody differently. Well, you'll run us back in Poland Yeah, and she deserves a lot of family. She's a girl a little boy. You will never
Starting point is 01:18:57 Dogies, you'll never never listen to this, but we love you so much and we're your fans Oh, you're one of my favorites of all time. Yeah, you're up there with me and but that was a life altering I'm glad I saw it because it changed my life. Yeah, it really did it made me go. Oh my god. I might win an Emmy You can win Emmy Anything can happen You have to think about it. Everybody's got a puncher's chance That's what that's what that fight puncher's chance because when she when I saw it. I felt I didn't know how it ended up on the ground You know, I was on a cement ground
Starting point is 01:19:33 looking up at the stars Just questioning everything Questioning my life questioning life in general my ideas about life It was really amazing is inspiring inspiring. That was fucking amazing. It was the best night of fighting I've ever seen every every card everyone that was there too and everybody who says they don't like you know You wanna being we know how she is during those stardowns You're you're really stupid. You don't know her you this is that's the reason why you watched it That's the reason why it compelled you I think she will and I think you should stay herself
Starting point is 01:20:09 That's also a mental game. You can't like get it like that's part of the whole match Just starting no when she when she fought Carla as far as I she didn't really do that just she did she did the whole thing when she goes like She goes under the case. You know, she was she was a little bit okay before that I mean against the first Claudia against all the she that's not her. She does this thing that she does Yeah, right. I think that she's gonna find a pocket a different personality. That's gonna be still aggressive But a little bit more stoic, you know, I think that's done. I think she's gonna be different Whether it's to sell the fight or the mental game judge people by how they act after the fight Yeah, but she's like she's she's the most gracious loser exactly
Starting point is 01:20:51 Yeah, it was amazing. She's the best. I love her and I love Rose. Good job girls. You were the best fight of the night Yeah, for sure. Oh my god. That was amazing. Anyway, hey shows for Bobby. Clilo. Yes this weekend Bobby will be at American Comedy Company in San Diego By your tickets now Oh, he's yelling he's stealing it the dog. Oh, okay. No, he's cat. No, he's doing He's practicing his lines. Yeah November 30th to December 2nd yuck yucks in Vancouver, Canada BC BC, right?
Starting point is 01:21:31 I always get confused my with my abes and bc's and But it's BC BC. Come on Clila. Those are the shots, right? Yes, and then the week two weeks after that Levy live in Oxnard, California You can go to Bobby Lee live comm for more dates. Cool George shout outs. Oh, I got a shout out Gilbert like this one to Cala dendi 369 on reddit fuck face. He found Gilbert's a great silent acting skills, so You can go to the reddit to see or you cannot See I post it. Can we post it? Oh, yeah, it's right I look my mom even called me like I would say like three years ago
Starting point is 01:22:10 She's like before you move to LA make sure you call that your friend who posted those videos I was like, no, I know I was gonna see that stuff like but I would email him when he won't take them off the internet Okay, you two hasn't forever in case you don't know it's a Gilbert playing a mime for three and a half minutes, so It's an acting gem guys. You have to learn how to act at that under under reddit Look for future Oscar winner. That's the title. It's also a fat bird, so God, I got a we got a post it on our get off. Yeah Quick shout out to Chris and Dave from congratulations. Just met them super nice guys shout out again to a reddit user fungus foot for a He wanted to correct Bobby's
Starting point is 01:22:53 Take that Jerry Lee Lewis did not get in trouble actually Jerry Lee Lewis Did get in trouble for marrying his cousin he did yeah Oh, dude, Jerry Lee Lewis was married his third marriage at 22 was his 13 year old cousin. Oh If you just look this guy has an interesting life just by marriages third marriage That was the second longest marriage I think from of all of them And Yeah, it kind of tanked his career For a while, but he's still like he still had a career. Yeah, but it did went down from like what he could book right right?
Starting point is 01:23:31 He had to return from tour and everything else There are a lot of good discussions about Tiger belly prom. I think we're getting good feedback that we How would we do that? What would we do? What would it involve? It would involve the same thing as We do the live shows which is like a lottery system. I mean probably not it's so much a lottery We would probably have to like pick and choose, you know, have people submit something But we have to how do you get the awkward like asking somebody to the prom that has to be part of it? And do you have to ask another Tiger belly listener?
Starting point is 01:24:05 Do you have to ask someone outside because imagine someone who doesn't know anything about the podcast show up to an adult prom? It's just weird. I mean, but prom king and queen are Bobby and I so no one can win that. Okay. Whoa, you cannot vote Oh, let's do it run her up. You could be the prom prince and then you can be I Just wanted like Steve Harrington. Oh wait, hold on. We should we should have a prom court though We should really be a prom court, but if no one knows each other, how's everyone gonna vote based on we'll do like interviews for the top? for the dance off
Starting point is 01:24:41 Yeah, but your peers are supposed to vote you into into king, you know Anyway, how would we do it? We would get like a hall, right? You'd rent out a hall the Ritz Carlton. Yeah, and we would have a red carpet with like a little area We can take pictures and stuff and it would just be our own, you know little party It would be for sure weird. It's cool. Let's just sell real tickets. Let's essentially make this a Tiger belly prom theme Let's get like a legit famous DJ like Steve. Oh, yo, key. Oh, I'll try to do how Bobby does it was Steve. Oh, okay Oh, okay, okay. Oh, okay
Starting point is 01:25:14 um Yeah, we can throw around some ideas, but let us know you guys think George desperately needs his prom you guys remember in high school He only had a banquet. Oh, yeah, hoppa. Yeah, hoppa Message me Like she'd had the same experience as me La Sierra the same banquets that was Okay, anything else George I see your notes from here. It's very large. It's a lot. Nah, no reverse shout out today We'll just skip that request. What was the right shot out bitch cuz clouds shut you down earlier
Starting point is 01:25:48 Oh, which reverse shout out. I had a couple Dorothy for going around the your party telling everyone that she saw me at the mall Oh, yeah, you were at the oh, it's like the first time I've been to a mall in a year But why is that a bad thing if Dorothy saw you well? Why did she with she seemed like it was a bad thing and lay everybody was laughing that I was at the ball No, I had because I just imagine you and all white at a mall. It's creepy. That's a little weird. I know baby You brought them home from right aid I want to do a shout out to Dorothy because she got me some so and panties from the Philippines Oh, those are from her. Oh, yeah, and if you don't know what so and panties are they're basically
Starting point is 01:26:26 You know and in the Philippines or anywhere here. I think they have the Avon lady or like the Tupperware lady who like sells You know products in your home, they had a so-and-lady which she basically comes with boxes of underwear and you choose which panty You're going to buy but the designs are very old-school. It's like full-on granny underwear That's the most comfortable thing ever and she got me a whole box and then reverse shout out to Jessica for stealing out of that box What she saw them. She's like, oh hell no and she just took them. She's like, I'm taking a few because they're so amazing So Dorothy, you're the best. Oh reverse shout out to my to my appetite I Decide I was eating so healthy and then I took a small bowl and I just filled the whole thing with potato salad
Starting point is 01:27:11 I went to a room by myself and ate it wait at our party your party, but that's sweet potato salad It's it's just I shouldn't have ate a bowl of it But the sweet potato salad that my sister makes is very healthy Then I had a bunch of chips whatever yeah, what else I took the whole layer I had a reminder zipper crude.com slash belly for all your hiring needs Oh, I'd want live final thing. I'm not no more stickers Some people who are like just starting at the beginning of the episodes are still messaging me for sticker
Starting point is 01:27:45 We're gonna stickers. We're gonna be selling them with the next batch of merch coming out soon Also a new batch of merch very very soon So keep that in mind when you think of holiday shopping for your loved ones and by very very soon Disclaimer that can be from two days from now or three months Definitely before Christmas very very soon before black Friday Yeah Relax What the hell
Starting point is 01:28:12 It better be ready before black Friday Well My word is my life. I don't promise anything until I know the date I get the date back at the factory from the factory. Oh, that's right. I collide Okay, never mind We're getting more special things. There's a longer turnaround for some of these things I'm sorry. Yeah, I want to just accept you guys You know, I just say whoo. Okay, we're all for okay. All right guys. That was a weird ending
Starting point is 01:28:36 Bye Five four three two one Blast off Let's be going through What is that? Wormhole Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah I'm through
Starting point is 01:29:22 Bobby No, that's enough Enough You fucking flat face fuck Thank you so much Sorry my bad You fucking filipino Filipino?
Starting point is 01:29:32 Everybody welcome to the tagging barely podcast and I'm so excited today because um We have a guest but I want to introduce the people in the room before we introduce the guest we have um I'm so sorry for saving saying that which one calling you flat fat face. That was rude up front Oh, that's okay. I can open that way. It's accurate. You're a human Thank you. You don't look it but you are I'm pretty sure Okay, we got um Kalilah my girlfriend. Yeah Yeah baby ka ka ka all day every day Hollywood nights 2017
Starting point is 01:30:04 Shit We got Georgetown U.S. A.S. A.K.A. She's fucking carve your skin and make lamp shits Oh, okay We got right here we got skin skin and then when I oh Skin skin skin Skin skin right here with this nose With this nose poking my fucking brain right now I'm out of my mind and shit Yo dude
Starting point is 01:30:26 What do you mean? His nose poking my shit from behind Bro stop poking his shit Kinetically in shit bro And we got dude um we got Terran kill him Give him a round of applause everybody Aw Thanks everybody I just met
Starting point is 01:30:40 That's so nice. Thank you Oh my god You know when Ali Madrigal goes would you have Terran kill him on your podcast? I didn't think we could even get you Come on But could we know each other Yeah, I consider you a bud Do you not is that not
Starting point is 01:30:59 It's not even a bud though You know what I consider you Yeah Like you and I went to Nom together Sure Yeah Like you know like when you don't see somebody from Nom for a while Uh huh
Starting point is 01:31:09 Right Well I mean I've seen Miss Saigon so I think I did it Yeah yeah Yeah I mean I know you do have never been to Nom in a war situation Not nice I have a lot of Canadian friends who vacation there now Oh yeah yeah yeah they love it That's what it's become
Starting point is 01:31:23 Are you Canadian? Because Oh god That's good Oh no They're great Oh no For you and I
Starting point is 01:31:32 People don't know this And if you do you don't but let me tell you Unlearn what you have learned And unlearn okay is that When I my first show with some people a lot of people know Was Mad TV and I tested To get on the show with Terran It was just you and I right
Starting point is 01:31:52 Yeah just us Which one would we want gook or regular white You know whatever Right Yeah yeah I'm sure that's not what they say said in the room How old were you? 19
Starting point is 01:32:02 Damn Wow and how old were you? 30 Whoa Why does that get the bigger reaction? Which is you know a white 19 A white 19 Yeah
Starting point is 01:32:13 Yeah yeah In Asian years Same age same age No we hung out because we met They brought us in for rehearsals too and we met there We went to Hollywood Center studios and did that whole Like studio session thing So it was either you or him then
Starting point is 01:32:27 No No Oh it was not like a We tested we auditioned rehearsed and then tested together We played video games afterwards That's right at the lot It fawks at the time they had like two or three Like upright video you know
Starting point is 01:32:41 Yeah We want to be at watch games Yeah And we just played in the lobby after testing I know And then Sonic Cole in the parking lot I feel like she was like you guys both did great Don't worry about it
Starting point is 01:32:53 Oh my god And then I got called that day I did too Yeah But I didn't see you again until Virgin Megastore Do you remember that? No I ran into you but like a week maybe two later
Starting point is 01:33:04 At Virgin Megastore at Crescent Heights and Sunset And I didn't know if you got it And I was like hey Oh really? Yeah Oh you didn't even Alright you didn't know And I was like hey
Starting point is 01:33:16 I got it Yeah yeah yeah me too Oh wow And I was like oh And then the first thing you said is Have you used it to get laid yet? And I said no No
Starting point is 01:33:25 Well yeah I think I probably my voice cracked This is before No Have you? And you're like yeah yeah yeah Three times Oh really yeah
Starting point is 01:33:33 Yeah That's it Oh my god Some people do impressions Yeah yeah yeah Exactly Yeah yeah yeah Oh my god
Starting point is 01:33:43 I hate it I hate it Perfect It's so perfect this guy Wow Yeah wow Oh my god you almost fucking Killed me just now
Starting point is 01:33:51 But bro Don't ever do that again Can I No You're so good And then so There was no internet back then No
Starting point is 01:33:59 You couldn't Research You couldn't google like Karen Killon News Yeah Yeah And the first thing I read
Starting point is 01:34:07 Was TV Guide They like announced it in TV Guide And it was like Wait like a hard copy A hard copy Yeah exactly Like a three quarters rectangle Did they have internet?
Starting point is 01:34:17 I don't remember They did But it was like Yeah exactly Was dial up Yeah yeah yeah Yeah well And oh
Starting point is 01:34:26 That's something came out of there And then You were skating Amanda Bynes at the time That is true Yeah But this is You don't talk to her anymore
Starting point is 01:34:34 I know No We were Dating A little over two years And then she wisely Broke up with me Wow
Starting point is 01:34:42 Because we were very young That destroyed you I was very sad Very sad Really? Yeah Yeah Oh my god
Starting point is 01:34:50 Very very sad Because I remember Because she would show up to her Like She came and would hang out And hang out and stopped And I'd be like Oh she's so
Starting point is 01:34:58 In fact Every time I would run into her After that Yeah She was so sweet She's just the nicest Nicest Loveliest
Starting point is 01:35:06 Charming Funny And imagine them At that age Power couple Her show Yeah It was sort of my first job
Starting point is 01:35:14 Out of high school Wow I remember I was so good Yeah So good bro It was fun Thanks man
Starting point is 01:35:22 It's a testament I'm standing here Yeah Look at this is getting Serious Serious It's a testament to your talent That you're able to go from
Starting point is 01:35:30 Nickelodeon And also do two sketch shows That only two really That was on at the time really You know It really is a It's amazing Thanks buddy
Starting point is 01:35:40 How do you feel about that It's nice Good Accomplished Alright you go I'm the shit or no No I would never do
Starting point is 01:35:48 I would I look and I go Sit down I'm gonna sit again Okay I said the wrong answer You gave the wrong answer You gave the wrong answer
Starting point is 01:35:56 I wasn't happy with that Yeah I'm the shit bro I'm the shit No I go That's That's pretty cool That's impressive
Starting point is 01:36:04 Yeah So we did a year And it was It wasn't But we did like Like 13 Right Because we get hired for four
Starting point is 01:36:12 And then A little bit later than us That's what I said Fiori Fiori That's right And it was like in the first The first 13 episodes
Starting point is 01:36:21 We would overlap So you and I only did like Two episodes together Yeah And then you'd do it too With Catherine And then you'd do two by yourself It was so weird
Starting point is 01:36:29 Yeah it was so weird And also it was Like almost Like they weren't You know You think that you were You're inviting to this family And then you know
Starting point is 01:36:39 Because there's guys that have been On the show for a very long time And it doesn't feel warm Sure You know Like some people are like No Yeah
Starting point is 01:36:49 Like hi You go good morning They go no Yeah No thank you Then you go Okay For sure
Starting point is 01:36:57 And then some people Aka Will Sasso The best Is the best Here's a guy Who is warm Canadian Canadian
Starting point is 01:37:06 And in You know My opinion I'm sure I'm biased now Liking him The funniest too Oh yeah 100%
Starting point is 01:37:14 Yeah One of the funniest Yeah In fact When I was there Like a month in He was like Just come to my house
Starting point is 01:37:22 There's a barbecue And like that kind of thing Without that Gesture Yeah I might have not survived Totally Yeah
Starting point is 01:37:30 There was Like I can count on one hand The people who went out of their way Mike Hitchcock was one for me Oh he's the best The best He really looked out for me Yeah
Starting point is 01:37:38 But I saw the show after Yeah This was very kind of me One of the best Jennifer Joyce Yeah Scott King One of the best
Starting point is 01:37:46 There we go Everyone's the best You're saying the best right now I did the best Yeah I mean All those guys Even like
Starting point is 01:37:54 Lauren Dombrowski was my Yeah Yeah Same Same I loved Lauren Me too But
Starting point is 01:38:02 So then you did 13 And then that was it I did 13 And they asked me back But wanted to Ask me back for 17 Of 22 To be the full 22 or whatever
Starting point is 01:38:11 And my reps at the time were like You don't need it Forget them That's insulting And I listened to them Was that regrettable Or no Probably not
Starting point is 01:38:21 At the time it was tough Yeah Because even 17 Is like a serious salary For a 20 year old Yeah I'd left college to do the show And couldn't really get back in
Starting point is 01:38:32 So like my parents were a little bit like What the fuck Why are you saying no to work Yeah Long term It worked out good Amazing Yeah
Starting point is 01:38:41 Because when you left Then they brought Ike and Josh Meyers Right And that's where my pain started Because these two kids Like if you don't know Josh is Seth Meyers' younger brother
Starting point is 01:38:55 Ike Bernholz is on the Mindy project And On everything And on everything right now And they were They worked together They were a duo They auditioned together
Starting point is 01:39:04 Right You're so smart You know everything I just know the facts About that stuff Yeah About sketch About the two sketches
Starting point is 01:39:13 I paid attention And they And the writers Knew them too Right Sure And I was a stand up And I didn't know how to do it
Starting point is 01:39:25 Yet I still might not know how I still might not I could even You know how they say That old term Fake it to you make it I couldn't do that
Starting point is 01:39:34 Well I mean like We attempted a couple of times I remember us trying to like Write a snowboard sketch together Please tell me how that works Like snowboard Yeah Well also because we didn't have
Starting point is 01:39:43 Real dressing rooms We were in a trailer Outside of the building That's right We were in like Is that where the new kids? Yeah 100%
Starting point is 01:39:51 Yeah 100% Everybody else had like And again Sasso It was the year that the Tenacious D album Came out So I would go into his
Starting point is 01:39:59 Dressing room And he'd play the songs And we'd sing him again Oh wow Yeah he's the best Yes That was That was the year where
Starting point is 01:40:08 I remember my first sketch was I played Jackie Chan Of course And Debra Wilson played Chris Tucker Right Okay And Will Sasso was Lance Bass And we were on his talk show
Starting point is 01:40:20 Sounds like Matt TV This is back in the day We were like Matt TV sketch We can't just throw him in the fucking bowl You know what I mean Mix it Let's see what happens And I remember like
Starting point is 01:40:28 He's on the cover of people right now It's a sketch Oh really? I feel like those people would probably be I would be amazing They should do that movie or whatever They should So they had me on
Starting point is 01:40:40 They had me in early I was the earliest guy for the call sheet But I was the last sketch This is back You know they had to put the prosthetic nose Yes This is back in the day when you're new Otherwise you wouldn't have looked like
Starting point is 01:40:50 Jackie Chan Was that a racial dig there, Tertar? No, no Listen I was just saying I had a killer Chan And that was overlooked But they had me in early But then I was the last sketch
Starting point is 01:41:06 Like if I had to do it now I'm last I'm gonna come in last Right But they could just like Put me in at five in the morning Totally Had me sit there all day
Starting point is 01:41:15 You know what I mean But anyway You get the print out The email So obviously there's internet The night before Of the list And you'd
Starting point is 01:41:24 Like I would go through And like Which part am I gonna read And the stress of The table read The table Those are the Yeah
Starting point is 01:41:32 Were they the worst They were tricky They were tricky In what way Because you didn't get them emailed They would drop it off at your house That's right By mail
Starting point is 01:41:41 No Somebody would literally Drive on your house Yes And the packets were like This big Huge Yeah
Starting point is 01:41:49 They would read like 45 sketches And they would pick six And you sit at like A last supper table With all the cast Right So you're all like
Starting point is 01:41:57 Side by side The actor Relate And it's just all the producers And writers Across from you And the network Across from you
Starting point is 01:42:05 Now do people get fired At these table reads Like if you're doing So terribly Not in my time They're not in my experience Well I mean Not on our show
Starting point is 01:42:14 But you've heard of it For pilots For pilots Frequently Yeah Frequently But here's the problem Alright so
Starting point is 01:42:22 There's 43 Three sketches That you get But you might be in Four Yeah Right And if they're only going to pick
Starting point is 01:42:30 Six Out of 43 That would mean Nothing And I remember That's what was hard for me Is I would go through the thing Your name's not there
Starting point is 01:42:39 And I would be Japanese businessman number one I have no line You know what I mean Oh I'm a fucking tree I'm a tree Not me I'm not like
Starting point is 01:42:47 A fucking tree Yeah And there was It had nothing to do With the sketch It was just like You don't know what else To do with them
Starting point is 01:42:55 Right You know And I remember I just didn't know how to do it And I remember Like Even just stuttering Were
Starting point is 01:43:04 You know what they did to me Taren When you left Taren This is what they did to me When you left Yeah What else can you hear
Starting point is 01:43:14 They made There was a tape Passed around To all the riders Of all my flub lines Oh And I was like A joke real
Starting point is 01:43:23 Kind of a thing And they were passing around Every year It was like Not You know It was like One of those things
Starting point is 01:43:31 Like You know how you Like Read Watch YouTube videos Of like A lady Slipping on grapes
Starting point is 01:43:39 And breaking her back It's my favorite The classic The classic Grape slap That one Yeah That one
Starting point is 01:43:47 Yeah Yeah But that was Like me And Then I saw The tape Right
Starting point is 01:43:55 No Oh, that's every scene you do Right God And I was just like You guys made that It's a cruel thing Did you ever find out who the source was
Starting point is 01:44:04 It's tricky because there's also such Power And I found this true at SNL as well That the riders have this weird power Where they are determining The material for the most parts And with
Starting point is 01:44:18 No Vocal risk Right Like No Perceptible risk Yeah Because you know
Starting point is 01:44:26 40 sketches And you can barely remember But if you're the one Who has to read it in front of All of your peers Yeah It's a real unfair pressure And I'm sure like
Starting point is 01:44:35 That was put together Sort of like You know Ha ha ha Comedy people Rising and rose But without the empathy Of like
Starting point is 01:44:43 What you have to go to Every week Yeah Putting yourself out Asking everybody on the show Out to the dance Basically every week Yeah
Starting point is 01:44:51 Yeah Which show on SNL worse? Um Well I knew what I was doing at SNL After Matt TV All the people Most of the people who were nice Came from groundlings
Starting point is 01:45:01 So I started taking classes there After I left Matt TV And I started Taking classes at groundlings Yeah So I felt more prepared And I did feel Matt TV in some way
Starting point is 01:45:11 Prepared me For an environment For a harsh environment And for critical And for Disposable Creative effort Yeah
Starting point is 01:45:22 Um But then you also Feel the status of it And that's a different kind of pressure too Of the institution that it is And what it means To be there I mean just alone
Starting point is 01:45:33 The guest stars on it I mean that must be just Sure I mean you're getting The cream Of the pop Yeah I was more excited
Starting point is 01:45:42 And giddy Probably mostly because of my youth But also Because the year I was there Blink 182 Hosted And I was there
Starting point is 01:45:51 Amazing At that point Tenacious D And Jack Black Were there Lost my damn mind Couldn't believe it Um
Starting point is 01:45:59 So like I was more of a narrative About that Because it was also My first experience with that Yeah And you learn pretty quickly At SNL
Starting point is 01:46:07 To kind of Get over the The fame Element of Right Yeah It's only going to serve you To treat them
Starting point is 01:46:15 Like a Right Yeah I mean It was Certainly intimidating Yeah Absolutely intimidating
Starting point is 01:46:23 Um And overall Over my whole time It's weird Because I saw both Very good And very kind And very
Starting point is 01:46:32 Uh Complimentary and supportive And human Moments Yeah And then Opposite Very dismissive
Starting point is 01:46:40 Very cold Very Um What felt like You know Passive Punishment type Moments as well
Starting point is 01:46:48 Like I mean Dick Blocucci is not Even the same element Right Dick Blocucci was our Producer But they got to the point
Starting point is 01:46:56 Where I could call him Sure And go What's up You know what I mean Yeah Is that You can't do that with him
Starting point is 01:47:04 I got e-mail Like that's the closest they got I got e-mail But certainly Like David Salzman's Much more accessible Yeah
Starting point is 01:47:12 Rita Rita Yeah You can approach them And come to their house Yeah I might not end the sketch I've been four
Starting point is 01:47:20 Yeah I've been four Yeah So yeah Because everyone I've talked to You know If you read Live from New York
Starting point is 01:47:28 And just some of these It's just I wouldn't I honestly When I found out you were on the show I'm like good for you Him He's so talented
Starting point is 01:47:36 But I just know For me I just wouldn't be able to do it It's tough It's tough Yeah You are a sensitive little bird
Starting point is 01:47:45 Yeah Yeah I'm a Paranoid I'm still paranoid Yeah Still paranoid Oh yeah
Starting point is 01:47:53 Then it would It would destroy Yeah I already I know I mean I could destroy it now In the simplest things
Starting point is 01:48:01 You know what I mean Like Video Village I can't I hate it Yeah You do a tech And you're like your
Starting point is 01:48:09 Profiles on Video Village And then you just imagine What they're saying about you I just Can't fucking do it Right See All those little things
Starting point is 01:48:17 You're doing right now You're a little like Crafty fucking throwing up Fucking Director tactics It's great No you're right Cash the check
Starting point is 01:48:25 Yeah but I know Cash the check Alright Taren Let me just say something to you Great Did you learn that Yeah Certainly
Starting point is 01:48:33 Over time I In that What are you going to benefit from Being paranoid Or Are you going to catch him Like is that
Starting point is 01:48:42 Is that the ideal of that Is your paranoia Going to lead you To catching them And then you're not made a fool They're the fool Because they're caught red handed And you were
Starting point is 01:48:51 You have the upper hand For being so Insightful and observant Observant Is that That's the best scenario right That's exhausting And who cares
Starting point is 01:48:59 That's true Whoa This is exactly what I needed Right now Holy fuck But let me ask you this though Because their shit Isn't your shit
Starting point is 01:49:07 Right People who make a tape About you And put it around and laugh And it makes you feel bad That's on them That's not a judgment That's not a reflection
Starting point is 01:49:15 Of who you are As a performer As a human being But now Okay because I brought the tape up Though right You could understand though When you experience
Starting point is 01:49:23 Something like that Yes Right You think in your head You get PTSD from it Sure I believe it So then I carry that
Starting point is 01:49:32 Into every job Now I don't I don't behave In an erratic way They don't think Oh my god Bobby's paranoid I keep it to myself
Starting point is 01:49:40 I come home And she gets it I mean it's like They hate me You know what I mean But even after last week's Rap party It was like
Starting point is 01:49:48 He was there for an hour And he came back Just sobbing No one likes me Yeah It's I know It's part of
Starting point is 01:49:56 I think You have Not you The royal you Either have a tendency Towards that Or don't You know
Starting point is 01:50:04 Your chemical makeup But I definitely If you're nice And you're A good person And your intention Is good Fuck everybody else
Starting point is 01:50:12 Right Yeah And you You may have made A good point beforehand It's like If they're saying We're moving on
Starting point is 01:50:21 Yeah You know It's basically them saying We got what we needed Yes You've done your job You did your job Thank you
Starting point is 01:50:29 And we're leaving I just want them to Suck my dick every once in a while But they're not going to do that I hear you Yeah And that's not the job Not in the current
Starting point is 01:50:37 It's crazy out there Figuratively Yeah In fact Especially on a scripted show Where your character is locked You're hired For a weekly episodic
Starting point is 01:50:47 Yeah If they only need two takes And they say great Moving on You did your job Wow Right Yeah
Starting point is 01:50:55 It's their job to Say to you We need something different And if they don't do that Then either They're bad at their job Or they have what they want And that's on them
Starting point is 01:51:03 That's not on you Wow I needed him fucking I needed him fucking Two months ago baby Oh my god Oh dear That was not a wet man
Starting point is 01:51:12 That was wet That was wet It was a shallow wipe day I'm at my age now I really believe I'm breaking down 46 Yeah
Starting point is 01:51:24 No I mean I'm almost 50 now That's not That's fine What? That's fine I understand by that But I don't live well
Starting point is 01:51:33 Okay Well yeah That's an issue With the doughnuts Right and These snacks We got a jug of That's toffee
Starting point is 01:51:41 Okay we have toffee, brittle I hate that shit by the way Put the dried mangoes Chalk full of sugar Is it? That's all sugar Okay that's fine All right
Starting point is 01:51:49 Lacroix Right Lacroix A cucumber Lacroix Yeah Have you ever? Let me ask you something about Lacroix Are there sponsors?
Starting point is 01:51:58 No What? Lacroix All of a sudden This is the thing For sure It is It is the zero calorie
Starting point is 01:52:06 It's the flavoring But it's still not necessarily great for you Because of the carbonation Right for your teeth In particular What does that do? What does it do with your carbonation? But now
Starting point is 01:52:15 Here's a new paranoia Now what does fucking carbonation do to your teeth? It erodes the enamel Oh my god Yeah if you If you are constantly doing it If you There's videos online
Starting point is 01:52:26 You can see if you leave a tooth In soap overnight Oh my god Well Bobby doesn't have enamel You want to tell him? Oh dear He has four enamels Total
Starting point is 01:52:34 Four of these left Four of these left Actually have maintained And the rest are just raw nerves Just exposed nerves Just like whale teeth Okay Soft gum
Starting point is 01:52:47 Okay How do you see how whale teeth look like? It's bailing It's like little straw There are just certain things I've learned over time You can chew meat with gums You can It takes a while
Starting point is 01:53:00 And it hurts But you digest it better too Maybe Yeah But you know back in the day When you would see like homeless people with no teeth Where I'm trying to help you How do they eat?
Starting point is 01:53:09 Gums Gums You know Yeah As you look at my I look fine right You're great Like my teeth right
Starting point is 01:53:17 You look the same as when we met And I look different No you look exactly the same You look more of a man Yeah You're a boyish back then I was very young Yeah
Starting point is 01:53:26 But all the teeth that you see are the ones that exist Don't look sorry Don't look at your straw Alright The back There is no back Okay Yeah there is no back
Starting point is 01:53:37 Okay Because I don't floss Yeah Yeah I brush But once a day Okay And I didn't go to dentist for like 15 years Right
Starting point is 01:53:46 But you go now Yes So do you have super teeth in the back? No nothing You haven't done that yet Gums Just gums Just raw gums
Starting point is 01:53:54 I wonder if they can put just one giant molar Yeah that's cool Instead of putting multiple molars Sort of like a Bond villain tooth Yeah Just a long one They just call him chopper And he's got like two giant metal things
Starting point is 01:54:05 They're like stimpy Stimpy from it and stimpy Like a gigantic block of tooth Yeah Back there Alright Yeah That's a great idea
Starting point is 01:54:14 Yeah Would I have to suggest it to them? Or do they already have it? They do that sometimes When they don't put the proper tooth in the right place When they implant the teeth Because they don't want to create gaps Where things can get in between
Starting point is 01:54:26 Sure So the cosmetic dentist will usually say Hey we'll put a bigger one here Just so there aren't any gaps between your teeth Whoa So you can tell them instead of making a molar Make a giant molar That's dope
Starting point is 01:54:37 Whoa Or like have like just one long curved like mouth Mouth Mouth Just a mouth guard tooth Yeah Exactly like a mouth guard Yeah
Starting point is 01:54:47 Just one giant one Yeah Like the grills Like mask teeth Like Jim Carrey's the mask Yeah yeah yeah That's what I want That's what I want
Starting point is 01:54:55 But do they Is that the type where they shave down the tooth When they put it on top of it And they drill it in And they have to like drill Or do they drill it Those are veneers When they shave it down to like a stub
Starting point is 01:55:05 Why don't they just do veneers All the way to the back But your front teeth are fine Those are actually Those have to be implanted No What you did You shaved down the front teeth
Starting point is 01:55:13 Right Then you put the veneers on top But make the whole thing Oh but you add a connection Extend it Extend it Extend the teeth We can ask
Starting point is 01:55:21 Let's ask that I can truly inquire for you Let's contact a dentist Let's ask that You have two kids now I have two children I can't fucking believe I know
Starting point is 01:55:30 What are their names Shaylin and Joelle Ooh Joelle's a boy They're both female Girl Joelle is a girl's name Joelle
Starting point is 01:55:38 Joel Joelle Jolyne, that song Jolyne Jolyne, Jolyne, Jolyne Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah Are they twins? No
Starting point is 01:55:47 Eight and three years old You have a fucking eight-year-old? Yeah bro Yeah bro Wait, wait, so When I am your age She will have spent a year at college Oh my fucking god
Starting point is 01:56:00 This is blowing my fucking mind Out of the water right now I know, I know Yeah You should have done that, huh? Get it out of the way We're a little behind on the game But that's okay
Starting point is 01:56:08 We aborted too Literally cling the game Every time He loves it No, we're never going to announce that again We're not going to announce it again But my point is that So before you got SNL
Starting point is 01:56:22 You had your first daughter Correct So how did that So you were living in LA? Yeah And then My wife was on a TV show here How I made my living
Starting point is 01:56:32 So, yes, exactly And so for the first four seasons I was flying back and forth between Every hiatus week I'd come back to LA Oh my fucking god For four years, yeah There's a ton
Starting point is 01:56:44 Wow Yeah And so you come back for a week Correct So you would shoot three weeks And then, or how does that work? It mixed it up Yeah, like three on one off
Starting point is 01:56:53 Two on two off It's all choppy off Right, right, right And then you come back Yeah And then spend a week Correct And then you have to go back
Starting point is 01:57:02 The worst Yeah The worst And did they pay I don't know how much you made But like in the beginning I will tell you this You can say it if you want
Starting point is 01:57:10 I made, starting on SNL Yeah $3,000 less a week Than we initially got paid on Matt TV Ten years earlier And I know that number Really Yeah, that's insane
Starting point is 01:57:22 But anyway, huh? Yeah See, do they put you up? They give you a relocation fee So like a one time And if you have kids It's a little bit bigger Damn
Starting point is 01:57:32 Oh, wow, that's insane Yeah And they can do that They do it, yeah You say people go to the comedy store And they go Wow, look at this lineup Right
Starting point is 01:57:41 How much are you getting paid? $15 Right And people can't believe it Why do you do it? It's just you have to do it To compete Yeah
Starting point is 01:57:51 Because you do And you go This is going to be beneficial to my life Because in the long run You're going to make so much more I mean, that's just the beginning Right And it did so much for you
Starting point is 01:58:02 The opportunities that have come Right, it changed your life Yeah, yeah, yeah I mean, you became like the guy My job Yeah, the funny white dude on SNL Yeah And it gets so funny
Starting point is 01:58:14 Because, you know You and I Yeah Let's whisper You and I haven't You know, run into each other But then you got on that And then I was just like
Starting point is 01:58:22 Maybe he'll forget about me No You think that in your head Like, oh, they're in a different club You remember when we were to that CAA party I'm like This is the clubhouse Yeah
Starting point is 01:58:32 Got it Like, now I'm starting getting invited To the club again Okay Because I was out for years So I was holding her hand And we were walking And the music was playing
Starting point is 01:58:42 And you get the little foods You know what I mean And you go, whoa I got to invite her back into the club Right And so you think that when people go to the clubhouse They forget, but they don't Yeah, no
Starting point is 01:58:52 Not Taryn Why are you not looking at me, babe? You're just a difficult face To forget altogether Just your shape Your overall shape It was a very It was an intimate experience, I think
Starting point is 01:59:02 Us getting hired on that show together And I would go And see you perform at the comedy store And I'd never done that And watching you do your thing And then hanging out in the parking lot After work, you know Yeah
Starting point is 01:59:14 It was so many firsts So intense, so exciting Yeah You know when we I'm not going to name the name But you and I were at the testing for the show Yeah We had the studio at Hollywood Center Studios
Starting point is 01:59:27 And there was an actress there Who, when we left I go, are you going to test? She goes, nah I'm asking for 10 grand That's what she said At the time it was about $6,500 Yeah
Starting point is 01:59:42 Or $5,500 I think $7,500 is what I remember That's what you got Okay This has been Tiger Belly I got $6,500 Right And she goes, I need 10 grand
Starting point is 01:59:56 Right And she never tested She asked for the money and they said no Right 12 years later I met a restaurant And she was my waitress And the first thing that she said to me
Starting point is 02:00:09 Not even high Was I shouldn't have taken it I should have taken it Wow Damn So it made me want to cry Sure
Starting point is 02:00:18 Because it's like One ego decision Like that You know, he didn't go back to Matt I think we were all fine He's a young guy He's talented He had already done stuff before that
Starting point is 02:00:34 But with her It was the first thing I just don't think you can make those kind of decisions Especially now Now it's so difficult You think so? There's so much more to do now Yeah, but you don't
Starting point is 02:00:47 It's harder to make it It's harder to make it I think it's harder to make it But you look at like What are the brothers that do videos on YouTube? Logan Paul Logan Paul Well, the Pauls
Starting point is 02:00:58 Yes Yeah, you're right Yeah, you're right You won You won You won You won that one Come on
Starting point is 02:01:06 Yeah, you won that one I know It's ambition It's always ambition It has hard work and ambition Always But Paul, I don't know the two you're talking about But that's lighten the bottle shit, right?
Starting point is 02:01:16 They don't I mean, like everyone Here's the thing Everyone's got it Well, what it is is YouTube guys YouTube guys and that sort of celebrity Is all about access, right?
Starting point is 02:01:26 They're willing to give All of themselves to their fans Welcome to my house Here's my bathroom here This is my ad Like they give the address And like little girls show up And hang out inside their house
Starting point is 02:01:36 Yeah And that's a different kind of thing But they make a very decent living Very good living Yeah And then But I prefer this style Now as soon as Mad happened
Starting point is 02:01:47 Did that help stand up? Didn't that help Like your booking Yeah, but what happened was After Mad I had a deal A couple of deals And I did a couple of pilots
Starting point is 02:01:59 Didn't work out And then I just slowly Started not being invited To getting auditions You know, I couldn't get Back in the room And then I just was talking to my agent
Starting point is 02:02:11 And he was just like I don't know how I'm going to make money It's been a couple years now And he goes You got to do the road And so I started doing the road And I stayed on the road for a while And I would headline
Starting point is 02:02:24 And it's fun You make great money But it gets to the point And I love meeting people And I love, you know The experience Some of the experiences But it gets to the point where
Starting point is 02:02:34 It's really dreadfully depressing Yeah Because you're in the woods Like some clubs You're in the woods For like a week You turn on the TV And you see your friends
Starting point is 02:02:44 Doing shit You know what I mean I don't know why you're laughing You like my pain You like my pain You love it, right? It's hilarious I remember being in
Starting point is 02:02:54 Like my friend I remember being in Nebraska or something And I remember like My friend was on TV And I was in the shitty hotel room And just tears Like during the day It was so hot
Starting point is 02:03:08 It was coming down my face And going I'm never And then what happened was I just You just let it go And you just go That's not my life now
Starting point is 02:03:18 I had to figure it out And then once I accepted my situation I started doing Chelsea lately And then Then that one year I got animal practice The dictator, a bunch of shit You know what I mean
Starting point is 02:03:32 And then It's been fine since then But my point though is Is that I believe that that was good for me Yeah Anyone listening now Everyone listening now
Starting point is 02:03:42 Let me just say something right now Right Tune back in You know The bad times are good You learn so much from the bad Why are you laughing? You fuck nut
Starting point is 02:03:51 You I'll fucking whip your I can't whip my dick on anymore You can I know Don't do that It was like We've all seen it
Starting point is 02:04:00 I know Also true I know everyone's seen it I've only seen it in a performance That's what I'm saying Like she was saying Even in performance Well, just to be
Starting point is 02:04:09 Just to err on the safe side Since everything's really You know Dangerous right now I'm just saying You're seen already by a lot As like someone who's sexually deviant Because that's the image you
Starting point is 02:04:19 You put out So let's just err on the safe side And don't show your If I'm on stage Don't show your pubes And Toki the dumb dumb wants to come out I can't bring Toki the dumb dumb No, you can't Toki the dumb dumb wants to stay in
Starting point is 02:04:28 He wants to play though Yeah, but Toki's going on sabbatics He is Aw, but he likes to perform I know Put Toki on a cruise I'll put him on a cruise
Starting point is 02:04:37 I appreciate it Yeah, yeah Okay Toki, you want to go on a cruise But uh Alaskan cruise ship Send him up the Rhine Yeah But let me say something though
Starting point is 02:04:45 I'll give you an example Alright A stripper Mm-hmm Let's just listen Great Sure A stripper goes up
Starting point is 02:04:54 You rest your case And shows a teddy and a vagina That's one thing She's performing Right People are there to see that But if people already know That I'm kind of a stripper
Starting point is 02:05:02 And I don't touch them in a sexual way Right And a sack falls out You know what I mean One of Toki's like limbs Yeah Okay It's a part of Toki
Starting point is 02:05:12 Now where was it What was it in before What do you mean Where did the sack fall out of From the cruise ship From the cruise ship No I have a hole
Starting point is 02:05:21 I have The sack was in the buffet Yeah, yeah, yeah The sack was in the buffet Yeah, yeah, yeah That's exactly the way to put it It was in the buffet Right
Starting point is 02:05:29 Toki comes out The sack is up inside of something What do you mean Exactly Yeah, yeah, yeah No, the sack I wear clothing Right
Starting point is 02:05:38 Where Toki can breathe Got it Right They're like windows Okay My jeans have windows Great And every once in a while
Starting point is 02:05:46 Toki will stick out a limb And go Yeah, it's hot And it breathes Right I need to breathe Through like the potty hole Yeah, yeah, yeah
Starting point is 02:05:54 The bee hole You're pulling him out of there Yes And he brings a friend along Yeah He brings a friend Okay I get what you're saying
Starting point is 02:06:02 Yeah So if Toki's All right So Toki peeks his little eye out Right Of the little window Yeah, yeah, yeah And humans see it
Starting point is 02:06:10 Sure In a show environment Okay Could that get me in trouble I don't know I don't know Toki's not I don't think it should
Starting point is 02:06:18 But I don't know Toki's not going I want to go inside you That's not what Toki's doing That's not Toki's character You would never do that You would never do that Right
Starting point is 02:06:26 How do you know Toki so well, Karen How do you know him so well Listen First job Sharing it too bad Yeah You know We did share it too bad
Starting point is 02:06:34 Michael McDonald won't talk to you You gotta find something to do Dude, he didn't talk to me for a while Bro Yeah And then one day Could I tell you the most hurtful Thing he did
Starting point is 02:06:45 Yeah So the second year I was there And I was friends with Ike and Josh And I was one weekend And I called Ike and I go What are you doing? Let's go watch a movie or something Because we're all out in Sonoma
Starting point is 02:07:00 I go, who? Everybody Oh, yeah, that's a bummer And Mike had invited everyone there And I wasn't invited That's rough And so for years You know, I would be scared of him and stuff
Starting point is 02:07:13 But because eight years And then like year four or five We became really good friends Yeah, exactly He's been so lovely to me now Yes, exactly You know what I like Guys where I have to earn their friendship
Starting point is 02:07:27 I agree Sometimes in some situations I agree Because it's like, you know, if You know, you look at guys like Like back in the day when I was a young guy Like Dice You know
Starting point is 02:07:41 You can say, think what you want But as a stand-up Dice wasn't inviting In the beginning And then once years go by And he could tell that you're Not gonna go away You know, you're a kid
Starting point is 02:07:53 That's maybe like in it Then one day he's like, hey, Ching You used to call me Ching Hey, Ching, how you doing? And you go, oh my god You know, if he had done that right away And he still doesn't know my name But he still calls me Ching
Starting point is 02:08:07 But hey, Ching, I saw you on fucking YouTube You know what I mean, whatever But like, I'm glad that I had to earn his You know what I mean, respect Yeah I prefer when people are just nice I'll go with that You know what I mean?
Starting point is 02:08:21 Yeah You know? Yeah That's always a little bit better But sometimes people don't turn No, this is true Some people just stay dicks Yes
Starting point is 02:08:31 That's true And I've had to learn that too You're not gonna like everybody And not everybody's gonna like you But in this world there are just fucking assholes That is true Yeah, I think there are Because you've always been a nice guy
Starting point is 02:08:48 But you also have the talent Just to hear me out Okay You're nice Okay, so you're cute as fuck That's cool What? That's cool
Starting point is 02:08:59 What? You're welcome Yeah, thank you You're welcome Okay, am I all right? You're great Thank you You're adorable
Starting point is 02:09:07 That's all I wanted Your hair is phenomenal Okay, let's move on Too much Yeah, I'm pushing now You're cute as fuck You're super funny, dude I'm about to cry
Starting point is 02:09:17 I legit me I legit me I would think that Thanks, dude All right And number three You're sweet You're a sweet guy
Starting point is 02:09:25 Okay So when somebody like you Works, I go Okay, I get it He has all of it You have the same thing You're not cute But you're a nice guy
Starting point is 02:09:35 He's down inside, dude You've done things George, you're a good dude You do things for me And I really like it What about skin skin? Ah Oh
Starting point is 02:09:46 Oh You know what? But your nose is great I love you I love you I do You know what I'm going to say? Deeper than closet
Starting point is 02:09:56 What I just did You're a child of God And you are who you are And I enjoy everything about you No, but back to the tape people made Where they made fun of you And it hurt your feelings Do you ever worry that maybe
Starting point is 02:10:13 You do that to other people? Ooh I do do it Now I do do it Ingest I think you probably just about Ingest Yeah, I do do it
Starting point is 02:10:26 I know Should I stop doing it? Only you can answer that Wow What are you fucking Yoda now? You guys great I'm the fucking 15 years I haven't seen You fucking Yoda now
Starting point is 02:10:37 You fuck Holy shit Has it been really 15? I haven't seen him in a while It hasn't been I mean I feel like we've crossed paths Either at the store Or at functions
Starting point is 02:10:48 Yeah, I've seen you Yeah, I see you It's nice Yeah But I haven't seen him in a while Maybe you do do that You do that with all of us Yeah
Starting point is 02:11:00 Are you able to tell the difference When you're giving somebody a hard time Because you're doing bit You're in bit mode And when you're doing it Because there's really some truth to it Can you differentiate? Can I just say this?
Starting point is 02:11:13 99.9% of the time There's never truth to it Right I'm never harsh on anybody If it's not a joke I do it just strictly on joke Yeah On that level
Starting point is 02:11:23 I don't even remember the last time Where I was really berating somebody Because I was so angry That's true That's true, right? I mean I And so I used to tackle guys
Starting point is 02:11:34 And just like tickle and stuff In a In a bro way In a bro way In a bro way Heterosexual way Cool way A bro tickle
Starting point is 02:11:43 A tickle their quits A cool way It's not cool if you've seen the tickling documentary I know And then Polly goes Polly sure Polly sure goes You know you learned that from me, did right?
Starting point is 02:11:53 And I remember Yeah, because for years He used to pin me down Oh, wow And tickle me And so You know, I've learned all this bad behavior Do you remember that
Starting point is 02:12:03 Like Like pot commercial Where the dad standing over the bed Is like, where did you get this? Yeah And the kid goes I learned it from you That's you and Polly
Starting point is 02:12:15 That's me and Polly That's you and Polly But with tickling Yeah Instead of marijuana Cool But maybe the tape thing The tape thing
Starting point is 02:12:23 Maybe the tape thing sparked something in me Maybe all these little things that I'm speaking more to Because I have always found you to be very kind And very jovial Very joyful In my experience with you Limited
Starting point is 02:12:35 As it may be Yeah Never got Super personal Always very pleasant And comedy in itself Has a cynicism And has a negativity
Starting point is 02:12:45 And has Especially comedians With comedians I have found You remove Tacked or Or manners Or, you know
Starting point is 02:12:56 You can get to truths faster Because you take You take for granted Sometimes For good And sometimes For bad That
Starting point is 02:13:06 We're here We're here to laugh We're on the same page There's an unspoken rule That what we're doing is We're getting to the laugh By any means necessary And, you know
Starting point is 02:13:15 With an audience You have to find the line But with comedians You, I at least Speaking for myself Feel more safe Breaking the liner Or pushing it around
Starting point is 02:13:25 Or crossing it, you know Yeah And it's a very different thing That someone who isn't Existing in comedy Would hear some of the things said And be horrified Like, truly mortified
Starting point is 02:13:38 Right And you have to then like Backtrack and go No, no, no Understand that this is not Hawaii It's kind of a character And we kind of say it
Starting point is 02:13:46 Because it's not the appropriate Thing to say Because that's funny And it's taboo And we're trying to shock each other Yeah And it's tricky It is tricky
Starting point is 02:13:54 And sometimes it bleeds over By accident Exactly Right And you'll say something And they'll be like What? Oh, fuck
Starting point is 02:14:02 Yeah My bad, you know Like when I first met Meals in he goes Bring out Toki So I took out my penis And I did a little show for him Right
Starting point is 02:14:11 Yeah And on the Can I just talk about this? Or not? Yeah, yeah And I would have I would put the little sacks With the hand
Starting point is 02:14:19 You know what I mean He was saying You know It's very talented Sure, sure, sure Test well Focus groups like Focus groups
Starting point is 02:14:27 Style Style goes way up All goes crazy Way up It's like a baby Or an animal Yeah Like a thing
Starting point is 02:14:35 That you But then you You do that Like I'll go to On the road And some like Door man will pick me up
Starting point is 02:14:43 To bring me to press Right? And I'll poke him in the belly You fat fuck You know what I mean And I'll be like Oh, my bad Sorry
Starting point is 02:14:51 Yeah, yeah I should have done that up front But hello Good morning All through high school and college Like dead baby jokes Was a thing Yeah
Starting point is 02:14:59 With me and my friends And like Now I'm a father of two And there's no way I can get away with Doing a dead baby joke At like their pot luck For their school
Starting point is 02:15:07 Yeah I've never heard a dead baby Give me a dead baby joke There's What's What's grosser than gross What? Trash can full of dead babies
Starting point is 02:15:15 What's grosser than that What? One's alive eating It's way to the top Oh That was like Yeah, that's high school That's a good one
Starting point is 02:15:23 That's a good one That's dark I got one Yeah But then I I'm gonna get in trouble That was a dead baby joke It's not a dead baby one
Starting point is 02:15:33 It's a pedophilia one Oh no I'll just say I'll say it I'll just say it And it's a picture Oh my god Of you
Starting point is 02:15:41 I'll just say it With a kid I'll just say it And then you guys You could delete it Okay I didn't write it This is a street joke
Starting point is 02:15:50 Oh, okay I didn't write it It's a street joke That's another comic Another comic I love street jokes Don't you love street jokes Give me the classic street joke
Starting point is 02:15:58 What's the best thing about Being loved to a 12-year-old girl Nothing? All right I'll just go boy Okay I'll twist it because you have daughters, right? What's the best thing?
Starting point is 02:16:09 What is it? I believe If I'm recalling correctly from memory Yeah Your penis looks so big in their little hands No Okay No
Starting point is 02:16:19 I've never heard that I've heard that one I've heard that one You can use your tears as lubrication Oh Pretty good And that was street jokes with Taryn Tillum and Bobby Lee Was that pretty good or was it too much?
Starting point is 02:16:40 Yeah Because that's the worst that you could do Yeah But imagine doing it like, you know, anyway Did you guys read the New Yorker? Oh boy Oh, so she's here to switch gears Segway lady
Starting point is 02:16:52 I love it Segway lady I will not that much of a seg because it still has to do with Well, sort of, not pedophilia but Weinstein You hear about, read about his army of spies On the New Yorker today No
Starting point is 02:17:06 So it turns out this guy hired Actual like Israeli intelligence To go after the women who were making allegations about him To suppress them Journalists who were about to Journalists who were gonna out him Rose McGowan and a lot of other women He basically had, it's a company called Blackcube
Starting point is 02:17:26 And it's It's a great name It's so cool I love that app It's a pretty good name It's a good app Have you played Blackcube? The new Call of Duty on Blackcube has the best graphics
Starting point is 02:17:37 Crazy That is crazy That's crazy So could I as a civilian hire Blackcube? If you had the money, I'm sure Oh boy Don't do that Come on
Starting point is 02:17:48 Pick up Come on, second season Right, right, right But you know, at the end of the day I don't know if I've said this before And I'm gonna tread lightly I love all of this so much Is that Harvey Weinstein has a disease
Starting point is 02:18:07 He has a mental disease It's sex addiction No, it's abuse of power is not a mental disease No, he is a bad guy I mean, he's got all that other stuff too But at the end of the day, it's also a treatable thing You don't think it's treatable? I mean, it's treatable by way of fire
Starting point is 02:18:26 By putting the guy away Otherwise, he could have done this for the rest of his life Even if he was actively getting treatment My belief is when you're so drunk on that power as he was And he's going through, you know, going as far as to hire Like Israeli politicians Yeah, that's crazy You're right
Starting point is 02:18:45 That's 100% right There's nothing to defend him about I'm just trying to look at it in a way of If he was my uncle If Harvey was my uncle, what would I have to do to help him? Harvey, what did Bobby forgot about the uncle role? My uncle Oh, well
Starting point is 02:19:01 This has been addressing sex addiction Yeah With Bobby Lee And then Spacey Dude, Spacey too, it's like Yeah I mean, the people that are on the set of House of Cards Yeah
Starting point is 02:19:13 Are saying I was telling her in the car I've been on many sets, all right? Not to brag Where's the camera? That's dope No kidding I don't know
Starting point is 02:19:24 I show up You know what I mean? They go, go to the makeup, I do it We need you on set, I go, I do it And I don't know how you get away with Squeezing a guy's dick Like, what? Yeah
Starting point is 02:19:44 It's a job Right, right And then they let him do it I mean, for years, people just kind of go I know Oh, it's Kevin Spacey, that's what he does Is that insane? Thank goodness it's coming to light
Starting point is 02:19:58 Yeah, yeah, yeah I can't imagine But do you think there are guys like that at Home Depot? What do you mean? I think that's a manager at Home Depot And he squeezes a guy Everywhere Of course
Starting point is 02:20:09 Yeah, but that guy would get fired right away It's because Kevin Spacey is talented And he's a movie star and all that stuff People go, I'm afraid I'm afraid that I'll never work again This is my dream Other actors are like, that's what's fucked up about it He's taking advantages of people's dreams
Starting point is 02:20:29 A young actor who's 14 This is what I want to do for the rest of my life This is amazing This guy just fucking grabbed my dick And he's a man And he has a lot of power I just say anything I can get it
Starting point is 02:20:42 I'm never going to work again So they get surprised It's fucked up It is Right? And at the end of the day Here's the message Here's the message
Starting point is 02:20:51 Don't do it You could be gay You could jerk off or pour away This is masturbation That's allowable? Yeah Jerk off Yeah
Starting point is 02:21:02 Just put your dick in a cruise ship Let it sail away You really understand the complexity You know what? I don't like your tone though What are we doing at time? An hour We are
Starting point is 02:21:16 It's amazing This is what we do at the end term Yeah We do this thing called unhelpful advice Okay And people email us questions I just wanted to say this too I've had
Starting point is 02:21:29 We've had guests but You're in the echelons of the top Oh buddy You Stone Street Jordan It's the same kind of like I'm just so glad that you did it Thanks man
Starting point is 02:21:42 Me too Appreciate it Me too But ask the question now You got it Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalyla and Taryn Killham Alright this question is
Starting point is 02:21:53 Sorry It's from What just happened? I don't know Second city bro Derek Second city bro Is that a filter?
Starting point is 02:22:01 Is that just Oh that's just low That's amazing Do you Did you ever watch Mr. Show? I can't We're at the end No you can do whatever you want
Starting point is 02:22:09 Yeah Mr. Show what? Mr. Show David Cross The character But you don't even need the hand No Michael Clark Duncan That's awesome
Starting point is 02:22:18 That's a great Michael Clark Duncan That is Back to Derek who needs help Sorry I have a girlfriend that I've been with for almost five years and I have three kids with her Recently she started doing drugs,
Starting point is 02:22:29 meth and drinking and the next time I seen her she had hickeys all over her neck The side of this made me angry but more than anything I was deeply hurt Should I work it out because we have children together
Starting point is 02:22:38 or should I cut her off All connection off with her Wait, stop stop stop stop stop stop Yep Read it again It's so crazy you gotta read it again I have a girlfriend Okay I have a girlfriend
Starting point is 02:22:48 That I have been with for almost five years Five years And I And I have three kids with her They went fast Three kids Damn
Starting point is 02:22:56 Recently she started doing drugs, meth Meth And drinking Oh fuck that drinking And the next time I seen her she had hickeys all over her neck Either meth scars
Starting point is 02:23:07 or meth bruises or she's fucking other guys Decided this Let's go with hickeys Let's go with hickeys Decided this made me For the kids I'm trying to be a
Starting point is 02:23:16 I'm trying to be medical about it but alright Decided this made me angry but more than anything I was deeply hurt Should I work it out because we have children together
Starting point is 02:23:24 or should I cut off All connection with her I am lost right now Help me You're a fan Now this is called unhelpful advice Right It's usually helpful
Starting point is 02:23:34 I do help No no no We do helpful But you can also give unhelp Real unhelpful advice I mean the real is You gotta contact a lawyer You gotta
Starting point is 02:23:43 You gotta keep track of everything that's happening Get a journal Get a little moleskin Keep track of When she leaves When she comes back Let me just do a plug for moleskin
Starting point is 02:23:52 Let's do a little plug You know what I mean They got They got unlined Lined Storyboard squares And also They have a little
Starting point is 02:24:01 Like a string Keep your place Yeah it keeps its place Keep your place With a moleskin string Right It's leather And also it's like
Starting point is 02:24:09 What Edgar Allen Poe used Wow Alright Slavery endorsement Alright Go ahead So what Well you just gotta keep track
Starting point is 02:24:17 And you have to contact Because you need to protect the kids Yes First and foremost That's the real Reality If you've been together five You have three
Starting point is 02:24:25 None of them are Older than two years To and change You can't work it out You can't work it out No I'm not saying that But I'm saying Like order of businesses
Starting point is 02:24:33 We need to protect these children We need to contact Either you know Child services If you need help Or legal representation Or family If you have that
Starting point is 02:24:43 Even if it's extended Bobby will pay To have your children Taken to A family member Right Travel Even if they're out of state
Starting point is 02:24:52 Bobby will pay Tax I'll pay for taxes Yeah No Like the kids First and foremost That's the number one
Starting point is 02:25:00 Yeah And then Begin the dialogue Of is she willing To get help Is she willing to You know address The certain issues
Starting point is 02:25:08 But god If there's three kids Get them I mean I read an article This is not to be funny But this meth couple They had a newborn
Starting point is 02:25:16 And they boiled it Yeah They boiled a baby Alive In their stove Okay that's how delusional And crazy baby That's not a good
Starting point is 02:25:24 Bad baby joke I would have believed About the disclaimer Yeah This is not funny at all I haven't worked At the punchline yet But
Starting point is 02:25:32 They boiled the baby I would have I would have gone along With the fact that No it's not funny Without you Forming me I don't know what the switch is
Starting point is 02:25:40 To this bit But Yeah Yeah You gotta Listen Some things amuck Some things problematic
Starting point is 02:25:48 From your short email How can we possibly know The specifics And detail And backstory And history of your relationship But that is not the priority The priority is not the relationship
Starting point is 02:25:56 It's the children Yeah And fuck your own feelings If you're hurt That's not the priority at all Right It's the kids Yes
Starting point is 02:26:04 Yeah Meth is a dangerous drug And we don't know How much she's doing it On what not But also at the end of the day It's like If she has a
Starting point is 02:26:12 A drug addiction Yeah And she's Fucking around Behind your back She's Obviously She doesn't sound like
Starting point is 02:26:20 She's Neglecting the children Right Unfit mother Now the funny answer is this Right Unhelpful Recipe for boiled baby
Starting point is 02:26:30 No Or it's like Meth pussy is the best pussy Okay, got it Because it lasts for a while Great But how does pussy last for a while I don't know how that works
Starting point is 02:26:39 What do you mean for a while What is for a while I don't know what happens to pussy Clearly you don't understand pussy Yeah It's just a cavernous thing No It doesn't have to
Starting point is 02:26:51 I'm gonna defend my thing And I'm gonna defend it What it is is this Is that If you Okay, I was The job that I'm on Right
Starting point is 02:26:59 Okay The show that I'm on Right Were you working children Yeah But my makeup artist Is this gigantic bear of a man Okay
Starting point is 02:27:08 And he's a He's a What And he's here And he's here He's in my butthole Oh my god I'm so sorry
Starting point is 02:27:16 It's a rough one It's a rough one Yeah, it's rough We got Terran here Alright He's an old friend Anyway He told me that he was sober
Starting point is 02:27:26 And that he used to do math And then we talked Because I had done math Right And as a guy When you do math You jerk off for like 24 hours Watching porn
Starting point is 02:27:35 You can even come But it's not the fact Of jerking off Or coming It's the fact that You just want to keep doing it To feel Yeah, that's what I mean
Starting point is 02:27:43 About meth pussy Is that she might not like it But she's gonna want to keep doing it You know what I mean Whereas a regular girl That's not on math But a boring Straighted
Starting point is 02:27:53 Boring Not doing drugs Yeah, yeah, yeah That's all my point was Yeah, yeah, yeah The sobies Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah
Starting point is 02:28:02 And I'm like I'm just not feeling it Let's focus on you Yeah, but I'm done That was an unhelpful one You gotta find a methie You fucking asshole That was unhelpful
Starting point is 02:28:12 Yeah, methie Methie pussy is the greatest Guys, I'm sorry I doubted you Also, I just want to say this too This is that You're probably not into the UFC But we need to talk about it real quick
Starting point is 02:28:22 Yeah, yeah, yeah, do it I'm sure Callan Do you hang with Callan I talk with him a lot Yeah, I love him Yeah, yeah, yeah Most of my UFC viewing experiences Are through Brian Callan
Starting point is 02:28:32 Brian Callan Yeah, yeah, yeah Brian's one of my blood brothers Yeah You doubt you have done Fighter and the Kid yet? Yeah, me too It's one of my favorites
Starting point is 02:28:40 Yeah, recent There's studios a lot Nice Yeah, there's It's different We could go to a nicer place We want to stay at home Lower overhead
Starting point is 02:28:48 Lower overhead Right, right, right Right But last Saturday's fights I honestly There were three really good ones Right Yes
Starting point is 02:28:57 The greatest card they've ever made I believe Mm-hmm And the biggest upset in the history of UFC In my opinion Mm-hmm Yohana Yunchecek getting knocked up by Rosnami Yunus in the first round
Starting point is 02:29:09 In the first round Who is What did I do, babe? You were there Well, we both collapsed on the ground And stayed there crying You ran around for a while A good while
Starting point is 02:29:18 Who she did You I did I ran in the circle I fell on the ground I did jumping jacks I did jumping jacks at one point And then your brother started like
Starting point is 02:29:26 Hugging each other and flailing Yeah, we did that But old move Yeah The old move This is a Korean way Why is it an upset? Our favorite fighter is a woman
Starting point is 02:29:34 Okay, so there's this I'll tell you why, my friend Yeah I'm glad you asked me Yeah She was 14 and now undefeated Yeah, that's tough to say And she was
Starting point is 02:29:43 Just I mean It's like When she won the belt, right? Mm-hmm It was like an adult fighting A five-year-old kid I mean, that's the difference
Starting point is 02:29:53 Of skill level Her 14th fight Of getting the belt This game No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no So Johanna is 14 and 0 Okay But when she got
Starting point is 02:30:03 Fought for the belt The championship belt Yeah She was like 7 and 0 Okay Okay And when she fought The champion
Starting point is 02:30:12 She destroyed her The point where it's like Oh, my God She's levels above everyone Right And the screw that she fought Last Saturday Rose was 7 and 4
Starting point is 02:30:22 Was a record She had lost a bunch Yeah She was young Yeah And there was a What was it? 99 to 1% chance
Starting point is 02:30:31 That she was going Oh, wow, oh, wow She was a Crazy upset A plus 400 And the way they said The only way she could win Is to choke her out
Starting point is 02:30:39 If she got super creative And chipped her out Yeah But that's not how it went down Mm-mm It was a clean knockout One minute Within one minute
Starting point is 02:30:47 Yeah Knocked her out Yeah The champion out Right A girl that everyone thought Was one of the pound for pound Best fighters on planet Earth
Starting point is 02:30:55 Yeah With men including Yeah, not just men In general Yeah She's one of the greatest Wow And this girl from Denver
Starting point is 02:31:03 Just walked in there And she Fucking took care of business And it was Shocking Mm-hmm You know It's like, you know
Starting point is 02:31:12 It's insane Rhonda Rousey hosted After she lost that fight Oh, wow And it was interesting To hear her talk about it Because she said What happened was very early on
Starting point is 02:31:23 One of the hits Knocked out her vision Right So she had no depth perception Damn So it's like Sometimes it's just Something like that
Starting point is 02:31:31 Yeah She got a fist To just the brow And she was just seeing White in this eye And then Had no depth perception So she couldn't gauge
Starting point is 02:31:40 The reach My gosh And that was why You know It was over So fast for her too Wow So it feels like
Starting point is 02:31:48 When you're kicking and punching And hitting in the face Yeah It's really anybody's game But you know what That's exactly true Exactly true It's a puncher's shan
Starting point is 02:31:56 Yeah And that proved it Saturday Because I was obsessed With Johanna I'm fact I'm still am I'm still am But I was just like
Starting point is 02:32:05 She defended her title Seven times Yeah She's not any less Of a champion That's dope Did it And it was just
Starting point is 02:32:13 Saw-shocking And then like GSP coming back After four years Pretty good Another Canadian we love Okay Yeah
Starting point is 02:32:21 Okay And then You know T.J. Dillishaw Doing what he did Took care of business Yeah It was just a great
Starting point is 02:32:29 Night of bonding Cool And it was nice It feels very close To the McGregor fight Right? Does it Feel like a big event
Starting point is 02:32:37 Close to big events You know what you have What's up I'm sorry CGW Yeah That is Just can survive
Starting point is 02:32:46 In any situation This motherfucker could be like In the polar ice caps You know what I mean And like With a scientist And can talk about shell Like shelving
Starting point is 02:32:58 You want to focus You want to focus on warming your chest Right Because your arms will take care of themselves You can hang out with MS-13 And they're like Oh boy This guy's a fucking gangster
Starting point is 02:33:06 You know what I mean Man the doctor should have had it Yeah The doctor should have had it He could survive it He should have had it He should have had it He should have had it
Starting point is 02:33:14 It was you Darvish Come on Come on I'm still wearing it You know what You know what kind of white he is GW I've said it before
Starting point is 02:33:22 What's GW A good white No a chindler white Oh boy Oh that's something Yeah And ask another chindler Okay
Starting point is 02:33:30 A savior That's just good dude Okay Okay Thanks man Back in the day When that happened Yeah
Starting point is 02:33:38 A round of applause everybody Thank you so much for doing it Check out Check out Yeah you have anything to applaud His movie Yeah I directed a movie And wrote and acted in it
Starting point is 02:33:48 With Arnold Schwarzenegger I saw the trailer It's on iTunes right Yep you can get on iTunes and Amazon It looks so funny It really does It's really fun It's really dumb
Starting point is 02:33:56 And I'm proud of it What was huge Let's just real quick Sure Amazing Amazing Such a pro You directed it
Starting point is 02:34:04 Yeah grab So quick Let me ask you this Did you How did you get him? I had offered it to a different actor And that actor's agent Is Arnold's agent too
Starting point is 02:34:16 And the other actors Maybe I don't want to know who it is Bruce knows Okay Yeah That wasn't a guess but Oh sorry And he said
Starting point is 02:34:25 We gave you Arnold Bruce thought about it for two weeks And they said Would you consider Arnold And I was like Yeah Of course Yeah
Starting point is 02:34:33 Yes and No Only in that You couldn't have Before you said that to Yeah And he said They just said
Starting point is 02:34:41 He's doing smaller Interesting stuff And looking to do a comedy And so he read the script And we talked about it Wait did you meet with him? We FaceTime together Oh my
Starting point is 02:34:51 Oh my god It was awesome It was awesome First time Always FaceTime And the first time He was like at Sun Valley
Starting point is 02:34:59 He has like a big Sun Valley Home in Idaho And his One of his assistants Picks up first You know what I mean In case they call the wrong number Whatever
Starting point is 02:35:08 And he's like Hey Tyler I'm going to hand you over to Arnold And I was like Great And then Arnold grabs me Smoking a cigar
Starting point is 02:35:16 Yeah Sitting in this huge desk Like just leaning back And he's In front of a six foot tall Oil painting of himself From the point Wow
Starting point is 02:35:24 And he's like Tyler That's the before This is the after Wow The fucking best Amazing Every interaction has just been
Starting point is 02:35:32 Wow And then like He would be scared of He's such a big star Yes Did you give him notes? Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 02:35:40 And he was like Just tell me what you want Yeah Let's get it Let's do another one Wow That's fucking amazing He was great
Starting point is 02:35:48 Congratulations That's amazing What's the movie called? Killing Gunther Killing Gunther Check it out guys And then You just did a movie with
Starting point is 02:35:56 Kevin Hart Yep And those guys Tiffany Haddish Kevin Hart Al Madrigal Al Madrigal So it's a really
Starting point is 02:36:04 What's that called? It's called Night School Night School Next September Amazing Yeah And you're doing some other shit too We'll talk about it later
Starting point is 02:36:12 Alright Thank you so much I really appreciate it Thank you buddy I love you And I'm happy to see you Will we be back, Clal? Yes
Starting point is 02:36:20 We'll be right back guys Hello guys And we are back Taryn Killam is awesome Yeah So nice I'm surprised we didn't ask him about his movie To the very end
Starting point is 02:36:31 I know Yeah I want to hear more about the movie Killing Gunther Yeah The dog food and peed Good Do you want to sit down
Starting point is 02:36:39 And talk with us? Yeah I wanted to expand on the fights a little bit more Since we couldn't It's hard What do you mean? I have guilt when we talk about UFC When there's somebody who's like
Starting point is 02:36:53 You know, not into it It's fine People do it all the time Hi Yeah, the coding till TJ Oh, Bobby was happy about that I was very happy about that You guessed correctly
Starting point is 02:37:05 I'll tell you why I guessed correctly too Because if you look at the way TJ dismantled Hennan Borough Twice Okay You have to remember Hennan Borough was pound per pound
Starting point is 02:37:18 One of the most dangerous men on planet Earth People at that time Especially before the first fight No one thought that they could beat That he would lose Yeah And he just, he picked him apart Him and Dwayne Lugwig
Starting point is 02:37:33 When Lugwig was first training him And also it's like You know, when he lost the belt to Dominic Cruz A lot of people thought that he won that fight Yeah, it was very close They said it was close, 50-50 That was his only loss in a while, right? And then Dominic went all five rounds
Starting point is 02:37:52 With Cody, right? Garberant, went to decision And in my head I'm like Did it go to decision? Yeah, it's a death Five rounds So in my head I'm like, you know what I find, I mean, I love Dominic Cruz
Starting point is 02:38:03 San Diego guy, whatever But I think TJ is better at angles Better at movement He's got a, he's a, he looks You know, like when Dominic does it It looks loopy And you know, his body kind of goes in a You know what I mean, like a
Starting point is 02:38:17 But like, I think TJ is a little bit more Crisp Crisp, right? I just never, I didn't think that he could lose And also I don't give a fuck That he was an alpha male guy And then he wanted to move on Let him move on
Starting point is 02:38:29 You see, he's a fucking American citizen Do whatever he wants to He's a, I think it could have gone either way And if they were to rematch I still think it can go either way I think those guys are so equally matched And you know, TJ was hurt in the first round Yeah
Starting point is 02:38:44 Really hurt I'm sorry, Cody Garberant is good He's amazing He's amazing, right? But in terms of skill I think they're equally matched in skill I think TJ has more tools More tools
Starting point is 02:38:55 Because he kicks, I feel like his comments are kicks Maybe more experience I've never seen Cody punch or kick once I think they're still pretty evenly matched up And I don't think Cody is wrong in saying that He feels like he's the better fighter Better fighter I do think that he moves extremely well
Starting point is 02:39:10 And it could go, it's one of those fights That it can go either way You're not wrong in picking or in predicting Either fighter to win And then the championship fight I guess GSB has to fight Robert Whitaker now I hope he doesn't I don't think he should
Starting point is 02:39:27 Have you seen Robert Whitaker? Not lately You don't even know who he is He's new He's like Bro, he good Let me stop Nope, I was keeping the conversation going Bobby
Starting point is 02:39:37 He said why though Who's Robert Whitaker? Where's he from? Who cares? Why are you trying to test him? He's also not very well known yet But he's an interim champion I'm sorry He's from Australia You're right
Starting point is 02:39:49 I was keeping the conversation going I'm sorry I'm so sorry All right Say what you said again Tell us more about Robert Whitaker He used to be a 170 Stephen Wonderboy Thompson
Starting point is 02:40:04 Didn't fare as well there He went up in 185 He's amazing And he's one of my favorite fighters And I think he's just so... Look, GSB at his peak, peak, peak younger I think that would be a pretty fun matchup Very fun
Starting point is 02:40:20 But you know, he's... he looked amazing He looked great And he actually exceeded my expectations Of him A lot more aggressive in the past But I think what Robert Whitaker is One of those guys where he's in the octagon And you can see him thinking
Starting point is 02:40:35 His IQ is so high What's his so-za? What's his name? So-za? Yeah Shakare So-ja So-ja So-za, whatever his name is Who in itself
Starting point is 02:40:48 Who in itself is a feat But then he beat... what's his name? Yo Romero Yo Romero Which is like... A demi-god A demi-god So it's like...
Starting point is 02:40:58 Because Yo Romero was... Oh my god, this guy's the next champion Whitaker went through him I mean, Whitaker was broke his foot And he... He just is amazing this kid He's the future He's the future, right
Starting point is 02:41:11 Yeah That's the feeling I have when John... When I first started John Jones I feel the same way about Whitaker Yeah Um... But can we talk about the Yohana fights though? Yeah, we can
Starting point is 02:41:25 That was honestly And I'm glad that happened I'll tell you why Because number one It's gonna make Yohana So much better Mm-hmm
Starting point is 02:41:36 It's like... If you ever watched the Bones Brigade Documentary about... Tony Hawk Tony Hawk And how He was getting really depressed He wanted to quit skateboarding at one point
Starting point is 02:41:49 When he was young And then Rodney And then Rodney Mullen Tony and Rodney were talking He's like, you seem happier Rodney And Rodney goes Yeah, I just don't compete You know, I don't do those competitions anymore
Starting point is 02:42:02 I just skate You know, like Tony Hawk, as soon as he stopped wanting To take first place at tournaments He would still do them But it's okay to take fifth Then the fun and joy came back Into skateboarding for him
Starting point is 02:42:17 I think the same is gonna be with Yohana It's like, okay, I'm not undefeated I can lose I'm gonna have fun Mm-hmm That pressure of being champion That pressure of being perfect And undefeated
Starting point is 02:42:29 It's a lot It's a lot to handle for somebody And I think that We're gonna see a Yohana Yonchecek That's gonna be much more gruesome Yeah And beast-like I was just very much annoyed
Starting point is 02:42:43 With people who had never Who don't know Yohana This is the first time that they're seeing her They don't know what she's done for the sport And they see Because of things like Hood clips Or, you know, on Instagram
Starting point is 02:42:54 They see snippets of This girl Who is staring down And, you know, acting You know, selling Selling the fight, basically That's not her character Yeah, and then they
Starting point is 02:43:06 They're like, oh, she deserved to lose You know, she's She didn't have humility So she deserved to get knocked out It's like, these are the people That have never watched a fucking Straw weight fight In their lives
Starting point is 02:43:18 They see it on Instagram Now they have an opinion And she deserved to get knocked out I hate that Anyone that does that I have a message to you Boom Put your face in a fucking
Starting point is 02:43:29 Cow's fucking dick hole Ooh, let's fit Whatever, I just made it up I'm sure I could have come up With something even better than that That was interesting But I, that's what happened Okay
Starting point is 02:43:42 This chick has been instrumental For the sport And this weight division There is no better example Of a great champion Than you wanna, you J.J. If you think that Chop your fucking dick off
Starting point is 02:43:53 And send it to Mars And I think Ooh, that's pretty good That's pretty good That's good And Rose, we've always loved Rose I've loved her since the Ultimate Fighter And I am excited for her
Starting point is 02:44:04 I didn't think that she Was going to end it in that fashion But the fact that she did Means that she's serious She's at the top of the game And now it's exciting But it's not that It's also what
Starting point is 02:44:17 Think about it It's why I watch Why I love the sport Because you don't know Yeah, it's unpredictable You watch boxing And you know, fucking You know, Mayweather can do
Starting point is 02:44:28 What he does For five, twelve rounds Of Vade The rings large He knows that he can, you know But with fucking mixed martial arts There's so many different ways That you can go down, right
Starting point is 02:44:42 That no one will ever Stay undefeated forever It's just too many elements Against you, you know That's why I love watching it So that fight Was literally a life-altering experience For me
Starting point is 02:44:58 All those fights were Especially the Johanna one That one really got to me That one made me realize this You can do anything That anything's possible Your heroes are not safe Right
Starting point is 02:45:08 I love Johanna And I can't wait to see her come back Thank you Her reaction has been so good Too afterwards Like this very You know what, here's She was gracious
Starting point is 02:45:18 She was emotional about her thing But she was like, look This is the risk that I take Being a fighter And there's no shame in that When Rhonda lost to Holly You couldn't see her She didn't do any interviews
Starting point is 02:45:33 She got snuck onto a plane She snuck out of Australia She was severely injured too She broke her jaw Okay, but still Straight to the hospital That's why GSB wasn't at the Post-fight conference
Starting point is 02:45:43 Okay, but after Amanda Nunez You couldn't see her after that She was gone But as you see Do you hear what Johanna said? Yeah Because the guy was like Why are you here?
Starting point is 02:45:53 Usually when you lose You're not obligated To come to these post-fights She's like You know what? You're gonna get The best and the worst of me On my uptimes
Starting point is 02:46:01 You're gonna have me Down times Because I'm a professional That's what made me I was like Wow I love her I love her
Starting point is 02:46:09 And Rose But Rose deserved that win I know But I'm gonna say this I swear to God That rematch If there is one I'm gonna feel bad for Rose
Starting point is 02:46:21 Oh, you think Rose isn't that one? I think that Johanna's Gonna come back Hey, I think Rose is going Every fight that I've seen her Since each one is exponentially better I think that she's gonna be
Starting point is 02:46:34 A freak of nature She's so agile that girl She's very bright Yeah, she's evolved And she's finally gotten She's able to Harness all that emotion Yeah, because when she was
Starting point is 02:46:45 On the ultimate fighter That was her main thing When she fought at Carla Esparza The championship She was a little weak Or just not mature-minded Where little elements Outside elements
Starting point is 02:46:55 I got to her She's very sensitive But now she's like No, she's a total boss now Yeah, she came in Her eyes look so dead Yeah But you know she like
Starting point is 02:47:03 She said she prepared for everything She knew everything Johanna was gonna do To try to get into her head And she came prepared for it Stone face Yeah Now the challenge is this
Starting point is 02:47:11 Because you know when you're When you're a champion Your media obligations go up Everything else goes up And if she's a sensitive bird You know That can affect her That can
Starting point is 02:47:22 And I think it affects everybody Differently Johanna's back in Poland Yeah And she deserves a long vacation With her family And you wanna You'll never
Starting point is 02:47:30 You'll never Never listen to this But we love you so much And we're your fans Oh, you're one of my favorites Of all time Yeah You're up there with me
Starting point is 02:47:38 And um But that was A life altering I'm glad I saw it Because it changed my life Yeah It really did And made me go
Starting point is 02:47:46 Oh my god I might win an Emmy You can win an Emmy Anything can happen Anything can happen Anything can happen You have to think about it Everybody's got a puncher's chance
Starting point is 02:47:56 That's what Puncher's chance Because when she When I saw it I felt I didn't know how it ended up on the ground You were I was on a cement ground
Starting point is 02:48:05 Looking up at the stars Just questioning everything Questioning my life Questioning life in general My ideas about life It was really amazing It was inspiring Inspiring
Starting point is 02:48:18 That was fucking amazing It was the best night of fighting I've ever seen Yeah Every card Everyone that was there too And everybody who says They don't like You wanna being
Starting point is 02:48:29 How she is during those stardowns You're really stupid You don't know her This is That's the reason why you watched it That's the reason why it compelled you I think she will And I think she should stay herself
Starting point is 02:48:41 That's on her It's also a mental game You can't get it That's part of the whole match Just starting When she fought Carla Esparza She didn't really do that She did
Starting point is 02:48:50 She did the whole cookie monster She goes under the face She was a little bit Okay, before that I mean, against the first Claudia Against all the That's not her That's this thing that she does
Starting point is 02:49:01 I think that she's gonna find A pocket, a different personality That's gonna be still aggressive But a little bit more stoic I think that's done I think she's gonna be different Whether it's to sell the fight Or the mental game
Starting point is 02:49:15 Judge people by how they act after the fight Yeah, but she's like She's the most gracious loser ever Exactly Yeah, that was amazing She's the best I love her And I love Rose
Starting point is 02:49:27 Good job, girls You were the best fight of the night Yeah, for sure Oh, my god, that was amazing Anyway Any shows for Bobby, Clilo? Yes, this weekend Bobby will be at American Comedy Company
Starting point is 02:49:36 In San Diego What? Buy your tickets now He's yelling He's yelling at the dog Oh, okay No, he's Cat
Starting point is 02:49:47 No, he's doing He's practicing his lines Yeah, yeah November 30th to December 2nd Yuck Yuck's in Vancouver, Canada B.C. B.C., right? I always get confused with my A.B.'s and B.C.'s
Starting point is 02:50:07 But it's B.C. B.C. Come on, Clilo Those are the shows, right? Yes, and then the week Two weeks after that Levity Live in Oxnard, California You can go to bobbilylive.com for more dates
Starting point is 02:50:20 Cool George, shout-outs Oh, I got a shout-out Gilbert liked this one To Calla Dendi 369 on Reddit Fuckface He found Gilbert's great silent acting skills So you can go to the Reddit to see
Starting point is 02:50:34 Or you cannot Can I post it? Can we post it? Oh, yeah, it's right there My mom even called me like, I would say Three years ago, she was like Before you moved to LA Make sure you call your friend
Starting point is 02:50:45 Who posted those videos I was like, nah, no one's going to ever see that I was like, but I would email him But he won't take them off the internet YouTube hasn't forever In case you don't know It's Gilbert playing a mime For three and a half minutes
Starting point is 02:50:58 So it's an acting gem, guys You have to You want to learn how to act at that? Under Reddit, look for future Oscar winner That's the title It's also FatBurt, so Oh, god, we got to post it on our Instagram Yeah
Starting point is 02:51:14 A quick shout-out to Chris and Dave From Congratulations, just met them Super nice guys Shout-out again to a Reddit user, FungusFoot He wanted to correct Bobby's take That Jerry Lee Lewis did not get in trouble Actually, Jerry Lee Lewis did get in trouble For marrying his cousin
Starting point is 02:51:31 He did? Yeah Dude, Jerry Lee Lewis was married His third marriage at 22 Was his 13-year-old cousin Oh If you just look, this guy Has an interesting life just by marriages
Starting point is 02:51:44 Third marriage That was the second longest marriage Of all of them God, that's 22 And, yeah It kind of tanked his career For a while, but he still had a career But it went down from what he could book
Starting point is 02:52:03 Right He had to return from tour and everything else There are a lot of good discussions about Tiger Belly Prom I think we're getting good feedback How would we do that? What would it involve? It would involve the same thing as
Starting point is 02:52:18 We do the live shows Which is like a lottery system I mean, probably not so much a lottery We would probably have to pick and choose Have people submit something How do you get the awkward Like asking somebody to the prom That has to be part of it
Starting point is 02:52:34 And do you have to ask Another Tiger Belly listener? Do you have to ask someone outside? Who doesn't know anything about the podcast Show up to an adult prom It's just weird But prom king and queen are Bobby and I So no one can win that
Starting point is 02:52:50 You cannot vote Can we just do a runner up? You could be the prom prince And then you can be I just want to be like Steve Harrington Oh, wait, hold on We should have a prom court But if no one knows each other
Starting point is 02:53:06 How is everyone going to vote? Interviews for the top Four Dance off Your peers are supposed to vote you Into king Anyway, how would we do it We would get a hall
Starting point is 02:53:22 We would rent out a hall The Ritz Carlton We would have a red carpet With a little area where we could take pictures And it would just be our own Little party It would be for sure weird It's just so real tickest
Starting point is 02:53:38 Let's make this a tiger belly prom theme Let's get a legit famous DJ Like Steve Oyoki I'm trying to do how Bobby does it Steve Okiyoki Yeah, we can throw around Some ideas But George desperately needs his prom
Starting point is 02:53:54 Remember in high school He only had a banquet Hoppa Messaged me She had the same experience as me Outlawed at La Sierra The same banquets Anything else George
Starting point is 02:54:10 I see your notes from here It's a lot Nah, no reverse shout outs today We'll just skip that What was the reverse shout out Which reverse shout outs I had a couple Dorothy for going around your party
Starting point is 02:54:26 Telling everyone that she saw me at the mall Oh yeah, you were at the Glendale It's like the first time I've been to a mall in a year What a bad thing if Dorothy saw you Why did she seem like it was a bad thing And everybody was laughing that I was at the mall No, I hate malls, I don't know Because I just didn't imagine you in all white at a mall
Starting point is 02:54:42 It's creepy No baby, you brought them home from Rite Aid I want to do a shout out to Dorothy Because she got me some So En Panties From the Philippines Oh wow And if you don't know what So En Panties are
Starting point is 02:54:58 They're basically Anywhere here, I think they have the Avon lady Or like the Tupperware lady who like sells You know, products in your home They had a So En lady Which she basically comes with boxes of underwear And you choose which panty you're going to buy But the designs are very old school
Starting point is 02:55:16 It's like full on granny underwear That's the most comfortable thing ever And she got me a whole box And then reverse shout out to Jessica For stealing out of that box What? Well no, and she just took them She's like, I'm taking a few because they're so amazing
Starting point is 02:55:32 So Dorothy, you're the best Reverse shout out to my To my appetite I decided I was eating so healthy and then I took a small bowl and I just filled the whole thing with potato salad I went to a room by myself and ate it Wait, at our party?
Starting point is 02:55:48 But that sweet potato salad It doesn't count I shouldn't have ate a bowl of it But the sweet potato salad that my sister makes is very healthy And I had a bunch of chips What else? I took the whole layer I took the whole layer
Starting point is 02:56:04 And reminder Ziprecruiter.com For all your hiring needs One final thing No more stickers Some people who are just starting at the beginning of the episodes Are still messaging me For stickers, we're going to be selling them
Starting point is 02:56:20 With the next batch of merch coming out soon Also a new batch of merch Very, very soon So keep that in mind when you think of holiday shopping For your loved ones And by very, very soon, disclaimer that could be From two days from now or three months Definitely before Christmas
Starting point is 02:56:36 Very, very soon Before Black Friday Hey, relax bro What the hell? You guys, it better be ready before Black Friday My word is my life I don't promise anything until I know the date
Starting point is 02:56:52 From the factory Oh, that's right Okay, never mind We're getting more special things There's a longer turnaround for some of these things I'm sorry I want to just excite you guys Okay, we're all for it
Starting point is 02:57:08 Alright guys, that was a weird ending Music Hey, Prime members You can listen to Tiger Barely Ad-Free On Amazon Music Download the Amazon Music app today Or you can listen to Ad-Free with Wondri Plus In Apple Podcast
Starting point is 02:57:48 Before you go, tell us about yourself By completing a short survey At Wondri.com

There aren't comments yet for this episode. Click on any sentence in the transcript to leave a comment.