Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 364 - The Mystery of the Great Library of Ancient Alexandria

Episode Date: September 4, 2023

Did the fall and/or destruction of the Great Library of Alexandria really set human progress a thousand years? Would w bee flying around in spaceships and teleporting and doing all kinds of crazy stuff if Julius Ceasar hadn't have burned down the library around 2000 years ago? Or DID Ceasar burn it down? What actually happened? What do we truly know about the contents of a place said to be the greatest house of knowledge of the ancient world? Exploring a historical mystery today - AND - bringing back Idiots of the Internet. Hooray! WATCH MY NEW SPECIAL ON YOUTUBE! Trying to Get BetterWet Hot Bad Magic Summer Camp tickets are ON SALE!  BadMagicMerch.com Get tour tickets at dancummins.tv Watch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/1eizkqK41AQMerch: https://www.badmagicmerch.comDiscord! https://discord.gg/tqzH89vWant to join the Cult of the Curious private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" in order to locate whatever happens to be our most current page :)For all merch related questions/problems: [e-mail] (copy and paste)Please rate and subscribe on iTunes and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcastWanna become a Space Lizard?  Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcastSign up through Patreon and for $5 a month you get to listen to the Secret Suck, which will drop Thursdays at Noon, PST. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. You get to vote on two Monday topics each month via the app. And you get the download link for my new comedy album, Feel the Heat. Check the Patreon posts to find out how to download the new album and take advantage of other benefits

The library. To some, I can see how libraries almost seem archaic in today's digital world, cute but redundant, relics have increasingly distant past, but libraries are of course still out there. Lots of them. They're still being used heavily, and they're still very important. There are more than 320,000 libraries worldwide, 73% of them in developing and transitioning countries, and many of them contain unique works not found elsewhere or not found in many other places at least

Not every book has been converted into digital form actually many books have not I know because it's something that continually Dries me crazy when I'm looking for additional sources on topics that haven't been heavily covered in the past few decades And I'm not looking for rare and ancient books, which are even harder to find digital copies of online, outside of a, you know, private digital databases. Maybe I should consider taking more trips to the library to find physical copies of sources. I wouldn't be alone. In 2017, more than 172 million registered US library users, representing 55% of the 312 million Americans who lived within a public library service area at that time visited public libraries a total of 1.32 billion

times. Now not everyone is heading to the library for books. Some are going to the library for internet access, some are maybe going to use the bathroom. Why are they always so nice at libraries, right? Such good quality tissue. But still, based on my library experiences, I would anecdotally still argue that most people going for books, tactile, hold them in your handbooks. Books are still a long ways from going fully digital. That will probably hopefully never happen actually. Last year in 2022, 788.7 million print books were sold in just United States. And there is good reason to believe that non-digital books will continue to sell well.

The kind of books, Howes and Libraries. A 2021 survey found that 68% of younger readers in the US prefer print books over digital books. And I love it. Right, let me touch the books. Let books over digital books. And I love it. Right, let me touch the books. Let me touch the knowledge. Let me feel the stories. Physical books help readers avoid distractions,

distractions like social media, or the never-ending news cycle, or, you know, a porn. It's nice when it's just not a simple click away. Nice to never have to worry about the battery dying, either. And physical books and libraries once you have a membership are free. Who doesn't love free? Sure many of us do buy books, but not all of us can afford to buy all the books we want

to read or even want to buy them when we can just check them out from the library instead. Again, libraries are still utilized, still important, and prior to the internet, they were much more important. They were the ideal place for scholars to gather, study, extrapolate and discuss the information they discovered, add to that knowledge, share what they've come up with with the rest of us. Libraries have also long been places not to check out books full of drive facts, but also fictional stories that are just important, or just as important. Stories that make us feel less alone, stories that nourish our artistic souls, inspire

us, teach us empathy, and open new worlds and different lives to us. And prior to the printing press, back when every copy of a book had to be handwritten, books were, I would argue, sacred, really. So rare, so hard to get your hands on one, so hard to gain access to what resided beneath their covers. Now in a world where books are sacred, imagine a library of hundreds of thousands of books, hundreds of thousands of books in a world where the average person doesn't own a single book. Scroll might be a better word than book, but

you get the idea. Imagine how important to intellectual and industrial progress such a place of books would be. Progress in industry, medicine, tech, the arts, et cetera, it never happens in a vacuum, does it? Now, it's always some extension of existing knowledge. It's taking what those before you have learned and adding to that to create something new. But if you don't know what came before you, if you can't access what has already been learned,

what has already been recorded, then what do you have to build upon? How can you hope to evolve and making these sort of real intellectual progress? Conversely, what if you could go to a place that had all of the known written information in the entire world? Or at least something real close to that? How much faster could you make major scientific breakthroughs that push humanity further

and further forward? The Library of Alexander, the Great library, was said to be exactly such a place. The location of literally the most knowledge gathered into one place in the history of the ancient world. It's truly hard to comprehend such a place today. One place, you can go one physical place. To learn more, far, far more than you could learn in literally any other place on Earth. And what exactly was all that knowledge? Well, we don't know. It's a great mystery that has baffled historians for centuries. We have no idea because there is no archaeological evidence of the great library of Alexandria. Old Alexandria is buried beneath

modern day Alexandria and not a single stone of the library building to our knowledge has ever been found. We just have ancient texts, various scholars referencing the Great House of Knowledge, and from those references historians have been trying for centuries to rebuild its history. But still today, so much mystery remains. It seems as if, based on what we do know, the Library of Alexandria was one of the greatest libraries, if not the greatest library of the ancient world. The library was established in the third century BCE by the Talameic Dynasty, the successors of the city's founder Alexander the Great. Talame the first and his son Talame the second dreamed of a universal library, a place to contain all the written works of

the world. The two kings oversaw the construction and completion of the library during their respective reigns. It is estimated that the library of Alexandria housed anywhere from 40,000 to 700,000 to perhaps even a million scrolls depending on which source you read. Containing the works of the greatest authors and scholars in ancient history all in one city, all in one place. The Tallahmaid kings hired scholars to literally live in the library to work their full time making copies of original works, teaching, debating, researching, learning, writing their own scrolls.

This amazing library became an intellectual and artistic mecca, a place that brought the ancient world best minds to Egypt to experience a center of learning and culture that rivaled anything found in Greece. If not a place that surpassed anything there or anything else in the world. Was a place like this a center that promoted community openness and learning doomed to be destroyed in the violent and constantly changing ancient world.

A world ruled largely I'm guessing by people who valued brute strength, power based largely in fear and intimidation, and a subservient population more than they valued folks reading scrolls and speculating about the meaning of life and shit. Many believed that the great library of Alexander was destroyed in a massive fire, and maybe it was. But some conflicting records cast some doubt on that theory. Was it destroyed in a fire or did the world around it move away from intellectualism and destroy its contents or at least allow its contents to fall into disrepair? Be lost. This week, we will discuss the history of ancient Alexandria go over the life of

its founder Alexander the Great a bit discuss some of the uh, Tala Meg Dynasty that turned Alexander's dreams into a reality discuss what we know about the library of Alexandria including the timeline and theories regarding its destruction in another ancient mystery edition of Time Suck. This is Michael McDonald and you're listening to Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suck. Happy Monday Meet Sacks and welcome to the cult of the curious or welcome back. I'm Dan Cummins, the master sucker, revolutionary leader who will not throw himself down the dumb way to shaft when the battle begins. And you are listening to time, sir. Hell, Nimrod Hill,

Sophia Praesby to Bojangles and Glory B to Triple M. Recording this on August 31st, just a few days before this episode comes out and feeling good. Thanks to all the meet sacks who have already watched, liked, shared, left comments underneath my new standup special trying to get better. Over 100,000 views in the first 72 hours, over 140,000 views. As I record this, around 10,000 likes,

5,000 shares, 1700 comments, and all of that helps so much. When you watch this free, self-financed and self-produced comedy special and when you leave a like or you subscribe to my Bad Magic Production YouTube channel or leave a comment, the analytics then feed the algorithm. And the more people who watch and engage in a short amount of time, the more people who like it, the more the algorithm starts to recommend that video to new people. And the more new people who find it, the more effectively I can keep touring and keep working on new specials.

It's all about the DIY model. Especially for a comic living in the entertainment, showbiz, desert of Cordillanite home. Especially for someone without a guest-based comedic podcast that allows one to cross-pollinate with other comics audiences all the time. For me, it's all about existing fans, loving something, spreading it, grassroots style,

and so many of you have done that. So thank you, thank you, thank you. The feedback has been tremendous. I do think it's my best special. I'm so glad a lot of you agree. If you haven't already watched, maybe pause this. And just give it a sample. Again, it's free.

Trying to get better on YouTube now, and then maybe pick up some cool tour merch at BadMagicMarch.com. And also thanks for continuing to blast the street team stickers all over the place and tag and post with BadMagic Street team. So Logan, the art warlock, myself can find those posts. It's awesome. Love the Tiel Swan compound stickers. And also come see my new hour of stand up in Richmond Virginia this weekend

and elsewhere soon. Dancomas.tv for dates and that's it. And now let's um let's let's head to the library. But one where we don't have to fucking whisper because I'm the librarian. I don't fucking care what you're doing here. Go ahead. Shit in the rare books room. I'll fucking clean it up. Use your wing. Use your lady wing to type out death threats on the computers. Center for the president, to any president, there's no fucking rules in this library. Other than I hope you can hear the information, I'll be sharing, because I worked really hard on it,

and I don't want you to hate it. [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ OUTRO MUSIC PLAYING [♪ Did you know that I used to work in a library kind of the fully library. I can say I university just a work study job help pay for tuition. I worked there for two years. For the first year I worked in the ILL department, interlibrary loans. If we didn't have a book, but you could find it in the ILL database, you know, we'd fill out a request form for one of the other libraries and some kind of library consortium or alliance or something, and then they would send it to us to give to you. And obviously, sometimes we'd send our books to other libraries, loan them out, you know,

participate in the same exchange program. Pretty cool, right? Sharing knowledge, helping everyone learn some good academic shit. The second here, I don't really remember what I did. I was on the third floor. I worked for some attractive 40-ish women Carolyn and Connie who seemed to just enjoy having some young guys around to flirt with. In appropriate? Yeah, probably. Did I like it? Yeah, yeah I did. Hey, how's this, Fina? And I also just like being in the library, surrounded by so many books.

I've loved books, you know, as long as I could have been able to read. I would think about all the energy that went into each and every one of them. Do you ever think about that with books? Like at a library with there's so many? Even if it's a book that you hate, someone, or several someone's spent a lot of time on it.

I mean, sometimes it feels like they should have spent a lot more time on it, sure. But, you know, especially with certain self-published titles, but still somebody worked their butt off on putting all the words on paper, going through all the rigmarole to get it printed. And in some libraries, you can find over a million examples of that having been done. All those hours, all those lives devoted to sharing some information that the author thought important enough to devote weeks, if months or longer to writing out. And back in the library of Alexandria, they had to write it all out by hand, papyrus scrolls and quills and

shit. So much time, effort and focus, also share knowledge. I don't imagine this topic being anywhere near the most downloaded episode we've ever had, which is a shame actually, because I think a lot of people find libraries boring, but I don't. I think they're fucking exciting if you can A, read, and B, have a little curiosity about the world around you. I love a good library. Hell, I love a shitty library.

Wish I could hop in a time machine and check out the library of Alexandria, and it sounds like it might've been the best library ever. We won't get to visit it today, of course. I'm not a dark wizard, but at least we can learn about the mysterious content, you know, this ancient house of knowledge. We'll start with sharing a bit of trivia about the world's best libraries today, then off to a brief introduction to some ancient libraries that existed before the library

of Alexandria and paved the way for its creation. Next to Biographical, partial summary of the city's founder Alexander the Great. We've already covered him in a previous episode, so I'm going to too many details. That'll be followed by a timeline of what we know about the library of Alexandria, how it was founded, historic accounts of activities of the library, and theories about his destruction, and then maybe some idiots of the internet. It's been too long. You ready to get started? You don't even need a library card to jump in today. You don't even need to be able to fucking read

for our library adventures today. You just need to shut the fuck up and listen for what's in your life. Too much? Okay, I'll begin. Before getting into any of the stuff I just laid out, let's address the question that I already partially answered at the beginning.

Why do libraries matter? Well, the short answer is books. They can't get pregnant. Can they? Did you know that? You can literally fuck any book on earth and it's never, ever going to get pregnant. It's never going to tell anybody, you know, what you did either. Trust me. That was really creepy. No, here's why libraries matter. There are places for people to fall in love with books. And the idea is held within them. Ideas that become things, things that shape our reality and lead to more ideas that become more things. Right, there are places that feed intellectual curiosity,

curiosity that pushes society forward. There are also cultural record keepers. Places that house records of what we meet Zach's think about and dream about. Records are problems we've solved of theoretical solutions for future problems and so much more Sir Francis Bacon way back in 1597 Rote that knowledge is power. It's sure fucking is hail Nimrod

Former president of South Africa anti-apartheid activist and team meet sack forever member Nelson Mandela understood that. And he said that education is the most powerful weapon you can use to change the world. I totally agree. Libraries have long offered more than just books. They have offered power. There's a lot of truth in that old saying, right? The pen is mightier than the sword. The knowledge books contain provide the ability to better understand the world around us and with that improved knowledge, with that improved understanding, we have more power to change the world. Libraries also act as community hubs, bringing people together and connecting them to worlds beyond the communities that directly surround them.

They can help reinforce the echo chambers that we are in, but they can also help lift us out of them. And in the ancient world, they acted as a culture's most important scientific and academic hub, bringing together the greatest minds of a given place in time, providing them access to an incredible amount of accumulated knowledge, which then gave them their best chance at making new and important connections and discoveries that could and often did benefit all of humanity. The device that you're listening on right now, right, built thanks to accumulated knowledge built thanks to knowledge Knowledge at least if you trace it back far enough. They would ultimately be can take be contained in books

Right knowledge written somewhere at least even if it's just an email Same for the devices I use to record and transmit this information to you every week Information we have to dig into books for their modern digital equivalents to find and understand and we have to dig into books or their modern digital equivalents to find and understand. And information like this historically for many many years existed almost exclusively in libraries. And now even though the internet has given access outside of libraries to so much information, libraries are still so very important. For many people, public libraries are the only place where they have access to the internet, right? Because they can't afford it. Public libraries also let them read books that they can't afford to buy.

Healthy public libraries are crucial to democratic societies because they allow everyone regardless of income to make informed decisions about the world around them, thanks to access to all that archive knowledge. I don't get to the library much anymore, but they will always have a special place in my heart. When I was a kid, the tiny ass,

literally one room Riggins library was where I discovered Stephen King and discovering him led to discovering a love of fiction and creative writing in general. And I wouldn't have found him without the library because A, I didn't have access to a place to buy books and B, didn't have the money. Yeah, I've loved books ever since. So what are the most impressive libraries in the world today? Luckily, there are many. The world's largest library today is one for whatever reason I would have never picked. You care to guess?

It's the library of Congress in Washington, DC. I've heard of this place so many times, but even though it has library in the title, I literally never thought of it as an actual library. I just didn't know that I thought it was like a place where a bunch of stuff was stored for like government officials or something. And yeah, I didn't know that like a citizen could just register for membership,

but you can and it's fucking beautiful. It's a research library, so you can't check out the books but you can examine them and read them on site. Founded in 1800 houses in multiple buildings, approximately 164 million items, and over 800 miles of bookshelves. That's so crazy. It has over 39 million books.

That is a lot of books. And those books are spread out between 470 languages. And the library maintains offices around the world where employees work to continually amass, you know, more international books. And as tons of rare books, such as one of three perfect known copies of the Gutenberg Bible.

And the first book printed in the U.S. the Bay Salm book created back in 1640, very much a modern day library of Alexandria in many ways. What library currently has the most rare books in the world. No one is sure exactly who holds that distinction, but it might be a library not far from Washington DC, not far from the Library of Congress. The Bina Ki Rare Book and manuscript library at Yale University in New Haven, Connecticut proclaims to be the world's largest building dedicated to rare books and manuscripts. Library was built in 1962 and it contains what might be the largest collection of rare books and manuscripts in the world. The library's main book tower has

200,000 rare volumes and its underground collection has over a million rare books. Oldest book in this collection, also the Gutenberg Bible. Pretty old, printed in 1455. But that Bible was created over 1500 years after the great library of Alexandria and all of its scrolls existed. Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland, the 30 sites of the Bodleian libraries of Oxford, England, the Vatican library, and Vatican City also might house the largest collections of rare books and manuscripts in the world. The Vatican Library contains some 1.6 million books, most of them old and rare, and some think illuminati. That there are additional books, they don't publicize, they don't allow you access to. They possess all sorts of occult rituals and evidence that they manipulated the Bible

and are hiding important ancient truths. A lot of conspiratorial speculation surrounding the Vatican Library. But maybe not as much that surrounds the ancient library of Alexandria and what it held. But all the secrets of the world, knowledge that its loss has set us back a thousand years. We'd be like the fucking Jetsons right now, doing Star Trek shit. That library hadn't a burnt. After looking at some new libraries, now let's look at an old one. Alexandria's library was super old. But far from the world's first library.

Not long after we started to write, we started to store what we had written. Which, you know, makes sense. Be pretty fucking weird, pretty funny, if story and scrolls and tablets and such. Didn't happen until we'd already been writing for like thousands of years. That it took just that long for someone to finally wake up and be like, Oh shit! Wait a minute! We might want to look at this stuff later. Oh no, it's just been keeping records and not throwing

everything away. The Neo Assyrian king, Asher Bonipal, found out what was long believed to be the world's first library in the seventh century BCE. Asher Bonipal's library was located in Nineveh, a city in the ancient Assyrian empire encircled by modern-day Mosul Iraq. Asher Bonipal likely established his library sometime shortly after 647 BCE. Long time ago, library held about 30,000 Quneiform tablets organized by subject. Many titles were archival documents, religious incantations, scholarly texts, also some early literature like the Epic of Gilgamesh, Ashurbanipal collected most of these works by stealing from Babylonia and other conquered territories.

And at first when I read that, I thought, oh, it's fucked up. Still no people's precious Flintstone book tablets. I couldn't even just bought his, oh, oh yeah. I mean, back then, how the hell else would you get a big collection of tablets? There were no bookstores. Flintstone book tablets. Why couldn't you just bought his, oh, oh yeah. I mean, back then, how the hell else would you get a big collection of tablets? There were no bookstores. Nothing was published.

Everything had to be painstakingly copied if not stolen. I mean, I guess you could have sent over a scholar with some ancient play dough and a stick and hope they didn't kill him because he was from a foreign rival, but that probably would not have ended well. And the play dough and stick reference, only half a joke, by the probably would not have ended well. And the play don't stick reference, only half a joke, by the way, not random. Mesopotamian,

a Cuneiform tablets were made out of clay. Ancient riders would use clay tablets and read styluses. The stylus was wedge-shaped, pressed into a damp, into the damp clay to leave a mark, and then the rider would leave the damp clay tablet out to harden, just like air dry. Imagine riding like that. How fucking slow and painstaking it would be. How easily it would be for someone to destroy your work. Imagine trying to write a modern novel on a series of small clay tablets. You would have to leave lying around to air dry after, you know, using your little stylus to put little marks in them. Like, you would need access to a giant warehouse to get just

one book done. Imagine reading someone's novel this way. You know, this is a huge area, you know, a bunch of unread tablets, you know, laid out in order, and then you have to stack them on shelves or something once you've read them. And then what if you couldn't remember what somebody did a few hundred tablets back? How long would it take you to find that fucking information? Just, oh, wait, God, dammit. Who's Larry again?

Ah, fuck. Ah, he hasn't shown up in like 20 chapters. This is gonna drive me crazy unless I go back to chapter one and refresh my memory, or was it chapter two, or chapter three, where did I put those tablets? I think they're somewhere stacked by the back door. Damn it. It's so fucking different than now.

Think about how good we have it today comparatively. With the ability to read vast quantities of information that can all be stored in the space no longer than a smartphone, no longer a little thumb drive. How amazing to have options now like key word searches. The main purpose of Asher Bonipal's library was to preserve the history and culture of Mesopotamia, but then Asher Bonipal's library was burned to the ground during the 612 BCE sack of Nineveh by the Babylonians, Persians, and others during the fall of the Neosyrian Empire. And how much information do we lose?

Not much, actually, maybe none. The collapsed walls of the library buried the clay tablets, and then luckily the fire helped preserve them. And that is one of the few advantages of writing shit down on clay tablets. If your library burns down to the ground, your books might end up in better condition. Over 2000 years later, archaeologists discover these tablets, and now we know far more about the culture of the ancient Assyrians than we otherwise would have. From 1849 to 1854, a team led by a British archaeologist and a a seriologist from modern day Iraq found thousands of

kuneiform tablets and fragments at ninova and carefully excavated them. And that led to the determination of Asher Boni-Paul was the first to create a library. But now we have additional historic evidence that shows that's not true. Now we can confidently say, fuck Asher Boni-Paul if we wanted to,

which is probably don't. The oldest known written documents found so far have been discovered in Uruk, Iraq. Estimated, the estimated date of those documents is from around 3,400 to 3,000 BCE, over 5,000 years ago. And it is likely that these documents were stored in something akin to a library, if not something exactly like a library. So they've been around a long time. According to the essay before Alexandria,

libraries in the ancient Near East by D.T. Pots, a professor of Middle Eastern Archaeology at the University of Sydney, while Asher Bonipal may have been amongst the most as Ellis collectors of manuscripts, the world has yet known, his bibliophile interest grew out of a much more ancient tradition, that archive will behave

you're emerged concurrently with the origins of writing in the fourth millennium BC is not a matter for doubt. Thus a good 2.5 to 3,000 years of archival curatorial registration behavior can be documented in the Tigris Euphrates River Valley. Pots also wrote to the active writing in ancient Mesopotamia was devised purely and simply as a solution to an account technical problem.

Not of the perpetuation of myths, epics, hymns, historical records, or royal propaganda. Writing was done in the beginning almost exclusively as a way to store information such as economic texts, lexical texts, wordless titles, names, math, other kinds of lists. Humans were developing what Pot's describes as archive will behavior. Old, old predecessors to the internal and external hard drives, thumb drives and cloud technology. We now used store information in private archives, which usually contain records of transactions and real estate purchases were fairly common in the ancient world by the second millennium BCE. All these took the form of tablets, kept in people's homes, ancient tablets sitting

on some ancient equivalent of a bookshelf perhaps, and because I'm childish, now I'm picturing some old clay tablets hidden under some ancient dad's beds. Just hand drawings of naked ladies, carved into clay with styluses, air dried on tablets, you know. Slid into the ancient mattress.

Very funny to me to picture some old Mesopotamian dude, just jerking off to basically a stick figure. Lady with some cartoonishly big boobs just oh yeah yeah yeah oh that's nice. Oh yeah you liked it. Oh you liked it. I'm not sure why that old guy talked while jerking off. For the record he's not based on me. I don't talk to myself when I jerk off. I do it in silence with an atmosphere of some light shame sometimes surrounding me. Moving along. The ancient Samaritan stored all kinds of tablets. Probably not the kind I just described. The head libraries and scribal houses, temples and palaces by the early dynastic period from

2,900 to 2,350 BCE. Many Mesopotamian scribes even kept their own private libraries. There was all kinds of stamp and an air drying going on. The Acadians from 2350 to 2150 BCE and Babylonians from 2005 40 BCE also had libraries. And in addition to Ashramonipal, other Assyrian kings had libraries. But again, these writings primarily a lot closer to today's accounting ledgers, legal documents, legislative records than they would be to a lot of novels or penthouse or anything read for fun. Does anyone still read penthouse? By the way, I was curious after I just threw out a

random reference and I looked them up. They're still around and I fucking can't believe it. Like they're still around in magazine form and like tactile holding your hand magazine form. Who is subscribing to penthouse in 2023? What an interesting demographic for your, you know, audience. Just guys too old to understand how the internet works, but not too old to be done jerk and off to porn max. Moving things towards ancient Greeks now, who had found the library of Alexandria, Roy McCloud, professor of history at the University of Sydney,

an editor of the library of Alexandria, Center of Learning in the Ancient World, noted that the six-century BCE, Athenian tyrant, Pisistritus, oh my gosh, Pisistritus, was the first to be found, was the first to found the Library of Greece, which was then taken by King Zerxes of Persia. This library to quote McCloud, set a fashion for sovereigns and sovereign cities to seek out the books of all peoples, especially

those of alien and conquered lands. And by the act of translating, render them their languages and their peoples, members of the dominant culture. It's interesting. I learned about all these other peoples and by translating their written records into your own language, you were kind of assimilating them into your culture. Also sounds like libraries where becoming a status symbol of sorts, proof of how culture your city was. So now that we've gone over, you know, briefly a few modern equivalents to the Library of Alexandria, and also a tradition of libraries existing before the Library of Alexandria, let's talk about the knowledge lover who founded the city. The great library would be said in a dude who envisioned the city having a world class center of knowledge. Derek

skeet skeet mullet. Hey, yeah. Hey, motherfucker. If you know one damn thing about Derek skeet skeet mullet, you know, the Derek is all about them fucking books. It's shit, baby. Woo. No, Alexander the Great. What I meant to say, but I do like a guy that sounds like the guy I just talked like for a second being super into books. Not only a great military conquerer was Alexander the Great, but also a man who greatly valued education and a man who loved the library. I'll cover that guy in full in episode two, ten, just going to refresh him a bit here and go over points that lead eventually to the library of Alexandria. And we'll do that after today's mid-show, sponsor break. Thanks for sticking around. Now let's learn a bit about the man who dreamed up

the city of Alexandria and envisioned it having the world's greatest house of knowledge. Alexander the Great was once the king of ancient Macedonia. He was Macedonian, but frequently called Greek, because Macedonians ethnically are Greek. Considered one of the greatest military leaders of all time, and he established one of the largest empires in human history, which stretched from the Balkans to Pakistan. Alexander's military campaigns influenced later Greek and Roman generals.

He accomplished so much he took on a godlike status after he died. According to the world history in cyclopedia, he is known as the great, both for his military genius and his diplomatic skills, and handling the various popluses of the regency conquered. He is further recognized for spreading Greek culture, language, and thought from Greece throughout Asia Minor, Egypt, and Mesopotamia to India, and thus initiating the era of the Hellenistic period, lasting from 323 to 31 BCE. Alexander the Great was Alexander the Third, and he was born in 356 BCE in Pella, Macedonia.

His parents were King Philip II and Queen Olympus. King Philip most famous for founding Derek Queen and Queen Olympus invented Ray Narebeer. That's pretty fucking dope. If they did that, it doesn't matter what they did. For today's episode, for today's episode, they were just royal parents. Alexander later called himself the son of Zeus,

how awkward for poor Philip. I guess Derek Clingus wasn't good enough for Alex. He was embarrassed by his father's predilection for chocolate dip ice cream cones and peanut butter, puppy chow blizzards. Alexander Clingus related to the Greek heroes Achilles and Hercules because that's just, you know, what ambitious royals did back then, claimed lineage to the gods. We still do versions of that shit today. People walking around right now who

honestly think that God sent this or that politician to literally save us from the fariest underworld forces. We are so similar in so many ways to our ancient selves. Alexander's mother Olympias told him he was a virgin birth. She was impregnated not by a man, but by horny old Zeus. If you recall the Greek gods episode Zeus, fucked a lot. And Alexander may have truly believed his mother's claim. So Alexander in addition to being a badass conqueror,

maybe possibly super gullible. For some reason, I picture him being told of this when he's a grown-ass man. Just what? Still just my father? You were a virgin when you had me. Oh shit. I got sit down. You blew my mind. Also interesting that the concept of virgin birth being associated with a male God and pregnant a impregnating a female human not unique or novel to the story of Jesus. There was a tradition of that claim already in place. Alexander's birth associated with events like the bright star or a bright star over Macedonia and the destruction of the temple of Artemis and Ephesus.

Alexander's father, Philip II was in addition to maybe being an ice cream warlock known for transforming Macedonia, a region in the northern most part of the Greek peninsula, into a mighty military power. Philip dreamed of conquering the Persian Empire, which his son would actually accomplish later in life. Fafatha, you were bent the knee, you'll be beheaded Fafatha. On age 11, Alexander named Alexander Tamed, Tamed, not named, an untamedable horse named Busefilis, who becomes lifelong companion, which was his first show of bravery and a strong character. When Alexander was 13, his father called on the Greek philosopher Aristotle, I've heard

of him, to tutor his son. And here's where his love of learning and books and such might have truly been developed. Alexander studied with Aristotle until he was 16. Aristotle taught him literature, science, medicine, and philosophy. Aristotle perhaps just as well known as his student. Aristotle was considered a master in many fields of study, biology, politics, physics, metaphysics, agriculture, literature, medicine, mathematics, ethics, logic, hopscotch, maybe not that one, theater. He was called the man who knew everything,

which sounds like a lot of pressure. Like when you're famous for being the man who knows everything, think about how many things you can't do without fear of being mocked or taking off your pedestal. Why, you can't ask for directions. Can't try and pay for something with the wrong amount of money.

Can't forget the name of someone you've met before. Oh, you don't remember my name, do you? Oh, the man who knew everything except for fucking best name. Bullshit, you sham. People might not have been that nitpicky. Aristotle is linked with Socrates and Plato in the triad of the three greatest Greek philosophers. And still today, arguably the most famous philosophers in the Western world, at least for people who are not philosophers, philosophy students or philosophy professors. Aristotle lived from 384 to TBD. He's thought to still be alive.

I mean, he's old. He's really fucking old right now. He's over 2400 years old, his back hurts. But he's believed to still be hanging in there somewhere. No, he's not a vampire or a highlander. Unfortunately, he died not a vampire or a highlander. Unfortunately, he died in 322 BC. Aristotle was born in Northern Greece. His father was the court physician to a Macedonian king. Aristotle's parents died when he was young. At the age of 17, he

was sent to Plato's Academy, where he would spend roughly 20 years as a student and then a teacher. Although he was a student of Plato, Aristotle disagreed with some of his teacher's philosophy. One of Aristotle's main beliefsed with some of his teacher's philosophy. One of Aristotle's main beliefs was that the purpose of existence is happiness, which could be achieved by living a virtuous life and developing personal excellence called erotate. I like that. I do your best to live the most virtuous life you can, work it being the best, you can

be it, whatever you do, and don't just do that for ego do it for happiness. World history and cyclopedia rights Aristotle was a to law telliologist an individual who believes in end causes and final purposes in life and believe that everything in everyone in the world had a purpose for existing and further these final purposes could be ascertain from observation of the known world. Plato believed in the realm of forms. According to philosophy now, this means that any conceivable thing or property has a form, which is a perfect example of that thing. World history in cyclopetia provides an example of the contrasting beliefs of Plato and Aristotle. They explain that in Plato's belief, a horse was not beautiful just because one admired

how it looked. It was beautiful objectively through participation in the form of beauty. Aristotle did not accept the theory of forms. He believed a horse was beautiful because it had characteristics that people just chose to consider beautiful. Essentially, beauties in the eye of the beholder, what is beautiful to one might be ugly to another, right? Beauty is a concept. Therefore not objective, it's subjective.

Aristotle also believed in the prime mover, a force that set life, set the entire universe into motion, but remains unmoved itself. And Aristotle sometimes called this prime mover, God. And I like that, right? A creative force that exists outside the laws of the rest of the universe. I have no proof, but I also believe in an entity, a deity of that type. Hey, on them, Rod. Aristotle rejects Plato's belief that no one can actually learn anything and that all

learning his memories from a past life. One of Aristotle's most famous ideas is the concept of the golden mean. Aristotle wrote, in regard to pleasures and pains, the mean is self-control, and the excess is self-indulgence. In taking and giving money, the mean is generosity. The excess and deficiency are extravagance and stingingness. In these vices, excess and deficiency work in opposite ways, an extravagant man exceeding and spending and deficient in taking while he's stingy man exceeds and taking and is deficient in spending. This is great. This is basically everything in moderation, right? All good things in moderation.

I do love when I get the chance to come across it here exploring a bit of ancient philosophy. I love how despite all of the technological, industrial, and scientific advances over the last 23-plus centuries, we're still philosophically pondering the same concerns and questions that Aristotle was. By the same guiding principle, still hold true. The current cultural fascination with work-life balance, very much to me, feels like in everything in moderation, argument. Plato died in 347 BCE and his nephew then took over the Academy. Aristotle left Athens, spent five years on the coast of Asia Minor, where he researched

marine biology, married his wife, Pithius, and in 342 BCE he was called to Macedonia by King Philip, by fucking dairy king, dairy queen king. I just want to make that association stick with you, just to complete the nonsense. If I just want you to be fucking driving down the road and you see a dairy queen, you're like, ah, king Philip's second Macedonia. Aristotle returned to Athens in 335 BCE. He was unable to own property because he was not a citizen. So he rented a space in the Lyceum, which was once a wrestling school.

Students from all around wanted to attend the Lyceum and study under Aristotle. Lyceum was called the Parapetetic School because of Aristotle's habit of walking as he taught. The name comes from the Greek word for walking around. Aristotle wrote most of his some 200 works at the Lyceum, but only 31 survived. How many of the others may have once been housed at the Library of Alexandria? All 200 of them? Some think it's surviving works where actually lecture notes from the school. Aristotle is perhaps best known for identifying the three methods of rhetoric, ethics, aka ethos, emotional, aka pathos, and logos, aka logic. He also divided rhetoric into types of speeches such as ceremonial, judicial, and deliberative. This earned Aristotle the

nickname of the father of rhetoric. And Aristotle fled Athens after the death of Alexander the Great. He died in 322 BCE from a digestive complaint. So maybe a heart attack, maybe stomach cancer, some virus, who knows. It cracks me up when some people talk about how no one in the ancient world ever died a cancer. Did they know because they were eating cleaner? No, they died all the time. Same shit we died of today. They just didn't know what to call it back then.

They didn't know what shit was back then. Now that we know a bit about this influential figure who molded the man who had found Alexandria and demanded have an amazing library, let's transition back to the life of Alexander for just a little while longer. On our way towards learning about the ancient library built in his most famous city.

When Alexander was 16, his dad left for battle, put him in charge of Macedonia. Imagine that. Imagine being put in charge of a nation, any nation at the age of 16. 16 year old me would have been a terrible leader. Blow up that ant hill, blow it up. Do it, or I'll have you be headed.

Use a lot of explosives and shit too. Like I literally want to have- oh this would be so cool. I want to have ants raining down upon a good 10 seconds after the explosion. It'd be so fucking sick. And another thing, King Cummins would like a massage. Nothing creepy. Don't look- don't look at me! Like you think I'm being creepy. I just want a couple hot ladies rubbing me down for my lactic acid and shit. And you old guy in the corner, won't you, won't you do a little jig for me? Amuse me. Do funny little jig and hum a nice little tune

while you do it and don't fucking look at me. While you're dancing or have you killed? Alexander, I don't know if I'd be that bad, but maybe Alexander luckily had already spent years prepping to lead a nation by the time he was 16. He was a lot more mature. A 330 APC in an effort to prove his military skills, 18-year-old Alexander, led a cavalry against the Athenians and the sacred band of Thebes, highly skilled army of male lovers

in the Battle of Kerenia. Talk about this battle or the band of Thebes in the Battle of Kerenia. Talk about this battle or the band of thieves in the Alexander the Great episode. 150 pairs of male lovers who are also the most feared fighting force of thieves. The most elite warriors, warriors who ended the battlefield dominance of the legendary Spartans. That's not much harder you would fight if you were fighting for your lover, who's fighting for you just beside you. That must have been a fucking wild battle. Also, I bet they had some legendary victory celebrations.

Fight, conquer, get your dick sucked. At this point in history, Greece was a significant world power, but King Philip had now turned the Macedonian army into a feared force to be reckoned with. The Macedonians proceeded to defeat one Greek city-state after another and conquer all of what is now Greece.

Two years later in 336 BCE, Philip was assassinated by his bodyguard, Paulsenius. Philip was attacked while entering a theater amongst the crowd of supporters. As he made his entrance, Paulsenius ran towards him, stabbed him between the ribs and then fled. And then he died almost later. He actually tripped on a route. It's fucking kind of a bummer. And then was killed by

other bodyguards. Paulsenius was once Phillips' favorite lover, but he'd been replaced by another young man. Paulsenius mocked the new lover who was offended and tried to prove his masculinity by fighting in a battle where he was killed. And then retaliation, Adelis, a general of a Philip whose niece married the king, decided to invite Paulsenius to a feast and get him drunk. And then he was beaten by nobles, may have been also raped by them, and then given to some mule tears who raped him. Mule tears, people who drive a pack of mules around.

I didn't realize until this episode, unless I forgot that that was a common enough position to need its own word. That's a little weird to me. Never met a mule tear. Anyway, Palsenius went to Phillipa Health, Phillip sent Adelis away to become Commander in Asia Minor. He made Pausenius one of his personal bodyguards,

but over time, Pausenius developed resentment and hatred towards Phillip. And this story sounds fucking crazy. Why would you invite a former lover, who you spurned, one of your generals had beaten and also raped by some militaires, right, to be your bodyguard. A lot of fucking baggage there.

A lot of potential reasons for holding some resentment, maybe some murderous rage. Seems like there's a good lesson here. Don't ever hire a bodyguard. Or used to be one of your fuckboys. Or maybe don't hire them if they used to be your fuck boy, but you go tired of them and you cast them aside. And then a member of your inner circle had them gang raped by horny mule drivers. That's it. That's the lesson. Those are words to live by. Some wonder if Pocernius had been used by someone else who also had motive to kill Philip. Alexander blamed the king of Persia for arranging his father's murder.

Others pointed to the finger at Alexander's mother Olympias, one of seven or eight wives he had. She had more status because she was the mother of the heir to the throne, but still also definitely possibly had motive. If I had six or seven other wives, in addition to Lindsay, I don't think she'd be totally content. In some situation where sure I was fucking a bunch

of other women on a regular basis, but hey, she had my most important kid I think I'd have to sleep with when I open or in a room by myself with a door that has a lot of locks on it This is also crazy. This is all a recipe for so much drama. No wonder you got killed All this guy was living dangerously. I was believed that You know she and Philip actually hated each other and she was held responsible when Adalus's niece and her newborn baby were murdered Soon after Philip was assassinated. Others have suspected Alexander himself of having his father killed because his father's assassination, of course, was, you know, pretty beneficial to him gave him the throne.

Whatever the motive and the culprits, the outcome was the same at the age of 20 Alexander, young man, the new king of Macedonia. He quickly has his rivals killed before they can challenge him. He quashes rebellions for independence in northern Greece and then continues with his father's plans to conquer the fucking world. Alexander and his army moved towards Persia, fighting both Persian and Greek forces, conquering much of Asia minor in 333 BCE. Alexander's army battled some Persians led by Darius III and what is now Southern Turkey. Alexander's men were outnumbered, but they still won the battle.

Darius and his soldiers fled. Dude even left his wife and family behind, and his mother was reportedly so upset and disgusted that she disowned him and adopted Alexander. I may have covered this in the Alexander the Great episode. Imagine some version of that. Imagine like getting in a fist fight with somebody in front of your mom for whatever reason. Maybe you're both at a bar, you know, with some other family or maybe you're having dinner at Cracker Bear. I love Cracker Bear. I've eaten there with my mom actually many

times. And then somebody from another table challenges you to a fight. Maybe they're pissed at you because you got your cornbread before they did and they're fucking hangry or maybe you've been crushing it, playing that weird peg game and they can't figure it out. They keep leaving three pegs, you know, and the game keeps saying that they're dumb. And in front of everyone, they beat your fucking ass. And then as you pull yourself up off the floor and wipe some blood off your face,

you see your mom hugging them. And she's like, you're not my son anymore. You're a sad little bitch boy. Hank, Hank is a fucking champion. And Hank is my new son. And I love him very much and That she sits at Hank's table and acts like you don't exist I'm guessing Darrys' mom

Did what she did for different reasons. I guess she did that for survival reasons, right? Since her son is now no longer around a defender. She's got to make a new alliance Funny to imagine though that she was just so embarrassed. She's like I don't even fucking want him to be my son anymore While conquering more person strongholds Alexander also conquered some Phoenician cities, Phoenician and ancient region of the coast, East coast of the Mediterranean. Today it's Lebanon, some parts of Syria and Israel. January 322 BC, Alexander lays siege to the island of Tyre, located on the coast of southern Lebanon, thousands of people executed, sold into slavery before it's all over, and then Alexander moved on to Egypt, where he found it, imagine a drumroll please.

The great city of Alexandria! When he arrived, it was just a small port called Ricottis. When Alexander saw the location of the future city, he noted that quote, the site was the very best in which to found a city, and that city would prosper. Alexander envisioned the port becoming a massive commercial center. He created a plan for the city. According to lore, uh, by pouring some flour into a grid pattern. According to the Greek biographer historian and philosopher Plutarch, while Alexander was designing the city grid, a group of birds rose out of the river and

ate all the flour. And the first Alexander saw this as a bad omen, but sooth savers assured him it was actually a sign that the city would prosper. With this assurance, Alexander now ordered the builders to get started and continued on with his military conquest. I mean, did that happen? A bunch of fucking birds coming up out of the river, suddenly eating up all the flour. What?

They couldn't shoe off these magical river birds, right? but a bit of myth building woven in here, but still Alexander had a lot of big plans for his namesake city. Alexander's also said to have during planning for the incredible future city, said to have commanded that there be a library built and dedicated to the muses. The ancient geographer, Strabo, who from 64 B.C. to 21 C. described the city plan in detail. He wrote, see what I see and shit like it's fucking big, it's cool looking and nice and shit like so fucking like jewels and rocks and but like nice rocks. No I wish you wrote that.

I wish I wish you wrote exactly that like I would I can just picture some archaeologists be like are you see it am I am I going crazy. Did this guy actually write the way I'm interpreting it. No he wrote the shape of the plan of the city is like a climates, which is a military cloak. The long sides are those washed by the water, having a diameter of about 30 stadia. And the short ones are the is moths is each of seven or eight stadia that are pressed together by the sea on one side and lake on the other as a whole. It is cut up by the streets

that are suitable for riding horses and driving charrots to with them are exceedingly wide, spread out more than the plethorawn, which cut each other into two at right angles. The city has the most beautiful precincts and royal palaces, which are a fourth or third part of the entire circuit. Each of the kings, from a love of splendor, made some adornment to the public monuments, and would also expand his own residence in addition to what already existed. Everything is connected with one another, the harbor, or what is outside it. Stadia, by the way, is a Greek unitive measurement, thought to be somewhere between 150 and 210 meters, so about 500, 700 feet. Alexander's commander, Cleomenes of Nacrotis, was left to oversee construction based on the plans of the architect

Dino Dino-Crotis of Rhodes when Alexander took his army to do more concrete Alexander was right about Alexandria's future being bright It would go on to become the largest city in the world at one point About a million people were scholars from all branches of learning would gather By October of 331 bc Alexander had left Egypt never never to return. Following his death, one of his generals would head back to Alexandria when his newly gained empire was divided up between them. Alexander never named a successor. He was 32 when he died.

When asked who would succeed him, he simply said, the strongest. And after Alexander's death, Tallah me chose to take over Egypt. Tala me now, Tala me the first, reportedly stole Alexander's corpse as it was being transported back to Macedonia. He took it to Alexandria, hoping to fulfill a prophecy. Does the land in which Alexander was laid to rest would become most prosperous. Alexander's body was reported the house

in a mausoleum in Alexandria that also later contained the burial places of 13 Tala mate kings. Sure, seemed like the prophecy came true. I don't know if it was, you know, his body was really stolen and taken there, but things worked out for Talimat. After finishing Alexander's conquest over Egypt and making Alexandria the capital city, Alexandria quickly became one of the most prosperous cities of the ancient world and an intellectual mecca, and with all that prelude and context established,

let's now begin the timeline of the library of Alexandria. Right after one more special sponsor, but you're gonna like this one. Today's time suck is brought to you by the new natal fed, a not-culti group anymore at all, a dedicated group of communist freedom fighters preparing for a real revolution. Are you ready to toss off the Yoku

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Put patriarchy on work day! Vinceremos, Fibba, the revolution! Yeah, I did struggle a little bit with that one word. Hey, if you're really lost right now, check out last week's episode. Or just stick around and continue with this week's topic in today's timeline. TALAMEE THE FIRST SOTER TALAMEE THE FIRST SOTER lived from 366 to 282 BCE. The Macedonian Greek became the King of Egypt

and the founder of the Tolemic, Tolemic dynasty that would eventually lead to another former Suck subject, Cleopatra. Tolemie added Sodor to his name, meaning Savier. Fuck yeah bro, nice. LinkedIn's self-to-adjiption god, just like Alexander linked himself to Greek gods. Everyone's super cool, had some good Godblood in their heart back then. He quickly helped improve Egypt's economy

by introducing Egypt's first coinage, moved the capital from Memphis to Alexandria because he didn't want to be influenced by the existing priests and other officials living in Memphis, new ruler, new city, new capital. Dawn of a new era, there's a new sheriff in town. You King Tut, mummy loving mother fuckers, buckle up. Because the leadership Alexander became more Greek than Egyptian

and Greek became the language of the Egyptian government and commerce. No member of the Talamei dynasty would actually bother to learn to speak Egyptian until Cleopatra, the seventh, who would reign centuries later from 51 to 30 BCE. Talamei tried to establish a strong connection with the Egyptian people by establishing a cult of Alexander and framing himself as the legitimate heir. Alexander was now a so-called state god and the priest of Alexander became the highest

clerical position in Egypt. While that cult was ultimately unsuccessful, and the government would withdraw funding for his plans for a library. A library, quite possibly based on Alexander's vision for a great library, were very successful. The founding of the Library of Alexandria is obscure, and there is a lot of disagreement over exactly when it was built. However, believe by many, if not most, that around 295 BC, taught me the first start out the gifted scholar and orator, Demetrius of

Feloron, the exiled governor of Athens, to help establish a library. Demetrius also a student of Aristotle. A esteemed author and historian, former professor Roy McCloud, who we referenced a few times now, writes that the library was established for prestige, for cultural intelligence, and for the practical purposes of administration and rule. Moreover, unlike its rivals at Pergamum or Ephesus, Alexandria would welcome learn Greeks to come and work together to pursue mathematics and medicine, literature and poetry, physics and philosophy.

Such would be works in whose reflected glory the Etolemies would shine. Finally, unlike its rivals, the new library was to be universal. It would aim for complete coverage of everything ever written. That is so fucking cool. Over 2,000 years before the advent of the internet, they essentially wanted to create an analog version of the web. The web, if the web, was one big fucking library that housed the sum total of accumulated human knowledge.

Numerado proves, Numerado proves so hard. Luciferina says it was glorious. She's staying out there and amuse herself to stracking ancient nerds. She didn't read too much though, no need to read when you're virtually omnipotent. Demetrius wanted the library to house a copy of every book, play, record, scroll, et cetera, in the world to not just rival but best, the greatest libraries of Athens and anywhere else.

Early efforts focused on gathering collections with works on statecraft, kingship, and translating local literature into Greek. What ancient place might we have lost when the library was lost? How many works of Sophocles? How many works written by names will never know now? With the patronage of Tallahmeet Demetetrius organized the construction of the temple of the Muses, also called the Museum, and this will be the great library of Alexandria. And did you know that the word Museum comes from the word Muses? Museum comes from an ancient Greek word, I won't even try to fucking say, that means house of Muses. In Greek mythology, the muses were patron deities of the arts, goddesses of literature, science, you know, and more.

The structure was dedicated to three of my favorite things, literature, science, and art, and it was a shrine complex modeled after the Lyceum of Aristotle in Athens and would become a center for intellectual and philosophical lectures and discussion. Temple of the muses was located within the grounds of the Royal Palace in a big area called the Palace Quarter in the Greek District of Alexandria. There were shrines for each of the nine muses. There were also places to hear lectures, laboratories or laboratories, observatories, gardens, zoo, living quarters, dining halls, of course, library, play sounds, fucking awesome, like a really cool resort for people who maybe want to do more than just only sit by the

pool and drink cocktails. I mean, do some of that, sure. And have some more, geez, you know, that's what he did back then. But also study and have interesting discussions. And the museum, the library, was not just a place where scrolls were stored, it was a place for scholars to gather, to learn, work, debate, teach, produce more academic works. The Library of Alexandria would become what is believed by many now to be, you know, again, one of the largest libraries of the ancient world is not the largest. Inside the walls of the library, one could find

the ancient works of Homer, Plato, Socrates, many others. If we have no evidence of this place now, I mean, who knows? What could have been held there? Maybe a bunch of old, super sexy fucking hot Mesopotamian clay tablet stick figure porn. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's nice, that's nice. Oh, you like that? You like that? And again, I don't say stuff like that

in real life series sex situations, but now I do kind of want to. Just a freak, Lindsay out. My God, just the middle of sex is, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you like that? I'm not sure if that joke would be worth it. The library was a wonder of the ancient world. People travel from all over to visit and study there, probably, according to the world history and cyclopedia, the idea of a universal library situated in cities celebrated as the center of learning in the ancient world has attained mythical status. The mystery has been perpetuated

by the fact that no architectural remains or archaeological finds that can definitively be attributed to the ancient library have ever been recovered. A lack of physical proof has even persuaded some to wonder if the fabulous library actually ever existed at all in the form popularly imagined. Well, whether or not the library became as big as we imagined it once was

taught me the first never lived to see whatever its golden age was his son taught me the second one. taught me the second rule from 282 following his father's death when taught me the first was between 84 and 85 years old to 246 BCE taught me the second Philadelphia's meaning the sibling loving rule during the golden age of the Egyptian kingdom. That's quite the moniker, the sibling loving. In the Cleopatra suck, we did go over how the Talamis

were truly a family of family fuckers. Talamis the second married his older sister, but not just because she was hot. And he'd been pining after her ever since they took past together as kids. No, it was tradition. A new tradition, a way of proving that the Talamis were Egyptian.

Before the Talamis, sibling marriage, part of some Egyptian royal practices, right? Keeping the power in house. To the Greeks, as I hope it is to you, it was, you know, see, it was pretty fucking gross. It was shocking. They like myself, you know, they frowned. They frowned on sister fucking.

I'm sure the Talammi's engagement in incest engaging in incest was a huge point of gossip back in Athens and other parts of Greece. Pretty funny to me that this family of rulers who oversaw the construction of this amazing house of knowledge also sister fuckers. To be fair, I guess, you know, they didn't know a lot about genetics back then,

about how keeping your family tree real real skinny was also a good way to potentially end up with the brain that was real real tiny. Tell me the second oversight of the completion of the Library of Alexandria during his rule, the Talamei kingdom would grow to its largest. Talamei the second used a combination of diplomacy and war to increase his kingdom's power and enacted economic policies that increased the agricultural and financial output of Egypt. Talamei pushed Hellenization in the use of Greek as the official language of Egypt. Tallahunee was well-educated in Greek literature and philosophy. Some of his teachers were Zenedodos of Ephesus, who would become the first librarian of Alexander,

the first head of the library in Stratto of Lamsikus, who was the director of the Lyceum. And at some point during his reign, a royal library was established to complement the temple of the Muses. More scrolls added to the massive complex. It is not known if this was a separate building next to the museum or an extension of the existing building. The royal library now became the main manuscript library.

The museum in the library had overlapping purposes, but separate jurisdiction according to Roy McLeod. The exact location of the library unknown but evidence shows it was central to the city. Because the museum was technically a shrine, it also had religious status and legal protections. The library was directed by a series of librarians appointed by the king. The librarian would also act as a royal tutor. Let's talk about some of the bad ass librarians, this place employed. This is really cool. During the 13 years of acting as the first librarian, Zenedotus of Ephesus introduced an organizational system on the materials in the Library of Alexandria whereby text would be assigned to different

rooms based on subject matter, verse or prose, literary or scientific, and the various subclassifications within each classification. This all sounds obvious now, but he might have been the first to really do it this way. Nassastie being the mother of invention, he would have needed to figure something like this out if there had never been a library like this massive before. Within their subjects, Zenodotus organized the works alphabetically by the first letter of the name of the author. This principle of alphabetic organization may have been introduced by Zenodotus, something bookstores and libraries around the world have been doing ever since.

In addition library staff under the management of Zenodotus would attach a small tag to the ends of scrolls. And these tags would give authors names as well as other identification. If the author's name was unknown, you know, the work would at least have an identifiable title. And those tags enabled the scrolls to be easily returned to the area in which they had been classified and also ensure that the library users didn't have to unroll each scroll, you know, in order to see what it contained.

This is believed by many historians to be the first recorded use of metadata, which was a landmark in library history. It's very cool. I never thought about how someone had to have been the first to come up with an effective method on how to properly classify label and organize library's contents in a way that would make it easy for users

to find information and return the information to the proper place. Otherwise, you have this massive collection of hundreds of thousands of scrolls. It's fucking nightmare. You spend more time trying to find the right info than you would actually studying the info. Following Zenedotus, the second librarian would be

Apolognes of Rhodes, or Apolognes of Rhodes. We don't know exactly when Apolognes took over. His name sounds like fucking Bologna to me. We don't know when fucking Bologna got took over. The dates for most events associated with library vary. The date he has thought to have taken over very soul wildly is not even worth mentioning. And Apolognes, balonia, mostly known for being the author of the Argonautica. The Argonautica was an epic Greek poem, the only surviving

Hellenistic epic, telling the myth of the void of Jason and the Argonauts to retrieve the golden fleece. His epic incorporated the research he did at the library in geography, ethnography, comparative religion, a Homeric literature. He also developed a love story between the hero and heroine more than anyone before him that we know of and to this big epic poem, compelling narrative. He seems to have been the first narrative poet to study the pathology of love and this work would go on to greatly influence Roman poets like Virgil who would then later influence Western poets whose work influences the authors of today. A lot of the methods we still employ to study research and write and record both fiction

and nonfiction all possibly pioneered at the Library of Alexandria. Apolognes, Bolognes, succeeded by Eratosthenes of Cyrene, a noted geographer and mathematician, Eratosthenes taught that the oceans of the world were connected, that Africa could be circumnavigated, that one could sail west from Spain to reach India. He proposed that the earth was round, even calculating the correct circumference of the earth within 50 miles.

Dude did that shit without a fucking calculator. Did that without anyone ever actually traveling around the world to prove he was correct? Motherfucker knew that the world was round and not flat over 22 centuries before the incredibly uneducated flat earth or crowd of today started posting dumb shit on Facebook. I wonder what he would think if he was like able to time travel to today. Seriously? You still have people who think the earth is flat, even though you have satellites orbiting around the earth, even though you have a fucking space station floating around the earth, taking video.

Wow, ignorance. What a devastating disease of the mind. It erodes the part of the brain able to appropriately process just any and all factual proof. Aratosthenes also accurately deduced the length of the year, established a calendar that Julius Caesar would later utilize a calendar Europe would lean on until the 16th century. And Aritostonese, when Aritoffanese of Byzantium died in 18B-C-E, sorry, this, or after, okay, got you, I fucked up my own. There's somebody

pronunciation guides. I got a little complicated. After Eras toss these, uh, he doesn't die. He just moves on. And then Eras stuff a knees of Byzantium. Now, he becomes a new librarian in 180 BC. This dude credited with the invention of the accent system used in Greek to designate pronunciation, also thought by many to have invented one of the first forms of pronunciation. Many think he invented the first forms of what we now call commas, colons, and semi-colons. That's crazy. All that tied to the Library of Alexandria. And just like all the good infomercials used to say, but wait, there's more.

The last recorded librarian was Eras Starkus. I can't one of these guys be named fucking Bobby. Last recorded librarian was Tom. No, it was Aristarchus of Samothorys, and he was appointed around 153 BCE during the reign of Tallah me the 6th. Aristarchus considered the most influential of all scholars of Homeric poetry. Most of what he did has been lost. Another ancient writer recorded that Aristarchus wrote around 800 different treatises about a variety of works in various

ancient Greek poets, playwrights, etc. Who were they? We don't fucking know. We might not ever know because that information is lost. Underneath the librarians, translators made up the majority of the library staff. They were called scribblers. hilarious. These guys scribbled their fucking asses off. As more and more ships brought more and more scrolls into the harbor of Alexandria. I'll talk about that more later. Scrolls, they would copy with their scribbling. Give the copy back to the whoever owned the original document. How many people were working in the library? Well as early as 283 BCE, taught me the second encourage a community of 30 to 50 men to live and working in the library? Well, as early as 283 BCE, taught me the second encourage a community of 30 to 50 men to live and work in the library portion of the complex.

These men, and it seems that those who lived there were mostly, if not entirely men, received a salary and were exempt from taxes. And then from Strabo, we know that the museum was part of the royal, part of the royal palaces. It had a covered walkway called an X-Cidra, X-Cidra, which which had a hall with seats for discussion a large house that served as the dining room for the scholars in the museum So these dudes are starting together scribbling together Walking down fucking cool walkways together sharing information eating with each other, etc

What cool conversations must have went down in that dining room? Eratosthenes Did you see what erasus was working on today? No one has ever understood a homer like he does, incredible. Derek Skietzkiet, what are you working on? Now fucking homer, I'll tell you that dipshit, more like boners, working on scribbling myself so many scrolls with some sick ass titties. Woo woo, titties train, running through, woo woo woo.

I don't think Derek would have cut it in the library. I don't think he would have been allowed inside the great library. At its peak, it stopped at over 100 scholars where housed in museum complex. Their job was to research, give lectures, publish, translate, copy, and collect original Greek manuscripts.

They also translated works from Egypt to Syria, Persia, Buddhist texts, Hebrew scriptures, and well, who the fuck knows? What else they were translating? Said, you know, it's been lost All that happened over 2000 years ago From the time of Tallah me the fifth who ruled from 205 to 180 BCE scholarship library organized academic games festivals

literary competitions Which is sweet ass nerd stuff and now back to Tallah me the second for a moment To go over some more cool stuff done done library during his rule the composition of the Septuagint was completed the oldest Greek translation of the Old Testament of the Bible Right this work reportedly translated by 72 Jewish scholars who were kept in seclusion until the work was done Believed that this work was completed at the library of Alexandria and this Greek translation became the Central literary work of Hellenistic Judaism and early Christianity. Very important, very influential.

The letter of Aristaseus written by a Jewish scholar who worked at the library detailed this project. Tallah me also sponsored court poets such as Kalimicus. Kalimicus was a Greek poet and scholar born in North Africa around 305 BCE. He moved Alexandria where King Tallah me the second employed him in the library. Calimacus was allegedly a prolific writer, but only six hymns, 60 epigrams, and some fragments of other works have survived. Besides Homer, no other Greek poet is quoted as often by grammarians of late antiquity

as Calimacus. Additional significant scholarly achievements took place at the library of Alexandria once I like even more Right again, but wait there's more it has thought that the mathematician an astronomer our Comedies may have taught and studied there. He's considered the greatest math math the greatest mathematician of ancient history And one of the greatest mathematical minds of all time He laid down a lot of the building blocks from modern calculus He proved for example that the area of a circle was equal to pi multiplied by the square

of the radius of the circle. He also approximated the value of pi. He wrote a lot of letters to other mathematicians about his various theories and solutions, and the information in those letters was later translated into all kinds of languages across northern Africa, the Middle East, and Europe beginning in the sixth century. CE. During the Renaissance, his work would be Europe beginning in the sixth century. CE. During the Renaissance, his work would be published shortly after the printing press was invented and he influenced many, many mathematicians for centuries.

And again, how much of his work may have been lost when the great library of Alexandria was lost. The famed engineer and mathematician Hiro lived in Alexandria, sometimes referred to as Hiron. This guy's my favorite guy there. He's considered the greatest experimenter of antiquity, and this shit is wild. I had to look up this stuff

and like a lot of sources, so I'm like, get the fuck out of here, but apparently it's true. Do described in detail what is thought to be the first design for a working steam engine, did that around 17 centuries before the first steam engine was built in 1712. Motherfucker also invented what is thought to be the world's first vending machine.

Do design and build a device to dispense holy water where a worshiper would insert a coin through a slot that would fall onto a tray connected to a lever and the weight of the coin would open a valve that would let some water flow out. Do did that in the first century around the time of Christ These things replaced in Egyptian temples in Alexandria. It's unreal And I bet shortly I bet shortly following his vending machine invention the world's You know people first experienced vending machine related rage I just what the fuck this piece of shit stole my coin again, but where's the manager? I put two coins this stupid machine. I didn't get any holy water

I bet the world's first out of order sign was written about a week after the first use of these machines. Dude may have also invented the windmill, or at least it's precursor. He described what appears to be a wind driven wheel to power a machine of some kind. His description didn't describe a practical windmill, but either an early wind powered toy or a design concept for a wind powered machine that may or may not have actually been a working device. Did that 18th centuries? Before the first commercially viable windmill was patented in 1854, it's bananas. Here I'll also suppose you created the first force pump, little theater of automated dancing figures and a lot more. All that knowledge. All in one place. Another famous scholar believed to have likely spent a lot of time with the library was Ere Starcus of Seymoss, who lived from 310 to 230 BCE who proposed a heliocentric model of

the solar system. Dude was put in the sun at the center of the universe around 18 centuries before Copernicus detailed his radical theory, radical at that time of the universe in which the earth along with other planets rotated around the sun in 1543 CE. Galileo would be imprisoned for promoting that exact same belief system almost 2000 years later. Right, in 1616, again, in 16, you know, 33, not 2000 years, you know, after Copernicus, obviously 2000 years after, you know, eras darcus. Fucking crazy. How dare you believe that the earth is not the center of the universe, but in the witch.

All right, one more very important library of Alexandria Scholar. A man thought to be one of the first scholars at the museum was Euclid. The so-called father of geometry wrote a treatise called Elements around 300 BCE in Alexandria, right when the library is being founded,

said to be the most studied book in the history of the world next to the Bible. The most influential textbook ever. Not until the 20th century by which time its content was universally taught through other school textbooks, did it cease to be considered something all educated people read. Roman Cloud described Alexandria as part think tank, part graduate school, part observatory and part laboratory. Alexandria was a place where believers of different religions would live in harmony, where

debates would be accepted. Imagine that. Said the scholars were free to discuss philosophy and politics and religion openly. All that time ago, greater freedom of discourse leading to faster advancements and to just about everything. Yeah, faster advancements in, just about everything. Yeah, faster advancements in just about everything. I'm excited. Things improved, you know, more quickly when knowledge was not feared, but embraced.

That being said, you couldn't say whatever you wanted about anything without possible consequences. There was a couple areas that were off limits, like royal sister fucking, a poet named Saddates of Maronea almost Maronea Panamijana and toleman Dennis wrote an off-color verse about tolamies marriage to a sister about tolamia in the seconds marriage The rough translation was Orgas is you're sticking your prick in an unholy hole It's good line But man did he pay for writing that. He was thrown in jail,

but then he escaped, but then he was recaptured, put inside some kind of giant fucking lead and jar, and then that jar was tossed off a boat into the Mediterranean. Yikes. Man, very, very relevant to today lesson in there. If your king is openly fucking his sister, you might not want to fuck with him about that. It might be sensitive. If you take one thing away from today's episode, let it be that, right? If we ever get a king who's also a sister fucker, I'm not going to joke around about it. Unless I feel confident that I can hide for the rest of my life after making that joke, of course. While there is no direct evidence linking doctors or medical theorists to the Library of Alexandria, two well-known anatomists may have conducted medical research there with royal support, thought by some

that they did. Heropolis, who lived from 330 to 260 B.C., did spend a large part of his life in Alexandria, and a restostratus, who lived from 315 to 240 B.C., likely worked in Alexandria as well. Both of these do studied the human body through vivisection of criminals, supposedly supplied by the King from prison. I mean, like not personally from the King. He just made it clear that they had access to bodies of executed criminals and then other people would bring those bodies to them.

Be pretty weird. If he personally did bring them dead bodies. You know, King told me, yeah, forgive me for being so sweaty, carried a heavy bloke from the prism just now, making me rethink how many stairs me had built here, about broke me back here in this fat piggy. We'd love to stay in chat, but duty calls. I'd like to get three more corpses dragged over here before dusk. Me sister wife gets angry, if I'm still lugging around dead man after dock.

She says she agreed to marry her brother, but not to Google. Yes, I know that accent was, you know, kind of British. I don't even know where to fucking begin with the accent for a dead ancient Egyptian Greek king guy. Anyway, through some of the first known human dissection work, Heropoulos discovered that the nervous system, you know, had different kinds of nerves within it, made distinctions between them. Herophilus also one of the first humans

to realize that the brain, not the heart, is what controlled the body, that arteries were different than nerves and that there were different parts to the stomach. Arresta Stratus mapped out the blood vascular system. He realized that the heart was a pump, and then its four chambers had one way valves. He rejected the accepted medical belief at the time, postulated previously by the Greek physician, Hippocrates, the father of medicine, that the four humors

of blood, yellow bile, black bile, and flim controlled and influenced illness and personality. More than just reading was done in the complex that included the library of Alexandria experiments, also performed likely. What an awesome ancient incub complex that included the library of Alexandria experiments, also performed likely. What an awesome ancient incubator for just advancements of all kinds. Okay, now let me know a little more about the founding of the library and the types of people who visited it and what incredible ideas they came up with

before getting into its destruction. Let's just discuss how they acquired that content for just a bit. So how did they get all their scrolls? Well, the most popular theory seems to be that initially, scholars just went out and just bought them from like, the ancient equivalent of like, fucking flea markets, book fairs, whatever, booksellers,

just gather whatever they could get to bring to the library, conquer people, scrolls, likely stolen, brought back from battles. But then by the time King Tallah me, the third was in charge, he decreed that all ships docking in the port of Alexandria should surrender their manuscripts to the authorities. Copies would then be made delivered to the owners, and the originals usually kept in the library. So pretty fucking smart. And really a small price to pay for doing business with one of the Mediterranean's most important ports, if not the most important at that time. And they just kept doing that.

For decades and decades and decades, accumulated more and more works, the most common estimate for the most written works held by the library, a 700,000. Highest estimate again is a million. Most historians don't think they had quite that many though. The best most agreed upon estimate is that the library had over 400,000 mixed scrolls,

which were scrolls containing multiple works, and 90,000 roughly single scrolls. That's still a lot of written works for a library that existed over 2,000 years ago, where people had to scribble shit out by hand. The collection grew so large that it eventually became necessary to establish a so-called daughter library, and the daughter library reportedly held over 40,000 additional scrolls. According to the letter of era Aristotle that I mentioned earlier, thought to be written in the second and third century BCE, Demetrius of Felleron, the exiled governor of Athens,

tasked with opening the library, was given whatever resources he needed to start collecting books all around the world. When asked how many books the library had, he answered more than 200,000 my king, and I will try in a short time to fill up the number to 500,000. Okay, now that we have some idea of how important this place was, how much incredible info it may have contained, it is destruction time. Burn it down! Maybe. Contrary to the popularized legend, a lot of historians now do not believe that the library was

destroyed in one big massive fire. At least they're not certain of that. There were a few notable incidents throughout history, though, that did at least cause quite a bit of damage to the Great Library and his daughter, Library. The main suspect in the legend of the burning of the ancient library of Alexandria was the leader of Rome, former suck subject Julius Caesar. Julius Caesar, something that Caesar's forces burned on the library during his occupation of Alexandria from 48 to 47 BCE when his forces set fire to ships in the harbor. Based on historical accounts, Caesar's troops also set the docks on fire and then that fire spread to a series of nearby

warehouses and other buildings. But did the fire actually spread to the library? Historic sources differ. It seems as if at least some of Alexandria's written works burned. Decades after the siege, the Greek historian philosopher, biographer, and overall smarty pans Plutarch wrote that Caesar was forced to repel the danger by using fire, which spread from the dockyards and destroyed the great library. The Roman historian and senator, Dio Cassius, or Cassius Dio, it's written both ways. From the second, third century CE, wrote about the fire, you know, way after the fact.

After this, many battles took place between them by day and night, and many parts were set on fire, so that among other places, the docks and the grain warehouses were burnt, and also the books, which were they say very many, an excellent. Senator the younger,

first century CE, Roman philosopher wrote 40,000 books were burnt at Alexandria. Amyonis, Marcellinus, a four century C.E. Roman historian, wrote in this temple where libraries beyond calculation. And the trustworthy testimony of ancient records agrees that 700,000 books brought together by the unsleeping care of the Talamei kings were burned in the Alexandrian war when the city was sacked under the dictator Caesar. A rocius, a 5th century Christian

chronicler, reported that after the royal fleet of Talamei was ordered to be set on fire at the fire spread of the city and didn't burn the library but did burn 400,000 books stored in a nearby series of buildings. So as you can see the historians that reported that up to 700,000 books stored in a nearby series of buildings. So as you can see, the historians that reported that up to 700,000 books were burned, the library was lost, others reported that the only books in the warehouse, the only books burned were books in the warehouse, all kinds of different estimates. And because of all that, we can't definitively say that Julius Caesar for sure destroyed the Great Library. Probably destroyed a lot of the scrolls, though.

Caesar in his own account of the battle wrote that the fire affected one of the royal palaces but not all of them. He never wrote that the great library was burned down. Caesar's account also noted that most of Alexandria was safe from fire because buildings were not made of wood. Additionally, Caesar's enemies from this time would have likely noted if the library had been destroyed since it was such an important landmark to the city, but there's no evidence of that. Finally, other scholars for the next several centuries made little references, excuse me, here and there of some kind of library and Alexandria still existing and people still going there to work in such. Might have been something less impressive than the great library, but something

remained. The most common view seems to be that the, you know, part of the library, or part of the library's works were lost thanks to Caesar, but you know, a lot of it still did remain. The daughter library, I spoke of earlier, seems to have, you know, definitely survived the fire. It was thought to house about 10% of the total books. The Roman Emperor Theodosius, the first ruled from 379 to 395 CE and Theodosius outlawed paganism and encouraged the spread of Christianity. And in 391 CE Theodosius issued a decree for the demolition of pagan temples in Alexandria,

which endangered the museum if it still existed. And as daughter library, the Serapium, that year theophilus, the Bishop of Alexandria, attacked the Serapium and it was the first one to strike a blow to the statue of Serapis, a Greek and Egyptian combo god of the sun, his followers then destroyed the temple, and a church was constructed with the stones. So the daughter library, now definitely dead, and perhaps museum two, again, it's stillwithstanding. Contemporaries, near contemporaries, wrote about the devastation,

one individual wrote, the temple was destroyed to its foundations. Yuna Pius, a fourth and fifth century Greek retarition, an historian and author of lives of the philosophers and sophists, wrote that theophilus brought destruction on the temple and made war on its contents. Only the foundations. They could not take away because of the magnitude of its stone blocks, which they were unable to remove, but they spoiled and destroyed practically everything.

So despite all these tales of destruction, many things some form of the library's remained and that the remaining books were then carelessly squandered. By 400 CE, Alexandria was in a state of religious turmoil. Over time, Alexandria fell into poverty, more and more civil unrest due to conflicts between various pagans, Jews and Christians. Christianity became the dominant belief system. Now the old temples associated with the Library of Alexandria no longer received patronage from rulers, not enough money to maintain the buildings or

pay scholars to work in the library. If it did still exist, because of that intellectuals moved on to other areas. In 619 CE, the Persians of the Susanid Empire conquered the city of Alexandria. More destruction may have occurred, more instability. The Susanid Empire was the last Iranian Empire before the early Muslim conquest of the 7th and 8th centuries. In 628 CE, Christians from the Byzantine Empire took Alexandria and then lost it to Arab Muslims under Caliph Umar in 642 CE. The Arab General, Amph, Ibn Al-Az, he entered the city of Alexandria in 642 and accorded the legend.

A Christian priest named John the Grammarian approached him and asked for the books of wisdom, which are in the imperial treasuries. So maybe there's some still cool books there. The general reportedly did not find anything he deemed valuable in the library when asked what to do with the books. Caliph Umar replied, if the contents of the books is in accordance with the book of Allah, we may do without them. For in that case, the book of Allah more than suffices. If on the other hand, they contain matter not in accordance with the book of Allah, then there can be no need to preserve them proceed to destroy them So that's yeah, that's pretty fucking cool. So just basically if it's not the Quran, fuck it

The remaining books were then allegedly distributed to the public pass to to fuel the stoves that heated the water. Yeah, good job If it's not about Muhammad fucking and, and also, if it is about Muhammad, still fucking. Noice. Only Aristotle's works allegedly were saved from destruction according to some sources. And again, maybe. Maybe all that happened, or a British writer Edward Gibbon

dismissed the theory that the Arabs destroyed the library in the decline and fall of the Roman Empire book. Gibbon concluded that the library was actually destroyed because of many, many years of neglect and ignorance from many, many different people. You know, Pagan's Christian Muslims, so many destroyed because of many, many years of neglect and ignorance from many, many different people. You know, Pagan's Christian Muslims, so many different groups of people, you know, attacked Alexandria, took it over, didn't care about, you know, what the previous rulers had cared about.

Maybe Caesar did burn most of it down, and then over time, many other people less dedicated to education than the first rulers of the Talmud dynasty came through and just didn't understand or care how valuable whatever was left still was Sadly so many people in the world truly do not understand the value of preserving all the books Not just the ones that feed your ideology. We're often such as shortsighted and selfish species, right But uh, what are all these uh books gonna do for me right now? I don't want to read them But I do it cold at night and wood is hard to find around here So you know these books burn goods to fuck them. Yay warm hands. Thanks priceless works of

antiquity containing knowledge it might take centuries or millennia to regain. With fucked a lot of care I'll be dead soon. At least I'll have been a bit more warm when I was alive. And with that let's leave the timeline. Let's leave the timeline. Good job, soldier. You've made it back. Barely. So regardless of exactly how the books in the library of Alexandra may have been lost, which we'll never know for sure. What did we lose? Well, there are a lot of click-bady articles and videos about the library of Alexandria claiming to answer this question in some form. They're all pretty

similar. None of them have a fucking clue. Essentially, they all say some version of when the library burned, humanity was set back 1000 or more years. Nobody knows that for sure. I mean, maybe, maybe it was, but also since we have no fucking idea what may have been burned and were lost, humanity might not have been set back at all What if most of the scrolls? You know, they were lost were just like ancient accounting records, you know ancient You know records of ship voyages, you know, what was traded? What was taking it taking on to the ship? When say sold these goods what if it was just you know old porn stick figures with huge tits?

Actually, how funny would it be if all the scholars I talked about, there were the exceptions. If mostly the ancient library was dedicated to collecting ancient porn. Some ancient porn up where scholars would do some cool academic work, but mostly they would just like either look at thousands of illustrations of naked men and naked women or like draw more of those and just beat off. Like, imagine getting into a time machine. You're so excited. You're gonna head back to Alexandria.

Oh my God, I'm gonna walk into the greatest library that the world has ever known. And you walk in there, just a bunch of old scholars and robes, and the robes are kind of pulled up above their waist. And they're just, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, that's nice. Oh, you like that?

You like that? So hilarious and depressing at the same time. I've been serious, what if the books that were lost were historically interesting to us, but not something that would have moved humanity forward, right? Stuff that might give us insight into daily lives of people living a few thousand years ago and that's super cool. Maybe more than that, like a bunch of old Greek tragedies and comedies, you know, great literature that would have been awesome to have now, no doubt. But what if the really important shit that could have pushed society

forward? You know, what if that really important shit that could have pushed society forward? You know, what if that did actually spread to other libraries under places? Like how do we know that the ancient Alexandrian scholar scribblers didn't make copies of that stuff and take it to other places of intellectual curiosity like Athens or Rome or many other cities

around the Mediterranean? I mean, there were a lot of other libraries at the same time. Rome had roughly a million people around the time that the great library of Alexandria existed and Rome alone had over 20 libraries. Alexandria was a major port, you know, with people including scholars traveling in and out of it all the time. How many scholars came to study at Alexandria? Did some scribbling and then took back a bunch of knowledge to their own nations.

I mean, nothing is written to my knowledge about the Talamis hoarding all the knowledge they were accumulating and just refusing to share it. I find it very hard to believe that ancient scholars only brought information into the library but never took it out of the library. Just like I worked at Gonzaga's old inter-library loan program, well maybe the great library had something similar, some way to share information. A lot of the clickbait videos on Alexander and how much information was lost, you know, they build a lot of intrigue, get a lot of views, but also get pretty loose to go see with the facts. One video I watched on YouTube thought he thought he twos how a monumental fire held back humanity by a thousand years. It claimed to the library was already in this as you know, like over two million views, claimed to

the library was already built during the reign of Alexander the Great. But Alexander never really ruled Alexander, like he wasn't there. He didn't stay in Egypt long at all. He helped plan the city, maybe, maybe a little bit, and then bounced to do more conquering. He was off to Persia in just a year's time. That same video lesson a minute later throws out the date of 288 BCE for the library's construction might be correct. There is a lot of speculation. However, Alexander the Great died in 323 BCE. All right, so he died like 35 years earlier.

So actually, yeah, 35 years ago, sorry, the BC of the reverse math always kept me for a second. So how was the library built during Alexander's rule even though he had been dead for over three decades? Like did he briefly rule as a fucking zombie? And no one in the comment section of a video viewed about two million times, I exaggerated. It was 1.9 million times. In the last five years, seems to have noticed this nearly immediate error.

And the rest of the video is similarly careless with facts. The video presents the most grandiose speculation about the library as, you know, fact. And this seems to be the case with literally every other similar video I watched. Big clickbait title, big claims of how much further we would for sure be ahead if we just had that knowledge, but no proof of anything outside of what I just laid out here today. And typically a lot less historical information than I just presented. However, the comment section underneath these videos makes these videos worth having around. So much stuff, it really makes me laugh.

Let me share some of what made me laugh in a segment we haven't had here in a long time. I've seen some of your requests to bring it back and felt right today, so here we go with the idiots of the following comments were posted under 32s, how a monumental fire held back humanity by 1000 years. And starting off with the real banger, at Richie Apple posts, the library of Alexandria also housed the knowledge of magic that we used to be able to perform that we used to be able to perform Things you see in medieval fantasy such as the magic in Skyrim. It used to be real It's a library of Alexandria had never burned down. We could be casting spells throwing fireballs

Teleporting levitating objects, etc. Oh Wow, before sharing my thoughts on this, I have some. I love one of the replies underneath it. At Thomas Janco 5609 just replies, big if true. Well, yeah, Thomas, that'd be pretty fucking big. There's no way, Richie, that that is fucking true. Like, no way.

I love you wanting it to be true, but there is 100% without a fucking doubt. No way that's true. And here's why I would literally bet my life on that not being true. If those motherfuckers knew how to say throw fireballs, then Julius Caesar would have never defeated them in battle and burned down the library. Like are you kidding me? When his fleet of ships approached the harbor and started to attack, Tallah me the 13th could have just sent out a handful of his fucking wizards from the library to fireball them into oblivion, right? But he wouldn't have needed to do that because he would have

already used his wizards to take over all of the known world. Or his wizards would have overthrown the Tallahamies, right? Long before Caesar came along, or one wizard would have overthrown the Tallahmah's right long before Caesar came along or one wizard would have ruled and defeated all the other Wizards and brought his wizardry dominance to the world But if they figured out how to do fireballs fucking teleporting levitating objects, etc That knowledge does not just stay in the library. You don't figure how to do shit that powerful and just leave it work and think Holy shit, you know Or you would think holy shit like I'm a fucking god basically. What am I doing in doing the King's bidding?

Why am I doing anyone's bidding? Right, and you just tear shit up. Or somebody would tear shit up, you know? No way. 100% they did not have books on magic. But cool to think about. At John Doe, 8, 6, 9, 9 post something similar. He posed, heard that there was one scroll entitled

something like the history of the ancient world. That's ancient as of 2000 years ago. May have talked about Atlantis, giants, etc. And at Norbert D, it's at Norbert gin, Norbert Jinsons, at Norbert Jinsons reply killed me. He just wrote, you diminish knowledge with your statement. For some reason that's one of the funniest ways of calling someone stupid to me in the web that I've ever read. You diminish knowledge with your statement. It's so dismissive and insulting. And such a funny phrase into me. Like I would love to work that in the conversations. I don't know man. A lot of shit about Q&Ans come true, might be something to it.

You diminish knowledge with your statement. Look, I'm not trying to ban all books. I still want a lot of them in the library. My kids could read them. You diminish all knowledge with your statement. When these chicken nuggets are better than the ones that make Donald, you diminish knowledge with your statement. Man, I wish Creed would get back together

and put out some more albums. You diminish knowledge with your statement. I'll stop. with your statement. Man, I was creed. We get back together and put out some more albums. Get a minute, it's not us with your statement. I'll stop. Holy shit, did, uh, at grow this freedom, unite, dearth,

7854, go full drama queen. When they were out, I cry every time I think about it. I have wept myself to sleep for lifetimes over this. Shut the fuck up, grow this freedom. You cry every time you think about it. I have wept myself to sleep for lifetimes over this. Shut the fuck up, grow this for you. You cry every time you think about the library of Alexandria burning, like every time you've literally wept yourself to sleep so many times over this. How do you make it to the day being that preposterously sensitive? Like what else makes you weep? Just literally every

story in your newsfeed. I just picture this person having to drink twice the amount of normal water for someone to say a life because they lose so much water just constantly weeping. At Paul's used to 9991 tries to go deep. I don't know if he succeeds. Maybe I'm too dumb to understand his profound wisdom. He posts information ways nothing and it is only useless until it is priceless. It may not be correct, but knowing what you don't know

is the first place to start. I read that a bunch of times. I do think I have it kind of figured out, but it still seems unnecessary the way he wrote it. Right, okay, information weighs, yeah, literally nothing. Yeah, true. It can live inside your head, wait free. You know, it's not super valuable

until you really need it sometimes, right, fair. Then it can mean everything, got it. Might not be correct. Yeah, obviously not all info is true. Knowing what you don't know, it's a good thing. Sure, I'm here for self-awareness, but I just, that's a weird way to say all that. Is there any profound takeaway coming from that

that you couldn't just get from something like, not all just power? And now for some just witty stuff, actually. Not idiotic stuff that made me laugh. I found it witty at least. At David Wundercheck, 8883 writes, ironically the only bit of knowledge the library of Alexandria apparently didn't contain was how to build a fireproof library. And that made me laugh so hard the first time I read it.

As did this comment from at Deziv 1170, plot twist twist when they finally found the list of titles of the library of Alexandria they discovered 90% of the books were romance novels and teen vampire series. That's probably better with my porn nonsense. Two more quick ones at allie macka velly posts or allie macka velly posts. If those mofos were so smart, why didn't they event Dropbox? Yeah idiots, why don't you fuckers build computers and cloud technology over 2000 years ago.

And then finally at DJG 585 posted, moral of the story, have you backed up your computer today? Yeah, I have. And this story actually is a good reminder to back your shit up. And back it up to the cloud. So that if your house burns down and you lose your computer and your hard drives You don't lose your own mini library of Alexandria

Another reminder this episode is a good for is to not destroy knowledge I maybe easy on the band Maybe easy on the banned books. Easy on the burning books. Don't ban books unless the ban is super selective for a certain audience. It makes sense. If your kindergarten school library has stacks and stacks of old hustlers and pen houses,

well yeah, maybe should you know ban them from that library. But that doesn't happen. That's not a thing. That tends not to be what the motivation is for book bands typically. And this has currently happening a lot in this country, even though the propaganda narrative is it's like all these sexually graphic books we got to get about our school. That's, that's not true. That's garbage. Books are bandages because they represent ideas that, you know, one group of people doesn't agree with. Some ideology, different than

theirs. Not inherently bad ideas, just different, just contrasting. And the people pushing for these bands, people who would truly love to not just ban certain books, but I'm sure purge them from existence, right? They're always so short-sighted. When you set the precedent that books can be banned, how long until someone else bans the books that you value? I don't think books should be banned. You know, again, outside of this yet,

don't put like fucking stack of hustlers in a kindergarten library, but again, that's not happening. But you know, bad books, good books, everything between, you know, public libraries, yeah, you know, let them be accessed. We should be able to be, you know, free to read whatever we want, no matter how trashy or profound, who knows what kinds of good ideas can be borne by reading the most ignorant and hateful books imaginable. Maybe the anger and indignation that they stir up inside of you is what pushes

you to write or a bottle or write a some other other book of your own and maybe that book is beautiful. Maybe that book leads to all kinds of other people being inspired and sharing really important knowledge and taking your ideas further and building off of them and pushing society and culture forward in some way. The burning of the Library of Alexandria truly is so fucking sad. And it's so much more sad if the books that didn't burn when Caesar attacked the harbor were intentionally destroyed by any subsequent rulers. Even if one play was lost, even if one mathematical treatise was lost in that way, how especially

sad I will forever oppose those who want to control what information I have access to, right? People who do it because the books go against their political ideology or the people, you know, of the people currently in power because the book goes against their religious notions or because they just find it tasteless. Whatever, right? Fuck those people,

fuck those arrogant bastards. So I'm adamantly opposed to censorship. Why I'm extremely pro-free speech. No one's idea should be centered. Everyone should be free to share their truths, even if others find them abhorrent. I think about all those scholars from all over the Mediterranean working together now, Alexandria having intense discussions, learning from one another, arguing, getting

heated, continuing to discuss and experiment, acquire more and more scrolls, learn from one another. And because of all that, man, they accomplished some amazing shit, right? Accomplishments, uh, some of which we went over. What if the library of Alexandria was not an anomaly? What if it was the norm? What if the library of Alexandria was not an anomaly? What if it was the norm? What if there were libraries all over the world like that and just had been ever since, just all those additional centuries

between Alexandria and now? What if we as a culture here in America respected teachers and scientists and researchers more than we currently do, paid them more based on that celebrated them instead of the rising tide of anti-intellectualism that floats around. What a world that would be. Maybe we would be able to shoot fireballs and levitate and teleport and ship by now.

Let's head to today's takeaways. Time, Chuck. Top five takeaways. Number one, Alexander the Great, found in the city of Alexandria, had big dreams for it, but it was his successor, Tallah, me the first, and his son, Tallah, Alexander the Great found the city of Alexandria had big dreams for it, but it was his successor, Tallah me the first and his son, Tallah me the second who turned those dreams into a legendary city who oversaw the construction of the library of Alexandria. Tallah me the first worked with Demetrius of Falleron to establish the library, which was part of the temple dedicated to the Muses.

Tallah me the second oversaw the completion of the temple and library and later added a smaller library to house overflow books. The two kings turned Alexandria into a city that quickly rivaled Athens. Later, it would rival and briefly surpass Rome. Scholars from all over the Mediterranean came to study the library where they had access to vast knowledge

from all over the world. Number two, Julius Caesar probably didn't destroy the great library. I feel I gotta correct myself all over the known world for those, Julius Caesar probably didn't destroy the great library. I feel I gotta correct myself all over the known world for those of you who are nitpicky. I know they didn't have stuff from South America, North America, so we hadn't been there. Anyway, number two, Julius Caesar probably didn't destroy the great library, but his soldiers most likely did destroy a bunch of scrolls, maybe even most of the scrolls, when they set fire to the dock, so the Alexandrian harbor during the conflict against Tallah me the 13th. Historical accounts differ with the damage ranging from 40

thousand to 400 thousand book slash rolls. Number three, Alexandrian's first librarian, Zenedotus of Ephesus introduced an organizational system on the materials in the library of Alexandria, whereby texts were assigned to different rooms based on their subject matter, verse or prose, literary or scientific, and various subclassifications within each category. And he created a system of organization that library is still using some form today. Number four, Alexander was a truly unique city for its time, a scholar of the library, not bound to any particular study or school of thought. For the most part, they could work in their particular areas of expertise and

write what they wanted. Within reason, Alexandria was a place of intellectual freedom unless you made fun of a king for fucking insistor. Then you were dumped into the ocean inside a big jar. Number five, new info. Let's talk about the Bibliotheca Alexandria. The Bibliotheca Alexandria, the modern-day library of Alexandria, a research institution located in the ancient city. Egyptian historian and professor, Mustafa El Abidi, first proposed reviving the ancient library in 1972. The government sponsored the project, which received publicity and support through UNESCO, 1974, committee from Alexandria University, University selected to plot a land for the

new library. UNESCO organized an architectural design competition in 1988. The winner was Norwegian architectural firm. Good for you, you fucking hoing you boingy, great people. Construction started in 1995, finished in 2001, costing about $200 million. Library complex opened up on October 16th, 2002. The building was designed to hold 8 million volumes. The new library houses, books in Arabic, English, French, and more. The was designed to hold 8 million volumes. The new library houses books in Arabic, English, French, and more. The library designed to look like a cylinder rising from the ground at an angle 130 feet from the Mediterranean Sea. The main reading room of the library covers 220,000 square feet.

The Bibliotheca also has a planetarium for museums, a school of library and information science center, a conference center similar similar to the ancient library, facilities to digitally preserve rare books and manuscripts. Obviously, they didn't do digitally back then, but you get it. If you want to help fill this library up with more books, you can. It now relies mostly on private funding to acquire new works. There's still a lot of shelf space to fill. I can't figure out exactly how many books they seem to have right now, but it looks like less than two million.

So they got six million more to go before it needs a daughter library. The great ancient library of Alexandria, what did we lose? Has been sucked. Thanks to our space lizards for another good pick. One I would not have thought of. Thank you to producer Olivia Lee for initial research today. And thank you to the art warlock Logan Keith for recording, editing this episode so you can watch it on YouTube in addition to listing.

And you can also watch my new special try to get better on YouTube right now. Next week, we return to Moda, Moda, and we suck the trailside killer. Do you enjoy relaxing? Out in nature? Do you feel safe? Out in nature? Maybe doing a little hiking? Well, you probably are safe because luckily killers like this sick buck are super rare. Still, you might not feel comfortable going on a solo hike or even a group hike while

listing this episode or for a while after listing to it. From 1979 to 1971, hikers in northern California were being attacked on the trails and shot by an unknown serial killer, whom the press called the Trailside Killer. The murder started on Mount Tammelpias near the city of San Francisco. Months later, they moved to the point Reyes National Seashore in Marin County and in the Santa Cruz wilderness. The killer wasn't just choosing victims who were hiking alone, either young women who were out hiking with their boyfriends were targeted, so were women hiking with friends seemed like no one was safe.

Once crowd of state parks saw significant decrease, a significant decrease in visitors for months, signs were put up warning hikers to not hike alone, women were advised to exercise extreme caution in the area. One victim was shot in the neck but survived the attack and then reported the killer's description to the police. Month later, a young woman from San Jose goes missing. She had told her boyfriend and mother that her acquaintance, David Carpenter, was going to take her to buy a used car. After she went, and then she went missing on the day she was supposed to meet him. The San Jose police set out

to find this David Carpenter when they spoke to him. They noticed he looked a lot fucking like the drawing of the trailside killer. On the advice of a parole officer, the police started to follow him. And what happened next? We'll listen next week. Right now we're going to head on over to this week's Time Sucker updates. Updates, get your time, sucker updates. Hey everybody, uh, fellow meat sack, Mike Carney is a complete fucking idiot. Okay, uh, but I did make him feel stupid recently and he wrote, Damn, a Dan you beautiful bastard. You finally got me. First time, long time.

Here's my very first Cummins law. I'm going to join a day out with my girlfriend while she plans her upcoming schedule for the fall. She's a teacher and a lovely human to boot. I've got my earbuds in listing to to the UK's Jeffrey Dahmer, Dennis Nielsen episode. When you start talking about how Dennis would go to this CD club where he would, where he would wank off a chimp. At this point in the episode, I've already let out a couple audible, Jesus Christ, with the subject matter now. But the moment you mention all the chimp stuff,

I suddenly gasp and say, what the fuck? My girlfriend asked what I'm listening to and I pause and I give her the rund stuff, I suddenly gasp and say, what the fuck? My girlfriend asked what I'm listening to and I paused and I give her the rundown, including talking about the monkey business. Her eyes got wide, she let out a breathy, all righty then, and walked out of the room like, have fun psycho. I then unpods to see what madness was to follow and you simply said, you didn't believe all that chimps stuff, did you?

You son of a bitch. I finally got comments like, for all this time, thank you to the team for all that you do. Three to five stars wouldn't change a thing, Mike. Well, Mike, I hope that you understand how happy emails like that make me. I love them so much. When I'm saying dumb shit like that, I am hoping for exactly these type of situations to happen.

I'm glad you two will have something to laugh about for a while. Thank you so much. Next up, load the Greg. Has a shout out requests and writes, dear Dan, the come man dumbens. Nice. My name is Greg, and it has taken me 15 months to find the catch up.

I listen to every single episode of Time Suck and man, what an adventure it has been. I've learned so much about strange trivia topics that nobody in the right mind would know anything about. Well guess what, Mother Flucker, I do. I've listened to your stand up for a long time on Pandora, been a huge fan, started listening to your podcast on Spotify through the recommendation of my brother,

Brylon, pronounced like fry and then land without the D. Anyways, it would be great if you could give him a shout out. I think you would appreciate it. And please tell him to use shampoo when he washes his hair Everybody can tell he doesn't Anyways, thanks for the great trivia info about bizarre topics and keep on sucking Greg Evans Lo the Greg aim the Greg fire the Greg You know that reference because you've listened all the episodes

Of course I can give a shout out to your stupid fucking greasy, flaky hair dope of a brother Brilan. Who has won too many letters in his name. Why wasn't Brian enough for you? Says the guy who named his kid Kyler and doomed him to a lifetime of people calling him Tyler instead. No offense suck Ranger. Hope you two continue to enjoy the show and hope Brilan finally starts to lean into some

decent grooming habits. Now we got another cage in Ronnie, right, Ninn. Hope this guy doesn't have a dandelion puff butthole, like Ronnie Joe Dominique. New Ronnie, right? Good day, Suck Master and all the bad magic crew. While listing to this week's episode on NattleFed, I started getting this feeling I had heard of them before in some way. After listing to all of the other groups that operated under the natal fed umbrella,

it dawned on me where I'd heard that name. In 2001, the provisic labs in Boulder, Colorado had a break in where all of the animals they were using for research were released. The group that perpetrated this was a small cadre of one of natal feds-owned branches. The Liberate apes before in prison apes, known as the Coalition for

the Liberation of Interit tree dwellers. They were composed of only five members, three women, two men, and their commander went by the code named Jay. There's a movie based on the events in which Will Ferrell, whom he mentioned in his episode, plays federal wildlife marshal Will and Holly, goes into the crazy story of how the Coalition for the Liberation of Interit tree tree dwellers, also known as clit. The break in may have been a distraction for the Liberate apes before imprisoning apes or labia of which clit was a small off shoot to rob the diamond producer facility directly next door.

You can find this wild boob in Amazon just search for J and sign a Bob strike back by Kevin Smith. I figured after all these years of throwing in wildfacts, this will suddenly go JK and fuck with us, I might finally have the same opportunity to do the same with you. Thanks for all you do, thanks for all you and the team do. I just recently went back part time to work, answering phones for the small insurance agency

in LaZone and my wife is the office manager of after being a stayed home dad for the last couple of years to our nine kids. When my wife finishes up her masters by being a special ed teacher for next year while pregnant with our 10th kid. She's a bad ass name. Jennifer who's been my partner crime for the last 25 years 21 married and I don't know what my world would be like without her. Between time suck and scared to death being part of my weekly podcast list, you help make the days go

by while I'm doing laundry or sitting in the car line between two different schools for an hour a day or when it's just too damn quiet in the office. I'm in here with just my 11 month and four year old. Hail, name, Rod and glory be to Triple M, your loyal Cajun sucker, Ron, PS, next time your tour and come to Lafayette, as well as Nola, Donald Louisiana. We have a great local comedy scene here through Lafayette comedy and some of the best food on the planet. Experience the real Cajun country, Ronald Wade.

Oh, fuck, a Ronnie Dubs. That was a brilliant misdirect. of the best food on the planet experienced the real Cajun country wrong way. Oh, fucka Ronnie Dubs. That was a brilliant misdirect. You had me up until Will Ferrell. Then I was like, that son of a bitch beat me on my own game. Also 10 kids. 10. Do you Cajuns know about condoms?

I had to pull out. I mean, you realize you don't always have to shoot it into the back of the net. But it seems like you two are figuring it out. You obviously like kids, and I bet you're raising them well, but you're amazing parents. Teaching to watch out for Clint and Lebia, fake natal fed groups, not the body parts.

Yeah, that's a good one. I last went out from the former sperm of Brandon, Braille, who writes, hi, Dan, I would like to request a shout out to my amazing dad, Brandon. Him and I are huge fans of the podcast, have been listening for request a shout out to my amazing dad Brandon. Him and I are huge fans of the podcast have been listening for years. He listens to it while doing almost anything. He quotes you all the time and he feels me on anything I missed.

Bok bok bok, my parents split recently so that means I don't hear the podcast very often. I made the decision to start listening to my own from the beginning but I first wanted to write in. Dad if you're hearing this, I love you very much And thank you for giving me the gene that loves weird shit. Hail, Nimrod, and keep on sucking. Brailleen. P.S., I don't know how you request a shout out, but this is, if this is how you request a shout out, the worth a shout.

Well, Brailleen, sending emails to Bojangles at time, suckpodcast.com is exactly how you request a shout out some, how we find messages of all kinds for the segment. I love how much you love your dad. I would love to get a message like that from Enros someday. I hope you Tuesday super close and enjoy weird shit like this for the rest of your weird lives. Hail Nimrod and good job raising a cool kid, Brandon. Thanks, time suckers.

I need a net. We all did. Thanks for listening to another Bad Magic Productions podcast, Guaranteed Death, Time Suck each week. The Secret Suck each week for Spasers. Please don't burn any libraries down this week. Go inside and quietly do some reading. Quietly!

Other people are trying to fucking learn some shit! And keep on sucking. And magic productions. And now real quick, before you do anything else, go watch my new special. Try and get better on YouTube now. Share it. Like it. Leave a comment. Feed the algorithm. Maybe it, leave a comment, feed the algorithm. Maybe you could leave a comment like you diminish knowledge with your statement.

It's kind of weird, but pretty funny. Or maybe leave the comment if the library of Alexandria had never burned down, we could be casting spells throwing fireballs, teleporting, levitating objects, etc. That will confuse a lot of people. But I'll get it. Now laugh. And I am going into the comment section engaging because that's how you suck the algorithms dick. That will confuse a lot of people, but I'll get it. I'll laugh. And I am going into the comment section, engaging. Because that's how you suck the algorithms dick.

You got to engage. And I especially love it when some people leave horrible comments and to be really snarky back with them in hopes of starting a little like fun feuds that are entertaining, kind of like our own little idiots in the internet stuff. But seriously, thank you again, everybody for the support. Those of you who have supported it so far, I appreciate it so much.

And those of you who are going to, I appreciate you as well. Now, fucking get out there.