TigerBelly - Episode 144: Whitney Cummings & Life’s Bread

Episode Date: May 30, 2018

Whitney commits to truth. Bobo makes a wish. We talk ambush dates, brain plasticity, stocking breads, and releasing shame.Support us by supporting our sponsors!Recorded: 05/28/18See Privacy P...olicy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today Sweetie stop with that thumb, okay, show it me that thumb. Please show her the thumb. No, if it's still a thumb show her the thumb Please look at this line. Let me see. I just chew it and it's like fucking everything's fucked up. That's all she's seen That's all that's not a thumb Five four three two one welcome welcome welcome welcome welcome Welcome to the podcast You guys I'm the captain your leader. I am your Deity oh
Starting point is 00:01:13 That's a fancy one and welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. God bless you. Take care Enjoy memorials and Memorial Day Both they're two different things Memorial and Memorial Days are two different things and we have our band of outcasts here. We've got The pinkish dick in fucking Hollywood George Camel Just translucent and veiny. Mm-hmm. Just doing his thing. Mm-hmm. We've got his better-looking cousin over there, right? Bryce, right? Like if I was gay boom first yum yum and then kill myself and then do you oh Oh, yeah, yeah, I would be dead before I fuck fuck that guy. Oh, wow. I don't care how horny I am
Starting point is 00:01:56 Okay, you're ugly. All right, but you're a nice guy and that's why you're here. Mm-hmm. We've got What's your name Gabriel Gabriel? We got Gilbert Gilbert. I remember Gilbert Gilbert. Yes. Hello galon Mm-hmm, and then we've got my beautiful princess. Wow. I like you in here and And she's from the southeast islands of Palo Palo. I love that place. Yeah, it's a beautiful island And we've got a very special guest guys you guys um You know, I you know There's a lot of people that I I'm afraid of to ask to do my podcast because I'm afraid of the rejection But I had to throw out, you know, I had to throw out a little line
Starting point is 00:02:35 Toward this woman because um, you know, I am friends with her, but she's also um very special to me Um, her name is Whitney Cummings. Give her a round of applause everybody Whitney Cummings is here. God bless you. Take care memorial. You could talk now Whitney. I didn't I heard no complimentary intro. Yeah Whitney had her own television program called Whitney on it and canceled it's just I know Everybody stop putting that in my intro. It makes me relive the trauma over and over again It's like did everyone hear that it got cancelled two years. I was on correct. Yeah, I was on for two. Yeah Well, there you go. All right, but then that's not the only thing. You're right. What you created a show called
Starting point is 00:03:22 Two broke girls canceled. Yeah, but after five years six years six years had area. Yeah Do you Google your guests before they come on? I just wing it. I wing it. Okay. I really wish you had told me that this was video I'm wearing I look like I'm in a cult I'm dressed in a KKK Yeah, I just put on like a white t-shirt. It looks like a pillowcase I look like an art teacher from Santa Fe. Are you trying today or no is this try? Yeah My face I tried with my face, but not with your face looks great. That's very good. I said that in the elevator Thank you. You did say that. Well, I just want to throw that out
Starting point is 00:04:00 The way you say compliments you say them like insults, so it takes it takes a second to understand what you're doing You look great today, and you're like your delivery does not match the content No, but I looked over like I don't really look at you Bobby Bobby and I I've known how long have I known you Never made I Will look at her through my like Paris. That's it and I'll go that's I think that's Whitney and then I won't a lot Traveled together. We've been in others. We've spent time together Yeah, I see his like the top of his eyes over a Red Bull
Starting point is 00:04:37 From a Kalai La and I was on a date and it was not going where at the Grove Well, is it the Grove? Were you at the American? Yeah, that's why it wasn't going well. Yeah, and then we were at the picture you on a day What's that that? Save my you've been on them. Have you ever been on a date? They've never they've never felt like a day They'd always felt like an ambush. Yeah, sort of. It feels like you know, it feels like you Updated you bitch. I know, but we never it never felt romantic. It always felt. No, it feels like you're with a make-a-wish kid Taking him for a walk
Starting point is 00:05:17 What don't attack me. Yeah, yeah, I was telling you a lovely story So I'm with this goes not going well. We're at the bookstore. What's up? Barnes and Noble? Whatever that is, right? Yeah, it was during Christmas. I remember the holidays Yeah, and I just in the magazine section and then Chris looks at and I see Chris and I don't really know. I've never really talked to him at that time before Mm-hmm. And he goes hey Merry Christmas, and he walks up to me gives me a hug and then points at the girl and says this guy's the shit and he walks away and
Starting point is 00:05:51 Hooked it. So when people with that kind of power helps the little man out Mm-hmm. It really it really just makes me feel a storybook stuff Do you not think you're gonna get a blowjob without that? No compliment. No, no, no Yeah, I needed it. And you know what? I don't know you did it. I think you would have got a blowjob no matter what The guys need blowjobs like there's no other way for coming from out of your body Like without it, what would happen if you didn't get a blowjob that day? It causes anger Discomfort, okay, jerk off. But you know how jerking off coming right and getting a blowjob coming are two different ball games Depends on what the blowjob isn't where who it's from. No get a doll
Starting point is 00:06:37 Get a doll Do you any of the guys in the room defend me blowjobs are better than fucking jerking off psychologically feels better It's an ego thing. Yeah, it's like I still got it. Oh Feeling like attractive or something. Yeah wanted or whatever. Yeah, I like squirting it in their face I Would Does she want to I don't think this is consensual whatever She does it. This isn't it. Let's move on. Let's move on. Let's get back to my career. Are you okay? I'm fine
Starting point is 00:07:14 I would care I had to be very clear. I would care if I really oh, yeah, I would be fucking out of here This equipment would be Shrapnel puppy would be dead I apologize. I would not be able to apologize. I have a I haven't we don't speak of anything before me role really. Yeah Um, what about what about it bothers you? Is it like if he's forcing the stories on you? Or if he what if you you're are you ever curious? I feel no I feel very strongly that your boyfriend is not your girlfriend and that my I am as my boyfriend's girlfriend I'm not your homie like don't ever talk to me like you talk to your homies and which is actually I
Starting point is 00:07:52 I struggle a lot with a lot of my friendships with comedians actually where I have to I have to go You guys can't talk like this around me because it fucks me up and it makes me think that all men are monsters Like all like in the hallway at the comedy store when guys start talking like I murdered that shit. I'm like nope. Yeah, I still I'm trying I'm still gonna try to do this. I totally get what you're saying I think that I had a massive collection of male friends prior to My relationship with Bobby. Yeah that my assumption of men was just really bad So I was very I was not trusting of him at all So our first year together was sort of a disaster. Yeah, because well, I mean immediately
Starting point is 00:08:30 I injected into the relationship everything else that I had heard from all my male friends Totally, you know always just the homie rule, you know, you just are the recipient of all these horrible stories Yeah, yeah, yeah, and it's also it's like it's fine that you did all those things And I just don't need to hear about them and in a way that you're degrading women and stuff I I've talked with my girlfriend and degrading ways about guys that we sure but I'm not gonna say that around my guy We're all participating in the facade that we're special to each other Stay in that fantasy that magical thinking that there's a modicum of like sacred energy Left in relationship good, but I also know myself and I'm obsessive and I'm an addict
Starting point is 00:09:11 So I'll I'll upset I'll think about it and I'll punish him for it. I think you're right though I think also the problem with speaking so freely about all your sexual escapades in the past So I'm like deludes that fantasy so much so that I think that we eventually have issues Sexually where it feels like we're so desensitized to each other So I can't outdo the three girls that blew him You know what I mean? I can't blow quite that hard on his dick Like he's had just an array of all that like I can't compete with that. Yeah, but he loves you So you put everything but stories, right? I'll never when he tells these stories
Starting point is 00:09:43 It's always such in a grandiose fashion, but let me interesting, but let me ask you a question I don't think that when is this what this podcast is When you're blowing a guy he's going I think it's our fabrication that they're comparing us stuff like they're not thinking about any girl They've ever been with them while you're fucking them. Yeah, right? I mean, yeah, if you it lied to me Yeah, like I don't think like I recently got into my guy about like some exes and stuff And he's like I don't think about that like we think about their exes way more than they do I think you know, but it's also like when you love say it'd be weird not to
Starting point is 00:10:31 Like if I wasn't jealous of your ex you should be worried. That means I don't feel anything Right, right, right. I'm gonna enforce this new rule. Thank you. Hit me up any time Oh, I have to be more aware of what I'm saying because he'll pull out boxes pictures. Look at this hooker I don't think that Let me ask you something. What do you want to get out of that exchange when you do that? I don't know I mean it's good deep. I mean, I it's like let that with anybody is I'm always this I just want a reaction regardless of what it is because I am adrenaline, yeah, but
Starting point is 00:11:08 Right, like I want it because to me that's just like hey, I'm bored want to fight. Yeah, like that That's what I'm like, I'm sorry, do you just want to get in a fight like I'm happy just give me a minute Let me finish this like I'm but I think that you know I know that animals do this and kids do this is we try to test our boundaries and when you try to test how far we Can push people and maybe you're subconsciously like testing like how much you love me how much can I? Scare you away and you're gonna still stay cuz there is like a self saboteur element to that But you are right though There are moments where I really strongly feel like I'm done being the cool girl
Starting point is 00:11:44 I'm done being this all all accepting no one gives you a check no one writes a check for that You don't get a trophy. You don't get a car. You don't get a house. All you get is like like white knuckle resentment Yeah, but I feel like because like the for instance his ex he always talks about being jealous and just being very inflexible Have to have had an X Yeah, you've never met my girlfriends before no, oh, yeah, no, I love the most. I don't yeah, I don't yeah You're the first Acknowledged Okay, I like yeah, I try not to meet comics girl. Yeah, it's just like it's like fostering a puppy
Starting point is 00:12:24 You get attached and you have to give it back. Yeah, like you run into them a right aid and you're like, sorry, right? I tried I thought There was a thing when I bring like women on the road, right and I do talk about you know, I mean Comics you mean like female. Yeah, just calm. I like to bring female comics on the road Just because I want on the road. Yeah, you you have before and it's just a good, you know Combination I think with my act a dynamic, right and but I still not I should have more of a To realize what I'm saying even in front of female comics because they are women, right? But I treat them like guys and I feel like because I have the power position that they have to just take, you know
Starting point is 00:13:05 Yeah, like I don't think it's tricky But the kind of female that becomes a comic as one of them no offense to any of us, but like boundaries are not our like strong suit You know like to do what we do, right? Sit in a bar all night with a bunch of guys and wait to go on and to talk about our sex lives I mean boundaries don't occur to us it right often or we grew up in a home without a ton of boundaries But it's like I do think it would be hard for someone to go like hey, do you mind not? Mm-hmm. Yeah saying that around me. I'm just really working on my paradigm of the world Compromising I mean I did realize sort of like after a while the commies are I was kind of like all my guy friends
Starting point is 00:13:43 I wasn't hearing like it was like Dove and It was all our guy, you know I'm mad and like it was all these guys and I was like at a very sort of um Embryonic stage and my sort of development of like how I saw men and I was just like oh, I can never Trust man because of the shit that I hear at the comedy structure in the morning Yeah, but does it make you feel I'm gonna ask this question and maybe it's a rocky, but um But the thing is I view you as I do
Starting point is 00:14:10 Dove and Chris, you know, I mean like in just in terms of like when you just respect in terms of respect and in terms of funny in terms of being a legitimate like comedy entity and I 100% there's no difference between If I see you or even like upper-christ world Tom's girl or whatever I might run into so pride in that like I take pride Like I think there's a difference between like cool as long as you're being authentic with cool girl I think it's okay as long as you're not hurting yourself I think for me It's just knowing when to dip out when guys start saying like I crushed that shit or like that girl is busted
Starting point is 00:14:44 I'm like, oh, like I just don't want to see no time But those are things that I definitely don't take from him any time that he ever makes a comment or critiques another woman's Physical appearance. That's always where I draw the line. Yeah, it's like look and it's also just it's your line Yeah, I have lines that are I think a little tighter than even that like I'm just very like I don't want to hear it It makes me feel unsafe I'm really working on like changing Sort of the way that I view relationships and men in general because I have a lot of like Tapes that I have to rerecord and stories I have to rewrite from childhood
Starting point is 00:15:14 And it just sometimes feels like a setback for me, but some women may not be healing from that Some people might have had dads that fucking nailed it. You know, I just didn't you know So I'm like in like a rebuilding phase and so it's just like not super healthy for me Wow, but I think it also is kind of healthy for people to say to you like hey Like restraint of pen and tongue like yeah, cuz we overshare that's our thing Yeah, and I think sometimes and I think that's what I'm doing in my relationship now Like some things just aren't my business and maybe sharing that is just gonna cause more damage that it's gonna And I I see a lot of my friends do this where they always try to play like it's I'm just trying to like express myself
Starting point is 00:15:52 I'm like girly. You need to just hit the brakes. Sometimes make a YouTube video too much Yeah, you know, and yeah, sometimes you can beat a subject to death and sometimes you're not getting anything productive out of it No, sometimes it's okay to just step back and say, hey, you know what like There's no point in oversharing or talking about this so much like and it's also it's like, you know I've this therapist I've been working on for a long time And she specialized in like PTSD and trauma and stuff and there's things she won't let me talk about like I remember I went through a really bad breakup and like every day I just want to like talk about talk about it because I was like trying to like like sort of hit that equilibrium of
Starting point is 00:16:27 Adrenaline and dopamine and serotonin all the shit that in the self-righteousness of like he fucking did this and this and I Just want to fucking talk about him and she's like, okay 28 days No talking about him. Yeah, nobody because it's a way to victimize yourself and get attention and it's just like a bad It's that muscle getting too strong. I think it's just kind of you're also reliving all those same hormones are at play All that same adrenaline. It's it's it's still very present And so sometimes you just need to desensitize from that whole experience and just kind of keep it away And then when you'd be tells every time we tell a story we embellish it more and more based on exactly So fucking two months later, you're telling the same story and it's not even true anymore. It's basically fiction
Starting point is 00:17:01 I'm like, oh my god shit. I don't know so much Matrix over here, you know, yeah I just my goal in life is just to not be full of shit in general and sometimes when you tell a story too much It's like am I doing this turn and press this person am I trying to make them like me? I think it's just figure out. What's your motive for telling this right? That's why I was just like Why are you telling her about the prostitute like? But it's fair it's like you have shame or because I think a big part of like what we do like as comics is like release shame Yeah, so like when we tell someone hey, I fucked it like if you're okay with it
Starting point is 00:17:33 Then I don't have to feel that shame anymore. I have to carry it around. Maybe it's you just trying to release shame What he's trying to do. I think I understand what he's trying to do and because I understand it And I don't ever take it as if he's trying to incite some type of jealousy. He's never trying to do that I think he just needs a place to dump his experiences and all of his life stories Yeah, I'm just the person who's okay hearing that I never Should become a performer where you get to do that Yeah, is it weird to say that I don't think I have shame Or just not aware of it. I don't know if I'm aware of it
Starting point is 00:18:19 I guess there's nothing really that I look back in my life where I can just Intellectually say that I have shame about that. In fact, I think you're proud of a lot of you should have more No, I'm joking. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know I was just trying to figure out like the other day like when your knees or she's staying with us and I I could tell but so I picked my nose. I Pick my nose over there, right? She's in here. Yeah, and she's in here Yeah, and I'm in there in the kitchen and I look at it and I just I don't know why but I stick it in my mouth We all did. Yeah, I mean, you're just a fucking monkey and then she I looked up and she's in the living room looking at me
Starting point is 00:18:58 I can't I mean I can't yeah, and I was like this and I went hi He goes um And then she went back in the room and I sat there in the kitchen. I go And I can't live the rest of my life knowing that that's in her head so you did feel shame. No, so I killed her No, I didn't kill I just walked up to her and I said Did you see me in a burger? And she goes no And then I thought oh I shouldn't have brought that up, but I don't know if I was shameful
Starting point is 00:19:32 I just wanted to let her know that I was okay With her eating me I think that that I think is different that I think seems like I think comics Especially like our brains are very like we need to be seen exactly how we don't like lies or misunderstandings And you didn't know if she saw you and we don't do well in that gray area Have to know where everybody stands all the time Yeah, yeah, I think slightly that's like shame adjacent That's more like the truth always needs to be on the table There's got to be a show where you're doing this with comedians. Really? Yeah
Starting point is 00:20:06 Analyzing I mean, it's amazing Really? Yeah, because I was gonna tell you something that you you out of all the people that I know and that this is real Yeah, this is fucking real. There's a couple of incidences where I Behave in a certain way, especially at a comedy club and no one will correct my behavior or call But she has calls you out the one thing I'm gonna ask you a question What is the one thing that used to bother you about me at the club? When you and talk about how badly you're about to bomb. Yes Or after I got off and I'd go I didn't do well and I did and one day she just looks at me goes
Starting point is 00:20:43 I'm done with that. What the fuck are you doing? All right I mean you obviously did well and then you're telling us and then beforehand you're saying all your nervous But you're not what the fuck is that and then I was consciously now Aware of that trait that I have and so I don't do it anymore. Is there such a thing as like performance dysmorphia? Yes, there is well here's what I'll say about that I felt like I watched it for so long and I had no judgment about it because we all have our things and we all have our Crutches and we all have our like cuz you're also so funny and that and we also do we want everyone to like us
Starting point is 00:21:16 And if you're the funniest you have to be like, oh, that was awful We have to make ourselves smaller to make other people comfortable and minimize ourselves So the other comics are like the comics now at the store world like it's a little different than it was back Then I feel like you know, it's like you were killing so hard and I think like coming off You want to make sure everyone was okay, but I I just felt like you needed permission to stop Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna say like that's not serving you And oh, and it actually makes other people feel weird cuz like if you just ate shit then I really ate shit You know what I mean? Yeah, you come off stage and you kill and you go. Oh, that was awful
Starting point is 00:21:52 It's like everyone's like well then it makes like other people feel yeah, it's yeah It's oh god contaminates, but I stopped doing it because of you. So thank you Well, no, I think it's you just needed someone to be like oh, I did and you were the one That was it was like an old behavior that served you like ages ago when you were eating shit, but you are anymore You know, that's why I'm kind of scared of her No, I am there is a thing where I feel like and I'm gonna speak because this we're honest We're being honest right now where I see at the club like that the other day when you texted me to do your show This was it that I've
Starting point is 00:22:26 Reprehensible all right, so she texts me and she goes. Hey, do you want to do my show at Largo? Uh-huh, and I never returned a phone call a text back. You did not text me back. Do you know why why because number one I was just scared to why Understand that but I think there is like I'm gonna say this out loud Pat Oswald Just direct messaged me on Twitter about doing a show at Largo, and I never responded to him either and I think it's because I view certain people So high in my head that I just can't even you know me and communicate communicate in that way
Starting point is 00:23:06 You know we drove to the Schaumburg improv together. I know that was a great way friend That's different. I love you and we're friends. That's all I'm saying I'm just saying that I don't know why like with Eric Griffin. I can I don't I respect him I respect him yeah, yeah, I respect him but for some reason he's he's not built up in my head as This thing because I don't know why there's certain guys people that I'm with where I'm like Oh, I can just like you fart on this person There's nothing there's no consequences And then there's some people like Bill Burr, too. Yeah is another one where I have to say to myself just say hi
Starting point is 00:23:50 You know in my head just be cool. Yeah, what's up, dude? Do a pound pound. Yeah, and go. Oh cool Anyway, um, bye. I keep with it all goes on your head. It does. It's exhausting Wow, and then some people it's I do it afterwards I go in like a fucking fucking joke. Hi, and then I got in my car. I'm like, what did you just do? That was fucking ridiculous. You didn't even say hi to that person. You're fucking like I don't do it in the moment It's like I've aftermath later There's a question. I wanted to ask you and what the question is this okay? What? Do you feel Like you made it in the business. No, no, and that's the craziest thing
Starting point is 00:24:29 I've ever heard all day today. He's gonna get angry because I'm gonna tell you this right now. What you fucking did I was thinking about this the other day. I don't think about this a lot, but uh, it's tricky, man It's like it might just be social media because it used to be like if you made it in any way I was like, okay, but you see what everyone else is do everyone else is hustle now and the fucking the the measuring tools just changed Mm-hmm just now so it was like oh you have shows you made shows you booked jobs. You're an actor, but how many followers do you have? It's like no, no, that's new Measuring by yeah, that's not talent base. I mean it's for some people the rocker whatever the fuck and um, but it's like What do you mean? I don't have time to make videos every day. I'm doing the thing that that people cared about five years ago
Starting point is 00:25:20 Right, it's tricky. It's like the fucking the rules keep changing. So it's really hard. They're two different games. I I'm talking about the game of actual show business. Yeah, that's a different thing Yeah, maybe it is it the internet is a different thing It's a different thing, but then all of a sudden it felt like the internet mattered more than anything Right, but the internet is like everyone. Yeah. Yeah, that's the public. Yeah, right? And so when I see somebody Gain the all their fame and money from the public To me it's like yeah, but you didn't go into the arena with the actual gladiators That's true. That's actually right. I mean, it's like test like listen you test your skills
Starting point is 00:26:04 Amongst the best people that are doing it and that's what I want to do That's right And look at George look at George because he's from the internet and he's turning red making these videos Look at him. He's turning angry. Well, what's up, dude? You defend that you're from that world man No, but here's what I'll say some people and it's like Musicians that don't like Katie the the lead singer of Wilco. Is he dead? Yeah, it's a Like he's like oh fucking Katy Perry song is number one again
Starting point is 00:26:35 It's like, you know, there's there's a market for things that aren't the best and that's okay What you're saying, you know, like so it's like sometimes you have to just acquiesce to that and just be like, you know There's gonna be certain people that it's it's like it's like the velvet undergrounds first album, right? The banana album that was something. Yeah, that's the first one right with Nico. It's sold when it came out 500 copies Okay, so 500 copies and what like Jefferson airplane or these other bands were selling millions of copies, right? But at the end of the day that album did more for music than any other album It was so influential like people started bands based on that album R. E. M. U2 all these bands, right? Yeah, so it's like, you know, I'm sure Lou Reed and John Kale and the people that are on the other underground like Maureen Tucker
Starting point is 00:27:22 The drummer worked at Walmart. I didn't know you knew so much about music for 20 years. Yeah Yeah, so 20 years you look at a Walmart, right and she was in the most influential band of all of Wow music, right? And it's like, I'm sure she walked around in Walmart going goddamn I gotta stock these breads and I'm in the ground But at the end of the day, it's like this bread These breads at Walmart. Yeah, they stand bread there Do they have breads there? This is the way I talk
Starting point is 00:27:57 I'm worried you don't surround yourself with people that call you on your shit I keep saying breads, do we say that? You guys are just letting him talk Whitney, Whitney, don't do that No, wait, wait, whatever you say, I don't right now don't do that Because if you do that, I can't talk Here's what I was going to say, I learned this recently because I Speaking of bread, literally segue, I used to say it's the best thing since life's bread
Starting point is 00:28:24 Life's bread, for ten years, at least ten years and finally a friend of mine was like, are you saying life's bread? I was like, yes And she's like, that's not it And I was like, what? I have so many of those because I grew up in the Philippines Oh, well, so you're just, yeah Things like, you know, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, it was he say, you'll go down in history I thought it always said Yogel down in history and I thought Yogel was a reindeer song that he did
Starting point is 00:28:52 Yogel And when someone heard me sing it out loud, they're like, what are you saying? Or like in super occasion I also, by the way, I also love that you were singing it out loud so much Christmas is a big Filipino thing, we started in September My mom thought, let it be, write the Beatles song, let it be It was Medochi And Medochi means anchovy
Starting point is 00:29:12 In Korean, it's like, why would the fucking Beatles write a song about anchovy and say in Korean? I used to say, let's play it by year Which actually makes sense because I do only hang out like once a year Like to call me in a year and we'll hang out But I wrote and I was like, yeah, let's play it by year And a friend of mine, no joke, like a year and a half later Was like, how are you? And I was like, good And I was like, how have you been? I think it was Sertiana
Starting point is 00:29:36 I was like, well, you said let's hang out in a year And I was like, no, I think that's an expression She's like, no, it's not It's important that we call each other out and our shit But no, I think that to your point about the performance dysmorphia Yes, there is Like I actually have like a form of like misophonia where I don't hear laughs as loud as they are Because when I'm on stage, I always
Starting point is 00:29:56 I have the same thing I do think you have it I always think I'm bombing And then when I record myself, it's so loud And I'm like, oh, I didn't hear any of that I think though that's a good thing because it makes us good comics Because we always I've always said it's better to have that than the opposite of that
Starting point is 00:30:10 Where you think you're killing and you're bombing I always think he's bombing over there Do you want to stand up? No How many times have you done stand up? Um, I hosted an open mic once a week for the last couple years Cool Yeah, yeah
Starting point is 00:30:23 He's terrible Oh, oh, we have proof How do you know? Because I did Irvine improv I did Irvine improv and I go You want to open? He goes, yeah, I want to open We all were there
Starting point is 00:30:35 Yeah He was bombing so bad on tape And Irvine? Yeah Irvine's not easy It's okay It's it's It's not Ontario
Starting point is 00:30:44 It's not called I love Ontario It's called the Dunning Kruger Effect When you think you're actually doing better than you are Oh, got it It's the opposite of the dysmorphia Well, I think I have in my career I also have no idea how I'm perceived
Starting point is 00:30:57 Which is might be a good thing So I have no idea how I'm perceived And I think that when you're in our side It's like people look at you and they're like He's just on TV show after TV show They don't know about the 300 rejections we get a year Oh my god We think about
Starting point is 00:31:11 A year and a week That's not true But so they don't We get rejected constantly Like from things that you If you get rejected from something now It's not you can't even do the job to begin with Because you're already in first position on something
Starting point is 00:31:22 So it's like, you know So I think we have an amplified idea of our failures And everybody has an amplified idea of our successes It's so funny because it's like When there was a time When you, you know, Whitney You know, you had your own show And then, you know
Starting point is 00:31:37 Everyone at the store was on a show And I had nothing And I was looking around going Oh, I want to feel like they're feeling Like I always feel like they're Living in this life, right That's unobtainable right now Which is so funny because then when
Starting point is 00:31:54 Comics get on shows They're like, I just want to be doing stand-up Yeah, and then now that I'm on a show I feel like it doesn't I haven't changed It doesn't feel different So I guess that's a, you know A message to people that nothing fixes you
Starting point is 00:32:08 And no matter what you want in life Well then it's just you want more and more and more Exactly, yeah So it's like Kate Blanchett loses jobs to You know, back in Sandra Bullock You know, and she's like, oh I didn't get that You know, it's like it never stops So on some level you have to get it
Starting point is 00:32:21 But here's the fact that you did make it That's really nice Yeah, you did And um That's very nice But it's also I think now with Twitter Deflect, deflect, deflect What?
Starting point is 00:32:31 That's so fast I talk so fast Do I talk really fast? No, but you're just so articulate though Really? Yeah, fat, yeah My boyfriend says that arguing with me Who's your boyfriend?
Starting point is 00:32:41 Is like being in court Who's your boyfriend? I'm not telling you How do you know your boyfriend? You know, you probably know him Is he comic? No Actor?
Starting point is 00:32:49 Producer? Not in the business? Advertiser? I've met him before? No, maybe, no Okay I don't know Is there a more boring
Starting point is 00:32:57 As the podcast listener Was there anything more boring Than what we just said? No Yes, no, what, huh? No, but he was like arguing with you Is so stressful He was like, it's like being in court
Starting point is 00:33:08 Yeah, yeah I mean, I couldn't imagine arguing with you Yeah, I'm pretty good at it But also with my... You would make a fantastic lawyer You would be I would, my dad was a lawyer He was very good at it
Starting point is 00:33:17 And growing up in my home You had to defend yourself constantly And get good at it If your last name is Cummings What did you grow up to? DC You did I'm from DC
Starting point is 00:33:26 We know nothing about each other I mean, where am I from? Come on, get it, Whitney I mean What's it? Pilot season? Were you born at the comedy store? Best friends
Starting point is 00:33:41 Oh my goodness Just live at the comedy store No, but what city am I from, do you know? I feel like I do San Francisco No That's the most racist thing I've ever found Or my fucking life
Starting point is 00:33:51 No, I'm just guessing Because you're like Shanghai Vietnam Yeah, yeah I'm from San Diego Okay, I didn't Fuck, I actually didn't know that
Starting point is 00:34:01 No, you didn't You would have said it if you knew it You know what? You're right Because I know you went to the La Jolla comedy store Like now it's all happening Now it's happening I was unconscious until I was 30
Starting point is 00:34:11 But so we used to go down to the La Jolla comedy store And you were from there I know your sister also Oh I love her You know her? Yeah I didn't know that
Starting point is 00:34:20 Yeah Oh You didn't know that I knew your sister? No Oh, she's still in LA, right? I have a sister and a half brother What else? What, you don't want to talk about your sister?
Starting point is 00:34:29 I don't talk Yeah, I don't Yeah It's not that Okay Yeah All of a sudden I'm not talking about that Wow
Starting point is 00:34:39 You're talking slower? Yeah Yeah How often do you guys experience paparazzi? Never Never? I don't get it a lot I'm trying to think like
Starting point is 00:34:48 I get it I live in the valley So it's like There's a certain places you can go I do at the airport sometimes Or when I land in a city Yeah Because I know that Delta tells people
Starting point is 00:34:57 And stuff like that Oh, thank you Yeah When people are paparazzi now It's like, you know You'll just be at a restaurant And someone will just be holding up a thing Yeah
Starting point is 00:35:05 Or, you know I actually, that doesn't bother me It's more when people come up to you And either give you career advice Or start assaulting you Because they don't want you to get like a big head Like, I have people all the time come up to me And they're just like
Starting point is 00:35:16 I know who you are Oh, wow Like, cool I don't know who you are Or they want to hurt you Or they'll, like I get this all the time guys come up to me And they'll be like
Starting point is 00:35:26 Look, I have no idea who you are My girlfriend loves you Can we just get a photo? I'm like Oh, yes Why not? Or just like Be like
Starting point is 00:35:34 Can we get it? Like, just Why do you need to hurt my feelings? Yeah They have to They're just like Oh, I don't get it But like
Starting point is 00:35:42 I get a lot of career advice People feel very strongly That I should have been Wonder Woman They love her gal, good dog They don't understand why I get that with Wolverine No, but they Jackman?
Starting point is 00:35:53 Bobby Lee No, but they think that I like Didn't show up Like, they're angry They're like You Wonder Woman Like as if I just forgot to like Go to the set
Starting point is 00:36:03 Yeah, yeah You know, like it's like And it's weird because I always think That's actually like You know I would never have gotten that job Like you're just trying to make me be like Because I'm not pretty enough You know, it's like
Starting point is 00:36:14 When people overcomplement you It's a way to actually insult you Yeah Because I know you don't think that But like thank you for being so nice But now I just It's like my mom It's like
Starting point is 00:36:23 I finally like She rebounds you with her That she wasn't allowed to like Talk about my career in any way And then she um She did say something It was like Golden Globes And she's like
Starting point is 00:36:31 Why weren't you nominated for a gold You deserve a Golden Globe Yeah And then you have to be like Well, I wasn't nominated Because my show got canceled And then I have to hurt myself By telling you why
Starting point is 00:36:41 I didn't live up to your compliment My dad says And I'm not working hard enough So he goes Why don't you call studio And say you're available Like that's how you get movies They just thought
Starting point is 00:36:52 There's a sign That's like Call here Like, hey Paramount I'm gonna be Spider-Man Or whatever Yeah My dad doesn't know how it works
Starting point is 00:37:00 Yeah Poor Lam You know It's like You don't call people You know what is so interesting That I'm realizing I know nothing about your
Starting point is 00:37:08 Like political beliefs Do you talk about them ever We did a podcast When um The election votes Were being tallied Sombra one, yeah It was the worst podcast
Starting point is 00:37:17 We ever recorded Yeah, it's like a bummer Yeah Interesting So what's gonna happen with you two This has been like Three or four years What's happening
Starting point is 00:37:26 You live here Yeah, we live together What's the game plan What do you mean Just keep collecting animals until The day we die Do you guys want kids We abort it too
Starting point is 00:37:34 No, you haven't Yeah Have you? Yeah Cause you just didn't want them In the early on The first time Why don't you
Starting point is 00:37:42 Are you not on birth control I don't know what you're doing right now Oh, sorry What are you doing right now Let me ask you something What are you doing right now I'm just It's interesting
Starting point is 00:37:50 I'm sorry Yeah, see Yeah, yeah, yeah I'm just curious It's been over five years, okay Sorry Sorry, is there I'm walking into something
Starting point is 00:37:58 No, you're not You're not walking into anything We're fucking open Go ahead His favorite subject is telling people He's aborted children I don't know why But the first time
Starting point is 00:38:07 Why do you think? Because I think it's your I think it's your Tourette's Bobby's Tourette's It's the comic thing I think this is what it is It's not a shame thing
Starting point is 00:38:17 I think it's like Because we are so We're justice warriors Committed to the truth I realize that's like A grandizing us I'm the same way If I'm late to something
Starting point is 00:38:26 And I'm like There's traffic I'll take a picture Of the traffic And text it to the person Because I'm so worried People think that I'm lying All the time
Starting point is 00:38:34 And I'm so committed To telling the truth All the time I'm gonna tell you what it is I'll be honest with you Just look at me right now Okay Okay
Starting point is 00:38:42 After Matt TV Okay I was forced to the road a lot Because I couldn't get a job So I was in New York And I had to do press And I had to do open Anthony For the first time
Starting point is 00:38:53 This is when Greg Geraldo And Patrice They were alive They were alive And I did that I did that radio show And as soon as I walked in They ripped me apart so hard
Starting point is 00:39:04 That I just got up and left What did they rip you about? About my body You know what I mean? Like, you know They were just ripping My physical appearance Everything, you know
Starting point is 00:39:14 And I just went Oh, shit I'm not I can't do this And I left The next year I went back And I realized
Starting point is 00:39:22 I had to do open Anthony again But that This time I just blurted out Every fucking I'm going to get it to you Before you get to it Yes
Starting point is 00:39:30 And it worked for me Can I tell you I was just going like So what's it like? We had two abortions Before I'm telling you You can't
Starting point is 00:39:38 There's nothing you can get me on Because I already beat you To the punch Right I'm going to insult myself Before you can But when you just said that I don't know if that's the healthiest way
Starting point is 00:39:46 To even go about You know Living life Living though It's also a way of control Which I'm not in a negative way It's a way of controlling The conversation
Starting point is 00:39:54 And like Being innocent Like I'm not trying to hide anything But it worked for me And that's why I can do all the podcasts And radio shows And I'm successful at it
Starting point is 00:40:02 Now because I just I'm aware of That's what my thing is And so Because before I was Just, hey
Starting point is 00:40:10 Just bring up this thing I can do a bit And now It's more like I'm going to be honest And just say Everything And I also think
Starting point is 00:40:18 I'm just going to be Like super straight Like my biggest fear In life is being boring I mean that is like What I'm the most insecure about What I'm anywhere I'm always like
Starting point is 00:40:26 Am I being boring? Am I being boring? Like you know Like that's just And it was so hard for me To get attention as a kid That I had to be like You know
Starting point is 00:40:34 So I just have that sort of ticking clock Of like You're bombing You're bombing You're bombing all the time So maybe it's that too Like whenever I I always like front load
Starting point is 00:40:42 Like when someone's like How are you? I'm like The meds aren't mixing Like I will come out Swinging so hard Yeah
Starting point is 00:40:50 Just be the most Interesting person Like here's all my secrets Right I also think that there's When you say it You have a sense of ownership And you become
Starting point is 00:41:00 You feel a little less Vulnerable Or blackmailable That's great Yeah Exactly Like you can't I owned it
Starting point is 00:41:08 You have nothing on me Exactly No one can hold Anything you say Over your head Do you have Because I don't really see you You know
Starting point is 00:41:16 With other female comedians And they hang out with other I don't Never really seen you Really? With other female comedians Who do you hang with? For 10 years
Starting point is 00:41:24 Oh yeah I mean yeah That's right Yeah I don't really Sarah Tiana's my buddy I'm not her Yeah
Starting point is 00:41:32 I don't like It's tricky Like I don't Like hang a ton Yeah I'm working on that It's just hard Because it's like
Starting point is 00:41:40 Working during the day And doing stand up at night Just leave so little room But I have like A couple friends Oh my god This is a great one Making her to be there
Starting point is 00:41:48 This is a great one So I was at Chelsea And some comedian Had given me a writer's packet Right And this comedian goes Hey I need a writing job Can you give this to the producers
Starting point is 00:41:58 Of Chelsea Lately And I go Someone had asked you Yeah So I have a packet now Right With his writing I'm there
Starting point is 00:42:07 And I'm sitting there with I forgot I was with Brad Or whoever And you run into the room And you're going to try to Bring that piece of shit Into our family
Starting point is 00:42:17 You know who it was It was Writing packet I remember that You remember that Yes And I literally Remember going
Starting point is 00:42:26 Oh my god What did I do Because I remember What he was like It all came back I didn't think about it At the time When he was giving me the packet
Starting point is 00:42:35 Yeah But once I was like And my friend And you walked in the room Like what the fuck In my head I'm like What the fuck
Starting point is 00:42:44 For me I try to bring the devil Into the fucking Well I think that That's like When you're successful You want to help Other people
Starting point is 00:42:52 That's what it was Yeah You know what I mean But I think that I've learned It's taken me a long time To understand What help actually is
Starting point is 00:43:00 When you're giving someone An opportunity they don't Deserve That's not helping them That's actually Just hurting everybody Else And then
Starting point is 00:43:08 In your fucking Yourself Because everyone's Going It's even when like People go Well how come you weren't In this movie
Starting point is 00:43:16 You know Your friend's producing Or whatever It's like Yeah but I don't want to You know what I mean I get why I would never want someone
Starting point is 00:43:24 To hire me Because they felt like They had to Yeah Yeah Yeah Embarrassing Yeah
Starting point is 00:43:32 Like if you're like That's just so Because everybody knows Except you And then you're the fucking Dickhead that thinks That you're there on merit And it's humiliating
Starting point is 00:43:40 You know And you're like Do I need to create a safer space For you Trying to like Get people Like I'm just sort of Like do you want to just
Starting point is 00:43:48 Come in later Maybe we should move the hours So that you're Trying to accommodate Everybody's fucking Sickness And like And then
Starting point is 00:43:56 Someone explained to me Like a mentor in the business It was like when you fire Someone it's the best thing You can do for them Because they will learn so Much And you're just enabling
Starting point is 00:44:04 It's like giving money To a drug addict or whatever It's like you're just helping Them suck faster And get a worse reputation Right If you fire someone You're helping them
Starting point is 00:44:12 Wow I don't think coddling Anyone is ever good for them It doesn't Yeah And like And I mean it's In him in particular
Starting point is 00:44:20 I mean by the way I also am like Made like a lovely amends to me And like It was very healing And I was like Thank you It was like really nice
Starting point is 00:44:28 And meaningful I mean I get why I was kind of triggering When I first came out The comedy star Like I don't blame people For being shitty to me I'm gonna like
Starting point is 00:44:36 Oh it's fair No Yeah And like I remember there was a group Of guys there I'm not gonna name names But
Starting point is 00:44:44 It was a different time It was a different time But they were bullies dude Yeah They were like They would walk up to women And go You're not fun
Starting point is 00:44:52 Women aren't funny Cause here's the reason I think I have some Stockholm syndrome about it Yeah I was hazed so hard But I am so grateful Cause nothing after that
Starting point is 00:45:00 Could fucking hurt Like No audition No pitch No producer No Getting fired from a pilot Like
Starting point is 00:45:08 Getting fired from that place Yeah That's like your worst nightmare Happens You have a bunch of comics Saying you're not funny You suck You're ugly
Starting point is 00:45:16 I wouldn't fuck you Like shit like that And then it's like You want me to go Do a network test Like it's great Like it just like Nothing could hurt me
Starting point is 00:45:24 After that So I'm like I'm really grateful What of testing Yeah I hate it Do you do beta blockers But that's another thing I was gonna bring up
Starting point is 00:45:32 I think he introduced him To beta Really? Yeah so I had a couple of People telling you About it And you go
Starting point is 00:45:40 You shot beta blockers Oh really I brought a beta blocker Yeah and I went to the doctor And I got beta blockers This is years ago Yeah And
Starting point is 00:45:48 I remember this I take him Whenever I'm like shooting Yeah And it helps 100% It's game changer It's a game
Starting point is 00:45:56 It really is Even just knowing you have them Is a game changer Yeah it is The placebo effect of it There's something about it Like But back to the
Starting point is 00:46:04 What Like The long comic Were you such a dick No I was just like This guy's You know I was trying to help people out
Starting point is 00:46:12 Why? This is the last time I helped anybody Because this guy But it helps them And hurts the 200 people I know but I was sitting there In the audition
Starting point is 00:46:20 He walked in And I looked at him And this is his script And he was doing this Aww You know what I mean And I'm sitting there Going
Starting point is 00:46:28 Oh my god It's terrible It's terrible It's terrible I'm never gonna do this again Yeah he just Wasn't ready I had a
Starting point is 00:46:36 It's so interesting Like do you ever find that Sometimes you're nervous And sometimes you're not I had a The most nervous I've ever been In an audition This is so weird
Starting point is 00:46:44 I was like a kid And I was like Auditioning for like Hosting jobs Like I was doing hosting When I first came out to LA I must have been like 23 I was like right after punked
Starting point is 00:46:52 And I was so numb And unconscious In my 20s That I would like Go into tests And be like What's up bitches Like I would never get nervous
Starting point is 00:47:00 And just like Eat shit And be like Nailed it And then one time I went into I'm only saying this Because now I know
Starting point is 00:47:08 How much you know about music I went into an audition And Henry Rollins was there Wow And I started convulsing I was like Like I couldn't I couldn't speak
Starting point is 00:47:19 Yeah And I also didn't have The wherewithal Or the consciousness To be able to go Like I should go outside And fucking regroup Like I didn't know how to
Starting point is 00:47:27 Like I now If I ever go into a meeting Or like a screen test Or anything I go in for like Two minutes and I'm like I need to go outside And come back
Starting point is 00:47:35 Like I have so many demands You've done that You do that Yeah Because you have to like Like claim your space And it is never Do you have lots of people
Starting point is 00:47:43 That are performers That listen to this Podcast I don't know So it's like that The most amazing actress That I Her name is Lucy Punch
Starting point is 00:47:52 She came in one time I know her She's yes Yeah I know Lucy Punch She's kind of been in everything Yeah she's great When I moved to LA She was the one
Starting point is 00:48:00 To beat If she was auditioning She's excellent And she was in the movie I made And she's just Transcendent And she came in
Starting point is 00:48:08 For an audition For this show I did on HBO And she came in And like she was kind of like Nervous And was like Like we had a friend
Starting point is 00:48:16 In common Like her name's Lizzie Kaplan And I was like Oh you know Lizzie And she was like Yeah anyway Like she kind of ignored it
Starting point is 00:48:24 And I was like Trying to bond with her And it was like It was very weird Yeah And she did it And she was great And Lucy's still
Starting point is 00:48:32 In the parking lot And wants to come back And do that again Is that okay And I was like Okay Like the balls right Like I would never think
Starting point is 00:48:40 To do it again Yeah yeah yeah I would never think to go You know can I take that again And go in my space like that I'm always like I'm a piece of shit And I'm so sorry
Starting point is 00:48:48 It's wasted your time And then she came back in And she just goes Hey I'm Negotiating to test For another pilot The writer's office
Starting point is 00:48:56 Is across the hall I got nervous And freaked out That he was gonna hear That I've just been distracted Can I audition again And I was like Wow
Starting point is 00:49:04 Okay I was so impressed By her ability To own her space And her environment Yeah yeah And I felt so much trust And I was not upset
Starting point is 00:49:12 I was not mad I was not put out I was like Thank you for doing that I just learned so much Yeah From you Killed it
Starting point is 00:49:20 Hired her Put her in my movie Wow Writing something new With her Wow Isn't that weird That we walk in
Starting point is 00:49:28 As if we're guests Yeah They need us Yeah I gotta learn that And it's also Even if you don't get the job You at least get to have a modicum
Starting point is 00:49:36 Of fucking dignity Yeah But now With the Henry Rawlins thing Did you ever get it down Or no No Yeah you choose
Starting point is 00:49:44 I'm not even a fan Of his anymore I ruined All everything I'm from DC Henry Rawlins is like A deity Yeah
Starting point is 00:49:52 We were getting him For this in a couple weeks It was so bad I'm gonna bring it up It was amazing Please Like you know sometimes we go to I went into an audition
Starting point is 00:50:00 Like Will Smith was in there And I was like What's up Yeah It was so weird And it was a hosting job It was like hey welcome to Music on the radio
Starting point is 00:50:08 Like I also did like Look in the camera I almost puked I was like If I puked in front of Henry Rawlins But yeah You just never know Who's gonna like
Starting point is 00:50:16 Get you Amy Poehler Uh oh I walk in She's Amy Poehler And she She does something She goes
Starting point is 00:50:24 I thought I was just Gonna do the audition Yeah Bobby And she introduces me To the whole room Of course She's being lovely
Starting point is 00:50:32 Being nice But while she's doing it Now It's all gone Everything you want I don't do small talk I don't And here's what I'll say
Starting point is 00:50:40 I don't know why they do that Here's the biggest problem I don't do small talk I let them know fucking right away Because and this is gonna sound Narcissistic But like we're funny And like you're gonna come in
Starting point is 00:50:48 And start killing With just your small talk About like I don't know where to park You know whatever And they're gonna go What's it like to be on mad TV And you tell this hilarious story
Starting point is 00:50:56 And I farted in this girl's mouth Or whatever You know that one All of those stories And then you read the material And it's bombing Yeah And they're like
Starting point is 00:51:04 He was so funny before He started reading the material Yeah Because you're always gonna be Funnier than the material But I found so bad That I took a bottle of water And walking from the audition
Starting point is 00:51:14 To my car I banged it against my head This bottle of water Yeah And I was bleeding Got my face What is the feeling When you walk out of an audition
Starting point is 00:51:22 It's bad It's like you wanna fucking die It's worse than that for me I wanna disappear The embarrassment Not the embarrassment But it's like I'm embarrassing my brand
Starting point is 00:51:32 I'm embarrassing my family And it's just embarrassed Because when you're doing stand up I can I'm I know how funny I am And you can course correct Right
Starting point is 00:51:43 The best thing you can do When you It's joke bombs Is you go like Oh that didn't do you Fuck you guys Yeah Yeah
Starting point is 00:51:51 But when I'm In there And I have really No control And I'm nervous And they don't like me And it's not going well I can't
Starting point is 00:51:59 Explain to you How fucking shitty it feels To us I get devastated Ask her I get devastated by it It's devastated It really is
Starting point is 00:52:08 Irrationally That is right It's irrationally devastating I think for me Like I performed as a child For my parents To get their love So I think that
Starting point is 00:52:17 I turn five again And it is like You do think it's life or death Like if I don't get the love Of these people I won't eat I won't get I don't exist
Starting point is 00:52:26 Cause that's the thing Is if your parents don't Give you attention You don't exist Right And then so it's just remembering Like I'm a fucking adult This is a business transaction
Starting point is 00:52:34 But it's not about getting the job It's about Listen I've The last couple of Couple of months I've had some good auditions And I didn't get the job
Starting point is 00:52:42 Right If I can walk out of there And just show them My ability Yeah And I don't get the job I get it Yeah
Starting point is 00:52:50 It's when I can't show them What I can do I have like Lots of rules around Cause I now know Like where How I shine And how I don't
Starting point is 00:52:58 I'm not coming to Santa Monica I'm not No snow This isn't Santa Monica There is If I'm crossing Bundy I'm eating shit I just
Starting point is 00:53:06 I know I know that about myself Not after noon Afternoon Between 10 and noon That's where I After that I'm tired
Starting point is 00:53:14 I'm dizzy I'm mentally I'm shiny You've seen me I get shinier As the day goes on I get hungry Afternoon
Starting point is 00:53:22 That's pretty much it Wow Within 3 miles of my home Or I'll just put myself on tape That's the other thing It's like getting your power back I'm just like You know what
Starting point is 00:53:30 I'm gonna put myself on tape Cause I need a couple takes To get this Yes Just say I'll put myself on tape It's also different for women too Men You'll never understand this
Starting point is 00:53:38 Like if you look at the cycle scope There are certain times Depending on where your hormones are Or how high your hormones are flowing You don't You feel like a hermit You don't feel like socializing You don't feel
Starting point is 00:53:46 You don't Even if you're naturally like Extroverted All of that's gone You just kind of want to bury yourself In a hole And that happens to me Even though I feel like
Starting point is 00:53:54 I'm pretty good Otherwise socializing with people For a whole week Out of a month I cannot even Formulate a sentence Yeah My thoughts are not in order
Starting point is 00:54:03 And I just don't want to see Other people Yeah Totally And it's also like That's another thing You just like nailed It's like
Starting point is 00:54:11 I need to know Who's gonna be in the room I don't want any surprises I also You know And this is gonna come off Like I don't want to come up
Starting point is 00:54:19 Like made of glass But it's like You do go down In addition You see like nine models You see like Four It's just
Starting point is 00:54:27 It's just Spins We're comics We're sensitive Like everything Spins me I'm having a panic attack Even
Starting point is 00:54:35 Like I'm just saying Like you run into Like the girls that got Every job In your twin Yeah And it's just like It's a
Starting point is 00:54:43 You're walking into Kind of a landmine You know And I'm so empathic That I like take Like Like oh my god Like
Starting point is 00:54:51 Like you know So it's just a lot of energy Yeah It's a lot of What I have to do is Like if there's like Six people in like The office lobby
Starting point is 00:54:59 I Walk away I am outside Around a corner Right I kind of know Like look at the door To see who
Starting point is 00:55:07 And who I'm after And when that person Or comes out I go back in the room Yeah But I cannot be in there When people go Hey man
Starting point is 00:55:15 I saw you perform Saturday You killed it And you're an empath Like you are Cause you're just absorbing Everybody's energy And they're throwing it all And they're actors
Starting point is 00:55:23 So they're Injured people And you're just taking on Their childhood pain And their epigenetic imprinting And their shit And like They hate you
Starting point is 00:55:32 And you hate them And it's just like Oh god Everyone I've been avoiding For less 15 years I have to sit in a fucking room And it's just like I don't remember lines
Starting point is 00:55:40 And I don't even want to do this Let's be honest I don't even want to do this Like I don't even It's just like An existential crisis Yeah
Starting point is 00:55:48 You know We're so similar in that way I'm like There's no way this is gonna go Yeah Yeah Like Let me just go
Starting point is 00:55:56 Fucking tell some dick jokes For free For free What are we doing time wise Such a like We're over an hour We're over an hour already That's amazing
Starting point is 00:56:04 Yeah Alright You want to do the Unhelpful advice Well quick question for you both Did we just say When you guys first met And what was the experience
Starting point is 00:56:12 Cause I'm curious When did you guys Actually first see each other I don't remember I don't remember either She was just a part of my life No but here's the thing There was a
Starting point is 00:56:20 It was so Wow Bobby Great answer That was so touching She's always been a part of my life I remember Cause I was just talking to Kevin Christie About this
Starting point is 00:56:30 When I was like Do you remember like When we became It was just For some reason one day I just went to the other side Of the hallway Right
Starting point is 00:56:38 It was like I was always on one side Of the hallway Like looking at my notes And like looking at you guys And then one day I went to the other side Yeah
Starting point is 00:56:46 At least with Kevin Yeah I brought Kevin to the store By the way I feel like you I feel like you When I first You were a bright spot
Starting point is 00:56:56 When I first came Because I remember You gave me very good advice Cause I would like Have all my copious notes And they were all written out And I was like writing in margins To go do three minutes
Starting point is 00:57:04 Yeah In the Oh the fucking I would go Sundays and Mondays And wait in line at the open mic And I was like And I remember being like And you were like
Starting point is 00:57:12 I'm gonna bomb And we were both about to go on In the car We were both gonna We were terrible And then we're both Have the same inner monologue And then one day you said
Starting point is 00:57:20 You were just like It doesn't Your first three years None of this matters All you need to do is Get comfortable on stage Yeah I'd say that
Starting point is 00:57:28 Yeah And it gave me such a permission To stop worrying about the jokes Cause I was so like And if I just say this Like this And you were just like It doesn't matter
Starting point is 00:57:36 You can tell when a comic Right Has fully They're fully comfortable on stage Because even if they're bombing They just The audience member Or somebody watching
Starting point is 00:57:44 Yeah You feel at ease Yes, that's right That's right That's so interesting And that's where you have to get to Yeah So in the beginning
Starting point is 00:57:52 It doesn't people write these I don't have a 20-minute set yet You know what I'm saying You're not gonna be able to get That to work Even if it's the best Writing imaginable Yes
Starting point is 00:58:00 Yes 100% I mean it's You said that to me And I remember you were the first person Who was like Helpful to me in any way And not trying to
Starting point is 00:58:08 Like Ari was stealing my backpack And David too Like people Were on stage And people would make fake announcements While I was on stage They'd be like There's a red civic blocking the drive
Starting point is 00:58:16 Like What? And it was like They don't do that They don't make it And I'd be like Does anyone ever red civic And then they'd come
Starting point is 00:58:24 And be like There's a blue civic And I'd be like Is anyone Like it was just I would be getting heckled by comics You know And so you were like
Starting point is 00:58:32 One of the first I mean probably the first person Why don't you have a podcast I don't You'd be so good at it That's so nice of you I just I don't know
Starting point is 00:58:43 Like it's I'm gonna say this right Tiger Belly This podcast Is the reason why I'm on a show It's the reason why I have a career Like I feel like you can't
Starting point is 00:58:55 Not have a podcast now But everyone has a podcast My audiences Have tripled On the road Just automatically You have to What?
Starting point is 00:59:04 You have to do one But everyone's got one It doesn't matter Because the thing is Well A lot of people do stand up too Am I funnier than them? Yeah
Starting point is 00:59:13 Yeah But you're a lethal combo You're a lethal Not funny Not just funny But you're Intellectual So smart
Starting point is 00:59:21 Yeah, you would kill it So I think there's You know You would kill it And you could get guests That I can't get too I mean you have that I mean
Starting point is 00:59:29 Will Smith Yeah I mean you could get guests That I can't get And that would be amazing But I mean Just think about it I just
Starting point is 00:59:37 Is it week? Yeah On Monday nights Weekly Just an hour out of the week We'll set it up We'll set it up for you I don't know
Starting point is 00:59:45 Why I have a block about it Here's another thing Is that It's shame I'm ashamed We're with all things comedy Al Magical And Bill Burr
Starting point is 00:59:53 Run it Yeah Oh yeah I just did Is Bill Bill Kreischer Is his cooking show Yes
Starting point is 01:00:01 That's on it Yeah Shagura Ari We're all a part of this And it's been the best thing I've done I have debilitating crippling perfectionism Yeah
Starting point is 01:00:13 So I remember one time Tim Ferriss Like asked me to do a solo podcast For him Like just in my house And I answered questions From people on Twitter And I stopped and started No
Starting point is 01:00:27 Like 40 times I was like Like I just have such I have crippling perfection I mean I need to work I'm not saying I want to stay stuck to that But
Starting point is 01:00:36 Listen in this podcast alone There was moments where I You know Where I could have been better But But I don't think that's what people I think people like The imperfection
Starting point is 01:00:44 Nobody likes broadcasting chops Nobody likes anyone who Like Nobody likes a winner Yeah That's true That's why you're doing so well No
Starting point is 01:00:54 You're a loser I think that's what people like Is they come to see your comedy To see them well polish it And they come to this To see you have conversations Yeah They just like
Starting point is 01:01:02 You know what I mean The chemistry It just helps people You don't have to be killing every No No, no, no The lulls are totally okay The lulls are great
Starting point is 01:01:10 The lulls are great So let's do the unhelpful advice Unhelpful advice with Bobby Kalyla Wow And Rick Cummings Wow Very good That's crazy
Starting point is 01:01:20 Second City, Chicago Go ahead Every time, man That was wild Yeah What's up guys I'm 22 years old Back in 2014
Starting point is 01:01:28 I was in a mosh pit At a cannibal corpse show And suffered a spinal cord injury I was paralyzed from the neck down In the hospital for seven months I'm never getting a podcast This is horrible So depressing
Starting point is 01:01:40 Those seven months Really messed me up mentally And I still haven't gotten over it I have a wife and a son That I feel like I probably That I can't probably provide for Due to lingering disabilities
Starting point is 01:01:50 I have from the spinal cord injury I did learn to walk again in 2016 But I still Can't really lift my arm So I can't work a job To provide for my family I'm very passionate about comedy And I would love to be a comedian
Starting point is 01:02:02 Or a writer But I live in deep Alabama Where there are no opportunities In that field My question is How do you guys suggest I get myself into a better place Mentally
Starting point is 01:02:11 And how could I possibly break Into the field of comedy You guys are the best From Alabama Well, I mean The number one thing Is that I want to say this Is that
Starting point is 01:02:19 It's so funny Oh my god That's a real I would say The first thing to do Is read a book On brain plasticity There's a new
Starting point is 01:02:29 In the field of neurology There's sort of this new Theory that is gaining A tremendous amount Of scientific support That if you imagine A part of your brain That has shut down
Starting point is 01:02:39 Or died in any way It stops working Another part of the brain Can actually pick up the flak And you can start using again So it's like if you imagine That a certain part of your body Is working
Starting point is 01:02:49 One part of your brain That is not normally Reserved for that motor function Will take it on and learn it So I would learn as much About brain plasticity As you possibly can Oh my god
Starting point is 01:02:58 What's your answer I would say what you said Mine first Because I should have said mine first You should have done it first Never mind No I mean
Starting point is 01:03:06 I have had That Brain plasticity Read a book Brain plasticity And then Right jokes about that I mean remember
Starting point is 01:03:15 When Robert Schimmel would do Jokes about his chemo Yeah And he had a whole show Where he would show pictures Of guys in the hazmat suits That wouldn't touch the stuff That was going in his veins
Starting point is 01:03:24 And he had this amazing job Where he was like You won't touch it But it's going in my blood It was heartbreaking But so funny And original And incredible
Starting point is 01:03:32 And Specific And none of us can do those jokes The thing about the comedy In that area If you want to do it Is that You know it's
Starting point is 01:03:43 You can just go to a coffee shop That you know And start your own night I just believe in movements And people starting from scratch Yeah I mean back in the 70s Like you know
Starting point is 01:03:53 Like when we went to Mitzi's Memorial You know what they did With the store Is a prime example Oh that's open Let's try to do Rent this you know
Starting point is 01:04:01 Or out And see if people You know Will come And people came Yeah Especially other comedians That had never done it before
Starting point is 01:04:09 And they started this thing You know So you could start it there And secondly Um I don't know That's it Brain's lost it is easy
Starting point is 01:04:18 Kyle what do you think How to get out of that mental hurdle I think that he has Great content already Surviving Having a spinal injury From a mosh pit I think that's great comedic content
Starting point is 01:04:29 To talk about Right Like he can kind of Just jump off from there And like you were saying It's like No one else can talk About a spinal injury
Starting point is 01:04:37 From a mosh pit But him And it's also I mean I do think To what you guys were saying It's like in order to be a comedian Anymore you don't always Necessarily have to be
Starting point is 01:04:45 In the club Like start with Instagram stories Do YouTube videos Like do it from wherever you are Like you'll find your audience Eventually
Starting point is 01:04:53 You know you don't necessarily Have to go to coffee shops Every night And with this fucking guy And you know There's a way that now I mean capitalize on the fact That we're in this time
Starting point is 01:05:01 Where you can you know Make videos from your house And stuff I want to see something Dumb right now Okay it's not Now You know what I mean
Starting point is 01:05:09 What was all that I was on Tony Hawk's Tony Hawk's Instagram today And he had a video up of Why What do you mean I follow him So I was just
Starting point is 01:05:18 You were just Yeah I was No I was on his way I was just going through all The people I follow And Tony had a video Of it looked like a dwarf Right
Starting point is 01:05:27 Skateboarding in a pool And he was doing like tricks And whatever But when I look close enough It was a man who had lost his legs Oh From the knees down And he had figured out how to
Starting point is 01:05:41 Skateboard You haven't seen a lot of dwarfs In your life What is that Did you notice there were no shoes Have you met Brad Williams Do you think they're just Forget it
Starting point is 01:05:55 Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it Forget it But yeah that
Starting point is 01:06:03 You want anything you want to plug Shows Movie Anything The movie that you're on Items Yeah I made a movie That happens to have
Starting point is 01:06:13 Brain plasticity Story line in it Oh wow It's called The Female Brain I wrote a book I don't know I have a podcast coming out Yeah let us know
Starting point is 01:06:23 Let us know Because what I would suggest to you is this Is that Get a podcast And then I would do Because you could do All the ones Like Chris Delia's ones
Starting point is 01:06:35 The Ovan There's so many people You mean you go on everyone That's what I do I promote it I've done all of them It's because it's a full time job It's not
Starting point is 01:06:43 You do it one time And it's like You know it's easy You promote it You do it once a week You have five people in your house Once a week You don't have to have cameras
Starting point is 01:06:51 You can just do an audio one Oh god damn it Whitney You're gonna fucking do it She's a show runner She's a show runner It's like there's just like It's just a lot of logistics It's so easy
Starting point is 01:07:02 What the fuck is that Is that a bomb? Like what is that There's so I can't have There's so many cameras in here This is giving me Fucking nightmares
Starting point is 01:07:11 There's so many wires But I want to say this too That you are a great Really really great guest Really? Yeah oh my god I feel like I'm I always feel like I'm podcasting
Starting point is 01:07:19 Bombing No it's not because I'll tell you why It's because I've done podcasts Where twenty minutes will go in And I go Is that it? Oh really?
Starting point is 01:07:27 Yeah I've Rarely do I reach an hour And go An hour? Over an hour? Oh good Yeah so it went by really quickly This is a short one
Starting point is 01:07:35 When I do Rogan It's like four and a half hour Yeah no we don't do that Yeah a lot of them are long Yeah But I want to thank you so much You are great Thanks it's smart to keep it tight
Starting point is 01:07:43 That's good That's good And that was the last time And that was great plasticity Around here Yeah a lot of brain plus I know Wait so what were there
Starting point is 01:07:51 No more questions? Nope that's it One and done Tight show It's not a four hour podcast Okay got it Give her a round of applause guys Thanks guys
Starting point is 01:07:59 Thank you When does this go out Do you want me to Tonight Oh it goes on tonight Okay we'll do a thing Thank you America I don't know
Starting point is 01:08:07 It's the demo We'll be right back We are back What a podcast She's amazing I love Whitney She's dope She's the best
Starting point is 01:08:16 But also she just Always feels like Such an ally to girls Oh for sure And women She shut Bobby down But you know like When you walk or sometimes
Starting point is 01:08:24 When you're around certain women You always feel like Perhaps there's like This sense of I don't know like competition You never feel that around her Every time I've ever Been around Whitney
Starting point is 01:08:36 She always feels like Your ally Yeah very much like a team player Yeah like She's down for the girl She's down for her For that I like that
Starting point is 01:08:47 Um puppy Puppy update What do we Gulp gulp gulp I'm sorry you've got me these Freaking peak hands From South Carolina South Carolina
Starting point is 01:08:56 South Carolina And they're so good And I can't stop eating them Charleston Charleston apparently not Supposed to say they are Charleston Charleston
Starting point is 01:09:04 Mollymepacans Puppy update Puppy is now five weeks I've fully weaned him from the bottle So I'm no longer playing wet nurse He usually Puppies don't go out For don't usually get adopted
Starting point is 01:09:18 Until they're about At least two months But in this case Because he's an orphan puppy With no siblings And no mother They're adopting him out sooner So if you're interested
Starting point is 01:09:31 In adopting Fritter Go to Mayday Rescue M-A-E-D-A-Y Rescue on Instagram And fill out an application Cool Any shows for Bobby? Bobby will be at
Starting point is 01:09:45 Seattle next weekend Yeah June 7th through 9th And then the weekend after that At San Francisco Punchline Cool And guys for all Classic clips and highlights
Starting point is 01:09:55 From our podcast Go to YouTube.com Slash Tiger Belly clips So all for Bobby's show days Make sure you go to Bybeleelive.com And you can find All Calylas
Starting point is 01:10:05 Instagram And social media at Calamity K And at Georgia and Georgia And Bobby at Bybeleelive And Bryce at
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