TigerBelly - Episode 34: East meets East

Episode Date: March 23, 2016

Bobby is the Asian Donald Trump. Khalyla has a fear of big gums. Gilbert joins Asian Tinder. Your highness Suki makes a triumphant return. In this episode, we shit on everyone. If you cry easy or have onion skin, do not listen.    Recorded March 21, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube.com/tigerbelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly add free on Amazon music download the app today One two three tiny bubbles tiny bubbles in Hawaii Welcome to Tiger Belly everybody. My name is Bobby Lee and we've got special guest Asa Akira here with us again And we have my beautiful girlfriend Kalilah and we have Gilbert and pink Dix here and his nephew is here Wonderful night. Thank you so much for coming back. Asa. I love you. You're like family now

Thank you for having me. Have you guys had a guest since I was No The only one they try yeah, you're the only we trust you know I mean by the way I've been ever since you guys told me about that Quincy Jones guy I've like seen his name a couple of times and that one not cuz he's gone viral now He's gone viral number one. He was on Ellen twice and Ellen gave him an HBO special. Oh, wow Yeah, so maybe that's why but you guys discovered him. Well, I mean, I think that um Kalilah did no I just I met him at an open mic. I thought he was extremely talented

And he was by far one of the better comics of all the open mics that I went to and I was like, hey Do you want to open for Bobby and he said yeah? Whoa, you must have an eye for talent. He does she does and um, I did a show Friday night in Ontario No saturday night in Ontario and he was 30 minutes late and he wasn't late because he was sick. He was late because he was black She says great start to the podcast good He has a whole documentary team following. That's no excuse. Yeah, that's no yeah Yeah, I don't care if you're black or sick or a combination of both, right?

All right You show up on my show on time, but you know who was later to his show than Quincy. Who me? Oh you? He was late to his own show. Yeah. Yeah, but I'm the headliner Yeah, right. So it's like I think it's only fair that if a black person is late We say it's because he's black because guess what when I get into a car accident The first thing people fucking say is of course you're an asian driver. True. I'm okay. Thank you. Awesome That's a beautiful way of putting it. I've never heard of black people being late though. That's the first time Whatever, shut up. I mean, I know that they cross the street slowly

That's why I'm not a stereotype. That is, or according to him Yeah, according to me Maybe that's more an observation on Bobby's part No, when black people cross the street, they're showcasing They do a little dance, right? It's like a catwalk Well, the truth is is the reason why they do it is because they want to show people that they're no longer, you know what I mean Slaves, are you sure about? Yeah, I had a black friend's friend. Tell me that. Tell me that. What's the black man's name?

What's his name? Ian Edwards. Good. Yeah. Yeah, and he said that it's because we want they want to show their authority And that we're you know, they're not gonna rush for us that they're free people and I get it But the thing is is I got shit to do All right, so fucking run And I'm I'm gonna tell you say that because Asians are efficient. We're efficient. All right. Yeah, and you know what? I propose the city of LA I'm getting nervous make the crosswalks into tracks I

Just end the run across No, no, and then you put a gold a gold medal at the end of like each other's at the street. Yeah, I'm sure They'll get there faster Well, never find out That will literally I just want to see what I retract anything I really do believe this. I always say he is donald trump in an asian man's body Let me see this. I want to see everyone listening I literally didn't sleep at all last night at all right and I had the worst day of my life

So whatever comes in my mouth this episode It's probably gonna be the racist or fucked up and I have just I I'm so sorry I apologize. Self is coming out. My true self is coming out. This is his core. Yeah. He has a racist core. I'm racist I think I am I think everyone's a little bit racist though. Yeah Yeah, who are you raised like you a specific or no, I think I'm a racist against everyone Yeah, except asians. I have a lot to say about asians. I especially have a lot to say about koreans, too Yeah, but also I have a lot to say about filipinos. So I think you're right. I'm right. Let's start with okay To start with start with koreans. What do you not like about them?

I'm not I'm a fan of the koreans from the united states and probably from korea I don't like the koreans that go to the filipines. I don't like the koreans in my island. They basically Rape us off of our land and resources and they treat filipinos like shit if you go there and you know this bobby I love them Family they're different one. Is your family back home or back home back in the filipinos do they know about bobby? Obviously, yeah, they do but what do they think like are they like? Uh, they were worried at first because I mean now the general consensus amongst filipinos like about koreans The general like feeling that they have is that koreans come over

They they they treat the like filipino employees like shit. They basically run a muck in the town They mug um taxi drivers like for what? Right there. It's they treat the filipines like Um a playground a playground. Yeah, as if the people aren't really I mean, yes We are a third world country and in bobby's opinion. He probably thinks it's warranted to be treated that way No, I think it's a beautiful country And they have beautiful brown rivers. You love talking about the shit rivers. No, I didn't say shit rivers I said brown rivers. Why are they brown? Because they're I actually cried last week because he was

He was saying all these things about the filipines and we were having mexican food and I legit cried She cried every day. He tells me that my people are shit Like every day, he'll wake up. He's like you fucking dirty jungle agent Like your people are shit. Your people are shit. What the fuck wait wait. Oh, fuck you. All right. What do you what do we smell like koreans? mothballs And every day Every day I said chinese people she looks me right in the eyes of you smell like mothballs No, I say you smell like I submit. I say you smell like shit and mothballs

But is that all koreans or just no, I usually just think chinese people smell like that Also, like there's a difference between koreans and just bobby lee. Well, there is What about what about the japanese are they untouched? They're the worst Haas is like hides No, I mean the japanese though are first of all They're very creative and artsy and they're in terms of technology and industry ahead of the game And but you know but before You know Hiroshima and Nagasaki

They were the worst in terms of oppression in terms of taking over other people. They were the germany of asia. They were totally Yeah, they were in koreans. I mean, I think in a lot of ways. Honestly, japan still is really racist like I took tony um to We went to japan when my grandma was dying and I tried to um take him to a soap land You know, there's like massage parlors and none of the places would let him in because he's a foreigner And I was like so embarrassed. I was like this is a The degree of racism that I'm like not about how do they treat you? um

Normal until I open my mouth because I I'm fluent in japanese, but it's weird So I think they just think I'm like retarded It's not an accent. It's just that I don't speak it as Fluently as like, you know, someone who grew up there. So I think they're like, what's up with this girl I think that they would just that's funny that they're racist to a white guy That's such the opposite in the philippines like if george went to the philippines They would throw him over their shoulder and like parade him around town Like like a fucking prophet

You know, like the white man always wins in the philippines for some strange reason. I hate what do you call them x-pats x-pats x-pats they're the fucking worst Why because you're good or like I but because I spent two months in thailand Oh, yeah, you see a nine-year-old white man walking down the street with like a 19-year-old asian chick Yeah, holding hands. It's fucking disgusting. But do you hate the x-pats or Let me tell you something in the philippines in the provincial area. They're told to be opportunistic They're taught to be opportunistic. So these women it's it's sort of a use-use situation If the man is using her trust me when I say she's using him equally

So it's not it's it's it's mutually beneficial in my eyes It might be a little bit gross to us because we know that that dirty old uncle is He's that's the only place that he's gonna get laid. What is she gonna get out of it sucking ET dick? No, she gets to come and be an american citizen. She gets to migrate to america or london or australia It's just gross. He supports her Exactly and she gets to now petition for her other family members to then come over here and work. It's not her I'm not mad at her. I'm mad at these nine-year-old white dude. That's like what the fuck what gives You know, I mean, you don't find there's no morality or you don't feel gross about doing that

I I don't think he he should feel gross because I think calila is right like everybody wins Everyone's getting what they want. Let me ask you this then. What is just because we think it's gross Because I was sort of a product of that. I mean not to say that like my I am a product of that My father was 36 years older than my mother. So from a distance you would think that that's exactly the situation at hand, right? But they were married for 22 years and at you know, perhaps she had a little bit of an opportunistic You know intent in the beginning But they did become partners and they did raise my sister and I really well 36 years. Yeah

So she was 20. He was 60. Yeah, he was 60 when he Just in her to make me actually but actually I'm 30 and I imagine being with a 60 year old and that's not that weird Yeah, you have a match. She was 21 and she was very But your boyfriend your husband's not 60 now Tony 75 75 not 60 he's 10 years older But when I do think about being with a 60 year old man, like that's not so outlandish like I could I could imagine it Yeah, same. Let me ask you this. Um in your work. Have you worked with an older man? Yeah

Like how old yeah, what's the oldest the oldest man? I've been with is probably not in porn Oh, I see but in porn, maybe how was the oldest Is that a thing in porn with older man with a very young there is but I was never very young in porn And I always had fake tits. So I never played like that really young. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but I mean I mean like 60 probably is the oldest guy in porn. Wait, they have a whole website Dedicated to that that you like I knew she's gonna bring that up. I knew she was gonna bring that up. Hey, it's called older spree Oh, yeah

Oh, how old are they though? Uh, you know, um, good bobbies. Are they like grandpa old? Yeah. I mean, you know what it's for laughs I don't think so. Wait. Yeah, you're just shitting on these x-pads You're the one that watches the fucking website about x-pads. It's a self-hatred liar. Maybe it's a self-hell hatred thing Oh, let's move on. Um You know what let's move on can we start over? Why are you we we just shit on like everyone everyone just out we don't Chinese the Chinese We already said they are like month balls, too. That's obvious. Yeah. Yeah, but also kind of say something about the Chinese

Go ahead get it out there. Yeah. All right. First of all the china men Don't see we call them cms. Yeah, cms. The china men number one number two, right? They're chinks Oh, god. What's the third one? What's the third racial thing we have to erase after the show? And number three Just say it Bobby Ching chunks. I don't know about my Oh, no, but you know what kind of just say something fucking the euland dog eating festival. Oh, that's just that shit's fucked up That's fucked up. Okay. I just started sweating

I'm like sweating so hard Wait, what dog eating festival? Oh, you don't know about it. I thought oh that that's right Oh, okay, so that's euland dog eating festival every year, right? But what kind of dogs are they? Oh my god. Give me my phone. Give me your phone. It doesn't matter. Yeah Can we not do this right now? Well, I have to show her. I have to show my phone. Awesome. So basically They don't just farm dogs. They steal people's pets So let's see like they steal people's pets from like gated communities too Yeah, so like actual breeds dude. Yeah, like like your dog. You're like my dog. Yeah. Yeah

Oh my god, it's crazy because I always thought they just ate wild dogs. So I was like, no, that's okay They eat everything and they price the dogs differently and what's funny is about this is that people who actually defend the euland dog eating Festival say that oh, this has been a part of our leg You know a part of a culture for many years, but it hasn't that's a new thing. Yeah, and this is how they transport them Oh my god It's terrible and it still goes on and then when they you know actually cook them is they're like this Oh Wow, it's terrible. I mean, that's not that frightening because they could be any animal at that point

But I know I mean like they're completely skinned and laying on there like they look but a lot of these dogs are pets of people They have collars Right and they they have this like, you know, I mean this the chain thing whatever And they they grab them and then they and on mopeds and they drive them through the festival and they sell them for 100 bucks or whatever it is and it's so what's the most expensive one? I have no idea. I don't know. Should we just go there? There's there's this but it's not all Chinese because there are there is like a group of Of Chinese people who are really really against this who go to euland every year and who actually try to buy the dogs to save them

Yeah, yeah, but they boil them alive the way they kill them is Fracing and the dog is still alive and he's being boiled right and he's going Why can't they just shoot them? I mean, I'm not like any way supportive of this. That wasn't the best dog Shoot in like yeah, at least at the very least. Yeah, they just shoot them in the head. I don't know because bullets cost money boiling water is free Because economical yes, it is it's economical. It's economical, you know But it's that thing has to stop

You know, I mean and that's bad on China China in general. I think yeah, I mean if the fucking south Of the United States had something like that. It would be shame on the country I mean Michael vick was shame on the country. Yeah You know that was you know not too long ago. We're just as awful with every other animal though I mean pigs are technically more intelligent than dogs. Yeah, but I mean like dogs are like our friends Wow, great great intellectual answer. Yeah, dogs are our friends And we actually do more damage to the environment just by having cows and eating cows. Yeah, I know but they're so delicious You know good another valid way. Thank you

I think in Peru they have a cat eating festival once a year too in Peru. Yeah, what's their issue? I don't know. They just like it Peruvians, but just cats. Yeah, I'm not quite as against that Why? It's just a personal. No, but look at me right now. Why the fuck? I mean no offense because I know you have cats. I have three of them. Thank you But I mean I I'm just I don't know. What do you mean? I you don't know. They're not her friends. Yeah, but dogs Let me tell you something right now. I mean, I don't I think it's wrong

No, no, no, you don't you don't think it's as wrong. Bob is gonna strike you anymore. I'm not gonna strike her at all She's a friend of mine. Okay. I want to talk about it. Right. What the fuck is your problem? Okay, I let me just say something my fucking cats are like my family. Wow If some Peruvian fucker Eat my cat that would be wrong No, that would be an issue that would be just as much an issue to me as if someone ate my dog Exactly. Okay. Well, then there you go. But if it's just like objectively a cat versus a dog All right, your dog and my cat gooner my cat gooner. Well, obviously, we're gonna pick our own

I'm okay. Fine. Forget that. But the thing is is that there's still like, okay, let's just some random dog Okay, something might okay. My friend charlie has a dog, right? Okay, and then my friend Cat katie has a cat. Yeah, okay, and they're both you get to kill one or the other I fucking swore to god, man. What we were what about this? We were talking about this last week If you're stranded on an island and your partner died if tony died, would you eat his body? Oh to keep you alive. I mean the logical side of me wants to say yes, because I think that's the right thing to do I think that's what he would want me to do But if it actually came down to it, I don't know that I could

He's upset because I would legit eat him And he wouldn't he wouldn't eat coli. He wouldn't eat me. He would just let my my my body rot and waste Because if I'm at that point, right where you and I are left on an island you die Right, and I eat you and then what happens a week later. I'm dead anyway. No And if okay, oh, so I get saved in an hour. Yeah, I'm on a boat and I go What I would do is I would literally like freezer pack all I mean vacuum seal Yeah, so that I could have meat for months

So I would chop them up efficiently in the first Yeah You probably you think I brought this dry it like jerky some of it. Yeah. Yeah, I would cure it But you got salt water from the sea, but you gotta You got to make a decision quickly because the meat will go bad Especially if it's in a tropical area So you have to think quick like am I gonna eat him or am I not gonna eat him? You can't deliberate and sit on it for a week. All right. I'm gonna say this though

All right, if you eat me and then 40 years later you die I'll be up in the pearly gates. I'm gonna win. I'm a problem So you don't even want her to eat you That's selfish. Yeah, you want me to die? That is really selfish Whoa, really turn the tables on you. I'm just saying like for what reason you do not want her to eat Yeah, he's already useless to himself because I wouldn't eat her I want him to eat me. I don't want to eat you. I don't want to eat you I'll eat your pussy. I would wait which is that which is that? That's way grosser

How would you eat my pussy when I'm dead but not alive? You don't let me eat your pussy. Fuck it. I've been doing those rate games too Asa, you know what he did the last time this is what he calls romance. He's on top of me He thinks he's sort he thinks he we're making out and then he pauses and then pulls this long strand of fish guts out of his gums And he flicks it like over the bed like this like a sailor Like a sailor And he thinks that that's somehow like romantic and we're supposed to proceed Sex therapists. Also, what do you think?

That's pretty gross. Okay. That's his style. I mean, I wouldn't say it's romantic. Yeah, that's just how he does it But that's love. I think it's pure love love on netflix. Yeah Oh wait, we forgot about the Vietnamese Oh, I have no beef with vietnamese. Please not either Not either No, I here's the thing about here's the one thing. I would just say the one guy from vietnam Not the one guy from vietnam. I'm just gonna say one thing. Okay. Is it a lot of our stereotypes though? That are in america is based on

The vietnam war war movies Oh, yeah, you know what I mean? Because they made so many of they made platoon Um with um card metal jacket. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Full metal jacket. I think that's the one you were That would be way more appropriate of me. That was for you apocalypse now. I mean, you know The list goes on right and I think a lot of the stereotypes come from those types of movies That's the only thing, you know, I have against them, but they um, that's what you have against them. Yeah Yeah I mean against

That's it. No, I don't have anything. It's anything hollywood then I'm against the hollywood. He's already gotten in trouble for um from the vietnamese community So he's just trying to save himself like he's had to officially apologize to them. I did what as a group I won't I won't I called them jungle asians one like 12 15 years ago and I had to apologize and it's like But that's what they are Oh True listen, listen, we're all listen. We're all one people. We're all human being there is and our cultures you mean He tried he tried to act through it. I try this is the real bobby. He's tired. I tried to fucking do it

I tried to like, you know, I mean put You know, I mean bad dates on it. We've talked shit about enough races now that no, we have it It's more racist to not talk about everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah Indians Do you guys really call that asian? You still call that asian? No, he calls a mud asian Oh my god, I didn't know that So we're jungle asians. I love gondi. Yeah, I love gondi. We're jungle asians. So what are like korean japanese? What kind of asian snow asians? No asians? No asians? Why mud because of monsoons? I never call them mud asians. Oh, maybe it wasn't you. It wasn't me. I never call them mud asians

No, it's not. I love them. No, it's not. Yeah I think they're you know, it's kind of like Like russians Are they asian? They're eurasian, right? They're eurasian. Yeah, so I feel like it's like one of those things like technically well You're on asia. Yeah, white as fuck, but I don't know that I What do they like iraq on like the sat's? Oh, yeah, I want to do it. I think it's just but like in sat's is just caucasian, right in indian

No, no, no, no, no indians say asian. Yeah, they had to say asian because there's technically still south asian Yeah, my parents never liked indians. Why because they oh here goes. He's trying to keep a straight face No, this is a true thing, right? You're basically going to say how you feel Just say it's my parents, but it's really bobby Lee's thoughts. I'm not I'm fucking not right. This is what they told me Go ahead. Right. No, they own clothing stores. My parents used to own clothing stores. Oh, yeah Yeah, and they would be the only ones that would steal

So try to say indians. Yeah, indians don't steal. No, but they stole from my parents Maybe they just had beef with your parents and they browse they browse for a long time. They don't buy and they they want to also negotiate Negotiate everybody every philippine in america if you go to best buy what's wrong with browsing? When you go to best buy like 90 of people are doing When you go to best buy, right and it says like a computer is like, yeah, you're $1,200. Yeah, you don't negotiate the price down They'll do it You do. Yeah, they'll they'll put a little scratch intentionally on it. Yeah, this is what my jewish stepdad does

Like if he wants a shirt, he'll like rip off He does what he'll rip off a button out of the shirt Stop safely throw pennies All right, juice. Oh fuck. Oh shit. We're in so much trouble. Oh my god. Do you guys know? Hmong Hmong people. Oh my god. They're good, right? They don't do anything wrong. I feel like they're low-key Asian. Yeah. Yeah. What? Well, also doesn't even acknowledge. Are they even human? Hey the people of Hmong. They don't also doesn't acknowledge you. You keep knocking the camera. I'm sorry. I'm dying

No, but this is the racist hour. Yeah. Hmong are good people. Hmong are good people. Yes, we should start over. No, no, no, no They were displaced. No, right. Hmong were. Yeah. Yeah. They were in the mountains China like he dropped some real knowledge on his mong people right and they were driven up by the Right and then they like allowed them ended up in Cleveland or whatever Oh, they did it because you see a lot of Cleveland and you see a lot of them in Yeah, like more than california a lot. We have a lot in like west minster, right? We're like a lot of vietnamese there and stuff Galala post. I'm gonna pull through with you. These two are done. Galala mean you conversation I don't think there's a recovering from this. I feel it. This is great. This is great. Okay. This is great. This is great. This episode goes out to donald trump

Yeah, this is awesome. This is for you all you donald supporters. He should just basically hire all of us to campaign for him All right, so listen focus. All right. We didn't get the mexicans or the whites. Yeah, yeah There's and there's a there's a white and a mexican here Whites are so hard to offend because I think there's so many stereotypical things about whites, but it like doesn't It doesn't get to them. I feel like there's nothing to stick. Like cracker doesn't work No, but you could be like ha ha you wear shorts in the winter. Like is that yeah, or tivas Yeah, is that really that what does offend a white person is when you call them racists? Then they get really I think they're proud of that

George you're Yeah, yes, we are and thank you No, but um a white friend of mine said that the one painful thing you can say to a white guy is that their opinions don't matter I'm like, what that's not even a racist slur. He's like no people white people hate when you tell them their thoughts and opinions Like don't matter. Wait, but it's not No, no because Hey kalala your thoughts don't matter I don't know how he explained it because he's like at the top tier. What do you mean top tier?

Just say Vin Diesel. No, alex alex told me that but like the thing I I think Doesn't it have to be like specific to white people? Yeah It does have to be yeah, I mean it's like everyone has opinion because with us we have the physical stop too, right? Oh, yeah, the eyes the short we you know, I mean then we have the stereotypical stuff that they Rag on and then with men our dick size and all that stuff. So it's like and then they have also behavioral stuff Right, so they have an arsenal of things to rip us apart Yeah, you know and you know what used to drive me crazy is when I used to watch deaf jam And see black comics do it back in the 90s when like when I wasn't even a comedian

I would watch that I'd be like Really you're making fun of our dick size and they would do the accent and you're like dude like we're You know, I'm a minority too. You're a man But it's just like, you know, I think that's one of the reasons why maybe I did comedy, you know me because we need voices, but it's like You know, it's like anyway, you know white people don't have anything You can't say that you guys I mean, but you know in terms of like Atrocities in the world, right? You guys were responsible for many of it

Oh, really like the holocaust Why are you? Right like the holocaust Right What very specific white people. Yeah. Yeah What are you getting angry for? That's what you get them Oh my god, you got George angry. Oh my god. George could be angry. Oh my god. See that's what see that's what that's what happens

Yeah, and we get scared of a white man and we're scared. So maybe you're right. Maybe it is to call them racist Yeah But that's still like we're evil or you say that they're evil or they're bad people or that they own all the serial killers because they do Yeah Awesome Flip floppy and everything right now A serial killers are kind of cool Okay, if there were an if there were like a really notorious Japanese serial killer the yakuza. Yeah, I'd be kind of proud of him

I'm not gonna lie. I mean there was that Japanese guy who was a four exchange student I think in the Netherlands or something where he ate his roommate a white chick Oh, and he had so much money right his parents did that they he they flew him back to japan And he never got in trouble. He's and he's famous. Yeah, he's actually a really famous author now. Yeah, he um Yeah, he ate a white person. Yeah, how cool is that but japan protected? They never What are their extradition laws something happened because he was a foreign exchange student I think he had to be tried in japan. It was something weird like that Yeah, like he's technically but if you commit a crime that country you have to be extradited in that country unless they have

Different extradition laws like for instance, like I think that like switzerland is different from france different from england That's right. Look it up. Look it up. Look it up went to france because france doesn't have to extradite him And that's why I think it was in france. Actually, it could have been in france. Yeah, you know, I think it was in france It 100% in france. Actually, I think but for some reason he Had to get shipped back to japan because his dad is Absolutely tried there and they were like it's cool. Yeah, what are you guys's thoughts on um roman palansky? at his 13 year old What are the details? Yeah, I was like, hey claud, can you give us some background?

We know who roman palansky is obviously Wait, gilbert, gilbert, who is roman palansky? politician It sounds like a politician So um roman palansky, you don't know anything about him. No, okay. He was a director Okay, he directed many movies like rosemary's bear baby china town the pianist Oh, I've seen pianist. Okay. That was based on partially based on his life. That's real. He was in nazi germany He was a nazi polis. He was a polish kid who was a polish jew who um

lived through the holocaust His mom was um actually in ashowitz. I think okay, and he um Became a director, right and he came to the united states. He had some hits like rosemary's bear baby Um, I think cul-de-sac, you know and um, and then his he married a woman Sharon tate and Um charlie manson Killed her when she was like eight months pregnant or nine months pregnant eight months pregnant. Yeah, so um, she He had rented a house here somewhere in like, you know la and charles manson and his minions basically did

What charles wasn't actually there. Yeah, his minions actually. Yeah, his minions did it And also in the same house was the heir to the folger Oh, really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and um, and then they took her blood and put pig on the wall And that's why charlie manson is so famous because of that and then roman polanski, right? Um had sex with a 13 year old girl like maybe six or seven years later in 1977 And then he No, this is what happened So apparently she was the daughter of a model actress friend

And he asked the mom who was a model actress like hey, can I photograph your daughter and then the daughter accepted and I mean who wouldn't it's roman polanski. Yeah, exactly. So they they actually were in the house of um Uh, what's his name jack nicholson's house, but he was out of town And he started taking photographs of her and he offered her a little bit of a drink, but he gave her a quailude So very bill cross beat type away Yeah, I think it's wrong and then and just to put you in a reference is that he was as big as someone like j.j. abrams or For woody ellen. Yeah, woody ellen huge huge director. He was always in the fucking tabloids. I wish this happened now

I mean, I don't wish it ever happened, but like how much more exciting would it be if like Because I mean it happened back then it was a big deal, but I think if this were to happen now It would be a like if Steven Spielberg now would was caught with something like that. It'd be a woody ellen. What about woody ellen though? Yeah, that's true, but still it was it's still not today And that would still they're still together though a roman polanski is really not that one Mia ferro's daughter. Yeah The asian girl the asian daughter. No. No. He's married to the asian one. Yeah, he's married to the asian one But there's another one. Oh

Who's claiming that and I I think she's actually mia ferro's daughter. Oh, no, she's white Oh, she's white and she's saying that when she was five years old or whatever super young Um woody ellen would fuck her in the attic and woody ellen's defense Is that he's claustrophobic and he would never fucking go into an attic and I believe him. I believe him too I believe him, but yes, and also I'm so biased like I love woody ellen. I love his what wins claustrophobia or like Horniness. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, that's true. He had he had boner brain I think yeah boner brain will get you through really weird situations. That's so true This it's a difficult thing when you when you have someone that creates great art, but then they do atrocious things

Right. It's like I can't throw away my cosby fucking show dvds You could I know really like him though. He's a bad guy though Okay, you know, but what I'm saying is is that was just a joke what I just said But my point is is that like someone like Roman Polanski. He he fucked a 13-year-old girl, right? Beyond that, babe. If you watch his documentary, he lived a really hard life Right and he was the guy who like who made it out of nazi poland and who you know went through a huge like Long stage of like starvation where you couldn't even find his father. His mom was in the gas chamber

And that's all before his pregnant wife was murdered by Charles Manson. Yeah, so So you're thinking that he owed he was I don't think so at all Then here's some tight pussy for you. No You know what at this point? I deserve this pussy. Yeah. Here's a quailude But I feel like that's just what they did in the 70s, which is quailude and drink Yeah, right and god. I'm I'm telling you now. I'm I'm guessing so many big names got away with it I'm telling you now probably jack. I'm not making any claims, but jack Nicholson and all those guys were like, holy shit

We didn't get caught because that was probably part of like that was a sport in the 70s If you think Drew Barrymore wasn't fucking at 11. Yeah, you're a fool. Yeah You think she was fucking at 11? Yeah, she was in rehab by the time she was 11 What would that? What was great balls of fire guy? What's his name? Jerry Lee Lewis and that was his cousin. Yeah That was a 14 year old cousin he married 14 if that happened now he'd be lynched but they were in love. They were in love You think love makes a difference? Love? Yeah, Netflix. She loved him and he loved tight pussy But the Roman Polanski chick

The Roman Polanski girl now claims that you know what he did was wrong, but it was really blown out of proportion Yeah, I'm like, what's blown out of proportion? Maybe it was mutual a little bit. Maybe I think Blowing out of proportion is just a matter of like how damaged you were by it. Yeah, because she could very well be So damaged now and then it would be a big deal. She made it because she isn't right. Oh, she wrote a book She's an author, you know, and Gilbert also he hasn't been in America since 1977. So these movies he's done after 1977 had been European movies He hasn't been here. I think like I think you have a point though, Kalyla Like I don't think that any of that stuff excuses what he did

But yeah, like he's clearly not like a mentally healthy person. I mean how no the odds that he is is like No, but he's got oh, he's got kids and he loves now. He has a wife that you know But like he must be fucked up somehow to go through all that shit Yeah, I think there's a little bit of a scar he's scarred. He's a scarred man. You can't go through something like that But he's a smart man. He's very smart very smart bright and he seems so Meek and sweet. Yeah in his interviews like he just seems like a small like petite like sweet man He doesn't seem like that. Cosby to me seems creepy. Yeah, he's creepy. You know cosby looks like a creep to me. Well now Yeah, especially a Roman pilas. He's so cute. Yeah

And also Gilbert you should know Things like roman pilas. You know, I don't know a lot of things. I know but my point is is that like, why don't you? Get your shit together. I'm sorry. Gilbert's on a new dating app What's it called? It's for you guys. I'm doing it for you guys. What is it called? It's also it's called eats east meet east dot com only Asians on Asians and they even did the wrong thing. It's not even east meets eats is east meet east Oh, it doesn't say meets. No Do you do you match with anybody yet? I'm hot shit on there. Can I see some of the people you matched with? I ran out of my trial

They probably don't know you have no money. All right. You have to pay for it. That's the that's the thing about this site It's the first thing they ask you is how much what's your salary? Yeah Where did you go to school and then all the other stuff come? Yeah Yeah, oh my god, they break it down by ethnicity Oh, really? Yeah, so right now I'm really into indonesian girls. Among us there. I didn't click on it Why why did you pick pick one? Okay? I'm gonna apologize to all the mong people, but I've seen one mong girl Yeah, I'm just basing their whole nation on that. Why don't what does she look like? I would just select all

Like if it was if it was me but darker and the eyes weren't open Do you have an option where you can select all? Yeah Just do that. Just do it. I don't like all just to be unchecked it liberal. You know I mean, yeah Throw in the are indian girls there. No, no indians Yeah, but they allow latino girls on there What very confusing and white and white guys can go on there too to find asian girls. No I hate that God that makes me so furious

Get off I'm gonna snap that phone out your hand George So we can can white girls get on it to find Asian guys Yeah, cuz there was one girl who messes me was white. Well, then there we go So Asian right now Imagine there was this like all like white meat white. Yeah. Yeah, and there probably is like Christian mingle. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, so, um, wow, so white people are on it who have fetishes We don't know if they have fetish. What if no the 100 what so they're just there to hopefully find a white person

Like a lot of reasons for sure a white person on eat meat eat eat east For sure a white person on that Asian dating app is like undatable you think he is oh out of the question Why the sheer fact that he found a website called East meets East. Yeah disturbing. Okay, and let me ask you this Okay, I'm a white guy. Okay. I look like Tom Hardy. Okay. Yeah, and I'm like I like Asian chicks. Yes, right Well, there you go. Yeah, but come on, they're not gonna look like Tom Hardy. No, but I've seen a lot of beat They're not real life. That's not real life. Yeah, okay a guy that's resembled them. You know me. No That's not real life either. There's no one. There's no other Tom Hardy. Oh my god together ladies

You fucking swallow the pill. Who have you who have you a matched with you said I want to try to pull it up a lot I didn't I've never met an Indonesian girl, but all the hot ones are Indonesian. I don't know why Filipino girls A lot of them are heavy on this site. Oh, really? We have heavy Filipinos. Yes, we do in America We do not so much. What about the Koreans? I think Filipino is the hottest Asian I haven't matched with any Koreans. I think it's she explains me why though with who? Koreans look down on I said I just put zero I put I'm an actor and I have no money But I still got shit, but it was from like beat me these girls

Indonesian girls way too many mongrels, but I had to check them off. Oh Yes, that's bad And that's so weird. They don't have Indian. Yeah, it's racist. I don't like the Asian the Chinese girls on there either Why none of them are American? This is one guy on there's one guy on there and a bill. I really like Bill Basically, you're there for the white people no nijins switch to grinder Gilbert. Let's get real. I'll just do grinder. It's yeah But you've never gone on a date on that side. Is there okay? What happens you match? Is it like Tinder where there's a message board a lot of message talking? Yeah, right?

So a lot of it's but you have to pay to be on it. Yeah in my trial right now But I'm gonna pull up the list so you can see it's like I think a hundred a year That's not bad only guys have to pay Only guys have to be yes only guys have to pay always if you go to a swingers party only guys Yeah, are you a feminist? It's not even about feminism. Yeah, it's about the ratio. That's actually gonna show up if you have You're you're selling most of the people that are gonna log on to here. Believe it or not are men Like you're gonna have a lower ratio of women if you if you haven't paid women are just like no Just it's ingrained in our brain for some reason that we we're not gonna pay

For a dating. Yeah, that's just not gonna happen. We could yell out the window and get fucked. Yeah. Yeah That one just looks really like frightening Gilbert Filipino girls are so dark on there Oh, this one you're fucking racist your own people Bobby, it's a fucking ghost This one looks like a fucking ghost Okay, I don't know look how the fuck do you even know what she looks like she's a blanket on her face I Notice all the probably a hooker all the Chinese girls do that. They always like cover themselves. They're covering their face They're a hooker. Yeah, I think you're on hooker. What is that?

The bottom one. Yeah, yeah, Filipino. I told you I think it's a Filipino man. Yeah, I don't trust anything on that side. That's Filipino Wait, so you matched with those girls. No, that's just like some of the lists the ones that matched are the ones that are smiles Oh, I know it was hot. Let me see. Let me see She's from Murrieta, California. Let me see. Is that the long-haired one? She's okay. No, she's She's okay. She's a what does she out? She's a cosmetologist. So what you wait? What's the what's the thing of what are you judging? Yeah, no, it's great. Oh, okay. Someone also poor like me. Oh Really? What is the cosmetologist a makeup artist? Yeah, but it's hard to get into makeup. Yeah

Editorial yeah, but I think they make a really good living especially if you work in LA What about the ones in porn? If The ones that do well do well and everybody else not doing well Yeah, because you have to like get with an agency and like a lot of like, you know, the good jobs are They're they're not even paying people. They're just doing it for the resume. Oh, really? So I Think porn makeup artists like make a lot more than like your average makeup. Oh, do they? Wait, we're getting paid what they get paid more than like like a movie and makeup artist No, like not a movie makeup artist because I think like the makeup artists that are working or me

I it's kind of like acting I think is it to be have a like the ones who are known or making money and everyone else is not You have an agent too, right? I don't know how it works. Mark Spiegel. Yeah, Mark. Yeah, I like him. Yeah Yeah, so what does he take 10% is that like normal? So he takes 10% of all my money great I mean, that's what agents. Are you really everything? But actually now that I'm with wicked he doesn't get anything why because you got that deal Well, and also Yeah, basically like it once you're under contract. It's like because he's not working for me You know, but he got didn't he not get you the wicked thing

Not directly mm-hmm. Also, he's my friend. Yeah, well, you know what happened to me, right? I didn't have an agent No, I was but back when I got my TV Yeah, I didn't have an agent right so I couldn't get an agent get that job because of my manager Boom who I'm still with right so she she had a client who was a producer on that Lauren Dombrovsky So I got the audition through Lauren and then what happened was the day I tested for the show Which you know, you go to the network and you audition for the network Gersh called me and they said hey We're negotiating your contract. I go who the fuck are you there were the Gersh agency? I go. Yeah, but what's the new what?

The yeah, and then my manager goes you have to sign with them Because if you sign with them if you sign with them, then they're gonna get your movies and all this other stuff Of course good, too. So um, I Signed with them. They did one day of negotiating. They got eight years of ten Ten percent of my money every week for doing one day of work. They didn't start with you. What they didn't even start with you No, they showed up the day. I got the fucking show. Yeah, and so when I left I left Didn't really do much, you know, man How long was that contract for?

Why I mean they got eight years of Matt TV. No matter what yeah, no matter what right because they did the negotiation, right? Right, so they made thousands of did they get you other work? I mean, I got Harold and Kumar But it's like yeah, but I got that one scene like who gives a fuck. Yeah, but everyone knows Yeah, but I'm just saying though that like did they do that or was it because I was on Matt TV And because I was already on their radar. I don't know did they get a call like yeah, we heard you represent Bobby Lee Yeah, like I wasn't I never even went inside the building ever before. Oh, wow at least with CAA They you know, they have meetings with me. They give me coffee Yeah, they show me like paperwork like this is what we're tracking what we're trying to do for you

And they're like the best, right? Yeah, but you know what they're all the same thing I mean, I love my guys, but I really do. I love my guys, but I don't want to talk about so before this Before we started the podcast we were talking in the living room and you and also agreed on something So with you, this is what I noticed when it comes to work you cry when you're not working But when you finally do get work you cry even more. Yeah, you just you're never happy Yeah, with what you have like explain to me that process and why that happens. Okay, um, I cry When I don't have work because I want to work Okay, and I cry when I have work because it's usually work

I don't necessarily wanted to do but that's what's given to me But then when you're doing the work you want to do I still cry because you're scared Last thing you're ever gonna do. Yeah, that I Never happy. So when are you winning? When do you feel like you're winning? I I just discovered this recently I'm winning when I'm looking back in hindsight Mmm, like I'm I can be happy for myself Three years ago But at the time it was all anxiety of like either it's gonna disappear or it was so slow that I you know

Should I get a job or I was so busy that I was having a nervous breakdown because I never got time off like it was never I Never was like, oh, I feel like really cool right now. Yeah, but in hindsight I can be happy for myself That's true. That's true. I do that a lot like I remember I miss that when when I remember when I was doing doing that thing I missed I was complaining the whole time Telling people to fuck off, right? Yeah, like in disbelief that people are asking so much of you a perfect example is let's let's say he was offered an audition offered to Read for a part. Mm-hmm. He'll then come home cry and be like, what the fuck? Why do I even have to audition still? So then the they'll they'll say, okay, don't audition they offer him the part and then now he's pissed because he's like

Why don't even know it? I should have auditioned so I can know the part better So he flip-flops so much that I never know when he's actually happy. So I always never never What make no, but I'm gonna say this what is I'm gonna say this right now. All right, shut I love you guys Okay, shut the fuck up. I love you guys. Okay. I want to say this right now I love you that I was talking. Yeah, shut the fuck up. She's for real. Yeah, but I love you You know, I I have to honestly say doing love Is though is I am not even kidding you is the closest I've become I've come to actually Let loving would I I mean wow why like what do you think is about it?

I'll because because it's the first time where they asked me to come in and talk about Who I am as a person and they wrote the role around me Not only that right but it's also like, you know, it's Judd Apatow, right? It's you know, these people that Paul Ross people that I like great writers, right great writers and My friend Dave King is a writer there and he he's it's like I show up and I go Hey, can I say it this way cool and they go? Yeah, say it that way. However feels natural Whereas you could do most things like no say it exactly the way fucking wrote it, right? And it's like I'll do it that way, but it's not fun

Right, so it's like and also I'm around Gillian which all my scenes are with Gillian and she's so cool She really is she's like the nicest person. I've ever worked. She seems really cool She's like so cool and she's fun and she makes me laugh and she's like, yeah, like no issues No, Holly. She's easy, right? So I think this is the only thing I mean mad TV was fun, but nobody that was a shit show I mean I in retrospect it wasn't right but at the top at the time right people were saying that mad TV is SNL's bitch, right mad TV was so much funny. I understand that people say that but When you left mad TV like when I did and you left SNL you could see the difference between the love from casting

Yeah, it's like you leave SNL will get you your movies. You know me deals this and that You leave mad TV. You're waiting in line at auditions, right? And you're going on the road and you got nothing going on so you could really see it You know, I mean, I mean and now thanks. Thank God for Keegan, you know, I mean and Jordan for key and peel and I Baron holds a success and will and Alex Borestein all these guys You mean after mad TV have paved, you know, I mean really good careers, right? And they're credible You know me entities now and it's like they did that. I think they changed the perception You know me, but at the time we were we were like fucking

You know At least it was full circle at least it was full circle. So do you think it's possible that it's it's not even Because I think for me the unhappiness is like deep inside of me I don't think it's anything that's like I don't think the outside world can affect it I think I'm just always gonna be unhappy about what's going on right now But do you think for you? Is it possible that literally like this is just the first time you've ever really liked your role? I think I think so because He's a tough read man. Just this past week alone. He's actually gotten a lot of offers and he I've never heard him cry

More in my life more in our relationship like last night. I mean, he'll say things like I love you Okay, I'll love you. Okay. Yeah, but I'm gonna say what you said last night. Okay, okay. He'll say things like this. He's like, okay? Wait, are there other rules? No, shut up shut up for a second. Okay, I love you but shut the fuck up on Netflix season two. Yeah, all right If you bring up Harrison Ford, I will no Do it if you bring up Harrison Ford. I'm gonna snap snap. I'm okay with that. You've snapped on me all week Okay, I'll take my chance and I'm gonna. I'm gonna have to I have a position that I'm gonna say, okay, right? I want to hear both sides. Okay. Thank you. So so yesterday last night

He's like, I don't even know why I have to memorize these lines. No Let it go. Let it go. Yeah word for word. He's like, I don't understand why that word because that's what I said because he had difficulty with one sentence and he was getting frustrated So I was like, well, that's what the writers wrote. So that's what you have to read, right? And he was like, well, you know Harrison Ford and Marlon Brando would tell writers to be like, I'm not saying that I'm like, yeah, except sweetie You're not Harrison Ford or Marlon Brando before they were them though

But he thinks he can know what I'm saying is this right that for a fact though Yeah, I know that it's it's it's like Harrison Ford doesn't want to say certain things So he just makes it more clear the way he wants to say it and he says that stuff. I think that's a known fact Mm-hmm. Right. Oh, really? And he's always been like that. Yeah, okay But doesn't that just depend on the director? Like some directors will allow that. That's why that's why you don't see Harrison Ford in an Aaron Sorkin movie because Aaron Sorker's writing is you have to say everything word for word, right? Who's Aaron Sorkin? He did the West Wing social network. Okay. Very fast. All right guys like David Fincher, right? He he does a million takes, right? And I mean from what I heard Jake Gyllenhaal, right after he did Zodiac

Didn't want to work with him after that because it was a nightmare Right because he had to do a thousand Yeah, yeah, my point is is that if you're it's Jake Gyllenhaal's right, right? I'm not saying I'm as talented as them I suck. Let's just throw that out there. I'm a bad actor and I don't even deserve to work Okay, let's just put that out there. Okay, just listen to me right now. Okay, what I'm saying. I'm not saying that either Okay, what a fuck I'm saying. I'm sorry for yelling What the fuck I'm saying is this is is that if Jake Gyllenhaal doesn't want to do a David Fincher movie He has every right not to do one

True, right because he doesn't want to work in that environment, right? Okay, all I'm saying is that you know, I mean there's a line that I have a difficult time saying I just feel like I You know, I want to say I can't say that So you're saying you shouldn't have to I tried this morning But that's like literally I just said I tried it 60 times today, right? Because I'm not Harrison Ford, right and I'm not Jake Gyllenhaal or any of these people so I have to show up right and do exactly what they wrote and I wasted an hour of time trying to get this one line out and You know, I mean, I sweated and I was embarrassed

What was the line so you could feel the crew like everyone just like the pressure? Um, it was like if it wasn't for this leg length discrepancy disorder, I'd be right beside him I understand that but that was between four other like a line and three lines and back And you have to say it fast, right because I'm on a computer saying it to from a guy like looking up to right So I just couldn't do it. All right, and I love the show's great It's just that one line and I did it for the show and I will I have to shoot on the show I'm doing the son of his horn on Fox and I'm gonna show up Thursday and I'm gonna do it again And I love the show I love the people but I fucked up and I don't know how to say that line and I feel bad about it

But it's like, you know, I I just last night. I just said why can't I just say it the way I want to say it And then we got an argument about it. I Could see both sides though because like on one hand I think yeah, it's like whatever is written like that was the vision and you're literally just the vessel Right. So if you were a writer, like would you want people to read it word for word because you put in the hell? Yeah, same here. Definitely like I don't like being misquoted ever I can't even imagine if I wrote something for people to read if they changed it. I think I'd murder them, right? But I can also see how it's like if you're having such a difficult time saying it like why can't it just be something?

I mean, I change it to okay What the thing is is that I said I was born with one leg shorter than the other. Okay, right? So it's a condition. So I said it that way. So it's not as if I'm not Telling the joke or that the story right, right? I'm saying it the way I know how to say it So if you wrote something right 99% of the time, I'd probably say it the way you wrote it But there'd be a couple of lines where like I want to say it like this because it doesn't come natural And you would want the best fucking performance for me. That's true. Yeah, that's true, too You do want it to like be the best you wanted to roll off is that's all I'm saying, okay?

And I love the show son of Zorn. I love love. I love what I'm doing right now, and I'm grateful for the work Okay, so I don't want to talk about it anymore. Okay. All right, long speaking of the entertainment industry There's someone in this room that's gonna be auditioning for his first time For something are you George George? What do you audition? So he's never been to audition before so it's just an audition so what things should he do to prep for an audition? Also, you go to a lot of auditions. No We don't have offers. Well, not only that like in porn. We just don't have auditions What a mindset just a mindset going in to audition okay, let's let's say you're an agent right like you're a porn agent

Okay, I'm a new girl. Okay. Okay, so I'm in your office. Okay, so I'm gonna call be called up Sally lips Sally big lips That's my name. Okay, so go. Okay, so how do I start? All right, okay, Sally big lips. I Don't know. I'm so bad Agent what do I do? I've never auditioned. What would you do as an agent? I I think I would just go off the vibe But how would you give me a job? How does that work? I? I mean porn. It's like come on. Yes, Bobby. She's already willing to get naked Yeah, I'm camera like you really want to know so I could if I was I feel like take off your shirt. I

Got the job Backroom casting couch. Let me see how well you can arch your back But some some girls work more than others, right? Yeah, so that you could help them with like a hook I think honestly like in porn it's it comes down to a lot of things like your looks number one obviously That's important. Yeah, how well you can fuck but also like I think attitude goes a long way good energy Having a smile on your face not complaining. Yeah, we do. Yeah But I feel like you don't complain out loud. No, I don't yeah It's all inside and I save it up for like same with him the ones that I love same

He he has no complaints ever. I only with me though like you only ever I say it right she gets everything right. Yeah, right, so I have to carry this big bag I'm just diva complaints. Yeah. Yeah, and I also don't let it out for like the first few months of the relationship So it's like once they're hooked then I let it all out and it's like it's too late Like yeah, yeah, you show everything. Yeah, my left foot. You know, I have yeah athletes for it. It's like a fucking fuck Wait still no But better a little better now, right, but I hit it like I wore a sock on that foot Yeah, but only on the only on that foot and he has sex only a sock on that yeah one sock on that foot

Did you ever question suspicious? That was just one of my things. Yeah, I was like, he probably has just one bad toenail I just want to show yeah, I would shave down there. Oh now it's just yeah, it's a jungle. Yeah, it's jungle It's a mess. Yeah. Yeah, but like you do that. I would be suspicious if he did trim though I'd I'd for sure think he was cheating on me. Um, I I totally agree with that one 100% whenever like I go on a non-work trip Like if I just like go away somewhere the first thing Tony asks me is let me see your pussy Yeah, I'm not gonna shave my pussy on a non-work trip, right? Yeah, like why that's a good one Yeah, oh, I asked to smell his dick all the time

Let me smell your dick as soon as he walks in a door like let me smell your dick. Yeah. Yeah, I'm very Babe, I don't want to do this right now. You smell your dick, babe. No, yeah all the time Was it garbage it does if it doesn't smell like garbage. Yeah, if it doesn't smell like garbage It smells actually I'm concerned. It's yeah, if it's clean. She should be concerned. Yeah, exactly Okay, yeah, I'm looking for the fun. Yeah, I'm looking for your usual, you know shitty penis. Yeah Come on The best I can Are you

My best under the pressure you were doing your best in the beginning of the relationship Yeah, but you you just said that I don't think I am either. I mean I definitely haven't worn anything That's the luxury of being in a relationship though, right is they love you even I I don't think they even see like what we're wearing I think that guys Keep it in though. I think that they do notice it because a few weeks ago. He says, you know what you could afford to show more cleavage What that's that's verbatim what he said to me Okay, you should sell yourself a little better

Wow, no on the podcast on the podcast I refuse when we do the thing. That's not for me I'm gonna say this right now, okay I swore to God. All right that I love her with all my heart and when I see her I see my girlfriend, but also mostly I see family. Wow, she's like a part of my I'm just saying she's a part of my blood. Yeah, I mean and I would do anything for her Okay, and so it's awkward babe in front of all these. No, that's real I think it's awkward for you, but it's not that awkward for us. Yeah, I really do when I see her. It's like, you know, I mean home Yeah, that's so sweet. Would you want that or the other thing?

But do you like notice when she's wearing makeup and when she's not no, yeah, that's what I mean Like I don't I like that because I mean I wear makeup probably once a week and probably just tonight Whether the rest of the week. I'm in pajama pants, right? I'm the same when she's not wearing makeup and she just you know me She's in the morning and she has that weird smile with her cheeks and stuff. What is that? She does like that's your favorite. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like oh, that's my favorite. Oh, do that face Yeah, yeah, she does a thing there it is and their little gout her gout like this like this Yeah, yeah got teeth and I go. Oh, that's my KK. Yeah, I mean, that's what I like. That's what I love

That that's love on Netflix Awesome high-five bad Man, do you work for the show? What do we have time? 106 Pretty good, right? That's pretty good. Like it's been an hour. Yeah over an hour. We're just talking insulting every race Yeah, I think that was the most racist episode we've ever done. Can I say something? One more one last thing? Can I say one thing? What what about the ties? What do you mean? Thailand people? Oh, I never talked about Thailand. Oh, wow untouchable. I love that place

Because he's literally got his asshole eaten every day while he was there. I love that. So nothing wrong with you Thailand The food was amazing. The people are kind, right? I like mopeds. I do I love mopeds and I love, you know, I mean the society the one thing about Thailand. I don't like King oh the king. What's his deal? You're not supposed to out release anything about the king I'm not in Thailand. So I can say whatever I want and you're not Thai, but you might be persona non grata Whatever. Okay. Did you know I you know, I was told this is that when you're in a movie theater And they do a five-minute montage of the king You have to stand if you don't stand the citizens are allowed to kill you

They're allowed to kill you. What? Yeah, I mean they're like a citizen's arrest, but a murder. Yeah I mean, they're a lot. Yeah, like if I just murder her if I see the king statue and I spit on it And go you fucking faggot and I spit on it, right? They can they can kill you in what way? I mean, do they I don't know machete like your cousins machete, you know, man cousins are all murderers Yeah, but it's like so I stood you mean you have to stand fuck. Yeah And then like at six o'clock if you're in a park I heard this music and then you have to stop Right, it's it's the music for the king or whatever and you have to stop and not move

You're just standing there for like five minutes, you know, I mean for this music every day. Yeah, like six o'clock. Yeah What and what do you can you talk? I didn't I was scared. I want to die. Yeah Yeah, yeah, I was whatever I was doing like this. Yeah, I mean at one point I was like this like this can't move can't move Can't move. What do you guys think about that kid who got sentenced to 15 years of hard labor in North Korea? He got caught with just like I guess he stole a few like posters for in North Korea in North Korea a North Korean kid No, no a white guy from America. Oh a college kid. So he got stopped in the airport. And what was he doing in North Korea? I don't know. He was there on some I think he was part of his church Thing like a missionary. Yeah, I'm not sure exactly what but he was there too obviously, you know

And he stole some posters. Yeah, and then now he got sentenced to 15 years of hard labor Um, the in North Korea the coach for the North Korean soccer team matter his pair The coach of the North Korean soccer team remember that year they went and they lost. Yeah, he went to fucking concentration camp what you for losing Yeah, you that's anything For you could you could just go for nothing Wouldn't as it wouldn't she has a parent like sit your son down before he goes to North Korea and just go over the rules like you Like just don't go

He doesn't fucking know that my son That if you go know if my son went to North Korea doesn't hand out flyers. Do you think that he still believes in God? Oh That's a good one Because I don't I mean how could he he went on God's mission Yeah, but with people who are sentenced to 15 years people separate humanity from God though Like they always they they're very There's a very like strict line between what like Christians think humans are capable of doing and what God He probably in his mind things like this is God's plan. That's always how there's something. There's a yeah kids

They get molested. Yeah kids that get molested by priests still believe in God Yeah, do you believe that how is that different because you're you're going no you're a kid you believe in God You go to church God's house and then you get fucked in the ass Yeah, but I think it's different for kids What? No, I'm not saying like that. It's not horrible. Yeah, that they don't think it's horrible, but I think I Mean, I don't know no if I get fucked in God's house in the butthole You're not it like thinking that logically when you're a kid though, like as I get older as I get older

I'll be like God. I got fucked in a church. I Fuck well, maybe Stockholm syndrome. I don't know maybe by God I have to take this use because this is God's plan for right to get hit in the face every day, right? We get buff bucked every day. I just think maybe he masturbated once and thinks that that's his punishment. Oh My god, you know or something. I'm sure yeah, like I'm sure anything could be justified I guess yeah, or like the the white kid in North Korea is probably like I don't know like now. I'm a martyr Yeah, you justify it God in your head Reasons to love

I know like you what you see spotlight. Yeah. Yeah, I mean it's just crazy Crazy the list that they end in the movie. Oh my god. You're like still still My island was on there's to boo oh Philippines is such a it's mostly Catholic nation. So all right now. Who are we gonna vote for in the election? Yeah Well, I mean like Well, we don't know who's there for Bernie or Hillary. No, just in the primaries Okay, honestly, I'm really dumb about politics. It's okay. So what you got just on face. Are you registered to vote gut? So I was registered to vote in New York and I'm not anymore

And then like I okay, I'm gonna tell the truth. Yeah The reason I haven't like re-registered in California or whatever it's because I don't want to be called for jury Wait, is that how you get called for jury? Yeah, I think you just registered me Registered him to vote last week. Yeah. Yeah, so I You weren't registered. No And I never I've never been asked for jury Last week I registered. I'm gonna get I'm gonna get you're gonna get your duty now Bitch, I don't want to do that shit. You could just say you're on set. You can do you can I say I flat feet like the military

Or yeah, you could just say that you have feelings towards like the police or like the justice system Yeah, they'll always just dismiss you if you have but I have to show up. Do I have to show up? Yeah, yeah, I don't want to show up Online you can just make an excuse. You're doing it You're doing all that talking about this on a podcast all legal I Want Trump to win the nominee for on the Republic? I think it's definitely the most entertaining fucking so fun to work entertaining ever It's also sad. No, it's very violent back. It's he's gonna win

Basically, we all sounded like Trump in this episode He's gonna win the nomination are trying to be president or yeah country right and and I Hillary's gonna win the nomination And Hillary's gonna become president. That's I think that's a fact. Also the difference between us and Trump I think we we wait. Why do you think we understand when we say offensive things? He doesn't like he's he just thinks he's being a great and honest person but also do you think like Do you think I think right now? He's running for real? Obviously

But do you think that when he first started running do you think it's possible it was just a PR stunt good? Yes, it could be could be yeah, like I can't imagine him actually thinking he's Really well. He's like he's the first guy to ever win by losing. He's losing so much, you know Respective people like us. He's losing so much of his previous reputation as being this, you know Businessmen to be but he's the first guy to actually win probably win The the ticket by being by losing by being a shitty man, you know There is no way to win the presidency without the Hispanic vote without the black vote without minorities Right a lot of white people though. I and yeah, but it but you can't win

You cannot win with out their vote. Is that it's a fact. It's a fact now, right? And that's the Republicans demographics Say something right now everything that we've said in the last five minutes about politics George has been shit No, like we're all wrong. You think that somebody can get nominated without them any minority vote No, Trump. I think he's ten steps ahead of everybody He's a master persuader a master hypnotist He knows that people vote based on emotion not on facts. Yeah, just strikes straight to the emotion, right? Americans are angry. Yeah, but he can't he can't step back from the things he said about

You know, Mexico about Muslims coming into this country about all those things been said already right because they're recorded said if they're factual things So it's like you you already I mean at his rally is black people are getting punched in the face You know, I mean, it's like that's not cool, dude But also we're like it's really hard for me to tell and again I'm like really dumb when it comes to politics, but like I let me just disclaimer But like I feel also like we're in this bubble of Los Angeles Like look America is so much fucking bigger than us. Yeah, so for you to say that Trump can't win is actually pretty ignorant Cuz he could it's not because I know yeah, absolutely when the Republican

No, that's what he's he has all the delegates, right? He even if he doesn't get that magic number of 1200 or whatever it might be He's still gonna get most of the delegates and when they go to Cleveland when on the convention is right Um, they're what they're what the Republicans are gonna like, you know, I mean, you know, I mean revolt, right? Because that's gonna disenfranchise his followers. It'll ruin their fucking You know, I mean, but you had a thing that the GOP would try to derail him They're not good. They're not gonna try to do that. Yeah, I think that once he gets that magic number They're gonna all stand behind them

He's gonna be the nominee and I think he represents only 10% less than 10% of the American population I don't know. I think that you're yeah, I'm getting nervous like my my Yes, he's not gonna beat Hillary or Bernie What do you guys think of this and this is really gonna reveal how dumb I am but like So this theory that he's been hired by the Clintons. Yeah, he's a Democratic sleeper cell Yeah, what do you guys think? How's the cards? I think that's ridiculous because she didn't She didn't need the help in the first place he supported her and he supported the Clinton Yeah in the past and I understand that they have records of phone call being made

Hey, also, you can't whisper on a podcast I think that's I think that's ludicrous. I think that I think it's ludicrous, too I mean the whole thing is ludicrous really the fact that he's he exists right now is ludicrous. Yeah, but I Think it would be brilliant. Yeah, but I just I mean, I'm obviously a Democrat and I registered you You know, it's it's just fun to watch the Republican Party struggle in this way because there's like a definite civil war happening and It's just fun to watch, but I don't think it's good for the country. Are you guys waiting for Hillary for me. I was gonna vote for Bernie, but I'm still like

She gets the nomination. Yeah, you mean you're definitely either way because I'm a dual citizen So I have an American passport and I have a Filipino passport. I think if Trump becomes president, I go back to the Philippines I'm still fucked. Yeah, there's no there's no escape for me unless you know, there's a way to Mars Any question you're welcome Tiger Belly audience, you know, you wanted politics we brought it to you Exactly what Tiger Belly fans want is politics, right? I'm hopeful advice with Bobby Kalilah I'll suck a k8 sucky sucky sucky. Oh my god about that. It's soupy. This question comes from Ray Ray Hey guys, I've been homeless

Hey guys, I've been homeless in Miami for about five months now. I am only 26 and I have no idea what to do with my life I know I want to write and illustrate graphic novels But doing what I why living on the streets has proved nearly impossible I don't have any crazy addictions or drug issues. Although I do love marijuana I'm at the lowest I've ever been but I don't have kids or responsibilities and even with a little bit of money I do have I make as a dishwasher. I can drop it all and move somewhere else move someplace else I've been thinking of heading west to LA since I've never been but would I be trading one place of problems for another? What do you guys think?

Don't be homeless. Well, I mean it doesn't have a choice sometime where you don't know his circumstances It's that human suffering That makes great art True, you know, how much longer should he stay beautiful thing to say should how long how much longer should he stay homeless? And should he suffer in LA or Miami? That's the question. I know, but I think this is Miami. Yeah, stay in Miami The skid row here is rough wait over LA For a homeless person. I I think so. Yeah, I mean Florida has like people that's crazy if you were a homeless person, where would you I think about this all fucking

time Okay, really all the time. I'm like at all at all times. I'm prepared to get homeless so So I okay, so I have I have my savings account obviously and then I have like another savings account with a lot less money But don't you hate talking about money? I hate talking about money, but I just have to say this So if I ever am down to just that savings account, I'm gonna buy an RV Like a Winnebago. Yeah, that's gonna be my home. Yeah, but I'll buy like a used shitty one. You know, I mean so and then um, I

Don't know obviously someplace warm. It's always changing I thought Hawaii would be the perfect place to be homeless Yeah, cuz I mean a lot of you know, those beach people are kind of like living that kind of lifestyle anyway Not saying they're homeless Chris Pratt did it. It's a lump. I yeah, like I think it's just a more relaxed Tamiya Atsuki, you know that is no Tamiya Atsuki was Sam Kinnison's girlfriend. She's Asian Comedian she was on a sitcom. I forgot what I was called, but she went crazy and She went to Hawaii. She lived in the jungle and she built a house in the jungle No, I know but I'm just saying though like if you were gonna do that. That's where you do it

Because there's parrots in the in waterfalls. Yeah, I think I think is I think the most important factor in Homelessness is weather. Yeah. Oh, really like homeless people in New York. Not that, you know I mean, I understand like they're mentally unhealthy and blah blah blah. Yeah, but I mean, it's the worst fucking place Chicago, but they're all so yeah, Chicago would just be game over for me Just kill me. But also, you know, if there was a plague to ever hit California or you know a big city like New York Only the homeless would survive those people's immune systems are so strong. They're so primed for different weather pattern changes They're just they're so exposed to the elements on a daily basis. They don't live cushy lives So they're the only ones they're like they're like the cockroaches of humanity. They'll never die true

They already have all the survival. Yeah, they know how to survive. Yeah on so little So, um, but so what's the answer for this guy? What was the question? Miami or LA? I mean, I think stay in Miami, but don't feel bad about the hardships You're going through because that's gonna make you strong and that's gonna You know, I mean motivate you to create the masterpiece that's gonna get you out of it And definitely stop listening to our podcast because we don't It's free. Well, then sell your iPhone No, but I is that really is that true with what they get the world? I

Think so, I mean aside from food and water. That's a survival gadget. A phone is for survival Yeah, you can call for rides. You can call clinics. You can go maps. Yeah, Google Maps You can geocache. Yeah, you know, I think pick up free t-shirts along the way When I was on mad TV, I had homeless people go. Hey, man. I love you. I'm mad TV. It's like Well, you know like mole people Like they had TVs and stuff yeah, and there's over here the tunnels in Echo Park led to an under Underworld a city whoa, and we went down into the tunnel They could take you went down they put concrete over it now

But they're in the 90s when I first moved here me my friend Laban and my brother and a bunch of us when we took Flashlights and survival kits and we try to go down as far as we could and I'm telling you right It gets pitch black and it gets fucking scary You saw a lot of people down there. No, you can't you don't even get that far You go about 500 feet and then you're like I need to get out of here Yeah, could you start hearing things? You know me? I think that we should do a challenge I've always wanted to do a show where we all like put ourselves in like uncomfortable situations And the three of us or the four of us we should live like as see who last longest living homeless for like

For like five days and see who actually thrives the best. I'll tell you something. I would hate that but I'd win Because I I literally sucked dick for money. Oh, that's true already. Oh I have I don't think you would suck any dick though. Oh, we're not allowed. That's the rule. You can't you can't you can't no She's not you're sucking. You know me and like tested You know nice dick. Yeah for money. Nice. Yeah, but I mean come on. I'm halfway there No, the dicks that are out there I don't think you would so if we were tomorrow jump for me to

To suck some strange untested cock a dirty cock is much smaller than the jump you'd have to make Yeah, no Maybe your techniques not as good as they used to be maybe you're all teeth these days Well, that was a really good podcast we've learned so much about ethnicities and And yeah, I laughed like a little girl and it was very fun to do. I'm really tired So I'm we have no we have to announce the winner of that one contest real quick. Can you do it? Yeah, so the guys remember we had a contest like we forgot about we didn't let us stay for this So we have to guys draw a picture or just do look we had a lot of contest

We're contesting it to one contest and one guy one It's the guy who put the picture up at Parks barbecue So we had a contest to do whatever you wanted to do with that song our okay So one guy made a little 15-second clip of himself Printing a photograph of Bobby and I and then putting it in the parks barbecue wall cuz Bobby had been complaining that he wasn't in the Asian Wall of Fame. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, some so some guy, you know, this vigilante took it upon himself Compliment pig. Yeah, his name is compliment pig and he he framed it and he put it on the Asian Wall of Fame at Parks barbecue Is it up there now about it and they kept it up there?

They actually moved it and they put it with all the other celebrities. Yeah, so first it was just crooked on a wall Yeah, cuz I talked I also talked to the owner. I saw her and I told her about it. She's like, it's so cute It's so funny. Come in. So you know the owner. No, he knew I couldn't you just hook him up with a photo I know man. What the oh, cuz this would be no, I just met the owner. Oh Yeah, so what do we do? Oh, that's really sweet. Oh, well, we have one more question But Bobby's not gonna have to answer this one. So for also and you we've kind of talked before on the show Jason wants to know if it was a zombie apocalypse. What three weapons would you have an iPhone? Yeah, I found one okay an iPhone. No, no, because we weapons

But then you would need a charger. Yeah, I need like too many things. Let's go back and forth your first weapon of choice And these are the kind of wait zombies that are like assuming Food and water are provided. Yeah. Yeah, this is weapon. No weapon. Okay. Okay. I know But food water and shelter are provided. Yes, because if food's provided and I would not, you know, have like hunting Austin is food and water scarce Very scarce. Oh that changes everything does change it because now you need to hunt but keep in mind It's just still people is like but just for my survival from like zombies God, I don't even watch the Walking Dead that much. I'm not gonna use a bow and arrow like what's his name Darryl?

No, not like Darryl. Oh God probably First weapon. A gun obviously. Okay, a gun. Yeah and then I Don't know how to sword fight Yeah, no like realistically. So probably a small knife I would just have to like stay inside and ask someone to go back. I thought Austin would be like, I'm just gonna suck dick for money I literally would. I mean, I do know. You don't have to suck my dick cause it's a zombie apocalypse

I don't know how money helps you. I'll do it. Offer your second zombie dick. No, but I mean like I I'm I'm completely I'd be useless. I don't think I could even shoot a zombie. I Just hold my breath till I died You're given three weapons and you're just gonna hold your breath. I think I'm just gonna hold my breath like I'm underwater and just die I'm gonna drown myself. I'm alive. I could be alive for longer. Fuck it I'll kill myself. But I mean honestly if a zombie apocalypse happened like

What's your best case scenario you kill all the zombies? That's not gonna happen to survive That's not going. Yeah, but if you survive like what a world that would be you'd constantly live in fear constantly and you know I mean, there might be a surplus of food, but who's there's nobody to distribute it There's nobody to harvest the crops and it would only be the kind of food that lasts forever like Twinkies Or like working beans. Yeah. Yeah, exactly, which is actually delicious. Very very delicious There you go. That question is kind of answered. We were just gonna kill ourselves A pillow any rapid-fire and maybe a space heater Do you have any questions for us any rapid-fire? I did think about these questions, but I don't think they really matter

Bobby had to be here, but one of them was I thought about this because we're talking about teeth last week Would you rather have I love these Kirsten dunce baby teeth like dolphin teeth, okay, or really really big like Kind of Hillary Duff like super big teeth, but bigger than Hillary Duff. Can I see your teeth now if you smile your teeth? Is the option for like dental surgery you have Scenarios you always have all these fucking like The thing is like if dental surgery is an option I'm pretty sure I'd rather go for the baby teeth because I think it's it would be easier to just get veneers

No, because you could just remove all the big teeth, too, or you just shave down the big teeth. That's true. You can shave it down Okay, next question. Would you rather have? Brandy eyes so like I know too far apart or I know what you mean Talk about like Brandy the singer So catfish catfish fish eyes or would you have your eyes too close together too close together a hundred percent? I really Your face is pretty symmetrical No, you would be cross-eyed

Because I feel like my eyes are too close together already and sometimes they do cross on occasion like depending like even after one beer They start yeah, Kala has one. She has one rogue eyes Yeah, cuter than the eyes there chameleon chameleon horse horse eyes goldfish eyes Or any animal All right Gilbert, what else we got that's all we have guys wait which teeth would you prefer if you can't have the surgery? Oh, definitely giant. Oh if without yeah without I'm really afraid of like big gums It's like I think that just I

Mean if you have it, you know, I'm not saying I'm just saying I would never want to be born Really big I'll tell you I'd rather die I'll tell you why because when I had braces way way too young that's the reason I have gaps So I had gaps initially and I had braces at the age of nine or ten and I think that's too young to have braces So when they were removed My teeth started to separate again because my jaw wasn't done growing. Uh-huh. So I had to wear retainers But something happened when I was wearing retainers or they weren't fitted right for me and I moved to America So I couldn't go to orthodontist in the Philippines. So my gum started to overgrow

Uh-huh. So for a while there I did have huge gums and little baby teeth. So it's personal Yeah, so it's personal for me I and I remember just never smiling because I just thought it was the most like horrid-looking thing ever and then I actually had To get like most of my gums like cut out So it's personal. So yeah, big teeth. I think I'm just gonna grind it on some stone If I can't get surgery on it, you know, just take this the brillo pad to it. Yeah, it's definitely more DIY But with the eyes you're just set with those Yeah, the eyes, there's nothing to merge them together to the to the front. You guys didn't have a private convo

Okay, this is this is for the world right now. You guys are having a private convo Kala, what kind of shows does Bobby have that we need to promote? What kind of shows? Oh, yeah It's the same What's Bobby doing? April 7 8th and 9 Bobby will be doing the comedy party with Harlan Williams, Tom Green's and Polly Tom Green's Tom Green's Tom Green and Polly Shore Hey, man Polly Shore bro, and then after that his comedy is really funny I saw him do stand up once and it was really funny how long ago. It's not that long ago recently it flappers

It was actually at the comedy store. Oh, okay Yeah, yeah, yeah, and after that he is going to be doing shows in Texas, Fort Worth Dallas and one more city That's April 20 something go to his website Bobby live comm for more dates and anything to plug Asa, I know you just came out with a the cover for your book. Yeah, what's new for you right now? I I'm actually in Houston, Texas this weekend March 24 23 24 25 I think it's this week And

Strip club and then next month. I'm in Denver and then the month after that. I'm in San Diego But you can check like my Twitter and stuff my book comes out in August And actually cool little factoid I'm do my first book signing is gonna be in New York at the Barnes & Noble's where That was my first job as a cashier at that very So it's pretty cool. What is your book signing? It's um, so that one's gonna be August Why because are you guys going to New York? Yeah, but in May Did you just release your book early?

Yeah, all right guys, what else just make sure guys You follow us at all our stuff. I'm so tired right now at at tiger belly on Instagram Our YouTube comm slash tiger belly where you can find our vlogs our new vlog is up right now Also, you can see the full length podcast on there. It comes out on Friday and the audio podcast comes out on Wednesday No, Wednesday. Oh, yeah, we just say when it's Tuesday night or Wednesday morning But it's usually like Tuesday midnight. Yeah, and that's an iTunes stitcher or all things comedy dot com Yeah, that's it. I'm sure you follow also at Ossahole or the other

Three in Ossahole five. Yes. Yeah, those are all hers and follow Clila at calamity K. I miss you follow Bobby Lee at No, I'll be Lee live. No, you're gonna score Kimmel your shit's on private George. You don't even add anybody But thanks for good. Thank you guys for listening and we will see you next week. Thanks, Ossah for thank you for having me At Gilbets you want to see pictures of my butt You're right. Are you wearing a fine white shirt? It looks cute though. I like it. Is it is this too hipster? No, I like it. I feel like there's just Like the only thing worse than a hipster is like a late hipster. It's ironic though. Hey Hey prime members, you can listen to Tiger barely ad free on Amazon music download the Amazon music app today

Or you can listen ad free with Wondry plus in Apple podcast before you go Tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at Wondry comm slash survey