Toni and Ryan - At a call centre and in the bedroom
Episode Date: August 15, 2022Sexy bedroom chat, and unsexy neighbour chat. Love you!!! Toni xx Check out our Patreon at patreon.com/ToniandRyan, and make sure you join our Facebook Group! Find #ToniAndRyan on Instagram @tonilodge... and @ryan.jon OR on TikTok @toni.lodge and @ryanjondunn Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
All right, this is...
Campbell, and it is 11.52pm in London.
Oh my God. Sorry, Campbell, in advance.
I'd already have my eye mask on.
Hello?
Hi, Campbell.
Hi.
Campbell, would you approve the Tony and Ryan podcast?
Absolutely, I would. Yay! Oh, what are you up to, Campbell? would you approve the Tony and Ryan podcast? Absolutely I would.
Yeah.
Oh, what are you up to, Campbell?
Where are you?
I'm currently in Dundee just watching Sandman on Netflix.
It's actually really good.
Highly recommend it.
Torbs actually did say to me the other day,
there's this new show out, it's called Sandman.
Do you want to watch it?
Because I want to watch it.
And I just sang Metallica's Sandman at him for about 15 minutes.
Rightly so.
So, yeah, I haven't watched it.
It looks scary though.
Is it creepy and scary?
Like is it?
Episode four is a bit weird.
If you're in the mood for that though, you have to be in the mood for it.
Oh, I agree.
And Tony, will you be in the mood for that?
No. I'm in the mood to sing, though. Oh, I agree. And Tony, will you be in the mood for that? No. I'm in the
mood to sing Sandman and to Sandman
by Metallica. This is Campbell
in Dundee, Scotland, and I approve this podcast.
Welcome to the Tony and Ryan podcast.
Welcome.
I've got an idea for a reality show.
Oh.
It's just called Tony Lodge's Apartment Building
because I feel like over the course of this podcast
we've got to know John the Cat.
Oh, yeah.
We've got to know the happy-go-lucky,
free-spirited sexual prowess of the neighbours.
The neighbours, yep.
And I believe we're about to learn something more about the building.
Yes.
John, the cat.
Was he involved in this?
It's her mum and dad.
John is a girl.
It's her mum and dad.
Oh, my God.
Because John is a fan favourite of the show.
Yes, she is.
I don't want to spoil it, but are they aware of John's notoriety?
Notoriety.
Yes, they are.
And are they for or against?
As far as I know, they're for.
They were the ones that brought it to my attention.
Yep.
But anyway.
We'll get there.
Yeah.
Okay, that's going up.
First, though, thanks to Tapa Annie Parsons for this week's topic.
This is things you can say in a call centre and also in the bedroom.
Hi there.
Yeah, before we get started, I just wanted to check what insurance plan you're on.
You might need to up it because today is going to get wild.
Also, before we get started, what's your date of birth?
Oh, sorry.
Can you hear me?
It sounds like you can't hear me because you're not doing what I asked.
Oh, finally.
It's so much better dealing with an actual human.
Robot's getting to you, mate.
Sorry, I don't think we've got, like, a good connection.
I agree.
There is no good connection.
I'm just going to put you on top of Carl.
Oh, so now I'm on going to put you on top of Carl.
Oh, so now I'm on Carl's to-do list.
Imagine having a to-do list.
Oh, what have you got on this weekend? Oh, Maddie, Tony, Sally.
Good names that I came up with on the fly.
I do hate being passed around, though.
Oh, and you fucking, oh, my God.
You've explained your situation to John right at the beginning, and then they go, oh, I'm actually going to have to put you through to Steve.
Then you get put on to Steve, and then Steve goes, oh,
so what seems to be the problem?
You fucking unpack all your garbage, and then they go,
oh, Rob actually deals with that.
So then you get put onto Rob and fucking hell,
all of a sudden three hours later you've explained your situation
fucking 65 times.
Yeah.
But nothing's been done.
Whilst I agree with everything you've just said,
when I said I hate being passed around,
I was talking about at the Peel nightclub.
You like that normally.
Not what I've heard.
Actually, yeah, no wonder that didn't make sense to you.
Hi, is your mum and dad home?
Don't want to do it if your mum and dad are home.
No, no.
I hope you were satisfied with my work.
Do you mind doing a quick survey afterwards to let me know
where I can improve for next time?
And whilst we joke, I think normalise that.
And being like, I didn't like what you did here but loved that.
Loved this, bit more of that.
That, take it or leave it.
But also it's a lot easier when you're not in person.
So just send a little email survey through afterwards.
An email.
It's a Google form.
And you're like, okay, leave your email at the top, please.
I'm going to need a little bit more information just to confirm your identity.
I don't want to get catfished.
Are you sure you're Robert Pattinson?
Yes, definitely.
He said it was fine.
He gave me his word.
It must be.
He gave me his word.
Just letting you know, this will be recorded for quality and coaching purposes.
Again, wouldn't it be good if people were open to feedback?
Yeah.
Positive criticism.
It's called an air check where the radio boss will listen to your show
and give you notes.
Could you imagine afterwards, oh, see, yeah, well,
you stuck that in his arsehole.
I reckon next time maybe. Just a bit more finger action before you stick it in the arsehole. Before you just straight give you notes? Yeah. Could you imagine afterwards? Oh, see, yeah, well, you stuck that in his arsehole. I reckon next time maybe.
Just a bit more finger action before you stick it in the arsehole.
Yeah, before you just straight in, yeah.
Yeah.
But apart from that, keep it up.
I think overall it's feeling really good.
Not much to work on, just those few things.
Just a few one percenters.
Yeah, and we'll get there.
How good is it when a boss says the phrase one percenter?
Oh, it fucks me up.
Or just a few one percenters just to really get you over the line.
Do you like that?
I like the, like, constructive criticism.
But the saying is.
Yeah, I just hate the, like, jargon of being in an office.
Yeah.
And saying things like that.
In the boudoir, are you good at the one percenters?
I hope so.
Okay.
What do you mean?
Like the little stuff? What do you mean? Like the little stuff?
What do you mean?
Well, sometimes it's the little things that add up over time.
Oh, well, I think so.
It's a cumulative effect, isn't it?
The effort.
It's the effort.
It's the effort, yeah.
Oh, fuck.
I've had so many dicks today.
But the other day I had a heap of dicks.
It's good to keep it varied.
Shout out to people who work in a call centre
that deal with d**ks all the time.
Yeah, f**k you, deal with those a**holes.
Oh, a lot of a**holes as well.
They're the one percenters, the a**holes.
Can you just hold there?
I'm going to ask a colleague for some advice.
Imagine if you were with someone.
They're like, I'm just going to call a mate.
Can you just wait on?
Because I've never seen this before.
He doesn't seem to be liking it.
Oh, okay, I'll try that.
Yeah.
All right, here we go.
We're back on.
We're back on.
Here we go.
Is this toll free?
Sometimes they're up to $3 a minute.
Yeah.
The worst.
Yep.
Have you considered pulling it out and putting it back in again?
A good restart.
Yeah.
I can come back later if you can't fit me in now.
I reckon I might be able to squeeze it through.
Oh, please try.
While you're waiting, actually, this is more of the,
you know that really annoying voice over when you're on hold
that's like trying to tell you stuff and sell you shit
and you're like, I just want my internet fixed.
Or how it's like, here at Telstra, we love to help our customers
and that's why we've introduced 30% off over all this.
Yep.
While you're waiting, have you considered jumping online
and doing it yourself?
There are so many resources on our website.
They fucking all do say that now.
Thanks for calling.
Have you considered not calling and doing it yourself?
And normally the only reason you're ringing is because the thing online
doesn't fucking work.
If the thing online worked, I wouldn't be calling.
Do you think I would choose to call someone on the phone by choice?
I hate talking on the phone by choice? I hate talking
on the phone to my own family, let alone, I mean, like, you know, the thing I want to spend some
time on the phone to a complete stranger. Yeah. Just put my internet back on and I'll be happy.
Yeah. And doesn't it really fuck you off when you're like trying to call IONET because your
internet's not working and they're like, have you tried jumping on the internet and doing this?
I fucking would have loved to.
I'd love to.
But the reason I'm calling.
I'd love the opportunity, to be honest, IRNet.
Oh, have you checked your internet speed?
You go to this website.
I can't go to the website to check my fucking speed
because my fucking speed's so low.
And my fucking internet doesn't work.
There's no speed.
Oh, your car's broken down?
Have you considered driving to the mechanic?
That's what they're saying.
Wow.
We finally touched a nerve.
Yeah.
Ooh.
I like it.
I'm the, no.
Feisty.
What?
More revved up.
Why?
My internet went down the other week.
Oh, my God.
It's a bit too raw.
Yeah, sorry.
That's another one.
Yeah, I actually tried him before, but he was engaged.
Which stops some people, but not all.
Sucker's got a goalie, mate.
Doesn't mean he can't score.
Could you give me that one again, but this time much slower?
Sorry, I get excited.
Oh, God, that thing is really hurting my ear.
Thank you so much.
Yep, I can assure you I won't be calling you again.
Hey, better than ghosting.
You know all about it.
Hey, this is Campbell from Dundee, Scotland,
and you're listening to Tony and Ryan.
A massive shout-out to a few of our champion tapas over at our Patreon.
Courtney Baldwin, thank you so much.
Dorth, thank you.
Ty, Jules Robinson, Billy Davies, thank you very much.
Alexandria, Clive Jones, Ischel Van Son, Ryan Hines,
Alyssa Roberts and Matt Wierus.
Wierus.
Wiervas, maybe.
Matthew W.
Matty Dub. Matt. Matty Dub., maybe. Matthew W. Matty Dub.
Matt.
Matty Dub.
Big Matty Dub.
Big Matty Dub.
Thanks so much for being Tarpers and being part of the Patreon, by the way.
It's literally changed our lives and we're super stoked.
Totally.
And speaking of which, you might have seen on our Instagram,
Tarpa Linda.
Yeah.
We are hooking her up with Free Invisalign.
Yep.
And you can see the video.
She freaked the fuck out.
We told her that she was like a finalist and had to go get a checkup,
and then we surprised her.
Yep.
We were in cahoots with Dr. Manu from Gorgeous Smiles Dentistry.
Now, I'm not trying to just piss in your pocket here, Tony Lodge.
Yeah.
But I think it was clear that despite the fact she just won probably
over like $10,000 worth of orthodontics,
that she was probably more excited to see you.
It was very nice.
It was lovely how excited she was.
And coming really soon where-
Hiya.
Yeah.
I am that excited about this.
In fact, not really soon.
It's happening.
It's now.
We're just doing the last like T's and C's checkpoint legal tick off.
We've got a whole bunch of other stuff as our way to say thank you
to people who are listening to this podcast.
Yeah.
So like Linda with her teeth, we've got some other exciting things
and you can let us know how we might be able to help,
but we are very keen on saying thank you to everyone who's helped us.
Yeah, good shit's coming.
Yeah.
I like your way better.
Good shit's coming.
I could have just said that.
I mean, it took you fucking 45 minutes to say that.
What was that whole monologue when you could have just said?
Oh, we've got all this stuff coming.
Well, good shit's coming.
Good shit's coming.
Fucking sit tight.
All right.
That's my saying.
Hey, baby, what are you doing later tonight?
Good shit's coming.
I'm good shit, by the way.
Hide your towels because good shit's coming.
We were saying earlier that where I live, my apartment building,
turns out the most exciting place in the world.
It really is.
We've got like a Facebook group for the building.
If zero was calm and collected and 10 was extremely passive aggressive.
67.
567. It's very- 567.
It's very aggressive in that Facebook group, isn't it?
The passive aggressiveness is just the, oh, just letting you know,
I've put your package in the mail room or whatever.
And, like, people are being nice by doing that.
So I'm like, why is everyone angry?
I'm like, oh, this is a few months ago. Have you parked in someone else's spot?
Even for just a minute?
Oh, I just need to park out the front real quick.
I'd organise a celebrant for your fucking funeral, to be honest.
I'll speak at it.
If you parked in someone else's funeral.
Just park your spot.
Well, don't park in someone else's funeral.
Don't park it.
Oh, sorry, we're actually just conducting a service.
This person's father's died.
I just need to get some ciggies.
I'm just grabbing some stuff from the shop.
Can you go watch it?
I might just leave the keys in the ignition.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Just make sure no one, like, touches the windows.
I've just had them tinted.
Yeah.
Don't drive off.
I know he won't.
Fucking hell.
I'll be back in 10 minutes, all right?
Yeah.
Anyway, no.
So it's pretty, I think most apartment buildings are the same,
but the Facebook group for ours is, is like five buildings all in one thing.
Oh, chaos.
So there's so many people.
Yeah.
And because people are like protective of where they live,
so they want it to all be right and stuff.
So I get it.
But anyway, I've talked at length on this podcast about how there is a cat
that comes into my backyard and I've called her John.
Oh, hang on.
You've called her John?
Yeah, her name's not John.
I thought you've decided this.
Well, she just kept coming over and I didn't know her mum
and dad or anything.
So the first time she came over and I was like, oh, that's John.
I didn't know this.
Yeah, her name's not John.
Her name's like Layla, I think.
This changes everything.
No, it doesn't.
Because when we first met John was probably like the second episode
of this podcast.
Yeah, she's been around forever.
She comes over like multiple times a day.
Yeah, but then we learned that the owner of John listens to the pod.
Yes.
And I assume that's how you got to know the name.
No.
So you've made the – okay.
So because she just kept – like, you know how people would be like –
Something just – hang on.
Are you saying –
No, I'm not a namer.
Are you saying that something that just arrived that you didn't plan for
and you named it John?
Because that's what my birth mum did.
No, because I want John.
Oh.
Yeah.
So it's a bit different.
A bit different.
And you probably spelled it correctly with an H.
Yeah.
Whereas I was just J-O-N.
Yeah.
But that's how I know.
She just got so lazy.
She couldn't even put the H in.
I think that's just how we know we are biologically related because our.
Can't spell.
Can't spell.
Yeah.
Anyway, that's how you find her.
You're like, oh, can you not spell?
Oh, mum. Sorry, you've. You're like, oh, can you not spell? Oh, mum.
Sorry, you've written this wrong.
Oh, my God.
It must be you.
Anyway, it's like a 10-year-old boy though.
You're like, are you my mum?
No, I'm just 10 years old and can't spell.
Who the fuck are you?
Do you have your pen license?
Get out of my house.
Anyway, so very early in the show I talked about John the cat
and John's mum, she lives a couple of doors down from me,
and she messaged me and was like, hey, this is so random.
I listen to your podcast and I'm pretty sure that's my cat.
Her name's Layla.
Anyway, so we've kind of got like a bit of a rapport.
Like she'll message me on Instagram or she's messaged me before
and been like, hey, is the cat around there?
Because she won't come back. We can't find her. And you're like, oh, I haven't seen her. And she's like just me before and been like, hey, is the cat around there? Because she won't come.
We can't find her and you're like, oh, I haven't seen her
and she's like just curled up on your couch.
Yeah, I'm like patting her or something.
With your hazmat suit.
Anyway, so we kind of keep in touch a bit or if there's any drama
in the Facebook group, we'll message.
We'll debrief.
Anyway, on Saturday night, I get this message from her,
John's mum, and she goes, I looked at it and she'd messaged me about half an hour beforehand
and she goes, hey, I'm so sorry but we've just locked ourselves out.
Oh, no.
Like can you help us out?
And I didn't see it until like half an hour later
because it was like a Saturday night.
And I saw it and I go, oh, my God, are you guys okay?
Sorry I hadn't seen this earlier.
She's like, oh, we were actually heading out, so it's okay.
Yeah.
But, like, you didn't reply straight away.
So, like, obviously you're out and you can't help anyway.
All good.
Obviously you're out.
Well, actually, no, it is a Saturday night.
I can see why you might assume that.
Why you'd assume that.
Did we mention, was it yesterday we mentioned how hungover you were?
Was that last Friday?
Yeah, but that was the weekend before.
Oh, okay, right.
No, so I wasn't hungover.
I had no excuse.
I just knew you weren't going out that Saturday night.
So she's like, you're probably out, it's all good.
And I was like, oh, no, that's okay.
Oh, we'll probably be home by the time you guys get back.
So you're just trying to go with her lie.
Yeah, I'm trying to sound cool.
I am out.
I am at a VIP event, but it actually ends soon.
Yeah, it ends around the time you'll be home.
Yeah, I'll be off the red carpet by then.
Cut to Torbs and I.
We're on the couch.
We're eating homemade pizza.
We're both wearing our uddies and, like, fucking on the couch. We're eating homemade pizza.
We're both wearing our uddies and, like, fucking playing Mario Kart.
Like, we're not.
Haggard's Mario Kart.
The reason I hadn't been on my phone was because I was playing with a different device.
Like, it wasn't because I was out having fun.
Living my life.
Drinking champagne with my friends.
Like, I was, anyway.
So she goes, is it okay if we message you later?
And I was like, yep, all good, but can you text me instead of Instagram
so that I see it?
Because I probably won't check my Instagram.
I'm busy.
Yeah, I'm busy.
I'm out.
And he goes, oh, my God.
No, if you're out, honestly, it's fine.
And I was like, oh, no, no, no, no, no.
We'll be home by then.
It's fine.
Anyway, then all of a sudden, like later, there's a fucking,
like the doorbell, you know how my doorbell goes like do-do-do-do-do-do?
Yeah, it's a bit heckish, yeah.
And I'm like, oh, my God, what's going on?
Who's here?
And it's them.
It's them.
And they need us to let them in.
So their plan of attack was for them to come in through, like,
our front door and then climb over our fence into, like, their house.
Because your massive courtyard acreage backs onto.
My horse stables.
Your horse stables courtyard backs onto,
like you could easily leg it to the next courtyard because they're like,
what, two courtyards over?
Yes.
And then they could duck in the back door.
Yeah, so literally they just have to kind of like duck around the back.
Oh, hang on a second.
So that means they have to come through the house?
They have to come through the house.
And according to her.
We've been out.
According to her imagination, you're dressed for your night out.
You are probably a family that don't leave all your dirty washing on the table.
You're probably well put together.
That washing on the table is clean.
It's always clean washing.
It's never dirty washing.
It's washing and it's on the table.
Yeah, but it's clean.
It's not dirty washing. But probably, you know, we the table. Yeah, but it's clean. It's not dirty washing.
But probably, you know, we've got to take some Uber Eats bags downstairs.
Yeah, a couple of Domino's boxes.
Yeah, you know, that kind of thing.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You know.
And so have you just started?
When did you realise that they would be stepping foot in?
They're going to be coming through our house.
Literally as soon as I was like, I've got to deal with that later.
When she texts me, obviously they'll be like leaving the pub or something.
We'll have like a couple of minutes.
A 10-minute buffer.
Yeah.
Nah, they're at the door.
They're at the door.
How was your night out, sweetheart?
Yeah, so I let them in and I was like, oh, our unlock thing isn't working.
I'll come down and get you to buy some time.
Anyway.
I'll go get them.
Torbs.
Yeah.
Fucking throw everything over the balcony.
But I was in my hoodie. You have a man. With my Ugg boots. Was your face get them. Torbs. Yeah. Fucking throw everything over the balcony. But I was in my hoodie.
Yeah.
With my Ugg boots.
Was your face done?
Oh, no.
And it never is.
It's not even done now.
But like if you were going out.
Oh, as in like if we'd been out.
Oh, no.
You could tell I'd been on the couch all day.
Like there'd been no move.
Yeah.
My rings on my Apple watch were not shut.
Like nothing had been done.
Anyway.
And I'm like, fuck, they're here.
I've got to fucking go and let them in.
I'm in my Udi and my Ugg boots.
My hair's just like piled on top of my hair.
Did you have any pants on under the Udi?
No.
I was wearing my nightie and my Udi.
I thought that might be the case.
I've seen this Tony Lodge before when I surprised you in the morning.
Yeah.
I was like, no pants required.
I just fucking.
Anyway.
And they dressed really nice when you went down to get them?
They'd been at the pub.
Yeah.
And then they did some food shopping or whatever and then they, you know.
Anyway, so I go down and get them and I hadn't met her partner before.
Oh.
Anyway, I went down there and I was like, please excuse my hoodie.
And it's a red rooster hoodie.
So you can't even like, it's not even a.
A fancy hoodie.
Think about a cool Udi.
It's definitely not a bright red, red rooster one.
Do you know what I mean?
Yeah.
I don't think they've done it yet, but I think it's only a matter of time before we see a Gucci Udi.
Oh.
Or a Bulgari.
What's that?
Bulgari.
Because isn't there a Bulgari like trash bag?
Probably.
This week that's like a, you know, a weekend, but it just looks like a trash bag.
Oh, my God.
But because everyone's getting a bit like-
80 cents from Coles.
Let's get that.
But I feel like in time there will be a fancy hoodie.
But if I were to think Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Red Rooster.
Yeah.
I mean, all the classics.
What's the odd one out?
Louis Vuitton.
Anyway, so I walk down there.
So I've got like a fast food based clothing item
on which is just fucking hell uncool like it's as if i'm like those cheesy nugs i swear yeah
it's like as if i'm not like oh you can tell that i'm fat you know that i am because i'm wearing a
red rooster hoodie if there was doubts i am now wearing a red rooster hoodie and i get down there
i was like oh my god i'm so like please excuse this they're like oh my god no it's fine and then i was like oh i'm my God, I'm sorry. Like, please excuse this. They're like, oh, my God, no, it's fine.
And then I was like, oh, I'm Tony, by the way, like to her partner.
And he's like, yeah, I'm pretty sure I've seen your partner down here.
And I was like, oh, have you?
Not even clicking.
And he goes, yeah, you guys, like he's got a matching one of these, eh?
Like he's Udi.
And I was like, oh, yeah, he does.
And he goes, I've seen your partner down here getting, like,
parcels from the postman.
In his red rooster hoodie.
In his hoodie.
Was he winning the pooing?
Yeah.
With no pants.
He goes, I've seen your boyfriend with his hoodie and his Ugg boots.
And I was like, no pants?
And he was like, yeah, no pants.
So you guys have really just left the greatest first impression
on John's dad.
And so I'm like, they're like looking cool.
You have to live in the building with them.
They're both like pretty fish as well.
Oh, I hate that.
And so I'm like a fat loser wearing my fucking hoodie.
And I'm like, hang on, but I'm saving the day here.
Like I'm letting you in the house.
Anyway, and so like I'm like, all right,
hopefully Torbs has like tidied up the house and stuff.
Sorry, I have one more question.
Oh, please.
Yeah, what is it?
Did he go, oh, I've seen your boyfriend wearing the same hoodie
and you go, no, we've got one each.
There's two.
Which is worse?
I think both.
Having one each.
What can I last up?
All right, sorry.
So they get up to the roof.
Yeah, so I'm like, oh, my God, hopefully, you know,
like we can redeem ourselves a little bit.
And anyway, they like see the light on under the door
of their neighbour right next to them.
And they're like, oh, he's home.
He's home.
That's one less poor you. We've got to jump over. Yeah, and they're like, oh, we'll home. He's home. That's one less poor y'all we've got to jump over.
And they're like, oh, we'll just ask him.
Don't worry about it.
Oh, thank God.
No, but they've already seen me in the audience too late.
Well, it could have got worse.
I walk in the front door.
Torbs is wearing jeans and, like, the house kind of looks
like a bit respectable.
And I was like, oh, we fucked it anyway.
They're not coming over.
And Torbs is like, oh, he, he like puts his own back on.
I put fucking jeans on for no reason.
What is this, a weekday?
He's like.
Well, I'm just glad to know that they got back safely.
Yeah, so they're all good.
They're taken care of.
I reckon John the Cat has fucking snitched on you anyway.
Oh, probably.
He probably gets back and goes,
you'll never guess the fucking pigsty going on over there.
Yeah, she's probably telling them the intel.
But anyway, just like, you know when you just want a bit of street cred?
We were like, we can make friends with the, you know.
Nah, not going to happen.
They're better than you.
Yeah, they are.
They're too good for you.
How good are you love to see it?
Please.
My love to see it was that story.
Pretty funny.
And just pour one out for fucking Red Rooster hoodies, can we?
I think they actually call them ruggies.
Like have a nuggy and a ruggy.
Oh, that is cute.
That is cute.
Anyway, I digress.
It's almost been a year since you organized that Red Rooster sponsorship.
You're welcome.
You've never brought us any free food.
Oh, no, I lie.
You brought in the schnitzer.
Thank you very much.
I liked that schnitzer.
Schnitzer with a pizza.
I could go with schnitzer right now.
Oh, me too.
I'm pretty hungry.
I've got a sandwich in my bag, but do you know what I really feel like?
Schnitzer.
Like a burger or like a gyros or something.
We can organise that.
Yeah, let's do that.
All right.
Quickly, let's finish this.
Zach Witzel, you'll recognise that name.
Big Tapa.
Big Tapa. Big Tapa.
In our Facebook group.
And Zach has written and self-published a book.
Get around.
Which is fucking amazing.
That is incredible.
It's called The Prism.
And I'm going to read out the little blurb of the book.
The Prism follows Quinn, who is selected to enter The Prism,
alongside his
fiancée Blair. The Prism is
a government program whose goal is to
change the way warfare is conducted
by using virtual and augmented reality
technology to save lives and
cost of war.
The program is much more dangerous than advertised
and now they are just trying to escape
with their lives. Oh my god.
So if you search Zach Witzel on Amazon, the prism will come up.
I think it's like $9.
Yeah.
So you'd be fucking kidding yourself not to buy it.
She's got some smart, creative tapas, aren't they?
Oh, my God.
Amazing.
And here's you are in your red rooster hoodie.
Yeah.
Someone's writing books.
Yeah, but I wasn't out.
I wasn't doing anything.
Yeah.
But we'll pop the link in our thing or something.
Yeah, what a legend.
Or the info.
But, Zach, you're fucking lovely to see.
You're up to date.
Congratulations.
That's awesome.
I didn't know these existed.
Have you heard of an equine therapy centre?
Like horses?
Yeah.
Yeah.
So the horses hang out with patients, like human patients,
to kind of like calm them down.
Oh, like a therapy dog? Yeah, like a therapy patients, to kind of like calm them down.
Like a therapy dog?
Yeah, exactly.
A therapy dog, but it's like a therapy horse.
Oh, God, you can't take that on the train?
No.
How small is your train?
Sorry, mate.
Yeah, the Equine Therapy Centre.
And I saw this video.
This guy is in – this one's in Brazil.
Wow.
And he's going through cancer treatment for lung cancer.
Wow. In the chest.
He's having a bit of a rough time.
Where the lungs generally are.
Yeah, most of the time.
Yeah.
But the reason I point that out is because the horse walks over
and rested its head on the man's chest,
and it kind of like, it's like it knew,
and it kind of just laid its head down,
and the man is just like bawling his eyes out.
As you fucking would.
And I don't know if I was tired or have had an emotional week,
but that fucking did me when I saw that yesterday.
I probably would have been emotional about that.
I'm emotional listening to you telling me that.
But we have had a big week.
Big week.
So I will give you that one.
Yeah.
But that's a really lovely story.
The fucking power of animals, eh?
It's insane.
Yeah, it is actually insane.
So both the existence of the equine therapist
and the people who are working there.
Oh, amazing.
I'll put that video in the episode.
But like, be in the right mood.
Yeah.
You know what I'm saying?
Not like me with the Amy Winehouse documentary.
No, no.
Yeah.
No, it's a, but it's beautiful.
And I did love to see that.
I did love to see that.
So thanks very much for listening.
Thanks for listening.
Hope you had a great time.
Make sure that you're ready for people to come over at all times.
And Tony and I are off to get a gyros.
You!
Fuck yeah, you'll love to see that.
No, I don't want a bar in May.
I want a gyros.
My mistake, gyros.
Yeah, okay, great.
All right.
I'm so fucking pumped for this gyros. Oh, me too. I'm fucking, May. I want a Euros. Or a bigger Os. Euros. Yeah. Okay, great. All right. I'm so fucking pumped for this Euros.
Oh, me too.
I'm fucking, I'm so hungry.
You know when you just went naughty food?
Yeah.
Yeah, like something real fucking hearty and like meaty.
Yeah.
Can we wear Udis while we eat it?
Like the pieces of shit that we are?
Yeah.
Yep.
I've got mine on under this.
Love you, bye.