TigerBelly - Episode 37: Erik Griffin and the Oily Poll

Episode Date: April 13, 2016

Bobby is a bonafide diva.   Khalyla's surgery is a borderline disaster.   Erik Griffin lays down the law against the criminal-minded scum of the PC brigade.   We talk soul mates, falsifying tv credits, and the deceit of Yoko Ono.   Recorded April 11, 2016 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly YouTube: TigerBelly Facebook: thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. Na-na-na-na-ni-ni. Bobby Lee. Tiger Balli. We're back. And I'm here with Gilbert, Pinkdick, and my beautiful, beautiful Coloco. With 8 cups.

And she just had her surgery. She got out a couple days ago. And it was a fucking nightmare. Of all fucking nightmares. Tell them what happened, babe. So the surgery itself went absolutely perfect. I, as you guys already know, I have an existing heart condition. And so the concern was that under anesthesia, my heart would pop off.

But it didn't. However, 12 hours after surgery, while I was in a recovery center, my heart then decided it wanted to pop off. And so the paramedics were called. 911 was called. I was transferred to UCLA hospital. And for 10 hours straight, I was having back to back to back to back to back heart rhythms. My heart rate was over 200.

They couldn't get it back down. I was, I was sweating. I couldn't breathe. Basically a nightmare scenario. After that, because I have Kaiser Permanente insurance, they wanted me to transfer to the Kaiser right by my home where I had my cardiologist and my surgeon on deck and who wanted me there. Instead, Kaiser being the fucking HMO asshole that they are. Not everyone. No, this fucking Kaiser.

Kaiser is a fucking asshole. Not everyone in the establishment though. There are some good ones. My cardiologists are good. They send me to Kaiser an hour away from home. They fucking unceremoniously dump me in an ER. Mind you, I had 10 hours of heart episodes. They don't hook me up to a monitor.

No one helps me to the bathroom for an hour. I call my call light for my nurse. I'm screaming for somebody to fucking help me. And nobody fucking helps me. I call my stepdad and say, hey, call the front desk of the ER here because no one has come to my room to help me. I can't breathe. I have to pee. He calls and then finally a nurse, a male nurse comes in and then I say, hey, I need to be helped to the bathroom, but I don't want a male nurse to be touching my vagina.

Can you call any woman to help me with my undergarments? I have blood drains. I have tubes all over my body, all over. And all I ask is that someone can take me three steps to the fucking bathroom to help me with my undergarments. Instead, a female nurse comes in and she's like, I'm going to put a catheter in you. I said, no, no, lady, you are not going to put a catheter in me. All I need is some fucking assistance. She storms off angry.

I hear her and the doctor talking shit about me because at this point I'm crying and frustrated. The doctor comes in and I say, hey, doctor, I have pain meds in my backpack over there. Would you mind if I take those pain meds? The doctor then picks up my backpack, throws it on my fucking surgical site with all my drains, throws it on me and he goes, you do whatever you want. Now this fuck. What's his name, babe? I'm not going to say I can't say his name. This fucking cocksucker.

I swear to fucking God, if I wasn't in Hollywood working that day doing my Hollywood shit, dude. Love on Netflix. He was on set. I was just, I would have fucking killed you, bro. You don't ever do that to my girl. And when I heard about that, I fucking went into a conniption fit. I think everybody did. My sister and my whole family was with me up until that hour that all of this happened because there was like a transfer situation going.

And I just want to fucking say to any medical staff out there, if you're a nurse, if you're a doctor, if you're a fucking CNA, if you're a janitor, look, dude, you took a vow to help people. So make that vow mean something. Yeah. I was there. I literally, helpless, afraid my heart was popping off. Fuck you. You know what?

You weren't there, Bobby. I know. But I want to say. What was the text messages I was sending you? I know. SOS. Help me. I can't breathe.

You're trying to make money. You did call your stepdad though and let him know. Oh, my stepdad fucking ripped into them. I'm going to file a grievance. Let me tell you something right now. I'm going to stick a dynamite in this doctor's butthole lighted on fire. And then when I see the fucking, you know what I mean, the mess I make, I'll stick my dick in that fucking gate. Hey, man.

No, shut the fuck up, man. You do that, baby. I hope you fucking do that. And I'm going to go, what do you think of that? He's dead at that point. That's true. And I have another complaint, major complaint. I got my breasts done by a guy named Dr. Kim from Beverly Hills.

I'm going to say his name. Only because if nothing goes wrong in your surgery, he is a good doctor. He does. He makes great breasts. But if you have so much as a single complaint about your breasts, he has the worst bedside matters. He will not help you through your process. He's the guy who put my initial implants in and guess what the fuck they found on my left

breast? What? Black water. Oh, yeah. My new surgeon said she had never seen anything like that. You know what that is? Korean black magic. You put that in there?

But you put black water in. No, he's Korean, Mr. Kim. Oh. Dr. Kim. And he put an old Pusong spell inside that breast. You know what happened? What? It backfired.

Because what that was supposed to be a smoke, it turned into liquid. You know why? Because I'm a wizard. I'm a Korean wizard. And I'm going to win a war. I'm going to fucking war. So my final. What the fuck were you going?

What? Is Eric here yet? He's going to be here soon. I think he's here now. Let me just say my final statements regarding this. The last five days have been fucking traumatic. You haven't been there for any of it, unfortunately. I was there making money for the family.

You throw money at my tears, which is okay. You know what? Okay, when you say that, it hurts my feelings. Why? Because what if we were poor? It would be more difficult. If we were poor, Papa, we would be divorced because there's no way you know how to show me love.

What? Because you throw money at my tears. And if we were poor, what would you throw at my tears? Love. Okay, anyways. What was that? I love you. I love you, Papa.

Okay, my final word on this. I usually don't like to talk shit about doctors in their establishment, but treat this as a Yelp review, right? We're all allowed to give our Yelp reviews. Dr. David Kim in Beverly Hills, worse bedside manners out of any fucking doctor. Out of five stars. He makes great tits, but if anything goes wrong, zero fucking stars. Boom.

Zero. Fuck him. Fuck the black water you put in my left titty. And fuck Kaiser Harbor City. And you know what? Just fuck Kaiser. I'm medicated right now. Maybe I'm a little angry.

I'm allowed to say this shit, right? From God's words to your ears. I don't know what the saying says, but you know what I mean? When you're our mouth, God's ears, and in vice versa, she's healthy. I'm healthy. I'm alive. She's alive. Yes.

And I just throw money at her tears and I'm a piece of shit. No papa. You know what I mean? And if I didn't, you know what I mean? She wouldn't be here. It's true. Come here. But Eric's here.

Eric's here. Do you want me to go get him? You go get him. We'll go get him. And then let's cut this. I love you. Thank you. We're friends again.

And by the way, the debut of George. Oh hi. Yeah. George is here. George is on camera. We're going to talk about why we didn't air last week. We took off last week. Yes.

We're going to get into why we took last episode down last week. We're going to get into the whole explanation and also why we didn't have a vlog today. So go get Eric and let's start the podcast. All right, guys. I'm going to cut right now. All right. Bye, guys. Be back.

Two. Okay. So finally we have our third guest appearing on Tiger Belly. And you know, we've been really very picky about who we bring onto the show. We had Asa Kira. You know what I mean? The number one, the best. The point.

Born Queen. Born Queen of the World. We had my friend Charlie Finn, white actor. You know what I mean? And then now we have my friend Eric Griffin, who is on the show Workaholics. And he's also on a new show coming out on Showtime called, what's it called? I'm dying up here. I'm dying up here with Jim Carrey's producing it.

And it's about the comedy store in the 70s. It's a period piece. Oh, specifically about comedy stories. And Eric's playing the prior character. What? I don't think they even know. But you're like a combination of a bunch of characters. Probably.

I think I got, I was at the comedy store one night and first of all, let me just say like all these images in the room. Very distracting. Okay. Like this naked picture of you in front of me. Okay. And I try to look away from it. And then it's you and your underwear in live, you know, like.

So anyway. Well, the thing is, is that I'm proud of who I am. Okay. And I like who I am. And I'm going to show you who I am. And there's nothing fucking you can do about it. I mean, obviously I feel trapped. The door is closed.

There's a white guy in front of the door. I can't even get by him. Well, because you're not going to leave until you're done. You're blocked. You're blocked. So go ahead. Tell me. You know, this store when that's like a regular Tuesday or Wednesday night show.

Yeah. And Adam, the manager, I'm about to go on and he says, Hey, Jim Carrey's here. And my first thought was, is he going to bump me? Like, you know what I mean? As a comic, that's your first thought. I was like, you know, then he was like, I'm not sure if he's going to go up. You know, and I was like, well, I don't care. You know what I mean?

Because I was first of all, I was really mad. I was mad at Jim Carrey because I was like, you already have $500 million that you're coming to bump people on a Tuesday night. But anyway, Well, also he doesn't do stand up anymore. What the fuck are you talking about? But you know when people come, you know, I saw, I saw Francis Ford Coppola there once.

I didn't think I think he's going to bump me and it goes before me. What a stupid example right there. Because Francis Ford Coppola doesn't do fucking stand up. Either does Jim Carrey. Yeah. Well, he did. Yeah. Like 20 years ago.

Maybe, well, maybe he's making a comeback. You never know. Well, he's not doing it. So that's delusional. Go ahead. Oh my God. Francis Ford Coppola. You see what he said?

Yeah. What was he like? It was a joke. I'll tell him how we know each other. We know each other. Anyway, so I go up, I do my set, and then the next day I got an audition for the show. You know, Amazing balls.

And then it was like, just steamrolled after that. Are you playing someone similar to yourself? I have no idea, because the guy the writer told me, he said, hey, your character's not flushed out yet. I really, I'd like to believe that because of what they saw that night, they were like, oh, let's use him for this character and then we'll figure it out later. Right. And in the 70s, you think yourself.

I don't know any fat Negroes that do stand up. So what the fuck is Eric playing? Rerun from what's happening. That's true That is true. Were there any fat Asians in the 70s? No, so you were automatically at Nick's There's nothing the only person that I because I was there that night too and Jim saw me perform Yeah, but he doesn't need any dry cleaning or anything like that That is true Thank you, that is true. Thank you and also on top of that. I like about Asians as they combine things too So it'll be like dry cleaning and then like tacos

Donuts laundry and something else but but yeah But the bar staff in the at the comedy store in the 70s were all Asian. They were all Thai guys Asians are everywhere and they're not you know, this is like your bit, you know, that was just a Mitsy Shor's choice of employment was that she just happened to hire all Asians, right? It wasn't like all he loved the shore family have always loved and I don't know why Asian people in fact a bunch of Thai guys raised Pauly You know, yeah, yeah, people know this guy named Kirk Raised him during the 70s and that's why he has this weird thing with me where he said touch me He likes to touch me and stuff and that's why he continues to this day to call you Chinaman. Yeah

He doesn't try to mean all the time and then dice calls me Ching, right? And that's why I want to get into that. What it is is this is is that Eric Eric likes that as a comedian as a comedian, right? You're immersed into this world, you know, I'm from the suburbs of San Diego, right? So I there wasn't like a huge cultural thing that I came from right I came from a place called Pauway And so when I got into comedy and I moved to LA, right? You're you're thrown in you meet Muslims for the first to comics for the first time you meet fat black people like yourself for the first Time, you know, I mean you meet up. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. It's a joke. All right

All right, relax. All right. And so then you surprise no one's ever said anything about you You meet Jews, you know, man. Oh, wow, you said but extra he put on that Jews And so then you they also you see people rip rip you apart racially, right, right? They say what's the little little dick motherfucker, you know coming, you know, and then you then you Asians are the easiest because it's Right and so many years of we had no voice to defend us So so all those years of comedy so, you know, I was destroyed pretty much when I got to LA and then you learn to survive Right, so it's like, you know, you say things to people comics you show people your dick comics your dick You see their dick. Oh, I just want to point out here. That's not a thing

That's just you do. I know you lied to me. I didn't lie to him. I don't oh my god I almost did show him your dick. He said hey, you want to audition for something show me your dick Well today. Well today late. I found out that they're recast. They're doing mad TV again. Oh, wow CW yeah, I read that yeah, cuz David Salisman the executive producer emailed me I would love to have you on I would love to you know Kind of the only thing you can do Kind of our relationship, you know, and I'm like and I'm like I'm not doing it at all You know, you wouldn't you don't think anybody who did mad TV would do this

The only way that I would do it is if key and Peele and Ike Bernholz Said that they were gonna do it and they asked me to do it I would do it then if will sasa goes can you just do a bit with me? I'll probably do that But I'm not gonna host a whole show and especially when no one else is doing it. I can't do it I'd have to jump on board if all my friends were doing it. I understand. You don't know what I'm saying Yeah, you don't be like then you'd be like screech, right now. You're the principal of the school. Yeah That's what they did, you know, he became like I was like this motherfucker's gonna be the mayor in this little universe

Yeah, and that's another thing is is that it took me so long to shake that mad TV represent that Image image, you know, because when I got off a mad casting directors and people would say oh, he was just a sketch He's a sketch guy, but was it that detrimental to be a party at that time? Yeah, now it's kind of cool, but back then it was pretty pretty bad and what's so long ago now It's like nostalgic now. Yeah. Yeah, and it's also like some of the guys have done well for themselves You know, I mean, I mean you look around town and you see those Keanu Posters was their movie and it's great for their brand, but also for Matt TV brand, you know So if you're if you're listening to our podcast and you're a regular on our podcast

You know that we had a yank last week's episode. You know, I mean offline and the reason being is because in the last three week episodes we've been ripping on Asians I've called Filipinos jungle Asians many times. They're yellow monkeys and all that stuff and they trees Shit rivers and in the Philippines. If you've been there, you know, you should you should yeah, they're great My ex-girlfriend was Filipino. There we go Yeah, I remember and one of my best friends in high school was Filipino. Yeah, Eric, you remember, I'm Filipino. I didn't realize you were Filipino. Yeah, she is Her other half we don't even want to discuss. She's just Filipino That don't even say that word

I just why I'm my ex-girlfriend's mother. She hated me. Yeah, because I was well because you're what tall She was short, you know, but she I came to take her out. You know, it was like 730. You know what I mean? And she was it's late already Spot on spot on Are you kidding me? Yeah, yeah, but the most funniest thing ever though I remember calling my friend in high school and he was living with his grandmother at the time So he's on the phone and then his grandma picks up the phone and starts dialing, you know So like we're on the phone and you know, and she's like it's like

And he's yelling And she's calling the Philippines so it's like 25 numbers and then finally, you know, finally she comes on hello, you know It's me junior It's pretty good It was just like it was just so I was cracking up because they were having this full-on conversation How long were you with this Filipino girl? Too long, you know, it's like oh jeez. Yeah, it was too long It wasn't doing your break because you did stand up for a while and then he quit. I didn't even do it for a while

I did it. I only did it anyway, but this was during that time. I regretted a lot Was she a Filipino that grew up here? Was she born there? No, she was born In the Philippines and came here, but she's very smart. She spoke like five languages. You know, it's just What a nightmare She spoke five languages. Yeah It was a nightmare So anyway, sorry anyway, so, you know, we made from the Asians we made from the Mexicans the next episode and then I Said one thing about black people. I said that they were oily

And I don't want to touch them. Okay. Yeah, so right, right. I'm just wondering Right exactly, right. I don't even know what it means. Okay. I don't know what it means I said it. I don't know what it means. All right. It's I mean where does oily even I have no idea I have no idea. That was my question. That's what we said. I mean Egyptians are oily I mean, exactly, but we didn't talk about them, but they're very oily. No, I think Filipinos are extremely oily and all the women have the standard mustache We have I think the highest percentage of women mustaches in all of this is bothering you No, so then this is what happens. Mm-hmm. Then we get a I'm you know, I'm just gonna just kind of say it

You kind of have to I kind of have to say it, right? We get a email from an african-american woman saying that We don't even know that we don't even know who it is. I might we're not gonna say the name But this person says you you're very or I'm very offended at what you said You're a racist and I'm gonna expose you for the person you are unless you send me money. Yeah, wow Extortion, so they expose the person that they are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah And so, you know, I ignored it, right? And then I just thought, you know, maybe we just take it down and see what happens, right? And this person took it further and I'm gonna want to get into the things at this point She's not even addressing or this person. I my guess is that it's not a woman. It's actually that's not her real name

This is a professional scammer. That's my take on it Yeah, but it becomes harassment because I receive five emails in a span of five hours and at that point in A content give me money. Give me money or else. I mean, it's a Nigerian lawyer You don't know it totally could fit on their Twitter It says it says like an actual account number that you can donate to. Oh, wow, it's not So it's a Nigerian lawyer. Yeah, so it's like now I'm you know, I've got a lawyer in my lawyer in New York, you know, I mean and then like it's extortion, right? So like it's illegal. It's illegal. So he's like you want me to contact the FBI, you know, man

So it's gotten down that road, right? I'm like and because should have set up a sting operation, you know, I'll pay you Yeah, I'll pay you come to Tommy's on That's what I wanted and I'd pay and then like, you know, freeze so people get them. Yeah So what do you think Eric? Let me ask you What do you think the repercussions are for Bobby's career if the headlines and in touch magazine said Bobby Lee says black people are Waily and he doesn't want to touch him Well, if it's that's the head

Yeah, it's not gonna be very good. Yeah, I know but the context though It's like you're gonna put everything in context. Of course, but don't put things in I understand that You know me but in our society right now if you talk about women and if you talk about specifically black people Yeah, yeah, it means you hate them You know, that's just how we where we are right, right? We're just at a place where it's like you can't criticize And people for not doing right, you know, whatever it is and then I also don't want to live in a world And I don't want to do comedy and I don't want to do this career Okay, if I have to edit myself every fucking second. How do you as a commision?

I know no wait just I'm gonna stop be thoughtful. I understand that but I know Okay, I know what my character defects are and I have many as you know, but can you list like to first-hand? Oh Yeah, yeah, I'm irresponsible. You know me and I and keep going I believe that I'm above the law that I don't have to pay parking tickets I mean, there's a million things that I do, right? That's you know, I mean weird and I don't like that about myself But the one thing can we just hear about the bedroom? Can we go to the first 10? But the one thing I do know is is that I'm not a racist at all. I've never really been accused of being one You know, I mean and you can only be a racist if you if you can stop people from succeeding in something else

You know, that's you you have some prejudice. We all do. Yeah. Yeah, you know I mean, you don't like people for whatever it is and then this is that this is really been So infuriating for me. I can imagine how is it? How do you live in the confines of the PC brigade being a comedian? Like how does that even how does it come to being in America where you don't even have the freedom of speech because it being Offended means that you could possibly extort someone for money. Like how do you live in those confines as well? I mean that that just this is not a good example. Let's not give this person any more than they even deserve I mean, it's really nothing. It means nothing. Yeah, you know what I mean?

It's just some like lonely idiot, you know, somebody this is a criminal, right? Okay, so they in and him saying black people oily is like not even close to being a criminal Like what this person is so this person. Yeah, fuck themselves. All right, but the thing is You know comedy you just have to do whatever you're gonna do. You just have to like be like, okay, hopefully People understand that's what you have to be thoughtful about what you say, which is like that so that you normally do I mean, you know, but like that's just one of those things you just say something and then like if somebody is like Hey, that offended me. You either could be like, hey, I'm sorry. You got offended or you could be like, hey Well, go fuck yourself. Don't listen to me. You know what I mean? Yeah, there's a thousand podcasts

Just turn the channel, you know, but people want to this is like people have this attitude of like let's say this is 31 flavors And they come in and go, oh, I don't like that flavor and I want that flavor away from all these other flavors And what it really should do is just like, oh, I don't like that flavor. Okay. Well, let me get a different flavor You just don't have to eat it. You don't have to digest it You don't have to just get the fuck out of the way. Like, you know, but people don't want to do that They just want to like no we want to get rid of everything that we don't like then there'll be nothing left Nothing green sherbet like the green sherbet at 31 flavors. Why is that even in with the classics? I like rocky road classic delicious mint chip classic pear losing cream classic butter pecan classic

All that healthy bullshit should not be even near the good stuff. It's even being the store Let's get this move that. Oh, like oh, right, right, right. And also stick with the 31 Stick with the 31 flavors stop adding shit. Yeah, I mean like, you know, I mean like a sort like green squirrel with you know I'm in Willy Wonka Willy Wonka strawberry And the point here is that it is totally okay to have opinions and stuff as long as you don't stop people from yeah, you know Succeeding yeah, that's the that's the difference. So and this person's trying to do this person is being more racist Then then then anything you was said because what they're trying to do is hinder you and and charge you and so it's like So then last night I was at the comedy store a couple minutes ago and the black guy from rush hour that new show the Kirk Fox is on

Oh the reboot. Yeah, so black guy the guy that plays pink Chris talk Chris Tucker I go. Hey, man. I you know, I don't know him at all, but he's standing with Kirk and if he crooks are my friend So we go. Hey, man. Congratulations on the show. I said black people are oily. Does that offend you? You know, and he goes nah, dog But just like that. Yeah, I said it that way. Wow Then I went up to other people, right? You're taking an oily pool. Yeah, I did an oily pool Every black person every black person I did I just walked up to stars. I don't give a fuck what it is, right?

and then um Well, you should do a man you should do a man on the street in conjunction with this podcast And what also infuriates me on top of that all right is is that when I go on the road, right? Jack Knight, Quincy Jones Candace Thompson, Christine little they're all black, right? And I treat them with fucking respect I pay for their flight. Bobby. No one thinks you're a racist. No, I'm just saying I pay for every meal, right? If you're open for Bobby, I don't want to touch them because I don't want to get sickle cell anemia I can't laugh my my chest muscles are expanding

Anyway, you know, I don't want to talk about it anymore. I just wanted to tell people that's the reason why we yanked last week I didn't want to yank it. I said keep that bitch up. Keep on keep the audio up You know his people wanted to air on the safe side. I get it Yeah, and you know just so this person wouldn't have any ammunition, but it's like look Obviously if this person was trying to extort you she already he or she already has that downloaded So it doesn't matter if you keep it back up to to to to take it down would mean to admit some type of error Imagine if somebody's out there listening to podcasts Waiting to hear something inappropriate so they can like contact those people. I bet you just happened to other people

Oh, absolutely. It exists. Yeah, you know, but it's not as if I said it Right in the closed quarters and somebody had a secret, you know, I mean tape recorder. Right, right, right fucking said it You're not Mark Herman I mean What's that lady that lady that lady the um the old southern lady that we got in trouble a cappala Paladine, right? Right. I'm not no. I said it on a podcast that's on itunes That's out in the public in a comedy listing at the comedy list. Okay. Well, okay, all right

You fucking flat face fuck All right, and also I said to you and I was meaning when they said mad tv is you know Rebooting it and I said to you you want to get an audition and you go. Yes, please I said I'd be grateful. Yeah, show me your penis and you said no, I'm not going to go down that road is That too is offensive. It's disrespectful. It's disrespectful Well, it's disrespectful for bobby because at his mad tv audition. He practically did show them this dick. You showed your dick at your audition I didn't she did bobby

I've heard this story a thousand times. What's the story that he got completely almost completely. Oh, yeah In his audition and walked out with his clothes. Oh, yeah Yeah, yeah, I always tells the story that the door opened and all the laughter came pouring out and everybody in the hall that was doing for them Oh, yeah, I had a character. I did a character where he was like, you know, I mean I couldn't do a ching-a-ching. No, I couldn't Whoa, I couldn't ching-a-ching It was ching-a-ching I I did a character where it's like but Mike McDonald kind of had a character like this

But I didn't know because I didn't watch the show But like I would like just be confrontation. I would rip off parts of my clothes You know what I mean? Like getting into people's faces at bars. Yeah, and then by the end of the thing I'm like completely naked. Okay And in my head I did that character because I knew that I was never going to get the show So I might as well just do things that I thought, you know, I mean did you get completely naked? No, I got to my really fucked up underwear where there was holes in it, but I didn't show my deck No, because that's what crosses the line. Yeah. Oh that crosses the line

Yeah Oh, you can't go to a network and then later that I mean, I mean When I first got Matt, I didn't know how see the thing is is since I've never really had a corporate job All my jobs either have been in the food Um industry or like grunt work like manual labor. Those are the two things. I've done in my life. Okay So now that you're in an environment where it's so you may choose at like a Nike factory or no, but like when dick plasucci the executive producer Jack you can still do that. He's still that size That would be great shoes made by bobby lee

You don't even say made in charity. Just as made by bobby lee If you had little clothes that made by bobby lee you'd be like, oh my god, he hasn't been doing well since mad That's a go-to for all asians like You're not doing well. Well, we can make shoes in a Nike factory Oh, yeah, I didn't even know what the fuck I was saying now, man. Oh, yeah, so Jackie Chan was guest-starring Oh, yeah, and I and I go I wrote dick plasucci a letter Because I was new on the show as a feature But they have something called us back then and I said dear dick plasucci

Please I don't need a line. I just want to Be an extra in the sketch. I just want to be able to be around him Mm-hmm, right and then like a month went by and I was watching the show on tv and he had already done it on an off night Right, so they didn't even call me or anything So then I got so angry. I went into his office and I took a dump in this On the floor of his office not crossing the line either But in my head, I thought that was funny, but to them that was like really weird What were the repercussions? I had to clean it and then I had to apologize

That's it. That's it. Yeah, but then like two years later. I took a shit and like bernalds is off Is that just your go-to move? Yeah, what? I didn't that's how I do that's what I do when I'm desperate So if you knew this person extorting you was you'd go to her house and shit. I mean, I'm not doing anything Listen, he's just letting you know right now. Do not break up with him You're gonna wake up with shit on your chest And a little flag note, please come back

I know see here's the thing though, it's it'll work See when you're a comic and I came from that comedy store We are back in the 90s the comedy store was wild It was at the Wild West and I came from this world where like you're wild. You're a crazy dude. I know so Just hear me out. So when I'm in a corporate environment, I think oh, I can still do this And by doing that, I think it hurt me because you know me you think Yeah, I had a reputation of being you don't think he called around like, you know bobby lee's shit in my office You don't think that's a story that executives are still talking about

He's at parties right now. They're like tell the story about what bobby lee's shit in your office That's like one of those stories man. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, baby. Keep that foot away from eric. No, this is my good one Oh, that's a good one. That's a good one. That's a good one. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah Oh my god, it looks menacing, but it's actually is the other one a hoof The other one has how could it be worse than that? Let me just say this if I touch you with my other one, you know me you be in very big trouble physically Oh god bird flu or something like that. Yeah, you'll get bird play and um Sars, but my point is this is that uh, yeah, you're right. So I think that you know my

But I don't do that now. I shot love today showed up early Did my thing and I left You know, I mean you didn't you didn't shit in John Apple's house. No, I would never do that. I mean, you know Here's the thing and then we're saying this right now. I don't know why you whispering It's not like people are listening like what do you think? You literally learn you learn right over the years and I've had so many bad years in show business, right? Where I literally think I thought I was never going to work again. I just it just that natural

progression of not working You know, I mean changed my behavior But now I'm completely on time. You know, I mean, I'm professional. I don't know what nice to everybody I'm nice to everybody. You know, I don't know what compels a human to Deficate than anyone's belongings like I don't what rule what rule book did you actually look at? Where I come from if I if I write you a letter if I write you a letter Or in the nicest way and you deceive me, right? I get revenge What you get revenge? Yeah, what is this a kung fu movie?

Did you train and everything? He's like squatting Then right before we shit you saw the montage of him I mean, there was another thing that I did where yaris was our like sponsor So we would have to do sketches where a yaris was in the in the sketch and we don't say If you're on a date in a sketch you got come in my yaris. Oh god. So you had a yaris So we didn't get any extra money for it. It's all pocketed. So we're doing basically ads Right. So what I did was there was always one yaris that we used for all our sketches

So I told jordan peel and I I go. Hey, I got the keys to the yaris to take a ride And I went down an alleyway and I scraped it against the you mean an alley wall So it's make spark and then I broke the bottom of it like so it was like five thousand dollar damage from the bottom of the car And when I brought it back on the thing, it was like smoking and I throw it through it to like one of the lady, you know What Yeah, I don't understand why you haven't been fired from that. Why you weren't fired I don't understand how I still live with him. Yeah, I don't understand how smells weird That's because he pissed us on the balcony. Well, first of all, we all are wondering why you're

That it really is a thing. I mean what like ike barenhold says like I don't understand a lot of people say I don't understand Why she's with me. Yeah, this is like you're like donald trump Yeah, yeah, yeah, we don't get why people are voting for you We just don't understand what's happening. Yeah. Yeah I don't either and you're the dumb public. It's like we like donald Yeah Actually, that's the perfect way to explain it because I don't even think the dumb public knows exactly what they love about him They can't they can't that's what they hate about everyone else. What the problem is. Yeah, you being with bobby says one

Every guy you've been with before you have horrible taste in men Like they must be Monsters, okay, you must have been with like You know what it is satan and then you're just like, uh, they were finally Somebody with horrible feet. That's all you This is like if bobby's like a blessing man And i'm telling you now He is only because people

Anybody else that i've dated in the past were just so fucking textbook Perfect and boring. It's like you and those girls that were kidnapped for 10 years in The only ones that would They come back from being kidnapped bobby Here's my prince charming I like a little bit of unpredictability in my life and I like good stories to tell And in in my law and i've been in long relationships with very normal people in the past and I just always found myself Bored out of my mind by myself like self entertaining

I I I question that I need to see a dossier of like your previous boyfriends. No, she dated math teacher No, she the last guy she dated before me Was a spanish professional Soccer player he's on from the liga. She's he's on fifa. Have you played with him before? I would never You wanted to be with somebody that wouldn't cheat on you then I exactly or someone because he was cheating on you or probably listen if he's a professional soccer player He was getting a lot of pussy. Okay, you know what that wasn't something that I do you even care

Oh, he lives in spain. Yeah, I mean it's not like we really was getting a lot of pussy Keep reminding him or how much pussy he was gonna a lot of pussy. You understand? I'm not unrealistic I mean I was kind of it was it was a relationship that lasted for a year and a half that was sort of open So sort of not but those guys are very like machismo So they don't want you to hook up with other people and then when I fucking started dating here. They were confused He went crazy. Yeah. Well. Yeah, he goes. Is he the guy from hangover? He couldn't understand. He really sent that message. What? Yeah, he thought he said kalilah You are losing your mind. I think you need to like enter a mental institution because imagine you don't know who I am at all

Yeah, why you're leaving you're in a different country and then you just see a photo Yeah of a small fat Disgusting-looking asian dude. You can there's probably six more things you could say To really but I totally get it. Yeah. Yeah, because he's like a professional athlete. Yeah, you look at the body. Yeah, delicious. You know what I mean? The body's probably like Yeah, he can't believe it and he saw photo of me. This don't look I say something This is the only reason why she did that like at first. She didn't really like you She just wanted to the biggest fuck you to him ever is let me let me find the most disgusting

And then what happened was she was like, yes, you're something right now I really like you You little look at yourself In the fucking mirror You don't even look human. You grew on her. This is great. You look like somebody drew you I mean look at your face. Oh, look how offended he got Look at this. He's the ugliest black dude I've ever seen Anyway, let's move on. I like you. Thanks for doing the podcast. I appreciate it

I'm just saying doing the podcast. But can you just admit to him that that was But you know, it was a fluke Ask her why she's dating me We just did I just answered all those questions questions. We know why she wanted to get back at her Professional boyfriend in the because you grew on her like the mold on your foot Yes, her shallowness was like, you know what she said to herself. You know what? I'm I don't need attractive anymore Yeah, I don't need tall. I don't need anybody that can protect me in an alley I don't need anybody that could get things off the top shelf

You know, I don't need anyone. It knows how to use a toilet properly or has Can I just say I've I had surgery four days ago and not once has he so much is taking care of me for an hour He's a perfect guy. I'm we just say this right now. And that's so first of all, I come home, right? And there's her mom Her sister. I have a good family or ex um guy that she used to see but her best friend. It's my best friend Right, jessica your best friend. Okay, hold on. Let's get back to this best friend You know that ugly you know that ugly-ass Korean girl. You just saw earlier. She wasn't that ugly. Come on Moon face you just saw moon face. All right. She was here. I'm trying to eat her butt. I'm trying to eat her butt

Yeah, she he wants to eat her butt. He wants to desperately eat her butt. Yeah, it's an experiment for them Yeah, he's never and so it's like they're like they're all spending the night which is weird, right Eric So I slept there You slept there. Yeah Also, her whole family is here. Yeah, so I don't you mean if you've dated a filipina, you know, just we come in It's a lot of family and so we were all spread out in the room. They're all taking care of me So, you know how it goes Eric. So he didn't need to yeah, do you get a lot of girls? What are you trying to say?

I'm asking you. You look like a pussy slayer Look, I can't trust anything you say because you're with bobby So any compliments you give me I'm like, oh You get a lot Do you think that my stocks as a woman are down totally down because I've I've dated bobby for three years. No, no, I don't think so I mean, I don't know what you want me to say right now I mean your guy's just home Trap trap trap. There's like, you know, let's suppose this relationship ends and I date the next guy

Who's an attractive guy and I'm really into him and I say, hey, you know, my ex-boyfriend is bobby Do you think that in his mind my stocks just dropping in his mind his stock's gonna drop He's gonna be like, I can't what? Bobby, it's like when you go to us. I'm gonna say this right now. Bobby I'm gonna say this right now. Okay. You literally are the black version of me. All right. Oh not at all Yeah, you don't look like chrispenser. So what funny? That's how angry I am It's angry funny and charming. What? Yeah. Yeah. I bobby. I know what I'm working with. Yeah, you do, right?

And I know what I'm working with and we're the same No, not really. Why we both we both play video games. Like fucking 12 year olds, but I'm tall You can reach things on the higher Yeah, but that can change that But I can I did three years ago. I had a trainer. I know but I can But Always go back. You're always going to be

Why are you so mad? I don't know why I'm so angry right now, but the thing is is that um, you're winning. Look, I know But I also want to say you're winning. There she is. She's sitting next to you. This is how I met Eric Griffin How I like to know him. How long yeah, okay? So, um, I'm at our met our friend You know what I mean? Our good friend are mad Said hey, do you want to play the middle east? With you Eric Griffin and Sebastian Monoscalco And I said, um, you just farted. Yeah, this is this is what I'm saying. Okay

I'm not gonna it's a it's a gas It's a gas and I'm not gonna clutch it in and keep it in my body Well, you keep everything else in that body Your body's like a clutch purse It holds all the necessities So we play the middle east now. I don't know who he is You know, I I mean I had met him once before I did tell him about how I acted during this is so embarrassing Remember that one show where all men had that

No, no, no, no, okay. First time we ever met. Yeah. Yeah, you gotta set this up And I would you want to say this right? I don't know. I almost was I almost killed him was I mad tv at the time But I don't even remember but you were the biggest dick. Okay. So tell him what I said I'll tell him what I did so First of all, he comes to this show. We had this great show out in uh, Newport Beach We were paying we were paying comics in the city a thousand dollars to come do a show He comes and he's a nightmare

From the beginning to the end like just the biggest diva. I've ever fucking met what I do You were just doing all kinds of shit. You were like, you know, it was like Get my car and and um, yeah, yeah He was just like complaining the whole time about the show where these people hate me these people. I don't want to be here This is ridiculous. How dare you he was like, how dare I met a man Book me in this shitty. He was going on and on about the show Just the biggest worst diva ever, you know, I had to call a man like a man You need to come down here because I'm about to kill Bobby Lee. He did not like me

No, I just it was the worst, but I didn't know who he was, you know And I didn't after seeing you. I was like, I didn't get it. I thought he was the guy from digital alone You actually thought yeah, this ugly guy, you know, you see still better You see wearing the glasses and you know the june glasses in the nose that they have I thought he was wearing one of those things You know, that's a little thing that they do at the thing. So what were you guys conversations? You guys even talk? No, he was like, come on man. Don't act like that. I'm like, fuck you man. I was a fucking I was a fucking crazy Yeah, he was crazy. I was fucking crazy. Were you sober? Yeah, I was sober. Yeah. Whoa. God, you just have diva tendencies. He still has diva tendencies. Oh god, don't even get me started

What? You don't you don't want to hate about you to this day. Yeah, it's like you don't communicate properly No, he never like I have to text you a thousand fucking times for you to get back to me. You never answer your phone Your fucking voicemail is always full. You know, how how does your do you have another phone? Do you know how people get in contact? How they have to call you? Yes, the manager needs to have to call you Hey, can you tell Bobby that's ridiculous Alan Bilber are having him are having him on a podcast on Wednesday. They didn't contact him. They contacted me Anything that and he had any time he has to be anywhere. It's through me

Because he will not reply. Let me ask you a question. Mm-hmm. Have you ever heard of Ronan? Look at me right now right now. I'm asking you a question. Have you ever heard? You are not Ronan Okay Have you heard of Ronan? You do Ronan's dry cleaning at best. You know what a Ronan is right? A masterless samurai All right, so what I am is I'm wandering through these dirt listening in japan I have a sword and I'm scratching my back and I'm walking through these dirt like pathways And I'm just a wandering samurai just longing for a home Okay, and that's what I am

You have friends. Okay want to Be in your life And you are like and you are my life, but it frustrates me when you ask don't call back I hate that that's fine because the things that you want. I know what you want. No, you don't. Yeah, you do No, you don't get back on destiny. There's a new dlc coming out I will defend him because I see your messages pop up. Oh, I'm playing fallout, right? And you get this Right, I do it. Yeah, because I'm at home going like you're gonna answer He repeatedly does it a thousand times until I answer, right?

So I know what you that's all right, so we're in the middle east go on. Okay So then we I did that right and then so I go to the middle east and I with sabastian Who's a dear friend and I literally just we I saw eric griffin perform very for the very first time I'm on stage and I literally Watched him and I said this is years ago like a decade ago, right? That's not that long ago. It's like five or six years ago No, it's far longer. It's not because I started in 2003 All right, so five six years ago and I saw him for the first time and I said This guy is really legitimately funny. Well, and he doesn't look like some just shut the fuck up

You left something out of the story though I know we're gonna get to that but you shut the fuck up All right, and I literally because he doesn't look like that. He is gonna be that funny when you see him You know man, what are you talking about? This is how comedy supposed to look now Because now I can put that ugly face into your comedy and I'm like, okay now I get how the packaging works, right? But at the time I'm like that packaging is so awful. It's like shit It's like a it's like a fucking elephant shit and then they put glasses on it and they put it out You know, I mean, so it's like but now I'm like this is all because he's so mad how how I blasted him

So I look at Sebastian. I said this guy's fucking and then we legitimately became friends. We went to Bahrain Abu Dhabi, we went to Beirut. Well, there's more to the story. Okay, Bobby had bombs so bad He thought it was the crowd, you know, he's like well, these people just don't get comedy. Yeah. Yeah, and then I was awful. This is what you really said to me. He didn't tell the story It comes up to me said when I saw you on stage and what you did a single tear came down my face We had a good time. Bobby like bought an xbox and we started playing FIFA and that was what we did We played FIFA every day and then on the ride home. This is what Eric did and this is the nicest thing Anyone can ever do. We're just gonna gloss over the hookers, but go ahead. Yeah

Yeah, I talked about Johnny. Yeah, so that's the one Johnny happened. Oh, yeah, who's Johnny? Eric was there too. Yeah, yeah How great would a super disco? Yeah. Yeah, you didn't go though. You didn't go no I went to the someone else place. I just didn't go to that thing. You didn't go with that with me and uh Those guys Camila's his name. Yeah, I love him gangster. Yeah, I love him Oh, that guy's had it Uzi's we when I went again. Yeah, we had just like left and then the then they raided his place Like the next day. Oh, wow. Can you imagine? I mean you walk into a white beautiful mansion and then there's like Uzi's and like Yeah, it's crazy. Yeah, but um, so what eric griffin did for me was um, I'm at lie to me

And he said that we're gonna have business class Flying back. Uh, uh, let me step in by the way. You want to talk about a diva? He was Let me tell you something about I gotta say something about you you you would I have a videotapes of you being Like Bobby is funny on stage. Okay. He really is Bobby's really funny on stage He's like a big energy But like if you let him be in his element offstage And like just how you are about things is there's nothing funnier than that You know, it just like you are just

My god, just the way you are about their flights about everything I can co-sign with I can do everything Oh god, remember the bus I have all I have it all on tape. Yeah, Bobby. Just looking at the camera. Do you smell that? What did it smell like? No, it just it just and then and then he would do like let's say you're some Arab guy He would be like, do you smell that and then look over at you That clock. Oh, yeah. Yeah, this guy he does this all the time. So it was like so then He was I agree with you though. A lot of shit was promised. We were supposed to be in first class And it just didn't happen a lot. So on so on the flight home and how long is that flight 16 hours 17 17 hours Okay, we get to the airport and I get coach

Middle seed 17 hours and I have panic attacks. So I there's just no way I was like, I guess I'm gonna live here in Uh, Beirut. Yeah, man, but there's another little part to the story. Let me have to step in that you forget This is the part you forget Bobby decides to pay the three thousand dollars to upgrade himself to a first class Of course he does. He does it still. So he pays the money and he walks to first class like this. See you bitches Then the credit card was denied So he had to come back. Oh, yeah

He had to come back with his tail between his legs after he already was like, you know, he had that moment of life Bobby Lee victory He did the dismount into Yeah, yeah, I remember that and then I came back you came back and I was having a panic He was crushed and Eric Griffin goes. Listen, man, I have an aisle. You can have my I'll I'll sit in the middle Wow See 17 hours as soon as he said I'm about to get emotional as soon as he said that that's it Best friends forever. Not just he is

a life guy, you know, I mean and by the way Even after him being a complete dickhead, but I saw that this was gonna be a thing for him and I was like Still is a thing because um, uh, uh, it's cool. But a few months ago. Um, his travel agent made the mistake And he got the same seat a center, um, a middle seat and he basically said I'm going to cancel the whole gig Yeah, I'm with you on that I'm gonna cancel the whole fucking gig and I'm gonna get off the fucking plane right now through an absolute shit fit I'm gonna tell you why though, baby. Okay. It's okay. You have to be a panic. No, it's not that. No, it's not that

It's okay. It's the principle of yeah. Yeah, I'm going. Okay. I have certain things I don't fly first class when I do gigs. Okay. I fly regular regular Okay, but you're only like three foot so regular is like yeah exactly your apartment for you exactly and also it's like I know where I'm at in life, right? And it would be ridiculous for me to get first class everywhere. Okay I could probably afford it, but it's just ridiculous, right? But I do demand a window seat and that's it And my fucking people will give me middle You know, I mean an airline that I've never heard of east north or something like, you know, I mean

West West jet And I I just through the line I go if I'm in a middle seat and you fuck up I'm not gonna get on the flight That's it. Yeah, all right. I've been in this business for 20 fucking years And it's not like I go to B rooms. I'm going to A rooms and I'm selling tickets You know what I mean? Like I'm selling out rooms. So it's like get me a window That's it Go ahead I'm with you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah

You should go as far as to say you only want to fly a certain airline. No, I do that too I don't do southwest no more west jet. Yeah, I had to tell my guy like it was like this is what they like to do They'll get you a gig and then they'll be like, um, You know, like like let's say they get a gig that's a month out and they're like, oh, we have to get the airfare I'm like, well, this is not enough money for the airfare. Well, then they go on the thing. Oh, well, we found something on Yeah, yeah, I fly united Yeah, yeah, yeah, because I have status on united. I'm gonna get upgrades. I could take three luggage on the plane I can you know what I'm saying? I could not stand in lines. That shit is important

Yeah, especially if you guys are on the road that often my comfort is important, but they don't give a fuck They don't understand. They don't care. Yeah Yeah, or like I want a long ass email about do you fight tsa the way he does Well, I have don't you get tsa pre I don't have that. Oh, you get that's because you have to fight the same airline. Okay. I'm gonna do that Just go to like no, you need to get the global. Yeah, all right here told me how to treat tsa He fights them every time and I fight them every time and I just this associate when we're in the airport I go into a completely separate line because I don't even want to pretend like I'll tell you why here we go

You're not a police officer. Yeah, don't get me started. Don't okay, and I'm gonna say this. All right this question You're like after after they see your ticket and your id You'll be like putting your stuff on that little, you know, I mean belt thing, right? And they'll go some say some stranger will go. Where are you going, sir? And I don't answer them Isn't there no your fucking business. I know you already saw my shit. Yeah I'm not answering you all the shit. I had to go through to get to this point. Yeah Like I'm not doing it. You know, I don't I hate him. I I was at uh, Chicago and like so the the for some reason the line was a little messed up

So they had and the latest lady was yelling at us, you know, she was like, you know, yeah just going on and on and I was like, um This is a customer service business Okay, like what and then there was luckily there was this white guy there in a suit and he was like I need to see this chick's manager. So the manager comes over and her name was cookie, of course Like the show And she was just acting up and and I said to the guy I said, let's not act like this is the first time you've got a complaint about her attitude

Okay, and they you know, he was just like trying not to be like it's like come on like like Learn some custom manners, you know, like I feel like that's not a government assigned job. Okay You actually filled out an application and was like, I want to do this job. It's like do what it's like They have one application for the post office dmv Parking enforcement and tsa and then they just assigned them because they all had the same Ridiculous another thing though. It's not really their fault, right?

It's like they probably are told all these things about rules and you know me how to look for You know, I mean isis, you know, I mean and all these things a million people go through the airport How many times do you think they'd stop a terrorist? What how many times do you think they stop a terrorist at lax? Because that shit will be on the news. We found a terrorist. No never has happened out of 10 million people There's probably one person that this is also that's not the route. They're gonna take the next time Because when they did 9 11 was such a fucking shock because no one had ever really done that before To steal our planes and use our planes against us, which I've said this before

Was a fucking genius Yeah idea, but not wrong and evil but not in the worst thing ever but not in the long run It's not like like if you're ices, let me tell you if ices this would be the stupidest thing ever If ices did get a bomb and blew up some city or anything like that All they would do is poke the bear and then it would be The only reason why we don't go over there and just ransack the place as it is is because we police ourselves You know, we got the we got people going. No, we don't want any kids to die We don't want any families to die

We don't want any soldiers to die if they killed hundreds of thousands of people all that would mean It would just be this should be over like this because we would be like it would be like Hiroshima Nagasaki Yeah, we don't fuck around. We don't fuck around when it comes to Oh, no, we didn't we what we did after 9 11 wasn't enough Let's just I'm just saying what we did after 9 11 the response had made no absolute sense We took up any police ourselves And I'll say what you and I'm not getting what you're saying So what you're saying right now is is that if there was even a bigger like they killed 100,000 people

Then what you're saying that our response would be devastating to them. Yes I don't think so because we would have the we would have the okay because even that response But here's the thing though. We had the okay to go into Afghanistan to find Osama bin Laden, right? Because that's what happened he Was in charge of 9 11, right Instead we went into a country Right, and then we we took out Sudam Hussein who had nothing to do with 9 11 So what I'm saying is is that regardless of what they do to us our response

Is probably going to be we created they're not going to make any fucking sense. Look what this is this is About about Homeland Security. I'm more conservative than I am liberal Because I liken it to like if we're playing basketball on the yard and getting serious Yeah, there's always a guy that's like man. Fuck y'all. I'm gonna go to my trunk You know and back in the hood that just means this guy's got a gun in his trunk, right? Okay, now the difference between a liberal and a conservative the liberal is going to let him get to the trunk And kill three people and then do something about it The conservative is going to be like, uh, you're not getting to the trunk. We're going to beat your ass right here

Now check this out. There may not be a gun in the trunk, right? But the action was taken Yeah, that's the difference between the two. No, so that conservative the conservative Would go to somebody that had nothing to do with the situation and beat the shit out of them He's what you're saying. That's what we did. So now I'm the same was the gun The reason why he had weapons. The reason why we have ISIS in the first place is because we destabilized that region There was a civil war. We needed it destabilized Really to create ISIS That's just a byproduct of yeah, and the worst byproduct that we could imagine. Look lobby. Yeah

We've been over to that place. Yeah, we've been over to these places. We have they don't know how to treat their own people They're fucking it's fucking ridiculous. Like Egypt should be fucking bulldozed. Okay. Like it's like they don't follow traffic laws Yeah, they don't follow traffic laws. Yeah. Goats get out of fucking buses in the middle of a freeway. Yeah Careful Eric. You might get extorted By some Egyptian like some of these places that all the oil money is going to like one family They're not they're not helping their own people. Yeah, like that shit is the thing that creates all the stuff Money is being funded. They fund right these terrorist activities on the side. My point is is that everyone's in Just our fault. Just listen everyone's in cahoots, right? And I believe right that

If we were attacked our response wouldn't be Not my point. I'm trying to make to you is this but just what it convinced me No, no, if we were attacked there would be no We would it would galvanize everybody like it did after 9 11 I don't remember what what we did was we did something that had nothing to do It doesn't matter the fucking action. It doesn't matter But that was still the mandate was given go do something what you're saying is what they did wasn't proper Okay, I'm telling you though. All right. So before that. All right. So the country was like so go do something

So if ices attacks us, right? We will do something and we'll attack china because it's right now It's probably need to because china. No, you know what you need to get china because china and north korea You're still not You're still missing the point. I'm not missing any point. What I'm saying is this I'm telling you something bad happens The whole country's gonna be like, all right. We're okay with you doing whatever like I mean, look at what happened in like in fucking the last drop of bomb on iran if they do Belgium Did they catch everyone from Belgium yet? I think they did the brothers. Yeah Yeah, but we're paris like all these things

When they catch when shit like that happens those people always end up dead The first time I've ever seen that somebody not end up dead is that guy from the boston marathon? Oh, yeah Usually the cops and the government. I call. You know what I call them. They don't fuck around with you. Goodbye They just don't fuck around with things like that. I know he's evil And this is what this is what bullshit right because remember rolling stone put him on the cover of the fucking magazine Women write him and and you know, he has women followers and how dare you make him look like a rock star How dare you make him look like a rock star? Sex with Jeffrey. I'm going to say this. He's a fucking evil little fuck and he deserves to die. He's cute

Sarnayev and that's a fact Which one though? That's a fact. Georgie. Do you think he's cute? You're talking about the younger one sarnayev That's a lie. But that's not supporting him to saying that. Yeah, I'm not saying anything I'm just that's how people are going to misconstrue that if he wasn't a terrorist that suck his dick Bobby thinks the guy's cute. You know, he's okay with terrorism. That's what that's how people do it Yeah, yeah, usually those people end up dead, you know, when you hear about a shooter or something Yeah, the next day. It's like what in the guy the shooter dies in a every time. Yeah Collin bine am I gonna get trouble for saying that just now? That's our naiv is cute. No, he has a

No, that was suck his dick if he wasn't a terrorist This happens all the time My point is is now see what How many dicks do you think Bobby has sucked in his lifetime on purpose? No, no Yes, of course on purpose Oh, he doesn't know. No, he doesn't know anything about that kind of stuff Everyone knows that I do things I used to do things like that. Yeah, so don't bring it up Let me just say the picture the picture

Oh, there's a picture the picture that you painted about your friendship of this long decade long friendship and seeing hookers together I would assume that you would divulge that type of information to someone like him No, because I don't help like him. He's some certain people like Sebastian. I can't look at Sebastian Yeah, I'm closer with Sebastian too. I went to his fucking wedding, right? But I can't look at Sebastian Monosanco because I know how he is. He paints his nails Yeah, yeah, yeah, but he's cleanly. He's like a real cosmopolitan guy. Yeah, well, that's a weird example though I mean, we can't have regular friends. You and I can't have regular friends. Yeah. Yeah, we just can't But I can't look at Sebastian and go. Hey, I used to suck. I used to suck a couple of dicks in my life a couple

When he was younger, it was young girl. I was a kid But a couple The first time is like, okay, you're experimenting. You're a Boy Scout camp. I get it. But the second one All with white boys I get a deletion guy and girl. They're the same from behind Let me say as a kid you've never you were never you were never molested What a question you have I'm asking you a question. Have you ever been molested? I've had issues in my life. You've been molested

What? I'm not gonna talk about my molestation Yeah, what a thing to ask someone. What? I'm with this lady. Yeah, I'm gonna tell you right now. I was molested Bobby, yeah you Do you look at your instagram of this podcast? It is like a disturbing tale Of debauchery. Yeah. Yeah So, so I'm just I'm just a guest

To this debauchery. Okay. I was so glad you're here Eric, we're so happy you're here. And as a friend, I want to say I am so sorry that you were molested I really am. You're a good guy And you're you have a good soul. I'm sorry that some man touched you in that way You know appropriately. You don't know if it was a man or not Oh And you also used to be a school teacher between so when you just luck out people don't know this but Eric was a school teacher. You were what grade?

He was a sub at like an elementary school I don't know. Not really. What? Subs. I were like my favorite. What were you? You weren't sort of a fucking school teacher And you were what? What were you then? Well, we're not gonna go into my sordid past But anyway, he started comedy but people don't know and he quit because he was I just quit. I just didn't because of the open mic scene. It's it's it's brutal and brutal Especially at that time. Oh my god. It was the worst people don't realize how bad it was I didn't even know how in the 90s late 90s, right? And then I didn't have like the the mental constitution to like

I remember being at this club called mix nuts Oh, yeah, I remember you. Yeah. Yeah common And j anthony brown was the host So I'm just young comic I got on this show and like he's on stage killing like that kind of black comic killing That's like you're like, oh shit. Okay, and then he doesn't know who's next He looks out at the comics who next, you know Yeah, and then like literally I was standing in the front and I felt like everybody took one step back And it was just me by myself. So I go up. I do like one minute and he's giving me the light

I'm talking about like vigorously giving me the light So I say on stage man, I got a lot already But I was sucking a bag of dicks, right? Um, and then when I get off stage, he proceeds to do like 20 minutes about how bad I was Whoa, I even remember one of the jokes. He was like he goes Uh, you got the light already. Shit people trying to set their girlfriend on fire to get you off stage Oh, and you're probably in the back crying or like I was in the back like how this is like

I was like 20 something years old. I was like, fuck. Is this how it is? Can I, can I tell you the worst thing that happened to me? And that didn't hurt me. Did you? I didn't get back on stage for like nine months. Did you grow up here in LA? Yeah, I was born in LA. So every all your open mics were here in LA then. Yeah, it was all weird experiences having to go pay Remember that place way out in like off of Ventura. What was the name of that club? It was like a cabaret It was something called. Yeah. Yeah, I forgot what I never played it. Yeah I don't have a car so I can get out there. Oh god, you had to pay four dollars to like perform I mean, it was the worst back in the worst fucking a show I ever had a showcase

I had was in front of an all-black crowd and this wouldn't happen Abby calls me my manager. She goes sweetie. I got you an audition for Um Montreal, but I also invited um will smith's production company And all these fucking people right and it's gonna be at freaky monday not freaky monday What was the laugh after anyone not that the improv one? Tuesday like freaky monday's or something like that the more better monday Wow, and that's that's fucking brutal that one's combat comedy, right? So then they had this What they had was two eight-year-old rappers right before me

It was like kid. I'm not gonna play what's up to what the cross cross was criss-cross. Oh, shit It was criss-cross, right? So you opened for criss-cross, right? No, I I went after them after the crowd. So this is what happens. So so Montreal is there Will Smith's production company all-black crowd. It's packed. All right And these two kids go up there and they destroy the room. Sure people are standing dancing. It was insane And then the how forgot the who who the host was but he said all right now We got to go back to stand up and this is a showcase, you know, I mean showcasing for Montreal even worse The kids don't leave the stage

What he tells the kids all right when you guys are done and the audience is like no We want that right so the kids are up there like, you know on stage kind of like we're gonna do another song But this motherfucker goes nah, Bobby Lee There he doesn't even let them leave they're on the stage when I go up on stage So then what do you write so I good up and I start going telling my joke. I don't even know You come so young. I don't even know like hey, can you guys leave or nothing? I just kind of go into my act all that's in there for fucking booing me this and that. Yeah, and I'm literally crying Tears coming down my face

And I don't even finish I start shaking and I get off and I just remember this distinct moment My friend John Fengotsic came to see my he's a white dude And I remember him give me a hug as if To say Good luck with the rest of your life You know, I mean we're gonna go back to San Diego and probably get a day job You know, I mean it was like one of those club. It literally scarred me for years Yeah, this is the same kind of thing that happened to me at that club and I had a couple experiences like that

I remember I just got knee surgery. Okay Why is that so funny? I just got these fat dudes. They need that Because of the weight I was like 24 and I was playing basketball and somebody and anyway, so I tore my ACL So I just got just surgery. So I had this crutches So the guy this buddy of mine calls dude, they need a host at the improv You should come do it. I go I got my crutches and at the time. I was like, well, you can't you have to go I go

And I you know Literally like I don't think I got one laugh Like everyone was just looking at me like oh my god It was like so brutal And then I remember bringing and then I thought well, maybe he used to crowd I remember the first comic I brought up. It was earthquake. Oh, I love him You know, I was like, okay, everybody earthquake The first thing out of his mouth, he starts killing and then it's just

You know, and then I had to bring up dana ghoul and it was just like and I'm just like Gold after him. Yeah, it's just my whole career was like that. I just felt this is my career I'm on crutches and I'm down and out and this is the worst experience ever You know, and so this is why like when I this is why the comedy scene now these fucking young comics, man It's so fucking spoiled. So feeling so entitled about what they you know, and I'm just like, yeah Don't pay some dues, bitch. You know what I mean? Get the fuck out of my face. This white dude who did a bringer room I did brian marnark's bringer. Oh, don't get me started. All right. So this white dude had been up three times Right walks up to me goes. Hey, see you around the circuit

And I want this motherfucker sit circuit. Yeah, like this is the cat skills I was doing a show at vaudeville or something like with the circuit and no show You said, where do you use that word? You know what they do? There is no circuit for you. Yeah. Yeah, you're not in the circuit We're not on the same place. Yeah. Yeah Oh my this is like I remember this this you're not gonna like this one what I'm about to say now, but I've heard it all believe it or not. There was this female comic. I'm not gonna say who you know And I was like, you know, I said I was like hollering at her a little bit She was like, well, I don't date people that I work with and I was like, um

We don't work Okay, like this is like I'm president of the company and you work on the warehouse floor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and I'm just passing through I know Saying hey, how you doing? Like we're not working together You know the worst thing I did in that situation pisses me to fuck off They were doing a fucking bring a room in the belly room and this white chick who had been up her second time She had done an okay So I don't know didn't see it but she had gotten a little drunk and she's coming down the stairs and she's

Outwardly saying at the comedy star. I just killed up there You know, I mean, I just fucking killed and I could just hear her coming down the hallway now I'm in the hallway, right and she walks up to me and she goes get out of the way To me Right. I'm a paid regular right and I go nope And she goes who the fuck are you That's what she says. I go. I'm a paid regular here, you know, and she's like, well, what's your name? I've never heard of you and I said I'm gonna say that I said this I had a glass of coke in my hand

A glass, right? I go just watch me. This is how the kind of power I have I threw the glass up against the wall. It shattered Middlecomb Brendan comes up behind me cleans it walks away and I go, there's nothing they can do That's pretty you know what she said you're an asshole Yeah, you know because that's I hate that shit. I was in I was doing this show. We got a million. Yeah, I do another one Continue your story. I'm gonna go pee. All right, baby. You don't have to tell us I'm just not in a good place. I'm in so much pain the um, I was out in uh

Humboldt whatever it was and because of all those bringer shows at the comedy store These people are telling people like, you know how you what's your credits these people are saying? Oh regular at the comedy store All right Comes up and I walk up to him. I was like, uh, yeah, I don't I don't know you Who are you? You know, don't I said don't say that shit Yeah, because you're not a regular at the comedy store because you're disrespecting all that I had to do Even fucking know about what about to say about that. You know, you you you don't ever say that even fucking want to know What I have to say about that shit right now, man

I don't know why he gets me so angry. Here's another thing. I hate. All right when I hear this shit He's he's been on showtime tonight show HBO and it's something like god. You've never seen before You know what I say to him afterwards When did you do the tonight show? I will go up to them ask them Why never was on the tonight show? Well the motherfucker before you who brought you up said that you were on it I know it's just something I tell them to say I go. No, what because I'm gonna tell you or something right now I did the tonight show and I don't even use that as an intro because I only did it once

That's how sacred that shit is. Yeah, don't fucking lie I hate when people just like bring you up and they just say whatever to us. Hey, I know I have a credit Who has the best intros in the business? Not you No You think I want to you. Okay. This is your classic intro for me. Oh, here's this guy ugliest guy in the business He looked hideous my friend. Why would the fuck would I want to be brought up like that? I say fuck you sir

Why would I want to be brought up like that? Fuck you, sir Huh? This is what I say. Fuck you, sir Here comes the gookiest guy I've ever met Fuck you, sir. What you're saying you're not saying the truth. Okay. I say shit like this. I talk about our relationship Right, I say I say your credits bullshit. Mm-hmm workaholic. I say that which he hates Jim carry Jim carry Show showtime. I've said that a couple of times. It just happened. It doesn't matter I fucking you still add you still add a little extra to it too, though Yeah, I say yeah, Bobby's gonna praise you. He has to tear you down twice as hard. Oh, I know

Yeah, he's gotta be like I know I really like this guy, but he's a fucking ugly Anytime he wants to shit on me. He'll always say sweetie. I love you It's always prefaced with I love you and then he'll trash you. Yeah, he'll he'll absolutely destroy me If he gives you an orgasm, he has to shit on your face. That's how he is and he does What time is it? Shoot on your face. 110. 110. All right, dude. So, um, I know you have a show to do I got plenty of time. I know we gotta do a question. We only do an hour show. Oh, all right We keep it simple, right? And I want to just say this. Thanks for doing our show and I also want to say this We would love to have you back. Yes. Well, first of all before we continue. Okay, we go

Let's just talk about this shit. I already know what you're gonna talk about. It's okay, baby This traitor is fuck right here. Okay. Him and I talked for six nine months a year talking about we're gonna do a podcast Yeah. Oh, we're gonna do a podcast. We also went to all his company together We went and met with somebody and then he's in here like I'm gonna make this room into a podcast room And I'm like, oh, this is great. This is great Oh, I can't wait, Bobby. All of a sudden he's like, oh, yeah, I'm doing a podcast with my girlfriend I was like you Bros before host

No, no, let me tell you something, Eric. Let me tell you something. No, no, no Well, I'm gonna interject one second because traitor is fuck. Let me tell you left our fire team on destiny. Wow And then you did this to me. But I'm glad to be here. No, Eric. Listen when you guys first talked about doing the podcast I facilitated. I told him I will set up the whole room for you and Eric. I will do whatever I can. Oh, I know this is your fault I'm just trying now. You had surgery You Jezebel I Will kind

She came in john, you know, maybe maybe we should do an album together Maybe you should be us, baby. I know what the fuck happened. Eric. I am in duress and this traitor is fuck was like, okay, baby You're right. We should do a podcast Oh, baby, you're yoko You broke up the Beatles. I never fucking asked him to do this. As a matter of fact, I just implied it No, I pushed for you and I kept reminding him. He had to do one with you But you know, he doesn't reply to messages during some head though. So baby Maybe

I mean, I have opinions human and your choice. I remember when you manipulated him I remember Hearing your conversation when he told you that he was doing it with me. I heard you I heard I've been with a Filipino. I know what you did to him Yeah, I did some with some adobo and I said it punched it. Yeah, I baited him in you're right But you know what? I mean, I don't regret the decision. I and then you know what and I don't I think say that out loud No, I'm gonna say this. I'm gonna say this you motherfucker. Okay. I really love you. I really do as a friend

I really love you, but I love the situation and you're doing great in life And I you're gonna do even greater things and I'm proud to know you and let's end this fucking thing How about this though? This podcast is like your relationship. You didn't want to do it at first and it worked out. Okay But also who's to say people do two or three podcasts. Well, what's stopping you from doing? Well, we were supposed to do that making a murderer one. We have to still do that I still have a lot a lot of We're gonna talk about it. Yeah, you know, you know, we should you know, we should because we have this facility now We should try to facility. You mean your second bedroom. Yes. It's the only thing he's ever gonna show up to

He's never gonna show up to anything. You put a microphone in and it becomes a facility You hear this guy Just because you buy magnum condoms doesn't mean you have a big dick Do you have a question we do we do a question what would the email after you add a help us Unhelpful advice with bobby kalilah and eric griffin Best podcast bobby's art kalilah science and gilbert is the finishing touch. Uh, what do you guys? What do you guy? Oh, he can phrase this right. Do you think you guys how do you know when you know the person of your dreams? How the person you grow old with how do you know when it's that person? Oh my god

That's like the worst you don't never know I can answer this. Go ahead um It happened it's because you've opened yourself up and you've given yourself time to like get to know someone and be vulnerable and let them see all Your faults all your strengths and all your weaknesses and that person accepts you and then you've grown into this relationship together And then that's when you're like, oh, wow, you just you're just there You don't you know what I mean? You don't meet the person and then be like, oh, there's the person Okay, but see a lot of which happens to see but a lot of people are under this conception that The idea that you're just gonna know or have that

Inkling or that feeling upon meeting someone for the first time that they're your absolute those are women who are under 30 Who are stupid? I feel men are delusional just as equally delusional like that like I've been with men I'm like, I knew it from the start. I'm like, bro. I don't even want to fucking kiss you Yeah, yeah People are slaves to their Shallowness, you know, you see you think that people think fucking is the reason why they're gonna stay together forever And no, that's the first thing that's gonna leave. Yeah, you know what I mean? You see that baby? It's left us, huh? It's left us. I love you, baby

What's your guys's sex life like if like once the foot has gone in the way my foot So what's happened is his foot has actually caused my vagina to itch My foot my don't put your foot in her. You must have a really little dick Scratch my foot fucker I scratch my fingers on my foot and it got to her vagina. We've had problems But I don't want to talk about that right now. We're talking about this fucking question about life love It's all right for mr. That's it. So that's it You know what life love is when you can make someone's pussy itch because of your nasty foot and she stays

That's exactly what it is. That's what it is. Yeah, you know what I mean? Love is like when you have french fries love is not sharing your french fries love is being able to say Hey, get your own fucking french fries. That's when you can say that to someone and then know that it's okay Yeah, that's love. Yeah Like i'm michael jackson. You're the silver glove When he picked me up on the first date it was another Where are you right? I'm just trying to say it fits Remember extortion extortion. Yeah, no more black people references for you. Well, he was oily though his hair

I know remember that's why you got set on fire in that video. Oh, you did That's right And if this was a podcast in the 80s, you would be 100 correct, you know, because like the oil in the hair product Yeah, you have a gerry curl. You're oily. We want to you mother. That's not racist. I did. Oh good lord. I just ate it I know you did. Okay. I want to say this right now. I want to say this I would we need you to have you back because you're you're great. Okay, and uh, we love you for having for coming And i'm sorry. I just want to see if we got to get an answer Let's stop it now. Eric really quick anything you want to promote twitter handles stuff like that

Yeah, it's at eric. I'm at eric griffin on everything. You're i k g r i f f i n you know snapchat twitter shots facebook instagram tinder that's me And then check them out on that new show and showtime that's coming out. It's called i'm dying up here Well, we don't we haven't started shooting yet, but you know, i'm gonna be on the second season of blunt talk So look for me to be on a few episodes. Patrick stewart. Yeah Yeah, so, you know and workaholics is on right now and then they'd probably be back for season seven also So look out for me. Check out eric guys. Callila. Any bobby shows? Um, god see he doesn't even know the fucking tour dates. By the way, if you're not watching the video on this

She's covering her nose right now. Yeah, i'm trying not to self Uh bobby shows if you can just check them out at w w dot go to bobbyleelive.com for tour dates his next uh His next shows are going to be april 21st 2 to 23rd in texas three different texas cities and after that may Uh six or seven or my fifth or six just check on the website But he's gonna be uh, he's gonna do two nights at gotham comedy club in new york Is it still there? Okay, it's gone. Uh god, um follow us on twitter at um At the tiger belly on instagram at tiger belly. You write your questions to the tiger belly and for fox eggs You guys be nice. We do this shit for free. Don't make stored us

Where we don't try to fucking profit don't try to profit from people who don't profit from giving you entertainment That's just ass backwards and that's mean and that's cruel and you're an evil fucking person if you do that to us And and to anybody who's upset that the episode was taken down You guys get get on those type of people get on those evil motherfuckers who think that they can profit from something that It's not profiting So that's my piece my tits still hurt like a motherfucker. So I'm sorry if I wasn't as participant You know active participant today Um, but yeah, um, we'll see you guys next week

And make sure you uh, check out our youtube channel youtube.com slash tiger belly. Uh, also you want to just address the vlog Uh, really? Oh, that's right. I'm sorry that we didn't put out a vlog this monday and that's because I've Uh, basically it's because of the surgery and I've had a very very very rough week and um a lot of things happened That we didn't anticipate and um, but expect Expect a blog a vlog next week and maybe extra bonus content just to say we're sorry And we love you guys for listening and we will see you next week. All right Peace out guys and on gilbert's and really quick wildclylus saying bye and leaving Uh, make sure you check out our instagram at tiger belly and make sure you check out

I think you said the twitter at the tiger belly Uh, and also, uh, check out our reddit tiger belly And uh, if you go on our instagram, you can also find our po box if you want to send us anything All right. See you guys later and follow george kimmo our producer at gilbert's Hey Prime members you can listen to tiger belly ad free on amazon music download the amazon music app today Or you can listen ad free with wondery plus in apple podcast Before you go tell us about yourself by completing a short survey at wondery.com slash survey