Timesuck with Dan Cummins - BONUS 4 - Scientology

Episode Date: March 31, 2017

Scientology. What do they believe? How did it begin? Who, exactly, was L Ron Hubbard? What appeal does it have for Tom Cruise? So much crazy revealed on this OT9, beyond clear, Sea Org edition of Timesuck.

When researching Scientology this week, I came across an article explaining the difference between a religion and a cult. It said, quote, a religion is an old cult. A cult is a new religious movement. And I think there's some truth in that. When the world's religions first came about, many people of the time, I'm sure saw them as cults. But that definition doesn't begin to address how sinister I believe the cult of Scientology to be. Dictionary.com defines cult a little better, my opinion, calling it, quote, a religion or sect considered to be false, unorthodox, or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader.

Google defines it a little better still. Quote a relatively small group of people having religious beliefs or practices regarded by others as strange or sinister. Strange and sinister. I think those adjectives are very apt when used to describe Scientology. To me, Scientology is like the neighborhood pedophile. Not that every neighborhood has one, I hope. But you know, it's like, you know, it's gonna give you

some ice cream. Only watch some cool movies, talk about how great you are, become your best, bestest friend in the whole world to you how special you are, no one else really understands it. And then one night, it's gonna stick its creepy finger in your brain hole and pretty soon, it's telling you about all the bad things that are gonna happen to you and your family

if you try to make it go away. Yep, just like a pedophile will molest your body, a cult or Scientology, it's gonna molest your mind. Harsh comparison? Yeah, definitely, well deserved. I think so. The more I researched this episode, the more I felt sure that was actually

a very fair comparison. This shit to me is way darker than the average religion. And you know how I feel about religion in general. Find out why I drop the fucking time suck hammer on Elrond's twisted dream in this scathing, not brainwashed, not clear episode of Time Suck. You're listening to Time Suckers. I hope you enjoy this bonus suckage as much as I enjoyed research and holy shit, man.

Big thanks to Time Sucker Casey Sadowski for recommending this topic via Twitter long time ago. Thanks to British Time Sucker Rebecca Pridmore for offering her help on this one. She was a, she met her husband, if I remember correctly, at a head of anti-scientology protest. I was gonna hit you up, Rebecca, but I ran out of time.

I just, I went overboard and do a true time suck of watching multiple documentaries, YouTube, interview clips, web articles, big fat book on this one. We're gonna suck Elron so hard today. We're gonna suck Tom Cruise a little bit. Gonna suck Scientology so good. I'm probably gonna get some scary emails.

And big thanks to you, listen right now, over 30 total episodes in the time of suck can. I think you're going stronger than ever. Thanks entirely to you. You guys stop listening. This stops happening. It's pretty simple and I'm so thankful that it's growing, that it's moving in the right direction.

Thanks to all of you who purchased the first generation of the TimeSoft T-shirt, sorry if you tried and we're unable to get one, we did sell out of a few sizes, but now we're restocked. And now it goes all the way up to five Excel to accommodate more love and time suckers who have a little more love to give.

And again, the shirts, like it says, on TimeSoftpodcast.com, they run a little small, so if you normally wear like a men's large, you know, get an Excel and so on. And I will post a pic, some of you have sent in wearing those to my Instagram at Dan Cammett's Comedy. Sorry, I haven't gotten back to any social media posts or emails that passed week. I have been buried between regular life responsibilities, touring, and then two episodes to research. And again, I probably went a little overboard on this one, just because I wish I would have just had a month just to stop my life and just learn everything I could

possibly learn about it so fascinating. Thanks to all of you who have been doing your Amazon shopping by clicking on the Amazon link at timesockpodcast.com, taking you back there and shopping like normally would. Thanks to those of you who donated this past week via PayPal, so generous, using the button on timesuckpodcast.com, and thanks to those who subscribed to the show, so you get each episode the second they come out. And so many wonderful reviews on iTunes and Stitcher, I'm blown away, continually by that. Already around 420, I think on iTunes. So move instead, lead towards that 500 review, Pablo, Motherfuck and Escobar bonus episode.

Some more bonus suck. Okay, and now before we get into it, time for me to eat some crow. Time for me to wipe a little pie off my face with some time sucker updates! Alright, those of you who heard last week's episode on Blackbeard know that I went off fairly hard on Chiquillo Neal. Really made fun of how dumb I thought he was for thinking how the earth was flat after he said that he believed that on a SWAT cast. Well, next week he admitted he was kidding, he was trolling us. Damn it, you got me, you big son of a bitch.

So the NBA flat earth all-star team is back down to only one member, Kyrie Irving, as far as I know. Time suckers will, Mick Garrett, Terry Patterson, others pointed that out to me. Thank you for that. Also, Time Sucker, God, I just got another one from Jordan, Jordan Kassousik, also pointed that out to me. So, yep, sorry, sorry, Shaq, please do not hurt me, I went a little hard there. Another one, just one more update, not gonna spend much time on the update, said this week, because I know you sent a lot in, but there's just too much Scientology to dig into.

I'm chomping the fucking bit to get into it. A time sucker named Kevin and Boise, Brad out in Pittsburgh, and others let me know that there has been a recent Sasquatch sighting, very near to me. In my beautiful home state of Idaho, on March 22nd, an unidentified 50-year-old woman from the town of Tensd, Idaho, Little North Idaho town, just over 100 people in the Corte lane Indian reservation. That was originally random trivia, named TEMSID. But then the post office misspelled it as TENST.

And I guess the residents were just like, ah, fuck it. Whatever. We'll go with TENST. We don't care. We're just trying to stay off the grid out here in North Idaho. Well this woman claimed Bigfoot caused her to her car to crash. She claims that Bigfoot, around eight feet tall, was chasing a deer along highway 95 near Potlatch, Idaho, and then the deer ran in front of her car and she hit it.

And I love that she chose to remain unnamed for the paper, for the interview. As if the hundred other residents of tents can't figure out who's claiming bigfoot wrecked their car. There's probably no more than three 50-ish year-old women intense and I'm guessing only one of them had their car wrecked last week. So you know that's who's talking about bigfoot. Apparently the woman was unenjured, kept driving to pick up her husband from work and then drove over to the Benoit County Sheriff's Office to report the accident. I've been her husband put her up to it. He's probably pissed at the car with smashed up just what what I tell you about keeping your eyes peeled for deer Nancy? How many times have I told you

slow down your reflexes or shit your eyes are going just slow down. I don't know why he's that southern he just moved Idaho from Georgia. She was like don't you yell at me Donald Henry. That's what you call him when she's really mad. Don't don't you yell at me Donald Henry. That's what she's calling when she's really mad. Don't you yell at me Donald Henry. I was watching for deer but this was different. Bigfoot. Chase a deer on the road. Are you are you off your goddamn man's woman? What are you talking about? Bigfoot. I saw him. He's the reason the car's messed up. All right, March. Well you know what? Let's talk to the police then. If you're if that's your story. Let's go file a goddamn police report on Bigfoot.

That's what you're gonna fucking tell me happened to your car. You know, and then her head, she was like, oh shit, I didn't think you'd go this far. But she was sick of Don riding her ass, and now we have a new story. And now we are also done with this week's Time Sucker Updates. Thanks, time suckers. I need a net. We all did. Alright time suckers for this episode.

I relied heavily on the wonderful journalistic breakdown of Scientology I Read, a former Amazon.com Best Nonfiction book of the Year, a San Francisco Chronicle Top 10 book of the Year, Inside Scientology by contributing Rolling Stone Editor Janet Wrightman. Two weeks ago, I'm walking around with a G-Hot Academy book and now I'm walking around with a book called Inside Scientology that looks like the book a Scientologist would carry around. God, I have been weirding people out lately, more than usual. People with local Starbucks I go to do some of my research but I think I'm fucking insane. So thanks to some of you time suckers for pointing me towards this book. I saw the Facebook posts.

I also watched a new documentary, some of you mentioned, and select theaters now called My Scientology Movie, with Louis Thoreau, a BBC journalist, I watch Going Clear, The Scientology Doc on HBO, and I also watch the Secrets of Scientology, which was the 2010 BBC just one hour special produced by Panorama. So good. I highly recommend watching that hour long program.

It's just right there for free on YouTube. And I also went to dionetics.org, the gateway into Scientology itself, and I watched their intro sales pitch video, which is auto plays if you go to that website. I've transcribed it for you, and I think breaking it down is a perfect way to start this time-suck. Do you know someone who has never really recovered from a serious loss in life, or a traumatic experience, and then it shows like a dad slapping some sudden to the ground, or in your day-to-day life, do you sometimes experience self-doubts,

negative thoughts, unreasonable fears, upsets, or irrational behaviors? The painful experiences of our past clearly have an effect on our present behavior. But to what degree and why? What causes the mind to depart from rational thought or behavior? That is the subject of dionetics. Shit, at this point I have to admit, I'm intrigued. I know they're crazy, but this commercial is still hook him in a little bit. I'm like, huh, who's fucking I do, I think of those things. Every moment of your life, your mind is recording everything that's happening to you, every sight, every sound, every taste, smell, pain, emotion, touch, everything.

Is it everything? I feel like my mind recorded might be broken because I forget a lot of shit. I can't usually remember what I had for dinner two nights ago. I have to really think hard about what day the trash is supposed to go out each and every week, even though it's always the same day. There is no way in hell I could ever recall some insignificant event from 10 years ago.

I think people just fucking think they're remembers yet that never happened. Anyway, back to the script. These recordings form what is called the time Track, a consecutive record of all the experiences you've accumulated throughout your existence. Your mind uses this information to make decisions and solve problems relating to your survival. The better its decisions, the better you survive. Most of this data is stored in your analytical mind.

That part of your mind thinks, remembers, and calculates. But some of your experiences are not recorded into those analytical memory banks. It is a discovery of dionetics that all of your painful experiences are stored in a previously unknown part of the mind. It's called the reactive mind. And it throws those experiences back at you in an irrational attempt to get you to avoid that painful thing from happening to you again. How the fuck do you know any of that to be true? Did a neurosurgeon write this book? Did a cognitive behavior specialist, a psychiatrist perhaps? No, a fucking science fiction author who failed his entrance exam to the Naval Academy, a dude who was placed on academic probation

at George Washington University, where he studied civil engineering and then dropped out after a couple years. No med school, no formal study of the mind, no psychology, no psychiatry, fucking nuts on this lunatic, to assert his audacious claims. Here's a simple and common example. At some point, you've probably gotten sick from eating tainted food. Later in life, if you see or smell, or possibly even think about that particular food again, you start to feel a little nauseous. Now you know that logically the mere sight or smell or thought of a food can't physically

make your body ill, because you haven't actually eaten it again. Yet, your experience in the same sick feeling that you had before, this is your reactive mind. Making you re-experience the same perceptions it recorded in that earlier incident, in a crude attempt to protect you from what it believes is a dangerous situation. It reacts solely on stimulus response basis and below your awareness. If it reacts below our awareness, how with some pulp fiction author able to be aware of it in the first place? Get the fuck out of here with this pseudo science bullshit. The painful experiences hidden in your reactive mind are the cause of your fears, insecurities, negative thoughts, unwanted emotions, and irrational behavior.

You've been accumulating these deeply buried experiences throughout your existence. In fact, the most damaging among them occurred before you were born. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Our most traumatic memories occurred before we were born. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Our most traumatic memories occurred before we were born. And you know that how? Did an alien tell you that in a dream? Did an illuminati space lizard float down from their thought control base in the moon

and whisper that into your lunatic ear? I love religious experts presenting other nonsense as scientific fact. Dianetics reveals how those negative experiences are stored. Oh, it sure does. Oh, it does. It gets into some fantastically imaginative and nonsensical sci-fi for that goobly-gook. And contains a technology to free yourself from them.

Oh, you mean the e-reader? A dollar store lie detector test used to get people to confess shameful secrets to possibly blackmail with them, then with later. What would life be like if all the pain you've experienced no longer affected your abilities, emotions, and behavior? Now that is a sales pitch man. I will say religions and cults have the best fucking sales pitches. Want to live forever? Want to have a bunch of women up in heaven? Just sign up. Give it to chunk of your income for the rest of your life and it's done deal. Want to no longer experience pain, want to totally control your own decency, want to never get sick, want to have superhuman strength, want to have

laser shoot out of your dick, want to fly around in the golden dragon, just drink the coolade. You would think and behave rationally, make the best possible decisions relating to your survival. You would be able to utilize your imagination and creativity to the fullest. You would be confident, more intelligent, more productive, and happier. Again, with the fantastic, totally unrealistic sales pitch

that praise on everyone's desire for some magic shortcut that's gonna get them in head life. You want a bigger dick? Want a bench press 500 pounds tomorrow? Want a literally shit, $100 bills every time you defecate? Just drink the Kool-Aid. Just take the joint now pill, throw it down. It's all possible if you just believe. You would be yourself free to enjoy life

and reach your fullest potential. In short, your mind would be yourself free to enjoy life and reach your fullest potential. In short, your mind would be clear. That is the goal of dionetics. People achieve this state every day. And so can you. You know, no wonder they hate psychiatry, vehemently. It's their direct competition, right? But unlike them, it relies on actual, you know, scientific knowledge, gained through careful experimentation

taught at medical school while they get to just coast on some some fiction. Why does anyone buy this? Why would people join and stay in an abusive manipulative cult? Why do some people stay in an abusive or stay with an abusive manipulative partner? They're not strong enough to stand up for themselves. They don't feel like they're worthy of something better. They don't truly understand how they deserve to be treated. The human ability to rationalize irrational nonsense

is powerful. Now, Scientology has started to signology, it means the study of truth. I think the study of half-truths and bullshit is a more apt description. Scientology, they get really defensive about criticism. They feel like they're the victims of a smear campaign. And are they, fuck, yes, fuck, yes.

It's just not an innocent smear campaign. Calling yourself a religion shouldn't protect you from criticism and investigation. If anything, it opens you up to it. And when you are as controlling and corrupt as Scientology blatantly appears to be, you're gonna see this in this episode, especially if you're unaware of Scientology,

you should be vehemently criticized. It's what you fucking deserve, right? If I suddenly made up some crazy sci-fi shit, came up with the church in Nimrod, where where Nimrod is the creator of the universe, who also happens to be a giant space sass watch, the size of a galaxy with the head of a chubacabra, who rides a black unicorn with flaming sons for eyes. And Nimrod demands that I stomp the skull of a cocker spaniel flat once a month to prove my obedience to him. So I am worthy of living forever in his Nirvana ball sack, which is where heaven is. One of his balls is the alpha, the other ball is the omega.

And all of a sudden you show up in my door, find a bunch of dead puppies with smashed in heads and call the police. I don't get to legitimately claim to be the victim of some kind of religious persecution when the police show up. No, I'm a fucking maniac. Who should be arrested? Who should be stopped for being a maniac? And they're very sensitive to being called a cult.

If it's not a cult, they should be able to handle some criticism. If it's not a cult, I think a current leader, David Miscavige would make public appearances. Give interviews. If it's not a cult, they wouldn't cut people out who leave the church away from their families, never talk to them anymore. They wouldn't charge you for information, you wouldn't have to pay to level up.

And by the way, if you did it this week, I felt guilty about not paying any attention to my dog, like Benny the last guy lays my puppy. And so I've allowed her, I've taken off her little dangle-dangle collar that makes a lot of noise and I'm testing her, seeing how cool she can be with hanging around the podcast for a little bit and of course out of her roughly a hundred toys She finds the fucking squeakiest one to chew on in the background like a dickhead She's doing it on purpose. She's a subvert. She's a subversive Person what is it called? Suppressive. That's the negative people in Scientology's a suppressive puppy right now. But anyway, if you hear that,

I apologize. That's what it is. Hopefully, it's not a big deal. Hopefully, you're not like, fuck this podcast. I can't handle occasional puppy squeaks. How does Scientology get here, though? You know, what really does it mean to believe in Scientology? Well, to find all this out. Let's go back to the beginning. This totally is a history podcast, by the way. I finally completely accepted that. And now, let's get into some history. It's time for a time-suck timeline. Shrap on those boot soldiers.

We're marching down a time-suck timeline. ["Suck Tide Line"] All right, 1911. This is all about El Ron Hubbard. 1911 El Ron Hubbard is born as Ron Hubbard. He added the L later, untilton Nebraska, on March 13, 1911. His father, Harry Ross Hubbard. Oh, Hub.

Served with the Navy. Old Hub was a Navy, Navy badass. He was promoted to Lieutenant. In 1921, the family moved to, they made it a ton. They relocated almost annually to posts while Elrond or well if Ron I'm gonna come fucking Elrond. That's somebody gets it goes by later to posting Guam San Diego Seattle Washington DC etc And Elrond grew up to listen to his father and his dad's friends Telling tales of naval adventure man naval adventure. This is important that he's you heard about that a lot as a kid

Because it gets replayed as things often do in his adult life later. He wrote down crazy tales of childhood and military adventure in his journal, growing up that never fucking happened. Tales backed up by nothing, not only backed up by nothing but sometimes completely refuted by actual documented things that happened. They don't line up with military records of where he was, you know, at that point in his life. He tended to project himself into tales of heroism.

You know, his protagonist, you know, you just started writing early, or often red-headed heroes. Ordinary men thrust into extraordinary action, sailors, spies, soldiers of fortune, had a wild imagination even as a kid. Well, Elron, 1929, 19 1929 he joined, tries to join the US Naval Academy and Annapolis and is rejected. He flunks out on the math portion

of the entrance exam, can't pass the physical due to near-sightedness. 1930 he enrolls in George Washington University to study civil engineering. It doesn't do well because put on academic probation poor grades doesn't apply himself. 1931 the summer after his freshman year he earns a commercial glider license fascinated with a concept of motorless flight and enrolls gives himself a new nickname Elron Flash Hubbard seriously because by for a brief time it's Flash Hubbard as well. I love it got a commercial glider license by the way I did a little research it Turns out that was easier to get than a motorized plane license. I feel like a commercial glider license compared

to a regular aviation license at time is like roller blades compared to a skateboard. It's like, okay, you're good at roller blades, but it still sucks in a bad way compared to a skateboarding. Not as cool, not as cool. And I say that as a former older plater. It's always one of the sources of shame in my life. I was actually in the flash garden.

I actually roamed this random trivia with a dude named Flash Gordon. His real name was Flash Gordon. And he was every bit as fucking weird as you would think someone would be whose name was Flash Gordon. And I checked every bit as fucking weird as you would think someone would be whose name was Flash Gordon. And I checked because when he was like 19, I was going to Gonzaga and his dude shows up. It was one of the weird situations where we lost one of our friends to move out and then

the landlord was like, well, you got to get somebody else and just without even fucking running the bias, just like started sending kids over or advertising it. And we get this dude showing up and says, yeah'm flash Gordon I was like get the fuck out of here like I refuse to believe him shows me his driver's license it's not like a nickname his little first name was slash and his last name was Gordon and apparently he grew up on some weird compound of course you do when you're fucking flash Gordon anyway 1932 Elron drops out of college also meets his future wife his first future wife P, flying enthusiast at

a Maryland airfield, tries his hand at freelance journalism, but soon gives that up for a career in pulp fiction. Quickly written mass-market action-packed stories popular over the time, many of which were ongoing, kind of an early entertainment precursor to television, 1933, Elron, he finds some successful pulp fiction. He's able to crank out enough stories to pay his bills, Elrond, he finds some successful fiction. He's able to crank out enough stories to pay his bills. He's able to pay him a penny per word. He's able to write within a variety of genres,

which I think kind of plays into his ability to create religion later. He can do westerns, detective stories, war stories, tales of exotic adventure, even romance. Like he is constantly cranking out stories. He's training his brain constantly to make up shit. That's like the number one thing in his life. Really good at pumping out a lot of entertaining fiction

at a fast pace. Yeah, that's gonna, that's gonna, again, that's gonna help him get his greatest work of fiction Scientology going later. 1934, he joined the fiction guild in New York City, a group of about 300 fiction authors living in New York City, a group of about 300 Fiction authors living in New York City, gains a reputation among them for being a fantastic storyteller. Also gains a reputation for being full of shit.

Another writer in Pierre Frank Goober, Groober, Goober. I don't know why that may be laugh so hard. Mr. Goober, Mr. Goober. A Goober party of one. He wrote in his memoir that one day a young 20 something Elron was holding court with other writers. So he's, you know, he's at this fucking meeting with other writers and he's regaling them

with tales of adventures, probably wearing a fucking sailor's hat like he wore later in life, like a douchebag. He's talking about his fucking tales. And Frank said, I love that he began writing them down. But, you know, because like there was just so many outlandish tales and he knew he always told stories where he did this for six years. He was in the US Marines for seven years. He was an Amazon explorer for four years. He was a big game hunter in Africa for three years and just on and on and on. And he said by the end of that particular get together, he asked Toronto he was 83 years old.

And when I was like, well, 83, he's like, well, that's how old you'd have to be. To have done everything you just claimed. I can love the quality on it. And I guess Elrond was super butt hurt about that. It was very sensitive, was another one that was called secreticism. Did not appreciate being called out. But yeah, he's a pathological liar. And I have many people who do that. If you familiar with my standup, you know, I did that bit a bit about Rick slapping salmon, punching bears. And I worked with a lady years ago, this counseling center called her name was season. Why did I just say that?

You know, I didn't say her last name and I didn't say where it worked. So fuck it, I'm not gonna cut that out. I don't ever cut anything out of these by the way. I'd do it virtually, no editing, which I like, seems more honest. But anyway, this lady, who may have been named season, she probably made that up too.

She would do that. I remember Jelko and the other counselors, it was at this group home, she was the cook, and she just fucking made up so many things, just made up so many, like obviously, because she was a truck driver for 10 years, and then she was a teacher for 15 years, but it was like a lot of careers

that couldn't happen simultaneously, like supposedly this full time, this full time, like whatever you brought up or if you brought up somebody did something, she did that for several years. Anyway, 1935, 1936, Elrond tries his hand at screenwriting in Hollywood and moving there in 1935, and he does write the Saturday Mornings serial adaptation, The Secret of Treasure Island, but that's all he gets. And you know, and you can't pay his Los Angeles bills with just, you know, the secret of Treasure Island, but that's all he gets. And you know, you can't pay his Los Angeles bills with just, you know, the one thing in two years. And then

so he moves to go live near his parents just outside of Seattle in 1936, tries right in a novel, also begins to study marketing. Apparently he tells his wife, Polly, quote, I have high hopes of smashing my name into history so violently that it will take legendary form. That goal is the real goal as far as I'm concerned. Whoa, well, you know, mission accomplished buddy. You certainly did that. 1939, Elrond is sick of cranking out DimeStore Western and adventure stories to be instant to focus on a newly popular fictional genre, sci-fi, and he's fucking good at it. The new young editor of the now popular astounding science fiction

magazine, John Campbell, loves him, nurtures his talents, and soon his stories fill the magazine's pages. 1941, World War II. It's breaking out, Elron again tries to join the Navy this time, he's accepted, you know, on July 19th, 1941, he's commissioned as a junior grade lieutenant in the Naval Reserve. You know, I guess with the advent of World War II, there's a little less concern with the nearest-sidedness, you know. They're going to take a wider swath of recruits. Later, Scientologists would paint Elrond as a master mariner and a fearless war hero. An image Elrond carefully cultivated himself.

When in fact, never saw a single battle. Not one. Was relieved of Helming a submarine chaser that he got to like fucking, you know, be in charge of for like a month when he accidentally ended up in Mexican waters, didn't realize he was in Mexican waters. And then just, you know, without getting authorization, just starts to use the Los Coronados Islands

for some target practice. After that, he hangs out in a fucking cargo ship. 1945, Elrón ends up like many veterans in Los Angeles after the war meets an eccentric dude named Jack Parsons. Jack was a self-taught chemist, which sounds incredible to me. A literal rocket scientist who is the leader of a new rocket program at the California Institute of Technology, Caltech, Parsons was also an eccentric who dabbled in the occult. He was a devotee of British Black Magician, Aleister Crawley, aka the Great Beast, a future time suck episode, I'm sure.

Parsons came from a wealthy family, had lots of money, was woody and sophisticated, love-throwing decking at parties for his artistic friends that included partner swapping, and Romanesque orgies, crazy shit for the American 1940s. And Parsons had turned his 11 bedroom LA estate into this kind of artist compound, calling it the Parsonage. Get the fuck outta here. Jack was a sci-fi fan,

and he was very familiar with Elron's stories from his astounding science days before the war. So he meets Ron just by chance, lets Ron live there, becomes enamored with Elron, and now Elron begins wearing a military suit. This is when he first started students after the war, like in regular life. He's got some extra medals pinned on there.

He's got himself. And he's the storyteller, just kind of like he was back at the writers fucking group in New York. You know, he's telling his stories, all these crazy tales of military adventure that never fucking happened, but presented them as facts. Stuff like as recounted later by another person,

just a personage guest, quote, narrowly escaping from Japanese occupied Java by taking off on a raft after suffering bullet wounds and broken bones in his feet. He really is like fucking Rick, man. Just slapping salmon, just punching some bears. Oh my God, apparently Elrond also, I'm so fast about a personality type.

Just to say the crazy shit and present just utter nonsense as complete fact. Who fucking does that? I'll run Hubbard does that apparently. He also, this is very worth mentioning. Supposedly tells a resident named Nyson Himmel, an LA reporter who was hanging out at the parts of the day in those days. A guy who would go on to have a fantastic

journalistic career in LA covering every major crime in the city for decades, including the Black dolly murder. Well, he tells Nissen and some others that he wanted to start a religion. He was very interested in starting a religion, which actually doesn't, isn't as weird as it sounds for that time and place. In the 1920s and 30s, and then going into the 40s, various new spiritual movements had popped up in LA, stuff like the theosypists, the mighty I.M.,

the Church of Divine Science, the yoga-inspired Vandanta Society. So, you know, it wasn't unprecedented for the area. 1946, Elrond convinces Jack Parsons to invest in a vague new company with him, allied enterprises, where he and Jack will just kind of come up with stuff. Just come up with some cool shit, just some business ideas,

just whatever pops into their business brains, and they'll share the profit. You know, it's 50-50, other than Jack is supposed to put up 21,000, and Elron comes up with 1,200. So it's kind of like a 50-50, if you just fucking, you know, more like a 90, 10, like a 90, 10, 50, 50 split. And then Elron takes Jack's money. He takes his girlfriend, heads to Miami for the business venture, buying a few luxury boats and then sailing the back to L.A. to sell a big profit.

Because that sounds reasonable. Hey man, I'm just going to you, me and your girlfriend. It must have been a smooth talker. Or this person's guy was a fucking moron. to LA to sell it a big profit. Cause that sounds reasonable. Hey man, I'm just gonna, you mean your girlfriend. It must have been a smooth talker. Or this person's guy was a fucking moron. I was a, a mean your girlfriend are just gonna go, we're just gonna go, take the money you just gave me for our business. We're gonna go to Miami for a while.

We're gonna get to know the yacht people. We're gonna get a yacht. We're gonna float around the yacht. So you know, to fucking seem like, you know, like we know what we're doing. Then we're gonna get these yachts. We're gonna sail them slowly back. Just mean your girlfriend on a yacht Just gonna sail them back over to Los Angeles, and we're gonna sell for a lot of money How the fuck do you not be like whoa? Wait, hey wait a minute you you my girlfriend I'm not gonna come but you guys are gonna go you're gonna be on a boat, just you guys on a boat together.

When I'm not there, it's harder to track people, and you're gonna use my money for to sail on a boat with my girlfriend. Okay, that seems good, that seems like a good business plan. Well, Elron goes full boats in host, of course he does, and he just stays. He stays, and he marries jacks girl sarin or throw uh... even though he still technically married to his first wife poly

uh... you know he thought come on bro that's not the allied enterprises way and uh... jack doesn't he doesn't care for it and he gets a court injunction to prevent elrond from at least leaving the country on board the boat he's paid for with his fucking girlfriend and uh... and elrond pays him back to the money to prevent being sued when litigation is threatened and uh... and this is the guy who's going to start a new religion pathological liar who steals from his friend stills girlfriends

a big amissed awesome nineteen forty nine chronic storyteller elrond of the ronald has decided to tackle yet another genre self-help and let us in on january thirteen nineteen forty nine, from Elron to his literary agent, Forest Ackerman. The Ronald jokes his new book will be so powerful. Readers will be able to quote, this is his quote, rape women without their knowing it and communicate suicide messages to enemies in their sleep. That's a weird reference. That's a weird reference.

That's a weird angle for that joke. I mean, I kind of get the killing your enemies in their sleep, you know, for some kind of military angle. Why the raping? Why do you have to go over the rape there? I guess, you know, I guess that's just, you know, that's just Ronald being Ronald. That's just classic Elron.

It's fucking killing it with some rape jokes. Also in 1949, Elron sends a manuscript for what will become Dianetics, book one of Scientology to the APA, the American Psychological Association, to get their mental health endorsement. And they were basically like, oh, fucking no.

And his old sci-fi editor, John Campbell, though, loves the new book, becomes its biggest initial promoter, Dianetics, by the way, is based on the Greek works of Diameting, mind, and Nuss, I guess, is through that, so initial promoter, Dianetics, by the way, is based on the Greek works of Diameting. Mind, and Nuss, I guess, is through that, so through the mind, Dianetics. Solotidal, actually. Gotta give him some credit there.

John Campbell wrote in his editor's letter in the December issue of astounding science fiction, quote, it's an article on the science of the human mind, of human thought. Its power is almost unbelievable. Uh-huh. I'm gonna say it's completely unbelievable. Campbell wrote this after an early dionetic session

with Elrond, where Elrond had hypnotized him. Yeah, hypnotized him. Elrond had studied hypnosis in the 1940s. I didn't know that. And he fucking hypnotized his dude, fed him a bunch of dionetics shit and do a subconscious mind while he's being hypnotized. Now he's a believer, of course he is.

Look, if a comedy hypnotist, some shitty comedy hypnotist, can I say that, can get someone at a comedy club to believe there are chicken dance around? I think Elrond can get someone to believe he's discovered a psychological breakthrough. The power of subliminal suggestion is a real thing. Well, Elrond starts hypnotizing others.

Feed him is his self-help pseudo-science, a scientific breakdown of the mind by someone who didn't possess the scientific acumen to make it into the fucking naval academy. Okay, 1950. Diagnetics is published for the first time on May 9th, 1950 by Hermitage House under the title of Diagnetics, the Modern Science of Mental Health, and check out its opening statement. This is how the book fucking kicks off. The creation of Diagnetics is a milestone for man comparable to his discovery of fire and

superior to his inventions of the wheel and the arch. Ah! Ah! The balls on this guy. Hey everybody, remember how long time ago we discovered fire? Remember the thing that allowed us to start cooking our food and have light in the darkness and stay warm in the winter and create kilns to produce tools and have an

industrial revolution someday. Well, this is the new fire, okay? Okay. All right, this is the new fire, guys. Yeah, that's what it is. It is. Dynetics is the new fire. And I love how while Dynetics is equal to fire, it's better than the wheel and the arch.

Like those two comparisons were brought up by somebody. Like an early person here and it's like, ah, the new fire, awesome, over on that great job dude. Man, it's like, dyinetic, it's even as good as the wheel. And Elrond was like, what the fuck did you just say? What the fuck did you just say to me? I said it was as good as the invention of the wheel. The thing that allowed us to travel faster than by horseback. That's what

I said. I just said that it's a thing that allowed us to till fields with something more powerful than a hoe. The shape that made modern mechanics possible. And then Elrond was like, it's better than the fucking wheel, Donnie. God damn it, you shit bird. I said it was a new fucking fire. That's right. Said fire beats will you jerk. And someone else was like, well, I think it's as good as the invention of the arch, Ron. I do. I really do. I think it's as good as arch. I think it's as good as the thing that gave us some architectural masterpieces, like the church St. Peter, Colosseum. And then Elrond was like, what the fuck is with you assholes? First Donnie with his wheelbullshit. And now you with the fucking arch, Nadine, it's better than the arch.

Alright, for the last time you guys, it's the new fire. Now shut the fuck up and let me hypnotize you until you get it. And Dynetics marketed itself as a new, better alternative to traditional therapy and psychiatry. Remember when the APA turned him down? Well, now he's like, fuck you guys. You wouldn't let me join your club? Well, I'm gonna burn it down then. And to this day, Scientologists are vehemently opposed to psychology and psychiatry.

Dynetics gave 1950s a better sales pitch than psychology and psychiatry did. They told you the mind was, you know, complex. You know, that's what psychology and psychiatry were saying that the there was all these neurosis. There were deeply rooted. It could be hard to cure sometimes, you know, just like someone can be born physically damaged. You know, just like someone can be born physically damaged, you know, a hand for example, or be blind, you could also be mentally damaged. You could be born with various psychiatric conditions.

They couldn't be completely cured. You know, but could be managed with psychotropic drugs, such as, you know, being bipolar. Well, Scientology came along, was like, nah, nah, fuck that. The mind is super simple. Just a simple machine has a main processor. The analytical mind takes in stimuli, sound smells,

tactile sensations, et cetera stores them in various file cabinet-like places, painful and traumatic stimuli. They create a mental scar tissue and endgram. And those endgrams can become a glitch in the computer causing it not to work as well. And to get you better, to get you going 100%, we just need to get rid of those endgrams. Painful stored memories, many of which El Ron said,

you experienced, you know, before even being born, and the only way to get rid of those is to be audited. The Scientology equivalent of a therapy session. Confess all of your traumas in an auditing session, purge them out of your mind, and then just become undamaged, become the most productive version of yourself. It's easy.

Just shit out bad memories, and you keep the good ones. Ta-da! Well, people in general like simple solutions. productive version of yourself. It's easy. Just shit out bad memories and you keep the good ones. Well, people in general like simple solutions. I think it's why politicians use them. You know, let's take our country back. These colors don't run. You know, who cares if they're childishly simplistic, don't always make sense. They're fun to say, they make people saying them, feel like they get it, like they have some important answers that they needed. And unlike expensive therapy, dynex was cheap also, in addition to having the answers, you know, all you had to do is buy a special book, you know, you had to buy the new fire.

It's only four bucks. You don't have to go to a bunch of therapy for years, just four bucks of fire. Well, only four bucks at first. But then Elron starts teaching others how to do auditing sessions. And then soon, a five week Dynetics course is offered for 500 bucks. Now, this is at a time when an hour

with psychiatrists cost 10 bucks. But unlike psychiatry again, Dianetics promised to cure you solid sales pitch. Well as you can imagine peer reviews of the book were not glowing writer Jack Williamson, a prolific 20th century sci-fi author who actually coined the term genetic engineering one of his books, set of Dianetics. To me it looked like a lunatic revision of Freudian psychology. Sci-fi author, legend of sci-fi, Isaac Asimov said, I considered it gibberish. All right, that's a solid review. And check out this review in the new Republic by physician Martin Gumpert.

I must confess, I have never been confronted by such a bold and im modest mixture of complete nonsense and perfectly reasonable common sense, taken from long acknowledged findings and disguised and distorted by a crazy newly invented terminology. Most revolting is the repeated claim of exactitude and of scientific experimental approach for which every trace of evidence is lacking. The author lives continuously on borrowed concepts, though at the same time he attacks them most ungraciously and ungratefully. And he did borrow a lot of his concepts from the book.

I think this is an interesting bit of research. The first edition of Dynetics thanked Freud and Crowe Young, among other mental health pioneers for the work that he built upon. But then in later editions, he just removed that. He just refused to acknowledge his sources. Because now he's not trying to just promote a self-help book. Soon, he's promoting himself as a leader

of a new religious movement, fucking cult. Also, in 1950, Elrond hits a lecture circuit, promoting his mental health care nation, wide, kinda like some snake oil, you know, peddler. And remember, this is a man with zero formal education mental health, no college degree in anything. He's a fucking fiction writer, now posing as a mental health revolutionary.

One of the many, many reasons I can't take Scientology seriously. And look, maybe the founders of the major religions such as Christianity and Islam don't have backgrounds anymore credible than Elrond But here's the big difference to me. We can't go back and point to government records that prove like you know Jesus or Muhammad or we're full of shit if they were you know, there's no records There's no records. You just have faith that it's true or you don't it's just you know It's a completely personal decision based entirely just on belief we can

So completely personal decision based entirely just on belief. We can absolutely prove Elron Hubbard is full of shit. That's a major difference to me. You can't watch YouTube videos of Jesus explaining why he's actually the son of God. You know, take him in some questions, do a little Q&A. We can watch videos, many videos of Elron, where you can see him and just think, get the fuck out of here. Or I guess if you're a Scientologist, think, yeah, no, that sounds right.

Mm-hmm. Okay, 1951. By the beginning of 1951, Hubbard is making a tremendous amount of money for the time off the sales of his new book and Auditing Centers are springing up all over the place, promising people to get clear, free from all those pesky end-grams. He's living it up, he's having an affair

with a 20-year-old college student who joined the dyonetics revolution. Of course he is. Whatever, because he had no prior experience operating a big business for the multiple employees and locations, he spends more than he makes in dynex. Almost goes away before he gets started. His new movement goes bankrupt. Also in 1951, Elrond would divorce his wife, Sarah and abandoned his baby daughter Alexis Alexis forever He would then deny being her father years later when she tried to reconnect with him when she was 21 Saying sorry babe. I'm a total piece shit really focused on deceiving people out of millions and grow minds saying cult to the moment and Fucking around with my young my young girlfriend Okay, didn't say that but he did abandon his daughter and

And then he focused on his second Scientology book, The Science of Survival. And he had to, man, he went bankrupt, he had to get some of that cult money rolling in. So, 1952, Elrond contacts the remaining roughly 80, only 80 dineticists tells him he has some new info to share with them. He introduces the e-meter, that famous Scientology device the church has used ever since to audit people. Basically, it's a rudimentary lie detector test used to detect Memories with emotional charges. That's how he finds those those pesky angrams man Now dienetics is a science according to him 1951

Is the year the term Scientology emerges the study of knowledge and now check out the shit Elrond claims that while dienetics allows you to truly know how the human mind operates Scientology with this new emitter and this new book, it allows you to know the human soul. Man, that's a fucking sequel. You thought the first movie was good. First movie just fixes your brain. Second movie, fucking soul repaired.

Man, this is a new fire. He's doubling down. You didn't think fire was big enough? Well, we just went fucking nuclear motherfuckers for part two. All right, well, Elron, you tell everyone that the soul is the Thetan. Saying Theta means life and in itself a being separate from your physical body.

And Thetans, according to Elron, according to the Ronald, had existed for eons. Floating through space, using physical bodies as shells before discarding them and finding a new form. These beings, these statins, man, they created the whole universe themselves. And it gets even crazier.

After a while, for some reason, these statins, they get trapped in their own creation. Throughout the years, throughout the whole track, as Howard called it, they'd been implanted with a variety of positive and negative experiences and thoughts and eventually came to believe their original universe creating power was lost. Oh man, what a bummer! And the goal of Scientology, Elrond said, was to restore that power. That's good, that's noble. And you do this by auditing people with the emitter. Does that make sense? If you're confused right now, that's perfect.

It means you're not and probably will never be a Scientologist. It doesn't make sense because this fucking nonsense is the fictional ramblings of a delusional maniac. How do people sell this shit to other adults? Wasn't anyone like, run, how did you know any of this to be true? Really, Donnie? Why, you just don't fucking get it, dude. First, the wheel comparison, now the shit.

1952, Hubbard also found the Hubbard Association of Scientologists, a training facility, book publisher, an exclusive seller of e-meters. He's growing the brand, taking full ownership of it. No, Scientology middlemen. No one to be like, I don't fucking know about this. I do kind of like that. I do understand that. Also in 1952, Hubbard marries for the third time.

The other two marriages being done now. To a 19-year-old beauty, Mary Sue Whip, who was enamored with Elron and his ideas. Mary also didn't have a reputation among early Scientologists for being a big thinker. She's 19, Hubbard is 41. He met her the year before, and she was barely legal. Huh, what kind of 30 plus year old man consistently dates

women just barely old enough to be adults? Some with a huge fucking ego, who doesn't like being bothered with the types of questions some with more life experience would ask. Questions like who told you about the themes? How do you actually know any of this is true? What's the phrase a cult leader? Early followers claim Elron was magnetic that he was extremely charismatic. Also in 1952 Elron completely rewrote his own biography creating the mythical version

of himself as if he were a character in one of his earlier works of pulp fiction. Started telling people he was, he'd been walking the earth like Cain and Kung Fu, hanging out with some monks in Asia, volunteering in psychiatric hospitals to learn about the human mind, cure and veterans of what we'd now call PTSD. He didn't do any of that. Ninety-Virtue-Three. Elron is back to franchising during his second go with Scientology. Scientology centers being open around the country,

but this time he takes a different approach to marketing, doesn't advertise it as a cheaper alternative therapy, advertise it as being more expensive, because the secrets they teach are that good. Pretty genius, really, people want what they can't have. Also, this time around, he sold the book to whoever wanted it. Again, the first time he sold the book to whoever wanted it and let them become auditors, let them open their own independent, dynec centers. Then he couldn't make money off of, well, fool me once, motherfuckers. You're not getting into this time around. He knew the best way

to make this second version of the brand was to make it more than therapy, make it a religion, in a letter to an early associate, Elrond said he wanted to work, quote, the religion angle. He went on to say, it's, quote, a matter of practical business. He fucking admitted it. People still believe this shit. I'm sure he made a convenient lies to rationalize admitting it was for all for the money.

Actually, he didn't have to do that because Scientology teaches you that everyone else who's saying anything other than what his new version is, or they're just liars, it's still made up. In the 50s, religion was getting more popular. Just more than half of America was Christian in 1950, 69% of the country was by 1959.

Psychiatry, other forms of counseling, just weren't as popular. So you know, it was a business move, man. Turn mental science into a religion, pure and simple, makes some more money. And you don't get tax exempt status and save hundreds of millions of dollars with the counseling center. Also, if you're religion, your auditors aren't helmed this held

to the same educational standards as counselors are. Counselors have a degree. If you're a priest to whatever, you just get to fucking whatever the church decides. And since Scientology didn't pass the scientific sniff test, all the more reason to go the religious route this time. Well, 1954, the first official church of Scientology's open in LA, Hubbard insists the other Scientology groups that had sprung up around the country became franchises, they'd also become churches, and 10% of their growth income will be sent to the Hubbard Association of Scientologists International. H-A-S-I, also known as the Mother Church. Also, the place is sold to emeters and books exclusively. Books now known as this catalog of scripture

that Elron, the Ronald, was cranking out at a fanatical pace. This structure would make Elron fantastically wealthy later in life. He built his very own money machine, man. So crazy to see the business structure of a religion documented. Like, I love to see something similar

on the Catholic church, for example, how much money has been funneled back to Rome over the years, but I don't think the records exist the same way that they do with Scientology. 1956 took a bit to get the cash cow really rolling in. 1956, the growth in comfort Scientology was only $103,000. By 1959, it's $250,000, but it's gonna go way way up later. 1960, by the time that rolls around, Elron had replaced most of his initial Scientologists,

most of whom had become disillusioned with his teachings, probably because of teachings for Ludicrous. He wrote a lot of weird sci-fi shit in the 1950s that we're gonna get into a little bit later. He found some new, generally young, bright eyes, and bushy-tailed converts, eager to chow down, and whatever semi-spiritual bullshit Elrond was feeding them. Elrond also became increasingly paranoid regarding his followers. He was tired of having people leave, and then criticizing his brand after they left.

He came up with a new, more aggressive form of auditing for new members. Asked them more personal questions. Had they ever stolen? Had they ever killed? Been violent. What were their sexual fetishes? Had they ever been critical towards El-Ran?

You know, all ass well, new members are hooked up to those trusty e-meter lie detector tests. And now the slightest misstep by members of, as far as criticism goes, is punished. You know, he's using classic behaviorist techniques to mold his followers into totally transparent people. Totally devout. He pays church employees enough to live on,

but not enough to save, making them financially dependent upon him as well, less likely to leave. How does this time get away with all this? Well, from early accounts, he was super charismatic. He had an extremely powerful personality. He convinced himself that the lies he told were not only the truth, but the truth, the only truth. Mankind needed him to save them.

He was tried and true cult recruiting techniques like hot young women. Young testosterone-filled dudes will join almost any cult if they think it'll lead to sex with the hot young woman that they're into. L.A. in the 1960s, pretty young girls and hot pants and mini skirts hanging out on sunset, boulevards, smiling like they know some secrets, leading young men right into the hot bed of Scientology. 1964, Elrond is interviewed by the Saturday evening post, which was right up there with life magazine in terms of cultural importance, as far as being wide red at that time. And according to former members, he was overjoyed that they wanted to see what Scientology was all about.

He thought this was going to be a big moment, right? Gonna blow him up into the mainstream. And he let them into his St. Hill manor compound in England to get the inside scoop on what it was all about and then when the article came out they tore him into asshole. Called him the modern equivalent of an old-time snake oil peddler and he was never the same apparently after that. He was angry. He was angry Ronald. He wanted to stomp out any detractors and critics from that point forward far more aggressively than he had before 1966 Elrond gets some boats

I Purchases a small fleet and for the next roughly 10 years spends a lot of time sailing the high seas with his closest and some of his highest ranking Scientology members Scientology's infamous sea org is born remember how he's a little kid hang around those Navy guys You know want to be a part of their stories. Well, now he's got his own fucking crew. Remember, remember the honest Navy didn't want everything to do with him first time around, second time around, they pulled his rank, put him on a fucking cargo ship, not anymore. He's got seorg now. And now the hippie vibe of 60's Scientology gives way to a new military vibe the church will hold on to, has held on to this day. Because they're at war, man. They're at war with the world.

They're at war to save the world. They need to act like soldiers. Long, hippie hair is cut short. Beards are shaving. Uniforms are worn. All superior are called sir. Doreen Casey, a new high ranking Scientologist who ran C-org on Hubbard's behalf early on,

told other members, quote, either you are 100% with me or you are against me and you will be dealt with accordingly. Yeah, they're not fucking around anymore, man. 1967, series of awards and punishments are instituted on seorg, members who make mistakes, who question Elrond's beliefs are, for example, draped in heavy chains to signify a degraded state.

People who really messed up or locked up in the vials to ship for days or allegedly sometimes even weeks. And apparently, according to some form of members around this time, they used a punishment called overboarding for a few years. They would fucking toss you overboard. You could be thrown off just regular overboard. I don't know what you did, I guess. They could put a blindfold on you, then throw you off. They could put a blindfold, tie your hands together behind your back, then throw you off. Apparently, if you're really, really bad, if you're super naughty, and you were like, fuck them, I don't like what Elrond said there. They're like, ah, man, now we've got to tie your feet and your hands and put a blindfold on and throw you off the ship.

And I guess there was some ritual that went along with this and Hubbard would stay before you got tossed over. We commit your sins and errors to the deep and trust you arise a better-. What the fuck? Hoverd during this time is rarely seen even by Scientologists. He's apparently on some sort of spiritual quest. Hoverd also really upped his crazy this year. He relates to his followers through more writing that he's been researching the deepest mysteries of the universe. Said he recently uncovered summit great peril to himself. This is where we get the stuff that people talk about with Scientology today. He says he walked through, quote, the wall of fire.

Says he learned secrets where the material involved is so just villainous that it is carefully arranged to kill anyone if he discovers the exact truth of it. Actually, he didn't say villainous. I thought I'd correct that because I just, I copied and pasted this quote, Vias. That's an interesting word. VI, I, O U S. It's so vias that it is carefully arranged to kill anyone if he discovers the exact truth of it. I am very sure that I was the first one that ever did live through any attempt

to attain that material. He's the only one you guys. He's the only adventurer with the courage and the strength and the stamina to uncover the truth. Was he so crazy that he convinced himself he really was doing this shit? Or was he sitting on a typewriter, having a drink, laughing to himself, just like, these other fuckers? I don't believe anything.

They will literally believe anything I say. Ah, wow, man, it is good to be Elrond. I think it's about time I got myself some new 18 year old girls. Well, apparently some of the secrets he was finding around this time would be some super weird shit with Zinu and alien dictator. And some supposed catastrophe 75 million years ago that is still affecting us today. I'm gonna describe all that later.

1969 Elrond declares war against psychiatry in a memo written to his wife. He said he wanted to quote takeover, absolutely, the field of mental healing on this planet in all forms. He's really pissed about them not endorsing his first book. He also tells his followers they have to do more in all the universe. Hubbard said, there is no other hope for men than ourselves. In all the universe, Hubbard said, there is no other hope for men than ourselves. Man, he knows how to write a good narrative, doesn't he? One of the first things you learn about writing is to have stakes, you know?

Talk about that on TV all the time. Are the stakes high enough for the viewer to care? You know, are the stakes so dramatic that people are the person gonna live or die? You know, is the relationship gonna happen or not? What are the stakes? Well, Elron, he went for the ultimate stakes, the fate of the entire fucking human race.

1973, by then Elron had become a little Howard Hughes-esque, spending most of his time alone. He's paranoid about critics. Paranoid about someone trying to take Scientology down from the inside. He demands absolute obedience from his followers. If staff were bell in any way, Elron would have their family harassed.

With threatening phone calls, their phones could be tapped. They could be followed by other members, creepy shit. All part of the Scientology Policy of quote, fair game initiated by Elron in 1965 in which Elron instructed his followers to handle a suppressive person. Both within and outside the church, a truly suppressive person or group has no rights of any kind and actions taken against them are not punishable is what Elrond wrote. He also wrote that a suppressive person may be deprived of property or injured by any means by any Scientologist without any discipline of the Scientologist, maybe tricked, sued,

or lied to, or destroyed. And basically a suppressive person is just someone who denounced the Church of Scientology. Like I'm a suppressive person. I'm super suppressive person is just someone who denounced the church of Scientology. Like, I'm a, a suppressive person. I'm super suppressive. Scientology's website defines it as, the suppressive person is also known as the anti-social personality. Within this category, one finds Napoleon Hitler,

the unrepentant killer, and the drug lord. But if such are easily spotted, if only from the bodies they leave in their wake, anti-social personalities also commonly exist in current life and often go undetected. Uh-huh. It's just somebody who doesn't fucking like their wake. Anti-social personalities also commonly exist in current life and often go undetected. Uh-huh. It's just somebody who doesn't fucking like their teachings. Now, I should note, Elrond technically canceled the policy of fair game in 1968 under intensifying

scrutiny of Scientology by various governments, such as Australia, who threatened to ban it all together, but he did not ban its practice. And it goes on to this day. Also, to get a jump on suppressive organizations such as the IRS Scientology Beans planting members within his ranks. This was a part of what would later be revealed by the FBI to be the largest program of domestic espionage in US history, operations snow white. The intent of operations snow white was to cleanse

Scientology of any negative image by purging any documents critical of the church or its founder. The IRS, FBI, US Justice Department, Better Business Bureau, American Medical Association, et cetera, et cetera, all infiltrated by a Scientologist who job it was to steal and dispose of any documents or files negative towards Scientology.

Man, that is a fucking ambitious right there. He wanted to do this truly, like what a revisionist he is. That's such a consistent trait of his, you know? He just comes up with some new shit and he wants just to bury any trace just aggressively go after anyone who disputes the new doctrine.

Elrond had always loved to write in history, man. Now I want to do it in a bigger way. Well, the operation broke down when the FBI apprehended some Scientologists in DC and then raided Scientologistsologists compounds in DC and LA using 156 agents. It's largest raid ever for the time looking for those snow white documents Hubbard freaks out goes into hiding Even though they hadn't put out a warrant for his capture

man It's crazy and they are being so aggressive Also towards members who leave the ranks at the time. You know, that whole of the best defense is a good offense. Check out this shit. Scientologists, Pollett Cooper left the church, published a critique entitled the scandal of Scientology in 1971.

Church operatives allegedly tap her phone, break into her apartment, write her number on bathroom stall walls, always wondering who was writing for a good time called blank, turned out as Scientologist, handed insulting flyers out to her neighbors, a legend who was writing for a good time called Blank, turned out a Scientologist. Handed insulting flyers out to her neighbors, a legend she was at prostitute. There's a fucking church doing this.

Stole her stationary, sent out bomb threats, got her charged with three felonies, almost sent to prison. And when you watch documentaries on this group and you witness firsthand them harassing the shit out of former members they've labeled suppressive persons, it's easy to believe that they did this stuff as well well 1979, Operation Snow White does come to an end after the FBI raid, several high-ranking Scientologists go to prison including Elrond Hubbard's wife Mary Sue Hubbard

she gets five years in federal prison after pleading to a conspiracy charge heads off to Lexington, Kentucky Elrond himself, careful not to have his name on any of the documents and there's the whole church is fighting to like fucking clean up up the mess and make sure he doesn't get, you know, and die down anything. There's a fear amongst them that if, you know, anybody does something or doesn't clear up something that's going to get him caught, they're going to be fucking banned.

They're going to be a suppressive person. They're never going to, they're never going to get to attain, you know, the possibility of become an operating Thetan, you know, right out on your Messiah. You know, and he, so he walks away, doesn't get in trouble. I have to trial, he flees into exile, he does do that with two trusted Scientologists and he's never seen in public again. So it did force him underground, literally never seen again by any member of the

press, his own children or federal investigators who still have some questions for him. And while in exile, he would come to run the church through an ambitious former assistant of his David Miskevich. Now, until David took over his leader for real after Elrond's death on January 24, 1986, at the age of 74, he died of a stroke.

On a remote ranch, he'd been hiding at near San Luis at Bispil, California. And while his group was under investigation again, actually, this time by the IRS, who accused them of diverting over $100 million dollars in US earnings into foreign accounts. Scientology and the IRS do battle on court, by the way, all the way until 1993, when Scientology finally agrees to pay a $12.5 million in back taxes, and then the IRS agrees to give them tax exempt status going forward.

Scientology allegedly hired private investigators to look into their private lives of high-ranking IRS members to deter them from continuing to investigate them. Fuckin' how about that? They went to war with the IRS and they won. They won. That's a scary organization. By the way, at the time of his death,

Elrond was allegedly worth an estimated $650 million. Not bad for a Pulp Fiction author who was broke just 35 years earlier. And now that we made it all the way to Hubbard's death, let's bounce out of this timeline for the rest of this episode. Good job, soldier. You've made it back. Barely.

Alright, so now we have a basic understanding of Elrond Howard, kind of how he grew his cult. But what are they up to right now? How is David Miskevich? I've read the church since Elrond's death is Elrond alive somewhere, is it fully operating Thetin? How the fuck did they get their claws into Tom Cruise? First, let's kind of review what Scientologists believe. Okay, the ultimate goal of Scientology is to become an operating Thetin.

Yeah, at that point, you would no longer require physical form. You're self-aware, immortal soul with total control over matter energy space time. You're all powerful. You're fucking God basically. The journey to get there is known as the bridge total freedom. However, how to get that far is really never fully explained. Instead, once you get to the highest level of Scientology, currently operating level 8, 0-0-0-0-0- this was added, I guess, two years after his death, but supposedly Elrond wrote it. And it's just kind of some revelations type nonsense about some anti-Christ and really doesn't explain how you're supposed to become immortal. The hardest part of the story, though, to write is the end. And I don't think Scientologists have figured out what that end is yet. Because it's a fucking, it's a nonsensical story.

It's hard to wrap up the author's debt. And because it's a pay as you go level system, there's no incentive to have a definitive end. Because you know, like, Elron, he just, before he died, he just kept creating like more levels of knowledge you're supposed to attain. And it gets more expensive as you go higher, you know. And you would never want to stop that. Like, why would you want to fucking kill your profit?

You know, you don't want to have an end. And then people are like, all right, I got it now. I guess I don't need to show up anymore to the audience sessions now, man. You gotta keep fucking pushing it. You gotta keep pushing it forward. You gotta sell some more shit. I don't know, they probably will write some more eventually.

They'll probably magically uncover some more secrets Elrond hid written by somebody else to kind of keep levels going. Or maybe it's supposed to be confusing, you know, you can't you can't make it easy to become a fully operating Thetan it's only it's only it first select few for some reason I never understand why it's only for a select few I guess maybe because it's like it's no fun to win a win a video game that everyone else can also easily win There's no deep satisfaction that Elron said before he died that not even Jesus or Buddha made it all the way Based on a recorded speech from David miskevich announcing Elron's passing out,

the Scientologist do seem to believe that Elron made it. David talked of Elron, the Ronald, no longer required his physical form. He's going on to do more research, make more Scientology discoveries as a fully operating Theaton. His body was a hindrance, he's got a fucking, he's got to go on and just float around, I guess,

and work on some shit out in space. Scientology's also based on an intro video and other information I discuss, believe the Scientology, unlike other religions, gives you the tools you need to kick some ass in this lifetime. You know, it's not just about the fuckin' being a theitin'. Operate at a clear level, be a borderline superhero,

now by gettin' rid of all your end-gramps, right? All your negative end-gramps. Fuckin' get it out of you, man. Get the Zeno end-gramps out. Get the normal end-gramps out. You know? I don't know. Let's look at some more interesting Scientology shit, a little closer.

Kind of like the best of what I found just random stuff with some weird facts. All right, this first one is my favorite part of the whole episode. This is OT3. So, remember when Elron writes his second book, goes from Dynetics to Scientology, you know, way back when in the 50s, Dianetics fails. Just accounting things like, I got to up the ante, add some more sci-fi, make it more religion. He talks about weird things, 75,000 years ago that happened, traumatic experience that affects us today.

There was Z-New, that alien dictator. Operating level 3 is where he gets into all this. It's three levels above the clear. So see, like you become fully clear, you become a fully clear person, which means you've got rid of your normal end grams. And then to go beyond that, you got to like get into the sci-fi shit, to go up the bridge, to become a fucking space hero. What if the shit it is. And you gotta buy these levels. You gotta spend some time. I watched an interview with Leah Remini talking about attaining this level.

It's hilarious to hear her kind of heard talk about how disappointed she was after being in the church for years and years because you have to pay, but it's not like you just like, you get to pay for one level and then you're immediately like, all right, like if you're rich, you just can't be like, all right, I'll just pay for the whole thing and just fucking knock it out.

Now you gotta do one, you gotta let it soak in for a while, you gotta do a bunch of auditing for a certain amount of time. It takes you years and years and years to get up to the wall of fire. For example, walk through that just like Hubbard did in the 60s. So, okay, so you pay your money, you get approved after years, years of waiting for this info, this is some deep Scientology shit, and then you're given a Manila folder.

It's taken out of a locked briefcase. I love the drama of the presentation. This shit has to be guarded because it would kill a mere mortal like myself if I read it, you know, without going to the previous steps. That's how they presented to people. That's how Leah Romney said it was presented to her. And then you go to a private room to read it. And this is what it says. It's just like one piece of paper. You wait all this time. This is like the first big secret. Now he's gotten like new levels and you go all the way to eight. This is like the first big secret. People waited fucking years for this. Went through a lot of abuse in Scientology, ostracized from their families. They got to know how to become immortal. Finally, you go into a fucking room. You're giving him a mill of abuse in Scientology, ostracized from their families. They gotta know how to become immortal.

Finally, you go into a fucking room. You're giving him a little bit, you get one piece of paper, and here that says, the head of the Galactic Confederation, 76 planets around larger stars, visible from here, founded 95 million years ago, solved overpopulation by mass in planting.

The leader, a tyrant's name Zinu, set out to capture the trillions who opposed him and deposited them on volcanoes, on the prison planet of Tajik, otherwise known as Earth. I am glad we went with Earth. That's way better than Tajik. He then eradicated them,

and all life on the planet with hydrogen bombs, leaving only the Theedons or souls of the captives, which were then brainwashed or implanted to rid them of their original identities. Man, brainwashing souls, this is Zenia who is a powerful motherfucker, I guess. That is some top, shelf, sorcery shit right there. Brainwashing something that literally doesn't even have a brain Millions of years later when life began on to Giac

The traumatized attached themselves on human bodies That's why we're fucked up you guys our problems are just caused by the reactive mind as it turns out We have these body themes literally attached to us. They're inside of us And we are reliving the ancient trauma of ZNews genocide. And if you want to reach your full potential, alright? You want to fucking be an operating theater motherfucker? Well, you got to clear these damaged themes out of you. You got to heal their trauma and you get to set them free. If you want to hear someone who's received this information,

talk about it. Watchfully your remedies interview with Joe Rogan on YouTube. Where she talks about reading this for the first time again. Again, she waited years and then just got to this like, what? Seriously? watch Lee your remedies interview with Jill Rogan on YouTube, where she talks about reading this for the first time again. Again, she waited years and then just got to this like, what? Seriously? Oh, man, you know, because it's just like some shitty pulp sci-fi, some non-sens fiction, which is exactly

what's the whole of Scientology. It's just the drivel of a pulp fiction author. Number two, on where Fax Charles Manson supposedly studied Scientology in the early 1960s. Use some of its techniques on his followers. Manson man using Elrond's words of wisdom to get the family together. Number three, unlike any other religion, Scientology specifically seeks out celebrities. The center was a synergistic vehicle for project celebrity.

An internal church newsletter Elrond 1969, advised the flock to hunt for a list quarries such as Greta Garbo, Walt Disney, Orson Wellswell. Celebrities are very special people he wrote 1973. They have communication lines that others do not have. Well, they didn't get those early ones, but they eventually got Tom Cruise, right? They eventually got John Dervolta, Lear Emony, Juliet Lewis, Janet Elfman, Kirstie Alley, Elizabeth Moss, Danny Masterson, Laurie Prapon. Number four, according to a long time member and recent defector, Le Elfman, Kirstie Alley, Elizabeth Moss, Danny Masterson, Lori Propon, number four. According to longtime member and recent defector, Lea Remini, who grew up in the church when she was 10, her mother moved to the family from Brooklyn to Scientology, to the Scientology Center in Clearwater,

Florida, which is like the mecha now for Scientology. Scientology absolutely brainwashes members. Quote very early on in the brainwashing process, Elron's technology teaches you that outside sources, the news, the internet, books, magazines are all lies and hellbent on destroying something decent like Scientology. The AMA, the APA, all governments do not give Scientology a stew because they have a vested interest

in not healing people and not helping people. End quote. It's all fake news, all fake news, everybody. Don't trust the journalists. Trust only the Ronald. Number five, new members of C.org, Scientology's inner circle sign a billion-year contract when they get started seriously, seriously.

It says that on the paper, they sign up for a fucking billion years. Because when their physical form dies, their Thetan is still obligated to serve Scientology. You know, as it finds new physical hosts, huh? Number six, Scientology had its own children's pop group for 20 years and it's fucking great in the worst way. Started in the early 90s called Kids on Stage

for a Better World. That's a shit, that's a shit title. I'm gonna say that right now, way too long. New Kids on the Block was long, but it had some fucking cash, yay. Sounded, sounded, had some coolness to it. Kids on stage for a better world. Sounds as horrible as it is.

It's terrible, as terrible as horrible as it is. They were terrible at music, at Scientology, as a religion. Go to betterworldkids.com if you need a good laugh. They sing a version of Kim Wilde's, where are the kids in America? But they change it to, where are the kids of the future? Whoa, where are the kids of the future? Whoa, no, you're not, because your group's over. The delusion it takes to believe in Scientology seems to carry over to the delusion one can sing and do a choreograph dance when one can't. Number seven, this is, this is insane. John Travolta is authorized to kill us, he sees fit within Scientology. According to Learemmedy, who claimed this while being interviewed by Joe Rogan,

John Travolta was given the title of Khan Khan, or I'm sorry, Kakan, he was given the title of Kakan, it's an equally stupid word, by Elrana Hubbard years ago, which gave him the power to not be punished by Scientology for murder. She said there are a few policies called ethics protection and responsibility of leaders, the state that you gotta do, whatever you gotta do to protect the leader, or your invalation of Scientology ethics.

Like if you see a body, if I can no questions if Trivolty killed him, right? He has that power. You just clean it up and you just go about your day. No wonder he was ready to play a hitman for that pulp fiction comeback, Roll Years ago. He probably just like killed a few lesser Scientologists do some method preparation. Get ready for that shit. That's true. I don't know why she lied about that. Everything else she said in the interview that I saw checked out with everything I found in a ton of research. I kind of get why celebrity staying Scientology, man.

Tom Cruise. He's probably skullfucking someone's, some Scientologist father in front of him to test his obedience as you listen to this right now. All right. All right. I'd say let's hop out of weird facts, but really this entire episode is just a weird fact segment. Okay, so back to the history of the church for just a bit.

Since Elrond's death, David Miscavige has been the church's leader, this cult, religion, whatever you want to call it, so young, it's only had a second leader. And like Lear Eminy, David was basically born in in 1968 when he was eight years old, his dad took him to a Scientologist auditor instead of a doctor to look into his asthma attacks. For whatever reason, the attacks stopped after the auditing session and the family went all in on Elrong. Full Hubbard. They moved one of the churches early compounds called St. Hill. That's where they moved in England. By the age of 12, David was auditing others, a perotious kid by 13. He was given security checks to senior Scientology execs. By 14, he was personally giving Elron special feet

and hand jobs as they're known within the organization. Sorry, the last part is not true. And I do need to actually say that's not true because this shit's so crazy. I feel like if I didn't point that out, you'd be like, no, that sounds right. That sounds legit. What's funny to me is even though the family joined Scientology

because it's supposedly cured David's asthma, early members who knew young David and left the church said he was still severely asthmatic. Dude, just fucking loves to rewrite history. Chip off the old Elron. Well, David dropped out of high school signed his billion-year contract for C.O.R.C. at 16, there's fucking fake Navy.

Within a year, he was one of Elrond's personal messengers. The common door's messenger, because Elrond gave him the title of Commodore. Of course he did. Fuck he was a douchebag. One of the youngs, well, he was one of the messengers who were like the young Scientologists who would surround Elrond and pass his messages along to other members of church leadership. You know, the dude just loved to watch a face, beaming with the ignorance of youth,

just gaze upon him, like young girls, like young fucking assistants, people didn't question him. David was also part of a special team assigned to protecting Elron from any legal trouble when operation Snow White backfired and the FBI went after the church. Damn, suppressive organization, trying to get poor Elron, poor Elronled. Leave that poor Elronled alone. He had done nothing to nobody know how. He's also the one who told Elrond's wife, Mary Sue, that because she did get convicted by the FBI, she's gonna have to leave the church. Ah, sorry about that.

You're gonna have to just stay away from all of us and never come here again. Heartless, he really did that. Chip off the old Ronald. He also became this aggressive lap dog of sorts for Elrond. Sicked on anyone critical of the Ronald. It took Odin of those suspected of hiding something to new abusive levels, screaming

obscenities upon them. According to numerous first-hand accounts and various documentaries, I watch just beating the fuck out of people, whenever he feels like it. This new more aggressive tone, apparently, he's just stayed. David is the new dictator within the church. He doesn't write scripture, likerond did from what I can find But he does command, you know what's what needs to be done and you you don't question it Check out this statement by former Scientologist regarding abuse

This is quote haul join the church marketing unit in 1987 Which brought him into more frequent contact with misgabbage who holds the title chairman of the board or COB Hall said it was a shock the first time he saw Moscavich attack an executive Ray Mythoff. The second time was like something out of a cartoon. Hall says Moscavich came up behind two seated executives, Mark Yeager, and Guillermo Leziver grabbed their heads and banged them together. Then he ground them against each other. Leziver had blood coming out of

his ear. Get the fuck. Can you imagine a report leaking of a bishop doing that to a priest of some pastor doing that to a deacon? Jesus. That's fucking insane. Why all the violence? Well because they think they're a war. They think they're a war with suppressives. They think they're saving the human race. They're delusional, dangerous, and insane. Do you ever watch that old Scientology promotional video with Tom Cruise in it? The one with him wearing the black long sleeve turtle neck? If you haven't, and again, want some laughs? Check it out on YouTube. Just put Tom Cruise Scientology. It's the first one that comes up. Check out this stuff. He says, this is what these people, oh my God, they're so out there.

He says stuff like, quote, being a Scientologist when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else. You drive past, you know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one who can really help, but that's what drives me. I know we have an opportunity to really help. What are you talking about? You're the only one who can help you. Narcissistic, Napoleon syndrome, delusional fuck.

I think you have Scientologists confused with EMT or emergency room doctor in that situation. One of you read an article about Tom Cruise stopping to help somebody at an accident. Tom Cruise has lived in LA for a year. He lived in LA for years, for decades. You drive by a car accident literally every day in Los Angeles.

There should be thousands of articles by now about Tom Cruise helping people who just got into a car accident, you know? It's a news reporter after news reporter actor Tom Cruise saved another family today on the side of the 405 northbound He used an e-reader to audit the father's arm back on after it was severed in the crash all hail Tom Cruise all hail Elrond Hubbard all hail Scientology That fucking, I reported a little weird at the end there. We'll look cookie. In that same video, Tom always says, in my opinion, you're either on board or you're not on board.

But if you're on board, you're on board just like the rest of us. This is an OT7, operating feet in level 7, and he clearly doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about. That was just some insane gibberish she just spouted. And by the way, that was a self-contained cut from the video. I didn't take it out of context. There is no context for that other than just sheer lunacy. He also says, quote,

We are the authorities on getting people off drugs. We are the authorities on the mind. We are the authorities on improving the human condition. We can rehabilitate criminals. Really? Then do it, dickhead. Tell the US government you'd like to start taking all their criminals into your centers,

the moment they're released, and see how far you can lower recidivism rates. Just stop crime, Scientology. Do it with your dime store, pulp fiction scripture, you fucking jackasses. First time I saw this video, I wondered why someone as successful as Tom Cruise would risk his public reputation, which is this craziness,

but then listened to Leah Remini interview with Joe Rogue, which I really do recommend. made a lot of sense. She explained that despite how famous of an actor Thomas, and I never would have thought of this, the adoration of the public adds a celebrity, payles in comparison to the respect and adoration he's getting within Scientology. Like, he's one of the top five ranked Scientologists in the world. He's in the inner circle of this church hierarchy and he's their number one celebrity He's more famous than Travolta. He's one of the most recognizable faces in the world

Remember Elrond specifically sought out celebrities and catered to them There was an entire Scientology celebrity center on Hollywood Boulevard in Hollywood And she says that no one is allowed to question Tom no one's allowed to to to give an opinion Without being asked no one's allowed to question Tom. No one's allowed to give an opinion without being asked. No one's allowed to criticize him in any way ever. He's given a staff of assistance who surround him on his movie sets and everything. They're literally not allowed to say no. If Tom wants a specific coffee

when he's way out in the middle of nowhere on some location shooting a movie, you don't just say like, I don't know where I can find that. You fucking get it done. You figure it the fuck out. Or you're gonna be punished by the church. You suppressive piece of shit. Tom wants you to sing some Michael McDonald Helm

Dooby Brothers, a little minute by minute, right? Even though you know that your podcast audience doesn't want to hear it, you fucking do it. Minutes by minute by minute by minute. I keep holding on. I keep holding on. It's been a second since I've threw a McDonald Airwik in your brain. Have fun with that for the next few days because it's going nowhere. It's just going to pop up. You know it's just going to pop a minute. By minute. By minute.

By minute. I keep holding on. By home. My home. My home. Scientology is the only organization able to stroke Tom's enormous mega star Evo, Evo, Ego, even more than Hollywood. I was coming off of that mic, I'm a Donald Hype, I have to get used to regular words again.

Instead of Yam-o-be there. Okay, now other sources such as HBO is going clear, say that stars stay in the church because they're afraid to have secrets they've revealed during auditing sessions shared with the world. Now, according to former auditors, every auditing session is recorded. And so, like, they're like, well, maybe Cruz, doesn't want his secrets getting out.

I don't know. I think maybe he just loves being essentially feared and worshiped like a God on earth. All right. One last thought on Scientology. As you've noticed, I've been super hostile towards Scientology. Here's the main reason. I think the worst aspect of this cult, and I do think it's a cult, absolutely, is the process of disconnection. As we talked about by former members at length on various documentaries and interviews, I actually worked on Leah Remini's first reality show in another life as a consultant producer.

A show about her family called It's All Relative on TLC. And I interviewed some of her family members during pre-production, got them on the phone to talk about, you know, like some possible storylines, things we could work with for a show, and they revealed they recently just left Scientology. And they talked about how people they had been friends with for decades. Other Scientologists now voted eye contact with them at the grocery store. Wouldn't return their calls or texts. Complete and total rejection of contact.

Why? That's church doctrine. Anyone who leaves the church has labeled a suppressive person not to be communicated with ever again by another church member. Which would be one thing if, you know, other members were just casual acquaintances, but however, that same doctrine applies to family members.

Your daughter drops out of the church, you're forbidden to talk to her ever again. Or you yourself can be kicked out. And this can be a church you're financially dependent on. No seeing your grandkids. No walking her down the aisle at her wedding. Nothing she's fucking dead to you. All because she doesn't buy with the church is selling.

A religion doesn't do that. A fucking cult does that. A shitty, dangerous, insecure cult. Fuck Scientology, fuck El Ron Hubbard, fuck David Muscavich, and fuck Tom Cruise. Who based on every Scientology video I've ever watched to him seems to have a bigger ego than most nations. However, I feel no anger to the lower members, man, I feel pity, you're a victim. You would suckered in under the guys of self-help, you probably had a low spot in your life, when you first went there, you were desperate and confused, and now you're being taken advantage

of by an abusive, for-profit cult posing as a religion that wants to own your every thought. A group that will rip you apart from your family if you are not completely obedient to their insane pulp fiction doctrine written by a failed writer, a proven liar, a lectures old control freak, a dude who charges members thousands and thousands, in some cases millions, for people to finally learn that the reason you feel bad is because some ancient alien dictator Z knew blew up to mention Theatons with some hydrogen bombs and then brainwashed their souls into forgetting they were all powerful beans. Are you fucking serious? My church of Nimrod quickly made up bullshit.

Where Nimrod is the creator of the universe. He's the giant space assquash, the size of a galaxy with the head of a chupacabra who rides a black unicorn with suns for eyes. That makes more sense than the soul brainwashing of Zeno. Right? Oh, my God, you know. And that's Scientology, you know?

If you're in it, get out. And if you're not in it, stay out. But if you are in it, and you're listening to Time-South, can you have been, please keep listening. You know, just calm down about this episode. I can't afford to lose my Scientology Coalition members. Coalition, why did I say Coalition? That makes no sense.

But I can't afford to lose my Scientology demographic numbers. That word doesn't make sense to me. I'm trying to think of a fucking word. My Scientology contingent. I can't lose my Scientology contingent. I already lost all my Syrian Islamic fundamentalist members. I lost my lizard illuminati and flat earth believer members a long time ago, and I want to lose you. But I do want to take you into some top 5 takeaways.

Number 1. El-Ran Hubbard, a known science fiction author invented a science fiction based religion in the 1950s and turned it into an international empire that according to a 2015 fortune.com article is worth about $1.75 billion with roughly $1.5 billion of that in real estate. Number two, based on what I could find online to go from taking your first audit to reaching O.T.8 is going to cost you if you made no mistakes. Never have to undergo extra auditing, which sounds impossible from everything I've read and heard, a minimum of $380,000. Based on what are presented as inside price listings.

Now I'm not a big fan of major religions, but at least Jesus and Muhammad are free. Number three, Tom Cruise has more emergency medical knowledge than medically trained EMTs. He's a Scientologist and being a Scientologist. when you drive past an accident, it's not like anyone else. You drive past. You know you have to do something about it because you know you're the only one who can really help. So if you are ever in a serious accident, don't pray for God to save you.

Don't hope that ambulance, don't call some lawyer. You pray for Tom Cruise. Number four, do not fuck with John Travolta. Because apparently he has a license to kill. He's the cacan! He is the cacan! Oh, he'll cacan, Travolta. Five, do not fuck with Scientology.

Says the guy, fucking with Scientology. They took on the IRS and won. They may be Batchit Crazy, but they are a laser-focused, Batchit kind of crazy. And I hope they never set that laser beam on me. Time suck, top five takeaway! Man, that was fun. That was my favorite time suck podcast yet.

I could have kept research on that one for weeks. And man, what truly a time suck. I never wanted to stop reading, watching those videos. Incredibly interesting. And again, if you want time zone. I never wanted to stop reading, watching those videos. Incredibly interesting. And again, if you want to learn more, read Janet Wrightman's amazing book that's R-E-I-T-M-A-N. Inside Scientology, she's not sponsored in the show, by the way. No one's sponsored in this episode. That was completely voluntary endorsement.

And watch my Scientology movie. It's an art house cinemas now. Very well put together. Stylistically different than a lot of documentaries I've seen. And a good way. For tour dates, Tempe, next weekend, the improv, and then Cleveland and Sam Fran coming up, go to timesockpodcast.com, click on standup tour and more, take all the dates that are currently listed. And while you're there, you can donate to the show. If you feel so inclined, you can click that little PayPal

button, do that. You can click the Amazon button, if you want to help the show, while you shop. And you can click the shop to get that first edition, Time Suck T-shirt made out of 200% pure unadulterated. Z-New approved O-T-8 full operating seat and baby bottoms. And most importantly, have a great weekend and keep on sucking.