TigerBelly - Episode 116: Taran Killam & Little Whale Teeth
Episode Date: November 8, 2017Taran is Yoda. Bobo has baleen. We talk dial up internet, debilitating paranoias, blurry lines of comedy, and Toki on sabbatical. See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and Califo...rnia Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Five four three, two, one
Let's be going. What is that wormhole? Oh, yeah. Yeah
Through
Well, no, that's enough
Fucking flat face fuck. Thank you so much. So my bad. Um, you fucking filipino for
the flag
Everybody welcome to the tagging barely podcast and I'm so excited today because um
We have a guest but I want to introduce the people in the room before we introduce the guests we have um
I'm so sorry for saving saying that which one calling you flat-face. That was rude up front. I can open that way
It's accurate. You're a human
Thank you. You don't look it, but you are I'm pretty sure. Okay. We got
Kalyla my girlfriend. Yeah
All day every day Hollywood nights 2017
We got Georgetown USA's
AKA she's fucking carve your skin make lampshades. Oh
Okay, right here we got skin skin and then when I oh this nose
Poking my fucking brain right now. I'm behind the shit. Yo, dude
His nose poking my shit from behind. Oh, it's not poking his shit
Kinetically in shit, bro, and we got dude. We got Terran kill him. Give him a round of applause everybody
Oh
That's so nice, thank you
Ali Madrigal goes would you have Terran kill him on your podcast? I didn't think we could even
Come on, but could we know each other? Yeah, I consider you a bud. Do you not is that not nice?
Not even a bud though. You know what I consider you. Yeah, like you and I went to nom together sure
Yeah, like you know like when you don't see somebody from nom for a while. Uh-huh, right?
Well, I mean
Yeah, yeah, I mean, I know you do have never been to nom in the war situation not nice
I have a lot of Canadian friends who vacation there now. All right. Yeah. Yeah. They love it. That's what it's become
You can you my wife is oh
That's good. Oh, no, they're great. Oh, no, they are you and I
I know
People don't know this and if you do you don't but let me tell you
Learn and unlearn okay is is that when I my first show was at some people a lot of people know was mad TV and I
tested
To get on the show with Terran. It was just you and I right just us. Yeah
Oh, they're like, which one would we want gook or regular white?
You know, whatever. Hmm. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm sure that's not what they say said in the room. How old were you 19 day?
30
No, we hung out because we met they brought us in for rehearsals to and we met there
We went to Hollywood Center studios and did that whole like studio session thing. Yeah, it was either you or him. No, no
Oh, it was not like a we tested we auditioned
Rehearsed and then tested together. We played video games afterwards. That's right at the lot
It's Fox at the time. They had like two or three like upright video. You know, yeah
We want to be a watch out games. Yeah. Yeah, and we just played in the lobby after after testing
Oh, and then saw Nicole in the parking lot. Yeah, she was like you guys both the great
Oh my god, and then I got called that day. I did too. Yeah
So but I didn't see you again until Virgin Megastore. Do you remember that? No, I ran into you
But like a week maybe two later at Virgin Megastore at Crescent Heights and Sunset, and I didn't know if you got it
And I was like, hey
Yeah, oh, you didn't even all right. You're like and I was like, hey
Um, so I got it. Oh, wow
And and I was like, oh, and then the first thing you said is have you used it to get laid yet?
And I said no, yeah, well, yeah, I think I probably my voice crack
Oh my god, oh my god, some people do
It's so perfect this guy
Yeah, wow. Oh my god. You almost fucking killed me just now, but bro
Don't ever do that again
Get it. No, you're so good. But and then so there was no internet by that back then so you couldn't
Research you couldn't Google like yeah
Yeah, yeah, and and and the first thing I read was TV guide
They'd like announced it in TV guide and it was like what like a hard medium
Yeah, exactly. Yeah, like a three-quarters rectangle. Did they have internet? I don't remember they did but it was like diet. Yeah, it was dial-up. Oh, right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, well
And oh that's something out of there and then I'm talking about Amanda Bynes at the time. That is true. Yeah
But this is a you don't talk to her anymore. I know no, we're
Dating a little over two years and then she wisely broke up with me. Wow. We were very young as you know
But that did that destroy you or no, I was very sad very sad. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Oh my god
Very very because I remember her because she would show up to her like she came and would hang out and stopped and I'd be like
Oh, she's so in fact every time I would run into her after that. Yeah, so sweet
She's just the nice nice loveliest. Yeah, charming and imagine them
Yeah, at that age
Her show yeah, I did it was sort of my first job out of high school was like I did like ended up doing seven episodes of her show
It's a testament I'm standing. Yeah, look at this is getting serious
Yeah, it's getting serious. It's a testament to your talent that you're able to go from Nickelodeon and also do two sketch shows
But the only two really that was on at the time really, you know, it really is a it's it's amazing
Thanks, buddy. How do you feel about this?
Good
Accomplished in the mirror and you go. I'm the shit or no. No, I would never do I would I look and I go
Sit down with it again. Okay. I said the wrong answer. Yeah, I'm the shit
I'm the shit. No, I go that's that's pretty cool. That's impressive
So we did a year and it was it wasn't
but we did like like 13 right hired for four and
Then and they and you me and Catherine Catherine got hired a little bit later than us last day Fiori Fiori
That's right. And and and it was like in the first the first 13 episodes
We would overlap so you and I only did like two episodes together
And then you do it too with Catherine and then you do too by yourself. It was so weird
Yeah, it was so weird and also it was like almost
Like they weren't you know, you think that you were you're inviting to this family and
Then you know because there's guys that have been on the show for a very long time
And it doesn't feel warm sure
Yeah, like some people are like, no
Yeah, like hi you go. Good morning. They go. No. Yeah
Okay, for sure and then there's some people a gay K. A. Will Sasso the best is the best
Here's a guy who is warm
Canadian Canadian and and in you know, my opinion, I'm sure I'm biased now liking him so but the funniest too
Oh, yeah, yeah, one of the funniest one of the funniest. Yeah
Effective when we was I was there and like like a month in he was like just come to my house
It's a barbecue and like that kind of thing. It was out of that
Gesture. Yeah, I might have not survived totally. Yeah
I there was there like I can count on one hand the people who went out of their way
Mike Hitchcock was one for me. Oh, he's the best the best. Yeah, he really looked out for me
But I sold the show after
Yeah, yeah, yeah, Jennifer Joyce was very kind one of the best
Yeah, Scott King one of the best
Yeah, I mean the all those guys even like Lauren Dombrovsky was mine. Yeah. Yeah, same same
I loved Lauren me too. But so then you did 13 and then that was it
I did 13 and they asked me back
But wanted to ask me back for 17 of 22
They're like trying to renegotiate because you know if you got picked up
it was supposed to be the full 22 or whatever and
My reps at the time were like, you don't need it. Forget them. That's insulting and I
Listened to them. Was that regrettable or no? Probably not at the time. It was tough. Yeah, because even 17 is like a
Serious salary for a 20 year old. Yeah
I'd left college to do the show and couldn't really get back in so like my parents were a little bit like what the fuck
Why are you saying no to work? Yeah?
Long term it worked out good. Oh amazing. Yeah, yeah, because when you left then they brought Ike and Josh Myers, right?
And that's where my pain started
Yeah, because these two kids like if you don't know Josh is Seth Meyers's younger brother
Ike Bernholtz is on the Mindy project and on everything right now and they work together
They were a duo they all did together, right? Yeah, you're so smart, you know everything
You just know the facts on about that stuff. Yeah
And they and the writers knew them to as well, right sure and I was a stand-up
And I didn't know how to do it yet. I still might not know how
I couldn't even you know how they say that the old term
Fake it to you make it. Yeah. Yeah, do that. Well, I mean like we attempted a couple of times
I remember us trying to like write a snowboard sketch together
Also, because we didn't have real dressing rooms. We were in a trailer outside of the building
We're in like that were the new kids. Yeah
Everybody else had like D's and and again Sasso it was the year that the tenacious D album came out
So I would go into his dressing room and he'd play the songs and we'd sing him again
He's oh, wow. Yeah, he's the best. Yes, and that was
That was the year where I remember my first sketch was I played Jackie Chan, of course
of ever Wilson played Chris Tucker, right? Okay, and
Will Sasso was Lance Bass and we were on
See what happens and I remember he's on the cover of people right now
It's a sketch. Oh really? I feel like those
Amazing yeah, we've been amazing. They should do that movie or whatever
But I should so they had me on they had me in early. I was the earliest guy for the call sheet
But I was the last sketch
This is back, you know, they could have to put the prosthetic nose. Yes, this is back in the day when you otherwise
You wouldn't have looked like Jackie Chan
What is that a racial dig their character? No, no listen, I was just saying I had a killer champ
But they had me early but that I was the last sketch wouldn't it like if I had to do it now
I'm last I'm gonna come in last right, but they could just like put me in at five in the morning
Totally had me sit there all day, you know, I mean
But anyway, you get the Pat you get the print out the email
So obviously there's internet the night before of the list and you'd tear like I would go through and like
Which parts am I gonna read in the stress of oh my oh my the tail those are the yeah
Were they the worst they were tricky they were tricky in what way because you didn't get them emailed
They would drop it off at your house. That's right right by mail right somebody would literally drive your house
Yes, and right packets were like this thing huge. Yeah
They would read like 45 sketches and they would pick six and you sit at like a last supper table
With all the cast right so you're all like side-by-side with everybody. You can't really
Yeah, actor relate and it's just all the producers and writers across from the network across from you
Yeah fired at these table reads
Like if you're doing so terribly
Not not in my time. They're not in my experience. Well, I mean not on our show, but you've heard of it and other pilots
Frequently, yeah, yeah, yeah, but here's the problem. All right, so you're there's 43 three sketches that you get
But you might be in four. Yeah, yeah, right and if they're only gonna pick six
Out of 43 that would mean nothing
Mm-hmm, and I remember going that's what was hard for me is I would go through the thing your names
And I would be Japanese businessman number one. I have no line
You know, I mean, oh, I'm a fucking tree
Yeah
I'm a tree not me. I'm not like a fucking tree. Yeah, and if there's no it had nothing to do with the sketch
It was like, right, you don't know what else to do with them, right?
We got to put them in it, you know, and I remember I
Just didn't know how to do it and I remember like
Even just stuttering were you know what they did to me Taryn when you left
Karen, this is what they did to me when I left. Yeah, I was gonna hear
They made a um, there was a tape passed around to all the riders of all my flub lines
And I was like a joke real kind of a thing and they were passing around for a year
It was like not
You know for it was like one of those things like you know how you like read watch YouTube videos of like a lady
Slipping on grapes and breaking her back. It's my favorite. Yeah
Yeah, but that was like me and yeah when I and then I saw the tape and it said Bobby
And I don't know what it's Bobby's a fucking idiot or whatever
No, they're like, oh, that's every scene you do right God and I was just like you guys made that
It's a cruel. Did you ever find out who the source was?
It's tricky because there's also such power
And I found this true at SNL as well that the riders have this weird power where they are determining
the material for the most parts and with no
Vocal risk right like no no no
Perceptible risk because you know 40 sketches and you can barely remember
But if you're the one who has to read it in front of all of your peers, yeah
It's a real unfair pressure and I'm sure like that was put together
Sort of like, you know ha ha ha comedy people razzing and roasting but but without the empathy of like what you have to go
To yeah through every week. Yeah yourself out asking
Everybody on the show out to the dance basically. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was the pressure on SNL worse
Um, well, I knew what I was doing at SNL after Matt TV all the people most of the people who were nice came from groundlings
So I started taking classes there after I left Matt TV and I started know that classic groundlings
Yeah, so I felt more prepared and I did feel Matt TV in some way prepared me for an environment for a harsh environment and for critical
and and and for
Disposable creative effort. Yeah
Um
But then you also feel the status of it and that's a different kind of pressure to of the institution that it is and what it means
To be there. Yeah, just alone the guest stars. I mean, I must be just sure. I mean you're getting the cream of yeah
Yeah, I was more excited and giddy probably mostly because of my youth but also
Because the year I was there blink 182 hosted one of my favorite bands at that point tenacious D and Jack Black were there
Lost my damn mind. Oh my god. I believe it
So I got was more of a narrative about that because it was also my first experience with that
Yeah, and you learn pretty quickly at SNL to kind of get over the
The fame element, right? Yeah, it's only gonna serve you to treat them like a right. Yeah. Yeah, I mean were you
Lauren was it scary was he
Certainly intimidating. Yeah, absolutely intimidating
and and overall over my whole time it's weird because I saw both very good and very kind and very
Complementary and supportive and human moments. Yeah, and then and then opposite very dismissive very cold very
What felt like, you know passive punishment type moments as well. Yeah, yeah, but you ever get like even on like a man
I mean, I'm dick with sushi is not even the same element, right?
But she was our
Right producer, but they were got to the point where I could call him sure and go. What's up?
You know, I mean, yeah, but is that you can't do that with it? I got email like that's the closest they got
I got email, right, but certainly like David Salzman's much more accessible
Yeah, yeah, Rita here. I read her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, you can you can approach them and come to their house show up
Yeah, just show up. What's up?
I'm in for yeah, I'm in for that thing. Yeah. Um, so yeah, because I everyone I've talked to you know
And if you read live from New York and just some of these it's just I wouldn't I honestly
When I found out you were on the show, I'm like good for you him. He's so talented
But I just know for me, I just wouldn't be able to do it
It's tough. It's tough. Yeah, you are a sensitive little bird. Yeah. Yeah
Paranoid of so paranoid. Yeah, still paranoid. Oh, yeah, then it would it would destroy
I know what I mean, I
Could destroy it now in the simplest things, you know, I mean like video village. I can't I hate it
Yeah, you do a tick and you're like your peripherals on video village
Mm-hmm, and then you just imagine what they're saying about you. I do right, right, right, right, but you see you have the job
See all those little things you're doing right now. You're a little like crafty fucking doing up fucking director tactics
Yeah, it's great. No, it's no, you're right cash the check. Yeah, but I know I know but cash the check
Let me just say something to you great. Did you learn that?
Yeah, certainly over time. I
in that
What are you gonna benefit from being paranoid or are you gonna catch them like is that is that the ideal of that?
Is your paranoia gonna lead you to catching them and then you're not made a fool
They're the fool because they're caught red-handed and you were you have the upper hand for being so insightful and observant observant
Is that that's the best scenario, right? That's exhausting and who cares?
That's true. Whoa. I this is exactly what I needed right now
Holy fuck, but yeah, because because their shit isn't your shit, right?
People who make a tape about you and put it around and laugh and it makes you feel bad. That's there. That's on them
That's not that's not a judgment. That's not right reflection of who you are as a performer as a human now
Okay, because I brought the tape up though, right? Uh-huh. You could understand though when you experience something like that
Yes, right you think in your head. It's you get PTSD from it
Sure, I believe it so then I carry that into every job now
I don't I don't behave in an erratic way. They don't think oh my god Bobby's paranoid
I keep it to myself. I come home and she gets it. I
Mean just poor girl. I mean, it's like yeah, they hate me
I can you know, I mean, but even after last week's rap party
It was like he was there for an hour and he came back just sobbing. No one likes me
Yeah, it's I know it's part of it
I think I think you have not you the royal you either have a tendency towards that or don't you know your chemical makeup
but I definitely
If you're nice and you're a good person and your intention is good
Fuck everybody else, right?
Yeah, and you you may have made a good point beforehand. It's like
If they're saying we're moving on yeah, you know, it's basically them saying we got what we needed
Yes, you've done your job. Did your job. Thank you and we're leaving. I just want them to suck my dick every once in a while
But they're not gonna do that. I hear you. Yeah, that's not in the current
It's crazy
Yeah, no exactly especially especially on a scripted show where your character is locked you're hired
For a weekly episodic. Yeah, if they only need two takes and they say great moving on you did your job. Wow, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's their job to say to you
We need something different and if they don't do that then either
They're bad at their job or they have what they want and that's on them. That's not on you
Wow, I
Needed him fucking. I
Needed him fucking two months ago, baby. Oh
That was not a wet man. What I was wet. That was wet. It's a shallow wipe day. I'm yeah, I'm I'm
At my age now. Hmm. I really believe it's not I'm breaking down 46. Yeah, no
I mean, I'm almost 50. That's not that's fine. What? That's fine. I understand about that, but I don't live well
Okay, well, yeah, that's an issue with donuts, right? And I mean, there's some healthy snacks. What are we? Oh, we got a jug of brittle
Okay, we have to a toffee brittle. I hate that's these dried mangoes these chocolate sugar
Laquaw
Cucumber Laquaw
You ever let me ask you something about Laquaw. I know our sponsors. No
What what all of a sudden yeah overnight for sure it is a zero calorie
It's the flavoring
But it's still not necessarily great for you because of the carbonation right for your teeth in particular
What does that do? What does it do with your car? But now what here's a new paranoia now
What does fucking carbonation do to your teeth? It it it erodes the enamel and it and yeah
If you if you are constantly doing it if you you know, they had there's videos online
You can see if you leave a tooth in so oh my god, well Bobby doesn't have enamel you want to tell him
Oh dear. He has four enamels total
Actually have maintained and the rest are just raw nerves
Just exposed nerves just like it's like whale teeth
Oh, you see the whale teeth look like it's feeling it's like little straw
They're just certain things. I've learned over time. You can chew meat with gums
You can you've adapted takes a while. Yeah, it hurts
But you guys just it better to maybe yeah, but you know back in the day when you would see like homeless people
I'm trying to help you. How do they eat?
God you come guns, you know. Yeah, all those back as you look at my I look fine, right?
You're great when you like my teeth, right? You look the same as when we met and I thank you
No, you look exactly the same. You're like more of a man. Yeah, boyish back then. I was very young
Yeah, but all the teeth that you see are the ones that exist
All right, the back there's no okay. Yeah, there is no back. Okay, because I don't floss
Yeah, yeah, I brush but once a day. Okay, and I didn't go to dentist for like 15 years, right?
But you go now. Yeah, so do you have super teeth in the back? Nothing. You're not you haven't done that yet
Just gum just raw gums. I wonder if they could put just one giant molar. Yeah, that's very no instead of putting multiple molars
Sort of like a Bond villain tooth
There's column chopper
He's got like two giant metal like stimpy stimpy from the stimpy like a gigantic lock of tooth. Yeah back there
I read
Yeah, yeah, that's a great idea. Yeah, would I have to suggest it to them?
Well, they already have it they do that sometimes when they don't they don't put the proper tooth in the right place when they implant
The teeth because they don't want to create gaps where things can get in between sure so the cosmetic dentist will usually say hey
We'll put a bigger one here just so there aren't any gaps between your teeth
So you can tell them instead of making a molar make a giant molar that's dope
Whoa, or like have like just one long curved like
Just a mouth guard to yeah, exactly like a mouth guard. Yeah, just one giant one
Yeah, like the grills like mask teeth like Jim Carrey's the mask. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's what I want
That's what I want. That's what I want
But do what they did they?
Is that the time where they shave down the tooth and then they put it on top of it drill it in and they have to like
Or do they drill those are veneers when they shave it down to like a stupid years all the way to the back but your front teeth are fine
Those are actually those have to be implanted. No what you did you shave down the front teeth, right?
Then you put the veneers on top of it, but make the whole thing
Extend we can ask I can truly inquire for you
Contact a dentist. Let's ask that you have two kids. No, I have two children. Yeah, yeah
I know what their names Shailen and Joelle. Oh
Joelle's a boy. They're both female girl. Joelle is a girl's name joy Joel. Yeah, Joly that song Joly
To die are the twins no eight and three years old you have a fucking eight year old. Yeah, yeah, bro
Wait, wait, so when I am when I am your age, she will have spent a year at college. Oh
Fucking god, this is blowing my fucking mind out of the water right now. Yeah, yeah
A little behind on the game, but that's we aborted to
Literally clean the game
You lost again, but my point is is that so before you got SNL you had your first daughter, correct?
So how would how did that so you knew you were living in LA? Yeah, and then my wife was on a TV show here
Yes, exactly and so for the first four seasons. I was flying back and forth between every hiatus week
I'd come back to LA. Oh my fucking god four years. Yeah, there's a ton Wow
Yeah, yeah, you come back for a week, correct
You wait wait you so you would shoot three weeks and then or how it does it mixed it up
Yeah, like three on one off two on two off. It's all choppy. All right, right, right
And then you come back. Yeah, and then spend a week correct. I think I have to go back the worst
Yeah, the worst and did they pay I don't know how much you made but like in the beginning was a you this
What the you can say it if you want I made starting on SNL? Yeah
$3,000 less a week than we initially got paid on Matt TV
Ten years and I know that number really. Yeah, that's insane way, huh? Yeah
See that's and do they put you up? They give you a relocation fee. Okay one time and if you have kids
It's a little bit bigger. Oh wow. That's insane. Yeah, and they can do that. They do it. Yeah
You say people go to the comedy store and they go, wow, look at this lineup, right?
How much are you getting paid?
15 bucks, right and people can't believe it. Why do you do it?
It's just you have to do it to compete. Yeah, they're just certain things you do and you go
This is gonna be beneficial to my life because in the long run
You're gonna make so much more. I mean, that's just the beginning, right? It did so much for you
Yeah, the opportunities that have come right it changed your life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I mean you became like the guy
Yeah, the funny white dude on SNL. Yeah, and you know get so funny because you know, you and I
It's whisper you know, I haven't you know running each other and then like you then you got on that and then I was just like
Maybe he'll forget about me
No, you think that in your head like oh, they're in a different club. Remember when we were to that CAA party
I'm like, this is the clubhouse
Like now I'm starting getting invited to like the club again, okay, because I was out for years
So I was holding her hand and we're walking and the music was playing and you get the little foods, you know, yeah
Whoa, I gotta invite it back into the club, right?
And so you think that when people go to the clubhouse they forget, but they don't
Yeah, no. Why are you not looking at me, babe?
You're just a difficult face to forget altogether. Just your shape your overall shape very it was an intimate experience
I think us getting hired on that show to get like and I and I would go and see you perform at the comedy store
And I like done that and watching you
Do your thing and then hanging out in the parking lot after work, you know, like yeah
It was so many firsts so intense so exciting. Yeah. Yeah, you know when we
This was I'm not gonna name the name, but you wouldn't you and I were at that's testing for the show
Yeah, we had the studio at Hollywood Center studios and there was an actress there
Who when we left I go are you gonna touch you guys nah, I'm asking for 10 grand
Well, that's what she said. Well
At the time it was about $6,500. Yeah, I think $5,500. I think
75 is what I remember. That's what you got. Oh, okay
This has been
Right, I need 10 grand right and she never tested she's asked for the money and they said no, right?
12 years later. I'm at a restaurant and she was my waitress
And the first thing that she said to me
Not even high was I shouldn't taken it. I should have taken it. Wow damn and I go it made me want to cry
sure because it's like
One just one ego decision
like that
You know, he was when you know, he didn't go back to Matt. I would I think we were all fine. He's a young guy
He's talented
And you'd already done stuff before that but with her it was her first thing
I just don't think that you can make those kind of decisions, especially now
Now it's so difficult. You think so. There's so much more to do now
Yeah, but you know, it's harder to make it you to read. I think it's harder to make it
But like you look at like what are the the brothers that do videos on YouTube the Paul Logan Paul Logan for the polls
Yeah, you're right. Yeah, you're right. You won
Yeah, you won that one
Yeah, you won that one. I know it's ambition. It's always ambition, right?
It has been hard work and ambition always but it but Paul
I don't know the two you're talking about but that's lightening the bottle shit, right?
They don't I mean like everyone here's the thing is
Well, what it is is you two guys YouTube guys and and the and that sort of celebrity is all about access, right?
They're real willing to give all of themselves to their fans welcome my house. Here's my bathroom here
This is my ad like you they give the address and like crazy up and hang out. Yeah inside their house
Yeah, and that's a different kind of thing, but they make a very decent living very good living. Yeah. Yeah, and then
But I prefer this style now as soon as mad happened. Did that help stand up?
Didn't that help like your your booking? Yeah, but what happened was I after mad I had a deal a couple of deals and
I did a couple of pilots didn't work out and then I just slowly
Started not being invited to getting out additions, you know, I couldn't get back in the room and then I
Just was talking to my agent. He was just like I go. I don't know how I'm gonna make money
It's been a couple years now and he goes you got to do the road and
so I started doing the road and I stayed on the road for a while and
I would headline and it's fun. You make great money
But it gets to the point. I love meeting people and I love
You know the experience some of the experiences, but it gets to the point where it's really
Dreadfully depressing. Yeah, because you're in the woods like some club clubs. You're in a woods for like a week
Yeah, you turn on the TV and you see your friends doing shit, you know, I mean
I don't know why you're laughing you like my pain
Remember being in
Like my friend I remember being in the brass or something and I remember like my friend was on TV and I was on in the shitty
hotel room and
Just tears
Yeah, during the day coming. It was so hot. It was coming down my face. Yeah. Yeah and going I'm never and
Then what happened was I just you just let it go. Yeah, you just go. That's not my life now
I had to figure it out and
Then once I accepted my situation, I
Started doing Chelsea lately and then
And they got then that one year I got animal practice the dictator a bunch of shit
You know I mean and then it's been fine since then but my point though
Is is that you know there I believe that that was good for me. Yeah
Anyone listening now?
Everyone listening now. Let me just say something right now, right to back in, you know, the bad times are good
You learn so much from the way you laughing you fuck not you all fucking whip your mic
I can't work my dick out anymore
It was like
I know everyone's seen it. I've only seen it in a performance. That's what I'm saying
Like she was saying even in performance
Well, just to be just to err on the safe side since everything's really you know dangerous right now
I'm just saying you're you're seen already by a lot as like someone who's sexually deviant because that's the image you
You put out so let's just err on the safe side and don't
Arm on stage and don't show your pews and Tokyo the dumb dumb wants to come out. I can't bring Tokyo the dumb
No, you can't
What's the play though? Yeah, but toky's going on sabbatical
But he likes to
Put toky on a cruise
Okay, toky you're gonna go to cruise but
The Rhine yeah, but let me say something though in a before I'll give you an example. All right a stripper
Let's just listen great. Oh sure a stripper goes up you rest your case and shows a teddy and a vagina
That's one thing. She's performing, right?
People are there to see that but if people already know that I'm over I'm kind of a stripper
And I don't touch them in a sexual way, right and a sack falls out
I mean one of toky's like like limbs
Now where was it what was it in before what do you mean? Why did where did the sack fall out of from the cruise ship the cruise ship?
No, gotta gotta gotta I have
The sack was in the buffet. Yeah, that's exactly the way to put it was in the buffet, right?
Toky comes out the sack is up inside of something. What do you mean?
Exactly. Yeah. No, this is the sack. I have I wear clothing where right toky can breathe. Got it, right?
They're like windows. Uh-huh. Okay. My jeans have windows. It's great
And every once in a while toky will stick on a limb and go
Uh-huh, yeah, it's hot and a breeze. I need a breeze through like through like the the potty hole
Yeah, yeah, you're pulling him out of there. Yes, and he brings a friend along. Yeah
Well, it's a part of him. Yeah, you can say friend. I get what you're saying. Yeah
So if
All right, so toky picks his little eye out right of the little window
Yeah, yeah, yeah, and humans see it sure in a show environment. Okay. Could that get me in trouble? I
Don't know. I don't know. He's that toky's
I don't think it should but I don't talk. He's not going. I want to I want to go inside you
That's not what toky's doing. That's not yeah, he's character
He would never do that
How do you know so well ten?
Listen first job
We did share out to be Michael McDonald won't talk to you
I didn't talk to me for a while, bro. Yeah, and then one day could I tell you the most hurtful thing he did? Yeah
So the second year I was there and I was friends with Ike and Josh
And I was one weekend and I called Ike and I go what are you doing?
Let's go watch a movie or something
Because we're all out in Sonoma
Yeah, who?
Everybody and Mike had invited everyone there and I wasn't invited that's rough
And so for years, you know, I would be scared of them and stuff
But because I eight years and then like year four or five. Yeah, really good friends like yeah, exactly
He's been he's lovely to me now. Yes, exactly
You know what? I like you know what? I like guys where I have to earn their friendship. I agree sometimes in some situations
I agree
because it's like, you know, if
You know, you look at guys like
Like back in the day when I was a young guy like dice
You know, you can say think what you want, but as a stand-up dice wasn't inviting in the beginning
And then once you years go by and he could tell that you're not gonna go away
You know, you're a kid that's like in it. Then one day is like a Ching you used to call me Ching
Hey, Ching how you doing? And you go, oh my god, you know, if you had done that right away
And he still doesn't know my name
He still calls me Ching but it you got so you on fucking YouTube. You don't know whatever
But like I'm glad that I had to earn his you know, I mean respect. Yeah
I prefer when people are just nice
I'll go that's you know, I mean, yeah
Yeah, you know, yeah, that's always that's always a little bit better
But don't sometimes people don't turn. No, this is true. Some people just stay dicks. Yes. That's true. And
I've had to learn that too. Mm-hmm
You're not gonna like everybody and not everybody's gonna like you and but in this world, that's just fucking assholes. That is true
Yeah, I think there are
Because you've always been a nice guy. Mm-hmm, but you also have the talent
Hear me out. Okay
You're nice. Okay, so
You're cute as fuck. That's cool. What? Thanks. Cool
You're welcome. Yeah, you're welcome. Thank you. Okay. Am I all right? You're great. Thank you
You're adorable. That's all I wanted. I your hair is phenomenal. Okay. Let's move on too much. Yeah, push it now
You're cute as fuck. You're super funny, dude. I really legitimately when I'm about to cry. I legit me
I legitimately would think that thanks to I and number three
Um
You're sweet. You're a sweet guy. Okay, so when somebody like you works. I go, okay, I get it
He has all of it. Right. You have the same thing. You're not cute. Oh, but you're a nice guy
It sounds to beat down inside dude. You've done things George. You're a good dude
You do things for me and I really like it. What about skin skin? Ah
Ah, oh, you know what everything but your nose is great
I love you. I love you. I you know what good to say this
What I just did you're a god you're a child of God and you are who you are and I enjoy everything about
No, but but back to the tape people made where they made fun of you and it hurt your feelings
Um, do you ever worry that maybe you do that to other people? Oh
I do do it now. I do do it ingest. I think you probably justified like I'm in ingest. Yeah, I do do it
I know should I stop doing it?
Only you can answer that
Oh, you guys great 15 years. I have to see you fucking
Shit, it's a bit really 15. I haven't seen him in a while
It hasn't been I mean I like it they're feeling we've crossed paths either at the store or yeah, yeah functions
Yeah, I've seen you. Yeah, we've whenever I see you. It's nice. Yeah
Yeah, but I didn't see him in a while and maybe you do do that you do that with all of us
Yeah
You do you are you able to tell the difference when you're giving somebody a hard time because your joke because you're doing bit
You're in bit mode and when you're doing it because there's really some truth to it
Can you do can I just say this 99.9% of the time? There's never truth to it, right?
I never I'm never a harsh on anybody if it's not a joke. I do it just strictly on joke. Yeah on that level
I don't even remember the last time where I was really berating somebody because I was so angry
That's true. That's true, right? I mean I and so um, I used to tackle guys and just like tickle and stuff
Right, you know in a in a head in a pro way in a pro way heterosexual way. Yeah, right cool. A bro ticker
Sometimes I wouldn't tickle their cool way
Have you seen the tickling documentary? I know and then Paulie goes Paulie sure Paulie sure goes
You know you learned that from me did right and I remember yeah because for years
He used to pin me down. Oh, wow and tickle me and so
You know, I've learned all this bad behavior for you remember that like like pot commercial
Where the dad standing over the bed is like, where did you get this?
And the kid goes
Oh, yeah, that's me and Paulie but with tickling. Yeah, marijuana
Maybe the tape thing sparked something in me
Maybe all these little things that I'm speaking more to because I have always found you to be very kind and very jovial
Very joyful in my experience with you limited as it may be you've never got
super personal but always very pleasant and
and comedy in itself has a cynicism and has a negativity and has
Especially comedians with comedians. I have found you remove
tacked or or or manners or you know, you can get to truths faster
because you take you take for granted sometimes
for good and sometimes for bad that
We're here. We're here to laugh. We're on the same page
There's an unspoken rule that what we're doing is we're getting to the laugh by any means necessary and
You know with an audience you have to find the line but with comedians you I at least speaking for myself feel more safe
Breaking the liner or pushing it around or crossing, you know, yeah, and it's and it's a very different thing that
someone who isn't
Existing in comedy would hear some of the things said and be horrified like truly mortified
Right, and you have to then like backtrack and go. No, no, no understand this is not who I it's kind of a character
And we kind of say it because it's not the appropriate thing to say because that's funny and it's taboo and we're trying to shock each other
Yeah, and it's tricky. It is tricky and sometimes it bleeds over by accident into exactly, right?
And you'll say something and they'll be like what right? Oh fuck. Yeah, my bad. Yeah, you know like when I first met
Crystallia two meals in he goes bring a toky. So I took out my penis and I did a little show for him, right?
Yeah, yeah, like and I on the
Kind of talk about this or not. Yeah. Yeah, and I would have put the little sacks on with the hand
You know, I mean you sing, you know, it's very talented. Sure. Well focus focus
Style
It's like a baby or an animal
But you're like kindred to when I met you, you know, just like a child like thing that you that you but then you
You do that like, you know, like I'll go to all on the road and some like doorman will pick me up to bring me to
Press right and I'll poke him in the belly. You fat fuck. You know, I mean, you know, like, what?
Yeah, I'll be like
Yeah
But hello, good morning, you know, yeah, like all through high school and college like dead baby jokes was a thing
Yeah, my friends. All right, and like now I'm a father of two
There's no way I can get away with doing a dead baby joke at like their potluck
I've never heard a dead baby. Give me a dead baby joke. Um, what what's what's grosser than gross? What trash canful of dead babies
What's grosser than that? What one's alive eating its way to the top?
That's dark I got one yeah
But then I I'm gonna get in trouble
I'll just say it and then you guys you could delete it. Okay, I didn't write it
Another comic
Love
What's the best thing about making love to a 12-year-old girl
Nothing. All right, nothing about boy. I'll just go boy. Okay
Daughters, right?
What is it I believe if I'm recalling correctly for memory. Yeah, your penis so it looks so big in their little
Yeah
Because that's the worst that you could do yeah, but imagine doing it like you know, but anyway, um, did you guys read the New Yorker?
No, well not that much of a seg because it still has to do with well sort of not pedophilia but
Weinstein you hear about read about his army of spies on the New Yorker today
So it turns out this guy hired actual like Israeli intelligence to go after the women who were making allegations about him to suppress them
journalists who are about to
Journalists who are gonna out him
Rose McGowan and a lot of other women he would he he basically had it's a company called Blackcube and
It's a great name. It's so cool
I love that app. It's pretty good name. Good app. Have you played Blackcube?
The new Call of Duty on Blackcube has the best graphics. Yeah
That is crazy. That's the world. So he how much so could I as a civilian hire Blackcube? If you had the money
I'm sure. Oh boy. Don't do that. Come on
Pick up
But you know at the at the end of the day, I don't know if I've said this before and I'm gonna tread lightly
I love all of this so much. It's that
Harvey Weinstein has a disease
He has a mental disease. It's sex addiction. No, it's it's abuse of power is not a mental disease
No, it's there's he is a bad guy. I mean he's he's got all that other stuff, too
But at the end of the day, it's also a treatable thing that you don't think it's treatable
I mean, it's treatable
But you know by way of fire. Yeah by putting the guy away
Otherwise he could if he would have done this for the rest of his life
Even if he was actively getting treatment
My belief is when you're so drunk on that power as he was and he's going through you know going going as far as to hire
In like Israeli yeah, yeah, that's crazy. Yeah, you're right. You're 100% right. That's beyond there's nothing to defend him about
I'm just trying to look at it in a way of if he was my uncle
If Harvey was my uncle, what would I have to do Bobby forgot about the uncle rule
This has been addressing sex
Yeah, with Bobby Lee and then spacey to spacey, too. It's like yeah
I mean the people that are on the set of House of Cards. Yeah are saying yeah, I was telling her in the car
I've been on many sets. All right. Mm-hmm not to brag
Where's the camera? That's dope
No kidding and um, I don't know like I show I try I show up. Uh-huh
You know, I I
They go go to the dressing room go to makeup. I do it
Uh-huh, we need you on set I go do it and I I don't know how you get away with like
Squeezing a guy's dick, you know, like why what what?
Yeah, it's a job
Right, right, and then they let him do it. They I mean for years people just kind of go. I know. Oh, it's Kevin spacey
That's what he does
insane
Thank goodness. It's coming to light. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Yeah, I can't imagine but do you think there's big guys like that at Home Depot? Oh, you mean that's a manager at Home Depot and he
Everywhere
That guy would get fired right away
It's because Kevin spacey is talented and he's a movie star and all that stuff, right? I think people go. I'm afraid
Yes, right. I'm afraid that I'll never work again. This is my dream like other actors are like, yeah
That's what's fucked up about it. It's like he's taking advantages of people's dreams
Mm-hmm, right like a young actor who's 14. This is what I want to do for the rest of my life
This is amazing. This guy just fucking grabbed my dick, right?
He's a man. He has a lot of power, right? If I say anything I can get it
I'm never gonna work again. So they they get surprised. It's fucked up, bro
It is
Right and at the end of the day, here's the message of the end of the show. Here's the message. Don't do it
Brace could be gay. You could jerk off or to pour away. This is masturbation. That's allowable. Yeah
Yeah, just put your dick in the cruise ship. Let it sail away. You really understand the complexity
Yeah, I don't like your tone there
What are we doing at time an hour? We are close to it. It's amazing
Wow, this is what we do at the end term. Yeah, we do this thing called unhelpful advice
Okay, and people email us questions. I just wanted to say this too like I've had I
We've had guests, but
You're in like echelons up the top. Oh, buddy
You stone street
Jordan it's that same kind of like I just so glad that you did it. Thanks, man. I appreciate it
I need to but ask the question now. Okay, got it on hopeful advice with Bobby Kalila in Terran kill him
All right, this question is from sorry. It's from what just happened
Second city, bro Derek second city. Oh natural. Is that a filter? Is that just oh, that's just low. That's amazing
Do you did you ever watch mr. Show? I can't I'm we're at the end. I know you can do whatever you want
Yeah, mr. Show. What's your show David Cross with the character and it but you don't even need the hand
Michael Clark Duncan. That's awesome. That's a great Michael
Back to Derek needs
Sorry, I have a girlfriend that I've been with for almost five years and I have three kids with her
Recently she started doing drugs math and drinking and the next time I seen her
She had hickeys all over her neck the side of this made me angry
But more than anything I was deeply hurt should I work it out because we have children together
Or should I cut her off?
Yep, read it again
It's so crazy. You got to read it again. I have a girlfriend
Okay, I have a girlfriend that I had been with for almost five years five years and I and have three kids with her
They went fast three kids
Recently she started doing drugs math math and drinking
Fuck that drinking math and the next time I seen her she had hickeys all over her neck
Either meth scars or brew that meth bruises or she's fucking other guys the side of this with hickeys
Let's go with hickeys the side of this
The side of this made me angry but more than anything I was deeply hurt
Should I work it out because we have children together or should I cut off all connection with her?
I am lost right now. Help me your fan
Now this is called unhelpful advice, right?
Is this usually how I do how we do helpful okay, but you can also give unhelp real well
Well, I mean the real is you got to contact a lawyer
You got to you got to keep track of everything that's happening get a journal get a little moleskin keep track of
Let's do a plug for moleskin
They got they got unlined lying
storyboard squares
And also they have a little like a string where you can keep your place
Yeah, it keeps its place right keep your place with a moleskin string
Right, it's leather and also. It's like what Edgar Allen Poe used. Wow. All right. I like celebrity endorsement
Go ahead. So what well you just got to keep track and you and you have to contact because you need to protect the kids
Yes, first and foremost, that's the real right reality if you've been together five you have three none of them are
Older than two years to to and change maybe so you're saying you can't work it out
You can't work it out. No, I'm not saying that but I'm saying like order of business is we need to protect these children
We need to contact either, you know child services if you need help or or legal representation or family
If you have that even if it's extended Bobby will pay to have your children
Taken to family member. Yeah, right travel even if they're out of state. Yeah, Bobby will pay
I'll pay for taxes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, but but protect the kids first and foremost number one. Yeah, and then
Begin the dialogue of is she willing to get help is she willing to you know address the certain issues?
But God if there's three kids get them. I mean, I I read an article
This is not to be funny, but this meth couple
They had a newborn and they boiled it. Yeah, they boiled a baby alive in their stove. Okay, that's how delusional and crazy
I would have had a baby joke. I would have believed that it wasn't meant to be funny without the
Funny at all I haven't worked at the punchline yet, but they boil the baby
Switches to this bit
Yeah, yeah, you gotta listen some things amok some things problematic
From your short email, how can we possibly know the specifics and detail and backstory and history of your relationship?
But that is not the priority. The priority is not the relationship. It's the children
Yeah, exactly and fuck your own feelings if you're hurt. That's not the priority, right? It's the kids. Yes
Yeah, it methods a dangerous drug and we don't know how much she's doing it on whatnot
But also at the end of the day, it's like if she has a
Drug addiction. Yeah, and she's fucking around behind your back. She's Nick
Obviously, just she doesn't sound like she's neglecting the children right unfit mother. You got to get out of the situation
You got to protect the kids. Yeah, right
Now the funny answer is this right the unhelpful was what?
Recipe for boiled baby
It's like met pussy is the best pussy. Okay. Yeah, because it lasts for a while. Great. It's dry pussy lasts for a while
I don't know what happens to pussy clearly you don't understand
It's just a cavernous thing
My thing and I'm gonna defend it what it is is this is that if you okay, I was I have the job that I'm on right
Okay, so that I'm all right where you were children. So yeah
I'm here, but the make my makeup artist is this gigantic bear of a man. Okay, and he's up. He's a
He's here
My butthole. Oh
My god, I'm so sorry
It's a rough one. Yeah, it's rough here in here. All right. He's an old friend. He's yeah, you know, but um
Anyway, he told me that he was sober
Mm-hmm, and that he used to do math and then we talked about because I was I done math, right?
And as a guy when you do that you jerk off for like 24 hours watching porn
But you it's not the fact of jerking off or coming
It's a fact that you just want to keep doing to feel yeah
That's what I mean about meth pussy is that she might not like it, but she's gonna want to keep doing it
You know I mean where's a regular girl? That's not on math. I'm boring once they take a nap
not doing
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's all my point was the so bees
I'm just not feeling it. Let's focus on you
Helpful one you fucking asshole
Matthew Matthew pussy is the greatest guys. I'm sorry. I doubted you. Oh, so I just want to say this to you
Yeah, you probably not into the UFC
But we need to talk about real quick. Yeah. Yeah, dude
I'm sure Callan. Do you hang with Callan? Yeah?
My most of my UFC
Viewing
Experiences are through Brian Brian Callan. Yeah, Brian's one of my brother. Yeah. Yeah, you know you've done fighting on the kid yet
Uh-huh. Yeah, me too. It's among my favorites. Yeah recent. You did a lot. Nice. Yeah, there's a nice baby
We could go to a nicer place. We want to stay at home
lower overhead lower overhead
Right, right, right, right, but last Saturday's fights
The I honestly three really good one. Yes. Yes, the greatest card they've ever made. I believe and
The biggest upset in the history of UFC in my opinion
Yo, you want a young che cheque getting knocked up by Rose Novinunus in the first round
Who is what did I do, babe? You were there?
You know we both collapse on the ground and stay there crying you ran around for a while
A good while who she did you I did I read a circle. I fell on the ground did jumping jack
I did jump rejects at one point your brother started like hugging each other and flailing. Yeah, we did that but old move
Yeah, the old move. This is a Korean way. Why is it an upset? Our favorite fighter is a woman
Okay, so there's a scar. I'll tell you why my friend. Yeah, I'm glad you asked me. Yeah
She was 14 and now undefeated yeah, that's tough and and she was
Just true. I mean, I mean, it's like when she won the belt, right?
Mm-hmm. It was like an adult fighting a five-year-old kid
I mean, that's the difference of her skill level her 14th fight of no
No, no, no, no, no, no when so Johanna is 14 and oh, okay, but when she got
Fought for the belt. Yeah championship belt. Yeah, she was like seven and oh, okay, okay?
And when she fought the champion she destroyed her the path
That point where it's like, oh my god
She's levels above everyone right and the screw that she fought last Saturday Rose was seven and four was the record
She had lost a bunch. Yeah, she was young. Yeah, and
There was a what was it 99 to one chance percent chance that she was a wow
Yeah, she was a crazy upset a plus 400 and the and the way they said the only way she could win is to choke her out if she got
We're super creative. Yeah. Yeah, is the only way to be one down
No, we did that one minute within one minute. Yeah knocked her out
Yeah champion out right girl that everyone thought was one of the pound-for-pound best fighters on planet earth
Yeah with men including it. Yeah. Yeah, not just man in general
Yeah, she's one of the greatest Wow, and this girl from Denver just walked in there and she fucking took care of business and it was
shocking
You know, it's like, you know
It's insane Ronda Rousey hosted after she lost that fight. Oh wow
And it was interesting to hear her talk about it because she said what happened was very early on one of the hits
Mm-hmm knocked out her vision. So she had no depth perception. Damn. So it's like sometimes it's just something like that
Yeah, she got she got a fist to just the brow and it and it she was just seeing white in this eye
And then had no depth perception so she couldn't gauge my gosh is what you know how she told it and and that was why you know
It was it was over so fast for her to wow
So it feels like when you're kicking and punching and hitting in the face. Yeah, it's really anybody's game
Yeah, but you know what that's exactly
Yeah, yeah, because and that proved it Saturday because I was obsessed with you Hanna. I'm fact I
I'm still am but I was just like she defended her title seven times
Yeah, yeah, and she was
This girl did it and it was a saw-shocking and then like GSP coming back after four years pretty good another Canadian
We love okay. Yeah, okay, and then um, you know tg dillo shot doing what he did care business
Yeah, it was just a great night of bonding cool, and it was nice
It feels very close to the McGregor fight, right? Is it does it feel like a big event close to big you have
What's up? There's a little bits a little bit of this guy right here right here is one of those kinds of white dudes, right?
I'm sorry ZGW. That's yeah. Yeah, that is just can survive in any
situation
This motherfucker could be like in the polar ice caps
Yeah, I mean yeah, like talking with a scientist and can talk about shell like shelving
We want to focus you want to focus on warming your chest, right because your arms will take you can hang out with MS 13
And they're like, oh
I mean like man the Dodgers should have had it
Come on, come on, I'm still wearing it. You know what? You know what kind of white he is GD. I've said it before
What's GW good? Why no a chintler white?
Oh boy, yeah, oh shindler. Okay, savior. That's a good dude. Okay. Okay. Thanks man. Back in the day when that happened. Yeah, oh man. You put a couple of them in your trunk and drive across the border, man.
You're a good dude, man. Thanks buddy. Give Taren kill him a round of applause everybody. Thank you so much for doing it.
Check out. You have anything to plug. His movie. Yeah, I directed a movie
And wrote and acted in it with Arnold Schwarzenegger. I saw the trailer. It's on iTunes, right? Yeah, it looks so funny. It really does. It's really fun
It's really dumb and I'm proud. What was huge. Let's just real quick. Sure. Amazing. Amazing. Such a pro
You're direct. You directed it. Yeah, grab. So quick. Let me ask you this. Yeah, how did did you?
How did you get him? I
I had offered it to a different actor and that actor's agent is Arnold's agent, too
And the other actors maybe I don't want to I don't want to know who it is. Okay. Yeah
I was gonna guess but oh, sorry and he said we gave you Arnold Bruce thought about it for two weeks
And they said would you consider Arnold and I was like, yeah, of course
Yes, and no only in that like I couldn't have before you said that yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and he said they just said he's doing smaller interesting stuff and looking to do a comedy
And and so he read the script and we talked about it
Wait, what did you eat with him? We faced time together. Oh
Oh my god, it was awesome. It was awesome first time always faced time and
The first time he was like at Sun Valley. He has like a big Sun Valley home in Idaho and
And his one of his assistants picks up first, you know, I mean case they called the wrong number whatever
He's like, hey town. I'm gonna hand you over to Arnold and I was like great
And then Arnold grabs he's smoking a cigar. Yeah, yeah, yeah sitting in this huge desk like just lean it back
Yeah, and he's in front of a six foot tall oil painting of himself from the
He's like
That's the before this is the after
Oh, wow, I'm best amazing every interaction has just been like wow and then like because what I would be scared of is
Yeah, he's such a big star. Yes. Did you give him notes?
Yeah, yeah, and he and he was like just tell me what you want. Yeah, let's get it. Let's do wow
That's fucking great. He was such a congratulations. That's amazing. What's a movie called killing Gunther killing Gunther check it out guys and
Then you just did a movie with Kevin Hart. Yep, and those guys Tiffany Haddish Kevin Hart
Al-Madrigal did us and Rob Riggle. Yeah, that's amazing cast. It's a really what's that called?
It's called night school night school next September amazing. Yeah, and you're doing some other shit, too
We'll talk about later. Okay. Thank you so much, Jared. I really appreciate it. I love you, and I'm happy to see you
Will we be back? Well, yes, we will be right back guys
Hello guys, and we are back Taryn Killam is awesome. Yeah
So nice
I'm surprised we didn't ask about his movie to the very end. I know I was like, uh, I want to hear more about the movie
I was like killing Gunther. We should talk about the dog Putin Pete. Good. Yeah. Do you want to sit down and talk with us?
Yeah, um
I wanted to expand on the the fights a little bit more as we couldn't it's hard
I
Mean I have guilt when we talk about UFC when there's somebody who's like, you know, not
People do all the time
Yeah, the coding till TJ
Well, Bobby was happy about that. I was very happy about that. I'll tell you why I guess correctly too because
If you look at if you look at the way T.J. Dismantled
Hennan Borough twice. Okay. You have to remember Hennan Borough was
pound per pound when the most dangerous men on planet earth people at that time
We especially before the first fight. No one thought that they they could beat that he would lose
and
And he just he picked him apart
him in Dwayne Ludwig when Ludwig was first training him and
and also it's like
You know when he lost the belt to
Dominic Cruz it was people a lot of people thought that he won that fight. Yeah, it was very close
They say was close 50-50. That was his only loss in a while, right?
And then Dominic went all five rounds with Cody, right?
Garber and went to decision. Mm-hmm. And in my head, I'm like
Yeah, it's a death five rounds in my head. I'm like, you know what I find I I mean, I love Dominic Cruz
San Diego guy, whatever, but I think he is better at angles better at movement. He's got a he's a he looks
You know, like when Dominic does it it looks loopy and you know, his body kind of goes in a you know
I mean like a but like I think TJ is a little more crisp crisp, right?
I just never I didn't think that he could lose and also I don't give a fuck that he was an alpha male guy and
Then he wanted to move on let him move on. He's he's a fucking American citizen could do whatever he wants to he's
Uh, I think it could have gone either way and if they were to rematch
I still think it can go either way
I think those guys are so equally matched and you know, he TJ was hurt in the first round. Yeah, really hurt. I
I'm sorry Cody Garbratt is good. He's amazing. He's amazing, right?
But in terms of skill, I think they're equally matching. I think she does more tools more tools
Because he kick I feel like his comments to kicks. I've never seen a punch or kick once
Yeah, I think they're still pretty evenly matched up and co
I don't think Cody is wrong in saying that he feels like he's he's a better fighter. I I I do think that he moves
Extremely well and it could go I it's one of those fights that it can go either way
You're not wrong in picking or in predicting either fighter to win. Mm-hmm. And then the championship fight
Uh, I guess GSP has to fight Robert Whitaker now. I hope he doesn't die. I don't think he should. I
Have you seen Robert Whitaker? Not lately. We don't even know who he is. He's new. He's like, bro. He good
Yeah, he's in a minute. Stop. Nope. I was keeping the conversation going Bobby. He said why though?
Who's Robert Whitaker? Where's he from? Who cares? Why are you trying to test?
Not very well known yet, but he's a he's interim champion. I'm sorry
You know what? You're right. You're right. I was keeping the conversation going. All right. I'm sorry
I was expounding sorry. All right. Yeah, say what you said again
Tell us more about
He used to be he used to be a 170. Yeah far Stephen Wonderboy Thompson would then do didn't fair as well there
He went up in 185. He's he's amazing and he's our he's one of my favorite fighters and I think he's just so I
I look GSP at his peak peak peak younger. I think that would be a pretty fun matchup
Very fun, but you know, he's he looked amazing. He looked great and he actually
Exceeded my expectations of him a lot more aggressive in the past
But I think what Robert Whitaker is one of those guys where he's in the he's in the octagon and you can see him thinking
He be his IQ is so high. What's it? Soza? What's his name? Soza? Yeah, Jacker a Jacker a soja
Soja soza whatever his name is
Who in itself?
Who in itself is a feat, but then he beat what's his name your Romero your your Romero
Right, which is like a demigod a demigod. So it's like
Because you your Romero was oh my god. This guy's the next champion
Whitaker went through him. I mean Whitaker was broke his foot and he
He just is amazing this kid
He's a future. He's a future. Right. Yeah, that's the feeling I have when John when I first saw John Jones
I feel the same way about Whitaker. Hmm. Yeah
But we talked about the Johanna fight so yeah
That was honestly and I'm glad that happened I'll tell you why because number one it's gonna make
Johanna
So much better. Mm-hmm
It's like if you ever watch the Bones Brigade documentary about
Tony Hawk Tony Hawk and
how
He was getting really depressed. He wanted to quit skateboarding at a time at one point when he was young
And then Rodney and then Rodney Mullen
Tony and Rodney were talking. He's like you seem happier Rodney and Rodney goes
Yeah, I just don't compete, you know, I don't do those competitions anymore. I don't I just skate, you know like
Tony Hawk as soon as he stopped wanting to take first place at tournaments, he would still do them. Yeah, but it's okay to take fifth
Then the fun and joy came back into skateboarding for him. I
Think the same is gonna be with Johanna. It's like, okay. I'm not undefeated. I can lose
I'm gonna have fun that pressure of being champion that pressure of being perfect and undefeated is a lot
It's a lot to handle for somebody and I think that we're gonna see a Johanna young che cheque. That's gonna be
much more
gruesome yeah, and beasts like I was just very much annoyed with people who had never who don't know
Yoana, this is the first time that they're seeing her
They don't know what she's done for the sport and they see because of things like hood clips or you know on Instagram
They see snippets of this girl who is staring down and you know acting
You know selling selling the fight basically that's not her character and yeah
And then they they're like oh she deserved to lose, you know, she's she like she she didn't have humility
So she deserved to get knocked out. It's like these are the people that have never watched a fucking
Strawweight fight in their lives. They see it on Instagram now. They have an opinion and she deserved to get knocked out
I hate that anyone that does that. I have a message to you boom
Put your face in a fucking cows fucking dickhole
I'm sure I could have come up with something even better than that that was interesting
But I that's what happened. Okay, this chick has been instrumental for the sport and weight division. There is no
Better example of a great champion than you want to you J. If you think that chop your fucking dick off and send it to Mars
And I think
It's better and rose we've always loved Rose. I've loved her since the ultimate fighter and I am
Excited for her. I didn't think that she was going to end it in that fashion
But the fact that she did means that she's serious. She's at the top of the game and now it's exciting
But it but it's not that it's also what you think about it
It's why I watch why I love the sport because you don't know
Yeah, it's unpredictable you watch boxing and you know fucking, you know, Mayweather can do he what he does
for 512 rounds of a the rings large
He knows that he can you know, but with fucking mixed martial arts
There's so many different ways that you can go down, right?
that
No one will ever stay undefeated forever
It's just too many elements against you, you know, that's why I love watching it. So
That that fight was literally a life-altering experience for me all those fights were yeah, no, especially Johanna one
I want to really got to me. I was that one made me realize this do anything
That anything's possible your heroes are not safe, right?
I love you on and I can't wait to see her come back. Thank you
Her reaction has been so good to afterwards like this very she's you know what here's
She was gracious. She was emotional about her thing
But she was like look this is the risk that I take being a fighter and there's no shame in that
Rhonda lost to Holly you couldn't see her
She didn't do any interviews. She got snuck onto a plane. She snuck out of Australia severely injured to she broke her jaw
Okay, but still straight to the hospital. That's why GSB wasn't at the post-fight conference
Okay, but after Amanda Nunez you couldn't see her after that, right?
No, but as you see what you hear what you want to said
Yeah, because the the the guy was like, why are you here usually when you lose?
You're not obligated to come to these post-fights. She's like bullshit
She's like, you know what you're gonna get the best and the worst of me on my uptimes
You're gonna have me on my down times. You're gonna have me cuz I'm a professional. That's what made me
I was like, wow or even more. I love her. I love her. Yeah, and I rose but rose deserve that win
I know but I'm gonna say this. Yeah, I swear to God
That rematch if there is one I feel I'm gonna feel bad for Rose. Oh, you think roses that I think that you want it's gonna come back
Hey, I think Rose is going
Every fight that I've seen her since her each one is exponentially better
I think that she's gonna be a freak of nature
She's so agile that girl. She's very bright. Yeah, she's evolved and she's finally gotten she's able to
Harness all that motion. Yeah, because when she was on the ultimate fighter
That was her main thing when she fought like Carlos Carlos bars up championship
She she was a little weak or just not mature minded where little elements outside elements like got to her
She's very sensitive, but now she's like no, she's a total boss now. Yeah, she came in her eyes
Look so dead. Yeah, you know, she like she said she prepared for everything
She knew everything you want was gonna do to try to get into her head and she came prepared for it stone face
Yeah, now now the challenge is this because you know when you're when you're a champion you the your media obligations go up
Everything else goes up and if she's a sensitive bird
You know that can affect her that can't and I think it affects everybody differently. Well, you'll run us back in Poland
Yeah, and she deserves a lot of family. She's a girl a little boy. You will never
Dogies, you'll never never listen to this, but we love you so much and we're your fans
Oh, you're one of my favorites of all time. Yeah, you're up there with me and but that was a life altering
I'm glad I saw it because it changed my life. Yeah, it really did it made me go. Oh my god. I might win an Emmy
You can win Emmy
Anything can happen
You have to think about it. Everybody's got a puncher's chance
That's what that's what that fight puncher's chance because when she when I saw it. I felt I didn't know how it ended up on the ground
You know, I was on a cement ground
looking up at the stars
Just questioning everything
Questioning my life questioning life in general my ideas about life
It was really amazing is inspiring inspiring. That was fucking amazing. It was the best night of fighting
I've ever seen every every card everyone that was there too and everybody who says they don't like you know
You wanna being we know how she is during those stardowns
You're you're really stupid. You don't know her you this is that's the reason why you watched it
That's the reason why it compelled you I think she will and I think you should stay herself
That's also a mental game. You can't like get it like that's part of the whole match
Just starting no when she when she fought Carla as far as I she didn't really do that just she did she did the whole thing when she goes like
She goes under the case. You know, she was she was a little bit okay before that
I mean against the first Claudia against all the she that's not her. She does this thing that she does
Yeah, right. I think that she's gonna find a pocket a different personality. That's gonna be still aggressive
But a little bit more stoic, you know, I think that's done. I think she's gonna be different
Whether it's to sell the fight or the mental game judge people by how they act after the fight
Yeah, but she's like she's she's the most gracious loser exactly
Yeah, it was amazing. She's the best. I love her and I love Rose. Good job girls. You were the best fight of the night
Yeah, for sure. Oh my god. That was amazing. Anyway, hey shows for Bobby. Clilo. Yes this weekend Bobby will be at American Comedy Company in San Diego
By your tickets now
Oh, he's yelling he's stealing it the dog. Oh, okay. No, he's cat. No, he's doing
He's practicing his lines. Yeah
November 30th to December 2nd yuck yucks in Vancouver, Canada
BC
BC, right?
I always get confused my with my abes and bc's and
But it's BC BC. Come on Clila. Those are the shots, right?
Yes, and then the week two weeks after that Levy live in Oxnard, California
You can go to Bobby Lee live comm for more dates. Cool George shout outs. Oh, I got a shout out
Gilbert like this one to Cala dendi 369 on reddit fuck face. He found Gilbert's a great silent acting skills, so
You can go to the reddit to see or you cannot
See I post it. Can we post it? Oh, yeah, it's right
I look my mom even called me like I would say like three years ago
She's like before you move to LA make sure you call that your friend who posted those videos
I was like, no, I know I was gonna see that stuff like but I would email him when he won't take them off the internet
Okay, you two hasn't forever in case you don't know it's a Gilbert playing a mime for three and a half minutes, so
It's an acting gem guys. You have to learn how to act at that under under reddit
Look for future Oscar winner. That's the title. It's also a fat bird, so
God, I got a we got a post it on our get off. Yeah
Quick shout out to Chris and Dave from congratulations. Just met them super nice guys shout out again to a reddit user fungus foot for a
He wanted to correct Bobby's
Take that Jerry Lee Lewis did not get in trouble actually Jerry Lee Lewis
Did get in trouble for marrying his cousin he did yeah
Oh, dude, Jerry Lee Lewis was married his third marriage at 22 was his 13 year old cousin. Oh
If you just look this guy has an interesting life just by marriages third marriage
That was the second longest marriage I think from of all of them
And
Yeah, it kind of tanked his career
For a while, but he's still like he still had a career. Yeah, but it did went down from like what he could book right right?
He had to return from tour and everything else
There are a lot of good discussions about Tiger belly prom. I think we're getting good feedback that we
How would we do that? What would we do? What would it involve?
It would involve the same thing as
We do the live shows which is like a lottery system. I mean probably not it's so much a lottery
We would probably have to like pick and choose, you know, have people submit something
But we have to how do you get the awkward like asking somebody to the prom that has to be part of it?
And do you have to ask another Tiger belly listener?
Do you have to ask someone outside because imagine someone who doesn't know anything about the podcast show up to an adult prom?
It's just weird. I mean, but prom king and queen are Bobby and I so no one can win that. Okay. Whoa, you cannot vote
Oh, let's do it run her up. You could be the prom prince
and then you can be I
Just wanted like Steve Harrington. Oh wait, hold on. We should we should have a prom court though
We should really be a prom court, but if no one knows each other, how's everyone gonna vote based on we'll do like interviews for the top?
for
the dance off
Yeah, but your peers are supposed to vote you into
into king, you know
Anyway, how would we do it? We would get like a hall, right?
You'd rent out a hall the Ritz Carlton. Yeah, and we would have a red carpet with like a little area
We can take pictures and stuff and it would just be our own, you know little party
It would be for sure weird. It's cool. Let's just sell real tickets. Let's essentially make this a Tiger belly prom theme
Let's get like a legit famous DJ like Steve. Oh, yo, key. Oh, I'll try to do how Bobby does it was Steve. Oh, okay
Oh, okay, okay. Oh, okay
um
Yeah, we can throw around some ideas, but let us know you guys think George desperately needs his prom you guys remember in high school
He only had a banquet. Oh, yeah, hoppa. Yeah, hoppa
Message me
Like she'd had the same experience as me
La Sierra the same banquets that was
Okay, anything else George I see your notes from here. It's very large. It's a lot. Nah, no reverse shout out today
We'll just skip that request. What was the right shot out bitch cuz clouds shut you down earlier
Oh, which reverse shout out. I had a couple Dorothy for going around the your party telling everyone that she saw me at the mall
Oh, yeah, you were at the oh, it's like the first time I've been to a mall in a year
But why is that a bad thing if Dorothy saw you well?
Why did she with she seemed like it was a bad thing and lay everybody was laughing that I was at the ball
No, I had because I just imagine you and all white at a mall. It's creepy. That's a little weird. I know baby
You brought them home from right aid
I want to do a shout out to Dorothy because she got me some so and panties from the Philippines
Oh, those are from her. Oh, yeah, and if you don't know what so and panties are they're basically
You know and in the Philippines or anywhere here. I think they have the Avon lady or like the Tupperware lady who like sells
You know products in your home, they had a so-and-lady which she basically comes with boxes of underwear and you choose which panty
You're going to buy but the designs are very old-school. It's like full-on granny underwear
That's the most comfortable thing ever and she got me a whole box and then reverse shout out to Jessica for stealing out of that box
What she saw them. She's like, oh hell no and she just took them. She's like, I'm taking a few because they're so amazing
So Dorothy, you're the best. Oh reverse shout out to my to my appetite
I
Decide I was eating so healthy and then I took a small bowl and I just filled the whole thing with potato salad
I went to a room by myself and ate it wait at our party your party, but that's sweet potato salad
It's it's just I shouldn't have ate a bowl of it
But the sweet potato salad that my sister makes is very healthy
Then I had a bunch of chips whatever yeah, what else
I took the whole layer
I had a reminder zipper crude.com slash belly for all your hiring needs
Oh, I'd want live final thing. I'm not no more stickers
Some people who are like just starting at the beginning of the episodes are still messaging me for sticker
We're gonna stickers. We're gonna be selling them with the next batch of merch coming out soon
Also a new batch of merch very very soon
So keep that in mind when you think of holiday shopping for your loved ones and by very very soon
Disclaimer that can be from two days from now or three months
Definitely before Christmas very very soon before black Friday
Yeah
Relax
What the hell
It better be ready before black Friday
Well
My word is my life. I don't promise anything until I know the date
I get the date back at the factory from the factory. Oh, that's right. I collide
Okay, never mind
We're getting more special things. There's a longer turnaround for some of these things
I'm sorry. Yeah, I want to just accept you guys
You know, I just say whoo. Okay, we're all for okay. All right guys. That was a weird ending
Bye
Five four three two one
Blast off
Let's be going through
What is that?
Wormhole
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah
I'm through
Bobby
No, that's enough
Enough
You fucking flat face fuck
Thank you so much
Sorry my bad
You fucking filipino
Filipino?
Everybody welcome to the tagging barely podcast and I'm so excited today because um
We have a guest but I want to introduce the people in the room before we introduce the guest we have um
I'm so sorry for saving saying that which one calling you flat fat face. That was rude up front
Oh, that's okay. I can open that way. It's accurate. You're a human
Thank you. You don't look it but you are
I'm pretty sure
Okay, we got um Kalilah my girlfriend. Yeah
Yeah baby ka ka ka all day every day Hollywood nights 2017
Shit
We got Georgetown U.S. A.S. A.K.A. She's fucking carve your skin and make lamp shits
Oh, okay
We got right here we got skin skin and then when I oh
Skin skin skin
Skin skin right here with this nose
With this nose poking my fucking brain right now I'm out of my mind and shit
Yo dude
What do you mean?
His nose poking my shit from behind
Bro stop poking his shit
Kinetically in shit bro
And we got dude um we got Terran kill him
Give him a round of applause everybody
Aw
Thanks everybody I just met
That's so nice. Thank you
Oh my god
You know when Ali Madrigal goes would you have Terran kill him on your podcast?
I didn't think we could even get you
Come on
But could we know each other
Yeah, I consider you a bud
Do you not is that not
It's not even a bud though
You know what I consider you
Yeah
Like you and I went to Nom together
Sure
Yeah
Like you know like when you don't see somebody from Nom for a while
Uh huh
Right
Well I mean I've seen Miss Saigon so I think I did it
Yeah yeah
Yeah
I mean I know you do have never been to Nom in a war situation
Not nice I have a lot of Canadian friends who vacation there now
Oh yeah yeah yeah they love it
That's what it's become
Are you Canadian?
Because
Oh god
That's good
Oh no
They're great
Oh no
For you and I
People don't know this
And if you do you don't but let me tell you
Unlearn what you have learned
And unlearn okay is that
When I my first show with some people a lot of people know
Was Mad TV and I tested
To get on the show with Terran
It was just you and I right
Yeah just us
Which one would we want gook or regular white
You know whatever
Right
Yeah yeah
I'm sure that's not what they say said in the room
How old were you?
19
Damn
Wow and how old were you?
30
Whoa
Why does that get the bigger reaction?
Which is you know a white 19
A white 19
Yeah
Yeah yeah
In Asian years
Same age same age
No we hung out because we met
They brought us in for rehearsals too and we met there
We went to Hollywood Center studios and did that whole
Like studio session thing
So it was either you or him then
No
No
Oh it was not like a
We tested we auditioned rehearsed and then tested together
We played video games afterwards
That's right at the lot
It fawks at the time they had like two or three
Like upright video you know
Yeah
We want to be at watch games
Yeah
And we just played in the lobby after testing
I know
And then Sonic Cole in the parking lot
I feel like she was like you guys both did great
Don't worry about it
Oh my god
And then I got called that day
I did too
Yeah
But I didn't see you again until Virgin Megastore
Do you remember that?
No
I ran into you but like a week maybe two later
At Virgin Megastore at Crescent Heights and Sunset
And I didn't know if you got it
And I was like hey
Oh really?
Yeah
Oh you didn't even
Alright you didn't know
And I was like hey
I got it
Yeah yeah yeah me too
Oh wow
And I was like oh
And then the first thing you said is
Have you used it to get laid yet?
And I said no
No
Well yeah
I think I probably my voice cracked
This is before
No
Have you?
And you're like yeah yeah yeah
Three times
Oh really yeah
Yeah
That's it
Oh my god
Some people do impressions
Yeah yeah yeah
Exactly
Yeah yeah yeah
Oh my god
I hate it
I hate it
Perfect
It's so perfect this guy
Wow
Yeah wow
Oh my god you almost fucking
Killed me just now
But bro
Don't ever do that again
Can I
No
You're so good
And then so
There was no internet back then
No
You couldn't
Research
You couldn't google like
Karen Killon
News
Yeah
Yeah
And the first thing I read
Was TV Guide
They like announced it in TV Guide
And it was like
Wait like a hard copy
A hard copy
Yeah exactly
Like a three quarters rectangle
Did they have internet?
I don't remember
They did
But it was like
Yeah exactly
Was dial up
Yeah yeah yeah
Yeah well
And oh
That's something came out of there
And then
You were skating
Amanda Bynes at the time
That is true
Yeah
But this is
You don't talk to her anymore
I know
No
We were
Dating
A little over two years
And then she wisely
Broke up with me
Wow
Because we were very young
That destroyed you
I was very sad
Very sad
Really?
Yeah
Yeah
Oh my god
Very very sad
Because I remember
Because she would show up to her
Like
She came and would hang out
And hang out and stopped
And I'd be like
Oh she's so
In fact
Every time I would run into her
After that
Yeah
She was so sweet
She's just the nicest
Nicest
Loveliest
Charming
Funny
And imagine them
At that age
Power couple
Her show
Yeah
It was sort of my first job
Out of high school
Wow
I remember
I was so good
Yeah
So good bro
It was fun
Thanks man
It's a testament
I'm standing here
Yeah
Look at this is getting
Serious
Serious
It's a testament to your talent
That you're able to go from
Nickelodeon
And also do two sketch shows
That only two really
That was on at the time really
You know
It really is a
It's amazing
Thanks buddy
How do you feel about that
It's nice
Good
Accomplished
Alright you go
I'm the shit or no
No
I would never do
I would
I look and I go
Sit down
I'm gonna sit again
Okay
I said the wrong answer
You gave the wrong answer
You gave the wrong answer
I wasn't happy with that
Yeah I'm the shit bro
I'm the shit
No
I go
That's
That's pretty cool
That's impressive
Yeah
So we did a year
And it was
It wasn't
But we did like
Like 13
Right
Because we get hired for four
And then
A little bit later than us
That's what I said
Fiori
Fiori
That's right
And it was like in the first
The first 13 episodes
We would overlap
So you and I only did like
Two episodes together
Yeah
And then you'd do it too
With Catherine
And then you'd do two by yourself
It was so weird
Yeah it was so weird
And also it was
Like almost
Like they weren't
You know
You think that you were
You're inviting to this family
And then you know
Because there's guys that have been
On the show for a very long time
And it doesn't feel warm
Sure
You know
Like some people are like
No
Yeah
Like hi
You go good morning
They go no
Yeah
No thank you
Then you go
Okay
For sure
And then some people
Aka Will Sasso
The best
Is the best
Here's a guy
Who is warm
Canadian
Canadian
And in
You know
My opinion
I'm sure I'm biased now
Liking him
The funniest too
Oh yeah
100%
Yeah
One of the funniest
Yeah
In fact
When I was there
Like a month in
He was like
Just come to my house
There's a barbecue
And like that kind of thing
Without that
Gesture
Yeah
I might have not survived
Totally
Yeah
There was
Like I can count on one hand
The people who went out of their way
Mike Hitchcock was one for me
Oh he's the best
The best
He really looked out for me
Yeah
But I saw the show after
Yeah
This was very kind of me
One of the best
Jennifer Joyce
Yeah
Scott King
One of the best
There we go
Everyone's the best
You're saying the best right now
I did the best
Yeah
I mean
All those guys
Even like
Lauren Dombrowski was my
Yeah
Yeah
Same
Same
I loved Lauren
Me too
But
So then you did 13
And then that was it
I did 13
And they asked me back
But wanted to
Ask me back for 17
Of 22
To be the full 22 or whatever
And my reps at the time were like
You don't need it
Forget them
That's insulting
And I listened to them
Was that regrettable
Or no
Probably not
At the time it was tough
Yeah
Because even 17
Is like a serious salary
For a 20 year old
Yeah
I'd left college to do the show
And couldn't really get back in
So like my parents were a little bit like
What the fuck
Why are you saying no to work
Yeah
Long term
It worked out good
Amazing
Yeah
Because when you left
Then they brought
Ike and Josh Meyers
Right
And that's where my pain started
Because these two kids
Like if you don't know
Josh is Seth Meyers' younger brother
Ike Bernholz is on the Mindy project
And
On everything
And on everything right now
And they were
They worked together
They were a duo
They auditioned together
Right
You're so smart
You know everything
I just know the facts
About that stuff
Yeah
About sketch
About the two sketches
I paid attention
And they
And the writers
Knew them too
Right
Sure
And I was a stand up
And I didn't know how to do it
Yet
I still might not know how
I still might not
I could even
You know how they say
That old term
Fake it to you make it
I couldn't do that
Well I mean like
We attempted a couple of times
I remember us trying to like
Write a snowboard sketch together
Please tell me how that works
Like snowboard
Yeah
Well also because we didn't have
Real dressing rooms
We were in a trailer
Outside of the building
That's right
We were in like
Is that where the new kids?
Yeah
100%
Yeah
100%
Everybody else had like
And again
Sasso
It was the year that the Tenacious D album
Came out
So I would go into his
Dressing room
And he'd play the songs
And we'd sing him again
Oh wow
Yeah he's the best
Yes
That was
That was the year where
I remember my first sketch was
I played Jackie Chan
Of course
And Debra Wilson played Chris Tucker
Right
Okay
And Will Sasso was Lance Bass
And we were on his talk show
Sounds like Matt TV
This is back in the day
We were like Matt TV sketch
We can't just throw him in the fucking bowl
You know what I mean
Mix it
Let's see what happens
And I remember like
He's on the cover of people right now
It's a sketch
Oh really?
I feel like those people would probably be
I would be amazing
They should do that movie or whatever
They should
So they had me on
They had me in early
I was the earliest guy for the call sheet
But I was the last sketch
This is back
You know they had to put the prosthetic nose
Yes
This is back in the day when you're new
Otherwise you wouldn't have looked like
Jackie Chan
Was that a racial dig there, Tertar?
No, no
Listen I was just saying
I had a killer Chan
And that was overlooked
But they had me in early
But then I was the last sketch
Like if I had to do it now
I'm last
I'm gonna come in last
Right
But they could just like
Put me in at five in the morning
Totally
Had me sit there all day
You know what I mean
But anyway
You get the print out
The email
So obviously there's internet
The night before
Of the list
And you'd
Like I would go through
And like
Which part am I gonna read
And the stress of
The table read
The table
Those are the
Yeah
Were they the worst
They were tricky
They were tricky
In what way
Because you didn't get them emailed
They would drop it off at your house
That's right
By mail
No
Somebody would literally
Drive on your house
Yes
And the packets were like
This big
Huge
Yeah
They would read like
45 sketches
And they would pick six
And you sit at like
A last supper table
With all the cast
Right
So you're all like
Side by side
The actor
Relate
And it's just all the producers
And writers
Across from you
And the network
Across from you
Now do people get fired
At these table reads
Like if you're doing
So terribly
Not in my time
They're not in my experience
Well I mean
Not on our show
But you've heard of it
For pilots
For pilots
Frequently
Yeah
Frequently
But here's the problem
Alright so
There's 43
Three sketches
That you get
But you might be in
Four
Yeah
Right
And if they're only going to pick
Six
Out of 43
That would mean
Nothing
And I remember
That's what was hard for me
Is I would go through the thing
Your name's not there
And I would be
Japanese businessman number one
I have no line
You know what I mean
Oh I'm a fucking tree
I'm a tree
Not me
I'm not like
A fucking tree
Yeah
And there was
It had nothing to do
With the sketch
It was just like
You don't know what else
To do with them
Right
You know
And I remember
I just didn't know how to do it
And I remember
Like
Even just stuttering
Were
You know what they did to me
Taren
When you left
Taren
This is what they did to me
When you left
Yeah
What else can you hear
They made
There was a tape
Passed around
To all the riders
Of all my flub lines
Oh
And I was like
A joke real
Kind of a thing
And they were passing around
Every year
It was like
Not
You know
It was like
One of those things
Like
You know how you
Like
Read
Watch YouTube videos
Of like
A lady
Slipping on grapes
And breaking her back
It's my favorite
The classic
The classic
Grape slap
That one
Yeah
That one
Yeah
Yeah
But that was
Like me
And
Then I saw
The tape
Right
No
Oh, that's every scene you do
Right
God
And I was just like
You guys made that
It's a cruel thing
Did you ever find out who the source was
It's tricky because there's also such
Power
And I found this true at
SNL as well
That the riders have this weird power
Where they are determining
The material for the most parts
And with
No
Vocal risk
Right
Like
No
Perceptible risk
Yeah
Because you know
40 sketches
And you can barely remember
But if you're the one
Who has to read it in front of
All of your peers
Yeah
It's a real unfair pressure
And I'm sure like
That was put together
Sort of like
You know
Ha ha ha
Comedy people
Rising and rose
But without the empathy
Of like
What you have to go to
Every week
Yeah
Putting yourself out
Asking everybody on the show
Out to the dance
Basically every week
Yeah
Yeah
Which show on SNL worse?
Um
Well I knew what I was doing at SNL
After Matt TV
All the people
Most of the people who were nice
Came from groundlings
So I started taking classes there
After I left Matt TV
And I started
Taking classes at groundlings
Yeah
So I felt more prepared
And I did feel
Matt TV in some way
Prepared me
For an environment
For a harsh environment
And for critical
And for
Disposable
Creative effort
Yeah
Um
But then you also
Feel the status of it
And that's a different kind of pressure too
Of the institution that it is
And what it means
To be there
I mean just alone
The guest stars on it
I mean that must be just
Sure
I mean you're getting
The cream
Of the pop
Yeah
I was more excited
And giddy
Probably mostly because of my youth
But also
Because the year
I was there
Blink 182
Hosted
And I was there
Amazing
At that point
Tenacious D
And Jack Black
Were there
Lost my damn mind
Couldn't believe it
Um
So like
I was more of a narrative
About that
Because it was also
My first experience with that
Yeah
And you learn pretty quickly
At SNL
To kind of
Get over the
The fame
Element of
Right
Yeah
It's only going to serve you
To treat them
Like a
Right
Yeah
I mean
It was
Certainly intimidating
Yeah
Absolutely intimidating
Um
And overall
Over my whole time
It's weird
Because I saw both
Very good
And very kind
And very
Uh
Complimentary and supportive
And human
Moments
Yeah
And then
Opposite
Very dismissive
Very cold
Very
Um
What felt like
You know
Passive
Punishment type
Moments as well
Like
I mean
Dick Blocucci is not
Even the same element
Right
Dick Blocucci was our
Producer
But they got to the point
Where I could call him
Sure
And go
What's up
You know what I mean
Yeah
Is that
You can't do that with him
I got e-mail
Like that's the closest they got
I got e-mail
But certainly
Like
David Salzman's
Much more accessible
Yeah
Rita
Rita
Yeah
You can approach them
And come to their house
Yeah
I might not end the sketch
I've been four
Yeah
I've been four
Yeah
So yeah
Because everyone I've talked to
You know
If you read
Live from New York
And just some of these
It's just
I wouldn't
I honestly
When I found out you were on the show
I'm like good for you
Him
He's so talented
But
I just know
For me
I just wouldn't be able to do it
It's tough
It's tough
Yeah
You are a sensitive little bird
Yeah
Yeah
I'm a
Paranoid
I'm still paranoid
Yeah
Still paranoid
Oh yeah
Then it would
It would destroy
Yeah
I already
I know
I mean
I could destroy it now
In the simplest things
You know what I mean
Like
Video Village
I can't
I hate it
Yeah
You do a tech
And you're like your
Profiles on Video Village
And then you just imagine
What they're saying about you
I just
Can't fucking do it
Right
See
All those little things
You're doing right now
You're a little like
Crafty fucking throwing up
Fucking
Director tactics
It's great
No you're right
Cash the check
Yeah but I know
Cash the check
Alright Taren
Let me just say something to you
Great
Did you learn that
Yeah
Certainly
Over time
I
In that
What are you going to benefit from
Being paranoid
Or
Are you going to catch him
Like is that
Is that the ideal of that
Is your paranoia
Going to lead you
To catching them
And then you're not made a fool
They're the fool
Because they're caught red handed
And you were
You have the upper hand
For being so
Insightful and observant
Observant
Is that
That's the best scenario right
That's exhausting
And who cares
That's true
Whoa
This is exactly what I needed
Right now
Holy fuck
But let me ask you this though
Because their shit
Isn't your shit
Right
People who make a tape
About you
And put it around and laugh
And it makes you feel bad
That's on them
That's not a judgment
That's not a reflection
Of who you are
As a performer
As a human being
But now
Okay because I brought the tape up
Though right
You could understand though
When you experience
Something like that
Yes
Right
You think in your head
You get PTSD from it
Sure
I believe it
So then I carry that
Into every job
Now I don't
I don't behave
In an erratic way
They don't think
Oh my god
Bobby's paranoid
I keep it to myself
I come home
And she gets it
I mean it's like
They hate me
You know what I mean
But even after last week's
Rap party
It was like
He was there for an hour
And he came back
Just sobbing
No one likes me
Yeah
It's
I know
It's part of
I think
You have
Not you
The royal you
Either have a tendency
Towards that
Or don't
You know
Your chemical makeup
But I definitely
If you're nice
And you're
A good person
And your intention
Is good
Fuck everybody else
Right
Yeah
And you
You may have made
A good point beforehand
It's like
If they're saying
We're moving on
Yeah
You know
It's basically them saying
We got what we needed
Yes
You've done your job
You did your job
Thank you
And we're leaving
I just want them to
Suck my dick every once in a while
But they're not going to do that
I hear you
Yeah
And that's not the job
Not in the current
It's crazy out there
Figuratively
Yeah
In fact
Especially on a scripted show
Where your character is locked
You're hired
For a weekly episodic
Yeah
If they only need two takes
And they say great
Moving on
You did your job
Wow
Right
Yeah
It's their job to
Say to you
We need something different
And if they don't do that
Then either
They're bad at their job
Or they have what they want
And that's on them
That's not on you
Wow
I needed him fucking
I needed him fucking
Two months ago baby
Oh my god
Oh dear
That was not a wet man
That was wet
That was wet
It was a shallow wipe day
I'm at my age now
I really believe
I'm breaking down
46
Yeah
No
I mean I'm almost 50 now
That's not
That's fine
What?
That's fine
I understand by that
But I don't live well
Okay
Well yeah
That's an issue
With the doughnuts
Right and
These snacks
We got a jug of
That's toffee
Okay we have toffee, brittle
I hate that shit by the way
Put the dried mangoes
Chalk full of sugar
Is it?
That's all sugar
Okay that's fine
All right
Lacroix
Right
Lacroix
A cucumber Lacroix
Yeah
Have you ever?
Let me ask you something about Lacroix
Are there sponsors?
No
What?
Lacroix
All of a sudden
This is the thing
For sure
It is
It is the zero calorie
It's the flavoring
But it's still not necessarily great for you
Because of the carbonation
Right for your teeth
In particular
What does that do?
What does it do with your carbonation?
But now
Here's a new paranoia
Now what does fucking carbonation do to your teeth?
It erodes the enamel
Oh my god
Yeah if you
If you are constantly doing it
If you
There's videos online
You can see if you leave a tooth
In soap overnight
Oh my god
Well Bobby doesn't have enamel
You want to tell him?
Oh dear
He has four enamels
Total
Four of these left
Four of these left
Actually have maintained
And the rest are just raw nerves
Just exposed nerves
Just like whale teeth
Okay
Soft gum
Okay
How do you see how whale teeth look like?
It's bailing
It's like little straw
There are just certain things I've learned over time
You can chew meat with gums
You can
It takes a while
And it hurts
But you digest it better too
Maybe
Yeah
But you know back in the day
When you would see like homeless people with no teeth
Where I'm trying to help you
How do they eat?
Gums
Gums
You know
Yeah
As you look at my
I look fine right
You're great
Like my teeth right
You look the same as when we met
And I look different
No you look exactly the same
You look more of a man
Yeah
You're a boyish back then
I was very young
Yeah
But all the teeth that you see are the ones that exist
Don't look sorry
Don't look at your straw
Alright
The back
There is no back
Okay
Yeah there is no back
Okay
Because I don't floss
Yeah
Yeah I brush
But once a day
Okay
And I didn't go to dentist for like 15 years
Right
But you go now
Yes
So do you have super teeth in the back?
No nothing
You haven't done that yet
Gums
Just gums
Just raw gums
I wonder if they can put just one giant molar
Yeah that's cool
Instead of putting multiple molars
Sort of like a Bond villain tooth
Yeah
Just a long one
They just call him chopper
And he's got like two giant metal things
They're like stimpy
Stimpy from it and stimpy
Like a gigantic block of tooth
Yeah
Back there
Alright
Yeah
That's a great idea
Yeah
Would I have to suggest it to them?
Or do they already have it?
They do that sometimes
When they don't put the proper tooth in the right place
When they implant the teeth
Because they don't want to create gaps
Where things can get in between
Sure
So the cosmetic dentist will usually say
Hey we'll put a bigger one here
Just so there aren't any gaps between your teeth
Whoa
So you can tell them instead of making a molar
Make a giant molar
That's dope
Whoa
Or like have like just one long curved like mouth
Mouth
Mouth
Just a mouth guard tooth
Yeah
Exactly like a mouth guard
Yeah
Just one giant one
Yeah
Like the grills
Like mask teeth
Like Jim Carrey's the mask
Yeah yeah yeah
That's what I want
That's what I want
But do they
Is that the type where they shave down the tooth
When they put it on top of it
And they drill it in
And they have to like drill
Or do they drill it
Those are veneers
When they shave it down to like a stub
Why don't they just do veneers
All the way to the back
But your front teeth are fine
Those are actually
Those have to be implanted
No
What you did
You shaved down the front teeth
Right
Then you put the veneers on top
But make the whole thing
Oh but you add a connection
Extend it
Extend it
Extend the teeth
We can ask
Let's ask that
I can truly inquire for you
Let's contact a dentist
Let's ask that
You have two kids now
I have two children
I can't fucking believe
I know
What are their names
Shaylin and Joelle
Ooh
Joelle's a boy
They're both female
Girl
Joelle is a girl's name
Joelle
Joel
Joelle
Jolyne, that song Jolyne
Jolyne, Jolyne, Jolyne
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Are they twins?
No
Eight and three years old
You have a fucking eight-year-old?
Yeah bro
Yeah bro
Wait, wait, so
When I am your age
She will have spent a year at college
Oh my fucking god
This is blowing my fucking mind
Out of the water right now
I know, I know
Yeah
You should have done that, huh?
Get it out of the way
We're a little behind on the game
But that's okay
We aborted too
Literally cling the game
Every time
He loves it
No, we're never going to announce that again
We're not going to announce it again
But my point is that
So before you got SNL
You had your first daughter
Correct
So how did that
So you were living in LA?
Yeah
And then
My wife was on a TV show here
How I made my living
So, yes, exactly
And so for the first four seasons
I was flying back and forth between
Every hiatus week
I'd come back to LA
Oh my fucking god
For four years, yeah
There's a ton
Wow
Yeah
And so you come back for a week
Correct
So you would shoot three weeks
And then, or how does that work?
It mixed it up
Yeah, like three on one off
Two on two off
It's all choppy off
Right, right, right
And then you come back
Yeah
And then spend a week
Correct
And then you have to go back
The worst
Yeah
The worst
And did they pay
I don't know how much you made
But like in the beginning
I will tell you this
You can say it if you want
I made, starting on SNL
Yeah
$3,000 less a week
Than we initially got paid on Matt TV
Ten years earlier
And I know that number
Really
Yeah, that's insane
But anyway, huh?
Yeah
See, do they put you up?
They give you a relocation fee
So like a one time
And if you have kids
It's a little bit bigger
Damn
Oh, wow, that's insane
Yeah
And they can do that
They do it, yeah
You say people go to the comedy store
And they go
Wow, look at this lineup
Right
How much are you getting paid?
$15
Right
And people can't believe it
Why do you do it?
It's just you have to do it
To compete
Yeah
Because you do
And you go
This is going to be beneficial to my life
Because in the long run
You're going to make so much more
I mean, that's just the beginning
Right
And it did so much for you
The opportunities that have come
Right, it changed your life
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I mean, you became like the guy
My job
Yeah, the funny white dude on SNL
Yeah
And it gets so funny
Because, you know
You and I
Yeah
Let's whisper
You and I haven't
You know, run into each other
But then you got on that
And then I was just like
Maybe he'll forget about me
No
You think that in your head
Like, oh, they're in a different club
You remember when we were to that CAA party
I'm like
This is the clubhouse
Yeah
Got it
Like, now I'm starting getting invited
To the club again
Okay
Because I was out for years
So I was holding her hand
And we were walking
And the music was playing
And you get the little foods
You know what I mean
And you go, whoa
I got to invite her back into the club
Right
And so you think that when people go to the clubhouse
They forget, but they don't
Yeah, no
Not Taryn
Why are you not looking at me, babe?
You're just a difficult face
To forget altogether
Just your shape
Your overall shape
It was a very
It was an intimate experience, I think
Us getting hired on that show together
And I would go
And see you perform at the comedy store
And I'd never done that
And watching you do your thing
And then hanging out in the parking lot
After work, you know
Yeah
It was so many firsts
So intense, so exciting
Yeah
You know when we
I'm not going to name the name
But you and I were at the testing for the show
Yeah
We had the studio at Hollywood Center Studios
And there was an actress there
Who, when we left
I go, are you going to test?
She goes, nah
I'm asking for 10 grand
That's what she said
At the time it was about $6,500
Yeah
Or $5,500
I think $7,500 is what I remember
That's what you got
Okay
This has been Tiger Belly
I got $6,500
Right
And she goes, I need 10 grand
Right
And she never tested
She asked for the money and they said no
Right
12 years later
I met a restaurant
And she was my waitress
And the first thing that she said to me
Not even high
Was
I shouldn't have taken it
I should have taken it
Wow
Damn
So it made me want to cry
Sure
Because it's like
One ego decision
Like that
You know, he didn't go back to Matt
I think we were all fine
He's a young guy
He's talented
He had already done stuff before that
But with her
It was the first thing
I just don't think you can make those kind of decisions
Especially now
Now it's so difficult
You think so?
There's so much more to do now
Yeah, but you don't
It's harder to make it
It's harder to make it
I think it's harder to make it
But you look at like
What are the brothers that do videos on YouTube?
Logan Paul
Logan Paul
Well, the Pauls
Yes
Yeah, you're right
Yeah, you're right
You won
You won
You won
You won that one
Come on
Yeah, you won that one
I know
It's ambition
It's always ambition
It has hard work and ambition
Always
But Paul, I don't know the two you're talking about
But that's lighten the bottle shit, right?
They don't
I mean, like everyone
Here's the thing
Everyone's got it
Well, what it is is
YouTube guys
YouTube guys and that sort of celebrity
Is all about access, right?
They're willing to give
All of themselves to their fans
Welcome to my house
Here's my bathroom here
This is my ad
Like they give the address
And like little girls show up
And hang out inside their house
Yeah
And that's a different kind of thing
But they make a very decent living
Very good living
Yeah
And then
But I prefer this style
Now as soon as Mad happened
Did that help stand up?
Didn't that help
Like your booking
Yeah, but what happened was
After Mad
I had a deal
A couple of deals
And I did a couple of pilots
Didn't work out
And then I just slowly
Started not being invited
To getting auditions
You know, I couldn't get
Back in the room
And then
I just was talking to my agent
And he was just like
I don't know how I'm going to make money
It's been a couple years now
And he goes
You got to do the road
And so I started doing the road
And I stayed on the road for a while
And I would headline
And it's fun
You make great money
But it gets to the point
And I love meeting people
And I love, you know
The experience
Some of the experiences
But it gets to the point where
It's really dreadfully depressing
Yeah
Because you're in the woods
Like some clubs
You're in the woods
For like a week
You turn on the TV
And you see your friends
Doing shit
You know what I mean
I don't know why you're laughing
You like my pain
You like my pain
You love it, right?
It's hilarious
I remember being in
Like my friend
I remember being in Nebraska or something
And I remember like
My friend was on TV
And I was in the shitty hotel room
And just tears
Like during the day
It was so hot
It was coming down my face
And going
I'm never
And then what happened was
I just
You just let it go
And you just go
That's not my life now
I had to figure it out
And then once I accepted my situation
I started doing Chelsea lately
And then
Then that one year
I got animal practice
The dictator, a bunch of shit
You know what I mean
And then
It's been fine since then
But my point though is
Is that
I believe that that was good for me
Yeah
Anyone listening now
Everyone listening now
Let me just say something right now
Right
Tune back in
You know
The bad times are good
You learn so much from the bad
Why are you laughing?
You fuck nut
You
I'll fucking whip your
I can't whip my dick on anymore
You can
I know
Don't do that
It was like
We've all seen it
I know
Also true
I know everyone's seen it
I've only seen it in a performance
That's what I'm saying
Like she was saying
Even in performance
Well, just to be
Just to err on the safe side
Since everything's really
You know
Dangerous right now
I'm just saying
You're seen already by a lot
As like someone who's sexually deviant
Because that's the image you
You put out
So let's just err on the safe side
And don't show your
If I'm on stage
Don't show your pubes
And Toki the dumb dumb wants to come out
I can't bring Toki the dumb dumb
No, you can't Toki the dumb dumb wants to stay in
He wants to play though
Yeah, but
Toki's going on sabbatics
He is
Aw, but he likes to perform
I know
Put Toki on a cruise
I'll put him on a cruise
I appreciate it
Yeah, yeah
Okay Toki, you want to go on a cruise
But uh
Alaskan cruise ship
Send him up the Rhine
Yeah
But let me say something though
I'll give you an example
Alright
A stripper
Mm-hmm
Let's just listen
Great
Sure
A stripper goes up
You rest your case
And shows a teddy and a vagina
That's one thing
She's performing
Right
People are there to see that
But if people already know
That I'm kind of a stripper
And I don't touch them in a sexual way
Right
And a sack falls out
You know what I mean
One of Toki's like limbs
Yeah
Okay
It's a part of Toki
Now where was it
What was it in before
What do you mean
Where did the sack fall out of
From the cruise ship
From the cruise ship
No
I have a hole
I have
The sack was in the buffet
Yeah, yeah, yeah
The sack was in the buffet
Yeah, yeah, yeah
That's exactly the way to put it
It was in the buffet
Right
Toki comes out
The sack is up inside of something
What do you mean
Exactly
Yeah, yeah, yeah
No, the sack
I wear clothing
Right
Where Toki can breathe
Got it
Right
They're like windows
Okay
My jeans have windows
Great
And every once in a while
Toki will stick out a limb
And go
Yeah, it's hot
And it breathes
Right
I need to breathe
Through like the potty hole
Yeah, yeah, yeah
The bee hole
You're pulling him out of there
Yes
And he brings a friend along
Yeah
He brings a friend
Okay
I get what you're saying
Yeah
So if Toki's
All right
So Toki peeks his little eye out
Right
Of the little window
Yeah, yeah, yeah
And humans see it
Sure
In a show environment
Okay
Could that get me in trouble
I don't know
I don't know
Toki's not
I don't think it should
But I don't know
Toki's not going
I want to go inside you
That's not what Toki's doing
That's not Toki's character
You would never do that
You would never do that
Right
How do you know Toki so well, Karen
How do you know him so well
Listen
First job
Sharing it too bad
Yeah
You know
We did share it too bad
Michael McDonald won't talk to you
You gotta find something to do
Dude, he didn't talk to me for a while
Bro
Yeah
And then one day
Could I tell you the most hurtful
Thing he did
Yeah
So the second year I was there
And I was friends with Ike and Josh
And I was one weekend
And I called Ike and I go
What are you doing?
Let's go watch a movie or something
Because we're all out in Sonoma
I go, who?
Everybody
Oh, yeah, that's a bummer
And Mike had invited everyone there
And I wasn't invited
That's rough
And so for years
You know, I would be scared of him and stuff
But because eight years
And then like year four or five
We became really good friends
Yeah, exactly
He's been so lovely to me now
Yes, exactly
You know what I like
Guys where I have to earn their friendship
I agree
Sometimes in some situations
I agree
Because it's like, you know, if
You know, you look at guys like
Like back in the day when I was a young guy
Like Dice
You know
You can say, think what you want
But as a stand-up
Dice wasn't inviting
In the beginning
And then once years go by
And he could tell that you're
Not gonna go away
You know, you're a kid
That's maybe like in it
Then one day he's like, hey, Ching
You used to call me Ching
Hey, Ching, how you doing?
And you go, oh my god
You know, if he had done that right away
And he still doesn't know my name
But he still calls me Ching
But hey, Ching, I saw you on fucking YouTube
You know what I mean, whatever
But like, I'm glad that I had to earn his
You know what I mean, respect
Yeah
I prefer when people are just nice
I'll go with that
You know what I mean?
Yeah
You know?
Yeah
That's always a little bit better
But sometimes people don't turn
No, this is true
Some people just stay dicks
Yes
That's true
And I've had to learn that too
You're not gonna like everybody
And not everybody's gonna like you
But in this world there are just fucking assholes
That is true
Yeah, I think there are
Because you've always been a nice guy
But you also have the talent
Just to hear me out
Okay
You're nice
Okay, so you're cute as fuck
That's cool
What?
That's cool
What?
You're welcome
Yeah, thank you
You're welcome
Okay, am I all right?
You're great
Thank you
You're adorable
That's all I wanted
Your hair is phenomenal
Okay, let's move on
Too much
Yeah, I'm pushing now
You're cute as fuck
You're super funny, dude
I'm about to cry
I legit me
I legit me
I would think that
Thanks, dude
All right
And number three
You're sweet
You're a sweet guy
Okay
So when somebody like you
Works, I go
Okay, I get it
He has all of it
You have the same thing
You're not cute
But you're a nice guy
He's down inside, dude
You've done things
George, you're a good dude
You do things for me
And I really like it
What about skin skin?
Ah
Oh
Oh
You know what?
But your nose is great
I love you
I love you
I do
You know what I'm going to say?
Deeper than closet
What I just did
You're a child of God
And you are who you are
And I enjoy everything about you
No, but back to the tape people made
Where they made fun of you
And it hurt your feelings
Do you ever worry that maybe
You do that to other people?
Ooh
I do do it
Now I do do it
Ingest
I think you probably just about
Ingest
Yeah, I do do it
I know
Should I stop doing it?
Only you can answer that
Wow
What are you fucking Yoda now?
You guys great
I'm the fucking 15 years I haven't seen
You fucking Yoda now
You fuck
Holy shit
Has it been really 15?
I haven't seen him in a while
It hasn't been
I mean I feel like we've crossed paths
Either at the store
Or at functions
Yeah, I've seen you
Yeah, I see you
It's nice
Yeah
But I haven't seen him in a while
Maybe you do do that
You do that with all of us
Yeah
Are you able to tell the difference
When you're giving somebody a hard time
Because you're doing bit
You're in bit mode
And when you're doing it
Because there's really some truth to it
Can you differentiate?
Can I just say this?
99.9% of the time
There's never truth to it
Right
I'm never harsh on anybody
If it's not a joke
I do it just strictly on joke
Yeah
On that level
I don't even remember the last time
Where I was really berating somebody
Because I was so angry
That's true
That's true, right?
I mean I
And so
I used to tackle guys
And just like tickle and stuff
In a
In a bro way
In a bro way
In a bro way
Heterosexual way
Cool way
A bro tickle
A tickle their quits
A cool way
It's not cool if you've seen the tickling documentary
I know
And then Polly goes
Polly sure
Polly sure goes
You know you learned that from me, did right?
And I remember
Yeah, because for years
He used to pin me down
Oh, wow
And tickle me
And so
You know, I've learned all this bad behavior
Do you remember that
Like
Like pot commercial
Where the dad standing over the bed
Is like, where did you get this?
Yeah
And the kid goes
I learned it from you
That's you and Polly
That's me and Polly
That's you and Polly
But with tickling
Yeah
Instead of marijuana
Cool
But maybe the tape thing
The tape thing
Maybe the tape thing sparked something in me
Maybe all these little things that
I'm speaking more to
Because I have always found you to be very kind
And very jovial
Very joyful
In my experience with you
Limited
As it may be
Yeah
Never got
Super personal
Always very pleasant
And comedy in itself
Has a cynicism
And has a negativity
And has
Especially comedians
With comedians
I have found
You remove
Tacked or
Or manners
Or, you know
You can get to truths faster
Because you take
You take for granted
Sometimes
For good
And sometimes
For bad
That
We're here
We're here to laugh
We're on the same page
There's an unspoken rule
That what we're doing is
We're getting to the laugh
By any means necessary
And, you know
With an audience
You have to find the line
But with comedians
You, I at least
Speaking for myself
Feel more safe
Breaking the liner
Or pushing it around
Or crossing it, you know
Yeah
And it's a very different thing
That someone who isn't
Existing in comedy
Would hear some of the things said
And be horrified
Like, truly mortified
Right
And you have to then like
Backtrack and go
No, no, no
Understand that this is not
Hawaii
It's kind of a character
And we kind of say it
Because it's not the appropriate
Thing to say
Because that's funny
And it's taboo
And we're trying to shock each other
Yeah
And it's tricky
It is tricky
And sometimes it bleeds over
By accident
Exactly
Right
And you'll say something
And they'll be like
What?
Oh, fuck
Yeah
My bad, you know
Like when I first met
Meals in he goes
Bring out Toki
So I took out my penis
And I did a little show for him
Right
Yeah
And on the
Can I just talk about this?
Or not?
Yeah, yeah
And I would have
I would put the little sacks
With the hand
You know what I mean
He was saying
You know
It's very talented
Sure, sure, sure
Test well
Focus groups like
Focus groups
Style
Style goes way up
All goes crazy
Way up
It's like a baby
Or an animal
Yeah
Like a thing
That you
But then you
You do that
Like
I'll go to
On the road
And some like
Door man will pick me up
To bring me to press
Right?
And I'll poke him in the belly
You fat fuck
You know what I mean
And I'll be like
Oh, my bad
Sorry
Yeah, yeah
I should have done that up front
But hello
Good morning
All through high school and college
Like dead baby jokes
Was a thing
Yeah
With me and my friends
And like
Now I'm a father of two
And there's no way
I can get away with
Doing a dead baby joke
At like their pot luck
For their school
Yeah
I've never heard a dead baby
Give me a dead baby joke
There's
What's
What's grosser than gross
What?
Trash can full of dead babies
What's grosser than that
What?
One's alive eating
It's way to the top
Oh
That was like
Yeah, that's high school
That's a good one
That's a good one
That's dark
I got one
Yeah
But then I
I'm gonna get in trouble
That was a dead baby joke
It's not a dead baby one
It's a pedophilia one
Oh no
I'll just say
I'll say it
I'll just say it
And it's a picture
Oh my god
Of you
I'll just say it
With a kid
I'll just say it
And then you guys
You could delete it
Okay
I didn't write it
This is a street joke
Oh, okay
I didn't write it
It's a street joke
That's another comic
Another comic
I love street jokes
Don't you love street jokes
Give me the classic street joke
What's the best thing about
Being loved to a 12-year-old girl
Nothing?
All right
I'll just go boy
Okay
I'll twist it because you have daughters, right?
What's the best thing?
What is it?
I believe
If I'm recalling correctly from memory
Yeah
Your penis looks so big in their little hands
No
Okay
No
I've never heard that
I've heard that one
I've heard that one
You can use your tears as lubrication
Oh
Pretty good
And that was street jokes with Taryn Tillum and Bobby Lee
Was that pretty good or was it too much?
Yeah
Because that's the worst that you could do
Yeah
But imagine doing it like, you know, anyway
Did you guys read the New Yorker?
Oh boy
Oh, so she's here to switch gears
Segway lady
I love it
Segway lady
I will not that much of a seg because it still has to do with
Well, sort of, not pedophilia but
Weinstein
You hear about, read about his army of spies
On the New Yorker today
No
So it turns out this guy hired
Actual like Israeli intelligence
To go after the women who were making allegations about him
To suppress them
Journalists who were about to
Journalists who were gonna out him
Rose McGowan and a lot of other women
He basically had, it's a company called Blackcube
And it's
It's a great name
It's so cool
I love that app
It's a pretty good name
It's a good app
Have you played Blackcube?
The new Call of Duty on Blackcube has the best graphics
Crazy
That is crazy
That's crazy
So could I as a civilian hire Blackcube?
If you had the money, I'm sure
Oh boy
Don't do that
Come on
Pick up
Come on, second season
Right, right, right
But you know, at the end of the day
I don't know if I've said this before
And I'm gonna tread lightly
I love all of this so much
Is that Harvey Weinstein has a disease
He has a mental disease
It's sex addiction
No, it's abuse of power is not a mental disease
No, he is a bad guy
I mean, he's got all that other stuff too
But at the end of the day, it's also a treatable thing
You don't think it's treatable?
I mean, it's treatable by way of fire
By putting the guy away
Otherwise, he could have done this for the rest of his life
Even if he was actively getting treatment
My belief is when you're so drunk on that power as he was
And he's going through, you know, going as far as to hire
Like Israeli politicians
Yeah, that's crazy
You're right
That's 100% right
There's nothing to defend him about
I'm just trying to look at it in a way of
If he was my uncle
If Harvey was my uncle, what would I have to do to help him?
Harvey, what did Bobby forgot about the uncle role?
My uncle
Oh, well
This has been addressing sex addiction
Yeah
With Bobby Lee
And then Spacey
Dude, Spacey too, it's like
Yeah
I mean, the people that are on the set of House of Cards
Yeah
Are saying
I was telling her in the car
I've been on many sets, all right?
Not to brag
Where's the camera?
That's dope
No kidding
I don't know
I show up
You know what I mean?
They go, go to the makeup, I do it
We need you on set, I go, I do it
And I don't know how you get away with
Squeezing a guy's dick
Like, what?
Yeah
It's a job
Right, right
And then they let him do it
I mean, for years, people just kind of go
I know
Oh, it's Kevin Spacey, that's what he does
Is that insane?
Thank goodness it's coming to light
Yeah, yeah, yeah
I can't imagine
But do you think there are guys like that at Home Depot?
What do you mean?
I think that's a manager at Home Depot
And he squeezes a guy
Everywhere
Of course
Yeah, but that guy would get fired right away
It's because Kevin Spacey is talented
And he's a movie star and all that stuff
People go, I'm afraid
I'm afraid that I'll never work again
This is my dream
Other actors are like, that's what's fucked up about it
He's taking advantages of people's dreams
A young actor who's 14
This is what I want to do for the rest of my life
This is amazing
This guy just fucking grabbed my dick
And he's a man
And he has a lot of power
I just say anything
I can get it
I'm never going to work again
So they get surprised
It's fucked up
It is
Right?
And at the end of the day
Here's the message
Here's the message
Don't do it
You could be gay
You could jerk off or pour away
This is masturbation
That's allowable?
Yeah
Jerk off
Yeah
Just put your dick in a cruise ship
Let it sail away
You really understand the complexity
You know what?
I don't like your tone though
What are we doing at time?
An hour
We are
It's amazing
This is what we do at the end term
Yeah
We do this thing called unhelpful advice
Okay
And people email us questions
I just wanted to say this too
I've had
We've had guests but
You're in the echelons of the top
Oh buddy
You Stone Street
Jordan
It's the same kind of like
I'm just so glad that you did it
Thanks man
Me too
Appreciate it
Me too
But ask the question now
You got it
Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalyla
and Taryn Killham
Alright this question is
Sorry
It's from
What just happened?
I don't know
Second city bro
Derek
Second city bro
Is that a filter?
Is that just
Oh that's just low
That's amazing
Do you
Did you ever watch Mr. Show?
I can't
We're at the end
No you can do whatever you want
Yeah Mr. Show what?
Mr. Show
David Cross
The character
But you don't even need the hand
No
Michael Clark Duncan
That's awesome
That's a great Michael Clark Duncan
That is
Back to Derek who needs help
Sorry
I have a girlfriend that I've been with
for almost five years
and I have three kids with her
Recently she started doing drugs,
meth and drinking
and the next time I seen her
she had hickeys all over her neck
The side of this made me angry
but more than anything
I was deeply hurt
Should I work it out
because we have children together
or should I cut her off
All connection off with her
Wait, stop stop stop stop stop stop
Yep
Read it again
It's so crazy you gotta read it again
I have a girlfriend
Okay I have a girlfriend
That I have been with
for almost five years
Five years
And I
And I have three kids with her
They went fast
Three kids
Damn
Recently she started doing drugs,
meth
Meth
And drinking
Oh fuck that drinking
And the next time I seen her
she had hickeys all over her neck
Either meth scars
or meth bruises
or she's fucking other guys
Decided this
Let's go with hickeys
Let's go with hickeys
Decided this made me
For the kids
I'm trying to be a
I'm trying to be medical
about it
but alright
Decided this made me angry
but more than anything
I was deeply hurt
Should I work it out
because we have children together
or should I cut off
All connection with her
I am lost right now
Help me
You're a fan
Now this is called unhelpful advice
Right
It's usually helpful
I do help
No no no
We do helpful
But you can also give unhelp
Real unhelpful advice
I mean the real is
You gotta contact a lawyer
You gotta
You gotta keep track
of everything that's happening
Get a journal
Get a little moleskin
Keep track of
When she leaves
When she comes back
Let me just do a plug for moleskin
Let's do a little plug
You know what I mean
They got
They got unlined
Lined
Storyboard squares
And also
They have a little
Like a string
Keep your place
Yeah it keeps its place
Keep your place
With a moleskin string
Right
It's leather
And also it's like
What Edgar Allen Poe used
Wow
Alright
Slavery endorsement
Alright
Go ahead
So what
Well you just gotta keep track
And you have to contact
Because you need to protect the kids
Yes
First and foremost
That's the real
Reality
If you've been together five
You have three
None of them are
Older than two years
To and change
You can't work it out
You can't work it out
No I'm not saying that
But I'm saying
Like order of businesses
We need to protect these children
We need to contact
Either you know
Child services
If you need help
Or legal representation
Or family
If you have that
Even if it's extended
Bobby will pay
To have your children
Taken to
A family member
Right
Travel
Even if they're out of state
Bobby will pay
Tax
I'll pay for taxes
Yeah
No
Like the kids
First and foremost
That's the number one
Yeah
And then
Begin the dialogue
Of is she willing
To get help
Is she willing to
You know address
The certain issues
But god
If there's three kids
Get them
I mean
I read an article
This is not to be funny
But this meth couple
They had a newborn
And they boiled it
Yeah
They boiled a baby
Alive
In their stove
Okay that's how delusional
And crazy baby
That's not a good
Bad baby joke
I would have believed
About the disclaimer
Yeah
This is not funny at all
I haven't worked
At the punchline yet
But
They boiled the baby
I would have
I would have gone along
With the fact that
No it's not funny
Without you
Forming me
I don't know what the switch is
To this bit
But
Yeah
Yeah
You gotta
Listen
Some things amuck
Some things problematic
From your short email
How can we possibly know
The specifics
And detail
And backstory
And history of your relationship
But that is not the priority
The priority is not the relationship
It's the children
Yeah
And fuck your own feelings
If you're hurt
That's not the priority at all
Right
It's the kids
Yes
Yeah
Meth is a dangerous drug
And we don't know
How much she's doing it
On what not
But also at the end of the day
It's like
If she has a
A drug addiction
Yeah
And she's
Fucking around
Behind your back
She's
Obviously
She doesn't sound like
She's
Neglecting the children
Right
Unfit mother
Now the funny answer is this
Right
Unhelpful
Recipe for boiled baby
No
Or it's like
Meth pussy is the best pussy
Okay, got it
Because it lasts for a while
Great
But how does pussy last for a while
I don't know how that works
What do you mean for a while
What is for a while
I don't know what happens to pussy
Clearly you don't understand pussy
Yeah
It's just a cavernous thing
No
It doesn't have to
I'm gonna defend my thing
And I'm gonna defend it
What it is is this
Is that
If you
Okay, I was
The job that I'm on
Right
Okay
The show that I'm on
Right
Were you working children
Yeah
But my makeup artist
Is this gigantic bear of a man
Okay
And he's a
He's a
What
And he's here
And he's here
He's in my butthole
Oh my god
I'm so sorry
It's a rough one
It's a rough one
Yeah, it's rough
We got Terran here
Alright
He's an old friend
Anyway
He told me that he was sober
And that he used to do math
And then we talked
Because I had done math
Right
And as a guy
When you do math
You jerk off for like 24 hours
Watching porn
You can even come
But it's not the fact
Of jerking off
Or coming
It's the fact that
You just want to keep doing it
To feel
Yeah, that's what I mean
About meth pussy
Is that she might not like it
But she's gonna want to keep doing it
You know what I mean
Whereas a regular girl
That's not on math
But a boring
Straighted
Boring
Not doing drugs
Yeah, yeah, yeah
That's all my point was
Yeah, yeah, yeah
The sobies
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah
And I'm like
I'm just not feeling it
Let's focus on you
Yeah, but I'm done
That was an unhelpful one
You gotta find a methie
You fucking asshole
That was unhelpful
Yeah, methie
Methie pussy is the greatest
Guys, I'm sorry
I doubted you
Also, I just want to say this too
This is that
You're probably not into the UFC
But we need to talk about it real quick
Yeah, yeah, yeah, do it
I'm sure Callan
Do you hang with Callan
I talk with him a lot
Yeah, I love him
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Most of my UFC viewing experiences
Are through Brian Callan
Brian Callan
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Brian's one of my blood brothers
Yeah
You doubt you have done
Fighter and the Kid yet?
Yeah, me too
It's one of my favorites
Yeah, recent
There's studios a lot
Nice
Yeah, there's
It's different
We could go to a nicer place
We want to stay at home
Lower overhead
Lower overhead
Right, right, right
Right
But last Saturday's fights
I honestly
There were three really good ones
Right
Yes
The greatest card they've ever made
I believe
Mm-hmm
And the biggest upset in the history of UFC
In my opinion
Mm-hmm
Yohana Yunchecek getting knocked up by
Rosnami Yunus in the first round
In the first round
Who is
What did I do, babe?
You were there
Well, we both collapsed on the ground
And stayed there crying
You ran around for a while
A good while
Who she did
You
I did
I ran in the circle
I fell on the ground
I did jumping jacks
I did jumping jacks at one point
And then your brother started like
Hugging each other and flailing
Yeah, we did that
But old move
Yeah
The old move
This is a Korean way
Why is it an upset?
Our favorite fighter is a woman
Okay, so there's this
I'll tell you why, my friend
Yeah
I'm glad you asked me
Yeah
She was 14 and now undefeated
Yeah, that's tough to say
And she was
Just
I mean
It's like
When she won the belt, right?
Mm-hmm
It was like an adult fighting
A five-year-old kid
I mean, that's the difference
Of skill level
Her 14th fight
Of getting the belt
This game
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
So Johanna is 14 and 0
Okay
But when she got
Fought for the belt
The championship belt
Yeah
She was like 7 and 0
Okay
Okay
And when she fought
The champion
She destroyed her
The point where it's like
Oh, my God
She's levels above everyone
Right
And the screw that she fought
Last Saturday
Rose was 7 and 4
Was a record
She had lost a bunch
Yeah
She was young
Yeah
And there was a
What was it?
99 to 1% chance
That she was going
Oh, wow, oh, wow
She was a
Crazy upset
A plus 400
And the way they said
The only way she could win
Is to choke her out
If she got super creative
And chipped her out
Yeah
But that's not how it went down
Mm-mm
It was a clean knockout
One minute
Within one minute
Yeah
Knocked her out
Yeah
The champion out
Right
A girl that everyone thought
Was one of the pound for pound
Best fighters on planet Earth
Yeah
With men including
Yeah, not just men
In general
Yeah
She's one of the greatest
Wow
And this girl from Denver
Just walked in there
And she
Fucking took care of business
And it was
Shocking
Mm-hmm
You know
It's like, you know
It's insane
Rhonda Rousey hosted
After she lost that fight
Oh, wow
And it was interesting
To hear her talk about it
Because she said
What happened was very early on
One of the hits
Knocked out her vision
Right
So she had no depth perception
Damn
So it's like
Sometimes it's just
Something like that
Yeah
She got a fist
To just the brow
And she was just seeing
White in this eye
And then
Had no depth perception
So she couldn't gauge
The reach
My gosh
And that was why
You know
It was over
So fast for her too
Wow
So it feels like
When you're kicking and punching
And hitting in the face
Yeah
It's really anybody's game
But you know what
That's exactly true
Exactly true
It's a puncher's shan
Yeah
And that proved it Saturday
Because I was obsessed
With Johanna
I'm fact
I'm still am
I'm still am
But I was just like
She defended her title
Seven times
Yeah
She's not any less
Of a champion
That's dope
Did it
And it was just
Saw-shocking
And then like
GSP coming back
After four years
Pretty good
Another Canadian we love
Okay
Yeah
Okay
And then
You know
T.J. Dillishaw
Doing what he did
Took care of business
Yeah
It was just a great
Night of bonding
Cool
And it was nice
It feels very close
To the McGregor fight
Right?
Does it
Feel like a big event
Close to big events
You know what you have
What's up
I'm sorry
CGW
Yeah
That is
Just can survive
In any situation
This motherfucker could be like
In the polar ice caps
You know what I mean
And like
With a scientist
And can talk about shell
Like shelving
You want to focus
You want to focus on warming your chest
Right
Because your arms will take care of themselves
You can hang out with MS-13
And they're like
Oh boy
This guy's a fucking gangster
You know what I mean
Man the doctor should have had it
Yeah
The doctor should have had it
He could survive it
He should have had it
He should have had it
He should have had it
It was you Darvish
Come on
Come on
I'm still wearing it
You know what
You know what kind of white he is
GW
I've said it before
What's GW
A good white
No a chindler white
Oh boy
Oh that's something
Yeah
And ask another chindler
Okay
A savior
That's just good dude
Okay
Okay
Thanks man
Back in the day
When that happened
Yeah
A round of applause everybody
Thank you so much for doing it
Check out
Check out
Yeah you have anything to applaud
His movie
Yeah I directed a movie
And wrote and acted in it
With Arnold Schwarzenegger
I saw the trailer
It's on iTunes right
Yep you can get on iTunes and Amazon
It looks so funny
It really does
It's really fun
It's really dumb
And I'm proud of it
What was huge
Let's just real quick
Sure
Amazing
Amazing
Such a pro
You directed it
Yeah grab
So quick
Let me ask you this
Did you
How did you get him?
I had offered it to a different actor
And that actor's agent
Is Arnold's agent too
And the other actors
Maybe I don't want to know who it is
Bruce knows
Okay
Yeah
That wasn't a guess but
Oh sorry
And he said
We gave you Arnold
Bruce thought about it for two weeks
And they said
Would you consider Arnold
And I was like
Yeah
Of course
Yeah
Yes and
No
Only in that
You couldn't have
Before you said that to
Yeah
And he said
They just said
He's doing smaller
Interesting stuff
And looking to do a comedy
And so he read the script
And we talked about it
Wait did you meet with him?
We FaceTime together
Oh my
Oh my god
It was awesome
It was awesome
First time
Always FaceTime
And the first time
He was like at
Sun Valley
He has like a big Sun Valley
Home in Idaho
And his
One of his assistants
Picks up first
You know what I mean
In case they call the wrong number
Whatever
And he's like
Hey Tyler
I'm going to hand you over to Arnold
And I was like
Great
And then
Arnold grabs me
Smoking a cigar
Yeah
Sitting in this huge desk
Like just leaning back
And he's
In front of a six foot tall
Oil painting of himself
From the point
Wow
And he's like
Tyler
That's the before
This is the after
Wow
The fucking best
Amazing
Every interaction has just been
Wow
And then like
He would be scared of
He's such a big star
Yes
Did you give him notes?
Yeah
Yeah
And he was like
Just tell me what you want
Yeah
Let's get it
Let's do another one
Wow
That's fucking amazing
He was great
Congratulations
That's amazing
What's the movie called?
Killing Gunther
Killing Gunther
Check it out guys
And then
You just did a movie with
Kevin Hart
Yep
And those guys
Tiffany Haddish
Kevin Hart
Al Madrigal
Al Madrigal
So it's a really
What's that called?
It's called Night School
Night School
Next September
Amazing
Yeah
And you're doing some other shit too
We'll talk about it later
Alright
Thank you so much
I really appreciate it
Thank you buddy
I love you
And I'm happy to see you
Will we be back, Clal?
Yes
We'll be right back guys
Hello guys
And we are back
Taryn Killam is awesome
Yeah
So nice
I'm surprised we didn't ask him about his movie
To the very end
I know
Yeah
I want to hear more about the movie
Killing Gunther
Yeah
The dog food and peed
Good
Do you want to sit down
And talk with us?
Yeah
I wanted to expand on the fights a little bit more
Since we couldn't
It's hard
What do you mean?
I have guilt when we talk about UFC
When there's somebody who's like
You know, not into it
It's fine
People do it all the time
Hi
Yeah, the coding till TJ
Oh, Bobby was happy about that
I was very happy about that
You guessed correctly
I'll tell you why
I guessed correctly too
Because if you look at the way
TJ dismantled Hennan Borough
Twice
Okay
You have to remember
Hennan Borough was pound per pound
One of the most dangerous men on planet Earth
People at that time
Especially before the first fight
No one thought that they could beat
That he would lose
Yeah
And he just, he picked him apart
Him and Dwayne Lugwig
When Lugwig was first training him
And also it's like
You know, when he lost the belt to Dominic Cruz
A lot of people thought that he won that fight
Yeah, it was very close
They said it was close, 50-50
That was his only loss in a while, right?
And then Dominic went all five rounds
With Cody, right?
Garberant, went to decision
And in my head I'm like
Did it go to decision?
Yeah, it's a death
Five rounds
So in my head I'm like, you know what
I find, I mean, I love Dominic Cruz
San Diego guy, whatever
But I think TJ is better at angles
Better at movement
He's got a, he's a, he looks
You know, like when Dominic does it
It looks loopy
And you know, his body kind of goes in a
You know what I mean, like a
But like, I think TJ is a little bit more
Crisp
Crisp, right?
I just never, I didn't think that he could lose
And also I don't give a fuck
That he was an alpha male guy
And then he wanted to move on
Let him move on
You see, he's a fucking American citizen
Do whatever he wants to
He's a, I think it could have gone either way
And if they were to rematch
I still think it can go either way
I think those guys are so equally matched
And you know, TJ was hurt in the first round
Yeah
Really hurt
I'm sorry, Cody Garberant is good
He's amazing
He's amazing, right?
But in terms of skill
I think they're equally matched in skill
I think TJ has more tools
More tools
Because he kicks, I feel like his comments are kicks
Maybe more experience
I've never seen Cody punch or kick once
I think they're still pretty evenly matched up
And I don't think Cody is wrong in saying that
He feels like he's the better fighter
Better fighter
I do think that he moves extremely well
And it could go, it's one of those fights
That it can go either way
You're not wrong in picking or in predicting
Either fighter to win
And then the championship fight
I guess GSB has to fight Robert Whitaker now
I hope he doesn't
I don't think he should
Have you seen Robert Whitaker?
Not lately
You don't even know who he is
He's new
He's like
Bro, he good
Let me stop
Nope, I was keeping the conversation going Bobby
He said why though
Who's Robert Whitaker? Where's he from?
Who cares? Why are you trying to test him?
He's also not very well known yet
But he's an interim champion
I'm sorry
He's from Australia
You're right
I was keeping the conversation going
I'm sorry
I'm so sorry
All right
Say what you said again
Tell us more about Robert Whitaker
He used to be a 170
Stephen Wonderboy Thompson
Didn't fare as well there
He went up in 185
He's amazing
And he's one of my favorite fighters
And I think he's just so...
Look, GSB at his peak, peak, peak younger
I think that would be a pretty fun matchup
Very fun
But you know, he's... he looked amazing
He looked great
And he actually exceeded my expectations
Of him
A lot more aggressive in the past
But I think what Robert Whitaker is
One of those guys where he's in the octagon
And you can see him thinking
His IQ is so high
What's his so-za? What's his name? So-za?
Yeah
Shakare
So-ja
So-ja
So-za, whatever his name is
Who in itself
Who in itself is a feat
But then he beat... what's his name?
Yo Romero
Yo Romero
Which is like...
A demi-god
A demi-god
So it's like...
Because Yo Romero was...
Oh my god, this guy's the next champion
Whitaker went through him
I mean, Whitaker was broke his foot
And he...
He just is amazing this kid
He's the future
He's the future, right
Yeah
That's the feeling I have when John...
When I first started John Jones
I feel the same way about Whitaker
Yeah
Um...
But can we talk about the Yohana fights though?
Yeah, we can
That was honestly
And I'm glad that happened
I'll tell you why
Because number one
It's gonna make
Yohana
So much better
Mm-hmm
It's like...
If you ever watched the Bones Brigade
Documentary about...
Tony Hawk
Tony Hawk
And how
He was getting really depressed
He wanted to quit skateboarding at one point
When he was young
And then Rodney
And then Rodney Mullen
Tony and Rodney were talking
He's like, you seem happier Rodney
And Rodney goes
Yeah, I just don't compete
You know, I don't do those competitions anymore
I just skate
You know, like
Tony Hawk, as soon as he stopped wanting
To take first place at tournaments
He would still do them
But it's okay to take fifth
Then the fun and joy came back
Into skateboarding for him
I think the same is gonna be with Yohana
It's like, okay, I'm not undefeated
I can lose
I'm gonna have fun
Mm-hmm
That pressure of being champion
That pressure of being perfect
And undefeated
It's a lot
It's a lot to handle for somebody
And I think that
We're gonna see a Yohana Yonchecek
That's gonna be much more gruesome
Yeah
And beast-like
I was just very much annoyed
With people who had never
Who don't know Yohana
This is the first time that they're seeing her
They don't know what she's done for the sport
And they see
Because of things like
Hood clips
Or, you know, on Instagram
They see snippets of
This girl
Who is staring down
And, you know, acting
You know, selling
Selling the fight, basically
That's not her character
Yeah, and then they
They're like, oh, she deserved to lose
You know, she's
She didn't have humility
So she deserved to get knocked out
It's like, these are the people
That have never watched a fucking
Straw weight fight
In their lives
They see it on Instagram
Now they have an opinion
And she deserved to get knocked out
I hate that
Anyone that does that
I have a message to you
Boom
Put your face in a fucking
Cow's fucking dick hole
Ooh, let's fit
Whatever, I just made it up
I'm sure I could have come up
With something even better than that
That was interesting
But I, that's what happened
Okay
This chick has been instrumental
For the sport
And this weight division
There is no better example
Of a great champion
Than you wanna, you J.J.
If you think that
Chop your fucking dick off
And send it to Mars
And I think
Ooh, that's pretty good
That's pretty good
That's good
And Rose, we've always loved Rose
I've loved her since the Ultimate Fighter
And I am excited for her
I didn't think that she
Was going to end it in that fashion
But the fact that she did
Means that she's serious
She's at the top of the game
And now it's exciting
But it's not that
It's also what
Think about it
It's why I watch
Why I love the sport
Because you don't know
Yeah, it's unpredictable
You watch boxing
And you know, fucking
You know, Mayweather can do
What he does
For five, twelve rounds
Of Vade
The rings large
He knows that he can, you know
But with fucking mixed martial arts
There's so many different ways
That you can go down, right
That no one will ever
Stay undefeated forever
It's just too many elements
Against you, you know
That's why I love watching it
So that fight
Was literally a life-altering experience
For me
All those fights were
Especially the Johanna one
That one really got to me
That one made me realize this
You can do anything
That anything's possible
Your heroes are not safe
Right
I love Johanna
And I can't wait to see her come back
Thank you
Her reaction has been so good
Too afterwards
Like this very
You know what, here's
She was gracious
She was emotional about her thing
But she was like, look
This is the risk that I take
Being a fighter
And there's no shame in that
When Rhonda lost to Holly
You couldn't see her
She didn't do any interviews
She got snuck onto a plane
She snuck out of Australia
She was severely injured too
She broke her jaw
Okay, but still
Straight to the hospital
That's why GSB wasn't at the
Post-fight conference
Okay, but after Amanda Nunez
You couldn't see her after that
She was gone
But as you see
Do you hear what Johanna said?
Yeah
Because the guy was like
Why are you here?
Usually when you lose
You're not obligated
To come to these post-fights
She's like
You know what?
You're gonna get
The best and the worst of me
On my uptimes
You're gonna have me
Down times
Because I'm a professional
That's what made me
I was like
Wow
I love her
I love her
And Rose
But Rose deserved that win
I know
But I'm gonna say this
I swear to God
That rematch
If there is one
I'm gonna feel bad for Rose
Oh, you think Rose isn't that one?
I think that Johanna's
Gonna come back
Hey, I think
Rose is going
Every fight that I've seen her
Since each one is exponentially better
I think that she's gonna be
A freak of nature
She's so agile that girl
She's very bright
Yeah, she's evolved
And she's finally gotten
She's able to
Harness all that emotion
Yeah, because when she was
On the ultimate fighter
That was her main thing
When she fought at Carla Esparza
The championship
She was a little weak
Or just not mature-minded
Where little elements
Outside elements
I got to her
She's very sensitive
But now she's like
No, she's a total boss now
Yeah, she came in
Her eyes look so dead
Yeah
But you know she like
She said she prepared for everything
She knew everything
Johanna was gonna do
To try to get into her head
And she came prepared for it
Stone face
Yeah
Now the challenge is this
Because you know when you're
When you're a champion
Your media obligations go up
Everything else goes up
And if she's a sensitive bird
You know
That can affect her
That can
And I think it affects everybody
Differently
Johanna's back in Poland
Yeah
And she deserves a long vacation
With her family
And you wanna
You'll never
You'll never
Never listen to this
But we love you so much
And we're your fans
Oh, you're one of my favorites
Of all time
Yeah
You're up there with me
And um
But that was
A life altering
I'm glad I saw it
Because it changed my life
Yeah
It really did
And made me go
Oh my god
I might win an Emmy
You can win an Emmy
Anything can happen
Anything can happen
Anything can happen
You have to think about it
Everybody's got a puncher's chance
That's what
Puncher's chance
Because when she
When I saw it
I felt
I didn't know how it ended up on the ground
You were
I was on a cement ground
Looking up at the stars
Just questioning everything
Questioning my life
Questioning life in general
My ideas about life
It was really amazing
It was inspiring
Inspiring
That was fucking amazing
It was the best night of fighting I've ever seen
Yeah
Every card
Everyone that was there too
And everybody who says
They don't like
You wanna being
How she is during those stardowns
You're really stupid
You don't know her
This is
That's the reason why you watched it
That's the reason why it compelled you
I think she will
And I think she should stay herself
That's on her
It's also a mental game
You can't get it
That's part of the whole match
Just starting
When she fought Carla Esparza
She didn't really do that
She did
She did the whole cookie monster
She goes under the face
She was a little bit
Okay, before that
I mean, against the first Claudia
Against all the
That's not her
That's this thing that she does
I think that she's gonna find
A pocket, a different personality
That's gonna be still aggressive
But a little bit more stoic
I think that's done
I think she's gonna be different
Whether it's to sell the fight
Or the mental game
Judge people by how they act after the fight
Yeah, but she's like
She's the most gracious loser ever
Exactly
Yeah, that was amazing
She's the best
I love her
And I love Rose
Good job, girls
You were the best fight of the night
Yeah, for sure
Oh, my god, that was amazing
Anyway
Any shows for Bobby, Clilo?
Yes, this weekend
Bobby will be at American Comedy Company
In San Diego
What?
Buy your tickets now
He's yelling
He's yelling at the dog
Oh, okay
No, he's
Cat
No, he's doing
He's practicing his lines
Yeah, yeah
November 30th to December 2nd
Yuck Yuck's in Vancouver, Canada
B.C.
B.C., right?
I always get confused with my A.B.'s and B.C.'s
But it's B.C.
B.C.
Come on, Clilo
Those are the shows, right?
Yes, and then the week
Two weeks after that
Levity Live in Oxnard, California
You can go to bobbilylive.com for more dates
Cool
George, shout-outs
Oh, I got a shout-out
Gilbert liked this one
To Calla Dendi 369 on Reddit
Fuckface
He found Gilbert's great silent acting skills
So you can go to the Reddit to see
Or you cannot
Can I post it?
Can we post it?
Oh, yeah, it's right there
My mom even called me like, I would say
Three years ago, she was like
Before you moved to LA
Make sure you call your friend
Who posted those videos
I was like, nah, no one's going to ever see that
I was like, but I would email him
But he won't take them off the internet
YouTube hasn't forever
In case you don't know
It's Gilbert playing a mime
For three and a half minutes
So it's an acting gem, guys
You have to
You want to learn how to act at that?
Under Reddit, look for future Oscar winner
That's the title
It's also FatBurt, so
Oh, god, we got to post it on our Instagram
Yeah
A quick shout-out to Chris and Dave
From Congratulations, just met them
Super nice guys
Shout-out again to a Reddit user, FungusFoot
He wanted to correct Bobby's take
That Jerry Lee Lewis did not get in trouble
Actually, Jerry Lee Lewis did get in trouble
For marrying his cousin
He did?
Yeah
Dude, Jerry Lee Lewis was married
His third marriage at 22
Was his 13-year-old cousin
Oh
If you just look, this guy
Has an interesting life just by marriages
Third marriage
That was the second longest marriage
Of all of them
God, that's 22
And, yeah
It kind of tanked his career
For a while, but he still had a career
But it went down from what he could book
Right
He had to return from tour and everything else
There are a lot of good discussions about
Tiger Belly Prom
I think we're getting good feedback
How would we do that?
What would it involve?
It would involve the same thing as
We do the live shows
Which is like a lottery system
I mean, probably not so much a lottery
We would probably have to pick and choose
Have people submit something
How do you get the awkward
Like asking somebody to the prom
That has to be part of it
And do you have to ask
Another Tiger Belly listener?
Do you have to ask someone outside?
Who doesn't know anything about the podcast
Show up to an adult prom
It's just weird
But prom king and queen are Bobby and I
So no one can win that
You cannot vote
Can we just do a runner up?
You could be the prom prince
And then you can be
I just want to be like Steve Harrington
Oh, wait, hold on
We should have a prom court
But if no one knows each other
How is everyone going to vote?
Interviews for the top
Four
Dance off
Your peers are supposed to vote you
Into king
Anyway, how would we do it
We would get a hall
We would rent out a hall
The Ritz Carlton
We would have a red carpet
With a little area where we could take pictures
And it would just be our own
Little party
It would be for sure weird
It's just so real tickest
Let's make this a tiger belly prom theme
Let's get a legit famous DJ
Like Steve Oyoki
I'm trying to do how Bobby does it
Steve Okiyoki
Yeah, we can throw around
Some ideas
But George desperately needs his prom
Remember in high school
He only had a banquet
Hoppa
Messaged me
She had the same experience as me
Outlawed at La Sierra
The same banquets
Anything else George
I see your notes from here
It's a lot
Nah, no reverse shout outs today
We'll just skip that
What was the reverse shout out
Which reverse shout outs
I had a couple
Dorothy for going around your party
Telling everyone that she saw me at the mall
Oh yeah, you were at the Glendale
It's like the first time I've been to a mall in a year
What a bad thing if Dorothy saw you
Why did she seem like it was a bad thing
And everybody was laughing that I was at the mall
No, I hate malls, I don't know
Because I just didn't imagine you in all white at a mall
It's creepy
No baby, you brought them home from Rite Aid
I want to do a shout out to Dorothy
Because she got me some
So En Panties
From the Philippines
Oh wow
And if you don't know what So En Panties are
They're basically
Anywhere here, I think they have the Avon lady
Or like the Tupperware lady who like sells
You know, products in your home
They had a So En lady
Which she basically comes with boxes of underwear
And you choose which panty you're going to buy
But the designs are very old school
It's like full on granny underwear
That's the most comfortable thing ever
And she got me a whole box
And then reverse shout out to Jessica
For stealing out of that box
What?
Well no, and she just took them
She's like, I'm taking a few because they're so amazing
So Dorothy, you're the best
Reverse shout out to my
To my appetite
I decided
I was eating so healthy and then
I took a small bowl and I just filled the whole thing with potato salad
I went to a room by myself and ate it
Wait, at our party?
But that sweet potato salad
It doesn't count
I shouldn't have ate a bowl of it
But the sweet potato salad that my sister makes is very healthy
And I had a bunch of chips
What else?
I took the whole layer
I took the whole layer
And reminder
Ziprecruiter.com
For all your hiring needs
One final thing
No more stickers
Some people who are just starting at the beginning of the episodes
Are still messaging me
For stickers, we're going to be selling them
With the next batch of merch coming out soon
Also a new batch of merch
Very, very soon
So keep that in mind when you think of holiday shopping
For your loved ones
And by very, very soon, disclaimer that could be
From two days from now or three months
Definitely before Christmas
Very, very soon
Before Black Friday
Hey, relax bro
What the hell?
You guys, it better be ready before
Black Friday
My word is my life
I don't promise anything until I know the date
From the factory
Oh, that's right
Okay, never mind
We're getting more special things
There's a longer turnaround for some of these things
I'm sorry
I want to just excite you guys
Okay, we're all for it
Alright guys, that was a weird ending
Music
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