TigerBelly - Holiday Special with Umma

Episode Date: December 21, 2015

We sit in the Lee household in Mesa, Arizona to pick the brain of Korea's original queen of comedy. Learn what it means to be free. Happy Holidays.   Recorded December 23, 2015 Music by Bobby Lee Instagram: @tigerbelly Twitter: @thetigerbelly www.thetigerbelly.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

You're listening ad-free on Wondery Plus. Hey guys, this is Kalayla. For starters, this is not an episode. So if this is your first time listening, this isn't where you want to begin. This is simply a supplemental something-something attached to episode 20, which was our last episode, wherein we talked about Bobby and I's trip to Arizona to visit his parents. So the following is just a small interview we did with his mother in Arizona. With that said, please enjoy.

It's Tiger Belly! Okay, you ready, sweetie? Yeah, let's go. Okay, hey, this is Tiger Belly. My name is Bobby Lee and we have Kalayla, my girlfriend, Goon, and we're in Gilbert, Arizona. This is where my parents live. And my mom's here with us.

Hi, mom. Hi. Hi. How are you doing? I'm pretty good. I have a couple of questions to ask you. What is it? Well, number one, why do you sleep naked?

Oh! You promised me not to ask that. You know what? Because undress is very comfortable. I'm free from myself. You're free from yourself? Yeah. And you were underwear?

No. What if you... You don't... You sleep completely naked. Yeah, because I want to be free. You want to be free. You want to be free. That's why.

Yeah, but you can't... What about this? Why don't you just... Is it because of the heat? No! Even in a cold, you turn off my heater. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even I'm naked.

You're naked. Yeah, because I can stand something on my body. Yeah, because when we drove in, we came in at like four in the morning. And I decided to wake you up. And I... This is what I said. I walked into your bedroom. And I saw your naked body from afar.

And it really made me feel funny. Why? It just made me feel like... I shouldn't have seen... I'm human being. I know you're a human being. Yeah, and I'm a better natural person. Really?

What do you mean? I mean, I love nature. You love nature? Yeah. So that's how we're born, without clothes. We were born without clothes? Yeah. Were we not?

You're right. Why can I be comfortable without clothes? Right. Is dad naked, too? Yes. No, not right now, because he's just sick. Oh, he's... What do you mean?

Oh, yeah, because he had... Used to be. Yeah, my father... We both, you know. My father, a couple of years ago, had a stroke. Eight strokes. He had... You know what?

Eight strokes. He had eight strokes. And Parkinson's disease, too. He has Parkinson's disease, too. And pneumonia. And pneumonia. Yeah, five things. Three times.

How long was he in the hospital for? Oh, the hospital was about one month. Oh, wow, that's a long time. But, like, for three years, he's really been sick. So he cannot be naked anymore. Yeah, yeah. Maybe sometimes it's at the bottom. So you guys don't have sex anymore?

No more. No. When did that stop? Like, when he gets sick. So you guys were having sex into your 60s? Oh, yeah. That's God's will. It's God's will to me.

As long as you are very unhealthy, how can we have you? What? Even in... Yeah, I understand. I understand when you're, like, in your early 20s or your 30s or 40s, having sex. That's fine. But, like, when you're in your 60s. No.

My parents, they helped me when my father was, like, almost 50. Yeah. My daughter was almost 45. Oh. And she had me and my younger sister. Oh, I see. So it's just kind of native things. It's a natural thing to do.

Oh, yeah. You've never used condoms. Never. Well, you've never used... Why? You've never used a condom before? No. Yeah, yeah.

Why? Also, after menopause, it's not necessary. Right. Like, because I got menopause when I was 38. Oh, wow. So after 38, just not... Yeah, so naturally... So you brought up...

Naturally, just do it. But then sex is different. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because you could have it, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I don't have to worry about pregnancy. No, no, yeah, yeah. You can't have it.

I don't want to talk... I really don't want to talk about it. I know. But two are enough. Two is enough. So you had us, my brother and I, Steve, right? What was it like raising us? What was the difference between raising him and then raising Steve?

Yeah, Steve is a lot easier. Because Bobby was your first song. Yeah. I want to be like the best of everything. Like academically, ecologically, you know. I want to be the best of everything. Yeah. And what did I turn out to be?

Well, you are best now. But growing up is really hard. You know that. What did you think I was going to become, though? I didn't even think about it. I just said you would be just growing up. I never expected you something. I want to be remembered, lawyers or doctors.

Yeah, yeah. But you don't want it. So what should I do? I want to send you to that army school. Army school? Army school. Like a cadet school? Yeah, yeah.

Because maybe they can discipline him. How old was he? He was about junior high. It's like a military school. Yeah, military school. What did I do wrong? To even have that idea in your head? Well, you have like an experiment in the room.

With grass. Oh, with marijuana. Yeah. With grass. Yeah, because I asked him what that is. You know what he said? That's a school project. That the marijuana was school project?

That's what he told me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And did you ever find mirrors and straws? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Under the plant and everywhere. I knew it. Yeah.

But he said it's a school project. Yeah, because I used to say, mom, it's science. Yeah, everything's cool. Yeah. I believe it. I'm using school things. I want to support him. Yeah.

Because I was like doing, I was doing math. Oh my God. In middle school. In high school. Yeah, remember that. What happened? Well, he got so skinny. Like half of this.

Yeah, yeah. And then he confessed to me. He had the drugs. So I told him, you know, stop today. And I'm going to take him, you know, that rehab center. Yeah. And then about 12 years later, he came back and he's all, you know, he goes, ah, ah, you know, I know he got drug.

Yeah. I had to hit him. Yeah, really? Did you hit him or Steve a lot when they were younger? No, Stephen never, he never really bad boy. Yeah. You know, he, he had a, you know, like bad words. Then I had to put soap in his, the Steve.

No, Steve. Because you never to brother, your brother, like, and he, you know, he thinks. Remember Steve used to walk up to like strangers and go, you're fat. Well, he, yeah. Yeah. He's weird in that way. Yeah. He'd be like a seven year old kid.

He never been bad boy. When they were both younger, were you worried that you had abnormal children? Not that way, but little bit different. Yeah. And I dream about him every night. I lost him in the store, you know. She had dreams that she would lose you. Yeah.

Even two days ago, I lost you guys in the space. You don't make me cry. In space? Yeah. Outer space? Wait, wait, wait. You were an astronaut? No, we just traveling.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. We were in a space ship? I think so. Because I'm watching this. And I lost them. I gotta find them because without me, they cannot survive. And I cry. And then I woke up.

Then you woke up. I tell my daddy. Yeah. He say, what is it? Gaggum. Yeah. That means dog's dream, you know. It's a dog's dream?

It's nothing. No, there's probably symbolism. There's probably symbolism behind it. Yeah, I know, but he doesn't understand it. He doesn't understand it. No, no, no. So dad was never like, he didn't, that wasn't artsy in any kind of way. He didn't like music or movies.

No, no. He didn't like me and jealous. He got jealous. Somebody look at me. Yeah. That's it. That night, he got so mad to me. I said, what did I do?

Did he ever hit you? Oh, yeah. Really? Well, in what way? And he would hit you in the face? You know, like that. Push me. Yeah, yeah.

But I know, if somebody look at me, man, then he got so jealous. Yeah. And I said, I'm going to divorce him after they grow up because I really got mad. But after they graduate high school, he gets so better. He got better. He doesn't do anymore. Yeah. And I get older too.

Nobody look at me that way. Unfuckable. Yeah, right. Yeah, yeah. Now he said, nobody going to look at you, maybe all 90 years old. Yeah, yeah. I said, well, it was the same to me. Yeah, yeah.

I wasn't thinking any other man. How old were you when you met him? And how did you? Oh, I was, you know what? I came to States 1968. Yeah. January. Uh-huh.

I met him by April. Oh, by the way. That same year. Yeah. And then we come to dating, but I went to beauty school. So we kind of dating a little bit. Yeah. What was it like coming here in 1968 and not knowing how to speak English?

Were you scared? Oh, I even cried at the airport because they asked me something like my x-ray. Yeah. I didn't know what they're talking about. And did you come with your sisters? No, all by myself. Oh, wow. Yeah.

At the airport. I mean, we learn English at school. Yeah. You don't know how to speak right here, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I cry and they let me go because I cry so much. Oh. They don't want to be any trouble.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I think my heart is twice bigger than normal people. Oh, yeah. You know, that's why they got a little bit in the questioning. Yeah. But I didn't know what they're talking about. Yeah. And then even a first year, when daddy, we have a telephone call from somebody.

Then I couldn't understand. I had to give the daddy. So your dad, he spoke English? Oh, yeah. I mean, I thought so. Yeah, yeah. Now, yeah, now I have to teach him. But didn't he then, you didn't like him as you moved to Wisconsin and he became a stalker,

right? He stalked you. No, no, no. I mean, Detroit. Oh, you were in Detroit. In Detroit? No, because that's what big sister, my big, older sister live in Detroit. Yeah.

Your mom's a thug. Yeah. And your mom, and then you left him, and then he followed you there. You know what? What's the problem? I called him at the airport, leave something like, you know. A trail. You left the trail.

Because otherwise he doesn't know where I am. So you left the trail so he could follow you. Right. Because, you know, I was kind of scared to go my big sister. Yeah. Is it because also a lot of black people in Detroit? That I didn't know. But when you showed up there, you got scared now?

I just got scared because my, you know, brother-in-law was a new doctor. I'm from Korea. So they don't have money. And I have to live with them. And my sister was a nurse. So they both working, and they left the kids in Korea. Oh. So they came here without their kids?

Right. Yeah. Because I took care of them. That's common. Yeah. I took care of them in all those ones. When I was in Korea, you know, like piggy bank me. Oh, so you took care of their kids?

Oh, yeah. Like my kids. Yeah, yeah. And everybody asked, oh my God, you're so young. You have two kids, you know? Yeah. I don't know who. Han.

Oh, yeah, yeah. Jeongye Jeongye. Jeongye, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So anyway, so I left. I have a very important question. Important than the other things? No, no. When did dad start putting tissue paper between his butt cheeks to sleep?

You know what? When you get older, you're going to do that. It's called anal leakage. Yeah. You know why? Because that gets wet. What? See it?

What does? Yeah. So you have to put it otherwise you stick it. So what you're saying to me right now is this. This is that you're saying that at one point in my life. You too. No, just listen. I'm going to put tissue paper between my butt cheeks.

Yeah. Because it's getting wet. Wet. I know. It's uncomfortable. It's uncomfortable. Yeah. You do it now?

No, I'm just saying. You put tissue between your butt cheeks. You say you have to be honest. Yeah, yeah. Sometimes. Not all the time. Not all the time. But sometimes you do it.

Yeah. Because nature. Yeah. It's when you get older, it gets wetter. I've never heard of it. Oh, yeah. I've never seen a movie and no one's ever done that in a movie. And he's doing good.

He will make a flat. I'm not good. I'm not good. He makes the toilet paper flat? Yeah. And stay there all day. Mine fall out about 10 minutes, you know, because I'm walking around. That's not really bad thing.

It's not bad thing? No. It's a question. That's all. I know. It's a kind of protect. It's a protect. It's your body.

Yeah, yeah. But when you get old, everything lose. Everything. Yeah. You have a urine often. Yeah, it's true. And sometimes when you laugh, you have a loose, you know. It's called incontinence.

So like when you get a little bit older, your bladder muscles become a little bit weaker. And then your sphincters become a little bit like not as strong. So you have like things like anal leakage and you have like bladder incontinence. So when you laugh, you pee. Yeah. When you laugh, you pee before. A little bit. Oh yeah, a little bit.

Yeah. And did you go to the bathroom right away or? I told my doctor too and he said that's normal. It's normal for just getting older. Yeah. I do not know that. Yeah. As long as it's not too, too much.

I know, but just a little bit. But I knew it, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Even after pregnancy, it happens. Oh yeah. Pregnancy. A lot of things happen.

I think this is the most painful thing in the world. Yeah. Like having a baby. No. Like a baby can out there. Yeah. A baby coming out. Yeah.

Giving birth. It hurts. Yeah. It's like a, like somebody pinch you, you know, like with, you know, that, uh, what is this? What? What? You mean like a screwdriver?

A screwdriver. Yeah. It's like somebody taking a screwdriver in your vagina. Oh, oh yeah. No, you can't say that. So you have to respect your mom. Yeah. Because good mom and mom, they all go through that, you know.

Yeah. So you have to be really respect the mother. Respect. Yeah. You cannot look down like your son makes a day look down women. They cannot write. You can't look down any woman. Right.

Any woman, you know. Because birthing is a sacred thing, you know. Sacred. Yeah. Can we talk about dad's rage going up? Daddy what? His temper. Oh, now he has a temper.

Even today, you didn't open the, you know, that car door. Yeah. And he had his, you know, the stroke. Yeah. I said, doesn't matter. He'll be out. And he pushed and he goes, you know, he got mad. Oh, it's my fault.

No. So I said, you know why you don't get mad with Bobby and say, he bring the bacon at home, you know. Oh, I bring the bacon. Yeah. But, you know, he and men and then I forgot all over it, you know, because he does sometimes. Because growing up, he would, he would hit us and stuff going up. Yeah.

That's not. Yeah. Parents is a kind of normal. No, you have no idea. You would do shit like, like if you looked at him wrong. Yeah. He would look at you wrong and then he would chase you down the hallway and smack you. No, you know what?

That's why I always prevent. I kind of protect them. Yeah. I do the first, you know. Oh, so then she hit me first. Yeah. So I hit first. So she would hit you first just to protect you.

Yeah. But then you would end up being angry at her. Then he did, you know, less because I kind of, you know, block them, you know. And I go to go to study, whatever. What is the worst thing I did growing up? Except from drugs. Like, do you remember incidences? You have sharp lifting one time.

Oh, sharp lifting. Yeah. So I went down there. Yeah. I took you and Stephen down there and gave them money and I tell him to say, you know, sorry. You know, sorry. What did he steal?

I don't remember. It's a kind of drug store, you know. So after that, he didn't do it. He's a really good kid in his heart. But at that time, maybe all the teenagers, others don't do that, you know. I was a bad kid. I didn't go to school because I understand him because he's got my DNA, you know. Yeah.

I skipped the school. Yeah. That's why I couldn't hardly go to the high school. Same with him, right? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, summer school. He couldn't get his diploma.

Yeah. But after summer school, he got it. Yeah, my senior year. Because he had to be in summer school at that year. Because my junior year, my sophomore and my junior year and what was in rehab. So then my senior year, they said, you have to do another year. You did it. And then my parents were like, no, he's going to do extra to graduate with his class.

So summer school. So I took summer school, but I also took a zero period and like a seventh period was really fucking bad. But they, in graduation, they give you diploma, but that was a fake one. It was a fake diploma. Yeah. So you walked still. Oh, yeah.

But so nobody really knew. But it was a blank diploma. Yeah. I didn't tell anybody. No, and they want to hide, you know. They don't want to embrace him, you know. But after he graduated high school, were you worried about what he was going to do with his life?

I wouldn't worry about it because I want him to just stop drugs. Oh, so that was the interest. Yeah, because we are not that great people, you know, with the little business. What, you know, if he didn't go to medical school lawyers, what can he do? He got to go to our job, you know, he got to have a business. Yeah. So I'm not really worried about just, I worry about drugs and stuff like that. Then he got on, he got, you know.

So then when I was 23, and I told you that I was doing comedy, be honest. How did you feel about it? I feel not bad because, you know, I had a dream, I want to be an actress. You wanted to be an actress. Yeah, because if I was pretty enough or tall enough, but I wasn't like that, you know. I'm not tall or pretty. No, but she wanted to become an actress. She wanted it, but she didn't wish she was tall enough.

Oh my gosh, she got my DNA. So you had the same dreams as her? Yeah. But it didn't turn out me. Because you didn't try? I know. Maybe, also it's different. She didn't have the same opportunities as you.

And I have to go to college in Korea. You got to graduate college, otherwise they don't treat you right. So that's my mom's dream. I go to, you know, the best university, you know, like Seoul University. I have to, but just finish college and then they look down on you. Right. Yeah, but then I came to the United States. Yeah. My parents have always been good about also, because I got sober so young, that I could say stuff like,

you know, I had sex with a prostitute and they'd be like, you know what I mean? Like I could tell them everything. Like I've told you everything. I know. I couldn't stand. I said, don't, don't, don't tell me. Like I've done some gay stuff as a kid, sucking penises and stuff. I don't know. I know, but you, I know.

No, but, no, no, just, just listen. Just listen, just listen. I told you that, you know what I mean? I would suck penises sometimes. But I, you just make me laugh, you know. That's not true. It is true. No, not to me. But it happened.

No, I didn't believe that, you know. I have own dream. You have your own dream. I have your own world. You have space dreams. Right. So you and Steven is in my dream. Yeah.

Not others. Oh, I see. If you did it. Yeah. Okay. You don't tell. You have your own idea of your truth. Yeah.

But I told him, don't tell me those kind of things, you know. So uncomfortable to listen to it, you know. Why? Some cannot tell mommy like that. Why would you, why would you feel the need to tell your mom? Yeah. Because usually you don't tell your parents. I know.

I never tell my parents anything I do wrong. I know, but the thing is, is that, because I love you so much and I want to share everything with you. I know. But that's uncomfortable. I know, but that's. Nobody, no parents want to hear then from all kids. But doesn't it feel, doesn't it feel good that your son loves you so much and you want

to share everything about what I'm doing in my life? One time he took my picture, like about 100 pictures from top to bottom. Yeah. So I tell my sister, she goes, you are lucky to have children. They don't, their children don't do that, you know. Yeah. So everybody envy me right now. Yeah.

Yeah. I've worked with my parents. I know. You know. So I, I love my parents too. Some people say bad things, but I respect my parents, my father and mother, you know, because they raised me because when I see the world going, they raise me in, you know, like during the Korean war and we are everybody.

Over the years, I've realized I've gotten a lot of trades from you. Okay. You know, I've gotten good ones. Yeah. You know, you're very funny and I've gotten that. And very honest. You're fashionable. Yeah.

Like I've always been obsessed with. We're kind of hoarders in a weird way. Yeah, but I, it's, it's not clutter. I have many things. Yeah. It's kind of, I have a tendency to go hoarders, but I'm organizing. Yes, so she can, she's not a hoarder because I'm organizing everything that she keeps has sentimental value.

Yeah. Like pictures. Everything here is neat. You're more of a hoarder because your home is a disaster, Bobby. Even one day. Yeah. Up there. I go, my God.

It's everywhere. It's really, he's something else. Yeah. I'm a, I'm a hurricane Katrina. Yeah. Me too. I say, I tend to do it, but I watch the hoarders because I don't want to do it. Yeah.

You know, because I should watch the hoarders. Yeah. Because so dirty. Yeah. They have fungus and they have fishes, you know. And they have the cats in the fridge. I know. And, and what is it?

What is it? What is it? Shit. No, no, no, no. It's animals. Skunk. Skunk. Yeah.

Dead skunk there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pawsons there. Yeah. You know, rabbits there. Yeah. It's gross. I know.

So I say, I, I'm not that way. Yeah. Because I have a lot of boxes. One time I have a whole room of boxes, it's Costco boxes. Yeah. Because I love them. So hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And they divide it. So I make, I put the black tapes, I make a bookshelves from them. You didn't know, right? I saw it. Yeah. Yeah. From Costco. So whenever I go to Costco, I always watch the box if I can take it or more.

Yeah. Yeah. But that's a hoarder. Hadam, what about you? Hadamster. But I know, but you pick up stuff from the street. That's from the street. Yeah.

It's up there. You can tell, right? It's up there. It's up there. There's a black table corner. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's not ugly.

It's nice. Yeah. You can pull out. Yeah, but somebody's throwing, throwing. Well, why? They didn't know the value. I know the value. Yeah.

That's the beginning of hoarderism. No. That was a year ago. I know. I love it. You have picked anything up there. No. I don't pick anything.

It's treasure. Treasure? Yeah. Really? I've never heard of that before. Yeah. Because a lot of, when I go, you know, like I trace sometimes, not everybody pick it up because it's so nice, hangers, racks, they cannot find that.

You know, whenever I took them up, everybody cleaned up, you know. Wow. So, we exchanged things. I took our keys three times, somebody took it already. You know. I want to know what you're, what you think about what's going on in the world. I want to ask you some questions. Oh, yeah.

How do you feel about ISIS? Oh, my God. That's the worst than communists, you know, to me. The worst than communism. Communism. Why? Because communists, they don't kill women. Oh, yeah.

And they just don't kill children. Yeah. But here they kill women and children, you know, and make a hostage. Yeah. You know, and they, if they don't believe their religion, they just kill them. You know, so. It's wrong. Yeah.

And this is the 21st century. It is. Yeah. And it happens. It's crazy. I can believe it, you know. What do you think about Donald Trump? Oh, my God.

I really disagree with, you know, because that's not right. I cannot judge with religion. I'm not belong to any religion, but I respect every religion, like Christians, Buddhism and Jewish. Really though? Yeah. Some way. Some ways.

Yeah, some way. But I don't want to belong to that. And I don't want to be my 10 percent. But let me ask you this. I want you to be. Lenny, weren't you baptized Mormon? Yes. Yeah.

I married in Mormon church, too. You married in a Mormon church? Yeah. Look at that one. Over there, up there. Oh, yeah. My brother in law was a Mormon, and he invited me here, you know. But did you try Jehovah, too?

Me. You tried Jehovah. No, I studied with the Bible with them, and they are not bad people. Very honest. Yeah, yeah. They're not bad people. No. Did you knock on doors?

No, Joanne. Yeah, but did you ever go out? No, I never go to church. Oh, you never went to church? They come to my house and teach me Bible. So why not? And they are really good, you know. They come to my house, and they even give me that Bible.

That was actually one of my first stand-up jokes. What was your first stand-up joke? One of my first stand-up jokes was my mom was Jehovah, right? And she would knock on my bedroom door. I'd go, what mom? She goes, just practicing. No, I don't ever got to go to people's house and knock their doors. Let me ask you this, though.

This is real. Be real. Honest. I'm always with it. Do you think some races are better than other races? Yes. I really. You do?

Yeah. But I don't want to share. Because they're very personal. It's very personal. Yeah. Because I know I'm better than somebody. They know they are better than us. You know, everybody thinks that way.

Everybody has biases, no matter what. It doesn't mean she's racist. It just means that that's different. You know, sometimes I don't like some race, but not everybody. Somebody come to my store, and they did the best. My mom used to own a clothing store. Yeah. Class size?

No, no, no. Regular and plus. And some people are really bad. Then I don't like them. Which people? No, I'm not going to say that. Could I just? No.

That's no, no. Then I'm going to be racist. Indians. All my doctors, Indians now, I respect them. But the Indians that came to your store, though? No, they just cut the price down. They tried to bargain too much. But I think some gypsies.

They stole a whole family car and spread out. So I'm the only one there. I'm standing. And I have to look everywhere. I couldn't do nothing because a whole family car. Father, mother, grandmother, children. What can I do? Because the last time I went to their store, I found something very disturbing.

What did you find? I was there at the store, and I looked down below the cash register. And guess what I saw? A gigantic yellow. Like a big jug of piss. What's that? Urine. Really?

Your dad used it. It's a big room. Yeah, but why was there a jug of piss? Because we don't have a bathroom there. Oh, let me tell you something. He is exactly the same. He's in the bathroom. In his house, in his balcony, all you see is one big giant gallon of tea.

Oh my God. And it's been there for like six years. Oh my God. So when I first started seeing him, and I didn't know him too well, I would go to the balcony and I would keep smelling something weird. And then finally I went and looked at it, and he made me. He told me, you have to carry it, and then you have to pour it inside the toilet. Oh my God.

So I did it for him because I loved him. Like my husband, he go outside rainy day. And then suddenly he pee. I said, you know what, you have three bathrooms inside. Why go outside and do it? He said he liked it. Yeah, it's maybe the same reason why you sleep naked. Freedom.

I don't, maybe. Yeah, it's called freedom. So what can I do? I mean, it's a rainy day. You don't want to come down anywhere. Natural house. So dad and I pee in strange places. Oh my God.

Yeah, he does. One time I was in your bathroom, taking a bath. And I didn't think dad was home. That was masturbating. And he came in and he laughed at me. Really? Yeah. He goes like this.

He goes. He goes. And then he walked out. He understand that. Well, you've seen him masturbate? No, not after getting married. Maybe before. Oh, you never saw him masturbate?

No, why? I am there. I masturbate a lot. I know. Because that's better than go prostitute. No, even now. Leave him alone. That's natural.

I mean, he's a hormone. He cannot go out and have sex with any other girls. So better doing at home than go out. That's okay. Always, always, always in the bathtub. Oh, really? Sometimes I'm half asleep. You're a good girl.

How can you forgive him like that? Always in the bathtub with his iPad. And he's watching porn. And then I walk in by accident. I don't know. I don't know that he's in the bathtub. So I walk in by accident. He's like.

Are you proud of him? Oh my God. Are you proud of him? I'm proud of him. Because if he did the tomb, I got so mad. Really? The guy was there. Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm not crazy. Because it is when a woman sees a guy like masturbating, they think to themselves like, oh, am I not good enough? I know. That's what I mean. Yeah. But that's not it.

No. Because man, if they see, that's why they can, they bent to watch the porn movies. Yeah. Because, you know, when you are not, you just don't judge you really good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then you do like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I cannot touch everything.

What should I do? I don't know what to do, really. What do you mean? I didn't know you were masturbating because I never see you. Yeah, that's fine. But even I saw you. Yeah. What can I do?

What can I do? So you never saw him when he was younger? You never saw him? No, I never. Never Steve? Never? No, because he had his own room. Stephen had his own room.

Yeah. And, you know, night time, I thought that's all safe, you know. To me, that's all done. Yeah. So I really didn't know. I stole so much money from you growing up, mom. Yeah. You know, Andy too.

Yeah. Stephen too. Yeah, we all stole money from them. But you pay me back now? I did. No, but I understand, you know what? Because when you have, no, when you don't have money, you know, when you're young, everybody trying like that.

This deal? Yeah, little bit, because you don't have money. But I stole like thousands. Yeah, you cannot steal from other people. Yeah, yeah. Family is a family. They know, but sometimes they just pretend not to see it. You're very understanding in that one.

Oh, yeah. Because I did it too. Yeah. Where I have money to go to get the train ticket. Yeah. I stole something, you know. Let's talk about, I want to ask you some questions about what you, I want to know what you like. So give me your top five American actors.

Top five American actors? Yeah. If you ask me Korean actors, I can give you right just like that. Just give me three than American actors that you like. No, Korean actors, I know. Okay. Give me some Korean and American. Okay.

Okay. Number one, your favorite actor. Kim Su-hyun. Kim Su-hyun. Hyun. Hyun. Who is he? Oh, the guy that you just saw.

He looks like every other Asian I've ever seen. No. He's a very cute. Yeah, but I've seen a lot of Asians that look like that. No. No? He's number one. He's number one.

In, even in China. In China. And Korea. He's number one. Yeah. Okay. He looks like a doll. Yeah, he looks like a doll.

Is that him? Yeah, he, yeah. But he, he had this, everything he's on hit. It's always a hit. Yeah. King. Yeah. He was like from another space.

Yeah. And he was another space. He was another space? No, movie. Like he was a space? Every other alien. He was an alien. He was an alien.

He was an alien. And he was a thief. He was a thief. Yeah. And he was a North Korean army man. Wow, the range. Everything. And he was a singer.

Oh, shit. Triple threat, babe. And he was the best in Korea right now. Every actor. Yeah. He's a number one. Okay. Your opinion, number two, what's your favorite?

Number two, Korean? No, just anybody. You, Jesse. You, Jesse. He's a comedian. He's a comedian. Number one comedian. Yeah.

You, Jesse. Over you, she didn't pick you? No, that's fucking rude. No. No, you're not. You're not. You guys, you guys, you guys, you're not Korean. That's fucking rude.

How do you say you, Jesse? Y-O-U. Y-O-U. J-A-E. J-A-E. Uh-huh. How about an American actor? Not you.

No, not me. I'm your son. Don't expect me to pick you. Yeah, because you pick my movies. You're Jason. Yeah. He's over everybody. He's the number one in Korea.

Then number two is another lady and number three is Kim Ji-hyo. How about an American now? American. No, I don't have right now, but I have all. Anyone? Anyone? Anyone? Elvis Presley was my number one.

Elvis Presley is your number one? Yeah. I think you're like Tom Hanks. No, I never see Tom. Oh, Tom Hanks. I like him. Not Tom Kai. Tom Hanks I like.

Yeah. Why don't you see Tom Hanks? I didn't come because I didn't see his movie long time. What movies have you seen him in? Tom Hanks. You know, I just watched a Korean movie right now. So every Korean... What movies have you seen Tom Hanks in?

Oh, that one. What? Photos. First time. Yeah, that's very good. And that one. That one. That one.

That one. Da Vinci beat. Da Vinci code. Da Vinci code. She said it already. That's fine. Don't correct her. Number three.

Da Vinci code and another one. Devil and angels and devils. That's good. Angels and demons. That's fine. Angels and devils. Number four. And bodies.

You know, like when he was the first to come out. He was pretend he's a woman. Yeah, yeah. Body or something. Yeah, it was calm. It was the first to saw. Yeah, but somebody's. Yeah, yeah.

Number five. Another Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks. Where were you? Tom Hanks. I can't remember. Splash. Yeah.

Splash. Yeah, yeah. And sleep nice. Sleep nice in Washington, Seattle. Yeah, yeah. Sleep night in Seattle. Yeah. Sleep night in Seattle.

Yeah, yeah. In Washington. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. How about didn't he do one called Big? Oh, yeah. I saw that. Oh, yeah.

I just don't remember. Yeah, yeah. So you remember. Remember, I says Maria instead of hello. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just can't, you know, if you didn't watch them. Like the Korean I watch every day. So I know who they are.

So I came in the house. Well, it was actually me first. Yeah. And you had, you kept telling me that there's a song that I want to find out what it is. And I heard it a long time ago. And Maria. She says it has the words Maria. I was sure.

Yeah. And you were like, I has Maria. So I went all the money. I googled every song that had the word Maria in it. And I couldn't find it. Right. But you said, Oh, the, it has the video of someone playing tennis. Right.

Right. Yeah. But then she said to me, she fucking says to me, they're two male singers and they play tennis. Yeah. Right. Definitely Maria. Yeah.

Definitely. 100% towards it. So I googled musical duos. Yeah. The list on Wikipedia. Right. And then she goes, the first one name, it starts with the S. And G.

And the last name. And the last guy, the second guy is the start with the G. Let's say girl. It's European. Yeah. Europe. And I said maybe English. Seals and crops.

So I went to iTunes and we played some seals and, you know, every music. And then I went to holla notes. Did a couple of them. Yeah. Yeah. I played Carlos Santana. Yeah. And then then who is a Spanish?

Oh yeah. Ricky Martin. Ricky Martin. Yeah. Maria. I played everything. Well, I don't care. I love gays.

Okay. Yeah. I love them. They are not, you know, people like that. So if I was gay. I'll accept you. No, I'll accept you. Even if I was like, because guys are sticking their penis.

I don't see that. I don't see that. Yeah. But if I went mom, I'm gay. No. Just listen. Just listen. If I say mom, you know what I mean?

I have black dick in my butthole all the time. So what can I do? There's nothing you can do. Kill you? No, you can't kill me. No. You would accept me. Yeah.

You are my son. With a loose butthole. It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. No. Because we are human. We are human. Really?

What can I do? What can you do? It's a song called Hello. Not Maria. It was Hello. By a European DJ named Martin Solvig. Yeah, right. Martin Solvig.

It's a song that goes, I just came to say hello. Hello. There's no Maria. Hello. I know. You know. Why did you think Maria then? I don't know.

But thank you. Now I know. It's a hello. That was three hours of her life. I know. Oh my God. I was sure. Because I heard the Korean history movie.

Yeah. I heard the song. So I look at all, you know, Korean movie. I saw it like a few days. I couldn't find it. Then he goes. And he, last time he goes, you know, he goes, I go, you know, marching. Yes.

That's the one, you know. The one. Yeah. Because I knew that song. Okay. Let's go do other things that you like. Music. Okay.

Top five bands. Martin Solvig. Martin Solvig. I don't know. But growing up, like. Oh, monkeys. You like the monkeys. Yeah.

Sing me a song. Hey, monkeys. Monkey. All right. Yeah. Oh yeah. Sing me another one. But I'm the believer.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's very good. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la la. Do you also like the Beatles? Oh yeah. I love the Beatles.

Sing a Beatles song. Hey Jude. Yeah. La la la la la. Another one. Uh, yesterday. La la la la la la la la. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's very good. Very good. You don't know any of the words. No. I have to memorize. You have to memorize some. But I know Denny's, you know. Oh Denny's boy.

The pipes. The pipes. So forth. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Because like Scotland, you know. Yeah, Scotland. I'm kind of like classical and folk songs in a like country. And I love John Denver too.

Yeah. Yeah. So I love kind of everything. You do? Yeah. Yeah. And classical I want to play. Remember play piano.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's another thing that I want to thank you is growing up. And I bought for him Steinway. Grand piano. He's really good on the piano. I know. I bought him Steinway. It's like a very big one.

Yeah. Oh, it was, it was an actually a creative outlet for me because as a kid, right. I would come home to school and just play the piano and stuff and make up my own songs and stuff. And you flew too. I flew the flute. Yeah. And Steven play violin.

I want to find something what they are good at. Yeah. So I let him play football, baseball, you know, like, you know, softball. Yeah, yeah. Hockey, tennis, golf, surfing, everything. Yeah. And I didn't find ingenious. I said, okay, I failed them, you know.

But I don't regret it because I try my best. You know what? You did the best you could. Yeah, I know. And I want to say you did a very good job. Yeah. If I raise again, I think I'm going to do the same thing because I don't know the other way.

Yeah. So you wouldn't change anything about your life then? No, I love my life right now. Yeah. I told him yesterday. This is the most, you know, like a happy life because I don't have to worry about kids anymore. If you have a struggle, he's over 40, what can I do?

So leave him alone. If he needs food, he can survive. Maybe he comes to me. Then I'll take him, you know. But you know, if he have a kid out of wedlock, maybe I'll take them because I don't want him to, you know, go the street like that. But I don't have to really worry about it because they are adults right now. You love Kalayla.

You love Kalayla. Oh, yeah. She's like, yeah, daughter, you know. And so comfortable. She's my best girlfriend. You know, comfortable because usually foreign country girls or whatever men, so uncomfortable. We have friends there. About two hours, gosh, I was in like a hot seat.

You know, I couldn't, because they, I cannot communicate with them. You know, they have to talk to me one to one, but they talk to each other. I can get in there because I don't know what they're talking about. So I always be foreigner. Yeah. I like losing space all by myself. Yeah. So whenever he say go to, forget I said no.

I understand it because my mom, her first language is not English. Right, right. So I know that she's very uncomfortable when she meets people who speak English really well. Yeah. And she always just sticks with me. So she's always scared to jump into conversation. Right.

Because they don't understand it. Yeah. So I knowing that about her makes me understand you better. No, because I don't speak English well. I don't know what they're talking about. It's also weird because Colila's best friend in America was Korean. Right. Because you are comfortable to Korea.

Yeah. That's why I, I could, she can come here and sleep in this house. I know. It smells like the fish market. This is a nice house. My best friend's house smells a little strange. Yeah. I know.

I, you know why? Because you didn't tell me you are coming. I really baked the fish last time. And she said, you know I'm coming. I said, he didn't tell me. He told me like two weeks ago. Don't worry. So I said, well, what can I do?

So I go upstairs. I bring everything down here because my thing's up there. Yeah. And I got kind of sweat over because two hours I have to do everything down, you know. And I have to clean that bathroom, you know. What do you think? What do you think about, I know most Koreans want their sons to marry Korean. How important is that for you?

Well, like a few years ago I thought the same thing. Because I feel, you know, comfortable. When I speak the Korean guy, I feel really acting really good because he speaks Korean. Yeah, it makes sense. You know, because I feel comfortable. You know. It's important too because it's like, I understand that because you want to be able to communicate with your daughter-in-law.

Yeah. Right, right. Like you here and we don't talk and we do other things. Very uncomfortable. That's uncomfortable. Yeah. But like first day, and I thought when he say, mom, I'm going to bring my girlfriend. And I go, oh my God.

Where's she from? She's from the Philippines. Oh my God. You know. He didn't tell you about, you know. Then when she got here, oh my God, she, I mean, she looks so comfortable. Yeah, yeah. And she come to daddy like that, to me like that, and daddy said, I like her.

Yeah, yeah. Because we usually don't like people like that, you know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Even she, many, many years we are so uncomfortable. Even next door, he was like, 15 years we neighbor, I'm not comfortable with them. I mean, uncomfortable one-to-one, but I'm not comfortable with them. Yeah. You know.

It's not the same. I understand it. Yeah, we go to restaurant. Yeah. They talk with their things. Yeah. So when they come to my friends, same thing. They are uncomfortable too.

I was really similar when I first came from the Philippines, and I was 15. I avoided white people. Right. Because I just couldn't understand like the sense of humor. I always felt like they were judging me. Right. Because I'm a really thick accent. So I would always like isolate myself and run away.

But like you are pretty and you are tall, even you do that. Like I'm short, I'm not that pretty. What do you think about, you know? But when I got it, I made it to daddy right away. We live together, right? Before we get married. Yeah. Like one and a half years.

Yeah. So kind of he protect me. He make good money all these years, you know, through, you know, what happens, you know? That's why even he did some bad things, like few times really. Like not two thousand. Yeah. About two times. Then he had more good side.

He provide, I mean, he never ask me how to spend the money. He just gave it. Yeah. He always gave it. She would like, we're building a gazebo. Yeah. I built a gazebo, you know. And a koi fish pond.

A waterfall. Yeah. A good provider is the best thing you can have. He never ask. Yeah. Even he never ask now or before. Yeah. That's why I take it up and really good.

When you said you're going to have a leather jacket, I'm going to give you a leather jacket this year for fucking Christmas. Yeah. He asked me what I want this year. Or change your cell phone, you know. I have an old cell phone. Okay. Yeah. She's okay.

Yeah. Most bad girls, they only ask you money. She doesn't. And they run away. She's great. So she seems like she doesn't do it, you know. He tries to give me money. I know.

But you give me like money like this. But you just push it away. And there's nothing I need. She's low maintenance. Okay. I mean, like, you know, I don't need clothes. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, mom, thank you so much for having me here. I'm sorry. If I speak better, maybe I can visualize more, you know. No, no, no. I wish that you live closer. Yeah. I wish too. And I were thinking that we should, if we lived closer, we would take college courses

together. Yeah. And essay, she can teach me how to write an essay. Because I really want to go to college. I know. Even I told my niece. Yeah. She said, mom, and you are so old, why you want to go to college?

I said, I didn't finish my college in Korea. I want to finish it something before I go forever. I want to finish my chapters here, you know. Now, why, you said you wanted to take Japanese. Why do you want to learn Japanese? Because, like, between Korean and Japanese, you know, like a little tension. Tension. Why?

Tell people. Because, you know, they occupy Korea for no reason for 38 years. And what do they do to you? Nothing. No, what do they do when they occupy Korea? Oh, my God. They, like, maybe worse than Nazis. Really?

Yeah. Same thing, Nazis, you know, it just doesn't export. They rape. They rape and pillage. Oh, yeah. Girls, you know. They kill. Oh, my God.

Virgins. What? They rip over. Virgins, they send to the armies. Yeah. And they rape them, go around them. Especially virgins. Because my grandmother, she had to get married at 13 and had a baby at 14.

Because she was afraid of being raped by Japanese men. Japanese women. They're rapers. Yeah, but they didn't come up. Because they're Japanese kind of strong country. It's a kind of cover. But you know what the good news? They have little dicks.

So you want to, you want to learn Japanese? What? You want to learn Japanese? Because I don't want to hate them. That's good. Yeah, it's a next country. And so, a lot of Japanese people are nice. Really.

They have full life. Yeah. And they are clean. Yeah. You know, I like them. Oh, I took it alone. That's the waiter from the restaurant. No, but why do you have it?

That's the waiter. He put it on his Instagram. That's Instagram. Yeah. Yeah. We saw, we went out to Korean restaurant here in China. Oh my God. Look at that.

Jeannie Lee. Bobby Lee's mom. Oh, he's cute. Yeah. Cute picture. Yeah. Yeah. So, you have face bigger because you are up front.

Yeah. He has a very big head, mom. That's good. Yeah. Because that means you are smart. Yeah. Yeah. My family call him genius because you cannot be a comedian if you are not genius.

You know. That's not true. And like I, you know, I, you have a 148. That's a genius too. No wonder she teach me really good. It's hard IQ. I just farted. I know.

I farted too. You went. Every day. Oh, I know you do. Anyway, that was great. Let's turn it off now. Oh, thank you. Thank you, mom.

I love you. That was great. Tiger Belly. Hey, Prime members, you can listen to Tiger Belly ad free on Amazon music. You can also download the Amazon music app today, or you can listen ad free with Wondry Plus in Apple podcasts. Before you go, tell us about yourself.