TigerBelly - Howie Mandel & The Opposite of Cheers

Episode Date: January 15, 2025

Comedian and host Howie Mandel storms into Bobby's bedroom. We chat real magic, Germany's Got Hoarders, lockjaw, fetus eating, Mexican Buddy Hacket, and big feet huge vagina. Immediate relief for families in Altadena fires Get the Performance Package 5.0 Ultra today and experience a shave that is as smooth as you deserve. Get 20% off + free shipping with the code [BELLY] at www.manscaped.com. That’s 20% off + free shipping with the code [BELLY] at www.manscaped.com The new gold standard is here with Robinhood Gold. To receive your 3% boost on annual IRA contributions, sign up at www.robinhood.com/gold  Visit www.bluechew.com for more details and important safety information, and we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. New players can play five bucks to get a spin on the mystery wheel for a shot at up to ONE THOUSAND in Casino Credits! Download the app and sign up with code TIGERBELLY. Then play Dollar Up exclusively on DraftKings Casino. The Crown is Yours.  

Hi guys, me, Ate Kalyla and the family and me and Tito Bobby just made a GoFundMe to help our Altadena neighbors. So if you want to donate and help, you can. You guys, let me say it bluntly. I've spent many years in Altadena with the family and it's a beautiful town and it was ravaged by fire and destroyed and we need to help people. town and it was ravaged by fire and destroyed and we need to help people and so go to the link below and help our Altadena family with this crisis. Is that what you wanted to say? Yeah. Me too. He sent a messenger? He sent you to tell me that he's going to be here soon? Is he paralyzed?

No, he's still sleeping. He's sleeping? Why don't we go to him? You have a handheld camera? Let's go wake him up. You want to film him? Yeah. Can we mic up Howie?

Yeah. We'll just use He tells me to be here and it's not like he's so he's sleeping. I'm gonna go fucking wake him up. You have audio. Okay, come on. The jewels are the dogs up here. The dogs dangerous. One of them. Bobby. Bobby. Bobby. What the jewels are the dogs up here are the dogs dangerous? one of them Bobby Bobby Bobby

Where you don't need to be here and fucking? You're sleeping you're fucking sleeping Oh, and you set up the whole place for me anyway, okay before What Alex yeah? Yeah yeah, why fire? Have you seen America's Got Talent dealer knows the Told me to be here. I'm a big fucking star. He's sleeping told me to be here at five point Yeah, he's not even up Fuck is the fuck is that? So fucking stupid. Who works out like this?

That's a Peloton. How do you even get to it? That's an excuse for not exercising. Do you watch American's Got Talent? That's the guy. This guy who pushes the buzzer. Do you watch TV? Sometimes.

Do you have TV be back home? I don't know you live here. Hey, would you ever want to come on a podcast me Ralph? No They wanted to come on there no, we just talked about movies and Netflix and chill Do you know who that guy is? Here are Jules and Jaime. You can ask how he was just, what happened? What just happened, dude? Where's the two of them? He got mad.

I think you guys asked your boss what happened. Fucking tells me to show up at five to one. Be here at five, not one. Not 115, not 113. Come here at five to one. When somebody gives you a time like five to one. Rich, did he not say five to one? Yes he did at five to one when somebody gives you a time like five to one Rich did he not say five to one? Yeah, be here at 1255 a specific time. Then you know, I have I

Respect that right? Yeah, cuz cuz he said come on. We'll do it at one I don't tell people come at five to one if I said said five to one, that means that's important. We need you here five minutes before we're gonna start because we are like a fucking, this is like science. You know, and he tells me to be here five to one and you come down because your aunt is paralyzed in the face. And then, well, I can't say that. You're making like, is that a bad thing to say? No, it's funny. No, it's because of stress, right? Yeah, it and then and then well you can't say that you're making like does that bad thing to say it's funny No, it's because of stress, right? Yeah, so now I get it now. I get it

You know what's it gonna happen halfway through this half my face watch what happens to have my face But he tells me to be here in five to one and he's fucking sleeping And he's got two house cleaners upstairs Eating muffins yogurt. That was wild. They were that was wild they were just eating they were just eating they're eating they're in in surrounded by the biggest fucking mess I've ever seen in my life just eating muffins and yogurt because oh walk much happy new year we start with a happy new year to you do we start with Oh, wow, come on. Happy New Year. Do we start with a happy new year to you?

Do we start with an apology? No, you know what? What? I expect an apology from you right now. No, I want one from you. No. I don't give a fuck. I think BGT is way better than AGT.

Whoa. All right. They have better judges. Whoa? They have better judges. Woo! They have better judges! All right? Secondly, you got me. Don't hit me.

Also, Howie, no one's ever been on my level upstairs. That's private area. Yeah, where the cleaning ladies are sitting in the midst of a mess eating muffin and yogurt. OK. And thirdly, Jeter. Thirdly, I know doesn't even answer. Who's Canada? You know, Canada doesn't even care about you anymore. And that's what I want to talk about. What are we talking about? You're from Canada. I talked to Choudeau. He resigned. I know. That's why I talked to

him. I'm the one that did it. Oh, why don't you tell him now? Yeah, also on top of that I'm gonna be here at five to fucking one. All right And then also said it can I ask you this? No. Yeah. Go ahead. You bring Matan. You know Matan Why you smiling now? Because you told him to go fuck himself. Yeah. Yeah, and why are you so buddy buddy with him anymore now? Why are you not what I don't know why. I'm still thinking about it. Also, that's one of my favorite people. You're not as sharp like with-

I just woke up! I know! That's the fucking problem. You're using me on it. I haven't been doing no Red Bull. I literally just woke up. Can I just say, no, let's do this quietly. You told me, you told me,

my buddy Rich is in the room you said be here at five to one mm-hmm in all my in all my years in show business people say Nikki Glaser killed it last night she was amazing Nikki Glaser killed it you know what and I know I she texted me this morning and I'm gonna tell you this how we mongol I have a tech You fucking idiot you're fucking idiot you're a fuck yourself you fucking piece of shit You're dead. This is the last time we're ever doing okay, so watch our last. I'll tell you that I'm not we're gonna work anymore We're gonna drive me up this you guys Bobby. Thank you. Let me see you. Oh you were great tonight Thank you so much. Let me see oh she next up Bobby, thank you. Let me see. Oh, you were great tonight.

Thank you so much. Let me see. Oh, she next out Bobby and put Howie in it. Okay. Nikki, thank you so much. Wait, wait, yesterday. During the Globes. Oh, shit, so I did it.

What? When did you do it? When did you have, not today. No, last night. If it was today, if you woke up to fucking texture, went back to sleep knowing that I'm showing up, I'm gonna touch you. Fuck you!

No wonder I'm gonna touch you, Howie, and you're gonna get the monkey pox. That would make sense. Do you want monkey pox? Somebody that's related to him, you made your ex-girlfriend's face die. That's how much stress you put in. Her aunt has half a face because of the stress

you put her under. I'm not happy. I'm usually happy. I'm not happy. Five to one, you're at five to one. I wanna say another thing to you, man. I just literally woke up. First of all, somebody's getting fired.

One of us, for sure. Somebody's getting fired. I think it's gonna be Alex. I think it's gonna be Alex. Pass me your George. I need this. No, EJ. And EJ. And you made me hang out in your gym. I was hanging out in the gym for a little while. Can I see your teeth real quick? They're nice. You've always had nice teeth. No, these are fake. I know, but they're really nice fake ones.

Thank you. Doctor, what's my doctor's name? Bob. Kevorkian. No, I shouldn't say it. No, because if I mention that name. I wish it was Kevorkian. I wish it was Kevorkian.

Yeah, you know that joke? I hope you're dead. I hope a doctor kills you. It's what I wanna say. That's a joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's the setup to that? What. What's the setup to that? What?

What's the setup to that? Oh, here we go. Now I'm going to get comedy fucking classes from Howie Mandel again. Oh, every week this guy comes in the corner store. You would do it. Thank you. At the laugh factory, did you ever teach the young people how to do comedy? Did you?

Where Tiffany Haddish started out? I taught her. Yeah, you did. And your lesson was, here's a great joke, I hope a doctor kills you! Yeah. You know what? It worked then! Well, I guess it worked then. It's like watching my two uncles fight. What? It's like watching my two old uncles fight about me.

Oh, Jaime, Jaime. Just bick green, old- Jaime, happy, happy. Old head. You don't think I should be mad though? Yeah. You do not see my point? Jaime?

You work here. No, Jaime, I don't care who pays you. Jaime, be honest with me. I'm going to settle down. You do not see my point. I mean, you did tell him it's five to one. Why five to one? Like, why not show up at one?

When you say five to one, what you're saying is there is a specific timeline to how I work things. I want you here exactly five minutes before I start. And then I come down. Your ex is paralyzed. Jules is here because... Have you seen him on TV before? Yeah. What did you see him on? America's Got Talent. Yeah.

With Simon Cowell. Don't scream at me. Yeah, Deal or, you never saw the- Why is she yelling? You never saw- America's Got Talent. Yeah, Deal or, Deal or No Deal. Deal or No Deal?

I was gonna say Deal or No Deal. Deal or No Deal? No. It was a talk show. I mean, a game show. I'm so tired, I just woke up. Huge. What?

It was huge. It was huge. It was huge. It was huge. It was. Yeah, yeah. But I think. If you're 90 and you live in Nebraska, you know it. If you're 90 and you live in Nebraska, you know it. Hey!

Oh, what? Oh, yeah, yeah. And I just say three words? Yeah. Dave and Busters. If you're there, you know that too. You can say that too. You'll learn no deal.

You'll learn no deal. Machine is big. You could win. I would imagine you'll win tickets and you'll get a little fluffy. And he's doing shows at Dave and Buster's too. So that's a good thing. Right. You know what I mean? All over across the country, guys.

Howie Mandel and David Buster's took a picture outside. Yeah. I bought my house. Well, you know, I know where you live to, Baldo. Look, this was outside your house. Yeah. I said he had a night, you know, because because the raccoons that's not the raccoons That's cuz the raccoons like me to do that's that's Bobby I'm eating a pizza finish the pizza goes I'm gonna sleep how he will be here in ten minutes That's what that is. Okay. I'm gonna tell you what's going on right now. There's so many different things going on. Okay

All right Look you you quiet now. Okay. Okay. That's? That's a way to deal with a guest on a podcast. You should have been like. You be quiet. What? I'll be quiet, I'll be quiet, I'm not gonna say anything. It's so funny, it's like, here's what's funny about you. You don't have progeria.

How? What? But you look like you have it, and that's insane. Is that like Howie Button? That's a crazy, you know what progeria is? Like when you get younger. No. You look like an old person. No, look aie Button? That's a crazy look. You know what progeria is? Like when you get younger. No. You look like an old person.

No, look a progeria, my friend. Yeah. Now he's going to throw words at me. Oh shit. Shit, man. It is me. It's me. You don't have it, but you have it.

He looks like he should talk. Well, um, okay. We can't make fun of them. I'm not making fun. You put up the picture. I'm giving him a voice. like, right, um, okay, Bobby, right? Bobby, why did you, why you sleeping? We can't make fun of them. You told me to be here. They got it.

I'm not making fun, you put up the picture, I'm giving them a voice. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's how they sound though. No, I tell you something, Bobby, you told me to be here at five to one, you're sleeping, what the fuck is wrong with you? And why are the cleaning ladies eating and not cleaning? So, um, it was just a little observation. I'm sorry.

When did you have time to load that up? He just did it. That's how quick my guys are. Really? I highly recommend you get Filipinos to work for you. I'm very well known in the Philippines. Oh, is he Joe's? Uh, I think so.

You didn't even know what deal or no deal was. No, but America's got talent. No, but that's big because we have a lot of Filipinos. But even before that, I was big in the Philippines because I worked with Chris Aquino. Do you know who that is? You know Chris Aquino? You worked with Chris Aquino?

But you don't know me. No. Okay, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm sorry, it's Jules. Excuse me. He's way bigger than Chris Aquino. But I'm from the Philippines. No, that's why, I know who you are.

Her dad was the president. It was the Philippines that got shot. It was Dave Coquino? Dave Coquino. You're not a big fan of Dave Coquino. They had Deal or No Deal. I did Deal or No Deal in Manila, and I ate...

Balut. With the egg. You tried it? Have you ever eaten balut? Yeah. Have you ever eat blood? Yeah. You know what it is? You also think it's some woman you met late after the show. But that's real funny. That's a good one. You know that I can't get girls. I ate her. Why does she have feathers in her?

Oh, yeah. How do you know Marcelita Pamo? Hmm. Was this the name of Marcelito Pomoy? Who's that? Do you know that? Marcelito... Oh, the singer. The singer. No. Oh!

You! He was... John J.T.! Fuck! A.G.T.! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow. Is his name Marcelito Pomoy?

You don't know the royalty, but you know some eight-year-old singer. There he is. There's Howie back in the day. All Filipinos. Oh, that's a Filipino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that. Look. Oh he is, there's Howie back in the day. All Filipinos. Oh that's a Filipino. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at that, look. Oh there's a Filipino. That's in the Philippines.

Why is the contestant white? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everyone's Filipino. And they had color TV back there? For the same reason we have Filipinos in this room. I'm like, I didn't know they had color TV in the 1920s but that's cool. Fuck you.

Oh, that's not funny. You don't like Progeria. You don't like color TV. You don't like progeria. You don't like color TV. You don't like any of my jokes today, you fuck. I love everyone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I love you too, man. You fucked me up.

You don't like Matan? I love Matan. Because Matan dominated him. That's why he doesn't like him. I would use a different word, I think, than that. I think, you know what I mean? Dominated. I don't think he likes you right now.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean, that night that you had him, I think, you know what I mean? Dominated. I don't think he likes you right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I mean that night that you had him, I was laughing, first of all, don't bring the kid around anymore. And you know what's so funny about Matan? I'm not gonna tell you who said this, but it was a guy that you know from the olden days, you know what I mean?

The 20s. Yeah, it was like Red Skeleton or somebody like that. Anyway, I'm... I'm just kidding. I love Red Skeleton. You know a lot of comedians say, if I could just make one person laugh, I'm doing my job. A lot of times it's just you.

Yeah, I know. It was either Burt Sahl or Red Skeleton, one of those, you know what I mean? My cohort. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, I go, I can't believe Howie was with Mataan at the Laugh Factory Monday night, right? This person says, because he knew you back then,

you know what I mean? And he goes, you don't know, Mataan is Howie. And they said that you were like him in the early 80s. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to annoy, just to shock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to be, so to shock. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just to be, so Matan told me, I did his podcast and he did my podcast and he told me,

I said, what do you wanna do? Like, what do you wanna do? He goes, I really wanna do standup. And I gave him some pointers and he showed up. I don't know that it went well. Did you see, he went to Koreatown and did it. Did you see him in Koreatown? You know, I'm not the mayor of Koreatown. I don't know why you'd come to me, lock eyes with me and go, did you see, he went to Koreatown and did it, did you see him in Koreatown? You know, I'm not the mayor of Koreatown,

I don't know why you'd come to me, lock eyes with me and go, did you know? Did you get the memo? Did you see him? And I go, yeah, I have nothing to do with Koreatown, but I believe you. You do have a lot to do with Koreatown. Remember you told me?

Oh, here we go. You took take saunas with Polly in Koreatown. Exactly. That's true. How did you know that? You play ping pong and take saunas. I was fascinated by that story. Don't you remember things?

You don't? You don't remember anything? What happened to him? Polly Shore. There's something different about you. What is it? It's Pejorio. I've never seen.

It's the onset of Pejorio. I've never seen you so Do you know that he takes saunas with Polly Shore? They both sit in a room naked and sweating and then play ping pong. I don't know who's Polly Shore. Polly Shore. Oh, he's big in the Philippines. Yeah.

Yeah, he's the weasel. She knows Harry Styles. He's the weasel. How old are you? 22. Oh, wow. Hi, man. Good morning.

How old are you? 28. Does anybody have a three in morning. How old are you? 28. Does anybody have a three in front of an age here? This side. Okay. Yeah. I'm this year, I have a seven in front of my age. You're 70?

I'm gonna be 70 this year. Whoa. You look young. Come on. Yeah. Wait, she said I look young and then you said no. He looks his age. Thank you. Yeah, Jaime. I look young and then you said no. He looks his age. Thank you.

Yeah, I mean. That's why you're here, dude. No. That's why you're my boy. I look old? That was amazing. You don't look old, but you look your age. You look, what's so wrong about that?

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. She complimented me and what the fuck are you, why is he here? Wait. Yeah. She's lying, I'm telling you. No, I'm seeing Z zaddy in front of me. Whoa.

Whoa, what does zaddy mean? Like hot zaddy. Yeah, like a dill. Yes. For an old person. Oh, you're a dill? I think that's what zaddy. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, so, but you just see me as an old person. No, not old person, you're eight. 70, and to you, 70 has always been young. You've been wise. I've been wise? In the past. You're a wise guy. In the past. I'm a wise guy.

Well, there are people your age that look better than you, like Kevin Neeland. Manscaped! Performance Package 5.0, ultra bi-manscaped. You guys, Manscaped! Performance Package 5.0 Ultra by Manscaped! You guys, Manscaped right here. Right here I have the famous nose trimmer. Yeah. Yeah? And what do you got there?

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Looks better than me. A little bit. Kevin Bacon? Arson Newhall, way better than you. That could be his, you know what I mean? This is Kevin Neeland, Jules. It's Kevin Neeland. Is he zaddy or is Howie zaddy?

Who looks better, me or Kevin Neeland? Howie. Put up Kevin Bacon. That's a good one. How old is Kevin? I don't know. Okay. I'm older than Kevin. Thank you. Put up Kevin Bacon. That's a good one. How old is Kevin? I don't know. Okay. I'm older than Kevin. Yeah. Okay. Anyway, that's how quick you know Kevin Bacon. Oh, exactly. Yeah. Look up Billy Zane. Billy. Look up Billy Zane. Who's better? Billy Zane or

Harvey Fidel? Me and Arsenio are touring together. I know, he's a great guy. What do you think of Billy Zane? Why do you go, I mean. You got Jaime? No, it's Howie. Okay, really? Howie, I mean, Jaime, why'd you, what's up with you, dude?

What's up? You're my guy, huh? Yeah. This year? Oh, what about Billy Idol? Okay, forget it. What about Billy Idol? We're not doing a game with Billy's now right now.

Billy? Yeah, we're not doing a Billy game. Billy Idol, we know all the Billy's, okay? Hi, me, but get, get. Who looks better, Billy or me? Yeah, yeah, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get,

get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, get, That's a fun joke. Thank you. Can you imagine if this was the audience in front of? That was fun.

That was a nice joke. That was good. No, we don't want any laughter here. Just comments. That was good. Ha ha. Yeah, cause when you said Q-tip, the whole room went in a frenzy.

Fuck you. What? Okay, fuck you, dude. All right? That's insane. What side of the bed did you wake up on? What fuck you, dude, all right? That's insane. What side of the bed did you wake up? What side did the bed, what? What side of the bed?

Here's another thing I'm pissed off about, okay? I never told Sarah, my interior decorator, to start today. I never gave her a date, so today I woke up. Wait, wait. Did this fuck, this is being interior decorated? This is, wow. The fact that you looked and you go,

oh my God, she must have decorated today. That's so fucking rude of you, dude. I know, I know, but it's honest. I'm like hi-ay. I'm how-ay. Is your health good? Me? Yeah. I think it's good.

Is your health good? I just shit myself You look you do look great man. I know it's seven years old 22. What a legacy. I'm a legacy Oh, what a legacy. Let's do how you have no idea who I am, right? Yes why because do nor do and AGT and Give him one more. Please give him one more. There's a TV show Okay, good. No, no, huh? Yeah, give me one more please give him one more there's a TV show okay yeah give me one second yeah that's the name of TV show give me one second no not me not really funny hi mate but no no oh but the q-tip was funny

Yeah, dog, yeah. Slam. Name one more show. I can't think of it right now. One more show. St. Elmo's Fire. Is that what it's called? St. Elmo's Fire. Is that?

One more show. You know St. Elmo? What? St. Elswear. No, that's Elswear. That was St. Elmo's Fire. Oh. Is that what it's called?

I don't know about know. Look it up. But it's not elsewhere. Nobody knows me here. This is the opposite of Cheers, where no one knows your name. Where nobody knows your name. Who's in that? No, that's not it. What's it called?

He pulled up another show. What was it? Doctor Show. It was 80s Doctor Show. Little Monsters. 80s doctor show. Little Monsters. The 80s doctor show. Look it up. Little Monsters. St. El's.

Denzel Washington. You know who he was in the show with? A TV show with? Look at the cast. Go down to the cast. Go there. Denzel's in it. Where's Howie? You don't see me? Up, up, go up there!

There he is! Howie Mandel and Denzel. I wonder if the queer structure was a little different, no? He still calls me, he'll go, how would you play this scene? And I go, listen, let's move on. You're on your own, buddy. You are on your fucking own. And then, you know the they got the bottom who?

Go to left left left one more him. Yeah, mr. Feeney from oh, I mean world. Oh, wow. Yeah Is he still alive? Yes. Okay. Yeah a lot of the guy in the far right was that is he's gotta be dead Yeah, that guy he just died last year at 106 No, yeah, he is Norman Lloyd. Look, Norman Lloyd, he was just in that movie, Trainwreck, he was in... Did you ever call Norman after your success? Yeah, me and Judd Apatow went out for lunch with him

a couple of weeks before he died. Wow. Are you being real? I am, I don't fuck around, I'm being serious. Yeah, I saw him all the time and I gave him an award. Yeah, yeah. And you know what he's famous for? He was in, you wouldn't know this.

Have you ever heard of Alfred? You're saying no even before I tell you? Okay. Alfred. Daddy. He was in a movie called Spellbound. He was the bad guy for Alfred Hitchcock in the Alfred Hitchcock movie.

So I started writing. Anyway. You worked with Charlie Chapman. Anyway. All right, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not for, it's for. Yeah, rest in peace, John. What's his name?

Norman. Norman St. Ellsworth. St. Ellsworth. You don't know this show? The Monsters? No. Yeah, yeah. You don't know this show?

Do you know this show? Oh, so, uh. I'll sing a song. I was at the bottom of the pool. I don't recall how long. But it must have taken a while. Cause I had time to write the song. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. If you say it again, I'm gonna say no, but you repeated it you're like fucking Here's one I have no idea. Is it Rem and Stimpy? No. No. Yeah, I think I was having a nervous make great time This is a whole episode. This is scary Scariest episode I've ever done because at any moment he could just go. There it is. There's Bobby's world.

You ever see Bobby's world? No. No. Doesn't matter. That's not in the Philippines. Take it off. What? That's not in the Philippines.

That was a TV show, but I did a movie with the same voice. Yeah, yeah. Anyway. Gremlins, gremlins. Do you ever see gremlins? Yeah. Don't feed them after 12. That's me, Gizmo.

Are you really Gizmo? Yeah. Be honest. I swear to God. Look it up, if he's Gizmo. Are you really Gizmo? Yeah. Be honest. I swear to God. Look it up, if he's Gizmo. Kaka Magwa. Oh you are! I am.

You are Gizmo. I am. Did they pay you for that? That's me. Watch, that's me. There's Gizmo. That's me. Yeah.

There's Howie. There's Howie. When I had hair. Yeah, yeah, there is. There is. There is. Uh-huh. That's me. This When I had hair. There he is. That's me. This is the voiceover. The Christmas movie.

Disinfect that whole box. It took like 12 hours to disinfect that box. Anyway. Do you know the name of that? Yeah. Mugwai. Mugwai. I would highly recommend you see this movie. It's Gremlin. It's Gremlin? Yeah. Lookwai. Magwai. Magwai. I would highly recommend you see this movie.

It's Gremlin. It's Gremlin? Yeah, yeah. Look at him. Anyway, so how about a round of applause for Howie Mandel? You want to plug it in? What a morning. No, I don't want to.

Get him out of here. I know. You want to plug it in? What are you plugging in? I woke you up. He has a podcast with his daughter. She's great. Howie Mandel does stuff. His son is very thick. What are you blogging? I woke you up. He has a podcast with his daughter. She's great.

Howie Mandel does stuff. His son is very thick. And then I had one with Harlan Williams too. Oh, that's right. That's like, what a great, you met Harlan, remember? Did you like him? I liked him. So far, who do you like better?

No, your zadier. Zadier? Mm-hmm. See that? Who's funnier right now, just based on what you know? Look at her, she got nervous. Is it your eyes? Yeah, yeah.

Be honest, Harlan or Howie so far? Oh, she thought it was gonna be you or me. No, no, no. Did you think he was gonna say you or me? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. And the fact that she couldn't even jump and go you means me.

Right? When you say who's funnier and she thinks it's gonna be and she has to go like that, it's not hard to say your boss, the guy that's paying you. The guy. I've had enough of you You guys really funny. You're funny. I'm really funny Yeah, you know what I'm about to do dude if you if your attitude right doesn't change doesn't thank you Bobby needed some help

Lot of people use cue cards you have Forgot the second half. A lot of people use cue cards. You have him. You're so fucking funny. I watch you. This is the biggest addition to your show. I love, I watch every week to see him and then, yeah, yeah. So, if it gets worse, I'm gonna touch you.

I don't mind being touched. I just don't like being touched in the hands. Yeah, I'm gonna touch your hand. Why did I give that away? How do you make love? With my hands? Yeah, that's a good question. If you don't like to touch.

What? If you don't like touching, how do you make love? Good question. Well, it's your niece. You tell her. She's 22, you get to say it. You know, I can be G about it. I can do it without,

I can do a lot of things without my hands. Yeah, yeah. What kind of face is that? He walks. Not his hands? Yeah, how do you get her? No, I can do a lot of things without my hands. Yeah, yeah. What kind of face is that? He walks. Without his hands? Yeah, how do you get air? No, I got, no, no. Hand to hand.

I don't like a hand on a hand. But I'll touch a lot of other things. Yeah, because he is, you know, weird. No, I like sex. You ever see Rain Man? Anyway, I like, I have sex. I have three children. What?

I have three children. I've, but I didn't, like that wasn't sex. What I would do is I would make a little puddle and then I take off my wife's pants and have her sit in it. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh.

Yo, imagery. Oh. Oh. Oh. Honey, it's that time. That was the funniest thing to say. Sit in the puddle. That's very good.

That's very good. And we have two beautiful, three beautiful kids. Beautiful kids. And grandchildren? Are you with somebody? Because I have a son, my son would like you. I have someone. Yeah, thank you.

Yeah. How are we? Do you know the person? Is it you? No. Wait, you have an older son. How many, you have two daughters and a son? Yeah.

I've only met your older daughter and your older son. Yes. How old is your youngest daughter? 32. Oh, okay. How come we've never met her? She doesn't like to be in pictures. She doesn't like to be on TV. She doesn't like to be in podcasts.

She's not even in her own wedding album. Oh, does she live in LA? I mean, I'll take it. She has a kid, she has a daughter, a husband. And yes. Does she come over and go, hi dad? Wow. It's like a reenactment. I feel like I'm drowning. and she come over and go hi dad.

It's like a reenactment. I feel like I'm drowning. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Did she go hi dad? Exactly. Good question. Hi dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

She's not on special needs. But yeah. That came off. When did the one with Harlan come out? Have you guys shot some yet? What's wrong with you right now? I feel like, are you having like a mid-night crisis? I mean, how do you call it?

Late night crisis? A late night? Late, late, late, midlife. Midlife, midlife. Midlife. Midlife. It's not late. Not late night crisis. Late night crisis is when you do badly with Fallon.

But, okay, all right. And now, this is a little number we wrote. Yeah, so here's how we just wrote it. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one.

Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one.

Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. Five minutes to one. I went upstairs to look around, two cleaning ladies with a frown, eating muffins and your fur. Why is the place decorated now? She wasn't supposed to start anyhow

How many take a reverse, go Oh god What happened? Did he snot? I was looking at his face Oh I thought you snoted, did you snot? We talked about him snoting I think he snoted I think he snoted

I think he snoted Yeah, you gotta commit I think he snoted, wait, he snoted I don't care about no sob. You really have not yeah He does yeah, a lot of not That's not you don't do that. Here we go in saying we got a gas. Thank you. Yeah, don't Shake your hand now Your comedy is getting worse. Thank you. This is like a very good. Yeah, you're a nightmare

I know I'm gonna wake up in a minute. Ready, three, two, one. How many, no, Jaime! Three, two, one, Jaime! I was on Gremlins. I had no vision. That's it, that's it, that's it. Okay.

I was on Gremlins. You shouldn't be digging in that way. I know, I understand, I understand. We should be on AGT, the guy who cleans his nose and sings at the same time. Jaime, a lot of You know people have sad stories, I don't know no, what are you doing? Oh Yeah, so sit down for a second, right? If you start fucking around,

that's gonna be on you, my friend. No. Yeah, stop fucking around, Ed. Wouldn't it be good to have on, you know, from around the sound, on AGT, people come on and they always have like these incredibly sad stories. Yeah.

Like I had cancer and music is the only thing that got me through or my family's sick. But you to come on and say, I wanna sing, but my nose is always filled with snot. And that'll be your, that's your ailment. And even though I've got snot in my nose, I'm still gonna sing the song that makes me. Me. Yes.

And then you just, you drill as you're singing and you sing beautiful love songs while you're drilling. Okay. I can do that. Yeah, that's good. Let me ask you something, Howie. Why do you act like a fool on AGT? You act like a fool sometimes.

And you know, when they're doing close-up magic, like a guy named Eric Tian, right? Yeah, he's doing close-up magic, right? No, is he good? Because it's like, he's wearing a, he has a felt black board. We all know Magic 101, that, you know what I mean? The cards have felt on the other side, you know what I mean? And you, I see you on that show, like a fool, going,

yeah, yeah, bravo, bravo! You know what the fuck it is, it's not magic, dog. You're a little bitch. You know what I mean? is. It's not magic dog. You're a little bitch You know me you you Simon your little fucking master. He laughs you laugh like a little bitch, dude No, you're a little bit. No, you know, I'll tell you why I'm not talking. I don't give a shit Yeah, I got you you got me one shinlim to talk to you. Oh, that's right. Thank you and And you love the magic and now you're turning on magic? Magic is real. And you are the...

Yeah, yeah. Magic's real, you're not though. Okay, because when you're on that show, you're fake. Oh, bravo! Some little kid with a little thing, you know what I mean? Comes up there, starts saying, starts saying, this guy, oh, Golden Buzzer!

Why Golden Buzzer? Because the lady has spinal bifida? And that's another thing, I'm glad he's here, right? I'm going to get it out now, okay? You know, when these people go on the show, right, and they tell their story, that's illegal, right? You know what they're doing. They're trying to tug on your heartstrings, Howie, right?

And you're the first guy to buy it. Oh, here's a homeless man. Oh, he can sing. Who gives a shit? You don't give a fuck about anything. I don't give a fuck about right now, you know? That's why you were sneaking in for this. Yeah, anyway.

Look at this. Oh, did you give her a cold and cold buzzer too? Yeah. Why? Why? fuck about right now you know that's why you was yeah yeah in for this yeah anyway oh yeah yeah yeah why why yeah why he was just at the Kennedy Center getting honors look yeah pull up now I love her no she's great but let me give me another one that's not her again she's great actually yeah I mean there's some of them oh my oh my god no. Oh, did you see this girl? Which one Courtney? Yeah, that's she also can another rule if you do BGT you shouldn't do AGT Why because it's you already did it. No, so that's also that I can go to Ghana got town, too Yeah, yeah, that's bullshit, dude.

It's not bullshit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like tennis? What? You like tennis. Oh, you're saying that it's like the fucking tennis? It is. It is.

What was that? You do the US Open, you do the Australian Open, you do Wimbledon. It's cheating, it's just, it's like. It's not cheating. Yeah, yeah. It's a fucking contest. It's not, it's not, yeah.

You should win America, you should win Canada, you should win England. Or, you know what, when they bring them up, right? Talk to me me talk to me No, I'm your fucking guess so when they do bro what this dude, dude This was our fucking podcast I've ever been on Brazil's got fucking all the time. I want to go right I want to go all this all he's done is this next for fapton doesn't give a mess. I'm here. I'm in this He's slept in, doesn't give a fuck time here. I'm in this house explaining who I am.

He's got fucking Honduras got talent. This guy's just done fucking Beijing got talent. This guy just did London got talent. This guy just did France got talent. This guy just did fucking. Mexico got talent. Cotuover. I already said Mexico.

Cotuover. Cotuover got talent. So this guy just did South Africa got talent. This guy, I can go on. I can't, because I forgot. Keep going. But my point is that it's bullshit. Once you do one talent. Who made you the rule maker?

That's like, have you been on TV before? No. And now you're shaming me because I don't have the talent to do it. No, you've been on TV, right? I've never done it on TV. No, you've been on TV. Yes, I have.

So the point is that once you've done one show, you shouldn't have to do another. You should do a show. It's completely different. People enjoy it. It's not completely different. It is not completely different. It's like if I did like,

alone, like Australia alone, right? But then I did Canada alone. It's that bullshit. You do one alone. Or hoarders. Yeah, yeah. Ghana hoarder? Yeah, yeah.

Like they clean up your house, right? But like you mess it up again because you're gonna do fucking, you know what I mean? But yeah, Germany are hoarders. But if you're here so that you mess back up and your disease, I agree. It cycles, it cycles, it cycles, it cycles. Can I say something? You want to use you want this? Get the fuck out of here. Talk about hoarders. The thing is that you could do hoarders in America, but if you mess up, if you mess up, if you mess up a place in Germany, you should be able to be on the about hoarders. The thing is that you can do hoarders in America, but if you mess up a place in Germany, you should be able to be on the German hoarders. Oh, that's true. Oh, so yeah, so what you're saying, oh, so all right.

I'm living in Lexington, Kentucky. I'm a hoarder, right? I'm on the show Hoarders, right? Then after they clean up, I'm gonna sell my house go to Germany And collection you mean go years of collecting shit so I can be in Germany hoarders and guess what guy Are you a hoarder because I think that you do I'm not order no I think you are yeah Did you see his room? No, he didn't let me get that fucking but I saw where the ladies were cleaning if you were up there

You would see bitches, baby. What's up? Anyway, yeah, yeah. Why are you making a face? Because there were the cleaners. Oh, those were the bitches. You said they're cleaning ladies and they were cleaning. That's why you want that's why they're eating muffins and yogurts to get the taste out of their mouth. That's fun.

That's a fun thing. That's a fun one. Yeah, it still tastes like Bobby's Lee. Yeah, so, um... How's Arsenio? I wish I could get Arsenio. You can't get Arsenio? Why?

Get it back you? I don't think it will do it really You know, I see home did you just burp did you burp? I burp is that you know, dude, you saw my mouth Hey, so like that's a real talent. I can burp without using my mouth I can burp without using my mouth. It's like, burp. Yeah, wait, wait, wait, wait. Yeah, let me see, let me see. Hey, turns out I'm gonna have to have a TMJ surgery. It is not.

Huh? That's because you got your lock jaw. What, you have lock jaw? Speaking of blow jobs, is that what he did? I was talking about some guy, some ladies upstairs sucking him off and you go, turns out I gotta have TMJ. That's how you got this job. It's only one guy, Ralph Bopoza, but anyway.

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The Eddie Murphy movies. Coming to America, you ever see Coming to America? You ever see Coming to America? You ever see Harley? Who did you get? I don't know. Oh, yeah. You're a great host. I'm a great host. to America coming to America. Oh, you see Harley. What did you get?

Yeah, your podcast these guys don't know you know you're coming to America. I've never seen it better know of it How do you know I know of it? I think that's better than her not knowing what it is. It's not a fucking content Well, you won I'm moving you into a bonus round. Okay, what's the bonus round? How did you get TMJ? Why do you know, were you having surgery? Oh no, I have to get it now, because I have lockjaw.

You have lockjaw? I see your mouth moving. I don't see his mouth moving when he burps, but I see your mouth moving when you talk. I don't know, this girl, she diagnosed me at the club, and she's like. Club? That's funny. You know, you know how I she diagnosed me at the club. She's like oh That's funny. Yeah, you know you know how many you got locked up

Moving like it should be moving yeah, you should go get surgery a girl at the club some girl at the club Diagnosed you with locked up. We're talking and she's gonna make her do surgery. She's like hey Let me see your jaw and she's like touching me right here make her do surgery? She's like hey let me see your jaw and she's like touching me right here and I was like oh my god and she's like oh you need surgery. What does she do for a living? She works at a dental hygienist. I was testing you and now you're getting it. Keep talking dude. So high jannis. Regular and then I'm gonna go in music and I want to see how fast you can switch. Oh shit. Yeah Don't keep going. So yeah, I was at the club with her. She was touching my jaw and she's like you might need TMJ Report you to a specialist report you

I can recommend you know the music's over. You're not gonna go regular. He likes to sing. He loves to sing. Go ahead. Oh yeah, she told me she can recommend me to a specialist, and that she can give me a discount code. It's like Tourette's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want to try? You talk, and then I'm going to see if you can sing it.

How fast? Tell us the story. Yeah, tell us the story. You gotta try? You talk and then I'm gonna see if you can sing it. How fast? Tell us the story. Yeah, tell us the story. You gotta start asking her a question. Yeah, so how was the holidays for you? It was bad cause I stayed with you the whole day. Too slow.

Oh. Way too slow. I was supposed to. You know what it is? Way too slow. She's not a singer, she's a backup singer. Oh, that's okay. You sing the thing and then you're right. All right, right, right, right. Can you know what it is? Way too slow. She's not a singer, she's a backup singer. Oh, that's okay. You sing the thing.

All right, right, right, right. Can you try it again though? Yeah, so, explain to me how many dogs you have and what their names are. I have four dogs. Yeah. And their names are Bullet.

Pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah. Gobi, Remy, and Stubble. Ooh. Wow. Wow. That was so good. Oh, wow. Wow. That was so good.

That's a good one. You want to try how? Yeah, I'd love to. Okay. What do you want me to talk about though? So let's not talk about the, I mean, like you grew up in the 1800s or maybe the 1800s. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm getting my, I'm not having. Okay. Okay. Yeah, yeah. Have you seen Wicked? You know what? I don't want to. I don't want to see W don't wanna see Wicked.

Why? Why not? Because I heard that people sing in the theater while the movie is going on. Oh, you heard that? Oh yeah, you don't like that. I don't like that. That's the same reason that I didn't go see Schindler's List. Oh.

It's a good reason. You seen that movie? Oh, singing. Because they were crying in the movie theater. I mean, they're not singing. They're not singing in Schindler's List. I didn't go see it. I want people to be singing a lot. Well, I'm going to tell you, I've seen it a couple of times. It's not a musical.

No, I know. Unless screaming is singing. Anyway, um... She doesn't know what Schindler's List is. Explain it to her. You're pitching the movie. We're executives. Howie Mandel and I are executives.

We have a production company. You're going to pitch Schindler's List, right? Go ahead. Hi, Angus. My name is Bart Montgomery. This is my partner. Yeah. What's your name?

My partner. Oh, Larry. Larry. I'm Bart, Larry. Welcome to Montgomery and Larry. We're a production company. Tell me what Schindler's List is about. Yeah, tell us about Schindler's List.

My name is David Goldberg. And... Are you Jewish? Yes, descendant of a Jewish. I haven't seen you at the meetings. Yes, what? Descendant? Descendant of a Jewish. Like the Disney movie.

Yeah. Okay, that's great. So anyway, go ahead. We have other pitches. So go ahead, sir. Shinners List. We're gonna get a girl in a red dress. Oh, so the movie's about a girl in a red dress.

Yeah. Is it Modern Times or? No, it's like 1940s. Okay, so during World War II. World War II, wow. You know Larry. After the Holocaust. Is it after the Holocaust?

It's before the Great Depression. Okay. But that would be in the early 1910s. Path is not as big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? 1929 is the Great Depression. So it's after in the early 1910s. Path is not your thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? 1929 is the Great Depression. So it's after the Holocaust, but before the Depression.

And when you say the Great Depression, are you talking about your own personal depression or the stock market? Me and my brother in... Your brother? My brother. Oh, your brother. I'm sorry, I'm hearing is...

I'm losing it. Anyway, go ahead. Sorry, it's 1980s. We don't know how to talk yet You know Swallow a time exactly what is going on here? Are we afraid? I mean it's like Titanic meets Bill and Ted No, seriously. Tell me I want to hear you know, tell me what Shin Liz was about. Yeah, what is she? What is she? Yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah, we want to know what we tell us about what Schindler's List is about. We're not doing a scene now. Okay. Okay. I want you to explain it to us. Yeah, go ahead. From what I've seen on clips on YouTube. He watches Schindler's List clips on YouTube. The clip channel. The kids today. Oh my God. They watch it two minutes at a time. This movie on TikTok clips. TikTok Schindler's List is what you watch. Yeah, TikTok clips.

Explain to us what Schindler's List is about. Well, I've seen the other parts because they haven't uploaded. I just seen a girl with a red dress walking around or something. Yeah, that's the movie. Jaime? Liam Neeson. No, Jaime, look at me right now.

Liam Neeson's in it, yeah. Not in a joke, forget Howie's here, I'm being real, alright? I'm being real too. No, no, tell me what it's about. You're trying to get me to watch the fucking movie. Tell me what it's about, seriously. Okay, Liam Neeson is in it. It's about Liam Neeson in a girl in a red dress.

Who did you say is in it? Liam Neeson. Liam Neeson. Yeah, which is Leslie's older, younger brother who didn't die from the guy from Naked Gun, Liam Nielsen. So you think, you kind of know what it is because you talked about World War II. So be real, tell me what, okay, what is it about?

I just told you Liam Nielsen is in it. That's all you need to know. But what's it about? In the scenes that you- The holocaust? The Hanukahs. The Hanukahs. The Hanukahs.

The Holocaust. The Holocaust, yeah. Tell me what the Holocaust was. We just do name out Ailof Hitler. Ailof. I always get frozen and Schindler's is mixed up. Olaf. Ailof. Olaf. Let it go. Yeah, yeah. What's the guy? Olaf that's Olaf Olaf Hitler Olaf Hitler yeah Olaf

Hitler yeah what do you do Olaf Hitler he hated the Jews he did it and how many did he kill thousands how did he do be real without millions how did he do it how do you do it yeah gas chambers okay so you do know. Oh, well I seen the boy in the striped pajama pants. That's Peter Pan. No, it's not. The boy in the striped pajama pants. Is it a movie? Yeah, you never seen it? You never saw it?

The boy? Oh, you're being real. Oh, that is a movie. Oh, is it a Holocaust movie? We were making fun. We were making fun of him. So his dad, the one that's well dressed, the boy, his dad's like a German general.

So how the fuck have you seen that? And not Schindler's List. Have you seen Schindler's List? This, like, do you? Criterion. Only have 2B? No, they play this in high school for us every year. They play that instead of Schindler's List?

Is that the Christmas movie? What it would they pay that every year? What high school did you go to and mesquite in Texas? Oh? They couldn't afford it maybe and what are they in the HUs you hate you no I don't know but you're supposed to in your class My school they did yeah Why do we watch that movie I forgot how you even got into similar you know I'm a Jew yeah no yeah how do you know your last name Mandel Mandel that's a Jewish name for you I would assume why why Mandel oh yeah you watch when you sing it you hear anything

When you sing it, you hear the two of them. We didn't even play anything in each other. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was insane. I forgot even how we got into Shinnosu. That's how fucked up I was. This thing. She didn't know what's singing. We needed a topic.

What? A topic for how we to sing. That's why. Oh, right, right, right. We needed a story. Oh, yeah, talk about, yeah. No. That's how we got into it?

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you never talked and then got into the singing thing. We never did that bit. I'll do that. So what year did you start doing comedy? I started in 19. Wow, slow. Professional. Slow?

That was slow. Sometimes there's a couple of notes and then the singing comes in. That's how it is. That that song, there are other songs that start right away. Not my career, my career didn't start right away. My career took a little, a second to take off. Well, no, your career is one of the greatest careers

as a comic. See? See? And I'll tell you why. Because. Hell heard. How does anyone, how does somebody reinvent themselves that many times? That's a difficult task, you know?

He was a huge comic in the 80s. Big. What? No, big, I'm agreeing. I grew up watching him. The first time I ever saw him was in HBO's Young Comedians special. You know who was on the Young Comedians special with me?

I forgot. Do you remember? Bill Hicks? That was what, like, after. No. Who? The Young Comedians with me me? Do you remember? Bill Hicks? No, no. No? Who? The Young Comedians with me were Jerry Seinfeld. Wow. Richard Lewis.

You've seen that photo. Harry Anderson. I think it's the, try the sixth annual Young Comedians special. I remember the black head bit, remember? Yeah. Yeah, I have a black head and he had a big black, like mannequin head and he just put it on his face.

You can't do that now, but at a time. Okay. Is that it? Young Comedians special. Did you put that in? That's it. That's it. That's you.

That was you. That's the first time I saw you and I remember. But does it say who's on it? Like a picture of who's on it? I'll keep looking. Yeah, keep looking. For Joria you got like that. My fucking career. Well there's only three Yeah, keep looking. But um. For Jory, you got like that. My fucking career.

Well, there's only three photos, but anyway. We didn't have cameras then. So I'm just telling you what I know about you, all right? And then I remember watching St. As well elsewhere, like an episode or two. I wasn't, I was a kid, so I didn't watch that show. It was still good. But I remember being aware.

I think culturally aware that you were on that show. I've been around for a long time. I remember being aware, I think culturally aware that you were on that show. I've been around for a long time. Yeah, and then I remember Bobby's World. I remember just all that stuff. And then as a standup, you were a powerhouse. And then, you know, like everyone's career, there's a little bit of a dip, but most people go away, you know what I mean?

You didn't. I had a big dip, I was gonna quit. I know, I remember that. And then- Why, did I tell you I'm gonna quit? You didn't. You. I had a big dip, I was gonna quit. I know, I remember that. And then. Why, did I tell you I'm gonna quit? You didn't. You told me the whole story. Okay.

You told me that it was your wife that told you to do. Yeah. You remember? Yeah. Just like I remembered you and Polly Shore taking. Exactly, yeah. And there was two or three times they asked and you said no the first couple of times.

And then your wife looked at you and said, I think you should do this. You're gonna make her cry, look at her face. I think you should do this. You did it. I think my career was such a sad story. And dealer Newadil put Howie in the biggest situation. He went from nothing again to you know what I mean the top of the world and now you kept that wave going I believe. Yeah you have. I'm working. On a wave, you know. And I've reached the point where if I show up, they don't even get up to see me.

I have to go wake them up. Let's be real for a second, okay? Because you're really gonna piss me off, bro. I don't know. I know you don't. And the reality is this, the podcast starts at one. So why would you come? You got here early. I never said that. I I know you don't. And the reality is this, the podcast starts at one. So why would you tell me?

You got here early, I never said that. I never contacted you for the podcast. In fact, last night was a- Do you have anything in writing that's five to one? From me, dude. You told me not to deal with you, you have a staff. Yeah, so what I'm saying to you is this, okay? Last night, I texted George, I go,

we have Tiger Belly tomorrow? Oh, you didn't even know? No, and he goes, yeah, I go, who's the guest? He goes, Howie and then Adam Ray, and I go. You didn't eat that whole thing? And I go, oh, I'm so excited or whatever, and I got up at, my alarm was at 12. No, I think you said, I fucking know.

That was the text I got back. Yeah, I fucking know. But I didn't know. That was the actual text I got back. Oh, did that make you mad? No, I thought it was a funny addition to the story. Just. No one laughed.

Okay. No one laughed at that. I'm sure there's people at home. Just like his Q-tip line? Yeah. Dad. Perfect. But the callback is killing.

See? That's too funny. Yeah. You have a show tonight, huh? Do I have a show tonight? Do you? Do you? I know I'm going to Vegas.

You'll be in with Arsenio in a couple weeks. Oh, you'll be in Vegas? Yeah. With Arsenio. Who closes that show? Together. Yeah, we go on stage together at the end. Oh, but okay.

You guys are gonna switch back and forth then? Yeah. Why? Is this your best friend? This on? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Why? Is this your best friend? This is, is this my, or Arsenio? No, Rich. Yeah. Is this your best friend, your assistant too?

Not my... No, no, as long as I've known how I've known Rich. He's worked with me for 30 years. He usually contacts me. You know who, right before me, you know who he worked with? Michael Jackson. Whoa.

You know, you've heard of him Why because you're a child, yeah, okay, so Yeah, that's so fun. That's gonna go to go. I like to look like that. Thank you Simple haha would suffice. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's my smile. Okay, but he was on the dangerous tour. No. Yes He was really seriously. What was he like? was on the Dangerous Tour? No. Yes, he was. Rich, really, seriously?

Yeah. What was he like? I met him one time, took a picture with him. And then, Rich, when did you meet Howie? Howie, I came off the road with Michael, and then we had a summer off, two months, and then we were going back out to China, and during that time, Nick Light,

he worked with Polly Schuel, all these guys was working with Howie, and they needed a tour manager for weekend. For weekend. And then one of Howie and he was like Bobby's World, Showtime specials. It was non-stop. A crazy amount of ideas and it just... Oh you better... bigger than Michael Jackson. I'm bigger than Michael Jackson. Oh yeah.

Yeah and you also did Janet's tour right? Yeah I did the Rhythm Nation tour. You did? Wow wow. Yeah yeah. But then you've been with Howie since then? The whole time? The whole time. 31 years. That's amazing.

You guys are best friends. I'm gonna say this, yeah, I'm the lucky one. This guy works his ass off, he's a good family man, takes great care of me. To be in a position like that, I'm very lucky. I know, dude, of course. He's a great guy. He's a great guy.

Except from today's behavior. Anyway, I wanna hear, I wanna hear. And how do you feel about working with Bob? Well, I work for my best friend, Ralph Barbosa. Oh, you have nothing to do with Bobby. I do have something to do with Bobby. I have something to do with Bobby. Right?

What are you saying? You know the comedian named Ralph? Yeah. Yeah, he's my best friend and I work with him, so I'm like, hit Rich. They grew up together. Right. Wait, what's your real name, Richard? Rich, yeah, Richard, yeah.

Hey, that's a cool name, Rich. Like, hey, Rich. Answer how he's questioning. I'll go back to that, but, yeah. Hey, that's a cool name, Rich. Like, hey, Rich. Answer how he's questioned. Oh, you know, I'll go back to that, but his name's Rich, so he's always at my house, just like these guys are at your house. And my son, when my son was younger, a doorbell would ring, and my son was like a teenager,

and he'd have a girl show up at the house, and he would go answer the door sometimes, and the girls would be there, and he'd go, hi, I'm Rich. And then they would go tell my son, your father's such an asshole. That's so funny. We know, tonight's house. Rich, you live far from Howie or no?

Not that far, 20 minutes. 20 minutes, but how come he doesn't work for you yet he's on your podcast? Okay, I'm gonna tell you how this works, Howie, okay? You know, sometimes when people have podcasts, they have reoccurring guests or sidekicks, and he's my sidekick, but he really works for Ralph Boboza. He's a young Hispanic comic out of Texas

who's killing it, you know, Ralph? I think what we did, I just had deja vu. I just had deja vu. I just had deja vu. Is that a comic? No, that's a French word. Oh, okay, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just had deja vu.

That'd be a great comic. Good evening. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome deja vu. Yeah. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome deja vu. That'd be great. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome deja vu. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome deja vu. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome deja vu. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Deja Vu. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Deja Vu. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Deja Vu. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome Deja Vu. Okay, okay, stop, stop. Oh, fuck. But, but, but, but, but. Your sidekick means he's working with you.

So what happened was Ralph Boboza was a guest. You know what I mean? We really fell in love with Jaime. We love Ralph, but we fell in love with Jaime. So we follow, fly him out. He lives in Texas. So when we're going, we sometimes fly him out every week to do this podcast.

How does your story differ from what I'm saying? I know you're clarifying. I said he's working with you as your sidekick and you go, no, we fly him out from Texas no he is somebody yeah that is here because you want on someone else bye okay bye rich do you do the clubs when you're here yeah trying to do some spots but it doesn't happen yeah it's hard you know it's clubs when you're here? I try to do some spots. But it doesn't happen? Yeah. It's hard. You know it's hard when you're young. You're not from here. It's hard to get spots.

Even if you say you're Bobby Lee's sidekick? I don't say that. He doesn't say that. Why? He just shows up at the comedy store and he's Jaime, you know? I got Matan on. At the Laugh Hacker, you'll never be able to get him on the comedy store. I bet you I can. Not in a regular spot, there's no way.

You want to make a bet? Hey, you should try to get Jaime on first before Mataan, he gets Mataan on. There's no way to get anyone in a paid regular spot that's not a paid regular, it's against the rule, right? Anyway. We try to get Mataan on? No problem. If you do your own show, you could.

No problem. Yeah. I've never seen you like today. Honestly, can we just be real for a second? Yeah. Are you back to normal, Howie? I don't know that there... Yeah, yeah, no it wasn't. Earlier you were very aggro. But that was normal and real because

I make it, I respect you. And you know that I love you and you know that I think that you're one of the most talented people in the world. Don't walk off like Dana White walked off on mine. But the thing about that is when you tell somebody to show up, I'm nuts about, and part of it is my OCD,

I'm nuts about being on time and doing things. When I show up on time, I don't mind if you're late because if they would have said he's on a call, he's talking to his agent, or he's editing last week's podcast, or he's doing, I said where is Bobby, and your staff said he's asleep. You don't think I should react to that?

Jules woke me up. So I wasn't asleep, that was a lie. I was just getting up, listen, okay, I'm not like fucking Nostra Aftor when just getting up, listen, okay? I'm not like fucking Nostro after when I wake up, I just, you know what I mean? I take my time, more like Frankenstein. I put my feet down. It takes a lot.

It's a horrible, horrible impression. That's Korean Frankenstein. See, you're being racist. Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know that. You know I was doing, right? Did you just be? Obviously, yeah, yeah. Oh, I was doing Korean Frankenstein.

How do you say Frankenstein in Korean? What? How do you say Frankenstein? Brung-gong-gong-gong. Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Brung-gong-gong-gong. Anyway, my point is, I don't know what the fuck's going on,

but it takes time. I'd be angry if my nuts were up here on my neck. Can you imagine having your nuts on your neck? Yeah, I'd be crazy. That's why I always thought he was up monstrous. That's why I always thought, I thought if my nuts were up here, it'd be crazy. That's why I always thought he was up monstrous. That's why I always thought, I thought if my nuts were up here, I'd be off.

Those are different nuts, though. Oh. Yeah, those aren't testicles. Oh. A testicle, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are just regular bolts. Okay, make your point. Make your point.

I don't know what we were talking about. Oh yeah, so it takes me a while to go up, but it was still not one. You said I wasn't like you expected me to be. Yeah, so today, yeah, you're far more confrontational and edgy, and normally you just come in, we talk, and then you leave. But today you're, no, I don't want you to leave.

I love you. I love you too. I love you, I really do love you. But today you were like up in my place, filming, you brought Rich up there, you know what I mean? If people didn't watch the beginning of this, when I say up in your place, up in my place, filming, you brought Rich up there, you know what I mean? If people didn't watch the beginning of this, when I say up in your place, up in your house, I wasn't up in your place.

So anybody watching Tiger Belly right now, my podcast is in my house but in my garage. This is a garage, right? And then if you go upstairs, that's my living space. Okay. Okay. And I've never had anyone go up, have we ever had a guest go up into my living space? How was the first?

Yeah. So it's like, it's a little shocking, but of course you come up. Who are the two bitches that you said that were up there? I was kidding, dude. Those were his bitches. I don't have any. Who are those people eating muffins and yogurt?

Those are my people that work for me. Those are my people that work for me. You have women that you pay? Paid women are up in your living space. They clean my house. No, they didn't. And then I, they were on lunch break, and then also I have people. Lunch break must have been two fucking years.

See this, I've never seen this. What the fuck is this? This is Howie. No it's not. It is. No, this is, Rich, be honest. I've never seen him like this before. Every now and then.

Every now and then. Two different times, every now and then. Here, no, here, no, you're right, you're right. Here's where I first saw it, all right? When you were with Matan. So you were with Matan at the Laugh Factory and Matan was doing crazy things. I think he went up to Arsenio Hall and goes,

are you black? I was, but that was insane. That was insane, right? So you know what I mean? He was just asking. What? Why is that insane? He was asking.

He's obviously black. Arsenio Hall. Matan is 17 years old. He doesn't know. That's a good point. That's true. I never thought of it that way. He would not. He's only 17. So sometimes you have to ask.

Do you know how old are you? You're 22. You know. Do you know when somebody is black? I think so. You think so, but you're not sure. And that she's 22. If Arsenio Hall was like Halle Berry mixed, I can see where that question would be, you know what I mean? Because she could be Hispanic, right?

But Arsenio's pretty black. How do you know he asked that? I heard it from the club. The club was talking about it? Yeah, people work at a club. No, I know there was people there, but what did they say? I think he offended a lot of people. He did.

Really? Yeah, yeah. And then told David Spade, did you hear what he said? No, what did he say to David? David ran out the other way. I don't think that David knows this, but he went up to David Spade, he goes, that's the guy from Saturday Night Live.

He walks up to him, he goes, you're rich, I followed you home, I saw your house. And I said, you don't say that, David. David had that incident. So I didn't. Remember that? Yeah, so in my head I was like, why is Matan here? Like there's no reason, he's not on the lineup, right?

And he was like. He was a fundraiser for the, that Binder does. Yeah, right, and then when I was talking to Matan in the lobby of the lab factory, I look to my left, I see this guy like this. And then in my mind I was like, there's no way Howie and Matan are together. The puppet.

And then later Binder called me and he goes, yeah, he was with Howie. And oh yeah, so Binder's the one. And I go, that's odd. And then Binder's the one that said, no dude, they're the same people. I go, what do you mean? He goes, when Howie in the 80s, you know what I mean,

was like that. And it blew my mind, right? But ever since you and Matan been together, I see this. Because this is something that he would do, Mat mind, right? But ever since you and Mattan been together, I see this. Because this is something that he would do, Mattan, right? And I think he reached a part of you that was dormant. Wow. Yeah, Mattan reached a part, and this is my fault, because I'm the one that saw Mattan online

and brought him into the ecosystem. You did it. Yeah, yeah. I fucked it up. And now, so he reached a part of you that was dormant, and brought him into the ecosystem. You did it. Yeah, yeah. I fucked it up. And now, so he reached a part of you that was dormant and now you're rekindled and now I don't like that. I don't like that. So is that true or no?

Would that be close to the truth? You think I've been rekindled by Matan. Is that the question? Rich, come on. Yeah, you know what, Rich, you know what I'm saying. I have, because of you know what I'm saying. I have, because of the work that I do on America's Got Talent, I am here. Close up magic.

You know how they do it. You know what I want to do? I want to do a video. Maybe I'll do it with you. I want to do like a close up magic act where you're just too close. Yes, that's really funny. Do you have a deck of cards? Do you have a deck of cards? Does anybody have a deck of cards here? No.

I've seen some over there. Go get one, give me one. Give me one. Like a little deck of cards. What size are you? What? What size are you? I'm size nine.

I mean. Whoa. What? You know what that means. Big feet. Huge vagina. Is that true Jules? Yeah.

It's okay, he could, oh you got him? Yeah. It looks like cards. It's like a stack of stickers. You can add them. What does that do? No, but do they have a pictures? No.

No, they're not cards. They're not cards, they're stickers. Okay, but they each say something on the back. Okay, so I'm gonna mix them up, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, so this is, I'm gonna do close-up magic. Yeah. And it's, this is extra close-up magic, all right?

Yeah, yeah. All right. Yeah, yeah. So Bobby, I'm gonna, I'm gonna I'm gonna read the card. You tell me when to stop. Yeah, yeah, stop. Okay. Yeah, yeah.

So this is, this here. This is. I get it. Yeah. Yeah stop. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, so this is this here That hurt and I said a bit yeah, you press too hard. I'm sorry. It's okay. I'm sorry. That's a really funny bit Okay, put that down with the close-up magic bit. Yeah, that's the only thing that you're keeping from this whole fucking podcast No, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna put that down with that down. Yeah Close-up magic. Yeah, put that down. I thought you were saying, I thought the bit was this. I thought you said you would like to see too close up magic so that you can see like the, you know what I mean, the cheating, you know what I mean? It's not cheating. Here's the thing. You want to be serious for a minute on magic? Let's do it. Debate. When have I not been serious about magic?

Okay, here's how I feel. And I, before- If you cannot see, if the skillset of being able to make something appear, make something seem like it's over here when it's actually over here, make some, make you pick a number or a thing or an object or a place that you didn't have any preconceived notion,

like they don't talk to us and say, guess the seven of hearts. Anytime that happens and it's done smoothly, to me, that's magic and it's amazing. By the same token, as a comedian, if I go see you two nights at the, oh, there we go. Who is that? I can't see.

Oh Shin. He's one of the best. He is the best. I'm a big Shin Lim fan. I think that guy Eric works with him. Eric Tian? I think he works with him. Yeah, yeah, they do, yeah.

Eric Tian is very talented too. Listen, I'm obsessed with magic. But why would you shit on Eric? Because I was just doing a bit. I'll tell Eric. Yeah, yeah, I was just doing a bit. I'll tell Eric. Yeah, I was just doing a bit. But you as you. Shin's a fellow Canadian.

Yeah, as you know I'm a gigantic fan of Shin. And I do his hair. I'm a big fan of Shin and I'm a big fan of Eric. I'm a big fan of all magic. I love it. Because it's repetition to the point where you have it down so perfectly that it's an illusion.

Like comedy. Yeah, and that's why I respect it. Yeah. And I think when people come see us at a club, they think some of it is that that's the first time we've seen something. Exactly. And. But I appreciate that kind of commitment.

Also when you're doing magic at that level, you usually start as a young person. You know Shin who, the dexterity of his hands and the ability to pull things out, he's an accomplished concert pianist. No. Yes he is. Wow.

That's what he did first. I didn't know. Yes. And thank you for getting Shin. You have Shin Lim playing piano? Watch this. And that guy with Pejoria singing along? Shit, okay.

Oh, you sang with him? Hmm? Yeah. But he does. What do you, you just keep staring at your Tobler. Rome. That's not mine. But you've opened it.

It's like you're trying to sneak chocolate. I actually never had this before. But you look so intrigued. Watch this. Try it, so intrigued. Watch this. Try it, Hyman. Watch. If you play it, does it, do they flag you? Is that why you're not playing it out loud?

So you don't, well, you can tell it's really good. Here, you play, so it sounds like him. Wait, wait, go put on the shot of Shin, and then you play. Oh, Shin. Oh shit. Okay guys, very good. See what I did there. Very talented.

There you are again. Why do you keep sharing pictures of me? Yeah, so I think ever since you've met Matan, it hit a part of you that was sleeping. And now I think you're just a different guy, but you're, cause hit a part of you that was sleeping. And now I think you're just a different guy, because that's something that Mottan would do. What? Second floor, yell, be conversational,

make it uncomfortable. To be honest with you, if I am inspired by him, and I think he is inspiring, then I'll take that, but I didn't think that that's what inspired me. I was really a little, that was genuine. No, it wasn't. It was. That's fucking crazy.

We've known each other for so long. Why would that bother you? Why would that bother you, Howie? Think about that. Because for me to get into a car, you have to know, most of the podcasts that I do, even other people's, even Mattan, they came to Van Nuys to do it I

don't like to leave my place my comfort zone for you I'm willing to leave you know any fucking times I've gone to your Death Valley to go fucking see you dude yeah yeah I do right so you and I'm here once no but I second time here fuck not really hard for me and I am medicated and I show up. Thank you for coming, Howie. Thank you for being awake when I get here, Bobby. You know, you really almost made me mad. Did I? Yeah, yeah.

Really? There's a part of me right now, because I haven't had my cigarette, right? Have your cigarette. No. And then it's the way I was awoken, right? It kind of, that really, that almost hits a part of me. You know what I mean?

To be awoken by a Jew? No, just the way you. That's good. Thank you. I've got three that's good so far. Yeah, really three good stuff. Put that. Yeah, like I've got three. That's good. So yeah, really three good stuff for three. Put that in to put that in. That should go before the magic.

I want three. That's good. That's funny. And then the close up magic. That's how I see this episode airing. When is this episode airing? Oh, this is not airing. Oh, OK. No, I don't know. There you are. No, I am. There am I. Yeah. Oh, I put Bobby, I don't know. There you are. There I am. There am I. Oh, I put Bobby's face on the Bobby.

There I am. Okay. Okay. I feel like I see you two guys like at your age right now. Wait, wait. At the same age as me? Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. Oh no, no.

Hi, man. Hi, man. Same age. Wait, wait, wait. You think that we're the same age? Well, you're past 50, so. It's all the same age. Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop Biden. Biden, yeah, you fuck off. Wait, so the way you guys are bickering, like old men, you know, like I see y'all like at Denny's, like on Sunday morning drinking coffee, just bickering. That's how I see it.

Like an old married couple. No, just two old friends. That's not where I thought that you were going with your story. I hate where it went. Oh. Yeah. Okay, not.

Howie? Not Denny. I hated it too. Yeah. I thought he was going to say when I see like old classic comics, you're bickering like that. I think that could be a show. I think that could be a concert. Also, we're at Denny's on a Sunday morning. Yeah. I don't like it. Maybe not Denny's, but like Norm's. Oh, that changes it.

This guy. Yeah. We're at Norm's now. Is Norm's where they have the toaster? No. Oh, that changes it, this guy. Yeah, where are Norms now? Is Norms where they have the toaster? No, I don't know. Remember where they had the, or they'd have the tiny nailers. Remember there was in LA,

there was a place where they had a toaster at the table. So they'd give you bread and you make, it was like the Ikea breakfast. You had to make your own toast. Can I talk about a movie I saw the other day though, real quick? Yeah. So did you see a complete unknown? Oh

The Bob Dylan with Timothy Shalome. Yeah, you see it. He is Phenomenal in it. You saw it? No, but that's what I heard Did you like it? I it did something for me that I've never it's been years that a movie has done that a good thing Oh good thing. Yeah. What did it do? I wanna see it. Yeah, so there he is right there. You know how sometimes you used, you know how they talk about movie magic?

Yeah. That's what, I mean, I'm sure a lot of kids that saw Wicked had that feeling, but I had the feeling with this movie where it's like, it just, you know, it hit me in a very magical way where I was like, oh my God, movies are back or whatever This movie comparing this to wicked. No, just if we could if Bob Dylan was more popular

It's me It's in the week what it's me a wiccan wiccan wicked Defying gravity defying gravity. Yeah, What just happened? They get each other. Wizard, there was or it was, can bring me down. And then like the final solo. I've seen Wicked too many times. But I haven't seen it complete.. Is that Bob Denny's right? The biopic? Knockin', knockin' on heaven's door. No? Not him.

Is that a Bob Dylan song? Yeah, it is. He probably recovered it. He wrote it? No, he wrote the original. Really? Blowing in the Wind? You know that song?

Blowing in the Wind? I know. Wham, bam, shamalang. That's over. I know wham bam Shyamalan. That's over. Anyway, um, I know I understand he doesn't work for you He does The movie Number one if he doesn't win an Oscar, I will lose my mind. And number two, I used to work with a girl,

I did a sitcom, she guest starred on a show I was on, her name was Monica Barbaro. She played Joan Baez. Oh wow. Yeah, she kills it. I cried during the movie. I love Bob Dylan, so I can't wait to see it. I would watch it in the theater.

I would watch it in the theater. Isn't that where you watched it? Yeah, I don't think it's a movie where you download it on your iPad and watch it in the theater. Isn't that where you watched it? Yeah, I don't think it's a movie where you like download it on your iPad and watch it. I think this deserves a cinematic, you know what I mean, experience. He nails, he nails them dude and it's, what a great movie. Nicky had a funny joke at the Golden Globe.

He sang so perfectly like Bob, even Bob commented on how horrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a great joke. She was very funny with him too. She did the Adam Sandler, it sounded like an Adam Sandler. Yeah, and every, like I've been going up a lot in the last couple of weeks, she was on every show I was on. She works at it.

Yeah, I was at the Ice House even, I did two shows on the Ice House Friday night, she was there on my shows. Then I went to the Comedy Show, there she was. She was everywhere every night, and when you see her on the Golden Globes, you go, okay, she killed it and I know why. She worked.

She worked at it, yeah. I love her. I love her too. I think she's gonna be, I think she might even be unreachable at one point. That's how big she's gonna be. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, she's gonna be, I think she might even be unreachable at one point. That's how big she's gonna be. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, she's a talent.

Imagine that? A real talent. Not be able to reach somebody? It's crazy. Hey, Howie, you wanna go watch Complete Unknown? You, me, Rich, Jules, Bobby. Yeah. Yeah? I'll pay for tickets. Did you see any movie?

Did you see Nostra Afto? No. Okay. I haven't seen that one. I didn't ask. You wanna buy me tickets to that too? No, you can buy those tickets. But you're gonna take me to see A Complete Unknown? Yeah.

I wanna see Baby Girl. I wanna see, me too. I wanna see Baby Girl too. Isn't that on Netflix? No. No. That's Nicole Kidman? Yeah. Wow. Just came out.

That's like a 50 Shades of, like that's a sexy, yeah. And then let's talk about real quick, do you see the new Superman trailer? Yeah. What'd you think of it? I'm a big Superman fan. Me too, I'm a big Superman fan. Who's your favorite Superman,

aside from this guy that's so far? Christopher Reeves. Oh, you knew him probably. No, no, but I... You knew the horse that got him, no? I knew the horse. Oh, you knew him probably. No, no, but I, I. You knew the horse that got him, no? I knew the horse. Anyway. I have, I have.

That documentary, I saw that too. The Superman documentary. Oh, the Superman documentary, yes. Yeah, but his son, his son made it, it's so touching. I cried for that whole time. Do you know who that is? Christopher Reeves. The first Superman.

It wasn't the first. It wasn't the first. But he was the first Hollywood movie. What was the guy's name that did the TV show? You remember the TV show? I was always fascinated. The black and white one? Yeah.

Christopher Reeve. Right. Is he the guy with that stuff? With what stuff? The, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the. Like her answer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait. Explain, because we don't know what you're talking about. Cause they ripped. Yeah, Christopher Reeve has what stuff? He does that, like, fetuses.

They'd ripped him off on South Park. He does what? What? South Park ripped him off. What does he have? That he... No, explain it. Describe it.

Describe it. Say the word. I don't know the word for it. What did you say? Describe words around the word. In the episode of South Park, they're making fun of Christopher Reeves. Okay. What was he? For what? For what? Second up eating fetuses.

Eating fetuses? Yeah, that's him. That's him. That's him. That's the one. First I thought he was going to say something silly. Yeah, that's it. Is that what it is? That's exactly it. Yeah. He's known for eating fetuses. I don't know. Yeah, I mean, because he was caught eating them. It's like, number one, how do you even get them? Right. Yeah, that was the thing.

He's been through life. Look at his mouth. Look at him, just finished my fetus. Probably has a fetus in his mouth right now, in that photo. Yeah, oh, there's a fetus straw. Yeah. He's got a fetus straw.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Christopher Reeve, you fucking guy, was Superman in the movies, right? He got in an accident. Did you know that? No, I did not know that. Yeah, he was on a horse. Okay.

And... He doesn't care about that. Once you know that he's eating fetuses, do you really give a shit about it? That's true, that is true. That is true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A little pony spill?

Yeah, pony spill, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah, the main thing is that he's ate too many fetuses. Yeah. And he became disabled? From eating fetuses? You shouldn't eat babies. You shouldn't eat them.

Because it affects the spine. Oh. See, that tells you, my education comes from South Park. And that's not a good thing. It's not. Is that your college? You went to the University of South Park? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

South, South Park. But the truth. Did you go to college? You went to the University of South Perth? Yeah, yeah. South Perth. Did you go to college? No, I didn't. I couldn't afford it. Do you have a GED? I have a diploma. I don't even have that. So you're far ahead of me.

I don't have a GED. Is that what's on? Oh, he is. Yeah, he is. Yeah. He literally is. Wow, wow, wow. Stupid us.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think it's a fetus. Is it stem cells? Is that an easy thing? Or is it fetuses? It's a stem cells joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on, man. I don't think it's a fetus. Is it stem cells? Is that easy? Or is it fetuses? It's a stem cells joke. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's a stem cells. Because of his spine.

Yeah, yeah, anyway. But he was right. We were making fun. We were making fun. And you were right. Sorry. Wow. Sorry.

You literally thought that that's true. That's what the cat thought. I didn't think it was true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He goes, is that the guy? But did you know that he was paralyzed? I did not know that. That's why. Okay, anyway. yeah. He goes, is that the guy? But did you know that he was paralyzed? I did not know that, that's why.

Okay, anyway, you didn't know that from that picture? I don't know, I thought it was just, they're ripping him off. You said that he's in a wheelchair, right? Right now? Oh, he's dead. He's dead. Oh, he's dead.

Yeah, yeah. No, but in the picture you saw South Park. Jaime, how do you even survive day to day? What is your act about? My act? I know, right? What is your act about? My act? I know, right? What is your act about? Your comedy act?

I don't know. You don't know? Now, Howie, check it out. I'm already a year. So we did a show at the comedy store, Bad Friends Did, and he was around, so I went to Andrew, I go, this is Guy Heime, who works for Antigua, can he go up? And Andrew said, is it gonna be good?

And I go, I don't think so, right? He went up there and he killed. He had real jokes, he was up there confident. I couldn't believe it. So he is a good stand up. It's hard to believe. And sometimes I think this is an act, what he's doing right now.

I don't know what he's doing. He could be like Peter Sellers and fucking. You know what he reminds me of? Like a young Mexican Buddy Hackett. Yes, yes. You know who Buddy Hackett is? No. Look him up. Yeah. Buddy Hackett, Sandy is his son

who sends me in Christmas, he'll send me his. There you are. Doesn't he look like a? Yeah, that's you dude. And he was one of the funniest guests ever on The Tonight Show. He used to tell the most amazing jokes. Do that with your eyes Jaime. With your mouth, do it.

Do this. We can't because his jaw is blocked. Yeah, yeah, lock jaw, that's right, that's right. Sorry, I'm sorry. It's okay Howie. Yeah, but doesn't that look like you? Doesn't that look like him? Yeah.

It does. It does. I'll show you what, but doesn't that look like you? Doesn't that look like him? Yeah. It does. It does. I'll show you what Sandy sent me. Can I play something? Am I allowed to play Buddy Hacker telling a joke on the Tonight Show? Yeah, that should be fine. Now, this guy shoots a duck and it falls and hits a barn

and goes into a guy's yard. So this guy climbs over the fence and he goes into the yard and he's trying to get this duck and this farmer come out, big guy, bigger than the guy with the chickens. Big guy. He says, what are you doing in my yard? He said, I come to get the duck. He said, that's my duck.

He said, it's not your duck. He said, this is my yard. That duck fell, hit my barn. He's laying there. He says, yes, but that's That duck fell, hit my barn. He's laying there. He says, yes, but that's not your duck. I shot the duck. I've been out hunting for a couple of days. He says, give me a break.

You know, I'm from the city. You're from the city. Well, you don't understand about property, do you? It's my property. It's my duck. However, I'll give you a chance at the duck. We can settle this country style. He says, country style? He says, yeah. Well, how do you settle a country style." He says, country style?

He says, yeah. Well, how do you settle the country style? He says, how? I kick you in the groin. The guy said, oh. And then you kick me in the groin. And we take turns kicking each other in the groin. Whosoever left keeps the duck.

The guy said, well, if that's what I gotta do, the farmer says, I go first. And he holds off. And the guy goes, ha ha. Ha ha. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! About half hour has passed and he says to the farmer, well, I guess it's my turn. And the farmer says, you could have the duck. Wow. We went all that way. Maybe. We went all that way to get that. What a journey. Well, I'm just telling you that's who he reminds me.

You know what it is? It's like the road to Hanna in Maui, the island. I've never done that. Yeah. You run a Jeep. I've never done that. Yeah, you run a Jeep. I don't want to. Okay. And you take this beautiful trip to Hana. There's nothing in Hana.

So you're saying. Yeah, yeah, it's like. Different reference, that wasn't a good reference. No, but I know what you're saying. The road to Hana. Cut something together. We got you. We want to make it, yeah, yeah.

But it is a, you've never been to the road to Hana? It's beautiful. No, I've seen the pamph you. Yeah, yeah. But it is a, you've never done the Rotihana? It's beautiful. No, I've seen, I've been, I've seen the pamphlet. Yeah, have you did the Rotihana? No. It's the most beautiful, like, stretch of mountainside that you'll ever see. No. Yeah, yeah, it's beautiful.

Why is it beautiful? We have mountains here, you go to Malibu. The type of greenery it is, and- You're really turned on by greenery. Yeah, yeah. Like, I hear people in movies always talk about stuff like that, The type of greenery it is and you're really turned on by greenery Yeah, I hear people in movies always talk about stuff like that But I've never looked at like at a meadow and thought oh gorgeous. Look at the flowers. Yeah me either. I'm not a big little I'm a big metal fan. But anyway, it's a waterfall like water. No You like banana bread? Yeah. Yeah, they have great banana bread there. If I can eat something, I'm okay with it.

Like, when you're driving down the road and you'll see like an old lady selling homemade banana bread, and it's the greatest banana bread you've ever had. I have friends that have flown back east during fall to see the leaves changing color. You like that? No.

Me either. It's the same. We're on the same page. We are. So why are you arguing? I'm not arguing. While you're yelling. When's the last time you've been, where do you go to are you arguing? I'm not arguing. Well, you're yelling. When's the last time you've been,

where do you go to when you go to Hawaii? Maui. Yeah, beautiful. Four seasons? I have stayed at the Four Seasons. I have kids, so we go to the Wailea. Grand Wailea Hotel. Which is right next door.

Great spa, have you been to that spa? The Four Seasons, I got embarrassed at. Why? Because we stayed next door at the Wailea, and then I went next door, I wanted to have dinner at the Four Seasons with my wife. So I go there and I wanted to eat early. It was like 4.35 o'clock, nobody was in the restaurant.

The restaurant was totally empty and the lady goes, I can get you a table but you don't have reservations. I'm thinking, I was like dealing with you. I'm Howie fucking Mandel. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. She didn't know who you were? No, so but wait, wait, wait.

So she didn't know who I was. She goes, I can give you a table, but you got an hour to eat. So she gave me this table. I had like, it was like a card table, like that they rolled out. Were you mad? I was.

Wait, wait, at the toilet, at the men's and women's, it wasn't even part of the restaurant. And you could barely see, there wasn't anybody sitting anywhere. Wow. We ate really fast. And this woman comes up to me at the end and she goes, are you Howie Mandel? And I go, yeah. And she goes, how is everything?

And I go, I'm gonna be honest with you. I don't want you to give me free food. I don't want anything, but it wasn't great. She goes, why? I go, because I'm sitting at the fucking toilet. I'm sitting in the bathroom. I'm wafting those, I can hear the peppermint pucks in the urinal, I can smell that,

it doesn't go with the sea bass. And it just, why would they do that? I could have been out and I could have had a great seat over there, she goes, that's terrible. You should tell the manager. And I realized the lady that I was talking to and complaining to didn't even work there. That's true story.

Really? That's true story. Wow. Yeah. Did you talk to a manager or no? No, I left. Yeah, yeah. I was so embarrassed. Yeah, yeah. To some lady that said how was dinner and then.

Okay, can we talk about that? I want to talk to you about this. This is real, okay? Okay. So I was in Northridge and I was on a date and we. Wow, you know how to wine and dine ladies. I was on a date with a lady and I was on a date and we... Wow. You know how to wine and dine ladies. Honey, if you're not doing anything later,

I'll take you to Northridge. She lives there. And if we have a second date, I'm talking Tarzana. God, I hate you, dude. I love it. So anyway, um, we go to the boiling crab. Oh, the bag of oily shit. The bag of, yeah, yeah, sea treats. You got to explain to people what that is. So basically they put like corn, crab legs, and some shrimp. I don't know, you put it in a plastic bag.

Right. They put sauce in it and they just dump it on a table. They dump it on the table so it's in oil and butter and everything. Just a bag that you're supposed to eat like popcorn. You literally pour the bag onto the table. The table is actually the plate and people just eat it like a bunch of animals. Anyway, we go there. You're not supposed to pour it on the plate.

Yeah, you do. That's why they have the plastic on it, right? You pour it on. We've been there many times. You put it on the table. No, you don't. In Hawaii, we went there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, everyone does it. You like that? Are you laughing really? Yeah. You can't get a photo of people pouring it on the table. You eat it out of the bag.

No you don't, you pour it on the table. Oh. Look. Where's the table? Where's the table? Okay, there it is, she's got a plate. It's on the table. See all that stuff on the table? You put it on the table.

I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like that? You eat it in the bag? I just't know that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You like that? You eat it in the bag? I just took it in, I didn't even take it out of the bag. I didn't get the bag. And my wife, I'd go, you want one? Yeah, yeah, so we go there and, everyone in the lobby, you know, want photos and stuff.

I take photos and people that work there. And we go to the hostess and I go, hey, we just popped in, you want maybe a table for two. He goes, hour and a half wait. And even though everyone's recognized me, and I kind of left mad, but why? Is that because of my entitlement? Why don't we call them?

No, no, no, why don't we call them? Because we don't do pranks. no why don't I call them because we don't do pranks not a prank shit it's not prank yeah you do your prank I swear to God you can cut this out after yeah yeah I'm gonna call don't call him why please don't call him cuz I want to go back there I'm gonna get you cut this part out you can cut it out I'm gonna phone them get the fuck away from your phone down all right god. God damn it. No, I was just.

What are you, what are you, are you crying? No. Why are you? Look at him. You look like you're crying. Why are you crying? Why are you crying? Why are you crying?

Cause I had a good TV show popped in my head. You, Larry David and Bobby. I know it, Denny's in the. No, Norm's. Oh, okay. Why are you crying? You are, you had tears. Oh, I was yawning you crying? You are you had tears? Oh, oh, honey

Great story Howie I haven't had much sleep. Yeah. Anyway, I just want to recommend that anybody in the business. What's my camera? Where's my camera? There's 38 cameras. Yeah Anyway, I think it's this one. Perfect. Okay, I just want to recommend to anybody, if you ever feel like your ego is inflating and you feel just a tinge of getting big headed,

this is the podcast, because they will take it. They will take your ego and just deflate you back to, you are going to leave here feeling like so much less Then you came in with so if that's what you need tiger belly Is that an anyway? What a great guest You've seen him on AGT no she hasn't I know how long you gonna go with that show you just cut is it? Oh, they let me go really yeah yeah I just signed on for another couple good um you're great on that show thank you

especially with the magic axe right yeah Heidi Klum you like her oh she's great amazing yeah Heidi what? Klum. Klum? What's her what's her klump? Klum. Klum yeah whatever and how do you say what do you eat? Not a peach, a pot. A plume. A plume. Okay. I don't know the wordplay. But anyway, you can see him on AGT.

You can see him on YouTube. You feel like you're rapping. Yeah, I am. Okay. So I have a podcast called How You Do It. We have another guest coming in. so we're going to wrap up. At what time are they supposed to be here? They've been here for half an hour.

Three o'clock. He has a Howie Mendel podcast. Howie Mendel does that. Does that, and I've done it many times. You're a great guest. I love you. Yeah, and then we've also, he's now starting one with... Harlan Williams.

Harlan Williams. How many Stranger Calls. And when does that come out? Every Thursday. So it's out already? Yeah. Of Win A Stranger Calls. And when does that come out? Every Thursday. So it's out already? Yeah. Oh. Yeah, it's huge.

Yeah, he's, those two together though. I mean, is it silly? Because I just did Harlan's, it was so silly. It's silly because it's Win A Stranger Calls. We don't know who's gonna call, people call in and we just take Zoom calls. And people, regular people fuck with us. Wow.

Yeah, so that's fun. That's great. Yeah, it's fun. What a great duo. Yeah, two Canadians. Remember Howie? I mean, so that's fun. That's great. Yeah, it's fun. What a great duo. Yeah, two Canadians. Remember Howie? I mean, I mean, whatever it is, anyway. Did this go well?

Did you like it? You know what's so funny? It's like I woke up halfway during it. Cause it takes me a while to get up. Hopefully so did the audience. Yeah, so no, it was a very, I've never seen you like this. I like it.

So we should keep this going? No, you won't be on for a while. You won't be on for a while. I know. Yeah, yeah. Like I've been on as a regular up until now. I really ruined the pattern. We don't have reoccurring guests.

Oh, I think you do. Name me one. Not reoccurring, but people who have done it, I've seen on here a few times. Okay, I can name you on. Name me one. Not reoccurring but people who have done it I've seen on here a few times. Okay I can name you on one hand that's reoccurred. Eric Griffin. Yeah Eric's here a lot. Theo Vaughn. Theo Vaughn isn't here a lot. Yeah. Burt Chrysher. Go ahead who do you know? I'm a Bill Burr. You want a name back there? You want a name?

Wait, wait, I'm sorry. You think you're Bill Burr? No. You're better. Who's that? This was three years ago. That's you, Howie? Yeah, yeah.

So you've done this show before, dude. Yeah. That's the last time you did it three years ago? But you know what? But you forgot. That's why you had me back. Yeah, this is great. Anyway, this is the same room.

Same room. Yeah, we changed it. Wow. So anyway, you can see him on those things and you can see him. Oh, look, I was looking at you. I also want to say this about you, because you can't really see it on this podcast. But you are... Huge penis. Probably one of the nicest guys.

You come to this town and no one says hi to you. You don't think you're going to make it. And then you meet a guy like Howie, who's super generous and kind. And it keeps you going, you know? Without guys like this guy, I know I could have quit, you know, because he's such a generous guy, you've given me great advice over the years, and I truly-

None of which you've taken. Oh, one you did, you went and did JFL, because you said you weren't gonna do it. Oh, this is how long ago? Oh, look at this. This is why when I was upstairs at your house. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at this when he lets me in.

Go fast forward. We don't have to hit it all the way. Go fast forward. Fast forward. More? Yeah, when I get inside. When I, watch this. No, no, after this, pass, pass, there.

That's where I used to live. Oh, that's what I was saying. That's where I used to live, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so look at that. I walk into that. It was like a flashback. Yeah. Boom. Oh, that's what I was saying. That's where I used to live, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so look at that. I walk into that, it was like a flashback. Yeah. Wow. Isn't that funny? And now cut to what we did upstairs.

Oh. Now it makes sense. Now it makes sense, yeah, yeah, yeah. How long is it? So, what, years ago, that was a long time ago. You didn't remember it? I do remember you coming over, yeah, but I didn't. You didn't remember it was all covered in plastic? Yeah, I don't, I vaguely remember probably. But't remember it was all covered in plastic? Yeah, I vaguely remember probably.

But yeah, that was years ago. When you hire cleaning ladies now and they're upstairs cleaning and everything is covered in plastic, are they fumigating? What are they doing? So I'm getting the guest room and the guest bathroom redone.

Oh, that's fantastic. And so there's two things going on at the same time. Dust, dust. Yes. Got it. So yeah, but that's so funny. Wow. Oh my god.

Look how young you look. Dude, I'm so young there. Yeah. Wow. I think I look better now. I think you do. I think so. And give it up for Howie Mandel!

Howie Mandel. Woo! I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon I'm a cabaloon

I'm a cabaloon