Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 13 - The Dead Do Tell Tales
Episode Date: December 12, 2016Timesucker and British archaeologist Rebecca Pridmore sent me some fascinating articles on what we’ve learned from the excavation of various ancient tombs and incredibly well preserved corpses. Bog ...people, a 12,000 year old funeral, and more on this rotten, decaying, and totally dead episode of Timesuck.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
I've written the Pirates of the Caribbean right at Disneyland enough times to be very very familiar with the phrase
Dead men tell no tales
Well, we're not talking about pirates today, but we are gonna learn that dead men and dead women do in fact
Tell tales
Archaeologists learn a great deal about human history from the dead
What we used to look like what we used to eat eat, who we traded with, how we died,
how we dressed, and so much more.
So let's dig into some old death on a rotten, decayed, but still very well preserved episode
of Time Suck.
Alright, this episode Time Suck 13 is a listener suggested episode again, special thanks
to British archaeologist and Time Sucker, Rebecca Pridmore, for not only suggesting this
topic, but doing a lot of the research.
Sentiment links to various fascinating articles on a variety of interesting discoveries of
tombs or of ancient corpses.
Now, a few weeks after Rebecca suggested this article,
I got to think about what we learned from the dead
because I went on a field trip with my son Kyler,
with his school, and we went to,
I was a parental volunteer, which is always interesting.
I feel like a sociologist when I'm around
him and his classmates, just like,
kids are so fucking weird.
But we went to this museum and they had this Egyptian mummy
display.
Some unknown woman, I think what I want to say,
it was on loan from a New York museum,
but it's Annie is the mummy's name.
Maybe you've seen this mummy at a different museum yourself.
This was in Spokane at the Mac,
Spokane, Washington.
And I read about this display about Annie
and it was interesting like all the things
they did to mummy that I'm sure I'd learned before
but I've forgotten about.
Like they held these urns where they,
you know, I guess they used to take the various organs
out of the dead person and put like their heart
and this urn and their stomach and this urn and et cetera, et cetera. And each urn had like the top of the dead person and put like their heart and this urn and their stomach and this urn
and etc. etc. and each urn had like the top of the urn which is basically like a jar,
fancy word for jar, had a picture of some Egyptian god on it or like a little carving of
like their head like raw or something and I guess you know various gods were associated
with various organs and then they wrapped the body,
and Annie was kind of a weird mummy where,
she wasn't royalty, they don't think,
they think, I guess the Egyptians
were all paid special respects to people
who died in the Nile.
They think it was some girl who just,
some 15 year old, I wanna say,
like girl who drowned in the Nile.
And, but anyway, that is a matter,
I guess, like they found like they wrapped their bodies and all this stuff.
And they did one thing that I found very interesting.
They, I guess like when wealthy people died and they were tombs, they would find all
these remains like food and stuff too.
And what they figured out, what they've learned from the Egyptian dead, is that, you know,
for like a wealthy person died, you know, and they had their Egyptian tomb,
and they had all of these items in the tomb.
And I guess the Egyptians believed
that you needed this stuff in the afterlife,
like you needed the physical stuff.
And I guess they put various organs, various jars,
because they thought, I guess you were gonna somehow
reassemble yourself maybe in the afterlife,
or at least you needed to access those organs
and have them in good condition. You needed to access your old physical body. And they not only did you,
and you needed like, you know, I don't know, fucking sword or whatever, like household items in
the afterlife, but they also would bring them food, like like real meals. So they'd have some servants
So they'd have some servants bring down some meal into the tomb for this mummy to nibble on, because you don't want to get hungry when you're dead. That's the last thing you want.
The last thing you want is you got your fucking stomach in your jar, in your stomach jar,
and you got your brain in your brain jar, and everything's kosher.
But you know, you're hungry.
You're hanging out in the after world
with your weird rotten body and your jar organs,
but you don't got some tasty vitals to munch on.
The shit people believe, I always wonder like what,
like a 2000 years from now,
people are gonna look back at us and think like,
what are these fucking idiots,
why are they doing that?
Sorry, if you're a religious person,
but I'm guessing that in enough time,
all the religions of today are going to be laughed at.
That's just, that is my thought.
If you're a religious person,
I'm sure right now you're thinking,
we'll accept from mine, fucking dick.
Mine's gonna be the one that's gonna be found out to be totally true.
Well, good luck with that.
But yeah, I mean, that's, these people,
they believe this stuff, that's what's fascinating to me,
like the ancient Egyptians, they totally believed.
I mean, these are people who were able to assemble pyramids
and have this civilization that in terms,
you know, from what I remember reading about the Egyptians
in terms of architecture and social structure and, you know, they had libraries and things.
I want to say in Alexandria, they had this amazing library.
Like, they were ahead as far as being civilized far more than a lot of their contemporaries.
Yet, they believed that the dead needed someone to bring them snacks.
Yeah, how much would it suck to be like a servant assigned to that job?
Like you're probably eating some shitty fucking flatbread and I don't know, goat thigh,
something, you know, you probably, probably super hungry most of the time.
I mean, I know a lot of people starve back then, just in ancient history in general, a
lot of poor people starve. That's one of the main, many things, I know a lot of people starve back then just in ancient history in general a lot of poor people starved That's a lot that's one of the main
Many things poor people did in ancient times with starve be very hungry be malnourished, you know
And you're probably bringing you know, they're not gonna be sending like a cracker
You know if somebody's rich enough to have a tomb and they're rich enough to have meals brought them. They're not getting
you know a
Wheat trisket cracker and a small glass of dirty water like they're getting some some beer
You know meat or whatever some dates and honey, you know, I don't know some fucking
Nile trout or whatever kind of fish. We're in there. Whatever kind of fine meats, you know
They're getting a they're getting a filet mignon. You're the servant
You're hungry. You're stomachs rumbling,
you're, I can walk in a stake.
Like a perfectly good stake
into this dead person's tomb.
I'm sure a lot of people,
the poor people believe with the rich people believe
whatever religion of the day,
but there had to be a few skeptics though.
We're like, fuck this shit.
I'm not, I bet, I bet.
So those people, servants would just sit in the tomb
and treat themselves, right, to a nice stake. That's what I like to think I would do
You know after like the 50th time where I come back and I realized that this the previous shit
I brought is just rotting and not being eaten because it's a goddamn mummy whose mouth is even tape shut
So how they supposed to eat this stuff anyway? I
Would think I'd be like, hey man good news everybody. Your grandpa has been his appetite is back.
He is a fucking healthiest, dead eater I've ever seen.
Every plate is just polished clean, unbelievable,
unbelievable.
But anyway, so this trip to the field trip
to my son's school and then Rebecca's
Suggestion, yeah, just got me thinking about this and now I'm gonna get into some of the articles
She sent to me and the first is this bog bodies and by the way, this is gonna be a little less structured
Then my past couple of time sucks. I gotta keep it varied to keep myself interested
And I'd like to think that interest will be passed along to you as well
I think I think the last couple where had a big biography chunk,
you know, with Bundy and then Elon Musk or Elon,
or he says, fucking crazy South African name,
I think it's Elon, Elon, whatever, Mr. Musk.
You know, it was that time set timeline
and going in March and kind of forward,
very, very linear episodes.
We're just gonna kind of bounce around on this one.
A little Lucy Goosey. So one of the things Rebecca sent me was this article on
these bog bodies of Northern Europe. And that's, and, and B.O.G. bodies, these people who
had died in these peat bugs and had their remains like preposterously well preserved.
I don't know if you've ever, ever seen a picture of one of these people. I'm going to have
some on the, on the episode description at Timesackpodcast.com if you haven't just for easy access.
But I remember first seeing a picture of one of these in a National Geographic article a while back.
And when I was a kid, I have a special love for National Geographic's by the way.
When I was a kid, my great grandpa had a subscription to National Geographic.
He had one for years. My great grandpa, had a subscription to National Geographic. He had one for years, my great grandpa, John, kept every issue,
and he gave them all to me.
Like I became interested in this stuff.
He was like a guy who just, small town guy from,
originally from Sweden, immigrated over,
made it to Minnesota where he met my great grandma,
made it over to Rick and Zydeho,
fallen his dad, just I think construction and sawmill
and mining work, things weren't going well in Scandinavia economically.
Brought his brothers over.
And he was, you know, looking this little small town,
but fast handed by the world.
And he always had like, all the Naxx.
He had the Guinness Book of World Records every year,
which I later made fun of in a bit, just that book.
But, and he had all these natural due graphics,
and they're just a really cool magazine.
But, and he saw that I became,
as opposed to reading just random kid books,
or he thought I was really cool
that I got into reading the natural due graphics,
and you give them all to me.
And they really nurtured a curiosity
about the world that remains this day.
I mean, they maybe want to travel.
You know, they help some dumb kid from a town
a less than 500 white people, and the middle of the Idaho wilderness want to travel, you know, they help some dumb kid from a town, a less than 500 white people in the middle of the Idaho wilderness, understand
just, you know, how much more the world there really is than what I could just see around
me. You know, I understand geography because of those maps, they were laid out in certain
issues, you know, I was always excited to get a National Geographic issue that had a cool
map inside it. You know, I dreamed of walking the Great Wall of China, hiking Machu Picchu.
I should actually put some of those maps on the walls where normal kids would place posters.
To be fair, I'll set a poster at Catharine Island and Chrome alone in Jordan, of course.
And then when I was in junior high, they helped me jerk off because those jungle women were
often topless, which was more than I could give my hands on.
It was better than the JC, Christmas catalog, brass section.
But that's another topic that many of you probably would not like to hear.
But one of these nasty graphic issues, it was actually one when I was older.
Because of my love, whenever I go to like a doctor's lobby or, you know, like at the
dentist waiting to go in for your appointment, a lot of times they have nasty graphic out
in the lobby. Those are the ones I always grab as opposed to,
sports, illustrate, or whatever.
And one time, it's like 2007, 2008,
flipping through one of these, and I remember this guy,
and I went back and found it online,
so I knew what to call it, this Tallend man, T-O-L-L-U-N-D,
and he's one of these bog corpses.
It's 2,300 years old, incredibly preserved body
from a man who died from hanging.
And you don't need to be a forensic pathologist
to figure out that he was hung
because the remains of the rope are still around his neck
and they are so perfectly preserved.
I mean, it looks like a rope you could still use.
It's 2,300 years old.
Crazy how well this bog dude was preserved.
It is a weird look.
These bog corpses, they don't have any natural color.
Like their bodies are all the same shade of bog brown
because of the chemical process that kind of preserves them.
They kind of like become part bog themselves.
Kind of like a fucking swamp thing,
type transformation in a way.
You know, a swamp thing from the familiar,
humanoid shape, but composed of plant life.
The bog people, human perfect human shape of how they died, but a bog like substance that makes
up part of their body. Kind of, it's fucking weird, but it's crazy. The detail you can see on these
corpses, I've seen pictures of these
body corpses where you can see stubble on the face, and I'm going to have some of these pictures
up on the site as well. The way their hair was styled, the moment they die, you can see
the individual strands of hair expressions on their face, the fucking lines on their face,
from leading hard medieval lives.
Like archaeologists could tell from this corpse that he had had his nose broken.
And abdomen sliced open before being hung. Didn't didn't go easily.
They rarely did back then. They knew what his last meal was.
Some type of porridge they were able to recreate and actually taste.
It's fucking crazy. And they found hundreds of these guys throughout the years.
Sorry, guys and gals, these bog people.
I mean, they were regular humans, but you know what I mean?
I don't want anybody to think like,
yeah, fucking bog people, huh?
I've heard about them.
Are they related to mole people?
No, there was no bog people.
I feel like if they're worthy,
they'd be kind of like a picture
in some kind of dwarf known situation.
If there was like a bog, anyway.
Okay, so there was like a bog, but anyway.
Okay, so there was the Cheshire,
Cheshire, excuse me, bog man.
And this was a body found in Cheshire, England,
a guy who died around 60 AD.
And this one, he's so well preserved.
They know he was in his mid 20s,
to about five seven, which wasn't short back then.
That was a manly height. If you're some dude who's like, listen about five, seven, which wasn't short back then. That was a manly height.
If you're some dude who's like,
listen right now, it was like five, five,
you probably like fuck you rightfully so.
Your height is manly as well, ish.
Yeah.
But anyway, he had a trim beard, mustache, brown hair.
I heard about that, when I saw the trim beard,
I didn't think like how the
fuck did dudes trim their beards like in 60 AD? That must have sucked. Like it's
not like they had electric beard trimmers or even like those small super sharp
mustache scissors you can buy. Like I'm picturing some poor bastard just like
hacking at his face with a sharp piece of flint, using his reflection, some crappy pond,
firmeared, fuck that.
I don't want that at all.
This guy, this Cheshire bug guy,
he was knocked in the head,
has had a skull fracture.
Then after getting a skull fracture,
I don't know how they determine the timeline,
but this is what they're saying.
And these are, like I'm getting this from a place
like the Atlantic and stuff,
not like just Wikipedia.
Core goes around his neck, throat was liced, and he kicked into the bog.
They even knew he was kicked in the back, some wound on his back, some death wound.
And then nearly 2000 years later, you know, discovered by some dudes digging for Pete
and the lendao moss.
Now this is fascinating to me about this lend almos peat bog site.
And a bog is like a marsh basically. Other bodies have been found in this same lend almos
over the years. And one, check this shit out. One of these helped solve a modern murder case.
This is a testament to how well preserved these bodies are because a body was found in the Lindow Moss, 1983,
the police at first thought it belonged to a recently murdered woman from the area.
By coincidence, it was found just like a thousand feet from the cottage of a man who was suspected
in his wife's disappearance.
The police confront this dude with the bog body.
They just found found under questioning,
he confesses to killing her.
A few months later, they realized,
oh, shit, our mistake,
the body we found was a 2000 year old woman.
But thanks for confessing,
you're still gonna be convicted of murder.
So great job.
Oh, man, I don't know,
I don't know any more about that guy who was convicted,
but I do know he would fucking hate this week's episode of Time Suck. Wouldn't he? Let's talk about
some salt in the wound. So I was wondering like, that's just crazy to me. So I was wondering like,
why are these bodies preserved so well? And like, like as opposed to people who've died in Arizona or Utah or Pennsylvania and just
you know, Africa, just fucking bones.
Why do we get so much more details with these bog people?
Well, according to the Atlantic magazine, unlike Egyptian mummies, the bog bodies other
state to an accident of chemistry.
That's their quote accident of chemistry.
I guess these bogs, they were very in, bog contain very little oxygen, which inhibits bacterial growth. The most
important ingredient for the bog body survival comes from this plant, sphagnum.
When sphagnum dies, it releases polysaccharides, which block bacterial metabolism. This helps
organic matter like skin, wood, fur, textiles from decaying,
and the bogs also kind of cure the bodies in this process,
the kin to tanning, which I think is why they get
the brown look.
But this is, and then it's just a weird little side note
while they're like really good at preserving the skin,
they do eat away the bones.
So a lot of times they find these remains
and the skin and hair and everything is perfectly
preserving the outside, no bones inside.
That's the fact that it's weird. It's just weird.
And also the acid in the bog destroys DNA, so they can't get any kind of genetic knowledge from these people.
They can like find out what they ate when they died, what they look like, but it's like the insides aren't regular insides anymore, and so they can't get any
DNA.
But there is again, again, there's a lot of forensic data preserved in the bog bodies.
Talks about, like they're able to find out their social status, medical history, and
again, the food date, their final hours, like the Tallin man, his last meal was a gruel,
some kind of nasty gruel.
Some other guy, the grubal man, ate a porridge was a gruel, some kind of nasty gruel, some other guy,
the grubal man, ate a porridge, made out of 60 different types
of plants, and some fancy fucking porridge, my friend.
The old Krogan man, an aristocratic giant from Ireland
lived mostly on meat and dairy, but his final meal
was buttermilk and cereal.
I'm guessing cereal, some kind of just like basic grain.
I don't think he's having like lucky charms for some shit.
Little before General Mills time, the lendown man had an up market, is how they describe
ooh an up market meal, of griddle toasted flatbread.
That sounds pretty good.
Griddle toasted flatbread, back in 60 AD man, they were toasting some shit on the griddle.
And he had a little small addition of mistletoe pollen.
That's a cute phrase, mistletoe pollen.
Sounds fucking terrible.
You want some pollen on your flatbread?
No, no, I don't.
I've never had pollen, but I have no interest in trying it.
Some of these people had finely manicured hands,
wore elaborate hairstyles, kind of indicated their rank as freed man or warriors.
But it also, it says in the Atlantic, an unusual number of the bog bodies suffered from physical deformities.
And here's, I bet that was just a result of living in an age when there was no Western medicine.
You know, like some of these, they said deformities were just fairly minor, like cauliflower ear,
so maybe they were wrestling, araslan, curved spines, disease joints, which would have made walking difficult.
Other abnormalities were more pronounced.
It says, a survey of ag body research turns up a dwarf, a giant, a man with an extra set
of thumbs, one researcher thinks this might be significant, as far as the high percentage
of these people that had abnormalities were found because you think, you know, maybe quote, visually special people, and quote, may have been
deliberately targeted for their uniqueness and possibly spiritual power. Like, maybe they were
sacrificed because they looked different. I think maybe just a lot of people were fucked up back then,
you know, with because they didn't have, you know, vitamins and good medicine. That's what I think.
I don't know if anybody else in the science community
agrees with me, but I personally, I can't stand it,
little side no, here I can't stand it
when people shit on modern medicine
and act like homeopathic stuff from the dark ages
is better.
You may be sometimes, maybe you're sometimes,
situationally, but you're kidding yourself.
You're fucking kidding yourself.
You think you'd be healthier, living back in time.
You probably, you probably, you probably have a limp.
You know, because you broke your leg,
like a lot of people do, but there's no real doctor to set it.
Instead, you got, you got Olaf, the town blacksmith,
or maybe Igor the wise.
You know, you get some dumb shit,
Rubin Barker on your shin, and trying to pray it back together.
Or something else stupid.
You know, maybe they put some leeches on your ankle,
maybe bleed your leg back together. Or you have polio, or rickets, or scurvy.
Scurvy?
Scurvy?
Scurvy, sounds kind of fun.
You have scurvy, you know, or some other ailment
that could easily have been prevented today
by the occasional Flintstone vitamin.
Another thing, the bog bodies make clear
is that mistreatment they suffered in death
was extreme as it was varied.
The horal scar, I can't pronounce these words. Woman was killed with a carrot. The yid girl was strangled with her own girdle. Ooh, fuck man.
Tallinman was hung.
Some teenager from northern Germany was hogtied before his death. A lot of different bodies had their throats cut.
One girl was drowned and then her arm was hacked off. What the fuck?
Burrow's woman was scalped, her face crushed,
and her right leg broken.
Ah, she must have did something serious
to piss somebody off.
The old, or been accused of being a witch
and been a totally cool person who just, you know,
fucking weirdos of the day, through something her way.
The old Krogan man was hit with a barrage of blows
most likely from an axe,
enough to sever his head and cut his body in half.
Got damn it.
Ah, wow, do you ever want to live in Medieval or your...
Sounds like it sucks.
You know, like I love the Princess bride, that movie, but I don't think they accurately
portray the time, not that that movie was supposed to, by the way.
I'm not a fucking, I know it's a Mel Brox movie.
Okay. So again, the lesson here is that it would suck to, by the way, I know it's a Melprox movie. Okay, so again, the lesson here
is that it would suck to go back in time.
That's what I'm taking from this.
Like, there's no stats available for how often
a brutal death occurred in medieval Europe,
but I feel like from all the stuff I've read over the years,
it seems like it's about one and two,
or maybe somewhere between one and two and one and one.
Jesus.
And the violence I guess in these bodies continued after death. Some of the bodies had their arms pierced. Willow branches were
drawn through the wound. Others had wooden stakes through the knees. Oh, man, somebody wrote
these restraints. Maybe in a way of taming the dead, pinning the ghost to the spot where
they died. Okay, that sounds, that sounds sounds, yeah, like that would do the trick.
Some of them had part of their head shaved,
some of them buried naked,
some of them wrapped in only a shred.
In addition to everything else
was done to him, the old Krogan's nipples were sliced.
And I guess this may have special significance.
According to ancient Irish traditions,
sucking a king's nipples was a way of showing him submission.
Did you fucking hear that?
Sucking an ancient Irish king's nipples was a way of showing him submission.
I thought this was fucking nonsense, and I did more googling on this, and there was a variety of articles
that talks about this happened.
You know, that's what ancient Irish kings did.
Can you fucking imagine that?
You know, you say you're Laurel Baron McCormick,
but there's been three moons since you circled upon my teeth.
I will send soldiers to defend your castle.
But not until you've licked a nibble upon my right nibble
while Laurel O'Reilly cup with my balls
and the ear of a double and slightly strokes the king's cock.
Again, I don't know what that accent was.
But I bet this is something Trump would want to bring back. Maybe make pants suck on his
nipples a bit before briefings. You say you're with me, Mike, but I haven't had a tremendous
suckling in weeks. Anywho. No one knows exactly why these people were killed. We've learned
a lot about what medieval Europeans ate,
look like, what they wore, et cetera, though,
from these bog bodies.
I think that's pretty cool shit.
There were some more articles of Rebecca Semi.
One was that Hebrew University archeologist
uncovered a 12,000-year-old grave inside a North Israel cave
that was so well preserved they were able to reconstruct
the type of funeral that took place.
This woman was laid on a bed of specially selected materials,
including gazelle horn,
cords, fragments of chalk,
fresh clay, limestone blocks, sediment,
tortoise shells were placed under and around her body,
86 in total, sea shells and eagles wing,
leopards pelvis, forearm of a wild boar,
even a human foot were replaced on the body of this
mysterious, you know, roughly four and a half foot tall woman. A top her body, a large stone was
laid to seal the burial space. How do you like to be the funeral director back then? Man, that's
that would suck ass. You know, it's all right, Abraham. We're we're having Judas funeral on Friday and for starters, we're gonna need 86 turtle shells.
Oh, oh, man, I'd love to help you able.
I just got a shipment of about 50 turtle shells
in from my turtle guy in Crete.
Is that gonna cut it?
Who the fuck do you think my mom is?
Abraham, some common 50 turtle shell having tavern ore.
You get those 86 fucking turtle shells you son of a bitch and
And I'm gonna need a leopard pelvis, okay? All right
Okay, okay, I get I apologize. I get I got but yeah, I just sold my last leopard pelvis this morning
I can give you a tail and three leopard feet
You get that fucking pelvis and a wild boar form and you throw in a human
fucking foot or I will bury you with my foot up your lazy ass. And just because
you pissed me off, we're gonna do all this deep inside of fucking K, okay? Yeah
that was an accurate portrayal. You guys that was like a that was like as if I had a
a window into the past and was overaring an actual conversation, that was,
I'm sure, incredibly accurate.
Yeah, so that's, so the, yeah, based on that, they just, they found out how this woman
was kind of buried and how her funeral went.
The stages have lain down this and then the placing the turtle shells and all that.
And I guess this woman was buried alone. So they think she must have been some kind of shaman and maybe the placing the turtle shells and all that. And I guess this one was buried alone,
so they think she must have been some kind of shaman
and maybe the tortoises and stuff
had religious significance.
I don't know, maybe she just really liked fucking turtles.
All right, last one.
Last one I'm gonna talk about in this time suck
is in 2015, archeologists in Greece discovered a tomb
that would make Indiana Jones giddy.
They found an undisturbed burial tomb
of a 3500 year old Greek Mycenaean warrior.
Bones, roughly 1400 items, slash clues
of what life was like back then, gold rings, silver cups,
even a bronze sword with an ivory hilt.
That is amazing.
Can you imagine just fucking finding that in the dirt?
Now, I dreamed about that shit as a kid,
uncovering something like that in my yard.
Turns out not a lot of ancient Greek stuff in Central Idaho.
Not a lot of...
Sometimes you find some old mountain dookans.
It's about as good as it gets.
But yeah, two researches from the University of Cincinnati working on this excavation estimate
that the three quarters of the finished graves goods came from Crete, which was a two
days sale to the South
from this burial site, rather than local sources.
And that's how people learned stuff about the past.
Like that's how they learned that, you know,
they were definitely trading with other civilizations.
And I know they already knew that
by the time they got to this tomb,
but you know, that's how it's definitive proof, you know?
35 is not just like a story written by somebody back then.
It's goods that are definitely, you know,
they can carbon test them or however they fucking figured out that are from other places.
So they were definitely trading. And that's badass, man. Pretty cool. Pretty cool.
This dude was a sword carrying warrior too. Can you imagine? Can you imagine really
being that back in time fighting with a fucking sword? I can't imagine today fighting
with a gun and trying to kill somebody a hundred yards away. That seems so personal.
And just taking another human life, you know, that's such a big thing.
I have so much respect for soldiers
who were able to do that to defend their country.
But, but, I mean, even like today's military,
occasionally I'm sure there's hand-to-hand situations,
but by and large, it's at a distance.
Can you imagine we're pretty much everything
was fucking right in your face?
Like when your job is to go hack people to death
with a sword who are trying to hack you to death with a sword who are trying to hack
you to death with the sword, God, ancient people had a lot tougher than we do today. You
really do. But, wow. Well, I hope you found all this stuff as fast and decided. Let's
now hit the highlights with some top five takeaways.
Top five takeaway.
Top five takeaway number one.
If you can't afford a taxidermist to preserve your beloved pet or family member, just find
a marshy bog to throw them in.
Let them soak for a couple years and then bam!
Nana is a bit browner than you may remember.
Maybe a bit wet, but she looks just like she did in life.
Old and miserable and judging you.
Number two, bugs were an awesome place to go in ancient Europe
if you wanted to be severely beaten, tortured and hung.
Apparently that was quite the thing to do back then.
Number three, ancient Irish kings made,
made their subjects suck on their royal nipples.
Oh my God, and check this out.
This I'm gonna give you some extra info
that I didn't give you earlier found.
Sometimes they would cut off while they were alive
a royal descendant's nipples.
They would cut off the dudes nipples
to make him ineligible for kingship.
Cause you can't be a fucking king in ancient Ireland
unless you've got some proper nips to suck on.
No one's no one's sucking on a scar. That's peasant shit. Unbelievable. That really is true. That's one of the most entertaining historical facts
I've ever heard. Number four, 12,000 years ago, at least one ancient Israeli woman was super into turtles like big time.
And people were a lot more casual about killing turtles back then.
And number five, while being buried in an elaborate tomb, complete with a fancy
bronze sword seems super cool, being an ancient Greek who had to kill people.
What a sword seems super shitty. Be glad, be so very glad that we no longer live
in the age of sword fighting. Time suck, tough, five take away.
All right, well thank you again for going on another Time Suck adventure with me. Time, suck, top five takeaway.
All right, well thank you again
for going on another Time, Psych adventure with me.
And thanks for Becca for that topic.
That was fun.
And a lot of you have been sending me topics,
which I'm so appreciative.
Please don't feel bad if I don't make it to yours.
And if I've already done one of yours,
it'll probably a long, long time.
If I do another one, there just aren't enough weeks
in the year to do them all.
And I save a bunch of weeks for myself.
I alone lately have been thinking about five new time sucks a week.
There's just so much shit out there that I find fascinating, but keeps sending them in.
I mean, some of them are definitely topics I find amazing that I would have never discovered
on my own.
So I really, I really appreciate this kind of relationship.
We're all forming through this podcast.
It's awesome.
I hope to really kind of grow and expand this whole situation over the next few years.
And go to Timesackpodcast.com for pictures that a lot of the stuff I talked about in
this episode.
And that is all for now.
Stay curious and have a great week, everybody.