TigerBelly - Episode 91: Lemonade, Lemonide

Episode Date: May 17, 2017

Slept King goes corporate. Koloko misses the kisses. We talk race wars, Goonies 2.0, and thirteen insect headsSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Hey Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad-free on Amazon music download the app today You You Check it out five four three two one Welcome to the park and I'll come to talk you will say what strap in where the pony Okay, don't be gay Hey now welcome to another episode of Tiger Belly. I'm your sheriff in town and we got my little deputy here Kalilah and we got um this one right here

tumbleweed feel so at home right now tumbleweed you know me and we got right here is a little vermin a little vermin here hi I'm a vermin yeah we got a little room and I got some good news guys what's that I don't have diabetes oh I think I have it but no well no the good news is that the sitcom that I did the pilot got picked up as a series you know maybe talk about it a bit a win for Papa is a win for all win for the team Oliver Hudson isn't it have we talked about this already yeah a long time he's on he's on in Nashville right that show that you like yeah and he's also Kate Hudson's brother very he's a

funny white dude handsome to Jenna Fisher is the coast lady lady in it the office he's from the office really nice lady very talented shy about this and then I'm on it it's a family show and I cannot act the way I do you know like you know I can't I even when I'm on the set or whatever I have to think this is Coca-Cola corporate you cannot say the things you want to say right now so I'm constantly walking around going don't say I know you see a Mexican guy like craft service but don't say what you you're gonna say don't throw it all there's a black you know I mean PA guy don't do look at a couple of Asians

they're working Bobby don't do nothing don't do urban Bobby this is what I say I go good morning and they go good morning how are you pretty good bye and I go about my day it's constant editing your shirt Tucker now yeah and I show up on the set they go and I go you want to rehearse I rehearse I do the lions or whatever and you do it and then you go get in your trailer you shut your fucking mouth and then when they say you're good to go home I get in my car and I say fucking gook to yourself yeah to myself and because it's all that pent up you know things so I don't I'm you know this is a job it's a family show and let's

just do it well I have to do it yeah I signed a thing contractually yeah so Thursday night you know because you when you you go on deadline and variety to see if what got picked up and it had a first thing it had ABC picks up Zach Raff show picks up so on and so all these shows three comedy three comedies and no and then the next article is American Idol is moving over is there they're renewing that American Idol but they're moving from Fox to ABC put a squeeze so they're not gonna pick up as many as they thought they would and they shot 12 11 or 12 comedy pilots and only three or four we're gonna get

picked up now because of American Idol right so that was the next article we wrote and we were like over it's over right it's over you're gonna go through your grieving process yeah because it's like they're impossible to fucking get these things to get one is a miracle didn't it get on one that's gonna go on is a double it's like winning two lotteries in a row and the third one staying on oh my god right so you know so Thursday night I went through a grieving process but then you know my agent called and said on late late late night Thursday night goes it's not over I go why because they're gonna go is

because it's Warner Brothers that made it and they're doing some sort of negotiation or whatever so we don't know yet agent so the next day I woke up still no news and I had to wait till seven and then we found out it was a tough Friday how'd you find out they called me my agent goes so my agent calls and then he goes I have some bad news I go what is it and he goes you know you know the shows good you know creativity creative leads good but you know sometimes business can and then I can hear my manager in the background laugh and I knew that he was kidding around I almost fired him right then

in there but then but then you know the one thing I wanted to go do was the upfronts and I wasn't invited he didn't get to go to the club guys I didn't get to go to the club and I was talking about you didn't get to peek your head in once and go they won't even let me even by the door you know they said nope we're gonna only have Oliver and Jenna no extras and no extras and I'm like all right we'll see we'll see but so that's cool I guess you know right or no it's corporate it's corporate comedy but what am I gonna do you're a part of something right that's cool your bills like last year you know what I knew when

I Jeff Ross did one Jeff Ross did a pilot for I think CBS or ABC and he did a network pilot yeah I did Jeff Ross yeah wow he was at one or two years ago and when he did it I'm like cuz he's cool you know and I'm like oh even he's doing it I guess everyone wants to kind of get in their foot wet you know I know it's not punk rock it's not punk rock but you know you give what you when you have a lemonade you make lemon I'd lemonade when you make lemon no when you make lemon when you when you get what's it the I'm gonna when you get lemonade you add cyanide now what is it when you get lemon just let me fucking do it

bump bump bomb hoping what up I'm gonna bump bump bump bump bump bomb yeah when you get lemons you make lemonade rightamm floor roles many lemonade yeah Yeah. What happens when you get an orange? Lemonade. Still. You still get a lemonade. Yeah.

So that's that. And then, um. Yesterday was very, a very peculiar day. Yeah. Full of ups and downs. And I couldn't make sense of the way I felt. Yeah. First, because we were still holding our breath,

hoping that Bobby would get invited to the up fronts in New York. So we said, OK, let's go over to Melrose to Paul Smith and buy you a suit. Right. So we go over to Melrose. OK, but mind you, everyone listening, I don't have one. I was going to ask you.

You've never had a suit? I know how to do a tie. But I don't know how to have one. He doesn't have a suit. I never get invited to anything cool. So what about like a wedding? You would. I'm not going to find it.

I don't get married. Did you see what he wore at a wedding I took him to? No. Oh, he wore jeans. I wore raw denim. Plenty of snot. Converse. Converse.

You know what I mean? You go to American Apparel, get a button up. And you get one of them ties from over at American Apparel. That's fine. Which is $5, right? And you look good. But I'm like, you know what? I'm going to break down and buy a suit.

So we go to what? Paul. Paul Smith. Paul Smith. Pink building on Melrose. Oh, that building. Right, that building. Super fancy.

So you have 1,000 Japanese dudes in the front taking photos against the wall. Bloggers. Always Asians, yeah. A bunch of fucking, you know, it was like the cast of Pearl Harbor there. It's the reunion. Yeah.

And I walk in and I go, oh. They seem to have really nice stuff here. And you know, I didn't ask how much it is. Thank God we didn't buy the pants. Oh, I know. No fucking shit. We only got a jacket and a tie. So I go, maybe I'll get a jacket.

So when you think you're a jacket, right? To me, a jacket, $1.50. Sure, no, that's the top. For me, that's, yeah. Tie. $30. Yeah. You think of material.

It's cloth. It's not that much, right? And it looks OK, but nothing fancy, a shirt. So I go to the front and he rings it up. $1,000. And you know what he says to me? He goes, my card can't handle it. Give me your card.

Yeah. So I was like, oh, no, I did handle it. But thank God. But here's the thing. My backup. I was like, just use my card. Because, you know, I had IRS problems. Yeah.

My guy goes, you can't spend a lot. So I don't, because he said that. He said that seven years ago. So I don't really go buy things. Sure. And if I buy things, I'll get comedy store checks. And I'll buy clothes with it. But they don't know about it.

It's shadow money. Shadow money. Now it's to the world. So then that happens. OK, only a tie and a jacket. And it was $1,000. Over $1,000. How much are there?

Imagine if we got pants. Oh, my God. $2,000. Yeah. It's beautiful, though. I don't know. If you say so. He doesn't know anymore.

Yeah, if you say so. Yeah. But the guy was nice. The guy was really nice. So we get out of the store. We're like, OK, in our heads, we think Bobby's going to New York. That's what he wants, right?

We've got the suit. They're going to alter it. We'll pick it up on Monday. And then we'll fly straight to New York, right? Right, guys. So we're like, you know what? Let's go in. Yeah, I got high fives in that store.

Yeah. We are. That's how we felt. We were on a high. And then we're going to go to her store to get her a dress or whatever, right? It was a whole thing. Yeah.

And so my dress was like 50 bucks. 50 bucks, yeah. Cheap. Cheap. Yeah. And goodwill. And so we're like, why don't we go eat at Connie and Ted's? Let's splurge and have expensive seafood.

Yeah. We got some uni. We had a whole tray of oysters. You know, I had a halibut. And so we're at the oyster bar. They're sitting at the oyster bar. And always at the oyster bar, there's like, if there are Mexicans there or Asians,

they generally kind of sometimes know me. Yeah. They'll go, hey, you know what I mean? So that's what happened. And he goes, you. We're on a high. He goes, yeah, we're on a high. We're happy at this point.

Are you allergic to anything? To me, I go, no. We're not allergic to anything. We're allergic to everything. Everything, right? So he goes, take these. They're oyster shots. Shots, OK.

Yeah, oysters. So I give one to. Tomato, lemon. Yeah, lemon. You know, oyster in it. I give one to her. And we took the oyster. And as soon as I swallowed it, I had this burning sensation

in my chest. And I go, that was like a shot of whiskey. It was vodka. Oh, my God. He didn't let us know that it was actually like a non. It was an alcoholic oyster shooter. Yeah. And I think they're supposed to tell you,

because it was compliments. You know, he was a compliment from the chef. Take these oyster shooters. But usually I can tell if it's an alcoholic one. I didn't even really taste it. But when we asked him, I was like, hey, was there alcohol in here? No, no, no. Because I guess I haven't drunk.

OK, I've been sober for 15 years. Oh, my God. OK. So I haven't had it in my body. But when I feel it, you just know it instantly. I just thought it was vinegar. I was like, that was delicious. So full of you know.

And the reason why I knew it was alcohol, because I wanted to shoot heroin right then and there. Damn. Oh, my God. And so he turned. I opened. I turned to her. We looked and the guy goes, yeah, there's alcohol in there.

And I turned to Bobby. And I turned pale. Because I don't know what to do in those situations. I feel like, is that a relapse? Like, do we go to an AA meeting right now? Like, I forgot. I don't know him that way. She said, call your brother.

Like, Mike's like, Steve knows anything. I panicked. I don't. I want to always. Your sobriety means a lot to me. Yeah. So for you to have taken a shot of vodka in front of me. Oh, my God.

Was frightening for me. Yeah. Because I don't know what's going to go from there. I don't know if you're going to feel a buzz. And then to ask the guy for 10 more shots. And I can't control you. It doesn't work that way. But it doesn't work that way.

10 more oyster shots and lemonade, please. Yeah. Lemonade. Lemonade. OK, here's what it is, though. The reason why I know it's not a relapse, because it's an accident. That's one thing.

But if I did this, if I said, if I didn't tell Kalyla there's alcohol, and they looked at him and I go, hey, dude, give me 10 more of those. Right. Because I didn't taste the alcohol. Because you didn't taste it. There's tomato stew. And I knew there was alcohol.

But like, I wanted to sneak it in. That's a relapse. So yeah, I took it. I go, OK, that's alcohol. But then it's like, I could feel in my body and it did feel good. There is a sense of, there is. There's a sense when you drink alcohol, when you haven't had it, that warmth, it just feels so good.

I was screaming at him, call your sponsor now. Yeah. And all that stuff. But I said, we're fine. Yeah, because I called your brother later that day, because I was still feeling like unsettled by it. Yeah. And I was like, hey, just so you know,

he accidentally took a oyster shot with alcohol. And he was like, oh, that's not a relapse, Kalyla. And I don't worry, because I did that, I guess Steve accidentally was fed, like, alcoholic, some type of, I don't know, it was rum in a food or a drink, but something, something. But that happened to you before, right? Yeah, yeah. So a couple years ago, I was with Joe Coy.

And we were pitching a show together. And it was an Asian variety show. What? Yeah. Me, Joe Coy, and we're going to have like, we pitch it like, there's like oil slides. And we're, we're in like, underwear. I mean, Crystal Lea and Eliza Schlesinger or whatever.

We're sliding down, doing games. It's just, you know, you play games with the audience, and it's very Japanese, you know what I mean? Oh, OK, OK. Where you have that thing and you try to put the hanging marshmallow or whatever, and the rubber bands on your face. Yeah. That whole thing, right?

And no one bought it, but we were pitching it together. And our producer was this guy named Robert Morton. Robert Morton, he produced the Letterman back in the 80s, 20 years of it. And in fact, he was on it a lot. So he's a cool, I mean, I just was excited that Robert was doing our show. And we were at Hugo's, which is a restaurant.

And he had seen me do a vape pen with, you know, just tobacco. I used to vape a lot. And so he goes, check out my new vape. And I go, oh, that's cool. He's like, you want to try it? I go, yeah, yeah. And he went to the bathroom. So I just picked it up and I did it.

It was marijuana. Oh, fuck. Right? And then when he came back, I started getting to high. Right? And I looked at him, I go, dude, was there a fucking pot in there? He goes, yeah, that's what you use it for. Like, why would you smoke tobacco out of that?

I don't know. Good point. That is a good point. Yeah, that was a good point. It was a very good point. But I go, I call my sponsor. He goes, go home, lay down. You got a free high.

And just, it was an accident. What about that time you accidentally took the whiskey? I don't want it to call him out. Oh, just, dude, I don't have to name the person, just. Oh, wait, this is a fucked up thing. This one's fucked up. This is really fucked up. When I first got sober, I was with a lot of people

from MAD TV and a lot of their friends. And this is actors and people that we know, right? And we were at a bar. And I was three, two years sober. And one of the actor's friends, who's an actor, walks up to me and goes, hey, Lee, what do you want? I go, get me a Diet Coke, please. He knows I'm sober.

And he ordered a Jack and Coke. And he gave it to me. And I drank it. And obviously, you could feel the alcohol. I go, dude, this is Jack and Coke, and he laughs. That's so fucked up. You know what I mean? And I was like, I said, I don't want to say you want it.

Do you know what I mean again? The next time I say it, hit me in the fucking arm. Now slap my arm as hard as you can, all three of you. And I was livid. That's not fucking funny. I was like, I could die. He's like, sorry, you're so sensitive. He's one of those guys.

And I was driving down the street the other day, and I saw him on a billboard for a show. And it always reminds me when I see him. He's a nice guy. But I saw him on the billboard, I'm like, oh, I remember that. I remember that. Yeah, so it's happened three times. So after he took that shot yesterday,

after we took that oyster shot. And I mean, I guess I didn't want to admit to him. But I guess I felt a buzz, too. And he felt a buzz, and we were looking at each other. You guys were drunk. And we were like, wait, this is so, it's so weird that I always am kind of superstitious. And I'm kind of, when something good happens,

I always think something bad is going to happen. So I'm always very scared that, oh god, the show got picked up. Now he's going to relapse, and everything's just going to, it's all downhill from here. And then three minutes after he took the shot, he got a phone call from his agent and who said, you're not invited to New York.

So I was like, is he going to order another shot? Yeah, yeah. Oh man. It got weird. It got really weird. What you just said right now, though, like when something good happens, something bad's going to happen.

I don't feel that way, because something bad already happened. Which is? I was born with this body. So whenever something good happens, like already, the bad thing already happened. It's good. Yeah, I was born with it.

No, what's talking is my anxiety. That's an anxious mind. Somebody who just can't accept things for what they are, there's got to be a price to pay somehow. Like, who do I pay for this good time? The price is my life. You know, like, be getting molested and getting beat by my dad

and all the things that happened and the struggles of me crawling. Dude, I'm going to say this, and this is going to sound fucking arrogant, but when good things like this happen, I don't think, oh, I mean, there is a part of me that's like, I'm lucky. Oh, cool.

But it's like, it's not as if it happened randomly. I was, I mean, I've been working at it for over 20 years. No, you deserve this, sweetie. Yeah, I feel like there is a part of me that's like, you know what, you're owed every once in a while a cool job, you know, but I'm grateful. Don't get me wrong. I am, but I, you know,

what was a better feeling than getting the show? What? Running into that fan a week before. That gave me a bigger high. That got me a bigger high. Yeah, you said it reminded you of like bumping into Eddie Murphy. Yeah, it was like bumping into Eddie Murphy.

So I got two good highs in the last couple of weeks. Wow, three, including the vodka. With the vodka, too. We got three good, three highs for me. All for free, guys. And I'm not gonna get revenge on Stevo because he canceled on us today. He didn't cancel.

What happened? He rescheduled for 26. No, we have so, we're so busy. Let me say something right now. I understand he's, there's a scheduling conflict. He was in the books for a month, okay? I love the guy. He's a friend of mine.

He is a friend, but we have to make a precedent that if you cancel, you might not get on for another year. Nah, don't do that. I'll tell you why. Because I have Jeff Ross that wants to do it now. I've got so many people that want to do it. So it's, people have to get back in line. Paulie every day is texting me.

Mencia wants to do it. All these guys want to do it. So Theo Vaughn wanted to do it. I mean, so many people. It doesn't matter if we have space for Stevo to reschedule. We might, we don't have space. Yes, we do. Because we have all these people.

Oh my God, we're not that big. Stop making it out like we're just. Don't cancel on me. We're not Mark Maron, Katie. Don't cancel. Don't fucking do it. I was excited, Steve. Fuck.

He's on his way to the Philippines right now. For what reason? To probably work or do good things for the world. What kind of job is he having in the Philippines? What he's going to tack himself to a palm tree. And there it is. He's going to put dynamites in a coconut and like, you know what I mean?

Run with it. What's he going to do there? That could be a real thing actually. I don't know. He probably has a show there. People love him out there. Do you know what? How big Stevo is in the Philippines?

Jackass and the Wild Boys. Yeah, huge. Oh, I bet. I bet, yeah. They love that shit. He's a universal success, Stevo. He is a universal success. That's why he can reschedule anytime he'd like.

He can do whatever he wants to. I'm sorry, take it back. I just, I was, because I have some stories with him. Oh, save him, save him, save him. I'm going to save him, but I'm going to say that I have some stories with him, you know? And I was excited about it, that's all. And I get hurt.

But I can move on. Okay, let's move on to your newest crush. So, fuck, do we have to talk about it? Yes, Bobby says Tony Thornburg is not his number one anymore. Hey, Tony, Tony, if you're listening, you're fucking out, bro. He's number two now. Because I know you've been in LA a couple of times.

Has he? Has he really? Since I've announced that I have a crush on you, no coffee, nothing. Wow. So you're out, all right? My new guy is, you've heard of South Korea? We've heard of it.

You mean the country? Yeah, the country, dog. Okay, yeah, what's up, Bobby? What's up, man, country, bro? Yeah, okay. I got soul too, dog. Soul Korea, bro. I got soul too, bro.

You know? Anyway, dude, no, dude, they have a new president, right? Dude, he's got a bodyguard. Oh, that guy. The bodyguard. Yeah. Dude, it's like, he's got a man pussy. What do you mean?

What does that mean? He's got a dick, but to me, my eyes probably will, psychologically turned into a vagina. Oh, so like the balls turn to labia? Yeah. And the penis is the clearest. The next thing I know, I see vagina, but then I'm like eating it,

and then all of a sudden it's a dick in my mouth. Well, if you're eating. Well, you know what I mean? He's so hot. I said it again, hit me, hit me, hit me. Did he? I said, yeah, you don't know what I mean. Okay.

Young Jae Choi. That's his name. Young Jae Choi. Mr. Choi. Yeah. And people take photos of him, like half of his face around the corner of a room. Like people are like,

they don't give a fuck about the president. They're taking photos of this bodyguard. And he is cute as fuck. He is kind of Steven Younie, but thicker. Muscle. And more muscly. And probably very good with weapons. Think about it.

He looks like an assassin. Yeah. Ninja assassin. He's a real life assassin. You know he's got to be really good with, you know, martial arts or some type of like. Yeah. But don't you think that's distracting?

It's like, if I, there's a photo I saw where it was him and another bodyguard with the president. You know who I feel bad for? The other bodyguard. Like he just said, no one wants to take a photo of me. What? No one likes me? Yeah.

Cause he looks like, you know, a flat-faced gook like me, you know. But this other one, it's like, I don't think that I don't, if I was the president, I want my guys ugly. Oh, for sure ugly. Huge. I don't want anyone taking a photo of my bodyguard

and not me. What's that would that be? Right? Like you see cameras like pointed to your left, right? And you're like, oh my God, it's not on me. It's on, what's his name? Yang Jae Choi. Yang Jae Choi.

Hold on. Choi is his last name. Cause in Korean you say the last name first. Yeah, that's why I can't. So it's Choi Yang Jae. Choi Yang Jae. Yeah. Mixed Choi.

Yeah. Like Min is his last name. I mean, if you're that good looking, how do you even like? Cho Song-Wee is my favorite. Well, that's not true. Bobby, take it back. I take it back. But do it in your urban voice.

Yo, dog, I take it back. There. What? I got Seoul. Yeah. I got Seoul. Seoul, Korea. Oh, you are.

Yeah. Is that racism? What? When I do that? No, that got a little Southern. Because I do it though when I see my friends. What kind of friends? Like if I see like Ian Edwards with like Tony Rock.

Yeah, that's really awkward. I got Lissette. You know what I mean? And they play along. Yeah, obviously I haven't seen the movie Dear White People. I know, but I'm not white. I know, but it's like, it's like. OK, so can I give you guys an example?

Can I give you guys an example? I know there are sponsors that I really love Beachbody.com. I do, I do. This isn't an ad here. We're not beginning to pay this episode. But it's OK. So one of the main guys, he's the main guy on P90X and he does this hardcore one with just like military people,

right? And it's a great workout, but I always put it on mute and I just follow it. Because every time he sees a black guy, he kind of does what you do. We're just, what's up, my brother? And it makes me feel so awkward. But he's white though.

Tony Horton? Yeah, Tony Horton. Is he white? Is he white? He's white. Then it's weird. Then it's weird. OK, and he looks at a guy who's like a light-skinned black guy

and he always draws parallels. So he's like, oh, this is, what's the basketball player's name from the war golden state? Steph Curry? Yeah. This is Steph Curry's brother right here. And then he'll look at a light-skinned black woman like Michael Jackson.

What's up? Oh. And so I said, what's up? Nope. I love the workouts. I do them anyways, but I put them on mute because I can't, it makes me feel weird. Michael Jackson, what's up?

When people are oblivious to race in that way, like, when I'm at the spa and I run into Paulie, it's so dreadful. Yeah. Because you'll go, Chinese people, China. And you'll do that. That's good. And I'll go, dude, shut the fuck up.

Because, you know, there are Koreans there that you don't fuck with. You know, they have lots of money. They wear glasses at night at three in the morning indoors. You know, I mean, they're not fucking around. Yeah, yeah. And so when he does that, I have to go to chill. Because I just love Chinese people, dude.

It's like, don't say, I'm not Chinese. But like, he does that. And there's nothing I can do about it because he'll just stop. If I really get mad, I'm afraid, you know, there are consequences. You know, so I don't say anything. Is that cowardly of me?

No. A little bit, yeah. What do you mean? I think that you should have more, like, fiber in your being, more moral fiber to stand up for Asians as a whole. That's one fucking person. But if you say no to Holly, she'll just keep doing it.

You're absolutely wrong about that. I'll tell you why. Did I ever talk about Mitzi and what she did? With the Thai people? No, but the restaurant. I can't believe I'm telling the story. Please. But I'll just say it, OK?

I'll just walk around it. Go, go. So Mitzi said something to me that I was hurt my feelings. And I went to my AA sponsor at the time. And I was 23, 24. And I was going to meetings in San Diego a lot. And I walked up to him and I go, yeah, she really said this. It really hurt my feelings.

And he goes, what we have to do is you have to write the steps about it. You have to write down why you're resentful, do a column, and then also approach her and tell you how you feel about it and how that you have a resentment. And I go, I'm not doing that. That's a little excessive. And he's like, no, but you have to because I go, no, I don't.

Because that works anywhere else in the world except for her. She doesn't play by. She's one of the, it's like when I went to the airport once with Dice and he smoked inside the airport, he literally lit up a cigarette inside the airport. And I go, you're not supposed to do that. You're like, what are you going to do, Ching? You're going to tell me to put it out.

They're going to tell me to put it out. I'm like, all right, just smoke them. You know, like you don't, they just, they do what they want. You know what, you're in that sense, you're right. I guess if it was a different person, if it wasn't Polly, you would be like, hey dude, you can't say that to me. But he really is incorrigible. He is, he cannot be changed.

He can't be changed. He is who he is. And I love him and he started my career. Oh yeah. So call me Chinese. Call me Chinese, dude, every day, right? But what I'm saying though is, is that if I walk up to Tony Rock or whatever, whoever it is, right? And I go, what's that?

You know, and do that all of that. Just listen, all right? To me, it's not as bad as a white person doing it. George, can you try it? I'll say, what's up, Michael Jackson? Say that. Oh, yo, what's up, Michael Jackson? Oh, see, it's worse.

It's weird. It's weird, right? But you try. But here's why I believe, because we're on the same list as African-Americans on the KKK list. Oh, you guys, yeah, I pretty much. All right, so in their view, we're all one thing. Although we're like ninth on the list.

Yeah. It probably goes, who do you think in terms of the KKK? Jews is number one. Jews is number one, I think. Two is African-American. Oh, for African-Americans, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. Jews is number one.

They're on a lot of lists. Yeah. And then Asia. That's a very short list. It's a short, yeah, they're on a little lot of lists. But Jews, African-Americans, third is probably not, you know what? Latin.

Muslim, Middle Eastern. I think they're second. A religious, yeah. Yeah, I think that, they're probably number two. And then African-Americans are three. The four Latinos, for sure. Chewin, and five, there's not a lot. I think you break up the Asians,

because I think they're OK with the lighter-skinned Asians. But you show like the dots, no. I'm certain they don't know the difference between an Indian and someone from the Middle East. Oh, they don't. Yeah. Yeah, so Indians are fifth. And then we're probably sixth.

Oh, that means that Filipino's are seventh. No, Filipinos are. We're following their, like, we're basically black. Yeah. We're basically black and Mexican. We're a mix between. But if there was a race war, right now, and minorities collectively outnumber whites now, right?

If you put, yeah, yeah, we do. In all of America? I think in California. Yeah, in all of America, dude. In California, whites are definitely the minority. Yeah, California. Are they? I mean, just overall, like, they've been out.

They're not, they don't make up the majority. But listen, in a race war, I just suppose it's cut down the line, 50-50. I'm joining the Mexicans right now. No, but what I'm saying, I think that white people would still win that war, because they have access to weapons that we don't. What? Yeah, the government.

Who's? Oh, you mean in America? In America. Oh, OK. In a race war, in America. Positions, opposition. Right, and we were just, white people just were forced to be in war with minorities.

We would have crazy people. I mean, I would feel pretty good with the art side. We have the Latin gangs like MS-13, LK. We still get the Bloods and Crips. We still got some good people. Yeah, we got Tunaville. But they have Halliburton. They have access.

They have military, probably. Rothschild. What's Rothschild? Like the big banks and stuff. Yeah, they have a lot of things that we don't have. So I think that would be a really bloody war. It's a war that I don't want to see. We also have a system set up to keep minorities down.

So of course, we'd lose. We're already losing, even without the war. It's already a war. Because that, nah, dog. Yo, bro. So that, that war? You actually sounded urban and Asian. That war?

That war? That war is, but that war? Urban Asian, urban Asian. Yeah, that war is. Herb Asian. Herb Asian. A long war. It's a long war because we hide or hide in urban areas.

But it'd be difficult because we would, that would not be, that would be a 200-year war. We would go guerrilla warfare. Guerrilla warfare for sure. No uniforms. You don't know where we're coming from. Well, they know who we are by their faces. But here's where I find interesting, OK?

Because you're saying if there was a race war, I really do think we would at least recruit 75% of the white people in America, believe it or not. No, no, but let's, in the rule, you can't recruit. What do you mean you can't? It's just down the line. So George is out, can't be on our side. Let's say an alien race, for some reason, came down

and just put it in the minds of all whites. Like a game of game. Yeah, that you have to kill these minorities, right? So it's split down the middle. There's no recruiting, all right? Brainwashing. Because then, like, we could just, they would get, the whites would get a bunch of fat white chicks

to recruit black people. Thoughts. Thoughts. So, and then we'd be like, oh, fuck, we're gone. Yeah. We're dead. Yeah. So, um, right?

They don't know. I know, I know. He's big. Why would he has bait? That's their first strategy. And it's like, yo, Natron, where you going? Yeah, man, switching sides. His name is Natron.

Natron means, Natron means from the San Diego Chargers. I like that name, Natron. Natron. Natron, yeah, old dog. Natron is a great name. That's an awesome name. They got a lot of fat pussy, you know, whatever, and then he's gone.

And then they would probably get sugary drinks and tits to steal the Mexicans. Yeah, but what's the Asian bait? Oh, we're pretty. Dry fish. Hold on, here's fermented stuff. Yeah, fermented. No, I'll tell you why we don't have a bait.

Yeah. Because remember that Japanese soldier who was in the Philippines for 40 years, he thought that the war was still going on. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. World War II still, and he lived 40 years. He killed a bunch of Filipinos. Yeah.

And he refused to let the fucking war die. Wait, what? I don't know what this is. He didn't know that the war was over. He didn't know the war was over. And he had been living isolated like a hermit in like a cave or whatever. So he was just doing guerrilla warfare?

Yes, yeah, by himself. And then one day, I think somebody convinced him that the war was over, 40 years later, and he goes, oh, OK. And he went back to Japan. Yeah. They let him go after that? After? Well, you know.

This is not real. Yeah, look him up. I'm not sure your story is accurate. I'm going to look him up. I think it is. No, I think. OK. While you guys talk, talk.

I was like, I had to prove my point. I didn't know. Well, OK, bye. You've only killed half our country by yourself. Yeah, yeah. If it is during warfare, it's OK. So maybe? Yeah.

I don't know. I mean, there's a good chance it's probably true, George. I have heard some version of this story, but I don't know if his account is accurate. It sounds like the Philippines version of an urban myth that gets passed along because it's such a great story. The Japanese don't fuck up our little man. But what about Google?

Bobby's the worst at Google. I put Japanese World War II Philippines. No, just put Japanese soldier cave Philippines. Oh, fuck. Fuck. Also, he uses his middle finger for everything. Yeah. Wait, why do you use your?

Have you seen him type? It's like he's a typewriter. Two fingers or one? Here we go. His name is Horu Onara. OK, that sounds Japanese. Horu Onara, bro. OK, read it.

Horu Onara, or here we go, was an Imperial Japanese Army intelligence officer who fought in World War II and was a Japanese holdout who did not surrender in 1945. After Onara spent 29 years holding out in the Philippines, his former commander traveled from Japan to personally issue orders relieving him from duty in 1974. Why they take that long?

I don't know. They'll find him. So they're like, I wonder how long he's going to stay. But it was a long time. Sweetie. Am I right? Yes, you're right. You're right.

Apologize. Apologize. I fucking apologize. We're sorry. You win this time, sir. Yeah, I know I did. He's a handsome man, though. I don't know about handsome, but.

OK, sweetie. But did he end up killing people still? He killed a couple of Filipinos. Oh, my gosh. And it took that long, 29 years for Japan to be like, hey, let's go find that guy. It also had to get the admiral, his superior to come down. Right, because yeah, it had to be above him.

Above him, yeah. Or else he wouldn't listen to like us supporting it. Isn't that crazy? Holy shit. Yeah, so that's why in a race war, I don't think Asians would surrender. We just keep going. I think we would keep going.

If you fed me this right here, which is a mango pineapple hybrid. Yeah. Oh, that would date me in all day long. You would? Only just you. You're a traitor. You're a fucking traitor.

I know. I'll make a stealthy fucking soldier. How dare you? If the, OK. If George had to like. Hunger. I swear he's the most baitable guy. We can still eat.

Yeah, we can still eat. Like what's the true deep thing where it's like, oh, that's what's going to trigger me to jump sides. Oh my god. If you saw George walking, the white flag. And he said, here's the only way they could do it. Put you on a big board and get you to the up front. Hey, Bobby.

Here's what it is. The up front. The, OK. Because minorities would take over LA. Sure. I think we would drive the whites out. This would be our stronghold. Probably be a stronghold.

New York too. So we're here. It's like escape from New York. It's barricaded. And then the whites turned off the power. And it can no longer play video games. I see. Right?

OK. Well, disconnected my Wi-Fi. I couldn't like, you know. So first world. Disconnected by. Oh, fuck. I gotta play Destiny. So then I would probably go over.

Why didn't you take that Destiny knowledge out into the real world? Yeah. Oh, that is true. You'd just be like, thinking about what's the next gun I can get? Yeah. I don't think I can actually shoot a person.

If you saw George on the opposing line and you know for all that George has done for us, would you be able to kill him? Yes. Yes. I couldn't do it. Only if he tried to kill me. But I would try to talk it out.

Yeah, that's some civil war shit there. Yeah. I'd be like, you know what I would do? First get my partner payouts. OK, how about this? How about this? I find out. I find out.

So we're in LA. I find that the whites have snuck into, you know, like at the canyons, somewhere in the canyons. Where's the Topanga canyons? OK. That's our what? That's the white stronghold. That's the Topanga canyons.

Well, that's the hippie stronghold. Yeah, Topanga. Toluca Lake. Right. And my general said to me and my brother and Gilbert, you guys have to like, hunt them down. So I go and we see George. By the way, who's our general of minorities?

It's Delorey Lindo. OK. That's a good choice. I trust him. Delorey Lindo. Yeah. Delorey Lindo tells us. And then we go and we see George.

And he he's lost. We have machine guns. He's scavenging for berries. And you know what would happen? Steve would hug him. I know it. Oh, George. How are you, George?

It's an ASMR video. Is it coming out? Is it coming out? And then we don't go, shut the fuck up, Steve. Yeah, yeah. Steve, get back. And I'd have to go up to him and go, what's up, man? Let's just play it out.

What's up, man? Hey, Bobby. Hey, George. How are you? Good. I got like three wild blueberries here. And I'm real hungry. Whatever.

Whatever. No matter. Wouldn't give you. Shut the fuck up. I'm supposed to kill you. And I'm going to let you go. So I'm going to turn around. I'm going to close my eyes.

I'm going to count to 20. That's it? Yeah. And you better be gone. You better zigzag, George. Yeah, yeah. Oh, I'm running. You would you run?

Oh, hell yeah. But you know what I would say to you before that, before I turn around? Hey, if the circumstances were different, I love you, man. One, two, three. You better be running. Bang, bang. Gilbert shoots George in the leg.

That was for Jessica. Oh, yeah. Kaboom. That's not a thing about that. It makes me sad. Let's not think about race wars. Race wars. Sounds terrible.

Yeah, it's also 2017 is never going to happen. Never. Although I have been watching. I just want to switch sides. I don't like not being able to switch sides. I have been watching The Handmaid's Tale on Hulu. What's that? And it's making me feel some type of way.

There's a lot of rape or something going on. It's not really rape as much as, OK, so basically climate change, overpopulation, and a lot of different things have caused women to be infertile. And a lot of men to be infertile as well. So what they do is basically they kidnap or they arrest all the known fertile women.

And they turn them into handmaids to basically have sex and procreate with the higher ups in government. And then they make the women wear these almost like Puritan, like Quaker looking. Yeah, but what about if I was a farmer? I was a guy. And I was fertile also. What do you mean?

But you can't. Why not? OK, so it gets a little bit more complex once you watch more episodes because there are instances of that. But they say this term in the show called Under His Eye. They say that's how they greet each other under his eye because there's always someone watching.

The eye is always watching. So you cannot have sex with any for pleasure. You can't have sex for pleasure, like at all. You only have sex for procreation. What if I just, OK, I'm a farmer. Can I ask these questions? And I run into you. You're a handmaiden.

Would I know you from their past life or no? Yes, you could. I could. Collider. Yeah. Come on, let's go. Let's go fuck behind the tree. OK.

And if we get caught by an eye, we're dead. But would you? But they wouldn't kill me. Would you fuck me, though? I might, for sure. You mean me, you might. You might? They're not going to kill me because I need my vagina

and my ovaries and my uterus, right? But they're going to kill you, but they're going to cut off an arm because I can still procreate. Not with it. Not with it. I'll just jerk off. I'll just jerk off. Because if these women step out of line, they'll gouge an eye

out, and they're like, oh, we don't need it. But anyway, just show me a titty, and I go behind the tree and I jerk off. Yeah, you can't do that. I can't do that either, is it? No, we'd get killed. Oh, man. The eye is always watching.

You can't just shoot, you can't jerk off. But what we could do. The eye doesn't let people jerk off? No. That's a dangerous society there. What we could do is we could, in this world, Canada is a safe place. So we just need to cross the border into Canada.

We're going to Canada, dude. We made love last week. We didn't kiss once. We didn't kiss once. We didn't kiss anymore. We don't kiss anymore. We just fuck like rabbits. Is that normal?

Do you look at me? I do look at you. No, you don't. I look at you and you turn away. You look away from him? That's so mean. Or she'll do this. Like, she'll tuck her, like, your neck fat?

Neck, and then, like, she'll look away from me like that. No, because I'm much taller. So if I'm on top, he's, OK, if I'm on top, straddling. Oh, that's the best. His head is here. He's so short. So if I'm, like, on top, but kind of falling forward. Yeah, and I have to do it.

So this right here. My head is here. This is her head. So this is my hand at the back of her head. And I'm like this, and I'm doing this like this. You actually have to work out. Yeah, I'm working out. I'm 5'8".

Right. I have a long torso. It's the best. I have a question. Do you guys still make out, like, spontaneously? No, never. No, we do the pecs in the lips, though. Yeah, we kiss a lot, but we just don't make out.

Fuck it. OK, how important is making out? Because now I feel like maybe I'm missing out on the other. Well, how often did you guys do heart dating? Shut up. Make out right now. What is that? I'm not making out.

How often did you make out? What do we do? 12 in a fucking car? I can't remember the last time we made out during sex. All right. Without sex. We don't make out. All right, Gilbert, what's your love life like?

We talk about that, friend? We make out. That's it. You make out. They make out a lot, babe. No, no, no. My mom's just saying, nah, nah, nah, nah. Your mom is not OK with you having sex.

No, no, we're kissing. So we're just friends that are getting to know each other. Yeah, so these are just friends. But you know what's great right now? My brother and his girlfriend and their dog, who is not house trained, is driving to my parents' house in Phoenix right now. And I wish I was there.

Because this dog has never shit outside. Oh, man. Oh, yeah, it's a sweet dog. And his parents' house is wild. It's parents' house is carpeted. It's carpeted, and it's like a museum. Oh, like your mom is clean. You can't walk in with if you're not wearing socks.

You have to wear socks when you go in, which is normal. And my dad is like literally, he can't talk, and he can't really move that well. He can't really talk well, but he'll still tell you to put your socks on. Yeah, yeah. Oh, wow.

So with this dog, that will be interesting. I cannot wait. Such a cute dog, though. And they've never met Alani. They're going to love her. They're going to love her, but I still with the dog. Oh, my god. Is your mom want to get angry right away or pull him aside?

No. I mean, for three days, she'll endure it. She has to endure it. Because if she doesn't, my brother will die alone. No. Yeah. And I don't want him to die alone. No.

They're going to have a great time there. Everything will be OK. They have a yard. The dog can poo and pee there. No, no, that dog. You'll take it for a walk, it'll run around, and then it'll wait till it comes back inside to Vegas. I know, that's what he does.

Is that what happens for real? And also, with the other night, he was here. What was the pee like? Because he still has his balls. So I think he's like, he has that. It's territory pee. You know when you pee? Oh, and new houses.

Basically, territory pee is different. Yeah. So territory pee is a little stickier and mustier. It's like, but it's still a puppy. It's only eight months old. It'll be fine. Everything will be fine, Bobby. It'll be great.

OK, so earlier, you mentioned Escape from New York when we were talking about the race wars. Yeah. On our car ride home from Lucky Boy the other day, we were talking about which movies we would want to remade from. We would want to see be remade from the 80s, because they're doing that a lot now, right? They're going to do with Akira.

They're going to do with just a bunch of things. What would be your top three movies you would want to see remade? The Warriors. Warriors for sure. Warriors. Escape from New York. Who would you want to direct the Warriors first? The Warriors should be done by Jordan Peele.

Maybe Jordan. Jordan would be great. He could do it, yeah. Jordan could do it, because he has the imagination for it. I mean, everything that I would want would be directed by Christopher Nolan. That's true. That's new.

Did you see that fucking new war movie? Is Dunkirk out already? Oh, is that what it's called, Dunkirk? I want to see it. Have you seen the trailer? Oh my god, it's so good. Oh my god. My heart pounds when you hear the planes.

Do you see anything from this guy? Christopher Nolan, you know? You know? It's like fucking every frame is a painting. This motherfucker right here, dawg. That's why I do. Christopher Nolan. Herbazion.

Yo, do. All day, every day, do. That's my least favorite word of all. What? Do. Why? I hate it when people say it. Yeah?

Is that Herbazion, babe? Can't do it anymore. Don't talk to me like that. I'm a TV star now. Do you know since he's gone this pilot, he refuses to even so much as like get me orange juice. He's like, I'm a TV star now. Go get your own get that orange juice.

Yeah, get your own orange juice. Don't talk to me like that. Yeah. In fact, from now on, don't lock eyes with me. We're having sex. Do not do it. OK, so what other movies? Warriors?

That, that. Oh, Highlander. Highlander. Do you remember? There could only be one. Sean Connery. Sean Connery and Christopher Lambert. Where are you making it?

They are. They already, hold on, who's they? Who, they casted someone already. No, who? Who's directing it? I'll tell you right now. Oh, that's going to be great. Highlanders are good.

What are you thinking about? I think they should do Goonies 2017. But now they're older. They need to do Goonies, yeah. But they're all older and make it a comedy. And don't cast the old people. Maybe put Brolin still in it. You couldn't put Corey Feldman.

Is he in Goonies? I think so. Is it Corey Feldman? If he is, he shouldn't be in the new one. OK, so who's casting the remake of Highlander? Is Chad Soliski. He's the guy that did John Wick 2. The guy's behind it.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, they gave it to him. I love that new Blade Runner, though. Ryan Dockside. Looks really good. I want to look at the Goonies to cast. The Goonies? Yeah, because I want to do Goonies.

But Goonies 2000, oh yeah, Corey Feldman, isn't it? Sean Austin's still in it. He could probably cast him. How about Josh Brolin? Josh Brolin, yeah, because he's relevant, right? Chunk, we'd have to look at how skinny he is. We have to get somebody to do that. Oh, no, yeah.

Who gets to do data? Eric Stone Street as Chunk, right? Data I would want, but they wouldn't give it to me. I think they would give it to Ken. Ken Jeong. Martha Plimpton can still play her. She's great. Sloth, they could put...

What are you going to say? Nothing. See what I'm doing? I'm editing. I'm doing good things. Well, we just had a whole episode about race wars, and so I don't know how well I'm going to fly over. What other, what's your third movie?

I said Goonies. These are the lists that you, these are the other ones that you gave me. You said Logan's Run. Yeah, but I don't know much about it anymore. Escape from New York. I said that already. Soylent Green.

Yeah, but the Soylent Green is, you know what the twist of that is. No, I have never seen it, so don't kill it for me. Well, no, because it's a famous log line that people say. Soylent Green is people, is the log line. Basically what it is, it's in the future. I've never heard of that before. You've never heard of it? No, I've only heard of it because of the drink that they have now.

Yeah. Soylent Green. But in the movie, they are fed this food called Soylent Green. And what they realize, it's reprocessed humans. Oh, fuck. And that's the switch at the end. I think Charleston Heston's in it. And he screams out, Soylent Green is people.

Oh, right. No, no. And they ate a bunch. Yeah. Did you see that? I guess there's a woman who's trying to like sue. I think is it Vida Coco? Because I guess she drank a little bit of a Vida Coco.

And it seemed like thick and mushy. So she and she felt like she's. What's a Vida Coco? Coconut water. Coconut water by Rihanna is the face. Let me make sure it's Vida Coco. I don't want to like shit on a product. Anyways, I'm pretty sure it was Vida Coco.

So she was like, what the fuck? And she like vomited because it was disgusting. So she like opened up the box of the Vida Coco. And inside it, it looked like a fucking like dead squid. Can I just show you the picture, please? Because it's so funny. Dead squid. Yeah.

But the thing is, is that like Fig Newtons, it's guaranteed, right? There's 30% of its cockroach. Really? Not 30%. But yeah, they're, yeah, they're cockroaches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me, I'm going to, I'm going to.

I thought they meant like they actually like harvest cockroaches. No, wait, I'm going to go look it up. Fig Newton, right? Cockroaches. Newton, yeah. Newton, cockroach. Insects have a lot of proteins.

The safest thing to eat. That kid's got your Fig Newtons with a promo code for belly. Oh, what was that? OK, hold on, let me see. Coconut water squid. Hold on, I'm going to look up something. Cheesecake peanut skin.

OK, so this is Bugs Rat Hares. And here you go, Fig Paste is allowed to have up to 13 insect heads per 100 grams. What do you mean allowed? What do you mean allowed? Why is that thing? It's not in the ingredient, but they're allowed to have it. What the fuck?

What a specific number. So it's like, it's like if I pee in it, a little one, it's they'll pass. Yeah, not 14 cockroach heads, only 13 cockroach heads. 14, you got to put it on the ingredients. Yeah. Babe, look at what that lady found inside her viticoco. Let me see, let me see, let me see.

Wait, they found all that in her viticoco? Let me see, show me really quick. What the fuck? Can you sue? No. I swear to God. Show the camera that. Oh my God.

You can sue. You have to, right? Yeah. That's pretty funny. And you know, Viticoco's response was like, oh, that's just random spoilage, you guys. Oh, a giant squid in a fucking container? Are you fucking kidding me?

That's crazy. Oh, God. But I'm really sad about it, because these things are made in the Philippines, and Bobby's going to shit on the Philippines again. See, that's why I'm not shocked by it. That's normal in the Philippines. If you look up Philippines, that should be the symbol.

The mask, I just put eyes on it in a little mouth. Also, Fig Newtons are also manufactured in the Philippines. But this is one of my biggest pet peeves with people traveling. People who travel but don't eat the street food, because they're like, yeah, that's not hygienic. Or people who see food prep, and people aren't using gloves, and they're like, I can't eat that,

because he used his bare hands. He's like, bitch, shut up. That I can't do. That type of snobby little, I only eat really clean shit. That's so unrealistic. Oh, when I was in India, there's this thing called panipuri, which is little pastries that are hard with water and delicious stuff inside them.

So I went to Juhu Beach to have them, since I didn't know about any other place. I was sick for a month afterwards. But would you eat it again? Well, then four months later, I was like, yeah, I'm leaving for the US, I'm kind of better. I'm getting me panipuri the day before I get the night before I leave.

Got home again sick for a full month of diarrhea. You completely deserve that. I'm so happy that happened. Finally, my mom made me go to a doctor, like, yeah, you need to go on some strong antibiotics for whatever's inside you. What did you think? That something different was going to happen as a result.

Yeah, you just tried to fucking live your life. No, it's not stronger. What's that old saying? What insanity is? Oh, doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. I was more gone, Nietzsche, you know, whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger,

and it does not, it just tears out your insides. Yeah. Over, well, if it's not always so, because God, I grew up in the Philippines and I generally think that my stomach is, used to be a little stronger when I was living there. When I came over here, I started eating all this like super clean shit, I guess.

So when I go back home, I always get sick. But all my like family members back home, they're, all their stomachs are made of steel. Nothing gets them sick, like nothing. Yeah. I eat even a little, I accidentally swallow water from brushing my teeth over there. Fuck it, like I have diarrhea for two weeks,

but also I welcome diarrhea. Well, since we talked about my brother with Alani going to my parents' house, the whole time, since then, I've been thinking about my parents and I've been kind of out of it. Oh. But their death, I don't want them to die. They're not gonna die.

I know, but still, like as soon as we started talking about it, I tuned out and I haven't been adding anything. I'm sorry. Oh, I just got sad now, thinking about my grandparents. Yeah. But why did we go there? I went there, I'm just because I had to acknowledge. Come on, get back to squid and coconut water.

It's too late. It's too late now. Squid, Vida, Cocoa, come on. I can't do it. Me either. Yeah. I just can't. What?

Are you being real? My grandparents are old. I know. I just saw them. Yeah, you just get in these little things in your head and I can't shake it. Unhelpful advice with Bobby and Kalala. They love each other and they make out

and make eye contact when they fuck. My problem is that I feel like my girlfriend has given up on me trying to stay fit. We are 21 years old and she is not fat, she is definitely chubby and has over the past few years been getting chubbier. I try to stay in shape and work out regularly and when I invite her to come exercise she what she chooses not to. The thought that her appearance is only going downhill worries me because I'm in it for the long haul. I've been nagging her when she eats unhealthy and occasionally take her on hikes

but is there anything effective I can say or do to get her to change her habits? I really love her and would hate and would hate to weaken our relationship if I lose attraction to her. Thanks you guys Chris. Oh if you really love her dude like get off her back about it. It's just let her do what she wants with her body. It's like saying with Bobby if I want him to get healthy it's because I want him to be healthy not I don't if he could keep this big belly of his and not be diabetic and live a very long life I'd be like yeah keep the belly I don't care what you look like. Can you do that medically? I mean yeah I think there are some thicker people who are perfectly healthy but if you're saying you know you want her to change the way she looks I think

you need to look into yourself more than look into her flaws like you have some growing up to do because. Yeah but it's inevitably people are never going to stay the same. You're going to get older and when you look at like old couples you think I mean there's no way to look at like your wife who's like 80 and go yeah no but you go I love this woman she was she's been there with the whole time and there's something deeper. If she's your person dude it doesn't matter what shape she comes in she's your person and you might be imposing all this like health and exercise stuff that you're doing and thinking. Yeah created internet porn. I mean you can drink off. It's it's the same way like if I told him you know I'd leave him because he's gained you know 10 pounds or 20 pounds he's

getting chubbier and chubbier. I am getting chubbier but if he got 600 pounds I'd be like bro there's a problem. Also go to the TV show. Yeah I mean I'd I'm wiping your ass every day you can barely get out of bed that's a problem but if she's happy with yourself like how dare you tell her how to be if she likes the way she looks if she's all you can be there is if she's ready to be like babe I want to be healthy and I want to actually lose weight then you can be like yeah let's go to the gym together but don't impose that bullshit on her if she's happy with herself you should be happy with who she is. Check yourself bro. Whoa no do what you do. No I mean he's being honest it's an honest thing I asked myself the same question would I be with somebody who I started off

like Brad Pitt and all of a sudden he's gained 80 pounds and I'm like fuck like yeah it probably I would probably be less attracted to them sexually but if you think about it in the long haul he says he's in it for the long haul like you really stopped looking at your partner sexually after three years anyways so just wait out the three years sorry babe I still think about you I just don't look at you during sex anymore but that's okay. Yeah why do you always make double chin? I mean I mean yeah give your opinion to this guy he needs it Bobby. I just think that it's I just said it it's inevitably that she's not gonna stay sexy forever neither are you. Neither are you dude. Neither are you dude so you know yeah you she better be someone that you can talk to

that you can fucking just enjoy your silent moments with what she looks like. I like my fatty over here. Oh well we were watching a movie last night which snuggle love you watch a movie and cuddle and it's nice to be there you know with your partner and that's good. There's really no way to tell her either it just sounds arrogant when you tell a 21 year old girl hey like well how old is she? He's 21 I think. How old is she? Probably around the same age. Well that's uncalled for. Look you gotta look good for them. Before 25 look good. No I thought you were talking about there in the 40s. No these are children. No. What just happened with you? No no no. I didn't know the fact. No she you gotta get or leave leave her. Exactly. I would rather hear. I would look at her

and go listen you're 21 okay you shouldn't be looking like that and there are other 21 year olds that I can be having. So you better fucking get on the fucking pod or shit or something. How dare you? How dare you? No what he should do is if he knows he's losing attraction just spare her just be like okay dude like I'm obviously going through a very superficial time in my life. It's not superficial she's 21 she should look 21. Yeah but what does 21 look like? I'll show you I'll Google it. I'll show you what it's supposed to look like. You were in the fucking stud at 21. I know but that's why I had to do extra shit. I've already been telling that all the whole time. The whole time now. I was born you know I didn't win a genetic lottery. All right. Maybe this girl

didn't but what's it to her if she's happy with herself. You shouldn't be dating her in the first place. If you were never yeah if it's a problem with you. I'm kidding do it. L is for the way you look. Everything's fine. Oh you know I'm just kidding. Well it's unhelpful. If you love her it's unhelpful. It's supposed to be unhelpful. And I just love. We don't know the answer. It's just love guys. It's love though. I mean for me my relationships with like my Christine right it's it wasn't the right fit and I think that's the key right. It's like Christina was young cute you know she's cute whatever but I just with her when I just I feel things when I look at Kalyla still today. Sometimes it's not positive things. Sometimes pure vitriol. You know it's like she

just you know it makes me like I feel these things you know and I go what the fuck you know but those things are healthy I believe. They're not feelings of murder. They're feelings of what she just drives me sometimes you know like that whole thing you know but it's like you need to feel like when I was she was we went to the dog park today and she was walking in front of me and I was looking at her I love her legs and the way her legs look you know with the dog. I know but I like it it's like this visual sense of like oh you know you gotta have little moments like that. What are we at time now? Hour 10. Any shows? Yes Bobby will be at the Hilarities Cleveland June 1st to the 3rd. In Seattle June 8th through the 10th and in North Carolina June 20th to the

21st go to bobbyleelive.com I've just uploaded. I'm gonna let you know I know I'm not I'm gonna have to cancel a lot of dates. Not in June though. I know but the dates that do have you gotta come yeah because I might not do it for a while right okay yep yep yep but we'll always do this podcast yep always always okay. What if we break up? We'll still do it. Thank God. I think that you won't be on it but we'll do it. I would probably be okay if if um I would if and no we can't we can't talk like that. What are you talking about? Yeah why would you say that? What the fuck would you say that out loud? You're talking about spreading your cheeks and I had memories of my ex and all of a sudden I thought it was it felt like the end. You do the same thing though right?

Yeah yeah it just makes it quiet then you can smell it quicker to know if it's bad or not yeah that's what it comes down to. I like smelling my own farts. I I I would have to agree I I think I like my own you know brand too or it's intriguing. It's intriguing. Have you ever clipped your toenails or nails and smelled them? Yeah of course. I've been eating them. Oh fuck. No I'm kidding. Joke time. Joke time. Okay let's do this thing. Uh announcements uh George. No we don't have any like housekeeping today. Oh no let's talk about the quick MMA minute. You guys do that. No no no. I gotta go to the bathroom. I gotta pee. Yoana. I have to go to the bathroom. Okay come back for Yoana's. No no no keep on. I really do have to go to the bathroom. I've been holding it

for 20 minutes. Okay we'll leave Yoana until Bobby gets back. MMA minute with Kalyla because Bobby's not coming back. Kalyla let's start with the main event really quick UFC 211 in Dallas very big card uh Stepe Miočić in Junior Dos Santos. You picked correctly. Yes thank god. Stepe man another level. I switched it to JDS like right before the fight because like he looked good but that chin. Not to discount JDS's ability. He's amazing and he's actually relatively young. He's 33. I just don't think he has a chin anymore. What was the first fight that got him that way because I remember he was undefeated for a while. Yeah. He can't know he became. He's been. He's been. What he lost to. TKOed a few times now. I don't remember who he lost to. Wow yeah I don't remember but uh

yeah Stepe. So I picked Stepe. I picked Frankie. Frankie won. I did want Yair to win though. You won Yair. Yeah. I just like the kid. I think that he has like a good he would make for like a great champion. He'll be a star. But he's only 24. 24. Yeah he's a long way to go. He'll be a star. Yeah um who else did I pick. Oh by the way Damian Maya and uh Hori Mospedal that was uh Damian Maya again he better get that title shot. Yeah. They're saying it but. That wasn't the most exciting fight of the night but I appreciate Damian Maya. I'm glad I chose him for the first time and he actually came through. Um who else did I pick. Oh um the Henry Sehudo fight was called off. Called off quote unquote injury right. Was that proven. Uh I have no idea. Um I I really like watching Henry

Sehudo fight but I kind of like there's something about him that kind of puts me off. The fact that he like misses weight. There's something just something about him. His personality is a bit much. I know it's really him but it seems fake. I'm like watching him an ultimate fighter with Ben Avidas. It's like. I didn't even watch that season. You look at Ben Avidas you're like okay real person. You look at Henry it's like are you doing this for the cameras. The way he talks is very. But you can't fault him for that. He's doing a show. He's doing a show. He the everyone puts off a different persona. A version of themselves when they're on TV and I totally get that and I respect that because I think part you know Bobby and I kind of sort of do it a little

bit sometimes. Yeah everyone does. Yeah but there's something that puts me off about a lot of guys that like miss weight constantly. Like um what's his name um like Dubronx. Oh yeah Charles Oliveira. Yeah or like I really really like him but um Kevin Gastelum. Yeah he's the one I only I forgive him. I don't know why he's the only fighter. He looks so sweet and he really is so talented like I do like him a lot too. He probably beats up guys bigger than him. Yeah but I also think there's an element of like. Missing weights and knowing yeah. Or Johnny Hendricks same thing. I see I hate him for that. Yeah and then same thing with Chris Eyeborg. Yeah but also we're sitting on the fucking couch doing nothing while these guys go through like. Are you can we cut

weight every week. For fun. Renal failure. Yeah I mean fucking it Johnny Hendricks went to the fucking hospital for like damn your renal failure. So I mean I'm talking like I don't I've never done this sport. I've never thrown a kick in my life so um props tell me I still don't make weight. Shout out shout out to you guys. We're nobodies. What other fights. Oh yeah and then your co-main event. Yoana. Oh yeah. Yoan J chick. Of course. Just Andrage. Dude Andrage is a tough bitch. She just kept coming forward all five rounds and even throughout the very end she was she was swinging wildly but she was still coming forward. Yeah that's the cool thing she just kept going. But after it's very interesting to me like first and second round is always when you

you can see Yoana. You know there were moments where you're like oh would she it could go either way right because just Andrage is really a strong girl. But after a while past like after the third round she always puts on a clinic after that. It's like she becomes a sniper. All her shots land. I mean like significant strikes. It was like 300 versus like 40. That's crazy. Yeah she holds the record right now. And she's so fast you just don't even see it coming. So she fights what? Who? Rose and Emma Eunice next? Probably. I just want to say I'm happy that she's one of those people that decided to move to a different camp. She's like look I'm champion but like I can still get better. Yeah but it's not even uh it's not even shitting on her previous team or whatever. It's

kind of like look if fighters evolve fighters have like different needs you know and she changed management like she's a champion you know. She's smart. Which is um but then you guys have guys like Stepe who will not never leave. Connor will never leave. Yeah which works you know different things work for different people but I'm really interested to see um Rose fight Yoana next. I think Rose is really creative and fun to watch and she's very slick and um sneaky. I understand that but it's it's so different like yeah she's gonna die. I I'm with Yoana. I'm with Yoana. I think that Rose will be a champion one day. Rose wins it's submission. I'm sorry you're not standing with her. Rose will will be a champion someday. I just don't think it'll be the first time she

she meets Yoana. True. Um which other fight was there? I think those are it right? Oh my god the Eddie Alvarez fight. Oh. Such a good fight too. Oh dude Dustin Poyer was really good. I was rooting for him. I was like oh my god is your final your chance to get a name under your record because he I was rooting for Eddie. I was rooting for Dustin because like he he every time he fights a top ranked point he always loses. He lost to Connor. He lost to Holloway I think. He lost to uh Korean Zombie. Yeah. He just never get that one name fight. Yeah. I thought this was it. He was winning two rounds three or two to two oh actually. How long has he been at um um lightweight now? Probably three fights not three or four fights. Wait he's in 155 right? Yeah he used to be 145.

All those other fights were 145. Yeah. Connor was 145. Yeah. Oh that's right that's right because he fought Connor. Yeah. Yeah. So he appealed it uh but I don't maybe a rematch I guess. Yeah. We can see it. I mean he was gonna beat Eddie honestly. But dude Eddie was really hanging on there because he's rocky all right. Oh god I love that though um I thought the decision I don't know anything about being a referee either so I'm not gonna shit on on um Herb Dean but that was a little bit confusing so you're saying that they were saying that it would have been legal but Dallas didn't accept uh hasn't adopted the new rules yet? All I know is from obviously it's very different New York. The two rules the two rules are different. All I know what Herb was saying was he did not think

there were three knees. The first two I think Joe and Cormier were saying that the first one was illegal. Yeah illegal? Illegal. Okay. That's what they were saying on the broadcast. Yeah. I think they got it wrong. I I agreed with them. I was like oh that's illegal his hand was on the ground but Herb was saying he tells all the fighters the same thing every time for him when he's watching a fight for a downed hand. Yeah. There has to be weight on it. You have if you fall and you support yourself that that's like okay downed right? Yeah. But if you're just putting your fingertips there he calls that playing the game. Yeah. It's like I'm not gonna allow a knee. Okay. You're playing the game. Yeah. So the first two in Herb's mind those are okay that's what I told the fighter they know

that but as soon as that knee dropped yeah then the third one that knocked Dustin down or knocked him out basically that was illegal and that's when they he stopped it. Yeah. I guess a no contest was fair. It just gets a little bit muddled. I don't because he also said Eddie's knee was unintentional because he that's a that's on discretion of the referee. He said if it was intentional it would be in a DQ but he ruled it as that's right unintentional which just sucks that people can pretend when they're losing to knee someone a dead opponent and then you get a no contest set of a loss. That's the my only problem is like how do you yeah that's a little too muddy for me. I think there needs to be very very and if they're going to have fights in these cities

these cities need to adopt universal rules. Have the same rules. It can't be like marijuana laws man like each state's got to have the same fucking rules because it confuses me it can it just it's controversial and it sucks because I really wanted to see all three of those rounds. I wanted to see Eddie Alvarez make it like barely survive that round and hopefully you know come back. Rocky moment yeah it was great. Oh god what a shitty end to a great fight but yeah we wouldn't have done that. We would have made way and we would have gone all three rounds because we're fighters. God I can't even make weight now if you paid me. Oh god. I can't keep away from just life. I just keep gaining it. Yeah just making gains. Speaking of those vegan gains y'all. Also I'm not

vegan. Uh George anything? Uh if you want your free walk don't forget to go to uh WEG uh download the WEG app and uh sign up today for your first walk free because if you have a dog you need it. All right uh make sure you follow us on instagram at tigerbelly on the twitters at the tigerbelly and also you must any questions at thetigerbellyedgmail.com you can follow you can follow Kalyla on social media at calamityk that's k-h-a-l-a-m-i-t-y-k boom and George at uh you just gotta try to find me who cares. I'm not playing that game that uh online game no more just follow tigerbelly. In reality George wants to be a social media star and help him out and check out the youtube and uh everything else. And Stevie Webe. Have you always wanted to become a star

George? You sure look like one. I don't need it is the thing I don't have a big enough drive. George you're looking me right now. Would you rather be a producer or a superstar famous superstar? I always do the producing work is the thing. So as far as a need. Different story than we heard off mic huh? He's been taking acting classes every week. Who? Wait who'd you hear a story from? Off mic? I don't know no mics. I know what you tell us when the mics aren't on. Oh no there's there's skills to gain. Yeah. But as far as like what do I do if I wake up in the morning there's two things to do I'm gonna do the producing thing first. That is true he does and then I'll write my stand up maybe three days later. You're a fucking rock star at delegating though let me tell you

the amount of emails I receive from you is really impressive. It's very impressive. It slowed down lately. Oh my god I was like where's George because I have not received the same barrage of emails and I felt really like I kind of missed you. Don't say that because now you're gonna get. Please don't. We're doing good we're doing good things are things are fairly automated. Is he okay? Is he dating someone new? Is he not like his computer anymore? Is that where you right away you go to that? Yeah because I'm always like oh he probably spent the night over there and at his new girl's place. She probably jerked him off when in his eye you know the same old story. The usual. The usual. The usual. Guys that's our show. Thank you for listening. Bye.

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