Tin Foil Hat With Sam Tripoli - Twisted With Sam Tripoli Ep12: The Revolution Will Be Periscoped!

Episode Date: May 22, 2015

Tripoli is back with another episode of Twisted. Sam discussed David Letterman's final episode and who would he have on his last episode. Finally, Sam takes your questions from across his social media and answers every single one of them! Lots of questions about dicks! Thanks so much for listening and please rate and review on iTunes. Also let me know what you like and what you don't so I can make twisted better! Have an amazing Memorial Day Weekend everyone!

Oh my lord. Come down, nigga. Come down, man. Come down, right. Yeah, come down, nigga. Come down, n-a'luck. Let go, niggins. Oh, my lord. And welcome to another episode of Twisted. How are you, everybody? Thank you so much. You know, I haven't done a twist in a little while.

And I was kind of just chillaxing on it because I've been focusing on The International Bad Boys Hour, which I really love. I think they're it's great And I've been focused on that and I started just all at the same time just start getting more and more emails from people going When are you gonna do another twisted? So I decided a little time off since next Monday or I I don't know when you're gonna listen to this, but the Monday following this recording is Memorial Day, so we won't be in here, so I wanna give a little more, a little more content for you guys to listen and love. Your words are great. I love that you guys love Twisted.

It means a lot to me. I need to get back to doing it. I'm just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just just. I'm just. I'm just. I'm just to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tooom. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the their. their their their their their their their their their their their the. I'm just in this studio all the time. Aaron's basically my roommate at this point. We're just we're pretty much roommates talking baseball, having a good time. Aaron is working the steel wheels over there sound so he's doing a great job. You know I just want to think El Magical for calling me yesterday. Apparently some punch drunk fans had tweeted Al about how the studio was running in. Al called me up and proceeded to rip me a new asshole, which was kind of fun. So remember guys, the studio is a process. It's going good. You know what else I found out might be really good to do for Punch Drunk Sports?

is Google Hangout, I hear is really nice too. So I'm going to check that out. Whatever makes it easier for us to have everybody on video conference, plus take some phone calls from our favorite people like George St. Pierre and so on and so forth. Got some great news coming up. I know I always talk about I can announce it, but it is great stuff. So hopefully I can announce that next week once I get the green light on that. A lot of great stuff going on. Hey Calgary I will

be out in Canada for the first weekend of June I'll be doing the Calgary. Yuck yucked. Apparently it's in the casino I love those gigs I love gigging out there I love going to Canada. Canada's like the 80s I always say right now. Everyone's got money and cocaine. Everyone's doing coke up there and I'm just excited about being up there even though I'm sober and I'll get into some of that story in a few but I'm very excited about going up there. I'm actually thinking about possibly recording another album up there. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm the the the their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm their, I'm th, I'm th, I'm th. I'm th, I'm very their, I'm very th, I'm very th, I'm very th. I'm very th. I'm very th. th. th. th. th, I'm very the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th, I th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. than, thanan, thanan, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, than, thinking about possibly recording another album up there. If it's not too expensive, I might see if I can get somebody come down for the last two nights, Friday and Saturday night, come down and record all four sets. There's a couple bits I kind of want to fine-tune, but at some point just like, if I have like 120 minutes of new material or whatever I have, or excuse me, 80 minutes of new material.

I'll just take the best 60 and put it out there and then see how it goes and fine-tune the other shit. But I've been wanting to do that. So I think I might go up there. So I'll be at Calgary. I mean this Friday I will be at Velvet Revolver. I'm Velvet Jones. I will be doing the But Sweat and Tears tour and then the following and then Saturday and I'll be at the Down and Dirty Comedy Show at the Ice House with Paula Bell and I got a couple tickets available that if you're in Los Angeles and you want to go I got four free tickets to give out. So hit me up on Twitter or Facebook. You can come as my guest. Going to be going to China, I'll be getting into that and a lot of stuff. Got a lot to talk about. And then I'm going to do the thing where I answer your questions.

I put out that to social media. We got some fun, interesting questions. It's always fun to know what people think of you. And I know what you think of these questions. these questions and I'm excited about answering them. But let's get into what everybody wants to talk about. David Letterman, whether you're listening to some Friday or following week, David Letterman went off last night and it was a it was really sad. It's you know it is the end of some of my childhood has is pretty much all the all the great shows from my childhood are

officially gone and you know time waits for nobody and at and at the end of the day as big as David Letterman was you know today everybody's go moves out with their life but it was incredibly sad I got to watch the last couple episodes of it I sat down I watched it, you know, like, it's so weird to watch all your heroes growing old. You know, like everybody's mortal and everybody's decaying. And I don't want to be like a negative nanny about the whole thing or Debbie Downer, but, um, it was fun to watch, man. David Letterman and Johnny Carson Carson the two best ever doing. Some of you guys are really young, so you'll never really get to understand Johnny Carson.

You can watch kind of clips on YouTube. But you'll never understand how good he was. And how he's so much different than all the other talk show hosts today. You know, and there's nothing wrong with them. To each their own. I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th thi, I thi, I th thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, I thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, their, their their their their their their their their their their their their their their thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi thi thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii. David thi. David thi, all the other talk show hosts today. You know, and there's nothing wrong with them to each their own. I mean, I personally like my comedy with a little bite on it, but that's just mean it goes back to what I've talked about on podcast a thousand times before, you know, comics break down the one and two things. The clouns theirowns.

Sometimes you have shit-talking clowns, sometimes you have some clownish shit-talkers. But they break down the one or two things, neither one's better than the other, even though I prefer one over the other, but that's just my own personal choice. But when you, you know, and I think David Letterman is the last of the really great shit-talkers on television, and I think that you don't really see that now. Everybody's kind of in on it to promote everything and everybody's laughing at stuff that's, I don't even know why we're laughing at this, like just huge, like deep belly laughter on stuff. I'm like, did I miss something? But Dave was, Johnny Carson was the host that when a guest came on his show, he had no problem with letting someone steal

the show. There's no problem with somebody coming on and really shining to the point where he took his step back and let that guest go. And you can see it over and over and over again. And Johnny, you know, when Johnny Carson, I remember I was sitting with my friends and I think we were all, we were doing acid. We watched Johnny Carson on acid. The last Johnny Carson just fucked up on acid. And I'm the only one who understood to grab everybody else is just shit face, trying to get down girls' pants.

You know, I'm like, this is a historical moment. We're going, this is an icon. This is kind of, you know, Johnny Carson was, nah, I think it's more David Leibman, that is the bridge between old school, new school. But, you know, I'm tripping balls watching crying balls, you know, just have tears coming down I think. So it was a pretty amazing moment. So I was at the store last night to watch the show and you know, Johnny Carson kind of, I mean, excuse me, David Letterman kind of got started from the comedy store. The whole story is whether it's 100% true or not. The whole story is is that David Letterman was going to quit entertainment. He wanted to leave town.

He was going to go drive back to Indiana, and Mitzi Shore stopped him and told him you have big things coming and kept him in town, kept him working at the store, and that's how he got his morning show. Got signed for a bunch of cash. That morning show only went up to 18 episodes. And they had them on retainer, they had them under contract, so like let's throw them on after Johnny Carson and from there, you know, you know the rest of the story.

So to be at the comedy store on the big night when Johnny, when David, I keep saying John Carson, when David Letterman is doing his final show was really amazing. It was really amazing. And it was, you could sense something was really special going on. Because whenever something special in comedy goes on, news crews fly to the comedy store. You always see TV reporters there. You know, when Robin Williams died, it was soul crushing,

and there was a bunch of news reporters there and then Johnny You know obviously David Letterman going out last night News reporters were there and the place was packed man the place was packed. I think people realize it was a really good night And if you go on my good friend, Rose's from the comedy source Instagram if you see I'll show you her name real quick, and if you tell you how to find her on Instagram to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the comedy source Instagram. If you see I'll show you her name real quick. I'll tell you how to find her on Instagram really quickly. If you go under look at a Z A F A D O N J U N I T A one more time that Z A F A D O N N I T A one more time that's Z A F A F A D O N N N I T A. A. I T A. I to you'll the to go find her on Instagram you'll you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you you D-O-N-J-U-A-N-I-T-A. If you go find her on Instagram, you'll see a picture of everybody how packed the patio was at the comedy store, because everybody knew. Everybody who worked there was there, you know, all the comics even if they weren't performing,

it shown up, and everybody got to watch it. Well, I was on stage doing stand up, and it was going really well. It was a really great show. The crowd was great for people who did want to witness history. They were pretty good people. I always tend to find that people who don't go to big events are weird people. Like, you ever do stand-up on Christmas at a comedy club, they're weird people. People who go to a comedy club and people, at a comedy-a th-a-a-a-a-a-a-a-o-a-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-cita-com-o-comet-comet-s th-s th-s th-o-o-o-o-o-o-oomomomomit-oomit-oomit-wo-wi-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wit-wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwit-wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo weird people. And the weirdest though are the July 4th people. You ever go to a comedy club and people are at a comedy club July 4th? Those are the people who don't get invited to picnics.

Those are the weird people. Those are the really weird people. You're like, God damn. Nobody, don't you have a friend? What you doing here? And everybody, all the comics are shit shit shit shit shitthey just left a party to come do stand-up. But the crowd was really great. There was a gay guy and a Filipino chick drinking champagne during the show, that's always weird. There was a kid in the front, I can't tell if he's gay or not, and if he is, I don't care just for the sake of the story. He looked like if Bob's big boy

fucked and Hitler youth and had a baby, that's what this guy would look like. A gay Hitler youth, Bob's big boy. That's what this guy looked like. And he's come to the show, and his mom's come with him a couple times. I've talked about banging on him. And he has th, he, he, he, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, that, that, that, that, that, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, thanks, that's thanks, thanks, that's what's thanks, that's what's what's thanks, that's that's that's that's that the time and he was hanging out and the crowd was just great they were laughing at everything so so the David Leibbon starts I'm on stage I do my set it's around I forget like 1130 I think is when David Leverman starts and I'm doing stand up now when you do stand up this lay at the comedy store the whole koi the whole key is not to let let people leave. You the the their. You. You. You. their. their. their. their. th. th. their. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. their their their their their their their their their their their is their their is their their their their their their their they their they they are they are they are their th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the let people leave. You got to kill so hard

that people stay. And that's always like if you get that 1130 to that midnight spot, there is so much pressure on you not to let people leave. I did a show one time to come in store where there were 20 playmates in the crowd. Every comes back is like yelling at the other, don't let them leave, don't let them leave, don't let them leave, and everyone's going up there throwing thunder, everybody's going crazy and as soon as I get down my act, they get up and leave. I'm like, no! Don't do this! Like we had any shot with the play-ohmahs. they're all going to peg any any any any any any any any any any any any any any their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their their th- th- th- the the, the, don't the the the the, don't them them leave, don't let them leave, don't let them them them them them them them them them the them the them them the the the, don't let the, don't let the, don't let the, don't the, don't the, don't the, don't the, don't the, don't the, don't the, the, the, don't the, don't the, don't the, don't the, don't let the. the. Don't let the. the. the the the the thea. the thea. the the the. Don't they're gonna go back to the Playboy Mansion, they're all go strap on and they're all gonna peg Hugh Hefner and ass.

That's kind of how it goes. That's the price it comes to be a playmate now. You gotta fuck that old man in his butt with a fucking strap on. Nobody rides for free, man, that's why I've learned in life. You want to be a playmate. th. th. th. th. th. th. that, you their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their the, the, the, the, the, the, they're the, they're all they're all they're all they' they' they' they' they' they' they' they're all, they're all they' they're they're they're they're they's, they's, they's, they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's they's their, their their their their their their their their their their the, the, theck. theck.eckoomoomoomorrow, theckoomorrow thoge, thoge, the.e.e.e' all all all all all all all all going thecke.e.e.e, they're a playmate? You want to get your your black belt and hot? You want to get, when you become a playmate, you get your doctrine in being hot. You're a doctor and fuckable, right? But to get that doctrine, you got an intern. And that internship is strapping on a strap on and fucking old man Hefner in his ass. Nobody rides for free. So I get off stage and Dana's like,

Sam, please, my girlfriend, is like, come home, I want to watch Letterman with you. I'm like, okay, I'll go home. So I don't want to see it, I just, I run off, I shake everybody's hand. I'm like, goodnight, everybody. I'm like, the mayor of the comedy store. I'm like, good night all. And a happy, Merry Christmas today. And I ride off with my sleigh bells, you know. So I get my car, I drive home and I drive, and I get to my place. And my place is really hard now to get into because I live right next to the Hollywood Bowl. It's the Hollywood Bowl tiered parking then where I live,

and there's always some weird kind of parking thing going on. The last two days it's been Neil Diamond. You want chaos? Try, like, how many people go to Ball. Would you say 15,000? 20,000, 20,000 geriatric drivers. Try that. You think an intersection at Beijing is crazy? thiiiiiiiiiiiiii. thi. thi.iatric fucking drivers. Try that. You think an intersection at Beijing is crazy?

Try leaving the bowl after a Neil Diamond thing. But luckily there is no bowl, so I got to go in, I go upstairs and the DVR is recording David Letterman. Dana's sleeping. I try to wake her up. I'm like, come on, man. You told me the way for you. Okay, we we we we we we we watch th. We watch th. We watch th. We watch. We watch. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. t. t. tooed. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. too. tooed. tooed. tooed. too. I try to wake her up. I'm like, come on man, you will tell me the way for you. Okay, we watch it. She's one of those people. It's almost like she has like narcolepsy. Like she can fall. So you could be literally having conversation with it. Next thing you know, she's like I call it.

Deforestation where she's just sawing trees. Like a little monster, you know what I'm saying? So I wanna start watching Letterman, and it's like really funny, and you know, and some jokes hit or miss, like, you know, the opening bit about our national nightmare is over. I thought, you know, hey dude, nobody bats a thousand. It was okay. I think people would have preferred people saying nice thing about him going out. Then, you know, Dave going out the way Dave is, which is, you know, making fun of himself, self-deprecating material. And, uh, you know, it opened up and it was great and all the montages were great and you forget how much, how crazy he used to be. Like, all that like hidden camera, you know

Like the stuff about at the restaurant like that's so funny And you're like where is that on the late night television now It's like gone. You don't see it that much. So anyways, I'm watching it. He's about to go in and introduce the food fighters and boom The DVR stops recording Because Time Warner are cock-sucking motherfuckers. You really are? You know it's a big night and David Letterman is going out on his final show and you know he's doing a hundred and twenty minutes show. Why are you only recording a show for an hour? Because you're a cocksucker and don't tell me it's always like that because movies sometimes go two and a half hours and you record the whole thing.

It was real, dude, when that thing cut off, I wanted to go, I wanted to set my house on fire, dude, I was so fucking upset that one my girlfriend didn't realize it when she recorded it it and that time wanted to let this shit happen so I run you know and I just like start going on YouTube and God bless YouTube man because after about 10 minutes after the show they had uploaded everything you got to see the food fighters for two seconds what are they saying do you think they would have flown back if they knew they were only going to be on screen for about 30 seconds I mean this is the food fighters who

play a re I mean like have you watched any for Dana my girlfriend has done a ton of she's produced two of their concert films and she's flown in their personal jets these guys are ours they called Dave Grohl the last of the great ones I think that might be Jack White too but the last of the great ones. I think that might be Jack White too, but the last of the great ones, you know. And he flew back and I'm like, are they really playing a montage over why they sing? Which is Dave's thing, it's his last show and I guess it's an honor. I mean, if you go, hey, Triple, they show up. Dave wants you toto yodel why they do a montage on his last show I've been you know I would think you know what to do that for like 15 minutes but it was fucking amazing man it was amazing now I would you know why

I think about what to do for Twisted I was like who would be on my final show if I had my final show? If I had my own show, and it was a big success, who are my last guest on my show? This was really hard, but I have a couple people. Let's see, Aaron, if you agree with any of this. Here we go, my last show. The band, musical act, Eminem. And if Eminem is not available or

wants nothing to do with me, Metallica. And if neither of them want to do anything, I'm going to ask Clownvice to come in and close it out. Right? I'm going to obviously say my mom, my dad, there, Dana will be there. I think, uh, who else will I have in there? I probably would have? I'm obviously my mom, my dad there, Dana will be there. I think, uh, who else will I have in there? I probably would have, I mean, because this is my last show. I'd probably have Bella Donna on there. And we'd talk about the time she'd deep-throated a dildo on my, on the naughty show. I would definitely have Jason Tibo and Ari Schafir on. We would talk punch drunks.

I would probably have Joe Rogan on too, because even though I know I drive him crazy once in a while, he's done a lot from my career. Joe's done so much. And I've been going to therapy a lot. I go therapy. And the big thing I'm dealing with is me, I have a problem with bothering people.

Like I have a real bad issue with it. Like I have an ego and on top of that I feel like I should be bothering you. And Joe's done so much for me. Like he's done so much for me and I'm like overly grateful. And it's like, you know, there's this whole saying that, you know, Hollywood, you treat famous people like regular people, th., tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, tho, and bothering people, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, tho, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and thi, thi, and thi, and thi, and tho, and tho, this whole saying that you know Hollywood you treat famous people like regular people and regular people like famous people you know but Joe's done so much for me like I feel so bad that I I'll end up over like thanking him and I know it gets creepy and probably my last you know ten minutes on my podcast on my last show

would be me thanking him for everything so So that be my foul show. That's a good show, right? Belladonna. Oh, oh fuck. I forgot. I'd have to have Patrick Ewing and Blake Griffin on there too. Those are the next two that I would have on my show. Those would be the guys that would close it out. There you got it. Musical guest M&M. Special guest, Patrick Ewing, Blake Griffin, okay? Ari Schaffir, Jason Tibo, Joe Rogan, my mom, my dad, my brother, and Dana Marshall. There you go, closing it out. That was a 20-minute rant. God time flies. Um, just got asked to do getting high with Doug. Actually got asked to do that today.

You know what I did? I turned it down because I really wanted to stay sober. And it's so hard to turn down because for a couple reasons. One, I love Doug Benson. Like, Doug Benson is one of the nicest, coolest guys you'll ever meet and he always thinks of me, he always asked me to do his podcast, a lot of people for some reason won't let, don't, aren't interested in me and being a guest on their show and he's one of the guys who do, and like it was a real honor to do like Doug loves movies a couple weeks ago in Atlanta and get to like, and he like, this guy filled the at like four in the afternoon sold out like that's juggernaut shit

that's some incredible shit right there so you know it's very cool for him to ask me to do it and it's with one of my favorite people on the planet say Morgan Murphy who like I have this crush on like I just think she has a you know it's so weird because I want to talk about like like like like like like like like like like like the the the the the the the the the the th. the th. th. the the the the th. the the the th. the the th. the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. the th. th. I th. th. th. th. I th. th. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. the. thi. the. thi. thi. th crush on like I just think she has a you know It's so weird because I want to talk about like How how hot I think she is Because I don't think she's your Traditional beauty I think she's sexy For her way of being sexy and I think she heard that she'd be like that's really offensive and I don't mean like I think she's hot as fuck in her own way, but I don't I feel like it's very weird. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th, th, th, thi. thi. thi thi thi tho tho th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tell to tod. I toda. I tell heard that, she'd be like, that's really offensive, and I don't mean, like, I think she's hot as fuck in her own way. But I don't, I feel like it's very weird when you talk about female comics, when you talk about them sexually, it's like, almost like you're disrespecting them.

That's kind of talking on international bad boys is the word I'm looking for, in respects, sexual respects, they get very angry about that because they fight so hard just to be one of the guys. You know, and I remember when Liza Slessinger put out her CD with her half-naked on it, I heard a lot of female comics going, oh, aren't we trying to fight this? Which I don't get that. I think like Amy Schumer is the first one to be like, hey, I'm funny, but I'm also have sexual energy. And I don't think there's anything wrong with that, as long as you dictate your terms. You know, and if you do a show where guys like, show me your tits! Like I get that, that's that's that's that's tho that's that's that's thi thi that's that's thi thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they. they. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. they, they, they, their their their their their their funny. I'm they, they, they, they, they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I'm they. I's funny. I's they. they. they. they. they. thin. thin. thin. th. thin. th. the. theee. teee. te. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm funny. I'm th. I'm th. I get that that's offensive but that's right along the lines of you're not funny you got to shut them down and kick them out so I really would love to do getting high with dog butt man I just I just I just like being

sober right now things in my life are going extremely well I had a good talk with a L magical the other day we kind of talking with my career is and some people like why aren't you bigger and I go it's just you know it's just it's that I made a lot of bad decisions and I whether it was representation or personal activities you know that I really enjoyed you know and just you know and again with them, my mental shit of like, just like social anxiety and shit like that, you know what I mean? But I'm dealing with all that, they're all all the way and I'm very happy. And if you got, you know, if you have mental shit going on, get some help, dude.

There's not wrong with that. I would go, I'd say, go, man. Go to therapist because it's like literally the only time like you can just talk and the people won't talk talk back unless it's trying to help you. I have a certain friend I won't say what his name is. Every time I try to talk to him about just my you know you just want some to talk to. Every time I bring up what's going on wrong with his life. And it's just like, do we can't solve, can we solve one problem, then we'll go to another problem? So that's it.

Crazy gigs, Calgary already talked about that. Um, okay, so I want to get into this. Is anyone else like kind of thinking that, what the fuck is up of periscope? Like, is it just like, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, it, like, like, it, it, it, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, th. th. th. th. th. tha, tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. tha. thi. thi. ta, is, thi. ta, is, is, is it just like, it's just like, is anybody this interesting that they gotta live stream everything they're doing? Is it just me or is Periscope just video spam? It isn't, it isn't? Like, you, I mean, I get it like if Joe Rogan's at The Wayends, you know, and he's

periscoping people, that's cool as shit. You know, somebody, I don't know, eating lunch. Maybe it's the same thing as Instagram. I just don't get it, man. Like, how can you just watch somebody live stream eating lunch? I, I mean, I'm looking at a picture is one-third, to actually invest the amount of time in watching this guy eat his lunch. It's just like, don't you got gigs? Don't you get a life? Don't you got places to be? Am I wrong? I'm so fucking busy.

And I'm not saying that the bragg is just like, I don't have time to sit down and watch it. Look at me. I'm watching, oh my god, we're watching Dancing with the Stars, check us out as we watch it. Watch us, watch it. That's like weird, right? Am I, I... So I'm like, okay, what am I going to do? Well, the reason I bring us up is like, uh, last Wednesday night I had a horrifically bad set at the comedy store. Because I woke up with my finger, my point on my left hand, my pointing finger and my thumb, numb.

And I come on, everybody knows when your hand goes numb, what's that mean? Especially on your left side. So I'm like, I'm like a little weirded out. So I go, I go to the comedy store, it's late night, and I'm like, dude, I'm freaking out, and it's getting number. And I'm asking people, and everyone's like, dude, you might have to go to the hospital, because there's a good chance you might be having a heart attack. At the comedy store. The worst, there's no doctors there. There's maybe witch doctors. That's about it. There's a guy, you know, God talked all the cocktail waitress, who are the nicest people in the world?

But they're all like, you ever know every chick is a witch doctor? Like, she's like, oh, I'm not feeling good. It's like, I'll take an aspir feel better. So I uh so I I'm freaking out man and the set starts off really good and then I mean I start to freak the fuck out on stage and I'm like I just stop I can't talk everyone's staring at me I'm like I think I'm having a heart attack. And everyone's laughing, I think I'm dying. And I have a freak out for about five men's on stage. Of course I get off stage, Adam the booker's like,

what the fuck was that? You want 20 minutes? I'm like, I'm having a heart attack. What is the time limit on having a heart attack? And then I bring up Tony Hinchcliffe and he just roast me a new asshole. I'm dying on stage. So I get on stage, I'm having a full meltdown, right? I'm having a full meltdown that I'm going to die. Mo Mandel's like, dude, go to the hospital. I'm like, I don't know what to do.

Three different people have come up to me and go, hey, can I periscope this? I'm like, I think I'm having a heart detector. Like, yeah, let me periscope it. Is that where we're at? We're gonna have snuff films on fucking periscope? People are gonna read. I'm dying here. One person came up and asked me if I was okay. Chris Spencer as he drove off. He did a drive-by checking. You're good, boom, takes off. Nobody cared. Nobody fucking cared. Someone told me Rogan periscope me melting down on Saturday. Nobody cares. They want to ask if I think you should ask somebody if you're

periscoping them, right? You should just be allowed to periscope somebody. We need some rules of this shit. But it's just like there's too much weird, weird, I just think there's just so much garbage on periscope that we need some quality control. So you know what I'm gonna start doing? I'm gonna start periscoping Hollywood Boulevard. I'm just gonna every day walk down Hollywood Boulevard for an hour and just periscope the weirdest shit I could find. And by the way that is the closest I'll ever get to be in the crocodile hunter. Because I tried to do this the other day with this

black chick, just cracked out black chick. I'm like hey can I film and she's like, get away from me! She she, because, she, she, she, th. She, th. She, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th. I just just just just just just just just just th. I th. I'm just th. I'm just just just tho, I'm just th. I'm just tho, I'm just tho, I'm just tho, I'm just tho, I'm just tho, I'm just th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th, I th, I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I'm just just just just just just just just thi, I'm just thrown, I'm just thrown, I'm just thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown thrown, I'm just thrown thrown thrown thrown, I cracked out black chick. I'm like, hey, can I film? She said, get away from me! And she like threw a card at me? She just threw, I'm like, oh man, the fight is real, you know what I'm saying? I am deep, deep into this shit, like a animal planet and shit. Like, dude, this is a free-range psych ward. I try to periscope people so people will know I get fucking, almost murder.

All right, so I'm gonna, I'm gonna do something right now. I just, like, what people like, real quick, I just want to get this, like, your time is precious. Don't just watch anybody periscope, like demand some quality. Like what people spend their money on blows my mind. Like Paris Hilton is one of the highest paid DJs in the world. That means most likely somebody is taking anywhere from 25 to $100 to go watch her fucking DJ. Like, don't you work hard for your money? Don't you want to spend it on something worth it?

Why her DJing? I just don't get it. I just don't, I'm just so out of the loop on what people think is cool. Because I would never, like, I go to, I go to, I go to, that girl is dog shit. I would fuck the shit out of her, but that's it. You wouldn't fuck her? You wouldn't, are you in a relationship? Okay, let's say you weren't in a relationship, would you drop dick on that?

Not at all? I don't know man. Like, nah. I think she's just what? Too thin? Oh, you like it, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi, thi, thi. thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi. that's, that's, that's, that's that's that's that's that's that's toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. thin? Oh you like it thick? Me too. I'm from upstate New York, dude. I like my shit sloppy. I like sloppy, everything. Sloppy tits, sloppy ass. I just like sloppy. That's just who I am man. I'm a man who likes sloppy. Fuck this crossfit shit. Give me sloppy. I want a girl who tie her down and I just do whatever I want to do. She puts up a fight but. my my my my my my my my my my my my. I, but but my my my to to to to to th. I, but to to to to to to to th. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit, I like my shit. I like my shit. I like my shit. I like my shit. I like my shit. I like my shit, I like my shit, I the shit, I the shit, I the shit, I the shit, I, I, I the shit, I, I, I, a girl who would tie her all.

Tie her down and I just do whatever I want to do. She puts up a fight, but at some point she's just gonna start cramping. And I can just light her up. So that's just me. I don't know why you people, like I just spent 20, I know, like the go see live comedy show cost anywhere from 20 to 25 bucks. But that's, like that's, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, the the the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go, the go,, but that's a whole different. That's a live performance. I went and saw The Avengers in 3D. $20 at Arklight, $20.

And like for that kind of cash, Scarlet J. Hanson better jump and the screen and suck my dick. At least give me a hand chop. For that kind of cash? Movies $20. And you remember the old 3D used to be really crazy, like it would, like a spare would come out and you're like, ah, it almost hit me? Like, the 3D now isninkies, they like kind of puff out a little bit. That's about it.

It's not really crazy-ass 3D. There was one scene in Lord of the Rings that was the craziest 3D I've ever seen, and that was when the elves were fighting the orcs in like this weird little house. I'm like, holy fuck, I feel... But like, the Avengers? Great movie. T they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, they, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, they, they, they, they, they, in like this this weird little house. I'm like holy fuck I feel but like the the Avengers great movie great movie you know it's so funny about Scott Johansson's character in that movie is that like it is so much like Comic-Con like all the guy superheroes they're all they're you know some of them are built some of them have diabetes built, some of them have diabetes, that's a super, like, but every chick girl dressed up at Comic-Con, their superpower

is being a whore, right? They have the, they have the superpower of being able to go airtight, right? Is that how it goes, right? Like Scarletch Hansen, what she's there to do? Fucking give a happy ending to the Hulk. Her whole job is to jerk off the Hulk so he calms the fuck down, right? She goes Filipino happy ending on him, he comes to fuck down. And why doesn't the Hulk ever want? Like if you were Bruce Banner, wouldn't you always walk around with Spandex on? You're like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, how, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, how, like, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, how, like if you are Bruce Banner, wouldn't you always walk around with Spandex on? You're like, how many, how many genes can you rip before you learn a lesson?

Or go a hammer pants? How great would it be if Bruce, Bruce Jenner transforms to another thing. Bruce Jenner, when he gets angry, he goes, cock zombie crazy. I love how he's trying to act like he isn't going to want dick. Like, you're chopping off your woo woo woo, and you're taking hormone. You're going, you know, you were just like, I've said this before, but he was just in that, he was just in that Kardashian home and he's just like, it's not, it, it, it's not, it, it's not, it's not, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, that he was just in that Kardashian home and he's just like it's not fair that these girls get all these beautiful delicious black dicks that's exactly what happened he just wants some black give them some black dick Kanye

so it's time to we answer your questions here on Twitter here on Twisted I put it out on social media's from around the world and I got some questions for some people got to be honest with you the Instagram questions were a lot more colorful by colorful I mean homoerotic Here we go. Well, we got we got Casper Rottenbol. I believe his name, R-O-T-T-B-O-L-L-L-Rot, he's a big fan of everything I do. He says, do you realize how much you help people around the world with your podcast?

And, hey, you're a very nice guy. You're a very nice guy. I really do appreciate your, your podcast. And hey, you're a very nice guy. You're a very nice guy. I really do appreciate your your your support. Uh, Laura from Toronto, not sure if I want to know the answer to some of the weird things you're into. That's true. I am in the weird shit. But you know, this is Laura who brought her like Pakistani friend who I basically said I could bang her the ass if I wanted to. So who's weird? Who's weird? you? the weird? the weird? the weird? th, th, th, th, their, th, their, th, th, th, their, their, their, uh, uh, uh, uh, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, uh, uh, uh, their, their, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, their, uh, their, their, their, uh, their, their, uh, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, the know, this is Laura who brought her like Pakistani friend who I basically said I could bang her in the ass if I wanted to. So who's weird? Who's weird?

You know, if you point fingers or so, Laura, three fingers point back. Real quick. What else we got there? Andrew Mata, you've been killing it lately, Sam, keep up the good word. But I appreciate the kind words, I'm reading this Jay Richards at elf at Twitter on elf money Clippers losing aside does Harden have the most annoying face in the NBA does he I don't know man there's some annoying faces in the NBA Dwight Howard's got an annoying face in the NBA

Pogasol llama face palaugaol totally looks like a fucking llama. And by the way, has anyone ever seen Phil Jackson and David Letterman in the same room at the same time? Never. They both walked the same way. Like there's some old puppet from a Cirque to Sully play in Las Vegas. You ever see how they walk? It's very weird a Hardin does the hearten has a weird like slightly cross-side look which on women is attractive I'm MBA players. It's uncomfortable like what's wrong with trimming the beard too keep it nice You know a little respect to mr. T. that he clipped that thing fucking groomed dog? groomed that shit. Groomed that shit? that shit? that shit? that shit? that shit? that shit? that shit? that shit? that shit? that that that that that that that th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. the. the. the is th. th. th. th. th. th is is is is is th. th is is th. th is is th is th is th is th is th. th. th is is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is th. It is the. It is the. It's is a the. It's the. It's the. the. the. t. te. te. te. te. te. te. the. the. the. the. the. the respect to Mr. T that you just jacked his look. Mr. T clipped that thing fucking groomed, dog.

Groom that shit. And don't cross your eyeballs. It's uncomfortable. Another question. At one point after the Clippers series, did you ever consider putting a bullet inside your head? That's from Chad Zumach, friend of show. Uh, no, but I'll be honest with you, watching the Clippers loose was like watching your family get murdered on video. It really was.

Like, what is it? Especially that last game where they didn't even show up. It was, it's brutal. It's so hard to be a fan. And Aaron, you don't know what it is because St. Louis baseball's been, forever. You don't really... Have you guys ever lost in the World Series? Ugh. It's gotta be hard, dude. I got a question from Mish, the Dish. On Twitter, at Mish, underscore, the underscore Dish. Any new traffic court stories, your episode on Crabs Feet will go down as history is one of my faves hilarious twisted

No, but I am going to court again Because I got this bullshit ticket from this fucking cop see people don't understand something in LA LA is broke so they can't raise tax What they do they do a back tax a backdoor tax which is writing tickets So there's this one street called Wilcox which I used to live??????????? the th. the th. th. th. th. th. th. their th. th. th. their th. their th. th. their to th. their th. their tha. tha. I thae. I tha. I thae. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm tha. I'm thae. I. I. I thae. I. I. I. I tha. I. I. I. I. I tha. I. I. I. I. I tha. I tha. I. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I tha. I t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I used to live on back in the day in the weekly, with a, that's where the silver robot guy story happened, where a silver robot guy tried to smoke crack with and he tried to suck my dick. And it was right near there. So I'm going through this intersection, it's like, if you live in LA you don't understand it is bumper to bumper like I mean for like blocks you can't see four you can't see back so I get to the intersection I go to make a left

into the intersection suddenly there's a the street is shut down there's like wooden horses in the middle like what those things called gates I don't know what they're right in the middle of, like traffic horses, right in the middle of the street. So I'm halfway in. I see oncoming traffic coming from the south, going north towards me. I freak out. There's no room to go. I freak out so I go right in the north of the uh... south north going traffic there's a middle lane there's nowhere else to go so i'm like fuck nobody's let me in i see a cop i start to freak out i keep trying to pull in to someone date they won't let me in

so the only place to go is there's some there's some room up front so i i i down the street, so I drive down the middle lane. Suddenly I look back, Boo! I see the cops turn on the lights, right? This cop literally does a 15 point turn. It's, that's how bad the traffic is. He can't make a 2.2, or a 3.2, or 4. he has to go, Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, to get around. And of course, I can't even run, which I've run before.

I have run from the police. I would do it. I couldn't. I'm like, fucking, I ain't going anywhere. Take your time with this turn. There's nowhere for me to go. There's no where to you to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to go to you to go. He pulls me over, and he writes me this fucking ticket, and then he tells me like, oh my insurance is, my insurance.

It's a, it's outdated, but I'm not gonna write you a ticket. Hey, fuckhead, don't do me any favors. I'm not anti-cop at all, but don't, dude, you and I both know what's going on here. You have to write a number of tickets tickets tickets my balls for a 300 and certain dollar ticket because this town is broke, which I don't get it. There's so many people to live here. Would you ever agree to a $1 tax on everything if it meant they could build like 20 water that would take salt water and turn it into drinking water? For like five years. Everything you buy over $10 has a dollar tax on it that goes to this thing right 80% is planted in salt water why don't we fix that

into drinking water I don't get it I don't get it Apple I already said it on podcast. Stop making watches, nobody wants! Start making drinking water! This is from Elf Money again. Great question. Have you fucked any other foods or chicken sandwiches? I have not.

That was a one-time thing. It was just a great time. I feel like my relationship with Steve Byrne has forever been altered. He doesn't seem very happy about the fact that I stuck my dick in his chicken sandwich. And you know the truth is if you fuck my chicken sandwich I would laugh okay and then I'd be like, fuck it, you know? It's like the mayonnaise probably killed anything you got anyways. You know what I'm saying?

It's not like I, listen, I did not jizz on his chicken's, and that's a big part of that story. You know how long it would take for me to get off on a chicken sandwich? I'd have to get on Porn Hub and watch some porn as I hump my friend's chicken sandwich. And then imagine if he walked in on me humping his chicken sandwich. I don't know why everybody thinks that's so weird.

What is Twisted? This is somebody, the real Morty, mostly basketball. Twisted is a podcast that I hope you're listening to right now. So let's go to Instagram and then we're almost done everybody. Let's get to the questions. I love this. Okay here we go, wow. Wow. Here we go. Tons of. Uh, how many from S I... -I-I-I-U-S-T-M-R-C tomorrow, this is on Instagram if you want to find these people. S-I-E underscore T-M-R-C tomorrow, maybe?

Is that it? S-I-T- are we talking about? I mean if we're talking Asian dicks I could probably go with six or seven. If we're talking black dicks two at the most black dicks I could get in my mouth. But I mean it's probably the same, I'm not, I'm not known for having a humongous mouth so the amount of Dix I can put in my mouth is probably the same amount as Dix as Aaron can put in his mouth or whoever see Tamar can fit in his mouth. So at the end of the day, you know, we all may like a little different baseball or football teams, you know, like different sandwich.

But at the end of the day, we pretty much all can fit the same amount of Dix in our mouth. If that doesn't bring it together, I don't know what will. Okay? Uh, coming to Chicago anytime soon. That's from X.DRK, man, X 51. I am, I want to come to Chicago soon. I hit up the laugh factory in Chicago. If you drop them in a commeemel, tell them you them you them you them you them you them you them you want them you want them you want them you want them you want them you want the the the the the the the the the the thoome thoom. I thoom. I thoomorrow thoomorrow thoomorrow thi. I don't thi-I don't tooomoomoomoomoomoomoom. I don't tooom. I don't tooom. I'm to come. I'm to come. I'll will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will will. I to come. I I to come. I to come. I to come. I tooicicicicicicicicicicici. I'll will. I'm tooing. I'ma. I'm tomorrow. I'ma. I'm tooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom. I'ma. I near you and you drop them email, tell them you want Sam Tripli, come, I'm going to come near town. I'm trying to get to Chicago. I'd like to play the Laugh Factory. I'd like to play the Laugh Factory. I'd like to get out there in Rock the taugh, if you can't to get to get out, hit, hit, hit, I, I, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, I.. I, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, hit, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I. I'm, I. I. I. I, I, I. I. I. I, I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I, I. I, I. I. I, I. I, I, I. I, I. I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm t. I'm t. I'm t. I'm try. I'm try, I'm try, I'm try, I'm try. I'm try. I'm try. I'm two for one everybody. So let's make that happen. Great question. Thank you, Darkman 51.

Ah, Bloody Birdie, how do you ever get laid? Same way everybody else does. I get my meat shank hard and I just go for glory, dude. I don't know what. You act like women won't fuck anything. Hitler had a wife and a side piece. Chicks will bang anybody. Tiger tiger tiger tiger tiger to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho tho th. to to tho. tho. to to to to to to. to. to. to. I is. to. to. to. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I was. I is. I is. I is. I is. I is. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. to. I. to. to. to. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t. t.a. t.a. t. t.a............................. Chicks will bang anybody. Tiger Woods got laid a lot. And that guy's not good looking.

I don't give a shit. Money cleans that dude up a lot. I mean, there's a lot of guys. Remember the guy from American Pie who fucked the apple pie? Jason, what's his name? Jason Biggs? Biggs? Back in his heyday when that guy was hidden, he's, he's, he, he, he, he, he, he, he, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's, he's he wi, he's he wi, he's he wi, he's he wi, he's th, he's thi, he's, he's, he's thi, he's, thi, that's that, that, that, that, that's that, that's that, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that, that's is is is is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is not is that, that, that that that's is that's that's that's that's that's that's that's that's thi, that's thi, thi, thi, thi, that's thi, thi, that's not thi, thi, thi, that's not thi, thi, that's not thi, I don't even know. Jason what? Biggs? Jason Biggs? Back in his heyday when that guy was hidden, he used to leave the sky bar, cross-fews in the com store, at the Mondrian, with dime pieces. If that guy can get laid, anybody can get laid. Anybody can get laid. There's three, what's there, 3.1 billion snatches on this planet?

Like, it's not that hard, dude. You gotta stop putting chicks on pedestals. Bang everything. I'm just like getting old where it's like, I'd rather just get a burrito and go sleep. I got a girlfriend too, so let's not change that. But things are, what's worse? Ari Schafir's balls or asshole? That, there's no winner. There's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's there's so let's not change that. But things are... What's worse? Arey Shafir's balls or asshole? That... There's no winner in this story. There's no winner. Both are horrible.

One is Elphentitis of the nuts. And the other one is a black hole of shit. And it just... I gotta go with his asshole. I gotta go with his asshole. I don't think th in the th in th in thin' in tho tho tho tho tho tho tho 't think he washes it. Dude, I shampoo my dirt hole every time I shower. I get in there and I shampoo it. Because you just never know when you're gonna meet one of those ass eating chicks who just, and I'm not even looking for it.

And you just, you never know when they just want to eat ass and you gotta be a champion. And I don't walk around and baby wipes on me. I know some chicks to do that. It's like, what does that say about you? You never know when you got baby wipe it up? But both are losers. That's like asking, like, who do you want to ruin your town more? Godzilla or King Kong? It's both pretty bad. There are no winners in that scenario, my friend. That's a great question, Curtis, Mick Danes.

Cinders. Okay. Noddy Show Live Show Story. What was your most nightmarish live gig ever? Hell's Angel Biker Fuck Face Head, Grind Dance Contest excluded. Okay, that's a great point. The worst gig I ever did, the worst gig I was at, I did was, ah, it was, fucking, what's the name of this gig in Long Beach? I've talked about this before. Something Jungle. The Something Jungle in Long Beach. I forget the name of the club, but it was, it was one of these gigs where Adam Hunter had booked me

on this gig and he's like, hey, come down to do this gig, it's the something jungle down here. And I'm like, okay, and this is this is this is this is this is this is tha tha tha tha thi thi thi thi thi thi this gig, it's the something jungle down here and I'm like okay and this is back in day where like any gig anytime I'm gonna I'm gonna master all rooms because I was just I would run I'd run and do gigs I would run and do I go deep in the Compton I would do gigs where black comics swear to guy were like I ain't going down there fuck that I'm like nobody shoots a white boy that just because you know I've watched enough for 48 to know to to to to to to the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the to the the the to the to the to to th. I to to to to to th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm like like like. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm th. I'm like like like to to to to know, like nobody shoots the white people. Only white people shoot white people. Because black people know if you shoot a white boy, the cop show up. So I'll go down, and the liquid zoo, it was called, the liquid zoo in Long Beach. And I show up and people were like, what's so bad about this gig, literally, was, if BET remade Roadhouse, that's what this gig was like.

Just imagine instead of Patrick Swayze, it's me walking in. Now here's the thing about this gig. This gig had happened right around when Michael Jackson died. And a friend of Dana's had won the lottery to get tickets to go to the memorial. She would live in Maryland, she couldn't make it. So she set us the tickets and we had we had the wristbands on because we were going the next day. I was so excited to have I just put it on. So I show up and I go to Liquid Zoo, the most ghetto bar I've ever. This is how ghetto the bar was. I walk down, I'm like, where the fuck is security? I just walk around to the pool in the back. Their security, I smell weed, right? I'm like, oh man, something's

smelling weed. I go in the back, the security is rolling the joints and smoking the weed. That's where we're at. So I proceed th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th th that that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I that, I'm tho, I'm the their their their their their, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, where, where, where, I'm like, where, where, where, I'm like, where, where, where the the the the the the the the the the the the proceed to go and I watch this gig. It is literally every bad ethnic group comic going up and it was like black people eat pussy like this and then I like Mexican walk up Mexican pussy eat pussy like this and that was ever it was so bad this one guy and this was when California had voted down same-sex marriage, remember that? Everyone's like, oh, it's gonna pass California, and it didn't pass, and it didn't pass. Well, apparently nobody at the Liquid Zoo had heard that, because they had all assumed that gay marriage had passed. And this guy's doing a 10-minute rant on they, he can't believe

gay marriage just passed. I like, it didn't happen. He's like, he stared at me like, whatever, you know. So I had this bit about, I was like, I'm gonna get the fuck out of here. There's no way I'm gonna kill. Because it's just some rooms you just can't do. And it's just some rooms where they just want simple shit and it's just not what I'm, and it's just some rooms where I'd thrown just th. thu s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s s. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. th. th. th. th. th. th. thi. thi. thi. th. th. th. this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this this thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. th go do this gig and I used to have this big gig I think I called the reverse skullfucker where I challenged girls to a sexy dance competition. They give me and I take them, I'd flip them upside and I would skull hump them. So I did that. I basically dropped the mic right there and walk the fuck out. And that's literally, I called up Adam Hunter the next day I go, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, I, I'd thi, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd I'd th, I'd th, I'd th, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd th, I'd the, I'd th, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I'd that, I go, hey, don't ever call me again. You are dead to me. And that was it, man.

That's just like, yeah, fuck, I had something I wanted to talk about but I can't remember what it is. Damn it. So that's it. That was at the Liquid Zoo in Long Beach. By far the worst gig I've ever done in my life. When are you coming to Sydney, Australia? I'm supposed to come? I don't th to to come to come to the to the to to the to to to to the to to to to to to the to the to to the to the to to the to the the to to the the to to the to to to to to to the to the to to to to to to to to to me. I to me. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. Fe. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. F. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I th. I thin, the the the to. I tod, today. I the today, the the the toda. I'm. I'm, toda. I'm, toda. I'm, toda. I'm. I'm. I'm today. I'm today. I'm supposed to come. I don't know what happened. These guys want to book me out there. I don't know. Michael Penae A. A. A. A. Great question. Thank you for asking. No, man. They wanted, they wanted, they said they were going to book me. We were supposed to do it during the summer and I haven't heard back from him. I hit them I'm going to China, which is going to be crazy. I'm really nervous about doing China because you have to do really simple material out there. And I don't really have, even my simple shit is dark, but I'll just improv and have fun. I'm going to Shanghai, dude. Love it. Shanghai is the best. If you ever get to go Shanghai, go by yourself and go be a grown-ass man. Shanghai's the close I'll ever get to be in Clint Eastwood.

That's what I've learned. You can just be a man's man out there. Men are men! I don't drink, though. That'll be the only problem. But it should be fun. Ah, X-Men. I'd love to know the answer to Dark Man's question. I don't know what that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that th th th th th thi thi thi thi thi to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be to be thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. thi. the thean. thoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo. too. too. to know the answer to Darkman's question. My guess is nine?

I don't know what that means, Jason Tibo. I wish you wouldn't be so hard on yourself. I think you're awesome. Do you have a dream project? That is from G. Okay, real quick. Stop. Okay, I jumped things. Let me go to, okay, let me finish that. That's Jesus E.W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. W. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. I. th. I. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. th. I think you're awesome. Do you have a dream project? That's a great question. Do I have a dream project? Yes, I'm out currently writing on it right now.

My manager has it and hopefully he'll green light it and we'll start pitching it. It's a drama. My goal is to get the naughty show on television at some point and apparently I have to get other things going and then I can come in when I'm an 800 a an an an an an an an 800 a a a a a a 800 the the the the the the the the the the tho h h ho ho ho the the tho tho tho tho to tho to get other things going and then I can come in when I'm an 800 pound gorilla and get that done. I just want to tour and do stand-up. I want to get the naughty show in Las Vegas. I want to get on television and I just want to make projects. So yeah, and I appreciate you getting hard. I joke, I joke around with myself.

I'm joking. I'm just, I know you guys are like, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I tho, I th, I thi, I th, I th, I th, I th, I to, I want, I want, I want to, I want to, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I want, I, I want, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, I th, th, th, th. thi, thi, thi, to, to, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to, to, to, am, and that's something I'm really working on right now. The four agreements and all that stuff and thinking grow rich, the laws of attraction, I'm really working on that, just putting out positive energy. Try not to focus, like, you know, because in your life, you see all this shit in front of you, and depending on your life experiences what you focus on, some of the negative shit going on, like, and to, like, and to, to, and to, and I, and I, and I, and, to, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, and, the, the, the, the, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, their, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, and, th, and, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thin, thi, thin, thi......................................... And on the negative, and I used to be that guy, all the negative shit going on when all this great positive stuff's going on. Like I have this really great thing I'm doing with this network right now that I can't explain,

I can't say until it's green light, the project is a go. And once that's a go, I love to let's know because I you you you you you you you you you you you you I think you think you think you th you th you th you think you th th think you th think you think you thi I, you'll really love this. So I appreciate that. Jesus EW, I appreciate that man, you're a good man, my friend. I appreciate the kind words. Just no, I ain't going anywhere. And then this one's two, the dude's dad. Do you think the clippers are going to dismantle after the meltdown? What do you think they should do? I I tho? I tho? I think think think think think think think thi. I they should they should they should thi. I thi. I they should thi. I thi. I thi. I thi. I don't thin' thin' thin' thi. I thi. I don't thin' thin' thin' thin' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi' thi. I' thi. I' thatu. I' thatu. I' thatu. I that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that, that thin' that thin' that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that that think they're going to dismantle. They may... Listen dude, I just have a big problem

with giving a guy like DeAndre Jordan, $20 million, when he can't run an offense through him. You need a sharp shooter. You need somebody. Like if I can get Tyson Chandler and a couple wing guys, I'm happy. Why is it anything going to be different next year if we signed DeAndre to 20 mil? Why is it going to be any fucking different? We need to get shooters, sharp shooters, guys who want the ball at the end of the day. I would love to have Camilla Anthony. I'd trade DeAndre j-in-jorda. I know people think I'm crazy. You need to either let DeAndre go or get rid of J.J. Reddick. Because they're too much a specialist.

You can't have that many specialists in your starting lineup. And you need a taller guy, 6-5 guy. You do. I've said before. People can call me crazy. This whole Nick thing, people melting down on the Knicks because they in this thing. Not just three that everybody's telling you. There's six. There's some, there's some like, European power forward. I forget what his name is.

I don't want to look it up right now. But there's a, and then there's Winslow out of Duke. There's Mundy, this kid who should have gone to SMU, with Larry Brown, who's point, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, and th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, tho, there's, thi, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there's, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, there, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is, is thi, is thi, is thi, is a thi, is a tho, tho, is a thoooooooooomoomoomorrow, is a thooomorrow, is a there's, there's, there's six five and this is a point guard's league if I'm the Knicks I'm like that's who I'm taking you're in a good place I would try to move Camero Anthony that's just me I just I just think Carmel needs to go to a team where he realizes he's the third option hello clippers move him to get there and this is what you do with the o o the off the off the o. the off the off the o the o' the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the the tho tho. I'm theonsonsonseck is tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm tho. I'm th. I'm th. I'm that's is is. I'm th. I'm that's is. I's is. I's is. I I's is. I I I I I I I's is. I's is. I I I I's is. I I's is. I's is th. I's is the th. I's is the the th. I'm th. I'm the th. I'm th. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm the. I'm thean. I'm the. the. I'm. th. I'm. th. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. I'm. Clippers. Move him to get there and this is what you do with him. You go, hey dude, we're gonna move the offense. And at the end of the game, you do what the New Jersey Nets used to do when they had Jason Kidd

was give the ball to Vince Carter and you just let him shoot. Because he's gonna either get fouled or he's gonna dunk or hit it. How was that dude? I thought it was only going to do 30 minutes. That was fun, right? Guys, I love you very much. I don't know how funny that was. I had a good time. I thought it was good. I'll get back to doing this more and more. I love everybody. I love Al Magical. I love Aaron. I love everybody here at All Things Comedy. We're going to take a week off from the international bad boys for Memorial Day. I want you guys to have a great Memorial Day weekend, enjoy the UFC fights, go out, have some fun, get shit-faced, make some bad decisions, get home safely, don't drink, don't drive. It's not worth it man. Especially now a Uber dude, just get a fucking Uber. If you're, if you get a DUI now, you're, you're retarded. Just get a fucking Uber, dude.

All right guys, I love you very much. This is twisted We're gonna go out with a little song. I wish I could play out of the food fighters from last night I think I would play that but I think SoundCloud goes through and if they hear a song then they'll they won't let you up later So guys, this is the this has been twisted with Sam Tripoli if you like this, please, tell, please, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, tha, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, th, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, thi, to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to to thr-a,, this is the, this has been twisted with Sam Tripoli. If you like this, please let me know. If you didn't like it, please let me know. Just hit me back, keep me posted and, oh shit, I didn't plug it in. Hold on. Here we go, let's do this one more time. This is Twisted with Sam Tripoli. Let's, uh, I'll see you guys. Have a great Memorial Day weekend. Yeah. To me it seems to have lost your steam. It seems you've lost it, lost it.

Demons. Threaten, freedom gone and all exhausted. Dreaming, dreams of fortune. All your deeds are all imprompt and not in sync with laws and warnings never heated why you blot them marching forth. And choosing what to keep in lead consistently.