TigerBelly - Tom Segura and The Airing of the (Superbowl) Grievances.

Episode Date: March 20, 2024

Tom Segura (Brad Pitt's bff) returns for a 3rd time and Bobby airs out his grievances with him. We chat bear attacks, Superbowl resentment, pop-city USA , Dangerous Dogs, Tyson encounter, and Arsenal elevator. Buy your TigerBelly Live tickets here! Zocdoc is a FREE app and website where you can search and compare highly-rated, in-network doctors near you AND instantly book appointments with them online. Download the app today and use code BELLY for a first deposit match up to $100! Use code BELLY for a first deposit match up to $100! PrizePicks: Pick more. Pick less. It’s that Easy! Sign up for Robinhood Gold at robinhood.com/boost by April 30th. Subscription fees apply. Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders AND two free pillows for our listeners! Go to www.helixsleep.com/belly and use code HELIXPARTNER20. This is their best offer yet and it won’t last long! With Helix, better sleep starts now.

Aloha, mahalo. We are going to play Honolulu, Hawaii, a Hawaii theater. Gilbert's the most excited about this. Friday, April 26, 2024. Door is 7 PM. Show starts at 8. You guys, we've been wanting to play Hawaii for so long, and now it's happening.

April 26 Kalala where can we get our ticket you guys can go get tickets at tiger belly live comm This is gonna be a great show. We don't do this often. So get go get your tickets now and we'll see you there It's early in the morning because this fat Peruvian guy who's supposed to do our podcast, he's coming soon, he could only do it in the morning because he's got to leave. He's got to go back to whatever his world tour or whatever. So I wake up for him, he's not even here yet, but um, you know, this fat peruvian, he's not fat anymore though, but you know, the photos from the past he was, and he's a good friend. I really like him a lot. His name is Tom Shigera, and Tom Shigera, Tom Sagura, is such a

good good dude. You like him? Of course. He's the best. He also picked you on his team. No, he did not. Okay. He did it out of, he did it out of empathy. He did it out of like, oh, I don't, I don't want to like, I'm the crippled kid in the playground. Who cares what the reasons are. He still picked you. He didn't pick you. You weren't picked last because of Tom. Second to last. Oh.

And he, and he, when he rolled it, when he smiled and picked me, it was like, he rolled his eyes like, I'll get the crippled kid. And I proved them wrong. I'll tell you that right now. I have many, many abilities that people aren't even privy to. I'm strong. I'm agile. I've got a big belly for protection for the winter, like bears do.

Revenant, yeah. You're a revenant. I am. And that's why I like you, because you and I would survive in the cold winters together. How long do you think you'd last fighting a bear? I know you die and get ripped to shreds, but how long? See, it's that attitude that baffles my mind. Let me say something, okay?

Three seconds. That's pretty good. But yours, two seconds baffles my mind. Let me say something, okay? Three seconds. That's pretty good. But yours, two seconds. Oh yeah, I would- Think about it. You don't think Lalo would be the quickest, like in terms of just escaping? No way he'd be the quickest. No.

He's faster than me. Well here's the thing that I do that people don't even- what I would do, my instinct would say you charge him first. Scare the bear. Yeah, I would go, ahhhhhh! I start running toward him. With my hand there are different rules for different bears the every rule and he opens his

mouth I jump right into the mouth I don't want Korean food right now I don't know I in that situation let's be real about it we're're camping, us four. In the morning we get out and then we see the bear and then I think we would freeze. I'm a good freezer by the way. I could freeze for about four hours straight. But can you camouflage because you wear pretty bright colors. Oh that's true. You know what, if we weren't camping I'd look like a duck hunter. Okay. I'd wear the duck hunter uniform and then I would freeze. Who's that frozen guy wearing made well? What? Who's that made well over there? Made worn. Oh that was made well. What's made well? Made well is a different shop for denim and stuff.

Yeah yeah. The joke wouldn't hit if you got it right. Okay fine made worn. Yeah yeah. But actually made well works better for this one because more people know made well than made Warren There you go. Well common people there we go. Well rich people know made Warren I think yeah You're rich So, you know, and I think bears don't count bears out Okay, maybe maybe their circles are elite Okay, maybe their circles are elite. I don't know what we're talking about, I'm so tired. Wait, so we're going camping, you freeze.

Yeah. George, what are the different rules for the different bears? I can't remember, I always try to think of this too, like what would I do with a bear? Because there's some you're supposed to run, I heard you can run downhill with some bears because they can't run downhill fast, but then you get another video on YouTube like how to

defend yourself from a bear and it says no that's a completely bogus well bear spray maybe might help I think bear spray is the only thing stay calm okay this is good this is all right in the nose stay calm that's the I do the opposite yeah and she's wearing a bright colored shirt. Yeah, a pink shirt, right? Stay calm. Fight the urge to run. That's you being frozen. Dude, my instincts are correct.

Number three, go. Three. What? Talk to the bear. Yeah, you're supposed to say, hey, bear. No way. Have you not watched any wilderness shows, you guys? Oh, alone?

Yeah, they're always saying, hey, bear. It's always, hey, bear. Talk to the bear. Well, hey, be respectful. Hey, Mr. Bear. Speaking of bear. Talk to the bear. Well hey, be respectful. Hey Mr. Bear. Speaking of bear. Speaking of yes, one of the bears. We'll go through these, we'll go through these with Tom.

All right, let's wrap this up. Don't be rude. Yeah, don't be rude, dude. No, dude. Yeah, dude, yeah, dude. Because let me say this to you. Is that as if when I'm hanging out with you, you have the beverages that I want.

You didn't make it known. I would have if I had been to your place and you were like. If you were closer to me maybe that you would know what I like. Ooh, that was deep. That was deep. That was cutting. That was cutting deep and very deep.

Let me say something. Too early to do podcasts. I never, no, I'm gonna keep going. No, way too early. Never say I have three hours of sleep. Also let me say this, okay? Fuck you. As well, you know what I mean?

Because it's bullshit. It is bullshit. And also, you don't put the head thing on? The fan thing on? No, the head gear. Oh, okay. You don't want them? Cans.

I'll wear them. Well, do you like them or no? I mean, are we gonna, do we need them for something? No, no, no, no, no. It's your style, whatever your style is. All right, then I'll go Carlisle style. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, okay, good, yeah. Tom, do you know the rules for surviving a bear attack? We're looking at now.

I've, okay. Look at me right now, don't look at that, go ahead. I dated a girl who, she was gross, no. Her family had a place in Montana. So when we went to Montana, they were like, hey, you need to know the bear rules, because this is actually a thing that could happen here. This was many years ago, and I want to say,

they go shit your pants so that they know that there's another animal there right away. Well, you try to shit. That's number one? That's number one. That's number one, you shoot as hard as you can. Not on this list, but go ahead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you don't run.

I think you try to make yourself big first, and then if the bear comes close to you, you're supposed to cover basically your ears, necks, and vitals like this in like a crouched position, that's what I remember. Is that wrong? We don't know, we're finding out. And the next day you look like Oscar Pistorio.

Your legs are gone. I just saw a video, amazingly on Instagram, of a sloth bear ripping a guy's face off. Oh man. It is fucking gnarly, dude. Which brings me to this idea and this resentment I have, okay? Okay.

Fuck the beer thing, get that out of here. None of those are on the list, by the way. None of those are on the list? No. No, you got the part, it didn't say shit to your pants. That I made up. That was not. That sounded like the most legit,

but I think make yourself big. I think it's different rules for different bears is what I've been told by bear hunters. Well, there's like, cause there are, you see, cause there's so many videos out now of people encountering bears, mountain lions and stuff. And you'll see them, like people go, ah! Yeah.

Ha! They're trying to like make the animal think that you're not passive, I guess., ah, ha, they're trying to like make the animal think that you're not passive I guess. And like kind of, you're trying to sound. I mean you're right, it says talk to bear. Well so talk, here's what's wrong with that, I'll tell you what's wrong with that. When you go to China, you see a panda,

you gotta speak Chinese baby. Oh, that's awesome, that's awesome. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. You know what I mean? That dude, honestly, you don't get a pass because that's racist. You just mocked Mandarin and it's not cool. I'm gonna say that just real quick.

You know what, pal? What? You know what, pal? There's so many things that you do that's not cool. No. All right. I mean, if you want to go down that road, I may go. And I may walk down it with you

because I'm gonna say something Okay, there's many many things that I have a list of things that you don't know as well as well. That's not true That's sort of God. That's not I'll tell you what I'll get about now then okay number one right? Yeah, I have trauma from you from me and your family And your family and I'm gonna tell you right now what it is. Okay. Do you remember the little thing? I went to Austin. I did your little fucking show The pay-per-view show whatever that thing is right? Yeah, what'd you show me a lot of fucking things. I can't get unseen a Lot of things I can't see trauma shit a fucking

Bangladeshi man getting his hand trapped in a factory fucking And then getting sucked in and body parts flying all over the fucking place. All right, you don't think that, I can't, I can't unsee that. That's fucking bullshit. Okay, I didn't think about that. Right, and you so showed me, oh, here's another one. A man sticking Christmas lights inside the penis

which ruined Christmas for me. Oh. Every year it's a fucking nightmare now, dude. Really? Yeah, because it reminds me of that. I didn't think about that. Yeah, you gotta think about all these things, dude. So what I'm saying, a man's getting his head sliced.

Wait, with the penis one, did it light up? Yes, it did light up. That's cool. Yeah, yeah. I wanna see that. You don't. We can get to the video. No, we don't.

I don't even know where you get the stuff like that. So that's number one, okay? And number two, the things I don't even know where you get the stuff like that. So that's number one. Okay. Okay. And number two, the things I don't like, the beverages thing I already said, but the second thing I want to say is how you treated me at the... Oh. What? Super Bowl. How you got treated?

How'd you get treated? Will you let me talk? See, that's another thing you do. What? You mock me like that. Okay that's another thing you do. What? You mock me like that. I'm sitting here being serious and to tell you about my resentments and then you laugh in my face.

It's fucking rude, dude. Okay, what did I- how were you treated at the Super Bowl thing? I'm gonna get there, dude. And here's another thing. I want to do it on my own time. Okay. Alright. Don't dictate the way I say things. totally true. I apologize anyway, um apologize So I'm at the whole Super Bowl thing. Um, you treated me like shit. I'll tell you how all right, so you and Bert

Well, first of all, right that day I Burk called texts me and he goes, oh, there's I have another one that came up So I can't forget about that either. So Burt texted me and he goes, hey, I'll see you at the event at 5.30. Which is like, so I fly there to do your show, thank you so much for the show. It was one of the most memorable experiences of my life. In fact, last night I ran into Trevor Wallace

and we just talked about, we were at the drug store June premiere and he pulled me aside and he goes, wow, I was the most amazing. Anyway, oh yeah, so then, but the day before you had this, so Bert goes, come to the event, I go, is it mandatory? And he goes, it's mandatory. Which I don't think it was.

It definitely was not. But Bert, after you've know him for a while, you realize that he speaks in hyperbole and half-truths and basically nothing that he says is actually factual, ever. Ever. That's interesting. Sounds a little bit like someone else we know.

Who, my dear? Say your fucking- There's no one more hyperbolic on this planet than you. You're hyperactive. Now let's see, all right, so we go to this event. And there's a football field. There's goal posts, there's an audience, and there's a whole to do. And when I show up there, I realize what it is.

It's a shame day for me. You should set it up for a shame day for me. And let me finish with my, I realize what it is. It's it's a shame day for me Is you set it up for a shame day for me? Okay, it's set up to make a mockery of you in your mind and then What ends up happening is who's the big? Surprise let me finish what I say and then you say what you're gonna say because I'm gonna tell you why it wasn't like that. And this is why I had to prove to you

that I'm a fucking butterfly. Okay, so you're picking teams, it's you and Burt, right? Who do you pick first? So, who do you pick first? But I'm gonna also say why. Old timey black guy. Oh. Right? You not pick Old timey black guy. Oh. Right?

You not pick old timey black guy. I picked a Hall of Famer. Like one of the best, whoever played, hold on, whoever played the game, who also, I happen to know, because of my fandom, that this guy, the event is punt pass kick, I happen to know that in high school

He never left the field he punted he kicked he played tight end sometimes quarterback and linebacker So he literally never left the field and it's a punt pass kick event and he's a Hall of Famer So I pick Warren Sapp first never heard of him I Know Exactly and to me he's an old-timey black guy. Yeah. Okay Warren Sapp first. Never heard of him. I know. Exactly. And to me, he's an old timey black guy. Yeah, okay.

Rickety, rickety, rickety. Yeah, sure. That's not even racist because I don't even know what that means. All right, so then Burt picks somebody. Who does Burt pick? He picks Will Compton. Oh, the Bustam, Bustam, Bustam. Bustam, the boys played nine years in the NFL.

That guy's gay. He's gay, but his practice. Will Compton, you're gay. His practice team year counts. He's an NFL, yeah, nine year vet. I'll get it. I saw the YouTube. And so, never saw it.

But my point is, okay, so then who'd you pick second? Who did I pick second? Who did I pick second? I don't remember. Exactly. Is it Joey Fatone? Did I pick Joey? No, that's in the other team.

Did I pick you? Yeah. Okay. in the other team. Did I pick you? Yeah. Okay. No. Who? Because when you picked me, can I tell you what you did? What?

You looked around, that's what you did, Dave. Oh my God. You looked around and you saw the other options, right? Yeah. And then you had a smile. Yeah. And you go, all right, Bobby.

Like one of those, like, you know what I mean? Because I don't want to hurt his feelings. Oh, that's not what I meant. You read it differently. Okay, what was it? I meant I'll pick the best option available and then the worst option and that'll be like a fun balance.

That's what I felt. Okay. Yeah, that's what, the worst option. Yeah, but then. So I got my feelings right. But your feelings, I mean, here's the thing. I also, but I got my feelings are right, but you're feeling I mean here's the thing I also went into this thinking that you would go. I don't know anything about football I don't so then it makes sense. It doesn't what doesn't make sense

It does make sense. That's a bit. You're right. Okay, okay, can I have a Red Bull? Get him a fucker right here Sweet nevermind. We're good so Now can I get to the other stuff? Yeah, yeah. The results? So, your feelings are hurt. Yes.

You're very fun on the field, by the way. Thank you. You're a natural entertainer. Everybody, like you're doing stuff, everyone's laughing. Exactly. Yeah, you're very much contributing, you're a huge bonus to the team. Exactly.

Then we get into like the event which is punt the ball pass and try to kick field goals, which are very difficult and He punts fairly well throws like a like a handicapped kid, but then when it comes to Okay, what you just did there was start a war Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. What you just did there was start a war. Don't do this yet. You score, you score. Okay, I got three hits, fuckface.

Bro, I'm just. Check this out, this is good. No, I'm just saying that you're throwing, like it's clear you don't know how to throw a football, but you still were able to hit the target. He hits one. Okay. You got points right there.

So here's the thing. Okay. The whole time where we're like, oh, like this, you know, the special needs kid is gonna be funny to watch. All of a sudden, is a gamer, and he starts, he starts racking up points, punting, passing, and then the big thing where I was like, you don't understand,

I've been to these before, I've been on real fields where like athletes try to kick field goals, and they're like, because it's something that if you're not in the regular practice of doing it, sometimes like former experienced soccer players can do it, because they're so used to kicking, but most people aren't used to the idea that it's essentially like someone's holding a football

with their finger on one end of it and you're kicking it through an upright, it's just not an easy thing to do. Like even players who play other positions will be like, I can't do it. He goes up there. What? Kicks it.

You're telling it wrong. But you do kick it. You're telling it wrong. But you do kick it. You're telling it wrong. How am I telling it wrong? ZockDock for your health. ZockDock for your mind. ZockDock is a free app and website when you can search and compare highly rated in-network doctors near you and instantly book appointments with them online. It's the most convenient thing known to man because your health is the most important thing.

Am I not right, Kalyla? Yeah and we get reviews for food, for restaurants, for just about everything else. Why not from our own doctors? Exactly how I feel. And once you find the doctor that you want, you can book them immediately, no more waiting awkwardly on hold with a receptionist. And plus all of these stocks have verified reviews from actual patients, real patients. And we're talking about booking appointments with tens of thousands of top rated patient reviewed credible doctors and specialists. You can filter specifically for ones who take your insurance or

located near you and treat basically any condition you are searching for. The typical wait time to see a doctor booked on ZocDoc is between 24 to 72 hours. That's it. You can even score same day appointments. Go to ZocDoc.com slash belly and download the ZocDoc app for free then find and book a top rated doctor today. That's Zoc.com slash belly zocdoc.com slash belly. Prize picks! Football season may be over but the action on the floor is heating up whether it's tournament season or the fight for playoff home court there's no shortage of high stakes basketball moments this time of year get in on the excitement with prize picks America's number one fantasy sports app when you can turn your hoops knowledge into serious cash. You can now win up to a hundred times your money on PricePix with as little as

four correct picks. You can turn ten dollars into a thousand dollars with NBA, NHL, and college basketball entries today on PricePix, America's number one fantasy sports app. PricePix is the best way to get action on sports in more than 30 states across the country, including California, Texas, and Georgia. I like the way you said action. PricePix even offers injury insurance so that your entries stay in play. Even if one of your players gets injured for basketball games, if you have a player who exit the game in the

first half and does not return it in the second. The player projection won't count against you and the rest of your entry stays alive. Okay Bobby so you know how price picks works right? Like I played all the time what you talking about? I know and what's great about it is that you don't necessarily need to like understand the ins and outs. And so for example like this week on PriceBix I know you're picking Steph Curry for more than 29 points for sure right? Yeah the Nikola Javakic for more than 10 rebounds you know. And what about Anthony Davis for more than two blocks? And Damien Illillard for more than 43

pointer made. Well you get the the point. It's very easy. You either choose or you can either predict that they will score above that or below that. Put in your entry and just like that, you can win a lot of money. Download the app today and use code BELLY for a first deposit match up to $100. Use code BELLY for a first deposit match up to $100. Prize picks. Pick more, pick less. It's that easy

you're telling it wrong how am I telling it wrong oh why do you tell stories wrong you're a good storyteller but I'm not telling it wrong I'm not telling it wrong why in this circumstance I'm not telling it wrong that's still is that skill lacking I'm why in this circumstances when you're talking about the story of my life, it's lacking. I'm gonna tell you how it went down. I'm telling you that what I said about- The old timey black man comes up to me.

But, oh, hold on. You have to point this out, the old timer used to actually do that on the, that's a bullshit setup. The regulation size is higher and further back. Oh, there you go No, I'm saying it's here. We are That was regulation size. Yeah All right, so anyway the

Warren's shop comes at me. You are in shaft. Yeah, Warren shaft There is yeah, there is There I am. So Warren shaft comes up to me. He goes kid kiddo. Yeah, there is. Yeah, there is. So Warren Schaaf comes up to me and he goes, kiddo. Yeah. I go, okay, what's up? He goes, this is how you do it, right? Yeah. Put the ball down, take three steps back,

then follow through the three steps and kick it. I do it, it hits the ground, goes to the left. Then the guy goes, oh, that was a practice. Gotta get two, right? I go, hey, old timey. I go, stop, I'm not doing it that way. And he goes, no, that was a practice. Gotta get two, right? I go, hey, old timey. I go, stop, I'm not doing it that way. And he goes, no, you're doing it. I go, no, watch what I do.

Right, so I put the thing down, I take 50 steps back, and I run toward it a little bit. Pick, you had some speed behind you. Some speed behind it. And then I was focused, I got it on thing. And let me say something too. You're a captain, captain right on my team Aren't you supposed to make one

Yeah Aren't you a leader? And I also he didn't do one. There's a there's another layer to that Okay, because their team had the other team had five participants and we had four Because their team had the other team had five participants and we had four We got to have one person go twice and who was that my friend to old-timer came up to me And he goes let me get that second chance And I said Okay, you're a fucking Hall of Famer

And he didn't do it did he and he missed he missed on but he both missed on all of it Yeah, wow Bobby, what an MVP. Thank you. And then everybody, here's the other thing, we went out to dinner later. Oh, okay, that's a good thing. That was a good thing, oh thank you, thank you, thank you. That was a good thing.

I really appreciate that. And the dinner was great. Not just great, I have to say, vocally and publicly, that it was the top three in terms of steak houses of my whole life. I've been to thousands of steak houses. Which one did you go to? I went to Bizarre Meats.

Oh. Josie Aldy. José Andrés. José Andrés, yeah. And I gotta tell you what we ate. Yeah. This one thing came out and it was like a cotton candy. Foie gras cotton candy, yeah.

Yeah, so it's got a stick, it's got the cotton candy, I go, desserts are up front? What is this place, right? It stuck it in my mouth, in the middle is like a meaty, sweetie, delicious foie gras. It changed my life internally and physiology-wise. Jose's a genius, yeah. You know him? Yeah, Jose's a genius. Yeah, you know him. Yeah He's a genius this guy knows everybody's wait. So why was this a terrible weekend? It sounds like you he set you up for success. Not only that the whole dinner is 14 15 of us at this dinner

Everybody they go this chat and everyone's having another conversation and everybody stops and they go MVP is here Everybody starts chanting MVP, MVP, MVP. Yeah. Mm-hmm. Oh, this is the best weekend of your life. I just said that already. But you. But can I, I'll say that, I'm gonna,

I just, you know, not all weekends are perfect. So I'm just laying out the things that could have made it even better. Sure. Right, and here's another thing that you, this is like later, it's a later sabotage. Okay. Okay, trailer man, what's his name

with the fucking food court? Roy Choi. Roy Choi, yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. This deceiver of almighty, this guy from the fucking old school Chinese republic, dude. I'm sorry, this guy. I thought he was Korean. Whatever he is, whatever Choi Chinese Republic, dude. Sorry, this guy.

I thought he was Korean. He's your guy. Whatever Choi Choi is, man. I'll tell you this guy, man. He was telling that story at the club. He told me off camera and then on camera. Yeah, yeah, on camera. And yeah, and he has that story diabolically wrong, dude.

I'll tell you that right now. Careful what you say, because I can tell you that right now careful what you say because I can actually confirm that Roy Choi is right and I have the text to prove it no okay this is great this is great first time first let's say I also message you with David Chang I met great one yeah and I message you with him and he was also this dude with you yeah he's another messaged you with him and he was like... Can I also this, dude, with you? Yeah. Here's another thing with you, dude.

Yeah? And we've talked about this before. Why is it that you have this, like, no matter where we are, if there's a Chinese guy carrying luggage, whatever job they have, he always goes, hey, let's talk, man. Like, we're going to go, oh yeah, it's Philip Yang from the meeting or whatever, right? You do that, you send me a voicemail, and also fucking videos of like, hey I'm at the airport

and I ran into this Asian guy, do you know him? It's insane. So anyway, so then you, and then everybody that you have all your podcasts is Asian, you send me videos. Like I'm with your friend, right? And so, David Ching was fine, right? It's great, he's fantastic, yeah. Love him.

But Roy Choi, okay, I'm gonna say this, okay? And fuck you, bitch. Fuck you, man. All right? So, Roy, fucking sweet, awesome dude. Best, the best. The best, and we're at Best Friend, his place dude. Best, the best. The best, and we're at Best Friend, his place is the. Also the best.

MGM, it's at MGM Park, Park MGM. Yeah, Park MGM. And he also opened a food truck there now. Him and Jon Favreau opened one in Park MGM that is like inspired, I think, by part of the film, the chef film that he made. Dude, un-fucking-real man, dude unfucking real so we're we're hanging out we're making food in his kitchen for a Burt's something burning show and

and then you know you come up and He's like he's like fucking love. He goes. I love Bobby and I was like, yeah He's coming he's doing the show tomorrow because he had to fly out I was really coming to show every time I'm that you I ate there two months ago to yeah at friend, right? Mm-hmm Never showed up Well, he never showed up. He might not have been in Vegas though doesn't matter but also he took care of your entire bill That's true Okay, that's it. I'm not a liar. Okay, and I. And I'm gonna agree with everything that's real right now.

I'm scrolling through the text message. So we told him, we're like, Bobby's on the show tomorrow. You know, and then he's like, he goes, I'm leaving right, I'm flying out right after this otherwise I would go. And then he goes, oh, he goes, you wanna know something about Bobby? He goes, he fucking big time me. That's awesome.

I go, what are you talking about? He goes, I'm at this party. And then he says it on camera He goes but like he goes I walk up and I'm like, what's up, man? And he goes not right now He goes like I'm a fan and I'm like Bobby is he's like a like I'm a little I'm doing my own thing man That's please tell me there's another version There isn't another version. I hope there's oh you fucking tell me tell me go ahead. There isn't another version I have. Oh, you fucking idiot. Well, tell me, tell me, go ahead. Tell your version.

Stop scrolling, by the way. There's nothing that you're gonna find that's gonna. She already found it, go ahead. All right. Let's cut to the scenario. Did that happen at a coffee bean or a Starbucks? I'm asking you a question. I don't know.

Yeah, did it happen on a park bench on a sunny day? Right? No. It happened at Jay Park's rowdy, dark club party in Koreatown. It's fucking midnight, dude. Right? Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

So many Asians. That's, yeah. Right, so I'm gonna say something. When I see Asians in the wild, right? Yeah. They're mixed with whites, blacks, and Mexicans. Yeah. And sometimes the other colors, okay?

And so I can, do do do do do, right? Yeah. Identify, process, right? Yeah, like, ah. But in a club, only Korean club, only Asians, it's like walking into a house of mirrors. It could have been a different shaped person of me. Yeah, yeah.

I'm looking at them, right? I don't know what's going on. It's almost like. My computerized filter in my mind, like the terminator thing, is working so. Duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, duh, you know what I mean? And like grabbing shots and analyzing, right? So there's so much of that going, right? is working so, d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d- I've never heard of it. In the dark, I'm sitting there in the darkness, dun, dun, right, and look up,

and I don't even look at the person. Yeah. I'm being real. I don't even look at the person. He's like, hey. I go, not right now, man. Oh. I'm gonna say this right now.

Asian sometimes look the same. Wow. Wow, you heard it, you heard it first. Don't you have like a horn drop or something? No, in the darkness, in the darkness, they kind of do. So like- But all white people look the same in the darkness. There we go.

But he had a moment of dread. So he goes into his car after the party and he calls me and he's like, I think I fucked up. I'm like, what happened? He's like, I think Roy Choi like tried to say hi to me and I was really rude. I think Roy Choi tried to say hi to me and I was really rude. So wait, does that mean to take what you're saying right now that you have a realization within moments that it's him?

Like how? No, he goes, it's Roy Choi. Oh, okay, okay. It wasn't a realization. It's me, the chef. So wait, and then when he says that, what do you do? And then I look at him, oh fuck, yeah you are. Okay. Of course. Wait, but then you do? And then I look at him, oh fuck, yeah you are.

Of course. Wait, but then you call me. Oh my God, I swear. And then you say. I will end the podcast permanently if you don't watch your fucking mouth right now. You say, Kalyla, you have to do me a huge favor, you have to fix this for me.

I'm like, what do I have to fix? And you said, please, please text Roy Choi and tell him how sorry I am. And I'm really embarrassed. So here's the correspondence between me and Roy. This is so good. I said, Hey chef, Bobby said he saw you the other night at dumb's event, but didn't realize it was you until he got in the car and that he's very sorry. That's not why. What, you said that? I was trying to fix it for you.

But that's wrong. But you were, I was given limited information. I didn't realize it later. Are you on your mind? And then Roy says this. He almost punched me because he thought I was a fan trying to be on his shit. Feels like we need to go back to the story for a second.

Did you get violent? This isn't house comedy or whatever you're doing. What's it? Mom's house? Your mom's house. Your mom's house, all right? Yeah. It's not that. All right?

You're at Tiger Belly, dude. All right? I'm the captain. All right? When we leave here, you're the captain. I'll give you that, right? But in here, dude, don't talk to me like that. So, um. So, did you.

What'd you say? So, did you get violent, though? Violent? He said you almost punched me. That's insane. And then I said, oh no, haha, you're super embarrassed. He wanted me to tell you. Did he want to, he was embarrassed?

No, I said you were embarrassed. Bobby, you were freaking out on the phone. You were like, I fucked up, I fucked up. Yeah, exactly. Did he respond to that? Was he like, oh, he's good? Yeah, he's all good. Roy, if you're listening, Roy, if you're listening, all right, number one, if it was,

and I'm gonna say, if it was Brian T, Sung Kang, I'm just rattling off Asian dudes I know, right? Yeah. Peter, I rattling off Asian dudes I know, right? Peter, I don't know, Rick Yoon, right? Jackie Chan. I'm just giving you a- What is it with you people? Jackie Chan. I'm just trying to give you another name.

Go ahead. It's like, what do people bring up Jackie Chan? So there was no apology really in between and you were like, I wanna go eat at his restaurant and he then took care of you despite the fact that you almost punched him. Fine, everything's fine. I'm sorry Roy, I gotta say, number one, all right,

it was a great time at your restaurant. Number two, I'm a huge fan. Number three, no, this is real. And number three, I, yeah, I'll make it up to you. That's all I can say. And I don't wanna talk about this anymore. So anyway, so that you did that, what else. That's all I can say. And I don't want to talk about this anymore. So anyway, so you did that. What else?

That's it. That's what I was talking about. Here's the good things you've done. Okay. You've invited me to things I really appreciate. I really do. You did Hawaii too. You had me do a show with you in Hawaii.

That was a magical night. How about that pop when you got up there? That was pretty crazy. Pop City USA, dude. It was Pop City. Yeah. And then the pop in Vegas was. Not as big as Shane's, but good pop.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, thank you for bringing that up. That's another resentment. Here's another resentment. Thank you for bringing that up. Here's another resentment. Let me ask you something, bud.

No, don't, I'm sorry. I mean, I just have these feelings. Yeah. Let me ask you something. Yeah? I show up, so I show up Saturday. Big show, 14,000, 15,000 people. Line up is you and Burke Reicher, Trevor Wallace, me and Shane Gillis doing guest spots.

What a great show. Great show. Lady comes up to me and she says, all right, so here's the order, Trevor, Shane, you, and then the boys. And I go, interesting. This is Saturday night? Before the show.

No, this is Friday. Oh, Friday. Friday, because remember I asked you, I got on my hands and knees and I begged you. I already changed it. No, no, no. Remember I begged you? Yes.

Okay. But in my mind, I'm like, oh, no, no. Remember I begged you? Yes. Okay. But in my mind I'm like, oh this seemed like a good thing, like come on down to Vegas, right? They're gonna love you. But then they put me after the man who's right now in the comedy Zeitgeist, and in everybody's Zeitgeist.

He's having a moment. He's having a moment in his career, right? I'm a huge Shane Gillis fan, good friend, and you have me follow him in front of 15,000 people. Let me ask you something real quick, okay? What is your thinking behind that? I think you're strong, and I don't think it would be a problem for you.

Okay, yeah, interesting. Can I ask you another question, my friend? Sure. You heard my pop, right? What? I heard your pop. Yeah, yeah. You hear his?

Yeah, I heard his pop. Yeah, yeah. And just be realistic, let's not lie to each other because we were friends and stuff. Okay. His is bigger. He had a good pop. Yeah.

That's just a poop. I felt the energies of historical men and women, right? Throughout time, run through my body. It was to the point, his pop was to the point where he had to tell the crowd that it was making him uncomfortable. I know. And he was clearly shaken by it for the first minute

of his set. Yeah, it was, because I'm the one that brought him up. Yeah. So when I said his name. And he also said he has a special out called Dangerous Dogs. It's not? It's called Beautiful Dogs. So we were all laughing about that in the hallway.

It's a joke. But here's the thing. But here's the thing. When you came up to me and you said, I wanna switch that order, I was like, yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't a big thing. It wasn't a big thing at all? I think I got on my hands and knees too early. I think you made it.

I should've asked first. Yeah. Yeah, I went to blow job first. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, I shouldn't have asked for it. Yeah, but went to blow job first. Yeah. Yeah, I was like, I should have asked for it. Yeah, but you was clearly easy. Really easy. Made me feel like a coward, but fuck it.

In those circumstances, I don't care. It doesn't matter. You still, let's just say this. Instead of, you know, what is it? Comparison is the thief of joy. Of joy. Yeah, you had a crazy pop. They didn't know you were on the show.

You had a crazy pop. No, it was, you know, I'll be honest with you, Tom. Tom. Tom, Tom. Tom, Tom. I'll just be real for a second. I've had a tough, last year was the toughest year of my life. And I needed it.

And I'll tell you why, because sometimes you do your own shows, and I know that my fans are coming. But not necessarily, I think we cross fans, but I think we don't sometimes too. Sure. Yeah, yeah. And the cheer that I got from the people was just so gracious, and they were truly excited

to see me, I remember walking to the stage. And you can't even really, you can't even comprehend, because let's be honest, before podcasting, I was a 300 seat, 500 seat club guy. And the most I would get is Schomburg Improv, which is like 550 or 600, which is huge for me. When I used to sell it out, I was so grateful. You know what I mean?

But this was, when you're doing it, you can't really, if you realize what's going on, it might freak you out, actually. Yeah. So there's something, you compartmentalize. Is that the right? Got it. Yeah, you're doing a stand up

in front of a basketball arena. Yeah. So you kind of go, you got to figure it out. And then I go, and then once you hit the stage, you go, I think I know how to do this. And you killed. I did, I did great. You killed.

Yeah, but I really needed that pop, and it was really, really, you know, in fact, let's get to the good things you've done for me, man. Okay. You know, you, because we've talked about when I first met you at Oddball, and you did that thing for me when you picked me up

and stuff, right, we were talking about that, but you know, ever since then, and I would have to say that with Bert as well, you guys have just been so nice to me. I've been nice to you guys too. I mean, it's just been an easy fit, you know? And you know, me and Andrew, we talk about you guys all the time.

It's always in a, like, never in a competitive manner. It was always in like our brothers, you know what I mean? There's never anything like that. It's like... Do you know that even if you have a 401k for retirement, you can still have an IRA? Robinhood has the only IRA that gives you a 3% boost on every dollar you contribute

when you subscribe to Robinhood Gold. But get this, now through April 30th, Robinhood's even boosting every single dollar you transfer in from other retirement accounts with a 3% match. That's right, no cap on the 3% match. Robinhood Gold gets you the most for your retirement thanks to their IRA with a 3% match. This offer is good through April 30th. Get started at robinhood.com slash boost.

Subscription fees apply and now for some legal info claim as of quarter one, 2024, validated by radius global market research investing involves risks, including loss, limitations applied to IRAs and 401ks. 3% match requires Robinhood gold for one year from the data. The first 3% match must keep Robinhood IRA for five years. The 3% matching on transfers is subject to specific terms and conditions. Robinhood IRA available to US customers in good standing. Robinhood financial LLC member SIPC is a registered broker dealer. It's Helix Sleep! You guys I live

in a tiny house but I have three bedrooms all of them are furnished with a Helix Sleep mattress because my guests and my family that sleep at my house only get the best. I want them to sleep on a Michelin star type of a bed. Luxury only. Luxury only. For the people that we love including ourselves and what I love about Helix is that they have 20 different types of mattresses to match with both your sleeping style and for someone like me say for instance I'm a side sleeper, but I also run hot so I got matched with a midnight mattress But then I had the option to upgrade to the Lux which is so plush and I'm telling you guys like I'm someone who sleeps

No less than eight hours a day ten on a good day And if ten hours out of ten hours a day out of my life, that's like a third of my life, it has to be on luxury mattress. Dude, exactly what I was not even talking about in the first place. You know, Helix knows that everybody is unique and everyone sleeps differently. That's why Helix has several different mattress models

to choose from, each designed for specific sleep positions and field preferences. Don't take our word for it. Bobby, did you know that Helix has been awarded the number one mattress pick by GQ? And Wired Magazine. Is that what you're going to say? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It's even recommended by multiple leading chiropractors and doctors of sleep medicine

as a go-to solution for improving your sleep, man. That's why I recommend it to everybody. If you have spinal difficulties or even if you're regular, you know what I mean? You're going to sleep well. Helix is offering 20% off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners Go to helix sleep comm slash Bell and use the code helix partner 20 This is their best offer yet and it won't last long with helix better sleep starts now There's never anything like that it's like it's interesting to me that you would think that in this game that you would, you know, because comedy back in the day,

they would pit us against each other. They hated each other more. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, we were just talking about this in terms of how men have changed since the like 80s and 90s to now, because we were talking about sports. Because a lot of people, even if you don't follow it,

I think you can grasp this concept that like it like for instance in the NBA Yeah, they used to all fucking hate each other's guts for real Yeah They hated each other the Pistons hated the Bulls Lakers hated the Celtics and like they weren't fucking friends Right. So the competition was more fierce which for sports, it's kind of more entertaining to be like, fuck you, I hate you, I hope we kick your fucking ass. And now all those guys are like, we are in comedy, they're like buddies, which is kind of weird for sports.

Like they're like, they hug each other, they go out to dinner, they go to each other's birthday parties, they hang out in the summer together. For sports though, you watch it and you're like, yeah, this is why this competition isn't as fierce. But it's actually a cool thing for what we do because we're in the arts basically, right? So the fact that we're all, I mean,

there's people who still hate each other, but a lot of us just like prop each other up. Like we celebrate each other. And I think it's better for our world to have that relationship than the I fucking hate you thing. That's interesting. For you guys to go, we're gonna bring in killers. Yeah.

You mean to open for us, essentially. Here's the thing, it's a thousand percent better for the show. There's like people, their insecurities overwhelm them sometimes and they go like, I wanna bring somebody who kinda sucks or who's okay and then I'll look good. Doesn't actually work that way. Like you bring in killers and then your whole show,

people remember your show. Like if you put that show together, they're like, that's your show. It's so smart what you're doing. It's so smart and it's like, that's why you do it. Like I've done it for you, they're like, that's your show. It's so smart what you're doing. It's so smart. And it's like, that's why you do it. Like I've done it for you. I did Canada with you.

Like we haven't even talked on this podcast since then. Yeah, yeah. So I did that Canada run for you. Which was so fun. Oh, so fun. Yes. And then. We should also say that like,

everybody in my crew had never met anybody like Bobby. What do you mean, what did I do? Within five minutes, they're like, what the fuck is this guy? What do you mean, what'd I do? Within five minutes they're like, what the fuck is this guy? What do you mean, what'd I do? You were just being yourself. I didn't do anything. I was being normal.

No, your normal's way different. Like, what do you mean, what, like, I'm being real. That kinda hurts me. You know what I mean, like I'm some sort of like, some wild man, you know? No,'s like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like,

it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it. And we have coming up, that's announced already. Yeah, I'm gonna do the nightmare gigs with you.

Yeah. Are they all outside? They're all, okay, they're outdoors, but one's a stadium, a couple are proper amphitheaters, and then a couple are like actual like airfields. Yeah, because I'll tell you why, when I saw the poster, because I had already done the one in Winnipeg, but remember the other, oh great.

One of them's 25,000 seats. Let's go, let's go Bobby. It's gonna be wild. Outside though. Yeah. How can they go inside? I don't know, it's a baseball stadium. And you're good at that?

I don't know if I'm good at that. Because the laps go into the air. I don't know, it's a baseball. And you're good at that? I don't know if I'm good at that. Because the laughs go into the air. I think it's good to have big shows under your belt leading up to shows like that, you know what I mean? Because that's its own thing. So you should do another run with me before. Tom, do you think that sports has also changed since coaches are now more aware about like,

you know, being like not abusive towards athletes? Do you think that maybe the era of Olympic coaches like, what's her name? Like Martha Corelli, like when she would just be, I think she would like beat the shit out of her gymnast or something. It's totally different. Yes. But do you think that era was better because of it? For the sport? the Corelli like when she would just be, I think she would like beat the shit out of her gymnast or something. It's totally different, yes. But do you think that era was better because of it? For the sport, yes.

Oh yeah. Here's the difference, is that, okay, we've evolved in that people are aware of like mental health. And like athletes come out and they go, this is what I'm going through, right? And I need to talk to somebody or I need to deal with this which is 100% how you should handle that. Yeah for longevity. I think yeah like not early burnout and just like for humanity That's a better thing right somebody being like I'm feeling this way

Yeah, you know, it's it's definitely better to share that and get that out and deal with it and help the person. In that era of the 80s, they'd be like, what are you, fucking gay? Like, suck it up. And then they just would basically bury your fucking feelings and run. And that was like the, which is like, it's not good for the person,

but it might be good for them during the course. You know what I mean? It was just like, deal with your shit on your own. Because they didn't have awareness. They didn't know, to be fair to like the coaches and even the players of that era, they didn't know how to even articulate, I'm going through something. Right. I need to deal with it. And I think that at that time too, like you would see athletes at most do two Olympics and then they'd be gone. Because I think that they just time too, like you would see athletes at most do two Olympics and then they'd be gone.

Yeah. Because I think that they just couldn't tolerate much more than eight years of an athletic career. Versus now you have like the Tom Brady's who are just like going on and on into their 40s. It's insane. And still performing at a very high level. The LeBron thing is really crazy.

Crazy. LeBron is actually, I mean, the fact that he's 38, I think he's 38 turning 39, that he's still, like most guys when they have long NBA careers, what they do is their style of play changes. So like a really, he's a, it would be like in the really athletic category, your athleticism starts to fade naturally.

So your game has to change you have to start playing a different style of game because you don't have the explosiveness you had right you're talking to me it's all the same thing Ryan gigs and Paul Scholes were in their label mid-30s that they played for menu but they they became more midfield like defensive guys exactly there but you know even during that time because I was in the 90s, right, with Sir Alex Ferguson? Yeah. Brutal though. Brutal, that's what I'm saying. Like imagine, I bet you anything they would have played well into

their 40s. But, and also imagine in the 70s and 80s, the people that would have flourished, that we don't know about them, because like for me, I don't respond well when it's pressure and it's not fun and people are yelling at me. You're not gonna get the best out of me. That's all I respond to. I know, because you're crazy. But in the 70s and 80s, but you're a great person and thank you so much.

Thank you so much for being here. And I really enjoy you. But in the 70s and 80s, there was probably guys, you know what I mean, that could have survived if it was more of a supportive atmosphere and they could have flourished. For sure, I mean, what I was saying, I'm not saying like go back to that or whatever,

I'm just saying essentially it wasn't about like whether or not you can perform in those things, it's just that it created this like contempt between people that actually kind of, it made the competitions more exciting. It was like Russia, USA, right? Like Larry Bird, Patrick Johnson. Maybe even more like high stakes.

It made it more high stakes, yes. Because it was like, yeah, hostile. Yeah. And like, and back to your point, it was like comedy. Like you talked to like the old timers about like, nobody was happier for anybody. And I do think that's changed. I do think people celebrate other,

not saying that everybody does, but people like you're saying go like, oh, so and so got this, or is their careers popping? People are genuinely happy for them sometimes. Are you sometimes not happy? No, I'm saying that- Sometimes you're not happy, huh? No, I think I'm pretty happy, dude.

You never look at a guy and go, why is that guy getting that? I don't get, I don't have like that type of like anger about it. I have the, I have the thing that I think is natural where I've walked into rooms, like walked into a comedy store, main room, OR or whatever, seen somebody,

this applies to everybody on earth though, seen somebody killing and just being like, I don't get it. Like I don't, I don't get why everyone's laughing, but that's just a subjective thing where I go, it's not for me. You know what I mean? I just, I don't get it. Which is fine.

But you understand, I mean, I don't find that brand of humor my thing, but you still understand, I kinda understand why maybe. When they're acting out. What happens is that you go, I understand, there's people you go, I understand that this person is proficient. It's not for me, but I understand that I watch it and I go, this is good structure, this is good joke writing,

the punch lines are there. I understand it cerebrally. I intellectually can see what's going on. It's just doing nothing for me internally. I'm not doubling over. It's just not for me. But that's also, I think, pretty normal. I think that's a good point.

I think that's a good point. I think that's a good point. I intellectually can see what's going on. It's just like doing nothing for me internally. I'm not doubling over, it's just not for me. But that's also, I think, pretty normal. It's normal. I have another question to ask you. What's Brad Pitt like? You guys are homies? He is...

I know, dude. I've never met him and I'm doing this like... Yum, yum, yum yum yum yum yum Can I tell you the truth he's a lot like you What do you mean he has He walks in the room and everybody's like no Yeah, and they get like and then he disarms everybody.

But in a pretty, not in a big way, just in a very. His own way. His own way. Yeah. Yes, his own way of doing it. I know that he's a comedy fan because. He loves stand up. Yes, he loves stand up.

He's also, I have to say this, he did a Coen Brothers movie, it's called. Burn After Reading. Burn After Reading after reading. Yeah And my brother and I still think it's the one of the greatest comedy performances in in in movies The thing is yeah, he plays that he was like a right this place You know, I mean that's the thing about him is like, you know, he's been the the like Just the center of attention. Oh, yeah

And it's for for so, and it's always been like kind of a looks first thing, everyone's just like, this guy's gorgeous. Dude is fucking unreal actor. Like he is a tremendous actor. Oh dude, I think he's in my top three. I mean he, when I saw him, even in seven, when he was younger, right, there was some choices

he made in that movie that was like, oh that was a cool choice. You know what I told him? I told him that I was like, I remember There was some choices he made in that movie that was like, oh, that was a cool choice. You know what I told him? I told him that I was like, I remember. Like I vividly remember. For me, it was seventh grade. And he had become like the it guy, right? Magazines and every girl was like Brad Pitt, Brad Pitt.

And my sister was like, you know, we love going to the movies and like, let's go to the movies. I was like, okay, where are we gonna go see? And he's like, this new Brad Pitt. And I was like, I don't wanna see that fucking guy. Like, I don't care whether you're gonna finger yourself in the theater or whatever. That shit.

Tristan, Legends of the Fall. That was it. That was it, right? That was it. And like, it was the long hair and I'm like, this shit is so gay. I don't wanna see this shit. And I went in and I sat next to her

and the movie starts and I'm watching it. And then I like Some point during like the third act she looks over me and she goes are you crying and I was like you fucking bitch Like tears Because it was is it the scene where he has to pull Samuel out of the barbed wire and he's like It was I think it was when his he when he had found out that his brother had died. Yeah, they went to war with Samuel and then Samuel, some smoke went off

and then Samuel got stuck in the barbed wire and he had to pull his brother out. Yeah, thanks, I've never seen the movie. Yeah, well, I think it was also the first time I cried in a movie. That was a really sad scene. That had an imprint, that imprinted on me too. Yeah, and I was like, yeah, so that's when I started

to think you were a pretty good actor. Yeah, yeah. But so when you first met her, you weren't nervous or? Yeah, yeah, we were all nervous. What would your opening line be? Honestly, I'll be honest with you, it's like, I don't know if I could ever meet him. There's just-

You think that? No, for sure. There's like 10 people in life I don't ever wanna meet. I'll tell you one. Tell me. And this is why I did this. I was shooting The Dictator in New York, I've talked about this before,

and I was staying at the SoHo Trump Hotel in SoHo, I guess. Big flex, I guess. Big flex. Go ahead. Well, I didn't tell you where it is. Okay, okay. Right? So, I don't know if you know this about me, but I'm a huge soccer fan. I didn't know that, that you were a huge soccer fan.

Oh, I'm obsessed with, I've always been obsessed with Arsenal FC. Arsenal's your squad? Yeah. Really? I know everything about the team and the history of it. Really? Oh yeah, I watch every game. And I was-

Have you gone? You've gone to a game there? No, no, no, I haven't. This is insanity. You're insane. Anyway- What the fuck? Have you not gone to a game?

I don't wanna go. It's the same thing of why I'm about to tell you what I'm about to tell you. See, for me, it's like, it's a fantasy. Life is a fantasy. Yeah. There we go. Right? And I was in the elevator.

This is like pornography. Huh? Pornography is a fantasy. Yeah, they're two different fantasies. No, no, but that's the thing. I guess you're right. It's a, it's a, the reality of that situation is not the same as the fantasy.

Exactly. Yeah. So I'm in the elevator and it's about to close and I see a black hand stick through. Ooh. What? Can I guess who? Can I guess who? Then the elevators open back up. Yeah. Who? Henri. Yes. I never told you the story. No. Yeah. Yeah. Really? I've talked to, I've talked to, they talked about it in other places.

So he walks in and I've never been like this. I shut down. Like all the moisture from my mouth and my neck disappear. And I want to say things. But then also like I want to be cool too. So those two things are conflicting. That's high pressure in an elevator, I think. That's also, you know, the big thing is here.

There's the element of surprise. That's right. I had no idea I would run it. Thank you. For my Brad meeting, two days before, they're like, I think Brad's coming. The day before, they're like, I think Brad's probably coming. The day of, they go, the security checked it out. Brad is coming.

10 more minutes. He'll be here. He parked. He's being like, you know what I mean? So you have the OK, OK, like the anticipation. Are you practicing? Yeah, yeah, totally., okay, the anticipation. Are you practicing? Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah, what do you say, what do you say?

So I'm in the green room at the Wiltern. Yeah. And so, should I be sitting, should I be standing? Wow, wow, wow, wow. Pacing, there's a Laker game on, I remember that, and then there's music, and then I'm just like, should I be over here, should I be over there? And then I'm just going like, I be over here? Should I be over there? And then I'm just going like,

it's not that, I don't like it. Like I'm practicing hellos and stuff. And then, yeah, and then when he walked in, he was, I was like, oh hey, what's up? I did like a totally normal what's up. And he was like, and then you know, he introduces himself, which is always funny with a very famous person. Hey Brad, and I was like, I know.

So, yeah, but then you know, shake hands, and then he's like, oh, he was was like this is what you do like before a show You just like watch a game Listen to music and I go yeah. He's like you don't need to like practice. I was like no Like yeah, I've been on tour for fucking 20 months. Yeah, I know how it goes Yeah, and then he was just like he just hung out He was just very normal hung out and so what I saying, yeah, I had the pre-meeting anxiety. I think knowing that it's happening

is different than a surprise. And then the very famous person, it's almost on them to disarm everybody else, right? Like Joey Diaz told me the story of when he did a movie with De Niro, and like you know he's gonna be in the scene, and then you're like seated, and he's actually seated in it,

and when they're like blocking the scene, you know, De Niro walks in, and he goes, I just looked up at him, and he goes, I just kind of was like, and De Niro was like talking to somebody else, put his hand on Joey's shoulder, and he goes, it's okay, it's okay. Aw.

Like that, told him, it's okay. I know what you're doing right now and it's okay. And then he was like, and then da da da da. And then he was able to get through. But he goes, at first I was just like. Yeah. Like fucking staring at him. Yeah, yeah.

Like Joe, I remember when Sebastian told me that when he did that Scorsese movie, after the scene, Joe Pitcher goes, come to my trailer, I'll have dinner. Right, and then Sebastian's like, okay, you know what I mean? And there's like a chef in there, in a trailer making him dinner, those magical moments. And Joe's like, was so like generous and kind.

But can I go back to my- Yeah, yeah, go back to- Because it's insane that you guys did that. No. And in the whole, resentment. Resentment. Resentment.

You know what I mean? Because I'm now in my mind, I know you're the girl. No, no, I don't have to go. In my mind I'm like, I have to, it was something, my story sucks,

but anyway, he comes in, two floors, he leaves, and I could breathe again, right? But in my mind I'm like, oh yeah, he's one of those guys I don't ever want to meet.

I just don't want it ruined. He's like a, he's literally like my guy. But don't you think it'd be different? I get what you're saying. What do you want to be different if like right now they're like, he's coming over? That'd be different because then he was aware of me and all that stuff.

That's yeah, obviously. So that's what I'm saying the big difference was, right? Like I got in an elevator and 50 Cent was on it. And I was just like. I know, right? You know what you're saying? I was just like a big fan. And he was like, I said something so gay.

I think I was like, I love you. You never stop hustling. No, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah.ling. No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, wow. I mean, you don't have to name names.

Have there been stars you've met that are like, you don't have to name names, but like that are like, that guy's weird? Have I met stars that are weird? Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Well, you go, I just know, I'll never be able to hang out with that guy. Well, I feel like I'm a very much a-

But you're a star. Well, no, but I feel like I'm a very much a... But you're a star. But I feel like I'm not an approach person. If I see someone, I'm not like, I'm going to go talk to that person. Yeah, me neither. I'm very much like, in my mind, every situation, that person is doing their own thing, and I'm just not going to go over to them.

I probably have only done it to basically rappers. And only, the only time I've actually. This is fucking. But is that the latte version with the milk and all that stuff or no? Yeah, whole latte. That's it. Okay, good. Yeah, oat milk.

Okay, good, give me one. Right before he left, we made sure. Cloud, you like one? No, thank you. That's what we do here, dude. We have runners. That's a really impressive thing. But so like in flights, on flights I've been on flights

where someone's seated next to me that's famous. I've initiated conversation, but it also feels very, it doesn't feel that forced, it feels kind of organic in that point, because you're just like. But even when they don't know who you are, you still initiate? I've initiated only conversations with people who don't know who I am.

Like give me one example. I can give you several. Okay. I did it with Jill Scott, the singer. Wow. I did it with Serena Williams. We sat next to each other. Whoa, yeah, I love her.

That was a big one. Yeah. I did it with Mike Tyson. He's great, so nice. I did it very briefly with Method Man, and then I learned, well I learned that Mike Tyson knew who I was halfway through our conversation. He put it together. Yeah. And Method Man, after the learned, well I learned that Mike Tyson knew who I was halfway through our conversation. He put it together and Method Man,

after the flight, put it together. Wow. So those were like in the moment. Mike Tyson was supposed to be at the party. Yeah, I was supposed to do a couple things with him and they're like, Mike canceled. I'm like, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

In that conversation, are you slowly trying to sneak in like, hey, I do stuff too? No, I think- That's what you're doing. No. Gross, gross. The only time that I wanted to, I was like, the only time I had a fucking panic attack,

because I was like, I want this to be, like I had to coach myself up. I am not the like, here's who I, like it's not normal for me, to be like let me tell you about myself and this was like 2014 was Tyson where I I was like this is the time to do this like I really had to have it talk with myself Where I was like

At the time we had DVDs and I was like give him a DVD I go it's gay as fuck, but just do it because you're never gonna fucking Never going to like you're never going to run into him again. This is it. It's never gonna happen I fucking and I had heard the guys behind me talking to him like just old white guys being like Mike I remember 1980. Yeah yeah you can't do that oh yes so I was like just do it just fucking humiliate yourself so I got up I grab a DVD out of my bag well it's shrink-wrapped and I was like hey Mike he's like yeah and I go I'm a huge fan blah blah blah. I'm a comedian

And I have this what impaled you because it was he had that level of Impact so I was just like this is my special like I gave it to him It was like shrink wrap it was professionally like it wasn't like some what special was it? It was the first one so that's like Netflix. Oh you're good. So I gave it to him He was like he started, his hand is like this. I've seen it, yeah. So it's like, he's holding onto the DVD, it's like fitting like here in his hand.

And he's like talking to me as he's unwrapping it. And I was like, ha ha! And then he goes, yeah, he keeps, he's asked me like where my show is, and I'm like, oh, because we're flying to Pittsburgh. And I'm like, it's in Pittsburgh? And what are you going for? He's like, I'm going to promote a fight and I'm like, oh, because we're flying to Pittsburgh, and I'm like, it's in Pittsburgh, and what are you going for? He's like, I'm going to promote a fight.

I was like, oh, cool. And it's like a brief interaction, and then shake hands, and I go back, and I'm just like, like full, like I just nutted. I'm just like, oh, fuck. Like I'm exhausted from the anxiety relieving, you know, leaving my body, and then like a moment later,

on the shoulder here, he's standing above me. He's like, I know who you are. And I was like, what? Because the DVD photo is the photo that's on Netflix. He's like, I've seen you on Netflix. I was like, no shit. He lied. He came to the show.

I know, but I think he lied. You think so? Yeah, because it has the Netflix logo on it, that's right, and in his book. No, it doesn't have Netflix logo. It just said, but the image at the time, the image at the time was just my, it was like, it was my first special.

So it was my face. It's when you're fat. Fat, and I'm making like a face. Yeah, one of those, okay, okay. And it's when you're fat. Fat, and I'm making like a face. Yeah, I'll go, okay. And it's like, it's the whole, that's the image that you see on Netflix. And that's the image of the DVD. And then he told me, he goes,

I watch a lot of Netflix, man. So he came to the show backstage. He hung out in the green room. He really is, I did a movie with him. He's a nicest guy. Oh, it was. I love him. It's one of my favorite all time things that's ever happened. Oh, before we go, because I have to go,

but I know you have to go, but I have one last question for you before you go. How does it feel to be a big star now? I'm sorry. Press junket question. How does it feel to be big stars? It's good? Here's the thing with you. Yeah. This is the real thing.

Okay. I don't think we'll ever think that. What? That we're like the shit. No. I walk around. Yeah. I walk around.

I just get depressed. We get depressed and sad. Yeah. It's normal. So I look forward to doing our shows in the summer to coming out. It'll be great. It's great outdoors with me, you, Jessica Curr-San. Are we done with all the things that I've done for you? I look forward to doing our shows in the summer coming out. It'll be great.

It's great outdoors with me, you, Jessica Curr-San. Are we done with all the things that I've done for you? Are there any more? Are there any more? I was just wondering if there are any more. You've done a lot. So what else have you done? I was just thinking, oh, there's one more coming.

When does this come out? A couple of weeks. Okay, yeah. Well, what's coming? I have a, oh, is that, is those the shows? I believe so. You have a what? Nothing, I just have something that'll be coming to you.

Yeah, but you didn't say anything to me yet. I know. Is it something that you could share now or no? I think I should probably wait. Yeah, okay, good. I think I should wait. I'll be excited. I'll do it.

Is this a show? No. Oh, I know what it is. I'll be excited. I'll do it. Is it a show? No. Oh, I know what it is. It's a thing, like an acting thing? Yeah. Oh cool. Thank you. I pass.

Damn. Wait, what's the rest of your list though? I gotta hear the rest of your list. What? Who are like the people you could not meet? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, so okay, so, I think Brad Pitt's one of those, I don't even want to meet him. Yeah, but Henri's really great with fans because I have a couple friends who have,

like, hugged him in pictures. Like, I know he's super gracious with fans. So you missed the opportunity. Here's the thing. If I saw LeBar James or any of these other guys, right? LeBar? What's his name? I don't even know. Like, like, you know, old timey blacks who we did the first thing with what Warren sacks I don't I don't care. I'm sure he's a nice guy and I'll go barbecuing with him or go fishing He loves the fish. I know I can tell you could tell yeah, he's old-timey But you know how it feels like imagine if someone were to like butcher Like sir, Alex Ferguson's name. I was like who the hell is he or like I respect them

I know if I saw Lebron James, I would just bow respect. I go, you have to apologize to Warren Sapp for saying his name like that. Warren Sapp. I know, I know who he is. I just know it's not plural. There's two of them. There's not two for the twins. The Warren Sapp. Yeah. And he's a legend. I Googled them and I understand. Okay. And I love them. And if I saw them, I'll give them a big hug. And I give them his prompts. Yeah, he's Heisman. Didn't win the Heisman.

Whatever. But all those things. All those things that they do. I understand what it is. Super Bowl champion. Huge. Huge, bigger than I could ever imagine. All right?

What I'm saying is. T.R. Sir Alex Ferguson. I didn't say Sir Alex Ferguson. Oh, okay. I thought he's not, no, he's not, no, cause he's a Manchester. Right. He's not an arsonist. I know. No, but no. So arson vengar. I don't think I'd ever want to meet. Is there anybody in Hollywood? Yeah. That's what I'm saying. Brad Pitt. So here we go. Barack Obama. I would never want to meet. Sup Barry. You wouldn't. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, Barry, no, Barry. No? No, I wouldn't want to meet him.

I don't ever want to meet... I mean, it's such a... Oh yeah, here's another one. Okay. I don't think I would want, like what Sebastian does, I don't think I'd ever want to meet those greats. Like the peshy... The pechy, de nero, peschino, you know what I mean?

The greats. You say it like my dad used to go, you know who's a great actor? Joe Pesky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who said it like that? Did you meet Lou Reed? I didn't meet him, I chased him down the street.

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, I didn't meet him. Insane. I saw him, I like, ah! I screamed, I chased him down. But see, he's one of your number ones. He's dead. So Scorsese, you would be like, I don't want to meet him?

No. Yeah, I probably wouldn't even probably do his movies, even. What? If he offered you a role, you wouldn't do a Scorsese movie? Well, I've never seen an Asian guy in it. There's probably one. There might be one more. I think there's one more.

Give me one Asian guy that's been in a Scorsese movie. Well, one of them took place in like, Railroadsroads. No. There's no railroad Scorsese movie. Which one? The one about the Dalai Lama. There you go! Boom! Wait, boom? You're right.

What do you mean, Scorsese did a movie about the Dalai Lama? Yes, yes. What was it called? It was like in the 80s or 90s. Yeah, it's like a... I don't know, you have to IMDB it. I don't think so. Yeah, for sure.

What about the Scorsese movie that people have seen? Like a it. It's. I don't think so. I don't think so. Yeah. Well, of course, it would be the people seen. No classic. It did well. OK. It was done. Kundan. K-U-N-D-U-N.

You've seen that. It's fantastic. You have it. So let's think of, but you know, I, but there's some stars, you know what you're right though? I think I could because when it did, you know, when, oh,'s some stars, you know what you're right though? I think I could because when I did, you know, when oh, first of all, Borderlands, Borderlands trailer came out today and I am in it. Nice.

Thank you. So when I did that movie, there was a bunch of stars. Who do you play in it? Just a- Asian guy? Soldier. Oh, a soldier. Yeah. But I mean it with a bunch of big stars.

And when I did it, I wasn't intimidated at all. Oh, Kunda. Oh, I saw that. And he's Asian. He is Asian. He has an Asian. What if he asked to recast that right now with you? As a kid, as older.

Let me see if I can do the face. Kuhn Dan. There he is. Right? Kuhn Dan older. Kuhn Dan older. He's in the city now. Things aren't going well.

You know what I mean? It's a romantic comedy. He's a virgin. That life's passed. Right? Let's do that. Anyway, we a version. That life's passed. Right? Let's do that. Anyway, we got to go. But Tom's a girl.

Give her a ride. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Whoa. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't drink anymore, but I'll tell you this. I'll be honest with you.

Yes. When I went to the after party at the MGM Grand. Yeah. When we went to the after party. Yeah. And I was walking around. People were drinking Oso's. I had a friend there too that was drinking Osos and stuff.

And I asked her, I go, how is this vodka compared to all the vodkas? She goes, you know, quite honestly, Bobby, best vodka I've ever had. And I was walking around the party, and I have to, the atmosphere with Osos, I've been to vodka parties before I did. I'm not even smiling, I'm not even doing a joke.

I know you guys are going, what the fuck are you talking? No, no, I'm listening. I. I'm not even doing a joke. I know you guys are going what the fuck you talking? No, no, I'm listening. I've been to parties and bars where they've served the vodka. Right? I've never been to more of a merry Charismatic joyous party than the one that you invited me to. Thanks. And it's all because of porosos vodka coos Texas made my friend. It's a real deal. People think some people are like Oh, you just threw your name on a thing and People think, some people are like, oh, you just threw your name on a thing, and they don't know. They're rude. Well, they're rude.

They don't get that. Like, you can do that. We were approached to do that, where somebody goes, here's the thing. You want to slap your name on it? We did it the other way, where we developed the vodka. We developed the branding, the bottle, the design. We went through dozens and dozens of different options.

So we actually, we made this like dozens and dozens of different options, so we actually, we made this from ground, you know, from nothing. Built the whole thing up. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly what you did. Yeah. Like the Millennium Vulcan.

We made it happen, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hope people like it. It goes on sale in March, California, Nevada, Texas, and Florida. Oh, can I say nothing about the Osos? Yeah. Your staff.

Yes. Oh, can I say nothing about the Osos? Yeah. Your staff. Yes. Was the nicest staff that I've ever worked with. Really? Yeah, they were always, because I was always lost. And whenever I saw the Osos, they would go, oh, come here. This is the way to go to the bathroom and stuff. No, they just are kind.

I'm being real. They were just really good. They made me feel at home. So what I'm saying is the whole company is great. Good. I'm glad you like it. Yeah, yeah. And I'm the one on the whole company is great. Good, I'm glad you like it. Yeah, yeah. And, um.

I'm the one on the left. I know, have you ever fought, last question, have you ever gotten in a fight with Bird, like a screaming match? Screaming match, no. Disagreements where we have to sit down. And have a talk. Yes.

And to hash things out. Yeah, and it always works out that way. Good. It's a good way to like figure things out. You have to just. Anyway, I gotta go, he's gotta go. Give Tom Sugar a round of applause. Woo!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.