TigerBelly - Jessica Kirson & Tell Me A Chop

Episode Date: April 23, 2025

Comedian Jessica Kirson stop by the studio! Stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to www.zocdoc.com/belly  to find and instantly book a top-rated doctor today. Start paying rent through Bilt and take advantage of your Neighborhood Benefits™ by going to www.joinbilt.com/belly DraftKings Casino: Just sign up with code TIGERBELLY and wager a minimum of five dollars to receive FIVE HUNDRED CASINO SPINS ON A FEATURED GAME.

Music I'm a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Jessica Curr-Sohn is here. She looks great. I think it's fate. That we're here together. So emotional right now. I'm in love.

He's in love, he's in love. With Jessica Cousin. I knew it. Anyway, I just woke up. I'm breaking out like a little fucking teenage little baby boy. I haven't been able to sleep. And I'm so excited. I woke up in jolly glee today

because Jessica Cousin here and she doing a special for Hulu. Hulu. Hulu. Hulario. I'm a special for who? Who? Who? Who? Who area? I'm doing special for who? She do special for who?

I saw Krista Stefanos where he did that so I'm like I can do it too. I do special for who? No but dude, dude, dude. Hers is so good. It's more Bjork. I can do. I hear Bjork. Oh, Bjork. Oh, it changed. You do it better than I do. I can't do a female Asian.

What? That's pretty good. You do it. You do it. Can I hear one more time? What? That's pretty good. You do it, you do it. Can I hear one more time? Oh no, oh no, oh no. Yeah. Do it, do it.

I hope I get cancer, I'm so tired. I'm like, hey. Cha cha ching. Cha cha ching? Are you fucking kidding me? Terrace, terrace, terrace. Cha cha ching. Cha cha ching.

Okay, anyway, wow, what a wonderful way to begin. You know what I mean? And that's an homage to my mom. Aw, I miss her. She's alive. I thought she died. My dad's a dad, my mom's a dad. I know your dad's dead, mine is too.

My mommy dead, my mommy alive. Your mommy alive? Dude, if my mom died, I would be devastated. Both of your parents dead? No, this is so, did your mom die? My dad passed away. Oh, oh no. Oh no. Oh no.

Daddy, I miss you. I miss you. I missed your toupee. Really, you had a toupee? Major one, looked like roadkill. I say this in my act, but when he was angry, he would throw it off, he would rip it off his head and throw it and had tape on it.

So it would just land on things. It was so traumatizing. Like spaghetti on the wall or something. What the fuck? It would just, yeah, I swear to God. Yeah, you seem like you have a gnarly bush down there, do you? Me? No.

Is that a weird way? Why would you think that? Is that a weird way to ask me a guess? First of all, you said gnarly. Why do you say gnarly? I'm gonna use a different adjective. No, I have to. You're like, you seem like you have a fucking forest.

You have a grizzly. No, I'm very keen. Grizzly bush down there. No, I would never know. Bears hibernate down there. First of all, I'm. That's a dank hole, dude. That's a resting place for bears.

I can't believe you just said you seem like you have a gnarly bush down there. That is the worst thing anyone's ever said to me. Okay, if I'm in a subway, I didn't know you. You would think I have a bush? Let's say everyone was here, I'd go. I would go, medium, you know what I mean? None, medium, a little, a lot. And- Oh my God, no wonder why I'm itchy. What the fuck is down there? I just got bitten by something from his grudge.

Really? I would say you're a super, super strength. Like bit, like, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I would say, I'm itchy. What the fuck is down there? I just got bitten by something from his garage. Really?

I would say you're a super, super strength. Like bit, like a lot? Super strength, yeah. No. Okay, is it a little? Not at all. No. Do you shave it?

Yes. Not gnarly. I'm very like with hair, I just. Really? But I understand. We don't have any on your arms really. No, I'm not, yeah. Can I touch your skin real quick?

Yeah, it's soft. Oh my God, you're so soft. Yeah. Wow. Are you hard? Yeah. Because he is. I'm itchy and he just hit me with his dick.

Jaime. No, I didn't. I forgot, what's your name? Tommy Lee. Tommy Lee? Tommy Lee. What's your real name? My name, oh Lee? Tommy Lee? What's your real name? My name?

Oh. I'm sorry to wake you. Have you met him? Oh, Hyman. It's Hyman. Hyman? No, it's Jamie. Yeah, yeah.

Call him Hyman. You seem broken. Yeah, he's so broken. And he's, I mean, can I say something? I hated what I just said. You know when you say something and you immediately hate yourself? No. I fucking hate myself so much because I said you seem broken.

It was so hacky. Yeah. No, I'm fine I just as much you seem fine. Like you seem like nothing bothers you Do you get upset a lot like about the world? No, you just jerk off and play video games. Am I right? No I was watching TV right now. So what I was watching TV. Okay. Okay, anyway. Just now? I think we're good. A couple of months ago. I think we did it.

You know what I mean? I'm gonna cut myself. It's a lot. We should do a new show called, with you on it, called Hate on the Spectrum. Anyway. I'm not on the Spectrum. Yeah, yeah, I think I just came up with it, yeah.

Because no one will love you. I ordered this matcha. No one will love you, but you're on the Spectrum. He's very sweet. What is that? Ice matcha latte I ordered by myself. Dude, how old are you? 28.

Yeah, yeah. This is the funniest thing I've ever seen in my life. What? My children are more together. I have- You can tell already! Yeah, I'm joking. You're very nice.

Do you get offended or upset if people make fun of you? No. Fine, you're a fucking mess. Yeah, you are. You're a mess. You're a mess. And I have to apologize something, I fucked you out of a gig. When?

Houston? No, just now. Why? Earlier today. What happened? I feel so bad about it, and I didn't try to fuck you out of the gig, I just was trying to-

Does she know your relationship with this man? No. Okay, so- His relationship with this man? Well, I was at Home Depot one day. I needed boxes packed. Yeah. And, you know, I was with my friend from ICE,

and I said, not that one. But anyway, no, Ralph Barboza came here as a guest, and he grew up with Ralph Barboza. Oh, okay. And so we've been using him as a sidekick, and it's been working pretty good. Good. Anyway, fuck you. What do you mean? Earlier today sidekick and it's been working pretty good. Good. Anyway, fuck you.

What do you mean? Earlier today, well, let's be honest with it. Cause Amir K texted me, Amir K? Yeah. And he goes, yo, can Jaime do feature? And I've never seen you do 30 minutes, I've only seen you do 10 minutes. So I just basically said, I don't know.

That's not fucking, that's not. That's helping him out. That's helping him. Oh yeah. Because I don basically said, I don't know. That's not fucking, that's not. That's helping him out. That's helping him. Oh yeah. Because I don't know, I mean, you're good at 10, but I'd say, I don't wanna, you'd not be able to do 30 and then I'm your BK, right?

I would have said the exact same thing. Thank you! Plus you don't, you're giving your word. If you're saying you can and you don't know. That's why you was gonna say that. Can you do 30? Plus you're refining, what? No. No. No, there's no way. I just felt that when you said, you either know or you don't know. That's who was gonna say that. Can you do 30? Plus, you're refining, what? No.

No, there's no way. I just felt that when you said, you either know or you don't. Yeah, there's no way. You can't even do 15, huh? I can do 15. Okay, but 30, no. Do it right now.

No, I'm joking. Yeah, yeah. No, I can do 15. You're actually pretty good for the amount of time you've been doing it. How long have you been doing it? A year and four months. Oh, that's nothing.

Yeah. But he has no fear, which is- Really? Yeah, he has months. Oh that's nothing. Yeah. Yeah. But he has no fear. Really? Yeah he has no fear. I love that. Are you high energy on stage? Look at him now. I said that as a joke. It's probably like being on ambient. No I think I am. You are what? More high energy. Really? Yeah. Okay. Well compared to who? Huh? Compared to who? A corpse. Okay, Jim Carrey's a 10. Argus Hamilton, like who?

I wouldn't compare myself to him. No, no, I think you're on the lower range, I think. Pretty mellow. So you're not high energy. Wait, hold on. I'm mellow and high energy, you know? You're mellow and high energy. I'm thin and fat.

So I totally get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but. Okay. It's pretty good. Yeah, I got you. Okay, whatever. Anyway, Jessica. You're just so sweet.

I feel bad, but if you're not going to get upset or offended, I'll go into it with you. Okay, I'll go into you. Not like that, but. He just said I'll go into you. What's your body count, you think? Can you imagine if I was with a man again and it was him? That would be so funny. I was go into you. What's your body count, you think? Can you imagine if I was with a man again and it was him? That would be so funny. I was like, you switched me.

Hate on the spectrum, let's do it. I want Dick again. I haven't had it in so long. When's the last time you had Dick the Dick? When I was 25, probably. Wow. And I'm 68. No, I'm joking.

How many Dicks did you have before that? Well I slept with guys in college because I really did not know I was gay. Oh wow, did it feel good? You know it wasn't like torture for me, I find men attractive, I just have no desire to be with them sexually or in a relationship, but I get it, like I understand

why women are attracted to them. I didn't even know they weren't women because I was in a relationship, but I get it. Like I understand why women are attracted to them. I didn't even know they weren't women because I was in a blackout. I was like, wow, your clit is huge. Oh, you're using them. You're drinking them. Yes. Yeah, because we're both recovering.

I thought you said you're using that. And I was like, what do you mean? No, I was, you said you're using them. Yeah. You're using, you're drinking them. I'm sorry, it's your Asian accent. I know, it's thick. I was like, what do you mean? No, I was, you said you're using them. Yes. You're using, you're drinking them. I'm sorry, it's your Asian accent. I know, it's thick, I get it, all right? Man.

I don't understand anything. I love you. So you were drinking and then, man, and then after 25 you went to Vaj, Vaj. Well, yeah, I had my, I met my first partner in my Jewish sorority, Isn't that the greatest story? I've never seen Juvaj. Jaj?

Yeah, I've never seen Jaj. Jaj. Yeah. It's probably normal. It's like, it just makes the sound like. Oh yeah. No, you really? You've never been with a Jewish girl?

Come on. Are you serious? I swear to God. I'm shocked that you have. Yeah, I've never had been with them. I don't think they like me. No. They have standards. You're a Nazi. No. I'm Palestinian. Political. We're getting political. We are not getting. We don't want to do that. No I've never had that. I'll tell you the races, the types of vag I've never had. Okay. Okay, so I've never had black vag.

Really? Yeah. Wow. I've tried. They're like, nah, dog, whatever they say. Whatever they say. Nah, dog. Yeah, nah, nah, whatever they say.

Nah, dog, you ain't fuckin' there. Yeah, that type of thing, you know what I mean? That's pretty good. You ain't gonna get up on this shit. You know that kind of stuff. You ain't goin' in there? Yeah, so type of thing. That's pretty good. You ain't gonna get up on this shit. You know that kind of stuff. You ain't going in there. Yeah, so. You Asian.

You yellow. Were you yellow? I never do that voice anymore because, you know. But yeah, so no black vag. I've never had Persian vag. Yeah, I mean, right. I had black, I love how I'm saying black vag. I've had Persian vag. Yeah, I mean, right. I had black, I love them saying black vag. I've had black vag.

I've had black vag. Yum yum. Mm, it was delicious. With some caviar. In a threesome. This is a true story, in a threesome. Nice. Whoa, okay, good.

Yeah, and I wasn't into it. I wasn't, because I was very confused. There was too much going on with you. I'm ADD. Oh yeah, me too. I could not focus. Are you on something going on with you. I'm ADD. I could not focus. Are you on something? Yes. Yeah, me too.

No, I'm not. I am. I'm really not. You've never done Asian vag. Never. But I haven't done a lot. I've gone from relationship to relationship. Are you single now?

No. Congrats. Were you single when we did shows in Canada? Yes. Oh, so it's a new thing? Yeah. How do you think? I mean, not yet. It's kind of, I'm into it we did shows in Canada? Yes. Yeah, so it's a new thing? Yeah. How did you? I mean not, yeah, it's kind of I'm into it, but not.

It's new. Yeah, I mean, yeah. Yeah, we don't have to get that into it, but you know what, when I was a waiter at Brockton Villa in the mid-1990s. 18. 18? 1890s.

1880s? Oh, Harold! He's on the railroad! I brought KV Red. 1880. Harold. I met her in a tavern. I have two jobs railroad and also opium den. I met her in between going to one job to the other.

Okay anyway. In the 1990s. and I met her, in between we're going to one job to the other. Okay, anyway. In the 1990s. I just woke up, I'm finally kind of, right? You're doing fine. All right, so I was waiting tables and it was in La Jolla, you know, you've been to the La Jolla Comedy Store, right? It's a beautiful town.

Yeah. Very rich. Yeah. And I met this girl, she was beautiful, but she was also really down to earth. Like what you would see, like someone like that on TikTok, you'd be like, oh no, you know what I mean?

But she was like, worked hard, you know what I mean? Not racist or, you know what I mean? Just cool in every way. That's good for you because we've talked about this. And I think it's good for you to meet someone who's centered and grounded and not a stripper. You know what I mean? Or an escort.

I'm joking. Okay, anyway. No, but you know what I'm saying. I'm joking, but I- Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. My biggest thing after being in a difficult relationship, being older, I'm saying I'm joking, but I know you I know exactly what you're saying I it's my biggest thing after being like in a difficult relationship being older I'm like I just need to find someone who's kind And whose works on themselves right big thing for me and of course like a good person like you're saying who's not

like Judgmental or it's very important or Or setting boundaries. Yes. I saw a girl recently where she was smoking, she started smoking weed in my car. That's crazy. And I'm like, I looked over, I go, you know what, no. I go, you know, sober, right? They don't care.

They don't care, you know what I mean? And it's like, because you wanna smash whatever, you're kind of like, you're not that mad about it. Like if a guy did that, I was be like, what the fuck, bro? Right? But here it's like, can you just not? You know what I mean? Like you're trying to like.

Please. I'll relapse if you blow me. Please. Yeah, basically, you know what I mean? But now I'm trying to set bound, like I wanna set more bound. Anyway. You should.

Yeah, but when we were in Canada doing those, how many shows did we do in Canada? A couple, right? Well, we were supposed to do like seven and then three got canceled because of the weather. Oh, that's right But we did a bunch and you're just we had so much fun. It was me you and Tom. Yes, the girl girl and What's weird about those shows is there's always like a clan of we love I love them But some you know a native person giving you like I a carved wooden thing, you know what I mean?

Can you make a photo? You know what I mean? You're like, okay, and you're with the tribe. You don't even know what tribe it is. You don't know even what it is you're holding. Nothing, I know. Someone gave me beads and I put them up my ass. I found out it was supposed to be a bracelet.

It felt so bad because it came from the ground. Yeah, right? And then there's always some sort of seance sometimes. I did not attend a seance. I would have been- Well, there's like something lit. Yeah, there's always something lit. Yeah, and smoking, you know what I mean?

And then there's always some sort of thing that you have to read. And you and I are having an anxiety attack. Oh my God, you and I are the worst together. In the car, well we love being with each other. We do love being with each other. But we'll be in an SUV like, I don't know if I'm gonna do well, do I look okay?

I hope I do okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. You know what I mean, it's a lot of that. And we feed into each other's like insecurity. Yeah. And then when we're actually there, it's like, you know, but we always end up doing, I think people are annoyed by us, I think.

Well, you never think you're gonna do well and you kill. And you too. Yeah, I just, I don't, I'm being, this is not an ins, I don't care anymore. I don't care. I really mean that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope I do well, but you know what?

The circumstances we were dealing with, you're fucking insane. We were outside, it's called the Outdoor Comedy Festival, and it was raining on most of them. I mean, thousands of people just walking around under, I'm like, we'll do the best we can. And considering, we did great. Yeah, I remember one, I don't know which one it was,

but it was raining, and then also, people were wearing raincoats, and it's like a sea of people in picnic tables and you know what I mean? And like beach, you know what I mean? Fairs and stuff like that. Mud. Mud. Just walking.

Yeah and it's also, Canada's so gloomy. Yeah it's very. Like the sky is gray, you know what I mean? And it's like, it's miserable. It is. And we're just like, all right, we'll just do it. Yeah, no one likes it. No one likes it, no one likes it, yeah.

And then, you know what, I think I'm getting a little bit of that too. I was on, I was in Columbus doing the Funny Bone, you ever played there? Yeah. Yeah. And let me be honest with you, it was the toughest crowd I'd seen. Really?

Since my new, it was tough. It's like they, it's like 99.9% white people. Well, yeah, for me that's not great. I love a huge mix. Yeah, me too. I need that. Me too. I go, hey, is there an Asian here?

You hear someone in the background. Hehehe. You know? And you're like, is that a Japanese girl? You know what I mean? And so that's it. Yeah. And it's like most, not that they are, but most of them are like, is that a Japanese girl? You know what I mean? And so that's it. And it's like most, not that they are,

but most of them are like, I was out on January 6th, you know what I mean? Like these kind of bearded, you know what I mean? Which I love, I love them. You know what I mean? And I'm in the middle. Definitely in the middle. But you know, and then it's like,

it's just harder, but I remember at one point on stage I was like, ah, fuck it out. You know what I mean? Like. It's very freeing. Yeah, it's freeing, fuck it, I don't care anymore. Because I think a lot of times it's us, but a lot of times it's the circumstances too.

Or like it could be what's going on in the world. Yeah. An energy that's going on. Terrible. Abraygo Garcia. ["If You Need a Doctor"] If you need a doctor, go to ZocDoc. ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare high quality in-network doctors and click to instantly book an appointment.

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BILilt today. Bilt. Bilt. There's another theory that he's dead. Yeah. That he had died and killed and it's like. Oh my God, that could totally be what happened. Yeah, that could have happened too.

Because it's like why not bring him back. Well then they'll make. Yeah, that could have happened too. Because it's like, why not bring him back? Well then they'll make up an excuse and people will believe it, that he died on his own. Yeah, he killed himself or something. You know what I mean? Yeah. He slipped on a tortilla chip. Yeah, drowned in frioli.

You know, the big vat of frioli. He choked on an egg. And that's what you get when you refry things. Yeah. How about just beans? Were you trying to get something in? Yeah. Because we're just talking and I keep hearing...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, get your jokes. How about put your hand up when you want to put your joke in. What's your joke? You can't slip on a tortilla chip because... What's a tornado chip? Torto-tato chip. Is it a tortilla and a potato ship? Is it a tortilla?

Is it an actual ship like Amastan? That's because I can't say it. A tortilla chip. You can't slip on a Titanic. You can't slip on the chip. On a what? On a chip. Yeah, yeah.

It's a joke. You know what? That's why it's been funnier. Like if I had said banana peel, it wouldn't have killed. That's how comedy works really. Yeah. Forgive me, I'm already a year in. Oh, is that the excuse now? Yeah.

OK. I get the pass. We'll let you have it. You do. No, no, it's crazy. You know what they're trying to cover up? What? The whole Katy Perry, she was launched into space.

But what are they trying to cover up? They're trying to like ease away from what's going on. It's on my TikTok. My God, I'm so okay. You know what I mean? I always get like really fucked up. Or you go, how is he alive? I mean, 28 years and how-

But he's also a very kind guy. No, that's not- I'm sorry, I'm just, I feel sensitive. But how is he alive is what I'm saying. Because I stay away from danger. Oh wow. Jesus. Get out of the business.

It's all danger. Stop being a comedian. You're a second away from dying in this business. Although they have it easier than us. Yeah, you do. Because we. I was just telling the Uber driver that. What?

While I was jerking him off, I was telling him that it's very different now, that you can put up stupid videos on TikTok and be like a star. And then you end up at the club. Yeah, you end up at the club and it gets sold out and then the people leave in the middle of the thing because they're like, this isn't even a comedian. Yeah, I mean I talked to a club owner who owns a bunch of chains and he goes, because I remember I. Yeah. I mean, I talked to a club owner who owns a bunch of chains.

And he goes, because I remember I asked him, I go, back in the day, I remember you booking people, the people that you liked. He goes, I can't do that anymore. Yep. Yeah, I have to book people that's going to sell the room out. That's exactly right.

Especially since COVID. Yeah, yeah. They've talked to me about it too. Yeah. And it's kind of, how do you feel about that? It's upsetting because I always felt like that, I always felt like that about female comics. This is the thing, I am the most, I am not competitive.

Like I don't, I don't compare myself to people because I've always tried to be different. So like that, but you know, it was hard when there were girls coming up that had TikToks or they were showing their vagina. And then they would sell out the room. And then people would come. It's funny, but it's true.

And then people would go- I love those shows. Yeah. I can just work. I get it. But people would go to the shows and then be like, female comics suck. this woman's, that made it very upset.

That, okay, this is, you just got me going. That's hard for me because I'm not, I'm just a comic, like I don't, male comics in New York was like, you're not a female comic, you're a comic. Like, right? So that's frustrating. Because I've heard some guys say,

not comics, but people that supposedly like comedy, they go, I don't find women that funny. I go, really, you don't find Jessica Criss on funny? And they go, oh, she's great. You know what I mean? But it's like, they don't even equate her into what, but what are you thinking about when I'm saying female comic or whatever, you know what I mean?

Because I can name you 30 people, that's off the top of my head, that are fucking Rosebud Baker. They're just so funny, you know what I mean? Rachel Feinstein. Oh, fucking a beast. So it's like, it's really, I think that a lot of people, I know a lot of people go in and they're like,

this is a woman, she's not gonna be, you've really proved yourself as a little comic. But for Asians, it's the same way. I'm sure. In the 90s, but I would have comics come up to me and go, yo, Asians are funny, we laugh at you. Wow, that's great. That's horrible. And I'd be like, but I just did better than you.

Yeah, I know. On stage, you know what I mean? And it gave me motivation. That's why I think I'm so hung up about crushing. Yeah. I'm like, I carry a world on my shoulder. I get it, I'm like that as a female con Yeah, I feel like I have to fucking rip the room apart. Yeah, and they know I don't hear that anymore

You know You are too but um, but I think it was because of how I was what I saw early on in my career was You see what year did you start again? We probably talked about it earlier. What year? 99. Yes, I started in 95.

Right, you started right before. Yeah, but it was tough. 30 years. Crazy. Tough then. I'm sure. Because comedy was on dead. You started here, right?

San Diego. Oh, so it's even harder when you start in a city that's not like- In a sea town. Right. Yeah, right? Yeah. Yeah Yeah, but you've New York for you. Yeah always who would you say your um? Peers are the guys that you started with your class. God. I mean I Rachel is my best friend my sister So we started together, but I started with believe it or not. Demetri Martin Brody love I did a I did a, what's it called?

A laundromat with them every Wednesday on Seventh Avenue. We would perform for like two people during the one. Demetri too? Yeah, all of us. I love him so much. Yeah, but Sherrod. Oh yeah, oh my God. Tony Rock.

Oh wow. Yeah, that whole crew. Wow, wow, wow, wow. My class was people you never even heard of. Like they're not around anymore. Most of them are, I mean there were guys that like, like Nick Swartz and Zach Arfanaquez, who were like, and we were sometimes, you know,

we say hi, but they were my, they were more doing alt-y kind of things. Yeah, so I was more of a club guy. But they were always so super nice to me and I would consider them friends, but the ones from the club level, not a lot. I mean, most drop out. I mean, I could name tons of people,

but they're not doing it anymore. Or they're in a mental institution. Yeah. Yeah, no. One time, one time. I had a question. Can I finish mine? Okay. Well, no, I'm the host

I like to listen to you guys. Oh you want to do yours first? Yeah, can I do it? Good for you for being assertive. So like Sorry, my mother's by the way instincts right here Go go I'm gonna forget about mine. Go. Okay. Okay. So like, you know, so I started a year ago. Dude, you have to slow it down, too, because you're getting nervous. What's the problem with women?

No, so like, since I started a year ago, who do you think is in my class, like from 15 years ago? We don't really care. Wait, what? How would they know your class? At the end of the day, we don't care. Hold on, this is amazing. The question you just asked is so amazing.

Can you say that again. Yeah, break it down. Say that again. Now I need, it's so fascinating. It's fat, just trust me, it's fascinating. 15 years from now, when I started a year ago, who would be in my class and I was thinking about it too. Okay, wait, could you stop for a second, please? I'm, I'm, I'm pretty smart.

Can I be honest with you? I'm lost. I don't know what he said. I smart. Can I be honest with you? I'm lost. I'm lost, I don't know what he's saying. I have no idea. Cause now we're going into the future. Does it feel like the future's up? Yeah, it's like, I don't know who he starts with. I don't even.

Only you would know that. I started with, but what do you think is gonna happen in 15 years? Is that what you're saying? Okay, so 15 years from now. Okay, so 15 years from now. I'll be in your seat and then I'll have. 15 years? 15 years.

Yeah, yeah. Are you kidding? We've been doing it for 80. Yeah. No I'm joking so you were trying you were thinking about break it down who would still be around in 15 years from your class and then I'm thinking it could be the Huk 2a girl she's in my class our class is special we got Huk a girl. We got all celebrities from this time period are in his class. Timothy Chalamet. Same class as you. Wow. Yeah. Charlie X. Rachel Zegler. They're all in my class. Tony Hawk.

Tony Hawk. Bea Arthur. Yeah, Bea Arthur. Benjamin French. Flip Wilson. Anyway. Lassie. Lassie.

Yeah. Honestly, you know, that is the question. I have no idea what you're saying, but it's like, cause now you're forced into like, we have no idea. What we're talking about is, I think you forgot about what we were talking about. No, cause I was talking about your class. No, so what I'm saying.

Demetri was in her class. I know, but we're not, have I mentioned anyone? I have to see your standup. Can you do 10? I'm not kidding. Can you do one joke for me? I don't want to put you on the spot. Let me defend him for a second. Okay.

So, two times I've used them. Yeah. And packed rooms. And the first time I was like, I was trying to figure out how to not get you to do it. You know what I mean? Like whoa.

I put poison in your drink. Or like, you know, the audience is tight and I wanna get to it. You know what I mean? Whatever. And you surprised me the first time. Yeah, I'm sure. I'm very glad.

I was like, oh my God, he's getting legitimate laughs. Good. You know what I mean? And then the second time you did great too. So what I'm saying is that I'm not really listening to your joke, I'm just more listening to the crowd reaction and you're pretty good, you know? But tell her a joke.

Do you mind? Well it's because, so I started with, well I didn't start with Ralph, but when Ralph took off to like on tour and everything, he took me on as his photographer and then he told me to switch to comedy. Okay, do we don't? Wait, is this part of the premise? We're not doing a biography on you, dude, alright? and everything he took me on as his photographer and then he told me to switch to comedy. Wait, is this part of the premise? We're not doing a biography on you, dude, all right? You know what, it's the perfect thing for being a comedian is telling a very long setup.

And like a quick punch, I go, bleh! Like don't even pronounce, don't even say the punchline, just go, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh, bleh. Fast motion. Okay, and then just get to the point. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Fast motion. Okay. And then just get to the point. But when I started, I was a photographer. Like perfect for jokes.

And maybe even lower energy. And let's go before photography even. Okay. In fact, just shit yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. Start a little before, go ahead and go. I used to work at T-Mobile.

And then I became a photographer. But it's not a joke, I'm just saying. Oh my God. I think I met you before with Ralph at the New York. Is this the joke? No. I think he's just talking about you. I didn't know if you do that,

like when you say to an audience member, like I think I met you before, Ralph. And I used to work at T-Mobile. Hi mate you wanted just one joke. No it's cuz I don't got jokes. Oh you do like act outs like. No no I think cuz I don't cuz I don't have jokes like like fully I just chops that's what. Can you tell me a chop? We want chops. Amazing conversation. Because we don't know what chops are and we would love to have some chops. Yeah.

What is it like chops? Yeah, yeah. I need some chops in my axe. Somebody told me that. Neither one of us have chops. Okay. Well, somebody told me. Let's figure out what a chop is by him saying it because I don't even know what a chop is.

Yeah, tell me what a chop is. No, just do a chop and then we'll figure it out. I don't know who told me this, but somebody the comedy store said hey, you like you got some chops You know got jokes yet That's a chop right there It was a guy just at the bar and he was talking to me because he saw me on here. You're a bartender? No, no, no.

Okay. I think it was just some random guy at a bar. A serial rapist at the bar at the comedy store. He's like, you're not that funny. And I was like- It got worse. And I was like, I never said I was, you know? Like, so.

Okay. People are fucking disgusting. They're fucked up. Meanwhile, we're being horrific. No, we are fucking fucked up meanwhile we're being horrific come on if you might get some people why you so mean to I mean I get that's okay do we get any ever no okay never get it fucking say yeah don't fuck it because tell me a chop right now tell me a chop go ahead all right one two three and go all right so as we're watching this Alzheimer's commercial.

That's good when you laugh for a while before you say even the set up. You're making me shy. Just fucking do it, man. Now I feel bad. What do you say when you go up on stage? Give me the first thing you say when you go up on stage. I already told you.

What? About the lower back arthritis. Then do the joke. Oh my God, I'm so depressed right now. I swear, you. What? About the lower back arthritis. Then do the joke. Oh my God, I'm so depressed right now. I swear, you think I'm joking, but I'm so, I was so happy. I know, I know, let's talk about your festival. No, now I need to hear a chop.

Oh yeah, chop it up. Chop it up. Do it now or never. Okay. Oh, man over. Did you interrupt in my story for this? It's time to end the show. I forgot about what I was gonna say earlier, you fucking asshole. My head. Just do it now, man, you interrupted my story for this. It's time to ask about what I was going to say earlier.

You fucking asshole. Why don't you just do it now, man? My pubic hair grow. While we were talking, I had now the bush. It's just about men over 25 are high risk of lower back arthritis and the cause is just masturbating, standing up. And it's just nerve-racking. I know, it's okay.

No, that was a joke. Nerve-racking is a part of the joke. Oh. Nerve-racking. Gotcha. Boom, went over your head. It's a swear word. Went over your head.

He's alt-alt. You know, it's like off, off, off Broadway. He's alt-alt-alt it's like off off Broadway. It's alt alt alt alt. It's a new type of comedy. Yeah yeah. Well that's what a chop is. I don't know. Chops are nothing then.

No chops. Let me come up with a chop then. You have something. It's not worked out. Let me try. So. You have potential. I was at a Verizon store man and and I was like you change your accent

I think this is the way you do chops. I think you have to do chops this way. Yeah, okay, and my ankle hurt man You mean and the guy behind the counter go what's up with your aim? I got I twisted it when I was jogging Yeah, it's nerve-racking Oh, that's the punch line every time Every time you have to say nerve-racking. Oh, that's the punchline every time. Every time. You have to say nerve-racking. Nerve-racking. That's what a chop is.

Oh my God, that was so quick. Quick to say thank you, dude. Yeah, yeah. It was. I think the chops are nearly in me. Can I take that from you? What? Yeah, you can take that chop. I thought it was a great thing for you. You should lay on a stretcher.

Why? Because it could be a great prop. That's a great prop. Props are great. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like Darth Vader? You come up on a stretcher. Like Darth Vader?

Darth Vader was on a stretcher? Yeah. No, I mean, he was like, lay flat. In what movie? What? Well, didn't he rise up from the ground? You mean going to sleep and then waking up? Oh yeah.

A bed? A bed? A bed? A bed? A bed? Wait, what? Is that what you mean? A stretcher?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, like when you die and then they put you on a stretcher. Oh my God. I'm sorry, honey. It's gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay. He really doesn't know what a stretcher is. Okay, when you're, oh you do?

Okay, because it could be a good prop for you. You could wear like a gown and lay on a stretcher and yeah, a straight jacket. Okay, so this is what Jaime was talking about. So I think he meant this. Is that what you meant? Oh, yeah. Was he on his back first and then he...

Oh yeah, that thing brings him forward. I see what you're saying. Are you a Star Wars fan? No. What are you a fan of? Yeah. Stardew Valley. No, you're not.

Don't be jokey. What are you a fan of? Comedy. He's gonna be a star. This is a perfect situation. You think so? Yeah. He's good on podcasting. This is a perfect situation. You think so? Yeah. He's good on podcasting because he's odd.

And he's vulnerable. He's vulnerable, yeah. He is. He'll star in a sitcom as the neighbor. Yeah. Yeah, I think so. Or the cousin. Just a couple of lines here and there.

He'd crush it. Wear a helmet. Yeah. Because of skateboarding? Not because of skateboarding. Yeah, because you're know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. No, no, no, no. It's just the way you said it. Were you in regular school? Did you have a one-on-one? No, what I'm saying is when you're at school, right? And the bell goes, right?

And Ralph is going to the school. Are you going somewhere else? No, no, no. You might experience the same thing as me. The little bus? Where you going? They take us, so the school bell rang, and the kids went to recess. Yeah, and Reese's I love Reese

Reese's Reese's Oh Say recess recess recess. He can't do it. All right. Yeah, he's not gonna be able to do it mid break Let me say significant again, huh? He's significant from Jessica Significant yeah, do it again. What kind of thing what? Say significant in front of Jessica. Significant, I can't do it. Yeah, do it again. Please. Significant.

What? Significant. Ooh, he's been practicing. Oh, that was good. You've been practicing. What did you used to say? I can't say it. We'll boop it out.

You want me to say it? Yeah, we'll boop it out. Okay, I used to say it like, s*** it. It's because the school, I was, blame the school system. Please. That's real. You. That's not even a joke. That, blame the school system. Please. That's real. You.

That's not even a joke. That's how he used to say it. And you, so you don't mind getting roasted and stuff. This is great for your career. You're working with Bobby. I mean, this is like, are you getting more gigs now? Yeah. Yeah.

This is perfect. I lost one. I lost one. Are you kidding? I lost one. I almost tapped your knee and then I thought you'd shoot semen in my eye. I swear to God that's what just went. He gets women. He gets more women than I do I think.

Really? Yeah yeah yeah. Bobby gets more women. Okay. But it's good you get women. Yeah. What do you guys talk about it? Let's talk about it Justin now. Whatever they do it's significant. Very good. It's significant. We learned about chops. We learned so many things. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I'm gonna use some chops now.

Yeah, me too. They're so fun. They kill time, actually. Yeah, okay. It's no wrecking. They kill time. Where did you? It's nerve wrecking.

That was good. That was good. That drink. You get diarrhea from that? Surprisingly yes. Oh God. Why you? It's so good. The surprisingly yes was good delivery. Jaime is one of those people that also doesn't like needs basic food. He does like sushi is not his thing. Do you eat sushi? Yes. What do you eat? Um. DraftKings Casino DraftKings Casino DraftKings Casino

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168 hours. See terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promos ends 42725 at 1159 p.m. Eastern Time. Do you eat sushi? Yes. Yeah. What do you eat? Just like Chinese food and Mexican food. Just basic stuff. Do you eat ass? No. I knew it. Yeah. Do you? I'm not getting into that right now. No. I knew it. Yeah. Do you? I'm not getting into that right now. Right now. I would assume yes. I'm very open.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You know, I mean, I talk about it, about five months ago, I had my ass eaten the first time. That's it, five months ago? It was the very first time. Are you serious? No, I'm not, I mean, I guess I am serious.

Well, did you not want that before? Well, in my mind, I was just like, you know, it's like, you know, but you know, when we went to the shower, we showered together, and she's like, hey, just put some body wash on your butthole. That's hot. So I go, OK, and I do it. She made me do it like three or four times.

I'm not going to do the jump. I know you do. First of all, this is OK, but this is like so not a turn on, I feel like. She should have just squirted it and cleaned it, like don't you think? Yeah, but I don't know what she was doing. I thought she was just being a joke,

like just clean your body, you know what I mean? And then when we went to the bedroom, she did her thing, you know what I mean? But it was like, it was unbelievable. Yeah, I mean supposedly men love that. I don't know why I liked it. Cause it's wrong. Yeah, yeah. But I was- Don't you agree? I was a jerk, I like that. Cause it's wrong. Yeah, yeah.

But I was- Don't you agree? I was a jerk. I mean, can we even say that or no? Yeah, you can say jerk off. Yeah, yeah. But I was just like, oh yeah. It was great.

I know! Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. But anyway- If you were Jewish, you go, I, yeah, yeah. Yeah. My sinuses. Cause Jewish.

Why don't you just call me a kike? Sinuses, huh? Yeah, Jewish people have like the stereotype of my sinuses. Yeah, that's what we do. My sinuses, like that's so. Bro, look at this, I have sinuses. Let's talk about Jessica now.

Yeah, sorry. So with this new relationship, are you guys moved in together? No. You're not gonna do that anymore? It's not that I'm not gonna do that anymore. I just, like, kinda, you know, you rush into things fast.

It's not that I wouldn't rush into a relationship fast. It's just, like, first of all, we both have kids. So it's, you know, it's, and I'm older, like you do things responsibly now. When I was a kid, I was like, fuck it, I'll do anything. You know, and I was using. Yeah, me too, crazy. So I did some crazy things.

And me too. Yeah, I sucked dick when I was drinking. I'm not surprised. I'm not. I don't know what's going on. Was that a long time ago? You know what I mean? In high school. Yeah. In high school, I would not I don't know what's going on Was that a long time ago? I mean in high school. Yeah in high school I would get drunk at a party and then just be in a bush blowing some guy

I'm sorry. I've never heard the bush part. Yeah No, I mean here. I'll be honest with you. I've never shared this before but some I was at a party once I Know the guy's name. I'm gonna say it. Yeah, you can't yeah Yeah, but he goes he grabbed my I was like walking by a, I know the guy's name, I'm gonna say it. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, yeah, but he goes, he grabbed my, I was like walking by a bush and he just grabbed my wrist and he goes, come here, man. Oh. Right, and then.

Wow. Yeah, and he pulled it out. No, he didn't force me to do it, I just, I saw it, I was drawn. He was like popular, so I go, okay. Oh, wow. And I did it, yeah. Oh, no.

So he was like a popular. He didn't scar me. No, he was a popular straight guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, no one knows anything. It didn't scar you? What. He didn't scar me. No, he was a popular straight guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, no one knows anything. It didn't scar you? What? It didn't scar you?

No, because I already had done the same thing to somebody else. I don't know, can I say something and I could be totally wrong? Look at how sad that was. Look at how sad that was. I don't know if we always know what scars us and what doesn't.

Like I didn't think a lot of things scarred me. And then after like I would say something, I'd be like, oh my God, that happened. Like I said stuff just matter of fact. I'll tell you a story of what happened. I was on Guys We Fucked with Corinne and Christina. It's a great podcast. And it's a big.

I love them. Oh, they're great, right? And we were talking about experiences. And I said, when I was in college, I was date raped. And I mean, it's a funny podcast, OK? If you have a dark sense of humor, you're going to get this. Did they laugh when you said that? Well, we were laughing about our experiences.

And then I explained what happened. I went to a bar. This guy took me back to his apartment. There were other guys there. And then I literally what happened. I went to a bar, this guy took me back to his apartment, there were other guys there, and then I literally looked at them and I go, I wasn't a day rape, I was, like there was no day. We were dying laughing for five minutes. On that?

Yes, because- I'm trying to find the- Because I've been saying- Say it the way you said it then, maybe, that's what it is, because right now- No, you don't have to. First of all, you're guys. Yeah.

So it's a different situation. I see, I see, yeah, yeah. Plus, you know, as a female comic, I've been able to... It's not that it's funny that it happened, but I have to find humor in things. Or else I can't handle it, but it was like a moment of like, oh my God. Like I really never thought that.

I just said it was a day. When I just said, you know what I mean, the guy in the bush, I felt the same way. What did you feel? I felt like when I go, oh, it didn't scar me, but then I thought about it. I was like, if, if, cause I had so much trauma before that,

if none of those had occurred, I think that that would have been my trauma. 100, well also, oh my God, it's like when you've had so much trauma growing up, like you did, like that, tell me if I'm wrong, but that's like not a big deal. I mean, it is a big deal. I'm saying compared to what you think has happened.

I never thought about those incidents as being a big deal at all. I thought it was a funny thing. I just blew my friend, you know, whatever, you know what I mean? But it's like, when you think about it, you're like, mm, yeah, maybe there's something. Well, he grabbed your wrist and put, like, that's... Well, he was just, because, I mean, first of all,

I don't think that, like, when you're... Have you, okay, let's say you're in a bush. Okay, you're in a bush, right? Hangin' out in a bush. And there's people around partying, right? Wait, why are you in a bush? No, I'm just saying he was in a bush. Oh, he, oh.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, you're in a bush, like imagine you're being in a bush, right, and you want someone to blow you, right? And there's a party, right? You don't go, what do you go, kakakaka? I mean, what do you do to get his attention? Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah! Oh no!

Kuk, kuk, kuk, kuk. Right, right, you have to grab the wrist. Yeah, yeah, you have to grab the wrist. The wrist thing, I don't, you didn't think it was the bad part. It is, it's, it is. And he didn't grab my head to do it, I kind of went, I'll the wrist. The wrist thing, I didn't think it was the bad part. You know what I mean? And he didn't grab my head to do it. I kind of went, I'll do it.

Yeah, it's okay, I'm not gonna analyze you, but you are analyzing it, okay. You're justifying it. You're justifying it. I'm just saying in a war-like situation. A war. Well, you could say, hey, Bobby. Psst, psst, yeah.

Oh, right, right, right, okay, you're right. You don't have to break someone's wrist to get them to suck my dick. Oh, right, right, right. Okay, you're right. You don't have to break someone's wrist to get them to suck my dick. Okay, okay, okay, anyway. Okay. Psst, psst, suck my dick. Psst. Bobby's like, it's fine, it's fine, it's not trauma.

Don't worry, you can grab my wrist. Anyway, anyway, anyway. It's not offensive. Anyway, you know what I mean? Okay. We've all, not we've all, but when you're an addict. Yeah. Especially.

But don't you think that these things needed to occur for us to be here in the first place? To be as funny as we are. I don't think they all had to occur, but I think coming from pain and trauma makes us very funny. Because I always had to make things okay with humor or else I would not be here.

I just remember hating life as a kid. Me too. In my mind, I was, and I talk about this about my therapist, just I just consciously going, get me outta here. Aw. You know what I mean? Like this environment, I had a lot of love in my family too.

My parents loved me, but they just didn't know how to do it. It was generational trauma too, but it was just like, I just remember always being conscious going, I need to get out of this planet. You know what I mean? Yeah, and you don't know how to do it or what to do it. I don't wanna kill myself either. I know, I felt like that before too. Yeah, so and then when you,

when I started doing standup, it was like, yeah, I'll go up there. Like how bad could it be? That's how I felt. Right? I'm like, this is familiar. It feels horrible. Yeah, the negative attention

felt familiar to me. Yeah, me too. And then when I crush, that's beginning to feel familiar now to you. Is it for you? Yeah. Yeah. And I've also grown a lot. I feel just so much like, you know what's so great?

And I know you feel this way. Cause as kids we felt like we wanted, I wanna be here now, don't you? Yes. I love it. Yeah, me too. I mean, the only time- I don't wanna get emotional.

I'm almost back to- You can. No, I don't wanna, but when I said that, yeah, I love it now. I wake up and I pinch myself. I'm so glad to hear this- Do you feel that? It's really making me, yeah. I felt like that when we had our, like my first child. Yeah. It just brought so much joy and gratitude. Yeah. All that stuff. Yeah. It's a combination between sobriety, growing up just in general, being

older and also a little success helps. Yes, it does. It helps. That's something you've worked so hard at for so many years. Yeah. Also being like out of relationships where you weren't happy. Mm, yeah. That's, it's hard. Yeah. For me, it was hard. Yeah.

I mean, if you passed, so when you, let's say you were passing, dying, and you reflected on your life, I bet you you'll look at it as just pure joy. I've thought about that recently, and I would be very happy. I've lived an amazing life. I have.

I literally feel the same way. Yeah, I have. If I died and I was in my deathbed, I can't look back and going. There's a couple of things like, I should have went in on that audition. I'm too scared to go out. I mean, there's like little things, you know what I mean?

But in a general view, it would just be like, I experienced a lot. Now the one thing I haven't experienced is having a child. And that's why I want one now. Because I feel like I'm robbing myself from an experience. It's amazing. Yeah, and I, you know, just no one will have one of me. He will.

Yeah, yeah. We'll make a great baby. There's absolutely no way. How would that be? Even if we adopted, there's no way you're out. Would you ever want a child? He got upset. Oh my God, that's hilarious. He's like, I was hoping that would happen.

Do you want a kid or you don't know? Yeah, I want a kid. My God. It's because I was in the family, that would happen. Yeah. Do you want a kid or you don't know? No, yeah, I want a kid. My God. It's cause like, I was in a family, like I was in a house with a woman, but I was the only boy. So I was neglected as a child.

So now I want like a son or just a kid. Is that your trauma? I think so. The only friend I had was Ralph. Aw, but were you the youngest? No, so. The only friend I had was Ralph. So. Oh, but you were you the youngest? How? No, so it's like three older sisters than me and then my three baby sisters. Oh, wow. But I would think you would get more attention because you were the only boy. You know what I mean?

No, really? I would think so, too. But did you get your own room? Yeah, I have my own room. But then the three sisters, six girls split two other rooms. How big was this house? Just uh, it's a four-bedroom So my mom's masters and then two three other rooms. Damn. Oh wow, but were you close with your sisters? No, why because the three older were in high school and then I was only one in middle school and then my three baby sisters Were like first grade second second grade, third grade. Are any of them proud of your success so far? Yeah.

Okay, good. They come to the shows? Yeah, they try to but, cause I talk about their boyfriends and how shitty they are. Oh, so they must love it. I found humor in that. Cause like, you know, not everybody can relate to having that many sisters. Yeah, that's interesting. Three older and three younger. One of my sister's husband hates my jokes about him. Cause he's-

Oh yeah, for sure whisper that on a podcast. I love, he has cancer. There's only certain things you whisper. Yeah, what are the things? It used to be AIDS. AIDS, yeah. AIDS was a bit things? We used to be AIDS. AIDS, yeah. AIDS was a bit cancer. I used to yell it.

AIDS. That was my thing. You have AIDS! I hope your AIDS gets better! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so I yell AIDS and cancer. Those are the two things I yelled. No, I whisper AIDS, you whisper cancer.

Gay, you used to whisper gay. Oh my God. Back then, you'd forget it. I'll forget it you whisper cancer. You whisper. Gay, you used to whisper gay. Oh my God. Back then. Oh yeah, yeah. You'd forget it. I'll forget it. Now you. He's gay. Yeah.

He's gay. I'd be so angry about it. I can't even say that, but I want to say it. I can, cause I have dogs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then what's another thing? Illegal, you think illegal is one of those whisperers or? Depends on what state you live in.

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? What? Oh my God, I just got the chills. Yeah, I did too. That was haunting. Oh my God.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. That gets vag. I don't get vag. I can't imagine the sound you make when you are. Why did you put that in my head?

He whispers, he goes, I'm illegal. What did you say? Yeah, yeah. Oh, you want to hear when I climax? Yeah. Why? Climax? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh. Ugh.

Ugh. Yeah, yeah. What is the sound? All right, so I'm the woman. Okay. Do you do? Oh, you can't slip on a chip. Yeah, tidbit facts. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, um. You want to hear what I eat?

I'm the woman, you're locking eyes. You can put, cover your ears, but I need to, I need to. Do you lock, wait, do you lock eyes with the girl when you can't orgasm? Yeah. With one eye? That is so fucking crazy. Oh my God. I'm gonna have to do that.

I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do that. I'm gonna have to do, but I need to, I need to. Do you lock eyes with the girl when you orgasm? Yeah. With one eye? That's so fucking crazy.

Oh my God, dude. It's wild. I have to, I kind of. Like a pirate. We might as well just get a parrot. Do you cover them in spinach? No. Pop up.

Grrr. He was like, no, why would I do that, Jessica? I know, no, cabbage. Get an anchor tattoo on your head. So go ahead, what is it? Can you eat the girl? Yeah. And then what are you doing?

He wants you to speak dirty. I'm doing my taxes. Duh. Yeah, cause you're dirty. I'm doing my taxes Yeah, I'm watching severance. You're not willing so pretend like you're being Hey, baby We're doing the whole thing. Oh, yeah, we're already having sex right sweet. We just want to get the orgasm part Yeah, we're already in. How about this? I'm not in it. Just give us the fucking orgasm sound No, do you really close one eye? That's don't do that. Yeah, cuz you keep closing one Yeah, well have to look at her and I'm like, I fucking love you

He says I fucking love you Do you have a girlfriend? Yeah. Oh, so you're doing what you would say to her. Yeah. Have you ever Said that in an orgasm. I don't think I have. Me? Yeah, I fucking love you. I want someone to tell me they hate me. Yeah, yeah. Have you been spit in the face, Jess? Not in the face.

Yeah, me either. I wouldn't be okay with that. I'm not okay with that. At all. Yeah, me either. Pee? You a pee guy? No.

Okay. Shit. No, not pee. Shit. Diarrhea. I will always do diarrhea on her face, but I will not. Yeah. Drink a matcha latte. Okay, we can.

Let's move on. Let's talk about your special, Jessica. So that, does that make you calm when you spit on? I'm really uncomfortable. I just spit on myself. I'm sorry. Yeah, I'm really uncomfortable. Now I just spit on myself. we talk about Jessica special and then we can go back to it if you want to later

This is my special okay about his sex life, right? I can still try to figure out what I wanted to say like 20 minutes ago when you interrupted me I just can't fucking figure it out. Oh, I don't know. Yeah were we even talking about? I don't even know what we were talking about. Oh I know what it is but I can't do it because it's not you know I mean okay it was in that moment and then let's move past it but um sorry let me ask you something about Hulu okay um is it me or are they like unlike any other company because they're so nice to me. They company? Because they're so nice to me. They're great and they're so nice to me too.

And they gave me an opportunity that I didn't originally have. Well, Bill Burr gave me the opportunity. I have to say my first special on Comedy Central he executive produced. I would have not gotten that unless he said to them, I'm getting, I'm making Jessica's. Then he got a special deal at Netflix for 10 of them.

And he said, Jessica Kirsten's getting a special. They would have never given me a special, never. It's always been hard for me to get a special, which is, I don't complain about a lot of things, but that's fucking ridiculous. Yeah, but what about this one? So I had a deal with Netflix and then I changed. We decided to go with Hulu, with Bill.

Bill's still the executive producer. And they're very accommodating, very helpful. They worked with me on all ofating, very helpful. They worked with me on all of it, like everything, the trailer, the print, the whole special. They really helped me with everything. They were very hands-on. And they only doing 12 a year, which is different than the other places.

Right, right, right, that's good. One a month. Right, I mean, sorry, yeah, 12 a year, one a month. I know, Matt. Sorry. But yeah, but mean, sorry, one a, yeah, 12 a year, one a month, yeah. Yeah, I know, Matt. Sorry. But yeah, but also all the other companies, I wanna name names, it just felt like they had no interest in doing,

I mean, like, you know, they had no interest of doing one with me. But Hulu feels like they came at me. Well, I just said that for me. They came at me hard. They came at me hard too. Yeah, and that's all I want is someone to go, we love you, come. you want people to recognize your town

Yes, you want I wanted people to recognize what happens in the audience when I perform and I'm sorry it sounds egotistical But it's the fact and I hate myself, but I I people belly laugh and are you know hitting each other and screaming? That's what they do when you perform. So why is no one giving us a stretch? How many did you do of those, like four? And cut the four together? Two. Two, wow. Yeah, I did two in one night. The first one, I've done so much TV like you and Phil.

I have never been that nervous. Wow. I don't know what, I think I just felt so much pressure because they were so supportive and they believed in me so much and I just put, I don't know what happened. The first show I was freaking out, I was sweating a lot.

How did you do? I did okay, I did well. The second show I killed. Because I was like, that's how I am like you are. I'm like, you have to do well. Like there's no choice. You have to rip the room apart. Because you, because you you did well you did great on the last show, but you need to kill and I did yes When I have to have something bad happen for me to learn me too. Yeah, that's that's stand-up

Yeah, and I you're killing what I'm learning and the thing that I tell myself is like I will not allow myself to be in that position again. Yeah, me too. And it's all mental. It's just about how I was thinking about myself and my act or whatever the situation is before I did it. And you just kind of go, oh no, I'm gonna be myself. I don't care if it goes well or not. I wanna be free. That's what happened on the second show, I was free.

I wasn't free on the first one. I always tell young comics this, is there's a difference between, and this is what I love about you, there's a difference between writing funny and being funny. Yeah, I agree. And you have both.

Yeah, thank you. I think you need both. You are just intrinsically funny. Thank you. You're just funny. And then also you're being funny on stage. Also your jokes are good, you know what I mean? But it's like, you need the combination of you know of things

Okay This is serious question yeah for the many years you guys have been doing in Like before you started or like at the time Like before you started or like at the time. Bobby your face though. I'm just looking at him. I'm really trying to be there. Okay so the amount of years you guys have been doing it, do you guys still go up on stage like not with like low expectations from the crowd or like you know what I'm talking

about? No. Oh that's because this is a certain way I'm not putting it out. I have no idea what you're talking about. Like, okay, you might go on stage. You said, because you mentioned at the great outdoors, like you go up there like, okay, I'm not going to kill it. I'm just going to do like my shit.

No, I never, I always want to kill. Yeah, me too. Oh, okay. Yeah, I always- You go with that mentally? Always. Yeah, always. They deserve it.

Most people have no money and they can't even afford a ticket and people are suffering. My manager says I'm like the Grateful Dead for the mentally ill. Oh, wait. My fans are not okay. Not either.

Right, we're the same. Yeah. I mean, if there's Asians in the crowd, it's not your typical, you know what I mean? Got it. I'm gonna go to work, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? Go to the crowd, it's not your typical, you know what I mean? Got it. I'm gonna go to work, you know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean?

Go to work. No, it's more like, you know what I mean? They have like Chinese stars and a mohawk. Yeah, I know your body. And a cyberpunk, you know what I mean? Yeah, they're great. You know what I mean? Those types, you know what I mean?

Yeah. Like, Ichi the Killer. Look up Ichi the Killer. If I see Asians in the crowd, this is what they look like. Yeah, I always go up just wanting to give them a show. Yeah. They all look like...

That's kind of true. That's my fan base right there. The knife. So many of these... Scars on the face. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? Who is that?

It's a movie called Ichi the Killer. It's a great movie. Oh, okay. It's about a killer, but his name is Ichi. I forgot what the movie's about. You killed Ichi. So can I ask you some advice here on my dating? Because we're both the same. So this feeling of like, oh my God, what's gonna happen?

And these butterfly feelings and this and that. How do you conquer those emotions? Why do you need to conquer them not conquer them, but it's like You should have them for it makes me nervous of course it does because it's intimate Yeah, I get nervous and you think it's gonna go away. Yeah, and it's abandonment stuff, right? Yeah. Yeah, that's why cuz you're really feeling something I'm feeling something. I feel it's gonna go away, away of course and I'm already expecting what I'm gonna do I know the pain and then might you know, I already know my out as I'm gonna I'm gonna go to a gym This is my pain when she breaks my heart I'm gonna go to a gym work out right and I'm gonna work on my special cuz I do my doing my Hulu in January

You know me so, you know me but I already have an out because I'm doing my Hulu in January. You know what I mean? So, you know what I mean? But I already have an out to make my comfort myself. Well, that's so, I mean, I do the exact same thing. But the thing that helps, I mean, like in a relationship for me is talking about it. Like if you can get to the point where you can talk to her

about your fears, I'm serious. I know that's hard for men, but like it helps a lot. Yeah. Because then it's not like this secret thing and or else you're, I'd feel like you're always gonna feel like you're gonna be abandoned. Yeah, but I don't want her to think I'm needy and a bitch. Yeah, don't tell her your emotions.

No, men can't tell their emotions. I'm not talking about now. Like right now? No, no, no, just in general. Ever. Yeah, never, don't admit your emotions. Yeah, I don't know if I trust you there. No.

Are you being serious? Yeah, what about you, Gil? Yeah, tell your emotions. Oh, thank you, you do. Yeah, yeah, right. You have to, you can say it in a way that it doesn't sound like needy or whatever. Yeah, okay, so later in the-

And I'm not saying to do it all the time, I'm just saying that then you don't hold on to that fear. I'm saying in the beginning, in the beginning, what do you do? Just go through it. You have to just go through it. I mean, listen. I feel like you're-

I sound like a bitch. No, I feel like you're like, no, you're just a passionate person. You're an emotional person. You're also an addict. This is the thing. I'm gonna talk about my own experience. With addiction, do you know, have you ever heard that term?

There's seven garbage cans and six lids. There's always one addiction brewing. Oh, that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I don't know, I've obsessed over people. Like really obsessed over a person. And it's addictive. And are they obsessed with you in return? It doesn't even matter. Right.

Because it feels like it's making my life unmanageable because every fucking minute I'm wondering if they're texting me, right. So this is probably controlling your life. No. Okay. Not yet. But I'm saying worrying if she's gonna text you, how long it's been, like I know some of that is normal,

but I think like with people like us, it can be a little extreme. No. Are you being serious? No, here's what I wanna say, okay, is, I get what you're saying. I have the, back in the early days of my life, in my 20s, I was like that because that's all life. I, is, I get what you're saying. I have the, back in the early days of my life,

in my 20s, I was like that because that's all I had. Right. So imagine having a crush on somebody and you have nothing else. Yeah. Right? But because I have so much going on in my life, right, I can divert that energy into other things and then I'll probably act out in weird ways.

Like if she was like, I'm not interested in you, I'll just go to a strip club or whatever, you know what I mean, and act out. Yeah. And then hit a bottom with that. You know what I mean? So yeah, it's not a good ending, you know what I mean? But I was gonna say, believe it or not,

one of the things I was gonna say is to stay busy. Yeah, that's what I would do. I would activate my life. But I'm saying now. I'll do it now. Yeah, because what are you asking? Like what's what do you think the issue is? Because I have a, you know, it's like, oh god, slow down. Oh my god. I love that you just said slow down.

Yeah, so what I'm asking is, since I haven't felt like this about somebody in a long time, right? It's scary. It's not scary, it's just like, and I just know I already foresee the pain, right? Do you ever foresee pain or no? Of course, but I also think it's like, you can try to be open.

You're a different person. Like you just said that. You're doing a lot of work on yourself. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. You're sober. That's Like you just said that. You're doing a lot of work on yourself. You're sober. That's why I'm even asking you is because I wanna do it in a healthy way, you know what I mean? And I have therapy theorists, they'll talk to her about it. I think it's just trying to be as-

I feel like a bitch, dude. I know, you're a guy. I feel like a bitch. You know what I mean? It's like a sensation of like, man up, dude. Who gives a fuck, bro? You know what I mean? But then there's also that sensitive side of me

and that kid that never had what I needed growing up. You know? And so I struggle between the two people. I know, I really understand that. I do, not in the same, but I have a very similar situation. Anyway, Jessica's special, wow. When does it come out? Wow.

Yeah. What does it come out, Jess? It comes out April 25th, Friday, and I'm so excited because I wanna say something so that your fans can hear everyone listening. This special is for everyone. Like men love my comedy and a lot of straight guys come to my shows.

You know, the ones that pull people into bushes to get help. I'm afraid. But they do, which is very rare for female comic. It's very rare to see like a group of guys come together to my show. I wanna say something right now to my listeners, whoever's listening.

She is an absolute beast. Why do you think Tom and I ingested those shows in Canada? Why do you think Bill Burr is producing your shows? She is legitimately one of the funniest comics on planet Earth and you have to watch it. If you're a fan of comedy, you have to watch her rip. Because it's unlike anything else. I really, really believe that.

I think your talent is just insane. And then you have other tour dates. Yeah, I have a bunch of stuff going on. Where are you playing observatory? Wait, you know what? In San Diego. Yeah, go ahead. The Beacon is the same night. playing sanator observatory wait you know what San Diego yeah the beacon is the same night the beacon is a very big special theater in the city that's a really big night for me okay I always wanted to play the beacon okay and it's

the same night as the special Wow which is just a random show check it out there now yeah yeah and then all these good just go with Jessica Gerson comm yeah okay and check her out and then um you, just go with jessicagerson.com? Yeah. Okay, and check her out, and then, you know, how many times have you done this podcast? This is my second time. Yeah, did you have fun today? Oh my, are you kidding? Are you not?

I mean, I love you so much. I love you too. I just think the world of you. I see, I feel the same way. You're such a good person. I think we're amazing. We're the same in many ways. Yeah, very similar, yeah. And, you know, whenever I see you, I feel the same way. You're such a good person. I think we're amazing. We're the same in many ways.

Yeah, very similar. And you know whenever I see you I feel so much joy. Me too. And we should go to more meetings but anyway. Right? I think we should. You're like yeah I feel so much joy and we should relapse together. Yeah yeah yeah. And do crystal meth. Yeah but um so check give Jessica, Chris on a round of applause. Woo! Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for being such a good sport. But um, so check if Jessica Chris on a round of applause