TigerBelly - Ryan Sickler & The TigerBelly Exclusive
Episode Date: March 6, 2024Comedian Ryan Sickler stops by! We chat sad songs, quote time, God bless God, young white toes, Asian yearbook, a bone to pick, afternoon nap face. Download the DraftKings Casino app NOW and use code ...TIGERBELLY. New players get an instant deposit match up to ONE HUNDRED DOLLARS in casino credits when you deposit five dollars or more.
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Music I guess that's why they call it the moon.
Crying like babies.
Dying like grandma.
Mother is dying too.
Cola is great.
Better than Pepsi.
Better than Pepsi. Better than Pepsi.
Um, hello everybody. I just woke up and I'm a super groggy and tired.
Why was time to go to bed?
Pretty early. I'll be honest with you.
I went to Dumb Founder's birthday party last night.
Who was there? Just me and Jean and Aquafina and Anderson Park.
Oh, fancy Asians, the fancy Asians.
The mix and the fancy.
And then it took four hours because, you know,
food comes out slowly.
And then I came home and I was actually eating a pizza.
That's too greasy and then I started watching movies old movies again to get my spirits
high. Which ones? I saw Sexy Beast again. Is that one with Sir Ben Kingsley? That's
right pal and he's so good in this, what a great movie.
I think what happened was they showed me,
my depression started when they sent me a screenshot
of the opening, they did a screen testing
for Drugstore June,
because it's at the Man Chinese Theater tomorrow night.
That's right, I'll be there.
And my head is so big.
Bigger than mine. Oh man, probably twice the size. I mean is the champ man. It's a big screen, but um
It's like a mongoloid
Gigant like it's just the opening shot. Yeah, my down-z mongoloid head. You're the opening shot of the film
Yeah, I just want to say I really feel as though your big head has served you in this industry more than you think it has
Yeah for headbutting executives
Because imagine if you had a little pinhead I don't think that that would be the look for you
What are you looking at
What else what's going on with your heart on the inside? Oh, so dead.
So the big head caused the depression. What else?
The heart's dead.
It's gray and dark.
From?
I don't know, man.
It's just years of just,
years of just existing, man.
You're just that heart dies.
Love loss and um.
Who did you lose you?
Next up but be just hard work. I'm lying anyway
Anyway, what are you looking at man? Man you're negative today
Anyway, what are you looking at man?
Man you're negative today
You're really fucking pushing me today. He's wearing a pink paisley tie. Yeah, look me. He's got kids He's a dad. Oh, no, we oh I with you. You were invited to the dinner last night
Yeah, but I had to take soup to my wife. Well, that's interesting to me because it's like you she she does have fingers
It's called trying to keep my heart alive.
No, no, no.
Let me ask you something.
She doesn't have fingers.
She can't go to Postmates and get a soup.
She can't.
Let me say something, my friend.
What would you rather have?
When the industry, when the Asian industry
invites you to a dinner.
Okay.
You have to go.
If you invite me to dinner, I go.
If Kalai'll invites me to dinner, I'll go.
I'm with Gilbert on this.
I think his wife is number one always in a priority.
Yeah, she's cool.
I like her, man.
I met her before.
She's cool, man.
She's sick?
A little bit.
She's all right.
Well, mostly just not.
I'm not going to say depressed.
Sad.
Her dog died.
No, she had to take its eyeball out.
In nucleation.
So the ball, the dog ran into a corner. Like a corner. And it's a senior dog. I'm so sorry. And so they had to inucation so the ball the ball the dog ran into a corner like a
corner and it's a senior dog and so they had to inucleate the way you really
guess this so that happens the dogs healing for two weeks the dog can't see
so it flings it falls off the stairs just randomly I don't know how other eye
can get hit no they're saying that you should put this is really it's funny but
it's sad it's like the other eye may have to go as well.
This is a span of two weeks.
Is it swollen and red like the other eye?
Yes, and the other vets were pissed at the eye special.
This is a different place.
Oh my God.
That was like they didn't take care of the other eye
because it was susceptible to also getting pierced
because it was not in the best condition.
Oh my God.
Let's fucking turn around.
Well, of course you're not gonna immediately
take out the other eye because it's like
if you can save the other eye and there's still vision there.
A dog with no eyes is...
No, there are quite a few.
Or...
And you know what, they're very Instagram famous.
Go ahead.
There's a plus.
Oh, my family in Wisconsin, they always had a Boston Terrier
and there was one I think called Sprite.
Uh-oh.
And that thing got run over by so many trucks and things.
Like it had no eyes for the last 10 years of its life.
You'd still throw a rock and it'd go run and pick up, grab a rock out in the woods.
And it was the happiest dog ever.
That's what I'm saying.
I love this.
Look at them.
They do look kind of happy.
They're so cute.
What?
Also, can I just plug?
Let me say something real quick, man.
I love this segment called Boring Stories by George.
And we should have a segment.
Sprite.
Sprite.
Right.
I didn't find that boring, George.
I think it was very weird.
And I've learned a lot.
I love it.
Every story is boring with you
because I have to like condense it so much.
That's right.
So much because I know I have 10 seconds.
You have a window.
It's called Meat and Potatoes.
Get to it. How long is George window you feel like two three seconds Jesus?
You got to get to the fucking end that is really like a true anxiety
Having to live with Bobby and if you cannot get your point out in 12 seconds
You'll lose him. Oh, I get more nervous if I have a story ready
Here trying to figure out how to condense it enough that Bobby pays attention to me.
Three, five.
Then at our live shows with that one one.
Like children dying like diers.
Now listen, um, numbers one, I'm so sorry about your wife's dog.
Numbers one.
Numbers one.
Numbers two.
Um, I have a suggestion.
Yeah.
Get sunglasses, a piano and we can put it on the road
Okay
Yeah, yeah, um put that dog on the road now listen. Yeah, I apologize for that and that's that's a
That's a lot. It's a lot and especially because this is a dog who's been with her from the very beginning and it's her
Parents dog too. I think there is that Asian guilt
where her parents left the dog with us
and now the dog could potentially come back
to their parents with zero eyes.
So there's a little bit of that Asian like.
Yeah, I don't think that's Asian guilt.
I think it's just human guilt
that you're returning a dog with no eyes.
Was that Sickler?
No, we'll see.
Right, Sickler.
How'd he do?
You know what?
Really?
We had to give him shit because remember he's the one that broke the story between you and I.
About what?
He got basically a ton of views of the breakup story.
The breakup story, remember he was the first guy that...
Yeah, because you went on his show.
How was it his fault?
Because he asked me.
I don't know, but that's your fault.
He didn't want to say no.
This is a...
What?
You gave him the exclusive.
No, you got mad.
George is free of sin.
I've got a one-sided vendetta against him.
Oh, I love Ryan Sickler.
Also, he's been through a lot like the last couple months.
What happened?
What happened?
He got really sick.
He was...
Is this the same thing where he almost died?
Right?
Is that what he almost died?
I thought that was like a couple of lives.
Yeah, that was like a month ago.
I always thought he was dead
it was just that he just been ghosting around but a lot of you stick is he okay
you should ask I think he asked him about the story he was at the improv
forgot what inch improv but he basically passed out and had everything to the
hospital on screen I mean on screen on backstage no it was a big deal he was in
the hospital I don't give him shit about you giving him the exclusive.
Oh no.
Do you think we should have gone to People Magazine?
Do you think they would have cared about our break?
No.
TMZ maybe?
I don't know.
Nobody gives a shit about me.
Nobody gives shit about me.
Nobody gives shit about me, but you are great.
No, listen, I'm sorry, I just, I'm now slowly waking up and I realized that I slept with him again.
Tell me something, alright?
You slept early though.
This is what happens when he gets too much sleep.
Oh.
The same as when he doesn't get any.
Yeah.
I'm telling you something about that.
Okay.
I want to take that.
What's that drug everyone takes?
Ausempic.
No, the one that like, you see your dad again.
You see your dad again.
A heroin?
No, no, no.
Cocade.
No, the one that, the psychedelic that's from.
Oh, mushrooms.
Ayahuasca.
Ayahuasca.
And who wants to try to get me to do it?
I would be really careful because I've,
through somebody who does a lot,
I know somebody who does Ayahuasca a lot.
And it seems as though this person is just almost
chasing just another outer like drug experience.
Eh, you're live, huh?
Take a while to get here.
Hi.
Ryan Sick, would you take a while for you to get here?
Oh no, there's something going on.
Are you high right now?
No, I'm not high enough.
It's nice to fish today.
Hey, too long!
Listen to me.
I wanna get a high a little bit, cause we love it when we're high. Yeah, sometimes. All right. Listen to me. I had a little bit of love over your time. Yes, I'm hot. Alright.
I'm broke. And I guess that's what it's called.
When I said I guess you knew what the song was.
That's not it. It is. Oh yeah.
There we go. Okay, that part. Time spent with you.
What a great song. Oh wait, I don't know what to hear, I want to hear myself sing
There's another song that I was listening to, Elan John
This one
Blue Eyes
Baby's got blue eyes
I don't know that one
Oh it's so good
I don't know that in either
Yes you do
Can you sing it some more?
Yeah
Well I don't know, although I'll try to make up the lyrics then.
It starts with, blue eyes, baby's got blue eyes, na na na na na na na na na na na na na
When she's riding high and I'm on my own.
Something like that.
That sounds nice. Close. Blue eyes? Anyway. And I'm on my own something like that Close anyway
Blue eyes like a deep blue sea
Oh a blue blue day. Okay good. Anyway, we are Ryan Sinkler for the honeydew positive cast give her a round of applause
So funny about that and also a lot there's a lot of deceivers and liars in this room because I'll tell you this, before you
got here they're like, he almost died.
I did though.
No, I know, but not recently.
Not recently.
You said this month.
No, I said it within the last couple months.
No, that was, how when was it?
It was literally a year ago.
A year ago.
Now.
It was.
So you want to talk about.
It was a year ago? You want to talk about the Civil War and Vietnam then too?
I'm not even talking about it.
Explain your defense.
Yeah, yeah.
My lungs and like officially were clear just a few months ago from the clots.
My back is fucking...
Oh, sorry. Finally better now.
When you say clots...
Yeah.
It seems very dangerous, but we all have clots.
Let's be honest.
No, we don't look.
You hope you don't.
You don't want clots.
I got the blood clots.
OK, let me ask you a question.
Yeah, my answer question.
When a clot dislodges, let's say you have a clot in your calf.
Smarty pants, USA.
Here we go. And it dislodges.
And then the clot makes its way to your brain.
What's that called?
A stroke. OK, now, when the clot makes its way to your brain. What's that called? A stroke.
Okay, now when the clot makes its way to your heart,
what's it called?
Heart attack.
When it makes its way to your lungs?
Lung attack.
Well, let me, let me, I got it.
That's a hard one.
No, no, I got it.
Let me note that.
No, I got it, I got it, it's AIDS.
Is that it?
Is it started?
Is it AIDS?
I have AIDS. You have AIDS in your lung. I'm over over it pulmonary embolism. Yeah, that's a deep
That's actually kind of common
It's wild like again all of it because I don't want to sit and talk about all this crap
But no, I don't all of it was preventable
It was the taking and keeping
preventable. It was the taking and keeping care of me at the hospital that was the issue. Not the surgery. It was the way they did nothing for me to move me. And when I was telling
them, Hey, I have a disease where I'll clot. Don't let me lay here. I'm a ticking time
by eight days. Oh, you're laying there. And I literally sit up and a lady says, Mr. Sickler,
you passed your test, you can go home and I went boom on the bed.
Oh my god.
I said I'm clotting.
She's like what?
They all run in, they say you could be having a heart attack and clotting and then I go
black and when I wake up.
But why did you turn African American then?
Right?
I started hitting them with the, I started banging the mic on my leg.
Getting up out of my bed and clapping and laughing and stomping.
You turned a chappelle. And I wake up and this is what I was telling up out of my bed and clapping and laughing and stomping. You're the chappelle.
And I wake up, and this is what I was telling you out there.
You're lucky to be alive.
And the next 48 hours for you are touch and go and you should make some calls.
So that's when I had to call my daughter's mother and be like, hey.
What else did you call her?
You told me.
Wow, that's, I called Segora and told her.
Tommy Segora, he called.
T-nuts.
I never got a call. You texted me. That's right. called. Tea nuts. I never got gold.
You texted me.
That's right, what did I say?
I don't remember.
I don't even think you texted me, I was just helping.
Yeah, yeah.
I literally just found about it now.
No, Joe Coy.
Joe Coy, I want to give Joe Coy props.
Joe Coy offered to pay for all my medical bills.
Oh my god.
No.
He said, I got the money.
I was like, yeah, I know.
Yeah, he's got lots of money. We know. Yeah, he's got lots of money. We know.
Yeah, he's got lots of money. He shows me.
But I didn't take it. I appreciate the love.
He has a merch money in a fucking basket.
But I will say this, if you want to help me out,
this is how you can help me out.
Oh my god, here we go. Go watch my special.
My special is called Lefty Son.
It's my dad who gave me this blood disease.
And my goal was a million views.
Two weeks in, I'm at 550,000, YouTube comes back and says, never mind.
And they demonetize it. Why? Oh, of course. They didn't say.
It's the same thing we all go through. I appeal it. They say, we've,
we've looked at it and it's so now you have to go find it.
But since the two weeks at 550, 50, what am I at now?
Almost eight, 40.
Yeah.
Let's get it over the line.
My goal was a million and I don't want your money.
I don't want, look, I self produced it.
I directed it.
My friend, Sam, violent edited it.
I was on my back in the hospital dying, making notes on this dumb thing here.
And then YouTube demonetizes.
I'm like, what do you got to do?
Die.
So I
want to get a million views and not for month. I don't get paid off of it anymore. So if I get
a million views, which I was on my way to getting, it would just tell me that people like what I'm
doing and I should do more of it. That's it. Also 800,000 should also give you that. I mean,
a million like what you're doing. That's, that doing. That's a good number, especially after being pulled
out of their algorithms and blah, blah, blah.
And my new podcast, The Way Back,
where we sit on an old school station wagon seat
and we look back, are you old enough,
any of you, to sit in, cause I know Bobby is,
we're about the same age.
How old are you?
50.
52, yeah, we're about the same age.
51.
I thought you guys look amazing.
Yeah, you're not with 50.
Me?
No.
It looks more of 50. I would say it was the white guy over the age. Yeah, you're not with 50. Me? No. It looks more of 50.
I would say it was the white guy over the age.
Yeah, but for a white guy.
Yes.
Really, really good.
For a white guy, dude?
You're killing it.
I got to say this.
I'm an Italian-American.
The only person in my whole family that was in Italian
was my dad's dad, which is where Sickler comes from.
My mom's full blood on both sides.
My dad's mom is full blood.
You have a Italian part that you have.
But my mom's skin, she looks good.
Just the guys in the back.
And I'm like, I hope I got that.
Other fifth year old actors, you guys kind of sit there.
No, this is here, Andrew Lincoln.
Lincoln looks great.
Oh, good.
Thank you for showing everyone that's doing better at me.
I got Steven.
I think I'm better.
I don't know if that's Steve, but I think I got Steven. I think I bet
That's green 50 Wow, how about see if I'm 52 and if I come up because if it doesn't come
52 52 year old actors do it Mark Wahlberg. Okay. Here we go. Go down kind of the same same alright, all right, go down. These are all bigger. Hey, Martin Free. There I am! Yeah, Bobby Lee!
Look how good you look at 52.
There I am!
Makes me judge you, doctor.
You look like you're 22.
I took that when I was 22.
There's something about 52-year-olds
that honestly, look how great everyone looks
on the 52-year-old.
Goddamn.
Sasha and I are the same age?
That's crazy. That's insane. And Stone Street. Congratulations, Stone Street on the 52 year old Sasha and I are the same age. That's crazy. That's insane. It's stone street
Congratulations, don't read on the chiefs winning the Cory Feldman. He went
Yeah, Cory's 52. Oh my god, Tom. There's my boy Craig. We're all the same age. It's long
Benedict along my boy
So far, that's that's good. I got it. Henry Thomas, what a great guy.
My friend Carlotta, who does the voiceover
for The Honeydew, told me a quote one time that I love.
And it's-
We have this quote segment, here we go.
Let me do the music.
All right, really, do you really?
Can I do the music?
Yeah.
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You really? Can I do the music? Yeah.
You really? Can I do the music? Yeah. some comedians because no one gives a shit. Geez. Good.
It's quote time.
Everybody loves quote time.
Is this segment sponsored?
I don't want to step on any sponsors.
It's sponsored by YouTube monetize.
Ha ha ha ha.
Emonitization.
Monetization group.
No, and you'll appreciate this.
You know what I just realized?
We have basically the same color on right now, Bobby Lee
How about that salmon? What do you try to say?
I'm glad I don't look no wait. How's it go? I mean get this right?
I'm glad I don't look like what I've been through
That's the quote. Whoa Clint Eastwood. Look how good you look. Is that what he made?
He made sure who made that?
Great but Clint Eastwood looks like he's been yeah, he looks like what he's been through. I'm not sure who made that. Great quote. But Clint Eastwood looks like he's been through.
He looks like what he's been through.
Oh yeah, that's true.
Yeah, right.
Can't be Clint.
You look 52, also 52 in comedy is like 106 in regular life.
Why do you explain Clint Eastwood?
Just the living hard, eating garbage, being on the road.
You're around, even if you are clean and sober,
you're around alcohol nonstop.
You're around temptation nonstop.
Every time you're out, you're not living easy.
You're not sleeping great.
You're just sitting on planes.
You're just getting in Ubers.
You know, it's hard to maintain exercise,
have a real rhythm, all that stuff.
So I feel like it's dog years.
You know what I mean?
It's a little more on us. I can't believe we're still alive. Is that we were saying? Yeah, you know God bless God
And you know God bless God
Can you do the quote music again and drop that one in the segment?
God bless God. Yeah, wow
God
Who created God?
Man. Hmm.
Whoa, it's a cyclical.
Yeah.
Yeah, we all create each other, huh?
I don't think man. Oh, you don't think God's real?
No, I don't think the God I learned about is real.
I grew up Catholic.
But what God do you believe in? Same here.
I mean, my God is love. I I certainly do not believe we're the only
thing vibrating on this little rock and outer space. I believe there's definitely
something more powerful and bigger than us, but I don't think it's a nameless,
faceless entity that understands every language and every feeling that every
single tiny cell is having and somehow can manipulate it and create it
I don't believe that but I believe even without organized religion
I still believe the overall of mankind would be good people there'd be a little more
Disruption, but I don't think it would be like chaos Wow
Wow, you know what I believe about you and I hmm
So that's not I was watching some movies because I was depressed.
You never told us which one. Sexy Bees?
Sexy Bees, but I also watched a documentary.
I watched things over and over again. It soothes me.
It soothes me.
What do you think that is?
He'll watch all seasons of the West Wing 30 times.
Really?
Not in a row, but like once a year or something.
Really?
Yeah, I just did Sopranos again, but I haven't done it since it ended.
Everyone is back on the Sopranos, so am I.
Yeah, that's great.
My sister is everyone I know.
I just did Breaking Bad again.
Yes, so you have your...
I'm starting Six Feet Under again.
Love that show.
That was so good.
That's a good show.
But I don't do it to that point where like I've done the wire three times
You know what I mean? I mean when I say 30, I think it's about 304
I've lived with you a long time and it's way more than okay
Yeah, good
I was watching the manhunt it's up the doctor was who you have it your eyeballs are vibrating dude I. I know so I don't know what's wrong with me today, but um
What's it going? Oh, yeah, so man. It's not HBO. It's a documentary about the CIA and
The the the the group of people that caught us some of Osama bin Laden for 20 years
Yeah, CIA operatives the intel intel, the people that are out
in the fields, you know what I mean?
And you know what about you and I?
If you and I, the people in the CIA was like you and I,
dude, back then, Osama Bin Laden would be on a beach
right now just relaxing.
We wouldn't have caught him.
We would never caught him.
He would just be like, you know what I mean?
Maui just, ah, you know what I mean?
They would have been like, you know what I mean?
I just don't even know. I don't know how to do any of that.
I don't know. That's what I really want to know.
I would think about it.
If everyone in the room, you know,
he's out.
I think the opposite.
I think either of you would have gone through, like, training
and like the physical
It's about you're a lot more agile than you think no
I'm no it's not maybe your your clotting stuff might be a little bit of a finish
Yeah, he can sit real long every hour and a half. I gotta get up. There's two times people that are out in the field
And then there's the people that at the CIA gathering information. They're mostly women
Right, and they you know they track and, and the board, they put up.
Because they're detail-oriented.
Yeah, they're detail-oriented.
Also, they have patience, right?
And so I didn't think that if Ryan and I-
Dignitance, and their thinkers are reactionary.
They're not reactionary.
Great strategizers.
So if Kim and I, you know what I mean?
Was at the CIA being, you know what I mean?
The thinkers, right? Kim and I would have killed each other like, you know what I mean, the thinkers, right?
Hey, when they would have killed each other, like,
you're a sub-abinlon, no, you're a sub-abinlon.
I mean, we would like, what's with the EIA?
No, I'm not saying you guys would be a thinker.
I think you'd be the bodies on the field.
Like, I think you would be out there.
Field opportunity.
Back in my day, I would definitely have been out in that field.
I was good. I was athletic.
Is that a part of athleticism?
Did you speak Arab?
No. But now we have to learn that. Now we have to learn that. I mean, do you speak Arab? No.
But now we have to learn that.
Lay it out on me too.
We have to learn that.
You know, I don't work with water that well.
Ha ha!
You gotta swim?
No, no, no, waterboarding.
I'm not the bucket, you know what I mean?
The fucking towel.
I don't know how to do anything.
Do you know how to waterboard?
I can figure it out.
Yeah, I don't think it's that hard to learn to waterboard.
Let me tell you something about waterboarding though.
You know what it is, right?
Yes. But they put a towel waterboarding though. Yeah. You know what it is, right? Yes.
But they put a towel on their face.
Yeah.
Right?
Their mouth.
And their mouth.
It's just a drowned.
No.
They can't see either, I don't think.
They can't see.
But they put the towel on the face, not the mouth,
just the mouth, OK?
When you see stuff like that, you sound ridiculous.
OK, well, let me look at my picture.
Look at the waterboarding picture,
and then tell me if it's just mouth, okay?
You sound really-
The mouth is the most important part.
That's how you feel like you're drowning and the nose.
Well, you didn't see the nose before.
Okay.
And eyeballs too.
Let's see the photo, man.
Okay, I'll find it.
Because sometimes you say stuff, man.
It sounds just like not good.
Wicky Howe, how to waterboard.
How to waterboard.
Wicky Howe, Wicky Howe, you know what I mean?
But I've never been waterboarded, but I'm curious to see if you do feel like you're
drowning.
Yeah, it's interesting though.
This is from the CIA's website.
Notice that.
That's from their website?
Well, he's got a, so you can see.
It goes either way.
It's optional.
Okay.
Well, that's like a COVID mask.
95.
And he's tied down.
Wow.
What a terrible thing.
Yeah. What a terrible thing. That's what it is right here. Yeah, for someone who's like constantly
water. And also you're a little inverted. Yes. What do you mean? See how the head and
the, so you're tilted a little bit so that it simulates full drowning when you're down there.
Can I say something too? Go back to the photo. That's wrong. Can I tell you why?
Why?
What's the mistake in that photo?
The thing that comes to your mind.
Well, I'm referring to, I don't know where it's going.
Is that right there?
It's probably like Al-Qaeda guy, right?
Okay, he's wearing a baseball tee.
They teach baseball tee, and he has probably,
not like he's wearing a 1980s baseball tee.
Well, could I flip that?
That could be an American being waterboard and if you look at the casual shoes the desert loafers
But they still sell those in the Middle East and look at the bucket
Have you ever seen a bucket like that in America?
A metal one, yeah. Yeah, you've never seen that structure of a bucket. They only make those in
the Middle East. Okay. Right. So that's what they bought that at a local Home Depot, you know what
I mean, Dubai or something. Right. And so that's why I think it and also the jeans, look at the
jeans, man. That's wrong. That's Rod Inam. I don't look like he's getting an erection a little bit.
That too? Why is he hard?
So there's a lot of things wrong.
Why even put a line there over that drawing?
Also, they should just get another illustrator.
Maybe a guy that's from the region.
I love how they had to label water.
As if... You see it right there
Zoom in to that photo. I don't know what it's like to be I think I max out
There we go go further it does say water. Yeah, it's water. Yeah. Yeah, and there's a there's a little arrow that points to the water
And you know what? I'm so glad they made the water blue in that photo because I would have not known what that was. Mm-hmm. It does the bucket have a tongue?
I would have thought.
Let's move on.
Why can I just ask why is this on the website for the CIA?
Why are they showing anyone how to properly do this?
I don't know.
There's also a bunch of Google images.
People just I think are just putting CIA on it.
Okay, I was gonna say because you would think that if the CIA says this is how you do this,
it should be legal.
Yeah. We should be able to do this, it should be legal.
Yeah.
We should be able to do this waterboard people.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That should be totally legal.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
The CIA, weren't you learn how to do this?
The CIA, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
CIA.com, right?
All that stuff.
I made a guillotine from the CIA.
Anyway, what about this thing that they do
when they capture, because I've seen Ghost of Abel Grabe, is that what it's called?
Oh god, that terrible documentary. Terrible documentary. And then, but a lot of times they do when they
have like, they play loud music. Yeah. So they can't sleep. That's how, what's his name was driven out of, was it
Parrish? Oh, I don't know about that I knew David Koresh Waco
they did like yes the way to boys and shit like that they were blaring out
yeah who's the other big drug kingpin not Pablo Escobar but the one in like
Central America I think he was driven out similarly to and they were playing
like born in the USA or something oh really. Oh, oh really? The ball flew them out. I mean if I was a prisoner and they played the song I wanted, that'd be great.
Ride the lightning.
I disagree.
I disagree because there are some pixie songs that I feel like you've really listened to
way too many times where you're like, if I listen to it one more time, I have to throw
up.
You get nauseous.
And I've done this when you listen to a song so many times, eventually that song becomes
nauseous to you
Can I tell you a funny story about that? I love stories. So a friend of mine. This is years ago He's from Petaluma, Northern California where up there is very country and everything's got the two-lane road with a WL
Line and no shoulders just grass and everything on the side and a buddy of his is
meeting friends after work for happy hour.
And we're all drinking and having a good time and he decides...
What time is that? Five, six?
I have about six o'clock.
Okay, God, I need to... I know time. I like time.
That's an LA happy hour, by the way. East Coast is later. They let you have time to get
off of work and shit six, seven o'clock. So...
Let's just go from five to seven then this guy
gets way too lit at the company happy hour and gets in his work van and decides he's going to
drive home at this point it's midnight one o'clock he's wasted it's raining hard like it is now and
he's driving on a country road and this is back in the 80s and he's got a old-school metal radio and he's
got a Kasingel okay remember Kasingel's we know what's a Kasingel a Kasingel was
a cassette but it just had one or two songs on it oh oh oh oh you had to pop
it out and so he's got Madonna like a virgin sure on Kasingel and then
whatever was on the other side I don't like a prayer let's just say that great
and he's got auto reverse on the cassette and he's driving wasted and he slides off the road and he hits a
telephone pole and he flips in the van rolls and now he's laying on the roof he's it's on its roof
and he's upside down and he's laying there and it's so dark up there. He slid so far off the road, he's behind this thicket of trees
and nobody knows that he's back there.
Oh my God.
And the water's pouring in
and the power line has broken across his car
and it's live laying across the car.
It's electricity.
Full on electricity.
He's laying upside down in water
and he's got one of the old schoolschool metal radios and Madonna like a virgin
So playing it's playing and then he's laying there
Is it repeat or probably not it flips over automatic automatically on actually it was on the same side again
And he's listening to this for like eight fucking hours straight because he's scared to touch the
scared to touch that metal radio.
I'd risk it.
Try to eject it so it can shut up.
And it's all night and they don't find him
until the next morning and to this day,
to this day he can't, he can't,
he can't even fucking hear a note of it.
Yeah.
Well that makes sense.
That makes sense.
That's what I was saying.
Nobody, I mean this is a perfect.
This is the most extreme example of it. That makes sense. That's what I was saying. No, but I mean, this is a perfect.
This is the most extreme example of it.
This is similar to, what's the Depeche Mode song?
Oh, dude.
Yes.
Okay, so.
Him and I can't learn.
We can, and it's one of my favorite songs.
It's one of my favorite songs.
It's one of my favorite songs of the world.
And it got destroyed.
Everything counts.
Yes, everything counts in large amounts.
Listen, I don't know way home now.
Yeah, okay, it used to be my favorite song.
What happened?
Same as well, Love Depeche Mode.
So we were having the best night.
We had just landed in the Philippines.
We were so excited.
We were just two lovers in this big hotel room.
We had a great day.
We were in the bathtub together. and then Bobby got out of the tub
and he was dancing to the Peshmo. I recorded him in the dark. It was just like a really
sweet night. And then we go to bed and in the middle of the night I just couldn't breathe.
And I ended up in the ICU. I was having arrhythmia, like nonstop arrhythmia in the Philippines.
And it was this whole thing that ended up with me having
to get like part of my heart like burned off basically.
What?
Like abnormal tissue burned off.
But it turned into such a perfect night,
turned into such a fucking scary thing
because he was like trying to get an ambulance
and it's in the Philippines and he didn't know.
Because we weren't in a. I couldn't breathe.
We were on a different island.
We were on a different island?
No, we were in Cebu.
Okay.
Yeah.
I tell the story like we're on a different island.
No, no, no, no.
We're on a remote island.
Oh, big city, big city.
This is a big city.
But it was a big, it's a big city.
We have like great medical facilities there
but he just, I couldn't tell him what I needed.
I just told him I couldn't breathe.
And I was getting paler.
And he was like,
Nightmare and we were in this old ambulance
and like he didn't know if I was gonna make it.
I didn't know if I was.
Anyways, the Peshmo, everything counts is like.
For me, when I listen to the song,
it doesn't make me. Every second counts, god damn.
Exactly.
So you end up,
you end up finding out that you have some irregular tissue in your heart and
have to burn it off? Yeah, Philippines while you're on vacation? Well they said
well let's do the operation here and I was like no I'm gonna fly back so the
flight back to the US was even worse because I was like wheeled. You can fly with that?
No, they said we had to get a nurse. Yeah, no we had to we had to get a doctor's clearance
but then I basically had to get a doctor's clearance,
but then I basically had to pretend
that I was like A-okay, but feeling like absolute dog shit.
Just to get back.
But how long of a flight is that?
16.
Jesus Christ.
But you know, Bobby was really sweet
to get me the life-lapse seat
and I slept through most of it.
Way to spring, Bobby.
Yeah.
Way to do the good thing, buddy.
Would you have done that?
Probably not.
Of course.
Yeah.
Anyway.
I want to get it for myself,
and then you can take it and use it when you need it.
No, we can't.
You should sit upright too, sometimes.
Yeah.
The song doesn't make me feel nauseous.
What's it do to you?
The song, I think it's bad luck.
Yes, same.
That's interesting. It doesn't make you think of a bad time. You think it's bad luck Yes, doesn't make you think of a bad time you think it's bad. How can we reclaim it though? I want to reclaim that song. How?
We got to go back
The same spot. Yes same hotel. Same song. Okay same room same room
Play that song. I'll be dancing naked. Okay, right and we'll just see what happens. Okay. We have to reclaim it because I
Want that song back me too. I do. I really do want that song back, you know, and you know your your friend
Should flip a car go the water go in the water and just reclaim that song
I don't know if anybody needs like a virgin back. You know what I mean? So pretty yeah, you know what?
Border what's that border line border lines are great
I mean it's a pretty yeah you know what border what's that border border lines of great what a banger not one that is like a prayer border line yeah you don't
need like a you don't need a like a real yeah let me ask you this what song or is
there one that you hear today that will no matter what it'll still get you super
emotional even break bring you to tears is no oh, there's so many yeah for me. It's Beatles in my life
Yeah, they play that it's a little hacky though. Well, no it can't play a funeral
The reason yeah, that's what I'm saying
That's the reason why it gets me every time is because it's such a common funeral song that no matter where I am
I think about life passing on
Yeah, I know this guy I can't say his name because I love him, but older man, right?
And he had sons that were in the early 20s.
He dies.
I went to the funeral and they sang that song, the son's acapella.
Oh no.
No.
Yeah, and it was not good.
Right?
So I kind of, I remember rolling my eyes.
At the funeral?
I'm like, I can play the song what's that song for you I'm
like Bobby I'm not even gonna lie I'm emotional so I'll get there'll be a
bunch there'll be times I'm in the grocery store just opening up the freezer
to grab a frozen pizza and I'll hear something come on up like like, like, like, yeah. Oh, really? Yeah, like, why is that what comes?
I think another good one for me is
Roy Orbison's Blue Bayou.
That's a good one.
Yeah, that's a good song.
Why?
There is something about him longing to return to a place
that makes me really emotional or that I can relate to.
Mmm.
And maybe he never gets to it, but he he just the longing in the song whoa I have
one that I'll turn off I just say something I have one too and you guys
did three already I guess I could I just point that out today because it's like
you guys go back and forth and I've trying to get mine in he hasn't had one
yet I just said in general I'm like no you're at the pizza thing oh yeah you
didn't tell yours, go ahead.
So Garth Brooks, The Dance is a 100% a funeral death song.
It's all it is.
It's not one that like a daughter dances with her dad
at the wedding, it's a death song.
Say me a little bit of a song.
Hold on.
The Dance.
That's exactly it.
It's all about losing someone you love and it was still worth the dance and it's exactly it. It's all about losing someone you love
and it was still worth the dance.
And it's just brutal.
But it's one of his most famous songs.
It is a very-
But it's a funeral song.
And when we were younger,
my friend's little sister,
who was like a little sister,
all of us was killed in a car accident
and her mom played that song.
I had never heard it before.
And it's all I can think about when I hear that song.
And I'm just like, we'll hit next. I can't think about it like you're saying.
I can't think about anything else but that what that is. I don't go
anywhere else with that song. I don't even try. I can't think of anything.
So when the dance era is do you think of a specific person?
Yeah, I think of her. Her name was Kelly and I and and also that whole time because we were I
Was just in the college so some of our friends were in high school
So we were all at the hospital was a huge funeral was one of those things, you know high school death
16 yeah, you know, you know in high school. I've had some deaths in high school
You don't have a process at that age. You don't know what did you have a friend who died from like a helicopter?
But that was years later though.
But that's insane.
That is an insane way to go.
Yeah, he died in a helicopter.
And you know, he was a dear friend of mine.
I just lost touch over the years.
But you know who's another?
Here's a kid.
Can I just say my song?
Yeah.
Fuck.
I can tell you.
I keep thinking about the song.
I try to.
He's got so dumb.
Really good.
Really good. That's what the helicopter. And I don't even have a story behind it. I'm just going to say the song. Okay. Nothing compares to you. I don't know why oh, yes when they hear that
Yeah, yeah, oh my god that's have you heard the Chris Cornell version. Yes. Yeah
I do love Sinead and I and the Prince version
I heard live at the forum
when Prince had those shows like in the early 2010s.
So good.
But Sinead version I think is supreme.
Yeah, she's crying when she sings it.
So good.
Anyway.
Is that your only one?
No, but I was gonna go into something else.
No, you said to give you three.
No, I was making a joke that you already done three
and then I couldn't throw mine out there.
What was this, a joke though?
I'm so sorry I said that.
Will you listen to the song though?
Or will you try? The dance?
No.
The nothing compares to you.
When it comes on, will you listen or do you?
Yeah, I do listen to it.
Okay.
And I think of this girl named Megan Stallard.
Why? This isn't the girl who's like toes you would sniff.
No, that's Tara Black.
Oh, that's right.
Tara Toes?
No, well, how do you know about Tara Black?
I said it on the podcast.
Yeah, I think that would tell you.
You would just like stare at her toes.
I didn't smell them though.
You didn't ever smell them?
No, I just, oh shit, I can see the toes right now.
What song are you hearing?
What song?
There's no song. I can only hear me breathing like that.
Oh, soundtrack.
Breath.
Because at that time I had never had sex with a girl,
really, and I went to rehab and I met this girl
named Tara Block in rehab.
And so she, you know, because we went to rehab together,
her mom allowed me to spend the night at their house,
just as friends or whatever.
She was sleeping on the couch one night,
and I saw her little toes stick out of the,
I've never seen white toes before.
Young white toes, oh.
Young white toes.
And her toes were sticking out like that,
and I remember just staring.
And it wasn't like, you know what I mean?
I'm gonna cut them off with a scissor.
No, it was like, oh, they're so cute.
And I had so many feelings.
No, I totally get that.
When you're at that age, when you're crushing hard,
you pay attention to every tiny detail about that person.
You had that crushy feeling.
Ugh, it's so, you'll never get it again.
I wanna talk about crushy feelings,
but I wanna also,
cause I have so many of my,
so much on my head
that I'm trying to track this conversation,
you know what I mean?
So let me just get this other information.
So Eric, my guy friend died in the helicopter.
But which brought in my mind,
this is, so when I went to me and Andrew played San Diego,
I invited a couple of friends
from high school I hadn't seen in 23 years.
And one of the guys, his name is Craig, he's been texting me and he's made it his life
mission to get me back, get into the Hall of Fame of Pauie High.
Wow.
But he said the sixth, there's six like rules.
He goes, he thinks that I break the sixth one
Which is my image?
They're like one. It's not over your image. They want like a christiany image
Okay, well hold on who are the other people that are in this hall of fame
You've never heard of any of them in your life, but who are they in a scientist?
He's a scientist or an actor who has an acting school
I could be a piece of shit just because he's a neurosurgeon doesn't because you're good at your job
I mean you're a good person. It's the image that's the image my image is like very like
Outlandish I say fucked up things. You're not bugging naked. I'm not buttoned up. I'm wild
Yeah, and they don't want that in a part of it up. Mm-hmm
Well, we're a suit or something listen Listen, that 52 year old kid we saw
in that picture earlier today,
that kid could definitely get on that hall of fame wall.
No, he can't.
Sure he could.
I don't think, I think because I went to two rehabs
in high school, they were like, nah.
But they, you deserve reparations from this school
because they put your picture in there wrong.
They put your picture in a different school's yearbook.
Is that right?
Yeah.
Wait, your senior picture got somehow placed
in a school's yearbook you didn't go to?
They hated it that much.
How does that even happen?
Because Mom Cremel had 60% Filipinos.
Or Asians in that.
And then Pauie High School, Mom Cremel
used the same photography studio.
And so there's just a white lady sitting there with a pile of kids.
Yeah, and I'm in the poway.
So I'm in the pile of how they got all this must have got lost.
How do you even find that out?
You go to your yearbook, Holy shit, I'm not.
No, when it came out, I was so excited and I went to my Al's and I wasn't in it.
And then I find out where you went and went and complained, you know,
I mean, to like whoever, you know, it's a teacher or
somebody, whatever, I went to administration and they
find they go, oh, like weeks ago, they go, oh, dear,
you ended up in the Mount Camel.
Oh, dear.
Yeah, so anyway, I don't know.
Anyway, what we're talking about so I can't imagine
that's ever happened to anybody else.
Number six, image.
We need to work on the image.
Yeah, no, I was, you know, we were talking about that says image Craig and I really appreciate it
There's something else I forgot for God about the helicopter. Yeah, you're friend. No, he wasn't way before that
We I went you know this this is what my thinking is today very pulp fiction a
Where I'm here and then there here and I can't get the order out of my brain
You know, this is one of my favorite games to play. What were we just talking about really? Yeah, and then you go back
No way I'll figure out and then you work for yeah, okay. Let's go back
Okay, let's hear song that will upset you you a little bit of scope of nothing compares to you
Okay, yeah, nothing that and then you went into talking about your friend in the helicopter
Yes, yes, and in Tara Black's toes
And there was another girl that wasn't Tara black. I know I know what it is Megan still know the feet the about your friend in the helicopter. Yes, yes. And in Tara Black's toes. Tara Black's toes.
And there was another girl that wasn't Tara Black.
Oh, I know what it is.
Megan Stoltz.
No, the feeling, the crushy feeling.
Crushy feeling.
Thank you so much.
It's a fun day.
That works.
We just talking about that in my favorite game.
Crushy feeling.
Will you ever, oh here's, can I talk to Gene last night?
And he goes, I go, because, I don't want, I, and I'm, so here's what I want to Gene last night? And I go, because, I don't want,
and I'm, so here's what I wanna say.
He asked me why you and I worked out, right?
And I go, for 10 years, and I go,
well, I believe that she was out of my league.
And he goes, Gene goes, that's interesting.
It's like, for a lot of people,
you know what I mean, they both have to
feel like they're both out of their leagues.
I know you did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But my point is, is that, um, I think it's just found that interesting.
I want to be in a situation where I'm like, Oh, I can't believe I'm with this
person.
Why do they like me?
Don't show what I'm saying.
I do.
Yeah.
I think every girl I've seen is probably out of my league.
I'll agree with that. I mean every one of them
I genuinely
don't
Like I don't
Think poorly of myself, but I also know where I am. You know what? I mean, I'm a comedian. I'm not a bodybuilder
I'm not a personal trainer. I'm not you know, I don't have this
I'm just this is who I am good, but when I see these ladies. I'm not, you know, I don't have this. I'm just, this is who I am.
But when I see these ladies, I'm like,
definitely out of my league, everyone, I'm for sure.
And I would argue that we probably love feeling
like we're out of your league and it sort of like energizes
us more in that relationship.
Cause I would hate to be in a relationship where the dude
is just like, obviously in a doneness and I'm not like the price of the relationship.
It doesn't put me in like my most feminine kind of like, you know what I mean?
Interesting.
Well, we get this whole, I mean men do get it done to them too.
We all get pumped full of you got to look this way.
So then you get in your mind like every person wants this thing. And then you get in your mind, like every person wants this thing.
And then you get out into the real world
and you start meeting women and are like,
I love a dad bod.
Like I've had women tell me that they won't date men
with abs because if a man has abs,
that means he's spending all his time in the gym
and not where he should be doing other things.
And I was like, that's an interesting way to look at it.
And that's how, you know, makes me feel better about myself. Well yeah I mean that I
mean that has to be their two-world girl like I've dated women they're pretty
that said yeah I don't care about the looks really you know I mean. Actually
most of us just don't. You just straight up don't. Are you sure? But there's something for everyone.
Amputees. There's people out there. I met a woman in wheelchair Yeah, okay. I interviewed her actually and she said that in her world
she's a unicorn and I said why and she goes because
80% of men are the ones in wheelchairs because they do dumb shit and I'm like, oh, you're right
We do ramp the ramp jumps and yeah, you know falling our heads and break our neck
So then I then she introduces me to this dude in a wheelchair
and his girlfriend is there and she's gorgeous.
And she said, it's such a wild thing.
She said that he gets hit on,
because he's a good looking dude.
And he's in a wheelchair and she said,
you have no idea, 20 women tonight
are gonna wanna take him home.
And I was like, really?
I go, how do you deal with it?
She goes, I stopped seeing him. Like we're just friends now and I'll you
pop with them and she goes I had to I felt terrible this man can no look
because he wasn't born that way it was an accident so he probably just eats good
pussy she's like this man from the right right like the best this master pussy
eating lost his ability to walk and I can't rightfully say,
I should just be the only person
you have sex with for the rest of your life.
When I'm out every night watching 20 women come up to you
and they're beautiful women that wanna take them out.
He's a good looking guy.
So she lets him.
She lets him.
Oh, I would not.
And they're just buddies.
They're just buddies now.
She's like, I can't be his girlfriend.
She's like, it's ridiculous.
And as we're talking,
at least three or four women come up
and they're all talking and they're asking them questions.
Can you do this?
Can you do that?
And I was like, this is all the time.
She's like, all the time.
Wow.
But yes, he's a good looking.
He's hot in a wheelchair, yes.
Because he's one of those guys like, okay,
I can't lose my, I lost my ability to walk,
but I'm gonna make my waist up just buff as far as, I think that's what I would done.
If I lost my legs, I would be like buff, I think.
Naturally, why'd you laugh?
Why'd you laugh?
I wanna show you photos of guys that are buff with no legs.
Like Oscar Pistorius.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I would look so good.
I mean, what else you got, you know?
No, but I was watching Murder Ball.
This guy is very popular on the internet wait what?
No, he is
Bop wait. He's a wrestler. Yeah, does he have no I think yeah
He has just I think torso right he doesn't have a penis or test in the ground right now look at
That's what I'm saying. He looks like he's in the ground. He's guy. How wait can you hold on?
I'm blown away by this. Can you,
could we as men be just under the belly button and still live? Can you live without that guy?
I think as long as you have all your major organs. Don't we need at least something down there?
How do you how do you poo? I guess I can. I mean if he has an ostomy, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if he has a bag.
What if he, imagine if he lost like he, he wasn't born that way, but he has an ostomy, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if he has a bag. What if he, imagine if he lost,
like he wasn't born that way, but he had an accident.
And on his mantle, there's this gigantic penis.
And legs.
And legs.
And legs.
And legs, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
This is just gigantic.
He made lamps out of them.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Oh, look.
Look how big he is.
That guy could kick my ass right now.
He would grab your ass, ankle, draw me you. He would never catch me long distance. I don't know that's his bike
I'm guessing behind him. Oh wow. Wow. That's cool
And then this guy let me go down more. I want to see him some of these more of these photos
That guy has a nice
He has a prosthetics prosthetics these legs better like you mentioned Oscar Pastore is that guy.
I always thought like that was bullshit.
There should be, he's running in the Olympics.
It's the first time I can remember seeing someone that had an unfair
disadvantage.
No, unfair advantage.
You think he had an unfair advantage?
Yeah.
Those fucking robot legs are dusting everybody.
I know. They're curved, right? Actually, it's an unfair advantage. Yeah. Because it was new, future life. Those fucking robot legs are dusting everybody. I know.
That's an unfair.
They're curved, right?
It's actually, it's an unfair disadvantage.
He has no way.
Yeah, because it's like they'll never be arthritic.
Nothing.
It's just springs.
Our body can't do that.
Yeah, yeah.
You just spring and pass people.
Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.
Unfair disadvantage.
No.
Here, watch this.
Dude, dude, that dude.
Watch how fast.
I bet his mileage is a little faster than yours, Bobby. Do you think you could beat him up with Bobby?
Honestly, dude, imagine him chasing you at night at two in the morning.
You don't know what it is. I would fucking scream loud if you ever.
You can put him all kinds of out if he came running at me in the alley.
Oh my God. Yeah.
Don't show that again. So funny. I hate it. He's so that guy. I. Don't show that again.
It's so funny.
I hate it.
He's so fast.
He's so cute.
I like that guy.
What's his name?
Zion Clark.
Zion Clark.
I would not be as a smile like that if I was missing.
What a cool dude, man.
Anyway, so I want to feel like somebody's out of my league.
Let's go back to that.
How do we, what does she have to be?
Who does she have to be?
I know that looks are important,
but I think that only gets you,
that only gets them so far with you.
I don't know.
I honestly don't know.
I mean, I obviously, I don't like talking about these things
because I'm dating people and I want them,
the feelings, I mean, they could be out of a league, I don't know, you know, the people I'm dating
now, I just don't feel that right now.
I think that you're just not ready to kind of, you're not there.
You're not there to really open up in that way that you could see someone for
their true potential.
I think right now you're just having fun and, you know, lightly dating here and
there.
Yeah.
I don't know. I genuinely mean this from the first time I ever had a girlfriend till now
I've always been blown away that any girl wanted to date. Okay. Yeah, I've never been like I knew it never
Never, you know, I
before I forget you know this guy right here George
He's had a bone to pick with you. Oh, yeah
Here about it. Yeah, I'll switch it up a little bit and he has that no wait slow down dude
And he's a gas so he's slid up to that. I know he did so he said a bone to pick with you
Go ahead. Oh, this has been a bone to pick for quite a while. Okay?
We started this podcast, what, in 2015, 2016?
2015.
It was all about Bobby and Klaiola's relationship.
And as that evolved and changed and then ended,
you got the fucking scoop on the podcast,
on their relationship, and it didn't even happen
on this podcast.
Wait, is that right?
Holy cow!
Hold on a second.
That bone shouldn't be with me.
The bone should be with him.
I didn't know he was on that story.
Well, I didn't know you hadn't told it
anywhere else yet.
We recorded ahead since we knew we were in a rocky place.
We wanted to make sure we could address it
in the way we want to address it.
And let everybody know in our time, you know, and somehow
for a year, he complains about you all the time till this day.
Every time.
Everybody says, no, right?
The nicest guy ever.
He's the nicest guy in the world.
He stole our scoop.
George.
That should have happened on this show.
Almost died.
Here it is.
You should let that go.
This is a 4.9 million views.
Oh wow, I had no idea.
Yeah, yeah, 4.9 million views, dude.
Did we spell your name right, Kalilah?
And let me see.
Yeah, you did, thank you so much.
Yeah, you did.
4.9 million views.
Listen, I genuinely, also, Bobby Lee's like a feral cat.
You guys know that.
I didn't know he didn't tell that story.
I feel like that's on us.
Any other podcast.
Or if you would hit me up, I would have absolutely held it.
You know what I mean?
Of course I would.
I'm here for the comedians.
I got no beef with anybody.
Oh, wow, you're smooth.
But is this why you rescheduled me six times?
Dude, this is why you're smooth?
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Is this why you hit me up and said, yeah, I'll have you Hold on, Jordan. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
Is this why you hit me up and said, yeah, I'll have you on, and then you didn't hit
me back up for six months?
I wish it was.
No, no, no.
Well, dude, are you fucking being real?
That's how you got your revenge?
Because for years, I've been asking for this guy.
I've been asking for this guy.
I've been asking for you for years.
I did.
That's fucked up, dawg.
And he didn't hit me up until a new year.
That's insane, dude.
A new calendar year.
Well, that's, you gotta figure out how to get...
My special dropped in May, and here I am right now.
It did?
Yeah. May of 2023.
I was gonna say...
Almost a year ago.
Yeah.
10 months.
Wow.
Because he's had a bone to pick.
You had a bone to pick.
And I get it now. I get it.
Well, I'm not, you know, I don't know if we're gonna,
you know, get you over the line.
We'll try, but, you know, I don't want the pressure.
I'm just happy to be here. I've wanted to do this for a long time
Yeah, yeah, I've wanted you on this for a long time, but my point is is that I've never met
Collyla before I can't believe it. I know isn't that crazy it is crazy
It always blows me away that we all run in these same circles and I there'll be someone I haven't met after like 10 years
Wow, cuz you know who's been telling me about you for a while was Candace Thompson
I love Candace and she worked with you for a while
And she used to tell me she'd go on the road with you and that you would go out with Bobby
And I was like that lady back in the day really love Bobby Lee
Yeah, yeah
I love Candace because when I would go on the road with Bobby and Candace would open for Bobby her and I would just go
Explore whatever city because Bobby would be asleep for most of the day. Yeah, she always talked very highly of you
So the only time I almost crossed paths with you
was at Christina Pajitsky's birthday party,
what, just a few years ago, here in LA they came.
Right, at the break room.
That's right, yeah.
I had, that place was awesome.
I had no idea.
That was a great night, yeah.
Joe Rogan was there.
Yeah.
Ali Wong was there.
Yeah.
Everyone was there.
Everyone was there.
That was fun.
And I got to hang out with you,
but you came in and were out pretty quickly.
And I kept asking people to introduce me because I had not met you yet.
I think I danced a quick dance with Santino and his wife.
And then I sang a song with two karaoke songs and then I was out.
Yeah.
And that's where Rogan said something to you.
Rogan...
Nice embrace, didn't you?
Middance. I was dancing with Santino and his wife and Rogan came over and was like hey like you know
Like I'm not your enemy and I was like I know Joe
And then that was it. Oh, that was it was in the middle of a Whitney Houston. I want to dance with somebody
But yeah, but it was a great song that we were really like dancing to and I thought he came in a very like weird moment
But yeah, it was still a nice thing to say. You know, it's funny, right? Do you ever think this?
Like you know like when I see Paul Rodriguez or our senior hall for instance, I
Don't I get more scared to see them than my friends who are bigger stars right now
Yeah, and the re it's interesting to me like when I see even Bill Burr, I knew him when he was younger.
I met him when he was younger.
So it's like, I didn't see the, I mean, I was witness the rise but slow, right?
And so you don't see what other people see, right?
Or feel, right?
So when I'm around, you know, like Saturday night when I did the show at the Madden Square Garden, not Madden Square Garden, MGM.
With Tom and those guys, there is a thing where I'm like, oh yeah, these guys are famous.
You know what I mean?
But it's just interesting because when I, you know, the other night I was with
Sao Paulo Rodriguez, I got nervous.
Dude, I get that.
I mean, Paul, we were kids when he was doing his thing and that's a peer you know you really like that guy. Yeah like Arsenio like I can't believe.
Arsenio had one of the biggest shows in history. Yeah. Well that's how I felt
about Joe because I had started watching UFC since I was like 19 years old. Yeah.
And so I in my delusional head wanted to take what's his name? Mike Goldberg's
job. Oh yeah Mike Goldberg. Yeah, so my Goldberg was always with Joe commentating, right?
Yeah, the color commentating in my head
I was like I can do what Mike is doing because Joe is giving all the technical stuff and Mike is just giving like filler
Information about the fighter and I was such a hardcore fan that I in my head
I thought that so when I did finally meet Joe, I was like, okay, I'm not a color commentator.
I am not a UFC commentator.
I was like, but this is close enough.
And this is so fucking crazy.
And so I felt so nervous to even meet him
the very first time.
It's interesting because I knew Joe
when he was on news radio,
so he wasn't that big of a star.
So like, it's, it's, so when I'm with him,
it's not that feeling,
but I can see other people get super nervous around him
Yeah, I think it's just find it the human
Psych psyche. I'm like that with Bill Burr. You can I love Bill Burr. And I'm yes
I'm so nervous has he has he done honey do he hasn't I'm scared
I want to ask him but every time I see him. I'm also blown away
I pulled him aside one time at the store and I was like dude
You fucking you flew him Boba Fett ship
When I saw him on the man that Lauren I was like
You flew him Boba Fett ship like mad props. I know I can't that's a childhood wet dream
You flew in the ship with the dude like it's crazy. Yeah laughing at me. I was like I just gotta tell you
Do you think you're a star? No star no yeah either do I know I'm not
you are I'm not no anybody that no no no me I'm pop that shut the fuck up no
bullshit no let's define what let's define what
that's bullshit all that that's bullshit let Let's go ahead. So let me say something right obviously there are
levels
Right
Right, so so different levels shouldn't also carry the same title. I know I'm just saying I'm sure I mean obviously
Barack Obama is probably one of the most famous people Donald Trump. These are two gigantic
I'm sure Jay Z Michael Jordan
Exactly. So these types of things
You know, I mean, so it's like there's levels in this game
So there is a level of fame the sickler has you're a you're famous in comedy. So are you know? I'm not
I would give myself at the max kind of popular
tops myself at the max kind of popular tops tops so what defines fame I think fame is
someone in that if we're gonna stay specific to the genre of like comedy
or music or art or whatever yeah then I would say the overwhelming of majority
of people who are a fan of that thing know exactly who you are yeah I don't
know because I'm and then there's fame where Jay-Z can walk down
the fucking street in Thailand
and everyone knows who the fuck you are.
Okay, okay, but I wanna say, I don't know because
it's not as if I would drive all the way to fucking
Venice or Santa Monica to do somebody's podcast
who isn't the shit, right?
Well, I appreciate it.
So my point is that I think that every podcast I do,
there's a level of fame that they have that,
you know what I mean, the reason why,
I mean, they have to be nice people
and this is that I'm not trying to seem like I'm shallow,
you know what I mean, but I'm not gonna do
some random dudes podcast that lives in Barstow,
who has no, you know what I mean?
In terms of podcasting though, like you are the OG yeah no god like right around the time
Tom and Christina and those guys at the Rode, the Crabfist or whatever you did with them.
Crabfist did go uh it was early on but Tom and the and Rogen those guys were still doing
between Jay and I yeah nothing happened he genuinely wanted to do his own thing and start his own thing. And look, you wanna talk about it?
Fine.
We grew during it, right?
We had a seven year podcast
and I'm still proud of it.
It's still, that library did over a million downloads
last year.
It's still a strong audio only podcast.
But I'm a single, at the time, I'm a single dad.
Jay had two kids when we started,
we didn't have any kids, you know what I mean?
So now, as you guys know, you too, George,
scheduling's the biggest fucking big and panty ass
asshole thing, you know that right George?
So after a while he's like, I don't think I can do this.
And then it was like, I don't wanna do this anymore.
And then he would change his mind.
And then at the end of that, after the third time,
I was like, look, this brings me X amount of dollars. I know
this. I know if I'm going to start a new podcast, it's going
to be a minimum three months before I get any real downloads
that I can take and give it to an ad rep who can then go shop
it. And then if I get them, it's going to be three more months
before I get paid. So I'm going without money from anywhere for
six to nine months for this. And then I'm can't keep you know
going through this cycle of I think I do I think I don't so then the third time
I was like look I support it and I agree with you let's end it fucked up you
can't leave we're not do we're not doing a fucking Simon and Garfunkel
Garfunkel and Wayne thing where like one one guy goes this way and the other guy goes down. No, we're gonna die or live together.
And I also said, there is a time limit.
Any of you guys in this room, you know, I told you this, man.
If you leave Gilbert, I'm done with this.
If you leave or if you leave, I'm done with this.
Okay, I'll do something else.
Can we threaten you the same way?
Go ahead. If you leave or if you leave, I'm done with this. Okay? I'll do something else.
Can we threaten you the same way? Go ahead. If you leave, it'll automatically die. I'm
going to tell you that right now. I'm not trying to be bold. I'm not trying to be bold.
You carried that attitude into dating, Bobby. I know that for a fact. It will fizzle out
and die. That's what I was going to say. If you leave, it's over. I know, but a fact it will fizzle out and that's what I was gonna say if you think it's over I know but if you leave it's over to no no no yeah I'm being real
you can look at me eyes because four three four months ago that your talk
but the shit that was coming in your own kill right I'm just saying was out of
Paca no yeah so we're not leaving well you something. The craft fees lasted seven and a half years.
That's a long time.
It is a long time.
It was OK.
That's pretty long.
That's what I'm saying.
It was OK to end at that time.
And then I created the honeydew after that because I loved the craft
fees was just generic storytelling.
I got one about a wedding and I got one about my aunt.
I got and then the honeydew.
I loved storytelling so much that I got sick of everyone's
Instagrams and you know this fake bullshit everyone's living and I was like can we really talk about the worst shit in your life ever?
Yeah, fine times to laugh at it. That's why I like to low like what is how do you do miss the honeydew is?
I was sitting in a diner one night eating some dinner and they gave you that fruit plate, you know and
There's honeydew and there's cantaloupe I eat everything in it even
red grapes and I don't even care for red grapes but I don't eat the honeydew just
I don't have a passion against it I just don't fuck with the honeydew. Do you
cantaloupe? Yeah, but do you eat watermelon? That's the green one honeydew right?
Do you eat it now? No. So I get up and when I walk out, I see tables full of honeydew.
And I thought to myself, wow, that's a perfectly good fruit
that most people throw away.
And then it dawned on me that that was who I was in life.
And I was now going to lean into talking
about the worst times in people's lives
and trying to find humor in that.
I don't know where you're eating.
Where people are leaving the honeydew alone.
All over that table.
But where we go?
I get pictures not on top of it.
They eat the honeydew first.
Honeydew is tricky though because when it gets to that point of being too sweet, I don't
eat it.
It has to be the perfect, like still sort of hard not too ripe.
It's like the iceberg lettuce of fruit.
It's got not much.
A doctor told me one time that there's one month a year
that honeydew is good.
And then people are like, you gotta wrap it in bacon.
I'm like, you put a piece of shit in bacon,
it's gonna taste better.
That's right, I'd like your chuteau or whatever.
Okay, okay, I'm not gonna defend the honeydew right now.
Yeah, you don't have to.
It just gets, when it gets mushy, it's over.
Picture behind me in the studio is a fucking fruit tray at someone's job
Where everything is gone, but the honeydew and there's a cigarette out in the middle of it
Oh, wow, I feel bad for the honeydew, but I'm glad you named it that that's why it's called the honeydew
Yeah, celebrating the shit people throw away, you know, that's who we all are. Yeah
There's definitely been someone in your life that's thrown you
away, like you weren't, you know, and that's why I now do the
way back so we can sit and just laugh about childhood. You asked
me to do it, huh? Yeah. When you want me to do it soon? I'll
have you on. No way, man. No one who's like, give me another
six months. give me another exclusive
I gave you an exclusive you know man
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I would have called it an exclusive clip
But that's a lot of that's a lot of views. I don't even know we did that. I had no idea I just my team clipped it and put it up. Yeah, I didn't know your clips get 4.9 million. No, what's average you think?
I don't know. I have to go look we just put them up. Yeah, I didn't know. Your clips get 4.9 million? No. What's the average you think?
I don't know, I have to go look,
we just put them up every day.
I have no idea, but no, not 4.9 million.
You're welcome, then.
That's the power Bobby.
I'm saying, that's the power of me.
This attitude.
It was the power of me.
It was the power of the story.
May I say, as the person who is talked about in that story,
I'm so glad that it was you, he spoke to me.
That's nice of you to say.
Yeah.
I feel like you're reliable and that you're level headed
and you're not one of those, you know,
there are a lot of people who are like, fuck her, fuck this.
And you were just super.
I just really wanted to know the truth
because I'd never met you.
And I didn't, what wasn't standing on going click baity
or anything like that.
I also feel like I ask good questions.
I genuinely care.
It was great. It'm a good listener.
It was great.
It felt like a Larry King vibe,
where you and I were just sitting there getting real.
And I want to say this to everybody else.
Stop fucking doing that online with Kaila.
She's like the best person in the whole fucking world.
I love her so fucking much.
What the fuck?
She keeps going and going and going and going.
And it fucking drives me fucking crazy, dude.
In fact, anybody online that wants to say anything negative,
negative, stop.
It's stupid.
I get it, she get, everyone get, set the fuck up.
Enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough, enough.
Give her love.
I will after Starfield, you all talked about.
We talked about that.
It hadn't come out yet.
At that point it had.
And it really, I was interested in that because I made a comment that that was your golf. I
Know so many look Santino. I know all these guys that go golf
They spend a lot of money on the equipment. They're out all the time
They're drinking they're out there for hours and hours and hours your golf happens to be sitting in front of a TV and playing a video game
And there's nothing wrong with it. There's everything right with it. I agree
so um
everybody listening
Go to Ryan Sicklers, um
YouTube he watches special on YouTube. What's it called again lefty lefty son?
So go watch lefty son. Let's get it to you pass the mill. Yeah, I can't pass the mill
Let's support Ryan Sickler's.
Get 4.9 million views guys. I only need a couple hundred thousand. We've supported enough Bobby. I've got kids to feed too. I've got kids to feed too. Come on.
Yeah, it's right there. Lefty son. I clip probably demonetized anyway. Everything I do is demonetized.
So close. How funny is Shane Gillis? Oh my my god I texted him the other day and said I'm so proud of you and stoke for you kill it tonight
He said I love you, but it's next week. Oh
Really? Yeah, I'm so stoked. I mean when I did talk about them. I watch this clip
No, he's so such a also
Can I give you a quick fist bump here, bro?
So the field goal you made saw the field you made I made one in Nebraska. Well, don't do that I'm just saying I'm done any I made one in Nebraska. Don't do that.
I'm just saying.
I've done many.
I did one in Nebraska with Tom.
We went out right off the bus, no stretching,
and they said their kicker kept missing.
I'm like from where?
And they go right here and I put two through.
Yeah.
So good for you.
Because I saw everybody else shankin' it over there.
Thank you so much, man.
I really appreciate what you're saying to me.
But, you know, I'm just as athletic
as anybody else, you know?
That's what she was trying to tell you. We probably would be alright out there against
Osama bin Laden. If we're kicking field goals, we'd be alright in many different sects of
society. I'm a survivor, dude.
That's the thing. I firmly believe that whatever we would have been thrust into, we would have
taken the same... You have a gentle face energy
That's nice you Bob. No your face though is like
It's so gentle
Some fan told me that they said one of the funniest things I think anybody's ever said about me. They said
Ryan Sickler
How me get it right here?
Ryan Sickler, how me get it right here.
If an afternoon nap had a face, it's Ryan Sickler's face. That is fucking funny.
That's it, right?
That is funny.
How much weed do you smoke?
I mean, I smoke a lot of weed.
I don't drink at all.
I don't do any other drugs.
Let me see, like in a 24 hour cycle,
how many hours are you high, you think?
Well, it depends, because I'm a single dad and I have my daughter 50% of the time and I don't get high and stuff until she'll go to bed or whatever
So half the time I'm not that high and the other half I try to make up for it. Yeah. Yeah
It must be fun to be that high, huh? I'm just a homebody
I don't go out and do anything like I just was in sincey this weekend and thank you to Cincinnati for the great shows and I just feel like I'm around the people who were drinking and
smoking and having a good time and I don't need to go to a bar or a club
after that I feel like I've met that quota of being social and then when I
come home I like to just be in my place hang out with my my daughter and then do
podcast that's it I don't go out I don't even do a lot of local shows.
I know, I don't see around, I've seen the story.
And you get Ryan Sickler around a plus.
Well, I have a show here, part of the Netflix festival.
Yeah, I'm on tour.
Yeah, what is it, what is it?
What is it?
It's right here, Los Angeles, May 12th,
Netflix is a joke, I have my own show at the Bourbon Room,
so I need to sell tickets for that and so I'm not
Gonna do so many in town shows. Yeah, go to the bourbon room watch help him out
Thank you guys Dung nang pangpong po lah, yung kong mungki ay tuwi Suko lukimu, kisalaman
Fikitan po kong kanig ay makabaloli
Ulukaya ma-dong-dong nang pangpong po lah,
yung kong mungki ay tuwi