TigerBelly - Rick Glassman & his Buff Photos

Episode Date: January 24, 2024

Rick Glassman is back for a 4th time. We chat Library of Alexandria, Bobbi Althoff, friendship values, Pokemon, not-a-bit guy, and hosting award shows. Go to www.zocdoc.com/belly and download the Zocdoc app for FREE. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. That’s www.zocdoc.com/belly  Sign up for a one-dollar-per-month trial period at www.shopify.com/tigerbelly Go to www.shopify.com/tigerbelly now to grow your business–no matter what stage you’re in. 

🎵 Did you just get back from the safari? There it is. Hey, Stingray, Stingray, be careful. Steve Irwin. Steve Irwin joke, dude. Whose voice is that, by the way? Yeah, you were here early because of the autism thing?

Is that what it, like, Rayman was always early at the casinos, right? Yeah, he always got to the casinos early. Yeah, yeah, early. Because he has autism. Yeah. That what it... Like, Rain Man was always early at the casinos, right? Yeah, he always got to casinos early. Because he has autism. Yeah. Mm-hmm. That joke didn't hit, huh? It's fine.

It hit earlier. It hit earlier, yeah. It hit earlier. He was testing out some jokes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you tried that before I got here just in case I got here early?

Yeah. It actually did crash. You got a laugh in the room, but it kind of fell there, but it's fine. Very confident you've been lately. I've seen you at the clubs, and now you're getting spots.

It's very exciting. It's not funny. No? No. Are you talking about your Rayman joke? No. I'm talking about the joy in your success. I'm talking about I'm proud of you. I'm talking about I'm proud of you.

I'm talking about you did it, kid. Thank you. I'm talking about lower it. Bring it down a little? Yeah. Is this too much? What's wrong with you today? Dude, I came in here with a plan.

And that plan was just to just be calm. You know? And I walked in and you're like, look at this kid who's here. Never said that. Well, you know, you edited it out, but that's what you said. Never said that.

No bleeps, nothing. Oh, so you came here with an agenda. Like, this time I'm going to come relax. I came the same way last time and I just couldn't do it. Last time I came in and you said the same thing. You're like, oh, you're so confident. And I walked in, and you're like, come in again.

And then I came in, and then just. Oh, yeah, yeah. I stopped reading comments, actually, after being on this podcast a third time. I used to read comments a lot, because it was always very, they were always very nice. Yeah. And then your audience met me, and then they came over to my show and just like, you know, a lot of words. And I'm like, why don't I...

Everyone's always like, don't read comments. I'm like, why? These are great. I'm getting good timestamps of clips. People are saying nice things. And then it's... Then I came on here. This morning I woke up and I saw a post of me and Bobby Althoff.

It wasn't on her thing, but one of the posts had like 35,000 comments. Oh, my God. I almost wanted to, but there's no way. What do you mean? I wanted to read some. You wanted to read 35,000 comments. Well, like one of them, you know what I mean? But I just know that one would ruin my day.

That one would ruin my day, so I didn't even do it. That's healthy, right? Say hi to your prince. Hi, prince. Good to see you. Yes, yes, good, good. Do your people care about the mouth noises of you eating into the microphone?

That's a real question. When does this come out? You're welcome. Let's start. Next week, possibly. Possibly. Well, I'll be at the Bray Improv January 24th.

Really? You wanna come? He's there the week after. The week after. I'll come. I already booked it. I won't come. Okay.

You know what? You're right. I'll be having sex with a woman I don't like. I won't come. I'm not gonna come. You'll come. With a woman woman I don't like I won't come I'm not gonna come You'll come With a woman that You don't like

You'll still come I'm not gonna come Have you not come before I'll come the week before I know But have you ever been With a girl And not come before

That's none of your business That's so silly What you're doing is so silly I remember you told me Like you I love it See I think it's me. Sometimes I go, oh, it's me.

But it's him. Right? A lot of it's him. Anyway, let's start with a positive. You're right. Start with a puzzle. Is that what you're going to say? No.

Oh. Positive. What I want to do is I want to Because you came in here I think I was a little I attacked And I don't want to be like that anymore Oh Are you going to

It's a new year It's a topic Yeah so Hello mate Oh hello Hello Welcome Hello hello

Are you doing Australian Or are you doing South African No no no Oscar Petosius Put up the subtitles Oscar Petosius Put up the the subtitles. Oscar Petosius. Put up the subtitles where it says Rick Lee and

Gray on the... You're talking about the guy who shot his... Yeah, the legless. Riva? The legless killer. Oscar Petosius. You're talking from

Lord of the Rings? Yeah. Legolas? Yeah. Who killed him? He had no legs. Oh, Legolas. No, I'm talking about

the Olympic guy. Oscar Petosius. Do you remember him? South African. I don't'm talking about the Olympic guy. Oscar Pistorius. Do you remember him? South African. I don't like to talk about other people. Okay. It's like, you know what it's like? We're on two different planets.

We're on Earth. Where are you? Pandora. Good. Or Hoth. Either one. Where's Hoth? You don't know Hoth? You know Hoth? You don't know Hoth?

You know Hoth? I don't like to talk about other planets. But do you know Hoth, though? In what world is Hoth in? I don't know. Really? Uh-uh. You know, right?

What world? Do you know? It has to be Star Trek, right? Do you know? No, it's not Star Trek. What? Close. The other one. Star Wars. Yes. Who's know? No, it's not Star Trek. What? Close. The other one.

Star Wars. Yes. Who's from Hoth on Star Wars? I don't know that planet. Well, that's where, what's a funny little story? You forgot. I know. Tauntauns.

Oh, is that where? I'll go. I'll go. I thought they smelled bad on the outside. Right. That's what I was picturing. Do you remember that line? Yeah.

Huge laugh. Yeah. Remember that? what I was picturing. Do you remember that line? Yeah. Huge laugh. Yeah. Remember that? As a kid. So what happens is, little Luke, I call him little, little Luke gets froze.

He's freezing. Almost. Almost dies. He goes inside of the, whatever that place is. Right, so the Tauntaun, that's the Tauntaun. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And so he opens it up. Empire Strikes Back. God, you're so good. You're clever. And you're on it. I appreciate it. And Empire Strikes Back. God, you're so good. You're clever. And you're on it. And I appreciate it. And now Bobby strikes back. Should we cut to commercial?

No, no, no. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. Not yet. And so he says a line. You know what I mean? I thought they smelled bad.

No? No. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that line, though? Yeah. Okay, good. So Tauntaun's on it. But you remember that line, though? Yeah. Okay, good. So Tauntaun's there in it.

But you know that creature? Remember he gets hung upside down, Luke, on Hoth? Do you remember that? That big Sasquatch-y white... I forget what they're... You know why they added that scene? Because he gets fucked up in that scene. Because he got in some sort of car accident,

real life, Mark Hamill. It was either a motorcycle accident, and he got in some sort of car accident, real life Mark Hamill. It was in a motorcycle accident, and he got a scar, so they put that scene in to justify his face change. You know, that actually happened in The Lion King as well. Wait, wait, stop. I think I know. Wait, wait, wait.

What's the bad guy's name in Die Hard 3, Die Hard with a Vengeance? Will you just look that up real quick? Villain, Die Hard 3. Yeah, with a Vengeance? Will you just look that up real quick? Villain, Die Hard 3. Yeah, yeah. Jeremy Irons. Thank you, Jeremy Irons. Oh, yes, who plays Scar.

Yeah, and during rehearsals, I don't remember if it was a motorcycle accident or something, but he fell, and he also, he got a huge scar, and it affected the way his voice was. So that's why they ended up putting that into the movie, Lion King. Are you serious? Yes.

Look it up. No. All right, let's get started. Well, I have another one then. Okay. The girl that played Annie. Right? From Trust Tuesday?

Not that big of a name. Annie, in the original play, had black hair. But Bernadette Peters was in a fire. It was a boring podcast. And it turned her head red. That's crazy. And they changed it. You know, I got another one.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know you do. Rules of seven. Give me another one. Rules of seven. Give me another one. We'll do it next week. Okay.

We'll do it next week. Welcome, Rick Lassman. Give him a round of applause. Thank you. What a beautiful man and a beautiful future. And I really, I'm so fond of you and every time I see you

I just get really excited texted you a few times you didn't write me back I'll tell you why Rick yep because you want me to do ridiculous things and I don't want to do

ridiculous things I don't want to do any of your prank shows I don't want you to do one of your prank shows oh you get this thing where Will Sesso

and I are doing this thing I want you to call in and do and this and this. That wasn't a prank show. We have legitimate beef. I know, but I just... You guys have beef on your podcasts all the time.

I happen to have a little beef with Will Sasso and I just wanted you to come in and help neutralize it. It wasn't a prank. Oh, I'm sorry. My bad. Then I should have done it.

And I thought you smelled bad on the inside. We'll be right back. I know. We'll be right back. Yeah, put that in. back. And we're back. So how's things going? How's 2024

going for you right now? That's just another way of saying how you're doing, right? No, it's not. Specific to the last two weeks. Thank you. You know what, dude? Shows have been good. Shows have been real good

live stand up yeah great I've been feeling really good about that yeah watched

I've been watching Reacher it was a good movie I watched the movies a while ago oh the show is it good yeah okay good

Jack Reacher yeah but it's just called Reacher I just want to give the context of the full name that I knew it. I try not to talk about people with their full names. Their first names? Oh, so if you were talking about Mission Impossible, you'd say Hunt? Yes. And if I said Ethan, you'd be mad?

One or the other. Okay. I would say Bernadette, for example. All right. But I wouldn't put the whole thing together. I get it. I understand. Yeah, good, good, good, good, good, good, good.

How are you? How are you? How are you? Good. You not it. I understand. Yeah, good, good, good, good, good, good, good. How are you? How are you? How are you? Good. You not sleep well last night? Yeah. No, I feel like you didn't. I did.

Yesterday, actually, I got up. So I play Magic the Gathering, and I used to play a lot, but now the format that I play in isn't popular anymore. People play this format that's called Commander. I never played Commander. I have this group of peers slash friends. They've been on my podcast before. I don't know them very well.

I like them. Cassius Marsh was on yours once. Let me say something about Cassius. Yeah. What a hookup. Oh, right. I cooked you up with him about the Pokemon cards. You cook, cook, cook, cook.

Yep. Great guy. Can I tell you about him? He's, you were courting a girl, and then you got, part of that courtship was buying Pokemon cards for her child. Ah.

Could you say Pokemon, but like singing the song, and could you give a, like a anime type of melody to something, and it's like, whatever, and then you go, Pokemon.

Here it goes. Here's the lyrics. Oh, there's an actual song? I've never heard it. I gotta hear the song. Just, we would love to hear your version of it i want to be the very best is young like no one ever was to catch them in the real test the train that is my cause I got you I will travel Across the land

Searching far and wide Each Pokemon To understand The power That's inside Pokemon It's you And me

I know It's my destiny Pokemon and you're my best friend in a world we must defend go ahead in the night in the night

is young young we got it we got it yeah very good we can fix it are we close?

I don't yeah I don't know how it goes either. I've never seen it. Is it close? You know what? We'll find out if YouTube flags it. Imagine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's great, dude. What have we learned so far? Hoth. Hoth. We learned about that. We learned about... Cassius. Cassius.

Oh, anyway, talk about Cassius. Cassius is a football player. Yep. And when you meet him, because you think that all his friends are incels or whatever, but my... We pulled up a picture of Cell from

DBZ, so people know what he's talking about. But when I met Cassius, I was like, oh, dude, this is like a real man. But inside. To have him be an incel. That's tough. Just type in Cell DBZ inside. I don't know an incel. That's tough. Just type in Cell DBZ inside. But I don't know what this joke, it was a joke?

He's just a great guy. Okay, that's it. Cassius and my new buddy, a couple of Joes. This is my favorite. And we played Commander all night. And you're not into Commander. Well, I learned how to play it last night. And sure, I just don't have a Commander deck. I have a, I guess it's a legacy deck now.

In fact, I was here the last summer two times ago. We were talking about Birds of Paradise, and I talked about an artist, Mark Poole, who makes magic cards. Put it up. I had reached out to Mark Poole before because I do collectible trading cards. And his daughter saw this episode

and connected me with Mark Poole. And Mark texted me today, and I have artwork of a new card that he is drawing the Library of Alexandra as Marshall Carpet, and I'm going to have a Magic the Gathering card, and I met him through this podcast. That's incredible.

What a beautiful, beautiful story. What a beautiful, beautiful story. It's one of the most famous pieces of art and magic. Library of Alexandria. I know. Remind me what that card does. Many things. What element? You want to talk about an element?

I don't know what that means. Fire and earth? No, it's a land. Exactly. Earth. Okay. And what does it do? What? Look at this, Bobby. That's what I'm saying. Is that not on earth? And what does it do? What? Probably doesn't even know what Library of Alexandria does. Yeah.

Look at this, Bobby. That's what I'm saying. Is that not on Earth? I mean, yeah. That's not in space. That's on ground, right, John? Right, so I think I got some of it right. I've been there.

So let's get into it. Let's get started. How is your 2024? Am I being judgmental when I feel like, are we just being really boring? No, I love it. Okay. You don't like this? Yeah, yeah.

It's cool. Like if we were getting coffee. I know. What I'm saying is that, you know, it's always like this. No, I'm not taking any bait. I'm just sitting here. I know, but you came with an agenda. What's the agenda?

The same one I came in with last time, which I was unsuccessful. It didn't work. Which is just to let him attack and do his thing and not get riled up. Oh, my God. It's so fucked. Because your audience just wants to defend him so much, and they don't understand all the subtext and the context and the and the years of just just you know beating beating beating and then every now and then being like oh oh you're like an anomaly because you booked a couple of shows you're really great and then just beating and beating and beating and beating and beating and beating

oh you're making a joke say you're nerd shit say you're fucking nerd shit even now even doing the impression of getting riled up oh right right right i love it right. I love it. And it's not going to happen. It's going to happen. It's going to happen, but it's not going to happen. It's already happening. It's happened. It's happened. You're right, Bobby.

Don't you do that. I hate it. I don't hate it either. I know. Pokey, pokey. ZocDoc! Bobby, I'm so glad you're feeling better. You were sick for a while, right? I was so sick, dude.

I had so many ailments within myself. You had a lump in your armpit. I had a lump in my eyes. Yeah, so how did you find a doctor? Because weren't you banging on doors? I was, door to door. But then, you know what I mean? I was praying, and my spiritual advisor came down from the heavens and told me, dude, why don't you do ZocDoc?

And I go, okay, what is it? And he says, ZocDoc is a free app and website where you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online, dude. But if you find a doc, it probably takes a long time to book them, right? No, this is quick, quick, quick, quick, quick. Once you find the doc you want, you can book them immediately, dude, immediately. And you can filter out for those who actually take your insurance and all of them have verified reviews

from actual, real patients. Yeah, but there's probably only a couple of maybe 20 or 30 doctors. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't understand what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that there's tens of thousands of top-rated. That's insane. Okay, so there's tens of thousands of doctors. And specialists.

But if you find somebody, you probably have to wait, what, a week or two before they get to you? No, no, no, no, no, no. You can filter specifically ones who take your insurance or are located near you and treat basically any condition you're searching for. And Rick, and Rick, typically only 24 to 72 hours before you see a doctor. One to three days.

There's a lot of times where I call my doctor. They don't even get back to me for one to three days. You can even score same-day appointments. Whoa. Yeah, dude. Go to ZocDoc.com slash belly and download the ZocDoc app for free. Then find and book a top-rated doctor today. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash belly.

ZocDoc dot com slash belly. Bum, bum, bum, bum. Bum, bum, bum, bum. dot com slash belly. ZocDoc dot com slash belly. If you have an online store, you gotta use Shopify. When I started podcasting on... When I started podcasting, an online store was the furthest thing from my mind.

Well, I guess it's too complicated to build. I mean, you need to learn how to code. I understand this. And now, but check this out, Rick. Now I'm selling all these t-shirts and whatnot. And it's so easy all because I use Shopify. Oh, Shopify. Yeah, that's where, literally, that's my website.

It's so easy. I was able to use all these different templates. I could create my online store. It has all the analytics of where people are from and what they're buying. I could even look into the carts when people bought stuff, but they didn't close out. If I want to say, hey, you still have items in your cart. Why don't you buy them? Shopify is the best global commerce platform.

And correct me if I'm wrong. It doesn't matter if you're gay, straight, if you're black, you're white, if you're Asian, if you're all of them. If you're all those things, Shopify will let you build a website with them. It doesn't matter if you're selling soap, outdoor outfits, bikinis. As long as it's one of those three, right? One of those three. Yeah. And Shopify helps you sell everywhere from their all-in-one e-commerce platform to their in-person POS system.

Whatever you're selling, Shopify has got you covered. And I'm going to say this, POS system, wherever, whatever you're selling. Shopify has got you covered. And I'm going to say this, Rick, I'll double down on you, dude. We've been using this before they even sponsored the podcast. It looks so good. That's why, because it's Shopify. It's hot. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I don't know if you, but I don't want you to lie to people.

I'm not. The website, it wasn't a custom, like it was just from their templates and stuff. I'm telling you, it's legit. The beginning of this podcast. It's an incredible website. That's how I found out about you guys. That's where I got these clothes. I'm telling you, it's legit. The beginning of this podcast. It's an incredible website. That's how I found out about you guys. That's where I got these clothes. I know, Jude.

Shopify, dude. Tell them more, Gil. Sign up for a $1 per month trial period at shopify.com slash tigerbelly, all lowercase. Go to shopify.com slash tigerbelly now to grow your business no matter what stage you're in. Shopify.com slash tigerbelly. Belly. Belly. Pokey Pokey. How's your girlfriend from

England? Good? We haven't been dating for a long time. We broke up a long time ago. I don't talk about my first time in life. I know. I'm sorry. I don't talk about my first time. I'm sorry. What happened? What happened? Why don't you check your first time. Oh, I'm sorry. What happened? What happened? Why don't you check your text messages?

All right. Oh, you told me? I said, hey, buddy, a couple years ago, I'm going through a really hard time, and I could use a friend who's known me for a while. Do you mind talking? Please, Bobby, please. I need help. Bobby, please, please, please.

Bobby, could you please help me? Bobby, hello? Hello? Maybe this isn't your number anymore. Bobby, hello? Hello? Please don't do this. Whatever you're doing right now, don't.

Okay. But I'm so good to see you. How do you rate Bobby on a scale of one to ten as a friend? We need more parameters for what we define as a friend. Where has he come through for you and where has he really fallen short? Okay. You know, Bobby and I, Bobby? Bobby.

And I have an interesting relationship where our friendship was never defined as a traditional, from my view, friendship. So, like... It's okay. It's not your fault. Yeah. And have you got your tics again? Your little mind tics?

You know, I think about this stuff all the time, not particularly with Bobby, but like friendships and when expectations are fair to have and when they're projections and like what you want out of somebody. And if two people offer value to one another, then that could be enough,

but it doesn't mean that these people are going to be people that are able to come through on certain things and you just have to better kind of accept and understand what these relationships are and in what level is it an acquaintance to a friendship to a good friendship to like a family thing and there's there's a lot of moments like you came on my podcast very early on in my podcast and and guess what you're welcome and you haven't thank you yeah and it was that was a i'm saying a

nice thing like that was you really helped me out with that. And I know that at the comedy store, you've, you've tried to talk to people before, but like, Hey, Rick's really funny. You should like, you've, you've done really nice things that, uh, at least at the time in people weren't doing for me. Um, but also you don't write me back. You didn't know that I broke up with this girl a couple years ago, and we've talked about it literally on the podcast and in person multiple times. So I would say that we're friends, but I wouldn't ask you to take me to the airport. Is he an acquaintance, casual friend, close friend? Let's say acquaintance.

No way. At minimum, casual friend. Let's see what friend. Ooh, let's say acquaintance. He's at, no way he's, at minimum, casual friend. Let's see what casual friend is. Have common interests? No. Activities and concerns? I guess we have common concerns, being in the same room with each other. Meet more frequently than acquaintances?

No. Praise and encourage each other in achievements? Yeah. Not serious about each other emotionally? Yeah, maybe we're casual. No. Let's see what close friends are. I think we're between close and casual.

Close friends. Because I'll tell you, may I say something? May I? Yeah. Thank you. I love you so much. I really do. I care about you.

In fact, if your little itty bitty body got hurt. What? No, like, you know what I mean? You got a tragedy. I don't even talk like that. All right, all right. Anyway. What are you saying?

I don't know, but you were run over by a steam truck. No, you got run over by a steam truck. All right, well, we both were. You got run over more. And it was just my foot. And it was your whole leg. Oh, your foot and my leg. I'll compromise.

That's how much I love you. Okay. We're in a steam truck. Just a couple toes. Run over my leg. I'll compromise. That's how much I love you. Okay. We're in a steam truck. Just a couple toes. Run over my leg, only your foot. A couple toes. A couple toes, right?

You could still walk. Yeah. But I would, and I'm flat. Yeah, yeah. What's your leg? I'm flatter than I'm flat now. Oh, like,

are you talking about like, like a bad guy in Naked Gun? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm flat, right? But I would still be concerned. Steamroller, bad guy in Naked Gun. I, yeah, yeah. So I'm flat, right? But I would still be concerned. Steamroller, bad guy in Naked Gun? I would still be more concerned. How are your toes?

Oh, that's nice. And I'm dead. Then I die. Oh, wow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe we're intimate friends. I don't know. Or should we say, are you looking it up?

So close friends is mutual interest in life goals and work mutually towards reaching those goals. A little vague. Often share similar values, ideals, and worldviews. I don't know any of your values. And I've asked. I could share some of mine. Let's see if we can, my values.

Is this to kind of define a friendship as closer? Now is this what this episode is basically? Yeah. I'm wondering. Because outside of work stuff, I like. Amigo, amigo, amigo. That's friend in Mexico Or is he just your playmate?

Are you just his playmate? He is a playmate I don't know if it's just But he is a playmate Yeah Yeah So here's a deal Like when I ask for stuff

That's not podcast stuff Like lunch or kicking it Or like Like we see each other At the comedy store And I go Do you want to go out In the parking lot

And do bits? It's Never said that You've never done that. Never done bits. Or are you doing an impression of me by doing this? No, I'm not doing that. That's insane.

Here's how you do an impression of a white person. Yeah, yeah. No, I never did that. Buddy, I ask you to go in the parking lot and do bits all the time. I seem to remember me inviting you to a late night dinner after with a bunch of guys and you didn't go. Maybe. I don't remember when, but maybe. You said no.

Maybe I didn't want to go to dinner. My invite is always there. When did you invite me to dinner and how many times have you done it? But also, that's okay. Okay. Okay. Tell me some of your values, dude. Here's some of my values. Let's be real. Let's not fuck around here. You've been real of your values, dude. Some of my values.

Let's be real. Let's not fuck around here. You've been real the whole time, dude. Okay. That's why I'm unbuttoned. I'm like my acoustic. I think all life matters. Now, that's a weird way to say it.

All lives do matter, but I'm just saying. Are you anti-Israel? No, no, no, no. No, I never said that. I never said that. Yeah, you're right. You're right. Here's what it is.

I have empathy toward things like animals and people in need. Good. That's a value. Yeah. Yeah. Do you have the same? Yeah. I don't know if that.

Put that down. Put that down. Rick loves dogs. I don't know if that's a value. You just have some empathy and that's great. But like, I mean, yeah, okay. I guess that's a value but like are you i can't imagine you associating with anybody who's just like shooting dogs and i

take that back i guess your hometown okay that's just a nutrition joke that's a nutrition joke no but you know i know okay i know for comics that go i don't like animals right or like cats i don't like oh i know i know a couple I want to name names, but I know a couple that I was like, no, fuck animal. I hate them. You know what? Name names and not later.

Name them right meow. Name them. No, no, no, no, no. I was just doing a meow joke. No, we don't talk about other people. Okay, anyway. I want to know who doesn't like animals. I made it up.

You know what? You just did the first value. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Accountability. Accountability. Thank you. How about you?

Accountable what? Accountable what? Accountable what? So accountability. Do we, right? Yeah. How about achievement? Those Fs are big ones. Fun, friendship, family.

Those are probably the big three. Freedom is too. Yeah, you know, we're great. We're lucky enough. Do you love freedom? Yeah, yeah.

Shut that down. Ting. Right? But most people do. How about love freedom? Yeah. Yeah. Shut that down. Ting. Right. But most people do. How about just learning? You love to learn. I like to learn. I like to.

To learn. Same value. Would you say that you're open-minded? Very open. Would you say that you're caring? Oh, yeah. Yeah. I feel like we hit all these marks.

Would you say that you're power? This is a weird evaluation. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Core values. Power. I don't believe in power. Really? Because almost every podcast starts off with you telling everybody to shut up until you're

done talking. That's a big power move. I think that's your number one value. Oh, no, stop, stop, stop. Oh, stop. Yeah, yeah. Control her. Control her.

I'm not going to stop. Stop, stop, stop, stop. Yeah, show your power. I'm not going to. You know what? What's that? Are you going to be open-minded right now, or are not going to stop. Stop, stop, stop. Yeah, show your power. I'm not going to... You know what? What's that? Are you going to be open-minded right now or are you going to get defensive?

Is defensive okay? No. Because that's one of your core values. I think now you're getting me riled up. I think right now you want a war. I don't want a war, buddy. All right. I want a collaboration.

I like that too. You want to collaborate? Sure. Okay. Take that down. Yeah. Control him too. That's collaborate sure okay take that down yeah control him too that's not controlling take it down please horse take it down please thank you

take it down please hey let's move on from you know what fuck it let's move on. You know what? Fuck it. Let's move on. We'll say we're between casual and close friends. Oh, wow. Good. And then we have to kind of get to better understand each other's values. And you know what else, which makes a friendship more important, is showing up for one another. There's bringing value to the table, which, you know, like I'm friends with people specifically because they're funny.

And that's not enough for a close friendship, but I enjoy their company. They enjoy mine. I consider them friends because we've known each other for a while. That's fun. So offering value to one another and being able to offer value in return is important.

But then like showing up and whatever that might look like whatever you're how are you for example if your eyes were open when i was talking to you would be a decent version of that writing back you know showing up uh i don't know if you're the best show or upper yeah you're probably right bring up that accountability again? A little ding? Ding. But out of all my friends who show up the least, I'm probably closest with you.

You know? Well, that feels good. Yeah, because I've accepted that when I see you at the club or something, you'll leave. You won't want to do bits. You don't message back. But I don't expect that. I'm not a bit

guy whenever you ask me to come on your podcast well yeah i don't do the funny you know the little antennas and you know i mean you're running around doing a character in the parking lot that's not what the bits i do in the parking lot i know but i'm just saying you know i mean i want you typically their fame oh yeah yeah okay i'm not a bit guy all right i don't think you're a bit guy I'm actually flattered It's like when people don't know I'm Jewish It's like What am I passing as?

Are you? I'm as Jewish as I am a bit guy Wait hold on I can't hear you I want to thank you for also hooking me up with Bobby Altaf. That was nice. Do you have anything to do with that or no? Kind of, but no. So she actually reached out to me because I'm just trying to,

I'm wondering if this is something to censor, but it's something bad. She said, because she was asking you about coming on and thought that you were maybe a little mean and aggressive toward her. Before I did it. Before you did it. Yeah. And then she didn't want to, she's like, I'm not even going to ask again. And then she asked me, and I said, will you read it to me?

And I'm like, oh, that's how he texts. That's how he talks. He's a very, very nice guy. Why don't you punctuate? I think that's a problem. He doesn't punctuate. And I should put more emojis, maybe. Yeah, you put it all in caps, and you call her the N-word.

No, that's not what I'm doing. I'm just telling you, it's here study. I did not do that. I did not do that. Why do you do that? That's a bit, because he's doing a bit, because he's a bit guy. Or he's completely clueless, and he just was pretending to salute the fear. Can I just say something, right?

My elbow, it's missing cartilage. I always wave like this. Okay. I have a weird carpal tunnel syndrome. Why do you have to have your fingers locked open? Because I have arthritis as well. He does have arthritis. Yeah, so this is how I wave

to everybody, not just to the Jews. But I'm like, but she may have anyway. She already reached out before I even talked to her, but she was a little like, well, it was a pleasant time, and thank you so much for your help. I didn't really help. I just stood up for my friend.

Mmm. I like to highly recommend a movie that- Is it close or casual? If I were talking about Bobby to somebody, I wouldn't say casual friend. I would say my friend. If they said, are you guys close? I wouldn't want to lie, but I wouldn't negate them.

So I would try it with me. How well do you know him? Are you guys super close? I've known him for a really long time. I really like Bobbyby would you be able to um send a text out on my behalf yeah oh yeah i was just talking about the close thing but yeah i'll send texts all the time people ask for tech stuff but you know what i don't do i don't give people people's info that's great either i actually always wait and I ask permission. Even when they're two close friends of mine. When they're two close friends of mine and I don't know what their relationship is, I'll

send a, I send a message to the other person that said such and such wants your number. Is it cool if I give it to them? A hundred percent. Like I think, I don't know who taught me that when I was young, but a hundred percent I'm with you on that. In fact, I'm a little annoyed when people get a hold of me and I'm like, who gave you my number? That's why I do it. How do I get my number? Yeah. So I would forward a text or a forward email. Hey, I want to ask Bobby something. Will you ask for me? I don't know if I would necessarily put in a recommendation. I wouldn't lie and say I would. I'll say I'll

forward an email, but I'm not going to necessarily put in a recommendation unless I really meant it. My last text to you was permission, asking you permission to. Oh, I forgot to write you back about that. Yeah,

give you some, and because you didn't, I never gave the info. I have to look into that because I don't know who it is, but thank you. Yeah. Well,

fortunately for me. Theme. Fortunately, theme-ster. Fortune theme-ster. I love her. Good friend? Not really.

She's great. I love her, though. I've had this... The number I have is my first number. Oh, wow. Right? So it's like... And this is 20 plus...

You know, whatever. How long I've had it, right? So it's like... I get texts from people from 18 years ago I give the number to. Yeah. I mean, if you look at my texts, they're from 18 years ago I give the number to. Yeah, I mean, if you look at my texts they're from 18 years ago.

You haven't even responded. I know. If I look at, I don't know where my phone is, but it's upstairs. But my point is, what are you talking about, dude? I respond to you all the time.

I called you the other day. I did. For what? What was it about? Oh, he wanted to borrow, he wanted to borrow my underpants. Yeah, that's right. Oh, for what? He pooped in to borrow my underpants. Yeah, that's right. Oh, for what?

He pooped in his pair of underpants? I did. Do you still only have one pair of underpants? Yeah. That's crazy. Do people know about that? Bobby literally has one pair of underpants. He washes.

Yeah, yeah. I have them on now. Me undies? I had two hours of sleep last night, and then you came in with the same energy as i am now right so we're both meeting us each other on a level of like sentences i thought you'd say something else i thought you say something else very good let's pivot let's pivot i would highly recommend friends i'm moving we're friends a movie i discovered it's called godzilla minus one did you see it yet

you discovered yeah can i tell you something, Rick? I already know based on what just happened. I know what happened. You recommended it to him. He didn't want to watch it. A while went by. He ended up watching it. He's forgetting that you recommended it,

and now you're feeling a little resentful. No, no, no. Not only... It's beyond that. You brought it up. He made me edit out the part of the podcast where I recommended it to him because he was making fun of me for even recommending it at

all. Would you say Bobby is a close friend or a casual friend? Unfortunately, beyond intimate. But beyond intimate, does that mean once you get beyond intimate, it starts back over again? It just goes straight. I don't know. It's just beyond. It's too close, I would say. So Godzilla minus one. Yeah. He texted George, Gilbert, and then me and said, you have to take the part out where you recommended it to me and I shit on the movie. I did not do that. How dare you? Why? Because he ended up liking the movie, so

but if you didn't like the movie, you would have been okay shitting on it. Okay, you want the truth then? Yeah. I'll give you the straight up Yeah, you can handle the truth. By the way, I'm glad you said that. Thank you. A Few Good Men. I love that movie. Hated it.

What? I had never seen A Few Good Men. What's going on with your fingers? I've never seen A Few Good Men, and I saw it. I'm like, I've never seen this movie, and I know that Aaron Sorkin wrote it. Yeah.

And I watched it,. The performances are great. I thought Tom Cruise was excellent. Jack Reacher. Jack. So you re-watched it? I never saw it before. Saw it for the first time. Yeah, and so I watched it.

Because I know that Jack Nicholson, you can't handle the truth! You know what I mean? These are iconic things. And I thought that at the end, when fucking Jack Nicholson was doing this when he finally he he he falls into tom cruise's trap too easy spoiler alert it's been out since 1982 man i don't think i'm doing anything you just saw it damn damn that's true few good men minus one.

Yeah, yeah. I just felt like the turn, his turn, I didn't believe it. I was like, why would he just admit that it was a... Dude, it happens on all the procedurals, too. My parents love watching them. They're interrogating somebody. Yeah. Like, you did it, didn't you?

You did it. And they're like, yeah, I did it. I did it because she never even looked me in the eye. And it's like, what are you doing? I know, what are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What are you doing?

Because she did look him in the eye. Yeah. I'll tell you, we have a few good men, but even less good writers on those shows. No, not all of them. Not all of them. But it's the tone. But if you're watching a procedural show, I would buy it.

I'd be like, okay, I'm watching Chicago Mad or whatever. Is that one? Yeah, but with cops, you would maybe do Chicago PD. I'm not being a smart ass. They have a Chicago everything. They have a Chicago everything. Yeah, fire. They have Chicago Baker now.

They have a PD too? Oh, yeah, that's the big one, Chicago PD. That's the big one. Anywho, when you're watching a show like that, you go, okay, well, I know they have to churn these out in a week. But Aaron Sorkin, you think, I just found it to be...

But it was still great performances, I guess. Aaron Sorkin, what a guy. You know him? I wouldn't say we're close friends, but I've seen his stuff. Yeah, me too, man. I will actually just edit out Sorkin. Just say Aaron. Alright.

I love his stuff. Anyway, Godzilla plus one. Minus one. No, it was in between. Oh, you said, I'm glad you said that when I said I can't handle the truth. Oh, because you wanted to talk about that. Well, I'm getting my nails done tomorrow. Yeah. What are you going to do to them?

I'm going to get just a different color. Cool, cool, cool, cool. Are you going to go with the red we talked about? No. It's too big. It looks too big. It's too loud. Could we do this again?

Could we start again, but let me be like, and also know that I am, I'm just such a nice guy. And I'm going to come in here, and I'm going to gonna be such a nice guy and I want you to treat me like it's nice that's right that's right that's right all right intro me though like intro like I'm a nice guy well don't go out of it don't go all the way out though we'll just go by the door as if you're coming in all right yeah all right are you excited to see Rick I just want to believe that I'm coming into a new set. Yeah. All right. Are you excited to see Rick? I just can't believe.

Do we get a new publicist? Because how the hell did we get Rick Glassman? Well, he's our friend. A close friend, I think. Well, one of the nicest guys. And, you know, I'm so glad that he spent so much time. He's so busy, I mean, and he's found time to do our podcast today. I think he's actually here, George.

Oh, really? That's unbelievable. How about a philanthropic... Hi, Rick! Oh, my God. Hey, buddy! Wow! Come on in. Sit down. What's up, dude? Rick Glassman, everybody.

How are you, dude? Good. Sorry, I had to change my shirt. I was giving soup out to black people, and I spilled a little. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you don't even have to add that in, because I justilt a little. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you don't even have to add that in because I just know

that you do that every day. I do like to give soup to black people. Yeah, yeah, I know you do. Start over. What's the shirt? Get out. Start over.

You can't do that. That's not nice. I think it is nice. You're making assumptions that black people like soup or something. What is it like soup? I don't know,

but it's not a thing. Go ahead. It's wrong stereotype. Yeah but it's not a thing. Go ahead. Wrong stereotype. Yeah, it's not a thing. Go back. I can't believe who we got today on the podcast.

I know, I'm so excited. Sir Rick Glassman. Wow. One of the nicest guys. Oh my God, there he is, Rick.

What's up, dude? One of the nicest guys in the world. Thanks for finding the time to do our podcast. I'm glad. Sorry I was a little late. I was helping black people move. But it's a pleasure to be here. I do our podcast. I'm glad. Sorry I was a little late. I was helping black people move.

But it's a pleasure to be here. I love your podcast. Yeah. I love your podcast. Thank you so much. Well, welcome back. Yeah. Welcome black is what I said to these men who...

Welcome black Connor. Yeah. Hey, teach. Hey there, teach. That's what those guys were saying to me Hey teach How to season a pan I think you're moving black people

Yeah but I got them these cast iron pans And you need to Season cast irons correctly Thank you so much you're so nice thanks for being here What's been going on Let's see Between helping black people move and giving them soup, I've just been, I've had no free time. Rawr.

Dude. Dude. What did I say? Rawr. Rawr. Rawr. Are you okay, man? I'm not okay.

I'm so tired. What was that? I don't know. Oh, my God. I think I'm so mad. You're doing one of those things with the wow. I want to growl at him,

but then wow came out, so it was a combination. I'm so sorry. I don't want to do this anymore. We don't have to do that. I don't want to do this. Nice guy, Rick. It's so stupid. All right, cool. I this anymore. We don't have to do that. Yeah, I don't want to do this. Nice guy, Rick. It's so stupid.

All right, cool. I'll be mean Rick. No, just be yourself. I think, you know, I don't know. Always myself. I know you are. But what am I? Myself.

I know. Keep it in. Can you explain to me what that means? What? I keep hearing that. I know what you are, but what am I? It's an old joke structure to keep things in loop. I know you are, but what am I? And then you were to say a jerk. Oh, I know you are, but what am I? It's an old joke structure to keep things in loop. I know you are, but what am I? And then you were to say, a jerk? Oh, I know you are,

but what am I? You're an asshole. Oh, I know you are, but what am I? Oh, okay, I get it, I get it, I get it. It's like whatever bounces off me sticks to glue better than me, other than you. But you know what drives me crazy more than that? Brittany's what? No. It's when people say, that's what she says.

Yeah, it's a little, yeah. It drives me crazy. It's so cringe at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what she said. Yeah, it's a little, yeah. It drives me crazy. It's so cringe at this point. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's what she said. Yeah. Like, I pumped the air with tire. Yeah.

What? I'm sorry. Play it out, play it out. Wait, wait, wait. No, no, no, no, no. Pump the air with tire. That's what she said. Yeah, that's like one of the very few examples of where that doesn't work.

She never said that. I know. She's never said. That's that's like one of the very few examples of where that doesn't work. She never said that. I know. She's never said. That's what I'm saying. Can I pull this out? People will say things, right? It doesn't make any sense and it drives me crazy. The air would tire.

That's what she said. Anyway, I just don't like it. Stop doing it, everybody. Well, I mean, at this this point it kind of belongs to michael scott you know like he didn't create that joke but it is what he said yeah in fact all the hacky things the comic do you have you heard this yet i mean because you've been comedy for how long now uh march of 2007 right so when today yeah like if you saw a comic do something hacky like um hey don't heckle me when i'm working i don't go to the mcdonald's clap the dick out of your mouth yeah

yeah stuff like that love it i think it's so funny i'm not honest honestly i i am so in tune to why people do that and when they don't realize that other people aren't in tune to that, I just think it's so funny. I really, really do. I think I'm watching a great actor play a character of a hacky person, and I enjoy it. You don't think you can come up with something on your own

that's original or something? No, that person can't. At least not yet. But then do they still get the occasional like big laugh? Yes. And I think it's hysterical.

Yeah, yeah. Or they go, they'll say something gross or a joke that's gross. I'm available for children's parties? Oh my God. Or when they come back

to their seat, like, what did you, where were you? Just taking a big fat stinking shit? I still do that. Yeah,

Bobby does that. Or like, if you show your pubes because you're, fat, stinking shit? I still do that. Yeah, Bobby does that. Or like if you show your pubes because you don't know how to get them back. I like how this is going today, but it's weird. It's a weird one, right? But I don't know. Instead of judging it, right,

I think it's still going to play really well. It's just not like, you know, bam, bing, bam, bing, bam. You know what I mean? What does that mean in Korean? In Korean, it means, you know what I mean? Bam, bam, bam, bam. My point, though, being is that, you know, a lot of times we'll do a podcast and then I'll be like, huh, that was weird. And then people love it. I've had podcasts the same. This wasn't about the product. This was about I'm not able to be here.

I felt unable. It wasn't just like thoughts with any narrative. Like there was, I used to see these shapes and these shapes would fall. And it happened mostly like when I was trying to sleep. Like triangles and a lot of lines. I love triangles. Well, it's the best angle for effort.

I know. And I, you know, for a guy who doesn't do bits, you sure do them at the wrong time. I get embarrassed a lot with like fan interactions. A lot. I walk out of the situation

always being like, ooh, like I botched that one or I bungled that one or I seemed really this way or that way. I can relate to that. And they're like, it's weird because it's like you said, you've done a lot of work to do better in social interactions and I crumble a lot still. For someone that's in front of a camera constantly,

I'm really terrible in real life. I think because of, like, specifically with fan interaction, I don't want to be perceived like I'm a dick, so I... That must be a challenge. That must be a challenge. You know, you're being rude.

What are you talking about? I'm sorry. You're right. I've seen you in the comedy store hallway sometimes i i don't set boundaries with people you don't oh my god right so it's like i let people interrupt me at meals no no not just one person like we recently had dinner and i'm not kidding you maybe 15 people and this is in the span of like a 45 minute meal and bobby just mid-chew would just get up and say okay take a picture take and it was just why were so many people coming up to him did they see you on my podcast or something i love you so much holy shit you're good thank you no do you feel

absolutely not go ahead do i feel what how do you feel in those moments when you're like mid-chew and well i for me it's like i um there's only a couple of instances one at an aa meeting i went to la jolla and i went to a meeting and they had like a rehab take a bus to the meeting so those are these young people at this, you know, they're in rehab. And one kid went apeshit in the meeting. I was sitting with my old friend Spike. Shout out Spike, by the way. Yeah, shout out Spike.

So in the 80s, this guy I knew in AA back then. So I was sitting in the meeting and this kid comes up and he wanted a photo. And I almost did it, but I went, dude, I would love to, but not in this setting. Like, I don't do it here. That's how I felt when I met Arnold Schwarzenegger when we were both getting an MRI at the same place. I can't do this here.

But I've since had him on my pod two days ago. Comes out soon. Maybe it'll be out in February. Oh, my God. Well, you just had Arnold Schwarzenegger at your house? Mm-hmm. Wow. That's great.

And Will Smith. Congratulations. Will Smith was a while ago and I haven't put it out. Why not the Will Smith? Because we did a first part and we're supposed to do a second part

because the first part isn't a full podcast and now he's just not getting back. And I'm like, maybe I put it out on something and I thought about

putting it on Patreon at least. How long is the first one? I mean, if I show everything, it's under 40 minutes, but what I have is 20 some minutes. Like, I have is 20-some minutes. We're supposed to be part two. No, I would just put that out.

He's not coming back. Yeah, now you have a pre-slap and post-slap. Yeah, I don't want to get into any of the bullshit stuff because it's like, I wouldn't say that he's a close friend, Will Smith. But the Arnold one comes out second week of February. Wow, congratulations. Very excited. It's amazing.

Was he nice? Yeah, he's a fucking, he knows what he's doing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's a pro. He's a pro. Did you smoke a cigar or anything? He brought a cigar. I wouldn't let him smoke it.

Wow, that's crazy. He had it the whole time. He literally had a cigar the whole time. I'm not going to let him smoke the cigar in my place. It's Arnold Schwarzenegger. Yeah, you do. You know, I played Magic last night with Joe Maganello. I love him. Who

I found out also because we were talking about Arnold, they're friends. And Arnold wrote a foreword in his book. So I'm like part, I'm like, I'm in this big strong guy world now. And I'm thinking about just getting into strong guy stuff. For real. What's strong guy stuff? Just getting jacked. Getting jacked.

Are you going to go natty or are you going to take the stuff? I don't drink. Your chest is inverted. No, Rick is lean. No, it's inverted. I just did a cleanse. I can show you some pictures of me pretty big. Do I send them to you? You put them up?

Or do you guys want to see them? Wait, what's the road map for getting jacked? Well, getting my shoulder and elbow fixed, which I've been working on for years. And then just lots of protein and fat and lots of... I'm going to get into creatine. That's it. My testosterone is already real high. Fucking high.

I thought you said your estrogen was too high. My testosterone and estrogen are both high. My estrogen has been calming down. After this, I don't know. But I want to show you some pictures of me pretty big. Hey, look at me. Oh, thanks for doing that. I realize that I date a lot of guys with really wide and fat tongues.

That's good. Good for you. It's a good trait. Would you say that that is a value that you two share? Yeah, it is. Dating guys with fat tongues? You think my fat tongue is flat? Yeah, it's really wide and flat.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And really thick. There's nothing I can do about it. No, there isn't. I don't want you to do anything about it. What could you do about it? You know what I don't want you to do anything about it What could you do about it? You know what I've been doing lately Is I've been watching Planet Earth

And these types of BBC And I fast forward Big Black Cocks? Because I just gave some soup to one of them recently And let's just say he helped me move Bow movement Because he fucked me in the ass is that joke Yeah I like that

You get it Now let me show you a picture of me with my shirt off. Can I finish my point with that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. And I've noticed I fast forward

during any of the scenes where like the antelope is being chased by the cougar or whatever or whatever and I don't want them, I just, it causes me like panic. You know what I mean?

Like, you know, sometimes like when like, you know, a lizard you know sometimes like when like you know a lizard is born and then they have to run to an area but there's snakes chasing the little baby lizards right and so i have to fast forward because i can't see and then sometimes they catch the thing you know i mean but it breaks my heart you've grown then you've changed because you used to be all about tragedy porn yeah i, I can't do it. It really just, I fast forward through it. You used to be the guy who was like, watch this beheading.

Remember? Yeah, sorry. Buff pictures, go ahead. I had some better ones with veins. I can't find them. Oh, Jesus Christ, help me, Lord. Holy shit, that is you. Yeah, it looks good, right?

Yeah, dude. Here's a newer one. This one's kind of, you can't quite see, but you can see some abs and a good arm. Oh, yeah, you got lats, good lats. Let me see, let me see. Lats are good. Oh, yeah, you're good.

Yeah, I want to get into that stuff, and then I want to go on stage with my shirt off and maybe put a mohawk on or something. Oh yeah, do it. Change your thing. I want maybe a big gold chain, a mohawk. Jamar? Yeah.

What about him? Be like a Jewish Jamar Navers. What about Jamar? He has a mohawk and he's buff too. It's been done. Been there, done that. Fuck, I'm still going to do it. I'm going gonna go on stage

And maybe I'll do a backflip Or as I used to call it A black That's great May I ask you something about Maybe bleep that Maybe ask The

Maybe ask you something about your face Oh No, but the eyebrow Do you shave that Or has it always been that large gap there? I have a scar Are you talking about the scar? No, but do you have a unibrow

Or is that Do you shave it? I don't shave it Oh, I like the gap It's pretty cool Do you have a scar. Are you talking about the scar? Do you have a unibrow or do you shave it? I don't shave it. I like the gap. It's pretty cool. Do you have a scar on your chin? I do. What gap? Are you talking about right here? Yeah. That's a scar. Oh, it is? Yeah, from Jeremy Irons. Oh, Jeremy Irons did that? Wow. Yeah, I can show you a picture of that too.

What's the chin one from? A buddy of mine now, I don't know, I'll just say his first name, David, in third grade tripped me in the gym. Oh, wow. I'm sorry. David Koch kicked me in the nutsack. How do you know David Koch? Oh, that's why they used to call him David Kickum in the crotch. Yeah, yeah. I stumbled over that one, huh? I was playing softball. How old were you? Elementary school. And I remember

I was running from first base to second base and he just kicked me in the crotch. Does it already hurt at that age? Oh my God, painful. Yeah?

No? Yeah, it does. Painful. It's got to still hurt, right? It's a new kind of pain. What did you do to retaliate? I fell on the ground and started crying.

Nice retaliation. That's how I got him back. Right back at you. In your face, David. Did anyone intervene? No. What the fuck? No one ever did.

Oh, wait. This might be from a John Candy rap. So I can't, I don't want to talk over it. We made this for a song about John Candy with. So I can't, I don't want to talk over it. We made this for a song about John Candy with Lisa Gilroy. I love her. She is so funny.

Dude, I left a comment or something on her and I go, I just think Did she get mad at you? No. Oh, you mean her social.

Her social. I think you're just so talented. Like, I rarely do that, but it's like, she did a video, and I know she's married and stuff like that but like what does that have to do with that

if you just think you're talented I don't want people to think that I was hitting on her or anything I see but yeah okay I see your angle now but you were just telling her she was talented is that the arthritis

yeah dinosaur hands no what I'm saying is that no I don't want people to think that I was like I think she's talented but she's married. She's married.

No, that's... No, you know, because sometimes, like, it can be construed that way, you know what I mean? If I'm like... Because she's attractive, too, so, you know what I mean? But I just think she's super talented. Yeah. And I rarely do this, but I comment and I go...

And then she commented back, whatever. Thank you. Hopefully, I'll meet you one day, but... But, unfortunately, I'm married. Oh, God. This you. Hopefully I'll meet you one day. But unfortunately, I'm married. Oh, God. This is not working out today. Yeah, I mean, there's a crop of people. Sorry, I don't want to.

Dude, you're on tilt right now. There's a crop of people. It's like, what am I, Taryn Killam and you're me? Remember? Yeah, I know. This is a crop on young people that are so super talented.

You know, I just hosted an award show. I know, I saw that. And I had two and a half days notice because people, I don't know how many people backed out. Wait, can you help me understand why everyone was on either 10-day, 5-day, 2-day notice

for the awards. I know Joe Coy was 10 days. Yeah. And then me. Who had backed out? I do know one of the people that backed out, but I just don't want to say now. Okay. He's one of your people, though.

And, yeah, Ronnie. But when he backed out, by the way, he backed out right around Christmas. So I don't know why I didn't find out. Maybe they were like trying to ask other people and nobody would do it. And then like, we got two and a half days left. Because the guy that asked me to do it said that he asked the people they wanted me to do it.

But they're like, we don't know who he is. And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So then when there's two and a half days left, he's like, I'm telling you, let's have him. And they go, okay. But I loved it so much. And it feels so different from stand-up, even though you're on stage performing. And it got me into, like, I want to do that kind of stuff.

Oh, you'd be great at that. Hosting stuff like that? Yes, Rick. And I don't mean hosting a comedy show. No, like, you could be a great, fun game show. Even late night. Yeah, late could be a great, fun game show. Even late night. Yeah, late night would be fun, too. But that is, I think it would be great.

I would love to do that. That is this, a little bit more like this skill set, what we're doing here translates into that. It's shorter form. But hosting an event where you're still performing and you're doing monologues and jokes and bits and stuff, but it's not to people who are there to laugh. It's people that are there with a completely different agenda,

which you get to play in that situation. I'm like, I never thought about hosting the Globes or the Emmys or the Oscars, not only because why would they ever ask me to do that, but that wasn't a thing that I was like, ooh, I would want to do that. And after doing this, I'm like, I love it. I love it. Hosting stuff. That doesn't surprise me at all.

There was no stress involved? Yeah, no stress. I did two Asian excellence awards back in the day. But when I did it, you know, Tarantino did it, Danny DeVito. Did you have like an opening monologue? I had the whole thing, right? And I remember it being so stressful while

you were doing it or the preparation all of it it was at the wheel turn right you know i mean and it was like uh i did it twice and it was just like i just remember being so stressed out like i i don't want to do this again but but maybe because you have just a different kind of skill set maybe when they told you it's in two days were you like what i can't do that or were you like yes immediately uh they have the whole award show online it's nice just to be nominated that kelly ho yeah oh i wasn't nominated for anything oh bobby no don no, don't. You're really funny and talented. It's the same dynamic. Look at it this way. Almost half the world's population is Asian.

Why can't they represent? Can you imagine TV with true diversity? Big cheeked and cheeky. If reality shows actually kept it real? Yeah. I don't want to watch this right now. I got a question because this was before Crazy Rich Asians came out and changed everything. Is Crazy Rich Asians your Obama?

I guess. I guess Rich Asians your Obama? I guess. I guess, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, yeah. It's like it was only one, but like, but still. That's our Barack Obama. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I did this, I didn't know what to do, and I wanted to come up with a bit, obviously, like just to come up with certain jokes with two days, maybe. But I found a game where I had Howie Mandel make a video, and he's wearing a tuxedo, and he, I mean, I have it. I don't know if I, by the way, connect it to you? Where's the sound? No sound on it.

Oh, okay. We tried. Boy, did we try. Yeah. Well, anyway, they brought up Howie Mandel, and then Howie didn't show up, and then the stage manager was like, I'm sorry, we can't get started yet, blah, blah, blah.

And then I was in the audience, and I'm like, what are we going to, what is this? Oh, this is how the show starts. Yeah, and then David Sullivan and Brent Morin were there, too, at different tables all around and then Dave's like yeah what's going on and I'm like

we need a host and Brent's like holy shit and blah blah blah and I'm like well you host da da da da da da you know a lot of shtick

a lot of shtick and like you should host it and I'm like I'm a drama actor because I won a drama award I'm like I'm not gonna do it I'm not gonna do it

now who's in the audience at this point? Any notable names? Willem Dafoe, Greta Gerwig. Oh, okay. Yeah, that's... There's people there. And they're like, he's like, why don't you do it?

I'm like, I'm not going to do it. And then everyone's like, yeah, do it. You do it, do it. And I go, stop, stop. And I look at the camera and go, I'll do it and then everyone's like yeah do it you do it do it and i go stop stop and i look at the camera i go i'll do it and here's what up that i just it just felt like like what i love about stand-up is like creating creating uh just kind of situations to play in that's like not what the expectations are yeah but because people are expecting stand-up here it's already built in this is an award show so the idea that of like hosting something that's

not a stand-up so you get to play in the structure of this thing that is unique upon itself by design yeah so you get to live in that thing and it was just so much fun wow um paul giomatti wasn't there to accept his award so i went up and accepted it oh that's so funny and uh i got the whole room to chant paul giomatti oh that's's so great. And the clip I just posted, this clip is awesome. And it's like, and there's Greta Gerwig right there, and she's laughing, chanting Paul Giamatti. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm trying to get him on a podcast.

It's not going to happen. Yeah. But, you know, I got Arnold. Yeah. From that? No. Okay. Anyway, hey, Rick Glassman. makabululi Purong kaya madumdum naging bumbola syukupuki

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