Toni and Ryan - A Vlogging Star Is Born

Episode Date: April 2, 2025

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Sunrise on the Reaping, available now at audible.ca. Hello and welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Tony. This is Ryan. We never start an episode without a TARPA approval. Yep. TARPA is Tony and Ryan podcast-er. Now let's give Ollie and Sydney a buzz. Hello, this is Oliver speaking. Welcome to Sydney weather. It's currently 29 degrees and sunny.

How can I take your call today? I am so fucking glad that someone's on board with the weather check-ins. Thank you very much. I really appreciate that. Tony approves of that. Oliver, do you approve of today's episode? Of course I approve.

Amazing. Hi, it's Ollie from Sydney and I approve this podcast. It's Thursday, Thursday, Gotta do normal on our Thursday, getting ready for the weekend, weekend, party, party. Normal on our thanks for sending these through via the Tony and Ryan Facebook group or Tonyandryan.com.au. These are actually all from tarpas. We don't make these up. I think it's really important to acknowledge that people are having these thoughts and we get to share in those. Isn't that cool?

Georgina. Hi Georgina. Staying up until midnight on their 11th birthday, hoping their Hogwarts acceptance letter just had been lost in the mail. Did you say Hogwarts? Staying up until midnight and... Georgina, normal or nah?

I wonder what this will be. Staying up until midnight on their 11th birthday, hoping their Hogwarts acceptance letter had just been lost in the mail and that Hagrid was going to rock up and whisk them away to live an epic life as a witch or wizard. Normal. Absolutely normal. And then I also waited until I was 16, thinking that I might, it might still be likely

that I'm the princess of Genovia, my mom and dad just wanted to protect me so I could have a normal childhood. 16 was also the same age that Sabrina the teenage witch found out that she was a witch. So I was like, I've still got two good options available to me. At 16.

Yeah, so like I hit 11. 31, where are we at? Yeah, nah, it's all gone. The magic drains away. Is there like an elderly Sabrina? Like what's the, cause you could still be a witch. I really think so.

That girl who lives down the road from you, a fucking witch. Girl, lady, old crone. Old crone. What? Old crone woman. When do you reckon- She's scary, you know, I've never actually seen her again Like yeah, because there's no proof that even happened Like did I have like a fucking no, but didn't we have a witch whisperer join the team?

Mm-hmm. No, so we've got a few Tony Ryan witches now, but do witches cancel out other witches go They know that I guess the intentions is what like we, you know. Oh, so they weren't like an exorcist of witches? No, that doesn't exist. Okay. But yeah, so until I was 16 and it was literally my 16th birthday and I was like, does anyone have anything to tell me? And Mama Double like, Yeah, we got you a card and a Hoyt's voucher. Yeah, literally. Mama Double like, what? I was like, don't even fucking worry about it.

It's like, if you loved me, you would be telling me right now that I'm the princess of Genovia or that I'm a teenage witch. And yeah, so that didn't happen. And I just do you know what? Embarrassingly, like, was like, this is happening. Like, there was just no part of me that didn't believe it. If any other person on this earth told me that story, I'd be like, whatever. But Tony, Felicia, Louise Lodge, I'd be really surprised if you said you weren't expecting

it. Yes! But also like, you know that I'm not just being like, oh, I thought that might happen in like a lame, like I genuinely was like, where's my wand? Like, I was like so ready Sabrina the Teenage Witch to not use a wand. She could do it with her finger. But I just yeah. And because in Sabrina the Teenage Witch, the early ones,

the nasty girl on the show was Libby. And so I was like, there's a connection here because my sister's called Libby. Like, I just was like, so certain that like this was coming for me. Hell upset. Still, still. I'm 31. This is what? 16 years ago, 15 years ago. Like, I'm literate and I'm still like, fuck you. Fuck you, universe years ago. Like I'm literate and I'm still like, fuck you. Fuck you, universe.

Yeah. So normal for me. Jason G. Going to all the tourist hotspots in Japan and getting really fucking annoyed with how many other tourists are also going to these hotspots in Japan. Normal or not? Also going to these hotspots in Japan. Normal or nah? I think it's normal, because it's just being a tourist anyway, anywhere,

and you go to a tourist place and you go, oh, there's so many tourists here. Why do we all individually think we're better than tourists when we are the tourists? The tourists, I know. You're not in traffic, you are the traffic. Yes. Even like-

I found this great secret blog that has this secret space. Was it the first thing that came up on Google when you typed in places in city? Or when someone says, I found this awesome local place. You go, oh, how'd you find it? They go on urban list. Yeah.

Like, and you go, oh, okay. Hope no one else finds it either. So yeah, the mailing list that comes straight into your inbox every week when you move to a new city. Yeah, that one. How'd you- Yeah, underground. I actually... So when we were in Tassie last weekend for coming in Tony's box,

I was literally like, oh, so glad there's not too many tourists around, because it was like during the day on Friday. And then I was like, oh, well, this is how they make money. Like tourists is how they make money. Like, this is the whole thing. Yeah. So. Um, speaking of you being, cause you've been to Japan twice. I have.

Um, on Friday when we were in Tasmania, where did we have lunch? At Bawa Izakaya, Japanese place. That got recommended many times and was wonderful. Is it true? And Charles is going to test this. So don't lie when I ask you this, because he was also there. Yeah. Is it true that the chef came out and asked for advice? Don't be, don't be embarrassing. Don't be embarrassing.

Oh, have you been to Japan twice? Can you let us know if I've done this right? Sorry that they heard my amazing pronunciation of Okonomiyaki and then they then asked me for advice. Okay. And they go, oh, I'm actually thinking about visiting for the first time. Where would you recommend we stay? Thank you.

And I go, do you want to stay at our house? We own a place there. Would you like to? When Tony did pronounce that word, it was quite impressive because I had also attempted it. And you did awesome. Thank you. Yeah, you really well.

Tia has a normal honor-er. Hi Tia. I live in a townhouse and we don't- Must be nice. And I only have a few square meters of grass in the courtyard. Nice. Too small to warrant buying a lawnmower. Nope. So I cut the grass with scissors.

There are no small lawns, only small people. I think get the lawn mower We all deserve it one of the favorite videos I've ever seen in my life is this guy that literally has one Square meter of lawn and has a ride on tractor like it's for a skid and just goes In fact there was chat of you getting a ride on at your place. Oh chat, I think that you said, well crane it in. You can't even get it down the side of my house. I have to like crane it in over the thing. Are we still?

Yeah, I'm thinking about it. Okay. Yeah. So hey, am I just normal or nah, you're saying nah? I'm saying, well, I love the commitment to cutting with scissors is very funny. Yeah. But nothing's too small for a lawn mower. And I'm always saying that.

You are, you are. Finally, Kate Claire. Hi Kate, hi Claire. Walking your pet with only one ear bud in because you don't want to be rude and make them feel like you're ignoring them or you're not listening to them. Is this normal or nah?

No. It's normal. I don't wear headphones when I'm walking Pippa. Because I don't want her to think that I'm just like doing something else. Like I want her to know that I'm like, I'm locked in and I'm there for like mommy daughter time. So most nights I'll take BJ for a walk and I'll listen to something with both headphones in. And now I read this and was like, huh.

And then I was like, huh. And now I've got the guilt. You should. For every, for not like, like every single walk I've done is BJ just looking at me and going, oh fuck it. He's probably tried to drum up conversation with you and you just haven't heard it.

Like he's probably going like, oh, beautiful night tonight. And you're just like, the secret to business is well, jokes on BJ. I'll never tell him the secret to business. Hey, it's Ollie from Sydney and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. This episode is brought to you by Madure and Majuri has the nicest fine jewelry. It's perfect for stacking and wearing every day and you can like play around with different styles, mix different colors and metals and stack different combos.

So there's really something for everyone. And can I tell you a cute little personal note? Please. You know these gold earrings that I wear? They're Majuri. Oh. And they were like the first bit of jewellery I ever bought myself. Yeah. Would you say that was the gateway? That was your first like, oh, I think I'm a jewellery

person now. Yes, I'm a Majuri person now. Put that on the front cover of, it's not a book, of this audio ad. The products are beautifully designed and have a minimal but fun vibe, just like Tony, minimal and fun. Oh my gosh, you speak my language. And it's also affordable. Maduri pieces are designed in-house and handcrafted by world renowned jewelers committed to quality craftsmanship as well as ethical and sustainable jewelry production. Plus in 2020, the brand launched the Maduri Empowerment Fund in support of higher education for underrepresented women and non-binary individuals. So they're doing good while helping us look good. Epic. Pretty good. Love it. Play, mix, and stack in store in app or on madury.com. Let's talk about cream.

I love cream. Are we talking like ice cream or like moisturiser? Actually as a sensitive skin girl, I can do both. I know you can do both. And as much as we love ice cream, I'm currently talking about moisturizer. I'm talking about Aveeno Baby Healthy Start, which for young kids you can use from day one. You can use this Healthy Start balm to help moisturize, nourish and comfort the skin of babies. And when Mabel is older, I want you, Tony, to remind her who moisturizes her every night.

So when she's got beautiful skin, you'd be like, yep, Dad used to do that for you. Well, I was about to say, you're doing a great job because she high-fived me yesterday when I came round for dinner, and they were the softest hands I've ever felt. You're welcome, Tony. You're welcome, Mabel.

Well, we love a routine, and we know how important good skin habits are to start early, and with a Veno Baby Healthy Start, it's easy to moisturise and support baby skin moisture barrier from day one. You can learn more at avino.ca A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. NatSkiSki, thanks Nat. Sabrina Jordan, Sabrina the Teenage Witch.

That's got to be a sign, eh? How old is she? Oh, just 15 years and 11 months. Oh, you're about to get the best news. What is it about being Sabrina the Teenage Witch that you wanted? It was more just that I was like, well, if she found out when she was 16, or she was supposed to find out when she was 16, it just meant I was like, there's another milestone birthday coming. What about being the witch that was exciting? You can do magic. Yeah, but like, was there a specific part?

Like, you know how Alex Maxx has like a couple of different tricks and we all have our favorites? Yeah. Like which was your favorite? Like she could do magic. There's no, that's the favorite thing is that you could do whatever you wanted. And you could like, you know, like if girls were being nasty to you at school, you could like do stuff to them. And she had access to that secret realm, like behind the linen cupboard, like how cool.

Have you ever checked behind the linen cupboard? Yep. Definitely did as a kid. Yeah. Yeah. It just felt like I just felt like I was special enough for that to maybe be my reality. Yeah, it's being special. Yeah. Yeah. But the like the favorite part is that like I was a witch. Well, I thought I was. Yeah, okay. And sometimes I do try, I just laugh, but it doesn't work. You go to Jack. Yeah. I just do a quick...

What's that movie that British movie with the girl that's not British who's in The Notebook and the movie is called like A Time to Die, a time to live, a time once upon a time. A time to die, isn't that a James Bond movie? It's basically all the men in the family have the, typical, have the ability to go back in time. About time? I haven't seen it. About time.

About time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great film. So basically when the men in the family get to a certain age, they can go back in time, but to only of their like experiences. So they can go back to that day where they did that thing. Yeah. So you have to have seen it to travel there. Yeah. You can't just like go back to medieval time or Game of Thrones. I would, because I want to eat one of those big turkey legs.

You know how they eat those big legs. Well, if you had a turkey leg once, you could go back to that day as often as you want. So anyway, there's the scene where the dad's sort of going like, oh son, like there's something I need to tell you. Like you are now old enough to have this power. And the kid's obviously like, cause the dad's a bit of a quirky dad. So he's a bit like, oh yeah, right. Oh dad, like sure we can go back.

And he's like, no, like I know this sounds crazy, but all you need to do is go to a dark space and like clench your fists and like, and just imagine the place you want to go to and off you go. Yeah. And could you imagine? I don't know where this is going. Here we go. Okay. So then he's obviously like, oh, that's ridiculous, dad.

And then he's like, don't try it. And then he does and he finds out it's true and blah blah blah. But like, what a sick gag that the fact that he could have just walked to a cupboard and tried. Yeah. And he comes back out and just goes fuck you. See I would have fallen for that. Yeah. 100%. I wouldn't now from you. Wouldn't you? Not from you.

But what if that slight chance I wasn't taking the piss? Yeah, I would still try. Yeah. Or like if my sister said to me, she's like, it's finally time that you knew. I would do it 100% just to just to make sure. Like and we don't do pranks. So I would be like, well, you're not fucking. You wouldn't do that to me if it wasn't true. Do you know? But like, you're not fucking, you wouldn't do that to me if it wasn't true. Do you know what?

But like, you know, anyway, um, main runner, eight to eight. Thank you so much for being champion. Tapper, Caitlin Robson. Love you, Caitlin. Amy Prasad and Laura Amole. Is she does say that about Laura? We did mention we were in Tasmania last weekend and, uh, we've had to do some checks with the legal department to get the, if

this story is allowed to be told. Legal department HR and I've said, yep, all good. How many comments did we get about the Duck River butter? In real life. Yeah. Like people saying that we should try it. Yeah. Heaps.

Like, so on the live stream, people's probably like 10 or 15 people. Like you've got gotta try this butter. Yeah, yeah. So then Tony is like, fuck this, we're gonna find that butter. And a vlogging star is born. I got a call from Bradley Cooper and Lady Gaga last night. Yeah, and what did they say?

We wanna do a sequel to A Star Is Born, can we do Tony's story about being a vlogger? That's huge. And they go, we've just do a sequel to A Star Is Born. Can we do Tony's story about being a vlogger? That's huge. And they go, we've just found out actually she's not a witch. So we'll have to cancel it. Yeah, I made a vlog and for people playing along, I've talked about trying to vlog like a couple of weeks ago on the pod.

And I was like, I think I just have to try it. And I made this vlog and I like laid in my bed and edited it, like spent 10, 15 minutes on it, brought it out to you guys to be like, what do you reckon? And you were like, no edits, fucking pop it up. And I was so proud of the, and it was so fun. Yeah, and it was awesome.

We loved it. The comments on that were going off. A guy at the football came up to Tony and said, are you the duck butter girl? That's not even a joke. That actually happened. And Tony's like, I've got a whole podcast. He's like, never seen that in my life. You came up on my feed with the duck butter girl? That's not even a joke. That is not a joke. That actually happened. He goes, oh, just. And he's like, I've got a whole podcast.

He's like, never seen that in my life. You came up on my feed with the duck butter, good on you. And he's like, that was really funny by the way. And I was like, thank you. I was like, don't, mate, we were gonna have to. I was like, I'm actually engaged. Yeah, we're not gonna hear the end of it. So during the duck butter vlog,

you made us, me and Charles some toast and you put the duck butter butter on. Yep. And then we both tried it and ate it. So like right at the end, it's all of our like reactions to trying the butter. Yes. And you guys go, yeah, great. And I go, oh my God, awesome.

And that's the end of the video. Yep. So Charles, correct me if I'm wrong. Is it true that a girl you met one time on a Contiki tour In **** sorry, is that allowed? now lives in Hobart and goes, saw you're in town. What are you doing tonight? That is true, always lived in Hobart. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But it was Tony's vlog that reminded her that you were in town. I hadn't posted, I was away. There was nothing on my story or anything. Yeah. But she saw my vlog on her For You page and watched the whole thing. So retention, very high, very good. Yeah, because Charles is at the end. People are watching the whole thing.

Charles is right at the end. And she watched it again to make sure it was him, then texted him and was like, let's catch up tonight. And he did. And he did. Now, we are like the most embarrassing mom and dad ever. And Ryan are like, bring her back here. Like, well, good, we we're gonna go to bed anyway.

We don't mind Charles is like, fuck off. And he, yeah, that's not what happened. Is it true that after a few little giggles that you went up to Charles and said, if you're out on the big bad town and something happens, you can call me and I'll come and pick you up. As I was walking to the door to leave. Cause I was like, look, I know that we've obviously

been laughing about it, but like, if anything happens, you just ring me and I'll come and get you. Was that nice or just weird to hear? No, it was sweet. Okay. Oh, thank you, Charles. Cause I was like, genuinely though, we're like, you know, we're overseas and the thing is, is that we need to be

careful when we're traveling. I said, do you have your money belt tucked right up? But I'm a fucking Casanova. Turns out I actually thought I had zero game and I'm getting people redacted. Now here's what I, this all is true. However, you can not wipe the smile on my face. I couldn't be happier if I was the one that got redacted.

Do you know what I mean? I don't think it counts, I think it counts as you being a good wing woman, but I don't think you can say I've got game because Charles met a girl in Amsterdam. Someone got fucked because of my vlog. Redacted. Redacted. Someone got redacted because of my vlog. Yeah, but I don't think that means you've got game. I mean, I think that means you're a good wing person.

Does it mean I am a good vlogger because she watched till the end? Yes, then. Yeah, it does mean you're a good vlogger. That's quite good. See, I'll take that my editing prowess in InShot. Now, I don't want to drop the C-bomb again, but yesterday, Toni in the office sat back in her chair and went, huh, this must be what it feels like to be a Casanova. And I got fired from Nova. So it's honestly... I used to to be a Casanova. And I got fired from Nova.

So it's honestly, I used to be a Casanova. That was my first radio job and I didn't feel like that. No, but I bet you did get redacted. There was some redacting. Yeah. The thing is, is that I actually like Torbz had to sit me down and go, you can't keep making vlogs because you're just going to have sex with people. That's what he said.

And then he flew to the US. You all guess what, when you're out of town, I'm going to vlog all over this place. Imagine if Jorz goes, he starts making travel vlogs. I just couldn't be prouder of getting Charles redacted on our work trip. Yeah. And I would like to, with your permission, say if anyone else would like to get redacted this weekend, send through your request to Tony and she'll get the vlog gone. And I'll get the vlog on.

Yeah. Get my vlog on. I'm pretty sure that's how it works. I believe so. Yeah. Now I've got another, I mean, could it get any better than that? As if it could get any better than getting Charles redacted via my vlog, but here we go.

This is on Craigslist, a request that someone's put through. Oh. And I think I'm in. Please do vlog of Tasmanian butter. Now I've got one main concern with it and I'm gonna read it. Only one? You guess what the, but then the concern is addressed.

Oh, okay. But I'll read most of this and then you tell me what you think my concern is. Okay. Hello. Hi. I would like to try farting into a gentleman's dick hole because it has always intrigued me conceptually.

Would the fart get stuck into it? Would it escape? If you let me fart in your dickhole I'll exchange with you several jars of fresh preserves I make from this summer's Marronberry's batch in my backyard. Because I don't have money to pay so they're offering up the jam. Now what so I'm like okay you know that sounds fair um but I've got a concern here. Is it that you don't know what the word conceptually means? You're like what does that mean? Um swap and And the next sentence does like, does address it, but I just want to know if you. What's a Marron Berry?

That's what I think about. I don't know what a Marron Berry is. It's a hundred percent organic. That's good. Is that what the next sentence is? Don't worry. The berries are organic. Close. No. What is it? The mar- In case you're wondering, because I think of all the things you could be wondering after

being asked if someone can fart in your dick hole, don't worry, the marron berries are gluten free. Don't be such a prude. No one's worried about the dickhole. We're worried about gluten. Because I was like, and now that's cleared up. Um, I am busy this weekend. What is, um, is all, what would be the gluten in any jam? Is that a stupid question? I know we're getting away from the dickhole, but would there be like, what would the gluten be? It's like berries, sugar and gelatin. There wouldn't be any gluten in gelatin, would there? Surely is jam gluten free?

Yeah, most jams are gluten free. Right. Well, I guess I'm free to get farted in. That's a stupid thing to then add on. Oh, they're not paying per word. You know when you put like a thing in the paper and you got it's like 70 cents a word or whatever. Yeah, you've wasted a sentence there. Yeah, what a waste of time.

But yeah, there's the ad and there's a little map of where they're located so you know if you're close by. Oh, good. Dickhole in your area. Um thank God. Thank you very much have a nice day. Oh that's nice. Well you know they're nice.

Yeah polite. And so if you are also intrigued conceptually I will let you know next Monday. And I'll be feeling good because no gluten. Should we buy some bagels? For the jam. For the jam. A crumpet? That might have gluten in it.

It definitely does. Yeah, yeah. I've really loved to see it here from Sharni who sent this through on Patreon. And it does get into coincidence chat area. And I think it's very good though. Okay, yeah, okay. Shani says, during lockdowns I got right into puzzling.

So like, didn't we all? You know, the banana bread, the puzzles, we all did the same shit. This funky cafe near me was selling artsy puzzles and during lockdown I finished a puzzle and realised like I had an extra piece. Oh. So I'd like finish off and went like, oh my God, there's no room for this other piece. Like it wasn't like there was a bit missing and it was the wrong one.

Yeah. Completed puzzle and just had this spare piece. And Sharmi contacted the cafe to be like, in case anybody rings and and is like, I'm missing a puzzle piece, I have one. Yeah. And they were like, okay, cool. Like they didn't really give a fuck. Anyway, Sharni said recently, she's like, I've just had a bit of time to kill.

And I thought, I might go get another puzzle. Years later. Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. Buys a puzzle from the same cafe, realizes when it's almost complete that she's missing a piece and goes, there's no way.

Get the fuck out. Get the fuck out. And in her fucking junk drawer at the back of the thing from years ago. No, no. That puzzle piece was the one that was missing from the box. Get the fuck out.

Huge. Isn't that the most amazing story you've ever heard? I don't know how I can go on living my life knowing that's occurred. Isn't that crazy? Fucking hell. Isn't that crazy? Why?

I mean, obviously we're the ones who are breaking news wide open on our show. But why isn't this on the 6 o'clock news? I know. This should be on the front page of the paper. This is witch territory as well. This is magic. Sabrina might have had something to do with this.

I just, I was reading that and I was like in disbelief. Isn't that amazing? Speechless. Actually. Like how on earth. Was there any farting and dick holes in there? No, no farting in the dick hole, unfortunately. I mean, that would have really chopped it right off.

Yeah, and Shani said at the bottom here, the puzzle's not gluten-free. So yeah, you can't have that with your Merson doll jam or whatever that was called. Marion Barry's. Merson doll I think is like painkillers, sorry. Well now we're talking. Yeah, sorry. That jam will get.

Not gluten free also. Rest your right up. Hey tomorrow we've got a video show. Mini hour round. Now earlier in the week, Tony did mention about a delivery driver rocking up and your partner Torbs was in his underwear and was a bit funny about it.

And he was like, oh, well I've just got to get dressed. I was like, well I'll just get it then. If you're going underwear and was a bit funny about it. And he was like, oh, well, I've just got to get dressed. I was like, well, I'll just get it then. If you're going to be such a fucking loser about it. Pfft. We've had some correspondence from delivery drivers. Correspondence? Yeah. Fucking, what a $5 word from you.

Amazing. Five dollar word? Yeah. That's like a saying from like Scrabble or something. I don't, I don't. Well, no, obviously not. That's why I said it and you can just go, okay. We've also got some stories from people who have ordered deliveries and have found themselves in a compromising position, including a Tpa who's commented is a not accountant accountant and they ordered something to set.

Yes. And I'll share that story. Oh my god, I wonder where that will go. That's what he said. Hooking through. See you tomorrow. With the FIZ loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not getting rewards like extra data and dollars off with your mobile plan,

you're not with FIZ. Switch today. Conditions apply. Details at FIZ.ca.