TigerBelly - Steph Tolev and The Unread Ta-tas
Episode Date: September 27, 2023Steph blames Hoopfest. Bobo resets the room. Khalyla crunches lips. We chat cozy-cozy, creep radar, build-a-guy, pushing out of the holes control, and Scottish dancing. www.sleptkingdom.com...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
At Global Pet Foods, we believe that everyone deserves a seat at the table. This Thanksgiving
bring the whole family together to enjoy a delicious feast, where no scraps get left behind,
from premium pet foods to irresistible treats. We have everything your furry friends need to
feel special this holiday season. Celebrate Thanksgiving with us in-store from September 28
until October 8, during our forever thankful event. Because every meal shared with them is a feast of love.
Happy Thanksgiving from Global Pet Foods! I was just there. I want to talk about it. You were at the comedy club. Yes. When?
During hoop fest. He's at a good nightmare. You know hoop fest is
It's three on three basketball
Elderly men thinking they're good at basketball the whole town takes over is kids running a muck
Nobody was at the show. I'm blaming who passed on my lack of draw, ticket draw.
Well, I knew it was supposed to be because it's obvious
to you think.
Oh, not good.
How many?
70, 80.
It was about a weekend.
That's the biggest holiday you've had?
That weekend, yeah, we were struggling.
Oh, no.
Oh, was yours sold out every night?
I played a theater.
Must be nice. That's be nice
Three thousand and I'm over here. I can't get 12 people
But go ahead 5, 4. Welcome to another episode.
And I'm very jolly and I'm very fucking keen.
I'm very flabbergasted and I'm very jolly and I'm very fucking keen and I'm very flabbergasted
and I feel great.
You know, what do you think flabbergasted me?
I have no idea but I've read it in a book.
Is it a positive or negative?
Confused?
Like a frustrated flabbergasted?
No, flabbergasted is more like, yeah, I'm confused.
A shock.
I'm a shocking, completely, great surprise.
Oh, I'm flabbergasted. Flabbergasted, yeah, yeah. Like'm shocked. I'm shocking. Confused. Great surprise.
Oh, I'm flabbergasted.
Yeah, yeah.
Like there's a rage element there.
Yeah, that's what I meant to say.
I'm flabbergasted because of this woman here.
This woman.
That's the good.
Oh, you're nasty.
What?
I knew you were going to come here with that tone.
With your tone, you're combative with me.
I'm not doing this right now.
I'm combative with you.
Let's start from the beginning,
and let's start in a good foot, okay?
You want to do it?
Or how you love me hanging on stage
and then I you'll f-
Yeah, let's get to it.
Let's get to it.
Let's get to it.
You're a motherfucker too.
I'll tell you that right now.
And I'm kind of your fucking antics.
Antics?
Yeah, exactly.
So can I bring you all first?
Please.
All right, so welcome to another episode. I'm your guy, Bob, exactly. So can I bring you all first? Please all right, so
Welcome to their episode. I'm your guy Bobby Lee pretty cool guy, you know, it got her here. Kaleila. I'm her
Choose the best step. I got your back. We got we know steps my girl, right? Oh my god
Staff tell me
Fuck it. Fuck it right now. We got George and we know we have a girl,
she's not your Canadian, right?
I have Canadian.
Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.
Yeah.
I'm gonna keep saying.
I've been saying it to everyone, she's Canadian.
She's from Canada.
You know how weird they are.
You've seen the fucking movies.
Yeah, you are.
Don't fuck with cats.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
The guy used to rip cats apart.
He ended up mutilating a whole bunch.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
We don't all do that. That one Chinese man who ate that kid on the bus. They ate the bus, yeah. Oh yeah, the Dilating a whole whole thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't all do that.
That one Chinese man who ate that kid on the bus.
That's the bus, yeah.
Oh, yeah, the D-heading guy, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So it's like, you know, you got some weirdo.
You're Zachary.
Your Zachary is kind of Canadian, you know?
Anyway, she's from there.
I think I met her a couple years ago.
And our first encounter was, I think, very positive.
You give me better intros at the store.
This is like the worst intro ever.
I know, because, oh, you're right.
You're absolutely right.
She's, okay.
Let me, let me, let me, let me,
four hour intro.
Let me give you an intro that I would give you at the store.
Okay.
You know, there's a lot of comics that I, you know,
I run into where I think, wow, that's the guy or girl.
You know what I mean?
She has the skill level where I respect it. You know, we're into where I think, wow, that's the guy or girl, you know what I mean? She has the skill level, where I respect it.
You know, we're very similar in many ways.
She's difficult to follow.
I don't know if she likes following me that much,
but we always, we're always back.
I'm fine with it.
I'm fine with it.
It's easy.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
I do panic a bit.
I panic too, that's all, let's be honest.
Yeah, I do panic.
I do panic a bit.
Pretty of a stuffed hole of give a run. Woo! Thank honest. Yes, I do panic pretty of a stuffed hole. I've given a run
What did I do at the store? You left me hanging up there you little fucker I was out there for so long in the main room like two weeks ago
Yeah, and I said you're gonna give you this beautiful intro. Yeah, and I go Bobby late
Everyone starts going crazy and then nowhere to be fucking back. But you know what my thing is though your thing is you
I needed the room to reset and I was like,
get your ass.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So what's my thing?
What's my fucking thing, bro?
The room we said?
I don't want you to reset the fucking room.
That's your opt-er.
That's your job.
I reset it.
Right.
I wait for the reset and I do a 45 second
like meditation.
What does it reset me?
Yeah, what is that for the lady?
I guess for them to like calm down,
but it's like, she doesn't even know
I'll tell you why I tell you why I'm with you. I tell you why with you, okay?
What I do is you crush you crush
You do not win if you I'm not done talking
Oh, dude. Oh, dude.
Oh, dude.
Oh, dude.
Oh, dude.
Oh, I got you myself.
I got myself doing a good, hot, good, and talk.
Heavy, dude.
I wonder you left this.
Right.
Let's reset the room.
Let's reset the room.
Let's reset the room.
Let's reset the room.
All right, so you're crushing out there, right?
So my, what my thinking is this, letter of go out there
awkwardly for a minute
That's what I do right you're up there like yeah, here doesn't that yes, it kills the move
Like they think I'm stupid and really it's an improvise. Oh, that's what they think yeah, right?
And so I reset the room in that way a minute
Right and then I go out there so now it's like all finally, you know, I mean
Nightmare and then I cut is it a nightmare? It's annoying. Yes, it's annoying though because you always kill anyway
So what you don't even need also I don't you don't need to reset when it's going well
You need to reset if someone eats shit. No, I have my own ways of life
And the way I approach life and don't tell you what to do
my own ways of life and the way I approach life and don't tell you what to do. Wow.
Stuff your friend recently.
You guys, are we up?
You're my guys?
We still.
Alright, here we go.
Wow, what?
My friend, my friend sent some titties to you.
My friend said she today, she told me that she sent you some titties and you left them on
red.
You get a lot of titties?
You left titties on red?
Not even like a heart?
Nothing.
Well, her titties are good.
They are nice toes.
I've seen them.
So they're good titties.
I just saw them.
But can I tell you another story?
I just don't think you should ever leave titties on red.
Can I tell you my story if I may?
Okay.
I saw her at the store.
Yes.
Right?
She was with another woman.
Yeah, another woman.
Also, and it's look like they were wearing cozy cozy. They're good friends.
Okay, but they seem cozy cozy cozy.
Like a couple cozy?
Yes.
No, they're good for, they fuck with a good friend.
Oh, they fuck each other.
But they're good friends.
Yeah, but they're cozy cozy.
I guess that means cozy cozy.
Yeah, it also means good friends. They they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they they I really judge him as with cozy cozy. I love the word romp. Romp is nice. Romp around. Romp around.
Romp around.
Yeah.
For fun. Makes you not fun.
Big change fluids.
Lot of robin, lot of robin.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Have you done that?
I've slopped.
With women.
I've slopped.
Okay.
Anyway, congratulations by the way.
Thank you so much.
You're welcome.
So I saw them in the main room.
I made a joke.
I'm like, hey, you know what I mean? I was after my set and I go, hey, You're welcome. So I saw them in the main room. I made a joke.
I'm like, hey, you know what I mean?
I was after my set and I go,
hey, why don't you guys laugh next time
on one stage or something?
And they gave me this attitude.
Yeah, and then I made a joke like,
don't come here anymore when I'm performing.
Yes.
That's nice joke.
They knew you were joking.
They knew I was joking. So they, no, but they say that. Yes. They knew he was joking. They knew I was joking.
So they say that.
Yes.
They knew I was joking.
Yes, they were joking.
Thank you.
And thank you.
Fuck you guys.
No, they didn't know.
Yeah.
They're being here.
Yeah, sure.
I'm like, right, it is a joke.
It is a joke.
Because I didn't know.
I mean, charming, like, smoking.
Yeah, he did that.
Very charming.
And then they go, we won't.
Oh, so the he's back. They let Joe, can't hit the joke back.
No, didn't seem joking.
See, that's what I'm saying.
That didn't seem joking.
So when I go, when I go like this, when I go,
you do, don't ever come to my show again, right?
They did it, how they do theirs.
They go, we won't.
And I go, it's all gonna go this way now.
And I walked away. But then she said she sent the tits. She showed the titties. But she go, it's pretty good. I'm all gonna go this way now. And I walked away.
But then she said, she said, she said,
that she's still the titties.
But she said, I know across it.
She put like, she blanked on the nipples
and was, he's like, I was joking about the comment
and she was like, I know.
So she made it fun.
She said, the tits again with the, I know joke.
I didn't get it.
Or did you read those tits as serious?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I thought it was a double down on.
Yeah, yeah.
I thought it was a double down on the fuck you to me.
Right?
I thought it's so clever with a titty, like a titty, and taseful.
You're not showing the naps, but you're showing the naps.
Guys, what do you think?
A taseful clever?
It's not too late to heart it.
You can still go back and heart it.
I think she responds.
I refuse now.
Your tits and say,
because now the fact that she complains to her about it,
I'm not even going to go down.
It was a complaint.
She just was like lightly joyously, if I may.
You may.
I, well here I go.
She was joyously being like, oh my God,
because I said I was coming to do the pod.
And she's like, oh my God, I sent Bobby Maitzidz
and he left him on red.
And she was like saying, she wasn't like,
fuck him, she was like laughing about it, she said it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And then her and her friend,
well, showed me the vagina
and how much pubes they have right now.
And I was like, well this, this isn't.
I showed you my pussy, right?
I've seen three pussy's today. Yeah, I grabbed my lips and how much pupils they have right now. I'm like, well, this isn't. I showed you my pussy right before we started.
I've seen three pussy's today.
Yeah, I grabbed my lips and I put it right in my face
and I opened them up and I went,
hello, Bob's drunk went through.
You missed all that.
Yeah, us Canadians do weird things.
Right before you got here, I was like, stop.
Yeah, my face, I nestled in there.
I crunched my lips and I went,
I'm Bobbi Lee.
You know, I'm really in a fight.
It's a really good fight.
You show your vats to her. No, no, mine's talking to them. It You know, you know. I was really in a fight. You show your vats to her?
No, no, mine's talking to them.
It's tucked up right now.
We can't on tuck it.
Once we tuck it.
We can't on tuck it. We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we'll, we way, it'll, my labia will pop out of my lower end stage. And then like, I sometimes have to turn around and put it back in.
It's really, I'm like longer sets.
It's really embarrassing.
Well, you have a lip that sticks down.
It's the labia.
The labia.
Majora.
It's being a porn stuff.
Like you don't like porn of yourself, right?
Like you've tried to take videos of yourself.
I have no, I've just seen myself in the mirror
and I've physically ill, but I don't know.
I don't take myself.
I don't take myself.
No, no, no. I watch a lot of porn, but I don't take myself.
Do you like watching yourself fucking front of the mirror?
I've never done that, no, why would I?
What?
What is wrong with you people?
Yeah.
You don't like looking at yourself in the mirror, it's so hot.
Remember the second attack of the phone's movie?
If you like your body.
Where, where, where, you'll, you'll find the fights at one,
you know what I mean, that's the same thing.
What do you mean?
I'm like, you know, to flipping around. Yeah, I mean, on's the same thing. What do you mean? I'm like Yoda flipping around.
I hear a minute on the street.
Are you doing all the act-dials
that you do normally if it in the bedroom?
Yeah, I do flips, I do the whole thing.
It doesn't look natural, but my point is,
I want to talk to you about your self-esteem.
My self-esteem.
May I?
You may.
I will.
What's wrong with this?
What is this dynamic we have today?
What is this?
We've been having this dynamic for have today? What is this?
We've been having this dynamic for the last two weeks.
I don't know why.
But you see it, I think, oh, in the earlier day, I walked by you, I tried to say hi,
and then you gave me this fucking attitude.
I was sitting down panicking for my set.
But you're not going to acknowledge my presence.
I said hello, you storm by, and then you storm.
I knew I'd see you mucking around for another five minutes.
I don't walk around. I don't walk around.
I don't walk around.
You walk around, you're scuttling down the hall.
I scuttling down the hall.
As you do.
He does.
He's settling.
You're up and down the hall.
I fall in.
I fall in.
No, it's more of a muck.
Okay.
Well, I went to frog school and my teacher must frog that.
Okay.
Yeah.
It was really a mucking school.
All right.
So I was mucking around.
You're mucking around, but you know,
you gave me such a distant high that thought,
oh, we have issues.
That's all, that's how you always talk to me
and going to a myself a steam.
It seems as if this is your self-esteem.
What about stuff self-esteem or you worried about?
That's where I'm gonna go,
this is where I'm going.
Okay.
I feel like we're the same in many ways.
Okay, let's hear this.
You don't think so.
I don't shave my pubes like you.
So we'll start that different.
You should.
It's a grizzly bee's probably.
Oh, it's a mess.
Right, you got the things getting all untuck and stuff.
Oh, we're untucked, we're wild.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why don't you shave it?
It's too much.
You don't wanna see that bald.
Yeah.
Oh, I see.
Yeah, yeah.
It covered up. It covered up. Yeah, it covered up.
It's behind the curtain a lot of stuff.
It doesn't look like Bruce Willis.
No, it looks like the guy who just has the ball got.
My face looks like Robert F. Kennedy's, my pussy looks like his face.
Whoa, very weather.
Very weather.
And it sounds like his voice is like, hey boy, I'm running from Congress.
Hey, oh, is it wrinkles?
Oh, there's a lot going on.
We don't think it more in detail.
All right, I don't want to talk about myself.
I don't either.
It's all I do if you like.
I'll talk about my penis, but anyway, let's move on.
So I feel like we're the same in many ways,
but I'll tell you why I ask about yourself.
It's because you've had some man issues.
I have so I just got set up right now.
Yeah, right.
Literally right. But I know the piece of shit that, you know. Oh, yes, I just got started right now. Yeah. Right.
Literally right.
But I know the piece of shit that, you know.
Oh, yes, yes, yes.
My ex-boyfriend.
I've been saying that.
Yes, and here's the, I don't know,
I just said quickly, Bobby was one of the first fucking people
to meet my disgusting pig, revolting ex.
The fucking psycho.
Yeah, psycho.
And then literally was like,
what did I say?
I can't say anything else about whatever,
but you were like, you have been like,
to his face, you're fucking creepy.
Really?
The second he fucking met him.
And I was like, Bobby was, I was like, literally,
and then after I broke up with him, I took you to,
I was like, I should have listened to you.
I should have fucking listened to you.
Everyone should listen.
I have a kinetic sense about life, my friend.
I did not know this.
Did you know he does?
Yeah, I actually do.
Yeah, and I know if they're creepy or not.
You called it out to his face.
In seconds to his face.
I go, you look creepy.
I don't like the, he was used to top heavy.
Oh, just one of those.
Oh, yeah.
And then he called it.
Yeah, he looks like one of those cake pops.
It's star box.
Yeah, yeah.
It's like, like,
and he was so mad.
And he said that.
And he was like, do you take some of that
and put it to your legs?
He was all salty about it. Oh, he was so salty about it. I ripped him apart. Oh, yeah, I was so funny. He was like, you take some of that and put it to your legs. He was all salty about it.
Oh, he was so salty about it.
I ripped him apart.
Oh yeah, I was so funny.
Yeah, yeah.
Thank God you did.
Yeah, and then, so that happened,
and now I hear this issue with the guy.
There's just so many, no, I've been stood up twice this week.
It's fucking night.
Yeah, no, it's like,
but being a single person myself,
I get stood up all the time.
No, you don't.
You do?
Oh yeah.
On my Araya, if you look at my Araya, it's me saying hi to 30 people, not even a response
back.
But that's not getting serious.
I'm talking like these guys made plans with me.
This guy goes out of his way, makes a plan, which is me literally in an hour.
I'm like, hello, and he's like, oh, we made plans, fuck, I don't know what this is.
So this girl Sarah, that's I'm not going to get into anymore.
She used to live in Santa Monica,
now she lives on the west side, LA, right?
I dated, I went on three dates with her.
The first date, what I'm fine was a coffee date.
We ran into Greg Fitzsimmons at a coffee shop
in Santa Monica, it was a beautiful thing.
Then I plan a dinner movie, a whole thing,
I made reservations, I bought tickets,
and an hour before,
I was supposed to pick it up, she goes,
I can't do it now.
Oh, it was her reason.
That's a stand up.
That's a stand up.
That's a stand up, yeah.
And then I gave her another shot.
Another movie, dinner kind of a thing.
I dinner like a thing.
And then an hour before she was like, yeah, I can't do it.
That's just rude.
Because it's like an hour before.
You have all this time.
You can be like, you know what?
I don't want to do this.
My thing was standing up.
Why do you have this much extra time in your hands
to text these people and lead them on
and get them all excited?
Then it's just, it's a very,
this city is very bizarre with that,
with the flaking, I don't understand it.
But then she contacted me back.
No.
She's like, listen, I went through,
she told me some personal things at one time,
which I believe are, right?
But at that point, it's just like,
I just, it's just I'm done with it.
Yes, that's not that.
That's not too many time.
I think LA has a problem of like,
mishandling people.
Like, people think that if they get the dopamine hit
of getting the attention from you or from you,
that almost sustains them,
and that's what they'll keep searching for,
the actual connection, I don't think they give a shit about.
No, that's, yeah.
It's just the attention.
It's just, and that's how people mishandle under other people.
It's like a fucking sport for them.
Yeah.
Another girl that texted me today is she goes, I'm, you know, I'm available to hang out
now.
You can help me with my project.
What's the project?
Oh, we how old are these girls?
I'm making a fucking fucking rock.
I'm making a fucking rock.
I'm making a fucking rock. I'm making a fucking rock. I'm gonna school, what a school for science problems.
I'm making a volcano.
I'm talking about.
Exactly paper mache.
For my paper mache.
No, no, no.
The science mirror is coming up.
He has a, he has a, he has a business idea, right?
And in my mind, it's like, I've hung out with you twice.
And she's already pitching.
And she's already pitching this business.
Who wants my celebrity to help her.
That's just the, that was a lie.
Worthy being so.
I can't do it.
No, no, no, no, no.
It took me 10 years to pitch you my business idea.
I know, I know.
I know, I know.
And I got it on get.
Yeah.
So you haven't had any luck in LA.
No, but other cities, I'm a hot piece.
Yeah.
Oh, I'm getting my tits sucked right off in every other city.
I soaked this man in Pittsburgh like a month ago.
So Cal Squirti.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I like he was, yeah, I soaked his blood.
After a show.
Yeah.
Are you a soft squirter or are you a projectile squirtier?
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I don't want to know.
I either are.
Oh really?
Because I have never squirted.
And I really need to.
No, no, I have never.
I always feel like I'm close and I never
find a way to do it. No, that's what the dry piece you have down there dry my pussy is very wet
No
Yeah, yeah, yeah, he wouldn't do a fucking mind here the part sucked out of his brain
I just don't think that people have different styles of squirting yes, they do yeah, they do okay tell me I
I guess I'll learn I guess I'll learn.
I guess I'll learn.
There could be, if you don't watch porn with squirting,
think you can, it's very cool.
But I don't, it turns to projectile,
like, oh, that's Olympic style, like I don't know.
Oh my God, it can be far.
I can't be far.
So there's people can like literally go like up
and like a fucking hose.
And unless you don't remember the Lord of the Rings
when Gandalf smoked and then he made like a boat
out of the smoke.
If they can do that with their squirt, that'd be cool.
Like a thing.
Oh, that's so cool.
Yeah.
That's Ed McMahon.
Yeah.
Right, and he did Ed McMahon like, you know.
I guarantee, you know that game you play where you shoot water like the horse
and you make the horse run.
Oh, yeah.
I guarantee there's usually like a sporting thing in scene.
That's what women just line up and his fucking.
At the carnival.
At the carnival, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That must be a porn.
I think it already is, yeah.
Dude, if you could squirt to get one of those horses
and move, you're like,
I guarantee you something.
There's no way.
I guarantee you that some points.
You'd have to sustain so much squirt,
but I don't know.
They'd have to be a bit closer.
Is that a fire hose?
It's pretty,
could it put out a fire?
They might be able to.
Oh, there is different.
Okay, here we go
The wave the wave the most common form of orgasm amongst vulva owners describe as a short burst
There's a volcano and then the avalanche wait these are just types of orgasms not squirt But it also they were saying does affect how squirting can come out
Is there is there tsunami?
Yeah, I think that's part of the way. Yeah, yeah, a part of the way. Yeah. Yeah, have a lunch. It's interesting. Is it P?
What is it? It's part I feel like every podcast I go and I'm discussing my fucking there's a
Move on. We don't yeah, on this podcast. We never even talked about squirts. Yeah, we know first
So that's why it's a first we're learning from a master
We're getting a talk our master's class, you know, I mean, that's nice.
So I was, there's definitely a whisper of piss.
So what, so what, so you're going on the road
and you're getting some?
Oh, I'm getting lots on the road.
Yeah, we're getting, we're really getting it on the road.
We're really worried about roads fine.
Then what do you, what do you, what are you worried about?
I don't know, I guess I thought I wanted to date somebody,
but now I'm like, you get back in this city
and I'm like, it's just shit, everyone's shit here, it's slop.
What kind of guys are these? What do they look like?
Slop, they're all slop, they're a mix.
Yeah, they're slop.
I got a wide net here, I'm not pretty good at this.
It's pretty one thing, it's, it's, yeah.
And after we talked yesterday on Trash Tuesday,
I was like, you know what, maybe I'll give women a try.
I look gay, we all can say this.
No.
Come on, I look and say I'm gay. And you drive a Subaru. And she wore out back. And I can say this. No. Come on. I look and say, okay.
And you drive a Subaru.
Oh, we're out back.
And I sound like this.
And I've eaten boozy, not one match on Bumble for women.
We're trying.
We're casting in a very wide net.
Yeah.
I'm seeing a girl from a different state.
It's the same thing as the road.
Are you?
Because the people here in town are different.
And I'm like, I'm done with it.
They're soiled. They've been, they've been, they've been,
they've been, they've been, they've been,
they're soiled.
They are soiled.
What do you mean that?
They've all just, I don't know,
something's happened to them.
They've just, they've just gone,
they've gotten so fucked mentally that I don't think anyone
is in any head space or I don't know,
I don't know, anybody here who's successfully dating
somebody like, well, the couples that are together now,
they're kind of working,, but anyone who's single,
all my friends who are still single,
it's a nightmare.
Why don't you do a Moshe cashier in a Tussle of Ligeria,
find a comic?
Are there any male comics that are attracted to?
We'll bleep it out.
Just be a six-footer.
Well, there was, and then yesterday,
and he talked me a whole story about one of them,
and I can't like him anymore.
We talked, and we talked about it.
Who's the guy?
Who's the f***ing?
Um, yes.
It just...
I still have a wide-, it just I know him right
And I like him. Yeah, but I love him.
But we got to talk. Yes, they apparently he does this whole thing with girls with female
comics. He leads them on. It's a whole thing. So I can't
That's
We talked her out. We talked me out of it and then I talked you back in or no, no,
nobody else. I really have either I'll talk you back in or no, no, no, no, let's do it. I really have neither. I'll talk you back in.
Tell me back in.
But fine, that's a rumor that he does that.
I'm going to do this, right?
I don't know why I'm doing that.
I'm doing that.
I'm doing that.
I don't know why I'm doing that.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm covering my mouth.
But I know the guy well, right?
And I he's just one of those guys that I got.
He's a good dude. I don I got. He's a good dude.
As long as I know, he's a good dude.
But okay.
He's a good dude.
Who else is there?
What are their single comics?
I don't know.
I don't have any.
Any pepper tone.
No.
He and Eddie would be disgusting in the sound of us.
Oh, the foul.
That would be so gross.
I love Eddie, but.
I love Eddie.
There's nobody.
He's not single.
He's a wife.
I love him.
I have a wife and dog. That's why it's comedy. I can't even, I haven't had a crush on single. He's not single. He's a wife. I love it. I'm not that's why it's comedy
But I'm like there's nobody I can't even like I haven't had a crush on a comic in a long time
It was the first guy I've had a crush on a long time. Oh, I'm a quiet interesting. Uh-huh
I mean when you look at me though you go you know, you probably think that I'm fuckable. Is that true?
Is that
He goes let's be honest
Yeah, let's be honest. Yeah, let's look around.
I found you unfockable as well.
Well, good.
Yeah, good.
Now we're in a right.
Now we're in a right.
Now we're in a right.
We're in a good headspace again.
See, this is good.
We both find each other unfockable.
Yes, there we go.
Both very highly fuckable.
Yeah, but not with us.
We need to know.
First of all, we have our own.
We have our own.
Yeah, when I look at it, right see here's what I see I see a
Different dimension I see I see cartoons I see cartoon. You don't even look like somebody like you know God made you you know someone drew you
Going on I'll tell you why I wouldn't be working on your ass
I wouldn't be putting on your ass, I'll tell you. You wouldn't be sporting a man.
No, I wouldn't be on you, neither, friends.
Okay.
But here's the deal, dude.
I respect you so much.
Well, there we go.
I think that's all you want.
That's it.
That's all you need.
I'd rather comics want to respect me than fuck me.
Yeah, like Bill Burr thinks you're the best.
It's very nice.
Yeah, yeah.
We all think you're so great.
And to think that you went to Spokane and didn't draw makes me very upset. It's very nice. Yeah, yeah. We all think you're so great. And to think that you went to Spokane and didn't do raw makes me very upset.
It was hoop fast.
I'm blaming hoop.
Well, you went, you went to shopping.
Very good vintage shopping in Spokane.
It's same.
You were a vintage shopper too, right?
Yes.
Yes, yes, yes.
It was so insane.
We walked into a couple places where like this is insane.
What a great place.
Did you go to, and they went to Seattle and I got, we got some stuff too.
Yes, we went to the Barnal. Yeah. They had a lot of really great shirts. I spent a lot of them.
But I have to say and I want to say this and I'm going to feel bad. I'm not going to name the name
of the place and I haven't told you that I did this and I feel bad. Why? I'm going to tell you.
And I'm going to tell you. Okay. Okay. And everybody else listen to everyone listening right now. Yeah, yeah.
How many people, thousands of people that listen? Yeah. So I went to Spokane and I'm seeing tell you. Okay. And everybody else listen. And everyone listening right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How many people, thousands of people that listen?
Yeah.
So I went to Spokane and I'm seeing somebody there
who, you know, I like.
And she goes, let's go to a nice restaurant.
So I go where?
And it's one of those restaurants where,
what's the restaurants of what they call,
where they just give you?
Omakase.
Omakase.
Oh, set menu.
A set menu. Tasty. T Omakase. Oh, set menu. A set menu.
Tastes like that.
Tastes like menu.
A 15 course set menu.
Yeah.
It was like $15 a per.
Well, that's cheap for a set menu.
But in Spokane, it's big.
Okay, okay.
They don't go to luck on us.
Yeah, who bests?
By the fourth, by the fourth thing.
Yeah.
We looked at each other.
It was, it was literally, oh, was that Miracats shoulder? I mean, that's terrible.
Really? Yeah, it was like everything was terrible. Well, you're coming off Posterbar and Austin.
Right. You look up. Shout out to Posterbar. Yeah. I think that's what it was. So by the fourth one,
I look at her and she said, can you eat this for me for me? Which is not a good sign. It's not.
It's not a good sign.
Because they're usually even tiny, but.
They're tiny, right?
So I ate a couple of things for her.
And we were like, oh, there's 12 more courses.
So many.
There's no way we're going to get through this.
So this is what we did.
I looked at the way she's like, listen, we have to check.
We're going to watch Oppenheimer, which I don't even
know where if they've been playing.
And the way she's like, okay, but there's four courses.
I go, no, I know.
But, you know, as soon as we're done with the last thing,
we're gonna get it.
So, can I have the bill?
So, I paid for it.
Then I headed to S.B.N.A.
I went, I so, I go, you go to the bathroom right now.
And then, sneak, because the bathroom,
that restaurant shares it with the bookstore.
Go into the bookstore, okay,
and go into the fantasy aisle.
I'll meet you there in five.
She went to the bathroom, I go,
and then we ran out of there.
I've never done that before in my life.
But you paid.
I paid for the whole thing.
So you use it in the bathroom?
Yeah, so what the heck?
Dining, not that?
Yeah, you did exactly what you're supposed to do in a row.
That's not criminal at all.
Yeah, you should have been like.
I feel bad because, you know,
it's like, I feel bad for the chef. Yeah, you should have just been. I feel bad because, you know, it's like,
I feel bad for the chef.
The chef's not back there being like these people
left at course 92, they know, you let four.
That's it, that is early.
Yeah, that's early.
He's like, ask the openheimer.
Gotta watch openheimer.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Just taste like shit.
Yeah.
Yeah, but I mean, we're coming on, you know,
we had some crazy.
We had the best food in Austin, this place called the bar. And in Seattle, I think we're some great, know, you had some crazy we had the best food in Austin this place called
Yeah, I think we're so great. It feels a Seattle. Yeah, and so it's like you cannot just go to pasta bar and then that
Slop are you are you a foodie? I am a foodie. I had actually a very good meal and
Spokane where I was bookstore
Supposed more as a tap is place. I came up with what was called the way to make reservations
is very tasty.
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.
I've been to a couple of places good there,
but my point is is that,
where in LA have you gone that you like?
My favorite Russian dance song, Sa,
I'm sure you've been there in Cree Town.
Do you hate it?
No, I don't hate it at all.
What's it called?
It's that one place that you were talking about.
Yeah, yeah, I'm on six streets.
Yeah, I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, wait, where's it? In K-town. It's like a classic. Close to your quarters. Yeah, I'm on six streets. Yeah, I'm sitting. Yeah, I'm sitting.
Where's it?
In K-town.
It's like a classic.
Close quarters.
I've never been to Deng Tsa.
Yes, it's close quarters.
Yeah, you never been.
It's so fucking good.
It's all smoky in there.
Yeah.
The thing in the middle.
Oh my god.
It's like, oh, there's a graffiti on the wall.
What have you compared to?
Have you been to Choson?
No.
Have you been to Park's Barber?
We come Vermont.
It's more like a bar.
It's a bar. It's like this. It's like a bar. But the food, all the's more like a bar. It's a bar. It's like this.
It's like a bar.
But the food's, all the food's so fucking good.
It's a bar.
But it's a great date spot.
Yeah, but it's like, yes, great date spot.
Oh, it's in the castle mall.
Yes.
Yes.
In a ship.
It's in that little castle mall, right?
No.
No.
No courtyard.
No, no, no, it's just a parking lot.
Yeah.
Okay, my bad.
So, so, so, no, I'm not saying lot. Yeah, okay. My bad. So So no, I'm not so good. The meat's good. If a single cheese corn
That's not a Korean cheese. Have you heard of the cheese?
We have Mexican corn, Mexican corn cheese corn. It's
And a big potato. It's a fun spot. It's a good spot. Yeah, it's fun. I
Want to take your do-a-rolls. I don't eat well here. I'm always like cooking what I'm in town when I'm out town
I'm flopping around, but now I want to go this past the bar. You flopping around again. Flopper round. Yeah. Yeah. I don't eat well here. I'm always like cooking when I'm in town, when I'm out town, I'm flopping around.
But now I wanna go this past the bar.
You flopping around again?
Flopping around.
Yeah, yeah.
Always flopping.
Alright, so you're a foodie.
Have you been to Bestia or anything like that?
No.
No, I know.
What's Bestia?
Best.
It's an arts district.
It means good, but there are so many,
like since Bestia, there's so many better places now.
So stuff described to me,
and I know a lot of guys that are single.
Uh-huh.
I'm being real.
Okay.
Let's be real for a second.
Yeah, what do you like?
I want to know what you like.
We'll hold.
So I'm going to close my eyes.
I want to see if I can visualize it.
Well, I, I mean, I'm with this.
Imagine.
I'm being real stuff.
Uh-huh.
Imagine you're in the future.
And now in the future, there's an actual story you can go to.
And you can design, like you know the teddy thing
that build a bear.
Build a bear.
There's a build a bear.
There's a build a man.
Okay, I like where this is going.
And my name is Haunchi Susu.
Okay, and I own it.
I'm the creator.
Oh, no.
A huge fan of yours.
This is, you're probably gonna be 65 by then.
But let's take a, you know, no, no, no, no,
you have, no, you have a time machine.
Anyways, I'm hauntsist user, right?
And I go, it's the big band of your comedy.
I can build whatever you want, okay?
So tell me, now let's hide, tell me hide.
Six tail.
Six or two, holy shit. Go to the warehouse, tell me height. Six to six. Six or two, holy shit.
Couldn't the warehouse get more flesh?
Okay, we're gonna check out.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, so they're getting more flesh.
Get older flesh, you know what I mean?
Get the Rob Granghowski, put on the type.
Okay.
So you can get the Rob Granghowski,
put on the type, right?
So six to what color?
Cause we have many color.
I'm, any color. No, you just build a human man. Okay, okay, six to, what color? Cause we have many color. I'm, any color.
No, you just build up human, man.
Okay, okay, okay.
If you go get whatever, I don't wanna do random.
I like like a light skin block, I.
Light skin.
Alright.
We would have two left.
You're really?
Popular.
Yeah.
Popular.
Yeah.
The curry.
Okay, okay.
The curry.
The staff curry.
Yes, staff curry.
Yes, staff curry. The staff curry. The staff curry. The yes, that's correct. It's
No, no, the guy that got slap what's his name?
Rock What that's yeah, we don't
Will Smith in this far in the future
You know
Queen some people don't know right right're steeped queen. Right, right, right.
Right, I'm playing a fucking,
sorry, I'm really scared.
You're just gonna get just real, okay.
Yeah.
All right, it's based on reality in this game, right?
Get the one that will slap the guy.
It's the one that will spin.
So face, I like a defined jaw, no double chin.
No chin.
No double chin.
No double chin.
No, yes on chin, no double chin. Oh, I thought no chin. No, no, the fine. We could just no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no're lying. We only have one left, jail letter. You would have lightskined at a letter.
And I'm really buying this.
Okay, yeah, get the last one.
Get the lobby.
So far, you're describing Scotty Pippin,
but keep going.
Okay, all right.
So the chin, okay, now eyes.
Like big eyes.
We get the, what?
The BABY-L-I.
You want the BABY-L-I?
No, big eyes. No, no, no, no. The Michael Chan, the bubbly. No, big eyes.
No, no, no, no, no.
The Michael Shannon, the one that.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Not bulbous.
No, the one that gold diverged.
Oh, no, no, no. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, smaller, smaller. Oh, she wants, I have a big nose. I can't have two beaks clonking around.
But we have 50% on Jew nose.
She's ch...
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
50% on us.
50% on us.
Not small.
I am sure.
Medium, average.
Medium, medium, medium, no.
I love a big nose.
Okay, medium, medium, medium.
Women love big noses.
Guess what?
Men don't.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha.
How about teeth?
We have a teeth. I can do some crooked teeth, but not, no, but they have to be clean.
Flossed.
Yeah.
Flossed in problem.
I got some missing teeth.
Get the brand new Steve Buschemmies.
Oh, the Buschemmies 2022?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 20 goodness.
No, from back in college.
1990, 1990, 1990.
I want someone to actually draw this person out, because it sounds like it's the same right
now. Okay, so now we got that.
Yeah, that'd be very important.
No, we need hair.
What kind?
Lots of hair.
Fro-fro?
Or do it long.
Not long, no shorter, shorter.
But the big textured.
Milado.
Okay, curly.
Yeah, textured.
Also big, for the feet.
I don't even know what I'm saying things I like anymore.
I was trying to think of things that look funny. I'm like clowning hair, yeah big. For the fee. I don't even know what I'm saying things I like anymore. I'm just trying to think of things that look funny.
I'm like clown here, yeah, but a clown wig on.
I'm at this point.
I got Bouchemmi T-thin clown here.
Okay, so.
What the hell's happening?
Now we have a new feature.
Mobility.
What?
What?
No, because you know, because it costs extra.
It costs extra.
You want somebody like we car, you know, car Lewis,
we make a run fast or you want slow, what do you need?
It's regular one.
Regular one?
Yeah, regular then.
Okay, it just factory, it just comes with it.
Factory setting.
Factory setting, yeah, right?
The personality maybe.
Oh no, now we're going to put it in different department now.
We got the body.
Right, now.
Welcome to the personality beyond the area.
Okay, waiting in a big the dick.
We're skipping over the dick.
Fuck, we forgot.
Go back to go back to, we forgot.
Why are we, why are we Jewish now?
No, no, no, no.
So we got, can I be honest with you?
Uh huh.
Dick is expensive.
Very expensive at this store, right?
We get some free. We have another store
bringing in. We don't do that. So we have some free dicks you know mostly Asian.
They're free. I've got some money saved. I'll use. Okay so forget the freebies.
Okay. So you want to who do we have a two-jist of my more left? Yeah I'll take
them a more. I'll take a John Ham. You know John Ham. Oh we have a John, two J's to my wall, more left. Yeah, I'll take it for more. I'll take a John Ham, you know, John Ham,
we have a John Ham, we have a John Ham,
I give you the John Ham next big time.
We can squirt not calm, but any flavor.
So you pineapple, what do we got?
Mango?
Meos, squirt.
Meos, mango, mango, we have blood orange.
No, that sounds bad.
Blood orange doesn't mean we have a pomegranate.
Pomegranate's nice.
I'll do the pomegranate.
I'll do the pomegranate.
It's a pomegranate.
Quickly, quickly because this bits too loud.
All right, so let's go to the personality quickly.
Describe.
Describe.
Okay, very funny, witty, conriff, smart.
Get Woody Allen.
Oh Woody Allen, I don't want to be fucking known.
Oh, no, okay, no Woody.
The child fuckers are the hell he did.
Whoa.
No, we take that component out.
Okay.
Whoa.
We have the ability to take it out.
I don't want somebody who was the fucking stepped out.
Whoa, whoa, wait, all the, okay, anyway, put up a way.
Who else, I know who, we got a good,
we have a Cosby, so funny.
So funny.
So funny.
So funny.
What do we do?
What do we do?
Oh, get him.
That's the first thing.
First thing I want.
So we got it.
So that's your man.
I have a huge crush on a guy who lives in San Fran
who we like talk a lot.
We fucked up a bit, but.
What do you mean?
But that's it.
I don't think he wants a girlfriend,
but we get along very well and it's annoying
that he doesn't want to girlfriend
because he's the first guy.
Have you hooked up with him before?
Yeah.
Sex.
Uh huh.
Why?
And it was very good.
We both really enjoyed it. I know, is can I ask you why is that anything?
Why is that a thing? What's the situation?
So what I'm saying is is that you know, you see you see a woman and they're like listen,
I just want you know, if this is kind of an exclusive thing.
Like a lot of women are like that. No, I'm not as inclusive with a lot of people,
but then this guy when I meet somebody who I like really get along with,
it makes me laugh.
Why does a successful artist, he's like very like,
but why can't you just randomly see him?
I am, that's what what is happening,
but I'm like, when you meet someone that you are
really seeing them, you actually have that connection,
you're like, well, this should be more than just seeing.
There's a couple other people I'm having
like little things with that I'm just fucking that's fine,
and I'm very open with that,
but I'm like, this guy, I'm like, fuck,
you actually are not a fucking bum.
You're very talented.
We both got recognized when we were hanging out,
which felt super fucking cool.
I got recognized and then he did.
And I was like, that's fucking cool, it's hell.
And I'm like, I feel like he's one of the first guys
I've met that were kind of, I don't say the same level,
but otherwise I'm like, hitting on the security
or the comedy store, being like fucking stupid.
You know what I'm doing?
I'm doing stupid shit.
And then I'm like, I shouldn't, I'm not like saying I'm like above anybody.
You're fucking right, it's a tool.
But I'm like, you know what I mean?
Like, this is my pressure road.
They have told them,
this is actually better than what else.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I just feel like somebody who's at like my,
like we're both doing well for ourselves.
We're both like getting recognized.
You know what I mean?
Like that kind of like, you know what I'm saying?
Power couple.
Kind of, yeah.
In a way, obviously I'm not like that big,
but I'm like, you know, it just felt nice.
But do you think living in 70s is a difficult,
no, I would never live in Seamsisco.
And he would never live here, so there's no one to work.
So that's that, there it is.
So that's what it is.
He just wanted a girlfriend.
Yeah, I don't think he wants a girlfriend.
Yeah, yeah.
But if he said to you, listen, I want to be exclusive with you,
but I'm not going to move there.
You're not going to move here, so how do we do this? I try to make it listen, I wanna be exclusive with you, but I'm not gonna move there, you're not gonna move here,
so how do we do this?
I try to make it work, I go there a lot.
So you go there twice a month?
Yeah, but long distance relationships only really work
if there is an end goal.
And okay, in two years, let's work towards something.
Yeah, I don't think they're really there.
They are very hard.
I don't know if you think they work?
What you're doing right now?
What I'm saying, can I just defend it?
Right, there's no way of knowing yet. Did they work? What are you doing right now? What I'm saying, can I just defend it? Yeah, right.
There's no way of knowing yet.
There's no way of knowing in the beginning.
No, but also, there's just no way.
Yeah, this is also the thing with the,
I did long distance with the blob.
And if I have been around him more,
I think I would have seen more red flags before,
because this way I'm like,
now I feel like I didn't fucking know him.
I got like honeymoon phase with him all the weekends.
And then when I found out who he really was,
I was like, Jesus Christ, I wish I would have seen this earlier.
That is the risk of long distance relationships
is that because you are not sharing a toilet,
you really miss a lot of cues.
Like a lot of things that would inform you otherwise.
Like you just miss it.
And like you said, it's constant honeymoon phase,
constant fun reunion each time you see them.
So like,
I like that.
I know because you like to eat the muffin top,
you like the thrill of beginnings,
so you're having constant beginnings.
And but also that's not sustainable
because that's not real life.
Like that's not a real partnership
if you can't see someone through the ugly stuff.
That's very true.
Like past the rosy colored glasses.
Oh, God.
But that's probably true with the toilet thing
because he did shit on my bidet
and I lost my fucking mind.
Wait, he's shit on my bidet.
Like, let me make this fucking clear.
The bidet that shoots water out
to clean your aimness, head fucking caca on it.
Oh.
How do you know that?
I don't know.
Where's his asshole?
I don't understand on the back of his
Hawkeye from fucking the bottom. How did he fucking any sense? Yeah, yeah, it was an accident stuff. No,
the blog. The blog made an accident. You can't you can't go. I'm going to hit the bidet with my
fucking shit right now. You can't do we not all all. When we're done taking a shit, peak into the toilet.
Does he make sure there's no mess?
No harm, no foul.
No, let me.
You shit and then walk out.
You don't look back.
I don't look back, dude.
That's crazy.
Also because of the kind of bad day he has,
it's the real like next generation one where it like it and it says hello to you
It says goodbye. It flushes for you. It's a little self-clean. Yeah, yeah, we're all done your Bobby get the hell out of here
Yeah, and also when you press the budget it comes out
It's not there so mine goes you press it goes coming
Okay, okay, and does it and then when you're done, it goes back in.
You guys don't look after you though.
I do, I always have to.
You don't look, ugh.
My wife told me that if you don't shut the toilet lid,
shit particles get up in your nose and your face
when you flush.
So then I stopped looking.
And then she started complaining about things
that I'd left in the toilet when it didn't flush completely.
So now I just like look at it and think about all the shit particles coming and hitting my face.
As soon as I put it.
You can just do a quick glance and then show.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
What after you flush?
I have one toilet that doesn't.
Or hold your breath.
You don't know how to hold your breath.
Or what if you close this vlog and just fucking fuck it?
Or what if you close this vlog and just fucking fuck it?
Or what if you close this vlog and just fucking fuck it?
Or what if you close this vlog and just fucking fuck it?
He likes the half of his own part.
I guess for girls, I don't know.
I just look between my legs, so I'm.
It's not right here, right?
After I've done wiping and flushing, I turn around.
I flush, I turn around and then I wash my hands
and I make sure that I don't throw it.
What do you see?
Kakas, shit, I have just shit.
I'm not gonna see.
What do I see?
I see my reflection.
Is it healthy?
There I am, covered in poo.
Fuck.
Every time, good bye, poo poo.
See you never.
Wow.
Wow.
I mean, do you look when it's like, I always look at my shed.
Oh, let me start.
I'm not a woman.
So can I ask a biological question?
Yeah.
When it's that time of the month,
and you're pooing, just some blood drip out?
Sometimes, not a lot.
Not like a, yeah.
It's like if you're pushing a shit out,
it's gonna, you're pushing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
There've been times where when my tampon is full,
and if I have to go number two,
the tampon falls out with, yeah, that happens.
Yeah, that happens a lot. So yeah, yeah. Because you're pushing both things at the same time. Yeah, I always to go number two, the tampon falls out with, yeah, that's awesome.
Yeah, that's awesome.
Because you're pushing both things at the same time.
Yeah, I always have to take my tampon out.
I always have to take my tampon out.
Right, of course.
You can't control your butthole and your fucking vaginal.
No, you can, but it grosses me out of the strings down there
or I like, come to string up and I feel like it's gonna be cut
on it.
Yeah, you gotta take it out.
No, what I'm saying is that you can't go,
I'm just gonna control the pushing out of my butthole
and not the vagina.
No, when you bear down, it's bearing down.
Like that's why when women give birth,
the poo sometimes comes out as well.
When you bear down that hard.
You're, we can't just,
it's like me, it's cool.
It's very close.
And he's eating at the same exact time.
I just would feel like, okay, I don't know.
A guy's gonna put a beat at the same time?
Have you put and then peed simultaneously?
I don't think so.
They go hand in hand.
I have a, okay, how about this?
When you have a really full bladder,
but you also have to shit,
but then when you push the shit out,
do you feel like peak comes out of your penis as well?
If you'd like, so you have a really full bladder.
Yeah, so that's just explained it to me.
Okay, close your eyes, Gilbert, imagine.
Okay, here we go.
We're back at the store.
Your bladder is so full, you have to pee really bad,
but you also have to poo really bad, right?
You sit down, you prioritize the poo,
and you push, you bear down on the poo,
does that make you also want to pee at the same time?
No, I want to say it like this, okay.
You don't be right.
Remember when-
Was that clear enough to guess? Yes, very clear clear who's saying Ebony and ivory the song ivory
Ebony and ivory it was Paul McCartney and Michael Jackson
Ebony and
Stevie Wonder and Stevie Wonder right they take turns singing
Wow, that's what it is. Right, so it's basically.
You know what I call that male privilege.
That's what you guys do.
This is what you're doing, right?
We don't know.
We don't know.
They're harmonizing.
Yeah, I am.
Right, you're harmonizing.
Like when, you know, Paul McCartney is singing,
is he singing about me?
Who says I have an egg?
Paul McCartney, if you want to.
Yeah, so it's Paul McCartney, and then, you know what I mean?
And then, people are going, I read at the same time, then Paul McCartney would then you know me and then people are going I read the same time
Then Paul McCarty would look at and go that's my turn and then and then he's Steve one is going what I can't see you
Oh, that's true that's true as well
Probably bad analogy probably a bad analogy, bro. That's what it's a, it is. Uh-huh, okay.
If you're in kuhuts,
and doing a show.
I get what you were saying.
I think the upside though,
the upside is that when we need to poo and pee simultaneously,
it can just be a one shot.
Yeah, we're sitting there as all coming out of ones.
Yeah, I mean, there is some level of control,
like if I have to go that I can still hold my pee in,
but there is that strong thing.
I think this is, oh yeah,
our stuff's not so much closer down there.
It's all like lying down.
Oh, really?
It is, I don't think so.
I really don't.
You don't think, what do you,
your P-holes at the end of your,
where's your P-hole?
Oh, no, hold on.
Hold on a sec, see what's your P-hole.
See what you're doing right now,
that anger and the frustration.
I'm in a very gaslighty right now.
Oh, my gaslighty?
My P-hole is by my vagina hole, am I asshole?
They're all seconds apart.
Okay, seconds apart.
Second, I'm gaslighting.
You're right.
Your pee hole is way up here and your anus is over here.
It's a whole bunch of space in the middle.
But can I just ask you a question?
You may.
You have the butt hole.
Then you have the taint.
Do you have a taint?
It's something down there.
There's a runway.
There's a runway.
There's a runway down there, right?
Maybe.
And then the whole, the short, the short.
Oh my God.
And then there's the whole part.
Oh my organs are hanging out.
The one where I've been having a hard time.
There's the whole part. and then there's the little area
where the peak comes out.
Yes.
So the distance between your bond hole and that little area,
what I'm saying is you have two land gaps there.
What I'm gonna call them gaps.
Right, so what I'm saying is I too have a taint,
right, they have a little bit of the sack,
but then the penis is right there.
So I think they do a little of the sack.
I think the distance is the same.
How's the time we talk?
I think the distance is the same.
Okay.
No?
Let's bring him out, let's measure them.
You guys have a tape measure?
Yeah.
Anyway, that's really bizarre, real quick.
What?
Yeah, yeah.
No, we would do it.
Oh, fuck.
It's okay, just water.
We keep going.
We keep-
We keep you flou- oh fuck you plow through
Yeah, why you're they're Gucci. Oh, wow you really have to know stuff
Yeah, yeah, it's Gucci glasses. Oh, let's see him. Oh, they look good. They are good. Yeah, they do actually they actually go to you
Anyway, let's go back to the blob.
Let's go.
No, let's get off the blob.
Fuck it.
I know.
Can we end it?
It's done.
I want to end the conversation.
The blob pued on your fucking bedade.
The blob.
Shit on my bedade.
I'm also fucking dead.
Okay, okay.
And I'm sorry about that.
And that's it.
We're done.
He's over at Never Time Again.
I just want him to know that I hit him.
Would you set me up with a friend of yours that, with me or not?
She tried with a titties that you left on red.
Bella doesn't want me.
She's just, you know.
I don't know.
Yeah, I think I would.
Well, how would you explain it?
We know with her.
I mean, with a friend of mine.
Yeah.
I think that's what I'm trying to think.
I mean, I don't know.
I don't know if any friends that I think you would be good with.
And I'm very good at setting up.
I've set up two couples.
Wow.
Oh, you are. Yes. And I can personally, personally,
I can personally vouch for him.
He really is such a sweetie pie.
Yeah, I wasn't saying this,
this is like a mean way.
I'm trying to think of all my friends who are single right now.
I just can't see, I can't see with any of them.
I've seen the girls you bring to the store.
They're corgi.
Yeah, so I'm like, do one of my friends, there's no way.
He wouldn't, he wouldn't want her as what I'm thinking in my head.
Okay, good. That's fair enough.
Yeah. I'm not thinking personally. Well, good. want her as what I'm thinking in my head. Okay, good. That's fair enough.
I'm not taking it personally.
Well, good.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm trying not to be rude here.
I'm not taking it personally, my friend.
It's for anybody.
Were your parents divorced?
No, shockingly.
Wait, and her parents recently,
or are they still in South Africa?
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Should I show the video?
I keep showing the same video on everyone's fucking.
I don't need to see it.
No, it's hilarious.
This would be, it's right up when we were talking.
No, it's actually perfect. I don't want to see it. No, it's hilarious. This would be, it's right up when we were talking. No, it's actually perfect.
I don't want to see it.
No, my father did his second ever, did his second ever real
on Instagram.
Okay.
Just show the second picture.
Well, yes, there's no internet here.
I can't show it, I have absolutely no internet.
Oh, here it is, second ever real.
And he blared, I've got to get the sound on.
He blared.
It's the account.
Okay, pull it up.
Pete, Pete, that's what, yeah.
Pete told me, yes.
I'm getting my dad more views.
Also, I shared it and he's got, oh yeah,
he's got way more, one of his views is 28.
This one is 1,667.
Wow, let's get more views on this thing.
Let's get more views on this thing.
Pete told about it.
I'm blown my dad off on Instagram.
So, on the...
Don divorce, they're insane people.
They're very insane.
I got in trouble when I was at my parents' cottage
this summer for using two towels.
Are you not supposed to do that?
I used two towels.
I, apparently the dock towel,
so it'd be the dock towel,
and then I used a separate towel for the shower.
I don't want lake ass and clean ass.
I got, I got in trouble.
They're very crazy.
Like when you trouble trouble, the yellow.
Oh, but that called me fucking idiot.
Yeah, my dad's psycho.
He's Eastern European, very Bulgarian man,
very quick and anger.
No accent, born in Canada,
but his parents were a range marriage.
They were.
So what are the towel rules?
There's so many rules.
Parents get set in their like, in their shit,
and their just very, my parents are very anal. So everything's like squeaky clean. If I go to put a cup down, there's a fucking
like coaster. That is exactly how my parents are. It drives the map. Okay, yeah. So it's
the elephant one. Here we go. Here we go. Yeah. So pay close attention to the second reel
here. Okay. Second pick. Right there. There it is. Okay, go back. We'll go back to that.
We'll go back to that. Yeah. Oh, it's a poo. That's really thick. It's so thick, it's psychotic.
Yeah, but he tied his timings and pack them up.
I mean, I think he-
I mean, the music's also ridiculous.
The music is in play.
Times like these, my footwear is,
so they were, do they strick going up?
Yes, it's such a huge shit.
It's crazy.
Isn't it a different kind of like mental torture
to grow up with someone that, you know,
because my mom is like,
OCD and symmetry and cleanliness and hygiene
and deep cleaning and no two towels, the exact same.
Like, I think the cleaning parts, I'm glad I got that stuff
but like they were, I had a very weird childhood.
I used to highland dance.
Scottish highland dance.
Oh, you did?
Killed to take pipes, yeah.
My whole life from 3 to 18.
So my mom was a teacher.
So I not only had like this insane Eastern European dad, but I had, my mother was my teacher. So I not only had this insane Eastern European dad,
but my mother was my dancing teacher,
and I was not good, but she was like,
you're gonna be good.
And I was like, I'm like,
you don't look like my dad.
I'm not gonna be fucking good dancer.
So I like, there was like,
one year I was good, I was nine.
And I had to come home and my lunch break and practice.
I had no fucking friends in school.
It was a nightmare.
I was like very, very bizarre.
We always did with travel. I watched no movies, the kick-growing, I was like, on the like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like,
I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I was like, I, no, I really didn't. I knew it wasn't good, and I was competitive, so I was like, better at sports and shit.
But then my mom was like, my mom had a dancer
who was super fucking good, and she's like,
and then we're like, new her because of that dancer.
So I think she's like, my girls have to be good.
Me and my sister were like, we're horrendous.
The second we hit high school,
we're like drinking and smoking excessively.
So it's like, we're not good.
So you have a sister.
I've said it's our young girl.
Younger, yeah.
Yeah, she wild.
She was, she's pregnant now.
Oh, she's pregnant.
Oh, good, good, good.
And you guys are best friends.
Yes, we are.
But you guys grew up in that strict environment.
Yes, we're both really happy.
And then how did comedy come about?
I think that it just kind of came out of me always performing
in front of people.
And like, because I'm like on stage dancing,
and I would always.
Yeah, but it's odd to me because when I pursue perform,
it's like, I want to say this in the nicest way possible.
Okay, then this means it ain't gonna sound good.
If you open with that.
Yeah, yeah.
And people have told me it's like, that's you.
Like that's what people see.
See me, see me in you?
Yeah.
In terms of energy.
Energy maybe, but like physicality knows the theory.
No, I'm talking about no, in terms of energy.
Okay, yeah, because we're both high energy and man.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, we're both very high energy.
Yeah, like I'm having a case.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I mean, once I go into the club, I know you're performing.
Yeah, yeah.
I hear you.
From the hallway.
I do.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So when I look at you, I go, wow.
Like, where did that come from?
Like, why?
Because you're, ah, you know what I mean?
And come back to you.
That is like dancing.
Like, if you see Highland Dancing,
it's very rigid, it's very forceful.
It's very like, it's a very aggressive form of dance.
You dance over fucking swords for God's sake.
It's very bizarre.
I don't know where the fuck came from.
I came out of my shell in grade eight,
and then I was like a psychopath.
And then you were rebellious in high school.
I got arrested in high school.
First of all. Wow.
First of all, who'd you jump?
No, me and my friend fought somebody, but it was more, yeah.
I started this fight with this girl.
And then what'd you call her?
I said that she had lice.
Are you being real? Are you being real? You have lice. Yeah, you fucking, yeah, yeah. I had lice. Are you being real? Are you being real?
You have lice?
Yeah, you fuck, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I love lice.
You love lice?
I love lice.
If you had lice?
Oh, yeah, so much.
It's witty.
She said lice, not rice.
That's the joke.
That's the joke.
That's the joke.
You love that joke.
You're like, that's the biggest laugh I've got of lice.
The whole thing is going to sound so fucking sad, but I felt like I was devoid of a lot of loving touch
when I was a kid, but I got it when I had lice.
When I had lice, my aunties and my mom would sift through my hair,
doing this a lot, so I felt super loved and dooted on in that moment.
So I'm like, I wanna have lice forever.
Yeah, this is the saddest thing I've ever.
Yeah.
I want a leprosy.
Yeah, yeah, you want leprosy? My dad would pick up my arm and attach it back on. I've ever heard. Yeah. I wanted a leprosy. Yeah, you were leprosy.
My dad would pick up my arm and attach it back on.
It was just felt real nice.
And I got the attention that I wanted, VLize.
So I was like, oh, they're doting on me and they care about me.
And they're touching my hair nicely.
Or else other than that, I was just beat mostly.
So yeah.
We were both beat.
Yeah, I was beat.
You were beat too? Not like beat me, but I was slapped a lot, yeah.
Who slapped you so personal, yeah.
You're a dad or your mom?
Dad.
Slap you in the face.
No, like, ah, some like, oh.
Oh, wow, wow.
Did you cry after?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, and it's so, you know, as a kid,
when you go through that, it's such a shocking.
People don't realize the impact it has.
I think, yeah, I mean, now I look,
and he is so apologetic over now,
and he gets emotional, I was like,
he's as bad, and he was really bad by his dad.
So I think it was a generation,
I think I don't look at him now and be like,
I was, I hated him for a long time,
we're good now.
And we've gotten past him, we've had a lot of talks
and stuff about him, but I'm like,
yeah, he was doing what he was taught to do.
Are they proud of you?
My dad is.
Mom's not.
Mom said something so fucked.
Oh yeah, it was so fucked.
She's like, that's why I can say it.
I can't fucking, it was actually really fucked up.
My mom, so I opened for Bill Burr in Toronto
at a 19,000 Cedarina.
Wow.
Insane.
Insane.
It was like the Air Canada Center,
which is now the school of America,
it's the biggest arena in,
and I think North America, it was such a fucking big deal for me. So this was in Toronto. It was like the Air Canada Center, which is now the school's main, is the biggest arena in, I think North America.
It was such a fucking big deal for me.
So this was last year,
I was like leading up to it.
I was like flipping the fuck out.
Did you comp a lot of people?
That's right.
No, no, no, I didn't comp it with the elbow tickets.
All my friends bought tickets.
And you're, why?
Because I didn't want to ask Bill for a favor.
I was all panicked, I think.
I think I got a couple of comps.
Did you comp your parents?
My mom didn't come.
My mother chose to go to Scotland to watch her dancers.
When she did not need to be there,
even her friends were like,
I think you should fly home and see your daughter.
And she chose, I'll never get past it.
Like I literally, I think when I'm getting a little emotional
because it was really fucked up.
I was like the biggest fucking show
might ever do my whole life. And my sister, my dad, we're backstage
and I looked over and I just saw them
and Bill watching me.
And I was like, and then I come off my dad,
my sister are bawling their eyes out and Bill's like,
oh, proud of me.
It was fucking crazy.
So it was like really not.
So then literally after I got yelled at
at the cottage for the towels,
my dad was like looking at his Instagram
and they saw a picture of me, Bill on my podcast.
He was like watching it and he's like,
I look over and he's like wiping tears. I'm like, what are you's like watching it and he's like, I look over and he's like,
whiting tears.
I'm like, what are you doing right now?
And he's like, I just can't believe you're like,
you're doing it with all these big guys.
I'm so proud.
And then my mom literally,
and I was like, I know dad,
it's I'm like, I start to believe.
And mom's like,
you didn't actually think you'd get this far, did you?
And I was like, what?
And she's like, honestly, did you really think? And I was like, I'm going to cry. I'm like, what? And she's like, honestly, did you really think?
And I was like, I'm going to cry.
I'm 30, eight.
I'm just crying.
I'm going to cry.
And relationship.
That's crazy, right?
It's crazy.
It's crazy.
It's crazy, dude.
That's so, it's so bizarre.
It's so bizarre.
And I think my mom is like, weirdly jealous of my career.
She goes, everyone thinks you're funny because it makes sense.
Oh, so lady, no one gives a fuck
about Scottish dancing.
Where you gonna get eight people watching that shit.
No one gives a fuck about that.
It was fucked.
I'm just like,
19,000 people with a bill, two shows,
Bill Burr sold out, right?
None of your dancers are ever gonna get to that level.
No.
Your daughter is killing it, bitch.
I'm sorry, that's it.
No, it's fucked. And she like, the most bitch. I'm sorry, that happened.
No, it's fun, and she was the most fun part.
Like, if you wouldn't have cried,
we would do the rinsing right now.
So one of her dancers, who's doing well,
is on some like Disney show,
and my mom keeps posting,
like so and so is on this Disney show.
Look how good she's doing,
and like keeps posting her,
and she has not posted a single thing about me.
Okay, it's crazy.
Have you ever just straight up asked her,
like, what is the deal?
I kind of, but it's very hard to talk,
because parents are set their ways.
Therapy, the whole thing.
So it's like, no, Judy, here's a shitload about this.
But I'm at the point where I'm out,
it's just like I'm over it.
It doesn't keep me up,
and I don't really give a fuck anymore.
It's really fucked up.
But you still have to sit down with them and go,
and go, you're hurting me,
and this is a reason my feelings,
and this is, you know, what it's doing to me,
and I just wanna let you know that.
And after that, like what they do with that information,
that you can't control that.
You can't control that, but you have to do that at least, right?
You're not gonna do that?
No, I will, but it's just like,
my sister's having a baby right now,
and I have to go back over Christmas,
and I have another big show happening.
I don't wanna do all this before the thing.
It's like, I was her relationship with your sister.
No, we're both in the same boat right now.
I live with sisters.
Like, I can't even explain what it's like
to have a sister that's an ally.
Like, I could cry thinking about it.
Literally, it must have just been literally
since I started comedy, and I was bad.
Like, I used to play like literally
like the baby elephant walk off my old phytophone
and it's like dance and the stage.
Like, not funny at all.
I would fall on every night and sit there and laugh and clap.
And I'm like, I'm eating shit.
Your sister.
She's your.
Actually, her and her husband, Alex,
they're so fucking supportive.
Like, they're probably both,
if I call them, I know I guarantee
one of them's wearing my merch.
Like, they're like insanely, yeah, they're like
very, they're great.
They come on my shows, they're like insanely supportive.
It's like, it's wild to have like,
I don't know,
it's weird feeling to be like proud of yourself
and like what you've done and then just have your mom
and say,
I'm just supposed to say.
There it is.
That's what I did, my whole fucking life.
Holy shit.
But it's our, those jackets too smell so fucking bad
because it's like a weird thick velvet.
Also those stages, in the summer, that's fucking wool.
You get on stage and your feet are burning
because the shoes are so thin.
So with this dance, if you touch the sword,
you're done, you have to get off stage.
Or qualified.
So if you're one-
Oh, a girl's messing it up.
No, she's doing a different step.
I don't know why she, that's so much harder.
That's such a stupidity in the left to do that.
Ah.
Oh, it's a little...
But I'd be in the back, like, it'd be me in the back, shit talking, like I was, my friends were that. I'm not that. I'm not that. I'm not that. I'm not that. I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that.
I'm not that. I'm not that. I'm not that. I'm alone. And I'm like, oh yeah, the parents hate him. I love all these little subcultures. Yeah, people are innocent.
This is weirdly big too.
This is also in Canada.
Oh, maybe not.
It's kind of like though.
Did your mom maybe have some unrealized?
Oh, she's sorry, yeah, she's done.
She's gonna keep going.
She shouldn't keep on saying.
Yeah, she just, you get just pushed off the stage
when you're in the bar, she should have just,
I mean, sometimes you can like hit the sword
and get away with it.
Yeah.
Yeah, did your mom have some unrealized dream maybe that she feels like, well, she's
the thing is she's like popular in this form of dancing.
Like, everyone knows what she is.
So it's like bizarre that I don't know what it is.
It's a, it's fucking weird.
Yeah, I mean, it's like my, my parents didn't support me at all.
My dad even said to me, he goes, you, you never make a meal up.
Why you do comedy?
Eber make me laugh.
I know, but it's a different thing, you know what I mean?
You're just not funny.
Right, and then when I told them,
they didn't support me at all.
Do they now?
Well, he's dead, but it's all right, and I love it.
He's right there.
Say hi.
Robert, in the box.
In the box.
He's in the box.
Oh shit. There's my dad right there. All the ashes. In the box. Yeah, yeah.
Oh shit.
There's my dad right there.
All the ashes are in there?
Half.
Half.
What did that have?
My brother has it.
Bottom half he has.
I only have the bottom half.
My point is, I don't want to get into what?
Because we talk about every time.
But, but, um,
Talking about you, bottom half ashes.
I think that's what he ever says.
Yeah, because I don't want it to,
if I had the upper head that he can haunt me.
Okay, I said,
I don't want this part.
I wouldn't have legs.
He put the camera legs just like stomp around.
That's fine.
What's scarier?
The Scottish dance.
Yeah, you can dance in the sorrows on your head.
The Scottish dance got my rooftop.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Anyway, but then I did J Leno, the tonight show,
and I told my parents that I was gonna be on it
and they watched it.
And the next day they were like,
well my dad said, the first thing he said pissed me off,
he goes, how much did you pay them?
He thought that, he first, he thought that you went to Jenga.
Here's two grand, put me on your show.
How much did you pay?
Like you think Tom Cruise goes, here's a check.
I mean, but so then I go, and then my mom explained to me,
that's not how it works.
It's so hard to get on it.
I mean, only the best in this and that, that's not.
And then he called me a couple of hours later
and he goes crying.
And he goes, I'm so sorry to support you.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
That is sweet.
That is nice.
But so you want that, but your mom's not even
giving you that.
No, and I thought so because the first time they saw me do, they saw me do a really good
just for off-staping, like years ago, like 2027, and I thought that was like, oh, they're
gonna get mad.
But what you were saying?
And I thought the years ago, like 11 years ago.
And they saw you do it.
Yeah, and then I got to the audience.
They were in the audience.
Yeah, and I think that's, I was like, oh, that, maybe that's the moment, because you know,
the first 10 years was a struggle.
It's just so hard in Canada as a comic.
Yes.
See even get on that shit.
And then I thought, the Netflix thing,
I was like, this will get her.
This and I'm like, Bill put me on his fucking special.
This is gonna get my mom proud of me.
And she's still like, you know, well,
someone sells on a Disney movie.
She's background, but, you know, she's gonna,
it's like, I'm literally coming on Bill's movie
and I'm like, I'm going to be in a movie.
Because you and I get a movie together and you're a good actress yeah. I'm literally coming on Bill's movie, and I'm like, I'm going to be in a movie.
Because you and I get a movie together,
and you're a good actress,
so maybe you'll get on a big movie,
and then you know.
Bill, I'm doing a Bill's movie.
Oh, dad's.
Oh, you're in that.
I'm in that motherfucker.
He run my ass into that.
And your parents still.
My dad, it was super.
It's like, tells everybody.
My dad tells like, there's literally,
okay, my dad's so insane.
So after the cottage, you take your garbage to a dump,
because that's, there's the gear in the woods.
My dad has bragged to the guy that dump about me.
I think he was using him, though,
to be able to dump the mattress at the break.
But he's been like, my dad is a comedian.
The dump guy came to see my show when I was in Toronto,
and my dad now wants to give him a fucking free merch.
This man just sits in his truck and goes,
how are you?
And now he's like a fan of mine,
because my dad goes and goes,
oh, my dad's a comedian.
Wow.
He just tells everybody,
I'm like,
I'm dumb, that is sweet.
That makes up for the lack of-
It does.
My dad, my sisters make up for, yeah.
And I'm like, it's fine, whatever.
It's not fine.
It makes me so mad.
I'm glad you're fine.
I'm fine with that.
I'm not fine with that.
I hate it.
I'm so mad.
I'm more annoyed at these fucking men standing me up
as a waste of my time. At least my mother, I'm like, you've got your own issues, it's fine. I know, we know the same guy. I'm more annoyed at these fucking men standing me up as a waste of my time.
At least my mother, I'm like, you've got your own issues.
That's fine.
I know, we know the same guy, I can't say his name,
but there's another comic that's very talented
that we know.
I get your favorite, and you bleep it out, right?
F***ing.
You know, his parents.
He's cute.
He's very cute.
Anyway, my back hurts.
But his parents are always like, you know what I mean?
Why did you quit your job as an engineer?
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there's nothing they can do really
to get them fully on board.
Do any comics that are working,
you know, do they have really support parents?
I don't think I know anybody who,
most comics I think have an issue with a parent.
We're not, this is what we're doing this,
because we didn't feel loved.
That's why I'm doing it. I mean, I think that you're right. I think you're hitting in the head there,
nail in the head. Yeah, I think this is what most going to talk with us too, that they're
like, but there needs to be a win. For me, there needs to be a win. So it's like, you
know, when me and Andrew played Phoenix, it was like that 4,000 seats or whatever, and
I brought my mom on stage, right?
And it wasn't I think I did it because they cheered for it because they she's done my part
our part this podcast and the other one and
They know she is and it's just one of those things
I just like you know remember used to hit me in the face because I got all F's and you said that I was never gonna
Mount anything right and then you said, I have 28 first cousins,
they all went to Ivy League schools, right?
And like, I'm doing better than all of them, right?
Just remember, you did all that?
Well, this is what I did.
You just need that moment, no or no.
Why are you crying?
I'm crying?
Yeah, you seem like you're crying.
I'm not crying, not even close.
I think, I'm doing, like, I'm doing,
I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing,
I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm doing, I'm like, I'm doing, I'm doing, I've been showing Toronto and I think I'm,
maybe that'll be the moment.
Where are you gonna do it?
The Danforth Music Hall.
It's only 1200 seat theater, but it's my first time
doing my own theater.
Yeah.
I played it.
Did you do the Danforth Music Hall?
In Toronto.
Yeah, beautiful theater.
It's a really cool theater.
Oh, you're gonna kill it there.
I'm already 80% sold out and it's not till December,
so I'm pretty pumped up.
And your mom's gonna go?
Aha, I've got like, everyone I know is going
throwing a huge after party. I'm party and like for filming a documentary around it
like it's a huge thing and you think your mom's gonna say something then I
know I just feel like that might be the moment to be like hello like you
not seeing this like yeah yeah well like me I am here's a here's exciting part
though is you're just here you're just starting you don't you're not seeing
what I see what I see is five years on the road when you're just here, you're just starting. You don't, you're not seeing what I see.
What I see is five years on the road
when you're actually doing the thing
that Bill's doing or whatever, right?
Don't cut yourself out, you know what I mean?
You have the talent to do it.
And I think that it's just beginning.
I think when the strike's over, you're gonna get an acting job.
It's gonna be great.
Well, that's nice.
Okay, so what I'm saying is, what?
They're wearing so nice now.
I'm a nice person.
And I've always been nice to you.
You've had a wall and I'm trying to break through that wall.
That's who I am.
Okay, who are you?
Yeah, yeah.
What the fuck are you doing now?
I'm crouched out behind the wall.
I'm crouched out behind the wall.
No, but I really do believe that.
So it's like, it's just the beginning for you.
And if she can't get on board, I just, you know,
then at some point you're just gonna have to go fuck it. It's never gonna happen. on board, I just, you know, then at some point,
you're just gonna have to go,
fuck it, it's never gonna happen.
Yeah, no, no, I think I'm at that point now.
I don't, I'm not really holding on to it.
I don't know.
What are you expecting that her going,
I'm so sorry or what do you want?
Oh, I don't think that would ever happen.
But you want some acknowledgement, like,
what about this?
I guess some acknowledge me.
Yeah, I don't need like a bunch.
I just, I mean,
How about this, Steph?
I'm proud of you.
That would be nice.
Would you cry?
No.
What would cry?
Steph?
You sound like just like Irma.
Yeah, yeah, you sound like Steph.
Steph, you know, all the years that, you know, I pushed you to do Scottish dancing.
I didn't work out, but I want to tell you something.
And all the, you know, you did the Bill Burr show and I didn't go to it.
And I want to tell you the reason why.
The reason why is because, you know,
I had dreams for myself.
I never worked out for me.
And I've always, I've, at least dreams
that you're not even aware of.
That was too afraid to try and you did it.
You followed your dreams.
You walked through that fear.
You jumped through those hurdles.
And I'm just, I think I was jealous,
but I wanna say to you now, as your mother,
I love you so much, and I'm so proud of you.
Are you gonna cry?
This is like the best acting ever seen you do.
That's so fucking, so fucking rude of you
to even say something like that.
How fucking dare you? This is my house.
You think you're gonna cry?
Yeah, because I want that for you.
No.
Would that make you cry or not?
No, no, no, I don't think so.
It's your dead inside.
Oh, yeah.
I give it all.
It's all your dead inside.
I didn't know you're dead inside.
You're so old.
No, I cry a lot, but I wouldn't cry with that.
Right.
But you know what's great that your dad's into it
and your sister's into it.
That's it.
That's all I need.
You know.
So let's plug some dates. What do you want to you have a podcast? I do Stefan faction. You've done it
Do I have a fog? I did it you did it where you we talking about well at all things comedy you idiot and I went all the way to do it
Yes big deal for me
No memory. Hey check out the episode of me, Bobby.
Zero memory.
Yeah, I got a lot of events coming up.
Here's all I'm asking.
Follow my fucking ass on Instagram.
I do a lot of stand up posts.
I do a lot of character stuff.
Podcast shit.
Follow me on Instagram.
That's Dev Toll of, that's it.
Follow Steph Toll of.
That's all I'm asking.
Please.
Please.
Anything else coming up? Yeah, I got a bunch of shows. I'm on tour. I have a Phil's Queen tour. Please. And anything else coming up?
Yeah, I got a bunch of shows.
I'm on tour. I have a Phil's Queen tour.
I got a whole tour coming up.
I'm all of his fucking place.
It's pinned on my profile if you want to see him come.
So, so, so, so, Bill Burr directed you and old dads.
Yeah, he wrote me into it.
It was fucking crazy.
But he directed too.
Yeah.
Yeah, he directed me in something recently.
He's a great writer.
He's very good.
He's so good.
It was, it's a small role.
I'm not sitting here saying I'm not gonna
It's very small role. Yeah, yeah, yeah saying I'm not thinking it's very small to yeah
Yeah, I'm not saying anything. Yeah, yeah, I'm just saying you know as a there you are
It is felt queen tour. So you in town this week at the store?
No, I'm in Florida. I had a I'm out of here. What town or land on and then Tampa the improv?
Have you played before no, it's good. Okay. You're not fun. And then Tampa after that, improv?
I've done that great.
It's good.
These are great clubs.
Live to hear it.
They're great rooms.
You're the best staff.
Thank you so much.
So thanks so much for the great room.
But last thing I want to say though, is this?
We're still on it.
You're being, please.
I think we got to hear it.
We do the mom voice for it.
I feel like it's staff.
That's a no.
It's a different one.
It's a different one.
Staff.
I want to say that next time at the comedy store, let's just, you know, let's be by guns
by by guns.
I thought we were nice to each other.
I'm very comfortable with it.
Thank you.
Bye.
Yeah. Now your ideas don't have to wait.
Dell technologies and Intel are pushing what technology can do. So great
ideas can happen right now.
Right now how to bring your ideas to life at Dell.com. Welcome to Now.