TigerBelly - Meghan Trainor and The Blood Clot
Episode Date: May 17, 2023Bobby wants TNT, Meghan sees the Ring Girl, Ryan has no upper lip. We chat family dinner tickets, vaginismus, 19 tissues, Tim Dillion's party, Drake AI, and 1985 Jet Li. TigerBelly Live Tickets Meghan...'s New Book Ryan's Twitch Stream Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
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Hey everybody, Tiger Billy's going live.
We did one show a year ago in LA.
It was the most successful thing we've ever done.
The show is so fun and we're coming to a city near you.
You guys will be at the Windspeer Opera House,
August 25th, ACL, live at the Moody Theater, August 26th
and the Moore Theater in Seattle, Washington, August 31st.
You guys, this is such an interactive, fun,
big energy show, you can't miss it.
We'd love to see you there.
Go buy tickets now.
You're about life.
Yeah, it's just hard work, hours and hours of persistence
and pain. You fail, you fail, you fail, you fail, you fail.
Are we rolling that? Beat that boss.
We are rolling.
You just feel, it's like...
Can we just, I don't care.
We have to finish this conversation.
Okay, go ahead.
Congratulations on the new baby though.
But, Elden Ring.
But let's talk like an Elden Ring.
Go ahead, so what? Tell me.
The way, like, the reason why it's the best game in the world
is because it takes hours to beat these bosses.
I know!
And you're just failing over and over.
Are you even not a single boss?
Yeah, I've killed eight of them.
Well, that means 10 of them.
But there's a second one with the cat.
He's like a jumping cat.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Statue.
And it's just one of them?
No, but then he has those little green guys with the,
you know what I mean?
Those little fuckers, fuckers, man.
Those little green fuckers, dude.
It's a nightmare, buddy.
It's a nightmare. The game's a nightmare.
You figured out each time you die, you learn a lesson.
It's like life. Every time you fall down,
you learn something new.
I love the fucking...
And then I learned how to summon too.
I summon the headless dude.
Yeah, that's a game changer.
When you get those spells and you summon people to help you.
I need help, man. I need the headless dude.
Summon me.
Yeah, it's great, but it's a fascinating, it's beautiful.
It's magical.
And it's Skyrim on steroids.
And y'all are both single?
You know what?
I'm tired of hot chicks, shaming nerds, I guess.
That is game, dude.
Oh, wait, let me get to that.
I did get him a gift.
Do you mind?
Will you grab it for me?
He's in your car.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sorry.
Wait, I thought you were happily with...
Myself?
A beautiful woman.
No.
On his Instagram?
Yeah, why did I think that?
Because he did a hard launch and he didn't know he did.
He posted...
We had to teach him what he's doing.
He posted pics with this girl in Australia.
You hard launched a girl.
And I got texts from like five people
that are like, who is his girlfriend?
And I was like...
I met a very nice woman in Australia.
We were having a good time.
We were having a great time.
We had a hard launch.
Did you make love?
Yes.
Oh, actually, by the way, when I do make love now,
since Tim Dillon's Christmas party,
and you were like...
Dr. Kobayashi, your patient is...
Wow!
JJ!
I didn't bring my husband,
but I brought my other brothers.
I didn't know you were coming too, JJ.
You're the number one fan.
We didn't ask you for permission.
Dr. Kobayashi.
Dr. Kobayashi.
We have an extra seat.
Where's the seat?
We don't have seats.
Well, we don't have to swap out.
We only have two minds.
Yeah, we'll do it.
We'll tag Team J-Train in.
Just sit there and when it's your turn...
J-Train.
Your number one fan is here.
J-Train.
Were you sick the last time?
No.
We asked for permission for him to come
and we were so embarrassed that we were asking
for so many bodies to be here,
and then he bails last minute.
Oh, that's right.
You know what you're gonna make me look like?
An asshole.
And then...
We need him on the mic, though.
What about George's mic?
Hey, Mike.
He's okay.
We'll tap in.
We'll tap in.
I told him right.
They'll tap in.
They'll tap in.
Hey, man.
He's just a big fan of the...
No, I can't talk.
Happy to have you.
Hey, man.
Things...
I love it.
Surprise!
I love it.
I'm so glad he's here.
JJ, your hand again.
All right.
So I wasn't wrong.
It was an Instagram post about a girl.
It wasn't an Instagram post.
It's just like a story.
We went to Harry Styles.
I don't understand.
She went number one.
Oh, fancy.
Super hot chick.
So hot.
George, what am I gonna hide her?
And the post was very like,
I'm taking a picture of this woman from afar,
from a distance.
Like, there was a feeling...
Did I take the pic?
Mike, you instigate all this.
Am I a part of this?
I feel like dad took it.
No, my father took it.
Classic dad.
He's like, look at my son, you know?
Play his video game all day.
This is what happens when I date someone, right?
It kind of looks immediately like a hard launch
because you're with the family right away.
You're with J-Train and Megan, mom, dad.
Hey, that's not a Harry Styles show.
It's a lot.
But that's just, I don't know.
You date him, you date us.
I think that's a really good rule to live by.
Like, I don't keep people I'm dating
from my family for too long.
I think you would, two weeks?
Yeah, a couple weeks.
Yeah, a couple weeks.
It was a beautiful engagement.
I remember it was a bonding.
I love, I mean, real.
Where did we go?
I don't remember.
I literally don't remember, but I remember meeting them.
Do I not know them?
You do.
Do I not know your family?
You do.
Well, we met at one point.
Well, we met somewhere.
Somewhere, right?
J-Train, what's up?
Give me your hand.
Oh, support guy.
I brought my husband, who was my boyfriend,
but not even.
It was like day four of knowing him.
Interesting.
To the family Fourth of July party.
I miss that party.
But that's what it is.
It's trial by fire.
Yeah.
I'm not going to waste any time.
Yeah.
If you don't like them, you're out.
Agreed, 100%.
Well, you guys are a close knit family.
Can I say that?
Yeah.
Right?
So you got it.
You know what I mean?
If like, if you were dating a girl, right?
And Megan didn't like her, right?
Your family didn't like her.
She's out.
She's out, right?
Yeah.
There's no way.
There's a lot of factors.
There's her or what's around her, her friends, family.
Oh, so if you did a girl,
but her brother was a meth addict,
is, are you day out?
Yeah, what's your stance on that?
Yeah, well, yeah, yeah.
Is there a redemption involved or no?
Is there a redemption?
What if he's a good guy,
just like has a little meth problem?
Yeah, but what if he's like stealing your furniture
and recreating other furniture?
We're selling tickets.
What if he's a super good artist?
We're selling tickets to come to our family dinners.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
Selling tickets to your family dinner.
Yeah, that happens.
What?
Not to me, to another celebrity I know.
Wait, explain that concept.
I don't want to say who,
but someone was like a cousin of the famous person was like,
yo, I'm selling, like,
you can buy a ticket to Thanksgiving.
Like a seat at the table.
Let's say like a ticket to...
Like, or someone, anyone.
Oh, did I guess that right?
No, cut it out.
Cut it out!
Did I really guess that right?
Bleep it, and yes, you get...
Bleep it!
No, are you fucking, I just guessed that.
I swear to God.
I was like, is it online?
I swear to God, well, we'll bleep all this out.
I don't know what's going on.
Just bleep the name, just bleep the name.
No, what happened?
Yeah, you guessed it.
We'll cut it out, we'll cut it out,
but just tell me what happened.
I was like, cut it out, I promise we'll...
You're not a cousin that sold a ticket to Thanksgiving.
Yeah.
Like a seat...
Like a plus one.
Stop saying the name!
Dude, love...
Party.
It's family, yeah.
They're family things.
And how much do they charge?
I don't know, but they're...
That person's out.
I feel like Bobby would buy that.
Yeah, yeah, I'd buy it.
What is Bobby Lee here?
Well, I invited Bobby to our family Easter,
but you were on the tour, you're on tour,
a bad friend's tour.
No, you're on the tour.
No, we went to Cia's Easter party.
Yeah, we went to Cia's Easter party.
I was invited to that.
Yeah.
You can stop by.
You can stop at ours first, then go to Cia's.
Ours is very...
We didn't do anything, we just ate pizza.
I didn't even know about yours, I...
Foxia.
I tested you.
Let's bleep that out?
Yeah, I mean, I would have gone to yours.
Why?
I didn't send like a cool invite, it was like...
No, I love Cia by the way.
We're making pizza.
Cia's the best, by the way.
She's the best.
I understand that, I get that, I get that.
You're both amazing.
Thank you.
I mean, if you did it a girl, and she told you,
you know, I stole one of your sister's hairs.
Because my...
Dude, I don't call the police.
Yeah, that's...
It's hair?
Yeah, that's fucking terrible.
It's hair?
Yeah.
That's insane.
You shaking my hair and selling it?
No, no, no, he's not selling it.
Why did she want the hair?
Because what?
Because her uncle owns, in Korea,
her uncle's Korean.
Her uncle's Korean?
Yeah, but she's white.
Okay.
We don't know how it works.
To clone, there's already mapping of her DNA.
And you know, when we do human, we want to clone.
I want to clone me.
Would you break up with her?
Okay, no, actually, I'm into that idea
because she works too hard.
So if she could have a clone,
that would actually be very beneficial to all of us.
Yeah, but not behind my back.
Just tell me about it.
Like, I'd be like, hey, hey, hey, hey,
we're gonna make a secret clone.
Just giving you a heads up.
Yeah, I'd be like, tie, tie, tie.
What if they did this?
She goes, what I did was, your sister was passed out,
and we made a mold of her vagina,
and we're gonna make vaginal, like, pocket buses.
At which point?
At pocket buses.
Would you be mad?
I don't know.
I'd be horrified.
I'd be horrified.
I know their brothers are here, so that's it.
JJ, JJ, JJ, JJ.
Brother, brother, JJ's never gonna happen.
I was shaking his hand.
JJ's never gonna happen.
Why are you shaking his hand?
JJ's never gonna happen.
I don't agree.
He doesn't agree.
He don't agree.
Funny story, funny story about Megan's vagina
is it's all over the internet.
It's all over the internet right now.
Megan's little vagina and they're a big mass of cock.
That's the news of the week.
You didn't have to say the C word.
Oh, sorry.
Oh man, it's peepies everywhere, all over.
It's like national news.
Why?
Wow, how'd it happen?
Because I talk about a lot how my hole is so small
and how sexy it's painful with him.
It's not funny, dude.
It's not fucking funny.
Dude, it's not fucking funny.
What are you laughing at, you rude fucker?
This is the way she said, my holy shit.
She got all British.
Oh, so that's a good, but Megan, it's a good thing.
What if it's too big?
What if it's too big?
That's weird.
I thought it was like a good thing,
but it's like pain for me.
And I finally asked a gynecologist about it
and she was like, oh, it's like a real thing
called vaginismus or something.
Good album.
Great album.
So now I got to like go to a PT
and I got to go to a therapist
and like figure out what's wrong with my small broken puss.
And that's like everywhere.
I got a C-section.
So I thought, I was like, I'm gonna push this baby out.
I'm gonna be looser.
No.
Do you think if the baby came out of your very tight vagina
that the baby would be skinnier?
It'd be looking fucked up, probably.
Yeah, the cone.
That's just like a long time.
Because Riley came out stunning
because he wasn't squished at all.
Right.
Yeah, my mom was loose, so I got no tightness.
Really?
Yeah, I just popped out.
You're skinny, bro.
You're like a little petite boy.
Yeah, I don't know what it is.
You're skinny.
Are you on a zempik?
No, I've been on the road.
You don't eat that much.
What do you mean?
We get so fat on the road.
Yeah, but there's some towns you have to admit though,
they don't have good food.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That's true.
That's true.
They don't.
They ate it.
No, Meg, Meg, Meg, Meg.
Can I call you Meg?
No.
No.
People can hate you.
You actually can't do that.
And you will not.
Right, right, right.
Can I call her Meg?
You call me Meg.
They were like, who the fuck in the house, Meg?
Family guy ruined it.
Meg, but there are some towns where everything shuts down.
Like, you do a show.
Oh, and it shuts down.
And they're like, there's nothing open.
But the hotels.
We're nowhere on a tour bus.
Oh, oh, you're on the bus.
Yeah, yeah, so it sucks.
You're starved.
Do you think it smacks?
We have some chakudri.
Oh, so you don't stay at like a hotel?
You don't stay at hotels after every show?
Yeah, you just keep going.
We keep going.
Sometimes we have to keep going to make it on time.
Well, if you have a Monday night show and a Tuesday night
show in two different cities, what do you do?
Fuck, you gotta go.
You gotta go.
And what's great is you sleep in the bus
and you wake up and then you're in a different city.
Yeah, that's great.
I hate it as my nightmare.
Really?
Yeah, I'd be like, where am I?
And now I have to do it with kids.
Yeah, but you've done a tour bus before.
Yeah, we've done it.
Yeah, yeah, you like it?
You sleep on the side cubby?
Yeah, they're all cubbies.
You had a bed one.
I had a bed once and I regretted it as a nightmare.
But I love it.
Yeah, you go coffin and you do it.
Yeah, coffin.
I do that too.
Just feel a shake.
You know, we're so similar.
I do this too.
You can just say it.
Yeah, yeah.
And then I sleep.
And then it's dark.
Yeah, sure it is.
It's like a coffin.
Wait, why would it be a coffin?
What?
It's a coffin.
It feels like a coffin because it's dark.
Have you like, did you hit your head getting up?
Yeah, when you get it.
Yeah, you must.
Yeah, yeah.
And then, you know, I'm a master.
You're a master.
I learned how to masturbate because all the other bunks
are filled.
That was the first time you figured it out.
I figured out how to make no noise.
How?
Because at home, I make noise.
Oh, yeah, baby.
Are you that vocal?
Yeah.
By yourself?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, yeah, yeah, do a tight, tight, you know what I mean?
Or whatever.
Tight, tight?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But, you know, on the bus, you can't vocalize like that.
No, yeah, you got to be secret.
Yeah, so I have my, you know, like, you know,
a more Mortal Kombat mask.
Like Sub-Zero?
Sub-Zero mask.
You chloroform yourself?
He probably drugs himself.
I drug myself.
No.
No, but I shut my mouth.
He never finishes.
He goes, pfft.
Oh, yeah.
You put headphones on?
Right?
Wait, that's why you don't think you can hear it.
You're definitely not.
Wait, you find that out?
Everyone's behind you.
Oh, fuck!
Santino hears you.
They hear me.
Oh, let's ask him.
But you know what's gross?
What?
And I had to clean it out.
I can't believe I'm admitting this.
So the day we, you know, two days ago when we were leaving,
I ran back on the bus because I had to take the tissues out
from under the sides of it.
Oh, my fuck.
Ew.
No, but I would come, put in a tissue,
and stick it in the sides.
There was 19 of them.
It's tough.
Y'all got to deal with that.
I'm just impressed with how horny you are.
You're a horny guy.
A horny bastard.
I've never jerked off on the bus.
I'll tell you that right now.
There was not even a thought in my mind to be like,
I got to jerk off on this bus.
Were you like night one jerk off?
No, I waited five days.
How did you get 19 in and expect to be a guy?
You're like, I have to clean this up.
I did rehearsals.
I did rehearsals.
Where?
The first five days of rehearsal.
You know when you do a show?
You have to rehearse.
I'm texting Andrew right now.
Do you know what I hear Bobby do?
So what I did was I would lay there first night.
No, no, that's too much.
Why is the penis so close to your arm?
Why is the penis at your chin?
Because I want people to see it.
This is not actual how it happens.
Yeah, yeah, but if it was, yeah.
Anyway, and I would position, I'd figure it out,
and then I felt confident day five.
Also people's routine when they go to the bathroom.
He's like metal gear.
You were just balling yourself.
How many bodies are on the bus?
You were blue balling yourself.
That's what you're doing.
One, two, three, four, five, six, I think.
Five or six.
I mean, the thing is the air is really loud on the bus,
usually.
What do you mean?
Like in an airplane, say, for instance,
you fart as loud as you want.
No one's going to hear it.
Yes.
That's the only place I fart in public.
Me too.
Well, the car's going, so you hear the engine going down.
Right, you're right.
That helps.
That helps.
And the air.
You guys have AC.
And the things that close, the whatever.
Oh, I don't close that.
What?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Oh, no.
Everyone knows your masterpiece.
That's the challenge.
That's the challenge.
Am I right?
You got time and time.
Are you on the bottom bunk?
Yeah, I'm a bottom bunker.
I'm on top of it.
OK, so they can't really see you?
Well, yeah.
Well, I guess you're right.
You're going to bend down.
You're going to bend down.
You're right, you're right, you're right.
Megan?
I think that's the worst.
I'm leaving.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, it's OK with Megan.
Oh, I said, did you know Bobby masturbated on the bus
every night to Andrew?
He said, I can smell it.
Santino?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can smell it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
He smells it.
Jesus.
And I gave him the back room.
Oh, there's a bed?
Yeah, there's, you know, the last thing is a caboose.
Yeah.
And they have the big bed.
Yeah.
I let him have it for the whole tour.
You're the best friend of all time.
Wow.
What's the strategy?
That's not why.
Because I knew.
So you could masturbate.
No, you could masturbate back there, too.
I'd figure out a different system.
But also, secondly, because I knew
that that would be something that we would fight over.
So you just want to be fine.
JJ, JJ, give me your hand, man.
I was being mindful.
Oh, God, why is that?
And I was looking into the future and going,
what can I do to, you know what I mean,
lessen the tension.
So I'm going to let him have it so we don't ever
fight about it.
What a good man.
That's being the bigger man.
That's being the bigger man.
I'm so resentful.
I had the bed once on, like, two tours ago or something.
And I kept seeing the ring girl in my room at night.
Oh, God.
And so then I was like, brother, will you
come sleep back here with me?
I'm scared.
You saw Samara?
Samara?
Yeah.
I saw her recently, too.
Wait, what?
He's got sleep paralysis.
So he had a guy on his bus that had night terrors.
So you guys have sleep paralysis?
I used to have it all the time.
He's got it bad.
When I quit Xanax, I went cold turkey off Xanax,
and I would see demons in my sleep every night.
The sleep demon, yeah.
It's fucking terrible.
They sit on your chest.
They choke you out.
And you can't move.
You can't move.
You're just going to take it.
Yeah, I've never had that.
Why does your brother have an upper lip and you don't?
I don't have lip.
Did I get my lip stung?
You think I could, like, be an actor?
I think you're a handsome guy.
I'm just saying.
He's got negative lips.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Negative.
Negative.
But when he got braces, you know how sometimes you see people
get braces and it makes them juicy?
Yep.
And then they never depuffed.
J-Train has juicy lips.
J-Train.
Good lips, dude.
I don't know if you want juicy lips.
He'll go ahead.
It's the only thing he's missing.
I don't know if juicy lips fit your profile.
Fit my lifestyle?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is this my camera?
It's awful.
Oh, no.
Where's it ever there?
You got a better one.
Fucking pop star, relax.
I'm not trying to get you guys in a fight.
I just was observing your face.
I only saw you one time, which is at Tim Dillon's birthday
party, Chris's party.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I go, oh, fancy.
When I met him.
Fancy, this is lips.
I think the mustache is sort of a life hack for people
with no lips, because when you shave your mustache,
oh my god.
You can't grow a mustache.
Can I grow a mustache?
I can grow a mustache.
Let me grow the mustache.
You know what?
Maybe try using those lash serums.
On my lips?
Yeah, he's patchy.
It's not like going to come in full.
It's red.
I don't know.
What?
I have a, I have a.
Yes, yes, buddy.
When I first grew a mustache, I had six hairs.
That's all that would grow.
It looks good now.
But you know what I did?
You just keep growing it out, shaving it,
growing it out, shaving it, and then their bodies
get so angry.
So imagine the six hairs, right?
They go, you shave me.
I'm going to bring my bodies.
That's what it does.
I'm not a scientist.
I'm going to bring my body.
I'm going to bring my body.
You know what I mean?
A Samoan guy or whatever, you know what I mean?
So one hair is longer, right?
And they bring a little dwarfy one, you know what I mean?
A little dwarfy one comes, right?
And all of a sudden, there's a gang.
And now you have a.
It's ripping me off.
I know.
Yeah.
So what I'm saying is that's probably
a terrible analogy, but you know what I mean?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes, yes.
Shave and repeat.
Shave and repeat.
Shave and repeat.
Try that.
I think it's.
I've grown it out once and it was bad.
It was also tough.
It looked like you just get the sides, I think there's a picture
somewhere Paparazzi were at the airport and I'm behind you guys.
You know, it goes.
It's just like red and kind of just shitty.
It's not the best mustache.
It's like sparse, spaced out a little bit.
Look at your brother.
You can tell your brother could have a great one.
He could do it.
But he's trying.
He says girlfriend made him try to do a mustache.
It's like, well, how do you know?
We're hairless people.
OK, it's too spaced out.
It's just our dad is like making mole rat.
Oh, he's careless.
Pretty careless.
Yeah, it's great.
Does he have hair on his head?
Yeah.
Yes.
OK.
Isn't that weird?
Should have hair forever.
How's your bush?
It's pretty tamed.
It's not it's not out of control.
And I gave it a quick like once over, probably.
You use Vanscapes.
Oh, yeah.
Promo code belly.
Once a month.
Once a month is yours.
Probably, yeah.
Yeah.
And it's not like.
Yeah, I barely shave my legs or anything.
You don't have to.
You don't grow a lot of hair on your body.
No nipple hair or nothing?
No.
Oh my god.
I recently got belly hair with this pregnancy
and shaved it once and see that it's, but it's like blonde.
And I do.
I shaved my face.
He filmed me doing that.
We put on my TikTok.
But that's just when you're pregnant?
No, that's there.
It's like.
She's there all the time.
I feel like everyone has fun though.
Yeah.
But when I do like photo shoots or something up close,
like a music video, I don't want to like blur it out later.
Something I'll just shave a day of.
I find that sexy.
The invisible hairs you see in the sunlight.
You like want to turn on?
No, I just like if you're at a beach and you see a blonde,
especially in the little invisible hairs.
You know what I mean?
What's funny?
That's what kids are doing.
And also brown people too.
Yeah, not as invisible or mustaches come in here.
Yeah, yours is more like, you know, Freddie Mercury.
You laser?
No, no, I actually, I don't grow a lot of hair.
I don't grow any hair on my pussy pad.
What?
Yeah.
Sorry.
What did you say?
Pussy fat?
No, pussy.
I'll pat it on.
I yeah, I just stopped growing hair there like a decade ago.
I love pussy.
It just stopped.
Stopped.
Well, vitamins, you know, I think I wax too much in my 20s.
I've never waxed once.
I'm too afraid.
I don't think I have enough hair.
It does hurt really.
I don't qualify for laser.
Oh, I think I don't either.
Yeah, what qualifies you?
You got to be bushy.
Yeah, because I think if you laser off very thin hair,
it can there's a potential for it to be thicker.
So if you already have naturally thin hair, you shouldn't.
So I should laser my upper lip and get thick stash.
Yeah, we're thinking.
There you go.
OK.
You're using your mind for once.
For what?
I can't stop thinking about my little lips.
No, they're cute.
You're making them insecure.
No, no, no, no, no, let's let me.
Can I just get them?
So let me.
Do we like each other?
I love you, Bobby.
I love you.
You actually.
I love you as well, too.
And when I see you, I feel we have an extra bond.
Oh, Soba Kings.
Yeah, two years almost in June.
Congratulations.
Thank you.
And you came to that little thing that I had.
Yeah, I've been to a couple.
I've missed many.
Come this Wednesday, maybe.
Yeah, I'm going to go this Wednesday.
Let's go.
Really?
Yeah, it makes me very uncomfortable.
But I do like it.
He was thumbing the first time he went, you didn't show up.
Well, no, no, no, no.
Also that you were in Hawaii.
Just I would love for you to go.
So I did I went, but I didn't know the process.
I don't think you were.
How I mean, no, no, no, no, he told me.
He told I didn't know I reading out loud.
I don't like reading out loud out of a book.
It's tough.
It's like selling a book right now.
And I have to do it everywhere.
And I despise it.
I hate it.
What is something you wrote?
She wrote a book.
Check it out right now.
It's all about being pregnant.
Oh, my God.
You did all about the stretch marks on my vagina.
What's it called?
Dear future mama.
I get that.
Oh, shut up.
Bye.
Wait.
Don't buy it here.
Buy it at your local stores because it
counts better for the times.
Yeah.
But yeah, Amazon's great, too.
Yeah, but Barnes and Noble.
Go buy it.
So you were scared the first time.
Right.
Yeah.
Well, I get scared every time.
Yeah, it's intense.
He's never done anything like that.
It's an intense.
But you felt comfortable for me.
I was so proud of you.
Thank you.
Oh, he's an actor.
I'm very good.
I think it's because of a traumatic moment that
happened in my life when I was like 12.
Because of that moment, I've been
able to like I could be dying on the inside,
but I'll put on a put on a face.
So something happened.
We all have that.
Yeah.
You have that?
Not me.
You have it too, right?
Yeah, yeah.
That we have to show a certain.
Oh, yeah.
I think it's called flower shielding.
Cool.
Let's go to work.
I think you made that term up.
I don't think I did.
Yeah, I've never heard that.
I think you made it up, but we can't do it.
And then he burns like that.
Dr. Cole.
So anyway, I made up a word called flower shielding.
Yeah, I like it, though.
And what flower shielding means, right?
Because you can, somebody invented our language.
Right.
Why can't we create other words?
Yeah.
And I'm going to put my fucking thing in.
Flower shielding.
And in your face, you're flowery, but inside, you're dying.
Dying.
Yes, we have to do that all the time.
And you have to do that in social.
Like right now, I don't want to be here.
Oh my god, what's wrong?
No, I'm kidding.
No, what I'm saying is even on stage, sometimes I'm like,
I don't want to perform.
Yeah.
I mean, I'm just not in a funny mood.
And then once you go out there, show time, right?
But it's like, they don't sense what's
going on inside hell, sometimes in my soul.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, because people have tough days.
So you've definitely done that.
Like, I've watched it happen.
You were in complete meltdown before a show.
And you're like, and then you just go for it.
Yeah, that picture.
Or like, yeah, recently, I had to do it.
It was great.
Which is sometimes she acts like a little baby
before the show, or what?
A baby.
I'll be like, should I run away and start a fall?
I have to go.
Yeah, well, explain Melto.
Or like on a video set.
She'd just be like, you know, like almost about to burst.
And I go, hey, hey, hey, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy.
Crazy, crazy, crazy.
Yeah.
And then do the pop-up.
All right.
No, literally, or like in Australia
when we did Australian Idol, the cameras were like so rude
for women.
They were just so low.
And I left the first aid crying and was like, I'm leaving.
I can't do this.
I'm going to talk to them.
She's like, take me to the fucking trailer
where the guy is pointing the cameras at me.
I'm going to talk to him right now.
And he's screaming through the hallway.
I go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
I love it.
I love it.
We're going to bring it down.
We're going to bring it down.
Yeah.
Well, you did a Merrick.
You did Australian Idol.
Which is your dream come true, by the way.
It's my dream come true.
I wish I had gone.
So you were a judge.
I was a judge.
And how long do you shoot for?
Three months.
I was writing for the second two months.
And the first month, you're just like, land, do a show,
fly the next day because it's the auditions.
Yeah.
So that one was tough with a toddler.
And so what we don't see is they shoot so much.
You've probably seen so many auditions
that we're not even watching because they cut it out.
So you're there all day long.
Yeah, those are the longest days.
Those are so good, though, because we
didn't have to do master interviews after.
So it'd be like 30 people come in and we're on the list
and we're like, only four more to go, guys.
And then we can leave.
Right.
And everyone was respectful and showed up on time.
Are there people that, like, does a producer go,
this next guy is really good?
Do they do that?
And then they're always wrong.
They're wrong.
Are you?
Right.
I can imagine.
Or they'll pay attention to this.
Or there'll be, like, six bad ones in a row, like, tone deaf.
And they're, like, trying to make a TV.
And I'm like, what are you doing?
Like, are we getting anything?
It's fame.
Well, when you're saying, what are you doing?
You're saying that to the cast?
Like, are you doing this in purpose?
And they're like, no, we thought she was really good.
Oh, wow.
I was like, you're a liar.
Yeah.
You know?
Is it hard to be brutal?
Yeah, I'm the soft one.
I'm like, hey, Bestie.
There's this thing called TikTok.
I tell you, we're going to shine.
I just thought it's really stinky.
Sorry, JJ.
You're going to get the brunt of it.
OK, I want to give you an example.
So let's say I'm singing.
Because I could never be brave enough to do that.
Do what?
Audition.
I know.
That's why I love those shows, because sometimes when
they hit the ball and they hit a homerun,
I like seeing people perform under pressure.
It teaches me about performance.
Yes.
That's why I like the biggest audition ever.
All right, so let's say I did it.
I was bad, right?
So give me a note that you would say.
So what'd you think?
Oh, Bobby.
Yeah?
You are so cute.
I'm so glad you're here today.
First of all, you won.
Already I'm suicidal.
Already?
Suicide.
You win, because you're brave enough to show up here.
Oh, my god.
Where do you find our rope?
You got to immediately go to the therapist at the show.
They have you to talk to.
They have therapists on site.
They have a therapist on site.
You can do that immediately.
Yeah, I would bring my katana.
And when you see that, eh, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.
Oh, over fucking.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, there's no way.
OK.
Ditching, put your head down.
Ew.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
So how?
Aerithonic Junior.
What's he like?
He was amazing.
He's the man.
I got adopted by his family for the joint Australia.
Is he the Simon vibe?
The joint Australia.
Who's the man?
Yeah, he did give us, I think.
I don't know.
He was just like, at some point,
we all got invested in these humans and we loved them.
And we would be like, oh, buddy.
It wasn't your best, you know?
But we love you.
And we remember all the good times.
And he was like, here's why you messed up
and how you like might get sent.
He'd be like, here's a thing called pitch.
Oh, wow.
You were off.
Oh, I like that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then.
And everyone boo.
Australians can do that.
Kyle, I boo.
Oh, the crowd would boo Harry constantly.
I got booed like twice and like cried myself to sleep.
Oh, really?
Oh, if I get honked at, I'm crying for the rest of the week.
Wow.
Well, you need that because you don't want liars.
You want tough love.
Yeah, they need it.
Yeah, they need it, right?
They also, the business is brutal.
I'm a softy one.
I know if I'm like, come to me, I'll take Harry, you know?
Yeah, yeah.
Because you know, Harry, what do you think?
Yeah, but you know, like, you had probably traumatic or terrible
things that happened early on in your career.
And you grow from there and you get proud of yourself
to persevere and all that.
So I think it's needed.
And then you go like, I'm going to prove them wrong.
You know, that's a great thing to have.
That's all of it.
Yeah, that's most of it.
Right, I'm going to show you.
I'm going to show you in my mind.
And I've told them before, I'd be like, prove to us
why you deserve to be here today.
Wow.
What was the worst bomb you saw?
And you have the same name names,
but was there one that was so outrageously bad?
They didn't air it.
It was so bad.
But you saw one.
Yeah, it was like, they didn't air it.
With props?
Yeah.
Wow.
So there was a guy that used props?
A girl.
Yeah.
Like carrot tops?
She set up a whole thing, like a swing to swing on,
and then sing.
And it took this girl 45 minutes.
What?
To set it up.
And we were all sitting there like, oh, this better be good.
And then she got up there and sang Gravity, and it wasn't good.
Oh, no.
And we were like, oh, sweet baby girl.
And I thought they aired everything.
So I was like, well, at least you
got to show your talent to all of Australia.
And Harry was like, they don't air every single one.
Stop saying that.
I was like, oh, no.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, dude.
Wow.
So he was brutal to her.
She.
Oh, he was brutal to her.
Yeah.
No, no.
Brutal, just realistic.
He was brutal to me when she left.
He was like, hey, stop promising these things.
And I was like, oh, I didn't know.
I think you and I are like, we're people-pleasers.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't like when people get hurt.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
We were just like, oh, they must be great.
They wouldn't make her do all this.
This is embarrassing, you know?
Wow.
I would have loved to go.
Because I love that.
I just love everything about it.
He's obsessed with any of our jobs.
My dream is to get one in America, you know,
is to drive down the street and go to the voice.
But I keep getting these great opportunities
with the voice.
I would watch every episode.
The side of the world.
All right, I was on.
I watched it.
What did you say?
Why are you doing that to your number one fan?
What are you doing?
He's just going to watch every episode.
You just Bobby lead, Bobby.
Bobby lead him.
He's posse.
You just reversed.
You used it against me.
I don't know.
I don't know what I did wrong, Sweaty, I'm sorry.
That's me.
You win because you showed up today.
No, but I don't even know what I was going to say.
You would watch every episode.
I want to be on The Voice.
Yeah, I love The Voice.
I know, yeah.
I think you would be perfect on that show.
Thank you so much.
I've done The Voice UK now.
I've done Australian Idol.
The four?
I've done the four.
Wait, you did UK Voice?
Yeah.
With Tom Jones?
Yeah, I did.
How was he?
The best person alive.
He's 11.
80 years old walking up on stage.
And it's like we've been there for 14 hours.
I'm like, he should go home.
He looks good.
I don't know how old he is.
Please don't call me on 80.
I don't know how old he is.
But he's up there.
Wow.
And they probably set you up in a nice hotel, right?
If you're in London, you were at a great hotel.
They give you like a chunk of money and then you pick.
Oh, so that's how long it is.
She paid an extra for her.
So you were in the best hotel in London.
Yeah, in London?
Yes.
Manchester was tough.
But yeah, London was good.
Oh, really?
Why was Manchester tough?
It's tougher.
It's a grittier, grittier city.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, I mean, the music scene in Manchester
derived from, you know what I mean,
how tough that town was.
Yeah.
I think Joy Division's from there, you know what I mean?
I think so.
Cool.
Yeah.
I don't know.
What?
No idea.
You have no idea.
You guys look that up.
Wait, wait, wait.
Oh, you only listen to her music?
Is that where we're going?
Yeah, he bumps my zone.
That's what's fucking happening?
No.
I only listen to Drake AI.
No, honestly, he walks out of the damn house with that.
Is that Joy Division?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Where are they from?
Hey, look up for that.
Don't look at the fuck.
I know what you're fucking doing.
Yeah, well, this is what they look like.
They are from South Ford, England.
But they got their start in, I think, in Manchester.
Forget it.
But you don't have to the lead singer, though, right?
Do you guys know his story?
You know him?
He encouraged us.
Should I know this?
He died young.
It's pretty tragic.
You should know it.
He was 21.
They did a couple albums.
And he had, I think he was, you know,
manic depressive.
Yeah, but didn't he suffer from epilepsy?
He did.
Also, in depression.
In depression.
And at the age of 21, he killed himself.
It really is a huge loss.
That guy was, like, once in a lifetime talent.
His voice.
They did a movie called Control.
And it was a real theatrical movie about him.
And the guy that plays him is really good in the movie.
You should see it.
Control.
Yeah, you might not like the music, though,
because it's a little British.
No, it's like a dark wave.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I'm into, like, happy.
I can get down.
I can get down.
Oh, really?
Only happy stuff for you?
Yeah.
Disney.
I love that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love Disney.
I want to say all your recommendations
on this podcast are 10 out of 10.
Top tier.
I love everything that you tell.
What do I recommend?
Triangle of sadness.
Well, yeah, but everyone loves it.
You were the first one that I heard talking about it.
You were the first.
You were, like, fucking what?
Beef.
You mentioned beef.
Oh, we love beef.
Oh, God.
I love beef.
Those are two.
He was the first one to mention it
is because he didn't get the part.
Right.
Fuckhead.
Well, no, it's really, really good.
It could have been the greatest show.
No, it was weird watching the whole time.
I was like, why is Bobby in this?
Because Rex was the guy who was supposed to was named Bobby
on the show.
It was supposed to be Bobby.
Yeah, he wrote it for me.
So what happened?
What did you do?
Rehab.
He has a rehab.
And that's, you know, one of the consequences of using.
And that's a message to you, right?
Thank you.
Wow.
You missed out on opportunities when you relapse.
I missed out on many opportunities, for sure.
But what else have I recommend?
Those are only two things.
Season two has got to come out someday.
I don't know.
Did you say a bunch of shit?
No, it's always great.
I can't think.
But Joy Division is a band.
If you don't know them now, you'll never get it.
I think if you listen to, like, isolation or some of their songs,
transmission, I don't think you'll get it.
Not that I'm not saying that you're dumb.
Well, why did you laugh when you said that?
The voice crack.
He's the bright one in the fucking fact.
Give me a hand.
Yeah, he's the smartest.
Yeah, he's the only one that went to college.
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Thank you.
Thank you.
But the music that I listen to is pretty all over the place.
I can listen to, you know, I can go from yeet to black keys,
you know, I can.
OK, you throw some stuff down.
But before you listen to the music,
though, watch the movie, I think.
OK.
You know what I mean?
I listen to T-Pain and T-Pain only.
I love T-Pain.
I fucking love T-Pain.
I'm obsessed with T-Pain.
Yeah, try working out to anything else.
That sounds like an ointment that you put on a muscle.
Excuse me?
Like, bang, dude.
You don't know music.
Is it T-Pain?
Something that you put on muscles when they're achy?
Do you know T-Pain?
I've never heard of T-Pain.
Yes, you have.
I've been trying to get him on this.
You've heard T-Pain.
Let me back you with T-Pain.
Peak 2000.
Oh, Peak 2000.
T-Pain.
I'm in love with T-Pain.
You beat your own every single song ever.
I'm doing it right.
Inside the strip club, we're doing it right.
American society is underbelly crazy.
I'm T-Pain.
I'm T-Pain.
Something like that.
He is my king and he is a lyricist.
Oh, I love him.
And I love him.
He's the way he looks.
I'm a mass singer.
He twitches.
You guys can play games together.
What does he play?
I don't know.
Yeah.
Can we just chat?
He does a lot of that now, but he would play anything.
He makes music on there, too.
Wait, did he win the Masked Singer?
Yeah, the first one ever.
He did, right?
It's my king.
What's the mask?
Oh, is that Ken Jung's show?
Or Robin Thicke's show.
You should be on that show.
I'm proud of Ken.
It's great.
Mass Singer though, right?
Am I right again?
Because why are you talking all weird?
You're weird, man.
I'm not competitive.
I'm not competitive.
Everything's right.
Everyone gets their stuff in the right time.
You know, he has his lane.
We have different lanes.
He's on a highway.
And I'm on a dirt road.
A bumpy dirt road with no fucking pavement.
Because it's just about to begin.
My road is my road, right?
It's dirty, potholes, right?
It doesn't go anywhere, but it's a road nonetheless.
We wanted to invite you to do 75 Hard with us
after this baby comes out.
What's that?
75 hard days of exercising and drinking water and no booze
and no cheating and no, like, on food.
Can I say something?
And I'm being the most real that Bobby Lee can be.
He's going to cold plunge with us, bro.
OK.
I want to change my whole life.
Let's fucking go.
I will do it with you.
So don't ever call me again.
Oh, what?
I don't need this negativity in my life.
I need to nod your fist fuck off.
The fist fight.
On camera.
No, no.
Have you ever cold plunged?
No, I have cold plunged.
But let me say something, all right?
And this is the real.
Let's get more real than I was.
I was joking before.
So this is really real?
This is real, though.
OK.
Go fuck yourself.
I can't say I'm sorry.
I really want to do it.
I want to change my life.
I want to change my life.
This is what we do at the chairhouse, OK?
This is how we live.
She has.
But you said this before, oh, you're
going to record music on my house.
We never happens.
You went on tour.
Fucking bullshit.
Watch out for your crack.
It's gone now.
I'm a vapor.
Holy fuck.
She's got like three babies.
So how far is your house?
Stop vaping.
From here.
75 yards.
Depends on the traffic.
OK, right now.
You live in sensory city?
No, no, no.
It was a tough ride.
It was like 30 minutes, which is pretty standard for LA,
though.
Oh, that's not bad.
Yeah.
For traffic?
It's not too bad.
It's not bad, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I will get you a driver.
Well, yeah, it'll be him.
We have a gym at the house.
We have a gym at the house.
She has a personal trainer.
Yeah.
We'd love to, yeah, if you want to work out.
When you start.
You do like what?
When the baby comes out, I have to heal for six weeks.
Perfect.
So hot July.
Perfect.
Six weeks.
What comes after July?
August.
There it is.
So in August?
I don't know my months.
I don't know my months, dog.
Yeah, so perfect.
Because I go on tour.
When?
I'm doing it.
I have four days off.
I was just on two weeks.
I do another three weeks with Andrew Wednesday.
And then I.
This is terrible.
It sounds like it's just hard to breathe.
Stop smoking that fucking babe.
He's not like six more underneath there.
And then this is, I hate them all.
What is that, dad?
Yeah.
I switched to just a Nicorette gum.
I used to do those all the time.
So anyway, when I get back.
So gross.
So when I get back from tour, I'm going to take the rest of the year off.
I want to work on new jokes locally.
I'm going to lose weight.
I'm going to exercise with you.
I'm going to drink water, eat right.
And I'm going to be a different man.
Because let me say something right now.
Nobody want to fuck me.
No, nobody.
That's not true.
That's such a lie.
That's such a lie.
That's such a lie.
Nobody want to fuck me.
Justin, that's not true.
Yeah, yeah, it's.
I'll tell you, I'll tell you something real, man.
Have you tried?
And they were like, no, thanks.
I have to fart.
I'm going to fart in the mic.
I don't know if this is healthy for a pregnant woman.
Oh, yeah, he should have self.
It was a tour, it was a queef.
I heard a poo fly out for sure.
How cute was that?
How cute?
You didn't hear it.
Jake Trayn just ran away.
Oh, it smells so bad.
I'm so sorry, though.
I'm so sorry.
I'm sorry that your gas is rude.
I can't smell it yet.
You won't.
Let's hope you won't.
What was I even talking?
Oh, I can't, I can't get it.
I can't get it.
I can't either.
It hurts.
But you have a man.
Yes.
Yeah, yeah, and you will again.
I will have good tucks again.
But for me, it's like the kind of people I'm.
Oh, Bobby.
Oh, God.
My nose is broken from all the cocaine.
I can't smell it.
So I can.
OK, keep going.
Thank God.
One good thing.
Yeah, yeah, I'm doing coke.
Megan, can you really smell it?
No, and I pregnancy knows.
I can smell everything.
So, oh, is it a little sour?
It's yeah, let's get a little sour cream today.
What did you eat?
I hate, I hate just the air.
A pork.
He loves me.
He'll do anything.
He'll eat my shit.
This guy will be thirsty.
Did I eat a pork sandwich, right?
And then last night I had tacos 1986 or.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, tacos.
That's what I'm getting.
Yeah, I love tacos.
But that place, you know, it's just tortilla and meat.
You know how tacos work.
A lot of walk.
You know how tacos work, right?
Anybody that doesn't know how tacos work.
This is how it works.
There's like tortillas in meat.
Anyway, so my first anyway, let's go back to the girls.
I've been one girl broke up with me.
Fast.
Fast.
Not that fast.
Couple months.
Yeah, she goes, I met someone younger.
No, she didn't.
Someone my age.
Yeah.
And then I looked at her 30s, right?
Yeah.
And I looked at his photos.
He looked like he looks like Brandon Lee.
Like Bruce Lee's son.
She likes Asians, but she got.
She was like, I'm not going to go Miyagi.
I'm going to go the crown.
Oh, yeah.
Right.
It's like the difference.
Miyagi crown.
She's going to get bored and come back.
No, she's out.
Is there a reason you do this at 4 PM?
Do what?
This podcast.
Yeah, because I don't wake up before 2.
Jesus Christ.
OK.
Why?
We're going to fix that.
Are you going to give me a life lesson?
Yes.
Oh, go ahead.
Yeah.
Everyone try.
Go ahead, Megan.
Here I go.
Yeah, go ahead.
What are the benefits for you?
Yeah, man.
I got to go home and then put my kid to bed and then go to bed.
It's like my day is done now.
You know?
He's speaking Korean to you.
Respond back.
Yeah.
Let me tell you something.
So with so many five heart, we're going to get out.
Let me tell you something.
The reason why I don't have kids.
Why?
I don't want to have one.
Because you want to sleep in.
Because I want to sleep in.
Yeah.
OK.
There are a lot of things I want to do.
Have you ever woke up earlier than noon?
I have.
You know, if I have an 8 o'clock call time for a TV show,
why are you there?
I don't sleep.
Do you like it? You don't go to bed. I don't go to bed. I just go straight from not sleeping to the shoot.
Geez.
Right. And like, how come you don't hear your lines?
I don't know where I am.
I don't know who or what I am right now.
Yeah. But I do it.
I'll wake up for call times.
And that's it.
And auditions, maybe.
But nothing else.
OK.
This might be an issue with the whole.
No.
But that's why I want to change that.
That's why we're here.
Oh, you do want to change?
I think it's only like 75 days.
So what day?
How old?
You don't have to jump into 75.
What time do I have to wake up, Megan?
You work at, what, 8 30 in the morning?
9.
9.
9 is a great time.
10.
I'll give you 10.
I have no work, you know, when I'm like healing with a baby.
All right. So I show up at your house at 9.
Yeah.
But if you want to work out later, you can hit me up.
And I'll go in there later.
No, no, no, no, no.
It'll change his whole life for you.
No, because change, I don't want to cut corners.
I'll get my workout done.
I just want to be there to, you know, guide Bobby.
He's the guy that runs backwards in front of you that goes, really?
We're going that fast.
Hey, man. Come on, guys.
Yeah, let's do it together.
I'll kill you.
But there's a specific kind of body I want.
OK.
OK.
We have gold.
Give us the comp.
Where are the comps?
I want to look like.
Mark.
1976, Jet Lee.
Oh, from the one?
Oh, no.
Yeah.
So skinny, but muscle.
Skinny.
Why are you doing that with your mouth?
I just, that's the hardest body you could pick.
Why are you doing that?
That's so rude.
You're like hydrate yourself.
And let me tell you something about that mouth you just did.
The no lips.
That's exactly what I don't want in my life, right?
Is doubters.
OK, OK.
All right.
So let's start over.
OK.
Let's do it again.
Let's do it again.
OK.
Do it again.
So I want to look like 1985.
That's what I want to look.
Do the pose.
Do the pose.
Easy.
Show us the pose.
Easy.
Easy.
Easy, dude.
Easy.
Attainable.
Look at that.
That's what.
Why did you laugh like that?
That's mocking me.
You don't think I can do that?
I think you, I think you, I believe in you.
Why are you stuttering?
What the fuck is going on here?
What the fuck is going on here?
I think you could do anything.
Well, I think you can get like the muscles.
It's just that like your proportions are a little strange.
Yeah.
Like your arms are very short.
Yeah, but that's going to be good for bench press.
You're right.
You're going to be able to bench so much.
I love how he's so sick.
Thank you.
What else is going to be good?
My doughy body.
What's that?
Your height.
You're going to be so small.
And like.
I feel like you just made fun of him.
There wasn't.
Your height.
You are short.
No one likes you.
No, I meant.
You're going to be so small.
What does it even mean?
I see me.
I want to be petite.
And like.
Why are you not making eye contact with you?
Megan has a point because thank you.
I do find you the most attractive when you have meat
on your body.
Yeah, but the meat that you have,
we could turn that into muscle.
And right, right.
This is mass.
It's mass.
Boy.
So when you poop, you can poop like two pounds.
Us ladies, I worked really hard and lost one pound a week
of like pure discipline.
Plus water retention, water retention,
low one week.
I tried running every day.
I gained four pounds of inflammation and just upset me.
And I was like, I cannot win.
Get on testosterone.
You're going to be so.
It's going to be like one month.
Do TRT.
Oh, shredded.
I want to do steroids.
Get on TRT.
Get on TRT.
Everyone does it.
What's your TRT?
Let's do it.
Testosterone.
You inject in your ass.
You have it.
Maybe.
You're over 30.
I'm not eligible.
I was a low T guy.
I'm a high T. I want to be high T too.
I've always wanted to be high T.
It feels good.
I'm going to wait for it.
I've always wanted it.
But the problem is you're already really horny.
So you might have.
You might have a triple T.
I want to go high.
Sounds like a movie.
You're going to be jerking off a lot.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You might have an issue.
Yeah.
Do it.
Go on.
Let me ask you about that.
What are the negative side effects of a TRT?
You don't have to think about it.
No, no, no.
I don't want shrunken balls.
My balls are already shrunken.
You can take something else that'll counteract that.
You just add onto it.
Are your balls shrunken better? No, you just you take something else.
What would you take?
HCG.
So you take two things.
Like pregnancy, HCG?
We do HGH.
Or you can't.
You can't.
You don't want to do that.
You just yeah, you take that because then it signals.
It's a whole thing.
Is it bad for blood pressure?
Who would go and do that?
I have high blood pressure.
So if I take TNT.
You'll explode.
Or be a movie network.
Star.
Big big sooner.
That'd be a good movie.
A guy that thinks he's taking steroids.
But TNT.
Yeah.
It explodes at the end of the movie.
I like that.
It's not bad.
It's a sad story.
I was like a year and a half sober or a little over a year sober.
This is recent.
And I was like still depressed, still down, like didn't feel good.
And I was like, I'm doing everything right.
I'm working out all the time, taking care of myself.
And I was still not good.
And I go to this, this doctor do a blood test.
And he goes, this is what's happened.
You're a little low.
Tee man.
Now I feel like my mood feels better.
I can work out more.
You get the TNT from the Mexico or from America?
It's America.
I don't know where they get.
I don't know where they get.
I know, but I know a lot of people that go down to America.
American dynamite, sweetie.
I want Mexican dynamite in my butthole.
But it's a low.
It's a super low dose.
Bert just started too.
Bert Crusher.
Really?
Talk to him.
He still looks like I can't.
I don't want to explain it, but he just started the thing without the rocky features.
He needs more sleep maybe.
Yeah.
That doesn't look good.
I don't want that.
Yeah.
I want to look different.
But if you want to look like that, you might need a little extra help.
A little extra help.
I'll do it.
I just don't want to get a stroke.
You're going to cry.
Yeah.
No, the doctor will help you.
Okay.
But the vaping is no good.
My friend, the vaping is no good.
Where are you going?
What happened?
I wanted to show you this blood clot.
I came out of my nose yesterday.
What the fuck?
I want to see it.
Can you text me?
Did you send it to me?
Yeah.
I'll send it to Gilbert and you can put it on the big screen.
Bloody booger or straight from here?
No.
So I had a nosebleed.
I'm a bleeder.
I'll have nosebleeds.
But this lasted 40 minutes and I had like, you know, you get the blood clot at the end
and then it ends.
Yeah.
I had six of them.
And the last one that came out of me was the size of my hand and I took my picture
with my hand next to it.
Oh my God.
That's dangerous.
I was like, you're not gonna call somebody?
You should.
Oopsie poopsie.
Did you ever have your nose like, cauterized or anything?
No.
This is bad.
Like I've had many nosebleeds and I've never seen anything like this in my life.
Were you worried?
I weighed him down.
He was in the back.
I was like, go inside.
I think I'm dying.
Yes.
No good.
What's the fault?
Is that it?
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
It has a face.
Hold on.
Let me see what I sent my mom.
Gilbert's getting it too.
Oh yeah.
Pop it on the screen.
So like she's been under some high stress and anxiety recently.
She thinks it's a stress demon that came out of me.
I think it was a demon that left her brain.
A stress demon.
Did you immediately feel relief after the nosebleed?
He's like, that must have felt good.
Oh my God.
That's a childbirth.
Holy shit.
It's so dark.
I got to send you the one.
Why is it so...
Look at the it.
It faces inside.
You see the clowns on the top.
Was it the top right?
That?
Faces?
What?
That?
No.
I see the Virgin Mary.
See it.
Gilbert ever.
Download that one I just sent.
Wow.
That's crazy.
Zoom in.
You see the nose?
Justin, point to the nose.
Yeah.
There's the face.
See that clown face?
If you turn it this way, I see the face.
Oh my God.
There it is.
You see it.
I also see a potato.
Look, look, look.
Zoom in.
Zoom in.
Yeah.
Point out it.
I'm trained.
Yeah.
Right there.
Oh.
Oh my God.
I see it.
Yeah.
It's like a bear.
I see a bear.
Like a little bit.
Anyway.
Wow.
That's insane.
That's my face.
Yeah.
That's my face.
Isn't it the little lips?
Yeah.
Megan, if that happened to me, I would go...
Oh my God.
Oh my God.
Honestly, you got to go to the hospital.
I don't know.
I think I'm okay.
I don't think so, man.
I've never seen that before in my life.
I've never seen either.
I looked up like nose beads could happen with hormone, hormonal changes when you're pregnant.
I was like, okay.
But with that much like tissue coming out.
I've never bled like in a period without much tissue.
The one before that, the clot, I just like blew it out and it went straight up my face.
No way.
No way.
It's so endearing.
You're not concerned?
Of course I'm concerned.
Why have you guys taken your doctor?
You got to take your sister to the fucking doctor, dude.
She's also tough.
I go, you're good.
You're fine.
Well, Massachusetts.
Yes.
I know.
I understand that, but it could be something serious.
Okay.
Well, you're the nurse.
Go ahead.
That's concerning.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I'll text her to my doctor right now.
Yeah, yeah.
No.
I told her I said text your doctor.
You said you would.
I know.
I'm going to do it right now.
Well, it's just, it's just the amount.
It was a lot.
Yeah.
I was going to say if you said there's six of them that came in.
Yeah.
Because I was like, oh, I got the blood clot.
I'm good.
And then I just kept raining blood and then more blood clots.
And I was like, God, he just won't slow down.
Can I ask you guys something because of the workout?
I'm just a side note.
Yeah.
You're back there.
Is there, I want to buy a machine.
Yeah.
What kind?
There's what?
You're telling me which one?
There's machines you could put like here.
No, no, no, no, no.
It's a shake.
I don't do a shake.
I want to buy, I want to buy like workout gear.
Like a bench in a bar.
Like something where I can do this.
I want to do this.
I don't know what they're called.
So I want to do this.
Like a bow flex.
Bow flex.
I want to do this.
I want to do this one.
Right.
I want to do this one.
Right.
Do you remember seeing Chuck Norris on that bow flex?
I was like, yeah, I'm going to be Chuck Norris.
Yeah.
Get this bow flex.
Biggest scam of all time.
You like Chuck Norris?
I just, I was with his son.
He has a son.
He has several sons.
Oh, wow.
His son's a stunt curator.
He seemed like the man.
And he's the nicest guy that his son.
You know what I mean?
It kind of looks like Chuck anyway.
I don't know why I just said that.
That's cool.
But yeah, you just need a, I mean, yeah.
What, what, where do you get this from?
Your eyes are close together because they don't have.
Oh, no, no, no.
He has what I have.
I like it.
I love that.
I call it fashionably cross-eyed.
No, I am.
I am actually.
I'm actually cross-eyed.
You're severely.
Show them what you look like.
You got so conscious as a fool.
No, no, because I am cross-eyed.
You're beautiful.
You're beautiful.
But so nice.
That's why he's nice.
Because watch what he looks like.
Yeah.
So when I don't wear contacts.
Yeah.
Oh, there he is.
And then out.
And throughout, like you're all through college too.
This is it.
He would like take out his tooth and be like, hello.
Wow.
Your eyes.
It's only when I focus.
I'm very far-sighted.
I actually.
Heartbreak.
I tried to get lay sick and he was like, come back in 10 years when the science is there.
You can't do it because of the lazy eye and I'm far-sighted.
Oh, I'm sorry.
And the boys in our family, like they both have perfect vision.
They both needed braces for 10 years.
I got many years.
And my son, dude, cannot see.
Blind.
No, he can see.
But like it's bad.
The doctor was like, the doctor's like, this eye is like bad.
And this one's twice as bad.
So he's not even using the left eye.
And I was like, oh no.
He's extra cute with his glasses.
People think that it's like a fashion statement though.
And I'm like, I can't see without them.
When they pop off, he goes, glasses, glasses.
This is also if you work out.
You can look like this guy.
No, we took this on a Polaroid picture.
Who was that?
Ryan Trainor.
It's not, right?
It was from Australia.
The Polaroid did a crazy filter.
We were like, wait.
Are we in shit, bro?
You cocky piece of shit.
Look at that fucking thing.
I've been working fucking hard.
I've been working very hard, OK?
Soap it up.
I've been eating, right?
What does it say there?
Read it.
He's so cute, but he is so small to wear eyeglasses.
Haram.
Haram.
He's a kid still.
He's a kid still.
OK, relax.
What?
We're fixing his eyes.
You're welcome.
But don't like want to work out for looks.
You'll feel so much better.
You'll just feel better.
That's where you're flossing so hard in that.
Look at your left arm.
Yeah, he was not.
He was like.
So gross.
I know what you're doing.
Chris bumps that thing.
No, I'm chilling.
I'm not flexing.
I'm not flexing.
It's a great body, though.
I have to admit.
Oh, I gave it.
I threw it a like.
Aw.
Did I?
I didn't do it.
Every light counts.
So you.
What's the age difference between you three?
I don't know.
You're in five days.
Oh, wow.
My parents are like.
You're older.
Oh, everyone thinks that.
Yeah.
Thanks.
And then.
A fucking ear.
A fucking ear.
Tell me short.
Yeah.
That's for my short thing.
Go ahead.
Go ahead.
You say you're a year older.
You're the oldest.
Oldest, middle.
You're the youngest?
Yeah.
What's the difference with you?
Two years from me, right?
Yeah.
So he was a freshman in high school and I was a senior.
Wow.
All the senior parties.
We'd be like, freshman, freshman.
Yeah, I'm doing body shots.
I was there.
It was great.
Really?
Chinas are here.
You know.
J-Train had the best freshman year.
Did they have drugs?
Did they do drugs and stuff?
No drug.
Christian.
Christian.
Christian.
Yeah.
My mom's gonna listen.
My mom's gonna listen.
She doesn't.
I didn't do drugs.
Yeah, yeah.
Did you drink?
I gave him his first pot.
marijuana, really?
Yeah.
Corrupted him.
Did you feel guilty?
Now he's a pothead for life.
That's my man.
What?
He's getting better.
You're getting better.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You're doing every day though?
You used to do it every day?
Yeah.
Yeah.
What do you do for a living?
He produced my latest song, Mother.
Ever heard of it?
I am your mother.
I like my mother.
I loved it.
I had Chris Jenner in it.
It's a big deal, my guy.
You watch it?
Listen, you don't have to sell yourself on YouTube.
Yes, I do, because I know you watch it.
I know you do.
I don't watch anything.
It only has 24 million views.
I'm 30 months pregnant here.
Look at her.
Look at her mouth.
I want to play, but I think we'll get flagged by YouTube.
We'll get flagged.
We'll get flagged.
Megan is sitting right here.
Megan, all that big.
What is she like?
The best person ever.
She's the best.
So nice.
To you.
Okay.
To you.
Okay.
It's not to you.
No, you see only what you see.
Look at her.
She's stunning.
John, you know what I'm talking about, right?
What she means to you?
No, but people say, oh, Steven Segal is a great guy.
Yeah, because you did a movie with him, right?
But with the lay person, it's like, oh, no.
You know, he's a jerk.
I'm sure she's a delight with anyone.
Yeah.
And yeah, she was great too.
I always heard great things.
She's amazing.
Are you nice to the dancers?
Am I nice to them?
Yeah, you would.
Too nice to everyone.
You're obviously number one on the call sheet, right?
No, I make sure.
Yeah, because a lot of times I'll find out afterwards or something in the past.
They'll be like, yeah, it's crazy because none of the dancer's shoes fit.
And I'm like, what?
Like they did that whole performance and the shoes don't fit.
So now moving forward, I'm always like, get the right shoes or else you're fired.
Like as a stylist.
Oh, I thought you were telling the fucking.
No, I'm like, get my dancers correct shoes and never let them be like high heels so they're
not miserable.
Wow.
I mean, how long?
Oh, there's an Asian one.
And I always go to them too and I go, do you like your outfits?
You know, like, do you like what you're wearing?
Because I don't want them to be uncomfortable.
You could see it.
How long do these take though?
What, the days?
Yeah.
It was a good long day.
Just one day you shoot.
One day, yeah.
And that's it.
Yeah.
That's amazing.
Two cost twice as much, you know.
Right.
I've been in two music videos.
I had the one in Korea.
I did one for the Wonder Girls in Korea.
You could do what I want.
I would love to.
I did an Eminem video.
Yeah.
Oh, shit.
And that's it.
And, you know, they, they're grueling days.
Yeah.
Even if you're barely in it.
But it, like, some days, like, so made you look was a terrible day because everything
went wrong.
Like, we rented a house and there was no air conditioning.
It was the hottest day of the year.
Like, happened to be that day.
So we were all like miserable and nothing went well.
And I had to do a reshoot.
So I cried really hard that night.
But this day, everything went perfectly.
And I was like, I'm a princess.
You are a princess.
And I'm supposed to be doing this.
And I, my whole family there, Justin was running the playback.
And he had his little tower.
Yeah.
Yeah.
My dad was there.
My mom was there.
My.
Do you, do you, I don't know this for, I don't know how people do it.
But do you lip sync?
Or do you actually sing?
Yeah.
Some people sing.
Really?
And I'm like, that's embarrassing.
Even for, like, TikTok, some people will be next to you.
I'm like, I'm like, you don't have to do anything.
Oh, so you just go.
Yeah.
I just go like hot girl face.
I was like, I, when I sing, I'm not pretty.
Like I close one eye and I'm like, you know, like, that's what I look like.
I like it.
You know, remember on tour, I would take pictures.
And I'd like, one eyebrows always up.
It's insane.
So in the music videos, I'm like, just be pretty.
Just be soft.
Just be pretty.
You know.
What?
You edit too, no?
Edit what?
Like, do you edit the videos?
Yeah, I sit there.
Right.
You sit there.
And also do you see playback, right?
Yeah.
Immediately.
I don't see it anymore until I'm like, lighting is great.
Let's go.
See, what a position.
Because when you're on a show, you don't get to see shit.
Oh, that's why they're like, you should be an actress.
I'm like, I might hate my life.
And they could like choose the take that you like.
Yeah.
They always choose the wrong one.
Yeah.
That's the one where I fuck up the line.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
They don't know.
You know what I mean?
I looked right into the camera.
They fucking chose that one.
That's why you're going to make your own shit.
You know, I'm beginning to think that I might be done with Hollywood.
Where are you going?
That's also not bad.
I think that I'm going to just maybe do my own thing.
Maybe pursue music.
Pursue some music.
You know, and I want to concentrate on my stand up.
I want to build Tiger Belly to be bigger.
We'll figure that out.
What help you?
Thank you.
But I think I'm going through a real life change right now.
I like this.
75 hard.
75, yeah.
75 hard.
I think perfect timing.
Maybe.
And I'm going to find the woman of my dreams if I haven't found her already.
You know what I mean?
Are you confusing her?
I'm so lost.
Here's what's hard.
What's happening with you lately?
Where's what's hard?
I love her so much.
So it's just the idea that she's following with somebody else is now dreading, dreadful.
Well, no.
Last two weeks ago, he sat me down and basically said, you're forbidden to ever get married.
Uh-uh.
I will not survive this news.
And I'm like, are you okay?
I'm okay.
Well, you're going to get married to somebody right now?
No, I'm not.
Thank God.
But what I'm saying is lately the last time we won't go to the wedding.
Thank you.
Don't go to the wedding.
Why are you shaking your head?
It's a joke.
I want to talk to you.
Are you?
You're crying.
I'm going to make silly.
Your eyes are watering.
I'll tell you what.
I'll tell you what.
I've had a hard month and she's been by my side and she's been a rock for me.
All right.
And not everyone has.
I want you to be with me because I mean that because no, no, I have anything about you for
you.
No, it's not what you do for me.
It's the love that you give.
You're a love rock.
I have a love rock.
Yeah, it's a love.
And I've said that to Andrew Santino too, where I've looked at him and I go, you know what,
I just love you because you're, you're on board and I'm on board with you.
We're on board with you.
And you, yeah, and I'm on board with you and you need those people in your lives.
Yeah.
Okay.
But I am allowed to get married.
You get married.
Fine.
And you should be happy.
You should be happy.
You should be happy.
I'll go to the wedding.
You should officiate.
You should officiate.
I'll be the officiator.
You should be a katana.
Yeah.
And then I'll just.
You'll get the flower, the flower thing.
Oh yeah.
Flower shield.
Yeah.
And then maybe, can you katana while you're hot?
I'll do a double katana hang.
Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know what I'm going to look like, remember in Silence of the Lambs when he escapes and
he put one of the fucking guards with all his guts hanging out and there's a glow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to do that.
One of those.
Okay.
That's a good one.
I'll go see that.
That's a statement.
You know what babe?
I want you to.
Babe.
Love her babe.
I want you to find love of your life.
Okay.
Thank you.
I appreciate that.
And I'm going to stay celibate for the rest of my life.
He's so dramatic.
I'm a dramatic guy.
He's so dramatic.
Yeah.
I've dated way more than me since we've broken up.
That's fact.
Really?
Oh my God.
How are you doing it?
Because you got weight listed on Raya.
Okay.
Well, you know what?
No, no, no, no.
I put it.
I put it December 16th on accident.
My birthday is the 17th.
I was in Australia when I applied it.
I think that's messed it up.
It messed it up.
You're not on Raya?
You've got to deny it my guys.
I got one in your face.
Wait.
Someone could just confirm you.
We don't know anyone at Raya.
Maybe someone sabotaged.
Here.
I'm on Raya.
I can confirm you.
Maybe it's not meant to be.
I have some hints.
Make it meant to be.
I think you should have Raya people.
Honestly, for a girl, Raya is pretty ew.
It's ew.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
As a guy too.
It's ew.
Yeah.
I'm with you.
It's not meant to be.
It's not meant to be.
Maybe I don't need to be on the app.
Yeah.
Also, it's just kind of all of the same type of dudes with all of the same kind of pictures.
Everyone has a burning man picture.
Everyone has a picture of them.
He won't.
It's very, will you look at his hinge account?
Can I see it?
Can I see it?
Yeah.
I'm embarrassed.
I'm embarrassed.
I saw it.
I'm banned from now five dating sites.
He is.
Wrong age.
Wrong age?
I changed it for plenty of fish.
Just lie.
You want plenty of fish for Christians?
No.
That's not plenty of fish.
Look at that.
Crish.
Fish.
Plenty of fish.
Plenty of fish.
Is that not a Christian site?
No.
Which one is that?
It's one of the original dating sites.
I just got banned off of that.
Those sites.
I'm so married.
Yeah.
What did you get?
Yeah.
Oh, Christopher walking over here.
I'm so embarrassed.
Oh, no.
I'll show you mine.
I'll show you mine.
Oh, my doctor responded.
I'm going to show you mine.
What do you say?
Did it stop?
Yes.
You know what?
Good doctor.
Great question.
Great question.
Okay.
So this is my profile.
What do you think?
Super cute.
That's exactly what you look like.
But you have a haircut now.
But you look adorable.
Super cute.
Yeah.
I'm going to be like, absolutely.
He's so nervous.
He's so self-conscious.
Rip him apart.
Teach him a lesson.
But is this cringy?
Let me see.
No, it's dope.
You have a dope life.
I don't think you should put any celebrity one.
I have to do one.
I like that one.
You want to take it down?
He had one with Logan Paul.
Do one.
Do one.
I still have it.
Logan.
What's up?
Logan.
Best friend.
Best friend.
Cowboy.
Cowboy's great.
Just do it.
Do you.
Let the love you feel enough for the fame.
Okay.
Here's what I'll say about yours, Ryan.
It's cute.
Love the cold plunge stuff.
Another shirtless mirror selfie.
It's a great way to put your body out there that you worked hard for.
You're proud of.
Love it.
Relax your shoulders.
I would remove.
Jesus Christ.
I would remove the bathroom selfie pic because for me, automatically, I'm out.
Let me see it.
Let me see the bullet battle.
I was like, what is this?
Bro.
Bro, that fucking gross.
I know.
I'd be like, oh.
So look at the house.
Ryan, breathe.
Ryan, just breathe.
You know what I mean?
Look at my spacious fucking house, right?
He doesn't live there.
It's a lie.
That's cute.
That's cute with a kid.
I said, hold up.
Can I please explain myself?
Can I please explain myself?
Breathe.
Dude, this is a red flag.
It's golfing.
Golfing.
No, no, no, no.
Ryan, your nightmare.
Tall white guy that golfs.
I know I'm sorry.
I'm so sorry.
Take it off.
I'm so sorry.
So we had Drew Afwalo on the podcast.
I loved her.
I wanted her to really rip my hinge up.
I added that last minute, the body shot.
You did?
Yeah.
I swear to God.
I swear to God.
First of all, it was paused.
The hinge was paused.
I un-posed it for that.
How do we know?
There's no poo for this.
Whatever.
Exactly.
So I added that last second just to be like, let's add a little douche-iness so she could
say something funny.
But then she didn't really roast me that much.
She didn't really roast me that much.
She didn't really roast me that much.
It'd be nice to you, maybe.
It'd be nice.
Yeah, I wanted her to really.
So what you said makes the most sense.
And that may be their guys with mirror selfies that are good people.
I don't know.
I don't know.
I don't know.
Wake the wireless.
No, because I always just assumed like, oh my gosh, like I always just like, it's an
automatic X for me.
I know.
It's bad.
It's bad.
I will say my husband's Instagram was so embarrassing.
How?
How so?
He had like, when we went on our first day, I sent his Instagram to my bros and was like,
this guy's a loser, like he was like singing with like a girl and the song had an F word
in it.
And he was like, no, no, no, no, fuck this.
And I was like, I was like, it's rebellious.
I like it.
I was like, I'm going to make fun of this guy.
Yeah.
It answers our life.
I will make fun.
He didn't have pictures of like him in a suit or whatever, but it was just like, like, adorable
dorky Daryl.
And I was like, this is not my type.
And then in person, I was like, oh, you're like way cooler than your social media.
And then the second, the second we started dating, which was that night, I was like, we're
going to fix that, you know, and now his Instagram is very cool.
Did you like him at first?
He called him a squid.
He grew, he grew on me like a squid would.
He grew.
I was like, oh, I'm smart.
They're going to love him because he's our childhood hero.
Squid said feelings.
No.
Once I learned more and more about him each day, I know, oh, I understand the why you
are the way you are.
Yeah.
And he also he bet he bettered my life.
If he's a squid, you're a cockroach.
Yeah.
No, I was in Bursna and he had such a big heart and he taught them to find their feelings.
I take that back.
I take it back.
That was harsh.
That was harsh.
By the way, both seriously fucking cool creatures, one, you can live without a head for like
20 days.
Cockroaches can do that.
And squid, I think like the Humboldt squid has like one of the most complex like central
nervous system in eyeballs ever.
Yeah.
And they have brains on their tentacles.
Yeah.
That they can never knew that they can think.
Wow.
Yeah.
Both cool.
One day he asked there, Justin, like you wanted to connect with him more.
He was like, let's go get Margarita's down the street.
And Justin's like, don't ever let him ask me to go get drinks with him ever again.
And I was like, whoa, whoa, whoa, your attitude.
Were you high?
You were high, huh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Whoa.
He's not used to like adults being like, let's go hang out.
Do you like him?
They were like, you love him, right?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, so you thought he was a squid first?
Yeah.
Okay.
He was like, he was like a big like LA opposite, grew up on the opposite side of the world
than us and was like, we meditate and we, you know, we have feelings and we can cry
and they like never cried for 10 years, you know?
So they were like, no, like we would play beer pong and he was like, I'm like, come
on, man.
Wow.
And as I was like, oh, he grew up with a father like I'm so sorry, then I, then I started
to chill out.
So we get a much, it was so, it was tough to watch.
I filmed it.
I had the video.
But one hand behind his back, like it helped and was like, oh, and then she, and she could
see me like downloading that information.
Yeah.
I was like, stop looking at him and judging him.
I was like, I can't help myself.
And he worships them.
We're just, yeah.
Yeah.
He loves them.
He's the nicest guy I've ever met.
Right in the world.
Yeah.
He locks eyes with you and you can tell it's gross.
You know what's funny?
Whitney Cummings at that same party looks at him and she goes, do people ever tell you
like you just look like an asshole?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Darrell.
He will.
Hot calling a kettle black, man.
Yeah.
That's what that is.
And he was like, what the fuck did I do?
He will have a bitch face.
And I'll be like, you look like you hate that.
If he's like not tuned into the conversation, he will kind of.
He hated that conversation.
To be fair, she went on for 40 minutes about nothing.
Did you like that Christmas party?
It was chill.
It was great.
It was a strange one.
It was.
It was a weird one.
Which one?
The food was phenomenal.
It was Tim Dillon's Christmas party.
Yeah.
You and Andrew.
I got to meet Tim.
Oh, we went there.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I think he is one of the funniest guys on planet Earth.
Tim Dillon.
Yes.
By far.
Oh, that's his hero.
He's an animal.
Yeah.
I got him to.
Next level.
When he got sober, I was like, Tim, I never like asked people, this is embarrassing, but
can you do like a voice memo or something, a video for my bro to keep him sober?
And he did.
And he listens to it all the time.
Yeah.
And that's so cute.
And he's going to be a movie star.
Yeah.
Is he?
Yeah.
I mean, I want to throw one out.
You might have to bleep it out, but he's in joke or two.
Yeah.
He sent me a selfie.
You definitely have to bleep that out, but.
Bleep it out.
But he sent me a selfie on that set.
And I was like, oh, fuck.
Yeah.
That's a fucking insane.
It's over.
But his description of it is hilarious.
Because he's like.
He completely.
The director was like, I don't know what you're doing.
But I'm at my wit's end.
And he's like, I don't think I'm going to make the movie.
It was a great experience.
But you told me he was walking was weird with him a little bit and it wasn't like, you
know what I mean?
But walking doesn't seem like somebody's just going to talk to you.
No, you say a fucking word to that.
If I saw him on set, I would just.
I'm looking at the ground.
Yeah.
I would just play Tetris on my phone.
I'm so sorry.
I made eye contact.
Yeah.
Sorry, sir.
And if he said anything to me, I don't think it would be positive.
No.
What do you think he would say?
It'd be like, who are you?
Hey, man, your energy, man, is out of control right now.
I need to back up.
Yeah.
And I'm just playing Tetris on my phone.
I was trying to ignore you.
And even look at you be like, I know you eat beef tacos.
You piece of shit.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
No, no, I go to Monty's.
The hamburger place.
Yeah.
The one that you go to sometimes.
You turned me on to it.
He always fucks my stomach up every time.
Monty's, I know.
It's always a tummy ache.
Can you guys hold on for a second?
I have to take a shit so bad.
What?
Yeah.
I know we're done, but I just want to wrap it up.
Yeah.
I have to take a shit so bad.
I can't hold it.
Yeah, yeah, so the whole time he's been farting, he's been farting through a lens of shit.
A lens of shit.
There's poop particles in my mouth.
There's poop on the mouth.
There's poop on the mouth and I ate it.
I had a poo then.
Yeah.
And then to add fuel to the fire, he puts in a fucking gris pouch, which is only going
to amplify this shit.
His body's ready to explode.
It's tiger belly.
What?
Oh, wait.
You did not wipe.
There's no way.
Did you wash your hands?
You just shit water, dude.
You shit water?
It was so fast.
That's going to change.
I didn't wash my butthole.
I know you did.
I did.
Yeah.
No, I clinched.
That was like faster than my peas.
There wasn't a full poo.
I clinched half and I go later.
I saved it for later.
Why would you ever cut a poo?
You never should do that.
You don't cut poo.
It's bad.
Oh, I've been doing it for years.
I always cut poo.
That's why you and I get along, dude.
Poop a little and save for later.
It's better later.
He had a mission.
He needed to complete it.
Like in the military.
Yeah.
Exactly.
When you're in a foxhole, the enemy is attacking you.
You clinch half poo.
You're talking video games.
It's like Elden Ring.
It's like Elden Ring.
Yeah, it warrants what I mean.
It's like Elden Ring.
You're in the middle of boss battle.
Pause it.
Save it.
Come back to the boss battle.
Exactly, dude.
I really want to talk to you about Elden Ring further because it's a fascinating game
to me.
Go on Twitch and go join him.
I don't know how to do that.
It's okay.
I'll just help you with the game.
Yeah, yeah.
We just come over our house.
You still have the game saved or your- Yeah, it's on my computer.
Because there's certain things I don't know how to use.
Yeah.
I have to remind myself.
Like those golden runes?
I didn't know what they were.
I just collected them.
All the runes.
Yeah, you level up your weapons.
It's just money.
Oh, the runes.
Oh, that's the souls, right?
They're collecting that.
That's how you level up.
Yeah, yeah.
Save those.
When do you leave for Toregan?
Wednesday night.
Why?
Because I was like, well, now we're going to hang out.
Last time you were looking to hang out.
We're going to do it for sure.
We never did.
In three weeks, we're going to fucking do it.
We're just trying to be cool and be like, I want harassed.
We had dinner with Santino and his parents, and I was like, where?
We need Bobby here.
Australia.
It was the greatest time of my life.
Wait, Santino was there for like a month?
Yeah.
When he was in the movie.
Yeah.
We went the same exact time.
Oh my God.
We tried together.
Did you go to Gladiator's house too?
No.
No, no, no.
He told us about it.
He told me the story too, yeah.
Holy shit.
It was exceptional.
Oh, got it.
Yeah, yeah.
What a life he lives.
Yeah.
What a life.
What a life.
What a life.
How about this?
What a life you live.
Yeah.
Different road.
Clenching shits.
Yeah.
A rocky path.
But a road number one.
I'm worried you're getting feces on your mouth.
I know.
Every time you touch the tree.
Hold his hand again.
No, I'm not going to hold his hand.
I won't do it again.
Next time we'll get a mic for you.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
But let me say something to you.
I would really like to get to know you better.
Anyway.
He wants to make music.
Let him produce a song.
Fuck yeah.
He's good.
I have my iPad music.
Maybe I can play you some of it.
Yeah.
We'll make it better.
They really are so like tear, um, like tear jerky.
You should show them some of the good ones.
Some of them make me cry.
They're so beautiful.
But also Andrew and I want to put out an album too.
Maybe we could do.
I don't know.
Andrew's a good singer.
He is.
I can see that.
He's not.
He's really, um, creative when it comes to like finding melodies even because we've
been improvising songs live during the fucking thing and I'm mesmerized by how he can hold
a note and create his own hook lines and stuff.
Okay.
Yeah.
So, you know, not the ability picture that guy doing that.
Well, I know because he's a jock.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
But I kind of fully see it.
Yeah.
No, but you'd be surprised.
Yeah.
You know, speak of the devil.
Um, anything you guys want to plug?
Yeah.
Do it.
The service is bad.
You need Wi-Fi.
You need Wi-Fi.
I'm not on your Wi-Fi.
I can do it with mine.
Yeah.
Um, speak of that cool guy.
My hero.
Well, hold up.
I said, how do you deal with him?
I hate.
He was like, they're ghosts.
They're not real.
Yeah.
And I was like, wow.
I call back.
Well, you got hate.
Yeah.
Really?
Really?
Oh, fuck yeah.
There he is.
Hi.
There he is.
What are you guys doing?
We're talking about you.
Talking shit.
So I was just telling you how great you are and we're going to make music and I was saying
that you can hold a note and everything.
Honestly, after that night that you and I played together, I really think we need to,
I really need, Megan should produce an album for us.
Done.
Yeah.
J-Train.
Well, J-Train will do it.
Yeah.
Are you going to go golf or hang out with your Hollywood friends right now or what?
I'm with my wife.
Well, I'm with my wife.
We're going out to eat soup.
You were literally down the street from your house at Katsuya.
We're going to go Katsuya.
Katsuya.
Like I said.
Katsuya.
He says it all fancy.
Well, I love you and tell, I said hi.
Okay.
Okay.
I love you.
Bye.
I said hi.
Bye.
His wife is amazing.
She's a fast.
She's great.
I was like, whoa, you guys won.
My book, dear future mama pregnancy.
If you're out there alone and you're pregnant and you want to bestie, I'm here for you.
Right.
Right.
I guess I'm still on Twitch.
Go for it.
I pop in a support.
It's a great channel.
Everyone will watch it.
Now he just talks on camera.
He's not good.
You set up then.
It's great.
You're going to love it.
Twitch.tv slash Ryan trainer.
Well, maybe you can help me set up a twitch.
Dude, so many people want to watch you on twitch.
Yeah, but I just, but I just ride around on my horse and elderly.
People pay to watch that.
Yeah.
I would pay.
I would sign up.
Okay.
I only watch him in T-Pain.
JJ, you got anything?
No.
No, what do you want to?
He's never been like, he doesn't, he's not social media.
He just changes, uh, producing him to J.Bird, right?
J.Bird.
J.Bird.
Okay.
Well, that's not really an announcement.
I don't know why.
I got to make it a minute.
What is the show though?
No.
The Nick.
The Nick.
The Nick.
Top tier.
I'll watch the Nick.
What's it on?
Okay.
I'll watch the Nick.
That's the old one you guys watched.
Early 19, 1903.
Cocaine.
Cocaine addicted doctor.
It's.
They start with like, we're going to prove to you that a C-section can happen.
And it.
It's so good.
And is it new?
It's a Sotterberg.
Sotterberg.
It's so good.
They're obsessed.
That's their breaking bad.
I love it.
Well, breaking bad is breaking bad.
But this is a good show.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Yeah, it's not breaking bad.
Okay.
All right.
22 tags.
What's going on?
Anyway, give them the trainers a round of applause.
Thank you so much for coming in.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.
Bye.