TigerBelly - Lisa Gilroy and the Final Victoria’s Secret Destination

Episode Date: January 1, 2025

Actress and Comedian Lisa Gilroy meets Bobby for the 1st time. We chat Moco Island, anti-semitic sentiments, Final Destination Lasik, Shaaa, Thanksgiving Michael Bay drama, and towel boys.  Start... earning points on rent you’re already paying by going to www.joinbilt.com/belly www.joinbilt.com/belly. Make sure to use our URL so they know we sent you: www.joinbilt.com/belly, to start earning points on your rent payments today.  

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Music I'm a little lupuma I'm a little lupuma I'm a little lupuma It's peaceful. You're a peaceful nugget. You're shocking dude. Stop shocking dude. The way he does it. You don't know how to shock a dude. Do you? That's why I've never done it dude.
Starting point is 00:01:03 I'm not confident behind it. I mean, he did it. I know you guys did it, but you didn't do it right. Wait until the show, dude. Don't do anything funny. Yeah. And when you greet her, just. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:17 Yeah, shock her. Shock her. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretend you're from an island. But don't laugh. No, you're from Moko Island. Moko Island. Yeah, we found her from Moko Island. Hey, have, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Starting point is 00:01:46 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Starting point is 00:01:50 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Starting point is 00:01:54 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Starting point is 00:01:58 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Starting point is 00:02:02 Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey! Don't worry, we're safe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did it start already? No, it doesn't. We don't start.
Starting point is 00:02:07 We don't start until we start, you know? Lisa Gilroy, welcome to Tiger Valley. Shaka, yeah, yeah, Shaka. Whoa. She's from Canada. I've been wanting on this positive. She did everyone else's before. It's fine. It's fine. Yeah, I have no resentment. I had to work my way to the top. Wow. Ooh la la. Shaka, dude. Shaka forever, dude. But his name is Longo from Moko Island.
Starting point is 00:02:46 Hello. Nice to meet you. Hello. Olo. Olo. Olo. Yeah, yeah. And tell them about where you're from, Longo.
Starting point is 00:02:56 Island, big tree. Yeah, big tree island. Wow, very nice. Coconuts. Yeah, they have big trees and coconuts. Not on the same, right? You have coconut trees and the big trees. The big trees aren't coconuts?
Starting point is 00:03:09 They're bushes? Yeah, yeah. They're coconut trees. Okay, anyway. Aw. I love that. Hey. You're so positive.
Starting point is 00:03:17 I'm so happy to meet you. See, she's very good. You know, you're like one of those white girls that lives in the Congo with the animals and stuff. Yes, I am. And I teach them about Christ. Oh, you do? It's so important because there's people over in other places, nations such as Africa, such as different sorts of
Starting point is 00:03:39 Asian islands, things like that, and they don't know about Christ. You can believe it. I can't believe it. Actually, so sad. Yeah. I know so much about Christ. Me too.
Starting point is 00:03:51 Worship and adore. You do really? Yeah. He's a sun god, but it's fine. You know what I mean? He's a sun god or he's the son of God? Both. Careful.
Starting point is 00:04:00 Both. My true Christian detective is going off. Are you really a Christian? No. Okay. Do you really a Christian? No. Okay, okay. Do you believe in any kind of religion? I don't know if I do. I don't think I do.
Starting point is 00:04:11 Maybe there's a God. Wow, we're really getting into it, huh? You probably have the whitest teeth ever. I mean, is it like white strips or how do you just brush every day? Well, it's like a lobotomy for the mouth. They strap you down and they point a light at your mouth and it looks really bad.
Starting point is 00:04:30 Have you ever had that? No. I wouldn't recommend it. Yeah, but were they yellow before? Yeah, they were all crusty falling out, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had to pick them up off the floor, put them back in. Yeah, you look like you've never had a cavity.
Starting point is 00:04:43 Oh my God, Bobby, I have so many cavities. Currently. This is my problem, actually. I did have my teeth whitened, but they were pretty white before because I don't have a lot of enamel, so I get cavities really easy. And I love sweets.
Starting point is 00:04:56 Yeah, yeah. Like, what are these? Yeah, that's a plastic papaya. Hmm, mind if I? It's fine. Do you live here now? Yeah. Oh great. In your home?
Starting point is 00:05:08 No, I mean in LA in general. I wish I lived in this home. It's so beautiful. Thank you. I live here in LA, yes. I've been here for like six years. That's interesting. Is it? I've run into you one time or how many? One time? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:05:21 I think one time. When? Where? I don't remember. I feel like I've said hi to you. No, I've never said hi to you. I don't think it was. Like at the improv or something? No. Never met. This is the first time we've met. I don't know. I think one time. When, where? I don't remember. I feel like I've said hi to you. No, I've never said hi to you. I don't think it was. Like at the improv or something? No, this is the first time we've met.
Starting point is 00:05:29 I actually think that. Yeah, I think so too then. Wow, what an intro then. I was too like formal. I mean too, what do you, what do you, what do you, You can decide on this. No, what do you call it when you're like, you're too familiar with somebody?
Starting point is 00:05:41 I was not to you though. Comfortable, comfortable. You went for a high five and I went for a hug. So I think I was guilty of being. That's why you were like, we've met before, right you crazy bitch? Yeah, maybe that's what it is. Yeah. So, um, she's an actress. She's in the new China show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. With Jimmy Changchang and Ronnie. Ronnie Changchang. Yeah what I mean? And yeah, great guys. Yeah, great. Really great guys.
Starting point is 00:06:08 And both have done this program. And Jimmy a couple of times. Yep. Yeah. It's on Hulu the show. Yep. Hulu the show. It's called the Hulu show.
Starting point is 00:06:18 And then my old boss did it too. How old's your boss? No, my old boss. His name is New Zealand guy. What's his name? Taika Watata. Oh. Why he produced it? Yes. Give him a round of applause. Are you the only white lady on that show? I am actually. Yeah. So I guess I'm more of a minority than anyone else here. What do you play on that? I play detective. Detective Sarah Green and she's really mean and she never smiles. Oh wow.
Starting point is 00:06:46 Wow. Yeah. Did you date, was it offer or did you just act it? Offer only, honey. No. The last thing I got offered was probably, oh, it was like a diarrhea pill commercial. I don't get offers for anything more than that. No, well, probably history of the world you probably didn't audition.
Starting point is 00:07:01 Oh, that's true. But those are like, yeah, small roles and I had diarrhea while I was young. I did that show too. Yeah you did. Did I do it? Yeah everyone did it. Yeah there we are. Oh this is and okay this is the show. Yes. Yeah and that's you look great. Thanks. You really look like a detective there. Yeah I'm doing my best. And was that hot with that turtleneck or? I'm always kind of cold so I like that. How are you right now in your hat? Bobby, Bobby, wake up. Bobby, are you okay? No, I'm, no.
Starting point is 00:07:29 Oh my God, that was so fucking scary, right? Yeah, he does that. No, because I have, well you know what? It takes a long for me to process things. Oh no, tell us. Well sometimes you know, you say things and then it just takes like, it goes in the ear. Yeah, comes out the mouth, goes back in the butt.
Starting point is 00:07:44 It comes back out the mouth. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah yeah and so they took me a second but what was the question again I'm on my hat do you I was wondering if you run cold because you're all winterized over there you're like a cuddly little well I'll have to tell you well let me connect let me ask you a question this is what happened last last night okay or two nights ago it's gonna be a question it is gonna be a question sorry perhaps this gonna be a question. Sorry prep. So this is what happened So I was at the cellar, okay, you know what that is. Yes where you hide when the big storm Yeah, think you
Starting point is 00:08:17 Know but the comedy seller. Okay. Yeah in New York. Sure. Oh New York City. Yeah, the- Have you ever been there? Yes, I have. I- Mongo, Mongo, you've been there, right? Yes, I have. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:30 And so, have you been there? Yes. Yeah. Have you guys been there? Let's just all do a quick show of hands if you've been to New York. Yes. No, no, the seller, at the Comedy Cellar.
Starting point is 00:08:42 I've been there. Raise your hand if you've been at the Comedy Cellar. Oh, I thought you were talking about New York City. I actually haven't been to the Comedy Cellar in New York. Then you haven't. No, I, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, wait, wait. This is Willy Wonka. Bro, bro, bro. No, hold on. Slobberknockers? Bro. Interior Chinatown. Bro. Bro, you've never done that before. You're watching Slobberknocker porn and we heard it.
Starting point is 00:09:13 Dude, take your dick out. Wow. We heard it. Wow. So, so I'm at the cellar. Wait, what was, what is Slobberknockers? What is Slobberknockers? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:09:22 I was just yes, Andy, whatever you said. But that's what I heard from your phone. It said Slobberknockers. What is slobberknockers? I don't know, I was just yes-ing whatever you said. That's what I heard from your phone. It said slobberknockers. It was a fight thing, right? Yeah. Like a fight, yeah. Yeah, wow. It was about, what was it, a UFC fight from last night?
Starting point is 00:09:33 And you had just that on your phone, you were watching that earlier? Bobby, I think we found your skill, your one and only skill. Overhearing a little clip and being able to say where it's from. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I should play a, later I'll play movies and scenes
Starting point is 00:09:43 and see if you can figure it out. Yeah, but don't do like one line. Do do like 20 seconds of something 20 and only do stuff That's made after like 2011 cuz I'm so young. Yeah. Thanks. Like, you know those people that You know those people like those games where they got what? You're 19. I was doing a bit man. I know but she's 19 My bad, that was very important take it easy. Yeah, take know but she's 19 Okay, I Forgot what I was saying. But anyway, um, no, you know Sometimes when they go they have those games where they play a note and they go boop and they go oh that let it be
Starting point is 00:10:19 You can yeah try me later with with us or no, I'm gonna play something it's a couple of things Yeah, that's not how it works. Yeah. Yeah, just me later with us. Oh no, I'm gonna play something, a couple of things. Oh, there we go. That's not how it works. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can just play a note. Imagine. Yes! Okay, listen, what's your story about the...
Starting point is 00:10:33 Yeah, wow, that was really good. What's your story about the Comedy Cellar in New York? I forget it. What about... No, so, you know, I play, there's a bunch of different rooms, so I play the Village Underground, right? And so then I go, you know what, I'm going to go to that little restaurant, like, attached to the, you know, the original, you know, room.
Starting point is 00:10:53 That's where all the comics hang out. And there's that main table in the back. Do you remember? I haven't been there. Oh, yeah, yeah. She says she's never been to the comics. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But just imagine. Okay, I am. yeah, yeah, yeah. But just imagine. Okay, I am.
Starting point is 00:11:05 Yeah, yeah, yeah. So imagine it. Imagine that you've been there, okay? So I wanna tell you how it works then. There is the original room there, right? It seats like 120 people, and then it's attached to a restaurant, and anyone can go to the restaurant,
Starting point is 00:11:20 but in the very back table, that's where all the comics hang out. Okay. Right? And I do, and the Village Underground is a cellar room, but it's like to the restaurant, but in the very back table, that's where all the comics hang out. Okay. Right? And I do, and the Village Underground is a cellar room, but it's like down the street. So I got out of the building, I walked to the restaurant,
Starting point is 00:11:33 cause I wanted to hang. Okay. Right, so I go, you know what, I'm gonna go to the table. Yeah. Right? I'm picturing like that old painting of the dogs playing poker around the table.
Starting point is 00:11:40 Dude, no. That was like the coolest dogs in comics. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Smoking cigars. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're all dogs. Right? Yeah. Okay.
Starting point is 00:11:51 You like that? I mean, it's kind of cool, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. You have animals at home? Sure. I'd fuck a dog. Let's move on.
Starting point is 00:11:58 Stop asking me if I'd fuck a dog. I would. All right. So, yeah, so we got, that's a great, anyway, yeah, it's just like that. Okay. So I just see people's backs of their heads, but I see Mark Maron there. So would you do this?
Starting point is 00:12:09 Wait, WTF? Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. So, and I know Mark, so I'm like, oh, I'm gonna go, and as I come around the corner of the table, it's Chris Rock and Louis CK. Okay.
Starting point is 00:12:26 Sitting there. And then Mark looks at me and he does the most subtle of. Don't come over here. Yeah, yeah. Right? This is mommy daddy. Yeah, so then I went to the bar and I just sat at the bar and just kinda talked to like
Starting point is 00:12:39 open microphones. Wait, what point in your career is this? Is this like you're not famous enough to hang with us or is it like we're having a conversation about something secret? Well, I could have imagined the nod. That's where I'm stuck at. When I looked at Mark, I don't know if it was a nod
Starting point is 00:12:55 of like, don't sit down or maybe he was just kind of looking at me. Oh. Yeah, I don't know. So you think you maybe imagined. I think I might have imagined like, don't come here. That's so sad. That's so sad. It's so sad. It was like, save me.
Starting point is 00:13:06 Come over here. Yeah. Yeah, but there was a little bit of a, OK, look at me right now. OK? See what I'm saying without, right? So you walk around the corner and I look at you and I go. Bobby. Let's do it again.
Starting point is 00:13:21 OK, guess what I'm saying. That's what you said. That's what you said. Yes? That's what you said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All right, all right, so how about this? Okay, ready to go. Just do it with your eyes, I don't think you should be moving your head.
Starting point is 00:13:32 All right. Oh, see, that's interesting, because that either means like, that's a good point, because it does either mean like sit down and help me, I'm drowning in this conversation, or get the fuck out of here. Or get the fuck out of here. Yeah, yeah, I don't know what it is.
Starting point is 00:13:43 Interesting, well have you ever talked to Mark? No, I haven't talked to him since then, but I've chose the latter. That was the latter? No, I chose the negative of it. Oh, latter just means like the other. Yeah, I know. That's why you're regrouped. I regrouped, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:13:59 Call it out. Sorry, it just seemed like you were like panicking. Like you were like looking out at your crew like, fuck, like shit, should I have a podcast about what I'm doing? You're right, you're right, you're right. So I was like, turn it out. He chose to shoot. So what would you have done in that situation?
Starting point is 00:14:12 Oh, I always assume people don't want me around. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying, it's sad because I relate to that. Yeah, you relate to that. So I sat there and then I just left, and then I saw David Tao, who I'm very familiar with. He goes, eh, let's go have a cigarette. You know, let's go have a smoke.
Starting point is 00:14:28 Cigarette, my point is that, but I've been thinking about that situation because I think that's plagued me all my career of me going, I'm not gonna go there because I'm not wanted. And you make assumptions about certain things. Do you do that? Yeah, definitely.
Starting point is 00:14:44 But you do it anyway? No, I don't hang out anyways. If I feel like I'm not, if I feel like they don't want me there, I wouldn't do that. But I might do a double check, because with girls it's different. Because if Mark was a girl, then maybe he was saying like, help me.
Starting point is 00:14:56 Sometimes girls are giving each other help me eyes, and that's something I don't ever want to, you know, write off as like a different look. I see. So I would check, I would swoop back in for like a second round of eye contact to make sure it was what I thought it was. Yeah, but.
Starting point is 00:15:11 Don't point at me, what the fuck? Okay. Okay, wait. Is that better? Is that better? Better? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But, okay.
Starting point is 00:15:20 Yeah, because you know, I'm a warlock. Oh my God, congrats. You're welcome. Anyway, um, appropriate response to congrats. So, um, oh, what I was gonna say is, um, built B I L T. Built B I L T. T. Listen, um, there was many years where I had to pay rent and when you pay rent, your money goes to waste. But not with Bilt.
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Starting point is 00:18:05 and expire in 168 hours. Terms at casino.draftkings.com slash promo. ["Drafft Kings"] Appropriate response to Congrats. So, what I was going to say is, I don't know what I was, oh yeah, yeah. What I was going to say is, if you't know what I was, oh yeah, yeah. What I was gonna say is if you got a call, right, from a friend, and your friend's like, hey Lisa, dude, Michael Bay, right? Is this Bobby?
Starting point is 00:18:36 Is this Bobby? No, I'm Joanna. Joanna? Yeah, so let me change the voice. Hi, it's Joanna. Oh, hey Joanna, what's up girl? Hi. What's going on? Why'd you call? I just want to say hi. Okay, I'm in the bathtub. All right. I have to go. Anyway, anyway. So Michael Bay, you know the Michael, Transformers Michael Bay. Oh my God, I love him.
Starting point is 00:18:50 Yeah, yeah. So there was like a pork pucker party. What? What? Let me just say that again. I'm so excited. Joanna, are you okay? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Starting point is 00:18:57 A pork pucker party? Joanna, where are you? I'm coming to pick you up, girl. Stay where you are. I'm just so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so nervous. I'm so excited. Joanna, are you okay? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. A poker party? A pokerpuggery?
Starting point is 00:19:05 Joanna, where are you? I'm coming to pick you up, girl. Stay where you are. I'm just so nervous, because I'm so excited. So let me say that again, right? Okay. He's having a poker party.
Starting point is 00:19:13 Sorry, what? A poker party. A poker party. Poker, poker. A poker party. A poker party. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just want to say a phasic poker party.
Starting point is 00:19:23 You know what I mean? It doesn't make any sense. Anyway, and he really wants you to come. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just wanna say a phasher, pukka pukka, you know what I mean? Doesn't make any sense. Anyway, and he really wants you to come. Me? Yeah, yeah. Are you gonna go? No. Oh, I'm not gonna go.
Starting point is 00:19:31 No? I won't go without a wing woman. Okay, I'll go with you. I'll go. Okay. It's just me, you, Michael. Oh my God. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:19:38 And all the pork. At the pork poker party. Yeah, yeah, and also, this guy named, random guy named John. I don't know him. Okay, sounds fun. All right, so you would go. Sure.
Starting point is 00:19:49 Well see, I wouldn't go to that. Why not? It just seems fishy. But listen, you were told explicitly Michael Bay wants you to come. Yeah. Yeah. So that's...
Starting point is 00:19:59 That's how you know if someone wants to come. I would like to see you. Oh, you're right, you're right, you're right. Here's an invite I wouldn't respond to. Pick up your phone now. Ring ring. Oh wait, but who are you? I'll tell you.
Starting point is 00:20:10 I'll tell you. Okay, okay. You don't have call ID. Okay, I wouldn't pick it up, but okay. But anyway, okay. Hello? What's up bitch? Shouldn't have picked up the fucking phone.
Starting point is 00:20:22 Who is this? Can see you through the window. Click. Click. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just a different kind of phone call. That's just a different kind of phone call. That has nothing to do with that. Okay, here's a different one.
Starting point is 00:20:33 Oh wait, that has nothing to do with that. No it didn't. That had nothing to do with. I just wanted to kind of show you the dangers of answering without. Oh, I'm learning something new. I'm learning something new. Okay, now it says Lisa Gilroy calling on the phone.
Starting point is 00:20:45 Don't reject it. OK. Don't decline it. All right, so clip, clip. OK. Hey, Bobby, it's Lisa. Hey! I'm going to, Michael Bay and the.
Starting point is 00:20:53 Wait, wait. Who are you talking to? Too excited. OK, yeah. Hey. Hey. Yeah, that's more normal. Michael Bay invited me to a poker game tonight.
Starting point is 00:21:03 And he said my invitation didn't have a plus one, but I was thinking I should bring you. Do you want to come? Well, he specifically said you don't get a plus one? I got an email saying no plus ones allowed. But I think I'm not going. Yeah, see, that's OK. Yeah, I'm not going.
Starting point is 00:21:20 That's where I would also agree that you can't go. Because so I go. But I'm saying Michael Bay is chomping at the bit to get his hands on your little ass, get over to the poker game tonight. You should also say no. Oh really? Because I did have an invite from him for Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:21:36 And I chose, did I tell you about that? No! Yeah, so, no, but listen, guys listen. It's his wife, right? Anger. Sorry. His wife texts me and she goes, listen, I's his wife, right? His wife texts me and she goes, listen, I don't know what you're doing for Thanksgiving, but me and Michael would love to have Thanksgiving
Starting point is 00:21:51 to have dinner with you. Oh my God. Megan Fox? No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, and so I go, I can even tell you the text exchange. I would love that. Let's call him right now. What?
Starting point is 00:22:04 You should FaceTime him. No, I don't know, no, no, no. I would love that. Let's call him right now. What? You should FaceTime him. No, I don't know. No, no, no. So, cause okay. So scared. I'm so scared. I just got, I just start troubling. Yeah, you're a trouble.
Starting point is 00:22:11 Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? I'm not shy, dude. Shia can do that. Yeah. Yeah. Big fan. Shia Lepof.
Starting point is 00:22:18 Anyway, he doesn't do that. Shaka. He doesn't. Shaka. Oh yeah, I was going to go. So I was going to find, I'll show you what. Your text exchange with Michael Bay. Or Michael Bay's wife.
Starting point is 00:22:29 His wife, all right. So, so. Did you have other Thanksgiving plans I just have to ask? Cause it's like, you were choosing one over the other. It's not like you chose to be alone over going to Michael Bay's house. What'd you say?
Starting point is 00:22:42 I'm sorry. I just, I thought you brought me on as a podcast. No, no, no. Something I said. You just'm sorry. I just, I thought you brought me on as a podcast. No, no, no. Something I said. You just, you just don't? Now I'm gonna. No, can I just say this though?
Starting point is 00:22:50 Oh, yeah, fuck you Lisa, because you talk real fast. You know what I mean? Also, yeah, I told you I process slow. Bobby, as your co-host, I was trying to help you kill time while you scrolled through your phone. I know, okay, so I got it now. Okay. Are you ready?
Starting point is 00:23:02 So she goes, oh, what you doing for Thanksgiving? So then I go, No real plans yet. What are you guys doing? Come over, we're having a dinner with Beacher's coming. Our friend, Jeff Beacher. And I go, seriously? Okay, maybe.
Starting point is 00:23:17 And I just never went. Oh, that was so rude. What the hell, that's so cold. Yeah. And it's because you felt that you weren't truly invited? If he texted me, that'd be different. But I don't know, I just felt like a- The wife is even better than Michael May.
Starting point is 00:23:35 She decides who comes to the house. Yeah, it's also- Your career's over, you should've gone. Okay, hold on, okay, stop, stop for a second. I feel bad for him. Yeah, let me ask you something. Yeah. Gilroy. Yeah. Okay. Um, have you ever been in a situation and this, this equates to the whole fucking seller debacle. All right. It's, you know, the power dynamics are different,
Starting point is 00:24:02 right? Yeah. You know that the people that you're gonna be with are bigger bigger names You mean they have more power right and so then you're in a situation where you're like You don't say much and you try to find your windows to say things and I just didn't want to do that Okay, here's my thing though. I think that they the big dogs invited you to be their little dancing queen They were like Bobby's so funny. He's gonna make the dinner fun for us because we're all too big and important to have fun Yeah, I don't want that pressure to be their little dancing queen. They were like, Bobby's so funny, he's gonna make the dinner fun for us because we're all too big and important to have fun. Yeah, I don't want that pressure to be the monkey. Yeah, but there's a certain group of people
Starting point is 00:24:30 that will laugh at anything you say. Yeah, so I'm at dinner like, ee-dee-dee-dee-dee, and they're like, ah, right, I go, gudu-dudu, gudu-dudu. You hear what I mean? That is it. Yeah, gudu-dudu, gudu-dudu. Oh, they're doing the gudu-dudu again.
Starting point is 00:24:40 That's actually really fucking fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? You should come over to my house for the next time. You should come over to the gudu-dudu. Now that was fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? You should come over to my house for the next week. You should come over to the good and the bad. Now that was funny. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I would do too much.
Starting point is 00:24:49 Oh, interesting. You know what I mean? Because I go around the table, I do a little dance. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You're basically working. I do jazz hand, you know what I mean? You're choosing to work over the holiday.
Starting point is 00:24:56 I don't want to do that. Yeah, no, I don't want to do that either. So what did you end up actually doing? I went to Palm Springs. With friends. No. Nope. Family. Fuck friends. No. Nope. Family.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Fuck you, dude. Who, Bobby? I'm sorry, my bad. I met a girl on Instagram, and she goes, I never met her before. He just made the most devastating. Even Mongo said. Mongo, that was so sad.
Starting point is 00:25:23 And I took somebody to dinner. So and you didn't feel like you were having to dance for her all weekend? It was just one night. Oh, just one night? I picked her up. We had dinner. I dropped her off and I went by and drove back. So sad. So yeah, I think you probably should have gone to Michael Bay's house. Maybe. Let me tell you this. You should have gone. I agree. To what? To the Michael Bay. Why? Because he's too busy to invite you so I would say if I was the wife in this scenario. And you are. And I'm Michael Bay. Okay. Okay. Be the wife. Go ahead. Hey, you think I can invite Bobby? Baby, do what? Baby, baby, baby. Listen to me. Do whatever you want,
Starting point is 00:26:02 baby. That's a good Michael Le. Thank you. He does baby like four or five times. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. That's really good. And then, hey, we're having dinner. We will love you. Thank you. Thank you. Thanks for finishing off the sketch.
Starting point is 00:26:17 So I just can't believe at the same time, you're kind of like simultaneously low self-esteem like me where you think you're not invited, but also incredibly high self-esteem where you can just go, okay, maybe, and then never follow up. I would've sent a barrage of text messages like, that's so nice, thanks for inviting me.
Starting point is 00:26:32 I think I have this. I didn't finish it. Lisa Gilroy, fuck, man. Okay. All right, let me finish it. So then she called me and then she goes, she called me, I go, did you call? Right, then she goes, yes, calling you from Bay's phone
Starting point is 00:26:47 now, so I guess there was a strange number that called me. So I guess she called me from the Bay's phone, right? And she goes, Jeff Ross just got here, you coming by? And I go, I'm in Palm Springs with a lady friend, and that's it. That's how you ended it? That's so crazy. I could never behave like that.
Starting point is 00:27:09 You're so confident. It's crazy. Okay, so I feel like, guys, I feel like everyone in the room is against me, and I don't like the vibe. Sorry, but- All right, so let's just, let me defend myself real quick. Lisa Gilroy. Before you do that, let me show you
Starting point is 00:27:23 what was happening at the house. I'm Michael Bay's wife. Yeah. Turkeys ready for exactly 12 people. I can't wait for all my friends to be here I hope Bobby comes Michael. Yeah he does too. I think he will because the last thing he said was okay maybe and he would have said no if he wasn't gonna come right. Wait wait wait were you doing Michael or the girl again? What were you doing? He have to say baby, baby. Say baby, baby a bunch of times. Baby, did you invite him? Yes, baby, and he said, okay, maybe,
Starting point is 00:27:50 so that probably means he's coming, or he would have said otherwise. Three babies, three babies. Baby, look, baby, you know, we need him, we need him as a dancing monkey. Baby, are you not calling me baby as much as you're calling me baby? It's because I'm directing Bad Boys six right now.
Starting point is 00:28:06 Well, you skipped, so you skipped over, wait, wait, I'm sorry. You skipped over four and five? Yeah, wait, wait, wait. Don't, don't, don't. No, I'm your friend at the party. Michael, don't you think you should do four or five until you did six?
Starting point is 00:28:18 That's Jeff Ross. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was Jeff Ross, yeah, thank you, thank you. Jeff, stick to your roast battles. That's why I wouldn't go. That kind of fucking attitude. From Michael Bay? Oh, that's true.
Starting point is 00:28:30 You're right. I'll stick to my roast battles. Jeff, did you hear that Bobby might come? Do you think he'll come? Oh, I would love it. You would love it. Okay, but Jeff, let me ask you this. We're having a bit of a debate.
Starting point is 00:28:41 We texted Bobby and he said, okay, maybe. Do you think that means he'll come or no? Definitely not, I know him. Oh, so he's unreliable? Oh no. See, that's the vibe that we're getting. Oh my God. That's the vibe that we're getting.
Starting point is 00:28:51 What if he wanted to offer you a movie? Okay, so here's, all right, so I'm gonna tell you why. I'm gonna tell you something, okay? The story just keeps it so hilarious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So. He never called. What?
Starting point is 00:29:05 This is all fake. Yeah. I don't know, Michael. Or so no. So she said the last time, like a month ago, that she's like, oh yeah, Michael wants to use you in something. Like he's thinking about you for his next thing.
Starting point is 00:29:23 So my thing is, it's like, oh, it's my- He only cast the hottest girl, so you should be honored. Yeah. So, thank you. So my thinking is, oh, I can lose it by hanging out more. Oh. You know what I mean? Why'd you do that?
Starting point is 00:29:38 Because you crush in the room. I don't know why. You're beloved. You could lose it by not going to Thanksgiving. You could lose it with- I lost it! I fucking lost it. No, I don. You could lose it with a drink. I lost it! I thought I fucking lost it.
Starting point is 00:29:46 No, I don't think so. Thank you, dude. Finally, dude. Christmas is coming, so that's... Christmas is coming. I don't know, New Year's is coming. Invite yourself over for Christmas. Melissa, what's going on with the drink?
Starting point is 00:29:58 Is this... I'm supposed to shake this? Shake it. I don't know. The first sip tastes like I should have been doing something to it. It was too harsh coffee? No, it's like, I don't know the first sip tastes like I should have been doing something to it. It was too harsh coffee? No, it's like I don't know if I'm getting... Too cream?
Starting point is 00:30:09 It's really good though. Eating vanilla? Yeah. This is the... Is this one of your sponsors? No. Should be. We just bought that for you specifically.
Starting point is 00:30:16 Oh. Yeah. That's so nice. So let's go back. So what you're saying is that you would have gone. Okay. Or at the very least I would've been like, thank you, thank you, thank you,
Starting point is 00:30:28 I'm so sorry, I'll suck your dick, I'll kill myself, I hate myself, I can't go. Like that's my vibe. Oh, I see. Like if I really can't do something, I'm very apologetic and I feel bad. Yeah, but you know, you don't think that being an enigma is fun, like better, maybe a mystery?
Starting point is 00:30:43 I'm sorry, do you think you're an enigma play some music we've never seen every part of his body you know everything you're right you're right you're right you're right you're right I am I'm a I would open with Michael Bay yeah I'm an open book is what you're saying. Yeah. Yeah. So, you know, my social anxiety has gotten the way
Starting point is 00:31:09 and I'm gonna play it differently if I get another opportunity next time. Because you could even tell her, I mean, maybe this is too, let's pull the room. Like, if you had told her I'm nervous because I don't wanna look like an ass in front of Michael, like would you ever be that vulnerable with her? Oh yeah.
Starting point is 00:31:23 And then she would be like, no he loves you, he's something, something, and then maybe you would have felt better. Well, because the first time, so, let me give you the history. Can I give you the history of Michael Bay? Exclusive. All right, so the exclusive history.
Starting point is 00:31:37 So what I do, you know what I mean, as an artist, is I take- He's gonna cry. Enigma. Yeah, enigma artist, right? And I take stories in the past and I completely exaggerate them, put them out of context,
Starting point is 00:31:54 and I relay them to the world. Okay. Right? So, in my mind, I worked with Michael in the 90s on a commercial. In your mind or in real life? In my mind. No, for real. I on a commercial. In your mind or in real life? In my mind. No, for real.
Starting point is 00:32:08 I did a commercial. What do you mean? I'm genuinely asking. Bobby, you said in my mind. I worked with you on a commercial. So I'm asking, is that fabricated or is that real? That's real. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:32:18 Max. Yeah, that's not in my mind. Well then why the fuck did you say that? Because I'm gonna tell you the part that's in my mind. Okay, okay, tell me the part that's in your mind. So something happened that wasn't really a thing and in my mind, you know what I mean? Well then why the fuck did you say that? Because I'm gonna tell you the part that's in my mind. Okay, okay, tell me the part that's in your mind. So something happened that wasn't really a thing and in my mind, you know what I mean, I perceived it in a certain way.
Starting point is 00:32:30 Oh, what happened? Where they keep, maybe kind of like said something like get on your mark or something. As directors do? Yes. Okay. You're right. Oh, are you in therapy? Yes, I am.
Starting point is 00:32:40 Good, good. I went yesterday. So what I'm saying is that, and I have, dude, which I'm gonna get into, I'm glad you said it, because I have something I have to get into with you. Are we gonna call your therapist? Think of how fun that would be.
Starting point is 00:32:50 No, no, no. She'd, no, but what was I saying? Oh yeah, so. So he said something that you perceived as maybe was like, Right, so then on Poncas, I would like tell the story that wasn't true. Oh, what did you turn it into? I turned it into like, he said, you know, he grabbed my thing. I did all this stuff, right? Which he didn't do. Yeah, you turn it into? I turned it into like, he grabbed my thing,
Starting point is 00:33:05 I did all this stuff, right? Which he didn't do. Yeah, you told us on Rogan. I said this on Rogan. For real? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which is a bad thing. But did you tell it in a way
Starting point is 00:33:13 that everyone knew you were joking? No, no, no. You're not being serious, okay. I make it seem like, because in my mind, I'm like, oh, I'm never gonna see him. In what world would I see him? On Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:33:22 But to see that now, here's what happens. So now, I go on Rogan, and then months later, I get a call from Jeff Beecher, okay? And this is a guy I do know, from the past. Okay. And am I boring you? No, I'm loving this. Give me a high five. Oh, greasy.
Starting point is 00:33:39 No, not a high five. I felt so bad. I know, so then what happened was, he goes, one night at the Comedy Star was there and he goes, yo, you at the store? I go, yeah, he goes, I'm bringing Bae. Like B-A-E.
Starting point is 00:33:55 Yeah, B-A-Y. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm bringing, no, he goes, I'm bringing Bae. No, I'm bringing the Bae. He goes, I go, I don't know the Bae. I have no idea what the fuck he's talking about. He goes, Mike, I go, I don't know'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay.
Starting point is 00:34:07 I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay.
Starting point is 00:34:14 I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay.
Starting point is 00:34:20 I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not the Bay. I'm not I go, I go, let him park. Do whatever, let him park. Okay, let him park, let him park.
Starting point is 00:34:32 He goes, he's got a bunch of people. Let them all park. Yeah, let them all park. Yeah, right. I'm about to go up and then I tell the door guy, I go, let them sit down, don't even charge them, right? I'm in a panic. Literally, the guys, I think it was Ian Edwards
Starting point is 00:34:44 about to bring me up, giving my credit, right? And I'm doing this running. Literally the guys, I think it was Ian Edwards about to bring me up, giving me my credits, right? And I'm doing this running around, right? So I'm on stage, right? Are you trying to stall so they can all park and come in and sit down? Well, I also want them to see my set if they're going to come. Yeah, so you're like filibustering off the top. What does that mean?
Starting point is 00:35:00 I know what filibur thing is. Filibur thing? Don't ever talk to me like that again, okay? I know exactly what it means to really Mongo. What does it mean? Fiddle buster. You know how to say it, but you know what it means? Yeah. Yeah. Fiddler. Okay. Fiddler and then busker. Hey, let me ask you. Yeah, I'm not done with. Okay, go ahead. Go ahead. And all this is in my mind.
Starting point is 00:35:18 Yeah. Did you get lucky that night on Thanksgiving? Yeah. I'm not sure. I'm not sure. I'm not done with, okay, go ahead. Go ahead. No, this is in my mind. Yeah. Did you get lucky that night on Thanksgiving? At least?
Starting point is 00:35:31 Listen, hold on. You went all the way over there. Where are you right now? Is there a delay? You have different processing time. It takes you five minutes to process? I was listening to your story, the comedy story. So to answer your question, comedy story, but I'm just hearing a lady.
Starting point is 00:35:45 So to answer your question, no. Oh, okay. Wow. Okay. All the way to Palm Springs. Yeah, well, you know. It's kind of crazy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:35:54 Okay, well, that's another discussion I can have with you after this, okay? Okay. I would love to have that with you. Just a tip, girls really like it when you go like you should go you should go like I drove all the way here Really have had sex with you because it's always like for us We just want to hear how far you had to drive to get to us and if it was longer than 30 minutes We're like better better fucking yeah. Yeah, it's kind of like the only secret about being a girl. Yeah, it was barely a hug So I so I based it on the hug, she gave you the okay maybe of Thanksgiving.
Starting point is 00:36:26 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So anyway, and this is also something that I've been talking to my therapist about, so when we get to that section of the fucking program, we'll get there, okay? There's a lot going on right here. Yeah, sorry. Okay, I don't wanna make this about,
Starting point is 00:36:40 I feel like I'm making this podcast about me and not you. Her analysis is great though. Yeah, that's why I heard you'm loving this podcast. I feel like I'm making this podcast about me and not you. I need to hear what happens. Her analysis is great though. Yeah, that's why I heard you were gonna analyze her. I am. Yeah, so anyway, so I'm on stage and the bae sits down with his people. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:55 And I proceed to crush. Shocker, bro. Shocker. Enigma. I shock at it so hard. Is this Shocker? That's Rocka. Oh, that's Rock Dude, I shaka'd it so hard. Is this shaka? That's raka. Oh, that's raka.
Starting point is 00:37:08 All right, this is shaka. Raka, shaka. What is shaka though? Waka. You don't know? It's just something, island or zoo. Surfboard culture. Okay, anyway, can we just, let's continue.
Starting point is 00:37:18 Okay. So, and then afterwards I, you know, so that's the only contact, and afterwards, I come to my room and go, I, you know, I, the the only contact and afterwards I come to go, I know I exactly that the first thing out of my mind was I exaggerate. When you told the Michael Bay story of when you did the commercial with him when he was there. Not on stage, but as soon as I get up, you were thinking he's
Starting point is 00:37:36 heard me tell this story and he's mad at me. Yes. That's why I think he's there to come and that's why I think he's there. To come and have fun. Yes, yeah, yeah. I know where to find Bobby. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's why I think. In my mind, I'm like, oh, this is gonna go down. So then as I reach him at the back of the room, because I said goodnight, and I stood up,
Starting point is 00:37:56 he stood up, and we met at the back of the room. Okay. Right? And immediately I go, you know, sometimes I exaggerate. You know what I mean? I don't even say hi, you know, what's that face? Oh, it's just like, it's kind of sweet. It's sad. It's cute, that you're like, oh, sorry. Yeah, yeah, yeah, and he goes, what are you talking about? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:09 He had no idea what I was talking about. That's usually how it is. Yeah, yeah. But also now he's gonna go home and Google immediately. Well, he did, he did, he did. What did Bobby Lee say about me? He did, he did. But it's all good, but that's the only interaction
Starting point is 00:38:20 I had ever been with. What was the commercial for that you shot with him? Well, it was a Pepsi commercial. Huge. With Michael Bay, we already said that. Why are you nervous? I don't know why I'm so nervous. You just got me really nervous. You know what?
Starting point is 00:38:40 Fuck this shit, dude. I'm nervous, bro. Fuck, man. I'm sweating. I'm nervous bro. Fuck man. Sweatin'. I'm not, okay. Anyway. Nobody drinks Pepsi anymore so. So true.
Starting point is 00:38:54 What the fuck dude? Is that true? Yeah, you drink Pepsi? No. No. Me either. Yeah, so I do it. You're right.
Starting point is 00:39:02 You did it for the commercial though probably. Yeah I did it for commercial. It was Kim Cattrall. Huge. yeah, and that's where I met Eric Stone Street You know that You ever see Modern Family, yeah, he's the guy that plays this heavy set. Oh, yes Oh, he's so funny so Stone Street aren't very close because we met on that commercial. This is probably 1998 right and um because we met on that commercial. This is probably 1998, right? And that was the commercial.
Starting point is 00:39:28 And was Michael Bay Michael Bay already? That's probably a really nice question. He was right there shooting, at the same time simultaneously, he was shooting a huge number movie. But because it was a Super Bowl commercial. Oh, huge. He was one of those Super Bowl.
Starting point is 00:39:40 And you got to be funny in it? What did you do? I played a towel boy with Eric. And they prefer people playing tennis? No, Kim Cotrell is in a bathtub, right, and we're giving her towels and too much, you know what I mean? Too much towels. Yeah. What is that? Sorry, I'm trying to find the commercial. You can't find it. I would love to see it. There's no way you can find it. Bobby's not in the one that's on. Well, they cut me out, right? I'm the one that I can find. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I swear to God I was in it. That's a particular, no, I'm glad you just said that. Because I-
Starting point is 00:40:09 It's not this, is it? Yeah, that's it. Oh, I love her. Yeah, and then, yeah, and they cut me out of it because I think I was, and ask Eric, I think Eric's upset this out loud, it was weird with me because I had never acted before, so it's like they really never got,
Starting point is 00:40:22 I don't think they liked me. You had never acted before? it's like they really never got I don't think they liked me You had never acted before that can't be true when 1998 So what were you doing? I was saying what were you doing on set not what were you doing with your career? I'll tell you what I was doing with my career, Lisa Gilroy. I'm not asking that. You did ask me before.
Starting point is 00:40:50 I was doing some open mics. Great. But I'm asking what did you do on the day that made it so apparent that you're not an actor? Were you like, oh, here is your... Damn, you went full... Yeah, yeah, yeah, I went full R. No, what happened was, I didn't know what a mark was. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:41:08 I didn't know how to, you know what I mean? I don't know. It's leading you back to thinking that Michael Bay hates you because he was frustrated with you because you weren't on in practice at all. Exactly, because I didn't know how to do anything is what I'm saying, okay? So, you know, I mean, obviously in the version that you see,
Starting point is 00:41:20 is Eric in it too? Oh, Eric's not in it, thank God, thank you. So anyway, but we were in it. He Oh, Eric's not in it, thank God. Thank you. So anyway, we were in it. He's an actor, so there goes your whole excuse. I mean, not excuse, but you shouldn't feel bad. Because sometimes people just get cut.
Starting point is 00:41:34 Yeah, and I'm much better now. Okay, let's try. I'm Cib Coutral, offer me a towel. Offer me a towel, in a natural way as an actor. So easy. Yeah, it's literally so easy. All right, Lisa, Lisa, give me some lines. Okay, so I'm going to be in the tub and I'm going to be like, towel boy, bring me my towel.
Starting point is 00:41:56 What's my line? Your line is, of course, madam, we have this fluffy towel or this terry cloth towel, which would you prefer? There's so much for him. This fluffy towel or this terry cloth towel, which would you? This fuck you fuck you Of course my dad of course my damn we have this fluffy towel or this terry cloth towel, which would you prefer? Okay, okay, okay. Ready, and action. Oh towel boy, bring me my towels. Of course, madam, we have this fluffy towel or this terry cloth towel, which one would you prefer? And don't ever, also don't ever question me again!
Starting point is 00:42:43 Ever! Anyway, thank you. That was pretty good. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's see, because you're lying. Again! Ever! Anyway, thank you. That was so good. Thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. Well, let's see, because you're lying. I'll give you some lines through that. Okay, sure.
Starting point is 00:42:52 All right. Columbus came without saying, but Balthasar has two coins. What's the context? I'll tell you. I'll tell you. Ready? What'd you say? What'd you say? Oh, I said Columbus came without saying but Balthazar has two coins. Oh, really had the two coins? Yeah. Oh, that's good lady. Thank you. What kind of towels did you have again? Really had the two coins? Yeah. Oh, that's good, lady, thank you. What kind of towels did you have again?
Starting point is 00:43:25 I forgot the... You can't do that! You can't do that. Yeah, and that's why we were cut. Can you do one, you think? Yeah. Oh, fuck. I can do the same one as he did.
Starting point is 00:43:37 Oh, you wanna do the towel one? Yeah. Wait, hold on. I broke this. Oh, get your hands off. What happened? EJ! I can do it without the pad.
Starting point is 00:43:48 Oh, you broke both of them at the same time? Yeah, I can do it without. It's so loud without the padding. It's also muffled. Why don't you just squeak them under there? Yeah, here we go. You got it? Okay. So let's come up with a line for Jaime.
Starting point is 00:44:04 He wants to say the towel line. Actually, you know, we have to get his mind going and we have to challenge him. Okay, you wanna be challenged? So, how about let's do this, okay? I'll write down a line and then you write down a line. He has to say both of them. Okay.
Starting point is 00:44:20 And what context? But he doesn't get to read it off our phones though. No, no, we're gonna tell him what it is. No, I'm an actor. Yeah. Why do I have to write this down? No, I'm gonna write it down on there. She's like, why am I doing this right now?
Starting point is 00:44:30 Yeah, yeah. So he's gonna get to look at it for like 10 seconds and then he has to deliver it? Yes. Okay, that's good. Like a cold read kind of. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me write it.
Starting point is 00:44:41 Can I come up with my line first? You haven't done it yet? No, no, no. I just got to the app, man. The app? One of the notes things. Hey, so that thing you said about the girl, it was like, hey, I drove an hour from here.
Starting point is 00:44:52 Yeah. Is that real? It was mostly a joke. Jesus, man. It was a joke for Bobby because I'm hoping that he'll try it. I was going to try it at home. Oh, no, you don't.
Starting point is 00:45:01 OK. I like you better. So I would say to you, the real advice is just like, be kind, be yourself you don't. Okay. I like you better. So I would say to you the real advice is just like, be kind, be yourself, be respectful. Like that's usually how you win a girl over. Okay. I don't have much money, so. That's okay.
Starting point is 00:45:15 You have a good personality. I like to think- Do you have a job? Yes. Why did you look at us? Because he has a job here. Oh, yeah, he's here. Are you trying to make sure you still have the job?
Starting point is 00:45:28 Yeah, this is just my job. You can tell your real name now. Oh yeah, my name is Jaime. It's not much. That's the first line. The first line. And then you do the second one. There's nothing fascist, right?
Starting point is 00:45:44 No, there's nothing fascist. No, there's nothing fascist, right? No, no, no, there's nothing fascist. No, there's nothing fascist. Specifically fascist. And you're going to give him a scenario? Okay, so you are leading a meeting for a secret organization. Yes. And you're the boss of the organization. Just read the line now a couple of times.
Starting point is 00:46:01 You can read it out loud. Read it out loud. A couple of times, yeah. Read it out loud. Just read the line now a couple of times and then read it out loud. Devin Ricardo. You know I can't say my D word. You can't say D words. Please, please, please, please focus man. Devin Ricardo. Just say the whole two lines and then. Devin Ricardo. Developed. Developed. Give me the phone. How about if I just give you the line
Starting point is 00:46:26 and then you memorize it through, right? So the line is, oh my God. Devin Ricardo developed a mentoring program for Pilgrims. It has a problem. It creates anti-disestablishmentary sentiments. Anti-disestablishmentary sentiments. Yeah, yeah, yeah, very good. That's big words. Yeah, say it. No, yeah, very good. That's big words.
Starting point is 00:46:45 Yeah, say it, no, no. I didn't help you before. Let me see it again. Okay, say it one more time. Do it slowly, take it easy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, one more time. Devin Ricardo developed a mentoring program. Program, see?
Starting point is 00:46:58 Oh my God, this is not good. This is how you read a book. Power through, you gotta power through. Yeah, you gotta power through, yes. Devin Ricardo developed a mentoring program for pilgrims. It has a problem. It creates anti diabetes Disestablishment anti-dis-establishment Semitin
Starting point is 00:47:15 Sentiments sentiments. Yeah. Yeah, I wrote it to be hard. I wouldn't be able to say that one more time. Say it one more time fellas and gals Improv yeah Yeah, yeah. We're loving that. The character is coming to life. We're not doing it yet because you're going to do it off book. Oh, Jesus. Why don't you go sit in another room and then come back in at the very end of the podcast
Starting point is 00:47:37 in costume and perform that line for us. Devin Ricardo developed a mentoring program for the pilgrims. It has a problem. It creates anti-Semitic sentiment. Yeah, just make it. I like that. Change it to anti-Semitic. I like anti-Semitic.
Starting point is 00:47:54 Let him say what he wants to say there, okay? Rewrite, rewrite. Yeah, yeah, it's a rewrite. It's a rewrite. You're the writer, okay? Just please. Okay, fine. If I'm the writer, I'm like, this changes the whole movie.
Starting point is 00:48:06 It does, it does, it does, it does. All right. It does, all right. So, um. That was a good shot. Yeah, yeah, so I'm gonna bring you out, right? Ladies and gentlemen. Oh, this is how it works on set.
Starting point is 00:48:19 Usually the director announces that you're about to come on. No, I thought we were doing the scene. Oh, you're part of the scene. Yeah, I'm bringing him up. I interrupt you. Because he's doing a speech, right? OK, who am I playing?
Starting point is 00:48:29 Oh, you want to play somebody? Let's do our little scene off the top. Before it. Before it. OK. Malcolm, we only have a few minutes to hear from the CEO of the company. What do you think he's going to say?
Starting point is 00:48:41 Well, I mean, Devin Ricardo. I mean, I wish you would. He's here. He's here. He's here. Do I look OK? You look great. You look great's here, he's here. He's here, he's here. Do I look okay? You look great, you look great, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:47 Are you ready, sir? Fellows and gals, Devon Ricardo, which is me, have, have, we have developed a mentoring program to help the pilgrims, which causes the anti-Semitic establishment sentiments. Oh, that was very, that was pretty great. Very good. Kevin Ricardo, that's me.
Starting point is 00:49:11 Did you see penguins? Pilgrims. Oh, your pilgrims. Wow, that was pretty good, dude. You should put that on your demo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, we would have to play maybe ADR it later. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:22 In the movie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's great dude that was so very good yeah thank you you've never been done a acting have you no yeah would you yeah if I could if I could yeah after this comes out maybe maybe do you still audition for things of course yeah on tape or you go in the room well right before I came here it was very stressful that's why I had to push this by an hour
Starting point is 00:49:45 I thought I was having lunch with the director and then when I was on the way nightmare on Elm Street I got a text saying like hey heard you're gonna be from someone else who's like in the movie that was like hey heard You're coming to the audition. I'm I'll be reading with you Oh, can you imagine and I was like I thought I was having like coffee with this director when it turned out It was an audition and so while I was driving I got the sides emailed to me and then when I showed up I just like got a chance to look at them right before it was so do you tell them what happened? Of course? I do yeah, they and but still I like I want to cry so bad
Starting point is 00:50:15 Oh my god, that's like and the rooms filled with all these other girls that have been like practicing for weeks like and I don't I've never even seen it. Oh, so that's not even your fault, that's your rep's fault. I don't know whose fault it was. It's your rep's fault. It's Will Ruhl. Yeah, I mean, I would've been livid, dude. Well, I was already on the way, that's the thing, because it was like, are you available?
Starting point is 00:50:36 You know, I'm like, yeah, obviously I was driving over there, what I thought was coffee, but anyways. Oh my. It worked out just fine. And how'd you do? I think I did okay. Yeah, yeah. And they definitely knew I was cold reading and I still made them laugh a little bit, so hopefully. Oh, good, good, good, good.
Starting point is 00:50:48 Fine. Yeah, I think that's better maybe. Have you ever had a bad audition experience? Oh my god. Don't even. I've heard the stories a million times. Everyone's like, oh, here we go. I'm just gonna tell it again.
Starting point is 00:50:56 I've just had. Use the beat himself. What? Use the beat himself after auditions. Beat? Yeah, I would take a bottle of water like this. Don't do it. I'm not gonna do it now.
Starting point is 00:51:07 And I would bash my head, right? In front of the casting crew? Bobby Lee, rep by CAA. Imagine dude, imagine, right? After I'm done, they're like, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah. No, I've had like, I've had a lot of, here's the thing, I used to get panic attacks.
Starting point is 00:51:36 What? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm listening, I did the therapist, mm. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I get a panic attack, I can't think of anything. All the words, and you know, and so I've had some really bad auditions. In fact, I prefer just sending in a tape, which I've been doing.
Starting point is 00:51:53 Yeah, I like to tape. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I try not to do it over and over again. I mean, E.J.'s helped me with a couple of these people, but it's like, I send in a tape, and then if after a tape, and they wanna call me in, then I would come in. Do you memorize when you tape?
Starting point is 00:52:07 Yeah. And how many tries do you give yourself? Well, I mean, you know, I mean, EJ knew, sometimes we've done it 20, 30 times but now I'm trying to do it or just two or three times and not be too fick with it. Precious with it, yeah, totally. Yeah. Because it's like, I think they know as soon as you open your mouth. It's true. you think yeah?
Starting point is 00:52:25 And I also think sometimes we're wasting our friends times like getting off book like are you like fucking up the lines for the first? 15 takes and then finally you have it. It's like you're almost using EJ to like memorize it with you, which is not very yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's not nice. Yeah, it's not nice But um, but if you were like truly 100% off book I bet you only need like two or three takes no, that's not true. Really? Yeah, because there are like nuances that I miss Spell it New N u a n C es. Thank you. So um, like the old last one I did was No, she didn't know I don't know was um right no she didn't know I don't know you don't know you don't know no they're like sir so it's like you know what I should have taken my time there
Starting point is 00:53:09 and listen to what they were saying and then say it with my face you like watch it back also fully between each take oh yeah oh wow I go yeah that I don't like that I mean that you know I mean I could have done that better or whatever you don't do that I only watch it back if I feel like that, I'll feel it. I'll be like, that was the one. And then I'll watch it to confirm that that was the one. But I usually know without watching it if I thought I was good or not.
Starting point is 00:53:30 Yeah, you know, I've just in the last three years, I've been healthy enough to even watch anything I'm in. You know what I mean? Like for instance, Borderlands was the first film premiere that I've ever watched with me in it. And how'd you feel? I was terrible. But I sat there and watched it.
Starting point is 00:53:53 You know, it wasn't me, it was just like, I wish they wouldn't have chosen that take. You know what I mean? I had more interesting ways of doing it, but it's like, but you know, I was still able to sit there and watch and go, okay, it is what it is. And I think the first time that I was able to watch something was Reservation Dogs.
Starting point is 00:54:14 They did a screening for it, and I remember sitting there and watching it for the first time, and actually saying to myself, and this has never happened, where I said, that was good. Nice. You know, and. So then you know it must be really good if you think it was even a little bit good. Cause you're so hard on yourself.
Starting point is 00:54:33 Hey. No, no. You okay? Yeah, yeah. No, I'm just thinking about what you just said. Cause you know if you're so hard on yourself, that if you thought like, hey, I think I did okay at that. It means you probably did really good at that.
Starting point is 00:54:43 Yeah, I think so, yeah. I think so. I was. How do you feel like you're doing right now. I think this podcast is amazing Okay, and I think it's it's been great. How about you? I think it's going okay. How are you feeling? What that's just okay? Um, yeah, I think it's going great It's fucking great Tee K kettle scream to the sky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really good, you know?
Starting point is 00:55:09 Jaime, have you taken an acting class? No. Oh. So angry. Why are you so angry? No, I'm just saying, no I haven't. I've just been doing this, living life, shah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:20 Anyways. So when you say shah, are you like about to say shaka, but you don't get there Is that how it is? Like sha I never know it's like an unfinished thought. Yeah Yeah, but is your hair like your eyes natural? Are my eyes real? I Can't see a damn thing. Yeah, really? Um, do you have a glass of okay Okay, guys, these are my eyes.
Starting point is 00:55:45 Is it natural eye color? Yeah. Nice. What? Why would you ask that? Because people, I mean, people put contacts. Yeah, yeah. No, those are her eyes. Yeah. There they are.
Starting point is 00:55:56 Yeah, yeah. Blue. I did get Lasik though. The surgery. Oh, did you really? Yeah. Did it burn? Well, yeah, they put in numbing drops afterwards, but the nurse put it in my eye,
Starting point is 00:56:08 but I felt it fall on my cheek. And I said, I think you missed my eye there, Toots. I call all nurses. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she was like, no, it went in. I was like, no. And then later on the drive home, I was really feeling it on one side of my face.
Starting point is 00:56:20 It felt like my whole side of my face felt like I got beat with a baseball bat. Oh my God. So bad. But then did it work ultimately? Oh yeah. It felt like my whole side of my face felt like I got beat with a baseball bat. Oh my god But then did you did it work ultimately? Oh, yeah, please. Yeah So before you were wearing glasses and contacts and now you know the time. Yeah, now you don't now I don't why I have glasses for driving but why I wear glasses since like fourth grade Wow That must have been um Great. I'm a relieving like relief. Oh, definitely. Yeah. You don't have glasses or do you?
Starting point is 00:56:45 I need them. Right, don't I need them? Because the clothes, because now- There's no one over there. I know. Just talking. Yeah. Fully blind.
Starting point is 00:56:53 Yeah, yeah. When we do ads, it's got every week, it gets, it has to be closer and bigger. Oh. I can't really see. Would you get, would you get surgery or are you scared of that? Yeah, I think I'm fine until like
Starting point is 00:57:04 something detrimental happens. Well, you might want to stay away from Final Destination. What? The movie? The movie will kill you. The movie will make you feel basic. Do they do that in that? What happens in it? It was one girl.
Starting point is 00:57:19 Yeah. Relating to you. A girl? I understand. A understand. Like me. My bad. Oh my God. My bad. I didn't like that.
Starting point is 00:57:29 You can't get canceled for that. I can't. No. Okay. So don't point. Please don't do that. Okay. A girl.
Starting point is 00:57:37 My God. Do you know what we'd love for you to pitch a movie? I pitched the movie already. You never took it. I never took it. I never took it. I never took it. I never took it. I never took it. I never pitch a movie I pitched the movie already you never took it
Starting point is 00:57:51 Or pitch us the movie me wait. I want to hear what happens So in fact, I don't know which final destination you seen this five It's five five and like she's getting lazy and like her eyes are like are stuck Her women your eyes are stuck like well, I don't know how they do it. You know what I'm talking about? She turns Chinese? No, she doesn't. So she's like in like the kind of
Starting point is 00:58:10 clockwork orange brace of it all. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then like the lasers go straight through her eye. That was a great reference by the way. Clockwork orange. Yeah. But how, but that's interesting. So the laser is supposed to go into your eye,
Starting point is 00:58:22 but that one just goes straight through her brain. The doctor left. Oh, there we go Eww! Was it like that? Was it like that? Yeah, it is like that They open your eye like that?
Starting point is 00:58:30 Yeah They open your eye like that Fuck, that is so gnarly That's so gnarly Is that Liv Tyler? And they did that to her? That's crazy because my eye was numb when I had that Okay Maybe they numbed hers for this but
Starting point is 00:58:41 Maybe we shouldn't watch this whole thing Yeah, I don't want to watch the whole thing Yeah, yeah Well, so it basically burns Why? Why? Why?, I don't want to watch the whole thing Yeah, basically burns. Why why why doesn't want to watch it? Yeah, okay And so do you feel the laser doctor left or what? She's just alone in there. Oh my god. Oh my god You might not want to get a lasik now so Hey! Hey! Hey! Whoa! Hey! Hey! You might not wanna get LASIK now, so. Think about that scene, what are you doing?
Starting point is 00:59:09 Oh, thank you. Wow, that was scary. If I ever get LASIK, I'll think about that scene, my friend. But it is like that, but I mean, here's the thing, my eyeballs were so numb that at one point, the doctor took like one of those blue, you know, kind of like medical rags that they use, and he wiped my eye and I could see him wiping my eye.
Starting point is 00:59:26 But I couldn't close my eye and I couldn't feel it. Wow. I was like wiping off like. I mean your instinct probably wasn't wanting to blink. Oh yeah, you just can't. You just can't. Wow, wow, wow. And how long are you in there for?
Starting point is 00:59:38 It only takes like eight minutes. And then afterwards you can see already. It's blurry but you can see better than you could see before, it's like looking through Vaseline but you can tell your vision is better, it's crazy. Yeah, okay. We're movie execs and you're gonna pitch us a final destination movie.
Starting point is 00:59:55 Oh, sweet. Okay, go ahead. I've seen all of them. Hi, so my name is Bob Hosko. And my name is Marjorie Crimblon. How's it going guys? Wait, was your person real? No.
Starting point is 01:00:07 Is my name? Our company is called Crimblon and Costco. Is that the production company? Yes, so anyway, we've heard you're a really great... And Walt Disney is our dad. Yeah. But we're doing something different and we're twins. Something different.
Starting point is 01:00:21 And we started a new kind of production company and we want it to be nasty movies because our dad made so many movies. And we hate our dad. We hate our dad so much. We're the ones that froze him. Yeah, we froze him. When he died, we froze him immediately. And we snuck in and we're gonna unplug him so he gets room temperature and gets wrecked.
Starting point is 01:00:36 He gets so wrecked. Can I get to my movie pitch? Sure, of course. Sorry, my bad. I'm here. Sorry, my brother talks too much. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:44 Well, I'm here. How you guys doing? We're doing great. Thank you so much. Why are you holding that hat? It's a notebook. Oh, I didn't know. No cards. Oh, I see.
Starting point is 01:00:52 I didn't. My name is Jaime. Yeah. Okay. Hello. I want to pitch a Final Destination movie to you guys. Okay. That's interesting because Final Destination is already kind of a franchise.
Starting point is 01:01:04 I don't know if we have the rights. Yeah, we don't have the rights, but let's see what we can do. We'll hear you out. We'll hear you out and see what we can do. This will be the final destination. Yeah. And so how many- The final, final destination.
Starting point is 01:01:13 The final, final. Oh, so it goes out the whole movie. Yeah. The final. The final. And what if we screen it in a place like Oahu where people have to travel to. So it would be the last movie would be the final, final destination, destination. Wow. That's a really good idea Wow, that's just marketing
Starting point is 01:01:27 So I'm kind of the marketing was my brother my baby brother. He does like yeah props props Some lighting and I also I'm very good at like Telling the set directors what not to do. Yeah, he's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, so you guys go. Okay you a bunch of nipple babies Excuse me, sir nipple babies nipple babies. Wait, excuse me? We're not nipple babies. We're not nipple babies. We weren't breastfed at all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:50 I meant nipple, nipple, nippledism. Well, our dad's dead, so. Yeah. But still, nipple. Exactly. Not, no, not, can't be nipple if your dad's dead. No, because when he died, we didn't go immediately into show business. She was in the army.
Starting point is 01:02:02 And he left us nothing. Nothing. Oh, okay, never mind then. Well nothing nothing. Oh, yeah. Okay. Never mind it Well, okay, so a guy salt Who'd you know? I mean just real quick. You don't know salt the people that you know, you're pitching to Well, I'll tell you how it is, you know, okay. Sorry. I kind of like the attitude. Yeah I kind of like a rebellious just yeah, give my movie green go We don't even have the rights to Final Fantasy and we're gonna do a movie and it's like we're rebellious to we free green goes to give a year
Starting point is 01:02:30 So there's a couple a guy and a girl sure They had a roll we like that we love the head. Oh, yeah, we're not there yet We they going into a mall Right. Oh, it's a it strip mall or an indoor mall? Great question, my baby brother asked that. No, it's the mall, the biggest mall in America. Oh, it's in Minnesota then. Awesome.
Starting point is 01:02:52 Amazing. And we have tax right off there. Oh, we love that. Yeah, we love that. That's why I picked it. That's why I picked the location. Sorry, can I talk to you alone for a second? Jesus, yes.
Starting point is 01:03:03 What's up? This little guy is so cute. He's so awesome. He just has like a fun energy about him. He should star in the movie. I think. Without even... That's what I'm thinking. I'm right here guys. I can listen to you. Oh, he has great hearing. I just want to tell you. So a couple walks into the mall. It's an ordinary day in Minnesota. Sure. Just an average ordinary day. Oh, and an average, it's the same thing, meaning, doesn't matter. And the couple, they walk in, and they go into a Victoria's Secret. Ooh, love that. Sexy.
Starting point is 01:03:36 Sex sells. And it's a big sale on the Victoria's Secret. Yeah. There's a sale? Yeah, there's a sale. There's a sale. Okay. For the ladies. Sometimes, yeah, they do panties, like $5 a pair, or 25 for five a sale. Yeah For the ladies. Yeah, they do panties like five dollar a pair or 25 for five. Whatever
Starting point is 01:03:48 Yeah, did you say there was a big sale for the ladies? Well, who else shops there? Dude, you're thinking ahead. Yeah, okay. Okay, and then and then like if you ever seen the final destination movies destination movies, you know something Traumatic event happens. So in Victoria's Secret, they have one of those inflatables. Oh, like at the car sales. Like outside. That's one thing Victoria's Secret has been missing.
Starting point is 01:04:15 Exactly. I mean, you've, that's true. I mean, we would love to see like, you know what I mean, laundry on one of them. You know what I mean? And there's also not gender specific these things these what are these tubes gendered those inflatable what are they? Tits on the tube for okay sure sure I'm sure we can do
Starting point is 01:04:32 that so go ahead and then that's what causes the event what's the event sorry what event well the guy has vision of what's gonna happen in the store is gonna blow up from the infl, wacky inflatable tube? How does it, so is it filled with like a gas that's flammable or something? I'm trying to help you here. I haven't written it out yet, but. Oh, you haven't thought it through?
Starting point is 01:04:56 I didn't mean to. Amazing. This is, I'm sorry, this is the whole movie? No, no, no, it's the beginning of the movie. It's the beginning of the movie. Oh, it's the beginning of the movie. And like five or six people survive. He gets them out.
Starting point is 01:05:07 Five or six. Five or six, depending on how many couples there is. And that's not written down yet? No. What's on the note cards? Yeah, what's on the... Oh, power move. Power move.
Starting point is 01:05:19 Oh, wow. Improv. Yeah, you know what? You improvised that whole pitch to us. That's amazing. That was amazing. That's incredible. Well, thank you. Yeah, you know what? You improvised that whole pitch to us. That's amazing. That was amazing. That's incredible. It is the- Well, thank you.
Starting point is 01:05:27 Yeah, we loved it. Right. I think we're gonna give it a green go. Yeah, let's green light it now. We won't even have to call your agents. Sweet. And we would love you to be the star. We would love you.
Starting point is 01:05:35 Yeah, we would love you to be the inflatable thing. Now, we just have one last question for you. Yeah, go ahead. Who would you like to cast as your girlfriend? Ooh, at this point, have you guys ever heard of Lisa Geroi? Ooh. Ooh.
Starting point is 01:05:47 He's blowing up right now. Wasn't she that girl that died in that horror movie? Yeah. Something, something invited over to Michael Bay's house for things he said, you know, and was killed? Yeah, she was killed at a poker party. There's a security officer, I want him to be Bobby Lee. Can we get Bobby?
Starting point is 01:06:02 Oh, Bobby, he's great. I've never heard of him. No, you saw him in that Pepsi commercial. Oh, that's right. He was so good in that. That's right. And the one and only Michael Bayes in Directed. Wow.
Starting point is 01:06:11 Okay, so. Okay, so good. Thanks for having me. You know what? Let's start tomorrow. We're gonna fly tonight. Minnesota, we can do it. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:20 We'll start tomorrow. Start tomorrow. Principal shooting tomorrow. Sweet. Okay, good. We'll see you there. I'll write up a script. Okay, tonight you will. Yes. Oh wow, he's fast.
Starting point is 01:06:27 Yeah, he is fast. I loved that. Pretty good dude, pretty good dude. Good pitch. Pretty good pitch. Shocker guys, thank you. Okay. Lisa, how long you been married?
Starting point is 01:06:41 Long time. You married? Yeah. Yeah. I had a friend for you but. I had a friend for you, but. Yeah, no. You had a friend for me? Really?
Starting point is 01:06:49 Well, describe the friend. Aw. Who was the friend? From Texas. I have a friend in Texas. I'm from Texas. So I'd have to go there to meet him? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:06:57 Yeah, he was pretty tall. He's tall. What does he do for a living? He's not a comedian. Yeah, what does he do for a living? It sounds like you're setting up to catfish me. No, I'm not. He's my friend.
Starting point is 01:07:08 He's my friend. You can talk to him on MySpace. No, I have a friend. He manages an apartment complex. Wow. That sounds really hot. It's moving on up, huh? And he's tall.
Starting point is 01:07:19 Is he as tall as the apartment complex? Not quite yet. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's white. I don't know if you like white. Oh, I love white guys. She loves the white part. Oh. He loves whites.
Starting point is 01:07:29 He loves whites. She loves whites. He's white. So how did you meet your husband? I've known him for a long time, like since we were kids. Wow. Yeah. Childhood.
Starting point is 01:07:39 Childhood. Friend. You were friends with him in high school. Yeah. Same age? Yeah. Wow. But there was no attraction then? Oh, there was attraction. All right. But he had a girlfriend that went to a different school.
Starting point is 01:07:47 Oh, I see. So you had a crush. It was like that. Wow. Yeah. And then how did you rekindle it? Well, we never unkindled it. Ooh.
Starting point is 01:07:56 Yeah. It's been kindled, honey. And now you guys are out here, dog. Now we're out here living the dream. Living the dream. You ever been married? No, man. Oh, can I tell, okay, so before we go,
Starting point is 01:08:07 I wanna tell you about what my therapist and I talked about yesterday. Oh, I'd love to hear. And I wrote it down, no, I took a screenshot of it. And so this is it. It's about boundaries. Ooh. Yeah. Yeah, let's talk about boundaries here. And so my esteem, performance-based.
Starting point is 01:08:29 So here's the thing, and this is not for comedy, let's talk serious for a second, okay? Okay. Yeah, yeah. Why is he screaming at us? But my happiness is based on, oh, did I get the job? Or, you know what I mean, how many people came to the show?
Starting point is 01:08:49 Or, you know what I mean? And this and that, and it's all dictated on that. And I have to find a balance in that. Yeah. Is your esteem based on performance? I relate to that. Yeah. So have there been pockets in your career
Starting point is 01:09:03 where things weren't happening? Yeah, definitely. And then you't happening? Yeah, definitely. And then you feel depressed? Yeah, of course. You shouldn't do that. Well, you should either. T'che. Thank you.
Starting point is 01:09:14 And then this is other based esteem. This is an email from your therapist? Or she sent you like a 17 magazine quiz? So I went to therapy yesterday. Oh, she uses a whiteboard on your ass. Holy shit, things are dire over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And she goes, and I go, can I screenshot that?
Starting point is 01:09:30 And she's been doing that with me lately. She stands up in front of a whiteboard. This is the first time she's ever done it. And starts writing diagrams. It was literally. This is your brain. This is literally the first time. I was so shocked, because I've been with her for years.
Starting point is 01:09:42 But I sat down, she goes, I had to write this stuff down so that we can really get into it. Wow, good, smart. And then because I'm on an ozempic because of the fact that a girl told me that I was fat. That's not very nice. And I do things based on, you know what I mean? And I should-
Starting point is 01:09:59 And I only said it one time and I'm sorry. You're fat. Yeah, but I do things based on people's, you know what I mean? Yeah. And I don't set boundaries and I, you know, and I should have said, I should have cut that person off. Anybody that says that I'm, you know what I mean, ugly or fat, right? Yeah, that's not a friend. I should not put, yeah, and I, and I, I let people walk all over me. So how are you gonna change it?
Starting point is 01:10:27 Because teach me. So what I've been doing lately is, and I'll give you an example of what I've done, is there was a girl that I met at the Irvine Improv. Cool. Thank you. All right. And then, you know, she said that, you know,
Starting point is 01:10:44 I'm gonna try to do this and that, and then, you know, she said that, you know, I'm attracted to you, this and that. And then, you know, I got her number, she came to the show, and then I would text her, like, you want dinner? And she would like, kind of blow me off, which is fine. But then last week, or two weeks ago, I go, hey, you want to have dinner? And she goes, well, I'll only go to dinner with you
Starting point is 01:11:00 if you set me up with so-and-so, which is like a guy that I was on a show with. What are you shaking your head for? That's messed up. That's so mean, yeah, that's rude. Right? So then I went, and this is what my therapist says, I made the wrong move,
Starting point is 01:11:11 which I thought I was setting it down a boundary. So I go- You were like, you wanna go baby? No, no, no, what I did was I gave that guy her number. That's fine. Right. I mean, good riddance to her. And then I texted her and I said, I gave me your number, but don't ever text me or call me again. I have to say, it's nice that you even gave the number.
Starting point is 01:11:32 I feel like a lot of people would say that but not do it. Yeah, I also didn't want to be petty about it. You know, so I was like, you know what, get the number. And then I just said, don't ever text me again. And you know what I mean? And that woman that said that I was like, you know, not attractive, I cut her off too. So I think I'm doing it, you know what I mean? But it's like, I have to, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:11:52 Yeah. You know, I have to set these boundaries down because I just let people walk all over me. Yeah. I'm proud of you. And here's another thing I wanted to say is, um, and something that came up, I have all these requirements. You know, I do the same thing that women do to me. You know what I mean? In terms of like, Oh, she has to be like this, this and this. And it's like, I,
Starting point is 01:12:21 I know plenty of women or people, I don't know if I should be talking about something. It's up to you. Just don't name names. No, no, what I'm saying is that, I know some women that are just good people, right? They help homeless or they're like, they go out of their way for their neighbor or whatnot. And because she's not hot enough or whatever,
Starting point is 01:12:43 I'm like, nah, right? But it's like, no, because I deserve to be with somebody, a good person, you know what I mean? But why isn't that a part of my checklist? You know what I mean? There's all these exterior things that I'm looking for, right, because it's like, you know, I wanna use them as like, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:13:03 Here's what it, here's what, here's what. No, I'm ready. So you're looking for a girl with burps ready, short legs. I was bullied as a kid. Small teeth, big eyes, pierced belly button, denim jean cutoffs, I get it. Yeah, yeah, so as a kid, you're like,
Starting point is 01:13:20 you know, kids would bully me like, you're never gonna get married, you're short, this and that, so in in show business I've like here's my hot girlfriend right and as like you know me of like look what I did Right, but I don't that those these aren't people that I you mean are gonna have a lifelong You know I mean relationship with right I use it as like you know me You know me like as if like I bought a brand new car right right But it's not something that you wanna like hang out
Starting point is 01:13:45 and watch TV with all Saturday. Exactly. And that's when a relationship really begins. And that's what I want and that's what I deserve. And so that's what, so I'm doing this work so that I can get there, you know. That's very wonderful work. I mean, I don't know why you guys are clapping!
Starting point is 01:14:00 Well, I feel like there's a lot of- Being vulnerable on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's probably a lot of men who have not arrived at this conclusion that you have come to, and it is admirable. Yeah, it's like there's a lot of... Being vulnerable on a podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's probably a lot of men who have not arrived at this conclusion that you have come to, and it is admirable. Yeah, it's like even the car, the Hyundai out there. It sounds like a commercial.
Starting point is 01:14:13 Yeah, yeah, I love the Hyundai. Why do you love it? Because they gave it to me. Oh, okay. That car they gave it to me. Who's they? Hyundai did. I don't know what the attachment was.
Starting point is 01:14:24 They're like, hey, can you just drive our car around for six months? I'm like, okay. That's nice. Yeah, so I'm gonna drive, like Hyundai, that's a? Hyundai. I don't know what the attachment was. They're like, hey, can you just drive our car around for six months? OK. That's nice. Hyundai, that's a great car. I think that was the requirement right there. But no, because I know friends. My best friend has a Mercedes, and they have all these fancy things. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 01:14:40 That's like, I'll drive a Hyundai. OK. Women are not cars. I know. Exactly. They're not hot cars, everybody. Not all women are cars. Not all women are not cars. I know exactly, they're not hot cars. Not all women are cars. Not all women are cars everybody, yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyone think you wanna plug?
Starting point is 01:14:52 What a transition. I guess Interior Chinatown on Hulu. It's very good, you're very good. Listen, it's a fun show. I love Jimmy and Ronnie, they're like my brothers. Taika's great. They're very good. Listen, it's a fun show. I love Jimmy and Ronnie. They're like my brothers. Tyka's great. They're so funny. And Lisa Gilroy is an amazing talent.
Starting point is 01:15:10 And check out, Hulu's a great company. Hulu's a great company. Thanks for saying that. Yeah, yeah, because I just did the Hularity New York because I'm doing a special for them. Oh, nice. And I just went out there and I love that company. So support the company.
Starting point is 01:15:22 Support the company. Support. And by the way, we have an announcement from the CEO of Hulu. Uh oh. Oh. Do you remember your line? Say the line.
Starting point is 01:15:31 Say the line, very best, very best. Hey, my name is Devin Ricardo. Right? Go, go, go. Line. Okay, hey, what's up, I'm Devin Ricardo. And we have a special program with the Pyrograms that will help them with the anti-semitic establishment
Starting point is 01:15:52 of a sentiment. Right on. Yeah, that wasn't that bad. That was actually absolutely incredible. That was really good. What kind of towels do you want? The fluffy one or the, I don't know. Harry Klopp. Harry Klopp. Fuck, man. Fuck, I fluffy one or the... I don't know.
Starting point is 01:16:05 Harry Klopp. Harry Klopp. Fuck, man. Fuck, I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that. Harry Klopp. Oh my God, I'm a failure, dude. I don't remember any of my lines. You don't remember your lines, yeah. Do you remember my line? No.
Starting point is 01:16:16 Oh, yeah. I don't. It's the two coin thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Balthazar? Balthazar. Balthazar and the two coins. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lisa, if you ever want to plug anything or
Starting point is 01:16:25 you ever want to come back, please come back. I would love to. This was so fun. And then, you know, next time Kali will be here too, you know what I mean? And let's bring your therapist on. Yeah, yeah. Well, you think I needed it, huh? No, I just think it would be fun to meet her. It seems like you guys are doing really fun work on the whiteboard. I like that. I've never seen a therapist on the whiteboard. Well, she cares about me. I know. And I want to do the work. You know I mean I'm trying to do the work and put set some boundaries down guys. Okay so um give Lisa Gilroy a round of applause everybody! I'm so happy that I'm with you I'm so happy that I'm with you I'm so happy that I'm with you I'm so happy that I'm with you
Starting point is 01:17:09 I'm so happy that I'm with you I'm so happy that I'm with you

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