TigerBelly - Paul Virzi & The Arizona Time Traveler

Episode Date: October 11, 2023

Paul is out of pocket. Bobby wears a Rollie. Khalyla pays respect. We chat a Brooklyn UFO, full charlie, upstate deer, signature poop, and a 1920s time-traveler.  Download NBA 2K Mobile FREE on the AppStore or Google Play. And use my promo code TIGERBELLY to receive a Scottie Pippen Topaz Tier Card.

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download NBA 2K Mobile Free on App Store or Google Play and use my promo code Tiger Belly to receive a Scotty Pippin Topaz Tear Card. Ooh, what can you? Because it's, come on. Yeah, but a guy like me. Somebody goes like this, nice rollie, dude. And you're like, yeah.

No, but if you back it up, like, yeah. Yeah, but you could do that. You could just like, let people. I don't know what a rollie is. Rolex, have you ever worn a I'm totally pulling. I'm putting a little, a little pull, I'm gonna roll your pull. Yeah, yeah. So a roll. Oh, you called the Netflix, like, too. Yeah, yeah. Wait, you've never worn like any knockoffs? I don't, I don't know the difference

between a real Gucci and a fake Gucci. Really? Yeah, yeah. If it says Gucci, it's Gucci. It's a good slogan. Yeah, if it says Gucci, it's Gucci. But let me ask you something. Yeah.

If you bought a nice pair of Jordans, vintage Jordans, and you found out that they were faked out. Okay. You found out that they were faking everyone's like, complimenting you, you would still wear them? Yeah, because if people think it's real, it's real. Have you ever had Asian woman? No.

Why, racist? No. Hey Paul, tell us what you're racist. Very, very racist. No, I'm a relationship guy, I've been with my wife forever. How long have you guys been together? 20 years. But no, I'm married for 15, two kids.

Wow. Wow. And how old were you when you met her? You want to know what's crazy is when I was in high school, my high school, the girl that I dated throughout high school, I guess my high school student was her best friend at the rival high school that I didn't even know about. Oh wow.

So I just kept hearing about this girl stacey through my girlfriend because they went to the same junior high, but then split high school. That happens. And I just heard, yeah, territory high school. And I just kept hearing about this girl and then me and the girl broke up. And then I was a bus boy at Applebees.

And I started to date the boy at Applebees, and I was started to date the manager at Applebees, and the manager at Applebees was my wife's best friend. So she kept coming, dude. She just kept coming. And then finally, finally, I moved. Wait a second, I have many questions. We have many questions. When she says she keeps coming, she came to the place?

No, no, I kept fucking her. No, no, yeah. She kept physically showing up in my life, and I'm going like, wow, I dated her friend in high school. Now I'm a bus boy at Applebee's, I'm dating the manager, then they were best friends in high school, so she just kept coming. And then I moved to Queens, she moved to Jersey City,

and I tried dating her, because now I'm like, now let's do it. And she kinda was like just friends. She was like, and then I'm going, what the fuck? So we go out for drinks, I try making out with her in a car, she'd be like, yes, but no, she didn't want anything. Why, why, why, why? I think because she just knew my past, I was, you know, when I broke up with the girl

that I was with for a long time, I was a wild kid. But during that wild time, is saying you fool around a lot. Yeah, she knew of me. The O Asian. You had a time period to do it. Did he really get it? I'll never get it.

Actually, no, that's not true. Oh, that's not true. That's not. That's not, no, no, no. No, not a half fee. It was a full on Vietnamese woman. Full on a thing. You're a full on. Hey, full on. You get full on. No, no a half feet. It was it was it was a it was a full on Vietnamese woman Full on no, no not half you said happy. Yeah, yeah, she will blow me a full Charlie. Yeah

Yes, I went full Charlie No, so no, but I was just like a date thing. I was just like, okay, good, good. So I was just kidding about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, you're a good guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you, you know, is there any more questions about that?

We're gonna enter him. We will. We will, let's do the intro first. Okay. I guess what do I begin? You know, I started hearing rumblings about them through my, Bertolina. Oh, okay. Is that his name? Yeah. Yeah. My Bertolina. I don't know if it's Bertolina Bertolina. Yeah. Great guy. You like Mike? Love Mike. One of the best guys.

And he kept pitching me, and I go, I don't know Paul Versey. Yeah, yeah. I don't know him. Well, I'd be, I had heard of you by the number, I don't know him. I'd be in New York, and everyone would be like, when you come out to LA, you got to, you know,

you got to jump on Tiger Belly, and I was like, well, you know, fucking ask him. And Bobby, like we didn't know each other, but here's the funniest thing, is when I first met Bobby, it was this year. This is my favorite day. This is when I liked, because you know you meet somebody, right?

You meet somebody and you're like, I either fuck with this person or I don't, or I'm gonna, or maybe, but then like, he's the one that confused the shit out of me. So I'm sorry. Because I still- Well, I'm a fucking mind-bender, dude. Yeah, dude, I walk into the improv.

So the lady at the improv, so nice to meet you. What's her name? I was out here, Rita. Yeah, yeah, yeah, so So she found out I was coming out. I love you. Give me spot great woman great So she gives me spots and they were like oh, they want you at the improv and everything on the weekend so I walk in before my spot and I Guess Bobby's going before me. I never met him before we just heard of each other

And he's standing by the doorway and I walk in. And I swear to God, he just walks right up to my face and he just goes, hey, Paul Verz, you don't think you're going on before me, okay, because I'm going on now. Okay, so you go on after me. And then when you go on, I'm gonna watch your whole set. I swear to God, that's how I was like,

does this? Yeah, yeah, can I tell you why? You have that energy. Yeah, I just walked in. I know you're bumping energy, dude. I have a walk- You make men with bumping energy, like. I'm gonna walk in. You came in with bumping energy, like I'm gonna go up before Bobby. You know what?

I understand people. I know human nature, dude, my friend. Okay, that's what I read. Okay. This is a gaslighty sitch, you know. I'm a gaslighter. You're changing his reality. I think, all right.

Dr. Strange. I believe you. Yeah, Dr. Strange. Yeah. No, I walked in. Maybe I just walked in. I was like, didn't know where right. I believe you. Yeah, Dr. Strange. Yeah. No, I walked it. Maybe I just walked it. I was like, didn't know where, like I should go. Like I'm just like walking in.

I don't know all these, all these LA comments. I feel like he's just with a lot of New York guys. Yeah, so then he walks up and he was, actually he goes, I'm gonna watch his set and I'm thinking he's just fucking around. So he does his set. I'm going after him. He's up there.

He's killing. Then I go on stage and I'm having a really good set and sure enough, this fucking dude is just standing by the stage watching. And then afterwards he's sitting at a table, he was sitting at a table, walked out and you go, hey dude, you're really funny dude, you're the real deal that was great, who sit down and talk. And then we start talking and hitting it off. And then this is where it gets weird. He goes, you want to see my dick? Bro, I don't do that anymore. He goes, do my dick and green. Yeah. That's out of pocket.

Okay. Oh my gosh, that's not safe. Yeah, yeah. Only where I know from the youth. You can say it so well. I know, that's out of pocket, dude. He goes like this. I, it's out of pocket.

It comes out, he's like really nice complimentary in my set, saying I'm funny, we're sitting on talking, and I go, hey, just so we start hitting it off. And then all of a sudden, I just go, yeah, when you come to I go, hey, just so we start hitting it off. And then all of a sudden I just go, yeah, when you come to New York, man, you got to come up state because me and you honest, because me and you honest slip and he just gets up and he just goes, and I go, what? He takes his jacket off and he slams it down and he goes, you dick up in a fucking come up state and I go, what the fuck?

Yeah. And I go, you go, I'm not going to come and go up to the fucking woods when I come to New York. When I come to New York, I'll fucking hang out with like Andrew Schultz in the city. I'm not going upstate to hang out with you and you and your honest in the woods. And then I was like, this guy wants to fight me. That's out of pocket. I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go,

is that out of pocket? That's out of pocket. All right, I was out of pocket then. I go, this guy wants to fight me and then he just got super nice again and we text. And then the next night, we were the next, but then you did this, this was another great one. So the next night I'm in there.

And he goes like this, he goes, he goes, fuck man, he goes, I gotta follow you tonight. That's what he said. And all of a sudden, I'm like, all right. And then he walks up into the green room, and he goes, hey dude, I didn't do this, but they switched us. And he goes, and he goes, and he goes,

and he goes, they switched us, but because I gotta get outta here, I'm gonna go and then I go I go all right, you know, if that's what you want to do and then he just started laughing and then and then it was all good and then we were texting and it was all we switch. Yeah, we switched you went before me too. You asked so you went before me you went before me you went before me both.

Did you ask to be switched? No, it was a look at me right now. Yeah, look at you right now. Look at the camera. There's a dilemma. I you me right now. Yeah. I'm looking at you right now. Look at the camera. There's a dilemma. I, you know, sometimes at nights, right? Yeah. You have what do you call it?

You have conf, schedule conflict. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right? Of course. Right. I had a schedule for a conflict. Yeah, yeah. I would never go to the fucking pepper.

Look at the camera and say you have it. I would never go to the, which was on my camera? Yeah. This one? Yeah. I would never go to the fucking pepper. Look at the camera and say you never go to the, which was on my camera? Yeah. This one? Yeah. I would never go to the poker and go, hey dude, switch me and Paul, because that'd be hilarious.

And then when he walked up on the green and we said it, and he started laughing when he told me, but it was all good. And then, Did you think that was funny? Or what'd you think? Or did you think it was sabotage? No, no, when you first came in and you go,

hey dude, don't think it's me. When you started it like that, that's how he started it. That's how he started. He goes, look dude, don't think it's me. I just want you to know, it's not me. But they switched me and I'm sorry, I know that happened. And I'm just going like, no, it's fine.

And then he was like, I'm welcome to LA. Then he's like, I got, but you know what? What? He's just a weasel. That's fucking crazy talk. You's just a weasel. That's fucking crazy talk. You think I'm a weasel? You're weasel-y. I have tendencies.

I have weasel-tendency, but I'm not a full-blood. I'm not poly. Yeah, but you are. It's poly. He's a weasel. He's the weasel. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, but I have tendencies.

But I thought it would have been funny. I think that's why I did it. Yeah. Right, because you thought you're gonna go performing it, and I thought it would have been funny. I think that's why I did it. Yeah. Right, because you thought you're gonna go performing it and I switched the fucking script on you. Yeah. Right. I just wanted to get the fuck out of there.

Did you really? Was it the belly room? No, no, we would do it at the improv. No, oh, I switched it at the improv. I switched it at the improv. I don't think I have the power to do it there. Well, you definitely got switched. We were right there.

I don't. Yeah, we were. Wow. So, let me, okay. We were right there. I was. Yeah, we were. Wow. So let me, okay, so about the forest then, okay? Yeah. Let's talk about the forest. We wanted you up, we want you up there. And ask Yannis this.

Yeah. I was in New York, the last time I was in New York. I called Yannis and I go, I'm ready to go the forest. You guys were not available for it. Oh, let's probably schedule that. The forest is closed. The forest. No, because we want to take you to restaurants up there, so you know how much better being out of New York City

is because New York City is a fucking worst, I think. Wow. And it's the worst thing. Oh, in terms of food, there's no way. Oh, no, no, no, no. New York City food is incredible. We have great, but I'm just saying up there. But you think you're taking me to a restaurant in the woods

that's gonna be better than New York City? Yeah, you're fucking mine. We have three restaurants up there that are as good. Wow. So we'll sit down there that are as good. Wow. So we'll sit down and die and hang out. You'll see some deer and shit. You know, you'll see some wildlife. We're up there an hour away, beautiful.

But how hard is it? You're in the woods, right? How hard is it to get in the city and do things? I'm not a hunk, dude. David Letterman's my neighbor. I'm not in the woods. I almost had a car, by the way. Hey, jogs, and I almost hit him. Oh really?

Yeah, we don't we don't have I know to could you imagine I fucking honked are you Mother and it looked and it was just him was just fucking beard. You know what I imagine the movie we're in the scene in signs Yes, yes, you're more signs. Yeah, they kept flashing back to win to the wife to the wife pinned against the Hint against yeah, yeah, and she gets things out like she's got a sick head Tell someone to swing. Yeah. What if you had that with David Letter? Yeah, you know what you would think?

I would just give your careers over. I would just go. Ha ha ha ha ha. Top 10 reasons why you shouldn't kill fucking David Letterman in your car. That's a top 10 reasons. Top 10 reasons. Yeah.

I don't know. Wait, let's, I do wonder, like, is your career over when you run David Letterman? If I hit him with the car and he lived, it would probably be good. But if I hit him with the car and he died, I do, that's a deal. I can't be like, hey, watch my Netflix special,

I'll be, actually, my Netflix special would probably take off. If I think so too. Yeah, but then I can't, when am I going to do after that though? You have to do David Letterman material, like you have to talk about it. Yeah, I think if he died is less than if he lived. Yeah, if he lived, he could talk about it. Exactly.

Maybe not. I see. I see. Maybe not. You know? He gets like, you know what I mean? Yeah, traumatic TBI. Yeah. Yeah.

Wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, when we say woods, we're just in a nice country neighborhood, an hour from the city and it's beautiful. Well, you talk, because the pitch that you had before that was that there's deer. So my mind, it's like, I don't see deer. Wait, we have deer here. You see? Oh my God. that was that there's deer. So my mind is like, I don't see deer. Wait, we have deer here.

You see? Oh my god, all the golf courses right by where I hike, where the Vermont Canyon tennis courts are, there's deer, coyote, everything. Okay, let me just say something to you, all right? It's a middle of LA, Bobby. Okay, I wanna say something. I'm just saying from my own experience, right?

Living in LA for 25 fucking years, I've never seen a fucking thing. Well, you don't leave the house. But it's fine. But here's a thing, me and we get the deer, like me and Janis were in my backyard, a deer walked up to us, walked up to us. Yeah, and we started feeding it,

and we started feeding it, I started feeding it, graham crackers and Doritos and shit. I'm not joking. Yeah. And there's nothing funnier than when you hear a dear crunch, a Dorito. You know, really?

Oh, I swear to God. And then the daughter came, because you'll never see a buck. You'll never see the males. The males know it's hunting, they're not there. But the mothers and the young, the young, the fun, they come up, and then when they find out, they just, they all come and they're like, no, is it legal to kill them?

If it's on, if it's on my property and I had a rightful, I don't know if I would get in trouble if it was being aggressive and I shot it or if it was walking towards me, but you're not supposed to shoot them. Yeah, so, so you fed it to Rito's the deer. Yeah, we fed it to Rito's, we feed it stuff. Yeah. But Janis was a Brooklyn kid for like 40 years. And then he moved up because of me because him and his girlfriend would visit us. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I don't think she's gonna come, because she's a long island. Long Island people don't leave. Long Island people are like, they stay in Long Island.

It's like, they really, you're just like, never leaving, but she like fell in love with it up there. So they moved up there, but he never saw. Like when people from the city come over and see like five deer, five feet from them, it's like they're serving a UFO. They're like, they just, I had this Puerto Rican kid, this Dominican kid, you know, Vladimir Camano,

he's a comic. He's a Russian too? He's Dominican. No, his father named him that because of something like that, actually, because of some fucking, he named him Vladimir, but his name is Vladimir Camano. Funny comic. He's always at the stand and I go, he's Dominican.

And I go, come up and he saw a deer in my backyard and he's from the Bronx, he's Dominican from the Bronx. And he's looking at a deer. I swear to God. He's going he's going You serious Yo, you serious you serious right now You serious right now like he's still like aliens came Wow when people from the city see that shit. Yeah, they're not brook honest is Brooklyn I imagine you had a koala on a tree too

This is Brooklyn 4th. Imagine you had a koala on a tree too. You're serious? You fucking serious, that only in Australia. You're serious? I got a kangaroo on my magic yard. What if it was like all these animals are popping out of the bushes? Like a meerkat.

You're serious? Are you serious? Are you a friend now? That would be amazing. Speaking of UFOs, like, didn't am I wrong? Was it you whose dad saw UFO? Yeah, and then they actually,

so when I went on, when I went on Rogan, that's the first thing you, what? We just talked about signs. I know, I know, I just, I just, it's just ridiculous, but, what? You're an alien guy, I thought. Oh yeah, you're so pro alien.

No, I just, no, there's just, let me just, you serious? No, you serious, you serious? Oh, you serious? Yeah, you go, you're so pro alien. No, I just let me just let me just you So let's let's rewind back a little bit. Yeah, say that again So let me get this straight what I heard. Yeah, what I heard was your father. Yes saw An alien no, okay Saw an alien. No. Okay. Alright, move on. Let's move on. NBA 2K Mobile game on your phone. You guys, I am so excited about season six of NBA 2K Mobile.

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Yep. Guys, download NBA 2K Mobile Free on the App Store or Google Play and use our promo code Tiger Belly to receive a Scotty Pippin Topaz tier card. Okay. Here's what. Here's what happened. promo code Tiger Belly to receive a Scotty Pippin Tophas tier card. Okay, here's what here's what happened. So when I went, I was so silly. You say UFO, right? Yes, you know,

so when I got on, when I went on Rogan, the first thing he said when we opened the show, he said, tell me about the UFO. So 1973, my mother is pregnant with my older brother. My grandmother, aunt, and mother start calling my father outside. Tommy, you got to come out and see this. Now, this is over the Bronx and Yonkers, 1973. And there is literally within throwing distance. There is a disc in the sky,

bluish kind of hue, silent, because they don't make noise, whatever. And my dad's looking at this fucking thing, and everybody's looking at this thing going, holy shit. Now, my father mind you is, whatever you picture an Italian from the Bronx, just fucking old school, you know, that's my father times 10.

Okay. My father comes in here, you would be like, what, it's like a show, you would be like, he's in character for a movie. Like he's coming in, he's a stereotypical. No, if he walked in here right now, you'd be like, he just came off set. Wow.

That's what it looked like, that's what it looked like. Yeah, like that's it. Okay, you know, over the top. Over the top. Get about it. Oh, yeah, by the boom, by the being. Still can't believe a bomb was president. That Italian.

That Italian. That Italian. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't know that you could have that eye. Yeah, oh, yeah. Oh, fuck. Yeah. You believe that eight years ago?

Oh, no. Okay. That, that, that, that's how, that's how Italian. Yeah. So my dad, my dad could never, if my set up my Netflix special, if my dad was a comic, he'd be canceled halfway through his first joke. They would just take the mic out,

halfway through the first bit, it would just drag him outside to turn it around. Yeah, he would be canceled, he'd be on the list. So he always thought that people that saw UFOs were nuts. And he would be like, they want attention, they're in the Midwest, they're hillbillies, they're nuts. Right, so he always told me and my brother and my mother, who's religious, she said yes.

And then after the story goes, he saw it and he's thinking to himself, I can actually, like that's close, I can hit that with something, then he freaked out because he thought it could be like reading his mind, so he goes inside, and he comes back out and then they look, they're all looking at it. And within one second, it turned into a star in the sky,

right? It turned into a dot. And they were blown away. My father says to this day, he wishes he never saw it because he knows when he saw that. Everybody there, but then when I was on Rogan, you know the way Rogan has Jamie that producer pulled shit up. They pulled it up and I got a ton of messages

because that night hundreds and hundreds of thousands of people over the Bronx and Yonkers saw it. And then Rogan's thing pulled up and said that, yes, it was there and it turned into a dot in the sky. And if fucking goosebumps. And if freaked, if freaked. But here's the funniest part. My father, before my parents got divorced,

because they had a brutal divorce when me and my brother were young. But before that, my father was kind of a big wig at AIG in the city insurance. And they had a big party at the headbosses mansion in Long Island. And this is 1973 mind you. Okay. So my mother is socializing, drinking, having a good time.

And she goes, Tommy, get over here. Tell everybody about the time you saw the flying saucer. And my dad goes, no. Are you fucking nuts? Yeah, yeah. I'm going to get fired because I'm going to think I'm a cook. Wow. And my dad goes, no. Are you fucking nuts? Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna get fired because I'm gonna think I'm a cook. Wow.

But that, my father has never changed the story. Then, Janice was so interested and Janice went up to my mom. Well, my mom's Greek, so Janice fucking loves it. Yeah. And my mom's very religious and you know, that kind of goes against, and she's told Janice, she's like, yeah, no, that's exactly what we saw, but so many people that night saw it. But now people are seeing UFOs like the Jet Blue Flites,

and now everybody sees it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've never seen one. Yeah. Have you seen one? Yeah, like when, I don't know if it was like a UFO, but it's something that we couldn't identify at that time, but like when we were younger,

we were, my family, I went to a cemetery to, you know, for pay respects. To who? My grandpa, a lot of them, a family buried. So, are some of the terriers there for? I don't want to be lying. I went to pay respects. To!

Yeah, I just want to be lying. I need to ask questions. So, your grandpa did mom. Mike, a lot of people. A lot of people. Oh, you want to leave them to you? You want to leave them to you? You want to all the tombstones and go,

I'm missing, I'm missing, I'm missing, I'm missing. They're all buried on top of each other. You can buy a lot. I'm kidding, you're kidding. Let's go, move on. Dittadina. Uncle Nilo, Lola, Lolo Epe, how many more? I'll call one of them. I'll pile up all the other stuff.

I'll rest their souls by the way. Thank you. You're right. You're right. Well listen, I mean, I can't keep hearing names and that's everything. I mean, I can't keep hearing names. I apologize. That was my, I was out of pocket.

I'm not, I'm not one. I was out of pocket, I'm not one. So, we saw like a weird light formation. That didn't look like a plane and all of us saw it. And then it just disappeared in the Philippines. In the Philippines. But then again, we just didn't know what it was. It could have been a Frisbee.

A Frisbee? Yeah, some Australians are on vacation. They just throwing a frisbee. It was high up in the sky and it stayed there for a while, lingered. It did? And it turned into a little dot like his? It was like Barbation. Yeah, and it just sort of like went away. It was a up in the sky and it stayed there for a while. Lingard. It did. And it turned to a little dot like it was like. It was like Barbation.

Yeah, and it just sort of like went away. It was a lot of times. But let me ask you something, Paul. Yeah. Have you seen one? I have not seen one. Either have you, George, have you seen a, be real flying saucer? No, but my cousin Doug said he did.

Or I don't know your cousin Doug did. Yeah, you do. Oh yeah, I like him. You definitely know. I do know. I love him. He's a good guy. But what about the commercial airline pilots?

I see them. They see them all the time. They're tired. I mean, they're tired. But the passengers film them too. I've seen a bunny wrap in space. It's a cloud, but they make formations. You really don't believe in alien life.

I just don't It's one of those things where it's like I have to see it for myself. Your favorite movie assigns Yeah, I love that movie all of it. That movie doesn't make any sense now Why we know like about it. Do you see signs? Yeah, did you like it? Yeah? I liked it. Okay, the scariest one was it the fourth kind. You know, I like Kunis, the Mala Kunis, Mila Jovovic. You, you, when we were in it. Oh, I saw that, but I saw that. I like all those movies.

But I'll tell you what my problem with science is. Okay, here's my problem with science. Yeah. They know the aliens are there, right? So what do they do? They decide to stay in the house, right? What do they do? They stay in the house, right? What do they do? They board up the house, right?

Aliens are coming, right? Yep. What are they here in the distance? They're fucking dog. That's right, they left a dog outside. You leave your dog? Yeah. You deserve to get murdered.

Yeah, I think so, I think he's right. And I agree with that. You can hear the dog being killed at that. Yeah. I mean, they had all that. Totally good. It's not like they were in a rush either. Did you do the sound effect? I know. It's fucking per all you know, I use a little bit of China. That's how we for dinner, you know, but anyway, they had time. They had time to go get that dog. Yeah. They had all the time to get that dog. Dude, how do you not think of the dog too?

I think about it. Also, the dog is like such a crucial part of staying alive, I think, because he could probably sense things before you can. I would have chose the dog before my own son. Like, I'd board up the house and I'd hear my son going, dad, he's outside still. And the dog's with me. You know what I mean? Like, the dog would even come first before my can, I think.

You can't leave the dog. Yeah, you can't leave the dog there. No, yeah, yeah. But the one state, and I rewatched it, and I went, I don't understand how I let that go watching in the movie theater. Right, he also watched Narcos, the original Narcos, and there was one scene where someone killed his cat,

and you were out. I'm out. Did you see Don't Fuck With Cats? Yeah, we did. That fucked me up, dude. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up.

That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up.

That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. That fucked me up. can harm an animal. Like, to me, it's like that's death penalty. Really? Oh, dude, if you heard an animal, like a defenseless animal, dude, fuck you.

What about hunters? That's different. Why is that different? I'm talking, but trophy hunting? No. You're outdone with that. These dudes that like show them holding a leopard and shit. Safari, yeah.

Yeah, like that's bullshit. That's bullshit. No, somebody, listen, the deer are over popular, because I used to ask people, I go, how could you shoot a deer? I can't do it. I'm not built for it. I shot a bird when I was 13 and it died

and I started crying. Pussy. And I was like, yeah. I can't die. You know what? You can probably, I was the thing was gasping for, I was like, you're right, you're right, you're right. I can't do it.

I can't do it, but they are over-populated and there are too many of them. And if you eat the deer meat, that's different. Yeah, that's different. 100%. But people going out just like easily shooting a lion or an elephant because like you're rich and they put you in a park where it's easy to do it,

that's bitch shit. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. You know what they did in the fucking 50s? They would tie two cats together by the tail and then put them over clothes hanger like a wire right and then they would just kill themselves each other. Wait that's what Richard Cookelyn's skated. Oh that's alright. That's what I wasn't people in the 50s. Oh

that's what he real killer. How did you kill that? Yo he just picked the decade. So he just picked the eight because you know what I did in the late 30s. Yeah, one serial killer. He literally called him the Iceman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was a serial killer. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, yeah, how awful is that? It's terrible. It's terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's fucking off. Do you have that do you have pets? I have three cats upstairs What we have seven together. We have four dogs together. What yeah, cuz you know We used to live here and then she lives down the street now

So I'm with tonight. I'm gonna go visit the dogs and hey out with her. So wait you have you have four dogs We both do thank you and right the four dogs live staying down. And then you have the three cats here. Yeah. Ah. It's better for the road for me with cats. Yes. It's easier to maintain. Right.

Right. But the good dogs have to walk them inside. Are they much mixes or are they here breads? They're all broken. They're all broken. They're well known. They were because I foster a lot of dogs. They were dogs that were unadoptable,

either for behavioral issues. but we love them. I'm trying to get one, but my wife is, we have one, we have a rescue from Aruba, he's the best. Look how he's the best. He's actually, they call him Arubaian Kanuko. Oh yeah. So he's amazing, but it took him, no, his name's Lloyd. Oh, Lloyd is such a cute name.

His name, Lloyd's the best. I thought you could name him Arubaian Kanuko. It was like the long name. I'm not sure. Come on, Ruby on Kunoko, come on. A Ruby on Kunoko, I'm not sure. I got it. Not now.

I couldn't have heard that. I'm pretty good. But he took a long time to get good. Like I'd be on the road in Chicago, my wife would go, you gotta get a friend to get him because they're like, they run wild in Aruba, and they're killing like 200 of them a month in a kill shelter, because they're just running.

So they found my dog and his brother in a dumpster when they were six weeks old. And they're beautiful. So people teamed up with people in New York and Connecticut, they tourists bring them. We have them at 18 months, he turned to the best, but now I want a dog and now I'm trying to get my wife, and I think she's gonna, I

think she's gonna go, but I want big and she wants small so we're gonna meet halfway. Get a small. Smalls are so good. I like to fuck around with it. You can fuck around with a small one. I like big and small. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I wanted a great day.

Oh my god. I think I live on this one. I want you to just call. I want you to just call. I don't have anything in mind. Yeah. Whatever you see and you feel your heart. Yeah, that's the one.

Yeah. Maybe like a candy corso or something. Those are no joke. Is this really a massive, yeah. You go a lot. Yeah, see that, yeah. So what really hurt me is the two cats, the two cats are real bugs.

That you? Yeah, the two cats died. Fuck. Oh, you had two cats, they look like twins. They died? They were real brothers, they died. Stanley was on the right. He just went a few months ago.

He was 18 and a half. And Thomas, the one in the middle, he died at 16 and a half. And that fucked, dude. Bringing them, that really fucked me up, man. That was the hardest thing. And then they put me in a room with them. And they let me just hold them. And they were like, you take the time,

and I'm like, I don't know. And then she goes, when you're ready, just ring the bell and we'll come in. And I go, what is it? What was it, get it ready? And I was like, no, no, no, like, when they're about to be put down, before they put them down, you can go in

and just kind of spend time with them. And dude, if, I couldn't even, dude, if, and then I can't even, well, I can't. Pussy. I got you back. You should have had it.

You should have. I thought that was out of pocket. But wasn't. Now, Lloyd is on the left and he's seven and he's awesome. Does he have a GPS tag on him? No, he's got the, it's because we have, there's so much land back there. Yeah. That he has the boundary. So, but he's seven and he's awesome. Does he have a GPS tag on him? No, he's got the, it's because we have, there's so much land back there that he has the boundaries.

So, but he's afraid of it. So, it'll beep like five feet before he gets there and he's even afraid of the beep. So, he won't even, he's all good, just when he's in the yard. Oh, he's so cute. Oh, he's a bad. Yeah, but let me ask you something,

why can't he go beyond the boundaries? Because there's just too many woods, too many wild animals. Okay, what is the, a wild animal in New York woods that are scary? All right, so my wife's garden was completely ransacked by a bear. And the thing pulled the bars, the thing pulled open the bars like Hulk and went in and fucking out of field agent. Oh my God. Wow. Wow. Yeah, it looked like a robbery. And they're just with, so we don't want him, you know, but bear the dogs.

Bear's a leap. I mean, the mother will, the Cubs won't, but the mother sees a dog and coyotes in packs. Like, you see one coyote, they're afraid. Yeah. You see multiple, they'll kill your dogs. Yeah, yeah. You know, the coyotes here are, they'll just charge. I mean, like, if they're, if you're... They're actor coyotes. Yeah. Like, you're, you're, you're, you're, Lloyd, Lloyd looks big enough that the coyote

probably won't charge, but if your dog is even like, 25 pounds, they'll come for you and then they'll follow you. Like, so when you, I hike a lot here with my smaller dogs. And just when I think I've passed the pack of coyotes, I'm like, okay, I'm safe, you turn around, and they're sneaking up on behind you. I've had friends with leash dogs lose their dogs to coyotes.

Yeah, we had one night the weather was getting crazy and all of these hawks were coming, big hawks, and they just circle around, because they were looking for mice, and they were actually looking at cats. They were looking at our cats, but the cats were too big. Because Thomas was like a 20 pounder,

like they couldn't do, but they actually contemplated. Like Yannis was going, that thing is contemplating, they look. Wow. Yeah, yeah. Well, that's the reason why we didn't end up buying that one out there with Hawk Alley.

Yeah, Hawk Alley, yeah, yeah. Yeah, because there was like a ton of them there. Yeah. Our cats were mean so small. Yeah, but what are they're the fans? What do you mean? What if what? Well, what the hawks, like, let's just think about this.

We assume, just let it joke. All right. We assume these hawks are going to eat your cats. What if he's like, I've never met a cat before. Like, you know, I have a fucking raccoon friend. I see, I have a field mouse friend. I wanna meet a cat, but then, you know, you got, we look up there, you know, you know,

let's try it, but if they're maybe curious. Yeah, that's what I'm saying, dude. Like, in your species friendships. Yeah, I've seen it on YouTube all the time, dude. True. Align with the fucking duck, hanging out. My money's on there, hunting, but. All right, all right. You're, sorry, the odds are their hunting.

The odds are, oh, okay. All right, all right, I don't think he's going, I'm gonna hang out with the fuck. I'm just, I'll ask questions. Listen, you know what, I don't, I, the mind, I don't blame that. You're good for you, I don't blame you for that. Because I believe in things that people think I'm nuts for.

I don't wanna make assumptions. Like what? Like what, yeah. Yeah, all right, yeah, go ahead. All right I don't wanna make assumptions. Like what? Like what, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. Alright, don't fucking threaten me with a good fucking conversation. I think I can get good. Um, I can't.

You guys like, go ahead, what? We're fucking what? What is it? Alright. Alright, you know what? I'll give you, I've never talked about it. Yeah, let's get real. Listen, let's get real.

Okay. Don't go back. Go ahead. It's gonna be good Paul. I never, no, Okay. Don't go back. You're not hurt. It's been a really good Paul. No, no, I was actually gonna, I'm not gonna get out. Never did this on a pod.

I'll tell you guys. Ready? Yes. I believe 80% I believe. I think there's a little bit like the way you are with UFOs. What would you say with UFOs? Your 80% they exist and 20 they don't?

I 100% believe they exist. Okay. I don't think they're like hovering around Brooklyn. Okay. Well, you had it indeed of Brooklyn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I believe in time travel. I believe people have done it.

I believe people have done it. And when I was in Arizona, I think I saw a time traveler. Let's go. And I only talked about it on the VersaEffect. And then the worker, hold on, the worker, the guy that was security at the comedy club in Phoenix, was with me.

So here's how the story goes. What comedy club? CB Live. CB Live in Phoenix, the same guys that own stand-up live, and the one in, what's the o' Tempey, okay? Joel Batchkov. Joel, yes. Joel and Matt Kohn, yes. Yes.

So I'm doing their club and it was like, middle of pandemic, but kind of right when pandemic is starting to lighten, right? And I'm there and there was a table of my fans to the left paying their bill too loud and being disruptive and I only have about 15 minutes left in the set, I'm doing about an hour and 10 and I'm like, guys, dude, you got it? Like I'm trying.

I'm like, guys, what the fuck, there's four of you. And one guy goes, what a verzy man, fuck you were trying to and then it got crazy and the security guy came over and then it got nuts. They stood up, fuck you, no fuck you. So me and the security guy had a bond. Right? I was doing a shi-hat one that I had. It was at the end of the show and it stuck because it was fans and then it turned into

fuck you, Virzy, because they got mad that I go guys, because they were just two of them were obliterated, like just obliterated, right? So I say to the guy, hey, you wanna get a cigar? I like, because that's, you know, that's what I do on the road. I'll go get a glass of- The guy that worked the club, the security. The security that came, yeah.

He's a future person. And I go like, no, no, no, no, no, he's not the future person. He's not the time travel. Okay, okay. He's with me person. And I go like, no, no, no, no, no, no, he's not the future person. He's not the time travel. Okay, okay. He's with me. Thank God, because you guys would be like, this fuck versus that of his fucking mind. All right.

So we go to this, we go to this lounge, and we're sitting there and we're talking comedy. He's telling me stories about people that he's, you know, there's other situations he had at the club. And a dude walks in and he's full on, 20s outfit, right? Full on 20s. And he's got the hat and he's full on 20s outfit, right? Full on 20s, and he's got the hat, and he's got the vest, and he's got the clock, and he's got the shoe,

and he's walking with a limp and a cane. Now mind you, it's about 11 o'clock at night, okay? And he just walks in, and it's just me, and the security guy, and this bartender. And he walks in, and we kinda just look, and I'm just going like, like, your back, where you are now, was the guy I was with, and he's coming that way, so I just go,

dude, there's a fucking dude. I go, look at this, we walk in, and I'm gonna do that mannequin, I do it, I'm not joking, I thought there was a black dude sitting right there for the night. I'm not even joking, that's just freaked me the fuck out, dude. I was like, you got a fucking shy producer? Like, what the fuck is that, dude?

So, so, like, so, we're sitting there and I go, look at this guy, the guy walks up and he's walking with the cane, really good, and but full on 20s. And he walks up to the bar and he goes, hey, how you doing? He does this hat thing. How you doing, gentlemen?

And I go, that's some get up you got there. Oh, thank you so much. And he's talking very, he's talking very like mature, weird, right? Like whatever, maybe this guy's acting, whatever, actor. Well, maybe we went to college. No, no, no, no, no, if very mature, weird, right? Like whatever, maybe this guy's acting, whatever actor. Maybe what to college? No, no, no, no. No one would, if he went to college,

dressed like that, they would have kicked a shit out of him. Okay, okay, okay. So this is different. So he goes up and he asks for a drink in a cigar and the bartender's like, hey, we're closing in 15 minutes. And he goes, oh, okay. And he takes a whiskey and he drinks, and he starts walking away.

Now me and the dude, the dude Adrian were looking, and he goes up the stairs like perfectly with this cane, and he's all dressed and go, hey, take care, and he just walks away into the parking lot and kind of just disappears, right? So, the guy says, I go, what happened with that guy? He goes, dude, that was fucking weird, man. He goes, the bartender goes, that was really,

I go, yeah, it seemed a little, but whatever, we let it go. The guy says, we gotta close, but if you go across the street to the bar, you could sit outside and drink and finish us the guards there. We go there. And now we're sitting there. We're kind of talking about,

and sure enough, we see this guy coming down again. And he's just walking, and he walks past us. And we go, hey, man, hey, we say, he goes, oh, gentlemen, yes, how you doing again? And he's like, like that. So we start talking to him. We're like, what are you doing? He goes, well, I'm a silent actor and I'm also a locksmith.

Or like, he sits in some job. And he goes, yeah, and go, what's up with your limp? He goes, oh, I fell on my gun and during the scene. And I'll go, okay, right? So he's talking, then he takes out a cigar case. This is 1918 or 1920 on it, and it's like a perfectly leather thing, and we're talking to him and he's talking very weird to us,

and then he tried to curse. Hold on, hold on, it gets crazy. I'm cute. You're a face. I'm on board. Okay, but listen, so all of a sudden now, and look, again, I don't know what I saw, but I'm telling you what I felt, okay?

I could tell you what you saw. And he goes, he starts, he tried to curse, and it didn't fit. He said fuck when he was talking to us, and it felt as though it was somebody trying to talk like us, right? And he goes, so he starts, so me and the dude are just talking, we didn't, we go,

we asked his name, he says his name is Jacob, right? He didn't say anything else, we didn't take a picture or nothing. And then he said something like, okay, well, you gentlemen, this and that, and we're talking, and he leaves, and he starts walking. And I put my right as he walks, right? So right now, say right now, he starts walking

at this moment, right? Right now, right now. And I just go, dude, that was weird. The other guy goes, he goes, dude, what the fuck was that? And then the other dude that I was with just looked up, and he goes, Paul, Paul, look at that shit, dude. Look how far he got, dude, he glitched ahead, dude, what the fuck was that? And then the other dude that I was with just looked up and he goes, Paul, Paul, look at that shit, dude. Look how far he got, dude. He glitched ahead, dude.

This motherfucker was 20 cars down in, it was, I looked up, now I let it go after I was at house, like that's a little weird. His name's Jacob, he's a locksmith and a silent or an actor and he's got a limp in the cane, but I looked up and what would have taken any of us for what would have taken us, what would you say, what would you say

if you're walking 10 seconds, you'll get you, maybe four cars down in a parking lot for, looked up, this fucking dude was down and gone. And he's the one that saw it. He goes, Paul, look how far he is. And then I freaked the fuck out. So then I go, dude, that's not normal. This dude, and he was limping, and he had a cane.

So then we went out and timed it. So we went out to the parking lot. His buster? No, not granted. Now granted, now granted, now granted, I'm drunk at the time. Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now I'm drunk at the end of,

like, he's already gone. It's not drunk, but like, I had a butt, so I go, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, That's really, really fucking weird. So then I told the story on the podcast. I FaceTime, the guy that was with me. And I go, hey, I just told the story on the podcast. Did I, I said, did I talk to you before this? He goes, no, I go, go ahead, tell the story. He tells the exact same story that I tell. Then a woman who heard my podcast said

that she was in Arizona and she said, she saw a man like that glitch and get faster and do something like that. And then nobody else has seen this guy again. So my only thing is this, I don't know what I saw, but to me the way he walked, the way he talked, and then he tried talking as if he was like with the times of today, with the cursing. That fucked me up. I have questions. Go ahead. May I? Great story, great the way. That's great story. And it's true. And if you ever go to Phoenix,

oh I don't know if he's still there, but ask for the security guy and ask what happened. No, I believe you guys witness something. Yes, I just have a question. Sure. Oh my God. What? So I just typed in Jacob, time traveler.

Yeah, no, stop. It came up and read it with this says, this is this emblem he emblem keeps popping up. Jacob Von Huggflum, 1864 to 1909, inventor of Time Travel. Oh, dude, this thing's popping up. Oh, that I didn't know. Wow.

That I didn't know. Okay. I don't know. All right. Now again, I think time, well, hold on, I'm gonna go the dark web. Sorry, but I just want to say,. I just wanna say this for your listeners. I don't think based on what I saw,

that is definitely a time travel, but based on what Einstein said is possible. And then seeing that, I definitely saw something awkward and out of the ordinary. So what you're saying to me, he's wearing 1920's attire. Full on.

So you're saying that a dude from the 1920s went to the future. Well, yeah, it couldn't be the past. I know, but my point is that so what you're saying is that they had time travel. When you said time travel, I thought, oh, some guy in the future, right? Walk by and says, the Broncos are going to win next year in the Super Bowl. Oh, right, right, right, right, right, right. And you're like, oh, fuck. Yeah.

And then the next year that they do win, and you're like, I'm not a guy. You're right. You're right. So what you fucking back to the future, yeah, right, right, right, right, right, right. And you're like, oh, fuck. And then the next year that they do win, and you're like, I'm out of guy. Do you even, you're right, so what you fucking back to the future, yeah, yeah, yeah, the only thing I'm saying is that they had the capability to go into the 20s to go into the future. And he had the know how to know what the future was like, the lingo, you know what I mean, all that stuff. Oh, what if the dude just can travel time

and he just fucking got comfortable in the 20s and was just like a hop around, dress like, you know, maybe that was his shit, maybe he's like, I liked this. So he's originally from the fucking future. Well, I mean, I don't know where he's from because he's a time traveler, he could be from anywhere. Why was he so far away? Two places he could be from.

The future of the past. Okay. Okay. You're not getting this I'm getting this. Thank you. You're seeing time as a Marlinier. All right, now we're gonna go, well, fucking arrival. Arrival?

Arrival, no, I mean, what, all right, so, but could it be we're all in a simulation, and does it's the glitch? That, you know what, that could be, that's definitely something there. Like a program that wasn't supposed to. Oh, I left one part out. Okay.

This guy wrote to me and he goes, Hey, I heard your story about the thing, my mother specializes in things like this and she wants to talk to you. And then I was like, I got a little weirded out and then we never spoke, but she wrote me something and she said I'd like to talk to you and it's something that I would entertain,

but she was basically saying how there's dimension holes that people can like travel. Like her thing was this shit and I didn't get in, I don't know anything like that. The only thing I would say is this, if I didn't see how far away he got, then I would go, hey, this could be a loony, like a loon who just dressed like that,

walks around like that and acts like that. But when I looked up and when he said to me, Paul, look how far he is now and we looked up, that's when both of us go, that's weird. That was, how far he was was weird. Cause you couldn't get there, especially with the cane. I always think more, not time travel, more like X-Men or like Marvel, like Flash.

I mean, what? Or it could be an alien thinking that's what a human is. It's like, oh fuck, fuck man. I was playing human. Yeah, now you freaked me out. Yeah. All right, Daniel Day Lewis. It could be the same fucking alien

that was hovering over your dad. Oh, that's it. He was like, I'm gonna come after the sun. Yeah, yeah, it could be that. Yeah, man, who knows, dude? That's very interesting. The how far he got made me go, something's all, because yeah, I wish we were to take in a picture with him.

But what if, let's see, is a Carl Lewis type of a guy. Who's same bowl? No, you had a cane and a limp. I know, who's same bowl can limp and fake. So you think he dropped the cane, started sprinting? And then when you guys looked at him, he slowed down. I mean, I'm just trying to find the most logical.

Okay, like Grandmaster Pysel and the Game of Thrones, they're really kind of like like rickety old man, then he kind of takes his robot. Because if I was fast, I would have a can. By the way, he looked like he was in his late 20s. That's still great, that's good. What does that mean? No, no, I'm just saying.

I'm just saying, he wasn't an old guy. I wasn't an old guy. No, he wasn't an old guy. I would say, my guess, if I had to guess, I would say between 28 and 33. So he was just like a disabled young guy from the 20. I wouldn't even say disabled, just kind of a little bit of a hitch with a cane

and dress like, dress like that. But I mean, he wasn't like, here's the thing too. The outfit from the 20s wasn't some Halloween shit. Yeah. This was a head to toe look nice like a tailor did it, like a real, Paul, can I just say something? Please, you can go to a thrift store and find an outfit.

Dude, you're gonna go to thrift store and be like, dude, blow me out in a 1926 full on head to toe? With the clock and the fuck invest? Wait, where was this? You saw this happen? I wanna see it. I would say 21 or 20 years. Yeah. That's insane.

Yeah. I've never had anything paranormal, and I love the X files. I know I've never had anything paranormal happen to me. I mean I was when I was in fucking I don't think you would notice it if you were because you'd be on your Phone I should I should the photo the the candy crushing if there was like No, I want to show you a photo that was like very paranormal no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm sleeping. You shit. I'm sleeping. I'm drooling. I'm drowsy. I hear these lights. It was like a circular lights.

A beam of light went into my room. I see a little gray. I have to take a shit. You mean an alien shit in your bed? What shit on you? I woke up and there was shit all underneath me. At debunk, debunk, debunk, because on September 14th, at 4.23 p.m. you said I have a stomach bug.

I said, oh no. Mythbusters, it's a bug. And then, I'm gonna go with that over the alien shit in your bed. See, then how come I went with your fucking time traveler guy? You didn't go with that. Here's, I have a question though. Because you had a stomach bug, dude.

I know, I told you I saw the lights and the spinning things. Bob? Yeah. And you didn't even go with me. No, no. And I went with you with your fatigue. I did 20s, man. That's not right.

Well, did the light really come down? Yeah, it was a light. And then, I saw little gray, either, bap, like a 20s man. That's not right. Well, did the light really come down? Yeah, it was a light. That's a little bit. I got back, me, back, back. You saw it. But I was frozen, I couldn't, right? And he rolled me over too. And he took a shit right where I was sleeping.

Then he put my potty back on the bed. Right? Then I replaced you by opening it up and I was like, oh my god, a little griggy. My fucking back, Dan. Nope, can I tell, I'm debunking this right now. Okay. No, don't fuck it.

I said, he said, I have a stomach bug. I said, oh no, how bad are the pooies? And then you didn't send me a still shot. You sent me a live photograph of two different angles, one of your black underwear, and then one of your white cheeks. Alien pool. Also, that underwear isn't black. What is one of your white shoes. Oh, alien footwear. That underwear isn't black.

What is that? It's white. And then- It was white. But Gill, look how it's live. Oh, shit. Oh, my God. And then you said, you know, you know.

And then you said, I shit my pants while I was asleep last night. Oh, the alien told you that. And then? No, the alien typed it. The type he typed it with his long phone. No, because he doesn't, he can't just do it with his thoughts. Yeah, he can medically do that.

He can medically understand my prediction. 100%. You understand when I went through it. Oh. To which I reply, oh, your signature move, to which you replied, yep. What, why did I say to your move? Why, oh, your signature move to which you replied, yep. Why did I say that a signature move? I said, oh, your signature move and he said, yep.

Wait a minute, can I ask you a question? I think I said a question. Signature, is this, have you shit the bed on a newmer? Like, newmer is okay? I've never done it. I'm not necessarily the bed, but like, had the back seat of his car. Back seat of my car.

And like, multiple other places in that. I don't believe you did in the back seat of his car. That was the, that was the alley. They used to say, yeah, you would do that on the freeway on the one of one. Maybe there's an alley in that just set you up to shit. Maybe there's just an alley. I know, just every time you shit shit.

Yeah. Dude, that's what it is, dude. Do you remember when you shit, no, right, you black out? I black out because the alley, they, they, they, no, they know how to wipe the clean like men and black. Oh. Maybe they gotta hold some of the Bill Cosby stuff. Maybe Bill Cosby's an alien.

I mean, yeah, who likes jelly booding pop that much? Yeah. Anyway, yeah, I put the pant, I put. I put the bed and we had to pay the hotel a lot. Because when it seeps through. Oh, it was a hotel to pay the hotel a lot. Because when it seeps through. Oh, it was a hotel. It was at a hotel.

So when it seeps through the actual sheets and stuff and it gets into the match, match. Biohazard. Yeah, they are like, we gotta buy a whole new bed. So that's like a couple of grand right there. No, it was a couple hundred. It was $600. It was $600.

A biohazard for short. Wait, that was a hotel bit? Yeah. How did you tell them? Like, how was that conversation go? Well, you know, I have Carlos, and because I was on the road with Andrew, so you have people working for you. I call Carlos.

I'm sure that- Listen here, dude. He should have told him the alien story. I'm sure that's not uncommon because of like babies and gorsic diarrhea. But they moved my room. Oh, can I, oh, Paul, let me, Paul. Yeah, they should have just been, I'm up a Paul.

Paul. When you, he's kind of a big baby, but he's a baby. He's a baby shape. No, we feed him a lot when he's, he's a baby. Paul, I want wanna say something. Yeah. It's that it's never how, it's, that's a shameful day. When I woke up, right?

And when they did that to me, right? And I realized what they did. And the shame that comes with it, right? And then what do you do? You, you have to first, I was asleep. Like four in the morning, I wake up, and I felt like I was sleeping in the rain forest. Oh geez dude.

Yeah, you know what I mean? Did you smell it first? Is that what I mean? No, I felt it first. Okay. Right, I felt it first, and I'm like, am I in quicksand? It was like a lower crafty kind of moment.

Oh, two rainbows. How did it, like a two rainbows? How did a time travel story get to this? Because I have phenomenon too. Oh, it's a sad day when that happens. It was terrible. You know what I mean? You never put yourself? Yeah, no, a couple times. A couple times.

Yeah, good. When, as an adult? Uh, one time, one time I shit myself in a mall. Oh, good. It was tough. It was tough. It wasn't my favorite day. I can really.

We were talking, like we were talking at like in the food court, just talking with all of a sudden, just like, because before I did, before I did stand up, I was doing, I was knocking doors in Queens, Emma and Hat and selling phone cable internet packages, right? So we would, the guy, the salesman, we would go and eat and we went to the mall in Queens and we're in the, we're in the,

I can't believe it's on the store. We were in the food court and we're talking and we're having a talk like Queens, and we're in the, we're in the, I can't believe I've told him this story. We were in the food court, and we're talking, and we're having a talk like we're talking everything's normal. And then all of a sudden, I just shit my pants. Literally. And I was so shocked. It's just that I just, I was so shocked that I shit myself that I actually finished the conversation for a second

because I couldn't believe. And then, yeah. Like I was like, I think they're shit in my pants. Like, I can't. So then, I went and I had to do the whole thing, throw out the one. I had to go, look, I was in a mall, so I could get underwear. And I did that. And it was brutal.

It was just not my finest. Yeah. But you're a human being, you know? Yeah, it's very really good. I would say that what would you say the percentage of people that shit their pants ages from a kid to 50 years old? I would say it has to be 80% of people shit their pants. I think so.

100%. Yeah. I would say maybe more, but 80's a safe bet, right? No, I think everyone shit their pants before. Yeah. For sure. You think from... If you're an asshole, you shit your pants.

Yeah. A fart gone wrong. Or a surprise diary. I mean, you don't think there's anybody that's never had a... Does that girl's gone wild? There's fart gone wrong. I don't know. Anyone in my inner circle know everyone's shit their pants in my inner circle.

Yeah, yeah. Has your wife ever shared her pants? I mean, not that I was ever told or no. But have you asked her? You have to ask her. I mean, that's not a good state. Can I ask your question? Yeah. You ever shit your pants? Yeah. Really? You don't ask stuff like that.

You don't want to. Yeah. Wow. You know, your New Yorkers are different. We are? Yeah, to me, you're a real New Yorker. Okay, I'll take that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Are you like the other guys you judge you by LA? No, no, I love LA.

You do. I love LA, listen, this is a place I could stay for a few weeks is different than I like woods and I like, you know, the more country and suburbs and stuff, but I'm not somebody that shits on LA. Like, you know, I don't like love it, but like when people say, it's just different. Like you guys are different with stand-up,

you guys are different with everything out here. Do you think we're bad or? No, no, no, I think there's just different. I think there's just different. I think that there's just different. Like you guys just don't, and it's less, you know, I was talking to Brett Ernst about this, and he's like, it's more judgey in New York.

New York wants, Brett Ernst, you don't know Brett? I love him. Oh yeah, he said that. Where does he live now? Where does he live? He lives, well, he stays in different places.

Mom's in Florida, he hangs in, he's the old friend. Yeah, he's, yeah. But New York is judgey, like New York will come in and come in the room and this and that. Here it's more, I feel like it's definitely more supportive

out here. Oh, I see. New York will be like, you know, everyone's kind of like, you know, looking at the joke and the material and stuff. And I get that because everyone wants to be better there. I think the stand up in New York is great. But I said this, I was just talking to my buddy today about it.

The crowds in New York right now, in my opinion are probably the worst in America. Really? Yeah, it is, it is like the other night I was on stage and I literally said to the crowd, I go, do you people are like, this is just, and I was, and I actually, I started killing the room, but there was just a white woman like this

and then she was looking at tables to see if they're laughing at something she was upset about. And I'm just going like, what happened, man? Like what? It's really bad there. It's sucks. San Francisco. Yeah.

You know what? I heard that too. San Francisco is LA as bad as New York or not. No. LA is great. So good. So good at LA. I heard San Francisco in New York are like,

but it sucks when you're in New York and you know what it can be and what it is. Yeah. And then you see this, whatever is happening now. And it's like, lady, I'm telling it, we're fucking around here. We're at a comedy club to like loosen up and get away from that. And you're now looking at tables. It's almost a different thing.

Now it's like judging people who may be into this shit. And so now it's not even, because, you already hate me, right? Right, right. Because she hates me because I said something now that you just, so now she's like this looks at me mean fine, I could do it, but then she's going like this, and then that just makes it sucks.

Well, it's funny, this culture too is emboldened people to like stand up and argue. Like I'd say like nah, man, that was, you know, out of pocket, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I don't know what else it. That was out of control. That was out of control I mean. You're wrong about, you know what I mean,

it's trans or whatever, like, yeah, yeah. You have to argue right then and then. Real funny or like you're gonna be real hilarious. And then, or some people will get up and leave. Yeah, yeah. And it's just, yeah, it's brutal. It's brutal, yeah. Do you think that's the new generation

that's coming up or what do you think that is? Yeah, I can I play I so the the first time I played the The big room at the seller what's that one called on the village of the grang. Yeah, so the that was like four or five six months ago Me and Andrew came in and they gave us great spots and I was like Oh, this is like the man, I crushed. But then the second time I did it, it was the polar opposite. Even the piano player, the guy that's up there, you were just kinda like,

he looked at me and went, I don't know why, that's tonight. Here's what it is, you have, because you have these young people in Brooklyn that come over and they're very, like when I did my WNBA joke on the Netflix special, there were just women immediately, immediately.

As soon as I started talking about the WNBA in a way that wasn't, like, it's the greatest thing. It just went from this, shaking their head, and it's like, and that is, I don't know what it is. I think it's getting worse because I think, like, that's why, you notice when it started to? What? People don't, comics don't do colleges anymore

You notice that yeah colleges because what happened is colleges is it starting in colleges? I think it starts in the schools it starts in the schools and it's getting now like even what my kids think are like my kids Will say something like dad is that like I heard I heard this today is that racist is that bad? They're even questioning a joke that was just an innocent joke on a bus fucking around, which we all did, which is healthy, and now they're going, can I do that? So if it's starting there, then it's gonna go into college, and then those people, they get a new apartment

in Brooklyn, Williamsburg, and guess what? Let's go to the comedy seller, because we saw it on TV. Let's go to the stand, I heard the great comics there, and in all of a sudden it's, oh, why are they talking about that? That's terrible, that's what's happening, I think. Yeah, and it's happening.

But don't you double down. Dude, I did. I fucking... I love when I know. I did. Sometimes when I know they're bad, they're like that. I go, you know what? I got a couple of things in here that I normally don't do. And I'm going to do it just to make you mad. Yeah. I love it.

Dude, I don't mean to be out of pocket, but. Okay. No, what I say. Beyond means. Beyond means I mean. No. Beyond means. By all means I mean.

I was not. Beyond means. I was not. Beyond means, dude. I don't know English, dude. I'm fine. Fuck it. Go ahead, I mean.

No, I was on stage at the stand and somebody got off stage, or somebody got off stage, somebody got off stage and they just go, I go, how are they? And I could tell that the room, people didn't like the room. So I go on stage, I'm like, oh, you know, I'll just do my, and I could feel that the room was like, even before you get going,

we've been doing it long enough, we've been doing it 20, you could feel the room just, and I just was like, nah, and they did something, and I just go, I think I said, okay, it's one of these. And then, I said it, I go, okay, it's one of these. And then I went, then I went, I went abortion. I went mental, mental health. I went, I went, all of them, and then that's,

but then the weird thing happened. Three quarters of the room, start going with me and killing, but then that's, but then the weird thing happened. Three quarters of the room start going with me and killing, but then that's when the pockets of upset happened. But I had to double down because I'm like, no, no, no, no. That's not, you get mad because it's like, and I'm capable of fixing it or going with it. Like if it's gonna be bad, like let's go have a good time for me,

I'm gonna have a good time. Instead of like when you're a younger comic and shit starts to go down, you're like, oh, fuck that. You're like, shit, now it's like, okay, I'm gonna make this a mine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, instead of like when you're younger comic and shit starts to go down You're like oh fuck you're like shit now. It's like okay. I'm gonna I'm gonna make this a mine Yeah, yeah, and and but I agree with you But it's sad to see New York like that because then you go to like you go to Arizona You go to Texas and you go to even Chicago far this is so good dude. Oh my I did our

I mean our Austin show. I'm it's so good. I did Rogan's room that was like, the Denver comedy works. Oh, the best. The Denver comedy works is like, and the way they're seated and they're not being served, like served the way table serving with stuff. So even if they get a drink, it's like, they're still focused, Tampa, oh my God. Oh yeah.

Tampa side splitters at those rooms, they're just, they're for comedy. You say anything and you could even get somebody go, hey man, that was a little much, but I still appreciate what you do. You're not gonna get that in New York right now. Some people, of course, the diehards, but San Francisco, I haven't been in a long time,

but I couldn't imagine the set going great. Yeah, yeah, no, it's two. Unless the diehards, I mean, I love that, or my fans, but other than that, it's too much. I think Oakland should open up a comedy club. You know what I mean? All the cool kids went to Oakland. By my point is, is that you're right.

There's, but, but when it's, when they're with you? Yeah. Here, I'm gonna say this. And I, because I've always tried to think about why they listen to people listen to me in Andrew. And it's, because we, we're, we talk like we do backstage. We rip on each other and there's nothing woke about us, really.

And it's not, we're not purposely doing it. To me, I don't even know what woke is. I really don't. Some of the things they say is woke, I'm learning. I want to learn. Right, but I'm just doing the only thing that I know to do, which is what I do. And so, but you can't get that

in television comedies anymore. No. Right? So the people that are listening are the ones that are with us and they get us. And we're the only ones kind of doing that. So they kind of go, oh, you know, so it kind of works to our advantage

almost in a weird way. Yeah. The more woke people get the more people double down, they come to us. And but our comedic minds almost want to go against the grain to really, like that's part of what we do is to be uncomfortable. It's like we have to do it.

You know, I want to find out. I want to just go and do low hanging fruit, easy shit. You know, but it hurt, like it definitely hurts us when we want, there were some things that I wanted to do. Actually, I gotta say Netflix, what my Netflix special, and the Nocturnal Admissions, which is. That's streaming now, on Netflix.

Okay, everyone listening. Nocturnal Admissions. Yeah, nocturnal Admissions, my Netflix special is streaming now. They were pretty good with letting me get everything in there, but you also have in your mind when Netflix is talking to me about wanting to do my special, you know, and the beautiful thing is Netflix did not want my special before they saw it because they go, we love Paul,

but there's a lot of competition because I'm not, you know, like, I'm not all over doing wild shit for followers. But so what they saw it and they go, when they saw it, they go, what Robbie and them and shout out to them, they're like, this is great. This belongs here. But when I'm going on podcasts, and this is a sad thing to say But when I'm going on podcasts and I'm traveling around and I'm doing things I got to watch everything I say because now I'm in negotiations

You're in negotiations with something and that's fucked up because I got a family So it's like all the hard work that I put into standup and now don't even get used to it All the hard work that I put into standup and, and I know we talked about this in the green room. All the fucking hard work, two fucking decades of going in and doing all the shit, and then you get the respect, and then a Netflix thing, but you gotta worry about going on there. I gotta worry about my family, my wife, my kids.

If I go on and say something as a joke, they can clip it and fuck you up. And it's a really sad thing because we're supposed to be the, I'm not gonna say rebels, but we're supposed to be the free speakers of anybody, you know, and it does suck, but luckily with YouTube and all that shit, man,

we have a platform now where, I mean, even that, they'll get censored, you know? So you gotta, like now when I start, when I start hearing that YouTube, you're starting to hear that they need to come out with other platforms now, because now you're like, oh no, you got to go to this one. Or now, you're like, what are we doing here?

Yeah, oh, they're building a platform. Don't worry, and say a month. You get a bed, I'm like, okay, well, what do I do with this? It's fucking brutal, man. It's really brutal, man. So, but all I can do is just keep trying to get better and, you know, and keep doing what we do. But it does suck that you got to kind of watch.

Because you probably went on here joking, right? Somebody's on here joking. Pop, pop, pop, pop. I've been through it. And I have to say, it's saddened to my heart. It's broke me. But you know what? I'm not going to stop.

No. OK. No, you can't. And I've had to let go certain things, but, you know, you're good. You know, Paul, let me say something to you, I did. I want to say this, deep, I love you, man. You're a good dude. I really honestly did.

There's something about you, man. I appreciate you, man. And from now on, you know, we're gonna fuck with each other, man. I'm gonna tell you what, because now, because I said this, you know, I'm Sicilian, okay? Yeah. That's it now. That's what you said, because here's a thing.

Tell me about Sicilian. Here's a thing, here's a thing. Let's get real. Well, here's a thing now. Look at me, the problem. I wanna know what the thing. No, but the problem is, this is the problem though,

if you wanna get close and me and you text and do things like that, and then I found out that you needed help, like, I'll kill somebody for you. It's almost like, that's then I found out that you needed help. Like, you know, I'll kill somebody for you. You know, it's almost like that's how I'm like, when somebody, when I fuck with somebody, because somebody, because I'd be honest with you, when you were like, hey man, I want you to come on Tiger Belly,

I was like, is this LA bullshit? Or is this, because a lot of times you get that, you come out, hey man, what's to do when you're in town? When you're in town, we're going golf in a balloon ride. Like, what? Go for it. You're like, yeah, yeah? When you're in town, we're gonna go golf in a balloon ride. Like what, all right. And you're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, yeah, we're gonna go on, but you wanna go fishing?

Like, yeah, yeah. You're gonna stay at my house, where your family is, you know. And you're like, all right. But no, man, you were like, that's all that you could be. That's what I want my comedy, just real shit, like real talk. You texted me and you go, it's gonna happen. You're gonna, when you come out, come out.

And I was like, listen, I get it. People are busy, you know, I'm running around. Let's go back to like out. And I was like, listen, I get it, people are busy. I'm running around and running around. Let's go back to what's going on between us now. What would you do for me? Well, kill person. Oh, you kill person. Well, I mean, kills, it depends what happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no realness. I would not kill anybody, but I would like, yeah, man, fuck yeah, dude.

That's all I could ask. Yeah, and that's all you're gonna get. That's all you're gonna get, dude. Believe me, I know you can't. And that's real, dude, that's pretty interesting. She's like, you know what I'll do, man? I'm fucking, I'll return a text. I'll return a text.

No, for, no, honestly, from now on, you and I are gonna be boys and it's cool, man. You know, you wanna plug some dates? Yeah, man, I just made a big announcement in New York. I will be headlining, I don't know if that has a new one, but I will be headlining the Grammar C theater New Year's Eve. It's the first time that I've ever loved that place.

In New York City on New Year's. I usually stay home But I will be at Grammar C theater New Year's Eve 8 o'clock This is plug all of date. Okay, so you could catch me at helium comedy club in Philadelphia October 20th 21st October they moved my Hartford Connecticut date to October 13th. I'll be at the Albany Funny Bone on November 2nd. We're gonna make the announcement from my next special which I am gonna shoot in Chicago probably in January.

That's gonna come out next week, that date, and New Year's Eve, and I have a bunch of new dates coming out, so go to PaulVersi.com. Check out the YouTube channel. I pick football games for BEDMGM with Bill Burr on anything better. Me and Bobby Kelly have a bone to pick podcast and of course the Versa Effect. And please check out Not Turnle Admissions, man. I appreciate it.

Oh god, give him a lot of love. Thank you so much, Paul. You're the best. Thank you guys for having me, man. Such a great time. Thank you. Thank you. Here's a better question for you.

Could you tell a difference between Japanese denim and a regular denim that I can? There you go. That's this thing. Well, that's kind of a quality issue because a lot of these knockoffs are so good now that you can hardly tell the difference except for, you know, like so for Bobby, it's like Rod denim really is a stretch away from regular denim. I don't even do knockoff pussy. What's knockoff pussy though? Talk about... What's knockoff pussy? I just told you. Have you had to wear the knockoff pussy though? You talk about, uh... What's knockoff pussy?

I just told you, have you had to wear the knockoff? What? Have you had come out of the... Yeah, I have, I've had knockoff... The lion. Oh, we had to tell what was it like? Like, they pretended it was the real thing. I know, but did she look like me?

Yeah. Was it pussy like, okay? No, it was knockoff then. Also, you could tell. Yeah. When you say knockoff, it's your dick there. Also, you could tell. Yeah. When you say knock, it's your dick turn green like a... What? What?

Your dick turns green like the way you roll. You pull out, huh? That's a laugh, right? That's a laugh, dude. You're real, that's a fake pussy. Bobby's fucking... I'm just some fake pussy right there. It's dick turn green.

That's it, that's fine. I'm a cookie, I'm a cookie