TigerBelly - Episode 180: Nick Rutherford is Sharkboy
Episode Date: February 6, 2019Bobo is Bhagwan. Nick jumps into mud. We talk Wolverine claws, serving tables, empires, puzzles, and getting kicked in the dick.Watch Bobby on ABC's Splitting up Together TUESDAYS 9:30/8:30cB...onus content every Monday:https://www.patreon.com/TigerBellySupport us by supporting our sponsors!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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Have you guys seen Abducted in Plain Sight yet on Netflix?
I want to know where his head is at
You gotta forgive him though
LA people in the rain don't know
Oh it is raining is it not?
There's a squall outside
What's the song?
Blame it on the rain
Milly Vanilly
Do you remember the other one?
Yeah
What other song?
Just give me the beginning of it
Just give me the first couple of words
Because when you said blame it on the rain, it escaped my head too
You don't know either
You don't know either
We sing it all the time together
And I was right about to say it
And then he sang the blame it on
I'm like oh fuck
Who did that whole joke about like
Did they kill themselves Milly Vanilly?
One of them did right?
Or is that like a
Remember Urban Legends used to be a thing before Google?
I heard that one of the guys had jumped off a building
And then while he was up on the building
Somebody yelled out
Are you gonna jump or are you gonna let somebody else jump for you?
That's a good one
That's an old one
Remember when Urban Legends used to be a thing
And you couldn't like you know
Cross-reference anything and you would just believe them
Right yeah because Urban Legends come from something
Before Google, before Snopes
Now you can look at Snopes and they can just debunk everything
What is an Urban Legend off hand?
Like that one Urban Legend
I'm sure I've told it on the podcast
And then that girl gets weird balls in her mouth
Hold on hold on hold on
I'm gonna pretend I'm not even in the room
What do I do?
Oh like casual
Like we haven't started at all
I guess I'll keep trying to fix this
Because we actually need to fix this
Fix the interference scope
Hi Nick
Hey what's up
Gilbert
Nice to meet you
I met once before at the Ice House
Nice to meet you
It's all you man
You see we got waters for you
We got coffees
We got all sorts of stuff
There he is
You said turn everything on Bobby
Turn everything on
Got it
It's gonna catch your predator
It's gonna catch your predator
Rutherford
Bowntown 64
Why don't you have a seat
Why don't you have a seat
Sit down sit down
Have a seat have a seat
Yeah so uh
I brought my Zimas
Yeah yeah
Where's Melody?
I was here to name Melody
Yeah
I didn't like the way his approach was
Who?
Chris Hansen
Yeah that was the big
Because I would be scared
Because you'd come out of a door
With the sexual predator
Yeah yeah
You know my problem with that
Chris Hansen
No I mean what he was doing was like
You know he was
He needed to do what he was doing
Because he's stopping you know
But just the way he would enter
Was a little shocking to me
Just out of nowhere I imagine
You're about to get
You're like you're like oh my god I got
You know
You're in a soft hand the predators
Yeah yeah
Yeah yeah
But I like that he would swoop in with a clipboard
And be like have a seat wouldn't you
Yeah yeah yeah
He had paperwork with him
Yeah yeah
Which is like cool
It was always like
You are a starmaster 69
Yeah
And you said
I want you to taste my cum
And he'd be like I don't know man
I'm here just to hang out
Yeah yeah
She needed a friend
I like that
Sometimes they go
No I just wanted to be her friend
Because
To try to protect her from people like me
You're a 50 year old man
You want to be friends
Yeah
And then you say
That was good Chris Hansen dude
And then I go
Yeah
Anyway
Nick have you seen him
Abducted in plain sight yet
No I haven't
But this isn't how the podcast goes dude
Oh we count down
How it goes we do the countdown
You don't say anything
I can be a part of the countdown though
No you're not a part of anything
You shouldn't say anything
Can I say three
No you don't even have to do that
Alright
Alright so
Before we start
We're not going to add this stuff
So we're not going to add what we said
So put that down man
That's not your fucking you
You want one
What are you saying
It's a ridge wallet
You know what those are
I'll show you
Seems like a mistake
Yeah that's not a mistake
So these are wallets that we all use
And it's got
You put your credit cards here
As RFID protection
Yeah
And you put your money here
You want one
I mean yeah
Yeah get them one
You're going Nick
I'm like can you get a stack of them
These are expensive dude
You got one for free dude
Thank you
We were sponsored by them
They're great
Don't open it now
Do it later
Yeah
Should I turn everything on
Yeah let's turn everything on
Until I say your name
You don't introduce
I don't get to say three or four
No this is just the rule
Okay
I love you dude
Thanks for coming
Hey man
Don't even touch me
Don't even touch with your fucking
You have skinny fingers
Did you lose weight
You look
Anyway let's go at the start
I got really into coke
Go ahead
Five
Four
Three
Two
One
What's going on
No
Three
Two
One
You're coming
You're coming
Here
Here
Go looking at me
Are you ready
Yeah
Fire
Fire
You're coming
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
Come on
welcome to the tiger belly I'm your captain Bob Bob Lee the
magnificent the translucent the forever one yes I'm a forever one we got
white that's him that's new yeah yeah we fuck white all right you're a shit
head remember that okay we got his cousin fuck white junior this one's my
favorite one this one right here is better than this one new and improved
right here Bryce we got fat flat was that yes that's right we got my girlfriend
Kaleila the princess of all lotus flowers we got me Bob captain Bob now
listen we've had so many guests on the show we've had maybe maybe a guest we've
had on the show modern families Eric Stone Street Stone Street we did it yeah
was he on time I think he was five minutes early yeah it was five minutes
early correct yeah yeah we've had some African-Americans right the director of
get out yeah he was on time correct ten minutes early that's great now the
biggest guess you've ever heard because yeah yeah now this next guy coming I've
done he's here already but I did a college gig with you remember that college
yeah I drove crazy rented a car yeah yeah and that was a weird gig but we had
fun we had a meal afterwards at pizza or something where they wrote you a
letter afterwards no that was a different yes that was one they wrote me a
letter saying no they wrote an article up do you read that article now where I
was yeah they're like I wasn't good right they know basically they just were
like furious furious about me your material because it was too crude to this
to that you know college kids yeah yeah yeah yeah I got the I remember there was
an article I read and I was really bummed about it
this next guy also was a writer on SNL he he was on a billboard a couple a month
ago what was that billboard by the story was your face right and it was some
sci-fi that sci-fi show yeah dream corp LLC dream corp LSE what channel was that
on adult swim adult swim yeah and you were that was a really good thing for
you just in terms of looking at that I was like and the busiest street on
sunset you're fucking big face there been on a billboard before if you're
weird I am no right you've been on billboards right one time I for animal
practice yeah I'm on a show now but they will put don't use me for the um what's
so funny fuck white huh the day I see you on a fucking billboard is the day I
die friend okay it's the day I die and I'm gonna say this right you're gonna buy
a tiger belly billboard I think there are you really there was a go fund me
and started on behalf of your desire really on a billboard I really want to
be on a billboard bad like but my own you know the way I want to drag we talk
about the issues in the world the one that's at the forefront of my mind is
getting you on a billboard yeah thank you thank you we need to go find me for
anything right my press for about yeah you have cheeks like a chipmunk right
you have you know I said pretty bunch hair you know you're a very funny young
man and you called me the other day because you're promoting something I'm
glad you did the research what you sent me you fucking texted me I actually
emailed you you know I didn't get the email but you texted me a photo of a new
movie that you're in yeah and it looks great it's very good yeah and what is
the movie called it's called the unicorn that's right the unicorn yeah right
that's the the horse with the thing in the head I was just in your bathroom you
have a drawing of a that's right I do I love them yeah I really love unicorns
it's all about unicorns no but there's really no unicorn on the poster though I
don't know how closely you looked at the poster
there definitely is a unit there is are you being real you yeah you may have
missed it because it's neon pink and it envelopes everybody on the poster right
yeah all I saw was six whiteheads of people actors okay here we go five no
I'm just no I'm not being that's what I saw I know I'm Mexican oh that's what
you are yeah that's right that's all right so you saw five white guys yeah yeah
yeah so then so this move when does it come out it came out this weekend it's
done when does this go up tomorrow night okay tomorrow is perfect because now
it's on it now it's on iTunes and Amazon oh it is yeah Tuesday so we can watch
it immediately you can watch it right now right yeah the unicorn what is it
about it's about me and Lauren Lapkus is my fiance she's very very funny and we
are kind of bored and boring people and we spend one night in Palm Springs we
kind of find out that her parents who are very much in love me have threesomes
oh yeah and so we're like fuck should we be doing that yeah everybody's rock hard
in the room right have you been in threesome I've never been in the threesome
you've never know who raised your hand anyone in the room that's been in
threesome right you just ask that price price yeah yeah price you were in a
threesome who's the third person George clearly George is he George wait you
guys really cousins and they are cousins yeah of course George has his cousin
working on this so you you were in a threesome with what was it two dudes and
one girl I can see that look the way he's cuz my threesome has been with two
guys every time every time two other guys yeah I did a I did a fivesome
okay with three guys and two girls it's not fun it's not fun at all I could
tell you that story and then I did a threesome with a guy named Michael
Burton and another comedian a female comedian and I forgot her I know her
name but I'm gonna say it because it's it's a little you forgot it I forgot you
forgot it but that was um because it's my ex girlfriend you mean Jade I do mean
Jade yeah no no it wasn't Jade what happened between you two oh god this is
like minute two don't wait first old Nick kind of just say this in my podcast
right I love you bro and that's let me say something right now there are people
that want to be on this podcast like we have a list of so many fucking people
that want to do it people give me shit about all the time I bumped people for
you to get on thank you I really what I'm saying to you right now I'm a fan of
the way I do it I'm gonna ask you questions about things that you might
not want to go if you don't know we can make you can we can cut it out no it's
fine I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings right cuz she's done ours
twice right you had jay twice yeah yeah yeah yeah cuz what movie shape her
money but it didn't end up terribly or I think it I think it saw the natural end
we were not making each other happy right we were we were we had so many
built-up resentments and we were just we were better off right yeah but you guys
don't talk or no we talk a little we talk a little bit because we have this
apartment in New York that we just rent but that we air B&B so there's always
the conversations are about like oh did you call the maid or should we let this
guy book the apartment like that well it's all very business yeah yeah because
I honestly thought and that we were this is we'll just we'll we're gonna brush
upon it we're gonna move on to the next thing we can get into it but I don't I
don't want to get into it I don't like it because she's you both are family and
I don't I don't even know I don't want to get into it right yeah yeah but we're
all family and there's no size of being take take take in here we love we love
everyone but um but I always thought that you two were gonna be forever well
you're terrible instinct yeah you can't read every room at all I mean I thought
I'd do it for like eight years or seven all right yeah you guys got a house
together who has the house it's my house right so she lives somewhere else I
don't care where she was yeah yeah she lives somewhere else she's comfortable
and happy and I you know I mean I wish are the obviously I wish you're the
best yeah I wish you're the best till well you're a friend you see her all
the time you're probably you see I see I do see her a lot I don't see you that
off I haven't seen you since we've definitely since we broke up that it
is true right yeah that's weird I know yeah because I always you know we go
ahead well because you always gave me great advice about her and the one
thing was you said let her don't take away Wolverine's claws do you remember
this because I'm a very jealous human yeah and she's a very magnum magnamious
yeah George like never know we make up words here all the time and that's that
put that down that's a man I'm a magnum as person yeah and she commands a lot of
attention and like I'm a very small and petty little worm yeah and so I was
always like why is she talking to somebody else and not me and you were
like don't take away Wolverine's claws you told me this at that at that at that
Italian restaurant after the college day yeah yeah yeah I remember that I
remember us just you and I were the only ones there sitting there after this
day we set a photo yeah yeah we did we set up a photo and I just remember just
eating with you and that was a memorable I don't know why oh it meant a lot to me
too no I'm being real no I am too I'm yeah yeah because I remember that photo
yeah I do Jersey or something yeah it was somewhere like yeah or it's North
Carolina it was Jersey it was Jersey from New York that's right it was New
Jersey I got like a go-kart yeah and this is when you were were you on SNL then
I was right on this you're riding on SNL and then I remember meeting you there at
the gig and we had that weird pizza but I don't know why there's different you
know things I've done so many things but I just remember that moment distinctly
here's another moment I remember when before you guys dated you and Jade and
being in Vegas with Jade and her talking about you oh my god this guy Nick
Rutherford and just I just remembered that distinctly as well you know well
what do you want is she gonna show up we're gonna move on from it okay it's
fine I mean again I don't I never want to take advantage of a situation or take
advantage of a human and so I just don't want anybody to be the butt of the joke
or yeah and we're not doing that I just wanted to because we're all we all know
each other and because this is the kind of podcast that I run we talk about
personal things we you know and if you don't like what we're saying you can we
could always cut it out for you but I don't think we've I don't know I don't
worry that we need to do that really right now I will know I don't think so
either I like you know I am not in love with Jade I will always be I will always
love Jade I think she's a great human yeah and she's insanely funny and
talented yeah and we and I know it sounds very political but we we just
weren't we weren't working out right yeah that's not it that's what we now we
we touched upon it now we can fucking move on from it and we that it we'll
never talk about it again okay friend okay yeah here's another thing I wanted
to talk about before we go into other things okay is I just want to know how
long you were at SNL and then why did you leave and all that kind of stuff I
was at SNL for a year yeah one year one full season 40 episodes yeah and I left
because they fired me and they didn't want me around there
well that's uncomfortable no it's not a comfortable I like my time there and we
weren't making each other happy anymore yeah yeah because I remember you telling
stories though yeah how cool it was like you were like oh my god Jim Kerry was
here and we you know or in you all these people that you were like that would
come into the office and you guys would write things and I just remember
feeling your excitement about it and then and then in my head you know and I'll
just be honest with you you know I thought that you were being treated
poorly there I think that number one right if you're gonna hire good neighbor
hire everybody okay yeah number two you're the one you were the didn't you
start good neighbor we all started a good neighbor you started it you started
I started good name right and also on top of it I'm gonna say that you know I
honestly view you as a legitimate comedy entity I think that you're very
talented and funny and you have this um you're a very nice guy but there's an
edge yeah there we go there's an edge about you that you know and but let me
say this too since you've got left you've been killing it thank you I agree
with you I don't I'm killing it and no I don't think it's like it wasn't a match
it was it didn't work and it's was fucked I mean we talked you were and I
don't know if you how much you know this but like at the time like Jade was
opening for you and so I would like maybe host or something or get a guest
spot right so there was a lot of like long beach sets where I would come with
you and I was in the middle of it like probably before I got hired and my
comedy team had been swept underneath me and like taken away and I got left out
and I was fucking wrecked by it I was really wrecked you were really really
smart and nice to me do you remember any of this I 100% that's why I'm saying it
right now because I remember you being to me even hearing about it it
devastated me because I liked you so much and I'm like this you know I just
doesn't make any really sense and then I'll just see you in that state must have
been so fucking weird and difficult I can't even do but you know what that's
what at the end of the day dude it's like Jeff Richards not that I'm plumping
you with Jeff Richards but there's a guy named Jeff Richards he was on mad TV
for seven episodes he's a good friend of mine he got let go then he did SNL for
couple years he got let go and then he spent ten years getting over trying to
get back into you know getting reps and trying to get back into the the business
because he was just so devastated by it but now I see Jeff on the road now he's
getting booked he's getting some he's getting some social media following and
he didn't quit like he he's persevering and he had some really fucked up
difficult times you know not that you went through that but what I when I see
you you know like on the bill when I was driving on the street I'm imagine and
looking at you after all the things I know that you went through it makes me
feel I'm being real now I want to cry almost I know I know it makes me feel
like oh I'm not gonna quit you know you can't quit quitting is that's when you
lose yes yeah yeah yeah there's been a lot of people have been like man you
just got kicked in the dick over and over again yeah and it's like yeah but this
is what I do I just get kicked in the dick and yeah yeah I'm really good at
getting kicked in the dick yeah but you're also good about putting your hands
on your dick after you got kicked standing back up and just getting right
into the camera right in the camera and go oh mama that's my thing yeah oh mama
guy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah oh mama but um yeah I think I do I just think
I'm just really happy for you dude thanks and then when you called me about
promoting this movie I was ready to reach out to you for maybe maybe two years
yeah you can put that cap anywhere it's on the ground now it's fine and then I
was very nervous I was like I know you have a reach and you guys like people and
I want people to see this film so that was really where it came out well you
know we and I would like to reach out to you in other ways like let's go get pizza
in a weird New Jersey here's what how you can help me okay here's how you can
help me one day I know you tell me this all the time right this is that and you
know and you know Papa's had a resurgence in the last couple years which I
don't think is warranted but go on
did that burn but then it didn't yeah right you know you know I laughed just
as a defense mechanism and I've got a little bit of rage but then it's
subsided and I'm happy again you know I'm on a show now you know I got this
I'm getting back into things it's great it's what never heard of the show I'm
on a sitcom what's the sitcom it's called splitting up together it's an ABC
show meet Jenna Fisher Jenna Fisher Pam yeah who who yelled at me the other
day by the way really well I don't say this story I want to because we're made
we made up it was it was my fault it was warranted it was warranted and I fucked
up I apologize she did this because this is everything I wanted to say to you for
the past six years yeah yeah so this is what happened so there's this lady that's
on our who guest stars her name is Monica Barbaro oh top gun and she's on the
new top gun movie but she she plays the love interest of Oliver in the show
that I'm on right and because of her tops done schedule we had to shoot all
her coverage weeks ago on a weekend right and then we did all our coverage
this week so we you're acting to like an AD yeah AD basically right and also in
the coverage that we have I don't say anything it's just reaction of her
talking or her singing a song whatever right and I'm just going you know
whatever you know that that's not what I did but you know but in what takes I
didn't say I don't know my mom you burn the lens and I have this habit and it's
not a good habit and and it's funny because I know that people have been
annoyed by my behavior in previous you know jobs that I've done what's the
habit is I just if it's not my coverage I will say the lines and I have my
lines memorized and I'll give you everything but I also tweet and look at
Instagram and I play games you know I mean yeah it's not even when they're
it's rolling it's just like but in this particular time I know that there was a
three-shot on Jen a bunch of people right and I was off to the side I know
that I wasn't on-screen but you know I mean I still had to be there yeah yeah
sure so I just started playing this game called empires and puzzles right we all
know it shout out yeah yeah yeah it's a great game so it's not you know me and
playing it and then just just go just Jenna just goes Bobby what the fuck are
you doing she's not wrong I know she's not and I was so embarrassed then that
was like the last take so I got up and I just walked away and I went to craft
servers I just start pacing like what the fuck are you doing what did you do what
are you doing Bobby you know I like her she's so nice I love working with her
and she did that and then and then she got on a bus and she went away so I
couldn't even say she got in a bus you know the van to go back to the cane
but then the next day I walked up to her and I go I am so deep and she was she's
like oh yeah I she's like you just you know just don't do that like yeah I'm
not gonna she's like I love you I know you know everything was good yeah but
that she needed to do she somebody well it's very boring it's like very very
boring to be on a set it's so fucking slow sometimes yeah so you got to get
into questions and kingdoms what is it what conquerors and parts and puzzles
comparison puzzles yeah another thing that they do and I'm not complaining but
this is what you're gonna want to cut out by the way no I'm not gonna cut out
no I talk about this all the time okay okay I love the show and I love being on
it and they know that I do and everyone loves me and everything's great and I
show up on time and I know my lines okay I'm gonna say this okay is that the
other day maybe a month ago there was a scene late night we're shooting at night
and my wife on the shows her name is Lindsay Price and we're sitting there
for hours going I don't know why we're here right and she's like yeah but I
think we just they haven't told us that we're done and then some guy goes some
guy that is a craft service or what he goes hey what are you guys doing or
they're your car because we have a Tesla in the show that and it's gone from the
driveway which means oh you guys are not yeah why are we even there at this
house so I went up to the director and I go this is three hours and he looks you
know what are you doing here they didn't wrap you like yeah for like hours he's
like not after what you pulled a Jenna yesterday no but that was before so they
just do those things like that you know I mean this should happen this should
happen all the time on Dreamcorp to like you know the Hollywood thing hurry up
and wait yeah you're you're always on call and then you basically spend most
of your time sitting down being nervous about fucking something up yeah right
yeah that's the whole game that's the whole game yeah what I did that you know
that movie that I did with the car that whether not the Kardashians but the
Joanns Jo Naskins that the the Australian boys oh yeah I did a YouTube
movie right and I got there at 4 p.m. 9 a.m. the next day I still hadn't shot
like that full day a full day went by they didn't tell you like and that night
yeah at 9 a.m. I kind of I said slept and wander I was light out and wonder
you know how you sleep for a long time you go where am I what day is it and I go
to the lady I go I'm sorry I fell asleep like six hours but I got here
yesterday at five and I go what's going on who's this lady but yeah yeah and she
goes oh you're not we're not shooting you now you'd no one told you it moved on
to the thing you know they're gonna get your coverage you know whatever and I'm
like what the fuck but that's you know that's what that's YouTube movies though
I didn't catch that one yeah yeah yeah I'm waiting for my red account to what
don't be mean about it because you fucking awesome hey Amazon or something
if you're here that ricketing but it's crazy that you're in a film with or
you're in a show with Jenna fish with Pam because the one of the EPs of Dream
Corp is Jim from the office John Krasinski really yeah oh that's weird
and he's awesome yeah he's great yeah he's really rad who's that I love that
movie the quiet place quiet place oh crap he's very he wrote it and he started
it right that movie was a fucking amazing yeah it was really really good did
you see hereditary yes stop everyone stop everyone stop you too would you like
it I don't know if I know what happened during it but did you like the movie when
you walked out I was very shook me too yeah I didn't like I was very
uncomfortable yeah me too yeah I just saw very similar vibes I think enter the
void you seen that oh don't watch it why it's this movie by this guy gasp his
first name is gasper by the way gasper no I think no he did the other movie was
it love yeah he did so much yeah some of his stuff is like normal palatable
stuff and other stuff is like this movie is like about a guy who dies while
tripping on DMT oh tripping through like Tokyo what basically like watching his
existence and like he's like a spirit rolling through so he sees his sister and
the shit she's going through and like fucking gnarly it doesn't ever let up and
you're like what else what else can we have and then it's like oh here's a live
abortion that we're gonna show you I swear to God it's not even that none of
this is funny the yeah yeah and then it ends usually live abortions are funny
but yeah but not this one not the way they show yeah yeah and then yep that
should be there yeah you gotta be there yeah there's no color there was no color
guy and then it ends with you you're in a vagina and coming at you so you're in
like oh no no no there's really a penis had coming at you yeah and then it's like
please don't come on me and then it comes on you no they show calm yeah oh
you're bathed in it by the end it's I saw as a viewer you're bathed and calm
I saw it in Ford Ford II had just guys that in front of your car yeah it was me
but yeah I was standing though that's what you're asking wow so you would you
wouldn't recommend that it's really it's a real rough rally yeah that's also two
hours and like 30 minutes like way too long it's very there's no they don't let
you up and that was the same with her editor is just like please let me out
of this movie yeah yeah yeah and then like that when she's on our fucking own
neck yeah so gnarly so gnarly yeah I found that movie to be and then people
say it's a piece of shit this and that people all the time I had comics I've
had comics go I walked out or I hated that movie or I'm like I saw it three
times in theater that's how much I loved that movie I liked it I want it I'd like
that type of stuff yeah it's not I wouldn't feel good yeah it's not a good
movie and I don't need it to be a feel-good movie yeah that's like
requiem for a dream I can only watch yeah all I remember is Marlon brand Marlon
Wayans is ass oh his naked ass on the bed that's the only thing I remember of
it oh yeah the chopped off arm I remember but also Marlon Wayans is ass I
don't remember that or just even do you want to talk I think he's ass Marlon
Wayans is really like moving on to this I have to say in that movie and I've
told them this before good ass like in terms of I'm being real I mean this is
a roundabout way to get to Marlon Wayans ass to open up with hereditary yeah
cuz I knew she was gonna bring up yeah Marlon Wayans ass what a great ass
good threading yeah I don't remember is he getting is he also doing something
that is one do because of drugs probably yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah no I
don't I don't remember him being I think the hour yeah yeah yeah but the most
disturbing part was the mom oh the mom and what's her name what's her name again
Ellen person oh my god right in that yeah when she's like it's like like it's
almost like a like a security camera and she's like in the in her kitchen like
moving sure I'm just obsessing over that one show over and over yeah and that the
show starts talking to her yeah baby on the ceiling oh yeah if you haven't seen
it hey guys if you haven't seen it that's it's a must-watch one at least one
time it's Arnav ski right that he did black swan oh I like he did the wrestler
didn't do the wrestler the wrestler the wrestler would make it work I think he
did that as well you didn't like mother oh you don't like was he did mother I
like mother because I like that it was like this poem the whole thing was this
like weird poem about yes allegory about women and like how people like you use
them up and I don't you know I walk out of that movie crying it's really I get
I totally got well it's more like art in my right but I like that I mean I also
thought the shots were just crazy like going from the war to the thing and then
then it goes too much like with the baby yeah it's really rough I saw one if you
haven't seen it Nicholas Cage's Mandy no Mandy oh Mandy's great dude did you see
Mandy flat face oh my god yeah it's like a flat hey flat-flat hey flat-flat
Mandy dude have you seen Mandy fuck white he's one oh yeah I showed you
brother I told you watching the theaters it was on theaters for a minute you saw
in the movie there no I want to oh yeah dude there's let me see something about
Mandy dude number one from the beginning of the movie you're like okay this is an
complete LSD trip just in terms of choice the color there was also somebody
saturated those are somebody that kind of knew what he wanted to make you could
tell that up front sometimes you watch a movie you go oh they don't really know
what they they really want to do right it shifts you know yeah but this guy
right from beginning you're like okay I'm in good hands because this guy this
is he knows what he wants to do yeah he wants to make a statement right and it's
a revenge movie which I love which I love revenge movies you got a hate box I
haven't don't you have a hate box I know you tell me to have a hate box I told
you that yeah what did I say this was outside of like the improv remember oh
I remember all this is like this is when we really started to become friends I
think yeah before the New York trip but we were outside of the like Long Beach
improv or something yeah maybe in that like alleyway smoke there isn't one but
let's just suppose there isn't we're at the long the long beast no I don't think
it was a laugh factory oh it might have been a laugh factory with the with the
thing yeah yeah yeah yeah with the carousel and I was in the middle of like
figuring out what that meant to not be brought on with all my buddies onto this
cool show and you were just like just pack them all into a hate box close it
up pack them deep inside your heart yeah in retrospect terrible advice but you
were like cancer I've been here yeah turns it yeah turns into the first show that
part yeah yeah and I was like it was just right you were very you know you're
very nice and cool and you got it and you're like dude we all get fucked over
and it's okay like that's basically what you were saying but no no well it you
know I think I'm saying it wrong it's not a hate box what it is is it's a hate
engine oh it feels you right you put the the resentments and the hate and all
that you don't lash out on people you put it in this engine and it motivates you
to it's like going right it's like Cole you're there you're the snow piercer
that's exactly wow that's another good movie and that's a good fucking
reference yeah I'm a train right and you're basically and you can't stop if
you stop you die so you put that's another good one that we should write a
book you and I I'm down what certain types of sharks they can't ever stop
moving or else they'll die yeah you got to keep going and every once in a while
you gotta you kind of go why am I doing all this even this podcast I just sit
around sometimes I wonder that too and you go oh no I gotta keep it going
this is all a part of well it is very much if you're like I feel like I'm a
shark like not in the sense that I'm like eating things but yeah like if I
don't stop working like my whole life my whole identity is based on work from a
very young age like I just work and so if I don't work who am I anyway that
sounds like a good time for a commercial break
Ridge wallet um just on the side is your brother okay yeah he's okay he's okay is
that not no no he's okay actually like if we get on time I'm gonna go watch him
do an improv show in LA also he's is he sober he's sober well he's clean he's
not sober but as long as he's doing better yeah that's the most important
thing and that's another thing that I identified with you with because I
would remember when my brother Steve oh yeah how's he's doing great he has his
own chat show that he produces that's called the Stevie Webe show well he
always was an amazing artist like yeah yeah like yeah I think he had a good
outlet he's a good outlet but he's a funny guy he does oh he's so sweet he's
a sweet you know you know Steve yeah yeah yeah yeah and he he's got 10 years
sober now and no he I'm so proud and happy to be his brother because you know
he could have ended up dead yeah right if you just well you have a you could
have ended up dead at some point no we don't talk about it yeah think about it
I'm on my way no do you look you look great like you you're not used to be a
little chunkier you have a yogi's body yeah you're thin I do a lot of you
look really good right now and happy almost I'm very happy I'm dating somebody
now hence the yogi body is she hippie hippie or what no she's not hippie
well that's not true she is reading Osho yeah yeah she's a baguan no she's
not she's like a linguist she's like in like the academia she's like oh wow yeah
she's how do you meet someone like that at a party just a part not even
interesting story I was trying to make up a funny version of the reality but it
was just like got a party at a he died right yeah we watch it together and then
recently we traveled together and we found this book from Osho yeah and she
was like I want to read this and now she's way into it she's very spiritual
but she's also very intelligent like she's a smart girl but Osho had a lot
of great messages I think he was okay yeah I think she was she was like you
know she was trying to make it a thing and it was becoming a thing I also think
he's maybe creepy so I like I take a little bit of what he says with the
grain of salt yeah he was a really brilliant man with still the messiah
complex yeah yeah yeah he loved being a dork when you see him dancing with like
yeah women it's like Rolls Royce yeah yeah this guy is not Jesus no and nobody
will be can we take a quick prayer do you think I have the ability to be baguan
to be that type of figure I would say you're on the way I would say do you
think I have the ability you literally just have to say anything and own it
like you just say something and say anything else is because I'll be honest
with you I'm full of shit so was he I know but like little things that I tell
young comics and people I have young comics coming to me all the time oh like
you just did oh yeah back in you know 2003 you said this to me
Ari Shafir used to write the things I used to say to him and put it in like a
poster as advice and put it on the you know that was his like vision board right
right and I do that right because I want to pretend that I'm this guy that's been
doing comedy for so long that I have knowledge but at the end of the day I
don't know nothing but I think that it's really like Baguan's a perfect example
of knowing how to relay a message he was very like prophetic in that way where
it's like he commanded your attention even though what he was saying like was
probably equally as profound as the next guy yeah but he had an essence about him
he he had like he you know he just captured your ears in that way and I
think you do too yeah that's truly it and if you have a strong message that's
all people want the other day you convinced us that the reason Asians put
their hands behind their back because they made special belts that hide and we
all believe you want a 20-minute like history lesson we're like yeah because
they were like how why do old Asian men walk like this sometimes every once in
a while ago this is time for a lie see if you can do it yeah and I said they're
like that back in the day a thousand years ago all Asian men in Korea
especially especially felt right and they would hide their knives in these two
slots behind their back right I don't believe in it and people would like
walk like that and if anyone was walking like that you knew not to fuck with
them because he had these knives in the back a back of them and over years of
doing it now just people just do that so all the younger Koreans are now
genetically predisposed to walking in that way because of the knives yeah and
I sat there and I was like wow I didn't know that she's trying to add
information like oh that's why I squat yeah that's literally what it takes to
be a guru just make stuff up like that like even Eckhart told babe I know we
love him yeah but the guy's foolish it is a perfect example shit yeah yeah well
I'll tell you why I know Deepak Chopra is a full of shit and it broke my heart
because you know he you know he had his own center in La Jolla where I lived and
I ran into a couple of waiters you know just front when I was living down there
and they said oh yeah he comes to a restaurant and he doesn't tip I like
that that's where it takes down no but to me though yeah to me is if any somebody
doesn't tip well oh yeah there's a part of the there's something there's a
selfishness or something about them that's not they're not generous or you
know they don't get there they're so disconnected to the working class they
don't know what it's like do waiting tables I think is the one of the hardest
fucking job everybody should have to wait yes yeah yeah because have you used
to do it right oh yeah for years oh my yeah right and I kind of you ever miss
it well you mean being slammed yeah being slammed coming back from break
and somebody's like at table 14 I never got their guac and blah blah yeah I love
that shit like you're like oh man like spin all this place I love that you are
shark wow well I mean like I it's I know now looking back it was a it's rose
colored glasses like that was fun to have like a community and like take your
30-minute break and like have two margaritas at the bar and then yeah I'm
very much happier now and but like there's something about it that's very
romanticized struggle I really yeah yeah me too yeah yeah when you're when you
have like 12 sections and table number eight goes can we get some catch up and
then you'll get you're out to get catch up then within two other tables stop you
can I get ice we don't have a spoon right now you have three things right but
then now food is coming for a different table and you can see it on the thing
right and now you're running around like a fucking madman and it doesn't let up
and never let's it never lets up right it was like a they were like what we do
now it's hard to define success or not right but that it's successful if you
get them their orange chicken or whatever it was you were serving them so
what's up what's up oh I just a random no but I'm just saying though why orange
chicken oh just a first thing yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah so let's say Kung Pao
chicken okay yeah yeah so you're bringing them general
so's chicken right I'm just saying I'm random food I just want anyone to listen
and then you're laughing a little too hard on that and I like it I like what
you're doing but my point is this is that the thing is is that this thing is
this all right is is that I served American food go ahead where do you work
Brockton Villa it was in La Jolla I was at a cove this La Jolla like San Diego
right not in Beijing not that La Jolla is that we're saying not Beijing I did
it okay now you're getting a little defensive it's La Jolla right okay can
we cut that one yeah I served at BJ's pizzeria oh wow macaroni grill and then
what's that big place in the Beverly Center it's like no it's like the
you don't even remember what it was called Grand Luxe cafe yeah yeah yeah
yeah all on fancy cheese for like a full year and a half okay I go to the
Grand Luxe in Vegas inside of it's okay it's like a nice it's good it's a nice
cheesecake yeah it's a better than cheesecake factory do you want to know
why Grand Luxe cafe exists because cheesecake factory was so popular but
cheesecake factory had this contract with wherever it was like Caesar's I think
that they could not open a second seat cheesecake factor within 10 miles but
they were so popular so they made a new restaurant con concept called Grand
Luxe cafe exactly the same exact thing the menus huge the servings are fucking
huge yeah yeah and they were like we're just gonna do something slightly
different and then be while they successful too and Grand Luxe cafe has
never closed in it's like a 25 restaurant they have friars that have never
ever been not frying food since the day they open sharks yeah sharks yeah a guy
went to high school with Kevin Shull one day he bragged to me because he does
like he works at a place where they they do walls that they they draw on walls
like art and he goes yeah we did the lines on the Grand Luxe cafe like the
little curly lines like the drawing and I go I don't give a fuck it's very fine
work it is fucking brag about that you write like articles about the inside of
it of cheesecake factories how they do yeah like that's a big missing out then
it's like a mishmash of everything and like the Renaissance period I like that
yeah just have mashup like they forget like hand blown glass from Italy yeah
they're like really and also when you work there like you're getting trained
by a corporate trainer who's like this is the best restaurant in the world
you're just buy into it immediately yeah you're in but it's so funny that you
waited because I don't see you because I feel like there is an edge to you like
not I mean not that you're bitter but there is an edge to you that I just
can't see you waiting tables really did you ever snap no I never snapped I waited
tables I delivered pizzas like I was service industry guy wow that was way
into it but there was one so I had to work at Grand Luxe cafe at the Cheesecake
Factory and Beverly Center on New Year's Day and I didn't know why I did
obviously did not want to but it's a very like it's like high-end casual it's
very weird so you have to press your shirt so I woke up like I crashed in my
buddy's house I woke up at like nine in the morning to go do the breakfast shift
and I was fucking hungover and my buddies were like didn't have to work so
they're just like ripping bongs and like watching football and I pressed a shirt
I shaved had to be shaved I never shaved yeah I was like cleanly shaved I
pressed the shirt like I brought start spray like I was planning on going to
work right yeah and then they're like oh hit a bowl and I like kind of I smoked
a little bit of weed and I was like and they were just like have fun at work and
I stepped outside and it rained the night before and I came up with this plan
which is if I just jump into mud like I'm fully prepared if I fall into mud
and show up to work covered in mud they're gonna send me home I can't if I
say I'm sick they're gonna be like you're hungover coming to work or you're fired
why if I show up like I'm here my shirt is pressed I'm covered in fucking mud
what do you want to do they're gonna have to be like oh my god we're so sorry go
home yeah so I went outside the house and just dove into mud you did it yeah
yeah it was very funny yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like this is perfect your
friends oh they were loving it yeah yeah yeah we were like talking about the
right angle to go in and then I'm just like driving to work covered in mud like
just laughing like I'm the smartest guy in the world and I show up in my the
manager goes um holy fuck what happened to you what's going on you're covered
in mud I said yeah I was parking over there and I was running because I was
running a little late and I was running I tripped on this little fence and I
fell into mud and he goes there's no yards around here oh shit it's not
there's no like where did you fall into mud it's like the middle of last thing
there's no yeah it's all concrete oh and I just kind of freeze and I don't
know what to say and he goes I'm kidding man that sucks and he passed me on the
back and we'll just give you a bus or uniform you can work in that really that
was high like that it didn't work it didn't work at all oh no I you know to
me that doesn't even sound like it would fucking work it sounds like it would
totally work how can you say you can't imagine if you were her if you were her
limped in right but dirty clothing it's like oh we'll find something for you
and also we're in a mall right go to H&M we're in a mall there's a thousand clothing
time yeah through you fucking asshole I know I okay well I was I was 38 at the
time here's another here's another thing I wanted to say is is that there is
nothing more satisfying than working at a restaurant doing a slam shift right and
then afterwards no matter how much you're making tip-wise when you leave like I
used to smoke cigarettes and after my shift I used to go to the Cove after a
long fucked up day and just sit there and smoke a cigarette and just thank God
it's over you know so I worked my ass off yeah to make this hundred dollars right
in my pocket but that was like $100 right huge huge and how satisfying I don't
feel like that in show biz I know right this is what I'm talking about this one
time I really like romanticized struggle and like you have something in your hand
at the end of the day yeah and you go to the bar and you're like hey here's your
tip-out 30 bucks have a good one like you feel like you're a kingpin yeah it's so
amazing everybody hates their job nobody wants to be there and like we all shit
on the customers and like you know you you're doing a good the best job you can
nobody's like spitting in food every ass thinks like you spit in food that never
fucking ever have never happened I did that's not sure he like ground cockroaches
and put him in some coffee no no I we had a cockroaches and the expresso
dryer and so yeah so the beans and the cockroaches would like you know and then
you put the hot steam into the talking about a snow piercer yeah that was yeah
that's again I'm sorry it's a perfect protein yeah but there is you know and
here's another reason why butter coffee yeah well why it felt good is because you
know I'm not lazy you know when you do it no when I when I gave you a base
probably when I used to wear tables and I used to be slammed and I would sit
there on the cove and smoke a cigarette in my head is like you you're you you
manned up you showed up you worked hard you clocked in clocked out and you made
this money that you earned and there is a sense that's all I'm saying yeah you
got the shit yeah now I'm so lazy you know and you're on set playing video
games yeah yeah I just you know I like be on a game like the game I'm playing
and it'll a special offer you get three knives and like you know a thing for
$50 like oh yeah fuck it yeah I just buy it you know man Pam has to pull you
aside to be like come on man right do you want to be waiting tables yeah I know
but you know what there is a you and I're similar that way I do miss it a
little bit I do miss I like the camaraderie that comes with it I like
them wrong the shit I gotta cover your shift cuz you're gonna cover my shift
like I like that community I like a community yeah but what is it like now
it's none of that right now you show up put makeup on your face I'm not that I'm
no Bobby Lee I'm not that big like I still have to like work and like it you
know and fuck me tell you I mean there certainly are times when you okay when
you're standing up now okay it's dangerous you're right you're right in
many ways I've been I've been blessed okay but I've had some hardships myself I
know we both have okay so I just want I don't know why just stood there stood up
should I say that but you know I've had some hardship and you know I'm not gonna
quit I know but none of this is this room is gonna quit well you're not gonna
quit because you used to serve tables and you'd be in the shit and you had
three tables that just got sat they sat you three tables on tall like bar tops
and you're like why the fuck would you say me I just came off a break and you
still made it work this is what we do yeah we make it work I even I've been
thinking about just just I just had this thought that you and I one day we
should collect some of our money from this podcast and open up a restaurant and
be slammed and be slammed and just feel like see if we could make it happen I
I've always wanted to open a restaurant yeah I like a Filipino breakfast
restaurant I feel like that's what's missing so I give in the Bay Area you
always have like the top sea log and all of that but you don't have it here yeah
let's not let's get brought I always had this dream of doing that and so I'm
actually not kidding I'm down but just don't throw all the work on me I feel
like I did yeah but I want to make he's the face I'm the face of it I'm not
gonna be like Treyhoes tacos so aggressive donuts you know I mean how
many businesses that fucking guy have Danny Treyo I've never been no but I
see his time I've never been to any of everywhere are they good people go there
I've had the tacos all right yeah but I love breakfast burritos as you know
Bobby's burritos and there was a place that I go sometimes you know I'll get
wrapped early at Warner Brothers Toluca Lake restaurant yeah and and I'll drive
deep into Burbank and there's a place called the country cottage and it's
not a cottage and there's nothing country about it it's a fucking hole in the
wall oh nice it's a little hole in the wall it's this Asian man with tattoos on
his fingers right and then 12 Mexican dudes that are like mid-20s and they're
just making breakfast burritos seems like too many cooks right no but they
all have you can tell that they're yeah I'm being real they're all have this like
a magical like that's a routine where they're just making because everyone
wants to eat there right I'm telling you right now I'm my mouth is watering
right right now I want to go tomorrow morning have you ever had tacos via
corona yes I keep telling him and he will not go because they close at 2 p.m.
which is yeah they shut down when they run out of water you she's been telling
about the fucking place for it since I met him the first day that's what you're
gonna say that's a fucking best wait wait the may make sure I could have the
company that story just died yeah they're open but there's neither morning but
let me ask you about tacos cake ok what I remember yep the a corona and out
water yeah corona you're talking do you have breakfast burritos are yeah that's
all they do that's all they do and it's great yes they're like $3 damn they're
that good what's in it potatoes fried beans egg and then after that it's up
to you nopales bacon steak what is it a cactus cactus I don't do it cactus it's
so good nopales is really good it's very good yeah but you know she's been
saying that place for years I've never gone I want to go there date I want to
go tomorrow we have to be close tomorrow you woke up today at 5 p.m. but here's
the thing here's the thing though he's so plain destiny no wait didn't you play
destiny we used to play dude and I remember Jade and I used to just cry
together we play twice we play twice he didn't he didn't have a good game more
than you did yeah I didn't have any gear you know gear right and we go right
I jump on my little like speeder and I did not a play and you're just like yeah
we're going to there the lord of the internal moon base it's like fuck man
yeah yeah you gotta say I know you'll be fine and then you guys would just kill
everybody I would die multiple times but that was fun though those little
moments of playing they're very fine yeah but um yeah um you don't play
anymore now red dead or nothing I'm in the smash again I'm in a smash bro yeah
this is why I got excited when I saw this you don't have smash brothers do you
I don't have it but I'm gonna tell you something about this device they're
called what are they called switches and I've been playing stardew valley I
didn't know what that is it's a simulation gas she hates it right
stardew valley yeah I actually think it's cute it's a farming game and you have
a farm oh and it really like farmville it's not it looks a little bit like um
animal crossing a little bit but um it's not just a farming game alright
there's mines to be explored you can go below this there's creatures to fight
you have a wife your children you have a wife right next to you right now my
beautiful girlfriend yeah yeah do you take care of her you know how many times
oh you fucking do you know how well he feels care he's gonna stand out how well
he takes care of penny and Haley his wives on there how do they do you know
their names oh god I gotta go up to Haley because she's all and I'm like
fucking Haley I swear yeah well I married the blonde one Haley but she's her
she's the most ungrateful wife I've ever fucking she's a librarian right yeah
penny helps the kid she she babysits kids in the library sure and she's got
but but yeah we know we know penny yeah yeah yeah yeah but Haley you know what
she does what her favorite item everyone has a favorite item right yeah her
favorite item is pink cake right pink cake pink cake oh pink pink cake with
pink no it's a cake but that's pink a pink cake are we talking about the same
thing right now no not pussy right so what Haley does to find her every day
is she just sits there by a tree right she doesn't do anything and so I you
know I married her and she's this is the first time you've lit up this whole
podcast she says it's so excited she says things in it that like she says
things in it that's like ridiculous she goes yeah my sister tried to feed me
parsnip soup and you know I don't like health food hey like did she like breakfast
burritos you should take us via Corona yeah yeah do you ever go to Dune next
to there too I like Dune there's a lot down fuck you man there's a right it's
okay pretty good what do you get when I ate meat I get there the rap that you
always get yeah yeah yeah right the same one the falafel they're bread they're
whatever that like they're their pita whatever that is is so good so Nikki
what I want to say to you earlier forgot to say this is that I feel like that's
what yeah the lamb me I feel like you're gonna grow I think you're gonna
produce shows and I'm so let you know I'd like to work with you that's not gonna
happen man anyway thanks for having me okay yeah man well I emailed you I don't
know if you know it's your email yeah yeah yeah Billy at Billy dot com she's
gonna let you know that Ferguson was bus Craig Ferguson was bit tonight but we
have tomorrow we bumped are you bumped him yeah that's great okay I'm glad he's
still doing comedy now at the end of our podcast we do a thing called unhelpful
advice it's a email people ask questions and we give them advice it
doesn't have to be helpful it can be whatever you want I'm yeah so go ahead
Gilbert unhelpful advice with Nick Rutherford second city this is from
always promoting that's cool holy shit Chicago second yeah this is from a female
listener we'll call her HB I have a co-worker who I became extremely close
friends with throughout that time I made myself emotionally available for her in
times of hardship in her life and really made an effort to be as good of a friend
as her as I could when a traumatic event came up in my life she was nowhere to be
found I literally know that I felt unwanted as a friend and she expressed
that she didn't have the emotional capacity to be there for me in the same
way it just felt unfair and she completely withdrew from the friendship
after that and basically replaced our friendship with another co-worker it's
hard because I constantly have to see right work and we don't say anything to
each other anymore as the slut can as the slept king and the dawn what should I
do love you guys HB that seems like a TLDR for me what's a TLDR yeah too long
didn't read so she had a friendship that was burgeoning then it didn't didn't work
out friend was not there it wasn't there was no reciprocity yeah there was
betrayal that's what I saw and at the end of every betrayal there needs to be
victory so yes so how does one become victorious well you have to win I don't
know what the dynamics of your work is I don't know where she works but at the end
of the day you have to come up and you have to show this woman that you know
that it's her loss okay yeah I agree with you right I agree with you moving on
in the sense of moving on that's not what I'm saying revenge revenge he wants
John why yeah my my girlfriend is very much smarter than me in a lot of ways
and one of the things she's like I like I don't know about you I imagine we're
very similar and so when somebody like you're trying to be friends with somebody
and they don't you're making a lot of weird no I'm not trying to listen to what
you're I try to listen to what you're saying when somebody like for me when
somebody I'm like trying to become friends it's really hard to talk when
somebody has any pushback of being my friend cuz I'm like I have no I've
everything to offer and nothing like I'm just one friend yeah and if there's any
pushback I it makes me want to be their friend more yeah yeah and my girlfriend
has said like the best thing you can do is wildly ignore them and then they will
come around the whatever they're whatever so HB your friend or your ex
friend is dealing with their own insecurities has nothing to do with you
and it makes you want to to win you want a victory so you're gonna keep on
pushing after that friendship you're gonna keep on chasing that friendship best
thing you can do move on entirely fucking cold her like cold case her
immediately move on that's the way and she'll come around that was the right
one yeah yeah that's exactly what it is dude yeah you know yeah you have to it's
crazy and I'm not that I'm not that type Johnny Sanchez was my guy your best friend
Johnny Sanchez back in the 90s there was a comic and he was the dang cook of the
comic store he was on fire did the dang cook of the guy he really wasn't like the
dang cook of like the lab factory yeah yeah that's funny and he was on fire and
everyone used to all the young guys dormer used to follow him around you
know want to be his friend I would call him he would never call me back I prayed
to God right to that he would be my best friend I remember going on my hands and
knees please God I love this guy this guy's the coolest and then I just one
day just said fuck this fuck I mean he's a nice guy he's very funny guy and then
I just went the opposite direction I just started doing my own thing and then you
know years later I helped him get on mad TV and this and that but at the end of
the day you know I don't chase I don't even think about him I see Johnny and I
hug him and I love him but I just it's like you know I just I completely moved
on from it and again and now we're friends I love him but I don't have that
anymore with that it just you got to do that yeah because I think it's really
unattractive when someone appears needy yeah of your time you know of your
affection or whatever it's just yeah it seems exhausting so yeah I just stand
and I need to say something announcement this is just came to it
just occurred to me it just occurred to me and I want to say this into them the
camera are you standing I don't know why that's maybe so I know I saw your face
maybe so fucking angry just now I thought you were to jump the fuck yeah I
didn't thought that's growth on my part right yeah victor is our head or is I'm
going to pretend that didn't happen okay
fucking anyway last night I was at the comedy store and this boy came up to me
early white got 20s white guy he goes tiger belly I'm here for you and I go
okay and he goes I love you okay he goes okay he goes let's be together
hang out good I don't know you you don't know you know me I don't know you
goes I'm Ariana Grande that's what he said what he said it was Ariana Grande
right and I go Nick and I was there with Ali Wong and a bunch of people and I
just kind of walked away from him and he started following me around the
comedy store and then he came to me no but for real that I came here from
Minnesota and I know I'm here for you I came here for you oh man right and so
I go I could get the fuck and I knew that Fahim Anwar was gonna go we're gonna
have dinner afterwards and I didn't want to hang out in the club because he was
there so I was in my car deep into the parking lot and just sitting I was
playing my in my stardew Valley and then I hear Haley Haley he's fucking at my
car now in the looking me it's raining and he's looking at me through the
fucking oh my god let's hang out what right and I go I don't know you what and
he goes where's Joe Rogan and I go he's gonna be here sometime this week he goes
okay and he just walks away why yeah so now I'm telling people you listen
listen guys all right watch out for Ariana no it's not only that it's just
that you know I know that I'm the slept king I know I'm the your leader and I
know that I love you and you love me and when there's a connection that will
the can never be the bond it can never be broken but don't be crazy too right
don't kill me you don't want to punch your fucking holes in my body I might
bleed out so if you're crazy relax we're good okay but the comedy shows not a
place where you can come in at cray-cray is it still a word yeah the kids are
using it's hot yeah I can't imagine crazy people coming to the comic store and
just hanging out right yeah I know but it really was the first time where I
went oh my god this guy might kill me you fucking made it man you got it is
that what it is I think so I mean yeah I think it's a little bit of that because
I know about female comics that changed their name on the lineup because they
can't put their name on the lineup because they have stalkers women have it
much worse I can't only imagine now I'm the extra coup when she was in San
Francisco and I saw three of her stalkers there at the shell oh god she's
like I don't know what to do they're just they make cakes for me and all this
stuff and clothing pink cakes yeah yeah don't eat those cakes so what's your
handles Nick Nicholas Rutherford on Instagram I think that's really in
Twitter is too much now I love the name Nicholas in the Philippines you would
they would call you cool us cool us cool us that's cool so cool us rather for it
on Instagram yeah I'm changing it give him a round of applause guys he was
fucking wonderful watch the unicorn it's on iTunes you know we're gonna take a
photo you don't leave yet okay okay but um take your rich wallet and thank you
so much for coming here I thought you were amazing we had fun hopefully that
you weren't angry about anything that I said no but this is what it is we got
through it and it was wonderful there's if you think about all the things we've
explored we explored all kinds of things about ourselves and our friendships
and we got very personal and and yet we got surface and we did all kinds of
stuff you know and don't mind the fuck whites they're good these are good guys
and that Netflix documentary we saw what's it called abducted in plain
sight abducted on plain sight you have to see it because I'm gonna say something
right now very sad it's not just sad it's just that every once in a while
the last thing I'm gonna say about it is sometimes white people they make the
wrong choices looking at you George and especially the ultra-religious ultra
religious white people they think they're oh you know we are foundation is
Jesus yeah we're stable yeah no you're not you're fucking too safe crazy
crazy fucking shit that blind faith makes you think that pedophiles does don't
exist yeah that is it's not a possibility because God protects us and you
know that the entire LDS community and then what did I say about when we were
watching that documentary would I say about George oh yeah he's what he said
about you George he said that good guy why is it that every time I see George's
face I just deep down think he's a serial killer no actually take that
back not a serial killer a pedophile a pedophile I'm gonna just something about
you friend you have all right and I don't know what it is a pedo vibe but
hopefully hope yeah price hopefully hopefully we'll peel the onion all right
and we will find just a nice guy right but I'm gonna say this to you right now
George all right I have my eye on you and if we call I like and I ever have
children you're gonna keep I want to keep them away from you all right so
anyway give Nick brother for another round of applause
guys and all big up to our real papayas and super sleepers for the premium and
the premium episode subscribers to our patreon if you want to hear more about
the Korean knives then go to patreon.com slash tiger valley follow us on
instagram at tiger belly on twitter at that tiger belly emails any unhelpful
advice questions to the tiger belly gmail.com have a good night
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