Timesuck with Dan Cummins - Short Suck #7 - Survive the Apocalypse in Style: The World of Luxury Doomsday Bunkers

Episode Date: April 12, 2024

Do you have a plan in mind for what you would do in a doomsday event like nuclear war, alien invasion, a deadly plague, some Terminator Skynet style "robots have turned against humanity" scenario, etc.?  Some people do. Some very rich people. And it's insane what they're building in case everything goes off the rails. Watch the Suck on YouTube: https://youtu.be/JKR0YpYTO1EFor Merch and everything else Bad Magic related, head to: https://www.badmagicproductions.com

Welcome to this edition of Time Suck Short Sucks. Today we're exploring the bizarre and decadent but also sometimes kind of awesome world of luxury doomsday bunkers. And what exactly is a luxury doomsday bunker? Well a good doomsday bunker is five things. Self-sufficient, airtight, blast resistant, unbreachable, and secluded. And a good luxury doomsday bunker, as the name suggests, adds one more vital attribute to that list. Grandeur. After all, what's the point of surviving the apocalypse if you can't do it in comfort and style? Words and ideas can change the world. I hated her, but I wanted to love my mother. I have a dream. I'll plead not guilty right now. Your only chance is to leave with us.

Let's say the apocalypse comes. Be it by the way of nuclear war, ecological collapse, alien invasion, Terminator style annihilation by artificial intelligence and robotics turning against humanity, God fighting the devil, another pandemic, or whatever you think is going to do the trick, where will you go? Do you have a place in mind? A plan? I do. I mean, come on.

I was born and raised in North Idaho. Of course I have a doomsday plan. I don't think there actually will be a doomsday in my lifetime, but just in case there is, I have a loose plan. And yes, it involves a remote piece of private land, access to clean water, a lot of dry goods, a whole bunch of guns. And no, I'm never going to tell any of you where it is or give any solid clues because if shit really goes down, I'm going to need to circle the wagons real tight and maybe

even kill a few peripheral family members who I know will also be heading to the same place who will not be useful at all, will only be a burden, you know, when it comes to rationing our limited supplies, fighting off marauders and bandits. Sorry, what's your plan? Will you hunker down in a remote cabin in the woods with enough weapons to arm a small military? Will you just head downstairs, hide away in your basement with your PS5 and some snacks, hope it all just blows over?

Will you head to the nearest metropolis to party and drink and do all the drugs you've never tried and die from an overdose instead of radiation poisoning or starvation or murder We run to Costco and fight strangers for toilet paper and Advil and pallets macaroni and cheese Drive to Canada and attempt to shoot your way in if they try and stop you at the border be nervous If there's a doomsday situation Canada be real nervous You have a lot of remote land a lot of clean water and as you know We Americans are probably the craziest motherfuckers on earth We're armed to the teeth and many of us see laws as mere suggestions

We run a risk versus reward assessment when it comes to the value of breaking them versus the price We'll have to pay if we get caught and if there's a doomsday situation fuck consequences laws are irrelevant Law and order is dead and gone And if there's a doomsday situation, fuck consequences. Laws are irrelevant. Law and order is dead and gone. Or instead of rushing some border in a desperate, half-cocked, loose plan, will you just quietly sneak on over to that secret subterranean penthouse you had built by some contractor who signed an NDA

and ride out Armageddon by the pool, getting tanned by sun, simulating lights, watching movies in your state-of-the-art theater, relaxing in the sauna, climbing on the rock wall to stay active, lifting weights in your gym, eating fresh-grown produce and farmed fish every day while the rest of the world is buried alive under volcanic ash, or being bombarded by thermonuclear bombs or attacked by angry aliens or naughty demons or something. Sounds more like something out of a dystopian sci-fi movie than it does real life, right? Well for some, a scenario like this actually seems to be a realistic possibility. There are people

out there who have already spent a lot of money and taken the time to make a lot of preparations for how to ride out and maybe even survive what will be the end times and final days for most. Early in the 2000s or since early in the 2000s, thank you Y2KScare, the market for luxury doomsday bunkers has been steadily expanding and every year more and more companies that sell extravagantly deluxe survival shelters are appearing on the marketplace. While this market has been growing, the clientele demographic these companies sell to, still unsurprisingly, remains very very small. This is because only the top 1% of the top 1% can afford a luxury doomsday bunker.

They cost anywhere from about one and a half million to somewhere around 400 million dollars. That's right, a cool 400 mil. Very few can afford that. and the hyper-exclusivity of luxury doomsday bunkers is also part of their allure. After all, in a lot of apocalyptic scenario predictions, only a select few can survive resources are so limited. You don't want a lot of competition for those resources. Although luxury bunkers with pools and saunas are a new phenomenon, the concept of a bunker in itself is something that has been around for almost all of human history.

Going back to antiquity, a bunker was just a natural formation, like a cave, where someone could hide their possessions and loved ones away from conflict, invaders, simple environmental dangers. The concept of a true end times or near end times bunker being something that we build that's very recent. This idea didn't really gain traction until near the end of World War II. Living under the shadow of the Cold War and the advent of the atomic bomb for the first time in human history more people than ever were thinking about the realistic possibility of a near extinction event and governments starting construction on projects larger and

larger sub training shelters to protect citizens in the event of this attack became a real phenomenon. To protect a few citizens, the most wealthy and powerful citizens. Similarly, it was also during this period that bunkers built specifically to protect political and elites, excuse me, started popping up followed closely by elites outside of politics. One of the most famous examples of an early massive government bunker is Canada's Diefenbunker, which was commissioned and I hope to got named by Prime Minister John Diefenbaker in 1959. The Diefenbaker Diefenbunker. The Diefenbunker was just one of the many emergency government headquarters built in

Canada during the period, only unlike the others, it was intended solely for members of the federal government. Its construction was a top-secret operation and known internally by the code name Project Emergency Army Signals Establishment, EASE. The site remained in operation for 32 years after it was completed in 1961. Nowadays, it serves as Canada's Cold War Museum. According to the museum's website, the Diefenbunker is made of 32,000 cubic yards of hand-poured concrete and 5,000 tons of steel. It is an extraordinary marvel of engineering

and built to withstand a 5 megaton nuclear blast from 1.8 kilometers away. That's a blast about 250 times more powerful than the bombs dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki in 1945. Inside is a small fully equipped hospital that includes rooms to quarantine people exposed to dangerous levels of radiation. There's a war cabinet room where the government's leading officials could meet and try to run whatever was left of the country. There was a communication room where officials had a direct line to NORAD officials in Colorado Springs, Colorado. The North American Aerospace Defense Command, a combined organization of the U.S. and Canada that provides aerospace warning air sovereignty and protection

for Canada and the continental U.S. in dire times. There was a room for what would have been one of the most powerful computers in the world, one that you could have built in the early 60s, probably not as powerful as a phone now. A bunch of other governmental offices connected to some pretty spartan bedrooms, massive cafeteria capable of providing fresh food for up to 600 people for the first week. After that week, there were military rations capable of feeding those 600 people for an additional 23 days. So just a month at max capacity. There was also a massive vault capable of storing up to 800 tons of gold protected by a 13-ton blast storm. Very cool, but not nearly as cool as modern luxury bunkers. In the 2000s, as I mentioned, the world of bunkers

underwent a massive facelift, both literally and figuratively. Some bunker experts attribute the change to the culmination of two things, the end of the Cold War and the runaway wealth of the world's elite. With the threat of nuclear World War III scenario reduced thanks to the mad doctrine of mutually assured destruction, the thousands of government-built bunkers all around the world suddenly became less important to maintain, and governments started selling some of these things off. For the ones that weren't abandoned and left to ruin, they were either converted to museums or historical sites, deconstructed for materials, or purchased by private owners. In 2008, property developer Larry Hall purchased a former U.S. government missile silo near the little 5,000 person town of Concordia in the middle of nowhere Kansas

for $300,000, then sunk nearly $20 million more into it to turn it into a luxury subterranean end-of-the-world upside-down condo building. It's pretty amazing to watch some videos on this thing. As one NPR article put it, what Hall realized was that there was a certain kind of buyer out there who will be willing to spend about three million for an apartment underground or one and a half million for half an apartment. A missile silo, also known as a nuclear silo or launch facility, is a vertical cylindrical structure built underground for the safe storage and launching of a large ballistic missile. This one goes down roughly 200 feet, 197 feet, to be precise, below the Earth's surface.

And because it was built to withstand the launch of a fucking nuclear warhead and also to keep enemies from destroying the silo, the structure and similar structures are, to say the least, virtually indestructible and impenetrable. The specific silo that Survival Condo is located in was constructed in the 1960s. During the Cold War, it was built to house a missile 100 times more powerful than the bomb dropped on Nagasaki, and also to keep any enemies from ever accessing a missile that powerful. Although the interior of the missile silo has been completely renovated to provide the

utmost luxury and protection for its occupants from the outside, the Survival Condo Complex still resembles a top-secret military facility. According to their website, Survival Condo has combined cutting-edge innovations with the utmost comfort and luxury to offer you an unparalleled ownership opportunity, the Survival Condo experience. When it comes to safeguarding your future, nothing even comes close. We invite you to embark on a journey with us where safety meets sophistication and where luxury meets peace of mind. Your extraordinary survival living experience awaits. Around the perimeter of the Survival Condo property is an impenetrable concrete fence laden with security cameras and patrolled by armed guards. The residential structure itself has a total square footage of 54,000 feet, has 15 floors. You

enter the facility on the top floor, top level, floor 1, which is the only one of the 15 levels that is not subterranean. You enter through a 16,000 pound steel reinforced bomb-proof concrete door. On floor one you'll find in addition to the complex is only entrance slash exit, a garage, big garage with one parking spot reserved for each of the apartments and a recreation center. You've got to have somewhere to park that Mad Max mobile during the end times. Recreation center is complete with a 24 foot climbing wall, a pet park. Yeah, it's pet friendly.

What's an apocalypse without Without, you know, your sweet little pets. Gotta bring Penny Pooper, Dee Dee, Dee Dee, Lil' Ginger Bell into the silo. There's an arcade? Oh, fuck yeah, bro! Play a little Street Fighter 2 while the world crumbles outside. An indoor shooting range where inhabitants can fire anything from a handgun to a 308 caliber sniper rifle to stay sharp for inevitable zombie and roving death cult attacks. And a resort style saltwater pool so you can relax and unwind after fending off said zombies and death cult members. But why isn't that shit underground? What about the aliens, radiation, the demons? Not happy about this layout. Should have put all that in the lowest level so you can still enjoy it when the world completely has fallen apart. Full-size swimming

pool and survival condo was placed on the surface to trick the eye into thinking it's not an apocalypse bunker, but some kind of high-end very secure resort. Okay, all right, that makes sense actually. It's pretty smart. Covering the walls of the pool area is a massive floor-to-ceiling mural of beach and jungle landscapes. One end of the pool itself is a built-in water slide. You know, got to get some slides in during the apocalypse. With three miniature waterfalls pouring out of the simulated rock structure. The floor around the pool is painted to look like sand. In one corner is a smattering of beach chairs. An outdoor table, complete with a little red

umbrella poking out of it like you're just, you know, you're just fucking having a vacation in Hawaii or Tahiti or something. The pool is kept at a constant 82 degrees. It also has its own system for continually sterilizing and refilling the water. One floor below the recreation hall is the mechanical level. Excuse me where all the energy, electricity, filtration, and disposal systems are held and maintained. Below that you'll find the food storage level which owner Larry Hall said he built to resemble a miniature whole food supermarket. One room on the food store level containing all the imperishables does sort of look like Whole Foods. If Whole Foods only sold gigantic canned goods.

Some of the delicious treats you'll find amongst the rows and rows of shelves in this room are freeze-dried scrambled egg powder, dehumidified strawberries, and all the canned goods are certified to last over 35 years. Also located on this level is an aquaculture facility to raise fish and a hydroponic system to grow tomatoes, onions, various lettuces, kale, blackberries, blueberries and much more. Next floor down is the medical bay which has its own registered pharmacy and enough storage space to stock up to seven years worth of medication for each resident. The next seven floors below the mini hospital are all residential. There are 12 individual units at

survival condo and the maximum capacity of the entire complex is 75 people. Nine of the apartments have already sold. I'll leave it just three currently on the market as I record this. Two half floor units and one full floor. Only one full floor left. Get in quick. one full floor only one full floor left get in quick that full floor units price has recently been reduced to only two million four hundred thousand dollars plus a monthly condo maintenance fee of down now just around five thousand two hundred fifty dollars just a small maintenance fee of sixty three thousand dollars a year the good news is that if the apocalypse really hits you don't have to pay anymore because who's gonna enforce collection the world's governments will have all collapsed currency will be worthless If the apocalypse really hits, you don't have to pay anymore. Because who's going to enforce collection?

The world's governments will have all collapsed. Currency will be worthless. Bullets and food will be the new dollars. The 18 or 1820 square foot full floor apartment has a maximum occupancy of 10 people. Boasts three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a dining room, and a living room. It actually does look really nice. There's a little video tours you can find on YouTube. The Deluxe Survival apartment also includes four LED big screens, full spectrum LED lighting, state-of-the-art washer and dryer,

high-end flooring, got to have high-end flooring in the apocalypse, an electronic fireplace, jacuzzi tub in the primary bath so you can fucking relax, read a book while people are being torn apart just outside the silo complex by fucking aliens or something, luxury bath fixtures, elevator stairwell access to all floors. But if any of that shit breaks what's gonna happen? What if that shit breaks a few months into whatever hell-on-earth scenario set you underground? Who's gonna be around to fix it? It's a very good question I think and it's not sufficiently addressed on their

frequently asked questions page. Better hope one of the silo tenants is a damn good handyman. Or shit might go off the rails real quick. The website also states that the unit comes with a state-of-the-art kitchen with subzero refrigerator, ASCO dishwasher, Wolf dual fuel electric and propane professional range oven, Wolf microwave oven, and Wolf professional ventilation hood and granite countertop. As well as a state of the art Creston Home automation system with structured wiring throughout,

including closed circuit security camera viewing, digital weather station access, smoke and carbon monoxide detectors, satellite TV feed, and public and private internet access. And finally, four simulated view electronic windows. The windows have high definition camera feeds that provide lifelike outdoor views complete with varying light levels that reflect the time of day, creating a normal living experience as if you were above ground. And that actually is pretty cool. When you watch

the video they just have some kind of cameras up top on the silo and so whatever's going on outside it appears like you're looking out your window and seeing that even if you're 200 feet underground. The half floor units have similar amenities and appliances. Only they have just 940 square feet of living space, max occupancy of five people, two bedrooms and one bathroom. Speaking of bathrooms, interesting to note that Survival Condo is a toilet paper free facility. All toilets are bidets. It's because the amount of space needed to store five years worth of toilet paper

for each of the 75 residents would take up an entire floor of Silo. Smart. Anyway, the half units of Survival Condo are going for only 1.3 million plus a monthly maintenance fee of just $2,625. I mean, it's a steal. Below the seven residential floors is the classroom and library level. According to Hall, all the apartment owners at Survival Condo have two things in common. They are all multimillionaires and they all have children.

Because of this, the classroom level on floor 12 is totally decked out with highly advanced technology to ensure in the event of the apocalypse that the kids you know still get an education. I don't know what they're gonna need it for but they're still gonna get something. On this level kids between the ages of kindergarten through 12th grade can take self-guided lessons on brand new iMac computers or peruse the library. The computers are also enabled to Skype function where the students live in the silo will be able to video chat with kids, excuse me, living at another survival condo silo which has only been recently construction has just recently started. Not sure what that one is. Top secret. Even as the Wi-Fi around

the rest of the world goes to shit residents will still be able to surf the net kind of. While giving a video tour of the complex, Hall tells an interviewer that when you buy a unit at Survival Condo, and this actually is really smart, you fill out a form list and all your interests. Keywords related to your interests are then fed into an AI system that scans the internet, downloads every website that mentions them into massive hard drives stored at the facility. Below the classroom is the lounge level with a bar and a movie theater. Wonder if they have all 11 seasons of The Walking Dead on DVD. The movie room has four rows of recliner seats and a projector screen

akin to those you see in home theaters around America. The screen is hooked up to a media database with over 3,000 movies to choose from. Not a lot of info on the bar. Guess it's stocked with some shit better than Old Crow. Better than ditch whiskey. Below that level is the last living space of the survival condo, the gym. The sub training workout facility is furnished with a treadmill, elliptical trainer, an exercise bike, dumbbell racks, benches, lat pull down machine, cable machine, rowing machine, and more. You gotta get fucking ripped during the apocalypse.

The walls of the gym decorated with the mixed NFL team logos, life-sized cutouts of professional athletes, including hockey player Patrick Kane, soccer star, former soccer player David Beckham, basketball's Dwight Howard, football's Tom Brady. Right, how fun. While you work out, you can think about all those amazing athletes

who are almost certainly now dead, playing a sport that will never be enjoyed again because society has collapsed Interestingly amongst these sports legends are also life-sized cutouts of the Incredible Hulk Black Widow Superman Very cool superheroes that who no one will ever make movies about again since the film industry has been destroyed Besides the drama of the pool in the theater and the flat-screen TVs what really really makes Survival Bunker allegedly one of the most popular luxury doomsday shelters in the world is all of the exceedingly advanced safety systems it has in place. Some final highlights of the complex are the nuclear, biological, and air filtration systems,

nine-foot-thick nuclear hardened walls, three sources of electricity, large wind turbine, fortified electrical grid, and a massive diesel generator and diesel storage tanks. The geothermal system that automatically heats or cools the complex, and the military grade security system which includes visible spectrum cameras, infrared cameras, proximity sensors, trip sensors, and microphones. There's enough diesel stored to run the bunker for two and a half years, you know, if everything else isn't working. And of course, last but not least, according to the website, Survival Condo has its own confidential defensive systems, both automated and manually operated. Oh, fuck yeah. In theory, that all sounds very cool. But I can foresee a lot of problems

if there really is a need to stay in this thing for a couple years. For starters, there's no jail. What if someone goes rogue, starts freaking out under the stress of the apocalypse and attacking people? What then? Also, you know, if there's really going to be, you know, it's a wildly destructive event, are they really going to be able to maintain it like they should be able to? I mean, if they don't, shit goes off the rails. It's not like you can sue the company. There's no

more courts. And this is the biggest one, I think. Biggest problem, how long are those armed security guards going to stick around? Guarding the perimeter once the world goes to shit. If things get real bad, they're either immediately gone. It doesn't matter what they've signed. Society collapses. Things are really getting terrible out there. They're gone. Or worse, they just take over the silo complex. I mean, I would. I mean, if I'm working at that place and I know all about the facility and I'm trained in combat and you know, weapons and I have my family to worry about and the choice I'm left with is either to take over a unit or several or to let my family die? Well, guess who

just got a really expensive silo for free and is doing whatever the fuck he wants in the pool area? Drinking wind and however much he wants in the bar. Run in the theater. Yeah, we are watching Tombstone again. This guy. This guy might just try and turn that silo complex into a cult cult cult. If you want to, uh, if you want the protection provided by living in a nuclear launch facility, but you don't want to actually live in a nuclear launch facility and you have an extra hundred million lying around, you can opt to have a luxury bunker built in your very own backyard, which would have the added value of having a much better chance of being able to make it to your luxury

bunker in time. If shit went down, you know, fast because, you know, get into the middle of fucking nowhere Kansas might be, it might be a problem if things go off the rails Opidum is a Swiss technology engineering and development company and it's OPPI DUM if you want to look this up it is pretty fascinating they specialize in building what they describe as ultra luxurious underground residences and these things are pretty incredible Opidum offers clients three different models of these glammed-out bunkers, the Futurist, the Linear, and Le Heritage. Although there are only three baseline models to

choose from, each Oppidum safe house is customizable and designed specifically to meet the standards and expectations of the individual client. As they say on their website, our experts will take care of the safety and security elements of the residence, leaving you to have complete freedom to specify every aspect of its interior design, creating a luxurious hidden home that reflects your personal needs, tastes, and desires. Yes, those experts will totally make sure everything is running smoothly unless things outside get too scary then naturally they'll kill your entire family and they'll take your bunker. Possibly. They'll possibly do that and by possibly I mean

I don't see how they wouldn't do that in certain situations. In addition to being completely custom designed every Oppidum bunker is equipped with state-of-the-art and military grade technology to keep its inhabitants safe from whatever disruptive events occur in the outside world. Even if the rest of the world is submerged in a global energy blackout, Oppidum bunkers will hypothetically remain unimpacted. Each bunker is equipped with two independent diesel generators located in individual fireproof rooms. And then if that doesn't work, there's backup batteries

that have enough power to run the entire Oppidum for 24 hours. So you better hope those diesel generators work because otherwise that sounds terrible. That doesn't sound like those batteries last long enough to be very, very helpful. With opidum, you can watch the world burn while living in decadent, peaceful, luxurious comfort for one whole day if your diesel generators go down. The next day, you'll either slowly starve or suffocate in total darkness if you aren't murdered first by other bunker occupants who have gone mad from their dire hopeless circumstances. But don't think about that.

Oppidum. Live like there's no tomorrow. Truly, don't think about tomorrow. Tomorrow is full of terror and pain. Only focus on today with Oppidum. So yeah, hopefully you don't have to rely on the batteries. Opidum clients also have the option to add further off-grid energy sources to their build such as solar panels, wind generators, or even supposedly water turbines. Not sure how they're pulling that

off but that's what they claim. I didn't know you could just have a dam built to provide hydroelectric power for your doomsday bunker. Oppidum buildings are also furnished with two types of air filtration systems. The first is for peacetime operations and fills the underground mansion with fresh air from the world above. Second is a state-of-the-art military-grade system that filters radioactive, chemical, biological, and nuclear contaminants out of the air. This system is triggered automatically if any of these substances are present.

Opitums also have their own CO2 removal system to provide breathable air even if there is no fresh clean air outside the building. In addition to having an airlock entrance and exit, the bunkers can also be completely hermetically sealed using a system of motor-operated valves, hand-operated backup shut-off valves, blast doors, and air ducts. All in all, opitums are meant to withstand whatever, as they call them, disruptive events occur. As their website states, the structure is designed and constructed to last for centuries,

just like a castle, across several generations. But will there be food for several generations if the world is sufficiently fucked up outside your opitum? Not sure that's the best selling point. But I guess the selling point here is even if the world doesn't burn down during your lifetime or your children's lifetime, your grandchildren can live in style in the doomsday bunker you have provided for them. All right, going back to the luxury aspect of apodome, let's take a look at the most grandiose of the three building models, the Le Heritage,

grandiose of the three building models, the Le Heritage, right after today's mid-show sponsor break. And I'm back. If you don't want to hear any more ads, sign up to become a Spacelist on Patreon and get the entire catalog ad free and more. And now let's hear about the Le Heritage Luxury Doomsday Bunker. This is how the website describes their most expensive model. You find yourself in a magnificent space, with ceilings soaring almost five meters overhead, decorated with opulent hand-crafted glass chandeliers and custom-made furniture, and laid with fine-grained solid wood flooring. It's hard to believe you're deep under the ground, surrounded by thick layers of reinforced concrete.

Especially when you catch the scent of fresh flowers from the inner garden. Welcome home. You have truly arrived. The La Heritage model has 12,280 square feet of living space. Holy shit. Five bedrooms, seven bathrooms, and a starting price with only the most basic options, of course, of $60 million. The cheapest model is practically free.

Base price of only 8 million. Designed by French architect Marc Prigent, the La Heritage model is curated to look and feel like the like an opulent mansion on the French countryside. In the French countryside. An illusion that's pretty convincing especially given the faux skylights. I generally didn't even realize were fake when I was out looking at the pictures. Not only do the imposter skylights glow and darken to mimic the rise and fall of the sun in a clear blue sky, they also stream light down into the space and cast shadows like an actual skylight.

In addition to the five bedrooms and seven baths, you can basically add anything you want to the bunker given you have the appropriate funds to do so. Some of the optional add-ons listed on the website are an inner garden a cinema room a swimming pool a gym a sauna and staff quarters gotta have that staff to write out the apocalypse with price is not listed for those add-ons I'm sure you could end up dropping a another 60 mil easy on add-ons if you want to as architect mark prejean said in an interview with Forbes, Oppidum's clients all have very unique interests and needs

and the company is more than willing to fulfill their every whim. Yeah, I bet. Should they make a lot of money doing that? In the past, Oppidum has built for clients bunkers that have private art galleries. They built libraries, wine cellars, bars, game rooms, massive luxury car garages and more. You can watch, find a video from Oppidum. winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, winemakers, the heart of your hidden retreat, a relaxing yet inspiring space in which to meet friends and business associates, or enjoy quality time with your loved ones.

Access is via a separate entrance, allowing you complete security and discretion. At the touch of a button, the opaque safety glass wall becomes transparent, revealing your private art gallery beyond. The lounge is designed and appointed for living life to the full. Spacious and inviting, it provides a wonderful setting for intimate gatherings, family celebrations, and gala social occasions. A glorious sound system and bespoke lighting make it easy to create the perfect atmosphere. And with absolute privacy, I feel like that's how you should pronounce it on this website,

with privacy and security guaranteed, you and your guests can relax and enjoy every moment Isn't that what we all want? You know the end of the world to host a gala. I know I do Also, if you really need to hide out one of these things, are you truly ever gonna feel relaxed? I'm not sure a cool sound system nice lighting a art gallery or an inner garden is gonna be enough to distract you from the impending fucking doom Surrounding your opidum as the world burns above you Oppenham does have a yeah, really cool promotional video on YouTube. I can't believe they haven't disabled the comments though underneath it The comments are not I imagine helping them sell these things. I'll read a few. These represent the tone of the entire comment section.

Meg McEugen posts, if it is a wasteland outside, what the hell are you going to do with all the fancy cars and art? Try to trade them for cans of beans? Real call to life posts. Imagine the inevitable paranoia in one of those bunkers. Yeah, no, you're not just relaxing and enjoying some like classical music. You're down there just like pacing around. Just, when are they gonna get in? When is the food gonna out?

Poolyn898 posts. Why did I even get this as a YouTube ad? I'm on minimum wage for Christ's sake. Fair. Milo Joe Simovic posts, Batman must be their first customer. It does have Batman vibes. Upgradees posts, I still think I can get in there. Just give me some beer and a couple buddies,

we'll get her open. Pink Mascato posts, relax and unwind while the world outside burns. Yes, Nero is alive and well. And it just goes on and on like that. I would say the ratio of negative to positive comments is about 100 to 1. Another company offering spectacular survival systems and bunkers is SAFE. Strategically armored and fortified environments.

Company is based out of Virginia. They have clients all over the world. This shit is crazy. In a recent interview with the Hollywood Reporter, SAFE founder and president Al Corby talked about one of his most spectacular projects, a bomb-proof impenetrable island fortress in a landlocked part of the U.S. Now you heard that right. According to Corby, the project's client told SAFE that his number one priority, excuse me, was making sure no one could get to his family. This is awesome. They don't say where this is because i'm sure the person doesn't want people to know but i got i want to see this place so bad uh he says they decided to surround access to the shelter with a 30 foot deep moat here we fucking go this is the doomsday style is hoping

for fuck stylish luxury i want a moat and And if you're thinking, so what? People could just swim across the moat. No, they can't. Not unless they're flame resistant. Corby described how the water in the moat is skimmed with a lighter than water flammable liquid that can transform into a ring of fire. The only access to the island is a swing bridge. Yes! Fuck you, riff-raff! Try and swim across my fire moat. I dare you! I'd love it! I'm bored as shit in here! That's actually pretty dope. Wonder how effective that fire would be against zombies though. I mean, if a horde of apocalyptic zombies shows up, wouldn't they just keep jumping into the moat until they became a giant burning pile of undead flesh that eventually became so big that some of the zombies could walk above the fire? If I ever get a chance to talk to Al Corby, I'm going to ask him that question first thing

before I even introduce myself or say hello. The moat is also equipped with some water cannons. Well yeah, you gotta have water cannons on top of the fire ring that according to SAVE's president can take down parachuters, Apache helicopters, whatever's coming your way 500 feet in the air. God, I'm loving this. This is the best moat in the history of motes. I mean, those opidum bunkers are gorgeous. But where's the flammable moat? Where's the water cannons? Am I going on vacation?

Or am I trying to survive gangs of dystopian mutant marauders who probably have heads for hood ornaments and are keeping living human fuck toys in cages till they get tired of torches and decide to eat them? I don't need more than a secret gala room with a bitchin custom sound system and a fucking transparent glass where I can look at my art gallery. In addition to the flaming river of fire and of course the cannons. Corby's custom property is also protected by a man-made mountain range. Yeah, you heard me. They made a fucking mountain range. This doomsday bunker keeps getting better. I have an apocalyptic boner right now. If I had this place, I would probably be rooting for Doomsday so I can enjoy it. Corby described the building process of his man-made mountain like this. We took all the

dirt removed for the lake to literally build a mountain as natural fortification around the property. And we cut a tunnel. This is so over the top. And we cut a tunnel through with flamethrowers, gassing systems, a steel wall that closes midway that could stop a 16-wheeler going 80 miles an hour and bollards at both ends. More fire. Gassing system. Al Corby sounds absolutely fucking insane. I love it.

Al Corby sounds like somehow a nine-year-old was given billions of dollars just to start his own doomsday company. It's like, we got to have more gas and gas and missiles and a moat. I want a moat with fire. He's pulling it off. Safe also offers luxury bunkers that have their own medical suites equipped with state-of-the-art decant, oh my god, decontaminant booths. There we go. Whatever medical supplies you could ever need, operating tables and even CAT scan and x-ray machines. And if the world starts to burn, I doubt you'll have a hard time finding a few medical professionals willing to live with you on site and offer 24-7 care as opposed to dying with their families outside with most of the rest

of the world. In the same Hollywood Reporter article, Corby is also quoted saying, we installed a medical suite in a bunker on Long Island, and you feel like you are in the best equipped Cedar Sinai or Cleveland Clinic operating room. You can have every drug imaginable. You could possibly need locked-in cabinets that can be opened remotely by a physician. So it's all within the confines of the law. I'm guessing that cabinet system will be easy to break into if, you know, all the remote physicians are dead. Now for one more. This is a custom job. This is a big one. Big money.

One of the most tremendous luxury doomsday bunkers us plebeians have ever caught a glimpse of, ever, in the history of the world, is Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg's top secret mega compound on the beautiful little Hawaiian island of Kauai. While locals have referred to the compound as horrific or exploitive or an egregious example of neo-colonialism, those are all quotes, Zuckerberg affectionately refers to the property as Kula Ranch. Kula being the Hawaiian word for windward, just a windward ranch. Kauai is the smallest of the four main Hawaiian Islands and is populated by a tight-knit community of locals, locals

who have complained that their homeland has been severely disfigured by the invasive presence of Zuckerberg's gigantic 1400-acre compound. Old Zucks, he purchased the land in a series of deals for approximately 270 million dollars in 2014. 270 million just for the land. The first thing built on the property was a massive six-foot-tall concrete fence surrounding the entire perimeter, keeping nosy passerbys out as well as blocking his neighbors' view of the ocean beyond. Although Zucks has tried his best to keep the operation under wraps by making construction workers, visitors, and surrounding communities sign NDAs, it's pretty hard to hide a massive

fortress that it is massive. Some workers have been fired reportedly for leaking details about the property. Maybe some of them have even been executed by Zuck's notorious henchman, Tiago. Not sure, just a rumor I just made up. At the center of the property stands two colossal mansions reportedly connected by an underground tunnel. Each end of the world Acropolis is equipped with conference rooms, industrial-sized kitchens, living slash entertainment spaces, offices, elevators, and together boast 30 bedrooms and 30 bathrooms. Next

to the mansion is a large recreation center with a full-size gym, multiple pools, tennis court, sauna, hot tub, cold plunge. On the forested area of the land there are 11 disc-shaped tree houses of unknown purposes. They look pretty fucking sick though. Connect connected by rope bridges. There are more than a dozen other buildings scattered across the land, as well as an area dedicated solely to farming and agriculture. From that description alone, you might think that Zuck's new digs don't sound much like a survival bunker, more like a passion project slash corporate retreat.

However, Kula Ranch is absolutely being built to survive the end of the world. For starters, the property is completely self-sufficient. In addition to its own agricultural ranching apparatus, it also has its own independent electrical, energy, and water systems that are built specifically so that Zuck Man will not need to rely on any outside sources for these things. The water tank alone is 55 feet in diameter, rigged out with its own pumping and filtration systems. Additionally, every facet of the compound has been built to be secure The water tank alone is 55 feet in diameter, rigged out with its own pumping and filtration systems. Additionally, every facet of the compound has been built to be secure.

According to multiple sources, almost all of the doors in every single building on the compound are keypad operated. There are also multiple blind doors in the mansions, which is a fancy way of saying doors look like they're just part of the surrounding walls. Speaking of walls, the six-foot impenetrable barrier separate in the Facebook crater from the commoners outside also heavily guarded by staff as well as monitored by an uncountable number of security cameras. Security cameras, by the way, littered everywhere across the property. One of the ranch houses alone has over 20 cameras monitoring the exterior of that small structure.

But the real star of the doomsday show is the expansive underground Doomsday bunker. Construction on that has just recently begun. In December of 2023, Wired published an investigative piece breaking down the Zucks' blueprints for the bunker, planning documents for which they obtained through a long chain of public records requests. The author of the article, Guthrie Scrimjor, writes, that's an interesting name. You don't hear a lot of Guthrie Scrimjor writes, that's an interesting name. You don't hear a lot of Guthrie Scrimjors. And Guthrie writes, according to evidence reviewed by Wired, the project has relied on legal maneuvering and political networking, and at times it has

shown disregard for the local public. All the while, Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan continue to build one of the most expensive properties in the world. The article revealed that the underground shelter will be 5,000 square feet, consist of multiple rooms and sections dedicated to unlisted purposes. I bet they'll expand even more than that. Cue conspiracy crowd claims of kids being kept in cages and harvested for their adrenochrome. The plans reviewed by Wired confirmed that at least a portion of the bunker will be built to serve as a living space where inhabitants can sleep, eat, work, and be social. Another space in the bunker is listed as a mechanical room, though what exactly that

means is not made clear. Probably where adrenochrome will be harvesting and storage containers will be kept. All overseen by henchman Tiago, of course. The only entrance into the subterranean shelter will be through a tunnel connected to the underground passageway between the two mansions on the surface. The actual door of the bunker will be identical to that bomb shelter constructed out of metal and filled with concrete. Although the blast-proof entrance will be the only way to get into the stronghold, there will be an emergency exit in the form of a military-grade escape hatch that can be accessed via a ladder. When asked by Time Magazine as to what the purpose of the massive bunker is, Zuckerberg spokesperson, Brandy Hoffing Barr, stated that it was because

Kauai County encourages all homeowners on the island to build shelters, which sounds like bullshit. Brandy, technically though, she is not wrong. November 24th, 2000, Kauai County became the first municipality in Hawaii to implement a tax break for homeowners that build hurricane resistant rooms on their properties.

This is referred to as the Safe Room Tax Exemption and according to a 2019 claim form, there are four requirements all shelters must meet in order to be considered a safe room. In addition to being permitted with the county and meeting FEMA guidelines, all shelters must have an independent foundation, an independent 4-inch slab ceiling, ventilation by solar fan or PVC pipes, and a heavy steel gauge door that swings inward. Weirdly enough, intricate subterranean tunnel system and military-grade bomb-resistant concrete door are not listed as requirements for that tax break. What if you don't have millions and millions for a luxury bunker? Can you still have a doomsday bunker? Yeah you can. Just move to northern Idaho. There are realtors around here who specialize in properties with bunkers, not kidding, and there

are companies around here that will help you build your bunker a lot cheaper than what Oppidum charges like NWSS. Northwest Shelter Systems headquartered in the tiny unincorporated community of Naples, Idaho. It's up by Bonners Ferry, about an hour and a half drive north of where I sit right now in Coeur d'Alene. The self-proclaimed world leader in shelter technology. They've been around since 1990. Looks like their website was last updated in 1991. They built over 3,000 shelters capable of keeping you alive in a nuclear apocalypse scenario they claim. They also build panic rooms.

You can email them to set up a free consultation to build your bunker. Or you can order various bunker construction supplies from them and just DIY it. Just build it yourself. Do you need a lunar NBC filtration filtration system? Okay well it's just $9,896. What about a concrete filled blast hatch with a collar? $4,774.25 strangely. EMP box? $2,100 even. Vault blast door? $8,895. And they also offer very reasonable prices on gun safes, wall sleeves, safe handles, vent pipes and more. And actually I'm not sure that their prices are reasonable because I have no idea how

much a lot of that shit is supposed to cost. But they do sell it and sell plans to pour your own concrete, dig your own bunker hole, everything. They're a one-stop shop for you to buy everything you will need to build what would be very likely your tomb. Doomsday bunkers, especially luxury doomsday bunkers, such a fun thing to daydream about for you to buy everything you will need to build what will be very likely your tomb. Doomsday bunkers, especially luxury doomsday bunkers, such a fun thing to daydream about, but I doubt I would actually want one if I did have the money. If things get so bad

that I'm going to need to hide underground for years in an airtight radiation-proof bunker just to, you know, survive and probably die at the end of those years because the world up top might not be livable anymore I think I would just rather die. I mean if it's just gonna be shitty for a couple years. Okay fine But outside of that now, I'd rather die. I mean, what would I do when I went back on the surface? There's not gonna be fucking podcasting anymore. There's no more stand-up What's the fun of being a storyteller in a world where there's no one left alive to hear your stories? Although if I could have an opulent opidum that also was surrounded by a fire mote with water cannons and a fucking mountain fence

with one access tunnel full of flamethrowers and gassing devices. Okay. Okay. All right. All right. Yeah, I think I would like that. I think that would be a pretty damn entertaining way to write out the end times. And that's it for this edition of Time Sucks Short Sucks. If you enjoyed this little story, check out the rest of the Bad Magic catalog. Beefier, not just bite-sized episodes of Time Suck every Monday at noon Pacific time. New episodes of the now long-running paranormal podcast Scared to Death every Tuesday at midnight, plus fictional nightmare-fueled horror stories some Fridays to a month ideally. A big thanks to Molly Jean Box for suggesting

this topic and providing initial research. And thanks to Logan Keith for recording and uploading today's episode. Please go to BadMagicProductions.com for all your bad magic needs and have yourself a great weekend.