TigerBelly - Episode 89: Eric Stonestreet & the Six Point Five
Episode Date: May 3, 2017Eric and Bobby are the commercial kings of the past but only one man makes it to Parks BBQ's Wall of Fame. We talk Michael Bay, shallow caves, and how to be the engine, not the caboose.See Pr...ivacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.
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You are
Five you ready four three two one
Everyone clap your hands clap them like you just don't care
Everyone clap your hands
Don't care. Don't even fucking know the fucking lyrics. I told you to wear a thing. You're fucking you're right. You're right
Anyway, welcome to Tiger Belly. My name is captain Bob Lee and
And we have Kalyla George is here Gilbert's here and let me tell you something right now
I was afraid to ask this next guy to do the podcast because he's gone into a different threshold of existence and
He used to be with the with me
No, we're just you know me comedy compadres
You know and um, he's moved on to a different level and I'm so happy that he's here
His name is
Eric Stonestreet Eric Stonestreet everybody from the modern family. Yes. Yes
We're just gonna do the Asian accent
You taught me I know I taught him how to do an Asian accent and also I'm only impersonating you impersonating
And the reason why I asked I got the balls because you know Eric
Texts me once a year twice a year and he sent me this photo
It says it's it's a photo of the Hollywood Bowl and it says the Korea Times presents
2017 Korean music festival and then he just put FYI
Like for like I'm gonna fucking buy tickets. I don't like the Rolling Stones. Yeah, like you wouldn't just be given tickets
Yeah
A little kitty backstage pass pass
Yeah, yeah, I'm weird. Um, first of all, can I just say this and you know this that I'm an American just like you
Are you a little bit because when you came to the house, would you say?
This is nice. No, you say that
I know well, so that was because you saw the shoes. Yeah, I wanted to be respectful
I fucking hate when people make you take off your shoes when you go, right
Do you make people do that? No, I would never make you do that. And then when you drove you go, would you say?
when you
He's being interrogated
People have to know our relationship
Eric and I we joke around right and we have a we have an open kind of a comedy relationship where we can say whatever to each other
Yeah, correct. And so when I pulled into your parking, right? You said what you say, this is a very expensive car
Yeah, yeah, I was just saying I want to make sure it's safe
But I didn't have to say that I knew what I was I know I know and then um, I'd like to talk about
The beginning yeah of you and I
I'll be interested to see what if your story matches my story. I think that I met you
At the commercial audition for Pepsi one for Pepsi for Michael Bay the one he directed
Did you both book it?
well
So whatever was him and I were like remember downtown in that lobby LA Center Studios, right?
And then we were looking at each other. Do we say I don't think anyone said hey, I'm Bobby and I'm Eric
I think we just
Were friendly to each other. Yeah, but we knew that there was one part
Yeah, and then they were and you were going for the same part. So you were the last two, right?
Yeah, they were like they had released one guy who I always
Felt like I always felt bad for the guy that was like, thank you so much. Yeah, cuz I was that guy plenty too. Yeah
Yeah, I know you were that guy
Yes
Yeah
You son of a fucking bitch you fuck you
Okay, so
Fuck you. Yeah, and so we looked at each other
He we I did so he would go in and so now Michael Bay sitting there with like four or five guys and they look cool
Yeah, they're well there. Yeah, they are cool. They are cool, right? They're sitting there. They're legs
You know how they they cross their legs and sit like this. Yeah, their hair is perfect
Yeah, her hair is perfect and I swore to fucking got all I heard was crush
Like laughter. Oh, and then when you know, you know, you go this guy
He's probably the best he is. I'm not gonna get it, but I went in there. I did okay. Yeah
I heard laughter when you went in too. Yeah. Yeah, and then they would bring Eric back in right and back in four
And then you would hear more laughter
Yeah, and then they would bring him back in and so it was like a little kind of a laugh off
It was brutal. It was brutal. Yeah, and then they brought us in together. Well, don't you remember?
We were both sitting there. They were both sitting out in the lobby or whatever. Yeah
And at that moment in time, we probably were talking it's like dude, this is weird like whoever gets it whatever
Yeah, and then they pop their head out and they're like, we'd like you to both come in right
Oh, which is never happens. And didn't they just kind of hire us right there? They did. Yeah. Yeah, you're both gonna be the guy
Yeah, you're both are gonna be the guy, but then it became when we actually did the job go on
It was a disaster for me
Why for you? Deep water. I was in deep water
Number one. It was a Super Bowl commercial. Yeah. Yeah, it was so it's big
Yeah, it was a spoof on Goldilocks and the three bears, right and
Kim control was Goldilocks and Bobby and I were the towel boys towel boys, right?
And now you have to understand this and Eric's worked with me a couple of times on different things, right?
It's a I'm a desert. I was young and I don't know why you're
Past tense last Super Bowl. Yeah, I'm a disaster keep it current
I mean cuz and I tell you love the panic that I get yeah, I know all those things, right?
Don't they're real. This is a reoccurring nightmare. They're not they're not
Yeah, they're yeah, it is still is I still talk about it. I do too. Yeah
So it's like I when I get big jobs and a run big people I panic and I go through the you know people that are fans of the podcast
Know how weird I am and that all is real. Yeah, it is real
So but the nice side of me has always told you that it's misplaced because you are not in those places by accident
You are that's that. Oh, thank you
That's really you need to fall back on that every once in a while except when I'm giving you shit
Yes, and that's really nice that you would say that I'm about to cry that you said something like that
But anyway, let's move on from that. Let's not go. Yeah, that's not get too fucking comfortable
So do you remember though how difficult it was for me too because we're shooting the commercial and
Michael would come over and say all right
It's the light thing gonna go off this time and then the camera's gonna be on the track
Right, and it's gonna do this and then we're gonna do that. All right, and then he would look at me and be like
All right, you're hilarious. Just keep doing what you're doing you Bobby
Stay in the fucking light if I can't see your face. You're not gonna be on camera. Do you understand that?
It's in just would berate Bobby. Yeah, and then compliment me
It was the best thing and then it wasn't a bit no no no at one point he grabbed my face
He grabbed my he went from behind the camera Michael Bay
Grab my face and go the light
The light right? I mean I kept looking at Eric. Oh, this is the worst
But to be fair like why couldn't you just?
In the light
Not getting your face in the light because I'd never really I mean that was like what my third or fourth job
Yeah, but oh my god
So we had to do this a little comp a funny comedy thing where I would peek around the corner
And then Bobby would peek underneath me or I would peek down and then Bobby would peek around
You know, yeah, you know this kind of yeah, and you could know you would never get your face in the light
And then do you remember what else happened when we were shooting that commercial? No, not about that about oh, yeah
I know Michael Clark Duncan showed up. Yeah, so we're having lunch right. There's lunch. Yeah, and now at this point
I'm I just I mean I'm not out really saying it, but I'm sure he's new. I was just this is the worst. I hate it
You know, and I'd like to quit whatever right and then we're having lunch and then this out of nowhere a
gigantic gorilla gorilla
We can sell it was for because he was in
Planet of the Apes he came in in full
My god, he would say this
We sort of second city this one from Wrigleyville. Oh nice. Yeah, I live there for two years
Yeah, yeah, was impressed. So he came in gorilla suit when he said that when you said that Wrigley field
He wasn't that impressed man. I but I get well. It's like hell hole. It's like next to I
Get what he's from. Okay. Yeah
anyway
Way to pump the brakes
Anyway
So yeah, he came in and I remember Michael like touching his and he made him like do a cry and he's like
Beating his chest and we're like, yeah, yeah, yellow eyes. Yeah fangs. It was amazing
Anyway, that commercial didn't run that much and then but here's what do you remember this one at the end of the commercial
Oh, you and I are standing next to each other. Mm-hmm Kim Cattrell walks up to you
Do you remember this and says you're gonna be a very big star? She said that to me? Yes
And what did she say to you? She looked at me said nothing and walked away and she was right
She was right
A lot of things have happened with me though, you're in here with me. I know you and that's I know
So you guys have this picture where you're dressed as mimes. Where's that from? Oh, that's where you're sitting on my lap
Yeah, maybe in commercial. That was another IBM. No, he was he was by bank robbers
Yeah, you guys were like a duo for a while
You guys know just ran. I think in the late 90s. Yeah, we ran. There was like 10 guys
That booked every commercial. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I mean, I would book. I mean, I literally booked 20 in a year
Joe Pitka commercial did you do?
How many like forever? Yeah from your whole career
I guess if you don't know Joe Pitka is the he's like the Steven Spielberg of commercial director
Yeah, he's he's you when you book a Joe Pitka job
You're gonna go through hell. I mean at least I did
But you're gonna make a shitload of money
Yeah, and he's he likes finding people that he likes and can trust and yeah works with him
And he just keeps casting him and I was lucky enough. I think in
2000 maybe
2000 to book my first one with him, which was an American Express commercial and they think between then in 2007
I did like 60
I remember what though you were in Italy shooting one with them. Yeah of a country, right?
Yeah, it was shooting a commercial for IBM in front of the Leaning Tower of Pisa and the Leaning Tower of Pisa
Tumbled crash to the ground and the commercial ran exactly two times on
99 and 910 of
2001
What happened at 11?
Bobby. Oh
I'll leave
Disasters happen. Yeah, so that that commercial never really really did much. Yeah, but in retrospect it was a fuck
Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah, I got to go to Italy. Yeah, and you I remember one night
You said you had to get to pick up I mean
It was he was nice to you right very nice
Yeah, but to me it was nice to you too. He kept hiring you that means he likes you
I know but the things he would say though. Well
You don't bring those on
At all
What you just said right now it could have been a spiritual awakening just now really because in many ways
I like to blame people. Mm-hmm, but I have to look at my behavior. You do and
And I have to I have to look at the things that I say and do and do and things I invite and you know what?
That's too shady you my friend. You could be right about that, but he did say some crazy shit. Yeah, like what?
Qingchong
I'm not even really Qingchong get on your mark. Yeah. Yeah, but I've heard him say he doesn't discriminate
He doesn't yeah, no
He says crazy things about a lot of things. Yeah, and he's the best in the business and I made a lot of money and they
Thank you so much. Mr. Pick up. Yeah, he's so much. He is really literally
One of the people responsible for me to be able to be in the position to even get a job like modern family because when I would go
into auditions
because of working for him consistently I was you know secure like I felt secure and I felt like I had confidence because I had a
Few ducats in the bank and I didn't have to go in there with desperation pouring out of my pores. Yeah. Yeah, you're right
I mean he was like I did one job for him an IBM job. I
Mean $300,000 for one job and this is in 1999
No, I didn't make that much on one which one was that it was the juggernaut with the space suit one
Oh, dude, that was a huge huge campaign. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so I just I'm just grateful for yeah
Yeah, yeah for all that and even when I was on mad I did the bank why rubber on with you remember
Yeah at the shaved head. Yeah, that was great. That was great. That's when that's when we did that. I forgot about that one
Yeah, that's with me. That's the one you're talking about where you're sitting on my lap or something. Yeah
Yeah, we are I'm wearing a little pork pie hat. Yeah. Yeah, and then you did a couple
You did like a couple of mad sketches, right? Maybe one one you with you and Ike with me and Ike
Baron hold because I knew like from Chicago. Yeah, I knew you from here
And then you know what I also remember is we we go to like Steve and I would go to that Brazilian
Oh my god in Burbank. Yeah, yeah, which one is it that's yours Korea? Yeah, it's a trust Korea it called
meat
Can't remember what it's called. It's over in the media center like downtown Burbank
But yeah, we went to there and remember you just do the green light right and you ate so much
Do I recall you being mad at me because I did an interview or something where I said that I
Could call Eric Stone Street to get me
Like good restaurants. No, I would never be meant. Why would I ever be I think you gave me shit?
Was it you or no somebody not me? Yeah, when did you do an interview?
Are you saying that enough? Have you done interviews?
Like who interviewed you?
It was probably like Kri-Am
Kri-Am
No, but what are you talking about? I don't really know. I did like I did like a some sort of like
Like interview and I said that what do you get because I remember I talked to you. I said I about tinder
I taught him about tinder. Oh, and then I said I heard about this. We have to delve into that
In a sec remember I taught you about tinder. Yeah, you did and you got off of didn't you not I did get off of it
After a while is the same all same
It's like a game
Yeah, it is but not I mean meeting people because I very rarely meet people off the dating apps
But just swiping people's pictures. It just feels like I'm playing some sort of
Game or something and you become desensitized and it's it's how long we want it
seven years
No, yeah, you know a year or whatever. Yeah, but did you go on on dates on it? Yeah. Yeah, of course
But it was cool for it was cool for a while. Yeah. Oh, yeah, you you definitely got me going on that
Yeah, because I've never heard that way. Did you really? Yeah, I didn't see you on there
All right, baby
Remember me? I missed my chance there. We'd be doing this podcast in a really big room
70 commercials
More IBM than him
This guy used to kill it like he used to use to pass. I know he's killing it now
But like even but I mean you have to imagine
A guy who you know, you don't really know his name
But you just know when he walks into a commercial, you know, auditioning room you go. Oh fuck that guy
I don't feel that people thought that about me. I think they do
I think they do because I've heard other people say yes
Don't shoot used to come in and used to get it and then you know, man
I hope I was nice. There were guys that didn't get would go in and never got any. Yeah
So imagine going in to 50 of them and then seeing you at half of them and then you're on half of those
And you know, I mean in his head. He's like that guy's a beast
But there were people like that when I moved out here that I would see in every commercial
Yeah, I would walk in it took a while for me to get to be considered that guy
God, you you're really humble. Are you not? I am. I think so you are. Yeah
What were you doing immediately before you got cast on modern family?
Um
commercials like mostly just commercials. I had done a few guest stars leading up in that year
Uh on tv shows where I'd killed killed a few people
Bobby knows my dark side. Yeah, but he also was on
Movies like almost famously was in that. Yeah, that's a small part of that. Yeah, but do you already know? Yeah
I mean you have to imagine when I was watching that movie back in the day. I was like, oh, there's an actress, yeah
Um
But I was in one of my down, you know, like little thunks as an actor right before modern family
You know how we go through those things where you're just like, well, what do I do now?
And I was literally in one of those in a friend of mine who I met through Joe Pitca
Marshall bell. I don't know if you ever work with Marshall bell. He's a character actor talks like this. He's from, oklahoma
Licks his teeth a lot
And I called him and I was like, dude, I'm having a he's like, what else are you gonna do man? You got traction
You're in the business. You got to stay
Whoa
He talked me he like talked me down off the good ledge. He's like, what else can you do?
I was like, well, Jesus, I guess when you put it that way. Yeah, so
Uh, and then the audition for modern family happened like within that form a four month window of that period
And I read that that whole audition process was a long one for you where they kind of didn't know like who they wanted to cast
Is that your girlfriends so much smarter than you?
She does research. She sounds good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. Now fucking answer it, man. Fuck it.
Fucking Tinder
Could have been you, baby
Still might. Still might. We'll talk about it after.
Hey, now I'm sweating. Yeah, okay. We'll take the fucking stocking cap off. Oh, yeah, you're right.
And all that hair
So, yeah, it was well because I was one of the last people that they'd cast in the show
They had been looking for a while and I did, you know, four auditions for it, which isn't that that
Unusual but what made my process a little more unusual was that they I had done two auditions and they had passed
Like sent word that like they liked me, but it wasn't going to go any further
Because I knew I knew the casting director and so it was
A courtesy call for him calling my manager because you know as actors we'd love to know when we're no longer and
So we're not sitting home wondering so he just called and said hey, you know, they really like Derek
But it's not it's not going to go any further twice. They did that to me. Yeah. Oh my god
So that was what made my process for me a little different
And then then you then the third time did you go I'm not going to go back in or well
No, then they called out of the blue and said we'll test you so then so I went in once
Passed then 10 days seven days passed and they called back and said come back in dress more appropriately
For the character clean shaven because I would roll around. That's another thing. I would do. I loved about you
Yeah, I would never like dirty play the yeah play the game of doctor's coat
Oh, yeah, like they dress up
I used to get when I first moved into town like only Asian ones
So I'd go into a lobby and saw people in ninja suits. Yeah and samurai sword and I would dress like this
Yeah, I'm not gonna get this
I knew it was time for me to start getting thinking about getting out of the commercial business when I went over to an
audition in Santa Monica
Yeah, and that called for a guy in a suit and tie and I showed up, you know, just in like a nice shirt and jeans
Yeah, I wasn't looking like a slob and the guy was like, oh, what are you here for and I said sears
He's like
Where's your suit and tie and I said, oh, do they have the set built in there too?
I said, did they build the set?
Is the set in there? Yeah, they didn't have no imagination. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, uh, I need to back away
I'm losing this 12 12 years of this has caught caught it to me. Yeah
But anyway, I was just doing commercials and I remember distinct distinctly shooting the pilot and listening to all my co-stars
Uh talking about their careers and the things that they had and that includes the kids on the show
and everyone had something
that they were either
Going to do if the show didn't get picked up or that they had turned down to do the show like
Julie Bowen was in second position on another pilot type
Arell was in second position on another pilot. Sophia Vigara had a holding deal at ABC
Jesse Tyler Ferguson was going to go to Broadway and play a buddy the elf in the musical elf
Whoa, Ariel winter who's a brilliant actress. She had something that she was going to do
Rico was like killing it doing his own thing. Yeah, everybody had something going on
And I remember I really remember sitting there thinking I have a Lowe's callback
Yeah
But that was my career that was my career up to that to that point
And I think I represented so many actors to that point. I was the guy who I was the least known
Uh
Adult for sure
Maybe Ariel and Sarah Highland were more recognizable. I mean they'd worked more than I had almost probably and
That's um, yeah, but can I just say this the argument is this though
I don't you you said all those names. I don't know who they are. You don't watch the show
I doesn't matter. Just wait a minute. What? No, I don't I've never seen that. You've never seen modern family. Fuck it
He's trying to fuck it. I know it's good. Fuck it
You is it too hard for you?
As you clip it, I saw one time you did the thing where you reached the baby up and you did a uh a lion king thing
That was supposed to be you
Bobby went I saw that passed on him twice
No, I saw that uh, you know how you you're I'm like I because I fly coach and I had one of those little tv screens
And somebody was next to me seeing that part
And them laughing and I go I want to say that's my friend, you know what I mean?
But I didn't but I laugh because the way you did was funny and that's all I need to see but what I'm going to say
This he has a hard time watching all myself either. I can't see anybody not even yourself, but your friends you can't do it
Okay, but just could I just say this? Sure is that?
I don't know who they are. That's fine. I know the guy from married with children. He's in it
Ted Bundy's a murderer
But
I can I and people that were in the comedy business, right?
I know who you are and we think that you were we always thought I always thought that you were legit
Yeah, and that's what I give a fuck about. Yeah. Well, that's like when like, um
You know one time I was at Barnes and Noble and this is before I met you
Sweden I was with this girl on a shitty date
Yeah, and Chris rock walked up and said what's up doing give me a hug and that's I don't care about
If the variety you mean knows me or whatever. I just care that that dude
Who's in the same business as I am respects me or knows who I am
I mean, so I'd rather have that
Well, I would too. So when you're in that fucking show they're like show like modern family and I know you're saying all those things
That's what you're thinking. I have lows and this and that at the end of the day
But you still had the back edge of I think the comedy community
Well, that's very nice or was it like I say one nice thing about you and then you say something nice to me
That was really sweet. No, that's not what I was doing. Okay. Well, I wasn't doing that. Can I thank you for saying something really nice?
It's like two genuine moments. I had
Is that a rarity?
Uh
Because you're weird with compliments. We make a week. Yeah, we've always made fun of each other. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
And we we don't go deep
Right with what just making fun of each other. Yeah. No. No. No. Yeah, it's not like you're gone deeper than I have like with what?
I'm not gonna say the face as at all. Yeah, you've sent me some pictures that I didn't appreciate
Oh, okay. That's it. That's all we have to say anymore about that. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Didn't care for that
And wow, I see a little resentment still. No, not resentment revenge
I
Will kind of I'll tell you
Not right now. I don't want this to turn into you know, well, that's not on him. That's on you for sending him
My bad. I'm gonna apologize right now. My bad to lean back George
Which is a little bit. Thank you so much. She's getting nervous. Don't be nervous. Everyone back up
He sends bobby unsolicited dick pics all the time. Yeah, it's fucking. Oh, that's not what I'm talking about. Okay. Okay
But can I say something how you helped me? Oh
I swear to god you did this and I don't know if you remember but
I was at an audition
Right. Yeah, and you were on the line. That's where you shoot. Right. Yeah, you walked into the lobby
Right when I was auditioning and I was telling you I was out and you go you said something to me you said
It doesn't have to be perfect
They know that you're a human being that you just got the size, you know me and just do the best you can
You know me don't worry about you know, I mean it really put me
In a different mental state because I was always in a
Is this when I was on the show already? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is your third year or something second year
so
After one Emmy, I think
Yeah, I think that was just yeah one Emmy. Yes. Yes, and um any way
Any fucking way
Um, it helped me and I tested for that show
But I literally literally like it has I get a script. I go we all get into that mode
We all get into that mode that have to to you know, perfect it and what I always would tell people is like
You want to do the almost the opposite of it when you go in and audition because these people that go in and audition and make it
perfect
You're you're you're kind of setting the standard in the the people watching's mind that they think well, this is as good as it's
Going to be this is as good as it can get no room for a pitch perfect
Yeah off book off this and man, there's this is the performance
Right when you want to give the appearance that you're a performer
And this is a loose sketch of how good it can be and man wait till you have some time with it
Wait till you have a costume on wait till you have a prop in your belt wait till you're on set
Then it's gonna really come alive
But these people that go in that are super worried about being polished
You're kind of doing yourself a disservice my trick and commercials and I tell people this all the time and it really I think was an
Important thing is I would be so aloof in a commercial audition. I would walk in and I would be like
Or do you want me to stand? Yes
Where okay stand here and who am I who am I reading with do you want me to read with you or with you?
Okay
And they'd be like are you ready? I'll be like yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Am I ready? I'm ready and then I would just be like
And just like come to life and take direction and take notes
And then it was like a man doing a magic trick a little bit in a sense because I would set the expectations low
Yeah, I said in commercial auditions is that the slate you have to pretend that it's silly
That you've done it before that, you know, you're grateful to be there
But also I you know, I'm a busy guy like to kind of embody those things
So I would always make the slate kind of funny. I'm sure you would what would you do?
Like they turn I go which way and I'll turn backward, you know
You know and they would
I would do this Eric stone street
One more time, please
Eric stone street could you try without a hesitation?
Eric stone street. Okay, that's it. Thank you so much
Uh, oh bobby. Yes. Uh, can you please slave please? I'll can you turn around though?
Oh
You know my anytime I do an asian guy, it's me impersonating you impersonating my dad from your stand-up
Yeah, you do sometimes come out to see me. That's really nice. Yeah. Yeah, remember you called me out in the audience at one point
Yeah in the main room. Was it? Yeah, and you didn't like it. I didn't mind it. But that's not my world
Like it's I've always kind of regretted never pursuing and trying to be a stand-up. But you could I mean out of anyone
You could have done it
Well, that's really funny because
You still do kind of a live show. I do do a live show like I know that because we have the same agents. Are you still a ca?
Yeah, okay
I'm still there too barely. Yeah
Barely talk to him. Yeah
Yeah, yeah
We should do we should do we should do a show. We should do something together. Yeah, but
I know that got talked to the pa department and they go yeah, Eric's do in australia doing these
question and answer q&a's q&a's how does that work?
Uh like this
It's like an open format where I'm on stage. I come out and I do a little brief introduction of like who I am and why I'm there and
You know you get laughs in this introduction introduction. Yeah big time because yeah, because they don't know what they really bought a ticket for
So that's the first thing that I say is like, yeah, I bet you're all wondering. What the fuck did you buy a ticket for?
And that's a big laugh because they don't yeah no
And it's a combination of humor and
sincerity me giving advice what I
I found that people are always asking me for my advice on things so
And then asking me what it's like to do what I do. So I've taken that format and just turned it into um
Kind of improv improvise stand-up because I get I never know what kind of questions
I'm gonna get I do know what some of the questions are so I have built-in answers for those so
I've written jokes essentially yeah my own head because my my my experience is improv never stand up. Yeah
and um
So do you do an hour? I I've done two hours. Oh
God that's amazing. Yeah, I it's exhilarating. I love it and it's a meet and greet afterwards
I'll do a meet and greet depending on where the theater is. Yeah, and what the what the deal is
But you know the thing of it is is if I didn't want to do it
I wouldn't be there and that's sort of the nice thing about the job
I have and that's what I tell people it's like if you see me someplace
It's because I want to be there. Yeah, I'm here tonight. You don't need the bunny. Yeah, because I'm I like you
And wanted to do this like I don't go places. I don't want to go and I don't do shows that I don't want to do
Right, right. No, I mean and it's also gives them like I imagine
living in a different country
And modern families one of the biggest it comes right and it's like I mean my all my family's from the philippines
Yeah, it's huge. Do they dub us there? Do you know?
No, they don't it's english. Yeah. Yeah, and it's like he's coming to our town
Yeah, I mean, I yeah, it's like it's amazing. I liked I did like six shows last summer this time of year last last year on the east coast
And I like playing those like 1,300 seat theaters like those that you I know you
No, I do 250
2,500 or 250
Yeah, can we hear your little voice out the way to the back?
Can I just tell you my journey? I know everybody knows your journey. My journey my friend. Keep your pants. All right. All right. Yeah, that's true
member uh
The spaghetti factory. Oh my birthday party had a birthday party. Everyone has a bobby lee spaghetti factory story. Oh, really?
Yeah, yeah, why I used to have yours. Well, you came right? Who was there?
Uh, the only person I really remember being there is you your brother and arie. Shafir Shafir. Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, and uh, because I think he I thought he was funny then
Yeah, I think he's so funny now so funny now. Was it before he beat the shit out of me or after?
Did you guys ever make up? Yeah. Okay. He called me out of the blue
That's nice. Yeah, and if you guys don't know this a lot of people do
Arie Shafir beat the shit out of me three weeks in a row to the point where I was bleeding out of my
Because he just got tired of your stuff or what? No, no because of natasha legiro. Oh, what happened?
I'm gonna just tell you the quick story. Okay
Um, when I was on mad do you remember ron peterson canadian guy?
Well, I was at the comedy store one night and he goes, who's that on stage? I go, that's natasha legiro. He goes, she's hot
I go, yeah, but she lives with arie shafir
Ron peterson goes
All right, and then I walked away because I had another show in the main room whenever
And then a couple hours later. I was driving him back to the hotel where he was staying at and he goes, I got her number
I go, yeah, but he's seeing she's seeing my friend arie. He's like, yeah, but she's gonna go on
So she she starts like going to like
Plays with him dinners behind arie's back
Right, and then out of nowhere arie calls it. She loved me, dude
I go, yeah, but you could you set them up
Oh god, right. I go. I didn't set them up. Why would I do that?
Because you did it and here's how I know
You did it. I go, how if you don't do this for me right now this thing
I wanted to ask you to do I know that you set them up. Whoa. What was the thing? I hope you show him your penis
Because I know you do that. Yeah, that's free
Yeah, that's a korean. Break into something break into his office at mad tv. Yeah
Go into his computer and steal the emails between ron
And and that's some attention
So I go, I can't break into his fucking office at mad tv
But can I just say the visual of you with a little smoke puff?
Running in and breaking me. I am a ninja
Like you thought about it for just a second. Yeah, I have my the whole thing on. Yeah. Yeah, they're called smoke bombs
Okay, that's smoke puffs. All right smoke puffs. Okay. I just didn't want to correct you
And um, so I go no, I'm not gonna do that and he goes then you set them up
So that friday I show up at the comedy store
And I'm checking in at the front counter
And he punches me in the face like for real punches you this is not a comedy fight the comedy joke fight
I fall to the ground and he kicks me in the face like 20 times. Oh, shit. Now. I'm bleeding. I'm bleeding. I'm like, you know
Almost, you know coma
But then as I get up I hear my name being called on stage on stage and I go up on stage
And did you talk about it or I only did I only went up for one minute. Yeah, and I go that guy right there
You know, I mean, I'm bleeding from the face. He picked the shit out of me. You know, like I called him out
Right, then I get off stage and
The manager goes just I mean, he's just emotional
I don't do anything
I go, all right
It's like how cool I am. Yeah a week later. I'm walking down the hallway at the comedy store
He fucking lunched me
Right and he starts strangling me
In the fucking hallway with his little jewith thumbs in my throat
I don't mean that in a racist way. Just a descriptive. Yeah, but I'm just saying that's how I felt at the beginning
The back then and he's squeezing and then my neck starts bleeding because he has his nails gouged into my fucking neck
Why it's so funny, baby
It is funny
You're mad bleeding right so then and then I remember I was dating a comic back then
And she was doing a show upstairs. Sarah. Did she come to your rescue? No, she didn't
But I remember going upstairs and my neck is bleeding and she goes. Why are you crying?
And why is your neck bleeding?
Oh my god, you're right. I bet that was a turn on to her
I was the beginning of the end. Yeah
And then the worst thing happened
so then
unbeknownst to me
This is when mind of mensia was going on. Okay
Oh, okay. Ari Shafir had auditioned for my name mensia and gotten the part when carlos mensia was out of town
So he had auditioned for the producers. They had hired him
But then when mensia caught back in the town, he already knew that aria attacked me twice
And he was looking at like who was performing in on a show and he saw aria on it. Yeah
So he called aria shafir
And says a dude. Um, you beat up my friend bobby. So you can't do my show
So in aria's mind, he thought that I had called. Oh, no, here comes the third
Yeah, yeah. This is a real bad sequence of events for you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm so glad I didn't get ever get into stand-up
I don't know. I would have beat your ass so many times
I don't know
so then I
Show up at the comedy store after he gets fired from mind of mensia
And I just hear running
Right like I parked the car. I closed the door. I hear yeah
And then no running because he's in the air doing a superman punch. Yeah. He does a superman patch from behind
Pat I fall to the ground, right? I just run straight to the office
screaming
Right
Oh, so funny, George
Yeah, I know I work for this guy
And I try I try to call 9-1-1
Right, so I call 9-1-1 to call the police, right? I answer the phone and then nothing. Do you know why?
Steve run a zizzy
Had pulled the fucking cord out of the fucking wall
And he gets on his hands and knees
And he goes if you call the cops now
He's gonna be in jail all weekend because it was a friday
I go so what the fuck do I do?
He goes go home
I just went home
And then the next thing I know he got banned from the club
And then for three or four years after that every time I would have walked by him
He would call me a piece of shit
And I wanted to say I didn't do anything and but you guys have finally patched this up. I'm so sorry. I asked this
Out of nowhere he calls me
And he just goes this is five years later
Yeah, yeah, dude. It's all right, and I just wanted to go fuck you right, but he goes I know that you had nothing to do with it
You know, I was just emotional. I love you. Were you a little worried like a fist was gonna come out?
Fuck! Damn it! Four times!
Yeah, and also you're trembling because
I I loved him. He was my friend. Yeah, we were at a birthday party together. Yeah at spaghetti factory
Looking at a picture of a snicker bar up your brother's ass
Oh
Oh my god, we just talked about that. We just talked about that. No one has proof. No one can find out about it.
I have it scarred in my brain
Would we like to do a lobotomy and check it out?
See now that was real because he was there if he could vouch if eric's industry could vouch. Yeah
My brother was on he talked about that. Yeah. It was really up his butt then. Yeah about this far
Oh
Yeah, Laban had done that
See
What a random thing to look at that the spaghetti factory. I know
By the way, what they should reopen a spaghetti factory now. There's one out. There's one out in the inland empire
What's it? Where what's it called?
But where it's like in Claremont or something. Yeah, it's off the yeah, it's off the 10
Well, we know what you're doing this round
I love the manager's special. What was it? Is that the three flavors?
It's two flavors of sauces you can choose
And the two sauces you have to choose is the mushroom sauce and I love the one with the misathro cheese
And then what you do is you mix or you meet sauce too and you mix it together and smells dandy as little
more
You make it sound good and I hate the spaghetti
She hates it. She hates benihana too
That's it. It's fun though. I come on
Hey, I gotta tell you something funny that actually has happened that you don't know about so I have made it
Because you're I think you might have been the first person to ever take me to korean barbecue
And I you know love it and I've made it my mission that every time I go to korean barbecue. Yeah, I name I name drop you
Yeah, I just work it into the conversation
With the waiter every single just as a little fishing expedition just to see if there's any reaction of like
Oh bobby lee
You know, he's a very famous korean comedian none, right? And no, so
The fucking day I went to ginnwa. Is that what it's called? Yeah, ginnwa. It's really good. I
I said
um
Where do you like to go? I like to the waiter. I'm like, so where do you when you want korean barbecue?
Where do you go? Yeah, and he goes out of k-town and I'm like, yeah, but like specifically which ones are good
And he rattles a couple off
And I said, I've been to soup old jeep before he goes. Oh, yeah, that's really good. It's uh, you know, it's
I said, they're not that friendly there to like white guys like me
I don't know if they don't speak english or whatever. I said, but my friend um
bobby lee
Pause took me to the place right next to keo chan right there
With the pig emblem and he goes. Oh, yeah, and he rattles it off. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and uh, he goes. Oh bobby lee
Actually, bobby lee was in here one time. He slapped one of our waiters
I'm like, yes
Finally, my name dropped work. It did work. You slapped a waiter. Yeah, you slapped a waiter at jinnwa
not but not in
A violent way. Oh, I've never slapped it not in an arish shafir way. Yeah. I know and like, you know, I mean like
That kind of a way he had a huge spiritual meltdown because our favorite korean barbecue spot has a wall
It's an asian wall of fame and he is not in parks parks barbecue parks barbecue. Oh, where's that? I'm on that one
On the wall, I think you are
You're fucking made out. He's not. Yeah, fuck stop bait. You fucking made out parks. Yeah before me. Yeah
It's all I dyed my hair black
Put on a really nice suit because you know what we did what we had a fan
Yeah from this podcast go to parks. You mean the fan. Yeah the one fan the one fan
Frame a fucking photo of me. Yes, and then fucking put it on the wall. Is it still up? Yes. Yes amazing
And then when I went back there like recently the owner was there
Here's the challenge what for your fans? They have a certain time limit. Let's give them
Um, oh six weeks. Okay. Six weeks is good
Somebody needs to get a picture of me
On parks barbecue. Yeah
Yes, and we'll go in together. We'll go in together
In six weeks. I have something I have there's a photo of me and Eric on my instagram. Oh, yeah
There's one there's one from the past and there's also one a couple years ago
Do that photo something recent
frame it
And then put it on parks wall
And don't say anything
Don't say that's a challenge. And if you can do that, what do we give them babe free t-shirt?
Possibly a free but they also have an upstairs wall where they put like the the d-list celebs, and I think that's where I'm on that wall now
That's where you ended up. That's where we ended up. They moved you. Yeah, they move
Like who's bigger than you?
Like some baseball player
Asians on the wall except you've never seen anyone. Did I ever tell you I met? Um
The dance song guy
William William hung sigh sigh sigh
Yeah, I saw a photo. He has six photos of him on that wall. I saw a photo without you know what?
He's looking at the photo that I've seen with you was baby. Let's back up for a second. I have a little confrontation
Little baseball game with ken jung
Oh
No, don't oh, that's a Korean betrayal invited me one time of the twice
I've only I've invited you to I've invited you to my Christmas party three times. You showed up twice
Is that what you're talking about? That's true. I didn't have it last year. You didn't have it last year. No
I'm having it next year. Can I get invited this year? Yeah, of course now that I now that I've met
Kalula
Yeah
Lila, let me ask you something. So I'm I am
Is it? Yeah, for sure. I don't think so. You think bigger? Maybe I think it's thick
Now it has nothing to do with the weight. It's not a weight thing. I just think it's thick
Have you seen so you've never seen Eric's penis? No, he's not one of those guys. He's not one of those guys
And you can I don't like seven. I have a very shallow vagina. That's not gonna work. I need smaller. Okay. I'm six
I can work with that. I can work with that. You're not seeing anybody? No right now. I mean
Not not as a in a girlfriend. I don't have a girlfriend. What happened to that opera singer, didn't you?
Susan Boyle? No, you were dating an opera singer, right? No, I was dating a girl that was on broad like a dancer. A singer. A singer.
What happened to that guy? Yeah, we broke up. She was doing her thing. I can't imagine
What your taste is like now
What was his taste before from what you saw?
I mean to me he would be like, you know, and he's an average guy probably got girls that were
But now he's I've never been a quantity over quality guy ever in my life. Yeah, I know you're a quality guy
So I can't imagine what you were ever was interested in
Like hooking up with a girl just because she would hook up with me like right never. You need the insides too
Insides are important sometimes Bobby
I met my girl here, man on Tinder. Oh my god. I can't I still can't believe it myself
Remember when I would start texting you right when I you started posting pictures of her? I'm like, does that girl need help?
Like
Do I need to call the police? Yeah, like are you holding her against her will?
You don't find me that I mean as I find you charming, but I don't think that I'm attractive
Uh, you're not my type if I was gay. No, I mean if I was a gay guy, I wouldn't bone you. Yeah
Well, that's rude. Why? Because if I was gay, I would probably go. Yeah, I took this guy's dick
Well, that's you and I'm me. I mean
How about this if you were gay and I was gay, would you at least invite me to parties and stuff?
Like we'd be friends. Yeah. Yeah, but I would do a real big blanket like hey, this is my friend Bobby
Oh
Right, right, right and you would probably never recommend me to your other gay friends. Yeah, I would guys that were into you know
Fat Asians. I don't think you're fat. Oh, that's nice. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Well, at least we'd be friends in that world. Yeah
uh
I remember one time when I was shopping like with a friend of mine at Nordstrom
So I got Matt and I was trying some stuff on this was before modern family or anything
And we're trying I was trying some clothes on and I came out
And my friend Matt was like dude this the salesman totally thinks we're a couple and I was like, oh really?
And he's like, yeah, and so I go back in and I and I try a couple other things off
Or try other couple things on and I come out and the salesman is so
Clearly like flirting with Matt like flirting with him. Yeah, and I find myself like getting really like mad about it
Because he had told me that he thought we were a couple so then I'm like well if he thinks we're a couple like this is really disrespectful to me
And so when we when we finish up and we're walking away
He's like dude that guy totally totally was hitting on me and basically asked me to go out
I'm like, are you fucking serious?
Like I want to go back and confront the guy like we're not gay, but you thought we were and fuck you for trying to steal my guy
Right, it was and he didn't find you attractive. Well, he wanted to bone Matt Matt. Yeah
Do you find that let me because you do I have seen um a couple of modern families and I know you want Emmys
And people have said to me like, you know that guy I go. Yeah, is he gay?
And I go because you're so good on that show as that guy
Is that weird out there or no? It was in the beginning a little bit, but do people ask you that all the time?
Yeah, I block anybody on it. I love blocking people on social media
So anybody that says are you gay in real life? I just block them because I think that's a completely inappropriate
Right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like if I was you're the person I'm gonna come out to
Right now. Yeah, you know what? Thank you so much for asking me Instagram
Fuck off. Yeah, fuck off. Yeah, it's not it's not an okay question
But at the beginning it was weird because you know like I never wanted to seem like I was
Ashamed of being gay. So like if I wanted to talk to a girl
I couldn't go up to a girl and be like, hey, just so you know, I'm not gay
And I think you're really cute like I would never say that because that would imply that I would care if you thought I was
Or that there was something wrong with being gay. So yeah, it was a little bit of a, you know, you're right that I am an average
you know guy and
It was a
Deeper hole that I already had to kind of dig myself out of because I'm funny and charming and it takes a minute for
That to wash over a girl. They're not just deciding that I want to bone that guy purely based on his looks
You know, so I had a little bit more of a challenge in the beginning, but I overcame it
I'm so fucking happy for you. Are we done? No, I just wanted to say that. Oh
But I think that
I like sort of gay guys. I mean like I like men with you have a little yeah a little bit. Yeah
I like fluidity. I I find that attractive. Yeah. I and the point is is I'm
I'm confident enough of a man in my masculinity to not care if a girl thinks I'm gay
And it's unnecessary
It's a necessary even after a couple of days before I think he knows that I mean
Eric looks so angry everyone right now. Have you in high school? Yeah. I was younger. I mean, oh, I think I didn't know that
I don't think there's a soul that he doesn't want to tell that story too. I think I didn't know it's freeing to talk about it
Do you remember? You know, you want to hear something funny that I've always
Laughed at and been embarrassed of at the same time
Of an experience you and I had together
So one time I went down to San Diego to watch you do comedy at the comedy store down there
Oh, yeah, and David tell was like the the the main guy there
That night like he was the whatever you call it the headliner. Yeah, whatnot
And I didn't know like again. I'm not in the stand-up world
So I didn't know David tell was like a slayer of comedy
I just thought he was a comedian and was gonna get up and do a show
Yeah, and he was out back and you guys were kind of talking out back and he was smoking a cigarette
And he was ready to go in and I went hey, man. I don't have a great show
You know just
Being nice and he I'll never forget it and it's a great fucking line. He goes. Thanks old timer
Oh my god, it was the fucking best I was like
Yeah
Not how I meant it, but that was fucking incredible. Yeah
Yeah, you know, yeah, because back then they'll be he wasn't that big then
But he was you you really respected him. I was already in high school. I mean, I I love I mean, I fucking loved him
And I didn't know
Him as like what he was, you know
A few years later. He had a show ABC and told him to pick up my pilot
Uh, what is it called again spilling up together?
What do you play I play I'm Oliver Hudson's best friend in it. Oh adorable
How do you do in it? You were always worried about your acting with me. You would always tell me that you
I still do I have city admissions. Mm-hmm. I was I just I just go because I do some love too on Netflix. I always go
Shut hates me. You know, that was a terrible day. Yeah, but you wouldn't be there if that was true
I understand. I know I just I there's something that I bother myself. I have to confront you right and Mike, you know
You have to be careful at some point at some point people. I'm sorry. Go ahead. It's just a self-fulfilling prophecy at this point
I know I know
So that's all I know and the other danger you really get into
Yeah
With so many people in our business is you really run the risk of people just thinking you're a narcissist and want attention all the time
That's true
We talked about this last week. You know who does that says that about me
Whitney Cummings. She's probably not wrong. She's like you're a narcissist. I'm fucking tired of you saying shit like that
Yeah, you just want constant
But I've known you long enough to know that it is a real it's it's it's somewhat based in reality
And a lot of fear and a lot of like traumatic auditions that you
Just listen what?
I swore to fucking god. I know that I'm getting better
You mean because I I know but just listen to one of them
I know that in this pilot that I do well really. Yeah, I know that yeah because because you're doing little you're doing less
No, I'm just like more. I'm listening and I'm doing more of that's what I mean. Yeah. Yeah, you're doing less
Yeah, and I'm being in the scene and they really love what I'm doing and I know that I'm doing a good job
Who directed this?
Um, my friend Dean
I didn't test for it. You just got it. Yeah, see
Yeah, so many actors and people and performers that are listening to this podcast and you come, you know, not complaining
but you expressing your
Worry and your fear of not being good. You can't couple that with I didn't
Audition or test for it. Those two things don't jive because that's when people that have real struggles in our business check
I know all right. I get it. Yeah
All right, I would have changed
No, you're not I am
Change clothes
We're at out over 50. Okay, good. Well, now this is what happens now
Is that mean the show's over? No, we go to one last thing. We have an email
Ask us a question. But hold on just a minute. How long could you good do this with me? Like how you guys could probably go on for hours
for both of you
The longest we ever went was probably an hour 20 minutes with who?
Maybe jordan peel jordan peel. Wow
What I mean someone wants to break the record. What do you mean?
I'm just saying here's why I do it that way though
And I know the people listening right now go. How come you always say, um, are we well?
What time we're at because we want to hear two hours
I I always believe less is more like therapy session
Yes, and I believe that when I do anything
I try to compact the thing
With as much entertainment
Within a small amount of space. Yeah, but how do you know an hour and 20 with me isn't gonna be
But you know, you don't seem exhausted in this episode this your your energy smash you have a frenetic energy you're calm
So it it can go on for a while and you have two people with
He can be frenetic too
Right, I give what I get
Oh
So you're get you're good right now because I'm giving good
No, I'm saying that I am able to match my scene partner like if I can
You know decide what what wow the person needs. Wow
So you're you're at a high level right now. No, no, I'm I'm
I'm right here in the middle because right it's your show
So it's my show would be different
You ever gonna do a podcast? No
It's for us four people
No, it's not that's not why I wouldn't know what he meant, baby. No, no, but I'm that's what I meant. Yeah
That's what I yeah, no, I wouldn't I wouldn't do it because
Why I never did stand like stand up in that
I
Don't know that I have the the energy and passion to be good at hosting a weekly podcast and I don't want to just
Start saying I'm gonna do a podcast now because I'm on a show
I respect people but Eric. Well, I swear to fucking God
I know that you could do it do what?
A podcast or stand up because you have the kind that kind of point of view
You know what add information people are always surprised by how angry I am in real life. That's the one thing
I'm I'm constantly competing against my character. Yeah, because my character is really fun and nice and I'm I'm
I'm nice, but I have a more of an angry point of view in life and it really yeah, you're edgier
I was telling them like he's a little edgy he can you know, but I don't think that I've been very nice
No, you're great tonight. I've been very nice
You you did this, you know me and this is the death of very nice
I want to see the raid
Have you been in a fist fight before yeah, yeah, oh shit. Yeah, all right. I want to see the angry side
You don't have to be a little bit. He baby
You don't want to unleash it. I love angry people. They're my favorite. What do you want?
Oh, dude, I don't want anything sir. I'm fine
Uh, no when you were telling that story like I would have had a real conflict in that moment
I because I'm thinking two things. Where was everybody else when Ari Shafir was hitting you?
Because had I been with you that night, I would have gone fucking red light like I would have yeah
Yeah, that's always my question. But here's so
Natasha came to the store four months after that
Are you friends with her still? Yeah. Yeah, and Ari took a fucking glass of water with ice in it
I threw it at her threw it in her face and the shards of fucking ice one on her face
Oh my god
And then dove david off and brian callan were there and they got up and they fucking put you know what I mean start put
It was like, you know, but they weren't there when I got beat up
I had steve run a zizzy. You know what I mean? I'm plugging the phone
Who's friends with both? So he's like, I don't know what to do. I don't know who that person is
He was in the league
Okay, yeah
I'm glad I'm so glad you said that too
Well, I might if I saw him. I don't need the question. What's the question?
I'd hope for advice with barbie kalilah at seven inches of stone
Six and three course for kalilah for kalilah purposes
I am a nine-year-old girl in canada and I have recently been diagnosed with ass burgers
It has been extremely hard to wrap my head around it and accept
I've always felt different
But now I feel like I have a huge label across my head saying autistic
Having ass burgers helps me realize why I've never been good at making connections to other people
That being said, I have never had any romantic connections
Just from the lack of social skills and extreme social anxiety
My question is how should I go about getting out there in the dating world?
I feel so behind of all my peers in this aspect and other aspects in life
And if when do I start dating how and when do I go about the subject of my diagnosis?
My name is Anna
How old?
She is 19 years old
Oh, what's ass burgers?
I wasn't aware that ass burgers was still a diagnosis actually. I thought it was just, uh, autism
Oh, she's a huge spectrum
Is that an extreme spectrum?
Yeah, it can go from anything from low function very functional, which are like you
A little bit. Yeah
Are people who are absolutely no communication skills at all. So it's a very wide range
Of course, and she's probably very bright, you know
The other the other side of the spectrum is obviously the savants who are I think the answer to anybody that's like looking for some sort of romance
These days is online dating. I just I think that really is there's no stigma to that anymore and
You know put your you just got to put yourself out there
You have to make the decision to get yourself out there and that is the easiest way to get yourself out there
Yeah, and I don't think that you should lead with that insecurity. There it is. You have it you own it and you know
Doesn't define you. Yeah, it doesn't and it's it's it's not a hindrance either. It can be also if she if I'm a kalayla and
She goes I have ass burgers. I go. What is it and she'll tell me I don't think that it would make me feel weird
I mean, I have I sometimes I do think I fall under the spectrum
I have a lot of like eye tics and I I blink anxiously a lot. I have severe
I have weird things about me and tics that
I mean the shit that I do I have tics too, baby
Okay, I gotta get going
That's a good podcast
Just a check. Yeah, we have problems. Okay. What's the other question? Oh, okay. Uh, so that's what you do, Anna
I like questions more
Questions are good. Uh, so I'm 17 years old and I have herpes. I don't know how to deal with it
Okay, I'm gonna finish that one. I like that one. I like that one
I don't know how to deal with it any advice on how to communicate with people that I might be with in the future
What is herpes?
Okay, it's a virus that lives either. I know what it is. I'm pretty sure you're familiar
Yeah, please don't say that because then that she has it. Yeah
I have a lot. You know what I always say
to girls
Can you get more herpes?
Yeah
Well, that's good. Yeah
Can you? I mean, you can have hsv one, which is like not the very
Obvious or painful reoccurring ones throughout your whole life. That's like the ones in your mouth
Which you can also get down there. They're the out the the outbreaks are not as like intense
But you know, they have super aids, but then they have hsv too, which really you've heard of super super aids
I've never heard of that. Yeah, it's a good drink. Is that real? Yeah super aids. I think I heard it. Well hiv
I did I think I heard it. Yeah. Yeah Jesus christ, but um herpes
You know who doesn't have surprise?
Eight out of ten people by the time they're a certain age probably have the virus
Inside of them whether or not it chooses to
You know show itself
So, yeah, so that's the statistic
What's your name?
Harmony
Are you a herpy harmony? Yes
Are you
Latino? Yeah
You know on the herpy thing, I mean
Transparency is always 100% the best policy in anything you'll ever come along within your life the conversation
um
Of admittance will be much less difficult than the conversation of
Uh
What's the word guilt? Yes, you know when you when something's found out
I mean you just got to start with it and it's it's super common like it's
Very common and you's protected. You know, you're gonna protect yourself. You're 17
Don't know that you should even be doing it yet. Anyway
Living an honest live star is always the like I know a lot of comics that fuck around
Really they fuck around behind their wives back or whatever and I
I
I do say I go dude. It's kind of come back
Catch up
Yeah, I don't know why you live like that and you're in a lot of these guys are doing well
I always say you want to be the train
Excuse me. I always say you want to pull a train. God damn it. I didn't
I always say you want to be the engine on the train and not the caboose
You want to be driving the situation and not being drug along in the wake of it? Yeah
Yeah, so that's a good note to end on her piece. Her piece is a good note. Yeah
Eric you want to you know, you don't have to plug anything. You have a movie coming out or
I have a couple tv shows. Have you seen the toy box the show that I'm doing on abc?
When does this air? When's this gonna be on tomorrow night? Oh, so the toy box is on friday nights on abc
That's and that's an example of how I've recently had to realize that
Uh, I'm competing against my own character that I play on tv because I'm hosting the show as myself
And the reason I'm hosting the show the reason I even said yes to doing it was because it was an opportunity for me to
Sort of be my dry, you know sense of humor with people but people watch the show and it'll be like
Uh, I like Eric Sosary as an actor, but not as a host and it's because they don't know my personality
Yeah, but you're so fucking funny as a person. I don't really rarely
I know that you're killing it on that channel, but I only know you as a naturally
Intrinsically funny guy. That's legit. That's a honestly a big big compliment from for me from you
I really do mean that yeah, because I've always felt like there's like I went to a funnier die party after modern family was on
And I did feel like because I'm on in like a network television show and I'm on that and it's you know, like
It gets good ratings and wins awards that somehow I'm not in the cool comedy club
We talk about this all the time
The alternative comment. I'm gonna tell you something right now. Yeah, and I promise you this
We all
Want to be where you're at. I told her when I booked this pilot
I just said we might get invited to the party
Because I've been to the party
Right, I think it's the club right right you're in the club and let me tell you something right now. There is a difference
You're at a level that's completely different untouchable untouchable
But I did feel like I felt like the senior in like it I was made to I and it was again on me because
Most people in the your world don't know me as
Stand up because I wasn't or as an improviser because you know, how many people saw me improvise for 12 years, you know
So I I felt like
That the comedy people don't look at me as a comedy guy
They just look at me as a guy that got lucky and is now on a network
All right, like let me ask you this Jordan Peele. Do you know him? Yeah, did you know him before you did modern family?
Of course. Yeah, he's legitimate. Yeah 100 keegan. Yes, you knew him hilarious
Yeah, I mean there's a list of people that are
Killing it right now that already know
That what you can do and who you were and you didn't need modern family
To get have them have that opinion of you. Yeah, right? So shut the fuck up. Well, no, but you know what I mean about the
I get it comedy club. I know and I I've always you know, I've always hated them. Let me say this
I've been doing stand-up for 20 years. I've never been in the Montreal comedy festival
Really? Yeah, and it's like at some point you don't have to go
I'm not
But it's fine. Yeah, but it's fucking fine. It's fine. But you're you're so you're an improviser
So let me tell you the main the main thing real quick and then I'll let you guys go. Sorry. I'm talking now
No, so here's something that I've noticed about comedy is it used to be when I was in Chicago and starting off there at the
Improv olympic and I would talk to guys that were had been improvising for a long time
You would go out under the street and the climate at I.O. Is that that's just bits galore
And you just you're standing outside smoking a cigarette drinking water doing whatever it is and it's bit bit bit bit
And everyone says yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes, and you just do the bit and you have no idea
What's going to come from that bit usually nothing sometimes something
Now what I feel like is is you'll be around like let's say a couple I.O. Guys like guys like me and perform on beer shark mice
And those those guys that will just jump in and do bits
You'll be around doing bits and then add a little of the cool guy comedy club in and the cool guy
Comedy is sitting back and thinking like well, I'm going to judge the bit first
And I'm going to decide whether I think the bits funny
Yeah, and then I'm going to jump into the bit. Yeah, and I'm going to kill the bit
That's what it that's what it feels like
Where the whole spirit of improv and what the beauty of I.O. Is is
Is bits just are that they're bits and you say yes to them. Yes with no judgment. Yeah
That's what I feel like
To me the difference is is is there's judgment where there didn't used to be
Yeah, but also those people that judge the horse they they can't pay right
So uh
Why that's how you end the podcast
Hey, have you ever been over to salute like baby?
Oh
That's a prime real estate. There's no farts going on over there. They have a poquito moss there. I like they sure do
We can put a poquito moss in my bag
You would never betray me in that way. I would never. I know you willian
So baby and no norwood vagina of a chalala. Oh my god. I like that. She said, uh
Maybe you've said this before on the podcast that you have a shallow vagina
Very shallow vagina, which is good for you. This relationship works really well. It's so good real good
Sometimes I hit the half for the ball. Yeah all the way halfway. No, I don't hit the wall. I go halfway though
Yeah, yeah
Anyway, uh, thank you, Eric for coming by
We'll be right back guys with cleaning house and we're back eric stone street. What a guy. I like him. I like him a lot
I can't believe how long they've known each other. Yeah
It's like since the late 90s. I think she's so many commercials. Hell, yeah
Bobby used to tell me he's like he's the absolute king of commercials
No, I feel like his luck too and just how funny he is for sure books all the time. Yeah, it made sense
That's really good. Um advice that he gave about like going into like commercial auditions
You just got to not give a fuck and then they give a fuck about you. Yeah
Yeah, because I think that um, you do sense that like that sense of desperation is really off-putting
If I was a casting director and I somebody just hits it perfectly and they're like, it's really great to meet you
I'd like me. I get the fuck out of here. I can't do that. I need someone with a little bit of uh
Like rough around the edges where I can see. Hmm. Okay. He wasn't perfect, but I can see it going there
That was like definitely me in Chicago because I didn't know and I was coming with big smell
Hey, Gilbert like the fucking fake boys. Yeah. Yeah, and I realized like no callbacks and as soon as I started being like
Hey, what's up guys? Just chill. Yeah, it's like, oh normal person
Here's a callback for being a just a fucking normal person. You know, that's why steve lee
He's because that's him has booked so many commercials
It's because steve lee genuinely doesn't care
And he just goes in and he's like, I don't want to fucking be here, but I'm gonna do it
And he always gets a callback that makes sense
I've thought about going into auditions just for that just for that reason, but then I'm scared. I'd get a callback
It's just me for the experience of like not giving a fuck. Yeah, and then as soon as I got a callback for something big
I'd be like, oh, oh, shit. Oh, I'm
Because after a while, let's say you get a callback. It's hard not to care at that point
Then you're like, okay, I got it. I want to do better. That's what I'm trying to fix now
It's the callback because the first one like I'm probably not gonna get it
Get the callback then that's when the nerves kick in then you're trying too hard. Yeah, that's good advice. Yeah
Um, so hey guys, um, I want to take a moment to thank everybody that came out to our live show
Oh, yeah, um last thursday. It was an absolute blast. Um
I
I got to meet most of you
I think and um, it was everybody was just super cool super nice super impressive
And I want to say that I love you guys everybody that I did meet
And um, it was a nice night. Yeah, thank you for that super super nice
And um for those who didn't make it to this show, don't worry. We'll have um several more in the future
And they'll be bigger and better. Get ready for a Europe tour
And thank you to everybody who helped out. Uh, you know who you are. So I appreciate you. That's right
I also want to take a moment to
Uh, give a shout out to our two great interns johnny
And and gustavo who put in a lot of work for that night
And to anabelle and to johnna and george and well bobby just re-entered the room and omar was just there
Yeah
Yeah, omar and rustle were there in case in case I needed extra help and so guys, uh
We the black shirts are sold out on our website. We only have a handful of the white shirts left
So if you had been keen on grabbing the slept king shirt do it now because we are running low
Gustavo job bobby just decided to jump back on the mic. It's weird having you there
I think we should have this new setup. We use it there johnny gustavo
Oh, that'd be fun with someone. Who are they? Yeah, those are interns
You know, bobby any thoughts on the live show?
Yeah, the what the live show what happened?
You were there the live show bobby all our fans like last thursday. That was a wonderful times
It was a really good times. You know, I mean, I don't know. Um, I shouldn't have got naked. That was weird, but um
You live in your learn
You live in your learn. Um, let's do some ads. Yeah
Uh, so yeah guys, make sure you follow us on uh, instagram at tiger belly
God, when I eat I love to eat
On twitter at the tiger belly and email us any questions at the tiger belly at blue apron gmail.com. So, yeah
Whenever I shoes I go to shoes
She's not doing ads right now, babe. We already did them. We already did them 15% off frame bridge
Go to frame bridge dot com and remember the promo code is belly. All right. We'll see you guys later. Bye
Bye
Hang on. We're not done. Oh, sorry
Look, I need to plug bobby's dates. Oh, yeah, go ahead. Um, okay. Hang on. Let me pull up my list before I um
I forget I'm so irresponsible. Come on. Kalei. You're better than this
Okay, guys, if you want to go see bobby do stand up, he will be at hilarities in cleveland june 1st to the 3rd
parlor live in seattle or in belview june 8th through the 10th
Comedy zone in charlotte. That's north carolina, right?
june 22nd to the 24th
Tempe, arizona june 20 to the 22nd and salt lake city july 28 through 29th
I um for I haven't updated his site yet
Um, but I will so for more dates go to bobbylee live dot com. I'm gonna be in morocco doing um
comedy club
in august
All right, that's our show guys. All right guys. See you next week
Okay
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