Timesuck with Dan Cummins - 40 - Doomsday Drama! Nostradamus & Apocalypse Prophets

Episode Date: June 19, 2017

Did Nostradamus predict a series of major world events that would occur hundreds of years after his death? Did he know when the world would end? Or is it all just a bunch of ridiculous nonsense? Find out who Nostradamus was, what he predicted, what I think of those predictions and learn a little about what most doomsday predictions are based on and how many times doomsday prophets have been wrong the past few millennia in this apocalyptic edition of Timesuck!   This episode of Timesuck is brought to you be Audible! Start a 30-day trial and get your first Audible book for free by visiting www.Audible.com/TIMESUCK

I tell you that I have seen it thus. There will be floods of such nature that no place on this world will not be affected, and for a long time everything will be beneath the surface of water, and everything will be destroyed with the exception of the weather and space. After those floods such a great amount of fire of glowing stones will fall from the sky that nothing and no one will be able to escape this last destructive fire storm. Great flood, followed by a great storm of fire. Who's this Debbie Downer? Nostra Bummer.

Is this how the world is gonna end? Apparently, Nostradamus Thoughtsau, this is a translation of an excerpt from one of his letters. While he's most famous for his prophetic quadrines, published in Nostradamus' less prophecies in 1555, he also wasn't opposed to throwing a little doom and gloom into a letter. Who doesn't want to open up a letter to a little bit of fire, a little bit of flood news? And when did he think the world was going to end this way?

Some interpreters think that the end times are upon us right now. Which should we be worried? Did No Stardomus actually predict the end of the world? Did he successfully predict anything? Has anyone ever successfully predicted the future? How many times have major for sure? Definitely going to happen this time, guys. I promise apocalyptic predictions have been wrong so many times so far every time. Why does so many people long for the world to end? Why do we care what they think? Find out on today's, it's the end of the world and these assholes know a tradition of TimeSuck.

You're listening to TimeSuck. This is beginning of the week. Let's make it suck in a good way, everybody. Turn those Monday blues into some laughing and some learning. I'm Dan Cummins and this is Time Suck, a little experiment and curiosity. There's quickly growing into an international community built in the love of discovering something exciting and new and sharing that little info nugget

with the world around you. Thanks for being a part of it. Today's show is all about predictions and prophecies and I have a little prediction for you. I predict that if you head to timesockpodcast.com and you look in the shop, you're gonna find a third generation Time Suck T-Wait T waiting for your sweet time sucker ass. Bojangles.

He's here. He's modified. He's the one eyed three-legged pit bull mascot of time suck. He's also the head of my research department, a time traveling fighter of communism, known to roll with Michael McDonald and James Ingram, and he's looking dope as fuck on a time suck T made out of 213% imported Koala ainess treated with gerbil saliva for a little extra softness. Artist Adam Rosati, now a time sucker as well,

crushed this piece commissioned for the show. You can check out more of Adam's work at at just another iPhone on Instagram. Dude, so good, so talented. And did such a great job on this shirt. And it comes in both a navy blue men's cut and a turquoise women's cut, so soft, so summery, about time I threw a shirt towards the ladies based on emails, the time set community,

has to be about half estrogen at this point. Love it. Sorry, it took a second for me to do the right thing and get a t-shirt made specifically for you. Obviously you can wear the men's ones, I know a lot of women do, but I know a lot of other women like to have a ladies's cut. First, second generation T still in the store, still softer than your aunt's sweet mustache. Your aunt's sweet, sweet lady's stash to get kissed on by some dude you don't even know about.

And still, I have all those signed Daddy Bear books and signed Don't Week the Bear CDs and the shop as well. Thanks for picking those up this past week. Appreciate those of you also who watched and rated the Don't Wake the Bear Comedy Special, now streaming on Amazon, free for Amazon Prime members. Hope you enjoyed that. And also appreciate you, suck heads for the iTunes Reviews, subscriptions, recommendations,

brothers to listen, PayPal donations, using that Amazon button on the website to do your shopping. Love that you care enough to spread the suck. It's growing every week, 700 iTunes Review, Vlad, the Impaler Dracula, that episode. Probably to spread the suck. It's growing every week, 700 iTunes review, Vlad, the Impaler, Dracula, that episode. Probably gonna be coming soon. Only about 25 reviews away from that. And to those of you who send and picks

wearing those time suck t-shirts, I will get those post on social media promise. In a bit of a transition phase right now, because I'm a dumb dumb. The show has grown faster than I expected. And I learned real quick, that I can't in fact do everything myself. Been having to tame that control freak monkey. That's been on my back my whole life that was fueled by a career and stand up

where you just get to do everything yourself and And you know in the process of starting to work with some others some other time suckers help them with the show It's been great in the process of switching all social media for time suck away from my Social media profiles and over to the at-time suck podcast on Instagram, Twitter, slash time suck podcast on Facebook. Gonna have the new Friday, you know, preview clips on those sites for the episodes coming up the following Mondays. A lot of cool other stuff, a lot of, a lot of plans. But first I have to wait for one of my time sucker volunteers to get back

from traveling abroad. And I don't know when that is because I'm a terrible communicator. I am an idiot sometimes. And before Jordan, the fantastic time sucker volunteer who's been so helpful, setting up all the time sucks social media and doing all the posting on those sites, he took a vacation to Europe, he sent me all the user names and passwords I needed to log in,

but I forgot to switch the phone number on the account from his number to my number. So now when I log in and try and do stuff, it sends a security verification code to a phone that he's not checking in Europe. So, ha ha, gonna be a funny story someday. So when he gets back, which I'm hoping is sometime this week, but I don't know.

Oh boy, gonna roll out some fun stuff. Can't believe I didn't think of the security switch there. Actually, I can. Those are the details I overlook often in life. It's classic comments, but you know, I'm gonna get smoothed out soon. And now Time Suckers, Amber, Joy, Vialta and Mickey, I hope you enjoy this No Stradamus Doomsday episode.

You asked for it. And before we dig into it, let's dig into some fabulous time sucker updates. First update is from Diane Gallagher, a comic whose friends are some of my friends. She says, hey, Dan, I got excited when I heard the next episode will be on Bonnie and Clyde because my great-grandmother had a cool short story about meeting them when she was 11 years old in 1933. She told us that their group of kids were walking to school

and they were passing by a car, pulled off the road, that a flat tire, and a man was fixing the flat and a woman was sitting in the front driver's seat with the door open with a big gun on her lap. One of the boys told Lady, wow that's a really big gun. The lady told the kids they were going to rabbit hunting and did he know where they could find some big rabbits. So the boy started telling her the best place to go hunt rabbits. The kids didn't know that was Bonnie and Clyde, but later the news reported that Bonnie and Clyde had been spotted in town on that road so everyone should be on lookout and that's when Granny saw their pictures and knew the

people going rabbit hunting were actually Bonnie and Clyde. This was somewhere in or around Houston, Texas. I love this story. Bonnie and Clyde, police, fleeing bank robbers and bunny hunters, that's probably not. That's probably the story they told the kids. They were probably going to hunt some coins and some mula that somebody else was possessing when the kids saw them. Maybe they did hunt some rabbits.

Maybe they had some rabbits too later. Who knows? I would have been proud of them to run into those two as well. It's fun even though I find a lot of their crimes morally reprehensible. I'd be more excited to see an infamous criminal than I would to see a famous celebrity for some reason. Something strangely captivating about those who've chosen to ignore society's laws,

live by their own code and get away with it for a while. It's a crazy life choice to make. So daring, not not good with daring. Also I mentioned being able to visit the scene of one of Bonnie and Clyde's crimes and Lawrence Kansas, excuse me, an old bank that had been converted to Teller's pub, well, Time Sucker's Audrey Lobel, excuse me, an old bank that had been converted to a Teller's pub. Well, Time Suckers, Audrey Lobel, Sarah Hunt, informed me that Teller's closed their doors

in 2013. And now the former bank is a gastropub called Merchants Pub and Plate. Love how you time suckers are everywhere. You know it all. I like it. So don't waltz into Merchants Pub and tell everyone how excited you are to be a Teller's. Don't make a fool yourself. Listen to my advice.

And I brought shame to my rural Idaho Heritage last week with the Bonnie and Clyde episode, Dan Wenger pointed out that the 30.06 is read as 30.06 when you're a man. That's how men set. When you're using you're referring to a rifle, rifle is caliber. God damn it. I shot a 30.06 numerous times. I think I actually killed a deer as a kid with a 30 out of six. But I forgot how it looked when it was written down. Louis, Brazil also pointed this out to me. And then Time Sucker Cole Schultz taught me that a gun's clip in this magazine, two different things.

Explaining that a clip is an object that holds bullets that you put into a gun that has a magazine magazine is what is used when the weapon has an open chamber such as a browning automatic rifle used by Clyde. Cole also said, just want to say, love the show and keep on suck and suck God. I don't always read that, those parts of the emails all the time, but almost every email has some nice little reference like that, some nice kind words. Even when the point not mistakes I've made, I love the spirit of time suck, just good

people, you guys are good people. So yeah, so I got up my man knowledge of weaponry. It's very lacking, I'm finding out. I also got scolded a bit for something I said in the JFK episode, and I deserved it. I deserved it. Dear Suck Master comments, let me start off, I say I'm a big fan of the show, see, so nice.

And I've listened to your comedy for years. But during your countless hours of research on murderers, hauntings, and conspiracies, perhaps you can take 15 minutes and do some research on the Coast Guard in World War II. During the first part, the JFK conspiracy episode, you referenced his bravely and said, it's not like he was sitting on some beach

in Boston with the Coast Guard. If you could pull your head out of your ass, perhaps you would learn that the most of the ambibious landing crafts, delivering soldiers and Marines to the beaches were piloted by coast guardsmen. You may even read about Douglas Monroe, one of the men who piloted a Higgins boat who after delivering Marines to Guadalcanal turned his boat around once they realized it was

an ambush and placed it between the Marines and enemy fire. He gave his own life rescuing several Marines, including the Marine Corps God himself, Chessie Puller. And to the Coast Guard that did stay in the States, I'm sure they were able to fit in some beach days when they weren't busy sinking German submarines off the Carolina coasts. I will continue to remain an avid listener,

but you should never run down a man who served, especially if you spent your young adulthood at a liberal arts school. Love always Chuck II. Well, yep, yep, Chuck and I emailed back and forth. I did apologize. And he was super cool about the whole exchange by the way. And for the record, I didn't apologize for making a Coast Guard joke.

I think you should be able to joke about anything. I did apologize for not knowing that the Coast Guard was in battle like that, especially around World War II. I didn't know that that job was so dangerous and that they were doing things both domestically and abroad. You know, I still stand by, you know, I still stand by the thought of JFK signing up for more dangerous kind of military operations, I think arguably going to this health-specific,

but maybe not. I mean, I really, maybe it was just as dangerous to be in the Coast Guard at that time. And even if it wasn't Chuck's right, it's not like I served at any capacity. So they were all braver than myself. And I'm relaying this message to point out that stuff about the Coast Guard.

I don't wanna disparage a group because of my own ignorance. I really did think the Coast Guard was just like fucking chillin'. I mean sure you had to do some boat ship, but I thought it was a lot of just like havin' beers with your bros and with your ladies, some fucking Coast Guard bar. I don't know what I thought it was a lot of just like having beers with your bros and with your, you know, ladies, some fucking coast guard bar. I don't know. I don't know what I thought actually.

But this mess is just a good excuse to say I have a great deal of respect for those you who, you know, serve or have served in any military capacity. I know a lot of you time suckers are serving or have served a lot of military time suckers. So much respect for what you do, what you've done. You know, you keep in candy, S is like me, safe and free, and able to do stuff like this little podcast. I adore so much respect for what you do, what you've done. You know, you keep in candy, it's just like me, safe and free, and able to do stuff like this, a little podcast, I adore so much, and I'm eternally grateful for your sacrifice, so thank you. And quick shark episode update. I said, Josh came out in 1974,

and the movie came out in 1979. Adam Irwin pointed out, wrong. The movie came out in 1975, and Adam also had a birthday yesterday, so happy birthday, time sucker. And now one more update, an update that speaks to the best part of time suck, connection of the curious. Subject our family sucks because of you,

dear suck master, my sister and I have been listening to your stand-up since we were awkward middle schoolers and we feel like we've grown up with you. I am getting old. We related with your disdain for the general public and aspired to your level of complete fuckery. Mmm, like you kids. Six years later, I now go to college, 600 miles away from her. A few months back, I found out you started a podcast and lost my shit.

I quickly became an avid sucker. I visited home from Mother's Day a few weeks back and now, and told my now 17 year old sister about your suckctor. I returned to college and I received a text from her dying about Joe Dimashio's sex doll. Ah, I hope that's true. Ever since then, we have been on a Netflix level, suck binge and feel like straight up scholars when we bust at our knowledge of Dahmer's Body Preservation Taxics at Parties.

We talk every day and now we have a whole new weird thing to bond over, listening to all the mighty, listening to the mighty King of S suck has made the distance a little smaller and we feel like we've been listening to an old friend, tell us some crazy ass stories. Thanks for making 600 miles, just one suck away, much suck, Jellin and Lany.

Well, God damn it, thank you Jellin and Lany for illustrating the power of the suck. The family of the suck together stays together. I know that's a weird sentence. Love how much you to enjoy the most demented aspects of the suck. And on that note,

you know, way more women right in about the men, about serial killers. Never expected that to be the case. But I love it, man. You know, you just can't be, you know, building up your mind and squeezing in some fuckery fun at the same time. And just using this as an excuse to have fun conversations, something new to talk about with the people you love, the people you like hanging out with. I just love that I get so many emails in that regard, makes me feel really good. And sorry to the many others whose updates, you know, I wasn't able to squeeze in I know we're getting a lot of them now and now let's get out of these updates and let's start having some more fun some more weird shit Let's start sucking on the apocalypse

Thanks time suckers. I need a net. We all did Why are we so obsessed with the end of the world? Why do we want to see it happen? John Michael Greer, author of Apocalypse Not, everything you need to know about 2012, no Stardomis, and the Rapture is wrong. He calls it the answer to this problem, the Apocalypse meme. According to meme theory, a meme is an idea or set of ideas that can be transmitted from one person to another. Apparently it's not just pictures of kittens and other things happening with text on them on Instagram. The meme survives as long as it can remain a factor

in someone's thoughts and actions. And it spreads when one person convinces another to accept the meme. What makes a meme successful is simply that it encourages the people who accept it to transmit it to as many other people as possible, whether or not it has a positive impact on the people who accept it.

With the apocalypse, the meme of the end of the world is near, has passed from generation to generation throughout the history of human civilization, through time just passing from host to host, adapting to its current environment. It can be traced specifically back to at least 1500 to 1200 BCE, and it's existed forever since, and many have died at its hands. It's a powerful main but powerful idea, and I like that explanation. It just has a lot of social currency.

There's a strong desire to kind of pass the idea of the apocalypse because it's such a powerful idea. It makes sense to me. It's kind of like that. You can't look away from a train wreck phenomenon. Like, if you see a bad car wreck, for example, in your way to work, isn't there a good chance you're going to talk about it, the larger the wreck, the greater possibility you're going to talk about it, I think.

Like you see a fender bender, probably not going to say anything. But what about a car t-bone on the freeway? What about two SUVs crashed into each other, head on windshield smashed out, several bloody lifeless bodies laying on the road, a woman blood all over her head, screaming in the middle of the road. You can mention that? Fuck yeah, you are. The intensity and the tragedy of that carnage pushes you to share what you've seen, it

would be weird not to mention that. What if someone told you about the ultimate car wreck essentially, the ultimate train wreck you can't look away from the end of the world? You literally can't get more violent than that. The ultimate amount of carnage, total carnage, a wreck we're all involved in. I just think the intensity of a violent event of that preposterous magnitude is what keeps us thinking about the apocalypse. You know that and guys like, you know, Nocturne Donnell was talking about it and telling us how it's going to happen ever since the dawn of civilization. And we listen because we want so badly to know what the future holds for us.

So maybe we can somehow work to avoid any tragedies, make it, somehow prevent tragedies that are supposedly going to affect us or at least deal with them more effectively. I think the uncertainty of the future is one of the main sources of stress just for humanity in general. Are we going to be okay? Am I going to be able to pay my bills? Are we going to make it to retirement? Are our kids going to be okay? You know, is my mom pay my bills? Are we gonna make it to retirement? Are our kids gonna be okay?

You know, is my mom gonna be alive next week? Like all that shit? You know, someone tell me what's coming down the pipe. And then someone like Nostradamus, you know, he's like, don't even worry about it. I got this. I got this covered. But then later, he's like, actually, we should all be very worried. A lot of horrific horror, just a lot of blood of destruction and mayhem and death headed our way. But then sadly, we're even more interested in the future because it now sounds bad.

It's the fact that like train wreck kind of thing. So anyway, a lot of people have predicted the end of time, but no storm is probably the most famous Doomsday Prophet. So let's kick off this Armageddon episode and talk at some length about him. And let's begin our examination of him with a time-suff timeline. Shrap on those boots, soldier. We're marching down a time-sub-time line.

Born on December 14th, 1871 in Louisville, Kentucky, Albert David Bentley, Noesr-Dommis, Jr. grew up the son of a popular banjo stringer and a part-time Marianette painter. His grandfather, Lollie Nocturd Thomas, Benner Nocturd Pop, invented the Lollie Pop in 1845 as a way to quit smoking. Nocturd Thomas was a tall child over seven feet tall by the sixth grade, but he became a short man standing only five foot four by the age of thirty for reasons lost to history. What, wait, wait, wait, wait, that was complete gibberish. Sorry about that. I actually just grabbed the wrong note card. I grabbed a card from the horse shit

and nonsense folder. Instead of the no-strudamus folder, for some reason those folders are right next to each other in Bojangles file cabinet. Born on December 14th, 1503, in Saurame, Provence, France, Michel, De Nostro Dame was one of the, at least nine children of René de Saint-Romey

and a grain dealer and notary Jacques de Nostradame. Making that grain money, son, counting them seeds and shit. The latter's family had originally been Jewish, but Nostradamus' grandfather, his particular grandfather, Guy Castanet, had converted to Catholicism around 1455, taking the Christian name Pierre and the surname Nostodeim, the latter apparently from this saint's day on which his conversion was solemnized, most likely converted because of strong anti-Semitic views in the 16th century France. Louis XII and one of his first acts as King of France in 1498 issued a general expulsion

order of the Jews of Provence. They'll not enforce at the time. The order was renewed in 1500, again in 1501. On this occasion, it was definitely implemented. The Jews of Provence were given the option of conversion to Christianity, and a number chose that option, most likely including the family of Notre-Damez. So Michel, known siblings, included Delphine, Jean I Pierre Hector,

Louis, Batra, Jean II. Let's have two kids, both Jean. Let's use that name again. That's a good name. We like that one. A tome, a little else is known about his childhood, so I'm going to extremely spent most of his time jousting, eating turkey legs, watching puppet shows, wearing hats with peacock feathers in them, and you know, just whatever else dorks do it, Renaissance fares. 1517. At the age of 14, he enrolled at the University of Avinya to study medicine and became a physician. He studies there, and it after one year due to an outbreak of bubonic plague. God damn, we have so much better than people did medieval times.

Remember the last time a university called it quits for the year because of a plague? I'm pretty sure that's never happened during the lifetime of anyone listening to this. The idea was so much more shit back then. You know, as we were students, we are so very pleased to have you all in attendance. You studied so very hard, but there was a problem with the mises. The mises they like to buy to the students too much. And then everybody gives the loans on their bodies. And then they are very much dead.

They are so dead from the beats, the beats is other meets is. I don't know. After school is canceled, Nostradamus becomes an apothecary and extensively researches herbal remedies because a dude loves some weed. It's where his visions came from. No, he studied other herbs.

Apothecaries were like medieval pharmacists who didn't need a doctor's permission to give a prescription. And they didn't have modern medical education. So like ancient doctors, you know, probably often did more harm than good. This is an age when bloodletting was a common medical treatment and when it was believed that a trained physician could distinguish the expulsion of vanity

or the signs of a weak digestive system by examining a patient's excrement. Do you hear what I'm saying? Doctors thought you could just like determine things by looking at poop. Just not like under a microscope. They didn't have those yet. Just kind of looking at it, just fooling around with some poop. You're a proud man, Mr. First, and one only has to look at your poop to know that.

You've got far too much vanity. You're too proud for your own good, and it's putting quite a strain on your constitution. Don't argue with me. It's written all over your turd. Your handsome shiny, perfectly symmetrical, beautiful turd, so smooth, so monochromatic, so vain, we must expose it. Why can't we imagine what kind of tests you went on with these medical schools? How is your diseases of the stomach 101 going, Ostrtonus? Poorly, now I've received a failing grade on my exam. I thought treatment of stomach maladies

should involve an allergy test of some sort, possibly a steroid to common formation, but as it turns out, apparently, staring at the poop is the correct course of treatment. In 1522, he enrolled in the University of Montpellier to pursue the completion of his degree in medicine. Why didn't he even study back then? I don't know if I can get it.

There are conflicting reports with respect to completion of the doctorate.. Why don't you even study back then? I don't know if I can get it. There are conflicting reports with respect to a completion of the doctorate. Some evidence suggests that he was expelled from the school due to his work with herbal remedies and the school's dim view of anyone who was involved in the apothecary trade. Other accounts say he was never expelled and became licensed to practice medicine 1525.

I love that the medical school may have looked down on him because he was an apothecary. You fool with your studies of herbal remedies. You're not even looking at poop, are you savage? Side note, I'm sure that they did study a lot more than poop. I know they did. But they also went very good at doctoring. Come on.

They had to microscopes. No antibiotics, no x-rays, no scans of any kind, no knowledge bacteria, no real understanding of what organs even did. Remind me never to visit a doctor if I get sick and medieval Europe. Just, I'll just die instead. Why would you die anyway? So I'll just die without going to a doctor instead. Those are your options.

Do you want to die? Would you like to die at home? Or would you like to die if the doctor's? What? Why do you that? Well, it's a doctor's due. They let you die. They have a nice place for you to die.

They'll kind of poke you around a little bit and you can die there or you can just lay here and die. I'll just lay here and die. Around 1525, Nostradamus traveled to Italy and France for several years, helping victims of the plague, Nostradamus treated the plague in an enlightened manner for the time, encouraging hygiene and fresh air

and the removal of infected corpses from populated areas. This was better than other remedies of the day, which included being covered in leeches, have a doctor, a literally a glass filled with your pee. They didn't always look at poop, sometimes they looked at pee. And then they tell you't always look at poop, so they don't always look at pee. And then they, you know, tell you, all right, we need to go more leeches.

Or, you know, give you some equally unhelpful treatment like feeding you mercury, I'm not kidding. Ah, yep, you've got the plague. Nothing a little mercury poisoning won't knock out. Some people actually believe that being extremely dirty could help you avoid the plague, that the sickness wouldn't want you because you were so dirty.

Like, you just covered yourself in shit and stuff. It's fucking bacteria. You're just helping yourself get it. I guess you gotta get bit, but what I, but it's definitely not gonna make you feel better. It's gonna make you smell worse. Seriously, this is why we need to continue to fund scientific education.

You know, it's very important. Education's so important. We do not want to go back to the pre-science days. And yes, I'm talking to you You home your path hippies There's value in your beliefs for sure. Oh, all right calm down, all right I can don't get you're pretty chilly all fucking fired up But no toss aside all of Western medicine and the pharmaceutical industry because of some of it is problematic or you know unethical Meds are also very good for a lot of people

Noes are not must became widely known in his day for his invention of the Rose Pill, which was derived from Rose Hips, vitamin C, provided some protection from the plague. He had a good curate. I'm guessing most of the causes methods didn't involve bleeding out his patients. I tell you what the medical bar was then. Nozodamus was one of the best doctors of his day

because he didn't fucking cover you with the leeches for everything. You know? I highly doubt the Rose Pill helped much in recovery. You know, just, yeah, 1531. Now, Nosodomas marries Henriette de Cass in Ajahn, France, while studying with the noted doctor of the day. Some dude who was super good at poop watching. I'm talking like Hall of Fame poop watcher.

And they have two children together. But then in 1537, while Nosodomas is helping other plague victims in Italy, his wife and kids die of a fucking plague. Oh man, the irony, dammit. If he'd only left enough rose pills, I told you to take two, not one. I told you to put the rose pill in the mouth,

and let it take it to your mom. Shortly after his family's death, Notre-Dommas was walking past a sculptor, working on a statue of Virgin Mary, and he said it looked like the man was casting devils, which I guess was basically an insult that the sculpture was so ugly, it must have been the work of Satan,

where some old medieval shit talk in there. Well, the comment winded up, getting Notre-Dommas in a heresy charge, heresy being any opinion or action deemed to be against the interests or teachings of the Catholic Church, and that shit could get you tortured and quite possibly killed. So you know, he fled rather than face Catholic inquisitors, dudes fond of stuff like stretching

you on a rack until your joints popped out of their sockets in order to get you to admit that the devil was behind whatever bullshit they thought you did. I would rather face Jeffrey Dahmer and a dark Milwaukee Alley in the early 90s than Stanley Ford and Quisitor in 16th century Europe. Let's do this with fucking terrifying. From 1537 to 1547, Nostradamus wandered through France and Italy, treating victims of the plague, spreading that fucking rose pill, stuff around, living for a short time here and there, working on his pills, studying the occasional, studying the occasional third.

Yeah, just doing doctor shit. Around 1546, Nostradamus settled in Salon des Provences, excuse me, a town close to Salron-Mille Provences, his place of birth where he would spend the rest of his life. Notre Dame is also published two books on medical science around this time. One was the translation of Galen, the Roman physician, and the second book, the Faradamins, it was a medical cookbook for treating the plague and preparation of cosmetics. That's right, cosmetics.

Because apparently in medieval Europe, combatting fatal illnesses went hand in hand with looking your best. Myzwell grinds up some foundation. Why are you making those rows? Pills, Dr. Fucking Quacks, Stardomis. And yes, a cookbook. Notre Dame has had recipes to make perfect nutmeg oil.

How to bake candy orange peel, how to preserve pears. It's hilarious to me. They just didn't have a lot of books back then, I guess. You know, you had to throw a lot of shit into the few ones that were getting published. Just what you're reading there, Pierre? Oh, just a little cookbook. Slash true crime thriller, slash romance novel, slash tax prep guide, slash blacksmith manual, slash kids bedtime story, slash diary. Here in Salon, he'd meet his second wife and Ponsara, a wealthy widow. They would have three daughters and three sons, all who would grow up to find their father to be stupid, fucking creepy.

According to a manager, research in my mind, the house Notre-Dommas lived in for the last 19 years of his life in Salon is still there and is now the Notre-Dame's Museum located at Rue, Notre-Dame's, 13,300, Salon, De Pervance, France. The museum doesn't have food, but there is a Vietnamese book, a cafe, a sandwich shop, and a crepe restaurant all within a block. According to Google Maps, an unrated restaurant nearby called Scott Nelson. I'm not kidding, I'm not kidding, that's on Google Maps. Oh, guess that's an error, but I'm hoping it isn't. Where's your good restaurants around here? We were hoping to grab some food after the Nosier Domest Museum.

Oh, we, we, you must go to Scott Nelson. No one makes a retotoo like Scott Nelson. Bonapetit. I don't realize how much fun it has with my shitty French accent. Here in Salon, Nosier Domest, he changed his name slightly from the French Nostradame to Nostradamus, but he got made fun of and he changed it to the Latin Nostradamus, meaning we give what is ours, and also referring to the transmission of knowledge. That's a little interesting trivia.

After marrying Anne, old Nostradamus started doing a little less doctrine and a little bit old dablin' in the occult. The exact kind of thing, a man of means does who's already seen the world, seen a lot of death and now doesn't have to make money. That's the kind of thing he starts to do. I think no Stardomus' new prophecies, which he wrote during his days in Salon, had a lot more to do with his new comfortable life than it did with actual visions. You have a lot more time for prophecy, I mean, you know, when you don't need to worry

about keeping the candles on. Some say that he would spend hours at his study at night, meditating in front of a bowl filled with water and herbs to get his prophecies like a totally normal dude. I myself have spent many night like this waiting for Nimrod, God of time sucked to bestow knowledge upon me from his glorious ball sack of divine providence. Just last night Nimrod told me, behold, this is your god Nimrod, do not stare upon my chibbacabra face, do not look into

my eyes that other sons, do not stare upon my saskwatch body or my black unicorns, steed, no, stare upon my balls, especially the right one, and see the future. In one year's time, you will find great, Oh, wait, wait, oh, oh shit. Oh, that's, oh God, that's actually something terrible. You're not gonna wanna know this. That's really bad. Never mind. Forget I was here.

Nimrod demands it. Anyway, no tritamas would meditate, go into a trance and then have his visions. It is believe the visions were the basis for his predictions of the future, or were they, you know most most scholars actually Who looked into his predictions believe that noceodomas was neither a doctor nor an astrologer Nor even by his own admission of profit. He told his son in the letter that he was not a prophet

He merely believed that history repeated itself and thus projected known past events into the future in cryptic ways Whatever he was in 1550 noceodomas wrote his first almanac of astrological information of predictions of the coming year Almanac were very popular that and predictions of the coming year. Almanacs were very popular that time. They provided useful information for farmers and merchants and contained entertaining bits of local folklore and predictions of the coming year. Notre Dame began writing about his visions

and incorporated them into his first Almanac here and there. The publication received a great response and served to spread his name all across France, which encouraged Notre Dame's to write more predictions. While Almonax were very popular books in Medieval Europe, they've been around in some form since the time of the ancient Egyptians, ancient Greeks.

They're an annual publication that includes information like weather forecasts, farmers planting dates, tide tables, other data, often arranged according to the calendar, celestial figures, various statistics are found in Almonax, such as rising and setting times of the sun and the moon, dates eclipses hours of high and low tides religious festivals, you know, et cetera, et cetera. The first book to be superficially referred to as an Almanac showed up in 1267 written by Roger Bacon, British philosopher and Franciscan Friar. The first Almanac to be printed came out of the Gutenberg press in 1457, eight years before the famous Gutenberg

Bible was printed. It's all going to act very popular books in Notre-Dame's day. Noter-Dame's like every historical figure we suck on, you know what product of his time. It's not like he was some visionary doing something known and done before. He wrote weird shit and published it during an age when a lot of other people were doing the same thing. And speaking of published books, let's take a moment to talk about today's sponsor, Audible. Today's show is brought to you by Audible. Audible has the best audio book performances, the largest library, and the most exclusive content.

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And one of my favorite sci-fi, slash fantasy series of all time is on Audible. Of course it is. Stephen King's Dark Tower series, seven glorious books, all unautable, listened to Rowland Gunslinger as he seeks the Dark Tower. The center of all worlds, to find out why his world is coming apart of the seams. So good, highly recommended. And if you were listening to the Dark Tower series on Audible, you'd experience things like the hair raising on the back of your neck. Maybe we'll shiver down your spine. Because with an audible sci-fi performance so powerful, you can feel transported to another

dimension, even while sitting in traffic. And you know I'm all about other dimensions. I'm talking about them on this show. So start a 30-day trial and your first Audible book is free. Learn more at audible.com slash time suck. That's audible.com slash time suck T-I-M-E-S-U-C-K. So get in on that. And by 1554, nocturnalms' visions had become an integral part of his works in the Almanacs, and he decided to channel all his energies into a massive opacy entitled

centuries. He planned to write 10 volumes, which would contain 100 predictions forecasted the next 2000 years. In 1555, he published less prophecies, a collection of his major long-term predictions, possibly feeling vulnerable to religious persecution. He devised a method of obscuring the prophecies, meaning by using quadrains. Rhymed four line verses and a mixture of other languages such as Greek, Italian, Latin, and a provincial dialect of Southern France. Why so many languages? Well, because it helped cloud his messages from the Catholic Church, helped hide it somehow. The fact that he was making predictions, which the Church didn't care for.

He was also worried about being tortured and killed by the Church first, you know, sharing his visions, is believed he never faced prosecution for heresy, you know, by the inquisition, because I guess he didn't extend his writings to the practice of magic. I guess that was the line back then. You can talk about weird vague shit if you write it in four line rhyming quad trains of various languages, but do not mention magic or the practice of magic or we'll have to burn you alive. Rules are rules. some controversy with his predictions. As some thought, he was a servant of the devil, so there was speculation about him, you know, with his interest in the occult. And other said, he was fake, other said he was insane. However, many more believed the prophecies were spiritually inspired. He became famous and in demand by many of Europe's elite, Catherine de Medici, the wife of King Henry II of France, and member of the rich and powerful Medici family was one of Nostradamus' greatest admirers after reading his Almanac's of 1555, where he hinted

at unnamed threats to her family. She summoned him to Paris to explain and drop horoscopes for her children. That's how you get ahead in life. You do vague threats against the royalty. They're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you talking about? How do we prevent this? Actually, don't do that. Don't threaten people in power.

Usually, it doesn't work out well. talking about. How do we prevent this? Actually, don't do that. Don't threaten people in power. Usually, it doesn't work out well. A few years later, she made him counselor and physician in ordinary to King Henry's court in 1556 while serving in this capacity. Nozodamus also explained another prophecy from centuries one, which was assumed to refer to King Henry. The prophecy of a young lion who would overcome an older one in the field of battle. The young lion would pierce the eye of the older one and he would die in a cruel death. Nocturnalist warned the king, he should avoid ceremonial jousting supposedly. Three years later, when King Henry was 41 years old,

he died in a jousting match, when a lance from his opponent pierced the king's visor and entered his head behind the eye deep into his brain. He held on to life for 10 agonizing days before finally dying of an infection and from living in an age when no one knew how to heal head wounds. His head is bleeding profusely, quick, stared as poop and tell us what we should do, doctor.

Notre-Dommas claimed to base his published predictions on judicial astrology, the art of forecasting future events by calculation of the planets and stellar bodies in relationship to the earth. His sources included pastures from classical historians like Plutarch, as well as medieval chronicles or chroniclers from whom he seemed to have borrowed liberally. In fact, many scholars believe he paraphrased ancient end of the world prophecies, mainly from the Bible, and then through astrological reasons of the past,

projected these events into the future, as I mentioned earlier. So it's just like a very fucking convoluted way to come up with these weird quadrants. And maybe he did earlier, I kinda said, you know, it's about warning the king that maybe he did, maybe he did warn the king not to joust. But he also probably warned him about like a thousand other things that didn't kill him.

I don't know, that's my thought on it. In 1566, Nosierdama suffered from gout and arthritis from much of his adult life. He had been suffering. And the last years of his life, the condition turned into a demon or drop, see where abnormal amounts of fluid accumulate beneath the skin or within cavities of the body sounds horrible. Without treatment, the condition results in congestive heart failure, which he did for him in late June of 1566. Nozodamus asked to see his

lawyer to drop an extensive will, leaving much of his estate to his wife and kids. On the evening of July 1st, he's alleged to have told his secretary, John, Dave Chauvin, you will not find me alive at sunrise. And then the next morning he was reportedly found dead line on the floor next to his bed. Now, did he really do that? Who knows? It's here to say, I doubt it. Or if he did do it, he'd been doing that every night for like six months. He was very, very sick. I don't think I'll make it to tell tomorrow. And then he makes it. And then I'll be dead in the morning and then his life

But then one time you will not find me alive at sunrise and then oh god He's really died. He really died. Who who saw that coming? Everyone who looked at him with his fucking fluid sacks in his body and his dropsy condition everyone had been seen over months I don't know Most of the quadrains no Sardomas composed during his life dealt with disasters such as plagues, earthquakes, wars, floods, invasions, murders, droughts, battles. Nozodomas enthusiasts have credited him with predicting numerous events in world history, including the French Revolution, the rise of Napoleon and Hitler, the development of the atomic bomb, September 11, 2001, terrorist attacks in the World Trade Center. Nozodomas' popularity seems to be due in part to the fact that the vagueness of his writings

and their lack of specific dates makes it easy to be to kind of selectively quote them for, you know, throw them upon any major dramatic event and retrospectively claim that them is true. Whether it's method or intentions or whatever his method or intentions, notion omises, timeless predictions continue to make him popular to those seeking answers to life more difficult questions. Well, let's hop out of this timeline and look at these predictions. They're apparently making sense of life to some a little more closely. Good job, soldier. You've made it back.

Barely. Okay, so let's take a look at this Notre-Domacist, some of his predictions, translated as best people could from the four original languages to modern English and have them still rhyme. King Henry II prophecy, let's look at that one first. This is the one you know predicting this dude's death in jousting. This supposedly was like, does he? If you would have listened, look at what I told you was going to happen.

It says, the young lion shall overcome the old, on field of battle by single duel. He'll smash his eyes with a casing of gold, two fleets one, then to die, a death cruel. Okay, okay. First off, let's think about how this dude made roughly a thousand of these quadrains, published together in a book, the prophecies, first published in a book of 353 quad trains and 1555 by 1568 shortly after his death. The book would count about 942 quad trains. You know, you say enough cryptic things. Some of them are bound to remind people

of actual events in some way. I could do that. I could do that. And I have, check this out. This is a quad train. I just divinely received from Nimrod. Fire winds ravaged the mountains hide. Not all will feel water's healing touch.

The stars won't be seen outside, many will die and not feel good in such. Remember this prophecy time suckers. And then when there's a drought and corresponding wildfire, the kind of thing that happens almost every year somewhere, an event that puts enough smoke into the sky to hide the stars and then some die and some get hurt on the fires, because that's what fucking fires do, you think of this and behold the power of Nimrod and his divine prophet me. But seriously, Nostradamus never mentioned a jealous in that quattrain. Never mentioned King. Definitely never mentioned King Henry specifically.

Come on. That was a stretch. I felt like that was a stretch. One of it wouldn't know, but let's look at the Hitler one. This is quattrain from the second century, 24. One of no shardama's most famous predictions. It's supposedly predicting Hitler with the 24th Quattrain of his 2nd century group. What if I talk like that for the whole podcast? I bet I'd have five listeners within a month. If I just talk like this for the whole time.

Saying things and this overly dramatic voice and taking interesting pauses and breaths and things into the microphone that would drive one insane. Okay, but this is a big one. This is one of those nuances once it gets quoted a lot. And this says, beasts ferocious with hunger will swim across the rivers. Great apart of the army will be against, will be against Hista. The great one will cause him to be dragged in a cage of iron when the German infant observes no law. And I messed up on that one.

But his beast froshes with hunger will swim across the rivers. Greater part of the army will be against hisster. The Great One will cause him to be dragged in a cage of iron when the German infant observes no law. Hisster sounds a lot like Hitler, right? I mean, he must have meant Hitler. He said hisster. This one sounds like shit.

No, it doesn't. No, it does not. He was talking about the great German river of the Danube. Hister is a Latin name for that same river. A river known to Nostradamus and any other scholar in Europe at that time, big river, a lot of people lived around. Hister was also the name for the people who lived along its banks. He's talking about fucking river, talking about the Danube river.

But this is how to find people at NStreetomasUSA.com interpret it. Beasts ferocious with hunger, suggesting Adolf Hitler and the German army. Was swim across rivers and borders? The great apart of the army, suggesting the French and allied armies, will be against Histor, a clever allusion to Adolf Hitler. No Tredamus misspelled Hitler's name by one letter. This is one of his remarkable name choices with most people which most people agree is far beyond just coincidence.

Perhaps no shodamas is teasing us here. The great one suggests in the Allies. Well cause him, Hitler, to be dragged in a cage of iron when the German infant Hitler and Nazism observes no law. What a fucking stretch! Alright, if anyone listing runs the website nostragamasamas USA dot com listen up fuckhead. You're wrong All right, but you're out of your ass was Hitler dragged in a cage of iron. No, he killed himself Right, you pull the allied and French armies out of the greater part of the army come on

That could be a reference to any bigger army and literally any Battle throughout human history and this is one of of the most novelist's best prophecies. Disappointing, no short term ass. But the dude has name recognition. So, you know, bullshit TV networks like the history channel spend obvious fucking nonsense and the supposed fact. I hate to turn fake news. We have a lot of misleading cable channels.

I watch some of history, history channel, no short term, documentary, and preparation for this episode. I watched about 10 minutes and I was like, come on, they just talked with a dramatic voice. Notedomas would speak of fire and devils and pestilence and plague. Destroying the earth, will it be coming for us? Will it be this time?

Are the signs with us now? They just get so fucking dramatic and it's based on nonsense. You know, we get, we live in the age with the learning channel, you know, doesn't care about education. They have shows called my big fat fabulous life in Long Island medium for fuck's sake.

And they'll present a prophecy with a word like history to their audience, a lewd strongly, or just say outright that it clearly meant Hitler, but then leave out the part about it being the Latin word for the Danube River. Because you know what, that kind of just fucking kills it. And it doesn't fit with the narrative,

they think is gonna get them the best ratings. You know, it's like a, you know what, that kind of just fucking kills it. And it doesn't fit with the narrative. They think it's going to get them the best ratings. You know, it's like, you know, it's like a, it's like a some tyrant in, in, in America, happened to have the same last name as, uh, of the Mississippi River. His last name was Mississippi. And then when he started doing horrible shit and suddenly everyone was like, Mark Twain saw this coming when he said Mississippi in his books, he meant this guy instead of the river he spent a lot of time on. Okay. But then there's the, uh, Louis past Quattrain. All right, let's talk about that. This is supposedly his most accurate one. Check out this is one set goes.

The unseen is revealed hidden for such a long time. He will Pasteur as a demigod be honored. This is when the moon completes a great cycle, but through sland by others, he will be dishonored. Here's how a believer has interpreted this. Louis Pasteur, Pasteur, will be celebrated, is credited with discovering microbial decay, you know, lost things as discovered, hidden for many centuries. In 1995, the science historian Gerald L. Geisen ran a story in the New York Times, illustrating that Pasteur gave a misleading count of his preparation of the anthrax vaccine, shall be dishonored. Seriously, the dude who invented the vaccine wasn't dishonored by an article no one gave

a shit about that ran a hundred years after his death. And that is what Notre-Dommage fell was important enough to dedicate one of only four lines to. Was that why your New York Times article? It would come out so much later. That's like talking about Muhammad Ali and four lines and using one of them to discuss a biscuit he ate for breakfast once they he didn't really care about.

You know, there will be a boxer who will not fight in war. He will dance like a butterfly, sting like a bee. He will change his name to three letters not four. And one time he didn't love a biscuit he had in Tennessee. But you know, he didn't name past your right? How can you refute that? He named him. Well, because just like the history Hitler situation,

Nozodamus wasn't talking about Louis past your. But of course, those cable channel assholes never mentioned this. Past your is French for pastor, a pastor, a religious teacher. The unseen isn't bacteria. He's talking about the unseen spiritual world of being a fucking pastor, any pastor. One of tens of thousands of pastors

that have been in the world. Again, coincidence, nothing more. of being a fucking pastor, any pastor, one of tens of thousands of pastors that are back in the world. Again, coincidence, nothing more. Vague, nonsense, intentionally vague, left to be interpreted by anyone for a variety of things. But again, none of the big bullshit list articles on the internet or any of the documentaries point out that past your just means pastor, you have to really dig to find that. You know, he wasn't, he wasn't naming someone. He's just keeping a vague. And then there's a JFK assassination. I want to bring up just because we just did the JFK two part time suck.

It supposedly predicts his assassination. Let's see if it's any better. The great man will be struck down in the day by a thunderbolt, an evil deed foretold by the bail of petition. According to the prediction, another fall is at nighttime, conflict at reams, London and pestilence in Tuscany. And here's the interpretation by believers. The great man, John Kennedy, who's even numerous death threats, petition, and was gunned down

Thunderbolt. In the afternoon of November 22, 1963, Bobby Kennedy was killed just after midnight on June 5, 1968. Another fall is at night time. The world mourned. conflicted dreams, London. Get the fuck out of here. You can interpret the world mourned out of conflict at dreams, London,

and Paschalins in Tuscany. Tuscany, how about Dallas, motherfucker? How about Paschalins in Dallas? A city that didn't exist yet, but you should know about it because you can see the future, huh? And how about brother instead of another? Still makes the sentence flow the same way, right?

At least it's a little more specific. If you say the great leader's brother falls, you know Why not even say just Robert or Bobby if you can see everything and so on and so on I he you know he predicted 9-11 he predicted Obama was the third any Christ who would bring about the apocalypse and then he You know predicted Trump is the third any Christ who bring about the apocalypse and so there's a whole bunch of other Dudes that were the third any Christ all vague interpret how you want bullshit again, even as the end of the world prophecy. You know, what about that? Which is that one from the letter I referenced in the beginning of the episode.

I tell you that I have seen a dust that will be floods of such nature that no place on this world will not be affected, and for a long time, everything will be beneath the surface of water, and everything will be destroyed with the exception of the weather and space. This is how he predicts the end of the world in a letter to his favorite sun caesor with no reference to when it will happen. Come on, people. Just an ancient dude saying cryptic dark shit so we can feel important, sell some more almond eggs. Yet despite the fact that the stuff is obvious nonsense, Notre Dame's prophecies continue to be used definitively to predict current world events because many humans are still walking around our modern world with superstitious medieval brains to the top of their shoulders.

I'll wonder, you know, just for a second, who believes this shit? Like, really believes it. Then I'll drive past yet another palm-reading psychic shop and think, how's that place still open? And whoever runs and that, and whoever's their customer, that's who believes this shit. And people like Baxter Dmitry, who recently wrote an article about 2017, is going to be a banner year for Notre Dame. I came across this when I was research like, what predictions are coming up.

Well, according to ACE Journalists Baxter Dmitry at your newswire.com, Notre Dame has been crushed and at in 2017, continuing to quote 500-year hot streak. Well Baxter states that Notre Dame is predicted predicted that in 2017 the US would begin a fall from power. China would begin to rise in power. Global warming would be used as a trigger for war. Solar power would become a major source around the world and commercial space flights would begin.

Mother fucker. This annoys me so much. I'll tell you why. First off, none of these things have definitively happened in 2017. Is the US falling from power? No. We're still the most powerful nation in the world when it comes to military might,

which to me is the main indicator of power. Are we getting less powerful? Maybe, maybe not. The economy is not the best, but it doesn't have to necessarily indicate a fall from the top. Are we starting to slip in 2017 specifically? Maybe, maybe not.

Is China getting more powerful? Yes, but did they suddenly out of nowhere start getting more powerful this year? No, it's been happening for a while. Has global warming been used this year as a trigger for war? No, does it look like it will? No. Is solar power suddenly a main source of power globally?

Fuck no, have commercial flights of space began? No. As bad as the law and Musk would like them to begin, still leads to few years away to really truly get out into space. So it's blatantly wrong. Second, backstreetreet doesn't cite a single Notre Dame's quattrain or any other of his letters or writings as proof of these predictions.

That's driving crazy when people do that. He cites another website, express.co.uk. You go to that website, it's one of those lists, a website that repeats all the same bullshit and also doesn't reference a single piece of Notre Dame's actual writings. And I found that all over the web, all these things talking about all these predictions, Notre Dame's has made, do not cite Notre Dame's ever. They don't like reference what he actually fucking said,

because if they did, people would read it and be like, what? They got that from this, get the fuck out of here. Okay, well, if you think it came down to harsh on Baxter Dmitry, you know, tacking him specifically, this is his bio. Baxter Dmitry is a writer at your newswire. He covers politics, business, and entertainment, speaking truth to power. Since he learned to talk, Baxter has traveled in over 80 countries and one arguments in every single one live

without fear. You book and douche. One argument in 80 countries, okay. Holy doucheery, I looked back straight up on Twitter at backstreet underscore to matri and he looks exactly like I thought he would. Two thumbs up, he's given and his cool guy leather jacket and one of his first tweets is complaining about fake news. The irony, the balls of backstreet to be someone who's complaining about fake news after writing that article.

Oh, so no trotamus predictions. You know, are they legit? No, sorry everybody. I really do not think so at all. I don't think there's anything in them whatsoever. And I actually kind of wanted to, I really do go into all these weird like ones, you know, like the cryptosoological or these kind of ancient mystery ones,

conspiracy ones wanting to believe actually, you know? I've probably said it before on the podcast, but X-Files, my favorite show growing up, you know, identified with molder. I wanted to believe, I wanting to believe actually. I've probably said it before on the podcast, but X-Files is my favorite show growing up. I identified with Molder, I wanted to believe, I wanted to believe, I still do. But you read this stuff, and if you look at it, you know, with some critical thinking, it's like, nah, fucking, that's, no.

Uh-uh. Just a little need to claim some outrageous shit. So why does his name still have recognition? Why is he so popular? Well, I think because his insaneness of Thomas was, he was able to sell a lot of books during his day and we love old weird books. So maybe that's part of him enduring. And you know, we came popular for something people have been fascinated with since the dawn

of civilization, being able to see into the future. Like we discussed earlier, Sears, reference, numerous times in the Bible, the ancient Greeks had their oracles, hunter gather tribes around the world, have had their medicine men, nofordamus was part of that tradition. And because his almond acts were widely distributed and became more popular than other Sears of that tradition. And because his almond acts were widely distributed and became more popular than other sears of his day, I think his name is stuck more than the other profits. Maybe that rich widow money also helped him get a leg up

on other lowly 16th century sears, he's able to get more books printed. Or maybe it's a cool name, no? Nocturnalist. Maybe other sears didn't have good names. Maybe they had weak names like, I'm not sure this is right, I guess. Or maybe Domus. Or I don't know what do you think it costs?

That doesn't have the power, that doesn't have the ring of Notre-Dommas. But seriously, who knows exactly why he became his popular as he is now? Popularity is a strange fickle beast. What really cracks me up the most is that Notre-Dommas may not have actually considered himself a prophet, didn't believe that he could actually see into the future.

Like we said earlier, just, you know, believe in history repeating itself, which I actually believe as well, you know, his predictions were based in events from the past, according to Peter Lema-Jure, former Cambridge linguist and professional translator, who has written at least 10 books on the enigmatic figure. Notre-Dommas used a technique he thinks dating back to biblical times known as Biblio-Mansi. Notionomics purportedly selected to extracts from older sources such as the Bible at random and then used astrological calculations to project its recurrence in the future. One of the major sources used for his most famous work, the less prophecies, was the Mirabilis LeBier of 1522 and anthology prophecies from well-known Sears of the Time and other popular books

of his day he used for astrological references. So maybe he's just pulling from a bunch of that stuff and then combining it with some weird little formula into shit that sounds cool. And despite being popular, he might not have actually been that good at kind of drawing these things together in that good or astrology. His contemporaries criticized his astrological skills

by the time the first edition of the prophecies was published in 1555, he'd already garnered quite a bit of notoriety from his Almanacs, which he'd begun to publish on an annual basis, beginning five years early, as we stated, but professional astrologers of the time criticized his incompetent methodology and failure to adjust the predictions for his client's birth dates or place. Lawrence Videl published a pamphlet in 1558 entitled Declaration of the Abuse's Ignorances and Seditions of Michelle Nosodamas, in which he railed against both the content of Nosodamas' predictions and his lack of basic astrological skills. I love, I love, I can lunatics fighting lunatics. It's a lunatic fight, and yet his name has endured. He's been referenced

as some kind of legitimate source of for how things are going to go for years. His prophecies were used as propaganda during World War II. Shortly after Germany invaded Poland in 1939, Magde Goebbels, the wife of Hitler's propaganda minister, stumbled upon a passage in the book, Mysteries of the Sun and Soul, in which one of Notre Dame's quadrains was believed to predict that Christ's is would develop in England

and Poland in 1939. After bringing the passage to her husband's attention, Joseph Goebbels, he ordered the creation and distribution of a brochure that would convince those living in neutral countries that a Nazi victory was inevitable because Notre-Dommies had predicted it centuries earlier. But the Allies retaliated with a bit of psychological warfare of their own, air-dropping large quantities of flyers over German occupied territories claiming the notedomas had actually foreseen Germany's defeat. In an attempt to boost American morale, MGM also produced a series of short films about the famous notedomas.

Why were both sides able to use the same messages to claim victory? Because it's vague nonsense. But so many people still believe it. Very entertaining people. I will say that. Very entertaining people whose online rantings were built for for my new time sucks segment idiots of the internet. That music you just heard for the intro was created by a time sucker. I want to say that real quick. Big thanks to time sucker Benjamin Bulky. big thanks to Time Sucker Benjamin Bulky, subtle talented man.

Thank you for sending that to me, that little, that metal riff, that metal song for me to use for Time Sucker. I love to eventually rebuild all the music for show segments and only use music created by the Time Suck community. I think they'd be so cool. So if you'd like to, you know,

have me use your music, possibly down the road, send it to admin at TimeSuckpodcast.com. And again, thank you Ben, you are a bad-ass musician. Well, Nocturomics is still crazy popular, as we've said, came across so many ridiculous comments from so many random nut jattles while researching him. My God, a lot of comments, because you know, his videos draw a lot of people. Recent YouTube video titled Five Noctur Domest Predictions for 2017 has almost 5 million views already.

Dude would be killing it if you had an Instagram account today. Most of the comments on this video are sarcastically awesome, stuff like I have a prediction. This will be a normal year like every other year we've had. Or I predict the narrator in this video will be kicked in his little balls into the 17. Or I have a prediction I'm about to fart. And Nostradamus. I love it.

Yep, it came to the same side. I did. This is Dave there. But my favorite comments were the unintentional comedy comments. And my favorite of those was from Living Legend and Future Member of Mensa, Zach Thunder. Just a few days ago, YouTuber, Zach Thunder left the following comment gold under this 2017 Nostrad a prediction video he says not should have a died in fifteen sixty six six six six one plus five equals six six six six no sodomis does all caps not no shit

trump will not bring war three it's the antichrist you want to know the future is in the bible right there i don't need no false testimonies of no shardamas. This is bullshit. Wow, that is beautiful. Come on you guys. No shardamas does no shit. I'll prove it by referring to something equally nonsensical. The obviously evil mean of six six six. A number given significance a long time ago by someone with less education than even Notre Dame sat. I love watching someone call out someone else for being first superstitious nonsense, using their own superstitious nonsense as proof of them being right.

Well, he doesn't stop. This is one of his comments. There's more more Zach Thunder, wisdom right here. He says, weep, this will happen, but not know. Trump is president. This will all caps happen with one world government is in power that men, the anti-Christ, that nobody knows who he is until he's in power,

a Jude decadent. Wow, ignorant and racist, who would have guessed. So many misspellings by the way, like a apostrophe amount of misspellings. Weep is spelled W-E-A-P for example and apparently mr. Thunder just sees those spell check red lines popping up under all his words and just pushes through and going let me be stop red lines red like Satan lines no stopping me devil red lines Zach oh god has created a few YouTube playlists oh you know I gotta say I No stopping me, devil red lines. Zach, Zach.

Oh God, I created a few YouTube playlists. Oh, you know, I gotta say, I love that he even misspelled Christ or Christ. You would think you would get Christ right. He's anti-Christ. You would think it's CRIST. You think that'd be like what the one word he at least got right. But he created a few YouTube playlists

and there is entertaining as you might expect. One's called Project Blue Beam and it's about Chemtrails, of course it is. So far it has one video and it's called Update, NWO's Project Blue Beam and the real reasons for Chemtrails. Comments were disabled for that video, which really bummed me out.

I can only imagine how ignorant they were but then I found another video even better because Mr. Thunder has another playlist called Interesting to Watch and it has one video again, and it's even better. It's called, I'm not making this up. It's called Flat Earth, colon, Breeding Area 51-Interview with the Black Ops colonel.

Holy shit, this made me laugh so fucking hard when I found it, because they've combined Flat Earth belief with Area 51 conspiracies, and conspiracies about Black Ops all into one youtube title unbelievable comments are enabled on this video and so far it only has three do which you're by mr thunders himself or maybe maybe it's doctor thunders probably probably doesn't want to include that title because he's humble you know it's probably maybe reverend doctor thunder he definitely could be a reverend based on what he writes even if he can't spell christ even he spells a christ

a reverend based on what he writes. Even if he can't spell Christ, even if he spells a Christ. Maybe, maybe, I think Reverend Dr. what thunder what it is. And I think that the good Reverend writes on this video or this other video I just talked about he writes, I heard everything this will happen. A leader will come to bring peace. That's the Antichrist. This will be horrible. Oh my Lord Jesus have mercy. Holy shit, it's so fucking great. So many weird capitals sprinkled in there and right after leaving that comment two weeks ago, Reverend Dr. Thunder felt the need to reiterate how strongly he believes it with another comment. This is all caps true. I do believe this. Man, all caps again on is it's important for the Reverend Dr. Thunder to make sure that you know he definitely believes what he says.

And then the only other comment is from Christian Lockhart who says, very interesting to say the least, very sad. Not sure if he's referring to the content of the video or the comments of the Reverend Dr. Thunder. I really could go either way with that comment. I did, I did click on Reverend Dr's video, of course I did, I could help myself. A video uploaded by another Wackadoodle, a user named EarthMall, and with a picture at EarthMall,

first profile picture, who was posted numerous videos about either Flat Earth, Satan, or from what I can tell, how Satan is involved in Flat Earth. I guess maybe because that would make hell easier to be around if it was a Flat Earth, and it was definitely beneath us, I don't know. Anyway, this Flat Earth breeding area 51,

interview with the Black House Carnal video. You gotta be curious, turns out it's not just a video, black house carnal video. Got to be curious. Turns out it's not just a video, uh, not a video at all. I'm sorry. It's a phone call between Alexander Beckman, a self-described Mexican journalist who appears, and that's not I'm not throwing his race in there other than he just, that's what he puts on his like titles like not just journalists. He's a Mexican journalist, uh, based on visiting his website, uh,

Alexander Beckman dot com. He's one of the craziest people on the internet. None of the pages on his site work, except for the homepage, where he has embedded YouTube videos. And the first one says, why I am in danger, Alexander Bachman, and he expresses fear of being killed

by dark web assassins who want him dead for opposing ISIS and for trying to help Middle Eastern Christians. I am not making any of this shit up. And when you listen to it listen duty as a strange combination have been extremely articulate and also extremely insane. So if proper pronunciation is more important to you with critical thinking and at least an attempted factual investigation, Alexander Beckman

is here you don't wanna listen to from here on out. Anyway, Alexander talks to Lieutenant Colonel S. Seen who's going by code name instead of his real name because he doesn't want to be killed by nefarious forces, or because he doesn't want to give his real name because he's not a Lieutenant Colonel, and instead of 40-something-year-old, you know, 40-something unemployed maniac living in his mouth basement stealing his neighbor's Wi-Fi so he can talk to Alexander backman on Skype. And they talk about alien technology that's definitely on deafness planet, more this coming to the planet, how about how I'll never get these minutes of my life back,

you know, that kind of shit. Alexander has created my favorite idiots of the internet moment for today's episode. See, I just love that as I do my digging, I come across this stuff I never would have found otherwise. This is, this made me laugh so hard. I literally, I started crying. When I found this, he's selling his website,

but there's a stipulation. It's a big one. It's a very specific one. At the top of his website, Alexander in some text says, this site is for sale, and then there's a banner that says for sale by owner. And then next to that is just the best. He writes, only men whose name, sorry, this is probably just as funny for

me and no one else, but he writes only men whose names are Alexander Backman or Alex Backman will be considered as candidates upon providing lawful identification. Asking price is $5,000 US in escrow count only. Do you hear what I'm saying? Oh, God. Oh, by the time again, by the time I got to all the other shit I talked about in this segment and then I saw what this Cornball looked like. And I just, I have tears in my eyes right now again.

It's so funny to me. He wants $5,000 for the domain name. But he will only sell it to another man who shares his exact name. And you have to prove it. and you have to prove it. He's not gonna take $5,000 from some fucking wannabe, Alex Blackman, or backman, excuse me. No, sir, he hasn't, he hasn't tegrity, all right? You have to show your ID, you have to pay $5,000, and then you get a domain name that no one gets a shit about.

This site hasn't been updated in over two years, so I'm thinking like for two years who's been waiting for the perfect offer, I wonder if there's been some close calls, you know, and this is how this guy sounds when he talks, by the way, I'd love to sell you the site, but you have a middle name, your Alexander Thomas backman. I'm Alexander backman. Do you understand the difference? I don't have a middle name. You do. I'm sure you can understand where I'm coming from. If I was selling Alexander Thomas Backman.com, then we would have a deal. But I'm selling, hello, hello, are you still there? Are you still on the line? If you can hear me, please understand that only Alexander Backman can pay $5,000 for Alexander Backman.com. Wait, wait, is this the Reverend Dr. Thunder?

Damn it, Zach, I told you to stop doing this. I'm trying to get a serious offer. It is. I'll be into that. Into that. Okay, so Notre-Dommis isn't the only seer to get a lot of stuff wrong. He was just smarter than most and when he left at vague and didn't assign it in exact timeline to his prediction, so you know, you couldn't say he definitely got it wrong.

Here's a few other profits that did definitely get things wrong when it came to their Doomsday predictions. So, 365 AD, when we're starting France, apparently Medieval France had a lot of apocalyptic prophecy. Hillary, Poitier, an early French bishop announced the end of the world would happen in 365 CE. He'd lived two years past his prediction. Sorry, he said 80 and see, they're synonymous after death, referring to Christ or common era with the CE.

So he died in 367 CE. Just kidding, guys. Did I say 365? Oh man, I was staring at the wrong tea leaves. Ah ha, that's, it's 465. It's silly on me. You know, God, waking up the day after you publicly predicted the whole world was gonna be over has to be awkward as fuck.

Just, hey guys, wow, did not expect to be talking to you today. This is unfortunate. I really thought you would all be dead. Oh, we. This is, I really thought you would all be dead. We, excuse me, I really thought we would all be dead. God, I wish I was dead right now. 400 CE and other French bishop, Martin of Tours, didn't learn from Hillary's faux pas and stated that the world would end before 400 AD,

writing there is no doubt that the anti-Christ has already been born, firmly established already in his early years, he will have to reach a maturity achieved supreme power. Oh, God, these guys. 500 AD, Hippolytus of Rome, sexist Julius Africanus, Africanus, and Irenaeus, all predicted Jesus of return. The predictions were based off of the dimensions of Noah's ark and all three were obviously wrong Just you know just ah shit

We got I forgot we were supposed to be measuring in cubits. Okay, that's what you know. I should listen to super bus I was working in meters actually. I was I was I was working a half meters. I was working in smeters I was working in smeters That's how I messed up because smeters aren't real and meters haven meters haven't been invented yet. So back to you, that's your drawn board for me. January 1st, 1000 CE, this is the big one. Big round number equals big bullshit proclamation. Known as the millennium apocalypse, various Christian clerics predicted the end of the world in the state, including Pope Sylvester II. Riots occurred across Europe. People were all fired up. Pilgrims headed, they all the shit to Jerusalem to be there

for the rapture, riots and people moving, man. And then nothing, nada again, of course. Those people who headed to Jerusalem from around Europe must have been so pissed. What a surreal emotion that must be to experience fury at still being alive. Just what the fuck? How am I still alive, Sylvester?

Rejoice, are you fucking kidding me? I sold all of my shit, all of it. I quit my job as the castle blacksmith. Now I'm stuck in the middle east with a bunch of other real pissed off people. You should be, I should be dead now. Stupid assholes, not fair. We're all supposed to be dead. 1033 AD.

Whole bunch of other Christian scholars. I forget it wrong. And the year 1080 had a quick aha moment of oh wait Sorry, buddy. Did we say the world was gonna end a thousand years after Jesus's birth? Okay, that's I misspoke. We all misspoke. We meant a thousand years after his death After his death don't even worry about it. Don't even worry about it. We're all gonna be dead by 1033 a D And then again, obviously nothing man If you were devout Christian born in like 9 AD AD

you just got double fucked. You sold all your shit when you were 20. Totally ready to leave this world. Nothing happens. You rebuild your life. Then at 53 you're ready to die again. Then nothing again. How do you listen to anything the church says after back to back epic fuckups like that? Just blah blah blah. Bishop blah blah blah. 124 AD Pope innocent the third, died in 1216, it predicted the world would end 666 years after the rise of Islam. Biblical prophets love the beast number, but then nada, because of course it's just a random mean

in this number, we've arbitrarily used to end up the passive time to give our lives some semblance of order and meaning. And it wasn't just Christian or religious people making these predictions. The one just actually I'm picking on that group on February 21st 1584, a group of astrologers in London predicted the world would end by a flood starting in London based on calculations made the previous June. 20,000 Londoners left their homes and headed for higher ground

and anticipation. And then 20,000 Londoners walked back home and talked a lot about how they were going to whoops and stupid astrologer asks ass for making them all look like assholes. And then the same astrologer predicted the day loose of February 1, 15, 24 recalculated the date to February 1, 16, 24 when their first prophecy failed. Smart call guys, make sure the second one is going to happen after you've all died. You can't say like 15, 85 or you don't get to walk back home without at least a serious fucking butt weapon. 1688, the mathematician, John Napier, calculated the end of the world would be in 1688 based on calculations from the book of Revelation. Sorry, yeah, yeah, this is for 1688,

it's when he thought the world would end, and this is this is the same guy who discovered a logarithms So you know, he was really good at math. Just not so good at prophecies and also he died in 1617 So he was smart enough to at least you know, make the prediction not coincide with his own lifetime More on the book of Revelation just a bit by the way a lot more January 1st 2000 And so you know many other predictions hundreds of not thousands of them Apocalypse proclamations for every generation including including my favorite, you know, Y2K. Tons of people thought the world would in a January 1st 2000, including televangelist Jerry Falwell, that genius who also let the world know that Tinky Winky, the purple teletubby from the

hit-kid show, teletubbies, was modeling the gay lifestyle to children. What am I fucking more on? This is also the same tele-evangelist who, following the 9-11 terrorist attack, said, on. This is also the same tele evangelist who following the 911 terrorist attacks said, I really believe that the pagans and the abortionists and the feminists and the gays and lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, people for the American way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point finger in their face and I say, you helped this happen. Wow, what a fucking moron. This is a man who was extremely close to both President George H.W. Bush and President George W. Bush, by the way, of course he was.

There was also Tim Lehe, and Jerry B. Jenkins, authors of the popular Left Behind Christian novels about the Christian apocalypse, and they stated that the Y2K bug would trigger global economic chaos, which the Antichrist would use to rise the power, but then as the data approached and the computer experts shared everyone that the computers were fine and they were going to fix the glitch. They were like, nah, never mind, just kidding, everybody.

Fall apocalypse warning, I pushed the wrong button. Whoops, just forget about it. Clearly, a lot of apocalypse prophecies I've mentioned have an association with Christianity. Plenty of the don't, and I'll get to more of those in a second. But first, let's talk about revelations. That's what it seems like most of it comes from. So yeah, so there are a lot of biblical references to the end of the world. The most notable ones are definitely

in the Book of Revelation. The blueprint for so many apocalypse predictions, and I was thinking, like, well, you know, what is the Book of Revelation? Well, one day in about the year 95 AD, a man named John, supposedly had a vision from heaven, the Book of Revelation is John's record of that vision. John was a Christian leader of Jewish origin who was an exile on the Roman prison island

of Patmos. We don't know why John was exile to Patmos, but it may have been for refusing to worship the Roman Emperor Domitian who had declared himself a god, took a page at a clregulus playbook on that one. Love those crazy Roman bastards. A tradition says that John the Apostle was the author of both Revelation and the Gospel of John, but that is not certain.

The author does not identify himself as an apostle. And here's a summary of what the book is all about. There's the introduction, which is chapter one versus one through 20, where John introduces Revelation as a letter to the seven Christian churches of Asia Minor. He states that it is a revelation given to him by Jesus through an angel. And then there's the seven letters. The one like a son of man dictates seven messages for John to send to the seven churches

in Asia Minor. A letter of several paragraphs is addressed to each of the seven churches. Each message praises the church community for its strengths and urges community members to correct their weaknesses. So fair enough, you know, sounds nice so far, it's all positive so far. And then when by time you get a chapter four, you get to a vision of heaven where John has a vision of an open door to heaven. That sounds cool. He sees the throne of God in the heavenly court. Sounds nice. Jesus scrolled with seven seals in the right hand of God, but no one has found worthy to open it except the lamb.

So, you know, okay, all right, lamb, the Jesus, you know, sacrificial lamb, you know, reference is still nothing, nothing negative. And then, you know, it gets the six chapter and it's about the opening of the seven seals. The lamb opens the seven seals, the scroll is each is opened, it reveals one aspect of human suffering or human destiny.

Okay, you know, the suffering doesn't sound great, you know, this isn't tricky, you know, I'm listening. And then we get the seven Trumpets by chapter eight, is each of the seven trumpets is blown. A plague is unleashed upon the earth. Okay, oh shit, wait a minute, hold, hold, hold, hold, hold. Okay, okay, that's so happy about the plagues. Here come the plagues, this is not gonna be good.

And then by the time you get to chapter 12, it's about a woman in Dragon and a child, a woman about to give birth appears in the sky, a red dragon with seven heads and ten horns also appears waiting to devour the woman's child. The woman gives birth and she and the child escape. War breaks out in heaven, Michael and his angels battle against the dragon. The dragon is thrown down to earth. The dragon is angry and makes war against the faithful Christians of earth. Holy shit. Uh, John went big here. He went big. A dragon being born in the sky with seven heads

and ten horns. Uh, weird horn to head ratio. I gotta say that. Unusual amount of horns. Curious why I didn't just go with seven horns, seven heads. I personally would have went with 14 horns for seven heads. I like a nice pair of horn to head ratio. For you to see these crazy fucking terrifying dragon heads. Then it gets even crazier. Then there's the beast from the sea. Which after 13, a beast with seven heads and ten horns are mergers from the

sea. It has a blasphemous name on each head. It is like a leopard, but with feet like a bear and a mouth like a lion. The dragon gives a great power and authority over every tribe language of nation. What? Enough. Fuck. The acid really kicking in here. John is clearly tripping his balls off. It just went from Dungeons and Dragons to barely hanging on to a threat of reality because the drugs in my head. Again, sticking with a bad horn to head ratio. That's unusual.

Through a lot of animal references into that one. It's like he couldn't decide between bare, leopard, and lion. He's like, ah, it's all those things. It's a part of all those things. And it's working with that dragon. And then we get to chapter 13, the beast from earth. Another beast comes up out of the earth. It has two horns, like a lamb, but speaks like a dragon. It deceives inhabitants of earth. No one can

buy or sell who does not bear the mark of the beast. One with wisdom can calculate the number of the beast for it is the number of a person. It is number is six hundred sixty-six. So dragon lamb, very creative, lots of creativity points for that one. And then there's the 666 we all know about now. You don't get to buy groceries unless you take the Dragon Lamb sweet 666 number. It makes total sense, making a lot of sense right now. And then we get to the Lamb and the 144,000 by Chapter 14. That's when John sees the Lamb standing on Mount Zion with the 144,000 sealed by the angel. They must have been, they have been redeemed for mankind as the first fruits for God by the angel. They must have been, they have been redeemed for mankind as the first fruits for God and the lamb.

And that's how you get Jehovah's Witnesses. That's where they come from. Those people love the 144,000 reference. And I'm not just shit talking. They think that only 144,000 people are going to heaven. It's just like, okay, whatever. I don't need to be redeemed because the offense, I guess, I just, I don't fucking get it. It goes on about the three angels, the seven bulls of God's like, okay, whatever. I don't need to be predate this defense, I guess. I just, I don't fucking get it.

And it goes on about the three angels, the seven bulls of God's wrath, the whore of Babylon, the fall of Babylon, rejoicing in heaven, the rider on the white horse, Satan is bound for a thousand years, the judgment of the dead, the new heaven, the new earth, the new Jerusalem, and then it closes out with Christ promised to return soon.

You know, it gets revelation in chapter 20, says he sees the dragon, the ancient serpent, who is of the devil, Satan, and bound him for a thousand years. He threw him into the abyss, and locked and sealed it over him, to keep him from deceiving the nation than he mourned, until the thousand years were ended. After that, he must be set free for a short time. I saw thrones on which we're seated those who had been given authority to judge, and I saw the souls of those who had been beheaded because of their testimony about Jesus and

because of the Word of God. They had not worshipped the beast or its image and had been beheaded because of their testimony about Jesus and because of the word of God. They had not worshipped the beast or its image and had not received its mark on their forehead to their hands. They came to life and reign with Christ for a thousand years. The rest of the dead did not come to life until the thousand years were ended. This is the first resurrection and so on and so on and so on. It gets fucking, you know, just keep going on the nut train. That shit makes even less sense than nose and arms is quadrains.

That's superstitious, fundamentalist stuff that weirdos fear. Can you please stop believing that? I mean, believe in Jesus if you want to, fine. Fine, fine. That makes you feel good, great. But can we please stop with the revelations? Can we stop with the fucking dragons?

And the 666 and the 10 horns with the seven heads. It's 2017. Come on, man. Come on, we've had iPhones for a long time now. We have really good computers. Scientists have come a long way since being 16th century turd checkers. All right. Let's knock it off with all the gobbling gook. But it's not just Christians. That's, you know, the most recent big Armageddon scare actually came from the Mayan calendar, you know. Remember, remember when the world was definitely going to end in 2012?

Says the Judgy podcast, Asshole in 2017 2017, the Intolerant Asshole, speaking now. So what's the mind calendar all about? 2012, mind calendar predictions. Let's talk about that. The mind calendar is a system of three interlacing calendars and Almanacs, all these fucking Almanacs, which was used by several cultures in Central America, most famously the mind civilization, Mayan calendar is cyclical. The calendar dates back to at least the fifth century, BCE, and is still in use in a few Mayan communities

around today. The Mayan calendar moves in cycles with the last cycle ending December 2012, where the Mayan calendar consists of three separate corresponding calendars, the long count, the divine calendar, and the civil calendar. Time is cyclical again in the calendars and a set number of days must occur before a new cycle can begin.

The three calendars are used simultaneously. The divine and the civil calendars identify the name of the days, but not the years. The long count date comes first, then the divine date, then the last civil date. Let's do like a, a myandate could read 13.0.0.0.0.0.4. Ahoo, 8.comku, where the 13 and the 0's is the long count, the 4ahu is the divine date, and the 8.0 is the civil date.

Well, the long count is an astronomical calendar, which was used to track longer periods of time, what the mind is called, the universal cycle. Each such cycle is calculated to be 2,880,000 days, about 7,885 solar years. The minds believe that the universe is destroyed and then recreated the start of each universal cycle. And the Mayan calendar completed its last great cycle

of the long count on December 21st, 2012, when it reached 13 and then all zeroes. And the only thing that happened, world didn't end as we know, but Korean pop sensation, Si, Gangnam style video, didn't become the first video to reach one billion views on YouTube.

So, maybe it was counting down to that. Maybe that, you know, Gangnam style song was just that important that the minds were thinking about it. So why did nothing happen though? Why didn't it work? Because the fucking minds didn't know shit about the apocalypse.

You know, they didn't know shit about any of that stuff. If they were so smart, they would have seen the Spaniards coming and figured out how not to be slaughtered. How not to be taken over quickly. It's all nonsense. All nonsense once again. All the major religions of the world do reference some kind of end times because you know all of them were written a long time ago when people believed in dragons and sea serpents and angry gods and All that shit because they had no concept whatsoever of how the world works. Like in Islam many Muslims believe the end is coming Isis is trying to actively bring about the apocalypse as we discuss in the ISIS episode. The Shiite clerks of Iran believe that Madi is a childhood Mohammed, the hidden Imam,

and the 12th Imam, and they argue that Mohammed Al-Madi was born thousands of years, there are thousands of years ago and disappeared to reappear later when certain signs emerge and those signs are emerging now. And there's other apocalyptic Muslim leaders of the Islamic State, I believe that Modi has not yet been born, but this is the time he is going to be born. He's going to appear now, of course, every generation thinks it's their time. The Buddhists also leave the Buddhist Wheel of Time

to predict a future war that will end the world to epic battles and seven sons and a golden age and Hinduism. The end time occurs when Calci, the final incarnation of Vishnu, descends atop a white horse and brings an end to the current Kalayuga Judaism believes in the end of days. The Jewish people believe that this isn't the final end of the world, but merely the end of history as we know it. After the end of days, the world will continue as usual with a big exception that there will be world peace.

Every major religion has some vision of the world as we know it ending. Even dead religions like North mythology. North mythology depicts the end of days as Ragnarok and old Norse term translatable as Twilight of the Gods. It will be heralded by a devastation known as the Fimble Veterner, which will seize Midgard and Cold and Darkness. The sun and moon will disappear from the sky and poison will fill the air. Dead will rise from the ground and it'll be widespread despair and on and on. You know, even Nimrod as predicted the end. You know, I was reading book of Nimrod chapter 666, verse 666, page 666. He says Nimrod will unleash both jangles upon humanity.

A great gerbil lizard thingy will spring forth from where his fourth leg will rest, and the great gerbil lizard thingy will poke the people of earth with giant sparklers that burn people, but not in a fatal way, but in a way that is super annoying and makes you kind of worried about getting an eye-poked out and you make you say things like, come on, stop it. And then Bojangles will piss RC cola upon the earth and it will be cool and refreshing at first and it will extinguish the sparklers and people will rejoice. But then even more RC cola will come out and it'll keep coming out and out and soon

we will all drown and the cola we thought was no longer being sold anymore, but still actually isn't some places if you're looking to write else. Seriously, I really see it sometimes and then in chapter 667, and the man says, get the fuck out of here. None of that shit is happening. Come on, it's crazy talk. Now get back to stopping puppies before I kill all of you. Seriously, a lot of apocalyptic beliefs out there. And you know how many have come true?

Like I said earlier, zero, exactly zero. So don't worry about the world ending. Not that any of you, you know, we're worried about that. But if a party was, stop it. Just stop it. We're about cancer. We're about crossing the street. Don't worry about army getting away.

Enjoy your time on Earth. Be humble enough to know. It's probably gonna keep spinning long after you or I are gone. Yeah, maybe some nuclear, nuclear war will happen and destroy all of us, but probably not. We just always wanna think it's our generation is gonna have the coolest or biggest or most devastation or whatever, but probably not, we're all insignificant.

None of us are major characters in some apocalyptic tale. We're not that important. You want an apocalypse fix? Read Stephen King's The Stand. I was speaking to Stephen King earlier, read that one. That's an excellent book about the end of times or for civilization.

Read The Walking Dead. Graphic novels, that's a little apocalyptic in its way. You know, with the zombie apocalypse, you know, they're better than the show, I think the books are, I do watch the show, I think it's gotten pretty good again too. But don't worry about ancient visions. Don't worry about what Nozodamus was shit talking. You know, they're not good for anything other than some very fun

entertainment, for exposing the insane thoughts of people like the Reverend Dr. Thunder. Well, I hope you had fun with this one. I hope I didn't get too heavy handed. Again, if you're a religious person, you know, this is just my opinion. You can sit there and think like, no, it's fucking true Dan, you just don't get it. And you know what, I don't know, I haven't been dead.

You're right, but it doesn't make sense to me. But again, I do love that we can all listen to things. I see the comments on iTunes especially, like, fun podcasts, don't necessarily agree with the thoughts, but really love it. That's perfect. That makes me almost happier than the ones who are just like everything's great.

I love being able to communicate with people who strongly disagree with me on some stuff. And then we can have fun with it. And there's a lot of fun stuff on this one. I especially liked the stuff I came across and the idiots of the internet. God, that made me laugh harder than I've laughed than a long time. And let's hit the highlights again

before we get out here with some top five takeaways. Time, suck, top five takeaways. Number one, even if you have a terrible doctor, they're not medieval terrible. Unless during your last checkup, they asked for a stool sample to stare at instead of examine under a microscope. Or said the best course of treatment

was to cover you in leaches and drain your blood. In that case, get a new doctor. Number two, nocturomas did not name Hitler in a prophecy. He named a German river, which, you know, a little bit different than a dictator. Number three, do not read the book of Revelation if you've just taken some hallucinogenic drugs unless you want to live inside a dragon and invest in nightmare my got. Number four, you can buy Alexander backman.com if and only if you're willing to spend $5,000 US.

And if your name is also exactly Alexander backman. And number five, new info. According to the New York Times in the days following the 9-11 attacks at the top search term on Google was no-strudamus. Wow, for a dude who batted zero, who got 0% of his prophecies right while making roughly a thousand of them, he has some serious name recognition long, long after his death. We should all be so lucky. Time, suck, tough, right, take shut. Tough, right takeaway.

Well, thanks, suckheads. For listening to some Doomsday prophecies this week, so many people still obsessed with Armageddon and the nonsensical quadrains of Notre-Dommies. Thanks to everyone at the Living Pod, curiously, burn it down and the gallows humor podcasts. I just was a guest on all of those recently. All are available to listen to wherever podcasts are downloaded. Man Central Florida tight with the podcast community game, a mediocre time with Tom and Dan really started something special there. And if you want to come check

out some of my stand up, I'll be the laughing school lounge in Atlanta, July 27th, 230th, and I'll be at the Tampa improv in E-Bor, August 3th through the 6th. And be sure to follow time, second social media. I will get those accounts going to get very soon, possibly by the time you're here in this, but very soon, my social media volunteer leaving for Europe and me for getting to change the accounts over will soon just be a laughable memory. And those are at TimeSuck podcast on Instagram, Twitter, slash TimeSuck podcast on Facebook. So again, this at TimeS suck podcast on Instagram and Twitter,

and then slash time suck podcast on Facebook. Friday's you'll be able to hear previews of next Monday's time sucks. If you follow time suck on those social media accounts, and some other cool stuff, I don't even want to mention now, because I don't want anyone expecting them soon. In case, it takes me a little bit to get them going. I take a few weeks, but I got some other good thoughts. Some fun things to do on there.

And you can spread this suck by sharing that little preview video by the way. And the next week we are sucking on the Texas Rangers. Very excited for that, for their insane tells of heroism, overall bad assery. Kicked off in the early 20th century is a group of citizen soldiers. The Texas Rangers protected American settlers

from Native Americans, clashed with Mexican soldiers at the border, transformed into an epic law enforcement agency in the late 19th century. Remember from a recent Bonnie and Clyde episode, it took a retired Texas Ranger Frank Hamer to track, catch, and kill Bonnie and Clyde, but no one else could get hold of them in the early 20th century. We'll examine some of the lives of men who stopped Wild West gunslingers, prevented presidential assassination attempts, and just did so much cool shit that, you know,

the living legend Chuck Norris, you know, decided to portray a Texas Ranger on TV because being a Texas Ranger is the only thing cooler than being Chuck Norris. So pretty impressive. I think it's a really positive, just fun episode. And keeps spreading the suck man, please, please do. Check out that sweet bow jangles tee made out of 213% imported, quala aina's treated with dribbles saliva for extra softness. Remember that those who suck together stay together and got to keep on suckin' everybody.

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