TigerBelly - The BEST OF 2023!!!
Episode Date: January 3, 2024Thank you sleepers and papayas for an amazing 2023! Your support is what makes the Slept Kingdom the greatest kingdom of all.  ...
Transcript
Discussion (0)
You once pronounced opinion Buick.
Pfft!
Pfft!
This is all over the f***ing thermostat.
What?
We need to change subjects.
Why?
I may not be able to do this podcast after this.
I never thought that I would take a photo of my bunhole.
Oh, that's your first mistake.
I've never looked at a woman's vagina and go, I don't like that color.
I have.
You have.
Oh, black.
Can I get some strip club music? I have you have a black
Everybody 3.91 Eddie Wong, Daddy's Home I just want to, this is crazy when Koreans talk to other Asians this way because
you're under Chinese and Japanese.
Oh, never before heard of this podcast.
I'm saying, man.
That's absolutely not true.
This Korean man's been oppressing you guys.
Daddy's home.
Eddie's home.
Oh, really?
Daddy.
Yeah, he was.
Yeah.
Just, Daddy, do you drink a virus or really that is that it. It's called, yeah. It's just,
Daddy, do you drink a virus or two?
I did.
I did.
All right, it actually,
yeah, we make fun,
we make samsung,
I'm like that.
I'm releasing with Chinese street fish virus.
Three and 95, Ronnie Chame.
When I say car, what do you hear?
Car.
Car,
cartoon.
Yeah, that's, no, you say cartoon. Yeah, that's, no.
You say Ka-tun.
Yeah.
There's no R when you say it.
And then she says,
Are you one of those agents who can't say the R?
I think I can say the R. My name is Ronnie.
Yeah, I should fuck you.
That's fun.
That's true.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But what?
He doesn't come up with any.
But I don't know what, I don't know what you guys hear when I talk when you say
What I at most of the words I can't understand you can't understand I'm saying this
Understand most of the words, right? But when you say are it's a little weird you say it in a Bostonian way
Car yeah, it's not Asian. It sounds more Bostonian. Well, I use I spent some time in New Hampshire
Does that oh did you really yeah, when I was a kid I was I grew up in New Hampshire a New Hampshire. Is that oh, did you really? Yeah, yeah, when I was a kid
I was I grew up in New Hampshire a little bit. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, that's interesting. Manchester, New Hampshire. Oh, I didn't know that so maybe that's
where you got a lot of what are your thoughts on someone like Hilaria Baldwin like fully
adopting a Spanish accent?
You hear about that? No, I don't even know who the
Balden is Alec Baldwin's wife and she grew up in the United States
but she used to spend some summers in Spain.
And then now she speaks like these like almost a decent
like full of Spanish accent but American.
And people are calling her out on it and being like,
Hey, like you're kind of like.
I don't know that.
Yeah, I don't know either.
I don't know anything about it.
If I knew about it, I'd have a comment.
But I could come on on this, right?
Yeah.
I know that you can't pick up an accent
if you were raised, you know what I mean, as a kid.
You can, yeah.
You can't.
There's what?
It gets to a point in your age development
that if I was raised in America for 10 years
and I went to Australia,
I would pretty much still have an American accent.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, that is true.
Don't you think?
As far as what happened to me,
I lived in Australia for 10 years.
Yeah, because I see, I hear a lot of Australia
when you talk.
You do?
I do.
426, Miss Pat, natural.
What's pretty about that?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's true.
I don't know, it looks like a shine,
like a, like a toe pass.
Oh yeah, like caramel.
Yeah.
Do anybody have a keep them? I think so. Oh, yeah, like caramel. Yeah, do anybody ever keep them?
I think so. Yeah
I'm like broken tooth. Yeah, these ones aren't that good looking. A is good. No, a this is our okay, okay
Yeah, great. Now G is pretty. Yeah, geez. Yeah, geez, but nice. Yeah, she looks like a dick
Anyway, I think you're wrong. I don't think they look good.
I find them pretty.
Okay.
Do you ever see one live?
I have seen them.
Yeah.
They're like, they have this like a greenish,
because of like all the bile.
They have like a greenish yellow color.
What do y'all do with them?
I don't know what they do with them.
I'm sure they just toss them out,
because it's biohazardous.
Why is the bile hazardous?
I mean, it's coming from your insides, right?
Well, someone may take their sense of sac
and clean their face with it.
I know, some people don't eat it.
Some people don't eat them.
Yeah, I know my friend ate her placenta.
Where's the placenta at?
That's what the baby is exactly the baby is in.
So when the baby come out, it's in a sac.
You cut the sac and take the baby out.
Well, that's stuff, they say they make soap out of it
and make up and stuff out of it.
I don't know.
You can pull it up a send a sec.
But some people eat it because it's healthy.
I'm not eating my insides.
There's this girl on TikTok.
She collects her period blood and she's praised her plants
with a period blood and she has allegedly,
she's like, oh, I have such a green thumb.
It's not a green thumb, I actually just spray all my plants with my period. and she has like allegedly, she's like, oh, I have such a green thumb, it's not a green thumb, I actually just
spray all my plants with my period blood.
Period blood.
Yeah, so she's.
And the cat plants like it.
I don't know.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't know.
It means she's a vampire.
She probably cut their camera off and lick their hair.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I don't think the plants like it.
I don't know.
You know, at some moment do art with her period, you know how? I'll get anyone to move on.
I hate people who run around and say, oh, it's natural.
And they just all in the street smell like a fucking fish sounds
bleeding.
Come on, bitch.
Come on.
You ain't got to be that fucking natural.
Nobody wants to smell your ass.
That is true because if you think about it, it's like a-
I'm naturally, too, but I got on a pad, bitch.
It's like it's the lining of your endometrium.
I don't even know what fucking endometrium is.
I know a nigga named Demetres.
But you're right, though.
I mean, I hear smelling like ads.
I mean, that is the worst fucking smell
when it's said on you and dry.
Oh, so bad.
It's, I mean, it smells like the smell bad.
It smells like dead people don't die die fish don't swim up and die is just yeah
I you that's I don't ain't nothing naturally about bleeding your fucking underwear and when I see them with me
It's our parakeet. What bitch do it in the house?
One of your bloody ass I hear hope yeah, everybody know you fucking bleed
Yeah, but I can I be honest with you know with the screw that I'm seeing she was on a period and I kind of and I you aider
Yeah, if it's fresh out the tap. It's okay. It was right, but if it's sitting there all day
What the fuck you mean is not a beer
I get it
It only smells bad when it's been sitting in a pan abroad
Get it. I don't think it's bad.
It only smells bad when it's been sitting in the pan.
It's not edible.
It's not fucking edible.
It tastes like pennies.
It does taste like pennies.
It tastes like pennies.
I bet it do.
And I love pennies.
It doesn't taste good.
I bet you won't swallow a bucket of fucking pennies.
That's true.
That is true.
That's true.
That is true.
That's true.
You're always smart.
Yeah, you're right.
That is so fucking nasty.
As the period is so fucking nasty, you should unless you're fucking yeah, you're right. That is so fucking nasty. Yeah, I'm sorry. As the parody is so fucking nasty,
you should unless you're fucking brown flyer,
or you need a blood transfusion,
why the fuck are you sucking blood out of a bee?
Yeah, Bobby.
Yeah, Bobby.
Why are you sucking blood?
I'll tell you what, I was in a sexual mood.
I don't give a fuck.
All right, why are you getting away from me?
It was a Yorva giant, huh?
Why are you even sticking your dick in a bloody pussy is smaller this year?
You a pussy I got no grit when it's bleed
Oh my god, no you gonna die from that bloody
Don't you ever kiss are you are you
I don't know how many people you know who been eating vegan and eating green shit their whole life is still got counts I'm not gonna deprive myself of a motherfucking thing
They say and God make my arms fall off
I could use that same arm to eat a cheese burger
If they're saying that you eat too many greasy foods I worry they say fat
50 and fat all-call gas ghost on okay
Okay, let's move on then yeah, I, I'm just, I just said that.
She can get gals bladdled.
Anyone can't, yeah, my cousin, she was 21 when she had her.
My daughter was in her 20s when she had it.
Yeah.
It just pop up, who knows, don't get it.
Don't do that healthy shit, man.
I'm not even gonna fuck a chop bar.
Pop toy?
Yeah.
Chop bar, you said chock bar? She said the authentic Asian way. I'm not in my fucking chat bar. Fuck Troy? Yeah.
Chocolate bar.
You said chocolate bar?
She said the authentic Asian way.
Oh yeah, chocolate bar.
Yeah.
She said,
Chocolate bar.
Yeah, chocolate bar.
What?
How did I get box joy out of chocolate?
I kind of got a tool.
Did you get it?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know, I think I know what you say.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's called, but anyway, yeah, yeah, I know I know I think I know what you say. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's good. But anyway, um
It's right. Is that gum? It's um, she'll hate it. You want some candy? You want to try who I can't eat miss pet miss pet if you're ever
Why you got a what you should play like Hawaii theater or something? Yeah, blue note blue note. Yeah, blue notes a little too small
Too small too small. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Have you played Yeah, blue note's a little too small for this time. It's too small, too small for this time.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Have you played out there yet?
No, I haven't.
Oh my God.
I got booked doing COVID and we canceled.
Oh, you did, okay.
I was supposed to go there in Australia,
and I didn't do either one.
Oh, for 07, airy spears, the biggest issue.
Why don't you tell me what it is
because you said earlier that you said you had a problem
with what the issue was.
Tell me what the issue was.
Tell me what the issue was.
Okay.
What do I begin?
I remember one thing.
I remember one thing you said specifically was.
Yeah.
I never talk to you.
You said, Erwin's never talk to me.
Let me, let me, let me get it out.
Okay.
Right. Let me get it out and let, and then let me, um, and it's not a lot.
Okay. It's like 15th in our beginning. It's not a lot. Okay. It's like 15th at non-buking.
It's not a lot.
It's a couple of things.
Okay.
And this is my honest feeling, okay.
So when I, like, do you remember when I was on Mad,
how terrible I was at Table Reads?
That's one of my biggest issues.
Yes.
What do you mean?
Go ahead.
Yeah.
So when I would do Table Reads, I would be so nervous because I'd never done one before
and I never really acted before.
I'd done commercials.
Right.
But I mean, there was so much pressure that every time I would do a table read, I was fine
when I was on set.
He's also dyslexic.
So, like, reading stuff off of papers really, really hard for him.
But no one knew that, right?
So I'd be at table reads.
I wouldn't sleep all night because I would try to memorize it.
And then once I was there at the network thing
and I saw all the fucking actors,
the first couple of years, it was rough.
And I remember like going, oh, fuck,
like it's so embarrassing.
I said, you have PTSD from them, right?
So that, so when I first got on there,
I was scared, table reads were bad.
I'll be honest with you.
I got on it when Alex was still there.
So you and Alex and Deborah were going through
some sort of law thing.
It wasn't, it didn't get to that point, right?
But you guys were talking.
Yes.
So there was like a civil war going on at mad tv between areas and Deborah Wilson not between us me and Deborah was like no no you just yeah
you together and Alex forced me at the time right and it was because of a um cold joke with the
fingers yes right I remember right I don't want to get into that what it is but there's colds on
the fingers and so in my head, I was like,
oh, there's some sort of thing going on.
And then I think there was a thing,
I might be wrong between David Salzman,
the owner of the show, and Alex as well,
about merchandise or something.
So now, I'm coming into a show where there's a civil war,
you can feel it, like, whoa, this is weird.
And then, and also I'm terrible.
So people don't think that I'm gonna laugh.
Just so you know, David Salsman and Alex Borenstein,
two Jews arguing over money, that's just a-
I know, it's not just big of an idea.
I know, he said merchandise, I was like, merchandise!
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So I come on and then that's going on in the show.
So people don't think I'm gonna last, right?
So why would anyone need to be nice to me, right?
And also I'm feeling the energy guys.
So I'm just feeling this weird fucking energy
on the show, right?
So then I meet Aries and just to buy,
just, I just think that you were very standoffish.
I like the word aloof, but go ahead.
Okay, you're aloof, right?
And then, and we didn't even have a conversation
for a couple of years.
Right.
Like two or three years, I remember,
because I'll tell you how I remember.
My third year, when I saw you once,
like the beginning of the season,
you said hi to me my third year,
and I remember it going, being going,
wow, that's weird.
I think you wrote it in your journal.
I think I had a journal from back then
where I wrote like,
Eris, you said hi to me today, right?
And this is like your is just third year
on a TV show together.
It's like strange to me, right?
So that's the number one thing.
And the second thing is this,
then let me stop there.
Because let me address that. Listen, let me address that listen. Let me address that
Well, you can't write it down all three and then you got where I see partner
I'm gonna dress I'm sure and you said I could think all right here's here was my issue with you from gate
And and later on you revealed to us more so that you have issue like substance abuse problems, right?
Okay, one I didn't know that to us more so that you have substance abuse problems, right?
One, I didn't know that.
Had I known that, I would have taken that into account.
That being said, here was my problem.
You know, if you remember, you could count all the black writers
in more on Mad TV on Three Fingers.
We had three black writers.
So yes, other writers would write for us,
meaning me and Deborah, the black folks,
but really, the people that were assigned to us
and to me specifically, was DeVon Shepard.
And when he was loved by his man, Xavier.
Xavier Cook.
I love those two guys.
But DeVon was my main guy.
If he was like my Georgia or Amani,
if I needed to suit, he knew my measurements. Yeah, yeah, communically
We would like that. Yeah, so I'm saying that to say we we know that this business is political
We know that it's racist and a lot of times
Devon and I would have to fight for sketch time everybody's fighting for sketch time
But really is a black person, you're really fighting. Because you know,
we could sit there and read a whole table read, work the sketches, and you might be lucky some weeks
if you're in one. There would be times when you'd be in none. And so you you fight for sketch time.
And the concern was because you were maybe, you know, dyslexic. Yeah, you substance abuse problems. I'm not dyslexic. I don't know why you're putting that out there
You're hitting me. Give me a book right now. I can read the whole thing in front of you
Okay, I'm going with her. She right now. She's three and oh give me a parent give me a book right now
She told you you didn't have a ice and you thought you had ice
Okay, go just she hooked up about later of go course. I didn't say you were illiterate.
I said you were dyslexic, you would flip things down.
And when under the pressure, you mix things up.
All right, let me say this.
Because of dyslexia, because of the substance abuse,
which I get, I don't have dyslexia.
I don't have dyslexia.
Let's just say you do.
It helps your case.
You're so unaware.
Most men are, but this one, it's special.
Anyway, so, and the fact,
read that again.
Naps are awesome.
Oh no, I'm about to prove your point.
Bobby, wait, let me talk to her for a minute.
Because Bobby wasn't great at reading at the table.
He would often tank sketches, not on purpose,
but because he was so awful,
without looking at each other, we would know like telepathy.
Well, that's a sketch I'm not gonna be in.
It's not gonna get picked.
Nika, you once pronounced opinion Buick.
Pfft.
It was in the script, the word opinion.
This nigga said Buick.
Pfft.
You're not this like that.
So, my thing was, my thing was, for a long time,
it was a respecting, not that I didn't respect him,
but I was just like, God damn it.
And so, but prior to you, I'm, listen,
I'm working with Deborah, Mo, Michael, Will,
Alex, Phil, Nicole, Heavyweights.
Everybody's bringing the thunder comedically. We know we are a well
bro, we are the Lakers when Pat Riley was winning
But on game day
Every sketch I did we not talk about practice
But let me ask the game. We talk about
All right game day. I brought it, but but if I didn't bring it on game day,
I would've been fired.
But Michael Jordan brings it just in hard and practice,
just as hard and practice as he is.
All right.
I'm Michael Jordan.
No, not me.
That's what you're trying.
Get out, get out.
You're a big joy.
My point is, is that, but let me find a smile.
How do you think I lasted?
Bobby, you let me get to it.
Okay, bye.
So to answer your question. Yes for three years
I was a luft towards you because I was just going
Wait a minute guys. It takes a month. I'm going everybody else is pulling their weight and showing their metal
So yes, he's on the team
But until he shows me his metal and he can pull his own weight. Yeah, I'm a little skeptical.
Okay.
Now, now, was that the best thing to do?
Could I have handled that better?
Of course.
But you gotta remember how old I am.
I'm young.
You know what I'm saying?
I'm learning.
I'm a little wet behind the ears.
But I'm also, and I'm not trying to be cocky, but I'm nice with it, man.
I'm nice with it.
I've been doing it since I was 14.
Yeah, so let me say something.
That's the first thing, but let me do a rebuttal, okay?
But I remember at season three, what's taking a shit on the floor in your dressing room?
I was like, where's the comedy in that?
There's no camera.
There's no cameras in your dressing room.
Are you sitting on your floor?
I know, that's just my way.
Yeah, that's the last one.
Let me take some.
It's a samurai's way.
Hey, listen.
The samurai's way.
Black people in do-do don't mix.
I get it.
You can look at MTV.
I'm doing this.
The suit is off, it's white people shit.
Niggas don't do do-do.
Oh.
You look like a TV addict.
I'm ridiculous.
This white boys, we shit everywhere. Niggas don't play with do-do. I know. I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know I know the N word way, okay?
Okay, I don't know if you were there but in my third or fourth season I started killing it a table
is yeah, I didn't get nervous and yes, and you went out nervous. I can't read nervous anymore. Yes, and you went out and nervous? I can't read, and I'm not nervous. I kill it.
And you started killing it on the floor,
which finally started making me go,
I, I, yeah, okay, I accept that.
Here's the second thing.
Uh-oh.
What, there's more.
That part's gush, that one point.
Okay, that's one point, all right?
Well, just to wrap up that,
that's what I have two other things.
So, let's wrap that up.
You have to respect, you have to earn it. You have you're this are you're right. I think in retrospect
You're right, but you know, you would think that after the second year you'd be like well, he's you still had training wills on
Okay, except that once you wouldn't you kind of um
Like understand where aries is coming from because you feel as though younger comics really need to earn their shit these days.
And you feel a lot of resentment when you see younger people sort of just make their way to certain things.
And you're like, she said that.
I didn't know that.
You feel very...
I didn't feel you felt that way.
Fuck you.
I don't know what you're doing.
I don't know what size you're on.
You're a Sith Lord.
Where's that?
You're a Sith Lord.
You're fucking Maumau, whatever the fucking name is, man. You're a Sith Lord. You're not. You're a Sith Lord. You're fucking momo, whatever the fucking name is man.
This is the Sith Lord fucking side man.
You're momo, the Sith Lord.
I tried to defend you and say you were just lexic.
I said you were just lexic.
I'm not.
I'm not.
Right?
But pitching behind Bobby right there,
he would be laying like that in the dress room
on lunch breaks.
Yeah.
I have to hate.
Why?
Because I'm weird.
I don't do it anymore.
Dude, since then, I've been on network shows,
all movies, this is that.
You've been doing your thing?
And I don't act like that anymore
because I realize it's not a good thing.
So we caught you at your worst.
Yeah, you saw, you know, it's like, what catapillar?
If you saw a retarded cat, like I say,
I mean, a deformed catapillar, right?
Sorry, I don't know.
Put it out there now. It's already out of town. I mean you know the four caterpillar right Sorry, I don't know how to tell if a caterpillar has you know
I mean the little sounds but right anyway if you see like a weird caterpillar right
Sometimes that caterpillar blossoms into something else
You know and not so you know me our word fucking butterfly
Well, let's move on for 19 are you garbage podcasts? Have you done math?
Wait, I have a question for you.
We are.
Um, just because I was like a massive fan girl of this show,
is it true that you went to either audition or be part of Dawson's Creek?
Oh, yeah, what's that sound?
Oh, tell me, tell me.
Man, that's a real positive spin on the real story.
You're a Dawson's Creek Holy Shit.
Oh, it was either you or James Vanderbake.
I am.
It came down to the wire, guys.
That's not like that's whispered down the lane.
I waited on James Vanderbake once and ate the rest of his hammer.
I believe that's the story in variety, probably.
Oh, man.
No, I went to, I flunked at a college in 1995,
and the last thing I did in college was,
I had a theater class,
and the guy that taught it was really cool and liked me.
And he said, you know, when this unravels,
which I can tell that it is,
there's a Repertory Theater in the area
that you should audition to see
if you can go study there.
And I did, and my roommate at the time
went to Chapel Hill, and he's like,
man, there's a real scene down there
in Womit to North Carolina.
So we're filming Dawson's Creek down there.
So instead of moving to New York or LA
after graduating, or after-
He moved the fucking North Carolina.
He moved to North Carolina. He moved the fucking North Carolina.
He moved to North Carolina.
He made it in show business.
You have one show.
If they say no.
I didn't and also I didn't know that I didn't understand
the process that just because they filmed
in North Carolina doesn't mean they cast it.
He was just gonna show up and like knock on the door.
Yeah, I'm up here.
Yeah, I'm here guys.
I look came of that.
Nothing. and a eight
month addiction to crack cocaine and planting palm trees on the beach in the what burning north
carolina yeah yeah yeah you just want to crack yeah what yeah that's like the opposite of
shit you know what to do i think because i did any actors struggling that that's like the opposite of what to do, I think. Because I, any actors, struggling,
but don't do that.
I did, obviously, I did blow and down there,
that's what they did.
I mean, you know, there was like a version of free basing
or make, look, I cracked them, eh?
Yeah. You know what I mean?
Yeah, yeah. It was crack.
Does that feel good?
Oh, it's awesome.
Yeah, yeah, it's alright.
I could have cracked.
I never did crack, really.
No, it is meth. Meth, yeah. Have you done crack? What? Oh, it's awesome. Yeah, it's alright. I could have been cracked. I never did crack, really.
No, it is meth.
Meth, yeah.
Have you done crack?
What?
No, that's not.
Don't butt.
You should have had a p.a.
A caviar, didn't you?
When you slowly turn to care.
Now you, nose pimple.
Have you ever done crack?
I used L.A. types.
I tell you.
I'm sorry.
You don't like movies or crack.
It's true, my mom says about you guys.
I can see you don't like crack things. You don't like movies or crack. It's true, my mom says about you guys. I can see you don't like practical.
You don't like movies and I'm like crack.
I knew something about you.
I knew something about you.
But that's like every week here,
I'm starting to feel like the minority
because everyone has done crack, math, cocaine.
And I've never done any of that.
No, I never. I've never done it.
It likes an IPA, I'll tell you that.
I'm a, I want to call it up. I'll tell you that I What they call it up
You like beer. I yeah, I'll go from a large drinking fat. That's great. That's great. That's great
And you know, that's wild too. Yeah, it's pretty pretty crazy
It's crazy stuff like George ask him if he's done crack every done crack. He's on crack right now
You've never done crack
You smoke cocaine okay, yeah, just spoke cocaine. You smoke cocaine. Yeah, okay.
That's in the family of it.
Yeah, yeah.
Was it in powder form or was it in a rock form?
Yeah.
You did rock?
Yeah.
And then after eight months of doing the planting palm trees,
I just was working as a landscaper and working in the kitchen.
Oh, I thought that was just something that you did.
I was like, I'm going to start planting palm crash. I'm gonna start playing Pony Pong tree stuff.
I'm gonna take that.
I'm gonna eat it.
All right, so you had a job doing that.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
I was living in like a shitty apartment complex
and working at a restaurant,
at a seafood restaurant
and working during the week as a landscaper,
which was brutal.
Wow.
Yeah.
But you still kept your jobs
no, or did the crack get in the way? No, the crack never got in the way. Wow. But you still kept your jobs, no,
or did the crack end the way?
No, the crack never got in the way.
That's crazy to be like a functional crack addict.
What the fuck?
I mean, I wouldn't say I was a cracked addict.
I enjoyed crack cocaine.
I mean, the PR spinners.
It's crazy.
I was experimenting with drugs.
Let's put it that way.
And did you abruptly quit after that?
I mean, what happened?
Yeah, I mean, I realized that what the fuck
are you doing down here?
My brother was just moving to New York
after graduating school.
And he was up there for maybe like a year.
And he's like, get out of there,
come up, you can come up and stay with me.
Oh, then I ended up becoming cocaine addicts in New York.
They have it there too.
Yeah, and then then move to home and start a comedy.
But you guys didn't know each other at this time.
No, we met in Philly.
He was in high school, I think.
Yeah.
Oh, you're much older.
He's 47.
I'm 47.
And how are you?
I was born.
I was born. I was born. I didn't start to account. It's how's 32
395 Ronnie chain you talk many Asian friends you have
Thousand name one name one John show John show is a friend John show is my friend. I'm gonna message him right now
Message him we talk about higher than Kuma John show. Yeah, I was in her
How are you vote text and who responds?
Oh, John Cho. Yeah, I was in her early part.
How about you vote?
How about you vote text and who responds to John first?
Yeah, yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, half per week. All right, but she's still not full.
Oh, Ali Wong.
Ali?
Ali Wong.
Ali Wong's a friend.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, my, my Muslim friend, Ali.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, Ali Wong, Steve Bern, his half.
Ken Jung, I'm making rattle a lot.
Yeah, you're rattle of Koreans. You keep doing lot. Yeah, you're rattlein' off Koreans.
You think a lot of Koreans.
Michelle Yao, congratulations on the Oscar.
Your friends from Michelle Yao?
I did a movie with her.
Then she hate you?
She does.
She hates you, she doesn't.
I don't she hates me, she just probably does,
I'm not in her orbit.
Okay.
And also Jamie Lee Curtis, congratulations.
She's not Asian.
I know, but Jamie Lee.
I did a movie with both of them.
Lee.
They wanna, they wanna, they want to.
Kim, it sounds like you really biased, man.
You either like Koreans or famous people.
You're good.
What about normal Asians?
You don't, because if I name them,
you won't know them.
It's name one.
Frank.
Frank what was last year?
All of them.
That's a lot to know.
Frank the door guy at the comedy store.
Yeah, I don't know his last name
Castillo castillo is my main Asian
You put me in a corner you can make up an a
Castillo yeah, I just I you threw me in a corner. Listen, I know a lot of Asians man
You know, and I know I love I love from the Asian man. Yeah, I you know dad fan
And I love, I love congratulations, man. Yeah, I, you know, dad fan.
That's what you didn't mean.
Did you get dragon kick him in the chest?
No, he kicked me in the face.
Okay, well, you know, friends, you're not friends.
Try to kick me in the face.
He kicked you in the face.
He tried to, when we were younger.
When we were younger.
It doesn't sound like friends.
So, okay, I know, but it's, you know, we know each other.
We Southeast Asian and you guys are,
yeah, yeah.
Doesn't sound good so far.
Wow, he's been super, you know, Bob,
every time I've met up with Bob, you're spoken to him.
He's always been super nice to me.
And I hear these stories about him having fighting,
literally having kung fu fights with him.
I'm like, what happened, man?
Like, yeah, someone tried kicking you in the face.
I've been beat up a lot, but my point is,
is that...
By like half the people on that poster, I think.
But I've, but here's the thing, dude, I'm a survivor.
Yeah, I mean, and I also don't like, I'm a survivor. You know what I mean?
And I also don't like, I don't take shit.
And I'm confrontational.
Really?
I fight for my stage time.
Four, ten.
Gabriel Glacias.
So you do tourbosses?
Lately?
Yeah, so I'll take a fly.
I'll fly private to the location where the bus is
and then the bus picks us up.
Drives us to the few locations that we need to go to and then on the last day,
the plane is waiting for us and then flies us home.
Well, because me and Andrew, I've been doing the tour bus and they told me not to poo.
Oh, that is a number one rule.
So, yeah, if you got to go number two, but I poo.
If you go number two, you got to either got to tell the bus driver to pull over so you can go to
or do a thing called a hot bagging
What's hot bagging?
Hot bagging is when you're on the bus or RV or whatever and there's the toilet and if you got to go number two
You got to get a plastic bag like from the grocery store and you got to basically line the toilet and
Take it with you. Yeah, so you go in the bag and then you tie it like a little potty bag for a dog,
and then take it off the body.
Because four in the morning,
I give Andrew the back, right?
So I was on the side.
I woke up, it's like four in the morning,
we're in Montana, some driving somewhere, right?
And I had the urge.
But it was a 10 second window. There was no, there was no going to the urge. But it was a 10 second window.
There was no, there was no going to the driver.
There was nothing.
I had to make a decision.
And the decision was to poo without the bag.
I get it.
And I did it.
The raw dog, the toilet.
I rocked the raw dog, the toilet.
Yeah.
And it got pregnant.
It got pregnant.
Little tiger belly. Yeah. pregnant. Little Tiger Belly.
Right.
But then I thought, this is going to be fine.
I went back and I could smell it from my, so D were right.
They were right.
You shouldn't do it.
So that is the role, especially when leasing.
And if there's only one toilet, That was for me my biggest flex.
I was having a conversation with Bert Kreischer
and we're having this talking about,
you can't go number two.
I said, I go number two all the time and they're like,
how?
So there's two bathrooms and I own the bus.
So I do what I want.
I go, that's my flex.
As I go, and matter of fact, I refuse to use the gas.
You bought your own bus.
I bought my own bus.
Oh, and my own bus.
And my toilet in the back,
it's not like a regular, like an RV toilet
with a little, you know, the cover that opens.
It's a legit flushing toilet.
There's like an actual, there's plumbing.
Yeah.
So you do it.
Oh yeah.
Do people on the, who's on the floor?
And because it's a real toilet and real plumbing,
you don't smell anything.
Whoa.
Because it's its own separate, you know, tank.
Yeah.
Whereas the one on the front, yeah, that's still RV status.
But the one on the back, that's mine.
So it's like, it's a toilet, shower, sink, and then closet.
If I was on the bus with you, I was on the side.
Oh, nobody would get to use it though.
So if you would have been like, dude,
well, because it's mine.
In the back.
I never said yours, but in an emergency situation,
if I'm in the fucking bus and I wake you up,
I knock on the door, I go, hey, yo, Gabe,
it's a 15-second window of opportunity here.
Can I use your thing?
You would still say no.
I would tell you to just go ahead
and use the one on the front.
What, that's betrayal.
No, no, because you would tell me,
and then I'm like, I gotta make a choice.
Cause I don't know how bad you're gonna bring it.
I don't know if it's just gonna be like a little
little cylinder or if you're gonna bring freaking lava.
I don't know what the level is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
If I tell you the level, but do you really know?
I do know.
Wait, but I know my body, dude.
I thought I did.
I thought I did.
I recently found out.
I don't know me as well as I thought.
If it's a 15 second window,
it's gonna be green apples, blotters.
There's nothing like, if...
What do you know what her fruit?
I don't know.
Onions and apples.
It's something going on with it, man.
If it's an emergency, yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's not gonna be great.
I think you're right.
But I think you would've gone,
just go straight, don't even wake me up.
And then later on, go, by the way, Gabe, sorry.
Oh yeah, that's what I would do.
Yeah.
Are there other people on the bus with you?
And there's two buses.
It shouldn't be this many this time.
At one point, we had five.
Whoa.
And so now it's just the one.
Yeah.
397, logic, manifesting.
Manifestation is a real thing, dude dude like I think about how many is it things
Because I believe it is it is it is it no no no no no no no no no I believe it to I really did I believe it to
He believed it. I believed it okay, but then it's like the things will happen your life that you didn't manifest
Right right so the last you know that's how my mom's things are happening that I didn't manifest
I remember I didn't miss it.
You know, it wasn't a part of my thing, right?
In a positive way?
In a negative way.
I wrote something about manifesting,
but keep going.
Okay.
So whenever like something really bad happens
that I didn't manifest,
I'm like, all manifestation doesn't work,
but usually I think, I believe everything
that I have is through manifestation.
What is there?
Okay, I have just, I'm just going to push back on manifest.
And we're going to have to fight against her.
It just fight me, fight me on this.
Okay.
But basically like I read this because I, I kind of feel similarly where, um, like they're,
I'm like, this happened to me.
I, I swear in my heart, like it's because I thought it, I believed it, and now it's happening, right?
But this is what I read about manifesting.
It says, basically, it's all about privilege, luck, and timing.
Like, it's, by all means, think positively, believe in yourself, follow your dreams, work
hard, because a positive attitude and optimistic outlook will never be a bad choice and will only ever serve you well in your life and your relationships.
But it kind of really is like a false reality to sue us during the
focal times because manifesting things and I want you to think of the family
whose daughter was killed tonight.
Imagine.
Do I know?
Just imagine saying that to them. I want you to think of of people whose family
members have been diagnosed with cancer and tell them they didn't think
positively enough and that's why this is this is happening.
I don't believe in that though. I don't believe that.
Yeah. And so we can't control a huge portion of life.
My friend Robert got a fire gun, I don't even know.
Right here, I don't know.
Bad things can happen to good people, good things happen to bad people.
Life happens.
Life happens.
People can work their whole lives with passion and integrity and still never make it to
where they want to.
I agree.
And it's, so I, there are parts of manifestation that I think are true.
Like if you think positively and you direct your mind
in that direction, clearly it's,
you know, it's, the things are bound to happen for you.
But like.
But it's the same thought of God, right?
Like, you know, if you look at like, you know,
a school shooting for instance, right?
You think to yourself, there's, there's no way
there's a God.
Why would that happen?
There's no lessons to be taught.
You know what I mean? That's a fucking terrible thing, right? But it's like There's no lessons to be taught. You know what I mean?
That's a fucking terrible thing, right?
But it's like, I still believe it in God.
You know what I mean?
I feel it.
It's a feeling, you know what I mean?
And it's like, and I see it working in my life,
you know what I mean?
So it's like, you know, life happens.
I mean, when Christians go, I'm not a Christian,
but they're like, you know what I mean?
Well, you know, there's a reason why that happened.
We don't know the God's mystery. there's a mystery. I don't know those
things. There's a million mysteries in life. I'll never figure out, right? But it's a
feeling. Go ahead, Robert.
What did I want him to defend you? Go, Bobby. Go, Bobby. Go, Bobby. Go, Bobby.
We're in court. Bobby, come on. Okay. That was a weird switch. All right. Anyway,
I'm not disagreeing with the idea of manifestation.
I just think that sometimes I grew up in a third world country and there are certain things
that I've seen.
I'm like, people work hard here.
They do all of the right things.
They are good, pious people who really have this faith in their life that things are
going to get better.
But can I say something?
I'm gonna, the main attorney,
called to offer a second, but let me-
Your main attorney-
The main attorney's gonna say,
but let me just say something before it, right?
Is that like, I know the kind of upbringing you've had, right?
Okay.
Violent, painful.
What you, and like, you guys came to America, right?
Yeah.
And you guys had no money, right?
I got fisted by my family doctor. Okay, you don't have to see the fisted part, right? And you guys brought my family doctor.
Okay, you don't have to see the fisted part, right?
Okay. That's deep. Yeah.
It was deep.
It was really deep.
It went for too to it.
No, I'm kidding.
You kind of loved it.
That's nice. Thanks for that.
But my point is that,
but so you've had a, right,
but can I say something?
When I first met you,
I went, before I even contacted you on Tinder,
we met on Tinder.
Fire.
I went back into your account, right?
And you were always doing sketches,
and you were always doing like,
trying to DJ, you know what I mean?
Whoa, what?
You just, wait, what?
You just sketched comedy and popcorn.
You got some popcorn?
Yeah, you would do some scene with Gardo,
where there was one scene where you're doing with the joke, bro.
Wait, you just got comedy?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I know.
I know.
And I saw another thing where you had bought a like,
I got a bottle like a DJ thing, right?
And you got to cut this out.
I'm not gonna cut it out.
It's a fact, right?
So you always want to do something creative.
I think you were a dreamer.
And go ahead, go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead. Go ahead, go ahead.
Go ahead, go ahead, dreamer.
But to your point, when I was this...
You manifested it, let's go the style.
When I was in the thick of my family dysfunction,
when I was getting my ass beat regularly,
when I was being dittled by uncles
who weren't supposed to dittle me,
I remember just completely dissociating
and there's this area in my city called Fuenteos Menian,
that's where all the billboards were.
And I remember just looking at one,
it was a guest billboard.
And I remember thinking like, I'm gonna be something,
I'm gonna get the fuck out of here, I'm gonna be something,
I'm gonna be something.
So yes, I do believe that, you can't obviously just
manifest things into existence, but you can believe it hard enough that your body just naturally moves in the way to get you. That's what we mean.
Right? But it doesn't happen for everybody.
There's a reason.
There we go, Doc! Go get it! Get it!
So manifestation, what I believe is with persistence, determination, realism, and wanting success more than your next breath,
a person can literally attain anything.
I believe this.
I'm a person who's come from absolutely nothing,
poverty.
My house was a third world country.
That's like what it was like, where I lived.
You know what I mean?
I ain't saying it's that deep, but I'm saying,
like hunger, hunger, no money, nothing, pain,
devastation, nothing.
I had nothing.
We had nothing.
Get her, get her. No, I'm not. I'm not. We had nothing. Get her, get her.
No, I'm not.
I'm not trying to get her.
Dude, why are you getting her so hard right now?
No, no.
What I'm saying is there's another part of this.
So for years, I would always go.
Persistence, determination, realism.
Because I never was like, oh, I want to be a rapper,
y'all, boats and bitches and hos and that like,
I never thought that.
I was like, you know what?
There's this is a very big space.
And Alan Watts said, anything you can be interested in,
you will find others who are.
And I, look how I look, man.
You're right.
No, I'm saying like.
You look cute, we know this fuck.
I'm black, but I look white, I don't fit in,
I like science fiction and anime,
and like all this nerdy shit in hip hop,
and all my come up, everybody just clowned me. I would talk about my anime and like all this nerdy shit in hip hop and all my come up everybody just clowned me
I would talk about my emotions and my feelings and they made fun of it
They made fun of it, but I knew I was like there's a space for this and there are people out there
so the biggest factor there when
Thinking about myself as a brand and and creating something larger than myself the big piece there is realism
So to be realistic in your goals in what you want.
So to be one of the biggest rappers ever, which I am, one of the biggest rappers ever,
I had a goal of how to attain that.
But there's another thing here, and then I want to get on the quote unquote negative aspect
of it.
There's another thing that I then realized only recently in my early thirties that a person needs to be prepared for it. They need to literally be willing
to know and understand because it is a language, success, manifestation, it is a language. And
I could sit here until the viewers and the listeners, all you have to do is have persistence,
determination, realism, and one success more than your next breath. And they could go, okay, and they could understand that,
but to know what that means,
as a successful person to know that you have to put everything
into that and be ready is another thing.
So when it comes to negativity,
I don't think that a little girl dying of cancer
has anything to do with manifestation,
but I do personally, and that's no slight, but I do personally believe that our negative
thoughts also manifest.
And there is a difference between an intrusive thought like, oh shit, I might go bankrupt
or oh fuck, I hope my little baby doesn't fall all the way down the stairs and hurt himself.
There's a difference between those thoughts that are fleeting and we go, that could happen,
but let's not focus on it.
There are people who focus on it.
They focus on being broke.
They focus on the negative aspects of their life
because I was one of those people.
I've done it.
And I've lived in the negativity and just watched it,
consume me and nothing was happening.
And I was blaming everything wrong in my life
on somebody else or because of this,
and if only.
And when I stopped doing that, when I stopped comparing myself to others,
and when I stopped manifesting negative energy,
and I focused on the positive that was in my life,
I saw a complete and utter change.
I think there is a difference between manifesting the lives that we always dreamed of,
i.e. yourself and entertainment, because you're snapping, girl.
Get it. And then a little boy, Dine of, i.e. yourself and entertainment because you're snapping girl. Get it.
Thank you.
And then a little boy, Dine of leukemia. I do think that there's
there's a difference there. And I think some things happen.
And we can't explain them. And very much so like me coming up and making it out
of my situation, I can't explain it. And I don't need to explain it. It is what
it is, whether it's beautiful or whether it's heart wrenching and sucks,
but we gotta keep it pushing.
We arrest our case.
I don't know about that.
No, because I'm not trying to loop with you.
We arrest our case, verdict.
So I just think there's a language.
I think manifestation is real.
390, Daniel Day Kim, Bobby Lee is the sidekick.
You know, I think that, I, I was in LA in the 90s and I didn't see people
that look like me doing it.
And then, you know, I mean, it started opening it up and you, you were one of those guys
where I saw was when it was opening up, right?
You think he looks like you?
You looked on TV and said, that guy looks like me.
I can make it.
What was the thought process?
See what I'm saying though?
This is the attack.
No, it's the attack.
And this is the way you guys do it, right?
This is how you hurt me.
There's fruit.
I never fucking said.
I never fucking said me and Daniel D Kim
are going off with the fucking same shit, man.
All right, obviously I'm the sidekick.
Yeah.
Obviously I'm the neighbor.
Obviously I'm the guy that gets the stuff.
You know what I mean?
Whatever, you know what I mean?
But of course he's the lead, right?
But you don't have to do that right now.
Sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry, sorry.
I just like watching this.
This is fun.
422, Angela White.
Bobby Gens counted.
Anyway, what do you want to do?
Whatever you want, do whatever you want captain
Just get the you need your spokes counted
Yes, that's what you do. I'll do it. You figure out how many spokes are on my bondhole every day right now All right, fuck it
We're gonna count his spokes and all right hang on hang on
Pump pop hold pop Hang on, yes, I think I'm already Remember, pump, pump, hold, pump, hold
You always have tissue stuck in it
Okay hold on, Fred, can you spread it like that?
No, I don't want the tissue, that's a parasite
It's probably because you have ridges, it's getting stuck in the fridge
Oh, yeah, yeah
You can hear your mind moving, you can take care of that
Can you spread wider please Bobby?
Look, face me, face me
You probably get some Botol oh Jesus
Why you have to give me time to point it out much. That's too much to either way, but it's too much to either
I'm really it's good you wipe. That's great. Count it
Is there no where to start counting
He's gonna wanna redo.
You can redo.
Okay, okay.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Bro, why is he in check of toilet?
He's gonna go to clean his butt.
I'm gonna go clean it up on all the way, guys.
Okay.
You can talk to him on the computer.
Did he delete it?
He put it in his pocket.
Oh, he did?
He took it.
Yeah. And pretty sure he took it. He is pretty self, it's for someone that takes his pants off a lot. He is self conscious about put it in his pocket. Oh, he did, he took it. I'm pretty sure he took it.
He is pretty self, it's for someone that takes his pants off a lot.
He is self conscious about the inside of his butt.
Well, the last time Stella Barry was on this show,
the same thing happened.
He had toilet paper stuck in there.
What?
So, baby, why?
I don't know.
I think it's a nostalgia thing because
it's the, what?
We're even like, the day.
Self-disclilal. He does, we have a really nice, we're even like, bidet. He does.
We have a really nice, he has a really nice bidet too.
It's the one that says hello, like when you walk in,
it says goodbye when you walk out.
But what's with the toilet paper then?
I think it's just a hobby.
I couldn't really tell you because he does,
like he sits over the bidet for 30 minutes
and it just blasts water up his butt.
And he just sits there and he just enjoys himself.
Yeah. But he does not there and he just enjoys himself. Yeah.
But he does not like but play like at all.
But I don't know if he actually does but just doesn't want it performed by a partner
because I know to some degree he enjoys the blood pressure.
The pressure, right?
Yeah.
Oh.
Okay. That was a really quick clean.
Let's do a redo.
We do what?
Now that there's no more.
I'm so sorry.
I was just wondering why you don't like baby wipe or use a bidet.
I have those.
I have those.
Yeah, we know.
I know.
Okay, Angela, let me let me quick pro crawl.
Yeah.
Come on quickly.
Oh, shut up for a second.
I love it.
Get in the water.
Because I'll tell you why.
Okay.
Today for some reason or another,
I never thought that I would take a photo of my bunhole.
Oh, that's your first mistake.
Oh.
And to Shay, you're right, it wasn't a mistake.
Right, but you know, your bunhole is a business.
Oh, it is, her bunhole is a business.
Your bunhole is a business.
What is your? You have to, mind's not, mind's in retirement.
Okay.
So it's like it's an old fishing butthole.
Oh yeah.
By the lake, you know what I mean?
He's relaxing.
What I used, yeah.
And you're like catching the fish.
You know what I mean?
You know, relaxing.
So you want to take another photo of my butthole?
Yeah, I'm just cleaning out my...
Yeah, but if I was like, say I retired
and I was gonna hang out with like my old like butthole friends. Like my butthole fucking friends. Yeah, but if I was like, say I retired and I was gonna hang out with like my old like
butthole friends, like my butthole fucking friends.
Yeah.
Even if I was retired, I'd be like,
just for old time saying, I'm gonna make sure, you know,
the buttholes like.
Oh, so when you're 80 years old and-
Just in case, just in case, you just never know.
Oh, so you're in your 80, your butthole's gonna be like,
tissue free.
It's gonna be ready, yeah.
Just in case.
Preparation man.
Yeah. Do you like butthole work? I do like butthole, I do a lot of butthole work. I'm gonna be like tissue free. I'm gonna be ready, yeah. Just in case. Preparation, man.
Do you like butthole work?
I do like butthole, I do a lot of butthole work.
Whoa, that's a bold statement.
That's insane, that's crazy.
It's my butthole's big business.
Oh, corporate, it's corporate.
Does it hurt?
No, if not if you do it right.
What happened to all the good old vagina?
Oh yeah, it's great.
You like that too? I love that. What do you prefer? I prefer veg.
Have you ever had food poisoning while you're doing it?
Wait, didn't you rupture your appendix during a scene? Yeah, no, no.
Why can't we address that?
Am I because of the other room? I have just a transition. It's a transition. Am I, because of the other,
No, I have more room,
because my appendix is gone,
so there's more room for the big dicks to go in.
But I mean, when you're working,
and you let's see you at a burrito.
I know, well, I've got it.
I wouldn't have a burrito.
But I really want to get to the bottom of this,
because I want to do this right for myself.
Go ahead.
Because I'm somebody that hasn't necessarily enjoyed anal,
so I've just avoided it.
But we've had it.
And-
One time.
Yeah, and you didn't love it.
Hate it.
Yeah, he hated it.
I hate it, yeah.
What about it?
Well, I'm just very just traditional.
I, um,
I'm not sure if I,
even I've never watched anal porn.
Okay.
Yeah, it's always been like forbidden.
But you can love the butthole.
You love the butthole, but you don't like anal porn.
No.
Listen, I love trees.
I don't want to fuck it, you know?
Okay.
You know what, that tracks.
I would think about it, you know what I mean?
I love many things I don't want to punish, right?
You know?
So do you like doggie style in the pussy, so then you can look at the butthole?
Is that kind of, do you look at the butthole
when you do doggy?
Which is closer.
I do a quick glance.
Oh, not a spread.
I don't do like a purve like look at it.
Oh, so you don't spread.
Wait, I should know this.
You don't spread.
I don't spread, no.
You're right.
Oh, no, we don't do, we've never done doggy
because our height difference didn't allow us.
No, I've changed my style.
You're just standing now, but like, I'll tell you.
No, no, no.
You know those new office chairs themselves?
What do you mean?
You then said, what do you mean?
I thought maybe you'd wear a platform heel.
No, you know, they have new office chairs where you can like move it up and down, put
the back.
I didn't realize that you could do that with the human.
I can go go down, go to the right, you know what I mean? do that with the human. I. And go go down.
Oh.
To the right, you know what I mean?
I think an opposite.
You can do it.
Right. Before, whatever position the girl ended up being,
even it was super high, I wouldn't adjust it
so I would try to do that.
So you just, whatever it presents itself,
you just.
Right, I didn't like it.
Okay.
But now I realize, oh no, I can, you know, go, hey, can you go down a little bit?
Adjustable.
To the right, lay on your stomach.
This, this and that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But what are we talking bit? Adjustable. To the right, lay on your stomach. This and that. Yeah, yeah.
But what are we talking about?
The butthole?
Yeah, just the proper way to prep.
Oh, yeah, go.
Yeah, I'd be doing solo anal first.
That's what I would focus on.
And I would go super slow, go from one finger to two fingers to three fingers.
And this could be over the course of weeks, depending on your
comfortability and how you're.
Four or five fingers, ten fingers.
I mean, where does it stop?
Yeah, well, we needed to stop it.
I'm trying to find out.
This is my mission, where does it stop?
Yeah.
Really?
404, Berk-Krasher.
One person that never like an Asian accent,
and you're like, you gotta put an Asian accent on this shit
when you say that.
You can't say that about Koreans.
Yeah.
Oh, they're not motherfuckers.
I mean, I went too far,
but what I'm saying is that,
John needs people out of all, okay, let's chill.
They got chill.
But when you look at Japanese people in their society,
it is the most fucking cultured,
hands, like, prim and proper society you've ever been to.
I've only been to the airport in Korea.
I've been to Vietnam.
And that's like they're putting their fingers
inside your mouth.
I mean, they're like, they're like,
oh, it's aggressive.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's aggressive.
In Vietnam?
Traffic in Vietnam?
Oh, yeah, yeah.
Well, I've never been there.
It's like a port.
I think the Philippines, we had the Westpac.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
But Vietnam's a different level, no?
It's similar to Philippines' notoriously horrible
with the perfect.
Yeah, fucking Joe Koi says to me,
uh, Mahalakita.
Mahalakita.
All the time.
What does that mean?
No, I didn't know it, man, I love you.
Yeah.
So I have a Filipino Uber driver.
We're talking about all this,
and we pull up to our boss and I go,
hey, Mahalakita, and he goes,
what the fuck did you just say to me? I hey, Mahalakita. And he goes, what the fuck did you say to me?
I said, Mahalakita.
Mahalakita.
What does it mean?
And he goes, and he goes, you just say I love you?
And I say, I thought that's just my like, hey man, what's up?
Oh, wow, wow.
I just told a fucking Uber driver.
I loved him.
He started laughing so fucking hard.
I was like, Joe Koi says that to me and he goes, yeah, like, you know who Joe Koi is.
I go, well, I'm a comedian.
I'm a face on the side of a fucking bus. I go, I definitely know Joe Koi. And he goes, you don't know Joe Koi. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no are you doing for Liam? I'm a comedian, oh really? Yeah.
You ever heard of Joe Kueh?
I go, yeah, I know, I'm like, you don't know,
I'm FaceTime, I'm like, that's what I did with you
when I was in, I'm hungry.
Yeah.
I FaceTime a guy, because he didn't believe I knew you.
Yeah.
Right, so I go, watch this and you picked up, thank God.
Of course, yeah.
I always pick up a FaceTime, I love a good FaceTime.
Yeah, yeah, FaceTime's a great.
I love a FaceTime where you don't expect a FaceTime,
you're like, oh, they're in a pinch.
They need my face for this.
If you ever wonder what Korean lady,
I'll show you a nice word to say that you're gonna love, right?
What is it?
Boji, machi sa.
Boji machi sa.
Yeah, Boji machi sa.
Boji machi sa.
I'm not gonna tell you what it means, right?
I want you to say it to a Korean lady.
Okay.
They're gonna fall in love with you, bud.
I know a lot of Korean ladies.
I'm big in the Kim Jong-Kyung community.
Good, good, good, good.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We went to Thurstreet.
One of our good friends was a Korean dude.
He was at the premiere, Roy Choi.
I know Roy, we've done our podcast.
Yeah, Roy, Roy's a good guy.
Roy lived down the hall from me, him and his wife,
Gene and Kaylen, their daughter,
and they were staying at the fucking hotel
that we had the premier party at
Randomly and he was like with his daughter and he was like yo burst premier is like next door
Do you want to go and so they came over to the premier and they went out with them all night?
Yeah, it's really crazy. He told me about I'm sure I've said this but I'll say it again
He told me about
The idea of starting Kogi at Thanksgiving. we're at my house having Thanksgiving dinner,
and he said, I want to, I want to,
he was working at Rock Sugar at the time.
He was like, I was thinking about doing a taco truck,
like a fusion taco truck, like Korean barbecue,
kind of like really makes something different.
And I was like, I go, buddy, can't be honest with you.
And he's like, what?
And I was like, that's the dumbest idea
I've ever heard of my fucking life.
And he was like, what? And I was like, you do really dumbest idea I've ever heard my fucking life. And he was like, what?
And I was like,
Did you really do that?
I swear to God, I said a taco truck.
Yeah.
A taco truck.
I go, well, you got a family.
You got to take gas for that.
I swear to God.
I swear to God.
Because my wife, my wife gang was like,
years ago, was like a pizza.
And I thought you should do the pizza.
Well, you guys had a hockey game
and he's like, I just don't have a last name.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, you had to know. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, we're watching the North Stars.
Yeah, blank and I go,
Pock, Pock.
Yeah, it is like, thank you.
I made white chili for Tom Suga and Roy Choi one night.
He did?
Yeah, and it's called for nine cans of chilef.
And I put nine cans of chileff.
And I put nine cans of jalapenos in. And I made a chili so bad that Roy Choi left my apartment.
I said, Roy helped me fix it.
And he looked at me and he backed out of my apartment
and he goes, I can't help you.
And he left and made some dinner.
And then he came back and Tom and I ate it.
Us two fat foxes.
This one, Tom was like 290, 315.
Wow.
And we were like, we'll just have Tyria read tomorrow.
It's not a big deal.
We're just gonna have Tyria read.
Yeah, it's, it's,
what were we talking about Korean people?
Yeah.
We get, yeah.
Steve Burnt called me one time and he was like,
hey, I'm really choice.
Are we just talking about Koreans right now?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Let's talk about Korean.
Let's see how long we can just talk about Korean.
Oh, let's do it.
Okay.
Yeah, yeah.
Steve Burn called me one time and he was like, hey, I met Roy Choi's taco truck.
What does he look like?
And I go, I go, you.
I know, I, you.
He was with Vince Vaughn.
He was at Vince Vaughn.
How do I know this?
I probably told you this no, no, that's not it. I he called me to yeah, yeah
No, he called me to I swear to God. This is how white Steve burn in yes
He called me to he goes you know Roy Troy and I go yeah, and he what does he look like I swear to God?
I sort of got me yeah me too so that same night he was with it and then did he ever run into I said to him
He looks like you but more hip hop.
Yeah.
423 Eli Roth, Bobby almost gets fired.
I remember the first time I met you.
I was so nervous.
Really why?
I didn't have a mustache or anything.
Tell the audience, like explain.
We worked together in a far away place.
Yeah, we got.
Was that good?
Yeah, it's good.
Because I had auditioned and I never met you.
What do you mean?
Because it was COVID, that's right.
It was a...
It was COVID, I never met you.
But can I tell you about what happened at the table read?
Okay.
It truly happened.
Sure.
And it could have been a fucking disaster for me.
Did you die a rear or something? No, no, no. We didn't amount. So this is what I said. I've been listening, it could have been a fucking disaster for me.
Did you die a rear or something? No, no, no.
Who did a mouth?
So this is what I can say to someone.
You're not aware of this, you're not aware of this,
but it would have been a fucking,
I would have been throwing out Hollywood, I think.
This sounds great, how did I miss this?
I never told you.
Why not?
I'm telling you now.
Okay.
All right.
Right. So a week before we did the table read, right? I never told you. Why not? I'm telling you now. Okay. Alright. Alright.
So, a week before we did the Taylor read, right?
Because everyone, you know, there's all these stars
that everyone's around the world.
Because we did it through Zoom.
That's right, we did.
We did, right?
So one of your guys calls me and goes,
yo, the home movie's not casted,
so you're gonna have to read these parts.
Yes, other parts, then the parts I'm gonna write.
So it gave me 20 names.
Yeah, 20, right?
That was my decision.
But so, I was like, well, how'd Bobby do it?
He's great, he can do anything.
I was character.
I know, he loved it.
So all week long, I memorized every line.
Oh no.
Yeah, he's gonna read it.
You know, it's a table read, not a table read.
I know. I know. But I was table read, not a table read, cycle.
I was so nervous, I didn't want to fuck up.
So a hired guy came over all day long.
I did other people's, right?
It was a lot of parts.
So I was the hired guy.
I didn't, that's what you was here.
I had no idea you were supposed to do that.
It gets worse.
No, I feel it.
So one minute before we start, I text the guy and I go, are you sure I'm doing all these
parts?
And he goes, oh no, no, no, you're only doing these two.
But if I hadn't asked Eli, you would have been reading somebody else's thing while you
would have been talking for the same, jumping in.
And at the same time, I said, yeah, yeah, yeah, and it would have been so fucking embarrassing.
That would have been great.
I'm so sad.
It would have been so embarrassing.
So sad that that didn't happen.
Why?
Because everyone would have been like,
is there an issue with Bobby?
Like, I know.
Is he, like, he was cast as this part,
but now he's reading everyone else's thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Why is he doing that?
And then he'll be like this on set.
Like I know he wants extra parts,
but you can't really like play two people
in the same movie.
I know.
That easily seems weird.
It would have been a disaster.
I imagine.
That's so great.
Dude, and this is what I mean.
I know I was a fan of your acting.
I know and I when I met you,
you were, dude, and this is what I meant. But I know I was a fan of your acting. I know, and I went and met you. You were, dude, I remember them, you know,
I went to set and I went to meet you
and you pulled me aside and we had like a 10 minute talk.
And as soon as you opened your mouth, I was like,
okay, I'm good.
You were so like, you know,
you just took all the fears away from me.
No, that's great.
Well, look, everyone always has that little bit of nervousness,
but you cast people for a reason because you trust them.
And you sort of trust your instinct.
And you're like, you don't know, nobody knows.
It's all just like, it's this kind of,
like I said, a faith-based system.
You just think, yeah, this will probably work,
but you just have a sense.
I was like, and I'd seen you in love,
and I'd seen obviously Mad TV.
There's so many things I'd seen you in.
And I was like, I fucking love Bobby Lee.
And weirdly, I wasn't watching or like listening to the podcast.
I only like knew you from acting.
Wow.
From acting stuff.
Wow.
So I was just like, Bobby Lee, you were just one of my favorites.
Oh.
And I was like, we need to write a role for Bobby Lee.
I actually wrote it.
I was like, and they were like, what is this character?
Like, I have this idea for this part. And it's really fun. I was like, and they were like, what is this character like? I have this idea for this part.
And it's really fun. I was like, it should be Bobby Lee.
I think just putting him in this movie in this world
will be so much fun.
So when the strike is resolved and things are done,
we can talk about it more.
And it was, but it was a pleasurable experience.
But you were great to work with Bobby, really.
Thank you. And it was a dreamy experience.
And I just want to say that out loud. I like that. Thank you. I'm not a dreamy experience and I wanna just, I just wanna say that out loud.
You know what I like that?
Yeah, thank you.
I'm not nervous anymore.
I'm not nervous anymore.
I look at you and I'm like, uh, you're like,
you're like, now when you open your mouth,
I think I could even shit in that mouth.
I'm like,
not in 70.
Not nervous at all. I want stage fright. I want to
386 Jim Jeffries
You gotta take a look at it. Yeah, I
Like like then you got Japan, the foods are outstanding.
Ooh.
Yep, listen, Jim, Jim, Jim.
You wanna get on the model?
Get on the model.
We're not making it.
I'm back.
All right, all right, all right.
Just real quick, I think that's all right.
I get it, I get it, all right.
All right, all right.
Is that we know Korean dudes, right?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
That say, that LA has the best Korean food on planet Earth.
Yeah.
Even more so than Korea.
Well, Australia claims that for Thai food.
And how do you believe them?
No, no, the Thai food in Australia is at stake.
But the Thai food in Thailand is also outstanding.
But the argument is it's exactly the same recipe
but we have better produce in Australia.
Ah.
You guys have better coffee for sure?
We're the best coffee in the world.
Yeah, that's bullshit.
It's so true. We're the best coffee in the world. We're the best coffee in the world. Yeah, that's bullshit. It's so true.
We're the best coffee in the world.
We're the best coffee in the world.
We're the best coffee in the world.
We're the best coffee in the world.
I refuse to believe.
I have a Italian friends who say the coffee in Italy
shit in comparison to the coffee.
Is it Australia, it's the coffee culture.
Yeah.
I swear to you, Bobby.
Colombians feel that way.
I swear to you, Bobby, no better coffee
than Australian coffee.
I don't think I'd know the difference.
You would.
No, you don't.
You do.
They open up Starbucks across Australia.
They went, it was about three left.
Wow.
Oh, Australia went, no, no, no, we've got our coffee.
Wow.
Proud Mary.
I did not know that.
But anyway, we got to take you to a Korean restaurant
in Korea, like, free of town.
I mean, free of town.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And I would have to say,
I didn't mind it.
Not a Korean barbecue spot, but just like the real, like, stews and other things. I like Indian to say you'd mind it. Not a Korean barbecue spot,
but just like the real like stews and other things.
I like Indian New Year's food as well.
I do too.
So you're saying,
what do you think the best Asian food is then?
I'm gonna say Thai.
Yeah, I think Thailand's got your beat.
Thailand, anything on the menu I'm obsessed with.
Yeah.
Thailand, I'm just like, it's so good.
And like even like the room service pad Thai, you're like, this is the best fucking'm obsessed with. Yeah. Thailand I'm just like it's so good. And like even like the
room service pad Thai you like this is the best fucking pet. Yeah. And it's room so I'm not
even in a special restaurant they're like oh you gotta go this one. I'm like I'm happy in my room.
So give me a little pot of sugar and a little pot of nuts and a little pot of chili so you can do
the season it's not yeah. Yeah. Bloody good man Really good. So you're saying Thai food is the number?
Thai food, number one.
Okay, number two.
I think Japanese food.
In Japan, it's got more missions than restaurants anyway.
We were talking street food,
but you get a ramen at one of those places in Japan.
Yeah.
We're only do 50 pots a day and there's people lined up
and it's just be like $12 or whatever.
Yeah.
Fucking the best ramen you've ever eaten.
I go, okay, okay, okay, buy that.
I buy it, you convince me.
What's three?
We're not in three.
You can go in the nation.
You can go in the nation, man.
Nasty gory.
Nasty gory.
Like spice.
We don't need a medal, but can we get fourth?
Sure.
Yeah, beat Vietnam.
You can't beat Fod.
Yeah.
You beat Fod, dude.
We beat Fod, dude. We beat Faw, dude!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
401, Sam Burrell, joke.
Backfires.
I had a problem this morning,
and I want to just get your guys advice of that.
Is that okay?
I think I know about it.
What is it?
Oh, okay, it's the person you called
to run the problem by then called me.
Oh, ****. Yeah.
Okay.
That, he's a rat then.
You're not a rat.
That guy's rat, but I love him.
How's he right when you're about to announce everybody
what the problem was?
Cut that his name up.
Okay, so Sam, Sam, check it out.
I'm shooting something today was my first day.
I don't know anybody.
I'm a makeup, right? And you know,
it's one of those trailers where makeup and hair is in the same thing, you know? And the
lady that's playing my girlfriend is in the makeup charm in the hair chair. And she's
Chinese. And the lady that doing her makeup is also Asian. Okay. She goes goes and she has an accent she goes I'm from China
Which is fine. Yeah, right? I didn't know when you say I can't say
Yeah, you you you can't do an Asian accent. I don't think I should know I think you should try it's called acting
It's like an acting actress set up. Oh, no, hey take a rest
Three Asians telling you it's okay. Yeah, this is your one has
Yes, Sam. Do the Asian accent.
Yeah, it is.
We were supposed to say the G-Burnt.
You don't do this.
I'm doing it.
Yeah.
I've been carried away there.
The boy is not that much power.
All right.
So anyway, she goes, I'm from China.
I go, I love China.
That's what you said, right?
Yeah, I said, I love China.
And then I say, you know what China's known for?
TikTok and COVID. And then I say, you know what China's known for? TikTok and COVID.
And then I feel the just the energy drift from the room.
Bad joke.
No chuckle?
Not only a chuckle, it felt like I was getting canceled.
Wow.
So then my girlfriend doesn't say any of the girl that playing
me, the Chinese, like she just leaves.
And she did face.
Oh, wow. And then did face. Oh wow.
And then the makeup artist,
this taller Asian lady goes,
that was really good.
I go, what, what, I don't,
because I didn't know even know what I said.
Got to feel like every other thing I say
is like the weirdest thing they've ever heard.
But he didn't know he, you just told us.
You just told us.
You know what I didn't know what she,
they were angry,
oh yeah, you're right.
All right, all right, all right, all right.
So I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go in the morning, it was six in the morning. You know, you're a comic at six in the morning. They're not their normal self.
Anyway, she goes, that was rude.
I go, why?
She's like, I mean, it's like we're getting attacked.
Oh yeah.
You know what I mean, because of it.
And how dare you say that?
And we got in a fight.
Oh my.
So then I had to go.
Well, when she stood up for herself.
Oh, fuck it.
Wait, did you defend yourself?
Or you were like, oh, I got it.
No, I go, you know what?
I'm, cause you know, I've been in trouble, right?
For my mouth.
Yeah.
So I go, you know, I'm gonna play this different.
Like, you know what, I heard what you said.
And you know, when I get you, man,
I see it from your point of view.
And you know what I mean, I should have said it.
And I really apologize.
And you hear, just telling everyone
you didn't mean the uro apology.
You're gonna hear this.
No, I didn't mean it.
Just because I was doing this.
You're looking at you smirking your face.
No, let me do it again.
Comedians can't since.
I know, I know.
This is unacceptable.
It's not acceptable, thank you Sam.
Thank you Sam.
And then I had to go to her.
She was sitting on set.
And I was just leaning against the wall
because she was doing something on her phone.
And I was trying to like find the right window.
And I, you know, COVID, I'm sorry.
And she's like, you know why?
It's fine.
And then I was at, but...
That'd be great if you gave her COVID.
And then, I then made a TikTok about it.
Yeah.
I want it, I think it's... Let me ask want it, I think it's just Korean Chinese beefing.
I don't think that's what you,
I don't think it's an Asian thing.
Like I think you guys are just,
I think about,
You should have that beef is delicious though.
Yeah, but if white dude said it,
you get in trouble, right?
I don't think they would like it out of my mind.
No, they would complain. I don't think they would like it out of my mind. No, you think they would complain?
I don't, my jokes are really well structured
and thought-free, I don't have this problem,
but I totally understand.
I don't know, I don't know.
Yeah, I know, I know.
But I don't think about it.
I admire your balls for just going for it.
But I wasn't even throwing it, it's not like it's gonna hit.
I just said it, I got, you know,
what China's was, you have been taking COVID. I just threw it. I got, you know, what China's worst for you.
You have a TikTok and COVID.
I just threw it out there, you know what I mean?
And then once I said COVID,
I could just feel the room change.
It's a bad joke, I know.
No, it's not even a bad joke.
It's not funny.
It's not a, yeah.
It's not even funny, I know.
You were being silly.
I think it's fucked up to get
actually bothered by that.
That's all I wanted here.
Yeah. It's a little weird to make a stink of that. That's all I wanted here.
It's a little weird to make a stink of it.
They know that you're a comedian, right?
Bingo.
Thank you so much.
That's why I love you so much, man.
No, you're kidding.
So I got an ally.
By the way, I like that an ally is now a guy
who supports racist.
Slam is an ally.
I'm like, I do support ignorance
and really dumb fatchits,
stupid jokes.
Yes, I am.
All right, but you know, but as a comic,
you'll always come to my side and I really appreciate that.
I just, yeah, I mean, who gets actually offended?
Exactly.
And also, it's like we're doing a movie, it's a show bit.
Because like, good morning, what's your name?
I didn't say like, hey, Chinese people created fucking COVID.
I just opened with that.
Yeah. I said, good morning, nice COVID. I just opened with that. Yeah.
I said, good morning, nice to work with you and all.
That's talking.
What about you, Gilbert?
You know what?
Thank you.
If I was standing in that room, I'm probably laughing.
Yeah.
That's why you're my boy dog.
But then I'm gonna be like, hey, I think you're gonna get fired
from this job.
Exactly.
You say something.
Wow.
Because there's like a Disney kids movie, you're out.
You just like, you know who started COVID.
Yeah.
So this is a short, right?
So there's no HR or anything.
So you're good.
Yeah, Jason.
Oh, if it's a short, you're allowed to do that.
Well, Bob, if Bob is in it, it's definitely a short.
It's gonna fucking Napoleon fucking.
Why?
You guys call back.
You fucking fucking.
No.
427. Ralph Barbosa.
You got a girlfriend Ernie?
No.
Are you good in that department?
No.
How much are Ernie?
I don't think so.
What do you mean?
Oh yeah, yeah.
What do you mean?
What do you mean you're not good in the department?
It's hard.
No, dude.
You got to change your mindset.
What's your approach when you got you taught to girls?
What do you say?
I do comedy. That you say? Do comedy.
But you know what that works.
You know, Ralph?
Yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Oh, okay.
Oh, so you get shy.
No, Bobby, Bobby.
But you play a girl to club.
Yeah.
You're going to open my girl and then I want you to approach Bobby.
And ask like the name, all that stuff.
And you know what I see in the one, can I say it?
That's what I wanted to say.
The one just talked with Andrew.
What?
The one that podcasted.
What's it called?
Uh, Andrew and Bobby.
You know, no podcast. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, stop, stop. What's the guy's name? Andrew. Oh, Andrew, what?
Centino.
There you go.
Good question, Mark.
No one on the idea would like to.
Yeah, you think it's called Andrew and Bobby.
You think that's what it's called?
No, it's because I see it clips on TikTok.
Right, but you never watch it.
I watch clips on TikTok.
Okay, okay, okay.
I'm not watching the fool.
Yeah, okay, okay.
Yeah, it's called Bad Friends.
Okay.
Okay.
I'll follow that.
It's like you went up to slash and bono and go you know the band with slash and bono all you two
Wait slash is in you oh yeah, not slash
So I'm the girl I'm a girl right now. I'm just at a club
You're dancing I knew like dig chicks So I'm the girl. I'm a girl, right? I'm just at a club. She's cute.
You're dancing.
I'm kidding.
I knew I like dig chicks.
What?
He likes dig chicks.
All right, let me say something about that joke, okay?
You didn't commit to it.
Yeah.
You didn't scare it, right?
So do it again, that line.
He's doing the thing.
All right, and be more confident about it,
because first of all, that hurt, you just hurt me, right Right and it made me fucking angry, but what made me more angry is that you didn't commit to it, right?
I like some thick chicks
Works better. How you doing?
Hey, what's your name? It's hi, I'm a people call me Ernie. What's your name?
What's your name? It's Jaime, but people call me Ernie.
What's your name?
Okay, Bobby.
I would just respond to that, Bobby.
He just said, I have a name.
My name is Samantha, but people call me No.
Oh, maybe I can change.
Bye.
I'm a fight.
I'm a fight.
I'm a fight.
No, I'm sorry.
My name is Samantha.
So what do you do?
I do a little photography.
I do a little comedy.
It's pretty much it right now.
What do you do?
I do a little photography.
I do a little comedy.
It's pretty much it right now. What do you do? I do a little photography, I do a little comedy.
That's pretty much it right now.
What do you do?
I just right now, I work at a restaurant, but also,
you know, I do work at it.
Good, good, good.
The question.
Yeah, I work at, I run this at you.
I know, but, oh, it's good, I run this at you. Oh, shit.
Oh, shit.
What do you work at?
I don't let me just get it out.
Let me just do it.
And I get it out.
I work at, you know, there's a new guy.
Boy, we're in a way.
He's power driving right now.
He's power driving.
The first question.
So, you know, I work at a restaurant next to the home depot.
I'm, oh, go ahead.
I'm bad.
Yeah, my bad.
Can I just finish what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, go ahead, my bad. Yeah, my bad.
Can I just finish what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Go ahead, little man.
I feel like you're nervous or whatever, but anyway,
I'm not nervous, my.
Yeah.
What do you do to comedy?
I do a little 10 minutes.
I open for Ralph.
You ever heard of where?
Oh, where do you do your comedy?
I do whatever.
I go with Ralph.
You ever heard of him?
Who's Ralph?
He has an Netflix special.
You ever heard of him?
Yeah, I don't know.
Let's just check him out.
What's his last name?
Barbosa.
Barbosa, cool.
Yeah.
I do, I open for him.
I do a little five, ten minutes.
Yeah, that's great.
Yeah.
Oh, yeah, what are you working at?
You never told me.
I work at a restaurant next to the home.
People I just said that.
It's called.
Who are?
Home Depot? No. It's a restaurant next to the hotel. I just said that. It's called the Where? Home Depot.
No.
It's a restaurant next to the hotel.
Oh, fuck it after this.
I hope you know that this is not him,
like, Comedie Tulk.
I know, I know.
This is getting, I don't know.
It's 100% what a conversation is.
I know, I know.
I know.
So anyway, do you work out here and there?
Yeah, where?
At the hotels.
When I can. What do you mean? What do you mean the hotel? Oh, what you I'm on tour and you want to come
No, I gotta go where
No, I gotta go. Where? We going?
It's creepy.
It's creepy.
I'm going outside. I walk out with you.
Okay, share Instagram.
What's my Instagram?
Yeah, let me have one.
I don't do social media. How old are you?
Why?
People might have Instagrams, why don't you?
Ooh, yeah. Yeah, but that I scare you a little bit
That's what you say to girl. That's your vibe. That's your the bug. We're out of the thing now. Do the bug do the bug
Yeah, oh, I'll be barking on girls. Oh, hold on. So let me I heard you bark. Yeah, you won't hear it. I guess
Yeah, you want here? I guess. Oh, oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh.
Oh. Oh. Oh. Bark. Rough. Okay, you bark.
Arf.
Ha ha ha.
Yeah, that's good.
You have the best bark, dude.
Yeah, it's a good bark.
425 Whitney Cummings.
Single life.
You know, I was worried about that too.
I'm like, I'm seeing somebody, you know,
and she had a baby.
Which I was great.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it got all the back.
It's like great.
All goes back. I can't feel anything when I'm down there, but it is great. Yeah, yeah, no, it's all the best. It's great.
All goes back.
I can't feel anything when I'm down there, but it's great.
I can't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no And I feel guilty about it. I feel guilty about it. Sorry. Are we?
Do you feel like you're in a little bit
of like a rum spring out right now?
Do you feel like you're kind of like came out
of a relationship dating someone new
and you're kind of just like.
Yeah, I think so.
I don't know what that's for me.
I think you might have too many options
and too much success.
No, you know what?
I'll tell you this.
You know what you realize is this,
that it's not that big of a deal.
Being successful?
No, getting laid and so. Mm-hmm. It's like, you know what you realize is this, that it's not that big of a deal. Things successful? No, getting late and stuff.
It's like, you know, you do it for a while
like in the beginning when we got,
you know, we're together for 10 years.
I was like, they go, go under the free world, be wild, right?
And I was out there, right, right, right, right, right,
and then I'll point what,
and I'm like, that's fierce, I was like,
I'm like,
I'm like,
I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, give me, give me, give me, give me, give me. And then what happened was after the time you're like,
oh, you pulled the spurs down, you go,
I'll go back and play video games.
Yeah.
It's not that big of a deal.
I think we do well in relationships.
I'm a relationship guy.
Yeah, I'm sorry.
I know, I know.
I mean, you're a relationship person too, I think.
I think it's good for us.
I think it's like we're kind of like,
left our own devices, maybe just to have too many
temptations or opportunities.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what my new kink is?
Getting married.
You wanna do it?
I'm into it.
I want like to be a wife.
I wanna like be someone's wife and like,
keep the house and handle shit.
This just come up when you got pregnant.
Interesting.
I always knew, I'm gonna get pregnant at 40.
Always knew that.
We talked about that on Trash Tuesday.
And I think now that I've accomplished most
of my goals professionally, it's not gonna feel like,
I'm just, I have to be someone's wife
so that, because I just, it's an active choice.
Can I propose an idea?
Kind of like a kink proposed to me, yes. No, I'm not gonna propose you, I'm not gonna propose you, but if I was your husband someone's wife, so that, because the man, like, I just, it's an active choice. Can I propose an idea? Kind of like a kink proposed to me, yes.
No, I'm not gonna propose you.
I'm not gonna propose you, but if I was your husband
and I go, and you said yes, would you go with this idea?
Uh-huh.
We sleep in two different bedrooms.
I've never slept in a bed with a man for 12 years now.
Really?
Can't do it.
I got a California, I'm sorry, I got a Wyoming kink bed.
Yeah, yeah.
California plus a twin.
Yeah.
Still too hard.
It's just, I can't sleep in the same bed with somebody.
Dude, what is it though?
Is it just that either they're moving or they're like...
A couple things.
Number one, I just think it makes everything less sexy a little bit.
If you have the ability to sleep in separate rooms, I've got, I like to sleep with the dogs,
I get up in the middle of the night sometimes.
I don't want to feel like I'm waking you up.
Our hours are a little bit crazy.
It's exactly what I'm talking about. Yeah, I think to me, that's like I'm waking you up. Our hours are a little bit crazy. It's exactly what I'm talking about.
Yeah, I think to me that's like I'm doing this because I love you.
Sometimes I'll like sneak into your bed and like fuck you in the middle of the night
if you don't have to get up early.
But like most people get up at 6.
If I go to bed at...
Sarah Highland when I dated her.
I told you to the other room we used to think used to park us.
Yeah.
I got our bed, I go sleep in there and for like two months into it she's like, I can't do this.
It's just too precious, it's sleep is just too precious.
But why are you like that, and a lot of women aren't?
I grew up in an alcoholic home and was most...
No, but that makes sense to me.
Yeah.
Not especially if you have opposite schedules.
Like, I wish we had done that sooner.
I don't wanna feel shame for having to get up
and pee five times before bed.
Sometimes I get up and I put in on my shit.
Like, I just don't wanna feel like I'm keeping
something up.
Yeah, walking on eggshells. Cause sometimes I'll just lie there and be like, I'm gonna wake him up if I get up. I don't wanna my shit, like I just don't want to feel like I'm keeping stuff like up, walking on eggshells.
Because sometimes I'll just lie there and be like,
I'm gonna wake him up if I get up.
I don't want to roll over, like what do I find out?
I mean, or holding our fart, like how long do I have to hold the fart in?
No, I'm gonna do that.
You have your own problem.
You know in the beginning though,
I've been, I've been-
I'm a fart holder too.
I've slept with a couple of girls, you know, recently.
Yeah.
Over night.
Uh, holding fart, all that.
Oh god, there were- You didn't burst your bubble though. And then I had to, the worst your bubble, though.
And then I have to do my hands and slowly do this.
And see slowly sleep.
Now can I brush your bubble when you're deep asleep, Bobby?
You fart all night.
Long.
The fart towel.
Sebastian.
Yeah, yeah.
But it's I think it's still sexy and fun to be like, okay, it's Saturday night. Like if you've had an edible or whatever and we can like sleep in
the same bed or just like fall asleep together and then I'll sneak into the other room.
Yeah, I'm not like a psycho about it, but I cool. How are it? Howard and Beth Stern, they
say the secret to their relationship, which is now 20 years is separate bathrooms. I mean,
it's separate, like they sleep together but separate bathrooms. That's what I want. Separate bathrooms for sure is a huge thing.
Yeah, okay, here's everyone listening.
This is what I want, my dream situation.
Oh, pitch it.
Put it out there.
Okay, two different bedrooms, okay.
Okay, okay.
You don't say shit ever about how long
I'm playing video games.
What's your big video game right now?
What's your video game?
Starfield.
Okay, nice.
Not nothing, like don't walk into the room and shake your head.
Right, don't pow.
No, I'm in the video games.
Good, be cool about it.
If I even play for three days without eating, right?
No, it doesn't, okay.
Can I tell you what you thought?
What if you die?
I die then, I die.
Can I die, I die. Can I tell you, yeah. Fine. Can I tell you what if you die? I die then I die can I I die I die can I tell you?
Fine, can I tell you something about the video game got like younger guys playing video games? Yeah
They are obsessed with like honor and rescuing the woman. Yeah, I am in the video game guys. Yeah
That's that's not apply. Okay
I play farming
Yeah, farming simulation I
I cloud what you should want you would you ever have an actual farm
with chickens?
See, would you actually want to fight a dragon?
No.
What is it?
I know what video you want.
That would be amazing.
What are you talking about?
My point is, so that's one.
Sleep on September, never complain about my video games.
Okay.
And also, you think sometimes though you do use video games
to check out and avoid a relationship.
100% okay just between.
I can see myself doing that.
I mean, I know, I know what everyone.
And the third thing is I'm just in the market for a new addiction.
I'm wondering is it is good.
I mean, I'm aware of what it is.
I know what it is. It's like a secondary addiction.
Yeah.
It's escaping.
It gives me dopamine hits.
Did you ever do Dungeons and Dragons?
It's a younger person, yeah, it's a kid.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, but not, no, because, you know,
I don't have that much of an imagination.
You have to make up the story.
You have to make up in your mind and visualize and stuff.
I'm not more like, what's wrong?
Are you being gambling?
I was thinking maybe just don't live together
might be the perfect scenario for you.
No.
Live close?
No. And like a calm down, but it's like selling you around. Okay.. And like a compound. I want to style you around.
Okay.
You know what I mean?
I want to still see you.
I want to eat dinner with you.
Yeah, yeah.
You know what I mean?
But it's like, what's the third thing?
Well, I like the idea of me.
It's interdependent instead of codependent.
Being able to be independent with people to me,
that is intimacy.
I'm just going to be playing video games for seven hours.
And like if there's something urgent,
or I just think the key is sometimes going like,
hey, these next couple days,
I'm probably just going to check out a little bit
if that's okay.
But that only works if her love language
isn't shared experiences.
Because that's a hard thing for you to do.
Like to actually share it.
Well, what does shared experience mean?
Like maybe it's something she enjoys
and you don't necessarily enjoy,
but you commit to it anyway. But with 18 hours a day of video games and you don't necessarily, you know, enjoy, but you, you know, commit to it anyway.
But with 18 hours a day of video games, I understand, right?
You know, like, but yeah, no, I think that we are not great at fun stuff like that.
But we're also the people that, when you do take us to fun stuff, we're like, I mean,
what's the big, we have to like, roast everything and make fun of everything.
So I'm sort of like, why don't you just go with your friends?
Because if I go, I would, I just wanna go.
We're so like, mind you.
I love you so much.
That is so true.
That's something I learned very quickly
when trying to do shared experiences with him
is that he would almost make it worse.
Yeah.
Like the whole time you which is bitching.
That's our thing.
And at some point,
like I would blow up and be like,
why the fuck are you even here?
And so I learn then that I would go out with my friends.
But you have to understand, by me being there,
is a miracle.
Straight from having baby.
I can't even believe my audience in the mountain.
Or whatever it might be.
I would get super emo.
I'd be like, we need to be making memory.
Oh, remember what that would be?
Like, somebody didn't see, hasn't seen snow.
I forgot what it was.
Tools, right?
So we're out, yeah, we're out in Big Bear watching snow.
Yes, you've never seen snow.
I know, but imagine me driving to the mountain to see fucking snow.
I've seen the movies, lady.
And the big pairs where you go to realize that.
I don't know what movie I snow, but that's what I know.
The Revenant, I've seen the Revenant.
Yeah.
You have snow in that movie.
Like, I don't need it, but I grow all the way in the mountain.
Yeah, yeah.
See fucking so and she doesn't think
She's normal that I'm no that's a miracle for me. That's me trying so hard
But change some tires. I was really also we're competing with snow. We're entertainers
We're kind of like we're kind of like we're like no you come see us. I fuck weather
Like you know, I look at snow the way I look at like a
Comedian I'm competitive Fuck weather, dude. I look at snow the way I look at a comedian,
I'm competitive way.
I don't know.
You're gonna go see stars, so.
What do you mean you're doing to the beach?
I haven't shown a night.
Do you and I, we're gonna go to the beach.
I love you so much.
No, I think for me, I think we're just the kind of people
we just have a low tolerance for discomfort.
We go to the beach, I'm like, I got it.
I got it, I got it.
I get it.
I don't need to say, I'll go to the food festival.
I get one hot dog.
I'm like, I got it.
But you know, it's so funny.
I'm so glad you came today.
Because you're always welcome.
I love you so much.
My point is, is that you and I, you just kind of validated for me who I am.
Because sometimes I look at my behavior and I go, you know, go, what's wrong with you?
But then if I realize there are people like you and Andrew reminds me of that too,
sent you know, in different ways.
And I just, I do wanna say like,
it's not like we're not,
we want the person we're with to be having fun
and we wanna do fun things.
I just, when I'm doing something that's supposed to be fun,
I feel pressure, like I'm not,
I need to perform having fun.
Well, and you know what I mean?
And I feel-
But is that annoying though that we have to be like that?
Like I don't get massages,
because I'm like, I don't know how to convey to this person
that I'm like having a great,
I don't want them to feel like they're failing or something.
Oh yeah, I think that's so,
you're hitting it right.
I can't get massages,
because I'm like, they're like,
is it good?
I'm like, no, it's great.
It's like what I have.
But really it is.
I'm receiving gifts because I,
dude, you would have a soul like,
that's the meanest thing you could say
We are 412 mark Norman wearing tear so I met a girl. Oh, somewhere in the country. Yeah somewhere in the country Yeah, put that down just don't put the right right and I was erect
Yeah, I erect I was I racked right yeah, but it was daylight daylight. Oh problem. Yeah, right because I have the three colored
Oh, right so I had to go yeah, it's try colored. Yeah, I know
But I just thought that she would but I had that brown ring
I go and I try to make a like a lower the ring. She's like I don't never saw the movie whatever
It's like this dark ring and I showed her and she didn't seem to care
But it's like I don't know why I just had to do it. Oh, no, I feel the same way about broad daylight like first time sex
I don't I'm pretty try colored there too
It's one color my color. Yeah, it's shit
So aggressive. Oh, it's a beautiful color, she said, it's so aggressive.
Oh, it's a beautiful color.
It's a beautiful dark purple.
It's not a dark purple, it's just one.
It's a different shade.
It's a different shade.
Yeah.
Is it like a mood ring?
Does it change color with how you feel?
Yeah, it's similar to a nipple, I think,
depending on how much blood flow is there.
All right.
Yeah, but I've never looked at a woman's vagina
and go, I don't like that color.
I have. You have. Yeah, but it's like, I've never looked at a woman's vagina and go, I don't like that color. I have.
You have.
Oh, black.
Oh, black.
Yeah.
Desk and love my African-American princesses.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I've never like went, oh, that's not, you know,
a favorable color.
Right.
Well, you know, I think you'd rather pink than like a dirty brown. Really?
Let that sink in, guys.
Let that sink in.
Well, just somewhere in there down there.
But that has to do with color, so let's just let that sink in.
All right, I've seen some leather.
All right.
Oh, I see.
Rose Beef Tips.
There you go.
Yeah, I don't like it when it's burnt and like Rose Beef Tips.
Yes, that's what he tried to say.
Exactly. And that of me, that has nothing like roast beef tips. Yes. Yeah, that's what that's what he tried to say exactly
Anatomy that has nothing to do with wear and tear. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, we don't know. We're not scientists
I've never seen a baby with the wear and tear
I used to babysit
I can show you the photos of all
Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay got them you know takes his pants that you go where Oh, you think it's small. Wow, I've seen it
So when you saw you go that's a small one. Yeah
I'll give you wow
No, no, no, well tell them about tell them is it a grower? Oh, really?
Yeah, I was pretty worried when I saw it soft the first time as well,
but then he grew like pretty to average.
Oh, all right, great.
Yeah, well what did she think?
She liked it.
Okay, perfect.
That's all you need.
Yeah, yeah.
I mean, I mean, she could be a good liar too.
I don't know.
True.
She went, it's good.
Yeah, she loved, she loved, she loved her face.
She loved her face. Yeah, that was like, you know what I mean? Yeah. I love when it's always loves, she loves, she loves your face. She loves your face.
Yeah, that was like a, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I love when it's always guys, I got no complaints,
never got any complaints.
I'm like, what woman's gonna be like,
I wanna make a complaint.
That's not gonna happen.
It's gonna be nice.
Talk to their friends, they know.
They know.
Right, right.
They're very, they know how that works.
Oh yeah.
Tell your friends, yeah.
Of course.
So all your friends know what my dick looks like? Like every single inch of it.
Your mom?
Yeah, topography every.
Your mom.
Yeah.
Hold on, no, no, wait a second.
My mom knows because she would find pictures of you with...
Okay, okay.
Make it picture with girls, like in the house.
Because my mom would clean, well still cleans his house.
She's Filipino.
Yeah.
Her blood.
And he would, she would always just unearth these old pictures of Bobby with his previous,
you know, girlies of the night.
Do you live, leave the photos out?
No, they're in drawers and stuff.
I see.
Yeah, they're in cabinets and drawers.
She always comes out, she's like, darling, where do you want me to put this?
Oh, yeah.
I was like, I'll just put it in a box, mom.
You've seen them?
I've seen them.
Yeah. Yeah. All right. Not put it in a box, mom. You've seen them? I've seen them. Can I see them? Yeah, all right.
Not now.
Right.
421, Adam Ray.
Adam owes Bobby 50K.
And I've told this story many times,
but last, by the way, let's talk about the positives
before we steer it.
Let's go negative.
Negative first.
I wanna go negative first, yeah.
And there's a story that I told,
and I think, you know, because you know,
I lie and exaggerate.
And sometimes I don't know what the truth is.
So it's like, there's a story between you and I told,
but I don't know if it's true.
Yeah.
So I would like you to tell it.
Please.
The Fort Lauderdale.
Yeah.
Gambling.
Yeah.
So tell.
So I think this was 20, I must say 2011, maybe 2010.
Wow.
Wow.
So 13.
Yeah, I was about three, four years in Wow. Wow. So 13?
Yeah, I was about three, four years in the standup.
Yeah.
Bobby saw me at the comedy store and goes,
wow man, you're, I don't want to miss coach, you'd be like,
you're the funniest white Jew boy I've ever seen.
Okay.
No, you're the, for a Jew book, for a Jew book,
fuck, you're like that.
You've got Nubby Stup, no.
Something about, I've been inspired by this.
But a story maybe.
Yeah.
And so we went on the road and having a blast going to Marjano's like we always the love Marjano
Well, we what we used to get. Oh, man me Paul the mushroom. How is the mushroom soup the mushroom? No, no, no
No, the little mushrooms with the little filling stuffing in the oh the mushroom stuff stuff mushrooms. Yeah
Yeah, you like that. What's wrong? Oh nothing. I'm listening. No you did something what did I do?
Sorry, I was looking that was insane. I was looking for candy
No, no candy there. No, I was the donuts are coming, but I found my candy
You give it to don't do this during the thing where you want
Out of my brew I saw
Like I guess it makes guests feel like they're not
the story.
I feel like I'm pretty secure, but yes, what?
You know, here, can I explain myself?
You said meatballs.
After I show you what.
And then my hunger started to kind of...
She started, that was your meatball look?
That was my meatball look.
I was like, oh my god, I'm hungry, where are my norms?
What are those, norms?
Yeah.
I love norms.
Noms are the best.
No, I know.
I know.
I know you have norms. You've never had norms. Noms are the best. It's better being at. know. Noms, Mipal on a packet. You've never had noms?
Noms are the best.
It's better being at.
What kind?
Do they have the ones with the squirt?
It's not an ad.
This is just, we just love them.
Filipino meatballs?
No, these are not.
Why?
I've never had somebody that even tried.
Oh my, these are the best.
Oh my god.
They're gummy bears.
No, but they're meatballs.
They're things that they put on there.
What is that stuff that they put on there?
Well, they're covered in Lee Hing and Lemat's wheel.
Lee Hing, which I think I went to high school with both those kids.
Yeah, yeah.
Was it she in the street fighter?
By the way, I did go to high school
with a Vietnamese girl named Beech Ho.
Yeah, yeah.
B-E-L-H-H-H-O.
And everybody was like, yo, Beech, your mama's a hoe.
Your daddy's a hoe.
I just like, yeah, yeah.
You get the donuts?
Thank you.
All right.
Sorry.
Sorry.
Please just try one of these.
Yeah, try one for us.
I'm sorry. Before we go into the these. Yeah, try one for it.
That means we're going to the...
Yeah, the bursts, the bursts are good.
I am fired.
Yeah, I love this.
Where did you, uh, oh, this is, okay.
It didn't look like it.
Hawaii. Hawaii.
Now, tell me this, does Hawaii,
are they just ahead of the curve as far as treats go?
Candy, yes.
I think Asia too, in general.
Japan for most stuff, right?
Yes.
Hawaii and candy, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why is that?
I don't know.
I just go to the crack seed store and I, everything there is just infinitely better.
Wow.
I'm tasting a little bit of Lee Hing on that.
What's my Lee Hing?
Hey Lee, I don't know what you fucking, I'm on these bears baby.
You like them?
It's like better than that.
What's the American one?
The Ferebo.
That's the gummy bear.
Gushers.
Oh, gushers with a little juice inside.
Yeah.
Anyway, let's move on.
Okay.
So for a lot of dose.
All right, are you gonna sweet treat?
We're at the for a lot of daily improv.
So I'm doing the for a lot of improv.
Sold out, by the way.
It was sold out.
Oh, even back then?
All your shows were sold out.
I remember you left me a voice man.
I was just still had it when we were in Seattle
and you're like, hey man, take it easy this weekend.
Don't crush too hard.
I know your family's gonna be in town,
I know you're gonna fucking take it up a notch
because you stepped ads here and you wanna impress them
and get them to love you like,
to be able to add didn't, whatever you said.
I get them paraphrasing.
Oh that's right, yeah.
You go take it down a notch.
You're abandoned.
Cause Bobby,
ever.
The four-hour-to-improved big room, you came and I think some stickers and try to get some fans.
I made a couple gals.
That's right.
And one of the girls was pretty pumped about my set.
And I'm in the feature spot, the easiest spot for comedy.
I'm doing, you're letting me do 30 minutes,
sometimes 45.
Let's get to the thing.
You didn't show up on top.
Yeah.
I think San Jose improv, I did an hour and 15 minutes
in the feature spot.
So now I'm, see, he's out chasing tail.
Okay.
So this gal and I go to a couple bars.
We have a good time.
And I'm thinking what, I mean, I'm still in this new spot of even, you know, having people,
I'm like, I don't know what the move is and just kind of let him hurt, kind of drive the
ship.
And then we go back to the hard rock.
And Bobby's like, I'm going to go gamble.
Let me know when you're done making our steaks.
And.
Was it a mistake?
I remember being pretty fun.
But here's why I think it was a mistake.
It was a mistake.
It was a fucking mistake.
Get to the mistake.
So, I'm up, so I don't know if you guys keep your phone on
or the lights on or the music on,
but I try to put things on airplane mode.
Silent mode. Silent mode.
Silent mode is I wanted no distractions.
I don't wanna hear four or five minutes.
And I looked down, I see like 40 missed calls from Bob.
And I'm like, somebody's dead.
That's what I mean, you go to, somebody died.
Or my second thought was,
oh, I think he's gambling, and I think he won a lot of money.
And I think he needs me to do something about that
in a way that helps him collect said cash.
So I meet the call back and he goes,
what the fuck are you?
And I go, I'm upstairs, I was having some fucking gums.
What's going on?
He was like, I just won, I think 40 or 50,000 dollars
at the slot machine and I didn't have my ID on it.
I need you to come down here quickly to claim my prize.
And I was like, fuck, I'm on my way.
And by the time I go down there, it's too late.
What do you mean it's too late?
So I guess that, you know, I didn't have any identification.
I never get to, which is the ear fault.
I know, but I'm also playing the club.
Yeah, I know.
Right, I'm headlining the club.
Suppostors everywhere.
Suppostors everywhere, so I mean, just give me some slack.
Just give me some slack, right?
And they go, no, we need a hard copy of your ID.
So what I was gonna do is, when it rang,
I knew this instinctually.
I was like, I'm gonna call Adam.
He's gonna sit where I'm sitting.
Yeah.
The problem is his buzzer's going, like ringing.
Everyone's staring at me. You know what I mean? Because I won the thing, right? So I'm sitting. Yeah. The problem is, is buzzers going, like, ringing everyone's staring at me because I won the thing, right?
So I'm like calling Adam, so we can get there.
So we can go, I won.
He gets somebody.
I want to give him a percentage.
And we could have moved on, right?
Then they go, you can't, you got there too late.
I ended up going to like the offices
with a native chiefs, or something like that.
And they go, here's what we're gonna do.
Yeah. You take, we'll be, or something like that. And they go, here's what we'll do. Yeah.
You take, we'll be, you take,
plane, go, get your ID, and then fly back.
My, my, my, and collect the money.
Yeah, my passport.
But since Florida, I'm not gonna fly back.
What would you do?
Yes, 100%.
I tend him.
I'd fly him back.
I didn't really see it was about 2025. That's still a lot him back. I'd really risk that he was about 20, 25.
That's still a lot.
Okay, look, yeah, real estate was like 20, 25,000.
Yeah, okay, look, I would have sent him back.
That night, take a red eye, come back.
Totally.
And then give him a 10% of it.
Not even, almost just like this is what you have to do
for not being available.
I would have done it.
Well, the problem was we had almost everywhere.
Do we think about that?
Cameras everywhere.
They would have maybe seen me sit down.
Well, how long ago was this?
Of course they had cameras.
2011.
No, what they wanted, I would have had to get on a flight,
drive and drive back.
Yeah, you could have had someone do that for you though.
I fly, I mean, fly, fly.
Yeah, Adam could have done that.
Oh, so fly back to LA.
Yeah.
And then fly back with my ship.
Kick him off a grand for his troubles.
Okay, maybe.
I'll even sit comfort.
To me in my mind, I was like, I wouldn't even
have asked for first.
I don't know why it was a word to me
I have for some reason.
I just, I was so angry.
But anyway, and did I use that against you in any way?
I don't think so.
I don't think so.
No, no.
That cash is just sitting at the hard rock
and Fort Lauderdale.
What if you go and climb? Yeah, can you go back now? Yeah, I'll. And just be like, look, no, that cash is just sitting at the hard rock and Fort Lauderdale. What if you go in that client?
Yeah, can you go back now?
I'll just be like, look dude, roll back a canvas.
Four or two years ago, you never gave me a timetable.
I might be.
I gave me a timetable.
It didn't give you a timetable.
How about this, we film it, we go back.
We collect the cash and I find that girl
and we get her to testify.
Testify.
Okay, yeah, testify.
That's normal.
And she's like, yeah, I was upstairs
having a very sub-parks man.
I'm like, you fucking you said it was great.
Is that why I'm here? Yeah.
414, Dan Soder.
I call him Quinn the first time I met him.
Yeah. Was with Joe List. Yeah.
And Colin Quinn just goes, what's your last name?
And I go, Soder, he goes, uh, change it.
I'm going to just walk away. I know.
That was a sit in there like, yeah, I changed my last name.
And it's like, that's my hero. Right. I fucking changed my name. Or like, sometimes sitting there like, yeah, can I change my last name? And it's like, that's my hero.
Right, I fucking changed my name.
Or like sometimes you'll go, like Jim Normal will go,
hey, will introduce me to other comments
like this guy's a strong middle.
Yeah.
Right.
That's good.
Right, I'm like, I'm headlining.
I'm always, I'm always waiting
from those old school guys.
I'm always waiting for a punch.
So every time I see him, like,
hey, how you doing, Jim?
Yeah. Because you don't want to lean in, yes. Hey, how you doing, Jim? Yeah.
Because you don't want to lean in and feel
although Jim though,
he is one of the sweetest
as underrated comedians of all three weeks ago.
He texted me and so I guess the New York Post
did a article about me being drunk on Sex in the City.
Do you remember that?
Yeah, it was on page six.
You called me.
So then Norton texted me and goes, are you okay, buddy? I read that article. I just want to see if you're
okay. Yeah. And I'm like, oh, we're friends and he's, he loves me. And what a great guy.
What a sweet, you know, he like guys like that always like text me when things are going wrong.
Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I mean, they're, they're intimidated.
It was held up by anything else.
No, it was genuinely,
it was genuinely, are you okay?
I'm here for you.
You know, I talked to,
when Ari, the Kobe thing happened.
Oh my God.
I remember Ari being like,
yeah, all the New York guys were like,
honest and upfront,
but like didn't abandon me.
Like he said that. He was like, all you guys were like, that joke sucked, but like didn't abandon me. Like he said that.
He was like, all you guys were like,
that joke sucked, but we love you.
Yeah.
You know, and it was like, he said,
like, you know, I'm not gonna name names,
we said people on the West Coast,
fuck it, we're like, lose my number.
See, this is what I wanna say now.
And you just hit something in me,
and I'm gonna get in there.
Yeah, I think you're right.
I think that some of the people in the West are cowardly.
And they're scared.
And they're a little too woke for me.
Yeah, right.
They care about the optics.
They care about the optics.
It's like I can't be associated with over friendship.
Over friendship.
But the New York guys are in deep.
Well, I truly think that there's a thing of like there's
an honesty to the relationships there. Where you're like, you Well, I truly think that there's a thing of like, there's an honesty to the relationships there.
Where you're like, I should move.
Should I move?
I, I, the thing I do like about New York is that like,
they'll tell you to your face if a joke sucks.
They're like, don't do that joke.
And I feel like in LA, there's not a lot of that.
Well, the audience does that too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, but I think, I think that that's the one thing I like about New York
is that I know that no matter where I go in the business,
I have a crew of friends that will treat me the same.
Yeah.
And I think in LA, what happens is people treat you accordingly.
Like if you're up, people are like,
oh my God, I love seeing you.
And if you're down and you do something fucked up,
they're like, I just can't right now. Yeah. I love seeing you. And if you're down and you do something fucked up, they're like, I can't right now.
Yeah.
I don't know.
Oh, no, you're absolutely correct.
Yeah.
You hit it on the button, dude.
Cause I've had friends that have gone through all that shit
and just immediately reach out and you're like,
yeah, I did, this is the sucks.
Cause you know how many voices are coming at them
being like, you fucking suck, you're terrible.
And if you just reach out and go like,
yeah, all right, this is brutal.
And then make fun of them.
I think theoretically, but I wanna say this though,
I think that people in New York,
comics that go to New York wanna be real comics, right?
I think that would stand up.
I think they wanna focus primarily.
Right, and when they come to LA,
they have other dreams.
They want, listen man, the thing is,
you can, I can knock LA all I I want the fact is LA comics are better performers
They're better performers. They tell jokes better. That's all I want to hear. Yeah, but they all
They on stage like you see LA guys performing. You're like fuck. I wish I was that unchained
I wish I was that unburdened to be like act out my jokes like that. Yeah, yeah. But I also think New York comics are like stand up is more important.
Yeah, I see.
Like just like the actual stand up is important, writing jokes and like.
Yeah, because when I was like this seller that last time I played the seller, you know
the piano guy that's there.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I was doing way too much.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You did a really good job.
I was like, I was doing way too much.
Do I score this?
Yeah, yeah. And he looked at me like, hey.
Yeah, no.
My favorite thing about the seller,
and I think this is in LA too,
this is actually my favorite thing in a comedy club
is making sure the staff is laughing.
Because if the staff is laughing,
you're like, you guys see all this horse shit.
Yeah.
So if they're not laughing, you're like, man guys see all this horse shit. Yeah. So if they're not laughing, you're like,
man, is that joke, Suck?
Yep.
Yeah.
395.
Roddy Chang.
Has he ever apologized anyone ever?
Rarely.
Rarely, right.
Thank you.
Secondly, I have other issues with you.
Right.
So many gripes.
Yeah, I have second.
I have another issue.
I have another podcast ready.
So it's just a barrage second issue.
My here's my second issue. Okay, please. You do Neil's a barrage second issue. My hair's on my second issue, right?
You do Neil Brennan's podcast before mine?
That's insane.
No, this guy, I want to also,
I want to say this, okay?
Listen to me, all right.
Oh, yeah, I look up to you.
You know what I mean?
I grew up watching you.
I have respect for you, okay?
I love all that stuff.
That gets to be hard, okay?
But, let me say something.
And all these people are like,
oh, we're gonna do Neil Brothers.
We do, we're better.
We do better numbers.
We do better numbers or no.
I think so.
First of all, I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think here to do podcasts. So I don't do it.
Okay, second of all.
Second, first, that's number one.
Fuck podcast.
Number one.
Fuck podcast.
Okay, I came here to be in movies.
I make money.
I didn't come in to podcast for free.
I didn't come in to co-party.
I made money on your free podcast.
All right, I'm not getting paid for this.
Okay, second of all.
All right, when you ask me to do a podcast, I live in New York City.
I don't live in LA.
Everyone in LA, for some reason,
thinks everybody lives in LA.
Everyone's always like, hey, come and do my podcast.
I don't live in your city, man.
How much was it to do your podcast when I was in the city?
You have to calm down.
Robot.
What are you saying is ridiculousness, okay?
I'll tell you why all right number one. Yes
It's free, but right it's gonna help you okay because
Believe it or not right the people that listen to this podcast are my fans right why are you covering your eye?
Because what why are you covering your eyes why you make trying to make it sound like you're doing me a favor right now
I am doing your favor. We're doing each other favor.. How what could I'm gonna tell you how this works?
Okay, Ronnie, all right about eight years ago when this new podcast phenomena started right the reason why it knew eight years ago
So new cutting edge
Don't say
On the cutting edge of media right now
I'm speaking to microphones into microphones and record.
Oh my God, okay, okay.
Oh my God, this is like an NFT Bitcoin podcast.
All right, all right.
So anyway, what happened was the East Coast
and the West Coast,
at Lake Comedy, New York Comedy,
what we did was we did each other's podcast
and we all grew together, all right?
So in my mind, we're a family.
You know what family means?
Or I do know what family means.
I know, I know family. Yeah,
exactly. It's where the heart is. Home is where the heart is. Okay. Am I not right?
Are you talking? Well, what's he talking about? What I'm talking about is this. So what we're doing
right now is brothers and sisters and family members getting together and helping each other.
By you doing my podcast, you're helping me out. Okay. I need your help. Oh, you do me a fucking
favor. No, this is that's why you're here. Okay. No, I need your help. Oh, you do me a fucking favor.
No, this is, that's why you're here.
Okay, no, no problem.
By the way, I love to be here.
You ask me, I'm like, oh my god,
Bobby Lee asked me for his podcast.
Yeah, it's huge.
A bunch of times I asked you.
Yeah, I, again, I don't live in my life, man.
I don't live in Hollywood.
Why are you jumping?
You're a big man.
Oh, this is how I talk.
I don't think I'm mad.
I'm not mad. Here we go. So, last thing I want to say is, that's okay. I think I'm mad. I'm not mad.
Here we go.
So last thing I want to say is that's okay.
Thank you so much.
Thank you so much.
I really love you.
I really love you, Ronnie.
I grew up in Southeast Asia too.
I grew up in the Philippines.
Oh, you're a Philippines?
Yeah.
I grew up in Austria, wherever he is from.
Austria?
Where is it?
Australia.
Southeast Asia.
Oh, yeah.
Americans literally do not understand Southeast Asia. So don't even worry about what Bobby is saying? Australia. I'm a major. Self-easing. Oh, you guys don't know. Americans literally do not understand Southeast Asia.
So don't even worry about what Bobby is saying right now.
Self-easing, we get it.
Okay, self-easing.
Oh, you'll think I see put too.
You don't think I see put too.
You don't see the pop-ups now.
Why are you a self-easing Asian?
Why are you a self-eating?
I love them.
I love the jungle.
I do have a question for you.
I love Torian for you.
Always shit on Southeast Asian, though.
Yeah. Oh, here we go. This guy, I thought you were Chinese. you. I love Torian. Do you always shit on Southeast Asian though? Yeah.
Oh, here we go.
This guy, I thought you were Chinese.
He thinks Koreans are the best.
I think Koreans are a lot of fun.
I think Koreans are the best.
We're party.
No, I think we're fun to like hang out with.
Yeah, they're cool.
I think they understand live performing.
I think they make great audiences.
They're great performers.
They know how to have fun.
I love it.
I got nothing but good things about careers.
The only thing I mean, you could argue
that maybe they have too much fun.
You know what I mean?
That's...
You know, sometimes you gotta take it down with the fun,
but that's not a, you know,
that's the worst thing you can say about careers.
I mean, I'll take that.
383 Trevor Walls, big nose talk.
Your nose is out of control.
What the...
Your nose, dude?
It's like, I can't even deal with it. Because even when I was performing
and I saw him up there. We know I literally I'm like eight minutes in. You've just been
standing on I know but I was like on stage and my side angle that was not good. That was
the tip of your nose right here on the side. My side angle is not good. It's not good. It's not
good. But noses like yours are all the rage with the younger.
With who?
With who?
With Jews?
Really?
No.
Wait, wait, wait.
I get like, it's all the rage for the Jews.
I get like, tagged and ticktocks.
And I'm like, men or like girls who like guys
with bigger noses up.
Like, I'm never met a girl who've been like, you're nostrils.
Yeah, yeah.
It's not your nostrils.
It's because when you go down on us, and especially from behind, the tip of your nose
touches the ass, and it really tickles it.
What?
I have a built-in vibrator.
You do.
You have a built-in second appendage that tickles ever so slightly the tip of our assholes,
and it feels so good.
I've been with a guy who's nose was massive and I can tell you confidently
that I think about him to this day solely because of the the ass to nose touching.
I think how big was his nose like like a Nigel Thornberry type of guy?
I mean like it was the first thing you saw in a room.
He also he was a really big guy so it matches his whole look but it was Adrian
Brody nose. Oh yeah, he was a really big guy, so it matched his whole look, but it was Adrian Brody knows.
Oh, yeah.
But his is an Adrian Brody.
It's not, but it can touch an asshole.
Yeah, they can touch their fucking back of a spine from the back.
No, you're like a Lincoln.
Memorial?
No, like an ape,
like you're a part of A Lincoln's like face club or whatever.
You're an Indian.
You just have one of those like, I live in the woods.
Who else is in that face club?
No, I don't have that at all.
It's your face, not your body.
Okay, okay, your body's no, no, your body's like,
no, not in the face club.
No, not in the face club.
No, not in the face club.
No, not in the face club.
Asherwitz.
Well, another Jew thinks.
Sorry, sorry, sorry, my bad, my bad.
Are you Jewish?
Come on.
Okay. Yeah, my bad. My you Jewish? Come on. Okay.
Yeah, my bad.
Yeah, my dad is not.
Oh, right, good.
I love him.
My parents are the Jews.
The Jews in general.
Okay. I love him.
Good. They got great noses.
Beautiful ones.
So, I don't know if you saw the article he pulled up,
but it said there's a correlation to better dick and bigger noses.
I'd rather have gons.
I'd rather have the ingredients.
I'd rather have no dick and not your noses. This is also interesting. Well, you can have your noses and then I'd rather have not bronze, I'd rather have a better gradients, I'd rather have no dick and not your nose. This is also interesting.
Well, you can have your nose and I'd rather have not the fucking nose.
Bobbi, we've seen your penis.
It's the sensual the same.
Five reasons why men with big noses make the best husbands.
Also, the guy in the picture has the tiniest nose.
He also has a man bun.
So I think they just picked the wrong guy in general.
So Trevor, does anything to supply to you?
Oh, man with big noses have more muscle.
I mean, we'll ask the audience here, dude.
Oh, that's pretty good.
Oh, I don't know.
What's up with the news now, Bobby?
Number two, their thought to be wise and powerful.
I can see that.
Bradley Cooper.
Hey, did you remember?
Hey, did you remember?
They have better luck with money.
Nobody do you drive in?
Can you come on? I mean, maybe. I mean, is it the nose or the... They have better luck with money. Nobody's driving. Come on.
I mean, maybe.
I mean, is it the nose or the people?
That's a real question.
With the money part.
We're going with the segment.
Oh, number five.
They have a crazy libido.
I have a libido.
What is it?
You like fucking.
Oh, yeah.
I'm down.
I thought libido was like, I thought libido was like,
I thought libido was like,
where they put the stick and you had to go underneath it.
What's that called?
Let's go, let's limbo.
Oh, limbo.
Oh, limbo.
The ball is like that.
Yeah, but I could do that too with my nose
and I could eat it.
Oh yeah, yeah, just go right under it.
Right?
Yeah, but you wouldn't be good at that game.
What eating ass from the low?
No, limbito.
Limbito.
Limbito.
That's gotta be the tunnels that are Lombito.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because you, you, your whole body would get through
but your nose would tip it.
I feel like you'd be really good at Lombito.
I'd be great at Lombito.
I feel like you can get real low.
I get so low that you can get under a four-to-one.
I don't even have to do a band.
I can just walk across.
That's what I am.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Anyway.
How tall are you?
Are you gonna go reverse now?
No.
You're gonna attack me now?
Probably.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
All right.
I would never.
417, Chrissy D, Korean butt theory.
Koreans they can't grow facial hair.
It's almost impossible.
You can't ever get that.
Nobody in Korea has that.
Who has that in Korea?
Seriously.
And seriously, I'm gonna tell you something, all right?
In a year from now, you're gonna look at my face
and you're gonna go, they can do it.
Interky, interky.
What do you mean, interky?
The trans-beard transplant.
All beer transplants in Turkey, okay, yeah,
but I'm talking about natural Korean.
Natural.
Two things, they can't really grow facial hair
and they don't have any smell to their sweat.
That's true.
That's an enzyme thing.
That's the truth.
That's the truth.
And we don't have Brazilian butts.
You do have Brazilian butts. Yeah.
You said Koreans do you've seen a Korean with a Brazilian butt?
Brazilian butts are all big. I'm a BBL or just a big butt. The kind that Brazilians have.
He's a big butt. That's what Koreans men and women have the same butt. You can't tell a man from one from the butt.
You can in other cultures, but not Koreans. It's true.
What it is? At least in South Korea. I don't know North Korea. They don't have that. Let me just the butt. You can in other cultures, but not from the ring. It's true.
But what it is?
At least in South Korea, I don't know North Korea.
They don't have that.
Let me just show you.
So what you're saying here.
Yes.
Let's just be honest.
Yeah, I'm serious.
All right.
So I don't want to do this.
What you're happy to do.
I don't want to do this.
I'm going to turn it this way.
Sit here.
Come on, Don.
Get it on.
Sit here.
Don, Don doesn't want to be on podcast.
He's in the right or strike
Yeah, so you're at a Korean strip club. Yeah, all right
Don't look above the
Can I get some on strip club music please?
Everybody Bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum I know you would have to do back up. But not in the back, not from the back at all. Do you can't tell who that was, Skyrza?
Do you know why I turned around?
Tell me.
Because from behind, he was already sold on it.
Right.
So in his mind, he's like, I don't care what gender now.
Right.
So now I can reveal myself.
Right.
And he's still smiled.
Right.
So that's a Korean trick.
That's okay.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.
I like, yeah.
I mean, that's what we did during the Korean War, man. Yeah. Korean War. People don't talk about that war enough. Well, you want's a Korean trick. That's okay. Yeah, that's what I like. Yeah, but that's what you're doing at Korean War, man.
Yeah, Korean War.
Yeah. People don't talk about that war enough.
Well, you want to go to history.
No, not really.
I, I, I, I'm tired of it.
I actually don't know much about the Korean War.
Neither. But I know there was bad.
384. Blake Anderson. Bobby finds out why he was really cute.
We got to plug the new movie.
Yeah, go ahead.
Brandon Dürmer, he's trying to FaceTime you really.
Oh, that's right, right.
So Dürmer.
I thought you guys were talking about a workahogs movie,
because that got axed.
Oh, did it?
It did?
What, really?
Why?
Paramount Plus pulled the plug.
Those fucking bastards.
Tax cuts, man.
I know, those bastards.
You know what? It's not that the dream's not dead though.
No, it's never dead.
Exactly, go somewhere else.
The dream's alive.
Is the Brandon Termin movie that he's in the movie?
I was supposed to do.
Right.
Yeah, what?
They replaced D Last Minute.
Oh, were you gonna be the DJ?
No, I thought I was like driving these two girls somewhere.
Oh, I think Kyle, my buddy Kyle, the director,
newichek, he might have swooped your role.
That he did.
Yeah.
And the reason why I got replaced was because of COVID.
Yeah, I'm totally fine as the movie we're talking about.
I'm totally fine.
And it was shot like height of COVID.
Yeah.
So it was really small crew.
Yeah. I think it was like six people.
Yeah, and I remember him calling me that night.
He's like, dude, I think one of the actresses
got COVID or something and he was just like,
I just can't, you know, risk you coming out here.
Yeah. And I go, I cried.
You did?
I could shed a tear.
Yeah, because it's my dream to be a love movie.
Well, maybe it's a sequel.
It could have a sequel.
You will, maybe.
He's a great guy, is he not?
Kyle or Brandon?
Which one?
Why are you trying to confuse me?
What are these mind games of playing with Bob?
Like, what's up, man?
You're still mad about the diner?
Yeah, and I'm finding a way to get you.
I know, but I'm just saying,
I already apologized to you, man.
If you're gonna do this,
but you have to accept that I'm
praying on your downfall.
That's not it was COVID that didn't you get you in the movie?
Oh, you got it with COVID.
Oh, man, I'm gonna call Dermar right now
because I didn't get a miss call from him.
Yeah, call him right now. I need to talk to him because I think it's him. And you know what, this is great. And you Dermar right now because I didn't get a miss call from him. Yeah, call him right now.
I need to talk to him because I think it's him.
And you know what, this is great.
And you know, all those things I think about,
you know, I mean, that are happening,
they really do happen in my mind.
Yeah, I was like, in real life.
Hey Dermar.
Give it to me.
Wait, Bobby is having a crisis
because you think you got replaced intentionally
on the movie, right?
Okay, give it to me.
Bro, don't tell him.
Put it in my, put it up. Bro, don't tell him. But end of my, what up?
Hey, how's it going?
He's coming unhinged.
I'm not picking me.
I got banned from hinge.
What's the play I want?
You did.
I just opened my Apple page.
Hey, bro, so Blake was telling me
that the reason why you replaced me in the movie
wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It was because Blake sat you down and said,
I don't wanna work with him.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It was because Blake sat you down and said,
I don't wanna work with him.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It was because Blake sat you down and said,
I don't wanna work with him.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It was because Blake sat you down and said,
I don't wanna work with him.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID. It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID.
It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID. It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID. It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID. It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID. It wasn't because of somebody getting COVID. Blake over you. And you know what's so fun? Let me see something to you.
This last weekend, you had a guy came up to me
at the store and I had an exchange number.
His name is McCone.
Right?
McCone, right?
And he goes, I'm from the tournament,
so I was so generous with him.
I sat down with him and I go, you know what I mean?
Let's do something together.
Let's come up with some ideas.
Listen to that because he's a creative guy, right? But I did that because, you know, partly, you know,
I know you, right?
And I want you to look on, right?
Right?
And this is how you treat me with this guy.
With this guy?
Do you know how McCone, I saw a mentor in him.
He reached out to me after I did your Titer Belly
and he said, can I PA for you?
And that's how I met him in higher demand.
Oh, I don't know what you're doing right now,
but I thought it's a really good segue into somewhere else
Right, let's talk about Blake, okay. Yeah, he's not here
One of our cast who came to set their sister-driven to set tested positive. I called you
This is number 20 20. I was like look here's the scenario. We're scared to break the bubble and you were like dude
Say last I'm scared. I don't to leave the house I Said that I said that your decision. Yeah, you were like thank you, dude. You were like I've been stressing over this
Okay, my bad
That's
Wow That's fucking bullshit. Oh, whoa. Wow.
One of the show up for me in the love sense,
but the pressure and the situation of COVID,
you were scared.
As were we.
And then when I was like, look, we might have a positive.
We're scared to break the bubble.
OK, you know what?
Let's put this behind us.
Yeah, I don't know.
OK.
What do you mean?
I don't know.
Just not adding up. All right, I'll talk to you later. Hang this up. Bye, Dermur. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you mean, I don't know? What do you mean, I don't know? She's not adding up.
All right, I'll talk to you later.
Hang this up.
Bye, Dermur.
Yeah, bye, Dermur.
It's not adding up, is it?
Yeah, yeah.
That doesn't make any sense.
No, it doesn't.
Yeah, yeah.
So when you said that with Dermur, what exactly did you say?
I just said, like, you know, you were a dick to me back in the day.
All right.
403, young gravy, wiki feet.
Who's the one, someone told me to refer,
I don't pay enough attention to politics,
but I referenced a girl in a song recently.
It's like, she's got three letters,
a three letter acronym, the name.
AOC, AOC.
AOC, AOC.
So I'll get AOC, yeah, because they told me the digist
of her and I was like whatever, this is good.
She's like, uh, Marjor Taylor Green,
but other side.
And it wasn't like a, oh, like I'm promoting politics
most, it was like, I want to fuck AOC.
I do too.
Yeah.
So I'll get AOC to get Marjorie.
Yeah, I don't want to fuck her.
You have to.
But just for your pubes,
have you seen Marjor Taylor Green?
You don't want to fuck her.
If her name is Marjorie, I could assume it's not great.
It's not great. That's her. Ever nays Marjorie, I could assume it's not great. Yeah, that's her.
She's kinda like me actually.
Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Wow, you're right.
I thought you wanted to, that's what you wanna breed with.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Well, she's short.
Oh, she's short, oh.
Yeah, there you go, that's your thing.
And I also, there's a rumor that she has troll feet.
I don't know what it is.
What a troll feet. Just go, I don't know, I've never Googled it. I don't know what it is. What are troll feet?
Just go I don't know I've never Googled it. I don't know but people have called her that so I feel bad for all
Let's see. It's anything those that's not her feet. That's just troll feet. So we have a reference
Well, I know that okay. Go to Marjorie Taylor Green though you want to have a feed
Marjorie Taylor
Yeah, Marjorie green feet. Oh, let's see. Oh. Oh, you guys are wiki feet? Yeah, we both are.
His rating is really good because he did.
Really good.
So those are her feet.
Oh, they are truly.
Yeah, yeah.
Slightly.
People that are like, I don't know if it's fall.
I guess it happens to me too.
Why are we shaving her feet?
Yeah, like why do people care?
People have weird feet.
I care.
My congresswoman have to have no more feet.
I care.
I care, okay. That's fucked up
That's worse than fucking
Policy you and on in policy. So he had a really shitty wiki feet rating
I think it was like a two out of five and then he went on H3 podcast and basically begged H3 fans to
Oh, it's crazy. So now he is like a perfect five out of five. Wow
They love me. You have yeah, yeah, 4.85
Is that good? Yeah, I mean can I see mine quick?
I'm curious. Yeah, I'm gonna look for yours. That's not my foot to the level. That's definitely your foot, dude. Did you spray in the show?
That's how my foot, man. Oh, I'm gonna sue them. That's not my foot, man. Wiki-feet.
That's crazy, this exists.
What am I?
Young gravy, there.
Wow, good rating.
4.48.
4.5 out of 5.
Is mine higher?
Yeah, it's higher, it's higher.
That's just the way it is.
That's the way it flies.
People really find this.
Is that your really foot?
That's my really foot.
I like your really foot.
The top of the... The missing Tonya right there. Oh, you do? Yeah, looks like it really. The top of the missing toenail right there.
Oh, you do?
Why is that longer than, I guess that's the way it goes.
Has the sending foot length, that's really good.
Like that's an attractive trait, I think.
Wow.
This is a cool length.
Oh, for the wiki feet.
I think you're just saying like,
personally, you're into a foot that slopes.
I'll cut it.
Talk about it.
It's like descending toe length is the thing for him.
So I guess it's a real thing.
Four 24 workaholics.
F Mary Kill.
Hello.
It's called the word.
Chissey Potato.
Fuck Mary Kill.
I want you to play.
Why?
I could play it.
Yeah, let's go with you. Yeah, let's play it. I go first though. You want you to play. Why? I could play it. Yeah, let's go with you.
Let's play it.
I go first though.
You go, you play it.
Go ahead.
I'll be real.
Honestly, yeah, because, you know, I'll be honest with you.
I would be gay for a laugh.
Well, we know.
Okay.
It's happened.
Good, I'd like to know.
I'm glad you know this information.
Okay.
So, um, fuck Mary Kill.
And, um,
Oh, I'm nervous, it's not because I fucked up your name earlier.
And I also was in a voice and I didn't really fuck your name up,
so I don't know, I think you took that the wrong way.
I'll kill you though.
That's fun.
Kill Gers.
Can I tell you something?
Yeah.
Look, huge relief over here.
It's already done. Yeah. It's already done.
Yeah.
It's already done, hey.
Billy, Bobby, what's that?
We're good.
Oh, we're good?
Yeah.
All right, good.
But I would do it in a very gentle way,
because I know we share the same friends and whatnot.
And I do your talented guys.
So you would be a poison or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is that gentle?
I feel like that tears just brought you from the inside.
Yeah, I really hurt.
Yeah, probably.
Is it a real hithoredge?
Was it in this potato?
Yeah, got it.
What's in this potato?
I would have to marry you.
Marry me.
Yeah.
Okay.
Because out of the three, I trust you the most.
Wow.
Okay. Or is it that you just really want to fuck the because out of the three, I trust you the most. Wow. Okay.
Or is it that you just really want to fuck the shit out of Adam?
No, I don't want to fuck it.
It would be quick.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no I've known him for so long. We probably giggle to the whole thing. Y'all come real fast, you know what I mean?
But I trust you, Le Mans.
I think.
Who's the top?
Yeah.
Or do we mean Adam and Adam?
Yeah.
Well, are we giving?
Are we receiving?
He's very much a gentle bottom.
So I can't imagine you doing anything else or being anything else.
What do you mean I'm a gentle bottom?
You're a gentle bottom.
You're like a receiver.
You're not an initiator.
You're just a, you You're not an initiator. You're just a you know
You lay there
You're pillow princess your pillow princess
That's fine
You killed him this episode's brought you by my pillow
So now in this fuck Mary Kill, I have to fuck you.
No, you get to.
Yeah, you get to.
I'm dead.
Yeah, yeah.
Would you rather me fuck you?
No, I think I'd prefer the fucking problem.
Yeah, yeah.
How about this?
I'll pretend I'm sleeping.
I'll do this with my hands.
It'll be, I'm, I'm a stomach like this.
I'll have my legs apart like this.
I don't know if that makes it bad.
It doesn't.
It worse in a lot of ways.
Why?
I will be sleeping then, not pretend.
Okay.
Still.
It's a better than that.
I think that's it.
But you have a letter.
I have your consent.
You know, I do.
Okay, okay.
There's a letter outside letter.
Adam, how about Adam's sleeping?
I feel like I'd prefer that way more.
Well, why do you prefer it?
Because then I don't have to know what's happening.
He's a ghost, master baiting.
No, here's what I think is what I'm on like a barbitch with.
Okay.
It's not even an open, open, open.
I'm out.
But we would still have to sign a consent form.
No, it's just signed. It's on my back.
Okay.
Okay.
Is that what we signed when we came in here?
Yes.
Oh, wow.
Cool.
You feel drowsy?
The number working. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, in the Midwest, as you know, probably that never come to New York or LA,
that have a following and they resonate
in those regions of the world.
And I don't know if I grew up in,
I mean, Peoria, Illinois, or Lubbock, Texas, who knows?
Yeah.
I might be just four capital letters, G-O-OK.
Yeah, I mean, with an exclamation point, right?
Film outfit.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
Just gooke.
You know what I mean?
Like, they have to yell it, right?
So, you know, before they go, they chant, gooke, gooke,
the audience, gooke, you know what I mean?
Maybe I fucking make my face, you're, you know. I'm uncomfortable sitting in front ofg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, gg, g. There was no collilo. I'm sorry, but maybe I would do that.
There was no Matt TZ.
You still can.
You would do anything so.
Yeah.
You'll catch on.
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
You looked super elder when you did that.
You looked like 20 years older when you did that.
When I did this?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Why can't I do that?
Let me see. Looks like an elder man.
Oh yeah.
I don't know why.
No good.
Yeah.
Hello.
But do it without the accent.
Just talk normal.
Hello.
That's even crazier.
It's good.
That's even crazier.
Give us a Southern accent.
Hello.
Hello.
Hello.
That's good.
Hello.
Where's the rice cakes at? Mm-hmm. Pretty good. That's pretty good. Thank you. Rice cakes are good. Hello. Where's the, where's the, where's the rice cakes?
Yeah.
Pretty good. That's pretty good.
Thank you.
Rice cakes are good.
How's it going?
Are they great?
Yeah.
For a wait, I bear in holds, but stuff.
But also in the green room, I was doing weird things.
I was stuffing stuff in my body.
Yeah.
And just weird stuff.
Why do you think, um, why do you think you wanted to like
sell? Hey, John, what, what's up?
You're my boy, huh?
For life. I love it. I like. Like, why do you think you always to like sell? Hey John, what's up? You're my boy, huh? For life.
I love it.
Like, why do you think you always wanted to do anal on yourself?
He's gay.
Who said that?
Who said that?
Why'd you see that?
Because I'm not.
I was just, yeah, I know about not.
Like, you know what I mean?
You threw that out there, you know, they clipped that,
you know what I mean, I'm gay, then.
Does it feel good?
I don't mind, I'm supportive of the LG LG, you know what I mean?
But it's weird because you don't let any fingers up there,
but why did you keep shoving shit up your ass when you were
here?
I think at the time, I didn't have the talent.
I don't sell your stuff.
I don't.
I don't.
But in my mind, I'm like, oh, these guys can do impressions.
And they're like, and they can do like.
Do you mean sir, no one does a better Connie Chuck
in this 50 United States than you.
I don't know.
And you know, I mean, they can do characters
and this is their thing, right?
So in my mind, I'm like, I'll just be weird.
Right?
That's part of it.
I think the other part was.
It really was, the 2000s was like a very crazy decade
where, first of all, we were, a lot of us were loaded a lot of the time.
Yeah. Like there was a lot of draw,
like people were drawing lines.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
But look at that, look at that.
Right there, I'm so hooked up there.
Very good, I'm so hooked up there.
I cut off my most adjure and peel, huh?
Interesting.
Cool, guys.
But I think at that time really it it was comedy, it was like.
Look at us.
Oh my God.
That's at the upfronts.
Oh, look at that.
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ.
Oh my God.
I look like Corey Haley.
Oh no.
Look at us back then.
I mean, we look like a boy band and our manager.
I'm the manager or a bike.
My kids.
My kids.
I don't want to be the man.
He's like our manager that will go to jail
for like sex abuse.
But that 2000s, don't you feel like everyone back then
was like in the 2000s, like, look at my dick hole.
Yeah, yeah.
How many it was like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
Yeah, so gross, which I loved.
I was a huge fan of it.
I still am.
I showed my dick hole a couple of people this morning. But I think at that time, it was just so gross, which I loved. I was a huge fan of it. I still am. I showed my dick hold a couple of people this morning.
But I think at that time, everyone was like crazy.
We were just like, people were just nuts.
Yeah, yeah.
I find myself apologizing people.
Like, you know, flan again, I farted in her mouth.
That one, again, you never have to apologize to me.
There was never a day where I was driving home
and I was like, fuck Bobby.
Yeah, yeah. But like, flan again, I get that. That was never a day where I was driving home, and I was like, fuck Bobby, yeah, yeah.
But like, a planning, I get that, that's a good idea.
Yeah, that was tough, yeah.
He farted and I saw her hair move.
Oh, my God.
Like, literally, I saw the wind from his.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
As.
I've seen, if you right now, the lights went on the studio
and you just put a sharpie in my hand,
I could draw your asshole.
Like, every, really your asshole. Really?
Really?
Every lip.
Thank you.
Muscle.
Thank you.
Thank you.
I love it.
382.
TJ Miller is your yakuza brother.
So then I go and I say something to him about his cargo pants.
Okay.
Okay.
And he is not drunk.
And he is not a heckler.
He's this guy, Jonah.
Oh. So he's this guy Jonah. Oh.
So he's talking about why he likes...
Why he likes Kurgle best.
He's in the box.
I want you guys to know that I am not going to make fun of him at all.
Cosmos. Isn't that a great backdrop? that I am not going to make fun of him at all. Pause, pause.
Isn't that a great backdrop?
Right.
It's all different fake in the Xanies comedy club
because the top one's anuses the real thing.
Yeah.
Those are all fake comedy.
That's funny, buddy.
Scricots is a great fucker.
Tell me, Tickler, I like my buddy's Nick Vatter
out his hilarious, like, uncountable silences.
Yeah.
So yeah, so that was Jonah. And so then I kind of said, look, I'm not going to make fun of this guy. Yeah. So yeah, so that was Jonah.
And so then I kind of said, look,
I'm not gonna make fun of this guy.
Yeah.
And then throughout the show,
he like interrupted me again,
so I incorporated him.
And then eventually the show was kind of about him.
People wanted to hear what he had to say.
I was sort of involving.
He has the funniest line in the entire special.
The closer is something with him that we do together.
Yeah.
And it was, it's like perfect.
Because that's exactly, it did everything that I needed to do.
Wow.
It shows people how good I am and it's an improviser.
And then if you come see a show, you have no idea where it's going to go.
It shows that I am a comic and I have strong material.
And also shows that I'm like a good guy.
Yeah.
Because I never made fun of this guy.
And there's never a moment where it seems like I'm going to.
And I kind of, the whole show spent it slowly kind of lifting him up
and making him the star of the show.
Oh.
Yeah, and it's really sweet.
I mean, honestly, people tell me that at the end of the special,
they're like crying.
Oh.
They're like, how is this guy?
And you can tell, because he's a huge fan of Deadpool,
a huge fan of me.
And I said, you know that I get sanded,
he goes, oh yeah, he said, I saw you before
and I was in the back.
And he's like, so I say, I gotta go and see you again
be in the front.
And that's why he sat so, he was in front,
he was touching the stage, his table was touching the stage.
Because he figured if it was good in the back,
it was gonna be so much better in the front, right?
Because that's, it gets better as he hit closer, the performer, which is kind be so much better in the front, right? Because that's, it gets better,
is he hit closer to the performer,
which is kind of fucking true.
It is true, yeah.
And so is he, it's like the best.
Is he normal?
Is there something going on with him or?
Of course, yeah.
Okay, I don't want to know.
I don't want to say the word, but,
well, what's funny is, is he that?
He's, he's developmentally retarded.
And I,
that's totally,
you double down on what, I was gonna say, I couldn't even say, I said so I said that's next level because it's
no it's medical it's medical that thing and I said that and the series like this world
would you call diabolical what is it?
No, it's not your problem.
You know what?
What'd you say?
So listen, so he's so so I was talk about this with my because this woke girl is comic because she's really funny
But she was like she kept me like special needs
Okay, yes, absolutely. It's I really oh yeah, yeah, but then why not talking to my nurse like college about it
And I said he is he's still developmentally retarded that is the name for it. Oh,
Deadlach, I a diabolic subject.
She goes, yeah, that would have been insane.
That one is so insane.
He was crazy.
And he's just diabolical.
He's diabolically.
So I said that to my neuropsychologist
and she goes, it's a medical term,
but we prefer to say intellectually deficient.
Okay. It's like, what? That's even to say intellectually deficient. Okay. It's like what?
That's even worse.
That's worse.
It's painful.
It's kind of like, you don't have it.
It's every have it.
Instead of calling someone slow, you're like, no, he stopped.
Yeah.
He's not slow.
He stopped.
He stopped, yeah, yeah.
Tiger belly 400.
Bobby needs to get tested.
I was talking to a friend of yours who will remain unnamed.
But basically, we came across like a TikTok of this girl who was like, you know, I've had
three kids and all of my kids have Down syndrome.
And she was like, and she's like, right, you know, she was like, I don't understand.
So her doctor was like, I think you should take a genetic test to see if you have Down syndrome.
She was like, I clearly don't have Down syndrome.
And she got tested and she does.
How would she not?
And so this friend of yours was like, don't you think Bobby needs to get tested?
I didn't say it.
It was your friend.
And I was like, well, and he was like, what is, is there a way for us to just swab his
cheeks without knowing?
I think he'll just do it.
Yeah, she's something.
I didn't say it.
I know she is.
This is interesting. Look at the way his hands are.
Yeah, and this is my thing.
She wouldn't do it with my hands.
This is me being very spiritual in the moment and no feelings attached to it.
This is what I do.
If I was like a preacher, this would be my main hand thing.
That's your praying hands.
Yeah, yeah, I do like this.
So I implore you, who's this person that?
I'm not gonna say.
No, you will tell me.
Okay.
I implore with you.
I ask you this, I'll tell you.
We can edit it out, just tell me it'll, okay, I know.
No way.
And can I just say this, since you told me, maybe because I know who you're saying, maybe
he should get tested.
Maybe both of you guys.
I was looking at his hands and his head the other day.
His head.
Dude, his head is three times bigger than most people's heads, right?
And his hands are like a little bit thick and a little.
Nothing wrong with it.
Nothing wrong with it, right?
So maybe he has the downs.
No, it's not.
I will take the test.
I will take the appearance of it.
It's about just, you know...
Could I get 20 percent?
Yes, so it's called mosaicism.
Love it.
Oh, I have that already.
So...
I have mosaicism.
Like, yeah, that's that.
Just some of your styles.
I thought it was just really freaking cool.
And anyways, that's your friend Just some of your styles. I thought it was just really freaking cool.
And anyways, that's your friend.
Wow.
You have great friends.
So somebody got tested for it
and they have a little bit of it.
Yeah, but it, she passed it down
to all three of her children.
Oh, but then they got full blown.
That?
Yes.
Oh, wow.
So that was really interesting.
So she explains it really well on TikTok,
like how that happens and everything.
I know that there's something wrong with me.
I just don't know what it is, you know?
But there is something wrong.
I don't know what, I got dropped in my head
or you know, or something, you know what I mean?
Or a cougar, not a cougar.
Cougar.
I've never seen a cougar in my life.
Cougar acting.
I've never seen a cougar in my life.
429, Stavros, Bobby Wants a Traxxus.
So this guy was wearing a fucking Traxxus.
Yep.
And I turned to Mr. Pizza and I go,
um, Professor Pizza, come on.
He's got a degree.
Professor?
Yeah.
My back.
But I turned to him and I go,
I wanna start doing that.
I think that's, but I don't know where to go.
Tractions?
Yeah.
Do I go to Adidas?
Where do I go?
Because I wanna look like you.
Come on.
We will talk about that.
We can't give this out over the air.
Yeah.
Go and hook you up easily.
What, there's a guy?
There's not a guy, but there's certain, you know.
Why can't you announce it here?
Come on.
Oh, you don't want to give it.
You want everyone to look, trust I can.
All right, right.
So, track suits are meant to be gate kept.
Am I gate keeping?
You're right, you know what, you're right.
Okay.
You're a man of the people.
I would say what you want to do
is you want to find a brand that works for you.
Okay.
So hit all the major.
You start basic.
A data adidas, right?
Everyone starts there.
It's the weed of track suits.
It's the gateway track suit.
It's the classic three stripe black.
And then, you know, just fucking dally around.
Try a little Puma.
Oh, Puma's elevated.
It's not elevated,
it's just a different, I would say Adidas is sort of the beginning,
it's the brand, but I feel like it's the beginning and the end.
Yeah, because run the NC did it that way.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Right, the stripes are legendary, right?
Stripes are legendary.
And no one's ever said, you're wearing Adidas,
no one's ever said that.
No, no.
Yeah, exactly, at all levels, you can do that.
And then, you know, I'm some expensive check.
Tell me.
My favorite, the ones I've been getting into right now,
and I'm just doing a free pub for them is Sergio Tachini.
I have a favorite.
How much is a, for me?
I'll take him here.
A prize.
For the whole thing, probably like, I don't know,
$300, $350.
I can do it.
I know you can be. Yeah, yeah.
And you get measured by him?
No, Sergio Tachini himself does not come to your abode.
Why?
I don't know, man.
I think I honestly don't even, I think it's a weird old tennis brand that just got into
luxury tracks.
Wow.
Yeah.
You just get a tailored, like you're worried about the bike being too long.
That's what I'm saying, because I have a weird legs.
No, but...
Tailoring is...
Anything you buy anyways, genes, you should always get tailored.
Okay, so where do I get them tailored?
Any tailored?
I don't know, okay, I'll find one.
Yeah, I'll get it tailored.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
No, I mean, no.
Google it right now.
Yeah, so you get a tailor.
You get a tailor.
Can I get tailor first and then tell them?
What do you mean?
No.
Like, these are my measurements, make it like that.
Oh, custom? Yeah, yeah. You get a custom, no? These are my measurements, make it like that. Oh, custom?
Yeah, yeah.
You get a custom, yeah, for example, again,
for the special fat rascal out right now on Netflix,
I got a custom shirt because I myself,
I don't have little legs, I have a, you know,
a one of a kind midsection, like you know what I mean?
You can't really, they're not mass producing shirts
that fit me perfectly.
So I went and got it tailored,
or I got it custom, and then I got my jeans tailored.
This is great, we're just teaching your life lesson.
No, I'm learning it.
It's a much, I don't know.
Obviously.
Yeah, right.
How did you get through life so you're such a successful man,
not knowing how to get tailored, you're 5'4".
Especially being a such a fashion boy,
because when you go get your Japanese salvage, right,
they tailor that for you over there
and you pick it up what a week after.
So you have been,
but they do it,
Sergio doesn't do it like that.
No.
If I went to a Sergio place and I wore it
and they go,
we'll do it,
come pick it up in a week,
I'll do that.
So the one extra step of having to get your own,
but he's the thing,
once you get your own tailor,
then he's your one stop shop.
Or she. I think I have a place in my neighborhood that I go take all my jeans, but he's his thing. Once you get your own Taylor, then he's your one stop shop, or she. Oh, I have a place in my neighborhood
that I go take all my jeans.
And he's your guy.
They know you.
Yeah. Wow.
Okay, that's what I'm gonna do.
Let's move on from it,
because I don't wanna talk about clothing.
What are you doing?
I like clothing.
But I wanna talk about like,
cause this guy right here,
Stavros, that's me.
I feel like you and I,
I know you're Greek. Yeah, I'm Korean. I know, that's me. I feel like you and I, I know you're Greek.
Yeah, I'm Korean.
I know, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But I feel like in the comedy world,
we might be in the same category.
Interesting.
No, I don't think so.
I mean, I mean, that, you, wait, wait, wait, wait,
you took that as if it was a bad thing.
No, no, no, I think it's not a bad thing or a good thing.
I just think we have very different styles in general.
That's not what I'm saying.
Okay.
What I'm saying in terms of just vibes.
Vibes-wise, yes, absolutely.
Yeah.
And let me just say this.
Okay, good, thank you.
I'm a bit, not only this, you are an influence.
Not only do we have them, I've been a fan forever, dude.
Oh, I go back to Mad TV.
Okay.
I don't want to make you feel old, because I know.
I am all, I look like shit.
And I'm like, when I was a child, I'm like when I was a child and it's true like I was like I was a cute little
blushing boy watching you you know Will Sassos tricking you into being gay
remember all right that was a great scam yeah yeah yeah we're we're
one of my favorite sketches of all time you know so I definitely like I and you
know and then I kept up with your career.
I kind of went out, when you started pulling your penis out,
that's when I was like, maybe this isn't for me.
He's brave.
Yeah, he's brave.
I also have a piece of me.
He's probably.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I don't really take my penis out.
I'm not gay, I don't know if that's the reason.
I didn't say you're gay, I like to express myself.
And I respect that.
Okay.
Well, so when Bert takes the shirt off,
does that scare you?
It's not scary because, no, I'll take my shirt off.
I just, I stop at the penis.
And actually, that's, I have to actually commend you
because I think what you're doing
is huge for body positivity.
Thank you. Thank you.
Because little dicks are the last,
but it's the last mountain we have to climb.
It's our Everest is showing everyone your little penis.
And you're a hero for the little dick community.
You are. You're kind of like our Rosa Parks.
You're the first one.
You're on the bus showing your little ass dick.
I gotta defend myself.
430.
J-Part and Dump.
Bobby thinks J is cute.
When I went to auditions, it was like me and a bunch of white dudes. Yeah
Right, so you know it was harder, but
I'm a survivor
Cockroach you did survive. I had to survive
Yeah, that's all you know, I mean now the fobs in K town know about you
You know what I hear your town
That was you when That was super condescending.
Now the far thing I can't tell you about you.
CJ, you know what I do?
I'm at you, dude.
No, you're not taking it.
This is my home, you're right.
You're doing a weird thing right now.
You're like, you're doing it.
I'm being real.
I'm speaking truth to you.
You can't name one.
You can't name one Jay Song.
I don't need to say.
I don't respect him because of music.
I respect him because he's a great human being.
Thank you.
And I see a soul.
Same.
And the music.
And you're false.
And you're like, oh, what's his credits?
Yeah, yeah.
Oh, you're not signed.
I'm not doing it.
You're saying I'm a cloud chaser.
That's what you're saying.
Exactly.
Bingo. Thank you. I look at a soul. And I go's what you're saying. Exactly. Bingo.
Thank you.
I look at a soul and I go, this guy's a nice soul.
Appreciate it.
He's a nice guy.
How do you know that?
Because I've hung out with him before.
Yeah, it was a soul, like, what it was the feeling you get.
What you told us earlier was a little different.
It didn't feel like it was a soul connection.
It was more like a physical interaction.
No, no, no, no.
That's a wow stuff.
That's a wow stuff. That's the same. What you said? No, no, no. Jay, no. That's a wow stuff. That's a wow stuff. That's the same.
Watch it back later.
No, no, no, no.
Jay, they're being out of pocket.
Right, so I want to say, I just said that I think that you're cute.
And the first time we hung out, we were at that club, we were sitting there, right?
And you were just doing your thing, you know what I mean?
Oh, where?
And I looked at you and I blushed.
What?
And then what else do you say? That's And I looked at you and I blushed. Oh, what?
And then what else did you say?
That's it.
You said some wild stuff.
What was the follow up?
We're not gonna have to, yes.
We're not gonna have to do that.
And I never said anything, dude.
Jay, don't fuck come on, man.
What the fuck, bro's dude?
Yeah, you're my boy, dude.
Back, that's all.
You know what I mean?
I did it as a joke.
Well, anyway, yeah.
I will say, you kind of a cloud chase.
You know, you like people with
credits and accomplished people.
100% he does.
Yeah, you do, right?
That's not so untrue.
You like accomplished people.
Well, you know, it's funny, John, that you say that.
Because I don't know, I have different areas I go into.
You know, I've been known to also go to any meetings and do other things that are outside of Hollywood.
True. And that relationship outside of Hollywood. Kalo kibu o kisalamat Vivida buko ba ni ay makapalol
Rulong ko yamado doon ba
Bum bula
Yung bukia ito ay lulong