Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 395 - Ervil LeBaron: The Mormon Manson
Episode Date: April 3, 2024Ervil LeBaron was raised by a cult leader... would have several brothers who were cult leaders...and would father several more cult leaders. And out of all of them, he was the worst. The Mormon Manson... loved to call for blood atonement -  ordering the execution of between  20 and 30 people, many of them rival cult leaders. Watch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/Ss5QOux5xtwMerch and more: www.badmagicproductions.com Timesuck Discord! https://discord.gg/tqzH89vWant to join the Cult of the Curious Private Facebook Group? Go directly to Facebook and search for "Cult of the Curious" to locate whatever happens to be our most current page :)For all merch-related questions/problems: store@badmagicproductions.com (copy and paste)Please rate and subscribe on Apple Podcasts and elsewhere and follow the suck on social media!! @timesuckpodcast on IG and http://www.facebook.com/timesuckpodcastWanna become a Space Lizard? Click here: https://www.patreon.com/timesuckpodcast.Sign up through Patreon, and for $5 a month, you get access to the entire Secret Suck catalog (295 episodes) PLUS the entire catalog of Timesuck, AD FREE. You'll also get 20% off of all regular Timesuck merch PLUS access to exclusive Space Lizard merch. And you get the download link for my secret standup album, Feel the Heat.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
What gives one person the right to kill another?
Most people around the world would agree that one has the right to use lethal force for self-defense, I imagine.
Millions believe in capital punishment for egregious crimes.
An eye for an eye was, and in some cases still is, an accepted religious justification for killing another person.
And also, historically, there has always been a small subset of the population who believe they have been granted the right to kill from God.
That God chose them to eliminate certain people who did not comply with God's divine purpose.
This belief applies to both individual religious extremists and also to cults.
Today's episode centers around blood atonement, a practice from the early LDS church preached
by primarily early leader Brigham Young and now long considered invalid by church officials.
Blood atonement was used or was at least to be used in theory when a church member had committed such a terrible sin
that they now had no chance of getting into heaven unless
blood was shed. Their blood. In these cases a blood atonement killing was seen as merciful.
While we don't know if any blood atonement killings were actually carried out by early LDS leaders,
we do know that fringe FLDS maniacs have used blood atonement to justify many murders since.
We met some of those maniacs, the Lafferty brothers, not that long ago here in episode
371, the school of the prophets
cult killings.
But those guys, they did not employ this practice nearly as much as Ervil the Baron.
What happens when one very murderous sociopath believes he is God's true prophet, that he
is the one mighty and strong sent to redeem the church, and that anyone who disobeys messages
from God, i.e. him,
should be punished with blood atonement. This hypothetical scenario came true during the
lifetime of Ervel the Baron, an exceptionally violent Mormon fundamentalist and cult leader.
Ervel the Baron was called the Mormon Manson and with good reason. He was batshit crazy. He
believed he would be able to take over the world. He was responsible for the deaths of 20 to 30 people, some of whom have gone missing and never been found.
Ervel was the son of an excommunicated Mormon fundamentalist who had moved to Mexico to start a polygamist colony.
His crazy came honestly. He was raised in an insane cult.
Ervel and his many siblings believed they were special, that their little cult colony was made up of God's chosen people who would lead the LDS faith.
Ervel would marry 13 girls and women and have at least 50 children, and one of his brothers
had even more children with his many, many wives.
Ervel's brother Joel founded a church in Mexico after being named Patriarch of the
Leberan clan prior to his father's death, called the Church of the First Born of the Fullness of Times.
And Ervel was made second in command, but that wasn't enough.
He soon came to resent not being the leader and conveniently received a vision from God that he was actually God's one true prophet.
Funny how that works.
Ervel now broke away from his brother's church, which was also a really another cult, and he founded the definitely a cult, the Church of the Lamb of God.
He preached against his brother and told his congregation that the disobedient sinners
in his brother's church needed to be blood-atoned.
In order to cement his power, Ervel ordered that his brother also be blood-atoned.
And that's when the craziness episode really gets going.
And what a wild ride this story takes from there.
This week I'll talk about the concept of blood atonement, the life of Ervil LeBaron, how
his insanely violent and culty family got their start in Mexico, and then we'll go through
all the murders, the many, many murders surrounded by so much other madness orchestrated by the
Mormon Manson. In this week's true crime, How Is This Not a Movie Yet?
Cult, cult, cult.
This week's episode is going to feel like an April Fool's Day prank because it often
doesn't feel real.
Addition of Time Suck.
This is Michael McDonald and you're listening to Time Suck.
You're listening to Time Suck. Happy Wednesday and welcome to the cult of the curious.
Feels so weird to say Wednesday, but we already had a Monday episode this special week.
Don't want to say any more than that.
If you haven't already listened to episode 394 it's a it's a unique one. Probably a one-time thing.
I'm Dan Cummins the suck master the suck trickster licensed equity hack
shed room dealer. Desert Rose VIP Platinum Club member. Dick Byrd's
hairstylist and you are listening to Time Suck. Recording this episode ahead of
the Richard Byrd Las Vegas strip Strangler being released so I don't have
any feedback to address yet but I'm sure it's coming
Yeah, if you haven't listened that one yet. Wow biggest plot twist thus far at the end and that's it today
You sweet sweet meat sack you beautiful bastards
Now what crazy ass tail for real a crazy ass tail
For real, a crazy ass tale. So here's how this is all getting laid out today.
First we'll start with an overview of blood atonement and what Joseph Smith and Brigham
Young had to say about the practice, followed by a full timeline of the LeBaron family's
cult and crimes.
Then we will find out how Dick Byrd connects to this story.
I'll give you a hint.
He doesn't.
Here we go.
Joseph Smith, the founder of Mormonism, did not preach the concept of blood atonement
per se, but he seems to have laid the groundwork for Brigham Young to preach it after his death.
He thought that some sins were so egregious that the sinner became, quote,
"...beyond the reach of the atoning blood of Christ."
In these instances, the only hope for the sinner of, quote, beyond the reach of the atoning blood of Christ.
In these instances, the only hope for the sinner of getting into heaven was to have their, quote, own blood shed to atone.
And what kind of sins could lead to the shedding of one's blood?
Only very serious ones, like real heinous stuff. Like
clearly being the one who farted, but refusing to admit it. More than one person definitely heard the sound come out of your butt. The stink
clearly is emanating from you. The closer everyone gets to you, the more it
stinks. But still, you will not confess. Time to lose some blood. Or if you invite
anyone over for Thanksgiving dinner and you don't mention like at all that the
dinner will not be traditional
But then when everyone sits down to eat now they find out that there's no turkey. There's no ham
There's no meat at all because you decided to have a vegan Thanksgiving meal and fucking ruin it for everyone
Even the stuffing and the potato suck because you won't use butter or milk or chicken stock or eggs your piece of shit
You should have said something, but you didn't
because you knew that if you said
that you were serving some stuffed acorn squash bullshit
for the main course
and that the potatoes would have mushroom gravy,
no one would come to your stupid fucking house.
You deserve to lose some blood.
You deserve to die.
You know you do.
For real now, murder and adultery were the main sins
for which the punishment of blood
atonement could be dished out.
Apostasy was another, and apostasy is defined in this context as total desertion of or departure
from one's religion.
So leaving the cult, choosing to not believe the leader, well, that was a sin punishable
by death now.
It's a strong cult move.
Cult, cult, cult.
But don't worry, little kids were excluded from this practice. Well, that was a sin punishable by death now. It's a strong cult move. Cult, cult, cult.
But don't worry, little kids were excluded from this practice.
Joseph Smith preached that killing an innocent person, including a child under the age of eight,
excuse me, was unpardonable
and could lead to eternal damnation. So that's cool. That's cool.
Not gonna murder some little baby, you know, for calling bullshit on whatever Joseph was preaching and not gonna just execute
some seven-year-old for cheating on her husband. That's fucking crazy! But an eight-year-old? I mean, yeah. I mean, you're basically grown at that point.
Right? I had a wife and a kid by the time I was eight. I had an addiction to nicotine. I started smoking to deal with the stress of, you know, being stuck in middle management. Brigham Young continued preaching
a lot of these same ideas after Smith died, and he is credited in most sources as the one who first
truly promoted the concept of blood atonement that many a cult leader, years later, will latch onto.
In a famous 1857 sermon, he asked his congregation, will you love that man or woman well enough to shed his blood?
Weird that both man and woman are referred to as his. For the record, I hope that Lindsay does not love me that much.
I don't want anyone to love me that much. However much you need to love someone to be willing to shed their blood,
I hope I am best-case love just like a little tiny bit less than that.
I hope I am best-case love just like a little tiny bit less than that. Jung taught that some sinners were now angels to the devil
and could only be saved if fellow Mormons spilled their blood on the ground as a
smoking incense to the Almighty. Not just as an incense, a smoking
incense. That's extra serious. In an 1856 sermon later
published by Deseret News, Utah's largest and oldest newspaper
and media organization, Young said,
There are sins that men commit for which they cannot receive forgiveness in this world,
or in that which is to come.
And if they had their eyes open to see their true condition, they would be perfectly unwilling
to have their blood spilt upon the ground.
That the smoke thereof might ascend to heaven as an offering for their sins and the
smoking incense would atone for their sins, whereas if such is not the case, they will stick
to them and remain upon them in the spirit world." What is with the smoking blood talk?
I'm not some phlebotomist. I don't claim to be a blood expert, but I am positive that blood,
unless you were to maybe cook it up in a stove or burn it, put it in the microwave, or leave it in a saucepan
on high heat for too long, doesn't smoke.
I've had blood a fair amount of times.
It's never smoked.
It just doesn't come out of the body smoking.
Interesting language.
Smith continues, I know when you hear my brethren telling about cutting people off from the
earth that you consider it is strong
doctrine but it is to save them, not to destroy them.
I wonder how many serial killers have thought something very similar to this, to rationalize
their murders.
I don't kill all those girls!
I saved them.
I saved them from a life of sin.
I didn't kill them.
You're welcome society
back to Smith and furthermore, I
Know that there are transgressors who if they knew themselves and the only condition upon which they can obtain
Forgiveness would beg of their brethren to shed their blood that the smoke thereof
More smoke talk. Love some hot smoke and blood. Men can commit sins which it can never remit. There are sins that can be atoned for by an offering upon an altar, as in ancient days.
And there are sins that the blood of a lamb or a calf or of a turtle dove cannot remit.
But they must be atoned for by the blood of man.
What a bummer. It sucks that all the sins can't just be forgiven with some turtle dove blood.
That'd be nice. If all you had to do, worst case was just grab yourself a little turtle dove. This sermon by Brigham Young,
published in 1856, I imagine at least a few people who heard it or then read this were like,
oh, okay, shit just got real. Oh, wow. Okay. All right. I thought if I cheated on one of my many
wives, I would just get a talking to from a bishop, but now I'm getting murdered I guess
Some sources say that some historians say that in the 1850s Young frequently resorted to blood atonement to eliminate both his spiritual and business
rivals
I'm not so sure about that
In 1844 a few sources do state that he was said to have approved of a Mormon being killed by an unknown assailant in Nauvoo, Illinois, an act he characterized as, quote, a deed
of charity, because he might now possibly be redeemed in the eternal world.
But neither the victim nor the executioner are named.
If he did do something like that, if, I'm guessing the church has erased actual records
of it, I can't find sources that list any names of people killed, for example, or exact circumstances
under the umbrella specifically of blood atonement by Brigham Young.
Might just very well be gossip and rumor.
At the very least, though, with just that one sermon on blood atonement,
he opened a door that maybe Joseph Smith had already kind of cracked open, but he opened it wider
that will get a lot of people killed later. And that wasn't the only time he advocated for having
people killed for committing acts he considered sins, so they could get right with God and have
a chance at salvation. In March of 1849, as Young and the Council of 50 were drafting a plan for
a proposed state of Deseret, an attempt to form a new state in the U.S. that was actually going to
be a lot bigger than what Utah turned out to be.
Young spoke to the council about what to do with thieves, murderers, and adulterers.
And he said,
I want their cursed heads to be cut off, that they may atone for their crimes.
Council voted the next day that an imprisoned man,
quote, had forfeited his head,
and to dispose of him privately.
Okay. A few years later in a speech before the
Utah Territories legislature on February 5th, 1852, Young appeared to advocate the
passage of a law that required decapitation for whites who were quote
condemned by the law for miscegenation with black people and miscegenation with black people. And miscegenation, miscege- oh miscege- yeah miscegenation.
Lot of syllables. Means marriage or cohabitation between two people from
different racial groups. He told the legislature that miscegenation was a
grave sin that would bring a curse upon a man and all of his children that were
produced as results of the Union. He said that if a white Mormon quote,
in an unguarded moment should commit such transgression, decapitation would that were produced as results of the union. He said that if a white Mormon, quote,
in an unguarded moment should commit such transgression,
decapitation would do a great deal towards atoning for the sin.
It would do them good that they might be saved with their brethren.
He added, it is the greatest blessing
that could come to some men to shed their blood on the ground
and let it come up before the Lord as an atonement.
So here he's just, you know,
just casually advocating, cutting people's fucking heads off for hooking up with someone of another
race because that's how much he believed that God hated black people, I guess. So you know what,
maybe he did. Now that I think about it a little bit more, maybe he did authorize some blood
atonement executions. It for sure seems like that would have been in his character.
The LDS Church has denied the validity of blood atonement since 1889, 12 years after
Young died, but offshoot cults still preach it today.
Not many, but little fringy ones.
Some early church leaders following Brigham would even call it fiction or a theoretical
principle that was never really implemented in the church, you know, just trying to distance themselves
from it. Smith and Young though, not the only leaders preaching blood atonement.
The church's 10th president, Joseph Fielding Smith, nephew of founder Joseph
Smith, who was the head of the church towards at the end of his life from
January of 1970 to July of 1972, he wrote, Christ alone under certain circumstances will not avail. Joseph Smith taught that there were certain
sins so grievous that men may commit that they will place the transgressors beyond the power of
the atonement of Christ. If these offenses are committed then the blood of Christ will not cleanse
them from their sins even though they repent. Still thrown a nod to some sins only being forgiven
through death in the 1970s.
In more recent years though, no one in an LDS leadership position is saying this
kind of shit anymore. In the past several decades, the church has worked very hard
to distance itself from some of its most, you know, questionable and controversial
early teachings. 2010, the LDS church issued a statement to the Deseret News.
They're a great source of information, by the. I think my opinion. I've used them for non LDS topics as well
Yeah, that's a red seem like they're kicking ass down there. But uh
Yeah, they issued a statement to Deseret News about blood atonement and the statement reads as follows
Do we still want to chop mother frickers heads off from time to time? Of course we do
Want to chop mother frickers heads off from time to time? Of course we do.
Do we think some dipshoots will be better off dead?
Yes!
Anyone who doesn't at least occasionally wish they could celestially justify having someone
they don't care for killed is full snot.
No, gosh dang, they did not share that in that statement.
They shared,
In the mid-19th century, when rhetorical-emotional oratory was common, some church members and leaders used strong language and included notions of people making restitution for their sins by giving up their own lives.
However, so-called blood atonement, by which individuals would be required to shed their own blood to pay for their sins, is not a doctrine of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. We believe in and teach the infinite and all-encompassing atonement of Jesus Christ which makes forgiveness
of sin and salvation possible for all people." You know what church leaders
probably wanted to say? They wanted to say, is not a doctrine of the Church of Jesus
Christ of Latter-day Saints, nor has it ever been! But blood atonement has been.
Ervil the Baron and his cult will follow the old teachings that did justify blood atonement.
He was an OG. He was an O-M. He was an O-M. Original Mormon.
He didn't go fucking woke and ease up on advocating the potential chopping off of an eight-year-old's head
just because he's worried about the PC crowd canceling him. All right? Ervil was a fucking man. One of God's true studs. Hot hard father daddy covered in caffeine free
soda pop. Willing to follow the laws of his God no matter what the cost. They still make him.
They don't make him like Ervil anymore. Thank God. He's a fucking psychopath. He was a psychopath
who convinced his followers that they were killing for a divine purpose. And while part of Ervil likely did believe in Bringham Young's concept of blood atonement,
he also for sure killed some people because they were just a threat to his personal power.
Or he just held a personal grudge against them.
This is this story.
I cannot truly cannot believe this story has not been made into a movie.
As it kept going, I'm like this like a third of the way through.
I'm like there is more
Just what the fuck is happening here details this story already than a lot of like full episodes We've done and it just kept going and going and going and with that let's now begin our timeline of the LeBaron family
Shrap on those boots soldier. We're marching down a time suck timeline.
A quick note before I dive in on just a couple of the names in the timeline today.
I don't have a clue if I'm pronouncing them correctly.
I spent way too much time trying to track down a few of their names and could not find
anyone on YouTube or elsewhere saying those names.
A lot of articles where the names are written in print and I'm sure in the
middle of some six-hour docu-series you can probably find someone quickly saying
one of these names one time but I wasn't gonna lose that much sleep trying for
that. Just a couple. A couple real obscure names to me at least and to the
initial researcher who did a great job of assembling the first awesome draft
for today Olivia Lee.
Maybe you have a lot of Verlans and Dayers in your family or in your town, but I sure as shit do not. That said, I feel confident that most of them are correct and I hope I've guessed
correctly on the few others. Alma Dayer LeBaron Sr., the LeBaron family patriarch, born March 15th, 1886.
We go by Dayer.
Dayer LeBaron was the grandson of Benjamin F. Johnson, someone with a much more reasonable
name, secretary and part-time business partner of LDS Church founder Joseph Smith.
Dayer grew up in Mesa, Arizona, a city just east of the city limits of Phoenix, Arizona,
lived near his grandfather,
and then at some point of childhood he moved to Colonia Juarez, a town in the northern
Mexican state of Chihuahua to further his education.
Colonia Juarez was established in 1886 by Mormons and was settled by Mormon pioneers
who wanted to continue practicing polygamy without restrictions after church leaders
began to more aggressively condemn the practice leading
up to banning it outright September 24th 1890. Chihuahua and other Mexican states were once home
to hundreds of thousands of Mormons. Excuse me, before the start of the Mexican Revolution
it was fought between 1910 and 1917. Their father fled to Mexico in the late 1880s to escape federal
prosecution here in the states. He was part of the group that formed Colonial Juarez and Colonial Dublan.
Both were Mormon settlements in the state of Chihuahua.
It was here that he met his first wife, Barbara Bailey. They got married in 1904,
had one child together. But Dayer's strict and more unusual, by the day religious beliefs began
to alienate Barbara and she would leave him and take
their child to Salt Lake City to be with her mother.
Not long after these two get divorced, they return to Utah himself and settle down with
a woman named Maude Lucinda McDonald, his second wife, for shame.
How is he still alive?
Should have been blood atoned.
These two got married in 1910, and they fucked a lot over a lot of years.
They had 13 kids.
Five girls, seven boys.
Most of his kids were born in Arizona, California, Nevada, and Idaho.
How lucky.
How lucky are we to claim a little piece of this here?
Their sons were named Benjamin, Ross, Alma, Jr., Florin, Verlawn, Joel, Ervel, not listed here in birth order.
Apparently one wife and 13 kids, not enough for Dayer. Actually 14 kids since
he had that kid with his first wife. He still believed in plural marriage, which
as I mentioned was banned by the church in 1890. A controversial decision that
angered many fundamentalists because the early church one at one time preached
that you needed to have multiple wives to, you know,
be a Mormon of the most esteemed type of Mormon patriarch and, you know, receive the most
glory in the afterlife.
And many of these Mormons would continue to practice polygamy in Utah and elsewhere after
this decree.
In fact, Dare's grandfather, Benjamin F. Johnson, continued to practice in Arizona after the
church had prohibited it.
And Dare believed that his grandfather was
Joseph Smith's true rightful successor and that he should have been appointed to follow him.
Dayer's second wife was a woman named Oni Jones, another atypical name. I don't know a lot of Onis.
Dayer and Oni married in 1923, but then some higher-ups within the church, some rat-fink
tattletales, found out about
Dayer's new wife and had both him and the man who performed the sealing ceremony for
their wedding excommunicated on February 17, 1924 when Dayer is 37.
Dayer, his wives and eight children so far, all packed up and moved back to Colonial Juarez
now where polygamists were still accepted and they could live their lives freely.
At least the men could I mean the women were essentially
Trapped down there in a hellish cult and treated like house servants who just got fucked a whole bunch
But the men the noble patriarchs who so righteously
Submitted their their women property. They were free. That's what matters
Day I worked as a painter did odd jobs to support his family.
Dere would file a written request for permission to return to the mainstream LDS Church March 24th, 1934,
but he was never readmitted.
Dere's finest offspring, the great Ervel Moral LeBaron,
maybe Morel, I don't know, was born on February 22nd, 1925 in the small city of Galliana, Mexico.
Ervel's birthplace has been described as a destitute encampment set amongst sagebrush
and barrel cacti.
It seems nicer than that now.
Looking into it a little bit.
New York Times reported that the family was ostracized by their neighbors and that the
LeBaron kids didn't have much of a social life outside of each other.
Sounds right.
Probably had a little bit to do with Deir Niskin claiming they received revelations from God,
which they also called voices, callings, or commands.
That'll often cause the neighbors to become a little skittish around you.
Mama, can I go play over at the Lebaran house?
Are they still hearing God talk to them, sweetie?
Yeah? Then no, you cannot. God just told me that he hasn't said shit to them. Stay away from those lies.
Daryl LeBaron made pretty much all his major life decisions on the basis of these revelations.
And we've covered how personal revelations work in the LDS Church in depth numerous times
now. So no need to go over it again here now. Basically, it's real common. I can just sum
it up real quick. It's evolved a lot over the
years, but essentially it's this hierarchy system where God speaks to the current president of the
LDS church about what God wants for all Mormons, and then beneath him, other church leaders can
share revelations with their ward or their stake as long as those revelations don't contradict
established church doctrine or the recent, you know, any revelations of someone higher up in the chain of command than themselves.
Right? Mormon heads of households, they can receive revelations pertaining to their dominion,
which is their wife and kids, as long as again, those views don't contradict anyone above them.
And wives can receive revelations pertaining to just themselves, not their husbands and the kids,
but don't contradict church teachings or your husband or anyone above.
You know, kids can also receive revelations, but just for themselves.
Don't contradict mom or dad or any of the church teachings.
It's like a fucking weird Russian doll situation.
You can't just have God suddenly tell you that you don't have to do your chores and
now your parents have to abide by that so they don't risk incurring God's wrath.
That's the gist of it.
But of course, some people always overstep
like excommunicated zealots who now believe that they were kicked out for being too righteous and
While God is not talking to the fake-ass church that booted them. God is talking to them
Dayer had claimed that God Almighty had told him to take a second wife
Move to Mexico and not register for the World War I draft.
That's what God wanted.
No, you're too special.
No war for you.
And you're too much of a man to have just one wife.
According to author Scott Anderson, who wrote a book about some LeBaron family-commanded
blood atonement killings, carried out decades later, we'll cover it, called The Four O'Clock
Murders, there was not the only nut in his family.
He wrote that several members of the family suffered from insanity.
So the environment that Ervel is raised in, he's got, there's a lot of mental illness
in his family.
His dad thinks he's a fucking pseudo prophet.
So he again, he came about his crazy earnestly.
One of his daughters, one of Ervel's sisters, Lucinda, suffered from a violent psychosis,
which led to her parents, quote, literally chaining her up inside a hut.
That's how one source put it.
And his son Ross will often call a Salt Lake City radio station years later to express his belief that Jesus is about to return on a spaceship.
Do any of these kids get psychiatric treatment?
No, I don't think so.
Why bother with that when you can save money and just chain your kid up in a hut.
God, the good old days when you could just chain kids in a hut. It'd be so much easier for a parent now.
Dayer's son, Benjamin LeBaron, didn't just hear voices sharing God's messages with him.
He started to hear voices telling him that he was God. A lot of good stuff going on in his family.
Dinners, I imagine, were never boring. Benjamin was the first of
Dayer's sons to make a claim about his spiritual abilities before he became God, of course.
You don't want to lead with that. You want to build up to it. As a kid, Benjamin started calling
himself the One Mighty and Strong, which comes from an old Joseph Smith prophecy. This will be
kind of a through line here, so I should talk about it for a second. The One Mighty and Strong will
be the one according to Smith who can quote,
set in order the house of God. Smith claimed he received that prophecy in 1832.
Smith transcribed his revelation in a letter to early Mormon leader William W. Phelps,
November 27th of that year. And he claimed that Jesus revealed the following unto a hymn.
to a hymn. It shall come to pass, that I, the Lord God, will send one mighty and strong, holding the
scepter of power in his hand, clothed with light for recovery, whose mouth shall utter
words, eternal words, while his bowels shall be a fountain of truth, to set in order the
house of God, and to arrange by lot the inheritances of the saints, whose names are found, and the
names of their fathers, and of their children enrolled in the book of the law of God.
While that man, who is called of God and appointed, that put forth his hand to
steady the ark of God, shall fall by the vivid shaft of lightning.
These things I say not of myself.
Therefore, as the Lord speaketh, he will also fulfill."
What about a children's died right there? Then you'd be like,
oh man, maybe that was God talking. Smith never revealed the identity of the One Mighty and Strong
in his lifetime. Also, while his bow shall be a fountain of truth, does that mean that the One
Mighty and Strong will literally shit truth? Or spray paint truth? I mean, he said fountain. That
must be how you know someone is truly the one mighty and strong and not some imposter that they have truth diarrhea.
The LeBarens believe that the one mighty and strong was the rightful heir of Joseph Smith as the leader of the Council of 50.
A council established by Smith to prepare for the second coming.
Group of fine patriarchs, fucking hot hard father daddy patriarchs ready at all times to begin establishing some version
of Gilead from the Handmaid's Tale, a theocratic kingdom of God. Another name for this council
that was established back in 1844, which means they've had a lot of dudes who have waited
for the second coming for years but never got to see shit. Anyway, this other name was
– this is so many words, I love this,
the kingdom of God and his laws with the keys and power thereof and judgment to the hands of his
servants, amen, Christ. I get why they more commonly refer to it as the Council of Fifty.
Anyway, after Benjamin made his bold claim, the LeBaron family declared that they possessed true
priesthood authority. The boy is smoking! We do not have to worry about being excommunicated. In addition to his
prophetic visions, Benjamin liked to sometimes roar, I love this, to prove he
was the Lion of Israel. Like he would literally just make a roar sound. Not
sure if he would first dress up in like a lion costume before he made that roar,
but I hope he did because that's very funny to me. He once roared and then dropped to the ground and knocked out 200 push-ups in the
middle of an intersection, you know, to prove that he had lion of Israel strength. His triceps,
tilts and pecs were as strong as his mind was weak. He will later in life not surprisingly
be admitted to the Utah State Mental Hospital. But before that misunderstanding, Benjamin tried to start
his own church and some of his brothers followed him initially, but then his church failed
and Benjamin threw himself off a bridge in 1978 and died at the age of 65. His younger
brother Ross LeBaron will go on to form a cult called the Church of the Firstborn, 1955, work as a pastor and a goat farmer. That's a fun combo. A little goat farm and side hustle.
He later talked to the New York Times about some religious conflicts in his family saying,
both my brothers stole the church and then they got to fighting among themselves.
It's like Cain and Abel, Jacob and Esau. So much going on in this one family and we haven't even got to the the real crazy.
Backing up now and reconnecting with the timeline.
Right after today's first of two mid-show sponsor breaks.
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now reconnecting with his crazy family's timeline in the summer of
1944 in June of 1944 five of their LeBaron sons Alma jr. Benjamin Ervel
Ross Joel were all officially excommunicated from the LDS church for polygamy and
heresy
They've been baptized in the LDS faith before
their dad had gotten excommunicated. I doubt they cared, right? Dad's been kicked out for
years. Yeah, they've been doing their own thing, whatever. But the church makes it official.
That same year, if not a bit earlier, Dayer LeBaron began building his own religious colony in Mexico,
set up just like LDS settlement colonies had already been previously established,
like LDS settlement colonies had already been previously established, calling it Colonia Lebaron. Colonia Lebaron still exists today, located in northwest Chihuahua
near Nuevo Casas Grandes, Colonia Juarez, and Colonia Dublan. And it's bigger than a
lot of towns in the area. There are just over a thousand inhabitants in Colonia
Lebaron, and some allegedly still practice polygamy
and allegedly almost certainly and are essentially a cult still to this day. The compound is located
on a stretch of highway four hours south of El Paso, Texas. In recent decades, the highway has
become a major route for drug trafficking into the U.S. Additional Lebaron followers still live in
Baja California, in the state of California, Central America, and Utah.
Growing up, Ervel worked in the farm fields of Colonial Lebaron with his siblings.
As a young adult, he and his brothers traveled throughout Mexico trying to bring converts
into their little cult colony. They fully believed in their father's LDS offshoot teachings, you know,
the God is talking to me now teachings. Ervel will go on to have 13 wives as I mentioned earlier and father at least 50
kids. His brother Joel will have seven wives, weak, only father 44 children,
what do you hate sex? But his brother Verlon, a true, a true patriarch, blessed
by God. While he'll only have 10 wives, only, he'll set the LeBaron family procreation high score of 58 kids.
Legitimate kids. Who knows how many illegitimate kids these people had.
Not sure how well Verlain's mind was working, but his cockaballs? Oh, tip-top shape.
1951, Almadare LeBaron Sr. dies at the age of 64 in Galeana.
He's buried in the Colonial LeBaron Cemetery and on his headstone are the words,
The time will come when they will beat trails from the four corners of the earth to this
place because of the work that will take place here.
Now I doubt it.
I really doubt it.
Before he died of some unnamed illness, it seems he passed leadership
on to his son Joel. And Joel now founded a proper church called the Church of the Firstborn of the
Fullness of Times. If that name sounds familiar, it's because his brother Ross founded a church
called the Church of the Firstborn. Ross will found his church just months after Joel founds his.
He doesn't want to be part of his brother's church. He thinks God's talking to him instead of his
brother. Sibling rivalry! Not even cult leaders are immune to it.
The concept of the firstborn has significance in both Mormonism and mainstream Christianity.
In many cultures and ancient times, the firstborn son was the one who became leader of the family
once the father died.
Firstborn had to be a righteous man and he could lose the birthright by acting in an
unrighteous manner.
The firstborn son was said to belong to God
and received a double portion of his father's possessions after his death. He
was also responsible for caring for his mother and sisters. When the Church of
the Firstborn or the Fullness of Times was initially founded, it was accepted
that Joel was the one mighty and strong. Dayer gave him his designation or this
designation before his death. Even though he was not Dayer's firstborn son, he was actually his fifthborn son.
No wonder Ross, thirdborn son, was pissed off.
Everyone in Colonial LeBaron believed that under Joel's leadership they were preparing
for the imminent coming of Christ.
Or at least they pretended to believe that, if they were one of his brothers and secretly
super fucking pissed off, that he was in charge and not them.
Donna Goldberg, the daughter of Verlain LeBaron, said in her interview for the 2024 Hulu docu-series, Daughters of the Cult, which came out the beginning of January,
Uncle Joel the Prophet was more revered than Jesus.
I love the wording of Uncle Joel the Prophet. Who's your uncle? Oh, Uncle Joel the Prophet over there.
More revered than Jesus.
Man, what a cool ass uncle.
September 21st, 1955, the Barron brothers,
Joel, Ross, and Florin all traveled to Salt Lake City
to incorporate their new church.
And Alex flexes some new prophet muscles.
Fuck you, LDS.
We have our own church now, also in Utah, also official.
Boom. Joel was ordained as president. He installed Ervil, his next youngest brother, We have our own church now also in Utah also official boom
Joel was ordained as president He installed Ervil his next youngest brother as his second command gave his even younger brother Verlawn third rank made another younger brother
Florin his first counselor and older brother Ross. Oh
He got dissed. He was only made a patriarch. Oh
Ross is so pissed his baby fucking brother who shouldn't even be in charge,
and now that fake-ass prophet little cocksucker just gave him the lowest rank. Might as well have
slapped him in the face. Joel claimed that around this time he was visited by a number of prophets
who wanted to advise him on his new church leadership position, including some people you
may have heard of. Jesus, Abraham, Moses, Elijah, Joseph Smith. Uh-huh. Yeah, totally, totally.
If that really happened and anyone can somehow actually prove it, I'll record an episode of Time Suck,
where instead of sharing a research presentation on some random topic, I'll eat my own dick.
These batch of crazy brothers returned to Mexico in early 1957 and continued working on expanding their new church.
Well, they all returned except for Ross. Ross stayed in Salt Lake City. He was a little salty. These batch of crazy brothers returned to Mexico in early 1957 and continued working on expanding their new church.
Well, they all returned except for Ross.
Ross stayed in Salt Lake City.
He was a little salty about being named patriarch, so he formed his own church.
Alma Jr. joined the church once they returned, the other brothers.
Ervil published a pamphlet titled Priesthood Expounded, which would become a foundational
text for Joel's church.
Ross back in Salt Lake City in December of 1955 starts that rival church called the Church of the Firstborn
Said he believed his purpose was to prepare for the coming of the actual
Not my dipshit baby brother one mighty and strong and he believed that person would be quote an Indian prophet
Probably said that mostly because his brother was obviously not from India or not Native American. I'm not sure which one he meant by that. But it's not Joel.
Okay. Definitely not Joel. Meanwhile, the cult community of colonial Lebaron opens a nursery,
school, kitchen, and laundry. They're going big. Really making a proper compound. As second
command, Ervil was in charge of job assignments and scheduling. Joel was a soft spoken leader.
Many considered him say like he like a pretty gentle guy.
Ervel, not so much.
Ervel, less than two years younger than Joel,
the opposite, a lot more brash.
In the summer of 1956, these guys are 33 and 31 years old.
Ervel's daughter Celia said about him in that 2020,
yeah, said about him in that 2024 Hulu docu-series,
Daughters of the Cult.
Ervel was the big talker.
He knew scripture inside and out.
Oh, cult, cult, cult, they always do the best cult leaders.
They got that shit memorized.
He was highly intelligent, charismatic.
Ervel's niece, Stephanie Spencer, said,
my uncle Ervel, I saw him convert people.
He knew how to read people's eyes.
And he studied till he saw that snap
and showed that they had been converted.
Ervel and Joel recruited largely from a population of ex-community Mormons and new Mexican LDS converts or converts and Ervel focused more on lady converts
than his bro Joel. Women were drawn to a young Ervel. He was considered a handsome fella,
tall, muscular, 6'4", 225 pounds, described as having a square jaw,
strong nose, sandy brown hair, and green eyes.
Confident, charismatic.
And a lot of women wanted to marry him because of his high standing in the colony.
Ervel was also real puss out, very high sex drive.
Oh, and a pitot.
And he was a pitot, like most of these holy prophet polygamists seem to be.
Like a true cult leader, he was clearly into all of this mostly for the women and the girls.
According to the website crimelibrary.org, he was a sexual carnivore, doggedly pursuing married women,
sisters, prepubescent girls, and middle-aged matrons alike.
He would tell each one that God had told him to marry her.
So he's a real piece of shit
Ervil believed that the Virgin Mary became a mother at age 14 and therefore
Obviously acceptable for him to fuck 13 year olds, right? I mean he didn't say it quite like that
No profanity is offensive. That's dirty. That's sinful smart stuff, but kid fucking it's righteous. It's wholesome
Colony residents did not oppose him.
Many offered their young daughters to him to be his brides, to increase their social standing.
What a fun world for a kid to grow up in.
As previously mentioned, Ervel will take a lot of folks up on their offers to marry their kids.
He'll go on to have at least 13 wives, 50 children with those wives, at least 50.
Let's talk about his kids a bit before continuing on with his timeline.
The LeBaron children, not sure exactly how many siblings they have.
Some say 51.
Ervel's daughter, Celia LeBaron, says there's 55.
I've seen some sources say 54.
Hiram LeBaron explained that most of them just say there's over 50 because they're
not sure.
That's fucking crazy.
Ervel's daughter, Anna, believes he actually had 14 wives, not 13. And how
many illegitimate kids did he father? How many non-wives did he fuck? I would
imagine dozens. I don't think a dude with 13 wives cares a lot about commitment.
Or 14 wives. Ervel's children, however many he had, they didn't know their father
well, but they knew enough to be afraid of him. In a 2017 interview with the BBC,
Anna said, we were taught to live in awe of him as God's prophet, as the one true prophet on earth. We were taught that we were
celestial children having been born from the prophet Ervel the barren and we
believed it. Even though we were treated so poorly, we still believed we were
celestial children. Anna said she can count on one hand how many times she was
in the same room as her father. She continued, he used fear to manipulate and control people.
We were absolutely afraid of not doing what we were told, and we didn't have a voice.
Anna's mother was Ervel's fourth wife, Anna Mae Marston.
Anna was separated from Anna Mae at a young age and grew up running from law enforcement,
looking for her dad, staying in safe houses in Mexico and the southwestern U.S., where she had
to sleep on dirty foam mattresses and
Scavenged for food and trash cans with the other children when the kids lived in the US
They had to keep their windows covered in case herbal visited so they could hide him from the police
Anna said she did not know that her father was wanted by both the FBI and Mexican police for murders and
Recalled that she and her siblings had lived in 10 to 15 different houses by the time she was 10 years old. The children will be woken up in the middle
of the night told to put their shoes on and gather the things and not ask and to
not ask questions. According to her sister Celia they once lived in a 1500
square foot home with three wives and 20 kids. Oh my god! They weren't allowed to
play outside because the landlords and neighbors couldn't know what they were
doing. They were taught to say I I don't know, when asked any questions by any authority figures.
For most of their childhood, the children lived without electricity and running water and bathed in tubs once a week.
They rarely wore shoes and they stole clothing from donation boxes.
Anna said, we were taught that we were being persecuted because we were God's chosen people and that the world outside didn't understand us
That was how they used to explain all the moving in the middle of the night and staying ahead of the law
cult cult cult
The kids were forced to work in a succession of appliance repair shops always called Michaels appliances
Like the Archangel this is the main source of income for years for Ervel's Ervel's cult
This cult actually had a little franchise one point the boys do the repairs the girls This was the main source of income for years for Ervel's cult. This cult actually had a little franchise at one point. The boys would do the repairs,
the girls would clean the appliances. Ervel's daughter Celia recalled that they
worked 12-hour days most days starting at the age of 9 or 10. And if they
protested at all, they were beaten. And it recalled, I watched siblings of mine
receive horrific beatings for any type of attitude. And these are young kids.
They're kids.
How much work can you really get out of a 10-year-old or an 11-year-old?
Really?
You can get work out of them if you are beating them.
The children were usually allowed to attend school, but they were forbidden to talk about
what happened behind closed doors at home.
They were taught to lie, according to Anna.
Anna also explained that the girls were low in the cult social order, saying,
It was a patriarchy for sure.
And the young girls were groomed to become wives of polygamous men that already had wives.
We were groomed to accept that.
And to know that's where we were headed when we became of marriageable age.
Blech.
Marriageable age, by the way, was 15.
Anna escaped when she was 13.
And I'd read, you know, in case I don't bring it up.
I know I mentioned at least one case of it but a lot of these kids were
being you know sexually groomed and molested you know pre-pubescent you know
well before the age of 15 like 12 and younger. Yeah yeah yeah and yeah so
she ran away when she was 13 which is confusing. mean, it seems like she was destined for a dream life
Why why wasn't she pumped to have some old guy, you know make make her his teenage sex slave?
Wait, do some women not want that to some women want to be more than to be of Ervil or of Verlonde or?
of some other fucking weird name in this cult family
And escape when she and her mother were ordered to move to Denver
she felt like it might be her last chance to run before she was gonna
be forced into marriage. In that Daughters of the Cult docu-series, Anna said that
one of her sisters helped her escape. Last thing her sister said to her was,
after sneaking out of the house, start walking. I just keep walking. She left
with nothing more than the clothes she was wearing that day. Anna would later
tell a BBC journalist, I could not believe that my mother had been talked back into going back to Denver when we were
experiencing a life in Houston that was the most normal I had ever experienced. We had lived in
the same house for about a year, the longest I'd ever lived anywhere, and we were eating food that
was purchased in grocery stores. And we were paid to work. We could even save up money. It was now
or never. And the feelings that I had inside, that bitterness and the injustices that we had
experienced, that left me with a very strong feeling about not wanting to go back.
Good for her. Boys didn't have it great either. Ervel's son Hiram said he was beaten whenever he
didn't obey his father's teachings, which was often because his dad's teachings were crazy.
All the children were indoctrinated from birth and made to believe Ervel was God's mouthpiece.
Anna said in her interview with BBC, when you are so convinced that someone is right,
that you are willing to do anything, and even if you disagree, if you are so afraid to voice
that disagreement and you just go and do it, that's the ultimate control. And he had that.
People did what he said to their own detriment. According to Anna, Ervel's followers, children and wives were pawns that he
groomed to kill for him. Okay, back to the Church of the
Firstborn now. Joel's Church of the Firstborn, not Ross's.
Let's reconnect with the growing cult back in 1964. 1964, the
brothers expanded their church with a new settlement in Los
Molinos, an 8500 acre ocean beachfront property in Baja California, with a couple settlement in Los Molinos, an 8,500 acre ocean beachfront
property in Baja California with a couple thousand of those acres being farmland.
Sounds fucking awesome scenery-wise. Not so much indoctrination and you know and child rape.
Several dozen members of the church who are now calling themselves first borners
lived there. They maintained wheat fields and raised goats.
A lot of goat farming going on in this suck.
Joel wanted Los Molinos to be an agricultural paradise where poor Mormons could work on a communal farm.
Ervel, however, he wanted to turn it into a resort.
Ignoring Joel's protest of this, which is essentially the same thing as ignoring God since Joel is God's one true prophet, Ervel.
He met with investors from the US and flew them down to view the property.
The church was having money problems and Ervel thought a resort would be a great way to make
a quick buck.
And why was the church having money problems?
Well, Ervel was bringing in more converts than they could provide for.
And they were all fucking too much, kicking out too many kids.
There was a shortage of food and clothing.
Ervel would try out a variety of ways to make money for the cult including selling fish,
harvesting pine nuts from forests in California, and gambling in Las Vegas.
Okay, kind of all over the place. Didn't expect that to go from fish to pine nuts
to doubling down on 11 at the blackjack table to flamingo. Other members of the
Church of the Firstborn might not have been too surprised about Ervel trying to
raise money by heading to Vegas.
He was always looking for an easy way to make money.
He didn't seem to work as hard as most others in the colony. People began to gossip about his expensive clothes, his car, all the different women he was seen with. I knew he was fucking more women than his many wives.
While Church members wore raggedy clothing and cut back on their food intake, Ervel skimming funds to indulge himself goes a fancy steakhouse.
He's driving a golden Pala, which the first borners nicknamed the golden calf.
Ervil said that God told him to buy that car. No shit.
God told him to buy that car because it would impress potential converts.
That, you know what? That's, that does sound like God. That sounds like God.
Herval, this is God. Your church is the one true church.
The only one that can save men's souls.
But who will join if you continue to drive that old hoopty beater?
You need something new.
Something sexy.
You need that gold empa- I command it, Ervel. Get yourself
a gold impala for God.
Where did he get the money for his impala? Ervel was the one who collected the 10% tithes
required of all members who held outside jobs, so he just fucking skimmed off the top. Spent
his free time reading the Old Testament, right? Good cult leader move. Got to memorize that scripture.
Ultimately came to believe he could kill those who disobeyed him.
This is because during ancient biblical times, the punishment for breaking
the Ten Commandments was death or often death.
So Ervel came up with some decrees he called civil law,
which were based somewhat on the Ten Commandments.
And he declared that anyone who broke one of these laws would die
He started threatening the congregation with shit like disembowelment stoning beheading here. We fucking go
More money and the more people Ervel brought in the more power hungry he became and all of this not sitting right with brother Joel Joel was supposed to be the true prophet
But now Ervel fucking Ervel his little brother is preaching about his bullshit revelations what the heck? It was them it for his brother Gru, Ervel
started going on some real hellfire and damnation rants which were very
different from Joel's more gentle teachings and then Ervel started stealing
other men's wives that tends to lead to a bit of discord. One of the women Ervel
stole was Anna Mae Marston, met her the future mother of a dozen of his kids.
Anna Mae was married and lived in the the future mother of a dozen of his kids.
Anna Mae was married and lived in the US until a certain charismatic kind of but not really LDS preacher came to town and
visited her home. She heard him speak that evening and she was smitten, real smitten. Left her husband with no warning. Just bounced.
He had that God cock. This reported the first time Ervel took a married man's wife.
So he means meaning he did this more.
Also as bad as this was, he did do a good job of making it right.
Ervel promised to give Anna's husband two more wives in exchange for her handed marriage.
They're just trading bartering ladies now.
Everyone wins! You lost your wife.
I know that sucks.
Because she's hot as shit.
But check out these two babes, right? I mean, yeah, individually, neither one of them is as hot lost your wife. I know that sucks because she's hot as shit. But check out these two babes, right?
I mean, yeah individually neither one of them is as hot as your wife
But together probably hotter and they're dying for some dick. They're yours a little token of appreciation
For you letting me fuck your wife. Well for fucking your wife even though you didn't let me do that
You know what? Why can't we all just ride their bikes?
Well, what's a bike really if you can't share it? I rode your bike, and I'm still riding your bike.
But now, I'm giving you two new bikes, new to you.
They're probably used.
Well, they are used.
I've already ridden them a ton.
Down off ditches, off ramps and shit.
If you don't know what all that bike talk is, you know what?
Then I guess you're kind of new here.
And thanks for stopping by.
I hope you stay.
Bring your bike on into the stock dungeon someday.
New, used, doesn't matter. It's your bike. If you're happy with it your bike on into the suck dungeon someday. New, used,
doesn't matter. It's your bike. If you're happy with it, well that's what's important.
And I hope you're having fun riding. Anyway, the little snafu with the married lady caused further
strain in Ervil's relationship with Joel. Joel kept trying to rein him in, but Ervil, you can't
control Ervil. That's the one thing I know for sure about Ervil the Baron. Can't be controlled.
And their rift deepens. Joel and Ervil's rivalry also grew more intense because they disagreed on major issues such as property management and their interpretations of the Book of Mormon.
Soon Joel was accusing Ervil of trying to take over his church and plotting to establish a rival cult, which was fair because that was exactly what he was doing.
Summer of 1972.
Ervil informs Brother Joel of his latest revelation.
Check this shit out. God just told him this. God wants the both of them to run the church as equals.
Boom, bitch! Checkmate! Don't fucking try and not accept this. God said it, dick!
I picture them getting into like a heated sibling argument, and then because they're brothers,
they get into an insane wrestling match, just pulling each other's hair, giving wedgies.
If that's full of your true prophet, why do I have most of his underwear in my hand right now?
Joel refused to share leadership and demoted Ervel your move brother
Ervel literally cried before the congregation when Joel made this announcement shamed him that night He walked away and began plotting his revenge
Now the congregation is truly
divided. Members are arguing about, you know, which brother is the true prophet? Joel or
Ervel? No one's saying Ross. Poor Ross. Ervel now decides to found his own church. The Church
of the Firstborn. 3.0! Now thank God he didn't do that. That would make the rest of this
episode very confusing. But he does actually call it the Church of the Firstborn of the Lamb of God.
For real.
It'll be shortened to the Church of the Lamb of God to make it less confusing.
He took 125 members of Joel's 1,000-member congregation, so decent, and set up his church
back in Colonial Lebaron.
Have fun on the beach, brother!
I'm going back to the desert with the true believers." Joel quickly promoted
his brother Verlon and the two continued running the church of the firstborn at the Los Molinos
oceanfront, way cooler than the other settlement settlement. And then once settled into his new
digs, Ervil really takes his sibling prophet off to the next level. He declares that Joel
is a false prophet and that he must die because he disobeyed God's one true mighty
prophet. Sunday, Sunday, Sunday! At the Tijuana Luchadores Civic Arena, we have brother versus
brother, prophet versus prophet. It's a biblical showdown for the ages. One claims to lead
God's one true church and usher in the second coming of Christ. The other claims exactly that same thing.
Who wins and picks up more wives?
Who dies in the cage and burns in hell for being a false prophet?
We'll sell you the whole seat.
What's going near the edge?
Also, Ervel doesn't fuck around in the church when it comes to collecting tithing.
He might have less followers, but he squeezes more money out of them through threats.
According to Ervel's niece, Stephanie Spencer, Ervel started saying things like, this is
a quote, some of your husbands, if they don't start getting behind me and doing what they
should and paying their tithing, they are going to be pushing up carrots in the garden.
It's a very clean way, very non-vulgarity way of saying I'm gonna fucking kill those
motherfuckers.
Ervel promoted a follower named Dan Jordan to the position of drill sergeant slash lieutenant
to help scare folks into paying up for like a lot of the people who left his brother church
to follow him or have a lot of second thoughts right about now.
Why why why did we leave the beach?
The weather was better, the views were better, Joel was better.
I mean it's the good old days where yeah all the views were better, Joel was better. I mean, it's a good old
days where yeah, all the ladies were still getting fucked by the LeBaron brothers, but we men got
threatened a lot less." Ervil and his new henchmen, Dan Jordan, started bringing guns into the
community now and having their followers practice military drills, including the children. Dan
Jordan, while I'm just bringing him up now, he has been a part of Ervil's inner circle for a while.
Ervil's stepdaughter, Faye, recalled that Ervil would promise one of his daughters to
certain men if he wanted to impress them or earn their loyalty.
The dude was a pimp.
Daddy pimp.
He feels like the worst kind of pimp.
When Faye was just 15, her mother told her that Ervil had a revelation.
God told him she was supposed to marry Dan Jordan, who was 42 at that time.
She was afraid, knew Dan already had wives, but she also knew she had to go along with it.
So she and another stepsister, both given to Dan, married on the same night.
Dan literally flipped a coin to see who he would spend the first night with him.
That's classy. What a romantic wedding night.
What a bunch of godly, righteous men. All this is being done, of course, for the glory of God and
nothing else. On August 10th, 1972, Ervel publishes a 128 page pamphlet titled
Message to a Covenant People, and in it he talks quite a bit about death. He wrote
stuff like, To disregard and walk over this, his own authority, as far as Ervil's
authority, is an act of treason against heaven that carries the penalty of death in this world.
Then he ordered the assassination of his brother 10 days later.
And his faithful listened, and they obeyed the word of God.
August 20, 1972, 49-year-old Joel LeBaron is murdered in Ensenada, Baja, California
He fucking did it had his own brother murdered for not letting him take over his cult
herbal's right-hand man Dan Jordan and an accomplice
Andres Zerate Arista
Lured Joel and his son out to an abandoned shack
They then separated the pair once they got Joel alone Dan and his accomplice first beat him with a chair leg, then shot him. They lured Joel and his 14 year old son, Ivan,
to the shack under the pretense of picking up a car. Ivan waited outside
while his dad went inside supposedly to grab it. Ivan later reported that he
heard someone start to shout, kill him, followed by gunshots. Then he saw the two
men speed off in their car and he ran inside and found his dad's body. Joel had been shot twice in the head.
Father Prophet is dead.
Members of the church of the firstborn went to the authorities and told the police that
Ervel was behind the murders.
One of Joel's followers claimed he saw Dan Jordan with Joel just before he was killed.
Baja police started an investigation and began searching for Ervel, Dan Jordan and Andres
Zarate Arista, but all three had gone on the run. And now for the next few months, Ervel, his many wives, and his many
many kids, moved constantly to avoid the police. Meanwhile, back at the Firstborn
beach cult, Verlain the Baron became the new leader of the Church of the Firstborn.
He knew Ervel was going to come after him and try and kill him, so he traveled
often and switched cars to ensure no one knew where he was staying. His family is just like a little tiny bit dysfunctional.
Soon Verlain could relax though. In this case the manhunt for Ervel didn't last too long.
And you'll find out why right after the seconds of two mid-show sponsor breaks.
And I'm back and now let's see how this manhunt for Ervel LeBaron is going.
December 1st 1972, Ervel walks into the police station in Ensenada with two lawyers and demands
that charges against him be dropped.
Ervel said he was sick and tired of running, needed to get back to taking care of his church.
And the police, they didn't give a shit about his church because they hadn't been brainwashed.
He was just some random dipshit to them.
So instead of dropping charges, they threw him in jail for a year.
While he waited his trial.
So his plan, you know, it backfired just a little bit.
What an emotional rollercoaster he's walking in.
Hey, I'm sick of this persecution.
All right, to me, drop the charge.
You know who I am?
Get your hands off me.
Hey, do you know who I am?
And then he's just sitting in the cell.
They're being like, ah, that's come on. What's going on now?
During his time in prison, his mother, Maude, wrote him a letter
telling him that he should be placed in a mental institution.
He has a tough, you know, couple of months.
Yeah, he thinks he's they're going to going to drop the charges
and instead they throw him in jail.
And then, you know, he's feeling down, but he's like, oh, my mom wrote me.
And she's like, you're fucking nuts.
You should never be unlocked.
You should never be out in the public again.
Thanks, mom.
Also, she is right.
Uh, Irvill LeBaron was convicted of being the intellectual author of Joel's murder
on November 12th, 1973.
He was sentenced to 12 years in prison.
Doesn't feel like much.
Uh, he would have been given a stiffer sentence, but prosecutors couldn't conclusively place
him at the crime scene, even though there were witnesses.
Okay.
Well, I guess I couldn't, no, I'm sorry.
There were witnesses for his assassin.
I don't know.
I got confused there for a second.
Now he was not at the crime scene.
Sentencing wouldn't matter anyway.
He's not going to serve the 12 years.
Just two months later, two months, it goes from 12 years to two months.
He's released from prison, February 14th, 1974.
What the heck?
What's going on?
Well, he converted the entire prison staff and they refused to keep their new god locked
up.
No, a Supreme Court overturned the verdict because the co-defendants who killed Joel
were not present at the trial.
Some kind of technicality.
Seems fishy.
The New York Times reported that he may have paid a bribe to secure his release.
That sounds more correct. After he was released, Ervel left Mexico, traveled to Yuma, Arizona,
met up with some of his followers there. They began calling him new honorifics,
such as Lord Anointed. That's nice. One mighty and strong. The prophet of God.
And the best boy who always goes pee-pee in the potty. Maybe not the last one.
Ervel was paranoid that Joel's followers would try to retaliate, so he started carrying a gun. and the best boy who always goes peepee in the potty. Maybe not the last one.
Ervil was paranoid that Joel's followers would try to retaliate so he started
carrying a gun and required his wives and kids to take marksmanship classes
from a follower of his who served in Vietnam. If his brother Verlon was gonna
try and kill him, well he'd have to kill all his wives and kids first to get to
him. Meanwhile, Verlon LeBaron was now hiding out way down in Nicaragua
because he feared Ervil was going to kill him. So much brother on brother profit on profit action
in this suck. Why can't every dipshit cult leader have some dipshit brothers who are also cult leaders?
It makes all this that much more entertaining. In May of 1974, Ervel publishes another pamphlet. Co-leaders love a pamphlet. This one is ominously titled,
Hour of Crisis, Day of Vengeance.
Great name.
Sounds like the title of an action movie from the 1980s.
Coming this summer, it's Hour of Crisis, Day of Vengeance.
Starring Sylvester Stallone as Kurt Sharp, once LA's finest homicide detective,
now suspended from the force for busting up one too many busted bad guys.
Hey yo, what do you want me to do? Hold their heads? Read them a bedtime story? The bad guys!
Also starring Steven Seagal as The Razor, an underworld crime boss who has just kidnapped a bunch of hostages including Kurt's wife.
Yeah I'm a bad guy who isn't afraid to slice anyone standing in my way. The Razor has given the city just one hour to keep the hostages alive by giving him and his thugs a billion dollars.
It's an hour of crisis that's about to turn into a day of vengeance. This film was rated R and not suitable for all audiences.
Ervil's wordy writing.
I want to see that movie.
Ervil's wordy writing was difficult to understand, but the basic message was that Ervil demanded
tithes from his congregation.
No exceptions.
And also, not cool to pay tithes to my stupid brother brothers fake ass prophet church either. He wrote,
it is a criminal offense punishable by death. I feel like all his punishments are just death.
He skips everything else, just goes to death. It is a punishable offense,
criminal offense punishable by death for enlighten people to pay tithes and offerings to thieves
and robbers and other fundamentalist leaders. The sword of vengeance will hang over the heads of all those who should
fail. I feel like this needs that same music. The sword of vengeance will hang over the heads of all
those who should fail to hear the word of God. Willful failure to comply with the book's minimum
requirements constitutes the crime of rebellion against God. Coming this summer, Rebellion Against God.
Few months later, in October of 1974, now prolific author, prolific pamphlet author,
Ervel and murderous henchman, Dan Jordan,
these fucking intellectuals, co-author another pamphlet
called A Contest at Law.
This awesome text proclaimed God's constitutional law,
which requires the execution of imposters
and criminal ecclesiastical leaders who take a course
to deceive mankind. Okay, a lot of execution talk around Ervel. When
Verlahn's followers did not turn their tithes over to the Church of the
Lamb of God, Ervel decided they had to now destroy the Los Molinos settlement.
Once again, the faithful heeded the word of their God.
I love how this just keeps getting crazier. December 26th, 1974, a group of Ervel's followers
head over to the Los Molinos colony on Ervel's orders. There's 30 families living there at this
time. Ervel's followers launch Molotov cocktails at a tower at other buildings,
including a house where members are preparing to hold a meeting. Residents rush outside to get away
from the fire, try to stop the flames, excuse me, from destroying their community. And then
members of Ervel's fucking goon church start firing into the crowd. What the fuck is happening?
It's a cult war. How did we not suck this topic already years ago?
19 year old Monassas Menendez and 24 year old Edmundo Aguilar are killed.
19 more are injured.
Multiple homes and buildings are burned to the ground.
And once again, the first borners knew exactly who was behind this attack.
Ervel, Dan Jordan, and two other men were the main suspects.
And they flee the country once again. The police suspected they had gone to San Diego because one first-borners said that after Joel
died some of his followers maintained homes in San Diego and Los Angeles which they visited on
the weekends. After the successful attack, Ervel, he makes some new goals for himself.
Right? He's riding a good high right now. Big goals. Guy was batshit crazy, but also no shortage of ambition.
He decided that his crew needed to take over the Mexican government.
All of it. Seriously, this is a real plan of his. Guys, guys, guys!
We already destroyed my brother's church. How easy was that? And he's a prophet.
How much harder can it be to take over all of Mexico? Come on, let's do this.
God wants it done.
Let's go.
Let's go.
Chip-chop.
Then once they bent all of Mexico, you know, to their fucking knees, they would take over
the United States, then use all of our powerful weapons to take over the entire world.
His mom was right.
He should have been put in a mental institution forever.
Once he ruled the world, he was going to force everyone to belong to the Church of the Lamb of God or be blood-atoned, glory be to Gilead.
Under his eye, blessed be the fruit. He was going to do this even though his congregation
consisted mainly of his wives and kids. While he waited to take over Mexico, while he avoided
Mexican police, Ervel focused on making his cult members' lives hell. Ervel controlled all
romantic relations within the cult.
He got first pick of any women, and he decided who his daughters would marry, and who everyone
else would marry.
Ervel tightened his control by limiting the cult's contact with others outside the church.
He broke them down from pure exhaustion, right?
This is typical cult stuff.
By delivering hours long sermons instilled fear by telling them that they were being
hunted by religious and government assassins.
They could only survive if they stuck together.
He removed his children from school after fifth or sixth grade because he didn't want
them to start questioning their lifestyle.
Cult, cult, cult, the Mormon Manson has gone full crazy.
Eventually the group moved to Utah.
Mexico had too much heat right now.
Utah, Irvil visited other polygamist leaders and started demanding a 10% ties from each of them
insisting he was their true prophet and you know most of them didn't take him
seriously. This is a new move right a cult leader approaching other cult
leaders and be like hey give me some of your cult money. You know who I am? I
burned my own brother's cult to the fucking ground.
Right?
Not fucking playing.
The firstborn community, after I killed him, the firstborn community in Los
Molinos was still living in fear after the second massive attack, I bet.
And now they have armed themselves and organized patrols.
Verlonde is hiding out in San Diego, as reported by some of Ervel's spies.
Some of Ervel's, a few remaining followers,
not sure the exact number. They now start having some doubts about him. One of them
was Noemi Zarata, wife of one of his associates. She complained about all the violence, too
much violence. And she threatened to give Ervel's location to the police. And that was
a very dumb thing to do. You don't threaten a power hungry, homicicidal paranoid maniac with a God complex like that. You just go straight to the police
and then you never come home. Right? You fucking hide. With the blessing of
Noamie's husband, Ervill now arranges for his tenth wife, Vonda White, to
assassinate Noamie, to murder her. Vonda and Noamie were friends so it's easy for
Vonda to convince her to go for a car ride one evening in January of 1975.
The women drove to a canyon in the foothills of the San Pedro Mountains where Vonda talked to Noemi into getting out of the car, going for a little walk, then she shot her friend five times.
She had to! God's will be done!
Then she went back home, picked up another one of Ervel's wives named Yolanda Riosso, and she went back and helped Vonda dig a grave to bury the body.
Noemi's body has never been found. In April of 1975, several polygamist leaders in and around
Salt Lake City received threatening notes from the more and more murderous Church of the Lamb of God.
He's fucking, he's just writing letters now. Hey, give me your money. Hey, cult guy, I want some of
your cult money. One note said, repent ye thereforeth, or suffer destruction at the hand of God.
There shall be left neither root nor branch. Repent immediately! I've never
heard of one cult going after so many other cults. One of the polygamists
Ervel attempted to extort was 48 year old Bob Simons, who lived on a ranch near
Gransville, Utah with two wives. Simons also believed he was a prophet, of course.
All these dipshit perverts are prophets.
And he refuses to join Ervel's church or to give him ties.
Ervel had visited him several times,
posing as a mere disciple of the church
of the Lamb of God, not as a prophet.
The two men got into some heated arguments
over theological differences.
At one point, they actually got into a resting match
that was witnessed by their multiple wives. What is big deal? Your asshole over which crazy fuck? God's most favorite prophet. When Ervel got whooped, he popped up and turned his fist to his
wives. And Simons told Ervel to get the heck off his property now. Ervel returned to his followers
and told them that God now wanted blood atonement for Bob
Simons.
Here we go.
They've already been murdered.
Now they're actually saying the word blood atonement.
Ervel's followers now purchase pickaxes, shovels, chemicals that speed up decomposition and
they go dig a hole out in the desert.
Luckily Simons caught wind that Ervel and his men were coming for him.
He'd been tipped off by one of Ervel's followers, a man named Lloyd Sullivan, who called him a few days earlier, told him that he now believes
Simons was the true prophet. I mean, he won the Rasslin' match for heck's sake, and he
knew some tribal chiefs who were searching for a white prophet who would lead them to
salvation. Simons wanted to meet these chiefs and he gave Ervel's traitorous follower some gas money to pick him up and drive him.
On April 23rd, 1975, Lloyd Sullivan drives Bob Simmons out into the desert.
I don't know if it's Simmons or Simons, I can't make up my mind.
And once out of the car, two young men approach him from behind and shoot him in the back of the head.
Ah, he was not lucky! He'd been double crossed!
Lloyd was still loyal to the one true polygamist horny prophet, Ervil the Baron. Bob's body, Bob Simmons'
body, Bob Simon's body, neither one of those bodies have ever been found. Riding
high on this epic win, Ervil dares to return to Mexico in early 1976. Sure he's
wanted there, but also it's not gonna take over itself. Come on. He has to get
down there, kick off his plan
He's got start taking over the world
But then you know Mexico puts kink in those plants by arresting him in the state of Chihuahua March 6 1976
Accomplice Andres Zarata Arista was arrested with him Ervel was wanted for the 1974 shootings and Zarata
Was sought for Joel's murder once again Ervel was charged with being the intellectual author of the raid at Los Molinos. He spends eight months in jail this time before charges are
dismissed due to a lack of evidence. Or maybe he bribed officers. A police official later said he
was found guilty but only had to pay a $4,000 fine. That doesn't seem right. Mexico in the 1970s
sounds like it was a great place to get away with murder.
Having flashbacks of the Lady of Silence suck right now.
In the late spring of 1976, Ervel, while still in prison, began plotting against one of his generals,
another Vietnam veteran named Dean Vest. Dean lived in San Diego and had taught Ervel and his followers
how to use explosives and other weapons. He helped plan the Los Melinos raid.
So why does Ervel want this guy dead?
Well Dean's wife disliked Ervel's church because she was not crazy.
She was not brainwashed.
And after years of asking her husband to leave, she finally took the kids and moved to Washington
State by herself.
And Dean was devastated.
And he started spending his time, a lot of his time working on a barge.
That's right, a barge.
Instead of going to church.
He mentioned he wanted to sail up the coast and find his family. Okay, you know, there'll be a
different way to do that. You could have, you could have bought a car and driven up there instead of
building a barge by yourself. There's a lot of maniacs in this episode. Time to find my kids,
enough's enough! I gotta build myself a barge. Do they live on an island? No, no they live up in Washington
State. Why? Why'd you ask? Ervel got word of this, worried that if Dean left on his barge,
others would follow. Who are these people? In Ervel's eyes, Dean had violated civil law.
Now he must be blood atoned. Ervel once again asks 10th wife and number one assassin apparently,
Vonda White.
No relation to Vanda that I'm aware of.
To kill him.
She was currently living near San Diego with another wife and multiple children and Dean
sometimes visited them to have a home cooked meal.
Once again Vonda obeys her lord and master.
36 year old Dean Grover Vest is murdered in San Diego June 16th, 1976.
That same day, how fucked up is this? Dean had received
news that his wife and daughter were injured in a car accident and he booked a flight to Seattle to
see them immediately and he was on his way to the airport. He stopped at Vonda's home to pick up some
belongings he was keeping at the house. He told her about the car accident. Vonda now worried that
Dean was going to reconcile with his wife. It wouldn't return to the colony so she decides she
needs to kill him right then and there.
She chats with him while her kids eat lunch.
And once they're done, she sends the kids upstairs, then grabs a revolver from an upstairs
dresser.
As Dean is getting ready to leave, she asks him to take a look at her washing machine.
He did because he was a nice guy, but he can't find any issues with it because it's not broken.
Then he stops by the kitchen sink to wash up before he leaves to help his family to
see his daughter who's in the hospital.
That never happened because Vonda came up behind him and shot him in the abdomen, then
in the chest, then in the head.
He was shot in the liver, lung and behind the left ear.
Then Vonda called the police and told the dispatcher shots have been fired.
Police were suspicious of her, told her they needed her to stay in town, but she took her
kids and fled to Denver where some of the other wives and children were already living?
Fuck Vonda fuck Vonda fuck Ervel. Hopefully both die before this episode is over
Vonda White will be charged with the murder of Dean Grover Vest, but not for two years not until July of 1978
By 1977 Ervel's back out of jail and the Colts appliance repair business finally making some some good coin
Which allows them to establish additional stores in other states, including in Dallas.
Dan Jordan was in charge of the Denver faction of Ervel's cult and managed one of these stores
there. According to Celia LeBaron, Dan was a tyrant over the child laborers and would call
them stuff like lazy motherfucking sons of bitches and tell them to get off their lazy asses and get
the work done.
Yeah, totally. I mean, that sounds like what one of God's most faithful servants would call kids working in a sweatshop. Lazy motherfucking sons of bitches. In April of 1977, Ervill decided
another one of his followers needed to be, uh, can you guess? Yeah, blood atoned. Yeah, killed.
This time the victim was his own daughter, Rebecca. This dude was truly a
monster. Maybe worse than Dick Byrd from, you know, last episode. Come on. Are you
thinking about a stinky hairbrush right now? Father of the century, Ervil, had
given Rebecca to a man named Victor Chena when she was only 15 years old. She
hated the marriage because Victor was distant and she didn't get along with
his first wife. She was also forced to move to Texas and leave a child she already had behind.
Just sadness stacked on more sadness here.
Rebecca threatened to go to the police because she believed Ervel wouldn't hurt her.
Rebecca struggled not only with being a plural wife but with mental illness.
I wonder how much the life she had been subjected to live factored into her being mentally ill.
According to Ervel's stepdaughter, Faye, Rebecca had done stuff like running
around the neighborhood naked. Faye believed Rebecca was mentally ill. Colton
General worried that she was going to reveal their secrets. So one day in April
of 1977, Ervel told Rebecca, his teen daughter, that she could go get her son
in Denver. Now Ervel's stepson, Eddie Marson, and his brother-in-law, Dwayne
Chinah, these people are probably all related to one another in some way or another by now,
drove her to the Dallas airport.
Rebecca, who was three months pregnant with her second child, Ervel's grandbaby,
planned to take her son to Mexico and stay with her mother until she delivered the baby.
But Rebecca never saw her son again.
Dwayne Chinah and Eddie Marson took her to an isolated road outside of Dallas,
where they strangled her to death with a rope.
Rebecca fought them both as she pulled on the rope but she was not strong enough.
Her body was reportedly dumped in a state park in Oklahoma but she was she has still never been
found. Fucking Ervel LaBearman, the Mormon Manson was worse than Charles Manson. Ervel's wife Delphina
found out that her daughter was murdered on his orders. Lily, another one of Delphina's daughters
who was married to Mark Cheena, brother of Victor Cheena, warned Delphina that out that her daughter was murdered on his orders. Lillian, another one of Delphina's daughters, who was married to Mark Cheena, brother of
Victor Cheena, warned Delphina that if she didn't accept the righteousness of Rebecca's
death, she would also be marked for blood atonement.
Delphina now believed Mark and Lillian were going to kill her, so she and her youngest
daughter fled to Mexico and went into hiding.
What a shit show all this is and it just keeps going. In the late spring of
1977, Ervel recruited his 13th wife, Rena Chinah, to kill for him. He's 52 years old,
she's 19. Ervel married Rena when she was just 16 and he had been sexually
abusing her since she was 12 and he was 45 because he's a righteous prophet.
God's chosen man to take over the world.
She rebelled against the idea of marrying him because it was disgusting but was forced into it.
Rena later wrote that Ervel could not get an erection on their wedding night and then when
they did consummate their marriage she was disgusted. She wrote that she quote,
had to close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else or he was someone else. I would often turn
my head away or hold my breath so I wouldn't have to smell his breath. I would always reek
of something awful, usually coffee. He kissed like a fish, very stiff-lipped, in a way that
really disgusted me. Yeah, no, he's a monster. But you know, she was also brainwashed. She
was so young. She really did believe he was God's one true prophet. These kids are in
hell. Because she believed he was, despite being a fucking gross skeevy dude that he was also a prophet
Reno was an obedient follower in one interview. She explained how she learned about the man. She would one day kill
He was keeping the paranoia going we have to buy weapons and get ready to fulfill these prophecies
Ervel announced that God had told him that there was another couple of people that had to be eliminated and
That's when I first heard the name Rulan Allred.
I had never heard of the man before. Ervel explained that he was the leader of a rival polygamist group.
That this man was leading his people astray and God wanted him out of the way. The cult culling continues.
I do hate Ervel.
But at least some of the people he's having killed were also pieces of shit. Small silver lining to all of this. Then 72 year old Rulon
Allred was a naturopathic physician, chiropractor, and Mormon fundamentalist
who was also the leader of a polygamist group based in Utah. So cult leader. So
another walking turd. According to his son Jerry, he had 48 kids with seven wives.
Okay.
Allred was the leader of the Apostolistic United Brethren cult.
They fucking suck and they are still around.
They still have about 10,000 members.
A group riddled with pedophiles to this day.
The Apostolistic United Brethren is a fundamentalist polygamist group with a temple in Mexico,
an endowment house in Utah, and other locations in Wyoming, Arizona, and Montana, and it would
be awesome if they were all burned to the ground. Members call their group the work,
the priesthood, or just the group. Some outsiders call it the Allred group because of their former
president. What makes them unique compared to other FLDS cults is that they believe the LDS
church is still legitimate, but it's just gone astray. One religious scholar described the group as a more liberal branch of the fundamentalist
movement because they allow sex outside of procreation.
Oh wow, how tolerant, how progressive.
This group became widely known because the TLC shitty reality show Sister Wives, Rulon
had between 2,000 and 2,500 followers.
He was still around.
Rulon and Ervil were actually once friends.
In the 50s, Allred had come down to Mexico
to hide from authorities within Colonial Lebaron
to avoid being arrested for being a creepy perv
for having a bunch of young wives.
Fuck all these clowns.
But now Ervil wanted him dead
because he refused to give a tithe to the righteous church,
the Church of the Lamb of God, of course.
Ervil declared, he's like a fucking weird mafia guy, just, you know, asking for protection money from all these other cultures.
Ervel declared that Allred was guilty of character assassination, which was punishable by death under his civil law.
In reality, he was just jealous of Allred's much bigger following.
Ervel called a meeting of his inner circle, told him he had a divine revelation, of course.
God told him, you know, that Rulon needed to die. He needed two women and asked the
group who they thought they should send. He selected his child bride, Rena, and his stepdaughter,
17-year-old Ramona Marston. Ramona, one of Dan Jordan's, plural, child wives. Rena later
said she was motivated to do what had to be done because she didn't want to be punished.
She believed she would burn in hell if she didn't follow God's call for her to kill Rulon.
On May 10th, 1977, Rena Chinah and Ramona Marston entered Rulon Allred's
medical office in Murray, Utah. Walked up to the cult leader, shot that
pedo to death, which is, you know, good. In the book she later wrote called The
Blood Covenant, Rena wrote that Ervil told him to ensure Allred was dead.
Rena wrote that she and Ramona met some of Ervil's men
a few blocks from Allred's offices.
They gave the women a gun.
Ramona gave them her baby to watch
while they committed the murder.
The women disguised themselves as wigs, sunglasses,
bulky clothing, carried their guns in their jacket pockets.
They parked behind Allred's office
and walked into the waiting room.
Rena wrote,
There were three other people in the waiting room,
a man sitting by himself and a couple who looked
like they were married. Ramona went over and sat down next to the lone woman while I walked over
to the glass cubicle where the office was and peered inside. As I looked through the door,
Dr. Allred was coming out of one of the examining rooms. He was no more than three to five feet
away from me. I knew the moment had come to do what I was sent there to do, reach into the pocket
of the blue parka I was wearing. I pulled out the gun and fired
at him. There were seven shots of my clip and I emptied it. I heard him gasp,
Oh my god! Once as he fell to the floor bleeding. Allred's wife Melba, one of his
wives, ran into the room after she heard the shots and shouted, What are you doing?
What do you think you're doing? She grabbed Farina but she missed and she
and Romona got up and walked to and then
out of the door, but then they weren't sure he was dead, so they ran back inside and Reena shot him
in the face. Rulan, all red, was shot a total of seven times. He was super dead. And, you know,
again, good. Uh, he would never be able to take another child bride that creepy fuck.
Girls now met Ervel's men a few blocks from the office, where they handed over their disguises,
retrieved Ramona's baby, and fled.
The police found casings and bullets at the crime scene, but there were no prints on the
shelves.
Initially, the theory was that the two feminists killed Rulon Allred because they disagreed
with his polygamist beliefs.
His family, though, they thought Ervel was involved because he had threatened Allred
in the past.
Allred was the recipient of one of his crazy
pay me tithes or else letters in April of 1977.
And shortly before the murder, some of Ervel's followers had stopped by and extorted and threateneded him.
Threatened, threateneded it, threateneded it, dim him.
No, they threatened him. Of course they did.
The doubt Ervel focuses on his next intended victim,
a man he has wanted to kill for years. Another one of his brothers.
There was a bigger purpose to Ervel's plot to kill Rulon Allred.
It was to lead him to killing Verlain.
Verlain was close friends with Rulon.
Ervel knew he would attend the funeral and he planned to have one of his followers there
to kill Verlain.
This guy is like half cult leader and half mob boss.
Just constantly calling out hits and and again, asking for protection money.
Sure enough, Erlon did come out of hiding
to attend Rulon Allred's funeral.
And three of Ervel's followers went to the funeral
armed with automatic rifles,
but there was a bunch of police there.
And they left without even firing a shot.
And then those same followers were worried
that they were gonna be killed
for not completing their God given task.
Meanwhile, Rena and Ramona are now hiding out in Mexico to avoid the police. And the
police were looking for them. The police got their break in the all-red murder
when two men looking through a dumpster found a grocery bag inside of which was
a gun case for a 38 Smith & Wesson. The serial number traced to a gun dealer in
Denver. A week earlier a woman named Nantie Chinah or Chinah purchased the
gun. Nantie was married to Victor who had a younger sister named Rena, who was married to Ervel
LeBaron.
This was the evidence the police needed to link Ervel to the murder.
And now the FBI put Ervel on their 10 most wanted lists.
And while searching for Ervel, the police uncovered more unsolved cases, like the disappearance
of Rebecca LeBaron, Ervel's teen pregnant daughter that he had strangled.
Back to the Allred murder investigation, there were multiple motels near Roulan's office.
Investigators checked registrations from the day of the murder and found a license for
a vehicle registered to Rena's father, Bud.
The registration was sent to an expert for handwriting analysis and the expert determined
it was Rena's handwriting.
However, they couldn't find her to bring her in for questioning.
Then Ervel's first wife, Delphina, and her 15-year-old son, Isaac, come forward to talk
about the disappearance of Rebecca LeBaron. Delphina was Rebecca's mom, and she'd been
hiding out in Mexico, afraid Ervel would come for her. What a soap opera! How has Hollywood
not made this into a huge movie? How has HBO or Netflix not created a serial drama about
all this? Delphina and Isaac had a bad feeling that she had been murdered.
They worried Ervel would kill them too because he had threatened Isaac with death in the
past.
And Isaac, to be clear, is his son.
But you know, that doesn't matter with him.
Isaac claimed he knew who killed Rulon Alred, Rena Chinah, and Ramona Marston.
He also named two men involved in the murderous Los Molinos raid, Eddie Marston and Mark Chena,
Rita's brother.
Mark joined the cult when he was a boy and he was a loyal follower of Ervel.
Isaac had been to the meetings between Mark and Ervel where they discussed killing people.
Now the walls look like they're finally starting to close in on the Mormon Manson.
And this time if he's caught in America and now Mexico, you know, he can't just bribe
his way out of a murder conviction.
Four members of Ervel's cult were arrested late September 1977 and a fifth surrendered
October 3rd of that year.
Ramona and Eddie Marston and Mark and Victor Chinna all picked up during police raids.
Six more people were still wanted, including Rena and Ervel LeBaron himself.
September 15th that year, 11 members of the cult are indicted in the All-Red murder case. Then in 1978, both Rena and Ervel are arrested during a police raid in Catemaco, Mexico.
Hey, I'm Nimrod! Or maybe not. Oh, shit. Mexican police thought they arrested Ervel.
They did not. Well, actually, they did, but then they let him go on accident.
Fuck's sake, it's a big mess. Mexican federal police did not believe that Ervel was Ervel.
This is such a weird blunder.
They caught him and he didn't deny who he was,
but then they're like,
nah, I don't think that's who you are.
They thought Dan Jordan was Ervel
and out of loyalty to his prophet,
Dan was like, yeah, no, you're right, I am.
I was trying to hide it, but I am.
And then the police let Ervel go and they arrest Dan.
And Ervel takes off. And Rena was pissed. She talked to the Mexican police afterwards. She laughed
at a sergeant saying, you had him right in your grasp and you didn't even know it. Now the police,
you know, are looking for Ervel all over again. Then Ramona and Mark Chena jump bail. Mark is
rearrested in July of 1978, but Ramona, still on the run.
Crazy Saga continues.
March 6, 1979, 20-year-old Rena, her brothers Mark and Victor Chena,
and Ervil's stepson, Eddie Marston, go to trial for second-degree murder
for the death of Rulon Allred.
They were also being tried for attempted murder and conspiracy
for the plot to kill Verlon LeBaron.
Victor was only charged with attempted murder and conspiracy.
Ervil was still at large this time. He'd been spotted in the US but was
believed to be hiding in Mexico. Of course he's not in Mexico. Mexico has been working
out real well for him. The police down there have been so ungodly terrible at
their jobs. It is no wonder that he thought he could take that country over.
Rina testified under oath that she was not involved in the murders. Witnesses
were not able to identify her because she concealed her features during the shooting.
A witness named Donald Sullivan, however, pleaded guilty to conspiracy and agreed to
testify in exchange for immunity from further prosecution.
He said he was part of a team of five who traveled to Utah to kill Rulon Allred and
that the shooters were Rina Chinah and Ramona Marston. On March 20th, 1979,
all four defendants are found not guilty of all charges. Jerry let them off.
Probably got distracted by all the insanity of this cult. Eleven years later
in 1990, Rena will publish her book, The Blood Covenant, and in it she will
confess to committing this murder. Rena was then later found liable for Allred's death in a civil suit in order to pay $52
million to his family.
You know, they probably each only got like $100 bucks.
There's a lot of people in this family.
Rena again confessed to the murder in her deposition and in TV interviews.
Federal judge ruled that the statute of limitations for wrongful death had expired in 1979, but
Rena's deliberate concealment of her role and her perjury at trial
made it impossible for Allred's family to know before
1979 that she was the killer.
They did not know she killed him until she admitted to the shooting in her book.
Allred's family attorney said that they didn't expect to make a lot of money,
they just wanted justice for Rulon and a judgment
that would take away any profits from her book.
Not sure how many books were sold, but Rena didn't make any money off of it.
She is said to now be working to help children who have suffered from involvement in polygamy.
So you know another little bright spot this dark story. But now back to the darkness.
After the acquittals cult assassin Dan Jordan is released from jail and in Sonata Mexico.
So that's good. He's a guy who should definitely be free. He's a good guy.
And then Ervel Mormon motherfucking Manson LeBaron.
Arrested by the Mexican police again, June 1st, 1979, and they keep him this time. So that is good.
He had been hiding out in the mountains south of Mexico City.
Ramona Marsden had still not been arrested.
She would never go to trial for the murder of Rulon Allred despite being charged with murder and conspiracy like the other defendants.
Also not sure where else to put this, but before we get to Erbil's trial, former follower
Lloyd Sullivan claimed he killed polygamist leader Robert Simons in Gransville, Utah on
Erbil's orders along with Mark Chinaw and Eddie Marston.
Simons?
Simons?
I'll just pick one.
I'll try and pick one.
Simons. Killed in April of 1975. Sullivan died before he ever went to trial, but did testify at a hearing
that Ervel preached that anyone who crossed him should receive, quote, hot lead, cold steel,
and a one-way ticket to hell. That probably is actually how Ervel talked.
This cult has to hold the all-time record for killing the most
leaders and just members of other cults. The Church of the Lamb of God was in some ways the
Dexter Morgan of cults. Ervil's murder and conspiracy trial starts May 12th, 1980.
And skipping some boring procedural details, May 28th, 1980, Ervil LeBaron is found guilty
of first-degree murder for ordering his followers
to kill Rulon Allred and orchestrating the plot to assassinate his brother, Rulon.
Hail Nimrod for real now.
A judge will sentence him to life in prison for first degree murder and a consecutive
term of five years to life for conspiracy.
While in prison, Ervil will write a 400 page manifesto.
Not surprised at all. He's had a lot of practice writing pamphlets.
Now he's ready for a big book.
And this one is titled The Book of the New Covenants.
And it will deal a lot with more blood atonement.
So it's on brand.
In it, he named his oldest son, Arturo LeBaron, as his immediate successor.
Arturo was the son of Ervel and his first wife, Delphina.
Manifesto also included the hit list over 50 people long. Dude while in prison
was writing out a murder list. How the fuck did that get out? No one thought to
look it over? The list included prosecutor David Yaakam, US President Jimmy Carter,
various church defectors including his former assistant, assassin Dan Jordan.
Oh boy. Shortly after finishing this great
American novel, August 16th, 1981, the great Ervel LeBaron, the Mormon man and God's greatest
prophet, found dead in his cell at Utah State Prison. He was 56. Prison officials confirmed
he died of suicide. He left a note that said, I've gone to meet my maker. Guessing he meant Satan.
I'm gonna assume by maker he meant Satan. Satan had to have made him. Sheriff's Decudas found three notes indicating
Ervel made a death pact with some new woman he met. Detective Earl Julian told
the press there was a gal that he was writing to and he said they would be
together in a couple of days. Dude died like he lived. Constantly trying to get
his fuck on. Even in the afterlife. His cause of death was either a self-inflicted strike to the throat that caused suffocation or an overdose.
Overdose. Yeah. LA Times later reported that he died of a heart attack and the BBC reported he had a seizure.
So reports are all over the place.
Detective Earl Julian said he suspected Ervel overdosed or suffocated after
punched himself in the throat. All of the muscles in his throat were hemorrhaged.
Who the fuck punches themselves in the throat to kill themselves?
Never heard of that one before. I'm gonna hope that this
is a cover-up and that one of the guards or other prisoners murdered him.
Guards saw Ervold doing push-ups and exercising vigorously in his cell around 1 30 a.m.
He was unconscious on the floor at 3 30 a.m.
But this wasn't cause for concern because he often slept on the floor guards not enter his cell until 5 30 a.m
Ervel had been depressed in recent weeks and had refused to see one of his wives during a recent visit because he didn't feel well
It had been tough being God's one true prophet destined to take over the entire world, but also
being prison for life. Maximum Security Unit Supervisor, Captain Harold Welling, said Ervel was having trouble
directing his church and his business interests from prison.
I'm sure he was annoyed, you know, he flipped on the news as the president.
Why hasn't Jimmy Carter been blood atoned yet?
What the fuck?
Why is anyone taking me seriously?
Get that peanut farmer out of here.
I guess he experienced some hefty mood swings, mood changes. After Ervil was convicted, his brother
Alma Jr. publicly predicted he would end his life in prison, saying, I think when he finally
realizes that these revelations were from Satan, he will be willing to repent. I think he is the
kind of man who will be willing to offer his own blood for his crimes in hopes of gaining forgiveness that way. Ah, he finally blood-atoned himself. Also, I love that his other LeBaron dipshit, after everything
that has happened, is still on the blood-atonement train. In a very odd twist of fate, feuding
brothers and cult leaders, Ervel and Verlán, they both died the exact same day. 51-year-old
Verlán also died August 16th, 1981 in a car accident in Mexico City.
Okay, that's it.
Ervel was for sure some kind of demonic warlock.
He killed himself in some kind of ritual that allowed his zombie demon soul, at least a 5.3 in power, to fly down to Mexico City,
take his brother out for one last blood atonement, game set, match!
Impressive. out for one last blood atonement game set match impressive. Sadly 20 year old
Isaac LeBaron who testified against his prophet father to put him in prison died
a suicide two years later June 21st 1983. He was staying with his relatives who
had also been followers of Ervel in Houston Texas. In the fall of 83 Ervel's
widow one of his many many widows Lorna Chinah planned to leave the cult but she
was strangled and buried in an unknown location in Mexico. Her body also never been found. This cult real good at killing other
cult leaders and good at hiding bodies. New Church of the Lamb of God's psycho Arturo ordered his
half-brother Andrew to kill his mother Lorna because she wanted to leave the cult. The evil continues, just you know,
constant family killing family. Arturo's leadership was fortunately short-lived. December 28th, 1983,
33-year-old Arturo LeBaron, Ervil's oldest son, is killed by his rival Leo Ivaniac in Mexico.
Ivaniac had been the leader of the Monterrey, California branch of the Church of the Lamb of God
and Ivaniac claimed that he was given authority to lead the Church, by God, of course.
Oh boy, after arguing for months, he and Arturo agreed to have a meeting to resolve their
differences, and Arturo was killed at this meeting, most likely by two cult followers.
After Arturo died, leadership now fell to 20-year-old William Heber LeBaron, who plotted
now to kill Ivaniac.
Ah, such a soap opera! Heber LeBaron followed closely plotted now to kill Ivaniuk. Ah, such a soap opera!
Heber LeBaron followed closely in his father's evil footsteps.
Two sisters who were widows of Ervel both went missing after Heber accused them of knowing
about Arturo's murder beforehand.
Heber also had multiple wives, of course, and, for extra points, some of whom were his half-sisters.
Some of the others were his step-sisters. So
much creepy fucked up shit in one family tree. I would seriously change my last
name if I was one of the little barons. Heber reportedly pimped out his wives to
Mexican politicians, some of them his literal sister wives, to help cover up
the cult's criminal enterprises. Don't doubt that for a second. Early 1984, Heber
shot a man named
Gamaliel Rios to the face, buried him in the desert.
Body's never been found. Blood atonement or a random murder just for funsies.
Heber will end up getting convicted in Arizona of operating a large auto theft
ring, also be charged with attempted murder of a guard during a bank robbery
in Texas. Oh my god, while he was leading this
cult it sounds more and more like just like a gang now. In May of 1984, Ervel's 12th widow,
Yolanda Rios, well now she's strangled and buried outside Dallas. Very likely some more blood
atonement. Ervel's dead but the insanity and violence continues. In 1987, Heber took some
of Ervel's widows and teenage children with him to the US to establish that auto theft ring I mentioned that he'll get arrested for.
Younger children stayed in Mexico with Aaron LeBaron, that's kind of fun to say, the son of Lorna, Chena, and Ervel.
On May 21, 1987, more blood atonement! There must be more! Leo Yvonnek's dentures were found. Authorities believe that Leo was killed near Santa Cruz,
California. His dentures were found in a puddle of blood. His body, though, never found.
In August 1987, Aaron LeBaron took the younger children to Daniel Jordan's home to ask for
shelter and sanctuary. Two months later, cult assassin Dan Jordan took his wife's children
and the LeBaron kids on a camping trip near Manti, Utah. Manti, Utah. And two months later on October 16th, 1997, Dan Jordan was shot
in the head while hunting in the Manti LaSalle, it is Manti, not Manti, National Forest in Utah.
More unsolved blood atonement. A week later, Aaron LeBaron is arrested because he pulled a gun on
Jordan's wives and children and told them he received a revelation from God giving him authority over the family.
Now it seems Aaron will be running the Church of the Lamb of God. He's mentally fit. He's the
perfect candidate. Now for maybe the craziest shit yet in this Bacher story. In an effort to check
more names off their father's final blood atonement hit list, some of Ervil's children come together
to commit a series of four simultaneous murders that will become known as the four simultaneous murders. No, they'll come to be
known as the four o'clock murders. On June 27, 1988, Ervel's followers killed his stepson, 32-year-old
Eddie Marston, two of Ervel's brothers-in-law, 35-year-old Mark and 31-year-old Dwayne Chena,
and they killed Dwayne's eight-year-old
daughter Jennifer. God's will be done. Current leader Aaron LeBaron was the man behind it all.
He ordered his brother Heber LeBaron to shoot Mark in Houston. He ordered Richard and Patricia
LeBaron to shoot Dwayne, also in Houston. An accomplice named Douglas Lee Barlow was dispatched
to kill Eddie Marston in Irving, Texas. According to the Houston Chronicle, testimony suggested that the plot to kill the Chinas
and Marston was formed not long after Aaron LeBaron became the cult's patriarch.
Witnesses said Aaron LeBaron masterminded the scheme and remained in close contact with
the killers by telephone from Mexico, while Heber LeBaron, another member of the vast
LeBaron family, came to Texas to oversee the shootings.
Three squads of people spent more than a week following the intended victims to determine
their daily schedules and find a good place to kill them. Cynthia Labyrinth would later testify
that she watched Mark with binoculars for days before he was killed. Many years later in court,
Jacqueline Tarsol Labyrinth, another one of Ervel's many, many, many kids, admitted that in May of 1988,
on the orders of Heber, she gave Cynthia LeBaron 500 bucks and instructed her to travel to
Houston to prepare for the murders of these sons of perdition.
We've talked about sons of perdition before.
In LDS theology, a son of perdition is a person who will not take part in the glory of God
in the afterlife because they have chosen to follow a Satan.
Douglas Barlow and Richard LeBaron stole trucks to prepare for the murders.
Sisters Natasha and Nicole, Cynthia and Tarza drove the vehicles into Mexico to sell them.
The profits will be used to finance the murders.
Cynthia met Heber and Patricia in Houston and they located the Chinas.
Heber, Cynthia and Patricia then traveled to Dallas and met Douglas, Natasha and Richard
LeBaron. Oh and Richard LeBaron.
Well, Dick LeBaron.
Natasha gave him $2,500 from the truck sales.
Once in Dallas, they found Edward Marston.
They also sold trucks and license plates from the Dallas area.
Just straight up gangsters now.
Murders were known as the four o'clock murders because they were all committed simultaneously
by the conspirators around four o'clock, June 27th, 1988.
The adults were killed because Ervel had decreed they must die.
Believe that Duane's eight-year-old daughter Jennifer was shot only because she was a witness
to her father's execution.
In his prison manifesto, New Covenants, Ervel had dedicated 15 paragraphs to Mark Chinah,
Duane Chinah, and Ed Marston.
Mark Chinah and his wife Lillian were once some of Ervel's most fanatical followers,
but after he was in prison, they started to drift away from the cult.
And they eventually joined a more traditional Christian church, much less focused on revenge
killings and girl-fucking.
And after Dan Jordan was murdered, Mark revealed that he and Jordan were among a group of followers
who had refused to follow Ervel's order to bust him out of prison.
Mark believed he would be targeted for blood atonement, but refused to go into hiding.
Instead, he decided to turn his home into a secure fortress.
But he wasn't killed at home.
June 27, 1988, Mark was killed at his office at Reliance Appliances in Houston.
Dwayne Chinaw and his daughter Jennifer were killed when he drove to a home to buy a used
washer.
Excuse me.
So many appliances in this story.
That sale was a setup.
Jennifer, again, was not on Ervel's hit list,
but she was in the truck and witnessed her father's murder.
The killer approached her and shot her in the mouth
and forehead.
Damn!
Eddie Morrison also murdered when he believed he was going
to pick up a used appliance.
All the killings occurred within five minutes of each other.
Once the murders were committed in Houston,
Cynthia LeBaron called the members in Irving and told them to quote, go for it.
Afterwards, some of the cult members fled to Arizona.
The case went unsolved for months, although authorities suspected members of the Church of the Lamb of God to be behind the murders.
On February 24th, 1989, the US Attorney's Office announced it was detaining Erin LeBaron and three women for transporting six undocumented people now.
The three people detained were Linda Rae Johnson, Patricia LeBaron, and Andrea LeBaron.
This is a big win for law enforcement because they've been looking for Erin since those Texas
murders were committed. At this time, multiple LeBaron children are already in jail. Heber
LeBaron, Richard, Tarsa, Cynthia, and Douglas Barlow, now all jailed in Phoenix for vehicle theft.
Phoenix authorities said that the family stole up to 200 cars,
selling them in Mexico for about 10 grand.
And yeah, and again, I keep saying this is not a cult anymore as much as it is just organized crime.
The story is fascinating. I don't recall a similar transition like this. Natasha Thelma LeBaron was
jailed in Georgia for using a fake ID.
Heber and Aaron, both suspects in the Texas murders, also in the disappearance and likely
murder of former cult member Leo Ivaniuk, who disappeared in May, 1987.
The guy whose dentures showed up in a puddle of blood.
September 30th, 1989, six other of Ervel's children fled foster homes in Salt Lake City
and were believed to be heading to a family hideout in Mexico.
Assistant U.S. Attorney Dave Schwindman, head of the LeBaron Crime Family Task Force.
Not making that up. They're labeled by authorities now as a crime family.
And Dave said, it's sad. You think maybe you have a chance to stop the violence and give these kids a chance for normal life.
Then it blows up on you.
The kids were 18 year old Norma,a, 17-year-old Nikki,
15-year-old Jessica, 14-year-old Jared, 13-year-old Daniel, and 12-year-old Joshua.
Authorities believe 29-year-old Andrea, or Andrew LeBaron, the oldest surviving son and patriarch,
organized the escapes. It just doesn't fucking end. The six kids were placed in foster homes
because they were subpoenaed, along with other members by the US Attorney's Office in Salt Lake City
for a grand jury investigation into the murder of Dan Jordan in October of 1987.
They refused to cooperate out of fear of retribution by other family members.
What a life!
Rina Chinah and her mother were hired at this time. They wanted to adopt the six children.
Uh, it's a bummer.
So, I don't know. August 24th, 1992. Is it a bummer? I don't even know it's a bummer anymore.
With all these crazy people. August 24th, 1992, the US Attorney's Office in Houston
announced federal indictments against six cult members, Heber, Cynthia, Richard, and
Tarsal LeBaron, and Douglas Lee Barlow. In May, an informant in Mexico contacted
investigators about the 1988 Texas murders. The informant was Cynthia LeBaron. She was paroled from her auto theft conviction
in 1992. She contacted the authorities and told them everything she knew. Once granted
immunity, she told the authorities how Heber, Patricia, Richard, and Tarse LeBaron and Douglas
Barlow were involved. In September, Assistant U.S. Attorney in Houston, Terry Clark announced
Ervel's manifesto would
be introduced as evidence against the defendants.
Twenty copies were published and in possession of followers.
The manifesto named people like Dan Jordan, Eddie Marston, and the Chinas as a son of
perdition.
Investigators had a copy of the book, but they didn't think much of it until Daniel
Jordan was actually murdered.
Prosecutor David Yawcombe said, per Deseret News,
when all those killings went down in Houston,
we were pretty nervous.
My investigator and another police officer were named too.
But I don't want their names published.
When you tell them that they are in the book,
it makes them nervous.
Yeah, I bet.
I would still be nervous right now
if my name was in that death book.
These fuckers are crazy and there's still a lot of them
out there.
The trial for the 4 o'clock murder started January 11th, 1993 before trial.
Richard LeBaron pled guilty to the murders of Duane Chinah and his daughter Jenny.
He agreed to testify against the other defendants in exchange for a plea deal.
Heber, Patricia, and Douglas Lee convicted of the murders and all sentenced to life in
prison in May of 1993.
Richard sentenced only five years
thanks to his plea deal, which sucks, but I get why they had to make that deal, right? They needed
his testimony. Their accomplice, Tarso LeBaron, still on the run and will remain so for many years.
June 12, 1997, leader Aaron LeBaron sentenced to 45 years in prison for ordering the murders.
Convicted on February 28, testimony proved he was the mastermind and that he remained in contact with the killers via
phone. Aaron made a statement at a sentencing promising to dedicate his life
to preventing crime saying, my goal and purpose in life is the hope of doing in
my life more good than Herbal LeBaron did bad. I mean, I hope he meant that. Maybe
he finally snapped out of it. The judge said that a lifetime of brainwashing and being a child cult member were mitigating
circumstances.
But the seriousness of the crime still warranted the maximum sentence.
After Aaron was sentenced, the LeBaron family finally faded from the spotlight, but the
group didn't come to an end.
Well, the Church of the Lamb of God seems to have ended, but not its legacy.
Not quite.
Colonial LeBaron, like I mentioned earlier, still not its legacy. Not quite. Colonial Aberin, like I mentioned earlier,
still an active community. Its residents have made headlines several times in the new millennium.
The LDS church has over a million members in Mexico, which is the largest population
of Mormons outside the U.S. Church does not recognize Colonial Aberin, but many in the
community do consider themselves to be Mormon. In 2009, the Seattle Times reported that residents
have mostly abandoned polygamy and instead raised large families and earn
income through agriculture and construction. Supposedly they're not
dealing out any more blood atonement or running stolen car rings or anything but
not like they would admit that if they were. The LeBaron family's wealth has
made them targets for ironically organized crime groups. The news outlet The Daily Beast reported that in 2019,
reported in 2019, over the past decade, leading members of the LeBaron community have distinguished
themselves as outspoken opponents to the growth of cartel-related kidnappings, extortion,
and killings in Mexico. Huh. Are the most recent generation Actually crime fighters good guys. Is it okay? Maybe to carry the LeBaron family name again
May of 2009 16 year old Eric LeBaron descendant of Ervel
Kidnapped from colonial LeBaron by cartel members who demanded a million dollar ransom
His family refused to pay it and pressure the government to take action and the cartel in this instance actually does release Eric unharmed
government to take action and the cartel in this instance actually does release Eric unharmed.
After the LeBaron successfully stand up to the cartel residents from nearby smaller towns begin asking current family patriarch Benjamin LeBaron for help. You know help them stand up to him
and he tried to form a group to help local governments put pressure on the authorities.
You know to let's get let's figure out this cartel situation but the LeBaron's refusal to pay had
angered a Juarez cartel leader Jose Jose Rodolfo Escajeda,
who lived just eight miles from Colonial LeBaron.
And in the early morning hours of July 7, 2009, cartel members traveled to Colonial
LeBaron to kidnap Benjamin LeBaron.
Four SUVs arrived at the compound and the assailants pried open Benjamin's front door.
The gunmen were dressed as police when they stormed the compound.
Benjamin's brother-in-law, Luis Widmar, came to help him and now both men were kidnapped
and executed.
Their bodies were found near Colonial Lebaron with a message attached that said, this is
for the leaders of Lebaron who didn't believe and who still don't believe, right, that
the cartel won't fuck with you.
This linked the murders to the family's appeals for a greater police presence in the area. Cartel leader Escajeda was eventually arrested for the murders.
After these 2009 murders, the LeBaron family violated Mexican law by arming themselves for
protection. Alex LeBaron told Vice News that smuggling guns from the U.S. was the only way
to defend yourself. The families argued against laws in Mexico that make it difficult for citizens
to have guns for self-defense. The government eventually allowed the residents to establish armed citizen patrols.
Federal authorities later established a base and patrol inside their community.
Jacqueline Tarsel LeBaron, the last wanted suspect in the four o'clock murders,
appeared in federal court in Houston May 14, 2010, hours after she was finally captured in Honduras on May 13th.
She'd been on the run for 18 years and was one of the FBI's most wanted fugitives.
She was charged with conspiracy to commit murder, murder for hire, witness
tampering and obstruction of religious beliefs. She was accused of providing
travel money to the conspirators. June 16, 2011, Tarse Labearon pled guilty in a
plea bargain only to the conspiracy to obstruct
religious beliefs charge.
Her attorney told the court she was very remorseful about the deaths.
He noted that Tarsa had been repeatedly physically and sexually assaulted by her fucking brothers
growing up.
Women are always mistreated in the polygamist cult world, reduced to fuck toys for any of
the men, too often including male relatives.
Here the attorney added,
I think it's, or her attorney added,
I think it's important to remember
the horrific circumstances she grew up in
and was still living in the time she committed the crime.
September 8th, 2011, a US District Court judge
sentences Tarcila Barron to three years in federal prison.
Jaclyn also ordered to pay $134,000 in restitution to the victims.
With credit for time served and thanks to good behavior, she was released from federal
prison in Texas the next year, December 14th, 2012.
And she's now living free somewhere and hopefully all done without blood atonement bullshit.
And that will take us out of this wild time suck timeline
Good job soldier you made it back
Man what a wild-ass tale
Ervil the Baron I get now how the the how the Mormon fundamentalist cult leader,
Church of the Lamb of God, was nicknamed the Mormon Manson. He was responsible
for the deaths of 20 to 30 people, several of whom have never been found.
Ervel was born into insanity, raised in it. I'm thinking that Bane quote now,
can't quite remember it. Something about like Batman being familiar with the
darkness, but I was born in it, raised in it. He was a son of an excommunicated Mormon who founded a polygamist
colony in Mexico, considered a safe haven for fundamentalists, who wanted to live with their
many wives and children. Ervel and his siblings grew up believing that they had special prophetic
abilities, that they were the one mighty and strong who would lead the true Mormon church to
glory. Following in his disgusting father's footsteps,
Ervel married 13 women, had over 50 kids, at least 50.
Excuse me, 1951, family patriarch, Almodair LeBaron,
passed leadership of the colony down to his son Joel
right before he died, who then quickly founded
the Church of the Firstborn, also called the Church
of the Firstborn of the fullness of times.
Joel made Ervel his second command, but he was too
power-hungry to play second fiddle. He wanted to be the one in charge.
The two brothers disagreed on how to run their church, and soon Ervel began preaching that he
was the one mighty and strong, and that his brother Joel was a false prophet.
Ervel then broke away, founded his own church, the Church of the Lamb of God,
when Joel shamed and demoted him in front of the congregation. He now wanted revenge. He preached
that anyone who disobeyed the prophet of God, i.e. him, needed to be killed through the ritual of
blood atonement, where a sinner's blood is shed his penance so they can get into heaven after
committing especially egregious crimes like not giving your money to Ervel. Ervel had his brother
assassinated for defying him. Sorry, I just had a thought pop in my head. This whole time I'm like,
Ervel, Ervel, what name does that remind me of? And I'm reminded of two things
actually, for randomly. Urkel, from I think it was like Family Improvement,
whatever, that old show sitcom in the 80s, early 90s, and also Ernest from all
those Ernest movies. I kept thinking of Ernest P. Worrall being a fucking
psychopathic, murderous cult leader. Anyway, Ervel, not
Ernest, had his brother assassinated for defying him, the first in a long series
of murders that felt more like mob hits to me than cult killings. As far as we
know, Ervel never pulled the trigger himself, but he was behind every murder
associated with the cult while he was alive and many after his death. Ervel's
followers willing to kill for him because they believe in his message or
were too afraid to say they didn't.
Ervel was a murderous tyrant who ruled over his cult like a dictator rules over a country.
His followers were terrified of him.
They knew he was willing to kill anyone who stood in his way.
I mean, anyone.
He targeted anyone who disagreed with his teachings, anyone who he felt had more power
and influence than him, even his own wives, even his children weren't safe.
After being arrested a few times and spending years on the run, thank you Mexican police!
In 1980, Ervel was finally convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.
He died in 1981, but the killing did not end with his death.
The man's evil outlived him, like he was not just a cult leader, but a fucking monster.
Ervel's children set out on a mission to kill everyone whose name was listed in Ervel's
Manifesto, written before his death.
Several children conspired to commit a series of murders that became known as the Four O'clock
Murders, where some of Ervel's most loyal followers were killed after they strayed from
the church.
Several conspirators were convicted of murder and sentenced to life in prison.
Some of them took plea deals that were granted immunity and are now free.
Maybe you know one.
Maybe you live next to one.
Maybe you are one. In recent years next to one. Maybe you are one.
In recent years, the LeBaron children have come forward to speak about the abuse they suffered during childhood, how their father's teachings impacted their beliefs about life
and death, and how he was able to convince others to kill for him. His daughter Anna said in her
interview with the BBC, even from the grave, he was able to control people and their actions and that is just mind-blowing
that from the grave he was able to do that. Yeah that actually is mind-blowing. And just recently
the five episode docu-series Daughters of the Cult, a series that explores the life of Ervel
told to the eyes of former members and children of the baron, was released January 4th this year
on Hulu if you if you still need more of this crazy story.
And what a story it is.
The Mormon Manson. If this story would have been set in the Hollywood Hills and not in Utah and Mexico,
if it had involved a few celebrities, this story would be, I think, far more infamous than the story of Charles Manson.
Helter Skelter doesn't have shit on all this blood atonement.
Let's recap a few things we went over, learn something new now, in today's Top 5 Takeaways.
Number 1.
Ervel LeBaron was a Mormon fundamentalist who believed strongly in the practice of polygamy.
Ervel's father fled to Mexico after he was excommunicated by the church for plural marriage.
Ervel would go on to have 13 wives and 50 children, possibly more, if not probably more,
almost certainly.
His children rarely saw him and when they did it was because he was on the run from
the law.
Still, Ervel controlled their lives from afar by forcing them to work in one of his appliance
repair shops, telling them where they would move and when and arranging their marriages.
Number two, Ervel the Baron believed in the practice of blood atonement, which was taught in the early Mormon church, mostly by early leader Brigham Young. Blood atonement requires
a righteous person to kill a sinner so they may get into heaven. The LDS church had for decades
now denied the validity of blood atonement. Still, the old teachings live on and Ervel used this
practice to justify the many murders
he ordered during his time as leader of his church of the Lamb of God.
He preached that he was God's true prophet and that disobeying his orders, which he claimed
came directly from God, were so egregious that the sinner must be killed.
Afraid for their lives, Ervel's followers obeyed his every command no matter how evil
and lived in fear that they too would be blood-atoned.
Number Three While in prison, Ervel LeBaron wrote a manifesto titled The Book of the New Covenants,
which named his successor and contained a hit list of over 50 people he believed
needed to be blood atoned. Number four, the most well-known series of murders committed by the
cult were the four o'clock murders. The LeBaron children worked with accomplices to kill three
people on their father's hit list. At 4 p.m. on June 27th, 1988, the conspirators murdered Herbal LeBaron's stepson, Eddie Marston,
his brother-in-law, Mark, and another brother-in-law, Mark and Duane Cheena, both brothers-in-law,
and Duane's young daughter, Jennifer, who was a witness to the murders, was also killed.
Well, a witness to the murder of her father. Number five, new info. Nine Colonial LeBaron residents were massacred less than four years
ago. The LeBaron legacy of murderous bloodshed continues. But this time, they again were
on the receiving end. November 4th, excuse me, 2019, three women and six kids were killed
by cartel hitmen while traveling in a convoy of SUVs.
Six more children were wounded. The victims were 29-year-old Christina Marie Langford Johnson,
43-year-old Donna Langford, 11-year-old Trevor Langford, 2-year-old Rogan Langford,
30-year-old Ronita Miller, 12-year-old Howard Miller, 10-year-old Crystal Miller, and 8-year-old
twins Titus and Tiana Miller. Damn.
Uh, Ronita was the twins' mother.
The victims were members of the Extend LaBaron family, who had both US and Mexican nationality.
They were driving on a rural road in Sonora near the border of the state of Chihuahua.
Two of them were going to see family in Chihuahua, and one was going to pick her husband up from
the Phoenix airport when they were attacked.
Four victims were burned to death when one of the cars exploded. 13 year old-old Devin Langford hid with six other siblings in the bushes, covered
them with branches so he could go find help. And he did. He had to walk 14 miles by himself
to do so. Mackenzie Langford, age nine, was shot in the arm, also went to look for help,
but got lost along the way. She was fortunately found wandering around in the dark hours after
the other children were recovered. She'd make a full recovery in the hospital. A security secretary
suggested that the group may have been mistaken for a rival gang or cotton
crossfire between warring groups. The area where the killings occurred is
believed to be the territory of the Sinaloa cartel. Alex LeBaron, an elected
deputy within the Chihuahua State Legislature, said in an interview with
the Mexican radio station this was no crossfire.
He called the attack an ambush, saying, it could have been a mistake.
This is terrorism, plain and simple.
Suspects have been arrested, but it doesn't seem as if anyone has been convicted or even
gone to trial.
The Mexican judicial system is confusing and who knows what will happen with the LeBaron
family next.
Time Shuck, top five takeaways.
Ervil LeBaron, the Mormon Manson has been sucked.
Lot of stuff going on.
Colts, wow.
Thank you to the Bad Magic Productions team
for the help of making Time Suck,
such as Queen of Bad Magic, Lindsey Cummins,
running operations around here,
Logan Keith recording this episode,
designing merch for the store at badmagicproductions.com, and thanks to Olivia Lee,
again providing initial research this week. Thank you to the all-seeing eyes moderating
the culturally curious private Facebook page, the Mod Squad making sure Discord keeps running smooth,
and everyone over on the Time Suck subreddit and BadMagic subreddits.
And now let's head on over to a very entertaining, uh, Time Sucker updates.
Updates? Get your Time Sucker updates!
Today our first update is from a disgusting drug user, Brian Morse. This complete degenerate.
Wrote in with the subject line of my first mushroom trip. I ate, wait for it.
So blank grams at 16 years old because I'm a fucking idiot.
I love this story so much.
Hey there suck daddy, got a story for you.
I was listening to your episode on psychedelics and had to write this out even if nobody ever
reads it.
In 2006, I was waiting tables and prep cooking at a small cafe for a summer in Taylor Park,
Colorado.
I was not much of a drinker, but I did occasionally smoke weed. I was actually kind of a goody two shoes, if I'm being completely
honest. One of the older guys, mid-twenties, lived in a nearby town, so when I asked about
finding some weed, he reluctantly took me to town to meet his guy. When we got to his
friend's house, I was informed he just sold the last of his butt, but he did have a half
ounce of mushrooms that he'd let go for 60
bucks.
I immediately took him up on the deal and we headed home with a fat bag of shrooms in
my pocket.
I had never even seen mushrooms before.
Obviously I'd heard about them so my initial plan was to offer them to people I worked
with on a day off and go have some fun in the woods.
But as it turned out, not a single person wanted any part of it when we got back to
home base. Cock sure and stubborn as I was, I decided to just wander by myself into the woods and test these things out on my next day off.
I knew those mountains better than anybody my age and I wasn't scared of being high in the woods.
I was so naive.
So here we go.
A child, 14 grams of high octane, mind melting psilocybin, a backpack with plenty
of water, weed, snacks, rolling tobacco, and no fucking clue what the average dose of mushroom
should be.
Upon reaching a familiar meadow, far from prying eyes, I began to eat a mushroom every
few minutes until I started to feel weird, and a few more after that to make sure they'd
taken full effect.
The next nearly six hours were filled with the most joyous and terrifying emotional
roller coaster I had ever had the fortune to experience. I tasted the soil.
I hugged trees and cried. I got naked and waded into a beaver pond even though
the cold water shot my balls into my abdomen. I think I laughed at the Sun for
being arrogant.
I remember after about an hour and a half of hard tripping,
coming into a moment of sobriety,
where I finally sat down and tried to roll a spliff.
As I was rolling it, I caught a glimpse of a chipmunk
staring at me over a rotted log.
He kept squeaking, twitching his tail.
For whatever reason, I tried to talk to him earnestly.
Yeah, because you weren't even close to sober.
And when I realized how absurd the situation was, I forgot I was going to
spliff and clenched my fist tearing it in half. I then cursed the chipmunk and
began full belly laughing for the next millennia until I finally pulled myself
together. These are just a few of the highlights. Anyway, when I finally came
down enough to make the hike home, I couldn't stop smiling. I couldn't stop
for days afterwards to be honest. I made it home covered from forehead to between
my toes in mud and told my roommates about
the trip while they laughed at me.
It was a magical time and I'll never forget it.
The next morning after a fantastic night's sleep I ended up weighing what was left of
that half ounce just under 3.5 grams.
So I ate 10.5 grams.
Hail Nimrod.
Oh my god.
It was a life-altering experience for the better
and I attribute that to my pure ignorance of psychedelics while being in a place
that I felt most at home. It may have coincidentally been the perfect storm. I
grow mushrooms for myself and my fiance here and there so we have them to
microdose an occasion trip while camping or hiking. But I'll never take a hero
dose like that ever again. I think this is probably my most tame hero dose story
next to my five tabs LSD in San Francisco,
Mescaline at Bonnaroo,
or my MDMA LSD psilocybin and DMT trip
while backpacking the mountains of Wyoming,
which all came much later in life.
It was definitely the most formative.
We'll save those others for another time.
Sorry for the length. You're welcome for the girth, Brian." Brian, holy shit. I laughed
so hard when you when you when I first read this. Over 10 ounces, your first
time. I've never taken that much at any time. I hope I never do. That's a
double hero dose. That is so much. Sometimes between three and four grams
will send me into outer space.
10?
Oh my God.
I love that you were thinking that the sun was arrogant.
It strangely makes sense to me.
Like in that state.
Thank you for sending that in.
I love a good trip story and that was a great one.
And it actually reminded me of one a friend of mine
told me a while back.
Not gonna go into all the details,
but they were down in New Mexico. There was like four of them down in New Mexico.
Actually some of you guys know this guy. He wouldn't care. It's a buddy of mine,
Doug Mallard, comic, and oh my god him and his wife, Flynn, are so great. And they
were down in New Mexico with I believe two or three other people and they
had all like like not all of them but several of them had brought this these
shrooms and they kind of pooled it in this bowl on this table.
And then when they went to go like really take their trip, it was just like it was gone. Like all of it's gone.
This one girl, this one real girl on the trip fucking ate all of it. It was supposed to be enough for like five people.
And then she was missing and they're out of the desert. And then there's like, they're looking for, and then they just saw her like way out on the horizon,
just running like full sprint through the desert.
And she comes back a while later.
And I don't know how she did this.
She must've been pretty good shape,
but she said like, she's like, see that mountain?
She's like, I ran all the way to that mountain.
I touched it and I ran back.
And she randomly had a DVD,
like an old of the mask with Jim Carrey.
She just found that out in the desert.
Just came back with it.
So random.
Next up, all the way from Israel, Israeli sucker, Coral Ben Lulu sends a message
in related to me mentioning the current situation in Gaza, the beginning of the
Sparta, Sparta suck, he writes it was a subject line of an Israeli perspective.
Hello, my name is Coral. I'm an Israeli fan of the show. I've been a huge fan for many years now of
Time Suck and Scared to Death. Thank you. I feel like I have to write this after Dan's opening on
the latest episode on the Spartans. I was born and live in Israel and I do agree that the war is
awful. I want the war to stop. We lost lives as well and I do feel bad for the innocent Palestinians.
But Hamas uses them as human shields. They hide in schools, hospitals, and mosques.
And fire rockets from rooftops of civilian homes.
Hide weapons in children's rooms.
Kill Gazans that oppose them.
I do agree that we need to stop the war,
but Hamas forces civilians to protect them.
You have to understand that Israel
is not the only problem in Gaza,
but Hamas is.
They make money and the humanitarian aid
that the Palestinians get for their organization while their leaders hide in Qatar and Iran and civilians starve.
Dan said, we all want to live in our homes in peace. Well, so did the 1400 Israelis,
children and elderly that were murdered in their homes by Hamas. Hamas is holding 130 hostages,
including two babies. We want to bring them back home. I'm still a fan of the podcast. We'll
continue to listen. I do think the war has gone on long enough, but I'm tired of the world taking what Hamas did to innocent people on
October 7th, I think like taking their side. Thank you
Also, I'd like to add that I don't agree with how the government is handling the war or the Palestinians
Sorry for all the misspellings still loving the podcast
Thank You coral first you wrote that in English. Excellent Lee
You wrote that much better than I would write anything in Hebrew.
And yes, Hamas is terrible. Disgusting terrorist organization who abused their own people
in addition to having killed so, so many Israelis for a long time now.
I'm just saddened that so many innocent Palestinians have to die thanks to Hamas' actions.
And also because of what seems to be, you know, from the outside, from a you know, a little glance at the news, overzealous airstrikes, you know,
coming from the Israeli government. But I know that this is all very complicated,
very, very, very complicated. It's hard to get accurate media coverage on it
thanks to so much disinformation being pushed by, you know, all sides. Which, you
know, sadly is the way it usually works in war, but with AI and stuff, it's, you
know, it's gotten much worse. I just keep hoping with technology advancing right that soon we can use weapons, weapon tech
to limit civilian death much more than is currently still the case. Just yeah just saddens me. The
whole situation saddens me. I think about what it would be like to try and raise my kids, Kyler
Monroe in Gaza or also in Israel, in Israel where Hamas has attacked. You know, if I were someone who prayed, I would be praying for you all.
I hope that where you live, you're okay, Coral.
Stay safe as you can.
And I hope you can continue to find escapism in these shows.
And now we're going to shift from war to love.
Anonymous is now an emotionally connected meat sack thanks to dirty drugs.
This is one of my favorite messages we've gotten in quite a while, actually. Anonymous is now an emotionally connected meat sack, thanks to dirty drugs.
This is one of my favorite messages we've gotten in quite a while actually. He writes in with the subject line of MDMAID, like MDMA, MDMAID be better.
Hello there, mighty ruler of the suckverse. I'm a long time avid listener and loyal disciple of the
cult the Curious, but until now I never felt the need to ride in with any sort of update.
That is until the episode on psychedelics.
It is funny that this particular subject hit home so much for me,
as I am a complete drug neophyte,
and have no experience with virtually anything that you pontificated on.
Growing up with both my parents as well as subsequent step-dads,
having problems with alcoholism,
I actually turned away from all intoxicants
very early on in life in an effort to
avoid turning out like my father. He, along with my stepfather, became the
symbols of everything I hated. Watching my mom be violently assaulted and being
much too small to defend her in any way made me despise these monsters that
always seemed to be unleashed when they would drink. Convinced that is what would
happen to me the minute my lips touched the bottle, I just played it safe and
abstained from all of it in an effort to break the cycle. I didn't have my first drink until the age of 33 and have never even
smoked weed, let alone partake in any hard drugs. So why would a dork such as myself write in about
an episode entirely about drugs? Well, let me tell you. Having been with my amazing wife since she was
15 and I was 17, we recently celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary. Congrats, that is awesome.
And while we wanted to celebrate by visiting Alaska, our anniversary is in November, so that
will have to wait for the summer. In lieu of the Alaska trip, we decided to
take a quick trip on an actual weekend to Eureka Springs, Arkansas
to just relax in a secluded mountainside cabin with a beautiful view
and a big hot tub. Before we left for this trip, a friend of mine gifted me two
capsules of molly with complete assurances that a great time would be had by the both of
us. So after dinner we arrived back at the cabin and because I'm still scared
of most of this, I did my best to pull the capsule apart and only take half the
crystals inside. We each took one half of one capsule and we waited. 45 minutes or
so later with both of us not really feeling anything, we took the other half
and we filled the jacuzzi tub, got in in an effort to salvage what at that point
I was thinking was a wasted evening.
It takes the tub 15 or so minutes to fill and we both got in, kicked back and relaxed,
still expecting to be hit with some sort of aluminum baseball bat of highness.
After an undetermined amount of time, the wife is getting warm from the temperature
of the water and asks me to drip some cold water from a washcloth onto her back. Of course, I obliged.
And as I repeatedly do this, I began to realize that she is making sounds that after 25 years
of marriage I've never heard before. Something akin to a mixture of bad porn acting and a feral
cat fight. Oh, they're kicking in. The Molly's kicking in. It is also at this point that I look
at the clock and realize I've been doing this for almost an hour and a half. I love it. Just dripping
cold water on her back. Does this feel good? Does this feel good? For 90 minutes. So I figure I can
turn her around and give her some shit about how this is really affecting her. When I do this I'm
suddenly overcome with the feeling that I want to be inside of her. And I don't mean in a sexual way. I want to crawl inside of her and live there happily for the rest of my life.
As I lean into kisser, I realize that her lips have magically transformed from human lips
into some kind of velvet. Oh, it's so tactile.
That is woven by a legion gods and has been passed down to her for just this moment in time.
I also come to the realization that here at the age of 48 I have finally for the first time kissed a girl. I don't know what I was
doing for all those years previous, but this was something next level. After I don't know
how long of just sitting, soaking, rubbing, touching, and kissing her, we decided that
we should proceed buck naked to the hammock on the deck. It'd be November, it was a little
cool, but I had never felt such an amazing caress as the breeze seemed to envelop me in the most gentle
hug I've ever had. We laid naked on the hammock for hours and funny enough it
was completely non-sexual. And while I consider myself to have always been a
good husband, I certainly have my shortcomings. Growing up, if we showed
emotion of any kind of vulnerability, I'd either got us hit or relentlessly mocked
for being a pussy. So while I would never hit my wife and I go to work every day and pay the bills,
as an emotional counterpart, I kind of sucked. This mental wall would make me do things like
be passive aggressive about the dumbest things and to just feel too uncomfortable to really
open up and bare all. This all miraculously melted away in one night. Laying there under
the stars with the most glorious breeze tickling my bare balls, I connected with my wife like never before. It was like we shared a piece of each other's
souls and were able to truly see inside each other for the first time. And while the effects
had worn off by the next day, the feeling of closeness had not. It was like my brain had been
rewired and a new better version of myself had emerged. It made me so happy to hear you speak of
how your experiences had changed you into focusing on the right things for the right reasons. As I felt what
you were saying, as I felt what you were saying deep in my soul. Sorry for not being sorry
about the length of the email. I just had to share a drug version story of having my
cherry popped. If you read this, leave my name out as I work for the government and
they may not be as open minded as we are. Thank you for everything you and the crew do. I'm not sure you understand just how much it helps some of us out here.
Hail Nimrod, you beautiful bastard, and keep spreading the good word, Anonymous.
Anonymous? Yeah, again, I love this message so much. So much fucking yes.
Yeah, Molly, you know, when you use it like you used it, I think a label like soul medicine would be a better description than just drug. The way that shit can just dig into
your heart and mind in an already loving and respectful partnership is truly just
wondrous, just miraculous even. When used responsibly, it is a beautiful drug.
Medicine. Right? I teared up reading your message the first time I read it. I just
connected with all that so much and I so look forward to having another night like that with Lindsay
Yeah, it really can just strip away, you know
Just chemically the way works your brains like a little bit of magic
strips away so much of the bullshit life bogs us down with as we get older it can silence all our inner demons and just
Leaves you in the state of just just beautiful blissful childlike innocent love and wonder. I'm so happy for you
Just beautiful blissful childlike innocent love and wonder. I'm so happy for you. Yeah, it's nothing like alcohol and
It infuriates me to know when that alcohol a much more dangerous and destructive drug is legal and MDMA is not
Okay now one more Spartan sucker Ian Ferguson shares some more ancient Greek information with us. He writes in with the perfectly Spartan
subject line of just Sparta.
Hi Dan, I always appreciate you read my messages, but I do have to kindly say that you left out
that they were meant a few words. One of my favorite interactions happened when Philip II
of Macedon was conquering Greek city-states left and right, and he sent a message to the Spartans
saying, if I invade Laconia, you will be destroyed, never to rise again. The Spartans replied with just one word, if.
That is badass.
To which he then decided to totally avoid Sparta.
Overall though, it was a really good episode.
Three out of five stars wouldn't change a thing.
Sincerely, Ian Ferguson.
Yeah, thank you, Ian.
Yeah, with big subjects, it's always a battle, you know,
to decide what to include, what not to, what to cut, what to keep.
Yeah, the Spartans had some great zingers.
Here is one of my favorite Spartan quotes.
When the Greek historian Herodotus recounted an incident that preceded the Battle of Thermopylae, I know some people pronounce it Thermopylae,
you can do it either way, the Spartan hoplite,
Dynikes, there we go, was told that the Persian archers were so numerous that when they shot
their volleys their arrows would blot out the sun.
And apparently they didn't face him one bit, he just calmly responded, so much the better,
we'll fight in the shade.
Those dudes after all they went through growing up to become fucking soldiers feared nothing.
Thank you for the messages everyone. Yeah,
so fun. So fun to be included in your in your lives and those little ways.
Thanks time suckers. I needed that. We all did.
I've been pushing these buttons for so long now and it always just takes me a second to
find the time sucker updates outro. Thanks for listening to another Bad Magic Productions podcast,
Scared to Death and Time Suck each week. Short Sucks and Nightmare Fuel on the Time Suck and
Scared to Death podcast feeds some weeks. Got another Scared to Death Nightmare Fuel coming up
soon. Please don't move to Mexico and take a dozen wives this week or have 50 kids and then
have a lot of those kids take a dozen wives and start a cult war where kids get killed other kids get fucked other kids still kill more kids uh just don't do
that it's insane it's interesting to talk about but horrible to do to stay home watch uh you know
what stay home and watch shogun on hulu it's mostly subtitles but it's really good oh and keep on
sucking and keep on sucking.
Okay I didn't want to worry you guys if I mentioned this earlier but I think I may have a have had a blood atonement hit put out on me.
And I think my dog Penny Pooper did it.
It's just the way she's been looking at me lately
when I refuse to keep giving her treats.
Because she runs to the treat drawer and barks
like every 15 minutes.
And the vet doesn't want her to get any heavier.
And she just gets so mad and the rage I see in her eyes
scares me a little bit.
And I think she wants me to die.
I think she wants me to die so she can see if Lindsay will find a new puppy daddy who will feed her eyes. It scares me a little bit. I think she wants me to die.
I think she wants me to die so she can see if Lindsay will find a new puppy daddy
who will feed her more.
She just has a...
It's just a blood atonement look in her eye.
Might have to start calling her the Doodle Manson.
Actually, I should because she's fucking crazy.