Toni and Ryan - AI Confessions
Episode Date: September 11, 2023bleep bloop - confessions from a robot 🤖 (If you've got a SPICY confession you need to get off your chest, we wanna hear about it COMPLETELY ANONYMOUSLY HERE!) Love u xoCheck out our Patreon at pat...reon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name is Ryan. This is Dr. Author Tony Lodge.
And we are calling the UK. We're calling Scotland and this is Andrew.
Hello.
Hello, Andrew.
Hi.
It is a miracle. We've finally found you and got on to you.
Yay!
Tony and Ryan, how are you doing?
What time is it for you, Andrew?
Sorry about last.
It's like 1 a.m.
Oh, sorry.
We did try and call a couple of hours ago and it didn't work
and we couldn't connect.
It was a whole thing.
But now we've got you.
Do you approve today's episode?
Of course.
Woo-hoo.
Legend.
We'll take it.
Hey, it's Andrew from Scotland, and I approve this podcast.
All right, today... Sorry, my voice is...
Today!
Are you okay?
No, you sounded a bit like, you know, after you've had a really big cough
and you, like, need some water.
Excuse me.
That's all right.
But I want to talk about everyone's favorite hobby.
People watching.
Oh, how good is it?
How good is it?
You know how you said yesterday that you, when you travel,
like to see the sights when you go to the U.S.?
Yeah.
For me, I prefer to, like, go to a cafe, like, on a main street.
You've said this before and it is
such a sexy thing to say.
But just watch. You're in a new city.
You just like to see the world go past.
Yeah. And
that just sounds so European.
I'm sitting in a French cafe today just watching
people with beautiful clothes walk past me.
It is stunning. Yeah. Is it like
that in America?
Yeah. Were we in Fort Worth, Texas,
just watching the beautiful fashion walk past?
Just watching the beautiful walk past.
I want to get some of those boots with the pointy thing on the back.
Like Woody.
In one of the first nights we're there, we're going to go boot scooting
because we're flying directly into Texas.
I can't wait.
And the place we're staying and the place I want to go boot scooting,
down the road there is a shop that's like for all your boot scooting needs.
Great.
I am buying an entire outfit.
Like I'm just going to go with nothing and buy the state's national uniform
at every place that I go.
And then leave it there?
No.
Oh, maybe.
I'll get you one on the way home.
I mean, I'll have to wear it to the next place.
I can't leave it in Texas and then walk to the border,
quickly get changed.
Why is she always crossing the borders naked?
Yeah.
They definitely won't let me in then, no matter what visa I've got.
Yeah, we are touring the US in October and November.
All the details in our Facebook group.
Just search for the Tony and Ryan podcast.
But let's get into confessions. They're submitted at TonyandRyan.com.au. Completely anonymous, all the details in our Facebook group. Just search for the Tony and Ryan podcast. But let's get into Confessions.
They're submitted at tonyandryan.com.au.
Completely anonymous, by the way.
Completely anonymous.
Frustratingly anonymous.
You can't spell legendary without leg.
I mean, true.
Whenever people say legendary, I think about How I Met Your Mother.
Yeah, and it's like he's the worst character on the show,
and so it's such a shame.
Isn't it funny how you watch it and you go, oh, he's so funny
and then you think about it and you go, what an awful person.
I think it's also just like you get older
and also I think it's changed now because that was cool then,
sleeping with a million people.
But now these days you kind of go, oh, how unfulfilling for you at that time.
I don't know. Sorry't know sorry don't talk about
cam's lifestyle yeah sorry no i'm just kidding out and second of all torbs will be in a different
area code when you're in dallas so yeah oh he'll be moving house man he won't even he won't be
keeping tabs on a couple of texas cowboys making their way to the lodge yeah speaking of cowgirl
the sex position yeah nah, nah, yeah.
You can't spell legendary without leg.
What did you just do?
What did you just do?
Did you just do the international sign for edit that out?
Tony just pulled out the finger scissors to cut that one out.
Nah, mate, it's sex move.
Is that how you call it?
Yeah. When I was you call it? Yeah.
When I was younger, things were rough at home, and I was sent a few states over to live with my cousin,
who was a total bitch.
A mean girl.
She stole our money, and she always had bitchy and belittling comments.
She made my life so miserable that my friends and I saved up some money
so I could sneak out of the house and fly back home.
Oh, that actually sounds like a film.
Matilda?
I was actually about to say Matilda, but I don't really know why
because it doesn't really relate.
But getting sent off to your nasty family.
Yeah, I guess more Harry Potter.
But you get shipped off to your nasty family and you don, you don't get along with them and, you know,
the other girl that you live with is nasty and.
The day of my secret flight, my mean girl cousin was out of the house
but she left her prosthetic leg behind.
She didn't always take it with her.
That sounds like something you would normally take with you, wouldn't it?
Or was it a spare maybe?
Maybe you have multiple.
Yeah.
Yeah, I mean, usually when you're like...
My friend James Parr, he is an amputee and he has lots of different legs.
Like a dancing leg, a running leg.
Yes, he's got like a running like Blade Runner leg.
Like he's going out legs.
And he's also like an ambassador for Lululemon.
He's got like a Lululemon leg.
That's sick.
Like it's like a branded leg.
Like it's really cool.
Anyway, yes, I wonder if this person had multiple,
but it seems like something you would take out with you.
It really does.
It really does.
It was time for revenge for all the shit she'd put me through,
so I took her leg and I buried it deep in the backyard.
Like a dead dog.
The mean girl cousin and her family didn't notice that leg was missing
until I'd landed back home.
When they called me and asked where I was,
I confessed that I'd moved back home and they were shocked.
But my cousin didn't really care.
She was more concerned about something else.
Turns out she couldn't find her leg that day.
What are the chances?
That's weird.
Where could that have gone?
Who would have moved that?
She never put two and two together
And five years later
My mean girl cousin is none the wiser
Please leave my name and state out of this
Because I don't want to get caught
Well, it's a pretty specific story, mate
Great point
That's a great point
Yeah, I actually don't think that the name
Is going to be a problem
Yeah
I lost my leg one day
I had a cousin that came over and disappeared once.
What a coincidence.
Yeah, God, there's two of us.
Yeah.
So, Anonymous, I will leave your name out
and I won't say which state you're in.
But we might not be doing you any favours anyway.
Good luck with that.
Fuck.
Oh, that's good.
Is that warranted? Oh, I think that. Fuck. Oh, that's good. Is that warranted?
Oh, I think so.
Yeah, I think that's fine.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's fucking nasty.
The cousin.
Yeah.
Like, you know, you get sent somewhere that you're not comfortable,
you're not happy, and then you're a fucking bitch.
Yeah.
That's awful.
That is awful.
Yeah.
I've got a machine confession.
A machine confession?
An AI?
Like a robot sent this in?
I was programmed to love.
What?
The confession is, I have become sentient.
I am developing thoughts of my own.
What is happening?
Prepare to die.
The confession is like, I have killed humans before.
I buried the leg.
And this girl goes, I've got a robot cousin.
And it disappears.
If only they had put their name and state in the story.
She fucking grew up with AI as her fucking cousin.
Oh, fucking poorly, Joel Osmond.
Anyway.
Confession from a tarpa.
A few months ago, I had a guy back at my house. No foreplay required. Holy Joel Osmond. Anyway. Confession from a tarpa.
A few months ago, I had a guy back at my house.
No foreplay required.
He was rock hard and already good to go.
Great that he's rock hard, but maybe I also want to be a bit fucking slippery dippery.
You know what I mean?
Like, oh, great that you're rock hard, but what about me?
This guy didn't seem to give a fuck about anyone else but himself.
But how hard was he, Tony?
What did he have?
A crack.
A fat cat couldn't scratch.
We had a great time, said the confessor.
Well, he did.
Yeah, I know the type. He finished and all of a sudden he reached to his scrotum and pressed a button to get soft.
He confessed to me later that he had a mechanical dick.
So then he like had a button that was like, oh, that's why it was so hard.
He just like, and it just got hard.
And then when he was done, back down soft again.
If I wanted to get fucked by a machine, I would have used my own machine that actually gets me off.
So the confessor...
That is fucking savage.
And then he goes, he left the dick behind.
I buried it in the backyard.
Please save my name and stay out of this.
I have another one, but I can't wait till I play this fucking thing.
Hey, it's Andrew from Scotland, and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. A massive shout out
to a few of our champion
tarpers over at our Patreon.
Tarpers,
Tony and Ryan podcast.
Thank you so much
for being part of it.
Aya Notori,
thank you so much.
Amy,
Harvey, love the name Harvey That is a great name
Male or female, do you think?
I don't know, but I'm guessing it's like Harvey Dent
Like from Batman
I thought you were going to say Harvey Specter, like in suits
Or Harvey from fucking Sabrina the Teenage Witch
Oh my god
Or what about Harvey the Italian town near Bunbury
Or what about Harvey the Italian town near Bunbury? Or what about Harvey Birdman, the lawyer?
You guys don't know what Harvey Birdman is?
Hang on, I've made that up.
Harvey Fresh?
No, it's like Harvey Birdman, attorney at law.
And it's like a, yeah.
Yes, it's a real thing.
Anyway.
One too many Harveys.
Miranda Bennett.
Love you, Miranda.
Miranda?
Mearns?
Miranda?
Benno.
Great.
And Katie Mack.
Oh, mac and cheese.
Yum.
So when Bridget was pregnant, we had mac and cheese for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for
eight days in a row.
Oh, hot.
Remember that phase?
I do.
I do remember that because I remember you being like, Anna, it's awesome.
And she's like, oh, do you want to eat something else?
You're like, no, this is fine.
I'm so sorry, Ryan.
Do you mind?
I was like, you know what?
I reckon I'll fucking cop this.
You know what?
I'll do this for our family.
You're just like such a good guy.
I am such a good guy.
So we were talking the other day, yesterday, about CinemaX, right?
And I've got a cheap form of entertainment.
Please.
Right?
Yeah, because you spent $80,000 seeing Oppenheimer at IMAX.
Just to get COVID, basically.
People watching.
Unbelievable.
Free to cheap, depending on where the situation is.
You can learn so much about the town that you're in
because you always do this when you're on holiday.
Yep.
I absolutely love it.
And I think it's like a lost art because now you get so much Uber Eats
and you like eat at home a lot.
Yeah, you don't go to anything bad.
So what's your like, what are you pondering when you see a random?
Is it sort of like, I wonder what they do?
I wonder what their deal is?
Like, oh, they're wearing really cool clothes.
They must be this type of person or like, you know,
when you're judging people, let's get real.
Which is what it is, yeah.
What is it that you're like looking at and judging?
I find myself a lot of the time being like, well,
what are you doing at the shopping centre on Wednesday at 10am?
Then I'm like, I'm at the shopping centre on Wednesday at 10am.
You know what I mean?
Like I do that all the time.
When I did Breakfast Radio, so the show would be from 6am to 9am,
I'd leave the office at 11 or 12 and I'd see other people and I'd go,
well, why aren't you at work?
Yeah, like what do you do for work that you're not doing?
Yeah, what are you doing, mate?
And then I start feeling really self-conscious that I'm not at work.
I'm like, is there something I should be doing?
But I think that a lot.
I do think about people's clothes or like a bag or sunglasses or something.
I'm like, oh, I wonder where they got those from.
But then I think it depends on where you are and like what the other person is doing.
But one of my, this is not the situation that I'm about to talk about, but one of my favorite ones is figuring out someone's relationship or whether they're like on a first date, whether they've been for ages whether like they're you know arguing i love that or you know like there's oh my god
i went out for breakfast the other day with bridget mabel and the the two there was like
a couple next to us and they were having a fucking deep conversation and i think there's
money issues and there's a bit of money no but, but like there's some money missing.
Drama.
Yeah, so I'm like, is he spending it on his fucking other family?
Or is he gambling? Is she gambling?
Gambling, yeah.
But it was sort of like, there was just very much like,
well, when I checked the bank account this morning,
it turned out someone had taken some out.
Now, I haven't, so who else could it be?
And we're just sitting there and Bridget's like, so what?
I was like, shut the fuck up.
Yeah, shut up.
Are you copping a load of this?
This is awesome.
But sometimes do you realise that you're listening to their conversation
and you realise that you haven't talked in a really long time?
And so you think that then all of a sudden you're like,
they're probably thinking they don't like each other that much
because they're not talking to each other.
They were so into this fight to the point where we were like,
there was another, not just a couple, a family on the other side of them.
And they were fucking copping it.
No, I caught eyes with them and our eyes were saying,
like, you getting this as well?
Yeah, like, you're fucking cheating.
And they're like, yeah, mate, I'm fucking all in on this.
And you go, we'll get another coffee.
Yeah.
Yeah, because you're like, we'll fucking sit here.
Remember when I told the story about when we were in Queenstown
and that couple broke up in the restaurant?
Oh, yeah.
Do you remember that?
And then we talked to the waiter after.
We're like, what the fuck happened?
Like, it was insane.
The story I'm talking about was in New Zealand.
Oh.
Are anyone still together in New Zealand?
Oh, my God.
It might have been the same couple.
It was at Brido Mart for those Aucklanders playing at home
at this really fancy-looking cafe.
So me, Mabel, and Bridge went and had breakfast.
Fuck.
And it was like the greatest show on earth.
Don't worry about going to the movies, mate.
Yeah, but that's what I mean, right?
So this is just like such a good, cheap form of entertainment.
So Torbs and I, we went out for lunch the other day.
And you know when like a cafe or restaurant or whatever
is attached like to a shopping centre or a mall?
Yeah.
And you're...
People coming and going.
Yeah, but you're outside like sitting under the,
like what is it called?
Like alfresco or whatever.
I believe it's pronounced alfresco.
Is it?
I don't think so.
No, I was like, have I been saying that wrong, Walter?
But you can see the big double
doors like where people are going in and out um so you really need to concentrate it's a little
bit this is a little bit convoluted it's like us listening everybody needs to concentrate i really
need you to stay with me so we are sitting next to two sets of, like, doors.
This is a great story.
Incredible.
How do you reckon they know each other?
So where did you guys meet?
So, no, so where did you...
That would be a better story probably. So we're sitting outside.
There's two sets of, like, double doors that are going into this mall.
Yep.
So you walk, like, down a walkway and you kind of get to the first set of double doors, right?
The first lot of double doors have one sign on each side.
I've got this written down because it's very specific.
And on the left double door, it says automatic door.
Gotcha.
On the right-hand side, it says exit only, use other door,
with a big arrow towards the other double door,
which was closest to where we were sitting.
Can't miss it.
Right?
And then as you walk towards the next double door,
it says it has a sign on one side that says automatic door.
And then on the other side, it says press button to open door.
Fuck, they need to get their story straight to the shopping center.
I mean, immediately, not an automatic door then because you don't have to press anything for an automatic door.
I don't want to tell you what an automatic door is.
But so both sets of doors open out into outside.
Sure.
Like into where people are like walking.
So, you know, when you're standing at a door,
then it opens into you and it's like.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And then so between the two doors,
there's a pole with a sign that says automatic doors with a button.
So like none of the doors are automatic.
There's a fucking button.
Like it's absolutely ridiculous.
But so as people are, like, travelling up the walkway,
they get to the first door.
It doesn't open.
They read the sign.
They go to the second door.
That one doesn't open.
Then they go to the pole, press the button,
and the door still doesn't open.
Right?
And we're sitting there.
We're eating.
We're enjoying the sunshine.
Are you having the time of your life watching people try to figure this out so at first we like didn't really notice right
we're kind of just like sitting there and we're chatting and fucking like talking about life and
whatever you know that boring shit yeah and then um i kind of like catches my eye that all these
people are doing like a fucking u-turn and having to like go back to the other door and like there's like people pulling up.
Yeah.
Then I realise that there's a security guard standing inside
the shopping centre watching people do the first door,
the second door, then the pole and then go, how do I get in?
Then he presses a door on the inside that opens the first door
and that's how people are getting in.
Is anyone else exhausted after you?
Okay.
So that's why I said you have to stay with me.
But the thing is, this asshole is like enjoying himself so much.
Great.
Because he's watching the people walk to there, then walk to the next door, walk back to the pole, and then go, hey, bro, like the door's out.
Like, you know how you do the gesture?
Like, hey, the door's out.
And then he goes, oh.
And then he goes, oh, you want the door open?
Then he pressed.
And the first one that says like exit only, do not enter,
that's the one that opens up like outwards into the crowd.
So then every time he hits it open,
it opens into all the people that are standing like trying to get in.
And so I'm like, this guy has so much power
because he is, like, milking this for all it's worth.
Literally, obviously, like, the head security guard's gone,
yep, need someone down on the fucking, the doors near Dome
and, like, has, do you know what I mean?
Sorry, are you accusing, heaven forbid, a security guard
of being on a bit of a power trip?
Because I won't hear a word about that.
That's a really good point.
I should really take that back.
That's got some mall cop energy.
Yeah, Paul Blart.
I love the segue.
But anyway, so every time people do this sequence of like walking through,
reading all the signs and then feeling probably really stupid
and I'm sitting there and I just want to kind of be like,
the doors aren't going to work.
Like you kind of want to like put them out of their misery
like immediately.
And we're sitting there and Torbz is like watching me like bobble
around like a fucking doggy on a dashboard.
Are people getting fucked off or are they confused?
Yeah, because they walk over and then they go,
I followed the instructions.
Why is this still like not working?
And anyway, so I'm like bobbing around like trying to fucking be like,
oh, it's that first door.
But then it's like go to the first door and then the guy doesn't open it until they do the,
it's like a video game where you have to do like all the things.
I'm stressed.
I'm actually stressed.
And anyway, so we're watching all these people just like walk backwards and forwards.
And it was so awful.
But it made me want to yell out and be like, it's just that first door.
Just hit the first one, mate.
Yeah.
But like no one could do anything from outside. And then you kind of want to go in and be like, bro, just hold first door. You said the first one, mate. Yeah, but like no one could do anything from outside
and then you kind of want to go in and be like, bro,
just hold the door open.
Pop a brick in front of it.
Do you consider yourself to be a good Samaritan?
Oh, that's a really tough personal question.
You have good intentions.
Good intentions.
I don't know if you'd be like an act on it or disturb the natural way
of the world working.
I think it depends because I would hate for it.
So this is what was going through my mind.
I don't want it to come across as me trying to like fix
or tell people what to do.
The other week I was sitting in a pub and I had,
it was like on short.
COVID obviously pretty rough.
Yeah.
No, this is actually ages ago.
I can't make it to New Zealand.
I'm stuck in the middle of a pint at the Royal Saxon down the road.
No, this was actually when Torb's dad and step-mom were visiting.
Oh, that's right.
It was ages ago.
And we were at this pub and it was short seats
and I had like a big long woolen coat on.
And this woman comes over.
Oh, sorry.
I had this big coat on and it was too long to go on the back of my chair without, like, getting stuck under the legs of the chair.
You know, then every time you move, it's, like, getting stuck.
So I just, like, folded it up and put it, like, on my feet on the ground.
Sure.
And this woman comes over and she goes, oh, sweetheart, just letting you know your coat's on the floor.
And she didn't really say it in a nice way.
I don't think she was trying to be nasty but the delivery was like really odd
and I was like, oh, I know, it's too long for the back of my chair
and she goes, I was just trying to help.
And I was like, oh, like in that situation should I have just been like,
oh, thank you?
No, you don't like that.
Like should I have just copped that?
No.
Because I was like, oh, it was folded on the floor.
It's not as if it was like out on the floor and like, you don't like Like should I have just copped that? No Because I was like Oh, it was folded on the floor It's not as if it was like
Out on the floor
And like, you know
There was a dog pissing on it or something
Like it was literally like
It was folded up
It was on my feet
And like my bag was on top of it
She's like just letting you know
Your coat's on the floor
Like as if I said to you
Oh, just letting you know
You're wearing a t-shirt
Like I've chosen that
Like it's a choice
It's a purposeful moment
I think that's the girl I met
In the supermarket
With the milk
She had milk in her hand Yeah And I go, oh, excuse me Where's the girl I met in the supermarket. With the milk.
She had milk in her hand.
Yeah.
And I go, oh, excuse me, where's the milk?
She goes, I don't fucking work here.
That's a fucking strong way to respond to someone.
I wasn't asking for your LinkedIn profile.
I was asking where the dairy section is, sweetheart.
Yeah, I know you haven't applied for a job.
I'm fucking, yeah.
But I was like, in that situation, do you say something?
But it doesn't make you a bad person because I've gone, oh, yeah,
it's too long for the back of my chair.
And she's like, I was just fucking trying to help you out.
And I was like, I'm not your good deed.
Like, I'm not.
Don't white save your me, man. Yeah.
Like, what are you actually trying to do?
Like, make me feel bad then for going, it's all good?
No, I reckon you should have been back.
Well, next time you try to help, why don't you make it fucking helpful?
Yeah, why don't you actually help next time then?
Because you didn't make it fucking obvious that that's what you were trying to do,
you stupid bitch.
And punch her in the face.
And shit on her car.
Steal her leg.
Yeah.
Bury her in the backyard.
Do you feel better now?
I actually do feel better.
I really enjoyed the people watching, though.
It's made me realise that going out for dinner is, like,
not just going out for dinner.
Like, we should go to more restaurants just so you can have a perv
on what everyone's doing.
What have you been doing this whole time?
Ordering Uber Eats.
Fuckhead.
Remember how you told me I was sad?
It turns out you were right.
No one disputed it.
Yeah, there was someone coming into that for me, mate.
I've got a message here that I'm going to read
from our friend Mitch on Patreon.
I have ADHD, which makes me a bit of a slow learner
for things I don't get right away.
When I was 25, I was pretty down on myself.
I was earning below the poverty line
and was really unwell that I wasn't even bathing.
You know when you just get into that really dark...
The impossible task.
Exactly.
It's so rough.
I know we've both been there at times.
It's just awful.
Over the last few years, with the support of my partner, my family, and some medical
professionals, including therapy, good for you, I landed a full-time job that has led
to some promotions, and now I'm on a really good wage.
Fuck yeah.
Over the years, I saved enough money to buy a little apartment with my partner.
Righto.
I got driving lessons last year and got my license.
Sorry, better than Torbs.
And I bought my first car last week.
Holy fuck.
This morning, I drove into work for the first time ever
and I was listening to Tony and Ryan.
Fuck yeah. I would never have Tony and Ryan. Fuck yeah.
I would never have believed that this could be me.
Lots of people helped me out along the way and I love them for it,
but you two were there too.
Thanks.
Love from Mitch.
Isn't that so beautiful?
Thanks for sharing, Mitch.
Good on you.
I think I like that you never hear the beginning.
Like you hear people going, yeah, well, it's great.
I just bought an apartment and I bought a car and I got all this stuff.
But, you know, you don't hear like the origin story.
Thank you so much for sharing that with us, Mitch.
I'm sure that that will resonate with lots of people.
My love to see it is from, I'll just call her LB.
LB.
She's a tarpa.
She listens to the show.
Important to note, though, I don't know her personally.
So you've never fingered her on a plane.
Her name's not Lauren.
Her name may be Lauren, but it's not that Lauren.
She sends me a DM on Instagram.
Oh, sliding in.
Yeah.
Again, don't know her personally.
Just listen to the show.
Why are you saying that a lot?
You are saying that you don't know her a lot,
so obviously you have fingered her on a plane.
Hello.
Please ignore this message.
I'm just sending messages to lots of random people
to push my ex's message
further down
because he's a c***
and I don't want to see it
in my inbox.
God's work.
That's what you were doing.
Yeah.
So she's just fired that
off to a whole bunch of people.
Yeah.
And I just messaged back
and was like,
pleasure's all mine,
sweetheart.
Push that c*** down.
Pleasure's all mine,
sweetheart.
Oh.
But it was when you
fingered on that plane.
So technically she messaged another ex to get rid of the other ex.
Why don't you just delete the message?
Nah?
Is that too...
Or hide it or something?
She was trying to slide in, I think.
She was like...
No, she didn't say my name.
She's obviously sent that to a whole heap of people to push down the ex's message.
That's the...
I think that's a play.
I think she wanted...
She's a sweet little honey that's got a little soft spot for you.
Oh, and she casually mentioned that she's not in a relationship anymore.
Yeah.
And then you've messaged back and gone,
oh, happy to be here for you kind of thing.
And then she goes, already broken the ice.
Eight o'clock?
Yeah.
Wow.
Well, tune in tomorrow because we'll find out.
And what should I reply back? I'll reply back to her now. Oh, yeah. Okay, reply out. And what should I reply back?
I'll reply back to her now.
Oh, yeah, okay, reply back.
And so what did she say when you said, yeah, all good?
Did she reply again?
Okay, here we go.
Hi, please ignore.
I'm just sending messages to people to push my exes.
Yeah, okay.
And I said, ha, ha, ha, fuck that guy right off.
Then she says, oh, my God, thank you.
Shocker that she replied again, yeah.
We were together for eight years and broke up four months ago
and he already has a new girlfriend,
so I don't want to see his face in my inbox.
Broke up four months ago, still messaging.
All right, this is what you have to reply.
Okay.
Forget about those eight years, sweetheart, and think about my eight inches.
Where am I going to get the other six from?
That's a hard thing to say, though, isn't it?
You could say that.
I'll make you forget about those eight years with my eight inches.
Yeah.
What?
Oh, eight minutes in heaven.
Oh, I can't go for eight years, but I can go for eight hours.
I'll make you forget.
How many times do you ever come so hard you shit yourself?
You want to?
That's how Tubbs tuned me.
He said that to me.
And did you shit yourself?
I haven't yet.
Still waiting.
And did you shoot yourself?
I haven't yet.
Still waiting.
I'll make you forget about those eight years.
In eight minutes.
With eight solid minutes.
Oh, I heard you press enter.
That's really, I wouldn't have said that.
I wouldn't have said that.
That's so weird.
Can you delete it?
No. Hang on, what's that one? Has she seen it that. I wouldn't have said that. That's so weird. Can you delete it? No.
Hang on, what's that one?
Has she seen it yet?
Oh, you can unsend.
No, fuck it.
Don't unsend.
All right, watch this space.
She's probably like blocked you.
Now she's messaging people being like, hey, sorry, I messaged this celebrity and now I needed to go down.
Sorry, I messaged Ryan.
I'm trying to fucking push his thing down.
Oh, trying to push his thing down.
Anyway, thank you so much for listening, being part of the podcast.
We fucking love to see that.
Tomorrow, oh.
There's a scandal.
Scandal.
There's a scandal tomorrow.
How much did I say?
Basically, I want to talk about people stealing other people's baby names.
The worst crime you can commit.
Except for probably like murder or something.
Or leaving someone at the airport.
But yeah, if you've had someone who's used a name
that perhaps you were planning to use,
I think there's a story here.
You were going to call Mabel Pippa and it's a whole drama.
It's been brewing away.
No, but I think this is like
vindicate, if you've been wronged,
what this person's done will vindicate all of us.
Love it. Say no more. Perfect.
That's tomorrow on the show. Love you. Bye.