Toni and Ryan - Are you Ruining Your Sex Life?

Episode Date: April 1, 2025

Ruining ya sex life and a 3 way call gone wrong. Love ya!Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toniandryanpodcast Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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you take your shoes and socks off, take your bra off and like, for you it's your house clothes, but for me it's my nightie. Yeah, I mean your nighties house clothes. But I put my nightie on and, ah it is pure bliss isn't it? Well with Oxio your internet can feel like home too. It actually already does. It actually already does. I want to move to Canada so that I can sign up to Oxio and I've always said that. Do we not live in Canada? I'll be not signed up to Oxio. Oxio have no term contracts, Oxio have no

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literally every cent. Yep, head to oxio.ca, so O-X-I-O.CA, and use the code TARP, T-A-R-P, and get one month free. Hello, welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast. My name's Tony, this is my best friend Ryan. Bon Jono. And we are, Ryan Jono, and we never start a podcast episode without the approval of a Tafa. A Tafa is a Tony and Ryan podcast, er.

Now we head to Oklahoma City. Now, Alex, I believe you've got something to say about a recent episode. Tony, you said that sometimes your pee smells like beef stew or the beef stew. And mine does too. Thank you, Alex. Thank you. That's the kind of. And mine does too. Thank you, Alex. Thank you, that's the kind of support that I need. She does need that today. She's been under attack from the internet.

I thought it was only me. Like legitimately, I thought it was only me until you said that. Look at me bringing people together. Maybe it's just the two of you. Hey, and that's fine, I found one other. Yeah, and sometimes that's all you need. Right.

I mean, even if it's just us, you know, at least we've got each other. Absolutely. I've always said that. These tears unite. Alex, do you approve today's episode? I absolutely approve it. Legend. Hi, this is Alex from Oklahoma City, and I approve this podcast.

Ladies and gentlemen, how's this for your hump day? We've got a fancy lady in the house who I believe, sorry about that ghost noise that I just made. I believe, Tony Lodge, you were sitting front row at a fancy fashion show last night. I was. People think that Melbourne Fashion Week is over and it isn't. It's not. It's well and truly underway. What was the event last night? Fancy Boyfriend has Fancy Business Trip pre-fashion show.

Yep. So Torbz is off for the next like two weeks or something in the US for work. On business. On business. And he shockingly, no one mentioned a month ago that he might need some new clothes. So yesterday morning. I'm just to fill in some gaps for everyone. Someone did mention a month ago that someone was Tony Lodge and the other someone who lives with someone who didn't take that news on until three days

before he was supposed to fucking fly out. And if he had of listened to his fiance a month ago, he wouldn't have eaten this predicament three days before the trip. I know. And he wouldn't have had to like a scrambled egg, go and buy clothes yesterday before work. Yeah. Anyway, we're all fine about it. And like, and Torb's goes, Oh my God, I'm going to have to go before work tomorrow. And I was like, you know what?

The thing is, is that me saying that I told you so, is not going to help right now. Me bringing up the- Listen to Tony, she's matured over the last year or so. No, I said to him, I was like, me bringing up the fact that I said a month ago, you should have gone and bought some clothes, isn't gonna help you right now.

And he's like laughing. And I was like, and I know that it's not gonna help for me to have been right. So like, I think we all just let bygones be bygones and we just fix this problem. And then he's like laughing. And I was like, because it's just not worth me bringing up how right I was.

It's just not worth it. And I would not do that to you. And he was like, fuck, you're such a good person. You are a good person. You are a good person. Yeah. So I got our front row to fashion show while I was cooking dinner last night. He's like strutting out and he's like new button up shirt and whatever. I don't think there's a more wholesome moment in a relationship that when someone gets new

clothes and you go fashion show, let's do a fashion show. I love it. I love it. I think in our household and you go, fashion show, let's do a fashion show. I love it. I love it. I think in our household, when Bridget gets anything, I want a fashion show. When I buy anything, I want to give a fashion show. Yes. There's one of us in the relationship who's pro fashion show and the other who's, doesn't

really mind about the fashion show. I would say it tolerates. If you would like though, next time I'd be happy for you to strut the runway right down to my house. So if you start in Eltham, but then you come all the way down to Reza and then I could see it as well and I'll pump you up. Do you want a fashion show? Yeah. Because one of us. You always do fashion show when you buy stuff.

I know because I'm not getting the energy I need at home I love it. Apparently the energy goes into keeping a child alive Yeah boring because as you Tony knows and maybe some times don't know this is that I'm in a bit of a fucking run at the moment of Loving novelty shirts being placed as ads on Instagram and Facebook. And you know, I'm clicking it. Yeah. And you know, I'm buying it. I'm loving it sick. And because I'm one minute away from buying that t-shirt that says Mille Flat. Man, I love frogs.

Are we getting the same ads? We all get the same ads. Yeah. It's the same website. Cause I've seen that and I go, I don't know. But every time I see it, I go, oh, and I get so close every time. You know what? I think I'm going to buy it today. Okay, great. Yeah. Great. Great. Great. Every time I see it, I go, oh, and I get so close every time. You know what? I think I'm going to buy it today. OK, great. Yeah. Great, great, great. Every time I see it, I go, that is funny. Because that's I think it's the same website where I got my new hoodie that says more spaghetti, less upsetting.

Yeah. And is that the Silly Goose University? Yes. Yeah. Uncle Rico. That's Uncle Rico. OK. So if I've got a t-shirt or thread heads or something, I think the two of them have similar stuff. Yeah, a bit across. A bit across. That graphic shit. If I've got anything with an animal on it, I'm Mabel's best friend for the whole day.

When I roll out in a silly, like the duck one that says duck around and find out. It's like Christmas at our house when Mabel sees that t-shirt. That's good until next time you come around. I was going to say, yeah, so if I buy this milk shirt, man, I love frogs. Then Mavs is going to love that. She loves doing the Rippet sound. She does.

She does. I was doing an alphabet puzzle with her the other day and it was like F and I was like, for frog? And I was like, do you know how to make that noise? She's like, oh, kill me. So cute. I'm living alone right now. Yeah.

Well, come on over. Well, this is titled How to Ruin Your Sex Life and step one, send your husband overseas for two weeks. Women are doing something that ruins their own sex lives and they don't even realize it. Fucking women, eh? Yeah. God. Bless them, but I love them.

Now I'm not implying anything about Tony's sex life, but statistically, according to this fucking study from legit university, Tony is susceptible to what the study's implying. Okay. Like this could be happening in my own the studies imply. Okay. Like this could be happening in my own home. Yeah. Okay.

Women who wear nighties to bed have 12% less sex than those who sleep naked. Yeah, I mean it's fair. Multiple studies have shown that 68% of nude sleepers are super satisfied with their love lives. Whilst only 60% who wear PJs are super satisfied, 56% who wear 90s, sorry, what's that? Yeah, 56% who wear 90s are super satisfied. Only 47% of those who wear those old school onesies, you know, like the- Oh, yeah. With the little butt flap. Yeah. Only 47 of them.

Well, that takes so long to get off. You know, is this by fucking big nightie, that big pajama? This is this study? No, it's well, no, because they would be trying to hide this news. It's probably from big nude because they're trying to promote the wares of their game. Yes. This is in the New York Post and they've, you know, they've got a few. Very official. It is very official. Um, Yes. This is in the New York Post and they've, you know, they've got a few. Very official.

It is very official. OK, this is what they say. Action thrives on attraction. 90s erase the visual cues and replace them with the feeling of coziness. Sure. Yep. 60. OK, this is one of the great statistics you'll ever read. And I feel we're all going to just cop this a bit. Yep. 62% of people in relationships where both the people wear pajamas have admitted to starting to get intimate or considering getting intimate,

but have discontinued because they couldn't be bothered taking their pajamas off. Okay. That sounds like a separate issue. That nightie, I mean, maybe this is a good caveat, maybe that they could add to their study next time they do it. Does it count that I don't wear any underwear under my nightie and most of the time when I wake up, it has rolled up over my boobs.

So it's just like another shape that's just crumpled up like this. So does that count do you think? I don't think there's a category for me. Well it's like you are. And that's their problem. You are in the 90 category but if we're talking about percentages, I'd say, given that explanation, you are 87% nude. I'd say it's 69%. The sexiest number.

In the courtroom of comfort, nighties have been found guilty of killing passion. But they are so cozy. Yeah. And I do get, I get it. What do you wear to bed? Um, usually not much. Like, so you just sleep naked or just in your nikkies? Just in your nikkies.

Tulip's normally sleeps naked. Maybe just like my boxers, like just still shorts. Yeah. So like pajama shorts or underwear. Underwear. Yeah. Yeah. But I have been known to have like in the winter, like the big old long pajama pants. Yeah. I can't sleep in pants though, because then when they get caught on the

sheets, it just like, like sensory wise, I just like can't have the like fabric. Also that does you in, but wearing a nightie around your chest is fine. Yeah. Oh, but that I'm not choosing that. That's just what the body chooses for me. Oh, OK. My mistake. Now, when I saw the headline of this article, because I know you are a passionate nighty girl, I was just like, what a fun, random, silly article. Yeah. Tony wears a nighty.

It's a fun fact. I'm just going to log this one in. Not thinking that I was going to be personally added. Ated. About what? Men named Ryan John will never have sex again. Unless you buy these raffle tickets. I wasn't personally expected to get dragged into this until I saw the top comment. Yeah, OK.

Aisha, the only thing that makes me drier than seeing a white boy's dirty, crusty pajama pants is finding out that that white boy also has a podcast. Oh, but they all do. I think it should just be assumed. Okay. You know, if you see pajama pants, you just go, oh, well, that person definitely has a podcast. Yeah, okay. Yeah.

And the New York Post missed that. So. Hey, it's Alex from Oklahoma. And the New York Post missed that. So. Hey, it's Alex from Oklahoma City and you're listening to Tony and Ryan. Let's talk about cream. Oh, I love cream. Are we talking like ice cream or like moisturizer? Actually, as a sensitive skin girl, I can do both. I know you can do both. And as much as we love ice cream, I'm currently talking about moisturizer. I'm talking about Aveeno Baby Healthy Start, which for young kids, you can use from day one.

You can use this Healthy Start balm to help moisturise, nourish and comfort the skin of babies. And when Mabel is older, I want you, Tony, to remind her who moisturised her every night. So when she's got beautiful skin, you'd be like, yep, dad used to do that for you. Well, I was about to say, you're doing a great job

because she high-fived me yesterday when I came around for dinner and they were the softest hands I've ever felt. You're welcome, Tony. You're welcome, Mabel. Well, we love a routine and we know how important good skin habits are to start early.

And with a Veno Baby Healthy Start, it's easy to moisturise and support baby skin moisture barrier from day one. You can learn more at avino.ca. This episode is brought to you by Majuri and Majuri has the nicest fine jewellery. It's perfect for stacking and wearing every day and you can like play around with different styles, mix different colors and metals and stack different combos. So there's really something for everyone. And can I tell you a cute little personal note? Please. You know these gold earrings that I wear?

They're majorie. And they were like the first bit of jewellery I ever bought myself. Yeah. Would you say that was the gateway? That was your first like, oh, I think I'm a jewellery person now. Yes, I'm a majorie person now. Yeah. Put that on the front cover of, it's not a book, of this audio ad.

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A massive shout out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon. Happy hump day. Lauren Dempsey, good on your laws. Jocelyn Plaza, Sarah Kelly, Nora Balboa, Rocky's daughter, Hazel Tracy and Fenella. And a little bit of coincidence chat here is that, cause one of the perks of Patreon is that we reply to all the DMs that come through. And lots of people, this, I don't know what it is,

might be something in the water. It might be like statistically that time of year, but loads of people in Patreon this week have started a new job or like are about to start a new job. Yeah, like maybe 20 people I've spoken to this week have been like, oh, today's my first day at a new job. Like insane. I reckon I know what it is.

Yeah. Everyone goes away at Christmas and goes, this is this year I'm going to quit and change the thing Yeah, and then so in January 20th, I've 20 25 then in Jan they so they come in hot and they go January Yep, I'm on my way out and just by the time they apply get the resume dusted off apply get it noticing Yep, but like 20 23 get it this way No, but no, no, no, no. You got something to say? No, no, no, no, but I just couldn't look past

the theme of all these people. So if you started a new job this week or you're about to start one, I hope it's awesome. Get around it. If you did, congratulations, I hope it's great. Oh no, we live in all different cities. So when I started a job at Pitcher Partners, all the newbies who started that week all

went out together on Friday for drinks. So all the newbies- To celebrate that first week kind of thing. But also just for the newbies to meet other newbies and you kind of, you know, a bit of camaraderie and I was like, maybe we should all do that. But then the internet and the world. Yeah. But like, I guess that's why I thought I would say something.

You should. This is how we could access everybody at one time. We're doing it. This is it. We're doing it. Yeah, live. The future is here. I don't like it. Oh. And you saw what happened.

I know you and Torbz have your fucking apps and your doorbell cameras and all your fancy technology. You turn the air, Tony turns the air con on on the way home. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I normally turn it off for pee pee. Oh way home. Yeah. Wild. Wild.

I normally turn it off for pee pee. Oh, okay. Yeah. I don't fuck with that. Slash don't know how to do it. Things are changing fast. But things have never changed faster than when Tony came around the other night

and technology said, no, I'm in control now. And technology really could have fucked us depending on what was going on. You know what I mean? What could have been going on? But like, you imagine what kind of situation this could have led to. Had something unsavory been going on.

Let me explain. Please. So the other day, I'm like on my way to Ryan's, this was before I went and played with the alphabet puzzle with Mabel, Rupert Rupert, Milf, I love frogs. And I, Ryan knew that I was like, when I was on my way and he calls me, he's like, hey, where are you? And I was like, I'm 10 minutes away. He's like, I'm actually just leaving.

I'm gonna go grab a Cartner Diet Coke and some fucking chips and salsa. He's like, yeah, where are you? And I was like, yep, I'm 10 minutes away. And then the phone line just like went dead, but it wasn't hung up. And I was like, that's weird. And on my Apple CarPlay thing, it still said like Brian, like our phone call was active. And then all of a sudden there's this like weird screechy noise.

And then I'm like, bro, can you hear me? And Bridget goes, Tony? And I was like, Can you hear me? And Bridget goes, Tony. And I was like, Bridget. So what do you like? And then I was like, have you just dropped your phone and she's picked it up and like, as in like physically dropped and she just picked it up. And I was like, oh, sorry, um, and she was like, yeah, I'm in the car.

And you were in the house., I'm in the car. And you were in the house. And I was in another car. So what had happened is that you guys drove close to each other in the driveway. Yeah. And the call transferred from the gym. The gym to the lemon, lime and soda. Yeah. Richard's car.

No. And I go, oh, sorry, I was just, I was just talking to Ryan. She's like, yeah, I think that the cars have like switched over. The Apple CarPlay have grabbed the call and dragged it across. Yes. Charles, you're a tech guy. Is this, is that legal? I don't know. Is that legal? Yeah.

Um, no, no, no. No, thank you. We'll have to get HR involved. Yeah. Anyway, and so. But I've still got my phone in the gym. And it still says call with Tony happening, but you can't hear me. Yeah, I can't hear you. But now all of a sudden, I'm talking to Bridget and Mabel. Yeah. And anyway, and I was like, oh, and she goes, sorry,

he's about to drive off, so it should pick back up to his thing. And this is where I'm saying that if something unsavory was going on. Like what would be going on? That wouldn't have been a great time for it to have occurred. So when you're chatting to your side hoe, nothing ruins your relationship with your side hoe than your wife turning up.

And I've always said that. You're always saying that. And then she goes, who's this? And he goes, who's this? And I go, no, well, I'm on the phone to your husband. Not you. Yeah. Anyway. And then Bridget goes, oh, and she's like laughing.

She's like, oh, I hope you weren't bitching about me. And I was like, no, of course we were. And I was like, no, I was actually saying how much I can't wait to finger you later. You talking about the salsa? And Bridget is fucking losing it laughing. And I'm like, oh, how good. And then all of a sudden it switches back over and Ryan's like, can you hear me? And I was like, I was killing over there.

I was getting this huge laugh and now I'm fucking back with you. Like put me back onto Bridget. Yeah, like put me back onto the girls car. I don't want any part of this. What is annoying about this story is that it seemed like when you were in the other car you were having more fun. That's exactly what I'm saying. And they were having fun and then you left and came back and you were like, oh now I'm with Ryan and they're like, oh Toddy's gone.

And then I drove off and they're like, oh. And then Ryan's like, yeah, so whatever. And then Bridget's like, so are you getting blah from the shops through the window? And then I can hear Ryan having wound his window down being like, yeah, I'm just gonna go get the drinks. Did you want the hot salsa or the mild? So then we're all on the phone together

because I can hear the two of them and I can hear. It was the freakiest thing that's ever happened. And I just, a warning to anybody cheating on their spouse. My God. Do not connect your Apple CarPlay to more than one. That's all I can say. So is that on me for having a... Because obviously whichever car I get into it just connects.

The Bluetooth just connects. Yeah. Or the fucking Apple CarPlay would have. What's crazy is the amount of times and effort I've tried to connect something and it doesn't work. Oh, amen sister. Yeah. Yeah.

And then all you're sitting in your car for ages and you're like turning the ignition off and on or the media thing off and on so that you can try and fucking get it to work. Oh, when you and Charles flew out of Hobart and I had to go take the car back by myself. So then I connected my phone. I did wonder about that.

I didn't even think. Cause Charles, we were running off Charles's phone until then and fuck. Charles is a great like trip advisor. Yeah, but then he, then he flies out to Sydney and then fuck dude, I'm just here on an island by myself trying to figure shit out. Charles is just like controlling the maps from the back seat. And it was like iconic as well.

Like it was just perfect. Tasmania needs to get their shit together. How fucking dare you. Tasmania is my home. 99% perfect. There's too many service stations without people working there. Self-servo. Self-servo, as we discussed, because then you know you got to fill the car up before you drop it off.

Yeah. Do ya? You get a fee otherwise. It's $4 a litre if you don't, but some can afford it. So I went to this... Except if it's an electric car, then it has to be 80%. Oh, well they need to explain what need to explain what's the word? Hybrid.

Hybrid means, because we were about to leave and I was like, should we run an extension cable outside? And Charles was like, babe, no. Oh, sweetie, let me hold your hand when I say this. Okay. And I was like, we're going to have to plug it in. Charles was like. So you know how earlier I said Tony and Torbz are living in the year 3000? He couldn't have been more disappointed. I think with all your fancy doorbells and air conditioners turned on, where Tony comes right back to the pack is what a hybrid car means.

Can't I just fill it with 98 like I do the Audi and Bob's your uncle? Yes. I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Where do I plug it in? You don't need to. Sorry. You could even just do 91.

Oh, do they do a 91? Tony hasn't been below 96 for decades. Even the Yaris was getting top notch stuff. It was actually. Yeah. All right, I've got to love to see it. Yep. And similar to Tony learning about the hybrid,

I'm just going to read this sentence. I love to learn. I'm just going to read this sentence. I love to learn. I'm just going to read this sentence. Yeah. And I don't know what any of it means. Amazing. I just hope that you... I will. I'll know.

Elinor Degarde. And I'm really fucking sorry, but they're from Scandinavia and that name is... Can I actually, I might send it to you. Is it just Elinor? That's what it sounded like what you said. I remember that time um Lily kept talking about Gemina and we're like you mean Jemima? She goes oh who's that Jemima and I was

like is that Jemima? She goes Jemima and I was like I think it's just Jemima and she's like yeah it yeah, it is. It definitely is. Yep. Yeah. Eleanor. Oh no. Eleanor Yutgard. Yutgard. I think that's where I was getting confused. Sounds like a Ikea meatball.

Yum. Should we go get some meatballs after this? Lingonberry jam. That gravy can fuck at IKEA. Really? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Can you put a... I don't care about the jam, really.

That's not really for me, but the gravy fucks. Can you put the meatball in the gravy? Is that the idea? That's... Yeah. Can you? It's encouraged. Okay, congrats. Have you ever, what are you saying?

Can you do that? Have you never been? I've never really dined. I've never got into the Ikea is oh no Oh fucking what it's the best part about going There's like not many Ikea's in Perth is only one So whenever people have come to visit us when we sleep in the apartment because we were opposite the Ikea All our friends from Perth were like, can we go to Ikea fuck? Yeah today. Yeah

anyway, Eleanor Yutgard. I just won my first four tier game of Spider Solitaire. And all I want to do is tell Torbz cause I think he's the only one who understands the pure joy. That is actually unreal. A four tier card game of Spider Solitaire. Yeah.

So it means that like four pop up at once. Yeah. And you have to do them in order. You don't get one at a time. That's pretty unreal. Yeah. Again, don't know what it means. I reckon it's four suit actually, not four.

Yeah. Because so with Spiders... Does anyone else know what's happening? So with Spider Solitaire, because you have to do it all in order of the suit. And you can play it on like an easier version where it only has one suit. But like the more suits you add in the harder it is

because you can't move things back and forward as easily as you can in like normal solitaire. That's huge. That's huge. Well done, Eleanor. Love to say it. God, isn't it beautiful that games just span the language barrier.

Like we're all just playing Spider Solitaire. Yep. You know, around the globe. Love that. I don't even remember that being referenced ever. So the fact that they've picked up on that. Yeah. Don't you? Okay. This is so I told a story once years ago about how Torb's woke me up in the middle of the night and I thought I was getting lucky even though I was wearing my nightie. And he was like, I just, I just got my PB on spot a solitaire don't you remember that it was ages ago I think when you told that story similar to me hearing it again now I'm falling asleep no I'm more focused on the you about to get railed than the yeah why yeah yeah

because when you said two tops came in at night I was like fucking here we go yeah but also in fairness like really random niche references in the show. Like as soon as we record, like it's gone sometimes. And so sometimes when people go, oh my God, you remember reading out my, you love to see it on this time. Like if we've mentioned Ikea meatballs in an episode, there's nothing else that I can remember. Tony remembers anything. Yes. What do you love to say? I will remember this one though.

This is from Abby. Abby says, currently going through a car wash, eating some maccas, ready to take the day by the balls. Great start to a morning. Great Abby. Fuck yeah. Even better while listening to the pod. And Abby said, as my brother-in-law says, don't have a good day.

Have a great day. Oh, I was about to say, put a, marry the, who's a brother-in married the who's a brother in law. So that's maybe her sister's husband or maybe her partner's husband. Her husband's brother. And I thought the solitaire was confusing. Yeah, no, no, that's actually my fault. We're gonna need a piece of paper for that. I lent us down that road. Yeah, nah, no, no. And that's actually my fault. We're gonna need a piece of paper for that. I lent us down that road and yeah, nah, fuck that right up. But thanks, Abs, I love that. Tomorrow on the show, we have normal or nah.

Thank fucking God. And... I wish we could do normal or nah every day. It has been pitched. I'm gonna keep saying it until it's the reality of the show. Also, Toni is a new woman. I'm going to keep saying it until it's the reality of the show. Also, Tony is a new woman. I am. I've been rebirthed by the Lord Jesus Christ. And you'll find out how and why and the result of the tomorrow on the show.

Love you. Bye. Make sure you wear something really slutty to bed tonight. series. He said he killed another woman. Inspired by a true life story. If I don't deal with him, he will never leave us alone. You don't see how the birds sing to you. Annali Ashford and Dennis Quaid star. I am not responsible for what my dad did. Let's go on how you hoped. Happy Face new series now streaming exclusively on Paramount Plus. With the Fizz loyalty program, you get rewarded just for having a mobile plan. You know, for texting and stuff. And if you're not us.