TigerBelly - Episode 120: Angel with no Wings

Episode Date: December 6, 2017

Bobo is very sleepy. Khaloko double pees. Gilbo gets rice cooker’d. Pink Dick knows Job. We talk death clouds, tentacles, sudden deafness, and brittle bones. See Privacy Policy at https://...art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Are you ready? I'm ready. Go. Five, four, three, two, one. Wake up, wake up. We're starting. She said, wake up, wake up. I come in here, right?
Starting point is 00:00:38 And it's like... And then she'd be like... She'd be like... She'd be like, I gotta put this hair dryer away. You don't know what... You guys really want to know what happened? What? Put the hair thing on.
Starting point is 00:00:51 Do you need me to put this on for you to hear me? No, but... Put it on. I'm not gonna fight him on this. I went to the bathroom to go pee and there was more. And so I had to take care of that situation. Poop or more pee? Well, what else?
Starting point is 00:01:14 What do you mean? There was more that had to come out, more than just pee. Well, you know, that's shit. You know, that's a miscommunication. That is shit. No, that's a miscommunication with your body. Yeah. You know, and that's sabotage.
Starting point is 00:01:27 You know, it's like... When you woke me up, though, did you get to pee then? Um, no. I came on sudden pee. Oh, so it was a sudden double pee? Yeah. Just out of nowhere, you have like a sudden rush of double pee? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:41 Yeah, I call you lie on that. This is what I believe. Yeah, what happened? I believe... I gotta pee. I'm gonna wake Bobby up first. That's what I believe. But that's okay.
Starting point is 00:01:51 We're here. Tiger Valley. Welcome. I just woke up... I mean, we got Kalyla. We got George. We got Gilbert. And we got me.
Starting point is 00:02:04 And I was so tired because I had to get up and do this NCIS wardrobe. And then I came back. I had like two hours of sleep and I came back and Kalyla was already... Kalyla didn't wake up until 6 p.m. What? What time did you wake up? It must be real. I woke up when you woke up.
Starting point is 00:02:24 What? At 11.30. Really? Is that why you want to... Well, first of all, no, I didn't get up until... Yes. I went to... Okay, first of all...
Starting point is 00:02:33 I set the alarm because he doesn't set his own alarm. I set the alarm for 11 o'clock. Anyway, I went to the thing. I went and had a burrito. I walked around a large mot. I came home. She's still asleep. Then what I did was I played Assassin's Creed.
Starting point is 00:02:53 She's still asleep. And then I play more and then it's five o'clock and then she wake up. My point is that and then when she woke up and then I couldn't sleep until like 7 p.m. and then I heard you guys' nasty voices. But then I kept sleeping. You know, your voices are not good. I'm sorry. Your voices are...
Starting point is 00:03:16 George, your voice, I'll be honest with you. I give you a hard time all the time about how ugly you are. You don't know how to dress. You know, you're pussy-free. Okay. Well, you're pussy-free. Light. Pussy-free diet.
Starting point is 00:03:30 Yeah, diet coke. Diet fr... Pussy. Diet pussy. Diet pussy. That's it. That's it. That's it.
Starting point is 00:03:38 That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. That's it. Diet pussy. Diet pussy.
Starting point is 00:03:46 And then George. Oh, that's you. And then Gilbert. Yeah. You didn't hear you that much. Is your whole family's face flat? Yeah. Your first Thanksgiving?
Starting point is 00:03:56 I mean, it's like... I swear to God, man. Your family's so cute. Oh, thanks. Yeah. Flat but cute, according to him. Yeah. Oh, my God.
Starting point is 00:04:06 If you can see my... They're flute. You should see my uncle's Facebook. What? You just put like, ah, famous big-time actor, Bobby. Yeah. For your last day. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:15 So we all went over to your place for Thanksgiving. Airbnb, yeah. And Airbnb. And it was really fun. And your family does not have a flat face. They're very multi-dimensional. I would say I probably get my flat side from my mom. You're not flat.
Starting point is 00:04:29 Bobby just says that to like, compensate for his flat, the 2D face. No. I believe that your mom is not your real mom. I think your dad fucked a wall. That's what I believe. Yeah. And I'm going to go with that.
Starting point is 00:04:40 Also, you hugged my aunt thinking it was my mother first. Yeah. Which is hilarious. Well, I thought it was you at first. But then I'm like, I mean, that's... Gilbert's over there. Who's that old woman? Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:50 Your sister's very pretty. Yeah, she's cute. Yeah, cuter than you. We look alike. I think she got a little bit of... And I think that you are handsome, but I think that she's got a little bit of the better-looking skin. She's the most human of the bunch.
Starting point is 00:05:03 That's what I'm going to say. Out of all the walls. Out of all the walls. Excuse me. Out of all the walls. Okay. And then we went to Vancouver this weekend. Oh, wow.
Starting point is 00:05:18 It is very heavy in Tiger Belly fans. I mean, it's so heavy that I just feel happy when I'm there. I'm happy when I go to the shows and people just wait and they get so excited to see... They go, it's Kalyla. Kalyla's here. Can I... Where? You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:05:44 I guess she's in the back. Oh my God, can we meet? You know, that kind of thing. Yeah. And the audiences are great. And just... I mean, we stayed at... Okay, so Kalyla...
Starting point is 00:05:55 Kalyla always... She knows where to stay in every city. She also knows where to eat because she's just... Food blogger. No, she's... No, she's just... She's a food blogger. She just knows things...
Starting point is 00:06:07 I would never know and things that I wouldn't be able to experience half the things if it wasn't for Kalyla. So who are we staying at the Rosewood... Georgia. Georgia. And at first... There's actually a secret motive to that. What was the secret motive?
Starting point is 00:06:26 Because I had just finished watching Peaky Blinders and the theme of the hotel was the Roaring 20s and I needed to stay at Hotel Georgia. Did they talk like they were in the 1920s? But I felt like I was going to run into Thomas Shelby at any time, at any point. Yeah. I was really excited. Yeah. Never was there.
Starting point is 00:06:44 He was never there. He was never there, guys. Yeah. And... Thomas Shelby didn't fuck you that weekend. I did. And that's the fucking truth. And that's the truth.
Starting point is 00:06:53 And that's why I had to double pee. Yeah. That's actually the reason... That's the disgusting truth. The disgusting truth is I double peed because vagina is very itchy from when the Korean Thomas Shelby... Yeah, yeah. I came in my head and went, allow, allow.
Starting point is 00:07:07 And then I... Is that why you're coming? Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. Just trying to get her in the mood. Allow, allow. I... I...
Starting point is 00:07:15 I... You know. I'm still trying to pee out the Korean bacteria. Oh, wow. So that's why I double peed earlier. Yeah, the hotel's great. And then they have this restaurant there, the Hawkeye. Hawksworth.
Starting point is 00:07:23 Hawksworth. Hawksworth and everything we've ever eaten. We ate there four times, by the way. Is that the picture you posted? Yeah. The scallops. The number one restaurant in... In Vancouver.
Starting point is 00:07:37 Shout out to them. And everything was amazing. The breakfast was amazing. It was a delight. And the hotel, the bed was amazing. And we saw... Where you guys fucked? We fucked in there.
Starting point is 00:07:52 On that bed. Allow, allow. And I come right in my hand. I was like, yes, finally. And then we... Remember we laid there, babe? And then we looked at... And then I had my hand...
Starting point is 00:08:00 My hand up in the air. Yeah. And the... The hummus dripping off his hand. Yeah, yeah. And I go... And we were like, imagine that, that like two millimeter of cream could change my life for a millimeter?
Starting point is 00:08:12 Yeah, yeah. We had a discussion while it was in my hand. You're just holding it. It really is... It was thick, too. And it was just... It's just a little blob. And you're like, that little blob...
Starting point is 00:08:20 That was a big blob. Could change our lives. That was a huge blob. It was the tiniest blob you've ever seen in your life. It's... All right, anyway. It was a little baby dollop. Try to hurt me at every...
Starting point is 00:08:32 And then we saw the movie, It, in the hotel room. Which we had received a lot of, like, Steve said it was amazing, Gardo said it was amazing. So we were really excited to watch the movie. It just... I'm sorry. It's not good. And the reasons why it's not good is because I didn't buy the premise. I didn't buy this little town.
Starting point is 00:09:03 It's this little town, a tiny little town. We don't know where it is. I don't know. I don't even forget what it was called. It's a little small town and there's one Jewish kid in it and they have a synagogue. In the small town? In the small town. There's one black kid and his grandfather lives there.
Starting point is 00:09:26 And one clown. It's like that was the minority demographic. Those three people. Yeah, of that town. So all white people. One fat kid. Yeah. A fat kid.
Starting point is 00:09:36 Yeah, but he's still white. He's white. Yeah, yeah. So they have, you know, this clown that lives in a sewer. And he... I don't know how you stay that clean in a sewer. You didn't... I thought it started off really well.
Starting point is 00:09:56 In the beginning. The first scene where he gets his arm bit off and he's like trying, the little kid's trying to get away. You're like, oh shit. This is gonna be great. This is gonna be great. But I think what bothered Bobby the most was that all the parents were so like irredeemable. They were just all awful parents.
Starting point is 00:10:12 That's what you hated about it, remember? Like what? Yeah, I hated him. I also hated the Jewish kid, but he's like so like frightened and kind of weakish and stereotypically, what, what are you laughing? Little kiddie. He's a little kid. He's a kid.
Starting point is 00:10:29 He's a kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just hate the fact when they betray Jewish kids that way. I want them to be strong and, you know. I fell asleep, so I fell asleep about 20 minutes in and I woke up 10 minutes before it ended and so I have no real opinion about it. And also if this girl, there's a girl that's in this group of kids, right, they're all great actors, these kids, right?
Starting point is 00:10:52 This girl's dad is like a rapist, like molester, right? And it's like, I don't want that in a movie. It doesn't solve, but not only him, then like there's a bully kid. His dad's a fucking asshole. The main kid, his dad is unsympathetic and doesn't, there's just no connection. Another kid, her mom is fat. His mom is a fat, like overbearing, you know, it's, you know, who does kids and families great?
Starting point is 00:11:27 Spielberg. You look at, you look at close encounters of third kind, you know, the house is messy, but there's still love in the house, right? There's still, you know, come on kids, get ready for bed, you know, and there's still an ET, you know, I remember the pizza box and they're in the, you know, the, the, the house is chaotic. It's safe. When I saw that as a kid, I go, that's, well, you know, that's, we're not, we're Korean,
Starting point is 00:11:54 but that's, I felt, oh my God, I felt the warmth of that house. The best is stranger things, I think, like the parents believe the kids and that makes me so happy when like the whole community is, is rallying behind kids and they believe what the kids are saying. Yeah. That gives me the warm fuzzies for sure. I'll believe my kids any day of the week, because when I told my dad I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome in rehab, he laughed in my face.
Starting point is 00:12:21 He laughed right in my face. No, it did. You go, you did? I go, yeah. You laughed. No, he didn't. Yeah, he did. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:12:30 In my face. You just brought that up. He laughed right in my fucking face. And then I started to laugh and then my brother laughed and my mom started laughing. That's how we deal with, in my, in the Lee family, with tragedy. Well, that gives me the warm fuzzies too, I guess. Yeah, a little bit. Joyous thing.
Starting point is 00:12:49 Find the comedy and everything. Yeah. My mother, my brother was molested and we, I just, we just laugh about it. He was molested and I, do we talk about it? I don't know if he wants you to, I don't know if we've talked about it. Let's just keep it at molested. Let's, he's been. Yeah, he was molested.
Starting point is 00:13:07 He was molested in a construction site. Oh, let's add more. Yes. So whenever, whenever I'm dry, ever since that happened and when I got my license, yeah, every time my brother and I drive by a construction site, I pull over and we laugh. Oh, that's kind of, I guess, yeah, you know, I go, you want to go, you know, and then it just lightens it up, you know, and I just feel like that should always be a thing in families if something dark happens, you know, we're not, we weren't a family that kept things
Starting point is 00:13:42 a secret. Don't ever talk about it. I let the world know. I think that helped me deal with the dark shit, you know, the pain of like my dad beating me and my mom hitting me in the face. They would do close-handed hits in the face, bro. You know what I mean? And those things, I would, I hope you die.
Starting point is 00:14:13 You know, I would go to my room and I prayed. Dad, please give my dad, I mean, God, please give my dad a stroke and then like 35 years later, he did it a little too late. You got beatings. That's why. Yeah, yeah. So maybe you needed to get beat. Do you ever think of that?
Starting point is 00:14:34 What if you never got beat? Would you be his? Let's explore this. OK. There's an alternate dimension. Let's explore what the fuck my girlfriend just said. Not beat in the sense, in the same way that you were beat, obviously.
Starting point is 00:14:45 And I know that you said your dad had issues. He was an alcoholic. And he was abusive. So obviously, he was beating you for no good reason. But I'm saying, do you think that there were times where you're like, you know what, I deserve that one? Yeah, like the one time my dad beat me, because I looked at him wrong.
Starting point is 00:15:03 You know, I really did. I was at dinner, and he said to do something. And then I gave him like a, what? Right? And he goes, yeah, you're here. He said, something about my eyes. And I remember running. And he still had like his utensils in his head.
Starting point is 00:15:25 And he chased me down. We had this like long living room in Minnesota. And then him like beating me. That doesn't warrant a beating. Looking at you the wrong, looking at him the wrong way doesn't warrant a beating. Asian parents hate that, because I would do the thing where I'd roll my eyes.
Starting point is 00:15:42 I had a rice cooker thrown at me. Because it's just going, ugh. Same. Yeah, yeah. It's ridiculous how they react to eye looks. Yeah, it's called, in the Philippines, we call it like talking well. Talking with your eyes.
Starting point is 00:15:52 No, I talk. I talk. I talk. Yeah, we. Back to. Back to. Oh, that's what it is. Yeah, because they say.
Starting point is 00:15:58 Yeah. Oh, you're grown man now, huh? Yeah. You're big now, huh? Yeah, whoa. See that? See that? See, I don't run, because I'm afraid if I run,
Starting point is 00:16:05 he will catch me at one point. So I just submit and just. And take the beating. My, my, my mom. Oh, man, you're one of those guys then, huh? Oh, gosh, I'm the kid from it. No, you're the kid. No, you're.
Starting point is 00:16:15 I'm the Jewish kid. You're the Jewish. No, you're in like if you were in the Holocaust. Yeah. You're the first guy to die. Probably, because like why is that. Go in the shower and you're like, OK, and you win the line. I'm, I'm, I'm going to do everything.
Starting point is 00:16:28 I'll dig holes. I'll do everything I can. I hid in a trash can for two hours. I actually finally got the balls to run away from my mom, because I know I knew a beating was coming. And I went out of our subdivision where we lived. Oh, so you went outside. And outside of the gates.
Starting point is 00:16:43 Parameters. Past the security guard. And I hid in a trash can. And my, the whole family was looking for me. And I was so frightened of her. And my sister had like, I remember she had like a banana peel burn on her face for, for like a month.
Starting point is 00:16:56 Because my mom like whipped her face with a banana peel. Because my mom didn't have anything else available at that time. And she wanted to be my sister. That's a good one. So she fucking just like whipped my sister's face with a banana. Yeah. Very creative. That's very creative.
Starting point is 00:17:09 Well, why my dad at one time told me to get the golf club. And you get it, right? You have to get it. You have to get it. Yeah. I had to bring a hand. Well, no, I brought back a ping-pong padel. A paddle?
Starting point is 00:17:19 Paddle. He said no. No, no. Driver. Yeah, yeah. Three, three wood. It's interesting. Maybe is it Asian hole?
Starting point is 00:17:27 I mean, you didn't. You never got to be George. What was like a discipline for talking back, if you ever did? Well, see, my parents didn't discipline me bad. They prayed. For talking back. In 1822. So I remember like my aunt like baby set me once.
Starting point is 00:17:38 And I stuck my tongue out at her. And I got swatted. And I was like so disappointed. I was like. That's his thing that he stuck his tongue out. It's so cute. I was like, why, but my parents wouldn't do this. Why are you hitting me now?
Starting point is 00:17:50 You got swatted. How, what was it? What's a swat? Like it's banking. Like a slight one. Just once, like that. Oh, it was enough to make me cry. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:17:57 Well, no, no, no. I want detail. What is the detail of this? Because, you know, I've been, my dick's been pulled. Yeah, I've been punched in the mouth. As punishment? No. For your parent?
Starting point is 00:18:05 Oh, I did. I pulled my own butt. My mom has a thing called stomach belt. There's nothing to parent discipline. No, I pulled my own for fun. It hurt. No, but like, tell me. No, I think this was just a straight bare bottom spanking,
Starting point is 00:18:19 maybe a three to five times, whatever it took to hurt. My mom would do is like spoons sometimes, kitchen spoons, and then like fly swatters. Fly swatter, interesting. Yeah. Does she do a full hit or a pretend hit? It was a full hit. Does that still go on in 2017 when they raised kids?
Starting point is 00:18:37 I think my mom like did like double leg me. Like she full on wrestled me to the ground and beat the shit out of me. Yeah, yeah. My mom picked me up from camp. And we were in the car. And I just remember my mom punching me in the face, close-fisted, me turning, crying, right?
Starting point is 00:18:57 And then turning back and look at her, and then punching me in the face again, right? And then not turning around for the whole ride home because I knew I was going to get punched in the face. My god. Like, is it Asian parents? Maybe that's what it is. I think that a lot of Latino families probably,
Starting point is 00:19:15 or I know a lot of Latinos who have similar experiences. But you know what Steve did? He fought back. No, he called social services. Can't do that. For you or for us. Yeah. My brother called social services.
Starting point is 00:19:33 And what happened? They came. And then? It lightened up. It did. I feel like they would just beat you more when they left. No, my brother had enough. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:45 Like, I got more beatings. I think that's why I didn't. I thought that social services would equal death. In my head, that was like the. Me too. That's what I would assume. Yeah, but my brother goes, fuck this. Because my brother got good grades.
Starting point is 00:19:59 Always. My brother went to church. Always. My brother was a goody two shoes. You wouldn't believe it now, right? At all. My brother would wake up at five in the morning and work out. OK, Steve.
Starting point is 00:20:14 Yeah, go to. He was a wrestler. Oh, yeah, that's right. You know, he he got he'd go to church and pray and cry because of Jesus and do the whole thing. You know, and pray for my soul. Why would he still get beat then? That's what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:20:32 So he even got hit. It's the same as me. Yeah, I was basically perfect all around, except for the, you know, rare occasion that I would do like simple things like I would go to swim practice and I would act my my swim cap was old and it would rip and then I needed a new swim cap, right? Like any normal thinking person would think, oh,
Starting point is 00:20:51 I need to just buy my child a new swim cap. No, my mom in her head justified it as me being rebellious, disobeying her. And that's why the swim cap broke. Now we don't have money. You know, it's like a personal attack to her. And for little things like that, I got my ass beat. For little things like not swimming fast enough
Starting point is 00:21:11 or leaving my shampoo in the girl's locker room. Like things, every little thing I got beat for. And I don't think that it was a reflection on me. I soon, I started to really understand that she was not in a good place in her life. And that's why I, you know, I never really resented her because- And I know your mom, it's so weird.
Starting point is 00:21:30 I know your mom. I see her at least once a week and she hangs out at the house. And she loves you. And I love her so much. And I look at her and I just can't see it. I believe it happened 100%. I love it too. Like it's hard.
Starting point is 00:21:43 Cause she's such a loving person now, but people go through- She's so funny. And she like, she like sneak up behind me and tickle me. I mean, she's just a nice, cool lady. She is. And you met my mom. Do you believe that my mom would punch me in the face?
Starting point is 00:21:59 I believe it. Why? He was hoping for a different answer. Your mom is a fight. I love your mom. She's so just my kind of chick. OG. But she is a firecracker.
Starting point is 00:22:12 She's a firecracker. Yeah. And I play completely submissive to your mom. And you see this too. Yeah. Like I'm basically a full time. Like I fix all the lights in their house. Who do I do when I go visit?
Starting point is 00:22:24 Yeah. Oh, you're like Alfred from Batman. Yeah, can you do this? Yeah, I do just basically house chores because I lay, I play submissive with her because she is a firecracker. At the end of the day, with all the beatings, at the end of the day, they were, they loved me.
Starting point is 00:22:43 I don't know how I got that sense, but there was always that sense of at the, when it comes down to it, you know, they, when I need to, when I wanted to go to camp, they would send me. You know, when I wanted to go on a skiing trip, they would send me. Yeah, I did all these things.
Starting point is 00:23:03 I did all that stuff. And the thing is, is that I don't think I became a drug addict because of them. I think I became a drug addict. I was born that way. And I think being molested kind of lead me toward being a little crazier. And then my parents were Korean, cultural.
Starting point is 00:23:22 But at the end of the day, all those things that happened to me lit up to now. And I wouldn't change a single moment of it because if you change it, something you might change. I think my parents, I do. And it was a dark, I don't have a lot of great memories with my parents, but they're mostly, they're mostly like sad and scary.
Starting point is 00:23:50 But still, I thank them because they came with this country. My dad had three jobs when he got here. They sent me, they got my brother and I, everything. My brother was a wrestler. They got him shoes. They get him the summer camps for wrestling and whatnot. So, I love them.
Starting point is 00:24:12 And I wouldn't change it for the world. Would you? I would change a few things, yeah. Like what? I think that a lot of the difficulty I had between the age of 16 to 24 had a lot to do with things that I hadn't really settled in my heart, which was just being perfect, but still being beaten.
Starting point is 00:24:37 And only being loved and cared for when I wasn't being perfect. Do you understand? Yeah. So like most of my life, I was just always such a straight edge kid. And I had, I was, I went through so much abuse. And because, you know, my mom,
Starting point is 00:24:53 there was a very difficult time for my parents at that time and my mom was still in her young 30s. She wasn't, she was going through stuff. She was depressed. And then only when I started rebelling, did they really start to show like sincere care for me. Or that's when I started to feel their love. So I was very confused.
Starting point is 00:25:10 I would have changed that. I would have wished that they would have softened up on me a lot sooner because I think that I would have, 16 to 24 was a very, very fucked up period for me. And I was very confused and I ended up treating a lot of people like shit. And I think that could have been bypassed if I didn't, if I wasn't confused.
Starting point is 00:25:32 Wow, that's interesting. How about you Gilbert? I wouldn't change it. No, I wouldn't change it. I feel like, cause you guys have the parents that are coming first, you guys are first generation, right? My parents are second. So they, their experience,
Starting point is 00:25:47 they're probably more similar to yours, where they got to fix maybe things that their parents did. And I got the next layer. They had adjusted already. It was softened a bit, but there was still some of that, you know, stuff you carry on from your parents. Yeah. So yeah, I probably wouldn't change it.
Starting point is 00:26:04 Mine was not as severe as you guys. Like if my son looked at me in a funny way, like, hey, go put the dishes in the sink. He's like, basically a fucking dad. And he looked at me like, dad, I go, hey man, can you just not look at me like that? I'm asking you for, to do your chores. Just do me one thing.
Starting point is 00:26:24 You know, like I would try to talk to him. Like, you know, and he goes, fuck you. See, that's what I'm trying to do. Yeah, no, no. No, I would do it through psychological warfare. Oh my God. That sounds worse. That sounds worse.
Starting point is 00:26:39 That sounds worse. No, no, no. Like, oh yeah, fuck you. So I go like that. Hey, fuck you, dad. Yeah? Yeah, because I don't want to do dishes. All right, don't do dishes.
Starting point is 00:26:47 Don't do them. I don't want you to do them. Thank you. Yeah, you can do whatever you want. Okay. No, do whatever you want, okay? But let me just say something right now. That now our relationship isn't father and son, is it?
Starting point is 00:27:04 You're talking to me like we're friends. So you want to be friends? Let's be friends. I wasn't saying that. If my friends said fuck you to me, this is what I do. I cut them off. Don't say that.
Starting point is 00:27:16 Just you're cut off, so, am I your dad or am I your friend? My dad. Okay, so apologize to me for saying fuck off because I didn't say to do anything that was like other realms of being crazy. I just said that. Can you just put the dishes, your dish in the sink because that's what your chore is.
Starting point is 00:27:42 Ah, you're right. Okay, I'm sorry. I can never imagine you actually asking someone to put a dish anywhere. That actually worked. I mean, that was amazing. That was amazing. But I'm just saying you don't put the motherfucking dish
Starting point is 00:27:55 in the right place today. I don't. He doesn't need to. I don't need to because I'm the dad. And I'm the child? Yeah. And I'm the child. You're the child.
Starting point is 00:28:05 No wonder. Psychological warfare. Psychological warfare. You can't, you know, I think I would do it in that way. I don't know if there was a situation where I would hit my parents, kids, I mean. I always thought I would discipline that way. Me too.
Starting point is 00:28:18 But now as I get older, I'm like, I don't think I would. Me too. I talk a lot of shit about like, I can't wait to beat my kid. I can't even spank my dog. Yeah. You know, like, have you ever seen me beat Gobi? Never.
Starting point is 00:28:30 Even when she is just being an absolute monster, my first instinct isn't to hit her or to discipline her in that way. And I kind of, I'm kind of bummed about that. I'm like, I don't have that natural instinct to hit. Yeah. Which makes me scared. Well, our kids then, because we don't have that.
Starting point is 00:28:46 Yeah. Will they be like, oh God, like Johnny, your friend Johnny. Yeah. Timeouts. I don't want to fucking do timeouts. Like, what do you? They might absolutely run over me. And I know that a lot of hipster parents think
Starting point is 00:28:58 that they have it right, but we have yet to see the outcome of that. Because now they're like, yeah, you want to go pee and you know, so-and-so is long. You go do that. You go be free. They are letting their kids just do whatever the fuck they want and just be free to express however they want to express.
Starting point is 00:29:13 And I'm telling you, there are also ramifications to raising your kids like that. Yeah. You have an Instagram like Jenna. She always everywhere. Oh my God. I think that's just, she's a natural exhibitionist. Shane, I love you.
Starting point is 00:29:28 I would love to have as a kid in my parents' house that brittle bone disease. You know. Oh, the osteo-something perfecta. Yeah. So then I would have been like, fuck you. Touch me. I'll shatter.
Starting point is 00:29:42 You go to the hospital. Want to kill me? Yeah. And you'll get in big trouble. Wow. Everything is, it's like Warfare, man. It's got to be in the mind. Osteogenesis imperfecta or something like that.
Starting point is 00:29:55 Well, you're talking about what Samuel L. Jackson had in like, yeah. And unbreakable. Unbreakable. Unbreakable, yeah. That you want that for yourself. No, if I was a kid in my parents' house, that'd be amazing. Or that skin, it was at the-
Starting point is 00:30:06 Harlequin symbiosis. What does that one look like? It's a skin disease where they can't- Basically, you come out like a boiling crowd. But your parents have to like- Oh, man. They have to bandage you up for like hours in the morning. Babies.
Starting point is 00:30:17 And then during the day, and when you get home, you have to go to a bath. And this takes hours. Yeah. And they have to peel off the fucking bandages. But it hurts so fucking bad. Like every tear, the kids cry. It's basically just an overproduction of like keratin
Starting point is 00:30:34 or something like that. If it's an over expression of keratin. So you just have layers and layers of like shedding skin. And it's like you basically have like a forever sunburn peeling every day of your life. If I don't know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know if I would have lived with that.
Starting point is 00:30:55 I can't see myself. I mean, I guess you would have to- You don't know any other way, right? The ones that I feel bad for always are people who become blind like in their 20s. Where they've or they slowly lose their hearing over time. Like that's like my fear. Because sometimes I have like I had
Starting point is 00:31:15 swimmer's ear for 15 years, and I think that I'm losing my hearing. But it turns out Bobby has is even defferer than me. So it doesn't matter. You want to talk about your health? Your health problems, really? No, I have detrimental health problems. We have not discussed it on the podcast, but we have to.
Starting point is 00:31:33 We have to let everyone know where we stand. I have detrimental health problems. Number one, I can't hear out of my right ear. He's deaf. Completely or faint? A little bit. But like it was great today when I was sleeping, you guys came over.
Starting point is 00:31:48 I just leaned my ear on the other side. You're a mute switch. Damn, OK. A little mute switch there. Yeah, you know, my nephew has a cochlear implant. And when he sleeps, he turns it off. So he doesn't hear anything. So it's like absolute silence.
Starting point is 00:32:03 The future. Yeah, number one, number two, I have a cough. It's getting better because I'm on antibiotics. But then I have a nerve pain in my back, in my shoulder. It's literally, it's like a spike. Like if someone took an ice pick and just lodged it into my shoulder every like 20 seconds. Sounds like a pinched nerve.
Starting point is 00:32:31 OK, I have to perform that way. Oh, so I have the worst thing, guys. What's other than? Oh, my God. You're on daily medication for like indefinitely now. Oh, yeah. Oh, no. So he had this like intense neck pain
Starting point is 00:32:45 at five in the morning last week before we left for Vancouver. The Tuesday before we left for Vancouver, he's like, I can't take this neck pain and the back pain anymore. But you woke up in the middle of the night or? He wasn't awake. He was like playing video games. But usually he's really good with pain.
Starting point is 00:32:59 And this time around, I knew he was serious because he's like, I can't, I can't do this anymore. This hurts too much. So I was like, hey, let me take your blood pressure. You know, sometimes in blood pressure, headache, neck pain is, you know, goes hand in hand. You guys want to know what his blood pressure was? It was 180 over 125.
Starting point is 00:33:14 That's over a lot. That's like stroke level. But even just a diastolic, like the lower number, 125, was it really freaked me out? Yeah, that's what your top number should be. Yeah. I was so freaked out. So I took him to the doctor the next day.
Starting point is 00:33:29 And I took it like multiple times thinking that the thing had aired out. I was like, there's no way this is his blood pressure. And so officially he has blood, high blood pressure because I think it's from gaining like 15 pounds. But can that also come from stress? I have no stress. I have no stress in my life.
Starting point is 00:33:47 I think you do. Like the show. I don't feel stress. I honestly don't feel stressed out at all. I think that I quit smoking four months ago. I gained 15, 20 pounds. Do you feel a difference other than that? Any like good benefits from quitting smoking?
Starting point is 00:34:02 No. What the fuck? Absolutely not. I haven't felt any good benefits. You know why? Because I vape every 10 seconds. So I still have that cough, you know? Yeah, but they say you're not supposed to chain vape.
Starting point is 00:34:18 Like you're supposed to treat it like a cigarette, do your usual routine of smoking it like a cigarette. That's what I read. Might be wrong. I don't know nothing about vaping. But he's on medication now for high blood pressure. I've been on antibiotics, heart medication. I mean, high blood pressure, medication, all kinds of things.
Starting point is 00:34:35 And I just feel like I'm on the downward spiral toward the inevitable. Which is? Freedom. Yeah. Death, I mean. That's both. Death and freedom are the same.
Starting point is 00:34:50 I think so. And these chains, these chains will be free. And I'll be up there with Ralphie and John Panette. Are we eating donuts in a cloud somewhere? Why donuts specifically? Because they're both fat. And we're angels now. And I'm kind of fat.
Starting point is 00:35:08 I'm just fat angels. We'll just be John Candy. John Candy will be there. You don't know him personally. So he won't be there with you. Who? On your cloud, Chris Farley or John Candy? Oh, you have to know him first.
Starting point is 00:35:18 Well, I have. I know his brother, Chris Farley's brother, Kevin. And I know John Candy's daughter, Jennifer. So I think those are good enough names. If I'm fucking heaven. And I drop them to, like, the kids. If I, OK. If I'm heaven, this is what I would do.
Starting point is 00:35:37 I see John Candy's angel. Like, I don't know, man. He's there with all the cool guys, you know? He's there with Joe Flaherty and all these guys. But you know what? I know Joe Flaherty. But my angel would float by. I would opt with no wings.
Starting point is 00:35:55 If I was an angel, I would just be a floating. Like a penguin. A torso. Like a penguin. A flightless bird. You're like a penguin. You're a penguin angel. I think when you're in heaven, you
Starting point is 00:36:05 can look the way you want to look. OK, I have another more important question. I would have, like, a little squid legs. A squid? I would, like, 18, like, squid, pentacles, right? Why is there a cuttlefish in heaven? You know, I would have no arms. I would just be my same body, same face.
Starting point is 00:36:21 Torso, same torso. But here's, yeah, same body, same face. But you could see through it. You're basically a fucking octopus. You're a squid. Right? And you know what I would do? I would do these noises.
Starting point is 00:36:31 Beep, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop. You know what I mean? You want to stop speaking English. So you don't want to communicate. No, I would just go by people like that. You don't want to communicate with Joe Flaherty or John Schottkates. No, I go, bloop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop, boop.
Starting point is 00:36:42 And then I walk up and go, what's up? Hey, I was not. Anyway, I was on MTV for eight years. I know you don't know what it was because you were dead already, but I met your daughter Jennifer because Dick Lusucci, who you do know because of Second City, was my executive producer. And you guys were roommates. And he would go like, oh, yeah, come hang out with me on the cloud.
Starting point is 00:37:05 OK, so if you could only have three people on your cloud, on your forever cloud. I already know, Cleopatra. Oh my god, that was quick. OK. That was very quick. Yeah, Cleopatra, I would do. I'm not there yet because I'm still alive because I work out, eat healthy, do that.
Starting point is 00:37:22 I was about to say you next. Oh, no, here's what it is. This is when you die and you go, you look for me. This is what you're going to see. Oh, yeah. OK. So I'm going to, you're going to see first my body, but you can see it through it. And you're going to see my little tentacle legs.
Starting point is 00:37:37 I don't know why you want that. But you know who's going to be in the tentacle legs and she's going to use my tentacles to wrap her body. Right. Is Rosa Parks. Oh, wow. That's a good steal. That's pretty good.
Starting point is 00:37:51 Rosa Parks. Right. She's ethnic. Yeah. She's a civil rights thing. Yeah. Right. And she don't like sitting in the back of the bus.
Starting point is 00:37:59 So at all the events in heaven, you in the front. Yeah. Right. She's in the front of the bus. Rosa Parks, Cleopatra, you have one part. Cleopatra's on my shoulders. Why Cleopatra? I don't know because I just like Egypt.
Starting point is 00:38:10 Because of. Do you really? It's because of Assassin's Creed Origins. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's OK now that I'm Egyptian? Yeah. He's been playing Assassin's Creed Origins. Because Cleopatra's in it.
Starting point is 00:38:23 Yeah. I want to be Cleopatra. I want to meet her. OK. Who's your third? My third would be probably. I don't think. Doesn't have to be a story of figures.
Starting point is 00:38:40 It has to be three. I'm going to just throw out a name. The third would be Job. Job. From the Bible? From the Bible. Oh, you would get a book of Job. Why Job?
Starting point is 00:38:54 I like the name. Also, for five years, for five years, I thought his name was Job. Yeah, me too. Because it was based on when you read it. It's his job, J.O.B. Yeah, that's right. This is E at the end.
Starting point is 00:39:08 It's not Jovey. It's not Gobe. It's not Jovey. Yeah. I just heard stories from it. And he had a rough life, right? Didn't Job have a rough life? Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Tell us about Job, George. He's the one that kept on having different problems, and he never refused to a damn God. He got boils, and his kids died, and everything happened to him. And then afterwards, God gave him a new wife. Yeah, let me tell you about that story. Fuck Job. He would not be on my cloud.
Starting point is 00:39:36 Now, when you just said that, it's like, hey, you know, how about the wife I had that I loved? What do you give me, something newer? Like, if I had kids with Kalilah, right, and my dog, my dog, Gobe, and my cats, and he just gave them boils, they all died, right? And then he's like, here's a new set of, I'd be like, oh, this is cool.
Starting point is 00:40:03 But what about the ones I had that I loved? Yeah. Nothing replaces them. But this dog doesn't bark as much. This dog is trendlier on the leash. This dog is just more of a show dog. Oh, for competitions. It's a perfect dog.
Starting point is 00:40:20 Yeah. I'd be like, but my piece of shit dog, all of her frailties, and all of her smells, and everything about her is what I love about her. This one, this one hand. Oh, that dog, oh, that dog, oh, OK. This one hand fucking pain in my ass, right? This is what I love.
Starting point is 00:40:40 This is what I want, all right? I don't want new, something new. But then he's like, she's 16. All right. The new one has, no, not 16. In the biblical year, 16's OK, right, George? It's OK. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:40:56 That's totally fine. No, how about this? That's the wrong. It's the right. No, I don't mean that. She's 30, but she looks 16. OK, she's young looking. OK, every person, yeah.
Starting point is 00:41:05 What happens when I get older, Bobby? I still love you. You know why? Because I'll tell you why. I can, I already predicted what you're going to look like. I would love you to sketch this. But I love your face. You have, you have a great face.
Starting point is 00:41:19 OK. Callala smile. You have a great face, right? But your face, when you have a long, if you have a long hair and it turns white and you have a white long hair, you're still going to have the same body frame. You're not going to get fat. How do you know that?
Starting point is 00:41:33 Because I know your mom. I know you. I know you. You get paranoid. You eat a don't, like a half a donut, and you go, I need to fucking do run nine miles. And then she lives, she lives weights for hours. So, yeah, I already predicted it.
Starting point is 00:41:47 You don't think I, bitch, I don't think I fucking go into relationships thinking to myself, I know what this is going to turn out to be. Predict it. You don't think I've broken up with girls going, no, this is not going to. I meet their mom, no, I'm out. How superficial.
Starting point is 00:42:00 It's not superficial. It's real. And it's playing the fucking God's game. Job, right? Hashtag Joe. It's Joe, hashtag Joe. I got a text from Jade Cattopretta. What?
Starting point is 00:42:11 And she says we need to give her a call, so I'm going to go ahead. Why? Right now. Jane. No, why though? We don't do this. I know, but she's a friend and she needs to plug something.
Starting point is 00:42:22 Oh, shout out to her then. Yeah, come on, Bobby. No, it could bring her in. It's OK. What? Maybe she won't even pick up. I hope not. Hey, it's Jade.
Starting point is 00:42:37 No, that's even message. Hey, we call you to do the podcast, and we make a deal with you. I was so excited to have you on. I was like, I couldn't wait all day. I was like, Jade, Jade, it's going to do it. And I call you, and bitch, you don't fuck a pickup. What are you eating right now?
Starting point is 00:43:04 Some of your Brazilian meats? Mm. What? Churroscaria. Churroscaria. Listen, man, what do you need to plug? Let's just make it up. Yeah, that's what you get for not picking up.
Starting point is 00:43:15 For not picking up, she'll be on Jimmy Kimmel Thursday night. You know Kalyla what it is? She's going to Brazil. That's what it is. She's going on vacation. She's doing a stand-up in Portuguese in Brazil. So any Brazilian fans, check her out on social media. She's doing it that.
Starting point is 00:43:35 And she's also doing a Star Trek convention in Cleveland. Make sure you go to that. And she's going to be dressed up as a Romulan, and she's going to do a horror act in Cleenon. Oh, wow. Which is never, there's no one's ever done that as a Romulan. So speak Cleenon. Two as Cleenon and Portuguese in one weekend.
Starting point is 00:43:52 And she's going to shove candles in her fucking asshole. Wow, I want to see that too. Where's that at? In Portuguese? Yeah. In Portuguese at Cleenon. Hey, bitch, next time we'll call you pick up. God damn it, fucking.
Starting point is 00:44:04 Well, that's what you get. That's all she gets. That's all she gets because you want to try it one more time. No, no, that's fine. That's it. Yeah. She actually check her website, though, for the info. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:44:16 All right, guys, let's do the questions. We don't want to talk about the fights. We will at the end, the very, very end. Because so people, yeah. Give me the question then. Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Coraila. Hi, Ohana. I went to visit a guy I've been seeing for a couple months
Starting point is 00:44:32 over the weekend fairly recently. And he left me for a few hours to go to dinner with his friends. What say you about hosts, more specifically, someone you're romantically involved with, who ditched their guests with people they don't know in a city they're unfamiliar with and come back later than promised, only to give a half-ass apology and then ghost me shortly after?
Starting point is 00:44:52 Is it as simple as he may be clueless as fuck? Or is this common amongst guys this day and age? Mind you, this guy claimed he was all about me. Said he wants to continue seeing me, making future plans, stressing there was no one else, and et cetera. That's the end. That's the end. Yet his actions have shown otherwise.
Starting point is 00:45:11 What insight could you guys provide regarding the situation? It's the end. It never even started. Because I'm going to tell you this right now. I was dating a girl named Amy. And it was, I booked a big job where I had to go to a different country. It was my first commercial that I
Starting point is 00:45:32 had to fly to a different country. And I wanted to celebrate, because I was going to be gone for a month. And I told Amy, I go, yeah, I'm having a dinner, but I just want to eat with my agent and my manager. She goes, what? I'm not going to see you for a month. Yeah, it's an industry thing now.
Starting point is 00:45:52 Like some bullshit like that. I never saw her again. Yeah, but did you not want to see her again when you went? In retrospect, no. Yeah, so OK, look. You and I first started dating. Let's say we had a long-distance relationship. You lived, let's say, four hours away from me.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Maybe we've been talking for two months. Romantically, though. Like, we're serious. We're interested in each other. So I go to visit you. Let's say you're in New York. And I spent three days with you. But on the first night that I'm there,
Starting point is 00:46:24 you say you need to go to dinner, quote unquote, and you leave me for four hours in an unfamiliar city. Oh my god. I'll never see you again. Exactly. Her? Fuck, you'll never see her again. Yeah, this guy, there's only two things that are possible.
Starting point is 00:46:40 Either he's hiding something. He said he's going out to friends or dinner with friends. Bullshit. He's either out on a drug fix, because and he doesn't want to admit to you that he's not, he's getting his drug fix that day. He's out with another woman, has zero interest in you. And he's basically just, you know, he's just toying with you.
Starting point is 00:47:04 No, what I think is this, is that I'm going to hang out with my friends because that's what I always do. Or whoever, this girl I flew in for a fuck fling, right? So she's just going to have her around town, right? It's because I've seen that with other comics. I've been on tour with comics that I'm not going to name names. I so badly want to.
Starting point is 00:47:28 But why can't you just be up front and say, hey, like, I don't want anything romantic, let's just fuck for a weekend? I think girls would say yes. No, I don't think she would. I would. Are you kidding me? If there was a guy that I was attracted to and he said,
Starting point is 00:47:38 would you come out here for three days and we would just have a fuckfest, I would say yes. Yeah, but you read the situation. Some girls you can read that you can do that with. Some girls you can't. Some girls just won't do that. You underestimate a lot of women. I think that.
Starting point is 00:47:51 You're telling me that 100% of all women would be like that. I think that you underestimate us. I think that if a lot of men could afford to be a little bit more honest, I think that we would actually be a lot more receptive to something like, hey, I'm going to be up front with you. I find you very attractive. And I'd like to have a lot of sex with you.
Starting point is 00:48:07 Would you come over? And if it's no, it's no. Well, you know, see, that's the thing. If it's no, it's no. Some guys don't want to know. They want a yes. So they're going to, they feel out the situation with the vibe with the girl is putting out there.
Starting point is 00:48:21 Right? So if you want 100% yes, a guy will lie and figure it out, mold the situation so he can get what he wants. Yeah, but then he's just a manipulative asshole. But that's what guys are. A lot of guys are like that. It's like a fucking way. So let me say something, lady.
Starting point is 00:48:38 This guy is a scum fuck. He's purely pure and simple. He's a scum fuck. And he is not for you. And he fucked you over. Yeah, yeah. It's not, it's not happening. Oh, that would put me over the edge.
Starting point is 00:48:53 That would really upset me. Would you confront him in the middle of his dinner? Touch my feet. Oh my God. Would you confront him in the middle of his dinner with the friends? No, I just would honestly go. I would stay in a hotel.
Starting point is 00:49:04 I would leave his place, stay in the hotel and enjoy myself for the rest of the weekend without his presence. Because that's just rude, right? Even on the most basic level, even if we were just homies, even if I was visiting a friend and a friend did that to me, I'd be like, why did I even come here for? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:18 You play host. Yeah, like, we're supposed to be hanging out as friends and then you leave me to go off with other friends. Like, that's bullshit. That's so dumb. This guy needs to get it together. Yeah, whoever you are. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:30 I had a mystery moment earlier. What's your mystery moment? Before you left when I was taking an app, did you poo in the bathroom? I didn't. Wait, so this time there's a mystery poop. We don't know who the culprit is. There was a poop in the bathroom?
Starting point is 00:49:46 Yeah. What kind? Your kind. What is her kind? Let me ask you something. Yeah. Be honest with me. You're going to sure lock the situation.
Starting point is 00:49:54 I might have. OK, and the mystery moment is no longer a mystery. But she said she might have. Do we know it? Is it all evidence points to Kalala or yes or no? Yeah, because I don't poo in that bathroom. I go in here. So when there's poo there, it's either the dog.
Starting point is 00:50:07 It was a retaliation. Oh, see, you made it. It was a retaliation. Your retaliation? Yeah, all the times you didn't flush in Vancouver. And I sent you pictures, remember? Oh, yeah, yeah. Oh, well, that toilet.
Starting point is 00:50:18 That toilet. Case solved. A modern hotel. Sucks that toilet. Oh, god. She had. I want you to ask the other question about the first. Well, is this the first question?
Starting point is 00:50:29 OK. So let me start by letting you know I'm a Korean-American adoptee. I was adopted by white folks as a baby. And back when I was adopted, the parents were advised to assimilate the child ASAP. So my name was changed. And I grew up thinking white is right.
Starting point is 00:50:43 And wanted nothing more than to be white and blonde like my friends. Nowadays, they are Korean culture. She's a boy or girl. Woman. Nowadays, there are Korean culture camps and other bullshit to help adoptees learn about their motherland. A few years ago, I started trying to get in touch with my roots
Starting point is 00:50:57 and my half Korean friend, who was actually way more Korean than me, introduced me to Korean food. I love it. But I now need to do more than just eat the food. One of the barriers I have to actually seeking out other Koreans to help is I happen to be fat. And the Koreans I've encountered tend to be extremely judgmental.
Starting point is 00:51:15 Oh, you so fat. What happened to you? I don't need that negativity in my life, even if it's true. So my question is, how do I get in touch with my Korean roots and help my son learn some Korean as well since my other kids missed out? And how do I get a let go of this burning hatred I have from my baby daddy?
Starting point is 00:51:33 That doesn't say that. Oh, wait. I'm sorry. That second question is for her second part. So let's just stay with the first one. Do you want to see the whole email? I skipped the middle part. How did it get to hatred for the baby daddy?
Starting point is 00:51:48 Yeah. That is like a complete 180. Sherlock, solve this case. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. What is too loud, Gilbert? Yes, too. Do you want me to do the other paragraph?
Starting point is 00:52:01 Yeah, the other paragraph, too. Here's the second one. I skipped that. Here's the second issue I need advice about. I'm a 41 and single mother to a newborn. I also have a 19 and 17-year-old. I've never been married or even in real situation, have ever been in a real relationship.
Starting point is 00:52:19 So I'm pretty sure I'm fucked up emotionally, probably related to my adoption. All my kids are blazian. Not sure if that has anything to do with it, but I felt the need to share it anyway. What's blazian? Black and Asian. Black and Asian.
Starting point is 00:52:29 Black father, Asian. Belizean, Bobby. Can you open the pictures to show the kids? Because I don't want to open it up on camera. I emailed you. I was it on Tiger Belly? You emailed it to me? Or to your personal.
Starting point is 00:52:37 The father is a piece of shit garbage trash person, yet I can't let go. He got a new girlfriend when I was seven months pregnant and stopped talking to me then. I went fucking psycho. I rented cars so I could follow him and find out who this bitch is. Turns out she's some illegal immigrant from Mexico
Starting point is 00:52:52 and barely speaks English. She's older than me and only finished the sixth grade. Don't ask me how I know all this. I did my research. And she worked some shit job and lives with her adult son and his family. I can't understand why he would choose her over me. I have an education, a decent job, and most importantly,
Starting point is 00:53:09 his son. My friends have suggested he likes her because he feels superior. I need to let it go, but I'm so consumed with hate for him. It's taking over my life and preventing me from enjoying my baby boy. My life is pretty much over anyway. I'm 42 fucking years old with a newborn.
Starting point is 00:53:23 Who's going to want me? So that's the second question. I get over my birth hatred. Let me tell you something. OK, that's the why this is the great. What about the first one? The first one. Let's address the whole being Korean and adopted first
Starting point is 00:53:34 before we address. Remember, white is right. She followed. She got. No need to say that again. I honestly, I really don't even know how to answer that. Because imagine from just your earliest memories seeing your parents who are white, eating white food,
Starting point is 00:53:56 going to white hot dogs, functions. You don't hear Korean the language. You don't know anything about the smells. All that stuff is what molded me. Fried squid. Squid and my dad's dry fucking chili farts in my face. White dads don't have that. Yeah, they don't have that.
Starting point is 00:54:18 Dry chili farts. But so I don't know. I mean, when I see people that are adopted, there is a sense of sadness there. So I don't know how to answer that. Hang out with more Korean people, maybe. If there are cultural places, that's cool. If you are, if you have a genuine interest in it,
Starting point is 00:54:40 I think that the internet is the best place for that. I think that there's so many places. Where does she live? I don't know. She did not list that. I mean, because if it's an LA, that's easy, right? Yeah, LA is easy. Move to LA.
Starting point is 00:54:53 Try it out. Take your baby, take your baby boy. The second part of that question, how does she get over the hatred for her baby daddy? Yeah. Look how amazingly cute this baby is. That should be the only thing. This should be the only concern she has.
Starting point is 00:55:09 Look how cute. The cutest baby ever. That is the cutest baby. If I had a baby like that and the guy left me, I'd say thank you for your sperm. Go fuck yourself and your new girlfriend and put my entire focus on this child. Legal immigrant.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Listen, my manager, Abby, one day she goes, I'm done. She was that age, 42, 43, she says, I'm done. With what? Men. I don't eat them. I don't want them. And she just doesn't see anybody. I knew when she was married and she was dating.
Starting point is 00:55:40 She dated a series of black guys herself. And then one day she just said, I'm done. And she just focused on her business. And her son. And her son and getting her life in order. It's one section of your life. And maybe you will run into somebody, but that can't be your, if that's
Starting point is 00:56:02 what's going to make you feel happy about your life, someone else, you got to get out of yourself, do bigger things, I think. Bigger goals. But you also need to take the time to address your own hurt. And you need to process that correctly. And I don't know the proper way to process pain
Starting point is 00:56:23 because everybody is different. But I think that in this case, it sounds like you have an unhealthy hatred and an obsession with who he's dating. And I don't know where that stems from, but you definitely need to talk to somebody about that and address that. Well, he's a piece of shit.
Starting point is 00:56:42 Yeah, he left her at seven months back then. Yeah, it's not that it's over. You're not going to change that guy. You chose that situation. And I feel bad for you. But that's over. But your life is not over. Your life isn't over.
Starting point is 00:56:58 That part's over. That part's over. You have three kids now? Yeah, it's just almost two adult kids and then a newborn. My god. That's plenty of life to live. You have so much to look forward to. And 42 is so young, plus you're Asian in Europe.
Starting point is 00:57:12 You probably look really young too. Sure, it's young. Yeah. Girl, you got it. You still have a lot of life to live. You can even consider your life just having started just now. Yeah. I don't consider my 20s as living my life.
Starting point is 00:57:27 I party too much and I don't remember much. I started to really come around more when I turned 30 and then forward. So yeah, I wouldn't resign to the idea that no one's going to want you. There's someone out there for everybody if you do desire that. But also, you can be a perfectly healthy, functioning
Starting point is 00:57:46 adult with no partner. And your manager's a perfect example of that. Right? I feel bad for this lady. But I feel optimistic for her. Yeah, I think so too. I think so too. I think you can pick up at any age, any time, anywhere.
Starting point is 00:58:08 It's never over. And if love is what you're looking for, then put yourself in the right environment. Hating on your ex's new girlfriend is not a good place to start. You should resolve that on your own. And I don't think that you can finally find a, you can't be in a proper relationship
Starting point is 00:58:24 if you don't address that first. I just don't know how to address it because I don't think I've been there. Have I hated someone's ex so badly? No. Wow, you're like a live action. I'm trying to think of any of my ex's new girlfriends. Do I care?
Starting point is 00:58:40 I don't care. Like, why would I care? We're broken up. Yeah. Have you? I don't give a shit really. Not Diana Prince. Who's that?
Starting point is 00:58:53 Wonder Woman. Oh yeah. She's just each other died. Anyways, do you want me to talk to UFC? Yeah, I want to talk about, I believe that Francis Anganou. It's scary. Not only scary. For the first time ever in that division,
Starting point is 00:59:18 I feel like you're going to have a guy that's going to be a champion for a very long time. I believe that Steve A is in trouble. I'm a big fan of Steve A. But this guy is, I saw him, normally did that standing Kimura. Yeah, it wasn't even like the proper technique. He just muscled his way through that. He just muscled his way through Kimura.
Starting point is 00:59:38 He's like, I'm going to put your arm this way. And he did it. His lats did it. Yeah. He's scary. And also, he has skill. I mean, he moves. He's an agile big guy.
Starting point is 00:59:54 He's an agile big guy. Yeah, very fluid. I think he is scary. And I think that Eddie Alvarez just made me a fan again. It made me cry when he won that. I got a little emotional watching that. I got a very emotional. That dude, I'm telling you right now.
Starting point is 01:00:11 Rocky. Not Rocky. He is. It was Rocky. Yeah, it is Rocky. You're right. He's a warrior. That dude is a fucking man, dude.
Starting point is 01:00:23 He is, wow. Because I thought he was going to lose. His legs were already giving out. Legs were going out. He had a fucking baseball on his fucking face. That face. Did he break his maxi? I don't understand what that was.
Starting point is 01:00:36 Also, don't know what that is. Like the upper part of your jaw. Every fight is like that with him. Something's wrong. He comes out of it like he went through hell. Gachee was pretty awesome, though, too. They both, that was a really amazing fight. But if you guys didn't watch the problems you missed out
Starting point is 01:00:53 on the Yancy Madeira. I heard of that with the fight of the year versus Oliver. How did you watch it? I can't watch it. FS1. You can do it. I can do it for free. Fox Sports.
Starting point is 01:01:03 Go, because you guys have cable. Oh, OK. Yeah, that's what I told you to do, is get the app. I watched it live, so. All right. But I can just be honest with you. I have like nine pages of dialogue to memorize. I think that's what's wrong.
Starting point is 01:01:17 I have to go memorize it. Yeah, we didn't go ahead and do that. Is that OK? Yeah. But I want to get your thoughts on Halloween and Jose, though. It's sad as we just say. But the rain, that that era is over.
Starting point is 01:01:33 Max Hollow is the future. Jose Arlo, thank you for the fucking 15, 12 years of beautiful fighting. He'll be a journeyman. He'll still fight. He will still beat everyone else. He's still not going to be champion ever again. For as long as Max Hollow is there,
Starting point is 01:01:48 I think he can never be champion again. And he's not going to be able to get a fight. I mean, he was killed two fights. Yeah, he's like Joseph Benavides. So that's a sad thing. But you can always make a living. You're always going to be a legend in Brazil. You're a legend in my eyes.
Starting point is 01:02:05 Thank you. God bless you. Good night for you. You know, so I'm sorry. That was a weird podcast. But not everything has to be a hit. Not everything has to be a hit. No, the guys have been liking the solo podcast.
Starting point is 01:02:22 Well, the last one was good. This is a bad solo too, for a solo. Yeah, for a solo tour. I was trying to sort of run, but you don't get there. They're really going to believe what you tell them. So if you say this has been an amazing podcast, then it's nothing. But it's funny, because sometimes you say it's not a good podcast. And you see a conflict.
Starting point is 01:02:38 That was amazing, because he was like half asleep, and he didn't know what he was saying. It made no sense. It's weird. I don't know what people like anymore. They just like everything. What did you guys think of this one? Let's just leave it up to you guys.
Starting point is 01:02:50 Then you're going to get even more like that once. No, George. Put it on my social media, then. Put it on George's social media. He's trying to be famous on social media. I think so. Are there any shows for you? When am I going on the road next?
Starting point is 01:03:04 Next weekend, Bobby will be at Levy. This coming weekend? No, no, no, not this. Did I say this weekend? I said next weekend. All right. Whoa. I'll be at Levy live in Oxnard.
Starting point is 01:03:16 And then that's it for the year. Until, yeah, for the year, yes. You doing a year show anywhere? No, a comedy store, but that's it. We're going to be taking a break to over the holidays for two weeks. Yeah, I mean. And then we'll resume in the new year. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:03:33 We'll have some contact. But I want to say this, though. And I want you to really listen to me. Everyone listening. I truly believe that this podcast reinvented my life. I want to cry. You are crying. It it connected me to the people that are real fans of mine.
Starting point is 01:03:58 And it's just been a believable adventure. You know, I'm sorry, I couldn't hold my sneeze. That's the rudest fucking thing. This man is crying. You know what, bitch? Fuck you. This man is crying. I'm done.
Starting point is 01:04:16 I'm out. Fuck this shit. And she adapt. She adapt in the middle. I can't hold it. I made a mistake. These fans have changed my, oh. Sorry, dad.
Starting point is 01:04:28 Dad, yes, sorry. Kalyla, just get your take with just thoughts coming out of really quick Max Holloway and Jose Aldo. I know your, you and your sister love Jose, but yeah, I think that both Bobby says is pretty accurate. You know, I think that Jose could probably still clean up pretty nicely in that division because he looked really crisp. He could still be everyone, I think, but as far as long as Max Holloway stays healthy
Starting point is 01:04:54 and in that kind of fighting shape, showing that kind of fighting, I think it'll be hard to dethrone him. At least if, yeah. Max Holloway stay at 45 next fight or take that. There's been rumors that he'll go from 155 to Connor. They want that rematch, but Connor will never go down to 145 because he's too big these days. Yeah, I don't think so.
Starting point is 01:05:14 And he's with crime mobs and bosses these days too. Yeah, and also like when you get older, it's just really harder. Like weight cuts become more difficult, you know, like even for me as a woman, when I turned 30, my shit just don't snap back like it used to, but you'd be making gains now. Uh, no, dude, you have a 275 deadlift. I do. I was joking. Are you serious?
Starting point is 01:05:36 I don't know. Oh my God. I was like, yeah, yeah, I don't just do clamps and the bar stupid. What do I deadlift? I'm trying to 245 plates. No, no, but see, every time I see people do that on Instagram, they have the bumper weights, right? What's I don't see.
Starting point is 01:05:52 I don't know. So you don't really know what they're actually lifting the bumper weights, meaning it could be five pounds, but it's on the same. All of the weights are the same size. So when they do the snatch, you don't, you can't really do you know what I'm saying? Cause some of these girls that are so much weak, I know just I've worked out with them before and I know that they're just not even near as strong as me and I see him like always on Instagram just like doing these snatches and I'm like, how the fuck are you doing that?
Starting point is 01:06:18 This is before I knew what bumper weights were and I'm like, okay, that bitch is cheating. I'm not cheating, but I'm like, okay. Does it know? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's just like, yeah. Anyways, not trying to hate you do you shout out to those girls.
Starting point is 01:06:34 Yeah. Shout out. Speaking of shout outs. Any shout outs? I wouldn't say Vancouver shout out. Maybe there were a lot of great people in Vancouver, but there was this one girl. Her name was DeLua and she's from Kazakhstan. Well, she's not from Kazakhstan, but she's Kazakh is how you say it, right?
Starting point is 01:06:50 And she was very happy when you, when we address the unhelpful advice question, it wasn't her question. It was somebody else, but she was like, oh shit. Okay. We're Asian. We're accepted. Yeah. You guys are.
Starting point is 01:07:03 Yeah. But she was really nice and everyone in Vancouver is really cool. So shout out to all of them. Any shout outs George? Oh, quick shout out to Reza and Peter for showing up to my open mic and doing some great slam poetry. Who's that? Uh, there are a tiger rally fans who shut up to my open mic last week.
Starting point is 01:07:16 Oh, I thought it was someone famous. I was like, oh, who is this person? Soon to be famous. Oh, that's so cool. Great, great meeting those guys. Nice. Uh, shout out to all of you for listening. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:07:27 Uh, any reverse shout outs? That's very important. We got to throw shade. I only have love in my heart this week. Sorry. Sorry to let you down. I'm going to reverse shout out to, no. Please, please.
Starting point is 01:07:37 I need one. I'm trying to think of one. I can't. George. Shout out. Nothing but love in my heart this week. Oh, wait, hold on. Can you go by the door?
Starting point is 01:07:48 Jessica got us some gifts and I want to give them to you guys. It's her heart. She just got back from Korea by the main door. She open on here or what? Yeah, I want to, I want to quickly George. I want you guys to interpret the gift. Is it weird? It's not weird.
Starting point is 01:08:03 It's not interpret the gift. Is it a gift for George? There's no, we all got gifts. Same one. She loves giving gifts. We all love giving gifts. It's like you guys think. Yeah, those ones.
Starting point is 01:08:14 Okay. Here. She told me which ones belong to who. So she got us all socks. Love it. This one's actually for Bobby. It's the Korean Superman. Amazing.
Starting point is 01:08:25 Okay, that's Bobby. And then for Gilbert, yours says diet. Yes. Reverse shout out to my appetite again. It's like a dough boy and it says diet. I'm going to show the camera this. And mine is the cats and this one. And then George, I don't know how to interpret this, but it's a heart.
Starting point is 01:08:44 Oh my God. It's heart socks. What is she doing? Interesting. I think we bring the hashtag back. God damn it. Let's just keep it going until the end of the year. 2018, I swear to God, we never talk about it again.
Starting point is 01:08:58 Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it. I didn't say it. You said it. I said it this time. Yeah. I'm sorry. Don't hashtag it or do it. You can follow us on any other announcements for Tiger Belly in general.
Starting point is 01:09:09 Merch. What's going on with their merch? Super soon, super soon. Is that everything? Jade just texted me. Was meditating. Well, well, then you don't get to promote your show in Portuguese and in Cleon. You're meditating.
Starting point is 01:09:24 Should we call her right now? Was that too long? We already gave her. Awesome. Yeah, we gave her. All right. Guys, you can follow us on Instagram at Tiger Belly on Twitter at the Tiger Belly. You can also send us any questions at thetigerbellyatgmail.com.
Starting point is 01:09:39 You can also send us packages. We love receiving your packages of art or just gifts for Bobby Kalil of George. Yeah, you can send that to the PO Box, which is... I'm like, I don't know. 1626 North. Oh my God. What the hell? What first say that?
Starting point is 01:09:57 1626 North. Hold on. You guys recognize the song? It's a song from Beaky Blinders. Oh, we don't watch that. I watched the first episode. Okay, what's our address, George? 1626 North Wilcox, number 161, Hollywood, California, 90028.
Starting point is 01:10:14 And also, let me, because I pick out the packages just for ease for them, always address it to just Tiger Belly. If you want to put bits in parentheses, that's fine. You want to put Slup King or whatever, but put Tiger Belly on there just so we make sure we get that. Cool. You can follow Kalila on all social media at... Oh, at Calamity K.
Starting point is 01:10:32 George Kimmel on... George Underscore and Kimmel on Instagram. And you can see George, or you can actually talk to George in person if you live in L.A. and check out his open mic, which is info for that. Travel Cafe, three Wednesdays out of the month, every Wednesday except the third. So I'm there when this comes out on audio, and then a week later. Okay, so Jade says, will you guys please shout out that I'll be in Sao Paolo December 12th to the 22nd if people want to reach out to me in the comedy world?
Starting point is 01:11:00 I don't know, that's all she says on here. Okay. Anybody... Yeah, anybody in comedy in Brazil reach out to her. Oh, makes sense. It's her first show... It's her first tour to Brazil, so if she wants more contact, I guess she could use any... Probably book more shows if you're in the comedy world and if you want to go see anything.
Starting point is 01:11:17 Just go look her up on social media. Yeah. And then just a quick reminder of where you could find this if you're listening, or obviously listening to it. But you can listen on Google Play, Spotify, on SoundCloud through All Things Comedy and iTunes. And you can also watch the YouTube video of this, the channel. Yeah, we're nearly 70,000 subscribers.
Starting point is 01:11:38 That's a lot. But it's boosted up without me. We're about to get one of those YouTube plaques. Yep, I've been waiting for that my whole life. Okay, wow, so he really meant that. He almost cried. Steve Green said he was going to give me his, and then he never actually emailed him for it, so...
Starting point is 01:11:52 Well, get George his plaques, guys, let's make it to 100k. Materialistic object plaques. Guys, thank you for listening. See you next time. Bye. Bye. Bye. Thank you.
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