Tin Foil Hat With Sam Tripoli - Twisted With Sam Tripoli EP 13: Traffic Court Tripoli

Episode Date: July 16, 2015

Tripoli's back ranting and raving about the trials and tribulations of his hectic life! Tripoli makes a huge announcement about the Naughty Show. Then Sam discusses his incredible fourteen and three r...ecord in traffic court, his trip to Vegas for the NBA Summer League, why the rapper Wes Walker should quit rapping and he answers you questions! All of this and more on a new hour of Twisted with Sam Tripoli!

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Oh my lord, it is time for yet a minute, come on the mic up, come on the right, come down niggin', come down, niggin', ya'am'a'er, come down, n'er, come down, nightie'a'er, come down, n'er, come down, n'er'li'e'e'a'e'e'er, n'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'a, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t, t'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'''e'e'e'e'e''''''''''''''''''''''''''e''e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'er, t'er, t'er, t'er, t'er, t'er, t'er, t'e''e''e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e'e''e'''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''''e''''''''e'''''e'e'e'e' Come down the right. Come down. Lidie on the left. Let go, niggins. Oh my lord, it is time for yet another episode of Twisted. Thank you all for tuning in and thank you all for saying such nice stuff about I should do this every week or, you know, when's the next Twisted? I really appreciate you guys listening and I'm very happy you guys enjoy it. Let me tell you why I don't do Twisted Every Week, even though I love doing it and
Starting point is 00:00:47 I think I could do it. I don't do it because I don't know if people want to do people want four hours. Four hours of podcasting from me. Like I have some fans and I'm very thankful for them. I don't know if anybody wants to hear me for four hours. Because because because because I because I because I to to to to stop to stop to stop to stop the international, because I the international, because I to to the international, I to to the inter to the inter the inter to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thi, I don't to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to their, I, I their, I their, I, I their, I th. I th. I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm thin, I thin, I thin, I thin, thin, thin, I thin, thi thin, I like that has, that could be, I feel like, you know, with a guy who deals with the recovery all the fucking time, you know, constantly dealing with recovery and fighting to stay sober. Like I fight every day. People always ask me, like, you know, what's it like to be a drug addict, you know, or I hate that. What's it like to have a problem to have a to have a problem, to have, to have, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, like, like, the, the, the, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, I, like, I, I, I, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, I, the, the, the, I, they.a, the, they. I, they. If, they. If, like, like, like, like, like, like drug addict, you know, or I hate that. What's it like to have a problem with drugs? Do you want to do it?
Starting point is 00:01:28 And I've said it before on the podcast. I think about doing drugs every day I wake up. I literally, the first thing that pops my mind, I'm not even lying, is that, can I do drugs today without getting completely, without ruining my life. I think about it all the time. So that's where I'm at. And that's why I like the International Bad Boys Hour because you know, Steve and Chelsea are both really hilarious human beings
Starting point is 00:01:56 who have kind of gone through, I heard a pop there, hopefully. Oh, I know what that was. Okay, sorry guys. The little, little cord was there. They're both really funny. And the feedback that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that's that's that's that's th, th, th, th. thii, that's, that's, that's, thi, thi, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, th. thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, th, th, th, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that, that's where, that's where, that's where, that's where, that's where I's where I's where I's where I's where I's where I's where I'm that that, thi. that was. Okay, sorry guys. The little cord was there. They're both really funny. And the feedback we get from everybody is that they really appreciate the podcast. And I think that people need to hear that podcast and hear how bad people's lives were and how good they are now. I struggle sometimes with whether I should put just sober people on. Because I think it's funny also to hear stories of people who still are partying. Because I don't hate people party. I wish I could do it. I wish I could just party a little, but that's not possible. I only know just go fucking nuts.
Starting point is 00:02:34 I don't want, I never understood let's have a beer. What is that about? Why have a beer? Why not drink all the beer? And maybe get some vodka, and then let's find a Mexican who's got cocaine and let's do cocaine and let's go to try fuck chicks who want more cocaine And then next thing you know someone's in jail someone doesn't know where they are we don't know where we're going all that shit You know what I'm saying like so that's me I like or nothing. I don't like to just have a sip. I want to go like Led Zeppelin, 70s, it fucking world tour, let's just burn down the city. That's what I believe it. And I know people are like that too. So it's a struggle. So that's why I like that thing. So I do this when I can. thrown. We couldn't do a this this this show a show a show a show a show thoe. thoe. thoe. thathea thathea thathea that's that's that's that's that. that. that. that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's why I like that that that that that that that that that that that that the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. theat. that's why I's why I's that's the. that's that's the. that's the. that't do a show this week because everybody was out of town.
Starting point is 00:03:25 And I had a whole bunch of stuff happening. Oh yeah, the reason, let me get the dates out of the gates real quick and I'll tell you why we couldn't do the international bad boys this week. We're supposed to have Terrapatikon. Joe Rogan had to cancel because he says he's gonna be slammed the whole rest of the month. he's he. their. their. their. their. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi's thi's thr-I's the reason, thr--in. the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason, the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason. the reason, the reason. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thr-in. thr-I's thr-I's thr-I's togeea-s. thr-I's thr-I's thr-I's tea' thr-I's thaea' thr-s. thr-s. So he says he's going to come back in August he'll be on the show. So I'm very excited about that. The reason, real quick dates out of the gates. Tomorrow night you'll be hearing this hopefully today. So you'll probably listen to this on the Thursday. So tonight I will be at the comedy store hosting Arshafirs. This is not happening. The lineup is awesome. Matt Brongar, Christine. Chnski, the Scalar Brothers, and Tom Green. I'm very happy to be on the lineup. I'm very thankful to be hosting it. I appreciate Ari asking me to do it.
Starting point is 00:04:12 It's just good to be back in the mix. I felt like I went on this kind of run for a while, where nobody wanted to use with that guy. You know? So, sober Sam is that easy work. So I'm debating on what story I should tell Aaron. Should I tell my story about me doing prompt stock, my friend doing two hits of liquid acid, then eating mushrooms, then stripping naked, jerking off, trying to beat everybody up and dry hump them? Or should I do the time that I smoke crack with silver-a-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-s th. th. th. th. to beat everybody up and dry-humped them, or should I do the time that I smoked crack with Silver Robot guy and we were hanging out and we smoked crack for two hours and then he tried to suck my dick and then I, we got in a fight and I ran.
Starting point is 00:04:55 They're both great stories. Or should I tell the time I got in a car chase with LAPD and the police helicopters and I, I had a car the car the their their their the police and th. th. th. I had the police and th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. I had a th. C. I got. C. I'm th. I'm the police helicopters and I Had a car that Pablo Francisco gave me that he won in a cocaine field poker game That I jumped the media and lost half my car and I worked at the center So I valet parked my car which I'm the first person to be in a high-speed police car chase and valet park your car Nobody ever thinks that's that's thinking out of the box So those are the three stories I might tell. Now I also have a story about Brad Williams. Brad Williams, no Brad Williams. Brad Williams has a funny story about the time I was working with him at the Ha Ha Ha ta and he was he was doing a joke
Starting point is 00:05:40 apparently John Stamos from Full House is midget phobic. I think that's the name for it. Little people scared, I don't know, which is a weird phobia to have. That's like being afraid of kittens. Like, oh, I'm afraid of kindie gardeners. They make me ner- I feel like they could attack at any time. These tiny little six-year-olds. They're up to no good. I got my eye on them. That's, like, like, like, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I's, th. th. th. I's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm that's, I'm that's, I that's that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I that's, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi These tiny little six-year-olds, they're up to no good. I got my eye on them. That's like the same thing with little people. Like I'm afraid of little people. Like, what are they going to do to you? All they can do is give you candy or show you where the gold is. Why are you afraid of little people? There's no reason. He's got this great joke about it. And I was watching this guy and he's telling the joke at the Ha in front of a room full of Mexicans. And like when Mexicans see a mystical beast telling
Starting point is 00:06:30 punchlines, they go fucking crazy. It's like someone hit fucking a pinata and green cards fell out. They go fucking crazy. But this one table is really getting upset. This one guy is really getting upset. This one guy is getting so upset at Brad Williams telling this fucking story. And I'm watching and he's like, he's throwing his hands up like, like, like when old people talk about what happened to the country. What happened in my country? That's the look he was getting. He slams his, sorry I know you're going to piss me on the, he slams the table, drinks his beer, slams it down, storms out. I'm like, I have to see this.
Starting point is 00:07:09 What is going on with this guy? So I walk out and this dude is chain smoking. And he's pacing outside the ha ha ha. And I'm like, dude, is everything okay? He's like, dude. He's like, thu- thu, thu, thu I go yeah that sounds weird he's like no you don't get it dude this is a true fucking story he was you don't fucking get it man I love Stamos I love I go he he goes I told my fucking girlfriend this is all true I told my girlfriend this is all to go I told my girlfriend if I had to get gay with one man, it would be John Stamos.
Starting point is 00:07:47 I go, if you had to, he goes, yeah. If I'd like suck a dick, I would suck Samos's dick. I go, hold on, let's look at this, I'm a comedian. There's a lot of things going on here. I go, if you had to, that the suck Samos's dick. I thiiiiii, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, tho, tho, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, thooooooooooooooooooo, that, tho, tho, tho, that to? Like, what does that mean you had to? Like, if you had to suck Stamos' dick? Under, like, what are circumstances in which you're forced to chomp on 80 sitcoms star John Stamos' fucking junk? And he goes, I go, like, if aliens come down, and they're like, We want to destroy our planet, unless one of you steps forward, and slabs on Jane Stamos' dick, like that?, you, that, that, that, that, you, you, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, th' th' th' th' th' th' thus, thus, thus, th' th' to to to suck, to suck, to suck, to suck, to suck, to to to to to to to to, like, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, th's, th's, th's, th's th's, th's th's th's th's th's th's th's th's th' th' th' th' thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, thus, like, thus, like, like, thus, thus, thus, to suck, like, to suck you steps forward and slabs on Jane Stamos' dick, like that, or like you're Liam Neeson in taken and they're going to kill your family unless you crush Stamos's root? Is that what you're talking about? I could tell that story too. So I'm going to be there tomorrow night. I'm also going to be I am very excited
Starting point is 00:08:46 This week. I'm in La Jolla with a very funny George Perez So it will be a great show. I'm very excited about following. He's a good guy. I think it's gonna go him and then this kid named Matt Kirtzen who was this British kid who's very funny He's a very funny guy. So it's gonna be him and I there's two shows on Sunday. th. th. tod. tod. tod. to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. to be. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to. the the the the to the and I there's two shows on Sunday on Friday two shows on Saturday so that'll be a good show it's this kid where is he where is he? Oh fuck you okay fuck it I'll look somewhere else. And then I am very excited to be at the punchline Tuesday and Wednesday at the San Francisco
Starting point is 00:09:29 Punchline with my boy, Jason Tibo and Stewart from the comedy store is going to stop by, so it's going to be mean in both nights. So come out Punch Drunk fans, come out Noddy Show fans. And it's very interesting because people always want to advertise when I'm coming to town that I'm part of the naughty show and I'm very thankful but the naughty show really is a LA thing it's big in LA it's big in the LA community if you said hey dude you know the Nodys show everyone be like yeah I know Noday I know Noday I don't know how big it is now I know I I did the podcast forever. Yeah, I did the podcast forever. I just never felt like the Nauty Show guys big as it could have been. I do think that the international bad boys will get fucking monstrous. So those are the dates. A lot of great shit coming on.
Starting point is 00:10:18 I'm very thankful. We'll keep it going. But I want to get into why I could not. What time do we start the the the the the the th the th to start to start to start to start to start to start to start to start the the to start the to start to start the to start to start the to start the to start to start to start to start to start to the to to to to be the the the tho- thia- thiou- thi. I thi. I thi- their the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to be to be the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the night. I the night. I thi. I thi. I tooo' to'noughoughea'nigho'n'n'n'nigho'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'n'eo'eo'eo'e. I to get into why I could not... What time do we start, by the way? Destination? Ten and a half minutes ago. So we started at... Okay. I just want to make sure that I stick to my time. So, okay.
Starting point is 00:10:39 11 minutes ago. The reason I could not make it to do a podcast on Monday was that I had traffic court Monday and my girlfriend didn't want me to show up early to pick my time so I had sent him my money, my bail through the mail and they picked your time and my time was 1.30 on Monday. And I'm really lucky because I didn't get out of there to almost four and I'll tell you why. I showed up and as you know I am, I don't know, maybe you don't know Aaron, I am now after this case I'll get into a 14 and 3 in traffic court. I have been given tickets in this town. In the 15 years I've been in Los Angeles,
Starting point is 00:11:29 I've been given 17 tickets. I have fought each one of them. I have won 14 of those battles. Those wars with the LAPD and Los Angeles municipal court system. I have taken 14 wins and lost three. If I was an MMA fighter, I would be talked about possibly a fighter to away from fighting for a title. I take a lot of pride in that. That I am a man who has beaten the system more than he's been beat. That's thousands of dollars that I've saved myself through the legalese. I have, most of those those those those those those those those those those those those those those those th th th th th th th tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho thus thus thus thus thus thoes, thoes, thi thi thi the. If the thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi. If I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was I was th. I was th. I was th. I was th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi thi thi that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that. I was that. I was I was I was that thousands of dollars that I've saved myself through the legalese.
Starting point is 00:12:06 I have, most of those are where the cops didn't show up through a system of me, pushing it as far as I can, as often as I can back. I will do it all the time. I will push it back two years if I can. Before this guy decides not to show up. They have shown up three times. I've actually been allowed to cross-examine the cop twice. So, this is the first time that I actually had a witness. I subpoenaed my girlfriend. I subpoenaed my girlfriend with paperwork.
Starting point is 00:12:42 She had to show up on this court date so that I can cross-examine her at the court. It was the coolest thing I've ever done. So me and Dana go down, we're preparing for. Of course, like everything, I get lectured by her and what I'm going to do. Even though I'm the guy who's won 13 of his previous 16 cases. She's given me lectures, how I'm going to do this. We pull up, we, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, we're their, we're their, we're their, we're their, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their, th. thi, their, their, their, it's the c. It, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, the c. It's the c. It's the c. It's the coolest, the coolest, the c. It's the c. It's th. It's the c. It's th. It's th. It's thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, thin, the coolest, thin, th. th. th. thin, th. th. thin, the coolest, the coolest, thin, that the coolest, the. It's th. It's th lectures how I'm going to do this. We pull up, we're going back and forth, I'm telling her no this is how you got to react to this. We're discussing strategies here. The worst thing happens to me dude. I park my car, I get out of my car, I split the seat of my pants in my
Starting point is 00:13:24 suit. I have a giant gash from the top of my crack to to the seat of my pants in my suit. I have a giant gash from the top of my crack to the bottom of my crack. But I can't go back home and change. My court is, I may have to be in court in 10 minutes. I can't miss my court case or else I, not only do I forfeit my bail, but there's a fine for not showing up. And they're not like a $20 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $30 fine, $50 fine, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I th, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I'm, I thi, I'm $1, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I, I, I, I, I thi, I, I, I, I, I, I thi, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I th, I I I I I I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I thi, I thi, I'm $1, I'm $1, I'm thi, I'm not thi, I'm not thi, I'm not thi thiologe, I'm thi, I'm thi, I'm not thi, I'm thi, I'm th bail, but there's a fine for not showing up. And they're not like a $20 fine, $30 fine, $40, we're talking hundreds of dollars in fines. Because that's how they make money. See, the Los Angeles is so broke, they use tickets as a back tax. And by the way, folks, if you got Traffic Court, do not hire a lawyer. Don't hire a lawyer. It's the... I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I tha, I th. And, I, I tho, I, I, I, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, th. That, th. That, th. That, th. That, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, the, the, the, the, the. And, the. And, the. the. the. tho. the. the. thooo. the. We're, thi. We're, the a lawyer. Don't hire a lawyer.
Starting point is 00:14:06 It's the, I see people hire lawyers all the time, and they all just plead out no contest, guilty. You just blew another $300 on a guy that could do what you can do. All you have to do is watch one season of law and order. And you can be your own lawyer in traffic court. It's not a murder case. You're not going to be, your life isn't online. You're not looking at 30 years here.
Starting point is 00:14:32 You're looking whether you're going to get your money back or not. Be your own lawyer. You don't need a lawyer. Unless you get a DUI. That's the only time you need a lawyer is if you get a DUI, but if it's a travel, it's a, if it's a trans, what's the word I'm looking for, a moving violation? You don't need a lawyer. Just do yourself. Watch a couple of, I've, dude, I've watched so much law and order. Dude, I do motion, I've done motions for continuous, motions for dismissal.
Starting point is 00:15:05 I was going to ask the court if I could treat my witness as hostile. That was my, I told I'm like if you don't answer my questions these way, I'm going to ask the court if I get the permission to treat you as a hostile witness. I was dying to do that, dude. So my whole thing with this, let me explain to you why I got ticket. The truth of the matter is that there's an intersection in Los Angeles called, it's on Wilcox and Selma. What you need to know about Wilcox Selma, it's an intersection between Hollywood and Sunset and it's really busy because there's a post
Starting point is 00:15:44 off right there so there's a ton of fucking traffic everywhere. I had to meet Dana at the post office because I had to give her something and because she loves busting my balls to see her dog whenever we can. She'll be like me and Pollyanna we're on the corner of this come say hi she wants to see her and I have to show up because if I don't show up to see my dog, that means I don't love my dog. And I gotta hear this forever. And I love Dana, but she busts my balls on fucking us loving our child, this puppy.
Starting point is 00:16:18 Who I love the death. I love Stinkbutt. The Joker. I mean we got a million names of Silver Bullet. I got names for days. My dog is like a fucking stripper with multiple personalities. She has so many stage names. So my, so I meet up with her, I forget what I give her, I kiss my dog, tell I love her, I take off. So I'm heading north to south on Wilcox. I go to make a turn which I do every day, because this is part of my traveling park going
Starting point is 00:16:56 down the street, I make a turn to go left on the Selma. Out of nowhere because the traffic is so thick The whole street is blocked up, but there's no signs in which told you you can't turn that way So I go to turn in I can't go that way I'm coming traffic is coming south to north at me the traffic from north to south to the to proceed to go forward. I'm stuck, right? So I shoot in the middle lane, I go there. I try to get in to the lane that is going north to south on Selma because it's Los Angeles and everybody's a bunch of cock suckers. Nobody will let me in. And I keep seeing space, so I keep moving up to go. And then I see a cop. And I'm like, fuck, I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong, I'm in the wrong, I'm in the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho, I.. I, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, because, I'm, because. I'm, because. I'm, because. I'm, because. I'm, because. I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the throwne. the the the the the the thoooooo. the throwne. throwne. throwne. throwne, tho, th month I go I you ever watch it cop past you
Starting point is 00:17:45 go don't turn around don't turn around don't fucking turn around and all of a sudden here he puts on his he puts on his he puts on a sirens I'm like oh fuck he's turning around and this is how congested the street was man it literally he had to do this he had to do like a literally a 19 point turn he had to go pop pop back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back back to to to to to to to the the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to tttto to tto tto to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the this. He had to do like a literally a 19 point turn. He had to go, Poop, pop, pop, poppup, poppah, go, forward back, forward back, forward back, forward back, to get to me. So I decided, after he pulls me over, my dog wants to rip him a new asshole, because I had pick, oh yeah, I got the, I got Pollyanna, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, forward, for, forward, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, for, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, yeah, I got the, I got Pollyanna from Dana and put her in my car to take her home because Dana was gonna go do so that's why I was being up with
Starting point is 00:18:28 Dana because I had to get the car and get the dog. So I go and I, I pull in, he pulls me over, I pull into this, he writes me a ticket, you know. And they always like to act like they're doing you a favor. This, thak, thak, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, thi, that, that, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, that, that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's why, that's that's that, that, that, ththis, this, and this, but I'm only going to give you this. And like, dude, you're a dick for pulling me over at all. Anything past this is fucking asshole. Okay? That's like somebody, no, I'm not gonna get in that, but the point is he's an asshole. So I go back and I videotape, because there was no sign something I could move, I get so excited. My girlfriend's like, thuuuuu- like, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, you're like, you're like, thi, thi, you're like, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you thi, you thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi. And, thi, thi, thi, sign somebody I couldn't move which put me in stuff. I videotape everything. I get so excited. My girlfriend's like, dude, you got to calm down. You're really going nuts. Because I getting so excited about cross-examining the police. Nothing gets me more excited about cross-examining a police
Starting point is 00:19:17 officer. Because I did it before and I won my last case when I cross-examined a cop. Because I th, the the the the the the their their their th. th. th. I was thuuu, thu, I was thi thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, told told told told told told told told, told, told, told, told, told, told, told, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, told me, told me, their, to told her that the cop basically cock-blocked me. Because we were in standstill traffic, and this chick, I was made a move on this hot chick in the car who's driving, I took my seatbelt off to go kiss her. He walked, this is how slow the traffic was, he walks up with a flashlight and pulls us over. Like that's that's that's that's th, that's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the th, th, th, th, th, the th, the th, th, the th, th, th, thu, the thu's, the thu. the the thus, thus, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the the the their, the the the their, their, their, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thanks, thanks, was than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, was than's than's than's than, was thi not threatened by moving traffic he was. They could walk in the lane with a fucking light bright and fucking pull us over. So I told to judge that for this past case. She quotes Shakespeare and goes, love is love, you can't blah, blah, blah, dismiss.
Starting point is 00:19:58 The court goes crazy. So I'm excited about this. So my coal is to get to this guy to admit that I couldn't go anywhere else. I had to go down the middle lane. So I go, may I approach, now remember I have a full slit in my ass crack. So I'm dealing with getting laughed at by everybody at this court. The pressure's on, dude. I can get, I'm not, what's more degrading than getting laughed at and losing my bail? And getting found guilty. The heat is on, dog.
Starting point is 00:20:31 I don't know how Perry Mason felt, like half his episodes. Like there's a pressure to fucking win. So I walk, I go, okay, he gave his thing, which is very sterile. I saw him pulling the middle lane, go down the blah, blah, blah. it it it it it. It it. It it. It's. It's. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. th. the. the. the. the, the, the, the, the, the, the, thi. the thi. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the thi. the the the the the thi. the thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. the the the the the the the th. the. the. the. the. theateateateate. theateateate. theateateate. theateate. the the the. the. sterile. I saw him pulling the middle lane go down the blah blah blah blah It's illegal. I pulled him over. So he doesn't mention anything about the traffic Anything about any of any of the You know what circumstances? Nothing so I go. so I go. May I go? go. theyres. I establish? that. thi. thr. I go? the theyre. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I'm. I'm. I'm. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I'm. the. the. the. the. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the board. I go, okay. So she goes, yes, you can. I go, I go, I go, here's, I establish which way we're going, blah, blah, blah, I go, officer, blah, blah, can you describe the
Starting point is 00:21:12 way the tree and describe the traffic and he used it was free-flowing. I'm like, I got this guy. I go, hey, describe the traffic going from Selma West to Eth. He goes, I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, the, I, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th, th, th, th, the, th. th. th, the, th. th. th. to, to, to, to, to, I to, I to, to, the, the, the, the, the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, I the, the, the, to, th, th, to, th, th, to, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, the, the, the, they, they, they, to, they. to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, say it was free-flowing. Not, and it wasn't, because that the construction signs were up. I go, I got him. I fucking got him. He just admitted something that isn't true. So I go back, I go, I have, your honor, he, blah, blah, blah, he said the tribe was free-floan It was not free-flown and this is why and I bring out all my pictures. Which is hilarious because I print out my pictures. By the way, a Mexican guy went on after me showed his fucking, showed, showed pictures he got from Snapchat. Is the first time ever in traffic history, someone has used Snapchat as evidence. He shows Snapchat.
Starting point is 00:22:07 So I show him this, and then I go, I have this video, I'd like to show you, she goes, it's on my iPad, she goes, is it on a CD-ROM? I go, no, she goes, I will not allow you to add to submit that evidence. I go, who still has CDs? I go, who still has CDs? CDs. Where are you from lady? 2004? Nobody works with CDs anymore. But it's okay so I had this blah blah blah I call my girlfriend she says exactly what what I
Starting point is 00:22:34 need her to say and I go your honor may I question the witness she goes yes you can I asked her about Dana would you describe the traffic as free flow and she goes no not at all not even close it was an artery and I kept trying to ask her the traffic as free-flow?" And she goes, no, not at all, not even close. It was an artery. And I kept trying to ask her, the judge goes, okay, sir, stop. And I'm like, no, I got a couple more questions. It's like, sir, I said stop,
Starting point is 00:22:52 unless you want to to find you in contempt. I'm like, you, you can go now, you don't have to go, you can go back to work. Thank you so much for staying. She released him. She crosses, she goes, sir, you're acting a little crazy. I'm gonna hold off, I'm ruling on this case till later. She makes me sit down. I have to stay the whole rest of the day in court.
Starting point is 00:23:27 Here's a creepy thing, dude. The cop stays the whole time. And not even in the court. He's sitting in the hall watching, waiting to find out. It's like, what's your problem, dude? Why do you actually give a shit? It doesn't affect you at all. Creepy, today, thi to to to to to to to to to to to to to to th. th. thu, thu, thu, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, the the the the the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the c. the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop, the cop. the the the the the the the the the the thi, thi. toda, toda, toda, toda, toda, tip. toda, tip. today, today, the cop. the cop. the cop. Creepy dude, stalker cop. So she calls me up, she goes,
Starting point is 00:23:47 Mr. Triple, I want to say some to you. You tried your hardest to get me to hate you. I go what? She goes, you true. And it's just my Armenian anger that comes out when I hear somebody lying, I just go Armo crazy. And it's like I'm like the human torch from fantastic floor. I just I just want to go crazy. It's just Armenians. That's why we must have heart attack. The rate of an Armenians having heart attacks I bet just way higher than any other ethnic group. Because we go zero to murder instantly.
Starting point is 00:24:20 Do you hear about the guy who owns Zanku chicken? If you don't know what Zanku Chicken is you're not from Los Angeles, it's literally the best chicken kebabab place you'll ever eat at. The original owner murdered his entire family. Probably because they wouldn't shut up in traffic court. She goes, listen, I, I really want to find you guilty. I do. She goes, because technically you did break the law but she goes in the name of justice I'm going to dismiss your case but you're fucking evident I mean your attitude and your overzealousness made me really not want to help you out. I go I'm sorry. She goes just because of that I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm going to assess a $25 dismissal fee.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Have you ever heard of that? That's just a make-up tax. She just made up a fee, just to fuck with me, man. Just make it up. It was so funny because when she was on the, on the seat, when she was in the judge's chair, presiding, she was very stern. Veraboo. I'm not taking any shit. Just because I'm a female judge, I'm not going to take shit. And then after she was done, she took it off. It was almost like one of those herbal essence commercials where she slowly undid
Starting point is 00:25:41 her hair and it, like something from a like something from a, uh, a teen comedy, you know, like a movie, like what was that? Fast Times of Rich Mount High when, what's her face gets, a feme, gets out of the water and she just starts doing her hair slowly and undoes those fucking monster tits. So that was it. 14 and 3, the city proud to announce that dude. 14 and 3. The city of Los Angeles has tried to F me with a back tax. It makes me feel like I'm getting old now too. I really do feel. I mean was the cop still out there after she made that decision. No I was very nervous he's gonna give me that oh you think
Starting point is 00:26:20 you thin. You think you're the winner? Really? You didn't win shit. And he's just going to follow me around. But no, man, you know it's so funny is the next thing I want to talk to you guys about was my trip to Las Vegas. I went to the NBA Summer Leagues. And I looked up and I saw a guy who looked exactly like him. I'm like, this guy's crazy. He's following me the thirty. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, th. I, th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thin, thi, think, think, think, thi, thi, thi, think, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th. th. th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You thi. You know, thi. You thi. thi. thi. thi, the Vegas. Yeah, so that was it. I went to, I recently, oh fuck. Let me see if I could do this. Uh, yeah, so, oh, dude, did I, I didn't make the big announcement. This would be a good time. I want to announce that August, August 6th, I'm doing a humongous naughty show, probably the biggest naughty show I have ever done in my to to to to to th... th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. this, I've this, I've this, I've this, I've this, I've this, I've this, this, this, this, I've this, I've this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, I've, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, thi. I've thi. I've thi. I've this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, thi, thi, I've thi, I've a humongous naughty show.
Starting point is 00:27:05 Probably the biggest naughty show I have ever done in my life, and I've done big ones. This is the biggest one I've ever done at the W. Hotel in Hollywood, in the old Dres Club. The naughty show, we got Joe Rogan, Steve Renizzi, Tiffany Hattish myself. I'm going to add one more big name to the lineup. It's gotta figure out who's in town. It's gonna be the greatest show I've ever done. This thing's gonna be huge. The W's huge for me. And I'll tell you why, because it's a name brand of excellence. And you have to get somebody like that on your side to be able to make the moves I want to make, which is the the the to get the to get the to get to get the to get the to get the to be, the the to be, the the to be, the the the to be, the tho, tho, to be a to be a to be a thoes, to be a tho, thi, the, to bea' to bea' the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the the, the the the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the the, the the the the, the the, the, thin, the, thean, toooan, and tooan, and tooan, and tooan, tooan, and tooan, tooooooooooooooooooooo, the moves I want to make, which is to get the naughty show in Las Vegas. I've been trying that for the six years I've been doing this show. That's the goal. Television with the naughty show, which I don't know if I could do that. I can't. I could do the
Starting point is 00:27:54 naughty show on TV. I'd have to change it up. But the problem with Hollywood is they don'm not white, I'm considered a white guy, but nobody wants to hear about white guy sexuality on television. Right? Like if Amy Schumer was a guy, would anyone want to hear a story about her getting drunk and fucking everybody? I love Amy Schumer and that's nothing you can not occur and it's her time. She's a great comic. But does anybody want to hear about that? I mean, you could say, you could say to a point the hangover is that but they were it wasn't really about fucking everybody that moves She bangs like 30 guys in this this is like a good a mainstream gang bang flick And I'm cool that I think she's hot some people think she's overweight I like thick dude That's upstate New York ass right there. That's why I call ghetto country.
Starting point is 00:28:48 Like fat chicks who like fucking rap music. White fat chicks who like rap music. That's what I'm into. And I have this theory that thick chicks have tighter snatches. I just said that. Why do I feel like a scumbag as soon as I said that? Because nobody in comedy ever wants to talk about that. Why do I feel like a scumbag as soon as I said that? Because nobody in comedy ever wants to talk about that. I'm getting tired of white chicks over 35 coming up to me after my show
Starting point is 00:29:13 tell me about what I need to work on in comedy. Like don't tell me I'm not, I'm working stupid. I get told, and it's only white chicks over 35 that want to do that. You're not, don't you think it can work smarter? Really? The lady who looks like she dances with Ellen every fucking mid-afternoon? Really, that's smart comedy? And I love Ellen. Ellen's a great comic.
Starting point is 00:29:34 I like the rainbow of comedy. I can love Doug Stano and Bill Hicks. And also appreciate Ellen and Jeff Foxworthy. Because they're thine thine thine thine thine their their their they're they're they're they're they're their they're they're their thine white they're thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine thine th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thian, thian, thian, thian, that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi, thi, th they do but don't tell me that they're fucking doing smart shit Just because they don't have they don't use adult words doesn't mean they're smart That just means they're safe and you mistake safe for smart because you're fucking sucking your own dick lady That went nowhere fast, but the truth is August 6th huge showth. Huge show, like, now I got, now I got the comics, I have to work on the burlesque dancers. So my whole, I gotta get a DJ and a burlesque dancers.
Starting point is 00:30:14 This is gonna be the first time I produce my own nightclub. How huge is that? How fucking crazy is that? That's nuts. I'm gonna be a nightclub producer. But this is what I need to get to where I want to go. I have to work in a fucking environment like this. Because the W has huge name recognition. I mean, I'm working in the old Dres room. That's where rappers and NBA players hook up with chicks who are trying to have their baby so they don't have to work for the rest of their fucking life life life life their fucking their fucking their fucking their fucking their f f f f f f f. th. th. So th. So. So. So. So. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, th. So, thi, thi, thi, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I'm, th. I's, th. I's, to, th. I's, to, to, to to th. And, th. And, to, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, th. And, t. And, th. And, t. And, t t t t t tttttttttogu. And, to, to, to, to, togu. And, togu. And, the togu. And, the to, to, to, the tttogu. And, are trying to have their baby so they don't have to work for the rest of their fucking life. Which brings me up to my next, oh so that's August 6th, tickets are going to be available
Starting point is 00:30:48 on big announcement. I shouldn't announce it but I'm going to. Ticket fly. I'm working with all things. I'm working with all things on thinks. So hopefully it's gonna be a big production, winner winner, chicken dinner. We'll see how it goes. So if you walk them down or up or fly to, Los Angeles August 6th for the greatest part. Now supposedly this party, my show's gonna be next to their huge pool party that they throw.
Starting point is 00:31:17 So it's gonna be chaos. My goal is a pack that was as much porn star ass as I can. Because nobody, you know, naughty show does huge numbers drinking. I've done so many shows where the bar goes, we're doing New Year's Eve numbers. Because everybody comes to my show on Coke and they want to eat asshole and drink Jack Daniels. I should sell a shirt that says, Drink Jack, do blow, lick asshole.
Starting point is 00:31:51 I'm gonna try to make that shirt and see if anybody has the balls to buy it. Drink Jack, do a lie to blow, lick an asshole, like a champion. Signed, Sam Tripoli, champion. I don't give a fuck singing, I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about you? You super-nass-haw? I don't know. Real quick.
Starting point is 00:32:14 So you want me to tell you about the, I got a couple things I want to do. I want to talk about the NBA Summer Leagues. I went with Joe Bartnick and Matt Notes and Joe's friend, Matt's friend. A really funny thing, dude. Joe Bartnik is great. He's one of the nicest guys, one of the funniest guys, one of the funniest guys, one of the funniest dudes and most genuine people you will ever meet in your life. I will gig with that guy a thousand times.
Starting point is 00:32:39 I love the kid. I love the kid. He's a grown-n man with a child and a dog and a family and a house That's the farce thing from a kid. He made me listen to John Fogarty the whole fucking ride to Vegas There's nothing child about this guy Okay, but if you're gonna hang out with Joe you have to bring people who are okay with a grown ass man talk? Token ass man talking like grown-ass men talk. The only thing I have to say to you is the phrase Jigaboo Jesus was used several times during this trip. Just let you know that the tone and the texture of the conversation started by Joe Bartnik. Just let you know where we're going okay and it's like I'm always gonna like ah okay I looking back on you okay with this this guy sold insurance you know I'm using out comedians we let it fly dude who sells
Starting point is 00:33:40 insurance pretty fucking PC environment not gonna really cool with that texture but he was you know the tell to the tell to the tea the to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the theat theat the tho tho tho the the the the tho tho the the th the the the th th the th th th th th. okay okay okay th. okay the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to thee to to theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the the th Not gonna really be cool with that texture. But he was, you know, he's laughing. I think everybody's laughing, but it's so funny when you hang out with someone who kind of lets it flow, and you're like, we're not really allowed to talk like this. But it's funny shit.
Starting point is 00:34:01 I know Joe loves everybody. It's just a guy talking like how he thinks. He hates Arabs. He thinks everybody's half gay in Hollywood. But he gets it and he's one of the most genuine dudes I know. And I fucking love him. And he's funny as fuck. I will hang out with him every time, twice on Tuesday.
Starting point is 00:34:20 This was the funniest thing to happen. Joe Bardick and I have been doing NBA Summer Leagues for six years now. I've been going every year. I love, that's how much I love the NBA. We got an Impala. What's more Italian than a fuck, what says 40-year-old man Italian than an Impala? We got Impala, put all of us in there. We drove out. I fucking was farting up a storm. It was the fart locker. It was really rough. But we get there and it's, it was great. All the games are great.
Starting point is 00:34:53 We were watching, we got to watch Jalio Olkoford versus Pazingis, which is the New York Nick's fourth, number four pick. They were really great. But Joe doesn't give a fuck. So this girl, there was a, the funniest thing about the NBA Summer Leagues is that, first of all, you can see all your heroes there. Carl, George Carl, every coach is there.
Starting point is 00:35:20 All the players are there, all the young players have to show up, they're all there. You get to see all the players are there, all the young players have to show up, they're all there. You get to see all the prospects. It's fucking great. There's also a ton of fucking gold diggers walking around there, which is the funniest thing ever because most of the guys there aren't making the team. And these girls are dressed to win the lottery. The creepiest thing is there were grown men bringing their like 16 year old daughters to this thing. Why would you bring your 16 year old daughter to the NBA Summer League? That is chum in a shark tank.
Starting point is 00:35:56 And it wasn't like they were dressed like you and I think 16 year old girls should dress. They were dressed like they were going to the strip bar right after the game. I saw this guy right here walking around with this six-year-old with those fucking Daisy Dukes, but they're the new Daisy Dukes where you can see their ass-hull. Like I love ass cleavage, but you gotta be 18 to wear ass cleavage. Because I, I look, it's against my K-A-Man DNA to look. I don't want to have to look and they have to go age-verify. Is the asshole I'm looking at old enough for me to look at?
Starting point is 00:36:37 It's not fair! And then I look and I get caught and then everybody gives me dirty looks. You know, it's like Jason Teebo's joke about you ever see a retired person with big tits and the second thing you notice is that they're retarded. It's the same thing with a fucking six year old girl walking around with her asshole hanging out. It's uncomfortable to everybody. Because now I feel like, okay, that's a fucking unfair trick. That's not fair. There should be a law you you you you, you you you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to to to thi, you thi, you've to to to the, you've the, you're the, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, you thi, thi, thi, th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi the the the the the theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee thi thi thi thi thi, thi, that's a fucking unfair trick. That's not fair. There should be a law, you've got to be 18 to wear a fucking, to have ass cleavage hanging out. It's just not fair. So the best part of the trip was, uh, the best part of the trip.
Starting point is 00:37:20 Sorry to interrupt, but the age of consent in Nevada is 16, I believe. No, let's check thue thue thue thue thia thia thia thia th. th. th. thiiii. thi. that that's thi. thi. that's that's thi. th that's th th that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thoom. that's that's that's that's that's to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. that's the. thea. that's that that thea. that that thea. that that. that that toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe. toe, but the age of consent in Nevada is 16, I believe. No, let's check it out. And even if it was, it just, that means nothing to me. I am not attracted to 16 year olds. I'm in a relationship with a woman I like, but let's say it wasn't, the youngest I would do is 19. And that would be really uncomfortable, because we have nothing to talk about. I'm just trying to steal her youth the youth the youth the youth the youth the youth the youth the youth thi youth thiiiiiiiiiiiiiqk in to to to to to to about. I'm just trying to steal her youth at this point. You ever stuck your dick in a 19 year old? It's like the fountain of youth. You're like, your knees don't hurt anymore, suddenly you're 40 times a little faster. Right? It's just like you're just
Starting point is 00:37:59 stealing youth. You're like, wow, I love your new car smell. That's all you're doing. You're fucking soul-vampiring her youth. You're like, I'm sucking your fucking life force right now, 19-year-old. I'm an old, decrepit human being. I'm going vampire on your spirit. Let's see, age of consent in Nevada. What is the age of consent? It's oh my God it's 16. Why would you make that 16? How much don't you care about your daughter to be okay with 16? I don't find that? I find that creepy. It should be 18. I also think it should be 18 to drink. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm try. to try. I'm try. to the try, I'm try, thir, I, the th, the th, th, the the th, the th, the th, the the the the the the the to to to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to the to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to be okay with 16? I don't find that I find that creepy. It should be 18. I also think it should be 18 to drink. I'm sorry. I do. I just the number 21 just doesn't make any sense to me. Because you can't drink and drive when you're 21. What's the difference if you're 18? And if you can die for your country and paid taxes, you should be able to have a beer. It just doesn't make any. It's it, it, it's, it's, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I also, I th, I th, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I also, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I also, I also, I also, I also thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thi thxes, you should be able to have a beer. It just doesn't make it. It's just, it's like, why is there a last call?
Starting point is 00:39:10 Why? I'll tell you why. So the cops know when the drive around to pull people over for drinking. That's the only reason. There's no real logic to stop people from drinking. There's no real reason. Other than giving the cops the best time to pull people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people people their their their their their their their their their their their their their the cops the best time to pull people over. And if you get pulled over, get a lawyer. But if you can't afford one, call me, we'll go over your stuff, because I'm 14 and 3 in traffic court. This hour is going by a lot faster than I've thought. Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit. We're 41 minutes in this thing, huh? Wow.
Starting point is 00:39:46 Ah, let's do something fun. So I had a lot to talk about. I was going to go into some other shit. I'll say it for another day. I want to play something really quickly about, this is what Sam want to talk about. Here's what I want to talk about today. I want to talk about what we've done to do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do the to to the to to to the to the to to the to the to the to I want to talk about today. I want to talk about what we've done to the youth.
Starting point is 00:40:06 I want, today, this is called Sam bitching like Old Man. I need to work on that title. Sam's Old Man Bitching. How about this one? I want to talk about this. This is on Deadspin, okay? It's a, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's called, it's, it's, it's, it's, the, the, the, it's, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, th.. It's called, th. It's called, th. It's called, tod. today. today. today, today, today, today, today, thi. thi. thi. thi. th. under the title. I don't really have anything to say about this white kids bad rap This rap is so bad. It's so fucking bad. You ready to hear it? Let me see if I can get it rocking. It's so bad. It's offensive His name is West Walker
Starting point is 00:40:48 Don't you motherfuck and see it in my chain Don't you motherfuck can see me put in work Don't you motherfuck see it in my game in my skin me in my zone you gonna see me go Berserk pop the fuck off pop off pop off pop pop off pop pop off pop pop off pop pop off pop pop off 27 30 still we all fina pop off. Don't you motherfucka see it in my chain. Don't you motherfucker see me put in work. Put it in my game.
Starting point is 00:41:12 Don't you motha'a' see it in my game. You see me go berserk. You just see me put in the train. You just see me put in the ass like Steve Morton in the jerk Going to the turk on your hoe and you see me with a smirk I throw it in that dirt yeah I throw it in that dirt Then the pop off like top cards with a bubble the pop off Oh take your top off and I'm looking at the pants to drop it on my dance Nins to puppies need chubbies when the food man Stay with me, 30 seconds. Don't leave. I'm getting some, I'll get in some, steal your dog and poster,
Starting point is 00:41:47 all right, I can't take any more of that flaming bag of dog shit. America, this is what you've done. You have done this. You've encouraged this kid to foul his dreams with mediocre talent. This kid probably got so many fucking medals for coming in fifth place. He probably never was good at anything and we kept telling it who's good at something and he thought he'd put out this high production value video. With these chicks are way too hot to be dancing to this dog shit rap. This kid is not made the rap. This kid is meant to ask you what kind of fucking phone plan you're
Starting point is 00:42:26 thinking about getting with your new iPhone at Verizon Wireless. Know your place and your place is not rapping. Your name is West Walker. Your fucking nothing about you is original. Your name is original? Your hook isn't original? Why are we encouraging this kid? If I ever wish a dry buying anybody, it would be on this rapper, Rest Walker. We lost notorious B.I.G. Tupac, yet this mother fucker is still fucking probably finishing school at Stanford. You're offensive, Mr. Walker. I gotta tell you something, dude.
Starting point is 00:43:10 I'm not afraid to admit, if I see you, I want to fight you. And I'm an old man. Look what happened to Ari, Ari, so fucking afraid of me, he removed a fucking toe. That's a fucking heat I'm bringing you, Mr. West Walker, you piece of shit. And I normally would never encourage someone to Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. th. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. th. th. th. Mr. Mr. th. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. the. th. the. th. the. the. That's a fucking heat I'm bringing you Mr. West Walker, you piece of shit. And I normally would never encourage someone to not follow their dreams, but you my friend are a flaming bag of dog shit and you don't deserve the high production value of this fucking video. Who paid for all those girls to be there? Your dad? I bet you got a hot sister though, right? Guys like that have hot sisters who fuck pro-athletes.
Starting point is 00:43:48 And then they have retards for brothers. Like Parris Hill, how hot is she? And her fucking brother is a retart. And don't call me if you're mad at the word retart. And don't call me if you're mad at the word retar. If you were offended by the word retar, I probably lost you at you at a a the the the the the the the the the the anyone who listens to me is offended by the word retard. If you were offended by the word retard, I probably lost you at Jigabooch Jesus. Oh, I forgot the tell. Okay. Yeah, so that's why I want to go off. If anyone knows who West Walker is the rapper, tell him, I said, go fuck yourself and stop ruining this country.
Starting point is 00:44:21 We've just, you know what, vine stars? Vine stars. If you're a dude, is there anything worse in the history mankind in a vines star? Like Instagram models? I can't stand these chicks. You're just Christian porn stars. You're just doing everything but sucking a dick. You're bet over, showing everybody your asshole. I'm cool at that. But don't start getting spiritual on me. Doing fucking stuff you sitting in a tree and a bikini tell me about believing my dreams. My dreams is the bus one right in your face. How about that? Instagram model? You lazy ass porn star? Your inspirational spiritual pictures inspire me the whack harder. How about that one? I can't tell if I said that
Starting point is 00:45:10 before on this show. Ah it's time. God time's going. Time's flying when we're having fun. It's time to! It's time to answer your questions. Okay here we go. Let's go to answer your questions. Oh I got a great question. the question. that's a great the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the the the the the the the the the the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa. to to to to to to to to to to to to the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa the wa th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. that. that. that. that. that. that. the that. that. that. that. that. the that. I that. I that. that. that. that thatto answer your questions. Okay, here we go. Let's go to answer your questions. Oh, I got a great question from Laura Johnson. She asked me, who's better in bed? Teab's mom or Ari's mom? Lord Johnson, that sounds like a great question, but the truth is it's not a great question, because it's pretty fucking obvious.
Starting point is 00:45:45 If there's anybody who knows how the bone, it's a fucking lesbian who had a kid. And that's Jason Tibo's mother. There's no way. Looking at Ari, look at their kids. Who do you think is a better in the sack? Ari Schaffer? Or Jason Tibo? It's got to be a the thia........ thia. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. A. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. A. S. S. S. A. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. S. A. S. S. S. A. S. S. A. A. S. A. A. A to be Jason Tibo. Half of his drug and alcohol addiction is related to sex because he's doing so much boning.
Starting point is 00:46:10 Does Ari look like he can hump his way off a plastic bag? Dude he can't get any motion with those giant, nasty beanbag nuts. That might as well have an anchor in your asshole lady. You're just, dude, it's not even close. I bet you, Tibo's mom was great in the sack. She's great and what happened is some of these chicks who used to be straight and they become lesbians and they get hurt by the yards of dick that have gone through them. So I'm gonna say Tibo's mom is much better in the sack, because she had two kids.
Starting point is 00:46:47 You can't make two mistakes, can you? You only make, you make, oh, I can't believe I had a kid, I'm a lesbian. You don't do that twice. Fool me once, I'm still lesbian. I go both ways. That's what my grandma used to say. So that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's th is th is th is th is th is th. th is tho th. tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, to, to, t. to, t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's. I's t, t, t. I's t. I t. I t. I t. I to, to, to, to, tho, to, thi. I to, to. I to. to. tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. to. t say. So that's a great question, Laura Johnson, and I gave you your answer. It is easily Jason Tibo's mom. I once hit on Jason Tibo's mom, because I think it would be really great to be Jason's stepdad.
Starting point is 00:47:15 I talked about that my last album. Just how great would it be to send Jason to his room when he's being an asshole? It's like, hey Jay, go fuck yourself. Let's see what we got here, Captain Danger. Hey, can you put in the All Things Comedy stuff while I... for the Skype? Do we know what it is? So Lord Johnson, Jason Tibo.
Starting point is 00:47:40 His mom is way better in a sack. She had a probably had a couple of nights of just some yards. Yards! What other questions do we have? Frank Bravo asked, Did I ever perform as the unknown comic on Kimmel? No, I have not, and I did not. And the funny thing, I've been booked twice on Kimmel and both times they unbooked me.
Starting point is 00:48:05 Okay, both times they unbooked me because they felt, well I can't log in right now, I'm answering questions. If you could log in to that and then we'll do all that stuff. So I actually got booked twice on Kimmel. Kimmel's the one show I've showcased twice three or four times four and murdered it every time. If there's ever a time I killed at a showcase for a television show, it was that show. What else do we got? More questions? More questions. there we go. We got more questions. Here we go. Who is your daddy and where does he work? That is from Art Valendale at Art underscore V-A-N-D-A-S, no, D-O-F-U-F-A-S, no, D-O-F-A-I-U-F-I-U-S, no, it's Art, A-A-R-T-T-U-S-A-N-E-L-A-S-U-S-N-A-A-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-A-U-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-U-U-U-U-U-U-U-N-U-U-U-U-U-U-S-U-U-U-A-A-A-A-A-S-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-N-S-N-N-N-S-N-N-N-N-S-N-S-N-N-S-N-S-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-T-E-L-A-647. Who's my daddy?
Starting point is 00:49:08 My daddy is Sam Tripoli, and where's he work? He works at an Indian casino in Prescott, Arizona. And by work there, I mean he gambles there. 24-7. He calls me from there. He refers to it as the office. He has been, he's been gambler of the month several times. And he's pretty upset that, can we put it in?
Starting point is 00:49:30 It's just better be lost. Okay. And he, uh, and he puts it, he consistently is named a gambler of the month. They don't have gambler of the year, which I'm pretty upset about. Because I think you'd like to hang that on his mantle, right? I'm gambler of the year. So that's my dad. I look like my father, act like my father. My dad lives with a black chick who used to dance on Soul Train.
Starting point is 00:49:57 She, if you find the episode where the lead, the lead, the head, who used to host Soul Train? I can't remember his name. Don Cornelius, if you can find the episode where he's dancing the funky chicken, you'll see Brenda dancing. So that's where we're at. That's my dad, his name is Sam Tripoli as well. The reason I'm not Sam Triplie Jr. is because my, I got my grandfather on my mother's the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. the th. the th. the the the the th. th. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. I was. th. I was. th. I was. I was. I was. th. I was. I was. I was. th. th. th. th. th. the. t. t. today. today. today. today. today. today. today. the the the the the today. th. th Sam Tripoli Jr. is because my, I got my grandfather on my mother's side's middle name as well. My real full name is, I'm not going to tell you,
Starting point is 00:50:30 it's Samuel Victor, okay? It's so weird when you let people go on your phone, on your Skype, you're like, did I Skype with anyone weird? How do I add a contact to that? To the Skype. I'm going to call into this guy in a few minutes. Where is he? Come on, dog. Okay, that's it, Tom Green live. So that's it. That's who my dad is.
Starting point is 00:50:59 My mother lives in upstate New York. And she used to teach. She lives with my brother. my brother lives with my mother. I don't know why still, but he does. And he runs a strip bar in Syracuse. At this strip bar, oh, which gets me back to another question by another guy, I've been asked, is my DNA all over the back rooms of my brother strip club in Seracuse this is by David Nickerson and the answer is yes I know how to
Starting point is 00:51:33 mark my territory I spray all over that place by the way just let you know my brother strip bar is where I met a stripper name Armenia that was her strip bar name. Can you believe that? We're going to call the Tom Green show in about two seconds. I'm just going to answer these questions. So yes, my DNA is all over my brother's strip club. The Tangio Terone at his Twitter handle is at Che c h e underscore are oh l l i n s
Starting point is 00:52:09 does your arm o rage ever manifest itself why boning great question yes it does I fight to win hold on one second this is my manager Kevin Parker you're on with the on twisted with Sam Tripoli, how are you? Kevin, can you hear me? Can you hear me? Yeah, there you go, where are you? I'm in the studio recording my podcast. Oh, you guys are still recording?
Starting point is 00:52:37 Yeah, why don't you come in? Okay, that's cool. I'll see you. Bye. So he's not coming on. Real quick, that was my manager. Worst anal experience ever with a guy or a girl from Casper Rothenbell. Great question.
Starting point is 00:52:57 I'm not really a big anal person. I banged in the ass a couple times. It's fun. I'm good at it. I'm a champion. It never goes bad Okay, that's all I gotta say. I'm not that hung so sometimes it just slips in And I'll leave it at that because I gotta do a lot of stuff Tits for hooking up with strippers. Go work there. That's the best way. That's the best way to hook up with a stripper is work is working a work is working. It's the work at a work at a work at a work at a work at a strip. Get at a strip the strip the strip the strip the strip the strip the strip the work at a work at a work at a work at a work at a work at a work at a strip get a strip get a work at a strip get a strip get a strip to get a to get a the th the the th. Get get a strip bar get a strip bar get a strip the th. Get get a strip the the the the the the the the the that that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that that that that that that that that that that that that the strip. Get get a strip get a strip get a strip get a strip get a strip get a strip get a strip get a strip get a strip bar get a to get a that that that th. Get a th. Get a th. Get a thrip bar get a th. Get a thrip bar get a th thrip thrip thrip thrip thrip that thrip that that that that, then quit. It's the best way. You can pull strippers, it's just work, and who needs it? Right? Who needs it? Who's your daddy already answered that? Steve Simone mentioned me. Thank you. Let's see, I have one more.
Starting point is 00:53:36 Best Metal Concert ever! Great question. And the true answer is, well, I've had a couple great ones. I saw the Rolling Stones live, which was amazing. Best song I've ever seen live, sympathy for the devil. Best song I've ever seen live. I talked about that with, who did I talk about that with? I can't remember who was on the show. Skyler Stone, he agreed. One of the best live kinds I've ever seen was Tool. I saw them in a small venue before he used to hide behind the curtains.
Starting point is 00:54:09 That was great. One of the best live concerts I've ever seen Velvet Revolver at the whiskey in a small venue. They were playing guns and roses songs. Unbelievable, you know who Great Live, too? Public Enemy. Does not get... Chuck Dee does not get enough, does not get enough respect
Starting point is 00:54:33 as a lead, leading man. I would tell you, he is in the conversation with greatest leads of all time. He is. I was working with my buddy Rich Slateate and we were writing a new sitcom idea. We watched Queen at Wembley Stadium. Unfucking believable. Unbelievable. I did, I did a shitload of acid.
Starting point is 00:54:57 Dude, I went and saw Lala Paloza when Red Hot Chili Peppers were headlining. Guess who was on the lineup? It was Red Hot Chili Peppers were headlining, guess who was on the lineup? It was Red Hot Chili Peppers, Ice Cube, Pearl Jam Soundgarden. How crazy is that fucking lineup? Pearl Jam soundgarden were early in the show, they hadn't blown up yet. That's a great show. I love live music. I'll go watch live music all the time. Live music is great. I'm very jealous of rock stars because they can shred shit and go crazy.. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It. It, th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. It was th. th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was th. It was thi. It was the. the. the. the the theat theat the. theat the. the. the. the. thi. watch live music all the time. Live music is great. I'm very jealous of rock stars because they can shred shit and go crazy.
Starting point is 00:55:30 Um, so yeah, that's my story. So those are answering your question. Do I have any more questions? I feel like there was a couple more. Uh, do you, da da da. I never did that. So yeah, I answered like five questions, right? I feel that's a good Q&A. I'll answer all your questions all the time. I want to thank a couple people for sponsoring the $5 game show and then we're going to make a quick call. Jeff Gordon at Jeff Gordon, thank you for sponsoring. dollar game show! I'm gonna do another one I just I didn't have time to go
Starting point is 00:56:05 down in Vegas but I'm gonna try to do one on Fremont Street. I also want to think Duffmation! Duffmation everybody you can go to the YouTube check out Duffamation D-U-F-F-I-I-M-A-T-I-O-N productions on Duffmation so they're really cool. They gave me some money to help pay for everything. So that's it. So let's see if we can call into the Tom Green show, shall we really quick? We'll undo this. We'll undo. Here we go. Let's see if this is going to work. I'm going to try to make history hit my friend Aaron Broken up. So let's see here we go Let's see if it's working. It didn't work. Did it work? Leave?
Starting point is 00:57:03 Let's see if it works. See if it's working. Nope, stop calling. What do you think it is? Do we got a job and we're on the Things comedy? Pending conquest. Is it that I can't call them if I don't have a... No, it shouldn't matter. Dude, trying to call, won't let me call. Fuck. Won't let me call. Boom.
Starting point is 00:57:24 So that's it. Let me see if I had anything I wanted to really touch on. Oh, fuck Norris. That was the one thing I wanted to talk about. Joe was, Joe's heckle game at the NBA, at the NBA Summer League was on point. He was murdering everybody. He was killing with the whole crowd.
Starting point is 00:57:43 So, obviously it's a sporting event, so all these sports channels were there. And of course, all your field reporters are smoking hot chicks. Because one, every athlete will talk to a hot, they realize hot chicks get access to everything. And they're there because they're hot. Not one chick goes, someday I want to work at ESP. Most time they're like, I want to be on entertainment tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight tonight to tonight to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be there because they're hot and not once it goes someday I want to work at ESP and very rarely most time they're like I want to be on Entertainment tonight or something. That's the shit they love they want to do the red carpets and all that shit But they sometimes they want to do sports this one girl from an NBA TV was smoking hot and she was doing and they were doing? they were coming to the event and she was the the the the the the the the the the they they they they they they they they they they, they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they. they're they're they're they're they're they. they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they're they. I I I they. I too too too too too too too too to too to too to to to they're they're they're they're they're they're around doing, kind of talking to the camera. And as she walked by Joe, Joe goes, what's up sexy? And she just kept going like nothing happened. Well, security guard for Thomas and Mac, not with NBA TV, looks at Joe, goes, you feel better
Starting point is 00:58:37 about yourself? And Joe goes, yeah, I did. I go, hey dude, he's been killing it all day. And the guy just came there like, just let you know what this guy looked like. This guy looked like Chuck Norris had done like a cup, a decade of meth, found Christ and stop. The, the, I call, you know what the nickname I gave him? Fuck Norris. This guy looked like fuck Norris. Giving him shit. And I get it, it's your job, but that one, why do you give a shit if he said to the pretty girl, hey sexy? As long as I don't run on the court and try stabbing NBA players,
Starting point is 00:59:15 your job's good. I get it. You don't got a lot of power in your life, and I'm not being disrespectful to you, but it's like, calm down. You have a job, you get to your baseline in an NBA basketball game. It could be worse. Ass-hul. So I think we've done an hour, huh? It's 510. I think we talked for an hour.
Starting point is 00:59:38 I had a bunch of shit. I want to talk about Shark Week. How scary was that shit? Do you watch Shark Week? That shit's... Dude, there are monsters out there. And they just find new ones. Just all of a sudden, like, holy shit! We shot something. This is a new...
Starting point is 00:59:56 There's one called a Mega Mouth. It's literally a monster. Hold on, hold on that. You just said some crazy shit. What? Um, for the past couple years, they've been doing fake documentaries, like, uh, like the search for Megaladon or some shit like that. Are you telling?
Starting point is 01:00:17 They showed Megamoth. Are you saying Megamoth isn't real? Potentially, yeah, I didn't see that particular one. Because I got burned the first year that they did it. So you believed it it? And then they were just like, go around yourself. I got about a half hour in, I was like, there's no way, these are actors, this is bullshit. Really? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:00:39 I haven't felt this down since I got told Santa didn't exist by my next neighbor's mom. Like who, she told me when I was eight years old. I'm like, who to fuck does that? Is eight years old too late to hear about that? It's, it's a little after I think. Okay, what was the right? I don't remember the exact, but it was pretty early. Yeah, I was like five.
Starting point is 01:01:05 She's like, Santa doesn't exist. What are you doing? I'm like, I'm a fucking kid. Why would you even say that to me? I bet that's the best part of having a special person, they believe in Santa, for the rest of their lives. Yep. That's a dream. He's 35. He's so excited Santa's coming. I think that's awesome. Well guys, what we learned today? Did we do anything? Was it a good show? I feel like the court story took forever. I tried to call in. Oh, that's why they weren't taking a call in. All right. Well, up, guys, I had a good time.
Starting point is 01:01:49 I think I'm going to try to do this more. I think I'm going to try to do more. Aaron, you got anything you want to push? Uh, all things comedy. All things comedy. All things comedy. All your social media. We just started doing videos on, not videos, but we're putting podcasts up up up up up up up up up th guys, th guys, th guys, th guys, th guys, th guys, th guys, th guys, th guys, I th th guys, I, I, I, I, I, thing, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, thi, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th th th th th th th th th th thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi, ths comedy is going great. All your social media. We just started doing videos on not videos but we're putting podcasts up on YouTube. Oh really? Yeah, just for fun. Is are they getting pissed at daily motion? No, no, they're not video. They're just audio. Oh, that's cool. Audio with the logo just mixing it up so you get, you can look at a variety, listen to a variety. Are you gonna put in a pun shrunk on there soon? Uh, yeah. I mean, we were the high, we got the most views, right on Daily Motion?
Starting point is 01:02:31 Yes. Thank you. Puns drunk, I love it. Guys, this is Twisted. I hope you enjoyed it. Check out all my shit. If you want to, uh, you want to sponsor, to sponsor, to sponsor, to sponsor, to sponsor, to sponsor, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the, to, to, the, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, to, the the, you want to sponsor the Twisted, you want to sponsor the International Bad Boys. If you ever want to call in with a great party story, let us know.
Starting point is 01:02:50 I'm having great time. I hope I can see everybody at my live shows. It would mean a lot to me. I'd love to see everybody. I'd love to hang out and be friends. And I hope you enjoy this episode. I had a great time. I. I. I. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I tho. I tho tho tho tho tho tho tho to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to call to to to to to to to to the the the to the th. th. th. to th. to th. to th. to th. the. to to the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. told to to to to to to told to to to to to to to to to to to to to had a great time. I can't believe an hour flew by that fast. All right guys, this has been twisted with Sam Tripoli. I love you all and we will see you soon.

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