TigerBelly - Episode 25: How many, how manyyyy?

Episode Date: January 20, 2016

Bobby angers a table of 12 Orange County mothers. Khalyla feels adequately loved but under-desired. Gilbert is Dr. Nothing. We reveal Bobby's blood test results, challenge each others' IQs, and get mean about hashtags. Sorry, we're just a bunch of stupid children. #TheUnitedStatesofAmerica #tears   Recorded January 18, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Welcome to Tiger Belly. My name is Bobby. We have my beautiful girlfriend, Kalyla, and my ambiguously gay sidekick, Gilbert, here with his flat yellow monkey face. Yellow? Not really, brown. Okay, thank you. Yeah, you're brown.

Thank you so much. And Gilbert did five shows with me at the Irvine Improv, and he hosted and... I think you should give him some, you know, honest critique about how he did. Okay. He was about to compliment me, and you cut that off. No, compliment him first. I think you did a great job as a host, and for the second time ever going up in your life, you know, in front of a big crowd like that, I think you did amazing.

You have a delia element to your thing. You have that confidence. You have a confidence, you know what I mean? You can't learn. You can't learn that it takes years to get, and you already have it, and it's because of your sketch comedy background. You're very confident, and you just don't have jokes, but that will come later. And I thought you were really good.

What do you mean by he doesn't have jokes? Because I mean, obviously, he made people laugh. He has bits that he thinks that, you know, he's young, so he goes to what he knows. He knows how to do voices, he uses his personality a lot, and it's good. It's just, there's just no voice there yet, but other than that, yeah, you're pretty good, man. And I think that you should keep doing it because it's going to be hard for you without it, I think.

How so? Just auditioning and acting. I just find it to be a difficult road for really anybody. I mean, I've been on 10,000 auditions, I've gotten like eight things, and if I had to rely on those eight things, I'd be dead. I'd be homeless. I'd be like, you know, sucking dick and stuff for money, you know. I actually believe that because he doesn't even know how to write a check.

Like, I don't know how to do anything. He doesn't know how to write a check. No, I don't. He doesn't know like. You don't know how to write a check. I've never written a check. Well, for, this is a perfect example when the batteries in our, what do you call these things?

The fire alarms? Yeah. The fire, the smoke detectors in our home. When the battery started to run low, it would beep. So instead of calling somebody to replace the batteries or replacing it himself, he ripped all of them, all six of them around the house from the ceiling. So you just took them off? Yeah, so.

Yeah. I'd rather die in a fire. To find you back. Which is basically, but you know, it's illegal to do that. It's fine. Well, I've never got, I've never got a jury duty. Oh yeah. I have jury duty next week.

Yeah, we talk about that. I really hope it's like a super cool murder and it's not going to be. It's going to be like someone threw a brick across someone's car window and it's going to be one of those boring ones. Am I going to be dismissed? You think? No. I think, I think I'm going to want you, babe.

Yeah. But then if I say that my sister is the county nurse or the county jail nurse. Don't lie. You lie. That's what I do. I don't know nothing. I don't watch CNN. I don't know nothing.

I don't have a jury duty. I want to be a part of the, of the jury after watching making a murderer. I want to not be the retard that wrongly convicts a man. I mean, with that jury, I'd like to be in because I would have been, I would have been that voice of reason, I think, but um, yeah. Nope. My, my mom texted me today. She's on episode four of making a murderer.

And if you guys don't know this about my mom, she has English is not her first language. So there's sort of a language barrier there, but this woman is infuriated over it. What is she saying? Do it in an accent though. Do it in an accent. Calai. No, darling, darling, we should raise fund to raise money to give Steve Everry a top lawyer. It's just so unfair, darling, to take advantage of the poor and simple person.

Yeah. Rich people get away of murder just like OJ Simpson. I wish I won a lotto and help him. I just, I just want to know if he's really guilty or not. But if he's guilty, then so be it. He already spent most half of his life in prison. Yeah. That's a really good point of view.

Actually. It's not bad. I mean, the 18 years he was wrongfully accused, I think that should cut into his murder time. Right. I agree. And then I said, you haven't even seen the whole thing. Fuck face. I replied to my mom.

Yes, Ma, it's upsetting that you finished the series. She goes, I think I saw four episodes. I can only watch one of a time because it hurts me. It hurts her. Yeah. She's like, no, this could have happened to me. Like I don't have a high IQ. I don't, you know, speak English that well.

Yeah. And I also like, you know how Brendan Dassey was like, he was retorted. I think that I would have done the same thing. There's no way. Yeah. Yeah. I was talking to my brother about it and I was very, I was on drugs. Number one in high school.

I was, I'm kind of dumb. I was a little success. Suspect. Susceptible. Susceptible. See, I can even say that word. One more time. Susceptible.

Oh, wow. In your fucking face. Yeah. But I don't feel. I'll tell you why though, because imagine you're okay. I'm in high school. I'm high. Okay.

Then all of a sudden, you know, I mean, I'm in biology class and, you know, the door opens and FBI or whatever is there. Can you come with us? I'm like, hey, what'd I do? They're like, just come with us. Then they put me in a room, right? And then you be the cops and you just make something up and I'll be the guy. I'll be me.

Bobby, can I get you a coffee or your favorite little treat, little carrot? I like carrot. Okay. Hey, Tom, get him some ranch. Like ranch blue cheese, Bobby. I like ranch. Okay, Bobby. I want you to remember.

I want you to really, really remember that you stabbed the girl in Budfuckter. I did it. All right. Don't bring the carrots. Don't bring the carrots. We got it. We got it on video. Yeah.

I fucked her asshole with my carrot. Like, I wouldn't even know what to say. Like, I can't. You're a child who played the piano. Like, if you have the capacity to play the piano as well as you did, you listen to Rachmaninov and you read Charles Bukowski, there's no fucking way in hell you could have ever been as well. That's what Steve told me, but I don't know.

My brother's like, no way you would have fucking done that. I go, I don't know. But maybe you're right. But I feel still feel, okay, I didn't have a IQ of 80. So what if, you know, your IQ is 80 and you're scared. I keep asking you, let's take an IQ test. I will not fucking take, I'll never take an IQ. Because you'll use it against them.

Why would I ever use it against them? I think IQ tests are bogus because it really just is traditional classroom learning. Let's do our version of it. There's so many different types of intelligence that there's no, there's no one way to truly like, you know, I mean, in traditional classroom setting, Brendan Dassey is a retard. Yeah. But who knows, you know, like maybe he has some like undiscovered talents that he could like, you know, flourish.

Be careful with that word, by the way. Yeah, retard. Because of what? Oh yeah. Speaking of retards. But before we do that, though, I want to do this. Okay. I want to do, you guys asked me questions, right?

And I want to truthfully try to answer them to see if I know this is our own view version of IQ test. But I know, but I just want to do our own version just real quick. Okay. I can show you that I'm dumb. Okay. How many, how many? One second.

I have to do the sound bit. Tiger belly IQ test with Kalilah Gilbert and Bobo. Yeah. Okay. How many kingdoms and how many, how many do you want to take? How many? Because I feel like I already lost. How many?

I'm trying to think. How many? How many? Yeah, you go ahead. Gilbert, you go first. You go first, Gilbert. Oh, let's start easy. Okay.

How many continents are in the world? Come on. I'm going to try it. Please, Bobby. You have to fuck up seven. Yes. Thank you. Okay.

Name them. What? Name them. North America. Okay, good. South America. Thank God. Asia.

Thank you, Jesus. Africa. One more. Come on. Yes. Oh, Gilbert, did you? I almost forgot. All right.

So Antarctica. Yes. And the Hawaii. One big one. One big one. Biggest country in the world, landmass. I did Africa. I did.

Bane. Asia. I did. What? Bane. Bane. Ex-boyfriend. Australia.

Yes. That's a continent. It's a country continent. Yeah. It's the only country. I was going to say Korea. It's the only country that's a continent. I see.

I told you. I already failed. You got it right. That was one. No, that was pretty good. Two more questions. You asked me another one. No geography.

Okay. What is the difference between a living and a non-living thing? Oh, living. Actually, that's to both of you. Well, a living thing has cells. Get creative, baby. Has cells. Good.

That's one. Oh, and a living thing also feeds off of other elements to survive like sunlight and other food outside food sources. That's not true. Because a virus is not living. And it uses. It is. In my dick.

You're trying to say you have a virus in your dick. There's a virus that's very alive in your dick. In my dick. Yeah. He finally got the AIDS guys. I got the AIDS guys. What is it then? You answered.

Gilbert. You answered. Gilbert. A living and non-living. It has a mind of its own. Why are you laughing? No, there's a lot of things because bacteria is living. Okay.

It doesn't have a mind of its own. Yeah. But it's considered. You said that a living thing has a mind of its own. Most things on this planet don't even have a central nervous system. Don't even have a brain, but they're considered a living thing. Why are we using her? But honestly, they fucking attitude is so arrogant.

I mean, it's like, why? I didn't go to nursing school. How fucking dare you, baby? I didn't. Fuck nursing. What is it then? Tell us what it is. Fuck nursing.

Tell us what it is. I just want to talk about retards. Can we move on to that? Because this is a boring topic. Oh, wait. IQ hurt now. IQ hurt as well. Yeah.

Here are you now. I took one in front of you. What was my IQ? 140. 144. I don't even know if that's good or not. That's a genius level. Holy shit.

But I, you know what I cannot do is open a fucking car door. Like there's certain things that I'm so life stupid about that my IQ doesn't even matter. Mm-hmm. Like that's what I'm saying. It's like, yeah. And I'm probably book smart and I can probably like rattle off some like random trivial info, but there are a lot of things where I'm very deficient in.

And so it's like, it doesn't really fucking matter. Your IQ doesn't matter. Yeah. And I also want people to think know this is that I don't know how to do a checkbook. I don't know. I pulled out the, you know, the fire alarms out of my house, right? And I did all these things and yet I'm still alive and I survived to do it. Boom.

I don't know how to write a check, but I'm alive. I've survived. You also know what he doesn't know how to do? What? Is put fucking medicine on his foot that you were prescribed by the doctor last week. I forget to do it to do it. If it's that itchy, you should do it. Is it still itchy?

Yeah. Oh. I'll do it. Don't remind me, baby. I mean, Jesus Christ. You are a nurse. You're a nurse. I don't know nothing.

I'm not a fucking nurse, can you guys stop saying that? I'm sorry. You're a doctor. You're a doctor, I mean. So, um, I did the show, I think it was Saturday night at the improv and I didn't notice this, but, um, a group of 15 women, is it 10 women, 12 women, oh, really? Walked out of my show. Well, you didn't know about it.

I didn't know about it, but because my opening jokes were about Down syndrome, right? And, um, I guess they all met in a group where they, they have children with Down syndrome. So they're in like a self, like a support group. That's how they met. Yeah. You're telling me they had a Down syndrome meetup and they went to Bobby. No, but they, no, they're not Down syndrome. The kids are Down syndrome.

Yeah. But the parents came. Yeah. They're all mothers of Down syndrome kids. Yeah. They came to a comedy show. Yeah. They can, they can laugh, right?

So, but they, then on Facebook, they said, we're 12 women and, you know, we have Down syndrome kids. Yeah. Oh my God. This is going to upset me. I'm sorry. This is posted on your Facebook? Yes.

Because, you know, I, I, um, I'm one of the administrators on his Facebook page, so I got the notification. Ooh, a name drop. So it's that, um, so a group of 12 moms came to see you tonight to have a great evening out and laugh for a change. Catches all of our children have Down syndrome. So you're opening. You've retracted that laugh.

Yeah. Delete that. Delete that laugh. You're opening monologue that went on and on about Down syndrome was not very funny. Then to go on joking about other disabilities didn't do much for us. So the empty table in the second row, thanks you for turning our night out to relax and get away into a nightmare about how the world views our children. Okay.

So here's the deal. But let me tell you, if you opened with a racial joke, I bet you anything they would have laughed. Yeah. Because it has nothing to do with them. And that it's this is that it's first of all, my rant out front was what two minutes? Number one. And number two, I told a story about how I got cast on the league and they wrote me

apart with Chinese guy with Down syndrome. Okay. So I'm talking about something that actually happened to me. Right. I'm not making fun of people with Down syndrome. Yeah. Your joke is actual experience that he gets often mistaken for having Down syndrome. Yeah.

I have a joke about Down syndrome, people having sex. That's fucked up. Yeah. But I didn't tell that joke that night. You know what I mean? Thank God. Thank God. You know what I mean?

But my point is, is this is, is that, um, listen, it's, these are jokes. All right. Yes. They're edgy, but it's like, and it's like, it's not funny really because from what I recall, I got a huge laughs because of them, you know, and it's like, I mean, I'm not bragging, but I just know that certain sections of my act are, they do well. They're tried and tested and I've tested them all over the world. I have.

You know what I mean? I, you know, I don't want to brag, but I've done it and it's like, it kills everywhere. I have a question for you. Do you think that if you had opened with a joke about, you know, malnourished Ethiopian kids in Africa, you think, I don't know, I think they would have laughed hysterically because it's not their kids. You know what I'm getting at is I wonder, you could have talked about any, let's say you talked about, you did your Alzheimer's joke, people with Alzheimer's, I guarantee

you they would have laughed. But do you understand? I mean, here's the better point of view, which is this. This is that if, if I saw a comic go up on stage and make fun of Asians or make fun of like my fault, like my father has a stroke, right? And he talked about people with strokes and made fun of it, right? I know it's in the context of a comedy show. I know that he doesn't know my dad.

I know that it's a joke, right? So you, you, you put all that into the equation when you're watching a show, right? I know that when I see, you know, a Christian comedian talk about his point of view, right? That he has a certain point of view. It might not, I might not be the right audience for it, but in, in the context of inside a comedy club, I take it all in and I laugh if it's funny. There's actually a couple of Christian comedians on, on YouTube that I watch all the time that I told Kalyla that I really like, right?

I don't really, I'm not a Christian. I don't believe in what they believe, but funny is funny to me, you know? So it's like anyone coming to a show should put that in, in, in, you know, into play in their head. But these women, they're so sensitive. And for them to say that it's not funny is bullshit. You don't, you took it personally, all right? And I'm sorry that your kids are, you have Down syndrome, you know?

You're missing a chromosome. My niece, or I'm sorry, my, my, my cousin has Down syndrome. Which one? Um, Dina. You didn't meet her, but she gives great hugs. She's our, she's already a hugger. She's a 25 now, I want you to laugh at that. Did you laugh?

No. Okay. I have another question for you. No, wait, hold on a second. Fuck face. Look at me right now. Okay. I'm looking at you.

She said, I'd love to hug, right? I said, I'd love to hug her, right? You smiled. And then I laughed. Why did you smile? I smiled because you jiggled. I didn't giggle. You smiled first.

Your body jiggled. I didn't jiggle. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. You'll be sorry. I will hug your fucking. I'll hug her too.

Down syndrome cousin. You're down syndrome. Jokes are my favorite. What I'm saying is I'm not, I'm not offended and, and that's my mom's goddaughter. Like my mom laughs at you down syndrome. Okay. What you're joking about a reality like a couple of jokes. Okay.

So my, my next question is now, if you and I had a kid and the child had down syndrome, I mean, you obviously wouldn't know how you would feel, you know, you know, in that situation. Well, because I do jokes about it, I probably will have one. Would you continue? Would you continue to tell down syndrome if you know what, and I also say my kid has down syndrome. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And I'm, you know what I mean? And one day I'm going to teach him how to fuck. I have a question. And then I'm going to be like, I'm going to be like, what do I do? You mean? You're like, do I do the pumping stuff? I mean, would he be able to even follow my, you know what I mean?

I would do jokes like that. Yeah. Anyway, what would you be offended if Bobby was talking about your child like that? I, I'm not in that, you know, I don't know. But as a mom, I would probably feel like ultra protective. You know, I would probably, yeah, I'd probably not be offended enough to like leave a club, but I'm probably going to be like, okay, that's not my favorite joke. And I, I don't know.

I don't know what it feels like to be a mom. I don't know what it feels like to, you know, to have that need or that desire to always protect your child from like people's like, you know, harsh point of view. I feel bad that you have, if you out there and you have a Down syndrome, I feel really bad about it. I'm sorry. I'll donate to some sort of thing or whatever. You know what I mean?

If you're, if I know you personally and your son's competing in the Special Olympics, I'll DVR it or whatever. You know what I mean? I'm supportive of it. You know, I feel bad about it, but I don't feel bad telling the jokes I told because they're not offensive. You know what I mean? I tell a joke about Alzheimer's.

I feel bad about that joke. You know what I mean? I don't feel bad about it. I'm sorry. In fact, you know, Michael Cox from the Tonight Show wants me to showcase for the Tonight Show, the Jimmy Fallon one. And if I do it, I'm going to open with that Down syndrome joke now. You know what I mean?

Yeah. So it's like, I, you know, I feel bad about it. And I know, and it's like, I was molested by a guy with Down syndrome, Gilbert doesn't know that story. I heard this. Yeah. I put my fingers in his butthole. Yeah.

And I did that for three summers in a row. You know what I mean? Three summers. And he drooled on me and, um, yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah. But, um, you know what I mean? I, I, I have no hard feelings toward them.

That's all. And it's like, I feel bad about that these ladies that left, but it's like, I'm not apologizing for what? Didn't Kurt Cobain have sex with a girl with Down syndrome? Yes. And it's probably the best piece of ass he's ever had. That's a real thing. Yeah.

In his documentary, I don't know if she had Down syndrome specifically, but she had some type of like, um, you can use her drool as a lubrication. Oh my God. All right. All right. Was it too much? All right. That's my opener at Jimmy Fallon.

You are doing Jimmy Fallon tonight? No, I'm just, I would just, they asked me if I wanted to showcase and maybe I'm going to showcase with that joke, but my point is this is that, was that too much with a drool? I'm so sorry. I think he did. Yeah. He did have sex with a girl with Down syndrome in the documentary. Yeah.

And, um, I think that was part of the, like one of the triggers for his depression or like his like self-disgust is after he did that. Yeah. Because I mean, people like knew about it and I think that, um, I remember the documentary too well. But if you want us to treat Down syndrome people, not special and like regular human beings, then I'm not, then he shouldn't feel bad about it. What, what do you mean?

What I'm just saying is, is that these people want to protect, you know what I mean? They're children, but then we, they don't want us to treat them differently, right? Don't treat my child. You mean special because he's a human being and he's smarter than you think and this and that, but then we're allowed, if you're they're an adult, we're allowed to have sex with them. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean?

I'll be. What? If they don't have like the mental like capacity to understand a situation like you, then it's exploit, then it's exploitation. There's levels though, right? Yeah. There's high functioning. Well, then can you have sex with a high functioning one?

Like if it's consensual and like, you know, for, you know, this person is like somebody who speaks. Yeah. Let's role play it. You play the down syndrome. Let's roll. No, I'm not. No, no, no, no, no.

I'm not. I'm not. I'm not. I'll be there. I'll be there. Okay. Fine. All right.

Go ahead. Have fun with the 12 moms. Go ahead. Hey, what's up? I don't know. I said. Is that how you would hit on a girl with down syndrome? That's how you would open it.

That's how you would open? What's up? Yeah. No, do be normal. Be real. Like, are you like really? But do I know the girl? Yeah.

No, I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Just try it with the role play. I can't because I would not do that. Look, okay. This is 300 pound unfuckable Gilbert. Yeah. Yeah.

Go ahead. That donut was what I got. Look, girl. Do it. Hey, I'm Gilbert. Hi. What's your... Oh.

Is that how it is? You're beautiful. Thank you. You suck. Stop. What is that? I'm just laughing. I'm sorry.

She's just drooling on herself. I'm drooling. All right. I'm sorry. Okay. Okay. I feel bad about all this. And I don't know why I'm laughing.

I don't know why you're laughing. And this is not laughable to the 12 mothers out there. Okay. I am so sorry. And I, if you want refunded tickets, I'll mail it to, I'll, you know what I mean? Whatever. Okay. I'm pretty sure they demanded it already.

I think they got their money back. Yeah. Good. You know what I mean? Truce. Comedy clubs. Do they... They should have like a waiver for that, for those things.

Like, look, if you cry about content, you don't get your money back. Yeah. Because it's like, you can't control what the comments say. If you don't have a sense of humor, don't go to a fucking comedy club. Okay. Because these women, right, you have to understand also what's come before me, which is prior Carlin, you know what I mean? Sam Kinnison, even guys like Dyson, crazy shit.

Yeah. Yeah. Right. They've said crazy shit. Right. If you don't come before me before you come to a comedy show, I can't understand why people will come to a comedy club without even knowing what a stand-up comedy is. I have a...

Why? Because they said... Why? I have a theory as to how white people perceive you that have never heard you on podcasts. Yeah. So they've only seen you on mad TV and some like roles on TV that are friendly, Asian, dancey type of dude, right? Yeah.

So they think you're Mr. Fat, little ching-chong who's going to dance and just be cute. That's how most people perceive you who aren't podcast listeners or haven't heard your interviews, right? Uh-huh. So I think these were all 12 white women who had this preconceived notion of who you are as a comic and probably think you're like a clean-cut comic. Yeah. Plus you're Asian.

I mean, that has to... He has to be clean-cut then. That probably wasn't what it was. Yeah. Yeah. You're Asian. I also want to... Am I allowed to comment back at this lady?

Why would you? No way. I would never let you. I wouldn't allow you. I don't think you need to. No. Unnecessary. But people that listen can comment on it.

Don't do that. Don't attack her. No, I'm not attacking. I'm just saying. I'm asking a question. Can people that listen... Hey, anyone listening to this podcast right now, don't comment onto that Facebook thing. Don't delete it either, though, please.

And don't do it. But I'm just asking because I don't know anything about technology. Can that happen? Sure. Okay. It's like asking people not to hashtag Tiger Belly on that fan. Yeah. But I already blocked him.

Yeah. And also, can I just defend that fan a little bit? Okay. He has acting skills. And... You guys. No. I'm being real.

He has legitimate acting skills. Okay. And that's all I want to say. I want to add to that. Yeah. Go ahead. Listeners. Now's your chance.

Why are you laughing, Kyla? Why are you laughing? Kyla, why are you laughing? I'm telling our listeners. Now's your chance. If you really, really want to see a spectacular show of tears and Oscar-winning material on a 15-second video on Instagram. Also, very quick edits.

Very quick edits. Amazing edits. It's really good. I would suggest... I would suggest... If I was a casting director and if you're a casting director and you're listening right now, you should call them in because that's legit. Also, don't forget to hashtag tears.

Don't do that. I'm listening. Please. I'll tell you why. Listen. The hashtag tears. I understand that. Here's the thing.

Okay. I want... I love him. And I don't want him... I want him to be happy. Okay. So just don't comment on any of his shit, please. Okay.

Today, I thought another post of this was interesting. What? He posted a picture of Martin Luther King and his hashtag was... I gotta see this. First hashtag was United States. Second hashtag was the United States. So even in his acting one, hashtag tear, hashtag. And then second one would be hashtag tears.

He always does a singular plural or like then like he adds an article. Because he's smart and he's trying to reach as many people as possible. Okay. Then I'm just an idiot and I don't understand. This is good. He has hashtag Martin Luther King, Jr. Day and he also has hashtag Martin Luther King Day. He's also paying respects to Martin Luther King, Jr.

Exactly. He's the biggest audience and whatever the available hashtags can be out there that he can hashtag. I want this to happen if he would be so kind as to join us on our podcast. I think that we should... For all the shit that I've said about him, I want him... I want to give him the opportunity to defend his hashtags. And I think that's only fair because I don't like it when we talk about someone and then

we don't... When they can't defend themselves on the show, it's only fair that we do this. So that fan, if you ever come across my voice, here is an open invitation to join us for 60 minutes and defend your hashtags, bro. Defend your tears. I also want to talk about, aside from that fan, I love you, Happy New Year, buddy. If you saw me in that love trailer, I'm only in three episodes. Oh, yeah, love trailer came out.

Go check it out if you haven't seen it yet. All right. So I'm on... I'm reoccurring on a Netflix show called Love and it's Judd Apatow's Netflix show. I'm grateful for the job. I'm in three episodes, second season, I'm in a lot more. And if you're a fan of Tiger Belly and you're a fan of me, just check it out. But just know that I'm only in three little scenes, that's fine.

I love the project and I love the people. Check it out. And I never plug shit, right, baby? I'm very bad at plugging, you know what I mean? But I'm just kind of a little excited to be a part of this little thing. That's all. Okay. Never one keeps saying it's great.

No one's seen it yet. No, I have people... My friend was in it. Oh, really? He said you were very funny in it. Oh, okay. The guy, the best friend. Oh, thank you.

So that's that. And honestly, with the dad fan thing, I really do love him. So don't give him a hard time, people, in comment. And I've just changed my mind about the Down syndrome thing. I apologize. I'll cut it out of my act. I want him to tear into me. I want to learn.

I want to learn how to shut the, you know, I want to be told to shut the fuck up. Maybe I say too much shit. Maybe I like fucking, you know, I tear people down for no reason. I want to, I want someone to teach me a good lesson. And I think I'm ready for dad fan to tear me a new asshole. No, sweetie, can I ask you why you were so depressed today? Um, honest or not honest? You want podcast answer or do you want honest Kaleila answer?

Honest Kaleila answer. Um, because I think that you've completely lost interest in me. I haven't. It's, you, you always say that you find me attractive. You always say that this is a great relationship. You always say that you love me like you've never loved anyone before. It's a whole lot of saying and not a whole lot of action. Okay.

So when we say you and I, we say we're in a good place. There's nothing wrong with our relationship. And then, you know, we haven't had sex for two weeks. It's, it's very confusing for a woman. It's very. Okay. I want to say this. I feel undesired.

Can I say this? Okay. I'm just going to be defend them. I'm going to defend myself. Why would you need to defend yourself? I'm not attacking you. Yeah, because I, but I know, but I want people to listen to what, you know what I mean? Cause people are going, well, why, you know, and this and that is just that.

Okay. So, um, the last time we had sex, right? She became very itchy down below. I see what you're saying from my foot fungus. Okay. So a week ago, she's laying in bed and she has the covers over her body and she putting this ointment on her vagina, right? It's a non-inching ointment.

Tiger bomb. Right. And then so I went to the doctor, right? I had a doctor's appointment, right? I told them, you know what I mean about my itchy foot and it might have gone to my dick and now, you know what I mean? It's transferred to Kalilah, right? And he's like, well, that's crazy.

That's not, that's actually not what he said. What did he say? He said, yes, that is a possibility, but, um, he, he says, I, I'm not ruling that out. He says, but if that is the case, regular yeast infection medication would also do the trick. That's what he said. All right. So, all right.

So, well, that is really now I'm going to predict what, like, I don't, it's just a weird thing to be in the situation because you don't want to hurt her. I mean, it's just weird because it's like I'm giving her itchy vagina. So how do you think that makes me feel bad about it? Yes. And then I mean, it's, it's weird and I'm being completely honest. I don't think that's the only reason. Well, that's 100% the reason.

And the only reason. Yeah. That's the only reason. Okay. You don't believe him? He just, he doesn't believe me and it really makes me fucking angry and it makes me fucking angry that she doesn't believe me. You know, I always, I always think in my mind that I'm, you know, experienced with relationships.

I know what happens after being with someone for a certain amount of time, how the passion dies down and whatever, like, I'm really, in my mind, I think I give, give good advice to people, but I'm in a position where I don't even think I could give good advice to myself. Like I'm confused. I've never been in a position where I feel like, okay, I'm 30, I'm in my sexual prime. I don't know how to ask my partner why we're not being sexual without hurting his feelings or without saying, you know, and let me put it to you this way, like this is the first time in my life.

I think why this is affecting me more than usual is this is the first time in my life where I truly feel like undesirable and, you know, it's not, it's a confusing feeling for a woman, I think. I mean, I mean, it's so fucking. And, you know, I have, I'm not saying I have low self esteem. Like I, Because you don't, you don't. It's not, it's, it's, it's also Kalyla.

I don't think I do. The thing is, is this, is that why would, I mean, it's like, she doesn't, this is going to start an argument, but it's like, I don't really believe that I would be in a situation if I wasn't wanting to be in it. You know what I mean? Yeah. But in the past, you said that you, you've done things to self sabotage. You've done things to sabotage intentionally to where you would drive her.

She would. Right. Yeah. But I'm not doing that on this one. That's the thing. You know what I mean? I feel like I need to fix the situation. Right.

I, I'm being, I'm bringing it up in this, in publicly, you know what I mean, so that I can get to the root to the problem, right? And I, I'm not running from it. I mean, I want to fix it. I want to, you know what I mean, address it and cause I want this to work. You know? Yeah. And I know it's uncomfortable.

Maybe for people to hear this right now, but it's like the truth. You know, I am truly in love with Kalyla. I love her so much more than anyone I've ever loved, but if the main, if you make your main goal in a relationship just for it to work. It's not the main goal. But listen to me. Okay. You've already lost.

All right. Because if all you ever do is to just make it, is to just make it work. That's not what it is. Okay. Here's the thing. Okay. Here's the thing. This is that it's, it's perfect from beginning to end in my book.

What do you mean? I mean, the sense of this is, is that my comfort, comfortability with her, I've never felt this comfortable with somebody as if I've known her for the, for all my life. Okay. When I look at her face, you know what I mean? It makes me warm. I feel, I feel like, oh my God, like thank you God. And you've said this to her.

No, it really does. When I say, every time I look when she is doing the dishes, I'm, yeah, I'm, I'm thinking that when I see this, if you fucking do that, I'll fucking punch your flat face. Okay. I'm not. I'm saying it now, right? Okay. When I see her doing the dishes, I look at her.

My heart gets warm. Dishes guys. That's what it does. No, no, no. I mean, just in general, you know what I mean? When I, when I, Stop saying it. When I smell her.

When I smell her. Why are you looking right into Gilbert's eyes? I'm not looking at Gilbert. I'm not looking at Gilbert. We have a confession collider. When I smell, when I, you know what I mean? When I smell her, I feel comfort because she's there. I'm not joking.

Can you look at her and say, when I smell you, I feel comfort. I, when I smell you, I feel comfort, right? I know, and when, and it's also, it's like, sometimes when I, I'm with her, she, she, I just feel what, what she was like when she was just all her life, you know what I mean? From just all her stages of her life, you know what I mean? Cause I see sometimes like a teenager, sometimes I see a kid, sometimes I see her in her twenties. It just, you know what I mean? So you truly feel like you've known her?

I feel like literally a timeline of forever. Okay. I'm in love with her. All right. I'm in love with you so deeply and it's really is a complicated situation. It's not. It's just, you got to take, use the anti-fungal to Dr. Gaby. All right.

I'll use the anti-fungal. Can you, you heard everything, you heard everything he just said, right? No, I, I feel you're, you, you absorbing all that. I think that I, no, I believe, I don't doubt that this relationship is great and I was telling my sister. Everything he just said, you know, he's not lying. You believe that, correct? Yeah.

Shut the fuck up. You're fucking this up. I'm not. I know you, you're interrupting and you're, you, you, you, you, you, you know what I mean? I just want to make sure she's looking at you. She's looking at me. Everything's fine. But you're fucking it up with your fucking dumb, dumb.

I'm getting nervous. My parents are going to bring him. Um, no, I, I, I was just telling my sister earlier even that I don't think that there's anything generally like wrong in our relationship. I just, you know, it's a whole lot of great communication, but not acting on that communication and it's a whole lot of, Hey, we're in a good place. We're communicating what, you know, what our concerns, you know, you know, we're communicating our concerns, we're communicating our, you know, fears or, you know, insecurities with

each other, blah, blah, blah, but there's not much action taking. So there's a whole lot of talking and there's not enough like movement. So it's like, you know, like those little things to me like matter. For instance, like when, when, when I say good night to someone, even going to bed, we always used to at least like entangle our feet together and say good night, like cute shit, like dumb shit like that. But it always mattered to me. Now it's like, okay, you do your thing.

I do my thing. And then like, there's no good night. So it's little things like that, that add up, that make me feel like, huh, like we are in a good place verbally. We're in a good fucking place. Everything. All right. We're in a good place with all, all right.

Because it's like, I just know we are in my point of view, right? You might not feel that way, but I feel that way. I really do. I like you a lot. I mean, I don't say that about many people. Yeah. I mean, I like you so much. Yeah.

I mean, of course I love you. No, I love you. That's easy. Why would you say that? But I mean, like, I like, I feel like I'm saying this stronger than the word love. Of course the love is there. Yeah. Yeah.

But I mean, like, you don't annoy me. Yeah. There's who you are. I just, it's kindred, like it just fits well with who I am. That's what I mean by I like you. And yeah, like, I just want us to do more meaningful things together, including sex. I know. I have an itchy dick.

You know. Yeah. I know. You've said it many times. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

You know, I honestly am going to say this for the last time, I'm not gonna say that for the last time. I will say it for the rest of my life is I really feel hardly from the deepest parts of my bones. Okay. I believe that she was made for me. Can this be the last episode with this like gross cheesiness? All right.

I do. I'm not making people cringe. I probably are. I have one suggestion. I probably are guys. I probably are. And the thing is is that and I just know that and if you want to leave the relationship, I love you.

Shut up. Stupid. I'm not going anywhere. I keep the cats. Fuck no. You would not keep the cat before we end this and you call me pan face or something for interrupting. Yeah.

I have one suggestion. Go ahead. For an exercise tonight. What is that? Kids, you just before you go to sleep, you play with your feet with your feet and give me ass fuckers. You're not Dr. Phil. I know.

You're not Dr. Nothing. You're Dr. Nothing. You don't know nothing. You're Dr. Nothing. Right. And look at me right now. All right. You don't know shit.

And if you interrupt again when it's serious, right, I'm going to gouge your eyes out. I just got nervous in that whole situation. I understand that. But you know what? Is it like your parents breaking up? Did they break up your parents? No, no, no, they didn't. They got there together again.

But if you guys break up, I got nothing. We're not going to break up. Yeah. We're not. You know what I mean? I brought it up because of the fact that I don't want to break up, you know, don't even then stop throwing that word around. I'm not even.

I'm not even throwing. I'm just saying it. It's not a possibility for us right now. Okay. Even if we do have issues and we air it out on this podcast, yeah, it's it's just to air it out. It's there is no one is leaning towards the B word. No one's breaking up.

We're good. We're solid. Yeah. So I'm going to get rid of this itchy shit, right? Back out love. Nice. Check it out. The independent movie that I did with those YouTube stars, I think it might be get bought

for Universal. That'd be good. What's it called? So we know. We don't know. What? It's called late in America. Shitty title.

But maybe good movie. And I'm going to be in Cleveland this weekend. This podcast is so far from over. With Jeremiah Watkins. I know. I'm not doing it. I'm just saying it just so don't forget. He's getting better at plugging.

Yo. Yes. He's going to be in Cleveland this weekend. Yeah. I think Billy Bonnell is so good. Yeah. My opener for Irvine was Billy Bonnell. Bonnell.

Bonnell. Whatever his name is. And he's very good. Very, very funny guy. We had another opener, Christine Little, who looks like Michael Jackson. She did really good too. Yeah. I think Gilbert has a little crush on her.

Crush on her. No, I don't. So we got the results of your blood tests from your doctor. And would you mind telling everyone what they look like? I'm borderline diabetes. Diabetic. Diabobo. Diabobo.

Diabobo. Diabobo. He's borderline. What else? I have. High. High cholesterol. High cholesterol.

High cholesterol. Cholesterol. Cholesterol. I have high cholesterol. And he has abnormal liver function because you have what? He doesn't drink. No, it doesn't. Come on.

I don't have my signs. What do I have? Abnormal liver functions? What does that mean? That's from high cholesterol. Oh. I have fatty liver. He has a fatty liver.

But all those things that you can undo with a good diet. So he's borderline. He's borderline diabetic. So the doctor, because the blood test that they take is called an A1C and it basically gives you a picture of what your blood glucose looks like over a three month period. So it should be in the range of like, I mean ideally under 5.7 but even up to 6 and his number is above 6. So diabetic would be 6.5 and over.

Oh, okay. So he's climbing up to 6.5. So what happens now? He's got a plan of attack. Well, what did we just bake and make in the kitchen just now? Rice Krispie treats. So obviously. I made some Rice Krispie treats.

He's in a great path to good health. Let me ask you this though right now. If I go, I want diabetes, how fast could I get there right now? So you're at a 6.2 right now. I'd probably say in a few, maybe as little as two, three months, if you really just ate ice cream for breakfast, lunch, dinner, like you could really fuck your shit up pretty quickly. People don't realize that.

Yeah. So what I'm going to do. I'm going to change all that. You know what I mean? I feel so stressed out about it. How did that five day thing go? The diet that you guys tried out. Better.

Good. He stuck to it. I stuck to it. Nice. It ended on Friday though. So it ended three days ago now. Yeah. And I don't know.

I mean, I don't want to die. I want to live. Glenn Fry died today. It's not Clila. You know who Glenn Fry is? No. You don't know who Glenn Fry is? No.

Okay. It's okay if you don't know the name. We have to know the band though. Have you heard of the band Hoobastank? The reason. Hoobastank? No, the Eagles. Hotel California.

Yeah. Oh God. What other song? It's not a song? Yeah, it is. Okay. An album too. Dustin the Wind is from Kansas.

Yeah. It's Kansas. Good job. Very good. One other. He was the co-funders of Eagles and if you ever want to see a great rock documentary, that Eagles rock documentary is probably one of the best I've ever seen. What's it called?

I don't know. The Eagles? I don't know. The Eagles documentary. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I didn't know much about them.

I liked their music, but I fell in love with them after the documentary and he is one of the co-founders and it's a real shame. It's been a really fucked up death week. Alan Rickman. We didn't. Rickman died. Very talented. In fact, I tried to watch one of my favorite Alan Rickman performances which was Galaxy

Quest. You ever see it? I love Love Actually. Galaxy Quest. All the Harry Potter songs. Shut up, Gilbert. He has not fucking seen Galaxy Quest. He just said Love Actually after Galaxy Quest.

Do you see Galaxy Quest? No. Okay. You don't know who's in it? No. You should watch it. It's very funny. I still haven't seen Old Boy.

Oh my God. You haven't even seen Making of the Murderer? I... You didn't finish it. Let me see it. What are you so busy on? Can I give you a reason why? Yeah.

I don't watch a lot of TV anymore because everything I'm always trying to write, I'm always trying to do less stuff that requires me being at home so I can further myself as a... Good job, Gilbert. No. I disagree. I'll tell you. I get so lazy. I just sit at home and watch them.

No. Less is more. But you know what? What? You might be able to draw inspiration from movies like Galaxy Quest because it is very funny. Dude. Bro, I really believe less is more.

What? But I get nervous that if I get lazy, that people are just going to pass me. So I always try to keep doing stuff actively in my career. I just... My fear is just to be like not doing anything. So... I mean, you have to do your shows and you have to... So you have to live life too.

I think I did that the first two years I was in LA and I think I wasted time. Yeah, but the thing is is that it's going to happen or not. Yeah. That's what I really believe. I think it's going to happen for you. Back to making a murderer. Stand up. Do stand up.

I'm doing stand up. Back to making a murderer. Are we or are we not going to have a special episode with Eric Griffin? There will be a special with Eric Griffin. Yeah, we will. When? Eric Griffin from Workaholics and his show just got picked up. The Jim Carrey one?

The Jim Carrey that produced one. Congratulations, Eric. And it's... He's very excited about it. Congratulations, Eric. But he... I made him watch Making a Murderer and he is obsessed with it. And he asked me if he wanted to do a podcast.

We want to do one special one. We'll do it. When I get back from Cleveland next week, we'll do a Making the Murderer Tiger Belly with Eric Griffin and he'll be our first guest. Okay. Nice. Okay. So he'll be third Mike then?

He'll be third Mike. What would be doing it here? We can go to the ATC. We actually can go to ATC to do it. Oh, wow. Our first time. Okay. Yeah.

We'll do that. And you should watch Galaxy Quest and everyone should watch it. It's very funny. It's about Tim Allen, Sigourney Weaver, Sam Rockwell. It's a comedy. It's very funny. Sam Rockwell is so funny in it. So funny in it.

You know what it's about? I'm assuming it's in the future. No. You're fucking just fucking listening. Space ship. Yeah, I love it. I've seen the cover. I love it.

It's basically a Star Trek cast who were in a hit show like Star Trek. And now there has been. They do conventions. Oh my God. Alan Rickman was the alien. Yeah. Yeah. With a head.

Yeah. Don't feel bad. I didn't. I had never seen it before. I just watched half of it for the first time a few days ago because he told me I had to see it. Yeah. Yeah.

So you're not alone. Gilbert. I generally hate comedies, but stuff. There are certain ones I can watch. Is that weird? What was the last main comedy you've seen on TV film? Anything that's like, oh, Guffman, waiting for Guffman. Chris for Guest Movie.

The dog show one. What's that called? Best in Show. Best in Show. Waiting for Guffman. I like all those movies because I know Hitchcock and a bunch of people in them and I respect them. But also that type of comedy I think is my favorite thing.

It's improvised. Improvised. Yeah. Really good character improvisers. And then I can't watch though, like, just like, I can't watch new comedies for some reason. So like you haven't seen like an Anchorman. Oh, I like that.

Oh, it's like you have. Okay. I saw Anchorman. I saw Elf. You know what I mean? Yeah. That's good. No, but it's like.

But why is that? Why can't you watch like you never watch any unless they're like old comedy specials like Richard Pryor or like I can't watch anything if I know them. That's at my level. No. Oh, okay. Also level that personally. Just love.

No, like, for instance, I can watch Christopher Guest Movies because I know Michael Hitchcock. And it, but he was a producer at Matt TV. So I look up to him. It's not one of those. He's my peer. He's like a teacher. Okay. Right.

If I see, I can't watch a movie, for instance, with like Baron holds, not that I don't think he's funny, not that I don't, he deserves it. It just takes me out of it. You know what I mean? And also there is a fucked up thing with me and it's, I'm going to say the most honest way possible is there's always a question in my head like, how come I'm not doing more more? You just said less is more.

No, that's not what I'm saying. What you're saying, what you're saying is, is that don't do live stuff and just keep writing in a room and keep producing shows that aren't going to do nothing for me, right? I'm saying, you know what I mean? Because there's nothing I can do that's going to get me into more stuff. You don't think you could afford to write more? I could write more stand up, right? But my point is, is that the way I got into love wasn't because anything of just, I got

the audition and I went to it. I see what you're saying. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. With the movie that I did that, you know, I just laid in America, they called me and they said, do you want to do the movie? Yeah.

You know what I mean? Yeah. I have something to share. Yeah. Because I stumbled across probably my favorite animated short film that I've ever seen in my life. What's it called? And it hits so hard.

It hit home so hard for me. It's called The World of Tomorrow and it's only 15 minutes. Is it a Pixar one? It's not a Pixar one. It's, I don't know who made it actually, but it's the main character is this girl Emily Prime and she's just a stick figure. And it talks about she, she's a young girl and she's being, she's being talked to by a clone of hers that's 237 years in the future.

And the clone that's 200 years in the future looks because she goes all the way back to Emily Prime, who's the very, very first original version of herself. And she says, she talks about what's happened in between these years, what cloning is about. And she basically needs something from this girl. I don't, I want to like. Yeah. I want to watch it. So don't ruin it for me.

Yeah. And I think that everyone who has Netflix should watch this. It was so well done. I'm going to watch it tonight. I'm going to watch it tonight. It's so cute. Very, very, very cute. I'm watching it tonight.

Say the title one more time. The World of Tomorrow. The World of Tomorrow. It's on Netflix. Do we have a question? On helpful advice with Bobby Lee and Kalala. Hello. I'm a 24 year old Korean girl living in Los Angeles area that wants to start dating Asian

guys. I am guilty of previously only dating white dudes, but I want to change that. Where are my problems? One, I don't know where to meet them. Two, how do I approach them without being too aggressive or passive? Three, I think they find me intimidating because I have tattoos and piercings or because I'm fairly blunt. I am also sober.

Don't know if that's relevant, but just thought I'd put it out there. Your biggest fan, Crystal. She's in AA. Or just sober. Yeah. Sober. Her name is Crystal. Yeah.

And she's Asian. And she only used to date. Kind of like the opposite of me. You know what I'd go? Just go to Cafe Blue. Oh, the on 6th Street? Yeah, that bar. I swear to God, there's like a lot of young people there.

I should go there too then. So I think that Crystal is basically the girl version of Gilbert and I think that you guys should fuck each other. That's my advice. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look, Gilbert needs an Asian girl. She wants to date Asian guys. Problem fucking solved. Unless, but Crystal, you would have to be open to having sex with a gay guy. Fuck you.

Yeah. With stretch marks. Disgusting. How do you feel about her questions that she asked? What do you mean her questions? She's like, I don't know where to meet them. We answer that. How do I approach them without being too aggressive or passive?

And you know, I, you know, I think that, I think that you're an American and I really have this, I think that you're just going to have to meet who you meet. I think you can't just specifically go, I'm going to meet an Asian girl. I didn't even know Kalaida was Asian by her photos on Tinder. What did you originally think? I thought she was Mexican or something. Like, I didn't even know, but with the name, it was just like, I don't know, you know? Yeah.

And then it's only when I met her, she revealed to me that she was Filipino, you know, or half, but she's from Philadelphia, Philippines. I just think that you meet who you meet. And that's that because I never thought that I would ever date a half Egyptian, half Filipino girl, but it's just what life presented itself and I took it, you know? And I just think she should just meet a good guy. It doesn't matter what race, right? Yeah.

That's a great answer, sweetie. Almost too helpful. Yeah, that's helpful. I, I, I just, you know, suggest that Gilbert, you know, jump on this opportunity. I think Gilbert, you're a great guy. I really do. And I, in the, what did we do in the living room earlier? What first?

Fondle each other for 30 minutes. Fondle you for a bit. We had a pretend rape situation. No, but we rust a little bit, huh? Yeah. And I put you in a what? You, I mean, I stuffed your tail. Front lock.

Front lock? Is that what you call it? Yeah. He was a bulldog. Yeah, a front lock. And you, you witnessed my strength. Did you not? I did.

Yeah. I said, you have a good sprawl. No, I, you witnessed my strength. Or that. Okay. That's what it is. Yeah. Okay.

He knows how to impose his weight. He knows how to impose his weight really, really well. Really well. So yeah, Crystal, Bobby and I don't go out to clubs, so we don't know where to meet other Asian people, but we eat at a restaurant that, that's right next to a club that looks like it has a lot of Asian dudes and it's cafe blue. No, I used to. I've done shows there.

Oh, you have? Yeah. I, my friend James owns that club. And I know there's a lot of young Asian people that from LA, that there are American, Korean Americans. You know what I mean? They don't, they're not fobs. And they hang out there.

I used to go, Danny Cho used to hang out there with me. Hey, Crystal. Let's do it. What if they're fobs? I think that's kind of cute. Nah, fuck fobs. What's wrong with fobs? I, I was considered a fob for a very long time and American Filipino kids like Gilbert

were not nice to me. I know. They were very clickish amongst their other Filipino Americans, but as soon as they saw someone fresh from the Philippines, they, I wasn't, I wasn't cool enough for them. Well, listen to the kind of stuff you were saying. Okay. I'm going to ask you, what's your favorite food, Kalayla? Fuck you, Gilbert.

Fuck you for being mean to me. I know you're kind. I know what you're on to. You fucking Carson Filipino. Okay. A question, one more question. Hey guys, this one is for all three, but mainly Kalayla, I guess. Within next month, I'm going to the Philippines, specifically Marvo Leves and Batan.

Miraviles? Yeah. And Gilbert, what the fuck is wrong with you? And Batan. I was wondering if you knew anything about these areas. Can you repeat those two places again? I'll say it like a Filipino. Marvo Leves, Batan.

And Batan. And you should know this, Gilbert. As a Filipino, you should know what the battle of Batan is and the Batan death march. What should I expect my first trip to the Philippines? Jesus. I mean, Bobby can tell you what Cebu was like. What was Cebu like when you first went to the Philippines? First impression.

So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. So beautiful. It's a beautiful, it's an island. It's a beautiful island and it's, they have modern malls, right? He calls it the fucking Tijuana of Asia. It's probably just beautiful.

Look, what's his, this guy's name? This is Damon. Damon? Damon, yeah. Damon. So Damon, first things first, you should, you should just quickly Wikipedia, Batan because it's a very historic place or a very historic peninsula in the Philippines. It's not.

So it's all the way up north in Luzon. And this is where I think give or take 50,000 or 70,000 U.S. and Filipino soldiers were forced by the Japanese Imperial Army, Army, Imperial Armenians, Imperial Army to march for six days without food or water to another prison camp. And basically they were tortured along the way. They were ran over by army trucks. And this was a really, really like gruesome time during World War II. This is actually right after like the Pearl Harbor bombing, Japanese then took over most

of Southeast Asia. So is this place more like a tourist, historical, like tour guides with all like the old prisons and that kind of stuff? And Batan? I've never personally been to Batan, but it's very close to like Manila, Pampanga, so I've been in like the surrounding area. It's still a city. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Of course. Americans can go there and they're fine. But I'm trying to figure out like for my advice is to discover as much of the Philippines as you can, because even the farthest point of the Philippines is only going to be like a 45 to 50 minute flight. And that be that Palawan, be that Cebu, Siargao, Kagaian de Oro, even all the way down to like the tip of Mindanao, maybe not go there because they do have like, you know, very, they're like militant Muslim groups that might kidnap you.

So don't go. I love how you slowly whisper that. It's a beautiful place. No, I don't want to like make, like, I don't want to say that negatively because like there are a lot of like, peacefully. Kidnappings are negative. No, but in the Philippines, like all of Mindanao, all of the south of the Philippines is predominantly Muslim, but we've always lived, you know, peacefully amongst each other.

Like I've, they've wanted to secede from the Philippines for a long time. It's like the autonomous region of Muslim Mindanao. But they've, you know, other than that, I grew up with a lot of Muslim people and they were, we never really had any, I never had issues with them. Yeah, Trump. But yeah, my three favorite places in the Philippines would have to be Palawan, specifically El Nido. I'm going to be biased and say you have to visit Cebu because that's my home island.

And don't go into the city. The city is in fucking shambles. Like the city is, is just run by, by young Koreans and it's, it literally is like Tijuana. But if you go to the surrounding areas, like Mactan, if you go all the way to the north and southern tip of Cebu, it's all beautiful, more like, you know, isolated beaches and stuff. And my third place that you need to go to is Camiguin. Camiguin is beautiful.

It's actually further, further south of Cebu. And they have, it's, it's like an island, island life, yeah, but have fun, eat everything thing, expect diarrhea, just, you know, be open to the experience, understand that it's a third world country that you're not going to have, you know, indoor plumbing all the time, but just embrace the whole experience no matter where you go. Filipinos are probably the most hospitable, kindest and most generous people that I've ever met. And they're always willing to help everybody speaks English out there, even if it's a little

bit and they're always, always, always going to point you in the right direction. So it's like, it's hard to get lost in the Philippines. So what else? Brought to you by Philippines, Board of Tourism, Kalyla. Can I just say that I have a friend, he's the, he's the, he's basically like the Ryan Seacrest of Asia. Oh yeah. Give him a shout out.

Ro Vilsen, right? And so Ro Vilsen, Fernandez, and he listens to our podcast and he asked me, he's like, hey, are you not banned yet from the Philippines? Because you talk mad shit. And I was like, wait, what do you mean? He was like, you know, like you got to be careful because anybody who speaks outwardly against the government or the Catholic church tends to get, tends to get banned. I think like Claire Danes or like a bunch of people are banned.

Wait, Claire Danes is banned from the Philippines? I think cause she said like Manila was dirty, which it fucking is. It's a fucking style. I haven't been there. I've seen pictures. It looks dirty. It's dirty. It really is dirty.

It's like a giant Chinatown. It's dirty. Yeah. But I mean, there's really a beauty to that, to that filth too. There's something romantic about the filth that is Manila. I don't know how else it's poetic, how dirty it is. Damn, are you a rapper? Maybe.

Jesus. But he said this and I was worried and I was like, whoa, like I need to figure out some list or something to see if I'm banned. But he assured me that even if I was banned that there would still be a way for me to visit a family back home. So I'm not too worried. I think I shouldn't sweat it just yet. Chill out Philippines.

So I'm going to stop talking shit about the Catholic church. And you know, just be good. Yeah. And I just made the Philippines sound spectacular five minutes ago. Didn't I? Yeah. Okay. Good.

I'm safe. I'm not banned. You did a great job reading off that script. Why, Bobby? We have an important thing to talk about. We do. Don't we need to talk about Dominic Cruz and TJ Dill? So we have a quick MMA minute this past weekend or yesterday for the Bantamweight title.

TJ Dillishaw fought Dominic Cruz and give us the rundown, Bobby. My rundown is this, that it was a very, very close fight. It was a toss up to see who the winner was really to be honest with you. I feel bad for TJ a little bit because he did, he was very good and he was in shape and he was, but Dominic was the original champion. He had that, you know, people go, well, they should give the benefit of doubt to TJ Dillishaw because he's the champion, but the thing is, is that really Dominic Cruz is the champion because he was the champion first.

He got hurt. They took the belt from him and then TJ became Bantamweight champion. And so in an even fight, I would give it to probably Dominic Cruz. I think it was TJ's, you know what I mean, chance to prove undoubtedly that he is the champion and I don't think that he did that. Nope. I don't know how that one judge scored four rounds to TJ though. That was weird.

Yeah. That was weird to me. Yeah. And some people say they don't know how one judge scored four rounds to Dominic Cruz either. Yeah. It was a very close fight. Like you said, we couldn't tell. Yeah.

In fact, when he won and knew when they said that, I jumped up on, but not like a baby. Yeah. I just got, you know what I mean? And I thought it was a great fight and I think that they're both champions in my eyes. But only one can be a champion and our true champion is Dominic Cruz, please reiterate that. San Diego wins. Yeah.

It's your San Diego boy. I know. He's the best. I'm happy he has the belt back. And I think that if he's not injured and if he stays healthy, I think that he can only evolve and be a more dangerous, monstrous version of himself in the coming years. That's if he stays healthy. And that's what Dana White said too, there is no such thing as small injuries with Dominic

Cruz. Dominic Cruz, yeah. Devastating, like, you know, devastating, yeah, like nine months out type of injury. They run out of the shows. Bobby's in. Yes. Bobby is going to be at Hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio this Thursday through Saturday. And next month, he is going to be both in Houston, Houston, Houston, Houston, Houston.

Valentine's Day weekend. And the following weekend after that, he will be at the Chicago Improv in Schomburg, Illinois. And that's it guys. Make sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes. Leave us a kind rating. Or really mean one. You don't know. We don't care anymore.

Don't care. It hurts my feelings, but we don't care. Stop hurting Kala's feelings. It really hurts my feelings. Yeah, and find us on Instagram at Tiger Belly and on Twitter at theTiger Belly. Email us all your questions to theTigerbellyatGmail.com. Bye. Bye.

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